#this is like deeply personal and intimate but im posting it for the people who might need to hear this

[cacaocheri]

we both deserve to be happy

in case anyone is wondering, it gets easier. it gets so so much easier and i hope you find the love you're looking for

[holmsister]

I think one of the things Dungeon Meshi is definitely about is how different people deal with being an outsider/marginalised/neurodivergent/what have you and basically what im getting at is that Kabru is TEXTBOOK "high functioning [insert diagnosis here]". Its that how they say it still? Don't care.

Basically. This man shows up and you listens to him talk and see how his party treats him and you think. Oh this is a cool guy who has his shit together. And then after like two pages you find out that he has constant flashbacks to Utaya that make him completely freeze, anxiety attacks, thought spirals, is incapable of analyzing his own feelings, is a stuttering mess when the stakes are high, has never done a chore in his life, keeps putting himself in triggering situations and re-traumatising himself, and the icing on the cake is when you read the extra material and it turns out he regularly forgets to eat and lives in a depression nest of dirty clothes and self-medicates insomnia with alcohol and also is 22. Which also kind of puts Misilril not wanting to let him go in another light - yeah for sure she's controlling and infantilising and also its not like she was really helping his issues but also she was not entirely wrong in her judgement. This man does NOT know how to take care of himself. He knows how to do the bare minimum so when he shows up at work the next day he can fool his coworkers into thinking hes got it together enough. For a bit.

He is DEEPLY unwell and he knows it but he is carried by the desperate wish to avoid another catastrophe. If he stops for a moment he KNOWS he'll collapse so he doesn't.

I also think this is why him acting nurse to Mithrun is such an important part of his arc. Its like. This person who has spent all of his adult life focused on a single objective disregarding everything else is faced with what happens when you do that for too long. And the result is a wet tissue of a creature who looks like he doesn't know where he is most of the time.

He is a man on the brink. I have no doubt he felt relieved when he decided he could trust Laios - not even in a Labru way, straight up because he knew he could not keep going like this.

But also like. Of all the characters in the manga, I think Senshi and Kabru are the most lonely ones. Except Senshi seems to be OK with solitude - for sure it's not entirely healthy to be alone for as long as he was but he definitely did well enough. He is very good at taking care of himself. Meanwhile Kabru *knows* a lot of people but can you really say he has friends? Rin, maybe, arguably, but even she does not seem to truly know him, you know? He keeps himself hidden from everyone. I think the only time we see him entirely honest is when he says to Laios that he wanted to be his friend, and hes so shocked when it comes out, you can tell he did not mean to say it. And differently from Senshi, he does NOT fare well alone. He likes people, he needs people. Again compare with Mithrun - he has like a squad of people taking care of him. If Kabru had a breakdown of that size can you say his party would go out of its way to help? Im not sure. Not because they're bad people, but because he's simply not that intimate with any of them.

Idk man it just struck me all of a sudden. Laios is weird and offputting and doesn't care about other humans the way Kabru does and YET he is infinitely more successful at building deep, meaningful relationships and taking care of himself as well. I think this is part of why Kabru is so fascinated with him as well. He can tell Laios has something he doesn't have. Wait this is turning into a whole another post I'll write this next time.

[tortor-sauce]

18+ POST LOOK AWAY 👹🔞 if you’re not 18+ PLEASE DNI with this post!! 👹🔞

(sketch and drabble and headcanons)

(jel/reth/oc stuff)

GO AWAY LOOK AWAY!!!!! IM WARNING YOU 🔪

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP I CANT EVEN TAG THIS I DONT EVEN WANT PEOPLE TO SEE BUT I HAVE TO SHOW SOMEONE AND TALK ABOUT IT OR I’LL EXPLODE!!!!

i’m too shy to share the whole picture IM SORRY—i just wanted to capture a few headcanons into a single shamelessly horny drawing of the three of them together. also, my thoughts are completely unorganized and this post is mostly just me rambling!

small disclaimer, if you don’t agree with or like my headcanons, that’s totally valid but please don’t tell me so 🙇 i kindly ask you just move on from this post. thank you!

okay. so i feel like both reth and jel are service tops HEAR ME OUT—like, they’re both just a couple of pathetic lover boys who are so head over heels in love with you. the fact they practically always gift you something when you flirt with them in-game (jel gifting silk and reth gifting soup) i feel is their attempts at spoiling you and taking care of you in their own way. they just want to see you happy and make you cum your brains out a thousand times until you can’t think straight anymore 🥺

and in general, i feel jel would love to shower you in compliments and words of praise and practically worship your body. while i feel reth is the type to show you how he feels and relish in watching you come undone with him. but personally 👉👈 i feel jel and reth align more closely as switches because they’re both so.. so soft and need to be spoiled and loved so deeply (no innuendo intended)

with that said, i think jel is a more intimate and passionate lover while reth is a bit more unhinged and rough. that’s not to say jel doesn’t have his sadistic bouts. i feel it stems directly from his obsessive nature and grows into a desire to watch you submit to him and his whims, sort of in a controlling way. but it makes him so happy when you do. the need to know you belong to him, both your heart and body, is honestly really important to him. i actually feel he has control issues due to a number of reasons but that’s a different discussion—💀 and he rewards you so thoroughly for showing him how much you love him. god, the aftercare? he’s so gentle and attentive and treats you like the most precious thing he’s ever held.

more on reth, while not as sadistic, i feel he’s still plenty controlling when he wants to be. the poor man has hardly any control in his day-to-day life and the fact you allow him an ounce of control? over your body of all things? yeah, that shit drives him mad (positive). gets a bit carried away and leaves marks on your body, hickeys, scratches, bruises, the like. but hey, at least it’s a pretty reminder of how much fun you had together. plus, if anyone sees they’ll know you belong to him. but he definitely teases you about it the following days by making sly comments and even running his fingers over the more sensitive marks.

so, in my polycule i envision moments where two will actively spoil the other. so for instance like when maddox and reth want to spoil jel and shower him in the love and affection he deserves, he gets all shy and blushy but relishes in the moment. he pays them back tenfold once they’re finished, but not that same night. maddox and reth make sure he’s completely worn out so he’ll finally get some damn sleep for once. reth is the same in that regard; he gets all shy and blushy but he enjoys being spoiled for once. not having to care about anything or anyone else and focus fully on himself and his pleasure. and the two know this and want to show him how loved he is. lowkey i imagine jel bringing him to tears, crying tears of pleasure and from overstimulation but that may be a personal thing of mine. 💀 and as for maddox? they both know exactly which buttons to push. i imagine them sort of egging each other along. i mentioned earlier i think jel has a sadistic side to him, well i think the same of reth albeit not nearly as prominent. like, the fact he teases and flirts so much could be for a number of reasons, but how lovely it would be if it were only to watch their reactions each time. with that said, maddox happens to be very reactive and discovering that fact in bed, like, awakens something inside of him to tease more, to push as much as maddox will allow him. and yes, he notices the way jel reacts to it too. it only makes him want to tease him for the fact as well 🥴 WHICH is why i drew him with that expression LMAO normally i would’ve imagined him with a much softer and kinder expression but i think he’s quick to lose himself in the throes of pleasure which causes him to act a bit selfish at times. but like i said, i see him as a service top so really his ‘selfish’ moments are him just spoiling maddie and jel and showering their bodies with so much love and attention.

i have so many more thoughts but this post is getting long and i’m getting embarrassed so i’ll stop there for now.

IF YOU READ THIS IM SORRY LOL BUT THANK YOU FOR INDULGING ME///////

[lakesbian]

@theiaphage ok i'm just going to make this into a post because tumblr replies have a really short character limit and i can go on At Length while im explaining alec vasil. the short answer is that:

Brian, Lisa and Taylor had their own dynamic.  They were friends.  He considered Brian a friend, but it was more along the lines of someone he could play video games with, talk about movies.  It wasn’t much different from if they were coworkers or roommates.  He smiled at the thought.  They kind of were, when it came down to it. Regent knew he was a background character, for the most part.  He played along, he didn’t make waves, he didn’t stand out.  He wasn’t close to any of the others.

(interlude 10) alec knows exactly where he stands with the team--i.e., that he's not close friends with anyone, and his relationship with brian is 'work friend i could talk about movies with.' there's no actual intimacy there, and he knows this, and he wouldn't cross the boundary of inserting himself into brian's personal home life to fuck with his car for A Bit.

the longer answer re what his dynamic with brian and aisha is actually like after she joins the team is this entire post which is good and i love. it's a crucial cornerstone of alec's character that he's deeply lonely. that's why his power is the ability to force people to help him or act like they care about, with the ironic twist that he can't force them to actually care about him, and he's aware how much they hate him the entire time. his entire life, he's been lonely and isolated and abused, he's been taught that no one will ever deeply care about him or want to support him, and he's learned his only options are either to be like his father and take it by force, or to just live as "a background character" and try to convince himself that he's okay with that.

so, it's meaningful for him that he has a light friendship with brian. it's not enough to change how isolated he is, it's not enough to change that he's not part of the more emotionally intimate brian-lisa-taylor dynamic he mentions. but it's a crumb of affection for a boy who's had virtually none for his entire life.

after he meets aisha, what i describe in the linked post happens:

brian doesn't get to be a teenage boy playfighting with another teenage boy anymore--now he has to be Brian Adultguy Laborn, Responsible, Firm-Handed Older Brother. he feels the need to place himself above alec & aisha, become an authority figure capable of keeping her safe. it's why they start eye-rolling and calling him & taylor "team mom and dad."

and the whole dynamic shift is so bittersweet because. alec is best friends with aisha. aisha is the closest he's ever been to anyone in his whole life. they have a deeply meaningful and intimate connection, one that's so powerful for alec that he ultimately decides that he'd rather die for aisha than live in a world without her. for the first time in his entire life, he's found someone who really gets him, and who trusts him to understand them back. but it comes at the cost of brian drifting away from him, not because of anyone's fault, but just because brian is traumatized in a specific way that means he doesn't know how to navigate aisha being on the team without treating alec poorly. over the span of just a few months he goes from playfully bantering with alec to sneeringly telling him to be quiet when the adults (i.e. him and some other people who are, like, 17) are talking. (& there's hints of this tendency of brian's even early in worm, when he like...chides alec for going 'woo triple headshot :)' abt his video game while taylor and brian are talking, but it's not even half as bad as it is after aisha joins.)

and alec does not react to this by clinging to him or by overestimating how close they are, nor by needing "a stern talking to" that educates him. brian tries to give him Stern Talking To's quite a few times in the book, and it's more or less always 1. condescending and unnecessary or 2. not unnecessary, but too condescending to be useful. and alec's reaction is never to go "oh ok i see sorry," even if brian is fully in the right--the way brian delivers it means that alec's ptsd toes are getting stepped allllll over and he reacts by just being dismissive and passive aggressively annoying until brian gives up/decides it's not worth the effort. i.e. exactly how alec has been trained to react to people scolding him as a child in order to minimize the vulnerabilities via which he could be targeted for abuse. guy who doesn't know how to express displeasure with someone without mimicking his shitty father & his tragic friendship breakup with guy who doesn't know how to react to someone expressing displeasure w/ him from a position of authority without responding like he's trying to avoid giving his shitty father a way to hurt him more than he already is. it's sad. :(.

[gg-selvish]

half-baked georgenap analysis re: banter and expressing remorse

im talking to my friend about this and i wanna go into a little bit more about the banter episode and sapnap's constant berating of george for how he treats people because i think i understand his frustration but i also understand why these situations happen and where the dissonance is and distrust stems from

sapnap has known george for a long time and he's one of george's best friends. it's pretty safe to assume he's around the number 2 slot, yeah? dream is first but sapnap is easily top 5 if not number 2 when it comes to george's friendships. they've been close for years, with a lot of quality time together (note: most intimate of which alone) to learn each other and the way they behave in reaction to different things. the issue is that the majority of this learning was online only where they were with friends or one on one and that can really warp one's perception of how a loved one can behave in reaction to negativity

i said this in my last post: george is incredibly multi-facetted and i dared to say multi-faced. there's a different george for every situation he finds himself in because he's quite versatile and adaptable perhaps because he can be a bit of a people pleaser but also because he just doesn't take things too seriously. he goes with the flow and has his set ways of acting but it's constantly changing and shifting depending on the stimulus (people, places, etc) around him

i think sapnap hates this. this is where i think the issue is.

sapnap is kind of stuck. i haven't really watched his solo content as much as i have with george but from my understanding of sapnap he's pretty much the way he seems: kindhearted, polite, excitable, a little shy, a little easy to rile up, but he's always pretty much the same person and vibe. whereas george behaves differently constantly. i don't want to be too repetitive of my other post but this is drawn from how other ccs have spoken about him so vastly: 'george is a sweetheart' vs 'george is a menace' vs 'george is just a guy'

sapnap has a favourite george. the one who talks to him quietly in comfychat about feelings and speaks for him when he's anxious and lets him carry him around at home and goes out with him to get food or just wander around whereever they are because they're together and their quality is really important to him. the george he's with alone who has the volume turned down is a george he feels comfortable with and understands, right?

so then we get sapnap now witnessing george and how he interacts with others, and we're going to focus on karl with the moped accident. something bad happened to someone they both care deeply about, and they, as two very different people, handle things like this differently.

george expresses guilt through expressions and quietly watching to make sure they're okay. he feels the remorse so heavily but he can't articulate how to make it better so he just shows it

but sapnap says sorry and helps people back on their feet. so he sees george react in his normal way and it pisses him off because he would have handled it differently. and the thing is they both care about karl A LOT. so george is drowning in guilt, sapnap is pissed that he's not expressing it 'correctly', and karl is just bleeding on the ground trying to explain to them that he can process george's remorse regardless of the outward expression sapnap needs to process it, and that just makes sapnap even more angry i think.

because george is always a different george, and other people can read through him when he lets them so he doesn't need to use his words because the other ways he expresses it may be more subtle, but people make the effort to meet him halfway and forgive him regardless of the lack of outright apology

but sapnap is always sapnap. his whole life he's stepped up to help and said sorry and proved that he feels guilty with words of affirmation and acts of service, while george just makes faces and gets stuck in his murky head of bad feelings. he just wants it to go away and be happy george again, so he doesn't apologize or dwell on the issue, he wants to move on and make it up to that person with something he's more acquainted with: jokes, smiles, sunshine stuff

maybe the way sapnap sees it is this: he grovels, and george doesn't, and no matter what they're both forgiven in the end. from his perspective he does more than george to earn forgiveness, and this is a fact in his life that frustrates him. i think it warps in his head that george isnt doing enough, instead of doing it differently. so he gets mad and wants george to do the sapnap thing instead of the george thing but that's never gonna happen. because george is george and sapnap is sapnap and as we all know they're incredibly different in all aspects of their personality and self (it's one of the reasons i like smashing them together like barbie dolls so much)

cool blue and burnt orangey-red, two very different colours for two very different people. george is passive in pain and sapnap is assertive and maybe even aggressive in his comfort for whatever the pain is that was caused, it's just a matter of them learning that their feelings are the same and thats why their forgiveness is the same. but it looks so different in progress and i think george is unwilling to change while sapnap is being a little short-sighted. an immovable object vs an unstoppable force.

[stardustdiiving]

What popular familial headcanons do you not like? If you're willing to share, of course

This post was specifically about parent / child interpretations of Zhongli & Xiao and Nahida & Wanderer ! which r my favorite genshin character dynamics and also involve my two category 5 genshin blorbos . Like obvious disclaimer I don’t have a problem with people liking said hcs but I have kind of a bad grudge against both bc I’m a bit polarized out of people just Really Really insisting on them whenever I talk / make fanworks about the characters ☹️ along with just really not liking the characterizations attached to both dynamics esp in how they handle Xiao & Nahida

Elaborating on both for fun & how I like to characterize them under the cut

I like Zhongli & Xiao as a form of character study where you kind of lean into the god/follower power dynamic and the way Xiao’s idea of duty/devotion blends with his internalized dehumanization. The idea is Xiao gives Zhongli a lot of power over him bc he wants to be devoted to Zhongli as a weapon more than a person while Zhongli is, used to being in a position of power but trying to navigate around this bc he wants Xiao to learn to exist outside suffering

Its not a very actively destructive dynamic for either of them but it’s kind of challenging Xiao’s dehumanization of himself and willingness to die/suffer for Zhongli out of a deeply engrained loyalty and devotion to him. I like zhongxiao (their ship) in the sense I think it can be fun to throw in very unbalanced complicated romantic feelings into this for added drama/ambiguity because I had my brain chemistry rewired by Pearl & Rose from Steven Universe when I was 11. I was so captivated by the idea of Pearl having such an intimate and tragic and self destructive devotion towards another woman it single handedly made me comphrend the fact I could gay

I’m just really not into the father/son portrayal bc I feel it’s just really awkward and weird to do any of the complicated emotional introspection or w/e I’m interested in doing w the dynamic through that lens. Also there’s only so many times u can draw zhongxiao and have people insist on interpreting it as father/son (?????? Soemtimes even while acknowledging i specific my work as romantic omg) before you just get kind of uncomfortable with it….im not a fan of the characterizations either…I feel ppl infantilize xiao a lot and EURFH idk it just makes me uncomfortable to think about bc of how I view the characters personally yk

Nahida & Wanderer I do enjoy exclusively platonically / even as found family, but I am a rare case of being a Nahida fan over a Scaramouche fan so it doesn’t do much for me when Nahida is reduced to being his mom/therapist/etc especially when a big reason I love hat radish is the way both characters compliment each other and make the dynamic a fun ground for mutual character study

I specifically don’t like her as a maternal figure because well. Nahida is a 500 year old child and I think this is important to her character & how she furthers the themes of Sumeru. The entire reason she’s neglected her entire life is bc she’s a child and the sages disregard the idea a child has any “useful” wisdom to offer them and feel emboldened to mistreat her because of that. Its that kind of mindset that we’re in conflict with throughout Sumeru. To have the Archon be a child who is still really smart and full of wisdom is like. Thematically sound to the story when the message is essentially don’t use wisdom/knowledge as a way to disregard people and seek only power/control. Its that exact mindset that Scaramouche, as an antagonist, is the cumulation of in the AQ

So to have him come to respect Nahida and listen to her is really sweet, and I think it’s additionally sweet when you lean into this kinda duality of Nahida being really wise and in a position of authority but also a kid, and Wanderer 100% rolls with it. (Especially given the fact Wanderer is established to have a soft spot for kids, I like imagining Nahida’s more childish qualities put him at ease and r something he actively likes about her—which is sweet when it’s her childishness that she was disregarded for yk) I think ppl struggle to grapple with that kind of contradiction of Nahida being a child on some level but not the same as an average human child, which is a shame bc that’s something I like seeing interpretations on

So with all of this in mind if I am viewing a character as a child where a big part of her character is it was wrong to disregard her as a God of Wisdom bc she’s a child, I don’t exactly find it really appealing or cute to have her dynamic with a character who is absolutely treated like an adult man in the writing be her parenting him and tending to all of his emotional angst 😵‍💫 the way it’s done esp with Scara being likened to an immature edgy teenager son here (which is kinda ooc to me) while ppl insist on Nahida being the mom feels very. Well. I am not really a fan of the idea of a female character being reduced to the mom friend and people being more willing to view a fictional adult male character as a “teenager” than the girl who again I feel is on a certain level written as a child? I and unfortunately it makes up maybe 70% of Nahida showing up in fanon NSJNDJCKDNND

[littlestpersimmon]

i started reading the series (aaa im not sure which part is the actual series name so sorry) with the fitz / the fool as a kid but i never got too far in the series so i was really surprised to see you post about tones of mlm (esp bc my dad was the one who owned this series and suggested i read it, and hes homophobic as shit) i was just curious, what is the nature of the relationship of fitz & the fool in the series? (the snippets you posted just before, seemed like unrequited love?) im esp intrigued of your interp of it as someone who is mlm. though, pls dont feel like u have to go into it if its too extensive to go into or anything though or if u just dont wanna!

Fitz and the Fool's relationship tends to go under the radar, but you wanna know whats hilarious though? Some of the oldest comments in goodreads and ancient forums online complain that Fitz should have realized that the Fool was actually a woman and that the Fool is Fitz' true love, lol. Canonically, The Fool is genderqueer, using he/him and she/her, depending on who is present, and the Fool is canonically, outright in love with Fitz. It's accepted that Fitz and the Fool are canonically romantic, but only at the very end of the series, in their deaths.

My personal interpretation is that Fitz is gay and not bisexual.

That's my Personal Opinion, as in, you guys can disagree. Molly never stops feeling like puppy love, like someone Fitz cares about because of what she represents and not of who she is as a person. I don't like complaining about canon, but rote is my one exception. People rag on Anne Rice all the time for being notoriously anti fanfic, but what she was saying at the time was shared by many other authors, Robin Hobb included, whose anti fanfic post made it to encyclopedia dramatica. Robin Hobb said "for Fitz to be gay is a destruction of his character". Robin Hobb said that nobody in realm of the elderlings gets a fairytale ending because that's not how the world works, while Burrich is conveniently killed so Fitz can marry Molly.

Fitz is terrified of coming out to Robin Hobb.

Maybe that's why the Fool says Fitz shows his love from his actions. Fitz says he could never desire the Fool sexually, but when faced with the possibility of the Fool being intimate with someone else (Jofron), he is devastated. Fitz doesn't like Amber because not only does Amber (who is the Fool as a woman) forces Fitz to confront his own transphobia, she also makes Fitz uncomfortable with his own homophobia. The Pale Woman is also a good example of this. She promises to give Fitz what Beloved could never give him, she promises to "perfect" What Fitz has with Beloved, and all the while, the Pale Woman's most effective weapon against Fitz is of how much she reminded Fitz of the Fool.

Robin Hobb made it a point that her series always veered toward unsatisfying endings because that was how realistically the world worked, so it makes me wonder why Fitz didn't end up with women like Jinna or Starling, who both would have been more narratively interesting (imagine Starling, who hated the Fool, popping out Bee, a kid who looked just like the Fool.)

Fast forward to Fitz in Withywoods where he is unhappy with his life. His relationship with Molly is never shown but told, and you, as the reader will just have to be convinced of it. He stays in his little room aching for his wolf and his friend, never telling anyone about them, always feeling like a part of him is missing.

Fitz never takes the initiative when it comes to how he loves people. The way he loves is unassuming and reticent, and not everyone will understand that, but the Fool did. Throughout his entire life, starting from their childhoods in the castle as outcasts.

They're canon kind of by the 3rd book of Farseer, but the flirtation between them is deeply subtle, always brief, it's like Fitz only seeing the Fool through a hallway made of sheer curtains until the very end of the 17th book where he tears down all the thin walls between them to be wholly together.

It's funny how the Fool is the one throughout the series poking and prodding Fitz, needling him and initiating the little proclamations of love and devotion and you get angry at Fitz for not reciprocating until you realize the Fool is also guarded, has his own walls up.

To Molly, Fitz is newboy, to the Farseers, Fitz is the son of Chivalry, to Starling he was the promise of a song, but to the Fool, he is the closest he will ever be to Keppet, the boy who was loved by his mountain mother, and the boy who was loved by the white prophet

And in the very end Fitz is the one who has the resolve; that he wants to be with the Fool, more than anyone else, in his dying thoughts he wanted only to be with the Fool, who still has his walls up, until Bee tells him

"don't you realize you were loved the best?"

[swifty-fox]

so im. currently writing a gale / john au of my own, and john is a tattoo artist in it. and as per an ask earlier you said you hated when tattoo fics were under reasearched-- so what things in particular bother you??

oh man okay disclainer: i am NOT a tattoo artist i just have a hyperfixation and also am trying to become one. also dated one (don't do that)

my biggest pet6 peeve is i see a lof of writers calling it a tattoo "gun" and they would never do that, that's what people who don't tattoo call it. The artist is always gunna refer to it as a tattoo 'machine'

tattoo machines are originally made out of doorbell motors fun fact. this here is your very traditional coil tattoo machine. A lot of artists use or have switched to the wireless Pen types but as an aesthete I love the classics.

Improper aftercare/ unrealistic post tattoo life.

Getting tattooed hurts. it puts your body through it you're going to be walking around with an open wound for a few days. No sex no touching it etc. but tattoo aftercare CAN be very sexy and intimate. partner washing the area nice and gently and then patting it dry and applying lotion.

I just personally love the methodology of tats. I LIKE to see the author has a knowledge of what they're writing about so I also look for the details and when I don't see it part of me is always oh :/ okay

Snippets from my oc story:

“Ever had a tattoo before?” He asks from where he was bent over a small hospital sink, headphones fully off his ears now as he fills a tiny cup with water and places it on a wheeling medical tray that was already covered with a box of surgical gloves, several more small cups, two packaged needles and a deconstructed tattoo machine. The rubber bands were the same bright yellow as Arnie’s headphones. His hands were bony and flushed at the knuckles; darkly tattooed with a mix of designs. Dom could make out a skull on one finger from where he was, as well as a cross, a dagger, and an assortment of meaningless designs. They threaded between a mix of heavy rings on the man's fingers, weaving between them seamlessly in a way that felt both entirely natural and deeply calculated. Dom found himself staring. 

“Yeah,” he answers, a beat too slow. “I wanted to get a cover-up done, actually.” 

Clink, clink, clink. 

The sound of Arnie removing his rings one by one, dropping them onto an empty ashtray echoed loudly around the room. His nails were painted with black chipped nail polish. He shoots Dom another friendly smile

-

“Just going to press really gently here,” Arnie murmurs, his now gloved hands applying pressure over the edges of the stencil to make sure the transfer was good. Dom is glad for the warning as his stomach flips uncomfortably. He exhales slowly. 

The next few minutes pass quickly as Dom tries to sit still so as not to smudge the still drying stencil. Arnie bustles about, putting on a clean pair of gloves, putting together his machine and testing it quickly before wheeling the tray of ink over. More cold goop is applied to Dom’s skin and he hisses again.

“Don’t remember this part last time.” He mutters, resisting the urge to cover the cold spot. 

“Yeah well, I can’t imagine your basement tattoo was done with much hygiene in mind.” Arnie says breezily, bracing a hand on Dom’s shoulder and leaning over him, “Ready?” 

Dom swallows against a dry throat. “Bring it.” 

I'm honestly being a lil lax with hygiene protocol here but.... its fine LOL. But little tidbits of the process of setting up and doing a tattoo all help it feel real!

[prettyboykatsuki]

ari other than obviously trusting & communicating with your partner do you have any nuggets of info to look out for or thoughts specifically wrt subspace and/or aftercare in bdsm—receiving or giving?

no pressure. im doing my actual due dilligence research its just some of these sites n sources sound hella clinical and robotic and ur an actual living breathing approachable sex-positive person in comparison so i thought to ask.

hello!! i want to start by saying im deeply underqualified for such an ask. i do play and have some experience but it is minimal imo given the fact i have 1. a long term partner and 2. have had like 3-4 subs in my life to play w otherwise + im very young. im not a professional so take my words as anecdotal / personal

but on an individual level im told im a good partner so here my person to person advice / things i do for aftercare to check in on people im having sex with

the cop-out answer is that every person is different and learning to gauge your partners needs is a matter of practice and patience. not everyone needs the same thing and that's alright. it's also something u should talk about before a scene!!!

this is a given but worth mentioning but the first step is always stopping any stimulation. turning off toys, untying your partner, taking out gags - things of that nature. changing the sensation slowly is important imo. after that check on any injury and see what level of care it needs. attend to these physical, immediate needs first.

now that that is taken care of this is my more personal thing

for me usually, there's a ten minute period of me simply talking my partner down from subspace. sometimes that's praise, sometimes it's idle talk and that depends on the person. but slowly letting someone down, assuring them that they're okay and you're with them. it's more about grounding really? the intensity of a scene can be jarring even it doesn't seem that way so for me this is like... a requirement. this includes some physical touch depending on who im with!! but i usually save that for the end. like post shower and shit

sensation check-ins come after. im a sadomasochist so in a lot of cases there is a fair amount of pain involved. i like to sit my partner down on the bed and sort of run my clean hands on an injury. i don't ask for pain scale on one to ten. i prefer to ask if they still feel mobile, if the pressure i put on the area is dull or sharp, how numb they are etc. this is smth you get better at slowly and u adjust to accordingly. if there's any injuries, i take note of them and care for them in the shower

basic hydration and sustenance. this one is important to me personally for a lot of reasons but you'll see it basically in every single bdsm aftercare advice things. normally i help my partner get down a bottle of gatorade and give them a protein bar. if someone is my established partner i basically always cook for them after we have like. sex sex djksdk but you don't always have to do all that lol. just make sure those basic needs are met for BOTH OF YOU!!!!! something light is fine just no empty stomachs it will lowk make u loopy and irritable

showering / cleaning up together!! wiping them down a warm towel, getting in the shower together stuff like that. i like having a little fun skincare routine if it was a super intense scene. but i think the act of helping your partner w that is always really nice and helps establish intimacy. i normally tend to wounds and such here.

as the domme aftercare for me is usually a lot of physical touch and being told my partner enjoyed what i did to them. it's also necessary for me to be able to dote on them in some way. it's hard to explain but being able to service my partner in an intimate nonsexual way is suuuuper necessary so i don't drop. i also love to be kissed.... some soft making out yk

it seems counterintuitive but it makes me a little anxious to not be able to do those things. helping w basic care and things like that are really important to me and someone letting me do that for me is also very important to me. i also like being able to stim afterwards w a chewy and zone out while my partners hangs out in my arms and we have like parallel play time.

i have different routines w every person ive ever been with but these are some of the more basic universals. again everyone is different. how intensive aftercare depends on how intensive a scene but i normally hit these four every time, just more or less in depth depending. i hope this helps you in some way!!!

[gay-jewish-bucky]

Personally as a virgin 25 year old non-asexual person who feels like I'm too old to be a virgin or as sexually reserved as I am in general, I like the idea that Cap is a virgin. I mean I do read his relationship with bucky as romantic, bit it's nice thinking there's someone as good and strong and interesting and admired as Steve Rogers that's also a virgin at my age and even older. It makes me kinda sad when people act like that's ridiculous. So like, I appreciate your "overreacting" rant

I'm glad I'm not alone. *❤️

Same goes for thinking of Bucky that way.

I think it plays into why I hold so tightly to them getting together post-CW, when they're in their early 30s. It makes me feel... normal? not broken? Like that it's okay if the "right time" takes a while, if it ever comes?

The same way I did when I was 17-19 with Alec in Shadowhunters (the tv series).

Even though they aged him up to 23, they didn't retcon the fact he struggled with his sexuality, and so wasn't intimate with anyone prior to him finally choosing to embrace who he is and follow his heart.

We see him slowly reach the point where he's ready for his relationship with Magnus to take that step. Beyond loving teasing (then genuine heartfelt support) from his sister when he goes to her for advice, there is no one making it out to be a huge deal, no one genuinely makes fun of him for it or asks him why it took so long.

It's honest and endearing and it made me feel seen.

I hate that people are just so adverse to the possibility of their faves not having had sex yet, it makes me feel so shitty about myself, espec seeing it from friends...

People don't seem to get that this is based in a very real social phenomenon that deeply hurts a lot of people.

The MCU's obsession with this does not exist in a vacuum, and neither do the reactions of the audience.

*im grey-ace, forgot to clarify lmfao

[joelsgreys]

Apologies in advance this might be a long one lol 😂

So I wanted to take a minute to share my thoughts on A Safe Haven properly after binging it all again!

This series has well and truly swept me away. Its clear through your writing that you know these characters intimately and deeply understand their personalities and circumstances. Down to the smallest details. The way you convey Joel and Ellies past from the readers perspective is so beautiful. She doesn't know what they have been through in their past be it separately or together (other than Joel telling her that Ellie has had to go through more than anyone her age should have to), and what Joel has went through to get them to Jackson. But she can feel it. She senses something unimaginably terrible has happened to the both of them and can see it weighing heavily on both.

Then onto Joel, romantically speaking, not only do you write him perfectly and everything he says gives me butterflies but it's also very realistic! This is a man who has not been romantically involved with anyone in over 20 years! So he's a bit rusty and trying to find his feet with it, in the end ultimately deciding fuck it, I want this woman and Im pretty sure she wants me too and nothing is going to stop me from getting her.!

✨ Absolutely immaculate ✨

I want to give a special mention to protective!Joel - the scene at the back of the barn when Luke shows up and Joel picks up INSTANTLY that something wasn't right there. Honestly made me feral. This scene was absolutely perfect 😍

Also, I want to tip my hat to you, to write a character like Luke and to know people are going to hate him takes balls and you did it so well, honestly I wanna fight the guy myself 😂

This is 100% one of my favourite fics I have read and I just want you to know how much your writing is loved and appreciated by so many people!

I know we all stress out about posting our work but you should be so proud of yourself for creating such a wonderful series.

I'm looking forward to devouring the rest of it Vee!!

Sending you so much love 💗💗💗

goddammit Cols you just made me cry into my sandwich 😭😭😭 ILYSM and I’m so damn happy we slid into each other’s DM’s because you truly are such a kind and lovely soul and I swear to god every time I chat with you it just makes me want to say fuck it and book a ticket to Ireland so we can get together for a coffee ☕️ 🥺

thank you for always being so kind, so encouraging, and so supportive, I appreciate you so very much and I hope you know that!

also, thank you for complimenting my characterization of Joel because like obviously he’s not always going to be exactly true to character in fan fiction, especially when romance is involved, but if I can write it to where the things he says and does are not too out of this world unbelievable, than I feel like mission accomplished!

ILY COLS ❤️

[backup-backdown]

Hey! I saw that you like Death Note. With Death Note, I've noticed that recently there's been somewhat of a spike in Death Note fans. Not that much, but still. This fandom seems to be somewhat reviving itself, since a lot of the posts I've seen were newer than I thought they'd be. Do you think that's actually happening or is it all in my head? Also: I've noticed that fans tend to differ wildly in their opinions of L, his sense of morality, and how much was an act/lie. Some people think L has a strong sense of justice, similar to Light. Some think L has very few morals and does mostly what interests. Personally, I believe it's a bit of both. He seems to mostly do as he wants to, but he does show empathy for the task members occasionally. What type of morality do you think L has? (sorry if this is a loaded question, I've been very curious about this for a long time, since a lot of people disagree on it)

hey omg lol i didnt see this but im glad i found it!!

RAUGH. I have such a hard time talking about like.... cool in depth meta because i think im the dumbest death note fan perhaps. lmao. not really, i just think other people have probably verbalized what I think in ways that I never properly could, but I'll give it a go :>

1- I have no idea!! Honestly I feel like the death note fandom has never really died, although it really does go through dips and valleys in terms of members' activity. It probably is dependent on new adaptions being released, death note coming up in other pop culture spheres and getting people interested, and cringe culture dying. For me, my return to the death note fandom was really the last one, along with me just being more confident about my interests lol. I also think that there's a new generation of people who are into anime and not as deeply ashamed of it as some older folks might have been at that age and i think its great!! tbh overall i probably don't have the best gauge of the exact growth and diminishment of the fandom because i take a break every couple of months whenever i drown in some other random hyperfixation lol. but i always come back :) death note is pretty timeless! its neat!!

more under the cut because i........... ramble....

2- and here is where i repeat again that I'm definitely not like. a great meta writer with super fresh and interesting ideas (which is kinda weird because one of the main points of appeal of death note for a lot of the fans is the meta and analysis and theories and whatever. but idk im just not creative :') ) but I'll give you my take lol

Analyzing L as a character can be really frustrating to me because... let's face it, O&O don't write incredibly deep characters. All of the characters in Death Note tend to fit roles and tropes rather than being super three dimensional studies of incredibly complex personalities. The purpose of L's existence in death note is to serve as an adversary to Light, our protagonist, antagonist, anti-hero, whatever. Light's existence is to propel the plot. We see Light specifically stray very far away from whatever his actual personality or character could have evolved into as he is transformed by the death note. You could say that while Light used the Death Note for his own purposes, the Death Note essentially used Light. Both the actual book. in the show. and the show. The characters exist solely to further the plot and tell the story, and little focus is put on their more intimate profiles. idk how to really put this part of my response into words eloquently, but that's that.

Which brings me back to L. because i get sidetracked very easily. L is used to further the plot, but we're left to question his motivations and his inner profile as O&O did not elaborate on that. Annoyingly.

I personally like to think of L as just... a guy. doing his job. Like how a lawyer would do their job. He takes on cases because he likes the challenge, and he allows himself to feel triumph when he 'wins.' Because our worlds are shaped by the presence of other people, despite the fact that L seems very antisocial and picks and chooses when to follow moral/ethical standards, he still does rely on the general concept of 'justice' in order to get some gratification from his work.

He's just a guy who has way too much fucking money and time on his hands, and he's way too smart for his own god. All of those things will give you a bit of a god complex, so I see L as someone who is based in the desire to do good/gain approval of others but is less fettered by things like.... laws...... social norms... the opinions of a lot of people. How could you not take on some big bad villain like Kira, saving the lives of thousands of people, and not allow yourself to feel like you've done something good? That you're a bringer of justice? That's just a really powerful feeling that I don't think L would be afraid to indulge in. Like I said, he just isn't as fettered as most people, and he has an insane amount of resources at his disposal.

I think empathy is a different subject, as it's separate from having a sense of morality or justice (I struggle HARD with empathy but I have a very strong sense of justice. probably not how everyone else thinks of justice, but yknow.) As someone who is so clearly on the spectrum/neurodivergent, I think that we as the audience are also meant to understand that L does not experience normal levels of empathy in comparison to the other characters, especially Misa and Matsuda. I think his lack of empathy is not (as is unfortunately mischaracterized in a lot of meta/fanfic) primarily emotional. L is shown to have emotions-- fear, embarrassment, anger, happiness, and he is shown to understand when other characters are acting based on their own emotions. That being said, L does behave coldly at times, and he always maintains a distance from himself and his coworkers. He can seem detached, and I think we can't forget that that is again, just part of his job. Being a detective means that you cannot get wrapped up in your work emotionally. He's very good at his job.

His primary lack of empathy is in respect to his general understanding of socialization. He is clearly not someone who's had many relationships-- Light is his first friend, and the thought of falling in love with Misa seems to really knock him backwards. He's just very socially inexperienced. Tying it all together though, I think that L does understand emotions, he has them, he can empathize with his co-workers, and he does care about them to a certain degree-- He's just very good at being able to put all that shit aside and do his damn job.

thanks for the ask!!!

[nicehare]

recently I've been thinking about how like, it's pretty hard to describe my sexual orientation and gender

(long ruminating post under the cut lol)

gender wise I either feel neutral or masculine, so I feel like demiboy fits, but im also afab so i identify with being transmasc too

in terms of attraction, i have a LOT of platonic love for my friends, i love them so much. platonic love comes as naturally as breathing to me, i want to bond and know all of my friends deeply, i want to form strong attachments and feel really close to people even though its really hard to do that sometimes. but, that platonic love rarely ever becomes romantic love. doesn't matter how much I know someone, romantic feelings just don't happen often for me. sexual feelings are even rarer, AND i have to know someone really well first before sexual feelings can even happen. developing a romantic attraction also doesn't guarantee a sexual attraction will develop, it just has to happen first for there to even be a chance it will. its like a chance game on neopets, you have to win the first 1/1,000,000 chance roll for romance to even have a shot at the second 1/1,000,000 chance roll for sex lmao.

when romantic and sexual feelings for someone do happen though, gender isn't a determining factor. my love for every person ive ever loved has felt different but not because of their gender(s). so that means: demiromantic, demisexual, and pansexual

but how do you tell someone - especially irl - you're transmasc, demiboy, demiromantic, demisexual and pansexual, i mean that's so many words and im already really bad at talking to people, its easier to just say im queer, but im also really careful not to apply that label to other people unless i know they're ok with it, especially since i live in the south us

(and dont get me started on trying to explain and be included in conversations about experiencing life as a woman, since i didn't transition until i was in my mid 20s, so being seen and treated as a woman has been most of my life. like, i want to talk about how its been for me as a fem person whose entire career has been in tech and how that has affected me and affects fem people in such negative ways, but if it were up to me i wouldn't even be perceived as a fem person. but, i still am because i don't pass and can't come out at work, so that's still my experience interacting with everyone who doesn't know me personally outside work. i usually try to speak up in conversations about this anyway even though sometimes i don't feel welcome being part of the conversation bc of how i identify now.)

idk. it makes me feel really, really lucky that im married and my spouse and I have such a close and loving relationship and they understand me so intimately. i almost lost them to cancer a few years ago. i don't like to think about this at all, but i know 100% that if i lost them i would just be alone for the rest of my life.

[disawakenings]

Rules & General Guide (mobile)

      this may be updated as needed; excluding when i just nitpick the wording/fix typos etc, i will announce the changes. thank you for reading through.

NOTE:

THE MUN AND THE MUSE ARE BOTH OVER THE AGE OF 21, AND REQUIRE THAT ONLY MUNS OF THE SAME MINIMUM AGE INTERACT. This rp blog will heavily pertain to darker themes, and may not be for the squeamish.

The Basics

Canons from fandoms and OCs are both welcome. I will be selective in following back, especially with highly active multimuse blogs. If I don’t follow back you’re more than free to send asks and respond to opens IC. I might continue our threads, but mutuals will be prioritized and threads with non-mutuals will be shorter.

Feel free to post starters or IC banter at me, toss something in my askbox, etc. whenever you like. Inform me if you do so just in case I miss it; and yes, by all means plot OOC with me! No need to ask permission or apologise to drop in my IMs, the door is open my friend.

I don’t expect people to match my post length. It can range from a sentence or two to a novella. If you’ve a preference in length, be it short or long, do let me know.

Courtesy, OOC Conflict, Etc.

If I decline something you suggest to me (such as a plot or a meme you send in, a relationship dynamic) and you nag me to change my mind or anything similar, I will not appreciate you for it. If you worry I’ve forgotten or lost interest in a thread, be kind and ask me. If it’s not fault of memory it is likely a simple lack of muse, or motivation.

Don’t godmod, don’t metagame, blah blah blah. Common courtesy and all that shit. No hostility or passive aggression, no drama. Be straightforward with me. If I’ve done something to upset you or you have genuine criticisms, I want to hear them crystal clear.

I will avoid engaging in callouts though will observe the situation for my own. I do not condone purity culture and consider it extremist. If you have any grievance with me, please just communicate with me. Be straightforward and actually talk with me through the problem. I’m tired.

Romance, N.S.F.W. Content

I am open to shipping, but I ask we discuss it OOC beforehand and write out the development IC. And know ahead of time that Revelation is not in a state of mind or circumstance to be a good/healthy partner. It will be a drag if you’re here for instant cuddles and steamy times. I like writing relationships that are complicated if not outright toxic, but I’m also soft for warm and fluffy romance as well. Variety is what makes the soup taste good. And patience.

Intimate relations will be awkward on Revelation’s end. Do not expect my explicit writing to be highly graphic, or to solely focus on said graphic content. I will still focus highly on the behaviour, psychology, and chemistry of/between muses.

Mun Activity, Disclaimers, Etc.

I will not always be active, due to IRL matters, chronic disabilities, and sometimes I’m just not in the mood for a certain muse or even rping in general. Feel free to remind me about our threads etc. but again please don’t pester or guilt me. It will not spark the muse back alight.

 I welcome constructive criticism and advice, and am more than happy to offer my own if asked. To learn and to teach is a wonderful thing. Let’s tend one another’s creative gardens.

I am comfortable writing most any kind of serious/heavy concepts, any and all of which I try to approach with tact. I understand that you may have different limits and boundaries in this matter.

Note that any scenarios, and character mindset/beliefs/actions/etc. are meant (if meant for anything significant) to inquire and speculate the nature of humanity and the universe as a whole. I explore this far more deeply in my personal writing than roleplay because it is easier that way to be avoided by those who do not want to consume such stories. It may be delved into to some degree here of course, so again I warn that this muse may not be for hearts that feel the hurt strongly.

That’s a lot of serious blather, I swear on my LIFE that I love love love lighthearted scenarios and comedy as well! In fact I kind of thrive on blanketing all the doom and gloom with hilarity. Revelation might not be aware it’s comedy though.

Common Tags for TS ( will be “#[word] tw” i.e. “#bunnies tw”):

If you need anything not listed above tagged, please let me know. The list will be added to as needed. Bolded are topics that will be delved heavily into regardless of how often, italics mean it will/may be frequent. Both means Beware! Look Out, Oh Shit It’s Everywhere!!

Anonymous Asks

As with my feelings on conflict between muns please be courteous. If you are upset, angry, or hurt by anything I have done or said, I want to meet on equal ground, no weapons of the word needed from either party.

I do not want to turn off anon. I understand the fear of backlash without that privacy. If it is repeatedly proven that it cannot be used in a reasonable and peaceful manner, I will revoke that privilege. Please, I implore all, be communicative, not combative. We can be better at building than breaking.

     If you have any questions, want to establish a plot or IC connections, my askbox and messages are open. 💙

I don’t require you send me like a cryptically-specific message to prove you read the rules, I trust you to locate and read through either the desktop or mobile version of this.

                                              But you Should send me spiders.

                                                                                                      For good luck.

[yellowbentley]

more ace feelings yeehaw

i was unloading today which is kinda mindless, and i had this realization thats never fully made sense before

general anxiety and self hate aside, the thought of someone looking at me and wanting to fck me is revolting :D not at all in a fetishizing way, im not a moron i know thats normal. but to me, personally, someone looking at me and wanting to be intimate makes my skin crawl. tenfold if its just some random guy.

im so repulsed by the idea of someone wanting me because i cant/wont/dont want to do AnyThing its just all so gross to me. even the guy i like, the very first time we talked he called me cute and the thought of him looking at me once and going 🥵🍆 makes me want to die thats awful to me. not fetishing its normal im just ace!!! i am just me!!!! why am i so weird!!!!!

this is longer then i wanted it to be lol i hope this makes sense

**i saw a reddit post about op disliking oral in all forms and the line specifically "oral is a basic thing in any relationship" ..............is it? is it expected? i really, really cant imagine that.

on one side of the coin its abso fucking lutely possible to have a relationship without sex, look at older people or queer partnerships with different lines or celabit people who wait til marriage or health issues get in the way (and granted fhat one can get the other person pissy) or just people who happen to not fuck often!! its normal!!!!!!

on the other hand, ive seen.......way too much saying you cannot have a ""real"" relationship if you arent fucking on the regular. like isnt there a law somewhere defining this?

i dont know

all im sure of is i hate sex and i hate sexual activaties and i hate the thought of someone looking at me and getting turned on and i think this is very deeply ingrained because i have worn baggy and loose clothing to hide my body forever, and oh god i just want to be loved so desperately but because of the way i am and my aversion i probably never will be. i just want to be myself and be loved.

[vriskabot]

very tempted to lean fully into the early noughts nostalgia and just make a page or pinned post on my blog with a bunch of album covers of my favorite albums