#this is apparently what im doing today
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Barbenheimer
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#Bardicious#Bardicious Makes Art#my art#my illustrations#artists on tumblr#tumblr artist#Bardicious Featured#Featured Art#barbenheimer#barbie#abstract art#oppenheimer#lmao#this is apparently what im doing today
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here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud!!
✷(print shop)✷
#mine#original#euheuhe hello..i hope everyone is having a good day#we are going on a bird boat thing on wednesday im very excited about it#what else.....me and my bf went on a walk on sunday and i saw damsel flies and shield bugs and a duck with 13 ducklings#i bought a jellycat sun bag which is now all i talk about#ive started reading assassins apprentice by robin hobb!!!! its so good!!!!#im so excited there are so many books in the series to read#i doubt i will like all of them but i will give them all a go#today i will stop and hve dinner n then walk the dog and then do exercise and have a bath#and then i will. play zelda#and then tomorrow i will do shop stuff and also help my mum buy a bench apparently#i need to buy snacks also. i hve a snack stash in my rooom bc of mental illness purposes and i am low.....need snacks#maybe i will do that tomorrow. brain schedule is full up for today sorry#also. unrelated. i have my period???? again????? ive already had it this month hello i dont need another im good im all done#my hormones r going ??OAGHGHGHUH#also i want like . cute bra. but like not a bra like just cloth thats like. tit shaped. a bralet? is that what that is? no idea#anyway. hve nice evening. or else.#i have a headache#OH ALSO. i need to legally chnage my name SKFSABJSBK#put that on th todo list#i cant rmemeber how 2 do it i think it was very straight forward n cost like. £10 or smth
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i'm normal about him i promise
#death note#light yagami#i am on a roll tonight folks#light in a skirt is a big motivator to draw ime#enjoy him and goodbye apparently i have to “go to bed” or somethingg#which tbh i will enjoy when i get there but i am firmly inside the “i don't wanna” zone bc i don't wanna stop drawing and i very much#do wanna beat today's high score for alantiles on webkinz. unfortunately we don't all get what we want. so :(
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doctober day 28: metallic
local old man doesnt "get" the youths, pt 1/??
#back to the future#bttf#doctober#doctober 2023#marty mcfly#doc brown#emmett brown#christopher lloyd#michael j fox#my arts#my sketchy wip arts#im not saying marty definitely had braces... but im saying marty definitely had braces#basing it all on that scene in bttf3 where bufords gang randomly talks about martys teeth. thats my proof !!!#plus apparently average amt of time to have them is like a year so like its POSSIBLE. (i had them for like 3+ years so go off i guess 😒)#anyway this isnt late B) but it almost is bc i was still debating TODAY what to even do >_>;#but here we are so yeah <3#the generational difference of 'polite/goody two shoes' vs 'degenerate/badass' being seen as good and bad things respectively#docs thoughts: hooligan bad!! respectable citizen good :) -> martys thoughts: im not a nerd PLEASE GOD IM COOL I SWEAR#ps tell me marty WOULDNT ask the local disgraced scientist hes known for like 3 months to do literal surgery on him. theyre ride or die PLS#< for all the trans!marty truthers that also applies to u. i think we can all agree hes not above just straight up asking. king
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huh
#HI IM BACK TO GUSH FOR A SEC#SO APPARENTLY REBECCA SUGAR HAS READ WALK THE LINE#WHICH MEANS THEY MIGHT KNOW MY WORK#HI REBECCA HIIIIIIII#WAVING AT YOU!!#Source is Sai Scribble's new vod from today where she mentions that#7:10 https://www.youtube.com/live/62iCRkSQDIA?si=mkenLTYzny3laBty&t=430#what the FUCK do i do with this information LMAO#dimond speaks
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#sorry im thinking abt death again#because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died#that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from#time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed#i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she#died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way#my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today#for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days#and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt#future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her#last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that#and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving.#sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless#others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club#i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her#stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i#dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my#family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters#probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno.#i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity.#again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a#full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length#unrelated
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#1st my sister was passive aggressive bc i was boiling pasta when she wanted to make her dinner#so she slammed stuff nd chopped veggies aggressively#nd i felt my heart rate spike nd my body go tense nd i always get clumsy nd drop things nd hurt myself when i get that way#but they think i deserve feeling awful bc of mistakes in the past so i cant ask them to stop#i've been walking around w lots of heavy things nd im barely keeping it together#nd i got so mad bc she wouldnt stop so i started slamming the cabinets nd then left when i was done#then my mom nd other sister got home nd i just wanted to ask my mom smth#when i open my door my other sister goes 'omfg already?'#'immediately when we get home i never get a break. it's almost disgusting'#i just got so.. i realized how pathetic nd childish i am so i just went into my room#but then apparently my sister said to mom that *i* was the only one being passive aggressive#so she comes in to talk when i was having my dinner so i said that i plz just wnna eat my dinner#she didnt know nd she's never cared but i wanted to hurt myself so badly i was struggling not to#but then she started screaming at me for being childish nd passive aggressive nd that i never do anything#she left my room. she still talks to my sisters so i know it's onlg me shes sick of#idk.. today is bad bc i cant talk to her nd i dont have ANYONE else to talk to im all alone#and now i barely even wanna go outside my room bc apparently my family thinks i wnna mess w them just for going to the bathroom lmao#i hate myself so much. im so pathetic. im 25yrs old living at home being a burden#nd im just a pathetic nd childish person. i 'need' to talk nd vent nd rant nd#like if i buy some things i have these need to like do a mini haul or if i get books from the library#i wnna show my mom what books i got#it's so childish. i do feel bad for my mom to have to deal w me nd my annoying personality#why cant i jusy be normal. no wonder why i can never keep friends or my family doesnt wnna talk to me. everything abt me fkn sucks#anyway im just feeling so bad and so alone bc my moms mad at me so now i have no one to talk to
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I can’t do this without you, Nathan.
#heroesedit#primatech#heroes nbc#heroes#anni edits#nbc heroes#peter petrelli#sylar#claire bennet (offscreen) lol#meant to do something extraordinary#oh thanks fking Psychoanalyst Sylar. really helpful.#hit him with the hammer peter. hit him.#i think i also havent let go of MY anger lol. every time i'm surprised how strongly I feel about this but i apparently do.#no he doesnt have to forgive him ever. bash his head in and escape the wall with the power of hatred instead. lmao#anyway sorry i have a lot of feelings on that subject apparently#the POINT is that peter doesn't want to skip all 5 stages and go straight to acceptance. he will fight them all the fkin way#and that's what I love from my insanely codependent brothers. lol#im being such a hater today but i swear i dont have beef with any other ships or fans lol. the show however-#oh we go way back. 17 years in fact. square up heroes why do i do nothing but make content for you. turn on your location b*tch.#(can't believe i've actually been mad about the wall longer than they were actually in the wall. asdfghjk)#how to stop an exploding love#heroes season 4
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okay first of all was anyone going to tell me that ac/dc is an australian band. and second of all was anyone else going to tell me that they're apparently colloquially referred to as "acca dacca" in australia
#i knew about some general australian slang like maccas and utes and blueys but it never occurred to me that ac/dc would have one too#mostly because i just assumed they were english like so many classic rock bands i know.#ALSO APPARENTLY THE WIGGLES ARE AUSTRALIAN TOO I SAW ON THE NEW DEFUNCTLAND TODAY#i never watched the show as a kid i just vaguely was aware of some of their more popular songs#its so so fucked up to me genuinely how much accents tend to just Disappear when you sing. like where'd they go lol#anyway i was gonna say#i need to go back and do my music autism analysis shit for the rock songs i grew up hearing#i was telling latimer a lot of classic rock music feels like. like its Default Music to me somehow#like oh yeah jukebox hero we all know jukebox hero of course. whats that latimer? oh. youve never even heard of Any foreigner song. huh#so i need to like. go through all the music from my childhood. im in my childhood trauma reclaiming era anyway like i might as well#i want classic rock to go from being my 'childhood music' into my 'scavengerverse (oc) music'#like how styx and disney songs are my 'neopets ocs music' from when i was 12and AJR is my 'webcomic dev music'#god i want to be so autistic about music right now but im so sleepy tired. fuck my stupid baka life
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ok i am home i am on vacation but i had a fight with my roommate but then talked normally i feel absolute whiplash but i have showered and i am in bed goodnight and let's begin this VACATION
#we did come to a conclusion abt what we should do abt this issue that we had so i hope it won't be an issue anymore#idek if i overreacted to her blaming me or not im still confused#but what basically happened was we weren't home on the same night and so the cat wasn't fed#and she said it was my fault bc she told me abt her concert many times in advance (just talking excitedly)#i ofc didn't remember the exact date#amd she's usually home on sunday night#but i went to the doctor's in another town#so how is it my fault#did i tell her i was going... i do not remember#maybe i did?#i think i did?#but why did she blame me today for apparently not feeding her cat all week#when i absolutely have#anyways we both think we're in the right#but what bothers me is that she told me 'ok then i know i can't count on you from now on'#what the fuck that was so hurtful#and then i got upset cried showered and when se met in the kitchen after i had calmed down#she just spoke to me normally#and i did too#bc i cannot fight on a friday evening
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spent months like I need prescription for my mental health give me prescription please please & now that I have it I'm like hm. do I want to have to take meds, actually
#part of it i think is just that typical anxiety that comes before any life change like s new job or whatever but also like#despite never having TRIED stimulants im familar w them i know people w adhd who are on them i had an idea of what to expect & thats what i#i figured id be getting but shes having me try this non stimulant option first bcus 1 apparently its good for people who also have anxiety#and 2 easier to get w the like Adderall shortages & shit rn#& im like ok i have NEVER heard of this drug before and didn't even know there WERE non stimulant options options.#like im doing all my research TODAY for the first time then pick it up tomorrow?#like me heslth anxiety girl just has to be like ok sure i guess. i had mentally prepared myself for stimulants & thats it!!!#i mean worst case i just try it & see if it works or if i have side effects but like. ugh. & i dont like that i dont like my np LOL like id#probably feel less uncertain about trying something i was previously unfamiliar with if she was someone i liked & trusted more#if i knew there were unfamilar drugs they might recommend to me i probably wouldve started over & found someone new to work with. AGHHH & i#didnt discuss any of this w her bcus it took me a couple hours after our session to think abt it & do my own reading & process my emotions#to really come to thia conclusion. & also i wouldnt have wanted to talk to hwt abt this anyway bcus i dont like her & have not felt at all#like cool w opening up to her beyond the minimum i had to do for the assessment#& my therapist is sick this week so im not gonna get to talk to her tomorrow!@#texticles#anyway i know ive got fellow adhd bitches following me. anyone try guanfacine did you like it or nah
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various witch stuff of the day or whatever the heck
#witch hat tag#orufrey#uhh yeah just getting some stuff out of the way haha i like the first one tho. i drew something that scares me#iguin must have been involved in qifrey's thing somehow. The Lidless eye..the sight of the world..i mean i think [redacted]#and he'll be [redacted] and [redacted] will be forced to... [redacted]???!?!!?#I want to keep my theories to myself.......or do i. not being a fandom person (other than dropping my art and leaving) means i just..#combust inside by myself with ideas and FEARS FOR THAT MAN.....CAN SOMEONE HELP HIM IM SO WORRIED IM SO...#CAN YOU LET SOMEONE HELP YOU#apparently tetia's expression in the last one is hard to understand =.= she's emotional bc she cant believe they remembered#the twin hat idea. and that she's so happy. i was thinking about how she was probably qif's first pupil so there must have been a time#where it was just her qif and oru... i DO think she is hinted strongly to be trans but even if not her mystery background is probably so sad#why would qifrey even become a teacher? his goal was the brimhats. but he keeps being distracted by kids with problem pasts so#he must have only been drawn to help tetia out of a deep sympathy. it seems at that point he and oru had drifted apart#did oru decide to be his watchful eye hearing about that or did qifrey ask him? he thought that qif had given up on brimhat stuff so..#*mumble mumble* lately i also keep remembering oru saying something UNREAL in kitchen like 'we're finally living under the same roof' ????#you can't just say that. what on earth. i..... whatever. i haven't even processed like 20% of my potential emotions about them#i feel so weirdly emotional today. i stopped thinking about witch hat for zuka even tho im SO hyperfixated it is genuinely PAINFUL to stop#i stopped just long enough to watch gatsby raku.... my haachan#i'm so grateful right now that i dont have any big issues in my life rn so i can get worried about manga men and sad about actors retiring#today at least i am extremely grateful. living and being alive is so so so so weird. i hope we all make it
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ok so no cynari canonization today... im fine /hsrs
#i mean it gives me more time to prepare mentally at least#instead of doing what i thought he would#cy yu released a regular cover of peaches today#and id assume hes releasing the parody cover at a later date?#i mean it makes sense#apparently theres gonna be a whole animatic for it#make by enaki (? idk who they are or how to spell their name)#and those take lots of time#i can be patient#im more ok with this than i thought i would be#we can hold back the feralness until the parody cover releases#whenever that may be#cynari#cynonari#tighcyno
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well i think its finally time to open this box
#sorry gang apparently i am incapable of sticking to my word and am continuing to have a personality on main and subject you all#to all of my bullshit#i am doing my best but i am a weak bitch who does not know how to process feelings#so its a fucking miracle im opening this box tbh. ive wavered a lot around this one#this round of thinking is being brought on by the probable imminent break up between me + my gf 🙃👍#its been on the cards for a hot minute i mean. she hasnt sent me a message since the 8th of march until today and its like a.#we need to talk message so. like im not surprised. ans ive been thinking about it all a lot recently#i dont really want to realise im aro while im with someone so ive been avoiding it but like. ive been thinking. and ive been thinking if we#shouod break up too anyway because like. i get i am so hard to be around. but nothing. for a month. even a silly picture. it hurts dude#but i kinda didn't want to push because. i know i am. me. and a lot. and i know shes got stuff on her plate. but so do i#maybe we're both no good#to be around#nyxtalks#this is very not helpful in my whole. everyone i love leaves me eventually so i should isolate myself and push them all away thing i guess#but i dont think. i want to cling. i dont wanna be that pathetic.#she can do better than me (i cant do better than her)#i mean. idk ive been questioning if im aro anyway so. idk#i dont fucking know#honestly this is gonna be so cringe if this isnt what she wanted to talk about but like. what else could it possibly be i guess#dude i am so sorry if you read this this turned into relationship vent rather than my feelings around aromanticism#those are.complicated enough for their own post and i probably need to talk to some actual aromantic people about that
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...
#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad#bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young#and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder#but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small#and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible#grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing#and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is#probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a#fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong#with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality#and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever#as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun#its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to#read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like#yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess#i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she#clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate#unrelated
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the state of city infrastructure in the US outside of like a handful of cities is so scary. why are there so many cars and so few sidewalks. why does a park take <10 mins to drive to and over an hour to take transit to. how is this even habitable for like. human beings.
#im in [redacted] for a friend's wedding this weekend and trying to figure out what to do today#what i want is to walk to a park but apparently that's not an activity the city planners thought of.#man. i miss my walkable city bubble 😔
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