#this is more me rambling into the void than anything else

[lunanoc]

this is probably definitely an unpopular and potentially controversial opinion, but i saw a take recently on npss and the female characters of dmbj that to be fair pops up often that i feel it’s a pretty prevalent one, so i just. decided to give my two cents on it that once again no one asked for

more under the cut because this got a little long

just to be clear, this a topic that has quite a bit of nuance and multiple layers to it, and perception entirely depends on both personal interpretation and your medium of choice. i’m also not saying that npss is some pioneer in terms of writing female characters because he’s not. but i also feel that saying he’s a blatant misogynist and that he can’t write female characters properly at all is a gross exaggeration and doing the ladies of dmbj a disservice

i’m also going to be talking about the books specifically here, since the books and the dramas/movies treat female characters differently not only because of plotline reasons, but because of the differences in the nature of their narratives. the dramas have quite a bit more of the accusations people tend to like throwing at dmbj like reducing female characters to flat, one-dimensional archetypes or fridging the dramas do have su nan though, but contrary to what a large part of the fandom seems to push forward, the dramas don’t and can’t represent dmbj in its entirety, and if you’re going to try and do that, you can’t leave out the books and vice-versa, but seeing how different both versions of the story can get at times i just tend to separate them entirely

as it stands, the only female characters who die in the books zhang haixing not counting because we technically don’t know what happens to her are a ning and yuncai, and i guess you can add huo xiangu to that, but she's part of the lao jiumen and chen pi ah si dies similarly so not sure that counts here really. and while you can argue for a ning at least that her death for narrative purposes was fridging, npss also used panzi’s death later on for similar narrative purposes, so at least in that respect he doesn’t discriminate

don’t get me wrong, the books aren’t perfect either, and you do get misogynistic comments from the male characters from time to time that make me squint, which is why i’m not trying to pretend dmbj is peak feminism, but they’re also not egregious or frequent enough comments, and in my opinion the main difference with the dramas is that the male gaze in the books is at least somewhat more justified, because where the dramas are necessarily presented from a third person pov, the books are wu xie’s first person pov for the most part. dmbj is essentially written as and treated as wu xie’s memoirs, and so everything and everyone is seen and filtered through the lense of his perception. and wu xie is a man, so that comes with its own set of ramifications. and even then ironically, wu xie is far from the only or the worst culprit when it comes to casual misogyny. pangzi has his fair share of takes, as do a number of other characters

but for all that the female characters are sometimes placed into archetype boxes by virtue of not only the narrative being from wu xie’s pov, but also the fact that the tomb robbing business is shown to be a male dominated one, and also just because npss himself is a man, that doesn’t mean those female characters aren’t complex and fleshed out characters in their own right to the same extent as their male counterparts of similar narrative relevance

i’m thinking of huo xiuxiu for example, who’s arguably the most prominent and recurring female character in dmbj, who from the get-go is very quickly made out to be not a pretty girl (or rather not just a pretty girl) but quick-witted the likes of which wu xie resonates with as a kindred spirit and draws a number of parallels with himself because he finds they share similar ways of thinking and problem solving. she’s capable, skilled, and sees herself as an equal to the iron triangle and the men around her, and yet none of this detracts from either her femininity or her vulnerability as the youngest lao jiumen member, and later as the one left behind to pick up the broken pieces of her own family. she’s a leader in her own right, and she gains support from xiao hua and wu xie in the years leading up to sand sea just as much as she lends them her support in later canon. all of this without ever being presented as a potential love interest and reduced to only that wu xie’s lack of interest in women in a practical sense as romantic/sexual partners is a topic for another post but it’s also a thing that contributes to not relegating most of the female characters to just that too

i’m not about to say npss is being particularly progressive, but it’s also interesting and nice to note that even in recent canon, just like the iron triangle and xiao hua, huo xiuxiu is well into her 30s and unmarried without it ever either being mentioned really or being an issue, which considering the cultural significance of marriage in china, even more so seeing as xiuxiu is the heiress and head to a powerful family, it’s worth noting she’s not treated any differently from the male characters who make the same equally culturally problematic choices. she’s too busy going with the iron triangle, xiao hua, and hei xiazi down into dangerous tombs (which is why she’s often featured in official merch as a main cast member alongside the iron triangle and heihua)

i’m not going to get into the nitty-gritty about every single female character otherwise this would get way too long but i could, but even someone like liang wan, who is absolutely portrayed as vain and sometimes unrealistically obsessed with her appearance and chasing after men, i personally find still has more depth given to her in the book in some respects, because as zhang rishan isn’t in sand sea the book, she has no romance plotline, and so not only does she get pov chapters, she gets pov chapters that flesh out her involvement with wu xie’s plan and the wangs by extension, and her goals, though never followed through on because npss didn’t tie up that loose end, i find are far more driven by something deeply personal. zhang haixing in tibetan sea flower is arrogant and condescending, manipulative as much as she is competent, and while pangzi especially responds to her behavior with borderline misogynistic provocations, it’s very clear that her character isn’t so much the fruit of putting her in the femme fatale archetype box as it is a consequence of her being a zhang. because both zhang haike and zhang hailou (aka ‘little brother zhang’) who are both men, are very much also like this. special mention also to the girls from the side novel a thousand faces because yes npss wrote a book that’s entirely about two women who may or may not be girlfriends

i could also talk about chen wenjin whose entire story runs very much parallel to wu sanxing’s and they both end up with similar endgame situations and are both tragic characters but this post is already long enough. there are more minor female characters who get their share of both “screentime” and development on par with their male counterparts, and for the sake of argument, some of these female characters have as much presence and/or depth given to them as a character like liu sang, who while being a fandom darling, is also very much a minor character. so what i’m saying is that while yes most of the characters in dmbj are men, and the main cast even more so (excluding xiuxiu), at equal level of importance, there’s about as much depth to a character like liu sang as there is to a character like liang wan, or a ning, and so at some point it begs the question of how much of the fandom’s perception of depth in minor female characters is colored by personal preferences rather than objective fact. are there female characters who are basically reduced to being a romantic interest and serve no real purpose other than to be the source of a man’s pain? yes looking at yuncai whose death is both sudden (while it does have some minor foreshadowing) and happens so far towards the end of the book that it almost seems pointless, and in the end only serves as the catalyst for pangzi’s own suffering and justifies his almost ten-year on-and-off retreat to banai

because again, npss isn’t out here making dmbj a feminist manifesto, and there’s room for criticism and pointing out a number of things if you wanted to. but he also doesn’t write bad female characters. they’re as much people as the men are for better or worse, and saying npss can’t write women properly is doing them a disservice. not to mention the fact the dmbj never leans into romance and that actually almost every single ‘canon’ romance is doomed in some capacity means women are rarely relegated to solely being potential love interests, which in a narrative dominated by the male gaze is actually nice?

[wof-reworked]

I've said this before but genuinely working with kids who love WOF for a solid 80% of my week for the past year/year and a half is what's actually killed my interest in WOF (tho I'm still here, obviously, and the ttrpg isn't going anywhere). Like,,,, idk man they have stickers on their water bottles of their fave guys and I think it's just made me detach a lot more from the rewriting I do bc as long as kids are having fun with it I kind of settle into a neutral tolerance instead of the like writing mania that this blog has operated on for the past,,,,,, jesus, it's been 8 years.

[wanderingcas]

whispering this into the void, but: a year ago self-publishing my book seemed impossible and frightening. but now, thinking about it.... gives me a little thrill to think about doing it, actually?

[caricature-of-a-witch]

I swear by the time I have finished this paper there will be claw marks in my brain matter because I have to forcibly drag it towards and hold it to the document in order to get anything done there's a magnetic force repelling the two things and I am so tired

It's gonne be the shittiest least coherent paper in the history of papers and if I end up having tortured my brain for nothing and not passing the course I don't know how I'll deal with that lol

[lyman-garfiel]

Weird rant but like, it kinda makes me sad a large portion of scarab art is just that of his farmworld disguise that started to melt into me just obessing over why i love scarab's design so much

i dunno, i just always found it funny scarab litterally pulled the white-twinkifacation beam onto himself and the fandom WENT FOR IT. Like i have nothing against people just having fun and humanizing him [human scarab with nerd glasses truithers i owe you all a smooch/p] but when i see just this [albiet cannon] design over and over when the whole point and reasoning for his deign existing was to be a disguise and not resemble him at all,,,,,, his human form is in like 3 scenes total yet i swear i see more art of THIS than his actual design sometimes.. and it SADDENS me cuz like HIS REAL DESIGN IS THE COOLEST SHIT EVER??

His most-used form being so regal and sharp, the monochromatic red design just RAIDIATES menace and power, he's pretty much completley humanoid if you ignore the fact the suit IS his body and his arm/leg spikes, his design really gives off something that isn't human trying to replicate humanity. AND DUE TO THIS HE IS FULL OF BODY HORROR POTENTAL TOO LIKE???!

I just love how his regal and humanoid form just LEAVES the second he is at his lowest point in the show, [the universe he searched for and jumped through so many fucking hoops to locate and destroy becomming cannon and thus his efforts became null and void.] his body language just DROPS the whole "proper but deadly" facade and my man just goes full BUG MODE, gaining another set of arms and crawling around, he pretty much gives up on hiding his real face too which is ANOTHER DESIGN ELEMENT I REALLY ENJOY

He only really takes it off in acts of desparation [threatining fionna into getting his weapon back] or an intimidation tatic [jumpscaring Gary after bro threw baked goods at him-] and the second he no longer has the upper hand he slams it back on, i just think its a very interesting element i have anylized to HELL and back because i have combed through all of his screen time on multiple occasions.

During his absolute moment of glory, [in the process of repo-ing fionnaworld his mask is off, bro is grinning he is elated he is exited as hell] and his FIRST reaction to the shock of his erasure not working is to slam his mask on before anything else. Now i have my headcanons on what this means but i just kinda wanted to ramble on about why his body language/design has been keeping me in a CHOKEHOLD latley

anyways before i spend like......an hour writing this i'm gonna post it i just NEEDED to get his design elements into a post before i fucking explode =)

[d6volution]

IDEA FOR CAINE. so you knnow how pomni tought she was in dream? ok so what if we enter the digital circus and thnks its a dream to? where wes tart to do what ever becuase "oh its just a dream" and do it with caine to prove its not but soon later figure that you had actually fucked the ring master and now you have to live with that untill you abstarct. also, i love you...................re writing alot

thank........... you <33

hopefully this is okay! i accidentally made Caine a little mean at the end oops, poor reader.

Caine/Fem!Reader.

nsfw themes. | artwork.

minors dni.

You've been staring at the ceiling all night. Everyone was right.. you don't need to sleep. You don't even feel the urge, it was so.. strange. Unsettling.. it was making your mind feel like an endless void when you thought about it a bit too hard.

You closed your eyes and sighed before hopping out of bed and taking to the halls instead. You needed a walk, get your body moving to distract your mind just a little.

Which did little to help, in fact you were back tracking to your first theory.. surely this all had to just be a dream, you just had to figure out how to wake yourself up. yes that's it! a small sliver of hope.

"Hmm.." You pondered out loud, walking down the long corridor of rooms. Everyone else must be sleep or.. just relaxing their eyes more like. "Caine.. maybe if I.." you were muttering to yourself, walking back and fourth as if you were in some kind of trance.

Little did you know Caine was already watching, one of his eyes were tucked away in the corners of all the large open spaces , including the corridors. He was only half paying attention until you started—

"[Censor] [Censor] [CENSOR!]" Began screaming out every curse word and you would keep doing so until Caine showed up. Which, like clockwork he did.

"Now, now what's all this, y/n!? you'll wake up the others! Not to mention the potty mouth you have! Haven't we been over this already?" Caine said in a cheerful yet assertive tone, staring at you with his hands planted on his hips and waiting for your response.

But you didn't give him one , instead you reached up and gripped his suit collar and yanked him down, planting a kiss onto his jaw just to test the waters. He scrambled and pulled back, "W.. Woah now! What's gotten into your my dear!? You haven't even taken me on a first date yet!" He teased and continued to ramble about how inappropriate and unlike you that was.

Seduce the ringmaster... make him break his own rules, boom. Maybe.. the dream will backfire on itself so bad that you'll wake up?

Or maybe this entire idea was stupid and you're insane!

You shoved that little voice to the back of your head. You had to try something, the whole prospect of being trapped here in the first place was insane!

"A date..? Caine, you've been trapped here for ..well ever! ... Surely you want.. more than just a silly date!" You huffed, and tried to get closer to him but he was keeping his distance. Weary of your actions.

He tugged at his collar as if to fan himself, seemingly a bit tempted by your words, "W—Well , be that as it may, here at the digital circus we have to keep it family friendly we're to be enjoyed by all ages my dear!" He said and twirled his baton a few times within his gloved fingers.

"I know.. but, isn't there somewhere around here we can have a little.. privacy, Caine..~ Just the two of us? I promise no one else will see!"

Caine didn't say anything, he simply cleared his throat and took you by the waist and teleported you both to his quarters. It was grand and a little silly. A red and black theme that matched his outfit, and decor befitting for someone like him.

Caine sat at the edge of his bed and patted his lap.

Oh, god you were really doing this.. was it really this easy??

He tugged you onto his lap, and now you were flushed. But.. he didn't make a move to touch you at all.

"Now my precious , y/n we can start our date! We must take things slow to set a good example!" He said excitedly and flipped on the small tv in front of you both.

Oh we was serious. This.. this wouldn't do... it'd take too long.

You tuned out the television and Caine seemed to just tap his hand on your hip as he laughed at the corny jokes on the tv.

Just then a light bulb went off in your head and you shuffled a little in his lap, ass brushing and grinding against his crotch. You felt him stiffen and try to adjust a little.

"Something wrong?" You said oh so innocently.

"O-Of course not dear! I do hope you're enjoying the show! Bonding is very important for relationships!" He said , seemingly unphased but the sudden hardness poking against your ass was telling you everything you needed to know.

"I agree.. bonding is very important." You said in a low voice while squriming on his lap again, and his hand suddenly gripped your hip. Keeping you still.

"Ahem, heh, I think its best if you keep still dear! Don't want any.. accidents!"

He laughed, albeit nervously.

You took this chance and to turn around on his lap so you were facing him and shoved him onto the mattress. You were straddling him and keeping your palms flat on his chest as you grinded against his clothed erection, "That doesn't feel so family friendly in between your legs Caine.. just loosen up a little.~" You cringed hearing yourself trying to sound sexy but it seemed to be working. He was stuttering and making excuses but didn't push you away. In fact you could feel him twitching beneath you.

Fuck, you were getting more turned on that you thought you would.. when would this dream end..?

You were going to pull back, feeling as if this wasn't working but then you felt two large gloved hands on your ass tugging you back towards him.

"C.. Caine..?"

"Well, it seems I've just thought of way to keep this family friendly and satiate your.. more carnal desires dear! I didn't think you'd be so bold and I must say I'm impressed!"

"W—Well, I just.. I didn't think you'd actually—" You fumbled over your words and Caine took his chance to flip you onto your stomach, snapping his fingers and you were completely naked.

"C.. Caine!? What happened to taking it slow??" You said trying to cover yourself but he made sure you stayed on your stomach , his baton planted on your lower back with a bit of pressure.

"Ubupbup! None of that Y/N," He interrupted and tapped your inner thighs with his baton. Silently signaling you to open your legs and slowly you did, nuzzling the blankets in embarrassment.

"Tsk, tsk, just as I thought! You're making an absolute mess!" He shoke his head in disappointment. Making a spectacle out of your arousal.

"W.. What are you going to do..?" You whined and glanced back at him , his erection straining against his black pants quite clearly.

"Well, I'm going to give you a lesson in sexual education of course! Maybe then you'll believe this isn't a dream."

Your lips cracked into a unsettling smile, realizing the position you were in and.. well you were fucked, literally and figuratively now.

"Oh, don't give me that look dear, where did all that vigor go!?" A silly sound effect followed his teasing words,  "I assure you you'll feel just fine by the time I'm done with you!~ Or... you'll abstract and I'll have to throw you into the cellar with the rest of them! Either way, I have a lesson to get on with!" He said while planting himself behind you , gloved hands gripping your hips.

"Keep still, will you?"

[noblesixjm04]

Comfort characters gonna comfort

Reader: *Rambling about their favorite hobby/interests. Hands moving wildly as they speak. Their eyes bright and a blinding smile on their face as they talk to John.*

John: *Thinks it's sweet and kind of adorable. He's mostly just comforted by the fact that you feel comfortable enough with him to talk like this.* *It's nice for him to just. Feel normal once in awhile outside of blue team.*

John: *Is also confused on how you just as quickly stopped as soon as you started. Falling in on yourself as you ring your hands together.*

Reader: *Embarrassed that they had managed to talk for so long and John hasn't gotten to say anything yet.* *A lingering voice hissing at them that he doesn't care. That they've made a fool of themselves yet again.*

Reader: "I'm. I'm sorry."

John: *Is now both confused and concerned.* "Sorry for what?" *Doesn't like the fact that you're no longer holding eye contact. A sure fire way to tell that you're nervous or embarrassed over something. If anything he could almost hear your pounding heart.*

Reader: *Swallows thickly. Nervous by the stare that John is giving them. They consider lying or brushing it off but they knew better than to do that. John is capable of sniffing out a lie like a bloodhound.* "For talking so much?"

Reader: *Shrugging their shoulders. Trying to get rid of the tension there.* "I know it's not something you care about and I've probably taken up your time when you could have been doing something else." *They are rambling now.* "And I know that what I've got to say isn't all that important."

Reader:*Nearly jumps a mile high when John lays a hand on their shoulder.*

John-117: *Low-key pissed. Not at you but at whoever made you believe such nonsense.* "Who said that?" *His voice is low and even. Face void of emotion save for the muscles clenching in his jaw.*

Reader: *Squirming in their seat. Still unused to John's intense way of caring even after having known him for a while.* "Who said what?"

John-117: *Leaning forward in his chair so that he can be more on your level.* "That what you have to say isn't important." *He pauses. Eyes searching over your face.* "Who y/n." *He's using what you jokingly call the 'master chief voice '. The one that leaves no room for question. The one you hate to be on the receiving end of cause it means that you have to learn that you are cared for.*

Reader: *Wants to look away but can't. Both comforted by the fact that John cares but worried about what he might do.* "It's nothing Chief. Really."

Oh now you've done it.

John-117: *Nothing?* *Slides the hand on your shoulder down your arm until your hand is in his.* "It is never nothing when someone makes you feel this way y/n."

John: "No one deserves to be demeaned like that. You should have never been made to feel that way." *His knees bump into yours as he moves closer.* "Never will I take anything you say as "not important." You are allowed to be heard. Be seen."

John: *His hand squeezes yours. A calloused thumb soothing over your knuckles.* "You're allowed to be yourself with me. Always."

John-117: *He pulls away although he does not want to. Reaching for his helmet he had taken off to better hear you with. Wanting to hear your voice without it's audio filters.* "Now. Who?"

Reader: *Watches as Master Chief stands up. Golden visor looking at them.* "An. An old friend I'm no longer friends with. David Hawthorne."

Reader: " Chief I haven't talked to him in years. Why does it matter.... Who...."

Master Chief has left the chat.

A few days later

Reader: *Is humming along to Welcome to the Jungle as they clean their gun. * *Startles when they feel a hand on their shoulder. Really they should be used to it by now from how often people do it while they're lost in their own little world.* "Sorry about that! I had my earbuds... In."

Reader: *Immediately frowns when they see who it is. Almost putting the earbuds back in so they wouldn't have to listen to him.*

Reader: *Now standing with their hand on the back of their chair. On guard as they speak.* "Hawthorne."

David H: *He looks. Well scared as he shuffles from foot to foot. Brow glistening with sweat. He keeps glancing to the right.* "M'sorry."

There's a noise in the back.

David H: *Louder now. His face is paler than snow.* "I'm sorry." *You see his adams apple bob up and down as he swallows.*

Reader:*Confused.* "Sorry for what? What are you even doing here? Last time I checked you were on some distant colony planet."

David H: *Glances to the right again.* "For the way I treated all those years ago. For what I told you. I'm sorry. I know I can't make up for it but I'm sorry."

Reader: *Everything clicking into place as they remember their conversation with John.* "I. Okay then." *Honestly they didn't know how to respond. Never expecting an apology from the man that made them feel like the worst human In history.*

David H: *Curtly nods. Glances to the right. If anything he lost more color in his face from that last glance before he took off out the door.*

Reader: "Okay then..." *They look to where David had been and almost cry as a warmth bloomed in their chest. From happiness, from knowing that they were cared for. They don't know.*

All of Blue team is standing there. Leaning against the walls or in the Chief case against the back of a bench. Arms crossed as he, and them, kept a watchfully eye on reader as David gave what they thought was a less than ok apology.

Reader:"Thank you."

Master Chief: *Nods then motions for blue team to follow after David.*

John: *As he walks past reader. Lays a hand on their shoulder, squeezes, then leaves to follow after his team.*

[captain-hen]

the ‘sunshine personified’ / ‘he makes everyone around him happy’ thing is sooo interesting because i don’t think we’ve really seen that from buck, have we? and by that i specifically mean in the fanon context of buck being the social PTA dad at all of chris’s school functions while eddie broods in the corner and only wants to talk to buck. if anything, we’ve seen the opposite behavior with eddie — he’s clearly good friends with chris’s friends’ parents, he was so happy and glowy when he first met the 118, he befriended may and linda so easily at dispatch, and i could go on and on.

he just seems to connect with people so easily, and i think a lot of that genuine friendliness is lost on people because he also has a tendency to get casually snarky with people he isn’t so fond of, whether it’s annoying temporary coworkers or selfish people on calls or opportunistic reporters. the same thing goes for his private nature vs. buck’s bleeding heart — it’s assumed that eddie isn’t a people person because he likes to keep his innermost feelings close to his chest and it’s also assumed that buck is good at instantly forming connections bc his feelings spill out of him at all times.

and like. it’s not that buck isn’t a kind and friendly person, but i do feel like his specialty is deep acts of love for the people he loves. idk if i’m articulating this right but i’m trying to point out that he’s never more ‘sunshine personified’ than when he’s with the 118 and co. he would do anything for them and he lights up around them in a way that he doesn’t really do with anyone else. and we haven’t seen him be so casually close to people outside that friend group.

when we got a glimpse of connor and buck’s friendship, it seemed more about what they could do for each other than about true connection. when we got that episode about buck and red, a lot of it was projection on buck’s part re. his fear of abandonment and his desire not to let his future turn out like red’s and it was also about his need to fix things for everyone else so he can feel like he’s needed. when he met lucy, he was desperate to fill a void and not feel as hollow as he felt going home to taylor kelly every night with his sister and his brother in law and his partner gone.

don’t get me wrong, i’m not trying to ascribe selfish motivations to buck bc i do believe he always tries to do the right thing, but when it comes to people outside of the 118, with the way it’s been written in canon, i feel like those dynamics have always been more about his own issues than they’ve been about actual friendship. and this isn’t even getting into how he acts when he feels like someone new is encroaching on his territory (see: eddie in 2x01 and lena). idk….i just think that kind of casual connection comes so much easier to eddie for whatever reason. maybe it’s because his abandonment issues are a whole other flavor, or because eddie’s upbringing was so different from buck’s. either way, it’s so interesting and ppl blinded by fanon are really missing out. i apologize for the long ass rambling and i don’t think i really articulated this well, so TL;DR — fanon sunshine buck and broody eddie do not exist in canon and i’m Very excited to see the way that mr. possessive, jealous, broody evan buckley acts when eddie meets someone new this week :)

no, you're so right about all of this, though! buck genuinely does light up and is at his most comfortable and golden retriever-like around the 118, because he sees them as family and trusts them so much—and i think people get carried away and attribute the same thing to everything else (like, for example, the social PTA dad thing). when in canon, buck on multiple occasions has not dealt with new people too well—whether it was eddie, or lena, or ravi...and now, as it looks like, tommy. and you kinda hit the nail on the head about how most of buck's relationships outside the 118 being very transactional in nature up to this point, it's sad, but it's true.

eddie is the complete opposite in this regard, though, like, the guy goes around collecting new friends like they're pokemon. lol. he is so wildly different to the fandom portrayal of him as this anti-social loner that i struggle with understanding how people even got there in the first place (i mean, i know why. but still).

anyway, buck's issues with jealousy and insecurity are sooo interesting to delve into as character flaws and so much more compelling than fandom's portrayal of him as a perfect angel baby who's never done anything wrong, but 🤷🏽‍♀���🤷🏽‍♀️ at least i have canon giving me the stuff i want lol

[inanisomnia]

chishiya shuntaro headcanons. [chishiya x fem!reader]

idk if i'm late to post anything related to chishiya but nevertheless i'm still going to post this bc i wanna write something abt him because i need more content abt him sgakhs this man is taking over my life /sobs

anyway, here are some hcs !! i've been ia here on tumblr so pls bear with me ^^ if u enjoyed reading this kindly reblog it (?) if that's okay with u, it means a lot ilysm <;33

reqs are open <;33

oh and also this is my first time writing an hc tot

++ this might be connected to the drabble i plan to write/post

genre : fluff ?? gurl idek anymore

warning/s: none ?? not proofread kind of ungrammatical??-3#! sorry for that tot

chishiya meeting you (?)

chishiya shuntaro believes himself to be an apathetic human being - void shell of a human being. he does things and that's about it - until one night, at the beach, he saw you.

under the faint gleam of the celestial stars and crescent moon, amidst the crowds of people dancing their remaining lives away, dizzying lights that lit the dancefloor, there you are.

wearing a black puff sleeve bikini top paired with high waisted midnight-colored laced shorts - your hair gracefully danced along your swift movements as you danced and laughed with your new found friends in the borderland.

you caught his attention.

this doesn't really happen to him, but something about you was so enticing he can't even seem to look at anything else - until kuina taps his shoulder to talk about something.

after that night, he can't seem to shake you out of his head and best believe me that he's the most in denial person you'll ever know.

he'll convince himself with the silliest reasons like he might have just been hungry, or dizzy from the games, or maybe, sleepy. anything but acknowledge that he admires you.

you see, he might be an intelligent individual, academically and street smart, but there are times that he can't think straight when it comes to you.

most nights he subconsciously looks for you on the ocean of the crowds arriving after the games. he's aware that you're cunning, and physically strong to protect yourself, but there's this gnawing feeling whenever he can't spot you among the hundreds of people at the gate.

he'll never make the first move. never. unless of course you talk to him first which you did, one time because how could you ever ignore this pretty man and introduced yourself.

he can feel his heart hammer into his chest as you walk towards him but he'll never show it.

you offered your hands for him to shake as you ask for his name (of course you already know it, since he is one of the known executives at the beach. but you still shoot your shot.)

he's not the type to shake your hand if you introduce yourself, but he acknowledges your presence in his own way.

conflicted with the feelings he's experiencing but he doesn't like to overthink things so he just goes along with it.

until he can't. until he wants all of you – until he wants to know everything about you, to protect you.

as your boyfriend:

i really feel like he's not really into pda. he would want to keep your relationship in secret. there may have been lots of people in the borderlands who despise him and he's actually afraid that they will use you to get back at him.

he doesn't want that. he doesn't want you to get hurt at all. after settling his feelings that he does love you, genuinely, he swore to himself that he'll protect you.

(i've read this here before and i'll put it here but y'all are so right dgahshs) his love language is quality time. and physical touch.

at midnights, he'll sneak into your room and literally just play board games or just talk about everything.

he doesn't let others touch his hair nor his face but if its you, hell, that's more than fine.

he loves your warm touch, your tenderness as you braid or play with his hair, rambling about things you love and hate.

he's a great listener. he'll stare at you with full adoration in his eyes and slight smile.

he's fucking grateful for your existence. you're his solace in this hell you're both caught up wjth.

gurl he loves cuddles especially after a tough game, he craves your skin, your smile, your laugh, everything.

the first time you both kissed was you doing it impulsively because you got so happy on what he gave you (its up to your imagination to what it is gsajgd) and you're both caught off guard.

there was an awkward silence and a plethora of apologies, but he just smiled and cupped your face and kissed you tenderly.

everything seemed to melt away. it felt as if the borderland turned into a hazy cloud 9.

when you can't sleep, he'll play with your hair, both bodies entangled under the sheets, a wholesome intimacy between souls trying to survive this hell.

he's the type to kiss your scars and lull you to sleep.

sgakuss basically chishiya being head over heels in love with every bits of you - your flaws, your moles, your dimples, every little detail about you, he's here for it.

he doesn't realize it yet, but you did change the way he perceives himself.

[hate4buzi]

Oh no Kenzie is spewing his thoughts.....

Y'know, I never really understood the hate towards player/SOUL in delta rune. They didn't ask to be attached to Kris. Hell, they didn't even really have a say on who they wanted to be attached to as their vessel was tossed into the void.

Kris probably doesn't even hate the player as much as the fandom portrays them to. They probably don't like being controlled, yes, but if that was truly the case, then why does Kris always put SOUL back after tearing them out?

If Kris has such an ability to where they can remove SOUL and move freely without input, why put them back after doing what they wanted for a brief moment of time? It just doesn't make sense to me, it feels like Kris just wants a moment of being out of SOUL's input. and it makes me think Kris and SOUL have a more...venom relationship than anything else. (Kind of,,,)

Why would Kris make a dark fountain in there house if they didn't want SOUL to control them? Clearly, they don't mind to some degree, cuz their life has been so much more exciting ever since SOUL appeared. SOUL even made them friends, which Kris is probably grateful for. Cuz it's clear that Kris is seen as the weird kid due to them being the only human in a town filled with monsters, SOUL made them make friends with a monster they were afraid of (Susie) and even made them a hero in some way (in the darkworld at least.) They are no longer a 'nobody' because of SOUL.

Kris only REALLY becomes the victim in the snowgrave route. There, SOUL is making them do things they don't want to do. Such as killing enemy's, harming Noelle mentally and even physically, and worst of all, literally MURDERING Berdly; who is indeed one of their friends despite their ongoing rivalry. This is where the player hate is justified, they're torturing other characters through their host, Kris, just to see what would happen. That's where you could view the player as evil as they are intentionally making Kris' friends suffer, along with Kris themself. This is where I can see Kris not liking, or even downright hating the player, and wanting to be out of their control permanently.

But it any other route, like the pacifist or normal route, I just don't think it makes sense for Kris to hate SOUL/player. Kris isn't a victim in those routes, they're just the host, the puppet they obviously don't mind being (and, I know after the spamton neo fight, Kris gets uneasy and scared about being a puppet for player, and while yes, their fear is rightly justified considering what happened to spamton. I just don't see them taking it into too much consideration after being comforted by Susie and Ralsei, especially if the player had been peaceful and nonviolent thus far.)

Most others say that player makes Kris do things they don't want to. Which is...just...not true. In snowgrave, yes, player makes Kris do things they do not want to do, but in a normal or pacifist route that is just not true. I'm going to take hugging Ralsei for example. It's implied that the choices given to the player are options that Kris would most likely do or say anyway, but it's player who makes the final decision for them. So, Kris WOULD hug Ralsei, or do any of the things given in the tunnel of love scenes, but player is the one who decides which actions are final, but all the actions and words are implied to be what Kris would do or say anyway without players direct input. Does that....make sense? I feel like I'm overexplaining but I really want to get my point across.

I'm gonna stop here, cuz I don't want to continue rambling or want this post to get too long. But in short, Kris is not the victim, they only become one in snowgrave. They probably don't even want player to leave now since they think they'll become a 'nobody' again without their input. player isn't making Kris do anything they don't want to (Unless, it's snowgrave, as I said many times now lol.) Kris and player probably don't have the BEST relationship, obvs, but they definitely don't hate each other or want the other gone.

But, that's just my thoughts, tell me what you think, if you made it thus far that is ^w^

[tagedeszorns]

(Violetbirdie here) I think it's complicated due to a variety of issues. 40k as a franchise is huge, but it isn't the sort of thing that tends to have overlap with tumblr type fanspaces. It also doesn't help that 40k is a fractured fandom featuring tons of different factions, so it's not like a standard fandom where there are main characters and a main story that people will always flock to. The primarchs are the closest thing we have to that, which is why there is naturally more content for them. In addition, fandom itself is in a bit of a flux state and has been ever since the 2018 nsfw ban which caused a lot of people to leave for twitter, which is now undergoing its own huge changes right now (and I just hate twitter on principle).

I suppose the one thing I think would help, would be somehow getting the 40k tumblresque fandom space more consolidated as a whole. Like, somehow have a blog that is popular for all factions that posts headcanons about everything, thus getting people interested in parts they don't normally think about. Because 40k is a huge time investment to learn about. I've been listening to audiobooks for what feels like nonstop for over a month, and even then I could only ever feel confident telling people about Emperor's Children. So it naturally is harder for new people to get into the fandom and focus on some of the smaller things because there is just so much. It's almost how I view your blog. I check it daily for fun art/headcanons/just general character stuff, and you made me more interested in some of the captains and such. But even then, you have your focuses. So a space even more general where someone would reblog art from everything 40k would likely be nice? Maybe I just miss the livejournal days of fandom. As far as more engagement, I think having silly things like character weeks which encourages people to draw or write or talk about specific aspects is a huge benefit. It sets a schedule and makes people feel like they are shouting less into the void.

But as someone new here, maybe its my weird perspective, but I don't feel like things are getting less popular. If anything, from just checking AO3, it seems like things are only getting more popular for less of the reddit type and more for the Tumblr wanting to see hot dudes and their complicated feelings type. Also more people are getting into 40k in this side of the space through rogue trader. Like people I never talked to about 40k are starting to look into the series because they played Baldurs Gate 3, and needed a new RPG to play, and conveniently Rogue Trader is filling that for them. So, I'm optimistic if anything. Sorry about the long ramble! Just kinda dumping my thoughts out.

I love Tumblr because, unlike Twitter or Bluesky, it allows for way longer, way more elaborately structured posts. I love it when artists don't just slap their pics into a post and be done with it, but instead add stuff like maybe "I read this book, here's a quote, and it gave me this mighty need to draw this". Or "please listen to this music here while looking at my pic! It goes perfectly with it!". Or just a multi-paragraph-essay (preferably very unhinged) about the character in the upper left corner.

This in advance, so you can see I'm totally with you on the "miss Lifejournal"-thing, because blogs are so much better than just 500 characters, four pics and nothing else. And why I think Tumblr is a very good replacement for Lifejournal.

The multitude of Tumblr-blogs with their many different angles are such a treat and provide such a rich ecosystem! I follow artists posting exclusively admech-stuff, others solely Drukhari, some writers focussing on just one Astartes Legion ... it's phantastic and the depth of their niche-knowledge is mindblowing.

I agree with you that this will be overwhelming for new fans coming from rather monolithic stuff like Rogue Trader. And the key to keeping those new people involved and making them feel welcome is showing them all this variety without scaring them away.

Maybe this new feature Tumblr is working on, can be helpful here. I haven't read much about it yet, but it seems the "Community"-feature has the potential to bundle stuff in a way that's more approachable for new and old fans alike. Maybe there's room for your idea of having "character weeks" (I like that! Sounds very MacDonald's. I'll have Fabius with extra pickles, please! 😁).

I'm sharing your optimism that both the new games and maybe the new series/movies will bring a lot of new fans over and some of them may even stick around. I am a bit wary that there's the possibility of a MCU-situation starting to build up, but since Warhammer-lore is in a constant state of flux anyways this might just add some spice to the mix.

So, yeah, hope for the darkest of futures!

[shkika]

Do you have a post explaining your SoS = Saint headcanon (like the hows and the whys)? I think it’s a super cool theory but I can’t find anything you’ve written in depth about it :(

Yes sure!

I have realized it is extremely difficult to search through my asks related only to a specific topic oops..

My theory stems from a specific Moon dialogue. The one in the void where she explains that the solution was something beyond their understanding. A variable out of infinity that EVEN if they found, the wouldn't know to test. Basically this this finding one single thing out of an infinity of options. Not only that, but the only way to know the answer is to cross into the void and escape the cycles. Which would mean that upon discovering it, you would ascend.

Hey. Did you know that Sliver of Straw's name suspiciously much sounds like the saying "Needle in a haystack".

I've rambled about her name before it's extremely clever. I mean it literally translates to SOS while she's known for sending the triple affirmative signal and perishing.

In my theory I want to give the idea that Sliver didn't find the answer on purpose. She stumbled on it and forcefully ascended before she had enough time to explain, share or do anything more than send it out.

So then okay she's in the void. Why did she come back as Saint. What's going on?

Well the void is described as a dream. Which would mean it gives those who have departed the cycles a peaceful existence. Think of Hunter being embraced by NSH and Survivor finding their family in the home tree. Monk finding their sibling as well.

Well Sliver no doubt went through the same experience as well... however..

You can tell it's a dream. Or at least the iterators can, because they are much more intelligent. Sliver would know that her dreams aren't real. Her loved ones she sees are still stuck in the cycles, somewhere she can't reach. And she's stuck unwillingly, it was all an accident she can't escape from. And she had friends! She often bet on animal fights like a dumbass, you cannot tell me she was fully devoted and did nothing else, but work with that silly hobby in mind. It's a very goofy detail to add to her character.

I think she suffered a lot in the void. Being all alone and stuck. It was unfair to be the only one free of the cycles, especially when her accomplishment wasn't even purposeful. So she attempts to escape. More or less swim up just how we see Saint doing.

But there are in fact void worms guarding the sea. I imagine they dragged her back down. Again and again.

What goes in the void can't leave. That's a rule!

So what she does is basically destroy herself. Take herself appart in any way she can, mentally and physically so that she can ascend as something anew.

Which is where the last challenge in arena mode makes more sense. It's non canon. Sliver didn't die, because of Saint. But it is more so symbolic! She is ascended so that Saint can take her place.

It is difficult and painful, but she manages. It is also beyond cool how the motif of the game, but inverted is use for Saint's swim back to the world. I did a lengthy ramble about it here I highly recommend you give it a read, because even the music used adds to this theory! > (x) < Here it is.

All the creatures in rain world are helpless from the big iterators to the smallest of slug cats.

Sliver takes her fate in her own hands refusing to follow the world's rules, becoming Saint. This was he can give the answer to his family. To every creature he can save from the repeating cycles. Comic about that here > (x) Even if Saint's goal is unachievable he chases it anyway. Which is what makes him an echo!

As Moon and Pebbles understand.. he's the only one that can. And it is why his journey is so incredibly important. He's the only one who has seen beyond the void sea and can bring back that knowledge to others! And it's what Saint does. This is why Sliver can never return to a peaceful existence in the void sea.

[ruthlesslistener]

So, you get asked about PK and WL a lot, in part because you're realistic about them being nuanced. I've rarely ever seen folks ask you about the Radiance, though, even you've mentioned you give her the same treatment. So, you got any headcanons, heartcanons, and gutcanons for her? Feel free to do as many as you want!

Okay so I long forgot the headcanon, heartcanon, gutcanon ask template because I've been chewing on this since [checks date] September 5th 2020, so instead you get a long ramble on the Radiance vs individual hcs for her since I don't really talk about her as much as I do the pale fam

Radiance...hm. She's a very complex character who frightens me on some personal levels, but I really am quite fond of her reguardless, because part of what scares me about her is how closely her anger mirrors my own (and that of my immidiate family). She reminds me very much of the aspects of myself and a few choice individuals in my blood relations that I do my best to avoid, rather than have a delight of a time pointing and laughing at, like I do with the flaws of myself I see in the Pale King. Except Radiance doesn't just have those flaws, she's also got the added Christian crusader imagery that decrees the death of anyone who opposes her that also reminds me quite a bit about certain things in my life I'd very much rather go without (I was raised Muslim. I'm sure you can connect the dots). So there is a level of discomfort there that keeps me from engaging with her character on the same level that I do with Hollow and the Pale King, which is something that I am sure many Radiance fans feel in turn about PK himself. No judgement there.

But that's personal, so I'm not going to get into it. Just putting a note of it here because it does very much influence how I write her.

The Radiance is someone who is, at her core, very very lonely, and is also fundamentally afraid of being lonely. She is Grimm's twin in my headcanon (or, as much as one can be a twin when you were both divinely spawned from the same event), but Grimm is also her opposite, and so he never really did much other than highlight how deeply different she was from the only ever person that she knew. They were spawned in a place outside of Hallownest, in the creation of the Dream Realm where there was nothing around them but other hungry Higher Beings grasping for power, and that in turn did little other than prove to her that the whole world was against her and that the only way that she could persist was to eliminate all threats to herself before they had a chance to attack her first (Grimm, on the other hand, was fascinated by death and the play of power among power-hungry gods, and was much more inclined to observe until they clearly became a threat to him, ao that he could learn from them first. This difference is something that lead to the schism between the realms).

She is an extremely emotional person, acting on raw passion before all else- but that's because being rawly emotional never let her down in the past. How could it, when her fury burned with the force of a thousand stars, and incinerated all that dared threaten her? And how could she be anything but furious, when she had nothing but proof that the whole world conspired against her, and it was her burning rage that beat back the darkness of the cold, unfeeling Void, the one thing that could destroy her and her sibling? She was not always angry- more often than not, she was lonely, wanting nothing more than something to care for and protect- but anger served her well and so it became her first line of defense against anything that threatened her, and she was always right because nothing bad had ever come of her in the past.

(This is because she killed most things that she feared before they had a chance to move against her. The utter destruction of the Void Civilization was one such occurrence, happening after she had settled in Hallownest, created the moths, and deemed those who worshiped the dark below as a threat to both her and her newborn children.) I also believe that the Moths were created just before or right after the schism between her and Grimm, her barely-younger brother; because if he would not listen to her and allow her to care for him and be her family, then she would simply make one of her own, a family that she could dote on and adore and had no choice but to love her. And while she very much drove that schism, it was still a betrayal that stung her to the very core. He was her brother! He was supposed to agree with her, to love her and listen to her! She only ever tried to protect him, so what does it mean for him to defy her? That he doesn't actually love her after all, and that if she truly desires a family of her own, she must make it herself. One that will actually love her. One that will not defy her.

So, to recap: the Radiance is a fundamentally lonely person. But she is also fundamentally a very, very fearful person, to the point of overwhelming paranoia. And she grew up in an environment where this paranoia was not only unchecked, but encouraged.

This is what lead to her overcontrolling nature- because when she was able to control everything, she was able to see all of the problems before they became too hard to control, and thus eliminate them from the very start. I headcanon that the bugs of Hallownest had no free will under her control, but it wasn't the same as the malicious infection that we see in-game; it was genuinely because she cared, to the point where she had to look through a thousand eyes and ten thousand minds in order to nurture her kingdom the way she thought was best. She didn't kill all of the Void Civilization- the beetles persisted, as we saw- but she had to control them anyways, to wipe their minds of what she did and to prevent dissent. The Moths had a level of freedom that the others did not, but this was only because she created them and placed them first before all other bugs, and so thought that they would never have a reason to dissent against her. Why care for freedom when you can have security, after all? She never once in a million years thought that they would betray her for the Pale King, because she never once in a million years ever thought that anyone could ever want something like freedom in exchange for an uncertain, self-made future. It's too risky, too dangerous. Too lonely.

(This is also why I headcanon that the moth civilization collapsed after they abandoned Radi- they had been coddled for so long that they had no notion of independence, and thus could not survive on their own in a civilization that made itself with free will. This absolutely does not excuse PK of potentially being involved in their downfall, because I do think he played a huge part in it, but it does account for their diminishing numbers without any indication of physical genocide. I've seen some think that they were hit the first and the hardest by the Infection but I don't believe that Radi, even with her vengeful qualities, would have done that-or if she did, then Seer made no mention of it, likely because of her tribe's guilt about bringing back the Radiance even if it isn't their fault.)

(Part of this headcanon also ties into another hc I have about Radi, which was that she was very involved in her rule and would answer to almost every prayer- including ones that involved illness or injury. If you prayed for the sickness to go away, then she would answer the call and abolish it. The Moths got first treatment, because they as her children knew exactly how to call her, but this also meant that when they switched to PK's rule where he advocated for independence and self-sufficiency based on problem solving, they suffered far more than the others who had to reply on learning their own medical care when Radi was too busy to hear their prayers)

That's not to say that Radiance was a bad ruler by any means, but we do know that she and PK are opposites, and we have records of how distant he was from his civilization, which indicates that Radiance was deeply involved by contrast- likely suffocatingly so. That's part of why I love to play with her and Grimm being siblings, to be honest, because he acts as a sort of neutral zone between the Pale King's style of ruling (by almost zero personal involvement) compared to the Radiance's obsessive control- he holds power over those under his command, but he also relinquishes that power when they fight back, and makes the break from the trope relatively stressless by wiping their memories and leaving them with a defensive charm (if Carefree Melody is any indicator). Likely this is because Grimm is a scavenger-god who has seen how many a kingdom has fallen to ruin, but I can also imagine how an exposure to the Radiance would have encouraged him to give his people more freedom of will while also continuing to engage with them at all, which the Pale King didn't do. But that's a Grimm tangent right there- the point is that I do believe the Radiance did everything out of a love for her people.

The problem is just that emotions are her fatal flaw, and when they don't suffocate, they burn. We know that she isn't just pure emotion made manifest- she's an insidious manipulator, and quite skilled at it, too. She didn't win over the Traitor Lord or break the minds of the bugs of Hallownest through sheer force alone (though I'm sure she had to in some cases...like the Hollow Knight). But everytime she makes a bad decision, it's because her emotions got the best of her. She is the inverse to the Pale King, whose fatal flaw was that his logic blinded him to the emotions he felt towards his children, and to realizing the Vessel Plan was doomed until it is far too late. She got herself to where she was by blazing forth in a fit of fury, and turning the hurricane of her betrayal into a punishment that the entirety of Hallownest got caught up in, whether they were innocent or not. She wormed her way into the minds of those who listened to her and brutally slaughtered the rest. She might have had some justification at first, when she was clawing desperately out of the dark of near-death, but that justification was snuffed out quick. Her anger is brutal, grotesque, vengeful, and all-encompassing. She hates you, the player character, Little Ghost, for what you represent and who you are, and she hunts you relentlessly, using the corpses of the friends and siblings she's killed to try to murder you. But it's not just self-defense: it's hatred. When Ghost challenges her in the Dream Realm, she didn't have to answer, but she did. Because she is fury incarnate, and she will not suffer the mockery of the void-tainted scion of her enemy.

She might have been a benevolent goddess once, but no longer. She's beautiful and majestic. She's also a genocidal monster. Her actions have justification, for they were self-defense and retribution for her betrayal- until she began to destroy the lives of innocents in her hunger for power. She's a complex character, a sympathetic one even, and is even more terrible for it.

So yeah, she scares me, even though I love her. But can you really blame me?

[duquesah]

I've started re-watching the Venom movies recently

It got me thinking about Kayn and Rhaast's relationship in canon, and how for some odd reason Kayn is the only darkin host that wasn't corrupted immediately upon holding the weapon for the first time, and is still fighting against the corruption. Is it true that Kayn is just THAT powerful and Rhaast is the current weakest darkin? Or perhaps there's more to them than we realize?

What I think might be the case is a combination of factors mentioned previously and something else, which I'll talk about in this post so pls stay with me 🙏

Okok so, in Venom (2018) we see how Venom and Eddie meet, how at first they're really just parasite and host, but then after seeing how much they're alike Venom gives everything up. Venom was a nobody amongst the others, just like Eddie, who has lost everything previously. They achieved symbiosis because they are the same, pretty much, and they are so goddamn special that not even Riot (ha) could take them down (with some help of course, love my girl Anne).

THAT got me thinking about Hwei's voice line, the one in which he says "If you just allowed yourselves to BLEND". It's a very interesting line, we can think about some possibilities but first we discuss exactly why Kayn hasn't been corrupted yet (I know I'm rambling a bit, sorry lol)

So, it could be that he really is that powerful, he has been training since childhood (he had a pretty rough one, too). At some point Zed took him in and Kayn became a powerful weapon/tool (parallels!! Kayn being used as a weapon and Rhaast being one, literally) and with his tragic backstory and some other voice lines (this time from Swain, I believe) we know that Kayn, after all he's been through, mistakes hatred for affection, since all he knows is negative, bad things.

So Kayn is traumatized, who isn't? Well, I know for sure the darkin have a very sad past too so let's talk about them (and Rhaast, of course) next

The darkin, once ascended, fought against The Void and each other for some time. The things they've seen and been through cost them their minds, with the years they became less of who they once were, some corrupted beyond redemption and the only way to stop this war was with imprisonment, so that's what happened. Many died, with the remaining ones being sealed away in weapons. Inside their prison they cannot breathe (that's why they sound very out of breath, I was happier before knowing about that) or scream, or do anything really, it's another void, much like the first they fought.

So imagine, after years of being trapped inside a tiny space, some guy finds you and, unlike the others, there's a barrier blocking your way inside their mind. This one is different, that's for sure, but Rhaast is a darkin, he will break this host one day...

But this day seems further and further away, the barrier still strong. Could it be that Rhaast is weaker than the others, or perhaps their tactic of corrupting minds away just doesn't work on Kayn? Well, like I previously talked about, both Kayn and Rhaast have a tragic backstory. my guess is that Rhaast and the other darkin use negative emotions/memories in order to break the host's mind, the pain unbearable to them. But Kayn? Negative emotions/memories is ALL he has, all he ever had, so this method couldn't possibly be the most effective to use, right?

Kayn is stronger than most, sure, but he wasn't immediately corrupted because he is barely affected by Rhaaat's tactics, which consist of breaking the mind with bad memories and emotions, which unfortunately for him is all Kayn knows. It DOES affect him a bit, for all we know, but we can't exactly expect him to be 100% immune, he's still human 🤷‍♀️

We don't know how things are going for them currently, if anyone's winning yet. I actually don't think that's ever happening, because 1. They would break the fucking champion; 2. Is it truly a win if they're just gonna miss each other's company after? (Rhaast presumably doesn't care but that can change, I mean just look at Varus). They would be more powerful, sure, but they only have each other, and with time I think they can be stronger together, they can find a way to get what they both want AND stay together.

ANYWAY what do y'all think? I know I started talking about Venom and Eddie and ended up somewhere else entirely but I just needed to ramble about them, get some ideas in order. Also correct me if I said anything wrong lore-wise, been awhile since I've read about them

[lamemaster]

I Dropped College to Become a Dark Lord

Genre: Crack, Modern guy in Middle Earth

Pairing: tbh

Summary: At first look, Melkor’s form seemed to be devoid of any sort of essence. A chill ran through the Valar as they considered the possibility of his escape. Tulkas and Orome had almost packed up for their adventure to Middle Earth. But then they had felt it. A sudden surge of life.

AN: I think I am kinda funny. Nothing more.

PART 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |

“So, am I the bad guy?” Derek asked. They had somehow managed to reign in the emotions that ran wild in everyone’s mind. Introductions had been made and Derek got to know that Melkor is the name of the body he currently finds himself in.

“Yeah, no shit Melko- “

“Mandos!” the sky bluish light, who he had come to know as Manwe exclaimed.

Much to Derek’s dismay both the Vala switched back to the horrid Valarin. For beings who were the very source of music, one would expect a language calming, soothing, and sweeter than any other. Valarin…was horrendous. It stung in his ears like the noise of thousand nails scratching a blackboard.

He could understand it but trust him it was not worth it. It was the worst culture shock…worse than finding out his body’s origin.

Melkor, the body he entered, is none other than the ultimate bad boy of this world. A criminal who just barely got his parole on nepotism basis at that. Too bad he isn’t here to rejoice or anything. Derek wondered if the dark lord died or the worse possibility, Melkor switched bodies with him.

It was an amusing thought to imagine the dark lord as an engineering student. If there was anything worse than the endless void, it had to be the dark alleys of STEM. Well, he was glad that the report due the next day was not his problem now.

A distant, saner, part of Derek’s mind was still in the midst of processing the fact that he might indeed be dead in his world. His parents, his siblings, or roommates would find out and they would grieve for him. Or if they would delight in the chance of meeting his dark lord version.

The name Illuvatar had remained in Melkor’s memories, the only name that remained. All else was gone with him and so Derek tried it. ‘Umm…excuse me…Illuvatar are you there?’ Derek tried to talk to the possible god and his creator in this world. He had to be the one who must have had any idea of the stupid situation. ‘Am I still Derek? Or am I truly Melkor with an identity crisis or wait am I future Melkor and I time traveled back here. I mean it would be quiet a fall for Melkor to end up as an engineering student but hey it is a possibility.’ he tried asking, only to ramble and sound stupid in his inner monologue. None replied. Head empty no thoughts.

Well damn. This one’s got to have some daddy issues for sure. Derek wondered as he telepathically tried leaving a message for Illuvatar (don’t ask him how. He’s new to the whole thing. Trust the process).

‘ To Illuvatar, I do not know if this is you or not, but I must tell you I am not Melkor. Like I am in his body and it’s super weird. I don’t know if your feral son is dead (if he can die…) or not. I am just kind of in his body. I hope you can like tell me something about this all.’ P.S.- it's kinda urgent.

Hanging up the metaphorical phone Derek became aware of the quiet room. Manwe was staring at him again. It was the same look. Those puppy dog eyes just screamed of younger sibling energy. The look that siblings got seconds before they burst into tears. A precarious look for any older sibling ever.

Manwe was…bright. It was difficult to imagine how he was related to Melkor. Long white hair, glimmering blue eyes, and blue robes to maintain the angelic aesthetic. Manwe was pure innocence and uncorrupted power at the same time.

Melkor on the other hand. Well… Derek kinda could see himself without a mirror or anything. It was a Valar thing. A perk some would say. Just closing his eyes and he could see his form. He had almost screeched at his own reflection.

Melkor was…handsome. Sexy in the ‘I’ll be your fall from grace’ way. Dark black hair, the darkest there could be. Eyes bright like Manwe’s yet, there were glowing golden with the fervor of molten lava buried in the depth of the Earth. And contrasting such stark features was the palest skin ever. It was unlike Manwe’s healthy and flush tan. No Melkor was the supreme edge lord.

“Brother can you still not hear it?” Manwe asked. Derek, who had zoned out, realized that the focus from the previous quarrel had shifted back on him.

“Hear what?” Derek questioned. Was he supposed to hear something? Oh shit! Did someone call Melkor? It was hard remembering to respond to people when they called someone else’s name. Plus, he wasn’t that keen on the idea of discussing this weird possession with the guy who quite literally was a major simp for his brother. The idea of Manwe finding out his brother’s soul was gone was something scarier than Valarin.

With a barely concealed wince, Manwe replied “Do you not hear the music? The song of Arda? What about Illuvatar can you sense him?” Yikes, am I supposed to Derek wondered? To say or not to say, that is the question.

“I think don’t he can Manwe.” Another one of the Vala spoke instead of Melkor. If Derek remembered correctly, he was Ulmo. The Vala of seas, oceans, and rivers was visible in every facet of his personality and looks. Dark blue hair in the very predictably wavy in the fashion of waves, not that Derek disapproved of it. His first impression of Ulmo was that of the quiet kid who actually turns out to be really smart. The quiet kid you should not mess with. ‘Poseidon, Aquaman,’ Derek’s brain unhelpfully listed.

By the looks of it, Ulmo’s words did not sit well with Manwe. “I mean it is not difficult to see Manwe.” Mandos, the Vala who hated Melkor the most, added in support of Ulmo. It was surprising that even Derek felt the heavy animosity. And Derek was nothing if not dense.

Manwe continued to ignore Mandos and Ulmo collectively. “Can you truly not hear it Melkor?” he asked with an uncomfortably consistent eye contact. From his peripheral vision, Derek could see Varda take a step towards them.

“No,” Derek replied. “I cannot hear music or the song you speak of,” and the air in the room stilled. Everything fell silent as Manwe nodded in acceptance. However, Derek was not done. It was time to rip the bandage.

“I don’t remember anyone. I don’t know you or as matter of fact myse- “

“YOU MORON! WHERE IS MY MAIA?” before Derek could have completed his sentence he interrupted and was then promptly strangled by an unseen force. He truly had not seen it coming.

Put back the bandage he distantly wondered.

The room erupted in Chaos as Varda jumped in to save Manwe, who jumped in to save Melkor, who was attacked by Aule who was simultaneously being pulled away by Yavanna.

Chaos came to Valinor. Yet not the chaos that rained destruction but the chaos that mingled with the order to retain the world.

“He…he has returned.”

In the darkest canopy of unvisited forests, a voice whispered with a trace of hysterical joy. The sole existence of those woods. A shadow that lamented in unlit lands.

Once glazed eyes caught the first reflection of the light they once held. Ashen gray hair ignited as if a fire rekindled. Hair that now changed into the blistered red shade of flames. Gone was the lament and mourning.

Mairon had come to life.

“Master Melkor returned,” the silent trees of bleak woods shivered with fear as the fire captured them in its grasp.

With a crazed smile, Mairon wondered if it was time to go get his master back to their lands. Utumno would be rebuilt, and order would be restored.

So, it began as Mairon started making his way to Valinor.

[drivinmeinsane]

I saw that Sebastian/Jacob is being established as a pairing in the fandom. What are your thoughts on them?

I think that they are a perfectly fine ship! I can see how it could appeal to quite a few people. It certainly has merit and all the trappings of being something substantial.

My personal feelings on the pairing are neutrally aligned because La La Land and Crazy, Stupid, Love did not particularly speak to me, and I find the characters of Jacob Palmer and Sebastian Wilder to be... uncompelling. Due to the lackluster feelings on my end, I don’t believe that they are a pairing I would write more than a (requested) drabble or Goosemas one-shot for.

That being said, you did ask for my thoughts on them rather than my opinions. I consider those to be separate things, so let’s get into those thoughts. Warning for incoming rambling under the cut.

Starting with Jacob;

As the movie shows us, he is an incredibly lonely individual, cripplingly so. He can barely function on his own. Jacob seeks to fill the void in his life anything that can be even a temporary balm on the wound. He tells us, via Hannah, that he got addicted to shopping channels. The rush caused by the act of purchasing material goods gave him a high, a distraction, something to focus on other than his reality. Eventually, he turned to picking up people at bar(s) when the dopamine rush was no longer enough and he realized that obtaining physical things didn’t lead to any meaningful sense of accomplishment. The alcohol he drinks loosens him up, numbs every negative emotion into something bearable. It allows him to believe that he can feel loved, wanted. If he drinks right to the edge of overdoing it, the hurt of his bed partners leaving will be less. Besides, it’s just a one-night stand, he doesn’t do relationships so the taste of having something real will not be ruined when it inevitably ends. The heartbreak is less. It is something manageable this way. He’s soaked in insecurity and covers it up with bravado. He’s all flash and no substance. His clothes, his house, his mannerisms, and his life all reflect the notion of what the ideal man is in his own mind. We see this image in the way he molds Cal into the “perfect” specimen.

Moving onto Sebastian;

We’re told time and time again that Seb is a dreamer. He is a romantic, always looking to the stars and ignoring his reality. All of that comes crashing down on him with impact of the wrecking ball that is Mia. He set aside his own dreams for a dose of reality and came out of it successful but alone. We never get to see how that loneliness affects him post-relationship, but I imagine there is a renewed hole in his life that he once again tries to fill with jazz. After all, at the start of the movie his sister was worried about him and wanted him to date. He likely does not do well on his own and adsorbs himself in his obsessions, neglecting himself in the process. He changed his entire life for the sake of someone else, regardless if it was wanted or not. His fatal flaw is that he assumes that he knows what is best for everyone and everything. He is stubborn in that way, sensitive to criticism. However, even past his breaking point, he regathers himself and apologizes and shows support. Enthusiasm comes easily to him. He is affected by emotions, overflowing with them. Love and light explode from within him when it comes to the things that he is passionate about. Anger rise escape just as easily. He can either consume or let his light be snuffed out. He would allow himself be molded if it was done by someone he loved. We have seen it before.

Together;

Jacob is in need of someone that carries the sheer exuberance of the relationship. Seb needs someone who will adore his eccentricities. They both need someone who will stick around. Both men are supportive and needy, loyal to a fault. They both crave reassurance due to the internalized insecurities they are plagued by. They are both stubborn in their own ways. The world could be crumbling around them and, yet, they would not be swayed from what they really care about. Ideally, I think that Sebastian's quirks would relax some of the strain Jacob feels to be perfect. Jazz is messy and wild, it's never the same. It is a contrast to the sterility of canned piano and a home straight out of a minimalist magazine. I think that Jacob in return would be able to tame Sebastian, to reel in some of that impulsive nature. Like a pair of scales, they could balance each other out. Give and take. Neither would be able to eclipse the other. Their relationship would have to contain considerable amounts of trust from both parties. Jacob would have to trust Sebastian to not get too lost in his love for jazz and believe that he would always come back to him no matter how far away his might career take him. Sebastian would have to have faith that Jacob wouldn't wander away to take up with someone more socially acceptable and that he truly is content with him.