#this cannot be real pls

[turntechradiohead]

Here’s how jayvik can still win !

[shithowdy]

am i crazy for thinking it should be a legal requirement for people selling arrangements with lilies to have a warning about their lethality to cats? they are one of the most common plants found in bouquets (unlike most other lethal plants like oleander and sago palm, which are usually found potted solo) and so many owners or well-meaning gift-givers are completely unaware of how a single lick of pollen is enough to kill a cat, meaning unlike other potential toxins they just get left as a table centerpiece. like sure, chocolate and grapes can kill your dog, but you are probably not intentionally leaving chocolate and grapes on surfaces your dog can reach (and they also don't shed particles). about 30% of american homes have cats in them, a percentage you can't really gloss over when it comes to precaution. if you work with florals please, please post visible warnings by your lilies, it will save kitty lives. 🙏

[nandermoenthusiast]

not them having a fucking showdown about which one of them was more devoted to the other………… not them making it a fucking competition and a fucking argument which one of them is more down bad horrendous for the other and STILL they havent had their realisation in the dead of night/day while lying in their bed/coffin that the other has feelings for them

[obsessive-evie]

you’re pretty is all

pairing: Kate Martin + fem!oc

word count: 3.2k

warnings: smut, explicit language

“I-, I can’t, please, I can’t, you can’t keep doing this to me,” Kate pants into my mouth, a blushing smile on her face, clearly embarrassed at the needy tone her own voice took on.

You see, we have recently discovered that Kate cannot handle praise. At. All.

It happened one day on accident, I was just going to one of her games like normal, a pretty rough game against South Carolina I must admit, but Iowa pulled through, Kate being the highest scorer instead of Caitlin for once. She had jogged over to where I was leaning against the walls of the stadium bleachers, a wide smile on her face the moment she noticed where I was. She had barely finished talking to the media, still dodging reporters with cameras on her way over to me.

I immediately wrapped my arms around her head of course, standing on my tiptoes to kiss the side of her head. Her head was buried in my neck, her heavy breathing and warm body pressed against my own. “You did so good baby, oh my god,” I said in her ear before pulling away, my hands still on her neck. Her face now held a different kind of look in her eye. What once was pink from the exertion of the game was now speckled darker with with red, her eyes holding a look of almost uncertainty in them. She opens her mouth like she’s going to speak, but nothing comes out.

She looks bashful, almost shocked, as she keeps trying to form words through her smile. A few laughs escape instead, so she breaks eye contact, and pulls me back into her arms, hiding her face in my neck.

I don’t bring it up until later, taking it as she was just overwhelmed in the post-win high.

But the more I thought about it, the more my brain needed to know why she looked so, flustered? Now I had had my theories about her liking praise, the few times I was more in control featuring a heavy adoration note, and less than a possessive or rough route, but I wanted to test my theory.

“I’m serious i’m so proud of you Kate, you played so well,” I say in the passenger seat of her car as she drives us back to her apartment, her hand in mine on the center console. We’re stopped at a long red, the large Iowa intersections taking far too long in any other circumstance, but i’m thankful for it now as I get to watch her head duck down in an attempt at hiding while a large smile plays on her face, one she’s clearly trying to hide. Her face flushes red again, and that’s when I knew I was on the right track.

Throughout the course of the next few days, I continued to shower my girlfriend with excess praise and compliments, relishing in every blush, smile, giggle, and hidden face. Everything from playing with her freshly washed hair while we talked about the game later that night, making her shift herself from laying on my chest to her kissing my neck to hide her red face when I started to delve into her high score. Not just that, but when she aced a math test a few days later, I went above and beyond in telling her how proud I was (she ended up telling me to shut up with a red face and half hidden smile, her large hand coming to cover half of her face).

The first time I called her pretty girl, I knew damn well what I was doing.

I was sitting on the bathroom counter as she curled her hair, just admiring her beauty and features. She was focused on not burning herself, but when she put the iron down and caught my eyes, she smiled, a puzzled look on her face. “What?” she asked while moving closer, her hands coming to my thighs, rubbing up and down my leggings as she laughed slightly. I shook my head, not wanting to admit anything yet, so naturally she moved closer, leaning into my personal space.

I shake my head while laughing, moving myself to kiss her lips with smiles on our faces. I break the gentle kiss to say, “My pretty girl.” Her reaction is immediate, her face flushes pink high on her cheekbones and ears, she tries to hold back an even larger smile which causes her nose to twitch slightly too. My hands cradle her jaw on each side before she plants her forehead on my chest, me sitting on the counter being one of the few positions she can do so.

I can feel her breathing slightly pick up, making me laugh again. She shakes her head in my chest with a small groan before picking it up, and moving back over to where she was standing, holding back a smile and a red face.

So it does work.

My plan was to see how long it would take for her to crack, or melt, either one worked for me. So when the day came where I was fed up with her being so stupidly strong willed, I decided to bombard her all day long.

I kissed every inch of her face when we woke up that morning, telling her how beautiful she is, even throwing in a my beautiful girl before getting out of bed to shower (she asked to join, but I don’t think I could handle seeing her naked and not get on my knees, which would ruin my whole plan).

I even hyped her up a little more the usual when we got ready to go out to dinner. When I would usually just call her my hot girlfriend and poke her biceps or abs, I made show of saying how good she looked, even throwing in a wolf whistle for good measure to get that pretty blush I adored. Now don’t get me wrong, she did look damn good, but it was a little exaggerated when she walked out in a gray tank and jeans, her hair up in a high ponytail with a dusting of makeup on her face highlighting her natural features.

I got the blush that I wanted, as well as an eye roll as she deflected by kissing me on the lips.

It was only after we had a few drinks at a nice italian restaurant that she even acknowledged my praises.

I had called her “so fuckin pretty” after taking some photos of her at our secluded table, to which she responded, “I can’t with you, you know that?” with an eye roll. “I just love my incredibly hot girlfriend, and I wanna tell her, what’s so wrong with that?” I replied. She just shook her head and said, “You’re so down bad for me.” Of course I nodded my head enthusiastically and took more photos.

By the time we were home on the couch, still in our going out clothes and makeup, I was determined to make her crack.

I was seated straddling her lap, her hands unbashfully on my ass and hips (a personal fav of hers as she put it), while mine were moving between her jaw and neck, not deciding which one I liked better. My tongue was in her mouth when my hand just barely squeezed her neck, not choking or anything, but enough for her to moan out in surprise. She pulled away for air, her face flushed and lips bitten a dark shade of pink. God she really was pretty.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” I whispered before going back in for more kisses. Her hands now gripped my hips harder, pulling me down onto her thigh, causing pleasure to shoot up into me. She did it again at the same time she pushed her thigh up, the thought of the strong muscle beneath me only adding to my pleasure. This time i’m the one that pulls away to say, “God you’re so good to me, you’re so fucking pretty baby,” while smiling. Hopefully this is the fatal blow that will make her crack.

I’m right.

“I-, I can’t, please, I can’t, you can’t keep doing this to me,” Kate pants into my mouth, a blushing smile on her face, clearly embarrassed at the needy tone her own voice took on. Her bright blue-green eyes plead up at me, coercing my body and soul into her. I stay quiet, hoping to urge her to fill the silence. “I mean it, you have no idea what that does to me I-,” she pauses, taking a deep breath, breaking our eye contact, “I can’t, just-“ I cut her desperate words off with a kiss, needing to feel those pretty lips on mine again. She kisses me back with fervor, gripping my ass and hip impossibly tighter, her hands almost painfully doing so.

Our lips continue to move with a melting passion, each of us letting out occasional moans as we move closer and closer to the fires burning bright in our cores. I break the kiss and a string of warm spit still keeps us connected. I move to kiss her cheek gently, the restraint and stark contrast from the aggressive kissing almost making me shake. Kissing softly down her jawline, stopping just above her ear to whisper, “My pretty baby,” the hand that was resting on her neck squeezing slightly.

Now being possessive wasn’t particularly new for us, Kate liked to show me off and I the same, but we were never directly possessive. So i I guess it caught her off guard when I accentuated the my part.

“Oh my god,” she half says half whines as I smirk, continuing my pursuit of kisses down her neck and onto her exposed collarbones. I manage to get her tank top off, so of course she had to even the score and get me out of my shirt (it was bunched up around my bra anyways). Kissing down her chest, removing the clasp of her bra one handed, pulling her ripped jeans down, those were all easy. But resisting the urge to abandon my teasing and fuck her senseless once I got her in just her underwear was not easy. At all.

I too was stripped down to my shorts and lacy black bralette, my mouth still slowly trailing down her body, gently kissing and biting. My hands explored her hips and thighs the lower I got, the sucking on her chest and nipples making the strong muscles twitch slightly. Every time I pulled away from her warm body to breathe or look at her, I let out a string of praises or minor possessiveness.

The lower I got, the more she squirmed at my words. What would’ve probably only made her blush before this is now making her pant. For example, “God you’re so good baby,” made her let out a particularly desperate moan, her hand coming to the back of my head as I sucked on her nipple.

Something I did know about Kate however, is that she got particularly embarrassed when I went down on her. She had a habit of covering her face with her hands, a pillow, or biting her lips to hold back the moans that only urged me on. She also had a habit of closing her eyes or looking away, especially the more orgasms I gave her, because she had a tendency to cry.

The first time I made her cry in bed, I panicked, thinking something was wrong. It was after a particularly hard loss, a tiring and brutal game against LSU, and I decided she could use an orgasm or two after that. By the time I was getting her closer and closer to her third, I thought that I was crazy when I caught a glimpse of shiny eyes before she covered them with the crook of her elbow again. Amping her up for her fourth however, was when I was for sure that her moans were turning into almost sobs. My heart dropped, thinking I had taken it too far. Of course I immediately removed my head from her pussy and cradled her face with my hands, trying to remove her own from her face.

All I had received in return was a rushed out explanation, “No, no, please don’t stop I’m fine I swear just-“ she had said before I cut her off. “Baby you’re crying you’re clearly not fine what’s wrong was it too much? I’m sorry love I-“ this time it was my turn to be cut off.

“No, no this just happens ok I’m fine just I swear to god if you don’t make me cum these tears will be for real,” she choked out, the waterworks of frustration starting back up again. I had kissed her salty lips quickly before giving her a fourth orgasm, watching as the tears flowed freely once I had held her hand down on her hip. Back then I had watched in awe as her pretty face was streaked with tear tracks, trying to test my luck with a fifth orgasm right after her fourth. Unfortunately her sobs became mumbled words of, “No I can’t i c-can’t too much I can’t please I can’t,” while pushing my head away from her dripping cunt.

Now I’m determined to see those rare tears again.

Hopefully my teasing combined with her newfound appreciation for praise would be enough.

I stand corrected.

After sucking on her thighs for too long, Kate had relented and quietly asked me to touch her. I had removed her soaked panties slowly, kissing every inch of her legs they went down. This is when she would typically look away or look for a pillow to hide in, but thanks to our position on our barren couch, she had no choice but to look at me as I made contact with her wet pussy.

I started out slow by circling her clit and pushing a single finger into her, crooking it slightly. “Keep your eyes on me pretty girl,” I said, making her move her hand from shaking by her thigh to holding the back of my head, keeping my tongue on her as she whines.

Throwing out other praises and you’re so pretty darling, or, you look so fucking good like this, so wet baby made Kate only moan and whine louder, her hand coming to cover her mouth. I get minutes into pumping two fingers into her before I notice she’s gone muffled, so I take her hand away from her mouth by her wrist, and hold it onto the couch with my thumb on her pulse point gently.

“C’mon baby let me hear you, I know you can do it,” I say, watching as she tries to keep quiet by biting her lip, tears beginning to form in her eyes. I decide to push her further.

At the same time I curl my fingers up into her g spot, I suck on her clit hard, all while simultaneously pushing on her lower stomach. This makes her let out a loud and whiny moan, stirring things inside me when she tightens her hold on my hair. The tears begin to flow now, almost making me let up on my assault. Almost.

I keep alternating between sucking on her clit and pushing on her stomach, my fingers keeping pace inside her. “Oh my god,” she panted out, the telltale signs of my girlfriend’s incoming orgasm starting as her breathing picks up. I keep going, never relenting, even when her strong hips try to lift up off the couch, forcing me to wrap my arms around her hips and thighs, pinning her in place.

I take a small breather to say, “you’re close baby, I know it, why don’t you cum for me yeah? god you’re doing so well love.” She throws her head back and whines, a high and needy thing that makes me speed up my hand, even though my wrist is starting to cramp.

Her breathing deepens, sobs worsen, thick hot tears rolling down her cheeks as her strong thighs clamp around my head. Pushing on her lower stomach always seems to do the trick, something about external g spot stimulation? Either way, she’s coming on my tongue with my name in her mouth, combined with many other things I can’t hear because of her thighs over my ears.

Her whole body shakes and twitches, her hips lifting in an arch, her hand holds my hair almost painfully tight to her cunt, not like I was leaving anyways. Her heavy breathing doesn’t slow as I push through what I think is the longest orgasm I’ve ever given her. And trust me, giving head was considered one of my special skills. Wonder if I could put THAT on a job resume?

I slow my fingers inside of her, as well as the lapping of my tongue when I think i’ve stretched that out as long as I could. Her eyes are closed now, breathing slowing, her thighs loosened around my head, allowing me to pull away for air. I slowly remove my fingers from her cunt, causing her hips to twitch again, making me laugh. I suck her excess slick off my fingers, relishing in the way she tastes. Maybe I’m smug, but the fucked out look on my girlfriend’s face as she opens her eyes is totally deserving of a mini victory lap.

I stand up from my position on the floor, my knees cracking on the way up from the way I was kneeling. I kiss my way up her hips and stomach gently, small pecks up her warm body, making my way to her face. The tear stained face I kiss every inch of, something I had started after the first time she cried, a mix of guilt and tenderness I felt for her compelling me to do so. When I finally reach her lips, I swipe my thumb under her eyes, cleaning off any more salty tears or cum. Unfortunately for Kate, going from eating pussy to kissing cheeks means mixing of bodily fluids.

A self confident smile on my face, I kiss my girl on the lips finally, her once limp mouth curving up into a small smile. I pull away, taking in her disbelieving expression. “Where the hell did that come from?” she asks, shaking her head slightly against my lips. “You’re pretty,” is all I say in response.

[meownotgood]

nobody look at me nobody talk to me im. I'M REALLY NOT OKAY....

[towards-toramunda]

Oh god not the “orym can’t be attracted to Ashton bc Orym is gay and Ashton isn’t a man” bullshit again… I use she/they pronouns but I implore lesbians to be into me! I beg it of them actually!

[satoruxx]

let it be known that even when the world doubted us, called us crazy and delusional, we stood strong and never wavered—and now he has returned to us.

[vaguely-concerned]

ingellvar must have so many strange off-putting little personal habits in their day to day life that they don't even realize come across as weird, especially if they haven't ever dated outside of the watchers much. in rye's specific case I think lucanis has a capacity for such immaculate 'sure my life is already so fucking weird this might as well happen' energy that I believe he'd be able to roll with the punches admirably given the time, but it really would be a situation like

(what was going on there was that rook was placing down some experimental wards, by the way, it's what he does to calm down before bed and if he wakes during the night. what with the necropolis itself being a liminal space of lf sorts on a cosmic scale, watchers take the additional liminal space between wakefulness and dreaming extremely seriously b/c they know there are things drifting through that would just love to get their foot/tentacle/conceptual spores in that particular half-ajar door that should not be allowed inside. or outside, I suppose, depending on your point of view. rook and lucanis are also experimenting with whether solid wards can help any with lucanis' weird post-spite dreams even if they can't do anything for the more mundane ptsd ones. third reason because in my worldstate they still live in the lighthouse after the game: unless gently dissuaded wisps will sometimes drift by while you're asleep and hover over your face curiously as they sense your mind doing stuff in the fade, and no one likes waking up on an eldritch sneeze with a well-meaning yet terrified wisp zooming about the room. important watcher novice 101 lessons.

blessed mental image of rye cross-legged on the floor, barefoot in his PJs with his hair down and no makeup, peaceably tracing out elaborate geometric shapes that somehow make your eyes scared when you look at them* while lucanis sits on the bed and reads out loud to both him and spite and occasionally sneaks some carnal looks at rook's fully unleashed curly hair and bare wrists & throat...... okay I think I've found the thing that will help me through the day thank you for coming on this journey with me)

*what is the paint he's using made out of and why is it such a deeply unsettling colour? don't worry about it! :) patented mostly well-meaning yet also borderline condescending mortalitasi hand wave of 'don't worry your sweet little non-nevarran head about it we both know you don't actually want to know. do not ask questions lest you learn the answers, especially if you're going to be annoying at me and freak out about it. let the things man was not meant to know stay unknown. unknown by you I mean I'm built different'

[velvetwyrme]

Ohhh no, I forgot about combining

How big would the gestalt be if they Did combine though. Fuck a dragonfly (vortex) and a moth (swindle) don’t seem like a bad combo but what are the other 3 (onslaught/blastoff/brawl).

I thought I just had to deal with swindle stealing my valuables and maybe eating my more expensive fabrics and maybe walking in on vortex doing degenerate bug stuff on his own or with the little red and white bug he brings.

If I see some shin to knee high bug in my house I’d have punt that thing so hard metal be damned. The broken/sprained foot would be justified to me.

PL anon

it's bruticus' house now!!!!!

uhhh quickfire round of bugs because its 2am. blastoff. also moth but much bigger. onslaught like many other bugs that exist in our world and also the world of cybugs is likely to be some sort of beetle.

brawl... wait what does he look like again

thanks google for this snippet from tfwiki, that helps a lot. he'd be an amazingly cute bug of mass destruction.

[conspiracy-frog]

I have taken it upon myself to judge all the ace attorneys and legal professionals ( and then some !) in terms of how they would be as a partner . 1 sentence explanations only

(Warning this is stupid and long also play ghost trick )

legal disclaimer this is a joke

Blaze Debeste - The fact that the prevailing fan theory is that he murdered his wife is probably not a good sign

Kristoph Gavin- He WOULD gaslight you people stop simping , that man is a MENACE

Sebastian Debeste- That is a teenage boy

Godot- He would make you do all the fucking work and then be so condecending too don't even lie

Simon Blackquill- Simon would not want to be in a relationship with you tbh and who are you to force him

Miles Edgeworth - He is already a taken man

The Judge - That man is too senile but he seems like a loving grandpa :(

Fransiska Von Karma- unreasolved anger issues do not bode well but if nothing else she is devoted , cute lesbians may have a chance

Nayuta Sahdmandhi- Not a single day of peace without him arguing with you in circles I fear

Phoenix Wright -Phoenix has two hands and they were already taken years ago

Apollo Justice - If I had a lame ass boyfriend-

Klavier Gavin - Probably a good boyfriend but his fanbase gives me possessive kpop fandom vibes

Athena Cykes - Asks hella intrusive questions but generally supportive??

Mia Fey - Woman sexy AND nice ?

Callisto Yue - If you are into bullying and humiliation she would provide plenty

Robin Newman - Probably needs to figure out the disphoria situation first but if loudness doesn't bother you the deal doesn't seem bad

Aristotle Means - Take it from me you don't want to date a Greek statue much less if his slogan tries to justify murder

Manfred Von Karma - Canonically a wife guy???

Raymond Shields - He is giving cringy dad energy but I just KNOW he gets petty as hell during fights

Phoenix Wrong (Furio Tigre) - He does not love you don't fall for it he just wants the insurance

Judge Courtney - She is OUT of your league

Robert Hammond - There is no way you would find him alive to romance , there is LITERAL cosmic intervention

Professor Courte- Apparently the only sane person in that entire academy so points to her I guess

Dhurke Sahdmandhi - Also canonically a wife guy but becoming his automatically makes you an enemy of the state AND a tragic widow

Hugh O'Connor - Do you count his lying about his age as catfishing ?

The Kurain Judge - ??? I don't think a single person thought of him when the prompt was datable ace attorney characters and I'm already reaching with half of these people

Lana Skye - She loves you but goddamn is she good at making you think otherwise

Juniper Woods - Sweet girl , precious girl would make a great girlfriend if you can handle eating only organic foods

Gregory Edgeworth - Husband and father shaped

Queen Ga'ran - Not only is she a dictator but also a spouse killer

Byrne Faraday- He is not cheating on you he is just out doing his vigilante shit

Winston Payne - He says he is a wife guy , we don't know if she has settled

Gaspen Payne - Professional hater

Ryunosuke Naruhodou - If I had a lame ass boyfriend- pt2

Kazuma Asogi - He would love you but the ghosts of his past cling to him still can you handle that?

Barok Van Zieks - Polite and protective but your political views cannot be progressive

Mael Strongheart - He would feed you to a dog if it came down to it

Auchi Taketsuchi - Probably not the worst husband but he is a conservative in a conservative country in the 1800s so…

Ryutaru Naruhodou - That is a teenager pt2 No relations to Susato Mikotoba

Klint Van Zieks - Husband and father material but his dog is dripping human blood

Judge Jigoku - Yes he is a silver fox but he is also mafia coded

Judge Santa Claus - Is probably already in a committed relationship at the North Pole

Bonus :

Dick Gumshoe : Already taken but either way it's already been established that Gumshoe is peak male performance I'm sorry

Ema Skye - food and forensic prints sharing as a love language <3

Shi Long Lang - look you HAVE to accept that you are getting initiated in a wolf pack of 100 men , yes they are all commited to the bit , no it's non negotiable so if that's not a deal breaker then …. by all means live your omegaverse fantasy

Tyrell Badd - if manpain needed a textbook definition

Bobby Fulbright ( prime ) - I'd describe him as if a golden retriever was prone to moral panic and constant lectures on exaggerated moral superiority and justice

Bobby Fulbright ( lite) - He WILL kill you and steal your identity maybe you don't believe me but it's not my problem if you get replaced

Tobias Gregson - If you are fine losing a husband to heart disease in his early 50s then maybe

Herlock Sholmes - Unless you have nerves and patience of steel it's recommended that you stay as far away from that man as possible for your own sanity and safety, he is hazardous and yes it is contageous

Genshin Asogi - Honestly if I were Mrs Asogi I too would fall gravely ill if I lost such a chad, and she had him in the bag too fully devoted

Lynne Ghost Trick - Needs a partner as well as a babysitter as she does appear prone to stumbling onto life threatening situations

Jowd Ghost Trick - if manpain was a word pt2 but he is actually worst

Cabanella Ghost Trick - Tee hees too close to the sun and is kind of a bitch sometimes but at least you can leave him alone without him having either died or sacrificed himself within the span of 2 minutes

[twiggyrogue]

If it wasn't for the TMAGP ARG snippets I probably wouldn't be as obsessed about Sam but oh my goddd with what tiny we know about him I'm not over it. He's got a canon birthday (!!! He's 33 at the start of the show! It's p cool to know that tbh!) so we know when the Institute burned down, he was 9 year old. So at nine, maximum, he went through the Institute's child experiment. That's age he went through potentially a version of the Milgrim experiment! Mr. Spider whom, this child might have actively tortured someone because he was told to?? And that's probably the terrible event that was brought up in the interview but maybe it wasn't! Maybe it's something worse!! Oh no!!!

The guy scored the highest in empathy in the entire test group at 98% and now his job is experiencing other people's horrors like of course he can't help but look into them, of course he can't help but internalize them when Alice has warned him of what can happen, I'm so worried about this man!!!

[allpromarlo]

every day i wake up and megumi isn’t back yet and i cry

[sincerely-sofie]

Can you make a Christmas comic? It can be about anything you can imagine

I went with the gang from The Present is a Gift for this, and Twig hijacked the intended theme of warm-and-fuzzy holiday feelings and turned it into having hope for the future, even if you miss the past, because you have your loved ones to support you. Hope that's alright; she really wouldn't cooperate during the scripting process until I went with it.

To keep this comic easy to scroll past for the uninterested, I've put the last 9 pages under the cut! I'm trying to be more considerate of those who are going through my blog, haha.

This takes place after the events of The Present is a Gift, where everyone has mostly settled into having Ark in their group.

[shsy7573]

I physically cannot with this man. Every time I think I have returned to a semi-regular mental state he comes slithering back in and all of a sudden I’m crying again because he’s so cute.

Being so fucking for real though, I genuinely do not think I have EVER been down bad for a character as much as I have been for him.

To put it simply: I have never been the “you can stomp of me, choke me out, stab me” type of fangirl until him. Never have I ever wanted something so badly in my life than how I want him.

I physically do not understand how he has done this to me, but I’m not complaining.

[plangentia]

number of tumblr mutuals met deliberately is now equal to the number met accidentally 🤩🤩🤩

[animentality]

"Kaiser is the final boss-" "No, Rin is-" "No, it's Noa-"

Fucking wrong. It's Ego.

If Isagi kills Ego, Blue Lock is complete.