#they really did pick 2 of the biggest actors in this damn show to complain about lmao

[papabearbobbynash]

Watching some complain of Angela, Peter and even of Oliver's acting on Reddit is hilarious to me.

I mean, I would get complaining of the emergency bg characters (because dear lord some are really cringe) or even Ryan (who sometimes is just ? with the acting)

[ladyreapermc]

Catching Feelings 2/? (Keanu x OFC)

Summary: AU in which Keanu is down on his luck after he comes to Hollywood trying to be an actor. To earn some money, he joins this app for escorts and meets Steph, a rising star who hires him to try to forget her ex. Neither of them are expecting to fall in love and all the problems it brings.

Previous chapters: 1

Author’s notes: Thanks everyone for the comments on the first part. I’m glad you liked. Here’s the second chapter.

Wordcount: 4115

Warnings: prostitution and smut (D/S undertones).

“How was it?” Were the first words Keanu heard when he stepped into the apartment he shared with his friend Scott.

Well calling that place an apartment was actually being charitable since it was basically a tiny little studio in a building that was falling apart in one of the seediest areas of Los Angeles. But it was a roof over his head and all Keanu could afford so there was no point in complaining.

“It was…” he trailed off, setting his helmet and jacket by the door and dropping on the ratty couch beside Scott. It was really all he could say about what happened the night before.

When Keanu sighed up for Mars and Venus, he wasn’t expecting it to be quite like this. Selling his body – and no matter how many times Scott told him that he didn’t really have to have sex with his clients, that was how Keanu saw it – just made him feel dirty, but he was completely broke and there weren’t too many places willing to hire a high school dropout whose only real skills were riding motorcycles, playing bass and acting.

Scratch that. Apparently, he couldn’t even act, because that had been the reason why he came to Los Angeles in the first place. He had done fairly well back in Toronto, appearing in a couple of TV specials and movies. It wasn’t much, but it got him an offer to be in a Disney movie, which to a 21-year-old guy with big dreams had sounded like an amazing offer.

So, Keanu cleared his savings, packed his stuff and moved to Los Angeles expecting to take on Hollywood. When he arrived, he found out the movie deal fell through and he was left with nothing. Fast forward six years and Keanu was still down on his luck. He gave up on acting altogether and just tried to get by, taking any jobs he managed to find. That was how Keanu met Robert and Brett and Dogstar happened.

It was currently one of the high points of his life. They were still on that phase of begging bars and clubs to let them play and barely making anything out of it, but they were good. Maybe they could make it. Keanu just had to hang on for a while longer.

Hence the whole Mars and Venus thing. Scott told him how much he would make in a date and Keanu was shocked. Sure, a subscription was expensive, but if he really could make at least 2k a date, Keanu should able to pay his bills, move into a better apartment, maybe even get a proper place for the band to rehearse and work on their music, maybe even record a demo…

Scott said it was pretty easy. Most of his clients were middle-aged women that just wanted something pretty on her arm to show off to her friends. Or a companion for the night. It was completely up to Keanu if it would turn into sex or not. So, Keanu signed up even if it still made him feel cheap. Not long after that, he got an invitation.

He had been so nervous when he got to her house. The last thing Keanu expected was to meet actress Stephanie Walker, who looked as awkward as he was. He certainly didn’t expect the night to go quite like that. It was fun and light and wonderful, and the sex had been mind-blowing.

In the morning, however, Keanu woke up to the sound of his phone. It was confirmation of payment. His bank account, which only had 2 dollars for the last two weeks had a few more zeros in it.

The sight of it made him Keanu feel ashamed because he really enjoyed Steph’s company. He liked her. It felt almost like a first date, but reality finally sunk in. It wasn't a date and Keanu just became the kind person that slept with people for money.

He sneaked out of her house while Steph was still asleep, embarrassed, disgusted and confused. Keanu expected the ride back would help clear his head, but he was still feeling the same way as he got home.

“Did you charge extra for staying over?” Scott asked, and Keanu’s only reply was a headshake. “Rookie mistake. Always charge extra for spending the night,” Scott instructed. “How much did you make?”

Keanu just handed him his phone, moving to the kitchen to get himself something to eat even if his stomach felt queasy.

“Not bad.” his friend whistled. “Now, here’s what you gonna do: get some of this money and buy yourself a suit. Nothing off the rack either. Something good, that fits you well. You never know when they’ll want to take you to a gala.”

“No, man. I’m done with this,” Keanu replied. “With this money, I can get things going and maybe…” he trailed off with a hopeful sigh.

“Suit yourself.” Scott had a doubtful look on his face but just shrugged, disappearing into his room without another word.

Keanu really thought he was done with Mars and Venus. He stayed away for two weeks, but between paying for the studio so Dogstar could finally record a demo and some idiot backing into his bike and messing up his exhaust, the money he made from his date with Steph was over too quickly. Everything was so damn expensive in LA.

So, he reinstalled the app discovering he had missed several invitations while he was offline. With a knot in his chest, he upped his price from 2k to 3k and waited. Soon enough Keanu had new invitations.

Another week passed before Keanu got another invitation from Steph. He thought he would never hear from her again because she shouldn’t need to pay for company or sex; but there it was, her name flashing on his screen during rehearsal.

Keanu knew he shouldn’t. He had been thinking about her no-stop for the last few weeks, watching her movies like a lovesick boy with a crush. He should stay very far away from Steph.

“Hey Ke! Are you gonna do this or not?” Brett called with an expectant look.

“Yeah. Just a sec,” he replied distractedly as he accepted her invitation.

---

This time, when Keanu arrived in front of Steph’s house and rang the intercom, she immediately had the garage gate open so he could bring his motorcycle inside, which he appreciated. His Norton was his most prized possession along with his bass. And Keanu couldn’t afford to lose it.

He parked it next to her car once again and took off his helmet to look at her, trying to ignore the fluttering on his chest. She had cut her hair. When they first met, her chestnut locks fell to her back, now it hung above her shoulders and it really suited her. It drew even more attention to her big brown eyes, which looked full of hesitation.

“Hi,” he said, getting off his bike and her lips quirked into a small smile.

“Hi. Thanks for coming.”

Once again they stood awkwardly in front of one other, not knowing what to say or do. Keanu cleared his throat and buried his hands in his jacket pockets.

“I didn’t expect to hear from you again,” he admitted, gaze on his boots.

“Yeah… I just…” Steph trailed off with a sigh and Keanu noticed her eyes were reddish and a little puffy like she had been crying.

“One of those days?” Keanu offered, curious but not wanting to pry and she just nodded, leading the way inside.

Right away he noticed the house looked different, the biggest change had been all the photos of Steph and her ex-boyfriend had disappeared from the walls, as well as some of the framed movie posters she had. By the door, he could see a box full of stuff with her name written on the side.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out she probably went through that difficult moment of returning her ex’s stuff and getting her own back. No wonder she had a bad day.

“You like Chinese?” she asked, taking his jacket. “I was gonna order in.”

“Yeah. Love Chinese,” Keanu assured, taking a seat on the couch as she placed the order. After that, she sat down as well and a strange silence hung over them, tense and awkward and Keanu raked his brain for something to say.

“How about we watch something?” Steph suggested and he could hear in her voice she felt just as weird as he did.

“Sure.”

She grabbed the remote, flipping through channels until she froze as a picture of her ex-boyfriend was splashed over the screen.

Action movie hero Kevin Miller is seen again with Victoria’s Secret’s model Gisele Anderson. The couple was spotted leaving one of the most exclusive clubs in LA. It was only a little over a month ago that Miller was dating the Hollywood rising star, Stephanie Walker…

Keanu gently took the remote from her hands and changed the channel. He glanced over at her, noticing her eyes welling up.

“How about some Netflix instead?” he offered, and Steph nodded as he turned on the streaming service and browsed through her selection.

“Wow! You really like procedural dramas and cop thrillers, huh?” Keanu teased trying to nudge her out of her funk. She only gave him a watery smile and a shrug.

“I like to try to figure out who did it.”

“Yeah? Let’s see how good you are,” he said, picking a random movie and pressing play. Steph just snorted, but they settled more comfortably on the couch side by side, their arms brushing every time one of them moved.

As the movie progressed Keanu felt both himself and Steph finally relaxing, the conversation flowing a little easier as they joked and argued about the movie. When their takeout arrived, they spread Steph’s order on the coffee table.

“Did you order for two or twelve?” he teased, looking over the amount of food in front of him and Steph chuckled and shrugged.

“I like to have options,” she said, pilling her plate with a little bit of everything.

Keanu did not expect such a tiny thing like Steph to be able to eat that much; and making the most indecent sounds too.

“Stop looking at me like that!” she said over a mouthful, her eyes crinkling with her amusement. “I spent four months off carbs. I’m making up for the lost time.”

“I can see that. Do you want me to give you the room or something?” he asked with a playful grin. “Because it almost sounds like you’re making love with that noodle!”

Steph snorted a laugh, cheeks turning pink and Keanu grinned. She had a very nice laugh and the most perfect smile. Kevin Miller was a complete idiot for letting her go.

“I don’t sound like that at all,” she replied, sticking her tongue out at him.

“You’re right. It’s much throatier,” Keanu said, sipping his beer and smirking as the flush on her cheeks turned brighter. “And bossy.”

“I’m not bossy!” Steph argued, sounding a little embarrassed. “I just know what I like, and I try to make sure my partner knows too.” She narrowed her eyes at him, her own lips drawing onto a smirk. “If memory serves, you were very much into it.”

“I was,” Keanu said, meeting her gaze. “Still am.”

This time the tension that lingered between them wasn’t awkward, just heavy as they sneaked glances at each other throughout the rest of dinner and movie. Keanu wanted to move closer and touch her; have Steph in her arms, but there was a little voice in his head reminding him that this wasn’t real. She didn’t even know his name.

“Is everything ok?” she asked, and Keanu looked over to see she had a frown of worry. Maybe something had shown on his face.

“Yeah. Just fine,” he lied, combing his fingers through his hair and looking away. “What do you want to do now?”

Steph paused for a moment and Keanu could see she was searching for something to say. He hoped she wanted him to stay.

“I guess we should call it a night,” she said at last and he sighed, schooling his features so his disappointment wouldn’t be too obvious. Keanu put on his jacket and followed Steph to the garage. The awkward silence of unspoken words heaving on them.

“It’s a beautiful bike,” she commented, running her hand over the tank.

“Do you know anything about motorcycles?” he asked perking up at her interest.

“I just know they look awesome.”

“Do you wanna take a ride?” Keanu offered. It was a way to prolong this and for once he had his spare helmet with him.

“Let me grab a jacket and shoes,” she replied, smiling brightly and Keanu felt his heart speeding in his chest. That was all he wanted.

When Steph came back Keanu could see the excited glint in her eyes as he helped her put on the helmet, adjusting the strap under her chin before she climbed behind him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and he could smell her perfume surrounding him as he started the bike and took off.

Keanu didn’t want to scare her, so he kept it under the speed limit as he rode the roads of Hollywood Hills, but as he noticed her delighted laugh every time he took a sharp turn, he dared to put a little more speed, her hands tightening around his waist.

“That was amazing!” Steph exclaimed as they stopped at the shoulder of the road where tourists usually parked to take pictures, but at that time of the night it was completely dark and deserted; the only light sources were the stars and his bike.

She stood there, hair messy from the helmet, cheeks flushed from the ride, with a wide grin watching the city lights in the valley below and Keanu’s breath caught in his throat. Even though he loved to watch that view, all he could do was stare at her.

“Thank you, Charles,” she said, looking up at him.

“Keanu,” he blurted out before he could stop himself.

“What?” she asked with a cute little frown of confusion.

“It’s my name. My real name.”

“Oh,” she paused for a moment before her expression shifted into a smile. “Then thank you, Keanu.”

---

“Where did Charles come from?” Steph asked as they sat across each other in a diner she claimed had the best milkshake in Los Angeles.

“It’s actually my middle name.”

“Keanu Charles,” she said almost as if trying it out. “Sounds good. I don’t think I ever heard that name before. Keanu.”

“It’s Hawaiian,” he explained, swirling his chocolate milkshake. “Means cool breeze over the mountains.”

“That’s really nice,” she smiled around her straw and he had to look away so he wouldn’t think about how her lips had looked wrapped around his cock. “How did you end up with a Hawaiian name?”

Keanu took a deep breath, pushing his drink aside as he launched himself into the story about his father and the rest of the family; how he came to LA and ended doing what he was doing. He didn’t share that with many people, but he wanted to share it with her.

In turn, Steph spoke a little about her own family; how she always showed a talent for dancing and acting from a young age and her mom pushed her into doing all the auditions. She told him how she quitted at thirteen because she wanted to have a normal life. She didn’t come back to it until after college, where she discovered she did really love to perform, but on her own terms.

Once again it felt just like a perfect date and when they finished their shakes, which Keanu made sure to pay for, he brought her back home walking Steph to her door.

“I really enjoyed tonight,” she said with a soft smile as they paused outside.

“Me too.” He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek before he bent down to kiss her. She tasted like strawberries and it was the best thing in the world.

Steph wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer until their bodies were pressed together as they explored each other’s mouths. Their first time had been all about frantic need. Their kisses were hard and bruising. This time, even if the same hunger and heat lingered, there was a softness to it. Almost affection.

“Do you want to come in?” she asked against his lips. Keanu grinned and nodded, letting go of her only long enough for Steph turn around in his arms. He kept peppering kisses over her neck as she giggled and struggled against the lock.

They were back in each other’s arms as soon as they were inside, kissing and touching and peeling their clothes off on the way to the living room. Keanu paused for a moment to look at her, drinking the sight of her beautiful body and he didn’t think he ever wanted anyone as much as he wanted her.

He took a step towards Steph, but she stopped him with a hand on his chest. Keanu met her gaze in confusion, finding in her eyes a heated look that made his cock throb.

The hand on his chest trailed up almost teasingly until it buried in his hair and she took a handful of it, her grip firm with just a little edge of rough that made him hiss and goosebumps of anticipation rise on his skin.

“Kneel,” she ordered, using her hold on him to push him down and Keanu obeyed, looking up at her through his lashes as Steph smirked. “You look good like this, on your knees for me.”

She rested against the couch’s arm and spread her knees. Keanu almost whimpered as he saw her soaked cunt glistening in the low light of the room. He licked his lips and met Steph’s eyes again.

“You wanna taste me?”

“Yeah,” he breathed out, his voice shaky with need. He was so hard it almost hurt. “Please.”

Her expression turned into a gorgeous sly smirk as she tugged on his hair, bringing him closer until his mouth could reach her and Keanu ran the flat of his tongue over her slit, making Steph moan.

“You don’t come until I do,” she said, rolling her hips against his mouth. “And no fingers this time.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he mumbled against her.

There was a certain thrill of letting her command him like this, tell him exactly what to do and how. It made him hot with want and eager to please her. Make sure Steph was satisfied. He explored her cunt with his tongue and lips, paying attention to every spot that made her breath hitch or dragged a moan out of her.

He sucked on her clit with just the lightest scrape of teeth and Steph rocked her hips and pulled him even closer, grinding against his face. Keanu was having a hard time breathing and his jaw was starting to ache, but he could see the way her thighs were quaking and hear how she was panting; how her hands kept tightening against his scalp. Knowing he could make her feel this good was urging Keanu on, stroking his own desire as he flicked the tip of his tongue against her clit again and Steph groaned.

“Yes! Just like that. I’m so close,” she panted and he kept his rhythm steady, digging his nails on his thighs to keep himself from touching, his dick aching and leaking in need.

Soon he felt the way her entire body tensed, her thighs pressing against the side of his head as she came crying out his name. Keanu lapped hungrily at her juices, he could get addicted to her taste. He only stopped when Steph tugged on his hair again, pulling him away from her.

Keanu looked up, noticing her flushed face, sweat making her hair stick to her cheeks, a lazy, pleased smile tucked on her lips. She looked even more beautiful like this.

“Good?” he asked with a lopsided grin.

“Fucking perfect,” she said, bringing him closer until he was on his feet again and towering over her. “Deserves a reward.” Steph caught his lip into a dirty kiss that almost felt like she was chasing her own taste in his mouth.

At the first touch of her hand on his cock, Keanu moaned hips thrusting forward at their own accord desperate for more but Steph kept her motions slow and gentle, running her thumb over the head spreading the precum over his length.

“Steph, please…” he gasped, feeling her smirk against his mouth.

“Please what?” she asked, pulling back to look at him.

“Let me fuck you,” Keanu wasn’t ashamed to admit he was begging. He just needed to be inside her and he didn’t care what he had to do to get that. “Please, ma’am.”

“Good boy,” she grinned at him, pressing a quick on his lips. “Condom.”

Keanu moved away long enough to find his discarded jacket, reach for his wallet and grab the condom he kept it there. His hands shook as he rolled it on himself and moved back to Steph, waiting for her next command.

She gestured him to come closer, stand between her legs and Keanu obeyed, stroking himself to get some relief. Steph fixed her perch on the arm of the couch, making sure she had enough balance before she hooked her legs around his hips and pulled Keanu closer wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

They both moaned when his cock glided over her slit. Keanu squeezed his eyes shut, resting his forehead against hers, his fingers digging on her hips in the effort of not thrusting into her, not until she said so.

“God, you’re desperate for me, aren’t you?” Steph caressed the side of his face gently.  

“Yeah,” he gasped, his breath mingling with hers. “May I?”

“Yes,” she said, her hand stroking him again, before lining him to her entrance. “Slow.”

Keanu nodded and forced himself to slowly thrust into the delicious tight, wet heat. He knew Steph was doing this to drive both of them crazy and Keanu was close to losing it. Pleasure coursed through his body, making his mind dizzy with want.

Finally, he was all the way in and Steph shifted a bit for a better position sending sparks of pleasure through Keanu, making his hips snap up to meet her and she grinned at him.

“I love how full you make me feel,” she said, meeting his lips for a soft kiss. “Come on, baby. Fuck me.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. Keanu hiked her legs up to his waist and pulled back, almost all the way out before slamming back in, groaning as the movement made heat build on the pit of his stomach, her walls throbbing and fluttering around him.

Steph held onto his shoulders, letting him do all the work since she didn’t really have much leverage to meet his thrusts. Little cries of pleasure spilled from her lips as she leaned her head back, exposing the beautiful column of her neck and Keanu kissed and nipped gently, careful not to mark her smooth skin.

He got lost in sensations. The feel of her around him squeezing his cock almost as if trying to keep him close whenever he pulled back. The wet sound of their bodies meeting mixed with their groans of pleasure. The smell of their sweat together and the taste of her skin. The sight of her blissed-out expression as Keanu fucked her into incoherent pleas of more and faster.

Keanu was so focused on Steph, on making sure she was enjoying herself that his own orgasm took him a bit by surprise. He held her close, burying his face against her neck, grunting and panting and she held him through it, petting his hair.

Once he caught his breath, he met her gaze with a frown.

“You didn’t…” Steph just smiled.

“Takes me a while to come again after the first,” she said, kissing his cheek. “It’s ok, Keanu, I enjoyed it.”

“No, it isn’t,” he said pulling back from her and going on his knees again. Steph just chuckled, brushing his cheek. “I want you to feel good and I’m not gonna stop until you do.”

“Okay,” she replied with a grin. “Get to work then.”

xxx (tbc) xxx

Go to chapter 3

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[uglypastels]

Writing Challenge!!

Writing challenges are always so fun to do, so I decided to make one myself for a change. It’s also almost (not really) my birthday and I want to celebrate!!

It’s that time of the year again where it is cold outside, the leaves are falling off the trees, you just want to curl up under a blanket with a cup of hot chocolate and watch a movie... Or is that just me? 

Anyway, I love watching a good movie, or even a bad one sometimes.

This is why in this challenge, all prompts are quotes from movies! 

Rules are pretty basic, I’m not fussy about anything.  (prompts > “Keep Reading”)

You don’t have to be following me, but it would be nice of you, of course, if you did

Reblog this post to join and/or spread the word

Send me an ask wherein you choose a prompt 

Make sure you have a possible back-up if the said prompt is already taken

Preferably, I would like to have one story per prompt, but just in case anyone is really set on a prompt that has already been chosen, or if somehow by miracle every prompt is picked and more people want to join, each prompt will have two slots. (so one regular, one “emergency” slot)

All prompts are movie quotes, but your story doesn’t have to be based on the movie itself or have anything to do with the movie. Interpret the quote any way you want.

BE ORIGINAL! 

BE CREATIVE!

HAVE FUN! 

I would like to call myself a multifandom blog, but who am I kidding. I’m MARVEL’s bitch. 

Write about any MARVEL character/ actor (+ the Hollands/Harrison) you want but

if you want to do a different fandom, you are more than welcome!

Just don’t forget to tell me in your prompt request who you will be writing for.  

Fluff, angst, smut ... everything is allowed - just make sure to tag it.

NO UNDERAGE SMUT! Just don’t be gross, in general 

No, first person, but other perspectives are good to go

Any length of writing is good, but if it is longer than 500 words, make sure to use the “Keep Reading” option.

so the story can be a one-shot, two shot, a series < including a part of a series you already have going on.

When you post it, make sure to tag me and use the tag: 

#Z’s Movie Night Challenge

FOR AN EXTRA CHALLENGE (or if you just can’t pick): hmu with an ask telling me and I will pick for you! But do still mention who you will be writing for then.

Deadline is my birthday - December 18th! 

I will be making a masterlist of all the submissions

I think that’s it. Any more question? DM me or ask

(way too many) Prompts, but at least nobody can complain there is nothing to chose from: 

“I love you.” // “I know.” Star Wars, Episode V: Empire Strikes Back (@andwhatdostarsdobest w/ Tom Holland)

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” Gone With the Wind  ( @procrastinatingparker w/ Tom Holland) 

“After all, tomorrow is another day!” Gone With the Wind

“Go ahead, make my day.” Sudden Impact

“Here’s looking at you, kid,” Casablanca

“I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship.” Casablanca

“Of all the (gin joints) in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.” Casablanca ( @butwhyduh w/ Avengers cast)

“We’ll always have Paris.” Casablanca

“I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse.” the Godfather

“Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.” the Godfather: Part II ( @sunsetspidey w/ Tom Holland)

“Just when I thought I was out, (they) pull me back in.” Godfather: Part III ( @sleepwalkingdragon w/ Harrison Osterfield on hold)

“You talkin’ to me?” Taxi Driver

“Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy night.” All About Eve

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Love Story ( @rainbow-marvel w/ Tom Holland)

“Forget everything you think you know.” Doctor Strange

“Pain is an old friend.” Doctor Strange ( @theamazingspiderlingg w/ Tom Holland)

“What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate.” Cool Hand Luke ( @scholarlyspidey )

“What is it?” // “The stuff that dreams are made off.΅ the Maltese Falcon

“Alright, (Mr. DeMille), I’m ready for my close-up.” Sunset Boulevard

“There is no place like home.” Wizard of Oz ( @peterrrparkour w/ Tom Holland)

“I love the smell of (napalm) in the morning.” Apocalypse Now

“Show me the money!” Jerry Maguire

“You had me at ‘hello’.” Jerry Maguire ( @anxiety-in-a-getaway-car w/ Sebastian Stan)

“You complete me.” Jerry Maguire

“Why don’t you come up sometime and see me?” She Done Him Wrong

“Hey, I’m walking here!” Midnight Cowboy

“I want to be alone.” Grand Hotel ( @aw-hawkeye w/ Tom Holland)

“You can’t handle the truth!” A Few Good Men

“I’ll have what she’s having.” When Harry Met Sally ( @sleepwalkingdragon w/ Harrison Osterfield)

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." When Harry Met Sally (@somethingtoavenge  w/ Bucky Barnes)

“I’ll be back.” Terminator

“Hasta la vista, baby.” Terminator 2: Judgement Day.

“Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.” The Pride of the Yankees

“We rob banks.” Bonnie and Clyde

“Well, nobody’s perfect.” Some Like it Hot

“Houston, we have a problem.” Apollo 13

“I could do this all day.” Captain America: The First Avenger/ Civil War

“We’re still friends, right?” Captain America: Civil War ( @starksparker w/ Tom Holland)

“Have you been playing Space Invaders? Because you’re invading my space!” Pixels ( @cas-backwards-tie w/ Peter Parker)

“Well, a boy’s best friend is his mother.” Psycho

“Well here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into!” Sons of the Desert

“Say hello to my little friend.” Scarface

“(Mrs. Robinson) You’re trying to seduce me. Aren’t you?” the Graduate

“What a dump.” Beyond the Forest

“Is it safe?” Marathon Man

"Wait a minute, wait a minute. You ain't heard nothin' yet!" the Jazz Singer

“I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.” A Streetcar Named Desire

“Hello, gorgeous.” Funny Girl

“Surely you can’t be serious?” // “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley.” Airplane!

“My precious.” Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

"Listen to me, mister. You're my knight in shining armor. Don't you forget it? You're going to get back on that horse, and I'm going to be right behind you, holding on tight, and away we're gonna go, go, go!"  On Golden Pond ( @musiclover1263 w/ Peter Parker)

"Carpe diem. Seize the day(, boys). Make your live(s) extraordinary." Dead Poet Society.

“I’m the king of the world!” Titanic

“I’ll never let go, (Jack).” Titanic ( @spider-puck w/ Spideychelle)

“You make me want to be a better man.” As Good as it Gets ( @thewackywriter w/ mob!Tom Holland)

“As if!” Clueless ( @fratboievans w/ Peter Parker)

“They’re here!” Poltergeist

“We know each other. He’s a friend from work.” Thor: Ragnarok

“Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! (This is the War Room.)” Dr. Strangelove

“I wish I knew how to quit you!” Brokeback Mountain ( @petersshirts w/ Tom Holland) 

“I’m not bad. I’m just (drawn) that way.” Who Framed Roger Rabbit (@lovelymalira w/ Bucky Barnes)

“Why so serious?” the Dark Knight

“Magic Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest one of all.” Snow White and the Seven Dwarves ( @thequeensardine w/ Harrison Osterfield)

“.... I dare you. I double dare you.” Pulp Fiction ( @hollandofthefree w/ Tom Holland)

“Look I probably should have told you this before but you see... well... insanity runs in my family... It practically gallops.” Arsenic and Old Lace

“It’s just a flesh wound.” Monty Python and the Holy Grail ( @sarahwritesfiction  w/ Steve Rogers)

“He might be okay….Well, no, probably not now.” Groundhog Day

“Life’s a bitch; now so am I.” Batman Returns ( @idontknowhowtowritesosorry w/ Shawn Mendes)

“That rug really tied to room together, did it not?” The Big Lebowski

“No, it’s a cardigan, but thanks for noticing.” Dumb and Dumber

“Is that all he said?” Lost in Translation

“Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler.” Office Space ( @totallytomholland w/ Peter Parker)

“You wanna come over?” // “No, thanks. I don’t want you fucking up my life, too.” Office Space (@mobtomsgirl w/ Tom Holland)

“Okay, sounds like a case of the Mondays.” Office Space

“And suddenly, I felt nothing.” Fight Club ( @brokennccrown w/ Steve Rogers)

“You can tell a lot about a person by what’s on their playlist.” Begin Again

“(Veronica), you look like hell.” // “Yeah, I just got back.” Heathers ( @peter-is-the-best-avenger w/ Peter Parker or Tom Holland)

“Lick it up, baby. Lick it up.” Heathers

“But… I guess if I love you, I should let you move on.” 17 Again

“I want my life to be like an 80’s movie.” Easy A

“What makes life so hard?” // “People.” An Affair to Remember

“Have you ever been in love?” // “I think so.” Love, Simon (@fandomscombine w/ Peter Parker)

“I don’t wanna go.” Avengers: Infinity War (@fantasyizlife w/ Tom Holland)

“I don’t want another single pop culture reference out of you for the rest of the trip. You understand?” Avengers: Infinity War

“I am going to die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy.” Guardians of the Galaxy ( @fantasyizlife w/ Shawn Mendes)

“You actually were telling the truth?” // “I do that quite a lot, yet people are always surprised.” Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest ( @fantasyizlife w/ Harrison Osterfield)

“I have what they call an unattractive face.” Gainsbourg: A Heroic Life

“Oh, somebody, stop me!” The Mask

“I didn’t come here to tell you I can’t live without you. I can live without you. I just don’t want to.” Rumor Has It ( @marcymakemagic w/ Peter Parker)

“Are you always this cocky?” // “Only on Tuesdays… and whenever beautiful women are involved.” // “So, you think I’m beautiful?” // “Actually… it’s Tuesday.” the Three Musketeers  ( @tomhollanders2013 w/ Tom Holland)

“I’m going to be a lady if it kills me.” Dinner at Eight

“Prove it…” Shane

“I’m sorry, (Dave). I’m afraid I can’t do that.” 2001: A Space Odyssey

“Kiss my hot lips.” M*A*S*H*

“You have my sympathies.” Alien

“Get away from her, (you bitch)!” Aliens

“You can be my wingman anytime.” Top Gun

“Have you ever danced with the devil by the pale moonlight?” Batman

“Love your suit.” The silence of the Lambs

“Quid pro quo.” (= A favor for a favor) The Silence of the Lambs

“Always.” Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II ( @peter-parker-life w/ Tom Holland)

Good luck, have fun! 

Tagging some peeps to spread the word because this is one thing I don’t want to die:

@tomhiddleston-is-myboo @tonyintexas @andwhatdostarsdobest @tomsfireheart @spinneret-holland @rainbow-marvel  @lovelyh0lland @de-lir-i-ous @peter-parker-life @tomhollanders2013 @tomhollandthirst @lifeisabitchandsoareyou @darlingtholland @sweet-pea-imagines @anxiety-in-a-getaway-car @manhoeparker @h-osterfield  @positiveparker @casuallytumblingdownthestairs @justmesadgirl @fandomscombine @tom-holland-and-textposts @my-current-obsessions-hehe (Sorry to bother anyone.)

[thenightling]

The many things wrong with The Dreaming issue 5 (2019) ...I will not be kind...

Warning!  It’s long!

1.   Let us begin with the stupid Trumpisms.   I feel like Simon Spurrier thinks he has to punish or “re-educate” us poor, ignorant, Americans for electing Donald Trump.  It appears that no one has broken it to him yet that Trump lost the popular vote by over three million voters.  So why are we being punished because we’re stuck with him?  We’re already resisting as best we can or does he not watch the news? 

 There’s no way in Hell the color palette for this cover was an accident or happenstance.  For you non-Americans, the Republican (Trump) Party have a popular symbol.  An elephant that is usually drawn in red, white, and blue.

2.  The ugly and immature symbolism.   The Dreaming is bleeding color! (says the plot synopsis from the solicitations and DC Vertigo’s Facebook page).  Without diversity, without color, The Dreaming becomes bland, all white, and dreams die.  Do you know where I first saw this same literal story?   Rainbow  Bite in 1985!  Not only is it condescending and lacks the charm of the symbolism from The Sandman: Overture but it’s stolen, whether accidental or not, this is from a kids show from when i was a toddler in the 80s!    

3.   ‘Y’all.”   I know Judge Gallows is meant to be a cliche, old west style judge. But this is like watching a 1970s Doctor Who Brit actor put on what they think is an American accent.  The y’all(s) feel forced, and that takes a lot when it’s not said out loud.   He sounds like the damn chicken lawyer from Futurama. 

The accent, it burns!

4.    “His creator.”     It’s like Simon both knows and doesn’t know the original lore, all at once, it’s baffling.     As Lucien’s dying it looks like he’s half-reverted to a raven form.  @missghostlymoonshadow  you were right! 

 However as he was one of Dream’s ravens that indicates he used to be human (even if Lucien claims otherwise).   There was even some suggestion that he’s Adam.  Not sure about that as it’s very close to the novel Lilith but not impossible either.  

5. It’s Daniel the asshole, ladies and gentlemen!     I’ve complained about this before.  That whenever anyone other than Neil Gaiman writes Daniel, no matter how hard they seem to try, Daniel comes off as a f--king asshole.  Supposedly he has no choice, he has to leave.   But he’s so f--king cold here, so, so cold. 

You... Heartless... Little... Asshole...  

Morpheus was more kind to Dora in the flashback than Daniel is here!   WHY do people keep making Daniel crueler than Morpheus was pre-character-growth??!     Granted I’m starting to think there may be something wrong with Simon Spurrier, himself, that he thought what Lucien did on the steps of the castle with “I did warn you” is perfectly okay.  He doesn’t treat it like anything bad that he just uncreated a bunch of Merv’s friends on the steps of the castle.  In fact he treats Merv like he’s overreacting for being upset by it!  (Clearly he never read the start of Sandman: Overture or even The Dolls House.)  And yet we’re not supposed to be sympathizing with Merv’s behavior.  He made that clear.  Who (besides Dora) Are we supposed to care about?!??

His narrations try to keep us from pitying those that actually deserve pity.

Because how dare Cain actually give a damn that his brother is acting weird!

Unless Daniel turns out to be wearing a control collar ala X-Men, or has a magical-bomb implanted in his spine (Suicide Squad) this is going to be very hard for The Dream Lord to justify and even then it’ll be a little hard to forgive.  Daniel’s walking around, obviously still has access to some power.   Whatever his “I have no choice” is all about it seems like it can’t be quite equatable to Morpheus in the binding circle, in his glass bubble.   

6. I still want to know what the Hell happened to the griffon.   That griffon wasn’t of The Dreaming.  He was a gift from The Greeks.  Why did you replace him?  For the sake of cultural diversity?  There’s no in-story explanation.   Eve being any race she feels like makes sense.   But this doesn’t make sense and it’s jarring.  The Griffon wasn’t a dream entity.   See “The Wake.”

7.    Oh, look, someone skimmed Dream Hunters, or they didn’t and just picked up a few bits and pieces of Japanese folklore...

8.  MIlam Cascades is being far over-used and retroactively at that.   Trying to insert that into the original Sandman now doesn’t work.  I get the lore, I understand it’s origin, but really stop.  You’re just trying to make a mini Dream vortex.  or Vortexes... er Vortices.   

I NEVER want to be subjected to Milam Cascades again!  I’m starting to hate it as much as I hate the stupid revisions to Nuala’s necklace to make it a Macguffin, the existence of Echo, Cain and Abel’s sister wives, and Danny Nod.  (Creations from the first version of The Dreaming.) 

Do NOT retroactively describe things you want to insert into the original Sandman!  YOU are not Neil Gaiman!   Only he has a right to do that!  How dare you!

This is egotism. Not only is Milam Cascade being used as a mini Dream Vortex (the way Matthew’s death in the first version of The Dreaming was used as a mini knock-off of The Wake) but to have the audacity and arrogance to insert it into the original Sandman lore, to retroactively TAINT the original Sandman with this crap!    No.  if Neil, himself, did it, I would begrudgingly accept it.  But not here.  Not like this.   I don’t care if it’s “With Neil’s consent.”  He consents to a LOT of stuff, including the first, now defunct, version of The Dreaming.  

Wow, I’m more angry about that than I originally thought...

 9.   How dare you!  How DARE you do this to Lucien!    How dare you!   You saw how much it was despised that Matthew was killed off in the late 90s / early 2000s version of The Dreaming and yet you go and use Lucien like this?  And what’s worse is we’re supposed to pretend his behavior in issue 2 was okay because of it.  And no one reacted badly to him uncreating dream entities on the steps of the castle and acting like it was a form of punishment (”I did Warn you.”) except Mervyn, who was OBVIOUSLY in the wrong, because he’s an EVIL racist now!

 So, first you write Lucien badly, but I guess the memory fading was supposed to make that justifiable. Then you don’t even address that what he did was wrong, except through a character who you’ve gone out of your way to make unlikable and ridiculously out of character.   And now poor Lucien is dying and “Won’t be at peace in The Dreaming.” 

Thanks, Satan.

10.  Still no explanation for randomly turning Mervyn into a redneck Trump supporter and classist caricature.  The biggest OOC (Out of character) moment being when he made the “You people” comment to Erzulie in The House of Whispers comic book.  Do you not remember how Merv would look like a deer in headlights if caught backbiting Morpheus but you think he’d be racist to a Voodoo goddess to her face?!  This... Does not make sense...

Yeah, no....

He should be afraid Erzulie will turn him into a spiced pumpkin jam in her cupboard.  

11.   The only sword in Destruction’s realm should have been his own and he took that with him when he abandoned his post. (See Brief Lives.)

12.  He writes Cain as a knife-happy muppet that wants to stab everything.  We’re supposed to know something’s wrong with how Abel’s acting but this is what he thinks is normal for Cain?  Cain ONLY kills his brother, it’s his compulsion.  As they are both mostly immortal this is kind of a thing for them.  And Simon Spurrier has yet to justify having THE KEEPER OF MYSTERY spend nearly three pages explaining who and what he is.  (There’s no way in Hell he’s murder incarnate.  That’s like saying Bill Gates is Windows OS Incarnate.) 

_________________________

Things I’m okay with:

I’m okay with Dreamkin.  We can keep that term.  I’ve been trying to figure out what to call the creatures of the Dreaming for over a year and a half now.  Dreamkin works.     

The Morpheus flashback was... Okay...   I sort of liked those. 

Matthew’s still being written semi-decently.

The art is decent. 

There.  It’s done.  It’s written.   I’m going to go back to re-reading Goethe’s Faust again...

I’m tagging all the Sandman fans who may want to see this.

@jr4cats  @sorry-for-the-chocolate @deathlyendless @winterbirdybuddy @vagaryhexxx @endlessemptynight  

[enixamyram]

Bullshit Videos

Long rants about Anti’s.

Not only does this person complain that: “It just seemed like this girl was coming in like: I’m a warrior hero and I’m gonna be the one to save everyone.” Like that’s not EVERY damn super hero film ever. I mean has she seen Iron Man? Part of Tony’s story is that he’s arrogant. Has she seen Thor? Another guy who pretty much acted like he was God’s gift. And on top of that, Carol doesn’t even ACT this way in the film. She’s doesn’t act like “I’m gonna save everyone”. She very much acts “Shit, there’s a skrull loose and you guys are too far away, I’m gonna do what I can until you get here with the help of this guy called Nick and some old friends.” How is any of that even close to what she’s trying to say???

But also this girl does what most anti-CM people do. She complains about Brie. Apparently she found a tweet where Brie was pissed that a TSA Agent asked for her number after she smiled at him and she is “sorry that a guy put himself out there”. Like, are you freaking kidding me? Are you seriously gonna do the, poor guy was just putting himself out there and she put him down. Like that poor guy. Let’s all feel sorry for the poor guy. He was just trying to put himself out there so that makes it okay for him to ask random girls out while he’s working. It’s awkward, it’s uncomfortable, and if Brie wants to complain about in then she has ever right to!

I got 2:00 minutes into this video. Not going any further.

The title alone is stupid af. *Snort* yeah, dude. Disney and Marvel are gonna ditch the film that made 1 billion worldwide. Cause Disney clearly cares more about the butthurt trolls complaining about the film, than the actual money it makes. This guy totally gets how big companies work.

I skipped through 2:00 minutes but got bored of their whining.

“What is with that face... Be humble... What an arrogant-”

Oh shut the f*ck up. She’s having fun. She’s having a laugh. She’s teasing Jimmey. Like all f*cking actors and actresses do when they go on these shows, they have a freaking laugh. Maybe if you removed the thorny stick up your ass, you’d understand the concept of enjoying yourself and being cheeky with people for fun.

1:00 in and I’m not watching some dumbass be a bitter bitch.

And this right here is why Captain Marvel fans, don’t take the haters seriously.

Really? The worst? It’s THE WORST?! Are you freaking kidding me?! Did you drink a special stupid sauce or were you just born this petty and dumb?

Skimmed through the whole video and yes, it’s as stupid and bias as it’s title.

Lemme just sum this up for all of you. “I don’t like the story telling of this film, therefore it’s bad.”

Skimmed halfway, got sick of him just picking things that I enjoyed (you know, because it was new and different to how the other films have done origin stories) and saying it’s not good. This is the definition of single minded. You don’t like it, therefore it isn’t good. Completely ignore all the positive parts of the story telling, and just bitch while acting like you know what you’re talking about.

There are so many other videos clogging up my feet, all following this same line as the others, but I can only take so much bullshit. I said it for “This is the worst MCU film to date” but I’ll say it again.

There people are the reason we don’t take haters seriously.

It’s because the hate is either is so clearly bias, or forced and fake for the sake of being “anti SJW”, or just plain wrong. How am I supposed to take anyone seriously, when their biggest problem with the movie is that Brie Larson plays the title character? And their biggest problem with Brie, is she dare have an opinion about equality in the media.

[sambart93]

2017.08.18 KamiGami no Asobi Review!

I have to admit I was super, super pumped when they announced this but when the casting came out and saw they were only doing like HALF the characters, my expectations just went to the bottom of the bottom.

Official Site here Official Twitter here Press Coverage 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

CAST and CHARACTERS

Yajima Yakumo as Apollon Shiokawa Wataru as Hades Motokawa Shota as Thoth Tanno Enichi as Dionysus Sekine Yuuna as Kusanagi Yui Kim Sung Ra as Zeus Ensemble: Yamashita Masaki, Sekuguchi Yuya, Kakihara Koki, Tada Satoshi, Sawaken Taro and Hamada Takuto

STORY

This stage doesn’t follow the anime at all, I assume it’s closer to the game’s story. The main triangle is Apollon vs Hades while Zeus and Thoth are watching over Apollon and hoping something bad doesn’t happen. The plotline of Apollon and his long-lost love is pretty important to the story. Dionysus is basically just there to help lower tensions or be the comic relied. It’s very heavily Yui and Apollon scenes -- but that could be because I watched the Apollon route stage and not the Hades route stage -- there were too, unfortunately I couldn’t see Hades’.

NON-SPOILER REVIEW

Overall: I went in with pretty low expectations and came out entertained. I enjoyed this. It had some really good parts, and then some not so good parts. I was super impressed and surprised at Apollon’s actor Yajima, and I thought Motokawa was THE perfect Thoth. I also really enjoyed Shiokawa’s Hades. There were some higawaris and some comical moments which got everyone laughing. Melissa was definitely funny to watch. It’s definitely not the most amazing play I’ve seen but it was decent enough. If they ever do a second stage, I’m excited to see how they step it up or which characters get added and such. Rating: 6/10

SPOILER REVIEW

So I went into this with literally no expectations; just that I had a good seat and that the seats are comfy – that theatre is super comfy! I ended up being smack in the middle of 5th row! I thought my view was pretty spot on. With the projection mapping and sometimes they act from high up in the tower like parts, I had a good view of everything and didn’t have to crane my neck up to see them.

I really, really like the opening and what they did with the projection mapping in that scene. It had all this cool music and special effects. It was a good, solid introduction/opening.

I honestly walked out of the theatre thinking “that could've been a lot worse.... it was actually pretty decent” and I was surprised I ended up enjoying it -- that’s not a good thing is it! But what with Kamigami being such a popular game and anime and then when they announced the stage everyone got excited but then, they got actors that literally no one had heard of (I only knew one of the vaguely) and I started seeing lots of people trying to sell their tickets on twitter; it was all a bit disheartening. But then I got there, almost a full room, it was a lot of fun and I enjoyed it a LOT more than I expecting. The row behind me was interesting; there were a lot of guys which made me think two things ‘kankeishas’ OR their girlfriends had dragged them all to it >.<

I enjoyed quite a few scenes in this, although at first it went a long time without any comedy in it that I wasn’t sure if it wanted to be a serious play, but very soon we got some comedy scenes and so higawaris (daily changing scenes). Unfortunately, a lot of the comedy scenes, other people didn’t find funny so I had to stay quite and laugh inside most of the time; which is a shame because it was difficult for me to hold it in. I giggled a lot, as did the girl next to me, throughout the play; so it definitely had it’s charm.

One of the higawaris was; they (Apollon, Hades, Dionysus and some of the ensemble playing students) had a sports competition where they picked a card off the floor, and whatever was written on it, they had to go and find that item. So Apollon’s team had ‘sensu’, whereas Hades/Dionysus’ team had ‘iPad/tablet’, and they had to run into the audience to find and take one! After they got the items, they had to appeal and give reasons about what’s good about the items. The lucky girl who gave them her iPad and password; they took a pic of Apollon on it for her! Apollon won the competition though - I call bullshit and it was completely bias voting towards Apollon! xD

We also got the scene where Zeus is a dick and decided to change the seasons before they could go to the beach and obviously everyone is very upset and Apollon tries his best to cheer everyone up, so he jumps into the sea (which ends up being off stage and in the audience area) and you see him clinging to himself like ‘hey guys! It’s fun! You should join us!’ and everyone else is like ‘you’re shivering!’ it was adorable!

Shortly after that scene, one comedy scene that stuck with me, Yui and Apollon decide to get fireworks to cheer everyone up, before they go, they tell Hades and Dionysus to wait for them, BUT when they come back, they made Hades and Dionysus wait so long that they were practically stood frozen cold in the snow xD And then to warm them up, they gave them both a heat pack but Hades’ wouldn’t work so Dionysus swapped with him. It was adorable because OF COURSE Hades gets the bad luck and it wouldn’t work for him >.<

Anyway, now for the cast/character break down!

Yajima Yakumo as Apollon: Yajima impressed me a lot in this! As we know, I wasn’t expecting much but he did a damn good job! I really felt like he was Apollon; he did it very well! Also I really like how much DARKER Yajima made Apollon in this. There’s moments where Apollon has like a flash of his lost love and he’s cling to Yui and be like ‘you will never leave me’ in a very possessive manner and will grab he arm and be like ‘why did you leave me! You’re not going anywhere!’. There was this split personality thing going on with Apollon and I loved it. Yajima is NOTHING but bone and muscle though. He is way too thin!! BUT not that I’m complaining all that much because he was half naked on stage towards the end there.... it was a nice sight....

Shiokawa Wataru as Hades: I was in love with Hades, and I really wish I could've seen Hades' ending! I really wanna see sexy Hades!!! Let me show you:

Not only was the costume beautiful, but, just like the anime, I loved this Hades too! I hope both endings are put on the DVD so I can see it! Shiokawa was a very soft and timid Hades; it was totally adorable!

Motokawa Shota as Thoth: Motokawa was the perfect Thoth. They casted this character perfectly! I think he did an amazing performance and so accurately too! Thoth's actor did not disappoint. I feel like he was the most accurately cast. He was completely and totally Thoth. Perfect! 

Tanno Enichi as Dionysus: I didn’t give him as much attention as I did other people but I do remember that I thought he did a decent job. Dionysus has never been a favourite of mine within this series but in this one Dionysus was sweet. Which is the complete opposite of what Dionysus should be right? We should be getting this loud, drunk guy who’s obsessed with wine; I think that would’ve helped add more comedy to the stage if they’d kept those parts of his character. All in all, his character had only like 20 minutes on stage, and most of that was just being support for Hades or just being there. He didn’t really leave much of an impression and just did...alright.

Sekine Yuuna as Kusanagi Yui: Sekine has got to be new; she was not good and the weakest of them all. It all felt so fake and forced and so... ridiculous from her. For example, her acting when she got struck by lightning was not good and the timing was off -- it looked very, very silly. It just wasn’t good.

Kim Sung Ra as Zeus: I really, really liked his Zeus. He played him just right; the right amount of dickness. He was pitiless. He wasn’t in it as much as I hoped he would be, but when he was on stage, he had this strong, powerful voice and his posture was great too. He was a good Zeus ^_^

Ensemble: Yamashita Masaki, Sekuguchi Yuya, Kakihara Koki, Tada Satoshi, Sawaken Taro and Hamada Takuto

The Ensemble were absolute gold though! They made this play so much more enjoyable, and they had a lot to do in this also. I especially loved the guy playing Melissa; he had NO shame! He basically worn a black outfit, to cover himself up and then used a teddy bear of Melissa and had little sticks on his legs and arms so he could move him like a puppet. He was really good, one example where the guy himself had no shame was, at one point Melissa couldn’t pick up the flowers with his puppet hands, so the guy went ‘gomennasai / I’m sorry’ and used his own hand to grab it and ran off stage. Melissa / the guy covered up was rather funny!

--

This play ended up being very enjoyable and had me giggling at a lot of parts, but I can’t deny that there were some dodgy moments, such as Sekine’s acting, there were too many quick switches between scenes, the first part goes a long time without any comedy so it was difficult to grasp what it wanted to be, and the biggest problem (in my opinion) was that the cast itself wasn’t very large; I really wanted other characters such as Loki and Anubis, BUT hopefully they’ll come next time if they decide to do a second stage. I am really impressed with Apollon and Thoth, and the ensemble were gold, and I fell for Hades all over again. So yes, I was entertained and look forward to a second installment and to seeing how they improve the next time around too.

[the-desolated-quill]

The Doctor, The Widow, And The Wardrobe - Doctor Who blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

I actually went into this one cautiously optimistic for once. While there were a few problems with it, Moffat's adaptation of A Christmas Carol was pretty damn good overall and surprisingly touching at points. (See, I do say nice things about Moffat sometimes. So I don’t want anymore hate mail saying I’m just a Moffat hater. I’m not a Moffat hater. I just despise shit writing. It’s not my fault if most of what Moffat writes is shit, is it?). Granted I wasn’t too keen on the idea of Moffat adapting The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe. I’m not exactly a fan of CS Lewis (misogynistic prick), but I figured I’d give Moffat a chance. It might be really good.

Was it? Well... I suppose it’s not the worst thing he’s ever written.

Things don’t exactly go off to a promising start. Remember when the Doctor said it was time to step back into shadows? Go into hiding? Stop being so big and noisy? Well this episode opens with the Doctor blowing up a spaceship. So much for hiding. And don’t get me started on the Doctor falling to Earth and trying to put on a spacesuit whilst in the vacuum of space. I know the science in Doctor Who has always been incredibly dodgy, but this is taking the piss.

Anyway the Doctor is rescued by a woman called Madge and he vows to return the favour. Three years later, during World War 2 (yes again), Madge and her family get evacuated (to an empty house, which is unusual. Also Madge is evacuated with her children. Why I don’t know. Either she’s a lot younger than she looks or Moffat hasn’t picked up a history textbook in a while) and the Doctor returns to give them the best Christmas they’ve ever had.

Let’s quickly talk about the family. First there’s Madge, played by Claire Skinner. Not a particularly interesting character, but she seems likeable enough. I enjoyed her resourcefulness at the beginning with the lockpick and everything. I also liked her emotional dilemma. Trying to give her children a happy Christmas while at the same time handling her own grief toward her seemingly dead husband and attempting to put a brave face on it. Her husband is played by Alexander Armstrong, who gives a good enough performance with the small amount of material he’s been given, although it’s a bit hard to take him seriously as an RAF pilot considering that he played an RAF pilot in the comedy sketch show Armstrong & Miller. Every time he talked, I kept expecting him to start complaining about how he wasn’t allowed to wear his ‘well hardcore trousers with all the pockets and shit’. Their children are less effective however. Cyril is a gormless troublemaker played by a child actor who gives a performance more wooden than the trees. And finally there’s Lily, who... exists. She breathes in oxygen and breathes out carbon dioxide. That’s basically her main contribution to the story. (And don’t forget, trees absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygen, so Lily is in fact making a very important contribution indeed).

We then spend some time enjoying some wacky hijinks with the Doctor, including spinning armchairs, taps that dispense lemonade, a train set built into a Christmas tree, and hammocks. While I’ve never been very fond of Matt Smith’s Doctor, even I have to admit I found this amusing. I think it’s because of how humble it all is. The Doctor isn’t being weird just to show off how weird he’s being like he normally does. He genuinely wants make this family happy.

And then it’s off to Narnia.

At first things are pretty suspenseful. Christmas trees that grow their own baubles, mysterious footprints and a wooden building shaped like a giant Playstation Move (remember those?). But as things go along, you get the sense that the episode is treading water a bit. Let’s face it, there isn’t actually a plot here. Sure Moffat tries to shake things up with the wooden statues and Bill Bailey in a space marine outfit. He even name-drops Androzani in the hopes that it’ll get classic series fans like myself excited. But it does little to disguise the fact that we’re basically watching a bunch of people trudging through the snow for 45 minutes with not a lot actually happening. It’s a bit dull. In fact name-dropping Androzani might not have been the best idea because all it did was remind me I could be watching The Caves Of Androzani right now instead of this.

Bill Bailey is utterly wasted. Who casts a brilliant comedian like him as the comic foil? Whose stupid idea was that? It hurts especially because you just know if he was doing most of the jokes, he would knock it out of the park. instead it all feels really awkward and forced. The other two Androzani miners just aren’t very good. And more to the point, what are they all even doing there? They’re using acid rain to harvest the trees, but why do they need to be there on the ground? And why, other than for the sake of plot convenience, did they leave that mechanical walker behind?

It soon becomes clear this is supposed to be an environmentalist story. The souls of the trees wanting to escape from the destructive influence of man. A worthy cause I suppose, even if it is a bit old hat. It’s a pity it doesn’t really make sense. So their plan to escape is to just wait for a human woman to conveniently happen upon them? Bit weak, isn’t it?

And then of course Moffat’s trademark sexism comes creeping back in. When her children disappear, mild mannered Madge suddenly shifts to the Moffat default of a gun toting sass machine (where did she even get the gun from anyway?) because that’s the only way Moffat knows how to write women. Apart from anything else, it’s just boring by this point. She manages to incapacitate the Androzani miners with ease, she manages to operate the mechanical walker despite the fact it takes years of training to do so apparently, and she absorbs the souls of the entire forest. How is she able to do all of that? Because she’s a mum. Yes ladies, it’s your capacity to bear life that makes you strong.

Moffat thinks he’s a feminist. I think he has an extremely unhealthy and patronising obsession with the female reproductive system. Also he doesn’t seem to understand how relationships actually work (which is a bit worrying considering he’s married). Newsflash: A man following a woman home alone in the middle of a forest is not romantic or charming. it’s just fucking creepy.

Yeah, so anyway, after some convoluted bullshit that gets everyone back home and brings Madge’s husband miraculously back from the dead, the Doctor goes off to visit Amy. I was more than happy to see the back of her, so you can imagine my disappointment when she showed up at the end. (And with a water pistol to assault carol singers with. What a delightful person). The episode concludes with an oh so poetic tear trickling down the Doctor’s face while the audience simultaneously groans with embarrassment at such a cliched ending.

Like I said, The Doctor, The Widow, And The Wardrobe isn’t the worst Moffat story I’ve seen. It’s not outrageously bad or anything. It’s just not very good. Also, apart from the WW2 setting and the snowy forest, it doesn’t seem to have anything to do with The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe whatsoever. In my opinion, the biggest crime this episode commits is that it’s just really, really dull to sit through. My advice is to just watch A Christmas Carol again.

[ionlycareabouthhn]

Halloween Horror Nights Review (Sept. 23rd)

It’s that time of year again, and I couldn’t be happier about it. Truly. I finally made it down to Horror Nights for the first of several trips I’ll be taking this year. The anticipation has been building all year and the fact that I wasn’t there opening weekend made it build even more. I haven’t missed opening weekend in six years. I can say with one hundred percent certainty that it was absolutely worth the wait.

Here are my initial thoughts after my first night, September 23rd. I’m curious to see how these changes and how my rankings shape up when it’s all said and done. For now, I’ll be discussing each house in the order that I saw them in. Spoilers ahead.

 Hive: You’d think there would be a certain amount of pressure placed upon the first house that I see each year but over the years I’ve let that die out. More times than not, the first house I see tends to fall a little flat for some reason and I have to do it again before I make any real judgments. So, while I was excited to be stepping back into a haunted house at Universal once again my expectations were low. I knew that this was originally supposed to be The Conjuring and didn’t know how well the replacement would do. I felt complacent about this one going in. Holy mother of god, was this a scary house, though. I briefly had the thought that I had been to HHN enough times to not have to scream with each scare but that lasted about ten seconds into this one. It was very dark in here to me, and it didn’t help that it was daylight out and my eyes hadn’t adjusted. That made it all the more scary. The standout scene to me was the one with the hanging vampires. I also loved the glowing eyes. We only did this one once so I’m interested to go through again.

 Blumhouse of Horrors: I had read so many “meh,” to downright terrible opinions about this one with the lowest expectations I could possible have. Wrong. First off, shout out to the team member waiting just past the façade who yelled “boo,” when we walked by and actually startled us. I was thrilled to see “Mr. Boogie,” in the Sinister section. I’m a big fan of the first Sinister movie and wished they had given it a little more space in this house. The Purge was ok, its few rooms alone got to me more than the house a few years ago ever did. This house is largely Insidious though. The Insidious house from 2015 was one of the scariest ones to me, and to see parts of that come back to life was nice. That damn demon got me good a few times. One of the most memorable things here was that the group in front of us didn’t know which way to go and we were stuck in one spot so long that the scareactors in Insidious would pop out and point them in the right direction. I genuinely want to do this one a few more times and don’t think it deserved the hate that I saw it get. Yes, I would have liked to see something that wasn’t a repeat of properties we already had, but for what it was, I liked it.

 Scarecrow: The Reaping: To quote the very scared man behind me in this house, “son of a biscuit!” This was one of my worst nightmares. I find scarecrows to be terrifying enough as it is, and this played right into that. My god, were the actors intense in here. I absolutely loved the confined feeling of certain scenes as well as the costumes. The biggest scare here was when you could hear and feel the thudding footsteps and then the giant scarecrow popped out. Then again, the whole thing was scary as hell. I was completely out of breath when we finally reached the end. They really knocked it out of the park here.

Ash vs the Evil Dead: I’ll keep this short and sweet. This one didn’t do too much for me. By no means was it a bad house, but having never seen the show, I didn’t connect with it. There were some fun moments here and there as opposed to big scares or scares at all. So far it’s the weakest one for me. Maybe I should find a way to watch the show to better appreciate it.

 Dead Waters: I would like to issue a formal apology to the teenage boy and his dad in front of me in this house for the string of expletives that came out of my mouth when I turned the corner and saw this façade. Gorgeous. My jaw was on the floor. The sets in this house were so incredibly detailed that I’m going to want to come back to this one a few more times. In fact we did this one twice that night. My biggest scare of the night came from this house. In that circular room towards the end I was too focused on the scareactor by the hanging body on the left. I turned and saw the boo hole on the right and the second I registered there might be someone in there, they came rushing out and I hit the floor. This was everything an original house needs to be. I walked out practically screaming about how amazing it was. I dare say that this might be the best original house they’ve ever done. I hope this one holds up on repeat visits.

 The Fallen: Hmmm…I didn’t hate it. I’ll make that very clear, this wasn’t a BAD house. The sets were nice, the bungee scare was amazing as were all of the scares that came from above but there was clearly something missing. I didn’t necessarily feel like there was much of a plot since they removed the angels that were original supposed to be in it. In a way that was both an advantage and disadvantage. On the one hand it made it harder to really pick out where the scares were going to come from, but on the other hand, seeing places where they clearly had a gap for an angel to be (I assume) made it obvious something was missing. I’m going to need to see this a few more times I think.

 The Shining: This is what I’ve been waiting for literally the entire span of time during which I have come to this event. The Shining is my favorite scary movie. I have a poster on my wall, a mini Jack figurine, I love listening to “Midnight With the Stars and You.” I was a little concerned when I read that people weren’t too thrilled with this one and I didn’t want to get my hopes up only to be disappointed. Luckily I wasn’t. Was I scared? No. In fact I don’t think I’ll ever be really scared in this house because I was grinning like an idiot all three times, and even crying tears of joy during my first run. This was everything I wanted it to be. Every part and character that should have been featured was. I especially loved The Gold Room scene (Hair of the dog that bit me Lloyd!) and the fact that the elevator scene wasn’t a screen made my heart soar. Thinking about this house now while writing this makes me want to weep tears of joy all over again. This house was everything I needed and I’ll never ask for anything else in my life again. (Maybe)

 American Horror Story vol. 2: So much asylum! That was the only season in this one I had seen from start to finish and it was my favorite. I can’t complain about that part. I was even pleasantly surprised by the Santa scare. Coven and Roanoke were also well done. The thing that stood out to me the most was how much some of the actors looked like the characters they were playing. As of right now I feel like I slightly preferred the house from last year but I have a feeling that might change the more I see this one.

Saw: The Games of Jigsaw: Back in 2009 when I was younger and knew nothing about Horror Nights, the Saw house that year was the one I was most excited for. I had read good things and made sure we made a beeline to the back of the park to do it first. A crucial mistake in hindsight because it was still way too light outside. It was my first ever HHN house and its my least favorite of all time, a fact I consider to be tragic. With that in my mind I wasn’t too thrilled when this one was announced. I didn’t set out to hate it, but I went in thinking I wouldn’t get scared at all. Ironically some of my biggest scares came from the pig men in this house. I also looked for and found some of the buttons I had read people talking about. A couple of them didn’t do anything that I was able to notice but the last one did…and it made me jump. This was a pleasant surprise and one of my favorites of the evening.

 There you have it. I’ll devote more time to the scarezones and revisit my thoughts on the houses once I return from my next trip at the beginning of next month. My heart is so full of love from this event. It’s the most wonderful time of the year.