#this has blown my mind how did I not notice these parallels myself I literally studied hamlet two years ago

[longinglook]

I may or may not have spent my entire Sunday binge watching all of I told sunset about you and Gaya sa pelikula and now I have so many thoughts and feelings that I need to write about them so here we go! Under a read more (if tumblr allows me to) because it’s 2k words hehe

First of all, I knew next to nothing about both shows before starting them. I had seen a couple of gifs here and there, but really had no idea what I was in for.

I started with I told sunset about you, which has 3 episodes out of 5 out. All I knew is that it was going to be beautiful and possibly sad, and it was. Everything about this show is so high quality, from the audio to the dialogue to the locations to the acting, just wow. The production is better than a lot of movies I’ve seen, and every technical aspect is perfect. I am really loving the plot so far as well, I find the childhood friendship to stubborn rivalry to grown up friendship again very relatable. I think it’s a very common experience for a lot of non straight folks to develop an extremely close bond with a same sex friend when you’re too young to realize what you’re actually feeling for them until you’re a lot older and suddely the jealousy and possessivenes all make sense.

I love the recurring themes sprinkled throughout the episodes, starting from the chinese vocabulary that expresses the core thoughts of the two main characters: rival, intimacy, secret, male protagonist, as promised. They could easily be the episode titles, or the names of imaginary sections the show could be divided into. It’s a great way to integrate metaphors and deeper meaning into the plot.

That’s how most of the communication goes in this show, deep emotions are never conveyed through words because words are scary and loud and they can’t be taken back once they’re out there. The plot advances though stares and gestures and touch and gorgeous shots of the landscape. The pace is slow with hour-long episodes that could each be a movie of their own. This worried me a bit before starting, and I have to admit that at times I struggled to stay focused, especially during scenes that set the mood but don’t do much plot-wise. This is just a personal preference, though, and in no way I see it as a flaw. 

The dancing around each other the main characters do, sometimes literal, is frustrating but it determines an emotional build up that’s just starting to reach its peak. This is one of those shows that has me screaming if only they talked to each other, but the silences and unspoken words are so well directed and acted that it works. I struggle a lot with keeping in mind that they’re still in high school, they’re very young and I can’t expect them to act rationally just yet. 

I was really worried about Teh possibly going the insufferable Theory-of-love-khai way, and I am still not 100% sold on him. When he started helping Oh-aew again it felt like he was just doing it to make himself feel better about the whole thing. It was frustrating to see him so possessive and jealous while also so deeply in denial about his own feelings, to the point where he had me rooting for Bas instead. He was getting better, but then he fled at the end of episode 3 and now I have no clue what’s going to happen next. About this, I really have no idea if they’re going for a happy ending or a sad one. I’m really hoping it will be good, because so far there has been barely any emotional payoff for all the repressed longing and misunderstanding the show has put us through.

I do like their dynamic a lot though, I have a weak spot for childhood friends reconnecting and an ever weaker spot for informal mentor/mentee relationships. Oh-aew asking Teh to tutor him until he passes the admission exam was an almost exact mirror of Yuri on ice Yuri begging Victor to be his coach until he retires and I loved that a lot.

Now on to the one issue I have with this show: it feels too much like an art film. It reminds me of Moonlight and Call me by your name, in the way that I wasn’t able to connect with those movies because they are too perfect. They are so beautiful and carefully crafted that I can’t fully immerse myself in them. There’s a filter that stops me from relating to the characters and constantly reminds me that this is not reality. It’s pretty, it’s extremely well done, but it feels like art. It has some quirks, some scenes that feel too artificial. One scene in particular, the one where Teh buries his head in the paper Oh-aew wrote with his coconut scented pen to sniff it, which is a direct parallel to Call me by your name, bothered me in particular. Just as it felt over-the-top and purposefully weird in the movie, so it feels in the show. It’s a way of showcasing how a confused teen deals with attraction he barely understands, it’s raw and animalistic in a way, but it’s so quirky that all it accomplishes is to remind me that I’m watching an lgbt show. It makes me wonder if a scene like this would make sense in a straight relationship because here it seems to highlight how different and primal his attraction is. If I had to pinpoint it, I’d say that I have a problem with media showcasing queerness though peculiar, purposefully awkward scenes like these instead of normal kissing and cuddling.

Overall, I can’t wait to see how this show ends and I still think it’s one of the best bls to air in 2020, if not ever. It’s refreshing to see something with a big budget used well! So far my rating is 8/10, which I know is a lot lower than what everyone else seems to think but it’s still very much subject to change! Just hoping they won’t pull a Make our days count, but I doubt they’ll go there.

And now Gaya sa pelikula. Wow. Again, I knew next to nothing about this show before watching, and I was coming from a 3 hour I told sunset about you binge watch, so the bar was pretty high.

And boy, did this show deliver. I was blown away by the depth and the humor of it. It feels like the writers had fun taking all sorts of common tropes and stereotypes just to show everyone how well they can be evolved and made complex. Two strangers who somehow find themselves sharing an apartment sounds like the start of so many fanfictions out there, but it’s so well executed and interesting that you don’t even stop to think about how weak the premises for their meeting are. It doesn’t matter and it’s not even that far-fetched, either. The sister and the neighbor are also two characters that start off as extra stereotyped, but in just a few scenes they unveil an incredible depth and backstory. It blew me away.

Each character is so realistic. Everything they do and say makes sense, they all have their reasons and their past and they react accordingly, it’s so coherent. It’s impressive how everything takes place inside the house and you barely realize it because things happen and the plot moves anyways, and the way information about external events and people is conveyed is so seamless that you don’t even notice it. In only 7 episodes (so far) they have managed to give everyone a complex background and personality through the use of objects and small details and wow don’t get me started on the music.

The soundtrack is SO GOOD. I never really pay attention to music in shows but it plays a very important role here in my opinion and, well, it’s exactly the kind of music I like listening to and ahhh I just spent 4 hours playing the first kiss song on loop so I might be biased. Right from the start in episode 1, when Karl gives in to Vlad’s music and starts dancing to it, it’s established that it’s an important element to the mood of each scene. I love how the dancing I talked about for I told sunset about you comes back here, but while I saw it as a hesitant dancing around each other there, here it’s the opposite, it’s freeing and it’s about accepting yourself. And the end of episode 6 highlights this, with the beautiful quote “You are entitled to a love that lets you dance without fear and shame.” It made me cry a looooot.

I think the development of their relationship is masterfully done. It doesn’t happen too quickly nor too slowly. Karl goes through some needed shocks that act as his wake up call. When I’m watching bl shows I care the most about them feeling real and relatable. I don’t want to feel like they were written by a straight person trying to guess what it’s like to be gay. Now I didn’t look anything up about the Gaya sa pelikula writers, but I’d be very surprised if they were straight. I can relate to both Karl and Vlad for different aspects of their stories and their worries and thoughts. There was one part in particular that hit so close that I had to take a few breaks because it hurt too much. I am a lesbian, I’ve had relationship with a girl that lasted over a year, I am out to some friends but not all. I never came out to my parents, who are both very open minded and friends with a lot of gay people and would love me just as much if I told them, and yet I can’t. It’s not just that, I am terrified by the idea of them already knowing or being able to guess. When Karl freaked out over his uncle guessing, it hit me so hard because I’ve felt the same way so many times.

Episode 7 was amazing. I hate badly written drama the most, and 99% of shows can’t come up with any good reason for drama but they have to put it in there anyways and it sucks. This was the complete opposite, I adored it and I say this as a lover of fluff. It feels right, I think it’s an issue that would come up between two people like them. They are both right and the only thing that could happen there is what actually went down. I definitely think things will be fixed by the end and I am looking forward to it, but I am very glad this issue was included because it’s so important and so true to many lgbt people’s lives.

Another aspect I absolutely adored are the multiple references to lgbt theory and language, and Vlad has some of the best lines I’ve ever heard coming from a bl. When he tells Karl not to be afraid of the word, when he explains that “you don’t look gay” isn’t a compliment, when he scolds his sister for not acknowledging the things she used to say to him by covering them up with her ally act, those are all such important and educative moments that I hope everyone listens to. I love that Vlad is not correcting some ignorant bad guy, but it’s his accepting and loving friends and family that make the mistakes, because sometimes being supportive your own way isn’t enough if you’re not actively learning from the ones you want to support.

This is a 10/10 for me right now. I can’t find anything I don’t like about it. It never feels boring, it never feels overdone, it never feels cheap or unoriginal. It went straight to the top of my favorite bls.

And now I can’t help but compare the two a bit, because yes they are two different shows but right now the relationships they portray have reached the same point: there has been a climax and now the one who is more confused about his sexuality is panicking and taking a step back. It’s a coincidence that I watched both shows on the same day when their last aired episodes end in such a similar way, but it really leads me to compare the two. I don’t want to put them one against each other or say which one did it better because that’s not the point of this, they are both two amazing and important shows who are excelling in what they’re doing. 

Gaya sa pelikula is down to earth, it’s explicit and it’s straight to the point in explaining what’s going on inside each character’s head. It feels like watching real people deal with real struggles. I told sunset about you is a lot more subtle and quiet, and since we don’t really have a clear insight in the characters’ heads sometimes it’s hard to completely understand what’s going on with them. It’s a completely different way of narrating, and while Gaya sa pelikula makes me feel like I’m a part of the events, I told sunset about you feels like I’m just spectating from an outside perspective. They are different choices, but one of them ends up feeling a lot more emotional to me than the other.

To wrap it up, I highly recommend both shows and I can’t wait to see how they’ll end! They are both among the best shows of the year, both free of all those annoyingly stereotyped characters and plot points that most bls tend to overuse.

[i-loves-my-lemurs]

Fanfic writer's director's commentary! Thanks to @candycoloredwolf for the ask! I chose to talk about my first panchulien oneshot 'Wanna Dance?'. I wrote it in a single night on impulse so there's a few grammar mistakes and other stuff I noticed upon revisiting it.

I probably went way overboard on my commentary (oops) but it was so much fun going through it all. I hope this is entertaining.

.............

*the crocodile ambassador gave him an unusually soft smile.*

After everything that's happened in the show, I feel like the croc ambassador would have warmed up to Julien quite a bit and come to respect him as a leader. Also he's trying to butter Julien up before complaining about one of his subjects.

*provided they were on their best behaviour. It had said on the invitation that it was a 'sophisticated' event, so Maurice had managed to wrangle all of the lemurs into formal wear, and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, dancing in pairs to the soft music*

Man, I just love it when characters dress up in fancy outfits and go dancing together (like in the prom episode). One of my favourite tropes in fact, so I just had to throw it in there!

*but still all this fancy partnered dancing wasn't entirely to the ringtail's taste.*

As much as I like the formal dancing stuff, it wouldn't be something Julien would enjoy, so he's already looking for an excuse to bounce and throw his own afterparty. He's only stayed so far to try and be polite and improve relations between their kingdoms or something else that Maurice told him to do.

*Clover, Sage and the rest of the mountain lemur kingdom was there, and the king and queen were happily sharing a waltz. Maurice was dancing with his sister while Prince Brodney was teaching their children the steps*

This takes place after the show's finale, but without the inclusion of the zoosters, so sort of like a parallel universe? Where Julien and Clover are monarchs together, which I think is neat. Also People tend to forget that Maurice has a sister, myself included really, and I kinda wish they'd had more cute bonding moments, so I gave then a brother/sister dance.

*even Pancho was leaning against a tree*

Aside from the main squad (excluding Mort of course) Pancho is the only minor lemur that Julien really mentions here. Almost like he was looking for him specifically. Hmmm....

*He caught Julien's eye and winked. Julien chuckled fondly.*

Casual flirt.

*"I do have a minor issue with the behaviour of one of your, ahem, subjects*

That little cough just feels like something the croc ambassador would do when he's embarrassed, or to sound authoritative, so he did.

*Julien tore his eyes away from Pancho*

"Tore his eyes away" almost like he didnt want to look away. Hmmm...

*The anxious lemur was currently giggling as he twirled his new boyfriend around*

Ah, I just want Willie to be happy and have a good time with his bf. He deserves to laugh more. New boyfriend infers that they're in the early stages of their relationship, so they're just messing around being silly and cute and having fun together.

*but Horst and Mary Ann weren't doing much better.*

Horst and Mary Ann deserve a nice romantic dance. It would be pretty awkward because she's twice his size and can only really walk on all fours, but they don't even care. They just cut their own path through the dance floor and ignore everyone else, no matter how annoyed the other dancers are because they keep getting in the way.

*"Well, they're both males!" He said. "It's completely unnatural, wouldn't you agree?"*

Oof, the croc ambassador wants that snooty monarch solidarity with Julien since he's the most popular king in Madagascar, but that ain't happening any time soon. Not with that attitude!

*Julien was lost for words. He had known ever since he was young that he liked boys. Every male in the kingdom liked boys! In fact, it was considered a little unusual if you WEREN'T interested in the same gender.*

I like the idea that homosexuality is just the norm in the party kingdom, kinda like She-Ra. People are just gay and nobody thinks anything of it and coming out is celebrated. Julien doesn't care if you're gay or straight though, he just cares for his peeps and wants them to love who they love.

*whatever their genders were*

A subtle difference between Julien and the croc ambassador, Julien says 'genders' while croc ambassador says 'sexes' because Julien is more open to the idea of gender not being confined to biology.

*Julien took a few deep breaths and tried desperately to not get angry.

"What's the problem man, they're just dancing." He remarked in what he hoped was a neutral tone.*

Julien tries to keep his cool here, a bit of his character development showing. He now knows that everything doesnt have to be a scene, so keeps his temper. It's also kind of to protect Willie and his partner though. He knows they're having a good time and he doesn't want to bring to their attention that their host doesn't like what they're doing, because he knows they'll be upset.

 *"rather not have it ruined by such atrocities being committed!"*

And this was the point where I started to hate the croc ambassador too while writing.

*"Oh, hey Julio." Pancho smiled at him. "I was just gonna-"*

Pancho was just gonna say that he was bored with the party and wanted to leave. He would have asked if Julien wanted to come with (he could tell Julio was getting bored and he couldn't have THAT), which would have been a different fanfiction entirely.

*"Wanna dance?" Julien said.*

I honestly can't remember if I thought of the title or this line first.

*He considered sticking his tongue out at the reptile's back, but ultimately decided that such a juvenile display wasn't the best way to get his point across.*

Again, character development. Julien has matured (a little) and realised that there are better, more fulfilling ways of getting revenge.

*"OK." Pancho said with a shrug, and slid his paw over to Julien's waist,*

Once Pancho can mentally catch up with what's going on, he rolls with it. In fact, he sorta likes the idea of dancing with Julien, and had been trying to gather the courage to ask him for most of the night. I wonder why...

*As they danced though, he began to feel his attention drawn to a different place: how smooth Pancho was on the dance floor,*

We all know Julien's attention span is not great, so there's no way he's going to be able to stay angry when he's too busy being distracted by Pancho's smoothness.

*He raised an eyebrow. "You just couldn't resist?"*

Not entirely subtle flirt.

*"But you know, you're not a bad pick." He patted Pancho on the arm.*

Not entirely subtle either flirt.

*"Abner over there's been missing steps and stumbling all night!" He glanced over at Abner and his wife with a small frown.*

Poor Abner, he's the one getting picked on tonight. Bit of a running gag here.

*Pancho's eyes widened and he instinctively pulled Julien closer, whether it was to shield him or to further prove the point, Julien couldn't tell, but the ringtail wasn't complaining.*

Pancho does pull Julien closer on instinct to protect him, he knows how badly homophobia would hurt Julien's feelings. Julien is just loving it though. He was more angry for Willie's sake than hurt anyways.

*"But us lemurs dance with guys all the time!" Pancho exclaimed. "I've seen you kiss four different guys at a party once! What's his problem?"

"That's what I'm saying, wait I did what?"*

Even if they weren't a couple, dancing together is just something the males would do. They're that casual. And of course Julien would go around kissing everybody at his parties when he gets drunk enough. Poor Julien doesnt remember half of what he does at parties though.

*"Oh no, I don't mind." Pancho remarked, then cleared his throat awkwardly, looking away.*

Awkward silence much? Internally Pancho is just screaming *why did you say that?!" because he doesn't know how to handle his feelings right now, especially not with Julien so close.

(For any other ballroom dance enthusiasts, what they're dancing would be a mix between a waltz and a slow dance. Like a casual, less fancy waltz that's quite easy for them to get the hang of, but still quite romantic and personal).

*"You know Julio, I don't think he's gonna notice." Pancho remarked.*

But eventually Pancho plucks up the courage. They're already dancing, he tells himself. And Julien just wants to make the crocodile ambassador mad. Julien kisses people platonically all the time so he won't question it. If he doesnt like it, say you were doing it to piss off the crocodiles. And if he does like it... well...

*"Well, I had an idea." Pancho was avoiding his gaze again."*

He's still nervous of course, but he's made up his mind. It's all or nothing, baby!

*"Lay it on me." Julien said.*

And he does! Literally!

*And holy Sky Gods.*

I was tempted to have this line be 'holy crap' or 'holy sh*t' because that's what I would say idk but holy sky gods just works better for the show's lore, and allows the story to keep a G rating.

*All thoughts of spiting the crocodile ambassador had been fully driven from his mind*

Julien just gets so caught up in the moment, he's all "what crocodile ambassador?" he just wants to keep kissing.

*Julien stroked his paw through Pancho's soft fur and deepened their kiss.*

I imagine Pancho's fur would be very soft, he's always playing around with explosives so he's bound to get his fur burnt off every now and then, and it grows back softer.

This was the first time I wrote the lemurs kissing, so it's not the most explicit thing in the world. I probably couldn't write an explicit kiss scene to save my life though.

*"Hoo-ah." Pancho sighed softly.*

Hoo-ah" is exactly what Pancho would say after having his mind blown by a kiss like that. Just no thoughts, head Julien.

*"Yeah, crocodile ambassador certainly thinks so." Pancho said, a wild grin overcoming his face*

Heh heh, Pancho's happy because he just got to kiss his crush (and he liked it!) But also because he can see the croc ambassador is pissed and he loves the opportunity to mess.

*some looking angry, some looking intrigued*

Some of the crocs are intrigued because they've never been able to be open about who they are or experiment because of compulsory heterosexuality in their kingdom. Seeing two guys just being so open about their attraction to each other would definitely help them rethink things. They've never seen gay love expressed like this and it's new and exciting.

*Julien's face broke out into an ecstatic grin.

"Yeah that's right!" He called wildly. "I kissed a guy! At your party! Boom, I like kissing guys! Ha, suck on that loser! Woohoo!"*

Oh the sweet triumph of proving a point. This rant was a joy to write, it just feels very Julien.

*He grabbed Pancho's hand and held it up.*

Grab your boyfriend's hand, hold it aloft like a prize.

*"I'm like ninety percent sure Ted likes kissing guys!"*

Haha, poor Teddy needs to be extracted from the closet, pronto. Julien just has an excellent gaydar.

* and tucked a protective arm around his daughter's shoulders, turning her away from Julien.*

I imagine princess Amy would have some questions after this, questions which her father would definitley struggle to answer. If she really wants to find out what Pancho and Julien were doing, I imagine she'd visit the party kingdom alone, and the lemurs would be happy to answer her questions. Pancho and Julien may have ushered in a new era for the crocodile kingdom and their relationship with LGBT+.

*There came a cheer from the crowd of lemurs and they all began to head off the dance floor*

Of course the other lemurs go with Julien immediately, he's their king after all and the moment he suggests that someone might not be cool with their sexualities, they're ready to bounce.

*Clover and Sage at the front hand in hand,*

Clover and Sage would definitley be behind Julien 100%. The moment he declares that they're out of there, they just drop everything to leave with him.

*some mountain lemur ladies holding hands too.*

Mountain lemur lesbians? Anyone? I just think it's neat.

*"You read my mind, Julio."

Julien pulled Pancho towards him and tried to ignore how it felt like there was a little party going on in his stomach when Pancho called him that.*

Julien really likes that name! I see it as an affectionate nickname Pancho gave him that eventually just evolves into a pet name that makes Julien a little warm and fuzzy inside every time he hears it.

*Julien's heart leapt with joy to see Willie clutching his boyfriend's hands as they danced.*

Daaaww, Julien might pick on Willie but at the end of the day he likes to see him happy. He's glad they don't have to stay at a party where their dancing is scrutinised.

*Pancho rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as they stood face to face. "I'm sorry about kissing you, I just-"*

Now that there's some distance between them, Pancho has had time to think and wonder "oh sheesh, what if I messed it up, what if he only felt like it was platonic" and he's now all embarrassed, poor leem. He's just a guy in love.

*He nodded, then cleared his throat in an attempt to get a grip on his emotions. "You know, um, while we were dancing*

And now we see Julien trying to hold it together, these two are just so precious and I can totally see them stumbling over their feelings like that.

*kissed Pancho on the forehead, giggling slightly at the other lemur's squeak of surprise.*

Pancho is the perfect height for affectionate forehead kisses, let's not forget it!

*Pancho and Julien headed onto the dancefloor together and moved their bodies to the beat.*

They would have spent the night together just dancing and vibing (and making out probably).

*Nobody there who gave them the stink-eye or who told them that they were wrong. They danced and had fun and kissed without a care in the world. Julien felt so happy that his kingdom was a place where he could kiss Pancho all he liked.*

Ah I really went to town on the "love is love" concept here, didn't I? Well, a theme is a theme.

Julien's just really happy at the place he's created. He's glad they can dance and kiss and all that jazz, and he did that, he created a kingdom free of prejudice. It's exactly how I can see the kingdom's relationship with LGBT+ going down, a place where they're all just happy to vibe and be themselves.

.........

And that's the end. I hope you enjoyed this premium insight into my writings, and if you want commentary on another of my stories, or just have random questions, then my inbox is always open :)

[winchestersingerautorepair]

Cas in 13x14: Whatever it Takes

Okay, here we go. First off, let me just say how well-done that episode was. I was bouncing off the walls last night with commentary and general flailing (I’m pretty sure I drove my casual-viewer watching buddy crazy) and I couldn’t wait to organize and elaborate on the notes I took into a coherent post. Coherent is the key word here, because I’m looking back at my notes and seeing some of them are not quite as insightful and well thought out as they were at 10:30 at night (For example: “Dean but not, you know.” Huh? What does that even mean, Maeve?) 

Anyways.

Familiar Themes, New Context

So, Cas x Self Worth has been an important theme for a few seasons now --- and it has been well established that much of Cas’s self-worth stems from mission and his failures and successes on this front. While we have seen an exponential amount of growth from him when it comes to this (see resolution of depression arc as well as literal and metaphorical renewal,) 13x14 re-established Cas’s yearn for mission and purpose as well as the positive and negative implications this has for his character. I would like to point to the very title of this episode: “Good Intentions.” I know this title immediately brought Cas to mind for me as well as raise some red flags, because ‘good intentions’ never end up well, especially in Cas’s case. This is not to say he made some incredibly detrimental, immoral, irreversible mistake this episode --- because he didn’t, imo --- I simply point this out because it is key to interpreting his decisions and also helps to bring other examples of Cas’s good-intentioned actions to mind.

Now I will not deny some of Cas’s behavior and attitude reminded me of an earlier, more righteous and stoic version of the angel, but I was more struck by the the stark differences between Cas then and Cas now. In almost every other instance of “Cas on a mission,” he has removed himself emotionally from the situation (to the best of his ability.) He acts out of necessity, and does so with strategy and logic, and even when his actions aren’t solely objective he manages to make them appear so. While there have always been exceptions to this rule, I was blown away at how blatantly and unapologetically 13x14 threw away the Cas rulebook --- putting Cas’s actions and words in direct conflict, and taking a soldier who is usually cool and calculating and showing him as emotional and reactive. This conflict was so evident, in fact, my casual-viewing friend asked me what was up with Cas, and I didn’t have an easy answer:  I was just as blown away as she was. Cas has been growing increasingly emotional these past few seasons, but I had not yet seen it in this context; I had gotten used to the depressed, docile Cas, and it wasn’t until this season and the re-emergence of the BAMF I remembered so well that I really grasped all at once how much Cas has morphed as a character.

And that’s not to say I haven’t noticed the exponential changes in his character over the last few seasons, because, well, they were exponential. I didn’t think he could still surprise me.

He did.

Go figure.

Conflicting Narratives

I cannot tell you how important this strategy is to telling Cas’s story --- the audience is familiar with several iterations of Castiel, so paralleling his current actions/behavior with those of an older version of Cas is perhaps the most effective way of showing character development. And holy mother of hell has he done some development. First off, I’ll explain what I found so striking about Cas this episode. We were essentially told two different stories: Cas from the Winchester’s point of view, and Cas from his own point of view. Take, for example, this exchange:

Dean: How are you holdin' up, Cas?

Castiel: I'm fine.

Dean: No, I just mean with, you know, everything you've been through. And I know you really wanna find Lucifer.

Castiel: No, it's not that. It's about --- well, it is that, but it's also I --- Dean, I was --- I was dead.

Dean: Temporarily.

Castiel: And I have to believe that I was brought back for a reason.

(Cas goes into his responsibility for Jack and preparation for war with Michael.)

Once again, Cas’s search for purpose and how it ties into his self-worth. This episode is full of examples of Cas’s eagerness to get something done which he voices most enthusiastically to Sam and Dean, and while his zeal was refreshing it did not surprise me, nor did in seem to surprise the boys. It wasn’t until the visual narrative took a sharp turn that I really zeroed in on Cas, and you may know the scene I’m referring to: when he rushed down to help Dean after he was magically choked, and we got seven solid seconds (yes, I counted) of Cas staring bloody murder at Donatello before they cut away.

Here’s where it gets interesting. When discussing what to do about Donatello Cas’s argument is presented as strictly rational, all of his points relating only to what will further them to their goal. But he’s angry, and he decides to take things into his own hands.

(After discussing Donatello)

Cas: Fine. (Cas leaves the room.)

Dean: Cas---

Sam: Hey, what are you doing?

Cas: What I have to.

As soon as Cas is away from the Winchesters, something changes. His determination stays steady, but his motive comes into question--- this is more than just taking the mission into his own hands, this is reactive and aberrant. His rhetoric shifts away from logic and strategy to one much more emotional. Something hit a nerve.

Cas: I'm sorry, but I'm not going to let you, or anyone, hurt the people I love. Not again.

(cue me, yelling at full volume into the abyss.)

Voila! Conflicting narratives! We have Cas, presenting himself as strategic and logical to the Winchesters, and we have a view of Cas behind the scenes that tells a whole different story--- somebody with a rash, all-too-human reaction to seeing someone he loves being hurt. Cas approaches protecting his family with the same ferocity he does any other mission, the difference being he is driven by human emotion, and not angelic duty, which begs the question: which rules his decision-making process? These scenes can answer that in part. While it can be argued Cas’s actions could have just been a means to an end (the end being finding out the ingredients to the spell,) this course of action was undeniably reckless, and probably unnecessarily dangerous. We know Cas was strong enough to overpower Donatello and I am certain could have found another way to get to this information, not to mention whatever he did to Donatello could have easily killed him as well. Not to say he isn’t impulsive, because he is --- but this impulse was borne out of love and anger and vengeance, a motivator much more associated with Dean. In my opinion, Cas was not intent on leaving Donatello with any capacity to function, mind-probe or not. It was seeing Dean get hurt that stirred Cas up, and it was the prospect of either Dean or Sam being hurt again that motivated him to take immediate action.

Why It’s Important

So, what does that mean for Cas? In my friend’s words, Cas is morphing. We know how far Cas can be willing to go for a cause, but much of Cas’s new cause comes irrefutably from a place of deep emotion --- while most of his missions have been rooted in protecting the Winchesters (whether or not he would admit it,) this is a somewhat new territory. We saw a few examples of reckless decisions made in devotion to the Winchesters last season, i.e. killing Billy, but the circumstance is what is important here. Cas is restored to his old, confident, smitey self, and yet it has not compromised his own humanity; in many ways, it has made it more obvious. Cas is no longer vulnerable and is still more human than ever, and that was on full display for us in “Good Intentions.”

But why is Cas putting up the front? Why is he presenting his actions to the Winchesters only in the context of logic and mission? The closing scene, in which Sam and Dean confront him about what he did to Donatello, Cas says he “did what soldiers do.” He writes off his actions as just hurrying along the process. He doesn’t address the emotional aspect of what he did, but the episode makes it clear to the viewer, much more clearly than they have done in recent memory, that there is much more going on in Cas’s mind and heart than he clued the Winchesters into.

Cas has come to terms with his love for the Winchesters (something can be said for him grappling with different emotions toward each brother, but I’m not going into that right now,) and he has much more emotional intelligence than he did last time he was at full power and consumed with mission, so I think misunderstanding of and unfamiliarity with human emotion will play much less of a role than it did in season 6.

I believe Cas is embarking on a character arc that will determine just how far he will go to protect his family.

(By family, of course, I mean Sam, Dean, Jack, and Mary.) And that has many implications. This subversion of early Cas will certainly give light to character growth as well as help resolve parts of his character (we are in the autumn of the show, after all.) It also has the potential to create problems. As we saw this week, Cas acted on impulse and subsequently put himself in danger (albeit not out of suicidal desperation, thank gosh,) as well as the friction he caused by side-stepping the Winchesters. I myself am most intrigued by the two different stories Cas is telling, and what that means for him personally (is it easier for him to rationalize his actions to others in the context of a mission? Is there another reason?)

I’ll leave this open for discussion, because I am more than eager to hear people’s thoughts on this.

But all in all this was an incredible Cas episode, as well as an important one. I’m excited to see where they go from here.

[tekka-dan]

I see your posts for Boruto and I love them because I think they are so accurate. I am actively in the Naruto fan base, with Boruto though I am really starting to hate it. Your posts make it seem tolerable!

thanks so much, darling. honestly i’m not exactly in the fandom anymore myself with naruto. something i don’t tell people is that i stopped watching when tobi was introduced so you can imagine how far back that was. there were so many characters being introduced that i lost track of what the hell was going on, i remember the exact episode i said fuck it on too. i played ninja storm naruto so i felt like i had a good handle on the storyline but i didn’t actively come back until the ending. which was utter trash. i’m not an advocate of boruto whatsoever, i expose it for what it is; also trash. it’s rehashed and copy/pasted bullshit, nothing original. i make fun of it because there are people who probably don’t understand how they are supposed to feel about it, so i ad-lib the series to make it something where they can at least laugh at it.the sasusaku and naruhina fandoms are toxic. naruhina fans don’t pay attention to actual material and sasusaku makes up whatever the hell they want to. the ONLY fandoms apart of naruto that actually have main positivity is sasukarin, narusasu and narusaku. if you go into those tags you won’t feel the animosity, i swear to you those tags are in their own worlds and it feels NATURAL. it doesn’t feel forced or toxic. if you wanna feel good about anything in naruto–search those tags and bask in the positivity.

want my advice though? there are other animes that are nowhere near as toxic/underdeveloped that i’ve recently become apart of. there aren’t any ship wars, there aren’t characters we have to say “pro them and anti them” it’s all..full of love.

hunter x hunter – naruto derived from hunter x hunter and if you want a series where they handle everything right, this is one to hop on the train for. this is one damn good series where the antagonists you actually feel empathy towards. not like apologetic but hunter x hunter exposes the fact that antagonists are not evil people, with evil morals. like it makes you sorta wanna be on their side, basically it makes it hard to dislike them. which is GOOD writing. their motives aren’t “save/destroy the world” either, the author actually made their motives and interests relatable/personal. which is something a LOT of authors don’t do well. he doesn’t alienate his audience. also a side note is character development is magnificent. watch some youtube videos behind the theories of this anime, your mind will be blown out of the water. there are parallels i’ve NEVER noticed the first time watching between characters. also there isn’t a main protagonist.

my hero academia – this is basically naruto done RIGHT. you have your characters that the story starts with but doesn’t stay on. it expands, you get subtle background on characters but not so much where your attention shifts from other characters, it keeps you guessing and it keeps you engaged. battles aren’t dragged on for ten episodes or five damn years. there’s also something relatable about the series, with izuku being a true definition of underdog. also the characters actually TRAIN. that’s a massive plus, we don’t just see these power ups. i also love how the power ups also aren’t overly done or asspulls. the characters also have weaknesses!!! like they have LIMITS!! the main character LOSES battles!! the main character reflects on OTHERS!! on HIMSELF!!! it’s not all about HIM!!! this series will make you cry, will make you laugh and actually make you sit on the edge of your chair. in the fandom itself we all have one main spoken rule; everybody fucking hates mineta.

assassination classroom – talk about underrated as hell. you want a true underdog? this entire series is about achieving the impossible and gaining true utter respect. it also has antagonists (aside from that ONE guy, y'all KNOW the one) who become likable. it’s not centered around romance because it doesn’t matter. what you THOUGHT you knew, you DON’T know, meaning this series ISN’T predictable. it keeps you engaged and i have to admit i’ve rewatched it numerous times and i cry, laugh and breakdown every time. there’s something about this series that brings you to life. these kids aren’t even the definition of “troubled” either, there’s a kid in that classroom who is literally there only because his family is poor and he was caught with a job making money, which is illegal for families to rise even slightly above the poverty line because it’s essentially stealing from the government i guess.character development and plot twists GALORE!!! the only spoken rule in this anime; korosensei is everybody’s daddy. (sexual or familial, all up to you, in most cases people wouldn’t mind either)

gintama – for a series with 80% of it making no sense, it actually makes more sense than naruto did as a whole and that says a lot because gintama doesn’t have a set and stone plot line. yet the characters are relatable. there was an episode about the man who didn’t say a word to anyone because he was too scared, he was relevant for one or two episodes and we got an ENTIRE character development. it was fascinating. we also have characters that looks can be deceiving with. Sougo who has a baby face, is a sadist yet the most loyal bad ass there is. Sarutobi is also a sadist yet she has incredible development on her own aside from trying to rape gintoki basically. Katsura is a damn idiot but he’s gorgeous as hell. Kamui talks like a child with a gentle smile and he’s actually brutal as hell – basically this series is everything you could ever not expect. And what’s even BETTER about gintama is there is absolutely no hatred for anyone or anything. search this fandom in the tags and you won’t find a single thing centered around hatred. this fandom is as healthy as it gets because there’s nothing but love.

this is just a few. i promise on my life to you that the naruto fandom isn’t all there is. and believe me – no other fandom is even nearly as toxic/unlikeable.

[mystery-star]

Liveblogging Les Misérables (2012) – Part 2/2

Here’s part 1 of the liveblogging

The elephant.  

Gavroche just climbing into that carriage. The disgust on the rich’s face.

“Cut the fat ones down to size” I just love it. The double meaning

Eponine is BEAUTIFUL. I also love her dress.

Well you call that love at first sight…

“Borrowed” Colette. Didn’t he make it obvious he’ll let her live with him forever?

Ah yes Javert again. Is there only one police officer in France?

There, Javert invading personal space again.

How hard. Eponine loves him and he asks her to find him the girl he saw like 10 seconds and fell in love with.

Boy please remember, you only saw her like 10 seconds. The world isn’t gonna end if you don’t see her again…

“It’s better than an opera” is that a hidden message that Les Mis is better than operas??

The way Enjolras pronounces “boy” boii.

Enjolras seems so offended by them joking around and Marius being in love

Marius, you only saw her fucking ten seconds…

“General Lamarque is dead” Enjolras going off like the guy in that meme bc he found his sign (you could actually make a meme with that… gimme a sec):

Aaand Marius is gone the second Epoinine is back because love

Ah at least Cosette askes herself if you can fall in love that quickly.

Valjean still got the candlesticks…

Nooo poor Eponine looks so hurt and broken when Marius is so happy about Cosette.

Also Marius, remember: 10 goddamn seconds!

You’re name’s just Cosette? No surname?

Ah the love-triangle….

Yeah calling your daughter a hussy. How nice. Dad of the year.

Also, are they trying to go and rob Valjean or what?

*Police presence announced* Valjean: “It must be Javert” sure, we established already that he’s the only police officer in France.

He’s packing the candlesticks: Because that’s the most important thing to take, alright

On my own reminds me so much of my daydreams with fictional crushes. Like 1:1

Poor Marius so stressed when he doesn’t find her…

And please to the both of you, you’ve know each other a day!

Just why does Javert know the Revolution will be that day? Ah never mind, he probably heard them advertising it. Lol.

Ah so many people singing different things a time… No understand.

BARRICADE DAY

How the soldiers just wait until the students finished singing before they do something…

Lol Javert trying everything to blend in with the peoples/students.

I’d be the first to die by getting hit by a falling piece of furniture.

Ah yeah, sending Javert best idea. How easily they just trust him. Like why not send one of your friends you know you can trust?

What has Javert actually been doing in the time he “spied” told the police what he found out at the barricade?

Ah yes Javert, you can take up on all these people all alone, trying to fight them is the best thing to do.

Dear Javert, even if Gavroche hadn’t called you out, they would have noticed literal 2 mins later that they are indeed attacked before dawn and your cover wouldn’t have been blown too…

“They’re coming over the barricade” Well, did you expect them to just shoot at the furniture or what??

Eponine, if you had time to grab that weapon, why direct it at you? Why not in the sky or down or something?

“You get something, I get something. Who needs charity?” Gavroche, you’re my hero.

“Stay away from there [the barricade]” Uh-uh he surely will

How Valjean pauses after reading that Cosette loves Marius. The shock…

Cosette is the child of Valjean’s autumn days? Fantine said her real father was gone when autumn came. I love the interconnections. And of course how some melodies are the same but different people singing different lyrics.

Valjean, after your short solo about Marius taking Cosette away your “I must find this boy” Sounds wrong. As if you wanna make sure he doesn’t come and take your child…

Ah yeah stealing an officer’s clothes to sneak up on people that fight officers. Best idea.

And look the students learned and closer inspect the volunteer this time first.

Did Javert just nod at Valjean (When he looks up after the students show him to Valjean)?? Or am I overinterpreting

“Give me Javert” how Javert’s eyes go like “Fuuuuck”

Javert you don’t understand what “Get out” means? He’s fucking changed, he told you so. Apparently, you changed too from prison scum to inspector. Is THAT the way of the lord to hate someone forever and not give them a second chance? Geez.

“Once a thief always a thief” I’d be like “One more word and I’ll also be a murderer”

Thank you Valjean for telling him off (and sayings he was always wrong)

Boiii Valjean just WANTS to be arrested.

How cute that Gavroche is always some notes behind in “Drink with me”

Ah Marius please do me a favor and don’t pretend you’re life is over because you might won’t see Cosette again or that she’d be sad if you die. You could actually die, you got bigger problems.

Valjean stop singing, the people are trying to sleep. They have to fight tomorrow. Honestly, why does no one ever complain that people are always singing?

What kind of deeps sleep does Marius have? He fell asleep mere minutes ago and Valjean is right next to him singing loud and he sleeps like an angel…

Courfeyrac said the power would get wet…. Why didn’t someone put it out of the rain?

Sorry but shooting at a child and then finding it funny. Sir, as your superior I’d have arrested you.

Ah now that he’s dead you look shocked.

How organized the students are, discussing which cannon/men they take out first.

Also, why didn’t the officers bring the canons in the night?

“Ah no we’ll fight, doesn’t matter if we don’t stand a chance” but then becoming desperate. Maybe could have considered that a tad sooner?

Why didn’t you inspect the place you want to build the barricade before to make sure you have an escape route or something, huh? Or do so in the night?

The irony that the soldiers lie where they died, scattered over the floor and the revolutionaries are nicely lined up and all. Who did that?

Also, first time Javert notices that MAYBE he’s been a bit of a prick. How he gives Gavroche his medal. My heart.

Then sees the sewers/hears Valjean and is all “Valjean hunting” mode again.

How/why did Thénardier get in the sewers?

May I say they are in… deep shit?

“This man’s done no wrong” Uh sorry, he was at the barricade. He probably killed someone. Isn’t that worse than stealing bread and fleeing?

“One more step and you die” Valjean just walks away… and nothing happens. Lol

Valjean caught you in the trap? You went there yourself, Javert and Valjean only came hours later.

He’s balancing in front of a deep again.

“Nothing on earth that we share” do you want me to make a list? Starting with similar lyrics, deeds, or just biological or cultural similarities? For starters, you both live on Earth, both in France at the same time and you’re both male.

Wait is he singing like 1:1 what Valjean sang before ripping his papers? Ship-mode activated

Because suicide was the ONLY option you had boii. It’s one (1) thief you’d let go free, do something good instead and be happy, forget it. Or invent fines and let Valjean pay some francs for fleeing. Arrest him and let him go free then immediately or let him escape… arrest him and be like “He did good stuff; his sentence is reduced to one month. Tell someone else to arrest him… Want me to go on?

Ahh the “Empty chair at empty tables” melody that features in at least two other songs.

And how hard it must be for Marius, to be the only survivor. Survivor’s guilt. It’s not even his fault he lives.

I generally admire the people can sing despite they emotion. Like I can’t sing at all and it gets worse when I’m emotional.

“A night full of you” I’m sorry that sounds wrong.

Ah everyone is singing at the same time again…

Valjean looks like my grandpa when he was younger.

“No more words” or “Not another word” seems to be Valjean’s fave line.

How cute Marius looks, listening to Valjean’s story so eagerly like a curious child.

Why would his “crime” make Cosette’s heart break? Isn’t just leaving her worse?

Has he packed his candle sticks again? I’m sure he has them.

The carriage boy’s look when the Thénardiers come through it “Where tf they come from?” also great disguise and great fake name.

Besides, do they even know their daughter died? How did they feel about it?

There, it’s pronounced Boii again, twice.

And I still don’t know what exactly they wanted Marius to think that they came to the wedding; That Valjean is a bad man?

The candle sticks in the convent…

Valjean looks like he aged 20 years in the past minutes.

Wait he’s dying now and believes/dreams Cosette is near, just as Fantine did when she died? Parallels...

Okay for Marius “Bring him home” meant let him live, but now you say “Bring me home” means let me die?

So Valjean promises to try and stay alive, only a minute later he’s gone.

I still stick to my headcanon that the Bishop is God. At least for Valjean.

The altered lyrics of “Do you hear the People sing?” does it to me.

But honestly, will all the afterlife be waving a flag on the barricade?

And the hidden meaning that they did get their better tomorrow in death. Damn.

Also, I asked myself where Javert was. Then I realized he might be in hell. Like his whole “Mine is the way of the Lord” maybe wasn’t that righteous? Or because he committed suicide?