#this is so dumb i have to get up at 6ish

[what-even-is-sleep]

Just got shouted at in front of an entire gym because the front desk person is a rude fucking assjole. FUCK

[h3avens4ngel]

𝐂𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 ・miguel o’hara smut, nsfw

- breading kink, needy Miguel, p in v, choking, pet names, overstimulating, crying from overstiming, soft dom mig, rough sex!, size kink

Miguel was a needy husband to say the least.

He couldn’t help but give your ass a nice squeeze whenever you wore those tiny pj shorts or bury his face in your neck whenever you wore a tight tank top just to feel your tits press against him.

It was almost as if anything you did would make him weak at the knees. You wear his tee shirt, he’s wrapped around your waist. Your cooking a meal, he’s buried in your neck telling you how lucky he is.

“I know chula, yo sé que te gusta” he pouted as the aftermath of wearing his baggy tee was in full affect. Miguel had you bent over the kitchen counter with a fist full of your hair tangled in his hand.

You were dumbly bouncing along with his hard thrusts, drool pooling out of your mouth as he knocked the air out of you. He’d been at it for god knows how long but the last you remember, you were in the kitchen around 6ish putting some dishes away and now it’s almost 8.

“Asi mami, relájate” he cooed as he felt you clench around him. He talked you through his constant pounding, cock stretching and stuffing you deliciously. You could feel him in the deepest places, his fat tip nudged against your cervix as his cock slid in and out of you at a pace that was intoxicating.

“Migue- mig- oh mmhh ah-“ you tried to tell him how good he felt but you were met with his hips picking up in pace “shh shh, let me take care of you, save that pretty voice for later chula. Just take it, take it f’me” Miguel hummed, his words having slight pauses as he fucked you dumb.

“Just need’a fuck a baby into you bunny, fill you up nice and warm with my cum just like you beg me to”

You let out a shaky moan as his hand wrapped around your throat “mírame mami, por favor déjame mirarte.” You could hate Miguel for how condescending he sounds knowing you can’t even hold yourself up.

“That’s it” he hums into your cheek as he plunged his cock inside your gushy walls. Miguel’s eyes rolled back at the sounds of your high pitched whines as you reached your 3rd orgasm “mi- I ca- can’t” you began to cry.

Tears began to stain your cheeks as the overstimulation began to cause you to claw at his arms “yes you can, you can for me” he purred as he wrapped an arm around around your collar bone, pinning you onto his back as he leaned back onto the counter and lifted you onto his chest.

Your head fell back onto his shoulder as he began to fuck you up right, hands behind your thighs as he fucked you like a toy “asi, asi chula a- ay asi” Miguel began to huff as you clenched around his cock.

You soaked his thighs as you gushed out cum and squirted all over him, his gruntled moan roaring into your jaw as he came right after you. His arms shook in the mist of his orgasm, causing you to hold yourself up by his biceps “tha- that’s it, ah fuck that’s it” Miguel panted.

Miguel expertly held you up as he pulled out and turned around to sit you on the counter so he could carry you properly. But before he could, he slumped forward into the crook of your neck. He inhaled your sweet scent that let him know you were ready for a baby, you were ovulating. “thank you chula” Miguel whispered while he pressed a kiss onto your shoulder.

“Did so good for me” he praised. Miguel was already thinking of what pjs he’d get out for you while you rested in the bath. He knew you loved his tee shirts but the baggy shirt hanging around your plump thighs would either lead him buried between your thighs or back stuffed inside you.

He cursed himself in his head, he needs to let his pretty girl rest. Your comfort was worth his racing thoughts because after all, he can’t fuck you every time you were in his tee’s.

[nimuetheseawitch]

I remember being 12 or 13 and doing one of those teen magazine quizzes with one of my friends about how well you know your friends. We had to fill it out for both what our answers were and what we thought each other's were. The only question I remember is "what's your least favorite body part?" Now, I'm not going to get into the absolutely overt attempts to make teen girls hate their bodies right now, but oof that's a big one. Luckily, my friend and I actually had incredibly good body image and thought the question was dumb. But the devastating thing I remember is that my friend thought my answer was obvious - my knees. Now, I had actually left that blank, but I agreed with her that I did hate my knees. The wild thing? I don't have any specific memories of knee pain at that age, but it was just a thing that all my friends knew - I had shitty knees and they hurt and I hated it. But I was only 12 or 13! I basically just ignored it and ran around and did things anyway (like play volleyball and basketball, sports so obviously well known for being easy on the knees /s). I'm glad I didn't let it stop me, but how bad was it then that everybody just knew? And I didn't seek any kind of treatment for 6ish years? I played sports and had coaches and trainers who knew about my knee (one was worse back then) and never told me to get it looked at. I only went to deal with it because the family doctor was very pro physical therapy, and I was dancing enough that the pain was flaring up a lot more. And I didn't find a physical therapist who actually cared about my ability to continue running and dancing until I was 23. Finally I had someone who believed that I shouldn't be in pain all the time and who did their best to make that happen. I miss that physical therapist. Anyway, long story short, my knees hurt and it sucks.

[sofwrites]

I’ve been rereading Welcome to the Digital Age, Babe, which is truly one of my favorites. I have a few head cannon/behind the scenes questions for you if that’s okay. I would love to know what you were thinking for these scenes?

1. When Colin and Eloise talk in the kitchen at the Christmas Party that Pen ran away from, what do they talk about?

2. Did anything else happen in Italy between them? Like I don’t think they did anything but kiss but I assume that Pen didn’t sneak out of a shared hotel room the next morning to catch her flight/run away.

3. When Colin says he called someone by the wrong name in bed, was that a reference to him calling someone else by Pen’s name?

4. At the end, when everyone realizes Pen is at Colin’s, is it because they’ve been watching them? Because I imagine it’s prb not super unusual for Pen to be at Colin’s at 5pm but it would be if she spent the night for example. And is this a situation where Felicity finds out first and then tells Hyacinth and so on?

Thank you! You are amazing!

Oh, hi! First off, thank you for all your lovely words! That fic kicked my butt so much while I was writing it, but I love knowing that it brings people joy (and that it's one of your favorites! My heart!)

I would absolutely love to hear your headcanons and answer any questions!!!!!!! It's actually a bit crazy how much thought has to go into every detail (ugh times and dates), so the fact that you want to know more is so sweet and heartwarming. It's also making me re-visit a fic that, though was very hard for me to write, is one I'm proud of! So, thank you, again. ♥️ My answers are below, but feel free to choose your own headcanons/let me know any others!

So, in my mind, Eloise is very 🧐 about the whole situation with Colin and Penelope and she can tell that he did something, even if Pen hasn't been very forthcoming. With the fact that she already knew there was something going on + Pen suddenly dipping out + Colin asking about where she is, Eloise is just going to corner him in the kitchen and ask if he did something stupid/if he did, he should try to fix it. I imagine Colin with half a cookie in his mouth going, "What? Did she say anything?" and kinda panicking because he definitely does not want her (or his other sisters tbh) to know what a dumb thing he said.

Oooooohhh... the after kiss™. Man. I imagine it happening a bit like the RMB kiss, where Colin's okay to go with the flow because he was enjoying himself, but Pen shuts it down really quickly. She laughs a bit awkwardly and suggests they get back, stuffing her hands into her coat pockets so there's not even a risk of brushing them against his. Then, when they get back she runs to the bathroom first to get ready, and then when he goes, she immediately pretends to fall asleep so that there's no risk of them talking. But the next morning, she gets up around 6ish and uses Colin's grogginess to her advantage (he spent a lot of the night tossing and turning). She manages to get ready without waking him up, but he stirs when she's putting on her shoes. He tries to get up to walk her out, but she claims that she's already running late and leaves before he gets the chance.

Oh God, I actually remember my beta reader asking me this and not knowing the answer. I think that if we're imagining this as a really sweet and idealized romance, then yes. If we're going for something more realistic, less likely because I imagine Colin stops sleeping around quite so much after he's started getting feelings. This one is more up to interpretation!

Okay, reading it back, I don't even know if I had a logical plan as for how Felicity figured it out... But yes, I think both Felicity and Hyacinth are nosey enough to figure it out and could have seen that Penelope was at Colin's the night before and was still there! But also, I could see Michael finally taking the plunge with Fran because of Colin's advice and mentioning later that night, which then led to Fran mentioning it to Eloise (or Hyacinth) which then made it's way back to Felicity who then saw Penelope's location and figured it out... And then, yes, that leads to the entire Bridgerton family finding out. Again, I definitely didn't think this one out very much (and would probably edit it a bit retrospectively), but those are my guesses 😃

Anyway, thank you again!!! I'm sorry for my extremely long answers and hope they are interesting/what you hoped for. I'm always happy to discuss these kinds of things and to learn that other people have different interpretations!

Have a beautiful, fantastic, wonderful day, and have a great holiday season!

[khaleesiofalicante]

so you’re telling me mine and max’s birthdays are one day apart ⁉️ i knew his energy reminded me of something (me apparently).

on another note, your explanation abt not showing more about how mallory died makes a lot of sense. would it be bad to say i wasn’t looking forward to reading that scene either 😭 i just want less mallory in my life, that’s all.

tiny life update, i am drowning in homework. i have this week and next week and then i have a week off for spring break thankfully. but i seriously wish i could go back in time to slap the slightly younger version of me who thought i can balance 6ish college classes, a job, and community service.

i’m glad to hear that you’re feeling a bit better! colds are just absolutely awful and energy draining :( don’t put a bunch of pressure on yourself to write if you aren’t feeling it. manifesting a less busy time for all of us :)

I apologize in advance for the mallory content this week but it's the last we'll see her of i promise.

are you a leo too? so am i! yay!

I am sorry about the homework overload. younger versions of us are always so idealistic and confident and cocky. dumb bitches smh. but adult-ier versions of us are supposed to be better at communicating, so if there are things you can let go of, don't feel bad about it. and if you need to carry them all, find people who can make the load a little lighter for you, whether it's someone who can share their notes from the class or help you during work. asking for help is an important adult skill we must all learn - i am still getting there too oof.

when i don't write i feel even sicker so that's not gonna fly lol I'm feeling much stronger than yesterday even though my chest feels like someone is digging up a mine in there or something. i organized today into a load of tiny tasks and if i finish everything by evening, tonight is writing time yay!

see you later this week <3

[drxamra-ejournal]

Monólogo

(enter stage left. Stop at bathroom mirror and:

I cannot keep waiting for a miracle

I'm always "almost there" but this time it feels

Different

Or rather it is I who is different...

I look so tired today

But I slept 12 fucking hours

Sporadically over the last 36 but still

.

.

.

I guess there is such thing as too much sleep

And the AVERAGE person does best with 8

But I know that 6ish is my sweet spot.

And I also know that tonight I'm not even getting 4

This is was Naptime is for folks!!!

Maybe in the next life or next career or

Next relationship. If there is a next I mean.

It's not that I'm ungrateful or don't love him

It is just that... We aren't even married but living alone and with roommates for 3 years has been rough. Not in big ways /usually/ but rather in the small baggy ways [like thinking busboys should learn to speak more Spanish] hahaha

It's the fact that he still acts like he can't understand when I slip a little Spanish in my communications.

Usually more nonverbal than verbal

Which as a human mammal, he should be well versed in by now. But noooooooo

Mother fucker (and I use that as a term if endearment you ass hats) but like I'm almost confident I am out of the running of becoming a centennial thanks to him! Fuck I mean all the women in my family love to be 90-somethings but loving him makes me feel like I'm fighting in a pointless war like all the men in my family did...then passed in their 60s or younger . . .

I'm not ready to die at 60.

I love and --have lost so much

And I'm not even 30 yet.

Fuckinghell man

This is a man's world AND it wouldn't be nothing without a woman or a girl.? Double negatives make my brain hurt. That is a dumb song.

Almost as dumb as some of Ron Pope's new stuff. But that's probably the point.

Splendored thing love

Lifts us up where we belong

In less than 525600 minutes

And sometimes less than one.

That's how he got me.

So the other 525599 are kinda worth it.

At least to me.

[aaagurls]

hi i was tagged in this & im doing it a day late instead of going to bed 

first of all thank u @brian-mcshook for thinking of me!! and enjoy these boring as heck answers 

nicknames: kal / kalimantan??? smh (my name is kalina.... idk if ive said that before lmao how secretive!!1!) 


star sign:
 pisces & proud 

height: 5′5 and hoping to grow more :-)) but im almost 19 :-)) so :-) 

last thing i googled: familial hypercholesterolaemia..... yeah 

fave music artist: right now i just listen to w/e but i used to be obsessed with vampire weekend & i looove some of the drag music thats out there


song stuck in my head: chicago - sufjan stevens 

last movie i watched: i actually have no clue bc my memory is trash 

last tv show i watched: santa clarita diet (and half an episode of as1 but we dont talk about that) 


when did you create your blog: i think like a year and a half ago maybe>??


what kind of stuff do i post: literally only drag like i will see a nondrag related meme or smth and go “ha ha funny” in my mind but i wont reblog it idk why!!!

do i have any other blogs: i have like 3 abandoned tumblrs that i dont know passwords to .. i get bored easily 

do i get asks regularly: regularly NO it honestly feels like i have like...2 followers but i love asks so :-( 


why did i choose my url: p self explanatory and im not very happy w/ it but i have about 2183 other urls saved that im too lazy to choose from 

gender: im a girl. i will post a selfie soonish 
bc 1. i crave attention 2. i wanna prove i am a Real human Person 

hogwarts house: idk slytherin is such an ~~edgy~~ answer but oh well 

pokemon team: i only played pokemon go for like a week so idk teams or what they mean i think i chose the blue one 


favoUrite coloUr (u nasty americans):
 hi my name is kalina & i am Indecisive so no 

average hours of sleep: if i have a 9am lecture (yuck!) then like 6-7hrs but if u just let me sleep i will never wake up i s2g 

favoUrite characters: anyone from parks n rec honestly. pls. i love that show more than anything ! and also im drawn to any kind of sarcastic and/or troubled character with witty humour

how many blankets do i sleep with: i have like... a duvet ... ? 
one? 

dream job: im in my first year of med school rn so i think......doctor...

following: 363

i usually tag these things with the mutuals i currently reblog the most from (xkit shows tumblr ““crushes”” i think they used to be called that??) so here ya go if u dont wanna do it just think of it as my declaration of my love for u. 

@untuckedqueens @biancadelqueen @alaskashorsemask @vichachk @sharonstone @flvzeda @frank-ieru @adoredelanos 

ur supposed to tag 20 people what kind of bs 

[kiaracarrera]

I've had a few requests to write fan fic and while I give full props to those that do write them I'm just not nearly as patient or as organised to write one. I do however have many messy ideas on Jiara's future that I've thought about that I think might be fun to share. Please ignore the messy way I've written this, it was just for fun, also it's under the read more because it's LONG.

So - I actually really liked the small hints of Jiara in S2 and my hope is that we don't rush into anything so ideally I'd like to see them get together at the very end of S3 and here's how I would do it:

Episode one and two would lay the foundation for the Pouges on the deserted island trying to survive and with things being super chaotic and hectic the Pouges would lose track of what day it is.

Now cue the second half of episode two and Kiara's sitting on the beach alone - JJ approaches and with the two of them staring out into the ocean they begin to talk about how Kie misses her folks and JJ reluctantly agrees that part of him stupidly does too. JJ puts a hand over Kiara's shoulder and she leans into his, JJ softly then says "Happy birthday Kie" - Kiara smiles but doesn't acknowledge it, because after all they have more pressing things going on, but it's a nice moment and we the audience see a hint of something between them. Then of course someone would yell "Kie-JJ, food's ready" or it'd cut to the next scene of everyone together and that would be that for now. But just imagine that, JJ of all people being the one to remember such an event, caring enough to acknowledge but knowing the last thing Kiara would want is a fuss.

Episodes 3 and 4 would be full of small but noticeable banter between the two of them, with the occasional sweeter than usual moment in between and somewhere around here the Pouges would make it off Pougelandia.

A couple of episodes on (maybe 6ish) and it would be Sarah who noticed, because duh the boys are dumb sometimes. She would notice after a small flirtatious moment between Jiara and acknowledge it with a side eye that no one else sees. Then while Kie and Sarah are alone Sarah would just casually drop the "So are we going to talk about what that was or..." line which Kiara would of course deny deny deny but then the camera would pan to JJ looking at Kie and again, we the audience would know.

Towards the very end of the season (8/9) would be Pope acknowledging the spark between JJ and Kie, probably after some eventful life or death situation and telling JJ subtly but not so subtly, while facing the direction of Kiara "You know I love you man and you should be happy, you both should..." which JJ would either shake his head to and tell Pope straight up he didn't know what he was talking about or we'd circle back to S1 with JJ saying "Na dude even if, which I'm not saying I do, but even if I did... I mean Kie, she would never.. we're friends man... we're family" Pope would, in his Popely wonder respond "Whatever you say man, but, just don't keep yourself from happiness on my accord."

Cue the acknowledgment of mutual pining which would lead us to the final episode where:

Kiara would get injured (because it's probably her turn) and JJ would be a complete WRECK and probably say some sappy shit that no one payed attention to because Kiara was in deep shit here! She'd end up making it out safely, though not before a short stint from at the hospital. A few scenes later and Kiara, now at home would get a visit from a worried JJ who'd bolted at the hospital because he couldn't handle the stress and then had turned up at her doorstep to "check in and apologise", after some small talk he turn to leave, only for Kiara to hesitantly stop him with a "Jay-before the hospital, it seemed like you were going to say something" and he'd close off a little and start rambling and then eventually confess that "losing you would be different...", Kiara would respond with "Why..." and JJ would just softly mutter "you know why"... and then BAMN 'Heat Waves by Glass Animals' would softly start playing in the background as Kiara shakes her head for a second before steadily but with purpose hoping down the stairs, the volume of the music slowly rising until 0.19 when the beat drops at the same time Kiara would wrap her arms around JJ's neck and we'd finally get the kiss! It'd be a soft but meaningful kiss as the camera pans 360 around them, capturing every angel until they part ways at 0.30 sharing a sweet smile and knowing laugh between them 'this was it, the feeling, the connection they'd both been missing for so long' then with one hand on her cheek JJ would pull Kiara back in for another soft kiss.... before the scene fades away to something else...

Oh and! The last scene would either be JJ and Kiara turning up to a Pouge gathering together but not acknowledging what had just happened which would lead us into a secret relationship for S4 OR JJ and Kiara would turn up to a Pouge gathering, JJ casually with his arm around Kiara's shoulder and with the other Pouges all looking at each other with acknowledgment but no one actually saying anything. Instead they'd just acknowledge Kiara being free from the hospital with a "There she is, woman of the moment" before Kie and JJ sat down and the S4 cliff-hanger happened!

[abdlstuck]

i'm excited to see some of the other characters not really seen in ABDLstuck getting fleshed out! are you planning on focusing on the main five, or do you want to do more with the other characters?

I feel kinda bad any time I ramble for more than one paragraph bc I feel like that's not what y'all came here for, so I'm gonna throw this bad boy under a cut.

I have some basic ideas/headcanons for how I interpret the eight human "kids" to interact both with each other and with the concept of ABDL, and I do have some ideas for the general direction I plan on taking things, but to a certain degree I'm willing to let the asks this blog receives dictate things too. I'm sure those who have been on this ride for a long time will already start to see some similarities and differences. Yeah I know it's kinda dumb to put this much thought and planning into a kink blog, but that's just how I am I guess, haha.

Tl;dr the Stril*ndes are here to stay and I'm excited for you to see what's in store for the others.

As for trolls, I'm still a bit ┐(´ー｀)┌ on what to do. You will probably see guest appearances from characters such as Kark*t and K*naya (I don't want this shit showing up for non kink people) that are intrinsically tied to the humans, but I have no plans to include them as "main" characters for a couple reasons, but the main one is that I honestly just don't have as much attachment/interest to most of the trolls (I ain't gonna lie I speed read hamsteak from the beginning to act 5 or 6ish in a matter of 2 days and most of act 4 is a blur to me) and from a cultural perspective troll childhood is, as I understand it, very different and for a blog primarily focused on the AB part of ABDL, it just doesn't make as much sense to me. I can't realistically see the trolls having as much attachment to it. Not trying to diss anyone who does abdlstuck involving the trolls, it's just. Not for me, yknow?

[iamkidfish]

bestie I need to know ur fav fic you've written... I can't decide which one is my fav so I'm having u decide for me (Idk if you've been asked this yet so I could sound real dumb LMFAO)

omg no it’s not dumb!! (I’ve never been asked about my writing process so this is exciting!)

this is hard just because i feel like I’ve written all of my fics for different reasons? like I’ve been in a bunch of different fandoms for a really long time and I grew up in a pretty small, conservative town in rural maryland (also catholic but that’s a whole other thing) so i got my hands on every piece of queer/wlw media I could. That being said, I never felt good enough to write about characters that weren’t my own, until I saw Atypical. Maybe it was because I watched both seasons in like a really long weekend? but the first fic I finished and posted was a casey x izzie fic that’s maybe 1500 words. So that really holds a special place in my heart even though it’s probably not the best and I was 18 when I wrote it. 

I’m kinda assuming you meant fic for the wilds but honey put your sweet lips on mine literally got me through the 2020 US elections and it was also my nanowrimo project. Teenage Bounty Hunters was probably the last show I watched before the wilds and it tore me open and put me back together again. This was also the first explicit/smut fic I wrote so I think that was a big step for me. Like I said before I grew up pretty religious, so writing about christian queer girls fumbling around in cars was really healing. Also writing about girls kissing is fun hehe :)

I’m also chronically bad at finishing fics-thanks adhd- and I literally have a google doc of all of my fic ideas (lol remember that harry potter au? rip) and also ideas in my notes app and the stuff i share with my friends on here and twitter. I wrote to see the sun, to paint the sky in 6ish days?? I remember when there were legit like 2 fics in the wilds tag and I think when I posted it, it was the 20th fic lol. But I’m really proud of myself for writing so many words in so little time

(if I my ass can ever finish caught in the riptide-I will, I promise-then that’ll be the longest thing i’ve ever written and finished. plus, someone gave me that prompt back in december, so I really want to complete that for them :’) )

I know I haven’t really been posting that much fic (I’m sorry!!), but don’t worry, I plan on sticking around and yelling about these girls for a long long time. When I tell you, I’ve consistently thought about shoni or leatin or the unsinkable eight every goddamn day since december 11th, it’s a problem. I don’t think I’ve ever been obsessed with a show like this since maybe 2015 with Carmilla (God, remember that little webseries), like The Wilds truly lives rent free in my brain.

Moving forward, I don’t want to make any promises about updates or deadlines but just know I am writing (just slowly uwu). However, i’m really excited about my next two leatin fics!! The first one is a one shot that starts in the bunker and continues into their lives post-experiment. The google doc I’m writing it in is called “leatin pain” and idk some of y’all might be mad at me when i post it lol. It’s also based off of an evermore taylor swift song (no I’m telling) so....prepare yourselves now. This is getting long so the only thing I’ll say about the other fic is that if I do write it, it’s gonna be easily the longest thing I’ve written (think at least 25k). Post-bunker au, slow burn, angst, leah and fatin miscommunicating at their finest and everyone else is tired of their shit. Oh, also they all live together in LA because I love found family and I said so.

thank you so much for this ask!! i definitely wrote way too much and now it’s 3am and i’m once again emotional about this show

[core-vortex]

Honestly before you send an ask about this read there tldr for context as I’m shocked and confused at what happened

Tldr/context; So I’m sick and can’t sleep so I’m watching YouTube and I get this 6ish minute long ad that is the change my mind guy in a college campus with a sign “rape culture is a myth change my mind” and then a woman who was raped who clearly doesn’t understand statistics saying people who have sexual assault allegations against them did it and he disproves her with statistics (I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt but there’s a chance she wasn’t) and she gets upset and have police from the crowd check it out and I’m in shock

The whole story read the tldr for a bit of context as I want to keep this short

I’m sick with a head cold or allergies or something not to bad but still hurts a bit I’m watching YouTube and relaxing I switch to videos not shorts and find a video that interests me I scroll a bit check the time and home page and pick a relaxing video that interests me and I wait for the ad to buffer in and it’s a close up of the “change my mind” meme guy’s face and then it zooms out to the college plaque that says “Christian college” and it’s his typical chair desk change my mind sign with the text “rape culture is a myth change my mind” and he’s just setting there and then this college kid probably first or second year there walks up to him and is yelling at him so he invites her to pull up the second chair so he can interview her (he has a holding microphone like you’d see on the news) and a camera sat up and she’s yelling at him for being on their campus and how he’s a bad person so when she sets down and tells him about these people (he doesn’t interrupt and just calmly explains while she flips out) and then he says no I don’t know them and plays dumb so she talks then he tells her these statistics about how it’s a very statistically unlikely chance her and a bunch/ most of people she knows got raped and that 1 in some big number of women have been raped and it’s like 1 in 54 hundred have had their butt touched without consenting and it’s like wipe cuts to more talking but basically he’s disproving everything she says while staying calm and she gets the campus police or regular police or something who say if your not part of this he’s not making you be here you can get up and go and he’s not on campus property so they can’t really do anything as he’s not technically breaking laws and Idk what to think about it because I’m just shocked that this funny meme guy is not being funny it’s like a whole chunk of a livestream or something so if someone could give me context that would be great but I’m like to tired and confused to do a bunch of research on what was truely happening

Image of the guy so you know who I’m talking about;

[michelledoesketo]

July 26th, 2020

I worked early today, so I grabbed a protein bar and an ounce of cheese for breakfast. When my "lunch" came around (9:00am... thank you retail), one of my coworkers had asked me if I wanted to go to Dunkin with her. I said yes, but I super was NOT planning on going out. I kinda had my macros lined up already, but I didn't want to be rude (lol), so I went with her.

I got a medium iced coffee with cream, splenda, and four hazelnut shots (not swirls!!). [And to defend my excessive use of their sugar free flavor shots, I DETEST how splenda tastes in coffee. So I have to drown it out somehow! Haha] That equals 6ish carbs. I also experimented and asked them for just two sides of eggs and cheese. (Poor kid was confused, so a team lead had to walk him through how to order it 😬 sorry I'm weird, new kid! [But I learned their lingo...it's an egg and cheese croissant, no croissant.] ) But what they did was just stacked the two egg disks on top of each other, cheese sides facing in. They served it in a little wrapper that I'm assuming is normally for their hashbrowns. I calculated 4g total, because typically a slice of american cheese is 2g each. So my dumb breakfast that I didn't even want to eat was 10g of carbs! THEN on top of my protein bar and cheese, before freakin' 11:00am, I had eaten 16g of carbs. There went the meal plans I had for the day 😅 😫

My mom's birthday was today, so my family gathered to my brother's house for a small celebration. Now, (and please forgive me, I don't mean to make this a political thing), my family doesn't believe covid is a real thing. So they don't have any issue with hanging out on the regular. I, however, do. So I'm ALWAYS wearing my mask. I didn't even want to go over to his house, but I still went, since it was her birthday. Point of me rambling: because it was my mom's birthday, my brother had ordered pizzas. And I was STARVING. I contemplated taking just the cheese off and eating that, but I decided against it. I've been trying SO HARD to stick to my macros, as well as doing my exercises....I didn't want to tempt myself and throw away my hard work! (Especially since I've only been actively on keto since the 13th. I'm on a roll, and won't stop right now!)

So I politely declined, stomach rumblin' the whole time. We eventually finish up, so I go home. So then I had the dilemma of "what am I going to make for dinner?"

I made eggs. I even got fancy with it, and melted a piece of cheese on top

Just two carbs, so I was able to stay under my 20g for the day!

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I rode my bike for an hour tonight after dinner. I was riding SO hard in the beginning, then I got pooped, lol. So my heartbeat spiked at 180-something, and you can see how it eventually decreased as I slowed down.

I am also SO CONFUSED because when I took my traditional watch and bike photo, my bike said I burned more calories than my watch said I did. That's NEVER the case, lol. My watch said I burned 521, and my bike said 600 calories.

Weird! I have no idea why it would flip like that. Again, I always account for the lowest anyway, so it all washes in the end.

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Haha and omg! (I promise this is the last thing I'll talk about!) When I was getting out of the shower post-workout, one of my towels was falling off of the toilet, so I quickly reached down to snatch it up before it hit the floor.

If you're a Twilight fan, please imagine the Breaking Dawn scene where Bella snaps her fucking spine trying to grab a falling cup.

Because THAT'S what happened to me, except instead of breaking my spine, I somehow pulled/strained/bruised my left leg muscles directly underneath my butt. I failed anatomy, so I'm not sure what muscle that it. But it hurt IMMEDIATELY and is super tender right now. I hope it kind of mellows out over night. I have to work an overnight shift tomorrow, and it's a shift that's heavily relying on moving around and lifting heavy things. 🥺

I cannot believe that I didn't hurt myself exercising, rather, I hurt myself grabbing a towel post-shower. Such is my life. 🥴

Sorry for the long post today!

[blackcoffeeandblankpagess]

A lil recap

Okay first off strategically this race was a mess I did not follow my plan AT ALL 🤦🏼‍♀️ but I actually feel like a learned a lot of valuable things to take with me for my marathon race day and I got in the miles which was goal #1 so I’m fine with it

-I ran from home to the start which is 3ish miles so I knew I’d have a 16 mile day, when I signed up for this race last week I thought I had a 14 miler this weekend so I was like okay cool with my run from home that should be good but then I realized I actually only had a 10 miler so uh whoops but also my training plan is arbitrary and based loosely off of a runner’s world rec so 🤷🏼‍♀️ w/e the main goal was just to not hurt myself

-so I ran to the start which honestly felt good and I think overall this was a less mentally taxing way to run 16 miles as opposed to just making up my own route so I’m glad I did it for that

-my plan... “plan” ....was to run the 3 miles there at 9-10 pace as a suuuper warm up, first 5 at 8:30-9:00, 6-10 at 8-8:30, and last 5k at 7:00-8:00...yeah clearly that went out the window

-the warm up being fast didn’t worry me TOO much because it was largely downhill and my legs were fresh so I was like okok

-but an important lesson I learned is that if you want to start off slow it is, in fact, not the best idea to position yourself towards the front of the A corral 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

-I kept telling myself “check your ego” and “run your own race” especially because I wasn’t even running this to race I was running it to train but...it’s hard not to get swept up when everyone is moving quickly! This is my fatal flaw when it comes to racing though and what destroyed me in my marathon in 2017 so this spring I plan to position myself with people running slower to start. This is why when I run long runs alone I can finish strong but in a race I burn out

-I stopped to use the porta potties twice (those are the 9+ min miles), the first time was an emergency but the second time I was just exhausted, I had to go but I also know I could have made it to the finish before going but also I was like I am wrecked!!!

-honestly though I didn’t feel wrecked aerobically rather my back started KILLING me at mile 6ish like hurting SO badly which has happened to me on a few runs over the past few months but rarely and usually at the very end so it doesn’t matter but DAMN

-also I raced in new shoes which like...I knew was dumb but I was excited and my old ones were so beat up but like 8 miles into the race (?) my feet also started killing me and I was like ahhhhhhggggghghhghggh

-so in a way it’s good that what tripped me up was pain not fitness but also...pain isn’t good!

-okay also fueling...oof. I woke up at 5:50 and ate a bagel with pb and a little bit of banana, I never eat before I run if it’s in the morning but I feel like when I run my marathon it would be smart to and this seemed like a good opportunity to practice (lol don’t try anything new on race day am I right! 🤦🏼‍♀️) I was only planning to have half but this morning I felt hungry so I was like #yolo which was prob dumb because on my run to the start my stomach started killing me just like...stabbing pain so that was less than pleasant

-I was using honey stinger gummies every few miles but after awhile I legitimately just forgot about them and then I dropped one and then I was nauseous so yeah that all went out the window and when I finished my stomach felt wrecked and it still does but I got a sufferfest beer to try because they sponsor a bunch of ultra runners I follow and ...they were free but I only had a few sips before being like OOF no thank you (the beer was good my stomach was not). We went to brunch and I got pancakes and orange juice and I don’t think I’ve had orange juice since I was a child but for whatever reason it sounded amazing and it was fresh squeezes and hit the spot. The pancakes were fluffy af and the restauarant was cute and decorated for the holidays but tbh even now just thinking about food makes me feel like I’m gonna vom my stomach does nooot feel good. On a related note, the concept of brunch or good food after a race is nice in theory but I just feel like based on how my body reacts to long distances I’m better off enjoying good eats later that night or like..any other time

-okay back to running, tbh I literally walked a little around mile 11 because I was just in so much pain and I was like I could keep running and hurting for the next two miles or I could walk for a minute and gather myself and feel better for the last bit (spoiler: I didn’t feel much better). Honestly I did noooot finish strong, I did the opposite of finish strong, the last .2 felt like 100 miles but at the very very very last bit I gave a little kick but oof

-but like I said, very fine with it because main goal was to do a long run which I did

Other things!

-passed by elliot (my running bud) between miles 10 and 11 (that part of the course was an out and back) he didn’t see me but somehow I heard his voice and noticed him wtf?? I’m always amazed by my weird talent to find people I know in races in unexplainable ways like when I ran nyc I found a fellow unc marathon team person at like mile 23 in a field of 50,000 and I recognized her from behind and we weren’t even good friends...like...what!

-I felt really strong on the hilly sections and passed a good bit of people and feel like I’ve got good mountain legs for when that becomes relevant some day

-Jared ran his first 5k (race)! I’m proud of him. Yesterday at the expo he bought winter running tights and I was like ooooo I’m turning you into a runner boy 😈

There’s probably like 400 more things to say but I’m tired so if you read all of this you’re a rockstar !

[samantha-reimagined]

Tomorrow my work launches a whole new system, so I'll be working a half day tomorrow and Sunday to make sure it is set up correctly. Positives (?) I already normally work Saturday, so it's not all bad. Negatives, I get to be the first tester and find all the issues. I already know of two, but they have no change in place, so that's dumb.

Tomorrow, is the start of a new month. Huzzah? We've been in quarantine since the middle of March, and now Maryland is back on the rise. School starts in about two weeks and I begin my transition from full time to part time at my job.

I'm thinking of downloading the premium stuff on Fitbit. It's free for 90 days, and we'll still be locked in quarantine by then, so it'll be worth it. I think I might keep it for 6ish months and then probably stop the service. Hopefully by then, gyms will be fully functional, and at least at a higher capacity.

We have 1 month until we move into our new place. I need to get everything set up... Well, just electricity. It'll be my SO's job for internet. I think Verizon is what they have up in Pitt, so we'll probably stick with that. Since I'm doing half day tomorrow, we'll work on some packing and getting things put away. I bought boxes without handles 🙃 so we'll definitely need more for the heavier things.

[magg0tkid]

I'm in a really comfortable pleasant love rn and the only thing I ever worry about is how he's not a real person enough for it to be long lasting and I'm worried for how he'll take it when it seemingly inevitably will have to end, but also I think he has always known it will so that's ok

It's just dumb bc everything else about it is so easy and natural, like not easy in a lackluster half-hearted way, but easy in a I just slide right into him like a puzzle piece way

Anyway I'm on this weird thought warpath of hating men and more and more frequently I find myself unable to conceive any sort of intense, head over heels love as being possible for me, I used to daydream of it literally always constantly but also everything else I daydreamed of I realized is not only not probable but actually quite unhealthy, so I really wonder, is intense love maybe always unhealthy? Is soft gentle love the way? Like I feel so content with this, but I'm wondering if it's just like this bc it's not the right person, the end person? And by this I mean I've never had any soaring feelings towards him, it's never felt particularly romantic, I've never had grand or terrible emotions surrounding him, it just kind of is and it's so pleasant and nice. But people always think nice things are not good enough bc ppl think things have to be big and great in order to be real and I don't know if there's something wrong with me. I just feel like a literal baby when it comes to romantic love these days. All the things I thought I was learning in my collective 6ish years of relationships is wrong. It's literally all wrong. And now I don't even know where to start. I don't know what's right. I know I'm very young to say it but beyond this lovely and loving boy who is unfortunately for both of us in a very different spectrum of life from me, I have like literally no faith at all that love, or a forever relationship is possible. And I want to find the forever one, because I don't feel like searching anymore. I used to relish the thrill of the chase, as it were, I used to want to try out dating everyone I ever met like trying out clothes, but I've such a revulsion to it these days. I kinda want to find it just to get it over with. I hate the disappointment of getting to know people.(men). I hate how fucking long it takes to figure out what their bad qualities are, I hate how good they are at hiding them, I don't trust any of them, except this boy who's faults are so blessedly and glaringly obvious. How lovely it is that they are so obvious, that I already know them. But I want to reach a decision. I want to either be with or without. I hate waffling in between and in the unknown. And I mean yes I know that's just fucking life, but I've no trust in men anymore. I don't think any of them could ever match my passion and love and interests. I know it's very possible I just haven't found the right one but. idk. I'm rambling now but they all just seem less. I'm sorry but they do. I feel like it will never be anything but settling and that fucking sucks. I used to ardently desire romance but I don't even feel the capability of romance. Like I just feel so unchangeably different in that department. Something is vastly and irreparably different in my views of men and romance. I'm so tired of men and of relationships, I don't want something big that makes my heart soar and flutter, I don't even think it's possible for me anymore. I just want the man version of cottage core lol. I want something quiet and steady. I used to love the drama of romantic love, I loved how love had to be a choice sometimes bc I loved the pain and the sorrow, I loved the intensity of making up and I loved the heartache, and I am just so repulsed by the idea of that these days. What is it exactly? What changed? I want to know someone will always be there but I just want them to be there. I don't want to be a two in one, I don't want to share a life with someone, I just want someone comfortably in the background, like a garden I tend to or whatever like it still grows when I'm not around but it does need me to water it and I do love to take care of it. Idk. Are you supposed to want something big? I feel bad and wrong in not wanting anything beautiful, simply something simple. Sorry if anyone's actually read all this. I'm just trying to figure shit out.

I just. Is it love if there are not the big feelings? The giant crescendo? The floating on wings, the butterflies in your stomach, the hearts in your eyes? Is it still a good enough love if you're just happy, if you feel supported and heard and understood and respected? Because I don't feel like I'm missing anything, but I feel like I should feel like I'm missing something, and god knows I can't trust a single fucking thing I feel for a few years probably, recovery takes a hot sec. But still!!! I WANNA KNOW NOW!!!!!!

[frasier-crane-style]

Dracula 2020

Ehhh. It kinda reminded me of Rob Zombie’s Halloween. It spends a lot of time doing its own thing, then at the eleventh hour it turns into a rushed, beat-for-beat remake, so you’re kinda like... that’s the pay-off for all that? It’s just another Dracula adaptation? 

Yeah. It’s just another Dracula adaptation.

-Especially because all the ‘modern-day remake of Dracula’ stuff came off as real cringey to me. Like, I guess they were going for some big contrast between 1895 and 2020, but it didn’t work for me. The book version of Lucy Westenra is a good girl, the pop culture osmosis version of her is a slut, and the 2020 version is a slut who has one line about slut-shaming, but then she also cheats on her fiance, gets engaged for shallow frivolous reasons, and is generally a terrible person who smiles at the prospect of undead children??? And we’re still meant to be invested in Nice Guy Seward’s love for her? With some kind of “beauty is only skin deep” moral? But she isn’t beautiful on the inside. She’s an asshole. 

-And the 1895 segments are so modernized to begin with that it’s hard to buy the contrast. The female characters all joke about being bisexual (Moffat really is the Joe Eszterhas of sci-fi, isn’t he?), there’s enormous racial diversity, Dracula even runs into a man who’s carrying on an interracial gay love affair... you get to 2020, where Lucy is black and Arthur Holmwood (I guess) is her campy gay BFF, and it’s like--we just did that. There’s no contrast. Shouldn’t a Dracula story have something to say about repression and sexuality other than DRACULA IS BI Y’ALL!

-I’m just saying, if you’re going to do a big modernization of Dracula, why not go all the way and just have Lucy be dating all of her suitors? Instead of doing pretty much the same story as ever, but with emojis and shit?

-I’m torn between giving a pass to Moffat’s storytelling quirks under the premise of auteurism and thinking that at this point, it’s verging on Tim Burton level obnoxiousness. Mind palaces. Secret government agencies dedicated to the protagonist/antagonist. Characters disguising themselves as other people and then revealing their true identity. A lot of the time, there isn’t even much point to these plot points, so you feel like they’re just being thrown in because... that’s his bag of tricks. 

-Also, just dumb things like characters wandering off alone when they know there’s a killer vampire on the loose, or arming themselves with pistols when they know they’re ineffective and that crosses work, but they don’t carry crosses. Dracula getting arrested and then they just let him go because a slimy lawyer shows up, then he goes around killing people and they don’t bother to try catching him in the act or anything. 

-Also also, the whole Van Helsing genderswap seemed a bit pointless. Once a Danish vampire expert shows up, it’s pretty obvious that’s Van Helsing no matter the gender. And isn’t it more, I don’t know, the way things are done to have a male Van Helsing in 1895 and a female Van Helsing descendant in 2020, instead of making her an identical descendant (again, no contrast)? And if you’re going to make a big/small deal of Dracula being bisexual, why make a female Van Helsing for him to have foeyay with anyway? It comes off a bit like Moffat just usually wanted to do his usual chatty, quippy villain thing with an obsessive hero type, but he realized that would be the same thing as Sherlock/Moriarty and the Doctor/the Master, so instead of writing them differently, he just made the good guy a girl and the bad guy a guy so it seems a bit fresher.

-I might be a horrible human being, but it is a bit funny to have Dracula supposed to be a vampire love god and Lucy supposed to be a babe that everyone’s in love with, but it’s British TV, so they’re both a solid 6ish?