Fluent Freshman - Part 11
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FF could admit that he may not be working with a full tank at the moment.
He had not slept very well the night before.
He had watched a lot of horror movies (a genre that he generally does not consume because his mind is already a scary enough place).
He was not able to go see his Grandma and he was going to miss the traditional(tm) Black Friday extravaganza that he and his Grandma did every Black Friday since he was little and encountered the horrible truth about Santa and she’d let him in on when / where most of his Christmas gifts were obtained. (The answer was not the North Pole under the watchful eye of elves. He had cried himself to sleep at the revelation but Gran always had a way of making the worst moments of his life tolerable.)
He may have eaten just…a bit too much pie?
He definitely ate too much turkey.
His stomach is killing him because he had forgotten to take his pepto when he had slammed that five hour energy.
His heart may actually break out of his rib cage with how hard it’s beating in his chest.
He’s been listening to Andrew and Captain Neil go back and forth for the last hour and a half between discussing Aaron’s recent mess ups, to what they’ll do to one another with a locked door between them and the world, to Andrew complaining that Neil’s hand is sweaty, to Neil saying Yes and Andrew’s hand is no longer in Neil’s and-
He clenches his eyes close.
And Andrew has swerved back into the lane for the third time in the last five minutes while saying something unrepeatable about his plans for Captain Neil and the whipped cream.
FF does not handle swerving cars very well.
He hears Andrew say something that sounds like it could lead to a very uncomfortable yeast infection for Captain Neil didn’t properly rinse off afterwards.
The car swerves over the rumble strip.
A fear far stronger than his fear of what Andrew could do to him overtakes him.
“I don’t like swerving cars. So, I’m going to ask that you focus on the road and keep your hands on the steering wheel.” FF says so panicked that he sounds calm and he watches as both Neil and Andrew stiffen at the sound of his voice. “If you can’t, then I’m going to ask that you pull over and let me out.” He offers a second option and a part of him is just amazed that his voice doesn’t crack even once. “I’m fine with either option.” He says.
He says both are fine but…
Honestly he hopes Andrew chooses the first option as he looks at the dark and lonely highway.
He looks back up at the front seat and both Neil and Andrew are looking straight forward. Andrew’s hands are on the steering wheel.
“Thanks.” He says and returns his attention to back over Aaron’s head.
The rest of the ride to Columbia is blessedly quiet. Aaron and Nicky wake up when they get off of the interstate and Nicky has the good grace to try and wipe the drool out of FF’s hair while Aaron seems unbothered by the wet spot he left of FF’s shoulder.
They get out of the car and they each grab their own bag in exhausted silence. Nicky is barely managing to put one foot in front of the other and before FF can do or say anything Nicky is in his room and has locked his door.
The room that FF had been planning on sleeping on the floor of because Nicky had told him he could so that FF would not drink 20 5-hour energies over the course of the weekend.
But Nicky had looked really tired.
So he is given a general tour by a very quiet Captain Neil and FF forces himself not to think about the cooler that Andrew had brought to, what he assumes is, Andrew’s bedroom before it was brought to the kitchen. He gets shown where the blankets and pillows that Kevin uses are and FF nods in quiet acceptance even knowing that he is going to spend the night going over Katakana flashcards and maybe up his literacy on Kanji to a second grader’s level.
Captain Neil wishes him a good night while Andrew gives him a nod and it is the last time he sees Captain Neil that night.
It is not the last time he sees Andrew.
***
Andrew comes out of his room to go get two glasses of water nearly 2 and a half hours later. The house is silent and dark. He is pretty sure him and Neil are the only two up.
He is wrong.
He comes out into the living room on his way to the kitchen and finds FF going through flashcards at a rapid pace. He walks a little closer to see what it is but the flashcards aren’t even right side up half of the time.
He thinks about the car ride.
‘I don’t like swerving cars.’
FF had said it so matter of factly. He was uncomfortable with the swerving.
Andrew had told FF recently about the words he didn’t like.
It felt like FF was offering at least something of himself back to Andrew for the first time.
Andrew thinks about how once his hands had gone back to the steering wheel FF had leaned back into his seat and stared out the window.
Andrew has at various points tried to look up what FF’s circumstances were but searching news sites for someone named ‘Smith’ with no first name to work off of was an exercise in futility.
Neil has lamented many times to Andrew about his bizarre jealousy over how unknowable Smith is. “He’s learning new languages, keeping a low profile, and playing Exy. It’s everything that I wanted in my freshman year and couldn’t manage because Riko pissed me off so much! It’s just kind of hard to see someone living my dream.” He says.
Andrew had punched him in the arm for that one.
“My old dream!” Neil had said and Andrew almost punched him again for the smile he flashed but had ended up kissing his stupid pretty face instead.
Where was he?
Right.
FF didn’t like swerving cars.
It didn’t necessarily have to be the trauma that lead to that aversion. Andrew certainly hadn’t had anything scare him on a plane but he still hated flying.
Still.
“The flash card is upside down.” He says and watches as FF pauses in his shuffling before righting that card and flipping to the next one which was turned to the side as far as Andrew could tell.
FF should be asleep.
FF is not asleep.
It might be Andrew’s fault that his friend can’t sleep.
“It won’t happen again.” He says and FF turns and stares at him blankly for a few seconds before he nods his acceptance.
It’s nice having a friend who understands what he means without needing to explain every little thing.
***
FF thinks he might have double-dosed on the 5-hour energy.
He also thinks he might currently be able to see through time.
His flashcards are making so much sense right now.
Then Andrew had come up and it truly was a miracle that he did not shit himself considering the sheer amount of apple pie still making its way through his system. That’s a lot of fiber for one body and he’s sure the 2-3 Five Hour energies he has taken are not helping his plight in that regard.
“It won’t happen again.” Is what Andrew says and in an instant FF feels his stomach drop to his feet. He nods blankly and watches as Andrew nods back before the man went to the kitchen and left with two tall glasses of water.
‘It won’t happen again’
FF has asked Andrew for TWO favors today.
TWO WHOLE FAVORS.
WHAT WAS HE THINKING?
The answer was that he WASN’T.
Even if FF had paid back one of those favors with the sheer power of his granny’s pie there was the case of the secondary favor he’d asked for in the car.
‘It won’t happen again’
There won’t be anymore favors for FF. He’d used up any mercy his grandma’s pie had bought him.
He considers the time pulls out his phone and goes through some saved text files on his phone.
It’s time for guns even bigger than his grandma’s apple pie.
He takes another five hour energy and knows that he won’t be sleeping a wink. He looks up groceries stores that are open this early on Black Friday, he grabs his wallet and with immense fear in his heart grabs the keys Aaron had dropped into a bowl by the front entrance.
He needs the ingredients for his great-grandma’s brownies.
Do your civic duty and: CAST YOUR VOTE TODAY ABOUT MEMES
NEXT
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SIGNALIS Big Teef Fic Preview!
Did anybody want a fic with the Big Teef? No? Well, too bad, you're getting one anyway. Have a taste!
---
"Hey, when were you going to tell me you have fangs?"
Elster pauses, having just gotten engrossed in a scene of tense questioning. "Excuse me?"
Ariane sits beside her at the table, lays down the Replika overview, leans her elbows on it and rests her chin on folded hands, giving the Replika a look that to any Gestalt would be similar to a parent wanting to know why their kids didn't do what was asked of them – or rather, like she's taken on the role of detective in the midst of questioning. Elster lifts her eyebrows, waiting for an explanation.
Ariane elaborates as if telling an anecdote from her Rotfront years. "I looked through the Replika overview again to see if there was anything I could pick up to help you out, or do something for you, when... in the corner of my little eye, I spy... a schematic. A schematic, El Bell. Of retractable canine teeth. Which you are in possession of, and neglected to inform me."
Elster closes her eyes, knowing where this is going.
"Ariane."
"Now, I don't ask the time of day from a clock..."
"Liebchen."
"But I'm not shy about how hot I am for nibbles and love bites..."
"Light of my life."
"And you didn't think to tell me? When were you going to tell me?"
"Settle down, dramatic. They're for self-defense, not for sexy time. Besides, it's not even unique to LSTRs – all Replikas have them."
Ariane blinks in surprise. "Wait, seriously? Even Eules?" Having such teeth makes sense for a Storch or Star, but an Eule?
"Absolutely. I once heard that a secretary unit back at headquarters almost bit the fingers off an untrained Storch who got too ugly with her. Not sure how it ended, but I like to think Frau Beißer got off with a warning and the Storch never lived it down. Self-defense, like I said. With combat units it's a last resort in case one runs out of ammunition or doesn't have a melee weapon ready."
Ariane's eyes widen. Eules always looked so delicate to her with how lightly they carried themselves, but it seems even those domestic units are made of sterner stuff than expected. Her eyes lower to Elster's mouth. Elster gives her a knowing look.
"No."
"I didn't say anything!"
"You have that 'in the interest of science' look on your face."
"I just want to see them for myself! There's nothing wrong with that! Show me, please? It's not like I'll ever see them in a combat situation, unless we get picked up by aliens or something."
Elster stares. Ariane stares back, pleading and doe-eyed, just seconds away from deploying the dreaded pouty bottom lip. Elster gives in, of course. She can never really refuse humoring her love, so she teasingly grouses like it's such a chore.
"Ach, fine."
Ariane tries not to drum her fingers happily while Elster pops the mandibles in her jaw, mouth opening. Nothing out of the ordinary, just 28 white teeth – go figure Replikas aren't manufactured with wisdom teeth – and then Elster curls her lips back wolfishly, her canines extending with an audible click.
There is, of course, the knee-jerk flicker of saucy fascination since Ariane does so love when Elster bites her, but in the moment it's also tempered by actual scientific curiosity. Elster's lengthened teeth are only sharp at the very tips, as Ariane knows from experience, so while they probably can pierce through flesh or biomechanical components they must be intended for crushing and tearing, clamping down and keeping a steady grip thanks to powerful jaws.
A rather specific detail from the Replika overview comes to mind: the LSTR unit has a bite force of 1250 PSI at minimum. Ariane's heard of certain Vinetan animals having a comparable bite, capable of piercing through the skulls of their prey. The knowledge of this results in a revelatory daydream of hostile alien forces intercepting their little ship and abducting Ariane, causing Elster to crush an extraterrestrial skull or spine between her teeth as she goes in a rampaging rescue...
"Ari," Elster drawls. The extended fangs seem to mess with her speech, an added lisp causing her accent to border on nonsensical. "Ye hab dat look."
Ariane shakes her head. "I wasn't thinking of anything sexy this time, honest!"
"Uh-huh. Cad I pud dese away now? Iz hahd to talk."
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Thinking tonight about Caelus, and the nature of his loss and his grief after the Everything that went down in Penacony during 2.0.
Because Acheron, Black Swan, and Misha kind of knew of Firefly, they at least met her, but they didn't like really know her, and Caelus never even got the chance to introduce her to the rest of the Astral Express Crew. The only person who would have talked to her much was Sparkle, who is. Probably not really someone Caelus is interested in grieving with skznmsks
Anyway, all this to say, I like thinking about how alone poor Caelus is in his grief, because he was the only one who knew Firefly. He's the only one really mourning her. There's no one to talk about her with. There's no stories to trade or memories to reminisce with anyone over. It's not as though he knew her for long, but still. No one else knew her at all.
And I love the thought of all of this coming bubbling up, hot and acidic and bitter, during a conversation with Sampo, who Caelus just so happens to run into in the Golden Hour. Poor Sampo is kinda blindsided, he knew shit was going down in Penacony, but yeesh. And he just. Isn't quite sure what to say about it all, because he's never really encountered this before. His feelings about the Masked Fools are...a mixed bag, but he's been a part of them for a very long time, and when you're with a close organization like that, it's hard to feel alone, in grief or otherwise.
So Sampo sits there on their little bench that the two of them have occupied, and he thinks of his old friend April, how she'd died in his arms cackling and spitting her own blood after a heist gone wrong, and how after he'd dragged himself back to the World's End Tavern they'd all held a Fool's Funeral- which is basically just a big party where everyone gets really really drunk and reminisces and toasts the dead and celebrates their life.
He still thinks about her a lot, and he remembers how the time he'd most keenly felt her absence was on Jarilo-VI, the one place where he couldn't talk about her because he couldn't say anything to give himself away as an alien. The Fools still tell stories about her every time he goes back to the Tavern. His first toast of the night is always in her name. Even now, all these years after she'd died, Sampo is still learning new things about her. He's never had to grieve her alone.
Caelus doesn't have any of that.
He might never have that. As they speak, Caelus has no proof that Firefly was even her real name, or if she dreamt with her true appearance. He might not ever find out who she even was.
And just imagining that kind of loneliness hollows out a strange little pit, right behind his sternum, deep between his ribs.
So Sampo claps Caelus' shoulder and offers him a deal. Come find him outside of the dream. He knows a guy who can get them a lot of beer for really cheap-
("Is that guy you and your five finger discounts?" "Whatever do you mean, dear friend, I don't even know the meaning of the phrase, hehee.")
-and they can hole up in a bar or a hotel room or something, and get completely shitcanned. Tell him all about Firefly, tell him everything, and he'll tell Caelus about April and everyone else he's ever lost. Sampo will carry Caelus' memories of Firefly with him, and at least this way, Caelus will be a little less alone in remembering her. And the next time they cross paths, Sampo will be the one to bring her up, and to tell her stories, and Caelus can get to be the one listening. He won't have to be the only person to talk about her anymore.
Caelus rolls his eyes when Sampo avoids another remark about sticky fingers, but...ok, yeah. That sounds good. Nice, even. Thank you. Caelus bumps his shoulder against Sampo's. Sampo bumps back.
(They find each other again the next day, and true to their word, get themselves completely and utterly shitcanned. Caelus talks more than Sampo has ever heard him; every minute detail, every word choice, Firefly's every odd little mannerism and habit. Because Caelus wants to make sure this will outlive him, that even if the Stellaron dwelling within him finally burns him to a crisp and he really does up and kick the bucket, or even, godforbid, if he forgets, he wants to make sure someone remembers her. She deserved that.)
((And it takes quite a while, after that. Caelus doesn't see Sampo again until after everything has settled down. On his last day in Penacony, he finds the guy slinking out of a seedy back alley and all but runs right into him. Sampo happily leads him to some dive bar in an even seedier back alley that Caelus has never even heard of, and Sampo raises his glass. "To Firefly! Who sounds like she probably would have hated me at first, but I would have liked to have met her anyway."
And Caelus stares at him, almost looking startled, long enough that Sampo worries that he's read him wrong and brought this up too soon. He's halfway into planning how to talk himself out of this situation when Caelus finally throws back his head back and laughs, tells him that yeah, Firefly would have politely called him out on every lie he told, and all their conversations would take twice as long with the way Sampo is so full of shit.
And he can see it, the same way he watches and sees through everyone, that Caelus' eyes have a tightness to them, his knuckles are nearly white around the handle of his mug. But he smiles. He hits his glass against Sampo's far too hard and throws it back and gets foam everywhere like he does every time they drink because the guy's about as elegant as a raging bull, but those things don't lessen the genuineness of his smile.
The grief is there, but so is the elation, and those emotions aren't a sliding scale between one or the other. It is all of both and both at once, and that's what contents Sampo enough to throw his own mug back when Caelus makes a toast of his own, "to April!!".))
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