#this is wildly personal i'm not kidding. you don't have to read it if you're not interested

[unproduciblesmackdown]

another day another "applying the concept 'disposability' to 'someone withdraws from a personal relationship, & that wasn't signed off on by the other'" kill me

[prismatoxic]

this is going to be a very long and very personal post, but i've been thinking about it for a while. it's about my old FP i mention sometimes.

it's almost 4k words long, so. be prepared for that.

i got this question on retrospring a few days after paris blew up on me.

it is a very innocuous message. probably from a friend, maybe from a stranger; i won't know unless they tell me. it's the last question i ever answered on retrospring, though i have gotten harassment since that i did not answer, forcing me to shut off anonymous messages.

the exact timestamp is Sunday, May 29th. the last time paris messaged me was Tuesday, May 24th. i had to go into our old server to find that date. i don't have a good memory, but i also hate to look at anything from their old account. so, the message on retrospring: a seemingly insignificant event, but dated so close to the breakdown that is serves as a much more accessible reminder of how long it's been.

"about 1 year ago" is the immediately visible timestamp on the message.

2 years ago, paris was my best friend.

though, thinking about it, maybe that isn't true. it isn't what i called them. mikee is my best friend. i have never wanted to dethrone them from that spot. that term is special to me. (see, now, why my earlier post mocked myself wanting to be everyone's best friend? i won't even use the title for more than 2 people.)

no, i called paris my "queerplatonic partner" or my "platonic soulmate". qpp, usually. in hindsight it is so blatantly clear that i was obsessed, that i was attached in such an unhealthy way; i did not recognize myself as having BPD at the time. so, in the end, paris was not my qpp, nor any manner of soulmate. they were my "FP", or Favorite Person: a BPD term i would say is akin to "hyperfixation", but on someone you personally know.

i don't want to openly pass judgement on paris here, because that's not why i'm writing this. they're long gone and goading people to be as upset as i am serves no purpose. however, i will say this: they encouraged my behavior. my obsession. i believed, in a sense, that the pedestal i had put them on was in some way parallel to the one they had me on.

there was no pedestal under me, though.

paris and i met sometime in September of 2020. potentially on the 15th, as that is when i created our roleplay server. it was in a proship fandom server for a website i used to moderate. (i don't know if that site is ever going to manage to get finished, now, but i still have hope.) having just gotten very into souyo, i was hunting for roleplay partners, and said as much in some channel or another. paris, at the time, was playing P4G for the very first time. we got to talking. i made our roleplay server, and for two years, we would only ever talk therein.

today, there are 77 threads in that server for different roleplay plots. some are very long; others, very short. i was (and am) unable to focus on any one thing for any real length of time, but paris was accommodating. they were happy to do new plots as i came up with them, and they pitched their own from time to time. most of them are souyo; a handful are for our bancho triplet au; there are some akeshus, and one or two banpegos. we came up with a lot of ideas. a lot of aus. sometimes we'd redo an idea; sometimes we'd branch off from something we'd done before.

we roleplayed every day. i knew their schedule and they knew mine. our responses were quick and snappy, and if we couldn't keep up, we'd talk about it. we talked A LOT. very rarely on the phone or VC, usually in text. they do not live in the US, but we exchanged numbers anyway. we talked so much and so often that it drowned a lot of my other relationships out; i can be very single-minded in my obsessions. i almost lost several people.

i almost lost the love of my life.

in the summer of 2021, paris was taking a trip to the united states to get vaccinated for Covid, and they made plans to stop and see multiple people. in between other plans, they made just enough time to see me for 3 days. they were seeing their older friends for much longer, but i didn't question it, i didn't worry. i was so sure that i was so special to paris. i trusted them so much that the fact that they refused to allow me to interact with their core friend group just bounced right off of me.

in retrospect? ouch.

the visit was fine. paris finally convinced me that i was allowed to be disabled, that i was allowed to rely on support like the electric carts at stores and stuff. they had clashed with devot in the past, but the two of them got along fine for the visit. i was so thrilled; my two most important people, getting along? what could be better? the three of us had lunch and went to ikea. then i hung out at paris's hotel the other two days.

even when they were visiting their other friends, we were talking near-constantly. at some point, my obsession reached a very unfortunate peak, and i decided that if i was that obsessed, clearly i was in love with them. they were (and are, presumably) polyamorous, and i thought maybe i was too.

this isn't a part i want to talk about very much, because it's humiliating and painful. i tried to negotiate an open relationship with devot, and as a result, i almost lost him entirely. it was a very hard time for us, and it made me realize that i loved him way more than i could ever love someone else, even paris. if pursuing paris meant i would lose devot, then i simply wouldn't pursue paris. it wasn't until later that i would truly recognize that it was never romantic love; it was obsession, a need to be a bigger aspect of their life than i was.

paris knew my intentions and knew my ultimate decision. however that made them feel, i can't say. i don't know.

you see, towards the tail end of their trip, they suffered a familial tragedy and their return home was delayed. (or maybe they did make it home, but not for very long? my memory is fuzzy and i absolutely do not want to comb through our server to find it.) their family was in the US and that's where they needed to be for a while. i don't want to go into more detail than that; it was a very personal time for them. we did not talk a lot during it. they said, "i can't carry you right now".

maybe that was a clue as to how they viewed our relationship. i don't know. i assured them i wasn't asking for that, that i could carry them, but all the same they needed their space and i gave it to them. i had permission to send messages with the understanding that there would be no response, so i did.

in lamenting my mental state during all this, jesse (you may recall him being a best friend) suggested to me that maybe i possibly, perhaps, had BPD. he explained it to me and may have also directed me to some sources. it was eye-opening. it forced me to confront my actions and alter my behavior in ways i never realized i needed to do. in terms of paris, however, it came too little, too late.

this part of the story i have told before; i mean, i've told it all before, but i think i was more descriptive at this point. as paris recovered from the tragedy and began returning to normal life, they did so increasingly without me.

conversations in our server were short and uneventful. they were not up to roleplay, which i understood; i searched for other ways for us to connect.

they abandoned their persona 4 twitter and made a new one. they claimed persona 4 had become a trigger. i don't know why, and they never explained. it seemed that the biggest connection we had was now in the past, but i was so deeply, wholeheartedly invested in our relationship that i didn't let it get me down... too much.

the thing about the decline of our relationship is that it was not all at once. it was an accumulation of things, increasingly large signs that they were done with me. the persona 4 abandonment was one of those signs. another, how they were publicly interacting with their older friends, but no longer with me. yet another; they got into no man's sky, but when i finally got my hands on a copy to play with them, they stopped playing. or maybe they just stopped posting about it.

they did not post in our server unless i prompted them first. they did speak in our server with our mutual friend priam, but... just to talk to priam. ask them for advice on the french language, mostly, for a novel they had started to write. anything i said was quickly glossed over (not by priam, though; priam and i are still friends and i love him dearly).

this went on for 7 months.

i know that figure because just before i purged my vent twitter, i went back to the very first post i'd made about the situation. i posted a lot about it... almost every day. i also cried almost every day. i was trying to take it in stride, at least publicly, but in private i was falling apart. paris, who used to like every post on my vent twitter to let me know they were reading them, had stopped doing so. they also never asked me about any of the posts, which they used to do. at some point i figured they had most likely muted my account.

it doesn't feel like it was 7 months. it feels like it was much shorter. how could i have been in so much emotional pain for 7 whole months? i know i was hiding it from everyone as best i could, i didn't even tell my therapist; how could i have done so for so long? but my vent twitter proved the timeline. 7 months.

devot's not blind, of course. he knew something was up. i very rarely told him anything about paris, a point of contention between us. i knew he didn't like them. i didn't want to make it worse. however, i am nothing if not a paper-thin pane of glass when it comes to the phrase, "are you okay?", and eventually i had to tell him why i was so depressed.

he didn't know how to help. the only thing he could do was provide me with the matches; i had to burn the bridge myself.

he told me, early on in my relationship with paris, that they had told him something. (i didn't know they'd spoken outside of my personal server at all.) they told him that my obsession with them wouldn't last, that eventually i would find another interest and move on.

it was a gut-punch. our relationship meant everything to me, but they only saw me as an obsessed little fanboy, at least at the time. and it felt ironic, because they had moved on from me, not the other way around.

paris was (and presumably is) very serious about the privacy of 1 on 1 conversations. they never ever divulged things that happened between them and someone else that seemed in any way "personal." they expected this of others, as well; they told devot what they said in confidence. of course, his loyalties lie with me and absolutely not with them, so he told me anyway.

now, let's step back, for a moment. i want to try and paint a picture of what it was like being in my shoes.

i trusted paris. everything they had ever said to me was taken at face-value and believed. they had proven to me (or so i thought) that they always spoke their mind, were honest, and cared about me very deeply. i trusted them to tell me if something was wrong. in those 7 months, i asked them directly if anything was bad between us. they assured me we were fine. all the while, i knew they were hanging out with their older (real?) friends and generally ignoring me. i knew they had come to loathe the media that brought us together. i knew that they didn't want to play games with me, even their supposed favorite game.

i knew that they were shutting me out.

but paris never communicated this. they were visibly moving on without me, but i trusted them so much that i willfully turned a blind eye to it, waiting for the day they'd be "ready" to talk to me again. then devot told me about what they'd said, and finally, i started to split.

splitting is another BPD term, though it has its uses in general psychology as well. it is primarily a defense mechanism, mostly against The Big BPD Fear, abandonment. splitting is to see a situation and black and white and take a side. there was no longer nuance to the situation; there was paris is my friend, or paris is my enemy.

i was reluctant to let it happen. i resisted it. splitting and my natural empathy are extremely at odds with one another; i tried to convince my brain that paris was still my friend, that there were reasons for all of this. these were conscious thoughts, but the split was not a conscious choice.

i resented paris. either they apologized to me, and fixed things, or they didn't and that was that, it was over. very new to the concept that these were unproductive thoughts, i didn't know how to combat them.

i made a tweet on my vent twitter.

as i said earlier, i had come to assume that paris had simply muted my vent twitter; they had gone through so much, clearly they couldn't carry me, as they said... so i made a vague tweet that wasn't really vague, assuming they probably wouldn't see it anyway.

to paraphrase, as the tweet no longer exists: "you said once that i would get bored of you and move on, but you're the one who moved on from me"

they had not muted my twitter, they were just ignoring it. i know this because they finally messaged me first, and it was about that tweet.

the first volley of messages, sent in our roleplay server, was very clipped but mostly civil. they were disappointed in me for resorting to such a low tactic as to post a passive aggressive tweet instead of coming to them about my concerns.

(i had been having no luck getting them to talk to me; our last exchange in that server was nearly a month prior and lasted about 6 messages. perhaps you can imagine why i didn't think taking my concerns to them would work.)

i was not present when they sent these messages, and didn't get to say anything before they left the server. i did return to my computer not long after, however, and realized, with equal parts regret and relief, that it was over.

then they dm'd me, something they had not done since we very first started talking.

the dms were vicious. they had only gotten angrier after sending the first wave of messages and wanted me to know. devot had betrayed them by telling me what they said, and i betrayed them by repeating it on my vent.

i watched each message roll in, one after the other, numb. i considered replying. i never did.

they called me selfish. hungry for attention. everything was always about me. they said all that happened was they stopped initiating contact, and i had the nerve to claim it was abandonment? in the server, they said they expected me to tell them if i had an issue with them. in the dms, they professed to feelings they had never told me they had towards me.

they said they didn't know what they were even trying to accomplish, that i wouldn't even care. the messages stopped.

their twitter was abandoned; in time, their discord was as well. they never blocked me, simply... vanished. their friend list was wiped clean, their icon blacked out. i think it only didn't happen immediately because they needed to retract their presence from everything they modded and collaborated on. why not delete the discord? i don't know. i'll never know.

it's still there, black icon, no friends, no profile. our exchanges are intact. every other account i ever knew them to have is abandoned as well. if i had to guess, they don't go by "paris" anymore. they told me they had changed before, that "paris" was the longest-running identity they had. they loved being "paris". i'm sorry i ruined it, genuinely.

so, May 24th, 2022. a Tuesday; devot would have been off work. i don't remember if i cried. i think i was just sort of bitterly relieved. i think i said "good riddance" on my vent, after blocking their accounts.

that's the thing about defense mechanisms, i guess. they can work. yet, as time passed, the full weight of it all came bearing down on me. not just the end, but every part before it: the grief of it all, of losing paris, piece by piece until there was nothing left. them claiming that the "only thing" they had done was stop engaging with me first was laughable, but maybe to them, that really was the truth. i said it before: it was an accumulation of things. straws on the camel's back, you know how it goes.

it was never just about the roleplaying, or even the conversations. i tried so hard, for so long, to find something else we could do. i trusted them when they said we were fine. i trusted them when they told me they loved me. i trusted them in every way i could trust a person.

paris said once that they didn't believe in empathy. they said it was essentially "mind reading", that there was no way to know how another person was feeling, so how could you know you felt the same? hyper-empathetic, i stayed quiet. they were smarter than me, and more worldly than me; they probably knew better.

"about 1 year ago," says retrospring. i remember when it said only days. when it said a month. when it said 7 months. (that might be when i made my last post on the subject.)

shortly before that day, i finally told my therapist what was happening. it was my very last appointment with him; i'd been seeing him for 4 years. he was moving onto a private practice and could no longer take my insurance.

i said it had all began about a year after paris and i met, and he posited a theory: perhaps it was the honeymoon phase. those tend to last about a year, he said. maybe they had simply gotten bored. he did not say it unkindly (he was very good at his job, and i trusted him very much), but it did strike a chord in me. i thought maybe it was too simple an explanation, though, and after all, we were qpps. how could they just get bored?

i don't think we were qpps at that point. (arguably, we never were, but as a label we shared, i think they had agreed on it at least for a while.)

the explosion a scant few days later did not feel like boredom, it felt like vitriol. like resentment. it felt like they had wanted to say those things for a long time. but it had been 7 months since the possible end of this "honeymoon phase," so maybe. i guess i'll never know.

i have become very bad at keeping up with roleplay. even if it's the same short style, or even if they let me switch between ideas constantly. even if it's souyo. even if they're my friend. even if i'm having a great time. at some point, the mental block rises up, and even though i'm not thinking about paris, i know that's where it came from. devot is the only one largely immune to this effect; we still roleplay constantly, though i do at times fall into slumps even so.

i keep trying; i love to roleplay. it's my favorite hobby. but every time i try, it stops dead by my own hand. even if i'm actively trying to prevent it.

...but otherwise, i think i'm doing better.

my approach to relationships is different. i know what i'm capable of, if i get carried away. i'm careful, and i try to keep track of my emotions about a person. i also trust people a lot less, and fear abandonment a lot more, but i'm aware of it and trying to do something about it.

devot and i are doing much better; he doesn't have to compete with anyone anymore. i have a lot more time and emotional energy for him. i love him very much, and i'm so grateful he stuck with me. i'd be nowhere without him.

the roleplay server i made for myself and paris sits at the very bottom of my server list, tucked into a folder with the server we shared with priam. i don't want to lose the memories, but i never even look at them, so it probably doesn't matter either way. maybe someday i'll use some of those old ideas. i already did, with one; one of our roleplays was the basis for my oc nate, who i made well after paris was gone.

i do not ever want to see or speak to paris again. luckily, the feeling is most certainly mutual.

tomorrow, in about 12 hours, i will be speaking to my new therapist. he is the second i have had since the one i had for 4 years, and the first since then that i actually think i mesh well with. i think i'll tell him all of this. hell, i might even read the post to him. we'll see.

is there a point to all of this? kind of. mostly it's for me, a retrospective of what happened. it's also just informative for the people closest to me who i have likely not told everything in this much detail. if you read it and get something out of it, that's great.

it's been "about 1 year," according to retrospring. i think i like that metric better than the exact timestamps of paris's final messages to me that discord gives. the era of "tox and paris" burned bright and burned hard, and died out very quickly. it's probably for the best. i am healing, and i don't know if i'd have ever gotten better if they kept me around. there is a long way to go, but... i have hope, honestly. i think i'll be okay.

[taffywabbit]

I touched on this during a stream last night but like. the thing that's probably really confusing about Mormonism is, if it's so wildly restrictive and puritanical and alienating, why do people actually want to JOIN the religion and claim to like it and feel that it improves their quality of life?

I've talked at length before about how, like any good cult organization, the church weaponizes rejection from outsiders and a deliberate sense of self-perpetuated othering to keep people trapped in the organization and feeling like they can't trust "the world" - they're only safe and understood and accepted within the confines of this very specific and unattractive in-group who have all been messed up in the same ways they are.

but like, as much as the statistics show that Mormons don't actually get many new converts for the amount of money and resources they spend on missionary efforts (and thus have to focus on long-term retention through the above methods, and also compelling their members to have a dozen kids who will grow up Mormon, in order to grow/maintain the church's numbers), some outsiders DO join, and some members who are more resistant to the feelings of isolation DO remain in the church out of a sincere belief that it makes them happier and more fulfilled. so like, what's up with THOSE people? how do they convince themselves this horrible restrictive lifestyle that cuts them off emotionally from the rest of society is what they actually want?

well, I'm sure there are a lot of deeper psychological factors that vary between individuals, but if you think about good old-fashioned Puritans and why THEY were so focused on the constant denial of basic earthly pleasures, you can get a little insight into this. from what I've figured out in the years since I left, a lot of this religion's supposed emotional benefits boil down to moral relativism.

most people want to feel like they're a good person, and some people have a really hard time feeling like they're a good person unless they have someone who is "worse" than them to compare themselves to. a lot of Christianity in general runs on this - the more evangelical or puritanical a sect is, the more you hear them speaking dismissively of outsiders and nonbelievers and heathens, and sometimes even talking about "purity" (ew). Granny Baker down the street could be the sweetest kindest old lady who volunteers at the food bank every Tuesday, but if she's not an avid churchgoer, especially in your particular chosen denomination, then she's still inferior to you in some meaningless intangible way and you get to feel like you're special for doing nothing. that's pretty much it! Christianity for a lot of people is just about getting to feel better about yourself without needing to improve in any actual substantial ways. you read your special book, say your prayers, sit in a church for an hour every week, never ever think any gay thoughts, and boom! you're "righteous" and god loves you, so who cares if Granny Baker thinks you're kind of a judgy asshole.

Mormons, though, take this to the next level. it's ALL about moral escalation, baby. it's not good enough to just do the basic Christian stuff - you need to prove you've joined GOD'S ONE TRUE RELIGION by being even more holy and special than any other Christians, too! they think drinking is frowned upon? well not only do Mormons NEVER drink or smoke or do drugs, they don't drink coffee or tea either! regular Christians go to church for an hour every Sunday? Mormons go for 2-3 hours, plus potentially some extra meetings if they have additional responsibilities in some kind of council or whatever, PLUS all kinds of other shit during the week to make sure they're in the church as often as possible. PLUS adult Mormons are supposed to attend several-hour ordinance sessions at a temple (those bigger fancier pointier churches that nonmembers can't enter, where all the REALLY cult-y looking stuff goes on) as frequently as they're able. regular Christians (if they're kinda old-fashioned) try not to work on Sundays? Mormons aren't supposed to do ANYTHING on Sundays besides church stuff. don't buy things, don't do schoolwork, don't go to the movies, don't listen to music that's "irreverent", etc etc... at EVERY level of this lifestyle your priority is to make sure you're extra special and holy and living a more devoted life than anyone else so you never have to question if they're more kind or benevolent or accepting or, y'know, actually Christlike than you. you follow all your little arbitrary extra rules and thus win a game that nobody else is playing.

something especially funny that non-Mormons may notice is that SOME Mormons take it EVEN FURTHER, too. not content to just do the bare minimum as set forth by the church's many councils of wrinkly businessmen in Utah, they make up ADDITIONAL personal rules for their family to live by, so they can be extra sure they never step anywhere CLOSE to being morally inferior to anyone. this is why you may have met Mormons who also say they don't drink cola or caffeinated soda or any soda at all, or who don't play video games on Sundays, or who not only don't swear but don't even say substitutes like "crap" and "dang it" and "freaking". (hey guess what! I was all of these at one point! my parents gave up on that last one after a while tho lol.)

they'll often tell you these extra house rules are part of their religion too, even though they're technically not in the books anywhere... and in a way they're not wrong, because that IS largely what Mormonism is about on a cultural level. you don't have to care about being homophobic or racist or uncharitable or various other things that come with essentially just being a Utah Republican But As A Religion, because every week you get to go to a place that praises and affirms you for being better and smarter than everyone else by following all the special little secret arbitrary rules that make you Morally Invincible and immune to anyone else's judgment.

so how does this tie into why people find the church interesting and want to join/stay? well of course, a desire to always win your internal comparisons against others goes hand-in-hand with a desire to be privy to secrets and tricks and obscure knowledge that others aren't. it's not just that Mormon beliefs can make you feel righteous - they ALSO make you feel smarter than all the other dumbasses out there who couldn't figure out that literally all you need to do to be happy is Stop Drinking Coffee and also Give 10% Of Your Income To An Organization With A $100 Billion Stock Portfolio. they entice you with the promise of teaching you stuff that everyone else is apparently just too dense to comprehend, and make you feel clever and special for recognizing the Truth. it's not just a social in-group you're being invited into, it's an EXCLUSIVE CLUB full of SECRET KNOWLEDGE with HIGH STANDARDS and only SMART COOL PEOPLE get to join! if you're going through some rough times or your self-esteem is low or you feel vaguely guilty about your life and don't know how to feel better, you are a lot more likely to be ensnared by what they promise you. (trust me! when I was a missionary they literally trained us to ask questions that would help us efficiently target those people!) and then before you know it, you're isolated inside that ecosystem, normal people find you intimidating and weird, it's hard to get back out, and the church won't leave you alone if you do. oops! aren't cults fun?

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Hello, my dear friend! 😎

I hope you're having a wonderful day. I've come to fulfill my noble quest, as promised.

So, we've already had pregnant MC, which I adore and cherish, like all your works. What you do is amazing, and I hope you know that. You bring the kind of joy into our lives that I think does wonders for our weary souls. On top of that, you're one of the kindest souls I've ever met, and I'm lucky to have you in my life and be able to call you my friend. Seriously, you're a miracle and you make the world a better place.

But to my actual request. Could you please do headcanons about the M6 being pregnant? Seahorse dads are very much encouraged 👀 I often think about having children with Nadia, but I don't really like the idea of being pregnant myself (although our dear Countess does make me want to consider it every once in a while. The baby fever is very strong with her.) Plus, I'm certain there are other people like myself who prefer not to get pregnant or they simply can't for various reasons.

Thank you! Hugs to you and much love 🤗❤

Ps.: I'll kiss you if you do it (in a friendly but still very gay way)

The Arcana HCs: When M6 get pregnant

@theintrovertbean I'm here to collect my platonic but still very gay smooch, please :3 (In all seriousness though, I keep rereading your kind words and trying not to cry, that means so much to me. I'm so glad I get to call you my friend too!!)

-- CW for mpreg (obviously). for headcanon purposes, all members of the M6 want to have a child with MC and are happy with being the partner to be pregnant. whether this happens by natural means, depending on what reproductive system you headcanon them as having, or by *magic*, said baby is 50% your DNA and 50% theirs. --

Julian

Did the two of you take active steps to make it possible for him to carry your child? Yes. Did he think he would be fortunate enough for it work? No. Is he surprised now, even though it's planned? Yes

The most freaked out about what his body is in the process of doing. Again, this is something he agreed to and genuinely wants, but it's just so surreal to him that he keeps needing to rationalize it

His way of rationalizing things is to study them

This does not help his ever-present anxiety, especially when he has to limit his caffeine intake and his mood swings are even more intense than normal. He is going to bury himself in research

And then completely freak himself out with the assorted random weird facts, unhinged medical theories, and pregnancy horror stories that he encounters. Which isn't good for the baby

Speaking of, he keeps swinging wildly between being hyperaware of the tiny creature he's growing and completely forgetting about his state. Suddenly his self-care directly impacts someone else

Spending nine months with limited caffeine intake and 0 alcohol was actually very good for him. (even if it made him cranky at first)

The overall process was fairly smooth for him - he didn't have a lot of awful symptoms, and the only health scares were his own anxious "what if" spirals after reading horror stories before bed

Kept working the whole way through (though with considerably fewer hours so he could get more sleep), and generally did a great job whenever he wasn't thinking too hard about it all

Asra

They never actively envisioned this happening in their future, but when you brought up having kids in the first place they were already fairly open to the idea of being the one to carry the baby

There was definitely magic involved in the conception. He's too extra for there not to be (plus, a little boost never hurt anybody)

For such a normally chillaxed person, they did not take this decision lightly. Everything from planning, to conception, to preparing to raise a kid is full of intentionality

He wants to ensure that his kid gets a childhood that lasts as long as they need it to and a happy, safe environment to grow and explore. His baby fever wasn't intense but his nesting habits are

They get in several last crazy adventures before they start to feel the pregnancy and then spend the rest of it either sleeping, getting the baby's space ready, or eating the most unreal food combos

Seriously, you expected weird cravings, but considering how unusual his tastes already are you didn't think it could get much weirder. It can get so, so much weirder (he even managed to finally pry open that jar of kool-aid pickled garlic and put it in custard)

Between their parent's enthusiastic support and Nadia and Julian providing full medical backup, they are well looked after

Not to mention the pregnancy glow. He makes it look ethereal

They aren't fond of physical discomfort, though, and it makes them unusually broody and cuddly. Please give them snuggles

They spend weeks creating the most whimsical nursery

Nadia

She was actually the one to bring it up when she started talking about her expectations of marriage with you after proposing

For how strained her own relationship with her family is, she's more excited about starting one of her own with you than you expected. When you tell her that you want kids too, she's all for it

Sets a rule as soon as she tells her family that she won't be accepting more than two visitors at a time. Namar nearly revolts

Her pregnancy was not easy, at all. It was months before she could keep a full meal down, she was in near constant pain, and the fatigue was unrelenting. And she never let on in public, at all

Seriously, the only people who knew how hard it was were her close friends, trusted Palace people, and doctor. From the outside it was as if she couldn't feel it at all and life carried on as usual

The biggest noticeable difference (aside from her growing bump, which she somehow managed to make her draping clothes look even more regal with) was having Portia deliver speeches for her

Towards the final few months, it caught up to her enough that she couldn't be nearly as active as she used to. She turned one of her side chambers into her office and took all her meetings there

It also became evident how much the Palace staff loves their countess - the cooks worked tirelessly to find easy meals for her (and satiate every craving beyond the laws of culinary art)

Not to mention that the garden was immaculately kept

The amount of gifts for the baby took up several small closets

Muriel

He didn't bring it up. No, you brought it up, because of how out of hand his baby fever was getting. He'd gone from begrudgingly letting kids climb on him to actively offering to help watch them

Which turned into a lifestyle - he started spending all his free time carving toys so he could carry them in his pocket in case some shy toddler looked like they wanted one. You're running out of firewood

He offered to be the one to carry the baby, if you didn't want to

The psychological aspect of it is much harder for him than the physical. He knows his own body, he knows his strength and capacity for survival, and he's comfortable with what he's doing

But that is a whole other person-to-be he's growing, they deserve the best they can get, and he's not convinced he's the best

Is this ... selfish of him? Is this greedy? He knows he'll put everything he is into being a good parent, but what if someone else's best is better than his? MC, what are we doing??

These anxiety spirals happen frequently, either when he's gone too long sitting by himself or when the pregnancy insomnia makes it impossible for him to sleep the amount he normally likes to

On the plus side, the mood swings actually make it easier for him to express what he's feeling (and for you to know what's going on with him) so that you two can navigate it together

Asra is so excited to have a nibling that they stop by almost every day with baby gifts (and supplies from Nadia, once she knows)

He full body freezes every. single. time the baby moves

Portia

Oh, she's wanted to have a house full of kids since she was a kid in a house full of kids. She brought this up with you as soon as she started talking about a future together and she is so pumped

Literally nothing about the concept of it fazes her. She's helped with plenty of pregnancies and births, she's seen the good, the bad, and the ugly, and she is fully confident with you by her side

In her mind, this is the first of many (assuming all goes well, which she fully believes it will) so this is her chance to take things as they come and note them down for future reference

Keeps a daily journal with all her pregnancy observations, plus doctor's notes from weekly check-ups and plans for the baby

You didn't know pregnancy could make somebody more powerful but somehow she's done it. You expect it to catch up to her at some point and for her to take time off to rest, but she doesn't

The pregnancy glow is real and it is named Portia Devorak. You've never seen her hair so bouncy and full (shedding increases x10)

The biggest downside is that she can't stand the smell of cooking or baking anymore, which has long been one of her comfort activities. You'll have to manage meal prep (or partner with a chef)

Speaking of, half the Palace is asking for updates on a daily basis (which she happily provides). Nadia's showering her with more supplies and maternity leave than Portia wants to accept

Julian panicked about being the doctor until Mazelinka shoved him aside and took over as midwife. Portia's in skilled hands

Lucio

This was not planned. This was a happy accident. (Though Bob Ross never painted such a surprised, panicked, violent tree)

Whether because protection didn't work, or because Lucio saw a glowing orb in a weird dream and decided to mess with it while he was sleeping next to you, neither of you were remotely prepared

It doesn't really compute for him at first. The growing thing in his stomach is about as real as the tooth fairy - it's a concept that people tell him about before he goes back to daily life

It's a concept he's fiercely protective of and wants the best for

On a practical planning level, you two take advantage of his relatively easy first few months to take on a bunch of high paying jobs and revisit villages that seemed like a good spot to stay in

He's almost symptom-free until the bump really starts growing and his body starts adjusting for the extra weight. Thankfully by then you've found a place to settle down and reliable income

Lucio, understandably, becomes a complete diva once you do

He's pretty darn proud of what his body is doing, and he's relieved beyond words that he's having an easier time than what his mother described, but he does not like the way he looks

Or the aches and pains, or the breathlessness, or the way his whole body feels swollen and sore. (at least his hair looks nice)

You've never had such a hard time keeping him to his intended budget. He sees one (1) baby item and his wallet flies open

His sweet tooth gets 1000 times bigger than it already is

[4th-make-quail]

May I ask a clarifying question on your boundaries? I don’t consider myself “proship” or “anti” as I think those terms are reductive, and two people who may both fit under one label could have incredibly different opinions. However, I believe that the way I interact with media could be something that someone would call “anti”, in that I find it more interesting to look at fiction through the lens of reality rather than “fiction doesn’t effect reality”, by which I mean when reading Lolita I like to go “okay so what is this saying about how the psych profession saw csa at the time?” “How was this influenced by Nabokov’s own experiences?”, I see Marius and Armand as a reflection of child sexual abuse and enjoy analysing it under a more realistic lens, and would find wincest more interesting as a look at enmeshment between siblings under an abusive parent, rather than a ship (although what people mean by the term “ship” is also really vague and can differ wildly).

Based on that, and what you say in your pinned post, would you prefer I don’t interact? I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable!

Okay so to preface this, I don't go into much detail in my pinned because I hate the whole thing, and I hate spaces which are super dedicated to the pro/anti discourse. I try to keep my online spaces free of discourse and drama because its simply not fun! I don't want to spend my days steeping in negativity.

This got very long, so I'm gonna put it under a cut!

So. The thing is anon, the proship label originally came about as a response to antis, to describe people who don't actually care what other people ship ("ship and let ship", "your kink is not my kink and that's okay" and all that), but it's been massively conflated these days and now people take it to describe what they call problematic ships or art. You're right about them being reductive terms - and in fact, I have a lot of freak friends who are super into things I personally dislike or am outright squicked by (and vice versa), because we're not a monolith.

My stance entirely is this: I don't care what other people ship. I don't care how they ship it, or how they want to analyse and engage with that source material. I think what people ship and what art people enjoy has no say at all in what their morals might be.

What you describe as how you engage with those pairings is a completely valid interpretation! Preferring to look at a relationship through those lenses is perfectly fine, and in fact lots of people do this under the umbrella of meta.

What I personally mean by "ship" is the usual description - I want those two characters to have a romantic and sexual relationship. However, I also have no issues with people who don't have that viewpoint because it quite literally doesn't affect me unless they go about harassing others.

Liking a "problematic" ship dynamic doesn't mean you also condone that thing in real life. There's a reason one of the top sexual fantasies is noncon (see: any women's magazine list of these), and it's not because the person secretly really wants to be raped in real life. It's because human beings enjoy exploring taboo subjects in a safe and fictional environment.

Where my opinion stands on this is simple. If you think it's okay to harass people for the ships they like, if you think it's acceptable to write call out posts and smear people's names because of the ships they like, then I don't want to know you. If you think liking Marius/Armand makes that person a paedophile, or that liking underage ships leads to the person eventually moving on to real life kids, or that being an incest shipper means you're gonna go fuck your own sibling, again, I don't want to know you.

The same goes for both sides of this frankly stupid issue - far too many people who call themselves proship proudly love to dunk publicly on antis or people who don't share their viewpoints, which imo makes them just as bad! If someone's out there being awful to people who don't ship their problematic ships, then it's just as bad!

This is also why I don't do any DNIs or anything like that. If I see someone start to follow me and they have big obvious "PROSHIP DNI" in their info, then I will go ahead and block them, but otherwise I'm not interested in policing who can interact with me in that way. It's not for me to decide whether someone else wants to interact with me, it's on you to decide if you want to.

I'm not gonna be going out and ripping on people who dislike a ship I like, or who engage with art in a different way to me. However, if I come across posts in my tracked tags or on my dash expressing anti sentiments, or going on a negative rant about something I love, then I will also probably unfortunately be blocking that person. I don't like seeing negativity about shit I love on my dash or in the tags (really, does anybody? lol) so I'm proactive about that because a) it depresses me, and b) I spent a long time in the ffxiv fandom, where people think liking Garleans makes you a nazi apologist, and where they love to go on ranting screeds about how my favourite characters should die painfully, and I'm honestly not about that in my fandom life.

Anyway, all this to say: if you're comfortable interacting with me, a Marius/Armand bitch who does indeed enjoy their fucked up relationship because of how fucked up it is (and finds it incredibly sexy, actually), then I'm fine with you interacting with me. I'm not gonna be sharing or posting about that specific ship anyway, and I'm certainly not gonna be awful about people who find it distasteful or triggering or even just plain don't like it for whatever reason. It won't make me uncomfortable in any way to interact with you because you engage with those things in a different way to me, as long as you don't also engage in the other activities I discussed further up.

Sorry this got so long, anon! Hopefully it all makes sense. As an aside, I'm not interested in having any debates about these issues with anyone and will not be engaging with arguments about it. Sensible discussion, yes. Arguments, discourse and wank? No. Thank you for understanding! 💚

[collegetennisoriginstory]

Calling Hogwarts houses one-dimentional is simply incorrect. The four houses represent the strongest trait of each individual, not that they only have one personality.

Harry is brave but also cunning & resourceful.

Hermione is known as both smart and brave.

Ron always looks out for his friends on top of being brave.

Neville, most notable example, is widely believed that he suits Hufflepuff more but that's not true, because he's brave first and foremost.

You might have beef with JK (I do too, same as many HP fans) but you're just wrong about the one dimension thingy. That ask wants to know ROs' strongest trait but you combine the houses so it's two traits instead of one.

NOTE: I absolutely do not condone Rowling as a person/author/her transphobic stance and the antisemitic caricatures rampant in her works. As for continuing to engage and, in fact, critique the work / the world she has created, while also prefacing deep disagreement and disappointment on her personal views, I feel there is space for this as explanation of why we disagree with a person is always more useful and constructive than simple erasure. See more on this here.

Heya! I totally agree and can get behind the idea that the houses take the strongest trait of an individual.

My main beef(s):

The Hogwarts houses would be much better representations of character if they represented the "why" (WHY is someone brave, why is someone ambitious) instead of the "what"

Another thing—if I were to choose, I'd choose 4 traits that are: (a) as distinguishable from each other as possible, and also (b) when combined, cover most of the major ways of viewing and interacting with the world. I don't think Hogwarts houses adequately meet either of those criteria. For me, the Hogwarts house traits picked are kind of... boring. They do not satisfyingly explain / do justice to the characters. I'd pick other traits. I've tried to explain this under the cut a bit more.

Btw, it's been a while since I've read the books and I was a kid then, so i could be WILDLY wrong and would welcome a discussion about this, I'm a huge personality nerd and I love character analyses, so pleease take this as friendly happy discussion (I'm a G in this sense) rather than an argument :)

Argument 1: Traits picked are iffy and weird

What is Ravenclaw's main defining characteristic, exactly? 😂 Like, alright, the rest I get. But I think the main issue with ALL of Rowling's Ravenclaws feeling like "oh smart nerdy" is because the house itself and how it's defined / the trait that is 'headlining' the house is pretty weak in the first place.

Argument 2: Traits picked get at the "what" but not the "why" and hence are less interesting to me on a character-defining/representation basis

Bravery is often inflected with so many other impulses—are you being brave because you care about your tribe/your loved ones more than your own life? Or are you brave because of your ideals, because forging a 'better world' or the 'greater good' (however you define this) matters more to you than individual lives? The former is very close to the 'sense of loyalty' that so defines Hufflepuff. The latter is very close to the ambition that defines Slytherin.

More on ambition:

Before we start, ambition, or Slytherin's main trait, is defined in my brain as: willingness to sacrifice people/things for what they see to be the 'overarching thing'. Whether we think of the particular person as redeemable or evil is dependent on what the 'overarching thing' is:

Themselves / their own wellbeing = evil

Their loved ones (e.g. like Malfoy) = redeemable, rather gryffindor-ian in nature

An even a bigger dream ('the greater good') = redeemable

Herein lies my beef: the reason behind someone's willingness to sacrifice the 'small' thing for the overarching thing (see above) is more interesting and telling of a person's character to me than the choice to sacrifice the small thing or be ambitious or whatever. Hence, I'd do the sorting by the "why" rather than the resulting action "what/how", if that makes sense. That would better capture some of the nuances that you mentioned in your post re: Harry, Hermione, Ron, and also the Hufflepuffs and Slytherins.

Example using the CT:OS character houses I picked

Rayyan's "Gryfferin"-ness is rooted in a willingness to ruthlessly but also bravely, unflinchingly, sacrifice other things for the things they think matter (e.g. people they love, their dreams etc.) which differs from Tobin's "Gryffinpuff"-ness, where their bravery and loyalty is more outward-facing and expansive.

Rayyan seeks to protect their own, while Tobin seeks to make the entire space / world around them better through their actions).

Contrast this to G's ambition and willingness to sacrifice the 'small detail' for the 'overall/big picture'—G's impulse is more objective, impersonal, abstract (it's based on utilitarian principle) and the desire to seek the best outcome in a very... logical way (hence the inflection of the Ravenclaw), rather than the fiery emotion/subjectivity/loyalty-based nature of Rayyan's willingness to sacrifice 'other things' for what they know to be right/true/important to them.

Hope that provides some elaboration on why I griped about Rowling's houses in my previous post haha, and thanks for the message. The length and detail clearly got out of hand HAHA but more because I'm interested in the question and less because I think you're wrong! :)

[eevvvaa]

Hi !

SO ! I recently reached 302 followers and to thank you all for following me, I decided to follow @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone's advice and created a little challenge for you. I tried to make it as easy as possible for you to enjoy it and set free your creativity ! I picked some movies I like, chose quotes and created tropes from them for you to use in your fics.

You can either :

Mention a movie in the fic one way or another

Use a quote from a movie

Use the trope based on a movie

Do all three

You can also mix and match and pick a quote from one movie and a trope from another. Whatever gets your imagination and creativity going ! Feel free to pick what inspires you 😇

As for the fics, you can write about whoever and whatever you want. Any fictional characters or real person. I mostly read Supernatural and The Boys fanfic, but you're welcome to write about another fandom, Jensen Ackles' other characters or actor/actress if you'd like to !

Here's the list :

• Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade

Quotes :

"You lost today, kid. But that doesn't mean you have to like it.”

"You say this has been just another typical day for you huh?" "No. It's been better than most."

"Is there anyone here who speaks English? Or maybe even ancient Greek?"

"Are you crazy ? Don't go between them." "Go between them. Are you crazy ?"

Trope :

Being manipulated by/manipulating the enemy

• The Hangover

Quotes :

"What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."

"You are literally too stupid to insult."

"Am I missing a tooth ?"

"Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon."

Trope :

Not remembering the night before

• Tangled

Quotes :

"You should know that this is the strangest thing I’ve ever done!"

"So, I made the decision to trust you.""A horrible decision, really."

"Let’s just assume everyone in here doesn’t like me."

"You broke my smolder!"

Trope :

Realizing someone's dream

• Back To The Future

Quotes :

"I finally invent something that works!"

"If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything."

"I've never seen purple underwear before."

"He's a very strange young man."

Trope :

Going back in time

• Crazy Stupid Love

Quotes :

"Ew. Friend to friend. Ew."

"You think I'm the perfect combination of sexy and cute ?"

"I'm going to help you rediscover your manhood. Do you have any idea where you could have lost it ?"

"I'm wildly unhappy, and I'm trying to buy it, and it's not working."

Trope :

One Night Stand

~~~~~~~~

To participate, you just have to send me an ask with what you wanna use. You can join the celebration whenever you want and cancel your participation whenever you want too, if needed. This is supposed to be fun, easy and something enjoyable without any pressure. You're free to write anything that inspires you, in the length you want. Tag me in your fic and use #eevvvaa302celebration within your first five tags, so I can find you easily.

The no no are of course : non-con, incest... you got the idea

I'm putting the deadline at January 24th (So we can all remember the date 😉) but if you need more time, I'm cool with it !

Once again, thank you all ! Feel free to participate if you like. And if you don't, you still deserve a big kiss 💋

[hms-no-fun]

one thing i'm curious about is if you're currently reading / drawing inspiration from any other contemporary HS fanworks. i know KITTYQUEST just dropped its epilogue like less than a week ago, so it's definitely a big era for Homestuck Fanworks That Have Jade Harley Have Kids lmaoooo

i may talk a big game about how you can't hope to substantively discuss what homestuck *is* without also examining its fanworks, but unfortunately i am myself woefully under-read and out of date. i kinda stopped reading homestuck fanworks after 2020 because. well. at the risk of getting into the weeds of fandom drama. all the ones i really liked stopped updating when the fandom environment turned from passively toxic to aggressively poisonous, and there was at least a 50/50 chance that the creator of any given active fanwork was either with or supported the group of people who wielded that poison.

that feeling is far less prominent now but i am still skeptical any time a new homestuck fanwork gets popular. they have to pass a litmus test first: is this person shitty or weird about the epilogues/hs2? they don't have to have liked either work necessarily, they just have to acknowledge that those works exist, have influence, and are worth talking about, even if they personally don't want to do the talking. god this all sounds so petty, but people lost jobs over what happened. i don't think i can have a positive interaction with anyone who is simply unwilling to have an in-depth conversation about the contents of a text without feeling the need to pass objective moral judgments at every turn, nor do i think i will get much out of the fanworks such a person might produce. so i save us all the trouble and don't bother!

that said, i quite like Kittyquest. i'm way behind on it though, as i am on everything. that Kitty showed up not too long after Yiffy actually inspired me to create Edie, because i love the idea of "Jade's Daughter" being this extraordinarily flexible archetype. it feels like kind of a combo-breaker considering how rigid homestuck's archetypes typically are. i also very much admire Kittyquest's commitment to fleshing out the culture and history of Earth C, especially in the ways it seems to deliberately break from what we've seen of it in post-canon. the lack of worldbuilding the epilogues is one of its biggest weaknesses in my opinion, so i always like it when a story tries to pick up that slack. the artstyle being so divorced from homestuck's yet still somehow indebted to it really encouraged me to try different things with the types of images we started putting into godfeels. what i love about post-canon broadly is just how varied it is artistically, stylistically. i think it's good and compelling and healthy that so much art in this space is willing to play with these things in such constructive ways.

the other contemporary fanwork that really has influence on godfeels is Vast Error. which i am also behind on. but Snowbound Blood is a personal favorite whose tone (at its best) matches the vibes i'm going for in 3.2. the biggest i guess Thing for me wrt Vast Error is how different its universe engine session is from what we saw in homestuck. its logic, its mechanics, its purpose-- the whole thing is so alien, and yet it has Prospit and Derse, it has Spades Slick and other such guys, it has Skaia, so there's clear continuity. if we imagine the universe engine as a procedurally generated video game, these commonalities suggest that there are stable constants in the formula. it was that alongside all the other wildly different fansessions on MSPFA that started the gears turning which would eventually lead to the EWL. the idea of an organization of castoffs from the infinite fanontinuum of alternate sessions, who study the constants and variables across countless UE instances and build squads of sailors who specialize in particular behavioral clusters. oh this session has an overpowered Jack making it unviable? send in the Jills, they'll show him what's what.

i guess if there's a thread here it's that i'm most inspired by what metatextual trends suggest about the hypothetical Ultimate Self of any given homestuck narrative convention. i'm not saying that's a good thing but i guess it has worked out okay so far.

i could shout out other fanworks that i haven't read but i think i would rather hear from y'all. what's out there right now? what's good? i should probably catch up

[smilingangel582]

I never written for these cuties... I fact I love all the couples in sekaiichi hatsukoi! But I wish Rit-chan wasn't being too difficult with Takano. I'm so in love with that guy! And man, Hatori is hot! So good with cutie Chiaki! Ahhh, anyway, I'm gonna write one for little Kisa and sweet Yukina! They r my weakness for some reason neehee.

Cute as a button

Yukina Kou began to flip the pages of the manga Kisa Shouta edited. He was fascinated by it and read it like it was the last time he got to read a manga again. Kisa was back from a shower since work had gotten in his way.

He began to give a weary look to Yukina, who was reading them with a bright smile on his face.

"Yukina... didn't you read that already?"

"Hmm?" Yukina hummed, not giving a proper answer as he kept reading it and sitting crossed leg by the book shelf.

Kisa sighed now, but seeing how Yukina was reading it, he looked like an absolute child. This was noticed by Yukina as his sharp eyes turned to Kisa, alluringly "Kisa-san, you're staring..."

He blushed midly before looking away "N-not really I just got off a hot bath" he was attempting to flee to the kitchen, excusing himself so he could make dinner.

"Anyway, what should I make -ack!"

Arms wrapped around his middle and pulled him back down to the ground with Yukina now flipping their positions who was on top of Kisa.

Kisa was exploding with many shocking thoughts "Ahh... Y-Yukina? What's going on?"

"Ne, Kisa-san, your so cute"

He was blushing even more wildly now. "Uh-where did that c-come from?"

He grinned yukina watched him melt into a blushing puddle as he covered his face. How could he call him cute when he's thirty? Fuck... he can't let Yukina see more of this embarrassing sides.

"Well... um, I'm thirty you know..."

"And...?" Slowly, his position was clearly to pin kisa down by grabbing his wrists and pulling a leg over his waist to straddle him. Kisa looked away with a red face as Yukina leaned forward his nose touch his cheek.

"I'm not cute... OK?"

"Cute... admit it..." Yukina whispered to his ear.

"N-no..."

"Are you suuure~?"

Stubborning lifted his face so their noses met, and he shook his head. "Make me..." Then tried to add, though timidity was clear in his tone."Kid..."

Gawking at this boldness, Yukina smirked, "Hm, I don't know Kisa-san... you shouldn't have agreed to something you can't keep up with"

"What do you meHEHAAN!" A surprised squeal left his lips when Yukina pinched his waist now releasing his right wrist during the procedure.

"Um... w-wait... Y-yuhuhukina?" He giggled as the little squeeze suddenly crawled up under his shirt teasingly. Kisa was crumbling instantly with giggles.

"Gah! Ahahaha, hohohold ohohon! Yuuhuhuhukiii!" He was high pitch in tone now, a kid by heard as he stumbled with giggles.

"My, my... you can yourself thirty but aren't giggling like a five year old?"

"Gahahaa, who's gihihihigling??"

Humming playfully, he poked his ribs, now releasing both arms just to get his finger his shirt, grabbing any sensitive skin he can reach.

"Nohoho, cuhuhut it out! Ahahaha, " he curled to the side as he embraced his sides. He can't believe a guy younger than him was tickling the shit out of him. He was an old man! This is a college kid! What is wrong with this world?!

Cooing, Yukina had a strong hold as he teased him. "Who's a little cutie... aren't you cute as a button?"

Blushing more, Kisa shook his head, pushing his hands off to curl onto a giggly ball. He watched Yukina grab his wrists again and then use his lips to shower tickly kisses on his neck.

Yukina didn't expect such adorable snuffs of giggles that escape from.Kisa as be curled and squirmed with a whiny titter "Nahahaha ehehenough!" His voice got cute.

Yukina blushed in excitement. "So... cute! I bet that no shojo manga can make a person this endearing"

"Ahahaha enough AHAHAHA NOHOHOT THEHEHERE!" He shrieked now, jolting to the side immediately. His armpits were attacked and Yukina was having the time of his life "Wow... your cuteness is illegal right now..."

"NAHAHAHA!"

"If you want me to stop tickling there, then you gotta saaaay~?" He taunted as he gave a frivolous wiggle deeper into the hot spot. Kisa's squeal and giggles shifted to cackles as he banged his heels on the ground, now trying to escape the death of laughter.

"AhAHAHA FIHIHINE! I AHAHAHAM CUTE! STOHOHOP THAT ALREADY!"

upon the magic word, Yukina stopped, smiling gently when Kisa curled close to him, like a child, with little chuckles and giggles left over. Yukina kissed his head and said, "Aren't you glad that you're cute as a button?"

Kisa blushed as he looked away. "W-Well... I can be your cute button, but..."

Yukina gasped in happiness, embracing him even more before he could continue any further "Really??? Can you be my button?

He felt more kisses shower him, and it made Kisa giggle and kick his legs briefly. "Yehees.. yes... but ohonlihiy for yohou."

"I love you, my cute button, Shouta!" He poked his nose, and Kisa flushed with shyness.

"U-Um... me too, Kou, I love you too"

[just-some-random-blogger]

Resident Himbo: Operation Heartbreaker

Lee Jeno x Reader + Kim Doyoung x Reader

Summary: You were whipped for the senior in your PE class, and one of your classmates catch on, designating himself as your personal wingman, unprompted. The resident himbo teaming up with a love sick puppy could only mean one thing: events will end horribly.

Word Count: 3k+

Warnings: gender neutral!reader, university au,puppy!jeno, cool kid!doyoung, fluff, pining, jealousy, typos, angst etc.

A/N: I havent written anything for kpop lately but since i recently read a frat fic, it made me miss making uni aus and im about to do something about that. Tagging: @pinksirensong hi bestie lol idk if you even know/like kpop but i'm tagging you anyway HAHAHAHH jeno is the one on the left and doyoung is the one on the right and that's all you need to know <3

I was crouched down, hands on my knees, catching my breath as I watched the dudes on the court duke it out in the most intense game of dodgeball I have ever had the displeasure of ever being part of ever.

"So," the voice of the meathead I knew as Jeno calls from my side. I turn to him, lips parted as I heaved. He grinned as he looked down at me, the crescent moons on his eyes endearing as ever, "Doyoung, huh?"

I knit my brows at him as I pushed back the feel of butterflies in my stomach at the sound of the name he said.

He crosses his arms, his toned muscles on full display in his muscle tee, "you totes have crush on him, doncha?"

My spirit leaves my body in this moment. I could not hide it.

I straighten up at his words. I look at him with wide eyes as my mind raced, wondering wildly, racking my brain intensely, at how Lee Jeno, with all his muscle mass and lack thereof in brain power, managed to put that together.

Poke me in the eyes and smack me in the throat was I that obvious?!

Jeno watches me tense. He begins to frown at it, not expecting the reaction. He begins to feel bad. He drops his arms to the side and opens his mouth to start apologizing. He doesn't have the chance to however.

"Am I that obvious?" I question, turning to him, grabbing his toned bicep.

Jeno immediately beams, raising a finger at me, "no, I'm just really quick with these things!"

My face drops. He cannot be for real right now.

Jeno recognizes my look. He raises one hand, his other darts to his chest, "I swear. I might be stupid but I have a pretty good gauge on these sort of things."

I frown at his words as he calls, "scout's honor!"

"Jeno," I sigh, "you're not stupid. Slow, yes, but if anyone ever called you a meathead in anyway other than affectionately, you tell me and I will chew their head off."

He snorts, dropping his hands, nodding.

I suck in a deep breath as I turn back to the court where the 4 seniors were still very much screaming at each other; the poor 2 remaining freshmen, caught in the frenzy of it all, were fighting for their lives.

Jeno's eyes crinkle at the sight. He claps his hands and cheers, cupping his mouth as he called, "GO JOHN! CRUSH YONGIE LIKE A PANCAKE!"

I scowl at his simile and side eye him, eyes darting back to the apple of my eye, Doyoung, who throws a ball at poor Minji, who gets hit on the shoulder and sadly retreats to the side with the rest of the class.

"Sorry, pretty girl!" Doyoung calls casually, the way he does with everyone.

The group of girls, Minji included, squeal at his words. Oh, to be called pretty by Doyoung.

Jeno turns to me, nudging me with his shoulder when he catches my face, "duddddeee, you're so whipped."

I shoot him a glare. His face beams brighter than the damn sun.

I huff. He throws an arm around my shoulder, "don't worry, doll face," he crushes me against him, "I got a plan for you. We'll call it-

OPERATION HEARTBREAKER!"

I furrow my brows at Jeno, who pulled back and jumped, raising his hands up at me excitedly. The corner of his lips are pulled from ear to ear, his teeth are on full display.

I release a sigh as he straightens up and throws an arm around my shoulder again, beginning to go into detail about his plan for me.

Sweet lord and all the angels in heaven, how long has this boy been thinking this through?... ... ... I didn't know he could think this hard...

Operation Heartbreaker: Phase 1 (Soda Bottle)

"Jeno, please, this is so first grade," I sigh as I grip the cold can in my hands and repel Jeno as he pushes me from behind, "also, who drinks soda when they're thirsty?"

Jeno, who was all at once using his strength against me, yet also obviously holding back from using his full force, manages to make me step a few more paces towards Doyoung, who was seated next to Jaehyun, watching the rest of the second round of dodgeball play out.

"You do!" he says, just as I jolt forward, making both Doyoung and Jaehyun turn to me.

My eyes widen at the attention. I turn back and shake my head, "no, I dont, no, I don't, no, I don't--"

"He does!" Jeno stops me, grabbing both my shoulders, "look, let's just casually sit next to them, and then you say, 'hey, Do, wan'a soda?' If he says no, no biggie! Say, oh ok, 'can you just open this for me then'."

"Okay, first of all, no one calls him Do-"

Jeno sighs, placing his hand on his waist.

"Second of all, I-"

"Second of all, if you don't do this, I'm going to use you as a human shield in the next round of dodgeball."

I narrow my eyes at him, "you wouldn't."

"I don't know," he dramatically looks around, "I've been feeling real unathletic because of you."

I punch his arm. He grips it as he chuckles, making a fake pained face. The next thing he does, he grabs my free hand and drags me against my will.

It's happening.

"Hey dudes," Jeno calls casually. Doyoung and Jaehyun greet Jeno with a high-five handshake.

I follow suit, greeting the two seniors, who proceed to smile at me and say my name in regard.

Jeno motions that I sit next to Doyoung. I awkwardly clear my throat as I do so, hands probably colder than the soda I was cradling for dear life.

When Jeno sits next to me, he elbows me so roughly I crash onto Doyoung. The latter turns to me in concern. I quickly apologize to him as I feel my face heat up at the encounter.

Doyoung's eyes fall to the soda in my hand, "oh, that's my favorite flavor."

I blink rapidly at him, stomach in a whirlpool at the sight of his smile.

"Want me to open it for you?" the absolute love of my life offers, unprompted.

My jaw slacks. I make an unknown sound. I dumbly offer him the object, wishing offering my love to him was just as easy and simple.

Jeno turns away as he watches the encounter, unable to hold the pleased giggles that leave him over the fact his plan was going well.

Doyoung takes the can from me, moving it away from us as he opens it cautiously, in case it explodes everywhere.

Jaehyun stands to his feet, hollering in amusement when at Donghyuck was hit by a ball to the noggin.

Doyoung hands me my drink with a soft smile as he breaks into a loud laugh, joining Jaehyun as he stands and points at their friend, who was dramatically sprawled out on the floor, waving his hand out as he asked someone to call an ambulance for him, or that he gets a 100 mark in this activity.

I nearly choke on the soda I was drinking when Jeno turns to me and nudges me once more. I pull the drink away, some of it spills on my clothes. Jeno throws his arms around my shoulder as he mutters excitedly under his breath, "you did it, dude! You did it!"

Operation Heartbreaker: Phase 5 (Lunch)

Jeno cranes his neck. Mark and Jaemin watch him, giving him weird looks as he does so.

"Dude, what the heck are you doing?" Jaemin asks, popping a french fry in his mouth.

"Who are you looking for?" Mark says as he cranes his own neck, looking in the direction Jeno was.

"Shh," Jeno presses a finger to his lips, "I'm watching to see if- homaygosh- it's happening, it's happening, everyone shut up, it's happening."

"Bro, what are you talking about?" Mark turns to Jeno.

Jeno merely shushes him louder, eyes locked on the situation playing out in the other side of the cafeteria, just past the crowd flocking by the food stall.

"Hey, Doyoung," I huff, willing my shoulders down as the tall, dark haired man, wearing the sweater I absolutely loved on him, turns to me. Doyoung smiles in his blue top, "hey."

Lord, take me now.

I ignore his friend, Taeyong, who looks at me then looks away, muttering something to Taeil beside him.

Shut it, they are so not talking about you. Overthinking anxiety begone!

"What are you thinking of getting?" Doyoung asks, snapping me out of my trance, as he turns tries to steal a look of the food on the food stall a few feet away from us.

I suck in a breath then sigh, "I, uh... I'm not sure... but uh..."

My breath hitches when Doyoung turns back to me.

I grip my fists tightly, biting my lower lip before I continued, "do you mind if I eat lunch with you today?"

Doyoung blinks at the question.

I begin to panic when he immediately does not agree like what Jeno told me he would do, "I... I-I-I just- I don't have anyone to eat with, so I thought..."

Doyoung knit his brows then turns away, proceeding to scan the room. His lips curve into a soft smile. He points behind me, "isn't that Jeno?"

"W-what?"

I think I went into the next life when Doyoung grabs my shoulders and spins me around, "Jeno. Your best friend?"

Jeno looks at me with wide eyes from the other side of the room.

My heart races, "he's- he's not- he's not my best friend."

"Oh," Doyoung pulls away, "what is he then?"

I turn back to Doyoung, unable to answer when I find he is slightly leaned over, and his face is so close to mine. He straightens back, face contorting to that of mischief, "no, wait, don't tell me. Is he your boyfriend?"

I am mortified.

"Yo, what?" Jaehyun busts out out of nowhere, "you're dating Jeno?" He comes to my side, extending a hand out to me. I take it, against myself, as he bro slaps me on the shoulder, "hardcore, dude." Jaehyun pulls away and the rest of my braincells are taken with him, "that dude is whipped for you, man," he says, "bro follows you like a puppy. It bemega cute."

Doyoung turns to Jaehyun, lips slightly curving at his words. His expression falters when he turns back to me. He calls my name in concern, "are you alright?"

I turn to Doyoung, faking a smile. I don't note on the matter as I push him back when the line begins to move. I evade the question altogether, "oh look, they have pasta!"

Operation Heartbreaker: Phase 7 (Volunteer)

"Look," Jeno sighs, "just because phase 5 backfired, doesn't mean you should give up on him."

"Jeno-"

"Yeah, phase 6 was iffy, but it happens when you throw pickup lines. You never know what's gonna work. Phases 1 through 4 were stellar though!"

I stop in my tracks, heaving slightly, since we were in the middle of running laps in PE. I throw Jeno a look, making him halt a few steps in front of me. I begin to jog again as I rant, "phase 2 nearly cost me my head."

"Ok, that's a little dramatic, considering you barely did anything while being on Doyoung's team."

"Johnny spiked a ball to my face," I quip, "you know, Johnny, the six foot tall giant that was on the highschool volleyball team!!"

"And your prince charming saved you!"

I roll my eyes, "yeah, and phase 3 was anything but stellar, considering I tripped on my way over to ask Doyoung if he wanted to walk together to the gym."

"But he said yes though!" Jeno calls, "I'm 99.9% sure he thought it was cute. I saw the whole thing from the bushes!"

"Jeno-"

"Hey, I thought it was cute."

"Please, you think anything is cute," I whine, "because you're a meathead!"

Jeno purses his lips.

I tear my gaze from in front of me to my right when he does not answer. I nudge him, "affectionately."

He huffs, "I know."

Part of me feels bad when he pouts.

"Don't even get me started on phase 4, Jeno."

"Look, I'm sorry he thinks we're dating, but I'm telling you, this is going to work. Doyoung always gets called back to do the attendance because Mr. Kim is his coach and he's the captain of the football team. So, just go up to him while he's doing rounds and volunteer to help."

I sigh, shaking my head, "I don't know, Jeno."

"Just, just, please, trust me on this."

Jeno watches me sigh. He breaks into a grin when I agree under my breath.

Operation Heartbreaker: Phase 7.5?

"Hey, Jeno," Doyoung calls just before Jeno could leave.

He was in the middle of wiping his sweat when he turned to Doyoung, "oh, hey, Do, what's up?"

Doyoung cringes, pointing a finger, "I told you not to call me that."

Jeno smriks, shrugging, "I think it's cute."

Doyoung rolls his eyes at the thought. He turns over his shoulder when he hears laughter behind him. Jeno looks out too, smiling at the sight of you and Jaehyun messing around with Donghyuck.

Doyoung turns back to Jeno, curved lips flattening into a line. He motions vaguely, "are you two dating?"

Jeno snaps out of his trance, face falling from the amusement as he turns back to Doyoung, "what?"

Doyoung tilts his head, shifting in his spot, "Jaehyun said you were and it got me thinking, although, he is pretty thoughtless."

Jeno snorts, "lol."

"I just-" Doyoung asked, "I mean, it's become quite clear to me that I'm being doted on and... I don't know, I've been catching myself enjoying the attention."

Jeno perks at the admission, "what? Wow. That's great!"

Doyoung chuckles, narrowing his eyes, "is it?"

"Yeah, dude! I'm so happy for you both."

Doyoung is taken aback when Jeno moves over to give him a side hug and a pat on the shoulder, "I'm glad you finally caught the puppy dog stares."

Doyoung watches Jeno. He hums in thought for a moment before asking, "and you haven't caught your own?"

Jeno tilts his head. He clearly doesn't get it.

Doyoung sees the pure disconnect in his face. He sighs, "forget it, dude," he pats Jeno on the shoulder, "see you next week."

Operation Heartbreaker: Phase 10 (Ask Him Out!)

I slam my milk tea cup on the table, "I'm going to do it."

Mark, who was sat next to me on my left, slams his hand on the table dramatically, "hell yeah!"

Jeno, who was sat in front of me, looks between us in utter confusion, "wait, what? What's happening? What are you going to do?"

"Phase 10. I'm going to ask him out!" I beam, nodding my head firmly.

Jeno's confused face contorts into a pout, "oh. Oh, okay."

Jaemin, next to Jeno, in front of Mark, throws me a look, "aren't you two dating already?"

I feel my face catch on fire at Jaemin's words.

"Dude," Jaemin rolls his eyes, "you've been hanging out with him so much that I nearly forgot about your stupid phase-phase bullshit, considering how long you've put it off too."

"Yo," Mark calls, "no but like Jeno was a total genius for that thoughhhh!" Mark extends his hand out to Jeno, who cautiously takes his hand into a high-five handshake, "you gotta set me up with someone too, bro."

Jeno evidently looks bothered by the idea. I swat Mark away, making him recoil his hand.

Jaemin narrows his eyes at me, "why are you even hanging out with us today? Don't you eat lunch with Doyoung now?"

"Jeno asked me to eat with him."

"And you said yes?" Jaemin questions.

I give him a look, "yeah. Do you normally just invite yourself to people's lunch tables?"

"I don't need an invite because Jeno and I are friends," he says, throwing an arm over the said man.

"Are you saying we're not?" I raise my brows at him.

"Exactly," Jaemin points, pulling his arm away from Jeno.

Jeno turns to his right, "hey!"

"Yeah," I agree, "hey! We are totally friends."

Jeno nods.

Jaemin rolls his eyes, taking a big scoop of his yogurt, "ok, morons, whatever you say."

Mark narrows his eyes at Jaemin. Something was up with that dude and his tone, Mark could feel it.

Later that day, I was running through the halls, with a singular thought in mind, finding Lee Jeno.

I bolted through the crowds of people that were eager to get home. I release a huff when I get to Jeno's classroom. I curse under my breath when I find it's empty.

I rack my brain, then the next second, I think I know exactly where he'd be this moment.

I break into a grin when I spot him, Mark, and Jaemin, hanging out by the benches under a tree, "Jeno!"

I chuckle to myself when I catch Jeno practically perk to life upon hearing my call.

He stands from his spot on the bench when he catches me running over to him. He looks at me in concern, walking a few steps over to meet me as I near.

"Hey," I sigh, stopping once I'm before him.

"Hey," he says in a much different manner, brows furrowed in concern, "is everything alright?"

I nod, knitting my brows at the sight of him. I place a hand on his shoulder, "yeah, no, everything is fine, don't worry."

Jeno shakes his head, "aren't you supposed to be hanging out with Doyoung?"

"Yeah," I purse my lips, "but I have something really important to tell you."

Jaemin, who was listening in on our entire conversation, as was Mark next to him, leans on his lap and narrows his eyes, "you ditched Doyoung?"

I turn to him, but then back to Jeno who lights up and mutters, "really? You wanted to see me? I... what is it?"

I take in the glimmer of his eyes and break into a smile, feeling my heart soar at the sight of him. I take both of his hands in mine as I blurt, "I asked him out!"

Jeno blinks. He stills, then his eyes widen.

I huff out a chuckle at his confusion, then clarify, "Doyoung! I asked Doyoung out!"

One of Jeno's eyes narrow, "oh!" he says awfully flatly, "wow!"

I knit by brows at his reaction, releasing his hands, "yeah. I actually caught him after lunch and asked him on a whim," I laugh to myself when I recall the encounter, "he threw his head back in laughter and said he was about to ask me later today," I shake my head in excitement, "I guess it all worked out in the end!"

Jeno's lips part. He says nothing for a moment then he pulls his lips into smile, and yet his eyes don't form the crescents they normally do, "oh, yeah. Wow... that's totally wild," he chuckles softly, "good for you... bro."

I raise my brows at his reaction.

Jeno mentally curses.

When Jeno raises his fists and finally beams at me, I feel reinvigorated. I beam back and throw my arms around him, sealing him into a tight hug. I feel him tense against me, but I did not want to pull away yet, so I allow myself just a few more seconds.

Jeno catches himself and how he reacts. He jolts back when the embrace is cut short just when he was about to lean into it. He clears his throat to play it off.

"Thank you, Jeno," I smile, "I... I couldn't have done any of this without you."

Jeno feels his chest constrict in a manner that was both sweet and bitter. Jeno catches himself again. He really was a meathead. His lips break into a soft smile. He nods his head slowly, "anything for you."

I chuckle at the sentiment, punching his shoulder playfully, "don't say that, or else I'll abuse my power and make you buy me, like, 100 doughnuts."

Jeno turns to his feet as muttering to himself lowly, "I'll buy you 1000."

"Well," I purse my lips, "I'm gonna get going now. Doyoung is gonna drive me home."

Jeno turns to me, forehead wrinkled.

"I told him to wait for me, since I had to talk to you."

Jeno doesn't react to this. Jaemin does though, "how sweet."

The sardonic tone is muted out.

I tent my hands in front of me, "isn't he?"

Mark leans back on the bench, "oof."

I look between the three of them, face contorting at the grim looks on their faces. I decide not to note on this and raise my hand out as I wave them goodbye, "see you kids tomorrow then."

Jaemin and Mark greet me goodbye. Jeno only nods as he smiles softly. I smile back at him before walking away.

Something settles in Jeno's gut once he is left standing alone.

Jaemin sighs, standing next to Jeno, placing a hand on his shoulder after he deflates.

Mark stands too, mimicking the sentiment, "duuuuuuuude."

Jeno straightens up.

"I told you you weren't friends," Jaemin says.

Extremely unlike him, Jeno feels standoffish, "I don't know what you mean, Jaemin."

Jeno rolls his shoulders back. Jaemin and Mark pull their hands away because of it.

Jeno sits back in his spot, releasing a heavy sigh.

Mark and Jaemin turn to each other, the former says again, this time sadder, "dude."

[void-of-unparalled-chaos]

This whole civil war on reading vs not reading comics is baffling to me. Like honestly this whole arguement is stupid.

Full disclosure before people come after me: I am a comic reader! I love reading comics (although I havent been able to read nearly as many as I would like)

Anyway yeah my whole 2 cents on this.

On one hand, I get why avid comic readers are annoyed. You're favorite character being what you perceive as wildly misinterpreted and being unable to find the content you want is annoying. But also it's so easy to just... click off? Like no one is forcing you to read it, just go find a different work instead of complaing to the author or whatever.

Also, comic characters have been written and rewritten by so many people and have had so many changes to their storylines and personality that a lot of stuff being argued as "not canon" very likely could have been at some point! And that's not even talking about other media like shows and movies.

The first example that comes to mind is Superboy (Conner "Kon" Kent). Comic Kon and Young Justice Cartoon Kon are drastically different in both personality and appearance. Comic Kon is the most bisexual coded person I've ever seen and Cartoon Kon is a grumpy asshole who looks like he stepped straight out of bootcamp. But guess what? Regardless of which one you like most both are canon in DC!

As far as I'm concerned, comic timelines and characters are a mess with or without other media types and we should be allowed to pick and choose whatever traits we want from it. Do I want Kon to have bisexual hair? Yes! Am I ignoring that Batman beats his kids in some runs? Also yes!

And because I saw a few complaints like these once before I'm going to address them.

"Character A can't be into this. It only happened like 1 time in the comics!"

Yeah but it happened. If people want to take that little hint of a trait and expand on it then power to them!

"Character A never actually had this role or did this so stop writing them like that!"

It's called a headcanon or an AU. This may be surprising to you, but both of these are common in fandom spaces. If that headcanon or AU is popular it's because people obviously like it. That person may not be you, and that's fine too! Just let them have their fun and leave to read something else.

And I'm not claiming to be innocent in all this btw! Lord knows I get loud and angry about many MCU fans' interpretation of Jake Lockley from Moon Knight. That being said, the reason I'm loud and angry isn't just "oh they made him less friendly and changed some personality traits". Its the fact that they interpret him as an "evil" alter which perpetuates hateful stereotypes about a very real and very stigmatized disorder with very little decent representation. The whole "Jake is an evil bloodthirsty alter" spreads those fearmongering ideas and has the potential to harm actual systems in the long run whether it's intended to or not. Disclaimer: I am not a system, but I do try my best to listen to what they have to say. By all means listen to their opinions on the situation over mine.

Even so, I don't go and yell directly at those creators. I click off. I don't have to read or look at their stuff if I don't want to.

Another complaint from comic readers I see a lot is "oh but it's so easy for them to just pick up a comic and read it! They are just being lazy/stubborn/etc." And honestly...

It's really not!

It took me YEARS to start reading comics because it was so overwhelming and I had no one to help me. Keeping track of all the comic runs is hard enough let alone actually finding and reading them. Comics are simply not well organized and it's hard to find a part to jump into when so many of them rely on prior knowledge.

"Well ask somebody who works at a comic bookstore!"

I did. He had no answers for me and looked like he would rather be talking to literally anyone else instead of a clueless 15 year old girl. Stepping into spaces like that can be intimidating in itself for a variety of reasons, let alone trying to ask for help. Online it's not always much better. So many people won't give an honest recommendation and others won't be specific enough. Many comic runs have similar titles, and honestly it's best if you just know the name of the writer.

Trying to break into comics is just genuinely difficult for a lot of people depending on their situations whether it be enviornmental, financial, or mental.

Also you can't just force someone to read the comics! If they don't want to and just want to watch the shows or absorb fanon content then that's their preference! You don't have to interact with it! Am I saying that no one should read comics? No! But I am saying that not everyone has the same accessibility and the way some comic readers treat these people isn't doing favors. Attacking them over stuff and getting annoyed at them isn't going to encourage them to pick up a comic and read it but rather push them away from something really fun.

Okay now that's out of the way, time for me to turn my sights on the "not reading" camp.

You can't just attack people for suggesting canonical content under your prompts. Unless they are being a dick about it. Then you can go ham. But if someone is coming in like "hey btw A is a thing that happens canonically and it might be fun to do!" then there is no reason for you to act like they just ate your baby!

It is also not completely unreasonable for someone to simply suggest that you try out a comic or two (provided that they are being polite and are actually willing to help you with clear reccomendations). There is no reason for you to get pissy at them, just as it is not a requirement for you to take up their advice. If you don't want to read it or can't currently that's fine, but just know that you have the potential to be introduced to something you really enjoy and that consuming canon content will more than likely help you with your writing!

[gaytothemaximum]

we all fall down- a fierrochase fan fiction (high school au) part one

As the last rays of the setting sun cast a warm, golden glow over the landscape, a lone figure could be seen hurling themselves off the highest branch of the old oak tree that stood proudly in the middle of the school's abandoned baseball field. Arms and legs flailing wildly in the air, the figure let out a primal scream that echoed through the silence, the sound of their anguish carrying on the gentle breeze. It was a sight that would have made even the most hardened of observers stop in their tracks, their curiosity piqued. But for Alex Fierro, the new kid at this godforsaken high school, this was just another day in the life.

Alex was born a boy, but these days she mostly went by she, though some days she identified more as a male. Genderfluid, sarcastic, and with a mouth that could make a sailor blush, Alex was used to standing out from the crowd. Her dyed green hair, which she wore in a messy topknot, and her mismatched amber and brown eyes only served to accentuate her already unique appearance. The only thing she hated more than being stared at was being ignored, which, given the fact that she was the only child of an abusive family, happened far more often than she'd care to admit.

Her half-sister, Sam, was a different story entirely. A Muslim girl with long, dark hair and a kind face, she was the only person in Alex's life who had ever truly cared for her. But even Sam had her own problems to deal with, like her new boyfriend Amir and her growing desire to fit in with the "popular" crowd. And then there was Magnus Chase, the awkward boy with the grey eyes and chin-length blonde hair that looked like Kurt Cobain's.

Alex didn't know what it was about Magnus that drew her attention, but there was something intriguing about him. Maybe it was the way he'd often sit by himself in the back of the classroom, lost in thought, or maybe it was the fact that he seemed to enjoy reading and theater, two things that Alex could really get into. Whatever it was, she found herself wanting to get to know him better, even if it meant risking further isolation from the rest of the students.

She hadn't expected him to approach her at the school dance, of all places. But there he was, standing in front of her, his shoulders slumped and his eyes darting around the room like a frightened animal. It was almost endearing. "Hey," he mumbled, fidgeting with the sleeve of his green hoodie. "I'm Magnus."

Alex forced a smile. "I know." She glanced around, hoping someone else would notice them and come over to rescue her from this incredibly awkward situation. But no such luck. "So, what do you want, Chase?" she asked, using his last name as a dig.

Magnus's eyes widened, and for a moment, Alex thought she'd gone too far. But then he let out a small laugh and said, "Just thought we could, you know, talk or something." His voice was soft and hesitant, but there was an underlying current of determination there as well. Alex couldn't help but feel a tiny spark of curiosity ignite inside her chest.

She glanced at him warily. "Okay... what do you want to talk about?"

Magnus shifted from one foot to the other, clearly uncomfortable. "Well... I just wanted to say that I've seen you around, and I think you're kind of cool. And I know we don't really hang out with the same crowd or anything, but I thought maybe we could be friends, or something."

Alex blinked, surprised by his candidness. "Friends?" she repeated, her voice tinged with skepticism. "With you?"

Magnus winced, obviously hurt by her words. "Look, I know I'm not the most popular kid in school, but I thought maybe... maybe you'd want someone to talk to." He gestured vaguely toward the dance floor, where the other students were laughing and dancing, oblivious to their conversation. "It's not like I have a lot of options, you know?"

Alex paused, considering his words. There was something genuine about Magnus, something that she couldn't quite put her finger on. And the truth was, she didn't have many friends either. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to give him a chance. With a sigh, she nodded. "Okay," she said. "I guess we can be friends."

Magnus's face lit up, and he grinned tentatively. "Really?"

"Yeah," Alex said, rolling her eyes. "Really. Now what do you want to talk about?"

[primeministerofantarctica]

A3! reading club: act one (chapter 1-6)

(cw: talking about parental neglect and abuse, orientalism, one mention of suicide)

Hey, ten out of twelve isn't bad, all things considered! This very well could have gone down in October. Also, since it's February (March if you wanna be generous), does that mean everyone in Harugumi's slightly younger than their Year One ages now? Ack, timelines are confusing.

Izumi casually talking about how Yukio neglected her and following it up with "well, it was probably because he loved this theater so much!" is. Oh, girl. No wonder she snapped when Sakyo suggested he'd abandoned Mankai, because if he hadn't loved it, then why did she have to go through with that?

I'm not versed enough in Japanese particles but I recognize "daijoubu" and Tsuzuru watching this trainwreck unfold and saying something along the lines of "are you guys, like, okay?" is extremely funny.

Then we get to Sakuya and Masumi's family situations, which. From a meta perspective, it makes sense to want to give your minor protagonists the freedom that having parents limits. That's why the trope of "young protagonist in kid's spec fic media is conveniently an orphan" is so common. (was? I think it's becoming less common now.) The problem lies in the lack of willingness to follow through with the emotional conflict it creates, or resolve said conflict in a satisfying manner. Sure, I'm assuming they weren't starved or physically abused, but being treated like a burden when you're a child is still fucking traumatizing! Basically I think Izumi Sakuya and Masumi should start a union. And I'm glad later chapters go the reasonably more toned-down route of "my parents have a reasonable amount of trust in me to make these kinds of decisions".

Also, can we talk about Sakuya and Masumi, because they're one of my favorite brotps here. The way Sakuya appoints himself as Masumi's surrogate big brother? He's so eager to potentially share a room with him ;-;. (personally I hc that Ms. Sakuma was expecting another child before the accident or whatever killed them, so Sakuya's been a big brother without a younger sibling all this time </3)

Wow, that doesn't sound like a metaphor for anything! You're right, Izumi, why would you go the easy route of taking something prepackaged and guaranteed when a bunch of wildly different spices can create a delicious meal if you know how to utilize them right?

Am I grasping at straws here. Probably.

The little ka-ching sound effect is adorable.

Tsuzuru, I'd think "antagonist" should be near the top of the list...also, there's plenty of plays that have been pulled off with two or three actors. Just put on "night, Mother" or something. (Joking. Don't look up night, Mother if you're sensitive to themes of suicide.)

"Tsuzuru, you picked this troupe because it had a dorm, right? ...Then maybe our best bet is to focus on more people in your shoes."

"People in my shoes? In other words...."

"The homeless?"

I CAN'T ASJHGSKSDSK

he's literally doing the 😔 face i'm on the floor.

HE'S HERE! Funny how Izumi's right about Citron not being a regular tourist right off the bat. He may not be from another troupe, but he's definitely "in character" right now.

Also, oof. Citron's my second fave in Harugumi after Sakuya, but it's glaringly obvious how much of his character is rooted in orientalism. Sure, maybe it's an act, but why is he talking about how "shameful" showing skin is when his top is (conveniently for us) THAT low-cut.

On another note, I know people have pointed out his distaste for pig's feet as evidence for headcanoning him as Muslim, but I haven't seen anyone point out how he calls Veludo Way a "mecca" of theatre. Like yeah, mecca can just mean hub, but...why didn't they just say hub? Words Have Connotations. I'm not saying this coding is good or bad, it's just a neutral observation.

AND HERE'S THIS BASTARD (affectionate)

Oh, Kasumi! (insert pointing reaction pic bc I've run out of photo space.) It's Kasumi, guys! :D

[theminecraftbee]

fanfic ask game: for hermitcraft specifically, those two fandom plots - "grian watcher angst" and "dsmp character goes to therapy". your thoughts, both on the concepts and on the typical execution thereof?

oh i see you're coming in with the controversial ones for me. hm. okay like.

....both of these are in the D-F range but i'm reluctant to put them fully in F because there are good examples out there that i like and i don't like saying "yeah i outright won't read this" when like, if a friend or an author i trust writes it, or someone puts something in a summary that makes me say "oh they're doing something new with the concept okay" happens, i will read it. also i always feel bad about my knee-jerk dislike of hermit!tommy given that hermit!tommy is actually pretty directly what got me into hermitcraft, so like. cannot possibly be that bad. just...

the problem with these types of fics tends to partially be "overdone" which like, once again. not always a problem in fanfic spaces. i'll go back to my naruto team 7 as family example i have read COUNTLESS of those fics that basically all have the same plot (kakashi puts them through hell training! bonding about trauma! the very specific plot point of 'they go to the chunin exams and are wildly overprepared for them and everyone goes 'what are they feeding those kids', often with the exact sakura/ino fight except sakura wildly outclasses her because she's 'grown up' now or whatever') and i eat them all up! for the people who like those tropes the fact they're popular is GREAT. the problem is, of course, when you're sort of tired of it and would like something else but that something else is annoyingly hard to find and then you're sitting there like "i know that complaining doesn't actually generate more fic, me WRITING generates more fic, but i only have but so much capacity and i want MY popcorn reading, where's MY popcorn reading".

...that extended ramble got a little out of hand but like. you see where i'm coming from, right?

the other problem is that i have a very, very limited patience for certain types of angst. which is silly, because i'm an angst writer to some extent (or, okay, i have a very complicated relationship with that, i actually wouldn't describe myself as an angst writer but people who do are valid and i fully understand where they're coming from). i also have a very limited patience for whump unless it scratches exactly the right itch for me. and i really, REALLY don't have patience for when the angst is just... circular, nothing ever gets resolved, you spend ten chapters in the same repetitive cycle of angst and comfort, and it's not really those tropes' fault that a lot of this happens there, right. it's that they're POPULAR so a lot of new writers write them. but writing angst that doesn't just make me bored is HARD and because i have trouble finding a lot of those fics that do write it well i have a tendency to write it off, because the other involved tropes aren't things i like enough to make me keep reading despite it doing a thing i dislike.

(the third secret reason i tend to mistrust these genres is 'i am so fucking picky about mumbo characterization these days and no one ever writes him right i am the most suffering person ever and also now whenever pearl is used for grian angst with no character of her own i descend from the trees like a feral tiger and maul something". these, however, are personal problems. especially the mumbo thing. my pickiness about mumbo is deeply self-inflicted and not even entirely accurate sometimes.)

but the thing is, as i said... if you're already my friend. if i already know i like your writing. and you write this stuff? yeah i'm on top of it. if i have had a friend vouch for you? yeah sure i'll check it out. it's just that i dislike enough of this stuff that i just... fundamentally will not read anything that hasn't been vouched for me or doesn't have such a good high concept that i can hold my nose and hope.

"but second didn't you just write a watcher thing last night also" yes i know this is the other reason i feel bad writing this one out because the problem really is "lots of baby writers hitting exactly the points of writing that i personally can't stand and also a complete saturation of it when i'm trying to find other stuff" instead of necessarily. anything wrong with the trope itself. i don't know. fandom oversaturation can be frustrating.

...so yeah. D or F.

[cheylouwho]

My response to Bloom’s video on Pip, which I find to be very disingenuous to him as a character and his purpose within SP. This is a comment I wrote out which is on the video itself, but there’s some points here that I think are relevant to the tumblr fanbase as well. May need to watch this utterly painful video first to get where I’m coming from (godspeed) but still:

1, Hate Pip all you like, I really find it disingenuous to compare Pip to Butters. Matt and Trey's intent for both characters was wildly different from the get-go. "Even though they essentially fill the same role" as a statement not only disregards what Pip was was created to do, but also Butters and his development. It also doesn't make any sense to consider TGNIAHT as the "passing of the torch" because Pip was still a character long after that episode, and Butters didn't replace him in any way, shape or form. "Character that the main 4 push around/don't like/throw under the bus" is not a singular archetype that belongs to any one character. If you're going for that angle, up until very recently, Scott had the same amount of relevance and character development as Pip-- and last time I checked, everyone seems to like him well enough. You could boil him down to "kid they don't like who has diabetes and they make diabetes jokes at him haha funny" and that was IT. 

 2, South Park characters, as a whole, have a very fluctuating set of character traits because M+T are making a comedy show above all else. They will shoehorn just about anyone into a role and make them do something previously considered OOC just for the sake of a joke. Pip being the butt of the joke in that manner (in relation to your statement that despite the jokes being funny you still feel him being empty) is EXACTLY the point of what early sp was, and still in some way is to this day. We've now got 25+ years of solidity for some of these boys' characters, and they still pull things out that surprise us in terms of what we think a character will or will not do. Pip being Pip, as he was, was exactly spot on for season 1-5 humor and characterizations. We're comparing apples to oranges with Butters since he's had YEARS more development time. Even on that note, Butters now is a completely different character than he was then. 

  3, I am part of SPHS, who made the iceberg from your previous video, so I do know somewhat what I'm talking about when discussing fandom trends and history-- we literally research this stuff, and I have been in this fanbase for years. Your response to the tumblr post was really weird and twisted completely what the person who posted was saying-- I read that post properly in it's entirety (which you don't frame, you cherry picked a small section), and I agreed with it. Pointing out a trend within the community as to who and where certain ideas are coming from is not making you out to be the bad guy. Like you said, you own that you have somewhat of an influence because of your YT channel, but there's also a lot of younger/newer fans looking at old episodes through season 23 rose colored glasses, who may just be using this as a justification.

Anyway, that’s my thoughts. Goodnight

[sanityshorror]

Why are people so mean to you? You're literally one of the nicest people of interacted with on the internet

Long answer below cut

Many reasons, though none which are actually legitimate lol. I mean, yeah I can absolutely be a massive fuckin ass, BUT if I popped off on someone, it's because they really, really, really put time and effort into having got me to that point.

Another reason is that a certain person who used to be a 'friend,' ... Well it's a whole can of worms but ultimately, the final result was her purposely lying in order to set me up to make me look like a terrible person, then wrote an entire ass book of a callout which was 95% just blatant lies and beyond distorted 'truths' to the point it wasn't even true.

Additionally, people make just... wildly incorrect assumptions about me ("sanity thinks he's better than everyone and has the biggest ego!" Or "sanity is so mean!")... despite knowing jack shit about me. It's so baffling given the fact my blog and everything I post is my CONTENT. I am not my content, I am just the creator.

Let's see... What else...... OH! I'm very edgy boi. And have very dark humor. GOD FORBID!

Oh, another reason is because even though I don't talk about it... Like... Ever. I have been open about the fact that, yes, I do look at and watch gore tapes. However, I never brag about that (anyone who does is fucking stupid), it's not a flex. I very vocally discourage people from going to look themselves, and have never, will never, tell anyone how to find it let alone send them direct links. I've been asked by people before, I blocked all of them without replyiny. AND SO, WHY DO I WATCH GORE? I am an extreme horror creator. I am a splatterpunk author and artist who does a lot of horror illustration that include gore. It's legitimately for RESEARCH /serious. And that should be obvious to anyone. I'm also going to mention that yes, real gore footage and images are completely legal unless it involves CSA - that is beyond illegal. Just the thought of that type of gore makes me physically ill. I never never nor will I ever look at illegal gore. Kids being harmed is a massive trigger for me and ugh- i just want to puke at the idea of someone seeking it out.

Hmmm...OH! Because ASF is my favorite movie. Why is it my favorite? Because it IS uncomfortable. It portrays horrific things that happen in the real world, and shows these things graphically. It's not supposed to entertain, IT'S SUPPOSED TO UPSET YOU. Yes, I'm working on a video essay explaining the importance of ASF.

Aaand people are sent into tizzies over...😨😨 EXTREME HORROR😨😨 SERIAL KILLERS THAT ARE ACTUALLY A REALISTIC PORTRAYAL OF SERIAL KILLERS 😨😨😨 GOD FUCKING FORBID?! UNACCEPTABLE 🙄

Also, because Julius and Killian are supposedly me fetishizing mlm. I AM A PANSEXUAL MAN. And frankly, if people actually bother to read about their dynamic then go talk to MLM folks IRL... You'd realize that Julius and killian are the farthest thing from fetishizing.

Hmmm... And at the core of it all? Yes, this is going to sound up my ass but the ultimate reason? Jealously.

It seems like more people hate me than actually do, just because the ones who hate me are really fucking loud and can't keep my name out of their mouth (even though I forget or don't even know they exist until they somehow wind up on my radar). And a few certain people have about 50+ alts that they use to never stfu about me.

As for Chris Piss, that's completely different from the usual stuff. Slimebeast is...sure something.