#this is Terrifying but im pretty happy with it
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2 things ive learnt learning french:
i know a LOT of english words
i use a lot of them wrong
#and 3. a couple hundred of french words i suppose#this is Terrifying but im pretty happy with it#i feel like a bABY in french#it's actually kinda nuts i spoke english for like 8 years before i started writing in it#of COURSE my french isnt gonna be as good after like 2 months#but i cant WAIT for it to be good enough that i can start writing in french#theres like. a whole new world to explore#anyway translated this fic#most of it anyway. not the last scene bc the way i use english there i cant do that in french yet#but hopefully i can add that in a few months#also thank you to all the english speakers whove gracefully seen through the fingers (dutch idiom hi) and forgiven#all my wrong uses of english words#did you know i use 'startle' wrong? i totally use startle wrong#among so many others#thanks for pretending you didnt see it thats so nice of you <3
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More MDZS and Hollow Knight! The cool bugs I found in my backyard have started to unionize.
Part 1 - Part 3
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#hollow knight#mdzs au#mdzs hollow knight au#Once again not tagging all the characters due to sheer volume#Thanks for the warm and lovely reception on the first part of this crossover!#even people who haven't heard of hollow knight were very sweet and excited.#I redrew and redesigned some of the characters that people were asking to see#and while I still think I could play around with them a little more I'm pretty happy with the results B*)#JGY getting kicked down the stairs is part of his personality at this point. Of course I had to introduce him as such#Im pretty sure its not JZX who kicks him the first time but birthday boy on birthday boy violence is too funny to pass up#Madam yu being mosskin-like but distinctly not from the same clan was pretty important to me when designing her. But I was at such a loss!#By *chance* I saw The Hunter's design and thought 'YEAH THATS THE ONE'. Let milfs be terrifying.#Little apple originally was gonna be 'the girl who's backyard this all takes place in' but ....little bug steed....#In case you are wondering whether the Lan juniors are suspicious of the fact LSZ has twice as many legs: No. He's 'just like that' to them.#Part three will be in less than a week! Time to see the other side of the crossover!#I am so happy that I can draw silly crossovers and have people cheering me on! Yippee!
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treated myself today and bought the prettiest lingerie i’ve ever owned heheh now i wanna go on a date<3
#🍒 chats#its so so pretty im so happy#i feel sooo pretty#if i wasn’t absolutely terrified at the amount of ppl that follow this blog i would post pics#it’s completely embroidered with pink flowers<3
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Pinup!!!!! the baby!!!! the guy!!!!
sorry if this looks kinda iffy the majority of this was drawn between 11pm and 2:30am so i was very tired loll
also yes that is a totoro bag i dont care if totoro doesnt exist in cyber city he has a totoro bag come at me
Pinup belongs to @turntableart
#read all the tags before you reblog otherwise you will be confused#i feel like i got the body type wrong uaughhh#i feel like the proportions are inaccurate#im blaming it on the clothes i promise the sketch looked good then the clothes went and ruined it#i feel really bad admitting this but now that i think about it i literally never draw chubby characters#all my addisons are pretty long and gangly for the most part and then spamton is just very small in my style hes not really pudgy#and tbh i didnt really draw full bodies very often before addisons and spamton but my one (1) oc was also pretty long and lanky#probably because i myself am pretty long and lanky#ueuugough hauguh#i need to practice more#also i feel like the shoes look weird#im generally not too happy with it but its ok ig#i was terrified of making the features too exaggerated and being offensive and i think i went to much the other way and just made him skinn#ffs#ill draw him again i promise#and it will look better pinky promise#🤙🤙🤙 theres no proper pinky emoji#i love him tho hes cute#i really like his original design#uururuguggg#ugh debating whether i should even post this or if i should keep tinkering with it#im gonna tinker with it a bit more i will continue writing tags when im done#ok tinkering over im much happier with it now#i made him a bit shorter and that solved all my problems#i think i have a habit of drawing characters too tall ngl lmao#also not too happy with the rendering but its good enough#uh im only posting the tinkered version that im happy with so if you want the untinkered version then just ask lol#pixel art#art#turn off the lights arg
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sometimes u accidentally give your partner a trauma flashback to the time a vampire tortured them. it happens.
#the wayhaven chronicles#twc book 3#f hauville#felix hauville#fanart#ocs#quinn langford#this moment was so sweet.#poor quinn.......i hc that theyre terrified of needles now too also so the blood drive generally was like. rough.#choice of games#im not usually a sequential art dude but i do enjoy drawing comics! and im pretty happy w my paneling here#some pacing issues but overall. :)
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question!
i've been wanting to stray away from lu for a while now and do my own thing with wars n ledge and the rest of the links (mainly bc i feel restricted by jojo's rules/don't agree w her takes, and wanna pursuit my own stuff), but there's one big thing holding me back, and that's lack of views to put it bluntly
if i make my own au and don't tag its content as #lu, then it will most definitely get a fraction of the attention my lu content does. and i know it sounds self-centered of me to worry abt something like that, but i put months of work into the fics i post. i put days of work into each art piece i post. if i work on something for months and then 10 people on ao3 read it and an astounding 0 of them even leave a comment, that will be Devastating to my motivation And confidence
what im asking y'all is this: should i finally make my own au to separate myself from lu and risk the plunge in notes, or should i stay in the lu fandom and suffer?
#qktalks#i feel like my links are far enough apart from lu's canon to justify this#ESPECIALLY my wars#my wars is Nothing like lu wars; he's silly and goofy and not at all serious#not even accounting for the fact that he Looks completely different design-wise i think he's pretty far from canon lu now#my sky design is Nothing like lu sky's and i have my own characterizations of him despite not posting abt it much#to put it bluntly once again i wanna post stuff of them all cuddling and being a family without dipshit lu fans coming in and correcting me#so far it's only happened like Once but the fear and anxiety of being ridiculed is still very much apparent#im afraid to post stuff. i don't wanna be afraid to post stuff#i wanna have my own au where i have my Own rules#and i wanna be in a fandom that doesn't fuckin suck VGIEAYGV#but im terrified of switching over and out of the fandom bc then my stuff won't be viewed at all#and without reblogs of my art and comments on my fics i have a feeling i will simply stop producing anything altogether#i know the whole ''u should make art for yourself'' thing but . it's no fun if nobody else is gonna see it yaknow ?#i wanna show other people what makes me happy and maybe make them happy in the process#that's hard to do when u don't tag ur posts w a popular fandom tag that everybody searches through#idk . willing to hear anybody's takes on this
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ah. help.
(tw sa mention in the tags)
#so#pretty sure my friend lost her virginity last night#(not sure she hasn’t said anything yet)#but if she did#i know for a fact she’s gonna be hella annoying about it this week#bc she’s annoying about everything#but this is different#bc she’s gonna be bragging about how she had sex and how the rest of us are virgins#(two of us aren’t be she doesn’t give a shit she just wants to be better than us)#and i am going to be super uncomfortable if she talks about this nonstop (bc she will)#bc of. experiences. i’ve had.#that she knows abt. and that she has insulted and joked abt before.#and im terrified she’s gonna do it again in front of all of our friends#and i can’t take that i can’t fucking take that#she’s an idiot and she doesn’t think about what she says before she says it but that doesn’t matter bc there are some things you need a#filter for and she doesn’t seem to realize that#anyways i’m terrified of going to school tmr bc i don’t wanna deal with that#like yay i’m happy for u that u had sex with a guy you’ve been dating for two months! now please shut the fuck up!#anyways why am i venting on here?#bc i don’t wanna tell my friends bc they’ll think i’m a hypocrite#i’m the one friend who makes sex jokes and is the ‘horny one’#bc i’m hypersexual bc of my. ‘experiences’.#and they’ll think i’m a hypocrite if i tell her to stop talking about sex when that’s what i talk about a lot#so i’m just gonna suffer and pray she doesn’t say something to upset me#k.txt#vent tw#sa tw
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im working on my builds to try and fucking get past phantylia and i uh. i peeped yanqing's stats and uh.
his current crit rate is 91.6% and he's doing 162.4% crit damage.
#HES SCARY !#also im not asking for comments on my build im actually pretty happy w him#my son is just Terrifying and also carrying my team and the fact that i cant use him during the fight w phantylia upsets me#╰ 🚂 ⋆ ˚ ｡ 𝐨𝐨𝐜 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭. : ———— mothers & fuckers of the jury .
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rambling in the tags again <3
#I've had ideas but so little energy 😭#UNI release me from your shackles...#im considering changing an element of Yue again#his hair bothers me so much for some reason??#I'm thinking of making it like a white color#i have so much in the works rn#sona ref.fem Whitney stuff.drawing my twins with deoccchi's pc#drawing my sona and Knox cause i saw the perfect manga cap for it the other day#saw a photo that had great kylar and Liliya energy#and i still wanna draw happy and kuuya#so much i wanna do. so little time and energy 😞#side note I keep forgetting that I like…have mutuals#when y’all pop up in my notify it surprises me like almost every time#anyways you all seem cool <3 sorry I. don’t talk to anyone there’s something wrong with me#side side note I’m obsessed with ponchig’s art rn it’s like all I think about#its just so fucking pretty 😩🩷#love love love their linework and their coloring style it’s all just so 😩 UGGGH it’s so good <3#beyond all that thr other day i realized the psychotic look in my eyes is apparently alluring to people#I've had several good friends be like “oh yeah i was like terrified to talk to you cause you look like violent but i did it anyway”#like girl do you have something you need to tell me?? 🤨#q#cosy chats
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being chubby means there are wars going on in my mind every single day with millions of soldiers dying
#the fact it makes me feel like i am immediately eliminated as someone to be romantically or sexually interested in for most of the world#and like. if its true that someone wouldnt like me for my weight then i wouldnt want them either but like. oh god. oh my fucking god#i do want to lose some weight just bc i have a lot of clothes i got recently that i like that i want to fit into again#and its not even much that i would need to lose. but even the thought of moving towards being skinny is terrifying i would never want to do#that. like the thought that someone could like me as a skinny person and think i was ugly if they had met me a year earlier and i wouldnt#even know is HORRIFYING.#its like. ive moved past the outward fatphobia of our world a lot. i dont really care about how my body looks im pretty neutral about it for#the most part and im happy that ive gotten to thaf point#but the fact that the way i look is a MAJOR part of how other people interact with me is so scary. and makes me so sad#just like jo march. it doesnt really matter how much work youve done on becoming someone strong and smart and secure and having people you#love platonically. at a certain point having no romantic love makes you feel lonely#and a little worthless. like oh someone has to know me really well before ever being interested in me as more than a friend nice to know i#inspire no feelings of attraction in the people i am interested in because of the body i inhabit. awesome 👍🏻#ugh. its whatever. its just a lot of contradictory shit i think about a lot and hate thinking about so much
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one thing about me is that im like. really proud of myself
#i remember being a terrified freshman. i used to have panic attacks in the hallway and lose weeks literal weeks of my life#i thought everyone was out to get me i was too scared to speak most of the time i was angry and aggressive (more so than i am now)#(i was also unimaginably cringe but thats mostly beside the point)#i was failing most of my classes i was barely surviving. jesus christ look at me now#im alive. im still struggling but im doing way better#i have real friends. several of them!!!#i get my homework done i pay attention my teachers like me i can advocate for myself#im comfortable. im pretty happy. im going to get into college#i know what im doing. people respect me most of the time. its still hard and im still scared#but fuckin hell. look at me go#plush.txt
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...
#oof. it as been a very very long day. so much talking. all day talking and interviews#and so far my feelings are mixed. bc it is a smaller university and its underfunded and cost of living is kinda high#and the town is small and isolated. HOWEVER#the faculty feels like a strong community and theyre all amazing scientists who choose to b there bc the quality of life is so high#they seem extremely supportive and the fact its small means that i could probably get around better given my intense anxiety around driving#and i could literally just walk to hiking paths rather than having to drive way out. and its fucking so beautiful. the clouds r gorgeous#bc theyre all conpressed by the mountains around this lil valley. also the potential advisor seems amazing. the grad students have good#things to say and hes excited that im interested in the things im interested in. and i talked to an astrobiology guy and he was like u#should apply for X grant and i would b happy to help u and the advisor is a former nasa post doc so he has nasa astrobiology connections.#so those r some pretty great things. i mean. of the schools im looking at this one would prob be the best for my brain tbh#i mean the uk one is too rigid in structure and i cant fuck around so much as at a us school. and the east coast on is hard to say no to bc#its a good school with lots of funding and opportunities to b creative but i would have to hard core get my shit together and hes quite#hands off. and id b living in the city which sucks. so like. i mean this school is kinda looking like the best choice for me. definitely#the healthiest. i mean assuming i dont fuck it up and get the offer after this weekend. but yeah. i mean im not fully in love i think#and the idea of commiting to 5years here is terrifying but id get a lot of support that i dont think ive really ever had. not that my#current boss isnt great but our lab is kinda disconnected. and i really fit in perspective wise in my interests. and id get to work at#[redacted] national park. which is so cool that i might have to unredact it if i end up here bc its so fucking next level#not that the national park i have access to now isnt awesome but. like its next level awesome and i could maybe wiggle may way into maybe#some arctic systems and i bet i could get my current boss to send me desert samples. so yeah i could def see a life here#but fuck i dont want roomates with all my heart. y does it have to b so expensive for a trash apartment? bleh#god. im so tried. so much talking. but a good day. and im going skiing tomorrow bc like thats a thing here lol#unrelated
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I'm back home from my trip!!! If you ever get the chance to travel to the literal opposite side of the country to meet you're online friends I very strongly recommend!!!!
I arrived and immediately subjected my friend to an over 10 minute long hug, very proud of myself for that one. (Before we'd made plans to meet I'd made a threat that when we meet in person I'd hug them for 10 minutes straight. Mission accomplished!)
#we drove and it took several days and thats something im fine with but...#i will not be making out of state trips with this driver ever again omg it was very not great#other friend arrived and i went to give them a 10 minute hug to but they were to tall and my shoulder popped out of socked so got cut short#in the future my sibling and i plan on going there again for conventions so we will definitely get to see our friends irl again!!!#if driving doesnt work im pretty sure theres a roundabout way to take the train. which might also be cheaper considering gas#due to both of us having pots and me bringing my wheelchair we cant just take a plane which would make life so much easier aha#and not to like half dox myself. have i ever said around where i live? driving through the backroads of Oklahoma is terrifying! i hated that#anyways i will stop my rambling now hahahah#but no actually for real meeting my friends in person was so amazing im still so so happy and ecstatic about it :D#crab says words
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youtube
#tunes#going thru deluxe loaded more and this is the exact song i needed rn#still not sure if i should move#i used to genuinely dream of living in the exact spot i live in now#and now im terrified of leaving the house. not because of my surroundings but because of like#personal life events. friends ive made. people who in reality would probably be happy to see me#or just... neutral. im used to being Spotted like a rare animal or something. im used to an unrealistic amount of negative attention#as if i'll leave the house and everyone ive ever met here will be outside waiting to hit me with baseball bats#or record my exact location and appearance in some kind of field journal then follow me#or ask me for a million life altering favors. or get angry that i disappeared without a trace for years#but theyve got entire lives. they probably forgot i exist#and if they didnt forget and they do dislike me who gives a shit right?#the one person im solid on avoiding im pretty sure is in rehab on the west coast. and even if i see them again i can just walk away#im.... just very very very tired of being afraid and isolated#on the other hand.... i really really really really want to start over completely and go fuck off to the big beautiful lake#forget everything and make a new life carefree no strings#who knows. small town style environments are why im this neurotic anyway#but theres also a really specific small town environment involved with local music scenes and queer scenes#its pretty hard to disappear in the crowd when everyone knows everyone else#wherever you are#i just need to reach out to confirmed safe people more#start there
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I just feel so unequal sometimes
#idk im trying not to fall into thinking im a monster syndrome not to be like only im evil etcetc#and im absolutely not comparing care styles either#i just keep having the insecurity that my issues especially as a little outweighs the pros of me being a happy little or even a good cg#like#idk i just keep thinking about my bfs and going “they didnt sign up to parent a very autistic moody little girl and they shouldnt have to;#;because theyre the providers for the house in the first place and im not *helpless*#like idk it just all feels like im taking advantage of 1. the fact that i even still get to live here and 2. that they even are financially#the ones caring for me and the majority of my life“#idk i just dont. want to be more of a burden than i know i already am#i know our relationships arent transactional. thats not how i treat it but i also dont know good manners and just try to be transactional to#make up for the fact that i feel so clueless in a lot of things. plus my relationship w the parentals feels solely transactional esp w#how much im pretty sure the stepmom hates me. i know im already annoying and i talk too much and a nuisance so#idk i just cant wait to move out but im also terrified of not having any sort of safety net#like yes im not a burden in the im not treated that way way but like. im objectively still someone to care for and someone to feed and#a depression case still trying to be correctly medicated because i really dont know how to get this to work for me anymore#maybe i just need a new therapist??? idk#i feel like im falling apart
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forgot to mention but my friend thomas said hes on tumblr now. if you see this then hi thomas!!! hi!!! this is the blog to avoid!!! + here are all my other blogs (to avoid):
@wswe-autism-fic @jupitercl0uds-art
and if you really wanna avoid me theres also @knuckles-with-a-keyboard and @blues-amazing-blog but those are pretty normal actually. maybe avoid knuckles-with-a-keyboard
#spouting to the void#/lh#i said 'idk if id be happy or terrified if you follow me'#he said 'im scared of your blog i came here for pretty art not sonic the hedgehog waluigi tails m&mpreg'#wait i dont think you guys know m&mpreg#poke me with a stick if you like but im not explaining without prompt
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