#this is really personal for me and so im asking ppl nicely just not to do that pls ;; | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

benetnvsch · 8 months

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we're all gonna die

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[Familiar/Platonic- pls don't tag ship if reblogging]

so my friend passed away young when I was eighteen and I am still,, dealing with That All .. today would have been his birthday. He would have turned 25. Oda + Dazai's story have always reminded me of his and mine down to Oda's birthday. this song has also reminded me of him since we have spent time around tillamook actually so decided to draw this in memory. I hope you're resting peacefully friend

#tw death mention #interactions that bring ships into this will result in a block just fyi-#this is really personal for me and so im asking ppl nicely just not to do that pls ;;#kite draws #kite watches bsd #Dazai osamu #oda sakunosuke #lying on the ground now #very happy with how this turned out actually #it's just how I imagined it in my brain which is rare #he was very at peace with his death which mmm I need to accept still #but the lyrics also remind me of that #the inevitability of death #and accepting that all beautiful things must come to an end <33 #but it's hard to lose loved ones #anyway #sorry kajdhkj-#happy birthday Oda as well :)

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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 days

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#its weird. everyone ive met at work has been really nice #its a different group of people than ive interacted with thus far in my life as ive mostly not #had many friends and spent all my time in school. this group of people is mostly from the area where they grew up. mostly barely getting by #financially. mostly married or engaged or in serious relationships. and its weird. and it has been weird and maybe it will always be weird #but i dont understand how to interact with people. im not there for conversations im not present for but how do other ppl interact with #eachother? bc in a conversation i want to get to kno how a person works. what motivates them. what do they love? what do they hate? what #makes them the person that they are? i just want to understand. so i ask lots of questions and it feels weird bc i dont get #the same energy back and i have to conclude that either i have a very different mindset when im walking into conversations or else im just #not vedy interesting and no one wants to get to kno me. but if thats not how ppl communicate then i dont understand how ppl have friends?#and keep friendships? like i want to crawl into ur brain and understand what makes u tick #how can we b friends if i dont understand who u r? i dunno. maybe ill never understand #maybe work is not the place to make friends. but i dont kno how to interact with others outside of a structure #one of the ppl i talked to is maybe my age with a 6yo son and is freshly engaged and she was like: u moved across the coutry all by urself?#i could never do that. and like yea u have ties that bind u to the place u live. its easy to move around when u have nothing to lose #im so bad at maintaining friendships. i just let them drift away into nothing bc i dont kno what to do with the.#with them.#unrelated

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siriuslynephilim · 8 months

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i just came out to a real life person and i think im having a heart attack

#IT WAS SO UNPLANNED I HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT AT ALL I DIDN'T EVWN THINK WE WERW FRIENDS??#she lives in the building next to mine and we go to tui together to divide the auto fare and we've been walking home 2-3 dino se #and she likes kpop and kdramas #but like there isn't that Spark yk like oh ny god i love u best friends forever its a little awkward and formal still #but we were talking about something and oh my god #when we reached home we were standing uski building ke neeche and she was like i want to introduce you to my childhood bestie i think you #two will like each other #and i was like kinda weirded out like um are we that close yet i thought we were just classmates 😭😭#so i asked ki oh why all of a sudden #and she's like 'i like you' and i look at her and laugh and she said STOP LAUGHING i don't meant it like that im straight ok #and idk something in me snapped i was like oh are u homophobic too?#but pls she didn't know what it meant 😭 so i explained ki do u hate gay people then #she said no no ofc not SO I JUST BLURTED OUT KI good cause im bisexual #THE SHOCK ON HER FACE OMG im saying this now in freaking out now but at that time i said it really coolly and proudly without fumbling #my voice didn't drop down to a low volume or waver or anything (which im so proud bc she's like the first irl person ive come out to face #to face??????? i mean obv childhood friends don't count they're all gay #but anyway she was like OH and then SHE FUMBLED she was like oh nice i respect u very much and it was so awkward i was like haan haan shut #up just don't tell anyone very few ppl know 😭and she wasn't done she was like so as i was saying #we're growing old and real good friendships are getting harder to find and i like you (stop laughing!!) and i hope we don't jinx it #and she literally touched a wooden table lying there and said touchwood???? 😭😭😭😭😭#now i am thinking why did i tell her she's so extroverted she talks to everyone we go to the same tui this town is tiny #she could tell everyone my parents could find out #but also a part of me is relieved cause im so sick of hiding something that is such a small yet imp part of me #and if she tells everyone then cool maybe there'll be more queer people i can't ve the only queer person in this town and we could be #friends and my parents eh they'd never believe something like that they'll ask me if it's true and ill say nah just rumors dumb kids #and they'll believe me because they'll want to believe me so bad #so no harm #i still don't feel very bestfriendy with her but maybe my standards are too high 😭 idk ig i can't see myself being friends with her #for a long time if we weren't forced by circumstances and i don't like her that much but im happy i got to say it #literally said it omg 'kyunki main hu. bisexual' FUCK THAT FELT GOOD

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bangcakes · 7 months

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#personal #i think that like... the dam's broken. for lack of a better term #or i guess the ice ???? idk man #either way. been messaging back n forth with him like crazy for the past few days #i just decided that like.... whatever. if i feel like saying something i should just say it to him !!!#and i think me being open has led to him being open....#god its so hard when both ppl only really talk when they have something to say JFJDJDJDJDJDJDJDJJD #like... i cant even make up a reason to talk to him. i cant pretend to be dumb n not understand anything. he'll know its bullshit NDJDJDJDN #n e way...... defs met my match here lmao. but really its been so nice just being able to talk to him when i want. bc waiting until being i #person was getting so !!@@@ long !!! like god. i didnt know i could miss someone so bad...... its so !!@@@@@@#gah !!!!!!!!!!!!#n e way. things are goin in the right direction #and hahaha !!!!!!@ i have a game plan to make sure we stay in touch too !!!!! me n one of my other friends promised to keep in touch with #each other and i was like oh should we invite everyone else. and she was like oh !! maybe ____ so i was like !!!!!!!!#so true !!!!!!!!!!@#gosh im so excited i really like them both so much we're all similar temperaments so ya..... ive wanted to make sure i keep them JFJFJFJD #n e way. we still havent asked him but hopefully he says yes !!!! bc he always sits behind us n im just like !!!! ik you wanna sit with us #so just sit beside us istg !!!! but ah ... i think hes shy #god hes so cute #and shes like not competition btw. like..... she has a bf. she knows i like this guy now (i spilled. i couldnt hold it in 💀💀💀). and ya !!#hopefully exciting things coming!!!

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girlwithfish · 8 days

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he asked if I was comfortable w myself and I got really uncomfortable and was laughing and looked away and id already been squirming a lot and fidgeting talking abt myself and my aloneness w him anyway I said no. idk if thats true but I think it is mostly true. oop

#he said that was fine lol #And when i was talking abt not making friends nd all that stuff nd how i regret it i also said i dont think im very good w ppl #he said he didnt think less of me or anything or differently #idk i like talking to him abt more personal stuff but i alsoam realizing i literally never talk abt myself on a deeper level #to anyone esp out loud so i fidget a lot and have a hard time articulating #and then he asked if its hard for me to talk abt bc i think abt it a lot and just dont talk abt it verbally or is it just coming up etc #Nd i said its the first one. bc i think abt my aloneness sooo much its become a part of me but i feel so alone/have a really small social #circle thats basically just my family irl and no one else that im just. not used to talking abt how i feel #or abt myself on a deeper lvl bc i never do #my work interactions the past several months its just middle aged ppl and children who i was primarily interacting with #he also mentioned how i said i wasnt close w my family and idk wjy it touched me that he remembered. and i just like that he was curious i #guess and asking questions nd non judgmental. bare minimum? lol #but i guess it felt nice to talk to someone even tho im not used to it nd dont shed emotional vulnerability often w anyone #anywah on my drive home this morning i realized i havent made a consistent true friend in like seven years 😃😃😃😃😂

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ofalltheginjoints · 2 years

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#my fatal flaw is actually that i will never actually give anyone consequences for treating me like shit #like. you could stab me and i’d probably apologize to you #i got an uber bc i really didn’t want to wait 45min for the bus (plus the hour bus ride)#and like i literally hadn’t even buckled my seatbelt before the driver started complaining to me about how he’s losing so much money on #this trip and how lyft is screwing him over and that i should tip him $10 for his troubles and like.#i asked him if he wanted me to get out and find another one and he just kept avoiding the question #while still telling me how much this trip was costing him and quite literally making me feel like shit for requesting the ride #and i ended up changing the drop off location to somewhere that was like. closer bc i just didn’t want to be in the car anymore #and after i did that he was still going #like. i’m sitting in the back of his car on the fucking highway getting berated bc i just wanted to fucking go home after work #and you know what i did?#gave him 5 stars and 25% tip bc ‘well he shouldn’t lose his job just bc i had a bad experience’#but now im sitting here at a mall waiting for my mom to come pick me up and trying not to cry #and i wish i would’ve like. given a truthful ride review or just skipped it bc like #no i don’t want him to lose his job and if i give him one star he possibly could #but also that guy was literally being a massive dick to me and i literally tipped him for it.#i want to be a nice person always but like. i think sometimes me being nice is just letting ppl do whatever the want and being complacent #and i fucking hate it #after like a while of him going on i stopped him and was like #hey man i get its tough and i feel for you but it’s not my fault and i really don’t feel like talking rn #so im gonna put my headphones in #and this motherfucker goes ‘umm ok i mean thats kind of awkward but ok’#LIKE YOU DIDNT MAKE IT AWKWARD THE MOMENT I GOT IN YOUR CAR #expect maybe im overreacting?????????#anyway. um everything is bad and terrible rn and i just wanna go home but ive still got an hour before my mom gets off work :)#if you actually read all of this i 1) am so sorry and 2) literally love u and also im sorry

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lobotomizedlady · 3 months

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When I ask the young women in my life what their favorite compliment is the vast majority say smth looks based :/ luckily the old women say personality based stuff but it sucks that so many women have to wait until they are like 60 to prioritize beauty less than more important traits.

that doesn't surprise me sadly & yeah it is very sad that women go most of our lives obsessed with being seen as beautiful, bc that's the thing society tells us is our primary source of value aside from serving men & pumping out babies.

#my favorite compliment is when someone says im funny or interesting its like crack to me . or should i say kratom .#bc i was selectively mute as a kid to avoid being seen as an annoying weirdo & it just turned me into ''that boring freak''.#so any time a peer would compliment me (rare) would just be like ''youre really nice!'' which is like...fine but y'know #they obv couldnt think of literally anything else . growing up autistic is sooo fun #but anyways now that im loud & exhuberent when i want to be bc i no longer care what ppl think they actually like me usually which is still #a shock to my system. in a good way. like i rly thought i was gonna be ignored forever. but all i had to do was not stifle my personality #and y'know. gain some social awareness lol #asks

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spiked-mall-goth · 1 year

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heyyyyyy <3 <3 i feel terrible.

i had planned to stay off longer but i genuinely have had like three nervous breakdowns since i left bc right as i decided it was abt time i just chill for a little bit everything started happening all at once. so i came back to see my silly little internet friends, but like the second i logged back on some ppl were talking smack abt me sooooooooo... ya know. my day (two weeks) be so fine,, then BOOM my entire schedule fills up and i become hollow on the inside! (hey sorry like vent post n tags i need to get things out of my brain)