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indigochromatic · 3 months

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We're a quoigenic OSDD system with no known childhood trauma. We saw discussions regarding "DID is a trauma disorder" and wanted to share as an example of a system with a CDD without trauma. We don't have what it takes to face the heat that comes with openly sharing this through our blog. Hopefully it's okay to share here anonymously.

Our main issue with "DID is a trauma disorder" is how it's used in syscourse and in CDD communities. As a quoigenic OSDD system with no known childhood trauma it's used to silence and exclude us. It's used to justify that us sharing our experiences is dangerous. It also pushes CDD systems to dig for traumas regardless if they're in a safe place to do so in order to fend off denial or access support or not be harassed. Anytime we hear it for us it's sad and a little depressing and a reminder of how our experiences are perceived.

We don't have childhood trauma as far as we could find. Unless we count any negative experience as trauma in which case we have to conclude every living being is traumatized which would make the trauma disorder category pointless. Our symptoms are mild as far as OSDD goes. We like to believe we have a brain that's innately more likely to dissociate which lead to our system forming without trauma. Our mother is a survivor of CSA so maybe there's some epigenetic factor at play. Or maybe some experiences were trauma and we're not recognizing them as such or maybe we haven't uncovered the trauma yet. We ultimately can't prove or know why our system is a system so we're quoigenic.

We know people conflate endogenic plurality with DID because they see "system" and think "DID" so they think "endogenic system" must mean "endogenic DID" and they get mad at that. We know the vast majority of endogenic systems don't have or claim to have a CDD. But systems like us we end up as a sort of boogeyman where we're used to prove endogenic systems are terrible by some and we're discarded by others as a hypothetical only brought up in bad faith. It sucks to have to think "if we fight for our experiences to be heard would that undermine the acceptance of other systems who deserve to be seen and believed and respected?". Sometimes we wonder if it's right to use the diagnosis we've been assigned since we're apparently not a good representative of it. Maybe our symptoms aren't bad enough to justify a diagnostic label. This isn't to guilt trip you or anybody just stating where our thoughts go when we keep seeing "DID is a trauma disorder" or "you need trauma to have DID". (They don't have to say OSDD because we understand most people say DID in that context to mean any CDD.) We also dislike how it seems like CDD systems can't be trusted about not having trauma, but those without a CDD can be trusted about that same thing. It feels unfair and like we don't get the same right to self-identify our own childhood experiences in a way that others get to do.

Then again we don't want to trigger denial in other CDD systems regarding their traumas and we don't want to derail conversations about acceptance of endogenic systems so this puts us in a difficult position. Most of the time it feels safer for everyone for us to remain silent. Might be for the best most of the time because it means we avoid the toxicity of syscourse. But also it's a bit sad. Not sure how to end this. Thanks for reading? Have a nice day? Have a nice day. That'll do.

Hey there! Thanks for taking the time to write this, (and we hope you have a nice day too, cheers). Actually we agree with basically everything you said, in a way that's making me think we maybe weren't quite as clear/thorough with our context in some of our previous posts about this.

Couple of big-picture bullet points about our personal current model for understanding how all this stuff works: 1. "DID is a trauma disorder" does not mean that we think only traumagenic systems can have CDDs, or even that we think that all CDDs must arise from the textbook-style 'severe chronic trauma during early childhood'. For context, not only do we know several endogenic systems with CDDs, we're also in basically the same situation as you, anon. We have a CDD dx on paper (DID for us), but also definitely don't have what the DSM would consider severe chronic trauma during early childhood--I think our ACEs score is like, zero, actually, and we remember a lot from back then, so we have reason to think it's less likely we're just having amnesia about it. We also don't think our system originated from childhood trauma, either (exactly what we do think about our origins is A Long Story, but suffice to say, 'quoigenic' wouldn't be too far off for us). 2. What we are trying to get at with "DID is a trauma disorder" is that, as far as we're aware, even for cases where the symptoms are pretty mild (like ours, and also like yours, it sounds like), the core part of recovering from the disordered aspects of the situation--the stuff that's bringing us to therapy in the first place--repeatedly tends to come down to stuff like...working through old emotional pain, handling in-system conflicts in a healthy way, uncovering and trying to take apart negative self-schemas (e.g. stuff like perfectionism, attachment anxieties, internalized negative messages about parts of your identity, etc), unlearning no-longer-helping-you coping mechanisms, etc. All of which is, essentially, trauma work. Doesn't matter if you're not doing EMDR, doesn't matter if you don't have any clear and obvious Big Trauma Events to point to--if it's about healing from things that hurt, it's still (in our understanding of it) trauma-related therapy.

Does this describe most therapy in general, for singlets as well? Yeah, absolutely. Trauma doesn't need to be rare. If you're not just using the very limited DSM definition of trauma, events that could be traumatic are incredibly common--especially subtle, cumulative things, where any individual event might not have been that bad, but together over time add up. And whether or not those things have lasting negative impacts is about a lot of complicated factors: not just "did you have support, in theory", but also "were you able to accept it at the time, were you able to access it, was it conditional, what did it cost you", etc.

Like, deep down, really what we personally care about isn't "What's the exact specific True Origin of Your Situation", it's "Okay, what now? What helps?" And that's what we're trying to get at when we talk about CDDs as trauma disorders. They're disorders of dissociation, presentation-wise, but/and, as far as we're currently aware (and this could change if we learn more, of course), the most effective way to treat CDDs isn't centered around "well, just Dissociate Less", and instead about assuming there is a reason behind why your brain is routinely checking out from reality in various ways, and figuring out how to address whatever problem your brain is currently using dissociation to solve. As a sidenote/disclaimer, yeah, of course, the experience of (and therapy for) folks with very intense posttraumatic symptoms is going to be quite different than for folks with milder symptoms. But, a lot of the core concepts are shared, the same way that both rehab PT and competitive strength training both share a lot of core principles about building body awareness and doing physically challenging things within a window of tolerance and growth.

Okay. whew.

With all that aside, I also think that you're bringing up a lot of really important points about how systems with CDDs but "atypical" presentations often get kind of pushed to the margin, especially in the morass of online syscourse validity wars. We've felt that ourselves, and we're really sorry you're also having to deal with it. None of this is made any easier by the huge variety in personal working definitions for various very relevant words (like "trauma", "system", etc), too, lol. And also, I don't want to give the impression that we think we've Solved It All or anything--our current framework of thinking about all this comes from our personal accumulation of information and experiences over these past 3-4 years, and I'm sure it'll keep changing over the next [insert rest of life here].

I'd honestly be super curious to know what issues you feel like are at the core of what your system is struggling with, and what you feel like personally has helped you the most with them--does it really feel like your main issue is just Too Much Dissociation on its own, and that there isn't really any kind of relevant emotional work that helps? (For example, we've personally got some amount of dissociation that's probably from the whole long COVID situation, separate (well. "separate") from psychological factors, but there's definitely also some emotional stuff involved for us as well.)

#S.txt #sysconversation #system stuff #system experiences

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mettywiththenotes · 3 years

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320 bits I wanna talk about

Iieda looks like he’s doing the *inhale* before the BOI IF YOU DON’T- meme. Something along the lines of “BOI IF YOU DON’T GET YOUR ASS BACK TO UA-” kind of thing lol.

He holding something in definitely. Maybe charging up for an attack? Idk but he sure seems concentrated

Actually, Iieda seems kinda considering. Maybe he’s weighing up if he should join in the fight, as if he’s asking “Will I have to fight Midoriya, if it comes down to it? Or can the others handle this?” Something tells me he doesn’t want to have to weigh in on the fight. Maybe tear into Izuku verbally, but fight? No I don’t think he wants to do that

But also, I find it interesting that that black panel of text is under him and then it cuts to Bakugou yelling at Izuku. I mean, it could very well be Bakugou thinking that, but if that’s so, then why is Iieda the first person we see?

So, I think it’s Iieda thinking that. Tensions are rising, it seems. I’m expecting his turn to be full of a lot of emotion, or at least trying to get across to Izuku that he feels betrayed but mostly just wants Izuku to come back home.

I don’t really know what’ll happen with Iieda exactly, but I’m totally interested to see what happens

I know Bakugou has problems with his emotions and words and stuff, but I also think here he’s trying to anger Izuku in order to get him to fight back, maybe so he’s more angry than flexible in a fight, so the end result would be Izuku getting too angry to predict anything and eventually tripping up, and that’s when 1A could capture him.

The one thing to remember about Izuku is that allowing him to think is going to be the opponent’s downfall. We saw in the Kacchan VS Deku 2 fight that Bakugou knew this and so kept attacking as much as possible so Izuku wouldn’t have time to think. Which worked, because Izuku is great at analysis, so making his “Win” attitude [getting competitive therefore putting more energy into attacking than strategy] come out over his “Save” attitude [you’re my friend and I want to help you] is kind of a weakness of his. That’s kind of one of the reasons he lost that fight.

Then again, maybe Izuku has improved since then? I don’t really know but I think enough time has passed for him to have maybe improved more on that so idk we’ll see

I really love Bakugou’s expression in that bottom screencap lol

His wound!! All bandaged up!! I wonder if there’s a scar there or smthg :O

LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I know Enji or Bakugou probably gave them details about the multiple quirks but I still find it wild that everyone just knows now

KOUDA! MY SWEETHEART! I’m glad he’s getting a part in this too, along with Sero. Two of them who didn’t really hang around Izuku but still want him to come back :’)

Sero and Black Whip! Finally! I mean it’s not much but it’s still better than nothing

Also, seems like Sero is trying to taunt Izuku to get him to attack him maybe [same as Bakugou feeding into Izuku’s competitive side] soooo idk Sero following Bakugou’s lead? Maybe :)

Look at how,,,, innocent Izuku looks,,,,, *head in hands* AND SERO TEACHING HIM!!

I knew this lil moment would come bite me in the ass at some point, I knew and yet I’m still tearing up goddamn

That “I thought she was going to tell me its a useless hobby” bit really drives home how Izuku’s friends are 1A, that he loves them and they were the only friends he’s ever had [except Bakugou but he was a bully at the time so I’m not really gonna count him for back then]. HOW many people before UA had gone around and told Izuku his taking notes hobby was useless? SHOW me the people!

I, mettywiththenotes, will NOT allow anybody to slander one of my own!

I know it’s like the only moment Izuku and Ojiro shared, with the sports festival thing, but it’s still really sweet that Ojiro sees that Izuku stood up for him

*head in hands*

Shouldn’t this kid be more worried that he’s likely going to get kidnapped?

“Yeah this super evil villain guy has decided he wants to kidnap me and take me away, but like nbd guys really, that’s why I left in the first place! So I wouldn’t be a burden!” Somebody get this kid a fucking therapist or some shit

This is kind of a chilling and pretty scene though. The rain falling above Izuku and him looking down with these piercing green eyes likely being the only light between them. Good stuff.

Satou! Aha I like how he’s pulling all the stops, such as “I WON’T LET YOU BORROW MY INGREDIENTS FOR ERI!”

Also let’s appreciate that Satou caught Ojiro and Jirou and managed to land on a freaking traffic light. The balance on this kid! Very well done

Kaminari putting Izuku in a headlock! How cute :)

Be cuter if they weren’t trying to subdue a martyr-complex cryptid from killing himself, but still

Does Shouji have some kind of support-item?? Or could he always do the stretchy thing?? Or I guess maybe he’s just stretching his arms out like branches [like he usually does] and using them as more like a capture weapon rather than his usual stuff. I don’t think we’ve ever seen him use his heteromorph body and quirk for anything other than the 5 senses, though I could be wrong

Also Shouji remembering what Izuku said at the training camp, I’m so glad! Shouji always seems like the kind to be so protective over his friends, so I’m glad he remembered that. Then again, Izuku did compare them to freaking ALL MIGHT, but if the nice analytical kid in your class who knows your limits and strengths says you could basically beat A GOD, then that’s definitely one for the memory scrapbook lmao

“It’s nice and dark here, Dark Shadow.” Who said that?? Kami or Izuku?? I just have this mental image of Izuku being shrouded in darkness and trying to keep his eyes open from falling asleep haha

Tokoyami remembering that from all the way back then!! It makes me think that not only have Bakugou and Izuku been watching each other, but that Izuku has always had everybody’s eyes on him! Which is true, he’s inspired everyone! It goes both ways; Izuku loving his friends, and them loving him back :’)

Kami telling him to take a bath lmao I love it. Finally somebody said it

*ugly sobbing noises*

This kind of segment, with a mask falling, a space in-between and a reveal, reminds me of Compress’ reveal :) In that, the person is hiding their identity and then when the mask comes off, they reveal who they truly are underneath

While Izuku is of course determined to go after AFO and is quite the fearsome powerhouse, I really think when he takes off that mask, he’s showing who he really is underneath - a scared little boy who just wants everyone to be happy

JESUS, SHOUTO REALLY IMPROVED HIS QUIRK HUH!! LOOK AT IT, IT’S EVEN HIGHER THAN THE SKYSCRAPERS!!

“The burden placed on you... it doesn’t allow for tears, right?” He sounds so sassy here.

Kind of like saying “Oh you look upset. But that’s weird, I thought Heroes weren’t supposed to cry.” Lol it really shows here how pissed Shouto is at Izuku

But then he relents from that snark and is like “Hey, come on, we’ll share this burden. I’m not letting you go it alone, remember that we’re all here.” :’)

I love when Shouto is sassy and passive aggressive but I also love it when he shows that soft side of him

Okay, this is something I really love.

Tsuyu didn’t join the Bakugou Rescue Squad because “they would be just like Villains breaking the rules”

But here she is, learning from that regret of hers and coming right back to make sure Izuku isn’t the one struggling. She wants to be a part of this rescue squad and pick up where she left off :)

Tsuyu has always struggled with her regrets. It was shown after Kamino when she cried, but for me, I only realised this fully during the Joint Arc when she had her regrets about not making better decisions and not being quick enough [I think that was it].

“I won’t cry in such a flurry” reminds me of “I want to live a life without regret” and so that’s what she’s saying here. This won’t be another regret of hers. She wants to do her best to save her friend

“When scared, you’re allowed to tremble when it’s tough, you’re allowed to shed tears. That’s how you become a Hero like in the comics.”

I feel like that quote piggybacks off of Shouto’s “Heroes cry too”, in that, this is now 1A comforting Izuku. This is them fully coming up to him and telling him that they can help, and that he’s allowed to feel sad about his situation. Shouto’s quote was the teaser, while this entire chapter [and the rest that come to follow] is the main course.

And this is exactly who Tsuyu is. Reassuring, comforting, someone dependable. It says a lot that she’s come from not going to help in Kamino, confessing her feelings and crying about it, then coming back in a similar situation and offering her help - that she’s not willing to just let an opportunity go to better herself. I think I remember reading a few posts on her crying after Kamino and saying it was “performative” or that she just “wanted attention” or smthg like that, but I think she’s really just quite an honest person, and here she is making a great show of how she won’t let something like her guilt slow her down from being the hero she wants to be.

[A part of me feels like this is also a little more evidence with the whole People Not Caring About Bakugou’s Feelings Of Helplessness but like. I digress. It kinda counts but at the same time, it’s not what is going on at the moment.]

Seeing everyone try to reassure Izuku was lovely, and I can’t wait for the rest. I’ve seen a lot of people waiting more for Bakugou’s portion of the battle [AND YEAH DUDE ME TOO] but I really feel like Bakugou’s won’t come until like 2 chapters later or something.

Cause, if this chapter is anything to go by, we’ll probably get through Mina, Mineta, Kirishima, Hagakure and Aoyama next chapter, and then we’ll move onto the “more important” conflicts which will be Iieda and Uraraka, and if their segments are chocked with tension drama and tears, then Bakugou will have a whole chapter to himself hopefully.

Which means we’ll probably have to wait 2 more chapters until we get that sweet, sweet Bakugou chapter :( I hope I’m wrong and it comes sooner than predicted but whatever

I know for some people, that’s all they want, but personally I love these little bits that reflect on the background characters. As someone who isn’t really obsessed with the background characters but also likes them enough to appreciate their development/the little moments they have, I gotta say I really liked this :)

#bnha #bnha 320 #bnha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #class 1a

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doppel-drop-distance · 3 years

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Doppel Spotlight: Giovanna

Surprise~!

I know, I know, about time, right? The hypothetical Soul Gem has broken, and the Doppel Spotlights are back from the dead! Er…temporarily, anyway. I can’t say for certain how many more of these I’m up to doing just yet. It’s a bit too early for me to make any big estimates or guarantees. But! This Doppel analysis has sat here unfinished for quite some time now! And you all have shown such lovely support that I couldn’t help but be excited looking at all this old material again. So as a gift to you all, let’s finally analyze the Doppel of our main protagonist, Iroha Tamaki!

This analysis will contain spoilers for all of Magia Record’s first arc! This does include anime-specific content, as I will be discussing certain scenes from Episodes 5 and 7! You have been warned!

Let’s dive in, shall we?

GIOVANNA

Doppel of Silence

Feature: Cuckoo

“The master of this emotion is aware of how pitiful her Doppel is and refuses to look at it. This Doppel wordlessly wraps around and strangles anything it doesn't want to hear as it continues its search for something to fill the hole in its heart. While it should be calling for someone, it is cowardly and afraid of acknowledging the reality it has concealed, and so it remains, silently covering its ears.”

It's been a while, so how about we start things off with a little refresher?

Both Giovanna and Campanella’s names are direct references to Night on the Galactic Railroad, a Japanese novel written by Kenji Miyazawa. In the story, a shy boy named Giovanni travels on a star-bound train with his close friend, Campanella. To keep things brief, I’ll leave most of the general plot details out. However, if you’d like a lengthier summary, I suggest reading the summary I provided in the previous Doppel Spotlight, which is linked here.

I should also mention I actually located an English-translated copy of Night on the Galactic Railroad! As a result, I can quote the story directly, although I cannot guarantee the accuracy of the translations or my own interpretations. Please keep that in mind as you read!

The opening scene of the novel establishes early on that Giovanni is a reserved, self-conscious boy. In class, he is certain he knows the answer to the teacher’s question. However, when called on, he doubts himself and stays silent, bringing upon the jeers of his classmates. Campanella, who also raised his hand for the question, willingly chooses not to answer, despite also knowing, in order to show some sympathy for the flustered Giovanni.

This opening scene is likely what is referenced in Giovanna’s nature as the Doppel of silence. Giovanni stays silent out of self-doubt, and as a result believes himself to be pathetic. Iroha also silences herself in her own way, being very passive, self-conscious, and reserved at the beginning of her story. And, true to that comparison, her Doppel’s reflections of insecurity make her feel pitiful, to the point where she refuses to look at it.

Giovanni’s character can also be representative of Iroha’s inner loneliness. With his mother sickly and his father out of the house, Giovanni is too occupied with taking jobs and caring for his family to have time to talk. More often, he is bullied by his peers. The only exception is with Campanella, who doesn’t bully him, and even sympathizes with him. As Giovanni and Campanella travel on the Galactic Railroad, Giovanni’s loneliness is at its clearest. Campanella begins talking to Kaoru, another passenger on the train, and Giovanni becomes morose with jealousy. See this quote here:

“Is there really nobody who will stick with me to the edges of the universe and beyond? Campanella just sits there jabbering away with that little girl, and it hurts me more than anybody knows.”

Iroha is also incredibly lonely, deep down. She lives on her own, with parents away on business trips. The anime implies she doesn’t have a lot of friends either, with her classmates talking behind her back instead. Worst of all, her sister, who she values more than anyone else, is completely absent, Iroha being the only one that remembers that she exists. Such relationships sound awfully lonely, don’t they? It’s only through her bond with Yachiyo and the rest of Mikazuki Villa that Iroha grows into her own, letting her optimism, warmth, and confidence shine through.

Giovanna’s connections to Giovanni tie her quite close to Campanella, Yachiyo’s Doppel. And, well, Yachiyo is certainly not the kind and sympathetic Campanella at first meet. Her first encounter with Iroha is cold, brutally honest, and fully intent on keeping Iroha out at any cost. We learn later on that this attitude is a wall Yachiyo puts up to protect people – that she believes the people that get close to her die, and that she still struggles with the guilt of her past. Yet, it is Iroha who shows sympathy to Yachiyo, breaking down that wall between them. For example, let’s take a look at Chapter Six. After a trip to the Memory Museum Uwasa, Yachiyo has been reminded of the death in her life and is reflexively closing herself off again to keep Iroha safe. Iroha once shriveled up in response to Yachiyo’s intimidating rejection, but now, as her friend, she isn’t having it. She says this:

“You saying there’s nothing you can do to help Tsuruno and the others… It makes me feel sad…Lonely…We fought together all this time…But more than that, I’m angry. I’m angry with you, Yachiyo...”

“I’m your friend, Yachiyo. And as your friend, I’m going to take out that Uwasa, all on my own! I’m going to be the one to protect you. I’ll smash this made-up idea you have of me sacrificing myself for you!”

Just as Giovanni interprets his journey with Campanella as a sign to stay diligent in life, Iroha’s friendship with Yachiyo allows her to steady her own resolve and fight adamantly. Their namesake connection is a sign of their bond, and their newfound devotion to fight together and protect each other.

To wrap up this Galactic Railroad talk, have you noticed that in many of the anime’s early episodes, Iroha is riding on a train? In fact, it is on a train that Iroha is whisked away to Zenobia’s Barrier in Kamihama, where she meets Yachiyo for the first time. Perhaps a stretch, but a fun little detail regardless.

Anyway, there’s far more to Giovanna than story connections! Giovanna’s silent nature reflects a lot of Iroha’s character struggles: mainly, her feelings of denial, and her inclination towards self-sacrifice.

“This Doppel wordlessly wraps around and strangles anything it doesn't want to hear as it continues its search for something to fill the hole in its heart. While it should be calling for someone, it is cowardly and afraid of acknowledging the reality it has concealed, and so it remains, silently covering its ears.”

When you think of someone “strangling anything it doesn’t want to hear”, concealing their own reality and being afraid of acknowledging it...well, that sounds a lot like someone who doesn’t want to accept the truth.

Iroha shows quite a bit of denial in her search for Ui. The odds are stacked against her for a lot of Arc 1. She finds little to no clues wherever she searches, and the Ui she encounters from the Uwasa of the Commoner’s Horse is only a fake. Iroha is certain that Touka and Nemu, Ui’s closest friends, will remember Ui. But, they do not, and only ridicule Iroha for her seemingly impossible set of memories. Throughout Chapter Ten she is belittled for sticking to her goals. She’s ensured on all fronts that Touka and Nemu aren’t believing her, and that there’s nothing she can do to change their minds. But, no matter how many times Iroha is told by the world that she’s believing in a lie, she never lets her belief go.

“I’m still going. No matter what you say. I’m bringing Ui back with me…She’s the whole reason I came back to Kamihama.”

This stubborn determination, when twisted by the corrupt perception of a Witch, is far more like paranoid desire: an aching, fearful need to find whatever is missing in her heart and get rid of whatever threatens it.

Following this, let’s talk about Giovanna’s feature: a cuckoo. Cuckoos are solitary birds, shy and secretive, and best known for their calls. Yet, Giovanna’s beak is tied up with cloth. She cannot call for anyone. Her journey to find Ui is painted as one of futility: Giovanna searches and searches for the one she’s longed for, but in the end, is too afraid to call out to her.

Here’s a fun detail, by the way:

In Episode 5, when Iroha summons her Doppel for the first time, Giovanna actually does not have bandages around her beak (which is why she’s able to let out that high-pitched shriek):

In future appearances, however, Giovanna does have the bandages around her beak.

Come to think of it, Giovanna looks rather... different in her first appearance, doesn’t she? Not only is her beak not bandaged, but her colors are a lot redder and more decayed, her cloak is worn and full of holes, and the crown around her head is gone. This may just be a stylistic choice for Iroha’s first Doppel, but I can’t help but wonder if it’s a sign for something else. Maybe that Giovanna is angry with the Commoner’s Horse Uwasa for projecting an illusion of Ui? Giovanna does fight a lot more aggressively here than in any other appearance, after all - she wraps the Uwasa up and drills into it with her beak. Meanwhile, in her second appearance, she only attacks an Uwasa with her bandages.

Giovanna’s unwillingness to call for others actually brings up an interesting facet of Iroha’s character: her sacrificial devotion. The reason that Iroha unleashes her Doppel in Episode 5 is because she neglects her own needs in favor of others. She believes that she must be strong on her own to find Ui, a thought reflected by her own Doppel’s words in Episode 7:

“Stronger…If you don’t become strong, you won’t be able to find anything! Cover your ears! Shut those eyes! Silence determines fate!”

When Iroha fails to find Ui within the Uwasa of the Commoner’s Horse, she is filled with despair. Ui was right before her eyes, proving the beliefs that even she may have begun to doubt. Yet, in that same instant she recognizes the Ui she sees is nothing but an illusion the Uwasa projected for her. So close, and yet so far. When Iroha begins to succumb to her despair, she even mentions that it might’ve been from the shock of not seeing Ui.

With all of these feelings, all of this disappointment and despair, who does Iroha use her only Grief Seed on? Yachiyo, of course. At this point in the story, Iroha wants to be friends with Yachiyo, but they are not seen as equals. She is not comfortable enough to open up to Yachiyo about her feelings, and neither is Yachiyo with her own. Yet, Iroha still sacrifices herself to keep Yachiyo from falling to despair. And by staying silent about her own woes, Iroha falls to her despair for the first time, summoning her Doppel.

Let’s keep this topic in mind and focus on something I haven’t addressed before: the Magia Archive artbook! There are some production notes in here that provide insights on the meaning and symbolism behind a Doppel. Unfortunately, I don’t know Japanese, but I did find a translation of Giovanna’s section, courtesy of @greenyvertekins. Here is a small piece from it that I would like to highlight:

“The motif is a bird flute and a saint with a rabbit-like appearance.”

The theme of a “saint” struck me as a little odd, at first. I wasn’t sure where I was supposed to get that idea from her design. But, it did lead me to a unique little find, which is probably a stretch, but maybe kind of cool anyway?

(credit to Silvermoon424 on Reddit for the scan!)

It’s a bit harder to see in the official art, but that crown circling Giovanna’s head – to me, it sort of looks like a crown of thorns. A crown of thorns is a very striking sign of self-sacrifice.

And sure, this is the stretchiest stretch that ever stretched, but those drop-like patterns on Giovanna’s body are red, and kind of look like drops of blood, right? Beads of blood that have also been associated with the crown of thorns, r-right? Right…?

Phew…I’ve been going on for a while, haven’t I? Is this…is this longer than the first one? I don’t even know anymore…Let’s silently wrap this up with one more, fun little stretch on my part.

Both cuckoos and bunnies, which are elements of Giovanna’s design, are symbolically representative of spring. Spring is cherry blossom season in Japan, and the Eternal Sakura Uwasa lives near a cherry blossom tree only said to bloom when Touka, Nemu, Ui and Iroha are united again. At the end of the event Cherry Blossom Dreams, the Eternal Sakura even remarks that “spring can finally begin” because they are all together. So, if you squint really hard, maaaaybe the springtime connections here are representative of Iroha, Touka, Nemu, and Ui’s union under the cherry blossom tree. But probably not. I’m just having some fun.

And, that’s it! That’s all I’ve got for Giovanna! Wow! That sure was something!

I hope you all enjoyed my silly little analysis! I know some of these connections are a bit loose, but I like drawing whatever parallels I can with what understanding I have, haha. It was great to write one of these again and share it with you all!

If you have any of your own thoughts, additions, or corrections, do send them along! I would love to hear other interpretations!

#magia record #doppel spotlight #iroha tamaki #giovanna

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thedamageofherdays · 2 years

Note

Hey pal, I was wondering what you think about people "begging" for kudos and reblogs and comments and whatnot? Cos sometimes it feels like a guilt trip yanno? Idk you seem pretty smart about these things so yeah wanted to know if you have Thoughts™️ And no need to publish if you feel it's gonna cause issues either. Just genuinely curious to know what you have to say 😘😘

Hi anon! Thanks for asking ❤

This is certainly a complicated topic and, potentially, controversial. So before I get into my thoughts I want to add that nothing I am about to say is aimed at anyone in particular. These are just some general observations and thoughts that I've had during my time in fandom. I am adding a read more cause my reply got a bit lengthy oops.

The first thing is that as someone who creates content I get wanting people to like and appreciate the things you put out into the world. Even as someone for primarily creates for themselves, getting that appreciation feels nice and validating. There are issues with constantly wanting to chase that rush but I will get into that later. Initially I just wanna make clear I get wanting to feel appreciated. A lot of creators put a lot of hard work into the things they make and often don't get much of a response. Which can be demotivating. Especially when sometimes reposts of artists works and plagiarism gets a much larger response than the creator themselves got. And honestly? Fandom can be a bit if a popularity contest sometimes. And some people only appear to value people who are popular which is incredibly disheartening.

But at the same time, as much as I understand wanting more appreciation, the way it gets phrased sometimes and the way people handle these things is in fact guilt-trippy. And I'm not a fan of that at all. No one is actually obligated to like your works or leave kudos or reblogs or leave comments. You don't know why a random stranger on the internet does or doesn't respond to your creation. They could have a million reasons why. And ultimately the reason doesn't even matter. They didn't reblog or they didn't leave a comment. Maybe they just liked or left kudos. Maybe they did neither. We can’t make them. We can explain the benefits of more people reblogging or leaving comments. We can talk about how it motivates creators to make more. But we can't make every single individual interact with everything they come across. And I strongly believe that making people feel guilty or like they are lesser because they didn't reblog will actually prevent them from interacting more because that's a lot of pressure.

Another thing regarding this I have noticed is that a lot of people who complain about the lack of interaction they get don't actually bother interacting with other people's creations. Which to me feels a bit hypocritical. You can't expect people to devote energy to you if you don't devote energy to anyone else. And this doesn't mean you, the creator, have to like every single person's works either, no one can like every single thing. But if you don't support anybody while expecting to get that support it makes me very suspicious and actually less likely to share your works.

The next thought I have is complicated. Because sharing your creations is incredibly vulnerable. And I understand that even people who get a lot of reblogs and likes and kudos and comments will still feel vulnerable and they can still get insecure. But it does, sometimes, feel a little off when people who appear to get a lot of appreciation for their work say it's not enough when I know there are plenty of people who get way less interaction. Now, I don't mean for this to be accusing and I truly do understand feeling insecure over your works and feeling like people don't like your works because you got less kudos than your previous work or someone else did or someone left a comment that made you doubt yourself. And those feelings are real and valid and I think people should be allowed to talk about the hard parts of creating and I think that goes for every creator, no matter how popular they are. But sometimes I do catch myself feeling uncomfortable about it.

I think this ties into the thing I mentioned earlier about chasing that rush. When a fanwork does well and everyone seems to like it, you get this rush of excitement. At least I do! And it's fun and wonderful and then you post the next work and for whatever reason it doesn't do as well and that's rough, really rough. You just want to get that nice feeling again. And you might never get it. Because a fanwork doing well isn't about quality. Some of the most talented people I know hardly get any appreciation. Equally there are some incredibly popular fanworks I just do not vibe with. There are so many factors that play into it. How late did you post? How many other people posted something that day? Is your fanwork niche or does it contain a popular trope? Did a popular blog reblog your work? Was it part of an event that brought more attention to it? And many other factors. I know people sometimes talk about needing to market your fanworks and while I acknowledge that it can be helpful to get more people to see your work if you do everything "right" it's still not a guarantee and I genuinely hate the concept anyway because fandom is my hobby and not a job and I don't wanna market my hobby because it makes me miserable.

So yeah this is a very ramble-y response (is anyone surprised?) to say that I think sometimes people do get guilt-trippy and while I get wanting more appreciation for your creations (trust me I've been there) sometimes people don't consider what the best way of getting appreciation is. And as cheesy as it is? Creating for yourself is the best thing. I am happiest when I make the things that make me happy and excited, no matter how niche they are. I think creating for other people's appreciation makes creating stressful and puts a lot of burdens on a creator that actually make it stressful and difficult to create.

Also a last final thought I have... I feel like all of this ties into something else I noticed and that's people taking people who rec a lot of things for granted. (I know the same happens to creators but that's a different issue). Sometimes it feels like reccers aren't seen as nice people who just really like fics but as a marketing tool for your fics and from experience I can say that being made to feel that way honestly sucks.

Anyway final disclaimer: I think my thoughts on this subject are very much in progress so I might not have phrased everything perfectly and I might change my mind on things.

Final final disclaimer: please no one yell at me and please don't take any of this as a personal attack. It isn't meant to be.

Thanks again for asking anon!

#asks #rrambles #fandom stuff

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echo-of-sounds · 4 years

Text

eating disorder

How Aizawa, Toshinori, and Fatgum would help and support their s/o who has an eating disorder. Though a few of these are vague about what specific type, I did focus more on anorexic/restrictive disorders since I drew from my past problems with them.

Aizawa Shouta

While Aizawa's not the most knowledgeable on the subject, he does know it's about more than the number on the scale. It's shame, guilt, feeling like if you can't control anything in your life, the one thing you should be able to control is that damn number.

Those days where the number only goes up and a small piece of you breaks, he's there to listen. But he'll also remind you that people's weight changes every day- even changing throughout the day. You may wake up and go to bed at different weights.

It can come across a little too blunt given the delicate situation, but it's Aizawa. He’ll still hold you and try (as best he can) to comfort and understand you. And he’ll always talk you down from the high.

He'll be more cautious with his grocery shopping. He’ll want to gravitate towards nutritious items but, honestly, he'll just pick up anything you'll eat. Though he does stock up on a bunch of juices that contain servings of fruits and vegetables hoping it will give you some sustenance.

Workouts can be hard and without proper nutrition, dangerous. If he notices that your clothing is starting to slip off you, he may start to work out with you as a way to keep a closer eye on you. He doesn’t mean to be overbearing or make you think he sees you as weak, he’s worried.

The combination of restricting food and intense workouts can quickly become life-threatening, landing you in the hospital. Obviously, that’s the last place he’d ever want you to be.

On that note, Aizawa is not above bringing you to a doctor. Or calling a nutritionist. Or a therapist. Or a helpline. Anybody- anything- that can offer support. He knows this is something that won’t go away in a few weeks or months. He also knows the best way he can help is by being there with you through the appointments and unbearably long days.

Yagi Toshinori

While he may not have an eating disorder, he is aware of what it feels like to be controlled by food; when, where, and how much. It’s exhausting: makes you feel like your day is measured by food and not minutes.

Toshi approaches you understandingly without shying away from what it actually is and asks what you need from him. He'll change restaurant plans to museum trips and ice cream dates to beach walks.

Since he often has to plan for his irregular diet, he's always there to help you plan meals in a way that won't harm you, mentally or physically. He knows you can't ‘just eat’ like everyone tells you to, but your body needs nutrients. And that worries him the most.

If he ever catches you during a bad moment, staring in the mirror, clutching, digging at your skin because it's wrong, he'll gently direct you away, repeating the comforting words and actions you use with him.

Now, what scares him the most is that he recognizes that look and knows the horrible thoughts that go through his head when he’s like that. He absolutely hates how you think the same way and will do anything to distract you- movies, board games, sex, shopping for some new lamps- anything to move you away from the shameful circle your brain spins. It's what you do for him. It's what he’ll do for you.

Doctors/Therapists appointments can be scary when you feel like you failed your goals. Toshi will accompany you to any of them, for any reason. He’ll go in with you or stay in the waiting room. Just say whatever and he's there.

Toyomitsu Taishiro

Though he knows what eating disorders are, he doesn't understand them as much as the other two. His whole life involves food. It fuels power. Plus, people need it to live. So when someone has adverse feelings to it or doesn't want it at all, he has some trouble understanding.

But with every large bone in his body, he will always try for you. He reads as much as he can from trusted sources and calls places that offer information. He may ask people he knows for more personal anecdotes or ways to support someone struggling with one (leaving your name and details out of course).

Tai will ask you a lot of questions. If they get difficult or you start crying, prepare to be swaddled in his sweatshirt. He never wants to push your boundaries. He just genuinely wants to know what's going through your head. Because if he can understand your thinking, even by a fraction, he hopes to help and support you that much more.

When he’s in his skinny form and eating a lot to power up again, please tell him if it gets too hard being around him. He’s learned it’s not about him but the food. He’ll plan around the time he spends with you for his training/eating.

If he notices you starting to shut down or sees your judgment every time you look in a reflection, he’ll carry you off for some cuddling. Remarks involving appearances can be a little touchy because sometimes they just don't feel real, no matter how many times he whispers ‘beautiful’ and ‘gorgeous’. Instead, he’ll list every trait that makes you powerful; every accomplishment that proves your worth; every characteristic that draws people towards you, makes them love and care for you; everything you are that validates you’re worthy of love, including self-love.

#aizawa shouta #aizawa x reader #all might #all might x reader #toshinori x reader #yagi toshinori #fatgum #fatgum x reader #taishiro toyomitsu #aizawa headcanons #all might headcanons #fatgum headcanons #bnha #bnha headcanons #bnha x reader #tw eating disorder

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rachelbethhines · 4 years

Text

Tangled Salt Marathon - The Return of the King

So we’re back to the quasi-filler stuff. This episode does set a few things up for the finale, like bringing Edmund to Corona, but none of those things are actually good and it’s still mostly filled with irrelevant shit alongside the more important stuff.

Summary: King Edmund arrives in Corona to see his long-lost son, Eugene, and to give him the royal sash of their bloodline. Eugene wants nothing to do with him, but Rapunzel invites him to stay. Later, the sash is stolen and a ransom note is left behind. Edmund and Eugene decide to go and retrieve it. Meanwhile, the Stabbington Brothers plot revenge on Eugene as they are both viewed as a joke by the other criminals.

So How Did the Stabbingtons Escape the Prison Barge

Last we saw them they were stuck on a prison barge along with Lady Caine and all of the other season one villains. How did they escape? Did Lady Caine or anybody else make it out? If so then where are they this season?

We’re not going to get any of those questions answered are we?

Man this is just sloppy continuity. Which ironic, because these two were only brought back this season because of continuity. They need to be “redeemed” so that they can be at the wedding. I guess it just sucks to be you if you’re an original villain for this show and not named Cassandra.

Why Is This Deserving of Ridicule?

Like...We’re talking about a world renowned thief and adventurer and his magical royal girlfriend who are well known enough outside of Corona to be mentioned and there for no doubt people know how they both defeated monsters, daemons, and several criminals besides just there two guys, right?

This plot point makes no sense.

You could just kick these dumbasses butts and be done with it. I doubt they’d bother picking on you again if you did.

Did we really need even more motivation for them to want revenged against Eugene?

Rapunzel is Back to Being Her Bossy Self

Rapunzel has not earned the role of “wise administrator” yet. She’s only been out of the tower for two years now and she has yet to prove to the audience that she has managed to learn anything since then. By jumping the gun and forcing her into a role that she hasn’t grown into, and by ignoring that this whole show started out as a coming of age story, it just makes Rapunzel unpleasant to be around. All her “advice” is just her ordering people about with a veneer of chipperness to try and mask her controlling nature. People who should know more about their own lives than she does and have no reason to listen to her.

So We’re Showing Rapunzel Being Responsible... By Having Her Avoid Responsibility?

Part of why the writers made her “acting queen” for the first half the season was to get her to grow into the role of becoming full time queen. However they screwed this up by not having her actually learn anything and having her avoid the real duties a queen preforms.

What Rapunzel is doing her is just being a socialite busybody. The only administrative thing she does is approve some low-scale building plans for a small business. A thing that would have been handled by a lower official in an actual functioning government.

Once again Rapunzel is being selfish and doing what she like, ie bossy people around while having them kiss her ass, as the real work of running the kingdom is left to someone else. This isn’t being responsible, it’s being hypocritical, but don't expect anyone to ever call Rapunzel out for this.

Pointless Action Scene is Pointless

At this point, the low stakes action sequences are just cringe. Like is this an adventure show or not people? Stop forcing crap like this and give us some real conflicts instead.

How Did You Get Here So Fast Edmund?

It took Rapunzel and company nearly a year to get to the Dark Kingdom. Even if Edmund wasn't delayed with pit stops like they were, it would have still taken him several months to get here by horse.

Did he take a boat, or have four to six months already past since Rapunzel’s Return?

I would argue that this episode was aired out of order and should have been later in the season, but Cassandra’s appearance at the end of this story, and Hamnuel’s appearances in later episodes, would suggest otherwise.

Crap like this is why season’s three timeline doesn’t work unless you stretch everything out to two years instead of one.

Read the Room Rapunzel

One could argue that Rapunzel is just trying to be polite, but that doesn't really hold water.

For starters Eugene is clearly upset and has every right to want to set boundaries between himself and Edmund. Ignoring that is incredibly rude and if my significant other ever did such a thing, well they wouldn’t be my significant other for very long.

Secondly, Rapunzel could have offered other accommodations if she felt pressured to be polite to Edmund. Not only are their lots of inns in a port town known for trade, many of which are probably well-to-do, but there’s also that convent that was mentioned back in season one. It has to be somewhere in Corona itself and as the so far only mentioned major religious organization in the country it would no doubt have stately quarters for when royalty and nobility would visit.

So not only would it be a suitable place for a visiting king to stay in, as it would be made for such things, but it’s also far enough away that Eugene wouldn’t feel like his space is being invaded but close enough that Edmund could come and go as he pleases.

By that point it’s still between Edmund and Eugene and Rapunzel can stay out of it, like she should.

Eugene is Right

These are all valid reasons for cutting someone out of your life. Furthermore, you don’t even need a reason. If you don’t want to associate with somebody then just don't associate with. It’s your life. You don’t have to justify how you choose to live it and people who actually care about you should respect that.

Unfortunately no one respects Eugene.

Not Edmund, not Rapunzel, and most certainly not the writers.

Then Why Don't You Get Closer to Edmund, Rapunzel?

I understand Rapunzel’s viewpoint here. Edmund is the only person she’s ever met who has experienced the same isolation that she has. He’s one of the very few people whom she can empathize with.

However that doesn’t give her the right to force her views upon her boyfriend. If she cared so much than she could just befriend Edmund herself and leave Eugene out of it.

Trying to encourage a child to have relationship with a parent who neglected them is super tone deaf at best and outright disrespectful at worst. It’s also highly hypocritical seeing as Rapunzel cut Gothel out of her life for similar reasons and Eugene only ever supported her for it.

No really, flip the situation. If Eugene tried to encourage Rapunzel to give Gothel a second chance everyone would be slamming him for it. So why does Rapunzel get a free pass?

Shorty Already Did That, Eugene. Don’t You Remember?

I mean, you were literally right there when it happened. Are we forgetting season two the same as season one now?

So Why Are Stan and Pete Suddenly Back, But Not Cap?

I mean we went through all that trouble in Rapunzel’s Return to write them out of the narrative and here they are without any explanation. Why are simple set ups so dang hard for this show?

Rapunzel is Overstepping Her Bounds Here

Ok, giving Edmund a place to stay is one thing. Suggesting to Eugene that he should give Edmund a chance is not appropriate but still forgivable. But this?

This crosses a fucking line!

Eugene is not Rapunzel’s subject. He’s her boyfriend, and a prince in his own right. Rapunzel can’t just volunteer him for crap without his consent. That’s just indirectly ordering him about like she would a servant.

Once again, flip the script. If Eugene tried to force Rapunzel to work with Gothel everyone would be up in arms. Why is this then deemed okay?

This is Coercion

Not only is Edmund and Rapunzel trying to guilt trip Eugene here but she even fucking elbows him!

Like this isn’t “cute couple bickering” here. That kind of stuff is reserved only for inconsequential shit.

This a woman trying to strong arm and guilt trip her husband to be into having a relationship with his abusive father! Because guess what? Neglect is still abuse!

Rapunzel has zero say in Eugene and Edmund’s relationship. It’s none of her fucking business! Trying to force her into this plot just makes her look like an asshat.

I mean look at this smug smile! The fucking bitch is proud of being a shit human being and a terrible girlfriend.

And of course don't expect the show to call out this behavior as wrong because of out of date sexist double standards. If you think any of this is okay then just role reverse Eugene and Rapunzel here and then tell me its still alright.

The Show Missed a Real Trick By Not Naming Him Horus Instead

Horus, the sun god, would have been a nice bit of irony and given meaning to the name while keeping the joke virtually unchanged. You could have had both lore and a punchline.

And I would argue that the joke as is, isn’t even funny. Horace is indeed a lame name, but not for the reason that the show gives. It’s lame because it’s not unique enough. There’s already a Disney character named Horace and I’m sure there are real people out there with that name as well since it’s not completely unheard of. So the joke falls flat and winds up insulting anyone with that name.

Don’t Expect Any Pay Off for Eugene’s Identity Issues This Season

Yeah the show makes a big deal out of Eugene having a mid-life crisis through out season three, but then never resolves it in any meaningful way.

Edmund Is an Asshole

I don’t care how “crazy” he is. Calling someone by a name they don't wished to be called is just plain rude. Acknowledging someone’s preferred name is just a basic common courtesy that is expected of everyone. Once again, this isn’t funny, quirky, nor charming, just unpleasant.

So the Animators Wasted a Model on a No-Named Character Who Only Appears Once

Someone said this little girl appears in season one, but it’s not noticeable if she does. She also doesn’t have a name and this is her only speaking role. What a waste of money. Just have one of the braided girls from the movie instead. You already built models for them and haven’t really used them.

And before some mentions race here, this is poor rep already cause the character has no impact.

Turns Out, Varian Didn’t Even Need Those Truth Serum Cookies

Not only does this dumb down Pete to a ridiculous degree, but it also invalidates everything Varian went through in The Alchemist Returns and the grief he got from everyone for using the truth serum.

Oh, and it’s also lazy writing and a plot contrivance.

That’s Not Figgy Pudding!

This is Figgy Pudding.

It’s a boiled “pudding” that’s more like a cake with dried fruit in it. During the 14th through 18th centuries such bread puddings were made to be carried around in ones pocket or knapsack for eating on the go. They’re nothing like the creamy custards we call puddings today.

It also looks nothing like what’s shown on the screen below.

That’s like a half eaten loaf of wheat bread?

That’s jelly filled .. apparently...?

Once Again, If You Have to Make Everyone Else Incompetent to Make Your Hero Useful to the Plot Then You Need a New Plot

Rapunzel has zero business in this plot. She doesn’t even need to be in this episode beyond a cameo. Trying to cram her into the protagonist role in a conflict that doesn’t involve her is just a disservice to everyone.

Winnie The Pooh Is More Mature Than This Show

More of that meta commentary I was talking about last episode, and it just as full of shit as ever.

Seriously Find Her, Keep Her is the best script I have ever seen in any show. It’s perfectly balanced so that anyone of any age can relate to it. It’s real and heartbreaking and perfectly suitable for small children to understand. There’s no shock value, no darkness, no modern satire, but its far more mature and complex and deep than anything TTS has tried.

Also Rabbit is a far better father than any dad in this show, while still being cut from the same trope. There’s no shame in being a children’s show when its done well and this now 30 year old kids show runs rings around what ever mess Tangled is trying to sell.

Eugene Isn’t Exaggerating Here and I Don't Know How to Feel About That

Turns out Eugene did grow up with these guys the same as he did with Lance. It’ll be confirmed only two episodes later. That just recontextualizes everything. He didn’t just betray some rando guys that he held no feelings for, he betrayed people that he’s known and worked with since childhood.

Now just because he’s known them doesn’t mean that they were family to him like Lance, but like the fact that he keeps claiming then as such through out the episode would suggest that perhaps they were like siblings.

That’s ... ingenious. That makes Flynn Rider retroactively an even worse person and gives the Stabbingtons real reason for vengeance.

Only the show doesn't do anything with this! It just makes Eugene an even bigger jerk in the movie for zero reason.

Let Me Reiterate, Edmund Is an Asshole

Just like with Frederic, Cassandra, and Rapunzel the show uses framing to try and make the audience side with people who do unforgivable things.

Edmund is an abuser. He neglected his own son for 25 years. But the show presents him as “funny” and “quriky” and “look at his pouty face, he’s so lonely”....

No!

Edmund isn’t deserving of anything and how he treats Eugene here is garbage.

This show is utter crap writing wise but boy does it know how to gaslight its own audience into siding with bullies and abusers.

Eugene Is One Thousand Percent In the Right Here, But Don’t Expect the Narrative to Acknowledge That

There’s nothing you can do to make up for that.

Eugene might forgive him. Eugene might move on from it. Eugene might decide a relationship it still worth having with Edmund. But the horrible thing still happened and it happened because Edmund allowed it to happen. There’s no going back from that and everything going forward has to be on Eugene’s terms alone.

But the narrative won't allow Eugene that agency.

Even as he makes his grand proclamation about being done with Edmund the cameras chooses to focus on Edmund and his feelings. The story is already priming the audience to prioritize Edmund over Eugene so that when the forced and contrived forgiveness scene comes we won't question it. But it only comes because Chris doesn’t deem Eugene as individual person with thoughts and feels of his own, but as an avatar to fulfill his wishfulment fantasy regarding his own personal daddy issues.

Rapunzel’s Characterization in Season Three is Just....Off

Ok, even ignoring the major stuff, like not recognizing what she’s done wrong, putting her into roles she’s not meant to carry, and making her a shitty girlfriend suddenly, Rapunzel just behaves contrary to her character all through out season three even in small subtle ways like here.

On the surface this seems like a clever call back to Great Expotations, but lets examine more closely, shall we.

On one end we have yo-yos; an invention that’s been around since ancient Greece and is so wide spread across the globe that the word “yo-yo” itself is theorized to come from Indonesia and the Philippines.

On the other end there is Rapunzel. A woman who spent 18 years isolated inside of a tower, because of this she is both ignorant of somethings and insatiability curious and eager to learn. Or at least she was, until striking out onto a year long road trip, and having now been out of the tower for only two years, claims to know better than the entire fucking world about this object who’s existence she didn’t even know about until only a year and half ago!

Like what kind of sense does this make? Why would you abandon the core of her drive and motivation, to learn, explore, and grow, and then call it “development”?

How Did Edmund Get Beat By These Guys?

Edmund took out Adria. The Brotherhood is suppose to be the best physical fighters in this world and Edmund is supposed to be best out of all of them. Yet he’s taken out by two random, mediocre dudes who didn't even jump him. They gave him time to respond and he stood up to fight them.

Was all his physical prowess tied into that axe? Is the axe magic?

If you characters have to be depowered for unexplained reasons for the plot to work than you haven’t a good plot.

This Isn’t as Heartwarming as You Think It Is Show

If Edmund knew where Eugene was this whole time then he could have actually provided for his son. He could have arranged adoption with someone by letter, sent money, food, clothes, ect, maybe even wrote to Eugene directly and kept up a long distance relationship to be there for him emotionally.

There is literally no excuse anymore for Edmund to hide behind. He literally neglected his duties as a parent, just cause.

Finding these things shouldn’t make Eugene happy. Finding these things should piss him off even further because that’s how any logical adult would respond to this bullcrap.

I sure know I’m angry. I’m angry that Eugene is a pawn for the creators’ writing wank-off rather then being treated as human being; as an actual character.

“Nice” Isn’t the Same Thing as Kind, Rapunzel

One could argue that she’s not even superficially nice in season three, but the real problem here is that the show, and by extension Rapunzel herself, doesn’t understand the difference between being “pleasant” and actually being a good person. Outwardly polite people can stab you in the back, can kill you even, and not care, as Rapunzel has demonstrated repeatedly since season one.

Do They Have to Be “Family” for Eugene to Give a Damn?

Can’t Eugene just do the right thing, because it’s the right thing to do? People don't need to be friends and family to care about each others lives. Kindness isn’t transactional. Empathy and true charity doesn’t come with strings attached. If Eugene’s whole arc is about becoming a better person, then making the Stabbingtons “family” kind of undermines this.

Don’t Reward the Dude for Doing the Bare Fucking Minimal

No seriously. Edmund forfeited the right to ever be called “dad” by Eugene a long fucking time ago. He doesn’t get to be called that now just because he stopped being a piece of scum and showed the bare minimal of human decency. Even if Eugene decides to have a relationship with Edmund after this, it doesn’t mean that he has to be recognized as his dad or that that relationship will be a parental one.

Eugene, and by Extension the Show, Places Rapunzel Upon a Pedestal to the Detriment of All

Only 4 villains out of 20 get redeemed in this show. Four, and yes I’m counting the Stabbintions as one entity here. That’s 16 times Rapunzel failed to give someone a second chance just cause she didn’t feel like it that day, and even here she did fuck all in trying to give the Stabbingtons any sort of chance. That was all on Eugene.

The more this show goes on, the more it looks like Eugene is just in love with the idea of Rapunzel rather than who she actually is as a person. It’s a disservice to both their characters but it damages Rapunzel most of all because the show perpetuates this over idealization to everyone she interacts with.

It’s really sickening to watch and terrifying to know that some uphold this selfish brat as a “role model” for little girls. There’s nothing empowering in being an inhuman “goddess” who can do no wrong....even as they do several wrongs and never gets called out on it.

This Isn’t “Cute”

Eugene can’t even have an opinion on a fucking toy!

Look if you still like New Dream despite how horribly written it is this season, then good for you. That is completely understandable, especially since this is mainly a problem with season three and not really in the first two seasons and certainly not in the movie.

But if you try to deny that they aren’t toxic in season three, that people who do have problems with how they’re written aren’t valid in their concerns, than you’re either someone who hasn’t been paying attention or someone who has gross double standards for women in relationships.

This Scene Is A Waste of Time

This doesn’t tell the audience anything. It contradicts what was previously established concerning her powers without explanation and then just throws the creepy girl voice in there for a lazy hook. It doesn’t work at foreshadowing since we repeat this info all over again in the next episode and it doesn’t expand upon neither Zhan Tiri’s nor Cassandra’s characters.

In fact it kind of contradicts Cassandra’s characterization in the last episode as well. Is she a remorseless bad bitch or a vulnerable woobie? She can’t be both. Not in the way show is going about it anyways.

It’s poor time management and poor storytelling.

Conclusion

It was mildly better than Rapunzel’s Return, but that’s not saying much. Everyone’s character is still circling the drain and there’s no escape line in sight.

But before I close out, here is a real world update. I had to quit my job at Amazon for personal reasons and am currently job hunting. I’m not hurting right now, I do have money saved up to cover me for at least a month and I’ve been doing commissions here and there, however despite having more time technically to write these reviews, I’m now having to juggle it along with artwork and job hunting.

If you would like to support my reviews and other personal projects you can send me a tip over at Ko-Fi and more public commissions will be opening soon over there as well.

https://ko-fi.com/rachelbethhines

#eugene #anti-rapunzel #anti-tangled #tangled #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure

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favathornewood · 3 years

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the proposal

under the “read more” you will find the real story of hudson & fava’s proposal. there is mention of the games so please be wary of the following triggers: death, suicidal ideation, serious injuries.

(it’s also long so be aware of that too lol)

Dinner has become a regular thing. Not just once or twice a week, but three — four, five — and they never leave after the dishes are done. They stay to chat with Wren, to make jokes with her mother, to stare at Fava herself when they think she isn’t looking. Sometimes she catches herself staring at them too though the sentiment is different.

It is Thursday when they talk until long after the sun goes down. It is Thursday when she asks them to stay, if they don’t mind, because she hasn’t been sleeping well. That was an understatement; she hasn’t slept in days.

Insomnia is a wretched beast, one far more painful than anything she had to face in the Games.

Fava doesn’t know how long she’s been lying with her cheek pressed against their shoulder, but it feels like an eternity. It feels weighted too, but everything does these days. After a moment, she rubs her face against the fabric of their shirt gently to gain their attention. She can still see their eyes clearly in the darkness. Thank you, Capitol, for the enhancements.

“Hudson,” she begins softly, “do you ever think about marrying me?”

They wondered, when they were alone in their new bedroom at night, whether Fava was sleeping. While they wondered, of course, they weren’t sleeping, either.

It felt easier on the train, on their Victory Tour. Like they only had each other. Now, though, Fava has their family, and Hudson keeps their distance, unsure of what any of those nights actually meant. It’d be simpler, maybe, if Fava loved them only when the Capitol could see, and never at any other time. But it wouldn’t be better. They wouldn’t trade these moments in the dark for anything.

It feels easier to talk to her, like this. But her question still trips them up, makes their tongue feel heavy in their mouth. They don’t know why she’s asking; they don’t know what she wants to hear. “Yes,” they say, because they’ve never been in the habit of lying, although they do turn their face away. “Is that okay? Should I—not have?”

Fava inhales at their confession — yes, they have thought about marrying her. Immediately she wonders how often the thought crossed their mind, what kind of fantasies they constructed. The outright sincerity of their statement makes her stomach turn; she’s never been good with vulnerability.

Hudson must hand pick specific traits of hers and expand on others, creating a universe where she is more open with them and more forgiving too. She knows that she will never be able to give them the life that they deserve. She isn’t capable of such softness, such romanticism. Guilt will plague her for the rest of their lives; guilt hand delivered by President Snow himself.

“Yes, it’s okay.” She chooses her words carefully, grateful that Hudson’s looked away from her. Light eyes search the air for something to say. “Sometimes I think about it too.”

It is a lie. She has never once thought about marriage. Not with Hudson, not with anybody.

They’re not so far gone in their childhood crush that it doesn’t surprise them to hear that.

When he was dying in the Arena and her kind touch on his face felt like all he had to hold onto, he believed that she loved him. After the Games, though, they came crashing back down to earth. Now they don’t know what she feels. Like picking petals off of a flower: she loves me, she loves me not.

Sometimes, they feel like they can’t keep up with her moods. When they’re allowed to be close, and when they’re not. It’s easiest, then, to let her set the pace. To let her come to them. It doesn’t usually lead to disappointment: she tells them they can stay for dinner; she asks them to spend the night. She takes what she needs.

“You do?” They ask, because after the Arena they can’t not ask, even when part of them wants to stay in this bubble where they can pretend that they have no reason to doubt it, when it’s dark and and they’re holding onto each other and it feels like it could be true. “I wouldn’t—I wouldn’t have guessed that.”

If she were smarter, Fava would have started softening herself for them a long time ago. Or, rather, she would have maintained the vulnerability that she showed back in the Arena. She still had moments of it to be fair, but it isn’t as often. Or asconsistent.

She can nearly hear Nelly scolding her about the importance of planning as if this was something that Fava could see coming. She should have — everything done in the Games is looking at through a magnifying glass until someone else comes along with a victory more exciting. But she — they — made history. This is the first time there’s been two Victors, the first time that District 12 has ever seen so much greatness. They will never rest easy.

Or maybe they will.

Hudson seems content with the idea of spending the rest of their life with her. Surely they are the only one who has ever looked at her in that light. Maybe that is worth listening to.

She laughs despite herself, her head shaking slightly as rolls fully to her back, separating them. “It must be shocking that I of all people have dreams of the future.” She is staring at the ceiling above them when she reminds herself of the point of their conversation. “That I think about us.”

They’ve been carrying such guilt. He sat under the lights, in front of the cameras, and said something. Something that’s changed the course of their lives. And they didn’t even ask Fava about it.

They’d only been thinking about the Games, then. About getting attention, about getting sponsors, about increasing the chances of one of them—because it could only be one of them, and it could only be Fava—coming out of it alive. They never thought about after, because there wasn’t supposed to be an after. And so they never thought about this.

Maybe Fava’s words should absolve them of some of that. But instead, they just feel confused. Like they’ve hurt her, maybe. Like she thinks that they’re calling her cold, cruel, when they feel like they’ve just been—trying very hard not to think anything at all. Not to assume anything.

She rolls away from them, and their side suddenly feels very cold. Her words say that she wants to be closer—that she’s thinking about marriage—even as she’s moving away.

“And you think,” they say, sounding it out, trying to make it sound real. “About marriage? Marrying me?”

They say it so simply, yet it sounds so incredulous: and you think about marriage — marrying me?

For a second it makes her stomach turn to knots and she fights the urge to curl into a ball and close her eyes. Everything she’s ever done has been to support her family, to survive. Marrying Hudson is something that she needs to do to ensure the safety of those she loves. But it doesn’t feel good. They deserve more. They deserve the truth.

And yet, she can’t bring herself to give it to them. It would be easy to be honest and share the threat given by President Snow, but it would break them, perhaps irreparably, and Fava can’t have that on her shoulders too. It wouldn’t be that bad anyway; everyone longs for someone to love them unconditionally.

(A part of her loves them, of that she is certain, but she doesn’t know how to explain it.)

Allowing herself a moment of genuine vulnerability, Fava repositions in order to see them clearly once more. Her fingers tap against their chest plainly. It is a nervous habit, they know that much. “Yes. I think about marrying you. I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else.” Her lips part slightly, wanting to continue, but she doesn’t know what else to say.

The question on the tip of their tongue—is this about the Hunger Games?—isn’t one that there’s any point in asking. They already know the answer.

From the moment Hudson and Wren’s names were read in the Reaping, their every move has been about the Hunger Games. They made it out of the Arena, but still their every move for the rest of their lives will be about the Hunger Games. They wouldn’t be here, now, in this room together, without the Hunger Games. And so if Fava’s talking about marriage now, then surely it’s about the Hunger Games, too. About committing to the lie that they’ve both been telling, and will tell for the rest of their lives.

Hudson just has to decide if they can live with that, though it doesn’t feel like they have much of a choice.

They know she isn’t one to speak idly. If she’s bringing this up now, especially when it seems to cost her so much—her tapping fingers, her restlessness—then it’s for a reason. And they don’t want to make it harder for her, not when it’s already been so difficult. Not when the scrutiny seems to fall on her most of all out of the two of them. The Girl on Fire.

They raise their hand, take her tapping fingers in theirs, hold them clasped against their chest. “Is this a proposal?”

The action is so subtle yet it catches the breath in her throat. For a moment all she feels is peace. She allows her eyes to close and relish in the serenity of the feeling; her mind is at ease. There’s a part of her that wants to stay like this forever, trapped against their chest, but that would be selfish of her. She has people to care for, a District to represent, a Capitol to impress. Sometimes the pressure she feels is immeasurable. She’s drowning.

Drowning, drowning.

When her eyes open, a small smile follows and she shakes her head ever so slightly. “No, this is not a proposal.” She scoots closer to them once more and her lips press against his jaw, a gesture far more intimate than they have shared in weeks. It is fitting considering their current conversation. She knows what she’s doing, how to get them to act in a way that is needed. She has never considered herself manipulative, but apparently she is.

“I was hoping you would do that part.”

There’s so much that Fava’s had to do on her own. So many burdens that she’s taken on. She went into the Arena to protect her sister; and, once there, she protected Hudson, she saved their life. They think that she’s protecting them now, too. Both of them. She thinks this is something they have to do.

She’s already been asked to do so much, be so many things she’s not. They asked her to kill, and then they put her in pretty dresses and told her to smile, look at Hudson with lovesick eyes. She’s done it all, but now she’s asking Hudson for something, and they can’t ignore that. The last thing they want is to let her down.

If she needs Hudson to do this part for her, they can. They will, even if they know it will cost them something.

“I’ll do it,” they say, and it’s a promise, one made to themself as much as to Fava. “I’ll do it right now, but first, I just have to, you have to tell me—” they bite off their babbling, slide down in the covers until they’re eye level with Fava, their forehead pressing to hers, searching out her eyes in the dark. “Are you sure?”

A new thought: it isn’t only that Hudson deserves so much more than her, but that she doesn’t deserve them at all. Not in a million lifetimes according to Griffin. She knows that he is right, that she is broken in a way that cannot be held together with sweet whispers and promises, but —

No, it is about love. It is about survival.

In her best dreams, the ones that her mind gifts her as a reprieve between weeks of horrific nightmare, she is alone in the woods. The birds chirp and the sun is high; in the distance, a babbling brook and a deer gently drinking. It could feed her family for weeks. She can taste it in her tongue. In some ways, Hudson has become that deer. With them, they will never go hungry.

She is honest in her reply, though not in her intentions. “Yes, I am sure.” She repositions again to get closer, quite certain that she can’t get as close as she’d like to. She’d like to bury into their rib cage where it is warm and safe and quiet. Won’t they let her? “Ask me. Ask me and I’ll say yes.”

They stay there, for just a moment. The two of them close, like they couldn’t get any closer, in silence. It’s a moment that—if they could strip it of everything that brought them here, which seems like an impossible task—seems worth remembering. Just for a moment, and then with a final squeeze of their hand around hers, they extricate themself.

If they’re going to do this, they’re going to do it right.

There’s no shortage of Capitol-provided frippery in these new houses of theirs. They only have to cast around in the dark for a minute before they’re able to strip a small length of ribbon from some decorative something or other. They don’t have a ring, but they’re going to give Fava something.

And then they kneel at the side of the bed. Down on one knee. Getting there feels clumsy, a movement they haven’t practiced with their new leg. They’re glad, then, that they haven’t taken it off for the night, even though they should do that more than they do. They’re glad that it’s dark. That this is happening here, now, when it’s just them, and not on some TV screen.

“Fava,” they say, and that feels clumsy, too, a little too formal. They don’t have a speech prepared. But, luckily, there’s just one thing they have to say, hands held out for hers: “Will you marry me?”

When Hudson moves away from her, her heart begins to race, not because she’s happy, but because she’s fulfilling the prophecy that President Snow laid out for her.

She gets the urge to stop them from asking her, but she knows that would do more harm than good. They would never be able to look at her the same. (The worst parts of Fava say that’s for the best too.) Instead of facing them with honesty, she watches as they search her room for something to offer her. This brings a genuine smile to her lips. Hudson in so many words: thoughtful and kind.

Though she isn’t particularly experienced when it comes to any form of intimacy, Fava knows that this moment means a lot to them. It isn’t happening on Caesar’s show to be broadcasted to the masses; it is a moment made for only them, the way it should be. She sits and scoots herself to the edge of the bed, her eyes glued to Hudson as they clumsily bend to one knee.

Fava has never witnessed an engagement before. How fitting that her first one is her own. She too is pleased that it isn’t some grand thing. Her hands move into theirs before the nod comes. “Yes, Hudson,” she breathes, “I will marry you.” She seals their promise to each other with a kiss, one needed to convince them that this is real.

Their hands are shaking. They can’t say exactly why. They know she’s going to say yes. They know that, while maybe a sliver of it is, this isn’t really about how they feel about each other.

But they tie the ribbon around her finger, hold her hands tight in theirs. They’re going to have to ask Nelly for a ring, and they’re going to have to try hard to rein in her natural extravagance to make sure that it’s something Fava won’t hate to wear—nothing too big or bulky that would get in the way of drawing a bow.

But still they hope, maybe, that Fava will keep this improvised piece of ribbon, that it can be a reminder of the part of this that was just between them, before everything else came crashing in.

From the Arena to the Victory Tour, to sitting together on Cesar Flickerman’s stage, it feels like every kiss Fava’s bestowed upon them, every one that they’ve shared, has been for an audience. Has been sending a message. Maybe this is sending a message, too, but it’s one that they want to hear, one that’s just for them: We’re in this together.

As the vow goes: ’til death do us part.

#plot.#ft. hudson

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solitaire-dreams · 4 years

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Cycles and Scales: An analysis of Hananene’s Progression Pt 1

Because tumblr seemed to hate over 10 pictures in one text post. Wth?!

Cycles and Scales Part 2 <--

Hello, fellow shippers! I would like to take this opportunity to thank you all for the support on my other meta discussing the true chance of a Hananene kiss.

The attention on that post has encouraged me to complete this analysis (since I mentioned I planned to write a larger post, and I don’t want to fall flat on a written statement dozens have seen. Anxiety~)

Regardless, I still really enjoyed writing my analysis to give my two cents on the progression of Hanako and Nene’s relationship, and feel free to add your interpretations after reading.

This post will cover the first two topics (which will be explained below), since...

The rest of the text will be under the cut since it includes SPOILERS for...let’s say the latest manga chapter to be safe.

Thus, let us pull back the curtain and begin.

For the sake of organization, I will describe how this post is going to be divided. There are four main topics to be discussed. First, is the general cycle I have witnessed in terms of Hananene moments. Second, will be a...progression bar?? Timeline?? Basically topic 2 will discuss how Hanako’s feelings towards Nene have progressed in phases from “only friends” to “sh*t I’m in love”. Topic 3 is the inverse discussing the progression of Yashiro’s feelings. Finally, I plan to conclude with some brief thoughts on the next steps in their relationship.

Unfortunately, as mentioned before, the secret guidelines of tumblr text posts deemed the original analysis too long. Thus, this post only discusses topics 1 & 2.

So, without further ado, let’s begin.

1: The Hananene Whirlpool (TM of Solitaire)

Alright, so full discretion, I’m probably not the first person to notice this pattern, but I am the first person I know to properly summarize it.

So what is the Hananene Whirlpool?

And what’s a whirlpool doing here??

I chose this term over cycle because cycles can remain in roughly the same place when going back to a point. However, Hananene’s relationship doesn’t work like that. Each cycle pulls them deeper and deeper into their feelings, much like a whirlpool that sucks any objects trapped in it closer to the centre.

Here’s an artist rendition of the phenomena:

And now the artist’s statement:

As the visual attempts to depict, there are six stages in this whirlpool of ever increasing feelings.

1) Yashiro acquires a (pretty valid tbh) concern about the events or revelations of a trip into a boundary.

2) This is the one step that varies, but it accomplishes the same end purpose. Either Yashiro will approach Hanako about her new concern or Hanako will check in on Yashiro since she’s been avoiding him (’cause of the aforementioned concern). Both methods get Hanako and Yashiro in the same place to chat.

3) Once together, Yashiro brings up that new concern that has been weighing on or bothering her...She’s emotionally troubled, okay. This is important! Because...

4) Hanako makes himself more vulnerable in order to boost Yashiro’s mood.

5) This causes a romantic atmosphere since Hanako has temporarily taken off the mask he hides behind, allowing deeper feelings to bleed through and Yashiro to witness this.

6) So, Hanako has to murder the mood in cold blood. Love letter letdowns, Christmas tree hair in summer, and being shoved off a fricking cloud. Anything to try and restore the distance between them.

It somewhat works...But it’s an undeniable fact that the two are getting closer. And I can prove it with the next topics!

2: Hanako’s Feelings ~ A Timeline

For these timelines, there are three major stages that classify their feelings towards the other.

“Only Friends”

“Highschool Crush”

“Oh scales I’m in love”

While one might expect Hanako’s feelings to be the most difficult to determine and thus more interesting, it is quite the opposite.

If you notice, we rarely ever get any sort of internal monologue from our ghost boy. I can’t think of one canon scenario where this happened (I could be mistaken). Therefore, the feelings Hanako holds towards Yashiro are represented by actions over words. And the body cannot lie as easily as the mind, making his true feelings easier to figure out.

Disclaimer: I will not be counting the past Amanes in this timeline. There has been no canon evidence that he consciously remembers Yashiro’s time travel shenanigans, and so the impact of those events on his feelings remain unclear.

With that out of the way, let me bring up a surprising take:

Hanako only started having a crush on Yashiro towards the end of chapter 1.

It’s tempting to believe that Hanako already liked Yashiro before or not long after their first meeting due to this line:

However, I would like to bring up two points. First, this line doesn’t gain a super romantic context until he connects it to himself in particular.

Secondly, I don’t know about you, but I had friends who would say things like “Anybody would do for you, huh?” to tease them or give them a reality check. It’s not an inherently shippy phrase until Hanako makes it such.

Though, this implies that his feelings have changed throughout the chapter. When exactly? I’d argue it’s...right...here...

A running trend that occurs before Hanako allows himself to get closer to Yashiro tends to be her being upset...often because of our No 7.

Guilt.

It’s a core part of Hanako’s character. Whatever happened that led to Tsukasa’s death clearly weighs on him, despite evidence of being abused and mistreated--a situation that could cause many to snap.

He is terrified and regretful for how he has and can hurt others, and this is a key reason why he wears his more lighthearted mask. So, when he sees a girl that he clearly respects by this point and knows has less than a year to live be genuinely heartbroken about what he did...it was bound to trigger his overwhelming guilt. Then, the response of attempting amends for his actions leads him to try and stop and/or check in on her. Only to see she didn’t give her Senpai the scale. Since she learned the error of her ways. Another amendable attribute that attracts enough attention for assistant assignment.

Plus, a highschool crush.

It’s honestly more simple to tell that he’s started to crush on her after this point from his increasingly flirty behaviour.

Pinning her against a wall, “You have me,”, that “magic spell”...

An important thing to note is that his actions are...overly flirty...in a way that makes you question their sincerity. Capitalizing on his previously established trait of being a jokester, he’s able to play off these actions as teasing. Nothing serious. Probably because he already understands a longterm relationship between the two would be nearly unobtainable. At least, he’s able squeeze out the most romantic moments he can without worrying about a real relationship.

Yashiro has made it extremely clear she’s not his type,

So he’ll just reject him right?

This is where we cross over into L-O-V-E territory dear readers.

You can probably guess what scene I’ll cite as the change, but the seeds of the shift are planted all the way back in chapter 5.

The Misaki Stairs is the first point of the story in which Yashiro is truly in danger, subject to the extreme power and control Mysteries hold over their domain. At that moment, Hanako was powerless and there was a decent chance he couldn’t reach Yashiro in time. He did--thankfully--but the whole experience noticeably rattled him. To the point where he does this:

Decidedly more suggestive than his previous actions and containing a protection spell both contribute to the idea that Yashiro’s close calls at the Misaki Stairs were what spurred him to do this.

Blah, blah, blah. I think we all remember what happens after this, Hanako digging his own grave after going a step too far.

He doesn’t realize this mistake right after the kiss though, with his comment about the confession tree keeping up his trend of flirty behaviour.

It is only at the following moment in Chapter 8 does the realization strike him and the true transformation begins.

Yashiro is upset because of him (dejavu) Because she was expecting, was wanting, an actual confession.

Hanako is noticeably caught off guard for most of this scene, gaping in shock and stammering out a seemingly half-baked excuse for the kiss on the cheek.

Yashiro wanted a confession. Yashiro might return any romantic feelings he has (something previously thought impossible). Yashiro is crying. And it’s all his fault.

So, what does he do?

For the first time in the series, Hanako takes off his mask, allowing himself to be vulnerable and fully honest with her. He opens himself up, and the chance Yashiro could like him back props that the door slightly open. Though his ever increasing feelings for her become enough to push the door even wider open.

We can confirm his behaviour changed after this event since this pretty much marks the decline of the constant flirting from Hanako’s side. It still holds on for a bit into the 4 PM Bookstacks, but it’s rough once per chapter frequency beforehand has certainly diminished. Plus, after this point marks the casual contact that’s trademark to the ship.

Adding that the Hananene Whirlpool does not start until after the 4 PM Bookstacks--the first boundary visited after the Confession Tree chapter--and it requires Hanako to open up and not maintain a joking front, I think we have our winner.

This concludes the end of the first half of this post. Please wait patiently for pt 2 (it’sprobablyoutatthispointbutstill)

#jibaku shounen hanako kun #jshk #jshk spoilers #hanako kun #yashiro nene #hananene #analysis #theory #manga cap #original

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kendrixtermina · 5 years

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The Team Dynamics of the Three Houses

Essay time! =D

Part One: Team Makeup and Thematic Framework Blue Lions

Overarching Theme: Classic basic fantasy archetypes but with a dark twist (We have Prince Charming/ Guilt-ridden softboy standard-issue JRPG protagonist, Handsome Lech/Idiot Friend, Standoffish Rival, Gentleman Thief, Lady Knight, Sweet nice healer, Adorable spellcaster Girl, the Gentle Giant etc. )

Composition: Has the most people with crests, and the one guy with a naturally occurring major crest. Foreshadows how the crest obsession is particularly bad here, due to Faerghus�� harsh environment and a society that’s both religious and has a serious element of hero worship

History: Notably the most tight-knit group. Everyone knows each other already. It’s basically Dimitri, Dimitri’s longtime best friends, the daughter of Dimitri’s former instructor who heard lots of stories about him and her super nice BFF who gets along with everyone... and Ashe, who didn’t know the others until the academy, but since he is a honest sweety who loves cooking and knight stories, he hits it off with the others right away.

Atmosphere: Everyone has kind of the same hobbies (cooking, handicrafts, weapons collecting, knight stuff) and a lot of history, some posters have remarked on missing the “family ambiente” in the other routes but since the bonds are stronger they’re also more charged, it’s also been said that it’s the group with the most inter-team drama, especially when you feature in their relatives - You have Dimitri’s whole character arc, all the family drama between the Fraldariuses and the Dominics, Ingrid’s hangups regarding poor Dedue etc.

As expected if you recruit any of them they’ll kinda have a hard time going after their old home, even the tsundere ones.

The Leader’s position: For all that Dimitri’s friends refuse to drop his honorifics they really are his friends. They’re just all kinda polite with the obvious exception of Felix, and he’s largely tsundere. Despite the afore mentioned drama we see plenty of Dimitri just hanging out with his friends and even coming to them for help, he’s really just one of the bunch .

Since Faerghus is in chaos everyone’s pinning a lot of hopes on Dimitri and it’s not like he’s completely unaware of that or doesn’t have the corresponding sense of duty, he’s always torn between that and his revenge plan which eventually just takes over. He pursues this entirely on his own, too, with not even Dedue knowing what he’s sneaking around the library for.

How this “flavors” part one: Gives it a very “personal” touch. Faerghus, it’s culture, recent past and current state of chaos are fleshed out a lot (we learn plenty about the Alliance and the Empire but Claude and Edelgard have greater scope plans) and since a lot of the part I missions concern the instabilities in the kingdom they affect the characters directly. Basically since they’re more “regular” fantasy protagonists we gotta hit em all with the Drama hammer to keep things fresh. And that’s how it continues - They follow Dimitri because of personal loyalty (both toward him specifically, and because it’s in their culture), and Dimitri just wants to protect (or avenge) the people he cares about.

How this Ties into The Themes: The Kingdom route eventually becomes very much a Power of Friendship story where they all stick it out with Dimitri in his time of need because he’s their friend and they want to be there for him and that makes a lot more sense if there was a big emphasis on friendship/ found family before that, and of course their friendship is what eventually helps him turn his life around.

How does Byleth fit into this: Dimitri, like Hubert and Leonie, can be filed into the box of those who aren’t immediately awed by their heroic charisma. He doesn’t really get people who aren’t as outwardly expressive as him (eg. Edelgard) But unlike, say, Leonie, Dimitri has no settings between crushkilldestroy and stilted politeness and seldom expresses or responds to overt hostility most of the time. On the one hand there’s a side to him that’s a bit judgemental and vindictive, but that extends to himself too so he’s very ashamed of his flaws and is afraid that he won’t be accepted, so he projects outward that same acceptance that he likes to receive.

So the end result is that he goes out of his way to befriend Byleth, he encourages everyone to speak with them in a familiar manner, insists that they join the victory celebrations etc. Then of course he gets to see that they’re actually quite supportive and so in time they become, as Dimitri puts it “the heart of the group”.

By the time they find out that Dimitri ever disliked them, that’s long past. He’s a very high-empathy, emotional person so once he likes you he really likes you and will regard your troubles like his own. Some ppl might say that maybe the bond feels more special since it took longer to “earn”. He’s practically ready to swear a blood oath with them once Jeralt dies. There’s an unappreciated Symmetry here like he goes through the trouble to ‘defrost’ them, and then they return the favor by supporting him through his difficult times when they perhaps get to see the ugliest side of him.

Further Dynamic Notes:

So you have a dynamic of working past/ understanding and accepting each other despite one’s flaws and differences. (whereas Claude and Edelgard are interested in Byleth right away, because they’re unusual, but in slightly different ways - Claude can kinda relate to the experience of sticking out itself but is still stumped by being unable to read them, whereas Edelgard sticks out in the same way so you’re actually on the same wavelenght to begin with)

“opposites attract” specifically in the way that they balance each other out. A cool steadfast leader type certainly has a grounding effect on Dimitri as a very reactive person, but he also pulls them into the ‘normal’ world a bit after they spend all this time just wandering the world like all places are the same to them. They basically put the magic destiny on the backburner to help him out. They still become archbishop and all to fit the standard fantasy look of it all but not like full messiah like on the church route

Even after the timeskip Byleth kinda plays the mentor role or at least that of the dominant person/ big spoon in the relationship (though Dimitri ends up waaay taler than them especially fem Byleth), “Excuse me this is my emotional support mercenary”

If you go the platonic route you very much stay at „mentor“, Byleth is basically the brains of the operation post timeskip ‘cause the old Mitya can‘t come to the phone right now and Gilbert and Rodrigue would follow him off a cliff

Plot wise, their contribution is to stop the revenge trip when it gets to be a too obvious kamikaze stunt, which they, as a relative outsider to Faerghus and experienced, pragmatic fighter, would do when someone like Gilbert would not

Character journey wise, they refuse to give up on Dimitri and still see the good in him so that he eventually comes to a point where he could envision his own redemption/ come to accept/forgive himself and learn that its okay to move on and live his own life

Byleth can be said to somewhat even out the flaws in everyone‘s leadership styles (while the house leaders help Byleth find their own direction – i didnt come up with this alone there was a brilliant post a while ago that i cant find rn) – In Dimitri‘s case, he has authority/credibility/integrity („Pathos“), being the rightful king with many loyal followers, and emotional/ personal leadership as an emphatetic person who inspired respect for his character („Ethos“) but is lacking in plans („Logos“)

Golden Deer

Overarching Theme: Ragtag Bunch of misfits /Unlikely Heroes (let’s see, we have trickster turned lying politician, upper-class twit turned opportunistic conservative, lazy rich girl, shy glasses boy and his best friend dumb muscle, cursed werewolf girl, stuckup teen genius and the mean money obsessed one )

Composition: Has the most honest-to-goodness commoners - and they largely got in on their own merits, too, while almost all the others had connections. You have a few peeps from the Alliance’s prominent merchant class and one completely ordinary village person whose father was a simple hunter.

History: Bar the two merchant kids none of them know each other and even they’ve been a little estranged since the demise of Rafael’s parents. There are a few backstory connections (Such as Lorenz’ dad basically having murdered everybody’s dead relatives, or Leonie’s village being in his territory) but they’re largely indirect. They come from a range of different backgrounds and life experiences. Even Claude just showed up the year before and doesn’t know anybody. Of course this is all so you can watch them grow into a team on-screen all leading up to Claude’s epic speech about how they got along despite being from different backgrounds (or be surprised if they show up as one post-timeskip)

Unlike Dedue or Hubert, Hilda can still be napped early on because she doesn’t really become Claude’s right-hand person until halfway through part oneIf you recruit any of the deer they’ll say that they didn’t have that much ties to their homeland anyways.

Atmosphere: These are definitely Garreg Magh’s party animals. Or like a bunch of theatre kids. They’re tremendous fun. “Less complicated” as Claude puts it though some have missed the intensity/drama of the other bunches. The Alliance itself might be full of political intrigues but this younger generation is fairly chill with the important exceptions that are Leonie and Lysithea but Leonie’s lack of chill is largely Byleth-specific, she’s plenty chill in her other supports, and though Lysithea probably donated all the extra chill for the other deer and hence doesn’t have any left, the others love her anyways wether she wants to or not because try as she might she can’t really get an argument out of them.

This certainly jives well with Claude’s “friendly surface level extrovert” gimmick they all get along on a surface level and you’ll be hard-pressed to find an ounce of social skills in the Black Eagle house, and the Lions have the Drama Moments, but some have also perceived the deer as not quite as open.

At the same time they’re not superficial. We have a large abundance of Artsy Ones, we have Ignatz, Claude and Lorenz both write poetry, Leonie isn’t good at it but she does draw etc There’s enough insightful ones for depht and insight to be a significant undercurrent in the group dynamics. They all have different sortts of insight - Hilda can read people well, Ignatz has this sort of intuuitive thoughtful understanding, Lysithea is observant and logically astute, Leonie has street smarts etc.

The Leader’s position: Precarious. No one knows him, no one trusts him. He just showed up one day, very suspicious timing, not long after his uncle dropped dead (that was Lorenz’ dad but it’s not like anyone knows) and then he’s a shifty weirdo who cannot help being slightly unnerving despite his friendly extroverted demeanor.

Still he’s a big believer in teamwork, appreciates the value in everyone’s perspective and he can do the friendly extroverted charm well enough to eventually win over most people based on that, though its not until waay after the timeskip that he even considers letting anyone past the soft outer layer. (In Recruited, Raphael remembers him mainly a lover of feats and merriment)

The longer the story goes on the more the Deer transition to being “Claude’s jolly detective bureau” in which he pulls on all their individual insight for maximum info collection.

How this “flavors” part one: It’s taken up largely by Claude’s search for information with the various events being seen in that light.

Claude’s first reaction is often to ask questions and be curious with the emotional response hitting him somewhat later, though it’s definitely also that he keeps up a cheerful face for the team.

Ironically he’s the only one who came to Garreg Magh for it’s intended purpose: To get a ruler’s education and do networking. Dimitri and Edelgard were already onto Thales courtesy of his having killed their families, him searching on his own, her making preparations for her takeover, and Claude doesn’t know - it’s probably a game balance thing because Claude is the smartest person in the game and if he started out with all the info there would be no plot.

How this Ties into The Themes: It all builds towards Claude’s big speech about people from different backgrounds coming together. It’s like a microcosm for what he wants to do with the world, to bring people from different places and backgrounds together and have them understand each other.

Lorenz takes until halfway through part II to come around, but come around he does. (markedly, this happens only on Claude’s route, otherwise he sticks with the empire out of self-preservation and opportunism, though he gladly jumps ship to join the kingdom. )

How does Byleth fit into this: Now I‘ve seen some people saying that Claude initially didn‘t like Byleth or just wanted to use them, but I don‘t think that‘s true. I do think he actually liked them, found them interesting and wanted to befriend them. But Claude, on principle, doesn‘t trust easily, and will in any interaction look at how he can use it.

It‘s a habit born out of both natural curiosity and intelligence (What the 12type eneagramm calls a „Mercury“ Personality type) and the need to survive in a hostile environment where people tried to kill him as a child, and as such it‘s automatic second nature. He has a strong overruling self-preservation instinct. Claude is suspicious and will interogate people completely independent of how much he likes them. No amount of like makes him trust implicitly.

He doesn‘t have a bad impression like Dimitri, but he doesn‘t immediately click like Edelgard and the curve is pretty nonlinear: With Dimitri we have a clear progression from dislike to like and then the reversal where Dimitri had defrosted Byleth and now Byleth must defrost Dimitri. With Edelgard she likes them immediately out of similarity (like Felix likes Byleth, or like Edelgard likes Lysithea and Petra), and the difficulty/drama only comes later when Byleth‘s connection to the church and Edelgard‘s plots become apparent, but mostly she‘s sad that she‘s „destined“ to be enemies with this person she likes, her level of like never goes down. Claude meanwhile – you might compare him with Dorothea. He‘s used to being able to charm people as well as read them, and Byleth is not only a brick wall, but remains one upon closer examination. They really don‘t know about their past – but Claude takes that as evasions and becomes more and more suspicious.

A big turning point here is the Jeralt situation, where Byleth finally opens up and tells him everything, and Claude realizes they‘re not hiding. And that‘s something I really love about their dynamic – Byleth tells him all and Claude is so interested in them and looks out for them.

Though you could assign each of the three a „turning point“ after which they open up - The diary for Claude (which shows him that Byleth really isn‘t hiding anything) Flayn‘s dissapearance for Dimitri (which convinces him that Byleth cares) and the holy tomb scene for Edelgard (which shows her that Byleth won‘t betray her)

Further Dynamic Notes:

Claude and Byleth relate because they both stick out, but it‘s notably about the experience of sticking out in and of itself, whereas in Edelgard‘s case they stick out in the same way. They’re also alike in that they only found out some secrets about themselves when they were already young adults, Byleth’s magical destiny, and Claude finding out he was related to the ruling house. From how he mentions “not being raised in the lap of luxury” and how his royal connections in Almyra are also “distant”, he might in fact have been raised in a normal village and not known he was the king’s bastard son for some time, though once the secret was out he definitely got some princely instruction like training with Nader.

The dynamic both interpersonally and as an action duo is very much a complementary one. Dimitri is very different and has that sorta morality chain dynamic going on. And though they each have their specialties that the other is lowkey jelly of Edelgard and Byleth actually fill a fairly similar niche as the charismatic superhumanly powerful field commander. Meanwhile with Claude there’s a division of labor: Claude’s the planner and Byleth’s the enforcer. He repeatedly observes that his plans would be way less effective without someone of Byleth’s caliber to carry them out.

Out of the three lords Claude is the only one where you get the sense that Byleth works for Claude post-timeskip or that Byleth becomes his subordinate. Dimitri’s lost without them, and while Edelgard offers them a formal position as royal advisor after the mock battle and gets this line about how they can’t yell orders at her in public now that she’s the emperor, but it’s phrased in such a way to suggest that she just wants them to yell orders at her discreetly. They certainly balance out Claude’s presentability/trustworthyness problem the way that Hubert quickly puts them in charge of morale to patch Edelgard’s PR shortcomings, but Hubert pretty much says this to Byleth’s face whereas Claude is the only one who knows where the ship is going for the majority of verdant wind. And in the end he’s like “Babysit fodlan for me while I finish world peace” He’s also the dominant one on an interpersonal level, he gives Byleth this speech about how they should use their position more confidently and promise to detective out their mysterious past for them. He also tries dropping hints that maybe Rhea’s not to be trusted though Byleth’s dialogue options are written to suggest that they bought her maternal act and want her back – some ppl said but this way really expositions that „well meaning deception“ aspect of Claude‘s character. He frequently steers ppl toward something they don‘t want but with the hope that they‘ll want it eventually. Perhaps he could be said to have a very fluid/dynamic view of things and people; The other two lords view them more as fixed, hence „I respectfully disagree… lets settle this by stabbing each other“

The platonic end result is your basic Epic Friendship, tell each other everything, very supportive, look out for each other, take down a zombie warrior together in an epic team attack, what more could you want I think I‘ve made a whole post about what a good friendo Claude is, initial ulterior motives nonwithstanding… He certainly had strategic advantages in the back of his mind but I don‘t think he ever faked liking Byleth

Plot wise, having The Messiah on his team gives Claude a bargaining chip to seize control of the church with its greater influence. On the other routes, he wisely refuses to touch that particular hot potato with a ten foot pole.

Character wise Byleth‘s influence largely serves to mitigate his jaded cynism. He starts to actually believe his far-flung dreams might happen, so he plays far less defensively than on the other routes.

Claude is smart and charismatic („Logos“ and „Ethos“), his main problem is that nobody trusts him. This is a bit more dimensional than just a flaw though, because he hides his real goals (though they are not truly sinister) both to avoid fights with people who would oppose these goals (contrast Edelgard who declares her intentions openly and deals with the fallout, so she has to fight the knights whereas claude manipulates them) and get the chance to gradually convince them and reveal the truth once ppl agree, also he‘s more a tactician than a strategist and often changes his plans in accordance with what he thinks is doable under the circumstances, and not telling what his plans are gives him the freedom to do that – either way, a downside of that is that no one trusts him. He lacks credibility and, having shown up out of nowhere, has less loyalty and support. Byleth, as a chrch-sanctioned charismatic figurehead, naturally mitigates that.

Black Eagles

Overarching Theme: Subverted Villain tropes. We have Emperor Evulz / mad science supersoldier, Black Mage classic, Seditious Chancellor Junior, Sexy Mage, Eccentric Scholar, Pretty Barbarian, Fighting Obsessed Blood Knight and Antisocial Sniper

Composition: It‘s nobles all the way down, even the one commoner used to be famous and is from the capital where all the wealthy ppl live (as opposed to the decentralied alliance and the very spartan kingdom nobles) – The capital‘s a heaven for culture and sophistication but you also see the evident elitism/corruption/inequality problem going on. In keeping with Adrestia being more secular, Ferdinand‘s the only one who‘s explicitly stated to be a believer (in the Marianne support) and he‘s not even super devout

One should also appreciate the irony that the side with the ‚saintly‘ crests is now against the church whereas Faerghus, ruled by the descendants of Nemesis‘ former allies and where he used to have his stronghold are now fighting for the church. But should you go with the church route it also makes a kind of sense as they‘d be goig back to the empire‘s distant origins in a sense.

History: They all vaguely know/ have heard of each other due to their parents being co-workers or living in the same town, many have at least met each other but at the same time they‘re not BFF like the Lions and many take a bit to warm up to each other.

Another thing of note is that while many of the Lions‘ families were also friends and have been associates since the days of Nemesis, many of the backstory connections for the adrestian studenrs would seem to predispose them to being foes rather than friends, half their dads‘ essentially dethroned Edelgard‘s and are various degrees of complicit in what happened to her siblings, Petra was basically taken hostage by the previous administration, Dorothea has good reason to have beef with the local rich people etc

Atmosphere: I‘ve seen some ppl who played the other routes first say things like how they were struck by how individualistic they are and how there‘s far less team cohesion, or how they „all seem to hate each other“ - I don‘t think that‘s correct assesment but they definitely are quirky, independent-minded or both. They scamper off in all directions when introduced and definitely don‘t bother with formal politeness or friendly facades, if they‘re annoyed with you most of them will probably say so. Even Bernie gives Ferdinand a lecture once XD They‘re basically goth. Though I do think it‘s sorely underappreciated that there definitely IS friendship and admiration between them esp. later in the story, admiration & appreciation being key factors especially since they‘re none too easily impressed.

Of course being independent minded makes it likely that they wouldn‘t blindly follow a leader who‘s up to no good, but it would make them just as suitable to participate in a rebellion

Another thing of note is that while the Kingdom nobles all learned to hold sharp objects in the nusery and many of the deer have street smarts or survival experience having had to live through tough circumstances most of the Eagles are complete greenhorns when you first deploy them – sure many have seen their share of effed up stuff but not in a warlike setting. And you have many of the sensitive/reluctant ones like Bernie, Linny and Dorothea. This of course could either make you think twice about the church sending them on missions or predispose you toward Flayns brand of pacifism.

Of course this just leads to Hubert and Edelgard (and to a lesser extent Petra) to clearly stand out as the experienced ones. El-chan and Hubie dear have most definitely killed a man before. The rest of them will definitely have to measure up to pick up the slack after the two of them leave.

The trajectory certainly goes differently, in CF they all return notably more confident after the timeskip (most notably with Bernie) perhaps in keeping with how Edelgard believes in & promotes self-reliance whereas in Silver Snow they never quite stop being like „AAAAA“ though I suppose the point is that they get their act together and do the deed regardless.

The Leader’s position: Absolute both in terms of power (sorry Ferdie) and dynamics. Definite ‚student council president‘ vibe, she largely interacts with them as a taskmaster/ to make them do their homework. She markedly doesn‘t like this and would like to be one of the bunch but genuinely finds it hard to step out of boss mode.

She does try her best to cultivate an equal atmosphere and for what it‘s worth most do drop the honorifics and tell her when they disagree.

How this “flavors” part one: The emphasis is certainly on expositioning how much everything in the setting sucks especially on the church‘s horribleness, I mean in the end if she‘s essentially like „We‘ve all seen it this past year“ but of course there‘s also definite foreshadowing that sHE is up to something, there‘s certainly peeps who picked her ‚cause she‘s pretty and she looked more put-together/less obviously dodgy than the others but then didn‘t personal taste wise jive with her character. The whole scene after Jeralt‘s death is definitely a point where you either decide you hate her or love her forever; You get both „WTF“ and „I get it“ type of dialogue options.

How this Ties into The Themes:

No matter what route yo pick you essentially get a story about going your own way and putting right what the previous generations done fucked up – wether they do this by leading Adrestia back to its holy origins, or by backing Edelgard‘s revolution.

On a political level they either go against their homeland or the previous administration, and personally they‘re all sorta expected to take over their parents‘s job and follow these expectations of proper nobility that they have no interest in and many of them renounce their titles or cut ties with their folks. Only Ferdinand particularly wants his fathers job and even them he means to do it very differently. The happy ending, for most of the eagles, is getting to choose their own paths

How does Byleth fit into this:

Mostly, they shift the team dynamics from Edelgard as the absolute leader in a lofty, distanced position to her coming closer to being „one of the group“ working under Byleth.

There‘s a reason she later names her elite troop the „Black Eagle Strike force“ in honor of their time at the academy. This is almost the bigger difference, because Byleth isn‘t there for the timeskip. The big change is caused by creating this situation where all the black eagles leave with Edelgard, so she knows she can trust them and having real allies needs the slithers less.

It‘s very hard for her to step out of boss mode for reasons ranging from her personality, backstory, monarch obligations and fear of vulnerability, but having Byleth be the boss for once helps. Some of her most formative experiences were a) Her family betrayed by almost all its allies including her own uncle b) being helplessly dragged around as a hostage. She wants to avoid being helpless ever again at all costs and thus grew to be a very proactive decisive adult which is mostly a good thing but can cause her tome come off blunt and unyielding at times. I mean when she‘s worried that Hubert, her best friend, is hiding some worrysome secret from her she‘s like „Tell me that‘s an order!“ and when he expertly sidesteps that (since he knows her well and understands that she wouldn‘t actually force it out of him) she‘s stumped and doesn‘t know how to tell him that she‘s worried about him – and this is a guy she knows since forever. With the other eagles she really looks out for them but can only really show it through her „leader“ persona, she has this one trick, and when it doesn‘t work (like with Caspar or Linhardt who don‘t really want anyone to boss them around or talk politics) she‘s stumped.

This is hugely mitigated when another person of her caliber shows up with whom she can share the responsibility or even leave it to them so she learns to allow herself to be soft and do stuff like admit her doubts, this starts with Byleth but also radiates into the other relationships. See Caspar and Linhard revising their bad first impressions of her later in the support chains

Further dynamics notes:

A recurring theme is being misunderstood (outright stated in the introduction and that one quote by ladislava – and also in the church route dialogues where Seteth says that „the people will never understand her ideals“ ) and finding someone who understands, which is different from Claude and Dimitri who ultimately want the world at large to understand and accept them. Edelgard has given up on that long ago - her version of the „pep talk“ scene implies she thinks its impossible to truly understand anothers sorrow – I like to think that after her siblings died she found great comfort in Hubert being „not much for condolences“ and talking plans rather than sympathies while everyone else was showing pity for something they couldnt understand. Dimitri is basically traumatized (he relates to Dedue about losing everything and thats why they‘re so tight knit), Claude is basically an outcast and relates to all that dont quite fit in, but Edelgard… yes her family‘s dead much like Dimitri‘s, but in addition to that, she has been through an indescribable science fiction fantasy thing that no one has any context for. She views herself as so altered that she considers herself a whole different person and her past self basically dead. Hence someone like Byleth or Lysithea who could relate to all that is very, very tempting to her – we‘re not told if that‘s the truth or just her perception though, Hubert doesn‘t note her being extremly different, and later on she kinda admids that she herself distanced herself from other people.

Likewise the ship dynamic is ‚birds of a feather‘. Edelgard tells you right away: She feels that she and Byleth are similar and is drawn to them because of that. It‘s not just the mad science background, both are stoic natural leaders with a bit of a dorky side. This goes both ways – While others are often mildly stumped by Byleth, she can read them pretty well and gets a lot of dialoue like „wow you‘re telling the truth“ or „I can tell you‘re lying“ - that happens so often that it‘s even used to hint that she‘s the flame emperor.

If you had to name a dominant person it would probably be Byleth but overall this combination is disntinguished by being relatively equal and balanced. She likes having Byleth‘s support but repeatedly mentions wanting to support Byleth as well - As she says after the big mock battle, „sometimes its better to have someone to rely on to support each other through the darkness“. Team dynamics wise they feel a similar niche – the abnormally powerful, stoic charismatic leader who inspires many followers and is a gifted field commander. When they‘re not allies they are foils after all. But as pointed out in their A support despite their similarities each of them have their own particular strenghts that the other envies – Byleth is a better tactician and ultimately better at moral support (though their time powers help). On the flipside, Edelgard is more proactive whereas Byleth struggles with that, and at least her 22 year old self probably has more raw strenght (judging by her stats total and how they‘re evenly matched in the church route reunion cinematic though she isn‘t using her preferred weapon)

If you don‘t marry her then the note the A support ends on would suggest that Byleth sorta gets adopted as a honorary big sister/brother with how El asks them to use her childhood nickname and just lampshading the sense of kinship between them – the platonic outcome is a family bond, which buils as much on similarity and alikeness as their romantic outcome

Plot wise, Byleth‘s presence gives Edelgard something that she wouldn‘t otherwise have: Reliable allies. This means not just Byleth themselves, but the other Black Eagles whom she feels are more firmly on her side as they never defended Garreg Mach from her assault. As she puts it when she tries to recruit you as the „Flame Emperor“, the slighterers will go around causinga strocities but with the sword of the creator on her side she could courttail that better and generally has less need to coorperate even for purely pragmatic reasons so she is free to weaken them ahead of time, kills Cornelia right away rather than work with her etc. Interestingly this is why the front lines are actually further back when Byleth returns than they are in the other routes, but then the war ends the quickest.

Character journey wise, Edelgard goes from being convinced that she has to give up everything to be a tough leader to allowing herself to just be a person, cummulating in the ending where she pulls a washington/cincinatus, abdicates and gets a normal life.

In terms of leadership style, Edelgard has „Logos“ and „Pathos“ to spare, she‘s described as a remarkable leader who inspires remarkable devotion and has a cause/ rationale – but she‘s got her weakness with inspiring loyalty on an interpersonal level. The followers are loyal to the cause – Edelgard herself is perceived as unapproachable and shady/unsavory, see Dimitri‘s rant about how she‘s „strong“, or statements by herself and Ladislava that people tend to misunderstand her. As a superhuman science experiment she is by definition not a „relatable“ leader. So once Byleth proves trustworthy Hubert immediately puts them in charge of morale and of support/pep talking the reluctant recruits.

(In part II we‘ll get into decision making processes but I think here we have to separate by route rather than house since it’s most evident post-timeskip and dependent on plot events.)

Team Dynamics and Decisionmaking

Empire Route

Here, there is a very clear distinction between inner circle and outer circle. Edelgard and Hubert have their own thing going on and once you prove loyal, you’re in, and you get to see a whole different side to both of them, Edelgard lets down her guard, Hubert acts polite and sympathetic where he was previously suspicious and mocking, and they basically tell Byleth everything, including the unsavory pursuits that they keep secret from everyone else – but overall the secrecy, maintained for realpolitik reasons, never truly stops. Basically those three make all the decisions.

Notable is that if you’ve recruited Lysithea she hovers on the threshold between inner and outer circle. She was fed the cover story of the nuke being a church weapon (though she did’t buy it) but WAS told about the secret assault on Arianrhod. This is prolly cause Edelgard likes her, she can become her main advisor in their paired ending.

Kingdom Route

Dimitri describes himself as as someone who thinks change should come from the people and that the leadership should serve them, for all that he prefers to uphold the basic order of society, and this is reflected in his leadership style – though this also reflects that he is a ‚people person‘ rather than a planner, so the plans are left to his advisors like Byleth, Gilbert and Rodrigue. He is more the emotional/ spiritual lynchpin than the mind or will of the group.

In Azure Moon, especially later on, the decisions are really made by the entire group and you see them considering their next step together. Dimitri spills the backstory as soon as it comes up, telling everyone about his relationship with Edelgard for example.

In early part 2 this is at an extreme in that Byleth, Rodrigue and Gilbert are de facto making the decisions and Dimitri is at best a grumpy figurehead that they‘re putting up because they need him as a symbol, but at the same time he doesn‘t really compromise on his revenge obsession and is just dragging the whole team along/ not really reacting to how they are making him the lynchpin for their hopes. (though it is important to note that he didn‘t ask him too either – they decide to follow him out of friendship or loyalty to his house) yet inwardly Dimitri too is blindly following what he believes are his obligations.

A huge turning point is when he returns after the whole rain conversation and Byleth gets to ask him some variety of „What do you want to do“ in which Dimitri makes a step toward both inner and outer self-directedness, but precisely because of that becomes are more complete/better consensus leader.

I also want to stress that Claude and Edelgard LOVE togetherness and cooperation and equality as concepts every bit as much as Dimitri does they want to be one of the team but they find it difficult. And of course Dimitri’s style has its own flaws too

Alliance Route

While the Blue Lions decide everything together and either variation of the Black Eagles setup has an „inner circle“ that makes the decisions, in the Golden Dear that inner circle is basically just Claude.

Even Byleth doesn‘t find out his plans until part two, and it‘s later still till he comes clear with the team (and still doesn‘t reveal all but points to Cyril as a stand-in) Hilda and Lysithea are discernable as preferred right hand people, and Byleth and Marianne as special confidants, but in the end Claude rarely shows his real self and only he knows the plan. If Hilda and Lysithea pick up alot about him and his true self it‘s because of how observant THEY are and how much Hilda is basically a lot like him.

Claude does all the thinking and motivates followers (from Lorenz to the random merchans who support him) by promising them things they want – because even if he can‘t trust peopöle, he can trust their self-interest.

Church Route

Since you are with the church that is ideally a sort of benevolent parental authority under the supposition that people need guidance and that‘s a good thing it is perhaps fitting that though Byleth winds up the nominal leader, this is actually the route where they are more of a follower. They do watch Seteth says, who is doing what he believes is his duty and mission, and we have Flayn as an innocent, pacifistic voice.

They lost their dad, and the Nabateans are a sort of surrogate family. (wether its one that youre born into or marry into, the wiord „family“ is stressed) – they are the „inner circle“ making the decision and the empire kids, ragtag misfits estranged from their homes, follow. On the one hand they‘re going against their home country on the other they have the saint‘s blood and Adrestia USED to be church aligned so it also makes a kind of sense.

Among the Adrestian kids themselves, Ferdinand and Petra get a chance to shine as the ostensible leaders. They are stalward, competent leader-like people in CF too , but there they are more overshadowed by the much more experienced Hubert and Edelgard. - Though when you think about it they are like „pure hero“ versions of them who were never forced to become as cold and pragmatic. Ferdinand, like Hubert, is a nobleman from a storied family who is proud of it but wants to fix its tarnished reputation from his corrupt father. Petra, like Edelgard, is a former political hostage who experienced hardship at a young age and worked her way up all on her own, being very serious and competent despite her young age. I prefer the version where they stay buds rly.

It‘s worth noting that Seteth, ‚Heir of Purpose‘, sees it as their families duty to protect Fodlan and is the only one really doing that – his brothers noped out, and Rhea, uneknowst to him, twisted „protect“ into „rule/subjugate“. One might question who gives him the right to decide things because his mom is magic but on the other hand he really is 100% benevolent and I see no sign that he has any greedy intentions especially in in Silver Snow, all the countries collapse and someone needs to keep order, he doesn‘t understand what the empire‘s doing and why just sees their agression and really is rising to the challenge of upholding peace because something needs to do something about the violence. He had withdrawn to protect his daughter but then in the end he‘s the last one who is really doing what Sothis would have wanted. He looks most like her too having the slightly darker, ‚spikier‘ hair.

Further Thoughts

I’m curious to see how Yuri, the Ashen Wolves, and Cindered Shadows compare/contrast to this and i theyll manage to make the dynamics sufficiently different so that its neither a carbon copy or a blabk mary sue ish superlative.

I mean the other routes are so interesting to dissect because its a tradeof and all have their own flavor so really CS would do better to try to be “different” or, better yet, “complementary” than “better” or “cooler”

#three houses #fire emblem: three houses #fire emblem three houses #fe3h #black eagles #blue lions #golden deer #three houses meta

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morlock-holmes · 5 years

Text

This anonymous article from the Washingtonian, (Which is apparently... a magazine? Of some sort?) “What Happened After My 13-Year-Old Son Joined the Alt-Right “ was being reblogged on my dash a few times and looking at some of the notes a lot of people were calling it propaganda without saying which side they thought it was propaganda for.

I think a LOT of people were so swayed by the “One Concerned Mom Speaks Out!” tone of the thing that they kind of missed the actual narrative.

I mean... If anything it’s kind of propaganda in favor of the alt-right, isn’t it?

Here’s how the author of the piece sums up the inciting incident in the story:

One morning during first period, a male friend of Sam’s [The author’s son] mentioned a meme whose suggestive name was an inside joke between the two of them. Sam laughed. A girl at the table overheard their private conversation, misconstrued it as a sexual reference, and reported it as sexual harassment. Sam’s guidance counselor pulled him out of his next class and accused him of “breaking the law.” Before long, he was in the office of a male administrator who informed him that the exchange was “illegal,” hinted that the police were coming, and delivered him into the custody of the school’s resource officer. At the administrator’s instruction, that man ushered Sam into an empty room, handed him a blank sheet of paper, and instructed him to write a “statement of guilt.”

No one called me as this unfolded, even though Sam cried for about six hours straight as staff members parked him in vacant offices to keep him away from other students. When he stepped off the bus that afternoon and I asked why his eyes were so swollen, he informed me that he would probably be suspended, but possibly also expelled and arrested.

Later there’s more, but basically the school authorities double down, Sam’s parents decided that if the authorities were that cruel and insane Sam needed to be in another school, and so they transferred him. Sam then starts getting into 4chan and reddit alt-right communities, who explain that what happened to him happened because of feminism gone crazy.

So, as a slight aside I have always thought since I was in high school myself that this kind of zero-tolerance, authoritarian crap is particularly cruel to inflict on growing children. A boy Sam’s age is trying to differentiate himself, see himself as an individual, and the authorities come in and go, “It doesn’t matter what you think, it doesn’t matter why you did what you did, we will never care about that, we see you as a type and there is nothing you can do to convince us otherwise.”

This message would be incredibly dispiriting to anybody, but particularly to children.

Contrast, meanwhile, his experience on Reddit:

Soon Sam stopped trying to convince me to join his brave new world. He was so active on his favorite subreddit that the other group leaders, unaware that he was 13, appointed him a moderator. Among his new online besties, this was a huge honor and a boost to his cratered self-esteem. He loved Reddit and its unceasing conversations about the nuances of memes—he seemed in love with the whole enterprise, as if it were an adolescent crush.

...

Eventually, Sam had to give up moderating for the most practical of reasons: Eighth grade ended and he was packing for sleep-away camp. He would be offline for a month and would need other mods to cover for him. To ask for help, he had to out himself as a kid.

Sam and I both laughed about the absurdity of the situation, though he admitted he was nervous he’d be exiled from moderating. I asked him to read me the responses to his message. They were all of the “Dude, you’ve got to be kidding me” variety—one of their most sophisticated and reliable colleagues was a middle-schooler heading off to Jewish summer camp!

Later, it was my turn to be surprised: They all contributed to a going-away gift for Sam and mailed an emoji-themed fidget-spinner to his bunk address.

Faced with new information that Sam has broken the rules, his school imediately brands him a predator, threatens to arrest and expel him, and responds with undisguised hate.

Faced with new information about who Sam is, his alt-right buddies are shocked, but then reiterate that they still care about him and value the contributions he has made to their community, and get together to express that to Sam.

I’d like to make a little list of what Sam gets from the alt-right in the narrative:

A group of people who have shown that they will support and value him, even if they find out new things about him.

People who listen and care about what he has to say

An explanation of what, exactly, happened to him and why.

Ideas about how he can protect himself and others from having that happen again in the future.

Allies and support for enacting those ideas.

His parents, by his Mother’s own admission in the article, were only able to provide fumbling efforts to provide protection from that particular school’s administration. His parents and their politics were totally ready to say that taking all that stuff about cucks seriously was pretty weird and dumb, his mother is totally ready to counter any statistics his alt-right buddies might have, but is completely and utterly unequipped to provide any of the other stuff I listed up there. There’s a moment where Sam explains to her what he and his friends think happened:

Sam pledged fealty to the idea of men’s rights because, as he said, his former administrator had privileged girls’ words and experiences over boys’, and that’s how all of his troubles had started in the first place. I’d never in my life backed the “masculinist” cause or imagined that men needed protecting—yet I couldn’t help but agree with Sam’s analysis.

The mother’s politics didn’t actually equip her with an alternate explanation of what happened; rather, she has to concede that his explanation makes sense, and having conceded that has no idea what to do with herself.

In fact, as the article ends she is only vaguely starting to come to grips with the fact that Sam needed the kinds of support I listed above:

“All I wanted was for people to take me seriously,” [Sam] repeated matter-of-factly. “They treated me like a rational human being, and they never laughed at me. I saw the way you and Dad looked at each other and tried not to smile when I said something. I could hear you both in your room at night, laughing at me.”

I struggled for a moment because I wanted to tell him that wasn’t true. But I couldn’t deny his accusation. Behind closed doors, when my husband and I thought our children were asleep, we had often vented to each other about Sam’s off-the-wall proclamations and the bizarre situation we found ourselves in.

So I told Sam simply that I was sorry for making him feel bad.

I still think about his words a lot, especially when alt-right figures headline the news. But mostly, I wonder how I could have tried so hard to parent Sam through this crisis and yet tripped up on something as basic as not making my own kid feel small.

By the end of the article Sam is disenchanted with the Alt-right through, well, it’s not totally clear. The author of the article, by the end, seems to understand that Sam needed at least some of the things I outlined up there, but it’s not clear to me if she views the fact that her own politics were completely unable to provide them as an actual problem.

In fact, it’s not clear to me what she believes her politics are actually for. I know, I know, it’s not a philosophical article, but the question of “How much power do public school administrators have over their charges and what can parents do to counter them” is a nakedly, inarguably political question; after all, it’s about how a state-run institution should be run. And rather then turning to her own left-wing beliefs to contextualize and fight this decision, her solution is that her family has enough money to put Sam in another school.

Now, I’m not criticizing this decision, I think it was probably difficult, even brave. But it’s noticeable that her left-wing, non-culty politics don’t seem to have much to offer the next Sam, a Sam whose parents might not have private school tuition sitting around in their bank accounts.

In fact, she seems to regard the fact that Sam’s alt-right buddies were able to offer up compelling narratives and give him hope of implementing a solution and reasserting his self-worth as, well, cheating. Isn’t that cult-like behavior? Politics aren’t actually supposed to help the Sams of the world contextualize the things that happen in their lives, and when they do, it’s awfully sinister.

This seems to be part of something that has heavily infected the American left. It’s a kind of unspoken philosophy that says, “Politics is for solving major problems, the rest should be handled elsewhere.”

Even when a question overtly connected to Mom’s politics crops up in their life, her politics have literally nothing practical to offer any of them. Her left-wing politics are correct it doesn’t matter if they’re helpful.

This is what I keep trying to get at when I say people are missing the point with Jordan Peterson. Yeah, a lot of what he says sounds factually rickety to me as well, but, well, when I spend every day wondering why I can’t seem to get my life together, simultaneously dreading it AND feeling like there’s no point in trying to change, how does having a more correct view of lobster biology help me out with that?

I mean, I’m not saying it can’t, I’m saying people won’t even connect the two. Look at the reviews of 12 rules and people will usually grudgingly admit that his self-help advice might be useful, but really, it will tend to rile up exactly the wrong kind of person, and anyway, what does any of this have to do with politics?

This is what I keep trying to get at about effective altruism, as well. It’s not that it’s wrong, it’s that by its very nature it will never be about providing me, personally, with any help, because it’s focused on stopping rogue AIs and mailing out malaria nets, fine causes but notice that, while Rationalists see “How can I stop a super-intelligent AI from destroying us” as a solvable problem “How do I make the kind of friends who will spontaneously check on me if I sound like I’m sick?” is completely insolvable.

To the extent that my existing faculties haven’t already made it happen, unfortunately there are no clarifying frameworks or advice better than, “Well, it’s hard.”

Rationalists are better about this than generic leftists but I also feel like that’s a low bar. Answers to the question “What can I do to concretely improve my life, and, for that matter, why should I even bother, what’s the point?” are becoming ever more disconnected from left-wing thought, and most of the concrete attempts to answer these questions are coming from the right.

I actually don’t think this is good, incidentally.

#politics #rationalism

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sarah--goff · 5 years

Text

Their Dark Materials: Chapter Three; The Dreamer

Also avaliable on A03 under: Sarah_Goff works

For any suggestions/questions/ etc my email is [email protected]

Hope you enjoy!

Summary:

And voila, here our story begins!

Some things in the day aren't adding up. You're left home alone, without the comfort of Moore, to your own devices. You find the book again and begin to read intently. One should always be careful what they wish for ;)

-*-

The next few days flew past. You adjusted to life with the raven, between school and rehearsals, you always looked forward to coming home to it.

You opened your eyes lazily in the sunlight. That dream always left you feeling the same way, wanting. Wanting for it to be real so, so bad. You let the fragmented memories wash over you for a while. How many days had you had that exact dream now? And more importantly, why?

It always left you with a sense of a protecting presence. That was a nice feeling.

It was the dream, that irregular dream you couldn’t place. It had come to you again. It was beautiful, but some part of you felt so unnerved by it. You remembered more now than usual, but it was starting to slip away from you the more you thought about it.

Moore had vanished again, but you didn’t worry you knew it would be back. Looks like you’d have to buy more bird mix.

In class you couldn’t concentrate on the work in front of you, your mind kept wandering. Wandering to fragments…

You closed your eyes briefly and memories flashed in your mind

His hold on your waist, the way you were whirled, your laughter, something he whispered in your ear.

A mixture of the dream from last night and the raven swirled around your head.

The raven.

It was like something out of a fairy tale the way it had entered your little lonely world.

You kept pushing yourself to remember at the end of the day it was just a bird, a creature that deserved to be free.

It would be sad to see it go. You felt stupidly, that you’d almost made a connection. Like it seriously understood you sometimes, when prattled on about your day, when you ranted about Kari and Brian (mostly Kari) to the whispers of the first thing you would do when you left them to make your own way in the world in the middle of the night.

Your mind condescended itself. How childish could you be?

“Get a hold of yourself” you put your head in your hands before picking up your pen.

___

“Hello? Ground control to Sloane” Janice, or ‘Jan’ as everyone nicknamed her, waved a hand in front of your dazed face. She poked her tongue out at you, biting into her sandwich.

You were sitting outside today, on campus, at the picnic table by the library, finally it was hot and sunny again, so you decided to take advantage of your break.

You had your head propped up by your hand lazily.

“Sorry, I did it again, didn’t I?” You smiled sheepishly at your friend who grinned in return before taking a sip of her drink.

“you’re always day- dreaming, I wonder what about” you knew from her sing-song vice what she was getting at and you rolled your eyes.

Jan was lucky.

She had people around her constantly, she had boys around her constantly, not that you didn’t, you just sucked at conversation- she was good with people, you just weren’t. She’d tried and failed setting you up, she wanted you to join in for once and find someone. Ugh. You knew she was doing it from the good of her heart but sometimes you’d wished she’d just drop it. You weren’t made for people. That’s all.

She ran a hand through her freshly permed hair.

You shrug “I’m just tired, I haven’t been sleeping well” you felt a bit bad you hadn’t told Jan about the raven, she was your best-friend no matter what, but she would probably call you crazy. Anyone in their right mind would call you crazy.

“You’re always tired” Jan pointed out giving you a nudge.

True, you’d been using that excuse a lot lately, but it wasn’t a complete lie. You’d taken to talking to Moore well into the night, sometimes until 2 in the morning. Some nights you felt bluer than others you’d say the things you couldn’t say to anyone else.

“They’ve never welcomed me really” you said that night lying on your back playing with your hair. “It’s stupid I know,” you mulled over the thoughts “ I’m older now, it’s not like I need paternal attention…or guidance…but sometimes it would be nice to have a real mum again but all they do is push me away, sometimes I just feel…worthless. Like I mean nothing”

Sometimes it was nice to have someone to talk to about all sorts of meaningless rubbish, especially if they couldn’t answer back.

“So, did you write the notes for today?” you switched the subject taking a bite into your croissant.

Jan clapped her forehead stopping her chewing “oh shit, what notes”.

She ducked her head, looking at you for help under her dark lashes. Janice was just as useless with homework as you were.

“Guilt tripping me to share my homework that’s new” you chided and you both laughed.

“Life saver” Jan leant in for a quick hug.

You rolled your eyes and ducked your head under the table to find the essay in your bag.

“what would I do-” She cut off talking suddenly.

You noticed her pause and came up again, flicking your hair out of your face “what?”

There was a frightened look on Jan’s face. She was looking past your shoulder.

“There’s a man! A man staring at us!” she hissed, indicating directly behind you. You turned sharply, hair whipping behind you, following her finger.

There was no-one.

“What are you talking about?” You turned back to her with a smile and bobbed eyebrow “I don’t see anyone”.

“I swear there was a creepy guy stand like five meters away from us!” Jan’s eyes widened.

You pointed out that there were loads on guys on campus. It could have been anyone on their break.

“He looked too old to be a student” she shivered.

The warm air seemed to chill all of a sudden. There was a strong gust of wind that made you pull your jacket around you tighter.

You tried to relax her, Jan was known for being paranoid with things like this. “Well, a teacher then, what did he look like?”

“I don’t know, really tall, blond hair, dark clothes” you wrinkled your nose. You didn’t understand why she was so unnerved when he sounded so usual.

Jan jumped at the sound of a bird flapping its wings. You looked up to see the dark bird flutter out of a nearby tree and away.

You were about to say ‘that could be anybody Jan’ when she said something that made a shiver run down your spine:

“Sloane, he was staring right at you”

_*_

You played it off as a trick of the mind, she’d seen somebody passing by that happened to look over that was all.

She hadn’t eaten either which would explain her irrationality. Hunger could make you do funny things.

When break was over, she insisted you walk with her and other friends to class “just in case”. You’d never seen her so ruffled before. You didn’t bother dwelling on it for the rest of the day.

The walk home was lonely and miserable without being able to listen to music. It had started to spit again. Looks like you were in for a damp summer this year.

You felt a warm tingling sensation pass momentarily over you. Weird.

Across the street you noticed a two people, a man and a woman, you couldn’t see what they looked like properly but they were sprinting oddly down the street, holding hands. Huh. What was with everyone today.

When you got to the front door you groaned, remembering it was Brian and Kari’s anniversary tonight. Something you were exclusively excluded from. Again. But you were grateful for a whole evening of peace. Thankfully, they’d be gone all evening. You didn’t have any work to do so you could relax for once.

You turn the key in the door. You’d barely made it in five paces when Brian entered the living room struggling with his tie “you’re late!”.

Late? How could you be late? Surely, they weren’t going out already, at half past three?

You looked at him confused “I don’t-”

“Just tell your aunt you’re home” he grumbled patiently still struggling with the tie.

Kari was already dressed and looked as if she was ready to leave. She was pacing the kitchen up and down when you entered- still puzzled.

“Kari I-”

“There you are!” she sighed heavily seeing you walk in, clearly irritated “where have you been- we’ve been waiting on you for hours!”

Hours? What?

“But I just left college half an hour ago!” you argued. What was with them tonight?

“Don’t lie to me, Sloane, you’ve clearly been with your friends on the one night we specifically ask you to be home on time!”

“I’m always home on time” you threw up your hands. What the fuck?

How could you possibly be late? You noticed the grandfather clock in the hall chiming. You paced over to it to prove your point.

“Eight o’clock!” you cried in disbelief “it can’t be eight o’clock!”

Kari put her hands on her hips dismissively.

“You know very well what time it is, young lady, don’t play the fool with me- have you been drinking?”

You were dazed and confused. Where had five whole hours gone?

You felt your head, you had come over very faint.

“actually, I just- I don’t feel well” you breathed feeling as if the wind had been knocked out of you. You leant against the kitchen top for support.

“17 years old and wasted after school” Kari mumbled, fussing over her hair on the mirror above the wine rack. “And don’t think you can wriggle out of the chores tonight to nurse a hangover either! You;ll have to cook for yourself tonight, no take-aways”

You were barely listening “I won’t forget” you said meekly still trying to figure out the supposed time loss.

Nursing- whatever this was- was exactly what you felt like doing. Your head was swimming you wanted to drown out her high voice.

She half- heartedly listed the things that needed to be done, the food available in the fridge.

“-and I’ve asked Mrs. White next door to look out for you tonight so no funny business, parties-”

Seriously? Old Mrs. White, what were you 8?

“I’m not a child, Kari” you said through clenched teeth.

“Don’t use that tone with me madam” she raised her eyebrows . “You’ve pushed my buttons enough tonight” she picked up her handbag and frowned at you “maybe we need a talk when we get back, about growing up for one” .

Growing up? You couldn’t believe the nerve of her.

Brian looked itching to get away and eventually practically pulled Kari out the door, not after warning you away from using the tv or anything electrical. “I’ve counted it all” he said sternly. Brian didn’t trusted you either.

“Bye then” you said softly watching them leave through the window, laughing at something probably dull.

You observed the car pull away and down the street for the second time this week.

You were left to your own devices. Again.

You whipped the curtains together to stop that nosey cow from next door peering in.

With a huff, you sat on the loveseat with your feet tucked under you for a few minutes in the glow of the soft living room lamp. You wondered idly if all parents were like Kari and Brian.

Five hours? Sure, you stopped to tie your shoelace one or twice but five whole hours. You shook your head.

Even for a summer evening it was pitch black outside. You were certain it was bright even in the rain when you walked home. What the hell?

You ignored the list of chores Kari had set out for you to do, if she was going to treat you like a child, then a child you shall be, children didn’t do laundry “they watch TV and break rules” you said aloud finishing your own thoughts.

You decided to check on Moore first, who you’d completely forgotten about. Then TV. Maybe ice-cream if there was any. You didn’t fancy reheating a soup dish from previous nights.

On your way up the stairs you shook your head at the grandfather clock.

“Hi, I’m back” you peered into your room and watched where you put your foot in case you stepped on the bird. You turned the lamp on checking your room.

“Moore? You can come downstairs now if you like, only for a couple of hours though”

You peeked in the scarf nest “hellooo?”. Empty. Unsual.

The bird had probably left and hadn’t come back yet, it never normally stayed out at night for very long.

“Oh well, just me then” you said to nobody in particular. You weren’t in a talking mood anyway . TV didn’t feel that promising now.

You rested on your bed. Now that you had free time you didn’t know what to do with it.

You could do some sketching maybe. Where did you put your pencils last?

You hunted around your room for the usual places, in your pencil pot, on the shelves. Ah! You remembered! You yanked your beside table draw open to triumphantly find your sketching pencils- and a little red book.

The book the bird brought me.

All ideas of sketching vanished from your mind. You brushed the pencils aside in your drawer and picked the book up. You stared at it in your hands. There was a sudden desire to read it. It was only thin copy, right? You might as well try it out. You had time to kill.

You shut the drawer forgetting about the pencils and propped your head on a pillow, lying on your front. You opened the first page and began reading intently.

“Once upon a time there was a beautiful young girl whose wicked step-mother treated her cruelly and kept her hidden away at home to clean the house,”

‘That rings a bell’, you thought with a smirk

“The young girl was practically her slave. But what no-one knew was that the king of the goblins had fallen in love with the girl, and he had given her certain powers”

You raised your eyebrows.

You ran your finger under the lines, muttering along the words on the pages aloud

“So one night when her stepmother had been particularly cruel to her, and the girl could stand her life no more, she called on the goblins for help: ‘say your right words and we will take you to the goblin city – and you will be free’ they said to her. So, on that very midnight, the girl cried through tears “I wish the goblins would come and take me away- right now”

A clap of thunder outside interrupted your murmuring but you shook your head pushing on .

This was getting strange and disturbing what kind of fairy-tale is this? Not for children surely.

When the first chapter was through you settled more comfortably on your bed against the headboard, you read on in your head.

-*-

You read the whole thing from cover to cover before ten o’clock. There was a persistent need to finish this book. You didn’t even realise you were reading at one point, you were so into it as if you were watching the scenes unfold from afar.

When you’d finished you sat thoughtfully for a while. What kind of twisted tale was that? What an emotional roller coaster that was to get through!

Yet, it all sounded so familiar, like it reminded you of something. You couldn’t think what though. You touched the bangle on your wrist instinctively.

Still, it was a good read. You’d have to tell the bird.

But the bird still wasn’t back.

You yawned widely. Maybe sleep was better than forcing yourself awake.

Turning the lamp off you left the book lying by you on the bed. It was freezing up here now, so you decide to sleep in your jeans, shirt and even your jacket, blanket over you. You didn’t even bother removing your trainers.

It didn’t take long for you to fall asleep, hugging the pillows to your chest.

_*_ “Here you are” the voice by your ear made you jump.

You turned “it’s you!” you immediately fell against him, hugging him.

“Well, well looks like somebody missed me” he smirked placing a cool gloved hand on the crown of your head which slipped to lightly grasp your shoulder. For some reason you could never think of the words to say to him. The right words.

You never questioned what this significant scene meant not that he’d be able to tell you anyway he was only a figment after all.

You didn’t question how the tall man knew you’d missed him, but then it was your subconscious speaking to you, you reminded yourself, so of course he’d know, whoever he was, clearly you’d picked him up in your memories somewhere along the line, you certainly didn’t recognise him now, and you still didn’t know his name but maybe you’d invent that later.

“Shall we?” He held out his arm for you to take.

From leaning your head slightly on his shoulder, you grinned, knowing what was coming.

The room burst into action between your blinks, it was the colour of ice and champagne décor to match. There seemed to suddenly be people everywhere -well, you thought they were people, they looked like people but maybe they weren’t, maybe they were whatever he was. You couldn’t quite believe he was human somehow, something in his gaze or in the fluidity of his movements.

You could never see their faces, initially the masks were a little unsettling but by now they seemed to feel comfortingly familiar. Strange how you seemed to pick up every detail, usually dreams were foggy and unclear, nothing ever made complete sense but this one you had down to a tee, everything was always crystal clear.

You looked down at yourself and smiled at the dress you were wearing again, its familiarity to you made it feel like an old family heirloom. You playfully swished the puffy material in your hands and released it, admiringly.

You looked back at him, kitted-out in his usual attire; long blue jacket, poet’s shirt and that hair. He was looking at you thoughtfully with a kind expression.

The mystery man automatically takes your right hand holding it at an angle, his free arm supported under yours to hold you in by the waist.

It was like an old film, the way the scenes changed so fast as if it were skipping, you were moving motion to motion quickly but then most dreams were this way weren’t they?

Gracefully you both twirled around the dance floor -everyone melting away it seemed. Even the sweet music muffled. You didn’t know how but somehow you always knew the right steps, you never tripped- not once.

You focused on how you were feeling now in this scene, everything felt so real, you’d pinched your own arm a couple of times in the past and sometimes give his shoulder a squeeze, you just couldn’t understand. You squeezed it a little now, , earning a cheeky grin from him.

He whisks you around faster than usual, taking you by surprise, and you let out a string of giggles, so thrilled. How you’d miss this. He seemed to enjoy your reaction, delighted he could make you so happy.

“Do you enjoy my visits, my love?” he suddenly said out of the blue.

Your attention snapped back and you wrinkled your nose at that with a puzzled smile. It wasn’t in his usual script. You decided played along with your subconscious anyway.

“Of course” you say boldly, what was the point in being shy after all, it wasn’t real. Still, a blush starts at the base of your throat and you keep your eyes focused on the scenes behind his ear so you don’t have to look him directly in the eye. You could feel him inching closer, but you pretend not to notice.

He twirled you and when you came back around he was closer still eye contact never breaking. You could feel his breath by your ear. Your spine tingled.

“Would you like to stay like this, forever?” his voice was always so silky soft but the way he said the last word was enough to put you on edge. You had been dancing for a while- you usually wake up before you can finish, why was tonight different?

“You still haven’t told me your name” you reminded him, changing the subject and willing yourself to focus anywhere but his eyes. How striking they were. Things seemed a little blurred now, you must be close to waking up.

“I can’t now” The tall man faltered with such kindness and pity in his eyes as if you should understand why he couldn’t, “but I will soon, but you have to accept me first”.

The dancing had begun to slow and soon the pair of you were stood still in an embrace waiting for you to say something. It seemed to be on the tip of your tongue but you couldn’t think of anything so you just said “I don’t understand”.

The mystery man seemed to falter but pushed on “you could live every day like this”.

You dithered in your confusion “I- I don’t know what to do” you didn’t like disappointing him; of course you wanted to stay in this beautiful dream, but that’s all it was.

He smiled sadly, as if reading your thoughts. The tall man drew back and you wanted to yell in frustration that he was leaving already when you wanted to know more. You physically felt a force pull him away from you.

“Wait!” you pleaded holding out your arm to grab him.

“All you have to do is accept” he said sadly watching from afar- your confusion. He repeated the words over and over and then when you felt yourself leaving said one more strange word that you didn’t understand.

“tonight”.

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maknaesdancersrappers · 6 years

Text

You feel like you're on a natural high when you're together.

Jaehyun didn’t have basketball practice today so he was able to go home with you one afternoon; a rare occasion the past month. To celebrate, you were able to convince (also read as ‘guilt trip’) him in buying you an ice cream cone.

Maybe it was the sugar from the sweet treat, but when Jaehyun pointed out the public playground to you and suggested to eat your ice cream there, you happily agreed and even bounced a little when you started to remember all your childhood memories there.

“This place used to be so much smaller.” Jaehyun points out, looking around the area. Most of the equipment were new versions of what you remember when you were little with additional equipments you’ve never seen and a couple of exercising apparatus for adults.

There weren’t any kids playing, but there was one old lady walking around the lot. You mount one of the seesaws and wait for him to sit on the opposite side. “Aw, our dads had to hold us when we played on the seesaw because we didn’t weigh the same-”

“Just say I was fat, [Y/N].” He grumbles, ironically taking a huge bite of his ice cream.

“You were,” You stifle a laugh, “adorably chubby. You would cry when I did because you kept weighing your side down so I was stuck in the air-oh my god! Jaehyun!”

He suddenly brings all his weight down until his seat was pressed against the ground, slyly smiling up at you as you’re now suspended in the air. “What was that, [Y/N]? I didn’t quite hear you.”

“Jung Jaehyun!”

“Is it as high up as you remember it?” He teases, cocking his head left to right.

“Please put me down.” You whine, gripping onto the handle for support. “I’m pretty sure it was way scarier for younger me, but I’m still not willing to stay up here for too long.”

Jaehyun chuckles as he continues to tease you, pretending to let you down only to bring you back up. He only relented when he lost his footing and fell on his seat, practically launching you off yours. You obviously panicked, grabbing at the handles and accidentally letting go of your ice cream. When Jaehyun recovers, he lets you down and starts apologizing, but he was only able to get your pout and disappointment off your face when he gives you his cone.

“You’re such a child.” He comments after he throws away your spoiled snack and finds you on the swing.

“I’ll only agree if you push me.”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes, shaking his head in disbelief but still walks behind you to push you forward.

“Did you know our dads got in trouble with our moms because they would always see who could push us higher?” You giggle, trying to eat the parts of the ice cream Jaehyun hadn’t touch. “They got worried we’d fall off.”

“I’d blame my dad. He could make a competition out of the littlest things.”

“And you get it from him!” You exclaim, stopping the swing with your feet to offer the rest of the ice cream, which he finishes off before resuming pushing you. “When we were a little older, they left us to push each other and you would get annoyed that I didn’t push you as hard as you did for me.”

“It’s true though.”

You scoffed, “Well, I’m sorry for being a weak little girl. At least I didn’t actually push you off your seat.”

He laughs at the memory, “We’re stronger now, do you wanna see who can go higher?”

“Knowing exactly how strong you are… uh, not really? But whatever, let’s do it!” You brace yourself on the swing and start pulling yourself back to get momentum.

“Okay, wait! Wait!” He rushes to the seat beside yours and pushes it as far as his hips can go, already giving him an advantage. “Okay, go!”

Childish laughter escapes both of you as you let yourselves swing back and forth, trying to put your weight in properly to reach higher than each other. It really felt like you were kids again and somehow you were thankful there was barely anybody around, but you ought to keep your voices down since it’s almost night time and the park was already starting to open its’ lights.

“Ya!” The old lady you had spotted early calls out to the two of you, “Be careful!”

“Sorry!” Jaehyun skids his swing to a stop and you follow suit. “We’ll be more careful.”

“You youngin’s might be in love, but that doesn’t mean you have to be reckless!”

“We’re not-” You both try to correct her, but stop halfway when you realized you were talking at the same time; you look down to your feet and blush while Jaehyun continues to inform the old lady about their actual relationship.

“My sight might be bad, but I’m not blind! You two take care of yourselves now, it’s getting late.” She yells before ambling out of the park.

You and Jaehyun stay silent for a minute, staring at the retreating figure of the lady before sharing a look with one another and bursting into snickers; biting down on your lips to contain your voices.

“Let’s go home?” He offers, standing up and dusting off his bottom.

“Yeah, come on.” You stand up as well, mischievously smiling at him, “I’ll race ya.” You giggle before speeding off, leaving a distraught Jaehyun.

“What is with you today?!” He cries, nevertheless chases after you with a breathy chuckle of his own.

the twelfth sign

#nct scenarios #jaehyun scenarios #14WTKYIL

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sugarcoated-pain · 5 years

Text

Heavy Rotation Part 5

Thanks to everybody who’s been reading, especially those letting me know what you think! Keep an eye out for Part 6 soon because it is gonna be GOOD! ;)

As always, thanks @sublimehood for all the help, guidance, and general reassurance lol.

Best Friends to Lovers- original character + Ashton

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Over the next few weeks, things started to go back to normal. Well, I mean, as “normal” as things could ever be for us. Ashton and I didn’t speak of the kiss again, and we all did what we could to help him get over his break up. I respectfully didn’t bring up the “friends with benefits” comment while he was grieving, though the thought definitely crossed my mind more than once.

Around the end of January, we got a regular visitor around the studio. Ray is a music producer and owner of a brand new recording studio in New York City, as well as an old friend of Luke’s parents. He’s visiting LA on business, and had never seen the studio, so he stopped by whenever he got a chance, just hanging out and picking up ideas for his own studio. On his first day in town, Liz was giving him the grand tour and they caught me messing around in the recording studio. Whoops. Ray was amused by this, and also could immediately tell that I am an “East Coast Girl”. Didn’t realize it was THAT obvious.

It’s almost impossible for me to stay away from the studio now that I am getting the hang of how things work in there. When business is slow, Ashton and I have been working on editing my demo, but it’s taking longer than it should, since we’re actually supposed to be working. Ray walked in one day and overheard part of my track, and was intrigued. Ashton played it for him from the beginning, much to my embarrassment, but Ray said it was “really good” and that I have “a lot of potential”. Holy crap. This is amazing.

On his last day in town, Ray approaches me alone while I’m working in the store.

“I’ve been really impressed by you while I’ve been here. You’ve got the same energy that I’m looking to have in my studio. If you decide you’d like to move back closer to home, there’s a job waiting for you.”

I’m initially stunned. He hands me his business card. “Wow, thanks. That’s incredible and honestly really flattering, “ I start, once my brain is able to process what he is saying. “But I’ve already kinda built a life here, and I love what I’m doing.”

Ray glances down at the pile of records in my hand, and gives me an incredulous look, “Stacking records?”

I chuckle slightly. “Touche.”

“Just keep it in the back of your mind, okay? The company would pay to fly you there and there could be a nice signing bonus involved. Hit me up if you change your mind.”

I stand there stunned for a few moments after he’s left, staring at his business card in my hand.

“Hey, you okay?” It’s Georgia. She’s bringing Calum lunch, and has clearly noticed that I’m in shock.

“Uh.. yeah I think so... That Ray guy just offered me a job in New York.”

“WOAH…seriously?? are you..actually considering it?” She asks, looking impressed and also mildly concerned.

“Nah not really… I mean, my gut says no, I love my life here.. But it sounds like it could be good money, and it would be nice to be closer to home…” I reply with a shrug.

“Well, you know we’d all miss the hell out of you, but I’m excited for you and support whatever decision you make!”

I smile. “Thanks, G.”

I was on closing duty for the store that night, and everybody else had shit going on, so once my shift was finally over, I had the apartment to myself. I cooked myself some pasta without anybody getting in my way, and plopped down on the couch to watch a movie. Ashton was the first one home.

“Are you watching the Wedding Singer AGAIN?” He asks, shaking his head.

“I love this movie, leave me alone!”

He plops down on the couch next to me, and before I even know what is happening, he grabs my fork and steals a bite of my alfredo.

“Hey! Get your own!” I snap, slapping his hand playfully.

He smirks triumphantly, taking another bite.

“How was work?” He asks, settling back on the couch.

“Boring as hell. OH but that Ray guy came back and actually offered me a job in New York!”

“What?? For real??”

“Yeah but I'm probably not gonna take it.. it's just kinda flattering, ya know?”

“Why aren't you going to take it?”

“Well, I mean, I've already got a job that I usually enjoy..and I've built a life here.. and there's all of you guys…”

The look on his face is hard to read but I'd say he seems pleased with my answer. His cell phone buzzes and he checks it, then let's out a frustrated groan.

“What's up?” I ask curiously.

“Nothing… just… Camille keeps texting me lately..”

“WHAT?!? What does that skanky bitch want??”

“She says she wants to 'talk’. Keeps trying to get me to meet up with her. She is apparently sorry and made a 'mistake’.” He sighs.

“....you're not buying that bullshit, right??”

“I don't really wanna talk about it right now. Let's just watch your stupid movie.” He adds, the last part in a playful tone. Without responding to the text, he puts his phone back in his pocket.

We sit in silence for a little while just watching the movie together, even though I've seen it dozens of times. I’m hyper-aware of the fact that we seem to be inching closer together on the couch, until the point that our legs are touching. I can occasionally feel him watching me out of the corner of my eye. My cheeks start to feel flushed and the air feels like it’s made of electricity. The tension starts to become too much to bear. My heart is racing now and it’s taking everything in my power not to climb on top of him right here on the couch. Almost a month has passed since the breakup, and I decide in this moment that this is a reasonable amount of time to address the thing I can’t stop thinking about.

“So.. remember on New Year’s Day when you made that comment about ‘best friends with benefits’?” Before I can finish my sentence, his lips are on mine. Pulling me closer to him, i wrap my arms around his back and run my fingers through his hair as I kiss him back. “But that’s all this is, right? No strings attached?” I say quickly, pulling away, but with our lips just inches apart. He instantly breaks the space between us to continue kissing me. It’s a deep, passionate kiss, the kind I pictured every time I imagined this happening, but I need to make sure we are on the same page, so I try again, “Because you’re still getting over Camille....”,

“And you don’t want a relationship…” he retorts, but his lips are back on mine as soon as he finishes the sentence.

“And we’re best friends who live together and anything more would be weird….and I wouldn’t want everybody else to know..” I say into his ear, as he moves his lips down to my neck.

“Just shut up and kiss me.” He pulls me up onto his lap, and I straddle my legs on either side of his. I move one of my hands from his hair to his back, moving up under his shirt and running my fingernails all the way down. I can feel him getting harder beneath me, and it’s almost too much to take. He runs his hands up under the back of my shirt to undo my bra.

Suddenly, we hear keys in the front door and I jump off of him as fast as I can. We both frantically straighten our clothes and hair, panting. Luckily, Cal and Georgia are lost in conversation and not paying attention when they first walk in. I pull my loose bra through my shirt sleeve discreetly and stuff it under the throw blanket next to me. I notice Ashton is using the other end of the same blanket to hide his erection, which makes me smirk proudly.

“Hey guys, what’re you up to?” Cal asks as they enter the living room

“Just watching a movie .. but it’s almost over and I’m exhausted so I was thinking about going to bed soon.” I reply, with a pointed look at Ashton.

“Yeah, me too.” Ash adds, picking up on the cue. He better know that I expect him to crawl through my bedroom window the second I get in there and fuck me senseless.

“Aw. We actually had a movie we wanted to watch with you guys. The four of us haven’t gotten a chance to hang out in a while.” Georgia replies. Great. Guilt trip. Ashton and I exchange a look.

“I guess I can hang out a little while longer.” I answer. How long can the movie be, right?

I can wait two more hours for the guy I’ve already waited eight months for. But about halfway through, the rush from our little makeout session has worn off and I start to feel drowsy. Last thing I remember is laying my head on Ashton’s shoulder.

I wake up several hours later, wrapped in Ashton’s arms on the couch. Someone appears to have thrown the blanket over us, so that’s kind of awkward. I realize the sun is already up, and reach for my cell phone to check the time. I’m supposed to be downstairs for work in 30 minutes so I gently move Ash’s arms and begin to stand up. He’s still passed out but he instinctively tries to pull me back to him. It’s adorable and everything I’ve ever wanted but this shit can absolutely NOT happen. This was a terrible idea. I should NOT have allowed this to happen.

“Hey, Ash. Wake up. You’ve gotta go to work soon.”

“morning” he says groggily.

I stand up and fold the blanket, and try to give him a second to wake up.“....We need to talk about last night..” My tone a little bit more serious than I intended.

“Why am I getting a deja vu feeling?” he says, as he stretches and begins to sit up.

“I changed my mind. I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to do this whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing…”

“Can I assume you’re not going to give me a reason as to why?”

Because you’re the most perfect man I’ve ever met and I’m secretly falling for you, which makes you the world’s worst distraction for a girl on a mission. “I just don’t want to deal with everybody in the apartment finding out, but I also don’t want to have to sneak around. I think we’re really better off as JUST friends…”

“Well I’m gonna call bullshit because I know you don’t give a damn what anybody else thinks, but fine. If that’s what you really want, then I respect that... Just friends.”

“Thank you. It is.” UGH it’s very much NOT what I really want. Why can’t I just be real with him and myself right now?

I take a super quick shower before work, and all I can think about is how badly I want Ashton in there with me. This is a problem. This HAS to stop. I’m here for my music, and I can’t let some guy hold me back, no matter how perfect he is. It occured to me in this moment that Ashton was the reason why I immediately told Ray no when he offered me the job. This is everything I wanted to avoid. What if this NYC opportunity really was my fast track into the music industry? The fact that I didn’t even consider it for a second all because of Ashton TERRIFIES me.

As soon as I step out of the shower, I reach for the jeans I had fallen asleep in, and pull Ray’s business card out of my pocket. Before I even get dressed, I send him an email asking for more details about the position. As I head downstairs for work, I hear a notification on my phone. It’s Ray, getting back to me much quicker than I anticipated, and the offer almost feels too good to be true. The money is great, I’d get to be helping make music instead of stacking cds and records all day, and I would receive a signing bonus. He even mentioned that there was a flight at the end of the week on the company’s preferred airline that still had seats available on such short notice, so he had used their miles to secure a ticket for me, just in case. That seemed a little presumptuous, but also nice to know that this guy wanted me to work for them that badly.

It was a lot to think about, and I spend most of my shift daydreaming about what it would be like to be back on the east coast, and REALLY working in the music industry. Being closer to my family and old friends would be nice. The reasons to go seemed to be adding up quicker than the reasons to stay. But I realized that my main reason to stay was more important to me than all of the reasons I should go.

Part Six

Part Seven

Part Eight

Let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist, and I love hearing feedback!

Taglist: @cheyenne-in-wonderland @drummerboy794 @harrysgucciclothes @emmamarshmellow @rbforsmileycal @asht0ns-world @dukesnumber1

#5sos #ashton irwin #5 seconds of summer #5sos fanfiction #5sos fanfic #5 seconds of summer fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfics #calum hood #luke hemmings #michael clifford

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jacksonroseroth · 5 years

Text

Welcome To The Neighborhood Chapter 3

A/N: Here it is y’all! The third chapter of mine and @badwolf-in-the-impala ‘s SOA collab! I hope everyone enjoyed reading the first few Chapters, and that you’re excited to keep following this story! As stated before, we will be alternating chapters, so previous chapter links will be linked below! New chapters will be posted EVERY Monday! Happy reading ^-^

Warnings: Flirting, Kissing

Words: 4,494

Moodboard made by @badwolf-in-the-impala , none of the pictures are ours.

Previous Chapter

Just as Gemma and the sisters set down the last plate on the buffet style set up in the backyard, members and their families began filing in. Kacey and Harper stuck mostly to themselves, interacting with a few Old Ladies that came up to them, otherwise, they were with a few of the guys. As the party wound down, only Clay, Gemma, Jax, Opie, Half-Sack and Piney still there, Harper and Kacey joined the guys at the table after helping Gemma clear away the food. Clay and Piney sat inside enjoying a late night cup of coffee. Kacey had gotten quite comfortable with Opie and ended up in his lap as she sucked down the last of her beer while Harper sat next to Jax, an arm tossed over the back of her chair.

“Okay...One more and then you need to cut me off, Sis.” Kacey said, setting her bottle down a little harder than intended, making a loud clank against the glass table. Half-Sack jumped up and went to the cooler, fishing around for a few cold beers before he came back, sliding one to Kacey and two over to Jax and Opie. “Awe. Thanks, Half-Sack. I wanted my sister to get it...But thank you.”

Her voice turned honey sweet, a very sensitive drunk, she was. And wiggled in Opie’s lap as he took it from her, twisting off the cap and handing it back to her with a smirk. Harper took a drink from the beer still in her hand, tilting the bottle toward him a little, and said, “Yeah. By the way, why do they call you Half-Sack?”

Half-Sack chuckled and stood, a little drunk himself, he started to undo his belt as he said, “Well, I was in Iraq. Lost my left nut to an aper frag-”

A collective shout and protest erupted the second they heard his belt clank. With a sheepish smile, Half-Sack buckled himself back up and sat down, picking up his own beer and sipping on it. The girls giggled and exchanged looks and a shake of their heads while Opie and Jax merely chuckled. Harper took one last sip and set her bottle down as she stood.

“Well, as much fun as that would have been…” She started with a chuckle, looking to her sister, then Jax, with a sweet smile. “I think we should be heading home. Unlike some people…”

Harper gave her sister a look accompanied by a smirk and finished, “I got a few interviews today and we desperately need jobs.”

“Want us to walk you home?” Jax offered, standing up as well. Harper smiled and gave a small nod.

“Sure. Thanks.” She said, sweetly. Jax followed Harper inside to say goodbye and thank you to Gemma and Clay while Kacey giggled and slid off Opie’s lap. Opie kept a hold of her arm as she swayed a little, helping her back into her jacket. With a hiccup and a giggle, she said, “Thank you, Opie.”

Opie chuckled and said, “Let’s get you home, darlin’.” Kacey gave a small ‘hmm’ of approval as she wrapped an arm around Opie’s waist for support; tucking herself into his side as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and urged her forward. Pausing a few times on their way through the house as Kacey said goodbye to Gemma, Clay and a few of the guys before they finally made it outside.

Opie was careful not to walk too fast, not just due to their height difference and the fact Kacey was more than a little drunk. But also because he wasn’t quite ready for the night to be over yet, especially since it was such a short walk from Gemma and Clay’s.

“Doin’ alright?” He asked, slowing down a little bit more as Kasey stumbled over her feet a little. Opie tightening his grip to keep her from falling, chuckling a little as she glanced up at him with a drunken crooked smile.

“Mhm...I’m good.” She sighed, leaning her head against his side. It was only a few more steps she was able to take before she missed the crack in the sidewalk and was suddenly gone from Opie’s side. Thankfully, Opie saw it just as she went down and scooped her up before she could hit the ground.

“My hero.” She snorted with a laugh, her hand flying up to cover her mouth as she tried to muffle the fact she had actually just snorted. Embarrassed when it happened a second time, and she buried her face against his chest in an attempt to hide.

“Let’s get you to bed, hm?” He chuckled as they started walking again, the vibrations of the laugh rumbling through his chest, making Kacey snuggle closer as she closed her eyes. The motion of his strides almost lulling her to sleep until he paused outside her front door. “Shit... I need your keys.

Kacey fumbled around in her pockets for a couple seconds before she finally found them, holding them up a couple inches from Opie’s face before getting herself comfortable again as he found the correct key and managed to get the door unlocked. Kicking it closed with his boot as he stepped inside and started hunting for a light switch; finally coming across a lamp near the couch and clicking it on.

“You still with me?” He questioned, shifting her around in his arms a little as he moved around the front of the couch.

“Yeah.” She nodded against his chest, sounding a little less than coherent as Opie lowered her onto the couch carefully. He was almost certain she had passed out when he felt the toe of her boot catch the side of his foot and take it out from under him, causing him to fall forward; his face a couple inches from hers as he caught himself.

Kacey bit her lip lightly as she stared up at him, Opie chuckling softly, meeting her gaze as he allowed his hand to move up and caress her cheek gently. Staring for a few more seconds before Kacey closed the gap and pressed her lips to his. Her own hand finding its way into his hair as she made a move to further the kiss, groaning as Opie’s phone started going off in his pocket and forcing them to break away so he could check it.

“Shit…” He muttered as he looked at the screen before silencing it, about to apologize when Kacey raised a hand to silence him.

“It’s cool.” She chuckled drunkenly as she sat up slightly. “Harper will be here soon anyway; I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?” Opie asked, the corners of his lips turning down slightly. “I can stay till she gets here if you want me to?”

“Nah, I’m sure.” Kacey shook her head lightly with a small smile as she dismissed the offer. Knowing herself better than to accept an offer like that when she was this drunk. Not wanting to screw things up quite so soon. “I’ll be fine. Promise.” She drunkenly crossed her finger over her heart. “I’ve been left in a lot worse condition.”

“Ouch, guilt trip much?” Opie chuckled before pressing his lips to hers again for another kiss, half mumbling another ‘You’re sure?’ into the kiss.

“Mhm.” Kacey nodded.

“Positive?” He teased, pulling away briefly before pressing another kiss to her lips. Ignoring his phone that was vibrating again inside his pocket.

“Positive...that if you don’t leave soon, I’m gonna start taking my clothes off...and that’s not good for anybody.” She chuckled, finally breaking the kiss. “Besides,” She pointed at his pocket. “They’re jus’ gonna keep calling.”

“Valid point.” Opie sighed, pecking her on the lips on more time before he stood, grabbing the blanket off the back of the couch and laying it over Kacey as she laid back down and got comfortable.

“Thank you.” She smiled softly, closing her eyes with a sigh.

“Goodnight,” Opie said quietly as he moved around the couch and reached for the front door, glancing back at Kacey one more time as he opened it before stepping out. Making sure it locked behind him and descending the steps of her front porch.

“Gemma. Hey.” Harper said as she approached the trio at the table. Gemma turned and smiled.

“Oh, hey. Are you girls heading home?” Gemma asked, already pulling Harper into a hug. Harper smiled as Gemma kissed her cheek and sat back.

“Yeah. I’ve got some interviews tomorrow and Kacey’s one beer away from running through the street.” Harper said. “Or at least getting the idea.”

Clay and Piney chuckled as Gemma shook her head. “Well, it was good to have you girls here. I hope we’ll see more of you. Don’t be strangers.” She said. Harper smiled and thanked Gemma and Clay again before heading out. As they walked, a cold breeze snapped past them, making Harper shiver in her shorts and curse herself for not thinking to bring a jacket. Jax saw the shiver, even though she tried to hide it as she rubbed a hand over her arm. Jax finished his cigarette and stamped it out before he stopped and took off his Kutte then his zip up. Harper turned to him and smiled as he put it around her shoulders and zipped it up halfway. He looked at her and smirked.

“Looks good on you.” He said. Harper stuck her arms through and smiled, taking Jax’s arm as they continued walking. It wasn’t a long walk, but Harper rested her head on Jax’s shoulder anyway. Her beers were slowly beginning to soak into her every fiber and she was feeling a little flirty. As they got to the start of her driveway, Jax called out to Opie, who sat on his bike, starting it.

“Hey, man. Uh, your sister’s in the house already. She’s a little drunk though.” Opie said with a chuckle. Harper nodded and said, “Thanks, Ope.”

“Hey, I’ll catch you at the clubhouse,” Jax said as Opie saluted two fingers at him and took off down the street. Harper gave a soft sigh as she took a step past Jax, heading up her walkway. As her hand trailed down his arm, she caught his hand and Jax stayed right along with her until they reached the door. Harper let go of Jax’s hand and dug through her pockets for her keys. Once she had them in her hand, she turned to Jax and smiled, letting herself move a little closer.

“Thanks for walking me home. And for giving me a ride today.” Harper said. Jax smiled and pushed a few curls behind her ear.

“Anythin’ we can do to help. We’re all about the service, darlin’.” Jax said. Harper bit her lip and gave his Kutte a small tug, glancing down at his patches, moving a step closer. She looked up at him and lifted up on her toes to press a soft, light kiss to his lips. Once her heels clicked on the concrete, Jax licked his lower lip and smirked, slipping a hand over her hip to pull her closer. Harper giggled as Jax pushed a hand into her curls and pulled her closer for a longer, deeper kiss. Harper gripped the leather of his Kutte and sighed into the kiss as she pressed herself against him. The kiss would have continued if Harper didn't hear stumbling and a crash inside that made them break the kiss, Harper giving a small groan.

“Jesus. I need to get in there before Taz comes out.” Harper said with a chuckle, turning and unlocking the door. Jax snickered and said, “I thought it was when she got pissed?”

Harper tilted her head back with a small giggle fit. She glanced back at him and said, “You really think the Tasmanian Devil wouldn’t do the same if he got drunk?”

Jax snickered and shook his head. “Alright, well...I’ll see you around then?” He asked, shoving his hands in his jean pockets, biting his lip, slightly and giving her a quick once over with a smirk. Harper bit her lip and turned to him again, taking a step closer and kissing him once more.

“I’m sure you will.” She said, softly, her hand reaching behind her to open the door and slip inside. “Night.”

Jax nodded at her and smiled. “Night.” He said. Harper smiled and closed the door, leaving Jax to smirk to himself as he went back to his bike. As he strapped on his helmet, his phone buzzed in his pocket. Jax took it out and answered the call. “Yeah?”

“*Hey, Jax, we need you back at the clubhouse, man. We just got a call from Clay.*” Tig’s voice chimed in. Jax raised an eyebrow and looked back down the street at Gemma’s to see Piney and Clay heading to their bikes. Jax sighed and said, “Yeah, I’m on my way.”

He snapped his phone shut and waited until Clay got closer to fall in line behind him.

Harper turned, taking off Jax’s hoodie and watched as her sister hopped around trying to pull off the boot that was tied around her leg. She chuckled and shook her head before going over to her and pushing her back onto the couch.

“Hey!” Kacey shouted, then crossed her arms and said, “Fuckin’ rude.”

“You’re going to kill yourself doing that shit, Kacey. Or worse, break your ankle.” Harper said, unlacing her boot and pulling it off. Kacey furrowed her eyebrows as she watched her sister.

“How is breaking my ankle worse than dying?” She questioned. Harper looked at her sister and said, with a smirk, “Because if you’re dead, you’ll haunt me and I can’t kill you. If you’ve broken your ankle, I have to hear you bitch and I can kill you.”

“How is that worse?” Kacey asked. Harper threw her boot at her and said, “I didn't say it was worse for me.”

Kacey launched the boot right back at Harper, though she ducked out of the way, as she made her way into the kitchen. Harper stood in front of the almost empty fridge for a while before Kacey wandered over and hung off her sister’s shoulder. She grimaced at the limp lettuce and cheese in their fridge. “We need to go shopping,” Kacey said. Harper nodded and swung the door shut, turning to her sister with a smirk.

“Chinese?” Harper offered. Kacey’s drunk eyes lit up and she smiled.

“Yes!” She squealed with a clap, bouncing over to her phone and falling onto the couch. “Do you think they have a good Chinese place here?”

“I’m not sure. But we’re not too far away from the next city over. There’s gotta be a place that delivers.” Harper said, grabbing her phone and searching.

Within the next half hour, the girls had changed into just their panties and a shirt, Harper grabbing Jax’s hoodie to answer the door. She paid the delivery boy, tipping him a little extra for delivering so late, and brought the bag over to the coffee table, lounging in the armchair next to the couch. Kacey had fallen asleep just after Harper ordered, so with a nudge of her foot to Kacey’s knee that was hanging off the side of the couch, she said, “Hey. Wake up before I eat it all.”

Harper snickered as Kacey grumbled at her, rubbing her eyes and sitting up. Harper handed her a pair of chopsticks then asked, “Chow Mein or fried rice?”

“Chow mein. Duh.” Kacey said with a chuckle, Harper smirking and handing the box to her. Harper sat back with a box of walnut shrimp and set the fried rice on the side table next to her. Around her bites of food, Harper managed to ask, with a smirk, “So...Did Opie kiss you?”

Kacey nearly choked on the bite of noodles she had just shoved in her mouth. “Excuse you?”

Harper snickered and glanced at her as she picked her way around the walnuts. “You heard me.” She said, shifting in her seat, shoving another shrimp into her mouth with a little wiggle.

Kacey paused from taking her next bite as she narrowed her gaze at her sister; swallowing what was left in her mouth before speaking again. “Did you kiss Jax?” She replied mockingly.

Unfortunately, the smile never left Harper’s face as she looked up at her and said, “Yeah. Twice.”

“Hm…” Kacey mused with a small smirk before shoving another bite of chow mein in her mouth. “I beat you by two then.”

Harper gave her sister a mock scandalized look before giving a soft chuckle and picking up the fried rice. “Well...It was only cause we were drunk.” Harper said, picking through the rice, looking up at her as she added, “You’re not...Planning on letting it get any further...Right?”

Kacey cleared her throat awkwardly as she stared into her box of chow mein, not wanting to lie, but also not knowing exactly how to answer. “I don’t know…” She shrugged, picking at her food. Harper blinked and shifted in her seat, dropping her legs down from the arm of the chair. She gave a short laugh and said, “What do you mean, you don’t know? Kacey...We cannot get involved with them. I mean, come on! We barely got Marcus off our backs about Bastien and Nico. I don’t know about you but Clay scares me a little bit more than him. I don’t wanna fuck with him.”

“Quite frankly, I’d be more afraid of Gemma.” Kacey joked lightly, trying to lighten the mood a little. Harper rolled her eyes after delivering a death glare at her.

“Oh, yeah, sure. You can joke. Opie is Jax’s best friend, and Jax is Gemma’s son. Yes. Thank you for reminding me that I’d be doubly fucked!” she shot at her, picking angrily at the rice. Kacey snickered and didn't bother to hide her smirk as she said, “Technically, you’d be triply fucked, but...You know…”

Harper huffed as she set the box down in her lap, staring at her sister as she laughed into her chow mein. She flicked a piece of rice at her and said, “Just promise me if you do it, it’s the one time? Don’t get involved with them, Kace. I’m sure there are other nice guys in this town for us.”

“Yeah. That’s true.” Kacey said, nodding along in agreeance. She quickly looked at her and said, “If it weren’t for the fact we attract bikers.”

Harper rolled her eyes and sighed, shoving rice into her mouth and sinking a little in her chair. After a while, Harper sat up as Kacey grabbed the orange chicken and said, “Please just promise me it’d be the one time?”

“Yeah, yeah. I promise. I mean, I can’t guarantee it’ll ever happen, but yes. If it does, it’s the one time.” Kacey said, crossing her heart and rolling her eyes. Harper gave her a look but dropped the subject as she shook her head and dug back into the shrimp. A few more minutes passed before Kacey looked up and said, “So did you see that chick Tig brought along?”

Harper’s gaze pierced under her lashes at her sister, before her lips curled in a smirk and they both laughed, descending into their routine of breaking down the night.

Early the next morning, Kacey woke up and dressed for her shift. Last night at the party, Chibs and Juice managed to rope Clay and Kacey together and convinced Clay to let her come on part-time, if at first, in the clubhouse, and with a little help from Opie, Clay also agreed to let Kacey work on Harper’s truck. As Kacey walked out the door, having left Harper a note, she saw Half-Sack pull up in the tow truck, giving a wave. Kacey gave a nod and waved back as she hurried down the walkway and climbed in.

“Morning!” Half-Sack said cheerily as he put the truck in gear. Kacey cringed inwardly, but she held a polite smile as she tried to pretend she was at least somewhat of a morning person...and that her brain wasn’t about to pound it’s way out of her skull.

“Morning…” She replied.

“Sleep good?” Half-Sack asked, attempting to make small talk as they pulled out onto the road and started for the Clubhouse.

“Dunno if you can call three and a half hours of sleep good,” Kacey replied. “But sure. We’ll go with that.” She chuckled lightly and turned her attention to looking out the window, taking in the scenery as it passed by; Half-Sack rambling on about something completely random in the background as she attempted to tune him out. Any form of sound making her headache worse at this point. Her and Harper really needed to hit the store for essentials...Excedrin being number one on her list right now.

But as they pulled into the parking lot at TM, Kacey drew a deep breath and composed her thoughts. Preparing herself for all the information and learning that was about to go down...so early in the morning...while she was battling a hangover.

“So,” Half-Sack started as they approached the Clubhouse. “Can’t give you a key yet, Clays orders, but one of us is always around if you get locked out or something. And Gemma is usually one of the first people here and unlocks things if the guys aren’t up and movin’ yet.” Kacey nodded as they stepped inside.

“You got to see where most everything is at behind the bar, yesterday...that’s pretty basic. Cooler is back through here.” He took her towards the back entrance and gestured to a big metal door before pulling it open. “You’ll find everything you need for restocking in here. Kegs, bottles, cans, mixers; hard liquor is kept in a separate locked cabinet behind the bar.” He added.

“Pretty basic.” Kacey chuckled with a nod. Half-Sack nodded in return as they made their way back out front to the bar, right as Clay and Opie were making their way inside.

“Everything is pretty simple, cleaning wise and whatnot. Anything you don’t know or have questions on, I’ll show you as we go along. Sound good?” Half-Sack smiled and Kacey gave another nod.

“I think I can handle it.” She replied. “Either way, I’m a fast learner.”

“Glad to hear it.” Clay chimed in as he grinned down at her, motioning towards the door. “C’mon. We’ll show you around the garage real quick before you get started.”

Kacey was quick to fall in stride beside Opie as they followed Clay outside and across the lot to the Garage; Opie giving her a grin as he slowed his pace a little, but otherwise remained quiet as Clay continued on with the tour, pointing out a few things along the way before they stepped inside the shop.

“It’s your pretty basic setup.” Clay motioned around the garage. “If you need help finding somethin’ just flag down one of the guys, or give a holler at Gemma in the office.” He added. “Aside from that, rules are simple; part time for now until we see if you’re a good fit. I’ll have Gemma make you a schedule. You’re free to come and go on your days off to work on your sister’s truck. Other than that, just listen and follow instructions and you’ll be jus’ fine...welcome to TM, Kid.” Clay grinned and patted her on the shoulder before steering her back in the direction of the Clubhouse, just the two of them as Opie got to work.

The morning breezed by as Kacey got to work; her headache eventually dulling as she worked alongside Half-Sack most of the morning as he showed her the ins and outs of the working the bar at the Clubhouse. Most of it was pretty simple and not much different than the last bartending job she had. Though she had to admit, the company here was a lot better and her favorite ‘customer’ by far had to be Piney; who as it turns out, was actually Opie’s father. Kacey becoming pretty well acquainted with the old man as he spent most of the morning sitting at the bar, poking fun of Half-Sack and telling her stories.

“Jesus, Pop, you’re not harassing the new bartender already? Are you?” Opie groaned as he and Juice came in for a beer later that afternoon. Kacey trying her best to hide her grin as she grabbed a couple of beers and opened them before placing them on the bar.

“As a matter of fact,” Piney stated in a gruff tone; turning to his son with a smirk. “We were talkin’ about you.” Piney chuckled softly, watching in amusement as Opie slunk forward on his barstool and took a sip of his beer.

“Don’t worry.” Kacey chuckled, meeting Opie’s gaze with a wink as he looked up at her; cocking an eyebrow curiously. “He only told me the good bits.” She teased.

“‘Cause that makes me feel so much better,” Opie replied sarcastically, though he was unable to stave off the grin that tugged at the corners of his mouth and eventually spread into a smile. Kacey returning the gesture shyly before turning her attention to wiping down the bar and making Piney another drink. As Juice and Opie fell into conversation with Piney, the door swung open and Harper bounced inside, soon followed by Jax. Harper quickly sought out her sister and grabbed her hands, startling her.

“Jesus, Harper. Don’t make me break stuff on my first day!” Kacey chuckled. Harper shook her head and said, “Sorry. Sorry. But-I got a job! My very first interview today, and I fuckin’ nailed it!”

Kacey’s face lit up and the two girls let out a squeal and hugged. “No shit! Where at?” Kacey asked as Harper went back around the bar, her mission complete; To find her sister and tell her the news. She slipped into a seat next to Jax, who stood behind her, saying hi to Opie and the rest.

“The diner in town. Waitress.” Harper said with a shrug. “At least it’s something.”

Kacey smiled and slid both her and Jax a beer, before wiping down the bar. “Well, that’s great, Sis. At least now we have jobs.”

Harper held up her bottle and said, with a giggle, “Amen.” Kacey chuckled before moving off to grab more beers from the cooler, calling down to Half-Sack as he went down the hall to bring up another case. Harper turned to Piney and Jax, starting up a conversation with them. Throughout the rest of Kacey’s shift, and a few hours after, every now and then the sisters exchanged glances and a secret smile, finally having hope that they found their place in Charming and among the Sons.

Next Chapter

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heartists · 5 years

Text

zoey’s cat hierarchy.

cat pokémon, like real cats, have a solid and well-defined pecking order in any community they form. this encompasses both big and small cats, intact and fixed cats, dead and alive cats--if there’s more than one cat on a team, you can bet they’ve formed a ranking. in human-owned clowders, dominance is usually determined by how well a cat does in matches compared with the rest of its teammates; there are occasionally individual spats for dominance, but that’s more important in feral clowders. dominance affects things that we humans would consider petty, such as who gets to eat in what order, who gets to play with what toys first and who gets to sit where in the house. but dominance also affects things that humans would consider important, such as self-respect and propriety of behavior.

the rank of zoey’s cats are as follows.

1. ZOEY

surprise! you thought i was going to start with an actual cat, weren’t you? well, in her feline’s eyes, she’s not merely the lowly human they’ve trained to serve--she’s one of them. just as owen grady is the alpha of his velociraptor pack, zoey is the alpha of her clowder. by no means is she the only human who is viewed this way: being seen as lesser is fine if you just want to keep the cat as a pet, but to get a cat to listen to you in battle, you have to convince them that you are a leader, not a servant.

this keeps her accountable, as any being’s position as alpha cat depends almost entirely on their competence. character of course is a must--an alpha cat that nobody likes won’t stay in power for long--but the nicest trainer in the world won’t do if they are a poor leader. unlike dogs, cats are predisposed to be skeptical, self-interested and assertive about their beliefs; this means that unlike a dog’s loyalty, a cat’s loyalty is always conditional. if following you is no longer a good deal--whether you make stupid mistakes in battle or suddenly start treating your cat like dirt--then the deal is off.

2. GLAMEOW

as the cat nearest and dearest to zoey’s heart, this feisty feline naturally takes the beta spot. she is the de facto leader of the ying cat tribe, second only to zoey when the trainer gives commands on the field. for the most part, zoey lets glameow run the clowder how she wants; she’s noticed that even after accepting a human alpha, cats prefer to settle issues within their own species. glameow is bold and assertive, and isn’t stepping down anytime soon. as zoey’s longest, most consistent companion, and one of her strongest and smartest, she has more than earned her position of top cat--and she knows.

3. MISMAGIUS

he’s by far the oldest cat on zoey’s team--he was a luxray who served her father as a military pokémon, and spends much of his time reverted to his past life form. in times past, glameow tried to defer to him as the beta--many people think she was zoey’s first cat, but in reality, her love of cats started with him. he commands a position of extreme respect among all of zoey’s pokémon as a war vet who fought team galactic and died in the line of service.

there’s one major reason why mismagius isn’t the beta still, even though he’s by far the strongest pokémon on zoey’s team: his guilt. once upon a time, he’d stayed faithfully by zoey’s father’s side through the earliest parts of his current trainer’s childhood; he served as her father’s primary support for his war trauma, and zoey has vague memories of his comforting presence, both in mismagius and luxray form. but as team galactic activity in snowpoint grew worse, he found living there more and more unbearable--it was a trigger for him. eventually he decided that it took such a toll on him, he had to leave the city for his own mental health. too ashamed to admit he was leaving, he instead quietly snuck out at night without even a word to the family he loved, leaving a devastated PTSD-wracked father and his sobbing child behind. he became zoey’s pokémon years later to make amends, and even though he was forgiven by both parties, he still feels like his behavior shows that he doesn’t deserve to be beta.

4. ESPEON

this cat was low on the ranking of felines as an eevee, having formerly been one of zoey’s weakest pokémon. but a while after she evolved, she and zoey learned a technique straight from chinese meditative practices that made her toweringly OP: the calm mind god technique, which you can read about here and here. subsequently believing herself capable of defeating any opponent, she developed a god copmlex and challenged glameow for supremacy over the group. when glameow defeated her, she was forced to accept it…for the time being. she’s biding her time, watching for weaknesses, waiting for the right moment to claim what she thinks is rightfully hers. truth be told, however, she’d be a piss-poor leader: she thinks that the others are inherently beneath her, which rankles with her teammates’ feline pride--no alpha cat ever lasted long who had that attitude, because cats--unlike dogs--simply won’t put up with it.

5. PYROAR

born blind and seemingly without a hope of making it in battle, zoey’s half-vaporeon hybrid pyroar quickly rose up the ranks to become one of her most successful pokémon. he’s like a water-type toph, capable of sensing movements through sent and air or water currents. he used to take fifth spot, but with a series of recent wins he outpaced froslass in terms of his success rate, allowing him to advance up the ladder. he’s complacent with where he is right now, and has no intention of challenging for dominance--he feels like he’s earned a high rank through his strength and prowess, but feels that taking a spot from mismagius or glameow would be overstepping his bounds.

6. LEAFEON

though one would think that she’d outrank pyroar due to her seniority compared with him, leafeon is actually content to be where she is right now. she’s in a friendly competition with pyroar to see who can score the most wins, but if she loses, it’s no skin off her back. really, being the dominant cat on the block was never a priority to her; she’s just content to lay in the sun and photosynthesize. and yeah, sometimes she has to yield her spot to a higher-ranking cat, but when that happens she just shrugs and moves elsewhere.

7. FROSLASS

the ghost sister of zoey’s glameow, froslass is eternally bitter that her sibling lived while she died--and she’s also eternally bitter about her place in the pecking order in general. she believes she deserves to be beta, even alpha, even though her win record compared with those of the cats above her says otherwise.

her low ranking also has to do with her personality. she’s literally had beef with every single other cat on this list; if she challenged for dominance, at least one of them would back up the cat she challenges. she constantly guilt-trips zoey and glameow for attention, and if glameow leaves her alone for even a MOMENT when she’s needy froslass tells her that she isn’t being a good sister. she’s said that leafeon is the weakest one among them and should be at the bottom, and to the shock and horror of all those who love leafeon, has attacked her for the sake of beating her up. hell, she even pissed off klefki, who never fights with anybody. the last straw came when she insulted mismagius’ record as a war hero, saying that anyone who fought and died for a human cause was nothing but a fool who deserved to get shot. this opinion would actually be popular among many cats if you look in the right places--but this is not so among zoey’s cats, as they were raised by someone from a military family.

even though froslass thinks she deserves to be beta, no cat will follow a leader that they think is unjust. unless she changes her behavior, she’s pretty much shot her chances.

8. KLEFKI

by all accounts, they shouldn’t be here. when they use the calm mind god technique, their strength actually exceeds espeon’s due to the fact that they aren’t corporeal, rather a disembodied spirit of a sylveon that zoey trapped in a set of keys. however, like leafeon, klefki is incredibly laid-back and doesn’t give a fucking shit about who is top cat. all they care about is constantly honing their ability to play pranks on zoey, and perhaps someday find a clever excuse to leave her leadership.

9. PERSIAN

this newcomer to the squad could probably claw her way up the ranks in no time due to her aggressiveness and ambition, but like all newcomers to any clowder, she starts at the very bottom. try telling that to her, though. she doesn’t know the meaning of “know your place,” and when she tries to boss around the higher-ranking cats she gets all pissy when they don’t obey. she lacks nothing in terms of power, but she has yet to figure out that advancing oneself in a clowder depends on one’s personality as well. cats are stereotyped by humans (and dogs) to be assholes, but the truth is, cats have a zero tolerance policy of assholish behavior among their own kind and anyone who exhibits it is roundly punished. it’s a lesson that zoey and her pokémon are all too willing to teach.

#headcanon. || ZOEY

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