#they truly have such beautiful songs

[sivvan]

@userdramas event 10: emotions

↳ seventeen songs + emotions

[ahwait-no-yes]

misvil is so beautiful and underappreciated..

[swordheld]

hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?

hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].

but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.

it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.

and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.

the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.

an emptiness, like you said.

but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.

you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.

he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.

but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.

how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.

the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.

think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.

i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.

but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.

as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛

[theotherrichardpapen]

...because any moment may be our last. everything is more beautiful because we're doomed.

[rotatedaxis]

such love for "you're begging for tissues, all you get is confetti" like, you're in need of something so simple but you're given this ineffectual thing that can't actually help you at all. it just reads as your needs are forgotten or minimised to their smallest possible point and if that isn't being treated seriously then it's mocked or can be dealt with by something small. in line with the song, your nose is bleeding and the best thing for this is tissues, but all you have is confetti, just this little thing that really isn't going to help whatsoever but it's all the help you're gonna get. And the way this comes just after "but [your friends are] all bloodsucking vampires", just adds bc it's like, well they're getting something out of your struggles but you, it's safe to say, are not having a good time. it gives this impression of people taking joy in your suffering but acting as though they aren't or are doing the absolute barest minimum in giving something that might help but, in reality, doesn't, if anything makes it worse, emotionally-speaking.

and maybe it's just me, but the whole thing feels very defeated. like whoever the character of the song is, has just been putting up with all sorts of crap for however long and is just exhausted by it all, but cover it all up "wave hello 'cause nothing's wrong" and take their "heart off of their sleeve" and just act carefree and like everything's okay when nothing is, just bury it all, they don't "get tragic" anymore (perhaps suggesting that they, along with taking their heart off their sleeve, they don't show any of their emotions anymore)

. again, maybe it's me, but "i'm gonna die before you, it's the first race that i'll win" doesn't inspire a particularly hopeful ending and maybe that ties in with being carefree and "hectic", suddenly - people who know it'll be over soon tend feel okay about it, without getting too deep into it right here right now.

maybe, the whole lot reads as a bullying narrative. talking about giving the kids "something to shout back / as the books fall out of my rucksack" and not being "everything to everyone", by trying to please everyone you please no one, so that type of people-pleasing behaviour never worked out for our character, and just resulted in, at least, teasing. "I don't take my phone off silent anymore" could suggest, if you follow this theme, that they don't want to see what people are sending them or saying to them, so you could call them but they probably won't see it or notice. And then, of course, "while your friends sing happy birthday / but they're all bloodsucking vampires" suggests fake friends and people who turn their backs when you're in need, when you'd give them your time and energy and care - they act like they care, shallow things like singing happy birthday, but won't actually help when it's needed, like our character's nosebleed for which they 'beg' for tissue, but all they get is confetti. (and the word beg suggests that they're really trying to get what they need, but to no avail, so they just have to make do with what they can get their hands on)

anyway. I don't know how much or how little sense any of this makes. all I know is all you get is confetti is an excellent song that has me in a chokehold (despite only being out for not even 5 hours at this point) and it deserves to be heard and read into and loved.

[figsbass]

if i could bottle any feeling in the world it would be everything i felt between the last minutes of bahumia into the transition to one big bed

[vinylvacancy]

vinyls from my collection ( in no particular order ) 14 / eyes opened and eyes closed

if i can’t have love i want power ( 2021, but the 2022 tour exclusive reissue ) by halsey 

[s4pphic-sh3nan1gans]

do you want to know how much the jance pictures affected me?

I am currently writing a song about it (or attempting to, at least) and I just- ajshakshak I can't do this anymore, the chokehold they have on me is INSANE.

that said, there is absolutely no better inspiration than something that makes you feel so many things at 3am. no matter what it is, it just hits different and I'm... I'm not okay 😭😭😭

[ardate]

Ten years ago I didn't share my ex's obsession with Summoning but, listening to them again, I think I'm starting to understand

[chrisbangs]

❤️‍🩹

[s4intjust]

sometimes for your mental wellbeing you need to lay down for like six hours and listen to every single song aaron tveit covered. this is therapy and life changing experience. this works every single time

[exsqueezememacaroni]

Imagine, if Mr. Patton didn't marry an Italian girl, we wouldn't have Mondo Cane, one of the most beautiful things that you can listen to.

Thank God she isn't German, he he. (i mean german language is horrible on the ears)

true true true - but I also think the man could make just about any song sound delicious. When he goes into the banter during concerts in germany (mostly asking the audience if they're pig fuckers) I am...pretty turned on, tbh.

BUT! we do have the italian wife to thank for Mike channeling his inner mafioso

[makerscockandballs]

HC that it's very overwhelming for Justice to be in charge. Having a live physical form means that everything is so loud, he can feel every gust of wind and piece of fabric like its cutting into him, even the beat of their heart is too much.

It does get better with time, but he prefers to have Anders control their body and be a kind of buffer for everything while Justice observes and comments.

And jumps in to protect Anders on occasion. Or when he wants to be wholly present and experience the world closely, even if it is difficult and draining for him.

[thedeadthree]

lila thoughts under the read more <3 🥀✨🌹🎸

lila getting with griffin / g reign and having their little thing in “secret” not only bc it’s what her parents did to each other to get back at the other for slights and arguments but also bc she wanted to not only get back at seven but also to be like “oo look at me i can pull griffin freaking reign i won teehee.” and then the clown catches real feelings for griffin and calls jazz near in tears bc she’s just like her mom 🥀✨🎸🤡 and using someone she loves to get back at someone who she loved may or may not have even loved (i think she did but loved more the idea ? it’s complicated!) but loved the IDEA of seven loving her? dear you know it everyone knows it you want to be loved so bad!!!!!! the sooner you admit that lila the sooner you’ll be much happier my love! so excited to see where things go for her ! and things for her and her beloved g!!!!!

(x) for the divider <3

[cherry-vennom]

the moon is beautiful & I love my life

✨🌕💗✨