#this is inspired on delicate by taylor swift because i felt like it was perfect for the situation

[swallowedbymadness]

❅ no sound, it’s all around ❅

Pairing: Seongwha x chubby!fem!reader

Genre: that good romantic smut that makes angels cry

Summary: No power, no heat, and you’re stuck inside during a blizzard. You definitely didn’t expect things between you and Seonghwa to heat up as quickly as they had that night.

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: Surpriseeee! Two fics in one week? Who is she. I have returned with another sexy love makin’ fic for your peepers. I present the prince himself, Park Seonghwa in all his glory. This one is very special to me. I was going to wait until Sunday to post it, but I was just too impatient to wait. So, you get it now as a little treat from me to you lovely babes. Listen to “Snow on the Beach” by Taylor Swift & Lana Del Rey for THEEEE VIBES. This fic is heavily inspired by it, aka I wrote this with it on repeat 💀 18+ content, so please, minors DNI. Enjoy! 🤍

Warnings: soft dom!Hwa, allllll the praise, a sprinkle of breath play, oral sex (f receiving), unprotected sex, cream pie, squirting.

Proofread: Yes! Thank you to the phenomenal @babesindestroyland for reading over this for me. You know the drill. If you see a mistake, no you don’t. 😇

White. It’s a color that represents purity, innocence, and perfection. You were surrounded by various shades of the color that night. The alabaster walls glowed and the silk sheets shimmered beneath the candlelight, while snow was silently beginning to stick to the bedroom window from the blizzard outside. The scene painted before you was simply picturesque as you both stood bare in front of one another, the shadows dancing across your bodies as your eyes spoke every confession of love that your tongues could not.

You weren’t sure how you and Seonghwa ended up here. Everything before this moment was now a blur. It was just the two of you, a quiet blizzard outside and your head was dizzy from the strawberries and champagne he had brought over just before the worst of the storm hit. The power had gone out not too long ago, the air within his apartment chilling slightly but not unbearable due to the fireplace burning brightly in the living room. You remember him feeding you a strawberry on the floor in front of the fire, the bubbles fizzing in your champagne flutes. You remember his eyes staring intently at your lips as they wrapped around the base of the summer fruit and how a bit of the rosy juice dripped down your chin. You weren’t embarrassed, but only because you saw his eyes watch it drip slowly down your skin before he took his thumb and wiped it off. You remember feeling a familiar flutter in your stomach as he popped his thumb in his mouth, humming to reassure you it was just as delicious coming off of you. You remember Seonghwa murmuring something before leaning in and connecting your mouths in a delicate kiss, his finger gently gripping your chin. You remember how his tongue tasted sweet like the champagne that glimmered in the firelight.

“It tastes better on your tongue,” he whispered into your ear, your earlobe soon being sucked between his teeth as he lightly nibbled on the cartilage. You remember sighing out loud and feeling the flush creeping onto your face when you heard him chuckle under his breath against your ear. “I wonder if you taste just as sweet.” You remember his lips moving down to your neck, nipping at the sensitive skin every now and then to hear the small whimpers leave your mouth as you felt the dampness of your arousal begin. His hand ran softly up your thigh, the floral dress you wore that evening giving him ample room to feel every part of you he wanted.

You remember tilting your head back as he placed sloppy open mouthed kisses against your throat, his hand ghosting over the area once he let go of your chin. You remember grabbing his face and allowing your tongue to slip into his mouth as you shared intimate kisses for awhile next to the warmth of the fire. You remember him breaking apart from you and standing up, his hand held out for you to take so he could pull you up. He never let go of your hand as he silently walked you into the Parisian inspired bedroom, and stood you in front of him at the foot of the king sized bed.

Now here you were with his hands falling to your shoulders, his fingers dipping underneath and encouraging the dainty fabric to fall from your body. You found yourself reaching over next to unbutton his crisp cotton shirt, his tan skin glowing in the candlelight. The pressed clothing fell to the carpeted floor, and eventually you did this until both of you were shed of everything. You remember his eyes, and if a man could get drunk off of sight alone, he would be so far gone. Everything about you made his heart pound aggressively within his rib cage. He let his fingers follow the curves of your body, feather light touches as he grazed the silky skin. You stood before one another for what seemed like an eternity to allow eachother to memorize every part of your bodies in the most vulnerable state they could be in.

“Hwa…” your voice came out no more than a whisper, your throat feeling like it was closing as you felt his eyes burn holes into your face.

“Yes,” it was more of an answer than a question, and you couldn’t recall what you wanted to say in that moment, because he didn’t give you time to think. He stepped toward you and had his hands roamining your body as his eyes never left yours.

“You’re beautiful,” your fingers were soon carding through his inky hair as you pushed it out of his eyes. “I don’t understand.”

“What don’t you understand?” His expression remained neutral as he tried to figure out your feelings in the current moment.

“All of this. You wanting me, us standing here together as we are now...it seems impossible.” You allow the words to fall from your tongue, heart beating wildly beneath your breast. His eyes crinkled as his beaming grin lit up the whole room.

“And why is that?” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear, his eyes radiating the utmost fondness for you as you looked up at him.

“Seonghwa. Look at you. You’re like an angel, and I’m-” your eyes drifted to the floor between you two, insecurities from your past flooding into your thoughts. He was quick to bring you right back up to the surface to him, not allowing you to drown in that right now, not ever again.

“Weird,” your eyes narrowed, his teasing nature making your heart dance, and he released a breathy laugh. “But fuckin’ beautiful.” His lips were back on your neck, peppering kisses all the way to your chin before his lips hovered above yours. “So fuckin’ beautiful,” he breathed against your mouth, not wasting any time before he pulled your body against his and pressed his lips to yours feverently. He leaned you back against the milky silk sheets beneath you, goosebumps forming all over you as the cold fabric met your skin. His mouth was instantly back on you, his tongue mapping out a wet trail as he kissed down your collarbone to your shoulder, then down to your plump breast, his tongue drawing a circle around your nipple. He took the hardening bud into his mouth and gently sucked, eliciting a soft moan from you. You watched as his member began to swell and grow an angry shade of red as precum leaked from the tip. His mouth glided across your breast to give the same treatment to the other one, the warmth beginning to bloom in your core as you watched a string of precum stick to his stomach. He kissed his way past your navel and down to your core. Not wasting any time, he began his ministrations, his tongue causing waves of pleasure to move through your whole body, his hands griping your thighs as his nails dug into the plump flesh.

“You taste so divine,” he growled as he gave your clit kitten licks before running the entirety of his tongue between your folds and dipping it into your pussy. He hummed when he tasted you on him, your arousal driving him wild. He looked up at you from under his lashes, pressing rushed wet kisses to your sopping pussy. “Like angelic nectar straight from the heavens.” He pushed his tongue back into you, his fingers abusing your clit before his mouth went to work you up again. Whines poured from your mouth, your hand grabbing a fistful of his midnight hair. You began to grind yourself against his face, his nose rubbing your clit deliciously. “Angels wish they could taste you on their lips. But you’re mine,” he lifted himself up and on top of you, positioning himself at your entrance that ached to be full of Seonghwa. As if sharing the same thought as you, he slowly pushed his swollen member between your throbbing walls. A gasp fell from both of you, the fit filling you up wholly, completely. A feeling you didn’t think would send this much emotion rushing through you, igniting your blood and setting it on fire, brighter than the embers that sparked from the logs in the fireplace just outside of the bedroom walls.

“Oh, Hwa” you sighed as his hips began to push into yours, quick and sharp so he could feel you as much as possible. You lifted your leg and he hooked it around his hip to get deeper inside of you. When he felt the tell tale signs of you approaching your end, he was quick to pull out and flip you over onto your stomach. He came back over you and laid on top of you lightly, pushing himself back inside of you tentatively. You felt his hot breath against the shell of your ear, little grunts and moans hidden under them filled your head and made you dizzy. You felt his lips on the back of your neck, as his member slid in and out of you with intent.

“No mortal is worthy of you,” He spoke lowly as he wrapped his hand around your throat gently and squeezed lightly. “My goddess divine.” Spots danced in your vision as he took your breath away, your pussy no doubtedly coating his dick with your slick at the slight pressure. “You are ethereal.” He praised into your skin, his moans mixing with yours as he took his time thrusting in and out of your plush walls. He savored every second of it, like he was experiencing something so spiritual. “Scream my name to the gods so they know who your most devoted disciple is.” His thrust began to get sloppy and harder as he saw the little bit of spit dribble from the side of your mouth. “Tell them who.” He said through gritted teeth, sweat falling from his brow as he lost himself to the pleasure that was you. “I want you to see the very stars you fell from as you cum for me.” His hands were soon smacking down on both of your ass cheeks, gripping at the plump flesh, his eyes widening at how they jiggled underneath his sweaty palms.

“You Seonghwa, only you!” You shouted, your knuckles white as you gripped the slippery sheets, inaudible ramblings falling from your lips as his dick slammed into your g-spot. “Fuck! Hwa,” you screamed into the mattress as he fucked you right into it, plump tears staining your cheeks. You felt the build up in your core finally explode, the sheets soaking up your fluids as they poured out from the depths of your walls and coating his dick even more. That sent Seonghwa into a frenzy, his cock twitching as he felt himself unravel above you.

“Oh angel, I’m cumming, I’m cumming, I’m-” You felt him spill into you as his pace slowed, allowing your rigid walls to pull his orgasm from him. He collapsed next to you, his flesh sticky and chest heaving as he stared up at the ceiling. You rested your cheek on your forearm as you looked at him, adoration the only thing present in your irises currently. You placed a hand above his heart, the organ rattling under your palm.

“How long?” You questioned, not needed to say more for him to know what you were asking.

“When I saw your eyes shine like starlight under the first full moon of the summer. We were walking along the beach, nothing but the sound of waves crashing against the sand under our feet. You had a sparkler in your hand, skipping around like it was the greatest thing you’ve ever seen. When you looked at me, the grandest smile adorning your face…that was when I realized.” You felt the strings holding your heart in place snap as it fell to the pit of your stomach.

“You’ve felt this way for that long? Why didn’t you tell me?” A part of you felt upset that you’d gone that long without a confession being made. If only he had told you sooner…you couldn’t help feel like so much time had been wasted not together.

“I didn’t realize you felt the same way.” He stated simply. You groaned, hiding your face in your arm.

“How did you find out?” You peeked one eye above your arm, looking at him curiously. He stared at you from the corner of his eye for a moment, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He felt his heart melting at the sight of you. Ruined, but still glowing ever so radiantly. All because of him.

“Because,” he pulled you to his chest finally, a content sigh leaving him once the weight of you rested on him comfortably. “I saw the same fondness in your eyes that I knew I had in mine whenever I looked at you.” You didn’t dare question it, because you would never admit that you felt the same way for just as long as him. You knew in your heart exactly when you fell for Park Seonghwa.

He was nothing but a mysterious blur at first, but when your eyes came into focus and saw him for the very first time, it was like an angel descended from heaven that very night. The glow of the Christmas lights illuminated his soft features, his blinding smile enraptured you. The moment he said hello to you, you willingly handed your heart over to him. Little did he know, he’s had it in his hands this entire time.

“So, you love me?” He chuckled under his breath at the question, but he silently nodded.

“I am absolutely captivated by you.” He traced invisible patterns into your back, his eyes drooping shut as his voice became thick with exhaustion. “Always have been. And I always will be.” He pressed a delicate kiss to your hairline before falling gracefully into unconsciousness, his chest beginning to rise and fall at a steady pace. You laid there and watched as the snow fell silently outside. As each flake swirled in the midnight air, you reveled in the fact that your love for one another was like the frozen crystals that danced with one another.

It came down, no sound, and it was all around.

[pilotispunk]

high infidelity (frankie morales x f! reader)

Masterlist | Ko-Fi

Summary: inspired by “high infidelity” by Taylor Swift. When you and Frankie Morales meet you have an immediate bond that seems too good to be true and you begin to see him behind your boyfriend’s back. What happens when Frankie gives you an ultimatum and you realize your feelings are even deeper than imagined?

Rating: 18+ explicit

Content: explicit smut, drug use, infidelity, fingering, handjob, cowgirl, p in v sex, dirty talk, tender smut

Word Count: 2.1K

Thank you so much to @heythere-mel for reading and always being the best hype woman!!! I hope you all enjoy!!

High infidelity

Put on your records and regret me

I bent the truth too far tonight

I was dancing around, dancing around it

Frankie’s solitude was always in the music for as long as he could remember. Where words failed him, music spoke. His favorite place to escape since he could remember was the record store. From when his parents would fight and the sounds would still reverberate in his brain to the echoes of a failed marriage lingering in the corners of his mind. From places he was deployed to during the Army when he had an off moment. Drawn to that escapism, he found solace in the bittersweet melodies of vinyl records.

He should’ve known that’s how he would meet you. It was almost too perfect and such a played out cliche. The two of you grabbing for the same Rush album, conversations going from music to life to the two of you going out for coffee afterwards.

When he brought you back to your car and he leaned his broad body against you, you knew you should’ve said something earlier. It wasn’t right to keep your secret but there was some sort of undeniable pull towards Frankie that quite frankly you weren’t sure if you had ever felt with anyone.

“I have a boyfriend.” You whispered, knowing that this little game was over. Your words hung in the air for a moment, Frankie’s eyes never leaving your face. In that quick moment he decided to close the distance between the both of you and throw caution into the wind. It was a kiss filled with both tenderness and audacity, a choice made despite the potential heartache that awaited you both.

—---------------------------------------

One afternoon, under the sun's gentle embrace, you and Frankie found yourselves entwined in your usual secret sanctuary–a hidden nook within Frankie's cozy apartment. The room was adorned with shelves of records, each bearing the memories of a lifetime, and the air was thick with the earthy scent of marijuana.

You sat cross-legged on the floor, surrounded by a scattering of albums. As Frankie delicately placed the needle on a worn vinyl, the room filled with the melodic strains of Stevie Wonder’s “You Are the Sunshine of My Life”.

“Timeless.” You grinned as he positioned himself next to you again, your legs untwining to stretch into their usual position sprawled his lap, tendrils of smoke dancing between the two of you.

Frankie took a long drag from the joint, his eyes fixed on your delicate features. He didn’t mind that you two never met out in public; it gave you both a space to truly be yourselves without fear. So that he could stare as long as he wanted at you without judgment and you could freely entwine his dark curls in your fingers.

As the smoke swirled around the both of you, there was an awkward beat. You stood him up during your last meeting but only because your boyfriend was getting suspicious. There are only so many times you can go out with friends before he intertwines the lies together, and since he was watching you like a hawk, there was no time to text Frankie.

You knew what was happening was wrong. You always swore you would never be the person who did this, but then things got so complicated. Everything was bleeding and blurring through the lines and that part of your brain that you thought you could turn off would immediately trail back to Frankie.

He looked at you and finally asked. “What the hell happened on April 29th? You went AWOL on me.” Trying to sound as casual as possible.

“Do you really want to know where I was?” You asked him, taking another drag of the joint.

“No.” He quickly answered.

“I’m sorry I fucked up. I should’ve sent you a message or something but Evan was all over me and I didn’t wanna make it weird y’know?” You played with the nape of his hair, a move you’d done before trying to soothe the blow on bad news. Unfortunately, Frankie was running out of bad news to excuse you for.

“I’m in love with you.” Frankie looked at you, his eyes a mix of frustration, disappointment and longing. You let the news hang in the air for a moment before he continued, taking the joint out of your hand as if he’d said something as casual as what the weather was that day.

“I’m sorry to spring this on you now but it’s just the way I feel. Understand where I’m coming from. You gotta make a decision soon, baby, or I’m out.”

It wasn’t until he wiped a tear from your face did you realize you had started to cry. You blinked your eyes a few times, feeling the weight of every breath.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered. “I’m in a tight spot and I’m running out of excuses–”

“I know you are and I know it’s hard but I just can’t keep waiting. I deserve more than being the side guy in some fucked up love triangle.”

You’d been so busy trying to make sure both sides don’t intersect that you didn’t realize that this is what it had turned into. You’d made Frankie the side guy from your own selfish, fickle decisions.

“You do. Frankie, I never wanted to hurt you or him or for any of this to happen. I need to figure this out, but don’t think this isn’t tearing me apart too..” You press the joint into his ashtray, suddenly not in the mood for smoking.

“I want you to take the time you need but I’m not gonna wait forever. We both deserve clarity and happiness, even if it means going our separate ways.” Frankie said. No high could prepare you for the idea of separate ways without Frankie.

“That’s the thing, though. I can’t imagine my life without you.” You said through tears.

Despite everything in him wishing he could stand tall and keep his ground, Frankie felt his heart skip like a child. A mix of joy and surprise spread across his face. Overwhelmed with those feelings, he leaned into you capturing your lips in a passionate kiss.

You felt the unspoken longing between the two of you that had been building, building and building. You pressed his body against his, igniting a fire in him that was burning brighter with each passing second.

The kiss deepened into desperate, hungry kisses and you felt Frankie’s tongue thrust into your mouth as his hands dug into your hair. You both lay back against the couch, your tongues intertwined.

You moved on top of him. You rocked your hips against his, hands buried into his curls as you bit at his sultry bottom lip. You wasted no time and grasped the hardness between his legs.

“I need these off Frankie.” You begged. “Please.”

“Anything for you, baby.” Frankie had a surprising talent for taking off his pants with virtually no struggle, he threw them across the room and grabbed your waist to bring you on top of him again. He pressed upwards into you, finding a steady rhythm as his hardness under the cloth of his underwear soothed the ache you had for him. He moved his fingers lower, under your dress and he felt the bare skin where underwear should’ve been. He let out a groan, his fingers slowly rubbing your clit.

When he finally entered his fingers inside of you, he was gentle yet firm. His fingers slowly exploring you, capturing every moment of how you feel and your wetness as if it was going to be the last time.

He applied more pressure into you, getting into a rhythm that built you up as you came hard on his fingers, rocking your hips until it soothed the ache between your legs.

You reached down and began to stroke him, your hand expertly working its way up and down his shaft.

Before you could go any further he held his hand at yours to stop you, reaching for a condom from his jeans pocket.

You settled yourself into position on top of him as his broad body stretched out to grab the condom. You took it from him, ripping the plastic and rolling the latex onto him. Instinctively, he grabbed your hips and pulled you down onto him.

Your breath hitched for a moment, guiding him into you with slow, shallow strokes. Each thrust was deeper until he bottomed out, your back involuntarily arching as he began to plant kisses on your breasts.

Frankie was always in awe that no matter how much the two of you could fuck you were always just so damn tight. He needed that moment to think about anything else so he wouldn’t cum into you right then and there.

You started to rock your hips at a steady rhythm, matching his thrusts. He reached up and grabbed the back of your head, pushing you down towards him, his tongue thrusting into your mouth as if to stake his claim on you right then and there.

Your lips grazed everywhere you could on his face. The lids of his deep brown eyes that enter your mind when you’re brushing your teeth; his curved, strong nose that your mind wanders to when you’re walking through the grocery store; the patches in his beard that you count at night to help you get to sleep.

You were always taught that absence made the heart grow fonder, you never thought about Evan when he was away. But the fact that you could miss Frankie even when he was right under you was a terrifying feeling.

“Harder. Please.” You begged. “I just wanna feel you even when you’re gone.”

He thrust harder into you, your body starting to bounce off of him as you felt yourself tighten around him. His hands grip your ass as you begin to roll into him to soothe your ache, your pelvis digging into his soft stomach.

As you ride him with near pornographic moans coming out of your body, he still only had one thing on his mind.

“Tell me what you said again.” Frankie huffed out, his large hands spreading your ass.

“I cannot – imagine my world without you, Frankie. Nobody can make me feel the way you do. Nobody can make me cum the way you do.”

“Fuck.” He feels his cock start to twitch. “You drive me fucking crazy, amorcita.”

“Tell me again.” You started to move your hips in slow circles, countering Frankie’s deep thrusts into you.

He grabs you by your chin so you’re facing him. You look into his eyes and their blown with lust but also have a passion in them you’ve never seen out of Frankie.

“I love you. Mi amor.” He kisses you, softly. “Mi reina. Mi luz. I’m yours. I’m yours.”

As Frankie’s cock hits a spot deep inside of you, you come hard on his cock, writhing above him and letting out moans Frankie thinks sound better than any vinyl record could.

Frankie spills into you not long after you’ve finished, letting out a deep, guttural moan as he grips you tightly. He stayed inside of you for a few more moments, savoring the feeling of your tight walls gripping around him, the mix of marijuana and your hair.

He slowly pulled away from you, you wincing as he left from inside, and settled you on the couch. He sat up to take the condom off and disappeared into the other room. He came back with a washcloth, just the right amount of warmth between your legs as he washed you.

He left and came back again, this time trading the towel for a large blanket. He covered you while he picked up the abandoned joint to light it back up, positioning it to your lips as he lit it for you.

As if it was divine timing, the electric keyboards of “You Are the Sunshine of My Life” filled the room once again, the record starting itself over.

Frankie settled himself under the blanket with you, his arms around you as you felt the heat of his broad chest. You traced your fingers along his sternum using the same dexterity, as if it were the grooves of the vinyl still playing in the background.

He took the joint from you, taking a hit and humming softly in the background to the song.

You are the sunshine of my life

That's why I'll always be around

You met his eyes in the smoke filled haze, him greeting you with a warm smile as if your pre-sex conversation wasn’t putting a fork in the road of your relationship. The pit of your stomach started to hurt with intensity. This is what it’s supposed to feel like. Your decision is clear.

You’ll figure out the messy in-between later. You’re too high, too blissed out, too sexed out. For now, you nuzzled into his chest, quietly whispering three words so gingerly, you weren’t sure if he could hear you.

You felt his breath hitch and his arms grip you tighter. Whatever was about to happen, Frankie wouldn’t dare to leave.

[dixonlvr-online]

Delicate

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader

Warnings: Pining! Swear words! Teasing!

Genre: Fluff

Challenge: Shake and shiver / Movie marathon @flufftober / "Check that again, are you sure?"

A/N: As you may have gathered from the title, this fic was inspired by Delicate by Taylor Swift

“Yer an asshole,” Daryl groaned, lightly shoving you. You laughed, leaning into him.

“Just speaking facts, baby,” you teased, loving the light blush that spread across his cheeks. He rolled his eyes, turning away to hide his embarrassment, but you just grinned.

It was easy with him. On the off days, when no one needed you to go on supply runs or stand watch in the guard tower. You and Daryl would somehow always find each other and spend the day sitting around, talking and making each other laugh. Today was one of those days, evident by your relaxed positions on the couch, watching a shitty old movie.

“I’m jus’ sayin’, why perform some stupid song when she clearly ain’t interested? Take yer damn dignity and quit already,” Daryl said. You turned to him, mouth gaping.

“How are you still arguing this? Clearly, he likes her, for real, and that’s why he’s going all out for her. You want me to call you jealous again?” you shot back. Daryl rolled his eyes.

“I said I ain’t jealous. Ain’t no way you’d catch me pullin’ that high school shit for nobody, and it ain’t because I’m not capable of it,” he said. You smiled, watching his expression. He was refusing to meet your eyes, focusing on the screen, but you knew he felt the new tension in the air.

The two of you weren’t together, technically, but you’d known each other for so long, been close most of that time, and it only made sense for you to advance your relationship. Now that you were safe in Alexandria, it seemed like the perfect time. But still, it felt too soon to jeopardize your friendship.

“Whatever. I think you’re full of shit,” you said. Daryl snorted, ignoring your comment and placing an arm around your shoulders. You leaned in, attempting to conceal your small smile.

Sometimes when I look into your eyes

I pretend you’re mine, all the damn time

It was easy to pretend, here, that you weren’t just two survivors who’d happened to strike up a friendship on the road. That you were together, in another life, another time, when you could be just that: together.

Daryl unconsciously pulled you closer, resting his chin on your chin. You let him hold you, watching the screen, but you couldn’t stop thinking about him. Why hadn’t he made a real move yet? Why hadn’t you?

You took a deep breath and grabbed the remote, pausing the movie. Daryl sent you a questioning look. You took another breath and met his eyes.

“Daryl, what are we?” you asked. He straightened up fast, averting his eyes. You lowered your face, trying to get him to look at you.

“I mean, we flirt all the time. We spent full days together. I want to know what you think this is,” you said. Daryl finally held your gaze.

“I dunno,” he muttered. “What do you think it is?” You blushed, turning away before he could see. You knew what you thought it was, but you weren’t sure you wanted to throw your friendship away by announcing it. What if he didn’t feel the same?

“I don’t know,” you said. “It feels like it could be…more, if we wanted it to be.” Daryl’s eyes widened, and you cowered away. This is it, you thought, I just ruined it all. Why did I open my big mouth?

When he opened his mouth to respond, you cut him off.

Is it cool that I said all that?

Is it chill that you’re in my head?

“Forget it. I’m sorry I said anything. Just forget it,” you scrambled, standing up from the couch. Daryl watched you get up, confusion evident in his look. As you moved to grab your things and go, he stood up suddenly.

“Wait, no, don’t,” he pleaded. You paused, waiting for him to continue. You felt his presence behind you, drawing closer.

“I didn’t wanna say nothin’, cause ya know, I thought you might take it wrong, and I’m no good with words so I usually just say nothin’...” he rambled. You turned, placing a hand in front of you to stop him.

“Daryl, what are you trying to say?” you asked. He paused and took a breath.

“I’m tryin’ to say that…I think about ya too. And us. And us bein’ more,” he said. You felt your breath catch in your throat, and his gaze shot up to meet yours. You held each other’s eyes for a long moment, full understanding between you.

You realized it was easy to pretend you were more to him, because you were more. This was a long-time coming. You didn’t waste another moment, pulling his hands into yours.

He took a step closer, hesitant at first, but eyes never leaving you. You leaned in, relishing in how close the two of you were. He sucked in a breath as you got so close your mouths were almost touching.

“Is this too soon? I don’t want to go too fast if you don’t want that,” you whispered. As soon as the words left your mouth, Daryl was pulling your lips against his. All hesitation was out the window now as you grasped onto each other, savoring the moment you’d wanted for so long. He tasted like fire, and you felt the burn throughout your entire body.

You pulled away to gasp for air, head spinning. He leaned his forehead against yours, placing his hands on your hips.

“Nah,” he said, “Don't need no corny song to win me over.” With that, he pulled you back in, and you let yourself fall into him.

Is it too soon to do this yet?

Cause I know that it’s delicate

[starlostseungmin]

the way i loved you, fearless ─── candle on the window sill.

masterlist. playlist.

✰ pairing — non-idol!seungmin x fem!reader (with she/her as pronouns) ft. mentions of day6’s wonpil

✰ genre — exes to lovers, angst, fluff, mutual pining, a little bit of idiots to lovers, a slice of life, semi-college au

✰ warnings — mentions of food, profanity and kissing, not proofread.

✰ word count — 7.01k

✰ songs that was used for inspiration — the way i loved you by taylor swift, here always by kim seungmin, give me your forever by zack tabudlo, love again by baekhyun, and araw-araw (everyday) by ben&ben.

REBLOGGING AND LEAVING A FEEDBACK WOULD BE APPRECIATED.

What was it like to break up with Seungmin? 

It was cold and blue, full of sad smiles and tears that were kept behind throughout the happiest moments you’ve had. Torn and crumpled sheets of paper, wilted flowers, broken glasses scattered on the floor, and a sad song. Voices of arguing people echoes within the apartment until someone decided to move out leaving half of it lies empty. Broken picture frames, one toothbrush in the bathroom, one pair of shoes by the doorsteps, the scent of his perfume remained until it fades. It was filled with madnessーhe was so in love. 

The past relationship was beautiful, falling in love with Seungmin felt like an angel saving you from a tragic fate. Soft as clouds, sweet like candy, beautiful like flowers, it was so good and delicate, one that everyone craves for a relationship. He was perfect for you, the person who never fails to make you smile or make your heart pound like crazy. A sweet voice that sings you to sleep, physical interactions that send butterflies in your stomach, eyes that plead not to make you mad at him for a long time when he did something wrong, a shower of kisses during cuddles, his acts of service that force you to fall into thoughts, what did you do in your past life to deserve someone like him? You were so in love, and so he is. 

It was love at first sight when you met him years ago after your sister got engaged to his brother. You were both in sophomore year in college but attending different universities. They live in the city proper as you were living an hour away. You remember how much he looked that day. Gray hoodie and baby blue jeans, white shoes, and a black backpack, he was running late. His hair was fluffy enough for the wind to play. A gentle voice of apology was heard with his awkward smile, he was so cute with those puppy eyes. One that made your heart race and cheeks turned red. His eyes fell in your direction and gave you a warm smile showing his braces. His brother introduced him to everyone and became very close friends with you. 

Every beating for your heart was for him, yet you thought he only sees you as less than a lover. Every hour was spent with him you’d wish to last. It was one of the great experiences you’ve had and bittersweet memories you wanted to keep. Seungmin was the love of your life, he didn’t know that at first, but even if he’s not aware of how you felt for him, you were just thankful enough to stay by his side. And you know that one day, he will break your heart because you failed to do the right thing, or so you thought. 

It was the way he persuades you to let him take you home even if he gets in his own house late at night. An hour from the city to your address and another hour from your house to the city where he lives in the proper. Your mother loves him as much as how she treats your brother-in-law who happened to be his older brother. A small world that leads you to two to be together. It sparked a friendship that soon turned into a romantic phase when he texted you out of nowhere, at 2 am and it was raining. You couldn’t sleep, thoughts filled with only him. He was standing outside your house, soaking wet in the rain, stole his dad’s car to drive here saying he wanted to see you after days of ditching when in fact he was deliberately contemplating on punching himself in the gut to tell you how much he was in love. 

Kissing in the rain at 2 am telling each other how you felt was like heaven. His lips were delicate and warm, tasted like coffee he drank before to stay awake, his bangs covered his eyes due to the heavy raindrops, hoodies wet but it was warm. The very first kiss you’ve had came so unexpectedly. The blooming love enveloped your life and him becoming your first boyfriend was like a dream. He even learned the guitar and wrote you a song, purposely leave his hoodies when he comes to visit your house, takes you on cafe dates, and help you study, saying I love yous every time he takes you home before he leaves, it was perfect. Everything was. 

The relationship was blessed for both parties and your first anniversary had to be on your sister’s wedding day. Felix, a close friend of yours was talking with you while sharing some cake as Seungmin was with his brother. Ceremonies ended an hour back and it was the time for the bride to toss her bouquet, a silly common tradition, but it was said to however catch it will get married next. 

“Everyone ready?” Says her, turning her back from everyone as the other bridesmaids gather. You weren’t giving a shit, Felix didn’t even mind either, all eyes focused on the cake. “3, 2, 1!” 

“Y/n, the bouquet, the bouquet!” Felix exclaimed which made you panic out of nowhere. The cake was being ignored as your sister tossed it high and far, it landed in your direction as the other girls tried to run for it. Yet, the flowers chose you as they ended up in your hands. 

“What?” You asked, feeling stunned. Seungmin smiled getting shy after his brother teased him about it. Felix was also wriggling his brows because he knew you’d ended up with him for a lifetime. Only a few know, just your families and a few friends. Seungmin loved to keep it private so he held your hand tightly that night when everyone went home. The hall was empty, and you were sitting aimlessly staring at the flowers. He decided to sit beside you, holding your hand before placing a soft kiss on your lips. 

“You look beautiful today,” He said, cheeks turning red from blushing. 

“Thanks,” You smiled. “You look good yourself,” But he just laughed to cover the embarrassment. 

“Can I take a look at the bouquet?” He asked as you handed it to him. 

“What are you going to do with it?” You asked as he took a piece of wrapping paper and rolled it out, twisting them to make a semi-braid. Eyes fixed on it, Seungmin was up to something. He laid the flowers down on the bench. 

“Since you’ve caught the flowers, I have a little negotiation with you,” He said as he stood up from the seat and stood in front of you. 

“Okay, what’s up?” You asked crossing your arms as he suddenly got down on one knee, offering his hand. “Seungmin what are you doing?” Panic surfaced all over your face making you a blushing mess. It was fun to tease you, he loves the way you turn red for him, it’s a way to show his love. 

“It’s our first anniversary, and I’m thinking if we should move in together,” He paused, taking your hand. “A year full of happiness even when he had bumpy roads on the way, it was worth it, and I want to spend more of it with you,” He smiled. “This is not a proposal yet, but I just wanted to make sure, marry me in the future, Y/n,” His eyes stared at yours, it was full of sincerity and commitment, one that you would expect from him but not this early. You love him so much, even if it was just a year, you’d risk everything for him. 

“Yes!” You exclaimed as he slid the wrapping paper ring on your finger, pulling you for a hug. “I love you so much,” 

“I love you too,” He said kissing your forehead. “We didn’t get to spend our anniversary because of the wedding but, happy anniversary baby,” He added before placing his lips on yours, arms wrapped around his neck as his hands on your waist, pulling you closer to deepen the kiss. 

It was a perfect night, even if you were just in your junior year of college, Seungmin was confident to move in with you. After a few months of planning it, both of you hailed for an apartment. Living together meant cuddles now and then, sweet kisses in the morning and passionate ones at night, having to eat together and share everything. A pair of toothbrushes at the sink, two pairs of shoes at the doorsteps, a closet filled with your clothes, four pillows on the bed divided into two, a large white duvet enough to cover you, a back hug when the one is cooking or washing the dishes, you were both happy and contented. 

Moments like taking the bus together at night as you fall asleep on his shoulder, he kisses the crown of your head and cuddles you in his arms after an exhausting day. An amusement park dates where you wear matching headbands and take polaroid pictures with cotton candies in your hands. Running under the rain while holding hands because one forgot to bring the umbrella. Having to play while doing the laundry and blow bubbles to each other for domestic fluff, you couldn’t even ask for more. And even if Seungmin and you don’t like drinking, you both ended up getting drunk in your apartment and making out until it lead your back to meet the mattress as your boyfriend hovered over you. An intimate one. 

But then, it all ended up so quickly. Like a snap of a finger that you can never bring back again, or the fate decides. 

It has been 3 years since you graduated from college, and work has been taking your time to go home to your family. Even received a phone call from your mom telling you to go home, it was your sister’s wedding anniversary too. One that you’d celebrate every year that you were called to come home but you’ve been missing during the past years. A sigh escaped from your lips as you took the window seat inside your old bedroom. You had arrived on a rainy afternoon on a Saturday. Everything changed per se. The trees had grown older, roofs had become a little bit dirty and covered by lichen, street signs had marks and scratches, and electric wires became thicker after being mixed with new ones, it is the aesthetic of your hometown. 

Your suitcase becomes unattended on the floor as you look around. Polaroid pictures of you and Seungmin were still up on the walls. Each frame depicts different heart-melting moments or just simple pictures you took for memories for the years to come and remember. Smiling at the sight, your fingers reached for them to look delicately. Slowly changing the photographs, memories started to flood your mind. A train of heartwarming thoughts and giddiness, it was all about how the way your love blooms and the early days of your relationship. 

You were all reminiscing until it was cut off when you heard a knock on your door, it was your mother. 

“Y/n?” She called as you left the pictures scattered on your bed to open the rectangular frame. 

“What’s up Mom?” You asked. 

“Your sister and Wonpil will come tomorrow morning, they said, Joeun had to go to the dentist today.” She said, “But Seungmin will come over first, he said he’s coming to help with the preparations,” 

“Oh,” You answered as your heart started to beat faster. It’s been quite a while since the last time you saw him. “That’s good, what time will he be here?” 

“I don’t know, it might be this evening,” It was too soon that you didn’t get to prepare yourself. “But please do take a rest first, I know seeing him now after a while ever since your break up must be pressuring,” She chuckled. “Is that okay with you?” 

“Of course Mom, it’s fine, we’re through anyway, no hard feelings,” You said, faking a smile as your mother looked at you with sympathy. 

“I just hope you guys are all well now,” She smiled before patting your shoulder and left. 

Closing the door behind you, the light became dim as a sign it was close to dark. Turning the lights on, you sat down on your bed to pick up the polaroids. You loved Seungmin so much that the break-up didn’t even end up well. It took you a while to stand up back on your feet again trying to move on but for your dear heart’s sake, you were so in love with him. It wasn’t easy to get over someone you truly loved even if the ending part was filled with fights and arguments, things you couldn’t understand. Seungmin tried, you tried, yet you ended up losing each other. But it never hides the fact that you were happy. 

Happiness is found when you open a box of your favorite things, but that wasn’t the case. You found what happiness truly meant because of him. A rainy day that turns into the sunshine when he smiles, a tragedy that takes turn into a happy ending, the black that turns into white, Seungmin has a lot of side effects. A simple gesture turns into a fluttering heart moment. Memories of him are nostalgic. There was never a dull moment with him, you knew he loved you so much.

It was almost dinner time, you here helping to set up the table and Seungmin is almost home. You didn’t know what to do exactly, it’s been two years since the last time you met the break up was a blur, and suddenly, after a fight, everything started to fade, but not how you felt for him. You assumed he found a new one, probably he moved on, no talks, no social media interactions, no meet-ups, it was the pure end. You only hear things from Felix and Jisung, nothing more. A sigh escaped your lips as you heard the doorbell ring. 

“I’ll get it,” Your dad chirped, making his way to the door, and opening it. “Oh, Seungmin it’s you!” 

Your heart started to beat faster, quickly turning to the door and see him. The one you didn’t see in the past two years and the one that you’ve missed so much. His smile was still the same, he didn’t have braces anymore but still, it was cute. Bangs parted on his forehead, a large black coat with a gray hoodie inside and jeans and white shoes, he was holding a bouquet and a food basket. Those flowers reminded you of how he proposed after your sister’s wedding, the paper ring he gave you didn’t last long, but you placed it somewhere where you can carry it wherever you go. But the ring on his finger didn’t show the same love, it was new to your eyes. He must’ve met someone already. 

“It’s been a few months since the last time you’ve visited,” Your father said hugging him. 

“I’m sorry Mr. (y/l/n), work keeps me busy,” Seungmin chuckled as your dad lead him to where you were with your mother. 

“Oh come on, you’re still calling me that? Why can’t you call me dad just like Wonpil, eh?” Your dad responded. 

“I’m getting shy,” He laughed along with your dad. 

He grew taller and became more handsome, his voice still echoes the same and makes you weak. But it hits more differently when he sings. You used to convince him to apply for a music competition when you were in college, despite going to different universities, you knew the trends yet he always refuse and promise to keep his singing voice only to you. Maybe his new lover is enjoying them now. A small smile was formed on your face as you locked eyes with him. Your mother welcomed him with kisses on his cheek as your father placed the flowers and food on the table. 

“Hey,” He said. 

“Hi,” It was awkward, both of you didn’t know what to say. Your parents stared at you for a few seconds, you were just standing there, with nothing to say and nothing to talk about, or so you thought. 

“Since when did you get here?” He asked, taking the flowers off the table. 

“This afternoon,” You said. 

“For you,” He smiled, offering the bouquet. You realized it was the same set where Wonpil got your sister on their wedding day, the one you received after she tossed it around. It was nostalgic that you managed to remember. 

“Thank you,” You said giving a soft smile, and took the flowers from his hands. 

Dinner was served as you ate in silence while your parents kept talking to Seungmin. It’s an awkward family dinner with your ex, but still being entertained with how many questions they were asking him. He is in his third year in law school and at the same time working with his father’s business. You knew he wanted to be a lawyer when he grow up, and he’s invested in his dream now, with only a few more steps to take. It was a good experience to have a Political Science major as a boyfriend. 

They were busy to put attention to you, it felt like Seungmin is being their child while you were left in the ditch but it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Your parents just missed how things were when you were still together and whenever someone mentions your name in between the conversation, it was only a faint smile that you showcase. Seungmin couldn’t help but take glances at you until dinner time was done, he volunteered to wash the dishes as you went inside your room. Your mother was being sneaky as she stood beside him, watching his solemn expression. 

“I always see Y/n as one of the shy kids around and thought she was lonely, but then, you came,” She smiled. “She fell in love at first sight and there was never a day that she doesn’t talk about you,” 

“I didn’t know what you did to her, because she was so in love and I like you so much because she loves you just like your brother, you boys granted my wish to have sons.” She added as Seungmin started to fight the urge to shed a tear. “I was happy that you said you’d marry her one day, but relationships come and go, I know you had your reasons why you decided to end it. Two years felt like forever,” 

Seungmin’s head hung low as he started to rinse them, “I saw the hurt in her eyes when she came home after your break up, I know you loved her too right?” 

Seungmin nodded, “So much,” 

“You just need to talk it out, it seems like you didn’t get the closure you needed,” 

“Mrs. (y/l/n) Iー,” Seungmin said as he was cut off when the electricity went off. 

“Damn, it’s at it again, stupid electrical company!” Your dad exclaimed, taking his phone for a flashlight. 

“Take the flashlight to Y/n’s room, yes?” Your mother added, giving him the spare flashlight she hid in the cupboards. Seungmin was done washing the dishes as he bowed to your mother and left. 

The lights are turned off gently, the moon shines outside as you opened the curtains. It wasn’t as bright as the way you saw it from the city but it was still beautiful giving a hint of light. You found a match on one of your drawers and an old candle you used to light up when the power is off. Sitting on your window seat, you placed the candle on the window sill scratching the match on the box before letting the rope burn into a small flame. It became quiet afterward, but then, it was another knock on the door. 

“It’s open!” You said as Seungmin entered with a flashlight. 

“Hey,” He said. “Uhm, your mother asked me to hand you this,” He added, handing the small flashlight. 

“Thanks, we don’t have emergency lights here,” You smiled, taking it from his hand. 

“May I sit down with you?” He asked as you gave him a nod and moved a bit to give him the space. “Your room is still the same,” 

“Yeah, I barely come here, I didn’t bother to make changes,” You sigh, letting the flashlight roll on the seat. Seungmin nodded as a response when he saw the polaroids lying on your bed, his hands reached out for them and move closer to the light to reminisce. 

“You still have these?” He asked earning your attention, when you snatched them away from his hands. 

“I was going to hide them,” You answered with an awkward laugh and placed them on the drawers beside your bed. Seungmin was stunned, he hoped for something else. “So uhm, how are you? I haven’t seen you in a while,” You smiled, shifting to another topic. 

“I’m good, I’ve been busy for a quite while, and you?” He asked. 

“Same sentiment,” You said as Seungmin nodded as a response. Another awkward silence again, he played with his fingers as you stared outside. His eyes suddenly fell on your hands looking for the paper ring he slid inside years ago but he scoffed mentally, it must’ve broken through the oldness of time. “Are you dating again?” You asked out of nowhere. 

“What makes you think I do?” He asked as you pointed his ring using your lips. “Oh,” 

“That’s great, I’m happy for you,” You smiled, but deep inside you were still hurting. 

“Thanks,” He smiled softly. “So uhm, when are you going back to the city?” 

You felt a pang on your chest, your instincts were right. It was stupid enough when he found someone else and you’re still into him. You just want to vanish into thin air and never show up yourself again. It feels like your world crashed with a meteor, the second time. The first time was your break up and now Seungmin is happy being with someone. Moving on was hard, loving him for years now made it difficult to let go. Maybe he forgot about you real quick, and you’ve been blaming yourself for why it all ended. 

“Probably on Monday morning,” You said hugging your knees closer to your chest. “I heard you’re leaving tomorrow evening?” 

“Yeah, I still have law school on Monday as well, it’s better to leave early, they’re kind of strict about tardiness.” He chuckled. 

“You’ve been working so hard ever since we were in college,” You smiled. “It must’ve been so good being closer to your dreams now, I know you’ll ace the exam after you graduate,” 

“Thanks, I hope you’re doing good with our routines,” He said. This conversation is killing you. Just an awkward exchange of words to check on each other but not about the break-up. But the thought of it might make him uncomfortable. Seungmin looked at you again as you were staring back at the scenery outside, unable to give eye contact. It might resort to crying if you see his face. “Y/n,” He called. 

“Hmm?” You hummed turning to look at him. 

“About what happened to us, I’m still sorry about it, I never get the chance to talk to you,” He said, expression softened and turned a bit gloomy. 

“It wasn’t your fault, I was stupid that it lead us to break our relationship, let’s not talk about it, I don’t want you to worry about us anymore,” You smiled trying to hide the pain. “Besides, you’re happy with someone else, I bet you’re already engaged with them. Seeing the ring reminds me how you’d want to marry them for reassurance,” 

“I’m not engaged,” He said. 

“Then, married?” You asked as he chuckled in response. 

“I was sure you’d be the one I marry,” He spoke, looking directly into your eyes as you were caught off guard. “But I’m not sure how things will turn out right now, I was hurt when we broke up, I blamed myself tooーI also had a hard time trying to forget you,” He chuckles lightly. 

“You were so good to me that you did nothing wrong, I was the one to blame so don’t beat yourself about it…” You said trying to hold back the tears. “I loved you so much that I want to stop myself from hurting you,” 

It was that time when things started to get heated up by emotions, broken promises were held captive by the lack of time. You were both busy, Seungmin had a hectic schedule in law school and his dad’s business as you work on being an immigration consultant. He comes home late at night while you were left to do paperwork. Both are pressured by your jobs, no cuddles spent mostly, and only go to sleep because of exhaustion. Sometimes being driven by house responsibilities and emotional breakdowns. Seungmin tried to be a good boyfriend to you, but he grew tired. 

Kissing your forehead after a rough day, you fall asleep in his arms as he kept his mouth shut about what happened to his day. He didn’t want to worry you as he promised to take you first before himself. You were the only one who kept him strong to hold off every pressure he’d been through. But it’s not every time he could hold in it, until one day, his bubble popped out with a loud sound. All because of a misunderstanding. 

“Y/n, fuck, can you please stop complaining for once? I’m trying to work!” He snapped. You were too exhausted that day, your boss was getting all riled up because of your job. Seungmin was having a bad day as well, but you never expected him to yell back. 

“How can I not complain about it? I want to quit that agency.” You scoffed as Seungmin sighed, crumpling his papers for giving too much time and revisions. 

“Then quit! All you do is complain anyway. Did you even ask how I am? I always put your first because I don’t want you to get stressed out and now this? I just wanted a peace of mind. I’m trying to do a fucking project!” 

“It’s always that excuse! Do you even understand how I feel?” 

“Fuck it! Now you’re blaming me for not being understanding?” 

You’ve been in a lot of arguments before, but not to the point where everyone was yelling. But ever since Seungmin talked back at you, things started to fall off. It happens at least a few times a week, every night you yell and he gets mad. Broken glasses fall on the floor, stationeries scattered on the table, him sleeping on the couch instead of your bed. Everything was chaos. It was becoming toxic. There were times you’d made up but then another series of arguments. 

“You thought you didn’t do anything wrong in this relationship? Do you always think you were always right? No!” He said. 

“Then why can’t you listen to me? I’ve been trying to keep this thing going with you but you’re messing up my patience!” 

“You too! I’m not a punching bag Y/n, you can’t get all riled up to me when you have a bad day! Stop blaming me as if it’s my fault!” 

“I am not fucking blaming you!” 

“That’s it, I’m done with this conversation. I’m breaking up with you!” 

“You left the apartment after that and move back with your parents,” You said. “I moved out a few days after you did, that place had bad memories,” 

“I’m sorry,” He said as he held your hand. 

“It’s nothing to say sorry about Seungmin, it was my fault,” You added patting his hand before slipping your hand off from the grip. “As I said, don’t beat up yourself about us because it might ruin your current relationship,” 

“I still think of you,” He said, looking at the scenery outside the window. “I always remember how I used to wait outside your school just to take you home even if I arrive late on my own,” He chuckled. “Even forced me to stay, honestly, all I think about was the good things that happened when we were still together, not the bad ones, I just know that I used to be so happy whenever I’m with you.” 

“Likewise, you know that I loved you so much right?” You asked looking at him. 

“I do,” He smiled looking at the candle. “This house of yours fill in a lot of memories before we moved in together, and even if we did have our apartment, it was fun living with you, I just missed those times,” You bit your lip, looking down at your knees. His sentiments were like yours, the nostalgic feeling of your relationship haunts you both. 

“If we didn’t break up, do you think we’re married right now?” You laughed shamelessly as he turned away trying to hide his pink cheeks, but later he realized it was so dim for you to notice it. 

“Maybe,” He said. “And already have a kid,” He laughed as you smacked his arm making him let out a small reaction to pain, rubbing his affected area. It was so good to warm up with you again, but it would feel so great to have you back in his arms. Yet too afraid to hurt you again. 

“I’m glad you’re happy right now Seungmin,” You said. “I wish I am in the same boat as you,” 

“You’re still single?” He asked turning to you. 

“Yeah, I never been able to go on dates after we broke up, too busy,” You said as Seungmin remembered what your mom told him earlier. Should I ask her or not? No, she might say no… Just shut it out Seungmin, he thought. He just nodded at your response and took a deep breath. 

“Can I tell you something?” 

“Go ahead,” 

“Y/n, I stillー,” But Seungmin was cut off when the electricity came back, distracting you from the conversation. 

“Thank goodness, I thought we were sleeping under a hot roof,” You said taking the candle from the window sill and blowing it off. “What are you going to say again?” Seungmin froze in his seat, the timing was wrong, and it would be awkward to pursue. 

“Nothing, I think I need to go now,” He smiled awkwardly as he stood up from the seat. “Keep the flashlight in case the power goes off again,” 

“Sure,” You said, couldn’t help but feel disappointed with the power being back. “Wait, you’re not staying here?” 

“No, I’m sleeping at a hotel, all my things are there but I’ll be back tomorrow morning,” He said. 

“The hotel near the convenience store?” 

“Yeah, and if you want to come by, I’m in room 0325,” He smiled. “Good night Y/n,” 

“Good night…” You answered as he left the room, closing the door behind him. 

Laying on your bed, everything came unexpectedly today. Seungmin himself was the first, reminiscing about your relationship came second and the closure. A closure that just proves you are still highly into him and it will probably make you stay awake for the night. You would see him again tomorrow, that’s for sure but contemplating telling him how you feel might ruin things. A heavy sigh escaped your lips as your eyes fell back to the window, the curtains were still open and the moon decided to hide behind the clouds. It was raining again. 

You closed your eyes as you listened to the sound. The memory of him coming to your house at 2 am saying he wanted to see you flashed back. Rain, wet hoodies, and a stolen car, a passionate kiss was shared. It felt like you just came back to this place to remember everything, from the beginning to the end. Seungmin was all you think about. You missed him so much, two years really did prove that moving on isn’t as easy as falling in love. He has a huge part of it, something that he had devoured the moment you became a couple. 

You sat up again and took the polaroids from the drawer. Each picture depicts your feelings, one with happy smiles, one where he was smiling after pulling a prank on you, another shows your hands forming a heart and the last one was a kiss you had during a date at an amusement park. A tear fell from your eyes, how can I be so stupid to hurt him like that? Why am I still so in love after two fucking years? I want to take him back… you thought. 

His car took off a while ago and the convenience store was only a block away. You tossed the polaroids on your bed and walked out of your room, running downstairs ignoring the voices of your parents. It was raining heavily, you didn’t mind. You just wanted to get into his hotel and tell him everything. A closure wasn’t enough, a simple conversation of how are yous is not going to work. You wanted him back, even if he’s in a relationship with someone else, it’s just Seungmin. The Kim Seungmin you once wasted that you never want to let go of again. 

Several knocks were heard from his door as he was drying his hair after taking a warm shower. White oversized shirt and black shorts. It was his fit to get into bed sometimes. The towel played with his wet hair after taking a beeline towards the entrance, growing impatient with all the knocking as it got louder by the second. A harsh sigh escaped his lips as he peeked through the small hole at the center of his door. He dropped the towel on the side table and opened it. 

“Y/n?” He called as you entered inside, looking at him with desperate eyes. You heard the door close behind you leaving Seungmin confused. “What are you doing here? You’re soaking wet!” He exclaimed as your hands came in contact with his cheeks before crashing your lips on his, causing him to lean on the wall. 

The boy was left dumbfounded as his heart started to beat faster than usual. Your lips felt the same as before, soft and warm, delicate and sweet, except it was desperate enough to make him feel the same. It suddenly drove him crazy, as he pulled you closer to him, not minding how soaked your clothes were and him just getting out of the shower. His hands met your waist as he deepened the kiss, one that became passionate and driven by the longing for each other’s comfort. Eyes were shot, his lips molded with yours as he sucked your bottom before taking them again. Your arms wrapped around his neck making him smile in between. He waited for something like this to happen, he missed it so much. But you pulled away so suddenly. 

“I don't care if you're in a relationship or not, I still love you–” But later you were cut off when he started kissing you again, hands on your cheeks as you held them right in the place. It wasn't as desperate as the first one, his kiss felt like it was longing for someone to come back. Closing your eyes again, tears started to form in them as you kissed him back. It was bittersweet, a gentle kiss that he always does after a fight. His thumb started to caress your cheek when his senses felt your tears. 

“Hmm,” You hummed softly, heavy breaths started to escape as it ended with a peck. He rested his forehead against yours, looking at those sad eyes before kissing the tip of your nose. 

“One more of it, I'm taking you back,” He whispered.  

“Just take me back,” You said looking at him as he gave you a soft kiss on the lips. 

“I still fucking love you, Y/n,” It made you cry burying your face in his chest, as he hugged you tightly. 

“I missed you so much, and I’m sorry for everything that happened between us, I was stupid,” You cried as he pulled away, hands on your cheeks again to wipe your tears with his fingers. 

“Shh, it’s okay, you’re here, I’m here. You’re not going to lose me again okay?” He reassured, leaving a kiss on your forehead as you closed your eyes to feel the warmth of it. 

“Aren’t you married?” You asked, looking at him when he just chuckled in response. 

“No,” He said. “Two years isn’t enough to pursue a new relationship baby, I was waiting for you, hoping that you’re still single, but I understand if it’s not me anymore, after what happened, it’s rare to have the same feelings from the past,” 

“You weren’t giving me any decent answer when I asked you so,” You pouted as he gave you another peck on the lips. 

“As I said, I still love you and you’re not going to lose me the second time, okay?” He answered with a smile. 

“I love you too,” You smiled. 

“I know. Now wash up and change into my clothes, you’re staying with me tonight,” He said before taking a few clothes from his suitcase. “Don’t tell your mother you’re with me,” He winked which made you roll your eyes in a playful way. 

“My parents would probably know I’m here,” You said as he gave you his clothes and a bathrobe. “Thanks,” 

“You’re welcome, now go, so we could cuddle,” He said with puppy eyes as you gave him a peck on the lips before storming inside the bathroom. Seungmin felt his cheeks turn red and the heated kiss made his heart go crazy. He had to drink some water to calm him down but excitement riled up in his body, wanting to take you again in his arms. The sight of you in his clothes made him more flustered, it’s been a while and you still look good in it. A view that he always falls in love with and would never get tired of if you’d use every piece of clothing he owned. “I can confirm that I’m still head over heels to you,” He spoke. 

“How so?” You asked, drying your hair. 

“I’m so down with the sight of you wearing my clothes,” He smirked which made you blush. It is his favorite, a gray oversized shirt on you and his boxers, Seungmin finds you cute every time. “Come here,” 

“I love your clothes,” You cooed, walking towards him as he pulled you into a hug. “But I love you the most,” 

“You’re making my heart go crazy again, stop it,” He laughed as you punched his chest playfully. 

“You made me run here thinking that you’re married and I was so desperate to take you back not minding if you cheat, I just want to have you back,” You said as it made him smile, kissing your lips. 

“Did you hear what I told you earlier?” He asked, sitting on his bed, dragging you onto his lap. 

“About what?” 

“I was sure that you’re the one I’m going to marry? It’s always been you,” He said, taking his ring off his finger. “I bought this a few days after we broke up, the paper ring from the bouquet didn’t last long, it comes with a pair,” He added, leaning towards the nightstand to take a small box. 

“That’s pretty…” You said, feeling the guilt about what happened. 

“I was planning to give you this, but things happened,” He said, showing you the other ring. It had a small rose-gold heart-shaped diamond on a silver circle. “Even if I managed to move on and have a new one in my life, I would never give this to them,” 

“Seungmin,” You called, tears starting to form in your eyes again. 

“This belongs to you Y/n,” He smiled, taking your left hand. “This isn’t a formal proposal but we’ll get there. Are you still up on marrying me?” He added looking at you. 

“Fuck, yes!” You exclaimed, wiping your tears as Seungmin slid the ring on your finger before giving you a prolonged kiss. It was a rollercoaster of emotions that took only a day, and maybe you were sent home to come back to the person who longs for you as much as you longed for him. Seungmin was still foolishly in love as you consider yourself an idiot for hurting him like that. He deserves the same love he gives, he was perfect enough to put yourself at risk of falling in love. And as time passes by, his love never faded. It is still the same as making your heart flutter with a hint of teasing and mostly acts of service. 

“I love you, Y/n,” He whispered in between the kiss. 

“I love you too Seungmin,” You answered, taking his lips again not minding the sound of the rain outside. It was intimate and comforting, one of your love languages with Seungmin’s habit of smiling in between. Maybe it’s one of the courses of action that shows the way you love each other, finding one another back to what you were before. 

“Say, do you want to live with me again?” He asked, staring into your eyes. 

“You know I can’t say no,” You smiled as captured your lips for another quick kiss. 

“I know you so well,” He smirked as you smacked his arm lightly. 

“Ow,” He laughed, giving you a hug as you kissed his forehead before resting your chin on the top of his hair, hugging him tightly. “I’m never going to let you go again this time.” 

REBLOGGING AND LEAVING A FEEDBACK WOULD BE APPRECIATED.

©️ 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐌𝐈𝐍 , 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑.

[hawkinsindiana]

quite a few fellow swifties have been catching onto my references to various songs i have included in my fic. i felt it was finally time to share them all with you and some thoughts i had/why i chose these ones in particular. also because i am psychotic hehe, this list is in chronological order of the romance between the reader and steve.

so here it is: the comprehensive list of taylor swift songs that have inspired almost paradise

first up is delicate. kind of obvious if you ask me but literally… literally how could i not have this one on the list? it’s perfect in every sense of the word. things are tense between them but simultaneously it’s very easy? but it’s also so easy to say too much, let the other know a bit too much before they’re ready to hear it. but they want each other so desperately. they want to be able to say all these things. they can’t stop thinking about each other. there’s anxiety. it’s all about the y e a r n i n g. steve’s trying to get over nancy but he wants you. he needs you. you’ve loved him for months and are forced to wait for him to be ready. but it’s so close you don’t mind. he can take his time.

is it cool that i said all that?

is it too soon to do this yet?

‘cause i know that it’s delicate, isn’t it?

sometimes i wonder when you sleep

are you ever dreaming of me?

sometimes when i look into your eyes

i pretend you’re mine all the damn time

untouchable is up next and i debated whether or not this one should’ve been first in the order but honestly it fits better with two people in a weird limbo state than unrequited love.they’re waiting for the right moment more than anything else; they know they’re wanted by the other, but they’re at the universe’s mercy. this song also gives me sad junior prom vibes so maybe it actually is a bit about unrequited love the more i think on it.

i’m caught up in you

untouchable burning brighter than the sun

and when you’re close, i feel like coming undone

in the middle on the night when i’m in this dream

it’s like a million little stars spelling out your name

you gotta c’mon, c’mon

say that we’ll be together

third is labyrinth but told from steve’s perspective. he was under the impression his life was going to start going downhill after losing nancy, until the realization sets in that it was never her that made him so happy. it was always you. simultaneously, that shit terrifies and comforts him. you care about him so so much — ‘you’d break your back to make me break a smile’. he doesn’t think he’d be able to stop himself from falling for you even if he tried to resist it, which he’s definitely not.

uh oh, i’m falling in love

oh no, i’m falling in love again

oh, i’m falling in love

i thought the plane was going down

how’d you turn it right around?

next up is the archer. you and steve are both pretty good at self sabotage as it’s in your nature, but you’re both desperate to keep each other close. you’ve hurt him and vice versa. they’ve both done things that they wish to forget. they’re always ready for a fight bu tthey wish they weren’t. they wish to be normal. you’re tormented by post traumatic stress and nightmares. steve grows angrier and gentler every day. why would anyone want to stay? steve would stay. you would to.

i’ve been the archer

i’ve been the prey

who could ever leave me darling?

but who could stay?

you could stay

daylight my beloved. i knew this song had to be the overall anthem for part three. part three is about learning to love each other and everything that encompasses, including arguments and really sweet moments. rather than love feeling tumultuous and stressful, it’s fairly easy. once they both fall head first and realize it’s okay to be loved how you deserve, it’s over. there becomes a point where they begin to meet where the other ends and neither can tell anymore who they’d be if not supported by their love. that silly golden feeling never goes away.

i don’t wanna look at anything else now that i saw you

i don’t wanna think of anything else now that i’ve thought of you

i’ve been sleeping so long in a twenty year dark night

and now i see daylight

dress comes next. it’s a pretty clear reference to a friends to lovers situation that ends up being far stronger than either party was expecting. but no one knows. they’re keeping it a secret but are fairly confident this is more than just your ‘average’ relationship. they’ve made a mark on each other that’s never gonna go away. it’d be the worst heartbreak either of them have experienced and it’s only been a handful of months. steve realized his feelings at just the right time or he could’ve lost this chance with you. you’ve absolutely infatuated.

our secret moments, in a crowded room

they got no idea about me and you

there’s an indentation in the shape of you

you made your mark on me, a golden tattoo

CRUEL SUMMER! oh boy it’s time for 80s summer secret relationship deliciousness. i had already started thinking of ideas for season three when this song came out and it sparked something inside me. the summer of ‘85 is filled with the best and worst of times. all you want is to shout across the rooftops that you fucking love this boy. they sneak over to each other’s houses in the middle of the night. you visit steve at scoops after your shifts at the pool. he loves you. god, does he love you. but you can’t tell anyone, although his snarky coworker seems it have it all figured out. there’s only a finite amount of time they have left together before you leave for chicago. everything seems so big and important. then your brother hears a russian code. you’re tortured and forced to kill a soldier in order to escape with your life. your bliss is cut short. turns out the upside down is still a threat looming over you. it’s a cruel summer in every sense. i could go on and on about this song and it’s illusions to the season three forever.

said “i’m fine”, but it wasn’t true

i don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you

and i snuck in through the garden gate

every night that summer just to seal my fate

and i scream for whatever it’s worth

“i love you, ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?”

miss americana and the heartbreak prince fits so well it’s almost insane. steve harrington is the heartbreak prince. the high school setting is also perfect. here is where we start to enter into the territory regarding b*lly and the rumors and lies. suddenly the younger population of hawkins is fascinated with the nature of you and steve’s relationship. steve wants to protect you from what happened to him, but despite his valiant effort it happens anyways. he simultaneously finds himself falling deeper and deeper in love with you; he knows the real you, not the person b*lly tried to turn you into.

it’s you and me, that’s my whole world

they whisper in the hallway, “she’s a bad, bad girl”

the whole school is rolling fake dice

you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes

the next two are in a similar vein with being about the repercussions of b*lly’s actions and you and steve finally being open about your love. because of this, they subconsciously retreat inwards and spend a majority of their time together tucked away with their closest friends or family. outside of date nights at the hawk or the local diner and steve’s shifts at family video, they aren’t spotted out and about much. and when they are, it’s always uncomfortable. there’s far too many eyes on them. i know places is the perfect way to allude to this.

you stand with your hand on my waistline

it’s a scene we’re out here in plain sight

i can hear them whisper as we pass by

that’s a bad sign, bad sign

obligatory fuck you john mayer. would’ve could’ve should’ve has been one of my favorites to reference. i absolutely love the imagery of someone else’s actions haunting you and refusing to let you move on despite what has happened since. this show does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to discuss trauma and what it does to a young mind, so i have always been adamant that the consequences had to be included in depth. you’re always going to regret b*lly. those few interactions you had with him affected your life far more than you’d like to admit. you have nightmares about him beating your love to death. you see someone who looks similar to him in a crowd and grow tense. a part of you feels responsible for what he did to steve. there’s a scar on your hand that you see every second of every day. even if all of this passes and you get a life of normalcy, you won’t truly. you’re never going to be able to forget; you’ll only learn to live with it.

i can’t let this go

i fight with you in my sleep

the wound won’t close

i keep on waiting for a sign

i regret you all the time

if clarity’s in death, then why won’t this die?

the final few all relate to the events of season four and how the relationship dramatically shifts from ‘yay we’re in love! this is so cute and nice!’ to ‘i think i wouldn’t be able to breathe if you weren’t alive’. casual stuff. forged soulmates and all that. the great war. while the song is meant to represent the period of arguments and fighting that a couple typically goes through at some point, i’m taking a literal interpretation here. suddenly there’s a new threat and it’s far more capable and dangerous than ever before. they end up losing. steve will always have the feeling of your limp body indented into his skin. this is the most challenging thing the two of them have ever experienced. the bliss they had been trapped in is quickly stolen from them. but through it all, they had each other. it’s mutually decided that if they survive, they’ll be completely dedicated to their love for the rest of their lives.

all that bloodshed

crimson clover

sweet dream was over

my hand was the one you reached for

all throughout the great war

always remember

tears on the letter, i vowed

not to cry anymore

if we survived the great war

epiphany serves as a compliment to the great war, as a normal life starts to be what they really desire. they’re sick and tired of living like this — always in fear, worried when the next bad thing is gonna happen. prior to vecna, steve didn’t allow himself to think much of the future for his own sake. somewhere in the back of his brain, he knew he was probably gonna marry you. but now, after all this tragedy, he has no problem admitting that’s what he really wants. he deserves something easy, but he’ll only do it if you get to be beside him. selfishly, he wants your future. everything they’ve been through would be worth it if they get to spend their lives together living happily.

but you dream of some epiphany

just one single glimpse of relief

to make some sense of what you’ve seen

with you, i serve

with you, i fall down

with that logic, peace is a no brainer. as much and you and steve want a peaceful life, you know you’re never going to have it. instead, a fierce trust and connection builds inside them that’ll last forever. not only do they want a future, they want a family. they want a couple of kids and a house in the suburbs and all the things that come with it. they’d welcome simplicity and ease gladly. they’ve fought for far too long. it wouldn’t be perfect, but it’d be theirs.

and you know that i’d

swing with you for the fences

sit with you in the trenches

give you my wild, give you a child

give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other

family that i chose now that i see your brother as my brother

is it enough?

another easy addition comes with sweet nothing. with all of these revelations about the relationship, it becomes clear that neither of them need anything from the other besides their love, attention, and support. for you and steve? that’s the easiest ask in the world. no matter what life throws at them, they’ll always always going to have each other. all that’s required is softness and stillness.

i find myself running home to your sweet nothings

outside they’re push and shoving

you’re in the kitchen humming

all i ever wanted from you was sweet nothing

and finally, the last song i’ve used as inspiration is you are in love. i’ll let these lyrics speak for themselves.

and so it goes

you two are dancing in a snow globe ‘round and ‘round

and he keeps a picture of you in his office downtown

and you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars

and why i’ve spent my whole life trying to put it into words

‘cause you can hear it in the silence

you can feel it on the way home

you can see it with the lights out

you are in love, true love

thank you for reading my rambling :) getting to talk about taylor AND my fic? a dangerous combination. i’m sure that as she writes more songs there will be others to add to this list but this is how it stands as of rn! please oh please if there any others you feel could fit i would love to hear. i love hearing your thoughts :)

[forlix]

(it’s ya boi, 🪷 anon)

oh my gosh, don’t be sorry!! no worries at all 🫶🏻 I’m so happy you liked my interpretation ;w; I loved the fic so much!!

oh, don’t worry, I have so many thoughts! I just felt like my last ask was already too long as is, but I did listen to the playlist you curated! so, here goes: ofc ‘stay’ is such a strong choice, like it’s canon as a skz anthem at this point. but the cover version you chose was such a great way of incorporating the song while keeping the tone you set for ‘empty my mind’. I also feel like if jisung was going to do an official cover of ‘stay’ it would sound a lot like this? with him playing guitar and it being a lot softer than the original version. and the lyrics suit the story and relationship between jisung and the mc sooo well 💖

‘all of me’ is such a good listen for that first meeting/party scene? perfectly encapsulates the excitement and vulnerability that jisung and reader have for each other. ‘babydoll’ is soo perfect too, because jisung is so babydoll-coded (c’mon) but also it covers the desperation he has to mean something to reader. but also he’s nonchalant about it, he can’t say that he cares so we’re back to that ‘do whatever to me’ phase again. I’ve actually never listened to exo before, but ‘oasis’ was such a good pick?? sensual but also vulnerable, I like it. and ‘volcano’; if you told me this fic was entirely inspired by ‘volcano’, I would believe you. such a perfect choice too because you are quite literally taking han’s real lyrics and feelings and then developing them into an emotional fictional piece. yeah, what else can I say? it’s perfect 🤭

okay, so the first song I thought of after reading ‘empty my mind’ was gregory and the hawk’s ‘boats and birds’. a really sweet song that shows the insecurity of being in a relationship with someone who you think has more potential than you/will leave you, but also could represent someone (maybe mc??) seeing the potential that their loved one doesn’t see in themselves. in the same vein, ‘heart like yours’ by willamette stone is very representative of jisung and mc’s relationship. maybe the verses are reader reassuring jisung and the chorus is his reaction like ‘what did I do to deserve you? I can’t believe you make me feel so deserving’. and the bridge is a mix of both of them reassuring each other, like ‘don’t worry, I’m here, you can do this’ and the response is ‘I know you’re here, it’s always been because of you’.

I’m a slut for hozier so I HAVE to recommend one of his songs: ‘I, Carrion (Icarian)’ is inspired by the fall of Icarus, and one of my favourite songs. and I just think it represents that hopeless devotion trope that I adore so much, so of course it represents jisung in this fic really well too, lol. and taylor swift has so many songs so of course I can find a couple that apply to this fic too; ‘mirrorball’ is the anthem for people pleasing, emotionally distraught, desperate for attention girlies. han in this fic is girlies, he needs validation from mc and this is his song. and ‘forever winter’ is reader fully realizing his mental health struggles and being his support. now this song was written about losing someone to depression, but I think the intention to want to be there no matter what is synonymous in both the song and your fic. and the song has winter (snow) symbolism, and language about staying or going which is very literal for the fic. and ‘winter’ will stay if mc goes, or vice versa. AND THE LAST LINE OF THIS SONG?? suits the fic so well, imo.

and oh yeah, I very much agree that ‘fixed’ is a very delicate word to be using around mental health. and I’m glad that you understood that I don’t think mc ‘fixed’ or ‘cured’ jisung in any way. I really hate the trope that someone’s mental illness is magically cured when they fall in love, and I’m glad that you didn’t do it in this fic. because yeah, they are perfect for each other and there isn’t anything to fix. mc is just a new part of jisung’s support system that is going to help him endure his struggles. she’s joining him on this journey to heal and learn self love again.

oh yeah!! kisses are so okay uwu and omg your fic was such a treat to analyze. I don’t get to do this as often anymore, but I graduated uni with a bachelor of arts with english honours so I used to analyze lit CONSTANTLY. and I love it sm, I love just discussing interpretations. and I loved this fic so much. I find when I write fics, because I’ve gone through so much formal writing and academic lit, that I’m really lazy with it?? like, I lose interest in my plots very easily and I mainly just write a lot of mindless smut with some nonsense happening around it. and that’s fun for me, because I have a job where I have to think and articulate my thoughts a lot, so I don’t want to put in the effort. like, stupid porn is my escape lol

but, I really admire your writing. and no, not every fic has to be a masterpiece, but I can tell how much care and effort you put into ‘empty my mind’ and it really paid off. I saw someone mention that they would pay for your writing and I completely agree. writing is definitely a skill that can be honed, but it’s also a talent and it’s one that you have. so yeah, I loved reading your fic and it was so so so so so good 🥰

I’ll def reach out sometime soon but I’m also very anxiousss lol I overthink like everything a lot, so I like the anon because I feel like it’s really easy to run away if I embarrass myself 🤪 but yeah, I’m so glad I got to share my thoughts with you and I’m excited to read more of your works!! 🫶🏻 take care, buh-byyye!

🪷 anon. holy fucking shit. suddenly my birthday is january 13th i'm SCREAMING. thank you SO much for taking the time to write me another essay. you are getting one in return again because i simply refuse to be outdone!!! including under the cut so i can ramble to my heart's delight <3

so funny thing about the song "stay" is that it quite literally served as the wellsprings for the whole fic, but specifically this short of justin bieber singing it live while wasted out of his mind. something about his tone here... it's so raw and anguished and tender all at once, and it fueled me to write like nothing had in a long time. i agree, i loved jonah baker's version with its soft acoustics and amazing vocals, but this short was where it all began. thought u would enjoy that tidbit c:

and WAHH THANK YOUUUU for all the other reviews on the songs in the playlist, i said this last time but i think you might be in my mind bc yes yes and yes to everything you said. 'all of me' was the song i had on REPEAT during the first meeting. it just has that like intensity and adventurousness to it, yaknow, and a hint of sensuality too. 'babydoll' and 'oasis' were sex songs. no delicate way to say that. those were the songs i had blaring in my brain while Penetration Was Occurring.

and 'volcano,' of COURSE, 'volcano' my baby girl my everything my roman empire. this was the song i had on repeat during the final scene when he opens up to her. i literally sent sahar a screenshot of my google chrome window and it was just "han jisung volcano 3 hr. version" and an accompanying message that said "save me" 😭😭😭 THE FIC WAS HARD THAT SCENE WAS HARD i was going through it fr but this song got me through it. i doubt i'll ever be able to write for jisung without thinking about 'volcano' and its incredible lyrics, like those lyrics genuinely changed my life and the way i think about love as a whole, i'm so grateful to him and his mind

NOW ONTO YOUR ADDITIONAL RECS. I AM SOOOOO AHHHHHHHHH JUST ABSOLUTELY AHHHHHHHHHHH WOW. firstly i added every song you recommended into the 'empty my mind' playlist like. our minds have coalesced 🤞 secondly here's a list of my reactions to each song because i am just i'm feeling so overwhelmed by your stellar music taste and you need to know my every thought

boats and birds is INSANE, ABSOLUTELY INSANE, are you fucking kidding me? the singer's voice is stunning, so gentle and lovely and delicate, and the lyrics are so so jisung and mc coded i couldn't breathe while reading them. the similarities are fucking uncanny: the mentions of leaving stardust behind, of coming out at night to show off your light? the promise of living to make you free, to let you shine? reassurance that it's okay if you want to leave, as long as you leave behind something to remember you by? only the last scene in "empty my mind" was told from mc's perspective, but this song feels like it makes up for the lack of her voice throughout the fic; it's her, it's perfect, it's them, it's everything. i wanna die, you are brilliant

about heart like yours, i had the same thought as you, it sounded to me like there were two different voices at play in the lyrics: the verses being so certain and steadfast and the choruses being so careful and confused but hopeful all at once. ouch. once again, painfully jisung and mc coded. the "how could a heart like yours ever love a heart like mine?" line hit especially hard. i like to think ji asks her this question, not because he genuinely can't understand why, but because he's still wrapping his head around it and he just feels so lucky and so happy :') ah my babies

i, carrion is wow. wow. i need to come back to u to extract more hozier recommendations from you because i have always admired this man and his songwriting abilities so, so much but i've never gotten into his discography the way i want to. this song was absolutely unreal, god, when the chorus hits and the harmonies arrive i legit teared up. i've always been so powerfully affected by music and i don't even have the words to describe what came over me. you're so right, what a fantastical, reverent kind of love, and expressed in such prosaic, poetic words too. i felt breathless again listening to these lines in particular: "Once I had wondered what was holding up the ground / But I can see that all along, love, it was you all the way down." i don't feel deserving of my fic being associated with this degree of beauty at all. i love you and this track so much 😞

mirrorball and forever winter were both so so lovely too; i thought the people-pleasing motifs in the former were v interesting. i would wager that they more accurately describe ji in the past, as the version of him in the events of 'empty my mind' is too Tired with a capital T to try to win people over anymore. but 'forever winter' is so nice, i enjoyed how the music swelled and how much of the vocals were belted, all the emotion and power was palpable. and the last line ahhhhh

and thank you for your acknowledgement on the word "fixed" being used in discussions about mental health. i agree, and i love your interpretation of their relationship so much. she's not overriding his support system or introducing a new one, just becoming a part of it

also oh my god not you having an english B.A. i'm fangirling over you!!!! like three of my closest friends are english majors and i love love love talking to them about my interests because they're so incredibly insightful and intelligent and i get those exact vibes from you too. (i started out as an english major as well before switching to international relations. i had a Terrible poetry professor and i got the academic ick so fast) also no way are you also a stayblr writer hello!!!! that's so fair about the mindless smut, we all need an outlet like that in some shape or form, and all that matters is that you're having fun with it <3 i would love for u to show me ur writing if/when u become comfy enough to reveal to me your account (ZERO PRESSURE AT ALL MY BABY)! i'm sure your works are just as wonderful as your analyses of mine have been

and "writing is definitely a skill that can be honed, but it’s also a talent and it’s one that you have" 😭😭😭😭😭 lotus anon, i am actually about to explode. this ask had me feeling everything on the spectrum and currently it's just aggressive gratitude. i've talked ab my relationship w creative writing on here before and it's been difficult, regulating my expectations and my emotions and sharing my work in public again especially when i care so much about the things i write nowadays. but words like these make me glad i came back and hope that i never leave.

and again, please do not fret about reaching out if you're not comfortable, i have anxiety too and i understand you through and through. the only shortcoming i can think of regarding you continuing to send me asks is that i tend to respond to things late because i get overwhelmed by social media easily, but you've been so patient with me thus far, and if you'll be able to continue doing so then we can absolutely continue this system, my love ♡

thank you. i adore you. i'm thinking about you

[navierdeservestheworld]

A/N: All of you thank Taylor Swift for inspiring me to write for the first time since March. I’m making this a series of drabbles; feel free to send me an ask with any Taylor Swift song and a scenario/AU filled with Remarried Empress characters. I’m out of practice but I hope you enjoy this.

Summary: Modern AU. Navier attends a charity event where she sees her ex-husband. Inspired by All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version). Word Count: 1500. 

Navier felt his eyes on her. It had been easier to ignore them throughout the night as the awareness hit her whenever she moved around and talked to the elitist of the elites. After all, it was poor manners to let herself be distracted during conversation. However, without the swarm of dukes and duchesses vying for her attention, it was so much harder to pretend. Years of perfecting the look of pleasant neutrality proved to be far more valuable than Navier ever anticipated. 

She turned her own eyes to stare outside the windows because Navier had no desire to look at her ex-husband. Her scars from the relationship faded away long ago. Nonetheless, they were still scars, and she did not like to pick at them. 

Yet, it seemed that fate did not see fit to heed to her likings. Delicate snowflakes stuck to the windows before melting away. Navier knew it to be the first fall of snow of the Winter; and with Sovieshu in such close proximity for the first time in years, it made her remember their wedding. 

She remembered that the weather forecast had predicted wonderful weather for the royal wedding - sunshine that would beautifully compliment the fall foliage. However, cool breezes that had welcomed her as she stepped out the carriage - decked in the most extravagant white dress that the Eastern Empire could offer - should have served as a warning. Nevertheless, the thought of her fiancé and best friend at the end of the aisle had banished any of the chill. She remembered the swarms of people outside of the Temple trying to catch a glimpse of their future Empress. She had found it so hard to keep the practiced demure smile in the stead of the laugh of joy that threatened to escape her. 

Navier remembered the excitement and anticipation and happiness in Sovieshu’s eyes as he had waited for her to make her way to him. She remembered the feel of his hands around hers as they listened to the priest announce them husband and wife, and the feel of lips on her as Sovieshu offered her a chaste kiss at the altar. Navier recalled that her wedding had been the first time she had been tempted to let loose and let the raw emotions play freely on her face. She had felt so happy with Sovieshu beside her as she had waved at the crowds throughout the procession. She remembered the cold worsening and her refusal to cover herself in fears of hiding the beauty of her dress. She could not forget the way Sovieshu had fussed over her and placed his coat on her. 

She had entertained the ideas of love and Sovieshu together for the first time as they shared their first dance. She did not attain her much-awaited title that day. After all, at the time, the late Emperor was still alive. She had contemplated the elation in her as Sovieshu led her across the dance floor, and as the first fall of snow decorated the Eastern Empire, she had come to the obvious conclusion. 

Navier sighed as she continued to watch the snow, and she knew she shouldn’t have let herself remember, because it reminded her of memories that used to be so painful to her - for a time, the happy ones hurt more than the sad ones. Sad ones like the sheer betrayal of bringing Rashta into their lives. Sovieshu took a mistress to their marital bed. He shattered her trust and their friendship and blamed her for it. 

Cold. Frigid. Cruel. Infertile. Words Sovieshu threw at her so that he could justify his indiscretions. 

Cold. Frigid. Navier knew she came off as such, it was what they had been taught in preparation to be Empress and Emperor. Sovieshu knew this of her far before their marriage. Cruel. How could have Sovieshu expected her to take kindly towards the presence of a third person in their relationship? Infertile. Again, something that Sovieshu suspected before they tied the knot, something that Navier hadn’t even considered a possibility for herself. 

And still he had blamed her for his infidelity,

Words weren’t enough for Sovieshu though, he had to humiliate Navier and her family in front of the Empire to make his mistress appear in a better light. Navier could still remember the headlines painting her as a horrid woman set on keeping two star-crossed lovers apart. Navier had cursed herself for a long time for staying with him for so long until Sovieshu called for a divorce. However, the promise of power had always been a fatal flaw of hers. 

Navier remembered it all too well, and as she gave into temptation and dragged her eyes to finally meet Sovieshu’s, she knew he did too. She could read it from his chocolate-brown eyes that she used to adore. She could see that he yearned to approach her, and she could see the hesitation to do so. He did not even deserve to speak to her after everything.

Regret. She knew what it looked like, and it was written all over his face as she continued to study him with a deliberate passive look. 

“Would you like to make out and make him jealous, love?” 

Again, Navier thanked her years of training for stopping her from spilling her champagne over her expensive dress, and for preventing her from letting out a very unladylike snort once the words registered in her head. She broke eye contact with her ex-husband and turned to face the speaker - her husband - though she was still aware of those dark eyes boring holes into her back.

She shook her head at Heinrey, never a fault in her mask.“I’ll have to decline your most kind offer, my King.” 

Heinrey grinned - never bothered by the passive look she never shed in public - he could see the amusement in her beautiful cat-like eyes and the lilt of sarcasm in her voice. Cold. Frigid. Heinrey never accused Navier of those. After all, he wore masks of his own. 

“If you must insist, my Queen.” Navier knew that Heinrey must have harboured a bit of disappointment over her refusal. Her husband relished in making her ex-husband green with envy. “Then, would you at least have this dance with me? I promise my intentions are innocent.” 

Expectantly, she learned that they weren’t entirely as Heinrey stole her champagne and placed it on a table behind and took her to the centre of the dance floor and pressed her body to his. She couldn’t help the amusement flit into her eyes when Heinrey pouted after she caught him throwing a mischievous and victorious look at whom she knew was Sovieshu. However, that pout turned into a full-blown smile when he spotted the amusement.

Heinrey understood the masks Navier wore, and he loved to be the one to spot the cracks in them. Navier knew he loved to be the reason behind the cracks, and Navier loved that, most of the time, he was the only one who could crack her masks. Or to put it simply - Navier loved whatever made Heinrey smile. 

Yet, Navier felt a chill run down her spine as she wondered if Heinrey truly knew that. His possessive hold around made her ask herself if he felt insecure when he saw her watching Sovieshu. Had she made him feel insecure as Sovieshu once made her with Rashta? She couldn’t have that. Heinrey always made sure that Navier never felt an ounce of insecurity after her divorce, and Navier was resolute that he never did either. 

Yes, she remembered her time with Sovieshu - the love and the tears - however, that was it. One could only remember what did not exist anymore. 

Navier lived her time with Heinrey, and she felt compelled to assure him of that - regardless of if he felt insecure or not. She snaked her hand away from his shoulder and to the back of his neck - playing with blonde strands as she made sure he looked into her eyes. She hid a smile as Heinrey regarded her in confusion. 

“What are-”

She finally let the smile out as his eyes widened in surprise as she pressed her lips to his in front of all of the elites. She could hear their surprise - a mirror to that of her husband’s - Queen Navier never indulged in PDA. At least, never before. However, she ignored them. She ignored everyone, but her love before her. She wanted Heinrey to know that only he could warrant this significant of a crack in her carefully crafted masks. She knew he knew as he overcame his own surprise and reciprocated and kissed her as passionately as could be deemed appropriate before an audience - and that was what she remembered for the rest of her life whenever she witnessed the first fall of snow. 

[phoebe-delia]

I love your song fics and you’re ability to draw the essence (?) of the song and put it into words.

BUT (you know I love giving you a challenge) could you draw the essence of 1989 or Reputation (the whole album!) and put it into a fic? Maybe put how the overall album makes you feel or something like that.

Ignore if it does not spark any inspiration, but Id love to see what you’d do!

@lyssarose Lyssa, love, your asks and prompts always make me so excited; you continue to fill my ask box with inspiration. I can't thank you enough. This is such an interesting idea! I love both reputation and 1989, and I ultimately decided to go with reputation for this challenge, since I think the storytelling on that album as a whole is more cohesive than on 1989. Also, reputation as an album really reminds me of Draco, and by extension Drarry.

This was a challenge, but I think I've managed to do it? I've already done a song from reputation for the Drarry/Taylor series, "Call It What You Want," and while I do think this will be similar I'm hopeful it'll be different enough.

If anyone's wondering, I've drawn inspiration from "I Did Something Bad," "Delicate" and "King of My Heart" because I think these three songs in particular really encapsulate the essence/themes of the album.

Rated M for language/reference to smut

So, before we begin, there's only one thing left to say:

1, 2, 3, Let's go bitch!!

Satisfaction twisted in Draco's chest, hot and sharp; he looked at the man who used to be Father but who would now and forever be Lucius. The man's hair was thinning and becoming more silver than blond. Draco rubbed a hand over his own clean-shaven face, relishing the jealousy the flared in Lucius's eyes. Father had always liked his face free of stubble.

Apparently, there wasn't any shaving cream in Azkaban; or razors, for that matter.

Lucius winced. Draco smirked.

He checked his watch and resisted the urge to tap his foot against the leg of the stool upon which he was perched. He'd been sitting in front of the cell for seven minutes, and neither of them had said a word. And while Draco loved a silent game of chicken as much as the next proud Slytherin, he also had no desire to spend his free time staring at the man he would've been if it wasn't for Harry.

Harry, who was waiting for him at home. Harry, who loved hearing Draco's stories of petty revenge against Lucius; delighted in them, in fact.

Draco stood smoothly from the stool and regarded the other man, enjoying for the second time that afternoon his new height advantage over Lucius. He looked down his aristocratic nose and twisted his face into a perfect imitation of his arrogant sneer from boyhood. Harry would be proud.

"Well, Lucius, as riveting as it's been to catch up, I'm afraid I must depart. My boyfriend awaits."

Lucius's voice was rough from lack of use. "Boyfriend?" He spat, his tone impressively derisive for a man with no reason for pride. "No son of mine is bent."

Draco laughed humorlessly. "I ceased being your son the moment you forced me to join Voldemort." He chuckled again when Lucius flinched. "I suppose I should be more aware of my company. Harry's gotten me in that habit."

Lucius's eyes widened comically, and Draco smirked again.

"Oh, did I not mention my partner's name? How silly of me. I suppose I could bring him here to introduce you--oh, wait. I believe you've met. Surely you remember Harry Potter? A boy in my year? You tried to kill him several times?"

"So did you, as I recall. Or is your memory that selective?"

Draco smirked. "Harry was closer to killing me than I did him. And besides, I've found that sucking cock is a fantastic way to apologize. He and I have a lot of regrets, so we've got plenty of practice,"

Lucius choked, bracing himself on the cell wall.

Draco let out an affected sigh. "Well, I'd better be off. I'm running late to meet Harry. I suppose I'll have to find some way to make it up to him..." He winked at Lucius and walked away, moving through the hallway and past the guards to the exit.

Once on the street, he leaned up against a nearby wall and cast a privacy charm. He took out his mobile, listening to it ring against his ear.

"Hello?" Harry's cheerful voice, even through the phone, was comforting.

"Hey," Draco didn't bother to hide the emotions that formed a lump in his throat.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" It was difficult to stifle the amusement and affection that fluttered in Draco's chest at Harry's immediate concern. "Did he hurt you?"

Draco closed his eyes. "No, he didn't--he couldn't. It was so gratifying and even fun to flaunt my happiness in front of him, but at the same time he's..." Draco swallowed. "He's still my..." He resented the tears the welled up in his eyes, and the way his voice cracked.

"Draco, it's okay. That's normal. It's okay to love and hate him."

"I don't want to! The only people in my life I want to love are Mother, Pansy, Blaise, and you, and he doesn't deserve it!"

"Love, breathe, " Harry's voice was steady, patient. "Come home, alright? I have spaghetti carbonara nearly finished for you. Let's talk about it in person so I can hold you, okay?"

"Are you sure? I don't want to--you shouldn't have to comfort me about this, about him. You, of all people, Merlin, I--"

"Hey! Hey, Draco, I want to. We're a team, babe. Let me be there for you."

Draco let out a shaky breath. "Okay, I'll be there soon. I love you."

"I love you, too."

Draco hung up and canceled the spell. He walked quickly to the Apparition point. While grief still ached in his chest, he still felt the warmth of hope and relief spread throughout his body. He picked up the pace, not wanting to waste another second away from Harry when he pictured a night of pasta, cuddling, and slow, wine-scented kisses on the couch.

He felt the beginning of a smile curve his lips.

Send me an ask about Harry Potter, broadway/musicals, The West Wing, and/or Taylor Swift! Or just about life in general :).

Also, I have a playlist of my 99 most listened-to songs of the year so far. Pick a number 1--99 and send me an ask and I'll write you a fic based on it!

[imaginethathaikyuu]

honest love 

tanaka ryuunosuke x reader

tags: established relationship, descriptions of tanaka’s past failed relationship, descriptions of him loving someone else in the past, thoughts of proposing lead to tanaka being anxious, descriptions of anxiety loosely inspired by champagne problems by taylor swift 

in the middle of my tumblr break i wrote this and wanted to post it so, do with it what u will. ok bye again! 

fem reader word count: 1783

-

Rejection weighed heavy in Tanaka’s pocket. 

Trepidation burned the back of his throat like the taste of stomach acid. 

He was shaking, and not because of the cold. 

Memories of heartbreak played in his mind like a bad movie that he couldn’t shake out of his head. Every time he thought about what happened, it made him want to die; nothing he could do would rid the memories forever. He would never be able to erase those shattered scenes from replaying in his mind, almost like his brain was trying to sabotage him from feeling delight ever again. 

It was like the wound was still fresh, and maybe it would never heal. Even now that his heart had moved on, he was still hurt. 

She was beautiful and kind and delicate, and maybe those are some of the reasons why she didn’t want to be with him. Tanaka was rough all the way through; too rough for her. 

And yet, he was still naively dreaming of being someone’s one. 

So he found the courage to knock on your door.  

You opened it with the happiest smile and pulled him close like a magnet on metal, treating him in a way no one ever had and doing a good job at convincing him that he wanted this forever. 

“Why did you knock? You have a key,” and you kissed his cheek then his lips, and he wondered why the affection didn’t wash away his anxiety. 

“Thought I’d surprise you.” He cleared his throat and tried to speak softer, without that edge in his voice that’s always been there, but he couldn’t. “Did it work?” 

“No, I’ve been waiting by the door since seven. Was hoping to catch you walking in like you own the place.” Your laughter was angelically soft but it could only do so much to calm him down. 

You noticed. He wasn’t sure what gave it away, whether it was the sweat on his brow or the uneasy way he’d been avoiding your gaze, but he wasn’t able to hide it from you. 

“Something wrong?” 

“No,” he replied, quickly, like he’d been expecting the question. “No, everything’s alright, don’t worry.” 

You said, “Whatever you say,” because you saw through him. It wasn’t shocking. Most people could. But you didn’t push him, and he was grateful, because if you had things would have completely gone off plan. “You look nice tonight.”

“Thanks.” He watched you walk away from him toward your kitchen before he could get another word out, expecting him to follow, and for some reason he hesitated. Like if he walked too close you’d realize just how much he clings to you and want him gone. 

He had to do everything right tonight. He had to, or else the future he’d drawn up for himself would all be scrapped - again. Crumpled up and thrown in the trash only to be revised in three odd years when he’s haunted by two rejections rather than one. 

“I thought about cooking,” he heard you start, which prompted him out of his daze to make way to the kitchen. “But then I decided I didn’t want to. So what should we order?” 

He laughed at your honesty. “It doesn’t matter to me.” And you sighed at his indecisive response, a reaction which added more weight in Tanaka’s chest. 

“Well, think of something. I was thinking…” 

While he heard you talk he gave vague nods and positive responses, agreeing with anything you offered in hopes it’d help you make up your mind, but he wasn’t actually listening. He couldn’t. He felt like he had a crowd of thoughts in his mind, every one of them loud and overwhelming, and he couldn’t hear you over them. 

He looked at you, watched you. Noticed the way you stumbled over your words like there was a pothole in the middle of your sentence, only to keep speaking as if it wasn’t there - expecting him to understand what you meant. The way you were struggling to simply choose a restaurant to order from, scratching your head and scrolling through options on your phone as if you were deciding your last meal. You had dressed up for this occasion even though you had nowhere to go. And he liked to think you had been best dressed for him, even though he knew you weren’t. You could wear anything and Ryuunosuke would still think you were the fashion icon of the city - you knew that. And you didn’t even care if he thought that way. 

He looked around the room and wondered how all of these small things could add up to you. A collage of dishes in the sink, a mess on the stove from whenever you last cooked, your morning cup of coffee that had been abandoned on the counter with a few drinks left to go cold. 

You weren’t exactly perfect, were you?

You did so many things that Ryuunosuke couldn’t stand. Water bottles left on nightstands, holes in sheets you don’t change as often as you should, a mess of a closet he’s always deemed as your own personal cavern. Hair stuck to shower walls and socks left forgotten in corners. Loud laughter when he’s trying to sleep, and a grumpy attitude every morning when he’s trying to wake you up. 

And yet without those small additions, the answer wouldn’t be the same. Somehow, the entire equation that led to you was charming to him - even your affinity for bad books and your argumentative nature and your morning breath. 

His love for you was unique to him, and it wasn’t because of how deep in love he was. It was because he didn’t love everything about you that had him scratching his head every time he found another thing he didn’t like. He didn’t love you for your bad habits, the things he deemed as flaws in what should be a masterpiece but wasn’t quite there. 

He loved you in spite of them. And that doesn’t make him special - he’s well aware he isn’t boyfriend of the year for simply looking over your messy desk and road rage. But this love was different to him. Maybe that’s how he knows he’s grown up, he’s more mature than he was at twenty-two when, in his mind, the love of his life was embossed in gold with angel wings and a glowing halo to match. 

And maybe that’s why she wouldn’t put his ring on her finger. Maybe he didn’t love her in the way you’re meant to love someone. Maybe it was too superficial to last, and maybe she knew that. 

But you - your ragged edges were beautiful without being soft. And he didn’t miss the delusional love he once had. You taught him that an honest love was worth infinitely more. 

“You’re not even listening!” 

You were right, he wasn’t. “I -sorry!” 

“What else could you possibly be thinking about that’s more important than what we’re getting for dinner?” 

He didn’t have an answer, not one that made sense, not one that wouldn’t scare you right out of your own home with how honest it would be. But you took his silence in stride, cracking a joke that made him shortly forget those serious thoughts. 

“You’re not thinking about your other girlfriend, are you?” 

He gave a crude laugh from deep in his chest, “You caught me, babe.” 

“I’ll call the custody lawyer - this is my weekend, you know, you’re not allowed to be thinking about her.” 

He let out an exaggerated sigh, “Sorry, I’ll try my best. I hope you can forgive me,” and laughed at the way you seemed to move on from the bit in hopes of solving your current food related problem. “We could go out?”

You thought about it; he watched as you donned your thinking face - an expression he’s never pointed out to you but he’s always endeared - and he knew what you were thinking without you having to say it. 

Going out, rather than ordering in, consisted of taking the train. And you didn’t like taking the train. 

So maybe he shouldn’t have made the offer, and the anxiety in his stomach reminded him that his plan of doing everything right had been completely fucked from the moment he walked in. 

“Fine,” you said, giving him a strategically sly grin as you made your way over to wrap your arms around his waist. “We can go out. I’m guessing you want to go to a bar, then?” 

You never followed the road map of plans Tanaka had in his head, but maybe that was his fault for not laying it all out for you to see. 

Tonight, he was fine with it. Tonight wasn’t the night. He wouldn’t complain about that. 

Because you were willing to take an evening train with him to his favorite bar across the city, where you would eat less than stellar bar food and he would get too tipsy for your liking, just because that’s what he wanted to do. And you wouldn’t complain about it. 

And when you two got home, you would make him cuddle up close and watch whatever trashy TV show you were currently obsessed with for much later into the night than Ryuunosuke would like. And he would complain about it. 

You’d fall asleep and in the morning while you’re sleeping on his chest he’d debate whether or not he should propose right then and there, with the golden morning light and your bedhead framing your face, as if it would be a proclamation to you that he wants to wake up that way forever. 

That was his new plan. One that was destined to change so long as you were half of the equation. 

“Why do you seem so nervous today, Ryuu?” you asked him, lips pressed against his jaw, the two of you still standing in your kitchen even though Tanaka’s mind had been elsewhere. 

And he answered honestly, “You make me nervous,” though in the frame of a flirty joke it didn’t seem that way. 

All you could seem to do was shake your head and pull him toward the door, and it was obvious you knew more than you were willing to say. Ryuunosuke was bad at keeping secrets, after all, so maybe you noticed the trick up his sleeve minutes ago. 

But the nerves he had when walking through your door were gone now, replaced with a simmering excitement for the day the weight in his pocket is a ring on your finger. Because you were beautiful and flawed, kind and tempered, delicate and loud, and you loved him all the way through. And it was enough to give him the kind of hope he hasn’t had since he was loving someone blindly and driving home alone because of it. 

[justice4harwin]

Darklina prompt

Inspired by Taylor Swift’s Champagne problems

A/N: TBH, I’m not sure this is the actual assigment, but the lines of the song that I choose are just too lovely for me and I could’t help it. It wrote itself, i swear

I don’t know if this is what you had in mind @mayatried but I hope you like it :)

Set during S&B

“Your Midas touch on the Chevy door

November flush and your flannel cure”

Alina treaded carefully through the dark. Night seemed to be abandoning its deepest cycle, but there was yet time before the sun arose. Everyone at the Little Palace slept, even Baghra in her hut -she suspected the woman slept, at least-, and Alina had begun to take advantage of such lonely hours to practice.

She walked around first, rounding part of the lake before taking a turn into a maze.

She liked the place. The polished bushes bloomed with flowers of various colors carefully planted within by the gardeners, and there were stone benches here and there.

A part of her wanted to get lost in there and never be found.

She shuddered and rubbed her arms, wishing she had taken a thicker kefta with her instead of the one currently upon her more rounded figure.

It was still strange, looking in the mirror and no longer seeing the bones of the ribs through the soft skin, or seeing her cheekbones softer and pink and full.

Her hands went up. She liked her new cheekbones. She felt pretty.

Deep into the maze, she shook her head to rid it of such frivolous thoughts and took a firm stand.

She closed her eyes and called the power inside of her. She had been able to summon after letting it all go at Baghras hut, but her progress was slow.

She supposed once couldn't heal a lifetime wound in a few weeks, but everyone had their eyes on her now, so maybe she'd have to suck it up.

A small bulb of light appeared in her hand, taking the shape of a sphere. She smiled softly, feeling its warmth.

Gently, she disentangled a hand and created another sphere of light.

Doing her best to ignore the cold and the sleepiness, she willed the spheres to stretch and join.

Trembling, they did.

It's a start.

She then forced them to unify into one long stick of light, flexible like a whip, and then she stretched her arms, elongating the light.

Next, she tried to grab a solid hold of the light with one hand and let the other drop.

To her surprise, it didn't burn her; it just filled her with a sense of power and surety.

Hesitant, lifted her arm, the light going with her, and slashed.

The flowers  on a big stone vase banished as if they had never existed, yet the stone remained practically untouched; a black, long spot its only scar.

"Impressive."

She jumped, turning to see The Darkling stepping forward, that blank expression on his face making it hard for her to believe him.

"I thought it wasn't enough." She said, remembering his words.

"It's not." He said, matter-of-factly, and Alina felt a small sting on her chest. "But you managed to get a solid, physical hold of your power already, however short lived it was, and that was impressive. It should have taken you more time."

She felt herself blushing under his praise.

"How did you find me?"

He remained silent for a moment or two, calculating probably as he always seemed to do. She couldn't really distinguish his features that well in the dark.

"Sometimes I like to sit at the edge of the lake to think. I find the still water most calming."

"You have a lot on your plate, don't you?" She asked, genuinely concerned.

He seemed to have huffed a laugh.

"You don't have to worry about me. Your only job is to strengthen your power."

"But I do!" She hurried to say,cheeks red. "I-I mean, I worry about you."

She looked down, and barely felt him approach as his boots stepped on the grass.

"You do?" She wasn't sure what to make of his tone, but Alina felt the need to reach out and take his hand.

Instead, she took a step forward and summoned her light, delicately running it over his face. He looked perfect, as usual, yet she wondered…

"When was the last time you slept?"

He chuckled, not turning away from her light.

"Do I look tired to you, Summoner?"

"No, but Genya is a miracle worker."

His lips quirked up.

"She is, indeed."

"A pity her talents are wasted on the queen and king." Alina said before she could even think of holding her tongue.

She tensed, but The Darkling nodded slowly, a shadow passing over his face.

"It is. She looks like a candle with her white kefta, but she'd be a walking flame in red."

Alina couldn't hide her surprise. Would he dare to promote her?

The Darkling stretched his arm out.

"But no more talk about that. Come, I shall teach you something."

Learning from The Darkling himself? Alina would never miss the chance. 

She eagerly followed him deeper into the maze, into a spacious area occupied only by grass.

Gracefully, he sat down.

"Next to me."

Much less gracefully, she did as he commanded, trying not to get grass or mud on her kefta. She placed her legs underneath her body and her hands on her lap, more than ready to soak in all the information he had to give.

She looked at his profile and felt her breath caught. Even in the dark, his pale face seemed perfectly clear to her.

She leaned her back against the wall of bushes, wincing only slightly as some small sticks pinched her back.

“Now what?”

“Are you afraid of your powers?” he asked.

“No.” she was too quick to reply.

“Do not lie to me, miss Starkov. I don’t take kindly to deceit.” he spoke calmly, yet she felt a small flicker of fear roll over her body.

“I am.” she muttered, so quietly she herself almost didn’t hear the words. She bit down on her lip and then opened her mouth: “I’m scared to not be enough to destroy The Fold. I feel like I’m not advancing fast enough. I’m also scared of how powerful I could get if I,...if I unleash it, and I’m scared it’ll consume me and I’ll let it.”

And that was only part of it. What if she accidentally hurt someone innocent? What if she failed? Why did people keep watching her in such various ways?

“A power, a gift like ours, is not bestowed upon just anyone. We have it because we were meant to wield it; because we are the only ones strong enough.” he leaned towards her, his expression almost gentle. “You will be magnificent, miss Starkov. I am well aware of what you could accomplish, and if you do get too lost, I’ll be right there to pull you back.”

“Do you promise?” she felt silly asking, like a child, but she needed some reassurance.

Everyone was so expectant of her, of great achievements she was terrified of, that having someone who could understand her and seemed to genuinely believe in her capabilities -without making a fuss or calling her a Saint- sent a tidal wave of reassurance that could’ve dropped her on her ass if she hadn’t been already seated.

“I do.” he replied, his voice filling the entire space they occupied. He leaned back, face blank again. “Now, close your eyes.”

Alina did as he said.

“Deep breaths.”

She slowly took in a big gulp of cold, late-autumn air. She shivered.

“Now,” he said, and his voice sounded right by her ear, his beard brushing against her soft skin and threatening to ruin the whole process. “Feel the light.”

“It’s the middle of the night.”

“It’s inside you, miss Starkov.”

“Alina.”

He said nothing, but she felt him tense. “Feel it.”

She reached down, deep within herself for that almost familiar warmth, and smiled softly when it answered her with an enthusiastic twinkle.

“Now, imagine it all over your body, every inch of it, warm and gold.”

That twinkle in her chest seemed to have steadied, and with the utmost focus, Alina began to picture it covering her chest, travelling down her arms and legs, all the way to the tips of her toes. 

She shivered again, the sudden change in temperature taking her body by surprise.

She opened her eyes and looked down, and found a faint glow on her hands. She felt the currents of wind but they didn’t affect her. She was as warm as if she were well sunked in a hot bath.

She looked up at The Darkling, who almost smirked; she was sure of it!

“Well, now I know I won’t freeze to death on the mountains.”

“You plan on going to the mountains?” he asked, almost amused.

She flushed.

“N-no, it was,...um, it was a joke.”

He chuckled silently, and Alina tilted her head as he shifted in his place.

“You’re cold.”

“I am perfectly fine;  thank you, Alina.” he answered, the perfect liar.

The use of her name made her falter, and after a second it made her feel more secure, however odd that may sound. She scooted closer to him and again, bought her hand up to his cheek. It was cold.

The Darkling almost seemed startled for a moment, but then, when Alina thought he might push her away, he slowly lifted his arm, bringing her to his side.

She looked up at the stars shining down on them, at the full moon, so beautiful and unreachable, just, or so she thought, as the man next to her.

“Can you feel the warmth too?” she asked softly.

A moment passed and she felt his lips ghost over her hair.

“I can feel you, Alina.”

She couldn’t help but smile and cuddle even closer, daring to press her front to his side and take a hold of his dark cloak.

Slowly, he placed his chin atop of her head.

Alina didn’t move, enjoying the moment. Cheeks red as they could be and her heart beating faster than a rabbit’s. She just enjoyed the silent environment, the quiet rustle of leaves and the voices of night.

Cuddling with the most powerful, dangerous man in all of Ravka, Alina felt the pressure set upon her shoulders since she arrived at the Little Palace fade away, like it didn’t matter. Yes, it was a tough task; but just like with anything that proved difficult, she’d advance little by little.

She dared to wrap an arm around his midsection, his own free arm engulfing her as well as he muttered something.

His breathing had slowed and steadied, his heart beat strong inside its cavity.

Carefully, she lifted her eyes as best she could without moving him, and realized he had fallen asleep.

With a contented sigh, she buried her face into his chest and closed her own eyes.

Somehow, the feel of his cloak around her, his frame against her, and her dim light keeping them warm felt far more comfortable than the luxurious bed all but forgotten in her bedroom.

[geordiewrites]

Exile | George Weasley

Summary: Y/N catches sight of her ex-boyfriend, George Weasley, at his older brother’s wedding after exactly one year apart. Based on Exile by Taylor Swift and Bon Iver :).

A/N: This isn’t directly linked to the song, but its certainly inspired by it as it’s about two ex-lovers seeing each other again at Bill and Fleur’s wedding and how they feel when they see each other again and shit like that. It’s very angsty, since I’m unable to write anything else hehe, and I do enjoy a good angsty story! Hope you all had a great Hanukah and Christmas, or any other events you celebrate too in December and fading into the new year. Also my requests are now open, go wild xox.

Warnings: angst and a hell of a lot of it, swearing, drinking. Let me know if I’ve missed any!

-

Y/N’s hands gripped a pristine glass of mulberry red wine so hard it seemed as though it would smash. Her Y/H/C shone in the dim candlelight of the marquee she was awkwardly standing in the corner of, fervently wishing she had politely declined the invitation to Bill Weasley and Fleur Delacour’s wedding that she had received a few months prior. It seemed like a good idea at the time, just to be in the same room as all the people she had let down twelve months before and simply survive the palpable tension. But now she was there, Y/N couldn’t think of anything worse.

She could see where George was, dancing with some blonde girl from Hogwarts that Y/N didn’t care enough to remember the name of. Just seeing his arm slung lazily around the girl’s waist was enough to make sticky bile rise up in her throat.

Exactly one year had passed since Y/N had abruptly ended her whirlwind engagement with George Weasley, the younger brother of Bill, who’s wedding it was. Granted the ceremony was beautiful, with a huge marquee tent in a meadow of autumn flowers on a poignant, warm afternoon, but Y/N couldn’t feel anything but uncomfortable and out of place around her ex-boyfriend’s dotting family. It had been a messy breakup, with Y/N running away to France in fear of the brewing war and leaving George behind with it.

She had lived in Paris for eleven months, stewing over the pain of losing George by her own sword. But she couldn’t go back. Being both muggleborn and associated with a pureblood, even if he was a Weasley, was dangerous to say the least. So many years were spent with Y/N constantly getting put down for her purity, even in the supposed sanctuary of Hogwarts. She had never said anything to George. He wouldn’t have understood anyway. And so, she agreed to marry him. Agreed to wear the diamond ring he could barely afford, and agreed to a life she didn’t want. One she had never wanted.

It didn’t occur to her that she was too scared to go through with it until her clandestine bag was packed for France, and the words ‘I can’t marry you’ tumbled from her lips.

Draining the rest of the dark wine until her glass was completely empty as a distraction, Y/N barely noticed a tall, redheaded man move to stand next to her with a crooked smile close to George’s own.

“So, how have you been?” The man said, making Y/N snap to attention in surprise before having to force herself not to smile. She wanted to, but Fred Weasley wasn’t somebody she entirely expected to try and talk to her after what went down between herself and his twin brother.

“Fine, you?” Y/N replied hotly after a moment of hesitation, pouring another large glass of wine. Her voice was clipped as if she didn’t want to be talking to him, and her eyes were careful not to meet his.

“Better than ever. It’s nice to see you, Y/N.” Fred mused with a brutal honesty that made her want to spit out her drink. “Truly, I’ve missed you.”

“Not usually something a guy says to his twin brother’s ex.” Y/N chuckled in return. “Especially me, for that matter. Out of curiosity, did he ever tell you what actually happened?” She continued worriedly. Breaking up with George was the hardest thing she had ever done, the hardest thing she would ever have to do, and it was the messiest, most gut-wrenching breakup either of them would face. The details of it... she just dually hoped Fred didn’t know them. Really she hoped nobody but herself and George did.

“Of course he did.” Fred said, but he’s lying. Y/N knows he’s lying from the way he scratched his nose: it’s his tell, but she goes along with it anyway.

“Oh really?”

“Obviously, why wouldn’t he?”

“Well...” Y/N trailed off, making Fred both curious and suspicious.

“Alright I lied. He hasn’t said a word, just told us you two split up and the engagement was off. What didn’t he tell me about, Y/N?”

-

“Why are you doing this? We’ve set a date, Y/N, October fifteenth next year. Please, just don’t leave me.” George begged, years streaming down his face as his hands clutched Y/N’s shoulders, as if he was desperately clinging to something that was already gone. “We can work through this, we can.”

Shaking off his hands, Y/N moved away from him with a deep cold spreading through her icy veins. “I don’t want to. I don’t want to marry you, I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“What are you saying?” George asked simply. It was almost rhetorical in the complicated tangle of feelings that Y/N couldn’t decipher herself could never be expressed in speech.

“I’m saying I’m leaving. Leaving you, leaving this goddamn country where people want to fucking kill me for something I can’t control.” Y/N cried, but there are no tears from her. Her eyes are dry, as is her throat and her skin feels parched, drained of all moisture and blood and richness. “I’m going to France.”

“France? Y/N, just calm down. You can’t go to France.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Because I love you. And you can’t leave me, Y/N, please.” George continued, not meaning to be possessive but it just came out that way. Y/N used to like it, but now it just feels like a gilded cage. Have the marriage but don’t be free. Have the husband but don’t be safe. Have the life while others are slaughtered, and you might be next. She was done with it all.

“Funnily enough that isn’t your decision. I’m going to France, I’m going away from this war, from Dumbledore and the Order constantly expecting me to just be okay with everything, when I’m not.” Y/N ranted, waiting a few seconds to see if he would continue. When he didn’t, she carried on yelling, wanting him to know why she was leaving for good. “I’m not okay that they want me to just fight aimlessly all the goddamn time. I’m not okay that you think I’m some goddess when I’m so fucking terrified. I’m not okay that nobody sees that people are about to die, and I’m the most likely out of all of us to do exactly that-“

“Don’t say that. We will get through this war.” George replied, but Y/N was already at the door with her suitcase handle clutched in her colourless hand.

“No, we won’t. I’m sorry, but I’m so done. I can’t take it and I’m leaving-“

“You’re running away.” George said in a tone that made Y/N clutch at the roots of her hair.

“Of course I am. Don’t be pathetic, George, of course I’m running away from my inevitable death.”

“You won’t-“

“No, I won’t. I’m not going to die aged 20 because I’m not going to let them have the opportunity.” There was a beat before Y/N finally spoke the last words George would hear from her for the next year. “Goodbye George, all the best.”

All the best, George thought bitterly as she slammed the door, ready to rush to the airport. All the fucking best.

-

Fred watched as Y/N flinched, her shoulders tensing for a brief second before she airily smiled, an action even he could see was very clearly forced. Noticing she wasn’t going to answer his question, Fred asked yet another. “Where have you been for the last twelve months?”

“Paris.” Y/N chuckled darkly, feeling her heart clench as George kissed the blonde woman on the forehead. Her soft smile faded and an involuntarily frown settled on her delicate features. “In France.”

“I know where bloody Paris is, just wasn’t expecting that. Why Paris exactly?” Fred pressed, and Y/N had consumed just the perfect amount of mulled wine to be in the talkative, tipsy stage of inebriated. Perhaps getting piss drunk hadn’t been the best plan.

“There’s not a war in Paris.” She answered honestly, feeling the urge to laugh as Fred’s face flickered between shock and disappointment, almost identically to how George’s had one year previous.

“You ran away.”

“Yep.” She said, idly popping the ‘p’ and smudging her crimson lipstick slightly.

“But you’re back.”

“Also yes. I decided not to be a coward for any longer.” Y/N giggled tipsily, placing a chaste hand on his arm to steady herself, but to the untrained eye it appeared she was flirting with him. While Fred knew this wasn’t the case, another ginger across the room didn’t know as such, and felt a pang of all too familiar pain as his eyes landed on his ex-fiancé. “Alright Freddie, I feel a bit hot. I’m just gonna head outside for a minute or two.”

Fred barely had time to nod before Y/N swanned out of the room, her deep red dress clinging to her sensuous curves as she walked. She certainly stood out against a crowd of bland, Weasley-like fabrics from their family, and combined with her Y/H/C, Y/N was very easy to spot in the wedding. George watched as she left the tent to go stand just outside the entrance, strands of her hair fluttering around sharp cheekbones just visible past the marquee. With a quick apology to his blonde girlfriend, George rushed out after her.

Seeing Y/N again after exactly one year was similar to getting hit by a bus. It was exhilarating and melancholy and a whole other myriad of emotions that George was too mentally immature to comprehend. He didn’t even realise he was standing outside, just beside her before he was there. She looked almost exactly the same, except for the smudged red berry lipstick across her cheek. Y/N noticed he was there and stared adamantly at the ground, not knowing exactly why he was there or what he wanted.

“You’re here.” George said, his tone making it a statement far more than a question. Y/N nodded silently, not finding the courage to look at him for fear she would just spontaneously start sobbing. She hadn’t during their breakup, or even after during the mourning period, but right now she felt tears threatening to spill. “Why are you here exactly?”

“It’s a wedding.” She said, again more of a menial, random statement than an answer to his question.

“Yes, I realised that.” George snapped irritably. “The shop is doing brilliantly considering everything going on. And I have a girlfriend. She’s called Angelina, a Quidditch player-“

Unable to take it anymore, an elastic string pulled taunt in Y/N’s heart tore clean in two. “Why the fuck are you telling me this?”

“Wanted you to know.” George said after a significant beat.

“To hurt me.” Y/N muttered venomously, her eyes squeezing shut for a brief second. “Well congrats.”

“Didn’t know you had enough feelings to be hurt.” George cruelly replied. He knew it was beyond harsh, that it was pathetic considering how long it had been, but seeing Y/N looking quite to radiant had brought up a number of old feelings from their breakup right back.

“You know I came here to try and be in the room with these people again. You, your family. Turns out, I can’t.” Y/N said, tears beginning to fall from her eyes, lips tightened into a thin line. “It’s impossible to be near you.”

“It’s good to see you.” George mumbled, so quietly she wasn’t even sure that he had said it out loud. “I mean it.”

“That’s a change of tone.” She laughed, and even that simple sound was enough to make George smile, however much he wanted to be mad at her. “I thought you would hate me.”

“I do.” He smirked, making her laugh again in a way only he could. In a way both of them had dearly missed. “I really do, but I also missed you. Missed your laugh, your smile, your stupid shoes. I never understood why you needed more than one pair of shoes.”

“For the sake of fashion.” She said.

“You haven’t changed a bit.” He whispered, a saccharine mist clouding his hazel eyes as she brought herself to look at him for the first time, and not at the floor. He was older, not in looks but there was a tinge more wisdom held in solemn eyes. Even though he was smiling, he just looked sad. “You’re still beautiful to me. Even though I hate you.”

“I hate you too.” Y/N said, but her tone is soft and almost loving in it’s insinuation. Her heart swelled as she realised he had called her beautiful. “But you can’t call me beautiful when you have a gorgeous girlfriend waiting for you inside.”

“I do, and she’s wonderful.” George said. But there it was again, that sadness that only Y/N could possibly ever notice. Even then, nobody knew him as well as she did. Not even his new girlfriend. “But she’s not you.”

“Nobody ever will be.” Y/N laughed arrogantly, but it was utterly truthful at the same time. Nobody would ever be who Y/N was to George during their relationship, but even she wasn’t that person anymore. She was still Y/N, but a different version. The one he had fallen in love with was gone, and in her place was Angelina.

“Why’d you leave Paris?” George asked.

“I didn’t want to be scared anymore.”

“You were always braver than you gave yourself credit for, Y/N.” George complimented, making her face flush with a rosy glow. Her eyes were hazy with alcohol and a want for something she had forfeited so stupidly. Her lips were in a slight pout, and she gave him a look he had only seen a few rare times before. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I want you to kiss me. Will you? For old times sake?” Y/N asked, her face just a few brave centimetres from his. George wouldn’t have to do much to close the gap between them, and the urge to feel her lips against his for a final time was too overwhelming, like chugging red wine. Forbidden, something he wasn’t supposed to ever do but it was so duplicitously tempting and devilishly irresistible.

George was kissing her before he knew what was happening, adrenaline coursing through his veins. A warmth spread throughout Y/N’s entire body, fuelled by passion and sadness. His hands found her waist, sending involuntary tingles up her spine and back down again to her coccyx, the fabric of her dress riding up slightly so when he moved her hand lower, it just grazed her thigh. The kiss was treacherous, but as addictive as any drug that George had ever heard of. He couldn’t imagine anything both worse and better.

But it wasn’t a kiss of cheating in intention or action really, it was a kiss of goodbye. A kiss of hello to an old soulmate as he departed their chapter in his life, and finally let go of Y/N. A kiss of want and of love eventually disappearing forever. A kiss of teenage infatuation, of snogging in abandoned classrooms and first times in the Room Of Requirement, young and in love. A kiss of unspoken words and emotions, of ‘I want you but I hate you’ and ‘I love you but I left you’. A kiss of finally portraying unspeakable emotions that neither could understand. Perhaps they never would.

When their lips parted, George walked off without speaking. He just quickly made sure her lipstick wasn’t anywhere on his skin and walked seamlessly back into the party, sweeping Angelina off her feet as he once did with Y/N. As he now finally didn’t wish he was doing with Y/N. That chapter was closed, that storybook finally completely written and the ink had run dry. Angelina was who he wanted now, who he had now and who he loved now.

Y/N was a memory of George’s first love, while George was the memory of the biggest mistake Y/N would ever make. He was a reminder of who she lost, but also of who she could find again with someone else. Someone she was ready to marry, and ready to get through the war with. She hadn’t found them yet, but someday she would. She was sure of it.

At least for now, George wasn’t a part of her thoughts. He wasn’t a part of her dreamless sleeps or of her worst nightmares. He simply existed, and that was the best she could’ve asked for by even attending the wedding in the first place. George was a part of her life that was over now.

And Y/N was so ready for the next chapter, however messy and painful it could be. She was finally ready.

[kalimagik]

Should’ve Said No

Sirius Black x Reader 

Marauders Era 

Based off the song “Should’ve Said No” by Taylor Swift

<3k

Warnings: Angst and mentions of cheating

A/N: I’m back with another song based fic because that’s one of the few places that I draw inspiration from. I had a three hour car ride, listened to this song on repeat a million times, so in short, this fic just wrote itself! If you enjoy it, like, reblog, comment, or follow (I think you get the gist so far!) It’s my first time writing for Sirius, so I hope you all like it! Happy Reading <3

-

-

I knew the risks that came with catching the eye of Hogwarts’ biggest playboy. I knew his reputation. I had stayed away for a decent amount of time, but the boy finally wore me down at the end of sixth year. He asked and asked. He said he was done with his play boy life. I said yes. Everyone was surprised I said yes. Hell, I was surprised that I said yes, but it was worth the risk. Sirius Black had my heart in his hands. He was careful with it too, almost delicate. 

Then seventh year kicked in and so did the beginning of quidditch matches and parties. I did as much Common Room rotating for the parties as the next girl, but the one time, the one time I decided that school was more important, he wasn’t strong enough to not ruin everything. Let me go back for a minute. 

Lily came up to me during lunch the other day, I think it was Tuesday or Wednesday, and sat with me at the Y/H table. 

“Did you finish that Transfiguration homework Saturday?” she asked me casually, but seemed to have a little bit of a tremor in her voice. 

“Yeah, Remus was a ton of help. Thank you for telling him that I needed him even though I didn’t want to ask. How was the party?” I asked, thinking nothing of it. It had been Gryffindor’s turn to host, but I wanted to get a good grade in my N.E.W.T. level transfiguration this year, so studying took precedent.  

Lily grew quieter suddenly. 

“That bad, huh?” I giggled, judging her reaction. “Where’s James?” 

I was still so daft. So stupid to think that everything was normal. Lily’s boyfriend and my boyfriend were best friends. It brought us closer than ever and it made me happy. Sound began to fill the Great Hall as others came in for lunch. 

“He’ll be along. I just wanted to talk to you,” Lily piped up again. “Are you almost done? Could we go to the loo to talk for a minute?” 

“What is with you, Lil?” I was worried now. Lily was usually such a happy presence to be around, but that day, something was off. I gathered my things, following Lily to a bathroom a little ways from the Great Hall. What was she so upset over? I hoped she was alright. “Oh, look! There’s James and Sirius!” 

I had started to call them over, but Lily quickly pulled me through the door of the bathroom. 

“Seriously, Lily. What’s up? Did James do something? Should I warm up my wand?” 

“He didn’t do anything, Y/N.” I just stared at her, mouth slightly opened. I was wracking my mind over what had potentially happened that had her acting this way

I realize now that I was so worried for her when she was just being protective over me. 

She finally spoke. “I didn’t want to be the one to tell you this, but you deserve to know. He isn’t going to tell you, Y/N/N, but I like you and it isn’t fair.” 

“What are you rambling on about?” 

“Sirius cheated on you…” she finally blurted out. My whole body went numb. I didn’t even hear her say who it was with. I later found out it was Marlene. That was a whole other beast to deal with. We were never that close anyways, so it didn’t surprise me. 

Like I said, I knew his reputation. 

“Y/N/N? It was at the party. I don’t know if he was drunk or what. I wasn’t paying much attention. He begged me not to tell you and James even begged me to give him the chance to tell you. I did. It’s been nearly 5 days and he hadn’t and I couldn’t just watch him with you, acting normal. I’m sorry.” 

I realized then that I hadn’t said anything yet. I stood there, staring at the sinks behind Lily. I didn’t even look at her. My gaze shifted to my face in the mirror. The color had drained from my face. I couldn’t even see any emotion in my features. I could only feel my heart shattering into a million pieces. 

Then Lily asked those dreaded words. “Are you okay?” I looked at her, a blank stare still ensuing, “Oh, no. You’re mad at me. I am so sorry, really. I didn’t want to tell you all of this.” 

Words finally found their way to my lips. “I’m not mad at you, Lily. I’m mad at him. I’m going back to my room. I may see you tomorrow. I don’t know.” 

I bolted to the door and for the crowded halls. I didn’t want to be with anyone anymore. I heard Lily calling to me over the noise. “But, we still have classes today!” 

I wasn’t going to classes. I was processing. Processing was allowed right? I just found out that my boyfriend, correction, my now ex-boyfriend, cheated on me. I would face him later, but for now, I needed time to myself. 

With classes continuing, my room was completely empty. The moment the doors shut, the tears began to roll down my face. I scanned the contents next to my bed. There were those stupid flowers that Sirius had given me the previous Friday. 

I stood in front of them on my night stand. I felt all the hurt and anger that had been numb explode. They burst. My hands acted on their own accord. I picked up the flowers in my hand. They were so delicate, but the anger flowed through my veins and instinct threw them against the wall. When the noise of the limp plants didn’t give me any satisfaction, I followed the flowers with the vase. The smashing sound of glass against the wall was all I needed to hear to know that I was broken inside.

 I skipped my afternoon classes, falling into a heavy sleep, exhausted from the crying. It felt like a hippogriff had run me over. I got up to use the bathroom later and assess my running makeup and horrendous bed head. It was bad, but I didn’t care. I enchanted the door so that no one could come in. They’d only be able to enter when I gave permission. I just needed to be alone in this school that was now seeming all too small.

 When I skipped dinner too, I knew someone was bound to come searching for me eventually. Only, I was expecting Lily or one of my roommates to knock on my door. For some reason, the idea of Sirius coming to talk to me never crossed my mind. 

I heard someone attempt to push against the door as I curled up under my blankets. I felt like they would protect me from the world. 

“Love? I know you’re in there,” Sirius called out to me from behind the door. “You skipped classes and dinner.” 

His voice was so calm. Surely Lily told him that I knew the truth about his weekend. He should be a mess like I was right at that moment!

“Go away. I’m not feeling well,” I lied. I wasn’t ready to confront him then. I wasn’t ready to even look at him. 

“Evans told me,” he sighed. I could hear his fingernails scratching against the wood. Another pause. “I know you know.” 

“Then you know why I don’t really want to talk to you.” I couldn’t help but let the blunt words take the place of my gasping and sobbing. I’d rather him hear the harshness in my voice than any of the hurt. 

“Y/N, darling. I will take it all back if you just give me one chance. It was a moment of weakness, love. With the party and the alcohol, it just happened. It meant nothing though.” 

I had no response for him. I wasn’t going to give him that satisfaction. 45 minutes may have passed. Sirius tried to speak to me a few more times. I even heard him trying to counter the charm I used to lock the door, but he couldn’t. He had no choice but to leave. 

I endured the cooing and sympathies from my roommates, but I hated it. I hated feeling like this. I hated feeling hopeless. This wasn’t my fault. I was a victim, but I’m not weak. 

I couldn’t sleep all night, so I silently moved around the room and placed all of Sirius’ things in a bag. His records of the muggle music he adored, the remnants of the flowers, even the pictures of the two of us. I didn’t want them. 

I marched down to breakfast with the strong intent of telling him off in front of everyone. Everybody in this bloody school knew what had happened by now. I’m sure Marlene basked in the mess she caused and would tell anyone who wanted to hear about it. So, I wasn’t going to let our break-up be ruined by rumors. I’d let everyone witness it first-hand. 

I combed my hair. Redid my make-up. This didn’t hide the fact that I had been crying all day and night, but I don’t care. I needed to do this.

So now, here I am, standing outside the Great Hall. Students from all the houses are eating their breakfasts and I’m holding this bulging bag. 

I feel Lily Evans’ bright green eyes on me as I walk down the length of the Gryffindor table to where she was sitting with Sirius and the other Marauders. From the short glance towards her, I can’t tell if she is scared about what I am going to do or proud. I don’t really care at this point though. I am here on a mission. 

“Pads,” Remus whispers as he is the first one to see me walking towards the group (aside from Lily). 

I’m carrying this bag and just thinking to myself how strange it is to think the songs we used to sing, the smiles, the flowers, and everything is just gone. His dark, piercing eyes met my own. He doesn’t look like a mess. He looks perfect like he always does. This recognition just fires the anger that has been building up inside of me all morning. 

“Y/N? You’re up! Excellent!” Sirius smiles at me. He reaches out to take the bag from me as if he’s helping. “I was thinking perhaps we could have a chat this morning before classes? We could go to the courtyard.” 

I examine him. He seems different to me now. He was pretending like nothing was wrong while he was in front of his friends. I can read him. I know this. 

“I don’t think so, Sirius. Those are your things.” I spit out at him, pointing to the bag now in his hands. Hoping that I am wearing a blank face, I watch his fall. I know he can tell what I’m feeling through my Y/E/C eyes. He always did say that they gave me away every time. 

“I told you last night though. It didn’t mean anything.” 

Scoffing, I can’t stop myself from shaking my head. “No, Sirius. Yesterday I found out about you and even now just looking at you feels absolutely wrong! I heard you last night. You say that you’d take it all back given one chance. It was a moment of weakness-” My arms were flailing as I began to yell. I’ve never been capable of keeping my voice down. I know I’m loud. “And you said yes!” The words bellow out of my throat and I feel like they echo. I don’t know. I’m mad. I’m not finished either. 

Sirius looks at me as if he wants to speak, so I have to cut him off quickly. 

“You don’t get to talk yet.” 

The silence of the Great Hall was deafening. I know that everyone is watching us. Although, I am feeling extra strong. Maybe all those girls that Sirius screwed over in the past were sending me their strength. 

“I was studying the night of the party. It was the first one that I missed and you messed it all up! Here’s what should have happened.” My hand motions are taking over as the words roll off my tongue. I didn’t even plan any of this. “You should’ve said no, you should’ve gone home, you should’ve thought twice before you let it all go. This school is so damn small that you should’ve known that word about what you did with her would get back to me!” 

Maybe I shouldn’t have just pointed to Marlene at that point…oh well. Put my focus back on Sirius. 

“I should have been there in the back of your mind. I shouldn’t be asking myself why all of this happened. You shouldn’t be sitting outside of my room begging for forgiveness at my feet. If you would’ve said no, we would still be together. I did everything right! This is your fault!” 

His eyes widened at my words. I can’t look at him anymore. I’m not eating breakfast, but it’s fine. I would be on a high from this for at least a little while. I could probably get through my morning classes. I don’t have any with Sirius, so that wouldn’t be a problem. I do have them with Remus, so that could pose an issue, but with what I am feeling right now, I can take it. 

“Y/N! Wait up!” Lily’s red hair chased me from the crowded hall. Her face was lighting up everything else. “That was awesome! I mean, Sirius isn’t looking too great, but you were fantastic! I think some people wanted to applaud you on your way out.” 

My high began to fade. I didn’t mean to make him feel awful. I just didn’t want to let it seem like he could walk all over me and what he did was okay. It isn’t okay! Cheating is one of the lowest things a person could do! 

Lily could see the uncertainty on my face. “Was I too hard on him? Should I have done that in private?” I could feel my eyes begin to puff and redden again. 

“He deserved it, Y/N/N. What he did to you wasn’t in private, so I think this is justice.” Lily smiled. 

That smile quickly fell. I turned to follow her line of sight. Sirius stood there, just looking at me. He was being quick to run up to me. 

“Can we please talk?” 

“That’s not a good idea.” 

“I said I’m sorry. It’s all in the past!” His eyes are pleading with me, but I just can’t do it. “I want to be with you, Y/N! I have wanted to be with you for the longest time. It was just a moment of weakness. If you could just give me a chance, please?” 

“You hurt me, Black.” I needed to stop and cringe. I used to only call him by his last name and it felt wrong to be using it again. “You can tell I’ve been crying, just look at my eyes! I’m sure everyone can see it. And you know all the right things to say! You’ve always been good with words. That’s one of the reasons I fell for you. But do you honestly expect me to believe that we could ever be the same after this? You should’ve said no, Black.” 

I turn to walk away, Lily being supportive next to me, but something is tugging on me, a question I didn’t realize I had, so I turn back to Sirius. 

“I need to ask you something before I go. I can’t resist. Was it worth it? Was she worth all of this?” 

Sirius hung his head. I haven’t seen him like this since he decided to leave home, and I was just a friend at that point. “No. She wasn’t.” 

I nod, accepting the fact that he understands that he messed up. Maybe, in the future I can forgive him for this and even be friends, but like I said, we could never be the same. Walking away right now seems like the best option for me though. With Lily beside me, I am going to go to classes and I am going to heal and move on. I said my peace to Sirius Black. He made a mistake, but I would not be the victim of the next one. 

[thorne93]

History Repeats (Part 12)

Prompt: Life’s hard, right? Well throw in a not so great job, a broken heart, and chasing a pipe dream in LA. But could someone come along to make all the bad shit disappear? Or is he just another heartbreak waiting around the bend?

Warnings: language, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, angst/heartbreak, adult themes (??)

Word Count: 3612

Note: Aesthetic made by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo because she’s absolutely amazing Beta’d by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo . Brainstorming from @carryonmyswansong​

**Song Inspiration: Death By A Thousand Cuts by Taylor Swift

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dating Hayden was so easy, surprisingly easy. Talking to him during dates was the most comfortable thing you’d ever done. And oddly, it just felt right to go home together but go to separate rooms. You could take things slow and simple, and yet still be around each other all the time. And Hayden was great to you. He treated you nicely, complimented you all the time, encouraged you on your newfound work. In fact, one night, you were siting on the couch, writing a new song. 

“What’s that?” Hayden asked over your shoulder. 

“A new song,” you said as you hid the notebook, shielding it with your body.

“Ah, I see. Will I get to hear it?”

“With any luck,” you hoped. “I’m hoping Trey will work with me to record this one for the EP, I think it’s really good.” 

“I’m sure it’s fantastic,” he assured as he sat beside you on the couch. 

“Actually, it’s almost done… Would you want to… read it?” you offered timidly. It was a very personal song, but it also had a lot to do with him. 

“Are you sure?” he inquired, his brows knitting together. 

You nodded. “Yeah, you actually inspired it.”

“Oh, then I definitely want to look,” he said happily as he reached towards you. He grabbed the notebook and looked at your frantic handwriting. 

Is it cool that I said all that?

Is it chill that you're in my head?

'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)

Is it cool that I said all that

Is it too soon to do this yet?

'Cause I know that it's delicate

Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?

Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?

Delicate 

He looked up at you and gave you the warmest smile. “I love it. You’re going to be the next top star, I swear by it.” 

You blushed and thanked him before leaning forward to kiss him deeply. 

----------------------------------

By now, the two of you had had a date a week now, and things couldn't be better for you. 

Your producer, Trey, invited you to meet some members he thought should join your band. You had a good sound on the demos you’d given him, but he said he wanted to boost your vocals with the best instruments and sounds he could. That’s where another producer, a drummer, and a guitarist came in. All were looking for their next project and wanted to meet you. 

He asked you to meet at a restaurant in the city. You said you’d have to wait until after your shift, but he said he didn’t mind waiting. So you finished your shift at 11 and headed to the exclusive lounge and bar. When you got there, there was only one party in the whole place. It seemed as if the place had closed. You frowned and greeted the hostess. She showed you to the table where Trey, a woman, and a man were sitting. You sat next to the man you didn’t know on the edge. 

“Ah, Y/N, you made it,” Trey greeted as he leaned forward. 

“Of course, I wouldn’t miss it. Thank you so much for waiting for me.”

“Sure thing. So this is Stacia, she’s the other producer I work with from time to time. She heard your voice and really liked it. She’s worked with some great names before and I think she has a good shot at making you the next big thing.”

“Oh, wow, such a pleasure to meet you,” you said, reaching over the table and shaking her hand. 

“And this misfit beside you is Darren,” he said with a smirk. 

You shook his hand. He was lean as all get out, wearing a white wife beater, black jeans, and a black blazer with white pin stripes. He had a purple scarf wrapped around his neck and his hair was disheveled. 

“He’s a drummer. He’s damned good and I think he’d work well with your sound. Or the sound I think we should try to go for,” Trey explained. 

“That’s great! I’d love to start right away. We can start in the morning or --”

“Woah, slow down,” Trey said with a bit of a chuckle. The rest of the table laughed too. You felt a bit embarrassed and he could tell. “No, you’re fine. You’re excited. You should be. You’ve got a great voice and I can tell you’re willing to work with us on sound and marketing and advertising, the works, right?”

“Absolutely,” you said.

“Great, good, then we’re in good shape. We can talk business tomorrow. I want to get you in a booth, maybe polish up a few of those demos you gave me. I want to see what my team can do with you, and for you. But tonight, I think we should all just chat. Get to know you, your story, what your goals are regarding music…” He waved over one of the waiters standing by. He gestured to you. “What’ll you have?”

“Oh, uh, water?” you said, unsure what you were ordering. You didn’t know if this was a dinner, or cocktails or finger foods or what.

Trey gave you a funny look. “You don’t want a cocktail? Do you not drink? You sensitive to substances?” 

You shook your head. “Oh, no, nothing like that. I just wasn’t sure if I should be drinking walk talking business…? Thought it might be a bad mix.”

He laughed and shook his head. “Don’t think of this as a business meeting. I’m your friend, Y/N. Business? Yes, both you and I should always be professional and business-like, but I think we should build this out of friendship, right? So get a drink. We all will.”

“O--Oh, okay, uh, I’ll have a screwdriver,” you said quickly. 

“There ya go. Whiskey sour,” he ordered. Stacia ordered a cosmo and Darren ordered a tequila and tonic. 

They began asking you about your dreams, aspirations, goals, where you write, how you do it, what your inspiration came from, your current job. They talked a little bit about their plans for you. 

When it was all done, you called Hayden to pick you up. You weren’t sober enough to drive on your own. He asked you how it went but after a few answers, he realized it might be better to interrogate you later.

-------------------------------------

You continued to meet with Trey and his team almost every day or night. He discussed the future, plans, and contracts. In just a few days, you’d cut a contract to turn your demos into a real EP. He wanted to re-record the tracks on your demo, and add two more. 

It turned out he was more than a producer, he owned that lounge you were at and a few bars. It was pretty customary for people he produced to be at them. He didn’t care one way or the other if his musicians partied, as long as they showed up to the booth on time and did their work. 

You’d been to one party at a club and met several others that were in Trey’s circle and Darren’s. Some musicians, some singers, some other music executives. It was good to meet these people, to network, but after that first night, you learned to say no to the alcohol. You thought it was better to be on your best behavior when you met all these people. 

Hayden wasn’t thrilled about you going to these events or parties, but you stressed that you needed to do it for your career. You explained you were only meeting other people that would help and once you reminded him wouldn’t be drinking, he didn’t see much wrong with it and seemed to accept it.

You were having the time of your life. You had a new, great boyfriend who treated you well. You were on your way to your dream career. Everything was more perfect than it’d ever been in your life. 

One night though, you were talking with Darren, in a booth at one of the clubs. 

“I’m so nervous. I go in to re-record my first track tomorrow,” you said, giddy with fear and excitement.

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll do stellar,” he assured. “But… if you want.” He glanced around for a moment before pulling something out in a small bag. “I do have something to take the edge off.”

“Holy shit. Is that coke?” you demanded, your heart already racing. 

He nodded his head subtly. “You want a bump or not?”

“Uh, no, I’m good. I don’t… I don’t do that. I’ll be fine,” you assured, holding your hand up.

“Suit yourself,” he said with a shrug. He tapped a little on his fist, and snorted. You bobbed your head before saying you were gonna go get another drink at the bar. You avoided Darren the rest of the evening. 

---------------------------

“You ready for this?” you asked as you plopped beside him on the couch with popcorn and cokes. 

“No, absolutely not,” he informed with a laugh. 

You put in the first movie -- Star Wars: Attack of the Clones -- and pressed play. “I’m ready. I am beyond excited.” 

“Ugh, this movie… I got so much grief over this,” he confided, cringing as he stared at the screen.” 

“So? Fuck ‘em,” you said easily.

“Y/N, you’ll understand better when you’re in the music business, but it does matter what some people think about you. Having a lot of critics isn’t a good thing, I hate to break it to you.” 

“No, I know that,” you assured. “But I also know that you were unjustly criticized for this. I think you portrayed Anakin exactly how he needed to be.” 

“Really?” he asked incredulously as he shot a glance your way. 

“Uh, yeah, absolutely,” you said defiantly. “I don’t think anyone else could’ve played him any better, I swear.” 

“Thanks,” he said quietly, shooting you a half smile that made butterflies erupt inside you. He could still do that to you despite dating for a while now and living together. 

The two of you watched more of his filmography all the way to the Vanishing. During a particularly jumpy scene, you ended up nearly jumping in Hayden’s lap. Your legs were on top of his, and most of your butt had scooted over onto his lap. 

Embarrassed a little bit by your needlessly scared actions, you turned around to apologize, blushing. 

“Oh, uh sorry,” you said as you eased yourself off his lap. 

He chuckled a low, sweet laugh. “It’s fine,” he assured. 

Just as you scooted off of his lap, the two of you were face to face, your legs still on his thighs. His mouth was just a few inches from yours. You stared at him, then stared down at his lips. You slowly planted a kiss on his lips that he reciprocated by curing his hand up to your hair. Gently, he began lowering you back onto the couch before continuing to kiss your lips, your cheek, down your collarbone.

You were breathing quickly. You wondered if you were moving too fast with him, too fast since Jason. But nothing had ever felt more right. You and Hayden had so much in common, he shared the same humor, you lit up when you saw him, you still felt both incredibly comfortable around him but still got butterflies when you saw him. He lived in the country and he adored children. He understood the music business and he supported you. He believed in your dreams. No one else had ever done that for you. 

He and you saw everything the same way. He was everything you ever wanted and more. He was kind to you and sweet to you. If you’d built him yourself on paper, you couldn’t have done a better job. 

The more his mouth moved over your body, the more you wanted him closer to you. You laid down with him hovering on top of you, and before you even really realized what was happening, you two were a sweaty heap on top of each other.

You spent the night chasing releases and exploring each other physically. You gave yourself entirely to him and you didn’t look back. 

----------------------

You didn’t tell Hayden about the drugs or the offer of them during the first meet up. It was the first of a few, actually. You had already started the re-recording, on your second track now. You typically went in before your shift at the hotel. On your days off, you and Hayden would set up a date, if he wasn’t beat from filming. 

By now, you’d been to three parties where you’d been offered drugs, and the last two times it wasn’t Darren. Everyone was cool about it though when you said no. Didn’t make you any more comfortable around them, but that was a hazard of the job.

Tonight was your tenth official date with Hayden. The two of you agreed to keep it simple since you were tired from working two jobs and he was filming for 10 hour days. Tonight’s location was a simple italian restaurant in the heart of the city. 

“So how’s the recording? I haven't heard much. Is it going well or better than you expected?” 

“It’s good,” you said, nodding. “Better than I imagined actually. I was so nervous the first day. I thought they’d rethink signing the contract. I worried they'd think I sounded like the worst thing they’d ever heard.”

He laughed slightly and said, “Oh my god. No, why would they think that?”

You shrugged. “I guess because this is too good to be true. Like, this kind of stuff doesn’t happen to me, or people like me. I’m just, I’m a nobody, and I’m being discovered by a guy who produces artists that top the charts weekly.” 

“But you’re great. This guy heard you sing in the lobby and then heard your demos and he wanted more.” 

You nodded. “Yeah, I know but still, it’s so hard to believe it’s real.” 

“I know the feeling. Believe me, it doesn't really get easier,” he informed with a smile.

“Oh, that’s so good to know,” you said, laughing. “How about you? How is filming going?”

“Really great. I really like this new project. I wish you could come on set,” he said, gesturing to you. “I think you’d have fun.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Just as you went to ask him something, a brunette woman walked up to the table. She wasn’t your waitress, so you had no idea who she was. She came up behind Hayden at first, then stopped just next to him at the table. 

He saw a figure out of his peripheral vision. He glanced over to her, then did a double-take. 

“Rachel?” he greeted, completely flabbergasted. “What--What are you doing here?” 

“I saw you, from the window, thought I’d come in and say hi,” she said before glancing at you. “And this is...?”

“Oh, sorry, uh, Y/N this is Rachel, Rachel this is Y/N.” 

You held out your hand before the name Rachel registered with you. Just as she went to shake  your hand, you remembered who she was.

His ex. 

The mother of his child. 

She shook your hand, smiling warm and friendly before she turned back to Hayden. “Could I talk to you for one second?” she requested.

“Uh, sure.” He glanced back to you before scooting away. “I’ll be right back.” 

“Yeah, I’m just gonna borrow him for one quick second,” she said. “So good to meet you.” 

“Yeah, you too,” you said, trying to hide your confusion and slight offense. 

You watched the two walk outside and they talked for a few minutes before Hayden rejoined you at the table. 

“Hey, everything okay?” you asked sweetly, putting your hand on his. 

“Yeah, fine.” He pulled his hand back and sat it in his lap. 

“Are you sure? You seem a bit rattled--”

“I said I’m fine,” he snapped. “Let’s just finish our dinner, okay?” 

Pulling away from him, you stared at him, concerned. “Oh, okay, yeah, sure.” 

The two of you finished your dinner in silence. You had tried to question him a few times, but nothing happened. When you two got home, the atmosphere had shifted. It was no longer this lovely, warm, sweet air. It felt cold, distant, tense.

“I had a good time,” you tried as you stood between the two doorways to the bedrooms. “If you want, we could watch--

“Yeah, listen I'm gonna hit the hay. I’m beat. Thanks though. Goodnight.” He barely looked at you as he shook his head while talking. He gave you a quick glance and then went inside his bedroom. 

You frowned, having no idea what you did wrong. 

------------------------

The next day, you saw Hayden in the morning as the two of you headed into work. You were on your way to the studio and he was on his way to film. 

“Oh, hey,” you greeted him happily. “So weird about seeing Rachel last night. Are you okay?”

“Huh, yeah, I’m fine,” he said as he poured a cup of coffee in his to-go cup. 

“Oh, good. If you want to talk about it, we can.”

He nodded. “Not now. I’m running late. I’ll see you later tonight, okay?” 

“Sure thing. See you later.” You went to kiss him but he just picked up his cup, smiled slightly at you, and swept around him. You frowned after him. 

When you got home that night, it wasn’t much better. He said he was tired and went into his room, barely even looking at you. 

This stayed this way for the next few days. You spoke to him, he would excuse himself and leave. You sat next to him on the couch, he’d get up to shower or go for a run. You’d offer to have a late dinner, he’d say he had already eaten. Everything you did, he found a way to avoid you. 

Until finally, on your day off, you stopped him as he came in the door. 

“Hey, can we talk? You’ve been kind of off lately, and I just want to check in with you.” You got close to him. “You’ve barely looked at me or talked to me.”

He began chewing his lip as his gaze cast to the floor. “I don’t think we should date any more,” he said. 

The air left the room. 

“I--I-- What did you say?” you stammered, frowning. 

“Look, I’ve thought about it and I think it’s best if we just remain friends. I really like you but…” 

“But… what? You decided to get in my pants and just leave?” you wondered, anger building up inside you. “I mean, was the sex that bad?” you asked, trying to lighten the mood, but also trying to sincerely understand what happened between you two.

He shook his head and ran a hand down his face. “No, that’s not it at all. I swear. I really do like you, I just…” 

“Just what, Hayden? I deserve an explanation. We were fine. We were more than fine, or happy, so I thought. I mean, what the hell?” you demanded, completely confused. 

“I just think… Look, you and I met under some shaky circumstances. I just don’t want just to be…”

“To be what?” you pressed. 

He finally looked up and looked into your eyes. “To be each other’s rebounds,” he informed. 

You shook your head. “You’re not my rebound. You’re… you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and now you just want to throw that all away?” 

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea for us to keep dating. Rebounds often feel like they’re the best thing in the world, because it masks the pain--”

“I’m not masking shit! I thought I loved Jason, I really did. But after we broke up, I realized I just loved the idea of being with him. I got comfortable with him. I told you this. But you and I… I thought we were real, I thought we had a future.” 

“I thought we did too, but I’ve re-evaluated our situation, and I don’t think our heads are in this.”

Shaking your head, you were spinning. “I don’t understand. We were fine! Weren't we? We were having fun. I thought things were really good between us. Did I do something wrong?” 

“No, no,” he assured. “It’s nothing like that.”

“So, this is it then? You just think of me as a rebound and after you get in my pants to forget about your ex, you just want to throw me aside?” you shouted. 

“No!” He stepped forward and squeezed your shoulders. “I care a lot about you,” he started.

You wrenched out of his grasp. “Just not enough to stay with me? Hmm? It’s fine. I get it. All guys have ever done to me is use me. Get me to like them, I treat them well, just when I think it’s going great, I get dumped. Rinse, repeat. Whatever. I’m over this.” 

You stormed into your bedroom and slammed the door, turning your stereo nearly all the way up. You got ready for bed and curled up, letting the tears flow. Your chest hurt so bad from feeling this way, from feeling so… used, so betrayed. 

You were far from over this. You were far from fine. Out of everyone you’d ever been with, Hayden made the most sense. He seemed to fit you so perfectly. He fit your life so well. 

And now, he wanted out, like everyone else you ever got close to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[astraeagreengrass]

Delicate

Steve has an important question to ask you

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader

Word Count: 2.051

Warnings: Idiots in love, fluff

A/N: I couldn't let this month end without submitting something for 30 Days of Chris, a wonderful initiative by @jtargaryen18​ to celebrate Chris Evans and his characters. This was proof-read by @xbuchananbarnes​. The title and inspiration came from Taylor Swift's Delicate. I hope you like it ♡

Is it cool that I said all that? Is it chill that you're in my head? 'Cause I know that it's delicate (Delicate) Is it cool that I said all that? Is it too soon to do this yet? 'Cause I know that it's delicate Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?

Thunder clapped in deafening noise, briefly drowning out the relentless honking of cars stranded on 6th Avenue.

Storms weren't that unusual for New York City, but you always felt like they didn't belong - as if even Mother Nature's mood swings couldn't compare to the might of the concrete jungle, with it’s skyscrapers reaching as high as the sky itself. The city was a man-made wonder, cemented with defiance instead of concrete. It was the perfect place for a superhero to call home.

And his home was too far from yours, literally and figuratively. Still, Steve Rogers was nothing if not worth the effort of bracing the traffic from Brooklyn to Manhattan during rush hour on a rainy Friday evening.

You’d taken the day off work to get dolled up at your cousin's salon. Tried on different updos, changed your nail color twice and your lipstick shade thrice. Spent the savings you didn't really have on a dress you couldn't really afford and got blisters on your feet from practicing walking with stilettos. Going to a Stark Foundation gala was not a typical night in your life, even if you were maybe, sort of, dating Captain America.

It was a grey zone, the same shade as the heavy clouds that overcast the days you spent apart. Steve was spring; he was the early morning sun and fresh flowers blooming. A a week without him and the city - hostile and relentless and screaming his name at every corner - darkened.

You’d gone longer without seeing him, of course, but that was before he flooded your veins with golden infatuation. Steve Rogers was in your blood now and you didn’t even notice how he got there. Was it in late January, having coffee together after months of running the same trail? Or possibly in early March when you walked the Brooklyn bridge at night, just you, him and the specks of snow lazily trickling down from the heavens as Steve kissed you for the first time? Perhaps it was yesterday when his throathy, tired voice whispered through the phone: "I miss you".

You hadn't talked about it, whatever it was. You'd run together everyday, eat pizza at tiny hole-in-the-wall restaurants and kiss - soft pecks and gentle brushes to his nose and cheeks that'd turn into a tug of your bottom lip and a swipe of his tongue - but you weren't his girlfriend. He hadn't asked you to be. And maybe if he was any other guy you wouldn't have such anxiety over not knowing, but Steve was old fashioned.

The fragility of you and him was haunting. If Steve was spring then you were autumn, falling apart for him little by little, like brown leaves disentangling from their trees. It was terrifying to now know if he would be there to catch you before you hit the ground.

And yet, hope lingered. It lived in the scratch on fingertips as you paid the taxi driver and in the stray raindrops that wet your skin ahead of the doorman coming to your rescue with an umbrella. It trickled from your words as you gave your name to the hostess and swooshed the air around the skirt of your dress as you entered the main part of the building.

Hope was a tall, blond-haired man waiting for you on the top floor, the first person you saw when the doors open and you exited the elevator. Steve's handsome face breaks into a relieved smile, tugging at every one of your heartstrings. With one, two, three strides he has in you in his arms.

"Hi," he breathes out in your hair. "Thank you for being here."

"Of course," you whisper back, because there's honestly nowhere else you'd rather be.

Steve is sure his bones have dissolved, and the only thing keeping him standing is the press of your body against his. He feels frail, weak as he was before Erskine's serum; he feels strong, stronger than science could ever make him. He dies a thousand deaths and comes alive a million times in the brief, yet infinite moments of your hug.

"I love you," he almost screamed to the crook of your neck, holding it back at the last second.

Tony’s warned rung in his mind:

"Things are more casual these days, Capsicle," he’d explained one morning over breakfast. "You don't really ask if she wants to be your girlfriend. It happens naturally."

But Steve wanted to ask. He wanted to meet your parents and stress over making a good impression. He wanted to court you. He wanted to introduce you to every single person in this lousy party as his girl.

A throat being cleared broke you apart. A pretty redhead woman stands a few feet away, hands clasped behind her back and a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“You must be Y/N,” she smirks. “I’m Natasha.”

She was quicker than Steve's protest, snatching you by the arm away from him and into the glittering crowd.

"Romanoff!" he exclaimed.

"Get over it, Rogers," she retorted, then, as if you two were old friends, whispered: "Everyone's been dying to meet you."

Natasha maneuvered your bodies between the guests, nodding politely to some and waving to others, while Steve followed like a lost puppy. Unlike her, Steve wasn't as good as excusing himself from the admirers and he swiftly lost you in the sea of adulation.

By the bar, two men watched the scene, failing miserably at hiding their laughs. You knew them, of course. Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes, Steve's best friends and teammates. Avengers - just like the woman holding onto you.

Bucky was more reserved, offering you a handshake and a pleasant smile, but Sam was a hugger and a hell of a good one. He had a mischievous grin when he said:

"I can't believe I've finally met the famous Y/N!"

You couldn't help but raise an eyebrow.

"I'm famous?!"

Bucky snickered.

"Damn right you are! Do you know how long we've been asking Cap to bring you over? I must say, there were times I thought you weren't real," he shrugged, still grinning, and Natasha playfully punched him in the arm.

"Ignore bird brain over here," she said. "Although he's right: it did take too long for Steve to introduce you."

"Only he didn't," Bucky quipped. "I'm sure I saw you interrupting their moment by the elevator."

"He was never gonna let her go if I didn't!" she justified. "Besides, it was his turn to interact with the mayor. I heard his monologue for the past two parties and I'm not doing it again."

Looking over your shoulder, you saw Steve a few yards away chatting - or rather, listening - to the mayor. He had his hands on his waist and a frown between his eyebrows, but, as if he felt you watching, his face relaxed and he smiled - bright and warm and Steve.

Sam whistled.

"Damn, he's smitten."

The mayor held Steve up for several more minutes - enough for you to decide to not vote for him if he tried reelection. And although it was a nerve-wracking to be in their presence at first, Natasha, Sam and Bucky engaged you in friendly conversation as if you'd know each other for ages, laced with easy going banter and funny anecdotes about Steve.

"So when we get to the first loop, Stevie's gone green," Bucky recounts "And lemme tell ya, I've never knew someone so skinny could throw up so much. The girl in the car in front of us started screaming because his guts went straight to her hair."

You laughed, a little louder than you would when talking to someone for the first time, but perhaps that was because Natasha made her drinks on the stronger side or because you could just picture Steve throwing up at Coney Island.

"Please tell me you're not telling her about that time at the Cyclone," someone groans behind you and a familiar pair of arms wrap around your waist.

You'd failed to notice how beautiful he looked when you walked in, or rather, how beautiful his outfit was. Steve was always handsome, but seeing him in a suit brought butterflies to your stomach. Your gaze followed the sharp line of the jacket, perfectly fitted to his broad shoulders, until they met his lapels and tie. He was an art piece, a sculpture, and he was looking at you.

"I'm stealing her back, Romanoff," he announced, helping you out of the bar stool before your new friend could protest. Whisking you away to a makeshift dance floor, Steve twirled you before tucking you closer than what would be considered well-behaved. His chest was as hard as a rock under the smooth cotton of his shirt, which smelled heavenly.

"I'm sorry about Natasha," he whispered to the crown of your head.

"It's ok," and it really was. "Your friends are nice."

Steve scoffed.

"They like giving me shit."

"I think they love you," you said, and only after your words were out in the open you realized their double meaning.

He pulled back by an inch, just enough to tilt your head up.

"I love them too," he smiled, and every single piece of you broke down in passion.

Neither of you were good dancers, but for a while you swayed side to side to the smooth sounds of the live band. It could've been minutes or hours - time was irrelevant next to the magnitude of Steve Rogers - but when he spoke again the room was noticeably emptier.

"I need to ask you something."

You nodded, wordlessly telling him to carry on.

"I know things are different these days," he mumbled, and anyone less attuned than he was probably wouldn't have heard it clearly. "But I feel bad about possibly leading you on."

Oh, no.

Oh, God, no.

You stalled, dropping your arms down and away from him, mouth twisting in a perfectly shocked "O".

"You're joking,” you stuttered. "You brought me here to say you're leading me on?"

It made no sense. You'd been talking everyday, even while he was away for his mission. You'd met his freaking friends. You hated being the girl that freaked out over being dumped - were you being dumped? Or was Steve just not into you the way you were into him? - but disappointment rung loud in your ears and left a bitter taste in your tongue.

"What? No!" he exclaimed. "I don't want to!"

"You don't want to?"

"I don't want to lead you on but I feel like I am," he blurted out, cheeks getting pinker by the second.

"Oh, that is rich," the remaining guests were beginning to stare now, but you couldn't care less. "Are you even sure of anything at all?"

"I know that I don't want to keep doing this," he motioned for the space between you, “if we're not on the same page."

That was it then. The end. And you'd spend so much money on this dress!

"Well, I'm sorry for wasting your time," you whispered, tears threatening to spill at any moment. "I really thought you liked me."

You turned to leave, disappear down the elevator and forget this night ever existed, but Steve grabbed your arm as if you weighed nothing, infuriating you even more.

"What?" you seethed. "You'd fooled me for months. Can't you let me go now?"

"You think I don't like you?" he was flabbergasted.

"Clearly you don't since you feel oh so terrible about 'possibly leading me on'," you air quoted his previous statement.

"I don't want to lead you on into thinking I don't want anything serious," he said. "I want serious. I want you to be my girlfriend."

Yes.

Oh, God, yes.

"Really?" you gasped.

"Really," and nothing was more beautiful than his smile. You'd keep it in your mind's locket forever.  "I'm in love with you, Y/N."

Outside, the rain was still pouring. It would go on throughout the weekend, washing away the last of winter, but inside spring had arrived in the soft, welcoming lips of Steve Rogers.

By the bar, Sam slid a hundred dollar bill to Bucky's metal hand.

"I told you he'd do it,” the Sergeant smirked.

"Yeah, yeah. I just hope he gets better by the time he proposes."

[ilooklikeaburntchickenugget]

False God

A/N: Inspired by False God, by Taylor Swift. Also I put in so many Taylor song references (I’m also a Swiftie, I had to), so you might find those. Hopefully. Pairing: Gerard Way (2007, EMA era) x F! Reader Warnings: Steamy, definitely steamy, no explicit smut though. And swearing. Word count: 1,542

(Here’s the song, if you haven’t heard it)

We were crazy to think Crazy to think that this could work Remember how I said I'd die for you? We were stupid to jump In the ocean separating us Remember how I'd fly to you?

“Gerard-” You moaned as he slammed your body onto the bed. The sheets engulfed you almost instantly as his lips continued to assault the various sweet spots on your neck, going up to behind you ears where his mouth would whisper the dirtiest things about his intentions with you.

“Yes, darling?” He asked, trailing down further and further, his hands keeping your hands tied above your head. He had gone to the right side of your neck, right above your shoulder and began placing soft kisses before attacking your weakness. You let out a loud moan and sigh, you could feel him lightly chuckle as he was in power.

“Right there, baby, right there.” “Anything for you sugar.”

And I can't talk to you when you're like this Staring out the window like I'm not your favorite town I'm New York City I still do it for you, babe

You were awoken to no one next to you, only your bare body and the scent of Gerard. “Gee?” You called out lightly, your eyes still adjusting to the sun which projected itself into the room and across the floor. You looked up to see him gazing out the window, fascinated by the bustling city below.

You got up, grabbing the nearest article of clothing which happened to be his dress shirt from the night before. The fabric fell on your mid-thigh and exposed some of the hickeys on your neck and chest. You walked over to him, wrapping your arms around his chest from behind and giving him a kiss on the head as he rubbed your arm. “You’re gorgeous.” He said, looking up at you.

“I could say the same for you.”

They all warned us about times like this They say the road gets hard and you get lost When you're led by blind faith Blind faith

“When are we finally going to open up, Gerard?” You asked him, your anger slowly rising within you.

“I don’t know, Y/N,” He fought back, “I was hoping to keep this between the two of us for a while.” “It’s been a while,” You replied, “Almost nine months.” He sighed, “No one knows, Gee, no one but us. Not even our parents. Not even our siblings.” He aggressively ran his hand through his messy raven hair.

“Because no one needs to know, Y/N/N,” He continued, “What we have is something really special. And I know that sounds cliche, but I’ve never felt this towards anyone.” “I get what you mean, I’ve never felt this either. But why can’t we show other people?”

“Because we just can’t.” “We just can’t?” You screeched, “Of course we can!”

“You need to calm down.” He said.

“I am calm!” You screamed. “Don’t raise your voice at me.” He warned, pointing his finger. “You’re going to regret it.” “Oh, how so?” You snapped, his eyes squinting slightly as his face turned to one of frustration and warning. “Watch me.” Within a few seconds your body was slammed against the wall, your hands pinned above you as his mouth attacked yours, his tongue entering yours and taking almost immediate dominance.

But we might just get away with it Religion's in your lips Even if it's a false god We'd still worship

Your relationship was under the radar for over a year. It was slightly making you lose your mind, you wanted to show off Gerard to everyone. But keeping this secret was fun, and you knew it only made both of you want to take more scandalous steps.

“Hey, babe.” You heard Gerard greet you as you got home, placing your trench coat on the coat rack and boots on the mat as you walked in from the stormy New York evening.

“Sorry I’m late,” You said walking over and giving him a kiss on the lips, “I was stuck in the studio.” “Understood.” He lightly smiled, continuing the painting he was working on in the spare room you had, which was an office/art space. His typical paint cardigan had a few new paint splatters you could tell.

“And what’re you so busy doing mister?” You asked playfully.

“Oh nothing.” He sighed, “It’ll be something soon, though, I promise.”

We might just get away with it The altar is my hips Even if it's a false god We'd still worship this love We'd still worship this love We'd still worship this love

Sitting down on the couch in your robe with a glass of red wine was how you spent the rare stormy nights in New York. The rain pattered on the floor to ceiling windows in your apartment, the lightning and thunder being seen and heard whenever striking. That of course didn’t stop you from watching whatever drama movies were on TV.

You felt Gerard give you a long kiss on the head, so you reached back and rubbed your fingers through his hair all while smiling. You couldn’t even notice your robe had come undone until you looked down to see his fingers pulling the strings which once tied the silk garment to you off all while kissing around your neck. “And what do you think you’re doing?” You asked.

“Trying to make you feel good.” He answered, continuing.

“Well,” You began, “Why don’t you make me feel good after you shower.” He sighed letting go.

“You know how to ruin a moment, sugar.” You lightly giggled. He took the wine glass out of your hand, drowning the rest rather quickly, before putting it back on the coffee table.

“While you’re up could you pour me another glass?” You asked, putting on your puppy dogs eyes. He sighed again.

“Of course, darling.” He replied, going to the kitchen instead of the bathroom first. He came back, a freshly poured glass in hand for you. “While I’m taking a shower, why don’t you check the art room.” He suggested and smirked, closing the bedroom door to go to the bathroom.

You lightly laughed at his mystery, getting up and wandering over to the corner room where you saw a sight that made you stop in your tracks. There sat a giant mural of your face, every feature prominent and perfect. You slowly approached it, admiring it for quite a bit of time.

It felt like a few minutes, but it became more when Gerard crept up behind you. “What do you think?” “It’s incredible.” You turned around to face him and smiled, “It’s done all too well to be honest, all my delicate features are there, everything.” You said.

“I’m glad you like it, I do too.” He responded.

“What are you going to name it?” You asked next.

“I don’t know.” He sighed, “But call it what you want.”

I know heaven's a thing I go there when you touch me, honey Hell is when I fight with you But we can patch it up good Make confessions and we're begging for forgiveness Got the wine for you

“For once just listen to me Gerard!” You yelled.

“Not when you’re being delusional, Y/N.” He fired right back, you two stood opposite of each other in the room, both pacing in your own corners.

“I’m not being fucking delusional!” You screamed, “You’re being a jackass!”

“Sometimes you’re so bitchy!” He replied.

“I’m what?” You asked, your voice going down, “Call me a bitch one more time.” You looked right into his eyes, his face now plastered with fear instead of anger. “You’re a dickhead, Gerard, and you clearly don’t know a damn thing about women.” You stormed off down the hall and to your room.

“Wait, Y/N, I-” He began following you, trying to grab your arm.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” You warned, tears filling your eyes, “Leave me the fuck alone.” You entered the master bedroom and slammed the door, marching over to the bed where you curled up and began crying.

You were so upset that he still didn’t want anyone to know about the two of you. You almost felt as if he was ashamed of you. Sure he was a rock singer and you were a pop singer, but you weren’t sure if that was enough to ruin his reputation, or even alter it in any way.

So you cried, for almost an hour, eventually hugging his pillow only to smell the familiar and comforting scent of your lover. “Y/N?” You heard him lightly knock, “Can I come in.” You sniffed and sat yourself up.

“Yeah.” You lightly said. There, walked in Gerard. His eyes were red, you could see he too has been crying.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” He said, “So sorry.” “I know,” You responded, “It’s alright.” He came over and sat next to you.

“I think we do need to let out family know, it’s been far too long. That way we can spend more time together, in public and such.” “Are you sure?” You asked, “I mean, only if you feel comfortable.” “Of course, darling.” He smiled, “I’m always comfortable when I’m with you.”

[mrsdr-ethan-ramsey]

At Last (Ethan Ramsey x f!MC)

Fluff here! Come get your fluff!! Also, what does it say about me that it was easier to write angst? Hope y’all enjoy a little look into Parker and Ethan’s relationship after they’re probably tortured in OH2. (Peep the Taylor Swift inspired parts of this fic❤️)

Tag List: @the-soot-sprite @ethandaddyramsey @silverlitskies@trappedinfandoms @samihatuli @sherlockedmcdonut @marywitchjane @awalker965 @openheart12 @flyawayboo @hatescapsicum @edith049 @princess-geek 

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Parker Kennedy)

Summary: Ethan and Parker are finally married and reflecting on some fond memories of how they got there.

Warnings: Just some fluffy good stuff. And some swear words.

Word Count: ~1300

Their love was one for the ages, and it was just starting. As Ethan held her in his arms as Parker Kennedy-Ramsey, he had never felt happier. This was the moment that he wanted to live in forever. How she managed to wiggle her way into his life, he didn’t know.

It started slow, all the small things she would do – saving him a spot next to her at conferences and fundraisers, resting her hand on his cheek when she wanted to convey her feelings, or bringing him a coffee if she went out. Then it was rapid after she blurted out that she loved him during a fight late at night while working on a difficult case.

“Dr. Ramsey I need to talk to you,” Parker said sternly as she barged into his office.

Surprised by the interruption, Ethan looked up at Parker’s fuming face. Just to irk her a little bit more, he slowly took on his glasses, set them delicately on the desk, folded his hands, then looked up at her. “What are you concerned about Dr. Kennedy?”

“You! You are purposefully making my life hell!”

“And why would I do that?”

His voice was calm and condescending, only pissing Parker off even more. She was shouting and waving her arms around meanwhile Ethan looked like nothing was bothering him. “I said what was causing the seizures and you didn’t listen to me! You only considered it when June said it again!”

“I didn’t hear you say it,” Ethan half lied, flicking through a few files his desk. He really hadn’t heard Parker, but it was because he had gotten distracted by her lips. She was wearing a new dark red lipstick and he couldn’t focus until he heard June’s British accent cut through the haze.

Parker scoffed at this, “Yeah, okay. You are never distracted at work. Just admit that you wish I wasn’t on the team!”

“Of course I want you on the team Parker.”

“Bullshit! You’ve been pushing me away since I’ve been here. And you want to know why I stay on the team? Huh?”

Ethan eyed the angry woman. She was livid. He knew that whatever he said would blow up in his face, so he went for went for a guess. “Because it’ll reflect poorly on you if you step down from this opportunity.”

“No! Because I am so helplessly in love with you that I would rather have you chewing me out every day then no contact at all!”

Her admission broke the dam holding all his feelings and suddenly he felt free. She loved him even though he tried to push her away. She loved him even though he disappeared on her. She loved him even though he was stubborn. She loved every part of him, unconditionally.

As he looked down at the blonde woman before him, dressed in an elegant ivory dress he said the only thing that was going through his mind. “You’re my best friend Rookie.”

“And you’re mine,” she whispered back, her hand coming to his check and softly brushing his beard. His instinctively leaded into her touch, not caring who saw him being soft with his wife.

Parker never thought that she would get to this moment with Ethan. A part of her thought that Ethan would always keep himself an arm’s length away from her. She had thought that he would never be able to accept the fact that he deserved love and happiness. But there they were, dancing to an old Rat Pack song surrounded by friends and their built family after their small wedding.

The wedding hadn’t been a big deal. Just a handful of people at a small church in Boston. Parker had insisted on being married in a church and Ethan was just happy to be there with her. After, they invited almost everyone at the hospital to come to Donahue’s for drinks and food. It had been a beautiful autumn day and Parker wouldn’t change a single thing.

As they swayed on the sticky floor, Ethan looked over Parker’s head. “Naveen and Sienna are crying again,” he murmured.

Parker let her hand fall back to Ethan’s shoulder and looked back before resting her head on Ethan’s chest. “I kind of expected this when they were both in tears at the ceremony. I didn’t think they would cry this much though.”

“It’s because they didn’t think we’d make it here either,” Ethan replied with a wry smile.

Parker slapped his shoulder gently, “Don’t say that! I didn’t think you’d ever ask.”

That made Ethan chuckle, “I’m pretty sure you asked me to marry you.”

“Not true. I was teasing when I said it, you’re the one who pulled out the ring!”

Ethan had had the ring for about a month. The bright Tiffany blue box was hidden from Parker and all he was waiting for was the perfect moment to ask her to marry him.

The night he was going to ask her, he got off work early to go home and make her dinner.  Candles were lit everywhere and Jenner was wearing the little bowtie that Parker had bought for him. The last Ethan had heard Parker was having a good day, but that ended up not being the case. Parker walked in the door, hair knotted from a kid yanking at it, baggy surgical scrubs on because she had been barfed on, and a bump on her head was forming from supplies falling on top of her. When she walked into their apartment to see candles, soft romantic music, and Jenner running around clean, she broke down in tears at the door. It had been one of the worst days at the hospital that she had had in awhile.

Ethan was so worried that he completely forgot his plan, only to have Parker say to him, “This is as good as it gets Ethan, take it or leave it.”

“I’ll take it,” he said with a smile.

“Sure,” she scoffed, wiping away her smudged mascara “Then you’re going to need a ring.”

Without hesitation, he pulled out the box and opened it. A single emerald cut diamond ring sat in the box. He just stood there, looking down at her (she told him that if he ever did ask her to marry him she wanted him standing as her equal not on his knees begging).

The only words Parker could say through new sobs were, “Ethan, you shouldn’t have spent so much on a ring!”

As the night went on, it was filled with laughing and drinking. Elijah kept the music going and Sienna made sure everyone had enough food and sweets. Meanwhile, Jackie made sure that Parker was never without a drink in her hand. While Parker was dancing with her friends, Ethan was sitting with Naveen watching everything around him.

Naveen looked between Parker and his protégé. He had never seen Ethan happier than this night. 

“I’ve never been more proud of you than I am tonight my friend,” Naveen said offhandedly.

“Why do you say that?” Ethan asked, looking away from Parker and at his friend.

“Because,” he started, sipping on a glass of water, “You put yourself before your work, and look at what it gave you.” He gestured toward Parker trying to teach her friends how to do the Electric Slide giggling uncontrollably as she nearly tripped over her dress. “You didn’t miss your chance Ethan; you took it.”

Ethan couldn’t stop the small smile as he lifted his glass of scotch to the older man. Together the clinked their glasses and went back to watching the merriment flash by around them.

This was Ethan’s new proudest moment. He jumped into the deep end with Parker and somehow they managed to not just tread water but to swim. His life couldn’t get better than finally being married to Parker.