#this falls under transmisogyny! we can acknowledge and understand that

[anastacialy]

i do not know how to explain to people that "transmisogyny" is the specific transphobia that trans women + transfems face (often but not exclusively at the hands of cis people), and "transandrophobia" is the specific transphobia that trans men + mascs face (often but not exclusively at the hands of cis people), and that they all come together under the umbrella of "transphobia." these are not opposing concepts nor are they mutually exclusive, to believe in one does not mean non-belief in the other. is there a simpler way of phrasing this. can i be clearer.

[rollercoasterwords]

(this is from marxismlupinism btw just sending an anon cause still shadowbanned + dont want my r/s blog tied to my main blog anyway)

lmao if only my followers were your followers literally idk why my anons r so mad im just stating the established party line of the blog they chose to follow...

literally every online community ive been in youve been able to say you think the community has XYZ problem and people could discuss the problem and suggest solutions honestly baffling that peoples response to someone saying the hp fandom is transphobic is to go "no it's not" instead of, idk, either trying to make it less transphobic if you think it's salvageable or leaving it if you think it's unsalvageable. the only communities ik that would respond to an accusation of transphobia w denial rather than taking trans people's concerns seriously are, well, actually overtly explicitly transphobic communities lol... and the people claiming they "engage critically" are very clearly not if their response to criticism of the hp fandom is to be defensive—if you engage critically with something that means taking seriously good faith criticism of the thing you engage critically with. like i "engaged critically" w hp/rs for the past 2.5 years and i have never ever gotten defensive at someone criticising hp or its fandom (esp since like... almost all the people criticising hp or its fandom are trans and im not gonna go harass another trans person for being understandably upset at ppl engaging w transphobic media lol).

hp fans (including tme trans hp fans—and, btw, we're well aware there are some transmasculine hp fans, the rest of the trans community just think they suck and are losers lol and i can't imagine that the transmasc hp fans aren't aware of this fact unless they just dont interact w other trans people outside the hp fandom at all) will criticise hp and jkr while believing that the hp fandom itself is above criticism. this does the dual work of distancing themselves from harry potter/jkr, which even they cannot defend/pretend is not bad, while also absolving themselves of all responsibility for any transphobia & transmisogyny they perpetuate or engage in. it's honestly a deeply immature way of engaging with media as well as one that logically falls apart under any scrutiny—firstly, if you accept that hp and its author are deeply bigoted, isn't it just logical that its fanbase would share the politics of the source media? secondly, this is just empirically false lol. there didnt always used to be basically no trans women in the hp fandom—i myself used to be friends with several back in the old days—but most transfems left the fandom in 2020–2021 bc of jkr's increasing transmisogyny. and speak to any of the transfems who did leave at that time and they can tell you their firsthand experiences. like, i really dunno how you can claim the hp fandom isnt transmisogynistic without just outright saying that you think most trans women are crazy and making shit up when they say they dont want anything to do with hp or its fans.

anyway ill stop writing essays in ur inbox now rae xoxo love ya have a nice day!

hi laura <3 yeah truly i think it is so weird that someone would choose 2 follow a blog on tumblr.com which clearly states "i don't like hp/hp fandom" and then get mad when that blog makes a post saying. "i don't like hp/hp fandom." babe why r u at the criticizing hp fandom store if u don't want hp fandom criticism....

and yeah i've talked before on my blog abt how like. i do not think we can "separate" fandom from jkr + the inherent shittiness of hp + my personal stance is that i think if u are engaging with hp fandom in 2023 u should at least be prepared to acknowledge + address the fact that u are engaging w a fundamentally conservative piece of media that is rooted in horrible politics, bc if u don't fully understand how jkr's politics are steeped throughout the franchise then it is much more likely that u will just be. absorbing + perpetuating them.

i think something that gets left out of a lot of conversations abt jkr even when discussing how shitty she is within hp fandom is the fact that like. yeah she's broadly transphobic, but she is specifically transmisogynistic, and the politics + policies she endorses are most targeted + harmful towards trans women. in my personal experience thus far in hp fandom i've encountered a lot of tme trans people, and i think there can be this tendency to go "well i'm trans and i know so many trans people who have carved out a space in this fandom that is super affirming + positive for ourselves, so obviously there is no transphobia here" and like. bc of the strong emotional connection to what people view as a safe queer space it can feel like an attack or whatever when someone goes "ok but. have u considered transmisogyny." or just whenever someone is like. rude/mean/cunty in their criticism of hp--but like. tbh as tme trans people i just think it's more important to recognize that many other trans people (and especially tma trans people) have a reason for being rude/mean/cunty in their criticism of hp and even if it hurts ur feelings it's more important to actually think about where that critique is coming from then to get upset bc u feel like it wasn't phrased nicely. at the end of the day just bc a space feels safe 2 u does not mean it is going 2 feel safe 2 everyone!!

[vaspider]

'only tenet of TERFism is transmisogyny' EXCUSE ME NO ITS ALL TRANS PEOPLE. They don't want any trans person to exist. What the hell.

Some people just gotta center their own suffering always, even when they're hurting other people by doing so. I've seen this a lot in younger queer folx of all stripes, this need to be the one that hurts the most, you know?

There's a reason the phrase Oppression Olympics exists, and it's because it's a common behavior or phenomenon in oppressed communities. I see it in the disability community, too.

What I think is important to understand when we talk about how trans people suffer under transphobia is that different groups are targeted differently. I'm not the first person to say this, of course.

Now, like, this is very rough sketchy stuff, and each person's individual experiences will vary, but in my general experience, the rough breakdown of the way in which transphobia lands on trans people kind of breaks down like this:

Binary trans women tend to suffer under a lens of hypervisibility. Everything they do is seen, analyzed, and torn apart. Their struggles are generally the ones centered in the arguments of allies, "allies," and transphobes. Even when trans women are the focus of helpful attention, that hypervisibility can cause exhaustion, because they need to perform perform perform, and be perfect, all the time. It's hard for trans women to just be without feeling like they're on camera, all the time. A lot of the time, they are on camera, because trans women's bodily autonomy and right to privacy are just never respected by transphobes (and often by supposed "allies" who feel free to ask the most invasive questions and get upset when trans women won't answer them), and even if they're not literally on camera, they're supposed to perform as the best examples of transfemininity, because if they don't, then they become the next 'look at this bad trans, all trans are this bad trans' example that TERFs point at and use as a broad brush to paint all trans women. If they're not perfect all the time and have a day where they snap at someone while someone is recording, or make a mistake, or anything, it has a horrible tendency to go viral. You can think of at least three instances right now off the top of your head, right? Right.

Binary trans men tend to suffer from hyperinvisibility. This comes from inside and outside the community -- a lot of trans men talk about being told they can't lead in community because they've 'got male privilege,' that their struggles are discarded, that they're talked over and unable to discuss the things they face, which means they don't get the support they need. Now, there are TERFs and transphobes who absolutely do focus their attention on trans men to the exclusion of or to the deprioritization of the oppression of trans women -- that's where we get Tavistock and Irreversible Damage and Fourth Wave Now and all the other bullshit which focuses on the idea that trans men are "transing the gay away," specifically "transing our butch lesbians" and "stealing butches." But again, generally speaking, trans men face harmful levels of invisibility where trans women face harmful levels of visibility. That's why transmascs in general have issues like lack of understanding even by supposedly trans-competent doctors as to how HRT affects our bodies, why trans men (and transmascs in general) report things like transphobes attacking them with transmisogynistic comments and assuming that every trans person online is a trans woman, etc.

Non-binary (here used as an umbrella term for all identities outside of binary man/woman, to include agender, genderfluid, non-binary, and infinite other identities) AFAB people tend to suffer from a different, very specific form of hypervisibility, unless they start to appear too masculine, and then they slip into hyperinvisibility. This is where we get things like "women and non-binary people" that codes all non-binary people as "AFAB people I can sort of squint and view as women," and people who fall into this category tend to get a lot of attention, a lot of derision from all sides of the spectrum. This is the "blue-haired tenderqueer" sneering that we get from both within and without the queer community, where there's an assumption that these people are just cosplaying an identity, that they're not really trans, etc. Having been in the visibility category and slipped into the invisibility category within the last, oh, year or so, and having two binary trans women in my family to compare notes with, the experiences are unnervingly similar. The difference between the experience that those women have had and the experience that I have had is that according to transphobes, I'm a traitor to my womanhood and performing femininity wrong and taking on a fake identity to escape female oppression because I'm not strong enough to bear up under it, but too cowardly to become a trans man, or... something, whereas they're taking on a fake identity to sneak into women's spaces because they're perverts.

Non-binary (umbrella identity etc) AMAB people tend to suffer from their own very specific form of hyperinvisibility, unless they start to present "too feminine", and then they slip into the hypervisibility which affects binary trans women, but with a little different fuckery in which everyone just assumes they're a trans woman, and therefore they get misgendered by everyone across the spectrum of queer/non-queer/etc. Non-binary AMAB people are generally treated like they don't exist, and when they are spoken about, are often discussed in the context of 'they should just admit they're trans women or gay men,' or if they present 'too feminine,' are subjected to the same sort of horrific attention that trans women get.

Again, a lot of this is very simplistic, and doesn't add in a lot of other complicating factors like race, disability, class, etc. Trans men of color, for example, can run into a different sort of hypervisibility because as they move further through their transition, they begin to be seen in the world as a man of color. It's not really mine to speak on beyond that, but I don't want to neglect saying 'this is really really simplistic and there's more to it than that' over and over.

I really hate breaking it down this simply because it feels like creating another binary (our society does like a binary!) for non-binary people, but like, I can't really talk about my shared experiences with other trans people without putting some framework around it. Someday, I'll be able to do that without categories. Wouldn't that be awesome?

I think we do our entire community a huge disservice when we talk about transphobia as if it's a single snake trying to take bites out of only one part of the community, and not a many-headed hydra, able to attack us from multiple different directions. I also think that focusing on one form of oppression keeps us from forming meaningful solidary and coalitions; the more divided we are, the easier it is for the people who literally want us all to stop existing to pick us off one by one. We see this all across the queer community and it's only ramping up as the attacks on our community escalate from without; people tend to turn on the ones closest to them when they get really scared, and to blame the person standing next to them for the pain they're suffering. It's the "close enough to hit" phenomenon, and it's why we see ridiculous things like "bi women make cis men think that lesbians can be won over," rather than acknowledging that bi women aren't the ones causing that: cis men are the ones causing that. The bi women in that case are close enough to hit. Transmascs are close enough to hit. Trans women are close enough to blame for the problems of transmascs, which makes it possible for TERFs to lure transmascs in and attempt to detransition them, subjecting them to gaslighting and manipulation and then using them as sock puppets.

TERFs do focus a lot on transmisogyny. They focus a lot on transmisandry, too. Debating which one is more prevalent and 'worse' not only misses the point, because transmascs and transfems face very different and totally rotten attention from cis society as a whole, including cis queers. We need to like, not do that anymore: we need to give each other the space to talk about our unique circumstances, but we also need to work harder on looking at each other through a lens of solidarity and trying to see that our struggles are different but not unrelated, and that if we keep downing on each other like this, we're not going to get anywhere except in a much more difficult situation as the people who don't want any of us to exist keep picking us off.

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

do you know any good resources for detransition? (I looked at your FAQ but couldn't find anything)

Lee says:

None of the mods have personal experience with this, so we don’t have any resources to link to about it. Detransition statistics are closer to 3-5% of people after they make any sort of irreversible changes (here are two studies with similar numbers) which means that detransitioners are a minority within a minority, so it’s hard to find resources in it (that aren’t transphobic) since most trans people don’t detransition.

Detransitioning isn’t the same thing as going back into the closet at home for safety reasons, it’s stopping your transition and reversing it everywhere in your life. Being trans isn’t easy, but denying that you’re trans to yourself can sometimes be worse.

If you are not using the trans label anymore but it’s because of peer pressure or fear that you won’t find anyone who accepts you, you may actually still be trans but not able to handle being out of the closet for now. It’s okay to go back in the closet if you don’t want to be out, but if you are trans but don’t want to be because you weren’t accepted, detransitioning won’t help with some of your dysphoria- only self-acceptance and transitioning can.

You can also look into whether you’re actually non-binary if you were formerly identifying as a male or female. It’s possible you could still fall somewhere under the trans umbrella if you want to, but it’s also your choice if you no longer feel comfortable identifying as trans at all. 

genders / more genders / neurogenders / questioning

All that being said, sometimes you just aren’t trans after all! And that’s okay. You may want to explore the gender nonconforming label if you don’t feel you’re trans.

You also should try to figure out what caused you to identify as trans in the first place, and what you need to do to be comfortable in your detransition if you have decided that you aren’t trans. Investigating what compelled you to identify as trans might provide some clarity in what you want to do as you move away from the trans community. There’s often a lot of stigma around being trans, so people who choose to identify as trans and come out as such usually don’t do it on a whim. Were you uncomfortable with the gender roles you were assumed to have to fit? Was it physical/body dysphoria, and if so, how do you plan to cope with it as you detransition?

Also consider why you aren’t identifying as trans anymore. Were you comfortable with the trans label but unprepared for the discrimination/rejection that you experienced as a result of identifying as trans? Did you expect that your dysphoria would improve when you transitioned but it didn’t? 

No matter how far you transitioned, you should look into Therapists and therapy to help you cope with the process you have ahead of you.

“Knowing where to go starts with knowing oneself. Whether going to a male role, a female one, somewhere in-between, or genderless, the choice of action has to be done with even more certainty then was done the first time around. Waiting to decide may look like not being able to, but in the end it will be out of a more informed decision when it comes to ones unique identity, and not based off emotion and/or misguided ideas. A stable identity and expression must come from within, and not be fueled by the opinions of others.

If the basis of transitioning was simply because the belief one isn’t “X” and therefore must be “Y”, (grass is greener theory) then attempting to understand the reasoning behind the thinking is an introspection option. The reasoning behind that theory could be anything from confusing gender expression with identity, to disbelief in non-binary gender as it relates to the facets of identity and role. Separating preferred gender expression, gender identity, gender role, and sexuality will allow for easier understanding of the influences that make up the core self, and if one or more is based off external validation of a false belief.” (Source)

If you’ve socially transitioned: you could try to use the Coming out page to re-come out as your axab, and consider what you want to change as you detransition. Do you want to keep dressing masculine/feminine, or do you want to experiment with old clothing? Do you want to keep the same style as before your transition, or try something new? Do you want to go back to your birthname, continue with your chosen name, or find a new name? Change pronouns? Make a list of the goals you want to accomplish on paper- writing things out makes it seem more real. Writing things out and keeping a diary or a journal can help. 

If you’ve medically transitioned: If you’re afab you could look at the Transfeminine resources to see info on what surgical options are available and such, like breast augmentation if you had your chest removed or electrolysis if you’ve grown facial hair. If you’re amab you could look at the Transmasculine resources and start to research getting any breast implants removed, or top surgery to get rid of any chest growth from estrogen, etc. Either axab you can talk to your hormone provider about stopping hrt, and what to expect as you stop it, and if you’ll need to take estrogen/testosterone to restore your system to balance or not.

The trans community is often silent on detransitioning, as the vast majority of trans people don’t detransition and yet it’s kinda the bogeyman of the community because when people hear about someone detransitioning they think “oh no, what if I’m making a mistake too?” and so they don’t like to acknowledge it.

Despite that, there’s nothing wrong with exploring your identity- it’s okay if you thought you were one thing and it turns out you’re another. You’ve just learned more about yourself, and now you know that the trans label isn’t for you. 

If someone explores their gender identity, it doesn’t mean they were “faking.” Some people feel a certain way for a certain amount of time, and later their identity shifts- not everyone has a static unchanging gender for all of their lives. That doesn’t mean you were faking or were lying about it when you identified as trans.

You can look into connecting with other detransitoners to help provide you with support as you’re all going through a similar experience, but watch out for TERFs/radfems who may disguise their transphobia and transmisogyny as being “gender critical”. 

One important thing to remember: While you may not be trans, other people’s identities are still valid. Some detranstioners will start to believe that because they weren’t trans, nobody is trans- and that’s not true.

You may not have belonged in the trans community but the community is an important and helpful place for other people, and it shouldn’t be vilified as coercing/forcing people into identifying as trans because that sends the message that trans people aren’t actually trans and they’re just being tricked into it, which is really invalidating. 

There are issues with every community of course, and the trans community is no exception, but it’s possible to address that without invalidating other people’s identities.

All in all, I wish you the best on your journey, and I hope you find an identity and method of coping that makes you the most comfortable and happy.

Followers, any good resources for anon?

Followers say:

randomtranshiker said: I know 1 person who detransitionrd after a year of transitioning and living as mtf, on facebook they said ‘Over the past year of living as a women I have learned a lot more about myself and have learned to embrace some more feminine aspects of myself, but I have decided that being a female isn’t quite right for me so for now I will be going back to he/him pronouns. I appreciate all the support and I hope you will all support me in the future as I learn more about myself’ and I thought it was put really well. So it might be helpful for other people looking into detransitioning

questioningsideblog said: It is important to remember the reasons you transitioned in the first place. Even if you do not stick with it forever, there was a legitimate pain or feeling behind why you made those choices.

ishcadore said: Anon you have to understand that people who condemn trans people as “transtrenders” or claim its just a phase somehow compartmentalize the act of questioning yourself (and growing to understand yourself) as ‘not part of your life’ as if phases do not make up who we are and how we change as people.  Looking for your identity does not put you at fault, just as any other part of life doesn’t.  Those who do not try to find their own path and figure out who they are in the same way don’t…

kaykitty said: even if nobody ever detransitioned transphobes would use the possibility as an excuse for bigotry. by reidentifying you won’t “become” evidence for anybody’s agenda. don’t let anyone else’s hatefulness stop you from doing what you need to do. i know it’s really confusing and embarrassing but in my experience everyone has either been very accepting, if a little confused, or just as quietly baffled as they were when i started transitioning in the first place lol

[thedeadflag]

As someone who has never seen the 100, can you explain what went wrong with Clexa? You've mentioned it before and apparently it has something to do with intersexism and transmisogyny, but I'm kinda unsure the specifics.

Oh, the canon issues with clexa differ from the fandom issues with clexa.

Canon issues:

On the show, the showrunner (Jason Rothenburg) and staff aggressively baited the fandom, fueling the fire under the clexa fandom specifically to draw views, acclaim, etc. The fandom grew worried after season 2, because Alycia Debnam Carey (Lexa) was only renewed for a guest role, while she had recently signed on as a lead for an AMC show, Fear the Walking Dead. Generally, networks don’t let their stars play on other networks’ shows, and Alycia only getting contracted on part-time had people thinking she’d get killed off. Rothenburg and staff rushed onto social media to tell us we were idiots to think that, that they had too much respect for the character and the fandom to treat them that way. 

They repeatedly, repeatedly said that Clarke and Lexa would both be alive at the end of the season. When worries renewed after Alycia Debnam Carey was absent for nearly half a season’s worth of shooting, Rothenburg made a huge, huge deal about bringing her back in to film in the finale, inviting the fans to come see the scenes get shot in Vancouver, where fans could see Lexa and Clarke embrace and kiss.

The fandom was going wild with joy, and took the CW and Rothenburg and the 100 staff at their word. After all, they had been so reassuring, and so aggressive in their support. As Season 3 progressed, The 100′s social media focused heavily on Clexa, playing up on the recovering, budding romance. They leaked a sex scene that was set to air in episode 7 early, just to get the fans riled up.

And directly after that sex scene in episode 7, they killed Lexa off. Accidentally shot by a bullet not meant for her, a wound in a spot far less lethal than others had suffered in the show, with Clarke (a trained medic/surgeon) present. Lexa died in that episode, and the version of her that showed up in the finale was simply a stored virtual reality version of her.

The clexa fandom blew up in grief, and the show’s social media, cheered the ‘twist’, and claimed that the fandom was taking things too seriously when the LGBT+ fans rightfully lashed out over being baited on a show meant for a teen audience, one far more vulnerable than adults. 

Just the way the show treated the fans, the characters…it was hideous and cruel and some of the worst, ham-handed, shoehorned writing I’ve seen on television in my nearly 31 years. 

Fandom issues:

In the lead-up to season 3, and the anticipation of a romance involving Clarke and Lexa, a few big names in the fandom (none of whom were trans women, or intersex women) started a “Lexa’s Dick” meme. Prior to this, the fandom’s fan works were were solid. There was a surprisingly low amount of transmisogynistic, trans-fetishistic, intersexist content compared to other wlw fandoms. It’s part of what helped me feel safe to join it when I had, early on in season 2. 

Anyways, trans women like myself spoke out against the meme and how it was used to aggressively, joyfully fetishize trans women’s bodies. We were thoroughly, swiftly laughed off. if anything, the pushback against it only seemed to make people celebrate it more. Especially when season 3 started airing and the sexual tension started up on screen. The more that ‘Lexa’s Dick’ stuff spread on social media, the more fanworks of g!p and a/b/o tropes were made. And when lexa was killed off, one of the rallying cries as a means to cope was “Lexa’s Dick”, pushing people to revel in that even while the show was falling apart and had hurt everyone. 

There were people crying out against the Dead lesbians trope, the Bury Your Gays trope. There was a huge push to get people aware of how wlw were represented in media, how often they would get killed off directly after validating their relationship, how toxic wlw representation has historically been, etc. etc.

Rightfully so. Media representation is an important fight. nearly all fo the clexa fandom recognized that intimately, having been hurt by it.

But so, so many of those same people refused to acknowledge that they were causing the same abuse against trans and intersex women, by reproducing and reinforcing and celebrating our violently misrepresentative, fetishistic, toxic representation, and refusing to hear us when we spoke out on that. They’d cry over how the media wasn’t listening, the showrunners weren’t listening, how hetero fandoms were vilifying them and just didn’t understand. yet, they’d laugh us off when we’d bring up transmisogyny and trans fetishization, all while propping up monikers and orgs like “LGBT Fans Deserve Better” when they were aggressively dropping the T.

And that momentum behind trans fetishistic, intersexist works has only continued, and now The 100, as a fandom, is not so arguably the most saturated fiction-based wlw fandom when it comes to g!p and a/b/o fanworks. Some of those big names have since recanted their support for the trope, but generally haven’t done anything to work at undoing the damage they helped cause, haven’t done anything to make fandom safer for us.

Even today, some of the biggest names reproducing those works have patreons and paypals and whatever earning them good money each month by exploiting, misrepresenting, and fetishizing trans women, and directing harm against us. Some of them are published authors. Most of them are very well loved in the fandom and nearly no one actually speaks out against them for fear of causing drama, such is the hold that transmisogyny has on it. Apparently, it’s okay for trans women to suffer so long as other marginalized people might benefit. When they claim to be willing to do anything to help except stop harming trans women directly, it’s pretty telling who they deem disposable and not part of the wlw community, regardless of their offhand comments of ‘support’.

I’ve written extensively on this. I’ve a long post here covering most issues, I’ve a shorter one detailing the impact of these works on trans women here, and I’ve got data from g!p fanworks in the clexa fandom here, just to toss out a few things, if you’re ever curious.