#this is what ive been working on for the past two days :) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ceruleanfuckup · 3 months

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I'm so excited for my D&D campaign

#i ran one in this world for two and a half years where everything is ravaged by dragons #but now theres been a somewhat revolution because one of the only surviving major cities was impulsively conquered by my players #so things have been shaken up a lot and now they have a holiday because they brought i think three gods to earth at once #two of my players became the vessels of the gods of light and darkness and duked it out and fast forward a year or two #and their hold on the economic powerhouse of the continent is solidified and they have partnered with an organization #that specualizes in magical artifacts from every concievable reality #and my NEW campaign is people hired by this organization #The Forge of Wonders #they have this entirely greyed out library full of strange books that when you pick them up gain color and you can read their spines #and these books are stories. theyre fairy tales. theyre pirate adventures. theyre dragon babysitting. theyre demon apocalypses.#and these stories are worlds. theyre stories in truth. and my players have been hired to dive into the stories and retrieve Thing #for the forge of wonders #which means i get to make WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT BITCHES #i get to be so fucking impulsive with my story crafting #and im not going to balance anything correctly. theyre just going to have to assume from the summary in the front page if its doable #demon apocalypse? probably outside of our level. gnome tinkerers? probably not too bad #and ill have prebuilt stories and something theyre taked with retrieving and they get to choose which onr yhey do #anyways the forge of wonders started as a magic shop that only accepted platinum (1000 gold) as currency so they did a lot of shopping ther #i just took that old document full of crazy magical items and i tweaked it and molded it and added to it and the new version is 33 pages 🥰#thats what ive been doing at work the past three days lol #dnd #my dnd

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ialwaysknewyouwerepunk · 2 months

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#these past two weeks have been so intense that ive just.. not spoken about it once i got home from work #blocked it all out #my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer #breast and uterus. she needs two major surgeries #they just diagnosed her two weeks ago #so we've been trying to deal with that as colleagues and friends #because we love and miss her and i am so deeply sad as well #but i feel like i couldn't process that at all bc two days after the news of her diagnosis i was asked to take on half of her work #on top of my fulltime #which i agreed to do bc i like her tasks and i want to help her and i also know i can do it #but it does feel very off bc i know i don't earn enough money for this workload to be long term and it is def like this #for the coming four months at least #so i did tell my manager that i would like a raise and. that bitch told me to BUY MORE SECOND HAND SHIT.#i seriously thought i saw my life flash before my eyes #then the day after she asked one of my colleagues who's been with the firm for over 30 years whether she was looking for another job maybe?#which caused that colleague to instantly go home in tears and be home from basically a nervous breakdown the past 1.5 week #which is her full right and i support her with all my heart but bc my management sucks it meant that we had to also carry her tasks ofc #i felt soooo spread thin and super super angry actually but i didn't even realise how angry i was until last thursday my colleague w cancer #came by the office. and talked about all of it. and i suddenly realised how sad i was but then also how angry #but i was just blocking it all out trying to stay afloat #bc we told her about what the manager had said and she said “i hope that i get the chance to really tell her how it is someday.”#“because the stress she causes with people can actually kill you. just look at me.”#and the rest of the day i felt so ready to be done with everything actually #but seeing her anger made me see my own anger #and released me of my own pent up emotions bc i had actual leg pains this week and it was purely psychosomatic #i then managed to tell some friends yesterday about what was going on and their outrage spurred me on even more #so today i emailed hr. demanding a raise #doing this amount of work while constantly feeling like the house is on fire while also struggling financially seriously makes me suicidal #and i am not joking #so.. if nothing comes of that im leaving that job and not looking back

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orcelito · 1 month

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Went upstairs, fully intending to knock on their door to ask them to stop. Got as far as their landing before chickening out. But I did bring the note too, just in case, so I left it on their front door.

For what it's worth, i did end up hitting the ceiling again to try to get them to shut the fuck up. And I don't hear it now. But that also might have a little to do with my fan, which I turned on extra high today. I don't prefer to have it on more than the lowest setting (for sound padding) bc it makes my cats cold. But if they get too cold, they can go to another room. I really really need to be able to sleep tonight. I'm really feeling the sleep deprivation catching up to me.

#speculation nation #and if im hearing thumping tomorrow night even still i will check to see if the note is still there #(aka did they even see it?)#and if it's taken down and yet there is still thumping. Then i will submit a noise complaint.#i dont prefer to include authority figures like this but fuck dude if direct methods arent working what else can i do?#if if were just a little bit every now and then i wouldnt even care. i didnt really care for the first two nights.#but it's just kept Going and Going and Going #starting past 10pm. some days as late as midnight. and then running as late as 2 am #and maybe later. but thats when ive been drowning it out with music out of a desperate wish to sleep #(but i also Do Not Sleep Well With Music)#just. hours. of irregular thumping in changing rhythms. never too loud but so constant it is Worming Into My Brain.#i cant handle constant repeated noises. i really cant. nothing sets my auditory sensitivity off more.#i just want to curl up into a ball and cover my ears with my fists. but that wouldnt be very conducive to sleep now would it #the 5th day of this in a row... im going to lose my mind.

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mediapen · 2 months

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this is the worst fucking trip of my life. i spent a week in russia having a massive panic attack every fucking day and THIS is the worst trip of my life

#ive literally never experienced such rude people im gonna snap so fucking bad soon #it’s EVERY DAY if it was a one off it’d be at least a bit better but it’s EVERY TIME I GO ANYWHERE WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME!!!!!!! oh my god #i am so sorry central maybe it’s not you. well it was you but your shitass contagion has spread around the world #I’ve had like six people cut in lines ahead of me people walk so close they push me into walls i just stop dead now it’s the only thing tha #works some guy walked through my arm and WHACKED his arm on my water bottle in my bag and it HURT him i could hear it it’s the highlight of #this entire fucking trip #i have been hit in a cathedral nearly stood on multiple times kids running into me people trying to walk through me ive just lugged my case #onto a bus where these two old cunts with like cabin bag sized cases managed to move to take up SIX SEATS as i got on the bus with my big #case so i had to stand. then nobody would let me off the bus with my big fucking case so hopefully i broke some toes. and THEN in my three #minute walk to this airbnb i am supposed to just get off the planet apparently and also walk in the road because god forbid other people #develop an ounce of brain matter and not walk four abreast on the pavement im fucking over it. fuck off and die you can see me im 5’9 #also the bus people im not done with those fucking bus people like they were in the four seats and one of them went to a two seat but the #one on the four stayed on the edge with his case so i couldn’t get past and there were no other case-friendly seats #like it was fucking intentional what level of fuckhead do you have to be to stop someone sitting on a bus absolutely wank #google translate I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF the next time something happens and i will do it for real #dl

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opens-up-4-nobody · 5 months

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...

#hello darkness my old friend. I have insomnia again #it seems i wont get back to sleep. making this the 4th night in a row of 4 to 5hrs sleep. woof #is it insomnia or am i on the bleeding edge of hyp0mania? idk its weird. i can feel the strain in my head #my thoughts dont connect as well. its like im being pulled in two directions. my brain becoming spaghettified. growing thin around the #middle. but im not as tired as one might expect. ive been pretty productive and optimistic but anxiety and internal restlessness are up #like im tired but also i need to get up and pace around. maybe jump up and down. maybe run in circles.#the energy comes in waves. sitting in lectures or sitting for the extended addition of l0tr has been somewhat unbearable #bc im so contained. i would not ever get up and walk around while those things were happening but i desperately wanted to #ugh. whats my problem? who's to say. could also b the medication. i see the psychiatrist next week and i think ill beg to b put back on #lam1ctal. just bc when i was taking it on a super low does i had a week or feeling the most normal i think i ever have in my life #anxiety and evil thoughts were so small and i felt happy in a way im not sure i ever have been #like i think under normal circumstances i just have a low capacity for joy. at most i feel neutral. like i was telling my friends how i #might do some field work in winter and they were enthusiastic abt it and i kno y bc it sounds cool but idk i just dont feel anything abt it #i cant see past the pain it will take to get there. and i mean mood wise i feel alright on 4bilify like in a nutral way but stable isnt #the same as feeling happy. but maybe its all just in my head. 25mg lam1ctal shouldnt b enough to b effective #but idk i think im just sensitive to the chemicals in my body. including hormone fluctuations. idk. i hope she lets me switch.#itll b a pain in the ass to readjust in terms of going off what im on now and it might not work #but theres literature on retrying lamicta1 and they say to avoid inflammatory reactions in the first 2 months. which i did not do. oops #not that i was trying. i didnt think abt it until id had a million holes poked in my skin and was experiencing a mild tatt00 allergy #ugh. anyway. tbh id prefer this being hyp0mania vs insomnia bc then at least i can continue to function a bit during the day #ive never done anything that wild while hyp0manic aside from injure myself from over exercising and make bad choices in how i spend time #ie become insane abt something and not b able to think abt anything else. ugh. and i guess at this point ive tentatively accepted the idea #of being bip0lar. so i swear to christ if i was misdiagnosed ill b so mad. its just that if i fill out an 4dhd and bip0lar checklist. i #get a way heavy positive with bip0lar and the 4dhd is meh. so i think i just have overlap in symptoms due to dyslex1a and 4utism #ugh. me and my collection of diagnoses. so it goes #unrelated

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polaraffect · 7 months

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#damien.txt #so listen. i've been kind of fucking depressed for the past 3 months ish #and im going to tell a story related to that in the tags so. if u continue to read. judgement free zone for me pls okay?#cool cool so im like. Really bad abt taking care of my self & my surroundings when im depressed #esp bc like. im in school & work so. literally ALL of my energy goes to those two things #and i will go. weeks upon weeks not cleaning my room #not throwing out trash. which i am AWARE is gross. but truly i would get home and pass tf out and then wake up and #start the day again. like i just truly was not engaging it in any way #anyways. so there's this library book that's been sitting on my nightstand for around a month ish #and ive also been using it as a place for other nightstand things- putting cups on. glasses at night. etc.#well. so i get an email that this book is due back tomorrow. so im like 'oh i should put this book in my backpack'#and i lift it up..... and fuck. there is literally spotty mold ALL. OVER. the back of this fucking book #i guess one of the cups i left on the night stand leaked liquid onto my nightstand and then it soaked into the book or something #and the book didnt move for a Month so like. it's had forever to just sit there and mold over.#and fuck. fuck! i was having such a good night before this too.#now im like.... what the fuck do i even do #i probably just need to go turn it in & pay the fucking expensive fee but like. fuck me. i wanna cry #it always feels like one thing on top of another. like things just are constantly going wrong in my life #and like i Know this is not. the biggest deal in the world. but it just feels like such a dumb fucking thing to happen idk.#anyways. gonna cry abt that and. i guess figure out what im doing with it tomorrow /:

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cataztrophi · 11 months

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ugh this is so frustrating I've been fiddling with this art piece for hours and I think I finally figured out what I'm doing wrong but I have to go to sleep bc I have work in the morning

#like i could keep working #but ive already been late to work the past two days and i don't want to push it #but now im so jized about art idk if i can sleep anyway #hyperfocus what hyperfocus

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milkweedman · 2 years

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Eugh

#think im in a flare up and it just decided to start with my hands this time #was watering the garden earlier and my knees were burning n when i squatted to get at the water spigot my hip nudged itself out #everything is falling apart again (by everything i mean this stupid meat suit)#but also working on my resume like this sure is something #like. 'please hire me i cant do anything 30% of the time and i have constant near impenetrable brain fog #and i will injure myself multiple times a day just doing basic tasks'#and like. i dont want to work. it always results in me pushing myself way past what i can do safely just to keep up with the bare minimum #and it leaves me so exhausted and in pain that i cant do anything else with my tims because im just trying to recover #but also not working means someone else has to pick up my slack and i fucking hate that #ive been thinking about trying to go on disability #i mean i kind of doubt id qualify. and i know its a LONG process. and also im planning on getting married in the next year or two #and im pretty sure that would throw a wrench in it #i dont know... its awful trying to keep up with everyone. i cant do it physically or mentally. but i dont really have a choice but to try ?#at the moment almost all my time and energy is being taken up by being in pain and the rest it is just.#basic maintenance. which i only barely manage to do sometimes #idk !!#chronic illness #my next appointment with pain management isnt for more than a month #gonna ask for something for the joint pain if i can #since nobody can tell whats actually fucking wrong with them the least they could do is just medicate me for it...

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bunnyb34r · 1 year

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I wish there was a way to convey to your neighbors that you wanna be alone when you're doing yard work sggdgdgd like just bc I'm visible to you and outside does not mean I wanna be friends 😭

And like I don't want to be RUDE to people I just wanna work in peace and do my outside chores 😭😭😭

#my neighbor came over to introduce himself and hes like yeah ive been here 6 years now :D how bout you?#and im like 24 sgdgdggdgdgdgdgd like yeah i remember the past two families that lived in your house man i remember all the people #who used to live here especially the guy NEXT to this neighbor who moved out after like one year who i swear on my life was a serial #killer like something was just really off ab him and he got too friendly too fast and would just show up when hed see us IN OUR FENCED #BACKYARD like privacy fence and he would be like hey neighbors! :DD whatcha doing?? need some help? :)#and i stg i remember this one interaction bc i really think he was gonna try to abduct my mom like i know i sound so paranoid but they way #he was acting was like he was thrown that i was there 😬 like the vibes were bad #and then he just SILENTLY moved out one day like the house didnt go out on the market with the sign no moving vans no goodbyes #he was just GONE so uh yeah 😬 oh and he would only come over when my dad was at work like not in a i dont want him to know im #trying to get with his wife (he wasnt flirty btw) but like a... i dont want him to know ME way #anyway he's long fucking gone and ill always wonder but i did feel safer when he left shdgdggdgdgdggdhdh #this neighbor i think is just like trying to be involved with his neighborhood bc he talks to everybody but i just feel uncomfortable when #anyone talks to me shdhdhhdhdh #marquilla #also i think i might have poison ivy and or oak on my hand from the bushes 😬 we cannot get rid of that shit no matter what we try i stg

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victory-cookies · 2 years

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y’all sorry for not being on at all, exams are over but literally the night after I came down with a cold and have been going through some of the worst fatigue of my life

#I’ve tested negative for covid but ive literally been asleep for the majority of the past two days #idk what’s going on I’m just so tired #Feeling a bit better so hopefully after work tomorrow I’ll actually be able to like. do things again

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chisatowo · 2 years

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Man I've been dead as fuck on here I miss posting stuff but idk what to post abt :/