#this comes (timeline wise) like… thursday.

[freeuselandonorris]

https://www.tumblr.com/freeuselandonorris/753924663946674176/come-speculate-on-landos-neck-scratch-with-me-bc

not to sound crazy or anything but i have 3 scratches across my thigh rn from my cat and they look nothing like his, i’ve never had a cat scratch look like that and i’ve had cats my entire life. they always break the skin because of how thin and sharp kitty claws are, so the cuts are long and thin like you mentioned! lando’s scratches look like they popped blood vessels under the skin, but didn’t break the skin fully, which i’ve done to myself accidentally when scratching an itch and during sex to myself and others. also, my dog has much bigger duller claws and when she gets excited and jumps on me i get scratches like this. if it was a cat, i think they’d be thinner and actually broken the skin rather than being a bit thicker and bumpier like this look. so whateverrr that means!

yupppp you can see the petechiae-style marks in lando’s scratches (the little tiny ‘pinpricks’) which tend to come from blunt friction. also the fact that they’re running straight down his neck makes me think it probably wasn’t a flailing cat bc they’d be less…neat?? lmao

timeline-wise, he didn’t have them on wednesday when he spoke at cannes lions, so it must have happened on wednesday night or... thursday morning. when he was on the PJ to spain. with oscar. just sayin!

[writingmochi]

an honest review of the name chapter: freefall purely from musical observation (not proofread)

opening remarks: okay, so, i decided to make this into a series for all ateez, txt, and enhypen albums cause (1) they're the only groups i really follow and (2) this is a multifan-account for all three groups so why not *eyes* *thumbs up* sorry for the delay (but not though cause i got time to absorb the album.) i did write updates on 4 of the songs and it's decent all that time and now... well i don't wanna spoiler it...

BUT i did write about track sequencing in kpop in relation to this album so i'll actually be doing ALTERNATE TRACKLIST SEQUENCE OF THE ALBUM AT THE END. so stay tuned for that!

concept-wise, i've been hearing chasing that feeling and reading the lyrics to see it be the exact aftermath after they left neverland, of course with the album name freefall being in reference to the song farewell, neverland, so it definitely shown in the concept. i mentioned how grungy it is even referencing the soobin fic as soobin's an alt kid and it definitely makes sense with the whole "fallen from heaven and trying to survive"

let's start!

1.growing pain: growing pains and angsty sound, growing pain is the quintessential rebel angst song. as i mentioned before in my timeline, this is the angrier version of the sound that the chaos chapter cultivates. it's more grungy than pop-punk, even punkier than pop-punk, and might even go into the heavy metal range. and tbh, this IS txt song. no other kpop group can make pop punk/rock THEIR genre (which is followed by woodz's pop-punk album). i can definitely see this being performed in a festival circuit, like lollapalooza (its origin is a rock festival tho). N WHO IS DOING VOCAL FRY? VOCAL FRY PEOPLE REPRESENT. this is kai's song for real. i love a more interpretation of the harder, grittier side of pop-punk than what is usually depicted here in kpop. the guitar power chords make it very tense and the interlude part in the middle is good with a more guitar solo part.

but, in my opinion, the mixing layering sounds so stacked that you can definitely hear which one is midi. not saying that midi doesn't produce a good song, but it definitely will sound grittier if it's played live with live instruments. they play around with some voice inflexions, trying to make it sound "imperfect" but then it doesn't make those inflexions authentic in the long haul. yet, this song definitely makes the mold and *might* be added to my driving playlist (idk which one cause i have to assess it more)

2.chasing the feeling: okay! is this the first time a kpop song doesn't have a pre-chorus? i opened genius to see it being depicted that way. i actually theorize that the start of the "chorus" is the pre-chorus part and when it comes to the chasing the feeling part where the chord change happened, that's the chorus for me. you can definitely interpret it with whatever you like. also, WE GOT A BRIDGE! but at what cost when it's the same as the other verses...

txt, once again, returns to the retro sound. but when blue hour has more influence from funk, chasing the feeling is definitely more early 80s new wave (definitely different than thursday's child when it exudes more mid to late 80s synthpop, which is the pop version of new wave, and a hint of early 90s acoustic there with the guitar strums). i appreciate that they're trying to explore genres in the retro spectrum cause it doesn't always have to be disco or funk, you can get new jack swing like what exid did or big band like what seventeen did.

i like how push and pull this song is. just like what the concept is with them having to chase the feeling to get the satisfaction after turning back from heaven or neverland. but, the push and pull definitely creates a stagnant rhythm and melody that, in bad way can make it boring, but in good way can make you be in a trance. i definitely think that they're playing safe with this track as when the word "chasing the feeling" is utter, that feeling can be viewed in different ways that the music can sonically create. as you know from my affinity to farewell, neverland, i love a hero's journey type of song. this one, for me, definitely is the inciting incident of our heroes as they venture into this new world. that's why, i agree with yerin @/itz-yerin, that this song is a great track to be put on after growing pain. also, i know that they're trying to push this song to be marketed in tiktok as a dance challenge but i think this will succeed more as an edit type of song (like get up by newjeans) cause even i can't imagine how they're doing the choreo to this as i haven't watch the stage (i watched the dance practice vid n the choreo has a bit vogue-ish character to it... interesting...)

also, yall definitely have to watch this song's version with soob, gyu, and hyuka only. like both gyu and soob can definitely get the parts they're singing cause they sound so good + a 3 minute song but at what cost :"")

3.back for more: as i haven't listened to the anitta ver and haven't watched the vma stage before this, this is my introduction to this song. what's with the eq fade-in for the vocal at the intro with soobin ? i think it will be bolder when the voice starts already round rather than a fade-in (like tgif by xg). this is definitely more funk/disco but also has some latin influence (which definitely shows that it is catering towards the usamerican market). lyric-wised, this is not as cringy as other english songs by kpop idols which definitely shows hybe's aspiration to push txt into the western market. i also recognize ryan tedder's voice in there (the composer of the song and vocalist for onerepublic) especially the vocal inflexions at the end of the chorus.

then, i heard the anitta versions of it and i actually liked it better. especially with the performance ver cause it feels more complete like i know it sounds more with the post-choruses and stuff, but it feels like that version was the one intended before it cut a whole 40 seconds of it. wtf why??? idk how it's been going with the general public but i like it

4.dreamer: okay muted guitar and rnb!! that wall of bass that rings in the verse combined with the piano chords gives this song a more intimate feeling. i mentioned in my previous post that this song is kinda like the ballads that bts releases and i will double down on that. i can definitely hear jimin in tyun's voice, taehyung in gyu's voice, and jungkook in yeonjun's voice. idk if this is because of the voice mixing or what but it definitely is more similar to what the mixing in bts' ballad songs is like (it reminds me of rain so much). the singing range here is also crazy from notes in their lower register until it reaches falsetto. tbh, i'm concerned at how high those falsetto are and how much it is used in the song. if they're not in good condition, the falsetto melody can make or break the performance. the studio version helps with the autotune etc but when performing live (unless there are autotune applied to the melody layer along with the vocal), i pray for their throats :")

other than that, it's a slow rnb song that joins txt's rnb roster with 20 cm!

5.deep down: i swear the more i listen to this song, the more neo-like it sound. it definitely sounds atmospherically similar to an nct 127 song, replay (pm 1:27). the sound mixing here is clear enough i can differentiate the voices (i can't find gyu and soob's voices in dreamer). other than it, the ostinato in the chorus in the percussion layers helps drive the song forward. i also hear a lot of beomgyu here which i'm happy with. also, the producer who gives the pre-chorus to soobin, let me hug you cause this song fits his timbre so much. also because this song is under 3 minutes with the 2 verse-chorus format, i think it will sound a bit better with a bridge like i can hear either tyun or kai just lets out a high note in the last chorus.

i just read that the song has some influence from the jersey club genre (known in kpop as the "newjeans" genre especially in their get up ep) and i can definitely hear the influence in the percussion. but idk man, i think kpop is making jersey club too oversaturated for my ear that it's hard for me to enjoy it. but i'm glad that txt is taking their own spin in it!

6.happily ever after: YAY WE GOT HAPPY TXT SONGS!! ever since i see the short with soob with the song, this song definitely caught my attention the most. but even if it is a happy txt song, it's more mellow than what ice cream or roller coaster sounds like. this song is yeonjun's song in the album like, "yes, boy, sing"! gosh i got such a booster with this song (and i swear you're gonna see in my alt tracklist how this song will be). this is also a jersey club song just by hearing the bass drum running in the track so i think that txt is really taking a bite out of newjeans and boynextdoor books in order to adapt their discographies to be more like the current trend. but what i like about this, this song is more of what a jersey club txt song that i was thinking. deep down, for me, is too neo-core for me to consider it a txt song

7.skipping stones: GOD I LOVE THE DISSONANCE!!! i think someone in my timeline mentioned how day6 like this song is and i agree!! i can pinpoint which era of day6 it is lol :D it's the every day6 sound around august-september releases and the dissonance reminds me of you were beautiful in the same series. i can definitely see a video on the it's live channel where they play this song (manifesting cause i wanna hear the authentic dirty guitar filter). also A WHOLE SONG WITH PRE CHORUSES AND BRIDGE AKJFBAKEF I MISS YOU SO MUCH. soobin sounds so nice here and that last chorus transition yes! i will bop my head to this song. also i think all of the txt members are trying emanate lovesong tyun so much (if not everyone, then it's jun) but i can hear how hard yeonjun is trying to hold back and blend in with the song's rock feel.

8.blue spring: oh god kai don't sing like that, you're gonna make me cry! since i've seen this performance live back in august, i could hear the intention of this being played as an encore song. it definitely comes in the same root as our summer with it being nostalgic and melancholic. i wanna say that i'm proud of what beom created cause like, tbh, this song is definitely a beomgyu sound. the mellow band sound.

i also think that because i've seen them perform this live, i like the live version better. the vocal line/layer was too clean for my liking that i can hear which parts were autotuned. i think imperfection was the right factor for me to like it and why the live ver is better than the studio ver.

9.do it like that: i think we know just how catchy this song is. i also seen this live in the concert and it's such a good time. i realized just how clear ryan tedder's voice is here too (but not as clear as back for more). what i wanna complain about is why this can be allowed in the album but not back for more with anitta?? like that is just so consistent unless it's because of business purposes. but back for more was literally one of the singles for this album release so that just rubs me the wrong way. other than that, catchy-ass song and get joe jonas out of my way cause his divorce drama is really tainting him

here it comes!

ALTERNATE TRACKLIST SEQUENCE (based on moods and what makes sense to me)

growing pain

chasing the feeling

skipping stones

dreamer

blue spring

deep down

back for more

do it like that

happily ever after

closing remarks: one word that i'm using to describe this album: safe.

this album feels so safe for me like they are just dipping into new genres but still retracts back in uncertainty with how it will sound. even growing pain, the experimental song of the album with its grittier punk sound of pop-punk, still seems to be safe for my taste. chasing the feeling also feels safe for me like it's like they embrace the retro feel like a pic with filters instead of them wearing a costume (it relates to how alt street fashion relates to new wave song. it's a dissonance for me in that aspect). i think that feeling safe vibe definitely comes because they make a pop song, not a punk song, rnb, new wave, etc. they make pop songs influenced by the other genres and it definitely hinders me from truly being consumed by the album sonically...

i definitely agree with the people that said that this is kai's era, but i wanna argue that this is both kai and beomgyu's era. why? like have you seen the concept photos? that's just beomgyu's style. i know people aren't happy with the amount of distribution for him and soon, but i know that they're still working hard under those circumstances. anf the fact that gyu's song got green-lit to be in an album is definitely a step forward for him. beomgyu also kills it for opening chasing the feeling, like i cannot see any other member that can open the song like him. as i mentioned in with soob, gyu, and kai ver of the title track, they sound good. but, for that, i think it definitely relates more towards the politics in a business and the hierarchy of influence in big hit...

this album is middle in my tierlist cause it just can't break my top 5 man (tdc: eternity, tdc: magic, tcc: fight or escape, tdc: star, and minsode 2) and ALSO, SUCH A MISSED OPPORTUNITY TO NOT MAKE A TDC: ETERNITY LIKE COMEBACK FOR A FRIDAY THE 13TH... IN OCTOBER

final ranking:

9.deep down

8.dreamer

7.do it like that (it got overplayed so i'm tired listening to it)

6.skipping stones

5.back for more

4.happily ever after

3.chasing that feeling

2.growing pain

1.blue spring

gosh, i'm such a debby-downer let's go to the rankings

small conclusion: a 29-minute album with 10 tracks?? is the industry is healing? because we get 6 songs over 3 minutes (one of them is an eng ver, the longest ones are rock-adjacent). but then i got reminded that in rainbows by radiohead is a 10-track album with a length of over than 45 minutes, but it definitely is better than what hybe gave to the others this year (like newjeans ep under 15 minutes, boynextdoor ep with only 3 new tracks, enhypen again with the song without the bridge, fwak me)

also, i now consider my alternate tracklist the canon one!

[saevus-brutalis]

— WIP Wednesday Thursday

tagged by; @katsigian thank you sm 😌 i've got qute a few WIPs, not necessarily art related but-

1. but i have this pic of Ragan that has been a WIP for idk how long but i started it in June 2022 and at this point i'm thinking of just redrawing the whole thing

2. attempting to slowly gather mods and resources to mod Vince in-game one day 🤡 so far im only gathering clothes, but i'm thinking of working on a custom complexion and tattoos for him sometime in the future 3. HUGE WIP project - making a comprehensive, full biography, timeline of events for Vincent (that noone but me will probably read fully). it's been stagnate for a while but yeah, need to get back to it. also thinking of making a character/muse profile/sheet kinda thing, so it's easy to navigate and not just a long ass word document

so far im only halfway through his whole life and some of these aren't fully filled, nicely written. i'm quite proud of his early life tho.

4. been working on 2984723198 kerry x vince fics since late 2020, half of them abandoned, half written or not up to date lore-wise; but i have a few that i'm currently working on the most: — ❝shoulder to cry on❞ — ❝kerry's collection of threnodes❞ or ❝you don't get to pick and choose❞ — ❝love on auction❞— ❝trouble at the marina❞ — ❝for old time's sake❞

— [description] — Having lived in Night City for over half the century V expected pretty much everything. His preem ride getting stolen despite best ani-theft tech installed into it, getting ripped off by a goddamn ripper or being poisoned by the only bartender he trusted in town, because someone bribed them to do it. Every possible scenario he had covered; every possible good or bad outcome. Nothing could've taken V by surprise at this point.

What he didn't expect though, not in a billion years, was to get a call from a number that has been silent for the past eight years.

"Hey V. Got one last jobs for ya."

Or in other words - Kerry asks V after 8 years apart to be his bodyguard again. Just like the good ol' days.

will they ever come one? maybe? hopefully?

[ness-plays-wizards]

Caesar Route Chapter 1 (1-6)

Last year (lol) we finished up the Alfonse Route, so this year we’re starting the Caesar Route! Also, I’m gonna change up the posting schedule a little bit. I am extremely ahead of my queue (it is currently August 2022 when I’m writing this and this post will be aired in January), so I’m going to switch to a two post a week schedule. Posts will drop Tuesdays and Thursdays at 6 PM EST.

Now a quick recap on who Caesar is, he’s this pink haired dude from the House of Baroque and is cursed to turn into a pig whenever he makes out with someone. His introduction said it was “only when he kissed a girl” but multiple spinoffs and I think the main routes show that it happens even when he makes out with men so.. yeah. Also this is just.. a very otome-esque conflict to have.

Also Caesar Raphael shares his name with Caesar Zeppeli so... strap in for a potential shit ton of bad JoJo’s references.

Without further ado, let’s begin.

This better not be a sudden love confession. That’s too soon, even for Otome Land.

The chapter opens with a recap of Lucious’s backstory, how the Day King imprisoned him in a labyrinth cursed using Baroque magic. The Day King is super pumped because all of his problems go away and House Baroque gets stuck with the magical consequences, and they all spontaneously turn into pigs.

Liz launches into a Kissing Booth style explanation/montage of her backstory and the context of the last 4 routes, and we get confirmation that zombie disease happened in the same timeline as the Big Booty Wizard attack, so I’m surprised students still go to the Academy at all. There’s some ominous wording about the next problem, then we skip to Liz at the sport fields and sighing at Caesar.

Luca comes, and this isn’t helping my deep-fried-in-JJBA brain because dammit there was a jojo’s character named Luca too. Anyway WH Luca is not interested in playing the made-up wizard sport and instead seems more interested in who Liz was scoping out and somehow immediately pinpoints it to be Caesar.

Wasn’t it literally confirmed he was though? Like, why does it have to be a rumor?

Liz wisely declines giving Luca any information. Luca leaves, then Liz flashes back to an hour ago when Caesar asked to see her after what I assume was a class.

Boy I said NO love confessions in chapter 1.

“Sully”? That’s not helping your chances bud.

Luckily, this only ends with an “I like you” confession, which is more believable. Unfortunately, Liz doesn’t feel the same way. And unfortunately, I know that that’s going to change. So she lets Caesar down gently and he takes it well, and tells her he’ll try to do stuff to make her see him in a romantic light.

At least he’s making his intentions clear?

Then Alfonse walks in and asks him to join their Ladilz team, and Caesar enthusiastically joins, and Liz goes to watch the game. We flash back to an hour later, and Liz thinks about how much of a catch Caesar is.

No, really.

Gotta say, this route has quite a strong start. /gen

(Queued for: January 3)

[harrybushelldesignblog]

Week 11 DES302 Capstone Blog

T-minus 15 days until the majority of my capstone work is due. While this is a horrifically frightening prospect, it will also be a monumental weight off of my shoulders. This assignment's requirement for personal self-motivation and work effort has been very close to the definition of stress (“a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances.”). With this, I’m both excited and frightened for the next 2 and a bit weeks to pass. Week 11 involved many hours being put into work that has not always produced the best results. I’ll get into this more in the action section of this reflection. Outside of university, week 11 has been pretty action-packed! World Cup preparation is well and truly in full swing, as we trained twice this week and played a fairly frustrating game on Thursday night in horrific wind and rain. Along with this, I took part in interfaculty hockey on Saturday, which was extremely good fun, I haven’t played hockey for over 5 months now, and I’ve missed the sport a lot, so getting back on the turf for a fun and sociable event was like free therapy. However, my glutes and back are paying the price for not playing for so long! This, however, did mean that Saturday was a write-off, and no work was achieved on a day I originally planned to spend working through my casebook. In all honesty, I’m completely fine with catching up on the hours missed because that hockey tournament was so needed - a mental break swapped with physical work.

Week 11 focused mostly on the Plan for Impact phase of the Design for Conservation (D4C) methodology. This means that my project has majoritively shifted out of the prototyping work from the Propose and Validate phase and moved into the phase more focused on polishing and promoting my work. With this, a lot of what I planned for week 11 focused on making things look nice, completing planning templates, and working on my other deliverables - the visual summary, my casebook, and my video. 

In terms of how I achieved these goals, I printed and tested my final 3D model, began to build my video off of the structure created in week 10, completed all of the remaining Plan for Impact D4C templates, created mapped mock-up map images highlighting available areas for impact, researched into two local pitches and documented how they could be improved both performance wise and sustainability wise, and finalised my organic prototype by packaging and photographing the finished prototypes. After printing and testing 3D model 6, the slightly deeper shelf in the shell allows the spiral piece to fit flush and spin with less resistance. Along with this, the resized thread on top of the stud fits perfectly with a pair of football boots and holds enough tension to be screwed in and out of the boot. Unfortunately, the spiral piece for Model 6 broke due to a printing error, so the spiral from Model 5 was used for testing. A new spiral piece will be printed soon to complete model 6. Luckily, the spiral piece is relatively unchanged for model 6, and the main innovation for this model was the thread, which worked as intended. Constructing the video mostly focused on collecting, cutting, and organizing footage shot by myself and from stock footage. For this, I’m using DaVinci Resolve, as I feel comfortable and confident using it, and have DaVinci experience through the workforce as well as previous classes. The only issues I have with DaVinci come from its struggle with multiple media pieces on one timeline, as it often lags when displaying the video, leading to uncertainty with some cuts and edits. The map mock-up images were created to display the statistic “Auckland Council indicates that in 2016/17, green space accounted for 47% of the urban area”. This was the most recent statistic I could find for Auckland's urban green space percentage and also provided a great sample size for areas of impact for my project. The local pitches I looked into were Madills Farm and Taharoto Park, as they are the two pitches I’ve spent the most time at in Auckland and the two I have the best understanding of in terms of how they are run, etc. Finalising my organic models was extremely rewarding personally, as I was able to see my prototype in a finished and polished form, creating something that I wanted to share and am very proud of.

The learnings from Week 11 are predominantly around the importance of taking a break. This was the first weekend I’ve not had football all day Saturday since February. With this, I planned to work on my project all of Saturday, but luckily, hockey came along and filled the day. Although it meant another Saturday not spent on my capstone, I realised that I really need sport on Saturdays. Although they don’t offer a stereotypical break, they do offer time away from this project and a very welcomed mental distraction. Plus, the benefits of physical activity. I’ve learnt that these distractions are so important for my own wellbeing, and while my legs are absolutely knackered today, my cup is full, and I’ve got the mental energy to keep going for a few more weeks.

Here are some of the hero shots I took this week, as well as the map graphic!!

  

[healersadjust]

“Leonidas, may I speak with you?”

Oh, no. Aki using her manners? This couldn’t be good.

Nevertheless, Leo was in a bit of a fun mood. He shook his head and signed <no. I can’t speak, silly.>

Aki’s eyes narrowed. “Then you can use your big ears, hm?”

She grabbed Leo’s hand, pulling him up from the couch he and Urianger had been sharing. Leonidas mourned the loss of his personal heater. He turned to shrug at Urianger as he was pulled away, but he knew good and well why he was being stolen.

Aki dragged him to her and G’raha’s shared inn room and pointed at the glitter all over the floor. “Care to explain yourself before I take your head off?”

Leonidas suppressed a grin, tilting his head to the side instead. <Who ever could have done this?>

Aki wagged a finger at him, but realized once again how inefficient that was when she was so tiny. “Ugh! Come here-“ She dragged him beside the dresser. She climbed on top of the furniture, and barely made it to his chin even with the added height.

She pulled a toy dagger from her coat, pointing it at his chin. An empty threat, they both knew, especially with it being so dull. Aki couldn’t hurt her friends if she tried. No, only unintentionally. “Spill!”

Leonidas simply smirked. <Shouldn’t be so clumsy with your glitter, Aki.>

[ms-m-astrologer]

Transiting Mars enters Retrograde Zone

Timeline (current events in bold)

Saturday, September 3, 2022, 22:04 UT - transiting Mars enters pre-retrograde shadow, 8°08’ Gemini

Sunday, October 30, 2022, 14:26 UT - transiting Mars stations retrograde, 25°37’ Gemini

Thursday, January 12, 2023, 13:57 UT - transiting Mars stations direct, 8°08’ Gemini

Thursday, March 16, 2023, 03:58 UT - transiting Mars exits post-retrograde shadow, 25°37’ Gemini

The main intention of any Gemini placement (and remember, I am a Gemini!) is relating and connecting. To illustrate: almost 40 years ago I was asked (as a trivia question) where US Route 66 goes. “Chicago to LA,” I answered promptly. The man who asked was flabbergasted. “You’re too young to have watched the TV show!” Well, yes - but the Rolling Stones covered the show’s theme song on their first album, and that’s how I knew.

So there’s a definite intent behind Gemini’s unending quest for breadth of knowledge. How it’s going to play out in this Mars retrograde situation, I’m not sure! I have this vision of Mars being weighted down by carrying every possible known weapon as it prepares for battle. Which I guess is one way to end up avoiding a fight? Let’s look at Mars’ areas and figure it out:

Energy levels, physical strength - “cross-training” literally just now popped into mind: we may have been focused (say) on strength training, only to find that we neglected flexibility training. Another scenario is making the assumption that just because we’re skilled at one sport, we can do all the others equally well. Nope. Gemini tends to run on nervous energy and can ignore its bodily needs if it’s hot on the trail of some information; too much of this, over the next six months, and we could be looking at serious illness.

Sexuality - talk dirty! Unfortunately, when the time comes to act dirty, Mars will probably have found many other interesting rabbit holes to investigate, and may or may not even remember what he said. I also think this potentially could be a difficult time for - um - the more insistently cishet among us. Gemini refuses to see life in black/white terms, but rather insisting that everyone (to paraphrase Gemini poet Walt Whitman) is “large and contains multitudes.”

How we go after what we want - the problem with Gemini is that there are so many possibilities of manifestation. Gemini is clever, versatile, flexible, quick, and light-hearted. Which attribute will Mars need to learn?

During this the first pass of Mars through 8°-25° Gemini, we are going to become aware that Mars has some problems. We don’t know the right information, we’re too inflexible, we’re too sloppy, and/or we don’t take things seriously enough. After Mars is actually retrograde, then we can tackle the problems.

Here are some especially critical dates, when Mars mixes it up with the other planets:

Sept. 11-18: Mars/Gemini square Venus/Virgo and Juno Rx/Pisces. Some new relationship problem - mutable sign afflictions indicate a new problem. Our partners seem very critical, and they think we’re being critical of them. Or, good old commitment phobia strikes.

Sept. 25 - Oct. 3: Mars/Gemini trine Saturn Rx/Aquarius. This is a wonderful aspect; it’s like gratefully listening to the advice of a wise old elder. We have ideas that are definitely practicable. Hold that thought, though, until after Mars stations direct! There will be two more Mars-Saturn trines during which we can refine our ideas.

Oct. 1 - Nov. 11: Mars/Gemini trine Vesta/Aquarius. Another good one, giving us a lot of focus. We may have some long-term vision of a goal to pursue.

Oct. 4 - Nov. 30: Mars/Gemini square Neptune Rx/Pisces. This being in orb for almost two entire months is really unfair. Our best-laid plans don’t go agley, as much as they vanish completely. A baffled Mars is not a pretty Mars, and we have to deal with whatever shortcoming we find in ourselves.

[ellana-ravenwood]

Can you be friend with your husband's ex-girlfriend ? - Bruce Wayne x Fem!Reader

Synopsis : Everyone always think you and Selina Kyle don’t like each others, solely for the fact that she used to "date” your husband. But as usual in life, things are much more complicated than that...A fluffy Drabble mainly about how truly strong, Bruce and reader’s love is. 

Listen. My students were having quiet reading times, and I had a sudden burst of inspiration as one of them chose a French story in which a mother and a step-mother unite fronts to save their little magical kid (I love that story haha), and it suddenly inspired me. I LOVE Catwoman. Like. A lot. And in my head, her and Batmom have always been...Oh. No spoilers. The rest in this story ;). Hope you’ll like this little bonus story ! : 

My masterlist blog : @ella-ravenwood-archives

__________________________________________________

“You look beautiful mom, do you have a date with father ? I thought date nights were on Thursdays.” 

You jumped a little in the air as your son’s voice resonate in the foyer. Definitely didn’t hear him, sneaky little bugger. You turn around towards him, and smile, saying : 

“It is on Thursdays, my little buddy. I’m having a girls night out, tonight.” 

“Girls night out ?” 

“Yes. You know, Cass and I are the only girls of the family. Sometimes we need to vent to our peers. Cass usually goes to see Steph and Babs, I go out with my friends.” 

You smile at him again, ruffling his hair, and he can’t help but chuckle a little bit. In recent months, Damian found that he actually loves, when the one he came to call “mom” (you), ruffled his hair. It made him feel like the little boy he was, as odd as it could sound to anyone not knowing him. 

“I didn’t know you went on such nights.” 

“I do, once a month. You just haven’t noticed because it’s usually on nights you’re out with your father rather early.” 

“I see. If it isn’t too -he hesitates- personal, can I ask with who you are going out ? Who are your friends ?” 

Your smile widens. Because just over a year back, that boy would’ve never cared about this. About who you hung out with, or about you in general. 

Ah, since he came in your life, he went a long way. The mere fact he wanted to know more about you was proof enough, and you felt absolutely touched. 

Even more so as you realized that he not only asked about your friends because he wanted to know you, but because he was a little worried about who you might spend time with, wether they’d put you in danger or not...So, oh so sweet. 

“Well, as cliche as it sounds, I’m going out with mainly other supermoms. We like to vent about...Things -you were aware that telling your son you and your friends love to vent about them wasn’t the best answer right now haha- So, Lois, you know her of course. Jon’s mom. There’s also Dinah, Connor’s mom. You saw him a few time at the Watchtower, although he’s quite younger than you so I don’t think you interact much. I bet you already know she’s Black Canary, and married to Green Arrow, I saw you snoop in your father’s files.” 

Your son’s face redden a little, but you give him a reassuring winks totally meaning : “I snooped around too”, and it makes him smile. You continue : 

“And finally there’s Diana. She’s not a mom yet, but she loooooves to listen to our stories. She’s also great at changing subjects and partying, who would’ve thought right ? I guess having thousand of years of practice helps. I’m sure you know she’s Wonder Woman eh. Oh, and of course, there’s Selina.” 

“Selina ?” 

“Yes.” 

“As in...Catwoman ?” 

“Yes ?” 

You can see your son wants to add something, and you’re pretty sure you know what it’s gonna be. But you let him ask naturally, leave him time to gather his thoughts and dare to ask. After all, you want to instal an atmosphere of trust, between you and your children. You want them to know they can always ask you anything. So you wait. Finally, Damian says : 

“Why are you meeting with this woman ? Don’t you like, hate her ?” 

"Why would I hate her ?” 

You know exactly why he’s thinking that. But you want him to elaborate, to make sense of his feelings about the subject. Simply, to talk. 

“Well...her and father used to...you know...” 

It’s not quite as formed as you were hoping for, but you do know. And at least, he tried. There was a time he would’ve just gotten mad you purposefully pretended not to understand his meaning, and would’ve left this instant.

You smile at him once more. To be honest, so many people thought you and Selina Kyle didn’t get along. 

You guess it would make sense, it’t true, she’s your husband ex after all. AND one of the only woman for whom he truly cared about. Those, were very few...

In fact, there was only three of you, in Bruce’s life, that truly made a difference. Sure, he had been infatuated before, with quite a few women. But only three, truly stood out. 

Talia Al’Ghul, of course. Not his first love (that was Julie Madison, although he was much too young to really know what love even was, and compared to you, it was just mild infatuation). But someone that used to be important nonetheless. The reason your sweet Damian (yes, sweet, especially when around you) was alive. 

She was important, once. When he was training under her father’s guidance, before he realized who Ras really was. 

Talia was a complicated woman who unfortunately could never truly get away from her upbringing, no matter how hard she tried. She was “too far gone”, by her own words. It was clear to Bruce, that if even herself thought she was un-savable, he couldn’t do much either. He did try, though. But it just never worked. 

You were certain that she left Damian in Bruce’s care, when the boy was barely ten, exactly because she didn’t want him to turn out like her. Which in itself, was a little redemption act, no ? At least, you thought so. 

Didn’t mean that you thought you could change her mind about those “world domination” plans that were ingrained in her mind since she was born. Fact is, she gave Damian a chance. 

You never hated Talia. You actually felt pretty sorry for her. 

She could’ve had such a different life, if, all those years ago, she had been able to leave her father. Not that you would want to, it’d mean that you and Bruce would never be (even if deep down, you knew that you and him would always end up together, no matter what...it would’ve just been a little lethal for you, if Talia was more around um um). 

Talia never even really tried to get “her” son back. It seemed she completely accepted to “give him” to you. She self-admittedly never really knew how to be a mother, and there was that time she had him killed because she thought it was meant to be...

Not that, anyway, you’d ever let that happen again. You made it very clear you wouldn’t. And your resolve and anger could be scary, even to Talia Al’Ghul.

Plus, the day she had Damian killed, she realized she didn’t want that...anyway long story short, she was no longer in his life. And although if one day she changed her mind and wanted to contact him again you wouldn’t oppose it, you knew Damian was yours. Everyone knew that if one day she would come back, beyond the fact you, Bruce, and his siblings would be here to protect Damian...The boy would never choose to go back to the Al Ghuls. 

He changed drastically, since he came with you. He was no longer her son. And she knew it. And didn’t interfere so far (and you knew she never would). 

He called YOU “mom”. He told YOU he loves you. You. Not her. he never interacted with you like he did with her anyway. And you still didn’t hate Talia. She was part of both Bruce, and Damian’s past (AUTHOR’S NOTE : a little reminder that Damian was born from a “test tube” with Bruce and Talia’s DNA (to simplify things), and had a surrogate mother to give birth to him (although sometimes he’s seen in literal “baby pods” like in Death Stranding haha). He was born A WHILE after Bruce left Talia and the League behind. He wasn’t born 9 months after. This is important infos so things fit timeline wise :)).

The second woman who had a great impact on your husband’s life, and who used to be “his”, was...Selina Kyle. 

For a long time Bruce felt like she was the only one to understand him. The only one accepting him for who he was, with no compromise. The only person on this Earth that wouldn’t try to change him. And although things were often “on and off”, and complicated, it was nice, to feel like he belonged. And Selina... Selina was the only one giving him this feeling. 

But...Well, he was wrong.  

Because then, you, the “third” and yet most important woman in his life, appeared. 

You arrived years after his love story with Talia, and quite a while after he started to realize him and Selina were maybe not meant to be. Too many differences, even as they understood each others (or at least he thought they did).

Then you barged in. A bit younger than him. Unafraid to be yourself, bold and utterly stubborn. Turning his world upside down, and making him reconsider if he ever knew what the word “love” meant before you.  

But that, was another story. Anyone seeing you with him, and particularly the way he looked at you, would instantly know how crazy he was about you. How desperately in love he was. 

Right now, the question wasn’t about how strong your bond was, and how he never loved anyone like he loves you. 

Nope. Right now, it was all about how you didn’t hate his exes (not even Talia). How anyway, they were part of his life at some point, that was a fact you could never change. 

Before you, Bruce had a past. Past. 

A past. A path. A path that lead him to you. A path that taught him to not make the same mistakes he made before, and a path that showed him it was you. That it has always been you. 

A past path, that couldn’t compare to his present with you. 

You didn’t even feel particularly jealous of them, you knew how Bruce felt about you, and that they were just that...part of his past. 

Now, sure. You would probably never even be friendly with Talia. Who she was and what she stood for made it so. The opposite of you, really. 

But Selina ? Well. Selina was another story. 

You smile at your son, and say : 

“Do you think of Selina and I as “conventional women” ? “

His answer came without a second of hesitation, Damian didn’t even have to think to say what he thought of your question : 

“Certainly not.” 

“Exactly. Now. Maybe society teaches girls they should instantly hate their boyfriend’s ex, but I chose not to listen. It’s a toxic view of life, and not all exes are crazy jealous psychos as the people make it sound ? Sometimes, like in your father and Selina’s case, the relationship ends on good terms. Selina is a great woman. As soon as she knew your dad and I were actually a thing, she backed off.” 

Well. That wasn’t entirely true. She backed off of Bruce. But she still LOVED driving him crazy jealous by openly flirting with you. 

“And I know how your dad feels about me. I trust him, too. Trust is important, you know that now right ? -he nods- So. Why would I hate someone I have a lot in common with, and with whom I’d probably be friend anyway if you father wasn’t in the picture ?” 

“I...I guess you wouldn’t ?” 

“And I indeed don’t.” 

Your son was visibly confused, and you couldn’t blame him really. 

Because of how the World was, but also because of who raised him (Talia was...a jealous woman), you understood how he couldn’t quite understand you not feeling threaten in the least by the fact Selina was your Broosh’s ex. So you say, kissing his forehead :

“I’ll tell you a few stories, soon. And I think you’ll get it.” 

“Ok, mom.” 

You smiled. He hadn’t call you “mom” for very long, and you quickly noticed he used every opportunity to use the word. It melted your heart. 

“Now, I have to go ! If I’m late, Diana is going to fly me out of here, and your father HATES when she does that. Goodnight baby, see you soon. Make sure to eat a proper dinner. I told Alfred but I trust you to listen. And force your dad to have one too, when I’m not here, he forgets things...even as important as literally feeding himself. Too engrossed in his project, you know. Anyway, love you. Good night !” 

“Good night, mom.” 

And with a last smile, you go out and leave behind a son that has a LOT of things to think about. 

************

A few days later, it was Damian’s mandatory night off and he was going to bed early. Your orders. You convinced him, by promising to read him a bedtime story.

Many would think your son was too proud to even admit you still read him stories before bed, even as he was approaching the age of 12. But many would be wrong. 

If there was something Damian wasn’t afraid of, it was to tell the world how much of a mamma’s boy he was. Nobody could blame him, he never really had a “real” mom. Not one like you, at least, who taught him with love and patience, and not hired assassins and blood. 

“Ok Little Buddy, what will it be tonight ?” 

"The story of how you became friend with Catwoman ?”

Your taken aback for a few seconds, you had totally forgotten about telling him about your “girls night out”. But then you smile, settle down next to him on his bed, and as he threw his heavy and comfortable quilt on both of you, you start your story. 

The day she saved your life. 

The first time you realized you and Selina could very well become friends one day, was that time she literally saved your life. Definitely a hint that she didn’t hate you, at least. 

And you ? Sure, at first you were a little insecure because you knew she was Bruce’s ex and Selina was...Well she was a gorgeous woman, smart, witty, and very VERY hot. 

But after seeing her a few times there and there, and seeing how she interacted with Bruce...you knew Selina Kyle was not the “home wrecker” time. That she would never try anything with him, as long as she knew you two were a thing. 

Sure she was a thief, unscrupulously taking whatever she wanted from whomever she wanted...but “someone else’s man” was definitely where she drew a limit. She felt absolutely no pleasure being a mean spirited person. 

And she saw how happy Bruce was with you...Which lead to that fateful night during which you two started to get closer. 

Because sure, you fought off your insecurities about her being his ex, but you weren’t exactly friendly. You just...knew of each others. 

The change happened not long after Bruce made it official with the media that he was no longer “Gotham’s most eligible bachelor”, and was in a serious relationship with you. 

To your surprise, the people in the city took it really well. Bruce was a beloved figure, they were happy that after years of clearly love life instability, he found someone. Sure, a few women and men had their heart broken, their dreams shattered, and were totally jealous of you but...

Anyone seeing you with him just instantly knew you guys were the real deal. That it was true love, as cheesy as it sounded. It was just that obvious. 

Maybe too obvious. 

Clearly, soon, everyone in Gotham knew how much Bruce Wayne cared about his girlfriend. How he would do anything for her. And...Well. 

This was Gotham. Do you get the picture ? 

It was a time during which you hadn’t moved in with him just yet. You’d do that only a few months later, not long before you and Bruce would adopt Dick. 

But for now, you still had your studio apartment in the heart of Gotham (refusing to take any handouts from Bruce, who could definitely get you a better place), and you were going back there after a few meeting with your publishers. 

You were suppose to meet Bruce the next day, as tonight, he was working on some important “Batcases”. You didn’t mind too much. Sometimes, it was nice to be alone with yourself, gave you a moment of self-care and calm. 

You loved Bruce of course, and loved being with him, but it was still nice to have some alone time nonetheless. 

Anyway. You were walking back, feeling rather good about the bath bomb that was waiting for you back home (it was from your favorite artisanal shop, a gift from Bruce, who definitely had no qualms buying you hundreds of dollars worth of bath bombs haha...If he couldn’t help you get a better apartment, didn’t mean he wasn’t gonna spoil you otherwise). 

That’s when it happened. You never even saw it coming. One second you were walking down the street, the next you had a damp towel around your mouth and nose, and everything went to black. 

************

You woke up in a warehouse. By the salty smell in the air though, you guessed you were somewhere on the docks. Which didn’t tell much, there was a lot of docks, in Gotham. Perks of living on a city with a seafront view ?

There was a group of men in a corner, playing cards. In front of you, a camera. You were gagged, your arms and legs were bound, and your head hurt like hell. 

“Hey, she woke up.”  

A shuffling to your side. The men playing cards were moving. They came to you, one turned the camera on. The other one put on some headphones and slowly directed a mic towards you, as the last man pulled on a ski mask and settled in front of the camera. 

Nothing made sense to you. Until the man in front of the camera started to talk. 

“Bruce Wayne. We have your girlfriend. If you don’t bring us-” 

Oh. Oh. You were kidnapped. And those men wanted a ransom. An insane amount of money. That you knew Bruce had, but still. Ah. 

You had to get out of here. You had to. 

You looked around you, nothing. And there were the three men. Oh. Oh but the edges of your chair were sharp. And if you slowly made a back and forth movement with your wrists, you could see it slowly cutting the ropes. And so, you got to work.  

Only...

“Believe me, we won’t hesitate to hurt her. Here, a proof of “good faith”.”

Huh ? OUTCH ! The man in front of the camera had just almost knocked you out with the force of his punch in your jaw. You were wondering if he hadn’t broken it. You couldn’t quite think anymore, and could feel the tears slowly falling on their own from your eyes... 

Damn, it hurt. You didn’t see it coming either, too focused on slowly cutting the ropes while making sure they didn’t notice. 

“Ok, I think that’s good. Whaddaya think, Rupert ?”

“We can do another take if you want, and then edit the punch in ? I’m not sure she can handle another hit like that, she looks pretty shaken up.” 

“Ah well we-”

“Oooooh booyyys !” 

Your ears were ringing, everything was blurry, and your head hurt so much. But you definitely recognized that voice. 

“Catwoman, you’re early.” 

Huh ? What was she doing here... 

“Well, I thought I’d pop in a little earlier knowing you boys would be around. I’m sort of in a hurry. I accept cash of course, as usual. I think you’ll find the array of jewelries I brought today to be...What the hell are you doing ?”

“Mm ? Oh, her ? A little side operation. She’s Bruce Wayne’s sweetheart. Rumors has it he’d burn the world for her, we thought we’d take advantage of it and expend our business.” 

“That’s quite a jump from fencing stolen jewelries, to kidnapping, isn’t it ?” 

The man shrugged, and turned back to you. 

“Well, you don’t achieve anything if you don’t start new ventures. And there’s big money to be made here. For sure. That idiot Wayne will pay up, there’s no doubt.” 

You heard the click-clacks of heels, and a shadow came into your vision. 

“What did you do to her, you animals ?” 

“Just a punch. And maybe we weren’t too delicate with her when we moved her to our van, and then here. But it’s fine. Nothing too bad really.” 

Slowly you were regaining your vision. And the pain was retrieving. You had never been punched before. You kinda hope it would never happen again... 

The way those thugs were talking about the all thing was so casual, from them talking about how they’d edit the video destined to Bruce, to how they were just saying they were expanding their operation...For a little bit, you almost forgot you were from Gotham.

Gotham. 

America’s capital of crime. 

Where little thugs like those ones were plenty. 

Men who thought they could “make it big”.

Gotham.

A place that bred someone like your Bruce, and his nightly activities... 

Selina’s voice raised again, harsh and dry : 

“I give you all the things I stole in the past month, in exchange of her.” 

There’s a short silence, followed by a chuckle from one of the man, clearly the leader, who answers : 

“Oh please. We ain’t stupid. We know her value. And we know someone like you, wouldn’t trade anything in for her if she wasn’t valuable. You’re not exactly known to be a nice woman.” 

There’s a hint of anger crossing Selina’s face, and you immediately understand where it comes from. Sure. She was a thief. A criminal. And sometimes, she’d rough up some security guards, or some fellow criminals that think they could cross her. 

But she was no brute. 

She would never NEVER kidnap anyone, and especially not an innocent. 

She protected children, and defenseless woman in her neighborhood, and whenever she could. She wasn’t exactly a hero, like Bruce; That’s for sure. But she wasn’t a bad person. No. She wasn’t. 

And those guys words ? Just infuriated her. 

“Mm. Too bad for you. Don’t go out and say I didn’t give you a chance. Really, too bad. I liked doing business with you.” 

“What are you-”

In an instant, Selina sprout in action, and knocked the three men out before they could even realize. That was impressive. Even gagged, you could hear yourself utter a “wow” as she rushed back to you to untie you. 

She smiled as she saw you made a good way through the ropes, and were most likely be able to get out of your bounds at some point. You were glad you didn’t though, because you weren’t quite sure what you were going to do once free ? 

You fall forward on the floor and she catches you. Your head is still ringing, as you look at Selina. 

There is genuine concern on her face. 

How odd. 

"Are you okay ?” 

“Yes, I’m fine.” 

“Good. Cause I refuse to be the one telling Bruce the person he loves the most in this world died. Again.” 

“Yes. Thank you I-I...”

“Hey, are you okay ? (Y/N) ? (Y/N) ??” 

You could hear Selina call to you, and it felt like her voice was slowly fading into the distance...The adrenaline gone, the stress of it all gone, you had simply passed out. 

************

“Is she alright ?!” 

Bruce arrived, bursting through a window, and ran to you. Your head was in Selina’s lap (she felt bad just leaving you laying down there on the hard concrete ground), and she was casually sitting, her back against a container. 

She was surrounded by the knocked out bodies of your aggressors. 

“Yes. Yes she’s just sleeping. She got roughed up a little bit, but I checked. Nothing too bad. It’ll leave a few bruises. Nothing time cannot heal.” 

After saving you, totally by chance, Selina called Bruce on his red phone, so he would know it’s an emergency. 

It didn’t even take him more than ten minutes to drop the case he was working on, cross town, and arrive. 

He kneeled next to you, and checked every part of you to make sure Selina was right. But it did appear you were just asleep. The shock was too big, probably. 

“How did you know she was here ?” 

“I didn’t. It was all luck. Those men were some...um...Associates of mine.” 

“You have associates that kidnap women ?” 

There was anger in Bruce’s voice, but Selina knew better than to think it was aimed at her. No. It was anger he felt towards those men who hurt you, and towards himself, too, as he wasn’t there to take care of you. 

“No. She’s their first.” 

He looks at you, with a longing and love in his eyes that he never looked at Selina with. She recognizes it instantly. He’s more in love with you than he ever been with her. Was it even really love, between them, or a strong friendship ? Sometimes, the two were difficult to dissociate.

She stares at him, because it’s quite something, to see the Batman himself so desperately in love that he dropped everything he was doing to run to you, knowing that you were safe. 

It’s quite something, to see the Batman himself ready to give it all up just for one person. Something he was never willing to do before. Never willing to do with Selina... 

She stares at him, and smiles. An almost sad smile, because it hurts a bit, he never looked at her like that. But a smile nonetheless, because she knows now for sure, that he found his true love. 

Nobody would peg Catwoman for a romantic, but oh, oh she was a hopeless sap. Especially when it touched her dear friends. 

Bruce looks at her, and mistakes that look in her eyes for something that isn’t there. She can see it instantly. He thinks she’s sad, that she’s truly hurt he found someone else. That he moved on. 

She’s not. But of course, he would think so. 

“Selina I-”

“Don’t Bruce. It’s ok. You and I were never meant to be together, and we knew it. Doesn’t mean we can’t be friend. I actually think we work better, as friends, don’t you ? Take care of her. She’s definitely a keeper.” 

You slowly shift in Bruce’s arms, and he takes a look at you. At your wounds. His heart tightens, and he holds you with more force. 

“Thank you.” 

He barely whispers it, but Selina hears him. She smiles at him, happy that her friend found happiness. True happiness. 

All she ever wanted for Bruce, was for him to find a way to be happy. Clearly, she wasn’t that. But you...You definitely were. 

“I don't know what I would’ve done if she...” 

“Hey, hey come on Bat. Don’t think about this. She’s fine. Just tired from the shock. She’ll recover, she’s strong. And you’ll be here, right ?” 

“...Yes.” 

He didn’t sound too convince, and Selina could feel a big urge to slap him across the face. Because she knew what he was thinking. And he’d better not do it. 

“Bruce if you-”

“Thank you, Selina. I’m going to take her home, now. She needs the rest. And-And I do too.” 

And on that note, he exited the warehouse, holding you tight in his arms. And oh. Oh Selina hoped to everything she held sacred (and that wasn’t a lot of things) that he wouldn’t be a stupid idiot. 

The day she saved his heart. 

He couldn’t stop thinking of that time you got hurt. Because of him. Because he was Bruce Wayne...What if anyone got wind that he was Batman ? 

It’d be even worst. If someone like the Joker, or Penguin ever knew who he really was (and that was definitely a possibility), being with you would sign your death. 

He had to-

“Oh god Bruce you are SO cliche.” 

He slightly jumped in the air as Selina casually sat down beside him, looking down to the dark streets below. There was a slight fog, and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes at how even the weather decided to join in ont he stereotype. 

“Excuse me ?” 

“You’re a living cliche. What, brooding all alone on a rooftop, on a full moon night, wondering if you should ruin your life or not, sacrifice your own happiness for dumb reasons.” 

“What ?” 

“What, breaking up with her to protect her ? Really ? Do you even know how dumb that sounds ?” 

“I didn’t-”

“Your thoughts are plain to see. I know you, Bruce. And I noticed your face, ever since she got hurt. And what you’re thinking? Leaving her for her own safety ? D-U-M-B. So dumb.”

“Did you not pay attention to the close call she just had ?!” 

“I was there to save her. And if I wasn’t, you would’ve barged in and save her. Or better yet, when I arrived, she had made her way half way through her bounds by slowly cutting it on the edge of her chair ! She might’ve escaped on her own !”

“Or gotten killed.” 

“But she’s alive.”

“No thanks to me.” 

“So what, you renounce happiness because maybe one day she’ll be in danger ? This is Gotham, Bruce. She is always in danger. And if you leave her alone, like I know you’re thinking about, she will definitely be an easy target. It’s not because you break up with her that people will stop thinking you care about her. In fact, after she got attacked like that, and it was made public, I bet the opposite will happen. Criminals in Gotham are a lot of things, but dumb is unfortunately not one of them. They WILL come after you if you leave her to fend for herself. If you break up.” 

“You don’t know that.” 

“I do know that. Come on Bruce. I was born here. You too. And her too. Hell, I saw her give a nasty right hook to more than one person, in the short time I’ve known her ! One of those being Mayor Hady himself, and that was BEFORE she started to date you, how fearless is she, huh ?” 

“That’s the problem.”

“Her fearlessness ? Sounds to me like it to be taken advantage of. Train her. Teach her to fight, to defend herself. Give her the keys, to survive. Just like you gave yourself the keys to go on your “justice” mission.” 

“I...I can’t.”

“Why ?” 

“Because she...She shouldn’t live this kind of life.” 

“A little late, no ? She knows who you really are already. And she stayed. Even then, shouldn’t this be her own choice ? Shouldn’t she decide on what she deserves ?” 

“Selina-” 

“Nu-hu. Don’t start with this. You tried to do the same with me, and I didn’t have the patience to stay. But I know she does. I know you can try to push her through the front door, she’ll climb through the window. She, unlike me or anyone else, will see right through your bullshit. Does, see right through your bullshit. And is willing to put up with it...You’ll never find someone else who does.” 

“I know...”

“Then, what are you doing ?”

And with that, Selina rolled her eyes, grumbled something about him being a stubborn idiot, said : “think of her feelings for once, and not your own. Because you damn well know Bruce, that if you leave her, it will be out of selfishness, not because you think it’s truly the only way.”, and jumped from the building to the one next door, leaving Bruce with too many thoughts and dilemmas...

Even if in the end, the answer became obvious to him.   

************

“As if I would ever let that happen anyway.” 

“I’m sorry ?” 

Years later, Bruce told you the story of how he almost broke up with you not long after you two moved in together, shortly before you adopted Dick. 

“She was right you know ? I would’ve climbed through the window. See. If I knew for sure you were leaving me because you didn’t love me, then I would leave you alone of course. But I would’ve definitely called your bluff.” 

“How can you be so sure ?” 

He smiles fondly at you, bringing you into a warm embrace as you roll your eyes at him. Ah but of course, even him always knew you could see right through him, even when he tried to hide his emotions. 

“Please, Bruce. You can’t fool me. You were never able to, and I don’t think you’ll ever learn to. Or I’ll just learn your new tricks, and crack you anyway. And believe me, if you had tried to leave me at that time...I wouldn’t’ve let that happen.” 

He lays his forehead on yours, unable to say another word. Tonight, he was able to tell you this story that was now “silly”, but that almost tore his heart away from him. 

Because if he had lose you to his own stupidness, he would’ve become just an empty shell. Back to those dark days of loneliness, and acting like a machine while his entire soul was hurting. 

Sure. Now this story sounded silly. But oh, oh if he had gone through with it. If-

“I’ll have to thank Selina though. Because she avoided me going through the trouble of drilling into your thick skull that it’s ok to be happy. And be afraid for those you love. Especially in your situation...” 

“I know.” 

He holds you tighter. Just as every time he realizes how lucky he is to have another shot at this “family” thing. How lucky he is, that you’re here, with him. 

And Selina was truly to thanks for that, in a way. 

Because, you were almost sure you could’ve change his mind and not break up with you. But there was this slight possibility, this slight one you’d fail...

Maybe you would’n’t’ve been able to convince him to stay with you. Maybe. There was still a chance, right ? So you’re thankful. Your thankful for having such a good friend. For having Selina in your life. 

You’re thankful that one day, a stupid mistake you made truly started this dear friendship. 

The day she became a friend. 

You had always been quite a “lone wolf” sort of person. So you didn’t have a lot of friends. Your childhood best friend, Alex, had moved across the country years ago. And making new friends as the wife of Bruce Wayne was hard. 

This was a time BEFORE you met the others from the League. BEFORE any of them knew the Batman had a family. 

Of course, before introducing you to them, he had to make sure things were safe. That they could be trusted (A/N : if you wanna see the day he does trust them, here’s the story I wrote about it haha : “You have kids ?? And…A WIFE ?”). 

So, you didn’t have many friends. And sometimes...You wished you did. 

Someone that wasn’t your Broosh. Or your kid. Or Alfred. 

You told everything to Bruce, but sometimes...Well sometimes certain issues, you couldn’t talk to him about. Like for example the time he annoyed the hell out of you. Sure you’d tell it to his face, and you guys would fight, then work it out, and finally  make up, and you didn’t want to bring back the issues you know ? You wouldn’t vent to him about him, eh ?

Bruce was definitely your best friend. But he was also the man you loved. And sometimes, it was nice to have an “outside” perspective. 

Someone with whom you could gossip a little (although you did gossip plenty with your husband, when at charity balls and galas). 

And then, slowly, you realized what you actually were feeling...

Selina. 

You were missing her. 

It had been a little while since the last time you saw her. 

Ever since she saved your life, and knocked some sense in your Broosh, whenever you saw her, you’d have such a interesting and compelling conversations. 

It was oh so pleasant, to gang up on Bruce and make fun of him. His pride was always hit, and he’d frown in such a delightful way. 

At the same time, she knew him rather well, and you knew him rather well, and you three had a lot in common and it sometimes felt like you were a trio from a very cliched “chosen one” story. 

Hermione, Ron, Harry. 

Percy, Annabeth, Grover. 

Any trio really. It even inspired some of your stories. Yet...Yet you wouldn’t call her quite a “friend”. Why that ? 

You weren’t sure. It just was never made official, and in your anxiety riddled mind it meant that you weren’t friends, then. 

Yet you missed her. And earlier in the day, you saw something that made you want to call her and talk to her about it ! 

Should you call her ? Send a text ? You had her number. She once wrote it on a napkin and slipped it in your pocket right in front of Bruce, just to mess with him. You kept it, and put it in your phone, not really knowing why. 

Taking your phone, you started to draft a text (it had to be drafted before being send, it you were even going to send it...your anxiety made it so that even with texts, you had to make sure you didn’t sound stupid or such). 

You didn’t really have any intention to send it. You were just toying with a few ideas when...

No. Oh no. 

Oh fuck. No. No no no no no no. 

Instead of hitting the “back” key to erase the text for good and move on from this weird move, you pressed “send”. Shit. Fuck. Motherfucker. 

It was such a dumb text as well. 

“Hey girlfriend, wanna hang out ?” 

You were just trying out different ways of writing a text, and were entering “stupid silly mode”, which was the step right before you usually gave up and didn’t send something (you had MANY of those moments when starting to date Bruce...Moments during which you almost send some really sappy and silly texts, making the mistakes a few time to indeed press “send”...mortifying...why, why were you never learning from your mistakes ?!). 

You were in your office, in the Wayne Inc building (you settled your writing office there, so it was more convenient to see your Bruce, but also to handle taking care of your son, Dick), downright panicking about this stupid text, when you heard a knock on your door. 

How long had you been beating yourself down about this ? AN HOUR ?! Damn. Anxiety never let you keep track of time. You-

“Hey...girlfriend.”

Bollocks. 

It was her. Selina. And you could hear her smug smile in her voice. You were facing your windows, not wanting to turn around, and it was getting a little awkward. Selina broke the silence : 

“Listen, I thought you did want to hang out and was just making an inside joke by being overly girly, you know, imitating those models Bruce used to date ? But I realize maybe this was um, a mistake ?” 

She sounds so unsure. You never heard her sound unsure before ! So you turn around, and here she is, a little shy. 

Catwoman. A little shy ? 

And all of a sudden, you realize she must’ve felt the same about you. Consider you a friend, but since you never talked about it never took it for granted, for something sure, settled in stone ? 

And your text maybe confirmed you were, indeed, friends ? 

And here it was. 

From that day, and on. 

The official beginning of your friendship. 

Of course, you both saw the other as a friend since a while before, but it’s with this embarrassing text that it really changed everything. 

Made it “official”. 

Made it clear to the both of you. 

It never occurred to you that Selina too, could sometimes have insecurities and be anxious. But that day, as she shyly responded to your call, hopeful it meant you were really friends...

Being her, it was also hard to make friend. 

She had been friend with Bruce for a long time. The fact she was yours now too, filled her with joy. Because she really liked the both of you, in the most platonic way that ever existed. 

Yes. Her and Bruce worked better as friends anyway. 

Ah. But wasn’t this how the best friendship started ? With a push from fate, a little awkwardness, and a lot of laughter once the initial shock passed ? 

Girls night out. 

It happened a day during which you, Dinah and Lois were...not in a great mood. 

Your husbands were aggravating, your children got into troubles and shenanigans, you had so much to do...it was a lot of stress, and it was all released at the same time. 

You all left your house yelling that you “needed air”, and left behind rather stunned husbands and children. Ah but yes, everything wasn’t always perfect, even amongst loving families.

And your first reflex ? To call each others. 

That’s it. That’s how girls night out started. The realization sometimes you needed to wind down with some friends. But quickly, you realized that the three of you talked mainly about your kids and husbands, and by extension, the “superhero work”. Which was fine, you needed to vent but...It wasn’t helping you relieve some tension. 

And that’s when you got an idea. 

Who better than Selina Kyle to make you NOT talk about your families ? 

You joined in a bar every first Wednesday of the month, starting at happy hours for you, Dinah and Lois. Ranting about your families, and about annoying habits your husbands had etc etc...And then you were joined a bit later in the evening by Selina and Diana. 

And that’s when the fun really began. 

It became a ritual. 

Girls night out (A/N : maybe I should write a story about that one day haha). 

This was one such night, and you had let lose a little bit more than usual because...for the first night in nine months, you could drink a little bit of alcohol. 

Alcohol had never been your thing, but a sweet cocktail there and there was nice. Now, while being pregnant with your youngest, Thomas, obviously you weren’t going to do that. 

And you had missed a few “girls night out” because you were too damn pregnant. 

But now, he was OUT, and you were TOO. 

Well. Diana said something like that, as she kept giving you more and more cocktails. 

Long story short, you were a little tipsy. And definitely not able to drive. And so here was your savior, Selina. 

She didn’t really drink, knowing you would totally let loose. So she drove you home. 

You were coming back a little later than usual, and you had forgotten to send a little text to Bruce to tell him so so he wouldn’t worry (Selina did it for you though, true friend had your back eh ? And she definitely didn’t want the Batman to come barge in on your girls night fun). 

He opened the door as you walked up the stairs, saying bye to Selina. She had that smirk on her face, the one you knew she always had when about to tease your beloved husband. And as he slipped an arm around your waist, and turned to wave goodbye to her...She did just that : 

“Careful Bat, I’m making good progress with her. If you’re not wary enough, I’ll steal her from you.” 

On that note, Selina winks at the both of you, puts on her sunglasses (while it was night...Oh Selina), and drives away, smiling widely of that very Catwomanesque smug smile. Which makes you chuckle. She always made you laugh rather easily. 

You turn to your bruce and...

Oh. That adorable “jealous frown” got you every time. Your smile shifts from amused to utterly affectionate, and you put your hands on his cheeks. 

He was looking at Selina’s car fading into the distance, the arm he had around you tightening slightly (you were pretty sure he wasn’t even consciously doing it). Your hands on his cheeks didn’t seem to register in his mind. 

So a further distraction was needed. You brush your lips against his cheek, as an attempt to drive his attention back to you and...it works. 

You smile at him, and in your little hazy state you whisper in his ear : 

“I love you, my Broosh.” 

He can’t help but feel a surge of warm feelings towards you, and bring you in a tight hug. Partly because he can’t help it, partly because he’s trying to hide the slight blush growing on his face whenever you surprise him with “I love yous”, and that always made him snicker at him...Only you could fluster him so. 

“I love you too.” 

You tripped on air, as, once again, you were a little tipsy, and he catches you...Good, he needed an excuse to carry you bridal style anyway. 

He always liked doing so, any excuse to have you near really. And as your face approach for a loving kiss you-

************

“Wait wait wait mooooom !! You don’t have to leave this gross part in !” 

“What gross part ?” 

“The sappy declaration of love, and the kiiiisses !!” 

“Oh ? But don’t every story have to end with a kiss ? And a happy ever after ?” 

“Nu-huh ! Also HEY ! None of your stories end like this, I know, I read them all !”

You chuckle slowly at your boy’s reaction, and kiss him on the forehead. Quite touched he read all your stories. 

“Time for bed, little buddy.” 

You say, slipping out of his quilt and tucking him in. You can see he pensively thinks about your little friendship story, and finally he says : 

“I’ll try to be nicer to Miss Kyle. I never trusted her, because of her past with father. But maybe she deserves a chance ?” 

“She does.” 

“If you say so, then I believe it.” 

It touches you, how much blind faith your son puts in you. You smile, giving him another kiss to his forehead, as he says : 

“Thank you for telling me the story, mom. It was nice.” 

Behind this “it was nice”, there isn’t just the story itself, but the knowledge that as you grow up...Your feelings change. 

You change. 

And you go through a lot of heartaches, before finally finding the right persons to surround yourself with. 

Beyond the story itself, Damian related to how it took both you and Bruce a lot of trials and errors, before finding each others. How you loved before you met the other, but it never compared to how you love each others. 

How you found good friends along the way, and how even when things sounded desperate and lonely...you made it through. 

So he could certainly do so, too ? Even more so since now, he was a big brother. 

Thomas was barely a few weeks old, but Damian had already taken his role very seriously. And you knew he was going to continue to grow, to love, to hurt too sometimes...and to evolve. 

Just like you and Bruce did. 

So. No. You didn’t hate Selina Kyle just because she and your husband used to be a thing. In fact...

In fact, Selina had become both of your best friend. Unfortunately for Bruce, she often took your side on everything, and LOVED to drive him crazy by openly flirting with you. 

And she had been by your side through many good moments, and bad ones. The first to respond when your family needed it. The one you’d always be there for, and vice versa. 

A best friend. 

Quite an important find. 

When you met Bruce, not only did you meet the love of your life, but also one of your best and most precious friend. 

Conclusion : is it possible to be friend with your husband’s ex ? Absolutely. 

Especially when that “ex” was someone as extraordinary as Selina Kyle, and when the love that linked you and your husband was so impossible to even graze. 

__________________________________________________

And yet another bonus story that I had no intention to write but suddenly felt the need to haha. Don’t worry, the rest of the stories I announced are still coming ;). I guess there’s nothing bad in having little bonus ones in between hehe. I hope you liked this, again it’s just a little drabble.

As usual comments and reblogs are always greatly appreciated and motivating <3.

PS : I wrote this, like all drabbles, in like thirty minutes. Didn’t re-read. Sorry for any typos. Don’t hesitate to point any huge ones to me, Ill change it x_x. 

[genevievemd]

Masterlist

Book: Open Heart Pairings: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Genevieve McClure), Bryce Lahela x F!OC (Natalie Michaels)

All fics, edits and series found here

Long Story Short (Part of Open Heart: Sara’s Version)

Summary: The four times Ethan met Genevieve’s exes. (In chronological order)

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Epilogue

Open Heart: Second Year Rewrite

Summary: After deciding to stay together, but in secret, Ethan and Genevieve navigate the ups and downs of her second year of residency.

Sad, Beautiful, Tragic/ As the Crow Flies

Summary: insert/post ch 13, Bk 3. Ethan and MC break up then get back together

Sad, Beautiful, Tragic

As the Crow Flies

Nowhere Left to Run

Summary: MC’s ex comes to Boston, throwing her seemingly perfect life into unbalance

The Truth

The Light

The Reckoning

Champagne Problems/ It’s Time to Go

Summary: She has every intention of rekindling her relationship with Ethan Ramsey, but is faced with a heartbreaking discovering. Her lost love, is engaged.

Champagne Problems

It’s Time To Go

Evermore

Summary:  Leland forces Ethan and MC apart, will they find a way back to each other or be lost forever.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Love You Home

Summary: After months of planning, Ethan is finally ready to propose but catastrophe strikes and it could destroy everything.

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Love You Home: Texts Edition

Summary: text exchanges from the timeline of Love You Home

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Burned to Ashes (Complete)

Summary: Post Ch 3 of BK 2, Ethan and MC find it hard to be in the same room.

Part One

Part Two

The Ultimatum/The Answer (Complete)

Summary: Post ch. 19 of BK2, After the hospital closes and Ethan has yet to commit - MC goes to his apartment to demand answers.

The Ultimatum

The Answer

A Change in Status (Complete)

Summary: a “redo”/ extension of the office/massage scene in ch 18 of BK 2. Part 1 is in Ethan’s POV and part 2 is MC’s POV after said scene.

Part One

Part Two

Prompt Requests: all completed prompts

Versace: Ethan and Gen attend a charity gala for their boss’s foundation, and Ethan is overwhelmed by his wife’s dress.

Shades of Regret: She tried to move on, but with her last hours alive slowing ticking away, the only person she wants is the man that broke her heart. (Bk 2, Ch 11 au - Ethan didn’t kiss Gen after the softball game and she’s starting to date Bryce)

Wise Men Say…: Ethan and Gen dance during Ines’s wedding before sneaking off. (Set during Ch 11 of book 2 - a tiny rewrite of the reception)

Semi Permanent: Bk 2, Ch 1 rewrite. Gen dyed her hair while Ethan was in the Amazon, he comes comes back and is shook. Angst follows.

Confessions: Post Ch 4, BK 3, MC has been feeling unsteady and Ethan finally noticed.

Saturn: Nothing feels real without him. (Warning: Major character death)

Christmas at Edenbrook: Ethan and MC(Gen) decide to work at the hospital on Christmas Day. Just a fluffy gift exchange between my favorite beans. Zero Plot.

Rule Breaker: an extra scene from chapter 2 of Love You Home. MC just wants to kiss her boyfriend at work. That’s it, that’s the fic

Touch: Post ch 20 BK 2, MC experiences some ptsd/anxiety and goes to Ethan for comfort.

Epiphany: Following the attack (ch 11 bk 2) Ethan spends the night in MC’s hospital room.

A Love Like This: (Post ch 17 bk 2) MC questions whether or not she made the right decision with Esme.

MC Takes Ethan to her hometown for the weekend: Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3 ~ Part 4

MC and Ethan attend Bloom Edenbrook’s Holiday Charity Gala: Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3 ~ Part 4

MC participates in Throwback Thursday

Ethan takes MC to Providence for the weekend: Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3 ~ Part 4

Ethan takes MC out for a Christmas Dinner

Ethan DTR’s in a Pictagram comment

MC’s childhood friend comes to visit (and they thirst trap Ethan): Part 1 ~ Part 2

Happy New Year, from Ethan and MC

Thirst Trap Ethan Ramsey

Surprise Date Night

Ethan and MC on their honeymoon

Lizzie and Grayson Ramsey

MC’s First Pregnancy

MC’s Second Pregnancy

Pre-Wedding Ceremony picta edits and texts

The Ramsey Kids

Ethan and MC’s Rehearsal dinner

Ethan and MC’s Wedding day

MC’s First Mother’s Day

Elizabeth Ramsey’s First Year

McRam One Year Wedding Anniversary Trip: Part 1 ~ Part 2

Talk to the Sand: Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3

Bonne Année: Part 1 (Dec 30th - Jan 1st), Part 2 (Jan 2nd - 5th)

The Ramseys and their fur babies

Little Ram: Baby Shower Lizzie Ramsey

Pretty in Pink: Ethan and Gen’s first formal event as husband and wife

Ethan’s Sunshine

Little Grayson Ramsey

January and June: Ethan and Gen attend a gala (inspired by an ask)

In the Middle of the Night:   After being sent home, Gen has a hard time falling asleep without a certain doctor beside her.  

Guide You Home

Selfie

Babies First Halloween: Lizzie and Gray’s first halloweens

Lizard and Monkey

MC asks Ethan what his “this is her” photo is

MC gets Ethan to use the wrong “your”/”you’re” (slightly NSFW)

Ethan and MC text during a very boring meeting with Leland and their co-workers.

Operation: Jealousy: Ethan’s having dinner with a friend from John Hopkins, MC is worried and jealous. Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3 ~ Ethan and MC’s entire convo

Ethan goes back to the Amazon, he and MC text while he’s away MC spams Ethan with TikToks

MC forces Ethan to partake in a TikTok Trend

Sunday Promises and Regrets

A Pun Time: Gen sends Ethan a Star Wars themed pickup line

Meet My MC(Genevieve McClure)

Meet my MC: Genevieve’s past

Meet my MC: Present Day

Genevieve’s book covers and author photos

Ethan and Gen: Relationship at a Glance

Ramsey Family Chart

Inside E and G’s phones

NS*FW Stats

Pregnancy Stats

More about Ethan and Gen

Pet Names

MC Monday

Wedding Wednesday

MC tells childhood friends she’s dating Ethan

Ethan asks MC to move in with him

MC’s “Ethan Box”

Ethan and MC’s Wedding

Landry finds out Ethan and MC are married with a kid

Hosted by @jamespotterthefirst​

Round One

Round Two

Round Three

Round Four

Round Five: Not Wed Yet

Round Six: Would You Rather

Round Seven : Home Tour

Round Eight: Spicy Edition (18+)

Round 9: Friends Edition

Round 10: Wedding at a Glance

Round 11

Round 12: Meet the Exes

Round 13: Looks Throughout the Years

Round 14: Halloween Edition

Meet My OC (Natalie Michaels)

EDITS:

Ride or Dies’ (MC - Gen, OC - Nat, OC - Tori) group chat about Natalie dating Bryce

Bryce and Natalie’s First Date

Group Chat - OPH Gang find out about Bryce and Nat

MC texts Nat after date with Bryce

Bryce and Natalie’s 1st Wedding Anniversary

FICS:

Nonsexual Acts of Intimacy Prompts

[thatmomentwhen345]

Ok ummmmmmmmmmmmmm

These last two weeks have been very emotionally exhausting because of finals and what I’m about to tell you and I don’t really know how to sum it up so I guess you’re getting the same treatment as my Facebook (this is copied directly from the post on there and was posted on December 12th for context)

(This is the beginning of the Facebook post)

You guys, I don’t know what to do.

You might have gathered from my last few posts, but I’m not okay. And it will sound like such a stupid reason to the majority of you. But I made an irreversible mistake back in 2019 that has been haunting me for the past week. This is the first time that I can remember regretting a decision this much. Was it my stubbornness, my closed-mindedness? Was it my see-it-to-believe-it tendencies? Was it my inability to learn from my mistakes?

For those who don’t know, on November 13th of this year, the YouTube channel Unus Annus was deleted from the platform forever. After one year of daily videos by Markiplier and CrankGameplays, it was all gone. The point of the channel was to remind us to use our time that we have alive wisely, because Memento Mori. Remember that you must die.

The channel started on November 15th of 2019, and, well, I don’t know anything about their beginnings. I just saw their introduction video in my recommended or on trending or something and thought, “Is that Markiplier? Shouldn’t he be focusing on his own channel? Who’s this other guy?” and moved on without a second thought. I occasionally saw their videos in the trending tab but ignored them. I didn’t even know they had such a big following. I thought it looked stupid and didn’t think about it until, well, the end.

A few weeks ago, my brother was watching the final livestream that would mark the day that the channel was deleted for good. I was in the room with the livestream on the TV, watching their final hours tick by, still not thinking about the channel at all. Just like, oh hey that thing that people were talking about, wasn’t it like, a cult? I didn’t think about it at all until... the fifth of December? Was it really only a week ago? That feels like a lifetime away now...

The YouTuber FootofaFerret released a video called “Pretending Unus Annus Isn’t Over” and I saw it in my reccomended. https://youtu.be/8SMpCbI9U00 I was like, hey, yeah, I remember that thing that ended. I trusted Foafy’s judgement because of his previous videos about saying goodbye to Steven Universe. So I watched it and don’t really remember how it made me feel. I just remember him saying that the Unus Annus fandom was in mourning and I was like “aw poor guys I’ve seen on TikTok some people are sad about it”. Foafy also suggested that people who were wanting more of the Unus Annus vibe to watch Mark’s Markiplier Makes playlist. I watched some of them and, again, moved on.

The timeline is fuzzy from here on. I’m still processing it, honestly. I think I might have looked up the Unus Annus theme (Turncoat by Michael Rothery) first? Then I think I found some compilations or clips from their videos and was like wow this stuff is funny. And then I realized that there are archived versions of all of their videos (that’s against the rules of Unus Annus for those who don’t know) and... don’t hate me... went looking for them. I watched two in full. I won’t say which two but just know that the second one I specifically searched out because I knew that they did a lot of random stuff on there and that there was a chance that they would do it too. And they did! It was a funny video. I realized how much of a fun dynamic that Ethan and Mark had and looked for more compilations. The more I watched, the more I realized that I had made a terrible mistake in 2019.

I had missed out on so much. And I couldn’t take it back without breaking the rules. The concept of Unus Annus intrigued me so much, all of the people involved on the channel worked so well together, they were all so funny, but now I could never experience it in full because I was stubborn and, well, thinking about other things this year. I could have jumped in at any point between then and November 13th of this year but I chose not to.

Monday was a rollercoaster. 1st stage: denial. I was like well this doesn’t matter, I’m not even in the UA fandom, it’s gone and I don’t care. But it wasn’t that simple of course. I kept watching the Markiplier Makes videos and the UA compilations and became particularly interested in Ethan. He seemed very genuine and sensitive and his on-camera chemistry with Mark was really entertaining. 2nd stage: anger. I was furious at myself for missing out. Those two videos I watched in full were just small teasers for what the entire channel was like. I hated that I couldn’t take it back. And I hated that if I did, I would’ve broken the rules and gone against Mark and Ethan’s wishes, which I also wouldn’t be able to take back. I was horribly conflicted. 3rd stage: bargaining. I desperately went after any content surrounding Unus Annus that I could without breaking the rules, and was still considering watching the illegal archives. I haven’t watched any more of them in full, but sometimes I watch parts of them in incognito mode when it becomes too much to bear.

Tuesday was... Tuesday had to have been the longest day I’ve had the entire year. 4th stage: depression. It was slowly sinking in, the gravity of my mistake. I was starting to realize how much of a phenomenon Unus Annus was and that it was so unique and had such a cool message and that it made so many peoples’ 2020 just a little bit better, but not mine. I then did what I always do and found my comfort in music. I put on a bunch of good songs that I hadn’t heard in a while and just... sat there painstakingly doing my math homework. I couldn’t concentrate on anything the whole day. Monday, either. The song Goodbye to a World by Porter Robinson came on and I was like hey, this song perfectly suits the way I’m feeling right now. I wondered if anyone else had made connections between this song and Unus Annus and looked to see if there had been any AMVs (animated music videos) about the idea and the end of UA. Lo and behold, this popped up and I watched it! https://youtu.be/-q-oByQWdlM It hit all the right spots and I just started bawling. What had I done? Why had I missed this opportunity to improve my 2020, just a little bit? Why had I missed this opportunity to get to know Mark and Ethan better? Everyone who had watched all of their videos could feel peace after the end, like Mark and Ethan. But I couldn’t. I could only forever regret my mistake. MY mistake.

Terrible things have happened this year, but all of them have been out of my control. This, however, was my fault. And I can never take it back. And I am having a very hard time handling that.

I don't know how many times I cried on Tuesday. The next song to come on after I watched the AMV was As the World Caves In by Matt Maltese which of course broke me even further. This song also perfectly encapsulated my dilemma. Later I finished my tribute drawing of the channel logo and felt the smallest bit better. The rest of the day is a blur.

Wednesday was better, I guess? I thought I had made it to the 5th stage: acceptance. I was still very sad and mad at myself but I was starting to realize that there was nothing I could do. I subscribed to Ethan’s channel and started getting to know him better. He’s so sweet and talented ☺️

But no, acceptance is still far away. Thursday and Friday were barely better than Tuesday. I painted my nails black and white as a way of coping. I went to a livestream on Ethan’s Twitch and it was really fun! I started watching more of his streams and on one of them he mentioned that his Twitch chat mods had TikToks. So I wondered if he also had a TikTok, which he does! I looked to see if he posted one on the day UA ended. The answer was no but he did post one the day after asking if someone with the skills required could make a mashup of the song Cancer by My Chemical Romance and As the World Caves In. https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJqgyrkR/ I was like wowie this guys got taste! And so I looked up if there was a mashup. As a matter of fact, there was one by Clem Turner on YouTube that came out only three days after the end of Unus Annus. https://youtu.be/a5RTVoreSAY I cannot express how much I love this, what it made me feel, and how much it hurt/helped. So I commented on Ethan’s TikTok about it and only a few hours later a new comment appeared on Clem’s video. Ethan had seen it! So I’m just gonna assume I was responsible for that... not only that but half of the comments on the mashup were about Unus Annus as you can see below. I realized how big of a following UA had and felt bad (because of course the people who had actually been with UA the whole way would be grieving a lot more than me), but also, comforted by the fact we could all connect over the loss of something important to them, if in a lot of different ways.

I’m far from getting over this. I’m far from being okay. I’ve never really felt like this before. I feel like a different person than I was last week. But I wanted to write all this down to let it out, process it a little bit, and maybe get some comfort from you guys. It’s completely understandable if you didn’t read this all the way through so...

TLDR: Memento Mori.

(This is the end of the Facebook post)

What I just described really shifted a lot of things in my head in a way I didn’t expect and in a very short amount of time. So, long story short, my Steven Universe hyperfixation ended very suddenly because of an outside factor and I probably won’t be posting a lot about it anymore. Hope you understand.

(art by me but I used the official UA logo as a reference)

[dumbkombuchakid]

I’m finding more and more that mindfulness and awareness play a massive role in everything. All the growth I’ve undergone has been rooted in cultivating those skills in myself. 

Getting curious instead of judgmental, asking questions and being objective, letting go of outcome and expectations. All of these things seem tiny and maybe insignificant on paper; but in practice have made all the difference for me.

This past Thursday, I met with my therapist (as I usually do on Thursdays) and she told me she was proud of me. I am so grateful for that feedback, for her helping to contribute to my awareness of myself. Awareness extends beyond the present moment, it encompasses patterns and trends and habits and intentions and consequences. It informs decisions and aids processing and understanding. Awareness is the key to it all.

She commended me for staying in wise-mind while telling her about a situation that was upsetting me. She noted that though I had the opportunity to allow my emotions to take control, to pull me into a spiral, I made a choice to remain in control. That’s not what I would’ve done a year ago. That might not even be what I would’ve done a few months ago. Her providing that feedback about my new patterns and trends, specifically my ability to abstain from following old, maladaptive patterns and trends, brought that new data into my awareness. It’s very difficult to be cognizant of your own patterns. It requires parallel processing of data about several versions of yourself in different but comparable situations across a timeline. That’s not a skill that comes naturally; that depth of data about each version of ourselves just isn’t stored. 

I am proud of myself. I’m proud of my ability to say that I’m proud of myself; proud of my capacity to believe that I’m proud of myself. For the larger majority of my life (I’m talkin 1st 19 years) I refused to allow pride to penetrate my consciousness. I grew up fearing that I’d slip into narcissism and lose who I was, instead developing into some spawn of my father; a figure I’d associated with all things self-centered and antisocial. Any shred of pride or self-esteem was too great a risk; I’d rather be humble and miserable but secure in my pro-social self-appraisal. I vividly remember the day I felt true self worth for the first time. It was in june, a month before I’d turn 20. That day came a few years after another significant (in hindsight) day when I began working with my current therapist. I fear I may accidentally catalog the past several years here for the sake of clarity and continuity, but the main takeaway point is that I’ve undergone immense growth, all a result of my own innervism.

Innervism is a term I’m borrowing from Elizabeth Lesser, the author of the book Cassandra Speaks. It refers to inward awareness and intentional growth. Tuning in to tune up. If not for facing the things about myself that I didn’t want to get true, I’d never have reached a point where I’m able to act with intention and display a self of whom I’m proud.

I’m far from perfect, and I’ve made a personal vow to never stop growing, learning, listening, and adapting. I will never reach my final form; there is always room for growth.

My point in writing right now is to address some of the cognitive behaviors I’ve noticed myself exhibit when in relationships. In the beginning, when things are wonderful and new and affection has a strong presence, I latch on. I start to fantasize about the future and how my life could play out with this other individual by my side, treating me the way they do at the beginning. 

This tendency to idealize based on that first impression, that best-behavior scenario, extends into the period when things begin to slip. When the negligence begins, when manipulative tactics begin being employed. When I am expected both to change myself and also to unilaterally accept the other’s lack of change. I am projected to grow into a mould that aligns with their current state, rather than the two of us developing into a new shape, together.

Internally, this is accompanied by a fear of communicating my feelings. A hesitation to go against the grain and a tendency to shrink and abide by these new terms of engagement. I get quiet and small and they become all powerful. I am aware of the red flags and harm and damage and yet I remain docile and strive for perfection in their eyes.

This is how I’ve always done it, it’s how I’ve been conditioned to behave in relationships. I’ve been conditioned to accept that A) there will be a power imbalance and B) it will not favor me.

I no longer accept that. Today I did something that past me would not have done. 

A few important things to note about the situation that allowed me to make this development are that:

1. my “picker” is getting pickier. I’ve always fallen into relationships with narcissists in the past, not because I chose them, but because they chose me and I only knew how to go along. This time, in my current relationship, I made a choice as much as they did. The quality of their character actually had a chance to play a role in deciding whether or not the relationship was worth pursuing.

2. I trust them. I trust that they care about me and want this to work. I trust that they want me to be happy and healthy and that they’re willing to grow.

We didn’t talk much today because he had a big day of doing things that I won’t get into, but then tonight when we did finally get to talk, we spent a long time discussing his day in depth and then never shifted to talking about me. Instead, he started multitasking and doing other things and talking and singing to himself. I told him if he wanted to do those things that was fine, but if we were going to be on the phone that I wanted to him to talk to me, to pay me attention. This didn’t actually turn a result, which hurt me.

Eventually, he got tired and said he was going to turn in, and wished me a goodnight. I said goodnight too, without my typical enthusiasm or affection, and he noticed that those were missing. Instead of asking why though, he simply told me to say it like I meant it, since he didn’t believe me. He has a tendency to make jokes when I’d really rather he be serious, and I’ve stopped laughing along and instead stay true to the tone I want to be received. I don’t want to diminish the weight and value my thoughts and feelings deserve. I’ve decided to not accept less than I deserve.

We hung up and I journaled a bit and felt myself getting worked up, and this is where I did a few things I’m proud of.

I called him back. He didn’t answer, so I recorded a snapchat video and told him how certain aspects of our conversation made me feel, and how I had realized that if I didn’t tell him then he’d have no way to know that those things had hurt and upset me.

This was honestly terrifying, and sending it (and not getting an immediate response) made me feel a whole other type of awful. 

I decided to set a timer for 15 minutes and meditate. During my meditation, I focused on a few things. I repeatedly reminded myself that I must let go of outcome; remind myself that I spoke only about my feelings and my feelings deserve to be heard. Silencing all the spiraling thoughts about the conversations that could follow was hard, and I noticed the colors in my awareness shift as more potential outcomes forced their way in. I repeated the mantra “I deserve love” to myself and focused hard on not allowing expectations or theories about what could or may happen in. Those things aren’t real, they’re imagined. I forced myself to choose to refrain from processing events until an event actually occurred.

15 minutes passed and I felt a little lighter. Part of me still really just wanted to cry, but then eventually I got a notification. He said he was sorry, that it was more of a mental hiccup than a true representation of how he feels.

I thanked him - intentionally rerouting from a typical path of saying “it’s okay” in response to an apology. I then wished him sweet dreams and told him we’d talk tomorrow, and I meant it.

It was uncomfortable, I’ll admit. It’s never fun to confront something that hurts you, especially when it’s something or someone that you don’t want to lose. During my meditation I had to remind myself that if someone doesn’t value my feelings or have respect for me, then they aren’t the person I should be with. That’s terrifying - holding people to a higher standard. Choosing to not accept less than what I deserve is something almost completely foreign to me and is fucking scary, but it’s also sort of exhilarating. The idea that mutual respect is now a requirement, that my partner needs to give a shit about me and express that through their behavior is something I deserve. I never used to think about myself as deserving anything - at least not anything good. But now? I put so much effort into who I am and how I treat others. I’m a good, kind, caring person. I know that I am because I do it on purpose. I think that qualifies me as deserving someone who treats me the same. 

It’s 5am now. My sleep schedule is off kilter in a big way. I’m going to finally stop and allow this day to end. I’ve already made a to-do list for tomorrow and I hope the day brings joy. I appreciate you reading what I have to write; it helps me to do this and I hope it helps you to read.

Goodnight and sweet dreams, remember that you deserve love.

[onf-headcanons]

ONF in Demon AU

A/N : Is clearing idea dumps from drafts, this would be the second version of modern AU 

Hi, does anyone remember the idea of illegitimate child of Satan from here and a random Lucifer!Hyojin moodboard here?

ALSO YOU TOTALLY CAN IMAGINE THIS IN A REVERSE WAY, ANGEL AU (where reader is a reincarnation version fragment of Archangel but this one idea dump/establishment will be done for another day)

ALSO you can totally imagine it as deity AU, example that you are Zeus reincarnation but you awaken late and you need to stop Kronos for his rampage. Or even you are Odin and you need to stop Modern version Ragnarok this time. And ONF members could be tie with other Greek/Roman gods. This one will be fun should OH MY GIRL and B1A4 are tied in too. Its just idea I am not sure if I will expand this. But discussions are welcome

(There is no harm to think it as late Victorian or any other era you like, it is just I felt it is better to write in a familiar timeline as I dont want to do something wrong)

So below are just a few establishment for the AU, I am not gonna divide this into 2 scenarios so warning this is going to be long post.

Ok even though I did mentioned illegitimate or forgotten child. This is plausible for your family comes from bloodline that related to demonXhuman ancestors.

Also it truly depends on you. Making into a throne inheritance war or

Reader come of age and their soul are reincarnated royal demon (not neccesary Satan) so there are some demons/demoness guarding you from you are still a child (kinda like those 2 characters from Good omens or Maleficent)

for the above idea, readers magical heritage only awaken once they pass a certain birthday 16, 18 or 20 or 21, up to you. So you suddenly can see mythical creatures.

It could be your bloodline awakened but you are not that qualified to ascend throne or because of your human blood you cannot hide yourself from angel/demon hunter so you have your own demon guardians

Lets say you are imagining on something big world building, again derived from the establishment for familiar au, it is definitely plausible for you to have other "candidates" and they have their demonic godparents/guardians as well

Example, should you go for inheritance war type, maybe you have a distant related sibling(s). It will be fun if you, have ONF members as your guardians while your sibling(s) have other kpop groups. Presumably to name, Dreamcatcher, ONEUS, ATEEZ, PENTAGON or ASTRO... in short its totally flexible.

To add, (and this is an idea i use to draft for fake pilot episode for a homework I worked), you could tally idols and number of idols you wanna integrate into the story to "Lesser Ley of Solomon", linking your bloodline towith King Solomon (*disclaimer, loosely based mythically). 72 demons, how many demons for 1 person is totally depend on you. Whether number of demons/demoness one have on their side equals to their power/ability (or even how many support they obtain) is up to you.

(and disclaimer I am not Christian this is just an idea dump so dont start cultural bashing. again this ia just an idea dump and I am not planning to touch sensitive issues yet.)

Ok enough world building, lets move to story wise.

You could be growing in orphanage it adds more mystery of your bloodline/heritage or similar to the familiar au, living with your family but your family later died on accident. Your parents bloodline combine making you are the perfect vessel for the reincarnation or maybe its a tradition like every 100 hundred years you will reincarnate or something. Again its flexible.

The moment you realize you are seeing things was you noticed similar aura of each person appeared on similar day. You might not get to see who is watching before you actually confronted to the air that you will contact the police

You might really go file a report but after several times the police be like dear there is no a single soul stalking you tho

then out of depressed, you accidentally get yourself into accident and your demon guardian shows up.

Or, because you started to able to see mythical creatures. Mythical creatures starts to notice your existence as well. And that somewhat gives off your location to other candidates through gossiping (should this is inheritance war type of story). Then your guardian show up to protect you when you are attacked by rival sibling’s demons.

Could be you visited some witch to get your ability to see mythical creatures covered up? Recommended by a friendly non related sibling or a friend you made/could be angel?

You thought you only got one but it surprised  you that you actually got 7 (later 6)

As this was different from summoning because they are guardians either assigned or volunteered. There is no need for you to provide them anything. And different from familiar au, there is no need to leave them in your home. To ensure your safety they must follow you 247

For now I would be thinking our boys actually guards you in a daily shift. Example, Hyojin on Monday, Changyoon on Tuesday, Seungjun on Wednesday, Jaeyoung on Thursday, Minkyun on Friday, Yuto on Saturday, Minseok on Sunday. (after Minseok departs, the other members rotate themselves to do the Sunday shift)

Since their shift are like that, you sometimes take chance to hangout with them. Eating out with Hyojin, Arcades with Yuto. mostly happens Sunday.

I am thinking it might be fun which your predecessors of the throne are very eager to get the throne, you are just trying to keep out of trouble. So in another way, demon ONFs get to experience the modern human world in a more chill way, it was not just guarding you, but also trying to experience human world. You could like summon them?/keep them by your side just like a normal sibling (Especially if you are the type that grow up alone without any siblings)'

Cues in ONF members actually understand your preference and remembers them very well. So you could not help relying on them as days pass by.

You are defo gonna get an ultimate rival and a friend that shares the same circumstances as you. Maybe the first rival sibling ends up being your friend after they know you are not intending to compete. But there are some rivals are more aggressive out there.

Could be you knew a few demon hunters but they know you meant no harm and then they just let you go

It will be more fun if existences of your kind triggers inner civil war between demon hunters/angels. Because there is also some distant “siblings” of yours wish to live their live quietly but some parties does not agree of letting your kind roaming free and feeling the bloodline must end.

Should you are the type to compete for your birthright (because you are too irritated of people keep coming to kill you non stop). They are happy to serve you till the end as you embracing your darker side. (Well I am not sure to give ONF members and reader loveline here so I will not talk about it for now)For this version, to explain Minseok’s departure , I would prefer that Minseok is back at hell to be your team’s spy, monitoring all political moves and changes.There are still bottom line morality, you are not really slaughtering your way through. But you do make sure the other party wont come to look for trouble anymore.They are going to train you to make sure you are ready. Fighting in physical and magic.That friendly sibling joins on training you too. 

You are definitely getting strict critiques from Hyojin and Seungjun during the beginning of your training.

My preferences, you get a friendly sibling(s) where their demon guardians end up being BFF with yours. (RTK and MIXNINE side effect, sorry)

Characterization should be the same as those I have established from the familiar au. Just the world building and some settings that are slightly different.

Hyojin is to keep the trait of his preference on human food

Changyoon is to keep his nagging trait 

Seungjun might help you with studies (not solidify him as a nerd but there is tendency that he will)

Jaeyoung is more to the body guard type

Minkyun defo gonna make friends with stray animals (either you house ends up becoming pet shelter, you becoming a foster mom for animals or you cannot keep any because you are allergic but mental supporting Minkyun is up to you)

Yuto definitely is the quiet but alert type same goes with Minseok

My preference stereotype for them would be the cinnamon rolls that would kill

Sometimes they might go.. “ I am a known demon back in hell but why I am doing this babysitting shit?” 

But then ends up enjoying stuffs human does lol

Changyoon enjoying TikTok lol, they got famous because of their contents. 

Defo gonna have movie night.

It will be funny if ONFs as demons themselves, got scared at the monsters/ghosts seen in horror movies. Bonus if you actually not scared of horror movies. And they are gonna question you out of disbelief like why the hell are you not scared? How can you not even flinch a single bit?

Reason : monsters and ghosts imagined by human beings do not look the same based on their knowledge.

They sometimes show themselves to other humans but rarely. Mostly just being the unseen follower behind you.

Cues in sometimes they forgot they are invisible, and picks up something from the mart and it gave people a fright. Example, Changyoon or Minkyun passes through a nice outfit and just took the hanged outfit out to place in front of himself, only to realise what he did after looking into a mirror nearby

Hmm my thoughts, Jaeyoung and Minseok would be the ones who would always their visiblity when you are out with them.

Hyojin and Changyoon would be the ones who prefer to keep their invisibility

Copying from familiar au, should you attend college or university, people might thought some members of demon!ONF are your boyfriend.

At first when they changed pattern starts to live close to you, they could  not get the concepts of moral of human being well. You will be guiding them. 

Could happen that you are so pissed off by someone at work and you could not help but ranting when you are at home. 

(Of course the demon!ONF on that day saw what happened but you did insist on them to not do anything)

They might go like : “ Should I kill them for you?”

You : “What?”

Random ONF member : “I can do it to make look like an accident you know.”

You : “OMG NO”

You : “You know maybe you can try to mend things when they are trying to frame me on purpose.”

Random ONF member : “Gotcha”

For the you are not competing scenario, they would be always keeping you safe from harm until you died. Should you get married, you let them participated as relatives/friends. Cues in they even help you take care of your child later on. It could be even fun if you child does not inherit bloodline but they can see ONF members

I will stop here will write another post should i have more ideas to add.

Welp of course for a third option scenario, would be you being a supporter the friendly sibling of yours. You just wanna stay safe so you acted like an advisor role for that candidate, helping them to gain power but not participating directly. Like I said its flexible

For this one I would like to write it as you are just trying to chill with your quiet life but demon hunter, angels and aggressive candidates keeping coming at you.

Also for this one I would link to the point of unfavorable and forgotten child part.

Less favourable child gets assigned with less powerful or less aggressive demons

So for this story ONF aren't high class fighter demons at all. But they do excel in magics.

In opposite, you could the one who knows how to fight maybe because you are quite rebellious in personality.

The moment you found out there 3 parties wanna kill you and innocent less aggressive candidates, you snapped.

Maybe some candidates heard of your friendly sibling name and they rushed over to seek help. End up bump into you instead.

You : what kind of dad is *your biological demon dad name*?"

Cues in Demon ONF keep calming you down because they are afraid that rumours of you belittling your demon father might make their king angry

But you have your attitude and no shit is given. Because you understand that your life your destiny is in your own hands.

You : I wanted a peaceful life alone but now I have to deal with Angels, hunters and a bunch of siblings that I never met , never knew about each other, who all wants me dead.

You : its not fair.

To end it once and for all, you suggested to the friendly sibling to find other candidates that do not have any intentions to compete for throne. Form allies with them so that later own they could get votes for the throne and the rest of the gang could get a decorative chill title while living a peaceful life

Also suggested to the sibling of yours make use of the allies to protect less aggressive candidates

It worked politically. As most of the candidates work on slaughtering others to cut secure birthright, your ideal and policy of strengthen inner then tackle threat gain more favour. Finally your sibling gets the throne.

And you and your other members of allies might get duke duchess or something

This version of story would have and need slot of mind games. Political games as well. (Will be interesting to write but there will waaaaaay too much characters to take note.)

[ohsugarfoot]

"Quiet me" from the drabble prompt, if you want!

((Referencing this tag game here. @indecentpause is the main author of The Most Beautiful Puzzle, which is where these characters are from! I'm sort of the co-creator/editor.

Timeline wise, this happens a few years ago! Also, this was finished, I was just waiting until it felt right to post it so now's a good time I guess.))

((cw: emotional meltdown, self harm(hitting self), bruises))

You whirl around the corner and finally find Josselin coming out of the counselor's office.

"I've been looking all over for you!" you exclaim.

"I've decided to drop out," he says, shifting his bag to move the strap more across his chest. His hands come up to hold the strap, almost as if to shield himself from you. "College isn't for me."

"Is that why you've been avoiding me recently?"

A hush falls over the office. Josselin sighs, shifting his weight between his feet. "Can we talk somewhere privately?"

You end in the next building, sitting side by side outside of a random classroom.

The silence gulfs between you.

Josselin reaches into his bag and takes out a yarn square, threading his fingers through the holes. It isn't a stim toy you've ever seen him use before.

"Talk to me?" you finally half ask, half demand.

He sighs. And the silence continues.

You want to reach out and touch him. You want to hold his hand, to rest your head against his too-bony shoulder. You want to hear his voice, to hear him chatter about anything and everything. You want to banter with him, and play chess, and playfully argue about the best video game made.

You want him to stop avoiding you, most of all.

He brings his knees up to his chest, the square interlocked around both hands, his face mostly covered. "I'm no good at this," he mutters to his jean-clad legs.

You scoot and turn closer, barely able to hear him. He smells of sandalwood and skin, maybe a touch of lavender.

It's comforting, in a quiet way.

"Can you try?" you ask.

Josselin sighs.

"I..." he pauses and shakes his head. His fingers move against the cloth, frantically tapping and squeezing.

When he finally restarts, his voice is soft but steady. He faces forward, back against the wall, talking more to the opposite wall than to you.

"So, my mom was a single mom. And it was just us, until... until it wasn't. And then I got bounced between okay foster homes and awful foster homes until I technically ran away. I've never stayed in the same place for long. And... and I'm telling you this because, well, I don't have a lot of friends. Any friends, really. Most people just tolerate me."

You reach out and gently touch his upper arm. Josselin shrugs it off, and you pull away, your chest hurting for both his words and the rebuttal.

"I'm telling you this," he continues, "because I've noticed that I end up crushing on people who even remotely show me any sort of attention. It's not the first time, it won't be the last. And... and... the feelings do fade after a while. If I stay away from the person. So. That's why I've been avoiding you."

You breathe for the first time in what feels like minutes. "Really? You have a crush on me?"

He draws into himself more. "Please don't make fun of me."

"I would never."

He huffs, shaking his head slightly.

"I promise, I would never."

"No!" His raised voice shocks you, echoing through the hallway. "No promises!"

You swallow, then breathe. Obviously a sensitive subject. "Okay," you say softly. "I won't."

Josselin brings his hands up, still tangled in the cloth, to his head. His wrists thump against his head, a little too hard, and before you can stop yourself, you place a hand over where the strikes seem to land. It doesn't stop his hands, but they do slow slightly. You can feel him shaking, rocking side to side slightly.

"S-sorry," he stammers out. "I-I'm... it's too much. Everything."

"What helps?"

He doesn't answer for a while, rocking and thumping, his head shaking, and you're about to ask again, since you're not even sure if he heard you. Should you even be touching him? Are you making it worse? But he hasn't exactly pushed you away again either. Finally though, Josselin says, "Talking."

"Okay. Okay. Well, I'm good at talking. I can talk your ear off, make you look like Vincent Van Gogh." There's a small delay, but you swear you see the smallest of smiles play over his lips. Taking that as a good sign, even as his hands continue to hit against yours, you continue. "I can do the paintings, you can look the part. We can go to Paris, and drink coffee, and pretend to smoke cigarettes, and wear scarves and berets, you know, like the cool artists do. Well, I'm not so good at painting, but I'm sure we can pretend. You know, me dazzling them with my awful jokes, you distracting them with Zelda facts."

That causes him to huff out the tiniest bit of laughter. You continue. "And then when we are done scamming all of Paris, we can take ourselves to the countryside, and we can build little Hobbit homes, and live off the land for a bit. And when it gets boring, or it gets too cold, we can vacation somewhere else, like, I don't know, Mordor, I guess. We can dip our feet in the lava of Mount Doom like hot springs."

Josselin shakes his head, smiling a bit more. "That makes no sense!"

"No, it doesn't!" You laugh. "We would definitely go to Hyrule instead, and we can scam the villagers there with our artwork. I wonder what the conversion rate is between a franc and a rupee. But anyway-"

"Euro."

"What?"

"France uses euros now."

"Conversion rates between a rupee and an euro then. Because if it's good enough, we can totally make bank, and maybe build a castle somewhere. And we can invite anyone we want. Well, except Browser, unless he prom... Uh, says he won't wreck the castle."

And so you continue to weave together a small story, pulling together every video game and pop culture reference you could think of. Josselin's hands continue to thump against yours, but not as hard, not as fast, his breathing slowing down to a more normal pattern, his shaking subsiding to more of a gentle rocking motion. Anything Zelda related is a hit, and most Nintendo games, but not any other console. Forget about any current tv shows or movies, he has no idea about those. And you don't remember anything other than a name or two from the few anime he's shown you from the last few weeks.

But your words, the silly stories of you vacationing and scamming people across the worlds, they seem to help. And he continues to respond to you, occasionally correcting your pronunciation or a wrong detail. You even get him laughing sometimes, and you laugh with him.

Eventually, slowly, Josselin calms down, his fingers still through what you now recognize as a crocheted granny square, and now they're interlocked over yours on the top of his head.

And you could sit there forever, talking with him, but the linoleum floor is unyielding under you, and your leg has fallen asleep over the last twenty minutes or so. So you shift slightly, and the spell breaks.

"Sorry," he says, taking his hands off yours, his arms dropping to his lap, his legs straightening. You curl back into yourself, shifting away so your back is against the cold wall.

And again you're sitting side by side outside of the classroom.

"Thank you." His toes are tapping together, the repetitive sounds echoing down down the hallway, folding over themselves. "You... that helped. Thank you."

"Any time," you say, meaning it with every fiber of your being.

He sighs in response. And then softly, "Frankie?"

"Yeah?"

"I noticed that you... said a lot of 'we' when you were talking."

"I... well, there was a reason why I was looking for you." You turn to watch his face, or what you can see of it with his hair still loose, his head tilted down. "I was going to ask you out on a date."

"What!?"

"Yeah. The art museum has a few free hours on Thursdays and I thought it would be nice to go and walk around. And then we could get something to eat after?" Josselin is quiet next to you, his hands tugging on the square, so you add, "I've noticed you and food are... complicated. So you can pick the restaurant. Or snacks. But yeah. I wanted to ask you out."

Finally, his voice small, "You like me?"

"Yeah?"

"No joke?"

"None at all."

He sits on that information for a few moments. You shift again, crossing your legs as you move to sit in front of him. "I think you're cute! And funny, and smart! So smart." You don't know what's okay to touch, because if it was anyone else you might've brushed his hair back or move in closer. Instead you hover your hand near his. "And I think it'll be fun."

Josselin disentangles one hand from the square and takes yours instead.

"I bruised you," he says, his hand holding yours, turning it over to see the blues and blacks already forming on the back of your hand.

"Better than you bruising you," you say.

He stills, then pulls his hands away from yours. "I'm nothing but a burden."

"Not to the right person," you say. "Not to me."

"You barely know me."

"I know you well enough."

Josselin sighs.

You continue before he has another chance. "Look, if it doesn't work out it doesn't work out. But when... if it does, then we've had ourselves a good time. But we won't know unless we try."

He takes in a deep breath, then lets it back out again, then says, "Okay. Okay." Something sparks in your chest and you smile as he continues with, "So what does that make us?"

"Hopefully free Thursday night," you quip.

Josselin laughs.

[segenassefa]

3. A Semi-Original List of Things To Do During Quarantine

Niggas all over the timelines are baking banana bread, doing headstands, and making Tik Toks. Yeah it was fun the first few weeks – but now we’re almost four months deep into quarantine and the gworls need some change! A bit of variety. Some pizazz, if you will.

Well, fear not!

I am here to help (as per usual). Digging into the depths of my chicken breast-like brain has been hard, but I’ve done it to compile a list of things to try now that quarantine is dragging along. Some of these you’ve definitely heard before (but they were so good, it was worth mentioning again), some of these you may have considered but never really saw the value in, and some of these seem like I pulled them out of my ass, but I promise, they’re a fun time and definitely worth the try.

Take up a new workout routine now that gyms will probably cease to exist.

I can’t even speak on this one (my record this quarantine has been four days without leaving my bed), but health comes in different forms. Even back in the early stages, one of my favourite things to do was get a coffee and aimlessly walk around downtown – it got me out of the house, it didn’t feel like exercise, and was an excuse to take advantage of the warm weather. Exercise is both important for physical as well as mental health, as cited by a million and one studies, and can break up the monotonous cycles of online shopping, self-loathing, and eating that everyone seems to be trapped in these days. Your options, however, go beyond yoga and walking. Buy some weights or use one of the jars of canned tomatoes you have sitting your pantry (…) and do a weight routine. Go for a run. Climb some stairs. Bring back step aerobics like the bad bitches from the 80s. Ride a bike (Queen’s Quay is really nice, and pretty empty on the weekdays). The other benefit to establishing a good routine now is that you can carry it out through the winter. Maybe not the bike riding part, but you get my point.

Socialize (safely).

           I never understood the obsession with patios until I went to El Jefe a few weeks ago, and it got me thinking about how fun that actually must be when everyone isn’t terrified of getting a virus from the person eating chips and guac two tables over. But! There are alternatives! I know you don’t believe me but there are! Toronto has more parks and green spaces than you’d think, and now is the perfect time to take advantage of them. Connect with nature, friends, and socializing in an environmentally friendly space (throw those White Claw cans in the trash, please) and you and your friends will literally be the peak of ecofeminism. If you’re tired of wearing your crop tops and lashes to the grocery store, picnics and beach days also give you a reason to look cute in public again (and with a mask, you don’t even have to put foundation on the bottom half of your face. #win). Some of my favourite places include Trinity-Bellwood Park and Woodbine Beach. If you have a car (or a lot of patience) Scarborough Bluffs is also definitely worth the commute. I think it’s a game changer that “going out” now means sitting in the grass making small talk, instead of getting hammered in some dark, damp club, but maybe it’s also improvement.

Clear out the clutter that you always tell yourself you’re too busy for.

           I know you see it, bitch. That box of clothes overflowing in the back of your closets. Or the basket of random hair ties, scraps of paper, and pen caps on your shelf. What about when you open social media – Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, whatever – a see all these random people on your feed that you don’t remember following, much less ever meeting in real life. Quarantine has forced us to retreat to our own spaces, physically, mentally and emotionally, and now more than ever is the best time to reflect and take inventory of what brings you joy and (God forbid we’re in this situation again) what you’d be ok with surrounding yourself with 24/7. It may be hard – times of crisis especially encourage a scarcity mindset instead of an abundance one – but it doesn’t hurt to try and reframe your thinking!

The 3 Restaurant Rule

If you’re anything like me, then you love Uber Eats. Since this virus has stripped the joy of going out to eat from my small and soft hands, we’ve had to find ways to work around this. One of these compromises has been Uber Eats. But that, much like anything else in life, can soon get repetitive (and niggas were clowning me for actually enjoying Swiss Chalet. Fuck y’all.) So, I established some ground rules, one of which being the three-restaurant rule. Do I follow it all the time? No. But knowing that it exists had made trying new foods more like a game. Here’s what you do:

1.     First, pick a type of cuisine (I’m partial to sushi, so we’re going to use that for this example).

2.     Next, really study Uber Eats. Find the best restaurants in your area specializing in that kind of food and pick three restaurants that look the best to you. Another alternative (especially if you’re lucky enough to live downtown where a majority of restaurants are doing take out) would be to curate a list of places on Yelp! I loved doing this when outside was open – it made eating out feel a bit more purposeful, almost like it was for research).

3.     Then, keep a lil list – on your phone, on paper, in your camera roll - wherever. When you’re not in the mood to cook, consult the list, and don’t pick a restaurant twice in a row. Start building up a list of places that you can say you’ve tried. Keep tabs on how you felt about the food to compare it to in-person dining when restaurants re-open, or make it an event with friends. Dress up, get together, crack a bottle of wine (or some beers, or sake, ya know – whatever floats your boat) and make it an event.

The other upside to this is now when people ask me for recommendations, I can give them with confidence instead of bullshitting like I would have before (sorry y’all LOL).

Learn how to do your own personal upkeep.

           It would probably take me ten hands and feet to count the number of videos I’ve seen of nail salons throwing customers out for being black or on the prejudice of race and/or class, or the number of hair salons and stylists who charge extra fees for thickness, length (or lack thereof), or for specific styles and modifications, etc. If you knew me, you know I was devoted to my nail salon. I loved the feeling of getting a full set of acrylics, having all the work done for me, the little burn on my cuticles when they’d slide my hands under the UV light. But in quarantine, a lot of things happened – nail salons closed, I became unemployed, and suddenly, $60 manicures every two weeks were not realistic. YouTube has so many videos on how to do basic self-care - things like cutting or dyeing or braiding your own hair, doing your own nails (whether it be acrylic, gel, even a basic polish manicure), doing your own eyebrows – the possibilities are all there. And, if you get good enough – you can always go ahead and make it your own side hustle (with salons operating at half capacity, the demand for people that do house calls is rapidly increasing). I’ve recently swapped my acrylics for press on nails and let me tell you – game changer. They last just as long, look just as good, and allow me the freedom of talon-like nails without having my bank account scream at me (a post on how I do my faux-acrylics at home coming soon!)

Try to watch something that isn’t reality television.

I know 90 Day Fiancee is that GIRL. And if you’re like me, you tend to get very sucked into YouTuber mukbang drama as well (if anyone wants to discuss Nikocado Avocado with me, I am more than willing). But after a while, it gets kind of repetitive, and there’s no harm in educating yourself on other topics. Netflix, Amazon Prime Video, Hulu, even YouTube all have so many documentaries on a variety of topics – from crime, to health, to cults – there’s literally something for everyone. Plus, there’s something really self-satisfying about learning something on your own. If you need a place to start, my personal favourite is Bikram (Netflix) and any of the Vice documentaries on YouTube, but there are so many, so browse around and find one that suits your personal taste.

           There are also many documentaries on environmentalism and the Black existence/experience/life in America and globally. Considering all the things that are going on right now, it would be wise to educate oneself, especially when the tools for doing so are a few clicks away. My personal favourites are 13 and Who Shot the Sherriff, but there’s so many that you don’t have an excuse not to at least learn SOMETHING.

Severe ties and blame it on the pandemic.

This one is pretty self-explanatory. Maybe there’s the persistent wanna-be friend who you tried to avoid in your Thursday 11-1 lecture and would incessantly text you for notes. Or the creepy guy who would always be in your study spot in Deerfield and message you after with the dumbass eye emojis. Maybe it’s that one friend you used to call to console you of your issues, but by the end of the chat you felt more unnerved than understood. Whomever it is, don’t be afraid to stray away a bit and use the excuse of social distance or “getting your head together” to gradually give yourself some space and make things a bit obvious without having to be a total asshole. It can help, tbh, and the last thing you need in a time like this is to feel guilty for someone else’s feelings.

Be ok with doing nothing.

Life is always on some go,go,go shit. With people posting all those fucking memes about hustling or whatever, it can be easy to feel like you’re sitting in quarantine wasting your life away because you haven’t joined Forex, or OnlyFans, or started three side businesses, or taught yourself a new language or whatever. But listen – look at quarantine like a break. You had a nice long break to re-cooperate and self-indulge a lil bit and you know what? That’s ok! You’re not less of a person because you chose to rest or hang out in bed more than you should have. Don’t let other people’s progress (or lack thereof) be a measure of your own. How can you expect to bounce back after a GLOBAL PANDEMIC if you spent the entire time beating yourself up for not living up to other people’s idea of success? …Exactly. This list is just for fun and personal growth, but realistically, quarantine is for doing whatever the fuck you want (safely and sanely, of course), but literally look at this time off as God, Allah, Buddha, whomever, pumping the brakes on what is a normally hectic life. Slow down, enjoy the small things (ALL the small things), and allow yourself to be what you are – a human being, not a fucking machine.

[doyouneedtorant]

june 23, 2020 1:22

Somehow, 2020 has so far been one of the better years of my life. It’s weird to think about because when I found out this pandemic had come to the United States, I was destroyed. Not only did I have to leave campus, but all my club events were cancelled, my summer plans -- 1.) an alternative summer break to help children and adults with autism, 2.) a geology course in the beautiful mountains of Jacksonhole, Wyoming -- had vanished in front of my eyes, the boy I had started to fall for was going to be 2,000 miles away from me, and I had to be in my stressful household. Now, in the greater scheme of things, my stresses and worries were miniscule. I was sad that I couldn’t get fucked up with my friends at the APO Banquet, while thousands of people were dying from a virus with no cure. It’s not that my feelings were not valid; they just were...selfish? I don’t know how else to put it. I was really in my own world for the entire month of March, wondering what I did to deserve this in my timeline. But really, I think for that reason, 2020 is going to be one of my favorites. It was that kind of inward thinking and self-pitying that made me wonder what else I treated like that. And apparently, it was a lot. I began to realize that I played the victim a lot more than I needed to or deserved to. I hadn’t been understanding of my friends and other peoples’ situations. I realized that I prioritized the wrong things over others -- my romantic life over my platonic one, the opinion of my peers and family over my own, drinking until 3:00am on a Thursday night before over actually waking up for my mandatory 10:00am discussion. 

I started looking back and I noticed all the times that people called me out on my shit and told me I was being a crappy person. And yet, despite all the things I had claimed I was working on, none had been touched, let alone “worked on”. I started to really think about all the negative traits I had adopted, both recent and over time. (Interestingly enough, it wasn’t hard to figure that out because over the years, I had developed a list of traits I didn’t like about myself. I’m not talking physical, but emotional and mental -- how I treated other people and why I treated them the way I did. Now, there were some positive characteristics that made the list, but really, compared to all the bad, they didn’t hold up very well.) So, with all this in mind, I looked in the mirror and said, “You cannot be pulling this shit at twenty years old. You are not a child. You are becoming an adult and you cannot be like this forever.” 

This quarantine has taught me that you can overcome bad traits, or at least begin the process with small steps: actively listening, talking less about yourself, not pushing or shoving into people’s lives, doing things for the right reasons, apologizing when you are at fault, becoming a zealot for something you care about. My problems and flaws are specific to me, but I hope that everyone else has taken this time to be reflective as well. Because now, I think the universe is pushing the right things in my direction. I have been putting in the work and studying for the GRE and I think that my score is going to turn out well in the fall. I had a zoom meeting with the graduate director of the geography department at Syracuse University to discuss the masters program and despite the 6.6% acceptance rate, I might actually have a shot. I have fallen so deeply for a kind boy who actually likes me just as much as I like him. A path is being paved for me and I do not believe it is an accident. I took a look at myself and I said that I needed to be better, and I am trying my hardest every day to be. 

2020 has been like a bonus Saw movie and nobody knows how to handle the social, political, educational, economic, or mental damage. It is up to us as individuals to at least do ourselves a favor and work on ourselves and do the proper upkeep we deserve. I think that’s why I like 2020 so much. Every priority or task I had was temporarily removed from my life and when I tried to find everything I lost, the universe was there, holding up a sign that said “Use this time wisely.” So please, use this time wisely.

And for God’s sake, wear your masks. 

[arctimon]

(Going to do something a bit different here on Tumblr.  I’m going to post the link, but I’m also going to put the text in full here, just for the people who don’t want to go to DevArt for whatever reason.  Just trying it out and subject to change.)

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So, we finally have some news about Big Hero 6. There's one episode premiering on December 7th, and the rest will, according to Bob Schooley, be shown some time in February. It sucks because we'll be waiting another three months for the arc to end, but that's another journal for another time.

The episode on Dec. 7th is called “The Present”, and the episode description is as follows:

When Hiro finds a wrapped present in the closet, he assumes it's from Aunt Cass and take it in order to figure out what it is; after a mix-up with Fred, the present is lost.

Over on Tumblr I ran into Ficsinhistory, who had some ideas about what she thinks the episode is going to be. I don't want to feel like I'm just piggybacking off of her entry, so I'm just going to give her proper credit her just in case.

OK? Here we go.

First of all, even though it's airing on the same day as the Big City Green's Christmas episode...nowhere is it mentioned that it's a Christmas episode.

And you're probably thinking “Jason, of course it is.”

...Is it, though?

(Yes, it is, but humor this old man for a bit.)

Because timeline wise, that doesn't make any sense, unless it's a special episode that has nothing to do with the plot.

Keep in mind that Season 1 took place in Hiro's first semester. The movie, if screenshots are any indication, took place in that summer. Granted, I don't know how fictional tech institutes split up their semesters, but if it's anything like real ones, they have two main ones: spring and fall.

“Obake Yashiki” explicitly takes place on Halloween. A few episodes earlier, we got introduced to Liv Amara and the whole Orso Knox situation. “Prey Date” specifically states that Liv has been giving the same canned time frame for when they're going to make a breakthrough on his condition, and that was two months ago. Even if you do the bare minimum of that, and take the other episodes of Season 1 into account...we're already past Christmas at this point.

So we really have two possibilities.

One, it is a Christmas episode, and it takes place between seasons and has nothing to do with the current Chief Cruz plot.

Or two, it's not a Christmas episode, but merely a regular one disguised as a Christmas episode. Because when do you also get wrapped presents?

On your birthday.

Not that I put too much stock into this theory, but if I’m not mistaken, we don’t know when Hiro’s birthday is. The internet seems to say it’s June 3rd, but I’m not sure if that’s been officially corroborated. Also fifteen is somewhat of an odd age to be given a present locked away or whatever.

Personally (and you can be done with humoring me), I think it’s something that Tadashi got for him for getting into SFIT, and obviously never got to give him personally, so Cass hid it away until whenever. I know that others have theorized that it could be a gift from possible Aunt Cass herself, which I suppose is possible. Still others have said it may be from Karmi, and as much as I would love for that to be the case, that is the most unlikely one of all. We haven’t had a single mention of Karmi in the second arc; I highly doubt we’re going to get our first one in this one.

...Although that would be killer.

I also don’t think this episode is going to have anything to do with the overall plot; it’ll just be a Breather Episode until the other ones air.

Speaking of which…

Disney TVA news (the unofficial fan-run Disney account) surmises that the “bomb” release of episodes will probably continue, and I would agree. After “The Present”, we have seven episodes left, and the account graciously reminded me (because I’m old and forgetful) that the season will end in a three-part finale, just like Season 1.

They could theoretically burn those off in a week. Four episodes during the first part of the week (one per Monday – Thursday) and then air the finale in its entirety on Friday. I still believe that the “bomb” release is not a good way to do things, but this is one of the singular ways that this makes sense. We’ll probably get episode titles sometime in January, and we can all start theorizing then as to if/when Karmi will be coming back.

Or maybe that’ll just be me.

They could also theoretically air them on a weekly basis all throughout the month of February (one per week, and the finale at the end of the month). That would be a nice change of pace from the other episodes…

And possibly open up the idea for a Valentine’s Day episode starring you know who.

Very unlikely (for both), but I can dream, right?

In terms of a writing update, I have four more chapter to go for Along Came The S.P.I.D.E.R., so it will finish right before “The Present” comes out. I do already have an idea for that episode story, so be on the lookout for that.

As for after that...I’m not sure. February is a very odd timing because I don’t think I could come out with another full story before the episodes drop, and I’m sort of hesitant to start something that I know I would put on hiatus while writing Continuity, Part 3.

Oh, and the next story’s starring Robbie and Go Go. You’ve probably noticed that Robbie’s missing what makes him the Ghost Rider of the comics. Trust me, that’ll be fixed soon.

See you on Friday, everyone. Until next time.