#they were far too comfortable with excusing certain characters actions will destroying others

[rotating-hyperfixations]

I believe that if you have been active on the Glee subreddit in the last 5-10 years, particularly in the pandemic era, you deserve financial compensation, a Medal of Honor, literally anything for being in the trenches on that thread. Every time I log on to check and see what’s up, they are literally posting the most rancid takes and excusing homophobia or racism or both. It was truly were nuance and analysis would go to die, especially for characters like Santana and Quinn who didn’t fit into the nice near boxes of the show.

If your a fellow deserter/former member, you have my upmost respect

[blvejeanbaby]

The Farmhouse (m)

Pairing: Wooyoung x reader, San x reader, Yeosang x reader + multiple Ateez members x OC characters + boy x boy action Word count: 14.9k Warning: sex (though mostly foreplay), threesome, mentions of sex, alcohol use, some Ateez members are gay

disclaimer: I am not trying to assume anyone’s sexuality with this story, that was not what this was meant for! This is all a work of fiction and what I write in this story doesn’t necessarily reflect my thoughts in real life.

A/N: I had originally planned for this story to end up very, very differently but I like to write wherever my mind goes. That’s why I had originally planned to split this up into four parts, with a different ending in my mind. You’ll find out part of what that different ending was in the extra scene at the end n.n

Day 1 On a trip, the last mile is always the longest - it’s not so much the truth as the truth of a feeling. Yunho made sure the last mile wouldn’t come for a while. Even though he had proclaimed himself to be an excellent driver, perfectly capable of following up instructions while driving safely, he hadn’t been too successful in making that statement come true. With Jongho screaming different directions at him, increasingly getting more frustrated with Yunho’s inability to follow these, Yechan from the back attempting to give directions without really knowing where all of you were, you were more so focused on what was outside of the car. Over the course of your journey to the countryside, the landscape had gradually changed; from the tall buildings of the busy city, you got closer and closer to the national park, where you would be staying nearby.                “This must be it!” Daemi said excitedly. She had been quiet while the others had been arguing, but when you looked out of the front window, you noticed she was right. The building, a large two-storey farmhouse, concealing an even bigger backyard, with a vineyard next to it, matched the AirBnB advertisement perfectly.                “Oh, that’s Seonghwa’s car,” Yunho said, unable to keep the relief out of his voice. He steered the car onto the driveway and parked it right next to Seonghwa’s.                When you got out of the car, you were instantly greeted by a voice from higher up: “Hey, look up!” You shielded your eyes from the sun as you looked up to find a half-naked Wooyoung hanging out of an open window. “You’re the last ones to arrive.”                “It’s because Yunho can’t drive,” Jongho said, at the same time Daemi said: “It’s because Jongho doesn’t know how to read a map.”                “Well, you’d better come up and get yourselves a room,” Wooyoung said. “The others have already started drinking and none of the groceries have been done yet.”                To that, everyone nearly fell over each other to collect their bags from the trunk of the car. The house had enough rooms to accommodate 16 people, but because of some being less comfortable sleeping in rooms with certain others, everyone had more or less divided up the rooms beforehand, and mattresses were dragged around to make sure everyone had a bed to sleep in at night. Or during the day, considering the objective of this trip was not to have a wholesome trip to escape from your usual busy lives in the city. Of course it was that too, but there was also the idea that you would just get away to party and get drunk, the way you couldn’t so easily in the city, where there was always some authority to monitor you.                 You shared a room with Daemi and Yechan, your best girl friends. To accommodate Yechan, you got an extra mattress from the room opposite yours, which was one with an in-room shower. “…so that’s our bathroom,” Yechan concluded as she flopped down onto her unmade mattress and closed her eyes. “I’m going to take a nap.”                “A nap? We have to make our beds first. And the groceries still need to be done,” Daemi said.                “Why didn’t anybody else go while we were gone?” you sighed.                “Well, if Wooyoung’s right and they already started drinking…” Daemi shrugged. “Maybe we should do the groceries. Before everyone gets too drunk.”                When you got downstairs, you saw that Daemi had been right; a lot of people were already quite drunk. Seonghwa was one of them, pressing his car keys into your hands, despite you not having a drivers’ license. “Take them,” he said. “Take them. Take more beer with you too. The good ones.”                “Hwa, I don’t drink beer-“ you started, but Seonghwa kept rambling about the beer you needed to get.                “I’ll come with you,” San said, jumping up from his seat next to Alice and pushing Seonghwa into it. “I know which brand of beer he likes.” He smiled at you and you smiled back thankfully. You were glad to find that it wasn’t just going to be you and San doing the groceries – as he had been drinking and you didn’t have your license, there was no one who could even legally drive the car off the property if you had wanted to. You were glad to find it wasn’t just going to be the two of you. That would’ve probably made for some awkward moments between you. You had been alone with just San before, and it had been normal, until it wasn’t anymore. Something snuck into your relationship that could only be described as attraction. Perhaps it was just plain physical attraction, as your heart always beat slightly quicker when you saw him, or perhaps it ran deeper, but what you did know was that your friendship was good and you didn’t want to ruin it with a crush.                The dynamic in the friend group had always been amazing. The traditional idea about boys and girls not being able to be friends without romantic feelings involved, was completely destroyed by you guys’ friendships. Only Seonghwa and Sooyoung were officially dating, following a set-up Hongjoong had cooked up by himself. Sooyoung had never been part of the friend group before, and the same went for Soojin, her best friend. The friend group dynamics had actually improved upon Sooyoung and Soojin’s introductions to the group nearly two years ago.                It was for that reason you didn’t feel uncomfortable while in the car with only boys: Yunho drove again, Jongho navigating once more. You were squished in between Hongjoong and San in the backseat of Yunho’s car, which was roomier than Seonghwa’s, with the latter’s car keys pressing into your leg through your jeans. While Jongho and Yunho already started arguing about which way to go and which supermarket to choose, you turned to Hongjoong as he talked about the plans for the next couple of days: “…sauna, so maybe we can hop in there tonight. And tomorrow Anna and I want to do a barbecue by the lakeside. It’s not that far a drive but if we want to take beer there, we can walk too.”                “Of course we’ll want to take beer,” San said. “Maybe even wine and stuff. Hey, Y/N, we have your favourite drink too. It’s cheaper in cities than in the countryside, we figured out.”                “My favourite drink?” you turned to him.                “That soju-yogurt cocktail you like so much. Wooyoung and Yeosang made it for you.”                You felt your heart swell at San remembering you liking soju-yogurt cocktails. It had been a while since you told him about loving it the first time you tried it and it becoming your signature drink when going out. You weren’t big on alcohol the way other people could be, but sometimes you found yourself casually wanting to make your own soju-yogurt cocktail at home. “I hope there’s still left when we get back.”                Once at the grocery store – which was tucked away behind a scary-looking church that, according to Yunho’s limited amount of information about the surrounding area, once belonged to a cult – Hongjoong was in charge of listing off the grocery list and checking the boxes corresponding with what the others put into the cart. You were staying close to San’s side, as you always did when he was around. Yes, you found him physically attractive, which made you want to look at him all the time, but there was also something absolutely magnetic about his personality that made you want to be talking to him always. And it seemed like San was really into your conversation as you wandered off from Hongjoong and Jongho to find a certain brand of pasta sauce. Despite the simplicity of the topics you were talking about, which ranged from Yunho not being able to drive and Yechan karate chopping you in the head when she saw a mosquito flying past that she wanted to kill, you felt a little nervous around San. Once you had told Daemi about it, hoping she would come with valuable advice, but instead she had laughed at you and just declared you were crushing on San, hard. And perhaps she was right.                When you got back to the farmhouse, needless to say, the soju-yogurt cocktail was gone. Feeling robbed of the one thing you were looking forward to about returning, you opted to drink water instead. You’d start drinking alcohol after dinner, you told yourself, so you wouldn’t get sick. Finally, when it was clear there were little to no sober people you could strike up conversation with, you excused yourself to go upstairs and shower.                The summer heat made everything hot and sticky, including your body. You grabbed a towel and some clean clothes as well as your toiletry bag before going to the single room with the shower. The room was small and simple, with a window overlooking the backyard and the mountains in the distance. You cracked the window open, quickly glancing down to see the back patio, only accessible through the kitchen. As you put on the shower, you enjoyed the smell of freshly cut grass and summer drafting in through the window, as well as the sound of the water cascading on your body mixing with the sounds of a chirping bird outside and the sounds of cows in the distance. Until your attention was caught by a sudden yelp: “Wooyoung!”                Your eyes shot wide open when you recognized that voice. Rose. Along with Alice and Anna, they were in your friend group because Daemi liked them a lot. Your personality didn’t match well with Rose and although you didn’t hate each other or anything, you weren’t very fond of Rose and you were sure the sentiment was shared by her. As far as you knew, Wooyoung, however, thought she was amazing.                “Don’t tell me you don’t like it,” Wooyoung’s voice sounded, loud, as if he was right there in the room with you. It immediately gave you goose bumps.                “Hm, I like it,” Rose’s voice came again. You could just about imagine her shaking her blonde hair out of her face, over her shoulder… You had always thought she looked closest to an angel as was humanly possible. Perhaps your dislike of her had something to do with how you were jealous of her always getting the guys she wanted, how she managed to get every single boy to ever lay eyes on her to fall in love with her and how she could effortlessly keep and make friends… “You like this?”                “Hm, Rose…” That was a groan. A groan from Wooyoung. You had never heard something so utterly sexual. You shivered. Saying you were feeling increasingly uncomfortable was nearly an understatement. They continued to make sounds that made you want to throw up in your mouth. Had they been drinking this much already? Or were they just that into each other that it didn’t bother them it was broad daylight outside? Did they not hear your shower running too? Or were they not aware how perfectly audible they were? You felt like you weren’t supposed to be naked while you could hear them so clearly; it felt weird.                You quickly turned off the shower and wrapped your towel around yourself. Even though you had taken your clothes and toiletry bag into the single room, you didn’t want to hear a single sound anymore, so you made your way back to your room where you took your time getting ready, trying to shake off the nasty feeling Wooyoung and Rose’s acts had left behind.                While putting on clothes and jewellery and smearing light makeup on your face, you felt the urge to dress the best you could, despite the fact you were just going to be cooking and eating and drinking with your group of best friends. There was something inside of you screaming that you wanted to prove to everyone that you, too, were worthy of getting fingered and giving handjobs on the patio as well – there was no other explanation for what they had been doing and no need to lie to yourself about it. More importantly, you felt the need to prove to specifically Wooyoung you could handle whatever he would give you on that patio. More so than Rose. But that was ridiculous. You wouldn’t really want Wooyoung to touch you like that.                As you finished the perfect winged eyeliner, you decided that was enough makeup. You made your way downstairs, collecting Anna, Daemi and Hongjoong for dinner. “Let’s get going,” you said.                “Seems like you already got going,” Daemi chuckled, following you closely into the kitchen. “Who is that outfit for?”                “For you, of course.” You sent her a wink.                “San is one lucky boy,” Daemi said quietly, so no one else could hear, before getting to work on cutting up onions. If only she knew, you thought to yourself, taking it upon yourself to cut up the potatoes.                It took a surprisingly long time to cook for 16 people, despite the extra hands pitching in to slice up vegetables and do the washing up. You realized how much you’d been underappreciating the restaurant people who churn out dishes at an insane speed, compared to how you’re cooking a relatively simple dish with little ingredients while needing all the help you can get.                “Ah,” you hear a voice, “can I taste?” Before getting confirmation, the spoon is already in the pasta sauce and before you can scold him, the spoon is already in his mouth. “Hm, needs a little more spice, I think.”                “Yeah? Well, you think wrong.”                “What? You haven’t even tasted yet,” Wooyoung said, putting the spoon back on the counter. There’s a smirk on his face that your hands are itching to wipe off with a slap, and a blush on his cheeks that you know is not the effect of the hot weather.                “The recipe doesn’t call for extra spices, thank you very much.”                “What’s got you all upset?”                “I’m not upset,” you bite back, proving the opposite.                “Ah, it must be the period,” Wooyoung said, with an air of superiority.                “Fuck you, Wooyoung.” You threw your own wooden spoon down into the pasta mixture, splattering both yourself and Wooyoung with the red sauce, before storming out onto the patio – only to find Rose standing, a gleeful smile on her face and a cigarette between her lips.                She looked up instantly. “You look a little upset.” Her smile faded away as she stuck out her hand to you. “Need a drag?”                You didn’t even bother responding, instead dealing with the embarrassment of having to go back through the kitchen to escape. When dinner is served, you can’t even muster up the faintest of smiles or feign happiness. At least what got you so upset wasn’t your period. And quite frankly, you were even angrier that Wooyoung thought it was okay to make such a joke, whilst normally being so attuned to girls’ feelings, especially yours.                You hated the pasta, but you ate it anyway. You glanced over to where Wooyoung was seated, chatting excitedly to Seonghwa and Mingi, the left-overs of the splattered sauce staining his white shirt. You didn’t even feel remotely guilty.                You were glad when dinner was finished, so you could commit yourself to working on another batch of soju-yogurt cocktail, this time without Wooyoung, since he was too busy in the sauna. Probably flirting with Rose, you thought to yourself as you grumpily got to work on the ingredients. San and Yeosang were right there with you; Yeosang because he knew how to make it and San because he evidently wanted to cheer you up. He kept saying cheesy jokes and poking your cheeks and then his own ‘to see if he could give you his dimples’. Every time you gave him an annoyed look, his smile made your heart flutter and your mouth shut.                As the night progressed, you were aware you were drinking a bit too much of the mixture. Maybe a bit too much of any liquor, really, because by the time the clock struck 11 o’clock, you were already very close to quitting alcohol for the night, while Soojin was only on her second drink of the evening.                “I’m going to get some air,” you said to no one in particular, before getting up and stepping outside, sliding the door closed behind you. Away from the stifling heat inside, the cool mountain air managed to cool you down enough to not sway on your feet as you threw your head back to look at the night sky. It was dotted with stars, only visible because you were so far away from cities and their light pollution. You were in the middle of deep contemplations about the universe, when you heard a noise. Oh no, not again, you thought to yourself, your head snapping down to look over the balustrade, down at the swimming pool.                On the edge of it you could see two figures, barely visible in the darkness. But from what little light the porchlight shone on them, you could make out that it’s San – it’s unmistakably him. But who is with him? It takes a little more squinting and a moan before you make yourself rip away from the sight, stomping back into the house. You don’t even tell anyone that you’re heading up to bed.                Only when you’re finally underneath the covers, you allow yourself to think about what you saw. Your long-time crush, Choi San, shoving his tongue down the throat of Kim Alice, someone you had always figured was rather harmless a person to have around. She didn’t speak much in big groups – kind of like you – but when she did, she was funny. She was a joy to be around, seemed to have a life devoid of problems, she was conventionally attractive… With a sigh you turned on your side, closing your eyes, willing yourself to fall asleep. But all you saw with eyes closed was San and Alice, kissing as if their lives depended on it.

Day 2 After you and Anna had put away the dirty plates and cutlery into the dishwasher and turned it on, everyone was about ready to leave for the lake. The morning had been off to a slow start but with the sun beaming down on everyone, scorching hot, they were all suddenly up and running. Their sudden energy was not the reason you left the cars at the house and instead walked through the significantly cooler forest to get to the lake. After all, according to Hongjoong, it’s not a far walk. The reason was solely to be able to drink.                Jongho and Yeosang carried the cool box filled to the brim with drinks and meat, which was undoubtedly the heaviest thing to carry, while Daemi and Alice offered to carry the blankets to sit on. Everyone else was assigned their own towels and clothes to carry. You stayed at the back of the group with Mingi, who was positively hungover from the night before and had to stop every few minutes or so to clutch at his stomach and complain about how nauseous he felt. Needless to say, the two of you arrived only when Seonghwa had already started to set up ‘camp’, as he called it, and the others were already half-undressed and in the water.                Soojin was in the midst of stripping off her sundress, convincing Alice to do the same. Both were trying to get Yunho to abandon his duties of helping Seonghwa lay down the blankets, for him to come swimming with them. Jongho and Yeosang, who had been in the front with Hongjoong, setting the pace and navigating, had already put the cool box down, Jongho in the process of taking off his pants.                “Y/N,” Sooyoung appeared in front of you suddenly. “Do you want to come with us to the village? It’s just a ten minute walk, Hongjoong said, and it’s apparently really pretty. Maybe you can take some photos.” She gestured toward your film camera, a gift from Wooyoung for your last birthday. You had taken it with you to the lake, thinking you could get a lot of use out of it to capture the memories of the trip.                “Sure, seems like fun,” you said. “Who’s coming?” You felt torn as Sooyoung told you it was just going to be you, Seonghwa, Hongjoong and Yeosang. On the one hand you were glad that San and Wooyoung were staying behind, as you weren’t sure you could handle having to deal with them for too long. On the other hand, you were a little torn on leaving them behind with Alice and Rose. You had to remind yourself they were nothing to you but your friends as you shrugged your heavy backpack off and gave Mingi a pat on the head before he threw himself down on the blankets. Even though he was groaning and being apologetic, no one believed he found it really terrible he could not come with.                Hongjoong and Seonghwa were completely attached to Sooyoung, which caused you to stay with Yeosang. He was typically a very observant but quiet person; he noticed a lot but never said a thing about it. Imagine your surprise when he asked: “So, you were not having a great time last night?”                “Was it that obvious?” you groaned.                “Wooyoung told me you cursed at him. You know, he was joking about the period thing.”                “I know. Doesn’t make it okay.”                Yeosang turned semi-serious. “He hates it when you two fight.”                “Has he told you that as well?” You were starting to lose your temper, which you did not want. After all, Yeosang had nothing to say about what Wooyoung was feeling, saying or doing.                “No,” Yeosang said. “I just know. You’re his best friend, even though it might not seem like it sometimes. What were you mad about anyway?”                You gnawed at your lip. The fact was, you weren’t entirely sure what you were particularly mad about. That he was fingering Rose on the patio while everyone could notice? That he was fingering Rose on the patio of all places? That he was fingering Rose to begin with? That it was Rose, of all people? And what reason did you have anyway to care about what Wooyoung was doing romantically or sexually? You were only friends.                But if there was someone you could talk to this about, it would surely be Yeosang, right? Apart from you, he had known Wooyoung the longest. Before it was you and Yechan and Daemi, it had been you and Wooyoung and Yeosang. And even before that, it had been Wooyoung and Yeosang. That was before San had come in and essentially stolen Wooyoung away. It was before a lot of things.                You sighed. “Well, when I was showering last night? Before dinner?” You mentally cringed at what you were about to say: “I heard some noises outside. I’m pretty sure – No, I’m 100 percent confident that it was Wooyoung and Rose going at it. If you know what I mean.”                “I can guess,” Yeosang said. “And that bothered you, why?”                “I never said it bothered me,” you said. Too defensive. “I don’t like Rose,” you admitted, knowing damn well it was not just that. From the look on Yeosang’s face, you could see he was thinking the same thing. And there was something else too... You were grateful and relieved when he left it at that, though. Instead, Hongjoong pointed you to a small café.                Although it might be small, it was not characterless. There were few people inside that afternoon, leaving a lot of different cakes and pies for you and your friends to try out. As you waited for your order, you glanced around the café. It was covered in pink flowers, even the walls were painted pink. You saw what Hongjoong liked about it – it had a certain charm. One that apparently made Sooyoung feel like she had to excessively comment on everything in a squealy voice. You liked her, but her excitement was giving you headaches. Honestly, you were still feeling kind of miserable and sorry for yourself.                Yeosang cheered you up by sharing the remainder of his chocolate-cherry cake with you when you had finished your own, knowing the best remedy for what you were feeling was food. While on your way back to the lakeside, Yeosang kept to your side, purposefully bringing up things you had done together where Wooyoung hadn’t been involved. The happy memories you had shared with Yeosang were plenty enough to make you smile again and by the time you arrived back to camp, you were genuinely in a good mood.                “Y/N!” Yechan exclaimed as she saw you. “Come jump in! The water’s so good.”                “Gotta set up the barbecue,” you said. “Sorry!” All of that was a lie. After all, you didn’t really have to set up the barbecue and there was Hongjoong already getting started on it. In all honesty, you just didn’t feel like joining the happy couples in the water. As soon as Seonghwa and Sooyoung had raced each other to the campsite, they had discarded their clothes and jumped in the water, engaging in a splash war against Jongho and Soojin. Alice was seated on San’s shoulders, battling Rose, who was on Wooyoung’s shoulders. You didn’t want anything to do with them.                Instead you chose a soft spot on the blankets next to Mingi, who was sound asleep, Rose’s straw sunhat shading his eyes from the sun, relentlessly beating down. Yunho and Daemi were on his other side, playing a game of cards that Yeosang immediately joined, claiming it as his favourite game, although he then proceeded to ask what the rules were.                You watched Hongjoong struggle with the barbecue for a while until you decided it was time to help him out of his misery. As he noticed you helping him, his face immediately brightened up. “What did you think? Of the café?”                “It was great, Joongie,” you said, giving him your brightest smile. You actually meant it. “Thanks for taking us.”                “Oh, don’t worry about it,” he said. “I just wanted you to have some fun.”                With a sigh you leaned back to sit. “Is everyone just a mind reader now?”                “No, I just overheard your conversation with Yeo on the way to town. Sorry about that. If you allow me to give you some advice – I think you should just be having fun and not letting something like that bother you. And anyway, I always thought you had a crush on San, not Wooyoung.”                You looked at him, shocked. “What?”                “You heard what I said. Hand me the coals, please.”                You did as he said. “What do you mean I have a crush on San?”                Joong shrugged. “It’s pretty clear from the way you behave around him that you do. Or maybe did?” He winked at you playfully. “I mean, why else would you be angry at Wooyoung for finally approaching Rose? You know he’s been talking about her for years now.”                You didn’t know. Perhaps your friendship with Wooyoung was not as unconditional and carefree and honest as you always thought it had been. “Joongie, you’re not making me feel any better right now,” you said, your mind wandering off to his previous comment about you crushing on San. It was true that you liked him, there was nearly no denying it. But if Hongjoong knew, then did the others as well?                “I don’t know, Y/N. I think you should just let loose and have some fun.”                When the fire beneath the barbecue was finally going and Daemi took your place at it to grill chicken satay, you took her place at the card game. When the first batch of food was served, you woke Mingi to call for the others, still in the water. They were quick to join at the mention of food.                Everyone gathered in a circle, smiling and laughing, but all you could do was stab at your food as you looked around the group, wondering who out of all of them knew of your crush on San, who, by the way, looked absolutely stunning with the water droplets on his naked chest glimmering in the afternoon sunlight, like little diamonds. You hated it.                “Say ‘ah’.” You turned to look at Wooyoung, an apologetic smile on his face.                “Ah?”                “No, like this.” He widened his mouth and stuck out his tongue a little, dragging out the ‘ah’ longer. You rolled your eyes but followed his example, which was followed by Wooyoung putting a piece of meat on your tongue. You chewed on it, watching him as he sat down next to you. “Here. Have some more.”                “My favourite,” you said, grabbing the plate from him. “Is this your version of a white flag?”                “Yes,” Wooyoung said. “I’m sorry about the joke I made. Yeosang might have mentioned you really didn’t like it and I guess it’s a pretty assholey thing to say anyway. I don’t want to fight with you.”                “I guess I have to apologize as well,” you said. “I’m not in the best mood and I’m taking it out on you. Among others.” You glanced over at San before focusing back on Woo. “I don’t want to fight with you either.”                “Good.” Wooyoung stuck out his pinkie finger to you, as if you were kindergartners still. “Promise me that we won’t fight during this trip again.”                “Just this trip?” you joked, curling your own pinkie around his. You’re just about to say something else, when a girl plops down on Wooyoung’s other side. You would recognize that blonde hair anywhere.                “Got you pork belly, like you asked.” Rose handed a new plate to Wooyoung. “Hi, Y/N. Why didn’t you go swimming?”                “I might swim after dinner,” you said, surprised she even talked to you. You were not so surprised to find out this was the only thing she was going to say to you, instead looking at Wooyoung, totally transfixed by him. You sighed, going back to stabbing at your food. At least there was no fighting with your best friend now.                You’re glad when the drinking begins and you have an excuse to chug down liquor. You even go swimming for a bit, hanging around Yechan and Yeosang the most. It’s not long after evening falls that Soojin calls out for everyone to return to the farmhouse. You’re clinging onto your beer bottle on the way back, walking next to Yeosang, your arm linked through his. After all, he managed to majorly cheer you up and perhaps he could perform that same magic trick again.                Back at the farmhouse, Mingi perked up enough from his massive hangover to call everyone to him for a beer pong match. With a little help of Anna, he set up teams of two to compete against each other. “Y/N and Yeosang, you begin! Against Yechan and Daemi.”                As you took your place next to Yeosang, you realized it was obvious either Mingi or Anna had picked up on the tension in the house. You kind of wanted to convince Yeosang to cheat and purposefully lose the game, but when you saw his fanatism at landing the first ball in Daemi’s cup, you didn’t have the heart to tell him you didn’t want to play. He was just so smiley and happy… You convinced yourself that a) you wanted to win this game just as badly as he did and b) that you’re not absolutely shit at beer pong.                The first opponents were luckily nearly as bad as you are at the game. Although the ball takes awfully long to land in the last cup, you and Yeosang still manage to defeat Yechan and Daemi. While the two of you are not up against anyone yet, you vow to yourself to get even more tipsy. It won’t help with aim but you were sure it would help your mood. It’s a fine line between tipsy and drunk and you were walking it with little care in the world.                Your next opponents were Hongjoong and Jongho, who already proclaimed themselves Kings of Beer Pong. Only to be beat by you and Yeosang; turns out Hongjoong just had extreme luck playing against Seonghwa and Sooyoung, for his aim is honestly worse than yours, and Jongho can’t keep up against Yeosang, who deserves to officially be crowned King of Beer Pong.                Yeosang’s so surprisingly good at the game that you’re not surprised when you win the finale round against Wooyoung and San. Overcome with emotions that you can’t properly explain and do not want to face and will probably never address ever again, you reached for Yeosang’s face, cupping it in your hands and pressing your lips against his. You felt a shock of surprise run through his body, but his hands effortlessly found your hips to steady you and kiss back.                Despite the absence of butterflies or fireworks or any of the sorts, you become aware of how unaware you are of the sounds around you two. The only sound that’s coming through is Yeosang’s small moans and the sounds kisses tend to make. It doesn’t help that you’re both using an obscene amount of tongue, but you might be drunk and you don’t care – especially not that anyone or everyone is watching and cheering.                When you pull away, you smile at Yeosang, who looks a little stunned but not unhappy about your actions. “Congratulations, King of Beer Pong,” you tell him.                “Thanks, Queen.” He even has the liberty of squeezing your ass, earning him a yelp that broadens his smile. Take that, Woosan, you think to yourself. “Let’s get you another drink.” With his arm still around you, Yeosang guides you to the kitchen, away from prying eyes, both unaware that Mingi was ready to crown you both winners and offer you a prize. You couldn’t care less about what the prize was.                The kitchen is completely empty except for a collection of trash and dirty plates and glasses. After clearing a space on the countertop, Yeosang picked you up with a surprising amount of strength and sat you down on it, then going to fix you a glass of water. “There you go.”                “Water?” you complain. “Yeo-“                “No, you need to sober up a little,” he spoke in a tone of amusement. “I think you’re an amazing kisser and I really enjoyed that, but I also know that kiss wasn’t meant for me.”                “Oh, are you going to tell me who the kiss was meant for then? Because, last I checked, my lips were on yours and not on anyone else’s. I think that was meant for you, Yeosang.”                “Maybe,” he said, “but then with the intent of hurting someone else. Or whatever you thought you were doing back there. You’re not attracted to me.”                “Says who?” you pull Yeosang closer to you by his shirt collar, capturing him between your legs. He looks profoundly comfortable in between them, but you know what he means when he says: “I do. You do, with your body language.”                You rolled your eyes at him, setting the glass of water down next to you. “I’m not going to endure another talk about how in love I am with San and how everyone can tell.”                “I wasn’t going to say you’re in love with San.”                “Okay, Wooyoung then. Only because I was jealous he fingered Rose on the patio. The patio! That one over there!” You pointed at it for emphasis. “All of those feelings are not yours to comment on, Yeosang. Hongjoong.” You narrowed your eyes at him as he entered the kitchen rather innocently.                “Wh-“ Hongjoong locked eyes with Yeosang and immediately his eyes widened. “I’m out of here right now. Sorry.”                “Drink your water,” Yeosang said, giving you a little pat on the knee before following Hongjoong out of the kitchen. You sighed in frustration, grabbing the glass and bringing it to your lips. It actually tasted pretty nice to be drinking something as pure as water after all of the alcohol you had been consuming. Perhaps Yeosang was right and the kiss hadn’t been meant for him at all, not even a little bit. Perhaps you were just trying to make him jealous. And you weren’t quite sure which him you meant with that.                Perhaps the him that came walking into the kitchen right at that moment, empty bottle of beer in hand. “Oh, have you come to lecture me too?” you said before he could even open his mouth – just one look was enough. “I’m sick of it.”                “Well,” San said, “now that you mention it. Why did you kiss Yeosang?”                “Why wouldn’t I? You have been all over Alice too, haven’t you?”                “You really don’t understand, do you?”                “Understand what?” There was a viciousness to your voice that made San shake his head. “I’m not going to argue with you while you’re still drunk.”                “Yeah? Well-“ But you didn’t get a chance to say anything hurtful to him as he had already left the kitchen. With a sigh you chugged down the water, slid off the countertop and walked to your room. You could faintly hear all the noises in the living room, the partiers, but you were glad you weren’t there with them. This was not the fun trip you had planned for it to be.

Day 3 Even though Anna had planned something to do the day after, everyone was so hungover that no one really felt like going anywhere. You woke up first, quietly stepping over a snoring Yechan and trying not to wake a sleep-talking Daemi as you went to the single room across the floor to have a shower. This time without opening the window, even though you knew it was highly unlikely you would hear Wooyoung and Rose again. You went downstairs, made yourself breakfast, and by the time you had finished, the first people started coming down. The first was Jongho, followed by Soojin and Anna. Soon thereafter, Yunho and Daemi appeared as well, looking different states of dishevelled. There was still dried up spit in the corner of Yunho’s mouth. “Who’s up for a walk?” he excitedly said.                No one felt like going, but you jumped up at the opportunity to be away from the farmhouse for a bit. Accompanying Yunho on his walk was quite peaceful. You never had a really close relationship with him as you did Wooyoung or Yeosang, but you were happy to be around him. It certainly helped that your surroundings were breath-taking, with views you could barely get enough of. It was so vastly different from what you were used to living in the city, that being at the farmhouse felt all the more special. You were reminded that this was partially why you had agreed to come on this trip; to see the beauty of the nature park. Not to get wound up in drama you yourself created by being… Well, was there a word for the way you were feeling? The way you were acting?                It gave you some peace of mind walking with Yunho and realizing that he wasn’t going to break out in a lecture about not kissing Yeosang if you don’t like him, your everlasting crush on San, or whatever was going on with your friendship with Wooyoung. You had no desire to talk about any of that, but as you walked alongside Yunho, basking in the warm morning sunlight, it was the only thing you were thinking about.                By the time you guys circled back to the farmhouse, the others were up already. Most were still yawning and staring at their untouched plates of eggs and bacon with sleep in their eyes, but Yeosang perked up as you came in. He nodded with his head to get you outside on the patio from which you had seen San and Alice kissing the first night.                “I think I know what this is about,” you started. “Yeo, I was very drunk. It didn’t mean anything between us, at least not to me. I hope you understand.”                “I-“ Yeosang started, but he was interrupted by someone you really didn’t want to see at this particular moment.                “If you don’t like him, then why would you kiss him?” Wooyoung said, his arms crossing over one another in front of his chest. He stood leaning against the closed sliding door, obviously not understanding that this was a private conversation. Obviously not understanding that this was the last straw.                “Okay, I’m done with this,” you said. “Normally I feel like I can be honest with you both but for the past few days-“ You sighed, not fully comfortable with sharing every thought you had, the things that had drove you to go bed so early in the night to mull over by yourself. “You know, I did it because I had something to prove. And besides, why is everyone so upset over this? San is always face sucking Alice whenever he can and you!” You had subconsciously moved closer to Wooyoung, now pricking his chest with your finger. “You did whatever with Rose out there and you didn’t even know that everything you did, I could perfectly hear. You’re both having so much fun with the girls here, but are so quick to scold me for wanting to do the same with Yeosang?”                “That’s really not the same thing,” Wooyoung started.                “Oh, and what makes it different?”                “You’ve known Yeosang for years!”                “You’ve known Rose for years. San has known Alice for years.”                “It’s all not the same thing.”                “Do I get a say in this?” Yeosang said, finally intercepting. Perhaps he had got quite uncomfortable with seeing Wooyoung and you so close to each other, staring each other down.                You both broke away from each others’ gaze at the same time and spoke simultaneously: “No!”                There was a silence and finally a sigh from Wooyoung. “Come find me when you think you can talk like a grown-up, yeah?” He didn’t even really sound mad, perhaps somewhere between defeated and disappointed. He tugged open the door and slammed it shut behind him. You waited for a second, not daring to look at Yeosang, before you followed Wooyoung inside. Instead of heading up the stairs behind him, you went into the kitchen and out onto the patio.                There was no one out. You hoped for Yeosang that he was inside, since clouds had gathered above and there was a light drizzle coming down now. You let it cool your temper as well as your skin, thinking of the trip. You had looked forward to it for so long but it really wasn’t going as you had planned. Yes, you had joked with Daemi and Yechan that some crazy things would happen, claiming that Mingi would be the first one to throw up because of all of the alcohol (you were right about that) and that someone would accidentally throw someone in the pool while they still had their phones on them (hadn’t happened yet, but the trip wasn’t over). Daemi had bet that she would get into an argument with Yechan, Yechan had bet that she would catch Seonghwa and Sooyoung in a compromising position.                The bet made about yourself had been that you would drunkenly act upon your crush on San. You had known when placing the bets with your friends that there was a very slim chance you would ever dare to approach San in that way and as you stood outside, overlooking the mountain area, you realised you didn’t want San anymore. Not the way you had always wanted him, at least.                You used to think San was relationship material, the only guy you wanted to fulfil the need of having a boyfriend. But he wasn’t. He was perhaps too flirty, perhaps too much a person you could only look at from a distance and admire. He wasn’t boyfriend material. Just a friend.                So what about Yeosang? Was that you drunkenly acting upon your hidden crush for him? Was that kiss because you liked him? Was he even boyfriend material to you? No. The answer was simple and clear, you didn’t even have to think about it. Yeosang was just one of your closest friends. He was sweet, really, and you would be lying if you said you had never thought about how it would have been if you were to date him. You were sure he harboured fond feelings for you as well, but those were probably along the same line as what you felt for him. Nothing romantic. After all, it was Yeosang, and you two had known each other for forever. You’d seen each others’ good and bad sides and you thought you knew what he would be like in a relationship. You’d seen his failed relationships play out in the past. You thought you had that figured out.                So then that kiss… Who were you trying to prove something to? What were you even trying to prove? It was true what you had said, however. You were trying to prove to yourself that... Your mind flicked to the first night, when you had heard Wooyoung and Rose’s escapades. You were bothered about it, in a different way than what you had felt when you caught San and Alice.                You replayed the fight you just had with Wooyoung in your head. What did he care what you were up to? You sat down on the small bench. It was wet now, washed clean by the rain; there was no way you otherwise would have sat down on it, considering what had happened a few days before. You rested your head against the wall of the farmhouse. Closing your eyes, you saw the look in Wooyoung’s eyes. You felt how close you had been standing to him.                A knock on the patio door startled you. When you opened your eyes you saw Yeosang, eyes big and with two mugs on a tray. “Hey, Y/N… Can we talk? I brought hot chocolate.”                “Sure,” you said, patting the spot next to you. Yeosang came outside, handing you the tray as he closed the door behind him. “What did you want to talk about?”                “Well… I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. About anything.” This was clearly something that had been bothering him for a while, longer than everything that has gone on in the farmhouse. “Yesterday when you kissed me… I know why you did it and I know why you’ve been so upset these past couple of days. But I just wanted to clear things up so there’s no misunderstandings between us. And besides, I feel like I have lied to you all these years I’ve known you.” He took a deep breath, his hands wrapping around the mug. You saw he was shaking and his nails were bitten down. Maybe you hadn’t paid enough attention to his feelings, instead only rambling on about yours. “I guess I got a little upset this morning too. I hate seeing you and Wooyoung fight, for many reasons. But also because… because I am in love with Wooyoung.”                “W-what?”                “I like Wooyoung. Y/N… I’m gay.”                “But, Yeo…” You bit your lip, wrapping your own hands around the mug. From everything he could’ve said, this was the least of what you had expected. “Wooyoung is… straight.”                “I know, I know!” Yeosang quickly said. “I’ve always known I don’t have a chance with him. Not romantically. I’m fine being his friend, just his friend. You have to believe me.” He was still shaking however. “I also know that no matter what, I want to see him happy. And knowing what I know, you would realize that the Wooyoung he is around Rose? That’s not him being truly happy.”                You frowned. “What are you trying to say?”                “I mean that he’s more into you than he’s into Rose.”                “What?” You shook your head. “Yeo, that’s not right. Wooyoung doesn’t like me like that. I mean, it’s pretty clear-“                “Why do you think that everyone is so upset with you kissing me?” Yeosang chuckled. “They might’ve thought you were into San, or now that you’re into me. But they know for sure that Wooyoung is into you. He’s told San and I that much before. And I think you like him back.”                “How does everyone know that better than I do myself?”                He shrugged. “I can’t speak for everyone, but… All these years of being in love with Wooyoung means I look at him more or less the same way he looks at you. And when you look at him? I see the same thing. You two are just oblivious to each other.”                You finally took a sip of the hot chocolate, your thoughts aligning in your head to form a question: “So what does this thing with Rose mean? Why did he… finger her?” You realized how pathetic it sounded to ask.                “I don’t know. That’s something you have to ask him yourself.”                You nodded and then you turned to Yeosang again. “Yeo, thanks for telling me. I appreciate knowing that you trust me enough to.” You put your arm around him, pulling him into a side-hug like you used to do when you two were younger. “Who else knows?”                “Only Hongjoong does.”                “Of course,” you said. Joong had come out of the closet as bisexual about two years ago. It made sense Yeosang would want to go to him, knowing Hongjoong wouldn’t judge him. “Nothing changes, Yeo.”                You hope Yeosang feels relieved, finally having that burden off his shoulders. You talk a little about how long he’s known and eventually Yeosang asks to leave the subject alone for now and go swimming instead. You are not one to deny him, so you head upstairs to get changed and meet him at the swimming pool. It’s empty except for Yechan and Seonghwa. Sooyoung and Soojin are on sunbeds on the side, but it’s clear the girls were fast asleep. The drizzle of before has stopped but the clouds have remained, however the temperature is climbing upwards as you’re in the pool.                When you and Yeosang join, it breaks up the conversation between Yechan and Seonghwa, the latter of them suggesting to play a game instead. You team up with Seonghwa to even out the playing field and through multiple rounds of a handball-resembling game, you realise that it was futile because you and Seonghwa were bound to lose the second you agreed to teaming up together.                The sun started going down while you were still hanging by the pool, wrinkled out like a raisin but enjoying the contrast between the cool water of the pool and the stifling heat of the overcast summer weather. You and Yeosang didn’t get out of the pool until Anna came to collect everyone for dinnertime. You’re happy sitting in between Yeosang and Mingi – who had remained in his room for the better part of the day, insanely hungover again and having emptied his stomach multiple times – as they talk over your head about this TV show they figured out they both had been watching.                Having not changed out of your bikini for dinner, you are the first to get back into the water afterwards. It’s still warm outside, although it’s pretty much pitch black except for the porchlight. It’s bound to rain and you guess there will probably be thunder and lightning involved. After a moment, you’re joined in the water with Daemi and Yechan, and then Yunho and Mingi, and then San and Alice. As you float around, trying to avoid getting caught in the middle of Daemi-Mingi against Yechan-Yunho, you glance over at San and Alice. They were laughing at whatever joke they told each other, genuine happiness in their eyes, and you knew it didn’t matter that you thought you had a crush on San. He was obviously very happy with Alice. It didn’t matter.                That feeling was amplified when you noticed Wooyoung, just a small distance behind San and Alice, kicking around a ball with Jongho. You were about to look away when you saw him glance over and shoot you a smile. Despite your fight, you smiled back. Maybe this was the right time to make up. You nodded your head in the direction of the trampoline, farther our into the field behind the farmhouse. It was too dark to see out by the trampoline, even with the porchlight, so no one went there at night. It was the perfect spot.                Wooyoung nodded, kicked the ball back to Jongho and said: “I’ll be right back. Go annoy Hongjoong, he looks bored.”                You both laid down on the trampoline in silence, staring up at the sky. Clouds were chasing each other and there was a low rumble in the distance. Thunder. “I’m sorry about how I reacted,” you said, knowing to speed this up. You had known Wooyoung since you two were little and he was still scared of thunder and lightning. By now he had grown up more and also matured – he had told you he still was a little scared, but at least he saw the beauty in the violence of Mother Nature.                “Me too.”                “I just didn’t want to see Yeosang get hurt.”                You were hit suddenly with the realisation that Wooyoung had no idea about Yeosang’s sexuality, or his crush on him. You wouldn’t tell him, because it was up to Yeosang to tell, and that meant that you couldn’t say that it didn’t matter you had kissed Yeosang, because of obvious reasons. Instead you said: “Yeo and I discussed it earlier today. We’re not mad at each other or anything. And I figured this was the best possible time to be honest with you.”                “About what?”                “About…” you sighed lightly. “About that I might… like you?”                “You like me?” Wooyoung sounded no longer like himself, but a little more choked up, his tone of voice very serious. Was he angry at you for sharing this? For fucking up your friendship? You hadn’t even considered the consequences to your friendship, or what any of this would do to your dynamic between you two and Yeosang.                “I guess?”                “You guess or you know?”                “I don’t know. I think I do. Everyone tells me I do.”                “Well, if you don’t know, then I cannot tell you that I like you too.”                Now it was your turn to feel stunned. “What?” You had been told by Yeosang, of course, but that was different. Now you heard it right from the source, from Wooyoung himself.                “I like you too.”                “But I thought you were more into Rose,” you said. “I mean, you two… out on the patio… I thought you were more into her.”                Wooyoung shrugged, making the whole trampoline wiggle. “She’s pretty. I- Okay, I have shared so much with you before but it feels so weird saying it now.” He let out an awkward laugh before he said: “I just felt horny. You know? And Rose was there and she was horny too and she’s not a sight for sore eyes, so I thought: what’s so bad about this? I didn’t know you were showering right above us, or that you had the window open. Otherwise I would’ve probably taken her somewhere else. Or not done it at all.”                “You were just horny?” you repeated. Wooyoung nodded, the trampoline shaking again. “So no feelings for Rose then?”                “Nope,” he said, letting the p pop. “Nothing serious. Not like the way I feel for you.”                You moved over closer to him, shakily reaching out for his hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t realise it sooner. Then we wouldn’t have had to fight.”                “I should’ve told you the second I knew,” he said, taking your hand in his and squeezing it lightly. “So what made you realise? I knew you liked San-“                You blushed, which fortunately, he could not see. “Can we not talk about San right now? I mean, yes, I had a crush on him, but it was silly. I mean, I liked him when we were still in high school, you know? He was the guy every girl had a crush on and I guess I just jumped on the bandwagon. And I always thought it would be easier to hook up with him because we were already friends, but that just makes it more difficult. And I don’t know him as well as I know you. I just don’t feel what I think you’re supposed to feel when you’re in love – with him. I never noticed the way I feel about you, though, until I compared my feelings for you to what I feel for San or Yeosang.”                “Well, you’d best believe it was torture to see you kissing Yeosang, not knowing what you were truly feeling.”                “Would it be better if I kissed you instead?” And with no further words, you bridged the distance between the two of you, softly kissing his lips. Where your kiss with Yeosang had primarily taken place because you were drunk and trying to make whoever else jealous, the way you had been jealous all throughout the trip, this kiss served an entirely different purpose. It was strange too, kissing Wooyoung, whom you had known for so long and never imagined you would harbour romantic feelings for. But there was a spark, a spark that caught and ignited a flame inside of you. A flame that apparently burned inside of Wooyoung as well, for he pulled you infinitely closer, until you were on his lap.                It was very uncomfortable on that trampoline, and you were glad when a dizzyingly bright flash of lightning followed by deafening thunder caused Wooyoung to yelp. “Let’s go inside,” you said, hopping off the trampoline and pulling Wooyoung with you.                As you walked back, your hand in his, he bent down a little to whisper in your ear: “Come to my room tonight, yeah? Take your film camera.”                And so you did. After everyone had gone to bed, you sneaked out of yours to cross the floor to the room Wooyoung shared with San.

Day 4 The room smelled of boy. And not just any boy. You glanced around in the darkness, the first thing that stuck out to you being Shiber. San had brought his cuddle toy to this trip? You wondered for a second what Alice would think of her having to share the bed and San with Shiber, until you realized that she wasn’t there. You shut the door after yourself, blocking out the light from the hallway to prevent San from waking up, instead going over to Wooyoung. You set your film camera down on the night stand and when you turned to look at Woo, he was already sitting up in the bed.                “There you are,” he said. He sounded surprisingly relieved.                “Did you think I wasn’t going to show up?”                Wooyoung didn’t answer but instead pulled you onto the bed, blindly placing his hands on your cheeks and pulling you in for a kiss. Instantly, it clouded your mind with desire for him. Your head spun as he pulled you on top of him. You gasped as he let himself fall backwards onto the bed, allowing him to slip his tongue inside of your mouth. It was almost obscene – how good of a kisser Wooyoung was, how his tongue softly tapped against yours, how his hands slid down from your face to the hem of your pyjama shorts, slipping his hands under the fabric and onto your ass.                You groaned into his mouth as his hands knead your ass, pulling you closer to him. Wooyoung pulled back only a little bit, but you hated the moment, his voice slightly breathless as he said: “Don’t be too loud. San might wake.”                You glanced over to the other bed and yelped to find San already sitting upright, Shiber wrapped in his arms, just staring at you. “What the fuck!” you exclaimed.                “I’m already awake,” San said.                Wooyoung pushed himself up on his elbows. “Have you just been… listening to us? Watching us? The whole time?”                San shrugged. “It was kind of hot. Maybe next time you’ll allow me to join in.”                You looked at Wooyoung for a second, exchanging a glance. There was an unspoken conversation within that glance, a result of many years of friendship in which you had been a unit, had had an unbreakable bond. And now all of that was transforming into whatever this was, and someone was asking to partake in this same adventure with you? You gulped as you realized what you were seeing in Wooyoung’s eyes. “Fuck,” you muttered. And you nodded.                “San, come here,” Wooyoung said, his voice an octave deeper. San was quick to throw Shiber aside and make his way over to you. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him move this fast, although he was as quick to come to a halt at the side of the bed. You felt your breath hitch as Wooyoung grabbed San’s shirt in his hand and pulled him closer, essentially making San topple over on the bed as he lost his balance. “I think Y/N hasn’t had enough love this trip. If you know what I mean.”                You gulped, not entirely knowing what to say. The boy you were currently into and the boy you had always been harbouring a crush on were on the bed together with you and it was pretty clear what was going to happen now. You felt a familiar wetness, synchronic with San nodding to Wooyoung’s statement. “I think we should give her whatever she wants, don’t you agree?” San nodded again. Wooyoung then turned to you: “Tell us what you want us to do.”                For a moment you were about to ask for what you had always lusted after, which was a filthy, intense make out session with San. But right now, looking at him – his shirt crumpled in the place Wooyoung had pulled him in, his hair messy from having been in bed earlier, his plump lips slightly parted and with a small tent visible through his pyjama pants – you knew what you wanted to see. And still it even surprised you a little when you said: “Kiss each other.”                San’s head shot around to look at Wooyoung, physically below the both of you but in some other way he was dominating you both. “Is that okay?”                Wooyoung leaned up only a little bit to put his hand on the back of San’s head and pull him in, their lips locking. Right off the bat there was tongue involved. You were well aware that you were staring, and well aware that there was no one to catch you staring as San increasingly got more comfortable and seemed more into the kiss. “Slowly,” you instructed. “Slowly.” They listened as if they were puppets, entirely under your control.                The kiss was somehow more heated now that they weren’t hungrily clawing at each other. You thought to yourself how this couldn’t be real life. Just a couple of days ago you had been wanting San as badly as ever, then you had thought him to belong to Alice, and now he was here. Let alone the entire situation with Wooyoung – how just a few hours ago you had still been angry with him for fingering Rose on the patio. But that was something you didn’t want to think about at that moment. “Woo, strip San for me, please.”                Wooyoung listened well – he helped San lift his arms above his head and proceeded to take off his shirt for him, tossing it aside. Next were San’s pants. It took a bit more effort to strip those and then get rid of his boxers too. “San, your turn,” you said. There was no shame visible in Wooyoung, who seemed utterly comfortable with stripping as well. They were still kissing, albeit a little bit more clumsy now San was trying to take Wooyoung’s pyjama’s off. It had never occurred to you that perhaps San wasn’t all that confident and experienced as you had taken him to be. Perhaps he had only been truly intimate with a handful of people. Perhaps this was a first for him – the first time he had a threesome. You couldn’t say you had any experience in this department either.                “Woo-“ you started, but the instructions you were about to give him stuck in your throat as Wooyoung ripped himself free off San and said: “Aren’t you going to get undressed, baby?”                Your mouth almost fell open in an o-shape at the pet name. You had never heard Wooyoung call anyone by a pet name. Let alone be the one to be called one by him. “Sorry.” You felt like you had to say sorry. Why? You weren’t sure. “San?”                San, who visibly wasn’t entirely sure what was going on but was along for the ride regardless, scooted over so he could reach for you. He was less clumsy with you, but you weren’t sure if you had to attribute that to past experiences with girls or to not being engaged in a wild make out session with you. Which quickly changed as your lips smashed together.                Now the three of you were all fully naked, everything that was uncomfortable or awkward about the situation seemed to ebb away. You wrapped your arms around San’s neck, pulling yourself up a little bit so you could rub yourself on him. You couldn’t remember how long it had been since you had started crushing on him, but you had had some fantasies and wet dreams about San before. Admittedly, you’d had them about Wooyoung too. You felt his hands sneak in between San and you and jumped a little from the sudden sensation of Wooyoung’s thumb against your clit. You were sure his other hand was wrapped around San’s shaft – there was no other explanation for the sudden noise that erupted from the boy, your kiss temporaily stopping.                “What do you want me to do, baby?” Wooyoung’s soft voice sounded.                “Hm-“ You didn’t trust yourself to be able to properly tell him what you wanted, so instead you let go of San to kiss Wooyoung instead. San chased after you, attaching his lips to your neck. The confidence he gained made you groan into Wooyoung’s mouth as San nibbled and licked and sucked, sure to leave marks behind. There were noises from San as well, noises that were only explainable by Wooyoung moving his hand on San.                It occurred to you that this was every girls’ dirtiest fantasy and you weren’t taking one second for granted. You let Wooyoung push you back onto the bed, which was in no way able to fit three people in it, but you somehow made it work. You were glad Wooyoung didn’t need any verbal instructions; softly pushing his head down, in the direction of where you needed him most, was enough. He went to work, expertly licking and sucking. It nearly made you fold in on yourself from the sheer pleasure he was giving you, but you were too busy tending to San’s proud erection, oozing precum from Wooyoung’s earlier ministrations.                You wrapped your lips around him, working your mouth in a way that was sure to earn San’s approval – it was audible in his moans and groans, ones you gave back to him from Wooyoung’s actions. San was the first to succumb. The pleasure rendered him nearly unable to speak, but you understood the little taps on your cheek well enough. You didn’t pull away however, allowing San’s cum to fill your mouth. And you swallowed.                San seemed just about spent, but he didn’t leave you hanging. Instead, he went to work on your neck again, his hands coming up to cup your boobs. San didn’t have to do much for Wooyoung had done most of the work on getting you to your high. You came with a high-pitched moan; there was a certain shyness overtaking you at the sound you hadn’t previously thought you could make. You were panting, admiring Wooyoung and your glistening juices on his lips as he came up. There was very little to no talking as you motioned for him to come closer. The sudden urge overcame you – you couldn’t explain what had triggered it. You pushed yourself up just a little bit, in a way that wouldn’t disturb San, as you pulled Wooyoung just a little bit closer, your tongue darting out to lick Wooyoung’s lips, getting a taste of yourself.                “What about you?” you asked tracing your hand down Wooyoung’s chest, down his happy trail, to his cock. “What do you want? Tell me.”                “San-ie,” he said. San looked up from his work on your neck, his eyes slightly hazy. “I want you… to suck me.” That was the first time you saw Wooyoung seem even just a little bit fazed by the situation, instead of looking like he had everything under control. “And Y/N, baby… kiss me.”                You gave San a quick kiss on his lips before coming up onto your knees so you could reach Wooyoung better. There was equal part of kissing and moaning from Wooyoung’s side – he was a lot more vocal than you had expected. The part of Wooyoung that was moaning mirrored the part of you that wanted him inside of you, but tonight was not the night. Instead, tonight was the night Wooyoung grabbed your film camera from his night stand and, in the dark, figured out how to take photos of you and San, coated in Woo’s cum. Yes, tonight was the night Wooyoung coated both you and San in cum – and then went to clean it up himself with San’s T-shirt from the floor.                “Woo,” San complained, but you both heard quite clearly that his heart wasn’t in it.                “Ssh.” Wooyoung pressed a kiss against San’s forehead and then to yours. “Let’s go to sleep.”

The bed really was too small for three people. You had thought it the night before and you were proven right the next morning, when you woke up to a yelp from a distraught San – he had fallen off the bed. He was disgustingly handsome, but your heart didn’t flutter the way it had before. What had remained the same, however, was the heat in your cheeks at the memory of what you got up to the night before, the evidence right there on San’s T-shirt, which he had picked up off the floor with a disgusted expression. “I probably won’t be able to wear this ever again. Damn you, Wooyoung.”                You were surprised to find Wooyoung awake already too, one of his arms folded behind his head. His eyes had been closed before, which lead you to believe he was still asleep, but the smile that played on his lips was unmistakably one of someone who was awake and heard every word of what San had just said.                You watched as San strode across the room and threw his T-shirt in the trash can behind the door. “I’m taking a shower,” he announced, leaving you and Wooyoung in the bed by yourselves as he closed the door behind him.                Wooyoung’s eyes stayed closed, his smile having slightly faded. You pushed yourself up on one elbow and looked at Wooyoung, really looked at him. You had known him for so many years, had gone on so many adventures with him… This was the next big adventure. You reached out, doing something you had always thought of doing but never felt confident enough to. You traced his finely shaped eyebrows, the curve of his eyes… You trailed your finger down his cheeks to rest at the corner of his lips. You were about to carefully trace his lips, full and relaxed, when Wooyoung suddenly snapped his teeth at your finger.                “Woo!” you complained, pouting at him. His eyes were open now, the brown highlighted to several shades of gold in the narrow stroke of sunlight from the window. By the way the sun shone into the room, you could see it was nearing noon. Although in that case, it wasn’t exactly morning anymore, this was by far the best morning you had spent at the farmhouse. “Why did you do that?” You let your finger fall back to his lips and this time he let you trace them, his warm breath hitting your skin. When you let his lips alone, opting to crawl into his embrace instead, you said: “San joined us last night…” Stating the obvious. Great.                “Was it good?” Wooyoung asked, his hand coming up to play with your hair.                “Yeah. I liked it.”                “Me too.” You could hear from his tone of voice – delicious, delicious morning voice – that he was smiling. “I hope San had a good time too. But next time I want you all to myself.”                You felt your heart flutter at his words. There was a next time and that next time would consist of you and Wooyoung exploring each other. You were absolutely certain that this was the best morning at the farmhouse – you felt like the happiest girl on earth. You didn’t know what to say, so instead you just hummed in agreement.                “Would you like me to bring you breakfast?” Wooyoung asked after a while.                “Eggs and sausages,” you said.                “Ooh, making demands now? Actually using your words?” He chuckled and tapped your shoulder, signalling you to get up so he could move. You pushed yourself up and watched as Wooyoung got out of bed. With his back toward you, you saw his muscles stand out as he bend to pick up his shirt off the floor. The room was a mess. “Any preferences for your breakfast beverage, milady?”                You grinned. “The finest tea you serve, milord.”                “Of course.” He bowed before making his way out of the room.                As you were left alone in Wooyoung’s bed you tried to wrap your head around the events of the night before. Coming to the farmhouse you had never expected that this was the way you would end the trip. You hadn’t even suspected anything remotely like this would happen. You got out of bed, dressing yourself in the clothes from the night before, before crossing the room to open up the window.                You had just crawled back into bed, sitting up with your back against the wall, when San came back, his hair wet and a towel hung lowly around his waist. He closed the door behind him and got to getting dressed as you watched him. The silence between the two of you was palpable but nonetheless quite comfortable. You wouldn’t know what to say anyway.                “I didn’t mean to insert myself,” San suddenly spoke up, sitting down on the edge of his bed, clutching Shiber to his chest, “in between you and Woo. I know it was all quite new to you both.”                You shrugged, leaning your head against the wall. “We both wanted it. You didn’t insert yourself in at all. Was it good?” you couldn’t help yourself asking.                San nodded, his cheeks turning pink. “I hadn’t expected it.”                “Believe me, me neither.” You looked at the way San was playing with Shiber’s tail. “It was really new to us,” you then said, surprising the both of you. “I mean, we were friends. And now we’re more.”                “I think everyone saw it coming.”                “I don’t think so,” you said, shaking your head. “You know, I was always crushing on you.”                “You were?” San looked up, stopping his playful antics with Shiber. “I didn’t notice.”                You nodded. “It was a long time crush. But there’s a difference between crushing on someone and loving someone. I realised that because I watched you and Alice.”                There was no response to the mention of Alice. You found you didn’t really care. San resumed playing with Shiber, but his eyes stayed trained on you. “So why Yeosang?”                “Vengeance.” You knew how terrible that sounded but there was no other word for it. “He was… there. I know it’s wrong. But I needed to know why I felt so jealous of Rose.” With a sigh you let yourself fall sideways onto the bed. “Now I do. And now I know why I don’t love you. Not in that way.”                The door opened to reveal Wooyoung carrying a tray, a literal mountain of food on the plate that he carried, a tea pot and three cups next to it. “Breakfast!” He set the tray down on the floor, and despite the mess that was the room, the three of you crowded around the tray to eat the breakfast Wooyoung had prepared.                The idyllic bubble of Woosan’s room had to be broken some time. You regretted stepping foot out of the room the second you did it, but you felt dirty so you wanted to shower, and besides that, you had to pack up the rest of your belongings to return home. You got into the shower, the same one you had been in the first day. The window was cracked open, letting in the sounds of nature and summer. You shut your eyes, enjoying the feeling of the water scorching your body.                Yechan was waiting for you in your bedroom when you got back to pack up. “I know where you went last night. I’m glad I didn’t have to hear it. I know Seonghwa and Sooyoung had a front row seat though.” She smiled. “So, you have to tell me all the details. How was your first threesome?”                “Yechan!” you covered your face with your hands. “I’m not going to talk about this with you.”                “Okay, maybe without details, then,” she said. “At least tell me you had a good time.”                You lowered your hands a little bit to look at her. Your best friend, with you through everything… “It was really good.” You bit your lip at the excitement that erupted from Yechan. Her happiness rubbed off on you, though, and soon enough you were, despite yourself, telling her just a few details. Like San having to throw out his shirt afterwards. You left out the pictures Wooyoung took of you and San. Those were private.                “Are you in a polyamorous relationship now?” she asked, her eyes wide and genuine.                You shook your head. “I don’t think so. I think it’s just me and Woo.”                Yechan nodded. “That’s good too.” She took your hand and softly squeezed, her smile saying more than words ever could.

The next person you had to talk to was Yeosang. You were carrying your bags out to the car when he popped up beside you. “Let’s go on the trampoline,” he said. You nodded, following him across the backyard to the trampoline, overlooking the vineyard. It was better in the day than it was last night.                The little kids in you jumped out by the way you nearly toppled over each other to get onto the trampoline, performing tricks as you jumped. After a bit you let yourself fall down, out of breath. “Yeo, I need to tell you something,” you said and he stopped jumping as well. “I had s-��                “Sex with Wooyoung. I know,” he said.                “You do?” Okay, perhaps you weren’t right to be surprised he knew. If you had to believe Yechan, the three of you hadn’t been very quiet. “I mean- San was there with us too.”                “I know. I heard everything,” Yeosang sat down on the trampoline now too. “The walls are pretty thin, you know.”                “I’m sorry.”                “You’re sorry that I heard?”                You chuckled. “Yes, that too. But also that I did that. Now that I know you like him-“                “It doesn’t matter,” Yeosang said, turning his head to look up at the sky, shielding his eyes from the sun with his hand. “He’s not into guys anyway and I know how much you two like each other. I haven’t been completely blind over the last couple of years, you know? I’ll find someone that likes me like that and that I’ll like back. I’m fine with what happened. Don’t worry about me.”                “If you’re so sure,” you said, looking up at the sky too. “I just feel guilty.”                “Don’t.” Yeosang reached over and grabbed your hand in his, giving it a squeeze. “Just know that Rose also heard and she’s crazy upset with you two.”                You sat up, looking over at him. “Just about how many people have heard every single second of last night?”                “How many people are with us on the trip?” Yeosang started counting on his fingers. “So 13. Except maybe Mingi. He was out cold. That makes 12.”                “Jesus Christ,” you swear. And you do so again when you return to the farmhouse to find Rose already storming out to find you. Apparently someone had told her you and Yeosang were hanging out on the trampoline. There’s a look in her eyes that you’re not sure you ever want to see in anyone’s eyes ever again. It speaks of all-consuming anger. “Rose-“ you start. And that’s also where you end. She didn’t even take the time or effort to talk it out. Her first reaction was violence.                You had always jealously compared Rose’s visuals to that of an angel, but the way she lashed out at you proved she was all but that. “You slut!” she shrieked, her nails finding a hold in your skin. You barely felt the pain as she raked her nails down your face. You had never thought of yourself as a violent person, but you also weren’t the person to back down from someone attacking you like this. Your pent up frustrations were threatening to spill out of you in a violent manner, but before you could do much damage to her, Mingi’s strong arms wrapped around you, picking you up as if you weighed absolutely nothing, carrying you away as Jongho did the same to Rose, who was now clawing at him.                Mingi set you down on the countertop of the downstairs bathroom, checking you for injuries like the worried big brother he always acts like towards you. “You’re bleeding.” He grabbed tissues for you to hold against the wound, as if that would help much. Silly, hungover Mingi.                “She has sharp nails,” you said, wincing as you pressed the tissues against the marks.                Wooyoung came storming in, carrying a white box with a red cross on it. “First aid!” he said, to which Mingi nodded and left. You bet he knew why Rose had got violent with you too. “I didn’t know she was going to do that,” Wooyoung said, opening up the first aid kit.                “It’s fine,” you said. “Did I at least fight her off a little bit?”                He laughed. “God, that that’s the first thing you’re thinking about… Here, you’re bleeding.” He got to work, cleaning up the scratches Rose’s nails left behind on your face and arm. His fingers were soft on your skin, leaving behind a trail of heat. Even though you hadn’t known him to be very skilled with cleaning up wounds and bandaging up injuries, he was doing quite a good job. Better than Mingi would have done, had this been his job to do. “And the way you stood your ground was pretty hot, Y/N.”                You chuckled. “You’re just saying that.” You looked at Wooyoung as he took expert care of you, the tip of his tongue sticking out of his mouth in concentration, a habit you had always loved about him. You realized suddenly how blind you had been all along not to notice him, or his love for you. You had never actively fantasized about Wooyoung in a sexual way, although you had sometimes wondered what it would be like to have a romantic relationship with him. In your mind it had never worked out, whereas a relationship with San would seem the most plausible. He had always been the one boy you thought you would end up with, if it was going to be anyone out of the friend group. Everyone had known each other for varying lengths and with different intensities, something which had never lead you to believe that you and Wooyoung would be a good match.                “What are you looking at?” Wooyoung asked, chuckling, throwing away the stuff he had used to clean and bandage your wound.                “You,” you said, no trace of shyness.                “Like what you see?” Wooyoung wiggled his eyebrows, his classic playfulness erasing what you had felt over the past couple of days, leaving only behind what you had always thought to be simple, platonic feelings for your best friend. But now you knew it was more.                You shrugged. “I think you could do better, but this’ll have to do.” You stuck out your feet, wrapping your legs around him and pulling him closer. “Thanks for stitching me up.”                “I’m sorry about Rose,” he said, his arms coming to rest around your waist. “Take the same car as me back?”                “So you can finger me in the backseat while no one notices?” You chuckled at the surprise on his face. Must be due to your sudden dirty mouth. “No, thanks. I’ll ride with Yunho and Jongho. But maybe we can see each other when we get back? Get lunch, or dinner… Go out on a real date…”                “A real date.” Wooyoung nodded. “Sounds wonderful.”

Alternative scene How the ‘morning after’ would have had gone, had I decided to stick with the shower Woosan x reader threesome I had originally planned to happen after the initial Wooyoung x reader sex scene

The room smells. Of what you’re not entirely sure, but it’s sour and makes your nose crunch up as you slowly open your eyes, only to find Wooyoung next to you. His dark brown hair was curling up at the ends and his mouth was slightly open, his chest bare. You had managed to wrap most of the blankets around yourself, leaving Wooyoung uncovered. Not just his chest was bare. You draped the blankets over him and in the process, noticed you were only wearing a T-shirt. That’s it. Just a T-shirt. When you glance underneath the covers, you see it’s Woo’s, one you got together while he was shopping for his First Date T-Shirt, nearly 4 years ago now. You smiled to yourself at the memory and turned onto your back.                That’s when you realize that it wasn’t just you and Wooyoung in the room. “San!” You pull up the covers again to cover yourself, even though there’s no bit of you left uncovered. He’s casually resting on his bed, eyes trained on you and Wooyoung in the bed.                “Good morning. What a coincidence I catch you here. Morning, Woo.”                “San,” Wooyoung groans out from next to you. He seems utterly unfazed to see you laying next to him. He must know you’re wearing nothing but his T-shirt. You also reckon San must know what has happened between you and Wooyoung. “Aren’t you supposed to complain about your headache?”                “I think throwing up prevented my headache,” San said, pointing at a bucket at his side of the room, standing half under half next to his bed. You guessed that was what the sour smell was all about. “Aren’t you two supposed to be even a little bit ashamed that you two had steamy, hot sex while I was literally in the same room with you?”                “I just seized the opportunity,” Wooyoung said, wrapping his arm around you and pulling you against him. “And you were asleep.”                “Apparently not,” San said. “I was miserable, though. Maybe next time you decide to fuck each other again, you could invite me.”                “Oh, shut up,” you said, hiding your face in Woo’s chest. This is really just way worse than seeing San and Alice kissing on the edge of the swimming pool or Wooyoung fingering Rose while you’re in the shower. This is humiliation of a different kind.                “Why were you actually listening to us?” Wooyoung said.                San shrugged. “Like I said, I was miserable. Couldn’t sleep, especially not with those sounds. Disgusting. What would Rose say?” That remark landed him with Wooyoung’s pillow in his face. “Okay, yes, that was slightly mean. Sorry. Will it make you feel better if I say it was kind of hot though? Like, I don’t know what you did that made Y/N go like-“ He made a noise that landed him with your pillow in his face. “Okay, yes, shouldn’t have said that. But! Promise me next time you won’t let me get so drunk I won’t be able to join in, yeah?”                “Would you actually want to join?” you said. You weren’t sure if you were completely disgusted by this morning conversation with San, or if you were getting turned on again. You also weren’t entirely sure if you would have had Wooyoung pin you down underneath him if you had known San was in the bed opposite.                “Could be hot,” Woo said.                “Honestly, it’s been on my to-do list,” San said. “A threesome with someone who claims himself to be a sex god and also the hottest girl from high school? I wouldn’t say no to that.”                “You tell others you’re a sex god?” you laughed at Wooyoung who turned a suspicious shade of pink.

[buddha-in-disguise]

5.18 So that was a lot!

Posting without editing, so apologies for any errors. I am running on barely any sleep, but really wanted to get this written while I could.

Overall impressions were great episode .... but again there were issues for me. However I will address them as I go through my thoughts on it all, and please don't think I am trying go bring this episode down. I'm not. It really was great! I just still see things that haven't been done that could've easily occurred to appease fans further or are examples of why 5b has been so problematic for me.

The opening was good, in that they actually explained that Leviathan were no longer at the location they'd used in Earth 38 before Crisis. These little pointers are what have been missed a lot this season (a couple of examples later ref Kelly). Too often it's been, we need to find their location; no explanation as to why that is.

Now onto the whiplash with Kara and her anger towards Lena.

Kara is angry over Lena being at the fortress and the reaction over her use of Myriad. Alex is the one actually acknowledging Myriad is a trigger for Lena.

Alex, who suddenly starts defending Lena? Then Kara is convincing herself Lena is involved with Lex. Look, I get that she would feel suspicious, I get she has the right to feel angry. But it is this sudden, seemingly out of nowhere anger, not recognising the good in Lena she has staunchly defended until now. With Alex understanding Lena's position.

As I say, I'm not saying Kara doesn't have a right to be hurt and angry. But to see such a quick role reversal in the Danvers sisters in how they're talking about Lena? That is what I find difficult to get my head around.

I don't expect Kara to be there fully defending Lena as she has done. But this just feels OOC yet again. This really isn't normal for Kara. We've seen her angry and feeling betrayed by those closest to her before, but you could see how it built. Understanding as to why those actions left Kara feeling like she did (Astra and J'onn anyone?)

Did I mention whiplash? Because, whiplash.

But it is good to see Kara once again around a table brainstorming with most of the Superfriends. Using her intelligence and skills to try and figure things out.

Nia is also finally able to be involved properly. I still feel annoyed Nia isn't really in CatCo at all these days, because as much as I love seeing her as Dreamer, I want to see Nia as more than just a Superhero. I want to see her continuing as a journalist, and like Kara, use both skills together when feasible.

The Tower is actually getting used (those computers aren't simply sitting there looking pretty). How many episodes has it taken to see this used properly for more than a brief scene? Too long.

M'gann is back. I love M'gann, and despite still feeling angry that they had J'onn throw her into a DEO cell, with no due process simply for being a White Martian, I've always enjoyed the dynamic between the two characters, and it wasn't a surprise they kissed. Although god damn it, where was our Dansen kiss. Even a hug? But onto Dansen in a bit.

Alex got into some action. That car hood slide?! Phew. It is suddenly very hot in here. We certainly wouldn't complain if they throw a few more of those hood slides in future episodes.

This is the sort of thing a lot of fans love Alex for. Her kick ass, throwing herself around best.

Plus the scene with Kara in the library just before that, also had the Danvers sisters vibe we have just missed a lot this season, especially 5b.

The DEO being destroyed. Of course we knew it was coming, but it was still good to see the whole sequence of action leading up to it. Kara jumping through that window! Day. Made.

The Nia and Brainy scenes though. My poor Brainia heart. Actually the way Nia and Kara turned and walked away outside after the collapse of the DEO .... oof. Understandable but still gut wrenching. The parallels to Lena and Kara, with Brainy and Nia are also there. God damn it, what is with all this pulling apart relationships and friendships on the show this season.

Kelly, while still frustrated she is working with William, in this episode it made more sense, as Nia and Kara were out doing Superhero things. I've said for ages though, William really isn't needed to simply stand over Kelly's shoulder as she does her thing. Okay, so he realised an image inducer was being used, but if Kelly was working this on her own, (with the Superfriends at The Tower), you can't tell me she wouldn't have been giving the footage the same level of detailed going over that William was. Nothing in those scenes couldn't have been done without him. Kelly is far more capable to do this. She is ex-military for gods sake.

Which leads me onto Dansen, but also Alex.

Once again we had them acknowledge that as ex-military Alex was finding it difficult to adjust. I broached this in an earlier piece I wrote when J'onn and Alex were talking about it. I would've far preferred Kelly had that conversation with her girlfriend, at home. That end scene with Dansen was great, but the dialogue with Kelly's ex-army buddy - that should've been Kelly when Alex says her actions led to it happening. That whole segment had Kelly and Alex talking written all over it. Another wasted opportunity of so many this season. It is especially galling as we've had so little meaningful Dansen content. That small change would've made a huge difference. Plus no hug? No kiss? M'gann and J'onn get one, but once again Dansen don't, and they don't even get the intimacy of a hug. It is ridiculous. And people wonder why fans have had increasing issue of the LGBTQ storylines. Or rather lack thereof.

Which brings me to my other bugbear from this season. Does Kelly know Kara is Supergirl? I mean I think she does after last weeks episode, which I've covered at the time. But that is only conjecture on what we saw, not what we know for certain. Where is Alex getting her income from? Is J'onn paying her, and if so, where is he getting the income from? Are Kelly and Alex actually living together? Because Kelly sure as hell looked comfortable in Alex's apartment, and Alex certainly looked as if Kelly not only was expected to be there, but belonged there. I know we can't get every minute detail about their lives, but these aren't small things. Plus it would only take brief dialogue to explain what the situation really is.

As for Alex becoming a vigilante. I will be honest, I've never been overly comfortable with vigilantes in shows, however they are littered throughout The Arrowverse. In fact, without them most Arrowverse shows wouldn't exist. As for the support of Kelly, that was a pleasant change. She understood the difficulties Alex faced, and offered a solution. After all, she has the Guardian shield. Whether she becomes her own version of Guardian I guess we wait and see. But since Alex needs to try and stop both Lex and Leviathan and has no other means to do it effectively, a vigilante is the most logical step. After all, isn't that what they've all been doing since Alex left the DEO? They just haven't placed a name to it until now.

Time to go onto Lex and Lena. Possible trigger warning here.

"You're a monster. But that doesn't mean I have to be one to."

First off. Jon Cryer and Katie McGrath were masterful in the scene where it all came to a head in the prison. Despite my misgivings of the overuse of Lex this season, there is no doubt this is why he is so good! His emotional range just came shining through. Just as Katie McGrath's did.

Him getting up into her face like he did, and her flinching. Here is what I tweeted about it: "Listen, I've been in an IPV relationship. I can't speak for victims of family abuse and if they grow up in the same way, but the way Lena flinched in this scene. That was me when my ex did what Lex did. That was real.

Katie McGrath's shone in tonight's episode."

Katie just completely nailed it. This is when I wish I could just stand there and tell her just how amazing that scene was. The same for Jon.

Those who have denied time and again Lena wasn't a victim of abuse, or it didn't excuse her for her actions in how Lex manipulates her, this is why we spoke about it. This is the victim of abuse. If she wasn't expecting that to escalate into a violent reaction, then that scene wouldn't have happened like it did. She was expecting the blow. That whole scene was visceral. I'm still trying to get to grips with how once again, the acting just brings through a depth so often lacking. So please spare me the excuses of she isn't a victim of abuse. That scene is canon now to the story. Between Lex last season, and this leaves no room for doubt, and if you do - you're not doing it for any other reason than to simply hate on Lena.

That last scene with Kara and Lena. Fucking finally! It's only taken 18 episodes to get there. Again I am still frustrated Kara is being so defensive against Lena, but I also do kind of understand it. She is also feeling hurt and no doubt worried. Is Lena trying to trick her again, like she had earlier in the season. Will she get her heart ripped out if Lena is presenting her with an act. Trust goes both ways, and both of them have found it difficult to reestablish it. I get that. I really do. Again though I just wish it hadn't taken until 5.18 for any kind of resolution between them to begin. Even if it had gone to the 20 episode season as planned, we couldn't get time to really get this sorted. Kara needs to let Lena explain why Lena did what she did with more than that speech. She needs to understand just how abusive the relationship is between Lex and Lena, and why to some degree Lena fell back into old habits like she did. Much like we had Lena and Andrea get that backstory, to really help show why Lena has trust issues, Kara and Lena now need to lay those cards out on the table in a similar way. No more hiding. Sadly I doubt we will get anything of that depth, and we certainly won't this season. But it is a start and that's more than I could've hoped for before the episode began.

Lastly, William getting black bagged by Eve. I wonder if her anger at Lex will make her use William as a pawn to gain revenge? Or will she let William know Lex was the one who has fed William those details, or activated him? Still a weird ass way to describe it by the way. But we will see. Honestly, William as a whole holds absolutely no interest for me. So I didn't even find myself reacting to what happened. It was ... meh.

And that's it for now. I've almost certainly forgotten something, but it was a lot to take in this episode.

Overall, I felt this episode was far better than some of what we've seen so far this season, particularly in 5b. It certainly leaves me looking forward to 5.19 with less dread than of late.

[salmonthestoryteller]

Why I'll Never be Over Losing Nobel

We're closing in on the start of Roswell New Mexico Season 2, and I realized that while I have lamented about this many times, I have never explained it.  I've never gone into detail about why this was my first Roswell New Mexico OTP. What about it struck such a chord. Or why, almost a year after the reveal about the truth about Noah's character, it's still crushing to me that they chose to go this route.

There's been several good metas about how, knowing the truth, the meaning of the scenes are completely different. How suddenly everything takes on a different meaning, one that's abusive and sinister. And that is both heartbreaking and true.

But that's not what I'm here to write about. I want to take you back to what it was like on a first watch through, without knowing the truth. About how beautiful this ship was and why. So here we go.

First of all, could there be both a sexier or funnier introduction to a ship than for Isobel to be in bed with her husband and get a psychic call for help from Max?  As she quickly excuses herself, and throws an "I love you!" over her shoulder, I was already on my way to OTP doom.

This is followed by both funny lines like, "I had to untie some loose ends at home", and the far more heartwrenching "I am married to someone who can't ever know who I am, and it kills me."

It sets up the conflict they will have to overcome. Isobel has been lying to Noah about what she is their entire relationship. And, no offense, this isn't some "on again, off again" or "second chance with the one that got away" romance. This is a marriage. They've been together for years.

Yes, I have a prejudice toward committed relationships in fiction. People who have dedicated years of their life to one another? Who have actually been there for one another when they needed them? Yes. More, pls, thank-you.

I've said it before, but I'll say it again. One of the least believable things about this show is that in a "small town", this many people near the age of 30 are unmarried. Heck, we know from Maria's palm readings that apparently even Hank, and another local at their reunion are unmarried. The alien part is more believable than that.

So Isobel being married was such a smart call to me. And, especially in a sci-fi show, was such a change from business as usual.  Not many shows would dare to have a main character be married, and honestly, I remember thinking it was awesome that they'd been willing to take the risk. (Of course, we know how that turned out, but I'll save that lament for the end.)

While Noah grumps about Isobel being "predictably codependent", he is still quick to offer to try to talk to Max about what's bothering him. Further, despite Michael not being Isobel's brother in the technical sense, it's clear he understands that to her Michael is her brother. Because that "predictably codependent" line isn't just about Max. Noah includes Michael in it.

He also shows zero jealousy towards Isobel's relationship with Michael. A character in a relationship showing zero jealousy towards Isobel's closeness with an unrelated character? That was so nice to see grace my screen.

The drive-in was one of the ship’s golden episodes. From Noah asking, maybe we can both be… present?  Pointing out how distracted Isobel has been since Max saved Liz.  Later in the episode, Isobel goes home and does her best to keep her promise about being present for Noah by forcing a smile, but Noah sees through it.  And this is one of those - omg, I love this.  Because guess what?  They talk.  They have communication.  They don’t scream, they don’t misinterpret, they don’t divert - they have a full-on honest conversation about things.  Don’t see that very often on a tv show, do we?

To Nobel fans “Isobel Evans-Bracken, you are my person” was on par with “I never look away” and “I would have followed you.”  We were melting, especially when Noah followed it up by showing he had set up a whole night to comfort Isobel after her bad day.  This is the type of romantic interaction people write fanfics about because it literally doesn’t get put on our screens.  It’s not “dramatic enough”, but this ship was giving it to us in spades.

And the good stuff kept coming.  Because we still got our “rocky dramatic” moments, too.  Because “committed relationship” doesn’t mean “boring.”  It doesn’t mean “And then they never had a misunderstanding or anything bad happen to them.  They lived in happy lala land for the rest of their lives.”  It actually means that when things get rocky, it both hurts more and has extra meaning behind certain actions.  And it honestly felt like, with Nobel, the writers were tackling those concepts beautifully.

Noah realizes Isobel is keeping a secret, and draws the conclusion that she’s an alcoholic.  Isobel (who doesn’t yet know “she” was the one who killed Rosa, Kate, and Jasmin) knows this is the one thing she can never tell him.  Not because she has to protect herself, but because she has to protect her brothers.  When Noah handed her the bag and said he needed time, I was in tears.  Honestly, while Liz telling Max she never wanted to see him again was very dramatic, the truth was they were not in a relationship at that time.  They had just been getting to know each other after a decade apart.  It’s very dramatic, and I’m sure Echo fans found it heartbreaking.  I was too busy crying over Noah and Isobel.  Sorry, but they were the ones in an actual relationship.  They were married.  This moment to me hurt more than any of the other moments because they were committed.  They weren’t going home to separate apartments every night.  Noah handing Isobel that bag, with the meaning of “I can’t even be in the same house as you right now”, that was the kind of pain you can’t get in a “Getting together” couple.  Only a committed one.

Noah continues to struggle with Isobel’s secrets, and whether they can fix what’s going wrong with them.  Talks to Max at the worse time, and even when he comes back starts to realize something is still wrong.  Especially when Isobel coughs up blood and collapses, but nobody will still talk to him about it.  His anger at that moment doesn’t seem off, because the woman he loves is ill and nobody will tell him anything.

But, honestly, the next big moment of Nobel gold was their confrontation when Isobel came out of her pod.  “I’m married to an egg person” remains hilarious regardless, as well as “Cowboys and aliens, it’s unnatural”, and “I would never pick that sweater.”

Noah’s struggle to accept everything (Buying the gun before they’re talk, his accusation that she had used her powers on him, and later suggesting she not use her powers) was a believable storyline.  It was actually nice, compared to the ease of every other human character on the show in accepting not only aliens, but ones with powers, to see someone struggle with it.

Of course, that was when the truth was revealed and the beauty of the whole relationship was completely destroyed.  Noah being the fourth alien, the murderer, and on top of all that having latched onto Isobel’s mind like a leech since she was fourteen?  There was no coming back from that, everything that made the ship beautiful wasn’t only a lie - it was actually Noah manipulating and abusing Isobel.

The reveal of the betrayal is very dramatic, and Karan Oberoi’s performance as the evil version of Noah is flawless.  Isobel’s confrontations with him in mindscape, both at Max’s house and before his death, are incredible scenes.  I can’t fault the storytelling there.

But I will never be over the “Could have been” because ships like Nobel aren’t common.  Committed relationships are rarely shown in a positive light.  In fact, writers seem to go out of their way to never show them as sexy or happy, but rather to show a relationship going “stale” with affairs being the most common plot they throw at every committed couple they bother to put on the screen.  Even then, the relationships are often for side or minor characters, never the more main ones.  I’ve even seen other fans of various shows ask, but what would they do with these characters if they’re in a committed relationship?  Um… exactly what they do with the characters who aren’t.  Given them plots.  Y’know, the whole non-relationship part of the show?  And how would them being in a committed relationship take away from dramatic moments like injury or kidnapping or loss?  It really wouldn’t - they could have all those same things happen.

With Nobel, they initially presented us with a pairing that was sexy, sweet, communicated, and whose relationship did and would continue to have their own set of struggles as events and truths unfolded around them.  It was gorgeous, and so rare, and, no, I’ll never be over losing that.

[bardicfoxes]

[Warhammer 40K] Lucina Galadriax - Adeptus Sororitus

In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only war. I like writing characters who overcome challenges, be it through the circumstances of their birth, brought on by their own actions, or through the machinations of the world around them. The world of 40K is full of challenges, every character in the series has to deal with the very world they live in trying to trick, betray, and destroy them. Lucina is no exception to this rule. Despite all this, members of the elite Adeptus Sororitus are required to stay resolute, pious, and strong, even in the face of mind breaking Chaos. I hope you enjoy the arduous tale of Sister Galadriax, Hospitaller of the Adeptus Sororitus.

The forge world of Selinax was home to a shining example of the Emperors faith, one of the largest Titan manufactorum's in Askellon. Here, under the watchful eyes of the red robed mechanicus, and with the hard work of the Imperiums faithful, huge machines of war were crafted, and housed. The manufactorum network was owned by a noble family, the Galadriax's, who ensured that everything ran smoothly, like the mechanisms of a pocket chrono. Of course for most, growing up on a forge world would be a life of machinery based accidents, and various airborne ailments. However for Lucina, the youngest daughter of the Galadriax family, this was not the case, instead she attended classes, home taught by her family in the day, to day runnings of the manufactorum, how to deal with the tenacious adeptus mechanicus, and all other helpful lessons for the day Lucina came into ownership of the manufactorum. When Lucina wasn't in lessons, she would spend her time helping where possible, normally with a detachment of the Sisters Hospitaler, who made the forge world of Selinax their base of operations. The sisters initially disliked Lucina's inquisitive nature, how she would ask questions as they tried to reattach limbs of workers, or how she thumbed at their notes as they tried to staunch the blood loss of a driver who had paid far too little attention, but they began to warm to her as they discovered the sheer amount of information she retained, answers to pointless questions she had asked months ago, the tiniest note about the most insignificant of processes. Before long Lucina was spending the majority of her time with the Hospitaler's, lending aid where possible, learning more, and more about the ways of the Chirurgeon.

Anthony Galadriax, father to Lucina, and owner of the manufactorums noticed the time she spent with the Hospitaler's. He realised what a fine accolade it would be to have a child of his seed be recognised as a daughter of the Emperor. He spoke with the Hospitalers, and convinced them to take his daughter on as a member of their flock. At first the matron was uneasy, as eager as Lucina was to learn more, it was rare for them to take on members as a favour, Anthony argued that willing hands are far, and few between in this sector, which swayed the matron to his side. She agreed to take the sixteen year old girl with her, as a fresh member of the Sisters Hostpitaler.

It was soon after that Lucina experienced her first taste of warp travel, flown off world to Juno, where she would attend formal training at a large Adeptus Sorotius Monastery. She picked up certain aspects of this lifestyle very quickly, the hustle, and bustle of a hive world was similar to the whirring, and clanging of a forge world, she enjoyed studying as part of a class, and showed exceptional prowess with the art of medicae. However combat training was an unfamiliar, rigid experience that took some getting used to, she was inexperienced when it came to firing a weapon, or taking a direct order, with her inexperience came a contempt for those who ordered her around, and with her contempt, came punishments. Cleaning, prayers of apology, cooking, all the distasteful chores normally left to lower members were used against her. It wasn't until combat training gained a new teacher, a gnarled older woman who wore the armour of the Sisters Of Battle. Lucina no longer got punishments such as cleaning, or cooking, no, now she would be forced in front of the class, and made an example of. Failure to strip, and rebuild her Autogun? Fifty push ups in the dirt of the training ground. Failure to follow drills? Ten minutes of silence, as the class screamed obscenities at her. Muttering back chat under her breath? A personal sparring session with the new instructor. Slowly, but surely, like a rolling press forcing an Adamantium plate into shape, Lucina began to finally accept her combat training.

In three short years, Lucina had changed from a privileged daughter of a manufactorum tycoon, to a loyal, subservient, daughter of the Emperor. A short, humble ceremony was held for her class, before they were near instantly dispatched across the Imperium. On her travels Lucina saw many things, she saw victims of forge world accidents, served briefly aboard a rogue traders vessel as it carried pilgrims to a death world, walked through fields of green grass on feral worlds, each new experience more evidence of the Emperor's glorious work. While she worked, she would sing hymns, and prayers to the Emperor's, her voice a comfort to those she worked on. Her first year of work within the Hospitalers was almost to an end when they were dispatched to the death world of Yanth, where an Imperial Guard force were in desperate need of more medical hands.

Somewhere, in the vast swamped jungles of Yanth, lay a Chaos cult, battling hard against the guardsman who were attempting to exterminate them. The guardsman had come from the planet of Cadia, and fought harder than any guard regiment Lucina had witnessed yet. Being so close to the front lines of combat was a new experience, time stopped for no man out here, Lucina had taken to leaving the safety off on her weapon for the amount of times an hour she would have to pick it up and lend a fighting hand, be it during a mug of recaff, receiving a medical shipment, cleaning a weapon, or wrists deep in a man's intestines, every Guard, Hospitaler, and body on the front lines had to be prepared for combat. It was after one of these firefights, Lucina was put in charge of the care of a young officer, he'd received a nasty stab wound which had gone unreported for far too long. As Lucina worked on the officer, they talked, she was glad for the company of someone of a similar age to her, they talked about where they had come from, where they had traveled, what they had seen, in truth she began to grow quite close to the officer.

He lay under her care for a number of weeks, try as she might, she couldn't get his wound to stay closed, bandages became sodden with blood, sutures popped out of their position, and even attempting to graft the skin proved ineffectual. Had Lucina not been so enamored in the officer, she would have seen the clear evidence of chaos taint about the officer's wounds. Lucina kept trying to treat the man, almost happy for the excuse to keep him in her treatment. A full moon was casting ethereal shadows across the fortifications as Lucina did her rounds, she had many patients to tend to, but one was not in his bed... The officer had gone missing... Searching around the camp she found him heading towards the command tent. Lucina stopped him, mouth open to ask what he was doing over here, that's when she saw the chain blade in his hands, scoring deep scars into his flesh, his body now a tapestry of Chaos runes, and sigils. Lucina went to cry out a warning, but her cry was caught, as the Officer plunged the chainblade into her throat, the teeth of the blade whirring, and biting, she could feel the noise of the teeth bouncing off the top of her spinal column resonating into her brain, her throat filled with crimson, and the acrid taste of oil, and exhaust fumes poured up from the base of her tongue. Summoning every ounce of focus she could spare, she pushed the acidic panic away, clutching him firmly she braced, and drew her side arm, firing three times into the stomach of the Officer, causing him to stumble backwards, something tearing off in Lucina's hands as he stumbled, though she was more preoccupied with the blade now shuddering softly in her throat. Fortunately, Cadians never treat gunfire as something minor, and before Lucina even had the time to fall backwards, her, and the officer were surrounded by soldiers. The Officer hissed a threat, but before he could finish, he was drowned out by the deafening cracks of lasfire.

Lucina was sad, the smoke from the battlefield had obscured her vision of the stars...she had wondered if she would be able to see holy Tera from here. She could feel people around her, she tried to give them instructions on how to remove the blade from her throat without any further damage, but despite moving her mouth, she heard no words come out. As she processed this new information, a rather forward guardsman tried to help her, with a swift tug, he pulled the vibrating chainblade from her throat, tearing flesh, and sending a spout of blood over her, he apologised to her, before yelling for a Hospitaler. Lucina's mouth moved wordlessly as she lay on the damp earth, she raised her hand and found what she had torn off the Officer, a rather ornate silver pocket chrono, it had cracked, and stopped in the fall. She tightened her grip on it as she felt the ice cold glare of death upon her and promptly passed out.

It would seem the Emperor was smiling upon her that night, as it was not her fate to die, through no small miracle, the Hospitalers were able to aid Lucina, and close the wound on her throat. For three days she lay on a gurney, listening to the combat around her, sh

e was visited by one of the Cadian sergeants, who commended her bravery, telling her if she hadn't have stopped the tainted officer, he would have had a free shot at the command tent. The praise was bitter to Lucina, she knew that had she been paying attention, rather than romanticising the officer, she would have spotted the signs earlier. Her throat ached, a constant pain every time she moved her head, or swallowed, when she tried to talk, it felt like she was trying to wretch sandpaper.

The campaign on Yanth lasted another month, with Lucina being active for only the last week of that, she was finally up, and moving again, though she was still plagued by the gnawing, burning in her throat, everybody told her she was lucky to be alive, and that she must be on of the Emperor's favorite daughters to afford such luck. In truth she simply wanted to forget about it, she felt like she had failed her role as a daughter of the Emperor. Wordlessly, Lucina continued her tasks, until Yanth was declared 'safe' as she, with the rest of the Hospitalers were moved offworld, back to the monastery on Juno. Lucina became a shell of herself, no longer did such joy emanate from her, and the delicate hymns of praise that used to pour from her mouth were now gone, a Deacon offered to provide payment for surgery to install a bionic voice box, but she craved penance and refused, she had failed the Golden Throne, and had her voice taken as punishment.

The remainder of the year would not be quiet, while she had been away, a hive gang known as the "Sons" had grown rather active, even going as far as managing to secure a series of armoured vehicles, which they were using to harass, and attack their rivals catching a detachment of the Arbites in between, some said they wanted more territory, others said they simply wanted to spread some anarchy. The local PDF had got involved and were in way over their heads, calling for aid from the Hospitalers to cover the vast amount of wounded being caught in the crossfire. If trying to perform complex medicae on the frontline's of Yanth had seemed difficult, performing in the no man’s land between the two gangs was even worse, nothing was permanent, for fear of coming under fire the Hospitalers had to carry everything with them, and were ordered to perform at double time, each new street was a fresh hell. The Sons had been shelling their rivals for four days now, and all the time been executing anyone who looked official in the crossfire, be they PDF, Arbites, or even Hospitalers. Once again Lucina got used to keeping her weapon ready at all times.

Now communicating via an Imperial taught sign language, Lucina found new challenges in trying to talk to her colleagues, often having to resort to crude gestures when bullets whizzed overhead. It was on the evening of the fourth day, when Lucina, three Hospitalers, and a small detachment of PDF were caught within an old school, pinned down by fire, with wounded around them, they called for backup, where they were told rather callously, that there were far more important lives to be saving, and that their safety was their own. They had no chance to hunker down, and try and push away the advancing tide of gangers. Slowly, both sides began sustaining casualties, and it was beginning to look like a stalemate until the plasteel sides of an armoured vehicle rolled into view, it was mounted with two heavy stubbers, and a port for launching grenades. The first grenade hit hard, dismantling their cover, and sending a few of the PDF scattering, the second hit even harder, exploding above them, showering them with shrapnel, which sliced through the Hospitalers around Lucina. There was one saving grace, one of the PDFs was armed with a melta gun, a device tailored to take out vehicles like this, Emperor only knows where he got it. Lucina moved up, pointing to the Melta, then the armoured vehicle, after a short back and forth, the PDF understood her, shaking his head and protesting, citing it would be suicide to go out there. Lucina tried a new tactic, she pointed at the Melta, then to herself, gesturing a swap of weapons. Once again the PDF soldier refused, telling her it was his, and to find her own weapon, at the end of her wick, she raised her autogun, and shot him, turning to the other soldiers, as if to ask 'anyone else?', with no further complaints, she hefted the Melta into her arms.

It was a short sprint to the vehicle, but the issue wasn't the distance, it was the open ground leaving no safety from the bullets, the two heavy stubbers mounted atop the vehicle were also an issue. Lucina took a breath and gestured to the soldiers around her, hoping for covering fire. Waiting for a the two heavy stubbers to begin reloading, she darted out from the torn up rubble around her, already feeling the heat of a dozen weapons trained on her, thankfully, the PDF, inspired by her actions, and maybe a little fearful of another commissar-esk friendly fire incident opened up. Lucina counted the steps left, closer, and closer she drew to the vehicle, the heavy stubbers now finished reloading opened up, bullets striking the floor around her, every fiber of her being screamed at her to fire now, but she knew the closer she could get, the more effective her shot would be. Five meters is where she pulled the trigger, a stream of scalding hot gas, she saw the stream collide with the side of the vehicle, turning the plasteel to liquid before her very eyes, as the steam cleared she saw the inside of the vehicle, and the righteous carnage she had unfolded, undeterred by the pleading of the scalded gangers inside, she pulled the trigger again, filling the vehicle with spray, melting all souls inside. Something within the vehicle caught, triggering an explosion that lifted her off her feet. As she went to regain herself, she felt the sharp punch of autogun rounds hitting her left side, she fell again, stranded in no man's land. Once again, death would not find Lucina here. Instead of gunfire, she heard deep phwooshes, and felt the air around her grow very hot, she saw streams of fire, and heard the screams of gangers, set alight in their holes, Lucina felt a hand grasp her by the scruff of her neck, and drag her backwards to safety.

Once back on safe ground, she got a chance to see her rescuers, the shadowed black, and deep crimson of the Adeptus Sorortius's own Sisters of Battle. The sight was so beautiful Lucina could have wept, medics were ordered and once again, she found herself being taken away from battle by stretcher. The coming days were not so alien for Lucina, a flurry of Hospitalers, providing her with the medical attention necessary, it would seem she caught more bullets than first thought, a total of seven bullets were removed from her left side over the course of the next week. While in the care of her fellow Hospitalers, Lucina received a visitor, her instructor from the Monastery, and saviour on the battlefield, the grizzled Sororitas, Lady Agatha Harmonas. Lady Agatha praised Lucina for her actions, her quick thinking, and her determination to stick to her mission. She offered Lucina an opportunity, leave the Hospitalers behind, and join the selection process for the Sisters Of Battle. Given time to think on this opportunity, Lucina pushed herself to recover. In a short month she was given a clean bill of health, and sought out Lady Agatha for entry to the Sisters Of Battle.

Selection was nothing but an arduous slog, the Sisters Of Battle prided themselves on being some of the very best the Emperor had to offer, Lucina spent her Mornings, Evenings, and Nights training, testing, and learning, she found comfort in shock weaponry like the Melta gun, and used her prior experience in the Hospitalers to put herself ahead of the other applicants. Her hardest challenge was communicating with other applicants during mock missions, as the Imperial standard sign language she used, was not common knowledge, she compromised by using her knowledge of the Tactica Imperialis to communicate via militaristic hand signals. As the selection process drew towards its end, the numbers of applicants dropped from Fifty, to Eight, Lucina spent her final week proving herself, she performed excellently in mock drills during the day, and spent entire nights awake in prayer to the Emperor. When the time came, only her and two other applicants were chosen to go forward onto the blessed position.

Lucina could have silently wept during the proceedings to her enrolment as a Sister Of Battle, she felt a sense of belonging, as if the Emperor had given her the uncanny luck she had experienced to get to this position, when she was measured for the holy red, and black power armour, a sense of duty crashed over her, last time she had let her personal feelings get ahead of her, she had her voice taken as penance, she reminded herself that a Sister Of Battle had a duty to the Emperor, and his people. Lucina never forgot the lessons that her time in the Hospitalers had taught her, she never forgot how actions, no matter how small could have cataclysmic consequences, and she told herself, that while she still drew breath, she would make every action she took, a praise unto the Emperor himself.

[shadowsof-thenight]

The long way home: Chapter seven

Story summary: An AU about Steve Rogers that takes place in college. When you were kids, Steve was your best friend. Where he was you were and vice versa. So when your father got a new job on the other side of the country your 11 year old heart broken.

Over the years you had stayed in contact, though. And now, seven years later, you were off to college and unknowingly you'd applied to the college he had started at last year. You agree to meet on your second day and suddenly it all seemed a little less scary. Will you pick up where you'd left off? Or will everything have changed as much as Steve's appearance.

Ship: Steve Rogers X Reader

Warnings: Slight angst I guess Words: 3055

A/N: So, I suck at planning a story. Which means it will probably be a few more chapters than I intended. There was so much I wanted to put in this chapter. I needed to break it up. So two chapters suddenly became three and I am trying to see if that is the last extension. Only the last two chapter still need to be (mostly) written, the rest only requiring some editing. As it is that leaves me at 12 chapters. I can't wait to share it with all of you. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

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Previous Chapter

To say you weren't counting down the days till Christmas would be a blatant lie. Over the last week you had been trying really hard to focus on school. You really tried. Concentration was actually very important now, with the exams coming up so soon. Yet, whenever Steve laughed, your heart skipped a beat. And when his hands would brush yours, you were certain he felt the tremor it caused in your body.

The words he had almost spoken a week ago, kept running through your mind on a loop. There seemed to be no escape from it. No relief.

He was always around when you were awake and then he even had the audacity to show up in your dreams. It was getting harder and harder to keep it together. Your crush was slowly eating away at you and you feared it would destroy the friendship you had coveted for so long.

Citing studies, you had been able to avoid a few dinners and a movie night. But you could use that excuse only so often and you were already teased by your friends for being too serious.

Natasha knew something was up, but she had let it go so far, allowing you to create a bubble around yourself. A bubble filled with books and studying. And daydreaming, but she had no way of knowing that. You were good at hiding that part of your bubble from everyone.

Nobody had been able to get too close, to pop your bubble. Even though they had all tried more than once. Sam would offer food, knowing you could not deny yourself his cooking skills forever. Steve would fuss over you, wondering if you were working yourself too hard. Telling you to relax every once in a while. Asking you to go on walks, watch movies or just ordering you to take a nap. You had laughed and waved all his attempts away. You were fine.

Bucky had tried to take advantage of the fact that you were now mostly on your own and he had tried to talk to you several times the last week, but you had successfully dodged all his attempts. It hadn't been too hard, since you had spend most of your free time in the library these days. And whenever he would speak, you'd point to the sign that asked everyone to be quiet. After a while he would groan and walk away. Only to then try and corner you in your dorm. Which again you dodged by slipping into a bathroom. He was smart enough not to follow you there. You hoped he would eventually give up.

Natasha, however, had not tried to move you. She had just watched as you studied. And kept quiet as you waved the guys away. She hadn't said a thing. And you knew she was just gearing up, making you fear when you could expect her attack. She would watch you silence Bucky more than once and you knew that she was  slowly painting a picture in her mind. For a long terrifying two days you worried that she would think something had happened between you and Bucky, however you were quick to learn that this was not the case.

“What's going on Y/n?” Natasha demanded late one night, while you were both getting ready to sleep.

“What do you mean?” playing dumb had saved you so many times the past week. It only had to hold out twelve more days until Christmas. Once you went home, you'd have time to quietly over think all that had been going on. After that there might be a more coherent answer you could give your friend.  Might be.

“Don't play dumb” right, someone like Natasha was not easily fooled or discouraged. You should have known.

“Bucky and you have a secret and I need to know what it is” she added. You were already laying under the covers when she sat down near your feet, and looked you in the eye.

“Have you asked Bucky” you wondered, avoiding the question.

“Yes” she simply answered and you rolled your eyes. She was not giving you the answer you really intended to get after that question. And by the twinkle in her eyes and the smile playing on her lips, she was doing it intentionally.  

“And?” you pressed, wanting to know exactly what he had given up before you answered her.

“He seems to think it's not his secret to tell.” you sighed as she said this and then smiled. He was far more loyal than you had given him credit for you realised. Bucky was a good friend. Who made one hell of a first impression, you thought to yourself and nearly chuckled as you remembered the irritation he had first mustered up in both you and Natasha. Oh how things had changed.

“Oh” you finally said, pondering your next move.

“So tell me” Natasha now pressed, keeping her eyes on you. You had her full attention.

“It's nothing really” you tried to shrug off. She scoffed and raised a single eyebrow, silently challenging your words.

“I...” you began, but fell quiet again, unsure where to start and what to tell her.

“What happened that night when you picked up Steve” Natasha clarified the question and you looked back up at her face in shock. How had she known that something happened then?

“What makes you think anything happened” you were quick to ask her and she barked out a loud laugh.

“Because you've been an awkward mess ever since.” she explained.

“Geez Thanks” you sighed and looked back at your hands once more, clenching and unclenching your fingers.

“Don't deny it” she smirked and you knew she was right. There were so many moments, but one immediately jumped to the forefront of your mind. It was the most recent and also the worst of them all.

Earlier that weekend Sam had invited you over for movie night. With Christmas coming closer, a cheap night in was adamant for all of you and what better way to spend it than with a movie. You had tried to refuse, but Sam promised to make you both quesadillas and nachos. And those were undeniably the best thing in the world. Therefore you had closed your books and followed Natasha to their apartment.

As per usual, Bucky and Natasha had taken up the smaller one of the couches together, tangled in a sweet embrace, leaving the three of you on the other couch. Nothing weird so far. It was big enough to seat all three of you comfortably. You had shared the couch many times before over the past few months. Again there was nothing weird about it. No hidden meaning behind it. You knew this and yet it had put you on edge immediately.

The evening had begun normal enough, sitting between Sam and Steve. Joking together and playfully commentating on the scenes of the movie. Nothing that hadn't happened before. Sam was always quick to point out the stupid things people in movies always seemed to do. You would then follow his observation with an over the top explanation that had you all bending over in laughter. Most of the time it ended with everyone taking turns in predicting the next move of the lead character or even better the antagonist of the movie. It never failed to create a fun filled evening.

This night however, with everyone tired from studying for their finals, the banter had died down halfway through the movie. Bucky had drifted off to sleep and Steve was quickly following. That was when his head had landed on your shoulder. Again, nothing out of the ordinary. All of you had fallen asleep on others in your group of friends more than once over the course of these past few months. What was weird, though, was your reaction to the ordeal.

You had jumped at the touch, as if he had burned you. Unable to use the movie as an excuse (Natasha had asked for anything but horror this time) you were quick to say you needed to pee and fled the room. Steve had been jerked awake by the movement and a little dazed he just looked around. He had completely missed what had happened. Thankfully. As had Sam and Bucky. Sam because of his angle. And Bucky because he was still blissfully asleep.

When you came back to the room, everybody was back to watching the movie. Nobody said anything about your awkward action, making you believe you had dodged a bullet. You should have known that Natasha had seen it all happen and she was not so easily deterred.

“Just tell me” Natasha scooted closer and grabbed your hand in hers, pulling you back from memory lane. She squeezed it softly and the sympathetic look on her face told you that she was just trying to be a good friend.

You knew you could trust her. Certain she would help you the best she could. And yet...it was so hard to tell her. To tell anybody really. Not because she would judge any of the people involved. She was better than that. But you were afraid of the conclusions she would pull from the story. She always caught on to things.

Natasha raised her eyebrows inquisitively, urging you to talk. She could probably see the inner turmoil going on behind your eyes. She noticed these things. You knew she would not let this go. She would keep asking, until you told her. So why not tell her. Exactly what had happened. Without adding the feelings in the mix. That would work right? Right? Here's to hoping, you thought and braced yourself. It was time to tell her something.

With a deep sigh, you rolled your head to pop your neck and began telling the story you had wanted to keep from everyone, including Steve. She already knew that he had called, and that you had taken his car as to not wake her up. So you began telling her the story from the moment you had pulled up at the party.

You spoke of his words. Him calling you pretty. And you neglected to add the way he had held you close. How he had looked into your eyes, while moving a lock of hair from your face. And how your heart had skipped more than one beat because of it. You told yourself that you kept those details under wraps because they would only complicate things. Especially since he was so drunk that he remembered none of it.

Then you explained that you had needed Bucky's help to get him up the stairs. You didn't tell her that he had gotten so close once more, telling you he liked you. Just that Bucky had come by the time that Steve's words had become completely incoherent. Adding that Bucky had tried to take over as soon as you were inside their apartment, only to get punched by his best friend. Because drunk Steve wanted you to help him instead. And finally you mentioned that Steve had then begun to say something incomprehensible and that you had cut him off because he was too drunk.

“So what did it sound like?” Natasha eventually asked, when you stopped talking all together.

“What? Does that matter?” you asked, too quick.

“You didn't cut him off for no reason” she countered with a smile. She was still trying to comfort you, while at the same time getting the truth from you. She knew how to balance those two perfectly.

“He was beginning to say he loved me” you confessed after a few moments of silence. Once the words were out you slapped a hand over your mouth. This was the first time you had said the words out loud. The first time you had admitted even to yourself that those were the words he had uttered, or partially verbalized at least.  

Natasha sighed, a knowing smile on her face. She had not said a word as you told her the story. Only asking you to clarify his words at the end. Other than that she had only smiled and nodded at you. And now that you were done speaking, she barely responded at all. For a little while, she just looked at you. Prompting you to wonder if there was anything else you had to tell her. Was there anything else? Was it something Bucky might have said? Finally she sighed and squeezed your hands again, persuading you to look her in the eye once more.

“So what did you do after you cut him off” she asked. Her voice calm. The expression on her face kind.

“I...wished him and Bucky goodnight and went home” you said, thinking it wasn't too far a stretch, since you had walked out. You hadn't said another word, but you had gone home. Natasha obviously didn't buy it as she regarded your face sceptically. However, she didn't press any more. Allowing you the luxury of keeping your feelings locked up inside your mind.

***

The next day the first exams started and you slaved away at the test, followed by more studying in the library. You had gotten a few good hours of work done by the time Steve found you.

“Hey” he whispered as he sat down next to you and you immediately began to device a plan to quickly leave the place. Being around him made you nervous these days. He was too much. Too pretty. Too nice. Too confusing right now.

“Are you avoiding me?” Steve asked a few minutes later and your head shot up at his words. Was your inability to manage your feelings really screwing up your friendship? Were you pushing him away more than the others? Yes, you were avoiding him. Just as you were avoiding Sam, Bucky and Natasha. Right?

“No, at least not intentionally” Liar liar pants on fire, rang through your head, “I've just been so busy with studying. These exams might be the end of me” you added jokingly and offered him a smile, instantly dropping all plans to walk away from him in that moment. You could not bear the idea of hurting his feelings.

“Now that would be a shame” he chuckled.

“Why, would you miss me?” you asked, making sure to add a teasing tone in your voice in hopes that he would accept your explanation easier.

“You have no idea” his eyes boring into yours made your heart skip another beat and you can't help but smile at him a little breathless. How was he able to take your breath away so easily?

“I promise to hang out more once this week is over” you offered with another smile, having regained the ability to fill your lungs. Taking the time to stretch in your chair, you closed your eyes, not expecting an answer. You nearly fell backwards with your chair when you got one.

“I'll hold you to that” he said earnestly and you wanted to say so much to him. The look in his eyes was so warm. So comforting. For a single second you allowed yourself to think that his drunken words had been true. The idea warmed your heart and immediately seemed to alleviate the stress in your body. The power of  a silly idea, you thought to yourself as you steadied yourself and turned back to your books. Steve kissed your temple and opened his own books.

As he worked, you sneaked a few glances in his direction. Admiring his face, while the sunlight that shone through the high windows played with his blond hair. He was too good looking. Very distracting. Sighing deeply you hoped for the next few days to go by fast. You really needed some time to yourself. Time to really ask yourself what you wanted, how you wanted to handle these feelings. You needed the upcoming holiday more than ever.

So when it was finally time to close your books, grab a bag and fly back home, you were beyond relieved.

The moment you sat down on your economy seat in the plane that would take you to the cold dwellings of your family, all stress about Steve left your body.

A week away from school had never been this needed. Nor this relaxing. Normally all the hustle and bustle of Christmas was enough to put you on edge. This time however it was just what you needed as you could feel yourself relax after a few weeks of stressing over every little interaction you and Steve had. For one week he would pose no distraction. For one week you could try and forget him. Or perhaps to forget about your crush on him. That sounded better, since forgetting him was an impossible task all together.

Forgetting was especially hard when he would send you a text, wishing you a merry Christmas. Or when he called, asking about the presents you had gotten this year. The conversation had been light and fun. He could so easily make you laugh.

Over the week you began to entertain the idea that perhaps he liked you as well. You tried to look at all your interactions objectively, but knew quickly that this was useless. You weren't objective. Most likely you were just projecting your own feelings on him. But the idea that there might be something there would not shake off. And you could not deny that it was a nice idea. The fuzzy feelings it created in your heart were not bad feelings to have.

And so the week where you hoped to avoid mixed messages and confusing feelings ended much like it had begun. The idea of Steve still rendering you speechless. And your heart still fluttering as you thought of his smile, his laughter, his kindness and his beautiful face. Why on earth did you have to befriend such a perfect specimen as a kid? And why on earth did it take you so many years to figure out just how amazing he was?

Tags: @musicfreak180, @ncrediblelove, @lollipopdomination

[bardofv0id]

Meat vs. Candy: Meat

Here’s the thing.

I’m hearing two main arguments online... a lot of people saying the epilogues are Terrible, for various reasons, and a few people saying they're Good, with a smaller but vocal subset of those people arguing that if you don’t like them then you’re obviously just expecting to be spoon-fed a fluff ending in which the Character You Like gets a wish-fulfillment storybook epilogue.

There are probably some people who are mad about not getting that. However, I think misrepresenting the range of anger various parts of the fandom are experiencing as being purely some kind of childish knee-jerk tantrum at not getting the toy they wanted is disingenuous, at best, and parallels some of the mistakes of the epilogues themselves.  Note that this in no way excuses or justifies people sending the writers or anyone else death-threats or whatever the hell else has been going on.

Honestly... the Meat ending was pretty good writing, in my opinion.  It wasn’t comfortable or happy or flattering in any way to a number of characters who I recognize people care deeply about, but it was nothing really worse than I expected from Earth C, based on the fundamental narrative of Lord English’s giant closed-loop system.  The loop had to close, in order for Homestuck proper to occur at all.  That means that Earth C is where Calliope and Caliborn hatch and grow up, far, far in the future. And that means that universe, like the others, will be destroyed by a SBURB session one day. Sorry, folks.  It was never meant to be a 'happy ending'.

Meat was deeply metatextual. It was gristly and greasy and discomfiting.  It raised questions about what it means to have a narrator, and whose biases are implicitly included--and I think those are very interesting questions to raise, whether or not they are particularly satisfying to someone who is also reading for the characters.

Spoilers beyond the read-more, for obvious reasons.

That said, there were elements that did surprise me.  The removal of the other kids from different points in different doomed timelines, to fight with John against LE, rather than being his teammates from Earth C--but from John’s perspective, it doesn’t seem like there’s much difference.  Either way, they’re not fully ‘real’ to him (and barely feel real to us, as quickly as they appear and then die). He’s from the Game Over timeline, he’s battling depression, and nobody in the retcon timeline is really quite authentic to him, either--just as to many fans, they didn’t feel quite authentic, when the retcon happened and we had to suddenly let go of the characters we'd watched grow and change, replaced by funhouse mirror reflections and could-have-beens.

I’ve also seen some reasonably interesting arguments that a lot of Dirk’s narration, in the Meat route, either sounds eerily like Vriska talking or flips back and forth between Vriska-mode and Dirk-mode, well before alt!Calliope ever gets involved.  I’m prepared to believe some Serket element (whether that is potentially Vriska, or the Aranea who was abruptly displaced from her attempt at wresting control of the narrative by John) was involved there, and Dirk was not acting entirely of his own accord.  I’m also prepared to shrug and say “okay, maybe it was just a narrative parallel--Homestuck does that a lot”.  Some narration, especially when Terezi is involved, doesn't sound at all how I would expect a Serket-influenced narrator to sound with regards to her, in particular.  It doesn’t particularly grind my gears to think some version of Dirk, in the right environment, might make a series of choices that leads him to behaving like this, entirely on his own.  I recognize that it’s upsetting to DirkJake fans in particular to see their favorite pairing written like this, but it doesn’t feel wholly out of character to me for either of them to develop in these directions, given the right (or wrong) pressures and external situations. This Dirk is the culmination of a very wide multiplicity of Dirks, including at least one if not more who ended up directly subsumed in Lord English and/or under his explicit influence.

I’ve heard that some people were attacking the Meat route on the grounds of transphobia, which... I think is a rather weak argument, given that it’s recognized in the text itself, as pronoun changes are handled respectfully by one narrator-character and inconsistently by a second, who is being set up as the villain of the story. That seems like a pretty solid metatextual rejection of the action, no?  Like, if a villain does a bad thing, in a story, while the hero is fighting them, do you argue that the story itself advocates for that thing? There has to be some kind of distinction between ‘character does X’ and ‘author of story advocates X is Morally Correct’, or we would never have any villains at all. Dirk's dismissiveness toward Roxy's agency grows, the further toward 'villain' he slides.

Were there some things I liked, in Meat?  I guess.  From a sociopolitical and cultural standpoint, the shitty repercussions of the way the retcon gang set up a planet, dumped a bunch of chess people and clone grubs, then left them to do all the work of creating its society and waiting for their eventual 'godly' return... were pretty logical. I'm actually happy that it was acknowledged, instead of just brushed off as inconsequential.  It was interesting, too, to see some of the kids playing with notions of gender identity as they grew, and how their companions adjusted. It was telling (in terms of Dirk's character development) how he thought of Roxy and Calliope's gender explorations as something he could choose to 'allow' or not. Also, with how truncated most of the gang's personal development (and plot development) was in Homestuck proper ('thanks', retcon!Vriska), I think it kinda made sense how stunted and incapable of like... dealing with regular life in a functional way a lot of them seemed. Jumping straight to teenage 'godhood' didn't make them experienced or smart. It's sad that all of them just kind of... stagnate there, but Earth C has always felt incredibly stagnant to me.

Retcon!Vriska getting swallowed by the black hole was at least thematically fitting, though I'm wondering why she is using such Seer-themed language, suddenly. I also like that the wallet is finally back in play. Rose and Dirk's philosophical debate about individuation and free will is delightfully creepy, given the themes of the story. There are moments, within the story, that the turns of phrase and the humor just hit me full in the teeth and remind me this is Homestuck, and I do love those moments.  And of course, my xenobiological worldbuilding interests enjoyed that apparently, earth onions are quite toxic to trolls.

Were there things I didn’t like in Meat?  Yeah, of course. I don't particularly like that John, an Heir of Breath--one who is innately positioned to awaken Breath, freedom and motivation in the people around him--callously shoves an unresisting teenager he's barely met into a refrigerator and just leaves him there, apparently convinced he deserves it.

Did some of the things I disliked relate to the storytelling itself, rather than just how characters were characterized, or what actions they took?  Yeah. Why are we still out here queer-baiting with Dave and Karkat?  Years have passed.  They have spent literal years sitting 1.5 feet apart so it's 'not gay'? I sincerely don't think this pairing is actually healthy or beneficial to either of them, the way it developed in canon, but come on. Then, they still balk and drag their feet unless it's being narratively pushed on them by someone else. It's just painful to watch.

I also take a certain level of personal offense as a Tavros fan when the narrative goes out of its way to repeatedly harp on Tavros being useless and no one giving a shit what he's doing.  Ghost Tavros was awesome, okay, and was personally responsible for gathering the ghost army, so fuck you, Vriska-coded narrator. You have bad judgment. But that is not a crime of writing, if it is an intentionally biased perspective and not just writers taking cheap shots at a character they don't happen to like. I'm just incredibly tired of it being done habitually and collectively, as a fandom, to that character in particular. Furthermore, I'm really discomfited by the way Tavros's development (am I the only one who remembers him dancing and telling Vriska to suck it?) is completely ignored and de-legitimized by having him immediately fawning on her, trailing around after her, hiding against her shoulder, etc.  Tavros was a victim of emotional and physical abuse, at Vriska's hands.  Can we just agree to stop narratively forcing victims back into contact with their abusers, period? It's not a good look.

Moreover, there's the whole misogyny angle.  When does a story about misogynistic characters (and narrators) doing misogynistic things while misogynistic shit narratively happens start being a critique of misogynistic tropes rather than a tired old rehash?  Every step Jane (allegedly a strong, independent woman, though also stepping into her dictatorial role as 'Heiress') takes is either dictated by Dirk, sent into a complete tailspin that upends her confidence by Jake, or verbally decried as factually wrong and/or stupid by Dave and/or Karkat.  Rose and Kanaya both have their agency overwritten and end up separated from each other through the actions of Dirk, and Rose becomes an extension of Dirk, losing her very selfhood.  Jade is treated as an accessory to the DaveKat trainwreck, simultaneously discounted as actually emotionally relevant and blamed for its ludicrous problems.  She, of course, also ends up having her agency overwritten as she's plunged into a coma and possessed, prevented from actually having reactions to the things that are going on, or taking action for herself. Borrowed!Rose and Jade are KO'd almost instantly in the fight against Lord English, and become either literally erased, or dead weight for a male character to drag around until it's no longer convenient. Terezi admits to wasting a huge amount of time trailing around after Vriska--who was an emotionally abusive gaslighter to her, on the retcon!meteor. (And we're back to victims being constantly evaluated according to their proximity to their abusers again.) Then, she's on to redirecting herself into some quest on John's behalf, instead. She's still not living for herself. Finally, you show me an Aradia who would ever, ever be concerned about 'saying more embarrassing stuff' around Dave, or thinking of him as an ‘outrageously cool dude’, and I'll show you a bridge I'd like to sell you.  That ain't any Aradia I've ever seen. So who’s narrating there, Dirk again? A third party?

Other weird things: apparently Jane's kidnapping in the snapchats just... never gets explained or referenced again? I went back to reread those, and they connected to Meat even more than I realized at first.   I guess Jane grew up to be... exactly what she was raised/groomed to be, which is *uncomfortable* but not particularly shocking.  I feel bad for people who were hoping for happier endings for the human kids, but I don't think I ever really expected Homestuck to serve up happy endings.  I don't buy that things in the snapchat were just thrown in at random, though.  Those elements were there for a reason, and arguing that everything in the snapchats were connected to the epilogues EXCEPT that one major extended plotline doesn't make sense.  Especially when it visually and narratively seems to be a direct link to the events of the Meat storyline. 

Also, where the fuck are the sprites?  We never see or hear from Jasprosesprite, Gcatavrosprite, or the Nannasprite(s?) again. I’m not sure anyone cares, but. Uh. Yeah.

I have other thoughts regarding the classpect-coded language that crops up pretty frequently in the epilogues, but I think I will devote a separate post to that, if I get around to it, given that this *is* at heart a classpecting blog.

So anyway, Meat ends, it's depressing and futile and grim, I get it. I don't like every element, but it hangs together as a story with a narrative, overall.

Then we get to Candy.

Hoo boy.

I’ll tackle that one next, but as it was considerably more upsetting for me to read, rereading it for fact-checks and commentary is going to be a lot harder for me.  I’ll get through it here sooner or later, though.

[monkey-network]

redPill Your Mind [Part 1]

This is gonna be one of the drunken things I’ll ever write, but there needed to be balance so I hope you enjoy.

So, you know what I expected when I saw the title Change Your Mind? A sequel to Sorry to Bother You, in which Rebecca Sugar and Noelle Stevenson’s [self inserts] head to a Penthouse house party hosted by Buzzfeed type millennial hetero CEOs and they eventually have to slaughter their way out of there before they’re injected with a serum that turns people into jungle cat human hybrids......... instead we got a special that one could say had too many cooks in the kitchen, only for all to season the roast with the same salt, water, & pepper. But hey, whence you read all of this, know that it was all very entertaining to me. Okay, so...

We return to Rapunzel’s tower where Steven is still locked away in his sequin suit where Blue comes in and has an argument with him who is actually Pink and it’s all a dream that apparently took place in the past but the question here is when? Like it supposedly takes place before Pink got Earth but after she started acting like less of a brat? So it’s like... she was a pretty entitled brat at one point but here she’s restrained and regretful of herself here now. What?

I’m honestly at a lost at how I should feel about Pink Diamond cuz on the one hand she basically lied, used, and manipulated others into false realities and subconsciously relied on a 14 year old to be their guiding key to relieving the weight they had on themselves because she wasn’t mature enough to face this herself. On the other hand, she is seen as somebody that’s in a strict, estranged relationship with her parental figures and comes across as the one gets the rod and yet is pretty spoiled. On one hand, she sent Steven some positives vibes before her death, so that’s great. But on the other hand with this dream scene, we, or at least I, don’t really see her getting abused by the diamonds as much as having to be disciplined and told to for goofing around? Like Blue Diamond agreed to letting Pink keep the rainbow worms, Pink took advantage of that and did something unruly, and she’s put in time-out because of it. Like yeah, that tower is pretty depressing even if you can escape from it with your shapeshift and floaty powers, but it’s not like she’s in there because the others think she’s always a waste of space but because she acted headstrong and is sent there to have some time to reflect on her repercussions. Blue doesn’t figuratively looks down on Pink, think of her as any less in that scene in particular, she just appears disappointed that Pink isn’t acting like an expectedly responsible leader. Like yeah, Pink’s treated like a child but the show made me believe that she was only a child back then.

Not to mention, her “parents” are dictators, explicit dictators that are trying to maintain a galaxy wide empire full of destroyed planets and massive use of structural militarization. They have to chastise Pink for not living up to their expectations because their expectations amounts to being sith lords that seek to kill, look grandiose, and control at will. They weren’t trying to get Pink into an Ivy League and get a million dollar business afloat, they were trying to build her into the next conqueror and I’m at a lost as whether I’m supposed to empathize with that. The show made little effort in helping me think of her as anything more than a based ass bitch among a group of the same stitch that sorta kept the cycle of control going when she finally stepped up to be a leader and yet the show wants me to think that her intentions overall meant something sincere but fuck, man. Intentions work when the outcome is most probable and soluble on all accounts, it doesn’t help with three mentally stunted alien women that apparently haven’t integrated too well into society despite the fact that there are entire libraries to learn from and grasp the ups and downs that humanity have gone through since one of the purposes of staying on Earth is to protect the life on Earth as well as coexist with the inhabitants otherwise a World War 0 would’ve been imminent from the get go. Honestly, WW0 would’ve probably been cool too. I guess that’s why Russia is nonexistent cuz the fight between Russians and Gems would’ve been too epic to be detailed.

Also, we see the Diamonds do the truth bomb again and it’s like were they trying to kill or corrupt the gems cuz it seems that they weren’t aware of how their powers work and it’s like what the fuck. You just throw up your hand and expect the worst? They didn’t test this power far beforehand before decidedly saying “You know what? Let’s try these hand beams. I’m sure they’ll be super effective in wiping them out.” On top of that, the Diamonds didn’t bother to see what happened afterward? They just nuked the planet and left not caring if there were any survivors to squash out? Like yeah, if I set off a nuke then I’m certain many would die but if I wanted to make sure everyone dead, I’d cover my tracks and send some drones down to comb the area to make sure of no survivors and if the corrupted gem count were overwhelming then yeah I’d step in and take care of it again. Just saying, I would be a far more tactile villain but apparently there are no villains in this show so I guess not doing this is consistency? Wonderful.

We cut to the present where a Deja Blue, that isn’t ass tasting water, happens and Blue is like “Dang it, I try to be the better, more lenient dictator mom and you just soiling the good order and my patience. I’m putting my foot down this time.” And they mention dehydration and starvation but it’s like how would Blue know what those are? This small moment comes off as Blue being quite a brick wall but that’s the fact she doesn’t know what human customs are because.... she was never informed or obligated to care of such things. 

In any case, Steven tells Blue that this dynamic of theirs ain’t gucci, and Blue breaks down coming to terms with her estranged behavior with Pink. And I gotta look a little further into this. So the scene amounts to Blue realizing that Earth suited Pink or Steven better than the likes of Homeworld and yet it didn’t feel earned in the sense that Blue truly saw what Steven saw in Earth.  

Remember the episode When It Rains where Peridot felt more comfortable with Earth after experiencing raindrops for the first time? That could’ve been for the Diamonds, somewhat. Legs from Here to Homeworld rushed and brushed off what could’ve been a chance for Blue and Yellow to at least grasp the perspective Pink had all those years ago before they came to a full realization in this episode. They didn’t have to be as blown away as Peridot was, but they should’ve had some time before to somewhat get a sense of conflict in their own ideals and how Pink was probably in the right of her actions before falling in line to Steven’s gospel.

Like we can point the finger at Blue for being an emotionally controlling parent but like I said, she is a dictator, one whom, based on what we got, didn’t figuratively looked down on Pink as much as wanted better from her, and punished her accordingly when she went against the order that the Diamonds built for themselves. She was negligible to Pink’s real desires, but then again she had to run an empire and had to make sure Pink would follow suit so it’s like what Pink wanted was irrelevant to what was expected of her. The chamber’s a bit much, and I ain’t excusing it, but it’s like they could’ve done far worse to make Pink see things their way. And we never really see Blue enforce any control over Pink, be emotionally dysfunctional towards her, or diminish her sense of self as much as give her a stern talking about what she must uphold as a Diamond, what she born to be, as any sense to diverge from that should be absolved, while being consistent in her soft-spoken yet straightforward tone. I’ve seen a few say that she alludes to abusive parenting but the show never indicates that her disappointment and frustration enabled a subtly abusive side of her. Only one moment presents such a case where she uses her power blue balls on Steven and he takes this as a regular occurrence, but this only happens when Steven pushes her to do so out of frustration not long after trying to reason with him. For the sake of Pink Diamond, Blue really just agrees with Steven instead of understanding this for herself. Yeah, this is meant to feel like a one sided argument, but it didn’t feel like Steven had to think that much to get her on his side. While it makes sense that she would be the first who comes to terms with her past transgressions, those transgressions aren’t exhibited well to say that she was truly in the wrong for everything she did to Pink, based on what we’ve seen and heard of her. I ain’t trying to defend the Diamonds, but Blue’s revelation feels more by design of the plot and less out of earnest rationale that’s emotional resonating.

And trying to say the Crystal Gems are better parents than Blue and Yellow is a big ass understatement because their expectations weren’t as necessarily impactful as being a responsible ruler of a fucking galactic empire. Those are two different planes of settlement and standards, and Steven trying to say what is normal or not rings hallow when he didn’t make any case back on Earth for what is considerably normal there. Not to mention, Pink and Steven, despite how it may seem, are two different characters. The show tries to provide that Steven is his own person yet has to work out the complicated relationship of somebody he’s never seen and still knows minute about with her emotionally stunted parents, or his other family, by making believe that they’re almost one in the same based on pattern recognition? Say what? I mean we’ll get to this later... but let’s say Pink is quite the catalyst in this special and the uphill battle is only the slight incline from here.

So after Blue joins the party temporarily, she hides Steven and Connie in her boobs, they head to Pink’s quarters, the two eat, get clothed, and head out to get the gems back. And this is where I stop for now cuz I’m tired.

Continued in Part 2 (eventually...)

[fullmetalirin]

Fullmetal Alchemist: Episode 49

This is gonna be a big one. This is the episode that raises OG from good to sublime.

Fullmetal Alchemist Episode 49: "The Other Side of the Gate"

Envy delivers Alphonse to the leader of the homunculi in the city hidden beneath Central. Edward soon discovers the city thanks to a page from Nash's diary, leading to a final confrontation with Dante. Edward also learns that Dante is planning to transfer her soul to Rosé's body using the philosopher's stone from within Alphonse. She then sends Edward through the Gate of Truth and he awakens to find himself and Hohenheim in a wartorn London.

We open with Bradley giving his gift to Selim (a toy train). Selim behaves much more like a real kid here, I feel; Brotherhood!Pride was really overacting.

Envy knows Dante is stringing everyone along, but he doesn't care – he just wants to watch the world burn.

Envy reveals that 7000 soldiers were absorbed at Liore. I thought it was 1000? Al gets upset and feels like he should have died instead.

Apparently, Dante's secret city was the "real" Philosopher's Stone lab. Ed enters by just tearing a hole open instead of using Dante's method.

So, the underground city appears to be where Dante and Hohenheim lived 400 years ago. The Tringhams speculate they used everyone in the city to make the Philosopher's Stone, which seems to contradict the flashback in 45 where the city still seemed intact after they made it.

Dante is creeping on Rose. She seems to have been put in some sort of trance.

Gluttony is upset about Lust, but Dante waves him off.

Wrath is upset about Sloth. Dante coldly tells him homunculi don't have mothers, and he can't make demands of her because he's not human.

Wrath keeps leaping at them, but Envy effortlessly knocks him aside, building his credibility as the final boss.

Izumi's strength is fading against Archer as she coughs up blood, but Ross and Brosh rescue her. Izumi asks where Ed is, and Ross reiterates her thing about adults needing to believe in children.

Dante makes Rose dance with Ed. Is Dante planning to take Ed as her husband? Ick.

Ed figures out Dante's bodyhopping pretty quickly. The deduction that Greed didn't kill her is reasonable, but the rest is a bit of a jump.

Ed throws a spear at her, and she vaporizes it in midair. Ehhh, that's wonky but she is supposed to be the ultimate alchemist. She may still have some red stone, too. Ed uses that to confirm she's Dante, as she transmutes without a circle.

Dante doesn't give an exact number of bodies, but she says it's been less than ten.

Dante confirms they used the residents of the city, as well as "the nation to the east" – that would be Xerxes, I suppose.

Dante says Hohenheim was the one who actually made the Stones.

Dante frames her actions as virtuous, saying she's keeping people away from the Stone so they don't misuse it.

Dante claims she is no longer human. She does have homunculi eyes...

And yep, she just said she wanted to bang Ed – specifically, "Hohenheim's son". Why are you so creepy, Dante. I guess this could be an extension of her general hedonism.

Ed tells Gluttony Wrath killed Lust, making him BSOD.

Dante attacks Ed with a rock snake. He dodges and cuts her bodice, revealing the rot has nearly reaches her heart. That seems… fast. It's been, what, a week? That strikes me as a bit of an inconsistency, as she was clearly in her previous body for many years. We can perhaps fanwank that she botched the transfer due to running out of Philosopher's Stone; this would also explain why she's convinced she can overcome the rot if she gets a new one.

Ed… somehow deduced this already as well. He cites equivalent exchange: this is their punishment for their evil. And now we get my favorite scene:

DANTE: Equivalent exchange? Do you still believe in that childish theory? EDWARD: It's no theory! It's the law of alchemy… no, of the whole world! You're the one who said so, aren't you? That in order to obtain anything, it requires something of equal value? DANTE: That's something that only a child would say. Like "make everything equal," or "that wouldn't be fair." However, there's no such thing as equivalent exchange. […] To gain, something of equal value must be lost… In that case, if you reverse it… if you pay a price… you are certain to obtain something, right? EDWARD: That's right. That's why people put forth an effort to pay the price. DANTE: But there's something strange about that. After all, even if you pay the same price, you can't always necessarily obtain the same thing. […] Consider the State Alchemist exam which you passed with flying colors. How many others took the test that day? Spent months, years preparing, some working much harder than you? Yet you were the only one who passed. Where was their reward? Is it their fault they lacked your natural talent?

This moment is, to me, the heart and soul of OG. How many stories have the bravery to do this? To spit on the hero's hard work and natural talent both, to destroy the comforting fantasy of a fair world? To tell the hero that he is wrong? Because he is – Dante is right. But it goes even deeper than that. There's a reason why it's the villain who propagates this lie. In the dub translation, Dante specifically says it's a lie the oppressed tell themselves – and that's key. That's key to so many of the things that are so wrong with our lives, our culture, and our world. This lie controls people. If the world is fundamentally just, then what happens to you can't possibly be anyone's fault but your own. If you're attacked by a mugger, it's because you didn't try hard enough to defend yourself. If you're dying of starvation, it's because you didn't work hard enough to provide for yourself. But if someone else gains riches and fame? Well, they must have just worked so hard for it! It's ad-hoc reasoning: you see the effect, and then you say everyone must have done something to deserve it. And if you can get the people you're subjugating to believe it too, you've won. You've created a populace who will oppress themselves for you. Those people dying of starvation and disease and brutality, they don't deserve the barest scrap of aid, and they're leeches for thinking they do. Those toddlers ICE is murdering at the border right now, they must have done something to deserve it, or their parents did, somehow. Someone, somewhere, did something that justifies everything the oppressors do, we're sure. You can cut someone's throat and tell them they deserved it, and they'll believe you.

Dante actually proceeds to demonstrate this exact example by holding Rose's baby hostage.

DANTE: And people's lives are not all equal, either. If I just clap my hands, this baby won't survive. […] And if I do it, where is the world's balance in that? Does it mean the baby was only born so that it could die?

She goes on to bring up privilege as well, pointing out some people work their whole lives and still die in poverty while others are born into luxury.

I don't think it's a coincidence that it's also the mastermind of a violently imperialist culture who's saying this, either. Just world goes hand in hand with sunk cost. If you made a mistake, you just need to keep working harder to fix it. Because you must be getting something for everything you're sacrificing, right? That's proof you need to make more sins and more sacrifices because one day, somehow, it'll all be worth it and you can undo all those mistakes. That's how Dante gets people desperate enough to make homunculi. That's how she gets people desperate enough to sacrifice thousands of people for a Philosopher's Stone. That's how she gets good people to commit genocide for her. That's why Edward has been doing all of this from the start. It's the perfect lie.

This is what changes OG from just "a good TV show" to true art, to me. It's so incredibly rare to see popular culture or even academia address these issues so brazenly and openly. This is a message we need to hear. It's far too easy, especially in a capitalistic culture, to fall into this comforting lie. And stories are some of the biggest peddlers of the just world fallacy. Stories are designed by a guiding intelligence. In stories, everything does make sense, everything does happen for a reason, justice is often served in some form or another. We need to hear that sometimes, but it's so dangerous to really believe it. It's scary to acknowledge that there is no inherent justice to the world, that effort can be wasted, that bad things can happen to good people, that there's nothing to catch you if you fall. But it's the truth, and denying that will just hurt you far more in the long run. That is the biggest reason why I respect OG so much, despite the slow pacing and the awkward setups and the somewhat rushed conclusion – that's all worth it for this. It did something very brave and it deserves commendation for that.

In terms of the specific framing, I think Dante's character can also be taken as a criticism of ivory tower elitism; not coincidentally the kind of people likely to buy into the just world fallacy. She claims that alchemy can do so much good for people, yet she has made the decision that they are not to be trusted with it – she is, of course, the only one with the wisdom and intelligence to use the power responsibly. And obviously, this is a bald-faced lie – just an excuse to hoard all the power for herself. She cloisters herself, doing everything through proxies of proxies because coming to any personal harm is unthinkable to her, yet she slaughters people like cattle for her own uses. She claims she's ascended beyond the flaws of humanity, yet she's so disgustingly greedy and hedonistic she can't wait to kill an innocent girl just so she can bang her boyfriend's teenage son. She's a warning to all of us never to think our knowledge and class makes us better than other people, never to think that it excuses us from examining our own flaws.

Now, this is, effectively, the "final boss" – there's a bit of conflict after this, but it's not really a full-on battle. Cinematically, Ed vs. Dante is objectively disappointing, yes – they exchange, like, two attacks and that's it. But as I've said before, that's not what OG is trying for in the first place. The sphere of this conflict is philosophical, not martial, and by that scale this is just as intense as Brotherhood's final battle. Dante effortlessly dismantles the philosophy Ed has lived by all his life, and the philosophy the narrative itself seemed to be telling us. In the face of this, Ed is completely unable to make any logical refutation. That is powerful. A flashy fight scene entertains you and then it's over, but this is the kind of confrontation that sticks with you. Can you prove Dante wrong? We all want to, but it's so hard. You have to come up with your own refutation, your own reason to keep on fighting in the face of this painful truth; it's on the audience to truly defeat the villain.

[redhatmeg]

Friend from the Other Side Chapter 1 (a Disney Duck Universe fanfiction)

I’ve already posted it on fanfiction.net, but I decided to post it normally here as well. Enjoy some Gearloose goodies.

Title: Friend from the Other Side

Genre: Supernatural, Family, Hurt/Comfort

Characters: Gyro Gearloose, Scrooge McDuck, Donald Duck, Huey, Dewey and Louie, Ratchet Gearloose

Synopsis:  After another invention of Gyro Gearloose becomes failure, enraged Scrooge McDuck says couple of harsh things to the inventors. Later that night he has an unexpected visitor.

Chapter 1: The portrait on the wall

The door opened and Gyro Gearloose smiled a bit nervously.

“Ah, mister McDuck! You’ve come for the Beagle Boy Detector.” He said and let his guest in.

“Well, yes. Why else would I come here?” Scrooge replied, entering the inventor’s workshop. “Now,” he added, looking around the placed. “where is it?”

“I will go fetch it, mister McDuck.”  Gyro turned toward the storeroom and called after his employer: “Please, wait here.”

Scrooge wanted to tell him that Gyro should know his longtime employer will come for the machine he ordered, so it should be already in the main part of the workshop. But alas, the rich duck always knew that Gyro Gearloose is odd and sometimes very unreasonable. Nevertheless, he was also brilliant and useful.

Scrooge heard the commotion in the storeroom, indicating that Gyro was shuffling his inventions around, looking for the one mister McDuck ordered. The duck himself gave a sigh. His eyes started to wander around the workshop. As always there were various devices Gyro was currently working on – some of them were original inventions of Duckburg’s most well-known inventor, others were just home appliances people brought him to fix.

Gyro’s Little Helper was sitting on one of the benches and even though he had no eyes, Scrooge couldn’t shake the feeling that he was staring at him. So the rich duck avoided his gaze, looking at the front wall. There was a “Shh, genius at work” sign… but Scrooge’s eyes quickly caught a different object hanging there.

Right beside the front door was a portrait of a chicken. The chicken resembled Gyro Gearloose in almost every way – he had his nest hair, his beak, and sense of fashion… but he was wearing a top hat.

Sometimes, when Scrooge had to wait for Gyro to bring him his newest invention, he was staring at this picture. He knew the person portrayed there. It was Gyro’s grandfather, Ratchet Gearloose. And every time when Scrooge was looking at him, he was remembering his youth.

Ratchet was one of the first things thirteen year old Scrooge McDuck saw in the  New World – a weird, young man standing on the box next to a wagon, trying to sell a capsules that could clear a muddy water. He was working alongside Scrooge with boy’s uncle Angus “Pothole” McDuck on Pothole’s steamboat “Dilly Dollar”, and later, when Angus retired and sold the boat to Scrooge, Ratchet was his mechanic.

Scrooge was always smiling, while remembering the good times on “Dilly Dollar”. There was a sense of camaraderie between him and Ratchet. During long days on the steamboat, when uncle Angus was ordering him around (and teaching him everything he would need to know about steamboats), it was nice to go to the boiling room from time to time and simply talk with Ratchet, when the mechanic was repairing something. Ratchet could also make wonderful pastry and sometimes he was baking something in one of the boilers on the slow days.

Both when they were just two guys working under uncle Angus, and when Scrooge was the captain of “Dilly Dollar”, Ratchet proved, many times, to be all they needed to win. Whenever it was Blackheart Beagle or some other scum, trying to get to “Dilly Dollar’s” cargo, Ratchet’s quick thinking was making the boat go faster and saving him and Scrooge from certain death.

Then when “Dilly Dollar” was destroyed during their final encounter with Blackheart Beagle and his sons, Scrooge and Ratchet’s ways parted and, for the long time, Scrooge didn’t know what was happening with his old friend. He suspected that Ratchet became a piemaker or something. After all, he wanted a peaceful job.

So what a surprise it was to see him in Java (near volcano, nonetheless!). It was wonderful to see an old friend so far and his latest invention proved to be useful (if not a bit out of control, since it didn’t have brakes). Thanks to Ratchet’s prototype car, Scrooge was able to get out of the jungle and find a way to Batvia, where the sultan and his men were holding Scrooge’s two bulls (without paying for them!). There, on Java, Ratchet saved Scrooge once again, when volcano erupted. The noise could have destroyed their eardrums, if it wasn’t for Ratchet telling Scrooge, captain Morgan and the whole crew of Cutty Salk to put cotton wool into their ears.

Then there was that time they were looking for gold in the hills around Pizen Bluff. And that was the last time they were together. It was kind of sad that Scrooge had never met Ratchet again after that. And he sometimes wished he could see Ratchet again; that he could talk with him, remember old times, ask how he’s doing.

The funny thing was that Scrooge was 100% certain that Ratchet was in Duckburg. The proof was that Scrooge met Fulton Gearloose and his two Junior Woodchucks friends in Fort Duckburg. The rich duck learned about Fulton being Ratchet’s son a bit later, but once he realized it, he started to wonder if his old friend will ever visit him. During his early life in Duckburg, in moments when Scrooge wasn’t occupied by any investment, he was thinking about coming to Gearloose household and visit Ratchet himself. But soon the he found himself fully occupied by becoming the richest duck in the world.

And so he never got around to meet with Ratchet, and Ratchet never visited him.

This portrait on Gyro Gearloose’s wall filled old Scrooge with mixture of sweet nostalgia and bitter regret. On this portrait Ratchet looked just like Scrooge had remembered him – young, friendly, full of hope . And here was Scrooge – old, rich and bitter – looking at his deceased companion and thinking about past that will never come back. There were so many things he wished to tell his former mechanic… so, so many things…

“Here it is, mister McDuck… Oh, I’m sorry.” Gyro’s voice took Scrooge back to present.

The duck turned back to the inventor, who was holding a weird looking contraption. In many ways, Gyro was reminding him of his grandfather… but he just wasn’t him.

“With free three-days test run, as we established?” Scrooge looked at Gyro with raised eyebrows.

“Yes, of course, mister McDuck.” Gyro replied, visibly uncomfortable with this arrangement. Little Helper was even more displeased.

The best thing about Gyro was that the guy knew nothing about business. He was happy to do inventions just for the sake of inventing. It worked perfectly in Scrooge’s advantage, because he was able to get pretty useful stuff for only mere cents.

They took the Beagle Boy Detector to Scrooge’s limo to install it in one of the smaller bins.

It didn’t go well.

Scrooge had set the Beagle Boy Detector on the highest possible frequency (that – according to Gyro – was suspicious to everybody going through the main gate). Back then it seemed to be a good idea and Scrooge still felt fully justified with his decision. After all, you can’t be too careful with money, and his money were always in danger.

Long story short, when he tried to get to his Money Bin number 15, he discovered that Beagle Boy Detector considered him a Beagle Boy in disguise and quickly restrained him. Him! The owner of this money bin, half of Duckburg’s industry and this stupid contraption Gyro Gearloose spawned from his crazy mind! What a mess!

It took Donald, nephews and Gyro himself to finally disable and dismantle this blasted thing, and when they did, Scrooge was angry. No, not angry – he was enraged! And his rage was directed towards only one person.

“You!” He yelled, pointing at the inventor. “You and your hellish contraptions! There is always something wrong with them! They either malfunction or have some designed flaw! Either way, it always bites me in the feathers!”

“I-I’m sorry, mister McDuck, but…” Gyro tried to defend himself, however, Scrooge didn’t let him.

“No ‘buts’!” Scrooge cut him. “No excuses! I don’t even know why I keep employing you! You’re a disgrace to this town and to your whole family! You’re nothing more than just good-for-nothing lunatic!”

Something visibly snapped in Gyro. He frowned, took a step forward and yelled back:

“Well, maybe if you acted according to instructions I give you, sir, you would avoid half of disasters my inventions caused!” He took another step towards Scrooge, who stayed in his place. “And maybe if you’d respected me enough to listen to me, whenever I ask you to not do something, you wouldn’t find yourself in all those dire situations! But no! You always have to temper with my inventions, because apparently you know better than me, their own creator!”

He leaned closer to Scrooge’s face. Now they were facing each other, like they were engaged in intense staring contest.

“You’re fired, Gearloose.” Scrooge finally hissed.

Gyro, on the other hand straightened himself and raised his arms.

“Fine by me! From now on my workshop is always closed to you, sir!”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Donald decided to jump into action. He turned to his relative: “Uncle Scrooge, not all inventors are as cooperative with tightfisted rich ducks as Gyro.”

“Yeah.” Huey agreed.

“And it’s not like Gyro’s inventions are always so bad…” Dewey added.

“You could always count on Gyro’s help.” Louie concluded.

But Scrooge was still filled with anger and he wasn’t going to let common sense change his mind.

“You’re wasting your time, nephews.” He said and added: “Also you’re wrong. I could always count on Ratchet. He was a competent mechanic and inventor. I guess, expecting the same from his good-for-nothing grandson was too much.” He said.

He turned his back on all five of them and started to walk towards his limo. But then he heard the inventor calling after him:

“Grandpa Ratchet used to be your mechanic… but you also used to be nicer.”

Scrooge stopped and looked back. Gyro’s angry expression changed into more sad one.

“And let me tell you one thing, mister McDuck: there was a reason he never visited you.”

“Oh, yeah? And what was it?” Scrooge asked.

For a moment Gyro wasn’t responding. It was obvious it was making him uncomfortable for some reason. Scrooge, on the other hand, was waiting for an answer.

“It’s not for me to tell.” He said finally.

“Well then, goodbye, Gyro.”

It was too late for any business and, frankly he was very, very tired, so Scrooge told Jeevers to take him home. From the limo’s window, he could see that his nephews and Gyro were going to their places too.

All the way to the McDuck Mansion Scrooge was wondering what Gyro meant by his last words.

Gyro entered his house and hanged his coat on the mechanical rake that came to his aid. The inventor’s eyes landed on the portrait on the wall – a portrait of gentle chicken whose stories shaped Gyro into the person he was now. His grandfather was wonderful, kind and ingenious. Gyro always liked spending time with him.

Gyro sighed.

He really wished grandpa Ratchet was here.

Little Helper came in and immediately sensed Gyro’s mood.

“It seems that mister McDuck won’t be looking for our services, anymore.” The inventor explained.

He told Little Helper about the whole incident and it made him angry again. He was too angry to focus on inventions, so he decided to just go to sleep earlier. He tried to not think about the squabble with mister McDuck, and Little Helper was trying to distract his friend one way to another, but for a long time it didn’t work. Gyro’s mind was coming back to the events of Beagle Boy Detector and all the harsh words spoken by Scrooge McDuck.

In the end Gyro and Little Helper settled for reading book Gyro got for his last birthday. It finally worked and soon the inventor was enveloped in peaceful slumber.

Around three in the morning Gyro was awoken by Helper’s little hands, pushing him lightly. Before he could even open his eyes, the inventor smelled a sweet, familiar scent. This make him abruptly sit up.

Then he saw the light coming from the kitchen. Gyro didn’t remember leaving lights on. To be fair, he didn’t remember going to the kitchen either. This could mean that someone managed to enter his house without activating his alarms. Likely someone who was after Gyro’s inventions.

So Gyro put Helper on his shoulder and took the remote control for his anti-burglar devices and carefully, as quiet as he was able to, he went to the kitchen. Once he peeked through the door, he noticed it was eerie quiet and there was no one to be seen. For a moment he thought that maybe he just forgot to turn the lights off… but then he realized that the sweet scent from the kitchen was stronger. Finally Gyro opened the door widely and entered the room to find out what was happening. What he saw, astonished him.

On his kitchen table was standing custard pie. Judging by the sweet smell hanging in the room, it was the cherry custard pie.

Gyro came closer and sat at the table, observing the pie in front of him. This was his favorite pastry from when he was little and he used to come to grandpa’s place. Many of Gyro’s fond memories were about grandpa Ratchet’s cherry custard pie waiting for him whenever the boy felt down.

And now it was just there, on Gyro’s kitchen table. How it got there? Who baked it? And how did they know that this was his favorite pie?

Suddenly Little Helper slide down Gyro’s left arm and then tagged his friend’s sleeve to get his  attention. The inventor looked at him and quickly saw piece of paper next to the pie. He took it, unfold it and started to read the text written there in a familiar handwriting. When he was done, he didn’t know if he should be happy or scared.

Scrooge McDuck didn’t know what exactly made him awake in four in the morning, but he just felt uncomfortable in his own bedroom. Once he opened his eyes, he realized he wasn’t alone and quickly jumped into sitting position. For a moment he was just staring at the sight before him, not believing his own eyes.

In front of him, leaning his hands on rich duck’s bed frame was standing none other than Ratchet Gearloose. He was half-transparent and glowing a green light, but other than that he looked just like Scrooge remembered him.

And he seemed to be displeased with him.

“Hello, Scrooge.”

[birdthany]

odd for evania, even for tenny

Aw Man Let’s Go

1. Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?

You know perfectly well that Evania has only the one sibling to choose from, and she’s not all that close to him yet, even if he feels differently about it. :P

2. What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?

Good. Tenny was very much the doted-on baby of the family, and she’s always been interested in science- while her mother was a florist, and plants aren’t that exciting to Tenny, she still enjoyed learning about them, and she never wanted for ingredients for her experiments.

3. What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

Evania’s and Rusty’s relationship was not bad, but it was full of lies. Rusty is a loving guy who’d worry himself sick if he knew what Evania did to keep herself fed, and probably also try to stop her, so even though he thought for years that they were a perfect albeit small family unit, there was a lot that she was hiding from him every day, and it kept her from being able to really relax, even at home. 

4. Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

It’s not exactly witnessing something, but the disappearance of her sibling definitely shook up Tenny’s life and made her realize that the world isn’t all it’s cracked up to be in a big way. 

5. On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

I mean, you have access to her inventory, but the most easily accessible things have lately been Occam’s Razor, pieces of smoked pork, and her eye patch. 

6. Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?

Tenny doesn’t usually remember her dreams, but when she does, they’re often about trying to solve an impossible puzzle, or nightmares about being laughed at by people she wants to take her seriously.

7. Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

Evania’s nightmares are usually about either starving or being stabbed, or bad things happening to her father. Lately she’s also been dreaming about the Order finding her and Georg.

8. Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?

Tenny has never fired a gun.

9. Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?

Evania’s success at stealing the ancestral tuba has taken her out of poverty for the first time in her life. She hasn’t really adjusted to it, though, and still mostly behaves as though she could run out of food or money at any moment. 

10. Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?

More- Tenny does a lot of things that require long pants and sleeves, and closed-toed shoes. When you’re practicing casting a spell made of splashing acid or setting something on fire, you don’t want it to get on your bare skin. Her excuse for not wearing lab goggles is that she has glasses, but they don’t actually help much.

11. In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

Evania’s been very afraid a lot of times, but probably the fight with the kraken. Huge animal attacking plus mostly surrounded by strangers plus out on the water in a damaged boat is not a fun situation.

12. In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?

Tenny is most calm when she’s at home, reading- unless she learns something new she thinks she can incorporate into a spell or experiment, of course, in which case she gets very excited.

13. Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

Evania’s only bothered by blood when it’s her own, because it means she’s hurt. Although seeing Alexis cough up blood upsets her a lot, too.

14. Does your character remember names or faces easier?

Names. Tenny’s pretty bad with faces, she recognizes people mostly by other physical characteristics and how they act towards her.

15. Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?

Evania is, mostly because she’s terrified of being starving again, and thinks of money as a cushion protecting her from disaster. She’s not obsessed with making money, but she’s very careful spending what she has.

16. Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

As far as Tenny’s concerned, they’re essentially the same thing. The happiest people she knows are the successful ones. I don’t know if it’s even occurred to her that you can have one without the other.

17. What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?

Evania liked sports as a kid, so probably just a simple ball that she’d play with with the Valencias. She and Aspen also sometimes playacted using the tchotchkes that the family carved like dolls or action figures before they were sold.

18. Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

Tenny appreciates wisdom because she has so little of it.

19. What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

I think you know the answer to this one- Evania doesn’t trust people or let them in, just about ever. Eleven sessions and out-of-session RPing later she’s only just starting to trust one NPC, and still considers the party friendly acquaintances. This flaw hasn’t destroyed relationships so much as it’s prevented them from even happening in the first place.

20. In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

Tenny compares herself mostly to her family members, since they’re all much older and more accomplished than she is (even if Verity’s been disgraced since having done their stuff). She thinks of it as “setting reasonable goals and expectations for herself,” but it’s absolutely self-criticism- her oldest brother Erfling was in university at her age, so she feels like she should be too, all her siblings have always had more friends than her, etc. etc.  

21. If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?

Neither, really. I think Evania’s a pretty neutral realist. She doesn’t think highly of herself but she’s not likely to blame herself for things that aren’t at least partially her fault.

22. What does your character like in other people?

Tenny likes people who like her, and are kind to her, and are interested in what she has to say. This is a higher bar for Tenny than it would be for most people, but it’s still a pretty low bar, Tenny likes most decent people.

23. What does your character dislike in other people?

Evania dislikes people who are like herself- anyone who’s a good liar, not always what they seem, or able to sneak past her defenses. She prefers it when people’s deceptions and motivations are obvious to her- second to that, if someone’s genuinely good and trustworthy, that’s acceptable too, but she’ll still always be fearful they’re not who they say they are.

24. How quick is your character to trust someone else?

Tenny is the opposite of Evania, trusting-people-wise. If someone’s good to her for two minutes, she’ll assume that means they will be forever. 

25. How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person?

Again- in Evania’s mind, everyone is guilty until proven innocent. It can change if she’s close with someone, but very, verrrryyyy slowly. Like, so slowly you’d need a ridiculously fast timelapse to see any change. 

26. How does your character behave around children?

Tenny likes kids, but she doesn’t have much experience with them, so she always ends up talking to them either like they’re much younger than they are, or the same way that she would an adult. Some kids who she does the latter with like it, though.

27. How does your character normally deal with confrontation?

Evania usually tries to avoid confrontation, if possible, and would rather get what she wants by suggesting it in a friendly way, or sneaking around.

28. How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?

Tenny will never throw a punch, but she’ll have magic ready in half a second if things look like they might go downhill. She’s not into actual murder, though, she’ll try to deescalate the situation verbally once she’s gained the upper hand. 

29. What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?

Evania didn’t have a lot of ideas of what she wanted to be when she grew up, mostly she wanted to stay friends with Aspen, leave the city, and find out why she didn’t have a mom. She’s succeeded at 2/3 of those things.

30. What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?

Tenny doesn’t gross out easily, but she’s sensitive to certain bad smells. The smells of most rotting or spoiled things really bother her.

31. Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.

Fully armed, in a fallout shelter, with years of food and clean water, curled up in a blanket nest.

32. Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.

In combat without the ability to do magic, while her family is in danger. Although that’s less uncomfortable and more terrifying. 

I guess uncomfortable is more like, if Tenny was trying to have a conversation with someone she couldn’t read at all, who didn’t care about magic. 

33. In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

Probably a little of each? It would depend on the criticism and if she agreed with it. Being called untrustworthy, sneaky, etc. she would agree with, although depending on the situation she would probably try to fix the person’s opinion of her for her own safety. If she was called heartless, it would cut her very deeply, but she’d probably try to laugh it off. She definitely remembers all criticisms she gets, and tries to remember them- not necessarily to improve upon them (though I’m sure she tries to sometimes), but to keep tabs on how she comes across to different people, so she can control it better.

34. Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?

It kinda depends on how close she was to succeeding the first time, but usually Tenny would try something new. If it’s something goofy like she just flubbed a roll or something, though, she’ll try again, haha.

35. How does your character behave around people they like?

When she likes someone, Evania is more talkative, and tries to be helpful in their conversations, and cracks more jokes. She’s also much less accusatory.

36. How does your character behave around people they dislike?

When Tenny doesn’t like someone, it makes her confused or sad more than it makes her angry, and her reaction depends on which of those two it is. If she’s confused, like by someone doing a bad thing, she’ll ask for an explanation over and over again, trying to understand why someone would behave such a way. If someone who doesn’t seem like a bad person hurts her feelings and she gets sad, she’ll become despondent and quiet (unless she decides to try and win them over again).

37. Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status?

I’m not sure if this means social status, if so, Evania doesn’t care about either. She has little to none of either. If it means financial or physical health status, she’s very concerned about protecting that.

38. Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?

Tenny will set the threat on fire.

39. Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)?

Evania’s been bitten by several different guard animals at different points in her life- luckily for her, it was after she got her Wand of Cure Light Wounds, so none of them scarred. She really hates dealing with animals because she feels they’re very unpredictable- somebody’s cat might seem docile and asleep at first, and then the second you reach into the safe, you realize it’s actually someone’s familiar, and your hand is full of teeth and claws and the sweet kitty is calling their owner.

40. How does your character treat people in service jobs?

Tenny is very nice to everyone, all the time, including employees of everything, but she does talk their ears off sometimes. She’s that customer who’s very sweet, but who you wish would just make her purchase and get on with her day rather than telling you about her 8 million projects and her cat and her horse and what she’s going to have for dinner.

41. Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?

Evania doesn’t feel like she deserves anything but answers, honestly. Very little has ever been given to her. This doesn’t apply to other people, though- if asked, she’d say that everybody deserves food and a roof over their heads.

42. Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

Tenny’s had a couple teachers she really bonded with, but not on the level of parents, no.

43. Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?

Nope. Depending on Evania would suck, at least according to her.

44. How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

It’s easy for Tenny to say I love you, because she’s very full of love. It wouldn’t occur to her to say it without meaning it, because anytime it would be expected of her to say it, she would mean it.

45. What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

Evania thinks that there won’t be anything after she dies- just like before you’re born, the void, unless a necromancer interrupts it. The idea of not existing is terrifying to her. 

I did it! The End