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gr0vndz3ro · 4 years

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Fucking Fame

Idol!Bakugou x Idol!Reader(NSFW)

Warnings:NSFW,18+, cursing, thigh riding, slight degradation??, unprotected sex

Word Count:3,656

Crossed off: Popstar AU

Tag list: @gallickingun @prismaroyal @shoutodoki @sadistiks @keigod @honeytama @shoutogepi @hawks-senseis

A/N: Happy forth of July to my fellow people in the USA enjoy some smut. This is my first piece for the @bnhabookclub bingo event, but I hope that you guys really enjoy it :3

“We’ve been driving for hours, PLEASE tell me that we’re close to the venue. I think I’m going to die.” You say as you throw yourself against the couch in your tour bus. You were currently heading to where your next concert was supposed to be located. It wasn’t far enough in distance to warrant taking the plane so here you were, trap inside this boring bus.

“You should be relaxing for the show tonight. And your supposed to be on vocal rest until we get there, so stop focusing on when we are going to arrive and just do what you’re told.” Your manager doesn’t even bother looking up from her laptop while you throw your fit. You roll your head over to where she sat and sigh dramatically hoping to get her attention so the two off you could do something more entertaining, but when she continues typing you give up. Moving your feet off of the side of the couch, you get up heading back toward the little hang out room.

You shut the door behind you and take a seat on one of the comfy chairs and pull out your phone checking out tonight’s show and venue. After typing in your password you can see that the show tonight was one of your combined shows with a well known band that your agency wanted to have a show with to help boost your ratings. You had tried refusing doing a combined show but in the end your manager and team won. You knew that it would be good publicity but there was apart of you that wanted to be able to achieve your fame without having to piggy back off of others. Seeing as this was your first tour though, you didn’t have much say in things. What bothered you the most though, was that you had never even met this band before. At the least with other shows, you had a day or two to get to know whoever you were preforming with but this time it was almost as if you were thrown to the vultures.

So you took it upon yourself to look them up. The band had consisted of 5 members. There was their lead singer, Izuku Midoryia, who seemed to be the face of the band, appearing in the most amount of interviews and seeming to have the biggest general following. The lead guitarist and back up singer, Shouto Todoroki, seemed to be more of the band’s mystery man and the ladies favorite. The second guitarist, Eijirou Kirishima, looked to be the life of the group, appearing at as many meet and greets and almost always staying after shows to talk to fans. There was the base guitarist, Denki Kaminari, who seemed to get in the most amount of newspapers and magazines. Never for any super bad reasons but it seemed to be for really stupid things like accidently breaking a hotel microwave by microwaving glass. And then there was the drummer.

Katsuki Bakugou.

According to article after article, he was the group bad boy. He had no filter and was often never brought to interviews due to past appearances. He didn’t put up with the fakeness of celebrity life and called every person who was apart of it out on it. The band’s PR team constantly had to log him out of his twitter due to vulgar debates. You were also able to find multiple scandals' involving him and other female celebrities and fans to which he never responded to with more than a wicked smile. But other than his hot headed ego and promiscuous relations, there wasn’t much else you could find. You searched for a half hour to try to see if you could find anything else about who he was but nothing came up. Eventually you gave up on your efforts to try to uncover any actually useful information on the man, instead decided to waste your time by taking a nap until you arrived at the venue.

It felt like only seconds had passed before you were being nudged awake by your lovely manager. She explained to you that you had arrived at the arena and gave you direction to where your dressing room was going to be. The band had already preformed the sound check so you were free to take your time while getting ready seeing as they wouldn’t need you for a bit before it was time for your own mic check. You made your way through the poorly lit halls to where your manager had told you your dressing room was. When you finally come across the door you believe to lead to your room you push it open and quickly enter. Your make your way over to were the vanity was and take a seat. While reaching over to grab your products for the night, your attention is caught by the sound of the door opening. There in the doorframe was the same man you were unable to find any information on. Although you were confused as to what he was doing in your dressing room.

“Um can I help you?” Your eyes trail after him as he beelines toward the couch before plopping down. You raise your eyebrow at him, questioning how comfortable he was making himself. “Make yourself comfy I guess” He continued to ignore you while moving his arms behind his head as he closes his eyes. “Are you just going to sit there and ignore me? What are you even doing in my room?” You were now standing next to where you were just seated, hands against your hips as you question him. He shuffled on the couch looking over at where you were.

“Your room? I don't think you got the memo princess.” He sat up from his spot on the couch, still taking an obnoxiously large amount of room he spoke again. “This is our room. The other dressing room was too small for all 5 of us so the two of us are sharing. Besides...” He looked you up and down, suddenly feeling very small under his glare, “wannabe brats like you don’t get a private room. Sorry about your luck your highness” You’re stare hardens at his words, angry now flowing through you.

“Well you don’t have a private room either so what does that say about you?” Crossing your arms you wait for him to come up with some clever response. You make your way over to wear he was, prepared to shove him out of your room so that you could have some peace and quiet before tonight.

“Why you little-” You cut him off before he can finish his sentence.

“You know what I think. I think that your other bandmates probably got sick and tired of your ‘I’m the best person here and everyone else can fuck off’ attitude and forced you to go to some other room. How pathetic do you have to be for your own friends to find you obnoxious?” Your words leaving your mouth like venom, not even caring how mean you sounded. When he shot up from the couch and stormed right infront of you, you still stood your ground. You weren’t going to back down. He kept coming closer and closer to you until he was barely a step away, his face merely a few inches from yours. A breath hitches in the back of your throat, as you feel your body betray you. Just his presence alone was soaked in intimidation. You go to speak up again to tell him to back off but you feel the words get trapped and fail to get out. A smirk covering his face as he notices as well.

“Oh? Not so big and tough now are you? You should learn to hold your fucking tongue, especially when you’re talking to someone who could end your whole career.” He holds you in place with his killer stare, Vermillion eyes staring into your own. You swallow whatever lump had formed and spoke up.

“Oh yeah? You and what following? I’ve heard about you ya know. Everyone knows that you call out everyone for living such fake lives. For taking advantage of their fame and sleeping with whoever they want just because they’re famous and they know they’ll do what ever they say. Yet you’re exactly the same. You pick up chick after chick as they all practically fling themselves onto you. You’re just a fucking hypocrite and I know you’re not going to do shit because you’re all talk.” Confidence pouring from your mouth as you take a step away from him, trying to create distance between the two of you. But he quickly takes another step forward closing your attempt.

“You almost sounded jealous there, what do you wish you could be one of them?” His smirk so wide you could see his gums poking out. You scoff at his remark.

“As if I would ever be with someone like you.” A look of disgust taking over you face at even the thought of sleeping with him. But like a disease, the thought continued to spread in your thoughts and slowly your face began to heat up. Suddenly the little space between you felt hot and you were wanting nothing more than to leave the room and distance yourself from him, but he had different plans.

“Is that so?” He continues stepping toward you and you back away from him. This continues until you feel you back hit the wall next to where you were once getting ready. A gasp leave your lips at the sudden contact but are quickly brought back by a hand on your jaw, turning you toward his face.

“Yes t-that’s so” You curse yourself at the stutter that manages to escape, the tension in between you finally getting to you, against your own wishes. A deep chuckle makes a shiver shoot down your spin.

“You don’t seem to confident in that answer. Come on where did all of that sass go? Don’t tell me the brat has lost her fight.” His free hand makes its way to the wall behind you, effectively caging you in-between it and his broad chest.

“I didn’t lose anything and I’m not a brat.” You clench your teeth, sure he could feel it through his hold. His grip tightens slightly against you as he brings you closer to his face. So close that you could now feel his warm breath fan across you as he spoke.

“Then prove it princess. Show me that you’re not just some goodie two shoes who’s gonna cry if she doesn’t get her way.” His face hovering just barely in front of yours. You look into his eyes and think about what he said. You could very easily just brush past him and walk out but it was something about the way he was staring you down that almost didn’t make you want to go. So, against you better judgement, you did the exact opposite. You raise your arm up, bringing it to his forearm. Moving your fingertips up the muscles of his thick arms, you watch goosebumps litter his skin. Once you get to his bicep you switch to having your full arm feel him as you continue to travel all the way to his neck, where you run your hand around the back of his neck, finger tips spreading throughout his hair. Bringing your eyes back to meet his, you take a handful of the soft locks and lightly tug it, earning a throaty groan from him. Using the leverage of control over his head, you bring him down so you are at level with his ear.

“Why don't you make me?” You say as you lean forward, giving his ear a small nibble before returning back to your spot against the wall. His face grows red at your sudden forwardness, and you chuckled before letting a smirk cross your lip. But when you watch as his eyes darken as he drinks you in, you find yourself subconsciously biting your bottom lip. His eyes flicker down to see you release your lip before bring his own to come crashing down.

Both of your lips meet in a fight for dominance, not wanting to just let him win and loose your ground. Your hands still tangled in his hair as you find yourself tugging on the stands as you fight for air. The sensation only further driving Bakugou to want more. His hand moves away from the wall and to you hip as the other travels to the back of your neck, pulling you further into him if it was even possible. Your lips move in perfect harmony as he pushes himself into you, his thigh separating your legs as he kept you pinned against the wall. You gasp as you feel his hand grab your ass, but he takes advantage of it and dives his tongue into your mouth. They meet in a battle of dominance, exploring every dip of each others mouth. Eventually he takes charge and you feel yourself moan into the kiss. Oblivious from the heated kiss, you had hardly noticed Bakugou’s hand slid down to the edge of your skirt until you felt him take a handful of your ass and squeeze.

You pull away from the kiss looking him in the eyes, lust glazed over them. You squeezed your thighs together but instead of getting any relief from the presser, it caused you rind down onto the thick thigh that was holding them apart. The friction making a surge of pleasure rip through you and the need to feel again grew. So you roll you hips forward, moaning from the rough jeans against your almost naked core, protected only by thin lace. It was almost as if something had came over you as you continued rolling your hips against his muscular thigh getting yourself closer to your own release. That was until two firm hands landed on either side of you hips, haltering your movement.

“Are you so desperate that you’re trying to get off by riding my thigh? If you want more all you have to do is ask princess.” Leaning down so that his head was right next to your ear, making sure you heard his next sentence. “Go ahead, I want to hear you beg for it.” The feeling of his lips on your neck make your hips involuntarily move as he searches for the sweet spot, but as soon as he finds it you’re a puddle of whimpers in his fingertips.

“Pl-please Bakugou- ughh- I need more” Barely able to get the words out any louder than a whine. Desperately trying to receive any form of please the man infront of you was willing to give to you. You shutter as you feel him chuckle against your skin.

“Is that all you got? You’re going to have to do better than that if you want this dick at all.” He returns to kissing against your neck, just light enough not to give you the pleasure you so desired.

“Fuck! Bakugou please! I need you to fill me up and fuck me until I can’t walk. Please I need your fat cock to just split me open.” If you could hear the words you were saying right now you would probably die of embarrassment but the amount of lust taking over your body made you not even think twice at the lewd confession. You feel his grasp on your hips tighten, his finger tips digging into your soft sides, surely leaving marks, as a groan leaves his lips at your begging. Quickly, he moves his hands from your side to underneath your hips, picking you up before placing you down on the sofa he once was on, pinning you between the soft cushion and his hard chest. You two met again in a passionate kiss, much messier than the first, spit was everywhere but you couldn’t care less you just wanted all of him. As he reached down to pull the drenched lace down your thighs you could feel his hard on press against your thigh and you couldn’t help but feel even more turned on by the fact he was liking this as much as you were. Pulling away from the kiss you feel him pant against your lips.

“Call me Katsuki baby, I want to hear you scream my name as I destroy this pretty little pussy of yours.” He almost couldn’t tear his gaze away from your soaked core, wanting nothing more than to devour you then and there. “Next time I’m going to have to eat you out but for now I want to feel you around me instead.” You feel yourself clench around nothing at the thought of there being a next time.

But suddenly your attention is grabbed when you feel his head press against your entrance, your head shoots down to see his massive cock rubbing against you, gathering all your slick with each stroke. Teasingly, he stops right as his tip is aligned with your hole, causing you to squirm as you craved to feel him deep inside you.

“Please Katsuki I can’t take it any more, I need you!” You bite down on your lip as you feel him start to push into you, feeling yourself stretch around his head as it dips further into you. Clenching around him at the pleasure of him filling you up.

“F-fuck Y/N you gotta stop squeezing me like that.” He struggled with trying to slowly push into you at how tight you were, so he did the next best thing. Thrusting his hips forward, he forces himself passed though the squeezing grip into you until you are filled to the brim with his cock. His head dipping back in ecstasy at how your walls hug around him. “Shit you’re so fucking tight.”

“P-please move.” Tears collect in your eyes at how full you were. Sure you may have been with other guys before but no one ever made you feel this full. Slowly he pulls out of you before rutting his hips forward to fill you back up. The way he was positioned, causing him to hit your g-spot. A moan leaving your lips as he starts moving his hip again, starting to pick up the pace before eventually he is slamming into you at an unforgiving speed.

The feeling of his vein dragging against your walls as he slams into your spongey wall causing you to cry out at the amount of intense pleasure you were feeling. Your hands make there way to his back, digging your nails into the muscle as you try to somehow control how you were feeling.

“Is my little princess already going to cum?” A yes barely makes it out of you as a mutter of profanities follow soon after. His hand reaches down to press into your clit causing a wave of heat to flood through you. While rubbing little circles into you, he leans down, kissing and sucking on your neck before speaking again. “Come on then baby girl, let me hear you. I want everyone in the whole building to know who’s making you feel this good.”

“God you Katsuki!! You do! Holy fuck you’re gonna make me cum” Your back arches as his pace becomes sloppy but he keeps increasing in power. You can feel the couch shaking at the intensity at which he’s slamming into you.

“Cum for me princess, cum all over me.” If the pleasure from him hitting both of your sweet spots wasn’t enough, the addition of his lewd words burning into your ear was enough to make you see stars. As he continued his assault on your body your vision went white as you chased your release, clenching tightly around him as your hands dragged down his back, marking it as your own as you felt yourself cum around the thick cock that pulsed inside of you. Watching your face be taken over in pure bliss and the feeling of you milking his dick had Bakugou painting the inside of your walls white within a few thrusts.

His pace started to slow down helping the both of you ride out your high. The room was filled with the sound of both of your uneven breathing as you both attempted to catch your breath. After a few minutes he pulled himself out of you and you immediately felt empty. He watched as his seed tried spilling out of you as you clenched at the sudden emptiness, and quickly brought his finger down to scoop it back up and push it back into you. He looked into your eyes as a smirk takes over his face.

“Maybe you aren’t as much of a goodie two shoes as I thought.” He grabs your hand and helps you to stand up and you feel your knees buckle under the weight. An arm is wrapped around you waist, stopping you from falling to the floor. As he held you, you felt his cum run down your thighs. You were about to ask him a question when a knock came from the door.

“Y/N you’re need for a mic check, make sure you hurry up because they’re waiting for you.” You heard the voice of your manager from out side of the room and a look of panic crosses your face but Bakugou just chuckles.

“You heard her princess, your audience awaits. We’ll just have to pick up where we left off after the show.” An evil smile on his face as he lets go of you and nudges you toward the door. As you step out of the room and make your way toward the where the stage was, you realized one thing.

That fucker didn’t give you back your underwear.

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wonderful-writer · 4 years

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09 - Negotiations

Summary: Unity day has arrived, and Y/n gets a little too drunk, revealing a truth she didn’t know she had. Once morning arrives, she meets with Anya at the bridge in hopes to not repeat history, but things go south quicky when Jasper fires the first shot.

Word Count: 3.20k

Based Off: 01x09 “Unity Day”

A/N: The next few chapters, along with this one, are my favourites just because it gets more into Y/n and Bellamy’s relationship

You and the others gathered around the screen that Raven had set up for camp to watch Jaha recite his Unity Day speech. You weren’t exactly listening, but you were brought back to Earth when Jasper came out of his and Monty’s tent with a large container.

“Whoo! Yeah! Monty strikes again!” He removed the goggles from his eyes, running out into the middle of camp. “Call this batch Unity Juice!”

You laughed at your brother’s antics but went over to him to have a drink with everyone else. He started to fill everyone’s cups and as you waited, you noticed Octavia slipping out of camp.

You decided you would ask about it later, but for now you wanted to have some fun. You realised that you were on the edge of the group and may not be able to get any drinks at the moment, so you went back to Jaha’s speech.

“The first Exodus ship launches in 60 hours, carrying the reinforcements that you need, so stay strong.” He informed you. You noticed your father's face on the far right side of the screen, but didn’t make a sound about it. He was likely going to be on the first ship with Clarke’s mother and almost all of the other important people, so you would have to face him at some point.

You began watching the pageant, which always had been the best part about Unity Day for you, until the radio signal cut out. “What was that?”

“Probably just interference, I’ll see if I can get it back up and running.” Raven responded, moving to the radio. You nodded and shook off your nerves. Worse things have happened.

The Unity Day party had progressed very far into the night as teenagers drank and drank. You only had two drinks so far, but excused yourself from conversation with Monroe to approach Bellamy, who was watching the party instead of joining in the fun. You saw Clarke approach him too, but continued with your walk.

“Hey, the comms are still dead.” She told the two of you.

“Best Unity Day ever.” Bellamy commented.

“I’m pretty sure there’s one that beats this,” You defended.

“Oh really? Tell me, princess, which one beats this?” Bellamy asked, motioning out to the raging party in front of you.

��Unity Day. 12 years ago. I was the storyteller, 9 years old. Got up there and puked my guts out three minutes into the pageant.”

“Okay, that definitely beats this. I have to see the tapes when they come down.” Bellamy laughed.

“Wait, that was you?” Clarke asked, and you nodded. “Oh my God, I remember that! Four other kids threw up because they couldn’t stand the sight of it, me included.”

Bellamy just laughed harder, and you shook your head. “Do you really knink now is a good time to be having a party, though?” Clarke turned serious. “I mean, the grounder is out there.”

“Grounders.” Bellamy emphasized. “By now, he’s made it home. He’s probably putting together a lynch mob.”

When he saw Clarkes stress, he spoke again. “Relax. I got security covered. Why don’t you go get a drink?”

“Why don’t you?” You asked him. “Clarke isn’t the only one who could use a drink, Bellamy.”

“I could use more than one,” Clarke commented.

“Then have more than one.” When she shook her head, Bellamy told her, “Clarke, the Exodus ship carrying your mother is coming down in two days. After that, the party’s over. Have some fun while you still can. You deserve it.”

Clarke agreed and walked away to get herself a drink.

“What about you?” You asked.

“What about me?”

“You can’t tell Clarke to relax and have a drink if you’re not going to. That makes you a hypocrite, you know.” You smirked. Bellamy rolled his eyes playfully and you laughed.

“Well if you’re not going to drink, then I guess I’ll just drink for the both of us then.” You smirked at Bellamy and walked away while still facing him before turning around to grab your second drink and continue talking to Monroe.

You had about four drinks so far, and because you’d never had any type of alcohol before, you were still a bit of a lightweight. Of course, you were sober enough to know what was going on, but you were less tight-lipped and more… loose with what you were saying and doing.

You had been roped into a game of truth or dare with Monroe, Harper, Jasper, and Monty a little while ago, and playing drunk - even if you were only tipsy - was better than playing sober.

You sat around the fire and Monroe had asked you if you wanted truth or dare. Everyone was less incapacitated than you were, because you held your word with Bellamy; you were going to drink for two people. “Truth,” You slurred.

Monroe laughed and asked you, “If you had to, would you have sex with Bellamy?”

You thought over her words for a minute, before looking up from the fire and answering casually.

“Hell yeah I’d jump his bones,” Your answer had everyone practically in stitches, but as you thought over your answer you added, “If I absolutely had to.”

And almost immediately after that, a very sober Bellamy looped your arm over the back of his neck and hoisted you up, putting an arm around your waist in an attempt to steady you. “I’m gonna take her back to her tent before she says or does anything else incredibly stupid.” He told the group, carrying you off to your tent.

Once you were inside and had your jacket off, Bellamy laid you down and covered you up with the makeshift blanket you had, thinking back to what you had just said while you giggled about nothing.

“Would you actually have sex with me?” He asked bashfully.

You stopped your giggling and motioned for Bellamy to come closer.

“Hell yeah, I would. You’re hot.” You said, giggling again and reaching up to boop his nose. Bellamy blushed, although he couldn’t place why. You passed out soon after you told him, and he left the confines of your tent to get some air.

It didn’t take long for you to wake up again, more sober than before. Your face was screwed up, indicating that you were confused. Your brain was lagging and your movements and reflexes were slower than normal, which was understandable. You remembered everything up until sitting around the fire with Monroe, Harper, Jasper, and Monty. Then it got hazy.

“How long have I been out?” You asked Clarke as you made your way towards her.

“Surprisingly, not that long. Bellamy carried you into your tent about an hour ago.” She said. “Speaking of, when he left the tent he looked about as red as the apple he was eating earlier; care to explain?”

“I would love to, but I can’t remember much after I was at the fire.” You groaned. There was a dull throbbing at the back of your head, one that you could deal with, but was ultimately annoying as hell.

You stayed with Clarke to keep yourself out of trouble, as she only sipped very slowly on her drink in case anything were to happen. She was playing some drinking game while you stood by and watched her with amusement. It was when Finn came by and interrupted her that you stepped up.

“What is it?” She asked.

“Let’s take a walk. The three of us.” He motioned to you as well, and you left the party.

“Did something happen?” Clarke asked.

“I need you both to come with me, but I can’t tell you why, okay?” He asked.

“Finn, tell us why.” Clarke demanded.

He looked back at the party and dragged you further away from it, speaking in a low tone. “I set up a meeting with the grounders.”

“A meeting? I don’t understand. With who? And how?” Clarke asked.

“I was just with the grounder that we had in the dropship. His name is Lincoln.” Finn told you both.

“Wait a second,” You interjected. “He spoke to you?”

“It’s not important.” He told you. “If we want to live in peace-”

“Finn, we can’t live in peace with people who have done nothing but kill us.” Clarke said.

“Can you think of a better way to stop the bloodshed?” He asked her.

“Yeah. With the guns that the guard brings down.” Clarke responded.

“You really want a war?” Finn asked angrily. “Because at this rate, that’s what's coming.”

“Actually, I’m on Finn’s side, here.” You told her. “I mean, if we threaten them with guns and violence they’ll only retaliate worse. If I’ve learned anything from reading history book after history book in solitary, it was the same way thousands of years ago.”

“The British came to what was called Canada in the 1800’s and there were Native Americans already living there, so the British forced them to conform to their ways and slaughtered them and oppressed them for years. They buried the Native Americans culture for decades and they were forced to deal with it. I don’t want to be a part of repeating history and causing unnecessary violence, Clarke.” You taught her.

“Look,” Finn resumed. “I know it’s a long shot, but this is our world now, and I think we can do better than the first time around.”

Clarke looked doubtful, so Finn told her that he trusted Lincoln.

“I don’t.” Clarke rebutted. “But if we go, we have to bring backup.”

“No way,” Finn disagreed. “We’re not bringing guns. Those weren’t the terms, and if we’re gonna do this, we’ve got to give it a fair shot.” Clarke sighed, but agreed. You went to get your pack and jacket while Clarke went to get hers, instructing you to meet at the gate. You took off the daggers on your thighs and removed the sword from your hip before meeting the pair at the gate and heading off.

“I would love it if you were right about this, but did you ever consider it might be a trap?” Clarke asked.

“Yeah, but since it’s Unity Day, I decided to have hope instead.” Finn responded cheekily.

“I hope your hope doesn’t get me killed, Finn. I tried it once, it didn't work well with me.” You shook your head at the memory of literally almost dying at the hands of a grounder.

“Seriously, Finn. You’re putting a lot of faith in a guy who stuck a knife in Y/n.” Clarke nodded to you.

“Eh, it’s fine. Really; I’d rather die trying to get peace than kill others without.” You shrugged.

“And you’re sounding more and more like Bellamy.” Finn commented.

“I’m just trying to keep us alive.” Clarke affirmed.

The sun had risen by the time you got to the meeting place, which was an old bridge where Octavia waited. As she noticed you, you went up and hugged her.

“Did you set this up?” You asked her. She nodded and you let go of each other, Clarke barely giving each other time to fully let go before interrogating her.

“So you’re the one that helped the grounder escape.”

“I trust him, Clarke.” She told her.

“There’s a lot of that going around.” Clarke side-glanced Finn, who pointed out that someone was coming.

Running through the brush was Lincoln, and once Octavia caught sight of the man, she ran up to greet him with a hug. You smiled at the pair. Even though Lincoln had almost killed you, you felt happy that Octavia was happy with someone. She’d basically been alone her whole life and she found someone who believed in her.

Then, there was the sound of hoofbeats on the ground, and people came riding in on horses. You and Clarke gasped at the sight, having never seen them before. You, Finn and Clarke ran forward to Lincoln, Finn exclaiming that there wasn’t supposed to be any weapons.

“I was told there wouldn’t be.”

You and Clarke began to walk forward with Finn, who was stopped by Lincoln. “They go alone.”

You and Clarke nervously walk forward to meet the woman who wasn’t hearing a face covering. You silently decided between some glances that you would do most of the talking, to avoid any unnecessary bloodshed or misunderstandings between yourselves and the grounders.

You met in the middle of the bridge. The grounder looked you both up and down before speaking. “Your name is Y/n?” She asked you. You nodded.

“And you are Clarke?” She asked Clarke, who also nodded. “I’m Anya.” She introduced herself.

Clarke stuck out her hand to shake, but Anya just looked at it before Clarke pulled away.

“I think we got off to a rough start,” You began. “But we all want to find a way to live together in peace.”

“I understand,” Anya responded. “You started a war that you don’t know how to end.”

“What? No, we didn’t start anything.” You spoke, trying to explain, but Clarke interjected.

“You attacked us for no reason.” You glared at Clarke, and tried to explain yourself, but Anya spoke up before you could.

“No reason? The missiles you launched burned a village to the ground.”

“The flares?” You realised. “No, that was a signal that was meant for our families. We had no idea-”

“You’re invaders.” Anya interrupted. “Your ship landed in our territory.”

“We realise that we’re invaders.” You spoke up again. “We didn’t know that anyone was here, we believed that the earth wasn’t survivable. We thought the ground was uninhabited.”

“You knew we were here when you sent an armed raiding party to capture one of us and torture him.”

You looked down and sighed at Bellamy’s actions.

“These are all acts of war.”

“I see your point, Anya. I do. I’ve read enough history books to realise that this is a repeat of what happened centuries ago. And that’s why we came here. To put an end to all of this before it starts.” You informed her.

“Lincoln said more of you are coming down, warriors.” Anya questioned.

“Yes, the guard. But also farmers, doctors, engineers.” You persuaded. “We can help each other. But not if we’re at war.”

“Can you promise that these new arrivals won’t attack us? That they’ll respect the terms you and I agree on?” She asked.

“I can’t give a full guarantee right now, we would have to get our radio working again and talk with the council, but we will do everything in our power to get them to honour the terms that we’ve set.” You told her truthfully.

“Why would I agree to an alliance that your people could break the moment they get here?” Anya raised her voice in anger.

“If you fire the first shot, those people coming down won’t bother negotiating.” You told Anya. You were seeing more and more how this was like the history books that you collected. You didn’t want to be like the British, and that’s why you were here in the first place.

“Our technology,” You spoke again. “They will wipe you out without hesitation, and I’m trying to prevent that.”

“They wouldn’t be the first to try.” Anya spoke.

“Y/n, Clarke! Run!” Jasper called out from beside the river, startling you. He began firing shots at the trees across the river, grabbing your attention as Anya pulled a dagger from her sleeve, but Bellamy shot her in the arm before she could move another inch.

She ran back to her horses and you locked eyes with Bellamy as Finn called for you both to get down and avoid any arrows or bullets. As you leapt to the ground, an arrow very narrowly missed your arm, creating a small cut on your shoulder. “Finn, get back!” Clarke called out.

He didn’t listen and instead grabbed the both of you and hauled you up, dragging you away from the bridge as grounders still fired arrows at you, one landing in Lincoln’s chest. He broke it off and instructed the four of you to run back to camp and not to stop until you get there.

You ran behind Clarke with Raven, Jasper, and Octavia ahead of the two of you, and Bellamy and Finn just behind.

Nightfall came once you reached camp, finally slowing down. You breathed heavily along with the others who tried to catch their breath.

“What the hell was that?!” You shouted angrily at the group.

Bellamy and Finn glared at one another until Bellamy spoke up, ignoring your question. “You got something to say?”

“Yeah. I said no guns!” He yelled.

“I told you we couldn’t trust the grounders! And I was right.” Clarke shouted at Finn.

“Why didn’t you tell me what you were up to?” Raven asked her boyfriend.

“I tried, but you were too busy making bullets for your gun!” He defended.

“You’re lucky she brought that!” Bellamy interrupted. “They came there to kill you, Finn.”

“You don’t know that!” You shouted for the first time since your arrival. “Jasper fired the first shot!”

“You ruined everything.” Octavia blamed him. His face turned into a look of hurt as she gave him a disgusted look. Before turning around and heading into camp.

“I saved you!” He yelled after her. “You’re welcome.” He scoffed, heading inside after her.

“Well if we weren’t at war already, we sure as hell are now.” You glared at Bellamy, who ignored your gaze.

“You didn’t have to trust the grounders, Clarke.” Finn told her. “You just had to trust me.”

You conveyed a look of hurt and betrayal to Bellamy as you followed Finn and Raven to head to your tent to sleep, although there was a guarantee you wouldn't get much. Your shoulder began to burn a little where your surface wound was, as the adrenaline of running and yelling kept it away.

Before you even walked past the middle of the camp, a loud explosion caught your attention, as well as the rest of camp’s.

You looked up to see something entering the atmosphere, which you assumed was the Exodus ship.

“Huh. I guess they’re early.” Octavia commented from beside you. You hadn’t even noticed she was there.

You watched as it came closer to the ground, but became increasingly worried. “Hold on. They’re going too fast. And no parachute? Something’s wrong.”

You watched it hurtle towards the ground and crash in between two mountains, a large mushroom cloud floating upwards into the air. Your heart stopped beating in your chest as you grabbed Octavia’s forearm in shock.

Your grandmother. Your father. They were both supposed to be on the ship. “No,” You whispered. Tears brimmed your eyes, making your vision cloudy as you shook your head.

“No. No, no, no!” You sobbed, nearly collapsing as Octavia pulled you into her arms for support.

She pulled you into your tent and sat down on the bed with you, letting you rest your head in her lap while she stroked your hair and covered you with the blanket. You cried into her lap until you fell asleep, but Octavia never left your side that night.

Taglist: @soullessbabee | @hyperion-moonbabe-art3mis | @dummythiccwitch | @sireddobrev | @gxvrielle

#bellamy blake #bellamy blake imagine #bellamy blake series #bellamy x reader #bellamy x you #bellamy x y/n #this is war series

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trashcatsnark · 4 years

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thoughts on edens gate and fucking (long post, is mess)

Okay, so I’ve seen some takes about which is folks saying they don’t think the Seeds fuck. Some have been chill valid peeps, others have been less chill.

Now I’m a dumb bitch who lacks the ability to shut up, so i decided to put my opinion out there. And to clarify, cause I always feel the need to, this is exactly that. It is my opinion which is worth however much you decide. My opinion does not invalidate yours and yours does not invalidate mine. At the end of the day, how we interpret characters in a vidya game is purely subjective and has no bearing on real life. It’s all just fun times, my dudes.

This is gonna be long as fuck, so strap in folks

So, that being said, a lot of the reasons people are on the “peggies/the seeds don’t fuck” is because of this supposed No Fornication rule in the cult. However, in my own personal play through (which I might have missed who knows) the only evidence I find of this is through Hurk’s dialogue and sometimes a peggie will call you a fornicator in kind of an insulty way. Again, maybe I missed a note somewhere? Who knows, but these are the only indicators I’ve found/experienced.

However, I don’t think that’s a true indicator of the rule being legitimate and in place. As I said before in a more shitposty context, I think it is perfectly within reason that they may have told Hurk that there is a no fornication rule, because if you remember Hurk is a pervert. I think it is perfectly believable that they would tell him that to either A) make him stop hitting on every woman in the cult or B) to drive him away from the cult when they realized he’s gross. And before you say, “well the cult wants as many people as possible, they wouldn’t lie to drive him away just cause they didn’t like him.” Hurk has a line where he says, his buddies were being kidnapped, for some reason the cult didn’t take him. Hurk is an acquired taste of a human being and the cult is not a fan.

As far as the insult goes, maybe that’s an indicator they don’t like fornication, I guess that might hold water. But, as I’ll explain in a bit, Peggies also say shit that contradicts that. So, I think it could just be as simple as that one peggie thinks we’re a fucking pervert. Hell at John’s ranch there is apparently a peggie who will say they think the deputy’s sin is lust, so maybe that peggie thought so too.

So, now onto evidence that at least is as legitmate as those two things and goes against them. Note; I will not be mentioning Absolution in any of this, that book is not canonical and contradicts the game in many ways. I may like to borrow from it when I write, but that’s just a personal preference, the book is not canon in anyway shape or form.

But, Sharky talks about John fucking. He has a line where he jokes that John has gotten the clap so many times, it became a standing ovation. Now, that could just be Sharky being a shit head, could be rumors, whatever. But, I think it hold as much water as what Hurk says, they’re both oddly lovable fuckin idiots. But take it with a grain of salt or dismiss if you want, I don’t control you.

Secondly, and more damning in my opinion, is male peggies will mention keeping prisoners for breeding. Like????? If Edens Gate was so anti-sex, why the hell would peggies even mention that idea? Once the earth has been purged of sin, they’ll suddenly be allowed to fuck to procreate and fuck non-consenting parties as well? That seems extremely suspicious to me.

Thirdly, there is a event? action? whatever that triggers sometimes in game where you will find a male peggie dragging a female civilian/resistance member by the ankle in the woods to some location to do something. Me and my friends who have played have seen this over and over again, and it is always a man peggie dragging a woman. Never has it spawned with the genders reversed, never has it spawned with members of the same gender. Now, does this mean for absolute certainty that man peggies are gonna do something sexual and non-consensual to the lady? No, men can do bad things to woman that aren’t sexual. And that can also happen with any combination of gender. However, that mixed with the idea that male peggies want prisoners to breed, I’mma file that under suspicious.

Also, I’m pretty sure couples have joined the cult, obviously they’re prepared for babies in the bunkers, since John says in a letter to Nick and Kim that they’ve prepared things for babies and mothers.

And maybe you hear all that and you go, no Snark, I still don’t buy it. There is no fornication rule in the cult, i will die on this hill, The peggies and the Seeds don’t fuck. And you know, maybe fornication is frowned upon in Eden’s Gate, maybe it is bad. And the peggies only mean to breed to repopulate once the collapse has passed or just for in the bunkers.

But does that mean the Seeds listen to that rule?

Maybe, maybe not. Cult leaders and religious figures as a whole, aren’t known for being reliable. In fact, a lot of ‘em are hypocrites. Tracey, granted not about sex, even says she saw through the Eden’s Gate bullshit because the Seeds are hypocrites. She says, the peggies weren’t allowed to be angry, but the Seeds were. And this didn’t change until the peggies anger was convenient for the cult and could be weaponized. Who says how deep that hypocrisy runs?

And this is where I start to narrow in on John, because I think he exemplifies this shit the most. John has by far been the most hoed out Seed in this fandom. Even if he’s not the one you personally thot for, he’s the one most are willing to say is a very sexual person. And there’s canon backing to this, he’s in canon hinted to have some sort of attraction to the deputy, Adelaide sexualizes him. The closest one after that is probably Faith and for her it always is more focused on men sexualizing her, not her herself being a sexual person.

Beyond that, the Book of Joseph (which while imo much for canon then absolution can still be argued how much is true) but it talks about John having struggled with his vices; namely drugs and sex. And that supposedly following the path of Eden’s Gate, absolving himself of his sins, he is now free of those vices. .

But is he?

John is modeled largely after televangelists, who have a big history of being discovered to be criminals or sex perverts, just saying. In the Book of Joseph, Joseph talks about John being a chameleon. He puts on a face, he gives you that smile, he tells you whatever will make you say yes.

A large idea in John’s storyline is that he still struggles with giving in to sin. Joseph tells him, he’s letting his sin ruin the baptism. But he’s supposedly absolved of all sins? So absolved that he absolves others? How does that make sense? Spoiler alert, John’s still a sinful man. His entire character is the idea of someone who pretends and presents himself as being this holy baptist, who shows you how to wash away sins, how to scrub yourself of vices, but is himself proof that it doesn’t work.

So, isn’t it possible, that he still struggles with and at times indulges with his vices? Sure, maybe he doesn’t wanna upset the project and Joseph, didn’t stop him from giving into wrath and trying to kill the deputy in the end. Didn’t stop any of the heralds in fact.

I think it is completely valid and believable to think behind the scenes John is struggling and failing more with his vices than we realize. I don’t think it’s farfetched to believe John or any of the Seeds will tell you not to do something they do. They’re hypocrites, John shows this the most clearly and is the most logical one for it to potentially center around sex. But literally the entire game shows you why they’re all full of shit.

Quite frankly, the only one who’s even close to honest is probaby Jacob who basically straight up tells you like “I don’t even fucking know if this god shit is real, but I think the world sucks and is gonna end, so fuck it” And even he still has some hypocrisy, especially if you compare his ideology to what we supposedly see as being Eden’s Gate beliefs. But that’s a 9 page rant for another day. But uh, in summary cause this is long enough. The Seeds and Peggies might fuck and thats cool. So if you write/art the seeds being whores, you’re fucking valid, go off. And if you don’t, you’re also valid. If you made it this far through this horrifically unplanned, meandering, mess of bullshit; gold star for you!.

#far cry 5 #fc5 #this is a mess #snark being a dumb

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soraegeeks · 4 years

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Review: Fire in the Blood

Fire in the Blood by EllaBesmirched (El_Bell) AU: Fantasy Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia/My Hero Academia Main relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku/Todoroki Shouto; Katsuki and his harem of spouses Status: Ongoing Rating: Explicit

Official summary:

For the first time in his life, Shouto Todoroki thinks he might be happy. Freed from his father's rule by the hand of his husband and now king, Shouto finds himself swept up in his lovers' embrace, the impending threat of a powerful necromancer and his undead pet with a grudge little more than a distant anxiety easily ignored for the miracle that is being loved by Katsuki and Izuku, and watching them love each other. But, as he feared, such happiness can't last.

The Todoroki kingdom has fallen, sending its monarchs retreating to the mountains for shelter and aid. With the Todorokis unseated, Katsuki finds the threat of war on his eastern border more dangerous than ever before. A mad man has taken the Todoroki kingdom and he won't rest until the whole world lies broken at his feet. Tomura Shigaraki must be stopped, but the new alliance forged between the barbarian conqueror and the disgraced flatland king is tenuous at best. As tensions mount, Shouto finds himself trapped between two levees-- on one side, his kingdom, his blood, and his legacy, on the other, his lovers, his home, and the family that made him theirs. And he has no idea where he will be standing when the floodwaters break.

Hello kids, today's review is another fanfic by EllaBesmirched. (I need to figure out another name for my readers but that’s a problem for another day LOL) Fire In The Blood, also known as ‘Todoroki Shouto Can't Catch a Damn Break’ or ‘Welcome to the Fucked-up Todoroki Show’, is the sequel to Elle’s other work Fire in the Mountains. Check out my review of that fic if you haven't read it before or need a refresher.

Let me start by saying that I have no idea what it is about Ella’s writing but EVERY TIME I sit down to review her stuff I end up with pages and pages of notes. I have 8 damn pages of notes in my notebook for this review alone. Insanity. LOL

The story opens on a beautiful Spring day where Katsuki and his extended family are enjoying a picnic. It’s peaceful, it’s fun, and then Shouto gets the surprise of his life when his birth family appears. The Todoroki Kingdom has fallen and the Todoroki family, along with Hawks and the Iida siblings, have fled for their lives. When your birth family unexpectedly shows up on your doorstep you know there’s a shitstorm brewing.

I drew this polycule diagram so I could explain this story to my husband. The look of confusion on his face tickled me so much and I knew I had to keep it and add it to my review.

Intimacy growth

As the story starts it’s been about a month since Katsuki and Shouto’s joining ceremony. About a month since Shouto started being intimate with Katsuki and Izuku. Touching is still a big thing for Shouto and he probably would have burned Hawks when he touched his shoulder in chapter 1 had others not been around. He almost freaked out when Mina, Kiri, and Denki wanted to more intimately touch him in chapter 2 but he seemed to be more open to platonic touching.

Like I mentioned in my review of FitM, between Shouto’s upbringing and his demisexuality, he's still working on wanting to be intimate and accepting that it's okay. And that there are different levels of intimacy that he's learning with Mina in chapter 1, Denki in chapter 9, Kiri in chapter 5.

Chapter 5 was all-encompassing in my brain. I'm overwhelmed (in a good way) about Todoroki and Kiri connecting. Kiri helped Shouto open himself to other types of love. Like Katsuki said in a previous chapter, Shouto was caged in his upbringing. He wasn't given the room to learn human interaction. So when Shouto finds Kiri in their room, they have a mutual understanding. They both have broken familial relationships and a mutual connection with family members hating Katsuki. Shouto let Kiri in and learned more about himself and Kiri helped him see that it's okay to want sexual pleasure and not just “need” it. And Kiri was able to receive pleasure and not be treated like a sex toy in the way that others have treated him. It was beautiful how they connected and I loved that Kiri called Shouto his "soulmate’s soulmate.” They strengthened and developed another bond and that’s especially needed in a poly family.

Shouto had so much growth in chapter 9. The fact that he finally feels like he belongs and he was able to act on more of his desires. Being able to indulge in a dominant role with Katsuki, sexual activity with Denki, and acknowledge that he sees something in Mina and Ochako. His younger self would never have seen 21-year-old Shouto this way LOL. I read Shouto as having a “power” kink. He was always under Enji’s thumb but taking everything he learned from his experiences with Denki, Kiri, Katsuki, and Izuku, and even listening to Ochako were power-ups for him. Baby Dom in the making! Speaking of experiences, shoutout to Izuku for topping from the bottom. Whoo.

I feel bad for our poor baby Shouto. He’s still burdened with feeling ashamed about his scars. And he realized that he never asked Izuku about his scars because he assumed that Izuku had the same shame. Forgetting that scars are celebrated in the Outlands. Someone help the baby’s self-esteem!

I related to how Shouto reacted the first time he spoke with Hitoshi. After growing up in a cage and never having anything that was just HIS (not his feelings, not his thoughts) I’d feel violated and freak out, too. I don’t like people in my head and I’d never want someone in my head uninvited. Thankfully, Hitoshi's interaction with Denki put Shouto a little more at ease. I like Elle’s interpretation of Hitoshi as a mystic and his quirk as the magical ability to read thoughts/see emotions.

I found the references to Katsuki periodically taking a submissive role very interesting. While he’s comfortable during the act, Katsuki wasn’t so comfortable letting other people know. In chapter 1 he was uneasy when he, Shouto, and Izuku were talking about it out at the picnic and again in chapter 9 when Denki barged in on him and Shouto. Ochako's "domineering" qualities were referenced a few times and I love it. It's a recurring theme we also see in FitM and in the side story where Katsuki seems afraid of her and yet intrigued and turned on.

Family

Shouto is learning, growing, and trying to balance his newfound family with what he feels he ‘owes’ to his birth family. At first, he didn’t want to ‘traumatize’, his sister and brother about his family situation, but then he said, ‘fuck it’ LOL. He “realized politics and formality could take a flying leap for all he cared.” These are his loves and everyone will have to accept it. (Note that I DO include Izuku as one of Katsuki’s spouses. I know that he technically isn’t but he’s Katsuki’s first love so that counts for me. LOL) Shouto’s wedded family were very welcoming and looked to include Shouto’s birth family. Katsuki, in a totally Katsuki way, set the tone by telling Shouto’s siblings they shouldn't refer to him by title. “Nah, fuck that shit. Don’t highness me, I don’t play that bullshit with family.” And of course, Denki runs with it to flirt with Natsuo. I cackled when Shouto threatened him to behave, “I will freeze you to your seat, Denki, I swear it.” Katsuki, again, showed how much of a sweetheart he is when he made sure that Rei had her favorite foods during the Equinox celebration.

The burial ritual was beautifully described and I was so tickled by the narrator’s voice, “it was not, in fact, mostly the same” Shouto was exposed once again to a different tradition that he ended up liking better than the one he was raised on. There was such a sense of warmth with the spouses and extended family. And we got some introspection with Katsuki thinking on how he’d like to die.

I love Shouto’s little trio with Izuku and Katsuki. Their interactions tend to be a combo of chaos and insanity LOL. When Katsuki wants Shouto’s attention he has no problem bumping Izuku out of his way. “Katsuki reached back and shoved Izuku with his palm across Izuku’s face without moving away from Shouto at all” Like, sir, what?! LOL In pairs they like to tease the other and Izuku is a little shit cause he repeatedly teased Katsuki for liking to be dominated. And bless their hearts when they get into an argument. "We shouldn't yell at each other." Katsuki and Izuku’s baggage makes Izuku nervous but they’re going to have arguments. Katsuki has admitted to trying to be a better man so they’ll get through it. They can be serious and protective like when Katsuki and Isuku stood up to Natsuo because he was being very ‘Enji-like” in criticizing Shouto. And when it comes to Enji’s ass Katsuki comes at him with bite and Izuku meets him with his head raised like an equal.

Shouto’s relationship with his birth family is complicated as hell. Shouto swings from confusion about being relieved that his father was alive and Enji apologizing for not believing their warning about Touya to being pissed at his father for being an ass and asking why Shoto didn't fulfill his spy mission.

Shouto’s birth family members’ responses to his family situation were interesting. Fuyumi being “scandalized” but wanting more details, Natsuo being completely shocked and wary, his mother giggling, and even Enji’s utter disgust. Not like Enji has any room for judgment since he’s having an affair with Hawks. Hypocrite.

Shoto is in such a hard place of wanting to save and return the Flatlands to his family but being loyal to and choosing to follow Katsuki’s decisions.

I can’t speak about family relations without touching on the sadness of chapter 5. In which both Kiri and Shouto felt like they were on the outside. Upon the arrival of the other tribes, Kiri’s facing heartbreak that he’s shunned by his birth family, and Shouto is feeling distant from his. And can we take a moment to address the fact that after all of the spouses grow old and die, Kiri will have to return home? 😞

On a lighter note, is Ochako pregnant with the first baby of the extended family?! 🤔

Shouto’s Childhood

This is such an ouch section. From Shouto’s POV, he's always felt that Touya was unfairly treated. From the moment he learned that Dabi was really Touya he just knew that Dabi was a twisted version of his brother. But maybe as the youngest, his brotherly image was skewed and he didn't see the real things that happened.

“And he died before you were. Old enough to figure out if he was worth it.”

Shouto learns from multiple people that Touya was cruel and cared little for other people. Natuso told him that Touya had kidnapped him and took him to a dangerous place an hour away. Not the garden where his 5-year-old mind remembered playing and learning fun magic.

“He took you to the labyrinth,” Natsuo said again. “He didn’t tell anyone. You were gone for almost a day.”

And his mother, OH MY! To learn that his mother’s mental state was so wrecked that she confused him for his dead older brother and burned him. Heartbreaking. Something that I've been wondering, I don't think that Shigaraki just randomly picked Touya. I'm starting to think that when Touya started dabbling in necromancy they knew each other before his execution

“They didn't believe me when I said he had evil in his heart. Not all the time, of course. Loved his mother, loved his brothers, loved his sister. But. Sometimes. Enough. Set a servant girl's skirts on fire once, when she moved... something of his. Poor girl had a burn on her leg the size of my hand and I. Well. A mother does what she must. I didn't want to, but he needed to know. Know it's not nice to burn someone. Know what it felt like. Before he really hurt someone, you see. Your father was so angry he took my tea kettle away.”

Perceptions of Katsuki as King

There are conflicting views of Katsuki as king. Shouto, from an inside perspective, says that Katsuki is a good man and a great king. (I find it interesting that Hawks says that good men can't be kings.)

Lady Ashido and the Kaminaris raised a fuss about their kids not being at the meetings assuming that Katsuki thinks they are too weak and he's been tricked by Shoto the "doxy" (a new word for my commonplace book) and Izuku the usurper. In truth, Katsuki just worries about keeping his spouses safe and happy because he loves them. I cheered Shouto on when he snapped at Lady Ashido.

Izuku warns Shouto that the generals don't have undying loyalty to Katsuki because he conquered the other chiefs and collected the chiefdoms. And that there are snide remarks that he didn't take the chiefdom from Izuku. Tarloh acknowledges that he does have talent, “Man’s a tactical fucking genius. Brain of a king. Heart of a warrior.” They just think that he's young and idealistic. For Katsuki, though, he’d rather be that than anything else.

“We’re all fucking naive idealist bastards and I’d rather be a fool on a throne with my family beside me than wise and alone and powerless.”

HAWKS

What can I say about Hawks really?! There were so many allusions Elle left throughout the whole story that there is more to Hawks than anyone knows. In Chapter 2, Shouto notices that it is very odd that somehow Hawks hid behind Enji’s bulk when there should not have been a way for that to happen.

What is it about Hawks that really sets Shouto off but no one else?? Shouto is so disturbed by him but no one else sees it and they think Shouto just finds him attractive which he does but there's just something about Hawks that unnerves him. Hawks does a lot of things that don’t seem to make sense. He’s more open with Shouto and seems to hide less of himself when they’re one-on-one but he speaks in riddles. Shouto is the only one who ever sees Hawks’ slight facial or body twitches.

The quote “he’d seen exactly what Hawks had wanted him to see” says a lot about him. Hawks only does things that benefit Hawks and I sort of wonder if he was so purposely so loud while having sex with Enji. Shouto remembers in the past that Hawks appeared out of nowhere or was more visible in places than you would think a spymaster wouldn’t.

At the same time, the one person who SHOULD get a read on him can’t. His mind is completely blank to Shinsou and he tries multiple times. All of the sneakiness comes to a head in chapter 11. I won't give that away because it deserves to be experienced in writing.

I will end this by saying that chapter 11 left me screaming. I felt like this is why we can’t have nice things! LOL (If you’ve already read the chapter and want to talk about it PLEASE hit me up. I need to scream with others! LOL) Shouto’s gonna be a badass ruler when this is all over. If they all make it through the coming storm.

#bkdk #bakudeku #ktdk #katsudeku #So Rae Geeks Reviews #Fic: Fire in the Blood #EllaBesmirched (El_Bell)#mha #Bnha #fanfic review

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stormtrprinstilettos · 5 years

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Fun’s For Free - Chapter 8 (Roger x Reader) (smut)

Summary: It’s 1978 and you’re assigned to follow Queen on their North American tour to promote their new album. Only problem is the magazine you write for has not been kind to the band in the past, and someone has a hard time letting go of that fact.

Series Masterlist Here

In this “episode”: He can’t keep a damn secret, but that’s ok. But wait… he what??

Word Count: ~4.6k

Warnings: Language, smut and even some fluff. 18+

[A/N: Two more chapters left, y’all. If there’s a desire for it, we can always have a Part 2, so let me know!]

November 27, 1978 – somewhere in rural Ohio

The bus broke down and you’re all standing on the side of the road wondering where you are. You’re trying to lighten the mood, but no one is having it. Daisy left with some of the crew to find help, so at least you didn’t have to hear her whining. You’re kind of wishing you’d have gone along for the ride too, though, because if you have to listen to one more second of Brian and Roger bicker you’re going to scream, which is why you’re trying to lighten the mood. “Could be worse. We could be in Kansas,” you say, finding it funny, but no one else does.

“Oh, fuck Kansas, and fuck Ohio,” Roger grunts. “Fuck all of this. We should have taken a plane.”

“No one knew this would happen,” Brian grunts back. “So how could we have known to take a plane?”

“Oh, fuck’s sake, Brian, do you always have to try to be reasonable?” Roger snaps. “It’s exhausting listening to you…”

You quickly grab Roger’s arm and tug him away. “Let’s go sit on the bus,” you tell him calmly.

“Why?” he snips. “There’s nothing I can do in there.”

“There’s nothing you can do out here either,” you say through gritted teeth. “I don’t want to have to report that Queen broke up because their bus broke down.”

“Always witty,” he replies with sarcasm. “That’s exhausting too, you know.”

You yank his arm and make him start walking. “Your bitchy attitude is also exhausting but I don’t complain about it.” Finally, you got him to laugh. “I like you better this way.”

He drops himself into a seat and pulls you down to sit on his lap. “I’m just ready to get to the hotel and get us out of these clothes,” he chuckles as he pokes your sides.

“Calm down, Blondie,” you giggle. “Last night should hold you over for a little while, don’t you think?”

“No,” he murmurs in your ear. “Last night made up for the whole week I’ve gone without.” He nibbles on your ear lobe two times before pulling away.

“A whole week?” you ask, turning around and looking confused. “You had Nashville Nancy 5 days ago.”

He rolls his eyes and shoves you off. “I did not.” He looks at you with a smirk as you’re standing in front of him with your hands on your hips. “I got pissed at the bar and fucking passed out in my clothes when I got in the room.” You start to laugh hysterically and he’s trying hard to fight back his laugh, but he can’t. “And I guess I was talking and kept calling her your name. I don’t remember any of it.” He pulls you close and hugs you around your waist. “I’m surprised you even spoke to me after that.”

“To be fair, I didn’t really speak,” you giggle and massage the top of his head with your fingers. “It was more like yelling.”

He rest his head on your stomach and holds you tighter. “I deserved it. I deserved more than that, actually.” Before the conversation could get any deeper, the guys walk on the bus in a much better mood than they were. Roger didn’t let you go. “Let’s go in the back,” he groans. “We can go back to sleep.”

November 28, 1978 – Buffalo, New York

“Where have you been? I’ve been looking all over for you!” Daisy yells at you from down the backstage hall. “The guys are fun and all that, but you can’t just leave me alone with them!”

Your laughter is echoing. “Stop being so dramatic. They won’t hurt you.”

She looks at you suspiciously and starts to smirk. “You were with him weren’t you?” Your eyes start to glare and her smirk still stays. “Come on, Y/N, just admit it.”

“We have to get out there,” you groan. “We’re in the front tonight.” You grab her arm and start walking, but she yanks her arm away.

“I know there’s something going on here, and the sooner you tell me, the sooner I stop annoying you about it.”

“In case you forgot, I’m here for a story. I sneak off with each one of them from time to time.”

She doesn’t believe any of it. “Then why did the roadie with the black hair tell me about how Roger snapped when that guy touched you the other night, hmm? Or about how he saw Roger leaving your room the other morning…” She notices the look on your face and starts to chuckle. “I knew you were going to do this again. I knew it. I told Mike he was making a mistake sending you.”

“Oh shut up, Daisy,” you groan. “You wanted this gig from the start and you’re so bitter that I got it and not you.”

She snaps. “I don’t even know how you still have a job after what you did during that Zeppelin interview.”

“So I partied with them,” you snip. “Just like I party with these guys. Just like you party with the people you interview. It’s part of our job.”

“It’s not part of our job to have sex any of the band members, Y/N.” Her mouth drops open and she gasps. “You’re fucking Mike too, aren’t you? That’s why he didn’t fire you!” She starts to laugh. “Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable.”

“I don’t have time for this shit,” you groan as you walk away.

Daisy starts to follow you, but she’s quickly cut off by Roger. “I don’t appreciate being the subject of gossip,” Roger tells her as he takes a slow drag of his cigarette. “The quicker you learn that the better.”

“Yeah?” she chuffs. “You didn’t seem to mind when people talked about us last February.”

“Excuse me?” he asks.

“I’m not that surprised you don’t remember,” she says as she twirls her hair with a finger. “But it does hurt my ego a little to know that you don’t.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says, almost immediately realizing what she’s trying to say. “Oh really? Well, you mustn’t have been impressive. Because I really don’t remember.” He takes another drag of his cigarette and gives her a wink before heading to the stage.

There were a few hitches in the show tonight, none that you thought made it a disaster, but the guys weren’t happy about the performance at all. A few miscues, Brian’s overextended solo, and Freddie’s inability to hit certain notes frustrated them all to the point that none of them were even speaking to each other on the ride back to the hotel. Once you all arrived back, they all scurried away from each other and locked themselves in their rooms. You and Daisy didn’t even bother trying to talk to them, deciding instead to head to the hotel bar.

“Does this happen often?” she asked as she sat at the bar next to you.

You giggle and take light a cigarette after you order your drink. “Them not speaking? Yeah,” you sigh. “They’ll be fine tomorrow.” You tense your brows and look over to her. “I’m not fucking Mike, just so you know. I’m not exactly his type, since he’s, you know, gay.”

She throws her head in her hands and groans. “Is he really?” she asks. “I didn’t know…” She picks her head up and looks at you, minor frustration on her face. “You’re right. I was completely bitter about you getting this assignment.” She takes a sip of her drink and smiles. “But I can see you’re doing a good job here.” She starts to laugh. “I don’t know how you’re handing them all the time. When I was sent to one of their shows last year I couldn’t handle being with them for very long. And here you are, a whole month and you haven’t lost your mind.”

“Oh, I lost it a few times,” you chuckle. “I just managed to find it.” Suddenly it dawns on you what she just said. “Wait. I didn’t know you…”

“Yeah,” she giggles. “One of their shows last tour. I didn’t use my name on the write up. It was terrible. That was when you were in Florida somewhere.” Her face suddenly turns to one full of guilt. “Can I confess something to you?” You raise your brow, not sure if you want to hear, but you nod, letting her know it was okay. “That night I was pretty strung out. So was…” She suddenly stops and looks behind you, causing you to turn around and see Roger walking up.

“Hello, ladies,” he says with a smile, taking the seat next to you. “Do you mind if I join you?” He orders a drink and lights a cigarette. “So what are we yapping about?”

“You,” Daisy giggles. “Is that okay?” You glare over at her and she laughs. “I’m just kidding.”

“Actually,” you start, “Daisy was just telling me about when she hung out with you guys last year.” His face turns shocked, and you don’t know why. “I didn’t know she was there.” You put out your cigarette and start to laugh. “I don’t think it’s fair I got yelled at for stuff she wrote, Roger.” When you look back at him, his face is still shocked, and now you’re starting to wonder why. “Jesus, you look scared. Was it that bad of a time?” Neither him or Daisy is saying a word, and you’re starting to get annoyed because you don’t know what the hell is going on. “Okay, one of you needs to speak because…”

He clears his throat and takes a sip of his beer. “It seems Daisy here is a hypocrite,” he says. You glare at her again, but this time she’s avoiding eye contact with you. “See, Daisy keeps giving you problems about… you and me,” he says. “But Daisy…”

“Oh my God,” you say as you start laughing and running your fingers through your hair. “Oh my God.” You can’t get anything else out of your mouth. Your laughter immediately stops and you yell. “Oh my God!” You jump up from your seat and don’t know if you want to slap her or walk away. “You two?” you ask. “Are you for real right now?”

“Oh, come on, it was 5 minutes and it’s not like he even remembers,” Daisy snaps.

An angry laugh starts to come through and you can’t stop it. “You are constantly berating me over something I did one time two years ago and now I find out this happened?” You look over at Roger who doesn’t know what to say because he doesn’t know if you’re mad at him. “I don’t even care that it happened. I do care that this bitch loves to try to make me feel like a slut when she’s no better.”

“Five minutes, five hours, five times, it doesn’t matter, Y/N,” she groans. “All you are is an easily accessible piece of ass for him when he can’t find anyone else so don’t think whatever you’re doing is any less slut-like.”

“That is not what she is at all!” Roger yells. “I’m actually crazy about this girl. She’s not just some floozy who gives it to me whenever I want it. I will have you know that…” You hurry and cover his mouth, making him shut up.

Daisy is sitting there, mouth open and stunned. “If you say one fucking word, I swear, Daisy,” you grumble.

“Wow,” is all she can muster. “I had no idea. I thought you two were just…”

“Well we’re not,” Roger tells her. “We’re not and do not say a word or I will ruin you.”

Without a word, he looks you straight in the eye, deeply, unmistakably in awe of every inch of you as you lean against the door of his room. “Roger,” you say softly, the way someone speaks when they find something they thought they’d lost and would never find again. Quiet awe.

He reaches his hands up to cup your face. “Y/N.” His tone was not one of awe, but of confirmation, all-knowing, with a total eye contact he had never shied away from before, but this time it never left. Not for a second. You’re still in mild shock, but you never look away from him. Before you can experience the classic pre-kiss hesitation you’ve grown so accustomed to, he pulls your face to his and holds it you kiss, long, slow, and full, your tongues reflecting all the ways you desperately want to trace one another’s bodies.

“I can’t believe you told her…” you giggle before he cuts you off.

“I’m tired of hiding my feelings. And it’s okay if you don’t feel the same about me. But dammit, Y/N, I think I’m in love with you…” You smile and move in for a kiss, pulling the waistband of his pants so he’ll be closer to you. He’s tense, and nervous – you’ve never seen him like this before, but you know this conversation is going to go nowhere unless he relaxes. “Did I fuck up?” he asks, still holding your face. “I don't want to ruin everything by going too fast.”

"Oh, so you want me to take it slow?" you smile as you slipped to your knees in front of him. The moonlight shining through the window reflects in his eyes as you look up with a grin, both sweet and evil at the same time. You slowly unzip his pants and slide your hand inside.

"That is not… quite what I meant," he groans with a soft chuckle.

"Then what did you mean?" you ask, playfully, as you unbuckle his belt and open his pants. You pull the band of his briefs down and release his already throbbing hard cock. You looked up at him as you leaned closer, your soft, warm tongue finding the throbbing head of his prick, and circle it playfully three times.

"I have no idea anymore," he moans. You giggle at his reaction then put you soft lips around his cock and slowly started bobbing your head up and down with a slow corkscrew motion, taking more of his cock into your mouth each time you go down. He was starting to relax finally.

"Is this going slow enough for you?" you ask with a sweet smile as your hand traverses his cock from its base to its head painfully slowly. Up and down you move your hand, jerking him off painfully slowly as you looked up and watch his face.

"You are a bad, bad girl," he groans with a chuckle.

"Oh, I'm going too fast, you say?" you giggle as you stop your hand at the base of his cock and grip him just hard enough to drive him crazy.

"Ok, now you're just being mean," he groans as you bite softly on your lower lip, your hand stationary as your eyes sparkled up at him.

"What are you going to do about it?" you smile.

"I will…" he says and then pauses. He truly has no idea what he’s going to do about it. He knows he’s at a very distinct disadvantage. He knows you have all the control, but he has to at least pretend that isn't true, because he never relegates control. He has to show that he has some say, which must be why he says, "I'll make you wait a whole week for sex."

"Oh, really?" you ask with a very amused look. He knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on and so do you.

"No, not a chance," he chuckles as he reaches out and gathers a handful of your hair in his hand. "I can never resist you."

"Good," you say as you look up at him from your knees, your hand still gripping his throbbing hard cock. "As long as we're clear about that."

"We are, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to spank you," he says in his best authoritative voice.

"Mmm, do you promise?" you ask, biting down on your lower lip. He nods, and you smile as you wrap your soft lips around the head of his cock again and start bobbing your head up and down as he holds your hair tightly in his fist. Your eyes look up at him as you take every hard inch into your mouth.

"Fuck… yes," he groans, enjoying what you’re doing to him. He firmly holds onto your hair as his knees grow weak, knowing he won't last much longer. Every inch of his body is in ecstasy as his cock slides in and out of your mouth, your lips massaging his flesh and your tongue driving him over the edge. He lets out a loud groan as he feels himself getting closer, until he finally comes with a vengeance, filling your mouth with his seed.

"Was that slow enough for you?" you coo after sliding his cock from your mouth.

"That was amazing," he says as he catches his breath.

He lifts you up and lays you on the bed, your eyes looking up at him as he soaks you in for a moment before kneeling on the floor. He pulls you closer to the edge and puts your legs on his shoulders as he kisses your thighs over your pants before reaching up and sliding them down. After slowly making his way back up, his tongue finds your clit and makes soft, slow circles that barely even touch. "You are such a tease," you groan as his tongue continues making the soft little circles that were driving you wild. He sucks your clit playfully into his mouth, rolling his tongue around it faster and with more pressure. "Oh, fuck!" you yell as he looks up at you, your head pressed back into the pillow, your chest rising and falling with each deep breath.

"Payback is hell, isn’t it?" he smiles and you stick your tongue out at him as you flip him off. "That's very mature of you," he chuckles as you tightly wrap your legs around him and his face goes back down between your legs. He flicks his tongue playfully across the lips before rolling it and slipping it inside you.

"Yes, that's it," you cry out as you reach down and grab his hair with both hands, he still teasing your dripping wet pussy with his tongue. Every time his tongue slides between the lips, your hips thrust upwards and you hands push his face down harder into your sweetness. Your breathing is getting faster and more labored as your body squirms beneath him.

"I could eat you all night," he moans as he looks up at you with those blue eyes.

"Promise?" you moan softly.

"Yep," he says as he buries his face between your legs again, sliding his hands up your torso. His tongue slips inside you as his hands cup your heaving breasts over the fabric of your shirt. You let out a string of little screams and moans, your legs wrapping around him like a clamp. You scream as your start to reach your climax, and he does his best to devour every drop of your sweet juices. You ride out your orgasm until you go limp on the bed, releasing your legs from around his back. He kisses your body softly as he looks up at you, your eyes closed as you catch your breath.

"Was that slow enough for you?" he chuckles as he stands up in front of the bed, feeling like a warrior that had just conquered his prey.

"Oh, shut up," you giggle. "You’re really good at that."

"I know. I can tell," he says cockily with a wink as he bends over, grabs your hands and pulls you up to kneel on the bed. He kisses your soft lips deeply as his hands work on getting your shirt off. He grabs your ass playfully as you start to make out like teenagers. Your tongues twirl around each other as he reaches around and unsnaps the clasp of your bra, causing it to fall on the bed between you. He breaks your kiss and leans back, drinking you in, his cock rock hard all over again. He leans back in to kiss you, this time guiding you to lay back down.

He slides his cock inside of you, and even though it’s happened before, right now it feels like he’s doing it for the very first time. Your whole body is on fire and your mind reeling with just how much life had changed over the past month. Your eyes meet with his as he starts fucking you with slow deep thrusts. It’s almost as if he’s on auto-pilot, giving you a few partial thrusts and then a full, deep thrust that makes you scream. You love feeling his body above you and every little sound that he makes turns you on more and more. "Fuck, Y/N," he groans. "You feel so damn good."

"Yes, Roger," you moan as you bite down hard on his shoulder, causing him to moan loudly. He gives you a series of deep thrusts before slipping it from your dripping wet pussy, making you whimper. "No! More!" you plead with a pained laugh.

"Oh, there is going to be more," he says as he sits up, pulling you over his lap, letting his hand rest on your ass as your body squirms.

"You're not really going to spank me, are you?" you giggle as his hand goes up into the air and comes back down, making a thwack that echoed through the room. "Ouch!" you yelped, laughing.

"Oh, you think it’s funny?" he asks, chuckling.

He slaps your ass again, and you look over your shoulder at him. "Is that all you've got?" you laugh as he spanks you again.

“I always keep my promises,” he says as he lays on the bed and pulls you on top of him. He guides himself deep into you with one deep thrust, holding your hips. "You like it like this, right baby?" he whispers.

"Yes," you say in a struggled whisper as you hold yourself up by your hands on his chest. His fingertips find your clit and you let out a heavy sigh as he starts to rub as you rock back and forth on his cock. You’re moaning and grinding, every inch of him inside of you.

"Are you ready?" he asks as his hands slide up to your back. You hurriedly shake your head yes, and he pulls you down to him, his cock pounding away, wanting to make the moment last forever. But you feel him explode inside of you, sending wave after wave of his cum deep inside of your box. He doesn’t let you go, even as your pussy grips down hard on him. He doesn’t let you go as all of the energy escapes from your body and you fall completely down onto his chest. He doesn’t ever want to let you go. He looks up at you as you struggle to raise your head, trying to catch your breath, and smiles. "Just stick with me. There’s more where that came from.”

November 29, 1978 – Buffalo, New York, 10am

"You are amazing, Y/N," he whispers in your ear the next morning when he feels you wake up. “And perfect,” he says before giving you a kiss on the back of your shoulder. “Every… single… inch…” he whispers, each words emphasized by another small kiss.

You giggle and groan as you roll over to face him with a smile on your face. “Can’t we just stay here forever?” You bring the palm of your hand to his face. “I don’t want this to end.”

He kisses your forehead and pulls you into him. “It doesn’t have to,” he tells you. “We can always have this.”

You strain to look at the clock on the nightstand and groan. “We have to get up,” you sigh. “The bus leaves in 30 minutes.”

The phone starts to ring and now he groans. “This better be fucking important,” he says when he lifts the receiver to his ear. “Yeah, Deaky, I’m up.” He rolls his eyes and looks at you. “Yeah, she’s here.” Your eyes get big and you’re silently fussing at him as he hands you the phone.

“Get him out of bed and dressed and down here,” John laughs. “And we can only keep Daisy distracted for so long so…”

You and Roger hurry and get dressed, trying to decide who is going to walk out first. You try to find your shirt but can’t, so you grab one of Roger’s that sitting on the chair and throw it on. “I’ll go first,” you say as you rush to the mirror and try to pull your hair up and look somewhat presentable.

“You look fine,” Roger tells you as he starts to get dressed. “Go.” You run over and give him a quick kiss. “I’ll see you at the bus.”

You smile and start to run out the door, but you quickly run back to him. He gives you an amused, questioning look. “I think I’m in love with you, too, you know.” You give him another quick kiss and run out the door before he can even say anything.

When you get to the lobby you see Daisy first, sitting on a chair looking absolutely livid. You don’t know why you’re concerned about her, but you are, so you hurry over to see what’s wrong. She glares at you like she’s about to slash you, and you don’t know why. “Japan? Really? When were you going to tell me?”

“What are you even talking about?” you ask.

She stands up and chuffs. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. How are you getting all of the good shit? You’ve only been at the magazine for a year. I’ve been there for five and I’m not getting anything.”

“Daisy!” you yell, snapping her out of it. “What are you taking about? I’m not going to Japan.”

“Yes, you are!” Freddie says from behind you. “You’re coming with us!” Daisy rolls her eyes and stomps off in a huff and Freddie grabs you into a big hug. “We asked and we are receiving. Of course, now that you and Rog are in love…”

“Woah,” you interrupt. “Hold on.”

Freddie starts laughing. “Anyway… It won’t be as funny since you won’t be getting him testy, but it’ll still be fun!” You look over Freddie’s shoulder and see Roger walk into the lobby. “And don’t tell me you aren’t in love because I don’t even have to turn around to know Rog just walked in. You have the same look he does when he sees you.”

You giggle and look back at Freddie. “Maybe I just have that look because I know what he’s got in his pants.”

“You are too much!” he howls with laughter as he slaps your shoulder. “You and me are on the same wavelength. That’s why I look at that one like I do,” he giggles as he points to one of the road crew. “But don’t say anything. He’s my little secret.” You pretend like you’re zipping your lips and wink.

“Are you two coming or are you walking to Ottawa?” Roger yells. “Get your perky ass on the bus!”

“He’s talking to me, clearly,” Freddie giggles as he walks away.

You follow behind and see Roger waiting for you, giving him a smile when you meet up with him. “Did you know about Japan?” you ask. His smile grows. “And you didn’t tell me?” He winks. “So you can keep a secret.”

“Let’s get on the bus so we can go back to sleep.”

“Canada,” you groan as you sit down in your seat. “Canada in December. Who planned this tour?” you joke.

“Don’t worry,” Roger mumbles as he wraps his arm around you and smirks. “I’ll keep you warm.”

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Series tags: @toomuchlove-willkillyou @sunshine112 @ohtheseboysilove @luvborhap @painkiller80 @hannafuckingsucks @itsametaphorbriansblog @capsparrowtara @asquiresofftime @aridrowse @geek-and-proud @a19103 @nicholeh7 @caborhapch @catch-a-deak @thebelgiancompanion @ultrablackwidower @maggieroseevans @protectrowanwhitethorn @mercurycrowley @amy-brooklyn99 @bellas2silly @rogxrtaylxr @gylfsz @amagicmess @thessxoxo @luvborhap @bohemiansweede @loveandbeloved29 @radiob-l-a-hblah @technicallykawaiisoul

#fun’s for free #roger taylor #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor x fem reader #roger taylor x y/n #roger taylor x you #roger taylor smut #roger taylor series #roger taylor fanfiction #roger taylor fic #roger taylor fanfic

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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710

Have you ever done drugs and were able to quit for good? I’ve done milder drugs, like caffeine and nicotine... I don’t have like a dependence issue on them so it’s nothing I have to ‘quit.’ Are you against weed, or do you think it should be legalized? I honestly don’t know much about them since they’re normally shunned in our culture and is barely talked about/explored. I’ve heard they have medicinal purposes though and I’m finding it hard to find excuses as to why it can’t be legalized for that reason. Have you ever been taken advantage of while drunk? No. Is there any medication you refuse to take? (Like for ADHD, etc.) No, and I’m not familiar with the types of medication either. Ever watched an Above the Influence commercial under the influence? I haven’t. We don’t have commercials like that.

Have you ever or do you have an abusive significant other? Nope, just abusive family members. Are your parents too involved in your life, or do you feel forgotten? Uhh I get the feeling they want to be more involved partly because they’ve realized I’m getting older and it’s only a matter of time before I live my life on my own, so they’ll sometimes drop hints like wishing they got to know more about my love life, mental health, etc. But because we’ve been emotionally distant my whole life, it’s hard for me to open up at all so I refuse or get reluctant whenever they ask. How do you feel when it comes to love? Well I mean these days and for the last few years I’ve been optimistic about it. It’s been a while since I haven’t had a significant person that my life revolves around so my perspective is pretty biased, though. Do rainy, cloudy days affect your mood? They make me feel better. I thrive in bleak weather, and I absolutely hate sunny, humid days. Have you ever wished you could just move away and start over? No. I’m still pretty young so there’s still opportunities for me to do exactly this once I graduate. For the meantime I go through a bunch of shit, make mistakes, and learn from them so that I know better once I have to be an Adult. Are you impulsive, or do you overthink? I’m both. I overthink on my downtime but am impulsive when I feel pressured.

Are you or have you ever been addicted to any substance? No. Do you think beauty goes more than skin deep? Duh. It’s 2020, I think we’ve covered that a million times now. Do you remember your first date? How was it? My legit first date was at a nearby mall and we only had enough to afford Bonchon for lunch. We had just graduated high school so there wasn’t any reason for our parents to give us allowance anymore so we just relied on whatever we had saved in the last few days of school, which wasn’t a lot. But it was our first date after getting back together so we were simply happy spending time together in that simple date. Have you gotten caught in a HUGE lie to your parents? No, I’ve never gotten in trouble specifically for lying because I hate doing that to begin with. I’ve been in deep shit for other stuff, like getting caught cursing on social media when I was 10 or failing a test/class. Are your relationships unstable, or do you manage to keep friends a while? They’re mostly stable and I have friends I’ve kept for a very long time, but I tend to be very particular about actions. That means to say when someone does something I have on my blacklist (like breaking my trust or making fun of me directly) I’ll have no problem cutting them off in seconds, which some have been confused by cos it’s not really that common to do something so abruptly. Don't you hate when people have the nicest parents & treat them like shit? Yeah of course. Why wouldn’t that piss me off? Are your moods stable or do you never know how you're gonna feel? They’re stable for the most part. I can tell when my mood is about to shift and even then I have ample time to adjust for it and warn others if possible. Have you ever been on probation or arrested? If so, what for? Nope. The most/worst that has happened has been getting pulled over. Do you think that without drama and problems your life would be boring? Not that I exclusively thrive on drama lmao, but it’s sometimes nice to have it around just for the spice of it. I can definitely live without it, but yeah I’d say life would be a *little* bland. When you've had a bad day, do you seek an escape, or do you just face it? Depends on what problems I have. If it’s something I know will be sticking around for a while – like my anxiety toward my thesis – I’d rather have a quick, brief escape like eating out or having a few drinks. But if I’m bothered by something more pressing, something I know I’d lose sleep about, I just face the music. Do you think the bible's hypocritical, or do you live by it? Oh I dunno dude. I stopped paying attention to it when I finally didn’t have to read it every morning for school, so I’ve forgotten most of the lines. I have some memories of raising my eyebrows at some gospels though – like the one where Jesus flips out at seeing a marketplace near the temple, when these days a bunch of malls – public areas designated exclusively for shops – host masses of their own. Most churches are also situated near markets or have clothing or food stalls nearby for people to flock to after mass, so that bit confuses me to this day. Have you ever thought you were or actually BEEN pregnant? No, this has never been a concern of mine. Have you ever guilt tripped someone into something? LMAO just my parents, because I’m the most spoiled out of their kids. That’s not to say I’m spoiled rotten, I’m just a bit more expressive about what I want. Do you actually care about other's problems? UP has opened my eyes to the plight of the poor and the working class, and so I mostly care for their struggles. When it comes to the opposite sex, do you fall for them faster or slower? I’m demi. My concept of ‘falling’ is the same for everyone. Have you ever had or been part of an intervention? Never. I wasn’t aware of the concept either until I saw it being done for Jesse Pinkman in Breaking Bad. If you could, would you go back and change the way things ended with someone? No. Can you manipulate someone into getting what you want? I can probably do it but I never want being manipulative to be a dominant trait of mine. Does the type of music someone listens to tell the type of person they are? Sometimes? Idk, you’d be surprised at some of the music people listen to. I’m as basic as basic gets lmao but I know people would be surprised to see Rancid on my playlists. But then again, music is a form of expression and it’s still a good indicator of someone’s personality or aura. Have you ever felt like you know a person just from their survey answers? Several people I follow have said that their surveys serve as their journals, so in a way it is an avenue to find out who they are. I don’t wanna assume I know them 100% though because after all, I’ve only known them through Tumblr. Are there any problems within your family? If so, what? Land dispute problems primarily, as with all Filipino families. Another issue I’ve heard of recently is what to do with one of the houses we own – who’s in charge of selling it, how to divide the money once it’s sold, etc. Apparently my grandma wants some of the money to be given to one of her sons (my deadbeat uncle) which has pissed my mom off and she’s currently pushing for him not to get any of the money cos he hasn’t done anything to contribute to the family haha. It’s all honestly fun to watch and has taught me to take it easy on my sister when we get older. If you're in a bad mood, do you take it out on others or do you hold it in? I try to hold it in and handle it responsibly, but there are times I’ll snap towards other people. Most days I act fake and convince everyone I’m doing fine so that they don’t need to worry, though. Have you ever seen cocaine, ecstasy, heroin, or acid? Have you done it? Nah I’ve never seen any of these in person. Do you like a lot of attention or does it make you uncomfortable? Oh man I hate it. Once I start feeling there’s too much on me, I try to shift it to someone else. Have you ever wanted to help someone, but you just couldn't? I don’t think I’ve ever had to care for someone who was just too far down. In one way or another I’ve always been able to offer help to my friends who needed it. Have you ever contemplated suicide or talked someone out of it who has? Just the former. I doubt I’m mentally capable of handling the second one all by myself, so I’m a little relieved I’ve never had to do it. I’m sure I have friends who can do it much better than I would. Have you ever been homeschooled? Why? No, I’ve had traditional schooling all my life. Have you ever woken up somewhere and not known where you were? Nah it’s never been this bad. I’ve woken up confused for a few seconds, but I’ve never been completely clueless. Has someone ever laced/slipped something in your drink? No, that’s awful. Have you ever had a party when your parents went outta town? Get caught? I don’t throw parties at my own place, and that’s not very common here either. Is there something you really wanna tell/say to someone but can't? Nah, I’m good. I do want to hug Angela because I’m sure she still feels bad about her grandmother passing away. Don't you hate when someone texts you and you're expecting someone else? Hahahahahaha, yes. That’s why I gave my girlfriend a separate ringtone.

#survey #surveys

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mock-star-aq · 5 years

Text

Supermonster Dinner Party: a Dragula fic.

Happy Holidays y'all! This is my fic for the @rpdrficexchange for Wolfie, aka Wolfie @thepastpresentandfutureofdrag !! I hope you like this darling! (For some reason I can't tag you in this?)

This is a weird cannon divergent style where they are their drag personas but dragula and drag race still happened, (if that makes sense) so make of that what you will.

Edit: Thanks to @hellobiqtchlasagna for helping me come up with the surprise at the end. I forgot to credit them in my rush to get my fic up and I feel bad😅

"Do you know anything about him?" Vander asked, pulling a batch of cookies out of the oven and sliding them onto a cooling rack. Biqtch was leaning against the wall, nursing a mixed drink.

"Just that he's Boulet approved, same as you." Biqtch drawled. " Swan actually told me to be nice, as if I would be mean to anyone who wasn't mean first, or a Republican."

"You can be a bit crass at first. Drac told me to be mindful of not coming across too snooty, but she's one to speak."

"Oop, I'm snitching! I'm going to tell her you said that!"

"Oh, she knows, she makes fun of herself. And she would just brush it off. I can tease her a little since I know her relatively well."

"Yeah that's fair, Lord knows they talk shit about us all the time in private."

"I'm pretty sure it's mostly good things, but yeah, they absolutely poke at our screwups with each other. "

"Because they want the best from us, cause we're super monsters and all that." Biqtch pushed herself up from the wall, crossing over and rinsing out her cup to use again later.

"And also because we have to work together from now on, so we have to be at least cordial to each other." Vander said, pulling out her phone to check the time. "He should be here anytime now. I told him 6, and it's 5:55."

Just as Vander stopped speaking, the doorbell rang.

"Speak of the devil, that should be him." Vander motioned for Biqtch to follow her as she went to the door, smoothing out some wrinkles from Biqtch's shirt before opening the door wide.

"Hi, nice to finally meet you! Landon, right?"

"Yup, Landon Cider. Nice to meet you too." He affirmed, holding a hot bag. Vander waved him inside and relieved him of his dish, allowing him to hang his coat up as Biqtch closed the door.

"Nice to finally meet you, I'm Biqtch Pudding, and that's Vander Von Odd. You're hot as shit." Biqtch introduced herself, leaning against the wall as Landon took off his outerwear. The most prominent thing about him was how chiseled he was, even his face. The Boulets weren't ones to choose supermonsters based on conventional standards of beauty, but Landon was certainly very attractive.

"Ah yes, you two are infamous. The first two supermonsters!" Landon smiled, slightly blushing at Biqtch's remark.

"I hope our fearsome reputation precedes us." Biqtch flexed, her arm about half the size of Landon's.

"Landon, does this need to be warmed up at all?" Vander asked, holding up a casserole dish from the hot bag, interrupting before Biqtch could embarrass herself more.

"Maybe? I pulled it out of the oven before I left, so it should still be warm." He crossed over and took off the top, holding his hand over what appeared to be a lasagna. "Oh it's fine. It probably needs to cool down a little actually. Biqtch, I know you're a vegetarian, so this is just cheese."

"Yasss thanks doll!" Biqtch cheered. "What do you want to drink?" Biqtch led Landon over to Vander's drink cart as Vander pulled together the last little bits of the meal and set the table. She put the basket of rolls down as Landon and Biqtch came back, and Landon immediately put his drink down to help Vander put the last few things on the table.

"Thanks babe." Vander said as they all sat down at the table and started serving food. It was quiet for the first few minutes while they ate, but then Vander started asking Landon questions, since the main point of the dinner was to get to know him.

"So tell us about yourself Landon, where are you from, what do you do outside of doing performing .."

"Are you single?" Biqtch interjected. And Landon chuckled before responding.

"Well, I'm from Long Beach, and I have a Hispanic background. I am happily married, sorry Biqtch." He apologized, and Biqtch pretended to be upset, pouting and snapping her fingers before sitting up and shoving his shoulder, indicating that she was joking.

"We fucked like the all of the drag race winners do when they win but neither one of us liked it, so she was hoping to get a second chance." Vander explained, and Landon spit out his drink.

"And you know that HOW?!" He spluttered as Biqtch clapped him on his back.

"Sasha told me. She doesn't love the tradition, but I have a feeling she'll change her tune if Shea wins an allstar season."

"So they haven't fucked?"

"Oh no, they have. And they'll take any excuse to fuck. They're just rarely in the same place at the same time anymore. Trust me, Sasha's an open book once you get to know her well enough. So are most of the other RuGirls. Several of the other winners have offered to include us in the tradition, but unfortunately that probably ends with you. At least the sex part, most of them would probably be willing to makeout with you or cuddle with you."

"Fine by me!" Landon declared, wiping his brow. And they all started laughing.

"Yeah, we all saw you make out with Evah!" Vander teased, and Biqtch hooted appreciatively.

"Neither of you can talk!" Landon retorted, and they all started laughing harder. "Biqtch is a dick pig and Vander handled a pup during her final floor show. Hypocrites, both of you!" He wheezed out, clutching his stomach with one hand while pointing with the other.

"Look at the pot calling the kettle black!" Biqtch screeched.

The rest of the night dissolved into hysterics, scream laughing at each other so loud it was a wonder they didn't get a noise complaint. The food was barely touched and cold, but no one cared.

"I was inside so I couldn't see, but you could just hear her screaming! FUCK THE BIG PICTURE CLINT!!!"

"That's better than Loris's temper tantrum. "NoT tOnIgHt!"

"Well we didn't have any fun catchphrases like y'all did!"

"Bitch the fuck you mean? Everything that came out of Disasterina's mouth was fucking iconic! "Attention human males? She's murdering my pussy?" You just gotta think!"

"Ooh ooh! I know! "You're just a trigger happy alcoholic that's what I said bitch you gotta pop a xanax every 10 fucking minutes!" That's the closest thing Dragula has to the sugar daddy speech so far!"

"Ok, you both are right. What can I say? I just a dummy ass thick Biqtch." She joked, standing up slightly to twerk slightly to the amusement of Vander and Landon, who laughed even harder.

The doorbell rang, interrupting their laughter. Vander got up to answer it, and came back carrying a white box, slightly damp from the snow.

"What is that?" Biqtch asked as she and Landon got up and walked over to the counter where Vander sat it down.

"No idea, but it's addressed to me and it's from a really nice bakery." Vander replied, cutting the string tied around the box off with a pair of scissors and opening the box. All of their jaws dropped as the lid fell back and revealed what was inside. Biqtch came to her senses first, hunching over laughing and clutching the counter. Vander covered her mouth and started wheezing as Landon chuckled and pinching his forehead as if he couldn't believe his eyes.

"That is not what I think it is."

"It is." Vander and Biqtch said in unison. Biqtch pulled out her phone and took a picture, still laughing.

"I'm sending this to her right now. It's so lifelike, and I should know, I stared at her mug for weeks!" Vander laughed, kneeling to get a better look.

"Did she send it?" Landon asked, taking out his own phone to take a picture. Vander plucked up an envelope that was beside the cake and opened it, laughing harder when she read it.

" It's from the Boulets." She wheezed.

" Happy Holidays uglies. Hope you don't mind if Meatball crashes your supermonster dinner party. We truly are proud of you all. XOXO. Dracmorda and Swanthula."

"Swan wrote that." Biqtch said, looking over Vander's shoulder. "Drac has chicken scratch."

"Ooh! I'm snitching!" Vander mocked, and Biqtch doubled over again while Landon laughed in a confused way.

"So who wants to do the honors of cutting Meatball's head and seeing what flavor her brain is?"

"Landon should do it, welcome to the family bro. " Biqtch said. Vander nodded and handed Landon a knife, which he took.

"Alright, cheers Meatball." Landon said as he sunk the knife into the cake shaped like her head and cut away a piece.

"It looks like Red Velvet." Vander said as she held out a plate for Landon to put the cake piece on.

"That's clever as fuck!" Biqtch smiled, watching as Landon cut the next piece.

"Now I know how the Boulets feel, this is a powerful feeling, slicing someone up."

"Oh he's definitely one of us!" Biqtch cheered, high fiving Vander. Biqtch high fived Landon as Vander's phone went off and she unlocked it.

"Swan's glad to hear we got it and Meatball sent a bunch of grave emojis."

"That tracks." Biqtch said as Vander put her phone away and went to grab wine glasses and a bottle, uncorking it and handing them all a glass of red wine.

"A toast." She said as she held up her glass. "To the Boulets, to Dragula, to good food and good times, and to the supermonsters, past, reigning, and future. Cheers."

"Cheers!" Biqtch and Landon echoed. And they all drank.

"Now let's go eat our cold food and our Meatball head cake." Vander directed. "This is a dinner party after all."

"A holiday dinner party! Where's the mistletoe?" Biqtch joked.

"I am not kissing you again! Once was enough!"

"Spoil sport. Landon will make out with me, won't you Landon?"

"Umm, we'll talk. "

"That wasn't a no!"

Landon rolled his eyes and laughed at Biqtch's perseverance and Vander's apologetic face. This family was strange and weird and unconventional, but he loved it and wouldn't have it any other way.

#the boulet brothers dragula #thepastpresentandfutureofdrag #fic exchange #vander von odd #biqtch puddin #landon cider #my fic #m #mock star #dragula fanfiction #dragula fanfic

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talkingismylifewrites · 5 years

Note

anon here is v curious about your headcanons for john/veronica/roger pls share

Okay you had no idea what you were getting yourself into when you asked me this. I will not apologize for my passions

My wife @candidroger and I have built out an elaborate world wherein John/Veronica/Roger are together and pure. It’s gonna be long, so STRAP IN! (long rant below the cut)

okay so it starts like this: roger and ronnie grow up in the same town and are bffs and when they’re like seventeen roger realizes that he might..not..be straight?? he’s like definitely bi but more into dick than vagina

and he has STRICT parents who are homophobes so he’s like oh shit this is bad

and ronnie realizes that she has STRICT parents who just don’t want to see their baby girl go off and live her life in london like she’s always dreamed of? like they’re like, we can’t have you live ALONE in the BIG CITY where you could DIE so why don’t you stay here in town and just never leave the nest

so ronnie and roger are commiserating together over a bunch of wkds because they’re trash when they come to the realization that if they marry EACH OTHER they can not only make roger’s parents think he’s straight but also have ronnie’s parents let her go to uni in london

AND THEN THEY DO! they get married and roger’s parents are SO PROUD and ronnie’s parents are like, ugh FINE (minus Grandma Tetz but she deserves HER OWN STORY because that woman is hell in a handbasket and i love her)

So Ronnie and Roger move down to London together and they proceed to just fuck shit up. They have an excellent report with each other because these kids are inSANE. like they write up a prenup that is basically just that when they divorce, whoever has had the most sexual partners during their wedding wins their whole liquor stash, and that the cats (Mrs. Fuzzles [he’s a boy] and Gilgamesh [she’s a girl]) have a very detailed custody agreement. Its written on the back of a take away menu and they got it fucking notarized because they’re ~extra~

Ronnie also takes sick pleasure in trying to sabotage Roger’s chances of winning the liquor stash by kicking down his door while he’s in flagrante and being like “WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN BED WITH MY HUSBAND!”

She’s only supposed to do it the morning after, but she’s competitive and in it to win

(That’s how they meet Freddie)(he refuses to leave because he lives for the drama)

Anyways so fast forward and Queen is now a thing like they are picking up steam and they’re looking for a bassist

In comes Mr. John Richard Deacon born August the 19, 1951

Roger is his usual flirty mess who is hitting on men and women left and right and John is like, ah gotcha, this guys just the usual player like i think he’s the prettiest guy i’ve ever seen? but he’s kinda just a fuckboi okay gotcha gotcha gotcha

And then one day they’re playing and he sees this GORGEOUS woman in the crowd and he’s like fuck that’s the one I Love Her and he’s making eyes at her across from the bar and she’s making eyes right back at him and hes!! so!! happy!!

When the set finishes he goes and puts the Disco Deacy Moves™ on her and she is just so fucking into it and John’s like hell yeah hell yeah hell yeah

Only for Roger to come bounding up to her and is like “John! I see you’ve met my WIFE Mrs. Veronica Tetzlaff-Taylor (Tetz for short)”

And Ronnie is like yup, this is my husband, can you believe we’ve been married for 6 years???? (they wear rings john just doesn’t pay attention poor lad)

And John is just...heartbroken. Like he is CRUSHED. Here was his perfect woman but not only is she MARRIED she’s married to his bandmate who is also a serial CHEATER

and he sits on it and stews for months because Roger keeps cheating but always goes home to their apartment and Ronnie is just so much better than him?? and she doesn’t deserve this!! but what can he do?? if he tells her he ruins the band but if he doesn’t then she’ll just get more hurt?

Basically he spends it trying to avoid her because she’s aggressively hitting on him (hey the lady’s married to roger she’s learned some shit along the way)

Then one night, they’re all out at a bar and Ronnie like corners him and he’s drunk and she just goes for it and she plants the kiss of a lifetime on him and is like “i know you want me like i want you” (a trademark Roger Taylor Line™) and john just snaps

“What about Roger?” and Ronnie’s like “He’s going home with someone else it doesn’t matter” because she might be brilliant but she’s Dense

“I’m not going to just be with you in order to get back at Roger,” he says and pushes her off him. “I’m not your whore.”

And he leaves and locks himself in his apartment and spends the weekend alternating between eating too much ice cream and crying and watching shitty movies and feeling all around shitty

and when the next practice comes around, he shows up looking like shit with sunglasses on and is like “alright, roger is gonna kill me for kissing his wife and i’m gonna get kicked out of the band”

Roger is FURIOUS and he immediately just slams John up against the wall and is like “You MOTHERFUCKER who do you think you are calling Ronnie a whore?”

And john is like wtf no i didn’t and for your information SHE kissed ME

and Roger is like “I will fucking kill you for looking at her she doesn’t DESERVE YOU she is BETTER THAN YOU!”

John is now angry and is like “Oh yeah? Well she deserves better than YOU you fucking wankstain CHEATER!!”

And Freddie is the one who's like okay...there’s clearly some miscommunication because Roger isn’t cheating? And johns like they’re MARRIED and he’s GOING HOME WITH OTHER PEOPLE

and Roger’s like oh fuck no one actually told you??? we all just...assumed you knew...

And johns like knew what

and then roger explains how they’re married in name only so that his family won’t cut him off and so her family would let her go to her dream university and hey the tax break is fantastic so they just kept at it and it works cuz they’re best friends

Johns like...”who the fuck gets married for a tax break”

and together freddie and brian are like “roger and ronnie do”

So John shows up at Roger and Ronnie’s flat with flowers and is like I didn’t know and I’m sorry and I really want to take you out to dinner if that’s okay with your husband

And roger is like “bring her back by nine and no funny business”

and ronnie’s like “i can blow him in the car if i want roger and we’ll be back when i want to come back you hypocrite”

And they start dating. And then John moves in with Roger and Ronnie because Ronnie can’t abandon her husband??? And it goes from Roger&Ronnie to Roger&Ronnie&John

Two years later, John has the worlds most awkward conversation with Roger where he’s basically like, hey can you um, get a divorce from my girlfriend so i can ask her marry me???

And Roger at first is THRILLED because John and Ronnie are couples GOALS and he LOVES them SO MUCH and they DESERVE HAPPINESS

So they get a divorce (Roger wins the pot of alcohol but Ronnie gets Mrs. Fuzzles and Gilgamesh) (Roger cries) and Roger is like okay, cool, i’m now single this is great!

and he just spends his newly single nights hooking up with everything that moves but he just keeps feeling sadder and sadder

Until he wakes up one night two weeks before the wedding and is like Oh Fuck I’ve Fucked Up and Fallen in Love with My Ex-Wife and Her New Husband

and just shuts down and is like okay well there’s nothing I can do now they love each other and i will never ruin their happiness so I’ll just SUFFER like a MARTYR

And he gives Ronnie away at the wedding (Ronnie and John couldn’t decide who would have him as their best man/MOH and it caused their biggest fight so they decided neither could have him and they’d just have him walk her down the aisle and give the big speech at the end) and is like i will never let them know that this is Killing Me.

After the wedding he’s like, okay guess I’ll move out now? At first its okay? because he’s now got all the hot water he wants, and he doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night to Ronnie and John going at it and Ronnie doesn’t leave her hair in the sink and John doesn’t drink all the milk and put the carton back in the fridge

But he’s Lonely

Ronnie and John go on their honeymoon and Roger goes to Freddie’s to get the drunkest he’s ever been and he confesses his feelings but is like whatever i can be strong (spoiler alert he’s not he’s very sad)

Meanwhile, in Paradise, Ronnie and John are beginning to realize that they’ve never been alone this long without Roger

And John is like, has Ronnie always talked this much without Roger there to cut her off?

And Ronnie is like, had John always breathed this loud?? why is he wheezing?? wtf????

And they’ll never admit it to each other, but they’re really really REALLY excited to get home and see Roger again

But they can’t say that to each other?? Because it’s their honeymoon and who wants to hear from their new spouse that they’re more excited to see their best friend/ex husband than have sex with them

So they get back and they’re like ROGER!! WE’VE MISSED YOU!!

And Roger is like I Can Never Let Them Know I Love Them

so he just plays it cool and starts to distance himself from them because he doesn’t want to ruin their newlywedded bliss

But Ronnie and John keep fighting about everything (the milk the talking the fact that john will not stop dropping his wet towels on the bathroom floor wtf john) and they keep trying to see Roger but he’s always busy now??? he has no time for them??? because he “doesn’t hang out with married couples”????

Finally it comes to a head months later where Ronnie and John are just screaming at each other from across the kitchen when Ronnie finally just screams:

“I WOULDN’T HAVE MARRIED YOU IF I KNEW IT MEANT LOSING ROGER!”

And john’s like

“WELL ME THE FUCK TOO, VERONICA!”

And they stop and stare at each other and they’re like, whut

so they pull out the wine and spend the night unloading how somewhere along the way they both fell in love with Roger?? And that they can’t love each other unless Roger is there because he is their Missing Piece

But clearly Roger doesn’t love them the way they love each other

They cry and hold each other and decide that even if they can’t have Roger like that, they’ll settle for just having him in their lives as their friend again because he’s been so distant lately

So when they’re in the studio next, John pulls Roger aside and is like, look i know things have changed, but I want you to know that no matter what Ronnie and I consider you to be our best friend and we miss you so please tell me what i can do to fix this?

and roger’s like...you can’t. because its my fault and i don’t want to be like, ruining everything

and johns like just tell me i can fix it!

and roger’s like you can’t

and john’s like try me

and freddie’s like, uh, let’s not do this here--

and john’s like i just want to know why he’s ignoring me and ronnie just because we got married

and roger’s like it’s because you got married

and john’s like, fuck, is this what its about? sorry you had to get divorced but like, i wanted to marry ronnie and--

it’s not that

“then what is it roger?”

And roger just goes fuck it and is like “I wanted to be the one married. To you. Both of you. Because I love you both. Like, love love. But you’re married to each other and it sucks but i’m working on it and it’ll take some time but we can be friends once i stop yknow. Loving you. Both. The two of you. Together.”

And john just stares at him because his whole brain is rebooting. and then he just kinda goes, “okay. I uh, need to uh, talk to my wife.”

And then he leaves

He goes home and he tells Ronnie and they get so excited they have sex right there in the front hall and then they get dressed and they go to roger’s apartment all ready to be like WE LOVE YOU TOO WE WANT YOU TO COME BACK AND MARRY US FORVER

but roger is GONE he has fled the country

with freddie

they have vanished and ronnie and john are distraught like where the fuck is he??

Crystal is like you can’t break me I’ll never tell because drummer solidarity! And john is like fucking tell me or i’ll bring out the big guns and crystal is like you don’t fucking scare me

and the Veronica comes in and he breaks in >30seconds because Ronnie is terrifying and also she knows Too Much

Roger and Freddie are in Peru

Why? Because once John left, Roger panicked nd was like I HAVE TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY!! And because Freddie is the ultimate bro he took him to heathrow and got them trashed on duty-free vodka and was like okay bb you choose where you wanna go

and roger ends up talking to this nice new age couple who were like, we just hiked all of Mechu Pechu and we have come back cleansed of all our negativity and issues and we are now so much better than we ever were before and roger in his drunken glory was like yes that there i wanna go there cleanse me of my negativity

(they hike for exactly thirty minutes before they give up and check into a 5star spa and spend the days in face masks and chugging champagne)

Ronnie and John end up hiking the trail for two whole days before they realize that there’s absolutely NO FUCKING WAY Freddie would have done this

They think Crystal LIED and Ronnie is ready to kill him and strangle him with his own intestines when John spots a head of golden hair from across the market place

(”fuckin’ romantic nerd,” roger teases later right before ronnie twists the shit out his nipple in retaliation)

And that’s how Roger gets his declaration of love screamed at him while 200 Peruvians and tourists stare on in horror as John dips Roger backwards and tries to swallow his tongue

(”I FUCKING LOVE YOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT! YOU MADE ME GO HIKING! JUST TO TELL YOU THAT I’VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU EVEN BACK WHEN WE WERE MARRIED!” Ronnie screams)

They end up back in Roger’s hotel room wherein they proceed to dom the shit out of him like we’re talking praise kink and body worship and ronnie’s riding roger while john’s pounding him though the mattress

and the whole time they’re telling him that there is no us without you and we couldn’t work together unless you were there because we love you and you are ours and you can never leave us again and roger is loving it

and then they come home and the first thing they do is move roger into their new marital home and buy a giant mattress

Ronnie introduces them as “this is my current husband and our boyfriend my exhusband” and roger is like “this is my ex wife and her trophy husband they are both my lovers” and john is like “this is roger and veronica”

and they spend the rest of their lives together having crazy hot sex and a billion babies

because you know Mr. I Have Six Kids and Mr. I Have Five Kids spend their days seeing who can get Ronnie pregnant the most and they are LOVING their giant ass family

and they all live happily every after

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk I hope i have converted you to the bright side

#one day children lll tell you about the wonderful and terrifying Gma Tetz #now someone ask me about my ot4 john/ronnie/roger/dominique #john/veronica/roger #caro writes #roger taylor #john deacon #veronica tetzlaff

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caroline18mars · 6 years

Text

A Man On Fire - Chapter 36

“Nooooo, I don't want to get out in the cold anymore, let's stay here forever” she whined as Jared got up and held open her coat for her, “ok, stay here where it's busy and crowded, or sacrifice half an hour and walk ourselves warm to end up in our cosy, warm room with comfortable couches and a ridiculously warm and soft bed?”. Harper rolled her eyes “You don't play fair” she sighed, “all is fair in love and war” he grinned and grabbed her hand as he guided her out of the coffeeshop where the icecold and windy street greeted them. “So, going home..that's quite a big deal, are you absolutely sure you want to do this?” he put his arm around her shoulder and held her tight to his side walking down the street, “yep..it's not that I want to, but I need to know..I need to know why they hate me so much..why they always treated me differently than my siblings” she sighed deeply, her warm breath mixing with the cold air formed a foggy cloud “it's not gonna be your average 'meet the parents' moment, I can tell you that much”. The despair in her voice was almost unbearable “I think it's real brave what you're doing” he squeezed her shoulder “so any tips on what aristocratic families do these days? Maybe I should get into golfing or cricket or something? I want to blend in because I don't think your parents will be expecting some long haired musician/actor as their son-in-law”. Her hiccuping burst of laughter wrapped a warm blanket around his heart “son-in-law? Uhm no, my parents certainly won't be expecting that, ohh wait, maybe we should tell them we're married, they'll go ballistic!” she kept on giggling. “And you? What do you think about marriage?” he blurted out, he needed to know, Harper stopped in her tracks all serious of a sudden “Marriage? Nothing but heartache and misery, I swore to myself a long time ago that I'll never be nobody's wife, I've never felt the need to be ayone's possession which is basically the definition of marriage, isn't it?”.

Jared didn't know whether to hug her or be dissappointed, he'd never given marriage any thought but hearing her say the word, triggered something hidden deep inside of him, what would it be like to grow old with her? it definitely wouldn't be boring, on the contrary, it would be adventurous and very rock 'n roll, he could actually see his unborn children in her eyes, really beautiful kids if they looked like their mama. “Yeah, I guess it is..do you make any distinction though between marital possession and sexual possession?” he pulled her against his body with a very dirty grin, “now you're talking! I'll always submit to such an exquisitely skilled lover of your caliber, although I think you're holding back where I'm concerned, I think there's so much further you want to go where sex is concerned, don't you? Let's say that I'm convinced you're into something a whole lot more kinky than just spanking my ass” she wiggled her eyebrows. Why not push all my fuckin' buttons at once, you little minx? Dingdingdingding! “oh really? You're convinced, huh? Well, that's for me to know and for you to find out, so if I were you, I would get that sexy ass to our bedroom RIGHT NOW!” those last shouted words made her giggle “ohhhh goodieeee” she clapped her hands in delight, wasn't she just amazing? A girl that was so excited and looked forward so much to getting thrown and pushed around a room and a bed was an absolute keeper, his heart beat so hard in his throat and his groin ached behind the zipper of his trousers seeing her giggle and skip away from him, he quickly caught up with her breaking down in a fit of laughter when he saw her lose her balance on another strip of ice.

'Bang' went their erotic bubble the minute they set foot inside the hotel, “there you are! We've got a million interviews lined up, you should be glad someone around here remembers the PR” Shannon came stomping over to them. Harper hung her chin against her chest, she just couldn't get a break around here, could she? All she wanted was to get some much needed lovin' from her man, who had kept his distance last night too, bleeegghhhhhh, what did a girl have to do round here to get fucked senseless??. “Sorry, I have..” he scrunched up his nose, feeling absolutely guilty as he cupped her face, “it's ok..you have a job to do, I understand” she tried not to pout, “I'd love it if you came along” he tried to twist her arm. “You kiddin? Get out into that cold again? nope, na-ah, no sir, no way” she shook her head trying to keep it light and funny between them, “alright, why don't you go warm up the bed then, be back late afternoon, we'll have some time together before the show” he whispered. “I don't want to be a wet blanket, but..” Shannon moved closer trying to get their attention, Harper took a step back and mouthed a silent 'go, it's ok', “alright, alright, ok, lead the way Mr. PR-man” he growled at his brother as he reluctantly turned on his heels and followed Shannon out with a sigh, signing to her to keep in touch during his absence. Ok..what to do? More coffee? Ugh no, her blood pressure was through the roof more than enough already, go to a museum? Nope..out of the question she went out into that cold again, then what? Read a book! Yessss, perfect idea, she hadn't read ever since she got to Europe, Jared and her job here had absorbed most of her free time, curl up under the covers and get lost into another world, she asked her key and almost ran to the elevator.

Oh those dreadful interviews with their copy/paste questions, he hated how he had always thrown up a wall around his personal life in the past, because right now he wanted nothing more than just talk about her, then he wouldn't miss her as much, hold it, hold it, hold it, take a step back, you are not turning into one of those ugly codependent couples you hate so much! You are so not! Fuck it, yes I am, ok ignore and focus back on the question and the interviewer, hope it's better than those ugly glasses she's wearing. 'Beep', no, focus on the question, before they think you're an absolute asshole, oh sod it they already think that anyway, he dug his phone out of his pocket and kicked Shannon's leg to answer the next question, he had a mail to read and that was far more important right now.

From: HCDeRobiano

To: BJLCubbins

Subject: shock!

Jaylicious,

' A leg went over and she positioned herself, ligned up his dick with her entrance and slowly, ever so slowly she pushed down and impaled herself with a loud, blissful moan'

Uhm, what the fuck is this? So, I went online to get inspired for my next painting and I bumped on some real cool stuff on this site called 'Tumblr' and what do you know? I get these suggestions to also check some extra cool dude called Jared Leto, curious as I am, I check and..well, well, these girls are writing the hottest stuff with you in a very kinky main role. Are they ex- or current groupies of yours? Because they all seem to write from reality..and there's so many out there, I'm flooded by an exuberant amount of smut. Oh and then there was all these threads about what a jerk you are in bed too, they're calling you all sorts of horrible names..what is that all about? that sounded a whole lot more real from real groupies.

My eyes hurt from reading way too much stuff about you, why did I ever decide to get online?

Confused Coco

From: BJLCubbins

To: HCDeRobiano

Subject: Re: shock!

Babe,

Get offline, now! So you went 'there' huh? How do you think I feel reading all those stories about myself and their fantasies about my sex life..they make me look like some kind of pornstar in those fics, but they're 'just' fans ('just' is an ugly word, but they're my meal ticket, you know what I mean) I swear I've never touched or met any of them in real life, they're just stories, those stories on Tumblr come from the imagination of some very dirty minds :). That other stuff you're mentioning is a site full of slander I tried to shut down, but no matter how hard I try, those trolls just keep on popping up and haunting me, don't believe what's being said, please! Yes some of those things happened a long, long time ago, but never the way what they're saying, it's difficult to explain..

All you have to know is that I love you veryveryveryvery much, ok? You're the only one that matters!

Don't go running off again, just wait for me and we'll talk, all through the night if that is what it takes to believe me!

Your 'Jaylicious' (I like it, you're so original, where do you come up with these nicknames?)

WHAT??? slander?? but it actually happened? Of course it happened, what did he think she was? Retarded? Did he ever see that interview with Howard Stern she had just seen for the first time, where some sleazy pornstar talked about Jared's 'monster' that obviously had given her as much pleasure as it gave her? Of course he had, and he expected her to get offline the minute she found more info about his past in half an hour than she had gotten out of him in weeks? Put the phone down, just put it down and grab your book, relax, of course he had a past, she had one too, and she knew that he was no choirboy, that much had been obvious during each sexmarathon they had so far, but then why did she feel a little dirty right now? Don't be a hypocrite, come on, ok book, where was I? She browsed for a few seconds but then threw the book back on the nightstand, ok not able to focus, fine, TV then, she flicked through the channels like a maniac, ooohh some more 'Catfish' reruns then. 'Beep' the screen of her phone lit up, and she quickly grabbed it thinking it was Jared, 'Happy now? You destroyed everything, after everything I did for you, is this how you repay me? I'll never forgive you for this, I'm on my way to New York right now and I swear I'll have you and all your godawful paintings evicted in no time, so you won't have a 'home' to come back to'. Harper sat up in shock gasping for air, Sean..oh god no, her fingers trembled as she pressed down on his name and held the phone to her ear, pick up..voicemail, fuck! Text him back 'Sean, no I'm not happy, how can I be happy when the person I thought was my best friend tried to kill me, just because he feels rejected!? Have me evicted, fine by me, but don't touch my paintings, please, I'll beg if needs be, but please don't destroy them, they mean more to me than anything or anyone in this world, please Sean?' there, sent, with an aching heart and close to tears, for fuck's sakes Jay, will you just come back? I need you here, I need someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. A tear found its' way down her cheek, followed by a whole lot more and she didn't even try and stop them, her heart nearly burst in her chest, she just wanted to be happy, just to lead a simple, uncomplicated life devoted to painting and creating, but that wasn't gonna happen soon, was it? Oh Jay, please, I need you so much right now..call him? No, he was working and she wasn't ready yet to show him just how silly she was being at times, he'll be here, just let out all those stupid tears right now so he can hold you later without having to see what a mess she really was, no, no, her sadness was her own and nobody else’s business.

#jared leto #jared leto fanfic #jared leto fanfiction #fanfic #fic #fanfiction #a man on fire #chapter 36 #30 Seconds To Mars #30 seconds to mars fanfic #caroline18mars #Harper Coco #harper and jared

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blcodyhell · 6 years

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What happened: the truth, not word of mouth.

My initial post was one where I stated the simple truth of the impossibility of me being racist or phobic of any sort; that remains, but ever since this whole issue broke out, three people maturely approached me to clarify things, to tell me EXACTLY what it was that I had said that offended them instead of calling me things out of assumption, & I was able to have some mind-opening conversations, which was exactly the thing I had wanted from the beginning, & the reason I had been so angry & disappointed at everyone: because everyone went to a third party & spread slander about me instead of maturely coming to me to talk. But what is done is done, & all I can do is a d d r e s s what those three people have told me & the truth it reached at.

NUMBER ONE: ‘forcing diversity’

Boy did I word that wrong; it did not in ANY way mean that I thought casting PoC was wrong, it did not meant that I wanted everyone to stop doing fancasts with PoC in them, it did not mean that I hate PoC ( that would mean hating myself, & I no longer do, haven’t for years ) & it did not mean that I hate representation, at all. What I meant by the words forcing diversity was that, as an actress myself, I know there is a thing going on in the movie/tv world where people are cast ONLY for being different, someone I spoke with called it ‘the Token role’ ( they said ‘girl’ but for the sake of this post I’ll include all genders ), & that is exactly what I meant. Example: if they’re making a new version of Legally Blonde with the mask of an open casting & they tell me ‘Oh yeah, we’ll hire you, you can be the next Legally blonde. Having a Latina Elle would bring us so much more money because it would get people talking’ I would HATE that so much, I would decline the offer, because I refuse to be USED for my differences. BUT if they told me, ‘Hell yeah, you can be the next Elle, you bring up her personality so well, no one else has done it the way you have, we’d only need you to die your hair blonde for the sake of the character.’ THEN I’d be like !!!!!! ‘YES THIS WILL MAKE SO MANY PEOPLE THAT LOOK LIKE ME SEE A HERO ON THE SCREEN OMFG YES YES YES YES, I’M IN.’

THAT DOES NOT MEAN I DO NOT LIKE TO SEE DIVERSE EDITS AROUND, OR THAT I WANT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD TO STOP MAKING THEM BECAUSE ‘IT’S WRONG’. That is what got lost in translation; first of all I never said ‘this is just wrong, it shouldn’t be done’, because I don’t think it is wrong, how can it be when it makes people happy? I do not discourage edits ( hell, I didn’t know I even had that power ), I do not want ANYONE to stop making them, because I know that making those edits makes some people feel included in such a way that I didn’t understand before I had some conversations ( I will go into further detail on this specific point a little later ), nor did it mean that I think PoC should never be given opportunities or roles, or anything of the sort, if it did, then I’d be putting fire on myself: I a m a PoC actress MYSELF, it only meant that I won’t make any, me, alone.

But you said the friends of Narnia should only be white and it was wrong to make them anything but, Yes, well, I also worded that wrong, VERY VERY wrong, I was not paying attention only to that conversation so the words were placed horribly around & it made me sound like a twat. No, what I meant was that I have & always will think going against the author’s word is not right to me; I will always hold the author’s descriptions & their decisions about the world THEY created ( except for J.K’s ‘cause let’s be real, she’s reaching so fucking far ) over any other opinion, & that is why I couldn’t see the Pevensies or any of the friends of Narnia as anything but white; but that is what I saw when I read the books when Lewis called them ‘fair skinned & fair haired’, we all have different imaginations & that’s what’s amazing about books. It was very w o n d e r f u l l y pointed out to me, though, that white can also be PoC that pass as white, or that have very pale skin as well, & though I hadn’t thought of that, yeah, that would also work very well, but just like I said above: as long as these people are cast for TALENT & not the Token rule.

In conclusion to point number one: a) I would love the world to always cast for talent, not for differences. b) All the opinions expressed are about what I as a solitary independent person would do, not what I want everyone else to do, I promise I never meant to make anyone think I discouraged them or disapproved or thought them anything but valid.

NUMBER TWO: ‘I don’t see the point of the term pansexuality’

I never understood the reason I got so much hate out of that sentence, when it was literally me asking for help so the term pansexual could be explained to me; it now has, & for it, I can finally speak up about this.

I am a bisexual girl, & because I grew up during the time in which only three terms existed for sexuality ( heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual ) I was taught that the ‘sexual’ part of the words had nothing to do with anything but the sex organ the person had, the two being vagina & penis; it is why I was always against the term pansexual because I kept thinking that people using that term were saying that trans people were not real women or men! I was so absolutely outraged at the fact because, to me, it seemed hypocritical of them to claim that ‘TRANS MEN & WOMEN ARE REAL MEN & WOMEN!” & then call themselves Pansexual in such a way that it excluded trans people within the man & woman spectrum! I was so honestly outraged because the thing in capital letters is exactly what I believe & know: trans men & women are as real as non trans men & women.

Since then, though, not only have I learnt of the term intersex & how awfully I called those people hermaphrodites before, but I also learn that in present time the ‘sexual’ in any of the orientations have NOTHING to do with the sex organ itself, but the gender, for which I know there are many, many, many options. Yes, I have never been entirely comfortable with all the options in existence because I think it makes already phobic people even MORE phobic & thinking that we’re doing it for attention; I KNOW we are not doing it for attention, but I know that that is what phobic people can think. But, again, that also got lost in translation into making it sound like I simply didn’t understand or accepted all of these new labels being created, because, how can a n y t h i n g that is making so many people feel at home & identified be wrong? I don’t think it’s wrong, hell, I encourage it! Find your label, feel at home! I went exactly through the same sort of thing for my religion, when I called myself Aztec; many people call that just polytheist, but to me that could mean I believe in Norse, Greek, or any possible array of Gods, & no, I am AZTEC because I believe in the Aztec gods, nothing more. So having gone through that myself I understand why it can be important to find your label; it IS important, & it’s a wonderful thing.

I am terrified of those people that can think we’re creating all these labels for the sake of attention, because I know what being told that can do to a person, but that in no way means I discourage it, or don’t believe in it, or think anyone who chooses a label in the Queer spectrum of the LGBTQA+ is not valid; literally, never once did I say that. I love humans without caring about differences, I literally think ANYONE is valid as long as they don’t hurt others; I worry for those who are not at home with themselves being told ‘you’re doing it for attention’ because I k n o w what that feels like, I always worry about everyone else when I know that things don’t or are not going to fall badly on me.

In conclusion to number two: a) I understand the term pansexuality now, b) I think everyone is valid with any label they feel at home in, c) I encourage people to find their label & find their home.

NUMBER THREE: The thing I didn’t understand because I forgot about my past.

One thing you need to understand about me is that I don’t ever think I have any power over anyone, thus I failed to understand how people could be so absolutely offended by stuff I’ve said when I’m only a person on a computer that they’ll probably never even meet irl; if some stranger comes at me and tells me ‘you are disgusting, your sexuality is not real, you’re only doing it for attention’, I literally laugh to their face & tell them ‘It’s sad that that’s your opinion, I wish you would learn a little more, good thing you won’t be invited to my wedding, whomever it is to.’ Why? Because I am confident in my own self, I love my self, & I don’t need anyone’s acceptance or validation other than my own; I believe very strongly in what I believe in, so I don’t need everyone AGREEING with me about it, I am enough; the only opinions that truly matter to me are those of my parents ( who I am lucky see the world the way I do: differences are as important to know as horoscopes, you don’t go around telling everyone ‘I’m a libra!’ Human is human ) & my closest, closest friends. People online can call me things & they literally fall off my shoulder like dust.

I made the most enormous & horrible mistake of forgetting that not everyone is like me.

You see, I wasn’t born like this, I wasn’t confident always, I, too, at some point needed validation from the world in ways that are very personal & I refuse to put in public, & I forgot that, I forgot that there are some people that have so much self doubt that one stranger not saying outright ‘you’re valid’ can literally have a big effect on them, I know that feeling, I lived & felt that feeling from the moment I was born until I was about 14-16, which was when I found my ability to be confident in what I believe in, & because it has been so long since I have felt it I simply & horribly forgot that other people may feel it still, & for that, with my heart completely in my hands I tell you: I’M SORRY. It was really dumb of me to state my opinions so undetailedly & with loose words when not being specific could do what has been done here, hurt people, in ways I simply forget could be done. Blame my age if you will, but I genuinely didn’t think such things could be done online, only with people face to face or close to you; I f o r g o t what it felt like, I forgot my past, & I hurt people in the process, so I am sorry. You can be sure that from now on I will pay more attention to what I say for this reason.

Thus my conclusion about this is simply a genuine feeling in the direction of all those that I either hurt, or that have nothing to do with this situation but are reading this post: I am deeply & wholeheartedly sorry, you ARE valid, important, beautiful & wonderful people that I thought I had said endless enough times to make it clear I thought so, but I won’t ever make that same mistake again. I will r e m i n d you of how wonderful all of you are whenever I can, because you ARE wonderful & important, & valid in any way you are ( as long as you’re not hurting anyone ), you really are. & I love you, for all those people who are awful & have made you doubt yourself, I love you, & I’m sorry.

NUMBER FOUR: The request.

It is exactly for that, the heaviness & power that words have, that I most humbly ask you to be careful what you say to people; & that includes the very things I have been called. Yes, I am very confident in myself, & I don’t need the internet’s approval, which is why I’m able to be sad about this whole situation for nothing other than the fact that I lost some friends because they didn’t let me explain things; but just like I have discovered, you have to realise that not everyone is like that. Some other person you call a racist & phobic CAN end up feeling as awful as you felt when I didn’t validate what you thought in outright words. Racist, Nazi & Homophobic are VERY powerful words that tumblr has made seem like nothing, & they can hurt, so, I say, for the sake of everyone else, instead of i m m e d i a t e l y accusing someone of bigotry, racism, or phobia, I ask that you approach them, speak to them outright with a simple question, because, for all you know, this same sort of misunderstanding of lack of caring about words could happen, & big bad words are hurtful, too. If someone else in my position wasn’t so confident in themselves, they could begin to think of themselves as hypocrites or literally worse only because they didn’t word things right. So please, be careful, just like I promise that I will be.

&, again, I am most deeply sorry for all the hurt I have caused for my careless words; I love everyone, I assure you, I do, & from now on I will make sure any word I write says exactly that specifically. Please do smile at least once simply because you can, you are important & wonderful, & I PRAY one day you are able to see such a thing for yourself as well.

All the love, always ~Mel

#mel speaks #narnianetwork #narnia fandom #narniaedit #historyofnarnia #important

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mnemememory · 6 years

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blue-grey silhouettes

Yasha comes back, and Beau can’t believe how sappy she is about it.

(a 2k monologue about nothing much, really).

“So,” Beau says, leaning back in her seat and taking a long gulp of ale. “Where were you this time?”

Yasha’s grin is small and unexpectedly shy, thick makeup smeared in a way that suggests long hours on the road a little chance of a touch-up. Beau can’t even remember the last time she bothered with anything much, though Jester seemed to enjoy the morning routine.

Of course, after almost three weeks on the road with little respite, they hadn’t exactly bothered with what Beau considered “useless gunk that gummed up an otherwise pleasant day” and other people considered “good manners” and “proper form” and whatever. Example a) makeup.

Beau has dust imbedded into the whorls of her fingertips. She’s never going to get it out of the creases in her boots, no matter the fervency with which she scrubs the leather, so she isn’t even going to try. Beau has scrubbed a lot of boots in her lifetime, and no longer has the appetite for it.

“Here and there,” Yasha says, ducking her head and taking a mouthful of her own drink. Beau still can’t figure out if Yasha is being deadly serious or teasing – there’s such a fine line, and Yasha has the kind of awkward poker face that feels easy to offend. I know I’m not great with people, she had stumbled out, once, and Beau can’t forget the way her shoulders had hunched over until she’d appeared almost as small as Nott. Beau wonders about that, sometimes; about the weight of Yasha’s shoulders, the sculpted lines of her cheeks. She wears so much makeup. That’s an awful thick mask you have there, she wants to say.

But Beau has never been a hypocrite (well, never intentionally, shut up Xanoth), and she can’t bare the thought of Yasha turning her piercing grey eyes onto Beau and saying, Not as thick as yours.

There’s a sex joke in there, but the thought process is far too convoluted to even bother trying to explain.

Beside her, Nott makes a sound of absolute fury and stands up on her chair, waving around her knife with the fractured madness of a crazy person. Caleb reaches up to grab her, but Nott is too fast. She jumps up onto the table and points the knife to Yasha’s throat. “You always do this!” she says. “No! No! You’re so mysterious! Tell us where you were!”

Yasha blinks up at Nott – well, no, that’s a lie. She blinks straight ahead at Nott, because even standing on a table, Nott is barely eye-level. “Oh,” she says, face blank. “Around.”

At this point, six months into their acquaintanceship (and maybe five and a half months into actual friendship, though Beau isn’t holding her breath for anyone other than Jester admitting to it), Beau is half convinced that Yasha is doing this whole “oblivious” routine just to fuck with Nott. Wouldn’t surprise her if that was the case, especially when Yasha sometimes disappears without even a storm to herald her absence. One day, they’re going to take another detour to a bathhouse and find Yasha relaxing there, soaking in their absence and laughing at Nott’s fury.

Nott snarls at her, and then pulls grumpily away. She flings herself violently back into her chair, tipping it backwards. Jester barely catches it in time to keep Nott from rolling neck-first onto the ground.

“It is good to see you again, Yasha,” Jester says, steadying Nott’s chair and then turning her guileless eyes onto Yasha. Beau grins into her flagon. Out of all of them, Yasha seems most off-guard with the blue Tiefling. “You have been gone for longer than usual.”

“Yes, we were starting to worry,” Molly says, tipping his chair back irritatingly against the wall. He has more makeup on than Yasha, shirt open and hair swept back in a way that he obviously thought made him look good. Beau kind of wants to kick the chair-leg and send him tumbling to the ground, but she curbs the impulse with another swallow. Manners, she thinks in Fjord’s voice, uncharitably. “You were gone for longer than usual.”

“Oh, you know,” Yasha says, shifting in her chair and crossing her arms underneath her chest. Beau sets her teeth and keeps her eyes dead centre of Yasha’s forehead. Don’t be so obvious about checking people out, Fjord had advised in the Weekly Tips section of their apprenticeship. Go slow, talk to them first, and then –

Beau is going so, so slow with Yasha, because Yasha is equal parts awkward and terrifying, and also because it would be so, so easy for Yasha to just disappear and never come back. Sometimes, Beau wonders if it’s just an inevitability, and they’ll be living with the ghost of Yasha’s presence for however long they stay together. One day, Beau is going to turn and say, Yasha, stay with us, we need you, and Yasha is going to leave anyway.

Yasha’s face brightens, a subtle change in expression that lights up her eyes. “But I’m here, now. For a while, I think. He shouldn’t need me again for a bit after this last part.”

“Tell – us – what – you – do,” Nott hisses, gauging the knife deep into the tabletop. Caleb looks up from his book, looks at the table, and then goes back to his book. Beau thinks he takes some kind of sick pleasure in watching Nott break things. Not that she’s anyone to judge in terms of bad coping habits and inappropriate catharsis.

“Now, now,” Fjord says, coming back from the bar with another around. Beau grabs a flagon and shoves her empty one back at him, grinning low and wide. “No need to resort to violence. And Nott, that kind gentlemen over behind the counter asks that you stop destroying his tables.”

Nott gives him a dark look from behind her porcelain mask, teeth sticking out oddly from where the edge meets the skin of her cheek. Then she lets go of the knife and leans sulkily back into her chair. “Whatever you say, Fjord.”

Fjord’s face twitches slightly, the way it does whenever anyone insists on pronouncing his name correctly, but he covers it up well enough. “For the guest of honour,” he says, putting down another flagon in front of Yasha. “It’s certainly been a while.”

“Yes,” Yasha says, draining it dry in almost a single drink. “It has been.”

Yasha sleeps in Beau and Jester’s room, as always.

She takes the floor. No amount of insisting on either of their parts can convince her to swap out for one of their mattresses. She won’t even acquiesce to a bed, which Beau is only a little bitter about – she would be totally fine with sharing a bed with Yasha, no, really, you’re not too big, look at the size of this thing –

But alas, Yasha takes the floor, and Beau is left to grumpily settle down under the covers.

The rooms of the inn aren’t the best in the world – Beau has certainly slept in better. She has also, however, slept in far worse, so she isn’t going to be complaining. Especially not after three weeks on the road, with dust down her throat and rocks in her boots. And her pockets. Somehow, every time she had reached into her pockets, she had found them filled to bursting with rough sandstone pebbles that were hell on the inner lining. From the way Jester kept on laughing at her, and Molly had looked insufferably smug, she’s guessing that those two had had something to do with it.

Jester stays up well past midnight, sketching out something in that weird little book of hers. Occasionally, she glances up to where Beau is lying on her stomach, or where Yasha is sitting by the window sharpening her sword, and giggle. Beau doesn’t especially like that particular giggle, though she generally enjoyed Jester’s sense of humour.

“Hey,” Beau says, after the fifth time it happened. “What’cha drawing?”

“Oh,” Jester says, snapping her book closed with a flurry. “Just some pictures for the Traveller. I’m sure he will really like them.”

“Uh…huh,” Beau says, torn between general apathy and a vague sense of worry. After a few minutes, she decides that she’s probably better off not knowing. Yasha doesn’t even look up from her blade – at least, not that Beau can see. Not that she’s looking.

Jester just smiles happily and goes to bed. Kid can go out like a light. Beau finds herself once again envying her outwardly uncomplicated outlook on going to sleep – Jester’s head hits the pillow, and she’s gone. It’s been a long time since Beau’s been able to sleep without a good forty-five minutes of tossing and turning.

To pass the time, she glances sideways to where Yasha is leaning against the wall, eyes half-closed in meditation. Her breathing is even, synchronised with the soft shing of the whetstone as it glides along the edge. Beau finds herself dozing, blanket warm around her shoulders, watching Yasha’s powerful form illumined by the steel-grey streetlamps that brighten the dreary outside streets. The town isn’t a large one, but Molly had looked kind of desperate for a proper bath, and Jester had been so excited about getting a proper night’s sleep, you guys, that no one had really had the heart to say no. It wasn’t like they couldn’t afford it, at the moment – though Fjord always seemed to end up paying.

A while ago, maybe that would have bothered Beau – that she was bending herself to fit in with these people, that she was letting herself be taken care of. For so long, she’d insisted it to be unnecessary. Xanoth had been insufferable in his smothering. Every step Beau took behind those walls had been like lead, every breath in a binder. She went to bed and thought, I can’t live like this, I can’t. the walls are closing in, and someday I’ll be crushed.

Maybe it should have been harder to leave. Beau sometimes thinks – when she’s really tired, when she’s been talking to Fjord too much about “feels” and “empathy” and “having concern for other people’s wellbeing” and all that rot – Beau sometimes thinks that there’s something wrong with her. Because she had just gotten up one day and walked out.

Of course, it hadn’t been nearly that easy on the practical side of things. Dodging the search parties had been a pain and a half (looking back, stealing all that gold probably hadn’t helped her case of leave me the fuck alone) and sleeping outside after a lifetime of temperate-controlled environments had been…challenging.

Beau squirms a bit under the covers. Funny, that. After so long adapting to sleeping without walls, the presence of them was a jarring discomfort.

The first night, Beau had walked as far as her legs would take her. She collapsed onto the grass as night shaded everything dark, and then watched as the stars burned bright holes into the roof of the world.

“Can’t you sleep?”

Beau’s eyes snap open to stare at Yasha, who has put her broadsword and sharpening tools away, and is not leaning loosely against the wall. Her eyes flash in the background light.

“Huh?” Beau says, the culmination of years of better-than-average intelligence and expensive education.

Yasha’s lips twitch, though it’s hard to see in the dim light. “I can hear you. Shifting around.”

“Oh,” Beau says, clearing her throat. She sits up, stretching out her arms and trying for a grin. “Too buzzed, I guess. Sorry if, uh, I’m keeping you awake.”

“No, no,” Yasha says. “It’s fine.”

They fall into a light silence, Beau hyper-aware of the way Yasha’s head leans back to expose the pale length of her throat. Jester rolls onto her side and lets out a long, happy sigh. “Oh, Oskar.”

After a few minutes, Beau clears her throat self-consciously.

“It’s just weird, is all,” she says, picking at her fingernails. For years, she’d constantly worn bandages wrapped around the tips – a consequence of hundreds of tiny papercuts. Her tutors had been in a constant state of despair; How, Beauregard? they would ask. You’re not even supposed to open the books! Just place them in the correct position…

“What’s weird?” Yasha asks.

Beau swipes an uncomfortable tongue along her lips. “I dunno. Everything. I’ll be glad to be out on the road again tomorrow, that’s all.”

“You don’t like it here?”

Beau gives an awkward jerk of her shoulders. “We’re in the middle of nowhere. Too small. I prefer cities with real, uh, character to them. You know. Bigger.”

Yasha huffs out a quiet laugh. Beau hides her grin in her shoulder, leaning heavily on her knee to compensate. Please let me look natural, she thinks, internally cringing at her obviousness.

“I get it,” she says. “I think.”

Beau gives herself a small glance upwards. Yasha looks all kinds of unreal in the shadows, silhouette picked up by the window. Marble and untouchable. “I was in one place for so long,” she finally admits, letting out a long breath. “I don’t like stopping where I can’t see the stars.”

Yasha hmms. “Yeah,” she says, flexing her fingers like she’s trying to hold onto something that isn’t there. “I definitely get that.”

Jester’s voice floats across the room: “You know, you guys can just make out, if you want. No one if stopping you. I’ll even pretend to be more asleep than I am now, if that helps. Goodnight!”

Beau is half-convinced that she’s going to wake up with Yasha gone.

When she opens her eyes, they go directly underneath her window sill. At some point during the night, the large woman had foregone the inherent coolness associated with sleeping upright and instead curled up on her side, sword clutched in her arms like a very sharp teddy-bear. Beau should absolutely not find it as endearing as she does.

Sometimes, she thinks, hefting her pillow in one hand and eyeing Jester’s bed. Sometimes these kinds of things aren’t so bad.

(she totally wins the ensuing pillow fight).

#critical role #critical role campaign 2 #beau #yasha #beauyasha #beau x yasha #the mighty nein #fanfiction #my writing #series: breaking even #a little different from my last fic #(by a *little different* i mean *a lot* hahaha)#i love these two dorks #developing romance #slooooow burn #pining #first time writing beau and aaaah i'm nervous #*waves shakily to new fandom*#*hi me again*

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brilliantlyyours · 6 years

Text

Beautiful now (F!Trevelyan x Cullen x Dorian)

The F!Trevelyan x Dorian is completely platonic.

I had a thought at 2am about the Inquisitor and Cullen and Dorian being one big polyamorous family and here’s what happened.

2k words

It was utterly preposterous. That’s what Dorian kept telling himself, to ignore the fact that he felt so attracted to the idea.

The Inquisitor was a strange woman; he would go so far as to say she was the strangest woman he had ever met. She was also one of the sharpest, most delightful women he had ever met, for a southron mage. The Circle had done nothing to dim her wit or her spirit, he soon found out in his friendship with her. She was quickly becoming one of the few people he trusted, one of the only people he could spend hours with and not find himself bored. Not only was she a wonderful friend, she was an inspiring leader. She was turning the Inquisition into something he was proud to be a part of. Something he knew the Magisterium must despise back home, which only made him more gleeful.

She stood by him when his father….He was touched enough that she pulled no deceit when his father sent a letter to that priest. Not only did she tell him the truth, she listened, she came with him, she stood up to his father for him. When his throat closed, staring at the man he had aspired to be his entire life, the man whose image was poisoned the night he went from ‘father’ to ‘hypocrite’ she was there. She was furious, and she was there.

And she agreed to go drinking with him.

He hadn’t expected her to take him up on the offer. He made it in misery, fully intending to find the bottom of a bottle alone like he usually did, but she smiled a smile that was nearly synthetic and told him she had better liquor in her quarters.

So they closed the balcony doors on the winter winds, stoked the fire, and he raided her own personal wine cellar (he highly doubted she drunk enough to deserve one, but he wasn’t ungrateful enough to point it out) and sat leaning against her bed, passing the bottle between them. Dorian would be disgusted at his own behavior, but he felt a bit raw and couldn’t bring himself to care about swapping spit with the woman he was beginning to love dearly.

(And, Maker, if that wasn’t a terrifying thought).

They had finished a bottle before she got up, retrieved a folded letter from her desk, and handed it to him silently while opening another. It seemed she had received her own letter of disappointment, dated a fortnight ago, meaning it must have just arrived before their trip. Dorian didn’t bother to read the entire thing, as he could ascertain the purpose from the first three lines alone.

“Elena,

Despite the position you have been blessed with by the Maker himself, you continue to exhibit heretical tendencies and shame this family. You being born with the stain of magic…”

And he had to stop, lest he light the paper on fire. Stain, they said, as if her Maker-given gifts were something unseemly.

“Do you want to talk?” He asked instead, carefully setting the paper aside. She laughed, and empty, bitter thing.

“Not about that.” She took another drink of the bottle, an Antivan red, and passed it back to him. “You should have seen Cullen’s face when I showed it to him. He looked as if he wanted to get on the next boat to Ostwick to give them a piece of his mind.”

He chuckled at that, imagining her Commander’s face. The two of them were a surprise, but he supposed they weren’t at the same time. The escaped circle mage-now apostate and the former Templar. Varric will have no shortage of tales to spin after this was all over. He was happy for them if a bit envious of his dear friend. His many chess matches with the Commander had given him a bit of insight into what she must receive every night, and he did have such a delicious blush to his face when he got embarrassed…..

“You fancy him.”

The bottle froze halfway to his lips, as did his heart in his chest. ‘Lie’, his bones told him. ‘Don’t ruin the only good thing you have left.’

“Well, he is quite strapping, but I believe he’s quite smitten with you, darling. I doubt he has eyes for anything but those legs of yours.” A bit tasteless, not up to his usual talent, and the accompanying grin felt wooden.

Elena’s laugh was much warmer. “He loves me, Dorian, I know that. But I would be a fool to not see that he cares for you as well.”

Dorian knew he hadn’t drunk nearly enough for the world to be spinning, and yet it was. He kept his gaze firmly on the crackling fire in front of him, desperate to not see the inevitable look of betrayal on her face. The Commander, fancying him? Preposterous. She was only saying this to trick him into admitting his own attraction, so she could rage and send him back to Tevinter. It would be what he deserved.

And yet…

The Commander was a shy man, that much was obvious from the moment they met. His skill at chess was surprising, and their weekly matches gave Dorian a glimpse into the man behind the mane, as it were. He found someone he could only compare to a hero from a trashy romance novel. Strong, brave, kind, alarmingly clever. And he would be lying if he said he never imagined what he would look like under all that armor, what muscles he must have from wearing it all day long….

Dorian's face was flushed, and he decided that he had too much drink for the evening.

Anyways, his attractions didn’t matter. Elena and Cullen were two chapters from marriage and happily-ever-after. He wouldn’t be cruel enough to ruin that with his own messy emotions.

He was roused from his musings by a hand on his shoulder, and he turned to see Elena, closer than she was before, looking far too sober for his liking. “He cares about you, Dorian. I see how he acts when returning from your chess matches. He’s like a blushing schoolgirl. I would know; he was like that before the two of us got together.”

He chuckled. Everyone in Skyhold knew when the two of them were courting; Cullen was rarely seen without a blush for weeks. But it still didn’t matter. “Why are you telling me this, Elena? You won this particular fight, not that I even knew it was a fight.” He muttered, sounding more vulnerable than he was comfortable with.

“Maker, Dorian,” Elena giggled, “this isn’t a competition. I’m willing to share.”

He felt like every thought in his head came to shuddering stop. Did Elena Trevelyan, Herald of Andraste, Leader of the Inquisition, just offer to share the man she loved with him?

The situation was so ridiculous that he couldn’t stop himself from laughing.

“My dear, I do believe you’re drunk.” He commented, leaning his head back. Elena didn’t laugh, but she smiled brightly at him.

“I might be, but that doesn’t mean I’m not being serious.”

Firelight bounced off of her eyes when she looked at him, shining iridescent green. Dorian wasn’t the best at reading people, but she didn’t look like she was lying. It unsettled him. It excited him. It rather made him feel like he was about to be sick. Before he knew it he had staggered to his feet, whirling to stare down at his friend.

“What are...you mean….you want to share your dear Commander? With me?” He felt like he needed to pace, so he did, as quickly as his drunken brain would allow him on the rug in front of the fire.

Elena only stared at him with an amused, if fond, grin. “Why not? He loves me, he could grow to love you if you gave him a chance, and you’re my best friend. If I was to be in this sort of situation with anybody, I’d rather it be with you.”

Dorian felt like he did the first time he discovered necromancy. Disbelieving it could be real, daring to hope that he could have it. “The three of us...how would that even work? With three people? Would we all?” He trailed off, and Elena sprung up as quickly as she could.

“No, no, it's not like we would all be having sex. I know you don’t like woman and I would never force you to...no. Just,” She grabbed his wrist, forcing him to sit on the front edge of the bed with her.

“Your my dearest friend, and I love you. I mean, we share a bedroll whenever we travel, and we sleep together whenever Cullen isn’t here. We cuddle all the time when we’re around each other. We’re already….platonically intimate, I suppose you could say.” She shrugged.” The only difference is that you would also be doing romantic things with Cullen.” She waved her hand vaguely as if she couldn’t quite figure out how to form the words. Eventually, she stopped struggling, falling onto her back.

Dorian sat in a stunned silence before joining her.

“You would be alright with someone else being with your love? Kissing them, holding them, having sex with them?” He could scarcely imagine it. Three people? Or rather, one person in love with two people? He had no idea how it could work without numerous problems.

Elena shrugged, turning to look at him.

“He wouldn’t love me any less, that I know. He would just love another person, in addition to me. Like I said,” She reached down and twined their fingers together. “I don’t mind if it’s you. I know you won’t try to steal him from me or anything. Would you be alright with...sharing him with me?”

He let out a hard breath. “I...honestly don’t know. I’ve never been in a relationship before, let alone one with two people.”

She laughed. “It is strange to think about, isn’t it? But, listen, just picture it.” She shifted closer, laying her head on his shoulder, gesturing up to the ceiling with her free hand as if he would see what she was thinking of.

“A house, a white picket fence, a mabari, a few kids. I guess it’ll be weird for them to have two dads and a mom but,“ She shrugged. “They’ll get used to it. At night, the three of us will all curl up in the same bed, and he’d kiss us both good night. We’d be there for the nightmares, all three of us.” Her voice seemed to catch. “We’d have a home filled with love.”

Dorian realized all at once that this wasn’t the first time she had thought of it. He couldn’t deny that the idea was attractive. He wanted Cullen (and when had he started calling him Cullen?) more than what was wise, but he also couldn’t picture his life without Elena, now. He knew that, whatever she decided to do after the Inquisition disbanded, he would follow her until she ordered him away. His life would be incomplete without her.

It seemed like an idyllic dream. Fantastical. Impossible.

And yet….

“Have you spoken to Cullen about this?” He asked because he was the vital puzzle piece in this whole design. This foolish design that he was stupid enough to hope for because he was drunk enough to believe it would work.

Elena shook her head, hair scraping against his cheek. “I thought I’d ask you first, and we could approach him together. Though we might overwhelm him.” Dorian chuckled. He couldn’t help but feel sorry for the poor man; no matter how they went about it, they would ambush him.

“I think,” He began slowly, staring at the ceiling as she turned to look at him. “That we are both a bit too drunk to be seriously discussing this.” He felt her deflate next to him, so he hurried on. “But if you still want this when we’re both sober, then….” He turned fully on his side so they were both facing each other. He felt the word catch itself in his throat. A bitter part of him, deep down, that always told him he didn’t deserve nice things tried to hold onto it. It sunk its claws in and Dorian didn’t know if it was the alcohol or the love he had for Elena Trevelyan, but he still managed to say it. “Yes.”

She squealed loudly, throwing her arms around him and planting a loud kiss on his cheek. He couldn’t help but be swept up in her joy, looping his arms around her in return.

If there was anything Elena had taught him in his time knowing her, is that hope wasn’t always a terrible thing.

#dragon age inquisition #f!trevelyan #cullen rutherford #dorian pavus #polyamory #f!trevelyan x cullen #cullen x dorian #cullrian #f!trevelyan x cullen x dorian #this got away from me #i swear i got possessed in the middle of the night to write this shit

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dark-unimaginably-stupid-kids · 7 years

Text

Take the Edge off [Complete]

Fandom- Voltron

Pairing- Klance, Shallura, with some general “Everyone loves Lance.”

Rating- Mature (I mean dicks do not appear (if you don’t count the towel incident) but they are mentioned and there is a heavy make out sesh.)

Length- 11,716 words

Notes- It’s all in second person and I literally churned out the last 20 some pages between files at work and cleaning at home. So. Good luck. Also this would be Keith’s 19th birthday making Lance 18 and Pidge 16 but still very much treated like the baby of the group.

Warnings for technically under aged drinking but Lance has a point.

You don’t initially like the taste of it on your tongue, but you figure if he’s doing it then it’s got to be worth it, right?

It burns on the way down and you’re feeling even more inclined to stop, but you glance up at him through shy lashes and there’s that stupidly endearing smile on his lips and your heart thuds loudly in your chest and you just want to feel closer to him.

So you take another drink.

---

This morning you woke from bed planning to do just what you do every day in the castle of lions. Train, eat, train, save the universe from certain peril, try not to stare at Lance, train some more and pass out.

But somehow you’d lost track of the days.

Well, not somehow, you’d been actively avoiding considering the days for some time now. In fact, the second you got Shiro alone you were going to chew him out for even mentioning it to the others because why on earth—or anywhere else for that matter—would you want to celebrate your birthday?

You spent so many of them miserable and alone and it was just a constant reminder of your useless existence—

“It won’t be too bad Keith, I promise, you might even enjoy yourself a little,” Shiro says over breakfast while Hunk goes on about tonight’s “Party Menu.”

“I don’t want a party Hunk, I mean—thank you, really. Just. Can’t we just act like it’s any other day?” You try.

You try but Hunk just rolls his eyes at you, “Uh? No. Besides, we could all totally use the break. Just relax and enjoy it birthday boy.”

“No one gets out of being fawned over Keith, it’s your turn,” Pidge volunteers bluntly.

You spare her a scathing glance because you remember her birthday and how quickly she’d gone from, “It’s no big deal” to “I’m the birthday princess bitch!” after some choice “fawning” that you were absolutely certain was not going to work on you.

Just because she eventually got into it did not mean you would.

“It will be fun,” Allura pressed, the warmest of her smiles ebbing away at your very soul. Most days Allura’s overwhelming warmth was a welcomed intrusion into your head but today you quietly wished you’d never left your room and thus never had to look at any of them.

“Gah…!” you groan to no one in particular, vaguely resigning to your fate. The last birthday had been Lance’s and that had actually been a pretty great night spent playing games and laughing and—okay, maybe you just enjoyed the excuse to be around Lance while he was in too good of a mood to let himself get annoyed by whatever you could possibly do to annoy him.

Which was plenty, you’d been told.

Speaking of, “…Where is Lance anyway…?” you say out loud, awkwardly betraying the fact you’d been thinking of him.

Thankfully, the only one of your friends who catches the slip is Pidge who lets out a little throaty scoff and says nothing.

It’s Coran, over a mouth full of something that once resembled Hunk’s attempt at space pancakes, that answers you, “He ran off looking for the mice this morning.”

“The mice?”

Coran shrugged, “s’what he said.”

“Don’t worry about it Keith,” Pidge started after Coran’s words left you quiet and slightly confused, “I’m sure he’d never miss your party.”

None of them thought this statement was at all strange but you felt your chest cease up a bit and you really wished she’d stop.

…

It was her fault, after all, that you were so actively aware of Lance now. She’d come into your room one night, scared the artificial daylight right out of you, and went on a small very personal tirade sitting on the floor next to your bed before you could even register it was her.

“I think,” she’d said finally, “I think I’m ace.”

This woke you up and you immediately crawled off your bed to sit next to her on the floor.

“Well. That’s. uhm. Cool?”

“Is it though? I mean—I used to see people get a lot of flak for it. And I mean, just cause I’m not like… super into kissing anyone or anything doesn’t mean I don’t occasionally want someone to hold my hand or anything and like… wouldn’t my being ace… I dunno, turn people off to wanting to be like that with me? I mean. When they inevitably realize that I don’t… want…” She was so small here next to you and the doubt leaked into her voice so surprisingly easily you weren’t even really sure you were talking to the same girl you fought alien armies with.

Frankly, it bothered you tremendously, but you were not the priority that night, she was and for some reason she had come to you. So.

“Well first off you’re like fifteen and I don’t think you should even be thinking about sex,” you say, hypocritically because you’ve been thinking about it for years when you first noticed how attractive certain classmate’s lower abdomens were in the middle school locker room and how everything would get sort of fuzzy around the edges of your brain for a while after that.

But this was different because this was Pidge and in the short amount of time you’d known her you’d grown to see her as a little sister to be protected and kept far away from terrifying things like penises.

She laughed lightly and rolled her eyes but didn’t look at you.

“Secondly,” you continue, “Sex really isn’t everything. Pidge, you are brilliant and strong and kind and beautiful and someone is going to be made giddy just for the gift of holding your hand.”

“But what if they want more and I don’t—”

“Then they will respect you and not do anything or they’ll meet the business end of Voltron’s sword.”

She chuckled again.

You love that sound. Hell, you love any positive sound coming from anyone of your new family members, bonus points if you helped them make it. It made you feel like you were actually doing something right for a change.

“And third,” you reached for her hand, intertwined your fingers, and held it tightly in yours, “You can hold my hand whenever you want.”

“Yeah,” she laughed outright, a little snort at something she secretly found so funny, “Never have to worry about you wanting something from me, huh?”

Nope! Of course not because—

Wait.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You hope you sound as incredibly confused as you are rather than in any way annoyed or accusing.

“Well, cause I’m a girl, duh?”

You blink at her.

She blinks back.

“…Are you trying to tell me you’re still in the closet?” She croaked out suddenly.

Then it makes sense, why Pidge would come to you with this kind of thinking.

“Oh.” Is the only thing that comes out of your mouth.

“I-I mean I won’t out you or anything!” Pidge squeaked suddenly, probably realizing all the toes she could have been stepping on. Eventually you just shake your head.

“Ah. Well I mean. I’m not hiding it or anything I’m just. Surprised you knew? I mean, it’s not like I wear a big ol ‘gay orphan’ sign or anything.”

She flinched at your wording but you’re the one who said it so you can’t bring yourself to consider it.

Her turn to shake her head, “You actually kind of do though? Cause like- I could have sworn from the second we got all these lions together and started our great big mission to defend the universe that you were just—you know. Into Lance.”

Whoa there.

Whoa.

You’re being gay was one thing, not a new development at all, not something you actively felt the need to advertise because it was as much a part of you as your hair being black or the freckles on your shoulder. But being into Lance?

“w-where did you get a crazy idea like that?”

“The way you look at him?”

“Uhm?”

“talk to him?”

“…”

“study him”

“--!” was it getting warmer in here??

“You also get this really cute stutter sometimes.”

At this point you have to release her hand so you can cover your face.

“I-I don’t have any-any idea what you’re t-talking about.”

“That. That stutter. It’s diabetes inducing adorable and it only comes out around or about Lance. Keith come on, you can’t possibly expect…” She twisted herself to look at you head on but suddenly you can’t really think anymore.

You’re just.

Thinking about him and your heart might be beating a little faster and you are suddenly so fucking aware—

“G-god no I… I don’t…I can’t…”

Okay you’ve been in space for a little while and maybe your options on who to think about while laying alone in your bed at night may have been pretty limited and you knew it was wrong and you knew that their being your fucking comrades in arms really wasn’t going to make for acceptable ways to think about them so maybe you’d limited yourself to the one and maybe you thought it was safe because in the waking hours he was just too much of a pain for you to accept how stunning he was but then—

Then he started behaving and then his sarcasm and his jokes and his flirtatious tendencies became endearing. And he was interesting and fun and his smile could light up the room and grazing his arm while walking down the hallway together would send sparks of electricity down your skin and maybe your nights weren’t spent thinking about him aesthetically anymore but instead you were thinking about how he said your name and how his eyebrows would knit together and the sweet encouraging things he could say and—

“…I need to be ejected into space. Good bye Pidge, it was nice getting to spend this time together.” You announce, dropping your hands from your face and staring at the wall straight ahead of you.

She punches you in the shoulder, “Don’t even joke you can’t leave me here.”

You stare at her, sure that your face is conveying how distraught you are at the softening look on her face before you shout, “why the hell am I into Lance?!”

And then she grins.

You really, really wish she hadn’t.

“If it helps,” she starts slyly, “I’m pretty sure he’s into you too.”

You shove her so hard in the side she topples over, “SHUT UP. No he doesn’t. Wow. Pidge.”

Pidge rolls onto her back, holding her side and laughing like a small bespectacled hyena, “Oh my god you just did that. You should see your FACE.”

“PIDGE.”

She wipes the imaginary tears off her face and holds her hand out to you, her shoulders still shaking with her restrained giggles, “Still wanna hold my hand?”

You bite your lip, grab her hand and pull her back up to a sitting position. You don’t let go.

“You’re a jerk.”

“You love me.”

“I do.”

“Not as much as you love Lance.”

“Pidge. Please for the love of all that is holy don’t ever say those words in connection to each other ever again.”

…

It’s been a few months since then but your face still burns furiously at the stupid thing your heart decided to do to you. Pidge seemed to be doing just fine coming to terms with herself, and whenever she felt particularly affectionate she had no issues cuddling up to one of her boys, even Allura had gotten an awkward nuzzle that had surprised her but otherwise gone quite well considering Allura’s immense desire to bond with Pidge. But that was a different story altogether.

One your way out of breakfast, Shiro jogs to catch up with you.

You’re still prepared to slaughter him and grin broadly when he says he wanted to go train with you.

Yes, Shiro, let’s make it look like an accident.

Of course, you would never purposefully hurt your closest companion in the entire universe but sometimes you allowed yourself little innocent daydreams where you for once have the upper hand and he’s screaming uncle.

Especially when he starts talking.

“I actually told Allura about your birthday months ago. There really was no way to avoid it.”

“Really? Really? All you gotta do is not say it. Why was that hard?” You growl out.

He rolls his eyes, “Nah you’re right, clearly I should have lied and said you didn’t have a birthday, you are a figment of our imagination and thus were never actually born yeah?”

He nudges your side and you roll your eyes this time, “The correct response is, ‘It’s no big deal, you don’t need that information.’ Shiro.”

Shiro wraps an arm around your shoulders and though you’re still talking he pulls you back so you’re pressed against his chest. You can hear his heart beat, steady and strong and it’s so soothing to you it almost causes you to melt into him on the spot.

Shiro is alive. Shiro’s existence is the one worth celebrating. Shiro is warm and safe and so many wonderful things.

“It is a big deal Keith, we five paladins of Voltron are defenders of the whole goddamn universe and every single one of us is so incredibly important we should stop and thank the stars in celebration that we were all born. You, most of all, the one who fought so hard and brought us all together. You deserve a happy freaking birthday, Keith.”

Your mind wanders to Allura and Coran, sure that either of them could take your place if need be, sure that it all would have gone the same without you, maybe better without your emotional wreckage self mucking everything up.

But then Shiro kisses your forehead and you breathe deep through your nose and he smells like home.

“Enjoy today, okay?” He says, lips still pressed lightly to your skin.

“Fine.”

“Hey guys, is Keith being a big ol’ grumpy pants again?” Your heart jumps into your throat and Shiro pulls up quickly but doesn’t release his hold on your shoulder.

“When isn’t he.” Shiro started with a chuckle in his throat before changing the subject, “we missed you at breakfast today, Lance.”

The blue paladin stands at his ridiculous height in his ridiculous pajamas and nods, “had some stuff to do. Hunk saved me some grub I’m sure. Right?”

Shiro laughed and you pull out of his hold, for some reason painfully aware of how that might look to someone who didn’t know how close the two of you were. Despite, you know, Lance does know how close you are. It shouldn’t be an issue but you feel the tension ease once your adopted brother’s arm is off your shoulder.

“What were you doing Lance?” You ask carelessly. Maybe a little short. Maybe a little suspicious.

“None of your business, Mullet.” Lance answers back without missing a beat before clapping Shiro on the arm, “Alright, I’ll see you guys tonight. Enjoy whatever it was you two were heading off to do yeah?”

Then he rounded the corner and was gone as quickly as he’d come.

Your heart did not recede from your throat but you don’t think Shiro noticed.

...

You retreat to your room after sparring with Shiro. He works you hard and you are desperately in need of a shower and maybe a nap. Once clean of the sweat and your muscles are starting to relax you flop yourself down onto our bed wrapped in a towel and hear the faint squeak of a mouse that had been disturbed.

It’s the little angry looking blue one that if you were honest was probably your favorite of the three.

“Hey little guy, what are you doing in here?”

It scowls a little bit but reaches up with its little hands and you see there’s a small piece of purple felt stuck to its skin. It tries to pull it off with one hand but it just gets stuck to the other as it wiggles and tries to swat it off.

Must be some really soft material you think, before offering the mouse your finger and easily removing the cloth, one calloused finger against a little prickly rat paw.

The rat beams at you, offers its thanks with a bowed head, and then bounds under the bed.

A few minutes later it returns with more stuck to it and expects you to help him again.

“…” You do, of course, but this time you decide to follow him under the bed and there you find something extremely strange.

It is, for all extents and purposes, a small stuffed hippo.

The other mice as sleeping on it, one opening its eyes every time the little angry one tries to make himself comfortable and ends up getting stuck again. He rips his hand free and pulls the hippo apart a little more before realizing you’re watching.

“What do you guys have here…?” You ask finally before reaching under your bed and picking it up.

The sleepy mice get to their feet, startled at being tossed off their new bed and there’s some stuffing leaking out of the hippo’s arm were the first rat had kept trying to make itself comfortable.

The material is extremely sheer and not appropriate for being made into a stuffed animal at all, but the stitching is solid and its very clearly a hippo which brings a small smile to your face.

“Well. This is pretty cute…”

There’s a knock on your door and without waiting for a reply the person on the other side simply lets themselves in.

Its in this millisecond you remember you are only wearing a towel that is choosing just now to fall loose what with all your maneuvering to get the hippo out from under your bed.

You try to tighten the towel but only manage to pull it lose and the ridiculous shriek that breaks from Pidge’s lips as she immediately shuts the door behind her is something that will follow you for the rest of your days.

Until she says to the door and potentially those beyond the door, “NOPE. NOT TODAY. YOU SAW NOTHING.”

With your heart beating a mile a minute you cover yourself properly, put the hippo down, and turn to stare at her in absolute shock.

“…Pidge…”

“I’m sorry.”

“Pidge.”

“I’m sure he didn’t see anything.”

Your heart stops like it crashed into a wall at its breakneck speed, “W-who…!”

“He just wanted me to check your room for the mice. I’msorry.” She says the last bit without a breath and is still facing the door because she clearly doesn’t realize you’ve covered up again but that really doesn’t matter.

“Ch-check for t-th-the mice?”

Who was looking for the mice earlier.

Who was outside that door and got a flash of—

“….I need to be ejected into space.”

“Keith, no!”

…

It had been a couple hours since the crowning moment of your mortification shooting through the castle of lions roof and it probably should have concerned you that you hadn’t seen the object of your miserable affections since but you’re just too relieved that you don’t have to look him in the face.

“Am I—I’m not… unattractive or anything…right?” You mumble to Pidge over dinner. You two are the only ones in the dining room right now as for whatever reason everyone else is off doing “party preparations” and your dear friend Pidge, destroyer of your life, has opted for not leaving your side.

At your inquiry, she pauses over her space juice, straw between her lips.

Slowly, she opens her mouth in an almost slack jawed expression. She lowers the juice to the table and turns to look you straight in the face looking for all the world like you’d just grown a second head for a solid minute before she finally speaks.

“Keith…have you seen yourself?”

“Right…” you mumble dejectedly, “You’re right. I’m too pale. And short. And weirdly proportioned and maybe I’m not working out right—”

Pidge throws her now empty space juice at you, “WE ARE NOT DOING THIS.”

You flinch at the space juice but otherwise you’re sure your expression doesn’t change from your general dread and self-deprecating thoughts.

She seems to notice your sincerity finally and looks utterly dumbfounded.

“Oh god there is no way you don’t realize you’re pretty. No.”

“Pidge, I’m a guy. I’m not supposed to be pretty.”

She groans deep in her throat and turns her incredulous look up at the ceiling, “I can’t believe this. Look. Keith. I just saw you naked. There is nothing wrong with you okay?”

You look at her for another long moment before sighing and looking down at your plate of food goo.

You then jump onto the next train of miserable thoughts. What if there’s nothing wrong with you but Lance still just doesn’t find you attractive? What if you’re just not his type? What if it doesn’t matter if you were drop dead gorgeous like Shiro or Allura he just can’t stand you point blank. What if—and this was long shot because you were pretty damn sure about this one—he actually was straight?

You push your plate across the table and lay your head down where it used to be, “Yeah okay. I don’t even know why it matters it’s not like it makes a difference one way or another.”

“Makes a difference to what?” She asks you softly, noting your discontent.

“You know,” you start, the faint blush building in your cheeks judging from the vague temperature change, “Lance…?”

She scoffs, “Anyone ever tell you, you think too much about nothing?”

“Ouch Pidge.”

You nearly jump out of your skin as the object of discussion lets himself in to the kitchen carrying a large box in his arms.

“I’m totally not nothing. But I digress, what were ya’ll talking about me for?”

He puts the box down on the table and stares pointedly at Pidge who simply smirks at him in response, clearly trying to play off the conversation to avoid the point.

“It was just like I said, nothing,” she laughed.

Lance looked thoughtful for a moment before finally letting his eyes dart over to you and you feel your pulse quicken.

His cheeks darken just the slightest bit and he immediately looks away from you and back at Pidge.

“Oh, right. You guys are talking about what happened earlier right?”

Pidge twitches, clearly having hoped to avoid this. You start to rise from your seat, prepared to bolt out of the room.

“L-Listen, Keith, I didn’t see anything okay? Just. You know. Just a flash of white. Maybe a little bit of pastey ass but I promise it was just a second yeah? No big deal.” He laughed, put emphasis on the words “pastey ass” and scratched behind his neck.

You can feel your soul departing from your body as Pidge slams her palm onto her face.

“God you did not just say that.”

“P-P-Pidge. I’m gonna. I’m gonna go now. Okay? Yeah?”

“Keith no—”

“It’s no—nothing, we can hang out later okay??”

You can’t look at him. You can’t even walk out the door he came from and immediately turn and bolt out the back exit. As the door slides shut behind you Pidge starts to shriek and you can barely make out the words: “You utter IDIOT Lance!”

…

It’s another hour before Pidge is back to bother you again. Knocking on your door this time.

“It’s time for your little. Party. Family bonding time. Thing.”

You groan and pull a pillow over your head from your position moping in your bed.

“Come on Keith this isn’t optional, and you know it!”

“I thought we already got him to agree earlier? Did something happen?” That was Allura’s voice now.

You briefly wonder if you can crawl through the vents to the airlock.

But this is Allura, and Allura always wins. (You have high hopes for this war really.)

So somehow you’re sitting in the common room while Hunk offers you baked confectionaries, Shiro relaxes on the couch some paces away, Coran and Pidge are trying to rig what looks like small radio to play the music off of Lance’s phone while the blue paladin himself is sitting on the floor next to Allura taking miscellaneous objects out of one of the boxes he’d been carrying around earlier.

“Why didn’t you get the music set up earlier with the rest of us?” Lance called to Pidge absently.

You should have been paying attention to Hunk and his soft smile and all the effort he put into making cookies in space, but Lance’s voice just cuts through most things lately.

Pidge growls out her retort, “I was actually hanging out with the birthday boy unlike some people.”

Lance scoffs, “We’re gonna do plenty of hanging out now. Yo Mullet! You done over there?”

You cringe, noticing suddenly that your still vaguely holding a cookie and haven’t finished chewing the bite that’s sitting, deteriorating, in your mouth.

You swallow, thank Hunk, and then the two of you walk over to Allura and Lance who have set up a board game.

“Okay so I have no idea what this game is called but-”

Allura says something that may have been a cross between a sneeze and bird squawk.

“Yeah, that.” Lance laughs before continuing, “But! I figured a way we could just play Clue using the pieces.”

You raise a brow, “…Clue?”

Lance blinks at you and Hunk reaches over to place a steadying hand on your shoulder. There’s pity there, you note with vague annoyance.

“Well. This is gonna be a long night. Alright Keith, let’s talk about Mr. Body.”

…

Much to Lance’s annoyance, you win four out of the five rounds you play of the game. Lance wins the first one because it was mostly instructional. A small part of you wishes you could stop being a dick and let him win but once you get the hang of it you’re just having too much fun figuring out what’s in the little yellow envelope.

Hunk doesn’t really care about the game, too amused that you’re both playing female characters.

“Bro, they’re color coded. We have to be Mrs. Peacock and Scarlet. It’s just. How things are.” You mumble idly. Lance nudges you good naturedly in the shoulder.

“That’s Mr. Peacock to you!”

Hunk laughs, “You want to be Mr. Scarlet Keith?”

You look at him like the concept is ludicrous, “I’m totally fine with being Miss Scarlet.”

Allura takes it one step further by claiming Professor Plum but stating that a professor can be whatever gender and she has no obligation to specify anything.

Pidge shouted from the radio, “Mah Babe!”

The princess shot her a smile and a few minutes later what with the princess having suddenly inspired her, Pidge shouts again “Got it!”

And now there’s music, something Spanish you’ve never heard before but Lance’s eyes light up in that way that makes your heart race and he’s standing and pulling Hunk away from the board shouting that he should dance with him.

You stay on the floor, arm tossed over your bent knee carelessly while you watch them. Hunk is a little clumsy but he seems to be used to this while Lance is a flurry of arms and hips swaying to the beat.

You imagine it would make you jealous that he’s dancing with Hunk.

But you’re just so distracted by the smile on his face and occasionally the thrust of his hips that you can’t be bothered.

Allura coughs into her fist off to your side and suddenly you realize your mistake.

You feel the heat rush to your face and you peel your eyes away from the boy of your dreams, mentally rushing through words to try and deny how he’d just been caught ogling his teammate.

Allura just smiles that knowing softness warming your chest as the two very different heats rage in your system and all you can do is huff and wheeze like a deflating balloon.

She giggles, “Don’t worry about it Keith, I’ve known for a while. And honestly, Lance probably likes the attention.”

You choke and glance back at Lance just in time to catch his head turning back to Hunk, a laugh breaking out of his lips and it makes you weak.

…

You’re so tense you don’t know what to bloody do with yourself. You also don’t know where they got the sheet with the colorful dots and you absolutely do not want to play.

“Can you believe Alteans had Twister?!” Lance gleefully shouts as he lays the sheet down in the open space of the common room.

Coran interjects, “We called this game “Back Breaker Lite”, the full game involved specific poses on a third spinner that was just splendid fun! But they were a bit suggestive, when Allura wanted to play I had the spinner burned.”

The group takes awkward note of the bright grin on Coran’s face, but no one says anything.

Well, almost, but it doesn’t look like Lance can help himself, “I wanna see suggestive poses people had to do while playing Twister. I mean. It’s twister. It’s bad enough.”

Coran blinked at him.

You turned around and wandered back to the table covered in snacks and opt for chips this time. You have no idea where the chips came from, but they are not home made and look like your regular lays potato chip.

They are not, your regular lays potato chip.

You choke and shuffle for the closest cup of questionable liquid before downing its contents to try and sooth the burning in your throat. The drink somehow manages to burn more but in a very different way.

You feel the twitch in your eye as you look down at the cup and the big L scribbled on the side of it, decorated with one large slanted star at the end of the letter.

“Hey! That’s mine!” Lance shouts suddenly.

Of course, you know this now.

“What… what the hell is this, Lance?” You mumble, on second thought you realize he probably can’t hear you from his distance as you stare at the star and consider Lance’s signature, but when you look up there he is, right in your face, the game completely forgotten.

“It’s whiskey. I think. At least it tastes like it. If you wanted some you just had to ask,” Lance explains, taking the cup and casually taking the rim of the cup between his teeth.

As if that same rim hadn’t been in your mouth two seconds ago.

One of his brows raises suggestively for just a second and you imagine it must be in response to the shock on your face but as soon as you notice it it’s gone, and Lance is shuffling away with another cup in his hand and a sharpie in the other.

You realize too late he’s shuffling away because Shiro is suddenly perked up and walking over, “Whiskey? Lance?! You’re drinking!?”

Lance has wandered over to one of the boxes on the other side of the table and is kneeling before he takes one long finger and hooks it over his cup, releasing it from his mouth and rolling his eyes at Shiro.

You can’t see him roll his eyes, too distracted by his fingers, but you can hear it when he talks.

“The legal drinking age in Cuba is sixteen. Also, we’re in space. Chill Shiro.”

Pidge decides this is the opportune moment to slip herself into the conversation, “Oh! Can I have some then?”

Lance and Shiro immediately and in perfect unison shout back to her, “No!”

The girl sulks, “Fine then. I’ll just steal some when you’re not looking.”

“Left foot green Allura.” Hunk’s voice starts. Apparently, they’ve started the game without you and this makes you feel far more relieved than it should.

Allura is standing on the sheet with Coran but she waves at Pidge, “Pidge get back here, I need to put my foot on you.”

“Ha-ha, very funny,” but she returns to the game anyway. Coran is already making things difficult by leaning over Allura to put his right hand down on the farthest yellow circle.

“Lance are you playing?” Hunk shouts and you turn your attention back to him, only now realizing exactly what he’s doing as he is now holding two full cups.

“Next round for sure,” Lance announces. He makes his way back to you and offers you the new cup, scrawled across the side you can see the K and another star. It makes your heart a little fluttery, if you’re honest.

“I uh- I didn’t really…” You try but Lance simply pushes the cup into your hands. Finally you manage, “The chips were hot. I wasn’t…”

Lance blinks at you for a minute, putting the pieces together before he shrugs, “Well that doesn’t mean you can’t have any now. Besides I poured it for you. It’s yours now.”

If you’re really honest, finishing Lance’s drink earlier was already starting to make your head feel fuzzy. You don’t drink. So you say this.

And that’s when Lance’s eyes light up. Not in that unbridled joy or soft affectionate way but in surprise and understanding.

“Oh! Oh, okay. I mean I can just give it to Hunk that’s not a problem, you don’t have to drink it if you don’t want to.”

Lance reaches for the cup that’s still held in your outstretched hand but you reflexively pull it back. This confuses him. It confuses you too really.

But in that moment the only thought in your head is: He got it for me.

You take a sip, it’s slightly sweeter than what his drink had tasted like. It’s still harsh and biting, but you know there’s something else in the drink.

“Did you put space juice in here?”

Lance smiles. Yup, there it is. “Well yeah. I actually put in a little bit of effort for yours.”

You’re so unbelievably warm and you’re sure you haven’t had enough to drink for that to be the cause.

Then you realize Lance is drinking it straight.

You’re slightly frightened by this prospect and reflexively take a longer drink from your cup. Lance grins, “Is it good?”

You’re not sure how to answer that. It’s still better than earlier…

You’re sure you’re getting fuzzy though and you watch Lance take a deep swig from his own and the wetness on his lips as he lowers the cup makes you light headed.

You don’t initially like the taste of it on your tongue, but you figure if he’s doing it then it’s got to be worth it, right?

So you take another drink.

It is kind of good, you guess.

He licks his lips.

It is very good.

“It’s… Okay.” You feel something in your head just shut off. Your shoulders go slack.

“Cool. If this is your first-time drinking remember to pace yourself. Keep yourself hydrated and don’t drink too fast okay?”

You nod, and he continues quite to the contrary of what he just said, “Oh! We should totally play a drinking game after this!”

You try to tell him that is definitely not a good idea, but he ignores you for the sound of Pidge shrieking as Allura lands on top of her, Coran the only one left standing and cackling victoriously.

“Alright I’m in!” Lance then proceeds to finish his whiskey before slamming the cup down and shaking his head with a stupid little smile on his face and an attractive flush on his cheeks.

You lean back against the table then and watch him jump onto the pile of their friends, dragging Coran down with him.

Pidge shrieks again but it’s immediately followed by laughter.

Shiro eyes you curiously but doesn’t say anything about the way you keep your cup pressed to your lips and watch the next couple rounds.

…

You’re not sure what time it is or who’s the last to topple twister before everyone moves to sit in a circle on the ground to play Lance’s drinking game.

You’ve finished your cup and half a cup of water though you’re not sure where you left it. You really weren’t paying attention because your head was too full of the acrobat that was the blue paladin who only lost a round when someone else took him down with him and he was definitely giving Coran a run for is money.

Now they were playing never have I ever.

Which was fine. Simple. At first.

You informed them that you’ve never seen snow. Pidge had never owned a pet. Hunk never had one of those dreams where you went to school in your underwear.

“I did have a dream where I went to school with out my headband though! It was like being naked I guess.”

Lance glared at him, “It absolutely isn’t Hunk. It absolutely isn’t.”

But then it was Pidge’s turn again and she announced without a hint of shame, “I’ve never kissed a boy before.”

You wince.

Everyone else drinks.

Everyone.

Pidge stares at you bewildered. You try not to think about it, instead you consider how Lance did.

And your eyes dart to him and his eyes are shooting between you and Shiro and maybe if your head was less fuzzy you’d be wondering about that but you’re still just thinking about what other boy Lance could have kissed.

But then, of course, you were 900% sure they guy was bi. He could have kissed anyone, well before their trek out to space even.

“Guess no one has to question Keith’s sexuality.” Hunk jokes. Lance kicks him in the side though he knows Hunk doesn’t actually mean anything by it.

And the words slip out of your mouth before you can catch them, “Well I mean I’m gay so.”

Hunk is the only one surprised by this, “I guess you do…?”

Pidge rolled her eyes, “No you were right the first time. You really don’t.”

Coran and Allura eye each other like they don’t really know what the term “Gay” means and simply had no opinions in regard to boys kissing other boys.

Lance’s speaks next and he looks like he regrets the words as soon as they’re out of his mouth, “Yeah we knew that but how have you and Shiro not kissed yet?”

Shiro chokes on his drink which is more coffee than anything and tastes absolutely heinous. “Excuse me?”

You seem to have forgotten how to breathe.

“Lance! He’s like my brother!”

Lance eyes you then, his eyes somewhat sad. You’re not sure what your expression says to him but you know you don’t like where this conversation was going at all.

“I’ve never kissed Shiro,” You say with finality, not meaning for it to be for the game but Allura makes a show of taking a sip of her drink before smiling brightly in Shiro’s direction who goes beat red immediately. Clearly she does this to break the tension and she succeeds.

The circle burst into varied chuckles and laughs, and she looks quite proud of herself though Lance looks slightly confused and laughs the least.

Then it’s Hunk’s turn.

“Never have I ever… Gotten needlessly jealous and snuck whiskey into a totally wholesome party to chill myself out before.”

No one moves, confused by how specific Hunk had decided to be.

Lance’s eyes look a little darker if you think about it.

Finally Pidge reaches over and pushes Lance’s cup closer to him, “Drink up, Lance.”

You eye the blue paladin over the rim of his cup as he holds it up to his lips, shooting Pidge and Hunk dirty looks as he does so, “It’s not really whiskey, it just tastes like whiskey…”

While he drinks you eye his Adams apple and you feel your throat going impossibly dry again. You wonder why he was jealous. Then of course you remember Allura had at some point since their journey began kissed Shiro and you figure that’s as good a reason as any.

You sigh and idly take a sip of your drink while Lance takes his turn and it takes you a moment to realize why he’s staring at you like you’ve grown a second head.

“What…?”

“You have?”

“Have what—OH!” Right. Yes. You’re playing a game. “What did you say?”

“Never have I ever danced on a bar.”

You choke. You eye Shiro who’s back to looking like a smug asshole. You take another drink.

“Keith!”

“There are reasons I don’t drink I guess.” You mumble to no one in particular.

Lance shuffles off to his phone which has been playing music at a lower volume since twister and proceeds to pick a particularly up beat song and raises the volume

“Guys, new task, gotta get Keith white girl wasted and see if we can get him to dance on the table. Birthday special. Come on,” He announces. Pidge grins like the evil little gremlin she is and Hunk feigns a sympathetic glance while Allura, dear sweet Allura, speaks up.

“And who exactly would that be a birthday special for? Certainly not Keith if he ends up so far gone he can’t remember the evening!”

Suddenly, without any kind of warning, you’re reminded that Lance saw you naked today.

Lance saw you naked and said you had a pastey white ass and then proceeded to get jealous because Shiro and Allura kissed.

You only realize you’ve finished your drink because Allura and Pidge are both looking at you with different levels of concern.

Then Pidge shrugs, “Well I guess that means Keith is down.”

Lance grin’s and takes his little KStar cup for a refill.

You notice Pidge steals a swig of Lance’s currently abandoned drink when Shiro isn’t looking and you start to wonder if that’s a good idea or not.

It makes sense though, since Lance’s drink is the hardest.

No wonder Pidge is as far gone as she is on stolen sips.

You wonder if you’ve departed somehow yourself, if you’re behaving any differently. It’s been a couple years since the bar dancing incident where Shiro had to come save your drunk ass with your fake ID and your extremely low tolerance.

Perhaps your lack of alcohol consumption had built your tolerance?

No it goes the other way.

Maybe it’s just the fact it’s space whiskey so it’s not really affecting you much.

Lance sits back down, closer to you this time and you can smell his shampoo.

His face is just So. Perfect?

That jaw looks edible.

God it’s hot.

He’s hot.

The room is hot.

“I think I wanna change…” You mumble, fiddling with the hem of your shirt.

Lance glances down just in time to see your fingers tentatively lift your shirt off the lowest part of your stomach and you might have noticed him panic ever so slightly.

Then he takes your hand and pulls it off your shirt and places it on the ground between the two of you. Your not sure if you turn your hand around and give his a squeeze before being released or not. You might have imagined it.

“Okay never mind to that last thing…” Lance mumbles, placing your cup down on the ground, “When was the last time you had some water Samurai?”

You’re about to say you can’t remember when you eye Pidge’s little grin as she skims more of Lance’s drink, he’s attention so completely on you that he doesn’t realize. She even goes so far as to give you a thumbs up. Shiro might be nodding off against Allura’s shoulder so she’s getting more brazen.

Allura and Coran appear to have noticed this but don’t seem to care.

“Uhm…” You mumble intelligibly, having forgotten Lance’s question.

“Oh boy.”

“OH! I’ve got one!” Hunk shouts, turning all attention to him. Shiro’s eyes even snap open but he almost immediately returns to slumping against Allura.

“Never have I ever flown someone else’s Lion!”

You briefly recall the time you had to pilot Black to save Shiro after the wormhole. That’s fair, you guess. You take a drink, much deeper than you probably should have.

Lance looks concerned, “Actually, Hunk, I think we should—”

“My turn!” Pidge cackles, “Never have I everrrr…” She stretches the R and taps on her chin, “oh! Never have I ever thought Lance was hot.”

Lance cranes his neck back and looks at her genuinely insulted before realizing that everyone in the circle is drinking. (Well, sans Shiro who’s brows furrow at the movement of Allura’s arm as he’s clearly trying to rest.)

You even manage to giggle for a minute before you can swallow yours.

Lance’s blush is euphoric.

“Sorry dude, I’m just not into you, but look at that shit,” Pidge chuckles as everyone is putting their glasses back down.

Allura laughs, “Don’t get too excited Lance, it was before I noticed your ears.”

“He does have a rather nice face, doesn’t he?” Coran starts casually, like it’s the simplest thing in the world.

Lance covers his mouth and his fingers are spread over his nose and cheeks and you briefly consider reaching up and taking those fingers into your mouth.

Hunk is gushing about how amazing his best friend is before you hear your voice going without you again, “For a guardian of water Lance is pretty…steaming.”

Pidge chokes and hits the ground so hard she almost knocks over her space juice.

Lance’s eyes go wide as he stares at you. You shrug, but your mouth keeps going, “I mean let’s be real, am I the only one who’s daydreamed about—”

Allura lurches forward and covers your mouth with her hands, Shiro lands quite hard on the ground and snaps to full attention while the princess laughs and smiles like it’s all some big joke, “Now! Now, Keith, let’s get back to the game shall we?”

You look down, painfully aware of how similarly colored Allura’s skin was to Lance’s, and you try to ignore the heavy fluttering in your chest at the idea of Lance’s hand over your mouth as she pulls away and sits back down. While she whispers to Shiro to try and fill him in on why he was so rudely awakened all you can think about is why Lance could possibly cover your mouth like that. What noises he could be causing that he’d be trying to silence.

He’s also still staring at you and that’s not helping the warmth traveling down your body.

“Maybe we should stop playing?” Lance offers.

Hunk and the Alteans look slightly disappointed as if they’re only now getting into the game. Pidge is still sitting crouched in a ball with her head on the ground stifling her giggles.

So you shrug, “Never have I ever…” God everything in you wants to say something inappropriate and make Lance blush again but you can’t think of anything good. Then Lance taps his fingers on the floor, a sign that he’s impatient for some reason. You wonder why if he was trying to end the game.

Ugh his fingers.

Ugh his face.

Ugh his mouth.

It’s just insanely hot in this room.

You sigh, you’ll go for bitter and lonely instead, “Never have I ever made out with anyone before.”

Allura and Coran take their drinks nearly immediately. Hunk raises his cup then stops and asks, “define ‘made out’? Like are we talking kissing with tongues or like…getting handsy?”

Pidge is back up and nodding, “Yeah! Which is it?”

You glance at her, a fuzzy thought in your head, “Why would it matter to you Pidge? You’ve never kissed a guy.”

The girl nodded, “But you didn’t say guy you said anyone. And I have made out with girls. For science.”

You groan quietly before flopping onto the nearest thing, “Damn even Pidge has gotten more than me.”

You don’t notice Lance take his drink but you’re fully aware he did. The memory of the very pretty alien from a couple months ago actually makes your chest tight and you feel utterly miserable.

Then there is an arm around your shoulders.

And you realize you slouched onto Lance’s chest.

And his face is so beautifully pink.

And his pupils are huge.

And god if he isn’t the most gorgeous human.

That flush gives you new life.

That arm around your shoulders is too encouraging.

Lance offers you a smile and you feel the grin spread on your face, “You wanna fix that for me Lance?” You make sure your voice is low and sultry as the words leave your tongue and your eyes are half lidded as you stare up at the marksman.

You can physically feel his heartbeat increase its speed from your proximity to his chest.

Lance croaks, “Wasn’t there like- supposed to be cake? And gift giving? I think we got a little carried away with the drinking you know like. We should totally call it a night. Shouldn’t we? Anyone?!”

At this you roll your eyes and pull away form him, sitting up straight and reaching for your cup.

Lance eyes this motion and reaches for it at the same time that you do. His limbs are longer and you can’t help but be distracted by the stretch of tan skin so he gets there before you.

He immediately takes a quick gulp of it before thinking better of it and passing the cup down to Hunk, “You or Allura or Coran I dunno who I don’t care as long as it’s finished and it’s not in Keith.”

“Do you wanna be in Keith?” Pidge snorts.

Allura gasps and Hunk almost drops the stolen drink. Lance appears to be having trouble breathing. Coran shrugs and Shiro appears to be very much asleep in this chaos.

You shrug, “I don’t think so Pidge. Pastey isn’t attractive ya’ know?”

Lance chokes.

Pidge continues her ridiculous snort/giggles, “Keeeeeith. We’ve been over this. Lance is full of shit and you’re super hot samurai man.”

You whine and you spare yourself a moment to consider that it isn’t attractive but you don’t care as much as you thought you would, “No, you said I was pretty.”

“Well you ARE.”

“But what if he doesn’t like pretty in guys? That’s not how they’re supposed to be.”

“Well screw that, Lance, tell him you like pretty and tell him you like him.”

You don’t even spare him a glance, so enveloped in your debate with Pidge, “You gotta let this goooo Pidgey.”

“Guys! Back me up here!” Pidge shouted, turning to the others in the circle who’s faces resemble those of innocent bystanders observing a train crash in motion.

You groan and finally glance back at Lance. Rather, you have to look at Lance because all you want to do is curl into his chest and you decide you’re going to. When you’re comfortable you realize that he’s breathing very heavily and that his lips are drawn tight and his cheeks are stained red and his eyes are so—so dark.

Gorgeous boy.

Judging by how his hand reaches up and grips yours almost vice tight as soon as you think this, you wonder if you made the mistake of saying it out loud.

His other hand is at your hip and his thumb is just barely brushing the skin under your shirt and it’s setting your body on fire.

“I.” Lance starts, low, clearly difficult for him to say. He swallows, and his grip tightens just a bit more. “I like. Pretty.”

You tilt your head and stare up at him, pressing into his body all the more though this involves tilting your waist so your hip juts out and is even easier for Lance’s hand to grasp.

You remember what he said earlier and you remember your questionable self confidence but between the whiskey and the way his hands shake but he wont let go you feel pretty damn desirable right then.

“I- I like…” Lance starts again.

“Cake!”

Suddenly Pidge bolts upright, dragging Hunk up with her. He downs a large gulp of your stolen cup before handing what’s left to Coran while Allura is casually picking Shiro up into her arms and the lot of them immediately make their way out of the common room. You also briefly consider how this leads them away from the cake they seemed to be looking for but you don’t care.

Lance seems to have snapped out of whatever haze he was in though, “I guess we’ll give you your presents tomorrow?”

You’re disappointed.

But not for too long because you’re sure Lance is attracted to you now. Not sure how he could be but you know he is. And you know how his hands feel excessively hot on your body and you really just can’t be bothered for too much.

“Can’t I have one now?” You mumble against his chest, scooching up just a bit to press your forehead directly into the crook of his neck, nosing his throat.

“Oh god. Keith.” Lance squeaks before reluctantly pulling his hand away from your waist and trying to pull his body back from yours enough to look you in the eyes. His face is practically glowing and you note with a bit of glee that he hasn’t released your hand, “I mean yeah sure I could totally give you your present except the space mice stole it so the second I find it I’ll give it to you okay?”

You make a low whimpering noise before pressing forward just enough to watch him squirm with your breath against his lips, “But Lance…I want you to give me something now…”

You press your free hand against his chest, holding yourself up on pure abdominal strength now as your fingers feather down his body toward—

“Oh boy! No. Nononono. Keith you don’t. You. Hahah. You really can’t handle your liquor well can you? Oh shit. Why the hell did they leave you with me fuck.” He nearly tosses you off at this point, getting to his feet and throwing his arms up in the air.

You immediately mourn the loss of his warmth despite your earlier desire to cool yourself off with a change of clothes. How did drinking make someone so damn conflicted?

No, that didn’t matter that much.

What mattered was Lance throwing you to the ground like that.

“Guess I took it too far huh…” You mumble to no one though you can feel tears prickling your eyes. “I was right earlier, you don’t want me…”

Lance hears this and immediately stops his ranting and looks down at you.

He opens his mouth to say something but then his eyes proceed to move up and down your body, pupils blown wide.

Why is Lance so conflicted? He can’t look at you like that and not want you right?

Lance takes a deep breath and finally says as much, “God, Keith, yes I want you. Of course I want you. Look at you! You’re- you’re so fucking—look at those thighs man I—can we just take a second to like mass worship them? Like just—just take my head and crush it with them please. Please I would die a happy man. And your hips are just so hot holy shit. And you have quite literally the best ass I’ve ever seen dude seeing you earlier today almost killed me I can’t my tombstone seriously could have read “Here lies Lance, dead of exposure to godly ass” can you imagine? My mother would die and find me in heaven para darme un cocotazo por ser tan estúpido a morir sin siquiera tocar la—”

Lance paused, possibly at the expression on your face as you blinked at him your mouth slightly open, unsure why you found his babble switching languages to be so endearing but you did. He slams his palm down onto his face and drags it down, pulling his lip in the process.

“And that’s just. Sexually,” he chokes out, “don’t even get me started on how just unbearably pretty you are. I think I’d literally give anything to wake up and see your beautiful fucking face every morning on my pillows. And shit, I should probably stop talking but I drank just a little too much you know and now it’s just—cono—it’s just gonna be word vomit everywhere.”

You chuckle.

He collapses onto his knees on the ground close to you, “Don’t DO that!”

You laugh again, “What?”

“That! Don’t—don’t chuckle or laugh or hell—don’t even speak. Don’t open your mouth when you’re laying there like that and I can’t—I shouldn’t—ah god fuck carajo puta madre you can’t just—”

His lips look freshly bitten, probably in his frustration.

You wish it had been you.

You bite your own lip to make up for it.

Lance screeches.

“Okay. Okay fuck this. Keith, I’m sending you to bed.”

“Yours I hope.”

“God- Why did you drIInK so MUchh?! Fucken—Do this when your sober?? Please??”

You sigh and allow yourself to lay completely on the floor, stretching in such a languid way you can hear Lance whimper. “I probably wont…” you start, “I’m too scared to do this kind of thing when I’m sober I think. You’re just so hot and so smooth and you flirt with everything…How could I possibly have caught your attention?” You can hear him about to rebuke that statement but you keep going, “I drank because you were drinking. Wanted to know why you were so into it. Then wanted to not think. About you. And how much I want to do awful things to you. And how it felt like you’d never really look at me like that. And—"

You hear rather than see Lance officially reach the end of his rope as he growls out a simple ‘Idiot’ before your being dragged up from the ground and into his arms. Your chest already feels so light at this simple motion, but Lance does one better and slams his lips onto yours and its like a dam breaking. The heat pooling low in your stomach shoots straight down and your hands immediately find his back to dig into his jacket as a sign that you will not be releasing him any time soon. You press yourself against him so hard you can feel his length pressed against yours and you chuckle to yourself at the idea that neither of you appear to have a problem with whiskey dick.

With the chuckle he groans and you take the opportunity to press your tongue against his mouth, testing the waters. You aren’t sure what you’re doing is right you’re just going with your gut.

And your gut is screaming at you that you physically can’t be close enough to this man.

Almost shyly he opens his mouth to you and you set to work pressing as deeply into him as you can, practically devouring him. It’s so desperate and so rushed and so strong you’re both moaning into the kiss in seconds.

He pushes you back down onto the ground back first, your legs come up to wrap around his waist and he uses gravity to help press himself harder against you.

You can’t breathe and you don’t really want to.

You grind your hips up against his and his hands find the hem of your shirt before his fingers can properly explore. His thumb brushes against your nipple and you gasp. His other hand finds your hip bone and grips you tightly again, just like earlier, and while the first hand continues its feathery ministrations your moans start to come out high, desperate, small, needy.

You’ve never been touched like this before and you never want it to stop. You don’t like how your voice sounds but he seems encouraged by it, based on how he takes control of the kiss, takes control of your writhing, just—takes complete control of you.

And that’s something you do like.

You like that a lot.

You feel so small and meek to him and you love that. You want to be small for him. You want to be compliant and desperate and needy. You want him to know wat he does to you. You want him to know how amazing he is. You want him to take care of you and make you feel…all of it.

He’s not letting you thrust your hips up to meet his anymore but he is steadily grinding down against you and your lips have parted so he can trail kisses down your neck and this is absolutely your wildest dream coming true all because you got a little flirty with a cup.

Lance freezes.

God damn it did you say that out loud again?!

His hands retreat and he lets himself flop down directly on top of you, careful not to rub your erections together too much anymore while he lets out he most ridiculous noise—something between a groan and a whimper and a cry, you really can’t tell.

Then he kisses your neck, once, lips closed, “Keith, Please.” He kisses it again. “Please, please, please,” Again. “I am begging you.” Again. You’re going to melt. Lance doesn’t need to beg. “Come find me when you’re sober.”

Oh.

He props himself up on his arms and stares directly into your face, his eyes are still heavily dilated, but he looks distraught. This is, quite possibly, the hardest thing he’s ever had to do.

Pun intended.

You remember yourself.

“…But what if I forget?”

Lance’s face looks like he’s on the verge of a breakdown.

“What if this is your one chance to touch the butt and you’re gonna miss out?”

Lance whimpers again.

“What if…” You lean in close to his ear then, “What if… I forget this bonding moment.”

And just before he shrieks in outrage you run your tongue over the shell of his ear causing said shriek to come out in a ridiculous high pitched stutter.

“No though seriously, this is a concern, you’ll probably have to remind me.”

…

When you finally stand up—really stand up for the first time since the gang started playing never have I ever—you are immediately assaulted with vertigo and the whiskey now feels like a great big rock in the pit of your stomach. Lance’s arms are around you instantly and he works diligently to steady you as the two of you make your vaguely stumbling trek to your rooms.

You need to pee.

You need to pee holy crap do you seriously need to pee.

You’re glad the need to vomit has disappeared since Lance steadied you but wowwy has your bladder always been the size of a dime because that’s what it feels like.

You make it to Lance’s door first and purely on impulse to get to the closest restroom the fastest you place your hand on the door pad. Lance flails and attempts to catch you as you break away and make a bee line straight for his restroom.

When the door is shut and you’re sighing in relief you can vaguely hear Lance laughing.

God he just. Makes you happy.

Does the night really have to end?

You finish up, wash your hands, look at yourself in the mirror…

Your shirt is a little wrinkle and your hair is a little messy but generally you look normal.

You think about Lance and his ridiculous red face and the not subtle at all tent he’d been pitching their entire walk and it makes you giggle.

He’s perfect. He’s a perfect boy. He wasn’t even taking advantage of you despite how badly you wanted him to. Despite how you had probably already taken advantage of him.

It wasn’t like he was entirely sober. Sure, he seemed to have a way higher tolerance for it but still. He was drunk enough to babble that should mean something.

You should apologize.

You fucked up.

What if—

“Keith? You alright in there?”

You bite your lip but make your way out of the bathroom anyway.

Lance is sitting on his bed waiting for you, waiting to walk you to your own room. He looks so soft and so kind and so understanding. And you’re the son of a bitch who teased the hell out of him.

He ushers the two of you out and casually holds your hand, intertwining your fingers for the four foot walk from his door to your door.

When your door opens you panic.

“I’m sorry.”

Lance’s brows furrow as he studies you, “…For what.”

“For this. All of this.” You bite out, angry with yourself.

The boy you adore looks like he’s just been struck in the face, “Y-you…regret—”

Hold on no. No. Nonononono that is not what you mean that’s—

You lean forward and pop a simple chaste kiss on his lips and as you pull away you say you’re sorry again because that probably defeats the purpose.

“I don’t regret kissing you or anything like that I’ve wanted to kiss you for—well for a really long time. I just. I’m drunk. And you’re drunk. And I—”

Lance’s face is softening as he reaches out and grazes his hand over your cheek.

“Did I take advantage of you?” You finally manage.

Lance’s hand jerks to a stop before the taller boy smiles for a second and then starts to laugh. Then he lets his hand glide to your chin, tilts your face up, and kisses you again.

This one is longer than the last by a great deal, but it’s so much softer and you feel like your heart my burst, one hand stuck in Lance’s while the other is frozen in a loose fist between your chests.

When you part it’s only a couple inches as Lance is leaning his forehead against yours and his smile is still there looking perfect as always.

Then he says, “I kissed you first, Keith. And sure. It’s…pretty bad.” He chuckles lightly, clearly embarrassed, “But you definitely didn’t do anything wrong okay?”

He then motions for you to go inside.

“Go hop into bed, I’ll be right back with a glass of water.”

You do as your told, careful of the little purple hippo from earlier who still needs to be repaired at some point but your drunk self has decided it’s adorable and squishy and you are going to hug it until Lance returns.

So when Lance does walk in and finds you laying on your bed holding the hippo high above your head and shaking it around like it was in the middle of something you aren’t as embarrassed as you should be.

Especially when all Lance can do is babble about how positively adorable you are and how he’s never going to be able to sleep again knowing that there was this side to his Keith and—

That water looks so good.

You put the hippo down and take the cup. Lance sits down next to you and reaches for the hippo, casually giving it a once over before sighing over it’s battered arm.

“I guess it’s a Shiro hippo now. Totally not what I was going for.”

You throat is happier now, so you turn to look at him like he’s crazy, “What you were going for? You made this?”

Lance gives you an expression like he’s been caught doing something wrong and then bashfully turns away, dropping the hippo between the two of you.

“Yeah well. I wanted to try something. And when I found out your birthday was coming I maybe asked around…and yeah. Yeah I made that tiny purple monstrosity I’m sorry. The material is all wrong, I haven’t sewn in like six years and now thank to the mice he’s all damaged.”

You smack him lightly in the arm before grabbing the hippo and squishing it to your chest.

“No he’s perfect, shut up.” A bit of stuffing falls out of his arm as if to verify this.

Lance chuckles.

“I didn’t even get to wrap it…”

“Then we’re even.” You respond, thinking about how he saw you naked again.

“What?”

The other boy blinks a couple times before finally getting to his feet, “Yeah. Okay then. I should probably get going now.”

He leans over to brush your hair behind your ear, placing a soft kiss to the crown of your head, “Goodnight Keith.”

“G—Good—no wait.”

You really didn’t want this evening to end. You wanted it to bleed into tomorrow. And the rest of the week. And the rest of the month. And the rest of your life. You wanted to wake up in the morning and see the gorgeous boy in your bed and fine, fair, if you couldn’t really touch him but just—

“God, how do you call me that with a straight face…” Lance says, his face bright pink again.

You groan, because of course you were saying all of that out loud.

“Please stay.”

Lance is quiet for a few seconds.

You persist.

“It’s my birthday, please stay with me.”

Lance grins, “Oh? Using the birthday card?”

You nod and scoot back on the bed, tapping the empty space next to you.

He mumbles absently about pajamas as he glances at the door but at the sound of another whine from your throat his entire body seems to soften and relax, and he crawls into bed with you.

You curl up as close to him as you dare, the hippo still pressed to your chest. To your immense joy he reaches over and pulls you just a little closer before he ducks his head into your hair and breathes deeply.

He chuckles as a thought seems to occur to him and nuzzles the top of your head.

“Please don’t forget our bonding moment!” He says dramatically, and as you laugh he continues much softer, “So not a bad birthday, right?”

You grin against his chest, “Nah. Not bad.”

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ricarasasvada-blog · 7 years

Text

The journey towards rasasvada: the taste of bliss in the absence of thought.

It’s amazing, isn’t it? How our day can go from one of the best to one of the worst in a matter of seconds. How we can be so happy and positive one minute, then completely destroyed the next?

You’ll never understand a fear way beyond falling. You’ll never understand what it’s like to feel the heat of the flames when you’re spectating down below. Don’t tell me it’ll get better if you’ve never experienced it.

Nobody likes a hypocrite.

The truth that nobody likes to tell you is that it won’t get better. Psychologically, you just become numb to the pain. One of my best friends suffers from a killer disease and although his pain is daily, he handles it. He’s had open heart surgery at 20 years old, walks with a cane at 30, & lives with constant pain and seizures. It’s his “normal”, though. He always trucks on towards another day. His physical pain threshold is much higher than the typical person. The same goes for any type of pain: physical or emotional.

My psychological threshold will adapt as well. Eventually, nightmares and constant fear will become my normal, but they’ll be bearable.

I’m writing this bullshit in the middle of the night, the typical time these types of thoughts come about.

Exactly 7 months ago, my life flipped upside down. It’s something I don’t really talk about. There’s stigma. There’s shame.

It was somebody I was in love with. It was somebody I thought I was going to marry. I had a very abusive childhood so I’ve never been trusting of people. I’ve had boyfriends, but I was never really “in love”. This guy was different. I met him in the military. His dorm room was across from mine. His roommate was the one who introduced me to him. I’m not sure if “love at first sight” is an actual thing, but it was when I met him. He was a few weeks behind my WOT so we first bonded over our schooling and the fact that we had the same instructors. He’d kiss me goodbye every morning before school and we got to reunite after school at 1700. We would go to the chow hall together & then to the BX. It was our nightly routine. He’d get a big gulp that was larger than my fucking head & I’d get hot cheetos. We’d spend the rest of the night in his dorm room watching youtube videos on the projector he bought since we didn’t have TVs. Lights out was 2100 on the weekdays, but you could be in the hallways until 2110. We spent every second from 1700 to 2110 together until they came over the intercom yelling at us to go into our rooms. Leaving that base was hard. All of my best friends, my boyfriend, my favorite MTLs were there. My then-boyfriend ended up failing out of the medical program and was re-classed as security forces where he eventually discharged as well. He only lived one state away from me. It was only a few hours drive to see each other. We talked about getting a place and living together. I thought I finally found my happily-ever-after.

He made a spontaneous decision to come visit me in April. It was very urgent-like. I didn’t understand why he needed to come like right now. I figured he was sexually frustrated or something & I told him not to expect sex from me, but he reassured me he just wanted to spend time with me. He got here on the 4th and I met up with him at his hotel after I got out of my last class for the day. We went to the mall and ate lunch. I suggested we go back to his room because I had an impromptu speech to give the next day that required me to be up-to-date with current events. I told him I wanted to go watch CNN for a few hours so I can prepare for this assignment worth 30% of my grade.

We went back to the room and things turned ugly pretty quickly. I lost control of a situation I didn’t have much of a grasp on in the first place. He started reaching for my zipper and I used one hand to cover my pants button and zipper and used the other to swat his hands away. I tried to hold my clothes onto me, but he was stronger. It was a tug-of-war.

I told him “no” and “I don’t fucking want to” so many times that night. Eventually, I realized that nothing was going to work. Every time I put up a fight--every time I pushed him, he kept bitching that he “needed to finish”. I figured the best and fastest way for this situation to end was to just shut up and ignore the physical and mental pain for the time being.

I remember lying there limp and cold.

You’ll never forget the feel of an environment like that. It was a 110 degree day and we had the A/C as low as the hotel room allowed it to go. The lampshade made the color of the room a yellowish tint. It was erie. All I heard was muffled bed creaking and the voice in my head panicking: “yell” “why are you just laying there?” “I cant believe this is happening again” I watched as the color of the curtains changed from a white, to yellow as the sun set behind them. I daydreamed of what life was like on the other side of the curtains. People walking down the streets, cars zooming home from work, drunk tourists partying and having fun. Nobody knew what was happening to me. People were going about their day. Life seemed to continue when my whole world stopped. I realized at that point how insignificant my life actually was. When he flipped me and held my arms down, I watched some football movie on TNT. It was the cowboys and the redskins.

I watched his face when he pulled out and finished. I watched to see what must be so great about ejaculating that it was worth ruining my life over. He went over to the sink to clean himself up and I sprung up and tried finding my phone. I wanted to call a friend or the cops, but I couldn’t find it.

I cried.

A lot.

I was in a lot of pain. I’m sure I bled. My chest was throbbing from the bruises he put on me.

He laughed at me.

Now that I think about it, I think that hurt the most. In my most vulnerable, broken moment, laughing at me seemed like a good idea since raping me wasn’t enough.

He asked if I was going to report him.

And like the light switch that flipped from prince to predator the second I told him “no”, it flipped back. He apologized repeatedly as if it would erase anything he had just done.

I stumbled around trying to find my clothes. My eyes were too glossy and my mind was too empty to even remember what the fuck I was doing. I barely knew where I was. I felt drunk, but I wasn’t.

I put my clothes back on facing away from him. I was embarrassed and felt disgusting.

He wanted to know where I was going. I think he was paranoid I was going to go report him. & that’s exactly what the fuck I did. He followed me to my car, apologizing repeatedly. He kept asking if I saw “el diablo” when I looked at him. I put on a brave face and tried to not let him have the satisfaction of permanently scarring me. When I got to the stoplight, after asking myself “what the fuck just happened” a million times, I decided to call someone. I intended on calling my pastor, but I accidentally hit Facetime instead of the call button so I hit cancel & called somebody else instead. I didn’t tell him what happened, but that he needed to meet me at the hospital.

The drive to the hospital was the loneliest, most-broken mental breakdown I’ve had. My eyes were so glazed over, I’m shocked I didn’t crash. I was driving 10mph under the speed limit. I had no energy, no feeling. I ended up passing the street that I needed to turn down and didn’t realize it until about 5 miles later.

We get to this hospital. My friend hugged me. We were told that that hospital couldn’t perform rape kits and that I had to go to a certain hospital 10 miles away. My friend took me in his car.

When we got to this hospital, they took me to this secluded part of the hospital. They kept making me sign forms and shit. I had no energy, I was irritable. I was suicidal. I had no fucking interest in whatever they wanted me to do, sign, say. I overheard one of the nurses say, “we’ve got another one.” before they came over to me to put hospital bracelets on. They had me wait in this tiny ass room with my friend for about two hours before I got to talk to anybody. The only nurse that is certified to administer rape kits in my city was off work and had to wake up and drive to the hospital to see me. (spoiler alert: she was not in a good mood.)

When she got there, they took me into her office. Everyone in the hallways stared at me. I was depressed, my makeup was smeared, my hair was a mess. The had me piss in a cup to make sure I wasn’t pregnant. She sat me down and told me I didn’t have to tell her much of what happened-- I was relieved. I didn’t want to talk about it. I told her I didn’t want cops involved yet because my dad is a cop. I didn’t want him to find out. She told me my different options of rape kits. There are 4: a forensic one, a medical one, and two other ones I can’t remember. I told her I didn’t know and I needed a minute to just get myself together and think about my next move. She got frustrated and told me that I needed to make up my mind. I never gave her an actual answer, but I told her the idea of taking pictures of my naked body scared me. She figured that meant I didn’t want a forensic kit. Unbeknownst to me, she performed a standard medical one. She told me to undress and I started crying again. I was just violated like an hour prior, why the fuck do I want to do it again? I finally gave in after she continued to bitch at me. She got annoyed that I wouldn’t spread my legs wide enough for her. Everything she did down there hurt. She told me I was in pain because my uterus was tensed up from the trauma. I covered my eyes until whatever she was doing to me was over. She made me bend at the waist as she checked elsewhere. Then she made me lay back on the table and she gave me an injection in the ass to prevent STDs. She gave me some animal crackers to fill my stomach because she warned me that the morning after pill would fuck me up, especially on an empty stomach. After that was over, I got to put my clothes back on. I felt a sense of safety back. They gave me some pamphlets and sent me home. My friend took me back to the first hospital to get my truck and I went home. I was exhausted and fell asleep pretty quickly only to be awoken an hour later by nausea. I’ve never felt so sick in my entire life. I honestly felt like I was dying. My vision went black and I was stumbling around my room to the bathroom where I fell. I spent the next hour cuddled up with a toilet puking. My dad yelled from his room asking if I was alright, but I ignored him. I didn’t have any strength to speak. I couldn’t even hold my own body up. I don’t remember much after that. I’m sure I lost consciousness. I woke up a few hours after that and got dressed and went to school. I had to pretend that everything was okay. I couldn’t let people know what happened.

The following morning I started to view the world differently. I noticed the soft bubblegum pink undertones to the clouds and the sounds of bicycle chimes. I felt like I had been reborn, but under the worst possible circumstances. To everyone else, it was a normal Wednesday morning. I didn’t feel like myself. I was suicidal, but optimistic. It was conflicting, but I dealt with it.

I never coped with it. Everything is just now coming out which scares me since I have a career, my grades, on the line.

I had recently stopped cutting a month before the assault and wanted to keep my clean streak going. I didn’t want to give him the power of breaking my spirit and my sobriety. I turned into a completely different person, but not many people noticed. I displayed every major warning sign of suicide: I changed my appearance, I gave some of my stuff away, I lost interest in everything that had previously made me happy. I stopped playing the sport I’ve played since I was 4. I stopped dancing folklorico. I wasn’t sleeping. I don’t think I was ever actively trying to kill myself, but I knew if a car was about to hit me, I wouldn’t move.

I stopped going to church. I stopped praying. Its like the prayers in the words I spoke went unnoticed like drops in the ocean. Any request to free me from this trauma was denied. I understand the concept of freewill, but the God I followed so faithfully for 20 years abandoned me in the worst moment of my life. He was not there when bruises were put on my body by somebody who claimed to have loved me. He was not there when I was being held down by a man two times my weight. Nobody was there then and nobody is there now.

I asked a police officer that I knew what I should do. He assured me that my dad would not find out about the assault, so 5 days later I decided to officially report it. I sat in a Starbucks parking lot for half an hour before I mustered the courage to call 311. They dispatched a cop out to me and they met me inside. Somehow they knew it was me. They came right up to me. It was a female and two male officers. The amount of cops was intimidating to me, but I followed them to their car as they requested. The female cop asked me to get in the passenger seat and she talked to me while the two males waited outside. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know where to start. She didn’t know Spanish and I didn’t know how to convey what I wanted to say in English. I typed everything in notepad on my phone and showed it to her. She was the most compassionate person I’ve ever met. She talked to me heart to heart. She told me how she was in a similar situation when she was my age and she told me her story. It was comforting to know that what I was feeling was normal. She made me feel so comfortable and safe and I believe if it wasn’t for her, I would’ve killed myself that day.

The three cops drove me back to the hospital. The female cop by my side up until the detectives took over. I told the detectives about the golfball sized bruises on my chest and they wanted pictures taken immediately. The same bitchy nurse took me back to the room and made me undress again. I tried covering everything except the bruises for the pictures, but she told me I had to have my hands to my side. It was like a naked mugshot. I had to look at the camera. I had to look away from the camera. She took pictures from far away and up close. She held a ruler up for scale to each of the bruises. It was humiliating.

I was brought back to the detectives where they interviewed me. It was two male detectives. I’m not sure I would’ve felt any better if they were females, but I was shy and scared. The interview had to be recorded. They asked me every question under the sun. “How did you guys meet?” “Have you guys had sex before? How many times? Vaginally? Anally? Orally?” “What were you wearing?”

After the interview, the detectives drove me back to the Starbucks where I was parked.

Since, they’ve conducted 2 of the 3 interviews they said that they needed to do before contacting the rapist.

I felt horrible having my best friend sit through an hour long interview with intimidating cops. She has terrible anxiety.

I’m not coping well or I wouldn’t be writing this. I can’t seem to go a week without cutting myself. It makes me feel in control again. It makes me feel something. My arms filled with fire engine ladders at any given moment. My legs constantly compiled of rows of crimson perennial flowers blooming from their wounds. The majority of the time, I feel like I’m having a out-of-body experience and crave any sort of affirmation that I’m still alive. I find myself constantly replaying it in my head and trying to change the ending. I try to change the circumstances. Maybe instead of a scared 20 year old, we have a powerful, strong 20 year old that fought back? I’m not sure why I do this, but I’ve read of others who do the same, so here’s the simple answer: replaying a horrible moment of my life and trying to enjoy it or change the ending makes me feel better. It made me feel like I overcame it. Its like being scared of heights and forcing yourself to the top of a building. It’s uncomfortable and you hate it, but it puts the control back into your hands. I want to understand why every microscopic detail happened the way that it did. What did I do wrong? What if I would’ve done x, y, z? I’ve come to realize that silence is sickening and sadness is addictive. Eventually, it comes to a point where the comfort of the darkness leaves you more content than the warmth of the rays. I wake up every morning wishing I hadn’t, yet I don’t have a plan to kill myself. I wish my 2015 attempt would’ve gone through. I think suicide is highly misconstrued. People tell you that things will get better, but they don’t. People tell you you need to speak to a “professional”, but when you do, all they do is try to throw meds at you. Nobody listens anymore. Empathy is nonexistent. Being a therapist is a profession. They listen, but do they feel? I just want people to fucking understand. If you try to kill yourself to relieve your never-ending suffering, you’re “selfish”. The people that try to kill themselves don’t do it out of “hopelessness”. That’s bullshit. Death isn’t suddenly appealing, either. People who kill themselves do so because pain has reached an intolerable, exhausting level similar to those who will eventually jump from a burning building. People who jump from burning buildings are just as terrified of jumping as they always were, but the flames outweighed the fear of falling. Death seems less terrible than the two. Nobody desires to jump from a high platform and splatter on the pavement, but dealing with the flames is worse. Nobody from the sidewalk below who yells, “hang on!” understands the flame. They’re onlookers. Nobody understands the flame except the person feeling its heat. You have no idea what it’s like to feel a terror way beyond falling.

When you’ve dealt with suicidal thoughts and feel as if every day is monotonous, you know that there are certain things that can bring you back to your old self.

there’s something that makes you feel alive. (That isn’t self destructive) Little things. Things that make your pupils dilate. Things that keep you hanging on. Your purpose. For me, that’s children. I love helping kids. My eyes glisten. They shine like the sun amid a profusion of malfeasance and tenebrific constellations. A spark of hope in the darkness. I lost everything on April 4th--my dignity, my sense of safety--but on April 5th I gained the world. I gained a passion to help, an appreciation for life, a love of commonly overlooked things.

It truly is one of those things you have to go through in order to understand, but I hope sharing my story helped you see through the eyes of a survivor. Although its uncomfortable and difficult to comprehend, its important.

I’m still here. I’m still kicking. I know pain eventually weakens its sting. I have too many reason to stay. I love nature. I want to travel everywhere. I love people. I have a few people in my life that keep me hanging on, & if I gave you the link to read this, you’re one of them. If you’re wondering what you can do to help me, you’ve already done it. You’ve read this far. You know a fraction of my story and you cared enough to stick around until the end. Thank you.

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elletromil · 7 years

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Only love can hurt like this - Part 2 of ?

I am finally back with more of this Harry/Eggsy/Tilde story :D Well, not that Harry is in this part yet, but you know, we’re getting closer to that point :3

Tagging @insanereddragon @hulahoopingingthesand @sententiousandbellicose @solarrift @futuredescending @trekkiepirate

Only love can hurt like this

Part 1

Princess 🍑🍑🍑 - how do you feel on possible sex scandals?

He’s just finished a mission and crashed into the bed in his hotel room when he receives the text. He takes a moment to consider his answer, mainly because he’s coming down from his adrenaline rush and his thoughts can be fuzzy in those times.

🍳 Bond🍸 - as long as it’s about two consenting adults doing stuff together they both agreed on, i think they should be left alone and it shouldn’t even be called a scandal

Eggsy isn’t stupid, he knows why she is asking out of the blue. He knows that there is a risk one of her encounter will be leaked into the press and she wants to gauge his reaction.

They might never have put a name to this thing between them, but they are friends. If she feels half the way about him as he feels about her, she wouldn’t want to lose him because of something so stupid. Or at least, she would want to prepare herself for the eventuality.

🍳 Bond🍸 - why? you found yourself another James Bond? 😉

He knows the possibility of her sleeping with another spy is kinda low, but considering their tastes are pretty much the same, if she is to run across another of the Knight, she’ll probably want to climb them like a tree. Some of them might be posh gits, but they do wear their suit very well.

Princess 🍑🍑🍑 - not another one, no… I was asking if you would mind possibly being part of one?

🍳 Bond🍸 - valentine’s had cameras in his cells and someone got hold of the footage?

🍳 Bond🍸 - i thought the lube was weird, but really that guy was sick in the head

He knows he’s being a bit of a hypocrite since he spies on people for a living, but it’s one thing to do it to save the world and another to do it to get his own rocks off.

Princess 🍑🍑🍑 - not what I meant either.

Princess 🍑🍑🍑 - there’ll be a knock on your door in about half an hour

Princess 🍑🍑🍑 - your choice whether you let me in or not

Princess 🍑🍑🍑 - won’t be mad either way

For a long time he just stares at the phone in his hand, not even realising when the screen goes dark.

He’d be a liar if he said he wouldn’t like one (of many) more night with Tilde, but the thing is, he wants more than just fun between the sheets with her.

Unfortunately, what with him being a spy and her being a princess, that something more isn’t something they can have. At least not easily.

He’d be ready to put in the work, because he’s never shied away from his emotions and he knows he’s falling in love with her, but it doesn’t mean she would be willing to do the same. Her life is already complicated, he would completely understand if she’d rather not involve herself more than she already is.

Not to mention that their relationship wouldn’t be a conventional one and not only because of the distance. It has not been necessary for any of his missions yet, but he knows that it is more than likely he’ll be sent on his first honeypot before the year is over.

It would hardly be fair to ask her for the kind of fidelity society expects of people in a relationship.

Not that he really minds if she is to have other lovers. In another life, he might have had a different view on things, but really, their relationship as it is now is already better than nearly all the ones he’s had before. When she mentions a cute guy, he doesn’t feel jealous, only happy that she’s not focusing too much on her work. She needs a break sometime too.

Being that cute guy is a nice feeling though and really, he might want more and he’ll definitely discuss it with Tilde later on tonight, but he’s not about to say no to a chance to be with her again.

His decision reached, he makes sure that his glasses aren’t recording this time and goes so far as to put them in the nightstand drawer.

The handlers don’t need to see their naked arses again and he doesn’t want to chance them overhearing the private conversation he wants to have with Tilde later one.

Because he’s more than willing to risk it being the last time they share a bed if she isn’t interested in changing their relationship. At least, how he feels will be out in the open and he’ll leave with one less regret.

And unlike the many doubts he had and still has about how a very similar conversation with Harry would have went, at least he’s certain he won’t lose Tilde’s friendship if she doesn’t want the same as long as he respect the boundaries she sets.

His thoughts are interrupted by a light knock on his door and he nearly trips on his own feet in his hurry to go open it.

He doesn’t need to hear Tilde giggle at him when he ushers her in to know he’s grinning like a fool and maybe with someone else he would have been embarrassed, but it’s Tilde. If she wasn’t embarrassed to have called him in the middle of the night to yell nonsensically about some obscure kid story getting a new tv show, he sure won’t be embarrassed to be happy to see her.

“So I don’t have champagne but I figured we could raid the mini-bar instead.” He says it mostly so that no awkward silence can take place between them, not out of any desire to get drunk. Tilde isn’t interested in that either, judging by how she snorted in amusement before turning around and showing him the zipper on her back.

“Or you could help me out of my dress while I help you with your suit and we could go to bed early.”

“Or we could that.” He’s not even done talking that he’s got his hands on her, delighting in the giddy laughter he gets in reaction. “Yes, let’s do that one.”

Since it’s not unusual for Daisy to slip into his bed when he’s home or for him and Roxy to crash in bed together to sleep their bender off, waking up to another warm body cuddled up close to him isn’t that unfamiliar a sensation. The hand fondling his arse is kind of new though, but he cannot blame Tilde. He knows it sounds very vain, but it’s not like he can deny having a great arse.

It would be a shame if she didn’t make the most of it while she could.

She giggles - and isn’t that the sweetest sound in the world? - when she notices he’s awake and her caresses become more purposeful, fingers brushing teasingly over his crack.

He’s very tempted to take her up on her silent offer, but they really need to talk first.

Gently he grabs her hands so that she won’t distract him and has to kiss the tip of her nose when she pouts over being stopped.

“Not a morning person?”

He raises an eyebrow at her, because close as they are, there is no way she missed just how much of a morning person he is, but she shrugs in response even if her eyes now glint with mischief.

She grows serious again when she notices his expression and follows his example when he sits up.

“Is it the part where you tell me it’s been fun, but it’ll be the last time it happens?”

Now for all they’ve got to know each other through texts, it doesn’t make it easy to read her now that they are face to face. If he thought Merlin had a good poker face, it’s only because he’s never seen Tilde’s before.

He’s not sure whether or not that’s what she would prefer, at least for the just keeping all of this some fun with no strings attached, but if she doesn’t tell him straight up, she’ll be disappointed. He’s determined to have this conversation with her, until he finds out for sure if he can hope for a romantic relationship or should just work to keep their friendship as it is.

“No. It’s the part where I tell you it’s been fun, but if you want it too, I’d like this to be more than the start of series of hook-ups. Or just a one-night stand, I don’t wanna presume anything.”

A smile softens the hard set her expression had taken and he wants nothing more than to drag her close, but a smile isn’t enough of an answer, not for this. He settles for taking her hand in his, some weight lifting from his heart when she links their fingers together.

“So you want a relationship, yes?”

He nods and slowly raises her hand to his mouth, giving her plenty of time to break his hold before pressing his lips to her knuckles.

“I know that what with you being a princess and me being a spy, it would be hard, but I’ll put in the work if that’s something you want too.” He leans into her free hands when she runs it through his hair and somehow they end up half hugging, foreheads pressed together. “Because I love you and I’m well on my way to completely fall for you.”

He doesn’t know who closes the last of the distance between them, but for a long time after his confession, they just exchange sweet kisses.

“I’ve been falling in love with you for a while now. I want to see what we can make of our relationship. Even if I know it won’t be easy. I think you're worth it.”

I see a young man with potential.

I think you’re worth it.

They are not entirely the same words as the ones Harry once told him in a different life, staring at him in the mirror of a tailor shop. But he has no doubts they’ll become equally as dear to him.

Harry’s words has been about his potential, about finding pride in himself and what he could and would accomplish if given a chance.

Tilde’s are for him, the man he’s become and the soul he’s bared for her.

“There are some things we should talk about though.” It’s a shame to break the peaceful moment, but delaying that discussion can only hurt them in the long run. Tilde must agree with him because she shuffles back, just enough so that she can lean against the headboard. Already, he misses her being closer, but she keeps their fingers intertwined and it is a compromise he can live with. “It’s not just the distance that can make it hard, but well, I’ll have to go on honeypots sometimes…”

They are not frequent, but they do happen, even if Merlin tries his best to be thoughtful about who he sends. But they all knew what they were signing up for.

Tilde only nods at first, brows furrowing, but doesn’t seem upset.

“Well, even if you can’t tell me the details, a little heads up in those occasion would be nice. I mean, I’ll probably have to pretend I am dating other people sometimes just for PR bullshit.”

Her nose wrinkle with distaste, but he knows it’s more about the fact she is so scrutinized rather than the prospect of going on a date with anyone. If there is something he learned about her, it’s that she does like the thrill of the chase.

“It would be ok if it wasn’t all pretend.” He raises his free end before she can interrupt his momentum. “I mean, ideally we could be together whenever we want, but that’s just not possible. And I mean, as long as you are honest with me about it, I just want you happy. Even if it means seeing other people…” He trails off awkwardly, unsure how to make her understand what he thinks.

She doesn’t seem mad at him or anything, but it’s some time before she speaks again and her words are not at all what he expected.

“Is this about Harry?”

“What?”

“I know you’re still in love with him, but that doesn’t mean you have to agree to something like this. I’m not asking for an absolute claim on your heart and even if he was still alive, I’d trust you.”

“No, no that’s not it… Or well, yeah, I love him, I don’t I ever won’t, especially since I won’t ever know if-” he stops there, the words still too hard even after all this time. Anyway, Tilde knows already what he meant, that he’ll always be haunted by the possibilities of what might have been had Harry ever come back from Kentucky. She isn’t his confident for nothing. “But it’s just like you said. I’m not asking for a complete claim on your heart either. It would be ridiculous to think you won’t meet some pretty amazing people. And if you don’t want to do anything with them alright, but if you’d want to get to know someone better, well, I just want to know it.”

He wonders if he looks as awkward as he feels, while she gives him a searching look, but it’s not long before she nods and starts smiling again.

“Okay. I understand what you mean. And I am fine with it as long as you promise to do the same.”

His first reflex is to say that he won’t be looking, but the thing is, those things are unexpected. You can never know when you’ll meet someone fantastic you’d like to know everything about. It’s not because he feels like his heart is already full that no one can worm his way in there.

“Alright. But they’ll have to be okay with sharing with a Princess because I am not lying to anyone.”

“I never thought you would. And any prospective date of mine will have to be okay with my superspy boyfriend.” They share a smile and he’s pretty sure they’ll talk about it more in the days to come, but there is a mischievous glint in Tilde’s eyes that means it is probably time to move on. “Now can I go back to fondling your arse or is there more to talk about? I can only stay one more hour.”

They go back to the fondling (and more).

#eggsy x tilde #eventual #hartwin #hartwinde #eggsy unwin #tilde #getting together #polyamory #fluff #building relationship #kingsman #fanfic #me

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