#thinking about my last 2 hard core crushes on platonic friends and how much i struggled with figuring out the difference

[landofgay]

re the post I just reblogged:

not only has my dad said a few times to me that he feels very strongly that I was put on this earth for a reason (he bases this on all the near death experiences he's had and also the reason behind why him and mom got together and then seperated, and a few other things) (I'm more inclined to believe him over my mom cause while I do think the 3 of us are kind of attuned to the universe and stuff, my mom's more delusional than he is, he's pretty grounded in reality lmao) anyways.

but the last time he mentioned this he added that whatever it is I'm put here to do, it won't be something that feels forced and difficult and hard to grasp at, it's gonna be something that just comes naturally and feels right and I'm just gonna be naturally good at it. and like idk what that'll be but hearing him say that put me sooo at ease that day!!! and I just need to keep that in mind forever

[astriiformes]

uhhh your uhh last post kinda hit bc I’m someone who used to ID as aro (I only ID as ace now), but I have a crush on my best friend who I spend multiple hours with every day. sometimes even 12 hours with them in a row. and next year we’re going to live together with two other friends. they’re aro and I would indeed appreciate a qpp… but I’m so scared telling them about my romantic feelings might make them uncomfortable, because for me romantic feelings are the same level of obsession I feel for tv shows and such. I like the idea of being partners in whatever way that could mean for them and I’d never ever wanna do something to make them uncomfortable… would you happen to have any advice for this… if not that’s quite alright

So I can only offer so much advice because everyone is different, but I would definitely recommend talking to them about your feelings! If you genuinely would be interested in a queerplatonic relationship with them instead of a romantic one, even with how you feel about them, that's completely fair and appropriate to share with someone.

The two things I would recommend emphasizing are:

1) That you really do mean that what's important to you is the idea of being partners in whatever way that means to them. I think that's a very nice way of putting it and centers their feelings as an important part of your query

and 2) That even if they don't want a queerplatonic relationship, you sharing this is mostly to be honest and find out their thoughts, and you still want to remain friends with them no matter the answer. It's entirely possible that, even if you do everything "right" and they see you as a very dear friend, they just might not be interested in a qp relationship (same as any kind of relationship). Or they might want to approach it differently. I know that I personally am in a committed friendship/relationship I tend not to always refer to as queerplatonic because I am also extremely romance-repulsed and find I often don't like being called a "partner" in any sense -- but even then, practically, it still looks like living with a friend in a committed situation we intend to continue for the rest of our lives

I can't predict how your friend will feel about all this, but conceptually at least, queerplatonic relationships are absolutely not just for aromantic people, and in fact are a great route to explore when two people with some kind of "mismatch" in orientation are still interested in committing to each other in important ways. Even if your friend wants something different, so long as you assure them this doesn't have to change things between you if they don't want it to and that you are genuinely interested in sharing whatever kind of relationship they would be comfortable for them (a friendship, a queerplatonic relationship, or something more complicated), asking to find out how they feel about the idea is still okay.

And it might make them a little uncomfortable! It might be kind of awkward! These things can be messy without anyone doing anything wrong. But it sounds like they are very important to you, and you care about them and your friendship in ways that can be preserved with careful and committed communication about what your friend is comfortable with. So long as you center that, that's the core of any good relationship.

I hope that helps some? Again, obviously I cannot speak for all aromantic people -- or for your friend specifically -- but these are at least my own thoughts as an aro person and ones that I find ring true in relationships of all kinds. People are complicated! Relationships are complicated! There are so many weird ins and outs and inbetweens to them, and the platonic/romantic binary that society tries so hard to enforce is impractical and inauthentic to many people's experiences. If you keep in mind that, and the fact that you love your friend no matter what, I bet you can navigate this.

[poisonedapples]

Writing Masterlist

All my fics in a very unorganized order (most can also be found on my Ao3 under the same name Poisonedapples)

Verses and Chaptered Stories

Service Dog AU Masterlist

A high school AU where Roman has a service dog named Princess. The basics you need to know with this world.

Core Four AU Masterlist

A superhero AU. A group of superheroes are the only people with powers that fight for justice, the rest deciding to use their powers for evil. Sometimes shenanigans, sometimes angst.

Patton’s Home for Traumatized Kids Masterlist

Roman has to have a completely new start. New school, new town, new home and a new family. As a kid in his first foster home, Roman isn’t prepared to trust these people and get hurt again, but he’s not the only kid in the house recovering from past issues. Regardless, their foster father Patton is ready to be the dad they’ve always needed, and traumatized kids learn to lean on each other for support.

Lasting Impressions Masterlist

Virgil makes a good friend at the weirdest time of day; four in the morning, where everyone and their dog is fast asleep. However, deciding to befriend that person ends up getting him into a lot more trouble than he could ever suspect. His new friend ended up going missing that same night. And Virgil was the last person to see him alive.

Platonic One Shot Fics

Anxiety--The “Dark” Trait

 Virgil has always had problems fitting into a certain group, but Patton hasn’t failed to make him feel welcome. Written immediately after “Can Lying Be Good?” (No read more)

Deadname: 1/2

Logan gets deadnamed a lot. Part of the Transder Sides verse (discontinued). (No read more)

Deadname: 2/2

Logan gets deadnamed a lot. But he has crises about his identity more. Part of the Transder Sides verse (discontinued). (No read more)

Dysphoria

Our favorite boys are feeling dysphoric at the same time. Transder Sides verse (discontinued). (No read more)

Dark Side of Christmas

Christmas is known as the happiest, most welcoming time of year. But when you’re Roman, that’s not always the case. PTSD!Roman

Romantic/Queerplatonic One Shot Fics:

Late Night Crofters

Virgil makes Logan some Crofters after he runs out. Pure fluff. (No read more)

My Happy Ending

Roman looks back on how much Patton has changed. Slightly unsympathetic Patton, past Queerplatonic Royality.

Relationships

Virgil thinks about how much he loves his relationship. Written for pride month with QPR LAMP.

The Prince and His Royal Servant

Roman is a relatively new servant under the command of Prince Patton. The last year of his life has been spent doing chores for his highness and getting an even bigger crush on him the more he giggles. But once Patton asks an especially daring thing of Roman, things...get more out of hand than he thought they would.  

Domestic Life (Was Never Quite My Style)

Even with a baby Patton who refuses to go to sleep, Roman finds himself having the loveliest night with his family. Parent Logince with their son, Patton.

Ao3 Exclusive:

(Either I couldn’t find the Tumblr link, or I’ve never posted it on here)

The First Time

Virgil hates Roman Prince more than any other person alive. But it’s hard to be annoyed by his existence when he shows up at Patton’s door beat up with tears in his eyes.

Colored Sounds of the Rain

Roman wakes up because of the thunder outside. His sleepy boyfriend Virgil is awake by his side too, and Roman gets to see the colors of Virgil’s tired voice.

Operation Blushy Prince

Patton has a plan; see how fast and how hard he can make his boyfriend Roman blush in just one day. Roman was always the romantic, charming and effortlessly sweeping Patton off of his feet to make him giggle, so he figured that all the stops would need to be pulled in order to break Roman’s cool. Turns out it was...a lot easier than Patton expected.

[curiousconch]

Recovery

Chapter 9 of Ricochet (An Open Heart AU)

Catch up here: Series Masterlist

Chapter Synopsis: As Heather is set to recover, will her relationship with Rafael follow the same path? 

Pairing: Rafael Aveiro x MC (Dr. Heather Song) | Bryce Lahela x MC (Dr. Heather Song) ft. PLATONIC Dr. Ethan Ramsey

Words: 1.4k+ | Genre: Crime, Suspense/Thriller, Romance

Rating/Warnings: Mature (16+) / themes of physical and emotional trauma 

Author's Notes: This very very very angsty chapter was inspired by a favorite song of mine from Taylor Swift's 1989 album, Clean. Halfway through, I wrestled with the emotions of this chapter, and another song titled Say Something, a haunting duet by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera helped me complete the rest of the narrative.

Thank you so much for taking time to read this series. Please let me know if you want me to include/remove you in the tags list. Also, disclaimer: Majority of the characters are owned by Pixelberry, except the main character Heather Song.

Rafael watched from a distance as the doctors scrambled to revive her back to life. 

Seeing her actually slip away terrified him. But what was more horrific is how he could only watch on helplessly, with no ability to come to her rescue. It shook him to the core.

For so long he believed that he can be her own personal savior, her superman. But during the most crucial of times, the sinking knowledge that he simply can't fulfill the one promise he made gnawed at him life a nightmare coming to life. 

The fact that he himself had inflicted a deep wound on her heart just a few days ago crushed him all the more. 

He had no right to be here, he realized. He had already gave up that privilege on the day he chose his ego over her. It was when he decided to fulfill his fantasy of being someone else's hero, rather than coming to terms with the truth that she will never need him the way he wanted to. 

Even when the flashback of them at Donahues, where he asked her to consider taking him back, nipped at his already guilt-ridden heart. The sheer audacity of him to demand that from her, only a selfish person without care would ask someone to do that. 

The illusion that he hold onto for so long crumbled into dust. With it, was his determination to cling to what once was. 

"She's going to be okay, Raf," his silent torment was interrupted by Elijah, who approached him in the corner of the room. 

He looked up to him, then to the direction where she was laid down, and heard the merciful evenly-paced beep of the heart rate monitor. 

Relief washed over him. She lived. 

He quietly mouthed a thank you to Dr. Greene. When he was left alone yet again, he ruminated at the stormy thoughts that filled his head. 

She has suffered enough heartache for a lifetime. And for him to continue to pursue her is to only prolong her trauma and heartache over his actions. For them, there was no recovery. 

Today was not a chance to begin again. It was a chance to make it right and finally give up. 

It was then that he decided, it was time to let her go.

***

Heather woke up as she was wheeled into the hospital room. The white fluorescent light made her eyes flicker, her vision trying to adjust to the sudden brightness after a long stay in the dark. 

A baritone voice boomed into the quiet, jolting her consciousness awake. 

"Well, you put up a mighty fight today, Rookie." 

Heather couldn't help a snicker, her vision darting around to sought out the speaker. 

"I had to, or you'll probably chase me to the afterlife with your scalding commentary, Dr. Ramsey."

She heard him chuckle in response. 

"Still snarky, I see," the attending quipped, as he approached the side of her bed and pressed a button on a remote. Slowly, her upper body raised up, as the headboard elevated. She tried to curve her lips into a smile only to feel a tingling pain, making her wince a little. 

"Easy there, Dr. Song. You just went to hell and back today." Ethan said, a clipboard tucked between his fingers. 

"Funny that you say that," she said. "I still feel like hell though."

Her mentor can only manage a faint smile, an endearing affection coming across his piercing blue eyes. She knew that look. It was the same kind of gaze she saw him give Dolores during her intern year. A subtle look of genuine concern which she attributed to their growing relationship as mentor and protege. 

It was just a matter of seconds before that look vanished, replaced by a more formal version. 

"It's going to be a couple of days of recovery for you," he explained. "You suffered from severe hyperkalemia, which, with the help of your friend from the DA, we have managed to de-escalate as soon as possible."

Heather couldn't help but blink at what was just mentioned. "I'm sorry, my friend from the DA?"

"Yes, ADA Lahela was able to identify the correct chemical compound within the first half hour after you arrived here," he paused as he checked the flow of her IV. "It aided us to do the proper intervention in the nick of time."

He was right. Anymore than 30 minutes into the system, potassium chloride would have bound to the blood cells and would have caused permanent, if not fatal damage in her system. 

She'll have to thank Bryce the first chance she gets. Her memories went back to their last conversation, and she shivered at the unavoidable confrontation that will take place. 

Her hands trailed up to her temple, where she felt a bandage. She recalled her fall, thinking it was how she got wounded. 

"Ah, yes. We're going to do an MRI for that, just to make sure we're not missing anything else. But apart from that, you'll do alright." He concluded. 

"Thanks Dr. Ramsey," her appreciation was sincere.

He nodded. He was about to express something else, when a knock on the door hindered him. 

Both of them swiveled at the visitor. Heather swallowed hard as the dark brown eyes looked back at her, the familiar figure standing by the doorway. 

"May I come in?" Rafael said with a hint of hesitation as he put a foot forward.

Ethan Ramsey twisted his gaze back to Heather, checking if he would allow the young man in. Although he saw her body tense, she lightly nodded.

"Sure, Agent Aveiro. We're just about finished here." the attending gently patted Heather's hand. "I'll see you in the morning, Rookie."

When Dr. Ramsey departed, Raf made his way towards her, as if in a daze. Heather bit her lower lip and touched the tips of her brunette fringes. The thin tube of the IV tangled in her arm giving her an excuse to avert her eyes away from his for a few seconds.

"Are you doing alright?" Raf asked, taking a seat on the standard-issued metal chair beside her bed.

"Yeah, I'm okay, I've been through worse." she mumbled, almost whispering.

A sharp pang of contrition reverberated within him, unsure of which ordeal she just called as a better alternative than what she just went through. Although his adultery was probably a main contender.

His head bowed low as if navigating through the warring indecision between his heart and mind. While distracted, a soft pitter-patter of rain slid against the glass window. It was as if nature was conspiring against him, yet another heaven-given sign that their end was inevitable.

How can ending a relationship be made easier? There was no path that would prove to be less difficult, except for an admission of the truth. The least hurtful road to traverse is the turn towards an honest confession that what they had has intersected with their own definition of their limits. 

Rafael cleared his throat, the noise making Heather face him.

"Heather," he began. "I know I promised to be the person who you can turn to, anytime you needed." His lips quivered, fumbling with the right words to say. 

"But I broke that," he simply said, reaching for her hands and lacing it with his. His head dropped so low in between his shoulders that his cheek touched the fabric of her hospital blanket.

Her eyes shone as she slowly took in his words, soaking in the finality of the tone he uttered them with. When she survived her kidnapping tonight, she initially thought she won a battle. But only hours after, they were losing the war.

Rafael's tears soaked through the white sheet, like the rain that drowned the street outside the sullen, sterile hospital room. His muffled groans of defeat echoed through the silence that crawled in between. Although his heart burst in a million shards, deep down he knew it was ultimately for the best.

They couldn't remember how long they stayed still. Eventually, he lifted his head where his gaze fell upon the softness of her features. His thumb gently grazed her cheek, asking for permission.  She nodded, an unspoken agreement similar to what she used to give him before.

In a heartbeat, their lips met, savouring the taste of each other, fully aware that this will be the very last time. The kiss was sweet, but tainted bitter by their unspoken farewell. When they pulled apart, there was no question that it was the end of the road for them. 

There was nothing left to say.

But before they separated, a set of amber eyes witnessed the ending of their love affair, misinterpreting it as a last ditch effort to salvage the remnants of their irreparable relationship. 

The prosecutor fled from the hospital room without so much as a word, unnerved by the scene that put another blow on his own pursuit of love. 

Tags: @eleanorbloom @ramsey-lahela @choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

***

Author's Notes 2: Although Rafael is still my OTP, what he did in the beginning of this series rendered him and Heather permanently broken. Cheating, no matter the justifications, will always be cheating. And dealing with the consequences of it, especially by the offended party, will be a hard mountain to summit. Raf chose to let Heather go, and for me, that proves that he loves Heather enough, so that he could spare her from further emotional trauma. She has more than enough to deal with now.

[beccasfm]

𝐣𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐞 𝐤𝐢𝐦. 𝐜𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞. 𝐬𝐡𝐞/𝐡𝐞𝐫.  ／  𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐜𝐚 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐩��𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐮𝐩 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐢 𝐛𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐚𝐧  — 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 ! 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰, 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲-𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫, 𝐢’𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲’𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐟, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐮𝐩 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐢𝐭 𝐛𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐢𝐟 𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦, 𝐢’𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐩𝐢𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐬, 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫-𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬, 𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐮𝐧 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬. 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞’𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐞 !

                          𝕡𝕖𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕕 𝕓𝕪 𝕞𝕠𝕠𝕟. 𝟚𝟜. 𝕖𝕤𝕥. 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕪/𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞.

what’s up friends! first off: i’m moon, i’m a Certified Mess™ and this is my baby becca. it’s my first time playing her in a group, and i’ve tried to pin down some career claims that best represent her but there will be a couple tweaks so pls bare with me ?? that being said, on an out of character note… i’m very nice but salty trash. 99% gay. crazy energy. there’s prolly a tiktok of me passed out in a deep freezer somewhere bc i can’t control myself. i LOVE to talk 2 talk so come into my dms if u ever wanna hc and scream into oblivion. now, onto the actual important stuff:

𝕤 𝕥 𝕒 𝕥 𝕚 𝕤 𝕥 𝕚 𝕔 𝕤 , 

𝗙𝗨𝗟𝗟 𝗡𝗔𝗠𝗘: becca park. 𝗡𝗜𝗖𝗞𝗡𝗔𝗠𝗘(𝗦): b, bec, becks, basically anything! 𝗔𝗚𝗘: twenty-one. 𝗕𝗜𝗥𝗧𝗛𝗗𝗔𝗬: february 23rd. 𝗚𝗘𝗡𝗗𝗘𝗥: cis female. 𝗣𝗥𝗢𝗡𝗢𝗨𝗡𝗦: she/her 𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡𝗧𝗜𝗖 𝗢𝗥𝗜𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡: panromantic. ( closeted ) 𝗦𝗘𝗫𝗨𝗔𝗟 𝗢𝗥𝗜𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡: pansexual. ( closeted ) 𝗛𝗘𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧: 5′5 𝗠𝗢𝗥𝗔𝗟 𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗚𝗡𝗠𝗘𝗡𝗧: neutral good. 𝗠𝗕𝗧𝗜: infp. 𝗛𝗢𝗚𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗦 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘: hufflepuff. 𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗜𝗧𝗦: kind, gentle, hardworking, spineless, fearful, devoted, loyal, intelligent, adaptable, cautious.

𝕓 𝕒 𝕔 𝕜 𝕘 𝕣 𝕠 𝕦 𝕟 𝕕 ,

growing up on the set of a beloved family sitcom wasn’t a typical childhood, but it’s one becca is quite fond of considering the track record of child starlets and how they feel about their pasts. if you asked becca now, in private, she might say she wishes she had a time machine to go back to when she’d be eating sandwiches with her co-stars on set and doing the homework her private tutor had laid out for her between takes.

*( pls note i claimed both full house / boy meets world and that’s because becca’s show/history stretches from age 5 to her teen years, the timeline didn’t really add up but use ur imagination pls i did the best i could.. )

she grows up in front of a camera and absolutely loves it. acting is where she’s meant to be, even if it’s sitcom material. it’s good for her age, lighthearted, and she has surprisingly supportive people around her. she works maybe more than a kid should, but she finds that’s her default preference, and sitting alone for too long makes her restless. the show itself has quite the cult following and the diehard fans accumulate over the years. by the time becca is in her teens and social media is booming, her and her co-star are thrust into the spotlight. it’s all sweet, fun and games, becca now having a platform to get familiar with the fans she loves so much. the show’s success not only makes up her childhood, but the childhood of so many others, and something about that becomes irreplaceable to her.

however, all good things must come to an end. when she’s going on seventeen, the show is finally cancelled, the last episode finally giving viewers what they wanted: a happy ending for becca’s character and her co-star’s, the ship that had been over a decade in the making. cameras cut, lights off, and suddenly the team that was once so supportive of her is nowhere to be seen.

becca is desperate not to fall out. 

they tell her there’s not much room for her in the acting world, that having such a household name under her belt means people won’t associate her with anything else, and her team convinces her to give up on acting entirely. becca is crushed, but understands ( sort of ), and even if acting is where her heart is, she listens to ‘ what’s best for her ’.

thus, her pop career starts. it’s the formula for every washed up childstar, but becca is determined to make things work. she might not have the best pipes in the business or the most refined writing skills, but she has heart, and she will do anything she sets her mind to, anything it takes to be seen as good. so she puts triple the hours in the dance studio, recording studio, practices writing songs every day, does her scales until it finally clicks. her fans take to her well enough and becca doesn’t disappear long enough to be forgotten about. instead, she re-emerges as BECCA, all caps for her stage name, and re-invents herself to keep her claws in hollywood.

still, the rising fame in the cutthroat industry, especially as a teenage girl, is quite terrible. suddenly she goes from the beloved sweetheart of everyone’s favorite sitcom to a real popstar, someone that dates, someone that goes out, someone that’s seen in the spotlight. and as much as she’s praised, she’s scrutinized. for someone that takes criticism hard, it’s her biggest challenge yet.

rather than succumbing to the trainwreck trope, becca does the opposite. she keeps doing her yoga, rarely if ever drinks in public, always has a smile on, dates in private, dodges all potential scandals to keep the focus on her music and off her personal life. and so far, it’s working, but for someone that’s singing pop music written by everyone else instead of acting in front of a camera, how long can she keep it up?

𝕡 𝕖 𝕣 𝕤 𝕠 𝕟 𝕒 𝕝 𝕚 𝕥 𝕪 ,

at her core, becca is a kind, loyal and just person. she cares deeply for other people and finds it hard to cope with the immense pressure and materialism of the industry she works in at times. she hopes one day to return to acting, but growing up surrounded by opinions older and bigger than hers, she’s quite used to doing what she’s told.

she has a hard time trusting herself with choosing what’s good for her. instead, she listens to the opinions of others. she puts a lot of weight on it, and can come across as spineless. an industry puppet. she’s on stage dancing and singing, but her heart is somewhere else. still, it doesn’t stop her from putting everything else she has into it.

even when it’s something she doesn’t particularly want, becca is nothing but grateful. she works until she sweats and until she has blisters. she is nothing if not persistent. everything is done graciously, because becca doesn’t do much, if anything, out of spite.

at times it can all come crashing in on her, though. for someone that cares a lot about what people think, having ten million people look your way constantly can be overwhelming. she’s naturally introverted and leans on this during these times. lots of time at home with her cats, watching films, baking, hiding away from the world.

becca doesn’t date or party in public because she’s so intensely afraid of scandal or judgement. that doesn’t stop her from going out, but she’s more likely to hold the purses and help get someone home than she is to dance on a table. still, she avoids judging anyone herself. she worries for everyone else, and only wants to see the people around her succeed.

𝕨 𝕒 𝕟 𝕥 𝕖 𝕕  𝕔 𝕠 𝕟 𝕟 𝕖 𝕔 𝕥 𝕚 𝕠 𝕟 𝕤 ,

good influence. perhaps another pop singer that helps her out, works as a confidante, someone she asks tips of and helps her get into something she’s not fully adjusted to yet. ‘don’t play that venue, it sucks’ typa friend.

ride or die. someone that’s known her since her good ol’ tv days and has stuck by her. someone she tells all her secrets to, someone that she confides in with her secret of not really wanting to do music at all. basically, they’d tell each other everything and keep it under lock and key.

enemies. maybe a rival? it could be new, perhaps an award show slip up, or an old enemy from her tv days. it could be a two-way street, purely online beef, or some mutual dislike through the grapevine.

her personal mess. someone that’s messy as hell that becca takes care of. she gets them home after a wild night, or comes in to do damage control before any paps get a view of what’s happening. she helps protect them and their image.

friends turned sour. despite her kind nature, becca can easily be accused of living a lie or being inauthentic. someone that was once her friend but can’t stand her inability to tell people no, or do what she really wants. 

jump off the trainwreck. since she’s so obsessed with her image, perhaps she could have an enemy that was someone she abandoned after a scandal? the ‘i can’t associate with you’ type thing because it brings headlines, and they aren’t fond that she lets the media get in the way of their relationship. could be a platonic one or a romantic one.

behind closed doors. someone she’s seeing but refuses to tell anyone about because she’s afraid what people will think, or doesn’t want to be scrutinized for it. the other muse could either agree, or be frustrated with their situation.

shout out to my ex. maybe they dated and either they write a song about becca that goes viral or vice versa. names may not be named, but there’s tons of speculation by fans and there’s definitely some tension / drama about who and what it’s fully about, but maybe only they know!

and of course, any exes, hookups, casual friends, etc. are up for grabs !

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

1. I am an INTP 5w6 female and I want to know how to meet new people, it didn't bother me before but I had a boyfriend.of 1.5years and I now miss having someone in my life, don't remember exactly what I wrote but I thought I had made a good choice and was really hopeful about that relationship and I tried hard to make it work but I couldn't deal with his bs anymore, I did for a while cause I thought he was worth it, I've been trying to build deeper relationships but didn't care before so imbehnd

2. My ex wasn't extremely manipulative but he lied and hid things from me and got angry when I complained when his stories made no sense, I left We knew each other for so long and I couldn't deal with him not apologizing for his bs and blaming me for what he was doing, I just couldn't justify the relationship even if I still loved him This lead me to believe my strategy was wrong since I thought I knew him and that he was more mature than that, no matter how high the filter this could happen..

3. It's just so disappointing, you know? That people can be such assholes after managing to present themselves as the opposite of that for so long I've never really had close friendships except for my ex, and a few friends (I guess?) I didn't care much for this before since I'm alright on my own, but I found that I really liked having someone, so I'm trying to meet new people now that I'm more or less healing, but idk how to do it, acquaintances used to fall in my lap before but not anymore

4. I'm 23 yo, about to get my degree. I do have a crush on a classmate but when I try to picture us going out it feels awkward and weird since I don't know him very well, I need to know people well before considering dating... I'm just very lost and I feel kind of behind from everyone else since I'm super inexperienced (only that one bf, and it was long distance...) and idk how to correct that at this point. I've been dressing better so people treat me better (haven't noticed, makes sense tho)

5. People do seem to like me well enough but I guess everyone already has their group of friends and is too busy to invite me places often enough that I become part of the core group, but I'm getting there, a bit (I think) I've been going everywhere I've been invited with my classmates lately but they don't really bring anyone new, I've managed to be a step up from acquaintance with a girl friend, which is nice, with older friends the same thing happens, even if we come across their friends...

6. I've always had a hard time fitting in very well, romantically I'd love to have someone at a similar experience level because I feel like I missed out on being a crucial relationship for the other person, but my ex had several gfs before and I didn't care too much then but now I do because afterwards certain things made me feel bad, but I guess I could manage anyway.I also get paranoid when I read what other bs some people manage to do like marrying someone but loving their bestfriend instead

7. I apologize for making it so long but I thought it'd be necessary to give a bit of info on myself and my thoughts, my age, what I've been trying etc I just wanna meet good people at this point in my life and want some tips on how to do that without taking extremely long only for them to be assholes anyways... I think I've managed to make some more acquaintances but I've only clicked with two girls I talk to outside of the classroom when we're not hanging out, gonna focus on them rn-----------------------

(very long response ahead)

I know this is not what you asked nor is it necessarily going to be helpful or relevant but: I would strongly rethink your type. Ti-doms and 5s are both vanishingly unlikely to drop seven asks worth of highly personal and emotionally open information in the inboxes of total strangers.

With regards to the actual question, this is really not an MBTI question (more on this at the end) and not entirely something I’d consider myself an expert on. I very much hope I am not the only person you can go to on this because I personally wouldn’t want me to be my only source of advice on this. With those caveats, see below.

I think Tumblr (and to be fair some forms of media) portray friendships and relationships as an attraction at first sight/immediate connection.

This is fucking stupid.

Because I tie everything back to my personal soapbox causes: this is why I have such disdain for the anti-small talk crowd, or people who think they’re special because they crave a deep, below-the-surface human connection. Nearly everyone wants deep connection. It’s normal and healthy. It’s also an ongoing process that nearly always involves some period of time during which you and the other potential friend are awkward acquaintances who don’t entirely understand each other and have to talk about surface-level things. You can’t speedrun intimacy.

This is particularly true in adulthood. Children do make friends more quickly, but also children are weird and fickle and a friendship can be based on little more than sharing crayons (not to knock that, plenty of great friendships started that way) while adults have a much better sense of who they are and also typically a much more narrow definition of who they want as a friend and all kinds of emotional baggage to boot.

Essentially, if you want a friendship that matches the depth of a relationship of 1.5 years it’s probably going to take close to 1.5 years to get there, and from what you said you’d known each other even longer before the romantic relationship, so add that time too. Which might not be what you want to hear, but it’s important to manage the expectation. Basically all relationships (and by this I mean romantic or platonic) start out with little connection, and you become friends through building that connection, and you can’t really rush it.

I believe in “clicking” in the sense of there being an immediate mutual interest in getting to know each other better, but speaking practically, regardless of the initial chemistry you are still basically intrigued strangers at that point. All clicking does is provide additional motivation for that process of getting to know each other. And speaking from experience, deep friendships in the long term don’t always have an initial “click”. I’ve had relationships that were initially quite intense fade away, and others slowly grow from acquaintanceship into lasting intimate friendship even if we didn’t expect it on first meeting. The myth of clicking is confirmation bias - unless there was a serious fallout, you’ll probably forget the people who you thought you clicked with if it didn’t just work out, and conversely it’s not hard to look back through the lenses of memory and nostalgia and find a single moment when a friendship or love crystalized, even though the reality is that it was merely the tipping point after considerable energy had already been invested on both sides.

In terms of practical advice, finishing up a degree is a uniquely awkward time, especially if all your classmates are in the same boat, because there’s often a mentality of “we’re all going to leave soon, let’s stick with the friendships we have.” Others in your class may not have that motivation to make a close connection, and it sucks but it’s temporary. The good news is that the larger world doesn’t feel that way. It is a bit more difficult to make friends as an adult, just because you’re not spending time with people naturally the same way as you do in school, but meetups and clubs and social organizations all exist for this reason and are explicitly there for people who want to make friends. And again, it’s going to be a slow process. I respect that it’s frustrating having to start from what feels like square one, but it’s unavoidable.

As for dating, you don’t need to do apps if you don’t want to! But you’re right. It’s going to be comparatively inefficient. Particularly if you prefer to date people you already know socially, you’ll have to put in a lot of effort going to social things and building those acquaintanceships over time and you might need to ask someone out face to face. Inexperience is fine. Everyone has to start somewhere. The tradeoff is more that you can’t screen people as well if you’re on apps, and they can be kind of impersonal but you do get to interact with many people quickly on your own terms without having to go outside and with the luxury of being able to think up witty comebacks instead of having to chat in real time.

(I do want to counter the idea that people who use apps are any less deep or anything like that. Some people are comfortable with casual hookups and some aren’t, but many people use apps to set up a date first and see if they have enough of an interest to keep things going. As with all of the above, everything has to start somewhere and if you think of the app as a way to facilitate meeting people, rather than “I must make a romantic connection with this person tonight”, and steer towards dating vs. hookup apps/make it clear you’re looking for long-term relationships, you might have more luck. The point of the first date for most people isn’t to find a partner, though sometimes that happens; it’s to find someone you enjoy enough to go on a second date with and slowly get to know).

One final thought: all this advice applies universally but I actually think considering it in the context of MBTI is more harmful than helpful, or at best misleading. For example, you say that being a 5 you take too long to check if people are safe, which whether or not you actually are a 5 also has absolutely nothing to do with being a 5, and even if you are a 5 and this is a 5 thing, you’re aware of this behavior! You can stop doing that then! MBTI is not destiny!

Regardless of type, no one automatically knows what to say in every situation, no one can read minds, and no one has discovered the secret to always being liked and never being rejected. Type can convey talent or inclination but skill requires time. Extroverts are often better with people because they have to be - they aren’t as okay with just being alone, especially when younger, so they go out and deal with people and through that process learn to make friends. But they weren’t born with it. Sites that favor introverts and/or intuitives are terrible for a lot of reasons but I find they perpetuate the ideas I disagreed with above, that friendships for introverts and intuitives must always be with people who Click and Already Get It. This is wrong and it’s limiting. Obviously don’t pursue a friendship or relationship if you don’t like the person, but don’t write someone off just because you didn’t feel a magical spark right away. That’s not being deep and sensitive - that’s being closed off to new experiences. Anything worth doing involves real-world effort and some amount of risk, and usually it involves patience and time and awkwardness and uncertainty as well.

[simplyoriginalcharacters]

Making Characters for Relationships

Hi there!

Shields here to talk about writing characters to be inside relationships. Let’s start with what that means. Have you ever read a story where two characters fall deeply in love and all you can think is, why would those two ever get together? That’s because the author created two characters, detailed out their thoughts, hopes, and dreams, then randomly paired them with each other. This doesn’t make for a good read. If a relationship is going to be central to your story, you have to create the characters together so that they make sense together. There are a number of different types of relationships, and I’ll try to touch on most of them as we talk about this.

I’m going to separate into two categories, short term relationships and long term.

Short Term: These relationships don’t last long, even when people want them to. They come about in two main ways.

1. Attraction

Attraction is the number one way we see characters come together. Now when I say attraction people tend to think of sexual or physical attraction, because we read about these the most. This happens in real life all the time. People think they want a relationship with someone based off of appearances only. This is easy to put in a story because the characters don’t have to complement each other in any way.

When platonic attraction happens it’s usually because one party covets something about the other person. Think about how many people want to be best friends with celebrities. They don’t actually know the person, but the fame and glamour keeps people coming back. Also, platonic attraction is often mistaken for romantic attraction, which is why phrases like “Man Crush” have been invented.

Strange attractions make for compelling stories, but they don’t tend to last long. Attraction only goes so far.

2. Situational

Put into the correct situation, any two people will form a connection. Take two sworn enemies who have hated each other since birth. Now have them kidnapped by aliens and taken to a home world where they are the only two humans. They will find a way to work together real quick. Situational romances have given us the term ‘showmances’. The moment the movie, show, or play ends, the relationship dissolves. A situation can be people being in the same physical locations, being in events together, or sharing emotions. When writing these relationships it’s important to consider how the situation affects the characters and how that draws them together. A common theme in movies is the hero and heroine falling in love because they survived the ordeal together. Again, this is not the basis for a long term commitment.

Long Term: These are hard to write and it is absolutely imperative that if you want a relationship to feel authentic and sustainable that characters in these relationships be written with each other in mind. These are your family relationships, life long best friends, marriages, business partners, band members, anything that spans the decades relies on some dynamics.

1. Complimentary Qualities

The Peanut Butter to your Jelly. Some people simply work better together. The forgetful partner owes a debt of gratitude to the person who always remembers to bring the correct books home from school. The extrovert relies on their introvert to remind them to take a step back from the noise and breathe. The push and pull is standard in relationships and should be believable without being too far apart. Having little idiosyncrasies that your partner helps you with is not the same thing as being polar opposites.

2. Common Core Values

Look at any couple who has been together for 50 years. They will tell you they worked at their relationship but also that they wanted the same things out of life. Happy long term relationships require that people examine not just what is right and wrong, but how you get to those places. If the western wind is a call leading you to adventure you need partners who will pack up with you. If one of your characters wants a brood of children while the other wants to live a free life untethered, someone is going to be unhappy. Don’t mistake core values for things that don’t affect lifestyle. “My best friend believes in God and I don’t” is not a reason to dissolve a friendship unless it affects your ability to interact. If both people believe in true respect, love, and tolerance things can work out but you have to purposely write that into your story. Values do not happen by accident in writing.

3. What Do We Do Together?

This is a huge portion of life that gets overlooked in so much literature. The chosen one has saved the world and she’s run off with the love of her life. What do they have to talk about? This is why situational relationships collapse. High school has ended, does your friend group have anything to talk about? Welcome to ‘I feel like I don’t even know them anymore’. In an epic romance novel the love will die out and the marriage will end once they realize they have nothing in common. Characters who have been married for twenty years should have things they do together. They camp, they cook, they talk about cars, football, flowers, birds, hunting, writing, reading. Once you know someone’s stories you need something else to go on. This is one of the reasons why it’s so hard to write age-gap relationships. These people come from different generations. They don’t have any common cultural stuff to fall back on, and they usually are in two different life phases. If it’s not a power imbalance, there have to be a lot of commonalities pulling them together.

Take a look at any two characters you’re writing who are in a relationship. What do they do when your story ends? If they sat down to a meal together, what would they talk about if your plot wasn’t happening? Now ask yourself, would they continue to talk if the book didn’t force them to? It’s perfectly fine if you say no, but not if you want them to be long term. Choose activities and interests they can share forever. Children do not count.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with writing flash-in-the-pan relationships. People love to read about them, and they’re easy to write about. If you want two or more characters to be bound for life, it just takes more digging and foresight. Building your characters with enough similarities to bond them and enough differences to enrich them can be difficult, but it’s rewarding.

Happy Writing!

-Shields  

[vulnerabl-t]

Love life

T- My First Girlfriend was when I was 18 in Junior year of High School. I first noticed her in Chemistry, she had beautiful red hair, dark brown eyes that seemed to swallow your attention,  a full and dashing smile, smart and charismatic, she could catch you off guard with her sarcasm. I would toss glances her way when I got to class and catch myself staring at her when class lost my interest. She played soccer and golf, but that’s all I knew about her at the time. The first words I ever spoke to her where mustered up over weeks, rethinking what could go wrong over and over again. Telling my self what a dime she was and that I could never land a girl like her. She was a bird and I was a leaf, two things that brush by constantly but one never would need the  other. I finally said those encouraged words, “Those are cool Nikes.” Clever, really out-did myself on that one. She glanced around and down at her shoes, then back at me, pointing to herself,  “Oh mine?” Somehow someway, I was able to start hanging out with her, I invited her to Sand volleyball and we played till 3 in the morning. I kept telling myself there is so many ways to mess this up, lets hope I don't. We continued to hang out for a couple weeks into the summer, I asked a couple buddies if they wanted to go to Zion, of course inviting her, which they enthusiastically said yes. We ended up hiking for a while, I would mess with her and she’d shoot it right back at me. My first kiss was on that hike. Being the kid with no experience and not understanding relationships, I bravely asked her to be my Girlfriend on the drive home from that. By bravely, I mean writing a classic, Yes/No question of if she would be my girlfriend or not on a piece of work paper. She looked at me, smiled beams at me while she checked a box, I asked which one and she said, “I think you know.” 

That summer was spent with me working 6am-7pm, 6 days a week at a car dealership and getting to see her only at night, after her practices. Everything was going really good, she’d come and visit me at work, and I’d come see her when I was off. I remember 4th of July vividly, she wore some cut-off jeans and boots, with a cowboy hat, and goddamn did she look fine. It was that kind of “How did I land you?” love. Of course, love started to fade, and it sucked. I remember seeing her somedays only to kiss for a solid hour and a half until she had to go home and that was it. Near the end of Summer, I went on family vacation with my parents, I tried to text her but my communication skills were rather par. The day after I got home, I had my wisdom teeth taken out. I hadn’t seen her in a solid 2 and half weeks, a text comes in, saying the dreaded line, “Can we talk outside?” With my puffy cheeks, wearing a hoodie and carrying things I had bought for her on the trip, I had my heart broken the First time. With not a lot to go on, only “it’s not you, it’s me.” Record Scratch. 

M- The next girlfriend was the longest relationship I have had. I met her while a buddy and I were walking back from lunch my Senior Year. She was dazzling, she had a boot on one leg and a cowboy boot on the other. She had a plaid shirt on and ombre hair (my weakness). Blue eyes that shook me to my core. I honestly didn’t say anything to her, my buddy was talking to the group that she was with and I stood laughing at his jokes and glancing at her. My buddy ended up introducing me to her weeks later, and I fell in love instantly and hard. I had already asked a girl to the next school dance but was ashamed I hadn’t asked her. My date ended up not being able to go to the day-date, so I asked her. She gave me an answer about a week later. That ended up being a really fun day-date to be honest. I couldn't help but think about her when my original date showed up later that night. Little did I know that this was going to wreck my world.  

We began talking more and more and taking her out on the weekends. I asked her to be my girlfriend and we were pretty swooned. In that April, I ended up breaking my ankle quite seriously. She was the one who drove me to the hospital. She sat there holding my hand when the x-ray came back, showing how brutal the break was. From there it was a tough battle. I missed the last dance because of surgery, she came by when she could after school. We went to Senior Trip, my roommates would leave to Disneyland, leaving me in the room and she would come over and lay with me for a while until I was ready to go. She was very sweet and kind-hearted. But she had a bad side as well. She ended up pissed multiple times during my recovery for unknown reasons to me. She had multiple bad breakdowns, (as did I because of the stress of my leg), She began to show me a side of her I hadn’t seen, fighting with her family, showing how awfully religious she was, and some emotional issues. 

I got recovered, back on my feet and I began to see her worse side. She began to bicker me for everything I did wrong or messed up. She threw attitudes at me, hated the way I wasn’t religious, hated the way I grew up, asked why we were even together, told me what I needed to change. She would belittle my interests and hobbies while gratifying her own.  What did I do? I stayed, stupidly I was too swept up with being in love. I began changing for her, I started going to church, began cutting off my friends. When my parents commented about how much I’d changed, I lashed out at them, telling them to “stop caring then.” When she told me that I did something wrong, I tried my best to change for her. I told her how much I loved her and she would reply medially back. I felt that I had no where else to go, no one other than her that would love me. She would give me back-handed remarks, when I told her of other girls jokes or something about someone she told me I should go date them instead. She told me how my sibling bothered her, or how my parents bothered her. Becoming more and more negative. I’d ask her what she’d like to do and we’d go enjoy them together, I would ask her to come with me to do something I love and only got Nihilism for it. She would complain about it, saying, “just take me home.” I enjoy lifting with all my heart and she would be mad at me for not taking her, then be pissed when she came with me because she didn’t enjoy it. It seemed that I was the one who was always reaching out to her and never getting anything back. I seemed to put 110% of my effort in, only to get 40% back. I told her I didn’t want kids and she treated me poorly for about 2 weeks, only to never have herself bring it up. Her parents weighed on me heavily as well, asking constantly if we were behaving, watching over us, eyeing us, always grilling us for some small reward to them. She wasn’t allowed over on holidays for very long, but I was pressured to stay over at theirs. I was baptized for her. Went through the whole process nodding my head and making false friendships to hopefully save this relationship. I told my uncle moments before getting baptized that it didn’t feel right. Because it was something I didn’t want for myself, only doing it for her. I glanced over at her the entire time during the service to get reassurance. She was a home wrecker, came into my life and tore apart everything I had and knew. 

I woke up in that December of being baptized and remember saying I don’t want to date her anymore. Only to be immediately corrected by a voice in my head saying, “no, you have to stay, it’ll work out, it has to.” 6 months later I finally got the balls to do it. I had worked up the courage for weeks on end, telling myself I will be alright, I need to get out of this now. I went over to her Grandma’s house and broke the news to her on the front porch. After an hour and half, I finally left, telling her sorry and please make it home safely. I got a call the following night, saying she wanted to talk things over and get understanding of it. Being the man my father raised me to be, I reluctantly went over to put it to rest. When I got to her house, I was confronted by her parents and dragged inside. They yelled and preached to an empty choir, I was done. When they quieted down, I calmly stood, gave the girl one last hug, told her parents thanks for the things they did for me, and left. That was one of the hardest things to recover from and I still have psychological issues from that toxic relationship that I'm trying to get over.

After that mess I've only had a couple short stents

E- Had a crush on a girl at the gym. Talked to her and stayed late. Strictly platonic, I just needed connection at the time and she honestly stole my heart. Red Flags popped up, like smoking, drug use and drinking heavily, dangerous activity but I continued talking to her. I was craving human connection because I hadn’t had any friends to talk to. Foolishly giving me a hard to get over crush. I matured up and told her I hadn’t recovered from my last relationship and wasn’t ready for anything, but I never got a response back, I had sent it through text because she seemed to have disappeared off the earth. I still think about her but I believe it was only because I truly cared about her. I was craving that emotional connection that I had failed to have. 

S- This one kind of stung, but for the best. She was in my humanities class and sat a row behind me. Gorgeous red head, had freckles that spot-lighted her pungent blue eyes. She had a tattoo on her wrist and ankle that stuck with me.  She ran track and cross-country so she was very active, something that is huge to me. I slowly got to know her, gave her rides to her car across campus after class. It was usually pegged with deafening silence, that I never knew how to crack. I slowly began to get small conversation out of her, like how she grew up, what her parents were like and all that. I invited her to dinner with my family and she politely said yes. We had a great time getting to know each other, this went on for about 2 months. I kissed her on my favorite spot in town during the sunset because I wanted everything for her to be perfect. She seemed to hold herself at a distance though, I still reckon that was half her never experiencing a relationship and the other half being defensive against relationship. I went over when she was sick to help her through it, and help her through rough school days. I remember one night where I had had a panic attack for some unknown at the time (I finally reasoned it was because she was holding herself at a distance and I craved intimacy.) I gave her a long hug at the door of her apartment and I held her close on the couch, being able to talk through what I had on my mind. I realize now that I was doing all of the communicating and she was mearily listening and not giving any input. She terminated the relationship by means of FaceTime, out of the blue on a Saturday night. I had sensed something was coming because she had grown even more distant. 

So what have I learned from all that? 

Communication- That I need someone who has good communication skills, who can let me inside their head and let me walk through whatever they’re going through with them. Someone who is non-defensive and open with me. I love when someone can be vulnerable with me. I want to express how I feel without scaring someone off. I have pretty good communication and am constantly working on it. I am also working on being open with people around me and to not skirt around someones feelings. 

Active & Healthy- I crave someone that wants to get outside. Someone who wants to go to the gym with me. Someone who is a hard worker. Someone who eats pretty healthy but can indulge every once in a while, not everyday. Someone who is motivated and will help keep me motivated, while I help them stay motivated. 

Positively realistic - I am mostly optimistic, I truly look for the best in the situation. When a situation gets bad I note the bad things, what could happen, what most likely will happen and keep my head above water. So to find someone who is mentally sound. 

Non-Religious: I’m not a fan of religion. It seems to turn peoples critcal thinking off and they turn close-minded. I would like someone who loves to talk about deep topics like why did man-kind make up a god figure? What religions are based off of earlier ones and so on. Religion ties people down and becomes a burden. 

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

Am I the only one who's horny for podcasts?

May is National Masturbation Month, and we're celebrating with Feeling Yourself, a series exploring the finer points of self-pleasure.

He murmurs into your ear, his voice as soft as it is authoritative. Dazed, you don't quite hear what he's saying, but it sounds imploring, urgent — making your heart beat quicker, breath heavy, lips part. 

This isn't a sexual encounter. It's a podcast. Dan Carlin's Hardcore History to be exact. And I'm horny for it.

It's about time we all acknowledged the unspoken eroticism of podcasts (at least, certain types of them).

For enthusiasts, podcasters whisper into our ears with honey-smooth voices on a weekly if not daily basis. (Oh, don't worry, we'll get to Michael Barbaro.) As we lay in our beds alone at night, they come with us, that soothing and familiar cadence washing over us, melting the day away until it's just us ... and that voice. Podcasters are also our constant companions, drowning out the noise and stress of daily routines, turning morning commutes into immersive journeys through sumptuous soundscapes of storytelling.

For the incurably perverted like myself, they can be a wake up call to the wondrous and under-explored world of audio porn. (Apologies to the hardworking creators who may never see their work the same way, but your content is definitely serving us in more ways than one 😉.)

Everyone trying to pretend like podcasts don't get them hot.

Image: vicky leta / mashable 

The rise of the aural fixation

Those who've felt even the slightest titillation from that "aural fixation" are probably relieved to hear they're not alone. A majority of you, however, most likely feel a bit disgusted to discover that rule #34 even infects the wholesome realm of podcasting.

But inarguably, there is a unique and unmatched intimacy embedded into the medium. For more people than you imagine, that makes podcasts the perfect avenue for a more humanized and personal type of masturbation. Both in terms of everyday podcasts and those purposefully trying to get you off.

"Being able to use your imagination to fill in the blanks can be incredibly sexy when many people are used to seeing porn that looks a certain way," said Girl On The Net, a pseudonym for the sex blogger whose dulcet British tones voice some of the most popular auditory erotica on the web.

@HardcoreHistory so glad to hear your sexy voice after 2 endless months of waiting💀💉

— echo (@Alanood504) January 14, 2013

In the same way that some of us are auditory rather than visual learners, some of us are hornier for aural rather than visual porn. It's a small, but growing niche. For Girl on the Net, that's evident in how traffic to her audio porn page nearly doubled over the last year.

SEE ALSO: Podcasts were my friends when I had none

"I think people are becoming much more aware that tube sites aren’t the only place to go to get your rocks off — and I hope many are realizing tube sites aren’t the most ethical place to get your rocks off either," she said, referring to porn sites that host user generated content.

Phoebe Judge's voice is super hot. Inviting but authoritarian, a little hoarse.

— madeleine (@parietines) December 16, 2017

On subreddits alone, there are roughly 276,000 subscribers to r/gonewildaudio (for naughty recordings of yourself), 20,000 on r/GonewildAudible (for more general erotic audio needs), 25,200 on r/pillowtalkaudio (for erotic amateur recordings with consenting partners), and 68,000 on r/nsfwasmr (for sexualized ASMR, which used to be a popular tumblr, too). Similarly, there's a whole subgenre of erotic podcasts recorded with the intent of getting you off, and literotica has an entire subsection for audio. 

People are even starting to monetize on the phenomenon, including a recent app called Dipsea that hosts erotic audio stories catered to millennial women. "It’s perfect for storytelling, it’s intimate, and it’s incredibly imaginative," said Dipsea cofounder and CEO, Gina Gutierrez. "Listening to Dipsea you can feel like the voyeur, or you can become the character."

Even harder core history

I don't know when I first realized certain podcasts (always a solo host or narrator, so panel podcasters are safe) did it for me. But I remember the exact moment I discovered a voice could bring me to near orgasm, despite not having the words or understanding to know what was actually happening. 

I was watching the first Harry Potter movie in the theater, and Professor Severus Snape (played by the late, great Alan Rickman) was delivering his now iconic first year speech on the, "subtle science and exact art of potion-making." A mounting quiver ran down my spine when his tongue clung to each curve of every "s" sound in the phrase "ensnare the senses."

Snape later became the fictional man who guided me through my early sexual awakening, a fantasy that I could control through my imagination while losing myself to these newfound uncontrollable urges. A reoccurring scenario involved being blind-folded, leaving me in total sensory deprivation but for the sound of his silky voice, low and measured, describing everything he wanted to do to me.

Again, with sincerest apologies to Mr. Carlin, I was instantly brought back to those fantasies when I first started listening to Hardcore History.

The perfect boyfriend is the kind that stops talking when you press a button.

Image: vicky leta / mashable

It's not about what he's saying because, no, I do not get off to visceral descriptions of the greatest human atrocities ever recorded by man. Actually, for the process to work, the volume must be low enough for me to hear his impassioned teacherly intonations, but not so loud that I can't replace whatever he's talking about with what I actually want to hear instead. (In my defense, I do also go back and listen for the purpose of learning, too.)

To my relief, I found that I was't alone in having the hots for pods, but also that others are specifically attracted to the idea of a scholarly, silky voice teaching you things. 

"I have a huge crush on a guy who does a politics podcast I listen to a lot," said Girl on the Net, not wishing to call out a specific name (though notably, Dan Carlin also has a political podcast). "There’s something intensely hot about listening to someone more knowledgeable than me discuss a subject I’m interested in. Why else would so many people crush on teachers? You’re definitely not alone in this!"

NPR's podcasting hosts running away from our thirst.

Image: vicky leta / mashable 

That also tracks with the trend of an increasing amount of people identifying as sapiosexual (someone physically aroused by intelligence). Maybe our hankering for podcasters comes down to the fact that nerds are in. And there's no bigger concentration of nerds than in podcasts.

To be fair, those who know me know that there is little in this world I can't find a way to sexualize. To be fairer to me, though, there does seem to be an underlying sensuality — or at the very least admission to intense emotional relationships — in even the most platonic explanations of podcasting's appeal.

A very unsexy (but fascinating) New Yorker article called it a "peculiarly intimate medium," further noting that, "for a digital medium, podcasts are unusual in their commitment to a slow build, and to a sensual atmosphere." NPR's Pop Culture Happy Hour podcaster Glen Weldon even admitted to his own discomfort and revery for the one-way intimacy in our relationships to podcasters, equating binge-listening to nothing short of falling in love. 

Perhaps nobody embodies the intense emotional connection podcasting can inspire more than the New York Times' Michael Barbaro. In a way, he feels like everybody's dream boyfriend: reliable, smart, useful, engaging, able to fit in your pocket — and you can turn him off whenever you've had enough of him.

The indisputable soft-spoken King of Podcasting, a New Yorker profile positively dripping with erotic subtext wrote that, "It’s hard to resist the empathetic vocables with which Barbaro punctuates his interviewees’ words," later describing this as a, "quasi-therapeutic aural hovering."

[INT. BAR — NIGHT] HER: so do you have a name ME: from The New York Times I'm Michael Barbaro

— Liam Weir (@liamrweir) July 31, 2017

What they're talking about is his tendency to interject emphatic, often prolonged hmms during interviews, to vocalize his engagement with what his guest is saying. It's such an endearing and recognizable quirk that it now have its own Twitter fan page, which Barbaro actually follows. 

Generally, he seems to be a man who accepts that this vocal tick touches on a particular nerve that people either love or hate. As another Twitter user begged, "Please please please do not stop the hmmmm!"

Not only seen, but heard

Despite its seeming perversion, though, the sexual attraction to podcasts and auditory erotica comes from a pretty wholesome place. 

I'm listening to the do not disturb podcast with @itsarifitz and I'm realizing, women with SEXY ASS VOICES ARE MY FUCKING TYPE. Help. Me. -L

— LauRapsody (@LauRapsody) May 8, 2017

In large part, it's about feeling like you know the person whispering into your ear like a lover. If the eyes are a window into the soul, then maybe the voice is like a sonic radar for the soul. There are so many human imperfections in your speech pattern, your personality embedded into every lilt, unspoken emotions communicated through each prolonged pause or sudden exclamation.

The best way to describe the vastly different experience between masturbating to visual rather than auditory porn is the difference between anonymous sex versus sex with a significant other.

Audio porn is also a more non-threatening outlet for masturbation, since the visual porn on tube sites often feels intimidatingly aggressive and catered only to heteronormative male desires. 

The visual medium in itself limits you to a more external masturbatory experience, as you shut off your brain and consume other people as sex objects. But as a medium closer to literary erotica (or often an aural version of it), audio invites you to imagine rather than tell you what to like. 

"Of all the audio I’ve made so far, the stuff that seems to get the strongest reaction is when it's framed as 'you.' Instead of 'I did this, he did that' it’s 'you did this to me,'” said Girl on the Net, pointing to this specific example. "Again, it’s focusing on the intimacy — making people feel like they’re a part of something. As if it’s happening to them in the moment."

SEE ALSO: Why notification sounds send you emotionally reeling into the past

Also, she said, "most of my sex stories are true, which I think gives them an immediacy and intimacy off the bat."

In essence, audio porn relies on a more direct relationship between you and what's bringing you to climax.

"All sorts of complicated questions go through your mind when you’re watching visual porn," said Gutierrez, the Dipsea cofounder. "Is she actually feeling pleasure? Is this ethically created? What creepy Airbnb is this happening in? You’re also removed from the action, and are distracted by the things that you don’t relate to — like other people’s (often unrealistic) bodies."

Press play with me

The aural has an innately human power over us all. Before there was video, before there was picture, before there was written word, we knew each other by sound. As a collective, we told our first stories through the oral tradition. As individuals, we were first introduced to other human beings by hearing our mother's voice from inside her belly.

Whisk us off to sleep, Podcasting Daddies.

Image: bob al greenE / mashable 

The common adage that the brain is the largest sexual organ is unmistakably at play in aural erotica. Yet unlike purely text-based erotica, the humanizing addition of another person's voice is one of the only ways to make masturbation feel less solitary. 

Aural erotica is the best of all worlds when it comes to spank bank material: more personal, inclusive, approachable, ethical, and exploratory than visual porn — yet also more sensorily engaging than just textual porn. 

Maybe you still think we're just a minority of weirdos. But in my humble opinion, I think maybe I'm just one of a few willing to admit in plain speak that we're all a little horny for Michael Barbaro's voice.

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