#theyd know exactly what to say to me to make me feel better and will take me out for a fun day

[1980ssunflower]

sigh :-c

[paintedkinzy-88]

(So sorry i feel like im spamkmg yoyr ask box but i just rotate this au around in my brain like microve)

So i was checking out the posts linked through your coi au master post, and this part:

Did this this cut more deep than Donnie intended? Like does Leo still think about this one line even months past? Like does he think, as hes going on his nightly falling/flying sesions how his brothers couldnt even think of leaving april behind but didn't hesitate to leave him behind

Meanwhile donnie and bros dont see it that that. They see leo as equal, even without wings, they never once thought of it as leaving him behind. Because hes their brother, theyd NEVER leave him behind.

But then that got me thinking... did they accidentally like ACTUALLY leave leo behind that first night donnie made his wings. Cause i can see donnie and the ither two being caught up in the joy of flying together for the first time, maybe going too fast for leo to keep up on the rooftops, cementing the idea in his head that his bros dont need him.

This is long winded lol i just got angst on my mind 😭

Spam me all you want!! I may not be able to promise I’ll get to every ask I ever receive, I just don’t have that time, but I CAN promise that I see, read, and overthink everything anyone sends me (ง’̀-‘́)ง So send away!!

As for your question: Absolutely, yes, that moment struck Leo down to his core — but not like. Personally. He knows Donnie didn’t mean it like that! Realistically, he understands that his brothers/sister care just as much about him as he does about them. They’d never purposefully leave him behind!! At the end of the day, he trusts that, should he ever get seriously knocked down, his family would turn right back around to help him get back up.

But he still has a MAJOR barrier that he sees between them. One that Donnie AND April are now able to literally fly over. And now that he’s outnumbered, that wall feels even higher than before. He’s not alone, not ever, but it certainly feels like it sometimes…

And all of that is exactly why he doesn’t want to say anything. He not only feels a little silly to have this impossible dream in the first place (his hoard is literally birds and butterflies and shit, that’s so weird and pathetic, isn’t it???), but he doesn’t WANT them to worry about him. He doesn’t want them to turn tail and come back just to make sure he’s keeping up with them. He can’t hold them back like that!

It’s better to pretend he’s on the same level, train himself into the ground (even literally if that’s what it takes) to prove he’s on the same level, make them focus on his stellar swimming skills that are (to them) on par to their flying, than for them to ever realize that all he’ll ever do is look up at them from below.

Also, yes, after Dee made his first fully functioning flight pack, they all went on a quick flight around the city. April was the one to suggest they move it to the ocean so Leo could at least keep up with them and cheer them on…

[tobeywobey]

this is me asking about your grandberry pirate gillion au :0

YESYAYYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this spawned cuz of a swordfish supercut and also the joke lizzie made abt "you come on this ship you're my crew"

ok SOOO its canon-compliant UP until 53/57, around there ! gilly takes Not Ferin Well a whole lot worse, especially the almost jay betrayal! hes basically the same as he is in canon (atleast to jay and chip) but hes so upset over jay lying to them this whole time even after what theyve been through together. lizzie and caspian roll up on the half a ship and yk yk, gill goes to help and lizzie makes the "hes on my ship, hes on my crew" and. gill just thinks shes serious and hes shocked and then kind of relieved? he didnt know how to confront chip and jay about what happened on block and now he doesnt have to! and so he just. says goodbye to jay and chip and lizzie is like oh shit youre fr? ok welcome aboard. LOL .

jay and chip take this as well as youd expect! theyre obviously very betrayed and upset, and chip is mad at both gill but also Lizzie cuz in his mind she has just taken his best friend away from her :( they go their separate ways after an argument between all of them (mainly gill, lizzie and chip) and jay keeps trying to convince chip to go back, chip keeps trying to sail them forward and is even more deadset on finding arlin now (they drop off ollie way sooner, as soon as they get to zero-- which they leave for after allport)

gill would start to feel guilty but also the training hes doing with caspian and lizzie starts to help him, and hes also coming to terms with being in the oversea and in his mind the grandberry ship is helping him a lot!

anyways a lot of time passes, both ships go on canon-compliant adventures (HOWEVER. grandberry pirates fight off against the navy a lot more than riptide crew does in canon, so gill is also dealing with that .)

since it starts out near ep 50ish, its near ep 100 where they are reunited (in the black sea!) niklaus tempts lizzie (and by proxy the rest of the crew) by saying if they go and help him with what he needs (which is uh. gillion. its the same thing he wants gill to do in canon) that he will bring ava back (he can Totally do that guys.) and then he gets A BIT SILLY and goes to riptide pirate crew (atp theyd have all the normal npcs minus queen cuz that was all gillion's doing) and is like. Do you Want your Fish Guy? Hes somewhere in the black sea. find him for me and ill make sure he comes back to you guys . :D (he can also Totally do that.)

they meet in the black sea, have the same battle they did when they first got there (both albatross and grandberry together) and gill is still the one who saves jay which leads to sillyness ^_^ gill and jay . talk it out and whatnot, chip (once he stops refusing to talk to gill) and gill argue about it and have. surprise. another ice arena moment. theyre so insane.

---also extra notes--- :D

i dont exactly think hed say hes happier on the grandberry ship than with chip n jay i just . think hes definitely less worried about being the main protector? he knows caspian and lizzie can hold their own (not saying jay and chip cant its just .. you know..) and is living with a lot less stress and also has worked through undersea trauma like how he does in canon except with lizzie and caspian so . hes definitely living a better life, and if offered a place back on the riptide crew he wouldnt just abandon lizzie and caspian after all that especially cuz he still has lingering pain from jay betrayal ^_^

has lizzie/ava (past), swordfish QPR (i love them), liz/casp (QPR) (have you heard how caspian talks abt liz?), and uh........ yeah thats it.

also little idea idk where to fit in here . thinking abt gill missing ollie and chip (once theyve made up) being like "the three of us can go back to Zero and see him!" and gill is just like .. "chip this is my family now, im so much happier here than I have been (OUCH.) I can't in good conscious rejoin you as a riptide pirate after i've spent so long with as a grandberry pirate. However I would Like to see ollie." but both ships go and see ollie bc. yeah ^_^. chip is. devastated :(

hes much stronger and also slightly crazier! the navy trying to kill you will do that to you ^_^

i feel like i had something else to say but i forgot it.

[hiemaldesirae]

Swap au nonny: no plans to write this at all, so go ahead an write away =)

But yeah, Valentino thought Vox had it in the bag--now he believes that Alastor doesn't deserve death, but should be someone's bitch for eternity (he should have been Vox's, but seeing how the deer acts with Vox's stuff, he would probably like that). Velvette doesn't know what to think. She misses Vox terribly, and hates Alastor, and is very upset with Valentino for not going to Vox's distress call--she definitely would have gone, but wouldn't have made it in time as her true demon form doesn't have flight. Velvette basically did most of the work for all 3 sectors of the Vees while Alastor was punishing Valentino and Valentino's souls, and becomes friends with Niffty during those first 4 years. Once Alastor takes back the reigns and Val gets back to work, Velvette goes back to what she used to do too. Like things are mostly unchanged for her. (Mostly because she befriended Niffty and eventually Rosie. Her doing that saved her)

As for Vox's sector? His giant monitor room is clean by Niffty and is visited by Alastor once or twice a month, where Alastor ponders what Vox exactly did in the room. His office has been taken over by Alastor, his last ideas and drawings framed and safely kept in Alastor's bayou space. Vox's contracted souls continued to work for Voxtech...until a day after Alastor realized Vox was back, and that's when Vox gently pulled on their chains and called them to him. (Not like there was many left. Alastor did actually land a killing blow. Vox had to use some of his contracted souls to heal himself, destroying them in the process. But Vox lived, and that's what matters.)

Alastor does say I love you to the head he sleeps with in his bed! Also, I'm sorry, and I didn't mean too, and please come back to me. I'll be better. I'll never hurt you again, my love.

Vox does have PTSD. It's so bad that he has to take relaxation meds to go to the overlord meeting (since it's required for both allied overlords to show now) and Alastor will definitely be there, with his ally Rosie. It's fine though he has Husk.

YEAHHHHHHH YIPPEE THANK YOU NONNY I WONT DISAPPOINT I PROMISE!!!! (question for writing purposes btw. do charlie/vaggie know that vox is there on behalf of lucifer or does he just Show Up)

Urghm. wughd. imgnonna. Throw up. what the FUCK !!!!!!! what thde FUCK...................!!!!!!!!!! valvel going the FUCK through it while theyre both mourning their best friends death and harbouring so sososo much guilt from it all...if hell had therapists theyd need it more than anyone else please someone put the vees together in a cage so they can hug it out :(

oh god als such a fucking freak. i just know hed keep all of voxs old shit like pristine and clean and just looking like it was preserved in time or something, even when hes also making voxtek employees come in to do constant upgrades so that it seems more like something vox would do. trying to hold on to the pieces of him that he still has left while changing them to make it feel as if vox never left in the first place... and also, once alastor finds out vox is alive again, does he jump to the idea of having someone infiltrate the hotel to keep an eye on him or something? cause if he sends his shadow, sure thats not something they can get rid of, but he also doesnt know how well vox will respond to his shadow- even if they were close, alastor *did* kill vox nearly permanently, so is this potentially how the hotel gets niffty?

banging my head against the wall WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE SAYS SHIT LIKE 'ill be better' AND 'ill never hurt you again, just please come back to me'.... makes me think of those like, manhwas or whatever where the mc goes back in time to save someone they loved but treated like shit. they make my heart hurt what the FUCK nonny why would you do this to me.... urgh. the worst part is knowing alastor is that he does honestly probably mean it but in like His way. the toxic doomed yaoi way. like he's going to kidnap vox and keep him by his side forever if it means the other won't get hurt and almost leave again. which is usually a good thing because again. freak4freak radiostatic enthusiast here . but for swap!vox... oh my poor dear. he's probably freaking the fuck out whenever he sees al. is there even any ending where radiostatic gets a happy end :sob:

ough i can imagine husk just like standing protectively in front of vox during the meetings or something, like if rosie tries to get close to him or something he tells her firmly to leave because even though they were friends, vox cant even look her in the eye anymore because in his eyes, she *knew* what al did and still stayed by his side. she knew he killed vox and probably condoned it, and she'd probably help him do it all over again if they could- or at least that's what he thinks, but she really is just trying to get close to him again and cant understand why he's pulling back so hard. and the image of al trying to approach vox after a meeting or something only to be met with val and vels interference as husk takes vox and flies him back to the hotel- valvel get punished severely afterward for keeping them apart, obviously, but theyd do *anything* to keep vox safe especially because last time, when they didnt do enough, he almost died forever

[haemosexuality]

i blocked her so i can talk about this here now. in 2022 i became friends w someone from here and at least to me we were really good friends since tho there was some personality differences that kept chafing. also ive been really depressed especially this past year or so and i was not my best self i was not as reliable of a friend as i shouldve been. that made it worst. i (not on purpose) made her really upset over a thing (theres a lot of context to explain and i dont wanna type all of that rn) and didnt immediately acknowledge it bc i was busy (out with family all day) and then she ghosted me. we were friends for almost 2 years and she just ghosted me. and i dont, want to diminish her feelings in any way but from my pov i dont think it was that bad? that it warranted that? its been two months so i sent her a text saying i wish her well and then blocked her on whatsapp and on here. because i dont really want to hear what she has to say at this point (because she ghosted me for two months and i had no indication that would change). but im still sad. im really sad. ive been trying to not think about it because i dont want to break too hard but, man. she was my best friend for almost two years, we had kind of concrete plans to meet this year when/if i go to the us, i really cared about her even if i was horrible at showing it. another friend of mine is of the opinion that i wasnt in the wrong and am better off without her but i dont think so. i feel really bad. i hope shes doing ok. half of me thinks i deserve better than someone that ghosts me the other half thinks its exactly what i deserve for being such a dick friend and idk which to listen to. i dont want to hear anything she has to say but i also wish shed just say anything at all, even if she just cursed me off and blocked me

a lot of the stuff outside of my control that kept causing problem in our friendship was resolved like, in the first two weeks of her ghosting me. if theyd been resolved just a week earlier we probably would still be talking. i dont feel like i deserve any of it. not the meds, not the laptop, nothing. i know i was in a really bad depressive episode, i know how depression works but couldnt i have tried harder? and even outside of that, i cant just use depression to excuse my lack of communicating and all the promises i wasnt keeping, nothing was stopping me from being more honest except my own guilt. she didnt deserve that. its kind of devastating to have a friendship end so suddenly like this. i really really miss her. i havent blocked her on discord in case she does want to reach out even tho i know blocking her on whatsapp (the main place we talked) sends a big "never speak to me again" message. im good at repressing emotions but whenever i think about it too much i want to tear my organs out

i didnt even consider the idea of being angry or upset at her until over a month has passed. i was venting to another friend and she said that ghosting me was a shitty thing to do and the way she treated me before wasn't ok. i genuinely hadnt felt anything other than "im such a horrible person and a fuck up, i hope she can forgive me but i understand if she cant'' at that point and idk if it was just lack of self respect or if i really was super in the wrong and my other friend just couldnt grasp that from my pov of things. i dont know. i have more to say but talking about this very in depth for pretty much the first time is making me want to throw up so im going to stop writing

[mausolealdrift]

Do you have a deathgasm notp??? Sincerely, a canon zakk/Medina was a fucking cosmic fuck up incident truther

oh you’re absolutely right i have So many thoughts about this. sorry this took me forever to answer i needed to collect all of my thoughts together and all of that i am Normal about Characters

so like . for obvious reasons the thought of ppl genuinely shipping zakk and medina as in like……… thinking theyd actually be good together or smthn is a fucking insane idea and im So very glad ive only seen maybe one person say some shit like that. (which like. honestly im starting to think i might have imagined the post in my head just to make myself mad bc i havent been able to find it since ??? but i SWEAR i saw someone shipping them once .) the two of em actually being in a relationship would just be. Awful and unhealthy for both of them

(and yeah zakk and brodie arent exactly healthy for each other either . but in the sense that they both make each other Worse yet neither of them can stay away from the other even if they want to etc etc. which is actually sexy and not just . y’know)

but anyway . yeah Definitely a cosmic fuck up. medina deserves better than that :( like she’s been objectified and treated like shit by pretty much every guy who looks her way and then zakk lies to her abt the one guy who actually respects her to manipulate her into hooking up w him. give her a BREAK

but as much as it was The dick move of the century i think zakk had his reasons for it aside from just boredom. Obviously this is all very much my personal and extremely biased interpretation etc. but i think it was out of frustration more than anything else because he just can’t fucking cope with having feelings for brodie. regardless of whether you see those feelings as romantic or not he Cares too much about him. and he doesn’t know how to handle that so he takes his anger and frustration out on medina in such a spiteful and destructive way because it’s all he knows how to do. and whether he knows why or not, the idea of brodie getting closer with medina bothers him so so deeply – enough for him to try and sabotage their relationship at every chance he gets (and then later trying to keep them apart to stop brodie finding out what he did because he doesn’t want to lose him) under the guise of just being bored or only caring about himself.

and i really don’t think there’s much of a possibility that he did it because he was into her, or jealous of brodie, or anything like that. zakk never showed interest in her at all until then (i.e. when she made a move to try and get closer with brodie) and just….. seemed generally pretty indifferent to her otherwise. if he really wanted to then he could’ve made a move before, but he didn’t.

he purposefully did something that he knew would hurt them both if they (inevitably) found out, maybe not because he genuinely wanted to hurt them but because he’s reckless and destructive in nature, (and maybe a little bit stupid sometimes), and just doesn’t know how else to handle or comprehend his feelings other than to take it out on other people.

i think a lot of the dickhead-ish shit zakk does in the movie seems kind of random and thoughtless and it’s difficult to unpick what his motivations are for the things he does aside from just ‘because’, but a lot of it starts to make a lot more sense when you see it as a result of him caring about brodie far more than he wants to, and not knowing how to handle it. he seems so cruel and uncaring, and he definitely wants to be seen that way, but i think he cares deeper than anyone else in his own (kind of incomprehensible) way. and yeah, it’s still shitty and selfish and fucked up, and he still took advantage of medina and used her regardless of why, but i dunno. i think the reasons for it were a lot more complex than he let on.

(again, maybe i’m reading too much into it all and he is just a fucking cunt who just did shitty things for no reason, but the fact that he still came back for brodie after everything, despite how mad he was, even though it led to him dying in the end, is more than enough to show that he really does care too much for his own good.)

so yeah uh. i don’t fucking know how this went from ‘yeah i think zakk/medina sucks’ to a full-on analysis of zakk. But i dont care actually i love being fucking insufferable about this stupid movie <3

sorry for the massive fucking wordvomit im tortured by the curse of Thinking about characters

[granitenotgranted]

I'm gonna need ur reaction and thoughts about the RaM finale once you've watched it

I only watched it yesterday so im not gonna have any hot and spicy new takes for yall but ya girl DID have some thoughts lets go (obviously spoiler warning)

thank you SO SO much for asking!! I’m honored that you want my takes<33

Listen I hate to say it but I KNEW IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!! GOD!!! 😭😭😭

I just need to come out here and say this but first of all I dont think Rick replacing himself was really a bad thing,,,, like at all LMAO especially knowing that it was Rick who made him I mean it was more than just a replacement he was made to be the grandpa he wants for morty but he just knows he can’t be right now.

I can fully understand how it would absolutely feel like a betrayal to Morty but looking at it as a viewer I mean Rick was fully spiraling, to me his intentions were completely pure. Also I thik im just grateful they gave us a time stamp for when the swap was made so we didnt have to wonder forever how much of Rick this season was Rick. He still did piss master, he still kept Jerry blissfully ignorant just out of good will, he STILL WILLINGLY WENT TO THERAPY. All these wouldve been out the window if theyd overlooked that detail. 

Him recognizing that he was starting to go off the deep end again and not only removing himself but having his familys best interest in mind ( “Im no good to anyone until I resolve this” ) while doing so AND literally while mad at Morty is still INSANE character growth from where we started but this way is REALISTIC character growth. It was WEIRD how black and white the difference between literally yhe last two episodes and even just the rest of the season (which has famously been Rick in his peak good grandpa career) was. At some points it felt like I was reading fanfiction.

(Why do his knees look like that oh my god) Rick is fully capable of recognizing where he can be better, he always has been, he is not stupid *however* he is CLUTCHING onto the idea of being more logical than sentimental by the fucking neck rn. Men will literally build an anatomically flawless ai to be the perfectly calculated percentage nicer to their grandson and to be the man they wish they were before just going back to therapy.

Someone else mentioned this but ill also point out how much I appreciated just seeing Rick working? Like just in his space completely focused building shit with his brain and hands that hit the fucking spot. 9/10 times we only get the finished product and idk if its just me but I love when we SEE Rick living up to the Rick Sanchez tm reputation.

And Morty... my sweet summer child. It is not at all a shiny new take to say oh he’s so done with ricks shit we all know that but I really really want to point out something that I’m not really sure what point I’m trying to make with but have we noticed almost a switch morty flips when on adventures? He cried because Christmas was ruined like not even a full 6 hours before he was fully ready to kill a man while looking him in the eyes. Maybe the two were cause and effect idk bht I think that’s definitely something present in other episodes too this sorta “just get it done” attitude.

Also how much he sounded like rick this ep? That whole “don’t be too flattered he’s been actively trying to die” sounded EXACTLY like a Rick line I literally had to play it again. And the complete apathy for robo rick wanting to die until he ACTUALLY lunged himself into the void was also just textbook rick bullshit. Like grandfather like goddamn grandson.

The ending to me was a little disappointing tbh I think I was hoping for a more,,, structured? Cliffhanger? Like we dk what’s gonna happen in this storyline instead of the introduction to a new storyline yk? MAYBEEE I’m just salty we have to wait another year for more you can’t prove anything.

Rick being borderline manic ab RP at the end was my favorite it’s nice to see him just rant ab anything really and like not make some bullshit elaborate Halloween house to take his anger out but just legit vent ab what this guys been doing to him for the past fucking 40 years. I didn’t even notice the ep was over when the credits rolled in my mind we were only like 10 minutes in and I lost my MIND when mr poopy butthole pulled up again good to see he’s thriving (kinda)

On a final note when he called him Rick prime please let me know if I’m off but is that not an internet term for him? Like the fandom came up with it? Rick and morty writers are tumblerinas confirmed question mark?

And lastly: Neurotypical. Cooties.

[zy-murge]

HELLOOOO 2BHANK HEADCSNONS HEART EMOJI :]

the ideas that have been in my small little brain

even when others are nice to hank he finds it very empty which is why in project nexus he doesn't really connect with others however his relationship with 2bdamned is more than "He's nice to me" its the fact 2bdamned is actually displaying more than words, because he realizes that 2bdamned is doing more than he has to in any capacity. they share a goal of defeating - or atleast subduing - the AAHW. 2bdamned's assistance in providing high level weaponry and teammates should be enough, but he's giving MORE. after hanks first death on a mission after beginning to work with 2bdamned, he finds it strange that 2bdamned is the one to help revive him but that gives them time to spend together. He finds it even more strange that this is his first encounter with another person that includes physical touch but no harm, he doesn't know what to make of that. Eventually its not just when hank dies. It starts happening enough that 2bdamned says he has to come by so often he might as well start living there, but hank takes that as a serious offer and obliges. Both of them are surprised, but it happens anyway.

I think that's the point at which they start to know each other well enough to advance this to a relationship past "We just need to get by" to "I'm doing all these super nice things just as a favor" which are definitely not just favors, they spend more and more time together as a result. Hands lingering over stitched wounds 'just to check one more time', small talk during treatment, i think around that point is when hank opens up to doc a lot more. I like to think they do stuff outside of work or simply "Living" too, having a drink together and such. I think it's obvious they want to keep it "strictly business" but it's been past that point ever since they started living together, and WELL past ever since they started becoming more ... casual to each other.

I don't truly know to what extent hank feels for 2bdamned, but I think he kind of struggles with the fact he hasn't killed him yet when there's reasons he COULD and he SHOULD, but i supposed it's something in the back of his mind that he can when it comes to that point. The better question is why hasn't it? How did it get to THIS point where it's become past the work? Why would he do something like be open to someone like HIM? Why hasn't he done anything about it?

2bdamned's own emotions are pretty clear to him but he's in denial saying it's about the research or the practicality or some other bullshit not willing to admit its spending more resources than it's worth to keep the fucker alive, especially if hank doesn't exactly need 2bdamned's talents to revive himself. It's needless use of vital things like giving up privacy to live with the Scariest Guy In All Of Nevada or using reviving when Hank doesn't even need any of the fancy tech in the first place to be revived. It's the same question of "How's it come to this?"

i need them to be a little more fucked up emotionally than just snuggle buddies at movie night. i mentioned this elsewhere but their relationship is kind of like. They both think theyre the guy taking care of the cat, but they're both the cat. sorry less of a headcanons list and more a dump of some headcanon emotional garbage but here's some stuff i think theyd do and be gay about

drinking together (mentioned) and getting a bit more closer emotionally, both of them talk about their jobs and what they do what they do but i also think doc would mention something about being ex-aahw and being like "FUCK!!NO HE'LL HATE ME NOW!!" and hanks like "AHHAHAHA see it's just better to hang with me" and at that point they became besties (CODE FOR hot gay lovers)

also after that doc just begins complaining so so much about the AAHW especially the working conditions

THREE WORDS. HOMO!! EROTIC!! SURGERY!!! you all know it by now yes the "oh so you're in my guts. okay. buy me dinner first" but like you know. i think people should focus more on the touching aspect and i never really see it enough... gimme some tracing over the stomach and hank being all fucked up over how this is the only time of the day someone gets to hold him without it following his head being bashed in. I do think it's a little funny thinking about this though, i think 2bdamned definitely forgets all the time he's working with a LIVING body not a dead one so he just kinda sticks his hand in there sometimes and when hanks like "AUGHTR" he's like oopsie ^_^ forgot

hank tried to kiss doc once after surgery and he had to play it off as being delirious and then stomped out really all mad at himself

they have to sleep in the same bed or it's that doc is sleeping in a fucking chair but the problem is all of his chairs are stools. they HAVE to sleep in the same bed man. there's only one bed trope but contest to see how long they can last before making out. do this in real life with your best friend

also that doc is the one that cooks for both of them and it is kind of shit food but compared to the fact hank cant fucking cook its like a miracle hank gets anything other than Cheese Pizza in his system

you remember that "Pretty Please" note doc wrote to hank to tell him to Pretty Please Destroy The Only City In Our Fucking World i think he talks really jokingly to hank, but doesnt do it because hank doesn't really pick up on it being a joke. usually does try to remain serious and normal for most conversations

if i think of any more i'll psot them later but it is 12:30 am !!! i like them a lot. i like them a lot

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

idk if yall remember the one prompt from that last round that was something like "grabbing their shoulder to stop them doing something theyd regret" BUT that one did prompt me to have to think about like... in what circumstances EXACTLY would a) one of them be about to do something inadvisable and b) the other one wouldnt just be an enabler. bc i feel like most often they're probably in agreement in the rare situation they're about to do something Stupid. and anyway i love having misc character thoughts so i might not keep this but what i wound up at is,

emmet is very easily hypnotized by the siren song of a Really Good Opponent. listen he might be fully aware that battle will end in like, structural damage and a totally depleted potion reserve. BUT. he probably could technically beat them if he wanted and that is just so hard for him to resist. this is like his singular weakness. conversely ingo like, enjoys battling, but he doesn't get hyped about about it the same way emmet does, and is usually more concerned about Consequences (emmet will be aware of them but his mental math is like, nah consequences are for later us, so ingo is the one who has to be like maybe we DON'T start with the giant frenzied axe bug like, right now right now, maybe we wait a little bit and actually see what it can do first so we don't wind up like razing a forest)

but what ingo DOES find very difficult to be normal about is when he runs into someone who's being Unfair. it's not like, something he's proud of, but he gets ANGRY about it. like "let's go right here right now so i can balance the scales and make YOU feel helpless and scared and i will absolutely wager my life savings to get you in a battle" kind of pissed. he's usually capable of keeping a lid on it but if he knows he could take them it's just. extremely tempting. and this isnt to say emmet is like fine with sitting and watching but i think in 99% of situations excepting the one detailed above, emmet is also very calculating. he is Very ok with being patient if it means a better and more effective comeuppance later.

anyway like i said i might not make this part of my consistent characterization for them but i DO think it's fun for right now

[tauforged]

#1: I love finding someone with a unique/rare ship or headcannon.

#2: the interaction with Sigma and Sombra, where Sigma is saying Moira is going to run some tests on him, how do you think Ramattra would respond to hearing that?

#3 do they have any nick names for each other?

AW TEEHEE THANKYOU!!! its been a while since ive had the motivation to like, draw or write anything for em but rest assured im thinking about them so so so much... youve activated my autism trap card though i have an INSANE amount of convoluted opinions on the nature of character dynamics between sigma and sombra as well as sigma and moira and im taking this opportunity to babble about it. sorry in advance.

as for the interaction, personally im of the opinion that said 'tests' are literallly.... just tests. as in like, yknow, bloodwork, scans to make sure the implants and augments he has are actually working to redirect excess pressure and kinetic energy from his vital organs when using his abilities ... ive talked about how i think that sorta stuff works more in this post but tldr is that a lot of the tech and equipment hes using is of his own design and VERY experimental, hes pretty much flying blind here so he kind of has to make changes as he goes and so it's kinda important that his health and safety are taken into account. and he also has a bit of a uhhh. demonstrable history of disregarding his own safety for the sake of his research. it would kind of make sense that theyd be going out of their way to make sure someone stays on him about actually doing the damn tests and keeping track of the results. it just so happens that he's really averse to letting just anyone Examine (tm) him because of. yknow. the everything. and moira happens to fit the bill of being A. someone he feels he can trust to not take things too far (whether or not he's making a good choice here is up for debate, but i think he could do worse) and B. actually have a degree of knowing what she's doing. i definitely think that the only reason she's bothering at least initially is her own curiosity about everything he's got going on, but he also does just really feel like the type to jsut kind of naturally be very endearing . ive said before that a lot of their interactions read as playful to me, at least on his end - he DEFINITELY sounds like he's messing with her on purpose. i think he does genuinely regard her as a friend, and for the most part, he's probably right - even if she's a bit cranky about it. i have a LOT of thoughts about their relationship too honestly probably far too many to cram into this one post LMFAO i think about the dynamic a lot. im a moira apologist idc i think that she is capable of being nice sometimes. just because shes kind of a cunt sometimes doesnt mean shes needlessly cruel, like not only do i feel like messing with his head and experimenting on him given his history would be kinda kicking him while he's down. but ALSO, i feel like she's smart enough to know that making him an enemy would be a baaaad idea. he can literally explode people with his mind. she knows better than to give him any reason to be genuinely mad at her, and i do think he would absolutely NOT tolerate any kind of treatment like that ever again unless it was on his terms and he had the power to just leave if it got to be too much. even as it is, i think the entire process is a bit of a sore spot for him and not exactly something he's thrilled about, hence his hesitation in that interaction - not because it's happening against his will so much as he's regarding it the same way i think about having to go get blood drawn. it's not fun, but it's gotta happen somehow.

all that to say, i think upon overhearing discussion of said 'tests' without further context mattra would NOT be happy about it, likely getting defensive the same way sombra does. he'd probably be a lot harder to dissuade than she is tbh, i dont know if he'd really take moira's word for it that there's nothing underhanded going on here unless sig told him so himself, and even then it would still put his hackles up. he's probably very nosy about it for a very long time. just to be safe.

as far as nicknames/pet names go, in my mind theyre both very... awkward about these kinda things i guess if that makes sense? emotional vulnerability comes easily for NEITHER of them, between sig still recovering from decades of isolation and mattra just naturally being very guarded and bitter (for good reason!) and not used to outwardly expressing his care for others, especially not for some random human who seems to have decided that they're friends. to me, their dynamic is very much one of tentativeness and battling with distrust and insecurity. i think it would take a very, very long time to get there, and even longer to actually be able to casually say stuff like that without wanting to explode and die on the spot. i do think sig is a bit more outwardly affectionate than mattra, but even then, a lot of it is kinda tempered by the fact that he's just very forward with everyone about everything at this point - he's kind of desperate for positive connections with others that he can hold onto, so he's reached a point where it doesn't take much to get him to consider someone a friend and he's not exactly hiding it anymore. oh, i dropped something and you picked it up before i had a chance to? sick, we are now besties and i would kill for you.

i think that sort of attitude would catch ramattra off guard and he'd not really know how to react to any of it. sig could call him anything at this point, but if it's in an affectionate tone he WILL bluescreen about it. ramattra.exe has encountered an error and must restart

i do really like sig's valentines voiceline, so i might just roll with 'starlight' even if it's a bit cheesy... hell, now that i think about it, i think he'd do that specifically BECAUSE it's cheesy and will probably elicit an eye-roll or a 'stop that'. he seems to enjoy pushing people's buttons. maybe bothering his friends is his love language idk

[effervescentdragon]

Akira. Beloved.

You have made me deranged enough to write not 1 but 2 essays in your askbox in the span of 3 days.

Here we go.

First, let's talk about Lando because. Of course.

I am so sorry to all the Lando stans ( i like the man too ok) but he is just such an easy punching bag. He's a pretty immature lil rich boy and he's hella cringe. None of these are what he get's punching baggified for though. He's also so so so open with his affection. He is gone for Carlos ( and now Daniel. yes. he is.) and he's so open with it. He's shouting it from the rooftops, always talking about Carlos and the good old days and how they're still close and making inside jokes. And well. You see him and Lando yes, and then you see Carlos and Charles. And well. the fic writes itself. you wrote it.

But lets come back to Lando. because to me, he is still stuck in 2020, and Carlos and He are CarlosandLando (one of my absolute favourite writing devices i think i use it far too much but just. great use of it) and they always will be, nothing will change. He is still so young and immature, still certain that his future is set and decided. poor baby. And I do think there is some element of the unreliable narrator playing into this. Lando is so convinced, or trying so hard to convince himself, that maybe we're seeing Carlos as better than he is and Charles as worse than and Charlos as more than.

Ok Carlos. Since you're being mean, I shall be mean too. I think Carlos knows exactly what he's doing with Lando. I think he's less sure of Charles, but that just excites him more. If he can win Charles and keep him, he will. But if he doesn't, he wants to have a backup plan. Someone who loves him unconditionally, wholly and trusts him deeply . So Lando. And so he keeps him close, but not too close. He can't risk him fucking it up with Charles either. And he prefers Charles more nowadays. But Carlos always has a plan, is always prepared, so he doesn't let Lando loose completely. Still keeps him hanging on to hope. This Carlos is selfish in the worst way and i adore him.

Charles. Oh charles. I feel like i don't have much more to add than this - I love hissing spitting preening self-satisfied cat Charles. He has picked Carlos and he will have him. And he wants Lando to know that he beat him. Charles has to win at everything.

Also just to address the whole "Carlos wouldn't lie to him" aspect. Carlos has this whole personality of being silly funny goofy. The down to earth straightforward honest dude. But he's the child of a celebrity. He was born around PR he's been doing it his whole life. And he's a cunt. He absolutely could and would lie if it benefited him. Except he will never lie outright. Just say the right things and hide the rest. I love cuntos cuntz with my whole heart. He's a massive dick.

Also I love the small touches of realism. They're racers first and foremost, Carlos 100% would break up with someone if he felt they were distracting him.

Ok this essay was far more incoherent than the previous one, I apologise. But I said what needed to be said! (And I'd like to save some writing juice for the fic i should be doing right now help).

As always, love you, love your writing. You have a gift.

Hugs, kisses, Kudos

-C

Im browsing through my inbox as i wait for food since im finally unbanned and i just stumbled upon this and its about this thing that i wrote where i was being meeeeean and in light of our last convo i just wanna send you all the love and all the kisses and hugs bcs this made me giggle like an idiot. Thank you for all your essays they make me super happy, knowing someone enjoyed sth i wrote so much theyd sit down and write me this much of a wonderful feedback 🙈😊❤️❤️ love you C!!

[calumhoodgoss]

re: arzaylea accusing the friend group of racism or whatever, just reminded me of a phenomenon that I feel like you kinda have to live to understand but as a fellow aussie you'll probably get more than most: and it's that sydneysiders are fucking bullies

and i mean like insults being the norm, in ways that comes out to look like, for example, far worse racism than what actually happens, and there's a lot of lateral racism especially coming from poc but also that weird comradery of living in the same area too. same way in which queer and neurodivergent folk i grew up with use the worst slurs against both those groups but then are also out there tryna help it get better. idk, that's just what I grew up with and my area wasn't too dissimilar demographically from where they were, working class areas with people with a lot of generational baggage all trying to interact together. and if anyone wouldn't get it it's if you grew up a poc in the usa where conversations about activism happened a lot earlier and are a lot more performative, and from a rich family. like obv we haven't really been taking seriously anything she's said in that era (which on principle I hate treating anyone this way btw, but i'm also protective of luke and sometimes it's just not the time to pick apart everyone) and sometimes it's best to just move on from it all

but in case it does come up, I know this (what I've described above) isn't really the image they put out but 7-9 years ago they were a lot fresher out of oz and you can tell by the way they used to interact with each other. and i feel like i'm always defending the boys and yes there's always gonna be areas they're not exactly role models in but i've seen far too many 'racism' allegations that pick apart wordings of things said by them and their circle rather than look at the bigger picture culturally, and how we all come from a background of racism we're trying to unlearn collectively (which I feel like aussies get rn as we scramble to understand Indigenous rights and reconciliation) and then there's also the fact that no one ever acknowledges the fact calum's half Maori and it would impact him and his experience with all things colonialism and race. and they all do care about him, they care about sierra too--rant's almost over but i just wish we had better conversations about how to actually unlearn racism together rather than just accusing each other of being racist when it's like, no one's completely innocent but the only way things are ever gonna get better is if we all do the work as part of a movement and stop picking each other apart (especially in culturally insensitive ways) and infighting. anyway. disgruntled aussie I guess. i'll get back to real life activism and leave arzaylea alone

very interesting concept. i definitely agree to a certain extent that the cultural difference between American and Australian humour could not be bigger. i feel like over here (particularlyin middle to lower class groups), there is a general understanding between friends that things we say as jokes are not our true feelings on the matter. rather, we discern whether someone respects us through their actions and tone. we very much have a culture where everyone is on the chopping block, no matter what culture or hardship you have

i can totally understand though that these are not the same underlying nuances in America. and the boys not having known that could have said or done things that caused actual harm to people. was that their intent? probably not, but the result is what matters. i have no idea how those situations were handled or how those conversations went; but the least we can expect from them is that if they said something insensitive theyd own up to it and make a conscious effort not to make the same mistake again

yes its a cultural difference for sure, but it doesnt completely absolve them

i dont know the full situation and as you mentioned, arz has been widely accepted as an unreliable source. so who knows how they truly act and what their real attitudes are, but this is an interesting take and worth mulling over for sure

[lovelyrotter]

seriously kill yourself

alright [pulls up a chair n sits on it backwards like an awkward but concerned well meaning dad] hey sport was it the stridercest or my political stances that pushed you over this edge? maybe my queerness or plurality? cause if its the first one kiddo i gotta say. i gotta say buckaroo there are some real problems in this world but fake queers kissing aint one of em bud. if it was my political stances or my identity maybe sit outside, breath the fresh air n think on that for a while. cause that aint lookin good bud. i thought i raised you better. what will your other dad think. we dont believe in physical discipline in this house but we do believe in thinking. i know you know this buddy. i know its really really hard not to tell people to kill themselves but you gotta try. you gotta be the good you want to see in this world kiddo i know you can do it. i hope you know that id never tell you to kill yourself because im grown up enough to know that saying shit like that is wrong no matter how you cut it. we already had the dont punch other kids talk right bud? its exactly like that. we just cant say that to other people no matter how angry you get. if i did kill myself you could be held legally accountable no matter your age so if nothing else think of yourself here buddy. ive got people who care about me who will want to know why i did that, and theyd want compensation if they knew you were the final straw dude. its a damn good thing we're strangers and whatever you say means nothing to me. im just over here worried about you bud. hey instead of trying to make the world smaller how about we scrounge up some change and buy some esims. it could even be fun. we could gather all our quarters and toonies and do some good for other people. i bet you dont like being talked to like a child but thats unfortunately just how i see anons who send death threats. youre having a tantrum maybe even after a bad day and i get that yknow man sometimes i have meltdowns too. we're all some kinda neurodivergent on this site. life is hard but you gotta be kind and you gotta take care of yourself. theres a good chance youve been refreshing my page every so often to check if ive replied to you or not. i know this is a thing cause i did that too after sending my first and only anon hate when i was just 14. i didnt tell anyone to kill themselves cause even back then i knew it was wrong, and it felt good for maybe half an hour after i sent it, but then it started to feel bad yknow? it started to feel really bad. but we can do something about the bad feeling. touch something soft maybe squeeze your pet or a stuffed animal and then come back to me and we can all have dinner and maybe watch your favourite movie

[so-much-nonsense]

potential

one of my niche interests is binge watching. i am almost always watching something. one point in my life i ran out of things to watch. well, not literally, obviously, but i only wanted to watch certain things i completed them. stuff i did not wanna watch very often ends up being bad and boring than not. so as my last straw i have resorted to all languages. i watch content regardless of genre, language, country, age restriction(ahem thats not to say i am not old enough). anyways, during this process kdramas stuck with me as something to watch while i go to sleep or when i dont want too much plot and worry about or even think about it. they never came across having potential to me. i know a lot of others out there would disagree with me but this is just what i feel. theyre always slow paced, very bright, when not very bright trying too hard to be too dark(and failing miserably), no plot that hooks us up. but, BUT, recently, very recently, just 2 hours ago i watched a kdrama named long time no sex. obviously started off bc of the title but god it is so good. i mean, i have only watched 2 episodes really and that is the problem. so far everything they have shown me i cannot wait another 2 days for another two episodes. basically a married couple with no kids, pretty in debit and paying off loans and interests, a couple of insurances, but live comfortably. they start blackmailing others involved in multiple relationships. now the plot might not be the most interesting one ive watched, but the way everything is portrayed bw these two main leads, is more than unique. truly there are only a handful of series or movies that show this comfortable couple dynamic interestingly and god did this drama nail it. though they were a very active couple, they just stopped having sex few months or years back unintentionally and neither of them have had a problem with it. how they never stopped loving each other even though they havent been intimate is portrayed really well. the husband is literally the greenest flag everrrr. let it be when he remembers every single detail about them from 7 years ago or when he tries hugging her and reassures her that its fine if they dont have sex, or when he talks about how having sex is not a duty for married couple and when he sees that shes actually interested he recommends trying to get in the feel by telling each other things they like about one another, every single thing he likes about her is spoken so well and it is very evident how much he loves her. whenever theres a disagreement both of them proceed to talk it out in literally less than 2 minutes. though it might not be realistic, i mean, why is it not realistic? exactly! that is what should be going on and not hours of unnecessary arguments. he is really never afraid of being "lady like" and that makes him all the more manly because he is always very thoughtful and considerate about her and deals softly. no fragile masculinity exists here. i could go on about this man but ill stop lol. i can guess what the future episodes could host but i dont want to this time. this time i just want to be intrigued by it. i cannot wait for them to start having sex again, or its ok even if they decide they are better off this way(which would be totally unexpected). ok i just said that about two characters in drama. guess whos crazy? AND, and the fucking trust they have in each other, shed trust him with her life. even though he is foolish at times she balances it out. when his car got totalled and she found out that he dint tell her she figured a way to get him money instead of getting back at him or starting a fight(not that hed let a fight sustain or theyd go on for more than a minute) bc she knew theres no point in getting upset now that the cars gone and the intention behind his lie is nothing. its almost as if they know each other and communicate. crazy right. its almost as if they love each other.

[the-little-red-noodle]

1-12-23 12:06am

You know it’s bad when she’s getting on tumblr

It’s probably been 10 years, nearly exactly. Where did my coping skills go? Where did my hope go? This can’t be just a boy. This is existential. This is everything wrong. This is the 2 people i loved the last 3 years being passive about my affection. Take it or leave it.

I feel empty. I’m all squeezed out. All the good parts of me were handed out in high school. All the passion, all the butterflies, all the fairytale love went down the drain with Harrison, and i don’t think I’ve been in love with anyone since. I’ve drifted to whichever nest would house me for a couple months, and now it’s catching up to my body. All the use, all the pain, all the abuse. The touches i didn’t want, the trauma of loss, and i don’t even know real loss. Abandonment. I’m a shell. You guys won, I’m empty now. I’ve been pushed between people, and didn’t love myself enough to think about it too much. That should have told everyone that something was wrong.

I haven’t hurt myself since i was 15 or 16. I haven’t had to cover up cuts and dread a hot room and dart my eyes around to see if anyone noticed. I haven’t had to strategize how to avoid revealed skin for long enough that theyd look like cat scratches.

Day 0, again. This is the 2nd time in the last few weeks now. I has this horrible realization that when you’ve had an addiction like this, it’ll find you when you’re at your lowest. Even when you’re 10 years sober. Even when you’re the one moms ask for advice about their girls hurting themselves, and you stare blankly because you legitimately forgot what it felt like. To need that, to do it, to feel the after, to hide it..

it’s hot. Warm to the touch, it feels 10 degrees higher than the rest of me. Rush of immune cells and macrophages. Lysosomes dropping off tangled proteins to ward off the invader bacteria that comes from an open wound.

I’m sorry body. I’m sorry for making you feel like you needed to expend the biomatter to clean up after me. I’m sorry for making you confused. I thought we were passed it, too.

Here you are again, Sam. 10 years later, you’ve wound up in the same mental space. You’ve lost your overachiever mentality for school. You’ve lost becca, a best friend of a decade, and you havent even begun to grieve it because youre so resentful and think youre right. You’re far from your family. Youre in a dark apartment in a city you dont care for. You’re starting to get a bad drug habit, with molly this time, so you can numb the bad and feel good. This ones way better than the weed youre using. Youre still scared to talk to girls. You’re settling for whoever will express sexual interest in you because you so badly want to be chosen. You so badly want for someone to want you and find you intoxicating. You think you used to be, i think i used to be. But a luxury product tarnishes when it’s always on sale.

Coming out of a breakup to people putting in fuck buddy applications just actually solidified that this is how people see me. I’m an object. I’m not ugly, but I’m not smart or sexy enough, I’m not actually worth the trouble i cost. I’m just pushed between rooms to the next person who wants to hold my skin for 20 minutes, say they think my hair is cool, and that I’m so interesting when i haven’t said a word.

Edgar basically telling me that he’s not sure he was ever in love with me, school pitfalls, family fragments, i cant even take care of myself enough to adopt a dog.. i just feel like this unremarkable waste of a person.

I wish that i could block me out. I deleted my instagram. I want to block everyone and delete every phone number and write out every word o hate i think and eat the paper. I feel like the paper cuts would be enough to finally drown me out.

I used to try. I used to have that fire. I would feel like i was getting back on the horse, gallop a couple yards, and then get bucked off. My attitude was my saving grace for this last decade, but it was also contrived. I was the manic pixie dream girl. I clung to that. I wanted to be just that. I wanted to be sparkly and bubbly and brightly colored but I’m cynical and I’m selfish and I’m mean and i talk about friends behind their backs and i start drama and i flirt with people until I’m done with them or get bored and move on, and i half ass things, and i have an attitude with my manager, and i eat like crap, and I’m not as friendly as i used to be, and I’m not as genuine as i used to be, and I’m not as trusting as i used to be.

Can you blame me?

Once you go through this many friendship explosions, this many breakups, this many mental breakdowns, this many panic attacks, this many nights holding a push pin, you just stop trying. I get it, id be sick of me too. Id call me a succubus too. Id uninvite me to parties. Id avoid me like the plague. The only people in my circle in la now are the ones i haven’t burned too bad yet, but i will. Because I’m selfish and bad and it’s all a lie. I’m not sweet. I’m not thoughtful. I’m not empathetic, i clam up when people spill emotions now. I’ve been tarnished. I’ve been ruined. Somewhere along the way, those things i loved about myself became myths that i tried to keep alive.

Everything hurts and I’ll close my eyes and I’ll be fine in a week, and I’ll laugh it off that i just had a bad night, just a couple of bad nights. 

I need sleep, i need physical contact, i need to feel anchored in this week but i so tragically don’t. Becca pulled my roots out of the ground and left me dry and I’ve been laying on the pavement looking up at the world growing apathetic. I deserve this. I’ll stay here.

Sorry to anyone who’s met me, sounds like a bad time ngl

[t-acenda]

quitting my high-paying job and the good-kid luck

someone got promoted today.

there were announcements and congratulations in the group chat, just like how any promotion in the digital age should be celebrated.

my laptop sounded like an alarm clock with the array of notifications ringing up, typical congratulations, yada yada. but one word from my notif panel stuck with me

“dasurv”

yes that exact word, filiipino gay lingo and all

i cant say i wasnt exactly affected, but i was

thats because there were no round of congratulations when i got promoted. and that’s because nobody knew. the time i was being interviewed for my new role i was itching to get out from where i was. i didnt feel like i did a very great job at it, and i know my team mates thought so too thats why they were quick to let me out. the time i was given a choice between staying and leaving it was always a conversation geared towards making me leave:

“jo, im leaving the decision up to you. but if i were you, id take the opportunity since this will be great for you”

“oh but im gonna miss you all. id like to come back when theres a re-org, especially since re-orgs are a natural occurrence in the company”

“oh no, i think this time that will be your permanent position”

theyd even announce that i was leaving 2 months before i was set to transfer, and i havent done any interview yet for that matter.

stuff like that.

so you’d understand why i was desperate to get out. i didnt want to be in a position where nobody wanted me in, and where i feel like im dragging everyone down. 

so when the offer came-- and it was A LOT more than i imagined it to be-- all i can think about was “do i turn down the offer and stay where im not needed, or take it and suffer the internal pressure of living up to a position people are sweating their asses off for while i get it on a silver platter”

obviously i chose the latter.

and that’s what i am dealing with today.

there’s always this pressure of me trying to live up to the role, trying to earn my place in the hectic corporate world. it felt like im bryce dallas howard acting in blockbuster movies just because her dad is a director, while other better aspiring actresses are scrambling with garbage flicks just to get to the top. 

you know what im saying??

thats the reason why i want to quit this job. 

i KNOW im doing a good job, i KNOW im doing the best i can. but it doesnt feel great knowing full well other people deserve your position more than you do. it doesnt help that i accidentally spilled the tea with my old manager, wherein he reacted in the most offending way possible with complete shock, together with a “don’t tell anyone ah. you know how people talk”. thanks for reassuring me that i am not good enough to be here, thank you very much.

i am aware of how lucky i am. i am aware of the immense truckload amount of luck that i have all my life. its like god showered me a huge gigantic massive amount of glimmering luck all my life and equal parts of imposter syndrome tendencies to compensate for my lack of skill and self-belief.

and thats when i realized i had the good-kid luck. back in grade school i was the typical shy awkward kid. i had good grades and the teachers loved me for being unproblematic. i got award after award until highschool. come college, i realized i actually wasnt smart. i was just the good kid. in college, professors dont care about who the fuck you are. thats why the charm worn off. grades suffered badly despite me giving the same amount of effort that i did in my golden younger years. i was back to being antisocial, a downward curve that peaked during my highschool years.

come my first job. it was the easiest thing since graduating after college. my good-kid luck returned and my boss loved me. always telling me i was doing a great job and all. and when she recommended me for promotion before my first yr at work i was only half surprised. i knew the charm was running again but the anxiety of knowing to myself that it felt too easy and effortless killed me.

after i quit my first job, i quickly jumped to another one. another easy breezy step for the good kid since i was referred to by a friend of mine. and a year into the job here i am being promoted even though i was always lost and felt like i was highly dependent on my boss.

but on the flip side, i am here now. and no one can do anything about it. 

finally i feel like this is the role where i can redeem myself. this scope was familiar ground, i can work with it

but i sill cant help but wonder how it would feel like to quit, and actually work from the bottom to the top without any help from the good kid luck.

i want to buy a car without guilt written in the price tag. i want to go to work knowing i can introduce myself and my role without rewording it to something a little more generic.

i want to congratulate myself with a very well-thought of “dasurv”.