#they're all roomates now and damian is their baby mascot

[bruciemilf]

If Talia were to tell Battinson they had a baby together and she sadly couldn't leave her cultist father just yet, Bruce would just. Take Damian.

As in, pluck him from Ra's arms as he's in the middle of his " my heir will rule the world" monologue and just walk away without a word. " WH- Talia! Stop him?!"

" Our therapist advised me to set boundaries with toxic parental figures, so, politely, I'll make sure not to do that."

When Selina wheeled her way out of Gotham, a member of her army of cats was pregnant; She yelled when Bruce told her.

Something about Simba knowing better, and how Bruce better look for the cat who knocked her baby up and make him stay, and Bruce says Simba's kittens get along well with Damian.

"...What?!"

" I have a baby now. Would you like to meet him? He's very friendly when he's asleep."

Bruce behaves like he was born holding babies; Damian never cries in his arms, his chubby fingers firmly hooked on his arms, round cheeks warm with pleasure while Bruce sings him to sleep and feeds him with his frog milk bottle.

All the while a small kitten sleeps on Damian’s tummy. In the Batcave. Now fully baby proofed. Alfred burns gin and tonic like he's cashing checks for it.

" Oh wow. That's...That's a baby. "

Ivy couldn't look more terrified if she tried, " That's a baby!"

Harley is overjoyed " THAT'S A BABY!"

" Shh. He doesn't like loud noises," Bruce tells them, and Selina wonders if only they know? Gotham's been suspiciously quiet since she returned. Almost like a courtesy, " His name is Damian. He likes cow mooing. "

"... That's very normal."

Harley, who's digging through Damian's toys already, says its actually more normal than they'd expect, but Selina needs a drink already because she can't be an aunt before 3 glasses of wine.

" Are you sure he's even yours?"

Bruce hums, " Does it matter? He's in my house already."

" Of course you'd say that."

" I signed the papers already."

" Oooof course you did. "