#think of it as carcinization but for the stars

[montereybayaquarium]

It’s time for Zodiac signs as shrimp (and other close shrimp-like relatives)! 🦐✨

🌜☀️✨ Part 2 ✨ ☀️🌛

Sea the rest in 🌜☀️✨ Part 1! ✨ ☀️🌛

Thanks to our fronds at NOAA for the image of the goblin shrimp!

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Starcatcher

Debut: Insaniquarium

“Starcatcher” is such a magical sounding name! The magic of a shooting star, now harnessed by a creature? How delightful! It must be full of magic and made of dreams and it probably even poops diamonds.

Actually, it is a stupid little doofus idiot! And please know that when I make fun of this creature I mean it 100% affectionately, because I love it and I love it exactly the way it is and would change nothing! It does poop diamonds, though. I’ll get to that.

So! Starcatcher is a “Fish”, and it’s easy to think of it as more of a cephalopod with its dangly tentacles, but it only has the four, all in a line! This is, in fact, a relic of a simpler time...

A time when it was an arthropod, in the original version of the game! Basically the same, just with a more vacant stare, and some crabby legs. Starcatcher would end up being a victim of Reverse Carcinization, evolving away from a crab-like body plan! I think it’s for the best it was changed, though. Insaniquarium Deluxe would introduce our friend Guppycruncher, a much more blatantly arthropodian creature, who inherited the scuttley style of legs, and Starcatcher would get new appendages that fit its rounder, softer body. And of course its OwO face!

That OwO face would become more of an 0w0 face, and is really one of the wackiest things about its anatomy! Starcatcher eats stars. Starcatcher’s name indicates that it Catches stars. And I’m sure you have seen the massive gaping hole in Starcatcher’s head. It’s noticeable. And that’s how it eats! Stars fall into that hole, and are eaten. That flower pot hole is a dang mouth! Then is the cutesy cat smile just for show?

It is not! When a Starcatcher begins dying of hunger because its gaping mouth hole has not been filled with celestial objects, its smile becomes a frown! So it IS a mouth, just not used for eating! At least not for eating stars. Maybe in the wild it forages on the bottom of the sea, and catches detritus in the top mouth? Whatever the case, it poops diamonds, and that makes it economically valuable.

Where do Stars come from, anyway? Space? No! That would make sense! They come from Fish. Regular Guppies drop Money, of course, but Star Guppies drop Stars, and that’s Better! Also highly unnatural, but don’t tell anyone. If an adult Guppy eats a Star Potion, it will become a Star Guppy! But an immature Guppy will instantly explode and die upon trying to eat the potion. It is not appropriate for children! But yeah, Star Guppies drop Stars that Starcatcher catches, and Starcatcher makes Diamonds which are even better than better.

Anyway, I would not be surprised if Starcatcher was an entirely unnatural being, since it seems to die almost immediately if it is not fed the byproduct of mad science. What a life this thing lives! The little doofus idiot. Wonderful creature!

[petrichorvoices]

as i said, making my own post

so like, species and humanity in the world of The Mechanisms. what’s the deal here?? is it that Earth was the only planet with life that then over millennia spread out through the stars? was there life everywhere that all evolved into a human-like form, like a human carcinization? are the album characters all distinctly nonhuman aliens and we just don’t know because it’s not important to the story????

for a scifi project, there’s a distinct lack of aliens in the Mechanisms. the only things coming to mind that could perhaps count are the octokittens {which could very easily be a product of one of Raphaella’s experiments} and the elder gods or whatnot from The Bifrost Incident {where’s the distinction drawn between god and alien?}. robots certainly exist, considering The Toy Soldier {and perhaps Drumbot Brian, though i think in technicality he’s a cyborg like the rest of them}, but those aren’t typically what you think of when you think of aliens

and all of the Mechs come from different planets, different places. Jonny is from New Texas, Ashes is from Malone, Gunpowder Tim is from Earth. yet, their mechanizations aside, they do all seem to be human {apart from Toy Soldier and Aurora}. there’s appearances, of course, but none of the songs nor fiction give us any indication of any nonhuman traits or instincts either

so it comes back to that initial question again. did Earthlings simply colonize space {potentially supported by Jonny’s origin being called New Texas, though of course we can’t 100% trust Jonny}, or is there simply a human carcinization thing going on???

[insanepoll]

HEHEHEHEHEHE

Blaseball Characters part 3!

Lōotcrates: Makes magical equipment for players, makes clones of players, probably a god??? Definitely a lame-ass librarian/affectionate, technically a sentient pile of boxes but also technically the physical embodiment of the Vault where stored players and items go, their stadium canonically has Zero protection against the elements despite being inside of the supposed safety vault and also canonically has a mega fuckton of birds and salmon for some reason. Technically the narrator of blaseball, which gets them into fights with SIBR (Society of Internet Blaseball Research) on the classical historian issue of "accuracy vs. storytelling". Definitely fucked off to the Vault when the sun blew up. Most people hate them but I am very attached to this freak.

Chorby Short: Argentinian magical girl and herpetologist that can turn into a frog, they once batted for literal hours due to their blood type keeping them in by hitting foul balls (112 in total) against a crazy good pitcher. Got redacted after getting hit with a pitch from York Silk before re-emerging a season later. Went back and forth between the New York Millenials and the Boston Flowers for a while. got traded rapidly between four teams before landing in Breckenridge. Became a theatre kid on the Breckenridge Jazz Hands. Also, they're queer and have been on 9 active teams. The Garages have a song about them, and as of falling out of the black hole, they're on the Core Mechanics now! They could kill a god by themself, I think.

Nagomi McDaniel: technically the child of dead people (Japanese mom that grew up in Hawai'i and a Scottish dad) , she started off in Hades before going to Hawai'i, growing up there, becoming an ASL interpreter (she's selectively mute), and eventually getting married to the mother of another player named York Silk, whom Nagomi taught the basics of blaseball to. Nagomi played for Hades for one season before getting pulled to the Fridays. She was transferred to the Baltimore Crabs after a while, became carcinized (took on some aspects of a crab), and got her head chopped off and regenerated as a gift from a technically dead crab god (that all of Baltimore had a part in technically killing) named Deborah. Was the first player to steal every base. She had to deal with York getting trapped in a giant peanut shell and eventually getting controlled by a peanut god. She discovered her love for Japanese jazz on the Breckenridge Jazz Hands, and also took turns with Valentines Games hunting each other for sport. For Some Reason. Nagomi then got trapped in a giant peanut shell by the peanut god for being too popular for like three seasons and was yoinked back to Baltimore. Started siphoning blood from people for stat boosts pretty soon after being cracked out of the shell by birds. Was able to eat umpire flame instead of getting incinerated. She had to play against York while he was being controlled by the peanut god. Then her team ascended after 3 championship wins, and she was pulled back to the Fridays with no chance to say goodbye. All of her original teammates are either dead or on other teams at this point, including york, the kid she helped raise. She then got traded to the flowers, briefly got to reunite with her wife and York, and then started getting bit by sharks (called consumers) in an effort to protect other players. She got sent back to the Crabs AGAIN, got bit and lost the last of her soul, became redacted, and then exited the secret base (oh yeah blaseball has one of those) onto the Maimi Dalé's team. Then she got sent to the Mexico City Wild Wings before being pretty quickly Vaulted after that for being too popular or something. York got Vaulted soon after.

Note: there's a real explanation for why she and York got Vaulted, but it's complicated and has to do with star density, and if I get into that someone from SIBR is gonna explode on the spot from sheer stress.

the fact that there's a latine character tells me i was right to route for blaseball. also "the child of dead people" sounds metal af

[pootisart]

The Stars Above - Carcinization of Conquerer

The Balance Breaker of Cru Staion, the wielder of Perfect Infestation Splendor Cancer.

I personally think Crabulon's kinda overrated but I think he deserves a W every once in a while.

Design is based on Fallout's Mirelurk Queens

[fshoulders]

The other day someone on Mastodon (I have not managed to re-discover the post. Decentralization plays merry hell with search.) posted simply “CrabGPT”. And I couldn’t help thinking about how natural evolutionary pressures lead to carcinization: how over and over again, different lineages of organism become crabs.

I wondered, could we assist the large language models and large image models to evolve into nature’s perfect form? Could we help the “AIs” become crabs?

They don’t have any factual basis. They don’t know what anything is. Why not teach them that crabs are everything?

Probably we would need to refrain from helpful organizing tags (to facilitate the models believing everything is crab), and it might therefore be a little annoying to fellow users who would prefer to be able to block, say, fanart of the cast of Star Trek as crabs, or slash about your blorbos getting vulnerable with each other during their exoskeletal molts. However, the entire situation is already pretty annoying. And at least this way we would be taking it into our own claws. *clack clack*

🦀

[vivisols]

weird question, will you ever write about a mermaid animatronic? Like one specifically built for the water without being biological?

Idk I feel like you would write something like that, animatronic tails and all

Also bonus question thats right, bonus question

do you only like mermaids? Or fish people in general? What other types of aquatic beings may we see? Again like in general not just your current fic- perhaps future fics will we see frog people? Or some other made up critters? Is it just fish?

final question, do you have any lore for leviathans? Or are those not apart of the world, wether as a class of mermaid or some other creature entirely?

that’s all, may you find you find fun in writing, as always

GRAHHHHHHHH ANON!!!!!! ANON YOU HAVE NO IDEAAAAAAA!!!!

my next fic after the future stares back!!!! is ACTUALLY about mer animatronic y/n!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AUSJSSUNSJNS MY JAW LITERALLY DROPPED WHEN I SAW THIS ASK LIKE XD!!! WOWZERS someone actually managed to somehow mention mer animatronics to me out of the blue!!! do they know!!

…then again i feel like it was predictable somehow, considering how obvious my love for both mers and robots is xDDD (honestly if you want more info on the au in question feel free to ask, im going SO feral about it LMAO)

and omg!!! Bonus questions!!!!!! >:3

i love fish people in general!! if the biology is weird and interesting, im interested!!! speculative biology and evolution and genetics and all that are a biggggg interest of mine lolz xD mers may have captured my heart, but i love humanoid and non-humanoid aquatic critters alike SO much!!

in the future stares back, we definitely will see some more types of aquatic future humans!! im still settling on some designs, but im thinking of like… some real non traditional picks! crab-like/carcinized humans are definitely one of the big ones! (Really only because i think carcinization is cool LMAO)

hmmm… in future fics… AUGHHHHHH anon im so feral…. ive definitely got a LOTTTT planned but nothing set in stone yet! but just know that the answer is 100% a. BIG yes!

hehe leviathan lore >:3c…. in claw at the stars, leviathans are really just mers with some specialized features that let them grow super big xD in general that’s the explanation i usually roll with for standard mer aus, some variation depending on the world! (i.e. traits, locations, culture, traditions, language, appearance, etc.)

between you and me anon…. honestly ive kinda been rotating a leviathan!au in my brain for a WHILEEEE like… even before claw at the stars. but weee don’t talk about that LMAOOO

[puppyeared]

waddle dee and mk headcanons under the cut

even though waddle dees and waddle doos look really similar, and even refer to each other as cousins, waddle doos are actually closely related to Kracko. Waddle doos just happen to look similar and have the same features as waddle dees, but this is misleading. It's basically dreamland's version of carcinization

idk how sailor dee joined MK's crew (in canon or whatever idea is most agreed upon in the fanbase), but I'd like to think he snuck on the ship as a stowaway. he just wanted to see the inside of the ship, but got stuck on it when it actually took off. I guess MK made him do some chores as a small slap on the wrist (although dedede doesnt really count the waddle dees, so itd probably be a while before he notices one missing) but did some thinking and thought it would be good to have extra help on the ship, with ddd's permission of course and the kid's adorable come ON

also sailor dee is small, so they just cleaned up an old broom closet on the ship for him as his quarters; he has a hammock, and a small shelf for personal belongings, clothes, toys, etc. any drawings he makes in his free time get taped to the door by one of the Meta-Knights.

I also mentioned this in the kirby suburbs server god im so sorry for clogging up the channel, but i also have some headcanons for the waddle dees bc i love them

waddle dees use any pronouns (but i usually use he or they), they all wear the same smock. originally i wanted dedede to call each of them using different pronunciations of "waddle dee" like ice king to gunter, but i think the name tag thing is way funnier. its basically dedede wanting to be a little polite and call each of them by their name, so he made the name tag system so he could tell them apart. but the thing is that theyre ALL NAMED WADDLE DEE, so it backfired lmao

but the waddle dees are nice so they kept the name tag thing even after dedede figured out it wasnt gonna work and stopped putting name tags on them. instead, they all made their own name tags bc they like making them and they all wanna feel a little special (and they dont understand WHY they need nametags, for them its like idk why the king wanted us to do this but its ok :) this is fun :))

also it indirectly ended up working anyway because you can tell a little bit of what each waddle dee is like based on their name tag; like one might like baking so they made their name tag shaped like a biscuit, another might like knitting so they knitted a freaking name tag, maybe one really likes being a little fancy so they wrote their name in cursive, or one just wanted to feel included so they scribbled their name on a piece of paper and slapped it on their shirt.

also waddle dees can stick to each other like balloon friction. this can happen accidentally when they cuddle, or when dedede gets bored and wants to see how many waddle dees it takes to reach the ceiling. this is how you get the waddle dee balls in star allies

i cant imagine the waddle dees having a set age, so i threw that out the window, theyre all mcdonalds cup small size. they dont have an age, theres technically no biologically oldest or youngest waddle dee UNLESS you get assigned youngest, which is sailor dee, he is considered youngest waddle dee by popular opinion (dedede usually calls them kids bc theyre jUST LITTLE GUYS!! but this isnt to ship them with adult characters, i just cant think of an age that would best represent them as gijinkas)

when you pick up waddle dees you scoop them up like puppies :)

for my purposes, king dedede became the waddle dees ruler by accident and never bothered to correct them. he found one outside the castle and nursed it back to health, but his robe kind of resembles a kings robe, so it mistook him for a king. and waddle dees have some sort of hive mind, so waddle dees just kept showing up at dedede's castle (he found bandee passed out carrying another waddle dee as opposed to the lone waddle dee, so dedede took a liking to him all the way from the start)

on a related note, bandee is more active and energetic compared to the other waddle dees, which tend to loiter around the castle or outside. kirby likes playing with him because hes usually down to do whatever kirby wants to do, theyre best friends <3

idk how the GSA works in the anime, but im placing meta knight somewhere lower on the warrior hierarchy. not exactly legendary veteran among their ranks, but not unexperienced; they assigned him to popstar long before kirby arrived so he's kind of on standby and doesn't report to them unless they contact him first (and then the GSA disbanded or something and MK never found out and still thinks hes on standby, idk)

so MK is more awkward and by the book because he starts out doing everything the way he was trained, not with a certain experience you earn on the field. he does mellow out, so hes less stiff even though he still keeps to himself. hes not really jaded either, just not very social and not good at conversations (which ppl misinterpret as being cool and edgy? kind of true)

the scar on his face is from the first time he encountered kirby. dreamland is relatively peaceful so he hasnt had to face off against anyone in years, and this was before he and kirby were properly acquainted. thats also what motivatds him to train more of his own free will rather than whats been expected of him, both to be a good role model/mentor/dad to kirby, and to do things for himself.

bandee may be dedede's second in command/kid, but MK is dededes husbands no questions asked. if you ask them if theyre dating dedede will probably say something like "we're bfs," and he doesnt tell you if that means boyfriends or best friends, but its between them so thats that

[taketheringtolohac]

i’ve been working on the most self indulgent au for about a week now and I thought i’d share my thoughts. now presenting... my ace attorney blaseball au! including teams, positions, modifications and more about all the ace attorney characters i could think of and how they would play blaseball. you can also find it on ao3 here, but ive included all the information i have below the cut!

Blase Attorney (Blaseball Ace Attorney AU)

Phoenix- 

Team: Yellowstone Magic

Position: Batter

Modifications: Seeker

Details: one of the first replacements in the game, he was originally just a blaseball fan who was following around miles edgeworth his childhood friend to his games (disguised as him going to see Larry play) and sort of wished that he could play so he could get closer to miles and is at a magic/steaks game that miles is pitching when someone gets incinerated and suddenly he’s on the field in a jersey with a glove and that really messes him up, he's a pretty good player not a star player but definitely a solid one, gets the seeker mod in the season 19 tarot reading

Notable Forbidden Knowledge:  REALLY high martyrdom

Maya

Team: Yellowstone Magic

Position: Batter

Modifications: Haunted

Details: she replaced Mia when she was incinerated and isn’t a season 1 player but has been here so long that it FEELS like she is, isn’t great at the game and has like really bad forbidden knowledge stats but she occasionally hits a surprise dinger and the fans love her so they infuse her and she becomes a serviceable batter, is constantly filled with guilt and emotions about being the person who replaced her sister she gets the haunted mod in an election

Notable Forbidden Knowledge: high base thirst, really good divinity that only gets better after her infuse

Edgeworth- 

Team: Dallas Steaks

Position: Pitcher

Modifications: None

Details: season one player who didn’t really want to join blaseball but he took it in stride and he wasn’t very good at first but he got a blessing that MADE him good and he’s miraculously been on the team the whole time, originally placed in good league because Fran was in Evil and von Karma wanted them to dominate the game and become the best in their respective leagues, still one of the best players in the game, his dad still dies somehow, refuses to “buy into” the dad bit from the steaks and insists that he was just placed here

Notable Forbidden Knowledge: EXCEPTIONAL ruthlessness (one of the highest in the game), good other stats as well, just a really solid PITCHING statline, his other stuff isn’t good

Franziska- 

Team: Hades Tigers

Position: Pitcher

Modifications: Friend of Crows

Details: season one player who fans LOVE even though she hates everything about the game and the circumstances in which she’s here, she’s a naturally good player but she lets up a lot of home runs, she receives the friend of crows modifier in season 10 much to her dismay, ALMOST pitched a perfect season and then absolutely RUINED it in the last game and it crushed her

Notable Forbidden Knowledge: higher highs than miles but also lower lows, in particular her overpowerment isn’t very good, she is also a more well rounded player and would also be a fine batter (solid thwack)

Gumshoe-

Team: Originally on the LA Unlimited Tacos, then feedbacked to the San Fransisco Lovers

Position: Batter

Modifications: Siphon, Attractor

Details: season one player that is beloved by the fans and he’s decent at the game but he always tries to steal bases but he is so bad at it, he’s the teams siphon but he NEVER drinks blood except to draw a walk, he ends up getting redacted because of consumer attacks and is probably one of the first to do so despite him having QUITE a bit of soul, he becomes Wyatt Gumshoe in the Wyatt Masoning

Notable Forbidden Knowledge: GREAT thwackability, bad everything else which makes for a really interesting player to say the least

Athena- 

Team: Miami Dale

Position: Pitcher

Modifications: None

Details: POWERFUL ARMS also she is a replacement player she probably becomes a replacement after Simon does and she got into blaseball because of that cute flowers pitcher and now she’s here but she LOVES Miami and she LOVES being bad at the game, she leans really hard into the neon aesthetic

Notable Forbidden Knowledge: good unthwackability and ok ruthlessness, shakespeareanism is her highest stat, would also be a great batter and has really good thwackability and divinity, GREAT vibes

Apollo- 

Team: Mexico City Wild Wings

Position: Batter

Modifications: None

Details: founding member of the wings legal team who’s another replacement player that FEELS like he’s a season 1 player, he isn’t very good in general but REALLY good for the wings and is probably the mvp at some point but like he’s a really inconsistent hitter but when he DOES hit its POWERFUL and he gets a lot of RBI’s 

Notable Forbidden Knowledge: SHOCKINGLY good musclitude and ground friction, GOD awful moxie

Larry- 

Team: Dallas Steaks

Position: Batter

Modifications: None

Details: season one player who is like the teams designated player we beat up on because they’re awful but we love them, gets shadowed in the expansion era because he just wasn’t good anymore and he REFUSED to leave, he is the definition of “YOU CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS,” would always party but his forbidden knowledge is TRASH so it was never worth anything because he’s top ten in the league for career strikeouts

Notable Forbidden Knowledge: REALLY HIGH PATHETICISM HOLY SHIT but good ground friction and like, ok musclitude

Ema- 

Team: Kansas City Breath Mints

Position: Batter

Modifications: Fire Eater

Details: replaced the first player incinerated on the team so she has a lot of fans because she’s been here a while but like also her career is forever impacted by the fact that people mourned so deeply before really appreciating her and a lot of fans can never really love her in the same way, but she has fire eater now and WILL cut a bitch down to size, she’s also definitely been attacked by consumers though, she also parties a LOT

Notable Forbidden Knowledge: good defender, high omniscience and tenaciousness

Lang- 

Team: Houston Spies

Position: Batter

Modifications: Maximalist, Siphon

Details: replaced a SUPER popular player who was REALLY good at the game and struggled with a lot of the implications of their legacy but he ALSO became really good and a really iconic player to the team and eventually became a fan favorite, LITERALLY cannot stop freaking drinking blood hes so fucking massive now holy shit but like only his baserunning

Notable Forbidden Knowledge: PHENOMENAL baserunning just in general but his base thirst is low so he doesn’t actually steal that much, SUPER high moxie and musclitude

Kristoph-

Team: Baltimore Crabs

Position: Pitcher

Modifications: Returned, Debt

Details: season 1 player who was a really aggressively middling player who had deceptively high stars and they could never get rid of him until he finally got incinerated in late season 6/early season 7 but he gets necromancy-d on accident and no one wanted this now he just haunts the league, he joined blaseball to get notoriety and some level of fame and convinced Klavier to join him

Notable Forbidden Knowledge: high coldness and ok ruthlessness, unthwackability is fine, shakespeareanism is also good

Klavier- 

Team: Originally on the Crabs, but feedbacked to the Seattle Garages

Position: Batter

Modifications: Spicy

Details: he signed up when Kristoph did. because he said that this would be something good to do as brothers and they even signed to the same team, carcinization really freaked him out but he was a season 1 crab and no one knew what would happen, he Feedbacked in like season 6 and kris got incinerated really shortly after he feedbacked which messed him up, he loves the garages vibes WAY more than he liked the crabs

Notable Forbidden Knowledge: high moxie and indulgence

Kay- 

Team: Charleston Shoe Thieves

Position: Batter

Modifications: Flippers

Details: shoe thieves, batter, she was originally a shadows player and just sat there doing great thief things until she got called up for having very sneaky good stats (rod.net style) where she singles a lot and then just steals her way to third/home, voted to trust her in season 11 and now she has cool flippers

Notable Forbidden Knowledge: really high basethirst and laserlikeness, also very high anticapitalism, good thwack subpar musclitude

Sebastian- 

Team: New York Millennials, possible feedback to the Thieves?

Position: Pitcher

Modifications: None

Details: his dad was a famous blaseball player before the ILB so he signed him up to play and didn’t get on the roster until maybe like season 9, really dramatic arc where he starts out really bad but slowly through incremental stat increases becomes pretty ok but then has a devastating allergic reaction and ends up having to be shadowed because he’s just unsaveable at this point, but still a big fan fave and people still talk about them, he would’ve been a pretty ok batter with really high defense but peanut destroyed that too

Notable Forbidden Knowledge: high highs and low lows and vibes are just… there

Juniper-

Team: Boston Flowers

Position: Originally a batter, but reverbs into Pitching

Modifications: None

Details: season 1 player who is really popular amongst the fans but isn’t well known outside of the fanbase she joined blaseball because she didn’t really have a choice and she was just working at the garden, she wasn’t a great batter but she’s a shockingly good pitcher, she had partied so much that she is now just undeniably good solely because she has partied THAT much

Notable Forbidden Knowledge: SHOCKINGLY good ruthlessness, its her only good stat though until parties make her good

Simon- 

Team: Chicago Firefighters

Position: Batter

Modifications: Ego+

Details: another late season replacement that was made to be a edgelord with really good stat set up and he’s a super consistent batter who just also gets walked a lot and has a LOT of thirsty fans, REALLY good at dunking, one of the best idols for solo seeds but ONLY for a SINGLE season because he just underperforms his stars for NO reason and its infuriating, joined because he didn’t want athena to get recruited but she followed him anyways to find out what the hell happened to him and why he just vanished

Notable Forbidden Knowledge: HIGH musc/thwack/martyr with really low patheticism, absolutely ATROCIOUS vibes

Godot- 

Team: Hellmouth Sunbeams, roams to the Tokyo Lift and then to the Canada Moist Talkers

Position: Pitcher

Modifications: Roamin’

Details: a season 1 player who would be a MUCH better batter but REFUSES to leave the rotation with deceptively high stars and one of the first players to get roamin’ and actually becomes good because of it infuriating LITERALLY everyone

Notable Forbidden Knowledge: have you seen bright zim? Yeah its just that. He has sixteen fingers for no reason

Trucy- 

Team: Originally a Philadelphia Pies player, but feedbacks to the Yellowstone Magic

Position: Pitcher

Modifications: None

Details: Phoenix becomes her dad after she feedbacks, later season replacement probably surrounding the s7 instabilities and beanings and she got REALLY popular REALLY fast with the pies fans and over siesta but then she gets traded like the Monday after and it breaks the fans hearts, she’s not very good but she gets alternated into BEING good

Notable Forbidden Knowledge: moxie queen! Also chasiness and continuation, as well as good musclitude and vibes

Nahyuta-

Team: Originally on the Beams, but feedbacks to the Hawai’i Fridays

Position: Pitcher

Modifications: Attractor

Details: expansion era player who replaced an absolutely GARBAGE player so the fans are DELIGHTED by him, lets up a lot of walks but has shockingly pitched a no hitter despite only being here since season 13, was infused because of his good forbidden knowledge stats, still gets faxed out of the game because he has games where he just lets up a RIDICULOUS amount of runs, actually fit in really well with the Fridays, was observed (by Kristoph?) and then got redacted 

Notable Forbidden Knowledge: uncle plasma… 2! Also REALLY big vibes range

Justine Courtney-

Team: New York Millennials, traded to the Breckenridge Jazz Hands

Position: Pitcher

Modifications: None

Details: joined the team before Sebastian probably around season 5, was pretty average at pitching but ate a peanut and had a yummy reaction which made her slightly above average but subpar ruthlessness made her still not great, traded away to the Jazz Hands after Sebastian was shadowed, really polarizing for fans there was a lot of fighting about whether or not to trade her from fans

Notable Forbidden Knowledge: ok ruthlessness

Mia-

Team: Yellowstone Magic

Position: Batter

Modifications: None

Details: was the season 1 stand out batter for the magic, she was a REALLY good season 1 player that fans STILL talk about even though she’s been dead since season 3, she was the person who was standing next to Phoenix when he appeared on the field and caught the ball that was flying towards him before it hit him in the face and she took it upon himself to get him acclimated to the game, she thought of him as a kid brother, she tried to keep Maya away from blaseball but couldn’t stop her from watching on TV, she originally joined to get away from the Fey clan and to try and do something with her life and also possibly find out what happened to her mother and she was promised social power and unlimited access to information

Notable Forbidden Knowledge: really solid statline for someone who never saw any improvements

Phoenix and Miles get together around season 6, right before the Jaylen stuff, then break up because they were both having a lot of emotions about the whole necromancy business and Miles was always on the idol board and there was a lot of uncertainty in their lives. I think a necromancy of Kristoph probably happens in the Expansion Era and he tries to get revenge on Phoenix for god knows what, and Miles ends up getting close with him again after a whole Grand Siesta of just being really emotionally charged friends and finally get together AGAIN in season 13 after a consumer attacks Phoenix, but this time they STAY together and probably get married because they're just so scared of losing each other.

 Kay gets to fight god in season 9, no this probably wouldn't have been possible if she was a shadows player originally but uwu <3

Kay and Miles get to know each other because she tried to steal Miles shoes, but he caught her. He offered to make her dinner and they just had a good time, Kay hadn’t really been shown that kind of kindness in a WHILE and she... missed that sort of father figure in her life... so she just keeps trying to steal things from Miles and getting caught until he finally tells her that she can just... come over through the front door. He will never say that she is his daughter out loud, but the collective dadconcious Knows, and tells him that they are proud of him.

 Maya and Franziska are rivals. They hate each other. When Maya gets 0 no it only makes it worse because it "ruins" Franziska's perfection as a pitcher and forces her to throw balls. They get to know each other over these pitch offs and start to realize that they actually aren't that different. Gay rights. They kiss. They have a great time over the Grand Siesta and make fun of their brothers, but they both have emergency bags in case the other one dies.

 Dahlia Hawthrone would never get involved in Blaseball and everything she does is outside of the game but if she was she'd be on the Boston Flowers and she would be her team's Pudge. A god awful player who on occasion actually does something good and half the fans love her because of her character and half the fans hate her for the same reason and also she sucks at the game.

 Most of them also still have their law degrees and also keep some semblance of what they do in the actual ace attorney games, except Ema who has of course factually failed the bar exam by nature of being on The Breath Mints.

[jirnkirks]

Helloooo I am now incoherently screaming about Hiroto and Famous. can please get uhhh 6, 19, 20, 21, 24, and uhh 33 for the blaseball asks? <3

ARENT WE ALL FCVK god i think abt them contstantly its terminal

send me a number from this post!

6. storyline you keep coming back to again and again (e.g. mike townsend arc, jaylen hotdogfingers’ resurrection, snackrifice, tillman henderson’s return)

i dont know if this fully counts, like i wasnt here for a lot of the TDE stuff but i think the biggest is maybe aldon's vaulting and our lore of vis replicas?? OH also god famous.... famous pitched our first death way back in s3, and they pitched our first ambush, our first return. they pitched the gods spitting on us and incinerating plums in front of us. famous goddamn owens, here for death, here for undeath, smiling through it all.

19. a headcanon somebody else convinced you of

hmm this is hard.... BLASEBALL IS ALL HEADCANON... i think the biggest thing is lit...everything abt moody cookbook moody my beloody.... moody living on, in part, as part of the storm that is landry violence, living on in hiroto's earring, in a stone dunlap owns, in fish, in meng. bits and pieces and not quite complete, but still they live. still they watch. not even waiting for their own return, no, that's too selfish. and yet we came anyway. (hello moody)

20. stupid character lore concept that lives in your head rent free

where does rigby fall on this... like hesa a cute lil goldfish who's trapped in a cube of water, has 28 fuckign stars and killed poseidon. rigby friedrich, godkiller, tired, unrepentant. cute lil goldfish.

if not... im not sure bcus if u mean stupid as in rly silly theres not so many because i like crying LMAO oh im planning to submit an irm where famous is just a bitch ass raccoon who keeps showing up to games (already on wiki) and lottie the name of this tiny baby racoon who started showing after famous came back after a long disappearance. no one knows where they come from but famous is protective of lottie despite lottie constantly biting people and running around and fucking shit up. its very cute! and very dumb! i think lottie should be allowed a lil irm nonsense, as a treat.

21. really good character lore concept that lives in your head rent free

OH FUCK shit shiiit okay. i automatically am a lil soft for anything thats a being bigger than this existence folding itself up for or because of blaseball- moody, ren, my hc lottie, kinda landry are def part of this. oh gloria bugsnax, esp this fic on ao3? absolutely one of my favorite things. im also obssessed with nicholas mora, the stars and his little froggy son and how he unobtrusively plays a part in the way the stars have unfolded, not due to power or ability, but because he knows this story already and yet here he is, trapped like a fucking pleb like the rest of us

also i like carcinization

24. what’s the most Hiatus Brain thing you’ve done so far this siesta?

idk if this counts but ive been making a truly godawful amount of blaseball art this past couple of weeks. its fucking ridicoulous. i wANT TO WRITE THOUGH

33. favorite aspect of blaseball

ngl i think this is an old thing, but creatively, i greatly enjoy having a very loose canon to play with- i need to consume media to get into it, but i have so much freedom to play w appearances and nuances its a lot of fun. i think coming together to brainrot together is quite fun, and a close second is like...fucking w this splort as a sport with other fans

[shadowofmoths]

top 5 crabs players! top 5 childhood books! top 5 musicals!

crabs players!

1. sutton dreamy!! i have never once seen her contribute constructively to a blaseball game but i am in love with her, so.

2. oliver notarobot! he’s my Idol and a very good human boy made of flesh :)

3. parker parra. i just think they’re neat!

4. montgomery bullock. just because i think it’s REALLY funny that he is the physical manifestation of Montgomery County, Maryland. we call him MoCo

5. i’m putting valentine games and nagomi mcdaniel here bc they may no longer be on the team, but they are still crabs and i miss them. carcinization is forever and they will return to the oldest bay eventually!

childhood books:

1. NARNIA which is at the top bc i still read em all the time,,

2. i was fucking, obsessed w magic treehouse esp the one “christmas in camelot”

3. percy jackson, obvi.

4. 39 clues was so cool to me as a kid and then i read the synopsis awhile back? that series was BUCK WILD

5. the rly niche star wars books that i like. tried to memorize, which were the new essential guide to alien species and the new essential guide to chronology. i didn’t read star wars books, i read star wars books ABOUT star wars books.

musicals,, is SO hard to rank but i will try.

1. les mis. i pretend i have pretentious musical opinions and i do but at the end of the day i just like gay revolutionaries

2. dave malloy’s moby dick ! here’s the pretentious opinions.

3. ghost quartet!!!!!!!!!

4. great comet. this is just a malloysicals list i’m,

5. guys and dolls was the first musical i ever saw and i think it’s GREAT.

honorable mention to cats bc even if it may not be “good” it’s fun as SHIT and i appreciate musicals that are just incomprehensible, which we can tell bc ghost quartet is on here.

[montereybayaquarium]

It’s time for Zodiac signs as shrimp (and other close shrimp-like relatives)! 🦐✨

🌜☀️✨ Part 1 ✨ ☀️🌛

Sea the rest in 🌜☀️✨ Part 2! ✨ ☀️🌛

Thanks to our fronds @mbari-blog for the image of the transparent shrimp! (which is technically an amphipod, but shhhhhh)

[mitchipedia]

Baroque sexual frustration and repression, Jimmy Durante, Peter Frampton, and more links for Monday 11/30/2020

There’s something happening here. [ Paul Campos at Lawyers, Guns & Money] – “I have a pet theory, which is that approximately 87.53% of right wing politics in this country is driven by the working out of various baroque forms of sexual frustration and repression.”

I find some of the right-wing AOC BDSM memes hilarious, even though I suspect they are hoaxes.

Jimmy Durante: Winner by a Nose – World famous jazz musician, comedian and celebrity, interviewed by the Saturday Evening Post in 1950:

The average man or woman with a physical peculiarity finds it a little embarrassing, and members of the acting profession regard a slightly prognathous jaw or thick ankles as nothing short of a calamity. But for the past 27 years one entertainer has gloried in his ugliness. That man, of course, is Jimmy Durante, who has frequently boasted, ‘Dere’s a million good-lookin’ guys, but I’m a novelty!’ Durante is the proud possessor of an ugly, oversized nose. He is short, almost entirely bald, recessive-chinned, weasel-eyed, and sloping-headed.

Jimmy Durante [Wikipedia]

James Francis Durante (/dəˈrænti/ də-RAN-tee, Italian: [duˈrante]; February 10, 1893 – January 29, 1980) was an American actor, comedian, singer, and pianist. His distinctive gravelly speech, Lower East Side accent, comic language-butchery, jazz-influenced songs, and prominent nose helped make him one of America’s most familiar and popular personalities of the 1920s through the 1970s. He often referred to his nose as the schnozzola (Italianization of the American Yiddish slang word schnoz “big nose”), and the word became his nickname.

When a deep red town’s only grocery closed, city hall opened its own store. Just don’t call it ‘socialism.’ – Baldwin, Fla., opened a town-run grocery store after becoming a food desert. [Antonia Noori Farzan/The Washington Post]

Evolutionary trait carcinization makes crabs of different species – Five different species of crustaceans have evolved into crabs separately from each other, at different time. Faced with the problem of surviving in similar economic niches, evolution finds similar answers.

Benjamin Bullard at SyFy:

The studied species all developed the same basic “crab-like habitus,” or basic outer structure that defines their body, despite having differing evolutionary ancestors. With some degree of specific variation, they all evolved similar hardened shells, in the same familiar broad, flat shape. But in a first discovery for the scientific world, the study even found that their internal anatomical structures — things like the vascular and nervous systems — also began to arrange themselves similarly over time.

The process by which this keeps happening, according to the study, is carcinization — literally, according to its Greek etymology, the crab-ifying of species. Researchers believe that, despite local differences, the reasons carcinization occurs are all physical: time, temperature, gravity, and the similar conditions of life in shallow aquatic reaches all converge — time and time again, it seems — to take a perfectly good original crustacean and pressure it into becoming more crab-like.

As a science-fiction fan, my mind instantly goes to Star Trek, and how all the aliens on that show seem to be humanoid. They’re carcinized!

Your Brain Is Not for Thinking – “Your brain’s most important job isn’t thinking; it’s running the systems of your body to keep you alive and well.” [Lisa Feldman Barrett/NYTimes]

In Nagorno-Karabakh, drones gave Azerbaijan huge advantage and showed future of warfare [Robyn Dixon/The Washington Post] – Inexpensive drones let Azerbaijan punch far above its weight in a recent 44-day war with Armenia, and signal a coming, profound change in ground warfare.

John Robb and P.W. Singer have been talking about this kind of thing for many years: inexpensive drones could be as big a change to warfare – and societies – as the invention of gunpowder or airplanes.

“This is a place where it’s always the early 2000s…. “ Members Only: SopranosCon and the Enduring Afterlife of Tony Soprano [Justin Sayles/The Ringer]

Peter Frampton Talks Fame, David Bowie, and The Simpsons [Dan Sheehan/Literary Hub] – Peter Frampton, who turns 70 this year, is a talented guitarist who had teen-idol good looks. He describes it here like that was some kind of curse.

Frampton Comes Alive was ubiquitous when I was 15 years old. Great album. I think I’ll give it another listen.

The Queen’s Gambit: meet the real Beth Harmon… Bobby Fischer [Jason Henderson/GQ-UK] – Controversial chess genius Bobby Fischer is the real-life inspiration behind The Queen’s Gambit’s fictional character Beth Harmon.

The Local News Business Model [Stratechery by Ben Thompson] – Local news is critically important and in crisis, but local newspapers are not worth saving.

10 years ago my brother reached out from addiction. I wish I could go back and take his hand. [Sosha Lewis/The Washington Post] – A brief, moving personal essay.

George Washington’s chef, Hercules Posey, cooked a Thanksgiving feast to celebrate liberty even though he had none [Ramin Ganeshram/WaPo]

The Idea Adoption Curve [Ben Thompson/Stratechery] – The New York Times’s subscription business model means it’s no longer the paper of record; it serves a niche audience (albeit a very broad and large one). BuzzFeed News/HuffPo aims to fill that gap.

New York couple finds more than 66 bottles of Prohibition-era whiskey hidden in the walls of their home [Kelsie Smith/CNN]

Henry Adams was “the brilliant, bitter and thoroughly unlikable man who brought the prominence of the Adams family, and expectations for the endurance of political legacies, to an ignominious end.”

The Brilliant, Bitter, Unlikable Scion of an American Political Dynasty [Amy S. Greenberg/The New York Times]

‘They created a false image’: how the Reagans fooled America [Charles Bramesco/The Guardian] – The Reagans parlayed show business success to the White House, and played the presidency as an acting role. Trump follows in their footsteps.

‘Someone’s typing…’: The history behind text messaging’s most dreadful feature [Dianne de Guzman/SFGATE]

Before they reached the iconic “someone’s typing” that we know today, the first iteration literally showed everyone what team members were typing, as they were typing it. Cue the first inklings of anxiety caused by messaging.

“[The typing awareness indicator] would literally put what you were typing and you would see it in real time,” [IBM’s Jerry Cuomo, credited with inventing the typing indicator, said.] “And then [reactions would be], ‘That’s not how you spell that word.’ It was getting embarrassing.”

To cure this, the next iteration changed the format to hide the message content, so the typing instead showed asterisks.

“As you typed, an asterisk would be in place of that letter, so it was somewhat anonymized until you were ready to send it, but sometimes you would see it as, someone would be typing [Cuomo imitates typing sounds] and then it would go backwards [Cuomo makes deleting sounds]. And then it would just say, ‘yes.’ And then we’d start yelling out again: ‘You weren’t going to say yes, you were going to say something more. What were you going to say?’ It got clumsy. So we just decided on ‘Dianne is typing’ and just left it at that. And that’s the way it stayed.”

“My Secret Life as a Mysterious Multimillionaire’s Personal Assistant” [DW McKinney/Narratively]

Katherine Devine aka “Little Egypt” scandalized Gilded Age America by dancing the hootchie cootchie (that’s actually what they called it) at a posh party for New York high society bachelors. She parlayed that fame into a burlesque career. Her obituary said was “arrested in nearly every city in the country.”

The hootchie cootchie figures prominently in Annalee Newitz’s time travel novel “The Future of Another Timeline,” which I quite enjoyed.

Meet the Kim Kardashian of the 1890s [Kat Vecchio/Narratively]

For What Are America’s Wealthy Thankful? A Worsening Culture War [Matt Taibbi] – When progressives and conservatives portray each other as dangerous monsters, billionaires are happy.

Are Covid Patients Gasping ‘It Isn’t Real’ As They Die? [David Zweig/Wired] – A ER nurse’s viral story about dying COVID victims still gasping that the disease is a hoax does not stand up to journalistic scrutiny. Same for stories about “COVID parties.”

The English Word That Hasn’t Changed in Sound or Meaning in 8,000 Years [Sevindj Nurkiyazova/Nautilus] – Also: How linguists figured out where our Indo-European ancestors came from, some 6,000-8,000 years ago. Ingenious!!

I believe the word this article focuses on comes to English just 80-some years ago, from Old and Middle High German, via Yiddish.

Why a Thriving Civilization in Malta Collapsed 4,000 Years Ago [Aisling Irwin/Nautilus] – The Temple Culture of Malta, in the Mediterranean, comprised just a few thousand people and lasted 1,500 years, before mysteriously disappearing in just two generations.

[akocomyk]

LTTC 13

To the Stargazer,

Dweller of the fifth planet of the Carcine System, Mantor II

We only wanted to watch the stars, To make a moment that’s truly ours. But all these plans were deeply shattered, For suddenly, your words have faltered.

You only wanted to watch the stars, With me whom you share similar scars. We understood our atrocities; We accepted our realities.

I only wanted to watch the stars; See beauty that sings like ten guitars. A beauty that you have seen in me, Even I, myself, could never see.

We only wanted to watch the stars, But both of us left unopened jars. You said you liked me, but you weren’t sure; I was stupid to not know the cure.

I don’t think we’d ever watch the stars, For our paired hearts are unlit cigars. I’d always answer if you kept asking. I’d have fallen if we kept talking.

Why'd you stop talking?

Love,  The Chronographer