#this has been sitting in my drafts since january so you better like it and you better enjoy it

[ilyasorokinn]

the perfect father , elias pettersson

note, this was originally written for jacob markstrom but i decided to rewrite it for someone else. just a personal thing. also, this fic is part of the "home with the petterssons" series. check out this masterlist for more. timeline: this takes place between february 2021-october 2021 pair, elias pettersson x reader summary, y/n and elias manage to keep a huge secret from the world during quarentine. warnings, children/kids, pregnancy, covid/quarantine, a little cheesey word count, 3873 words

(gif not mine)

The NHL schedule was confusing during the regular season, but now you were even more confused with the 2020-2021 season underway. So, to make things easier for you, Elias bought a calendar with your favorite animals and filled it out with all the dates of games.

The calendar really came in handy when planning your doctor's appointment. You had a hunch about what was causing all your sickness and it wasn't a cold.

So, you called the person you knew you could rely on, the one person who would give you the advice you needed to hear and would give you the cold hard truth even if it would hurt.

Holly Horvat.

She did indeed give you the cold hard truth and confirmed your suspicions. She also stayed on the line with you while you booked your appointment.

In the meantime, to ease some anxiety and nerves, you went to the store and grabbed as many pregnancy tests as you could fit in your hands. You purchased them and rushed home as fast as you could.

You sat on the closed toilet lid, head in hand as you waited for your timer to go off. Those two minutes felt like hours. You didn't ever understand that feeling before, but you did now. Time really did go slower.

You and Elias had been together for almost five years, engaged for less than a year, and everything was great. You were great. You had talked about babies briefly, but you talked about it as if it was something in the distant future. After marriage, after a few years more in the league. Clearly, life doesn't always go the way you want it to.

When the timer went off, you jumped out of your skin. You pulled your hands away from your eyes and flipped the tests over, inhaling as you looked at all of them.

"Holy crap." You muttered.

-

“I’m home!” Elias announced a few hours later, walking into the house. He found it strange that Luna, your dog, didn’t immediately run up and greet him. He followed the sound of the TV into the living room, where he found you fast asleep, and Luna curled up around you.

He smiled, turned off the TV, and draped a blanket over you, but not before kissing you on the head. He made his way into the bathroom to take a shower. He was waiting for the water to warm up a little when he spotted something sticking out of the trashcan.

He pulled it out of the trash and his eyes widened. He dug deeper into the trash, not even caring that he was digging into the trash, and looked at all of the tests in front of him, "Holy..." He covered his mouth in shock before he ran as fast as he could to the living room.

He dropped them on the coffee table then shook you awake, "Y/N." He called out, continuing to shake you before you turned around.

"What?!" You snapped, turning around, about to snap at him again, but you stopped when you noticed the tests sitting on the table, "Oh..." You looked back up at Elias, who was looking to you for confirmation, "Surprise." You gave him a nervous smile.

"Really?" He broke out into a smile, and when you nodded, he jumped onto the couch with you and wrapped you in his arms. You hugged him tighter, kissing his cheek as he pulled away, "Are you okay? Do you need anything?" He frantically asked, cupping your face and then looking down at your stomach.

"No, I'm okay." You smiled at his sudden panic, but stopped and thought about it, "Actually..."

"Anything." He stated before you could finish.

"Anything?" He nodded, "That's a lot of responsibility, Mr. Pettersson." You joked.

"I can do it." He nodded.

"If you say so." You shrugged, before listing off the things you wanted at that very moment, which he grabbed from the kitchen with no hesitation.

-

Because your plan to surprise Elias was spoiled, you changed your appointment to a day when Elias would actually be home. When that day finally came, Elias woke up before you and made breakfast big enough to feed a small family.

While you ate, you pointed off to different dishes you didn't want and he gave them to your next-door neighbors, who were thrilled and excited by the Swedish dishes Elias had made.

When it was finally time to drive to the doctor's, he was bouncing off the walls of the car, barely able to contain his excitement, "I really can't go in with you?" He frowned as you slipped your bag onto your shoulder.

"I'm sorry." You pouted, "But I'll ask if I can FaceTime you." You promised.

"Okay." He perked up a little at that, "I love you. Say 'hi' to the baby for me." You smiled, leaning over to kiss him.

"I will." You gave him a salute then were on your way in. You waited anxiously, texting Elias the entire time while you waited.

"Pettersson." You stood up, dropping the magazine sitting in your lap and garnering a few looks from the other people sitting in the waiting room.

"That's me." You announced. The nurse offered you a warm smile and nodded, gesturing for you to follow her. She led you into an empty room and instructed for you to sit down.

"Is this your first time?" She asked, typing a few things into the computer.

"Is it that obvious?" You laughed nervously.

"It's okay." She gave you a smile that let you know she knew what she was doing. After she asked her questions, she quickly took some tests and rushed them off to test. And that left you by yourself in the complete quiet. And in that time, everything started to sink in.

You were pregnant.

You didn't know how much time had passed, you were so stuck in your own little world, but someone knocked on the door, and that shook you from your thoughts. A woman you presumed was a doctor popped her head in and gave you a smile.

"I'm Dr. Rowe, it's nice to meet you." She reached out and shook your hand before she made her way over to the small sink, "Y/N, right?"

"Yes." You nodded. She snapped on a pair of gloves and then sat in the chair next to the big bed-table thing next to you.

"So, we got your results back, and congrats, Mrs. Pettersson, you are pregnant." She told you. You let out a breath you hadn't known you were holding and a choked laugh, "Now, I know this is a little overwhelming, so if you need a minute..."

"I'm good." You shook your head, "I'm ready."

"All right, well, I'm going to walk you through what I'm going to do then do it, is that okay?" She smiled when you nodded again.

True to her word, she walked you through what she was going to do, step by step. She then grabbed all the tools she would need and helped you lie down.

"Can I call my husband? Would that be okay?" You asked.

"Of course." She nodded. You whipped out your phone and immediately dialed Elias' number.

"Is it time?" He asked, picking up before the first ring was over. You and Dr. Rowe laughed.

"Yes." You nodded, flipping the camera around as she squirted jelly onto your stomach.

"All right, let's find a baby." She moved the wand around your stomach. Both you and Elias watched in fascination as she moved the wand and a little blob showed up on the screen.

"Is that-?"

"Your baby." She nodded. Neither you nor Elias could say anything as you stared at the screen in pure awe, "Would you like to hear the heartbeat?" You felt yourself nod and heard Elias say 'yes' immediately again.

She pressed a button on the machine and you were in awe all over again, "Elias..." Was all you managed to say through the tears. A silence enveloped the room, the only thing filling it was the heartbeat of your baby, a sound you had decided was your new favorite.

"Would you like some pictures?" Dr. Rowe asked, breaking the silence.

"Yes, please." You nodded.

You walked out of the doctor's office 10 minutes later, sonogram in hand. You made it back to the car and looked at Elias, "It's real."

"We're actually having a baby." He tearfully smiled.

-

After your appointment, all Elias could talk about was seeing your little baby in a little Pettersson jersey and how cute it would be, so before he came back, you decided to make part of his dream come true.

When Elias finally did have to leave for the little stint of away games, you decided that would be the perfect time to enact your plan. You went to the team store and got a little baby jersey customized, almost crying in your car when you pulled the jersey out of the bag and finally got a look at it.

As soon as you got home, you wrapped the jersey with your nicest wrapping paper, slapped the prettiest bow you owned on it, and began the countdown until Elias would be home.

He wouldn't be home for a few more days, and when he came home, you heard him before you saw him. He came through the door, looking disheveled.

"I'm home." He hummed, dropping his stuff where he stood and making his way over to you quickly, "Did I miss anything? Are you okay? Do you need anything?" He spoke frantically.

"Okay, you need to breathe." You laughed, "I'm fine. We're both fine." You reassured him, "Why don't you get changed and come back out here? I have something for you."

"This feels backwards. I should be bringing you gifts." He laughed.

"Just go." You pushed him towards the bedroom. You waited patiently, trying to keep your excitement at bay. When he finally came back into the kitchen, he looked at the bag on the coutner confused.

"You used the pretty wrapping paper." He pointed out, eyeing the gift suspiciously, "You only use that when it's a good gift."

"Just open the gift, Elias." You told him snappily. He raised his hands in surrender but opened the gift. He froze when he caught a glimpse of the tiny jersey.

He picked up the jersey and held it up so he could look at his name sprawled on the back of it, "Y/N..."

"You talked so much about the baby wearing your jersey, so I got one made." You told him, making your way over to him, "Are you okay?" You asked, worried when you saw he was frozen in place.

"This is perfect." He said, his voice so quiet you almost didn't hear him.

"Oh, Eli." You cooed, wrapping him in a hug.

-

"Cakes here!" Elias shouted from the door. He shut the door with his foot and carried the cake to the kitchen where you were waiting for him.

You looked at each other nervously, not because the cake was bad, but because you were finally, after months of waiting, going to know the gender of Baby Petey, and that thought filled you with both joy and anxiety.

"You ready?" You asked. He nodded, "All right." You took a breath and set up your camera while Elias grabbed the cake cutter from one of the drawers, "Pettersson family gender reveal." You clapped in front of the camera, imitating one of the movie clappers.

Elias pulled the cake out of the box and you both inhaled sharply. He set it down and his hand hovered over the cake cutter. You grabbed his hand and together, you held the cutter.

"One, two, three." You counted down together, then cut into the cake. When you pulled the slice out, you burst into tears.

"A boy!" He cheered, dropping the cutter and wrapping you in a hug, unable to fight his own tears so you stood in your kitchen, crying tears of joy together at the thought of your unborn son.

-

With all the guys away on a roadie, one of the girls decided to have a little get-together at her house so you could all watch the game together.

When you knocked on the door, instead of it being the host, it was Gunner Horvat, who must've seen you through the video camera and ran to the door before anyone could stop him.

"Hi, G." You laughed, "I don't think you're supposed to open the door without an adult." He simply stared at you but raised his arms, wordlessly asking for you to pick him up, "I missed you, too, bud." You laughed when he wrapped his arms around you.

"Let her get in the door, Gun." Holly laughed, grabbing the bag in your hand so you could hold onto the child more easily. She led you to the main room where a few other girls were already.

"Surprise!" They all shouted. You gaped in shock at the scene in front of you. Instead of being a little watch party, there were baby decorations all around the living room and kitchen.

"What the heck?" You gasped, tears filling your eyes as you looked at all the other girls.

"Elias told us you were a little bummed that you couldn't have a gender reveal party, so we decided to throw you a little shower." One of the girls explained with a smile.

"This is so sweet." You smiled tearfully. They led you over and grabbed some snacks before leading you to the living room where a small mountain of presents sat, "Wow."

"We might've gone a little overboard." They all laughed. Before they started, they made sure you had everything you needed and wanted before you began.

You opened so many things you didn't even know you needed but all the other mothers told you you needed. The last present was smaller than the others but they all looked excited for you to open.

You pulled out an exact replica of your special denim jacket with 'Pettersson' on the back. Everything was the same, even down to the special patches you had put on it.

"Wow." You gaped, at a loss for words as you turned the jacket around to look at every detail.

"Do you like it?" You could hear the worry in her voice.

"I love it. It's beautiful." Your eyes filled with tears again, and they all crowded you in a big hug.

-

It was really late. Way too late for you to be up late. It was almost 3 in the morning, and you were awake. Why you may ask? Because the baby wouldn’t stop moving, plus she was craving food.

You knew Elias was asleep. It was evident by the loud snoring. Instead of trying to fall back asleep, you got out of bed. As soon as your feet swung over the edge of the bed, Luna was up and standing next to you.

You smiled when she trotted alongside you towards the living room. By the time you made it to your destination, you were a little tired, but the overwhelming hunger outweighed the tiredness. So, you turned on the TV, before making your way into the kitchen. You grabbed an armful of different snacks and headed back to the living room.

You settled on the couch, the dogs curling into you on each side. You got through half an episode when you heard footsteps coming down the stairs, “What are you doing up? It’s almost 3:30.” Elias rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he made his way over to you on the couch.

“I was hungry, and couldn’t sleep.” You shrugged. He gave you a tired smile and carefully sat down next to you.

“Why didn't you wake me and tell me you were hungry?”

“You looked peaceful, and I just didn’t want to wake you.” You told him.

“I wish you had told me.” He yawned, and you chucked.

“I’ll be sure to do that next time.” You nodded.

"How's baby?" He asked sleepily, leaning his head on your shoulder.

“He doesn’t know when it’s time to play and when it’s time to sleep.” You told him, looking down at your bump and rubbing it.

“And how are you?”

“I’m really tired.” You admitted, looking over at him. When you finally met his eyes, he could see how tired you really were.

He grabbed your hand and pressed a few kisses to it. He grabbed the chip bags surrounding you and took them back to the kitchen. By the time he got back, your eyes were drooping, and you were on the verge of sleep.

“Come on. Let's get you to bed." He got off the couch and helped you get up too. He placed a kiss on your head before leading you down the hallway, back towards your bedroom.

He helped you get situated back in bed, tucking you in and making sure you were comfortable. He then climbed in next to you, "Sleep well." He whispered, caressing your cheek. He made sure you were asleep before he fell asleep.

-

Your due date was a few days away, and both you and Elias were getting very excited. Every day, you would wake up, and waddle down the stairs where Elias was already making breakfast. You would sit at the kitchen island, and the two of you would talk about the dreams you had the previous night.

You would spend most of the day lounging around the house. Either watching TV, reading books, going for drives, organizing the house again, it was the same thing every day.

Then, after dinner, the two of you would go out for a walk with the dogs. It was really the only outside interaction you would get all day unless you went out to the backyard.

The night was no different. After dinner, you grabbed your jackets and leashed up the dogs. All throughout the day, you had stomach pain. You brushed it off all the time as stomach pain. Elias usually walked ahead because he had quicker strides, but never too far because he was protective.

You were walking in silence when a sharper pain hit you, and you let out a pained noise. That caught Elias' attention, and he whipped around, “What is it? What’s wrong?” He asked, cupping your face with one hand, while his other went down to your stomach.

“I-” Before you could finish, you felt a wave of liquid trickle down your leg, “I think I’m going into labor.” You winced. You looked at him and saw all the color drain from his face, “What are you doing?!” You hit him in the arm when he didn't move, “We gotta go.”

That snapped him out of it, “Come on, baby. Let’s get you to the hospital.” He helped you walk, well waddle, back towards the house, “Breath baby, breath.” He kept telling you and placing kisses on your temple.

-

“He's beautiful,” Elias whispered as he leaned down over your shoulder to look at the newborn.

“He's perfect.” You smiled at him, cradling your son closer to your chest. Leonardo Michael Pettersson was perfect in every way. When you called and told Brock that you had given Leo his middle name, he almost cried.

Elias had been nothing but supportive throughout the whole process. He waited on you hand and foot, the same way he had all throughout your pregnancy, getting you whatever you asked. He even let you curse at him, and squeeze his hand which was the least he could do.

A few hours after birth, you had fallen asleep, leaving Elias and the baby alone. Elias was sitting in the chair next to your bed without a shirt, cradling little Leo to his chest. He had read somewhere that skin-to-skin contact was good for babies, so he figured he would give it a try. He couldn’t take his eyes off of the little baby.

“We’re so happy you’re here.” He whispered. Leo couldn't understand a word he was saying, but he looked up at him with his big blue eyes. His blue eyes, “We waited so long for you, and now that you’re here, you’re gonna be so spoiled.” He pressed a kiss to his chubby cheek.

“You’re already so loved. You have aunts and uncles who are so excited to meet you.” Somewhere in between his conversation, you started to wake up, but kept your eyes closed, “And of course mommy and I are so happy you’re here.” He added.

You continued to listen to Elias talk to Leo, and it warmed your heart. You knew, from the moment you told him you were pregnant, and he started taking care of you and telling you not to lift a finger, you knew he was gonna be a great father.

And boy were you right.

-

5 months later, February 2022

After months of waiting, you finally got the clearance for Leo to a game, and Elias was thrilled. You slipped the little Pettersson jersey on him, a surprise Elias didn't know you had in store for him.

You bundled him up in a blanket, and even got a little beanie with the number 40 embroidered on the top of it, "Papa is so excited for tonight, and you probably won't remember anything, but it's such a big night." You whispered as you got Leo ready.

You parked yourself in front of the arena, standing alongside a few of the other girls and their kids, as you waited for the guys to skate out.

When they skated out, Elias did his usual skate around the ice, tossing a few pucks over the glass to a few fans, and shooting at the net a few times, before he finally skated around to where you were standing. 

You couldn't help but smile when you saw the smile on his face. His face showed nothing but pride as he watched Leo sleep. He blew you a kiss, then blew a kiss at Leo, who blissfully continued to sleep.

He tossed a puck over and one of the guards standing in front of the ice caught it and handed it over to you, "Thank you." You smiled at the man, slipping it into the bag and gathering your stuff.

After the game, and an OT goal from Elias which he chalked up to dad strength in a post-game interview, you finally met up with him in the parking garage.

"I'm so proud of you." You wrapped him in a hug before he could get into the car, "An overtime goal." You cheered.

"I had my good luck charms with me." He beamed, kissing your head and then kissing Leo's. When he pulled away, he finally noticed the jersey and gaped, "It's the jersey."

"It felt fitting for his first game." You shrugged with a smile.

"It's perfect." He picked up Leo carefully and cradled him to his chest, kissing his head again, "I love you." He leaned down, leaning his forehead against yours.

"I love you, too." You hummed, leaning up to kiss him.

-

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[tojiscumdumpster]

⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ▶︎ •၊၊||၊|။||||။ knockout x renji abarai

✧ summary there’s no better way for renji to celebrate a big win than to spend the night with y/n.

✧ content warnings reader described as a black woman who uses she/pronouns. feisty!reader, chubby!reader x undergroundfighter!renji. modern au — no bleach verse. told in first POV — renji’s. mentions of stitches and bruises. usage of profanity, praise kink, cowgirl position, nipple play, facefucking — renji will finish in reader’s, squirting. terms of endearment — baby, sweetheart, angel, etc. reader and renji are in their late twenties.

✧ author’s note hello, hello. i am here with a fic that’s not jjk for once in my life, lmfao. this idea has been in my drafts since january 2023, and it was just sitting there collecting dusts on my old tumblr. but i said i was going to do more bleach characters, so here we go. first time writing renji, so if this ain’t how you see him, oops. still enjoy. also didn't really focus on the underground!fighter portion as much. but maybe i will if there's a next time. support me by liking, commenting, and reblogging this post. i would greatly appreciate it. AGELESS/BLANK BLOGS AND MINORS— DO NOT INTERACT.

I know she told me not to come by after the fight, but I needed to. 

 I won.

 I fucking won, and there’s no other way for me to celebrate winning ten thousand dollars than to be with Y/N.

 Well, that’s if she’s still not mad at me.

 Before I left for my match, we got into an argument. A huge one. She doesn’t like that I fight for a living, let alone illegal underground fighting. I mean—I get it. Seeing someone you care about constantly getting his ass beat isn’t a sight worth seeing. 

 But fighting is all I know. 

 I had a shitty childhood. Didn’t know who the hell my parents were since they gave me up at birth for adoption. Jump around in foster care homes until the mothers got sick of me and kicked me out in the streets. Survival was basically forced on me.

 Fighting is what kept me alive. For food. Clothes. A place to lay my head. Whether I lost or won, I know the reason why I’m alive today is because I’m a fighter. 

 It wasn’t until I was eighteen when I found out about the world of underground fighting. Ten years deep and I know nothing else. 

 Y/N knows this about me. She understands I didn’t have it easy and never judged me. But that doesn’t mean she agrees with my lifestyle. 

 She came to a few fights in the beginning. Eventually, she got tired of seeing me stitched up almost every weekend. 

 Shit, me too. 

 However, after tonight, I feel good about my future wins. I busted my ass in training, so now I don’t have to hear shit about anymore losses. 

 Even if right now I’m stitched up and have a black eye. I feel good.

 Great.

 Better if Y/N opens the door after keeping me waiting out in the cold for the past ten minutes. 

 I know she’s awake. She has a habit of staying up late, studying for med school. And plus, I haven’t messaged or called her yet. Despite her not showing up to my fights, she still wants an update afterwards that I made it out alive.

 “Y/N, let me in,” I say, knocking loudly on her apartment door. “You know I don’t care about making a scene.”

 After a few more obnoxious knocks, the door finally swings open and I am met with deep russet skin, tight curls, and chocolate-colored eyes that pierce an annoyed look in my direction.

 “What do you want?” She bites out. “I’m busy.”

 I smirk and hold the bag of money in the air. “I won.”

 “Congrats.” Her tone is flat and she tries to slam the door in my face, but I placed my foot to stop it from closing. “Seriously?”

 “Yes, seriously. Are you really still mad at me?” I teasingly ask. 

 “You won. I said congrats. What more do you want?”

 I shrugged. “I’m locked out of my apartment.”

 She arches a brow at me, already recognizing my bullshit ass excuse of being locked out of my apartment. 

 Y/N knows me. She knows I would do anything to be in her presence, so going back and forth in forty degree weather is pointless. 

 Her pretty brown hues travels across my face and body, examining the stitches and bruises that probably has her wondering, who the fuck treated him? 

 Me. But that’s besides the point.

 A deep sign escapes her mouth when she realizes I’m not going anywhere until she lets me in, so she opens her door wider and turns her back to me to walk further inside her apartment. 

 “Sit,” she orders, which I happily do so while chuckling to myself. 

 While Y/N goes to the bathroom (assuming she’s getting a med kit to fix my shitty patch job), I take advantage of staring at her round ass that’s barely covered in those tiny boy shorts. Every step she takes it jiggles, creating an ocean of waves I’m eager to swim in.

 I get comfortable while I wait, taking off my skully, sweater, and any other form of heavy clothing that would cause me to sweat in her heated apartment. 

 “I’m going to start charging you if you keep fucking coming to my apartment like this, Renji,” Y/N snapped, walking with the kit in her hand as expected. 

 “Outside of paying for your tuition, I can think of other ways to repay you.”

 She rolls her eyes at my suggestive comment. “Get over yourself, Abarai.”

 I let out a snort before she stands in front of me and tilt up my chin to start making work on my face. 

 She’s cute when she’s mad. Huffing and puffing while whispering slick comments under breath. But how she’s handling my face by moving it around with force rushes blood straight to my groin.

 I’m getting hard.

 Hard as shit, and it’s not helping that I’m in close proximity with her. 

 That jasmine lavender scent that circulates through my senses. Looking up at her full lips that’s coated with gloss. Then, lowering my gaze to her tits that’s big, naturally saggy, and pretty. My mouth is watering at the sight of her nipples hardening.

 And I don’t know if it’s because she feels that I’m checking her out or the coldness outside is affecting her. 

 Either way, I’ll act on it.

 Taking it upon myself, I grab the back of her thighs to pull her on my lap. As if she’s used to my antics, it doesn’t catch her off guard and she continues to clean up my wounds. 

 “You’re all bloody up with a black eye and somehow you still have the energy to be a pervert,” she retorts.

 I move one of hands to her ass, massaging comforting circles. “For you? Yeah.”

 The quiet between us was comfortable until she opted to speak again. “So… who’d you fight?”

 “Some huge motherfucker. I thought I was going to die.”

 She leans back to grab more alcohol and dabs it above my brow. “Maybe that’s what needed to have you stop fucking fighting.”

 I throw my head back to laugh, but she grabs my chin to bring my face forward. “Like you want me dead.” My hands creep beneath her cheeks to pull her closer to me and apply more pressure to my cock. “That’s what you want?”

 “That came out my mouth, Abarai?”

 “Why are you still mad at me?” 

 She scoffs. “Why am I mad that you’re practically coming to me everyday with a busted face and broken ribs?” That’s one thing I love about Y/N—her feisty personality. It turns me on so fucking much because I know when I fuck her, it’ll be a different story. 

 Continuing, she says, “I think I would be a little more satisfied if you did this professionally as opposed to underground. Underground doesn’t come with insurance, Ren.”

 “Aw, you care about me that much?” My question was supposed to be posed as a joke, but the look on her pretty face says otherwise. 

 “Fucking asshole. I don’t know why I still deal with your ass.”

 “Probably because you love me.”

 “Probably not.”

  Gripping her hips, I pull her with me and lean back into the headrest of the couch. We’re inches away from our mouths cooling and I take advantage of this proximity by basking in her sweet smelling breath and beauty. 

 Simply because Y/N exists, my cocks hardens for her. Holding her in my arms. Feeling her pussy against my erection and breasts suffocating pressed on my chest. Girlfriend or not, she’s mine.  

 And she knows it. 

 I can see how she looks at me, even when mad, that she cares and loves me. Y/N is a tough girl. I can only imagine what she’s been through. Still, she manages to soften up just for me. 

 We never made it official since she doesn’t approve of the underground shit, but that doesn’t mean I’ll ever stop asking. 

 “So when are you going to say yes to being my girlfriend?” I whisper.

 She tries breaking from my embrace, but I tighten my grip. “Renji…”

 “You feel my dick pressed against you, right? It only makes it harder when you say my name like that, Y/N.”

 “Be real with me… will you keep doing this shit forever?” Her eyes waver as she awaits my answer and I can’t help the guilt from pinging my chest. 

 “If it lessens my chance of being with you, no.”

 She searches my face for hesitance or deceit, however, she finds nothing because I meant what I said. Y/N is the only person that looks at me like I’m a human, and I wouldn’t let my obsession with fighting get in the way of our future together. 

 How she tucks her coil behind her ear and nips down on her lower lip shows me the bit of vulnerability she reserves for me.

 So—I take advantage of it. 

 In less than three seconds my lips were on hers. I take my time relishing those sweet, plump and plush, strawberry flavored lips.

 I can feel the skepticism from Y/N while kissing her, maybe because she’s trying to put on this show that she’s still mad at me. But soon, her rigid body melts into mine and returns the kiss. 

 Our heavy breaths mingle, increasing in speed the more aggressive we lock lips. She begins rolling her hips onto my cock and I let out a grunt, feeling the moisture of her pussy liquefying on me. 

 The slaps I leave on her ass are harsh, causing her to bite my bottom lip and suck it into her mouth. Y/N is so fucking aggressive it drives me nuts. She gives me a high and adrenaline not even a fight could give. 

 “Pull your dick out, Ren,” she orders through muffled moans and our kiss. 

 “Fucking bossing me around to give you cock? Not mad at me anymore?” Y/N ignores my taunt and works her hands between us to untie my sweats. I hiss at the feel of her cool hands engulfing my dick to give it a few pumps.

 She must not know what her touch does to me. She handles my cock like she owns it, and gosh, I fucking love that shit. My fingers gently tangle into her coils to deepen our kiss, but she soon gets up to strip her clothes.

 Fuck… Fuck, she’s so goddamn sexy. I’ll never get tired of her thick body, filled with soft dips and curves. I look at her, observe her like she’s an expensive piece of art hung up at a museum because that’s what I see her as. 

 Pretty pussy leaking arousal and I smirk to myself, thinking how she had all that attitude earlier while being wet for me like she didn’t want me inside of her.

 “You’re fucking beautiful. You know that?” I ask, massaging her tits and looking up at her. “You still have that attitude or are you going to come ride my cock like a good girl?”

 She gently pushes me back against the couch with her lips on mine and straddles my lap. “Depends on if you’re going to be a good boy and take this pussy.”

 “Shit, angel. I will.”

 Y/N hums while reaching around to align my cock with her sex. Two seconds later, she slowly sinks down my length until I’m buried into the hilt. That soft lingering fuck that slips past her pretty lips sounds sexy as hell and has my dick twitching in response.

 I can’t bust now. Not yet. Even if the tightness and heat of her pussy pushes me off the edge of a mountain. Her pussy is so warm, so fucking warm, fat, and wet. Gosh, I don’t ever think I can be without this pussy. 

 I throw my head back and savor this feeling, but Y/N had other plans for me. 

 “Remember to look at me when I’m riding you, Ren,” she coos. “Eyes on me, baby. I want you to see how much I love this dick inside my pussy.”

 Fucking Christ. “Tell me how much you love it while bouncing on me.”

 And she does just that. Telling me how big and girthy I am, that she’s sorry for giving me attitude and admits that she just wanted dick. But no. I want her to fuck me like she’s mad. I need that type of energy pumping through my veins after this win tonight. 

 I reassure Y/N and tell her to fuck me harder. Her pace quickens and slaps her ass fervently against my cock. I can’t stop moaning her name. The wet slippery noises coming from her pussy increases in volume and it creates a mess between us. 

 This is where I belong, deep in her pussy and feeling her walls squeeze the hell out of me. I don’t even hold her hips or waist. I relax comfortably with my arms sprawl over the top of her couch, watching how gorgeous she looks while fucking what’s hers. 

 “Oh, fuck, Renji,” she moans, tugging her lips inwards and lolling her head to the side in complete pleasure.

 Those perfect, full tits bounces in my face and I can’t help but stare and become mesmerized. Light marks that resemble tiger stripes decorated the valley of breasts. Her nipples, pebbled and straining underneath my gaze, look desperate for my touch.

 I take it upon myself to pinch them between my fingers and a soft shriek escapes her mouth, further arching her back. 

 Y/N keeps getting wetter by the second, every bounce she makes. And hearing her sticky arousal, I know and see how she’s creaming my cock.  Purposely, I sit myself on the couch, thrusting up in her a bit to feel my head hit her g spot.

 “Ren, help me little,” she begs through a whimper. “Fuck me back.”

 I caress her cheeks with the back of my head. “Yeah? You want me to help you, sweetheart?”

 “Please.”

 God, I love it when she’s needy for me like this. 

 In no time, my hands are at her waist and my thrusts meet with her jumping movements. Y/N isn't loud when it comes to her sounds of pleasure. Vocal, yes. But right now, her moans and whimpers are louder than usual. 

 It’s like she needed my dick inside of pussy just as much as I needed it. 

 I see the desire in her brown hues. I feel the heat radiating off Y/N’s skin while my fingers dig into her flesh, holding her in place to pound upwards into her pussy. 

 This is what I wanted—to fuck my girl after a well deserved win. And she’s going to congratulate me how I want. 

 My lips are at her neck leaving wet kisses and sucking her flesh until purple specks form. “Coming home to this good fucking pussy. Gosh, I love how you feel, angel. Going to fucking mean it now when you say congrats?”

 “Congratulations, baby,” she purrs, slamming harder on my cock. “You did good… so damn good, Ren.”

 I hum, dragging my tongue along her neck. “That’s what I wanted to hear.”

 Y/N continues to gasps out her pleas for me to fuck harder. I comply… I comply in helping my pretty girl come and savor the look when she washes over me. My grips are firm on her waist, betting that’ll leave marks when she wakes up the next poor, and drive my cock deeper into her pussy.

 I’m in pure awe. I feel my own releasing catching up to me the more I watch her take me. This is my woman. My fucking girl. I come home to this every night after every fight to hold her in my arms and fuck her. 

 Her name from my mouth sounds like a broken record when I moan her name. This fat, gushy, slick and tight pussy has this power over me. She won’t stop fucking squeezing me, I can’t prevent my face from growing hot. It’s intense how I feel right now, and it’s all because of Y/N.

 “Good, good fucking pussy. God, you’re so fucking good to me, angel face,” I rasp, pecking her lips. “You’re going to come for me?”

 “Yes, Renji, baby. I’m going to come. Keep giving me that dick. Please don’t stop, please.”

 “Put your fingers in my mouth.” She does quick with my command. I suck on her digits and coat them well with saliva before pushing them out of my mouth. “Now rub your clit, pretty girl. I wanna see you squirt everywhere.”

 Because she’s overwhelmed with arousal, Y/N stops bouncing on my cock and allows me to fuck her while she plays with clit. Her mouth hangs gape, drool slightly coating the side of her mouth and breathing heavily. 

 My balls slap her ass. My head kisses her soft cushion repeatedly. Her velvet walls transfer warmth to my cock and the bubble that rests in the pit of my stomach is on the verge of explosion.

 I’m about to come. Hard.

 But I need her to come first.

 “Fucking come for me, Y/N. Keep playing with that pretty pussy and moan my name,” I grit out, pushing past all my thrusts. 

 “Right there, Renji. Keep fucking me right there… I’m–oh, fuck–I’m coming.”

 She’s so pretty when she comes. Dark brown porcelain complexion, slick with sweat. Eyes rolling to the back of her head. Pussy clenching and unclenching around my cock. Moaning, whimpering my name back to back. 

She’s breathless. Flawless. I have this image of her painted perfectly in my mind. Watching Y/N come, makes me come, so I make quick work to pull her off my lap. And she knows exactly what I want–to fuck my release down her throat.

 Her mouth is as warm as her pussy, and I let out hitched breaths and harsh grunts when she swallows me whole. I’m relentless when forcing her head down on my cock as I facefuck her. The gurgling noises she makes are obscene. Pornogrpahic, even. 

 And what caused my come to shoot through her mouth is seeing that she’s still massaging her clit, eventually squirting all over her wooden floors. 

 My hips stutter and I throw my head back to moan into the air. “Fuck, Y/N! That’s my fucking girl. Look at you making a mess while choking on my cock and swallowing my come.”

 Y/N takes it upon herself to wrap her lips tighter around my cock and massage my balls, ensuring every single last of my nut has released in her mouth. I take it for a while, but I soon become sensitive, practically feeling my skin being sucked off.

 “Easy now, angel,” I say through an airy chuckle. I pull my cock out and her mouth echoes a pop sound. 

 She whines a little because I’m no longer in her mouth and it causes me to smirk because it wasn’t too long ago where she acted like she hated me. 

 My hand grasps her chin and guides it upwards to meet with my eyes. “You swallowed for me, Y/N? Open up.” She nods, sticking her tongue out. “Perfect.”

 “You’re going to fuck me again?” She asks, catching her bottom lip between her teeth.”

 Gosh, this woman will be the death of me.

tags: @dejwrld @hvshinas @diamondoidxx @xxjazzxx @thegirlwonder1 @ryukenzz @maiapuhpaia @elitesanjisimp @amyrahrose @sweetpeachies @abigolemess @linastired @diorsbrando @starrygetou @niya729 (if i didn't tag you it's because tumblr wouldn't have your user pop up)

[linos-luna]

Hello Everyone!

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted and I just wanted to give an update, if you’re curious.

If not, just know that I’ll be posting regularly again next week 🩵

Anyways…

So as you may or may not know, I was in a car accident in January that left me with a concussion and injuries. I had to take time off work and have been dealing with non stop headaches since then. Luckily I work for a personal injury lawyer and we’re able to have the other person’s insurance pay for everything. My treatment and new car plus extra for pain and suffering.

I work on computers all day for work and looking at screens for long periods do hurt so that’s why I’ve been not posting so much(although I do have a lot in the drafts). I just wanna make sure I can properly proofread and post accordingly.

So my injuries plus emense amount of stress has made it difficult for me to do many things. I also had a brain injury as a baby so me getting a concussion is worrisome. I can’t stand and move around for too long at a time without needing to sit or lay down… I’m gonna be seeing specialists to make sure it didn’t mess something up 😅

Also. Update with my dog, Mocha.

I took her to the groomers 2 weeks ago and the groomer injured her. Basically the groomer choked her too hard and cut off some circulation?? She was having weird twitches. I complained to the company(who is a big pet store chain) and they didn’t take me seriously until I had my boss(a lawyer) threaten them so they paying for her vet bills now. She’s doing better now.

It’s been a rough 2024 so far. But things are finally getting back on track! I’ve also been picking up drawing again like I used to. As I mentioned, looking at screens hurts a bit so my digital art has been hard to keep up with.

I’ve posted some on my Art Account tho. Check it out. I hope you like it. I’ve always loved art and writing.

Also my birthday is coming on the 26th and I’m trying to come to terms that I’m gonna be 25 and in my mid twenties 😭

[londonhalcyon]

Fic Writer Interview (20 Questions)

This tag game passed by twice, once in January (because apparently this post has been sitting in my drafts that long) and again several months later, so forgive me for not remembering who to tag! These questions seem fun, so if anyone wants to join, feel free to say I tagged you!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

20 at the moment, with plenty more WIPs.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

480,895 words and counting.

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Not counting TMW bonus content, the top 5 are:

The Mad Witch (758 kudos)

"The Scarlett Cauldron" (77 kudos)

"Fear Itself" (76 kudos)

"The Most Powerful Witch" (72 kudos)

"Piper's Best Worst Day" (57 kudos)

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! I love engaging with my readers and other members of the fandom. Every comment always makes my whole day. Life gets busy sometimes, so I don't always have the time to respond to every single one, but I definitely see and appreciate all of them!

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Usually my fics have fairly hopeful endings, but "3 Years Ago," a pre-canon Murdered: Soul Suspect fic might fit the bill. Sometime in the future, it has the potential to be topped by "Will of the People," a Fallout 4 WIP that revolves around the Diamond City anti-ghoul riots.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

My Secret Santa fics, "It's Not the Fall" and "Flawed Phials," definitely have the fluffiest endings!

7. Do you write crossovers?

Nope!

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I get rude or condescending comments on occasion from people who don't know how to hit the back button and/or are unfamiliar with fandom etiquette, though nothing actively malicious. The one time I received a transphobic/homophobic message in response to TMW it was private (if it was public, I would have deleted it; I don't give a platform to that kind of thing at all), and honestly I hope that person is in a better place now because they really didn't seem okay at the time. I'm fortunate that the vast majority of my readers and mutuals are such wonderfully amazing and kind people.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, BUT, before you get too excited, not in The Mad Witch. Smut is by definition graphic, and TMW has a Teen rating that shall remain unchanged.

The smut scenes I've drafted so far (F/F and F/M) are for my Rosemary Reaper series (post-canon Fallout 4 WIP). Those fics will all be rated Mature, so while not overly explicit, they'll definitely be spicier than TMW. Maybe I'll share a snippet sometime if there's any demand for it.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of?? I have long since deleted my Wattpad account, so my fics should only be on AO3. If anyone ever finds one of my fics elsewhere in the wild, please let me know.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have not, which is probably for the best. I would like to make some heavy edits to the beginning of TMW when I'm done with it.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not a fic, though I have co-written a short fantasy story with a friend, with him writing for one POV character and me for another. We agreed on major actions and story beats, but we each kept a major secret that we didn't reveal until after we had written our individual parts. It was a lot of fun (though we were both painfully unskilled at the time).

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I don't know if I really have one. I have ships I enjoy and characters I like to pair with OCs, though nothing I feel properly obsessive over. This might be a consequence of primarily writing for video game fandoms. But I do have my default game romances: Merula in HPHM, Piper in Fallout 4, Marcurio in Skyrim, etc. I'm also a sucker for unrequited love interests, like Serana in Skyrim and Aveline in Dragon Age 2. The ANGST.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I never want to say never because I'm currently 83,435 words into the last fic I said I would never write. But there are two fics that I'm almost certain I will never finish, which I'm kind of sad about: my post-canon Murdered: Soul Suspect longfic, A Certain Darkness, and my RWBY OC team longfic, DSRT.

I made it just shy of 200,000 words into A Certain Darkness before I had to drop it. My writing skills ended up surpassing the progress I had made, and by the time I realized how many characters, relationships, and plot points were just straight up bad, I had written myself into a corner. I do love Joy and Angel so much, a medium/ghost duo with way more homoerotic tension than my closeted teenage self ever intended. Maybe one day I'll gut the story, drop the characters into a different setting, and make it something original. One day.

DSRT ran into a similar problem, though fortunately I only ever wrote the first few chapters. I could probably reattempt it if I really wanted, but with the overwhelming number of WIPs I already have, it's hard to imagine finding the time. I do miss my team of teenage idiots: Dustin, Saul, Rosemary, and Talos. It was supposed to have a really tragic ending too, which I don't often get to write.

15. What are your writing strengths?

I often receive compliments on how human I make my characters feel, which is the highest honor anyone could give. I've been told my dialogue frequently flows smoothly too.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Conciseness. Why is this post so long omg.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Do it carefully and with necessity. Maybe a character is bilingual and blends languages, so it's part of their characterization. Maybe a password or spell needs to be said in another language because it's old or pretentious. It can work, but it can also be easy to mess up. I personally avoid writing dialogue in languages I don't have a good grasp of, or I try to consult other people if I do (not Google Translate, which sucks).

There's also the matter of if the POV character even understands the language being spoken. If they don't, then I don't write the language out (unless it's a phrase the character is going to learn later on). In these instances, it makes more sense to write something like, "The man muttered a phrase in a language she didn't recognize," or "She fired off something in Spanish, the words too quick to catch."

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Star Wars the Clone Wars, baby! I was like ten or eleven. Never published, but my worldbuilding for that longfic (a saga, more like) was insanely elaborate. Alas, another story for the WIP graveyard.

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Eventually, I want to get back to my Skyrim WIP, which includes a main Dragonborn/Marcurio ship. Maybe even with a little Dragonborn/Serana infidelity on the side (which Marcurio absolutely does not deserve, the poor guy).

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I mean, I have to say The Mad Witch, don't I? That fic is where my community is, where every time I post a chapter I have a ton of people who get excited about it with me. It is the story I think about constantly, that I have spent literal years writing and daydreaming about. No matter what I've written before or will write since, this will be the defining fic in my journey as a writer.

That, and I have a special fondness for "Case by Case." I just think it's neat.

[2ndplanetsmut]

BIRTHDAY GIFTS ;) [Genshin Men]

Diluc, Xiao, & Childe.

V: As of the 5th I'm 20 so I figured what better way to celebrate than with some birthday smut. These might not be great as I wrote this on my birthday, I was a little distracted.

Tw: it is more suggestive then pure smut [though dilucs is a bit more so]. Some how very soft and cute.

DILUC!

He would 100% take you after everyone has finally gone home. I think he even planned ahead a bit so when you get into your room your normally boring bed has been turned into a canopy with dark velvet curtains and the room smells like vanilla from all the candles. A single rose is sitting on the soft new blankets and he would whisper "do you like it?" Before kissing your neck as he holds onto you from behind. His left hand pushing your top down so he could kiss your shoulder as well.

He would make love to you, reminding you how much you mean to him with each thrust, kissing all over you between each one. After everything he'd thank you for being his, and hold you as close to him as he could.

XIAO!

He spent the whole day with you while you celebrated, he held onto your arm or your hand not leaving your side. I don't think sex would cross Xiaos mind at all, too focused on just spending time with you. I could see him making you something maybe its cheesy but a flower crown of your favorite flowers.

If you initiate later in the evening I see him holding you close the whole time like he normally does, maybe a bit more vocal then usual with words like "you are so special" in a soft mumble. Then he would blush in embarrassment before pecking your cheek.

CHILDE!

Where do I even start with Ajax, all day long he would tease you, grabbing at you, kissing your neck, slapping your ass. I think he would be whispering in your ear about how hot you are constantly without fail. But he started the day with flowers and gets you plenty of gifts. He would also cheer you on as you sing with your friends, and hype you up!

When your alone he would be pulling your clothes to the tone of "I have more gifts for you". Despite his teasing I think once he starts he wouldn't make you wait at all, focused totally on making you feel good under him. Ending the night with a passion filled kiss.

Sorry it's so short, I have both some Diluc smut and Scaramouche in my drafts though so expect that soon I guess. Also some how despite playing since January I'm at AR 35.

[poupeesdecirque]

Posting by Queue, or: why I need some distance from my crafts

It has been some time since my last hobby meta blog entry, it had different reasons and one is that I need distance. Like, yes I of course enjoy crafting and sometimes I am like a little child that runs everywhere to show off things.

But it got ... less intense. And I learned I do better when I keep projects or at least details to myself to sit on them for longer. That the first euphoria is purely mine and not to be shared.

Like for my photos I have a buffer of several weeks now. Yes, I know past-me would have kind of hated that. But I learned I do better when I have a time buffer. I do take photos weekly but sometimes they don't feel special enough to get the weekly photo feature?

Friday & yesterday I went out for photos and while I like the ones from yesterday way more than the ones from friday I am not sure if the set from yesterday will get the feature or not as it's only a hand full of photos giving me that certain spark.

Other than that I am a very emotional artist, I sometimes really fuck up my art and hate it at the moment I worked on it, but then, sometimes, after a few days or weeks I can look at it and just wonder about what was my problem the day I made it.

Another thing is that I, myself, enjoy my art. The process of it. And I like to see my blog updating, sometimes I forget what post will go online and then I check the blog and think "ah yes, this was that thing!", and it reminds me why I made the blog overall, to show myself I had progress and that every tiny step counts.

Which leads to another reason why I hold back in regards of posting. Yes, I do share some snippets in my stories over on insta but not always and not all. I sit on over 300 drawings from the last two years alone nobody ever will see, I enjoyed drawing but it's nothing for the public eye. I will maybe go back and redraw some and share the redraws then, who knows?

But wait, there is actually more reasons.

The biggest or main reason is ... i sometimes go really wild on projects. In January I finished so many dolls it was insane, I worked on Cosplays and other crafts in an incredible speed, I have literally no idea where I found the time but I somehow did and doll parts arriving every week did the rest.

I keep the blog running with partially 2 month old stuff but .... to be honest I don't have doll stuff aside photos to do anymore. All I can do is wait for bodies to be shipped (or dolls even) and arrive. There has been no movement since January. Aside Iza getting the shipping notice for our Split, might take a while until its at her place and I can't really start on the Akuma until I got the body (which I at least have finally ordered this month) as colors need to be matched and mods to be made.

I am truly itchy to do something else than sewing all the time, I do enjoy cosplay but you know how much I like sewing (hint: not at all). So to remind myself of the fun I had in the past weeks I have mixed my blog to bless me with some progress I had which was maybe not sewing all the time. And well, the Cosplays have deadlines and I do get some ideas aside purely sewing while doing them, so that keeps me going for now.

Yes, I could start redoing dolls like Alastor or Erwin. But you know what? IT'S ALMOST ALL SEWING. Urgh.

Aside that real life is pretty good at eating me up and I just want to enjoy crafting. Right now drawing feels like stress relief but I hate the results and just scan the pieces and put them away to never look at them again, I have a bunch of posts queued up without any captions, a wip entry of a current project only has two photos but I lack the spoons to actually get them done. But since those posts are so far back it's fine (yes I know drafts are a thing).

In general I enjoy having my art to myself to get used to it before I put it out into the wild as I just recently got reminded I do bad with direct comparisons still and it hits some triggerpoints from the past and makes everything harder, I don't need that.

I literally have no idea if this blog makes sense even, lol. I just am tired of sewing and stopped working on my current project around lunch time and have drawn so much today and I walked way too much the whole week my friends urged me to stay the ef home and at least try to relax. But I'm restless as my body is too stressed (I know it all I'm a certified relaxation trainer so eh), so, have an over the place blog entry.

[sincerely-sofie]

The finishing of this fanfic has left me with some pretty mixed emotions. On the one hand, I dont want it to end. It's such an incredible piece of work and even though I finally committed to reading it a few weeks ago, it already feels like such a significant part of my life. On the other hand, I'm a little glad that it's over. FAR from the sense it was bad (I'll steal your liver if thats how you interpret it) but moreso in the sense that it was like a good crying session. It's something that a lot of us (or I assume a lot of us) typically want to avoid even though we know its good for us, and satisfying after the fact. It's like catharsis in a way. Endings aren't always a great feeling in the moment, but it's something that we can look back on with a fondness.

I'm so glad I found this work. I'm being completely serious when I say that this fanfic, and the other content you make, has changed my life for the better. Its helped me reconnect with that love I have for creativity after nearly a decade of not making anything even though I wanted to. It's helped pulled me out of a few ruts of depression. It's helped me realize that I'm not actually emotionally stunted (per my own conclusions) and be more willing to cry instead of burying those feelings. In the past I would just, kill these kinda thoughts before they got far because of how much I wanted to avoid crying. Much less actually writing them down, or express them to someone else. But now, I've been crying the whole time I write this, and for the first time in, I think ever, I'm okay with that. I know we don't actually know each other, but you've genuinely helped me become a better person with the things you make. Thank you so much for everything you've done Sofie. hey look! I got your name right!

But enough about me. I feel like it's getting indulgent at this point. (I've gotten dehydrated with how much ive cried writing this and from what I can tell, you cry a lot more than I do. So go drink some water first, and then) I wanna hear your thoughts. What are your thoughts and feelings about your work being finished? Do you have plans to take a break from creative endevors for a while, or are you gonna keep going? Are you going to be expanding more on this and other au's, different fanworks or move into something completely your own? Whatever the case may be, I'm excited to see what more you are going to come up with!

From the bottom of my heart, and on behalf of everyone else, Thank you for everything.

It's so surreal to have posted that final chapter. I finished the first draft almost 100 days ago exactly, and I spent a number of days after completing it kind of adrift. I'd go to my computer every morning like I had during the month prior and sit down, ready to write, only to remember that I was actually supposed to be taking a break before I made the final edits.  It didn't click in my head that I had actually done it… until a couple weeks later when it hit me like a truck that I had an entire completed manuscript sitting in my Google Docs. I think I was making myself lunch at that moment, and I had to bolt to lie down on the floor and put my legs up against the wall because I was ready to pass out at the realization. 

This feels pretty similar. For me, The Present is a Gift— the main fanfic, at least— was finished in mid-January. But the process of uploading it and agonizing over what people thought of every passing update wouldn't be formally done until about 3 months later. It still hasn't clicked in my head that I won't be posting a new update once Tuesday rolls around. 

On the subject of taking a break— I've actually been taking a break, at least partway! I've barely written anything after I finished TPiaG's first draft, and I haven't drawn much “serious” art, for lack of a better word, since I started my blog. I've still been making things, yes, but scattered oneshots and sketchy pieces without solid lineart are not my typical fare. I'm usually a lot more “exact” with what I make— words fail me here— I hope I'm not being too vague! I might take a brief break as I finish up the winter semester, but that would be less a break from creating and more of an “OH MY WORD I NEED TO FOCUS ON NOTHING BUT PASSING THESE COURSES” kinda thing. 

TPiaG (along with its derivative AUs) is still very much a living project to me— there's a lot more stories the characters have in them, even if I struggle to envision a full-on sequel. I'm absolutely going to answer the asks relating to it that I've received over the months along with any I continue to receive, and if I get any ideas for comics or oneshots here and there, I'll make them. As for what's officially next up on the Sincerely Sofie menu, I'm planning to make a visual novel that's a lot more meaty than the last one I made. I'm not sure if it will be original or based on TPiaG— but a visual novel is the medium I'm planning on! 

I'm so overwhelmed by your kindness. I truly don't have any words. This project started off as something private to help distract me from a depressive episode and to process trauma, and it's become so much more. I'm so glad it was able to help you. Catharsis was the keyword for TPiaG— I wanted it to uproot difficult emotions and help people start to heal from them, but I never dreamed it would really help anyone but myself. So to hear it was able to provide you with that is unbelievably meaningful to me. 

I gave myself the goal somewhat recently to let myself cry whenever the urge strikes me. I used to go months without crying, and whenever I did shed tears, it was alone in my room while muffling the few sounds I accidentally let slip. I'm a natural crybaby, but I had schooled myself into thinking for a number of reasons that it was bad to cry— that it was selfish, or attention-seeking, or weak— so I've been trying to reclaim my teary-eyed identity. It's been difficult, but it's so freeing to let myself feel things fully. All of this is to say: let the tears fall. I've helped more people by crying than my stoicism ever did. 

Thanks again. I can't properly word my gratitude, but know that it's overwhelming :,>

[bvannn]

Weekly update March 22, 2024

I’m still exhausted beyond words. I’m also on a bit of a spiral where I’m worried about the quality of my art and about my output, but it’s okay because I’m chipping away at old big projects still and as soon as classwork is subsided I’m going to try to learn a new skill, because any time I feel insufficient I learn a new skill so I can be better. Classes have been kicking my ass mostly but hopefully big things will be coming sooner rather than later.

I’ve been doing a number of drawings to time myself and update my comms. Turns out I’m a lot less consistent than I thought so it’ll be a bit longer till I get prices sorted out but it’s coming along. Also good chance I’ll add more on to it later once I sort out more things I can offer. My usual drawing style will be the main one, but I’m hoping I can also add the epithet erased style, the chibi dnd mini style I do sometimes, options for backgrounds, and eventually also music.

Problem with music though has been my exhaustion. The only music stuff I’ve really been drilling at has been bigger projects, but I’d like to just sit down and do a small beat as well at some point. Once I catch up with classwork I might try. I have been chipping away at a couple instrumental pieces, as well as the larger vocal cover and I did some lyric writing today for the two ‘finished mostly’ ones I’ve been sitting on. I did have to scrap and redo a character theme for the second time this week but once I have some time with a clear mind I can reroute that one and use the melody I wrote for the last draft. In development right now are an ambient character theme, a 16bit-ish instrumental theme, a Zelda medley, a song cover with Kyo, a small gabber song with no affiliation to anything, the two original vocal songs, one symphonic rock and one EDM, and a handful of others that I haven’t been actively working on. As soon as I have significant time I’m going to try to finish off some of them.

Once the music is finished I’ll have to throw visuals together for them too. I really want to put in effort to make animation rigs again but I don’t have the time or energy. I might do one for the vocal cover song since I could be reusing the character but I’m not sure it’ll be necessary. Once the cover is done I’ll storyboard something and decide then.

Comic is also still going, I haven’t had a ton of time to do thumbnailing/writing, but I should be down to the last scene. No guarantee I won’t have to add more after editing, but it’s getting there. Once that’s done I’ll try to post roughs of specific panels so it’s a bit easier to keep track of where it’s at. The thumbnailing is a big bottleneck right now because it takes a lot of brain power but it’s almost done. If I get myself together this next week it should be done by the next update. No promises though, I have a lot of classwork.

Last couple things, a good amount of my exhaustion is the result of insomnia, but I’ve been using that time to plan out TTRPG campaign stuff. I think I have some really fun creative encounters. I think I probably will try to write it out and find a way to release it, just in the interest of getting more people to play the anime campaign system (or whatever they end up renaming it to when the epithet erased version of the rules drops… eventually). I might throw together art for that too, but that’ll be a ways off, after the writing and encounters are done. Plus ideally I’d want the module to be available for free, so I don’t need to add too much anyway.

Last thing, as I mentioned I’m a bit unsatisfied with where I am with art stuff. I want to thank everyone who has been sticking around, I am trying to make it worthwhile for you too. But whenever I am unsatisfied with myself I need to learn a new skill, so I may be dipping my toes into pixel art soon. I do have that 16bit ish instrumental song I mentioned, that’s been on the back burner since January but I’ve finally been hit with the inspiration to finish it, and a little pixel animation would be nice to go with it, but that would require me to learn pixel art itself first, so I’ll try to do that in the coming weeks. Idk how soon though.

This next week will be primarily dedicated to clearing up schoolwork and fixing my sleep problem. After that I’ll try finishing up that cover song, finishing up comic thumbnailing, and finishing up that instrumental song, in that order. Anything else is a bonus. Will class work and insomnia get in the way? Probably, but I’m still doing my best.

[co-reborn]

2023 Update

Most normal people would do this in January, but here I am being a weirdo and doing it in February. Why is that so? Well, it’s because my life has taken a major change exactly a year ago so I’m doing it now instead.

Life isn’t too bad, I’m not very busy but I can’t get to writing as easily as I used to. I still want to write, I still spend some time every other day opening up a draft but the words aren’t coming as easily as before. 

This update will mainly be talking about my drafts and asks along with other random bullshit:

Drafts

Throw everything you expect from me out of the window. I don’t even know what I want to commit to anymore. My two original series are pretty much dead and I lack the drive to complete them. A part of me really wants to even delete the rewrites but I would not for the memory of them. Just don’t expect a continuation of them at all, let alone the completion of them. 

I think the only few drafts I’m really interested in are some college AU smuts (like Bust or Bust) along with trying to get Conquered Odds to a satisfying conclusion. However as usual, ideas come in the most random places so I might stray away from these again in the future. 

Basically, don’t expect any specific piece from me. If something even comes out, hope you guys appreciate it and continue supporting me. 

Asks

I have been ignoring many many asks for the past year and I’m not really in any mood to get to them whenever I do have free time. So I intend to delete all of them and empty my inbox for a fresh start. Going forward, I will try to answer them but I also can’t guarantee answering them. If I don’t feel like it, I’ll likely just delete it. Hope there are no hard feelings. If I don’t want to, I don’t want to. As easy as that.

Community Labels

So ever since this bullshit has been a thing, I mainly upload my posts with them immediately but I don’t think all my readers see them because they are hidden due to the mature tag. Look at this post by peach on how to turn off the filter. 

To avoid missing out on my posts, I do hope you guys also check out my pinned post or my (desktop) masterlist on my latest works. I will not be posting my stories with the tag immediately but will delay it for maybe a week or two, or good ol’ Tumblr decides to put it for me. 

Confidence

My confidence is fluctuating a lot these days. Sometimes I come in wanting to write, then I sit in front of my computer/phone and no words come out. From my POV, there’s no better way to get a gauge of how the general readers view my works other than notes so I tend to over fixate on them at times. The other writers are always amazing at conveying their feelings about them but it’s really hard to get any form of feedback from readers. 

I say this, but I don’t really want to reach out to you guys to send asks for some feedback but just to let you guys know how I feel about this and a little more about myself.

I’ll try to continue growing as a writer, but I feel like I’m stagnating a lot. Sometimes I want to try something different but I don’t know how to get started. So I go in a circle and go back to the default. Ok I think I’m ranting at this point and I don’t know where I’m going with this lol.

---

That’s it for the 2023 update, see you guys again if/when a new fic is out (probably)

[id-rather-be-an-outsider]

2023 Blog Schedule

Heyyy bestiesss, Emile here, how are you guys? I hope your 2023 has started off better than mine — I’m currently recovering from COVID after testing positive on January 1st :/ It’s been an awful experience so far, please get vaccinated and get your boosters! I’ve had mine, and had most of my boosters but put off getting the most recent one, and now I’m suffering for it. I don’t want any of you having to experience what I am!

Moving on from that, I’ve decided that from here on out I’m going to have a yearly schedule for this blog! I want to post more content without putting tons of pressure on myself, so this year, I’m going to be focused on twelve major projects, one for each month! Keep in mind that I will also be posting some flash fiction for Dead by Daylight at the same time — that’s because I’m in a writing club for it and it’s only 200 words a week, which is pretty low stakes for me, and some of these projects will be centered on the long-term projects going on in that club (signified by an asterisk). Anywho, I want to get into the current list, with their summaries:

January — Jean Kierstein x Pregnant!Reader

posted on 31 Jan 2023 — Cashmere and Cradles

February — Margaret Yamaoka (DBD OC)*

posted on 27 Feb 2023 — My Name is Margaret

March — Porco Galliard x Reader (College AU)

who knew that the aftereffects of a night of drinking would turn out to be so much more than just a hangover?

April — DBD Killers*

ya’ll remember HISHE’s superhero cafe and villain pub? yea, well… here’s my take on it

May — Fezco x Elle (Euphoria OC)

Elle, a girl from way out of town, visits her college friend McKay’s hometown for a weekend.

June — Adiris x Carmina Mora*

happy pride, from two beautiful, cursed, tall ladies in the fog to you!

July — Aaron Davis x Reader (already in progress)

when young and educated y/n’s given the opportunity of a lifetime, she plans accordingly. her life is finally starting to be perfect, until suddenly, it’s not anymore. her friendly neighborhood bachelor, Aaron Davis, helps her pick up the pieces, as she unknowingly makes him see that there’s more to life than being a villain.

August — TBD*

this bi-monthly community challenge has yet to be set.

September — Twee (Bella Sara)

Twee is often treated differently by other horses in North of North, and eventually the foal strikes out on their own.

October — Jester!Ji-Woon Hak x Princess!Reader*

Ji-Woon mysteriously appears in y/n’s kingdom as the new court jester, but he’s come for more than just laughs.

November — Ekko x Anemone (Arcane OC)

A child twice-orphaned fighting to bring power to the people, and a child without her mother, being used as a pawn in her remaining family’s struggle for power. This is the story of what happens when flowers manage to bloom in unexpected places.

December — TBD*

this bi-monthly community challenge has yet to be set.

If any of these projects interest you, please let me know which and I’ll place you on a taglist for them when I post them! I’m intending to limit myself to just these, but if I feel inspired I’ll probably pump out some other works, especially during Spring cleaning since I have so many babies sitting in the drafts, haha. Oh! Also, some of these are multi-chapters, like the Aaron Davis x Reader, Ekko x Anemone and Jester!Ji-Woon x Princess!Reader :) Happy browsing and happy new year!

[combeferres-mothematics]

ANOTHER fic question hehehehe....im so interested in ur Joly sick fic actually....did he manage to diagnose himself!! Did no one believe him until he actually started showing clear symptoms and he was like "I told you so!! 🤮🤮"....and...is he gonna get better? 🥺

LKJAFSKJHLSLFHALKJFHSAGLK OKAY YOU'RE GONNA BE IN FOR A RIDE. I have not only one, but multiple (this remains to be known how many) Joly sickfics XD

Once again below a cut because... I'm scared of how many I'm going to find in my drafts- (Sickfics mayyy be my favorite thing to write)

Even the Darkest Nights will End (I shortened the title significantly here lmao) - The one I talk about the most, and thought was ALMOST done... almost 2k words ago... (Enjolras, Joly, and Grantaire are now bothering Combeferre for stickers, so idek what's happening anymore) The summery is quite old, I think I wrote it 300 words in, and with a 103 degree fever (which is how this whole fic started tbh) XD This has also been one of my pet projects since... uhh... january? so there's a LOT of lore

It starts out with him just sitting in bed trying (keyword trying) to sleep, he's already very clearly ill, He's already home tested himself for several different things, and they all came back negative, so he's very adamantly trying to convince himself that it's just a cold, nothing worse. He's banished Bossuet to a different bed in hopes that he won't get sick (He will. It's inevitable, they share EVERYTHING), and he's feeling very lonely :((

And I've noticed, at least in my experience, that anxiety about these things is SO MUCH worse when it's the middle of the night, and everyone's asleep, and you don't want to wake anyone up to talk you down from thinking it's worse than it really is. This is the really angsty part of the fic if you can't tell already XD

Plus, a little snippet, I don't think I've shared anywhere yet! (do be warned mentions of worrying about throwing up)

Enter Enjolras: He's working late, and when he sees Joly he's very worried he's getting a lecture on healthy sleep habits (I say as if I know what good sleep habits are) And then as soon as he sees that Joly's been crying he instantly launches into "Oh shit my friend is anxious time to fuss over them" mode"

He and Joly proceed to have a very nice conversation that was surprisingly theraputic to write (I may have projected just a tad), and then Enj decides he's going to get Joly a little something small to eat. at 4am. Leading to one of my favorite scenes here XD

And now we have Combeferre!! :D And Joly's feeling a bit more cheerful now that he's not alone, left to stew in his anxiety.

I forgot I wrote this, but now I'm cackling over the mental image of lost duckling Enjy

Combeferre quickly banishes Enjolras because he's hovering, and things get angsty for a minute again (NOT RELATED TO THE BANISHMENT OF ENJ)

And here's Enjolras being autistic about the way Ferre's clothes smell :)

And then everything is good again, and Joly and Enj manage to convince Ferre to give them a sticker (And then Grantaire comes in to be like "If you give me a sticker too, I won't tell any of the others you gave out stickers")

And that's where this one ends off, so far lol. Joly does in fact get better in this one :D

AND THEN WE HAVE THIS ONE :D (don't mind the title or summery, I started it after being awake for 30+ hours)

This one is nowhere near as developed as ETDNWE, but it's a Everyone Lives, No One Dies au set in canon era, about ehhhhhh, maybe 3-5 months after the barricades? I'm still researching when Cholera ended there, and I think I found that there was another, very small jump in cases around Nov. 1832 (where all of them died), but don't quote me on that, I haven't looked at those sources in a while, so I could be misremembering.

Joly ofc is very nervous when the symptoms here start, since.. Cholera. But Bossuet keeps trying to gently assure him it's going to be alright/maybe it's just anxiety

But then things are worse by morning, and Joly scares the absolute Crap out of Bossuet by refusing to tell him what he thinks he has. He KNOWS. what it is though, he's seen it enough times for there to be no mistake whatsoever.

And Bossuet proceeds to leave the house before even getting dressed (Though he does grab his hat on the way out) And heads to go to the house on Rue Plumet to find Enjolras, who ofc will know where Combeferre is, cutting down the search time significantly.

(This is indeed and Enjosette siblings au as well)

And that's about as far as I've plotted for that one. and as for if Joly will be alright... >:3 We will see. *ominous voice*

Ty for the ask!! :D I always love discussing the sickfics XD, and now I'm very workpilled for both of them, so we'll see how that goes-

[noonaishere]

So I was sitting here, thinking to myself, wondering how long I’ve been working on this fic [also: I was thinking about this LAST week, I just forgot to type up this post. I feel like that’s just… this whole thing in a nutshell] and I decided to go through my phone to find screencaps and go through my gdocs to find the earliest document that’s associated with this coming fic...

And… I had forgotten that - originally - I was planning on doing a Choose Your Own Adventure-style Otome fic. It’d have each member of Ateez be one of the personality types you see in Otome games, and you’d read through it and click links and choose who you’d end up with in the end. I read a really great CYOA story on Twine a long time ago and I’ve been wanting to do one since then, though I haven’t had an idea that I felt was befitting it.

So I looked up the main Otome personality types and tried to fit each Ateez member to each type and then sort of ran out of ideas/was too busy with work, and so I just put it in a folder marked “fics” which has all fic ideas that I’m kicking around (some come to fruition, some don’t). The document is called “Otome Character Archetypes” and the date on that document is Jun 5, 2021.

Anyway, I recall kind of thinking about the idea for a while after that and then forgetting about it. My Jaehyun fic was still updating, and while I wanted to start a new fic so I had something for when that one was done, I think I might have been also working on some original stuff as well.

At some point I scrapped the Otome idea since I didn’t feel like I grasped the personality types enough to be able to write it well, and created a new doc called  “Ateez smau idea.” It’s creation date is November 7, 2021. (I don’t really use this anymore - the last time I opened it was February of last year lol - because I made a better, more organized “book bible” kind of thing at some point.)

Then I got this comment that sort of blew my mind.

And I was like… YO, what IF there were two couples trying to get each other together, our favorite (or at least my favorite) fic chaos but doubled? 

…

What if it was two fics?

So I started writing notes like, immediately-- AND I DELETED THE ORIGINAL DOCUMENT LIKE A FOOL. I KNOW I made posts about it in April and May, but I guess I copy/pasted the text out of the first documents and deleted the remains as I got everything together and made it make sense? Which - I now realize - I need to STOP. DOING. Since I don’t fucking journal about what I’m doing at all, I need to keep the docs themselves to know when I did things 😫😫😫😫😫

I don’t have the original version of the one side of the fic (it’s two fics. I’ll explain when it’s ready to come out. I don’t know why I do these things), but a file called “Notes from first draft” has March 8, 2022 on it. So I had to have written the first draft of it before then; somewhere in between January 19th and March 8th, because those are the dates of luvvvx’s comment and the day I apparently had enough of a first draft to read it and make notes about additions. The first drafts (of each side of the fic) had to have been very bare bones though, because the doc has a lot of smaller points in it that are intrinsic to the plot and that I know I decided on early on in the writing process.

So I started somewhere between: January 19th and March 8th, 2022. 

…And now it’s over a year later since I started the missing doc of the first draft, and I missed BOTH anniversaries of starting the fic (the comment and the first doc).

When I first was like, “When did I start this?” I thought maybe I could make a little post about it and be like, “Congratulations to STILL NOT BEING DONE” and it would be a lark and kind of funny since I’ve been working on this for so long, but I MISSED BOTH OF THEM. I had two and I missed them.

So yeah, idk what this is. 

Happy missed anniversaries I guess 🎉

[nineteenthirteen]

Hi, ya'll! I'll start to post things from my Insta on Tumblr now, which are mainly just Genshin Ocs. I'm posting them here cuz I want to give some more info on them and I don't think anybody is gonna read an Instagram description this long lmao.

Btw I'm sorry if the Sumeru and Liyue outfits aren't culturally accurate, I couldn't find any inspo on Google so I tried to improvised!

Anyways, first we have the newest one I made! Triboulet the Jester!

Triboulet is a 5* Hydro Polerarm user from Fontaine! The Fontaine vision shape is a fanmade design by i-kant_even on r/Genshin_Impact on Reddit. Credits to them!

I never made a child character before, so I decided to finally make one today and I absolutely LOVE her!

Her personality is similar to Diona's, although Tribuolet doesn't actually wanna destroy anything. She's just a little tiny gremlin! She's pretty arrogant and causes trouble wherever she goes. I haven't thought of anything else about her since I just made her today.

There's also a little backstory for her name! I found it interesting that the Harbingers are named after characters from an Italian show (or drama? Can't remember, something like that.) so I wanted to give her a name that's from a French show, book, or anything else. Then I found... Triboulet... The Jester who slapped the buttocks of King Francis I of France insulted the Queen, and lived to tell the story- and that's when I knew, that must be her name.

Next upp!!!!

Jiangguo! A 4* Geo User from Liyue Weapon is still undecided!

Just like Triboulet, I just made her today so I don't have much info on her. She's actually just been sitting in my drafts since 23rd January 2023, so her outift isn't very good. I tried to make it better but I just failed, and the geo effects are horrible too, I know. But I couldn't make it any better! Sorryyyyyyy!!! Oh btw her name means berry, because she reminded me of berries because of her hair.

I imagined her as a calm and collected person, like Zhongli or Kazuha. She can make people smile easily and she's positive no matter the situation! And that's bassicly all info I have on her-

Okay, now one of my favorites!

Fuyu Enfamia, 5* Dendro Catalyst user from Inazuma! Fuyu means winter in Japanese (I think). I found that out AFTER I named her lmao- this is why I always check on Google before the names are official-

Before I found out Fuyu means winter, all of the purplish blue parts were pink, but then I changed it to fit a bit.

Fuyu's personality is similar to Yoimiya's and Itto's, and it seems like she quite literally ALWAYS has a wide smile on her face, to the point you might think she's insane (She's not, she just ain't traumatized.)

She's also kind of a recent character, so she also doesn't have much info.

[confetti-cupcake]

Do you have any updates on your reality show AUs? I love your descriptions and the shows you chose. Patient waiting for when you drop updates or even the whole fics.

Hi there! 😊 First of all, it makes me so happy that you're interested and asking about my fics. It means more than you know to know that someone is actually interested in the reality TV premises and are excited to read something that I wrote.

To get a little personal, I haven't written much lately, or been very active on here for a while. We had a death in my family about a month ago, and then a friend of mine suddenly passed away at the beginning of October. So essentially I've spent this month in various states of grief, which as you can imagine, is not the best for fic writing, or engaging in 9-1-1 content in general. I have been slowly getting back into it though, trying to write a little at a time until I get my motivation back.

For more specific updates about each of the fics I'm working on:

🔪 Whodunnit — I'm taking a break from this one until death becomes a little less... topical in my life lol. I'm definitely going to come back to it at some point (I've actually been thinking up ways to change it so I don't have to make it include deaths of characters we all love), but I'm turning my focus toward other fics for now.

✈ Amazing Race — I don't want to promise anything since I don't know what my workload is going to be for the next few months, but I'm fairly certain that I will have this done by the end of the year, or end of January at the latest. This fic is either going to be a one-shot or a two-chapter fic, so much shorter than the others. I already have a lot of the meat drafted out, so most of what's left is writing up the last few legs and building out the connections between the "big" scenes. (I'm really, really excited about this one)

💖 Are You The One? — This one is a little tricky. I'm almost halfway done with this one (7 chapters written out of a projected 15). Problem is, I'm not super happy with chapter 7 and I've kind of been putting off editing it for that reason. I think I'll feel better once I just sit down and confront the issues I've been having with it head-on, but just finding the motivation to do it has been tough. I've been writing it in strict sequential order up until this point, but I have a really detailed outline for the rest, so I might just jump around to the scenes I've been wanting to write to get the creativity flowing and worry about the rest later.

🌴 Survivor — Ah, my beloved that also simultaneously makes me want to bang my head against the wall. I wrote about this in another ask, but there are a few reasons why this one has been taking a while and they pretty much just stem from the fact that I just want it to be really, really good. The first being that I've slowly kind of fallen out of love with Lone Star over time — I still plan on watching it and I don't think it's bad or anything, but it was getting really hard to find the motivation to write from the POV of those characters. So I changed the cast to all OG characters, which has been really exciting for me. It just feels better and it helps the story a LOT that not everyone in the cast is a character we're supposed to like. However, the downside to this change is I had 100k words worth of the fic with the old cast drafted out, so now I have to completely re-write a lot of the scenes and change storylines to get them to fit with the new cast.

Also, unlike my other fics, the Survivor one isn't completely focused on Buddie. It has scenes from everyone's POV, and each person in the cast has their own story arc throughout the game. Buddie will definitely be a big part of it, but there's also a fair amount that has nothing to do with them. I just love all the OG 9-1-1 characters and wanted to write something that gave everyone their time to shine — I also thought the actual Survivor game would be more fun and interesting if we hear what everyone's thinking along the way, rather than from just two people.

Full disclosure, I am in the middle of editing chapter 2 of this fic, so still a ways to go on that, but as the number of characters voted out increases, the chapters will become faster to write and edit. Also as I start finishing up stuff on my other fics, it'll open up more time for me to work on this 😄 I'm very committed to getting it done, regardless of how long it takes!

And now, off to work on some of these! 😉

[reverie-starlight]

{lover- m. atsumu}

I was listening to lover and I got inspired... this song makes me feel all kinds of lonely. Like- there's lonely, and then there's the kind of lonely I feel while listening to Lover.

Please enjoy this! I had fun writing it. I even made a special header for it cause this has literally been months in the making. I used the lover logo and everything hehe.

Reader: Gender Neutral!

Warnings: some language and alcohol consumption by reader, like one (1) dirty joke. slightly suggestive, but very very briefly in a couple spots. this is one of the fluffiest things I've ever written and I blame Taylor Swift for making me soft. not proof read.

Character: Miya Atsumu (you have no idea how long this has been sitting in my drafts under the name (lover- unspecified hq character) because I couldn't decide between Akaashi, Atsumu or Suna. Of course Atsumu prevailed bc I am in love with him.)

Word Count: idk but it’s long... definitely closer to 2k?

Synopsis: A collection of moments from when you and Atsumu navigate having your own home and living together for the first time.

Notes: The way this is set up isn't going to match the song 100%, I just chose some stand out lyrics, so it's a songfic, but not really. It isn't the whole song. And these moments aren't like, in sequence or anything, it's basically drabbles based on whatever I thought of for the chosen lyric.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

we could leave the christmas lights up 'til january

this is our place, we make the rules

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, you were able to sit down on the sofa and admire your handiwork. You curled up against your boyfriend's side and smiled at what had been accomplished.

For the past week and a half, you and Atsumu had been busy moving into your new shared home. It was an apartment, and it was already a million times better than your previous living arrangements. You were living together now and it was surreal.

And what's more was that it was yours. You weren't just spending the night, you weren't visiting- it was your shared home with someone you cared for so deeply. It was your place, and both of you were free to do as you pleased with it.

"You know," you started off quietly, not wanting to disrupt the peace but also wanting to get this thought off of your mind. "We could potentially put up the Christmas decorations around the apartment one day after work this week. We're not running on anyone else's schedule anymore. We can literally put them up whenever we want."

Your boyfriend peered down at you and smiled. It wasn't one of his usual arrogant grins reserved for the court, or one of the teasing smirks that he used when he wanted to get on your nerves. This one was softer. It matched the look in his eyes and you knew it meant he was as happy as you were.

Tired from helping you move around furniture all day, but very happy.

"That's true. And that also means we wouldn't have to rush to take 'em down within a socially acceptable timeframe. 'Samu was always a stickler for that." He slightly shifted so that he could look at the one storage box that had been left out for the time being. In black marker it read Holiday Decorations- they had come from your old apartment.

You felt bad leaving your friend without any decorations at all, but since you paid for them (and Osamu refused to give his brother their shared box) you took yours with you.

"That is also true." You sighed and looked around the newly finished living room. A comfortable silence took over once again.

"So were ya thinking tomorrow after you get home, or..." Atsumu trailed off.

Home. He must've said sentences similar to that a million times over the course of your relationship, however it was always referring to a different place with people who weren't him. The weight of it was different now. Home was with him, and though it felt like that even before moving in together, home- as in the physical place you now lived- was also with him.

"That sounds perfect." you grinned up at him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

have I known you 20 seconds, or 20 years?

The only way to describe this moment was pure.

Lying face-to-face in bed with your lover, not talking at all, just admiring each other. Sometimes he would brush away a strand of hair from your face and follow up with caressing your cheek. Talking wasn't needed. You were at a point in your relationship with Atsumu where silences didn't need to be filled with meaningless small talk.

You had an understanding of each other now and it ran so deep that you wondered how you hadn't known this man your whole life. In the grand scheme of your time on this planet, you had only known him for a small part of it.

It baffled you, in all honesty, how you knew he would be your forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

can I go where you go?

can we always be this close forever and ever?

When he first brought up the prospect of living together, you were a bit hesitant.

You knew there was no need to be, considering you had been together for years, but you were scared of change and you really loved how things were going. Moving in together was bound to cause more petty arguments until you could both navigate the new dynamics that it was bound to bring to your relationship.

And if you were being really honest, you were worried that you wouldn't necessarily have your own space- your room would now be shared, you had to be mindful of how you decorated the place so it would be to both of your likings... you were scared that moving in with someone (who wasn't just your roommate) would take away some of the joys of independence.

But once you got settled and used to living together?

You never wanted to be apart from him again.

Laughter rang through the kitchen as he flung some flour at you. It was one in the morning and the two of you decided it would be a good idea to make cookies.

"Okay, okay! I yield! Just stop!" He laughed as you were about to crack an egg over his head.

You set the egg down and pretended to be done with your attacks. Walking over to the sink to wash your hands as he put the cookies in the oven, you silently filled up a small cup with water.

"Alright, I'm gonna go change-" he was cut off by a splash of water in his face.

You grinned at him and started backing away as he wiped a hand over his face. He noticed you trying to sneak away and lunged at you.

"Oh no, you're not getting away that easy," he laughed, chasing you around the kitchen.

Yeah, you wouldn't trade living with him for the world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

take me out, and take me home

You were drunk.

You had gone out with a group of your friends to celebrate a birthday and you were lucky enough to not be playing designated driver. You were going to offer but Atsumu suggested that he take that role on instead since he had practice the next day and didn't want to go in with a hangover.

("Plus," he said, "You always offer and you deserve to have some fun, too.")

You seldom drank when you went out with friends, usually just preferring to watch over them and make sure they were safe. Even Atsumu had only ever seen you drunk a handful of times, and never in a public setting with loud music and other drunk people involved. But tonight you decided that as long as he was there to keep you from doing something stupid, you could let loose. He had no idea what was in store.

So when you stumbled up to him and interrupted his conversation with one of your friend's boyfriends (who also opted to stay sober), he couldn't help but laugh a bit. You tried to lean on the bar beside you but missed it, causing your boyfriend to quickly catch you before you could drop to the ground. You bounced back quick from the embarrassment, using his hands on your waist to your advantage.

"Hey, handsome," you tried to flirt, putting your arms around his neck, "can I buy you a drink?"

He stared at you for a second before smirking. If he knew one thing about you when you got drunk, it was that your confidence could easily be turned into clinginess or shyness depending on how he responded to whatever advances you made.

He whispered something in your ear that made you flush. Then you were hiding your face in his neck as he laughed at you even more, patting your side.

"'Tsumu, c'mon, let me be the flirt in this relationship for once," you mumbled against him.

He rubbed your back comfortingly and said "I'm very sorry, baby, you can flirt with me all you want on the car ride home, kay?"

You nodded and brought your face out of hiding.

He checked his phone for the time. "We should get going, actually, it's getting pretty late. Is that alright with you, sweetheart?"

You nodded and jumped on him, making him scramble to catch you once again. "Take me home, lover."

And when he did eventually get you home, after saying bye to your friends, and a car ride full of your flirting, he realized had to carry you the whole way up. Sleepiness was taking over and you were getting sappy- his favourite part.

He sat you down on the bathroom counter, washing your face and brushing your teeth for you with the softest look in his eyes as you rambled on about all the reasons you loved him. He listened to you speak with a fond smile, small hums of acknowledgement leaving his mouth and his chest swelling with love.

"And, I'm just so proud of you, baby, you're amazing." You finished your slurred rant with a bright smile and a sloppy kiss to his forehead.

He giggled a bit and hugged you tightly before pulling away to look into your eyes. "You have no idea how much I love you. How grateful I am for you," he ran his hands up and down your sides and smiled when you squirmed. "Now let's get you into bed, sleepy." He peppered you with a few kisses before taking you to your shared bed and lying you down.

He always wanted to be the one who brought you home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and i'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you

i've loved you three summers now honey, but i want 'em all

He had taken you as his plus one to an event he was obligated to attend. It was some sort of banquet- you weren't really clear on all the details but you did know that it was a big deal for Atsumu. There was going to be a lot of potential sponsors for him and his teammates, so you wanted to make sure that you weren't being anything less than perfect so you wouldn't attach a negative image to him. (He told you that there was nothing to worry about, that nothing you could do or say would ever be so bad, but you worried anyway.)

You really were trying to be calm and collected.

But this girl, the daughter of a potential sponsor, was seriously pushing your limits.

The entire night she had been eying him, just waiting for you to leave his side- glaring at you then smiling at Atsumu if he happened to look over. You were not having it, obviously, and you tried to make it clear that she had no chance.

But she was persistent.

"I mean, come on, I can get my dad to sponsor you so easily- I have a lot of sway with him, you know? There’s just one condition you’d have to meet," you heard her say as you were walking out of the bathroom and back to his side.

You rolled your eyes. You knew your boyfriend was attractive- it wasn't unusual for people to try to flirt with him before realizing he wasn't single- and you knew you had nothing to worry about. He was so loyal and loving and he would never even entertain the thought of betraying you like that.

But sometimes he could be a bit dense.

He definitely wasn't the playboy flirt the media often made him out to be. In fact, you even made the first move before you started dating. He hadn't realized you were flirting at all until you made it clear to him.

So you didn't hold it against him when you heard him being friendly with the girl who now had a hand on his arm. You walked up beside him and looped your arm through his free one. He immediately turned and smiled at you, then tried to introduce the girl. 

“Oh, hey baby, there ya are. This is-” he widened his eyes at you in panic as he realized he forgot her name and you had to fight back the smile that was making its way onto your face. He quickly turned to face the girl to make it seem like he directed that last sentence at her. “My partner, (L/n) (Y/n).” 

She didn’t remove her hand from his arm and only seemed to latch onto him tighter at your arrival.

The girl faked a smile towards you. “Hi,” it was obviously cold, and if Atsumu hadn’t noticed her behavior before, he was definitely catching on now.

He pulled his arm out of her grasp and moved closer to you. “She was just telling me about how ‘er father’s company could be a potential sponsor. What were ya saying before about me having to meet a condition?” 

She flushed but didn’t lose any confidence. “Well, I was going to say the condition was buying me dinner... would you be interested, Atsumu?”

Your eyes widened at her use of his first name and he frowned. “Uh... definitely not. Please call me Miya. We’re not close, and we’re never going to be. Thank you for your sponsorship offer, but I think your condition is a little too impossible for me to meet. I have a partner and the least ya could do is respect that.”

With that said, he moved his hand into yours and tugged you along behind him. You stuck your tongue out at the girl as you passed her, not feeling bad at the embarrassed look on her face one bit.

Once you were out on the balcony, he apologized for not realizing she was flirting sooner. 

“’Tsum, it’s all good. Once you did realize it, you shut it down immediately. You did nothing wrong.” 

He nodded but you could still tell he felt guilty. You grabbed his hand and squeezed it so he would look at you. “If you feel bad about getting hit on a lot when I’m around, or flirted with despite this relationship being public knowledge, please don’t. I trust you and I know that you would never break that. It can be frustrating, and maybe some days I feel more insecure than others, but at the end of the day? We go home together. We’re a team, okay? I love you.”

Atsumu looked at you like you just hung the stars in the sky. “I love you so much.” He wanted to hug you, pick you up, kiss you- show you how much your words reassured him and how grateful he was for you. 

But there were still people on the other side of the door who would be eager to call the two of you out for being unprofessional at one of his work events. So instead he settled for placing a quick kiss on your hand.

He glanced through the doorway and then stood up. “How mad do you think my publicity rep would be with me if people saw us leaving early again?”

“He’d be pissed. You’ve been so good tonight.”

“And you’ve been perfect. Just like I said you’d be. I think we can risk a few articles, right?”

You sighed, but smiled up at him anyway. “One of these days we’ll see a work party through to the end, but today is not that day.” 

The two of you giggled and snuck out of the party, not caring one bit about the affronted looks of old businessmen or the teasing glances of his teammates.

The next morning, his phone was blowing up with angry messages from his managers and some snarky texts from his brother. He shut off his phone and rolled over to fall back asleep with you in his arms. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me

“Baby, I lied, I have another one,” said Atsumu as he walked up to where you sat on the couch. 

You groaned. Your boyfriend had been telling you bad jokes all morning, obviously trying to get on your nerves, and you finally managed to get him to stop.

Or so you thought.

“Atsumu, I swear, it’s only been twenty minutes-”

“Just listen! I think you’ll like this one.”

You sighed. “Fine. Go ahead.”

He dramatically cleared his throat and stood up a little straighter. “Now this may seem corny but you make me-”

“Atsumu,” you cut him off when you realized where the joke was going. 

“Knock knock,” he said, as if he anticipated you’d cut him off.

“Who’s there?” you couldn’t have sounded more done with him if you tried.

“Al.”

“Al who?”

“Al give you a kiss if you just open this stupid door!” The smile he gave you reminded you of a puppy after doing a trick- proud and looking for a positive response.

You pulled him down by the collar of his shirt and kissed him.

“You’re lucky that one was cute- it made up for that other one.”

His smile widened. “Speaking of that one-”

“Oh fine, have your way.” You tried and failed to sound annoyed as you put your arms out for him. 

He laughed and picked you up, running to your shared room.

You had to admit- you were happy that you were the only one he directed those types of jokes to.

And even if they were lame, you still loved him with everything you had.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you're my, my, my, my lover

[leslie-lyman]

An Update

This is mostly just a note to myself, but also a little writing update for anyone who is interested. Because writing things down in a list is the only way I get anything done when I’ve got a bunch of things to accomplish, here’s my tumblr-related to-do list/some things you can expect from me soon:

Finish up a bunch of reblogs I have sitting in my drafts. Most of the reblogs I had in my drafts when I made this post I’ve gotten through, but in the meantime a bunch more have accumulated because I have too many talented friends who are constantly writing and posting so many amazing fics! What a problem to have, amirite? Anyway, I’ve gotten the number of reblogs in my drafts to below a dozen, so I’m gonna count that as a win and check this (technically never-ending) task off this list.

Make and post a real actual official taglist form for people to use. Done, you can sign up here!

Finish replying to all of the lovely comments on SAMG Chapter 7.

Finish up SAMG Chapter 8.

Chapter 8 is currently at 1800 words (Feb. 7th update: 3400 words and climbing!). I have no idea how long the finished chapter will be, but based on the general range of chapter lengths thus far you and I both know it will be quite a bit longer than that.

Some more SAMG/Leslie’s mental health ramblings below (no spoilers).

I know exactly how SAMG is going to end, and have since before I posted Chapter 1. In fact, I’ve already written the very last scene of the very last chapter. But bridging the gap between the end of Chapter 7 and the very last scene is proving to be a tricky and delicate process. I’m actually now kinda sorta writing all three of the remaining chapters simultaneously, since things keep coming to me out of order.

January is also just a garbage mental health month in general, and I know I’m not the only one who is affected by a beginning of the year slump. I’ve spent a good chunk of this month in what I like to call the Bad Brain Place. Just gathering the spoons to reply to folks’ wonderful comments on Chapter 7 has been a struggle.

I also really, really, really want to get the last few chapters of SAMG right. I want to have it make sense and not feel rushed and be a satisfying conclusion. It feels horribly selfish to say so, but having people say such nice things about and be so invested in this story with me leads to a feeling of “oh fuck, well now I hope I can stick this landing/I better stick this landing so folks aren’t disappointed/I better be able to keep up the level of storytelling quality from the previous chapters all the way to the end.” And that is NOT AT ALL to say that I am not BEYOND grateful and appreciative and flattered by all of the lovely things y’all have taken the time to say about my story, AT ALL. This is not a reader-created thing. This is a “Leslie has anxiety, is her own harshest critic, and puts more pressure on herself than anyone else ever could” thing.

Anyway, I don’t necessarily have an overarching point here or anything, but the fact remains that we will get there, folks. More Tessa and Pero to come. Soon.