#this has been an update in the life of Lacey | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

randomclam24 · 1 year

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If nothing else, now trying Project Brutality on I am the Painkiller difficulty with Death Wish spawning now beyond episode 1

7/21 night Can't sleep.

A question for deciding what format a recreation of my honest Mario 64 dreams which are mostly nightmares would be, what format would work best for the setpiece that's going to be right there when you enter the front lobby? For some reason, based upon a view from beneath of the llama in DK64's Angry Aztec after freeing him and seeing it in a temple, I had a nightmare of having the same view of a fire-breathing dragon filling up the lobby from Super Mario 64 when you enter, and when it happens, the respawning setting you back through the entry doors to the same room creates a potential infinite loop which has to be actively broken. It's a definite thing that if you enter through the front gates of the castle in the clouds, you get the uncanny fire-breathing dragon burning you alive in an infinite loop of respawning.

That's probably the only part that sounds profound, where the rest sounds like some random crap, although the absolute level of negative emotional aura that comes from them might make them stand apart from everything else, but that would require a dedicated dramatic lighting system.

In the past weeks, I've had multiple dreams taking place in either apartments or weird college dormitories where, in keeping with the theme of SH4 that you can't get out, even if it's just the apartment as a whole, Walter Sullivan can be found in the apartment room itself. He talks in the usual demeanor but like he's some real hot shit. It's *very* disturbing. The last one was in a revisited section of apartments where if you set off a tripwire event, either Walter Sullivan shows up to where you have no choice but to jump out the window onto the ground more than a story below, or Two Pyramid Heads show up for the same event, or all of them. After that event, running away because of who's pursuing, it becomes a new iteration of this idea of Silent Hill being a very sprawling open world, where people actually live in it and it seems like monsters only come out at night. Here, it's the dead of night.

Update I don't think there's much of my dreams I personally appreciate that isn't something bizarro.

7/22 night There is another Lacey's games

Update

I feel like there was a horror fantasy that existed in my mind with representations of pig people from Courage the Cowardly Dog that was never really played out in the show itself that appeared here. Honestly, it could have been a lot worse

Update We're going to transcribe the actual quote from Earthbound that I found to relate to internally and see if it actually reflects the same sentiment.

"That's right, I'm a bus driver. For now, I'm resting. Life is long... take it easy, chubs." *refers you to get acquainted with your town map (if you have it)*

So it's surprising that there were three words out of that that apply, and I still took the existential aspect of it. Actually no, the whole setting of Twoson as a world expansion embellishes the quote

Update It's too long

7/22 I finally got overproof again Even in the other sections besides rum, they don't have any of the labels with more than 100 proof on it. They're all more like 40% ABV.

I'm not exactly playing Russian Roulette, but I think this has to do with the fact that I feel like the actual mandatory part of my mission is over

My mom's having me go on a diet starting about now - her making me do things takes the form of her self-talk in nagging me about it finally taking shape as some statements start to stick in her mind and eventually I'll be doing computer programming

The real effect of this stuff is that, in the same way it's said old age is your second childhood, I want to be able to not worry about things for once

I really don't think it matters if I die drinking while failing at Cuphead and Mugman

You guys, you can leave anytime

I'm starting now because my parents are going out to eat somewhere *they* want to go, while they already took me out the other night already and I told them to just leave me home this time, and it's Sunday tomorrow, where they're off at church half the entire day.

Ask a neurotypical churchgoer how it's benefited them over personally reading the King James Version - the fact of it being impossible to actually get through to them to actually communicate that is another evidence we're living across a dimensional rift effectively from these people

I literally don't want to hear "*just* be nice to people", because if you were going to limit it to *that*, don't even go to church

I don't know what letting the situation develop is even going to yield: there will still be the usual response of, "oh, poor white people! (that's sarcasm - get real)"

I mentioned about a month earlier in a lower post being updated on deviantart inspiration coming from the author of Ulysses - that was at the very top of the list of national-class-selected literary works to do a book report on in senior year of high school, and I just jumped on it - I know about his niece's(?) reaction take on it, and it was that he had finally gone mad. What would it actually be like to write like that

You can't lazy-man your way through Cuphead and Mugman. Easy clears don't clear the level barriers.

When my uncle Bob and some other relatives, one of whom was from Germany and only spoke that language, visited, Bob was more than willing to play videogames in the spare time we had here. We played Bioshock on Xbox 360, and that was about the point where I deemed it a major goal to visually review Xbox 360, PS3, and PC versions of this game to determine which has the most charm. I thought it was just the PC version - big surprise - but I haven't gotten my dad to play Bioshock ever since that.

I don't want to think about this: what would perfecting a system likened to James Joyce's writing style for mirroring thoughts benefit other than tech giants who already survey psychology

Buckets of water being dumped on your head, water balloons, and supersoakers - things I won't experience again because I'm too mature now - technically there was always paintball, but - no real commitment, so I never went into it

I honestly don't even care about this enough to make it a legitimate issue, but evidently my dad never had enough respect of what a higher IQ means relative to the need to have other people teach you things versus reading about them in person firsthand - my mom was the one who really valued the fact From what I've seen, she doesn't know what autism means and just thinks it's an automatic effect of such an IQ, which is why she insists upon it

I think about contrarianism to the status quo on enough layers, and all that comes to mind is anti-natalism (Antinatalism - Wikipedia) - we need something more nuanced than that

Anti-natialism, except it's that meme, paraphrasing, I grew up knowing the world would be cold and unforgiving, but I never imagined it being this gay and stupid

That Biblical reality "know yourself" - I think I'm overdoing that to a fault But I don't have anything better to do - even doing my homework doesn't seem like as much a progression

The biggest blunder I've made with some viewers socially I think is this act of mine of taking up the challenge with people who think that it's alright to amount unresolvable conflicts to violence by their word - so in a sense they're *hypocrites*, because the same isn't valid And yet in their terms, they're still absolutely right - I just sense brainwashing

I've done all this drinking, and I've even listened to some of the music too, but I've never gone to a club before - I've heard you're not missing anything

Okay, just sum it up to this: I had a bunch of artworks on deviantart which I never really went through explaining the energy itself of, and that was for a long while, a very long time.

I just went over them. Basically: There's unresolved trauma

*I will play Saya no Uta* and see what results

With the way you can barely even find it in stores, I think I *will* just hold it against people that they aren't "overproof" in their convictions, if you know what I mean Actually, in fact, I've never considered it a bestowment to be smarter, in IQ (there is a *big* gangstalking cue going on right now) - like, could I just consider myself "extra" and leave it at that?

I've heard the saying "too smart for your own good" - if you're a Christian, "he who knows what is right and does not do it has sinned" itself gets complicated?

I mean, if it comes down to it: the kind of discourse I wanted to have was bridging the gap between the veritable "dimensions" of politics and its underbelly. So if things are going easy on me the whole way through, I'm doing something wrong.

A memory: in Boy Scouts, there was a quarry by a standard place scouts would go to camp out in in interconnected cabins with wooden platforms with ladder-stairs. But when it came down to that competition in the quarry, where we were doing capture-the-flag I became a ninja

Yeah, somehow nobody noticed me rock-climbing

The day before, some adults with their sons were showing off guillie suites and what they could accomplish

Feeling like "getting it" doesn't mean *shit* when everybody's goal who is a white male made self-aware is to drop out

I wish working my ass off didn't now mean doing the same thing as conformist "beaners" and "pajeets" who will just do whatever the establishment of corporate governance *wants* them to do

I actually like working my ass off when all the connotations aren't involved because I need something to keep myself distinguished from people with lower IQs to convince myself I'm not lacking despite the fact

It was specifically when, in community college, not *even* a liberal arts college, that a college computer science textbook on the back cover said (when I knew about homosexual programmer socks) "you know you want it" - no more

I love you guys I frequent, but I wish Original Content (OC) wasn't so sparse and far between

Is it an overstatement to say you guys are keeping me sane?

If the situation shifted to where working your ass off like boomers virtue-signal no longer identified implicitly with the establishment, I think I would go ahead and *do* it

Update I know I denounce atheism as people who have a mangled image of what it means to have a father figure, hence by proxy slandering the Bible and its Lord, but when it comes down to it, I don't have any positivist image of a father as a spiritual leader.

My dad is a computer programmer, and he is obsessive.

One reason for not wanting to just ramble about my true feelings, despite the fact that I'm articulate enough for it: there are true sick fucks monitoring my thoughts, so for example, the concept of going more in-depth with something like the way Earthbound's cave music sampled in creepypasta actually kind of entices me would have consequences on the other end.

If you get drunk enough, unironically pool hentai files, real-life or otherwise

That's not thinking of just anybody involved

I'm sorry

But honestly, asking my older cousin about the concept of sharing porn just to have him be reviled or something to that effect, I was surprised, mainly because he specifically said what *he* had would be too *much* for someone like me, in *my* league - so...

But that's the same guy who said he took it up the ass (to try it? (?)) (He said it wasn't great)

Update There are a lot of videogames that were for simpler platforms that I wouldn't consider to be any good now - that's simply because I'm older

*None* of my best hentai is recent

Update It seems like, even if I *did* go a little off the rails, for the rest of you, that moment would be just what is called "trouble in paradise"

I feel like I'm being tickled all over Sorry

Update I threw up. I want to think there's some meaning to the purists' "pray the anime away", but even now, it seems superficial

The pioneers threw up when dining with the Native Americans after a long trek, and then kept eating. I don't know.

Update Maybe the drinking is a cry for help.

I'm just playing Earthbound to whatever game over My parents just got home from Bellacino's with pizza Ouch

Update By my mom's metric, she would be saying her nerves are shot right now.

Real talk - the way liberal professors said they were shocked by the state of pupils from their generation then growing up, what if I'm also a complete and utter dumbass in my example

Update I remember being on a cruise ship with my parents on the sea to Jamaica and back, where I could barely stomach it. I hate this. This is worse than that.

Update It might be according to gangstalking, but my mom always says "*no* alcohol!" whenever we go to Wal-Mart (to no avail) - I *want* to be able to relate to other people in that regard.

I don't want everything to remain superficial. I'm always so pent-up, unconscious restraint always accomodates for what everyone else considers a conscious moral. In my case, it's not even conscious, but practically against my will.

Update What my dissenters among friends post, I would appreciate if you posted something extremely weird that took me by surprise.

Update after some sleep One thing's certain: If that comment I saw about how you have to just accept certain things as they are if you want to do Dark Souls had any merit, we wouldn't be seeing the mass dropout rate of white males from the system as the result of the current awakening. Instead those people would be *in* the system *doing* something.

7/23 night The latest Lacey's games, I'm still thinking about it (suddenly there was a big booming noise like a thunderstorm was coming again - there's another one)

7/24 How to get out tha hood in 3 easy steps

1: Run. Really fast

I have this thing where, if I'm not doing it all at the last second with all of the worrying involved in that, it feels like I'm just giving final affirmation to conformism once and for eternity

Update Okay. I think I've struck something. I remembered that during the time when I had to learn Physics II at the college level in under two weeks because there were *other* subjects that needed that same treatment as well, there was a way of looking at things that didn't stick but was there for that time where instead of looking at the individual items of information as things that need to be read into, like where women expect men to be psychics, instead just take everything at face value for what can be read out in that span of time per se and then just move on until you find the better explanation of those things in the text. That seems to have worked.

Update It seems like what we went into getting myself medicated to address, but there doesn't seem to be anything to specifically get me to stop looking too deeply into things once I'm set in the grind of doing them rather than just continuing to look at them at face value to get the raw information that constitutes the education and nothing else.

Update Unironically all I did so far was stop sitting on the side of my bed with the table right in front of it and used the desk chair and boosted it up to one of the higher seat positions, and I'm going through this faster. Also, I just got through sleeping all last evening to this afternoon, barely unbroken - about 19 hours

Now I don't know what people mean when they say being drowsy when you get up is because you sleep too much, because I had that when I woke up in the morning, but after then sleeping until the afternoon, it felt divine.

Update I think the reason I always wanted to try to go back to the mentality I had with school when it was just elementary school had to do with the fact that before people saw how far ahead I would try to go on my own and condition me not to, it seemed like everything was going to be a cakewalk. But then it turned out to be a matter of sitting and *waiting* for 90% of the duration of anything that does exist in this world, because that *is* how it is structured.

Now, for some reason, even when I do make significant progress, it feels like all the waiting involved in the classroom setting has passed also, and it's like I feel the pain of all that, and that discourages me.

Update Eventually, trying to type out all the material, which I do need to do to keep focused enough to internalize the material, starts to sound like rambling for its own sake, and there's nothing I can do about that.

Update Okay, this is an exception. For once, I've slept long enough to not want to go to sleep as soon as I try drinking, and that will probably not happen again any time soon because I don't sleep enough.

What are goals

So as soon as I'm done helping put away dinner, it's on

Update I hate how it's basically true in my case that alcohol, or a bit of it, loosens your inhibitions with interacting with other people where you couldn't otherwise. If that wasn't the case, what if I just lived my life?

Honestly, in a way, I wanted the experience in order to honestly make the judgment against people who are perpetually poor, but when it comes down to it, for most people, who aren't high-IQ and potentially neurotic, I don't see them get all existential about it like me. I think "overqualified" is a real concept here.

I honestly wonder why no one's made the consideration, what if tranny people actually had a reassignment surgery that worked in every sense that they claim? Right now, it doesn't - but science fiction has gone there long before this has been relevant. What if the reason people aren't open about it isn't even because they're uptight per se but because they're consciously aware, from experience these past generations, that every metapolitical issue is being used as a proxy for the whole of political correctness now? Because in that case, *I'm* not even going to go there now.

In Portal 2, I liked the saying they used that it takes someone particularly bright to make decisions this bad, which is their explanation for how the main character robot with the Irish accent got created. But in that is also something implicit: that regular stupid isn't simply going to create a high-level infraction just like that, by mere chance. In that is an implicit anti-evolutionism, because of the logic used. And I basically just now thought of the connection between that and sin as "missing the mark", in its Biblical meaning - it takes someone getting very close to the original meaning to then mess it up in their example for everyone else. That sounds like what sin meant Biblically, if that's the definition they were going by: literally leading the lambs astray. The meaning "to miss the mark" for sin Biblically illustrates how it can be done by accident.

I *would* like for church to feel more "real", not coming from myself as a complete outlier but from other people in those positions. But if it's like the accusations to Protestantism say, and all they're going to do is create their personal translations, then what's the point

Update The base level of discourse online is so bad - oh, please, *justify* me staying sober!

This seems to be the drill by now: start to post less as you drink, but if you have a memory come back because of it, you can post it

People used to talk using the home telephone, and conversations used to be a kind of art - at least from what I've heard, but you get the idea

I don't even use social media for sociality, at all, whatsoever

It was because I actually used Steam's chat for more socialization than actual social media that I mistakenly tried painting it as "social media" in a class that called for it, expecting every student to come up with something unique, and it was weird

I shouldn't have even been in a class for social media, other than that that's where I learned firsthand that they've been using algorithms even for things like new music for years.

I just remembered something. It used to be a thing in ancient history to take melodies that already existed and compare them for their chord progressions. I don't imagine that's what was in mind with these algorithms. No, according to the class, it's because of things that keep the majority's attention most likely, over anything else.

If you're tired about hearing about me, imagine how I feel having to be myself.

Update I can't share just my personal desires with the masses

What if it's true that the kinds of people who are great writers aren't great leaders and that the kinds of things expected of great leaders, I *don't* have in mind?

Dude, I think I finally found the words for what I was trying to say: Movies like Finding Nemo, the original, movies that came out like that once every so often now are so rare

Every so often, a thought in the ballpark of this surfaces - people always consider horniness an unwholesome thing, but is there no form in which these urges can be taken out in a way that is? Clearly not for kids, but still.

One thing I heard recently is that in this rare case someone got a virgin bride, all that sexual energy that would normally be taken out (these days) on many men is all focused upon you, and they said they found it cute.

Come to think of it, we're so far removed from colonial Americana, it shouldn't even be *attempted* to be pushed under the rug and hidden

Update I saw Common Filth call out escapism which I'm liable for and not give any alternative, not anything that stood out as meaningful

Out of all the people coming out of the "woodwork" to be reactionary to me, I don't see anyone per se trying to "correct" me

Honest to Lord God Jesus, there were people written about in the Bible like John the Baptist who survived just on berries

It just occurred to me that in Biblical times preceding the New Testament, it was written pastors would be struck down by lightning if they approached their preaching scene in the improper mindset to preach for the Lord. Why did that happen?

I'm not special. I may be very precise and accurate, for things that can be known by simple means, but actually being special categorically - I don't think so.

The sense of childish wonderment goes above and beyond that of commitment. Memories like going into the 1994 2.5-D Jurassic Park arcade booth for the first time have no precedent today.

I'm trapped in a sort of cycle of preferring my dreams over reality to then just want to wake up from some of them that are more like nightmares

I don't like the President F*ck Joe and tha Hoe Seriously, who elected that shit? Are you serious? Do these people hog oxygen?

My gangstalking bugging makes people intimidate me, but I wish you people yourselves would impress me. That's stone-cold.

Update And come to think of it, I don't think, even among the people I frequent, there are a lot of people who teach the fear of the Lord out there.

That's where I come up with the half-baked ideation that, for what it is, the fear of gangstalking *is* the modern fear of the Lord, and that's that.

Imgur: The magic of the Internet

I'm given this information online - what more do you want from me

That's in accordance to Biblical age of consent - therefore - what more do you want from me

(Ripe age: 14)

Update Okay, okay, and then you have, how else then are we going to convict these pedophiles in high positions? You're saying you don't have the info already on Satanic ritual abuses?

No really. It seemed machiavellian to me to convict the upper class on pedophilia charges when it's in that age range

Update I've seen it memed organically by people IRL on the Internet only a few times, but for some reason it makes me feel guilty because of the detachment of it: this image of a train station master keeping the time on his pocketwatch, like that's the higher standard above people's feelings. I don't feel good about that. It's emotionless. But at the same time what is unbiased science

Update I really think boredom as a thing with me with people's uploads isn't pronounced enough - in all honesty, I don't know *what* I'm missing, but I have that interest in the surreal aspect of my own dreams that never goes fulfilled

I want someone's intimidation to me for once to not be in an anal way that's completely hollow and unfulfilling

I slept for 19 hours, so despite heavy drinking, for once I can stay up with it without the typical drowsiness - "I take my life like I kept it - up mah sleeces"

You know, I never *thought* of that - for all the celebrities saying that you have to feel pain to assure yourself that you still feel - I've actually heard that there is such a thing as the celebrity who will want to go off and live in a log cabin with a thirteen-year-old girlfriend and never be heard from again, but you can't search that up! I've only in-person heard of it.

How do I describe my barriers to morality? You see things like Bioshock create an extreme example where you obviously are instructed implicitly not to take them up. Is that "poisoning the well"?

I actually *like* the sensation of being at the borderline of my nerves being shot.

You know how your limbs will go to sleep, left under pressure from other body parts long enough? Some people know about that, from what I've heard in-person. It feels like that.

It's like I'm trying to come up with my own "Qabbalah" so it feels iike my life constitutes something

There's a certain level, I'm like the people who never had their asses kicked back throughout grade school to learn from it - but these are subjects not talked about

I want somebody to be tough. I'm so depressed

Update That Trump tape that was so renowned had the same effect as leaks of elites saying you can just take the child prostitutes freely - they're already conditioned for it - not one of the people who visited Epstein's Island has been arrested

Update I don't know how to make text small, but I've had dreams more than I'm comfortable with with, indescribably long tunnels that you have to crawl through - SH4 does come to mind - I don't like it - it's very uncomfortable - some are underwater at the same time - and that's how you get to certain areas that are considered divine in nature as secret areas

As for people who *have* gone through the childhood trauma between the ages of 3 and 4 or so to get a split personality - should they even be allowed to remain alive?

Update Commander Keen, the first three episodes of which were in my childhood throughout, was said to have an IQ of 314, much, much higher than even Jimmy Neutron - what would it be like to have a virtually infinite IQ

Update I'm steady used to everybody considering someone showing off at *my* level being just because I'm a virgin

Update All things considered, it's kind of stupid for me to consider alcohol in the same way that people like my own dad would consider spice level that goes up to Habanero or Ghost Chili peppers - in either case, though, you *could* be hospitalized, and yet my dad still considers it, if only in irony

Idiotic, idiotic - don't do this

Nothing seems like a skill issue anymore; it just seems like a time commitment issue to the dungeon crawl.

Update /pol/ had a logical point they considered their "razor" - is this the "razor" when it comes to real life? People back up through the 70's had *their* idea of what futurism would be like, which has taken precedence up through our own era, really, but socially, you're like, no, age of consent has to remain the arbitrary state it's at - and no matter what, that's because of more modern social insufficiencies, because it's not Biblical. I don't know *how* one would expect to get through the social insufficiencies that are the modern world as a concept as opposed to the ancient world. Well, if you can't just say, it's the jews - then what are you left with? Floundering in the wind

Update I want people there to be able to give me checks-and-balances even at a time like this. The occasional "you fucked up on something potentially" while I'm just sober sounds like virtue-signaling if left entirely by itself And I don't mean a diss by that - I mean what I said by the statement I'm just not impressed, by anything - that's true.

Update I could never get anyone do "do their homework" on what *I* put out - they just put out reactionary videos. No diss, but it's enough that I feel alone

*Small text* I don't know why I think of this now, but there was slated to be an Artemis Fowl movie back in the day of that book series, but it broke up due to financial reasons - I knew someone who actually did the in-depth bottom-of-the-page decoding I read some of the books

Yeah there used to be book sequels to where there would be lore like that, like a sequel to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory that goes above and beyond the surrealism of the elevator at the end - I only vaguely heard about things like that

That was the point I was trying to make, with such references

How am I going to renounce drinking in the future? By admitting somehow that the kind of interest I have now in now rereading books like A Series of Unfortunate Events was not just completely dependent on entering this state, when in reality it kind of was.

Update Related to this state, I've heard in PSA material that it takes 5 entire minutes to drown when pushed under rocks underwater in the currents

I've heard that Monogatari was the primary reason a lot of anime started getting more normalized toward pedophilia

Update How are races supposed to come to terms in America when eventually, it's going to be like, what are we going to do with all the strictly non-conforming? Real questions

"Conservatively", could we have set a limit to illegal immigration such that such an address would no longer be necessary? No one ever brought that one up

Update That your concept of "principled" as a conservative means you can't make an address to the gross exceptions that have been made already - is this real history? Yes, yes it is.

Update I hate youuuuuu

Yeah, the hardest thing to break to people which is still entirely concrete in its truth is that we can't simply take in the entire third world which constitutes the majority of the earth's population and still retain (super-exaggerated) *our democracy*

If I hadn't bought so much alcohol, I could have afforded a mid-tier external hard drive by now and have been playing things like Bioshock Inifinite on this notebook from 2022 for $500. But then my parents would ask me, where did the rest of the memory go

Apparently you have to be an accepted gamma male(TM) to even use the N-word, and that's without the hard-R. There was one point at which I think I got the N-word pass

Update I wish I wasn't universally shadow-banned. That way if I wanted to for example, I could ask, do you want me to continue work on the original release of Ib in 2.5D? It was left at the lobby section for the sake of just giving an example of what the conversion could look like Now there's not going to be an answer given

Update There's so much pressure against people "being white" - maybe that's the reason I'm getting drunk right now

So, at best, speak as a gamma male, not as a "white person"

Update I plain spent too much money on booze in total. If I didn't feel like I was one some kind of mission with it, I wouldn't have.

Update I honestly can't handle as much as i thought. I'm struggling with about the same amount that made me throw up last time.

What if in the end I think I'm entittled to the same welfare that black people are, because I'm simply lazy

Update If I had the motivation, or whatever you call it, to see everything like I did the second grade, that would just be miraculous

I wish my individual life would have higher stakes than just, do what you're told, or we'll throw you away

Viva Pinata (Yes, this is a message a la Q's quest to decipher a message a la "drink your ovaltine")

That'th so *dope*

*smacks lips* ayo where tha white women at?

Update Pussy-vagina - "here -" Pussyvagina

7/26 As a last measure to experimenting with alcohol, I'll see just how much I can still be productive on, as opposed to doing nothing as usual. In fact I am so uptight that a little went a long way.

Update I just remembered something from "back in the day". DK64 had creepy segments where a set of gun sights would start moving around the screen trying to lock on with a timer, introduced with a very harsh voice-over of "Killers!" Even as a kid, it was like, they're introducing the concept of contract killers in a game meant for kids? And the first time it happens is in Angry Aztec's creepy temples whose music is already questionably disturbing for such a game.

Update Things I want for *Christmas* No more gangstalking engines revving in the near distance For some things like a lawn mower going every Wednesday can be chocked up to somebody's schedule, but these revving noises are much more specific than that. But also the start and stop times of the lawn mower are tuned to this as well.

I don't know why *nothing* is a better medication for everyday work than a bit of alcohol as self-medication. From what everybody around me has told, that's *stupid*. I think it's just them *saying* it, though

What if people disrespected people in the way that people do when they don't respect the institution of "muh science", and not *even* the scientific method I'm already used to it. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to keep quiet and out of trouble with these people. But what if *they* had to put up with it? Bitch

Honestly, with this mindset from the substance involved, come to think of it, there's probably a sense of tactile satisfaction that comes from everyday productivity that keeps people *doing* it. I don't have such a thing normally at *all*. That's why then when you have something legitimately hard pop up, it springs me out of my seat and back to bed without a thought being involved

I'm absolutely idiotic. Back in grade school, I had the drive to blaze through anything in curriculum I wanted because it was all compact enough you could do that with little extra effort. That's all I get a sense of satisfaction from, not the course material itself

Even back in college, I wanted to prioritize at some point typing out the Bible in the way you would a textbook, if you do that kind of thing, but what happened - there is so much capitalization, at least one of my pinkies blows out

Maybe trauma does even more to people than what has been let on, because I'll usually find satisfaction in the *setting* of something and be more prone then to space out than actually partake in the thing itself like everyone else is doing

I actually really like Yakisoba noodles, but only the beef kind - they're cheapest at Aldi

Surviving on just Ramen noodles through college - do people really, because they always tell you throughout school you need enough sleep and eating right in order to do well on your tests

I got a 93% on the ending exam for another major section just now, and that's on some alcohol. At the same time I see and I *don't* see what somebody was saying by exclaiming that all these people who get drunk casually think they're in control - I guess you're saying that all of those people don't have that mechanism of keeping oneself in check - because I'm self-aware of it to the extent, you would know just to wait for one second and reassess - that's not on *much*, though

Update I'm having the dream from last night come back hard for some reason - because of the appearance of Kyubey and some other similar creature, there were sudden ruptures that would go through entire blocks of city, leaving everyone dead in its wake, and the only way to get away was to pass through a territory completely owned by Mexicans or something who would attack if they recognized you as not one of them

Apartments with really high floor numbers keep recurring

So classic games, I've already played out the meaningfulness of, and I'm not obsessive to the point of wanting to grind them for particular high scores. Kind of feels the same way now for anything productive - replaceability is absolutely real, and I *realize* that.

It might just be good advice to try to save up on cash in America and then move to a different country where inflation won't be so high.

Honestly, where is the elementary-school rendition of the sense of innate competition going to come from that I say, I'm going to really get ahead in this program - I already have the decent grades to prove myself - actually let's put aside the fact that I have a General Transfer Studies degree - that doesn't get you anything.

It's just that, am I supposed to compete with people in the sense of outdoing how caught up in the system that's going to work them as hard as they can get away with I am?

In Silent Hill 2, there was a definite theme with the basement's basement where someone was locked up where they said they lost their precious ring down there but would never, ever go back. In Silent Hill 4, it seems like that theme has been made into the home in which you live, because of the situation in there. I just feel like 2 and 4 mesh together more as a narrative than the others, and 1 and 3 are left as the "cult" games.

Update So what are the drawbacks to trying to correct things any further hoping to prevent the collapse? It would cause retaliation to go even further.

With this way I'm diagnosed to no tangibility in effect - you can't simply tell a man just following orders he's fucking up

Maybe with some of these people, you're really talking about the fact that their sense of "sticking up for the little guy" entails defending a man just for only doing what he's told, when that's the means by which the earth has experienced its most numerous deaths by genocide.

That's what I tried to say with mentioning people's "better sense of judgment" - that that could just as well have been conditioned into them by someone's orders.

Update Being pressured to do homework to where I was at the boderline of being in a frenzy doing it, I could bypass the fact that the way I normally look at things sober interprets everything as if it's trying to be poetry or something.

Frankly, I want to be able to do this type of thing like it's my laundry and be done with it.

Update much later It got me worked up, but I got over it and found out what I thought was wrong about 7th-gen visuals on PC - typically the "very high" lighting settings are overkill for the level of visuals to where it made it seem somewhat more synthetic where these were visuals that started to look organic up close for the first time. Not even resolution is as high-priority as that, although I made a similar decision with 1080p being overkill for its range as well.

I got Unreal Development Kit downloaded again. What are we going to do with it? Nothing because I'm not skilled.

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espies-galaxy · 1 year

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My May Favorite Reads

Dear World,

As much as I love television and movies...nothing, and I mean nothing, compares to a good book. For whatever reason, this summer, I have already been sucked into a black hole of books. I have even found a new author that I am obsessed with.

So even though it is only May, here are my book suggestions for books to read this summer. And sorry, gentlemen, most of these are a little girly!

All descriptions graciously provided by Barnes & Noble!

1. Girl Online and Girl Online: On Tour By Zoe Sugg

A coming-of-age novel that perfectly captures what it means to grow up and fall in love in today’s digital world.

And then.

The sequel; Penny joins her rock-star boyfriend on the road in Europe. When Noah invites Penny on his first-ever European tour, she can’t wait to spend the summer with her rock-god-tastic boyfriend. But, between Noah’s jam-packed schedule, less-than-welcoming band mates, and threatening

2. Twenty-Eight and a Half Wishes by Denise Grove Swank

"Though much of the book is light-hearted and occasionally outright hilarious, the author sneaks in a few home truths along the way that will hit you where it counts, like how even someone’s best intentions can box you in." --Everybody Needs a Little Romance

3. Pretend You Don't See Here by Mary Higgins Clark

Mary Higgins Clark sends chills down readers’ spines with the story of Lacey Farrell, a rising star on the Manhattan real estate scene. One day, while showing a luxurious skyline co-op, Lacey is witness to a murder—and to the dying words of the victim...

4. Symptoms of Being Human by Jeff Garvin

Once I opened this book I was so shocked. I honestly picked it because I liked the title, so I went into it blind and this was honestly the most amazing book about a pressing issue.

Riley Cavanaugh is many things: Punk rock. Snarky. Rebellious. And gender fluid. Some days Riley identifies as a boy, and others as a girl. But Riley isn't exactly out yet. And between starting a new school and having a congressman father running for reelection in über-conservative Orange County, the pressure—media and otherwise—is building up in Riley's life.

5. The Deepest Cut By J.A. Templeton

This is the first book then it goes: The Haunted, The Departed and then The MacKinnon Curse. However, The MacKinnon Curse is a 67 page prequel; a great back story I read after The Deepest Cut, almost wish I had read it first. Precede as you wish!

Sixteen-year-old Riley Williams has been able to see ghosts since the car crash that took her mother's life and shattered her family. Guilt-ridden over the belief that she's somehow responsible for her mom's death, Riley is desperate to see her mother's elusive spirit to gain her forgiveness.

Obviously, some of these are more than one book. However, you will understand once you read the first one that you will NEED to read the rest of the series. I can do another update next month with some more of my absolute favorite books that you may want to read!

Sincerely,

Your Fellow Book Lover

(originally written by me on May 23, 2016)

#books & libraries #bookaddict #bookish #booklr #bookworm #books and reading #book recommendations #book related

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intyaleglorfindeliel · 4 months

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The Northern Lights, as seen from my front yard (approximately 34.79 degrees north).

#aurora borealis #northern lights #this has been an update in the life of Lacey

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muniimyg · 2 years

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27 | truth and timing

// series m.list

SEND AN ASK TO BE ADDED TO THE SERIES TAGLIST

wc: 1.3k~

warnings: nudity, spitting, precÜm, edging?, cöckwarming, nd crying 🫶🏻 momentary fücking (don’t b like them, pls have safe seggz) // aka smut vs angst : WHO WILL WIN????

tags: @awseokjin @finelinememories @yoongimentita7 @notlivingsstuff @kakixaku @4ksj @marilo11 @vantxx95 @i44nishi @jeonkoookiee @fancycollectormoon @vcnvs666 @yoonabeo @ohoratoint-blog @wrmnssoul @lovelysmp @samanthalovesihop @vizgo @spinster-sisters @gotbangtanlads @joonsjuice @rkive994 @artsxpe @jihoontime @halesandy @lmfaos-things @clementineangels @livorna

note: yeah. have fun w this one friends :’) send asks to discuss your thoughts! the more asks, the faster the updates!! THANK U FOR UR TIME! MWAHHHH

Lilac.

Your lacey lilac lingerie set has him drooling before you. This is a win.

Yet, his bare chest and gray sweat pants that lazily tug around his waist make you do the same. Perhaps it’s true with what they say about life; no one ever truly wins.

Your hands keep getting lost in his hair and you can’t help but push yourself closer to him. Every shoulder bite, every kiss behind your ear, and every soft moan from Taehyung makes you feel spurts of pure bliss and sends you into a haze.

It’s so intimate. In his room, only his lamp is on, allowing the view of the city lights to illuminate the mood between you two. You’ve missed this so much. The view, his bedroom, his body, and him.

Taehyung himself hasn’t said much since you’ve arrived. Only a brief, “how was your day?” was exchanged as he placed his hands on your waist, leading you into his bedroom. There, you two wasted no time undressing each other.

Almost everything is bare. Aside from your bodies and lustful intentions, the feelings and sense of doubt between you two lingers thick in the air. It’s awkward at times too. Both unsure how fast or how slow things should go and at the same time; both too stubborn to ask one another.

A part of you hates that everything feels familiar. That through it all, this hook up doesn’t feel cold. You wish it did. Maybe it would be easier if it did.

It’s difficult, but you hold in your tears.

Taehyung wasn’t in the mood to fuck a crybaby.

It’s simple, you won’t cry.

You want him too much to jeopardize this chance. You want to taste him again like a sin or like an act of praise. It doesn’t matter. As long as it was him; you would not have it any other way.

Letting Jimin kiss you may have been the worst thing you’ve ever done in your life.

Though it was done in haste, you know deep down you should have pulled away. It’s not like you were lost in his kiss the same way you get lost in Taehyung’s eyes. It’s not like you needed closure from Jimin’s lips the same way you need another fresh start with Taehyung. Instead, it brought you so much pain and sorrow. Something as small as a kiss goodbye from a former love has caused your potential one to ache.

Truthfully, you get it.

It wasn’t fair for Taehyung. None of this is. From the first time he attempted to kiss you all the way to the stolen one—he didn’t deserve any of this. If the roles were reversed, you’d feel exactly how Taehyung feels. Maybe even worse. Maybe even more.

Yet, in your mess and in the midst of your healing; he meets you here in his bedroom, more than ready to have you fall undone before him.

Taehyung brushes his thumb over your bottom lip, singalling you to open your mouth. Cupping your mouth, you abide as he leans over you. He gathers and smirks at you devilishly before he spits into your mouth. He lets go and nods at you, telling you to swallow.

Quickly, he spins you around and rests his hand on top of your breasts. You let out a muted moan as he keeps his grip on them while he brings his other hand to his mouth. For the second time tonight, he spits. Then, without warning, he dips his fingers into your folds; disregarding the lace. His fingers trace around you, swiping every now and then closer and closer to your centre.

After a moment or so, he brings you to his bed. You lay down as he towers over you, moving his pillow under your head. With the back of his hand, Taehyung traces your curves. Your body shivers at his touch. It’s so light and god, does it feel ever so romantic.

At your hips, he runs his hands over your panties. Then, he rubs you. You whimper at his move and his eyes light up the second he hears your reaction. He runs his thumb over your clit and continues to do so until the wetness of you begins to pool around. This sound is heaven to him.

“I want your tongue,” you tell him quietly. Your request is timid. You aren’t sure if you can even say such a thing. He hardly listened to you before, what makes you think he’d do it now?

Regardless, you say it anyway. It’s worth a shot. It’s worth having him near.

In response, he looks at you arrogantly and dismisses your wish. “I don’t care what you want.”

You pout, “but I want you to taste how you make me feel.”

“No feelings,” he reminds you.

Okay.

Ouch.

It’s not too long before you yearn for more of him. Your body begins to ache at his disposal. He knows it too. He knows your body well. He knows you well.

You sit up, pushing his hands away from you. Tugging on his sweats and underwear, he lets out a brief chuckle at your eagerness. Soon enough, you’re met with his length. The pre cum captivates your attention. He’s leaking.

“For me?” you praise him, “thank you.”

He rolls his eyes at you. You smile at him warmly and he can’t help but grin at your softness.

You wrap him around your small hand and glide back and forth. You look up at Taehyung as you gather your saliva from the sides of your mouth and keep your eyes locked to his as you eject so onto him. He lets out a shaky breath and it’s more than enough for you to feel at ease.

He only lets you play with him using your hands. The moment you bob your head down to suck on him, he pushes you away. Plopping to your elbows, you watch him jerk himself off a few times before he spreads your legs for you. In between them, he places himself and runs the tip along your folds.

“Please,” you whine, growing impatient.

“Please what?”

It replays.

“Please, love me.”

You sitting as a nervous wreck beside him. His desperate voice and his teary eyes invade your mind. Suddenly, you feel it again. You know this all too well.

The feeling of your lips tingling, your cheeks flushing red, and your heart melting upon every touch, every word, and every look he gives you. It’s so easy to fall apart for him. It’s so easy to love him.

So, just say it.

Get it over with.

“Where’s that bratty mouth of yours gone to?” he laughs, tilting his head at you.

You don’t reply. Instead, you hold onto his forearm and tug him closer. Taehyung takes his time with it though. Even if you decide to ask for him to hurry up and get inside you, he’d drag this moment out. He’s never been the type to hurry his way to pleasure—no, he liked to make you beg. He loves stripping you of your pride and living in the moment of you needing him more than anything or anyone in this world. He was evil like that.

He was in love with you like this.

Maybe it’s because he likes keeping you and taking your time. Maybe it’s simply for his own ego. Maybe it’s because as a learning romantic; he can’t help but agree with the cliche of how lust rushes and love waits.

Timing between you two has always been a hit or miss. It didn’t matter how many times you’d beg to the stars in the sky or to him—everything between you two happens chaotically beautiful. It’s the way it’s always been.

Right now, it’s a hit as he finally does it. This is how Taehyung likes it. Intense, intimate, and so fucking pleasurable.

“Taehyung…” you moan.

“Yes, princess?”

“... Closer, please.”

He hears you. He listens. He pushes your panties aside before he sinks himself into you—relieving your deprivation of him.

It’s fulfilling and takes you a moment to adjust to this high. He fills you up so well; you want to apologize for everything the world has done that kept you two away from each other like this. You want to beg for forgiveness regardless if you weren’t fully to blame.

As you rest your hand on his shoulders, you try to pull him closer. He pants, falling into you and immediately begins to kiss your collar bones. It’s then that an overwhelming realization takes over and makes every bit of you want to crumble. You wrap your legs around him, closing any space between you two.

Then, it becomes clear.

This will never be enough.

Taehyung could be naked with his body pressed against yours and you will still ask him to be closer. You can’t get enough of him. There is no inch of your body he has not kissed aside from your lips. No part of your heart he has not captured—no fraction of your entire being he has made you not want to love him anymore than you do right now. Especially with the weeks without him.. It’s definitely a confirmed feeling. It makes you sad it took you this long to realize and accept it. It makes you unbelievably hurt to think that you two could have just been happy together all along if you two weren’t so stubborn and conflicting.

You need him. You want him. You love—

Hold that thought.

Against your body, Taehyung feels your breath fasten. He pulls himself up and looks at you. Your eyes are watering and you puff your cheeks, beginning to blow air in and out. He pulls himself out of you and lifts you to sit up with his hand on your back.

It makes sense now why you’ve fallen into place with him. In the chaos, Taehyung is still. He is steadfast. He keeps you grounded in a way that no one ever has and at the same time, he makes you dizzy. He is everything you are and also everything you are not. He completes you in a way that is heartbreakingly beautiful.

He is love.

That fucks with you. To want someone—to need someone—for clarity. To have an urge to be with someone. To want to live life with someone. To love someone bare.

To love him.

“___, wha—”

You sniff, quickly wiping the fallen tears and push him down before you. He immediately sits up and you take the opportunity to saddle yourself on top of him. He adjusts, placing his hands on your hips as you find his length and guide it inside you.

You sink yourself into him.

No.

It’s still not enough.

You stay still, warming his cock as you try to stop your arising sobs.

“You’re crying.”

“Know-it-all,” you whimper as an attempt. He sighs as you try to recenter yourself. You take a breath in and a breath out. Taehyung looks at you with sad eyes. He isn’t sure what to feel. He isn’t sure of what to do. “So what?”

So, he tells you the truth. There’s no point in delaying it or denying it. Maybe you two rushed into this too fast. Maybe you two need more time apart.

“So.. This is really sad, ___,” Taehyung murmurs, “we don’t have to do this..”

You shake your head and huff. “I want you.”

“I know, but we can do this another time and—”

“No,” you cup his face and look into his eyes, “I want you. I’ve wanted you for so long but I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to. I moved on too fast. I liked you too fast. I fucked up too fast.”

“___, calm down,” he suggests, tucking your hair behind your ears. “We said no feelings tonight. We can deal with this tomorrow or something. Let’s just call it a night, okay? I’ll even drive you home—”

“Taehyung,” you sob, feeling the tightness in your chest increase.

Here’s the thing about the truth and timing—

“Mhmm?”

“I love you.”

When the two are near, love is the closest.

#taehyung smut #taehyung angst #taehyung fic #taehyung x oc #bts v fic #bts v fwb #bts v scenario #tae fic

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emospritelet · 3 years

Text

Heatstroke - chapter 24/24

Last time, Gold confronted Zelena over trying to frame Regina, and Lacey caught the whole show on tape. This is the final chapter! Happy endings FTW!

[AO3]

Lacey set down the camera on the shop counter, and raised an eyebrow at Gold.

“So,” she said. “What do you want to do?”

He inclined his head, lifting a hand and letting it fall.

“It appears you have a story to tell about Miss West,” he remarked. “I feel the choice is very much yours. Perhaps Mr Glass can be persuaded that running an exposé is in the public interest.”

Lacey hesitated.

“Yeah, I think he would,” she acknowledged. “It’s just - Mayor Mills doesn’t know, does she? About Zelena.”

“I don’t think so.”

“I think maybe we should tell her,” said Lacey. “Before it all comes out, I mean. That would be the decent thing to do, wouldn’t it?”

“It would,” he agreed, and let out a heavy sigh, his head rolling back. “Well, that’s unfortunate.”

“What is?”

He raised his head again, sending her a stern look.

“It appears I’ve discovered a conscience,” he said. “The rumour was I didn’t have one. I blame you for this outrage.”

Lacey giggled, and leaned in to kiss him.

“Does that mean you’ll come with me to break the news?” she asked, and he offered his arm.

“To the Mayor’s office,” he said. “I’m sure Regina will be just delighted to see us.”

“This can’t be true.” Regina was staring at Lacey’s phone, having watched the recording twice. “This - this is impossible!”

“This must be a hell of a shock,” said Lacey, and Regina shook her head.

“I always thought she disliked me, but Mal told me I was being paranoid,” she said. “All this time she was plotting to ruin my life because my mother abandoned her? The nerve of the woman!”

“I guess sibling rivalry’s tough to deal with,” said Lacey. “Makes me glad I’m an only child.”

“Well, she certainly has my mother’s ambition and vindictiveness,” said Regina, with a sigh. “I don’t suppose you know anything about the father?”

“I’m afraid not,” said Gold. “Did your mother ever hint that you had a half-sister?”

Regina shook her head.

“She never spoke about her youth,” she said. “Other than to tell me she had to fight for anything she could get and I should do the same.”

She handed the phone back to Lacey and frowned at Gold.

“Exactly how long have you known about this?” she demanded, and he smiled.

“I heard what you did,” he said.

“That wasn’t what I asked,” she said coldly. “I know you, Gold. Were you holding onto this information until it was of use to you?”

“You think I’m working against you?” he asked, in a mild tone.

“I think you never do anything that doesn’t benefit you.”

“Well, perhaps you don’t know me as well as you think,” he said. “Or perhaps we assess risks and benefits differently. Either way, you have Miss French to thank for the investigation of her past and this recording. I merely - encouraged a confession.”

“Quite the sleuthing team,” said Regina, in a dry tone. “Can we expect a new office in town? French Gold, Private Investigators?”

“I don’t mind investigating his privates,” said Lacey, and Gold shot her a very level look as Regina curled her lip.

“Thanks, I’m going to spend the rest of the evening trying and failing to get that image out of my head.”

“You’re welcome,” said Lacey cheerfully.

“The question for you,” said Gold, “is how are you going to handle this? Miss French has quite a scoop on her hands, but she wanted to bring it to you first before raising it with Mr Glass.”

Regina shot Lacey a grateful look before sitting back in her chair with a sigh.

“There’s supposed to be a debate,” she said. “The two of us up on stage. You think it’s her intention to reveal the whole sordid story in front of the whole town?”

“I don’t believe she wants the rest of the town to know,” said Gold. “If they did, then her whole campaign reeks of sour grapes. She’ll want to play on the image she’s created while she’s been here. However inaccurate it is.”

Regina growled under her breath.

“I can’t believe I’m having to go through this charade!” she snapped. “I’m supposed to stand there and - and debate her when she’s trying to frame me for corruption and destroy my life!”

“We don’t have any actual evidence that she’s tried to frame you,” said Lacey, and Regina nodded impatiently.

“I know, I know. Nothing court worthy on that tape, however much she hinted at it,” she said. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to hand it over to the Sheriff, get him to look into it.”

“If you agree to an exclusive interview with me after the debate, sure,” said Lacey quickly, and almost blushed as Gold shot her an approving look. Regina drummed her fingers on the desk.

“She’s far too good for you, Gold,” she said abruptly. “I hope you know that.”

He smirked at that, winking at Lacey.

“Oh, I’m well aware.”

Gold was finding it hard to stop grinning like an idiot now that he and Lacey were dating, and even found himself unexpectedly granting rent extensions, much to the surprise of nervous tenants. He made dinner for her again later in the week, and she stayed the night, Darcy curled at their feet as they drifted into sleep. It was pleasant being nuzzled awake by a purring cat and finding Lacey in his arms. It was a feeling he could get used to.

They had eventually managed to finish the interview, most of which was carried out in bed, and he had found himself telling her things he had previously had no intention of revealing. He blamed that on Lacey; it was difficult to maintain his usual cool distance when she was wearing his discarded shirt and looking at him as though he was a particularly delicious snack. She kept her word about giving him the final say on the article, however, and upon reading her draft, he noted that she had kept some of the more personal details to herself. He only felt the need to redact a couple of minor points about his early life, but was happy to let the remainder stand as it was. If the rest of Storybrooke was surprised at the intimacy of the piece and his sudden desire to be open about his life - well, they could all go and fuck themselves, as far as he was concerned.

The only opinions he cared about were those of his family, and it wasn’t too long before Neal called. Gold sighed as he looked at the number flashing on his phone. They’re gonna tease me relentlessly about this. Emma especially.

Shaking his head and smirking to himself, he picked up.

“Dad, hi,” said Neal. “Thought you might have called to let us know how your big social occasion went. You’re not avoiding the issue, right?”

“Of course not,” said Gold. “Been a busy week, that’s all.”

“Uh-huh. Emma thought you’d say that.” Neal sounded amused. “She’s been dying to find out about the dance, so I said I’d call for an update.”

“Tell her she needs a better hobby than worrying about my social life,” said Gold dryly. “How’s Henry? I was wondering what to get for his birthday.”

“Nice attempt at deflection, but I’m not done with you,” said Neal. “Come on, how did it go?”

“Uh - it was fine,” said Gold.

“Did you ask Lacey to dance, like I said?”

“Yes.” Gold hesitated. “We’re - uh - sort of dating now.”

Neal whooped, making him grin.

“Way to go! See, I knew you could do it!”

“Yes, well.” Gold scratched the back of his neck, feeling awkward. “It’s early days, I suppose. Very early days, but it’s going well.”

“I am so happy for you, really. Wait until I tell Emma.”

“She’s gonna tease me, isn’t she?” said Gold dryly.

“No more than usual.”

“A lot, then.”

“Hey, her teasing comes from a place of love.”

“Hmm.” Gold was amused. “Well, you can tell her I love her too.”

“And you can tell Lacey we can’t wait to meet her,” said Neal, and Gold’s grin widened.

“I believe the feeling’s mutual,” he said.

“Good. How about in two weeks’ time?”

Gold smirked to himself.

“Excellent timing,” he said. “It’s the Mayoral debate and election.”

“I’m almost certain we can find something better to do than listen to some crusty old politicians.”

“I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised,” said Gold. “It could be an interesting night.”

The evening of the debate arrived more quickly than Lacey thought possible, and she was nervous about more than just reporting the evening’s events. Gold’s son and daughter-in-law were due any minute, and there was a tiny part of her that kept whispering that they wouldn’t approve, that they would wonder why the hell Gold, with his money and power and class, was dating the likes of her. Stressing over her coverage of the election was a welcome distraction from the unwelcome internal monologue, and she concentrated on getting her things together for the debate, checking the recording equipment on Gold’s kitchen table and fretting about the sound quality.

“You’ve already checked it three times,” he said. “It’s fine.”

“I’m supposed to be writing the front page article!” she snapped. “What happens if I fuck up and don’t get anything recorded? I’m gonna look like a total idiot and Sidney won’t trust me with anything more complex than the hot dog eating contest!”

“I can record everything on my phone, if you’re worried,” he said. “Besides, don’t you do shorthand?”

“Yeah, but—”

“You’ll be fine,” he said gently, and kissed her head. “I promise.”

The doorbell rang, and Lacey started, heart thumping.

“Relax, that’ll be Neal and Emma,” said Gold, heading for the door. Lacey frowned at his back.

“Relax, my arse,” she muttered, shoving the recording equipment into its bag.

There were voices from the hall, and a sudden burst of laughter, and she closed her eyes, willing herself to calm the hell down. Footsteps from the doorway made her look up, and she was greeted by a warm smile and an outstretched hand. Gold’s son had his eyes, and curling dark hair above a ready grin.

“I’m Neal,” he said. “Really pleased to meet you.”

“Lacey,” she said, shaking his hand. “Uh - likewise.”

She was reminded vividly of the fact that she had flashed him on their first encounter, and felt a blush start to rise in her cheeks. If Neal was thinking of it too, he was better at hiding it than she was. His wife was a pretty blonde, with a kind look in her eyes and a plump baby in her arms, who was glancing around curiously at everything.

“This is Emma,” added Neal, “and that’s Henry.”

“We’ve heard a lot about you,” said Emma, shooting Gold a teasing look.

“Well, I won’t ask if it was all good, because I’m willing to bet it wasn’t,” said Lacey, and they chuckled.

“Maybe not at first,” admitted Emma. “Don’t hold it against the old bastard, though.”

“Oh, believe me, the feeling was mutual,” said Lacey.

“I’m standing right here,” said Gold evenly.

Lacey caught Emma’s eye and returned her grin. She felt herself relax a little, and leaned over to kiss Gold’s cheek.

“We got there in the end,” she said. “Uh - how hungry are you guys? I didn’t even think about dinner.”

She shot Gold a look, hoping that he would suggest something, and he nodded.

“We’ll head to Granny’s after the debate,” said Gold. “I have no doubt that Lacey will be demonstrating her excellent skill as a journalist, and I’d hate for you to miss it.”

“No pressure then,” said Lacey, and he smiled.

“You’re writing the article for the Mirror front page,” he said. “You have an exclusive with the Mayor herself after the debate. Sidney Glass clearly believes you to be as capable as I do.”

“Yeah, because I got that interview with you,” she said. “I didn’t tell him we were naked when I got most of that info.”

Neal closed his eyes with a pained expression.

“Shows ingenuity if you ask me,” said Emma abruptly. “I can usually get a ton of stuff out of Neal when we’re naked. Must run in the family.”

It was Gold’s turn to look pained. Neal put his hands over his face with a heavy sigh, and Lacey and Emma chuckled. Lacey decided that she liked both Emma and Neal very much. She zipped her bag and nodded to Gold.

“Okay,” she said. “Wish me luck.”

The town hall was filled with residents, chatting amongst themselves and casting curious glances at the empty stage. Ruby was seated next to Leroy on the third row back, and she winked at Lacey as she and Gold took their own seats. Ruby had been delighted to hear that the two of them had started seeing one another, and had only made a salacious comment to Gold on one occasion. Maybe two.

“Big turnout,” said Neal, glancing around. “I had no idea the people in this town were so into politics.”

“Usually they don’t bother,” said Gold. “The Mayor getting some competition appears to have piqued their interest.”

As though his voice had summoned her, Regina walked onto the stage, chin held high, looking calm and competent in a sharp black suit. Zelena followed, in a green dress with a soft silk scarf around her neck and gold hoops in her ears. A green folder was tucked under her arm, her hair tied up, and Lacey thought she was going for the image of a respectable school teacher. A gleam in her eye spoiled the look.

Dr Hopper was moderating the debate, and Lacey quickly checked her recording equipment and opened her laptop, rattling off a few sentences about the tense atmosphere of the hall and the opening statements from each of the candidates. Zelena gave a speech about decency and traditional values, at which Regina seemed to be stopping herself from rolling her eyes with some difficulty. Regina spoke of her record on town planning, law and order—she shot Zelena a look at that point—and prosperity.

“Thank you, ladies,” said Dr Hopper, when she was done. “Now, perhaps we’ll go to some questions from the press before we deal with those the townsfolk have submitted.”

“I have a question for Miss West,” said Lacey, in a loud, clear voice, shoving her laptop at Gold as she got to her feet.

Zelena’s mouth twisted, her smile more of a grimace.

“Of course,” she said lightly. “It’s - uh - I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten your name.”

She waved a languid hand, and Lacey felt her mouth flatten.

“Lacey French, Storybrooke Mirror,” she said evenly, and Zelena let out a tinkling laugh.

“Of course, silly me,” she trilled. “How could I forget Storybrooke’s eager young reporter? Lending the local newspaper such an air of class in that - lovely - outfit.”

There was a muttering amongst the townsfolk, and Lacey distinctly heard Ruby say ‘What a bitch!’, but she smiled sweetly as though she hadn’t understood the insult.

“Yeah, I have a question about your motivation for running for Mayor,” she said. “You said yourself you’ve never been involved in politics, so what inspired you to make this move now?”

Zelena smiled widely.

“Well, as I said, I thought about where I could do the most good,” she said. “Storybrooke is a wonderful town, with many excellent qualities, but talking to its residents has made me realise that there’s a feeling that it may be lacking direction. I sense a need for a return to the basics of community. Neighbourliness. Family values. The traditions of small-town America that we all grew up with.”

“But you grew up in England,” said Lacey. “Wasn’t your father a diplomat? How do you know this view of America is either accurate or desirable?”

Zelena’s nostrils flared as she continued to smile brightly.

“Well,” she said. “Who’s been doing her homework?”

“Yeah, it’s just that people hear politicians mention tradition and family values, and all too often it’s a smoke-screen to hide racism and homophobia,” went on Lacey. “How would you address those concerns?”

Zelena spread her hands.

“I’d say look at my record,” she said. “Since I moved here I’ve made it clear that I’m happy to work with people of all backgrounds. It’s important that no one feels left out, and my initial conversations have led me to believe that there are concerns, and that some residents feel that their interests are not - fully appreciated - by the Mayor.”

“What kind of interests?” asked Lacey quickly, before Zelena could turn away, and her mouth twisted again as she tried to keep smiling.

“As I said, some feel that traditional family values are being lost in the push for modernity,” she said. “I’d like to reassure them that I stand for everything that Storybrooke represents. Decency. Morality.”

“Does that mean you think the Mayor is immoral?” asked Lacey, and Zelena pulled a face.

“I think there have been some questionable decisions at city hall under her watch, yes,” she said. “Does anyone really think that a seedy bar called Queens of Darkness is fitting for this town?”

“It’s a jazz club,” said Regina. “And there’ll be dance lessons each week. A perfectly respectable establishment, run by three accomplished businesswomen.”

Zelena let out that insincere laugh again, and Lacey sat down, retrieving her laptop from Gold and opening it up as Zelena addressed the room.

“Well, it’s not only the company the Mayor keeps,” she said. “We’ve all heard the rumours. Missing money, accounts not holding quite as much as people thought…”

“That’s an outrageous lie,” said Regina coldly. “Where’s your evidence, Miss West?”

Zelena smirked, as though she had been waiting for that very question. She held up the green folder, showing it to the room.

“I have the evidence right here,” she announced. “A brave employee of city hall managed to smuggle this out to me. Evidence that the Mayor has been embezzling town funds!”

There was a shocked intake of breath around the room. Lacey typed furiously.

“How dare you!” snapped Regina. “That’s a lie and you know it!”

“I believe this is my allotted time to speak!” Zelena snapped back. “I think the people of Storybrooke deserve to know exactly who you really are, don’t you? They should understand the choice before them!”

The doors at the end of the hall opened, and there was the sound of heavy boots on the floor. Zelena looked surprised, and then somewhat nervous, and a low-level muttering started up in the audience. Lacey glanced over her shoulder, watching as Sheriff Graham Humbert walked towards the stage with his deputy Dorothy Gale by his side. Regina appeared to be drumming her fingers on the lectern, and Lacey couldn’t work out whether it was anxiety or impatience.

“Miss West,” said Graham. “We’d like you to come with us, please.”

“Why?” demanded Zelena. “I’m a little busy winning this election, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

“It’s a matter of obstruction of justice,” said Graham. “If you could come to the station, please.”

Zelena opened and closed her mouth, a sudden flicker of fear in her eyes.

“What if I say no?”

“I’d prefer not to have to handcuff you,” said Graham.

“But we will if we have to,” added Dorothy, folding her arms.

“This is a conspiracy!” blurted Zelena, waving a finger at Regina. “Did the Mayor put you up to this? This is exactly the kind of corruption I’m talking about! The Sheriff being used as the Mayor’s enforcer!”

“Miss West…”

“Mayor Mills will do whatever it takes to silence me!” she went on. “She’s scared I’ve exposed her for what she is!”

“Miss West, I didn’t want to have to arrest you, but…”

“One hint of competition and she calls in her - her goon squad to crush it!”

“Oh, for God’s sake, I know you’re my sister!” said Regina loudly.

Silence fell, and Lacey hurriedly typed a few sentences, describing the shocked atmosphere of the town hall. Zelena was staring at Regina, eyes wide and nostrils flaring.

“I wasn’t going to mention it,” said Regina, curling her lip. “I wanted to give you a chance to be a decent person and deal with this in an honourable way. But since you’re determined to try to ruin my life for no good reason, then yes. I’m well aware we share the same mother, and frankly she’d be disappointed at this pathetic bid for attention.”

“How dare you—”

“I believe it’s my turn to speak,” interrupted Regina. “We’ve listened to enough of your rambling this evening. Since you’d been dropping hints about corruption in my office, I had Sheriff Humbert investigate. He told me earlier this evening that someone had been planting evidence to try to frame me. No doubt that’s what he wants to speak to you about.”

“This is—”

“The residents of Storybrooke know how seriously I take my duties as Mayor,” Regina went on, addressing the room as a whole now. “They know that I value their support and their trust. Of course I’d want any threat to that to be investigated. I’m just - I’m beyond disappointed that the threat comes from my half-sister.”

Her voice echoed around the silent room. Lacey was watching the townsfolk avidly, their eyes fixed on Regina as she spoke.

“I had no idea that my mother had had a daughter before me, no idea that I had another family member out there in the world,” she went on. “Her coming to Storybrooke should have been a time of joy and reunion. But instead of her reaching out to me, she tries to undermine me, to take away the most important job I have in this town.”

She looked down, shaking her head, and Gold leaned in close.

“I wonder how much of this is for the benefit of the voters and how much is genuine,” he murmured.

“Maybe fifty-fifty,” Lacey whispered back, and he nodded in agreement.

Regina raised her head, taking a deep breath, as though steeling herself for something unpleasant. Graham and Dorothy had edged towards the stage, Dorothy removing the cuffs from her belt.

“All I can do now,” said Regina, “is trust that justice will take its course.”

“You know nothing about justice!” shouted Zelena, as the Sheriff started reading her her rights. “You’ll pay for this! All of you!”

She was still yelling when Dorothy handcuffed her and marched her from the room. The sound of the doors closing was very loud in the silence that remained.

“Well,” said Regina, placing her hands on the lectern and looking around the room. “I think we can all agree that this was one of the more - eventful - political debates this town has seen.”

There was a ripple of nervous laughter, and she smiled.

“I truly hope that Miss West gets the help she so desperately needs,” she went on. “And when she has, I want her to know that she’s welcome to visit with Mallory and I. After all, we may not be able to choose our family, but that makes it all the more important to nurture the bonds we share with those around us.”

There were noises of agreement from the audience, and Gold leaned in close again.

“Ever the politician,” he murmured, and Lacey nodded.

“Storybrooke is like an extended family to me,” went on Regina, “and all families have their moments of conflict and frustration, but underneath that there is respect for one another, and a common set of values. I believe I have lived by those values for every year that I’ve served as your Mayor. I will always reach out to those in need and I will always act in the best interests of this town. Under my leadership, Storybrooke will continue to prosper. I guarantee it.”

There was applause, and a couple of cheers, and Regina nodded, looking extremely self-satisfied. She started taking questions, and Gold kissed Lacey’s cheek and whispered that he would see her in the diner when she was done. She watched him leave with his family, Emma balancing the baby on her hip and Neal pushing the stroller after them. Lacey turned back to listen to Regina field a question about the state of the town’s roads, bent her head to her laptop, and began typing up her article on the Mayoral debate.

She emailed the article over to Sidney before leaving for the diner, and walked back there with Ruby, who was chattering about the drama that had unfolded. Regina had been in her element when answering the remaining questions, and Lacey had felt a surge of satisfaction over her part in exposing a crime. Perhaps small town life offered the chance for rewarding work after all. She could see Gold and his family through the window, and his face lit up as she entered, making her stomach flip. Damn the man. I’m falling in love with him.

“Excellent job this evening,” he said, getting up to pull her chair out and kissing her cheek. “I got you a rum and coke, I hope that’s okay.”

“Perfect,” she said fervently, and took a slurp, relishing the taste on her tongue.

“How’d the Mayor look at the end of all that?” asked Emma, and Lacey pulled a face.

“The whole place gave her a round of applause, and she was looking about as satisfied as she could, I guess,” she said. “I still feel kind of sorry for her. Not every day you find out you have a half sister. Especially one that’s out to get you.”

“Well, it could have been a lot worse,” said Gold. “I very much doubt Miss West will present much of a challenge from a jail cell.”

Lacey nodded, taking another sip of her drink.

“Does this mean you and Regina are friends now?” she asked, and Gold smirked.

“Oh, I wouldn’t go that far,” he said. “What’s that term the kids use these days?”

“Frenemies?”

“That’s the one.”

“Kind of like we were,” she observed, and he laughed.

“Regina would fillet me with a letter opener if I even contemplated looking at her the way I look at you.”

“No, I don’t mean that,” she said. “I just meant - well, we kind of had that thing where we poked at each other to get a reaction, right?”

Gold looked as though he was trying very hard not to laugh, and she swatted his arm.

“Stop thinking about dirty stuff! You know what I mean!”

“I do,” he acknowledged. “And I, for one, am very glad that we - er - got the reaction we wanted.”

“You’re still thinking about dirty stuff, aren’t you?” said Emma shrewdly, and Gold shrugged.

“Maybe a little.”

They ate ribs, sticky with Granny’s special sauce, licking it from their fingers and washing it down with beer and wine and rum. By the time they got out into the cool night air, Lacey felt wonderfully tipsy, and regretted putting on her high heels earlier in the evening. At least there was no one else around to see if she fell on her arse, she supposed. Neal and Emma were walking ahead, pushing the stroller and talking quietly, and Lacey let out a sigh, slipping her arm through Gold’s for support, and resting her head on his shoulder.

“I ate too much,” she said, and Gold chuckled.

“We all ate too much.”

“You didn’t throw half of it over your lap, though.”

“No, I thought I’d leave that to you.”

“Stupid gravity,” muttered Lacey, and he laughed, squeezing her arm with his.

“Tired?” he asked.

“Yeah. Long day.”

“Maybe you should have an early night.”

She glanced up at him, and he was grinning at her, his eyes twinkling.

“How’s that gonna work?” she asked flatly. “Your family’s staying over. No way I’m letting you give me screaming orgasms while they’re in the room next door.”

“In that case I could sneak over to yours,” he suggested. “You could scream to your heart’s content.”

Lacey giggled, barging him affectionately with her shoulder.

“I think I love you, Mr Gold,” she said, and Gold stopped dead, turning to face her with a stunned look on his face.

“Really?”

Lacey turned to face him, taking his hand.

“Really,” she said. “I mean I’m kind of drunk, but that’s not why I’m saying it. I think I’ve sort of been in love with you for a while now. Is that okay?”

He was staring at her, wide-eyed, and a softness seemed to spill over his features, making his eyes gleam as he smiled.

“Well,” he said. “I think I love you, too, Miss French. Is that okay?”

“More than okay.”

He seemed to hesitate for a moment, then raised his chin.

“D’you want to move in?” he asked.

“Can I bring Darcy?”

“Of course.”

“Then you got a deal.”

He was grinning, and she found herself grinning back, her heart swelling with love for him.

“Let’s wait until after Neal and Emma go before I move in, though,” she said. “I think you said something about screaming orgasms?”

Gold’s grin turned wicked, and he bent his head to kiss her.

“I’ll be over later.”

She let his lips pull at hers, leaning in to feel the warmth of his body as his arms went around her, and let out a sigh of contentment. Yes. Life in a small town could be amazing.

#fic: heatstroke #golden lace fic #rumbelle fic #golden lace #rumbelle #my fic

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daddynegandesires · 3 years

Text

Secrets chapter 1

Summary: Daddy Negan and (y/n) had a falling off with eachother but what happens when a new man pops up in his life trying to be a better father than he was at taking care of his little girl and his use to be girlfriend.

Warning: jealousy, anger, fighting, some smut, violence, cheating

18+

(Updated)

*flashback*

Objects were flying all over the house (y/n) was screaming at the top of her lungs chucking any items she sees in her way at negan.

"Hey!...hey! Calm the fuck down!!" Negan yelled dogging the picture frame that came flying at his head shattering on the wall behind him.

"You fucking peice of shit! I knew you were screwing around behind my back!" Tears streaming down your face you marched to the kitchen grabbing a big knife out of the knife block streching your arm out towards negan with the sharp tip almost grazing against his throat.

Negan quickly grabbed your hand steady that was holding the knife trying to persuade you to put it down your whole body was on fire shaking with rage.

"Baby....put the knife down...you dont want to do this" negan slowly began pushing your hand away sliding the knife out of your grip placing it on the counter behind him.

"M....mommy..." A small frightened little voice called out from the hallway

You instantly collapsed on the floor with your back sliding down the kitchen counter in tears resting your head in your hands

*end of flashback*

"Ellie!...come get your breakfast baby!" You called out while spreading the last bit of peanut butter on her toast and placing it on the counter next to her OJ.

" goodmornin mommy!" Ellie sweetly called out before hopping up in her chair slopply chugging down her OJ spilling it down her face

" haha Slow down hunny i dont want you to choke" giving her a little kiss on her forehead sitting down next to her

"Can i see daddy today?" Ellie ask curiously while chomping down on her peanut butter toast giving me goofy faces after each bite.

The doorbell rings and ellie jumps straight out of her chair running up to the door flinging it out impatiently.

"Hey babygirl!" Negan bends down to her level swooping her up in his arms giving her small little kisses all over her cheeks closing the door behind him.

"I miss you daddy" ellie said giggling

You were still sitting at the table swirling the spoon in your bowl of cereal zoning out. Hearing his voice still hurts hell even just looking at him hurts you. You loved him you wanted to marry him a part of you still hasn't forgave him for what he did to you. He ruined this relationship...you were snapped out of your thoughts when negan and ellie came and sat down at the table with you.

"Hi..." He says sitting ellie down in her chair

"Hey...." You say quietly giving him a half smile

"How have you been?" He sits down next to you grabbing an apple from the fruit basket

You wanted to tell him the truth you wanted him to know how bad you actually hurt how you lay awake at night crying and blaming yourself for everything.

"Im okay....haha..." You nervously shift in your chair about to speak but the front door opens your heart begins to race at the fact that its a guy you have been seeing that negan doesnt know about.

"Hi jack!!" Ellie playfully yells out

"Hey kiddo!" Jack walks into the kitchen scruffing up the hair ontop of ellies head before turing to you and negan in a silence

"Hey baby..." Jack lands a kiss on your cheek while not breaking eye contact with negan.

There was a long awkward tension between the two of them untill negan gor up from his chair walking over to ellie.

"Jack??...hi, im negan ellies dad" he says with a god awful smirk on his face he extends out his arm for a handshake

"Hi negan nice to meet you...im (y/n) new boyfriend" he closes the hand shake with his hand before pulling away

" well would you look at that....boyfriend huh?" negan glares in your direction you dont dare stare up at him your face was getting flushed

"Well on that note me and ellie should be heading out, right KiDdO?" Negan said in a mocking voice before swooping ellie up

"Wait i have her bag packed its in her room" you quickly said hopping up from your seat running to the room to grab it. You handed the bag off to negan he slung it over his shoulder with ellie in his other arm standing on the porch.

"Have fun i love you baby"giving ellie a quick kiss on her cheek

"Ill have her back before 8....i promise" negan leaned in and gave you a small kiss on your cheek without breaking eye contact with jack standing behind her.

-------

"I dont think negan likes me ha..." Jack lets out a small laugh

"He does....he is just...protective" you begin cleaning up the kitchen and doing dishes when jack comes up behind you grinding his soon to be hard cock on your ass

"Jack....i have to go get ready for our date" your face beings to flush and you spin around landing a kiss on his lips

"Mmm...you always taste so good...." His hands now on your hips

You grinned at jack before slipping out of his grasp. You snuck off to the bathroom andclosed the door behind you running the water in the bathtub you slipped off your clothes slowly lowering yourself into your hot bathwater. Laying there with your eyes closed your phone buzzed and startled you. Your dripping wet hand reached over and picked it up seeing that it was a text from negan.

From negan:

So you got yourself a young new boy toy..

You opened the message and scoffed at what he had sent you, you tossed your phone back down on your towel before it buzzed again.

From negan:

Dont ignore me....

"Asshole...." You whispered to yourself before slipping out of the tub drying yourself off with your towel. You walk over to your closet pulling out a skin tight black dress with black high heels. Slipping on your black bra and black lacey thong you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror youve always struggled with your body image because your thighs were bigger than most girls and negan always made you feel better about yourself when it came to situations like that. Snapping yourself out of your thoughts you apply the rest of your makeup and head out witb jack to dinner.

"You look sexy..." Jack complimented you kissing on your neck

"Thank you..." Looking up at him through your dark mascara filled lashes and biting at your ruby red lipstick

--------

Jack had dropped you off back at home when you instantly heard negans car pull up in the drive way. 8 o'clock on the dot. This man never plays around. You opened the door to se negans face in awe.

"Je-sus!..hello hot mommy..where have you been" negan walked through the door biting at his lip with ellie asleep in his arms.

"I went on a date....its none of your concern" you said with your hands on your hips your dress hugged your curves in all the right places. Negan went to go lay ellie down when you stepped outside to light a cigarette.

"Smoking again huh..." Negan stepped outside beside you

" i never stopped..." You took a long drag on your cigarette your ruby red lips parting letting the smoke roll out of your mouth

"Why did you ignore me..."

"Im none of your concern anymore...so dont act so fucking generous" you said annoyingly throwing your cigarette on the ground stepping on it with your heel

"Fiesty.....i miss that" negans tongue slipped across his bottom lip

You were about to open the door to walk back inside when negan grabbed you by the waist tightly causing you to moan pushing your body up agaisnt the brick wall on the porch. His hand making his way up to your throat gently applying pressure his lips lightly grazed yours feeling his stubble from his beard on your cheeks. He moved in closing the gap between your bodies you could feel his rock hard cock bulding in his jeans only causing your pussy to be wet even more.

"Negan i cant do this...i have jack" innocently moaning

"what he doesnt know wont hurt him..." He whispered in your ear giving you goosebumps

You snapped out of it realizing what he just said is the same thing he said to the woman that he cheated on you with. You shoved him off of you.

"Negan go!...now!" You pointed at him to leave before slamming the door in his face crying storming off to your bedroom.

(Let me know if you guys want another chapter!❤❤)

#negan x you #negan x reader #negan #jdm #jeffrey dean morgan

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dailyonce · 2 years

Text

It has been a while, hasn’t it? I didn’t know how to begin this post after being absent for so long. As you may have noticed, the blog hasn’t been updated since October last year, and I want to, first and formost, apologize for that. As an admin, I found it hard to balance uni and work whilst keeping Daily Once running. After a while it just stopped, for all of us I suppose. “Life happened” is all that I can say (with the risk of sounding like a cliché). But we want to change that and be more active on here so that this kind of random hiatus doesn’t happen again.

Through Daily Once, we’ve been able to see the ouat fandom come together and create the most amazing things. It has truly been such a beautiful thing to see everyone get excited during our events and we don’t want that to ever go away. We want to keep being a space where creators can be seen and supported, and a place that keeps the spirit of the show alive through all of you. It makes me sad that this hiatus has been going on for as long as it has, but hopefully, that will change in the near future.

We’ll try our hardest to keep the queue rolling, so keep tagging us in your gorgeous creations with #userdailyonce. And if you would like to help us out and become a member you can always submit your application here.

Stay tuned for things to come 💜

– Lacey (admin)

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keanureevesisbae · 4 years

Text

So Henry, you want to start a YouTube channel? - Chapter 1

Summary: Twenty five year old YouTuber Sandy Choi has no idea that one of her five million subscribers is the one and only Henry Cavill. When he asks her to help him out with starting his own YouTube channel, she falls more and more in love with her. But she should’ve known that dating one of the most desirable bachelors, does come with a prize.

Henry Cavill x Sandy Choi (ofc)

Warnings: None

Wordcount: 3.7k

A/N: If you want to be on the taglist, please let me know xx

Masterlist // Channel introduction // Previous chapter // Next chapter

It is finally done. I somehow finished the final edits of my newest novel. I mean, I love the book with all my heart and I do think that it’s one of the best books I’ve ever written so far, but if I have to read it one more time, I’m going to scream. In about a week, the advanced reader copies will go to the first beta readers. It’s a nerve wrecking part, but it does mean that the moment my book is going to be on the shelves, is one step closer.

To celebrate this glorious event, I decide to go my favorite cafe and edit my next YouTube video. Other people meditate, do yoga or get some exercise in to relax. For me editing is my form of relaxation.

Never in a million years would I have imagined that I would have five million subscribers. Five million people around the globe enjoy watching my vlogs, while I highly doubt I’m that interesting. Sure, I nowadays do photoshoots, some editorials and I still dance quite a lot, but besides that, I’m homebody, who writes a lot and to get out of the house, visits cafes.

I grab my backpack and start packing my laptop, the charger and my AirPods. I’m tempted to bring my Nintendo Switch with me, so I can play some Animal Crossing (I’ve been kind of neglectful of my island, sorry Tom Nook), but I leave my Switch in its charger.

Before I leave my apartment, I take a quick selfie, to upload for my Instagram Stories. It’s just a simple mirror selfie, showing off my outfit. Since it’s pretty hot outside (it’s July tenth and London has been trapped in a very intense heatwave), I opted for some high waisted denim shorts, a simple white crop top and some matching white sneakers. I do bring a white blazer with me, since the cafe usually has its air-conditioning on and I don’t want to freeze to death.

To be honest, before I got famous on YouTube, I never was impressed with my looks, my style or my life really. I had to celebrate my twenty first birthday alone, to realize I was pretty much wasting my life. Because of the weather, my plans to travel back to my family were cancelled and when I was staring at the cupcake with one candle on it, I realized I barely had memories from my time in college and I was already in year two.

I started to document certain moments in my life, but with all the footage I had of one whole week, I could make a two minute video out of it. But everything I filmed, had to be extravagant and then I asked myself: why does it have to be extravagant to be important enough to film? I should live my own life like I’m the main character, not a side character. I should romanticize life more. All of the sudden, I began noticing how beautiful the sky would look when I went outside for a walk, how the flowers start to bloom when it’s spring and how cozy certain cafes are.

When I uploaded my first YouTube video, I barely had subscribers, but all of the sudden more than thousand people thought my life was interesting enough to watch and a whole year later, I had 200k subscribers. I always figured that it would stay around that number, but once I graduated, published a book and moved to London, my subscriber count went up with a rapid speed. My 500k subscriber hit was unbelievable, my one million subscriber hit was beyond me, but hitting five million subscribers… It’s weird and thank God I have now reached a certain plateau, because seeing my subscriber count going up with the speed that it went back in the day, scared the living shit out of me.

Once I’m at my favorite cafe, I order a cappuccino and some vanilla cake, before I sit down and get ready for some editing. I used to spend way too much time on editing my videos, but now I finally have found a way to be more efficient.

Time ticks by. I see multiple people leave, I order some ice tea and another soda to keep hydrated and finally I take my AirPods out and put them in their case. I’ve been here for a few hours now and I maybe should leave. I don’t want to overstay my welcome here.

Before I can get up, my phone rings and I pick up when I see it’s Lacey. We met on the plane to London. She went to UCLA, but moved back to England after she was done with school. She told me about what she was going to do in London—becoming a librarian and honestly, that’s a dream—and somehow we hit it off. She was my first and only friend here in London. Of course, through her I met multiple people that I like, but I’m always a bit awkward around them, just like I’m shy around practically anyone I have never met.

‘Hi La—’

‘I have a new fling and he is having a party tonight,’ she simply interrupts me.

‘So much for a hello,’ I chuckle. ‘What fling was this again?’

‘This is the guy I met at the zoo.’ For someone who is a librarian, she meets an awful lot of guys. When I think of a librarian, I think of an older lady with a pencil skirt and grey hair in an updo, but not Lacey, who rocks short skirts like no other. She usually has a new guy every week, but the guy from the zoo… I don’t know if I remember correctly, but I think he is around for more than a week.

‘Hasn’t he been around for like two weeks?’ I ask her.

‘Yes, he is.’

‘And you aren’t tired of him yet?’ I start to pack my bag, while I clutch the phone between my ear and shoulder. ‘What was his name again?’

‘His name is Jackson and he is such a handsome guy, so you want to join us for the party? You can say no, Sandy, because this guy has parties every other week.’

‘I just finished my deadline for the new book,’ I say. ‘I think I just want to chill at home, to be honest.’

‘Totally understand. You are one a hard working woman and I know that parties can be pretty stressful for you.’ I can hear her smile through her voice. ‘I’m really proud of you for finishing that book, always remember that.’

‘Thanks, Lacey. Say hi to Jackson from me and tell him I’ll meet him soon. If he is still around then, of course.’

Lacey starts to laugh. ‘Oh, this one will be still around. I really like this guy and every morning, he sends me a good morning text, including a bad joke.’

‘That is oddly adorable.’ I wave to the barista’s as I leave the cafe. Shit, it’s hot. Like I’m stepping into an oven. Thank God I packed my white bucket hat and I put it on, to prevent my dark hair from frying my brain.

‘It is. Oh, he is calling me. Love you, doll.’

‘Love you too. Have fun tonight.’ I hang up the phone, while I move slowly through the streets of London. I’ve never really been a party type. For me it’s always a chore, never a pleasant event.

Being heavily introverted as I am, I enjoy my time reading on the couch, being by myself. Sometimes I wished I had an animal to keep me company, but my landlord is an asshole and prohibits any sort of pet. Maybe one day I can finally move out here, find myself a better place and become happy there with a nice dog.

Maybe tonight I can film my newly updated evening routine. I haven’t done that in ages and a lot has changed since the last time I did it. For a second I’m doubting my earlier decision of not going to the party with Lacey, but I shake off that thought.

Tonight I’m staying home.

As usual.

⟢⟡⟣

Who needs an alarm, when the sun can wake you up, nearly blinding you in the process? I roll around in my bed and am about to drift away again, continuing the beautiful dream of me being wrapped in Henry Cavill’s thick arms on this Sunday morning, when my phone rings.

Groaning I push myself up, grabbing my phone from the nightstand. I sigh deeply when I see it’s Lacey who video calls me. ‘Why on earth do you want to video chat with me?’ I ask her with a sleepy voice, still groggy from just waking up. I rub my eyes, hoping that that will wake me up. After I filmed my summer night routine, I fell fast asleep and when I look at my alarm clock, I slept a whole nine hours.

Well done, Sandy.

‘I have been trying to call you since five a.m.. Why aren’t you picking up your phone?’ Lacey asks impatiently, looking genuinely annoyed.

‘Sometimes I wonder if you even hear yourself. I was asleep at five a.m., as a normal person does.’

Lacey rolls her big doll like eyes. She actually looks like those porcelain dolls, the same ones that my creepy neighbor back home collected and put on display for the entire neighborhood to see. Blonde curls bounce around her face and for someone who partied the entire night, she actually looks really good and is way too awake. ‘I have a story for you and normally I don’t want to talk you into feeling guilty, but for this occasion I’ll make an exception.’

‘That doesn’t explain why you want to video chat with me.’

‘Just wait.’

I sit up straight in bed, placing a pillow against my back, so I can lean against the headboard. I pull my knees up to my chest, to lean my arm on. ‘Tell me, Lacey, what happened?’

‘So, I arrived at the party around eleven and Jackson was waiting for me at the door. He was being a true gentleman, kissed my cheek and when we walked inside, he kept introducing me to people, saying how at the end of the night, I was going to be his girl. To spoil the end for you: I am his girl now and we had steamy sex back at his place.’

As fantastic as that may sound for her, why does she the need to share this with me? I mean, I am happy for her that this Jackson guy is a nice guy and if she is actually going to date him, that’s great, but I don’t want to hear it. It’ll make me feel even more single.

‘Anyways, while Jackson is introducing me, I feel someone is staring at me. So I look around me, only to find one guy watching me. I try to squint you know, to see who that guy is and I think to myself: wow, that guy looks an awful lot like Henry Cavill.’

I start to chuckle. ‘How much did you have to drink at that moment?’

‘None, totally sober. Jackson pulls me with him and eventually introduces me to his friend Henry Cavill.’

Oh my God, I think I forgot how to breath. ‘You are telling me that the guy who you met at the zoo, who is probably more than just a fling to you and threw a party last night, is friends with the Henry Cavill?’

‘The same Henry Cavill you refuse to follow on Instagram, because you can’t handle that much gorgeousness on your feed.’

No need to attack me like that, I think to myself. I just woke up and was hit with the realization that I could’ve met Henry Cavill last night, but I didn’t want to go to a party. Tip for next time: always say yes when this Jackson guy is throwing a party.

‘Moving on with the story, Henry—yes, I’m on a first name basis with him—kept gawking at me and finally he asked me if we knew each other. I shrugged, telling him how I’m just a simple librarian, that usually doesn’t mingle with hot celebrities. Later on, I don’t know how exactly Jackson, Henry and I got to that topic, but I casually said something along the lines of that I’m friends with the Sandy Choi. Henry nearly loses all the color in his face and Jackson starts to laugh his ass off.’

Where is this story going? What the hell is going on?

Lacey starts to laugh out loud and manages to add: ‘Jackson tells me that mister Henry Cavill is a huge fan of yours and literally drops everything whenever you post a new video and how he had an almost heart attack when you mentioned him in your July first vlog. According to Jackson, he has been questioning your comment saying that you haven’t had your fair share of Henry Cavill today ever since.’

This isn’t happening. This honestly can’t be happening right now. Lacey is totally messing with me. ‘Sure.’

‘I can see you are questioning my fantastic story, so let me show you this then.’ She shares her screen with me and shows me a picture of her, this Jackson fella and Henry fucking Cavill, looking insanely handsome as he usually does. His hair is slightly growing out, revealing some lovely curls of his and he is wearing a white blouse. The buttons are hanging on for dear life. I’m mentally kicking myself. Why didn’t I go to this party? I mean, I would’ve probably embarrassed myself, but still: I could’ve admired him from a far. In real life.

Lacey stops sharing her screen with me and smiles widely in the camera. ‘And Jackson mentioned something about pressuring him into following you on Instagram and sliding into your DM’s, but mister Cavill is petrified of doing such thing, so… I decided to give him your number and I think he already texted you.’

I swipe the video chat away, while I start looking through my Whatsapp chats. I see I have some messages from my manager, my editor, my dad and an unknown number.

‘Did he text you?’

I click on the chat, ignore what it says and press on his profile picture. ‘It’s him,’ I say. ‘It’s really him.’ I admire the photo for a second. His thick and strong arms wrapped around his dog. God, I was dreaming about something like that just minutes ago and now all of the sudden, he has my number?

‘What did he write?’

I check the chat and see that the man wrote a paragraph, instead of multiple tiny texts. That is absolutely adorable.

‘I can see you and your grin,’ Lacey says, reminding me that I might’ve swiped away the video chat, she can indeed still see me. ‘Come on, Sandy, read it to me. I deserve to know what he wrote, since I’m the reason he has your number and texted you in the first place.’

She has a valid point and to be fair, I’d probably share it with her anyways. Best to do it now. ‘Hi Sandy, I swear I’m not a creepy stalker. I’m Henry Cavill and I met your friend Lacey at the party last night. She was kind enough to give me your number. I have no idea what she told you about last night, but I just wanted to let you know that your vlogs really help me to get through my days and that you are truly an inspiration to all young people out there.’

‘This is legit the cutest thing that has ever happened!’ Lacey squeals.

Though I agree, I keep staring at the text. This is what he thinks of me? He thinks I’m an inspiration to all young people out there? My videos help him through his day? ‘I’m going to hang up,’ I say to Lacey, ‘and figure out what to text him back.’

‘Wait,’ she says, ‘you’re not going to tell me what you texted back to Henry fucking Cavill?’

I pull up our video conversation again and shake my head. ‘No, I’m not. Thank you for giving him my number, Lacey, but please don’t make a habit out of it. Thank you. Love you. Bye.’

Before I can hear what she has to say, I hang up on her and look at his text again. My heartbeat is finally normalizing again, though my palms are still sweaty. I need to text him back, because that is a polite thing to do.

But what do I text back to a man like him, especially after he told me such a nice and lovely things? I mean, how do I top that? I can tell him the things I told Lacey whenever we would watch something that he starred in. I could say that I thought he was hot in the Witcher or that they should’ve included shirtless scenes of him in Mission Impossible. I could—

Oh my God, he is online!

I nearly die of panic, throwing my phone away from me on the bed. Maybe hanging up on Lacey was the dumbest thing I could’ve done. I need her help. She knows what she could say to him.

Lord knows how long I’m thinking about a response and I know that I should text him back. I finally wrote something and before I can regret it, I press send.

Sandy: Hi, Lacey indeed told me about last night. I honestly can’t believe that you watch my vlogs and that they help you get through your days. Hearing kind words like these from any subscriber honestly means the world to me 😊

And now we wait. He wasn’t online when I pressed send, so I probably won’t get an answer from him any ti—

Ping.

He already answered? Oh no, no, no, I have to let this moment sink in for a second. He can’t already texted me back. Please, let this be my mother, telling me I need to take my cod liver oil, please let this be her.

Henry Cavill: Do I want to know what she told you?

This sounds cheeky, I can handle cheeky. I can answer to this. I’m an adult woman, who is just texting with someone who is a fan. I can handle fan encounters.

Sort of.

Besides, I can think about the right response, so this is only in my advantage.

Sandy: Just that you are a big fan of my vlogs and drop everything when I post a new video.

Henry Cavill: Right, that’s not too bad, I guess.

Sandy: And that according to your friend Jackson, you almost had a heart attack when I mentioned you in my vlog and you have been questioning my fair share of Henry Cavill of today comment.

Henry Cavill: Great…

Sandy: It’s kind of flattering to be totally honest with you.

Henry Cavill: I’m just dying of embarrassment, give me a minute.

I can’t help but to chuckle. It’s weird, that I’m actually talking to Henry Cavill right now. Who would’ve ever thought that that would happen to me? I decide not to share the Instagram and sliding into my DM’s story that Lacey shared with me.

Sandy: I hope that Lacey haven’t told any embarrassing stories about me.

Henry Cavill: Just that you went to Mission Impossible: Fall Out three times in the cinema and that you commented all those three times that there wasn’t enough of me in it.

Okay, now it’s my turn to die of embarrassment. I feel like he is sparing me the need to fall into a deep hole of embarrassment, since he doesn’t mention Lacey adding to it that there wasn’t enough ass and the lack of shirtlessness on his part, because I said that all those three times as well. I know my friend and I know that she told him that.

Sandy: Right… I’m sorry.

Henry Cavill: It was pretty flattering and good for my ego 😉

⟢⟡⟣

Henry—yes I’m on a first name basis with him now as well, but I have yet to change his name in my phone—and his texts have caused tiny disasters around my apartment.

I burned my pancakes, because he kept distracting me with texts, causing the fire alarm to go off. Because I wanted to shut the thing up, I had to stand on a chair, but my brain was still with those texts, so I nearly broke my neck when I fell off it.

While I was filling the kettle with water, I forgot the tap was still running, causing the thing to overflow with water. I stubbed my toe not once, not twice, but three times on the same table leg.

But despite that, talking to Henry has been such a nice thing all morning and the first half of the afternoon. He keeps on complimenting me on my editing, saying what his favorite moments are in my vlogs, while I on my term share about the favorite moments of his interviews, his movies. It’s obvious that we are fans of one another, so having it out in the open, doesn’t feel weird or uncomfortable.

But nothing prepares me for his latest text.

Henry Cavill: I’m going out for a walk with Kal, since it’s cooling down now. You want to join us?

I know I should answer him and I should answer him now, but I keep pacing around my living room. Going out with him on a walk, means talking to him. Like using my vocal cords to communicate with him, talking to him. Am I ready for that? What if I disappoint? I’m probably going to disappoint.

I take a deep breath. You didn’t went to the party last night, so you should go now, Sandy, I tell myself. You can do it. He is inviting you, meaning he wants to hang out with you. That is a good sign.

Sandy: Sure, I just need to get ready. I think I’m ready in about thirty minutes.

Henry Cavill: I’ll share my location, so you know where to go to, okay?

Taglist: @flhorah // @henrythickcavill // @toomanystoriessolittletime

#henry cavill #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill x oc #so henry you want to start a youtube channel #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fandom #henry cavill x sandy choi

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