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defiantscribe · 11 months

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As Good a Place as Any

As I knock on the door of a potentially unchangeable future, I figured why not write like I used to for all and no one to see?

Hi, Kats here. Even though this place and multiple other locations scattered around the internet have my moniker of "Defiant Scribe", it's only because some people have happened to skirt my actual moniker and it's REALLY hard to get back and I just haven't gone through the paces to make an account like "KamikazeKatsREAL" or something corny like that.

I've decided to pick up blogging, something I used to like doing, again because for the next couple of months, I'm going to attempt to be fairly radio silent with all of those I've made friends with online because I need to change some rather bad habits I've developed.

First, binge drinking on Friday and Saturday nights. Now, I will admit those were the ONLY nights I got like this, but I've had more instances of blackout drunk than I think I should and to waste my entire weekend recovering from hangovers or still being drunk when I wake up hours later is no way to operate in life. Not only that, but then to do it AGAIN on Saturday and then spend my almost entire Sunday in bed and piss my entire free time away recovering has become problematic. Luckily for me, that has never spilled over into the week. I've tried having a beer here and there, but it just doesn't feel right. Not quite sure, but I'm glad I have that feeling. Have a potential for abuse of the shit and it has not ever been something I had an inherent feeling I needed to feel like.

I've known alcoholics in all stages. From what I am, to those who drink daily, to those who get drunk daily, to those who are drunk by 10 a.m. to those who have to drink because they will get the DTs and literally can't function otherwise. I'm a weekend warrior like those who fly from LA to Vegas on Friday, fly back on Sunday and resume life till the end of the week. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. Sure, done right and in moderation, fun, but in excess constantly you're running the risk of it snowballing into something more. Thankfully, it hasn't hit that stage and I'm doing my best to not let it.

But, this break wasn't designed to break me away from my blackout weekends, though a happy by-product. This break was designed to get me to stop treating my type-2 diabetes as something that is "managed" by me just not eating so much sugar and taking my insulin every now and then.

I'm suppose to be taking this shit daily and for the past like 3 weeks, I've been REALLY religious and good about doing so. I've seen my numbers in the 100s in the morning, which is where they need to constantly live, but I will take any small victory I can at this point. I've seen the mildest of changes, which doesn't lend itself to making me creating this as a habit, but when I have an A1C that is in the "you're gonna lose a limb or go fucking blind" levels, you tend to stop acting like you're invincible and take stock in the fact that maybe.... just maybe.... you need to stop fucking around because you will find out and that shit is more permanent than a tattoo.

Had to actually have a toenail removed because it was deemed better to have it removed to let a mild infection happening with that toe heal because the toenail was kind of in the way of it releasing anything that might want out because it was trapped by the toenail. Kind of a bummer, but I'll gladly lose a toenail instead of a toe.... or my foot.... or half my leg.

And losing that toenail was a real turning point. Not because now I don't have a toenail, I could honestly care less, but the fact that I had to voluntarily lose a part of my body in order to not lose more parts of my body. And that.... was on me. I could have very easily prevented that situation from happening had I actually been a responsible individual and listened to my doctors and stuck with my medication regime. But instead, I thought I knew better, thought I knew my body better and this was the result.

Again, so much better than losing digits or limbs, but who knows how far that stage might be? With my sugars out of whack, my A1C in the danger zone and my feeling that I knew better than medical professionals, I think I needed something to happen. Thank God it was the minimal amount of anything that could happen, but I know I'm not even close to being out of the woods, so I have to stick to the main focus of taking my diabetic medications regularly. Next is trying to adjust my diet, which will come, but a step at a time. Have to walk before we run, right?

Speaking of, I need to go take my insulin. Don't know why I'm typing this out, but feels like I should. Actually, I do know why I'm typing it and will elaborate when I get back. brb.

Though you wouldn't know unless I told you, took longer to try and adjust this homeless looking beard I sport these days. Looks better being cropped down a bit, not gonna lie. Plus, I still got a beard. I'll friggin take it.

But, to elaborate on the reason I'm typing more like I'm having a one-sided conversation with you (the reader.... lol, 'reader') is because I'm also trying to test to see if while I'm gone for these next 2 months if anyone gives enough of a fuck to actually reach out to me through other means other than discord or Steam to see how I might be doing. Plenty of friends have my direct contact information, but I want to see if while I'm gone if any of them will actually put forth the effort to see how I'm doing or if our friendship begins and ends when I'm online.

I feel that sometimes I make sure I'm available for everyone, but when I need someone, it's a bit "too bad, so sad, maybe next time" and even in my 40s, that sucks. It's already hard enough to make friends as an adult, I don't need to continually relive my high school years well into adulthood. Feeling like those who you thought would give a damn act like they don't burns a little and I get spiteful because of it. Had one last huzzah this weekend as a means of trying out the latest Jackbox pack and spending one last weekend with my "friends" before going AFK for some time.

Friday night was OK, but still nothing like it's been in the past. Saturday? Was like trying to squeeze blood from a stone. Then, to polish it off, around 2 a.m. my time, I see three people I'd love to have come and played in a different server, playing a different game and not coming to hang out with me. Now, I'm an overly sensitive bitch, but I'm not gonna talk to any of these people until they talk to me, so to have them know I'm going away for awhile and not at least giving me that time of day kinda stung, but.... I need to learn to let that kind of shit go, but it's REALLY hard because whenever they're ready to go, so am I.... guess turnabout is not fair play, it's whenever they feel like it.

This is only part one of what I want to write, however my brain is getting muddled and don't think I can do the next part I want to talk about justice, so I'm going to wrap this up for now and continue more when the itch to write strikes again.

Define the irony of what I typed merely a paragraph ago to what I'm doing right now.

Hot mess doesn't begin to describe me. <3

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virgojeons · 4 years

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true love (jjk)

summary: you and jungkook spend your first christmas together.

alternatively, a merry love story based on the lyrics of true love by ariana grande.

genre: fluff, humor, college au, established relationship, holiday series, jeon jungkook x reader

word count: 4.6k

warnings: cursing, implied sexual content, excessive use of pet names

wattpad version here, ao3 version here

a/n: well, here i am!! pls be gentle with me, this is the first time ive ever posted my writing on here and ive been debating it for months lmao. i truly truly hope u enjoy!!

on the first day of christmas when you gave me all them kisses, boy you showed me things, come hold me please and never let me go.

"Five days until Christmas and you're still decorating the tree?"

You yelped at the sudden sound of your boyfriend's voice, dropping your over-accessorized ornament and watching helplessly as it shattered against the floor.

Immediately, you whined. "Jungkook!"

Jungkook suppressed a grin at the furrow of your eyebrows and the pout of your lips, kicking his shoes off and tossing his coat onto the couch. He didn't mean to scare you, really. You even knew he was coming over. It's just that you left the front door unlocked (as you always did when he was on his way, despite him constantly scolding you for it) and there was no way you would've heard him come in over the sound of Jingle Bell Rock blaring through the house.

"Sorry, baby," He chuckled, bending down beside you to help pick up the remnants of your best ornament. "I didn't mean to scare you."

You glared at him in between collecting the shards of glass in your hand. "I spent hours making that."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Hot glue gun burns, sparkles stuck on my face and everything."

Jungkook took the pieces of glass from you with an amused look on his face, standing from his kneeling position to toss them in the trash can you had earlier moved to the living room for easy access. "I'm sorry. I'll make you another one."

"It's not the same." You sulked, finding fun in being stubborn and giving him a hard time. It was getting increasingly difficult though, with his rosy nose and ears and that little gleam in his eyes.

It was then that he made his first move of the night, tugging you by your oversized Rudolph sweater so quickly that you had to latch onto his shoulders for leverage with a squeal. His grin only seemed to grow once you were officially in his space, taking notice of your lack of pants and the snowflake stockings that appeared to be in their place instead.

"You don't look too sorry," You chuckled, heart stuttering at the way he was gazing down at you in such close proximity.

Jungkook shrugged, nudging his nose with yours. "I'm just happy."

They were such simple words, but it was the way he said them, the way he looked at you when he said them. You couldn’t lie, the excitement of spending your first Christmas together, completely alone, was incredibly infectious. It was gross and it was corny and everything else you swore you would never be, but you were in love with Jungkook. Devastatingly so. You from nine months ago probably wouldn’t even recognize the present you; a fact that friends, family, and even Jungkook alike loved to tease you about. Cracking the so-called ice queen was a feat to be celebrated, apparently. Whatever. He was yours and you were his so you didn’t quite care about the technicalities of it. Even if the story went a bit differently, in your opinion.

The brutal snow and temperatures of February were beginning to fade into spring when you met Jungkook.

You and Jimin had been attempting to finish your economics homework together in your favorite coffee shop; a hidden treasure that was a ten minute walk from campus and ticked all your aesthetic boxes. You two were sipping from your respective hot drinks, neglecting your heaps of bookwork in favor of discussing the new season of Stranger Things. Jimin was deep into his theory of Hopper still being alive when his eyes flickered to the door at the sound of the bell, widening slightly in recognition before a bright smile took over his face.

"Jungkook!" Jimin called, waving whoever it was over.

You followed his gaze and turned your head in the direction of the entrance, growing curious when the boy walking towards your table wasn't familiar to you. It took you less than five seconds to realize that the boy in question was attractive.

Like, extremely attractive. The kind of attractive that should not be subjected to the way you look right now.

It took you even less time to whip your head back around, glaring at Jimin with wide eyes and a panicked expression.

He met your glare with a confused scrunch of his eyebrows before it slowly transformed into a smirk, quickly catching on to what your pointed look was for. The night before had been a late one. You, like any other normal millennial, had impulse bought a pretty yellow Nintendo Switch solely for the new Animal Crossing game. As soon as it arrived on your doorstep you were retreating into your room, tearing the package open with squeals of excitement.

Maybe you completely lost track of time and played until your eyes were bloodshot and you heard birds chirping outside. Maybe you got an astounding two hours of sleep. And maybe you had fallen asleep without setting an alarm and woke up thirty minutes later than usual.

The details were insignificant though, because you were throwing on a pair of leggings and the first sweatshirt you saw, brushing your hair and your teeth, and hastily sprinting to your car all in record time.

No sleep. No makeup. No breakfast. And worst of all, no coffee.

And so, it was blatantly clear you had no desire to let a boy that beautiful even glance at you in that state, let alone introduce himself. But it didn't look like you had a choice in the matter, because moments later he was towering over your table with a stupidly handsome smile.

Jungkook grinned, reaching out to do that Weird Bro Handshake with Jimin. "Hey, Chim."

You were already plotting various methods of painful revenge in your head.

"Hey, Kook. What are you doing here?"

"I kind of work here," He chuckled. "Well, as of like, yesterday. Today's my first day."

"Oh, so this is the new job you were telling me about," Jimin nodded in realization, then his eyes flickered mischievously to yours. You’re rapidly shaking your head. "You know, this is my friend ___'s favorite coffee spot."

A scowl immediately takes over your face, only to be wiped off and replaced by a sickeningly sweet smile when Jungkook turns his head to look your way. The instant your eyes meet his you quite literally want to melt into the floor.

Jungkook smiles at you. Like, really smiles. "Hey, that's cool. We'll probably be seeing a lot of each other then, right?"

Across the table, Jimin snorts, which only adds to the way your cheeks are absolutely flaming. You send a harsh kick to Jimin's leg as inconspicuously as you can, all while batting your eyelashes at Jungkook.

"Uh, yeah! We probably... will."

Jungkook looks positively amused, but if he notices Jimin rushing to clutch his leg, he doesn't say anything.

"Sweet," He grins again. There's a brief few seconds where you two are just gazing at each other, stupid and shy, until Jimin loudly clears his throat. "Right, well, I should probably go clock in. Let's chill sometime this week, Chim."

"Sure thing." Jimin sings, smugness plastered all over his face.

Jungkook waves, already backing away from the table with his eyes on you. "Nice meeting you."

You feel yourself flush again and you absolutely hate it. "Nice meeting you too."

With a final smile, Jungkook disappears behind the employee doors. The moment he leaves your eyes are screwed shut and you're slamming your head against the table. The silence speaks for itself. You don't even need to see Jimin's face to know that he's either smirking or stifling his laughter.

"Don't." You warn.

"You just blushed," He says anyway. "Like, four times."

"I most definitely did not blush."

"You did. You still are."

"I'm embarrassed!" You wail. "That's literally the only reason why. I look like I got ran over and dragged for three blocks."

"Jungkook sure doesn't seem to think so," Jimin hums, snickering as he sips his coffee.

"Stop."

"He likes you." He insists.

"He was just being polite." You defend.

"That is literally my childhood best friend. I think I would know."

This makes you pause. Then you sigh. "He doesn't even know me."

He doesn’t disagree. But then again, "Not yet."

"Stop trying to play matchmaker, Jimin. He said five words to me," You spoke firmly, exasperated as you downed the final sip of your latte. "Plus, I'm just focusing on me and my degree right now. No distractions."

Jimin knew that you were already worn out, and even though he was mostly joking around, he wouldn’t want to push you any further. He’d drop it.

"Fine. We'll see who's right in the end, though."

For now.

"I will dump that hot coffee over your head."

As it turns out, Jimin was kind of right.

It takes a grand total of four visits to your favorite coffee shop before Jungkook asks you out. The first time you were by yourself, nose buried in a book as Jungkook was clocking in. He wasn't able to speak to you until about an hour later, when the morning rush had passed and you had finally lifted your head from whatever was in that book.

You were honestly dreading facing him again, but you were prepared and actually presentable this time. Also you were kind of starving. And so, you hesitantly approached the counter. Jungkook took your order, both of you all fidgeting hands and sheepish smiles. You mentally patted yourself on the back when you spoke without any real mess-ups, and prayed that the cool girl aura you always tried so desperately to maintain was being transmitted.

Not like you were trying to leave a lasting impression, or anything.

He hand delivered you your coffee and muffin with a beaming grin, all while his new boss glared at him from behind the counter. He didn't have to know that you knew cashiers weren't supposed to serve the food.

The second visit was a few days after. You were with Jimin again, shooting down every jab he made about you only wearing a pretty dress because you knew you would be coming here. Jungkook joined you both during his break. As soon as he untied his apron and sat himself directly across from you, it struck. You knew you were screwed. You just couldn't stop staring at him. The chin in the palm of your hands and sparkles in your eyes type of staring. You would be much more ashamed if you couldn’t see the way he was staring right back. Jimin found this hilarious, of course, and would subtly find ways to connect you two in conversation. You weren't sure if you loved or hated him for it.

It was that visit that Jungkook insisted on sharing his slice of strawberry cake with you, claiming he wasn't that hungry. The both of you were embarrassed, whacking his arm and dismissing him as Jimin complained about being the third wheel. By the end of his break, Jungkook was positively smitten, you were begrudgingly infatuated, and Jimin was awfully smug. He reluctantly said bye to you both, and you were slouching forward with your head in your hands the moment he disappeared from visibility.

Jimin looked extremely pleased. "Believe me now?"

"Focusing on school," You protested. It was a weak one, but. Well.

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?" He mused.

And suddenly, you were frantic. Panicking. This was definitely not a part of the plan.

Quickly packing up your things, you groaned loudly. "You. Maybe me. Or both. I can't think in this place anymore."

"You'll be all over each other by next week."

"Shh!" You were childishly covering your ears and speed-walking out of the café.

Try as you might, you couldn't help yourself and returned the very next day after all your classes had finished. Jungkook was already there when you walked in, taking a customer's order but doing a double take and flashing you a smile when you appeared in his line of sight. This visit consisted of nothing but pretending.

Pretending to be studying. Pretending you weren't listening to him take orders just to hear his voice. Pretending you weren't sneaking glances at him. Pretending that the way your eyes kept meeting wasn't making your skin prickle. And you were just fine pretending, until suddenly he was in the seat across from with you his apron off and a steaming hot chocolate in hand. You tried your hardest to remain indifferent, you really did. But then he was pushing the beverage towards you with gentle eyes and his smile hopeful, telling you it was his treat because he noticed how hard you were studying. And then you were melting right along with the marshmallows in that mug.

The two of you talked about your majors, your families, your favorite shows, even Jimin. You asked about his tattoos and he explained them with ease. You also may have pulled out one of the oldest tricks in the book at the sight of his knuckle tattoos, gasping in feigned wonder when you pulled his hand against yours to measure the size difference.

His hand could swallow yours whole and still have some leftover, you discovered. It was a very rewarding experiment.

You made each other laugh and blush down to the very last second of his break. Scarily enough, being in each other's presence was so annoyingly addictive that you found yourself hesitant to watch him leave. You could tell Jungkook felt the same by the way he dragged out his goodbyes. I work again on Thursday, maybe I'll see you then? Your fingers brushed as he softly took the mug from you. It was really fun talking to you. You were biting your lip to keep from smiling embarrassingly big. You look really pretty today, by the way. And then he was off.

You made a strangled noise the second you were outside with your fingers frantically beginning to type a message to Jimin.

promise not to say i told you so :///

Jungkook asked you out on your fourth visit. As soon as you approached the counter, he just blurted it out. As if it was something he couldn't hold on his tongue any longer. You couldn't hear yourself say yes over your brain malfunctioning and the powerful thumping of your heart, but you knew you did. His heartbreakingly gorgeous grin told you so.

On his break, Jungkook brought you a latte with a heart carved in the cream. You just couldn't conceal the coo that escaped you, which quickly resulted in his cheeks reddening.

Cute, you thought.

He quizzed you on your personality and the type of activities you liked to do, admitting that he would use the information to conjure up the best date you would ever go on. Six days later, Jungkook stayed true to his word. Not only was it the best date you had ever been on, but you were completely certain it would ruin any other dates for you moving forward, unless they were with him. Much to your annoyance and also utter delight, you were so sure of Jeon Jungkook and your brief but striking time together that you kissed him. Right on the swings of your favorite childhood playground, first date rules tossed aside.

He was so caught off guard that his eyes expanded to twice their normal size and your teeth banged together. You drew back, slightly mortified and ready to jump to your death from the tallest slide on the playground, but Jungkook was huffing a laugh onto your lips and grabbing your face like it was nothing. Then you two got it just right, and something clicked. The earth fell off its axis and you were rendered breathless and all that nauseating cliché shit you chastised as a myth. And from that day forward, you two were completely, tooth-rottingly, inseparable.

"Easy," Jungkook proclaimed, pecking your lips. "We finished the tree."

He set you back on the floor gently, releasing a dramatic breath of air as if lifting you to place the star on top of the tree had actually winded him. As if he wasn't a muscle pig. You rolled your eyes and told him as much.

"Don't be a baby, muscle pig," You shoved at his bicep, only proving your point further when he didn't move an inch. ‘And I finished the tree.”

Instead, he caught the hand that you nudged him with and pulled your back to his chest, caging you between his arms. "Muscle pig, huh? That's what you think of me, baby?"

You flushed at the teasing lilt in his voice, suddenly very eager to escape his hold. But try as you might, he just wouldn't budge. A loud laugh left your throat as you flailed in his grasp, his muscled arms bulging in the turtleneck you bought him for his birthday a few months ago. Suddenly, you decided that you would be returning it for your own personal peace.

A high pitched whine left your mouth, one that lost all its seriousness once it was drowned out by your giggles. "Jungkook, let go of me!"

You would just not stop wiggling, and Jungkook could not stop laughing. He could live the rest of his life like this, his brain pauses to think. He's so happy.

And when you're thrashing so violently that your heel kicks his pocket with a force that has an object clattering onto the floor, Jungkook has never reacted faster in his life. Instantly your imprisonment is gone, and Jungkook is on your floor in a flash. Your eyebrows draw together at the sight of him scrambling for whatever it is, and all you're able to see is a sleek black case before he's quickly stuffing it back in his pocket.

You're eyeing him when he rises back on his feet. "Feel like sharing?"

Jungkook whistles noncommittally. "Not particularly, no."

There's a drawn-out beat of silence where you're just gazing at each other, neither one of you backing down. And then you're crossing your arms, and he's looking at your nose and your forehead and anywhere but your eyes, and then you're arching an eyebrow. He looks at you and breaks. Defeat.

"It's your present," He lets out a heavy sigh. "Well, the main one anyway."

You positively squeal. "Ooh! Can I see? Please?"

"Baby, it's the 20th."

"Can I have a hint?"

Jungkook blinks. "No, you cannot have a hint."

You're instantly pouting, but Jungkook expects that, because he knows you better than anyone else. Which is why he knows that you're a little spoiled, with a bit of a bratty streak, with just a dash of calculated charm that you use to your advantage to get just about anything you want. He's never seen it as a bad thing. In fact, he finds it cute. A little hot, too, if he's being truthful.

Anyway, he came prepared. Just as you're opening your mouth to no doubt make him spill the surprise, he's hushing you with a bruising kiss to your lips. The kind of kiss that makes you go pliant against him, the kind that makes you make a little noise in the back of your throat. The kind you've been waiting for all night.

It’s the trick that never truly runs its course.

And Jungkook is melting, too. Melting, turning to mush at your very feet, until you're moving backwards and clutching at his shoulders, ready to push him onto the couch.

"Mmm," He's humming against you, before he reluctantly draws back. He lets you chase his lips once, twice, before he chuckles lowly. "Hold on, angel."

You're suddenly feeling warm all over after his kisses, wanting nothing more than to cuddle into him into the couch and feel him next to you. Or maybe above you. With that chain you always tugged on dangling in your face. You really weren't picky.

You watched Jungkook break away from you and rummage through his bag with a frown and a newfound heat at the pit of your belly. "It can't wait?"

Like he said, he knows you, which means he knew kisses alone wouldn’t be able to satiate you nor get you to stop asking questions for the entire week. No matter how mind-numbing they may be.

"One second," He promised, and you definitely counted at least five, but he quickly found what he was looking for all the same. "I brought a surprise. Well, two surprises."

He was holding both of his hands behind his back with this stupid grin on his face. You squinted for a few seconds, suspicious, before breathing out a laugh. "Are you ever gonna show me?"

Jungkook looked way too happy with himself.

"The most important surprise is mistletoe, obviously. Gonna have to find a way to glue it on to the ceiling above your bed." And there was that mischievous little smile that told you he had every intention of carrying that out.

You folded your arms over your body and scoffed. Even if you were trying and failing to keep your lips from quirking up and possibly, maybe finding it a little harder to breathe all of a sudden. "You're unbelievable, Jeon."

He just winked and held up his other hand, pulling a gasp from your lips the second you realized what it was.

"The Polar Express!"

"I had to check like, four different stores in the mall to find it. That's why I got here a little late, by the way. But I thought we could make some hot chocolate like in the movie and watch it together and," Jungkook pauses to think, licking his lips. "There's a 'ride my train' joke in here somewhere but I don't know how to say it."

He's snorting at his own delivery before you are, and once your giggles permeate the air he's invading your space again with a lovesick smile.

"You are the sweetest boy," You praise, holding his pretty face with both hands and peppering small kisses all over it the way he secretly likes. "But you make me sick to my stomach sometimes."

If anything, this makes him smile even wider. "I love you too, baby."

You and Jungkook are in complete darkness besides the light coming from the TV in your room playing Polar Express. His head is on your shoulder with his arm strewn across your waist, and his entire leg slotted between yours. He's soft. He smells like the lavender body soap you keep in your shower. His gentle breaths hit your neck every time he exhales and you're now cliché enough to believe that the heart underneath you beats in tandem with yours.

Both of your stomachs are filled from the takeout he ordered for dinner and the peppermint hot chocolate you made while he was in the shower. You're still mentally replaying the moment he stepped back in your room, towel wrapped around his waist with droplets of water cascading down his body. His prominent abs and tattoos and wet hair had you scrambling to sit up, clearing your throat as you tasked yourself with handing him his mug. If he noticed you ogling him, he surely didn’t react to it.

Made us some cocoa, you said.

He brought the beverage to his nose and sniffed once, twice, before his entire face bunched up. Peppermint is nasty. Then he was gulping it down.

I thought it was nasty, you laughed in disbelief.

Nothing you make me can be nasty. Thank you, baby.

And now you’re thoroughly warm from the tips of your fingertips down to your toes, and you figure it has less to do with the cocoa and more with the way Jungkook so obviously loves you. The way you love him.

Feeling a tugging at your shirt, you look down to see him peering up at you with a dazed twinkle in his eye. "You're not hot in this?"

You purse your lips and pause, knowing what was coming. "No. Are you?"

He has the decency to look a little clueless. He was always doing that, in a playfully childish way you grew to love.

"Actually, yeah I am," Jungkook furrows his brows, like it was something he was just now realizing. And then he's sitting up and pulling his shirt over his head, and you're instantly staring at his back and remembering the way it feels to rake your fingers up and down it, and he's turning back to you with a lazy smirk. "You don't wanna take yours off, angel?"

You swallow. "I'm okay."

Jungkook starts to laugh, that cocky laugh that is equal parts douchebag-ish and sexy. He's most definitely turning you on and he most definitely knows this, which is why you're glaring at him until he reaches over you and picks up the mistletoe from your bedside desk. He dangles it over your heads, makes sure to wriggle his eyebrows suggestively when he does it, and you want to laugh, you really do. You would probably roll your eyes and call him a nerd too while you were at it, if it weren't for the way he was changing his position and starting to lean over you. Crowding your space in your favorite way.

Jungkook hears your breathing pick up once you're directly under him, watches the way your lips part and your eyes change for him, and decides to go for the kill.

Nothing about the kiss was soft or gentle. Jungkook clearly had a point to prove and knew how he wanted to do it. The dangling mistletoe was soon forgotten in favor of holding your face by your chin, landing with a chime on your wooden floors. He worked your mouth open in that sloppy, messy, dirty way he only exhibited when he was feeling particularly desperate. Saliva pooled at the corners of your mouth and you were trembling underneath him, clutching at the warm skin of his back. It was nasty, absolutely obscene the way his tongue was in your mouth like his life depended on it. And you loved it. You couldn't stop making these little sounds, and Jungkook was groaning into your mouth right along with you. You were seconds away from pleading for him to do anything he wanted, to make you his, when he's abruptly pulling from you with a wet pop and a string of saliva between you.

Your ragged breaths fill the air, both of your chests heaving as you take a second to attempt to drag yourself out of the haze he's built around you two.

The asshole has the audacity to laugh. "Hot yet?"

"You don't have to bring out the mistletoe to kiss me, you know." You eventually say instead.

"I know," He pants, still smiling like the all-consuming beauty he is. "But you love Christmas. And it's our first. Wanna do it right."

You feel the need to close your eyes, let his words sink in, and so you do. You let the statement blanket over you until you're positively beaming, and when you open your eyes, he is the same. You are so irreversibly in love and you think he might be perfect. You tell him as much.

"You're perfect," You say, all soft and starry eyed. You're nodding when he starts shaking his head, and when the tips of his ears begin to turn red and he's putting his head down, you're giggling and putting both hands on either side of his head to get his eyes back on yours. "I love you a lot."

Jungkook is so happy. "Love you most."

And then he's leaning down again. This kiss is much less frantic, more steady, but still passionate and still with Jungkook, which means it fills your body with heat all the same. Your head is floating and you're squirming under his hold again when you break apart for air.

There's no point in trying to resist him anymore. You never can.

"I'm gonna take my sweater off now."

Jungkook scrunches his nose, and grins. "Okay."

read part two here!

#bts #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook fanfic #jungkook imagine #jungkook x reader #fluff #humor #jungkook fanfiction #jeongguk #kpop #kpop fanfic #jungkook au #jungkook series #jeongguk x reader

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sunarou · 4 years

Text

Plushie talk ⟨Shirabu, Ushijima, Oikawa⟩

·͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

—In where the reader still hugs stuffed animals to sleep.

—Word count: 907

—Genre: Fluff

—A/N: I wrote this cause, uh I relate to it HAHAHA <3 hope u enjoy it 🥺🥺 (also this my first time writing for Ushiwaka and Shirabu ahh^^)

— "What?" Shirabu says as he opens the door to you cuddling with your stuffed rabbit

—You sit up, looking at him. "What?" You reply, Shirabu points at the plushie, "Oh, I need it to sleep," you smile, hugging the rabbit closer.

—He was in denial, he would never tell you but like he would definitely kill for the rabbits position right now, "How childish," He mutters as he walks up to your bed, "Hey! Not at all, it's just I've had this toy for so long that I can't let go," You explained

— "I see, how long?" He asks as he sits at the end of the bed, "Basically since I was 5! My mom gave it to me," you answered,

— "I guess that's acceptable.." he mumbles as he flops down, you begin to play around with Shirabu using your plushie.

— "At least Y/N hugs me every night, unlike you" you said in a deeper voice, Shirabu's face twitches, "S-Shut up, it's not like I can't hug her if I wanted..!" he says.

— "Yeah but whenever you're not here, I'm the one she hugs!" You say again, "You know what Mr. Rabbit," he says as he reaches for the plushie, throwing it behind him

— "Hey!" You yell as Shirabu takes your wrist, "Like Mr. Rabbit said, I don't get to hug you whenever I'm not around so.. while I'm here I should be the one hugging you" He says as his face heats up, 'That was so fucking corny..' he told himself.

—He wouldn't judge you of course, he would honestly think it was pretty cute of you.

— "Okay Shirabu, you can act as Mr. Rabbit today" You say as you tackle him on the bed, hugging him like you would with your plushie, Shirabu just sighs, holding you close as well.

—The first time he saw you cuddling one of your dozen plushies to sleep, he asked himself 'Am I dating a child?'

—He later learns that, that plushie was actually given to you by someone special that's passed away,

— "This plushie always gives me good dreams whenever I sleep with it, before when I didn't have it I always got nightmares, but my grandmother gave it to me in order to chase away those nightmares, it really did!" You explain

— "That's a really interesting story," he says, "Yeah, I just hope you don't find me childish that is," you nervously laugh, "Of course not, everyone has something they get comforted by, and for you it's your toy, so why think of it as childish?" Ushijima says

— "That's true, what about you Ushi? Do you have something that comforts you?" You ask, crawling closer to him, as the two of you sit on your bed.

— "Well, there's volleyball and my team," He starts off, you sweatdrop. "There's also this amazing girl, named Y/N," as he looks at you, his face completely serious.

—You blush as you lightly hit him, "You don't say that with a serious face! You should've smiled or something!" You said, flustered. Ushijima lightly chuckles.

— "Is it bad to be serious?" He asks, raising one of his brows, "No.." you said, placing your plushie beside you, "I don't think I need him tonight," you said

— "Hm? Why?" He asks, as you wrap your arms around him, "Cause whenever you're here, I get good dreams too!" You smile as Ushijima turns away.

— "Y/N~" he calls out knocking at your bedroom door, "Come in," you say as the door opens to your boyfriend.

— "Whatever you say," wrapping his arm around you, bringing you closer to him.

— "Whoa, it's my first time in your room, it's really cute~ Ah you have so many plushies" He says as he examines them closer.

— "Yeah, this one's my favorite though," you show him your cat plushie, "Hm? Why is that?" He asks, as he looks around your room some more.

— "Well, I don't know either, I just have some attachment to it," You explain, "That's cute" Oikawa says as he places down his bag on the floor opening it, it was full of snacks and skin care products.

— "Do you sleep with it?" He asks as he pours some liquid on his hand, then applies it on his face, spreading it all over. "Yeah, I actually can't sleep without it," You answer,

— "So you'll hug that tonight instead of me?" He asks dramatically, you giggle as you nod.

—Oikawa sighs, wiping the excess liquid off his hands, "Then I'll be cold and lonely tonight!" He continues, "I'll go get you a blanket," You say standing up, "Wait! Nope!" He says as he blocks your way, "You can just hug me tonight, treat me like- like your plushie" Oikawa pouts, "I wouldn't be able to sleep then!" You said,

— "Just try it for tonight will you?" He asks as you sit back down on your bed, "Fine, but if I get nightmares it's your fault," You say as you place your cat plushie on the shelf, Oikawa goes to the washroom to wash off the mask.

—When he joined you in the bed, you immediately latch yourself on him, "You asleep already?" He whispers as he heard light snores coming from you, believe it or not, that night was the best sleep you've had for a while.

~Love Lola 🦋

#haikyuu #haikyuu imagines #haikyuuwritersnet #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu oikawa #haikyuu ushijima #haikyuu shirabu

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mydayserenade · 3 years

Text

Forevermore

> Jake X OC

> fluff, romcom, ermmm soft hours?!?

> my writing has been kinda rusty since my break so apologies if it's not compelling.

> first time writing with an enhypen member so please bear with me 😭

> this fic is dedicated to someone special!

> will be written in Jake's POV, idk how to write in third person anymore 😭

"It's not that obvious is it?" I showed Jay my little thing of an invention that I had just finished working on a few hours ago. He looks at me all puzzled and immediately laughs at the object I was holding, he grabbed it off my hand and examined it carefully while squinting his eyes and playing it around to ensure it is usable, twisting the top part of the avocado and tossing it up in the air.

"Yeah sure, I mean it does look like an ordinary avocado". Jay passes it to me playfully and crosses his arms while leaning on the marble counter and stares at me like I'm some sort of lunatic for creating this idea, like he’s the expert in the love department. "Have you planned any speech beforehand or will you just ask her dead on? I mean I wouldn't know what to say if I had given that kind of surprise to my significant other, they would probably think I'm either cheap or nuts." he asked while scrolling through his phone, clearly not interested to hear my answer. “Well maybe if you’d stop looking at your phone we could have a conversation.” I snatched the phone off his hand and threw it in the cup-board behind me, he tried reaching for though but in the end he failed. “Now can you listen to me? For once?” Jay shook his head and rested his palm on his cheek leaning near the counter. “I thought of this idea cause I know she would've wanted this to happen, plus I got a great speech in mind to go with this.... fruit... theme." I elaborated to him the plan with excessive arm motions which suprisingly helped considering how Jay was suddenly very enthusiastic towards my set-up. "Oh Jake, you are such a corny fellow my bro." He pats me on the shoulder and proceeds to enter his room hearing laughter fill in as he closed the door. It may have sounded obnoxious to him but I am the only one who knows the way to my girlfriend's heart.

The night has finally come and it's around 8 PM, Jay had kindly allowed me to borrow his BMW for as long as I payed him back by giving him a foot massage... honestly what a jackass for him to even suggest that but either way this is a special night for the both of us so might as well get what I can take to impress my lady on this beautiful twilight. "Since when did you buy a BMW?" Ah yes, I hear her sassy but ever so soft tone ring my ears as footsteps draw closer to the sidewalk. There she was, standing right in front of me in her most angelic presence and attire while here I was completely stuttering and sweating in front of her, not doing a great job in hiding the surprise am I? "Well a little bribe to Jay cannot hurt anybody right?" she pinches my cheeks and pecks a kiss on one of them "Oh sweetie." She exclaimed "I know Jay got something set-up for you doesn't he?" From then she had already gone to the passenger seat and cozied up in the leather cushion way ahead of me, well at least she's comfortable that's what and it didn't matter nonetheless if I had to scrub someone's heel for 30 minutes.

We've arrived at our destination and thank God that no one was visiting the beach, I mean who would even decided to take a dip in the salty waters around 10 p.m? I got out of the car first and made sure that my quote on quote "box" was still intact from then I picked up the picnic basket in the trunk and opened the car door for Ria with a dashing smile, she must've been flustered by my swiftness cause I can see her blushing and at the same time she slapped me pretty hard by the arm. I guess my good looks are that killer huh? We set down the checkered blanket and propped ourselves down facing the ocean view, the cold breeze wasn't really a good welcome to us but it was bearable wnough to accompany us in this very nerve-wrecking but special night. I don't know if Ria noticed me or not but I couldn't really swallow my food nor enjoyed the red wine as I had the urge to shit in my pants out of anxiety and just being tense over-all... I mean as much as I know she loves me, I just want this to work. I want to share my life with her and see us together when we grow old and become the married couple that everyone dreams of becoming. After several hours of chatting and laughing (I think she was kinda clueless as to why we were here even if she had given me weird stares every now and then) it was time for me to do the thing that I have been meaning to do ever since I decided on this.

"Hey Ria". I asked her and she turned her head towards me following her fragrant and soft hair that landed gracefully on her shoulders. "Yeah?" "I have an avocado here, I was thinking of doing this recipe I found on the internet but problem is I don't know how to open it." "But you've opened an avocado before though?" she asked me in confusion cause she knew that I had always cracked open the avocado when making her favorite breakfast toast, I gulp deeply and shook to the core, I was at a lost of excuses. I didn't want my cover to completely blow up so I had to keep my composure and calm myself down to not lose my train of thought. "Umm yeah, but I just wanted you to open it for me. You look cute everytime you cook or prep for me in the kitchen." She did look at me like I was insane and did not completely buy what I said to her but she continued to do it anyways, out of love... So I guess the excuse worked? She started to use the butter knife to create slits at the sides of the fruit, "Doesn't this avocado seem kinda weird for you?" She asked me as she tried to twist the avocado to open up the inside, seeing her with furrowed brows and a scrunched up nose always makes my heart tremble... just thought you should know. As Ria grunted and applied all the pressure she could exert, the fruit finally opened and presented to her a green smushy inside with the big pit. She then goes to use the knife in removing the seed, using the front of the knife to bluntly slice the seed and twisted it to remove it. As she slowly pulled the seed away from the green inside, a bright and shimmering gem appeared right before her eyes.

A ring.

"Jake you’re seriously-?" she dropped both items in her hands and covered her mouth in shock, guess now its my cue?

"Ria, my beloved. It has been many years since our eyes met, our first kiss and that day where I surprised you with a crate full of your favorite fruit. You accepted that gift with open arms and a kiss, now I want to ask you, will you say avoca-DO to this avocado?" she immediately said yes while shaking her head fervently and in tears, I guess she didn't quite catch my little pun I just did cause she immediately jumped into my arms but who cares? What matters to me at this very moment in time is that I, Jake Sim, will finally get to spend my days, months, time and years together with my forever, my world, my rock.

@jakethereal for you ♥️ belated hhhhhhhhhhhhhbd bub ✨ wishing you nothing but the best for your new year and all of the good things to come your way ❤️ i am glad to have spent another amazing year with my strong-ass partner in crime. love u loads and always remember that i am here for you!

#enhypen #enhypen jake #jake sim

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heykillmongerluhme · 5 years

Text

G H O S T: Onto Me

I N S P O: Haunted x Beyoncé (Listen to if you want to height experience); Also the whole BEYONCÉ album just for a different feel

N O T E: Soo, this is my first Erik Stevens installation and I will probably do many more. I love to write, just period. This is short, it may end up to be something more, I really don’t know. I am just following my Muse Juice lol. Comments, Feedbacks, and any other things please give me! I appreciate it all. Please, enjoy.

W A R N: I am an adult and everything is 21+. I write angst, fluff, and smut. I will try everything to be as real as possible. If there are any deep triggers, it will be stated after this disclaimer. Some chapters may have lyrics, others may not. It will all depend on the chapter.

T R I G G E R: Alcohol; Anxiety

W O R D: 3.1k

G H O S T: Onto Me

I'm climbing up the walls 'cause all the shit I hear is boring. All the shit I do is boring.

“Do you trust me?” the warm breath brushed on her exposed stomach.

Flat in its natural state, it churned to anything but. Soft, rhythmic breathing filled her bedroom as she watched the figure beneath her. Her eyes must have been filled with dark lust because the only thing that she felt was the heaviness on her bottom half. Only a silhouette in her view. She wanted to moan their name but she was interrupted by a sting from a bite.

“Ow..” Soliyah giggled softly, eyes fluttered down to the dominating figure that drove her up the wall. The question still not answered by Soliyah was the reason for her punishment of the love bite against her belly.

“I asked, do you trust me?” the figure questioned along her stomach with a short growl intertwining with their words. Trust receiving the lowest octave. Soliyah’s eyes finally flutter open, but slightly. Her eyes landed on what seemed to be an amber-like hue pair back at her. Breathlessly, she nodded.

“Say it” the eyes growled back to her, consuming her body in their hands. Lips planted on her stomach, hands trailing to her love spot.

Her bottom falling limply as she cried out “I trust..you⎼”

EGH!EGH!EGH!EGH!EGH!

“Hmm..” Soliyah whined as her face plastered in her ivory and periwinkle Egyptian Cotton bedsheet. She wasn’t frustrated because she had to go to her dead-end job, but because this was the 2nd time that she has had that exact dream. It would always stop right there, though. She could never see who the mystery figure who had invaded her dreams for the past 3 weeks. Soli did attend a bachelorette party around that same time, but she couldn’t be that deprived could she? Her brown slit of eyes watched as her iPhone clock changed from 6:55 AM to 6:56 AM. Planning for her day ahead she managed to swing her relaxed thighs from under the covers.

Soliyah was always curious as to why that quote-on quote wet dream, felt more like a real-life simulation. She made a note to herself that only two glasses of wine should suffice for her daily nightcaps after work. The 27-year-old, Soliyah Burnett was fortunate enough to become an adjunct professor for Charles R. Drew University of Medicine and Science. She was looking forward to a promotion to become a permanent professor. Also, she is waiting to be placed with a hospital for her residency.

She did not always want to be a doctor, it sort of just became her destiny. Soli, as everyone would call her, always knew that her job was always going to be to heal people. Though she would like to become a permanent professor, she wanted to be a doctor more. Her thoughts of her future - the one she would have daily - clouded her mind before she became alerted of a Facetime call from her long-time friend, Nala. Yes, like The Lion King. Let’s just say, moms was obsessed. She flicked the excess water from her fingers from the sink, sliding the call waiting to the right.

“Yuurp” she bellowed through brushed gums.

“Ew, girl answer the phone like a regular person” a wrinkle formed over Nala’s nose as a goofy glance of disdain fell. “Good Morning!!” her words changed to her frequently up-so-happy attitude.

“You are too loud this morning, I don’t be gettin’ it” Soli mumbled before spitting out the froth of the minty toothpaste into the sink of running water. It was true, Nala was definitely a morning person and it didn’t help that they worked at the same place. Matter of fact, Nala put in a good word for her, seeing as though that she is on the Board of Directors at the school.

“How can you not be up in the morning? When you have your own practice, and you will” she affirmed to her always doubting friend “You gon’ have to be gettin’ that ass up around, like, 4:00 AM at least”

Her eyebrows raised as the echo of the ridiculous time ranged in Soli apartment bathroom. “L-O-L” she actually spelled out, she was corny like that sometimes. “You are funny, I’ma see how I can finesse that to be ‘Nah’”.

With her laidback slur that ran from her bewitching face, one would be confused. A delicate woman that looks like she, but had the heart and brute strength of confident language. You would not know that she was a professor to over 400 students - not simultaneously - and may obtain her residency at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. Everything was going to be set.

x x

“Tonight’s the big night!” Nala cheered through the speakers of Soliyah’s Onyx 2018 BMW 6 Series Gran Turismo. She let out a sigh that was becoming well needed by the hour. Tonight she was going to find out where she was going to be placed. It was Sinai or nothing else, it was going to be that.

“Yeees, I am so nervous” she confessed to her best friend. They were those type of friends, talked on the way to work and at work and on the way home. They practically grew up attached at the umbilical cord. Unbeknownst to the mothers, they delivered them both at the hospital a day apart and turned out to be new neighbors to one another, as both families were of newlyweds. Small world would be an understatement. Soliyah never questioned the universe and its decisions, but she always was thankful.

“Don’t be, after work we are going out to find out this information. Cannot have the repeat of acceptance of Doctrine night, mm mm” Nala’s head shook as if Soli could see before they both let out a peal of uniformed laughter.

Her eyes focusing in on her designated parking spot as her lip tucked beneath her teeth, she parked in her spot. “I’ma see you inside” she confirmed with her waiting friend as they said their ‘Okay’s’ before hanging up. Soliyah opened up her front face camera on her phone to do any last-minute checks of her appearance before facing the day. She fluffed her blowout before feeling a heavy, energy-sucking feeling from behind. She definitely felt eyes on her, snapping her head back around to her backseat she looked for what could be a perpetrator. Adrenaline running down quickly as she saw nothing, she snorted at herself for even thinking that anyone would be able to get into the back of her car without notice.

Shaking off the level of spook that she felt, Soli, retrieve her well needed essentially for this 8:00 AM Tuesday morning. Laptop, Tea, Phone, and Lesson Plans. The list is checked off, she made her way up the walkway as some students she was familiar with gave small greetings. A hard tingle went over her ass running up her back. There it was again and this time goosebumps decorated the nape of her neck. Trying, now, not to look paranoid she turned around quickly, but not to alert anyone as she looked for any person who may look strange or who is just having a hard time not staring at her ass. Again, she saw nothing out of the ordinary.

x x

“Okay, you gave me two old historical natural medicines that have helped the human race. Does anyone know of the other?” Soli’s eyes danced across the confused students' faces. She wasn’t disappointed that they didn’t know the answer, quite frankly she was surprised that the class was able to muster up two answers. This class was a drag to the student, imagine how Soli felt teaching and trying to make it fun. Her eyes scanned against the auditorium filled the room as she saw a hand from the way in the back raise. She couldn’t see their face but the gleam of what seemed to be their gold watch shone like an SOS light enough for her to see.

“Yes?” she inquired while calling on them, some eyes turning, some eyes focused on Ms. Soli as the students like to call her.

“Marijuana” the student answered truthfully as the class erupted into laughter. Some ‘Oo’s’ and name-calling rounded up the room. Soli laughed at the reaction of the students, knowing that the joke was on them. Hearing the fade of the class settling down, Soli projected “He is not completely off, it was not specifically Marijuana but the chemical named ‘CBD’ aka Cannabidiol. So, thank you for that”

“What about Vibranium? That’s been around for thousands of years and it’s mined naturally, IN Africa? We don’t talk about that” a female’s voice crowded the room as others asked confused about what Vibranium and its purpose. Others agreed with the protesting young woman. Soli had minimal knowledge to other forms of resources other than Western ones, she sort of felt like an airhead for the brief moment. However, she was never the type of person to say she knows something when that is furthest from the truth.

“Honestly, Chey, I have no clue. They don’t have it in the curriculum and that sucks.” Soli's throat began to create a dry patch as she spoke in her truth, something she often did in front of her students “Myself included, I do not know too much about the resource and its effects. I would love to become educated by anyone who has the information, privately, of course, can’t be disrupting my class” laughter erupted through the class before quieting down just as quickly the wave came

“But” she continued “I will try my best for us to incorporate more history of us and our people and their contribution to medicine more often. Please bring in your information”

“Aye! You a real one, Ms. Soli” one her comedic students bellowed out in the classroom and others agreed with their laughter.

“Don’t gas me” she laughed along with the student, looking to the clock seeing that the class still had 20 minutes worth of lecture left. “Aight, aight settle down. Now, what is the purpose of each of the three medicines?” her commanded attention on the class reigned as hands shot up waiting to be chosen.

x x

“Soliyah! Hurry up before all the good seats are gone!” Nala squeaked in the low-breeze of the California wind.

“Waddaminute child!” Soli beckoned back as she ran across the semi-busy street from her parallel parked car. “Tryna get me smooshed out here” she breathed out a chuckle, half from catching her breath and the other half from being caught off guard from the wind that hit her. “Come on” she shooed her friend inside to the lounge.

This was definitely Soliyah’s kind of scene. Quaint but enough individuals in the vicinity to capture a story or two. The lights dim and powdered like as the hue of black and brown furniture decorated the place. Sounds of the long loc’d fellow, spit out his spoken word through the worn brown leather book. She smiled to herself and to Nala as her best friend truly knew her. If she was to find out if she got into Sinai or not, she would have wanted to celebrate (or wallow) in a place like this.

Once they found their seats, the night started to drift on pretty quickly. However, to Soli, it seemed that every millisecond within the 60 seconds was dragging. She wanted to rip the band-aid off but she couldn’t find the strength to even peek at her phone.

“I’m going to do it for you if you don’t open up that damn phone” a tortilla chip bounced in Nala’s open mouth as she spoke once more, picking up another chip “It’s way past 6 o’clock, they have sent it. You got into Sinai and we are going to turn up. So, let’s get it!”

Half wanting to kick her under the table and half wanted to thank her for getting her out her thoughts, she picked up her phone slowly off the table and waited for the Face ID to recognize her. Her trembling thumb danced to her email icon, keeping breath in she searched through pointless emails only looking for the one that stated “Congratulations! You have been Placed!”.

Behold as she manifests it, there the subject was staring at her. This was it, her residency at one of the most popular hospitals in this area was all she wanted once she started her program at UCLA. Pressing the button, she read the letter stating her congratulations but a frown quickly found her lips as she read what could be some of the grammatical error. Or Los Angeles and Oakland look a lot alike in the dictionary.

“What does it say? What’s it say?!” Nala eagerness broke Soli from her dumbfounded look. If anyone told her that her face could stay like that if she made it, she would just keep it for the rest of her life. Not speaking quick enough, Nala snatched the phone sighing out, rolled eyes to follow at her apprehensive best friend. Soliyah looked up her almond-colored friend as she read through the email with a wide-spread smile then just like clockwork, down to frown.

“Oakland?” she questioned

“Oakland,” Soli answered, unenthusiastically to add.

“I mean...at least you got placed?” her friends' natural switch to optimism charged up but Soli sour mood climbed it down with a single look.

x x

“An-nd you want to know what else?” Soliyah was completed drained at this point, three shots of Henny in and a Long Island. It was almost time for her to go home. Soli was not much of hard liquor drinker but she felt that need for the occasion.

“Listenn..” an internal burp bumped into her chest as her glossy brown orbs watched Nala. Nala had stopped a drink and a half ago, knowing that her friend needed this moment. “It’s not that I don’t like Oakland, my fuckin’ family is from there!” her volume raising an octave causing Nala’s eyes to fly open after they sleezed overhearing the story of how she put herself through all schools, she made it out of her neighborhood, and being the youngest to do what she is doing in her social and work circle.

“It’s just that I l-left” she pointed to the right indication moving forward “so that I don’t have to go back” her fingers fling opposite direction almost spilling her drink “until I had my own practice, learning fromm these wealthy ass people over here! Infiltrate and then invest in our community!” Soli began to channel her inner Chey.

“Alright, Angela Davis, I think that we had enough for the night. So much for no repeats” Nala said more to herself but Soli caught the joke and bellowed out a burst of laughter, though it was a bit more extra needed than the statement.

“I will be right back” Nala got the idea of grabbing napkins and speaking to the bartender about having plastic bags and water, they were going to need it. But, before Nala could depart from Soli, like lightening her left fingertips wrapped around her medium wrist “Waait, no no, don’t go. I’ve been feeling like some has been watching me like just been watching me” she repeated to her friend before the fear didn’t resonate with her but with liquor being her catalyst. The real emotions were surfacing.

Nala’s eyebrows knitted together watching her frantic friend, watching as her face is flushing colors of red and green indicating that they needed to go home right away. So, to oblige and get out of there quicker, she nodded in hopes to have Soli follow “Okay, baby, and if he comes around here we gon’ fuck ‘em up okay?” her mother like tone soothed Soliyah at best for right now.

“Okay,” she mimicked before sitting back and watch her friend disappear into what was the growing crowd. Her eyes scanned the bar as she tried her best to maintain her composure in this public establishment. She definitely went over her limit and was using a sick day the next day, it was needed. She felt that feeling again. Someone was watching her and she was trying to raise up to notice the creep but only did it with her eyes. Peeking through her small fingers, her eyes lashed tickled inside her palms searching for whatever stranger was staring at her.

Then, an instant lock or connect had formed. Sober or intoxicated, Soli had never felt another like it before. It was like when you knew that you were in the right place, at the right time, with the right person. Eager now, her eyes shot up to now catch this culprit she has been playing with what felt like all day.

Maybe it’s all in my head? She thought foolishly to herself, she knew someone was watching her. The next 3 seconds felt like a lifetime as in the search for what she thought the culprit would look like, her eyes passed a stranger that her brain made sure to mentally to take a snapshot of. The figure stood still by himself with the crowd around him, eyes set on Soliyah and only her. The familiar amber-hue she sought after the first dream came into view. Her body froze but the heart was hot as the California week with no rain or sign of a cloud. Mind you, this was all in a matter of 3 seconds.

She thought of how when you look around and other people look around too, you catch each other’s gaze. This shit wasn’t like that for real, it was like the figure was waiting for her eyes to meet his. Sobered up slightly, scared to scanned her 180 degrees way back, she did it despite the fear of the man still staring at her. Remember, this was a matter of 3 seconds of how long their eyes met. Disappointed that the figure that once stood out to her in the crowd was now gone.

“What’s wrong with you?’ Nala appeared looking in the direction that Soliyah had her eyes set on before looking to her. Soli didn’t notice the apparent frown that crowded her face as she stared that the very spot sacred like he was going to magically appear back.

Eyes drawing from the spot, she faced her friend “Nothing, I think it is time for me to go” the rummage in her stomach signaling on cue.

“Ya think?” Nala laughed as she grabbed her drunken friend, leading her to her car, being the designated driver for the there 5-minute ride home.

x x x

I hope you guys like this! Sorry if this was so slow but I really just wanted to set the scene and the tone for you guys! I hope that this story can go far, I may want to be short but it’s really long. Idk, just going to keep writing. Cause the ideas chile! But anyways, please read and review! I would love it!

- KD

#myfics.#erik stevens #erik stevens fan fic #erik stevens fanfic #erik killmonger stevens #erik killmonger #erik killmonger fanfic #erik killmonger fan fic #michael b jordan fanfic #michael b jordan #hauntingme.#erik stevens x oc #killmonger x oc

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nicolekidmanwigfactory · 7 years

Note

Do EVERY musical theatre ask

I hate you because I answer in paragraphs but I love you because this will take me forever and I have all night

1. What was the first musical you saw?

I’m having trouble remembering. Not counting animated Disney movies, I guess the Sound of Music for movie musicals and my grade school’s production of Godspell when I was in kindergarten. I had no idea what the show was about I was obsessed with “Bless the Lord.”

2. What musical got you really into theatre?

In high school, I was an editor of my senior class’ student-written musical parody of the school. At the end of junior year, we’d sketched out the plot and over the summer about 6-7 groups of ten people each wrote their assigned scenes, song parodies, etc. At the start of August, I was chosen, along with one other student, by our director (one of the English teachers) to basically take these collections of scenes and songs and make them into a cohesive, workable show, which included rewriting lines, deleting jokes, etc. We’d meet weekly at the teacher’s house and go over the drafts, consider his input, but the creative control was ultimately ours.

One of the teachers, who’d been there for more than 25 years and seen every senior production in her time, said the entire show was the second best she’d seen. During awards night, the director told us this show was one of his favorites he’d directed. But working on this show left me obsessed with theatre in general, something I never had much interest in before. I was attracted to musical theatre in particular because I thought the songs selected to be parodied for the show were the weakest part of the show, so I guess I started listening to cast albums to search for songs in an effort to subconsciously fix what I thought to be errors. I did that for prolly the first year after the show.

I told you I answer in paragraphs.

3. Who was your first Broadway crush?

I don’t really get crushes, so I don’t have a first one. When I fall, but I fall hard; it’s not crush area. But I’m a horny person and who I’m attracted to seems to come in phases and right now and I’m very attracted to Brandon Uranowitz and (which came as a total shock to me) Andrew Rannells.

4. Name three of your current Broadway crushes.

Brandon Uranowitz, Andrew Rannells, Jeanine Tesori (she’s a woman but she is GLAM)

5. Name four of your dream roles.

I’ve never had a real desire to perform but I guess Madame Armfeldt, Amy, Phyllis Stone (if I get to sing Ah, But Underneath), Joanne. What can I say, Sondheim’s women are more fun to sing than any role meant for a man.

6. Favourite off-broadway show:

i don’t distinguish between between on and off-Broadway

7. Favourite cast recording.

1970 Company Original Cast Recording. The gold standard for cast recordings in general.

8. 2013 Tony opening number or 2016 Tony opening number?

I honestly don’t remember either and don’t care enough to look them up.

9. Favourite show currently on Broadway.

none of them really speak to me right now, so...Hello Dolly! because I like the score most?

10. A musical that closed and you’re still bitter about. Rant a bit.

Fun Home.

11. Best stage to screen adaptation?

West Side Story. Steve is wrong when he kvetches about the movie’s switching the places of “Cool” and “Gee, Officer Krupke.” THEIR LEADER JUST GOT KILLED WHY ARE THEY JOKING IT MAKES MORE SENSE TO PLAY COOL THAN TO JOKE AROUND. i’d prefer if the songs were also in that order on stage as well. They already get their moment of post-intermission levity with “I Feel Pretty.” “Gee, Officer Krupke” in Act 2 is excessive. The movie fixes this mistake.

12. Worst stage to screen adaptation?

I haven’t really seen all that many movie musicals. I don’t know if I would call it the worst but I absolutely hated the Les Mis movie but I don’t know if it’s because i find the show itself over the top or if it was the movie itself

13. Favourite #ham4ham?

never seen them

14. A musical you would love to see produced by Deaf West?

Fun Home. I think having actors who are Deaf parallel the lesbian themes in the show would be a unique take on the show’s portrayal closetedness and parental/child relationships...if that makes sense. it does in my head

15. If you could revive any musical, which one would it be and who would you cast in it?

Assuming it meets all my other requirements, Candide. I don’t have any ideas for who to play whom, but casting must be colorblind, age appropriate, and match the vocal requirements.

16. If you could go to a concert at the 54 below, who’s would it be?

Barbara Cook

17. Do you watch broadway.com vlogs? Which one is your favourite?

Nope.

18. Make a broadway related confession.

I don’t let others know just how much I enjoy the theatre because I don’t want to come off as one of the theatre kids you hated in high school (but secretly admired for their confidence).

19. What do musicals mean to you?

This question is so corny I refuse to answer it.

20. Express some love for understudies and swings!

Danny I just want to be done with this. You do good work understudies and swings. you’re not appreciated enough and when you do go on it’s to the disappointment of the audience who was expecting someone else so good job dealing with that already tough situation to begin with.

21. Best Disney musical:

I’m going based off of the movies and to this I answer Lion King. I liked the stage version when I saw the tour but the movie as a musical is so satisfying and impossible to improve upon (though Shadowland and He Lives in You are great additions)

22. Which Disney movie should be made into a musical?

none. keep them as movies. broadway’s already getting pandering enough

23. Which musical fandom has the funniest memes?

PASSION

24. Name a character from a musical you would sort into your Hogwarts house.

I’m a Ravenclaw according to Pottermore so give me Madame Armfeldt.

25. Name a Broadway star you would sort into your Hogwarts house.

Stephen Sondheim

26. Best on stage chemistry?

Patti LuPone and the scenery

27. A Broadway duo you love.

@jasonrobertclown and @kayleefabulous

28. What book, tv show, movie, biography, video game, etc. should be turned into a musical?

HOWARDS END HOWARDS END HOWARDS END HOWARDS END

29. If you could make a jukebox musical, what artist or genre would you pick?

30. Favourite role played by _________________?

Angela Lansbury. Mrs. Iselin in The Manchurian Candidate. It’s not a stage role but she’s a stage legend and it’s my favorite role of hers.

31. What musical has made you cry the most?

I don’t cry at movies or books or anything, so none.

32. What musical has made you laugh the most?

It’s not Steve’s best score by any means, but A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum is a fucking laugh riot but thankfully, the strength of the show is its book.

33. Current showtune stuck in you head:

I’ve been mourning the death of Barbara Cook and her “Will I Ever Tell You” from The Music Man is one I’ve been listening to a lot the past two days. It’s lovely and keeps popping back into my head.

34. A musical that has left you thinking about life for a long time or deeply inspired you.

Bridge of Madison County was a show that affected me more than I expected and I think it was because I had just put in my notice for my teaching job so I could return to grad school. The show was entirely about choice and consequence and that was what I was taking from it.

35. If you could perform any ensemble number , which one would you pick?

I wouldn’t. I am a star.

36. Name a musical you didn’t like at first but ended up loving.

A Little Night Music.

37. What are some customes you’d love to try on?

I don’t really have any.

38. Favourite dance break.

this dance break from “The Story of Lucy and Jessie” in the original production of Follies. It’s Bennett’s best work and even better than the sublime work he did on “Who’s that Woman”

39. Favourite Starkid musical:

don’t have one

40. What’s a musical more people should know about?

Nine

41. What are some lines from musicals you really like?

Basically everything Regina Resnik’s Madame Armfeldt says

42. Name a Tony performance you rewatch and rewatch.

Ring of Keys

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thesinglesjukebox · 6 years

Video

youtube

THE 1975 - GIVE YOURSELF A TRY

[6.56]

Dawn of the Second 1975 Day...

Claire Biddles: If I Like It When You Sleep... was characterised by its excess of drugs and sax solos and pathetically doomed romance, perhaps the next album will be characterised by its excess of earnestness. "Give Yourself a Try" spills over with sincerity and solemnity. These characteristics have always been present in The 1975's music, hidden with irony, or in the last two tracks of a long, long album, or buried in parenthesis -- "Before you go (please don't go)" -- but they have never been so pronounced. From the gentle encouragement of the title to the wise old man lyrics, a millennial "My Way," any worries of self-help corniness are instantly dampened by Matty Healy's careful, generous, knowing delivery. The characteristic musical steals are earnest too: Joy Division, Sunny Day Real Estate, The Postal Service, bashed-up CDs on a Mancunian teenager's shelf; the return to the parental home in a crisis. There are quotes from their own songs, too, because The 1975 are the only (white, rock-adjacent) band audacious enough to position themselves as equals to their greatest musical influences. Irony is present ("getting STDs at 27 really isn't a vibe"), but spoken in the deadpan voice of a friend who has only ever been able to tell you that he wants to kill himself in the format of a joke. There are the familiar competing layers of profundity and jokes psyching each other out: Matty's wide-eyed tribute to sincerity in the context of getting clean and surviving his 20s that introduced the song's first radio play is repeated almost verbatim from a therapist's couch by the coked-up rock star cliche he plays at the start. He knows that advice from a famous rich man is laughable, but he's going to do it anyway. And I'm glad he has -- maybe I'm projecting, but I can hear the exhaustion that comes from rapidly switching emotional states for months, and specifically the hopeful exhaustion of getting to the other side: a culmination of the self-knowledge, the diagnosis, the reflection, the therapy. Even though I don't know him, and it's childish, it feels like Matty is two steps ahead of me, like he always is. Listening to "Give Yourself a Try" feels like readying myself to be exposed to the viscera of life while having my hand held by the person I love the most after months and months and months of mutual struggle, and I am so, so glad that The 1975 are back. [10]

Vikram Joseph: Like Matty Healy, and like a lot of my friends, I've found myself with my toes dipping into the cold waters of my early 30s without really knowing how the fuck I got there. And for the most part, I feel pretty good about it, more at ease with myself than I've ever been. But there are questions, and they don't disappear quietly. Surely I should be more settled by now? Have I wandered too much, or not enough? Why did a lack of self-confidence hold me back from what I really wanted for so long? "Give Yourself A Try" addresses all of these, in its own way. Healy's lyrics scan like a good Twitter feed -- scattergun and conversational, flipping from jokey to profoundly sad without any warning at all. There's a fair bit of Los Campesinos! in its twitchy, propulsive angst, and a lot of LCD Soundsystem buried in its DNA -- this might be "All My Friends" for those of us who deal with our problems exclusively by making jokes about them. Most of all, it sounds like Pulp would if Jarvis Cocker was a millennial and grew up dancing to The Strokes and Robyn. It's emotionally generous and exhilarating and kind of heartbreaking. [9]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Hell yes it's jaded and encouraging and sincere and the guitar line is emblematic of how dizzying life feels in your late 20s and the repetitious chorus acts as a soothing repose to Matt's typically loquacious verses and the balance he finds between unapologetically honest and crass allows for an internet-era relatability that succeeds because of how his self-deprecation creates a familiar distancing. The 1975 are truly the greatest guitar band around. [2]

Alfred Soto: With the drum machine as intentionally tinny as a TV on the Radio single and guitars echoing "She's Lost Control," the latest by The 1975 buzzes and grinds through its insights into male aging, insights that, in Matt Healy's reckoning, depend on one's attitude toward possessions. I don't know if a 20-year-old kid in Sarasota will make as much money as Healy, certainly not enough to start coffee collections. So Healy replaces the dreams of youth with the vanities of being 30. Advice or self-medication? Give it a try. [7]

Jessica Doyle: So my theory is that Matty locked himself in a room with 12 Rules for Life for a couple weeks, and anyone who banged on the door got back only Berlin's "The Metro" on repeat. (Which, fair: there are few better songs to play on repeat while contemplating that time you can't get back, when conspicuous self-destruction was a lot more fun, only now the past is the past and the present is ashes and you're tempted to romanticize your own self, against your better judgment.) And by the time Matty said, "This is gobshite; I'm going to write about character and self-improvement THE MATTY WAY," and emerged with the lyrics, the reluctance to work further on the music was severe. [6]

Nortey Dowuona: Shrieking guitars, a near invisible bass and flat, plastic drums gird Matt Healy's soft, tasteful vocal without really ever bounding into something bigger -- or better. [4]

Maxwell Cavaseno: For all Matty Healy's seeming openness and saliva-mouthed TMI dribblings, he's got his masks of self-effacement and insipid wit that work their best to deflect and refract so you can never ever properly judge him for his narcissism being cushioned by a gaping chasm of self-loathing. "Give Yourself a Try" nags with a guitar whine that works more like a dental drill than a riff, while Matty performs verbal capoeira as a furious abandon of implication. The song itself feels surprisingly without footing compared to a lot of 1975 singles, yet doesn't ever sound like a proper retreat from what's already worked for the band. If anything, the insistence to proceed feels less determined and more avoidant, as if the weight of actual self-realization could sink the whole rush to flight. [6]

Edward Okulicz: I detect a twinge of genuine sympathy in Matty's delivery of the chorus. His cocaine-and-breasts arseholery of previous songs tells me not to accept it at face value, because it's probably being delivered to himself in a mirror, but I like it anyway. The 1975 do not chuck out the biggest riches as the first single, anyway. [7]

Scott Mildenhall: For a song that near enough espouses stepping away from the internet, "a millennial that baby boomers like" is a real step away from the internet line (and not least when you look at the country-by-country data on the use of those terms). At times the meandering lyrics veer so close to the least insightful marketer's flipchart -- coffee! vinyl! beards! -- that they come to seem like they were written about Shrimpy from EastEnders. But simultaneously, they sound clawingly human. Semantically ambiguous as the title is, it caps off a sense of someone seeking self-acceptance with a desperation, uncertainty and self-laceration that makes any resolution of their unease hard to imagine. When contentment is a high bar, committing to it might just cause more anxiety. [7]

Katherine St Asaph: I have listened to Colleen Green's "Deeper Than Love" far too often to non-hypocritically comment on the quarterlife angst here. But this is still Father John Misty for people who secretly miss Cobra Starship. Docked a point because the vocals make the Dirty Projectors sound like the Three Tenors. Docked another point because "like context in a modern debate, I just took it out" is so sneeringly self-satisfied that repeating it three times in a mirror -- where you probably were already -- will cause Betelgeuse to appear with tickets to a Reddit convention. Docked infinite points because bloviating that "the only apparatus required for happiness is your pain and fucking going outside" right before mentioning a teenage girl's suicide is either staggeringly oblivious, staggeringly callous, or staggeringly misjudged sarcasm. [1]

Nicholas Donohoue: I hate being so disarmed by a song that I'm fundamentally at odds with. This still has the usual The 1975 habit of being too verbally erudite for its own good in the verses while being direct to the point of passing as kindergarten lessons in the chorus. But there's a spark here that I haven't felt from their prior songs. Somewhere in the conga line of listing your own issues and then counterpointing with how your own genuine self is mired in the bullshit, I feel it. Even referencing the specific instance of a fan's suicide, which reads as exploitative to me, I let slide. The best case I could give for my unabashed love of this song is that I love songs that are about accepting culpability, and somehow The 1975 is taking the blame and responsibility without ever saying so. They're less asking for my sympathy as they are for their own forgiveness. [10]

Ryo Miyauchi: The titular advice in the chorus is meant to be sardonic, I'm guessing, as most of Matty Healy's gestures tend to read. But "Give Yourself a Try" is not entirely dismissive of life. The crude, motorik version of the band's "Sex" that jitters underneath him is too restless to let him give up; I would hope for this to be the case in a song throwing in a questionable aside about suicide. Instead, it's just accepting of how pathetic all of it can be, and Matty once again stands in as the clown to represent that idea. As much as he beats on with an groan-inducing gallery of personal anecdotes, his lyrics are too cloyingly specific, more than the previous album, for his lessons to speak for experiences beyond his own. Honestly, in the case of The 1975, that's for everyone's own good. [7]

Elisabeth Sanders: When "Sex" hit the scene what seems like at least two, maybe three lifetimes ago it felt revelatory, electric; equal parts yearning and snide, that strange knife-edge of wanting somebody and wishing you didn't, of being hurt by rejection and not even, like, caring, anyway, so like, whatever. The 1975's subsequent debut album rolled that vibe out into a whole mood, intensely specific, rude and depressed and kinda horny, taking place in real space, youth's graceless moments tinged with the romanticism that sits inside most kids that wish they hated everything more than they actually do. But as they moved away from talking about dirty floors and the curve of somebody's mouth and into the inevitable arrogance of young men who think they understand the whole world, the freewheeling idiotic heart that once made the band great became tiresome and thoughtless. I'll listen to almost anybody, no matter how myopic, examine their own interiority; I'm a lot less interested in those people's general thoughts about the state of the world. If I wanted to hear a guy with a guitar tell me about what's wrong with society I'd still be straight. [4]

Leonel Manzanares de la Rosa: Millions of people in their late 20s may (and will) deeply relate to the words of Matty Healy in "Give Yourself a Try", not because he's a bearer of truth -- he's equally prophet and charlatan -- but because these are times so confusing, we tend to turn to the unreliable narrator to make some sense of them. Only in this generation, where the lines between irony and sincerity are so blurred, could we use (and need to use) the language of self-deprecation to convey hope, speak of isolation to form of communal bond, and take a freakin' Joy Division guitar line for a track that we can all agree to call uplifting. [8]

Stephen Eisermann: Hearing Matty be so open and playful about the hardships he's faced is refreshing and inspiring, but it's made better due to the guitar loop that serves as the anchor for this track. Life is noisy, like this song, but you have to find your path through all of the ruckus. And with this song on repeat, I'm confident you'll at least start to see the path. [7]

Will Rivitz: For me, songs are most alluring when an artist takes a limited number of musical ideas and milks them for all they're worth, enmeshing me in a hypnotic loop of sound that morphs and evolves so glacially that I have no choice but to be pushed along with it. I'm having trouble thinking of a song that embodies exactly what I love about music, particularly pop music, quite so well. The instrumental entrances, mirage-like, precisely three notes of bass counterweighting precisely two notes of guitar so accurately that I'm not sure why we'd ever need more frets. Those three seconds' worth of a perfect loop distort and compress over time, Matty Healy singing ever more desolately as his band disintegrates behind him. So much is made from so little, like a clown car if each clown that stepped from the buggy were Dr. Manhattan. "Give Yourself A Try" is an atom bomb: only one or two nuclei need tear apart, and the whole world follows suit. [10]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

#The 1975 #matt healy #matty healy #new music #music writing #music reviews #music

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aboveandbeyondthetrancee · 8 years

Text

I Love You

You told me to write to you about how much I love you. And I know that once I started typing this, you said that you don’t actually want me to do it. But, to me, this is part of me starting to show you how much you mean to me and how much I appreciate you. Because we both know that I’m not the best at writing and that I’d rather vocally convey my thoughts and feelings rather than to write them out on paper or online. So I’m going to do my best to try without making this seem like rambling nonsense. Ever since I first met you around 4 years ago, I’ve felt something. I don’t think I could say that it was legitimate feelings , but it was something. Even seeing your pictures on instagram before actually meeting you in that xbox live party gave me that feeling. Seeing your posts and your captions captivated me. Seeing how beautiful you looked. I immediately knew that I would’ve caught feelings if I met you in person and if you were single.

But you weren’t close enough to me for us to meet by chance. And you were in a committed relationship. So after even meeting you, I knew that I couldn’t do anything to try to get closer to you in that way. And that knowledge made it harder and harder to keep from trying to get closer to you after every session of gaming we had by ourselves. Getting to know you little by little that way was the best and worst thing to happen to me.

It was the worst thing because of how much it killed me to not be able to go for you after learning bit by bit just how wonderful you are. And it was the best because, even if I felt like I couldn’t do anything at the time, playing and talking with you made me happy. And, best of all, it lead to where we are now.

I always kept my feelings for you at a subconscious level before we confessed to each other. At the time, I felt like I couldn’t take that shot to go for something as big as a long-distance relationship. I always kept to the idea that long-distance relationships only work for those that have dated and one or both of them move somewhere far after a while.

Until our conversations we had that lead up to us confessing. How you felt that nobody in your area is to your interest or isn’t compatible with your likes and dislikes. Honestly, my “shot-in-the-dark” was never something I thought I would say. But telling you that I would’ve asked you out on a date if one of us lived closer to the other was my hidden way of telling you, I have romantic feelings for you. And it made it immensely happy to see you reply that you would’ve said yes. Even if I was at work at the time, all I could think of was “what now?” I went back and forth between leaving it at that and how it would be if we dated. Going through that fantasy of us being together that ran through my head so many times throughout the 3 years. All of that thinking in what felt like hours happened in the matter of minutes because time just slowed down for me after your reply.

Then I decided.

“Fuck it.” and I went for it. Telling you a suggestion of seeing how we’d be at HARD and Nocturnal and if we truly did enjoy each others company, then we try to start dating. The final thought that shifted my mind towards going for it was that I didn’t want you to be a what if in my life. Because I feel like you would’ve been one of the biggest what if’s to me.

Then our conversations became so excited and ecstatic with feelings for each other. Pouring out our long time feelings through texts and phone calls. Slowly, but surely falling in love with each other, but not just yet enough for us to confirm it to ourselves or to each other. We became so happy and impatient with the idea of meeting each other, we couldn’t wait for HARD and decided for me to visit you before then. We officially made the plans. The bus tickets were purchased. Hotel room reserved. Days requested off of work. The idea of us meeting became real. And I remember being so damn happy to be able to meet you and be with you in person. And that wasn’t only on the perspective of me finally losing my v-card. I couldn’t believe that I was going to be able to spend actual, in-person, time with you. The entire bus ride up to you was just filled with excitement and happiness, of course with some anxiety and nervous-ness mixed in. Then I got there. and after waiting (in the wrong hotel, even though it was basically the same looking building), you arrived at the hotel as well.

When I walked through the doors and I saw your face for the first time, my heart fluttered. So. Damn. Hard. It felt like a Ted Mosby moment where he just exhales deeply and puts his hand over his heart as if its hurting. That’s how you made me feel at the get-go. Throughout that entire visit, everything you said and every action you made captivated me. Each interaction we had made me understand more and more how much of an amazing, beautiful woman that you are. And at the end of the visit, all I wanted to do, was to already ask you to be official, but I knew I had to wait. I didn’t want to confuse any feelings with something else. I wanted to do it right. When I could confirm in myself that you are who I want to commit myself to. So after the visit, the time we had apart helped me reflect and confirm in myself that you are. Which all the more made me more impatient for HARD to come so that I could ask you to be official. My original plan being to ask you during Porter Robinson’s set, right when his music moves our very souls as we dance together. Unfortunately, our broke ass’ ended up not being able to afford HARD. So then you decided to still go down with your brother’s group, but to spend time with me in general instead. I then came up with my back up plan of going to the Griffith Observatory at night and asking you to be official under the stars, with the LA city lights in the distance. Then we realized we were more broke than we thought, so, as much as it killed us, we agreed to save money for Nocturnal instead. Then the days leading up to Nocturnal felt even longer, but that first weekend of September finally came

You guys drove down to SoCal and stopped by my house. I saw you outside my house across the street and all I wanted to do was to go up to you and kiss you. To feel your lips pressed against mine after longing for that for months. Buuuut we still had that awkward first-meeting-of-the-visit vibe so I couldn’t do it. Going through that weekend is what really confirmed something real and serious to me. That I am absolutely in love with this girl. I was so immensely happy being with you that entire time. Dancing with each other during so many sets. Being in our own little world in a sea of ravers. I knew that you’re the one that I want to spend the rest of my days with. So I asked you to be official after slow dancing and singing “steppin out” to you and trading the kandi that had the question written out. And, honestly, even if that was the back-up plan, I loved that I was able to ask you out that way. Instead of having to be in a crowded sea of people, trying to get your attention from the loudness of it all, we were in the quietness of our hotel room. Truly in our own little world for a few hours. and that was the exact moment I verbally told you I’m in love with you. Once that weekend was over, it killed me seeing you leave in your car. Actually killed me enough to tear up. After that, each and every visit brought me closer and closer to you. All the more continuously falling in love with you. Going from regular visits without anything planned, just enjoying each others company, to planned out visits of seeing two of our favorite electronic artists collaborate and perform live.

You are the most amazing thing that has happened to me. Everything about you is what I am always falling in love with. How much you care for your family and close friends. How much you dedicate yourself to doing good at your work because you don’t want to bring more work to your coworkers. How much you motivate yourself to do your homework, study (sometimes excessively), and pass your classes in order to work towards a degree that you have genuine interest in. How much of a nerd that you are when it comes to games and anime. How you have just as much interest in deep conversations as I do. How you cheese so hard then laugh at something, specifically at corny, cheesy lines. Your smile and your eyes (Yes, I do love your eyes and I actually do see the color in them clearly). Your natural face (Yes I do love that to. Not in a “because I’m your boyfriend I am saying that” way). Every inch of your body and figure. The list goes on. I love all of you…..and I am sorry I fell into a routine that’s been shitty in expressing so. You telling me how you are feeling, your fears, and your thoughts gave me a lot to reflect about. I never knew that I could just as easily fuck up in a relationship as all those people that vented to me and asked me for advice for their relationship problems in the past. I never thought that I could end up like that.

But I promise you that I am determined to show you how much I appreciate and love you. Everything that I do is to work to our future together. You are the only thing that matters to me and you are what motivates me to get through school in order to get a degree so i could have the financial stability to live with you. And I’m never going to let your fears overcome you and let you walk out the door for my sake. You already know that I will find you wherever you go if you leaving is for that reason. I am absolutely, irrevocably, in love with you. Just imagining our future together excites me and makes me happy. And I am looking forward to the days that I can turn in my bed and see your beautiful face sleeping soundly. To be able to just kiss you every day. To tell you that I love you in person when I go to work, and to look forward to seeing your face when I get back home from a long shift. I can see that future clearly with you. and I will do anything and everything to make it happen. You are the person that I am in love with. Marielle Michelle Gapasin Lintag is who I want to live with, who I want to marry, who I want to have kids (and numerous dogs) with, who I want to grow old with, and who I want to spent my dying days with.

I am in love with you Marielle.

Always & Forever

-Mitchell Anthony de Vera Reyes

#mmgl

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