#this is one of my favorite fandoms that I've ever been in

[olderthannetfic]

I accidentally killed my own desire to write, and I need some advice. To be really blunt about it, what's the point of writing? When I would spend lots of time laboring over making a good story with a plot and characters who were in-character and connecting all the dots narratively so payoffs were satisfying, my reward was dead silence and virtually no clicks. I posted some mindless smut to my side account one day and got more hits in a day than most of my other works combined got in a year. I know, I know. "Write for ~*~yourself~*~" is the common response. It's the "be yourself!" of writing. It's supposed to be a magical phrase that'll make everything okay. But... I don't like knowing that something I spend months working on won't be read by anyone while something I write in a car while bored got thousands of clicks. I don't like making something I'm proud of and then no one ever looks at it. That's not fun for me. It's not fulfilling.

For a solid decade, I've tried to ignore how the level of interactivity in fandom is falling. Fewer comments. Fewer kudos. No comments in the bookmarks. You put your tumblr and Discord in the AN and get a handful of asks and one person who adds you, talks to you twice and then ghosts you. Most of the comments are "well, actuallys", made even more annoying by them being wrong as opposed to actually correcting an error. I avoid fandom drama, wank, and infighting. I don't engage with things I know will make me unhappy. I try to be happy over in my own little corner. I comment on every single work I read. I want people to enjoy fandom. I used to.

Some dumb smut I wrote in 40 minutes gets five times the hits of the writing I'm most proud of, and it gets it in just under three months. I am not a great smut writer. I haven't stumbled onto an incredible talent I had that makes it so the issue is that I'm so amazing my smut brings all the boys to the yard. People just don't like what I write and put effort into. It's very likely that despite 20 years of writing fic, I suck at writing. And people enjoy my writing most when they don't have to put up with anything substantial and can just skip to the sex.

So for the last eight months, when I write, I just sort of give up. Close the Word doc without saving. No one will read this. No one cares about this. There is no fan eagerly awaiting every update like I await updates from my favorite authors. There's not even someone saying, "update soon!" Close the Word doc. Delete old WIPs. There's no point. I do not tell stories worth reading. I used to. In the FFN days people genuinely enjoyed my work. I'd never have had an opportunity to do the 'I won't update until I get 3 reviews' thing because getting that many on a chapter was usually something I'd do overnight. Post before bed. Wake up. Read the reviews before school. I peaked in high school, I guess.

And now I'm just sort of lost. I still have lots of ideas. Ideas for fics fall into my head all the time. That's never been a problem. What I don't have is any motivation to write them. What's the point of writing? If no one else is reading, I guess the point would be so I could go back and read my own story and have fun with it. Write for myself. But I can review the story and have fun with it in my head without writing it down. It's substantially faster and more importantly, isn't incredibly depressing.

So, at the risk of definitely being calld the second-coming of True Art Anon or a troll or validation-seeking or haha mentally ill haha... what's the point of writing?

--

Okay, so write porn in a car while you're bored.

Look, you can whine all you want about my response, but what you've written here is blatantly about depression.

Lots of people in fandom are still interacting. And no, it isn't just on fics that are objectively written to some pro fiction standard or whatever. Teenagers still breathlessly review poorly spelled cracky masterpieces about this year's big anime and so forth.

Yes, there may be reasons why you in particular are in a slump when it comes to fandom friendships or "plz update" comments. We can talk about that. But this ask is all gloom about fandom in general. That's not realism: that's you having a problem.

--

As for why a person should write: because the actual hours you spend doing the writing are fun.

If they aren't pleasurable in some way, find another hobby.

--

But if you want an answer to the age old "Why did my 5 minute fic get 1000000x more asspats", I've seen meta about this for literally decades.

The most likely reason is that the fic we write quickly and without much thought often feels fresher and more fun. The things we labor over endlessly can feel overworked. Even in cases where they don't, they're often heavier subject matter or more niche subject matter. On top of all that, we just care more, so even a high level of feedback doesn't really feel like enough for the effort and care we put in.

--

Do you really need me to tell you why you don't feel the same as in high school when things were fresh and new?

Go read up on combatting burnout or dealing with post-college anxiety or managing stress in a dead-end job in your 30s or finding meaning in your 40s or whatever is going on.

Everyone goes through fallow periods in fandom and in life.

Feeling reinvigorated has to do with internal factors and some general life circumstance stuff. It doesn't have that much to do with number of kudos. That's just the surface trigger for a mood that was already there.

[stellocchia]

I'm thinking about Stage 3 yet again (to no one's surprise)...

Anyway, I've been thinking specifically that, with how much the fandom and, like, I'm assuming most people in their actual multiverse (including Killer's other Stages) treat it as just an animal, it'd be a big shock to hear him speak.

Personally, I don't think he'd be a big talker. A lot of that is superfluous for someone who's so in touch with its instincts. I already think Killer in general would be great at reading body language, but Stage 3 would most likely be on a league of its own.

But still, sometimes it does. Once someone has been deemed no longer a threat so eliminating them is no longer its priority.

I can imagine the first time Color heard it speak he literally just froze thinking "I didn't know it could do that".

Nightmare and Chara never heard it speak. To the very end they were convinced it couldn't. Truthfully, it just really dislikes them in particular and just wants to bite their faces off any time it sees them. (Stage 3's never-ending beef with Killer's 'owners' will forever be one of my favorite headcanons).

But the funniest thought for me as well as what sparked this whole post to begin with, was the idea that the very first person Stage 3 ever talked to was Delta. And when asked why it just grinned and went "Nobody will believe you".

It is a natural instinct for every single Stage to mess with the orange man. And Stage 3 is right. For the longest time nobody believed Delta at all. Poor guy

[nikethestatue]

I finished ACOSF a few months ago and seeing this fandom has been so confusing to say the very least. Nesta is my favorite character and I loved the Valkyries but .... I just don't see this Gwynriel ship happening. I think they'd be cute together and I wouldn't be opposed to it obviously - but I just don't see it happening given where we left off in ACOSF. I also am confused about the personality difference in Gwyn & Elain and Azriel.

Gwyn didn't even kill anyone in the BR and was knocked out and carried to the top - so why are people acting like she is some great warrior and will destroy legions of armies and lead the Illyrians into war!? She saw a mini Pegasus at a sleepover and through it was cute and now all of a sudden people think she's going to ride one in the skies while she paints Prythian with the blood of her enemies? What enemies even?? She's not tied to any of the IC's plot?

Elain didn't really stand out to me in ACOSF, which makes sense because it was NESTA's story. I didn't really have an opinion on her and Azriel or her and Lucien. I get that Lucien makes her uncomfortable but SJM writes her pairings that way it seems so I could see them ending up together tbh. But then I read the BC and - wtf ?? I am firmly team Elriel now because what do you mean Azriel's out here dreaming about how elain TASTES . I see you freaky azriel 👀 goddamn I Definitely was not expecting that from him but now that I have seen it I can't go back. There's no way SJM wrote that and plans on making Elain then end up with Lucien. Like I thought it would be fine but after that BC - there's no going back.

Either way - it's weird that people have such a strong opinion on Azriel and Elain because I think combined, they've said maybe like 200 words total? I like the idea of them but we dont know much about them? Why are people forming such harsh steadfast opinions on what either of them want or need or desire when we don't know much of anything? They're both kind of mysterious.

Idk I feel like I just missed a book with how strongly everyone is arguing about these guys.

Elain - had some badass moments but barely mentioned on the page in ACOSF

Azriel - even more mysterious than Elain but the dry humor makes up for it.

Lucien - he's not been in the past 2 books?

Gwyn - is great but not the Aelin type of warrior people online are making her out to be

Where is all this coming from I am very confused??

Honestly, most of this is coming from TikTok, Headcanons and fan art on Insta.

You have NO IDEA how many asks i've received over the years with people saying the same thing 'i saw so many Gwynriel arts on Insta and I thought that there will be some amazing romance in ACOSF. THEN, I read the book. And I kept waiting for something to happen and nothing ever did."

I think the key word for a lot of GAs is 'then'--they first saw the art, watched the tiktoks, got themselves all jacked up on theories and headcanons, and then, THEN they read the book. So now, the problem is that they have a hard time separating reality/canon from all that stuff that brought them to the fandom in the first place.

They are digging their heels and arguing that it WILL HAPPEN!!! absolutely will. Gwyn will become a great warrior and will ride a Pegasus into battles. Azriel will fall madly in love with her. They'll have kinky sex and she'll 'heal' him.

ALL of it comes from fan art. Literally, look at 99% of Gwynriel fan art and it's all 'fake'--imagined scenes that never happened.

I think many of them either left the fandom or can't accept that they've been duped and are incorrect in their assumptions.

It will be interesting to see what the fallout will be once the book is released.

[kitkatnerds3]

God I love the Sanders Sides fandom. All it takes is exactly one 'what if sanders sides had an anime opening?' skit video and every fander who left for greener pastures is immediately back and we are once again trending on Tumblr in under three hours. It's wonderful.

[tragicvampireromanceisland]

they are SILLY!!! and CUTE!!! and UNDERRATED!!! that is all!!! 💛💚

[chainofclovers]

I'm curious: How do you perceive kudos? As the person whom you reblogged put it, I have comment anxiety, so I often stay silent. But kudos ... when I press that button I do so because I found the writing excellent, the story wonderfully crafted, it made me feel feelings (happy, sad, or everything in between), I thought about it for days/weeks after, etc. Do they mean the same to you as a recipient?

Hi anon! It makes me happy to see my email with kudos I received during the prior day, and I love seeing familiar usernames, kudos from friends, kudos from people whose usernames are entirely unfamiliar to me, kudos from one person on multiple stories. I don't believe I am owed comments or that anyone is owed comments, and it means a lot when someone takes the time to read one of my stories. That little gesture of pressing that kudos button is always appreciated.

But no, kudos don't mean the same thing to me as a comment does. Not because kudos isn't great, but because a comment feels so personal, like a gift. It's an immediate endorphin rush to read even a very short comment expressing what someone felt about a story. As a writer, nothing really beats someone taking the time to leave some written thoughts on my work. Whether it's a single line or a multi-paragraph deep dive, a comment notification makes my heart beat faster, simply put.

(And I'll add that I know that as a commenter, I sometimes leave those long multi-paragraph deep dives out of sheer enthusiasm. Other times, my comments are much shorter. I try not to get too in my head about that, hoping that authors appreciate a comment regardless of what kind of time I have. Also, the length of my own comments is NEVER something I'd want people reading my work to feel self-conscious about when choosing what to say about my stories...I love all comments, short and long, general and detailed!)

Some people are just not into leaving comments, and that's okay. I would never want leaving me a comment to feel like a chore, and as I said before, no one creating anything is owed a particular type of feedback. But since you said you have comment anxiety, that makes me infer that perhaps you want to be leaving comments, and would do so if it didn't make you feel anxious. So let me just say that in your ask to me, you constructed an absolutely perfect format for your comments:

"I found this writing excellent. It made me happy and I'm going to think about this for days."

"Your story was wonderfully crafted. I felt happy, sad, and every emotion in-between. I thought about it for *weeks* and now I'm back let you know!"

"Your writing is excellent. I'm so sad about [character] now, and just had to tell you."

You could always add something specific about what that person's writing was doing that felt so wonderfully crafted, or pull out a line or two that really stuck out to you as great, but there's certainly no obligation. The above comments, built out of your own words, would make my day to receive and I think I can speak for most writers here in saying it's hard to think of a writer who wouldn't feel the same. And in terms of the anxiety of having an interaction online...after leaving a comment like that, the "worst" thing that would happen is the writer feels happy about your comment but doesn't answer. (Which, again, their prerogative. No questions asked. Everyone interacts differently.) The best thing that could happen is that you'll hear back from a writer and be affirmed that your feedback made a real difference in their day. And either way, you'll know you made someone happy.

[rainbowvamp]

oh fuck. wait. hold on. do we have a pacific rim dreamling au yet?? do we? because. fuck. fuck. we need one. listen, it's a fandom right of passage. we need a pacific rim au that we're all obsessed with. we deserve it.

[wastelandroses]

A love letter to Young Royals...

Sobbed through the final minutes of the last episode... Young Royals has stuck with me since the summer it came out, during the three emotionally challenging years of lukio and now both are ending.

It’s an odd feeling that a show has faintly illustrated a whole chapter in my life, but along the way I’ve grown and learned about myself and my identity too. The series felt like a rock I could fall back on whenever I was struggling and needed and escape.

Young Royals is a gut-wrenching and a heartwarming series about queer love and intimacy, friendship, redemption and forgiveness, media scrutiny, class differences, prejudice and privilege, grief, generational trauma, mental health and so much more. It’s a story about broken families and flawed people. It has a happy ending.

I love the rawness and humanity of the portrayal of the world, its characters, the relationships and moments they share. I have grown to care about these characters and their arcs so much. It has taught me a lot too.

The series is about Wille choosing himself, his happiness and health over living in an institution that would’ve eventually led to his doom. It’s about Simon gaining his voice back and being heard by people he loves most. It’s about Felice not giving in the pressure of oppressive hierarchies, standing up for herself and staying with people who care about the real her. It’s about Sara stumbling but getting up again, wanting to grow and learning to love herself after having wronged her loved ones. It’s about August feeling and then losing the slightest taste of what could’ve been if he hadn’t chosen revenge over healing. Poetic justice.

It’s about choices.

It’s about platonic and familial love. It’s about romantic love. The writing built Wilmon’s story not just as a romance but also something worth rooting for. Their love is about about rejecting old heteronormative traditions and rebuilding worldviews. It’s about a person who loves you unconditionally, is your best friend and soulmate despite setbacks. It’s about creating a safe space with someone to express feelings and be yourself. It's about heartbreak, longing and desire. It’s about communication, authenticity and comfort. It’s about respect and growth as a person. It’s about love.

And it’s never over. A new fresh chapter has started for all of us, including the characters.

Young Royals has helped me to come into touch with my emotions and be more honest with myself. I’ve had to reconstruct certain believes and unfair standards I’ve had for others. I’ve gone through several journeys focusing on my identity and mental health for which I’m eternally grateful for.

All of this feels so strange because the reason I even started watching Young Royals was that I didn’t want to fail my Swedish courses at school during the first year. Funnily enough it might’ve worked a little too well because one of my matriculation exams was Swedish.

To me Young Royals has brought me comfort and a feeling of home that no other show could’ve provided. This show will aways have a special place in my heart wherever I go, and it has been an honor to see it grow and get the recognition it deserves.

Går skilda vägar när det är slut

Nåt som jag kommer minnas livet ut <3

[koritea]

The utter devastation of realizing you don't really want to draw the character you've been obsessed over for the last year anymore

[bloodyarson]

no one could ever actually hate star wars as much as us star wars fans do. and yet i love it so much despite how fucking awful it can be. why.

[charlesemersonwinchesteriii]

for the 'why wouldn't date them'

charles, hawkeye, trapper

and i think you might be into twin peaks? if so, dale cooper and donna hayward

whichever ones you want to do :)

Ahhhhhh omg thank you for all of these I want to do them ALL but let's go backwards.

Donna Hayward

Ok so the thing is I AM into Twin Peaks but it's been a while since I've seen it and I tried to watch The Return but I was too stupit to understand much less enjoy it :( sowwy. So I would be dating my own flawed incomplete interpretation of a person, really. Typical Twin Peaks. 

Anyways I love Donna! I think we have similar personalities and stuff. In all brutal honesty I think if I were in her situation with a friend like Laura I’d have done similar things. Also yeah maybe her actions did lead a man to suicide but that was NOT her fault. I think the only three things that would prevent an attempt at a relationship here are 

1) The obvious. Her taste in men = atrocious. In all the rest of these hypotheticals where the character is already canonically in a relationship or has feelings for another character I’m just like yeah the more the merrier but if Donna insists on inviting her insufferable ass boyfriend into the mix I could NOT fucking do it I’m sorry. 

2) This girl is not ready for a relationship yet after All That god damn. But then again neither am I so maybe that balances out. We would need to spend some time as support group buddies just hugging and crying a lot before even considering a date. 

3) It is unlikely we would ever interact as I am never setting foot in that town ever in my life are you kidding me. Donna is super pretty in both her incarnations but I’m sorry I don’t think any pussy pops severely enough for me to risk going to fucking doorknob hell or some shit.

Dale Cooper

Ignore everything I said in that last paragraph. I change my mind. I forgot my beautiful autism creature husband is here. I would risk it all for a date with Dale Cooper and so would all who know and perceive the truth. AND he’s got two hot girlfriends with him at least one of whom is ALSO an autism creature??? Sign me the FUCK up for this polycule IMMEDIATELY. “Oh but OP what about the horrors” I don’t even fucking care it’s fine. Dale can have little an evil doppelganger. As a treat.

Still there are some problems:

1) Dale is an FBI agent and Harry is a cop. Booooooo!!!! But maybe if Annie and Caroline and I unionize we can force them to quit their jobs. 

2) Unclear if I would be forced to join the Black Lodge Horror Vision Rotation along with Annie and Caroline. Boring and time consuming task and unlike Laura you don’t even get to do a Big Scream.

3) I personally actually don’t like pie or coffee at all :( I’m sorry babygirl I understand if this is a deal breaker. 

Trapper McIntyre 

You know that “golden retriever boyfriend” joke? Trapper is like THE golden retriever boyfriend to me. Which I mean as an absolute compliment! Golden retrievers are friendly, helpful, adorable, lovable dogs. I am always up to pet a golden retriever.

But the thing is, I would never get one myself. They’re just a bit too big, bit too much energy, bit too messy, and anyways I prefer cats. No hate, no judgment, just a series of tiny preferences. Not into jocks, not into casual no-strings-attached type relationships, not super into kids, you know how it is. Boring and petty answer but I just feel like this adorable happy-go-lucky goldie deserves the PERFECT forever home and obviously he’s one of the most popular of all the dogs at the Mashblr shelter so I know he’ll get adopted super fast. So I can turn my attention to the miserable ass overbred old cat in the corner <3

Hawkeye Pierce

Oh, Hawkeye. I just don’t think so. Idk what’s wrong with me but I have to work to see Hawkeye as like. A dateable entity in my mind. He’s our little scrunkly! It’d be weird to date a scrunkly. BUT maybe I’ve just been overexposed to him purely by dint of being in the fandom he’s the main character of, because objectively I DO find Mr. Alda’s portrayal of him in certain scenes to be Attractive (TM), and seeing clips of his charisma and charm and humor and all that good handsome stuff is literally what got me to check out the show in the first place! Man. What happened. Hmm. 

I think one issue is that scenes where he’s explicitly trying to be Romantic and/or Seductive have just never done it for me. Like comparing Hawkeye’s lovey scenes with Kyung Soon to Charles’ with Martine, there’s no contest in how they make me feel. To me, Hawkeye is honestly at his most appealing when he’s radiating Friend Energy, which is why his casual relationships actually work really well IMO; you feel like he’s truly a great pal to the nurses he hooks up with. This is also, I think, one of Piercintyre’s great strengths as a ship, because Hawkeye and Trapper both have amazing Friend Energy and then their natural compatibility makes that bleed seamlessly into sweet romantic vibes. And to be clear I would LOVE to be in a Friends To Lovers relationship too but unfortunately I am cringely obsessed with loveydovey romance in a way I’m not sure Hawkeye is even capable of. Plus there’s also just the fact that I’m a shy waiting til marriage person and I suck at banter and yeah it’s just not working. In conclusion neither Hawkeye nor Trapper should date me they should date each other!! But we knew that :P

THAT CUNT

There are 10000000 reasons not to date Charles. But I will be doing it anyways ^_^ Peace and love on planet earth <3

Anyways I’m not bringing up his Problematicness as a reason here because I didn’t bring it up for anyone else and nobody noticed, so why should it be any different with him. Like no obviously I would not date this dumbfuck racist but I also would not date a guy who thinks it’s a funny prank to make a woman think she’s being sexually assaulted. I also for that matter would not date a guy who works with the dumbfuck racist and is like aw, ya know what, he’s not that bad really :) the second they have a chance to have a bonding moment. I guess I have decided to be a buzzkill about that forever now btw sorry :( oh well 

But ok no real talk I would Not date Charles unless one very specific condition is met, which is that I have whatever magic stardust they sprinkled on his single-episode love interests before they put them in the story that made him be utterly besotted with them, because more than any other character on the show, it seems, the difference between Regular Charles and Charles In Love is so hysterically huge??? Like fuck. My dudes. We’ve done it. We found the one villain who actually does do a complete 180 and starts trying to act right as soon as a girl takes pity on him enough to look at him twice. (Disclaimer: I haven’t seen Ain’t Love Grand yet I’m sorryyyyyyyy) He’s so ~romantic~ and it’s like catnip to me unfortunately. :\ The total opposite of what I said about Hawkeye up there. Offers a girl his stupid little teacup and recites poetry at her. Unbelievable. Did anyone ever think about the fact that maybe I would like to be offered a teacup and recited poetry at. No. You all only think about yourselves.  

Like even though objectively the way he nukes his relationship with Martine was hurtful to both of them, he’s so Tender the whole time it’s insane. She turned him into her pauvre petit miaou miaou overnight. I want that power so fucking bad I NEED that power so fucking bad. Say it with me everyone. I Could Fix Him. (”But OP Martine and Donna DIDN’T fix him he still left them both and never mentioned them again?” Yes but don’t worry they were just loosening the lid on his jar a little bit. I’ll get him open you’ll see. He’s gonna be soooo well trained when I’m done I’ll make him apologize to Maxwell and everything. He won’t even need the shock collar after a few weeks.)

But yeah if I have to like, try to appeal to him on my own it’s not fucking happening. I have no desire to hear the equivalent of a DOS deepfake hologram that has become evil due to being trained on text scraped from youtube comments tell me I’m ugly and stupid, which is exactly what would happen. Up til now I’ve sidestepped the issue that I do not think any of these people would give me the time of day (except Maxwell who would take pity on me probably because he is sososo Good) but I cannot ignore how much Charles just would Not like me. I don’t know how the selfshipper community does it they’re braver than any fucking US marine over there fr. Charles would look at me like I was a gross little bug on the ground and I can’t escape it. Oh well. Who needs him. Where’s your sister you dipshit I’m about to GET IT

[evenstarfalls]

After much reading and contemplation I have come to the conclusion that sup⁣⁣erb⁣at is not the best ship for Clark and it's not the best super/bat ship. It is, however, one of a few good Bruce ships and most people care way more about Batman.

[dollarstoreparadise]

i have been utterly engrossed with trigun lately so i made a playlist (a good 40% of it is wolfwood related at this point)

[theghostofashton]

.

[osmosisdreams]

/ ughhh sorry my dudes for being gone and having vanished without a word! a lot was going on irl. I don't know if I'll be back writing here again soon since my muse has waned since I started. I'm trying to get back to this and I do want to (god forbid someone's gotta take care of this poor muse with all the rampant hate lately!), but I can't guarantee it right at this time.

stuff below the cut just in case.

basically my family and I adopted a kitten who turned out to be sick with FIP (a deadly and almost guaranteed fatal disease in kittens). we had to put him down because by the time we got the correct diagnosis for what was going on with him it was way too late and the poor baby was suffering. prior to that it was a lot of mental exhaustion, both in regard to the cats (my older girl was starting to have less severe issues, but it was stuff we had to tend to).

aside from that I also have depression and fatigue, so it was all a bad combination of things all at once.

we've since adopted another kitten and are hoping everything turns out okay this time. my older girl is doing much better now too.

meanwhile now I'm dealing with a skin condition on top of pre-existing skin conditions and boyyy I am just tired. everything on top of trying to deal with finances in this shit economy where I live has just wiped me out.

again, I'm so sorry I just vanished out of nowhere without a word. I was looking forward to writing with y'all and then everything kinda just happened all at once. OTL I hope my muse will pop back in eventually enough for me to get back to writing. it's been ages since I properly wrote on Tumblr.

[stellacendia]

Opened a new fic on AO3 with an author's note saying "to my fellow Americans, what a week, huh?" So out of curiosity I checked the date it was posted in case I could recall a specific event on that date and

It was posted November 7th 2020 lmao