#they would cut off their hands and sew them back up but switch em just for fun

[antenaa]

lil edit I cooked up for the spooky season OoOoooO

Used @tf2-pngs lovely cutout of the crazy old men <33

[co-habit-ation]

The Warren prepares for winter as fall sets in

{I put this on the wrong format first}

****

HABIT hopped onto his Horrors bed, which quickly startled the three sleeping Horrors awake. The first to react was Clockwork. She sat up and shoved the demon off the bed. “What do you want?” 

He rolled himself over with a grin. “The snow will set in within the week. You know what that means.” 

Skintaker spoke up. “It means extra work.”

HABIT just laughed in response. “Nail on the fucking head. For that you’ll be the lucky little fucker who gets to help me move the rabbits inside.” 

“Lucky you.” Clockwork chuckled much to Skintaker's annoyance. “What about the rest of us?” 

“You and Helen will be responsible for stockpiling water and when Jester returns I'm sending em back out for extra wood.” HABIT stood up from the floor. He clapped his hands together. “Now get to it! The faster we get this shit done the better. Especially since you all can die. ” He headed for the door, but when he reached the doorway he turned around. “I’m not going to wait for you, get moving Skintaker.” 

The skeletal Horror quickly left the bed and followed after his leader.  Painter and Clockwork shared a glance between one another before they both rose from the bed too. 

HABIT led Skintaker up the entrance steps. He unlocked and opened the grand door, which allowed the crisp autumn air to rush in. The rabbit demon took a deep breath. Then he headed for the rabbit farm. 

"Try to be careful with them. They’re so easily spooked.” He warned as the two approached.

As he came to the high fence that kept the rabbits in he took a turn to the left. Beside the rabbits home was a human sized shed, which held the rabbits care supplies. With practiced ease he snatched up a set of keys from a small hole hidden in the frosted grass. 

He tossed the keys over to the Skintaker. "You get the crates ready. I'll get them out of their huts." 

The two switched places. As Skintaker unlocked the shed a great commotion rang out behind him, full of squeaks and laughter. 

It seemed HABIT was having fun at least. 

Skintaker couldn't help but roll his eyes. He shook off the urge to look back and opened the shed. 

Inside were stacked rows of feed bags, crates, and empty bags that once housed wool. 

Skintaker grabbed two of the crates and put them outside. He continued and as he did, HABIT would grab a crate to push some pour rabbits into. 

The two made fast work emptying the hut. HABIT grabbed a particularly scared rabbit. The rabbit of course struggled against him. Evan's skin was sliced open by the rabbit's claws, which only tightened HABIT's grip. 

He stared intently at the wound on his arm. A streak of blood dripped down his wrist. His purple eyes seemed transfixed on the healing wound. A desire sparking in his eyes.

But before he could do anything, Skintaker wiped the healed wound free of blood. 

This seemed to snap HABIT back and he let go of the now dead rabbit. 

He picked up the rabbit again, tossing him into Skintaker's arms. "Here, eat this." He smirked. "You could use some meat on your bones." 

Skintaker groaned and placed the dead rabbit aside. A lurking cat quickly snatched the body up and ran. 

With HABIT back on his task. He took extra care to put away his favorite rabbit, a long furred black doe. Who responded by grooming his fingers. 

He purred at her and set her into the crate. "That's them all." He then waved off the Skintaker. "Go get some of the humans to help with transport. I'll watch them." 

------

After Bloody Painter and Clockwork had finished getting themselves ready they immediately set to work. 

First they grabbed the barrels,the cleaning solutions, and a hose from the storage rooms. Then they hauled them up to the kitchen. 

"It sucks that the water we store doesn't last too long." Clockwork lamented. "It always ends up feeling like wasted work." 

Bloody Painter shrugged his shoulders and hooked the hose onto the faucet. "It lasts us long enough for winter to pass." He gave her a cheeky grin. "But maybe since your complaining, I should gather even more bins for you to fill up?" 

She shoved him. He playfully growled in response. The two shared with each other brief but warm smiles. Then it was back to work. 

The two diluted the cleaners and scrubbed out the barrels. Each carefully picking out any dead bugs or dusty spiderwebs.

When they were done with the cleaning the barrels smelled horrible. Clockwork took a step back. "All we have to do now is wait." She sighed, looking up at her partner. "Are you going to use your sketchbook in the meantime?" 

Painter shook his head. "I'm waiting till we're snowed in to use it again. We could play a guessing game in the meantime." 

She leaned on him with a smirk. "You're on. Though don't expect to win." 

He let out a laugh. "If you want a competition, bring it on." 

----

Jester grabbed the papers from the human assigned to aid em.

"Is this everything?" Ey asked. He nodded his head. 

Ey nodded in reply and looked over the paper. "Seems most of this is firewood." Ey murmured aloud. "Guess that's why I have you. Let's go." 

-----

Later that night after the sun had set and dinner had been eaten. The Warren Horrors sat huddled up under a blanket in one of the storage rooms. 

Clockwork sewed new wool into her coat sleeves while Painter used his own needle to sew up a tear. Skintaker cut out squares of flesh and put aside the scraps.

Beside him HABIT took great  joy in chewing on the human leather. And finally outside of the blanket sat Jester, eir fingers nimbly working to knit together socks. 

HABIT looked between the four and let out a snicker. Bloody Painter cooked his eyebrow. "What's funny?" He asked his boss.

"It's just that I didn't know I had so many house wives." 

Clockwork threw her jacket at him. "Oh hush up."

Jester joined in with a tease. "If you're going to be like that you can weave your own socks." 

HABIT flopped against em, only for his body to hit the floor. "No fair! On both counts!" 

The others shared a chuckle. Painter pet his boss' hair. "I'll reiterate Clockwork's words. Hush up." 

[im-not-looking-for-forgiveness]

Anything with John or Tommy. Filth is good. Fluff is too!

Safety - John Shelby x Reader

Possible TW: assault, violence, graphic depictions

A/N: Okay so I just realized I haven't written a single goddamn John Shelby request on this wHOLE BLOG????? I know there's a need for smut out there, but I'm allowed to go fluffy for this one and I think my first one of our sweet John has to be just that!

Taglist: @sweetiekokkiri @haphazardhufflepuff @tarafaithe @mrsstevenbuchananstark @imagine-richards @hxnky-cat

*****

"Hey."

You rolled your eyes at your drink before looking up. At least it wouldn't hit on you.

"I'm not interested."

"All I said was hey. Give me a chance!" the man, sloshing his booze all over the counter, sat down hard on the stool beside you.

"I'm not interested." you repeated, starting a dangerous game by then looking away from him.

You were a woman alone at the bar and had been turning down men for a while now as you just tried to forget your past. You didn't think it was some extraordinary beauty you had, but rather it was that the men of Birmingham had become more brazen with their lack of control.

"You like to play hard to get, huh? I bet those other guys didn't see that in you, did they? Come on, a woman only sits at a bar alone when she wants a man to bring her home." he continued as if you'd said nothing, and moved into your personal space.

His hand went to your knee, and you immediately had to restrain the urge to vomit. Of the men who'd come on to you tonight, he was the first one to touch you that inappropriately. You shoved his hand away, and then wiped yours on your skirt. Anger began to boil in your chest.

"I said no. If you touch me again, you'll regret it." you snapped, hand subconsciously sliding to your gin glass.

"You like it." he slurred, grinning. The man grabbed the back of your head as if to force you to kiss him.

You immediately slammed the glass into his head before his mouth could get anywhere near yours, spraying glass everywhere and cutting your hand. Body racing with adrenaline and fear, you jumped off the stool and ran for the doors.

"Fuck!" you got out, pushing open the gilded door of The Garrison and going out into the cool night. The crisp air did nothing to ease your panic or the pain in your palm.

"Hey!" the creep yelled furiously behind you. Blood was running down his cheek, which gave you a small kick of satisfaction.

"Leave me alone!" you yelled back, placing all your bets on a group of well dressed men standing around a Bentley. Last time you ran from a man like him, you had never stopped running.

"You just came outta the Garrison?" the tallest of the three asked. He ran the back of his hand over his mouth and mustache and then cracked his knuckles.

"Here we go." the one with his hat pulled low muttered.

Recognition blossomed in your head. These were the infamous Shelby brothers. What were their names again?

"Yes. He tried to kiss me so I broke a glass over his head." you got out, breathless. You shook your hand as if it would help ease the pain. It just splattered more blood onto the gravel.

"You're gonna let her come with me if you know what's good for you." the asshole from the bar growled, pulling out a knife as he finally got near.

"Arthur." the man still leaning against the car warned as the taller brother inched forward.

"She's my date. We just had a disagreement is all. She's coming with me." the man continued, lunging forward and grabbing you by the arm. You yelped in pain as his fingers pressed hard enough to bruise.

Before anyone else could move, he held the blade to your neck. He ordered, "Stay back. I don't want trouble with you lot."

"You're talking to the Peaky fuckin' Blinders." the third man finally spoke up. He took the toothpick from the corner of his mouth and flicked it away. In the next moment, he pulled a gun and cocked it.

"You can't shoot me fast enough to save her." the man sneered, shifting so his body was behind yours and out of the line of fire. You pulled futilely at his arm to try and keep the knife away.

Anger resurfacing at the sheer audacity this man had, you realized that only you could get yourself out of this. The Blinders had been a good gamble, your only gamble, but now it wasn't going to pay off. You didn't want to run any more. At least, not from him.

With one hand, you shoved his arm as hard as you could. With the other, you reached behind you and mashed your fingers against the cuts you'd made on his face.

He started screaming. The gun went off. You were falling.

"No." you rasped out, curling up as soon as you hit the gravel. You pressed a hand to your side and it came away sticky with blood.

The loud thudding you thought was in your head was in fact Arthur and the third brother kicking the shit out of your attacker. You were vaguely aware that the quiet one was at your side.

"I'll bring her to the hospital. Deal with him." the man ordered, gently pulling you up.

You pleaded, "No! No hospital. Please! He'll find me."

"Alright. John, give me a hand. We're bringing her inside." he corrected.

The one called John immediately broke away and scooped you into his arms. You whimpered into his shoulder, "You shot me."

He snorted, but said nothing as he carried you right back inside the Garrison. You groaned as every step pulled on your wound. Your fingers clutched hard at his previously pristine suit jacket. Knowing your luck, you'd probably have to pay him for it if you survived this night.

Suddenly, you found yourself lying flat on a table in some back room. What the hell? Did you black out?

"Hey! Stay awake, alright? What's your name?" the brother whose name you didn't know was trying to hold your attention. His hat had come off at some point and you were struck by how blue his eyes were.

"Y/N." you said, realizing he was expecting you to answer.

"Alright, Y/N, you're going to talk to John while I sew you shut. How does that sound?" he told you, switching places with his brother.

You nodded as he went to get thread and a needle, "Okay."

"Hello, lovely. I'm John." the man said, giving you a small smile. You weren't sure if it was the pain driving you crazy, but he seemed to be the most beautiful man you'd ever seen. Maybe you'd already died?

"You shot me." you got out again, figuring you couldn't be dead if you were in this much pain.

He smirked as he propped you up slightly, "Come on, I'm a better shot than that. The fucker just stuck you on the way down. Don't worry, it's not that deep. And he missed anything important."

"Except for me." you grumbled, trembling as John put a bottle to your lips and had you drink. He laughed as you coughed on whatever booze was in the bottle, and laid you back down.

"This is going to hurt. Unfortunately we don't have any morphine, so try not to pass out." the unnamed brother spoke up, taking the alcohol from John.

John pressed a roll of cloth between your teeth, "Bite down on this. Focus on me, sweetheart. It'll only take a minute but it'll hurt like hell. Tommy is good at this sort of thing, so don't you worry."

At least he was honest. As soon as the alcohol touched the wound, a scream erupted from your throat. You bit down as hard as you could on the cloth as tears sprung to your eyes.

"Hey, look at me. When this is all over, I'll buy you a proper drink alright? No one like that will ever come near you again if you're seen with me. Okay? Does that sound nice?" John spoke gently, taking your good hand in his.

You nodded tearfully as Tommy tediously stitched you up. You latched onto what he said about no man coming near you like that again. That was all you ever wanted.

Sooner than you hoped, Tommy was done. Your side still burned, but it seemed to be leveling out. Maybe you'd make it after all.

"When you can get up, drinks are on the house. I'm sorry you had this experience in our pub." Tommy said, cleaning up the supplies he'd used.

"Thanks. I owe you a debt, now." you told him sincerely, knowing he didn't have to do this. He could have taken you to a hospital anyway, despite your wishes.

He nodded, then left the room.

"Why didn't you want to go to the hospital?" John asked curiously, shedding his jacket. He grabbed fresh gauze and then gestured for your hand.

Something told you to trust him. It was probably delirium, but you wanted to think it was fate. You chose not to run for the first time, and that had to mean something.

You let him take your hand in his, "The first boyfriend I ever had became my stalker. He wouldn't leave me alone even after I dumped his ass, so I've been on the run since. Moved from my whole life in America just to be rid of him. I know he probably didn't think to look for me outside the country, but I can't risk it."

John just listened intently as he wrapped your hand, and you watched his jaw clench in anger. Some distant part of your mind wanted to trace his jaw with your fingers.

"I meant what I said."

"About what?"

"You stick with me, and you'll be safe from men like them. I know what it's like to never relax." he admitted, finishing with your hand. He didn't let go.

For once, you weren't afraid of the unknown. For once, you felt a spark of hope. A man was offering you solace instead of fear. You asked, "You do?"

"Yeah. Us Shelbys are always at war with someone." he said, smirking.

You gently put your fingers through his as you thought of the reputation the Peaky Blinders had, "Sounds dangerous."

"Absolutely."

"How would I know you could keep me safe?" you wondered. Maybe to fend off a predator, you had to be a bigger one. A stronger one, with a pack.

"Because we're the Peaky Blinders. No one messes with us unless we give 'em permission." he told you, his chin tilting up with pride.

"I like the sound of that." you told him, a weak smile coming onto your face for the first time in years.

"Good. Now, get some rest. We'll tell Tommy tomorrow that you're staying. We could always use some help in the office, anyway. Can't say no to that." he said, placing his jacket over you for some warmth.

"Will you stay?" you wondered, trying not to sound as desperate as you felt.

He pulled up a chair, "Yeah. Yeah, I will. Johnny's got you."

You finally drifted off to sleep. And despite having been stabbed, you slept better than you had in years.

[thethousandyearwitch]

Eye for an Eye

A "Medical Experimentation"/Black Market Surgery KakuHida fic, because it came to me in a dream.

"Hidan wakes up after a wild night, only to find himself in an uncomfortable and yet enticing predicament featuring a good looking stranger and the miracle of Jashin. And maybe both parties can get something out of this situation..."

Rating: Explicit due to some gruesome talk

Ship: KakuHida

Words: 1702

AO3 Link

Nauseating Darkness. That was the first thing Hidan perceived when he woke up. The feeling of a room, that you’re not even seeing, spinning.

He should have known that this would happen, after the hot bartender kept pouring drinks on the house before he could even finish them. It wasn’t his intention to get drunk off his ass, but free alcohol and shallow compliments from some goth chick can change a night quite quickly.

Reflexively, the man tried to turn to his side to soothe his nausea, only to feel a firm resistance on his wrists. The restrictive movement called his attention toward how cold he felt overall, and how fucking uncomfortable whatever he was laying on was. At the same time, he could hear some movement close to him come to a halt.

“Hey, hey, I’m not in the mood for some BDSM games, I think I’m gonna hurl.” He slurred and tested the restrains again. A gurgle crept up from his abdomen, and the suffocating darkness still wasn’t giving way to any light.

“What the fuck.” A deep voice echoed, definitely not from the cute bartender that Hidan had hoped he took home with him. It wasn’t a question, more of a baffled statement. The young man wasn’t a stranger to taking men home with him, but this was definitely not planned, and the unclear discomfort from his abdomen that stretched all the way to his sternum was enough of a boner-killer that he just wanted to get a shower and a prairie oyster.

“Dude, just, uncuff me, get this fucking blindfold off, and I promise I’ll write you a 3page essay apology for the missed sex or whatever.”

“What- No, stop. Listen closely to me.” The deeper voice came steadily closer, and Hidan was sure he could feel the warmth of another body inching closer to his. “I am not about to fuck your sorry ass. You had some real bad luck, and drew the interest of one of my clients, who paid me to remove your eyes and a couple of organs.”

The spinning inside of his head only got worse, and Hidan let out a confused groan. “The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“There’s no blindfold, dumbass, your eyes are already sitting on my desk ready for pick-up. I don’t even know how or why you are alive; you’re probably banged up on some drug cocktail that cancelled mine out. But you’re going to bleed out any second. No hard feelings.”

Oh. He’s been tricked. Of course, free drinks are never truly free, but he’s never paid with organs before. First time for everything.

The pressure on his body became clearer to him now. He could feel the burning edges of an incision, reaching roughly from 1cm below his bellybutton up to the tip of his sternum, between the 6th and 7thrib. The foreign body that squirmed itself under his ribcage, wrapped itself with learned precision around his heart, that could only be a human hand.

“Can you not afford a bone saw like any other unlicensed doctor?” Hidan laughed and could feel the pressure on his lungs. Every muscle in his body slowly started to follow his command again, warming back up with steady relaxation and contraction.

“I don’t need to justify my expenses to a dead man talking. I don’t care about leaving a neatly chopped up body, and neither does my guy who’ll get rid of you after the job.” Something cold and sharp pressed against Hidans Aorta, a scalpel, he was sure. “Any last words?”

The pain from the incision gave way to a booming headache, itching and scratching the inside of his skull. Slowly, white spots came into his visions, like a night sky that revealed itself one star at a time. “Yeah, what’s your name, asshole?”

“…Kakuzu. Goodby-“Before he could finish his parting words, Hidan snapped his arms free of the leather straps that held him down, and he threw himself at the other man’s throat, toppling both of them to the ground. His eyes had fully reconstructed themselves, and away from under the surgery lighting, he could slowly take in his surroundings in dimmer light.

“This place is a fucking shithole.” The floor was dirty, the walls and even the ceiling were covered in dark stains, an oakwood desk near the wall was held together with layers of yellow-ed glue, next to it a beat-up office chair with scotch-tape adorned seating. His eyes wandered to the man he kept pinned below him, covered in Hidans spilled out lower intestine. “You’re not too bad though, damn.”

His hands were wrapped around the throat of a well-build man, probably a couple years older than him, with rich, sepia brown skin, black hair tied in a knot. He wore a surgical mask, but it couldn’t fully cover the ends of what was clearly a not yet fully healed Glasgow-smile. But what was most striking about Kakuzu were his eyes; His sclera was a dull red, and his Iris were a bright emerald green. “Why would anyone want my eyes when you’ve got the grand prize resting in your skull?”

Under Hidans firm grip, he could feel the strength Kakuzu had to use just to speak up. “What the fuck are you?”

“I’m my gods most favorite little bastard! Now, how about a little trade, ‘kuzu?” He shifted his weight off of the other man’s windpipe, just enough to let him breathe under a strain.

“What do you want?”

“My guts, ideally back where they belong. And in return- “He grabbed Kakazu’s hand, which until now had been busy digging his fingernails into the immortal’s arm, and guided it to Hidans restored eyes. “-I’m sure your client would go bonkers over two sets of eyes.”

There was a pointed silence between the two, Hidan grinning as his internal organs tried to work against the pull of gravity, tissue already trying to reconnect itself with a painful burning sensation. For a moment he thought that the incision would close over his exposed organs before he’d get a response.

“Get on the table. I’m not going to waste anymore anaesthetics on you though, or else I won’t turn enough of a profit.”

Hidan climbed back on the operation table, arms rested behind his head, legs crossed leisurely. “Money greed is a sin, y’know?”

“That’s fine by me, I’ll buy myself a VIP seat when I get there.” Kakuzu readied a medical sewing kit, and unceremoniously crammed Hidans intestines back into his abdominal cave, to which he squirmed in response, but snickered as well.

“It’s not too late to repent! Jashin takes every poor soul that knocks on his door with the correct offerings, and I have a feeling you’ve got what it takes. And I’m living, breathing proof of his miracles. Or else how will you explain all of…this?” He waved his hand around in the general direction of his eyes and his open wound, and Kakuzu swatted his hand away.

“I don’t know, I don’t care. Maybe you’re the result of a radioactive freakshow. Maybe I’m finally succumbing to asbestos poisoning. Now hold still or I will have to tie you back down again.”

“Kinky! Say, after you’re done stealing my eyes again, wanna grab some drinks?”

“Drinks is how you got into this situation in the first place.”

“I’m not regretting it~”

This earned him an eye roll, though more importantly, he realized Kakuzu didn’t say ‘No’ to his proposition. The surgeon finished the final stitches and gave his work a satisfied nod. He placed a glass jar, filled with some strange liquid, on a smaller table next to the operation table, and leaned in closer to Hidans head. “Now for the money-makers.”

“Wait-wait-wait, how are you gonna take ‘em out? You’re not just gonna snatch them out with your fingers, right?” Hidan fidgeted, though his manic grin didn’t falter. His chest was rising and falling heavily with rapid breathing, pulling at the fresh stitches.

“You really are an idiot. The eyes are too delicate and firm to be taken out like that. I’ll be using a tool that looks like a spoon, but has the sharpness of a scalpel, to basically scoop them out. Getting scared?”

“Are you kidding? I’m really getting excited now…”

Kakuzu huffed and placed one hand on the right side of Hidans face, using his thumb to pull the skin under his eye down. “No squirming, or I’ll take your teeth as collateral.”

“Don’t entice me, ‘kuzu.”

The sharp, cold tool slid smoothly between eyelids and eyeball, and without much resistance it curved into the eye socket and severed the optical nerves. In just a second, Hidans vision on his right side went black, and his heart beat violently against his chest. The pain was overpowering, searing, and exciting.

The surgeon dropped the disconnected eyeball into the formaldehyde jar, and switched hands to get a better grip on the left side of Hidans face. “Halfway done. Need a break?”

“Stop being a fucking tease…” Hidan breathed out, face flushed with excitement, fingernails helplessly scratching at the side of the solid table.

And without any further warning, the tool slid behind the second eyeball, severed nerves, and discarded it into the jar.

Back to nauseating darkness. All of Hidans other senses felt enhanced, he could smell the preserving chemical mixed with his fresh blood, he could hear the buzzing of the lamp above him, he licked his lips and tasted only his sweat, and most of all, he could feel the lingering warmth of Kakuzus hand still on his face, his thumb brushing over Hidans cheekbone.

“You’re a walking organ bank.” The younger man didn’t reply, too busy with catching his breath. “I could save money on anaesthetics and trying to lure idiots to operate on. I’d have any organ anyone could want – on demand.”

“I’m not gonna let you cut me open every day for free, yknow?”

And suddenly Hidan could feel hot breath ghosting over his ear, so close that cold shivers ran down his spine.

“Maybe I do have some free time for a couple drinks, and a little business talk.”

[neshabeingchildish]

Hensley & Char: Friends or Whatever || Part 1

@henryharts @junknstu1f @ciara-knightly @sunbeameyes @kiddangers @bitchmilsky @just-a-j-reallly

I only tagged the people who expressed interest and my known ladygaze. If anybody else wants in, just let me know in your review.If I tagged you and you want out, same. Thanks. Where the story starts, they’re about 10, because I feel like in canon, we find that Jasper and Henry have been friends their whole lives, but it always seems like Charlotte’s known them less time, and the earliest I can remember is maybe 5th grade when they’re talking about something happening with Bysh? It could have been earlier whenever that girl’s birthday party Henry nearly killed her, but I only watched that episode once and that was years ago, so I’m starting them here at 10/5th grade.

Fashion Exchange Student

Hensley didn’t know WHAT she was thinking whenever she went school shopping this year. Maybe about the fact that your younger sister, Piper, the one of the two of them with an eye for fashion told her that she was going to be popular for looking like a dirty lead singer of a 90s grunge band. Hensley wasn’t sure exactly what that meant, but it got into her head and whenever they were out shopping, she dared to pick out a couple of skirts, and more unwisely, to wear one to school the first day.

Her whole outfit was emotionally uncomfortable, from the moment she spent time trying to accessorize up through the minute she figured out that she couldn't walk in anything but sneakers. So, those cute boots that Piper picked out? Hensley kept slipping with them on. She did this enough that she slipped, and barely missed an ill-placed bench wet paint and got the bottom of the skirt touched by it. 

She looked down and behind herself and tried to cover up with her backpack. Why was the paint red? People were gonna think things! She was never listening to Piper again. Who listens to their six year older sister for social advice anyway???

She supposed she could change into her gym shorts… but that might look even stupider. "Are you having a crisis?" She heard a tiny voice ask. She glanced around until she saw where the little chipmunk sound had come from. 

It was the bookworm. Starlette? No. Scarlett? Yeah. That was it. "Nope. No crisises this fine first day of class…" Hensley awkwardly lied.

After staring at what was obviously Hensley Hart having a crisis, she decided that if the girl lied, she didn’t want her help. “Okay. Because you looked pretty put out by that red paint on the back of your skirt," Scarlett said, returning to her large book, her glasses in the tip of her nose until she pushed them up.

Hensley returned to her crisis. And a crisis it WAS. She took off her pink plaid over shirt and prepared to tie it around her waist… "We don't know what kind of paint it is. You could ruin the shirt too if you put it against the paint," Scarlett told her, not looking up from the book. 

It was one of those ancient mythology young adult series, Hensley noted.. unsure of why she noted this, but shook it from her head to ask, "As the only person here right now with a brain, what do you suggest?"

"Cut off the bottom of the skirt and wear the extra as a headband," she said, with a shrug. "Or turn the skirt into a pair of shorts with a set of safety pins… paperclips if safety pins are unavailable."

"WHAT? These are my new school clothes! My mom would flip!" Hensley paced, covering her backside with her backpack, noticed a little paint had been transferred to the bag and let out a tiny shriek that made Scarlett jump. 

"Do you need help, Hensley?" She asked, once again.

"I need all the help I can get! I normally wouldn't care, but people are gonna think.." 

"That you've had a menstrual accident."

"When you say it like that, it sounds even worst! Please help me!" 

When she closed her book and put it away, she pulled out scissors, "Headband option or shorts option?"

"I don't have any safety pins."

"I do."

"You just… carry them?" Hensley asked.

"I'm a very unique size where I have to either buy clothes for much younger kids and look like a 7 year old, or be swallowed by clothes made for people our age. Safety pins hold things in place if something happens with big clothes that I haven't properly taken in, since I’m teaching myself to sew and haven’t gotten too far yet.."

"Wow. That's. Very strange…"

"Headband or shorts option??!" Scarlett practically squealed, impatient.

"Shorts!" 

Hensley allowed her mini savior to take her into the girls locker room and changed into her gym shorts while she worked. "It'll look thrown together, but you can always just say it's an upcycle aesthetic. That’s what I’ve been doing all summer and no one is the wiser yet. Also… scrape the bottom of your boots against the concrete so you can eliminate that slip."

Hensley followed instructions and then changed into the pinned together shorts which… actually were pretty cute. The scruffiness of it looked purposeful and that kind of style generally ran for hundreds of dollars in the stores, AND scuffing the bottom of her boots made them walkable. She picked up the girl and spun her around and gave her a kiss, "You are a hero, Scarlett!" 

Being caught totally off guard by being whisked up and casually smooched by a stranger was uncomfortable, but the thing that caught her attention was... "Scarlett? Did you just call me Scarlett?" Her face gave away that this was in fact NOT her name.

Hensley winced, "Is it Starlette?"

The girl frowned, "It's. Charlotte." She grabbed her bag, insulted and began to leave the locker room. Hensley grabbed her bag too and gave chase.

"Hey! I happen to think that I was pretty close."

"And I guess that would be fine if we haven't gone to school together for years!" 

"Well… I don't think I ever had the chance to know it before…"

"I sat right behind you in three classes," Charlotte complained.

Hensley laughed, "Why? Were you stalking me?" She stopped smiling whenever her short new friend turned suddenly to look her directly in the eyes with her frustrations.

"No. I was seated in the front and every teacher always had to make us shift because you would either fall asleep, get caught texting, or consistently talk to Jasper Dunlop in class." They tried to make us switch, but you always picked a seat too far away from the lesson, so the person behind me had to go to your seat instead."

"You're… kinda uptight, huh?" Hensley asked.

Charlotte turned around, an angry looking little adorable person and Hensley braced herself for tiny girl rage. 

But, it would have to wait. Because Chloe Hartman squealed and came rushing between the two of them, ignoring Charlotte completely and cheering, "Ohmygosh, Hensley! Those shorts are SO. FUN. Such fashion sense! I'm impressed. And the boots go SO WELL with the outfit! I guess you're not gonna do the Hensley Hart uniform this year!" They laughed, with Hensley blushing and Charlotte rolled her eyes and left.

Chloe intertwined her fingers with Hensley's and said, "Come sit with us! You're a cute girl now!" Chloe took Hensley with her towards where she and her friends waited for the first bells and Hensley watched Charlotte throw her hands up in disbelief, shake her head at the situation and then return to her spot to read in peace, probably vowing never to help some idiot in a crisis again. But, Hensley didn’t pull away from Chloe or go to check on Charlotte. She didn’t really know Charlotte, and she had been trying to know Chloe better since they were 8. She just choked down feeling bad about this and decided to enjoy the girls who were swooning over her new “shorts.”

.

The day went by okay. The safety pin shorts were a huge hit. She was in class with Jasper, laughing and talking as quietly as they could, with a clear view of Chloe, who kept looking back to smile at her, when Charlotte walked into the classroom with a piece of paper to hand to the teacher. "Miss Page..  you've already been asked to leave a class?" The teacher asked, looking at it.

"Are you a teacher that allows us to answer questions?" Charlotte asked as a reply. "The last teacher wasn't and I was only asked to leave because he wasn't qualified to answer my questions about the lesson plan." 

"Take a seat," the teacher said, already exhausted by the infamous student who always knew everything. 

Charlotte faced the class and saw an empty seat in front of Jasper. She bit her lip and went to sit. "Hi, Charlotte!!!" Jasper cheered. "So cool that we're in class together again! Did you… always have those glasses?"

"No," she said. 

"When'dya get 'em? This summer? Don't you go to like space camp or something for the summer? Did you get them at space camp? OH! Did you get them FOR space camp??"

"That was a lot of questions, Jasper. Yes, I got them this summer. I always go on a learning expedition every summer, not necessarily space camp… but, yes, this summer I was at space camp, where I did not get them, and I didn’t get them FOR space camp. I got them for reading…" she said, flattered that at least SOMEONE remembered something about her. In that moment, she dared a look at Hensley, who was just giving her a small, polite, slightly still embarrassed smile. She was oblivious to the fact that Charlotte had been stewing all morning that she didn’t even know her name and just left her in her upset to hang out with girls that she knew would never have paid attention to her without Charlotte’s help...

“Well, they look good on you. I also love the upcycle look of your oversized sweater with the pins… Is that an homage to Madonna?” Jasper asked, cutting into Charlotte’s revisit to Hensley’s audacity. 

“Charlotte, do I need to sit you in the front of the room?” The teacher asked. 

“Yes, please!” She cheered. She knew it was because he thought that she was talking, but she liked being in the front of the class and Jasper didn’t seem like he was going to stop talking any time soon. Charlotte collected her things, chose a seat up front and said, “He said to move it,” to Chloe. She liked to sit in the front of the class to be noticed by everyone. She barely cared about seeing the board or reading the teacher’s face and body language. And to be honest, Charlotte didn’t really realize it herself consciously, but she was mad at Chloe for interrupting her discussion with Hensley this morning and just stealing her away before things were settled.

Whenever she went to sit by Jasper and Charlotte sat up front, she heard them immediately talking, “She’s kinda mean, huh?” Chloe asked.

Jasper said, “She can be, but I don’t think that she means anything by it. She’s just not used to having to talk to people. She’s an only child and doesn’t really have friends.”

Hensley said, “I think she’s nice. She’s known for being smart, but she’s sweet too. She talks like she’s rude, but I think if somebody really needed help, she’d lend a hand.” 

The teacher got on the kids for all of their talking and they quickly quieted themselves. Charlotte looked back at Hensley. All of the kids were looking at the three who had just been scolded, but Charlotte looked at Hensley. And she looked at Charlotte. 

Hensley gave her a half smile and waved her fingers a little, hoping that maybe she’d gotten over the whole completely not knowing her name thing from earlier. Charlotte smiled and waved back, then looked at her hand in confusion, like it had done it on it’s own, without her permission. She turned around in her seat and refocused on class. 

But, that was how Charlotte Page met her future best friend, Hensley Hart.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: pick me up Joe: rude you clearly did without me Joe: but I'll be able to do a twofer, yeah 👌 Joe: send your distress signal so I know where to point Ronnie: [wherever she's been working for a hot sec, I dread to think lol] Joe: you making a complaint about their cold-calls in person? Joe: tick off initiative on your CV Ronnie: my sides have split & it aint fuck all to the piss poor stitching Joe: see how far we can stretch your guts either side of you, fun Joe: did you self-sew or see one of your gun-wielding pals? different principle tats and triage Ronnie: then you can play a round of guess how much of this blood is mine, get yourself proper going Joe: too kind, stop me from charging the going rate for a while yet 🚖 Joe: what office supply did you use though Joe: if you were too cliche, you are going to have to sit up front and talk to me, proper cabbie punishment Ronnie: everything got nicked day 1 baby they werent about to waste any staples keeping shit on desks Ronnie: phone & a script is your lot Joe: there any drug we can act like anyone's calling it oscar on the street? Joe: you fully Joe Pesci'd someone with the phone, yeah? 👏 Ronnie: any gear that should go straight in the bin Ronnie: call it oscar Joe: you are wasted on 0 hour contracts, my dear Ronnie: not wasted enough for em Joe: join me at your local overpriced shit coffee dealer Joe: our bathrooms couldn't pass a piss test but they all only want the ⬆pers Joe: 💔 Ronnie: ill have an escort if you dont get a fucking move on Ronnie: you got enough student spends to feed coffee & doughnuts to the full force yeah Joe: say lucky you but security guards got as many hairs on their head as they got IQ points Joe: lot down Soho are decent conversationalists, unlike Daz and Gaz Joe: I did just get this terms though so hold on and you can help me 🔥 through it Ronnie: i dont get turned on by einstein & his pals mckenna thats your wank fuel Ronnie: easiest way to get a cunt off my back is to put him on his Joe: he only banged his cousin, that's nothing to waste energy on Ronnie: 💔 none of your cousins look enough like your mam for you Joe: why do you think i was searching Joe: daring to dream Ronnie: give a fuck about your nancy drew fantasies Ronnie: that schoolgirl shit is tapped Joe: the catholic schoolgirl uniforms have been overstated Joe: not all that in person, be the review Joe: nuns though, yeah Joe: enough mild peril to manage Ronnie: charlie will be gutted youve switched from homos to dykes Joe: you're the only one who's guts I wanna play around Joe: I'll break it to him nicely Joe: doughnuts, yeah Ronnie: consolation hole Ronnie: youve had shitter ideas Joe: it was yours, in fairness Joe: dunno about offering up my hole to every bloke at the met but if I put my foot down shouldn't be an issue Ronnie: i dont reckon a consolation footjob is gonna cut it Ronnie: not my first offence Joe: giving away how highly you think of my 🍑 Joe: what happened then, beyond telemarketing being worse than shitting out razorblades Ronnie: you wish you had 1 whitey Joe: says you Ronnie: if i had any curves theyd be cut off by now Joe: junkie chic before the habit Joe: some girls have all the luck Ronnie: lucky i need your bullshit heroics for this or id send you on a fools errand to sleuth the pieces out of landfill Joe: white knight > jester Joe: not my usual style, but for you I'll make an exception Ronnie: unless youre gonna say your horse fucking girlfriend dressed you the other night ive already seen it like Joe: you think her thing is budget kurt cobain? Joe: or that she's blind Ronnie: be blind by now if you catholics arent full of shit about touching yourself too much Ronnie: homesick for the horse & rejected by you Joe: what do you think its called Joe: my bets are on some boy band member she fancied when she was 11 and daddy was gutted Ronnie: or the 1st lad she wanted to meet round the back of the bike sheds Joe: you're such a romantic Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: im thinking like a basic white bitch from kent or wherever the fuck you said Joe: you do it well Joe: no way her school had anything common like bikesheds though so knocking a point off Joe: getting fingered on the hellipad is more voyeuristic but has less of a charm about it Ronnie: write a song about it Ronnie: shes gonna be charmed by the namedrop Joe: return the favour Joe: she's making me help her with her coursework Ronnie: plaster cast of your cock and then what Ronnie: tell her you aint no hendrix & its been done Joe: charlie wishes, whitey Joe: I'll cc 'em both in about my disappointing dick Ronnie: ill pass on gaz & daz numbers Joe: god I hope the plaster ain't dried Ronnie: god aint listening to you nancy Joe: adds up Joe: that kind of dad, technically always keep an eye but going in one ear and out the other Joe: 💔 woe is me Ronnie: irish catholics aint got fuck all going on between the ears she werent in it for that Joe: fucked me up with her shit genetics then Joe: you manage to get a pen? Joe: shove it in my ear and dig it out Ronnie: pull it out of my neck & you can stick it where you like Joe: we'll let the blood piss out 'til it feels right Ronnie: im the romantic Ronnie: shut up Joe: alright, you need to be conscious to woo me Ronnie: couldve fooled me Joe: dead girls pale in comparison Joe: 💘 Ronnie: the boners you lot have got for open caskets over there i dont reckon youve ever seen a dead girl the proper colour Joe: just said you were #1 but you've got to be 1 and only, yeah? Ronnie: in your fever dreams mckenna Ronnie: i aint looking that much like your ma however much slap i put on Joe: you're prettier than her Ronnie: now you want me to drink bleach instead of having a bath in it Ronnie: make up your fucking mind like Joe: just knew that would wind you up Joe: gotta bring out some cliches Joe: you're perfect just the way you are, you know Ronnie: drop dead Joe: god willing Joe: he's being fucking slow about it, despite my best efforts Ronnie: ill give it my best shot if you keep on Joe: another one for the cv Ronnie: find it written in my blood shit & bile on this wall Ronnie: thats your girlfriends coursework aced for her Joe: beats the lecture I'm skipping out on by miles Ronnie: no shit none of em are dressed like nuns Joe: none of 'em hate me like you either Joe: so damn likeable, its a curse Ronnie: i dont wanna hear about all your teachers trying to pet you Ronnie: childhoods over golden boy Joe: and all without me getting molested once Joe: by any nuns or teachers anyway Ronnie: 💔 Ronnie: why youre such an annoying cunt Joe: abuse really humbles you, does it Joe: builds character Ronnie: gives you something to properly cry about Joe: got nothing on the shit my brain can make up Joe: idle hands and all that Ronnie: yeah youre so special baby Joe: it's just being mental or not Joe: if you ain't, you can go through whatever fucked up shit and be alright still Joe: if you're mental nothing even needs to happen and you'll be worse off Joe: some of us ain't got a chance from conception Ronnie: tell me something i dont know Ronnie: poster child for not having a fucking chance & any mental problems they wanna attach Joe: you better pay for more ad space Joe: call it karma, or dodgy genetics Joe: but I make a great case for abortion Ronnie: like i said before not one that needs to be put to me Ronnie: had more of em than youve had misery boners Joe: won't make you tell me about 'em Joe: no way you'd be as descriptive as the furious pro-lifers who act like the baby is fit to crawl out when you kill it Ronnie: hot Ronnie: shouldve called 1 of em to pick me up instead Joe: condemnation and loathing is meant to be my thing Ronnie: sharings meant to be your thing too yeah? Joe: only when it's inadvisable Ronnie: only when you wanna Joe: if you got to play oldest you'd know that's sadly untrue Ronnie: stuck being the cliche middle kid between fitz & the other one Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: seeking attention and approval because you're overlooked and under-appreciated? Joe: it's why 3 is a good number, any more and you've got multiple middle kids Joe: maybe I don't wanna fuck my mum, just missing all 3 of my own so much 🙄 Ronnie: they wish anyone could overlook me Ronnie: & you deffo do wanna fuck her so thats shit on your thesis Joe: yeah, sounds just like them Joe: suits you Joe: like the basic white bitch thing Ronnie: go fuck your mam Ronnie: im too tired for this Joe: you won't have no early start tomorrow sound of Ronnie: didnt have an early start today Ronnie: thats what kicked off this bullshit Joe: fair enough Joe: who wants a cold call at 7am Ronnie: the cunt who runs the place will be getting 1 off me til he pays me Joe: lucky him Joe: might wanna stay in your debt longer, romantic that you are Joe: attention very flattering Ronnie: what im hearing is i should tell his missus some fucking fairytale about the attention he was giving me Ronnie: everyonell be made up with the lie Joe: could do Joe: like your flair Joe: or I could come in, tell him you're mental and that he didn't make adequate allowances for you but now you're too traumatized to come back so he should just pay and we won't have to sue Joe: might get damages on top Ronnie: who are you my fucking school age carer like Joe: i'm believable, and more palatable than you outwardly Joe: anyway i look older Ronnie: than what 12 Joe: you have a baby face Joe: i look like i've not slept in as many years Joe: which is pretty accurate, as it goes Ronnie: do i fuck Ronnie: i look like ive shaken a baby to death Joe: child on child crime Joe: shocking headlines there, like that scottish girl who was fucked then got out and was someone's gran like she didn't kill a toddler Ronnie: see how palatable you are when I kick your teeth in Joe: it's a curse Joe: if you wanna lift it and be my hero instead of it being this way 'round Joe: love you forever, like Ronnie: ill lift your wallet fuck the rest Joe: already offered you my money Joe: not even a challenge, soft touch Ronnie: like youve ever been challenged soft lad Joe: go on Ronnie: youre already going on loads Joe: bet you've never heard about the traffic in this city, have ya Ronnie: fuck it ill go lay in it Joe: 😍 Ronnie: save the pillow talk for when youre offering me somewhere else to sleep Ronnie: would let you fuck me for entry to horse girls en suite if theres a bath in it Joe: where's your bed gone Ronnie: its got a hysterical homo in it whos only gonna get himself in more of a fanny flap cause ive been sacked Ronnie: ill take the wreckage of a 4 car pile up or whatever Joe: gotcha Joe: how long 'fore he calms it Ronnie: how long are you offering to spend buying him drinks & cupping his balls Joe: i get it Joe: you wanna wifeswap Joe: not just her art assignment you're interested in Joe: but you can just take my bed, I'm always falling asleep on the sofa or up the table and she'll relish at more chance to watch me sleeping Ronnie: your room got a 🔒 Joe: yeah but you're alright, it's on the inside Joe: not going to get fritzl about it Ronnie: youd need more than that to keep me in Ronnie: which youd know if you were earning off dealing with my mental problems Joe: not giving you a challenge either, don't get hysterical yourself like Ronnie: you couldnt like Ronnie: bigger pussy than your basic white girlfriend Joe: oh god stop talking about it Joe: i'll be sick Ronnie: no stomach for any kind of challenge Joe: you crack on Joe: i'll stick to 🍩 Ronnie: not so needy for some clean piss that ill be licking her out for it Joe: you should write this song for me Ronnie: whats in it for me Ronnie: got all your spends on a promise as is Joe: the fame and full writing credits, obviously Ronnie: fuck off obviously Joe: that's how we know you're not really a middle kid Ronnie: more shit you can come at your ma with Joe: I'll save it for the next holiday Ronnie: 💘 Joe: what about your dad Ronnie: i dont reckon hes up for another go on her if youre there watching Joe: 💔 Joe: i meant do you know what happened to him Joe: you might have more interesting half brothers out there, what I'm thinking Ronnie: got no interest in little fucking kids Joe: so you do know Joe: did he come find you or what Ronnie: dont get jealous nance Ronnie: did it myself like Joe: he meet your expectations Ronnie: what kind of fucking soft shit is that Ronnie: get a grip mckenna he aint rich Joe: a no would suffice Joe: though it's adorable you really kicked it like Annie over it Joe: you could've said you had none, or you expected him to be dead or worse, a useless cunt Ronnie: why would i say fuck all to you about it Joe: too painful too private Joe: gotcha Ronnie: wank over your own parents when i aint waiting Joe: the fact you've not implied I'd prematurely cum in my pants Joe: you're so full of hope it's equal parts inspiring and worrying Ronnie: get out of my face before i kick yours in Ronnie: everyone who aint gone blind can see youre a virgin Joe: don't be jealous, sid Ronnie: you cant tell your older sister what to do baby Ronnie: that aint how this works Joe: it wasn't good ever Ronnie: course youre crying about that too Ronnie: fucking hell Joe: just trying to ease your jealousy Joe: anyway, you'll be pleased to know the lacklustre results were down to my lack of trying, not theirs Ronnie: 1 less dose of the clap & i might still be fertile now thats fucking worrying Ronnie: keep your status choir boy Joe: bit cliche far as fantasies go but alright Ronnie: you started it Ronnie: trying to make me feel special Joe: no need to try is there Ronnie: not now my gag reflex has been triggered Joe: like that ain't been decimated by now too Ronnie: youre learning Ronnie: your teachersll be made up Joe: hope for the molestation yet? Joe: nice Ronnie: ease your 💔 & limp dick Joe: calm down Joe: might get attached Ronnie: do your grades the world of good Joe: you wanna help me with my homework? Ronnie: youre that shit in the sack you still wont get an a after giving your teachers a going over Ronnie: unlucky like Joe: so you can help me Joe: what else you gonna do whilst you're hiding from charlie Ronnie: use your imagination Joe: no need Joe: you'll be sharing Ronnie: cant stop you kicking the door in Ronnie: its yours Joe: just the needle, not the bed, like Joe: you're fine Ronnie: yeah youll be between horse girls sheets Joe: don't reckon she's strong enough to carry me Ronnie: only has to strap a saddle on Joe: 😂 Ronnie: fuck knows what she would fill your nose bag with Joe: the surprise is the fun part Ronnie: dont come crying to me when its oscar Joe: if she was half as interesting as you're making out, might stand a chance of working Joe: as it goes, probably be granola Ronnie: stick her thatll make her more your type Joe: come on Joe: she don't look a thing like my mother Ronnie: fucks sake when shes under get a 🔪 Ronnie: do your best like Joe: i keep telling you i'm not one for trying Ronnie: trying not to cry is as far as it goes yeah Joe: even my kiddy medicine cuts that shit off Joe: ain't been able to since I was 12 Joe: not that there was much call for it, my perfect life with mummy dearest Ronnie: the other week before you met me then Ronnie: gutted i broke your streak Joe: you sure you ain't interested in little fucking kids Joe: rearrange that sentence and Freud is having a field day Ronnie: make the effort to get here before i start to rot Ronnie: not trying to make that cunts day or yours Joe: you'd have liked him Ronnie: he rich off peddling that bullshit to the masses Joe: yeah and he reckoned cocaine was the cure for heroin addiction so he really knew a good time Ronnie: sounds like my not boyfriend Joe: oh yeah? Joe: well his grandson was cooler Joe: he fucked kate moss when he was like 70 Ronnie: anyone written a song about that Joe: maybe pete did Joe: he was a painter though so he painted her with her kit off, obviously Joe: reckon it's free for us to give it a crack Ronnie: your girlfriend painted you yet or what Joe: she wants to Ronnie: no shit mckenna Ronnie: every cunt there nearly fucking went arse over tit in the puddle she was sat in at that gig Joe: so that's what that sticky feeling was Ronnie: her juices or charlies Joe: that's called mixed media Joe: potential bio-hazard for her profs though Ronnie: worst theyre gonna get off her is thrush Ronnie: never met a bitch so clean Joe: yeah Joe: boring Ronnie: i told you to kill her last time you started being a baby about it Joe: you can have homicidal, sis Joe: boring but harmless Ronnie: cocaines harmless after heroin you & freud are still pussy enough to call it a party Joe: why it's a cure Joe: get you from comatose to semi-functioning Ronnie: she could be a cure too Ronnie: cold turkey Joe: weren't searching for a cure Joe: am i coming in or are you coming out Joe: can't see you Ronnie: cause youre comatose Ronnie: gutted this ex boss aint a cokehead Joe: not far off Joe: he your not boyfriend or is that just what we're telling the wife Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: he couldnt fund your baby habit nevermind mine Joe: we going there first then Ronnie: yeah Joe: if we get your wages, we don't have to Joe: [come in boy] Ronnie: [a look like go on impress me by getting these wages boy] Joe: [when you can give it social worker chat 'cos what Tess does and the whole beeline of it all like you can be convincing enough that he's breaking some kind of equality law by sacking her without pay lol] Ronnie: [love that for you Joseph even if she won't let you know she's impressed and also lowkey triggered by that social worker energy] Joe: [honestly, lbr this man surely just wants you gone, won't take too much persuading] Ronnie: [literally and he's clearly in some way shady if he's 1. employed her and also 2. not called the police on her rn] Joe: [no leg to stand on sir, love this shakedown for you] Ronnie: [I bet they're all illegals and people being exploited] Joe: [its a mood, as in happens all the time esp. in cities, least you can hit him up again lads, long as he don't get y'all beaten up or something lol] Ronnie: [tbf if you do get beaten up that's a mood too] Joe: [yeah, when they find out you are not social and just taking their money lol] Ronnie: [love a scam] Joe: [the kind of nonsense have your mother rolling in her grave she's not in, love that we're starting that now] Ronnie: [I approve of the vibe, start as you mean to go on lads, all before you've made his poor flatmate wanna die lol] Joe: [poor gal did not ask for you as a flatmate let alone all this lol] Ronnie: [do you wanna skip to like when she's back and Ronnie's in his room or whatever because easy way to keep the convo going without needing it to be face to face] Joe: [works for me henny] Ronnie: [your turn to start boo] Joe: doubt she'll leave her room any time soon now Ronnie: 💔 Joe: yeah poor girl Joe: saying you got free reign, if you need anything Ronnie: i had it before Ronnie: not scared of her like Joe: nah Joe: what about charlie then Joe: or you just don't wanna upset him Ronnie: yeah terrified Ronnie: well sleuthed nancy Joe: that he'll get sick of you, maybe Ronnie: i fucking told you we aint the kind of family who get rid Joe: yeah Ronnie: dont project onto me Ronnie: we aint nothing alike Joe: i'm the one sick of them Joe: if anything Ronnie: yeah & he aint fuck all like you either Joe: I can see that Ronnie: youve seen him once dont flatter yourself Joe: and it's that obvious Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: what? Joe: i only need to know one half the equation to know we're not the same Joe: it's a compliment to him if fuck all else Ronnie: give it to him then Ronnie: hell lap it up Joe: i told you it's nice Joe: what you lot got Joe: but i'm not looking to get in on it if that's what you reckon Ronnie: take what you want pussy Joe: that's not your thing? Ronnie: what we cant both do it Joe: potentially Ronnie: dont remember you having any hesitation to share a needle Ronnie: grow a pair when youre not getting shot up Ronnie: maybe the dayll come when i dont have to spoon feed you the gear like a fucking kid Joe: i'd have to work out if i want anything but first Ronnie: yeah Joe: is it all you want Joe: the heroin Ronnie: mind your fucking business Joe: alright Joe: do you want to do my next tattoo or what Ronnie: i said take what you fucking want Joe: [come through with ink you've undoubtedly stole from your flatmate, also being more spacey/twitchy than normal like distract me gal] Ronnie: [love how old school & gross we're kicking this tattoo situation unlike when Ali does it] Joe: [which is absolutely the point, how your arms and legs don't fall off lol] Ronnie: [their other ones probably wouldn't have even healed yet cos lbr it's gonna be no time in between these interactions] Joe: [just loads of lowkey open wounds, like that isn't life anyway] Ronnie: [mhmm they'd be fucked already too cos they are so itchy when they are healing and y'all don't have chill] Joe: [all the reason for constant touch ups/ messing with so it casually never heals #mood] Ronnie: [I didn't think of that but I stan] Joe: [casual metaphor for your everything lads] Ronnie: [you know you can do anything to her tattoowise yourself Joseph she don't care] Joe: [probably doing some weird repitition moment you'd usually do on yourself which will be painful af excuse you] Ronnie: [she do love the pain you're fine] Joe: [good thing too, we're just here fucking each other up like this ain't gonna go anywhere else lolllllll] Ronnie: [way more #into it than I should be considering I don't  even like when people shout lol] Joe: [you babby, they are not, obviously we're getting and taking drugs even if she's too naive to know why they're in such a state, maybe they can make a dealer come to them when they're feeling fancy/have already had loads lol] Ronnie: [take a moment to appreciate how few clothes she is wearing rn and how much that means this poor gal can and would see like we've got track marks and self harm scars for days even before you start on the tattoos lol, you're gonna get clued in before she leaves hen] Joe: [honestly props for not running home screaming tbh babe] Ronnie: [especially when this dealer comes because he ain't Drew like he should be scary af] Joe: [lowkey makes you work for it even when you're paying 'cos hates junkies] Ronnie: [at least she can basically fuck him in full view for Joe's benefit because the vibe is already there haha] Joe: [i truly love thinking about what the hell you're telling the flatmate when she leaves, she's not that stupid, also must fancy you if she doesn't report you immediately lol] Ronnie: [she definitely does that's not just Ronnie's bpd jealousy shining through like did you tell her you were related after the gig or what even Joseph what's the narrative] Joe: [also, entirely unrelated, when you bleaching your hair 'cos it looks so much better lol, anyways, he's probably had to go with a troubled sister narrative 'cos she's the type to be sympathetic and it makes sense why he'd deal from her pov] Ronnie: [that's gonna make the obvious sexual tension awkward but yeah I vote they definitely do it while she's staying because same vibe as the tattoo sesh so] Joe: [ikr, when you're blatantly fucking this will be very confusing, you should deffo only be about 1st year lol] Ronnie: [are you gonna give him another different flatmate in year 2 or like none?] Joe: [maybe for year 2  on you can still have some like a house share moment but he's the one you never see and has nothing to do with you] Ronnie: [that works definitely cos like I was just thinking how could he afford somewhere on his own] Joe: [yeah, even if we're technically employed whilst in uni by the orchestra, it's not gonna be loads, and that's how London be even if you're not a student] Ronnie: [how long do we think she should stay for this time because obvs she's coming back again and again but] Joe: [hmm, like he isn't gonna tell her to go so it's on her for how long she can deal lol] Ronnie: [just cos I'm thinking she should leave because something happens/almost does and it freaks her out because she's meant to hate him and there's only so much you can play off as doing for shock value when you're blatantly into it] Joe: [that makes sense, clearly it ain't gonna take long for that to transpire] Ronnie: [yeah a few days is what I'm imagining, but like enough that she probably thinks nothing will happen because it hasn't so far, if that makes sense] Joe: [i'm with it] Ronnie: [how far do we wanna go is always the question] Ronnie: [okay idea time, hear me out hun, what if it's like an unexpectedly pure/cute moment by their standards that happens in the day to day because the obvious would be to have them go all in when they are fucked up but like think about it] Joe: [that's what I thought too though 'cos it's more impactful 'cos it isn't as if it's gonna start with a kiss when it does for real like it's all extra and them to cover that it's about anything but being fucked up, so that would shake you both] Ronnie: [so glad we're on the same page here, like I can't think of a good example of what I mean/think should happen but] Joe: [we know the vibe, doing something vaguely domestic before realizing what you're doing] Ronnie: [so she gotta run away and nobody is gonna know where she is or what she's doing for a bit soz Charlie & Bronson] Joe: [you wanna skip to that time period now, this hasn't been excessively long or anything[ Ronnie: [we totally can because we can always skip back/add it if we think of anything else we wanna do while she's there etc] Ronnie: [I've had a potential idea how to start this so neither of them technically has to bite the bullet and go first like if you give me a rough idea what kind of thing Charlie would say e.g where are you/are you dead bitch and I'll reply here like she's in the wrong convo lol] Joe: [that's a good idea boo, probably something like you can stop hiding now and an update about whatever the fuck he's up to in his life which you can make up you know the vibe lol] Ronnie: [I was just like realistically if they were both shook by what happened neither of them are gonna be like oh hey] Joe: [yeah like it'd take him a while even if he would 'cos not just gonna let this go that easy, so it's a solid way to do it] Ronnie: a real scouse ma's meant to shout down the street when its time to stop playing about Ronnie: lazy cunt Joe: I'm only half if I'm anything, and you probably won't give me that any rate Ronnie: 🖕 not talking to you Ronnie: got the wrong gaylord Joe: easy mistake Joe: you not got his number saved? Ronnie: if this was my phone yeah Joe: newly acquired then Ronnie: mine broke Joe: my condolences Joe: wall or pavement? Ronnie: what the fuck does it matter Joe: just making conversation whilst you're here Ronnie: if youve got something to say go ed Ronnie: but if youre gonna pussy out as per it got waterlogged Joe: you dying for the uni update like my ma is a top performance, cheers, like Joe: rice didn't work or you didn't fancy eating toilet water rice after Ronnie: loads in common me & her aint just a pretty face like Ronnie: dont know what kind of fucking 12 year old in a k hole at a festival you take me for mckenna Joe: yeah, it's a shame Joe: soph says save some for the 🐎s Ronnie: cold showers work better for misery boners than they do a suspected od but these fucking amateurs aint know jack shit obviously Ronnie: shame & shameful that is Joe: I'm a better sesh companion Ronnie: ill take the 🐴 Ronnie: whole or in bits Joe: seems the possessive type Ronnie: thats your bitch Joe: who I meant but I ain't claiming her Ronnie: bet shed be made up over a uni update Joe: bold of you to assume we haven't had many delightful lunch dates whilst you've been having cold showers Ronnie: give a fuck if youve been eating her out at any time of day Joe: yeah well I'm pretty gutted you've replaced me with another newbie Ronnie: stop fucking crying Ronnie: i aint running a nursery Joe: ain't the only one sounds of your reply Ronnie: fuck off Joe: reckon he's over you getting the sack now Ronnie: not everythings about that mary Ronnie: & he aint my keeper Joe: just your mum, I got the message Ronnie: he reckons he can baby me it aint the same thing Joe: he's older than you yeah Ronnie: youve got a sister other than me dont act like you cant get your head round it Joe: not really my M.O. Ronnie: special yeah Joe: she's got a dad and another brother happy enough to oblige Ronnie: i dont need to puke up my good time Joe: thought your stomach and nerve were meant to be stronger than that Ronnie: whatever you think about me is bullshit baby Joe: just what you've put out there Ronnie: & yours is heroics just warning you this aint no od like Ronnie: aint gotta press eject Joe: you're typing Joe: don't think anyone knows you well enough to commit to the impression here Ronnie: talking Ronnie: everyone knows idle hands are dangerous Ronnie: but that dont mean i gotta keep em busy typing Joe: yeah Joe: know the feeling Ronnie: its used to my accent & everything Ronnie: more than i can say for the live cunts here Joe: you in 💘 with your phone that's dead cute Joe: its worse when you're angry Ronnie: not in 💘 with kent Ronnie: your girlfriend proper missold it Joe: fuck off are you in kent 😂 Ronnie: fucked you over if you were gonna come carry me out again Joe: acting like you didn't ask Joe: if you're going to now, do it, like Ronnie: if you dump her back home who the fucks keeping the leccy on Joe: only got a baby habit ain't I Ronnie: what so youre carrying me out & dumping me where Ronnie: anywhere near & im taking your money shithead Joe: we don't need electric Ronnie: how will you get off on me wearing your mams face in the dark Joe: would hate to waste your hard work, obviously Ronnie: what hard work Joe: liberating my mums face from her skull Ronnie: be my pleasure Ronnie: all play Joe: alright then Joe: i'll be able to keep up Ronnie: big talk for a 12 year old virgin Joe: hiding it kent you can't talk or type about it Ronnie: im not fucking hiding Joe: yeah right Ronnie: plain sight baby Joe: 40 miles Ronnie: & Joe: if you wanna play, you're gonna have to give me another clue Joe: know if i'm getting warm Ronnie: [a blurry picture clue] Ronnie: 💘 Joe: they new friends or old Ronnie: waste of a question Joe: how many do i have left Ronnie: 39 but if you need that many dont fucking bother Joe: you don't wanna disappointed so bad Ronnie: you disappoint me by coming out the same hole Joe: that don't have to matter Joe: plenty have Ronnie: yeah but i aint met the rest of your happy family Joe: you wanna Ronnie: 38 now Joe: it could've been a statement Ronnie: was it Joe: 39 for you Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: you wanted to go to the beach Ronnie: that a question or what soft lad Joe: ?* Ronnie: didnt know there was 1 Joe: it's a county you know Ronnie: how the fuck would i know that Ronnie: shut up Joe: do you wanna go to the beach Ronnie: i can drown you in the sink Joe: i didn't put you in the shower Joe: or your phone Ronnie: youd have been made up by how blue i went though Ronnie: well like a dead girl Joe: yeah? Joe: what's it feel like Ronnie: youll get your own go Ronnie: aint holding your hand forever like Joe: gutted Ronnie: you wont reckon so when you outgrow that baby habit Joe: i'd mind if you died Ronnie: give you something to cry about Ronnie: youd be fucking into it Joe: nah Joe: people who've got shit to mope on usually don't Joe: enjoy it too much don't I, can't be having it validated, takes the fun out Ronnie: most dont reckon a happy end would be cumming inside their ma Ronnie: youd enjoy having a reason to celebrate or trauma bond depending on her fucking take Joe: our mate freud would disagree Joe: she'd wear black for the rest of her life, if that's what you wanna hear Joe: but counting it as a question, 38 Ronnie: why the fuck would i wanna hear that Ronnie: be boss for her if she never shifted her bastard baby weight like Joe: 37 unless it's rhetorical Joe: i dunno what will make you feel better Ronnie: 38 wasn't a question in the first place you just counted it cause youre a cheating lil bitch Joe: what's the prize and why do you want it so much Ronnie: use your imagination fucks sake Ronnie: why do you always want your hand held Joe: waste of a question Joe: 'cos I'm such a mummy's boy duh Ronnie: if shed let you walk into the road i wouldnt be answering any of your pussy questions Ronnie: 💔 Joe: be a lot easier for all of us Joe: i'll throw myself in front of the tube, fuck up everyone's day Ronnie: ill pick myself up from kent then yeah Joe: oh so you've claimed selfish have you Ronnie: no shit nancy drew Ronnie: fitz is still crying that i 💉 you up Joe: bless Joe: you're not claiming what got me there Ronnie: cant i wasnt fucking there Joe: then don't feel guilty Ronnie: dont fucking flatter yourself Ronnie: could care less Joe: you who's trying Ronnie: taking away a question if youre gonna lie Joe: not 12, not a virgin, don't need you to hold my hand Joe: i wanted to and want to Ronnie: made up horse girl took it while i was away Joe: yeah Ronnie: get yourself checked for 🐴 aids or whatever Joe: could care less is right Ronnie: bullshit youll be gutted if you dick falls off before you put it in your ma Joe: talking about how much you do Ronnie: what are big sisters for Ronnie: ask the other one & hell stutter round how much i dont too Joe: it's not the same Ronnie: you aint special mckenna how many times Ronnie: let your ma feed you that bullshit Ronnie: & fuck knows what youve already caught from my blood Joe: bit late for warnings Ronnie: you had one first time we met like Ronnie: got eyes Joe: exactly Joe: i'm not gonna take the hint Ronnie: too subtle for you yeah Joe: if you think you could be any more blatant Joe: have fun trying Ronnie: i am Ronnie: kent dont know what hit it Joe: i bet Joe: where have you been but some strangers doss house then Joe: and that is a question Ronnie: fuck knows Ronnie: been a blur Joe: you know its about 1,500 square miles yeah Joe: remember one landmark Ronnie: you know youre only getting any fucking answers cause im coming down Joe: we don't have to play this game Joe: if you tell me where you are, you'll be picked up quicker and then you can get whatever you need Ronnie: [a location, lord only knows] Joe: alright Ronnie: for you getting high of your bullshit heroics Joe: if it makes you feel better that you need rescuing Ronnie: do i fuck Joe: then you just wanna see me Joe: either way Ronnie: shut up Joe: what's better for you? Ronnie: your money then your life Joe: very adam ant Joe: and can be arranged Joe: even though you don't have a horse or a car so I'm more of a highwayman than you Ronnie: i aint getting on your gilfriends horse i know where its been Joe: 😏 Joe: you can just admit she's more up for it than you Ronnie: admit youre fucking brain damaged Ronnie: let her be up for hand holding & playing house Joe: what are big sisters for Ronnie: beating the shit out of you Joe: look forward to it Ronnie: yeah youve missed me Joe: not afraid to say it Ronnie: write a song about it Ronnie: no names & you can play it for any bitch Joe: thanks for the hot tip Joe: kill some time on this drive Ronnie: shouldve stuck your judy in the boot Ronnie: be eye spy & red car the whole fucking way Joe: haven't put the plastic sheet down Joe: 💔 short notice Ronnie: so torch it Ronnie: i know youve always got a lighter on you Joe: what gave it away Ronnie: ive got eyes baby Joe: try not to wear it on my sleeve though Ronnie: done a shit job there Joe: why do you show yours off Ronnie: whats the point of only feeling it on the inside Joe: doing it is feeling it on the outside Ronnie: im what they fucking made me they can look at it Joe: that makes sense Joe: yeah Ronnie: what the hell are you scared of Joe: I dunno Joe: doesn't feel like fear Joe: blending in or disappearing has always been preferable Ronnie: & you have the balls to reckon im hiding here Joe: it ain't hiding if no fucker's looking Joe: easier for them and me, like Ronnie: if you gave a shit about easier you wouldnt have looked for me Joe: it was last-ditch attempt Joe: see if you were the same, like all of them too Joe: or not Joe: and you're not Ronnie: cause she ditched me Joe: maybe Ronnie: i didnt have the luxury of blending in Joe: it's not a luxury Ronnie: not when you have it Ronnie: care kids dont Joe: not at all Joe: it was a necessity to not blow my brains out and all i ended up was cracked and wishing i had Joe: you didn't have a family to not belong in Ronnie: & you did em such a massive fucking favour by not ending it all yeah Ronnie: i dont know you or fucking care & i can tell youre desperate to Joe: if she can't get over you, and she never stuck around to know you Joe: it's fuck all to do with the person and everything to do with the label Joe: son, brother Joe: you're meant to care even if life is better or basically the same without Ronnie: good fucking thing i like downers Ronnie: youd ruin an e Joe: cheers Ronnie: get over her for fucks sake Ronnie: keep saying youre not 12 Joe: didn't have that luxury Ronnie: loads more cunts willing to fuck you over Ronnie: live a little like Joe: yeah that'll make it worth it Joe: dead inspirational Ronnie: try your other sister Joe: i'm sure she'd have even more helpful advice Ronnie: take it then Ronnie: ill kill you before i give you a reason to live Joe: you know i ain't fucking looking for one Ronnie: yeah Joe: you need anything Ronnie: i didnt tell you were to get fuck all out of it Joe: apart from a lift Ronnie: what do you reckon Joe: kk Ronnie: 💘 Joe: still not healed Joe: also looks like jobn now Ronnie: anything to make you feel special baby Joe: what I reckon Ronnie: i didnt reckon ocd made you that delusional Ronnie: but when you change it to say jobs youll blend right in Joe: not quite as fitting as when johnny did it Ronnie: whats your girlfriends name Joe: i'll find one to make it fit Joe: josie or jody maybe Ronnie: 💔 no decent gear has a girls name Joe: girls like to party not nod out Joe: gutted Ronnie: ive got a lads name i get why youre confused Joe: you didn't wanna change it Ronnie: you offering up the cash Joe: bit of a waste Joe: just for the paperwork Ronnie: yeah it is Joe: you dunno what to pick Ronnie: swear words aint allowed Joe: don't matter if you're just doing it, telling new people it's your name like Ronnie: not an underage tranny Joe: right Ronnie: bit fucking late now Joe: youre attached Ronnie: i dont care Joe: yeah Ronnie: not what i hate her for Joe: it's a lesser sin Joe: and not the worst name Ronnie: if thats your way of trying to namedrop the others, dont Joe: why would I Ronnie: i dont know you cant really answer why youd do fuck all Joe: i don't need to ask if you want to know them Ronnie: like their names are gonna tell me who they are Joe: like you care Ronnie: like thats ever stopped you Joe: I can't un-find you Joe: but I'm not going to force you to meet any of them or know any more than what's been said Ronnie: no fixed address remember Ronnie: cant make it much fucking easier for you Joe: no, you can't Ronnie: stop crying then Ronnie: you can do better than a car crash Joe: do better Ronnie: yeah like washing up on the beach Ronnie: keep every cunt guessing how you died Joe: see how many beaches I can end up on Ronnie: dead romantic Joe: you can have fun with the hacksaw anyway Joe: least I could do Ronnie: you dont owe me Joe: i do Ronnie: for what Joe: for finding you when you didn't want finding Ronnie: you got the wrong bastard Ronnie: loads of others would be made up Joe: would they? Joe: regardless, I did it for me Ronnie: fuck off trying to take selfish off me Joe: 😏 Ronnie: been a few days since ive used a phone as a weapon Ronnie: keep on if you want it chucked at you Joe: you've promised better than that Ronnie: course you cant last through the foreplay Joe: alright, romantic Ronnie: you fucking wish soft lad Joe: you wish i wished Ronnie: i fucking dont Joe: alright Ronnie: keep the 🕯🌹 for your girlfriend like Ronnie: fuck all i can do with soft Joe: lighters and poppies suit me better as well Ronnie: next tattoos then Ronnie: dont know if itll look like a poppy but fuck it Ronnie: ill cut it out if you dont like it Joe: even if we avoid the sleeve, still a lot of skin to ruin Joe: are you just going over now Ronnie: waste of a question Ronnie: theres fuck all you can do Joe: what, my scribbles weren't a masterpiece compared to your boyfriends Ronnie: told you get what you pay for mckenna Ronnie: & that i dont get hard for mozart & the like Joe: weren't gonna score a symphony on you but alright Joe: no touching Ronnie: 💔 Ronnie: you & your baby habit dont score Joe: just pays Ronnie: dead comforting when i get robbed & left in a kent ditch Joe: it'll be the nicest ditch you've ever been in Ronnie: squatters rights Joe: my bed ain't comfy enough Ronnie: its the fact that its yours making me wanna hang myself with a sheet Ronnie: should say its too soft like you though shouldnt i Ronnie: gutted i fucked that up like Ronnie: we were playing so nice Joe: yeah, goldilocks suits Ronnie: unless your hair has fallen out Joe: I've not pulled it out either Joe: or soph, like Ronnie: not enough like a mane for her Joe: 💔 Joe: if only she'd have known me a few years ago Ronnie: get the family album out shell be made up Joe: shed a tear over our lack of horse Joe: sympathy fuck is better than none yeah Ronnie: the lack of me will really get her going Ronnie: had the pity eye fuck soon as i showed up Joe: she's an empath, babe, why she's so good at art Joe: lack of you might be an issue for me though Ronnie: another word for nosy cunt Joe: undoubtedly Joe: if i could sum up what was wrong with me for her I would Joe: but guess she likes the guessing Ronnie: if she was scouse shed just fucking come out with it Joe: gobshites, yeah Ronnie: what you get for having girlfriends who aint even wool Ronnie: self hatred making you go posh about it Joe: my last actual girlfriend was Ronnie: & youre claiming her Joe: not still writing songs about her Joe: well, never was Ronnie: shell still be 💔 Joe: nah Ronnie: you keep her waiting this long or am i that special Joe: you don't even know how far you've gone from london Joe: you're nearly 2 hours away Ronnie: if youre sticking to the speed limit Ronnie: stop being a pussy Joe: meet me and the car in the next ditch over Ronnie: more hand holding for fucks sake Joe: more than that if you want that lift Joe: have to drag the car out and hotwire it Joe: scrape me off the windshield Ronnie: i told you to stop getting me & what im into Joe: maybe i'm trying really hard Ronnie: far as hurting yourself goes thats the shittest way to have a go Joe: 💔 too weak Ronnie: keep your limp wrists on the steering wheel Ronnie: i wanna get out of here Joe: 😏 Joe: in a bit then Joe: got speeding to do and if you won't shut up Ronnie: youd have to try harder to make me Ronnie: that aint fucking likely Joe: only have to ask Joe: not nice or nothing Ronnie: i dont ask for handouts theyre given to me on account of all those mental problems ive got Joe: wouldn't it be nice to be the one doing the charity work for once Ronnie: if thats the only high youre offering me turn the fuck around Joe: not that daft Ronnie: your ma tell you that Joe: loads Ronnie: her judgements for shit not getting rid of us both with a hanger Joe: agreed Ronnie: dont put a kid in her shed only keep that one too Joe: still raising the last one Ronnie: like thatd stop her Ronnie: no fucking time wasted Joe: she did stop Joe: hence the 9 year gap oopsie baby Ronnie: reckon shed know what causes it by then Joe: Ireland got to her I guess Ronnie: dead keen for my invite now Joe: put it across as a valid form of contraception Joe: chlamydia Joe: they'd go for it Ronnie: worked for me Joe: postergirl Ronnie: 💔 there was no need to sew myself up Ronnie: be more fun than whichever fuck gave me it Joe: god willing Ronnie: your catholic one would be dead willing Joe: you're thinking of the wrong over-zealous christian country Ronnie: not on the right drugs for that kind of bullshit thinking Joe: 🍄 Joe: look out for cowshit whilst you're waiting Ronnie: that determined for me to see the sights yeah Joe: can't waste such an opportunity Ronnie: 🖕 watch me Joe: kent only comes calling so many times, like Joe: your choice Ronnie: shell be taking you every time uni gives you time off Joe: i'm good for it Ronnie: its well cute that you reckon youve got any say Ronnie: possessive type i heard Joe: 😏 Ronnie: she changed the 🔒 on your room yet Joe: keep you in or out? Ronnie: reckon it ended at the pity eye fuck for me & her Joe: 💔 Ronnie: yeah Joe: i'll talk her 'round for you Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: i dont need you to translate for me Ronnie: we got the money your carer role is over Joe: it's all in the eyes, I heard you Joe: not patronizing on your deep relationship Ronnie: shut up Joe: 🤐 Ronnie: & drive faster Joe: 👌 Ronnie: fucking hell i can see why shes fucking obsessed with you Joe: if you want chat Joe: definitely in the wrong place Joe: she don't need to know my ears aren't listening to hers Ronnie: she already knows you do what youre told without talking back Ronnie: like a battered wife Joe: anything for an easy 💀 Ronnie: youre coming to the right place for that Ronnie: but i wont tell her Joe: it's not a reportable crime Ronnie: im not a snitch & i can wear shades if she tries to eye fuck her way to finding fuck all out Joe: dunno if that's enough of a disguise but I don't care Joe: a habit, she could say something about that Joe: but the rest Ronnie: what rest Ronnie: you only want a habit Joe: speak for yourself Ronnie: im echoing you Ronnie: you fucking said it Joe: you know it's not true though Ronnie: youre full of shit yeah Joe: yeah Joe: you too if you wanna pretend about it Ronnie: i dont play pretend im not a fucking kid Joe: good Joe: then you know what's happening here Ronnie: [a picture or video of whatever is happening where she is, lord knows] Joe: you don't have to reciprocate, dickhead Joe: no need to try and make me crash Ronnie: thought youd grown a set of balls & had em drop while ive been here Ronnie: what it sounded like Joe: how olds the other one Joe: he looks younger than me Ronnie: didnt do a survey Joe: I mean your mate, I don't know his name Joe: not Charlie Ronnie: 17 Joe: he must've been a baby when you met, like Ronnie: whats your point Joe: ain't got one Joe: just wondering Ronnie: youre not his type Joe: he's not mine Ronnie: stop wondering then Joe: why? Ronnie: hes fuck all to do with you Ronnie: your mam didnt push him out Joe: not trying to get to know him over you Ronnie: then why do you care Joe: same age as my brother Joe: and the girl my parents took in, one of Joe: that's it Ronnie: here we fucking go Ronnie: you said you werent gonna do that Joe: you kept asking Ronnie: cause i dont want you fucking nonce my brother Ronnie: give a fuck about yours Joe: 'cos you think I would, alright Joe: don't be stupid Ronnie: i dont know what youd do Ronnie: dont fucking know you Joe: well I'm straight and entirely uninterested Ronnie: youre also full of shit Joe: why do you give a fuck Joe: I'm only a year older, if I wanted to, I would Ronnie: why do i give a fuck that you lied to me or about him Ronnie: go ed & wonder about it Joe: it weren't a lie Joe: shit changes Ronnie: i dont wanna hear about them that aint gonna change Joe: fine Ronnie: fuck you Joe: also fine Joe: sorry, alright Joe: it means fuck all Ronnie: its not fine Ronnie: & it means im gonna be running comparisons in my head Joe: just forget about it Joe: of course they're all around my age ish, it don't mean you know any more about them Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: it don't matter Ronnie: cause you get to tell me what matters too yeah Joe: come on Ronnie: you dont or what to fucking do either Joe: then what Joe: I said it, I said sorry Joe: you do what you must Ronnie: go home & give horse girl your sorry Joe: fuck that Joe: you still need to get back to London and I'm nearly there Ronnie: i got here i can leave here Joe: bullshit Ronnie: you wish Joe: well I'm still coming Ronnie: i dont care Ronnie: youve been going on about how big it is Ronnie: stay the fuck away from me Joe: Jesus fucking christ don't be such a pussy Ronnie: you fucking wish Joe: whatever Joe: this is going nowhere right now Joe: you know where to find me when you wanna actually do something about it Ronnie: your half arsed self destruction is going nowhere Ronnie: do something about that your fucking self instead of trying to bait me Joe: I'm still on my way Ronnie: kents full of real pussys you can save Ronnie: youll 💘 it Joe: I don't give a fuck, Ronnie Ronnie: why are you crying Ronnie: you fucked me over Joe: because this is a waste of time Ronnie: youre a junkie now get used to it Joe: at least I've got that Ronnie: youre welcome baby Joe: good luck finding decent shit in kent Ronnie: not going with you dont mean im staying here Joe: but I've got mine already Ronnie: you can have selfish Joe: I told you I was bringing more for you Joe: if you can get over it you can have your share Ronnie: ill take it over it not Ronnie: *or Ronnie: you cant fucking stop me Joe: say you want me to come then Joe: i know where you are, not the other way 'round Ronnie: youre the liar mckenna Ronnie: i dont want you to be anywhere Joe: then why should I come and share Joe: that's a question Ronnie: you love heroics Joe: [show up at this point] Ronnie: [what a fun little reunion that'll be] Joe: [so, we know the vibes but also do we wanna pitch it out] Ronnie: [we totally can for our own amusement/in case a moment or something happens again] Joe: [so obviously he gets there and she's gonna be fuming hens, yeah?] Ronnie: [she gonna fight him lol enjoy that random peeps] Ronnie: [but that works cos like if someone takes that seriously instead of realising we just flirting with each other then they gotta go] Joe: [go away for some alone time to take your drugs somewhere, we voting beach] Ronnie: [yeah because realistically nobody will be there at this o clock unless they are likewise up for shady shit so it works for them as well as being romantic for us because has she been to the beach before probably not] Joe: [so unintentionallly wholesome] Ronnie: [try not to freak out immediately about that this time lads] Joe: [or OD again] Ronnie: [or freeze to death because when are you ever dressed for the weather gal] Joe: [have to stay close purely for warmth whoops] Ronnie: [can't pretend you're angry enough to be at the other end of the beach its not that deep] Joe: [shame it'll be too late to get fish n chips or something beach related but you can skim stones] Ronnie: [I wonder if there's anywhere you could break into because always a mood] Joe: [on a lot of seafronts they have those shelter moments that are boarded up you know what I mean] Ronnie: [yeah that was what I had in mind] Joe: [was that tracy beaker when jess and that girl were snuggled in there and tracy thought it was a lad lollol] Ronnie: [I loved that bit] Joe: [soz i've forgotten your name but that whole character and vibe was a mood, buzzing for the show/movie whatever they're doing] Ronnie: [a child Tess mood 100%] Joe: [fosho fosho, you're gonna have to sleep on this beach/his car 'cos not letting you drive in that state for that long yet tah] Ronnie: [we all know you're gonna be snuggling and I'm here for it, maybe you can get fish and chips in the am/when you wake up] Joe: [for breakfast lol, get all the sugary snacks as well like candy floss doughnuts, casual binge here like neither of you clearly eats much day to day] Ronnie: [healthwise you've both got bigger problems so we can allow it] Joe: [sugar high, living for unintentional wholesomeness lol] Ronnie: [love the childlike vibe always] Joe: [when I go the hunstanton with the gals, which is like, scummy seaside vibes you know, there's always rides there, but also there was like a tattoo hut where you could get actual tattoos for like a fiver and it looks so dubious lol] Ronnie: [omg that is amazing and we must] Joe: [you could get piercings too which might have him do just to mess with it] Ronnie: [we know she already has so likewise not gonna resist getting another, the more extra the better though placement wise cos we do love to shock joseph with our endeavours] Ronnie: [whack a tit out casually or whatever like] Joe: [lmao, dreading these infections hens] Ronnie: [I went to margate and all I got was this lousy tat and a persistent infection, put that on a t-shirt] Joe: [shame they only do flashes gals] Ronnie: [get some DIYing happening lads, we know that kind of thing is flirting for you] Joe: [the tension at this point like you've actually shown loads of restraint even though the opposite seems true lol] Ronnie: [lowkey not what anyone would expect of you which is why I like it] Joe: [mhmm not actually all doom and gloom even if we say and pretend it or what would be the point] Ronnie: [they'd actually be having such a lovely time and when was the last time either of them did, I'm fine about it yep] Joe: [truly, it ain't just about the drugs or any of the 'fucked up ness' from the off and that's the tea no one else be seeing] Ronnie: [mhmm and it wouldn't last how it does if it was] Joe: [connection huns] Ronnie: [the TENSION on this car journey back like don't crash tbh] Joe: [at least you can play really loud music and pretend that's distraction enough] Ronnie: [and play with your new injuries] Ronnie: [lowkey bonding even more about your love of music though we see you] Joe: [mhmm, when it's not all classical obvs 'cos you aren't Rosaline] Ronnie: [probably drop her at Charlie's hun cos otherwise something is gonna happen] Joe: [hope you brought him some rock but i know you did not lol, go make friends again, you go think 'bout your life joseph] Ronnie: [probably stole him a postcard that you've written some bants on to slide under his door] Joe: [that's cute, hilarious over-sexual postcard as they always are] Ronnie: [yeah exactly and then he knows you're back so you can talk or whatever you're gonna do to clear the air] Joe: [that's this era in general we know the vibe]

[missing-marvel]

The Real Spider-Man

Pairing: Peter Parker/Reader

Tags: fluff, Halloween nonsense

A/N: I know it’s a bit late now but here’s my Halloween fic anyway 

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There was nothing quite like hearing the Ghostbusters theme from halfway down the block. The party was already in full swing. Flash really knew how to put on a show. He may not be your favorite guy at school, but he wasn’t the worst. Besides, he invited both you and Peter to the party, so who were you to say no?

You glanced over at Peter in the passenger seat. He’d tried to offer to drive but you weren’t going to let him anywhere near the wheel. You knew how his driving test had gone. It was a mystery how he’d passed.

He was checking his makeup in the visor mirror. He’d dressed up as a zombie, with your help of course. You had to help him with the makeup. When he’d done it himself he looked less like a zombie and more like a sad clown.

You were going dressed as a vampire, complete with a heavy old-fashioned cloak you’d somehow found at the thrift store and fake blood around the corner of your mouth.

You’d tried to convince Peter to wear his Spider-Man suit but he refused, saying something about how it “wasn’t a toy” and wearing it to the party would be “irresponsible.” You were pretty sure he was just afraid Tony would find out.

Since the party had already started, parking was slim and you had to park multiple houses away. You were grateful for the cloak as it was surprisingly cold outside. Peter saw you shiver slightly and took the opportunity to take your hand in his and move closer to you.

“I don’t remember the last time Halloween was this cold,” he said, his breath just barely visible in the night air.

“Yeah well lucky the party’s indoors, you dork.” You laughed and pushed him away playfully, though still holding onto his hand. You didn’t let go until you’d reached the front door of Flash’s house.

“Look at you two! You’re like the undead duo over here.” Ned was the first person to greet you as walked in, dressed in an extremely detailed Luke Skywalker pilot costume that definitely couldn’t have been cheap.

“Nice costume, Ned! You make that yourself?” You inquired, genuinely impressed by the work he’d put in.

Peter laughed before Ned could answer, “If by ‘make’ you mean ‘show up on my doorstep a week before the party and beg to me to help him make a full Luke Skywalker costume from scratch’ then yeah, he made it.”

Ned looked taken aback, pretending to be offended, “I’ll have you know I did plenty of work on this suit myself.”

“Oh sure,” Peter retorted. “I just did the sewing. So, you know, only 80% of the work.”

“Hey man, you know how I am with needles. Remember how close I was to failing Home Ec?” The two friends’ banter never failed to put a smile on your face.

Just then, you heard the familiar sound of your favorite Halloween song playing over the speakers and you nearly pushed Peter over on your way to the living room.

“Keep up boys!” You shouted over your shoulder as you sprinted past Peter and Ned.

The living room was packed full of costumed classmates dancing like their lives depended on it. You quickly threw yourself into the middle of the crowd, too excited to wait for your boyfriend.

You found yourself falling into rhythm with the crowd, your body moving with the beat without you even having to think about it. At one point, you spun around and smacked right into a familiar undead face.

“Found you!” Peter laughed and you continued dancing, grabbing his hands and pulling him further into the crowd with you. You knew he liked dancing, though he rarely would dance in front of you. He claimed he looked dumb when he danced. You thought he looked cute though, all arms and no rhythm.

“Come on, Pete. Dance with me!” Whenever you called him by his nickname, he was like putty in your hands and both of you knew it. He tried to look annoyed but there was a smile on his face he just couldn’t hide.

The two of you danced for what felt like hours. You watched Peter as he slowly loosened up, letting himself really have fun for once. It was as if when the two of you were together, he could let loose and just be himself. You could’ve stayed like this the rest of the night if a certain figure hadn’t caught your attention.

At the front of the room, someone had climbed on top of a table and started dancing. Peter’s back was to the person, meaning you were facing them. Even under the flashing colored lights, you would recognize that costume anywhere.

Someone had dressed up as Spider-Man.

Granted, it wasn’t a completely accurate costume. It looked a bit rough around the edges, a couple seams visible here and there and whatnot. Overall, though, it was still impressive.

“Oh my god.” You stopped dancing and covered your mouth with a hand to stifle your laughter. Peter noticed you looking over his shoulder and turned around.

“Is that—?” He looked dumbfounded. You couldn’t tell if he was flattered or freaked by the turn of events.

Suddenly, ‘Spider-Man’ picked up a microphone and lifted his mask up over his mouth.

“Is everybody having a good time tonight!?” His voice rang out over the speakers and even over the roar of the crowd, you immediately recognized it.

It was none other than Flash Thompson.

Yeah, he did invite you and Peter to the party, but he also invited literally everyone in your grade. You wouldn’t exactly call him and Peter friends. More like... rivals. You wondered what Peter thought about seeing him in the Spidey-suit.

Peter let out a long exhale through slightly pursed lips, like he couldn’t think of what to say. He had one hand on the back of his neck, the other on his hip.

“Hey, come on.” You grabbed Peter’s hands again, turning him to face you instead of Flash. “He’s got nothing on the real Spider-Man.” You gave Peter a smile and he did the same.

“Oh it’s not that,” he said, pulling you closer again. “Just weird, you know? Never thought I’d see other people dressing up like m— like Spider-Man.”

“Well, he is a hero, after all.” Peter���s cheeks flushed red as you spoke. “People look up to Spider-Man.” You leaned in close, not caring about the crowd around you. Peter hesitated, glancing around at your classmates before you brought his attention back to you and only you by planting your lips firmly on his.

“Ow!” He jumped back and held up a hand to his lip while you just laughed.

“Sorry. Fangs.” You removed the cheap plastic vampire fangs from your mouth and stuffed them in your pocket. They were started to bug you anyway.

“Oh real funny,” Peter tried to sound disapproving, but it didn’t work so well when he was also laughing. He tried pulling you in for another kiss— without the fangs this time— but was interrupted when a plastic cup flew out of nowhere and hit the back of his head.

“Get a room you two!” Michelle stood nearby, Ned at her side. She flipped the two of you off with a smirk on her face. You waved at her and returned the gesture. It was all in good fun, of course. You got along perfectly well with Michelle. In fact, you often enjoyed her... unique sense of humor.

You and Peter made your way over to their side of the dance floor, no longer in the crowded center of the room. Now that the four of you were in one place, you all returned to dancing as he music switched over to another of your favorite songs.

———————

By the end of the night, a handful of partygoers had made their way to the front yard, including you and Peter. Ned and Michelle had wandered off again. It had gotten awfully warm inside, so people had started going outside to enjoy the chilly night air. The party was winding down, and the music wasn’t so loud now.

You and Peter sat on the front steps, your cloak wrapped around the two of you as you rested your head on Peter’s shoulder. You wouldn’t admit it, but you were barely staying awake. You feared Peter might have to drive you home.

You looked up at him, his makeup smudged and wearing off and his hair a tousled mess. You never wanted to stop looking at him.

“Peter,” you whispered and he turned to face you. Before he could even respond, you swiftly closed the gap between you, pressing your lips to his, more gently this time. There was no one around, no one to interrupt you. After a moment, Peter’s lips moved in time with yours and you let out a faint hum.

The cold air felt even colder when you pulled apart, missing the warmth of your boyfriend’s touch.

“It’s getting late,” Peter whispered, still only inches away from you.

“Yeah. I guess we should—“ You were cut off by a faint sound getting progressively louder. You turned to look down the street where it was coming from to see flashing red and blue lights. The sound was a police siren, and it was headed your way.

“The cops? There wasn’t anything illegal going on during the party. You think we should run—?” You tenses up, ready to dart out of there until Peter put a hand on your shoulder reassuringly.

“Wait hold on,” he narrowed his eyes, watching intently as the police cars approached at a rapid speed with no sign of slowing. As they got closer, you realized there was another the car in front of them. This one was swerving across the road, clearly ignoring all traffic laws.

By the time the chase had passed by the house, Peter was already on his feet. You knew what he was going to ask before he even said anything.

“Here,” you tossed him the car keys. “Your suit’s in the trunk. Go get ‘em.”

“You sure you’re okay here?” Ever the gentleman. He couldn’t go ‘superheroing’ without checking on you first.

“I’ll be fine. I can hitch a ride home with Ned or Michelle if I don’t think I can drive. Now go!” You smiled and waved him off.

“You’re the best!” With that, Peter darted toward your car up the street as the police sirens faded in the distance.

[billgavemeextrachips]

How's about 14 for Chummy and Fred?

Excellent request, @nunonabun! Ask and ye shall receive. :-)

Also, @callthemoonbeam, I am brainstorming a reply to your ask as well. I love how I reblog a list of friendship prompts and get nothing but Chummy-and-Fred requests. Truly, this is my wheelhouse. :-D

That’s Not How I Remember It

After he didn’t make the cut for grammar school, Freddiehad started helping Mr. Buckle with repairs around Nonnatus House. The oldfamily friend became more than just Freddie’s mentor in plumbing, woodworkingand gardening. The pair were soon good friends in their own right.

In June 1974, overa busted pipe, the elder Fred admitted to the younger that the upcoming AnnualBuckle-Gee-Jackson-Smart-Dooley-Foster Multi-Generational Weekend CampingExtravaganza was… not shaping up to be extravagant.

“Vi’s back can’t take a night on an RV pull-out sofa. Marlene and her crew ‘aven’t turned up since ’68, no matter‘ow many times I ask. Vi’s grandkids all say they can’t come, they got summerjobs. Betcha ‘alf of ‘em are slinkin’ off to the woods that same weekend wivfriends, smokin’ all sorts a things and listenin’ to sumfink anarchist, like…”he shrugged. 

“Like Pink Floyd,” Freddie volunteered eagerly. “OrJethro Tull, or-” 

“Righ’, yeah,” the older Fred grunted from behind hiscigar. “All vem, I reckon. Anyways, it’s jus’ me and Reggie, and your AuntieDolly and ‘er four.” He sighed. “But we’ll make a good show of it. For the youngertwo’s sakes, at least.”

“I feel bad for him,” Freddie told his family oversupper that evening. “You should hear how he talks about the trips a few yearsback. They had twenty-two people in 1968! And now it’s down to seven. It bums himout, I think. He really likes planning big, fun events for lots of people.” 

But Freddie knew of someone else with a tendencytowards grand plans. After the dishes were cleared, Dad and the other kidssettled in front of the telly. Freddie went into the dining room, and sat downacross from Mum and her trusty old Singer.

Chummy stopped the sewing machine. She could sense heroldest had something to say. She looked up, blinking as her eyes adjusted tothe other half of her thick bifocals.

“Freddie, is everything alright?”

“I thought it might be nice if we went with them,” heblurted. “The Buckles. Camping. We all get on well, and I think they’d like thecompany.”

“I rather agree,” she said.

“But the thing is, Mr. Buckle’s too proud to inviteus, and we can’t just invite ourselves…”

“Quite right,” his mother smiled. “I shall speak toMrs. Buckle. If she approves of your plan, she can nudge old Fred into it. She’llprobably have him thinking it was his idea all along!”

This is precisely what happened. Two weeks later, theypacked Fred’s RV with supplies, and the Smart and Noakes kids piled into theback of a rented van. Peter couldn’t get off work that weekend, and Dolly andher husband had separated years ago. That left four adults- Fred, Reggie,Chummy and Dolly- in charge of seven children between the ages of twelve and sixteen.

“It’ll be like Scouts all over again. Akela andBagheera, reining in the chaos,” Peter teased his wife. They drew close,holding hands, and he gave her a peck on the cheek. He would have liked to giveher a grander send-off, but they were both mindful of their adolescentaudience.

It was a two-hour drive to the campsite in Sussex. (Notcounting the half hour at the petrol station, picking out snacks and makingsure everyone had a chance to use the loo.) Fred drove the RV, with Dolly ashis “co-pilot.” If Chummy had to guess, Fred was taking their time alone to tryand assess what sort of help, both practical and financial, he could give Dollyand her children. It was a fraught ritual that occurred periodically between all caring fathers and their grown daughters. Particularly if the daughter had gottenless in life than the father thought she deserved.

The van was much livelier. Chummy drove, Reggie wasthe keeper of the radio, and behind them the children practically bounced off thewalls. The Smart children were remarkably nonchalant about Bea’s arms. PerhapsDolly had briefed them ahead of time, or they were open-minded towardsdisability because of their cousin Reggie. Either way, Bea was still putting onsome of her new-crowd bravado, trying to prove the “thalidomide girl” was notjust normal, but great fun too.

The van crept down the tree-shaded dirt roadinto the campsite. Even as they parked, Bea continued leading the others in a radio sing-along.Chummy switched off the ignition but left the radio on.

“Ah, Mater! WantJet to always love me. Ah, Mater! Much later…”

“That’s a weird name.” Jackie Smart, the youngest,wrinkled her nose. “You reckon Paul’s got a friend called Mater, or did he make it up?”

“Mater’s not a name, silly!” said her older sister,Sam. “It’s what posh people say instead of ‘Mum’!”

“That’s not true! You’re puttin’ us on!”

Fred had disembarked the RV and was approachingChummy’s open window when he overheard this. He broke into a crooked grin.

“It is true, Jackie. Why, Mrs. Noakes ‘ere ‘ad a‘Mater’, God rest her soul. I met her when Mrs. Noakes and Mr. Noakes gotmarried, I did.”

“Tell ‘em about the sandwiches, Mr. Buckle,” Freddiepiped up. “And the bridesmaids in nurses’ uniforms!”

“Bridesmaids in what?”squealed Diane, the middle Smart girl.

The four girls dissolved into their umpteenth gigglefit today. Tony Smart groaned, rolled his eyes, then shoved his way to the vandoor. Chummy’s middle son Davey followed suit. As the girls began peltingChummy with questions, her son Freddie caught her eye in the rearview mirror.He looked apologetic. So did her old friend Fred, for that matter.

Yes, there was a time when she would have been bashful-but that was many years ago. Before she’d explained Bea’s disability tocountless gawking strangers, and advocated her daughter’s needs to dozens ofdoctors. Before she’d taken Freddie’s teachers aside year after year, managingto persuade only some of them: He’s reallyquite bright. And he’s not hard of hearing- well, not exactly. He just needspeace and quiet to understand. Or if you could just write everything down…

A trip down Memory Lane would be a cakewalk comparedto that. Chummy smiled as she tuckedher salt-and-pepper hair behind her ears, got out of the van and stretched herlong legs.

“What are camping trips for, if not for old stories? Butwe must set up the pup tents first. Once that’s done and dusted, Grandpa Bucklecan tell you all about my wedding.” She grinned wickedly. “And then I’ll tell you all about Evie, GrandpaBuckle’s beloved pet pig.”

The kids cackled. Reggie beamed. “I’ll tell them aboutthe flowers in your garden!” he said.

“Ooh I’ve got one!” cried Dolly as she hopped downfrom the RV. “Do they know the story of the day Sam and Freddie were born?”

“Or how her Grandpa initially mistook poor Samanthafor a little boy?” Chummy teased.

“That’s not how I remember it!” Fred shook his head,chuckling. “I’ll go and get the tents.”