Tell Me Everything Will Be Alright
This is my fic (and my first phanfic wow) for the 2018 Phandom Secret Valentines, and my valentine is @citrouillephan!
I hope you enjoy! -from your valentine, @realityfallsapart
tags: fluff, angst, 2009 AU
words: 4.7k
Summary: Dan Howell tends to get lost in his head and his thoughts have a habit of ruling him even when he doesn’t want them to. When he and his best friend finally have a chance at meeting, Dan starts to wonder if he is actually good enough for the amazing human being that is Phil Lester.
(ao3 link)
(Thank you so much to @moonbeamphan for reading this over and helping me! This wouldn’t be as good without you!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dan typed his answer and sent it by hitting enter before leaning back in his chair and letting out a shaky breath that seemed to rattle his insides. His laptop chirped quietly, announcing that Phil had replied to him. He couldn’t bring himself to look at it right away. Finally, after a few moments, he flicked his eyes down to the white screen of the computer in his lap where Phil’s most recent message seemed to glare up at him.
Phil :) (9:47 PM)
i know!
i can’t believe it either!
For a few moment, Dan could do nothing but stare at the screen; at the black words disrupting the artificial white light. It was the only thing that gave Dan any sort of illumination in his room; everything else was dark. He bit his lip and thought about the possible pros and cons of shutting his laptop and burying his head under his duvet to pretend that everything was fine because it was. It’s all fine.
Dan shook his head and reached his hands down to the keyboard. He wouldn't—couldn’t—do that to Phil. Phil deserved so much better than that. His numb fingers typed out a small sentence, only realizing that it had several typos until after he had sent it. He mentally kicked himself for it.
Dan ^-^ (9:51 PM)
Me niether! it seems like thsi would n e v e r happen!
**neither, this
Jeez i can spell
Phil :) (9:51 PM)
idk dan are you sure you can def spell? those seem like some pretty beginner mistakes…
Dan knew Phil was kidding. He knew that it was just Phil playing around with Dan like they normally did. Like they had been doing for months at this point. But in Dan’s heightened state of anxiety and stress, he couldn’t help but berate himself further. God, Phil must think of him as a kid now, he can’t even spell right!
Dan crashed back into his mattress, groaning and squeezing his eyes shut.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid….” he muttered, hitting his forehead with his hand with every word.
Looking back on this moment, Dan would laugh and realize how utterly idiotic his anger with himself was coming from, but right now, in bed with the lights off and by himself, he couldn’t help but magnify the issue. He had been anxious and stressed without a pause this entire week.
He looked up at his ceiling, sighing in growing frustration towards himself, but it wasn’t just because of his inability to catch his typos. In fact, it had nothing to do with them. The typos had just tipped him right over the edge and all of his insecurities crashed over him like waves, his head nearly going under the tide.
To say he wasn’t good enough was an understatement. To say that Phil deserved a much better best friend than Dan was even more of one. Phil was older, more experienced, more mature, funny, smart, kind, and extremely compassionate. He had a great time making pretty successful and entertaining videos (at least in Dan’s opinion, and he would always fight anyone who said otherwise) on the side, on top of balancing life. Dan was younger, so much more less experienced with everything, he got overwhelmed with life and spent the majority of his time curled up under his covers surfing through the waves of his latest existential crisis or playing PC video games that he would forget about within the next 24 hours. He was purgatory in the form of a human and an incredibly underwhelming one at that.
He wasn’t sure how long exactly he laid there, stewing in his self-deprecation and wishing that he was better. Better in literally every aspect, maybe then he would finally be worth Phil’s time, if only a little bit. His computer chirped again, and then twice more minutes later in rapid succession, as if angry. Dan grasped for the thing, pulling it up to his chest, lacking the energy to sit back up.
Phil :) (10:07 PM)
Dan you know im joking right?
Phil :) (10:16 PM)
Dan? you still there? i was joking i promise you can make all the typos you want
u didnt fall asleep did you?
Dan couldn’t help the watery smile that turned the corners of his mouth up, albeit it being a small one. Phil had that effect on him even if Dan was falling apart on the inside. Just a little though, he was fine.
Dan ^-^ (10:18 PM)
nooo im not sleeping
Phil :) (10:18 PM)
:(
Dan ^-^ (10:19 PM)
why the frowny face
Dan tried to keep the fear out of his thoughts but the talons of doubt had already settled around his heart. Was Phil mad that he didn’t answer right away? Would-
His laptop signaled the arrival of Phil’s reply, and Dan really didn’t know if he wanted to slam the lid of his computer shut or jump at the opportunity to find out if he had just ruined the best friendship he had ever had. Ever will. He went for the latter.
(Dan supposed he might be overreacting, but then again, when wasn’t he, it seemed?)
Phil :) (10:20 PM)
did i insult your typing skills one too many times? is that why you disapeared?
*disappeared
Dan used the best coping mechanisms for dealing with his anxiety that he knew: humor and avoidance. Together, they were a formidable force and Dan had spent a large majority of his time perfecting their potency.
Dan ^-^ (10:20 PM)
now look who’s making the typos
Phil :) (10:20 PM)
Dan.
He gulped. Now he had done it. Fuck. He had to fix this.
Dan ignored the roar behind his ears that seemed to be screaming that he should just ignore this all, pray that things would magically fix themselves and change the topic. That was his fear talking. His self-abandonment. His anxiety. His everything. Phil was worth so much more. So Dan pushed it all away for just long enough to reply.
Dan ^-^ (10:21 PM)
sorry, joke
no, thats not why i ran away
i was just thinking, thats all
Phil :) (10:21 PM)
were you doing it again
Dan tried to pretend that he didn’t know what Phil was talking about and simultaneously cursed himself for telling Phil about his increasing habit for getting lost in his thoughts. He failed. He knew exactly what Phil was talking about.
Back, about three weeks ago in a later-than-normal conversation where all of their inhibitions seemed to dissipate, Dan had finally come clean about how sometimes thoughts got the best of him. He would crumble under them, get so completely and utterly lost in his head that he would sometimes stay there for hours on end, picking apart anything that his conscience decided to dig up. And it hindered Dan, made him hate himself just that much more, made him hate how easily his anxieties held him hostage, stuck. But he couldn’t do much about it, it seemed, for whenever he got lost in his head, he always forgot that he had to get out.
Dan gulped. He had to lie his way out of this. He knew that Phil didn’t like it when Dan got stuck. He could pull off nonchalance, right?
Dan ^-^ (10:22 PM)
no
Phil :) (10:22 PM)
im not convinced
you were werent you
Dan ^-^ (10:23 PM)
does my word not count for anything lol
Phil :) (10:24 PM)
maybe if we were talking and i could see your face it’d count
Dan ^-^ (10:24 PM)
what’s my face got to do with anything?
Phil’s bubble appeared on the screen once, twice, three times, before he apparently decided on what he was going to say and sent it. The entire time Dan was a few words away from having a breakdown. His hands were shaking. His mind was racing faster than normal. Faster than it had in what seemed like a very long time.
Phil :) (10:26 PM)
bc then i could tell if you were lying
tho rn i dont even need that
Dan ^-^ (10:26 PM)
are u seriously saying im lying
Phil :) (10:27 PM)
yeah
you did everything that you always do when you arent telling the truth
you joked
changed / focused the conversation onto smth else
and besides
ive gathered that you really dont like to talk about the things that bother you. you like to ignore them and stuff
Dan ^-^ (10:28 PM)
so how bout we not talk about them then
Phil :) (10:29 PM)
normally, maybe
but not with this
Dan ^-^ (10:29 PM)
and why not?
Phil :) (10:29 PM)
bc i dont like it when you beat yourself up in your head
Dan ^-^ (10:30 PM)
who said i was beating myself up in my head
Phil :) (10:30 PM)
… dan :/
youre avoiding again
Dan cursed himself. God, since when could Phil read him like a book?
Dan ^-^ (10:32 PM)
fine. maybe i am
what are you gonna do about it philly?
Phil :) (10:32 PM)
daaaaannnnnn
you arent allowed to beat yourself up
no ones allowed to
especially you!
Dan giggled, just a little. He couldn’t help it when Phil was being…well, Phil.
Dan ^-^ (10:33 PM)
and why not? Hmm?
Phil :) (10:34 PM)
bc youre my favorite person silly
my favorite person cant be sad. its just the rules
Dan ^-^ (10:35 PM)
oh yeah? whose rules then, oh wise philip
Phil :) (10:35 PM)
ew dont call me philip my nan calls me that
and theyre my rules
my rules for my favorite person
Dan ^-^ (10:35 PM)
suuurrreee phil. sure its a rule
*philip
Phil’s cursor didn’t appear seconds after Dan had sent his message like usual. Insead, nothing appeared. Their good-natured banter had eased the storm raging inside of Dan and his thoughts and anxieties had died down a little, much more easier to bear with the distraction Phil was giving him, but with the sudden disappearance of his best friend, they came back full force. All of his doubts spilled into the front of his conscience. He shivered. It wasn’t from the cold.
Dan watched the little digital clock at the bottom of his laptop screen count the minutes falling away. One, two, three, four, five, god did what did he do-
Phil :) (10:41 PM)
[multimedia image: click to load]
With his heart in his throat, Dan clicked, and a small window appeared, momentarily covering their chat from Dan’s view. It was hard to make out, the quality bad and the image itself grainy and dark, but it was of a piece of paper lying atop two legs clad in bright pyjamas that Dan could immediately connect to Phil and his eccentric personality. He could make out the tip of Phil’s finger at the top of the shot, too. Squinting, he looked at the paper itself, zooming in to make out the words penned in Phil’s handwriting.
Rules:
1. Dan Howell is my favorite person
2. No one is allowed to make fun of him
3. ESPECIALLY if that “no one” is Dan himself
Dan started to laugh. Only Phil would actually make a list of “rules”. Only Phil.
Before Dan could reply, Phil was typing again.
Phil :) (10:43 PM)
there. proper rules written on proper paper. you have to follow them now
Dan ^-^ (10:44 PM)
i cant believe that you actually wrote rules you spork
but fine! i guess if i have to lol
Dan was still working heavily with avoiding the whole situation entirely, just like with what he was doing to the problem causing him so much stress to begin with, but he couldn’t help it. It’s just how he was.
Phil :) (10:46 PM)
so you admit to your crimes xD
but anyways
you were stuck in your head again
which is okay, i mean, i understand that it’s something you cant help
Dan felt like he was going to cry. Phil’s assurance that Dan’s mind running in panicked circles was perfectly okay was almost too much. Phil’s compassion was almost too much.
But it appeared that Phil wasn’t done, because his laptop dinged quietly again.
Phil :) (10:47 PM)
can i ask whats got you so sad and worried
so i can beat it up
obvs
Now Dan really wanted to cry. How could he tell Phil that the reason was him? How could he say that the root of this ball of anxiety and stress and worrying that had taken over him was Phil himself?
He couldn’t do that to Phil, not when his best friend would undoubtedly take it hard. God, if Phil knew why Dan kept getting lost in himself, he would be crushed.
Dan ^-^ (10:51 PM)
noooo
Phil :) (10:51 PM)
are you sure? i wont judge you dan, i swear it doesnt matter if you think i wont like it
i just wanna be here for you
If Dan wasn’t crying earlier, he was now, a few select tears dripping down his cheeks, brimming with the emotions that had been taking over him this past week. Phil was…too much. He was too kind, too sweet, too undeserving of someone like Dan. God, Phil deserved the whole world, he shouldn’t have to settle with Dan.
Another message appeared on Dan’s screen, as but this one didn’t seem like normal, it was a little off, a little rushed, a little…something. Dan couldn’t place it.
Phil :) (10:53 PM)
bc youre my best friend.
obvs. xD
If Dan wasn’t so out of it and was able to think clearly, he might have questioned Phil’s “clarification” of why and what sense he wanted to be there for him, but Dan was not in the best state of mind and he thought nothing of it.
Dan looked at his screen again. He still had to acknowledge Phil’s question, and he wasn’t sure how to go about it. He wanted to tell Phil he already told him everything, have Phil reassure him and tell him that everything was going to be okay again, like he normally did. But Dan couldn’t. He couldn’t lie again, once was already once too many, and something told Dan that if he tried to ignore it or change the topic, Phil would just call him out again.
Fuck.
Dan ^-^ (10:56 PM)
it doesnt matter
Phil :) (10:56 PM)
yes it does
its enough to make you get lost in that head of yours, so it matters
Dan ^-^ (10:57 PM)
phil we both know it doesnt take much for me to get lost in my thoughts
Phil :) (10:58 PM)
still
something is bothering you and i want to fix it
Dan bit his lip. God, Phil had no idea how badly he wanted to let him fix this. He couldn’t though. He just couldn’t.
Dan ^-^ (10:58 PM)
nooo phil, you cant fix this one
Phil :) (10:58 PM)
>:(
you cant even let me try?
Always, always, but just not with this. Dan couldn’t tell Phil this, not when it would hurt him.
Dan ^-^ (11:00 PM)
no phil, not with this sorry :(
Phil :) (11:01 PM)
:((((
okay
i may not like it but i can respect that
will you tell me tomorrow?
Dan looked at the screen, thinking about it. Tomorrow was what he was worried about to begin with. Could he tell Phil tomorrow? He wasn’t sure. Well, it didn’t matter if things went good or not, Dan mused, tomorrow Dan’s fears would either be affirmed or destroyed.
He could only hope.
Dan ^-^ (11:03 PM)
sure
tomorrow
Phil :) (11:03 PM)
yay!!!
Dan laughed, breathily.
Phil :) (11:03 PM)
oooh! look at the time!
its getting so late bear wow
guess we should get to sleep so we dont fall asleep on each other tomorrow huh? xD
Dan’s heart physically melted at the use of Phil’s pet name for him. He only used it occasionally, but it never failed to make Dan’s heart stutter in his chest and the butterflies in his belly to flit around faster, making him feel almost giddy. Hopeful.
God he sounded so stupid right now. Anxious and stressed out of his mind yet still acting like a little kid with their first crush.
Stupid feelings.
Dan ^-^ (11:05 PM)
yeah i guess we should!
night philly :)
Phil :) (11:05 PM)
goodnight dan!! :D
see you tomorrow!
(ps, idk whats bothering you and thats okay but i hope whatever it is it works out for you :“) )
Ah yes. That’s what it boiled down to. Tomorrow morning Dan would board a train and take it up to Manchester to spend some time with Phil. The first time that they would see each other in real life, not just behind a computer screen. They had skyped before and texted and chatted for countless hours over countless days, but the thought of tomorrow still made Dan want to throw up.
He wasn’t good enough for Phil. He was just so terrified that tomorrow Phil would see that.
Dan ^-^ (11:06 PM)
:)
After hitting send Dan thrust the lid to his laptop down and pushed it off of his chest, letting it fall onto the bed. Dan felt sick again. He was so scared about tomorrow because there were so many things that could go wrong and so many flaws that Phil could discover about Dan and so many, so many, ways for what is supposed to be the best day of Dan’s life to turn out to be his worst.
God, he hated his anxiety for always picking things apart. Always fucking with Dan’s own head.
Dan rolled over and grabbed his duvet, pulling it up and wishing that it would just swallow him whole. Fuck. He couldn’t do it tomorrow. He couldn’t handle this stress.
Taking a deep breath, Dan clutched his duvet tighter in his grasp and tried to keep his lip from wobbling.
Right now he just wanted to sleep. He wanted to forget that he didn’t feel good enough, that yet again his insecurities were screwing him over, that he wanted to cry. He wanted to forget. Unfortunately for Dan the universe didn’t agree and he ended up staying awake for hours after the he had closed his laptop, the entire time doing nothing but thinking, getting lost in his head, and wishing that his thoughts would just turn off.
For once.
Please.
~~~~~~
Dan slung his bag over his shoulder. His fingers felt numb. Unlike his greatest hopes, the fitful-at-best night’s sleep did nothing to alleviate Dan’s terror. If anything, it had only magnified it because now it was today and Dan couldn’t run anymore.
He took a cab to the station, and he ended up being earlier than he needed to be, having about an extra ten minutes to wait for his train. He sat on a bench, his legs nothing but jelly at this point, his fears making it quite easy to foresee his long legs from just giving out on him. Dan didn’t want to make an embarrassment of himself on top of it all, so he tried to calm his racing heart while he sat.
With no luck.
Of course.
Dan looked down at the ticket in his hand. It would be so easy to not go. To walk right out of the station, spend the weekend at home instead of with Phil, and not risk Phil seeing how utterly underwhelming Dan was as a person. He could lie, could say that he ran late, missed his train, maybe his parents changed their minds and didn’t let Dan go.
But God, as Dan looked down at the paper in his trembling hand, he couldn’t help but know that he wouldn’t be able to actually go through with not leaving. He wouldn’t be able to lie to Phil, not about something this big—who was he kidding, he had a hard enough time lying to Phil last night over something so small!
But more than that, Dan knew that it was much more than not being able to lie to Phil. He had wanted to meet Phil ever since he had started to watch his videos, and the sentiment had only increased tenfold with their fast friendship. Phil was now much more than a hero, much more than a few minutes of distraction. He was Phil, Dan’s AmazingPhil, and he was his best friend. That lanky black-haired boy was worth so so much in Dan’s eyes, and he couldn’t, couldn’t, leave him in the dust like that. God it wouldn’t just kill Phil, but it would kill Dan too. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself.
Dan had been thinking too hard. Before he knew it the train was pulling into the station and Dan gulped, raising on still-shaky legs and gripping the strap of his bag so hard he didn’t even have to look to know that his knuckles were blotched white.
As Dan took his seat, a new resolve washed over him. He would go. He would endure this train ride that undoubtedly would be the most anxiety-inducing thing he had done in a very long time—possibly ever—and he would do it for Phil. If Phil would reject him or not, he would try not to dwell on it on the coming trip (a losing battle, Dan knew), but he would still go.
For Phil.
~~~~~
Dan’s heart was going so fast he was sure that he was going to pass out. His hands, his arms, legs, his whole body was trembling.
Manchester’s Piccadilly Station.
Dan was here.
There was a decent amount of people on the station as far as Dan could see as the train pulled in, but none of them looked like his best friend.
The train came to a stop and Dan stood, the first to make it to the doors and there when they opened.
Strangely enough, when the doors pulled open and Dan took a step out into the station, he stopped trembling. His heart slowed—not by much, but it slowed—and this whole thing didn’t seem quite as scary. Sure, Dan’s thoughts were still screaming in his head, sure, his anxiety was still off the charts, and sure, his hands were still sweaty and his breath was still shallow but still. It was as if a calm had washed over him.
Dan wasn’t sure what to make of it. Maybe he was just going into shock.
People busied around him, walking this way and that, talking into cell phones, to other people, some silent. Dan, unsure of everything right now, followed where the general push of people were guiding him, the whole time craning his head, looking for his Phil. He tried not to panic. He tried.
But with every second the calm that had overtook him was shrinking and his anxiety steadily increased.
Did Phil forget? Did he stand me up? Oh God he’s not coming he didn’t come-
"Dan!”
Dan whirled around at the sound of his name, uttered by a voice that sounded so much better when it wasn’t distorted by their shitty computer’s speakers.
Before Dan could register really anything, he was being engulfed in a hug, two strong arms wrapping themselves around Dan’s shoulders, pulling him flush against the figure.
Against Phil.
And instantly all of the shouting in Dan’s head was gone. The slight tremble in his hands vanished, and for the first time in a week, his anxiety was gone without a trace. Dan felt like crying.
Dan gasped in surprise, his brain taking a moment to reboot because Phil didn’t forget, didn’t stand him up, didn’t change his mind, and suddenly Dan felt very, very stupid because how could he ever think that Phil would do something like that. This was Phil, the kindest person on the planet.
Phil pulled away, just a little, just enough so they could see each other’s faces, and Dan had to keep himself from pulling Phil back in.
His smile was so wide, easily the widest Dan had ever seen it. And his eyes, oh God those eyes were a thousand times clearer, a thousand times more mesmerizing than behind a screen. Dan didn’t doubt for a second that he could stand here and look into them for the rest of the day without tiring of their never-ending beauty. Fuck. Why did his eyes have to be so gorgeous.
Dan tore his eyes away from Phil’s and looked over the rest of him, from his broad shoulders that Dan wanted to wrap his arms around, to the tussle of his hair that Dan craved to run his fingers through and the line of his jaw that Dan felt the need to trace. Double fuck. Why did the entirety of Phil have to be gorgeous.
“Dan! I can’t believe you’re here! I have today all planned out; I’m going to show you everything!” Phil said excitedly, a twinkle as clear as day in his eyes. Phil was practically vibrating with excitement and it made a smile spread over Dan’s features. Phil’s happiness was contagious.
Phil stopped his rambling, looking down at Dan sheepishly.
“I mean, if that’s all okay with you. If you don’t want to do something that’s okay, I totally get it. We can do anything you want, I-”
Dan tilted his head back and laughed, laughed because Phil seemed nervous. Phil was nervous and it was adorable.
“Yeah, yeah Phil it’s all fine. All of it, don’t worry. I just can’t believe you want to do it all with me.”
Phil’s smile faded a little, and the twinkle in his eye got that much smaller. He looked a little sad.
“Was this what you were so worried about? That I wouldn’t like you?”
Dan bit his lip and looked down, giving a little nod.
Phil pulled Dan right back into a hug, but this time it felt even more real, and it was impossibly tighter. It felt like Phil was pulling all of Dan’s lost pieces together. Phil’s voice was in his ear.
“Of course I like you, Dan. You’re my best friend. I like you more than anyone else. Promise.”
Dan might have just felt like crying, in that moment. Phil accepted him. He wasn’t going to leave him. Things were okay. They were okay.
He knew that this would hit him later, maybe tonight when he had a chance to process things. He’d probably cry out of relief, but it would all be okay because Phil would be there to hold him together and ease all of Dan’s worries.
Soon enough they set off, hand in hand, and Dan was smiling so wide, so, so wide. He couldn’t have been happier with how things had turned out.
Dan looked sideways at Phil, trying to not be too obvious.
This had worked out so maybe, just maybe, something else could work out for him.
~~~~~
Dan stood at the window, a cup of coffee in his hand. It was early, and he could see the technicolor dream across the sky that was that morning’s sunrise. The steam from his coffee rose from the rim of the cup and slowly diffused into nothing; tendril-like hands wisped up and around Dan’s neck.
It had been nearly nine years.
Dan’s nervousness and dark thoughts never ceased to plague him, however, he learned to deal with it better. He could confidently say that he has never been happier.
It had been nearly nine years, and they were still inseparable. Their channels had grown exponentially, and they boasted an insanely large fan community.
As the years had gone by, their strong, unbreakable friendship slowly blossomed into something remarkably beautiful. Their long Skype calls turned into late night kisses, and they had been happily in love for nearly nine years.
Dan twisted the ring on his third finger. As well as being happily in love, they were also engaged to be married within the next year. Lately, he’d been waking up in complete disbelief.
The thing Dan had wanted so desperately to work out for him did, and in the most perfectly perfect way possible.
4 notes
·
View notes
WHATS UP Y’ALL ITS YA BITCH NICKI AGAIN N IM SO EXCITED TO INTRODUCE YOU TO MY SOFT LIL FIGHTER BABY EMERSON WHO I LOVE V MUCH AND I HOPE YALL WILL TOO. LIKE THIS N ILL COME TO U FOR PLOTS (for both her n mack if we havent already!!)
ABOUT EMERSON
TW VIOLENCE AND FIGHTING
EMERSON BLACKWOOD. 20. ENGLISH LIT MAJOR. PISCES. WEREWOLF. COULD PROBABLY SNAP UR SPINE LIKE A TOOTHPICK BUT REALLY JUST WANTS TO CUDDLE.
ok so while most, if not all, the students at hexlore were raised supernatural, em wasn't
emerson was actually born human and had a perfectly normal childhood up until around the age of 15
for reasons she doesn't readily talk about, she was hexed by a very powerful witch with the lycanthropy curse
her parents and siblings obviously didnt believe her, so when she transformed one night unexpectedly, they ended up thinking she was a wild wolf who had gotten into the house and killed her. they attacked her and she was left within an inch of her life before she could escape
she would have died that night if it weren't for pure luck that a travelling pack was passing through the wooded area where she had ended up collapsing. they stayed there with her for the night and healed her up, taking her in and initiating her into their pack. with nothing left to lose and a spirit as broken as hers, she accepted it and left with them.
not only did she join a big pack, she joined a freaking strong one, and as the newest recruit she was the runt of the group. she felt more like a burden than an actual pack member, so she began to train in order to earn her place
though they were a wandering pack, they'd stop in cities long enough for her and the other minors in the pack to be able to finish a solid school year, and in each new city, em would become a permanent fixture at their local gym. every day, she was there, working on getting stronger and more powerful and being able to prove herself. too swole to control bro
all the bullshit she had gone through ignited something within her, something equal parts destructive and encouraging. her pain transformed itself into pure, unfiltered rage, which has become the staple of emerson's personality
first off— she is (thankfully) the OPPOSITE of mack's dumb ass lmaooo
she’s really reserved and not very outgoing (just a lil shy..... wow how cute). she’s this tol cute bean with this long curly hair and these big blue eyes so she’s not exactly unapproachable but she’s also buff as FUQ and has this mysterious, enigmatic energy to her and tbh that makes her lowkey scary to approach
esp also considering that she’s almost ALWAYS got a black eye or bloodied knuckles or bruises scattering her body, she kinda looks terrifying and like she might try to snap ur arm in half
she’s honestly a super sweet soft soul, she genuinely is just bubbling with kindness and good intentions but she tries to keep her distance from the world bc oh dear
emerson has a fucking TEMPER
and it’s not the “i’ll snap and be petty” it’s a “i won’t react until you keep pushing my buttons and then i’ll fucking snap and smash a table in half, punch a hole in the wall, and say a LOT of things i’ll regret”
she recognizes how dangerous and harmful this pent up aggression and rage is so she genuinely tries to keep it under check by withdrawing from a lot of over-stimulating situations and environments
she’s that bitch™ who’s always like “i...... i should go....”
you would expect her to be this angry cynical bitch but honestly?? she keeps the anger beneath the surface tbh she’s really sweet and gentle. she’s also like.... a hopeless romantic and believes in being kind to the world and she’s SUCH A GOOD ARTIST but her main passion is honestly fighting so that’s why she hasn’t dropped it entirely despite how dangerous it is
she’s really scared that one of these days, her feelings are just gonna shut down and she’ll lose her humanity and get consumed my her own darkness and just become this awful angry monster of a person, which is why she tries SO DAMN HARD to be kind and gentle and good
(lowkey she’s gonna turn it off eventually for a hot minute bc i def want to play dark!emerson at some point HKJFHKHF)
also.... she’s loyal to a fucking FAULT nd would prob take a bullet for her loved ones. its altruism at its finest with this one. she’s also pretty softspoken but definitely stands up for what’s right, she won’t hesitate to literally snap ur fucking femur if you’re fucking with someone you shouldn’t be
on that note— she’s STRONG. like almost excessively strong, partially bc of her training 24/7, also partially bc her anger fuels her additional strength. but like.... she has the potential to honestly be an alpha if she really pushed herself
if i had to compare her to some characters from modern media..... stefan salvatore, the iron giant, scott mccall??
tldr: basically a big dreamy beefcake with anger issues who could probably snap u in half if u fuck with her loved ones. also has a sad past but is tryna turn her shit around without hurting anyone in the process which makes her reserved n secretive oh nooo
WANTED CONNECTIONS
crushes: one sided, mutual, lowkey, highkey infatuation, pls just give em the ability to be cute and sweet but also sometimes a bumbling fool
i want a plot where em admires someone from afar and is just like.... soft n always leaves them flowers or draws them in her little sketchbook
besties: emerson literally goes along w everything thus making her a valuable member to any and all squads. she’s also versatile, she can go from being that art nerd friend to that jock/fighter friend to that mom friend to that innocent friend to that leader friend. literally give my puppy of a person some buds pls
fighting plots: people who help her train, people who want her to stop, a love interest who bandages her up every time after a bad fight, anything pls
guardian: someone em looks out for fiercely and protectively or someone who looks out for her too n checks up on her when she has her bad moments
exes: she’s demisexual & demiromantic so she only starts to fall for people that she’s gotten to know or at least knows about. i really want an ex (or a few??) that were super cute and sweet when they dated but then em just kinda ended things out of nowhere? maybe she ghosted them, broke up over text, literally so out of nowhere and ur muse doesnt know why??? but it’s actually because em was too scared she’d end up hurting them so she ended things as a preemptive move to protect everyone
coworkers/customers: she works on campus somewhere bc she needs that cash money (im thinkin library) so i’d love a few plots of either people who work with her or people she sees constantly bc theyre always coming in??
“but nicki,” u may be asking, “where’s the fwb plots??”
SURPRISE BITCH EMERSON’S A V I R G I N
considering that mack is a heathen who prob has enough sex for the both of them i wanted to make emerson way more inexperienced since this bitch doesn’t like to get too attached to ppl
which means new potential wanted connection: her first time
7 notes
·
View notes
Episode #8: “hoebi hears ALL things shady...” - Tobi
Ok I’m super excited because we finally got a challenge involving something I’m good at which is aesthetics. I fucking love moodboards and I really wanna win a challenge so I’m hoping I can win this.
So I am absolutely not creative at all so this challenge is gonna be a struggle for me so love that
So Wes was just voted out. Im neutural about it. Yes wes was a number, but it wouldve done too much drama to try and save him. Im playing my game not his. He didnt do himself any favours.
This round my target is david. He seems like someone who isnt central to everyone. So therefore I think he would easier to get votes on. Plus scott has mentioned david annoys him. So im hoping that now i can managed to pull 2 people our way to vote our david.
people sure gettin feisty..
lets start off with missus dani and mr michael the obvious f2.. like bitch if ur gonna leak things i tell u dont make it obvious!! LAMFJHFG and now dani wants to flip the script on felix bc She Doesnt Want To Do What Shes Told. like gtfo :) ugh im sick of them both i wanna blindside them so bad..
and then i might get caught leakin if this shit gets out more.. hope the vote stays at felix vs david tho bc its bye bye david :)
uhm idk wha t more to say. im done with these mercia people..
Today... the tea... is absolutely STEAMING!! so initially the plan was for david to leave bc felix also wanted to blindside him... but scott's told michael who TOLD david about it and now david knows about it so the target is switched rn...
Also more tea is that dani thought she was slick and told scott that she wanted to blindside felix along with scott, david, michael, some sweyn, and said ahrre would do whatever she said... what she said also insinuated that me, mo, and felix were on the bottom of our og tribe...
guess she doesn't know that hoebi hears ALL things shady...
looks like im flipping off of my og tribe for a 3rd org in a row ladies
im such a fucking mess.... but thank god i have rhys/jones/ryan pickin up the pieces and we still blindsidin.. ALMFJBG
GOD I HOPE ITS DANI THO IM DESPERATE FOR HER TO GO. and i wanna show michael u dont fucking throw me utb n get away with it.. i may be inbred but im not completely dumb n i have the social bonds to stay aMJFHBG
im so dumb like i deserve nothing good after this.
pleaseletmewinpleaseletmewinpleaseletmewinpleaseletmewinpleaseletmewin i w a n t t h i s
SO MUCH HAS BEEN GOING DOWN GUYS this tea is HOT
SO since before the Wes vote, Felix, Mo, Tobi, Scooty, Ryan, Rhys and myself were planning on voting for David for the F11 vote - because he's a comp threat and seems pretty set on not flipping on OG Mercia
BUT when Scooty was chit chatting with his Canute bff Michael, MICHAEL SPILLED THE BEANS and basically threw Scooty under the bus, so David found out about the plan! I had to play dumb when David asked me about it, and I told him I had no idea (and he totally fell for it >:3c), BUT Felix heard about it and went to Ryan and it became A [clap emoji] CLUSTER [clap emoji] FUCK [clap emoji x3]
Scooty also got tea from Dani that she wants to flip the script on Felix with Scooty, me, David, Michael, and Ahrre (she said Ahrre would follow along with anything bc they're paranoid asf) - SO she basically layed out the Mercia tribe Dynamics and indirectly said that Mo, Felix, and Tobi were on the bottom. Which honestly we knew, but that works perfectly for us Sweyn ;)
So after I cleared everything up with Felix that Scooty never spilled the beans to David and that Michael is a total snake, we were thinking about what to do next -And because David knows his name's been mentioned, we had to tread carefully.
So then we thought,, why not use this paranoia to our advantage? We can make David feel like he's a target so they can possibly play an idol on him (which is a HUGE possibility) but in actuality,,, we're voting for Dani or Michael.
It's pretty obvious to everyone that they're a really tight duo and it would be great if we could split them up now before they go far. Right now everyone would definitely prefer to vote Dani (and so would I) because apparently she's a possible comp threat, and also she's v messy so there's that. but if she possibly wins immunity then the vote's changing to Michael. As long as that duo breaks up then we're solid.
BUT THAT'S THE TEA FOR NOW I'll try to make another confessional if my dumbass remembers to <3
So I didn’t win, which makes me sad but I did come in second place. Another good thing is that Jones won and I’m allies with Jones so I’m very happy about this. Overall I’m happy.
Hey ya boy is back now I'm gonna recap last week cause my flop ass forgot to do it as it happened. Basically I didn't win immunity which is good. Then I went take a poopoo and when I come back everyone is saying Wes, so hey guess I don't work this week, a nice change compared to the week jose went home.
As for Wes well he hadn't been the most active and I really didn't had a bond with him so that seemed as a convenient vote to me. Aparently he was also targetted cause he was one point away from winning immunity? idk how much of a factor that was but hey kids all the more of a reason to throw them early challenges.
Now talking about tribe lines I'm doing my job talking with the other guys and letting them know I'm willing to work with them. However I'm keeping my eyes on them, specially Scott who seemed to have charmed Michael and Dani in after having flipped on Malik. Add to that the connections he probably has with his OG tribe and make no mistake he could very well be in the best position in this game, which means I will probably have to take a shoot on him sooner or later.
Tobi could also be in a similar postion since the other guys saved him when they had a 4-1 tribe divition advantage, but idk how much was up to Tobi chatting them up instead of Madison being a liability, but I will also keep an eye in him.
Additionally Michael is def not fully in with the idea of staying og tribe strong, which is fair enough. But he also told me Felix told him last week he wanted david out next week, so that would basically be this week. So I'm gonna have to learn more about that, also I never knew who originally threw Wes's name out and no one seemed to know but something tells me Michael had something to do with that as well.
So all in all that's a bunch of stuff I'm gonna have to act upon while keeping a low profile, but hey lazy week was last week so it's not time to get confortable and sit around without doing anything.
sooo i came online today to some messiness lmao. apparently danielle/michael/david all found out about felix's plan, and michael went to Felix and basically threw Scott under the bus about it lmfao. and they want to pull in Ahrre + some Sweyns to flip it on Felix and uh.... yeah no afkdsf. i was able to get felix back on the right page and i think we're good to go him/Mo + Sweyns and blindside Danielle or Michael hehe, because felix thinks an idol could pop up or something idk
so the new plan is blindside miss dani.. thank god LMAOAOAA i been wantin her ass out forever and i wanna have michael stay shook bc if he thinks im gonna be loyal to him after this.. lmao
SHE SHOULDA JUST SAT THERE AND ATE HER FOOD INSTEAD OF SITTIN THERE SAYIN ‘OH I DONT WANNA DO WHAT IM TOLD’ LIKE BITCH. YES U WILL. OTHERWISE UR ASS IS GRASS. THANK U, NEXT.
Okay, so Jones won immunity. Great! Sweyn on the immunity train.
So David was the original plan. However scott went around trying to swing it to david to people who cant keep their gob shut. Michael went to tell David, and david has come full circle and started asking everyone if they had heard my name. So now The sweynians have tried to swing the vote on Dani. As its seen that her and Michael are a pair & Tobi finds Dani annoying.
So we are going to keep the facade that its still David and try to keep telling Michael its David etc and get votes on David. When in reality thats a big fat lie. And Dani should be getting votes.
So tonight the vote is very simple. To vote Ryan however the complication comes from whether or not I go with the og sweyns to blindside David in an attempt to really open the game up and have less of a tribe vs tribe dynamic. Also complicating matters is the fact scott wants me dani and David to form a voting block with Ahrre and someone else to really control this game. It seems to me that I need to really think about my decision.
they better make up their minds whether its me or ryan bc i aint agreeing to a 5th name this tribal LAMFJHFG
So all this is messy and I just start thinking, why don’t I flip like David’s a threat and it would open up the game 100% and also if it was just a case of David vs Ryan id vote ryan but I like Rhys so.
So a lot happened and now it’s rhys but I don’t want rhys I want ryan and with my crazy coo coo plan I hope that i get what I want bc that would be cute and like so unexpected and it would get the game to be opened up
im gunna fucking piss myself why are mercia SO DUMB!!! THEY WANNA SPLIT BETWEEN RYAN AND RHYS LMAOAOAOA LIKE HOW.. KILL ALL UR BONDS IDC!! ME AND JONES ARE BUSY CRYING LAUGHING BC THEYRE JUST SO FUCKING BAD AAAAAAAA
So I wake up to hear my name being throw around by my own og tribe... I love this tea soooo much... like in the end they settled for ryan but the fact that they have the audacity to put me up as an option AND THEN ask me for my vote... I have to laugh LKJHDFLJ I guess its time to flip the script!! Dani and Michael are coming up with this "genius" plan of splitting the votes between ryan and rhys because they think scott, jones, and I are with them... oh honey... they have a big storm comin... we're using this to our advantage to do a clean vote on Dani and take out one of them mofos... miss piggy gets revenge tonight
soo i came online to a whollllllle big ass mess lmao. Dani & Michael been scrambling to get out me or Rhys to save David and they have no idea they've dug themselves so far into a ditch.... it's scary knowing i'm gonna get votes but i feel confident that ppl have my back... i feel good that the Sweyns + Tobi + Felix will vote together to get Dani, and I just hope we've done a good job at making them not see it coming... but even if they do and an idol is played correctly by them, my idol 10000% is going to make an appearance hehehe
Hello here I am,, coming in clutch as the moodboard QUEEN. um,, thank god honestly. bc rn it seems like og Mercia wanted to just pick off Sweyn and I know for a fact David would've wanted to go for me first bc of Ko Chang (which btw, if you target people for past games, choke, it's a new game get over it sweaty c:) but yeah I'm glad I have immunity <3 thank god I ran a moodboard account over the summer teehee
So yeah rn the Mercia group is a clusterfuck and I love it,,, I love watching the world burn yk? They really just,,, have no idea what they're doing. first they want to go for Scott, but apparenlty that's a cover and they're going for Ryan, THEN SCOTT KNOWS and they change the vote to Rhys, then they're splitting??? like??? hello????? y'all gotta make up your minds we've been planning on voting Dani out since before immunity came out. this couldn't have been easier honestly. I love this.
THEN MICHAEL bless his heart I love him so fucking much but he really told me that David doesn't trust any of Sweyn and wants them out,, like,,, does he not realize,,,,,,,,,,,,,I'm from Sweyn. like,,, that makes me want to take you guys out even more. PLUS he's really digging his own grave when he says that Mo and Ahrre can do whatever they want and they don't matter like,, you don't give the people on the bottom leg room. that's really dumb I love Michael to death but he's doing this to himself rn
but heres the rundown on what everyone on that side THINKS is happening - Michael, myself, Scooty, Dani and David vote for Ryan - Ryan and Rhys vote for David - and Mo, Ahrre Tobi and Felix do whatever the fuck they want/Rhys apparently. so that would be a 5/4/2 vote for Ryan.
HERE'S WHAT'S ACTUALLY HAPPENING (or what I think is happening based on my sleuthing) - David Dani and Michael are voting for Ryan - Ahrre is voting for Rhys - and myself, Scooty, Ryan, Rhys, Tobi, Mo, and Felix are all voting for Dani. making it a 7/3/1 split.
I really hate how cocky I sound rn but holy fuck Mercia really crumbled and I barely did anything except for keeping Sweyn/Felix/Mo/Tobi on my side. Thank god. plus with all of this info we gathered now it'll be a lot easier to pull in Ahrre so we can take out the rest of Mercia.
see y'all at F10 <3
everyone in this game can stay shook sweyn is runnin this shit..
this is legit my gameplan. be a crazy ass bitch and be a mess and people will never vote ur ass cus they think ull lose in ftc LAMJFBFG
OKAY. So lets catch up on the vote.
Originally sweyn was going for David. So Scotty was trying to get on it early and get people to swing to him. He told Michael. Michael tells David. David asks all of Sweyn if we heard his name.
We all regroup, and decide Michael or Dani is the best bet. As you know, snitches get stiches. Dani is Michaels ally and I have heard some people have been annoyed with her. So Dani is our new target. We have Tobi, Felix and Mo on board supposedly.
I continue the facade and talk to Michael and Dani about the vote with David. Inorder to keep David thinking its him. Going over whos voting who and blah blah.
Apprently the others, were going to go for Ryan. However Michael told Scotty about it being Ryan, when he was supposed to. This lead to Scotty telling Dani, who told David. So now *apprently* they think Ahrre told Scotty. So now I've been told the vote has been switched to me. But it may be split between me and Ryan.
So right now, I think Dani is going home, with a few votes on me or Ryan. However keyword being THINK. This could be completly a blindside on my half. Just gotta keep fingers crossed.
Man, so tonight's tribal is gonna be crazy. I got my alliance of Felix, Michael, Danielle and myself voting for Rhys. And I'm gonna use my vote steal to steal Ahrre's vote since he considered himself the swing vote and I'm gonna vote Rhys again with it. If this plan works, Rhys goes home.
We've been telling everyone else that the vote is Ryan, so in case there's an idol being played on either Rhys or Ryan, the other one will hopefully go home.
Ok so a lot has been going on and I've got a big headache so lets just sum it all up.
1. Scott is a dangerous little fella aparently the entire Felix throwing David under the bus last week story was bs.
2. OG Sweyn are going after David.
3. David is going after rhys but he's telling me to vote ryan for some reason, I assume that's because someone leaked the ryan vote to Scott and for some reason he thinks it was me? Either way he's really risking it considering I'm not sure he even has majority, plus he's alienating my ass so I have no real reason to keep him if I survive this round.
Anyhow I'm paranoid now so wish me gl.
Danielle is voted out 7-2-2.
0 notes