#this is an accurate encapsulation of my last month

[geekgirles]

The Osamodas' Projecting and Shortsightenedness and Their Consequences

For a while now I've been thinking on what I think is the Osamodas' true Fatal Flaw, the reason why their manipulations fail to affect Amalia (aside from their true intentions being practically see-through), and chapters 6 and 7 have only served to confirm my suspicions.

The Osamodas' greatest weakness is their utter lack of understanding of their enemies/targets, in this case Yugo and Amalia, but moreso the last remaining Sheran Sharm.

I had already begun to suspect Aurora at least knew nothing of Amalia because of her debut in season 3. More specifically, her choice in suitors for the Sadida Princess.

Just look at the two of them. While Aurora looks smug and so sure of herself and her decision, Amalia is wholly uninterested and annoyed, even bored. Which already anticipates how much of a failure this dinner is going to be.

If introducing solely her relatives to Amalia didn't make her true intentions transparent enough, that is to say, to strengthen her family's hold over Sadida politics rather than trying to find a suitable partner for her sister-in-law; then the way Aurora describes Ashdur to her certainly does, as well as it illustrates how her and her family's understanding of Amalia is entirely superficial and mistaken.

Before introducing Ashdur, Aurora tries sweet-talking Amalia into the ambush (because that's the only way to describe forcing an unsuspecting person to meet up with someone during what should be an intimate family dinner) by saying:

"J'aimerais vous présenter quelqu'un qui a beaucoup de points communs avec vous."

"I would like to introduce you to someone who has a lot in common in with you."

Except that's not really how things are, are they?

Ashdur's introduction was short and anything but impactful, and yet it perfectly encapsulated the type of character he is: a brainless beauty. Yes, his muscular physique usually means he is at least conventionally attractive, but during his introduction all he does is pose cockily and flex, quite literally. The fact that Aurora has the nerve to say he and Amalia have a lot in common when that's all he does already highlights what the Osamodas princess truly thinks of her sister-in-law: in Aurora's eyes, Amalia is nothing but a pretty face.

By contrast, Amalia already has Aurora and her true personality pinned down, no matter how much she tries to hide it behind fake pleasantries and an emo haircut. As evidenced when she wastes no time pointing out Armand and Aurora had already tried the same thing with her brothers, or when she accurately deduces Ashdur is her cousin.

Whereas Aurora is incapable of seeing past her own twisted perception of Amalia, it's plain to see the latter only needed some time around her brother's wife and maybe one attempt at roping her into an arranged marriage to be able to accurately pinpoint the kind of person she is: a manipulator with no respect for her or her people and who only thinks about her own nation and position in court.

And this incapability to see Amalia for who she truly is is very clearly widespread all over the Osamodas royal family. As they all seem to look down and disrespect her even when such behaviour is wholly inappropriate.

(I'll never forgive the Osamodas King for having the nerve to openly refuse Amalia's request to send and ask for help when it was her kingdom that was about to be overridden by Wakfu-draining monsters).

But the funny thing is, in a very roundabout way, this all is sort of Armand's fault. As my friend @alittlebookdust once pointed out, due to his inability to let go of his jealousy and bitterness until their father passed on, Armand was very open in his own contempt of his little sister, even in front of other people, which goes as far as the first season.

Despite being overjoyed to see his sister return after months of absence, Armand was still not above reprimanding and looking down on her to the point of Amalia breaking out in tears in front of Eva and, unbeknownst to them, Master Joris. And back then their relationship was arguably better than the low it reached in season 3 and early season 4, since despite everything Armand was still the most torn up over her disappearance and didn't hesitate to be affectionate with her even in front of the court.

A stark contrast to his reaction upon her return from Inglorium, when he went as far as to neglect to inform her their father had passed away, instead cruelly getting her hopes up.

But I'm going on a tangent here. The point is, due to his lack of restraint over his own emotions, Armand's behaviour became key in shaping the Osamodas' view on the Sadida princess. They didn't see a fellow royal and warrior who is willing to do whatever it takes for the sake of her kingdom and the world, but a foolish, spoiled little princess who'd much rather go on some adventure than look out for her people. And so, they treated her accordingly because Armand never did anything to stop them.

You know something's wrong when your wife openly calls your little sister, whom you love despite everything, a weed and you don't do anything to stop her or have her show some respect at least out of respect for you and your family. Or when your father-in-law spits he doesn't take orders from her and the most you can do is tell him to listen to her, instead of pointedly reminding him he is an outsider with no sway over your kingdom daring to talk back to your princess and protector.

Even in season 4, despite mending fences with Amalia, Armand could go back to screaming and treating her less than ideally at the drop of a hat, such as when she brought up Yugo after the assembly or when he made light of their expedition to find out where the Nécromes came from. This last instant being a particularly glaring example because he had just defended Yugo as a trusted ally that could mark the difference between their survival or extinction to his father-in-law.

And at the same time, this exchange between in-laws also proves how the Osamodas failed to properly read even Armand, arguably one of the few allies they had in the Sadida Kingdom (besides the traitors from the webtoon, that is).

From their interactions, it's clear to see the Osamodas King expected that, by marrying his daughter, Armand would become easily influenced and maleable, someone he could mold into fulfilling his agenda. Throughout their entire conversation, all the Osamodas King does is belittle the Sadida Kingdom and question Armand's choices, while the latter smartly and effectively counters his people are better suited for war and hold a higher position within their world (by virtue of hosting the Tree of Life and, therefore, their survival being key in that of the other Twelvians) than the Osamodas.

And the fact that Aurora actually berates Armand for defending himself and his kingdom against her father's ill-concealed insults already comes to show she was sent to the Sadida Kingdom not to become his queen and partner, but to sway him to their side.

The Osamodas thought they could turn Armand into their puppet through a political marriage, but his own royal upbringing, pride and love for his kingdom proved them wrong.

And their being incapable of seeing past what meets the eye or, worse, their own prejudiced, arrogant assumptions might be what will inevitably prove to be their undoing in the webtoon. Because once again they're making assumptions, this time about both Yugo and Amalia, without really knowing either of them.

I'm still inclined to believe they're the ones behind Yugo's poisoning, even if I'm open to twists. Mainly because the way the story is going, it can either be revealed they're not responsible, or they can be feigning ignorance to try and turn the Sadidas against Yugo and Amalia only to later on be revealed as the masterminds after all.

Let's not forget how chapter 6 was not subtle about the fact that there are most likely traitors in the kingdom that've been reporting back to them, or how the Osamodas King very ominously said they must make sure Yugo loses the Sadida's support...all before it's revealed Yugo's poison isn't just extremely harmful to the point his survival is all thanks to his god-like status, but so maddeningly painful it's actually causing him to lose control of his powers and wreak havoc.

If I'm right and they are indeed behind this, then their impulsiveness and incapability to foresee their opponents' next move, only expecting the kind of underhanded tactics they would pull, is going to come back to bite them and put a damper on their plans.

Because by poisoning Yugo, the love of Amalia's life and all the family she has left, they've done the last thing they wanted, let alone needed.

They've pushed Amalia past her limit.

She was ready to entrust them with her kingdom.

They had won! Amalia truly held what she believed to be her brother's wishes in such high regard she was willing to try and honour them, despite how painful or wrong it seemed to her.

They expected her to hold onto power almost as desperately as they're trying to do, which, in their mind, justified going to such lengths just to get rid of her and her husband, the saviour of their world. Except that's not Amalia, that's them. So by poisoning Yugo, by failing to see Amalia would indeed do what she considered best for her kingdom and honour her brother's legacy, they have essentially signed their death sentence.

And even if by some miracle they were innocent, their actions, both past and present—Aurora's contemptuous and manipulative treatment of Amalia, their betrayal and abandonement against the Nécromes, their trying to drive her away from her people by usurping the throne, their refusal to even admit they did something wrong and apologise for their actions, always justifying themselves or shifting the blame—, already speak louder than words. Because Amalia has no reason to believe their innocence, meaning now she will hold onto the throne and fight them tooth and nail, with everything she has.

No matter what happens next, whatever fate befalls the Osamodas, they have no one but themselves to blame.

[yourfriendlyneighbourmikey]

10 Reasons why LFLS is so good and we love it so much:

1. ANGST for an otherwise silly fun cartoon. Silly fun cartoons need their dosis of fanmade angst, I don't make the rules.

2. GOOD ANGST. The theme ties with the story of Rottmnt perfectly, in my opinion (albeit if it took a darker path, but storywise, it's angst very well constructed and that fits fantastically)

3. The characterisation is INCREDIBLY GOOD AND ACCURATE. How does @eternalglitch manage to capture so well the behaviours and essence of the characters will always blow my mind. It's a difficult task, and it has been ACHIEVED, you wouldn't doubt for a sec that these are the characters from Rottmnt.

4. The pacing is SO TASTEFUL. It takes its sweet time when needed, it pushes forward when necessary. Just 👌 very easy to flow with the story.

5. The ACTION. There's its fair amount of action scenes in this fic, and they are GREAT. Action is also something you could struggle with writing, but LFLS know when to draw tension, when to release it, and overall, how to make order of the chaos that is a fighting scene.

6. It encapsulates the "show, don't tell" saying soooo well. I particularly LOVE IT SO MUCH. It allows for so much immersion in the story, characters and environment... I just have no words, I love it.

7. It DRAWS YOU IN. It doesn't matter if it has been 10 months since I last read it. When there's a new chapter, it brings you automatically back through the first lines. It doesn't matter of you've been out of the fandom for a while. It traps you again.

8. THE ICONIC SCENES. THEY SEEM OUT OF A MOVIE. SO WELL PLACED IN THE STORY. SO WELL EXECUTED. SO CHARISMATIC ON THEIR OWN. YOU KNOW THE SCENES, EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT SCENES I'M TALKING ABOUT. How do you come out with these.

9. The way the trauma is portrayed. I'm in no way an expert on anything similar, but it is so heartwrenching and believable while you're reading the fic. The slow transformation of Leo, how his trauma affects him in the different stages of the story... it's horrible and fantastic to see.

10. The fact that I personally feel that I should be paying money to be reading something like this. It IS THAT good.

[grasslandgirl]

I've seen you talk about your wc spreadsheet before but I just saw it again in your tags please tell me about your writing tracking

aaaa bec HAPPILY i will do so <33

i got the idea like a year and a half ago (abt the beggining of 2022) from my dearly beloved friend jamie @jlinns who's been doing wc spreadsheets for a while themself and recommended it to me !! the bare minimum gist is to keep track of how much you write month to month and then be able to compare across months and years-- which really helps me maintain motivation and encourages me by having concrete numbers to show i HAVE gotten some writing done even if i don't feel productive

for my spreadsheet specifically, i'm detail-oriented and an overachiever so mine is like. really detailed and fairly complicated lmao; i have a row for every project i've worked on this year (as well as some that have carried over from last year) and all wips are collected under fandom umbrellas within the rows (color coordinated) and then each row has a column for every month as well as a running total sum column for that wip specifically. and then each month has running totals across all fandoms/wips so i can compare how much i wrote in january to how much i wrote in june etc etc and then a grand total sum box that combines how many words ive written across all fandoms/wips across all months up to present !!

it's kind of complicated and i use a lot of comments on certain boxes to keep track of totals month to month so i can find the difference between the may wc total and the june wc total for instance (especially on wips that are older than this year- of which i have so many) and i usually do a round up and double check across every doc i've worked on at the end of a month to make sure it's all accurate and up to date before the month turns over and i start adding totals to the adjacent column in all my wips !!

EXAMPLE SHEET:

this is really just a copy paste of the real format i use for my sheet, with the real wip titles and wc information subbed out for examples and additional information-- up at the top is one of the sum equations i use! [=sum(e8:p8) which basically breaks down to adding together the values between the cells e8 and p8 (e being the "wc jan" column and p being the "wc dec" column) and 8 referring the the row that refers to this wip in question! all the other cells in the "wc gross" column have the same equations, subbing out the number 8 for the row in question on down the line. all the equations under the months in the "monthly total" row are pretty much the same thing only inverted, =sum(e3:e17) for january, =sum(f3:f17) for febuary, etc on down the line, changing the letter value for each equation and maintaining the same block of numerical row values to encapsulate all the wips logged in the sheet!]

writing it all down like this makes it seem more complicated than it is, it think ? and of course, if this is something that interests you, it doesn't have to be as detailed as mine is!! the important part is that it helps in the ways you want it to, and that the help isn't out weighed by the work to keep it up !! (mine doesn't take that much upkeep, now that i've got it set up the way i like it, to be clear! the turn over to the new year (and a new sheet) was kind of a pain in january, but that's only bc you basically have to clean it out and make sure you're carrying over all the pertinent information!) google sheets is pretty easy to manouver and control, in my experience, and they've got a lot of cool things you can do with equations once you've got information in the cells, and a lot of ways you can organize and structure the information to your liking

anyway. thanks for coming to my ted talk skfjvbnskfjbnskfbjsn i did warn in the post that inspired this ask that i could talk about my wc spreadsheet (my darling) for a long time if prompted skjvnbsfkb so thank you for prompting me to speak on it, bec!! i hope this was interesting and helpful for you, and for anyone who bothered to read all of this!! (and i'm happy to go into more detail/answer questions about it if you've got them/if i was unclear/if you want help putting together your own !!) xoxoxoxoxoxo

[h3lfaerie]

Hey peeps!

Just a fair warning in case you've been a little jarred by the rapid change in word count over the last few days - I'm doing heavy edits at the moment. Especially as I expand my vocabulary.

In earlier months there would have been times where I would have described something in simpler, more base-line English (because I was still figuring stuff out and that was my level at the time) whereas now as I read and learn and practice I find better ways to mould my prose as I get familiar with semantics and different literary devices.

(I'm still mad over Yak-Hide not actually meaning Yak's Ass...)

I've found that lately as I read, I'll find a phrase or a word or something that I wasn't familiar with prior that perfectly encapsulates a feeling or a situation I've wanted to describe formerly (ex. Instead of saying very lazy -> Torpid, Languid)

Obviously, I am not processing everything like that. There is a place for all manner of phrasing throughout writing in general, and I don't want PoA to be overly dense or overwhelming to read but whenever I find that there are things to add or edit or remove for better flow, I do so (especially with dialogue where franchise-accurate phrasing would likely be used, but I wasn't familiar with it until recently 🙃)

Aka the word count jumps around a lot atm. So, thank you all very muchly for your patience! <3

[redwhale]

Tagged by the lovely @abnerkrill . Fun way to start 2023!

3 ships: (Also continuing the trend of new ships in 2022!) Severance's Irving Baliff/Burt Goodman, House of the Dragon's Rhaenyra Targaryen/Alicent Hightower, and a two for one with Stranger Things' Nancy Wheeler/Robin Buckley and Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson.

1st ever ship: Unconscious shipping would have been Digimon related? Tai/Matt/Sora. Conscious shipping was Gundam Wing's... everything. Favorite was Zechs Merquise/Treize Khushrenada. (When fan-fiction gives you sex education waaaaay before your parents or your school does. Good lord.)

last song: Nancy Sinatra and Lee Hazelwood's Some Velvet Morning.

currently reading: About to start Tatsuki Fujimoto's Fire Punch. Bring on the depression. [ETA: I thought I knew what what I was getting into. Oh boy did I not.]

last movie: I finally saw Everything Everywhere All At Once! Yes, it indeed exceeded my utterly ludicrous high expectations, and now I'm having to reevaluate my Top 10 favorite films of all time.

currently consuming: Eh. Water.

currently watching: Bocchi the Rock! (my new favorite depiction of anxiety + stage fright/performance anxiety in media, with amazing animation and laughs to boot) and S2 of Abbott Elementary (accurately and depressingly encapsulating the teaching experience in a delightfully humorous way).

currently craving: Going to the cinema! I finally got to go recently for the first time in months, and I'd missed it so much. Wore my KN95, went to an early morning screening and lived it up.

Tagging if folks are interested: @selfconsciousfangirl, @drivingsideways, @sidewaystime, @squid-inspiration, @brightbluedot, @theyhaveacavetroll and @zutaralesbian.

[creacherkeeper]

it doesn't matter if your label is 'accurate' so long as its serving you

i've been having this conversation with a few people lately, so i thought i'd try to get my thoughts down. its something that i think about a lot as both a queer and neurodivergent person

i think that labels are incredibly important and life changing and meaningful. and i also think that, especially for things like queer identity and neurodivergence, labels are so startlingly made up and constructs of society, culture, and time in a way that we fundamentally cannot get around

many people have heard the term 'social construct' before. but a lot of people haven't really unpacked it. it's something that i think about a lot, because the labels i use for myself have changed a lot over my life, some of them because the labels i use now weren't around when i first starting feeling certain ways, but also because our conception of those identities have changed radically over the course of history, even in the recent past

an example: i first started feeling Gender Weirdness at age 5. i had no term or concept of it at the time. i stumbled upon a blog (like an actual one, not tumblr style) from a queer teenager when i was 12 and they explained the term 'genderqueer'. i felt immense joy and comfort that i finally had a word for what i was going through. flash forward to my freshman year of college, where a friend has to explain the term 'nonbinary' to me and that thats what people are using now. i think, huh, okay, i guess im nonbinary. 8 years later and i use the term nonbinary for myself (in addition to trans man), but still, in my heart of hearts, think of myself as genderqueer. because nonbinary as a term had not been invented yet when i first needed it (and, fun fact, the term genderqueer wasn't coined until the year i was born as well)

another example: i was diagnosed with autism when i was 19. there was no way in hell i wouldve gotten diagnosed as a young AFAB child, and only got diagnosed at 19 because i sought it out, shopped around for diagnosticians, and found one who had lots of experience with AFAB adults. now, 7 years later, there probably aren't any updated, current professionals who would deny i was autistic. because the diagnostic criteria and process, and the concept of autism, has changed so radically in the last 20+ years. btw, i was only diagnosed with 'autism' and not 'aspergers' because that term had been phased out months before i got my dx. i called myself an aspie for a small while and then decided i liked autistic better, because it included the whole community. i almost never see the term aspergers used as a self identifier anymore, but only months before my dx thats what i wouldve been called

this is basically my point: the terms we use are going to change, and the definitions those terms have are going to change, and who falls into what category is going to change, and there's pretty much close to zero we as individuals can do to effect that. and thats fine, and good, and the natural progression of human cultures

which means that the labels we're using today may not be the ones we use in 10, 20, 50 years and thats fine. maybe our experience and self conception will be the same or maybe it wont be and thats fine. labels are entirely made up social constructs that cannot possibly encapsulate all of human experience and variety. so instead of asking yourself if a label is accurate or true, ask if its serving you

does this label make me happy? does this label make me feel comfortable, like im at home? does this label put me around people i want to be around, and feel like i want to fit with? does this label bring me community that makes me feel safe? does this label grant me access to resources that will make my life easier, more manageable, more accessible, or more enriched?

when i was a teenager, i identified as aroace. do i still now? no. but at the time that term brought me a lot of joy, and comfort, and safety. it gave me time to process my feelings about gender and sexuality and trauma and abuse and all the other things i wasn't ready for yet. up until recently, i identified as butch. do i still now? no. but that label let me explore presentation and experience queer relationships. will i identify as a nonbinary bi trans man forever? probably not, if im being honest. but that set of labels is bringing me a lot of peace and excitement right now, and is keeping me safe during my transition. am i going to identify as autistic forever? maybe, maybe not. our knowledge is expanding and changing so rapidly, even in my lifetime so far, that i dont think things will be the same when im middle aged or older. but right now that identity brings me understanding and resources and community (and a job lol) so i am comfortably and proudly autistic. for right now. because its working

tl;dr: stop being so scared about whether a label is "true" or not. start asking yourself if that label can, for the time being, give you what you need. and if things end up changing, either terms or your conception of yourself, that's fine. don't try to fight it. this is a natural progression of both society and our individual journeys. let a label serve you, not box you in. they aren't fundamental truths about the universe, they're tools, so start treating them that way

[wromwood]

I watched the third episode of CBS Ghosts, "Viking Funeral," last night. The show definitely found more of its footing after the pilot, despite still having its faults. A few of the characters are finally showing their personalities beyond their archetypes... and some aren't. Here are my thoughts:

- The pilot had more visible instances of the ghosts doing group activities, entertaining each other with stories and songs. This matches what the BBC characters do during the entire run of their show: group activities that keep them social, active, and thinking. The third episode of CBS, though, shows that these ghosts have also adopted more desperate measures of entertainment, such as literally watching paint dry and (in the sneak peek of next episode) watching a spider spin its web.

On the one hand, the comments on watching paint dry did make me laugh. On the other, it sort of gave me the impression that the CBS ghosts are less... active/social than the BBC ones. We haven't seen the BBC ghosts resort to stuff like this just yet, or if we have, it's less memorable than them trying to have fun together.

- Jay continues to annoy me by guilt tripping Samantha with the point "I gave up my job, I gave up my friends," to do this project with her. Yes, it's conflict, and yes, conflict can make a story interesting/tense, but I just don't like it. I miss Mike and Allison, who are in it together, but approach Button House in different ways. The conflict between them is how one of them has to struggle with something (communicating with the ghosts) that the other can't. Their relationship isn't perfect, but while Mike makes mistakes, at least he and his wife have the same goal in mind. Jay, on the other hand, GOT INTO THIS SITUATION HIMSELF BY AGREEING TO TAKE LARGE LOANS WHILE HIS WIFE WAS IN A COMA. You did this to yourself, Jay, you don't get to guilt Sam.

- Sasappis wants Sam to cook specific food so he can smell the food cooking and experience it vicariously. That's a neat concept, and one that makes sense for someone who can't eat. Points to CBS.

- The plot of the episode is that they find Thorfinn the Viking's bones (in the yard) while working on the house. I find this pretty cool, as the only bodies we deal with on the BBC are the bodies of the plague ghosts, who aren’t main characters. Thorfinn's reaction towards his bones is pretty easy going (he's totally ok at seeing them and letting the living couple handle them) but it's cool seeing a more central ghost witness the unearthing of his remains.

- This episode addresses how there's a Viking here! Apparently they came down from Canada for furs. Don't know how accurate it is, but at least it's addressed.

- Wait, why are the ghosts annoyed that the project could be delayed for months? The pilot establishes that they hate the idea of the hotel. This confused me and it's never explained.

- During an "election" for ghost representative, Hetty (the fussy Fanny equivalent) refuses to vote because she believes the thoughts of her time: that women shouldn't vote because they aren't suited for it and it will mess with their minds. Alberta the flapper sits down with Hetty and talks about women getting the right to vote, specifically how it took so long to achieve and that people still tried taking it away from them afterwards. It's honestly a nice character moment, with Alberta communicating with Hetty as women from across time periods, and how Hetty learns to grow past her restrictive thinking....

... and it's interrupted by Flower the hippie, who jumps in literally just to shout about burning bras or whatever before leaving right after. Alberta even responds with something like an "... All right" before briskly moving on.

And that encapsulates this show's flaws. It's getting better at having the characters actually interact with each other as unique people, but it keeps undermining itself with awkward American sitcom humor. CBS really needs to take a page from the BBC and learn to depend on humor through character interaction.

- Ah, the "sucked off" scene. The same joke is used at CBS, just not as well. The delivery doesn't feel as good as in the BBC. Hetty is actually the person who used the phrase "sucked off" first, followed by Sasappis. They both don't know what it sounds like, but Trevor (of course) does. He begs Sam not to tell them. BBC wins because Mary's earnest and wistful delivery of the line just sounds more fun than Hetty's muted clipped delivery. Also I still don’t like Trevor.

- The cholera ghosts in CBS have different vibes than the plague ghosts in BBC. The plague ghosts were disgusting in appearance, but their personalities are quite friendly overall, if a little overeager for outside attention. (And there’s the bonus of the main ghost cast playing the plague ghosts) The cholera ghosts, on the other hand, look much more healthy than the plague ghosts with few, if any, blemishes. However, the show “compensates” by making them creepy in other ways. Apparently, the cholera ghosts are really unpleasant to be around in terms of vibes/scent, and they take delight in creepily smelling other people. (Also they’re played by different actors) The plague ghosts reign supreme here, as they’re just more fun to watch for me.

- Going back to the “election” subplot, that sequence does a great job showing more of Isaac’s actual personality. With fewer “I’m obviously gay jokes” taking up space in his dialogue (there’s nothing wrong with him being gay, the sitcom humor just grinds the scenes to mini-halts half of the time), you can ACTUALLY witness Isaac being petty, underhanded, and yet respectful of a good opponent. You can imagine what he was like when he was alive, and I hope we see more of that.

- Finally, it was only now that I realized what the main VISUAL difference is between the two haunted houses: Button House feels like an old house. It’s lighting isn’t very bright, there are lots of places for shadows, it’s big, it’s dusty. It LOOKS like the kind of place that’s falling apart, even if you can’t spot the wear. It makes you sympathize for the ghosts, who can’t physically leave, and Allison and Mike, who can’t financially leave.

The CBS house does not look like this. (Except for the kitchen) I didn’t get the sense of wear or age. It looks like it could use redecorating, and it’s got “old” wallpaper and decorations, but it doesn’t look as authentic as Button House. Maybe it’s because the CBS house is lit SUPER well.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. The third episode is an improvement, but the show still has a long way to go before it reaches the level of the original BBC program.

Let me know if you have any questions!

[creativeashproductions]

Banjo Riff // Platonic!Reggie Peters

IN WHICH: Luke rejects Reggie’s ideas for country music one too many times leading to the friendship fracturing and putting the bands future in question. Luke, with the help of his girlfriend the reader and his friends scramble to make it up to the bassist.

Warnings: Swearing, hurt!Reggie, Luke being an ass, fighting, angst, and fluff

Words: 3.2k

A/N: This idea has been sitting in my notes for MONTHS now. Song referenced is Lay Here With Me by Maddie & Tae (featuring Dierks Bentley)

TO BE TAGGED SEND AN INBOX/ASK PLEASE!

Masterlist

If there was one thing Sunset Curve, then later Julie and the Phantoms would rely on, it was the battle between Luke and Reggie. Since the conception of a band between the friends, Reggie had always wanted to play a country song. He had learned how to play the banjo in preparation, but Luke rejected both the idea and songs as always.

"You said our sound was vintage '80s and '90s rock music Luke. The band evolved into a pop-rock sound-"

"Because our band changed from Sunset Curve to Julie and the Phantoms. I love you, man, but there's no way we're going country." Luke finally snapped with a heated glare on his face. Luke didn't mean to snap so severely, but it happened.

Luke watched as Reggie's face completely dropped into the kicked puppy expression that tore everyone apart. Instead of making light of the conversation, Reggie mutely nodded in response before turning to grab his bass for the band practice. Luke's stomach dropped at the rather odd behaviour, but Luke blamed his response on his current writers' block.

"Let's start with Flying Solo." Luke proclaimed, hoping Reggie's favourite song would cheer him up. Alex's curious gaze bounced between the two other males in the band just as Julie wandered into the garage.

Before Julie could even question the tension, Reggie had started the beat on the pad stationed on the keyboard. The young female immediately jumped into the first rehearsal song with ease. Every attempt Julie was about to question Reggie's uncharacteristic quiet, the bassist started a different song.

"What's his problem?" Julie questioned as Reggie packed up his stuff and practically sprinted out of the studio. He'd rejected the offer of a pizza movie night.

"Luke here decided to be an asshole again." Alex's tone of voice was sugary sweet in comparison to the glare he sent his guitarist. 

Luke flinched at the furious expression on his bandmate's face. It wasn't a secret Julie and Reggie gravitated to each other in sibling bond. The two had been friends since infancy through their parents; Julie was there when the Peters started fighting. Reggie was there when Julie's mom passed away.

"Don't kill me!" Luke pleaded, scrambling around the piano from the intimidating Puerto Rican who had a solid punch. Julie's anger faltered at the guilt on the boy's face, "I was frustrated, and I shouldn't have taken it out on him!"

"What did Reggie do to deserve it?" Julie asked from the other side of the piano, acting as a barrier between the teenagers.

"He asked about the band doing a country song," Luke admitted with a grimace. His hazel eyes dimmed once more.

"What is your issue with country music? Your girlfriend is literally a country singer Luke!" Alex cried, stepping in between the two feuding bandmates.

Rock n' Roll Luke Patterson had been dating a well-known country singer for close to two years now. Luke had always been adamant that country wasn't all it was cracked up to be, but if you looked in the false bottom of the console in his car, you'd see a different story. Beneath the Eagles, Nirvana, AC/DC, and Gun N' Roses CDs, you'd find countless CDs of his girlfriend. He even had a playlist with a name that concealed the music in it.

Luke was a secret country fan, but he'd take that to his grave before he let anyone other than you know that.

"I don't have an issue! I don't think our band would benefit from branching into that music genre!" Luke argued with his bare arms crossing over his chest. Both Julie and Alex were about to respond when the studio gained another inhabitant.

"Would anyone like to explain why Reggie stormed into my house holding his songbook? He literally dropped it in my garage and tried to light it on fire?" You asked from the double doors with said book in your hand.

All three out of four members of Julie and the Phantoms recognized the book with a country landscape. The sight caused all their stomachs to drop at the obvious symbol of Reggie's hurt feelings.

"Funny story-"

"Luke Patterson...did you hurt his feelings about his love of country?" You asked through clenched teeth. Your response was Luke wincing at the anger blistering in your tone, "Did you ever think that country music is his comfort music? Fix this, Luke. Reggie, of all people, doesn't deserve your frustration."

You turned on your heel with Julie following in the attempt to find the forlorn bassist, most likely being hard on himself. You checked the beach house Reggie's dad had gotten in the divorce to no success. The school auditorium was empty, and so was the stable where Reggie worked part-time for the horses. You had returned back to Julie's house to sit on the porch to brainstorm.

"Isn't this the week he's with his mom?" Julie questioned with a furrowed brow. You could only shrug as Julie pulled up the calendar she shared with Flynn.

Reggie's parents had somewhat amicably divorced two years ago after attempts of reconciliation through therapy. Reggie had sat down with them to tell them how he felt with them fighting, if you recalled. They decided to do a trial separation for a few months and, in the end, had mutually agreed to divorce.

"I think Mr. Peters is taking care of his mother in a different state. She broke her hip, and now she's being moved into a retirement home." You offered the girl the encapsulated sunshine in just her smile.

"I suppose we'll try the Carter-Peters home." Julie breathed, bouncing on her feet to your car parked in front of her house. Julie's fingers tapped the screen in a chat thread she hadn't touched for months.

Your keen eyes easily read Carrie Wilson's name at the top of the thread that had been dormant since the end of their friendship. Apparently, Julie received little help in the frustrated sigh she released and the increasingly violent tapping of her screen.

"As usual, Carrie is no help," Julie announced with disgust in her voice. She squeezed the hand you placed on her knee before your hand returned to the wheel.

"One day, you'll have to tell me what happened between the two of you."

"Old news. Happened just before you moved back from Nashville." Julie once more avoided talking about the issues. 

It was the same response every time you questioned the friendship that had fractured in the few years you'd been in Nashville. Before you left, Carrie and Julie had been attached at the hip, and when you came back, they were at each other's throats. Well, mostly Carrie was because Julie had too big of a heart to stand up to her former friend.

"Well, the beat-up van is still there." Julie caught the van, more of an eyesore, to be honest, sitting in the three-car driveway. The van was shared between Reggie and Flynn as a joint gift from their parents when Reggie's mom moved in with Flynn and her father.

"We both know Reggie-"

"Would walk to work through his problems. The number of times I've found in walking downtown…" Julie trailed with a shake of her half up half down hairstyle she left uncovered by a hat. Another symbol of her finding herself outside the grief that had concealed her.

"Oh, thank god." Flynn moaned from the front porch with her headphones resting on her shoulders instead of her ears, "He's been playing his old bass that makes that odd high pitch squeak noise. I couldn't take it. Get him out!"

You opened and closed your mouth with the inability to find the words, but Flynn knew already, "Doors unlocked. He's in his room."

"Thanks." You informed the fashionable teenager before brushing passed into the house. Not much had changed since Reggie had moved part-time into the house; his parents shared custody.

Flynn was right; the sound of that screech was like a bread trail to the last bedroom in the hallway to the left. The door opened a smidge to reveal Reggie sitting in the dim room with just his bedside lamp on. He was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Hey, Reggie." You breathed from leaning against the door jam, "I'm not sure what Luke said but don't give up on writing. Your songs mean something, Reginald."

"Then why doesn't Luke even read my lyrics? He barely read the title of my last one before tossing it aside!" Reggie whined before taking on a caricature of Luke's voice, "'Home is Where my Horse Is'? Reggie, stop putting your songs in my book!"

You couldn't help the snort at his interpretation of Luke, "That's a...uh...an accurate voice?"

Reggie didn't even crack a smile.

"Okay, maybe don't push Luke's buttons but imagine turning this hurt into songs!"

"Okay. Can I be left alone?"

"Sure." You sighed, turning to leave the room again, "But first. Don't get rid of this Reg. You have good songs." 

You left Reggie's songbook on the dresser by his door on your way through the Carter-Peters household. Flynn sighed in relief when Reggie didn't continue using his old bass and even waved as you and Julie pulled away from the curb.

Reggie's eyes had stayed on the songbook you left on his second-hand dresser as if it would get up and bite him. All he could see was Luke rolling his eyes when Reggie had opened the book to show him a new song he'd written. Reggie was tired of only being known for playing bass.

"I brought you some leftover pizza." Reggie wasn't aware he'd been staring at the songbook for hours by then. He was only aware of Luke when he offered a peace offering in the form of Reggie's favourite food.

"I-"

"I'll go grab a soda from the fridge." Luke retreated just as quick as he had entered the bedroom. Seeing Luke was like rubbing salt in the open wound, and once more, Reggie's emotions flared.

Reggie was already at the fire pit in the backyard when Luke had argued with Flynn overtaking one of her sodas. The soda that had dropped on the back porch as Luke saw Reggie's fingers about to drop the songbook in the crackling fire.

"Reggie!" Luke shouted, ignoring the cold spray of soda on his bare arms. The hazel-eyed guitarist shoved Reggie away from the fire.

"What the hell, dude?" Reggie groaned, rolling onto his stomach to push himself to his sit on his knees. His blue eyes seeing Luke stomping the ignited corner of the songbook that had caused them issues.

"What the hell were you doing, Reggie?" Luke demanded with the songbook held tight in his grip. The glare on the messy-haired teenager directly pinned on his best friend, "Why would you try to destroy the book?"

"What's the point of having something our band won't branch into?" Reggie shrugged, moving to sit with his knees pulled to chest, "I've tried to keep the peace but Luke. I'm starting to understand why Bobby left the band."

Luke's heart clenched at the honesty Reggie was revealing, "What do you mean?"

"Screw the blood pact." Reggie grumbled, recalling the oath Alex, Bobby, and he had done to keep the truth from Luke, "Bobby didn't leave because he got an early acceptance into Juilliard."

Luke's eyebrows furrowed together, "What?"

"Luke...you tend to get possessive over the music we make. You brushed off Bobby's opinions, and we all didn't want to hurt your feelings. You've had a shitty time with your parents, but like Bobby, I feel like you don't appreciate our talents."

"What? Dude, you're killer on the bass! Alex's insane on the drums!"

"We know that. Maybe Bobby should have told you the truth on why he was leaving. I don't think you noticed but 

"Luke. The songs we perform are all written by you. It was fine, but then when Julie joined, all of a sudden, you were okay with someone else writing with you. But you've never even looked at the songs I've written."

Luke silently listened as Reggie rambled on about how he, along with Bobby, felt underappreciated by the guitarist. 

"And now you've been bit by the writers' block bug, but I think the band should take a break. Get our heads back on straight. Before we destroy the band, destroy our friendships." Reggie told his best friend with tears rolling down his face, "Just a week or two."

Luke's mouth hung open as Reggie circled around him to enter the household, but the telltale sound of the lock engaging broke the teenager. But Luke wasn't one to give up, so he created a group chat with Alex, Julie, Flynn and you. A single text that had all of them meeting at the studio.

"He quit the band?" Alex demanded, taking the songbook from Luke's hand, "What the hell?"

"One second he's in his room, and the next he's about to burn that! I may not like-"

"Luke, have you even read a single song he wrote?" You asked your boyfriend with your arms resting down on your knees. The boy in question half-heartedly shrugged with his eyes on his battered shoes.

"How are we gonna fix this?" Julie asked with a frown marring her pretty face usually lit up with sunshine. Her question was left to waft in the forlorn atmosphere in her family's studio.

"Give me that." You demanded towards the band's drummer with determination lit up in your eyes. Alex hesitantly handed over the songbook to your grabby hands.

The other individuals in the room watched as you settled into a chair with a stray acoustic guitar you'd left. Your eyes focused on the notes Reggie had placed around one of the unfinished songs. The soft melody was played a few times before you noticed Alex creating a beat with his drums.

"If I just tweak the song to make this piece the verse instead of a chorus." You mumbled under your breath with a pen scratching the paper. In a different colour, you jotted down the lyrics of a song you'd been working on previously. It was a song you'd struggled with the ending.

Alex huddled around you to add his own notes for the drums, "Definitely a song with a soft backing beat."

"Perfect. I just joined what he has with a song I'd given up a while back. The two songs are the last two pieces of a puzzle." You informed the drummer. Both of you unaware as Julie, Luke, and Flynn watched your brainstorming.

Luke felt out of sorts not being included in writing a song, but he thought it was suitable to not work on it. It gave Luke insight into how Reggie felt not being included in songwriting.

"I have an idea." Luke interjected with a grin, "Reggie's always wanted to see a real ranch. Do you think your uncle would be okay with us staying at the ranch?"

Your eyes flitted up to the mischievous hazel of your boyfriend's scheming gaze, "My uncle adores having people on the ranch. He'd enjoy teaching Reggie the ways of ranch life out of a city."

"How are you gonna get Reggie out to Nashville without it being band business?" Flynn questioned from her position on the couch, "He did just ask for a break from the band."

"Uh...I could pretend to enter a music competition." You offered hesitantly as you'd never actually performed on a stage for the group. You'd kept your personal life separate from your successful career as a country musician.

So you conspired with your friends to make amends with the bassist.

One Month Later, Nashville

The beat-up van pulled into a parking spot in front of a building. The band had seen the building in pictures on your Instagram. Alex, Luke and Julie all shared a look Reggie couldn't catch with his mouth wide open at the city.

"So, where's this competition?" Reggie inquired with his steps in line with Julie. The distance between Reggie and Luke is still noticeable.

True to Reggie's word, the band had come back together after two weeks of a break, but the bassist and guitarist's friendship was still fractured. A particular cloud of awkwardness followed each attempt; Luke tried to branch it together.

"Uh, not here. Y/N invited me to tour the recording studio she uses through her label." Luke offered to the confused bassist. As usual, Reggie barely cast a glance at the guitarist.

"C'mon!" Alex called out from the open doorway with the new addition of you by his side.

Luke was quick to nearly tackle you in a hug and a lingering kiss on your lips. The band all made sounds of feigned disgust. Even Reggie joined in the usual banter within the group.

"Hey, Reggie, do you want to see how us country artists do it?" You quipped with your arm interlocking with his. The cold leather of his jacket raising goosebumps on your arm as you dragged him to the recording booth.

As soon as he was comfortable on one of the spinney chairs by the producer's side, he watched like a hawk. The band had never been in a real professional recording studio owned by a label. It was interesting to everyone, but mostly they all watched Reggie's reactions.

"I was working on this song." You spoke from inside the booth. With a nod, your producer began playing a portion of the song.

"Is...is that-" Reggie was cut off by as Luke interrupted him.

"Your song? Yeah." 

Reggie stared at his best friend, "What?"

"You were right, Reggie. I didn't appreciate what you could bring to the band, and I'm so fucking sorry about that. You have excellent songs even if I'm not a fan of country music." Luke genuinely informed his best friend with his hands clasping his, "I want you. Both you and Alex to have a bigger role because we started this band together. We all share responsibility."

"So for now. Alex and I finished one of the songs you had written. I was wondering if you'd like to make it a duet? Release it as a single with a full writing credit."

Reggie absolutely beamed in response to your question. He was in the recording booth beside you in mere seconds.

For the week the band stayed on your uncle's ranch, Reggie was in the studio with you going over the song. It is a song you released as the leading single for your upcoming studio album with Reggie and cemented his career. It wasn't the last time you did a song with Reggie. In fact, he set himself up as a sought after country songwriter.

"Holy shit!" Luke shouted as soon as Reggie told him the success of one of the songs had brought interest to Julie and the Phantoms, "I could kiss you! I'll never doubt your skills!"

Reggie and Luke's fractured friendship healed with the promise of a yearly visit to the ranch in Nashville. Plus, Reggie impressed Luke and Alex with the banjo riff in a country song the band released on their third studio album featured by you. Reggie would always be thankful he had the chance to record ‘Lay Here With Me’ with you.

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[crqstalite]

Letters Home.

I made a mistake because this was originally meant to answer a prompt fill and then I forgot about it until now. So I tweaked it, but it still works I think.

I would rather not think about the fact the current majority of writing I've done for Lali and Joker is very angsty. That'll change, eventually, but it was begging to be written so here we are. It's a little shaky since I've written Joker himself maybe a grand total of three times but I'm happy enough with it.

Post-Thessia, minor (major?) character death mentioned. Lali/Joker.

"There's a new Blasto movie coming out, it doesn't look a lot better than the last one, but it'd be great to see with you when you're home again."

Her green eyes are still bright, her grin wide while she falls back on the collection of pillows decorating her bed. Her concerns then must've extended about as far as what was for dinner that evening, or tomorrow's assignment. Blasto wasn't one of her favorites, he knew that every time they'd watched one together, but she'd sat through every single one because it made him happy. Not that she didn't complain the entire time though.

It'd been a while since he'd been fifteen himself, but those concerns shouldn't have included Reapers in them.

"You must know about all the inaccuracies in the movies, huh? With the Council and stuff this has to be hilarious to you."

Joker isn't sure what feeling to name the one that's threatening to consume him while Hilary continues talking, rattling off that week's events. Teachers, classmates, her chores around the house.

The vidmail just seemed so normal. Everything had seemed perfectly fine when he'd checked in on them after they'd left Earth. Maybe that was an overstatement, nothing would've been fine but it was still manageable then. His father and his younger sister had intended to bunker down for as long as they had to, as long as they could while he'd promised them to try and get them off Tiptree. Nothing had seemed off. Nothing had seemed wrong. He thought they'd have time.

Six months later and he'd proved himself wrong. Time was in shorter and shorter supply. By the time he could turn his attention fully back to finding them nearly a week ago to do anything more about their situation, it'd been too late. He'd heard it over the extranet, part the long list of colony worlds flashing red every other hour. His blood had run cold while he'd hoped, prayed he wouldn't find his homeworld among the lost.

The galaxy felt like it stopped spinning when he did. In big, bright red letters, it'd said Tiptree, and he...it'd all felt like a bad dream then. That he'd look back and see it was some other colony out in the Traverse. Not his. It couldn't. It shouldn't have. It was so far outside of normal trade routes that it didn't make sense for the Reapers to seize it.

Yet they'd done so anyway. The last communications had gone out the day prior, and had stretched into silence since then. Where he'd be expecting a call today, instead his missed messages have remained dark. His 'tool won't connect to his father's, or Hilary's.

He almost misses when the door behind him opens, his hand missing the pause button on the video while he scrambles for it. He doesn't get a great glance over his shoulder, but it's enough for him to try and get his emotions back in check long enough to hold a conversation, "Shepard? Look, I'm sorry for what I said earlier."

"You've got the wrong Shepard, actually. I think." If the voice isn't enough to convince him, then the absence of anger in it does when he turns his chair to look at her. Smaller, softer, more concerned when Citlali pauses in the doorway compared to her elder sister. His girlfriend a sight for sore eyes, at least compared to her counterpart, "Sorry for scaring you, if I did.

"You didn't. Just, thought she was making the rounds again. And holding a grudge against your commander doesn't really bode well for you, as I've found." He can't find the energy to add a genuine laugh with the quip, and while Citlali smiles, it's one of the ones that's strained, "What? I feel like Alenko's walking proof of that."

"I guess, depending on how you look at it." She furrows her brow, maybe in thought, maybe in disbelief. He still can't read her very well, though it's not as if she makes it easy. Shaking off the expression, "Do you mind if I come in? You seemed...busy."

While Hilary's vid has gone quiet, he doesn't meet her eyes. The distraction might be better than nothing, even though he'd rather spend his time alone, most likely watching the last handful of mails from the month prior, "If you want to, sure. Did you need anything?"

"No. It's just...quiet around here. Thessia's on everyone's mind and it honestly feels too constricting." The door closes behind her, "If you're worried, Kodelyn's with Liara right now. I don't think she's going to come back up here for a while."

"Oh good. That'll probably give her time to cool off." Refocus her frustration with Thessia back towards comforting, always seemed like it fixed something in her. He might've been out of line, but he hadn't been expecting for her to explode at him like that. It seemed too out of character, and he hadn't been able to accurately predict it. The longer she spent doing anything else was probably extending his lifespan. Shepard wasn't predictable, but she rarely played the stereotype of the short-fuse Commander.

"Cool off?" Citlali quirks an eyebrow, "Was she mad at...you?"

"Surprising, I know."

"Weird. What'd you do?"

"Nothing." He says habitually, then sighs, "I don't know. Rough day for obvious reasons, she wasn't doing so well and I probably didn't make it any better."

"Oh." Citlali cringes, "She wasn't too upset with you, was she?"

"Probably not with me specifically. I just ended up as collateral damage."

"Collateral -- Never mind. She'll probably apologize when she's feeling more like herself. If she ever does." Her tone wavers at that, uncertainty on the other end of it, "Are you okay, though?"

His silence answers it for her. What does he say to that? Fine, only that I found out my home might be ashes and the only family I have left might be gone?

Well, he probably could.

"Sure. Fine."

Her smile's shaky, "Are you really fine, or are you just trying to get rid of me?"

"Never, I love spending time with you. You know that."

"Uh-huh. I'll suspend my disbelief, but only because you're sweet," She frowns at that, padding over to sit in the empty co-pilot's chair, turning it to face him, "If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. You don't have to lie to me though."

"I'm not. Just dealing with...everything. All of us have our off days." The screen blinks when he turns back to it, Hilary's expression still frozen in one of amusement. His chest grows heavy again, this one was dated a day before the Reapers came through. This vidmail, the one like so many others that'd come before it, was one of the last ones he'd ever have of her.

And when he received it, he hadn't thought anything of it. He wouldn't go as far as to say he'd taken the ritual for granted, but he'd thought he'd receive another one. And another after that. He was careful to watch every one, and send back another as soon as he was able. His had gone unread.

"Fair enough." Citlali leans back, blissfully oblivious, "Long day. Maybe way too many things happened all at once."

"You could probably say that again."

"I'll refrain from repeating myself." She chuckles, "Can't wait to get back to the Citadel. The rest this crew needs is probably ticking up towards absurd."

"That bad in your professional opinion?" He asks, "I'd thought we were doing just peachy. Y'know, with the Council trying to absolve themselves of guilt and the galaxy crumbling around us."

"Thank God for night clubs." She responds, leaning back, "It just feels tenser than ever. Can't shake the feeling we're getting towards the end of whatever this is, and it's making everyone jumpy."

"Probably, yeah. Hopefully it'll be longer than a day or two when Shepard's done with Horizon. It'd be nice not running from Reaper forces day in and day out."

"Too exciting for you?"

"Everyone has their limits. just seems like there are more of them than ever lately, and they all want a piece of us." That much is true. The other half is that he wants a chance to search. Search the Citadel, search the surrounding systems. Maybe Hilary would be with the refugees, and he just hadn't found her yet. Maybe she'd lost her 'tool. They'd never been great at remembering each other's codes.

One hell of a time to forget, if she was out there, all alone and surrounded by the unknown.

Citlali turns her gaze towards the front window, then to one of the screens in front of him from what she can see, "Thessia-related matters aside, if you're willing to share, who's that?"

He hesitates, trying to find an answer while his throat tightens around his words. All he can do is send a picture of Hilary over to her screen. She halfway smiles when she receives it, one of her out in the yard during his last leave. Yellow sundress, celebrating the first day of summer, "Friend? Family? She looks just like you. Same grin and everything."

"Family. Younger sister, actually."

"Aw. Looks just like you." Citlali smiles, "What's she like?"

"Like any little sister, I guess." What was there to say? Why is he looking for adjectives to encapsulate the sister he loved, and why is it so difficult, "Smart, kind, practical joker sometimes. Occasionally gets on your nerves, but you love her too much to stay mad."

"As all siblings do. Feel like she'd be fun to have around. Guess you missed out on the curly hair gene, huh?"

"Had it when I was younger."

"Is she looking to follow in your footsteps? A pilot just like her brother?"

The lump in his throat almost doesn't let him answer her, and he plays with the bill of his hat, "Maybe. I don't think she ever really said anything about it."

"Big shoes to fill, I get it." The smile fades slightly when he doesn't follow up on it, "Where is she now?"

His voice is raspy when he tries to talk again, "I don't...really know. I don't know if she even still is."

Her face falls, furrowing her brows once she realizes, "I- Jeff..."

"Evac orders were sent out to Tiptree a couple of days ago. No news since, only that a handful made it...somewhere. Liara didn't say where." The orange lights in front of him start to swim in the water collecting in the corners of his eyes, "I don't even know if she made it offworld."

There's a flood threatening to burst behind his eyes, delicately held back for the last few days just by sheer will. Just the thought of the planet being turned into Earth, Palaven, Tuchanka...hell even what he saw of Thessia turns his stomach.

They didn't live that close to any major city, but they still would've been at risk if they sent any husks out that way. Any of the other grotesque monsters they'd seen lately.

Had she been looking for him? When it'd all happened, had he missed her call while they were in FTL? Just by a split second.

The thought of one them getting their hands on her, one of the sweetest girls in the galaxy who'd done nothing but act as a ray of sunshine in his life, it kills him to think about.

His hands are wet, he doesn't even realize until he hears Citlali's boots against the ground behind him. Her eyes are searching his face when she kneels down next to his chair, holding out her arms halfway in a silent question.

He accepts a moment later, wrapping his arms around her. She hugs him back, a quiet whisper on her lips when she returns the gesture, "I'm so sorry."

The dam breaks.

Big jade eyes that match his, a grin she lamented about every other day. The figurine he'd brought back for her, the Normandy, on her nightstand just in view.

What he'd give to see her again. Hear her voice again.

The galaxy crumbles away, tears streaming down his face.

"I love you, Jeff. I miss you."

[omarcameron]

Books You May Want to Read

This is my first post to tumblr and I thought I’d cover a topic I’ve been asked about quite a bit over the last few months: What are some books you’d recommend reading related to Black life in America, racism, inequality, social justice, etc.?

In the wake of social uprisings in response to George Floyd’s murder (and persisting systemic racism and inequity), I’ve received this question primarily time and again from coworkers and friends. 

Here is a list of reads that I’ve felt help provide understanding on the history of racism, it’s bridge to modern social/economic inequities, the simultaneous devaluing of Black life vs the fetishism of Black entertainment, the Black experience in America, and how embedded some of these concepts are into the fabric of society. There are of course a plethora of written works by talented Black (and non-black) authors that collectively works to encapsulate Black life in America. And it should be known that Black life, thought and existence is varied, nuanced and diverse - just like the life of non-black people. This short list is a selection that I feel best exposes elements of society that I’ve experienced in my own life.

1) Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America, (Ibram X. KendI): 

I read this book about three years ago and have yet to come across a more informative read that investigates the origins of our modern society’s current racial caste. Told from the perspective of four prominent figures in America history, this extremely well-researched and written book draws a bright line through six centuries of this country’s (or more accurately - this continent’s) past and perfectly connects it to modern-day socioeconomic outcomes. 

2) Between the World and Me, (Ta-Nehisi Coates): 

Told in way that reminds one of James Baldwin’s - The Fire Next Time, this letter from the author to his son is ripe with passion and reflection of his own upbringing and journey to adulthood as a Black man in America. Sprinkled with really honest personal anecdotes, this is a great read that will challenge you to reconcile how Black life, specifically Black bodies have been viewed, owned and valued in America.

3) Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?: And Other Conversations about Race, (Beverly Daniel Tatum): 

Written by a psychologist/researcher, this read is particular poignant in its focus on racial identity for many races, with a particular focus on the development of that identity for Black and white people. This book takes more of a scientific approach, through empirical studies, focus groups, and conversations with individuals of different races. If you’ve ever looked around at your friend group and wondered “Why does it seem that I only tend to hang out with people who look just like me?”; If you’ve had period of your life were you’ve had a closer circle of more diverse individuals, and no longer do; If you have found that racial identity has always been complex for you...this would be a good one to pick up.

4) Forty Million Dollar Slaves, (William C. Rhoden): 

One of the most understated sports books of all time - this is not only reserved for sports fans. I personally struggle with modern society’s affinity for seeing and championing Black athletes, and entertainers, propensity to perform and create at an elite level, while simultaneously dismissing their humanity at the same time. As such, I’ve deemed myself a ‘reluctant sports fan’. Learning more about the history of this dynamic was for me very compelling. This book delves deep into the history of the American Black athlete, examining the impact Black athletes have had on American society, and their own communities as well. Similar to Ibram Kendi - it stretches into modern times and brings to light gripping issues such as the concept of a Black ‘sellout’, white approval, white ownership and the remanence of racism transferred therein. 

5) The Cooking Gene (Michael W. Twitty): 

This book is aptly:

- one part story of one man’s search for his ancestral roots,

- one part cookbook, and 

- one part history lesson of life in the American south for Black people throughout the 400 year history of the Black struggle in America. 

“Twitty,” a Black Jewish chef who showcases ancestral cooking through reenactments on Southern plantations, recounts his deeply personal, painstaking and detailed journey to finding as much of his ancestors (Black, white, and everything in between) as he’s able to. With food as a central character (specifically its ingredients) you are taken on a reverse Triangular Trade route of sorts, from the rice fields of Louisiana, the plantations of Virginia and the Carolinas back across the ocean to Africa and even to England as Twitty searches for the answer many people still grapple with: Who am I?

6) The Warmth of Other Sons (Isabel Wilkerson):

Told through the eyes of three black Americans - this is the story of the ‘Great Migration’ - the movement of 6 million African Americans out of the rural Southern United States to the urban Northeast, Midwest, and West that occurred between 1916 and 1970. 

Wilkerson paints a vivid picture of the journey, successes and hardships black Americans faced as the moved from rural communities in the Jim Crow south, to cities and suburbs of coasts and midwest. As the stories weave through multiple generations, this book answers a lot of questions about structural racism and institutionalized obstacles facing black people such as redlining, white flight, job discrimination, over-policing, police brutality/violence (and more) and how these impediments resulted in decades of setbacks.

I come from a West-Indian family, a part of black America that melds an ‘immigrant story’ with the black experience in America. This one spoke to me.

7) Barracoon: The Story of the Last "Black Cargo" (Zora Neale Hurston): If you need a reminder that the enslavement of black people in America was not that long ago, look no further than this book. Barracoon, based upon the first-person account (interviews Hurston herself conducted) of a survivor of the last slave ship to transport enslaved black Africans to the United States. A full 50 years after the “trafficking” (but of course, not the enslavement) of African peoples was outlawed by the United States, a ship named the Clotilda pulled into Mobile Bay, carrying “Black Cargo” - over 100 enslaved Africans, one of which was “Cudjo”, a former-slave, and Middle-Passage survivor. From their 1930 interviews, Cudjo opens up to Hurston about everything - he has a rich memory about live in Africa, his kidnapping and trafficking, enslavement in America ,and life in the era of ‘Reconstruction’. A recommended read that can promise above all else - a perspective like no other.

[norahastuff]

The Spn canon approved Dean Cas soundtrack (top five)

Youtube recommended a Destiel fan video to me yesterday, and I ended up losing about 2 hours while repeatedly saying ‘’just one more!’’. It got me to thinking about how the canon scenes didn’t need to be manipulated at all to fit the lyrics or show how romantic they were. Of course they don’t. The show itself has used music and montages to underline Cas and Dean’s relationship since season 7. 

They have done this using songs that fit them so well, that you can track the evolution of their relationship pretty accurately, using just the songs the show has used for them.

1. 7x17 : Turn into Earth, The Yardbirds 

Otherwise known as that time the show created it’s own Destiel fanvideo. Cas returns to Dean, after presumably dying in a Leviathan explosion, only to return with a never again mentioned wife and without his memories, believing himself to be a healer named Emmanuelle. The scene where Cas smites the demons, and in the process recovers his memories, is one of my favourite scenes of the entire series, and part of that is down to the song choice. We don’t hear any of the lyrics, but the melody itself is pitch perfect. The Yardbirds were known for utilising mock Gregorian chant styles in their music and I think that is reflected here. Cas recovering his memories is given an almost religious like quality. And what are almost all Cas’ memories of? A certain broken hearted hunter who carried his trenchcoat around with him for months, hoping against hope that the angel would return to him. The lyrics do somewhat thematically fit, but since we don’t hear them, I see this one as significant mostly for highlighting the importance Dean has in Cas’ life and that they used music to do it effectively, added this as an important tool that could be used in the future in telling Dean and Cas’ story.

2. 8x17 : Goodbye stranger - Supertramp

Here we come to Robbie Thompson, the king of the end of episode montage. The glorious 8x17, in which on his knees, Dean told Cas ‘’I need you’’, and broke his link with Naomi and heaven. Only for Cas to leave anyway, with the angel tablet.. The song that plays over the final moments, focusing first on Dean and then Cas alone on the bus.

‘’Goodbye stranger it's been nice, Hope you find your paradise.

Tried to see your point of view. Hope your dreams will all come true’’

Since purgatory, Dean has been trying so hard to keep Cas with him, yet at every turn Cas keeps leaving. He leaves at the portal, after their one hunter adventure in 8x08, after killing Samandriel and now again after Dean has laid himself, and his feelings, bare to Cas. I think it finally hits Dean that Cas is an angel. He doesn’t understand these human feelings, or at least doesn’t process them, in the same way that Dean does. It’s why he’s so resigned in the finale to Cas closing the gates and returning to heaven and doesn’t try to stop him. He has to say goodbye and ‘’let him find his paradise’’. He can’t be what Dean needs and wants him to be, or respond the right way to Dean’s feelings and declarations. Those are human things Cas would need to be human to understand and well...it’s almost like there’s a narrative playing out or something.

3. 9x18:  The sun ain’t gonna shine anymore - Frankie Valli

Ah fancy meeting you again here Robbie. I felt personally victimized by this episode. From Metatron looking into the camera and telling us to listen to the subtext, to Dean and Cas smiling like idiots in love down the phone at each other over minibar jokes that were not amusing to anybody but them (Sam is here too), to the final montage at the end. 

‘’Loneliness is the coat you wear

A deep shade of blue is always there

The sun ain't gonna shine anymore

The moon ain't gonna rise in the sky

Tears are always clouding your eyes

When you're without love’’

Nope no subtext to be found there. Cas taking off his coat of loneliness, tied to his angelic identity, only to once again put it back on before meeting the angels. Cas’ decision to take in the other angels stolen grace, to give up his human life that he had found a quiet dignity in, was because duty always comes first. Getting the angels home, and fixing heaven is his responsibility. He still feels the responsibility to heaven that he did last season but things are different now. He’s been human, he knows how it feels to be sorry, to enjoy things and to love. He knows how it feels to want these things. And now, after finding the mark of Cain on Dean’s arm, he knows how it feels to be ‘’without love’’.

4. 10x05 - I’ll just wait here then 

Oh boy this song. It so perfectly encapsulates Cas’ emotional arc in regards to Dean in season 10, it almost winds me. It’s so thematically on point.

‘’now you need some rest/ so I will do what’s best I’ll just wait here then/ That’s all I’ll do/ I’ll just wait here then/ I’ll wait for you’’.

It’s not like a couple of episodes ago Cas and Dean had an emotionally mature conversation, making it clear that there are no personal grievances between them, after which Cas told Dean to relax and take some time off. And it’s not like they stay relatively drama free for the rest of the season, only to settle into easy domestic patterns when they do meet. The Mark of Cain stalled any significant emotional progress from occurring in their relationship, and all Cas could really do is wait. I could drone on about how significant this song is for Cas for hours so I’m going to make myself stop and just say, fucking hell Robbie kill me now and have it over and done with already!

5. 13x05: It’s never too late - Steppenwolf

Never mind Robbie, Yockey took up your mantle and finished me off.

This was the culmination of years of subtext. After the emptiness and the pain of their separation, there was no dialogue that could have done their reunion justice, not even ‘’Hello Dean’’. Instead the scene was presented in the classic Destiel language: wordless emotionally charged stares, with a rousing soundtrack saying everything these fuckers can’t/wont. At least not yet. But what does the song tell us:

‘’It's never too late to start all over again

To love the people you caused the pain

And help them learn your name

Oh, no, not too late

It's never too late to start all over again’’

and to hammer it in further:

‘’Tell me who's to say after all is done

And you're finally gone, you won't be back again

You can find a way to change today

You don't have to wait 'til then’’.

Come on! Seriously this song is straight up telling these two to stop dancing around each other. The way they’ve handled their relationship in the past isn’t going to work anymore. It’s not what either of them want. Their reunion is ‘’understated’’ as Jensen called it at the time, because both of them know what the stakes are now, especially Dean. They know what happens when they lose each other, how much this relationship means to them and they want to get it right. Since this was not the end of the story and they’re not going to get to live happy ever after, at least while the show is still running, Dean didn’t quite learn the lesson as well as he should have. There was growth for sure after Cas returned, but they still have a ways to go in regards to communication and just USING THEIR WORDS. Come on boys! I’m rooting for you.

From Cas showing the central role Dean plays in his priorities, to Dean recognising angel Cas couldn’t understand or perhaps reciprocate his feelings the way he needed him too. To a Cas that’s experienced being human realising that angelic life, and a life without love is not something he can be happy with. To Cas’ role being to wait for Dean while he figured his shit out and finally to them both starting to acknowledge that it’s not too late to change the way they’ve been doing things. The highs, the lows, you can get the cliffnotes version of their relationship by charting the music Spn chose to accompany these moments. I don’t think it’s any coincidence that these music choices started appearing in 7x17, the episode from which, at least in my opinion, the show started treating their relationship differently, before veering pretty heavily into the romantic tropes in season 8. Music has a language and power, that sometimes words can’t convey, and remind me - what was that gift that Dean once gave Cas?

[aili]

Valentine’s Day Music Newlsetter 2019!

Welcome to the 13th Music Newsletter! Short intro for the newbies - I love music. I love sharing music with other people. In college I started a "music newsletter" email with some playlists (aka mixtapes) I've made and some song/band recommendations. Why Valentine's Day? Because I think this day should be about love in many ways - including love for music!

That brings us to today. The first Valentine's Day mixtape I put together was actually a physical mix CD that I mailed to my home friends while I was away at college. That was in 2008 (11 years ago!). A lot has changed since then, but my love of music has not. While I feel sometimes too busy or too old or too out of touch to know what I'm even talking about, I hope you'll get some enjoyment out of this - as much as I've been enjoying listening to these songs and picking them for you! 

*Click here to download Valentine's Day 2019 mixtape!

Click here to play Valentine's Day 2019 on Spotify!

*Note that the file downloads as a zip file, double clicking on it to open it up should give you the individual songs. Then move the songs to iTunes into a playlist!

1.) "Happy Unhappy" - The Beths New Zealand indie rockers The Beths debut album, Future Me Hates Me, is full of catchy, energetic sad-twinged songs. This song feels like it could have come out back in the 00s when we had to find new music by reading blogs and actually downloading MP3s - it feels closer to the Garden State soundtrack era of indie than the recent moody electronic vibe. It's a lot of fun! Sounds like Courtney Barnett by way of The Wombats, with a splash of Los Campesinos.

2.) “City Looks Pretty” - Courtney Barnett Courtney’s 2018 album “Tell Me How You Really Feel” is only her second studio album, but somehow it feels like she’s been around forever. The album features a “fuller” sound and more production, which may appear dulled next to 2015’s “Sometimes I Sit and Think, and Sometimes I Just Sit.” However, I feel excited by Courtney exploring a more mature sound and think it accurately reflects the albums depressive theme. “Sometimes I get mad / it’s not all that bad” is sung with a definite apathy compared to her shout-singing past record. As the bridge settles in, Courtney captures the depression symptom of lack of interest in things you used to enjoy. The city looks pretty when you’ve been stuck inside isolated for two weeks. 3.) “Screwed” - Janelle Monáe feat. Zoë Kravitz Janelle’s 2018 album “Dirty Computer” is an anthology of songs (and truly, poetry) that tell of reckoning with being a queer woman of color in an oppressive, violent society. It’s an incredibly personal album with her fans in mind - “I want young girls, young boys, nonbinary, gay, straight, queer people who are having a hard time dealing with their sexuality, dealing with feeling ostracized or bullied for just being their unique selves, to know that I see you. This album is for you. Be proud.” (Rolling Stone, 2018). My favorite part of this song is “See, everything is sex / except sex / which is power / you know power is just sex / now ask yourself who’s screwing you.”

4.) "BAGDAD - Cap.7: Liturgia" - Rosalía 25-year-old Rosalía Vila Tobella from Catalonia has an excellent 2018 album El Mal Querer. The album combines traditional flamenco with modern R&B. The album is a story of love and heartbreak over the course of 11 chapters/songs. This particular one might sound familiar due to the sampling of Justin Timberlake's "Cry Me A River."

5.) "Gun" - St. Lucia St. Lucia's first release off of their 2018 album Hyperion caught my attention with its connection to a more traditional rock sound and the heavy-hitting, one-word title. The production and sound almost reminds me of Oasis or U2. Turns out that the album is indeed produced by someone who worked on records with PJ Harvey, Depeche Mode, and U2. In interviews, Jean-Philip Grobler talks about how this song is generally about both gun control and power. "You said you wanted to feel a gun in your hands" in Verse 1 transforms to "You said you wanted to feel the blood in your hands" in Verse 2, highlighting the fact that guns are designed to kill. 

6.) “Apathy” - Frankie Cosmos With a catchy bass line, gorgeous lyrics, and endearing vocals, this song and entire album are not to be missed. As you may notice on this year’s playlist, this year I was super into what I would describe as punk-influenced, low-fi indie female vocalists. Pretentious enough for you? Haha. I just mean that there are a ton of young women blowing up in the indie music scene with a huge crossover in sound. As demonstrated in “Apathy,” many of these songs are short, lack a traditional pop music format, use low-fi production, and have a storytelling aspect of almost speak-singing. These elements are all found in traditional punk music, so it’s interesting and exciting to see these artists shaking things up and challenging the punk genre. Frankie Cosmos has a long history of creating music, under various projects using Bandcamp as a teenager. Her 2018 album “Vessel” is nothing short of delightful and another one of my favorites of the year. 7.) “Your Dog” - Soccer Mommy Soccer Mommy is Sophie Allison, singer-songwriter based out of Nashville. She opened for Paramore on their recent tour and she has launched into the indie music scene with a lot of attention in the past couple years. I love how her voice clearly carries so much anger as she sings about an emotionally abusive relationship. Her lyrics describe the agony of small, sweet gestures pushing her back to her ex, despite her wanting desperately to end it. Using the metaphor of being a loyal, sub-servient dog, she describes the way her SO treats her like she’s his property. Because the song lacks a traditional “pop” format (verse 1 / chorus / verse 2 / chorus / bridge / chorus), there is a sense of the story ending unresolved. Fortunately, she has an excellent album (one of my favorites) from 2018 called “Clean” where you can learn more of her story. 8.) “Pristine” by Snail Mail A stunning debut from 19-year-old Lindsey Jordan, “Lush” is a 2018 release not to miss. “Pristine” perfectly encapsulates teenage life and love - “it just feels like the same party every weekend. Doesn’t it?” There is such a sense of genuine hormonal angst that she is almost joyfully celebrating. Her album reads more like a diary - and how lucky she is to have these future memories and be able to approach them with such wisdom.

9.) "Uncomfortably Numb" - American Football feat. Hayley Williams Paying homage to Pink Floyd, legendary emo band American Football joins with Paramore's lead singer Hayley Williams for a devastating track about losing emotional sensation. "I blame my father in my youth / Now as a father, I blame the booze." I couldn't find too much information on the exact inspiration behind the track, but it's the second track released off their upcoming album out March 22nd. Hayley is usually front and center as a singer, and it's interested to hear her take more of a backing role, as well as explore a bit of a lower vocal range than she usually does.

10.) “Geyser” - Mitski Mitski absolutely killed it last year with “Be The Cowboy,” which was consistently rated not only in the top 5 best albums, not only top 3, but making MULTIPLE end of year lists as the number one album of 2018. It’s easy to see why, given the incredible breadth of music she wrote for her album. I see Mitski's influence reflected in the rise of fame in other punk-inspired female vocalists in the indie scene, building off her ability to capture the attention of a wide audience. Which is also very interesting because she incorporated elements of many other genres on this album (spot any disco on “Nobody”?) While it was difficult to pick one song for my playlist, “Geyser” stands out to me as not only an excellent album opener, but a fascinating look into Mitski’s own relationship with the art she creates. In an interview, she explains that this song is about her feeling like she has to create music because she would never be satisfied in life without it, but feeling sometimes stifled, stuck, and resentful when she puts music above basic needs such as her health and self-care. She needs her art to survive but it simultaneously kills her.

11.) “Me & My Dog” - boygenius It’s impossible to pick just one song of this album. Boygenius is the supergroup of Phoebe Bridgers, Lucy Dacus, and Julien Baker - who each could also have one of their incredible solo songs on my playlist. Partially because they enjoyed each other’s creative energies and partially as a response to constantly being compared to each other as “women in indie,” the trio came together to create an EP of emo-influenced, folk-inspired gorgeous tracks about grief, loneliness, identity, and heartbreak. This particular song features Phoebe Bridgers in the verses and is a beautiful representation of the embarrassing and frustrating feeling of being in love with an ex. Please check out the individual work of these artists too!

12.) "bless ur heart" - serpentwithfeet Serpentwithfeet, aka Josiah Wise, has a gorgeous, intimate voice throughout his 2018 debut album, soil. This song starts off with a question of how his art will be received by the world. The rest of the song is a tender message of gratitude to his first love. It seems like Josiah questioned the choice to speak about his experiences with his ex in such a public fashion - with complexities of privacy, being open about sexuality, and possible painful memories on the table. Josiah's writing is very much like poetry, and his raw, unfiltered, un-autotuned vocals match the beauty of his words.

13.) "Bury A Friend" - Billie Eilish 17-year-old Billie Eilish is set to release her debut album, When We Sleep, Where Do We Go? next month. This song matches her goth aesthetic with a creepy story from the perspective of the monster under the bed. We learn that the monster is part of Billie herself, who is struggling with her own demons. 14.) "Loading Zones" - Kurt Vile A gorgeous guitar track, Kurt Vile paints a picture of his hometown Philadelphia and feeling on top of the world exploring his city's streets. He included a hilarious marketing strategy of sending fake parking tickets to fans in the mail to promote the song. Kurt Vile talks about the metaphor of "I park for free," which is how he sometimes lives his life - breaking the dumb rules because it's his life, his streets, his town. 15.) "Dylan Thomas" - Better Oblivion Community Center Is it possible to already be nostalgic for the late 2000's? Conor Oberst and Phoebe Bridgers released this surprise collaboration last month and this is the standout track for me. Conor Oberst's incredibly recognizable voice is hard to match in terms of strength, timbre, and uniqueness. While Bridgers is young enough to be from a different generation than him (she also grew up listening to Oberst's music), he saw something in her that resonated with him. I love how they sing in unison on this track (and much of the album) and think their voices sound really good together.

16.) "Butterflies" - Kacey Musgraves Kacey Musgraves is bringing a breath of fresh air to country. After self-releasing three albums, she tried her hand at reality TV through Nashville Star over a decade ago. Golden Hour is her fourth album using a record label, and she just won Album of the Year at the Grammys! Her voice is beautiful and has an earnest, authentic approach in joining elements of country pop. 

17.) “Prior Things” - Hop Along “Bark Your Head Off, Dog” is Hop Along’s third album, released in 2018. Singer/songwriter Frances Quinlan has the ability to transform the themes of her songs. Layered with a multitude of different sounds and instruments, it could easily sound scattered and busy, but instead feels like we are huddled around a campfire with an enthusiastic, stream-of-consciousnesses storyteller. “Prior Thing” is the last song on the album and crosses time, space, and memories with the start of a hallucinogenic drug trip. She has the ability to take a phrase and transform the expected - pausing or elongating notes at unexpected places. This method keeps you invested in figuring out what the song is really about or what the conclusion is. 18.) "Kids" - Pup Emo/pop punkers Pup have a new album Morbid Stuff coming out on April 5th. Their songs are made for live shows - shouting/singing alternates, sing-a-long catchy lyrics reminiscent of the Hold Steady, and unison whole-band lines. Pup frontman Stefan Babcock said this song is about finding someone who agrees with your view of the world being a fucked up place, and enjoying small moments of solace in spending time with them. 

SPOTIFY

Don't forget to subscribe to my playlists on Spotify! Here is the link to listen to this year's mixtape on Spotify.

I try to add new songs at least once a week to this playlist: What I'm currently lovin' (updated freq)

-----

I hope you guys enjoy the new music and feel free to send me recommendations of anything you like!<3 aili

Previous Mixtapes:

Autumn Love mix | Autumn Love Spotify

Copenhagen mix | Copenhagen Spotify

Valentine's Day downbeat 2010

Valentine's Day upbeat 2010

Valentine's Day 2011

Philadelphia mix | Philadephia Spotify

New Crime mix | New Crime Spotify

The City mix | The City Spotify

Drive mix | Drive Spotify

Valentine's Day 2012 | VDay 2012 Spotify

King's Myth mix | King's Myth Spotify

Hold On mix | Hold On Spotify

Valentine's Day 2013 | Vday 2013 Spotify

Valentine's Day 2014 | Vday 2014 Spotify

Valentine's Day 2015 | Vday 2015 Spotify

Valentine's Day 2016 | Vday 2016 Spotify

Valentine's Day 2017| Vday 2017 Spotify

Valentine's Day 2018 | Vday 2018 Spotify

[amoveablejake]

My Five Key Songs of April 2022

The fourth round up of the year.

I can never quite believe when it gets to a key songs of the month piece because it never feels like it has been long enough since the last one. I then have to cast my mind back over the previous month to try and draw out the five songs that really encapsulate that past month. Occasionally there is a bit of recency bias but this time I have really tried to look past that to draw up an accurate picture of April so with that in mind, lets see who made the team sheet. 

First up, ‘Man-Marking Maradona’ by Timeshare ‘94.

It was perhaps rather inevitable that a song that is about Maradona and the inability to control him would be a hit with me. From the moment I heard the intro to ‘Man-Marking Maradona’ by Timeshare ‘94 I was hooked. Its use of samples from the Belgium versus Argentina game of 1986 is exquisite as it helps to build an atmosphere and a soundscape of being at that game. More than highlights from the match, this track puts you right into the stadium in a way that like with watching Maradona, you just have to sit back, smile and take it all in because you’re watching or rather listening to truly is a vision of magnificence. 

The second track for April, ‘Forever’ by ED.

I really have been sucker punched by the ‘Forever’ album by ED and its titular song. When ‘Forever’ turned up in my Bandcamp library one Friday I wasn’t particularly excited by it and infact I let it sit there for a few days before I even thought that I would take it for a spin. And once I did, well, I haven’t looked back since. ‘Forever’ has become one of my go to albums that I can put instinctively as it melts into the background as I’m now all too familiar with it. The album itself contains many hits but I still can’t turn my attention fully away from its opening perhaps because it was this track that delivered that first shot of electricity to me that I keep coming back to the record for. I would have said when I started listening to ‘Forever’ that whilst I do like this album I’m not sure how long this affair will last but now, I think this album is here to stay for- you get the idea. 

Third up to bat is ‘Na Na’ by Dan Mason. 

Yes, another Vaporwave track but I promise it stops with this one for this month at least. For the last couple of years Dan Mason has always been at the forefront of my mind when I think about my artist of the year. He hasn’t quite made it but has always been second. Then when I listen to his records I think how could I ever think that he is second because these albums are so mesmerising and full of joy that they work themselves into my daily listens and accompany the whole year from beginning to end. ‘Na Na’ is taken from ‘Summer Love’ which is one of my favourite, if not my favourite, Mason album. Its an album where quite honestly every song could be here on this key song of the month list. Its such a wonderful album because each time I go to it a different song becomes my favourite and the stand out, this time around I keep clocking into ‘Na Na’ and its vision of the summer to come and the idea that maybe this will be one of the albums of the summer for me.

The penultimate song for April, ‘DadBod’ by Logic. 

Every single time I hear the opening of ‘DadBod’ I breathe a sigh of relief. I do this without realising it. Its, its instinctual. I can’t say that I listen to Logic everyday but when I do, it is such a rewarding experience. When I listen to his music I know I’m in safe hands and that I can lose myself to the record. This past week I’ve been playing my ‘No Pressure’ tape pretty much on a loop and for good reason, its a masterstroke of a final album (well, final for a time at least) and whilst there are many incredibly well thought out tracks it is ‘DadBod’ that remains the most fully formed and realised. If I ever waver from thinking is Logic one of my artists, I put ‘DadBod’ on, nod my head, and say to myself oh yeh, this is your guy and boy am I glad about that. 

And the key track of the month for April and the fourth for 2022 is, ‘Escape From New York Main Title’ by John Carpenter. 

Quite frankly, to not put ‘Escape From New York’s’ Main Title as the song of the month for April would have been a crime. I have not listened to an individual song more than I have this one over the past few weeks as I let Carpenter’s synth work carry me into a rather desolate vision of New York. One of the reasons for listening to this particular song over and over again was because it had a special edition release fro Record Store Day yesterday. A special release of only 2,200 copies. And after queuing up at half seven at my local record store, to getting in at nine forty five, I can proudly say that I have number 1,390 of that run. And putting that record on yesterday after getting back from the store and listening to it after a couple of hours of waiting in line, there was not a doubt in my mind that it was worth it. 

So there we have it, the five key songs for April 2022. There definitely seems to be some sort of tangential theme running through the tracks this month so it will be interesting to see how that develops or changes for May. For now though, I think I’m going to sit back and put on that ‘Escape From New York’ record again because, well, its what it deserves. 

-Jake, a man who doesn’t want to talk about the Napoli loss today, 24/04/2022

[julies-butterflies]

first lines   ::   a writing game

rules :   list the first lines of your last 20 stories  ( if you have less than 20, just list them all! )   see if there are any patterns.  choose your favorite opening line. then tag 10 of your favorite authors!!     ---   i’m going to be ranking mine  x / 10,  with comments, just for the heck of it.

1.   with friends like these   ( 2100, gen, phantoms friendship )

“Dude,” says Reggie, after the third — or maybe fourth — time it happens. “You... doin’ okay?”

verdict :   starting off with a line of dialogue is always an effective way to throw the audience right into the story, without a lot of build - up exposition.  and i... get carried away with the exposition sometimes.   this was my first ever JATP fic, so i was just trying to get a feel for the characters voices  ---   starting off with dialogue felt like a good place to begin!    7 / 10, vague but it works, and i can hear reggie’s voice clearly!

2.   even if we hit the ground  ( 3200, pre-canon, shameless reggie whump )

It all explodes in an instant, so fast that no one gets the chance to react.

verdict :   this line punches!!  it’s supposed to punch, it’s supposed to feel like the audience just got caught up in an explosion, because reggie literally does!   ( this is the story in which i establish the precedent of Hurting Reggie in my fics, just because he’s there. )      9 / 10,  super effective line

3.   if i didn’t know better  ( 3500, grief fic, julie centric )

Doctor Turner always said the special days would be the hardest.

verdict :   it’s...  okay.  i mean, it accomplishes what it needs to, but it’s nothing special.   this story holds a very dear place in my heart, and might be my favorite  ---  i wrote it to help cope with my sister’s very recent death, and frankly, it was just what i needed at the time.  i love the story as a whole more than this opening line.   5 / 10

4.   21st century (dead) teen rebellion   ( 2100, willex, ghoul bois antics )

If Alex knew exactly how he gets talked into half the things he does, he’d know how to avoid them, and his life would be so much easier.

verdict :   bahahaha, it’s sad because it’s true!!  i love this story, and this line  ---  while a bit cluttered  ---  makes me giggle.   7 / 10

5.   how to be a heartbreaker    ( 7500, luke character study, light jukebox )

Luke learns the danger of a crying woman early.

verdict :   this story was a constant surprise.  i didn’t expect it to get as long as it did  ;  i never expected it to take off the way it did, oh my gosh  ;  and there are parts of it i really like, and parts i’m more ‘meh’ about.   this opening line is good, it absolutely works in the scope of the story...  i just feel i could have done it better somehow.   but...  it leads into a whole segment with baby luke, so no regrets.   5 / 10

6.   nothing quite like living on the edge   ( 6200, missing scene after ‘nothing to lose’  ;  the boys trapped at caleb’s club )

By the time Caleb’s song reaches its grand finale, self-control is trickling back to them…  slowly, slowly, like the reverberation of the final notes.

verdict :   heehee...  like the entirety of ‘nothing to lose’, this line is delightfully unnerving.   caleb’s weird not-quite-mind-control was a topic i just had to explore in greater detail, so i really took it and ran with it.  this isn’t exactly a whump fic, but none of the boys are having a good time... and i get to explore a much darker tone, which works really well with my writing style.   overall, one of my favorite stories, and an excellent line.   9 / 10

7.   every empty space   ( 2900, emily patterson study, growing up luke )

Raising Luke was never easy, even for a moment… but in the beginning, it was a dream come true.

verdict :   the first half of this line was the main thesis for the entire story...  and i love how it sets up emily’s entire pov, and her arc over the course of 17 years, in a really effective way.  ilove writing emily because i relate to her  ---  i also look at luke and think “my beautiful, stupid son” daily.   fun story, great opener.   8 / 10

8.   revelations   (3200, gen, boys coming back to life, ray finds out )

The night of the Orpheum performance is definitely the start of something… and things never go back to normal after that.

verdict :   this is a very sexy leading line!  it’s informative, it’s ominous, and sets up a fun story / series.  i can get behind this!!  8 / 10

9.   sugar, how'd you get so fly?   ( 3000, gen, alex learns to fly, help him )

Her mom used to call it the “Mama Spidey Sense”;  a very loud, very accurate superpower that only parents have, to let them know when something is Going Down.

verdict :   ...  meh.  i like the idea, it’s a very rose vibe, but.  i don’t love it.  doesn’t have a lot to do with the rest of the story.  i think i just honestly didn’t know how to kick things off.  3 / 10

10.   know that it's probably magic   ( 4600, gen, soul bonding w/ spirits )

It takes a while for the boys to figure out all the weirdness that comes with being a ghost — and for Julie, on her end, to sort out living with a haunted band.

verdict :  opening lines work best when they’re short and pithy.  this... feels a bit cluttered, not going to lie.  while it definitely sets up the rest of the story, i feel like there was a more concise way to do it, if i just dug around a bit more.  i love this story as a whole more than this actual line.   ( also, ‘haunted band’??  does that even make sense??  girl... )   4 / 10

11.   still alive but i’m bearly breathing   ( 4100, possessed teddy bear )

Honestly, if she hadn’t been zoning out on her history essay long enough for her eyes to wander, Julie might’ve never noticed anything was wrong at all.

verdict :    uhhhh....  i don’t know how to talk about this one, actually.  midterm season is one hell of a drug.   ( another theme in my stories?  really putting alex through it.  not in a whumpy way, just in a ‘fml’ way. )  fine opening line, 6 / 10

12.   regenesis    ( 28000, multichapter, reggie whump / backstory )

Carlos is the first one to bring it up.

verdict :   this story!!  i love this story so much!!  while this opening line is the definition of ‘meh’, the story itself is such a favorite, and was so much fun to write.  i’d rank the story itself 10/10...  this line, though, will have to get  4 / 10

13.   paint a picture of it   ( 1800, gen, julie + reggie become art buddies )

“These are amazing! You’re really playing with color composition here, I like how you blend it all together.”

verdict :   can you tell i’m bullshitting my way through art terminology?  oof.  i started off this story with an entire conversation, through literally just dialogue  ;  i don’t love it, but it works well enough.   5 / 10

14.   interwoven   ( 2500, emily adopts sunset curve via knitting )

They break her heart sometimes, just a bit — her eager boy and his habit of bringing home strays.

verdict :   luke and emily patterson, out here once again, breaking my heart.  this was a more sympathetic view on emily, yes  ---  i didn’t want to excuse her canon behavior, and she still has flaws in this story...  but she also cares, and tries to be a good mom, in her own way.  she loves luke, and she loves his friends too.  this line sets that up wonderfully.   9 / 10

15.   if i was you (i'd wanna be me too)   ( 11000, multichapter, carrie redemption arc-ish??  ;  exploring carrie / julie relationship )

Because her dad always has impeccable timing, he picks the night Julie plays at the Orpheum to completely lose his mind.

verdict :   oooh, i love this line.  poor trevor, but also... this line slaps.  it’s just the right amount of carrie-pov bitchiness.  while this story is still very much a work in progress, but i love how it’s coming along so far  ;   it already has so many moments i love  ( ‘this band is home’!! )  and writing carrie is an exercise in characters i’m not used to writing.   excellent line, 8 / 10

16.   kill your heroes (and then kill them again)   ( 9500, vampire reggie )

Reggie gets bitten on a Monday. On Tuesday, he goes to band practice.

verdict :  EXCELLENT opening line!!  it’s short, it’s pithy, it gets right to the point, and you’re sure not going to forget it.  i love this line.  i love this story.  this really set up the story and i’m super happy with it.   10 / 10

17.   feast or famine    ( 7200, demon goose fic )

In their absolute defense, the boys do not, as they’re later accused of, murder a goose.

verdict :   ... listen.  this is the best opening line i’ve ever written.  it literally doesn’t get better than this, you can’t top this one.  the pinnacle has been reached.   i will literally never write a line, or a story, more engaging than this one.  200 / 10

18.   fall out boy knockoff   ( work in progress ;  5 times luke falls while climbing things he really shouldn’t be climbing )

The first thing Luke says when he sets foot in the garage for the first time is, “Whoa! You’re kidding me, you got a loft!”

verdict :   starting off with action  ---  another great way to toss readers right into the story!!  this is a fun line that really encapsulates luke’s sheer...  chaos gremlin energy.   this entire fic radiates chaos gremlin energy, and i can’t wait to post it.  7 / 10

19.  i can’t even hear them scream   ( work in progress ;  all the women in julie’s maternal line have the ability to see ghosts, the boys ain’t special )

Julie is eight months old when she sees her first ghost.

verdict :   straightforward!  to-the-point!!  tosses you right into the plot!!  not the most engaging...  but i like it, especially as this section of the fic is being told from rose’s point of view, so it comes from a perspective we wouldn’t otherwise get.   6 / 10

20.   remembering   ( work in progress ;  part of the ‘side effects of coming back from the dead’ series, basically an excuse to write sleepy bois )

Even after the spell is broken and Caleb’s stamps are gone, Julie can’t bear to leave the boys alone; the idea that they will vanish when out of her sight, flickering out of existence like candles dying in the rain, is too real, and too awful to endure.

verdict :   this...  might work better broken up into two sentences.  i’m probably gonna do that.  technically it works better as two lines, but as an opening sentiment, i love this??  the entire fic has a...  very slow, soft, thoughtful vibe, and i like how this line establishes that with a metaphor.   excited for this one!!  8 / 10

tagged by :   the absolute superstar that is @sunsetcurvecuddles​ tagging :    uhhhhh i don’t know a lot of writers in the fandom i don’t socialize hEL P

[e-wills-afterhours]

Things Your Gyno Probably Wishes they Could Tell You

In a previous post, I reviewed the common questions I get asked on a near-daily basis. This post will be the companion piece to “Questions You’ve Always Wanted To Ask Your Gyno...” In this post, I will lay out a few Things Your Gyno Wishes They Could Tell You. These are things I wish I could say to a patient’s face in the moment, but no matter how kind and non-judgmental I would present these issues, it would be difficult for any patient not to feel defensive. In this format, these issues are hardly criticisms and more the helpful hints I truly intend them to be, so patients can the the most out of their visits and relationship with their provider.

1. Know what medications and supplements you are taking and WHY you are taking them.

I need to know this information so I am not unintentionally setting you up for a bad drug interaction. Also, please don’t pop any pills or put any medications or supplements in your body that you aren’t sure how it’s supposed to benefit you. Please know why you’re taking that antibiotic or the cardiac medication. If you can’t answer that, then there’s a huge part of your medical history I’m missing--and THAT makes me hella anxious. If you can’t remember that hard-to-pronounce name on the bottle, write it down somewhere: on your phone, for example. Have that list easily accessible for any healthcare visit--knowing your medications is part of every healthcare visit for every subspecialty of medicine. We don’t just prescribe birth control and hormone replacement therapy in Women’s Health and the potential for drug interactions is very real. Even so, hormonal medication carries plenty of potential drug interactions of its own as well as potentially causing serious side effects with certain medical conditions, which brings me to...

2. Know your medical history and share it with me.

Even if you are a minor, take control of your health from the get-go. Overbearing mothers drive me nuts (even though I can be a bit of a Mama Bear myself), answering all my questions on behalf of their daughter while the young lady just stares at her feet. What happens when mama’s not there and you need to go to urgent care and suddenly you can’t answer questions about your medical history or your family history because mama’s always done it for you? What if you can’t reach her by phone when you need to? This can be a big, BIG problem--for you and your provider. Know your medical history inside and out, it will make you a better healthcare consumer and advocate for yourself. It helps me know what medications and therapies may or may not be a good fit. Don’t ever withhold information about a medical condition (ie. high blood pressure) because you want me to prescribe you something that would be contraindicated for you. I don’t want to cause you a stroke because you either didn’t know or purposefully provided me with an incomplete history so you can get the birth control pill your bestie likes so much. Accurate. History. Is. Everything. It is the bedrock upon which all your personalized and safest, most effective care will be based.

3. No question is too embarrassing or awkward for me; don’t let it be that way for you.

Ask me anything. I mean it: anything. I’d rather you get accurate, scientifically sound information from me than some clueless social media influencer or Cosmo magazine. What is out there about Women’s Health and sexuality--on social media and pop culture--is rife with misinformation and half-truths. You may feel awkward putting your question into words; you may feel embarrassed because you never had anyone in your life you felt you could ask these deeply personal and intimate questions to. That’s why I here. That’s why I do this; why I felt called to do this. Women’s Health is still so private and elusive for many women. We still carry that socially-imposed shame about our own bodies and sexuality that we seem to carry from a young age. I’m here to dismantle that. You may feel awkward asking me that burning, secret question you always wanted to know, but I promise that it’s self-imposed. I will answer your questions in a compassionate, non-judgmental way because that is the very heart and soul of what I do. Every single patient who has ever opened up to me with that “weird” or “embarrassing” question always feels tremendously better after they do.

4. Please get STD tested between each sexual partner. Please. Please! Pleasepleasepleaseplease!

Most STDs will either present sub-clinically or with no symptoms at all. It most likely won’t be like the horrifying pictures from your high school health class. People can and do walk around with chlamydia for months, not knowing there’s anything wrong. That increases the risks of Pelvic Inflammatory Disease--an excruciatingly painful pelvic infection. PID can lead to infertility by scarring up the fallopian tubes. Chlamydia-induced scarring of the tubes and infertility can occur even without PID, or any notable symptoms at all. Meanwhile those unknowingly infected with chlamydia have now passed it on to any one night stands or have brought it into any new relationships with them. Without STD testing, I have no idea how long you’ve had it and if your current partner was unfaithful or brought it with them from a previous relationship. What I do know is if you were negative after one sexual partner, then positive with the next...weeeeeellll...now we have a better idea who gave it to you. As for any infidelity? Well, it would help if they had up-to-date STD testing, wouldn’t it?

5. Pull out method is a terrible form of birth control. Stop using it unless an unintended pregnancy is okay with you.

Really. I can’t tell you how many women refuse birth control right after having a baby and decide to use the pull out method, only to come back to me 3-6 months after they gave birth, pregnant again and upset about it. If you don’t want hormonal birth control, make him use condoms. If he won’t wear condoms, then no sex for him. Yes, it really is that simple. Stop letting men be selfish about contraception. Last I checked, it’s your uterus and your vagina.

6. Don’t be ugly to me if I give you test results or information you don’t like.

If I tell you a certain type of birth control would not be safe for you or that your lab work indicates you are not pregnant despite your pregnancy-like symptoms, please don’t get angry at me and proceed to argue with me. If I tell you that you have an STD, get angry about it all you want. I get it. Just don’t curse me out. I was not the person who gave you herpes.

7. Be. On. Time.

Yes. You may have to wait for me anyway. But you know why? The pregnant women two people before you failed her test and now we are concerned about her baby’s well-being and impromptu trip to Labor & Delivery. The work-in before her just found out her baby has no heartbeat on her dating ultrasound, and we have to discuss her options on how this miscarriage will pass. The pt right before you was a nexplanon removal slotted for 15 minutes but it ended up taking 30 because it was encapsulated in scar tissue and her previous provider at another clinic who put it in did it wrong. Every potential visit has the capacity to run over time, and I give each patient of mine the care and consideration that makes them feel they are my only concern that day. Isn’t that how you want me to treat you? So don’t huff if you have to wait on me. Don’t throw a fit about “I usually have to wait around anyway!” when you are 20 minutes late for your appointment and we have to reschedule. I like to go home and see my family at some point, and you being late would push me even further behind, which is not fair to me or to the on-time patients after you.

8. Patients lie.

Yes, House, MD was right. Patients lie. Probably not you. And the patients who lie to us have their reasons. But the pregnant woman who swore she is not on drugs despite the obvious track marks on her arm, the positive urine drug screen, and the higher-than-a-kite demeanor is lying. The young lady who swears she’s not sexually active because of her overbearing, super-religious mother in the room, but whose wet prep shows trichomoniasis not a yeast infection, is lying. The young lady who says she doesn’t need a pap smear because she’s in a same-sex relationship and has never had sex with a man has a history of a high-grade abnormal HPV+ pap smear pre-dating her current relationship, is lying. So when we ask you for a urine sample for a pregnancy test or STI urine screening, please don’t be offended. You’re probably being honest that you have never had sex or only have sex with other women, and thus could not be pregnant. But I can’t know that for sure. Patient’s lie. For whatever reason, they lie. Please just pee in the cup so we can run our tests and move on.

[jamesginortonblog]

Twenty years from now, you might find yourself sitting by the fire, telling tall tales to young ’uns about the madness and the mayhem of this century’s teenage years, and you might find yourself thinking — if only there was some kind of, I don’t know, TV drama that accurately encapsulated almost everything that was going on in the world in 2017, one that also felt like James Bond meets The Godfather. My friend, the drama you would be looking for is McMafia.

The series is the BBC’s big-budget new-year crime drama. Starring James Norton, Juliet Rylance and David Strathairn, alongside a host of Russian, Israeli, Brazilian and Serbian stars playing mob bosses from their home territory, it blends the stylish globetrotting of The Night Manager and The Sopranos’ take on family values, with a dark underpinning in reality.

McMafia’s script began life as a 2008 book of the same name, an epic study of organised crime by the investigative journalist Misha Glenny; it was then wrestled into a drama by the Oscar-nominated screenwriter Hossein Amini, best known for the Ryan Gosling thriller Drive. At first sight, this looks like another of those impossible-to-film tomes with which British TV is currently besotted. (The City & the City? The Patrick Melrose novels? Are you all insane?) Glenny’s tome details the rise of criminal empires from the dust of eastern Europe’s communist states and the globalisation of crime across continents, using free-market tropes. The term “McMafia”, for instance, is a reference to the Chechen gangs who franchise out the feared Chechen name to thugs across Europe, like a gun-toting Ronald McDonald.

Amini was hauled into the project by James Watkins, the director of Black Mirror and The Woman in Black, who had been trying to squeeze Glenny’s sprawling book into a feature film. “We sat in a little garden at the V&A — which, ironically, ended up in the series — and decided it could only be a TV series,” Watkins recalls as we squat on some antique furniture during a break in the filming of a violent chase in a country house. “It’s got whorls and tone, but no actual characters.”

Over the book’s fragmented vignettes, Amini lays an action thriller-cum-family-drama structure at whose heart is Alex Godman (Norton), the son of a Russian oligarch who was educated at an English boarding school, runs a successful hedge fund and is preparing to marry his ethical activist girlfriend, Rebecca, played by Rylance. When his dodgy uncle starts meddling in Moscow, Alex’s perfect life falls apart and he is thrown into the family business with increasing vigour.

“There are elements of Alex that are based on me,” Amini explains as he joins us. “I came to the UK from Iran in 1977. I was bullied at school for being foreign and found it hard to adjust. My parents can’t go back to Iran, although I could… All of this I put into Alex. So that notion of what it’s like to be Russian, but sometimes be ashamed of being Russian, and trying to work out if you’re British or Russian or something else — that’s very personal.”

Amini writes — or at least rewrites — roles once the lead actor has been cast. Drive’s sparse, moody script was as inspired by Gosling as by James Sallis’s original book. With Norton, he has done much the same thing, sculpting Alex to fit Norton’s natural sense of cool detachment as he boots up his inner Michael Corleone, against the backdrop of a violent global black economy that snakes its tentacles through everything from politics to the illegal deals smartphone makers rely on for their raw materials.

“We saw James playing the Russian aristocratic gentleman in War & Peace, a cultivated Englishman in Grantchester. Then there was Happy Valley, where he’s got this quiet, damaged fury — and it was obvious he would be perfect for a Russian bear inside a bowler hat,” Amini says.

“The thing about Alex is, he’s not a villain and he’s not a hero,” Norton tells me a few months later, as we sit by the Adriatic on Croatia’s Istria peninsula — which is doubling as the south of France and Tel Aviv. “He’s trying to do the right thing, but he’s being screwed up and twisted and turned, and he gets into this sort of spiralling, chaotic mess. They tell me they didn’t see anyone else for the role — I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. What did they see in me?”

Norton’s performance here will do nothing to dampen rumours that he’s the next Bond after Daniel Craig hangs up his Walther PPK. From the moment he steps out of a black cab in a tux onto the steps of the V&A — through spectacular assassination attempts, scenes of brutally trafficked young women, oblique references to the criminal machinations of the Russian government, high-speed chases through luxury mansions and dubious deals in pulsing Tel Aviv nightclubs, with some flashy high finance thrown in — his role has pretty much every ingredient necessary for 007, including the occasional raised eyebrow.

“To be honest, it’s mad, this crazy speculation,” Norton says with a quick laugh. “I think Daniel Craig’s going to do another two. I’m aware that James and Hoss putting me in a tux at the V&A couldn’t be more incendiary. I did say to them, ‘Are you just baiting me and stoking the fire?’”

Either way, he’s aware that this is a potentially career-changing role — not that he’s done badly so far. His elegantly foppish performances in Death Comes to Pemberley and Life in Squares led, unexpectedly, to Sally Wainwright picking him to play Royce, the dark, psychopathic nemesis to Sarah Lancashire’s troubled Catherine Cawood in two series of Happy Valley. The crime-solving vicar Sidney Chambers in Grantchester came shortly after, and he’s been in War & Peace, Flatliners and Black Mirror since then. As Alex, though, he has finally earned leading-man status.

“It’s terrifying in a way, because there’s nowhere to hide, really,” he says, giving a small smile. “Before, my agent was saying I should maybe move to a bit of theatre or a bit of film. Now he’s saying I need to decide how this is going to affect me and where I go next... It’s an AMC and BBC show, the budget is huge, we have Hoss, David Farr and James Watkins on the script, the supporting cast are all A-listers. Being the thread through all those people, I just hope I’m not the one to cock it up.”

The A-list cast, it’s fair to say, is not only impressive, but requires a little explanation. Every television drama project these days has to scream a little louder than the last just to get attention. In 2016, roughly 1,200 brand-new scripted shows were launched in the world’s main television markets, according to the industry number-cruncher the Wit — and estimates for 2017 suggest there will have been considerably more, as Facebook, YouTube and Snapchat launched scripted streaming services and Netflix alone produced 90 shows just in Europe.

McMafia is effectively the BBC’s answer to this internationalisation of talent. The Leviathan star Aleksey Serebryakov and Mariya Shukshina, a Russian TV stalwart, play Alex’s dubious oligarch parents; the Georgian actor Merab Ninidze proves oddly charming as the Kremlin-connected mobster Vadim; the Czech actor and regular Hollywood heavy Karel Roden delivers a weary ex-cop turned crime lord; and the Bollywood star Nawazuddin Siddiqui plays a corrupt Mumbai importer, Dilly Mahmood.

Russians, in other words, play Russians, Indians play Indians and Brazilians play Brazilians. When nationalities speak among themselves, they do so in their own tongue, rather than in the heavily accented pidgin English beloved of earlier shows. Sometimes there are subtitles, sometimes not. It’s a mark of how cosmopolitan the British viewer has become that a primetime drama on a mainstream channel can now drift seamlessly between languages.

“People in the UK don’t really know who these people are, but in their own world, they’re enormous superstar figures and have this immense skill set,” Watkins says. “Some of the Russian actors do so much with so little. Whenever anyone comes in to act with the Russians for the first time, we have to take them aside and say, ‘Look, this isn’t about you or your work, which we love — but before you act with them, watch what they’re doing and make sure you can match it, because they’re setting the tone for the whole piece.’”

Watkins is keen to stress that the tone is gritty, rather than glamorous. Each location is shot with different filters, and the dark, unsettling horror underpinning the action tends to be in the bleached-out bright sunlight of the Middle East. This is grimly true of the second episode, in which a young Russian beautician, Ludmilla, arrives in Egypt for a hotel job. She is picked up by a couple of cheerful locals, who drive her out of Cairo to a concrete shed where she’s beaten, tied up and shoved into the back of a van before being sold on to an armed gang — the first stop in a brutal series of events that leave Ludmilla in Israel, sold on yet again to a haughty brothel keeper.

It’s a shocking subplot, coming so soon after an exotic party at the Palace of Versailles thrown by Vadim — the Russian gangster with Kremlin links — and all the more so because it is the one story lifted directly from Glenny’s book, and is thus, effectively, a dramatised documentary. Indeed, all of the darkest elements in the series are echoes of real life — Amini based one early killing on the 1991 assassination of the former Iranian prime minister Shapour Bakhtiar. And Dimitri Godman’s drunken decline echoes the last grim years of Boris Berezovsky’s life. “We’ve tried not to chase events, because real life is always going to move faster,” Watkins says. “But every fresh headline almost seems to confirm the thesis that the corporate is becoming criminal and the criminal is becoming corporate — the intersection between criminality, intelligence agencies, banking and government.”

“Like most people, I thought the mafia was compelling and exciting,” Norton adds. “There’s money and fast cars and yachts and beautiful women. I hope people see that while we tell that story, we also tell the story of the cost — from human trafficking to drug-dealing and poverty-stricken junkies in Mumbai whose habits pay for someone’s superyacht.” He pauses. “Though I’m now aware that there are things in this phone that are unethically sourced, and I’m still using it every single day. So this probably won’t make a significant difference.”

Which is part of the final trick that Watkins and Amini play — constantly taking us back to London parties and ethical business launches by semi-legal tycoons, making clear our complicity in all the sordid crime and violent murders the show depicts. The most chilling paragraph in Glenny’s book does exactly the same.

“Organised crime is such a rewarding industry,” he writes, “because ordinary Western Europeans spend an ever-burgeoning amount of their spare time and money sleeping with prostitutes; smoking untaxed cigarettes; sticking €50 notes up their noses; employing illegal untaxed immigrant labour on subsistence wages; admiring ivory and sitting on teak; or purchasing the liver and kidneys of the desperately poor in the developing world.”

So, if you do end up in 20 years’ time using McMafia as a document of our fractured era — from Russian political meddling to dubious oil deals to corrupt hedge funds and ruined human lives — you might want to prepare yourself for the obvious question from your loving offspring: what did you do to try to stop it?