#this is the best way I can describe my anxiety rn tho idk

[elisedonut]

Hello hi hi it's the Percy/Sirius anon backk

I had to take a break from tumblr lol but I'm back now :)

Lately I haven't been writing much, feeling a little unmotivated for the ship rn ; - ; (totally have not been busy writing a James Potter/Percy Weasley fic with multiple POV's including Harry who is Not Happy with this asdfghj)

but anyway to your thing about omegaverse and control, for the purposes of the story it's not flat out sex pollen approach but yeah, pretty uncontrollable lol, which is fun to write sometimes :p

The most dubcon I think (I think) is the wedding night. So my approach is; Sirius has issues with control, with feeling like he has it, anxiety over losing it ect, but sex has always been the thing to make him feel calm, in his lane yk? So he kinda slips into his "role" during their wedding night while Percy is just there like "hello this is weird and I didn't know half this stuff existed why does this feel nice and why is everything so embarrassing literally kill me"

I'm trying to go for a Percy is very overwhelmed thing. Also! Idk if I've mentioned that they are in an arranged marriage because their ancestors had an agreement (before the Weasley's became known as blood traitors) that one Weasley omega was owed to a Black alpha (yeah, omegas really were treated like property back then haha) now originally I thought okay, percy would have to enter the agreement as soon as he's of age but I just. Ick. I just couldn't do it. It felt gross. I know it's not much better but Percy will be almost 19 at the time of his marriage instead because idk, consenting adult. Might bump it up to 20 tho. Thoughts?

On scents, I love the idea of scenting, as like a platonic or sexual thing. I just find it very intimate, very fun :) but I have no idea how to describe scents T^T like what does it smell like?? Can you describe someones scent as the scent of something else?? Maybe I'm overthinking lol

Also I only caught the typo on the snippet I sent as I sent it T^T "dragged a hard through his hair" lmaooo

Wb!!

also that is so valid I've been working on like seven things at once lately so i get you also neat rip Harry he really would hate that askdfjfads that's so fun

also hell yeah that sounds very fun for it a bit of a mid level of control nice nice

also Yeah Omega's being promised even before their birth is always an easy and fun set up

oh noo sdkjfklsd poor guys are just both suffering

overwhelmed Percy is always a vibe and rip Sirius his brain was like "this will relax you" but it was a lie he's now even more stressed

also yeah thats fair my thoughts are basic but i think you should do whatever makes you comfortable if you think you need to age him up you should age him up if you feel fine where he is you should leave him where he is

im so so not the best person to ask on that because ages in fiction just don't tend to ick me much and never have

like unless its really really outrageous i'm just like hmm alright this does not bother me in the slightest

like to me "of age" just is adult?

unless you mean like "of age" in a in-universe way where its the presentation age(in a lot of fics being like puberty age so early teens) in which case i can see what you mean about an expectation from those around them to jump into the relationship but also how you would be icked by it so yeah fair decision

but like i don't really think thats what you meant dkfjsdlf

IDK i'll be honest i just assumed it would be expected to happen as soon as Percy graduated so he'd be like 17 (since he only turns 17 a week or two before starting his 7th year)

But again you should do what makes you comfortable you can always hand wave anything with just "it being how things are done" or "Sirius was throwing a fit and was able to get it pushed back this much but he can't run forever"

for the whole scent thing

this might sound weird but i would just find a perfume/cologne you think works for the character and just steal the scent notes

like obv you can't say like

"She smelled so sweet, like Bath and Body Work Buttercups & Berry Bellini"

but you can just ignore the name and use the notes to just take and change as you see fit that makes it like sound pretty

like for that scent the notes are strawberry purée, buttercup flowers and bubbly prosecco

"She smelled so sweet, like a strawberry wine and freshly picked buttercups."

is that the same?

no but i think it works better then trying to make Prosecco fit if that makes sense

though you could always replace prosecco with like honeysuckle since according to google prosecco smells like honeysuckle

a more masc example is Like Freshwater - Italian bergamot, mountain spring water and oak moss

which again you can take and pick as you please but it gives an easy starting point maybe? and gives you a scent in your head if you have it with you

"He always smelled like the air after rainfall. With hints of bergamot from his tea and the oak of his wand it always made him feel like home."

or uh something like that idk

tbh most people only smell like person but in something like omegaverse you can be more creative with that like they don't have to just smell musky

I don't know how well this works in practice because i haven't really explained scents much in fic but it popped in my head when i read this so i think it could work as a method with some tweaking

[penwrythe]

Oh boy, what is happening

As overwhelming as the current times are, I'll still do my best to stay aware - can't help it since I'm Black and LGBTQ+ so I have to be very aware of the current times since they will affect me - but it is alarming how things are escalating.

I am concerned about the future of my country, about the many issues and horrors of the world (of least I can keep track of), but yeah, it's a lot to take in.

Words cannot describe my anxiety and anger at everything. But I'm also keeping these emotions in check daily despite my ever growing awareness of things being not so good rn.

There are ways to manage your exposure of these events without blocking them out: limit reading/watching news, researching topics on your own, etc. But you can't always keep track of everything everywhere all at once. Do what you can to be aware, even if you are taking a break or distancing yourself from social media. Blocking things out completely is never a good thing because it only leads to avoidance of important issues and silent complicity into willful ignorance.

There is one thing I been thinking about, it is about no matter how far you distance yourself from everything, eventually

eventually

eventually

these events will crop up ever closer and you will have to be prepared to confront them one day. The reality of the politics of my country, and its lasting affects on the world throughout history, are unavoidable. This is a fact any others like myself in this country and beyond, will always have to grapple with. Vote, join movements, protests - whatever other action idk you get the idea - are forms of confrontations we take. So is researching, questioning, and continuously rejecting the allure of ignorance.

We are in this in the long haul. We got to keep ourselves together. You can sit for awhile to rest at anytime, but you got to keep going.

Anyway tho, I'm staying up too long as it is, here's to hoping there's a better world for us all.

[abstractshit101]

im so annoyed rn. first im fucking anxious. i feel breathlessness cause idk I'm just having too much anxiety about the exam. second I haven't talked to soumya all day and he just acts like shit. he barely picks my calls, n when he picks it, he just cuts it while I'm saying something, he doesn't text, and you know what, its actually okay. i getit cause when I'm out, even I don't wanna talk on phone or be on my phone cause sometimes I just want to be far from my phone but what makes me angry is that if I do the things he does, if I behave like him, he gets really angry always and then that gets on my nerves. he can do whatever he likes when he's out but I have to behave in a certain way, its fucking unfair. i just wanna shout so loud, i wanna shout like i did at Hampstead heath in the woods, my voice echoing. i wanna take my fucking frustration out, i wanna let go of this anxiety that i keep building up, this anxiety which eats my brain up. maybe I'm using a fancy word 'anxiety' but idk how to describe how i feel. i need him rn. i just hope we don't fight today, I'm really angry tho but i will try my best to hide it. if today he says that he will never say anything to me when i go out, then its great, but rn its just hypocritical. I hate it i am feelingless wow. I think he hates me. I think i always complain thats why he likes his friends more than me, i think thats why he enjoys more with them, speaks and talks more with them, laughs more with them. With me he is tired cause of me he is exhausted because of me. Am i so bad.

[puncertainty]

I need someone to surgically remove all of my organs from my body operation board game style does this make sense to anyone or does it just sound alarming

[selfcarecap]

73 Questions

Thanks for the tag @kenniteaa and @silkholland 🫶💖

Hello Vogue !

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? 6-7 I feel like stuff is actually going well for me for once and like I’m actively trying to make my life better

describe yourself in a hashtag? #crybaby

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? Andrew Garfield maybe

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? Idk what a marquee is the only musical I know is hsm

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? that i write fanfic

what’s your wake up ritual? Sleep as long as possible, go take my morning **** (no one’s reading this anyway), brush my teeth, put on clothes and go to uni

what’s your go to bed ritual? Take a melatonin gummybear, brush my teeth (actually usually i brush my teeth and then remember the melatonin), complete any fanfic ideas that i put into my notes app and couldn’t completely write down when i got the idea, then i 👀, and sleep

what’s your favorite time of day? Depends on what I’m doing the next day but I’d say evening/night

your go to for having a good laugh? TikTok

dream country to visit? Japan would be cool but also maybe some Scandinavian country or Iceland or something warm with a beach <3

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? I can’t think of anything rn lmao

heels or flats/sneakers? Sneakers but platform ones/platform boots

vintage or new? New

who do you want to write your obituary? Idc lmao but ig just not someone who hates me

style icon? Some girls off tiktok tbh

what are three things you cannot live without? Music, writing, my friends/family (I consider true friends family so that counts as one)

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? Ig salt or onion

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? First of all I don’t. But Chris Evans, Jon Bernthal and Andrew Garfield cause I think a night with them would be fun👀

what’s your biggest fear in life? Never getting over/learning how to deal w my anxiety

window or aisle seat? Window for short flight, aisle for a long one

what’s your current tv obsession? Love death and robots and himym

favorite app? Tumblr or my notes app

secret talent? I’ve never had an answer to this idk. I guess most people in my life don’t know that I write so maybe that? Idk if I’d say I’m super talented at it tho, oh or maybe a german accent (when speaking english) but it would be weird if i couldn’t do one bc it’s my first language lol but i don’t naturally have a german accent but i can intentionally do one very very well

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? I’m sure I’ve done some adventurous things but I can’t think of anything rn shsjk actually maybe having an org*sm in semi(okay, quarter lol)-public situations (okay not really public but like outside)

how would you define yourself in three words? Kind, sensitive, cute

favorite piece of clothing you own? Black buffalo platform boots but they broke after three years 🥲

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? Good quality black oversized hoodie

a superpower you would want? Flying

what’s inspiring you in life right now? The fact that it kind of feels like I’m on my way to actually being happy possibly for a bit

best piece of advice you’ve received? It’s nothing specific but like.. nothing matters? But not in a nihilistic way (i wouldn’t mind that tho) more in a don’t overthink life way idk i kind of forced this answer out of me dhsjsj

best advice you’d give your teenage self? It’ll be okay & enjoy the journey

a book everyone should read? Women don’t owe you pretty by Florence Given

what would you like to be remembered for? My kindness

how do you define beauty? I don’t think I have a definition, it’s just a feeling. and if we’re talking about beauty in people then it’s also all just dependent on how they make you feel

what do you love most about your body? My brain and my heart lool but also my eyes, my legs, my boobs, my 🐱 dhsjjs

best way to take a rest/decompress? Go out into nature and breathe some fresh air (unless it’s hot cause then I’ll want to die)

favorite place to view art? A museum probably..

if your life was a song, what would the title be? Whatever the song is where Beyonce says my aspiration in life would be to be happy (ik they want me to make a title up myself but idk)

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? Piano

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? All over my arms and maybe a big back piece

dolphins or koalas? Umm dolphins ig?

what’s your spirit animal? I really don’t know

best gift you’ve ever received? A photo album my cousin made for me

best gift you’ve given? A picture I painted of me and my cousin but i actually think i’m a good gift giver like there are loads of things

what’s your favorite board game? I don’t think I can play it anymore but when I was like 10 I really got into chess?

what’s your favorite color? Pink

least favorite color? Somehow I don’t really like red (but it’s def not my least fav colour but that’s the only thing i can think about.. actually noo red is pretty but idk)

diamond or pearls? Diamonds

drugstore makeup or designer? Fenty for lipgloss but other than that mainly drugstore

blow-dry or air-dry? Air-dry

pilates or yoga? Yoga but I was never quite sure what pilates is

coffee or tea? Tea

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? Betrothed

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? Milk

stairs or elevators? Stairs even though they kill me every time 😭 (but that’s exactly why i choose them)

summer or winter? Winter forever ❄️

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? Pasta orrr Schnitzel (I don’t think there is any food that I would want on its own tho)

a dessert you don’t like? I don’t like fruit cake

a skill you’re working on mastering? (Fiction) Writing and like literary analysis lmaoo

best thing to happen to you today? I feel asleep quickly (that was after midnight so I’m counting it as today)

worst thing to happen to you today? I accidentally slept til 1 pm :/

best compliment you’ve ever received? ‘I love your weirdness. It’s so extraordinary and that’s what I love about it.’ and also loads of stuff about my writing, mainly when people have said i’m their fav writer or my fic is their fav fic

favorite smell? Chlorine and also my skin? Sgsjaka

hugs or kisses? Hugssss

if you made a documentary, would it be about? Feminism and the effect of gender in german language (i think i’m thinking more of a bachelor thesis than a documentary but anyway)

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? I mean probably just random sad/super happy and kind stuff on Instagram or something but either an episode of love death and robots or himym

lipstick or lipgloss? Glosss

sweet or savory? Sweet

girl crush?  Like.. all women ever?

how do you know you’re in love? You just do ykwim likee if you have to ask yourself if you are then you’re not and if you are in love you just know

a song you can listen to on repeat? Ladbroke Grove lol or Stay (Michael Schulte— or Mac Miller lol), most (not too recent) Nicki songs

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? Future me (unless that ends up affecting the timeline lol but yeah future me at a time where everything is okay <3)

what are you most excited for about this time in your life? Looking forward to going to the beach sometime in August hopefully

No pressure tags: @t-lostinworlds @aniqua @asonofpeter why is my brain absolutely empty lmaooo anyone who wants to do this just say i tagged you and i will tag you (and pls make your own post thank you mwah)

[e-uph0r1a]

Get to know me tag 🌸

Thanks for the tag @cosyserendipity and @blueside-hobi <33

When is your birthday? February 26

What is your favourite colour? Purple and blue

What’s your lucky number? i don’t have a lucky number but i really like 7, 17 and 27

Do you have any pets? 4 cats and 2 dogs

How tall are you? 5'1

How many pairs of shoes do you have? three lol im broke af

What’s your favourite song? i listen to a lot of music to have a fav song

Favourite movie? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Call Me By Your Name without Armie Hammer

What would be your ideal partner? it's never good to idealize anything

Do you want children? no but i think about it a lot. everytime the answer is no but there are times when i think about my relationship with my mom and how close we are and i get emotional like i’d like the same thing, but then i take it back because is way too selfish of me. i’d rather adopt a cat

Have you gotten in trouble with the law? last year when the quarantine started here in Buenos Aires i went to buy cigarettes with my brother and a friend in her car and the police stopped us because we had to be at home lol also i didn’t had my ID with me and i was lucky that the officer didn’t ask for it

What colour socks are you wearing? purple and pink

Bath or shower? shower

Favourite type of music? rock music but i listen to a lot of things

How many pillows do you sleep with? one, and sometimes two if i cuddle the pillow lmao

What position do you sleep in? on my sides but almost always i wake up on my belly lol

What don’t you like when you’re sleeping? darkness, i’m 28 years old and i’m afraid of the dark :)

What do you have for breakfast? coffee with milk and sometimes with a few toasts with marmalade, but i’m usually not hungry when i wake up and if i eat too much it makes me feel nauseous

Have you ever tried archery? no, i have a sucky aim

Favourite fruit? watermelon and melon

Favourite swear word? in english ‘fuck’, in spanish ‘forro’

Do you have any scars? one, near the side of my knee kinda, when i was little i was playing alone in my room and i nailed the head of a clove that was sticking out of a drawer. i think i have some others but im too lazy rn lol

Are you a good liar? maybe

What’s your personality type? i don’t remember but something of ambivert i think

What’s your favourite type of girl? i like them taller than me because that’s how i like dudes too, and that’s not a hard task because im smol af. but i love all girls as i should

Left or right handed? right handed

Favourite food? pastas and stews

Are you clean or messy? clean, i hate messy places. everytime i go to one of my friends house i end up cleaning because she can be very messy and it drives me crazy lmao monica geller who?

Favourite foreign food? Goulash

How long does it take for you to get ready? an hour, because i get distracted easily

Most used phrase? tbh idk (no, this is not the answer, i really don’t know lmao)

Are you a good singer? no but people like it and i don’t know why, still i love to sing a lot

Do you sing to yourself? im always singing and whistling

Biggest fear? not being able to accomplish the things i long for

Do you like long or short hair? Medium? short hair, i lack of patience to let it grow and i find long hair boring 

Are you into gossip? yeeeeeeeesssssss, give me that hot tea sis

Extrovert or introvert? ambivert but more in the introvert side, i know sometimes i might seem like a big extrovert but fuck no haha

Favourite school Subject? Spanish and English, i’ve said this a thousand times but im a sucker for linguistics and literature

What makes you nervous? i have anxiety bro, i’m aways nervous lol

Who was your first real crush? a guy called Franco, it was my best friend in middle school but of course he never liked me back lmao (story of my life). then i’ve discovered my bisexuality by having a crush on his twin sister lol

How many piercings do you have? i have five in my ears, two in one and three in the other. i used to have piercings on my lips and my nose tho

How fast can you run? define fast

What makes you angry? how much time do you have?

Do you like your own name? yeah it’s okay, i can’t see myself with other name lol tho i always liked the name ‘Alex’ because it feels genderless to me

What are your weaknesses? anxiety, my lack of patience, my adhd, depression, sarcasm...should i go on?

What are your strengths? my ass. im kidding, idk

What is the colour of your bedspread? i have two rn because it’s cold af and since im too lazy to describe both of them i’ll say dark green is the one on the top

Colour of your room? a very light blue 

[eijispumpkin]

good lord this is long i apologize, but hi hello, lovely human with a heart of gold, sweet creature who's full of love, i cannot thank u enough for being u! for sharing your amazing works and bringing comfort to so many people, everything u write is so magical and re-reading your stuff always makes me feel like i'm receiving a warm hug it's the best feeling out there, ik u're taking a break rn and i'm glad to see u taking time for urself, as cool as the internet is it can also be very shitty at times unf, pls take care of urself nd ur health qt ! plus ik we r going thru some rly scary times this year with the pandemic and all that too, ik it's rough, but i hope u're okay, and i wish u loots of happiness mwahh

if u're not accepting asks right now i'm rly sry! pls ignore this i hope u have an amazing day ♡ but if it's not too much trouble, how did u start posting online? bc god, the way my brain keeps convincing me it's stupid even tho ik it would bring me joy :c i see all the drafts and ideas i've had for years now but never got the courage to post or develop bc i always convinced myself that it's too late now, or like it only works if u've already done it for at least a couple years? and that i suck anw and "wanting to write what i'd like to see/read" doesnt really work when i haven't practiced much, sigh even if i gather enough courage smhow, idk wut i'd have to tackle first

you never have to apologize to me for saying long things, no worries my friend!! i am long-winded and rambly by nature, so i totally get it <3 and ahh thank you so much for your kind and lovely words, i appreciate it a lot!!!! i'm very glad to hear that you like my writing so much ♥

how i started posting... man, honestly? i first started posting fic on a tumblr account whose password i have long since forgotten, like eight or nine years ago at this point. it was an rp blog for a very obscure tolkien elf, and i was lucky enough as a young teen to find people who were really kind and encouraging about my writing, both in rp and as little side-ficlets and whatnot! that's how i first got into actual writing at all. tiny ficlets prompted by rp stuff were the first things i ever posted at all - in fact, my first fic posted on ff.net way back when was just one of those lil tumblr rp ficlets i crossposted!

as for your conundrum, i def hear you :( insecurity and anxiety brain can be a HUGE bitch, and i know it's easy to tell yourself that numbers like comments and kudos don't matter, but it still feels really bad when you really want validation and you don't get any. (though i will say, it is true that the numbers don't matter! it's totally a game of luck. some of my favorites of my own fics don't have nearly as many kudos or comments as the ones i personally didn't even like as much/didn't put as much work into. it's not that those fics aren't as good; it's just that popularity is kind of a roulette wheel. it's easy to internalize it as being your fault if something doesn't fly, but it honestly really isn't in your control at all.)

but heres the thing! everyone starts somewhere. when i first started posting fics, i can promise you i was nowhere near as good as i am today! i didn't pay attention to sentence variation, i hardly ever used any imagery, my character voices were underdeveloped, etc etc etc. that doesn't mean that no one liked to see my post, or that i shouldn't have posted! it just means that i was a beginner. and so are you! there's no shame in being new at something. it just means you have a lot to learn, and there's nothing wrong with that at all! in fact i would say there's a lot of joy in discovering your voice and how you like to write. the fear of peoples expectations can weigh you down, but you should write for yourself first, not for others, or else you'll just burn out, you know?

as for what you'd have to tackle first: i could give you a bunch of technical mumbo jumbo if you wanted, but really i think it is about writing what you'd like to see! not in the way that you seem to mean here though (and forgive me if i misinterpreted! i don't mean to put words in your mouth). i first started writing just by describing little daydreams i had about the characters. first and foremost, your creation process should be fun for you!! if you enjoy writing something, your readers will be able to tell, and it adds to the piece. but more important than that is the fact that you'll have had fun creating something. finding what makes writing fun for you is, in my opinion, the most important place to start!!

[glitterparpaing]

lo does her therapy rant

CW // medicine

sooo as a lot of u know i'm starting to think i may have adhd

idk if that's the case but A LOT of symptoms are there

my older brother has been diagnosed with dyspraxia and adhd a few years ago (although we think he's actually in the autistic spectrum, still with dyspraxia tho)

so he's had adhd treatment, he doesn't take it anymore bc like he's not working rn

but the pills are still there, and my mom has this specific spray with plants u have to take 4 times a day to pass on 'test mode' which means u have less anxiety and well ur brain can pass a test so ig ur more concentrated too??

and I KNOW taking pills or whatever medicine regularly like that isn't really that advised especially when ur not diagnosed

but my mom takes these pills too when she has to drive all day long (to help her stay 100% focused all the time) and it's never done anything bad to her, she's just like hyper focused and it's great, as she DOESN'T have adhd (or at least she doesn't show the symptoms i or my brother show), and all my brother has reported as secondary symptoms were that he was less hungry

so i'm quite reassured

and i took the spray like once before going to one of my driving lessons and it changed NOTHING

so that makes me even more reassured

and u see i don't wanna take meds everyday, like school is pretty good without them so i don't need them that much

but!!!!! the fact is i wanna write a full scenario, like of a series

and i tried to write a short film once

but my brain hates that, literally i wrote like 2 pages and all my brain wanted to do was escape literally i was reacting physically, i really liked what i wrote but i was forcing myself A LOT

it's like i didn't hate writing this, it was actually pretty cool but my brain was constantly saying 'no. no i hate that. please can we leave. please can we do smth else. mom i'm scared cOME PICK ME UP' like a fucking child who wants to get home as soon as possible

so that's really not the best way i can write my scenario

but if i take these meds maybe i can do smth abt it, maybe i can write scenarios freely and also incidentally reduce my procrastination, (maybe, if i take the spray) anxiety, dozing off, the need to get my hands occupied ALL THE TIME (rn i'm doing this with some thread), my rejection sensitive dysphoria, the fact that i always forget everything and yet have a really good memory (yes that exists idk how to describe it to u), the horror of understimulation, and other stuff

[szivtalan]

8, 9, 16, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 25, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 34, 35, 36, 40, 41, 42, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 50, 53, 55, 57, 58, 59, 62, 64, 65, 70 (aside from Kagami 😂), 71, 72, 79, 82, 86, 87, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99 for the "Asks, why not" thing please? (Omg that's soo much, I'm sorry I got carried away ^^')

8) Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself)

Average height, bordering on short. Broad shoulders, thick arms and thighs, square face, slightly projecting ears (one pierced, one with a stretched lobe), bushy arched brows, thick square glasses, faded dark red hair, dark brown eyes, butt chin. I look pale and perpetually sleep deprived.

9) What do you/did you study?

I was in a teacher’s training program for English and Hungarian language and literature, and I’m planning to go back to school to study sociology!

16) What do you look for in a SO?

Consciously: understanding, fun, sweet, kind and accepting. Unconsciously: somewhat broken and in dire need of emotional help which I’m desperate to provide lmao.

19) Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands?

Eh, u know, it depends? I don’t think I’m fit for a serious relationship right now, so I’d prefer casual stuff atm, but on the long run I do want a partner to share my life with.

20) What are your deal breakers?

Really obnoxious people, ignorance and bigotry I guess. And I’m not keen on someone pushing or disrespecting my boundaries, either.

21) How was your day?

It was good!! My bro, his girlfriend and my friend tagged along to get our (me and my soon-to-be sis-in-law’s) ears pierced, and then my friend and I got a loot of food. I didn’t exactly feel good enough abt myself to be comfortable outside, but I got a lot of random kindness and that was Nice.

22) Favourite food & drink

Food: teriyaki chicken and seafood pasta, drink: ginger ale and iced coffee

23) What position do you sleep in?

I sleep half-curled up on my side, but I need to toss and turn a little until I find The Best Position.

25) Your fears

The dark, needles, rabbits (I don’t even know, dude), the fact that I’ll die without having made an impact on the world, being spoken about behind my back, being a bad influence on my friends.

28) Any pets?

Not right now! I used to have two rottweilers around the house growing up, but they both passed away sadly.

29) What are your hobbies?

Writing, sketching, basketball, getting on people’s nerves, researching typology, watchin movies idk?

31) What was your last awkward situation?

Asjhdh the ticket control guy told me to “Have a safe trip” and I said “You too!”. This rarely happens to me tho

32) What is your last regret?

Not holding my friend’s hand on public transport. It was…right…there….and she already told me she’s more than comfortable with physical touch! I’m a fool! Everyone thinks I hate touching but I don’t! I’m just shy!

34) Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.)

Ehh. Kind of? As for believing, I believe more in ghosts, but I do see some patterns in different signs. I just try not to let it affect the way I see/interact with a person, because no one deserves to be prejudiced for whatever reason, especially not their date of birth. Tarot is just fun, and the cards r cool

35) Have any quirks?

I bite the skin on my fingers, scratch my acne, make my knees jump… most of it is just regular anxiety stuff tho so idk?? I do think I’m quirky, but there’s just too much weird stuff to list ‘em.

36) Your pet peeves

Cig/booze stink on a person, customers being rude, bigotry, interrupting other people… There’s quite some things that annoy me asjdgd

40) Last 5 things from your search history

Boku No Hero Academia, Hawks, duck emoji, Grumman fma, How To Train Your Dragon

41) What’s your device backgrounds?

My phone lockscreen rn is a beautiful KagaKuro fanart of them standing in the rain in yukatas, Kagami looming over Kuroko and shielding him from the rain and Kuroko reaching up to stroke his face; my phone background is an art of they/them pronouns tattooed on someone’s knuckles, their posture unsure; my laptop background is a screenshot from the movie Déva, of blue skies and a street lamp.

42) What do you daydream about?

…cu..cuddling,,my…crush……..

44) What's your religion/Your thought about religion

Short version: barf

Long version: I was raised catholic (even tho I was never baptized), and attended catholic school for 8 years which gave me a really warped idea of Christianity, Which made me a cynic & an agnostic or atheist by proxy. I harshly criticize the catholic church and faith but sometimes… when I do feel hopeless I get down on my knees and pray, so I guess if I let myself find my own faith I’d be a believer. But right now, I’m good just existing in my nihilistic bubble

45) Your personality type

Needy imeanwhat. In a typological sense, I’m an INFP in Myers-Briggs, 4 core 5 wing in Enneagram, melancholic or sanguine in the temperaments, et cetera. Basically I’m a sad daydreamer with unresolved issues and a need to do Art

47) Are you happy with your current life?

Nah bro. I like my friends and my workplace but I’d like to move out of home ASAP. I’d also… like to get therapy before I go and put myself out there.

48) Some things you've tried in your life

Playing the guitar, hostess work, weed, cigarettes, being blackout drunk, smoking from a hookah, cooking, football, handball, basketball, volleyball, cycling, sailing, driving, hitchhiking long distances, folk dancing, one-night stands, long-distance relationships, helping people in need…

50) Favourite colour to wear?

Olive green, midnight/navy blue, white, grey and black.

53) If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be?

I’d… like to know how it would feel if I had a flat chest and a penis? I also want bigger Guns, and Abs, some more tattoos and maybe an eyebrow piercing.

55) Do you get complimented often?

I think so? I usually brush off compliments uhhh but yeah maybe! Maybe idk

58) Songs you're currently obsessed with?

My friend’s playlist reminded me that ‘Phenomenon’ by Thousand Foot Krutch exists. I’m also really into ‘San Francisco’ by The Mowgli’s atm and ‘Golden Time Lover’ by Sukima Switch!

59) Song you normally wouldn't admit you like.

I mean, it’s not like it’s cringe or anything, I hate cringe culture BUT. I do have Ariana Grande’s ‘Side to Side’ stuck in my head rn

64) Can you sing or play any instruments?

I can sing pretty badly, play a bad tune on my guitar, drum on the edge of my table, so- Nah not really asdh

65) Do you like karaoke?

YES VERY MUCH I live and die for karaoke, last time I did it in front of an audience we sung the Shaman King opening at an anime con with friends, it was Rad

70) Your fictional crush/es

AH NO FUN Kagami’s my number one,,, let’s see then: Aomine, Roy Mustang, Kise, Mikoto Suoh, Hotch & Reid from Criminal Minds, Yagami Light, Jaime Lannister and Brienne from GoT, Rustin Cohle from True Detective, Shizuo Heiwajima from Durarara!!!, why is this list full of men I didn’t think I liked men this much

71) Which fictional character is you?

Eddie Brock from Venom I mean? He’s a whole ass mess.

79) How much time do you spend on the internet?

Yike. More than I’d be proud of.

86) Would you use death note, if you had one?

No way dude. I don’t fuck with that shit, karma would fuck me right back.

87) What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to?

I’d eliminate money and power and just make it a huge peaceful hippie community or something idk

90) What would you want to happen to you after your death?

Donate me to a medical school I don’t care. Make use of me! I’m gonna be dead, I won’t have any more feelings left to be hurt or anything asdghdsg

91) If you had to change your name, what would be your pick?

I’ve had a name in mind that I tried out once, but it didn’t really work out for me after all. I’m fine with Vee and Vic rn. Anything that isn’t my given name. I do want to change my surname to my mother’s, but if I do that I also want to give myself a different first name, and since That isn’t figured out yet, I’m just?? Call me whatever dude

94) Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true

Ugh, I’m bad at these. 1) I have plenty of moles. 2) My eyesight is pretty good. 3) I’ve broken some bones before.

95) Cold or hot?

Cold in beverage, hot in weather.

96) Be a hero or be a villain?

Being a villain is way too much fun, but I have too strong of a conscience to pull that off, so… hero, I guess.

97) Sing everything you want to say or rhyme?

Asjhdf singing is funnier and more annoying, since I Cannot Sing

98) Shapeshifting or controlling time?

Dude I’m non-binary. Shapeshifting for Sure

99) Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?

Aight I’ll give in – I agree to immortality Just This Once.

[shakingsphere]

um i need a distraction so heres a question thing that yall are supposed to send to me but i just answered all of them if ur interested

Alisons: Sexuality?

straight i think

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

she/her cis

Amaryllis: Birthday?

january 30th!

Anemone: Favorite flower?

idk what they’re called but these vine type flowers on the side of my porch!

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

atla

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

depends on the context, definitely nothing where they could take advantage of me

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

i hate quotes i can never remember any lmao

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

.... diet coke

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

no

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

maybe? he didnt love me back

Baneberries: Favorite song?

vienna by billy joel

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

my parents are nice and supportive but overbearing and judgmental. my dad has a tendency to talk when its not his place and my mom is very jewish. my sister doesnt like me very much and is kind of rude. one of my brothers is really nice and the other is awful

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

I dont

Begonia: Favorite color?

green

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

red panda

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

night

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

a cat

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

an animator 

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

i love kids theyre so cute

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

heights bc theyre scary, and unachieving because i dont want to waste my life

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

i used to play with ants a lot

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?  

like if i was conscious it was my last day? i dont even know

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

single :/

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

central asia and iran

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

when im with my friends and we’re just hanging out

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?  

no ma’am i am a child of god

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?  

my ear lobes and i want to get my doubles done

California Poppy: Height?  

5′3. it be like that

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

yes!!!!!!!!!!!! omg

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?  

a college sweatshirt and pj pants with penguins on them

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

when i was little....

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?  

my friend hannah

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

i haven’t...

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

um lobster?

Columbine: Are you tired?

yeah lol

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

college and moving out of state!!

Coneflower: Dream job?

something where i can use my degree lmao

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

i think im an introvert but i also might just have anxiety

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

maybe?

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

i would take a bullet for most of my loved ones

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

yes. a tie-dyed teddy bear named tie-dye. he is my husband.

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

aquarius

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

nothing that people who arent me should remember, but i think our experiences shape us so

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

im not dead idk

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?  

um id probably be upset i care about my parents approval way to much

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

my friend hannah again lol

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

public speaking!!

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

math

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

um i met my future roommate, i lost a bit of weight, and i got some cute shorts

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

stressful! 

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

no

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

join my college’s honors program and study in russia

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

im not doing this one too tired

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed? 

xanax 

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

i try to tell ppl they are important to me

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

im funny i think

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

i wake up at 9:30 its 70 degrees Fahrenheit and i get lunch with some friends and then we hang out for the day

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?  

im so bad about this all i do is watch youtube and study, but i love to draw and im going to start reading more

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?  

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?  

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

pretty sure its french for clear or bright (depending on the context). my mom just liked it

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

im from a suburb of kck. its a nice and safe place to grow up but i wouldnt choose to live here

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

nice, but its in the basement so the view is really bad i hate that

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  

no nope no

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

she is very smart and hardworking but very judgmental and a bit inconsiderate. she loves me very much tho

Onions: Tell about your dad.  

he is short and angry. he tends to interrupt me a lot. he is supportive of everything i do. he is stingy about money tho

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

my mother’s mom died before i was born, and my i was never close with her father. he died when i was 8. my other grandma has bad dementia and isn’t sure who i am anymore. shes presbyterian but she would send my sister and i dreidels and such for hanukkah. im told i look a lot like her. my grandfather has been very grumpy for as long as ive known him.   

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

my 13th. i had an anxiety attack and had to go home early.

Peony: What was your first job?

i was a hostess at a seafood restaurant.

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

i give myself time to process it and then just move forward i guess

Pink: Where is home?

where your sense of belonging is ig idk

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?

i would have made better grades and quit band in middle school haha 

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

i want to be happy with 2 kids and a husband and live below my means but still be comfortable 

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

nihil was a philosopher. 

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

fuck idk my dog

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

background noise when your sitting outside

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?

for everything to work out!!!  

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

very very hard

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

the internet

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

8 hours but i overslept

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

i have to

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

i dont have a job rn and thats bad

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

my jeans from uo

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.  

cool librarian or 90s mom

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

160,000 dollars :)

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

the cost of college!!!!

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

oof like 2. i read Dune, and Slaughterhouse Five

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

college! finishing up my first semester

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

yeah :( 

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

ive been late to ap french almost every day this semester #c’estlavie

[lovebunnie]

Do all the asks coward

1. what does your wallet look like?

-i got it as a present from my uncle for christmas and its really expensive but also so ugly im sorry uncle tom. its like that ‘southern fashion’ bullshit that white MAGA moms wear. but it was better than my old wallet, which looks like this and i got when i was 12:

2. favorite color?

- baby pinnk

3. do you own a pride flag, or more than one?

-heres the thing: my parents basically know im not straight but i havent told them. my brother has thought i was a lesbian since freshman year, i have a small pride pin on my backpack, ive never been on a date, its complicated. but no, i dont have one. maybe one day, hopefully.

4. describe your favorite outfit

-black pants, platform doc martens, hoodie under a jean jacket, one clip on earring, and holding my crushes hand :]

5. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter, and what’d she do?

-okay so theres this girl in my theatre class who is really cute, and she put her head on my shoulder and shes pagan so she drew a little sigil on my arm that means “safe and homely” so like :)))))))))))))

6. do you use nail polish?

-i do, i mostly do black tho

7. do you keep organized?

-absolutely. i have things online filed accordingly, i pick out my outfits the day before, my binders are neat, i learned how to army fold my shirts, i keep my shit CLEAN

8. ever take naps?

-only accidentally. ill be laying in bed watching youtube and next thing you know my autoplay has me watching a markiplier video even tho i dont like him and its 4 hours later

9. who was your first crush?

-idk if this is a real person or not so ill do both. my first fake person crush was either troy from high school musical or frankie stein from monster high. and my first real crush was on a boy named dominic in elementary school. i told him i liked him at the end of 5th grade because i thought i was switching schools but then i didnt and we never spoke again.

10. what are your crush tendencies? fall hard or often?

-both both both. i am the worst with crushes. i have crushes all the time because im romantic and a fucking fool. i have 3 crushes off the top of my head rn and i like them all for different reasons. thats not to say that i want to date them, but its that i like them a lot and i kinda wanna kiss their cheek or hold their hand idk

11. describe your ideal day

-play overwatch with my best friend (u gonble >:) ) then hang out with my cat, go get a smoothie, buy some cool shoes or something, take a shower and be asleep by 9 :,)

12. describe your ideal date

-i have stated that build a bear is an amazing first date and im NOT BACKING DOWN. ITS CUTE AS FUCK AND ILL ACCEPT NOTHING LESS!!

13. whats your favorite food?

-either sushi or strawberries :3c

14. who do you feel most comfortable around?

-my theatre class, people from camp, and gobble

15. what is your favorite compliment to receive?

-i dont have a favorite, any and all are going to make my face go red so i have to cover it and maybe make me cry

16. did you/do you like highschool?

-the first 3 years fucking sucked but senior year has been amazing so far. mostly because i just kinda stopped giving a fuck but its amazing

17. favorite animal?

-i think its cats now. i really like cats

18. do you like your name?

-eh, its okay. its pretty but also it seems like there are 60 million fucking people named grace and its so annoying. i wish it was something more unique idk

19. what kind of weather is your favorite?

-a light rain. no swinging trees or thunder, just lots of rain. its nice to stay inside and feel secure

20. do you believe in horoscopes?

-absolutely not. but theyre fun if you like them

21. tell us about your music taste

-its horrific. to sum it up, my two favorite musicians are the gorillaz and frank sinatra. take from that what you will

22. have you had your first kiss? if so, what was it like?

-i havent had my first kiss yet. gonna be honest, i felt like i was going to, a few times at camp and recently when classes ended. but yeah, nothing yet

23. did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a kid?

-i went thro cycles of favorites. but one ive had for years is a plush shadow the hedgehog from universal studios i got when i was 6. i used to carry him around, even to a pool once

24. what time do you usually wake up and go to bed?

-if you know me, you know i go to bed ridiculously early. i usually get tried at around 6pm and fall asleep between 7:45 and 8:30. and i always wake up before 6 am. i havent slept past 6 am continuously since the end of junior year. please help me

25. what dream trip would you take with your wife?

-maybe to go explore new york, just the two of us that sounds like fun :]

26. do you have any pets?

-i have 2 dogs and a cat. the family owns the dogs but that cat is mine

27. what pair of underwear is your favorite?

-uhhhhhhhhhhh i have some with rainbows that are cool? i dont have favorites, none of them are cute anyway

28. what makes you smile?

-funny jokes make me smile real hard, and if you compliment me at the right time, i kind of pull my legs up and hide my face? its cute and charming i promise

29. what makes you feel heavy?

-in both the physical and metaphorical sense, eating bread

30. what makes you feel better?

-watching bo burnham always makes me feel better, hes my go to whenever im really depressed

31. how do you show your love?

-i show my love in everything i do. everything i do is for love, i love love so much its sickening

32. when is it time to get a haircut?

-whenever u want to lol?

33. where would you live if you could live anywhere?

-maybe san francisco, its beautiful and i love the city

34. do your friends and family take good care of you?

-as much as i allow them to. sometimes i go days without communicating and i know thats annoying but my friends put up with it (they shouldnt have to, i know) and my family is okay. its cliche to say, but they honestly dont understand what im going thro alot of the times, esp with my anxiety and shit

35. have you always used the labels you use now?

-back in the beginning of highschool, i used they/them pronouns and identified as asexual/aromantic. eventually, it didnt feel right, so i know identify as cis and bisexual and that feels right to me

36. what makes you laugh?

-my friends, when people shit talk gobble and i in overwatch even tho???? we didnt know him?????? and the mcelroys always get me

37. who is your favorite fictional character?

-too many options, see list here

38. who do yo admire?

-my father when hes not threatening to throw my phone into a fucking lake and my friends for putting up with me

39. describe yourself in three words

-i am baby

40. how long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 

-usually about 45 min, more or less as each day goes

41. what do you wish you could tell your younger self?

-listen: STOP GIVING A FUCK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. YOU WILL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN, BE YOURSELF. STOP HIDING AND BEING SCARED OF YOURSELF, BE GENUINE!!!!

42. what would you do if you win the lottery?

-get my parents settled, see about other family members, and then distribute the money to charities accordingly, starting with flint and getting them water

43. would you call yourself a romantic?

-yes

44. what is your gayest childhood memory?

-my mom had cosmos magazines

45. do you have tattoos or want any?

-i dont have any tattoos but ive been obsessed with them since the 6th grade. id love to get tattoos, i just dont know what or where and also im afraid of pain

46. whats your worst habit?

-either biting my thumbs, starving myself, or ghosting my friends. prob ghosting my friends

47. what are you proud of?

-i guess coming out of my shell finally? idk, i actually have friends now and it feels amazing tbh. im in 5 group chats now. i havent been in a group chat since 6th grade. :))))))

48. did you know that youre actually a gift to the world, for real?

-hi i love you?

49. whats your favorite memory?

-there are so so many. but what comes to mind first is our dance night at camp where we all stood outside and i finally gave ian my tumblr and we all ran inside to dance to mr. brightside then ran outside again and we requested nightcore and rivers was fucking dancing their hearts out and we all sang along and im going to crying just typing this out

50. do you have a sweet tooth?

-i guess so. too much makes me feel like shit but i do really enjoy smarties

51. what do you like most about yourself?

-this is dumb, but my sense of style. since i got a job ive been wearing shit i actually like and its amazing. ill admit i have cool clothes

52. what makes you fall for a girl?

-besides acknowledging me, probably getting to know me and not like, putting me on a pedestal. idk its weird, ive met a lot of people this year who like to place me so high it feels like i cant make a mistake around them without disappointing them. idk, i want someone to call me out on my bullshit instead of assuring me im okay. i want to know what i do wrong so i can fix it

53. make a recommendation

-for what? uhh okay for music, listen to ‘clay pigeons’ by michael cera (yes i know michael cera) and for television, watch bojack horseman and for movies, watch the docuseries called ‘7 days out’ on netflix

54. have you ever had your heart broken?

-yeah, when i broke up with maddy because we werent ready to date. i cared and continue to care about her and i didnt want to hurt her but i knew its what we both needed. its what i needed, atleast. and i cant be a good girlfriend if i feel like im doing badly. but also ive had friends break my heart and family break my heart. but im okay now, this heart is ready to be broken again

55. when do you feel most yourself?

-def when i was at camp, that place is magical in the way it allows you to be yourself. but also when i talk to gobble because hes my best friend and when im at college, we can talk more and its gonna be dope as shit

56. name a gorgeous celeb

-jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal 

57. what are some of your favorite songs this week?

-fake happy by paramore, im not okay (i promise) by my chemical romance, tomorrow comes today by gorillaz

58. tell us 2 or your biggest hopes and fears

-biggest hopes: i publish a book someday & i get a job doing something i love

-biggest fears: i end up homeless and broke & something horrific happens in college

59. what flavor chapstick/lipbalm is the best?

-raspberry i guess

60. are you okay?

-i answered a lot more honestly then i shouldve for some of these and i start new classes tomorrow so im feeling really anxious so im doing alright i guess.

gobble you test me but i do love you

[haepipillbud]

032221

it’s over..

I knew it was coming soon. just not this soon. 

there was still so many things I wanna know about him and do with him. so many memories I wanna make.. 

this is probably one of the longest posts I’ll ever do and definitely add more too as time goes on, but it’s definitely not the sign that I’ve moved on. that’s for a different entry. 

by the time I’m writing this part, it’s been well over a week since we broke up. it’s April 2 now.

for the past week all I’ve been thinking about is me honestly. and him. I wanna genuinely know if he’s doing well but he claims he is, I somewhat don’t buy it tho. in my perspective I’m kinda jealous of him because he’s a natural quiet guy and he can get away with looking sad and having mood swings. I live in a household where any sad emotion is not acceptable. they dig onto you and it always boils down to them trying to solve it with you when you want to solve it by yourself. it’s toxic.

we still talk. which I was told is a bad idea since memories are still fresh. I’ve told him about how I walk sometimes in the morning to clear my head, when I wake up accidentally. what he doesn’t know is that every time I do, I cry my head off which results to a whole day of headaches and migranes the next day. (which again I have to mask because weakness is not applicable to me in this family) 

he doesn’t know that I sat in that bench in the upper forest, that I hung out in the exact spot we first laid under the stars, in the swing where we chill after our long walks with friends, I pass by the house we used to trespass in, I pass by other houses we could’ve trespassed in. I also listen to sad instrumentals and our voice messages to each other while doing all this and I just let it all out. 

it hurts during those 2 hours. i miss him so much.

but it’s easier to fake that nothings wrong the next day, that’s also why I do it.

honestly I wish he’d come with me sometime. but I’m sure he doesn’t want any... intimate time between us yet.. it’s too soon. too romantic.

on the other hand I was doing well doing just that until I had a bad day at home, told a friend which she turned the conversation by saying “maybe you should also get rid of your emotional baggage”. she means my feelings for him and the way I’ve been interacting with him because it’s not healthy for each of us. 

it messed me up real bad. i had a panic attack and another s-word episode. 

what she doesn’t understand is that I want to cope with this sadness by going back to normal. before I knew he loved me. before he knew i loved him. back to when we’d just talk about movies, food and our friends. like best friends. I just want us to establish a friendship where we can tell each other anything (it’s more me doing that rn honestly) and we won’t judge each other because it’s already happening actually. boyfriend or not, he’s still my breath of fresh air. romance or not i want him close because he’s like my anchor from floating away too much with my messed up imagination. (ohmygod I’m about to cry. but again, I cannot. i must not)

but I think what I failed to see is that maybe he doesn’t want that. I may not have given him enough time and space to get over what we had too. I’ve been so selfish of him that I didn’t see if I was suffocating him with my messages, the tweets I send him, tiktoks I show him. I think I’m making it difficult for him and that makes me more upset. he said it’s okay but maybe he’s just telling me this to be nice. when in reality he wants me to stay the fuck away and give him space. 

I didn’t see this because I wanted to be selfish, I didn’t even know. ever since I could remember I grew up always the youngest the family, the weirdest in the class, the one who couldn’t keep a best friend for more than a year, the scary awesome one amongst my moms students. 

bottom line i’ve always been alone.

I’ve lived in my village for years and it took me 20 to meet my neighbors who ended up being the friends i want to keep for life. but the trauma of my childhood is still with me. that’s why I always think that I’m annoying people, that I’m not enough for anyone, that they can live their life without me. because for one my real parents can do it, why shouldn’t anyone else?  every message I send that’s left seen or not read at all add to this trauma. even if I’ve learned to mask it and say im alright, I’m really not. this quarantine, it changed all that. I became more aware of what my friends are to me. and two of them became my bestest friends. one of whom became my boyfriend for such a short period it hurts. 

but they also have their own lives. which at some point I may not be a part of anymore. I’ve always been taught that no matter what we’ve gone through, friends can replace me. even forget me.

I’m so scared of that. 

I love the movie ‘The Intern’ because Anne Hathaways character perfectly described my fear of being alone. Like for him, he’ll find a nice girl he’d want to spend the rest of his life with without having to hide or be afraid of showing to friends and family and he’ll continue living and eventually maybe forget me. heck, right now he porbably can’t even tell anyone that he was in a relationship. anyone who’d ask him in the future he’d say he’s been single all his life until his first REAL girlfriend. (ok now im crying) I’ll probably never exist in his book as someone who loved him because... we could never be accepted by others. and it’s me who’s the villain and he’s the victim because it’ll look like I seduced him or forced him or something. not that im saying it’s the other way around but some people will never understand what we had, even if we did nothing wrong. 

as I’m writing this, I’ve thought about everything we did. the sneaking, the anxiety of someone spotting us, him probably having to be extremely secretive to his family and not being able to tell stories about his girlfriend. having to make excuses just to see me. keeping our conversations, pictures of each other hidden. basically i don’t exist. I was such a big problem to him and I let it happen.

altho I had my fair share of anxieties and secrets, he must be more pained than me. being allowed but never really telling who I am or what I meant to him. 

probably I shouldn’t exist at all in anyones life. 

someday when everyone has grown up and moved on, I’m afraid I’ll be alone again. probably in my own apartment that I worked for and have friends check in. family meddle with whatever is left of my life. and when they’re gone I’m completely alone and I’ll be alone in a grave somewhere beside strangers. 

I’ve been alone all my life. 

not until recently tho. both in terms of friendship and romance. 

but I’m afraid it’s happening again. 

and Idk what I’d do without them. and him. 

[malunedyne]

aesthetic themed ask list: you know the drill fam, all of them now!

BRUUHHH IS THIS BLACKMAIL

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

will i ever be a successful writer/artist of any kind? how can i achieve that?

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

being able to be grateful and enjoy small things in life even if i feel like i’m at the peak of my dysthymia (lol)

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

a very random day i’m not sure why it got stuck on my head some +5 years ago when it was raining and i was outside my house, throwing lemons of my lemon tree towards the neighbors’ houses lmao

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

totally, i would start writing full time and maybe planning on doing some small trips before it

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

-visiting a foreign country (japan would be my dream)-publishing a work (either a book or a photograph in a prestigious place)-be truly in love and loved back

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

-she’s the only one who knows in EXPLICIT detail how my sublimation mechanism works, the biggest of my weakness, what makes me feel shame the most….. a college friend of mine, intellectually clever, emotionally not so much, shares big passion for the same EROS subject

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

-i can’t complain about it, i remember good things mostly, i still went outside and played but also enjoyed video games and cartoons; i was a loner but never felt lonely, my imagination compensated alla that

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

-in the first days of the year in front of my parents lol i was so done with everything

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

-i’d choose my father cause he surely would tell me some good stories or about the myths….. 

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

-that’s literally what going to therapy almost is lmao jks that’s not therapy well i think if i could feel reciprocated, i would

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

-3 am???? i guess it was my last best friend, but we barely think of each other now

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

-it would depend on a lot of things, honestly

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

-cute and it doesn’t give me the creeps to stare at directly, lmao (eyes too light give me anxiety to hold visual contact with)

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

“A Hero must struggle!” how can you know a Hero is a Hero without trouble though? isn’t life made out of trials? A Hero must not be just a muscular, strong figure who makes physical tasks, it also speaks of mental and intern fights too..... I wrote a whole paper on this and would surely write more about it

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

-1000 reasons why thinking everything will solve by itself later is a lie and a bad idea

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

-find another place to live with my family; travel. a fucking lot. but first, give my parents what they need to solve some financial and health issues. donate to environment protection orgs, buy shittons of gaming and anime merch like the hopeless half-arsed grown adult i am

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

-I can forgive anyone but it takes some time. I like being like that, everything that hurts me i sublimate later through my writings, so even that displeasure, has a /creative/ function in my life

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.-bitchyou’re dumb as hell, but wise as fuck. you don’t give three fucks about time,enjoy it while you can. you may have encountered yourself with people who tryto hurt you, mess with you and you feel bad about yourself, but it’s not yourfault in the slightest, nor they are right. never allow them to be in controlof YOUR emotions. you need to stand for yourself and yourself only, you don’tneed to prove shit to no one. Write. Write. Write. and never stop. use everythingand turn it into words: good, bad, fears and dreams. 

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

both depending on the #mood

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain

piercings aren’t really my thing but I like tattoos (not hardcore-like tho), I’ve think of getting one but I get overwhelmed and my mom would kill me lol (if my siblings agreed on getting a small Triforce tattoo and each of us pick one part /i’d pick wisdom tho/, i’d be more than happy to get it done) 

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

I used to wear mascara (but i caught an eye infection, lol), now i just do the basics: powder and lipstick.

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

uhm….. i owe led zeppelin a lot because it supported me thru the worst of my first major depressive episode, and i have a thing with Pink Floyd The Wall….. I used to listen it on repeat thru the last straw of it, so it naturally makes me feel depressive and somewhat suicidal ???? but just in thought….. I can’t listen to Dark Side of the Moon because I feel useless as well lol

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

we need to stop being arrogant, selfish and stupid enough to think everything is here to serve us; we can’t dissociate ourselves from nature and the environment as if we were self-sufficient.

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

oh now this is sad lol

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

the person who will spend their life with me, and where to find them

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

uhmm….. hehe

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?

i set /most of times/ my stuff for the next day, uniform; i eat/drink something and put a glass of water beside my bed, wear my pajamas, pray a little for the people i love, or render thanks for stuff, and think of my stories or some gay shit before till i fall asleep (if i’m lucky enough, i get to dream of it as well)

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

-same as u fam @electroma89, I want my parents to know my interest in writing and such, just like my father does buuuuuuuuuuut the topics of my interest i doubt they’ll understand and it’s a total wild card trying to guess how they would react like

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

have u seen MCU’s Gamora? that’s how I’d wear my hair

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

-uh….. lol idk, i’ve always have wanted to go to somewhere quiet and watch the stars

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

-Peace and Love on Planet Earth….. is there anything that’s worth more?-having self discipline….. i swear to Hylia lots of my problems could be avoided that way-meet someone who loves me and i can love back….. my life has placed me in the worst places to know people, i swear…..

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

-i’ve never dressed for halloween, but i’d like to; though i can’t think of any rn lol

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

-opening up to people more than i should had

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

-hurt someone from my loved ones; steal from the poor

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

-only one song??? FUCK i couldn’t say a person, but i’m sooooo special with songs i’m not sure….. maybe Le Cygne by Camil Saint-Saens, maybe that one

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.

-i’ve never been, i’ve been infatuated, but in love? as in love for real? i don’t think so

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

-i was thinking in cutting my hair real short…. i might do it next year

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

-i’d trust anyone who acknowledges i love italian sodas instead of coffee lmao

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

-getting some writings done and figuring out what to do once my internship trial is over

BRUH this is some deep shit for real omfg

[jasonblossomsghost]

ALL THE ODDS NUMBERS!

AAH THATS LIKE 50 QUESTIONS THIS IS GONNA TAKE A WHILE

1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? spotify 100%% i used to use pandora but i also used to think bangs were a good idea so

3. what color are your eyes?brown/hazel 5. what is your relationship status?single but that could change perhaps if a cute girl wants to lower her standards to the fucking ground lmaoo7. what color hair do you have?medium brown9. where do you shop?Ross, Charlotte Russe, and Rue 21 mostly. also target sometimes11. favorite social media accounti only have tumblr and snapchat so tumblr13. any siblings?i have seven siblings actually!! i only live with 2 tho bless15. favorite snapchat filter?the dog bc im basic af17. how many times a week do you shower?usually about 4. any more than that and my hair gets weird19. shoe size?like a 6-7.5 21. sandals or sneakers?sneakers all the way. sandals make me uncomfortable23. describe your dream datealright so ideally its with a person who likes me (if not, it would be a lil awkward). we would go to build-a-bear workshop and make each other bears bc im a sentimental piece of shit then go to the zoo maybe??? and get ice cream and just generally do cliche cutesy bullshit bc im a sucker for that sorta thing

25. what color socks are you wearing?i took my socks off like five minutes ago but they were light pink w/ dinos27. do you have a job? what do you do?i have a job (that i’ll be out of in a week rip) as a tutor for satan :)29. whats the worst thing you have ever done?once in the sixth grade this boy (my best friend at the time) asked me out. i said no and ran away. i heard he cried after. people thought i was a heartless bitch but turns out im just gay so31. 3 favorite boy namesim gonna do TRADITIONALLY boy names bc i don’t think names have genders but yeah anyway. i like noah a lot!! almost every noah i’ve met has been cool. i also like oliver bc its a fancy name. also Kai is a really cool name (sidenote: remember when like all the beautiful boys in stories that people wrote online were named kai??)33. favorite actor?hmmm probably The Rock or Jack Black. i love them35. who is your celebrity crush?oH MAN WHO ISNT TBH. i love hayley kiyoko, shura, laverne cox, angelina jolie (esp when she played Legs in foxfire,,, damn), and a ton more37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?i don’t read a lot tbh but my favorite book rn is the Outsiders39. do you have a nickname? what is it?ehlow calls me Or bc shes bi trash for me41. top 10 favorite songsi’m just gonna do my top 10 atm and not of all time bc thats too hard1. Coffee Talk - Broadside2. First Time He Kissed A Boy - Kadie Elder3. Mother & Father - Broods4. Don’t Take The Money - Bleachers5. Billie Jean - EDEN6. Mr. Brightside - The Killers7. Nicotine - Panic! At The Disco8. Teenager in Love - Neon Trees 9. New York Soul pt. ii - Jon Bellion10. High Enough - K.Flay

43.what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)i think its combination???

45. how many kids do you want?ZERO

47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)i think its like medium sized??

49. what was the last compliment you received?”you are the light in my darkness” - my friend haley 51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?4 or 5. my mom told me he died in a blizzard like a hundred years ago lmao53. opinion on smoking?kill yourself slowly if you want ig but stay away from me bc this bitch got asthma55. what is your dream job?founder of a non-profit for LGBT+ youth57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?nah my hair is really particular59. do you smile for pictures?only if im forced tbh61. have you ever peed in the woods?nope63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?i can’t have either anymore rippp but i preferred wendy’s65. what do you wear to bed?a sports bra/tank top and shorts67. what are your hobbies?suffering, being gay, watching the office

69. do you play an instrument?no but im trying to learn piano for my senior project!!!71. tea or coffee?tea 100% coffee gives me anxiety and is also gross without a ton of sugar73. do you want to get married?i mean, i like the poetic beauty of choosing to be with someone every single day and not being bound to them by law BUT i need those family benefits so yeah probably if i can trick someone into marrying me75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?only if they have a cool last name77. do you miss anyone right now?,,,perhaps,,,79. do you believe in ghosts?idk??? i want to tho81. last person you called`my little sister so she could let me into the house83. regular oreos or golden oreos?can’t have either but gluten-free regular oreos are better than the vanilla ones so regular85. what shirt are you wearing?one of the 10 black v-necked shirts i own87. are you outgoing or shy?in the middle probably?? like i don’t approach people like every day but im not shy lmao89. do you like your neighbors?one of my neighbors is a redneck bar so no91. have you ever been high?who needs weed when u got dissociation tbh93. last thing you ate?im 85% sure it was chocolate95. summer or winter?summer. i’m less stressed in summer

97. dark, milk, or white chocolate?milk but dark is ok. WHITE CHOCOLATE IS GROSS AF

99. what is your zodiac signscorpiooo

[skold]

do all the questions tho

smh okay

1. My age:

22

2. My eye color:

hazelish???

3. Age I lost my virginity:

depends how you define that. if we’re talking consensual below the belt contact, 16

4. Guilty pleasure song:

i honestly don’t feel guilty about liking anything… i don’t like the concept of guilty pleasures

5. Guilty pleasure movie:

see above

6. Most embarrassing memory:

probably something i aggressively repressed

7. Story of my first kiss:

i think i was 13 and this girl and i went and hid behind the band building lmao

8. Describe my crush/significant other:

very cute soft boy

9. Song I last sang aloud:

don’t remember tbh??

10. Have I ever been in a fistfight:

nah but i did get beat up once 

11. Any siblings:

only child

12. Favorite movie quote:

the bit from saw 4 that john says to cecil. “good doesn’t lead to good, nor bad to bad […] it’s how you play the hand you’re dealt, that’s what matters”

13. Any kinks (be honest!):

what ISN’T my kink

14. Any nicknames:

not really

15. What did my last text message say:

that i sent?? “probably”

16. What’s been on my mind the most lately:

see question number 8

17. What concerts have I been to:

too many to list here lmao

18. Any song(s) stuck in my head:

i’m currently listening to mobscene right now so that i guess

19. My tavorite Tumblr blogs:

i’ll probs do a follow forever soon, how about that. 2 lazy rn.

20. One word to describe myself:

unenjoyable

21. Best news I could hear right now:

tbh not comfy answering this even tho something immediately came to mind lmao

22. Am I religious:

nope

23. Any phobias/intense fears:

nothing irrational tbh… i’m mildly claustrophobic but i think that’s a general anxiety disorder thing

24. Best day of my life:

honestly a few are coming to mind??

25. Worst day of my life:

same as the above tbh

26. Legalize weed or no:

legalize af

27. Three ways to win my heart:

i mean… idk. if you’re a soft spooky type i’ll probably already be swooning. but pet names and “this reminded me of you”s and random dirty messages always get me.

28. Ideal first date:

anything that involves cuddling and/or holding hands

29. My Zodiac sign:

gemini sun libra moon virgo rising

30. Sex on the first date:

not opposed

31. Kiss on the first date:

also not opposed

32. Do I believe in ghosts:

sort of?? not in a typical sense. but i believe in spirits and i believe they can manifest physically if they want

33. One thing guaranteed to turn me on:

you could probably breathe on me and i’d get turned on but. if you say anything remotely dirty to me i’ll melt

34. Most terrifying experience of my life:

i have ptsd from csa dude my whole childhood was terrifying

35. Do I believe there’s life on another planet:

honestly it’d be naive not to

36. Celebrities I would have a threesome with:

do i even need to answer this

37. Favorite lyrics right now:

i’ve been wasting all this time trying to keep you off my mind

38. Accomplishment I’m most proud of:

haven’t killed myself yet

39. What do I like least about myself:

i mean i have a handful of insecurities. mostly my ptsd and a couple physical things.

40. What do I like most about myself:

I WRITE

41. Introvert or extrovert:

somewhere in between

42. A song that never fails to make me happy:

for some reason this question always makes me go to reckless by ymas but i think that’s bc it goes off live

43. Write the first paragraph of my obituary:

dude idk. that requires thinking about dying which gives me a shitload of anxiety. i’ll pass

44. Predict what my life will look like a year from now:

probably the fucking same

45. An unpopular opinion I have:

minors don’t belong in kink spaces or discussions period end of. idc if u say it’s nonsexual. u can have opinions but they do not matter in the context of a discussion because you’re a minor and you cannot truly understand adult shit like kink 

46. The story of my life in six words:

i just love john and tim

47. Last time I had sex (if ever):

it’s been a solid 6 years

48. Any tattoos:

i have 6 and you can see em here

49. Any piercings:

i also have 6 of those (both lobes ½ inch, left cartilage piercing, septum, both nipples)

50. What will I name my son/daughter:

nothing bc i don’t want kids

thx anon

[demonialex]

1-100 😘

omfg ok under the cut cuz yeah long af

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Spotify!

is your room messy or clean? uhhh it’s in the middle i guess lmao a little messy but not complete chaos imo?

what color are your eyes? dark brown

do you like your name? why? i hate my given name so instead i named myself alex and now i rly like it ay B) 

what is your relationship status? single

describe your personality in 3 words or less caring, impatient, lazy

what color hair do you have? brown

what kind of car do you drive? color? i dont have a car

where do you shop? uhhhhh i dont really shop much cuz im broke? but sometimes in various stores it depends on what im getting?

how would you describe your style? “i don’t have enough money to dress in the style i actualyl like so this will have to do”

favorite social media account ngl it’s probably this hellsite

what size bed do you have? queen

any siblings? nah, only child

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? hmmmm probably canada? cause they seem rly chill with lgbtq ppl and they are rather safe? plus i speak the language sooo

favorite snapchat filter? ...the dog one (well out of the current ones cuz i rly miss the “greek goddess” or whatever the hell was the name of that one)

favorite makeup brand(s) kinda rly dont care tbh? i kinda of go with whats cheaper lmao and also it varies on what it is (foundation, eye shadow, etc)

how many times a week do you shower? usually every day tho im ngl today i was so exhausted (im super sick) that i forgot to shower

favorite tv show? currently? probably the magicians

shoe size? varies between 7~8 US

how tall are you? 162cm

sandals or sneakers? sneakers

do you go to the gym? ok i tried going this year but then i got drowned in homework and now i have the flu dont judge me

describe your dream date honestly i have no idea? as long as im with someone i actually like and am attracted to, and that the conversation flows, im good.

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? my go-to wallet? 0. my savings wallet? i think around 1k or 1.5k i cant remember for sure? as i said, it’s a /savings/ wallet 

what color socks are you wearing? im not wearing socks

how many pillows do you sleep with? one under my bed and one on each side of me so i can throw my leg over it when i roll

do you have a job? what do you do? nah, not allowed to work ;-; 

how many friends do you have? uhhhhh... 3? 4? idk mate i lost A LOT of friends in the past few years :/ I have quite a few “acquaintances” now and ppl i wish were my friends but who dont seem to want the same, but actual friends i think probably just 4

whats the worst thing you have ever done? depends on who u ask, on ur morals, etc

whats your favorite candle scent? i like too many, i cant pick!! D:

3 favorite boy names guilherme, alex, leonardo ? i guess? idk

3 favorite girl names carolina, camila, alex. again, i guess lmao idk

favorite actor? dont rly have one

favorite actress? again dont rly have one oops im boring

who is your celebrity crush? fck i have way too many tbh

favorite movie? probably DEBS tbh

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?not rly... it’s not that i dont /want to/ it’s just that i constantly forget to read. my fave is probably little brother or my girlfriend is a geek

money or brains? for myself? money! on a potential partner? brains tho idc that much abt academically smart yadda yadda

do you have a nickname? what is it? Zu

how many times have you been to the hospital? uhhhh for actual important shit and not just casual check ups probably.... 4 or 5 times? i cant remember. i had pneumonia and i fractured bones quite a few times

top 10 favorite songs !!! i cant choose fam

do you take any medications daily?ye anti depressant and anti anxiety

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) always thought it was oily but apparently it’s mixed/combination

what is your biggest fear? ooo boy i have too many fears idk if i can choose a main biggest one

how many kids do you want? none thanks

whats your go to hair style?  “i woke up and was too lazy to brush my hair plus if i dont brush it it looks extra fluffy and slightly curled”

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) small-ish apartment

who is your role model? dont have one tbh

what was the last compliment you received? deadass cant remember

what was the last text you sent? “thank you~”

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? no clue tbh i was still a child haha 

what is your dream car? I rly dont wanna drive tbh but i find lamborghinis so fckin gorgeous

opinion on smoking? idc as long as u dont do it next to me cause it tends to make me cough a lot. tho depend on what ur smoking and the brand and if we are in an open space for some reason i dont smoke so ye

do you go to college? yup!!

what is your dream job? no clue

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? suburbs. the more things to do the better

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? i usually forget but my mom always takes them for me so :^)

do you have freckles? not the standard “a bunch of tiny ones around ur face”, but i have the classic brown ones here and there. does that make sense? :v (i hate that u guys have the same word for both kind of freckles smh)

do you smile for pictures? not usually? at most a close mouthed smile more like a smirk lmao

how many pictures do you have on your phone? i dont wanna do the math but over 1k

have you ever peed in the woods? who hasnt??

do you still watch cartoons? if animes are considered cartoons then sometimes, if not then not really

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? cant remember how the wendy’s ones taste like so i will go with mcdonalds

Favorite dipping sauce? depends on what im eating. usually blue cheese, if not then bbq

what do you wear to bed? depends on how hot it is lol

have you ever won a spelling bee? never even been to one

what are your hobbies? watching tv shows? idk mate

can you draw? kinda i guess

do you play an instrument? nah :(

what was the last concert you saw? i think it was demi lovato lmao

tea or coffee? i dont really drink either tbh. loved the tea my friend made me, and loved the coffee my grandma used to make me. alas both live too far away now

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? i deadass think i only went to dunkin donuts ONCE and i dont remember shit abt it so i will go with starbucks

do you want to get married? hmmm idc either way

what is your crush’s first and last initial? dont rly have a /major/ crush rn, just smol ones

are you going to change your last name when you get married? if their name is cooler maybe

what color looks best on you? black

do you miss anyone right now? i constantly miss too many ppl but i try to avoid thinking abt it

do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed!! i hate sleeping with open doors

do you believe in ghosts? i guess?

what is your biggest pet peeve? idk fam i have too many haha im blanking rn

last person you called` probably my mom or my grandma. i hate calloing ppl so i usually just call them lmao

favorite ice cream flavor? hmm probably half baked from B&J. in general i like peanut, chocolate, vanilla, bubblegum... i have a rly sweet toothe lol

regular oreos or golden oreos? regular!

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? chocolate!! the rainbow ones taste like plastic imo

what shirt are you wearing? it’s not rly a shirt? it’s a.. camisole? i think that’s how u say it? my mom got it for me, it’s from that the despicable movie or whatever it was called

what is your phone background? lock screen is julia wicker, home screen is julia and marina

are you outgoing or shy? generally shy but id depends on who i am with i guess

do you like it when people play with your hair? if i like the person (even as friends, just as long as im comfortable with them) then hell yes i love it! if it’s a stranger or someone i rly dont like then no obvs

do you like your neighbors? i dont rly know them tbh

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? ye usually once when i wake up and once before going to bed.

have you ever been high? nah i was able to take like 2 drags and then i died coughing

have you ever been drunk? nope:( not from lack of trying lol but the taste is so gross it makes me feel a bit nauseous

last thing you ate? bread with requeijao

favorite lyrics right now the lyrics of “trem bala”. deadss considering getting part of it tattooed cause it’s so... deep? and good? and it’s sigh it’s rly good if anyone is interested i can translate is lol 

summer or winter? winter

day or night? night

dark, milk, or white chocolate? white tho milk is a close second

favorite month? hmmm idk? maybe november cause mah bday?

what is your zodiac sign scorpio

who was the last person you cried in front of? i rarely cry and even more rarely cry in front of others so i dont rly remember but if i had to guess probably my mom?