#this isn't even my lane this is not the life i have chosen

[kindahoping4forever]

Luke @ The 5SOS Show Tour London

[wackyharpy]

Merchant's Daughter (Part 2)

God! Aemond x Human●Fem! Reader

Summary: In order to ease the wrath of one of the Gods, the girl among humans is chosen to be gifted to him.

Part 1

To find more stories — masterlist

A/N: I know you've been waiting for it. So here is chapter 2, finally. Want to express my gratitude for your likes, comments, and reblogs. I appreciate it! Love you, guys! Enjoy the story :)

P.S. English isn't my native.

Warnings ⚠️

NSFW, sexual content, typical treatment of women those times, she/her pronouns.

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

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The man of her father's age opened the gates and kindly smiled at her.

"Welcome to Ēbrion, my lady. The residence of the God of Murk and Affliction — my lord."

She examined the pale complexion of the man, who wore perfectly ironed and starched white shirt with a black suit. His skin was pallid as if the blood no longer rushed in the veins. The man was acting as an alive human, though, there were doubts whether he was one.

"Who are you?" She cautiously inquired, still considering if she could trust him.

"I am a butler, my lady," the man was still smiling warmly.

"What is E... Ebrion?"

"Ēbrion," he pronounced it correctly and went on explaining, "this is the name of the castle, my lady. It means "dusk" in the Valyrian language."

Valyrian — the language of Gods.

The butler took her case and pointed at the lane with his thin arm. She made several uncertain steps walking into the territory of the castle. The gates behind her started closing by themselves what surprised her a little.

"Why is the castle named like that?" She curiously looked at the man and then turned her glance to the great piece of architecture in front of her.

"Due to my lord was born at dusk," she heard the butler's soft voice behind her back. "Please, my lady, may us come inside. Dinner is already awaiting for you, along with a hot bath. You must be exhausted after the journey."

She felt someone's presence the whole dinner as if an invisible person were in the room together with her, hiding stealthily. Somber aura hung over making the air in the castle humid. Although, it could have been her nervousness, and heightened temperature of the body due to her anxiety.

Massive walls were decorated with modeling, ornamented in pretentious paintings of mythical creatures and flowers; pictures in wooden frames adorned the rooms. Events of Gods' and humans' history were depicted on them. At times, it seemed the characters on canvases revived — expressions were altering on their faces, their eyes were watching her with the penetrating gaze. Here and there muted fragments of their conversations were echoing across the halls.

The servants of the castle were moving around ghostly — once they were working in one place, then, after a blink, there was no one in the room, the servants quickly were shifting to other places.

When the girl needed explanation or help, miraculously the butler appeared near her. A moment she turned her head, he vanished as though he weren't there initially.

Who were all these people serving the God of Murk and Affliction? Ghosts? Corpses who came to life? She doubted that someone ever would provide her answers.

She had been staying in this bleak place for a week and hadn't ever met its owner. Each day was gloomy and dull, the atmosphere outside was constant. Once in a while, it was drizzling — at those moments chilly spirit was sweeping through the halls, and the girl was hiding in the chamber, allocated for her, under the thick blankets.

The longer she had been staying here, the more dreadful anticipation of the meeting with the God became. She couldn't comprehend why he still hadn't appeared in his residence. But, she had a horrible feeling the moment she would meet him, it would be the most terrible encounter in her life. It seemed as if it were easier to face the Death than the God of Murk and Affliction himself.

One evening was especially murky. Since morning it had been pouring, so the whole day felt macabre. The poor girl had low spirits — there was no joy in here, nothing to do, nowhere to go, nobody to speak to.

The servants had prepared a hot bath for her. While she was lying relaxed in the tub, pleasant water was soothing her strained muscles, several women were readying her bed, changing usual white linen into black one with red intricate patterns on it.

After, they dried her with soft towels, brought her a beautiful transparent nightgown to wear, something unpleasant tugged and then dropped in her abdomen. Her mind gave the cue that tonight was going to be the encounter. Their lord was coming back home, and his servants were preparing Ēbrion to greet him with lush tables full of mouthwatering dishes, polished floors and decorations, and the main gift who was standing in this chamber.

Her.

Now she realized why her bedroom was in the remote part of the castle — nobody would hear her voice, her screams, her calls for help. As though there were somebody who would safe her.

"My lady," the servant gently took her hand and led her to the bed, helping her to get onto it.

"Please, lie on your back, my lady."

She did as she was asked. Her breath caught in her lungs — the feeling of terror was capturing her body slowly.

"What are you doing?" The girl jumped terrified when the servants grabbed both her arms.

"Please, my lady, you have to lie on your back," the woman's gentle voice asked her again.

Be obedient.

The girl gulped and lowered herself on the duvet. She was trembling, as a small leaf ready to fall on the ground in late autumn, while her wrists got tied to the headboard. A silk bandage covered her eyes — according to the servants' words, it was an order.

And there she was lying, alone, on the fresh and still cold bed, her arms attached to the headboard with ropes. She relied only on her ears hearing attentively what was happening around. The baldachin made of heavy fabric was completely closed. She was in the utter darkness.

Anticipation was eating her from the inside. It felt as if her heart could jumped out of her chest because of how afraid she was.

The echoes of someone's steps were audible in the corridor, reaching closer and closer to her chamber. She strained her body and tightly clenched her legs — was stiff as the violin's string.

All at once, the doors opened and she heard heavy male breathing, and loud stomps of leather boots. She tried to produce no sounds as though he didn't know she was here.

The God knew everything since the moment the convoy entered his lands. His henchmen saw her every step in the mist — vultures, ravens, trees, serpents, the fog itself. Everything and everyone felt foreign presence of a stranger, a human they'd never seen. And he already knew her name — the wind had whispered him.

The girl heard clatters of the crystal jug and goblet, and then quiet pouring of the liquid.

"Do you know who I am?" She heard a deep voice rumbling right from the chest. It felt dangerous and spellbinding at the same time as if looking at the volcanic eruption and hearing grumbles that come from the inside of the mountain.

"God of Murk and Affliction," her own voice sounded pathetic that was natural for such a miserable human she was.

"Remember it. I am a God, you are a human. A little pitiful human."

The baldachin opened suddenly revealing her small body to him worn in transparent fabric. He, without any shame, was staring at her young untouched body smelling her scent — dulcet and virginal.

The girl began moving, yanking the ropes, pulling her legs. Her heart was beating as a bird in the cage, fluttering small wings with the hope to escape. Unfortunately, there was no way back, no way home.

The God's large palm wrapped her thin neck pinning to the bed, his long nose grazed the side of her left cheek reaching her ear.

"Be a good girl for me. If you appreciate your life, be obedient," he whispered and left a light kiss on the earlobe.

She was incapable to breath, her body felt numb due to fear — the girl was lying still on the bed praying to remain alive after this encounter.

But who was she praying to? The Gods who themselves suggested to send her here?

She became alone, abandoned by humans and Gods who knew, who saw, who heard everything from above. They didn't care. One mortal girl was not a big deal.

The night had been dragging a long while, darker than it had ever been in any place of the world. It felt like infinity until the dawn. The infinity with his hard cock between her quivering legs, his heavy breathing and rumbling growls and moans.

She felt sticky hotness between her thighs — blood mixed with her juices and his semen. His strong hands left bruises on her innocent body, he bit her with his sharp fangs, penetrated her with rough thrusts. It was pleasure and pain she was experiencing. Her fleshy insides were fluttering because of exhaustion, but for the God it wasn't enough. He interchangeably used his shaft and long digits exploring the girl's interior.

Her crying didn't halt him, her moans encouraged him to keep on moving.

He examined every inch of her body craving to know all her cavities, convexities, and curves. He played with her breasts, nibbled her nipples, smelled her hair, and teased her clit.

She was different, unlike the Goddesses he had laid with. He sensed purity in her which he was devastating with his sinful actions, wicked tongue and perverse, constantly seeking for fulfillment dick. He adored her hot blood that could be heard rushing in her veins, he relished her taste feasting between her legs for hours till she couldn't take it anymore.

Everything was his from then. She belonged to him and only him.

He took her almost every night, and when the daylight touched the floors of her chamber, the servants always fetched her hot bath and breakfast. The God bestowed her with rich dresses made of heavenly fabrics and precious jewels that no mortal queens or kings ever possessed.

She was his own little human.

She was a good girl for him, and according to his promise he once made, she enjoyed only pleasure in bed. The God allowed her to explore the castle and the territory outside as a gift for her obedience.

Daily she had been spending time in the library, in the garden, or riding a horse in the surroundings of the castle. Her white stallion — a present from the God — was her loyal friend ready to take her anywhere she desired.

The girl was scared no more. The God's henchmen were watching her, the woods were protecting her from the possible danger that may have come from outside of his possessions.

She felt save and secure. Once she came here as a slave, a toy for the God, now she became his girl who he cared for and cherished.

***

The girl was bouncing on the God's hard cock standing on the hands and knees. Light breeze was tickling her nude body, sweet scent of grass and flowers enveloped the space around them.

Since her appearance here, the God's lands has changed reasonably. Thick fog has gone from Ēbrion to the borders of his possessions hiding them from the world outside. The sky wasn't overcast anymore allowing the rays of the sun to elucidate the territories around.

"My Lord..." she moaned loudly.

He gripped her hair tightly accelerating his thrusts.

"My Lord... Aemond! I need a break. I can't take it anymore," her ragged breathing showed her tiredness.

The God groaned, and grudgingly came out of her hot insides. She stretched her body on the blanket, closed her eyes enjoying the warmth of the day. The woods around them were shuffling. How much time had passed since she arrived in here? She didn't remember.

The days and nights blurred, time had no sense for her anymore. Once she was cut from the world she was born in, left forsaken in the unknown place, but now it seemed to be just a memory of long ago times.

In front of her was sitting her beloved man, the God who was spreading his wrath in the world, but sought love and appreciation in her hands.

Her dear Aemond.

"Are you tired, my love?" He took her arm and kissed it.

"A bit, my lord," she smiled, exploring his sturdy body with her curious eyes, and stopping her gaze at his thick cock patiently waiting to be buried deep within her walls again.

"Hmmm..." He thoughtfully rubbed her abdomen. Something began sparking in his good eye.

"What are you thinking about?" She half rose up on her elbows.

"Want to breed you, my love. To conceive a child with you," lust was heard on his tongue. He leaned his face closer to her, his silver hair glistening in the beams of the daylight.

"Do you want a half-God child from a mortal woman? I'm not even a queen, just a merchant's daughter."

An astute smile appeared on his face. He delineated her cheek with his long finger, then gently kissed her full lips.

"I don't want a half-God child. I want you to give birth to a God." He whispered into her mouth, and then pinned her to the blanket with the weight of his body.

She gulped and asked surprisingly:

"How?"

"I will make you my wife. My Goddess."

With these words he pushed his hard cock into her entrance, catching her moan with his lips.

[antianakin]

Okay so I'm stepping out of my fandom lane a tad here because I just watched the season 2 finale of Leverage: Redemption and had some thoughts and feelings about Eliot Spencer as concerning the concept of "redemption" and whether you CAN be "redeemed" for certain things or not and how you can live your life if you can't.

Eliot in this latest episode says point blank that he cannot and will never be redeemed for some of the things he's done in his past. We as the audience have never really been told all of what he's done, we've been given bits and pieces every so often, just enough to perhaps lead us to our own conclusions of what he might have done, but it's never been spelled out. Which is fine, it actually increases the impact of what it is he may have done in his past if it's left in the shadows, just ambiguous enough for the audience to insert their own worst nightmares to fill in the blanks.

But what he also says is that he's made his peace with the fact that he'll never truly be redeemed for what he's done, he's okay with that. Because while he's alive, he can make himself useful to genuinely good people. He can help these other people who have also chosen to be better and have perhaps FOUND whatever redemption they may have needed at doing good for innocent victims in the world. He can take the skills he once only used to hurt people and instead use them to help people, to bring them peace and comfort and joy. He can DO GOOD THINGS, he can even do them for the rest of his life, but there's never going to be a count of people he's helped, lives he's saved, that will undo the hurt he's done or the lives he's TAKEN. Nothing will give those people back their lives, nothing will give their loved ones back that person they lost, he can't give back the time he stole from them.

Eliot can be loved, both by people who knew him before and people who know him after. Eliot can be a wonderful person that the audience roots for and adores. Eliot is not toxic or unreasonable or selfish in any of his relationships. But he can't be redeemed for what he's done, and THAT'S OKAY. Nothing about Eliot being a good person requires his redemption and I think that sometimes redemption gets confused with that. The person Eliot is saying all of this to in this particular episode tries to reassure him that of COURSE he's also been redeemed, but he's not saying he's not currently a good person who is doing good things. He's not saying that he isn't a better person than he was before or that the good choices he's making now don't matter. He's just recognizing that he's done enough evil in his life, enough objectively horrific things for objectively horrific and selfish people, that cannot be undone.

Most of the other characters in this show have been selfish, yes, have hurt people and done bad things, but as far as I remember none of them have KILLED anyone. And this show, via Eliot, places that as an ultimate evil beyond redemption. The other characters can find redemption by using their criminal skills to help the disenfranchised who are being abused and taken advantage of by the system. They could potentially even try to help some of the people they've hurt in the past, undo some of the damage they've done. Eliot can't. Which means there's no redemption to be found when there's not even any amends he can make for his choices in the past, there's no one left to make amends to.

And I LOVE Eliot, Eliot is brave and smart and funny and kind and great with kids and sensitive and loving. He's a brilliant cook who uses food to show people he loves them, he's an unparalleled fighter who refuses to use guns because of how lethal they are, he's an insanely observant person with a ridiculously good memory, he's stubborn and protective and understanding. Eliot is a wonderful person and a wonderful character.

And he CANNOT BE REDEEMED. There is NO redemption for Eliot Spencer because there are things he's done that cannot be undone, and THAT'S OKAY.

[burnmyloveaway]

Johan's "Kimi" to Nina's "Anata"

WARNING: LONG-ISH POST

The following post is an acid trip down Monster Lane following some observations, permanent weeb-ness and massive brainrot.

I watched Monster subbed, and when the twins talk about what happened back at the RRM in episodes 66 and 67, they use two different forms of "you" for each other.

Johan addresses Nina with "Kimi."

Nina addresses Johan with "Anata."

I can't speak Japanese, but I've watched enough anime to understand that there are different pronouns people use to refer to others in Japanese (depending on the context, on the degree of formality/informality, etc...) and, in this case, I got curious about the difference between "Kimi" and "Anata" specifically, so I looked it up.

Firstly, "Kimi" is more informal, familiar, intimate, and affectionate (even translatable as "honey" or "sweetie": source). It implies closeness on the speaker's part and is used only for people the speaker knows well.

In particular, men use "Kimi" towards those lower on the social hierarchy (source) and between members of the same family, romantic partners (men use it when talking to their girlfriends or wives), or with kids (source). Also, [Kimi] "is for talking to friends who may be younger than you" (source). Or, again, it can be used condescendingly, as if looking down on the other person (source; can there be just a bit of resentment on Johan's part for Nina?).

I'm not sure whether or not Johan truly believes he's somewhat above Nina (i.e.: does he believe he's "chosen" in a way Nina isn't? Doesn't he also believe they're one and the same? If he truly believes he's chosen, wouldn't that make Nina chosen as well?).

Perhaps it's more likely he uses "Kimi" when talking to her simply because he's the elder twin. In the original script and dub this is emphasized many times as the vocabulary - on the part of both Johan and Nina - is rather insistent in underlining it throughout the series, even if they're twins.

Also, the pronoun "Kimi" is used to display having "the upper position" in a situation (source) in the sense (to my understanding at least) of being the one in control.

This last point reminded me of something. On having the upper hand, below is the scene of the aforementioned episodes where the twins meet in the ruins. Johan (having decided to have Nina escorted there) is standing literally on the upper floor when she finds him:

[manga vs anime]

In nonverbal communication proxemics is the branch of knowledge that deals with the amount of space that people feel necessary to set between themselves and others (Oxford Dictionary).

As adults, Johan and Nina never get close. She seemingly wants to kill him after the murder of the Fortners. Instead, he openly invites her to kill him again and again and remains distant from her as events unfold (it's also interesting to note that the one time he effectively saves her life - back in the Nazis' mansion - he decides not to meet her directly, as if taking it upon himself to looking after her from the shadows).

Another interesting detail about the frame(s) above is how Johan's silhouette is obscured in the light background of the open sky in contrast to Nina's. The latter's is illuminated by the sun in the midst of the darkened ruins, resembling the inverted dots of the Yin and Yang symbol.

Johan's mind is clear. He has recovered all his memories. He stands above the ruins because there's a memory only he can recall. Nina's still missing something as she can't reach the sky above her, she's framed by the ruins of her own dark and fractured memory.

However, at this point, they can't reunite. The heavy baggage each carries, doesn't allow the two halves of the same whole to reconcile yet. This is possibly represented by the wooden column in the middle dividing the frame between Johan's light half and Nina's dark half.

As a further contrast between the two, while Johan uses "Kimi" for Nina, Nina uses "Anata" for Johan.

The latter is more polite, neutral, and formal (source) but it also denotes more humbleness on the speakers' part (source).

In correspondence to how "Kimi" is used by someone in a higher position, "Anata" also implies respect (source) for the other person (are there mixed feelings on Nina's part in this particular moment, or is it simple politeness?).

As for "Kimi," "Anata" is gendered and used mostly by women. While it's a formal "you" more often than not, it's also used as a term of endearment by wives for their husbands and can be translated as "darling" (source; this case is similar to the possible translations of "Kimi" as "honey" or "sweetie" for couples).

Interestingly, "Anata" can be used by a speaker to put a certain degree of emotional distance from the other person (source) or when the speaker doesn't know who the other person is (source). It can often express exasperation as well (source).

Moreover, Nina has always identified her brother as "Johan."

To Nina, even if she doesn't really know him as a person in the present (since they didn't grow up together), her brother is "Johan" and Johan is her brother.

It's the first name he received and the one he used more often. He keeps going by it in the canon timeline (at least until the end?), as everyone associated with him refers to him by it. Still, he tells Dr. Tenma that it's not his real name as he doesn't have one (never completely identifying with it: Wolf argued it may have awakened something in him, though.)

As such, while Nina knows her estranged elder twin brother as "Johan," "Anata" can also be used for someone whose name you don't know (source). Usually, it's used to politely ask someone's name, which is not what Nina's doing in this scene.

However, she's dealing with what happened in the past after she has refused to face it for a long time: she's still processing it.

She's taking her memories back from Johan, who made them his. Figuratively, she gave a name to the girl who said: "I'm back," and a name to the girl who said: "Welcome home." For the longest time, she had believed the latter was herself ("I was greeting myself?").

That girl wasn't real. That was her brother. That was the brother whose existence she forgot and then confused for her own. It can be as if through that "Anata" she's asking him who he is, in a sense.

Or in Nina's words just earlier: "So you know what we are?" (As the results of a particular experiment, their parents met in unusual circumstances: it's safe to assume they'd have never existed otherwise).

Although this last use of "Anata" isn't literal, considering the problems on identity posed by this work, it can be thematically coherent and relevant.

[batrachised]

What are your favorite non-LM Montgomery stories/fandoms (if you feel like sharing)?

This question sent me wandering down a memory lane! It's actually rare for me to participate in fandoms online, although I'll gobble up funny tumblr posts and fics if a particular story latches onto my brain--star wars is really the only other one I'm active, even if that is primarily just writing fic. I think the only other fandoms I've ever gotten really into are Star Wars and Merlin. Between those two, Merlin definitely is the favorite although Star Wars is probably my favorite story. Sorry to the Star Wars fandom, but there's this weird sense of entitlement I've observed (that's present in any fandom to a degree tbf) about how everyone should interpret the characters op's way or they're basic, and that x opinion is not only bad, it's also immoral. Given how big the fandom is and how there usually isn't one dominant opinion but rather factions, the resulting (and usually hypocritical) squabbling disinterests me. I don't want to feel like I have to have a 'star wars political party' to engage with other blogs haha ("oh i'm dni about this ship but pro jedi" etc etc), especially as I'm the sort of person who will explore different interpretations for fun. That's partly why I have loved my LMM peeps so much, because even where there's disagreement, it's usually civil and more importantly, fun :D

anyhow, now that I've gone completely off track haha and told you about my NONfavorite fandoms, I'll sheepishly actually answer your question. I really loved Merlin when I watched it, because I love me some non-gritty fantasy with a sense of humor and a "chosen one" storyline. I have spent many a glorious hour reading fic where Merlin reveals his magic (ah! the catharsis!) and will probably spend many more. In a similar ilk, I've always had a soft spot for Spider-Man in my heart, specifically the older and crankier teacher Peter Parker version from the comics because he's the Ideal. Both of these are further back on the memory lane (more of high school batrachised than Charlotte lucas period of my life batrachised), but they are still near and dear in my heart.

Now in terms of my favorite stories, for THIS question I had to pull out that bad boy, the bulleted list!! (😱) I generally prefer children's fiction to YA nowadays because I like stories that have something to say, and while there are certainly YA books that fill that gap (I'm about to list several! and btw i'd definitely include THG in that), the expectations for children's novels are such that there is usually a "moral," while a good chunk of YA seems to be more "hot people kissing" and a lot of adult fiction is just dreary to me. I don't really participate in the fandoms for any of these below because first of all, they don't exist lmao, but also I didn't feel the need to change or add anything to the story.

Ella Enchanted. I love Gail Carson Levine's fairytales, and Ella is a refreshing and unique idea. When I say I love fantasy stories, what I really mean is that I love Ella Enchanted. I love how Char and her are friends first, and the scene at the end where she [censored for spoilers] and so gets her happily ever after still influences my writing today.

A Monster Calls. Weeping, on the floor, every time I read it it destroys me. I love its gentleness towards grief, and I love its brutal honesty. I also love its recognition of the power of a story. Sometimes I see (and say myself!) "It's just a story," but stories are powerful and should be treated as such. They aren't worth more than people, but they can teach you much people are worth.

Strange the Dreamer. This novel was gorgeously well-written, and its main character is an absent minded librarian who goes on an adventure--how could anyone resist! I remember recommending it to someone and they stayed up very late to finish it haha, they couldn't put it down. It's too wonderful.

Frog and Toad. Yes, they're picture books, And what about it !!? These picture books are cozy and well-written and have more to say than many a long novel I've read. Plus my blog name and brand require inclusion of a toad related bullet.

The Power and the Glory: I just wrote a post about this one, but anything by Graham Greene always makes me stare at the wall afterwards questioning my life. Funnily enough, this is dreary like the other adult fiction I dismissed, but although it's a hopeless situation with hopeless characters, Graham Greene's writing is strong enough this to have become one of my favorite books. Normally after I read fiction like that, I just feel depressed. This book, while dreary, was thought provoking.

A Canticle for Leibowitz. A post apocalyptic novel...that's not about fighting zombies or a book version of an action movie, but about monks. I know that's a complete reduction of the plot, but the idea of a post-nuclear world from the perspective of monks was such a unique idea, it grabbed my brain and didn't let go.

A Wizard's Guide to Defensive Baking. I love all of Ursula Vernon's work for her sense of humor. They're always very well written and I nod along to myself at different points thinking "correct," as the narrator discusses how true love is spending time debating your favorite type of cheese, or how baking so wonderful because you put in all that effort and have chocolate chip cookies at the end to show for it.

Holes. This book not only ties every plot thread together satisfactorily, it does it with a bow, it's that well done. This was my favorite book as a child and has stood the test of time because it's still one of my favorite books as an adult.

Up a Road Slowly. Of all the books on this list, this is the most LMM similar. It definitely is sexist, I'll warn, but the characterization can be incredible. The uncle stays with me as a remarkably complex but well written character.

Heart's Blood. The best Beauty and the Beast version, full stop, thank u very much !! In general Juliet Marillier is one of my favorite fantasy authors.

Calvin and Hobbes. there's really nothing to say here other than it's perfect haha.

A Deadly Education. A take on the magical school--that's dark and intriguing. What if Hogwarts was trying to kill you? i never got into harry potter myself because I read the books when I was slightly too old for them, so this was one of the first "magical school" books I read that captivated my imagination.

James Herriot. I love the old tv show (haven't seen the new one), but i love the books more. Siegfried and Tristan are hilarious, and James Herriot is similar to LMM in that he takes a simple and ordinary setting and bestows it with magic through his writing.

Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith novelization. "Puh-lease," you might be thinking, a movie novelization? Listen to me. Listen. I went through a period in my life where I'd casually read movie novelizations for the fun extra scraps of details. Normally, I'd idly flip my way through and be like eh that was okay, it's a novelization so whatever. I picked this up, and was left being like like what the actual fuck did I just read. This novel is incredible. It's so good that it changed my tepid feelings on the movie and prequels to "ROTS is now one of my favorite stories." I finished that book thinking "where was this movie??" I don't know what Matthew Stover was on when he wrote this, but it singlehandedly redeemed the prequels for me.

Other non book ones: i love the LOTR movies (and books but I don't reread them often), the narnia movies, Stand by Me, the secret life of walter mitty, the prince of egypt, greta gerwig's little women (sobbing. on the floor.). and v for vendetta. I also love New Girl because Nick Miller. In general, same with books, my favorite movies tend to demonstrate a distinct moral imagination and grit rather than just focusing on the journey of a character's emotional health. (ergo, I find prince of egypt much more interesting than turning red, although turning red was a good movie!)

There's also Dear Enemy from Jean Webster (aka the author of daddy long legs) bc her work is also similar to LMM, buuuut it literally and explicitly supports eugenics (a character will occasionally and casually say "we need to let those irish die for the good of society") sooo if you choose to read, know that that's in there depending on your comfort level with gross historical period conventions. (the goodreads reviews are kind of funny because people are like well I liked the story but, um,)

thank you for this ask and your patience with my meandering response!! it was a lot of fun to think of "hmm, what have I stayed up to 3AM reading fanfic for in the past," and you're tempting me to revisit some of these stories :D

[reachforgodly]

In honor of Pride Month...

This isn't the reason the rainbow was chosen as the queer pride symbol, but it seems pertinent all the same, viewing things through the lens of being a queer Christian-

The rainbow, in Christianity (and maybe in Judaism as well, but I am definitely not knowledgeable enough here to make a statement of any kind, only to acknowledge my own ignorance) - it is a symbol of God's promise of mercy. God's promise that no matter how depraved humanity becomes, He will never again choose wholesale slaughter in response. Abraham calls him on this promise in bargaining for the lives of the inhabitants of Sodom and Gomorrah, although they fail the test that God and Abraham agree upon. (And there is plenty to be said about how the sins of S&G are not actually homosexuality, but that's an extensive conversation warranting its own post.)

But when it's the Christians, at least in the west, who are leading the forefront of violent homophobia - to me, holding up the rainbow resonates both as a queer person and as a Christian. Look, if homosexuality is a sin -- and I don't agree that it is, but even extended the possibility that it might be -- here in turn is my reminder that my sin is between me and God, and God has promised that he will not drown the innocent along with the guilty. If you are to burn, it will be for your own sins, not for mine.

Jesus reinforces the principle of staying in your own lane. When He instructed His remaining disciples on what they were to do after He left them, His admonition to Peter - the man who would be the rock upon which the church was founded! - was not to worry about what anyone else was up to. "If I will that [John] tarry til I come, what is it to thee? Follow thou Me." In other words, if John has zero responsibilities or tasks to perform for the nascent church, then that's his business and Peter's responsibility is what Peter does, period.

I guess I'm being a little incoherent here, but the point is, when I wear a rainbow I am wearing it in the specific intersection of queerness and Christianity that says, God, I have prayed and I have sought and I could not find an instruction to live a miserable lie, but if I'm wrong, I rely on Your promise of mercy and grace for me. And so should those who look at me and see someone whose life they feel they must control in Your service.

[academy13]

Rotating the Supergirl version of Jimmy Oleson in my head because like, he really is an interesting character. I mean he comes onto the show already knowing Kara's secret because he know's Clark's. Like there's tension there for Kara because while Clark is her cousin, that doesn't give him the right to you know, tell. But it's also not a hard leap to make.. still, I kind of wish they'd played with that a bit more. Kara has a right to be annoyed at Jimmy for knowing, and at Clark for telling.

I think that's something that was missed out on, that tension between Kara being able to CHOOSE to tell someone. She got to choose to telly Winn, she didn't get a choice with Jimmy. And you could've played around with that a bit, since he's also older than we typically see of the character (He, Lois and Clark are all more established by the time the show's main story happens. Kara's career is just starting and she's struggling to find her footing in her chosen career and as a fledgling superhero), so he could be something of a mentor figure slash sounding board for both Kara and Winn, particularly on the front of holding down basically two jobs at the same time. He could've been someone who in turns frustrated them because he know's Clark and how he thinks and operates and tries to apply that to them, but also offers up advice they need because he's been doing this longer than they have.

You also have an excellent set up for him and Alex to frustrate each other more than they did because of their approaches. This is a man who is able to keep cool under pressure and think on his feet in interesting ways because he's close to Lois Lane and Clark Kent. Alex can keep her cool, but gets frustrated when something isn't going her way. Jimmy, or well James (but I imagine he responds to both. Lois is probably one of the few people who can consistently get away with calling him Jimmy) can roll with the punches. And of course you can even add in that layer of Alex being protective, because he just comes in knowing that secret. Maybe she think's he and Clark are even bigger dicks than they might actually be, and you can have a whole thing of them yelling at each other about it. Because while she's annoyed Kara told Winn, she CHOSE to tell Winn. She didn't choose to tell Jimmy, Clark chose to tell Jimmy.

Hell, you could've had something where James tells Clark off, because it's Kara's life not his. I mean... "Clark, you chose to tell Lois. Sure, she figured it out before you told her, but she respected you enough to not say anything until you CHOSE to tell her. You didn't respect Kara enough to let her choose, instead you told me and I had to tell her that you told me. You didn't let her make that choice." "But Lois..." "One, Lois isn't always right. Two, she helped you get Kara settled on Earth, she was literally there for a lot of that process. It's not hard to figure out your cousin is superpowered if you've one, seen the spaceship and two, know you're Superman." "I.. just... fuck. I've been an ass haven't I?" "I think Lois said you were Major Asshole the other day actually.. and look, we both get it. When Kara first arrived, there was just no way you could take her in and it was a hell of a lot to process for you and for her. But then you didn't step up as family to help, you left the rest of us to do that. Dude, your mom helped her figure the powers out more than you did, your mom literally spent more time with Alex and Kara than you did. Lois spent more time with them than you did, and historically it's a horrible idea to leave Lois Lane with teenagers for more than ten minutes. Chaos will ensue. I didn't meet Kara until I came here, but Lois had me collect books and all for her to be able to actually learn about Earth. Hell, my sister and I basically donated our collection of Scooby-Doo cartoons to the Danvers."

[taldigi]

i see a lotta people get caught up on the cursed ring concept for early Miraculous, but I think it was dropped around the time the Kwami/Fae were introduced. It was largely QK felix who seemed to have a malicious streak- a vibe i get pretty heavily from the storyboards. That seemed to have shifted to more of an irritation/annoyance vibe- much later on once the crush became an actual crush instead of "ah, kiss me for magic reasons"

I think that shift happened because there was that huge pivot around Null, Fury Corp,& Richard. Especially the plot point that Null had trapped Tikki and Plagg in the Earrings and Ring respectively. Plus, chat noir's depiction went from unwilling and forced to more laid back and silly (there's a lot more eagerness and awe to work with LB in the later storyboards.)

a lot of people interpret felix as like... this huge jerkass who wants nothing to do with anything and hates people and everything people related- who sees being a hero as a chore. A no-nonsense dude who just wants that kiss and wants out.

And while that's like, fine and fun on a per-story basis... (the idea of a non-adrien chat noir tends to be pretty fluid and more open to such things) the concept art of Felix as Chat Noir like.. directly conflicts that. FELIX is the one making dumb faces- he makes cat noises, he makes googoo eyes at Ladybug and bounces around on all fours like he's LARPing warriorcats to save his life- he acts like Chat fucking Noir and he's been doing it long before Adrien came around.

People get all big on the true selves theory- and while to an extent, i think there's some meat to that theory (CN and LB provide that anonymity to make hidden parts of their personalities shine that may have been repressed by social obligations or fear). A large chunk of people dont even consider that possibility that Felix is doing the same shit.

He isn't in the same story as Adrien- Felix, both Artbook and PV, has to deal with Null, and Richard Sphinx, and a woman who can literally wipe out your emotions. With renegade Fae who have chosen others to be villians. He's not in the same story as Gabriel, or Dupont, or the Miracuclass, or even Nooroo and the Akuma. Who knows what kind of shit he was supposed to deal with?

Heck, Let's take the idea that Richard WAS his dad. For one, Rich's emotions are out of whack because his wife is missing and Richard doesn't know where she's gone. There's no peacock coma. She's MISSING and he's ANGRY and grieving and he's funneling all of that into a vicious scramble for power and wealth. He has a woman at his side that can literally nullify emotions, and with those two extremes... his emotions swinging violently between mania and NOTHING??

If I was Felix, I would be scared of this man too. I would be scared of making connections if they hurt me enough to act this way. If this happened to my dad, then I better not even risk it. I'll stay in my own lane. of COURSE he's gonna shove Marinette away, of COURSE he wants nothing to do with the girls in his school who are lured by his Ice prince routine. But guess what?

He ends up being Chat Noir anyway. A shadowy black to his father's blistering white.

...and he falls in love with ladybug anyway. His best friend. His partner. a counterbalance to his miserable luck. a royal flush to his snake eyes.

And you know what?that's just my own interpretation of what the Null Plots could have been. Scrapped together with bits of artbook and squinting at old interviews with a touch of canon to fill the cracks.

So.. idk, personally? GDV will always be a pale mockery. Not just of felix, but everything the story could have been. Everything the love square could have been. everything the universe of miraculous could have been. And not some desperate scramble to be marvel 4 kidz played with a sick facade of girl power

[rphelperblog]

Jessica Jones Rp Meme

Part one- randomly chosen-Inspired by @brutalpunch - feel free to change pronouns or edit for rp purposes

"Would you put day drinking under experience or special abilities?"

"I don't flirt. I just say what I want."

"If you even touch me, I'll tell the world about you. There'll be nowhere to hide."

"Am I the only one left who doesn't know karate?"

"If you grab me like that again, I'll punch you so hard, you'll see."

"Well you can't let him live, he's too dangerous."

"Can you punch through a wall? Can you stop a moving car?"

"A slow moving car."

"You are a hard-drinking, short-fused, mess of a woman, but you are not a piece of shit."

"You look like an asshole."

"It's your scarf."

"Are those pork?"

"No, they're shrimp. Oh, this guy's got pork."

"God, your weird."

"Okay, you are the most full of shit lawyer I've ever met, and I think we should stop and appreciate the magnitude of that statement."

"Pain is always a surprise. I try to avoid landmines. Avoid caring. I can even see it coming. But until it hits, you have no idea what pain is."

"That quack that had me reciting street names from back home?"

"A proven method for managing PTSD."

"I could kill you right here and right now."

"But you won't, because you don't know what will happen when I die."

"Two hundred bucks for "Birch Street, Cobalt Lane, Bullshit Drive.""

"You look bad."

"I need money."

"You can have my TV."

"Thanks, Malcolm. You keep it."

"I stole it."

"Yeah and I'm gonna... gonna kill him but she just keeps getting in the way."

"Any other day you would have won this, it's your ribs isn't it?"

"You're on something, you're messed up."

"You could have killed him a dozen times, I'm just doing what has to be done, someone has to."

"I figured."

"You became a private eye."

"You've been keeping tabs on me?"

"Making sure you weren't dead, since you never called."

"In my line of work, you gotta know when to walk away. But some cases just won't let you go."

"It's people like you that give people like you a bad name."

"You're coming across as paranoid."

She's either an idiot in love, or she's being conned. Which amount to pretty much the same thing."

 "Everyone keeps saying that, it's like a conspiracy."

"I am not going to beg you for a case...I will ask you, though, VERY strongly."

"What are you doing in my apartment?"

"This is my apartment."

"Hard day at the office?"

"They're all hard."

"You're still the person who tried to do something."

"Tried and failed. That's what started this. I was never the hero that you wanted me to be."

"Pops always said, if you don't feel good going to work, you should find new work."

"God didn't do this. The Devil did. And I'm going to find him."

"They say everyone's born a hero. But if you let it, life will push you over the line until you're the villain. Problem is, you don't always know that you've crossed that line. Maybe it's enough that the world thinks I'm a hero."

"The big part of the job is looking for the worst in people. Turns out I excel at that. Clients hire me to find dirt. And I find it, which shouldn't surprise them, but it does."

"Looks like you stripped your screws."

"Knowing it's real means you gotta make a decision. One, keep denying it... "

"I just meant if...If he was on our side."

"What side would that be? The side that uses people? Treats them like animals? Just to throw them away like they're garbage? The side that rips your life apart and destroys you from the inside out? Whose side exactly would that be?"

"Do I look like I'm hiding? No. You wanna know why? Because no one wants to know. They want to feel safe. They'd rather call you crazy than admit that I can lift this car, or that I can melt your insides with my laser eyes... which won't leave a trace."

 "Wouldn't be the first time.”

"I don't give a bag of d*cks what kinky sh*t you're into. Just be into it quietly."

"I don't want to shoot you. He said it's not your time."

"You use sarcasm to distance people."

"You know somebody else like us?" "No. Not like us."

 "And yet you're still here."

"Knowing it's real means you gotta make a decision. One, keep denying it. Or two... do something about it."

"Rumors among my new partners? She has her sights on the mayor's office."

"Track, track, more track. Jesus, more track."

"A hero would have you locked up for soliciting murder. A vigilante would beat the shit out of you. Now which one am I?"

"This is my shocked face."

"You think you're the only ones who've lost people? You think you're the only ones with pain? You think you can take your sh*t and dump it on me? You don't get to do that! So you take your God damned pain and you live with it, assholes!"

"You should kill yourself."

"Probably. But I'm the only one that knows you're innocent."

"I know. It's yours. He said you left him there to die. You should have stayed to make sure."

"I hired a private investigator a while ago to start digging. She was worth every penny when she was sober."

"So he's mad. He wants to make me suffer."

"Mmm-hmm. Like he suffered."

"Got anything for me?"

"Thought you didn't like, or trust, me."

"Oh come on, I meant lawyers in general."

"Scumbag henchmen for corporate America."

"We just hired a full-time investigator."

"Whoever he is, he's not as good as me."

"Hence me having offered you the job, which you rejected."

"Wasn't personal, I just prefer a freelance; no ties."

"So you said - with an impressive string of expletives."

"Okay, is being drunk an excuse?"

"You know, it's really about professionalism. You are erratic and you are volatile..." "Effective."

"Every corner I turn, I don't know what's on the other side. I don't know who's on the other side. It could be the cabbie who's gonna drive me into the East River, okay? It could be the FedEx woman. It could be a talk show host who was my best friend."

"Are you a good jumper?"

"Why?"

"He made me jump... for hours, as high as I could. That was one of my events at school. Long jump. I was number two in the state. He said I was never as good as you."

"That accident didn't kill him, but he took a hit. I find his weakness, I find him."

"So you find him. Then what?"

"I don't know. I find him, I prove that girl's innocent, he goes away."

"Or he controls you again."

"I'll die before I let that happen."

"I've never done it with someone else who has, you know..."

"Gifts?"

"Yes, well, you are very gifted."

"Likewise."

"So just how unbreakable are you?"

"On a scale of "I don't know" to... "I'd rather not find out"?"

"So if I were to bite your finger with all of my considerable strength..."

"Depends on how considerable. So don't go getting any ideas about my extremities."

"Jewel is a stripper's name. A really slutty stripper, and if I wear that thing you're going to have to call me Camel Toe."

"Dart gun is accurate up to twenty feet."

"He'll always keep back to a wall, he'll see you coming."

"He won't see me."

"I'll take you out."

"I was going to say dartgun me but sure, shoot me in the head."

"Same here."

"You have often needed protection from your vagina."

"It's insane that that deranged murderer is teaching little kids."

"Insane. Sickening. Rage-inducing. [...] But we found what we needed upstate. We got him."

"All right. Been waiting to hear some good news. When they bringing him in?"

"Not soon enough." "We just keep eyes on him until then." "'We'? Dont you have a job?" "There is what I have to do to maintain a life, and what I want to do, and I need both to stay sane."

"You said your rebound chick took a shotgun at point-blank range pointed it under your chin, and pulled the trigger."

"I still get the occasional headache."

"You probably don't remember me, do you? Your girlfriend had me take care of you when you were brought into the hospital? In Hell's Kitchen?"

"That woman over in Hell's Kitchen snapped a man's neck because he was mind-controlling her."

"Oh my God, this is the dumbest."

"Let's go, Ironclad."

"It's Iron Fist."

"I know."

[lucky4in]

Magic Interferes in New Orleans

Prompts from Piccadilly's book #3

Words used: ☆matriarch ☆throat ☆impossible ☆vinegar ☆apology ☆slice ☆microwave ☆raspberry ☆choose ☆snore

God! I can't take it. The dread is killing me. I'm losing all the blood in my fingers with how tight I'm squeezing the steering wheel. The honking around me is not helping. I can feel everyone's fear collectively as we sit in agitated traffic. Stress. Fault. Jitteriness. Indifference. Panic, panic, panic.

God, I hate being an empath. I can't even hear my own thoughts. I need to breath! Yeah. Take deep breaths. I'm not far from the U-turn lane. So what if traffic is moving 1 millimeter a minute? The storm can't be faster.

Hooooonk!

Beepbeep!

I have to get out of this situation before I have a sensory overload.

From my front and my rear, I'm surrounded by vehicles. I can't move back, I'll hit someone. I can't move up, because they'll think there's space to move and I'll be more stuck than before. Looking to my right I realize the road across the gate is fairly empty. That last car I saw go that way was 40 something minutes ago.

I gulp loosening my grip from the wheel but still holding it firmly in my palms. Taking a breath I turn the wheel and step on the gas. My car races through the grass and crashes though the metal gates. With a screech, my tires are finally rolling and I'm off. Towards the dark clouds like a fool running blindly into a lions den.

When I finally catch sight of the curling palm trees and the flying debris, my weariness is replaced by anger. We had a plan. A simple schedule. Prepare emergency food, water, and medicine, flashlights and documents, locate nearest shelters, fill up gas tank, clear the yard, and turn off the power. When the evacuation order is set, I would be too far away at the time, so my husband would get the kids from home and we...would...evecuate.

Evacuate.

We would meet at the nearest shelter with our separate cars...

Unfortunately, my...sweet...dearest mother decided to take it upon herself to pick up the kids herself...and NOT evacuate. Instead, she wanted her grand babies to feel safe during the storm and cook them a nice meal...at her house.

I almost had a heart attack when my husband said they weren't there. Instead, a note was attached to the fridge reassuring us that my elementary school kids, including a baby, did not infact disappear off the face of the earth. She wants them to feel less threatened and stressed over this "flood nonsense". Make it seem like a regular thunder storm.

Except it's not a thunder storm! It's a hurricane!

I told my husband not to worry about it, I will get the kids and be ok. The hurricane is suppose to be a bad one, the weather man said. Anything left undemolished by the storm by the end of this would be a miracle. Hopefully it won't be my sanity. I swear, she's impossible.

By the time I get to her house, the streets are flowing with water and clawing up her driveway like waves at a beach. I step out and my shoe kerplunks into the water. I groan, feeling my ears eject hot steam. I stomp onto her porch with a squish, squish, squish and jam the key into the lock.

I kick the door open and slam it shut, my anger seeming to accelerate as soon I step inside. I cringe a bit, noticing my youngest asleep on the couch.

"DON'T SLAM MY DO-" my mother sticks her head out through the kitchen doorway and spots me.

"-Oh, hi baby!"

I stretch a tight smile, coaxing my child back to sleep. "Hello, mother."

"You came just in time. I just need to get a few things done before we eat."

And there she is. Like always. Not worrying about a thing while marinating apple cider vinegar on peices of pork. Probably to slice into the-

Sniff, sniff.

-gumbo. Her calm persona was infuriating. Almost insulting.

"Too bad my son in law couldn't be here. He'd love to stuff his face with the beignets" she continues.

"He's at the shelter. Kinda like we're suppose to be" I say, honey tounged and all "which begs the question..." I lean in, my palms face down on the table. "Why aren't we there right now?" I sneer, bringing my voice down.

"Because there's no need to. You know that" she says simply.

"Maybe in your case, but not mine. You just felt entitled to do things your way. Like you always do. I had everything under control and-and you had me worried."

"You know nothing was going to happen to these kids. I knew nothing was really wrong."

"If you really felt so aloof about this, you should have stayed yourself. You can't just up and take my kids like that. We've talked about this."

She finally looks at me, turning away from her task. "I should be free to see my own grand kids whenever I want to."

"I would have probably excepted that, if we weren't in the middle of a god damn hurricane-"

"Momma! Momma look!"

I was interrupted by my two children excitedly telling me that a pie was on the way. All while showing me their hands, proof of a raspberry massacre. Animated. Passion. Triumph. Pleasant. I ruffle their heads with a quick "good job" and they ran off together. Their happiness almost cures my frustration. It does calm me down a bit though.

"Is is so much to want to keep your family safe" my mother asks.

Aaaaaaand its back.

"Is it so much to just listen to me? To just let me do things my way? I am in no less danger than you are just because I dont have the same... tools that you do."

"It looks like it puts you in a lot of danger if you have to evacuate the city. You could simply come here so momma can protect you."

"That makes me look like a normal person, mom. The streets are already flooding and a ton of people just saw me go the opposite direction. I look stupid and suspicious." I'm taken back to my teen years. Having a similar conversation with my mother. "Not everything can be solved with your protection. I can make my own decisions. But instead you undermine me and tamper with everything around you. Just because I dont have it, doesn't mean I cant keep my family safe or simply be a mother. How about, for once, you let mother nature do her job."

"Your father made this house with his bare hands, rehydrating himself with his sweat. No one is touching this house. Not even Cosmo's or Gaia or whatever." She huffs and turn away. A puff of steam emerges over her head, indicating she opened the pot of Gumbo.

"Well, when your the Matriarch, you can start making the rules around here."

Realizing an apology isn't coming, I groan restricting myself from wrapping my hands around her throat. Its silence between us, as there is after every altercation. Especially when the house is mentioned, cause it's always Papa's house. He passed away before I could even learn to speak his name. Mama always told us about Papa. How she met him, how he put her on her feet and built a house for her (it was told he even built the bricks holding this house up), how his devotion to his family and the love of his life lasted until death did them part.

"What makes you think I'm going to be the next Matriarch?" I ask, slipping in the kitchen chair.

"You will. It's a family tradition that you need to uphold. And you are the only girl conceived by me." She answers, this sounds almost rehearsed.

"Why don't the others take your place?" I ask, for the millionth time.

"It's only rare that a boy has ever been in place of a woman. And once a girl was brought in, he was removed immediately."

"If it's that simple then crown them and get it over with."

"Oh, do you think it's that easy"? She quizzes, slowly turning to me.

"Knowing you, probably not."

"Hyde is much more coordinated than that. If they really didn't think you were worthy, we would have known, but I always knew you were special."

Here she goes again. Hyde,, is supposedly the person that gifts the family with magic, life, and girls. It's the spirirt who thrones and dethrones us. No matter who we are. According to mom, the next Matriarch could be good or bad, Hyde has a plan for them in the end.

Along with Papa's stories, Hyde was always directed towards me because I was the only girl, excluding my half sister. Truthfully there was no way to know if Hyde was actually real. I'm not even sure if my parents have seen it. Mom would tell me tales at night of different women throughout our generation, chosen by Hyde and how I would be like them someday.

Perfect.

"Hyde doesn't give you this gift for no reason" mom reassures "they always have a plan. You can't see everything in a negative light. What if Hyde chooses Clio and you-"

I stop her at the mention of my youngest name.

"I'm not putting that responsibility on my kid" I say sternly, though It probably won't matter what I tell her "Especially if, no offense, she ends up like you. Completely dependent on Hyde's gift. IT didn't give me any when I was born, like the rest of you, and I'd like it to stay that way."

Silence once more.

"Perhaps you're afraid-"

"I'm not afraid-"

"-its okay."

"-Of this imaginary ghost."

"Sure, keep believing that. But when it happens~" she sings.

"When it happens to me, pigs will fly" I sneer, memories of that same sing song tone prodding at me.

She says nothing.

"Just let it go mom, it's just not meant to be. I'm not a child that you can hide under your wings when hail comes. However your gifts came to be, Hyde, the house, whatever, it must've skipped a generation."

She continues to stir. She sputters "but-but the family-"

"-The family doesn't know what's best for me and neither do you. I know I'm the only daughter to the Matriarch. I know I wasn't born with any gifts like my siblings. I know refusing my path makes me an ungrateful child and Hyde will handle me" I say reciting what I also heard throughout my life "But that's not my life. And I'm not defenseless."

She freezes. More silence.

"And, I mean, it's not like having voodoo is easy. It consumes you and it messes a lot of things up. This worlds order and the next."

"That's what the council is for" my mom mutters finally.

"Oh, right. The council. The same family who's just as dependent as you. Do you even remeber a time where you haven't used your gift and actually did things yourself?"

...

...

"Don't you ever think of letting go of this life? Doing things for yourself and not the family? Hyde? Papa's house? I notice how this changes you as you age. If this is the answer to our problems I wouldn't mind the sea taking this house away for a while-"

"Mama! Mama!"

"Wow, look."

I follow my kids voices and they seek for me, a glimmer of wonder and awe in there wide pupils. My 2 boys are pointing to the window in the living room. My sleeping child is now up, standing on her toes to see what her brothers are looking at.

As I begin to walk In the living room, they're rushing back to the kitchen. I take a peek and see a part of the lawn, including my rental car but the road and the neighborhood is gone. A large amount of visible debris is covering up the world around-

No.

No.

That's not debris. That's not wind.

I follow my kids. They've opened the screen door and ventured into the back yard. I race after them and stop in my tracks. The water barrier has followed us to the backyard. My kids are screaming and dancing in the sprinklers as the hurricane is trapping us in its second eye. The oceanic barrier is circling around is, refusing to touch the property. With my kids instructions I look up, the sky is dark above us like it's the dead of night, yet inside the barrier, its murky like a cloudy day.

I can't concentrate. Excitment. Curiosity. Shock. Chills.

I sigh as my daughter wobbles to me and I scoop her in my arms. I can see it now, worst hurricane in 6 years and the Crobitt house still stands. This is similar but not related to the instance when a pair of swings at the run down school across the house seemingly froze in the air a few years ago... CIA is currently investigating...

I gather my children inside, they were starting to go towards the rushing ocean and who knows what'll happen. I shut the door with a defeated sigh and sulk at the table. The beneits sit gracefully with their powder sugar and I worship it by stuffing it in my mouth.

"I told you..."

I look up. My mothers eyes are glowing that familiar bright green and she has that devious smirk on her face. She always gave me that look as a child as if she's trying to tell me something. That, or it's to prove something, which I still dont know. I dont think I ever will.

"...you're father built this house. No one is taking it from me..."

...

...

"Now, elbows off the table."

-------

If you like to write or be creative, perhaps you need inspiration, go check out this book! Its the best!

[truc0nfessionz]

what would it mean to live up to my full potential?

and how would i measure my success based on what i've done already?

well - between college and now, i've grown through so much

i've always felt kind of lost, on my own plane and in my own lane

i feel like there's no one like me, no one going through what i'm going through

and honestly, i'm probably right.

based on not having a blue print of any kind, i'd measure myself as doing pretty damn well.

cause no one taught me how to be me. how to navigate any of this.

and since then, i've accomplished more than some could dream of.

i've built homes in humans and burned them to the ground

multiple times.

and i've paid out every woman along the way for her sorrows.

i've walked away from the best job i had ever had with blind faith into the unknown

and ended up exactly where i needed to be.

i have been blessed and protected by the universe so many times -

i have angels eyes on me and i can't ever forget that.

and even when i was scared, i've chosen myself

i've tried to put her first, to make her life light

because i knew from too many experience that she's all i'd have at the end of the day.

i've escaped toxic relationships.

i've given pure love.

i saved enough money to buy a house.

and i've fiercely protected the people i love - sometimes even people that didn't deserve it.

today in therapy we talked about needing less external validation.

i feel like i'm having an identity crisis because B isn't here to reflect back to me who i supposedly am

but she was just reflecting back my light. so why is that so hard to see in me?

i am an extremely successful career woman

i have a pure and loving heart

i am passionate, protective, hardworking and kind

i'm hospitable, i'm hilarious, i'm sexy as fuck

and on top of that, i'm stable.

i've got my own damn money, my own damn place

and i don't need a thing from anyone else.

why is it so hard for me to see that?

how would i know when i've done "enough"?

maybe this is a question i've been asking my whole life.

the answer can't be "i would need someone to tell me" because a lot of times - they won't.

i need to know that i've done enough because i tried my best with the purest intentions. i need to know that i gave the energy i could with the knowledge i had and that i truly cared. and if that means that i also got hurt or my heartbroken, then i guess that's the story we tell. but i've still done enough.

i still am enough, every day. regardless of who sees it, who reflects it back. i have to KNOW i'm enough because even when i'm tired, uninspired, afraid to get fired, i am light. i am magic. i am warmth and everything good in this life.

i hope i don't dim my own shine with doubt. or by playing small. i have done so fucking much. i've done more than enough. and i'll continue to do great things because that's who i am in this life.

[starswelike]

Hot beginning (The Heart - Marvel fanfiction)

This is the first chapter of the Marvel fanfiction titled The Heart

Pairing: Loki x OC

Warning: strong language

In this Story you can except:

massive character developement

an OC, who's secretly Not an OC

a hate to love relationship, and love át first sight

Loki becoming stronger

Lots of fun and sassy remarks

Warning again: I have to admit English is not my first language, but I try to learn it. I think writing is a good way to do it, because I love books and stories, and of course, fanfictions. 🙂

So I really hope if you give my story a chance, you won't regret it (and that I can write understandable 😅)

Well, enjoy the Story! ❤️

Chapter - Hot beginning

The armored troop-carrying SUV seemed to be moving at its greatest calm. Thanks to its serious equipment, the passengers could not feel it when the vehicle drove into a pothole, so starkly, keeping its speed, it broke towards their destination. The prestigious vehicle was perfectly suited for the transport of armed troops.

The nine people the monstrous SUV was carrying did not detect at all the wild pace dictated by their driver, middle-aged Dylan Johnson. The man was not a model of patience, it also appeared in his driving style: if he could not get around something on congested inner-city roads, he pushed it down with noble simplicity.

“Next time let's take a helicopter, it'll be faster." He had a slight annoyance between his teeth, though he could not deny that he enjoyed deep down that he was the greatest and that no one could stand in his way. Rather, the reason for his nervousness was that he was afraid of that, another unit was ahead of them. Dylan always wanted to be the first one who arrives to the crime scene, thanks to his competitive personality.

“Just take us there, Johnson. There will be plenty of other reasons for headaches." replied the small team's chief, Commander Miya Okamura, in a harsh tone. Her ominous words were noticed by all of them, knowing Okamura never exaggerated.

“Can you tell me what we're afraid of?”

Juan José Navarro, the team's sniper questioned in cold blood. His eyes and expression reflected his interest before his voice.

"Here's what we know," she began with the boss's usual firm voice. “There's been a report at 177/A Bleecker Street.

“Isn't that the title of that weird Strange?”

Aidan Cole, a handsome man in his 30s, could not wait for the boss to report everything undisturbed, as expected. He had comments all the time. What's more, he once again expressed his disinterest in magic.

"If you spit at Dr. Strange like that, you can scratch off the background of your phone, snitched," grumbled she, the team's med coach, Bria Hornback. “Scarlet Witch is not appropriate for you, who can't respect magic at all.”

“When did you check my phone, Hornback?” he asked with shock.

“I guess I found it out.”

“Wait. So you didn't know? Then how do you...?”

“Are you still asking? You always talk about her as the perfect woman.”

“Don't discuss who's looking at what now.” Okamura put an end to their light-hearted pecking. “Yes, that's where we're going. Wong came to us, Strange's most loyal man, claiming that particular events had taken place there in recent times, but before they could shed light on the secret, someone created a dimension gate that opened with a spell.”

“Can you make that a little clearer, boss?” Ella Willis was shocked. Her face showed the woman's lostness on the subject with undisgued sincerity, but she was not alone in doing so. Bria herself couldn't suddenly imagine what a dimension gate that would open all the time might look like.

"These wielding fuckers have created again," said Aidan, with mere despity. “Tell me, what's our job, boss?”

“Aidan, I'd like to know more about the situation.”

"So am I," said Bria, taking Ella's side. The weapons expert waved off the tea, which she wouldn't have left without a word. She felt the anger that was pouring in from her insides, but she exercised calm, for she knew it was not the best time to create a big-mouthed rival, even though in most cases she was happy to get involved.

“According to Wong, they don't know who caused the complication, which is why they need our help. Since the summoner's identity, and more importantly the spell itself, is not known, it is much more difficult for them to take them out," continued Miya, noting that the discussion had almost swerved in a different direction again. “What we know at the moment is that there's a dimensional gate that opens the way to several other dimensions at the same time. It's also feared to open up to a place where evil creatures sit on pins and needles waiting to be released to Earth.”

“That's tough. Then what do we do?" One of Bria's best companions, Takahashi Arashi, came out in the dismay of his eyes. He probably didn't get any smarter with the explanation; at least he probably didn't understand how the dimensional gate worked. Bria didn't fully understood it either, she didn't blame him, and she thought it was a sympathetic step to clarify what to do.

“According to what was discussed, Strange is trying to find the magic in the library, or a counter-spell to eliminate it. He noted that because he did not know how to eliminate it, at least traditional techniques do not work for the gate, it is feared to have been created by a force that is in the same way as Strange's power." Hearing the commander's remark, they all understood that the task would be more serious than expected, and Bria swallowed a great deal of concern, fearing that she would have to care for many of her comrades. “While the monks are protecting him, we, the S.H.I.E.L.D.'s units, are striving to catch the creatures pouring out of the gate, take them out and most of all, and not let them get away from the area. The lives of innocent civilians are at stake here.”

"That's why I hate all these magicians," shudded Aidan. “Their spells are like a bad experiment, only if it goes wrong, we could be in big shit.”

“Yes, because the gun is obviously completely harmless. Not to mention the nuclear bomb and its associates. And even these are old-fashioned compared to today's new weapons.”

Bria was unable to stop responding to the man's statement, which earned her inciforming gaze.

"The line-up is the usual," continued Okamura, once again noting the little digression. “Saunders is on his way, Ella's covering for him from above. Aidan and Takahashi will follow him with me. Alma, Hornback and Johnson stay in the back and cover Navarro until he can find the best shooting position.”

“I've been looking for some for you, Juan. Do you see them? “ the young technician in the passenger seat, Alma Mariano, turned back.

“Yes, I picked out what I thought.”

They all had digital display phones as work equipment. A fantasy image of the area to be secure has already appeared on it, beamed by S.H.I.E.L.D. satellites. The gate was located in the middle of the four-lane road, which was open in the north-east and southwest. But they weren't aware if anything had come through.

They all saw the small front terrace that Juan had chosen. Okamura nodded, approve of the decision.

“All right, Alma, you cover Navarro and Johnson's got Hornback.”

Bria was very feared for her associates during every operation. The boss always explained this by saying that they needed her, as a med schooler, to save lives, not to risk her own at the forefront. If she's lost, maybe there won't be anyone else to help. She appreciated the same, and it felt great to her that there was always someone to protect her even when she was in the danger zone, but she wasn't completely satisfied. Even though they told her that she deserved it as a med coach, she somehow felt like a clog and longed to fight better on the battlefield. Unfortunately, she only received basic combat training, and the main education for her was physiology, biology, chemistry, all that science. She gained useful knowledge, but at times she felt like a bird locked in a cage.

The bends were felt from slight inclinations. Bria and the people on the same side as her were leaning forward on a left turn, holding them only with their straps in place, when Dylan said:

“That stinking fucking sky! It's like it was in ‘12.”

If she could, Bria would have jumped up to see what might have been out there, but she knew what was late wouldn't go away, so she waited, despite the immense curiosity that consumed her insides. Their driver compared this one to the incident in which the Asgardian gods appeared on Earth, and Loki unleashed an army of alien beings called Chitauri on them. Would that have meant that bloodthirsty race had re-found? There was a chance, the dimension gate gave them every opportunity.

She took it upon herself with a big sigh, and decided that she would do everything she could to make sure that no such great devastation could occur again. That old case did enough damage to her and her life, and she was just one of them. To this day, countless people have thought of that day with anger, grief, sadness, and they all had their rightful reasons.

Takahashi put his hand on her shoulder and stroked it a little to help her relax a little. Perhaps he did it a little more gently than he should have, but Bria appreciated that and his smile. That man knew her too well, he noticed her tension. She couldn't have kept anything from him.

As soon as the vehicle stopped, they untied their seat belts and armed and prepared for the command.

“Johnson, what do you see?”

'Well, there's trouble' murmured the man, then exchanged a meaningful look with Alma sitting next to him. ‘Conventional weapons won't work here. Some creatures don't even have a solid body that pops up.”

It didn't prove a little reassuring to hear that. Although the arms industry also tried to keep up with magic and space technology, the most widespread weapon was still the one that threw up bullets. True, those who fired shots similar to those of the late Iron Man's energy beams began to gain ground. Fortunately, S.H.I.E.L.D. circles did not prove to be a problem to obtain these types, yet Bria was less confident in grabbing her small pistol, which was handed to her after the gun cabinet was opened. She didn't have one, only that and her combat knife.

“Let's go, let's go” Okamura commanded, and Saunders opened the back doors at that moment.

It couldn't be put off any longer, so Bria swallowed all her tensions and went with her companions as discussed. Saunders cut forward with a huge gun, Ella pulled over his head with the help of a jet-pack. Just as Okamura and they discussed, everyone was grouped together to whom they were commanded. Bria waited for Johnson, and together they cleaned up the creatures that got close to them.

The view turned out to be astonishing. At first glance, they couldn't figure out the tangle. Despite the fact that Bria thought it might be time for her to finally be in the lead, Bria was grateful that she could stay a little behind to map the field. If she had been in the front, she would suddenly not have known what to do, but the others shooted at their opponents almost without thinking, reflex, habit.

The sparkly dimension gate was located right in the middle of the road, as the digital map showed. When she looked into it, Bria saw that the place changed from second to second. She saw worlds she never dreamed of. There were some strangers from where they came from. Flaming skeletons or icy giants, splashing swamp creatures or space creatures floating in ghost form. From the horrible to the more beautiful, there were all sorts of things, but thank goodness not all the areas where the gate opened proved dangerous.

With a big leap, a strange, blue-bodied creature, looking like a half-grown frog, landed near her. It was ugly, especially I’s huge canine teeth, which it clapped towards Bria. The woman was startled by the unexpected incident, but she was neither a beginner nor a clumsy one, so she quickly put her gun on him and destroyed the ugly creature with an energy beam.

Dr. Stephen Strange was not present. He must have been wildly looking for a counter-spell. His disciples and members of the order, on the other hand, have been very aides in capturing the terrible creatures. They were mostly pushed into other dimensions, and the monks were very smart. If a creature came from underwater, it was sent to the desert, which came from the cold, thrown next to lava. The cruel but useful procedure has brought its results, and for the time being they have managed to control the various species, none have ever attacked anyone. It was a real relief for Bria to see that the situation was under control. So she aimed her targets with much more confidence. Unfortunately, sometimes she found someone who had just been sent through a dimension gate from under her nose, but it was better to try twice than not once.

“That's going to be fine. Only the doc has to rush” said Dylan, and the medic nodded.

If everything had stayed that way, the situation would have been resolved over time, but no one said that more serious opponents would arrive. The gate made sure it opened in most of the places that exist. Some were given the moment it saw the gate that opened at their home, and some of them were unwittingly dragged in. And Bria was the first to see him.

It's been more than ten years since Bria was attacked in Manhattan. The losses she suffered that day proved to be heavy for her. Although she always thought she could never make amends, and she had to learn to live with the thought that what she lost that day would never get her back, she was overwhelmed with feelings of anger and vengeance when that day came up or whatever hinted at it. That's why she was so ready to act in the open-plan, but the moment she saw Loki unearthed from the gate, who could not be mistaken for anyone else, she was blinded by rage to the extent she had never before. At the same time, she felt a sudden desire to act. If she catches that cunning but dangerous god, they'll finally, maybe for once in her life, appreciate her and realize that she's dynamic, too.

Anger is not a good counselor. Bria, who always tried to act judiciously, even if it was difficult, proved unable to restrain herself this time. She wasn't thinking, she was just doing what she wanted to do in those moments.

“Loki!" She screamed, like a wild Amazon, and immediately threw herself toward him, not counting, not caring about the command, nor her team, nor the potential danger. She just wanted to get close to him before God knows what he would do. Bria's only advantage was that she was on her way before Loki could even figure out what had happened to him. She could tell he didn't intend to be here at all. His face was clear with surprise and anger.

Bria almost instinctively pushed aside those who got in her way, could have been her teammates, Strange's men or monsters. It's like Loki was in the crosshairs, and she waded through anything to get to him.

“Hornback, stop!” Okamura shouted at her, hearing it loudly over the radio, but not she heeded it. She wouldn't let anyone stop her.

Loki seemed to be surrounded by a faint blue light. Although Bria had never seen anything like it before, she didn't dilate, and she kicked off and caught the Asgardian before the light flash blinded her.

The next thing she knows, she's feeling them fall and she's burying Loki under herself. She didn't even notice it was hot, and everything looks so red. She wanted it too much. She sat on Loki's chest and held his hands down.

“I've got you!” she declared triumphantly. At that moment, their eyes met. She could see Loki’s confusion, and then his pupils dilated. Bria didn't know where to put this. She thought maybe the god of mischief had seen something that scared him, and her vanity was fading at the thought that it might be her.

Then she noticed the change of environment. She looked carefully around, not yielding to her grip, and discovered they were near a volcano, on a protruding rock, plenty of hot air. And Loki didn't look at all like he was having a good time. He was sweaty, his eyes fell in and his lip was dry.

A dimension gate opened, and they all caught their heads to see an overly muscular creature, resembling a minotaur of legends, fall straight into the hot magna. Their demonic cries, while burning, penetrated to the veal, Bria trembled for a moment, but she ruled.

"I didn't want to come here," murmured Loki under his nose, looking at Bria, as if he expected the answer to the big question of how they got here.

"They probably caught us with a dimension gate and sent us here."

"And why are you here, pretty eyes?"

Bria didn't show anything because of her equipment, just her eyes. They were just as blue as the sky on the most beautiful summer days. Loki looked at her with a peculiar smile, he seemed so confident, she wanted to shout at him, but now she finally ruled herself. She took the first step, caught him and got close to him. She quickly completed the final phase before Loki could escape, pulled a tiny circular object from one of her waistline bags and quickly pushed it to his neck.

"Auch" he hissed and Bria pressed the button in the middle of the device to activate itself. "What's this?"

"It blocks magic" she smiled, smiling slyly, and even good enough to lean close to the face of the God, looking even closer into his eyes, emphasized what she had to say. "You're my captive."

"Hm" sighed Loki and rolled his eyes. Somehow, the threats never work, and he's already reached out to rip the device out of his neck. Bria quickly pressed the button on the remote control for the device, and her prisoner shocked throughout his body and froze.

"If you do something I don't like, count on me to torture you."

"There's has to be a time when you're not watching" chuckled Loki. He was ready for the challenge, he wasn't daunted, even when Bria was sure he wouldn't get out of it. She leaned even closer to him. She herself behaved in a challenging way, feeling in the saddle.

"Test me."

They stared into each other's eyes for a long time. Loki didn't move either. It seemed serious, as if he had studied his situation, but Bria's attention was not abated. But she couldn't deny her excitement. For all the things he did that day, Loki could now be penalized and she was happy to be so close to him. She's heard the saying more than once, revenge isn't worth anything, but it's proved undeniable that it's sweet.

"What do you intend to do to me now?"

If they were already in the crater of a volcano, there must have been a reason to be lured. Bria could have rolled Loki down into magna, he probably wouldn't have survived, especially with a teaser blocking his strength around his neck. Her gaze suggested that she had thought for a moment about this possibility. Once and for all, ridding a villain of the world turned out to be truly graceful, but in the end she followed protocol by pushing his position indicator so that if they sought her out, they would find her.

"It's an enjoyable position, the way you sit on top of me, but maybe we should move."

He was sick of the heat, which is why the Asgardian was talking. Bria, on the other hand, wasn't touched by that. Seeing him suffer was a pleasure for her.

"Commander Okamura!" She told his transceiver, but the static chatter revealed that they wouldn't be receiving it. "The rocks are shielding the channel."

"Should I take you somewhere else?"

"Listen, the easiest thing for me would be to push you into the lava, so you better not pull the plug."

He smiled again. He’s never been scared of threats? Bria was a little amazed by this, but at the same time annoyed, but calmed herself with a quick sigh. She couldn't let Loki mislead her. She knew exactly how emotional manipulation could achieve his goals, which is to escape at the moment. If she’s already captured him, she really didn't want him to get out of hand.

She was hot, but not as hot as Loki. The Asgardian was tormented by the symptoms of heat, while Bria simply took the mask off her face and then the helmet off her head. She left her blond hair in a bun, and to torture his prisoner even more, she took out her canteen and pulled a big one out of it. Deliberately so that the fine water drips over her face, and then on her waterproof clothes, a few drops reach Loki. She looked at the man with a sarcastic smile, barely visibly licking her mouth, his eyes almost staring out, so he observed. This filled her with satisfaction, and she even made a small laugh.

"You're an evil woman, you know that?" Loki said softly. Although him tone might have been surprising, Bria ignored it.

"I'm just enjoying the moment."

"As do I."

"What?" she tipped his head to the side. "I can tell you're about to die of heat, and you can't even get the teaser out of your neck, because if you reach for it, I'm going to push the button. What is it that you can enjoy now?"

He smiled again. Despite the circumstances that were really causing him suffering, Loki was very easy to use to confuse Bria. She was terrified to realize that he had already begun manipulating her, as he had piqued her curiosity.

" Yes, even though you can see that I'm not a fan of heat, the energies that come out of you, the passion, the sexuality, the confidence, and how beautiful you are and how close you are to me..."

"Are you seriously complimenting me?!" Bria screamed, as did another being that they didn't pay attention to, but in the meantime it got here and fell into the lava. Loki smiled like rabies. The Asgardian was crazy, if he really thought it would take her off his feet. The woman was sure that Loki had not taken a word seriously, if only because of his great egotistical reputation, which, because of his divinity, looked down on people so despised that he would have condemned them directly to servitude. When someone felt this way about humanity, the compliment could not have been real, but in Loki's case, the issues should be treated with reservations.

"What's so surprising?" The man's half-smile would have been quite heartwarming with those sparkling eyes if it wasn't for Loki who Bria hated so much because of the old attack. "Don't they ever tell you how beautiful you are? Or are your fellow human beings so blind?"

"Don't think I'm going to fall for the honey-glazed words. You're a god, and I'm a human. You look down on us."

"But I recognize beauty."

"You're just trying to embarrass me so you can manipulate me."

"Yes, because I'm guessing you're trying to lock me up somewhere. I can see the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo pinned to your chest."

Bria almost screamed at Loki not to stare at her breasts, but she couldn't let anger take control of her. The Asgardian tried hard to get out, obviously by all means. She was starting to feel uncomfortable alone with Loki. She was really hoping the beacon sent the notification. Even if the radio waves were blocked, the position indicator sent a signal to every satellite in existence, which could then be decoded in S.H.I.E.L.D's central application.

"I am surprised by your sincerity," she replied, more calmly than she had first planned.

"At the same time if I can't escape, I'll try to enjoy every moment with you at least."

"I'm afraid I'm not enjoying anything with you."

"You sat on my chest quite easily. Maybe you could do it to my lap too."

"With these perverse innuendos, you're not going to get anything from me," chuckled Bria. "Even though I haven't had a relationship yet, I'm not embarrassed by the subject of sexuality. "

"What do you mean?"

"Do you know how many people make pig comments about me at work? I had to learn to handle these."

"I guess other people recognize the beauty you have," said Loki, raising his eyebrows with some anger, which gave Bria joy in the hope that these compliments would finally spare him. "But now that I've found out you're a virgin, you seem interestingly more attractive to me."

"Come on, don't make a stand. I know you despise me for being human, so I can't be attractive to you."

"Why is Hornback written on your dress? Is that your name?"

"Yes, I'm Bria Hornback," she nodded, it's okay for Loki to remember her name." What's wrong with it?"

"It's such an interesting coincidence, don't you think?" the Asgardian flashed that half-smile meant to be alluring again, and his eyes shone despite all his suffering. "Your name is Hornback, and I have a helmet with horns swerved back..."

"Don't explain to me that we have anything in common." Bria was still more restrained than she first wanted, while the sounds of death filled the space. "You're a monster!"

"What did I do to you to hate me so much? Or are you like this because of New York?"

Bria kept quiet. Her ears were hurt by the bitter cry of another creature. Death proved to be shocking, no matter how it came.

But she didn't stay quiet because she wanted to hear the cry so much. She just didn't want to answer the question.

"You don't know me, yet you judge me," continued the Asgardian. "Tell me, do you really think you guys are so flawless? I mean, judging isn't a very nice gesture."

"I didn't say we are, but you did enough damage to my life to make me hate you."

"Yes, it was a big mistake, and yes, I'm guilty. Since then, however, there have been a lot of events that have made me change, so..."

"Oh, don’t you dare make yourself look as a good guy." she snapped. "You're evil, the god of mischief, unreliable, and..."

"Don't be so stupid!"

Loki's voice thundered with anger for the first time, which frightened her. The word was stuck in her throat.

"Are you seriously going to put a little tip on everyone? Good and evil? White and black? You should know by now that there's no one in the universe who has only good or bad qualities. We all have our faults. Even you, Bria."

It turned out to be an odd feeling when Loki called her by her name. Despite the fact that he intended his monologue to be a reproach, it was as if the man found her worthy calling by her name. That said, after he liked her last name, maybe she shouldn't have been surprised.

"You're not treating me like an equal. You judge me without knowing me. You're being this erotic, and you're putting me through this heat. These are bad qualities."

"Merry Christmas! I hope you're pleased with your discovery."

"You're as cynical as I am," laughed Loki, but his throat was scratched. Maybe he was starting to dry out. "They say cynicism is a sign of intelligence."

"Do you have anything else to study on me?"

"Interestingly, the more I learn about you, the more I care about you."

'Wow, That’s good for me. " Bria sighed not a little joyously.

Suddenly she saw a bright flash of light in the sky. A helicopter appeared over the crater, and the beam of light settled on them after some searching. Bria's relieved to see this.

"This is Bria Hornback, med school of Commander Miya Okamura's unit," said she to her transceiver after setting up the general S.H.I.E.L.D. channel, holding one eye on Loki. "I have a captive I'm asking for urgent support for. I catched Loki!"

"All right, Agent Hornback." received the answer via radio. "We're taking Loki into custody immediately. We help you! Please don't move."

Bria smiled for the first time with a truly great exultation at the man who had been laid down. His face finally showed a slight sign of disappointment.

"So you succeeded," he said resonantly.

"If there's anyone you shouldn't look down on, it's me. "

"I'd add, for now. Because I can't guarantee I'll stay with you for a long time."

Bria looked deep in Loki’s eyes, and the feelings of victory were gone. It was perhaps the first sentence she believed without doubt and took as a warning. She did not want to tell the Asgardian that she was up to the challenge.

[thrivous]

Dr. Jordan Roberts is a Thrivous science advisor and an advocate of the flu shot. He recently sat down with a flu-shot-curious mom, Blaire Ostler. Together, they discussed her questions and concerns, such as:

Should I get a flu shot? Does the flu shot work?

What is in the flu shot? Is the flu shot a live virus?

Can you get the flu from the flu shot? Can the flu shot make you sick?

When to get flu shot? How long does the flu shot last?

At the end, Jordan and Blaire also discuss the possibility of coronavirus vaccinations. Here's a recording of their discussion, followed by an edited transcript:

Blaire: Welcome, everyone. I'm here today with Dr. Roberts. And I'm really glad that you've agreed to talk to me about the flu shot because, I plead guilty, I don't get the flu shot. I don't give my kids the flu shot. And, to be honest with you, I'm painfully ignorant on the topic. And I'm wondering if you can help answer some questions and clear things up to me, so that I can make a more informed decision about whether or not I want to get the flu shot.

Jordan: Absolutely. I'd be happy to.

Blaire: Awesome. Okay. So one of my first concerns about the flu shot is: I heard that getting the flu shot is actually giving you the flu.

Jordan: That's a really valid concern. I think that makes perfect sense for you as a person and as a mother. You wouldn't want to give yourself or your kids something that could be harmful. Right? And, as your doctor, I wouldn't want to do that either. In fact, I took an oath when I graduated from medical school that I would first do no harm.

That's a very common misconception. But I think I can answer your question quite simply. No. You cannot get the flu from the flu shot. It's theoretically impossible.

Blaire: And how is that the case?

Jordan: Because the flu shot is not a live vaccine. It's not even killed vaccine. It's what we're calling "recombinant" vaccine. So it relies on a newer technology that's DNA-based. And I can explain what those terms mean, if you'd like.

Blaire: Yeah. Please. So what's the difference between a live vaccine and a dead vaccine and what we use now?

Jordan: Sure. The very first flu vaccinations came about a hundred years ago, after the great Spanish Flu pandemic that killed scores of millions of people. They were very crude technologies but a major advance in public health.

They would actually grow live cultures of the whole flu virus particle in animals or other tissues, like mice or the eggs of chickens. And then they would insert a small needle into that live culture full of the virus particles, and push that under the skin of the person receiving the vaccine.

That person was literally being given the flu, but not in the traditional way that most of us catch the flu, which is through our respiratory system. So their symptoms were slightly different. They didn't have a lot of the cough and headache and runny nose that most of us experience when we get the flu.

But they did have the muscle aches and the fevers and those other symptoms, some of the gastrointestinal symptoms. But it was typically more of a mild case. And if that person was exposed to a person who actually had the respiratory flu later on, they were immune, which was the whole point of the exercise.

This was first done in the army and other places where you have a captive audience. But once it was demonstrated that this was safe, and that it was effective, it became widespread. It was routinely recommended.

A little bit later, people realized that was maybe not a great deal, to give people a living virus. And somebody had this insight: what if we destroyed the particle? What if we exposed it to some harmful chemicals or we boiled it, to make the little flu virus particle fall apart?

We showed that to the immune system in the form of a shot. And this was the birth of the true flu shot: a fluid in a syringe that goes into your body. This is what we call a "killed" vaccine. It's all the same parts. But they are destroyed either through being exposed to boiling water, formaldehyde, or ethanol.

Blaire: But they're still effective?

Jordan: Absolutely. And it's much safer. So the people wouldn't have the flu. They would have some of the same symptoms at the injection site: redness and swelling and pain, similar to what we'd get now. But not the true flu illness, unless a few of those viral particles managed to escape that destruction process.

Blaire: But even that isn't what we use today though?

Jordan: No. It's not. That was much safer and just as effective and was the standard of care for decades until the genomic revolution, when we started to understand that DNA is the common language that all life shares. And we decoded the DNA sequences of the flu genome.

The flu has just a short string of different genes that code for its various parts. A virus is a very simple, minimalist organism. It's essentially the perfect parasite. It has just enough genes to get into your body and hijack your body's own cells to make massive amounts of itself: new viral particles.

So, for example, the influenza virus has two major, what I call, "trojan horse" proteins, located on the outside of its shell. And then it has the shell. And then, on the inside is its genome, a piece of DNA or RNA in this case. It's a very simple thing.

We know some things about what happens if we can show the body those trojan horse proteins, what we call the "H" and "N" proteins. You've probably heard of things like the H1N1 virus. And those refer to specific proteins, found on the surface of the virus particle, that trick your body into thinking it's something interesting, to take it into itself, and then it's got you.

It inserts its DNA into your cell. And that cell is going to die. That cell is going to be hijacked and become nothing more than a virus-producing factory. And when your body's immune cells discover that the cell has been hijacked, they trigger it for apoptosis or programmed cell death, or suicide to stop this threat of infection.

What we do now, with our recombinant vaccine technology, is take the DNA for those viral particles, H and N. And we put that little piece of DNA inside a vector, usually a chicken egg embryo. And we co-opt that embryo to make massive amounts of those H and N proteins. Then we purify those proteins. And that's what goes in the shot.

Knowing this, that you're only seeing the H and N proteins, does that make sense why it's impossible to get the flu from a flu shot?

Blaire: It does. But what else goes into the vaccine? Is there any mercury involved, or anything like that?

Jordan: That's also another very good point. Certain doses of the flu vaccine come in what we call a "multi-dose" vial, where you draw multiple doses for dozens of people from the same vial. Those vials do require a preservative. And, as part of that preservative cocktail, there are some mercury-containing chemicals.

Mercury is a natural element, found in nature. There are certain forms of it that are toxic to us, certainly. And we know those forms. We'd never put harmful amounts of those forms of mercury in something that I give to a person.

So, yes, while there is mercury in those multi-dose vials, in the single-dose vials, there's not. Those don't require preservative.

Blaire: How often are the different vials used? Or how do you know if you're getting a multi-dose vial or a single-dose vial?

Jordan: It depends on the age of the patient who's receiving the vaccine, and the maker of the vaccine. There are only a handful of pharmaceutical companies that make the flu shot every year. And I can talk about how they choose which strains to go in.

Blaire: How do you even know how to make the flu shot? What are you injecting into me?

Jordan: That's a very good question. You've probably heard things like: "I've heard that the flu vaccine varies in its effectiveness from year to year." Right?

Blaire: Yeah. Exactly, because that's the point. If I'm going to inject myself with something, I want to have a good chance that it's actually going to do something. Right?

Jordan: Absolutely.

Blaire: So how does that work?

Jordan: We want it to be both safe and effective.

Blaire: Yes.

Jordan: The important thing to remember is that when it's summer, here, in the northern hemisphere, it's winter somewhere. It's flu season somewhere else. The CDC (Centers for Disease Control) in Atlanta has good partnerships with other similar organizations in places in the southern hemisphere, places like Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, Chile, and Argentina. And they share information.

When it's our summer, and it's the height of flu season in the southern hemisphere, those organizations are sharing data back and forth. They're telling us which strains of the flu they are seeing that are causing the majority of disease. The CDC graciously accepts that information and shares in turn, when it's our turn.

Then they put all that information into these complex mathematical algorithms that predict human migration, based on things like shipping lanes and cruise ships and air travel. All of these other things go into the formula. And it gets better and better with every year.

It's not a silver bullet. It's not a crystal ball. This is the cutting edge of science. But there's no way to know with 100% certainty which strains are going to come north when it's our turn. We have to rely on statistics.

Blaire: So, percentage-wise, what would it be like? How effective is this going to be? Do you have a percent?

Jordan: On average, the effectiveness, meaning the correlation between the strains that are chosen to go in the vaccine ahead of the flu season and the ones we actually end up seeing, is pretty close. I'd say, on average, it's about 75% effective, which means that some years are better and some years worse.

A few years ago, there was a pretty rough year, where the correlation between the ones we saw and the ones we were prepared for was only about 25%. 25% is better than zero. And zero is the percent chance you have of being immune if you don't get vaccinated.

Blaire: But if I do get vaccinated then what are some of the side effects that I can expect from being injected with this?

Jordan: Typically, the side effects are localized to where you get the injection: things like redness, soreness at the site of the injection, pain, and low-grade fever. Those are typically mild and temporary, two or three days at most. And they usually respond really well to things like ice, ibuprofen, and rest.

The chances of having a more severe reaction, like an anaphylactic reaction, severe pain, or a more rare complication, like Guillain-Barré ascending paralysis or death, from the flu shot is incredibly small. I mean, your chances of winning the lottery or being struck by lightning are better.

Blaire: Okay. Let's say I forego the flu shot. I don't want to worry about any side effects. I'm really healthy. And I don't really get sick that often anyway. Why do I need to get flu shot?

Jordan: I hear that a lot. That's probably the most common response that I get from my healthy young patients, who just don't understand why I'm recommending it. And you're right. If you got the flu, it would be a couple weeks of misery. Have you been sick recently? Have you had the flu recently?

Blaire: Yeah. I actually did get the flu this season. And I did not get the flu shot. So I'm very curious.

Jordan: So you probably remember. It was two weeks when you felt like you were going to die.

Blaire: Yeah. It was brutal.

Jordan: Yeah. High fevers, muscle aches. You know, it's pretty rough. But you're young and healthy. So you probably will bounce back pretty quickly. Right?

The tricky thing about the flu and the important thing to remember is that it's a highly evolved thing. And it is evolved to continue to spread. If every person who got flu, on the day they got sick and started to have symptoms, would go to isolate themselves then they would prevent other people from coming in contact with them. In some sense, the virus knows this.

It doesn't have a brain. It can't really know it. But it has evolved a mechanism to get around that. That mechanism is that when you are exposed then there's actually a lapse in time between when you are contagious and when you start to develop symptoms. And it's during that time that you are shedding or spreading the virus.

Blaire: So, for a couple days, I could be spreading the virus without even knowing I have the virus in the first place. And I can be giving it to someone far more vulnerable than myself.

Jordan: Exactly. Someone who is younger, older, whose immune system is not really up to snuff, on chemotherapy or on some sort of medication for a problem like arthritis or Crohn's disease, where their immune system is being suppressed: those are the people who get very sick from the flu, people who end up in the hospital, people who die from the flu.

And God forbid if that should happen and you were the one who gave them that. In a way, you are indirectly responsible for their illness and death.

Blaire: So what I'm hearing is it's not just about vaccinating myself. It's about creating this kind of vaccinated environment in which to protect the vulnerable members of your tribe.

Jordan: Exactly. It's about being a good steward of the public health. In epidemiology, we have a term for that. And that's "herd immunity." When we have a very healthy immune herd, they create a sort of shield or protective barrier around those few in our midst who are vulnerable or unvaccinated. And they protect from and prevent these large-scale outbreaks of things that are very contagious, like the flu virus.

To get that real immunity benefit, we have to have high levels of immunity and vaccinations, levels above 75% to 80%. Unfortunately, we don't typically reach that in America. Most years, we succeed in vaccinating about 50% of the adult population against the flu.

But that's pretty good in a country of 350 million people. That's literally more than a hundred million people who get the flu shot every year. And how many of them have a major serious reaction or die from the flu on a given year? It's maybe one or two.

Blaire: How many people die of the flu?

Jordan: Tens of thousands.

Blaire: Okay. So the chances of dying of the flu shot are significantly less than dying of the flu?

Jordan: Not even in the same ballpark.

Blaire: Not even in the same ballpark. So I'm a mom. I have three kids. And, while I am concerned with herd immunity, I'm more concerned about my individual children. So could you explain to me, then, are there any differences in giving the flu shot to healthy adults, someone like myself, and then my younger children? I have a twelve-year-old, a nine-year-old, and a six-year-old. And then, how young is too young to get the flu shot?

Jordan: That's a great question. And it's changing. With new vaccines coming on the market, the youngest age possible that we can give them is going down. And we have now different strengths available for different people at different ages.

The typical flu shot, what we call "quadrivalent" shot, protects you from four strains of the virus that the CDC has identified. These are the big four that we really want to make sure that most people get immunized against.

For people who are 65 and above, we have what we call our "high-dose" flu shot, which can be for twelve to fifteen strains. Those are people who are much more likely to be acutely ill and die from the flu. So we give them a broader range of protection.

And now there's even one in the middle that's approved for people who are 50 and older. It covers about ten strains.

Now, I haven't mentioned at all the flu mist, the nasal spray. That is truly a live vaccine, what we call a "live attenuated" vaccine. It's been weakened a little bit to produce a less vigorous kind of response. But it is truly a whole particle that we give to children to avoid a shot.

It's not available every year because it's very difficult to grow in culture. So some years it just doesn't make it to market in time. In those years, we do use the shot for kids. But some years, it is available. It's not a good idea if your child suffers from respiratory problems or asthma, though. You should still give them the shot.

In general, we recommend the flu vaccination for children as young as six months old. And if a mother is breastfeeding then to continue breastfeeding through that season is really important.

Blaire: When do you recommend I give my kids and myself the flu shot? If we're going to go get the flu shot, I want it to be effective. When do I do this?

Jordan: That's a great question. Here we are, kind of late in the flu season. It's not too late. We continue to see flu cases pop up through April. But the ideal time to get your flu shot is early in the fall: September, October. That's typically when we get the flu shot in stock. So I'd say, this year, if you decide to go ahead and take the plunge and get it yourself and for your kids, go to your doctor's office or pharmacy, come late September, early October.

Blaire: What about for people who say, I already had the flu this season, so I'm going to be good the rest of season.

Jordan: I wish it were so. But it's not. We are locked in an arms race with the flu. The flu virus is constantly mutating, which is why we have to create a new flu vaccine every year to kind of play catch-up, cat-and-mouse, with this flu virus.

Now, there is real hope that, at some point in the future, we will have what we call the universal flu vaccine: one flu vaccine that you can get, either a single injection or a series, as a child and develop lifelong immunity against all strains of influenza forever, that ever could be.

Blaire: It's like super children, immune to the flu.

Jordan: And when we have that, we'll see the flu go the way of the dinosaur, the way of smallpox. It will be eradicated in humans. I'd say that vaccine, while we're making important progress towards that, it's not ready for the limelight. It's still probably ten maybe even fifteen years away. But it definitely is something that we are working on and, I think, something that we will see in our lifetime: a true universal flu shot, which is really exciting.

Until then, though, the annual flu shot is still our best defense against pandemic influenza.

Blaire: My final question, then, I have to ask. While I trust the data, and I'm trusting everything you're saying, but at the end of the day, I'm making these decisions based upon emotions. And what I need to know from you is: do you give your kids the flu vaccine?

Originally published at thrivous.com on March 14, 2020 at 07:40PM.

[badapricot]

Coming to your anonymous with a quite long ask to discuss lw and the last episode further. 🙋‍♀️

At first I will say 100% agreement with the collective feelings of everyone about the way they chose to handle the ep. It's that it's not bad, it's just missing a lot that's up in the air for the viewer to go through and try to make out a full picture. (I tried and i'll explain what I got, it's what I want to discuss).

The thing about lw that I see now after it's finished is that it yes, does commentary about the bl industry but just doesn't flash out carry that burden into its entire identity. They are trying to start that discussion in a smart way while not taking itself too seriously because after all we have a romcom in our hands! I think somehow they don't want to go for a higher weight than they could carry because it's a still fresh try at it.

Now to the episode and how my effort to understand what happened went (I'll only speak about some points regarding the reconciliation):

1- the four months were actually more of waiting for gene to wear down and fully embrace his "need" of nubsib in his life? -> the more I think about the scenes, we just don't get anything to understand from them except the gene is just still, waiting, worn out and both professionally and personally is in need of nubsib to show up in front of him. nubsib on the other hand isn't even a focus 😂 (the biggest flow if I might say of the series is that we just never have his point of view, we see him from gene's eyes and nothing more) nubsib as their argument went wanted gene but he saw how he was distressed so he played along I guess? If gene can't say out loud that he can be with him those four months away from the public eye so I'll do both things myself 😂 have gene be by himself till he loses every last bit of defense against me and i'll go by his wish till my contract is over. (THEY COULD JUST TELL US THS)

2- the remembering the past and then the count to 10 then kiss is an analogy directed at their younger selves, how gene used to count and close his eyes for sib to kiss his cheek as a mean of making up after a problem. I specifically think the hazy dream-like atmosphere of the entire sequence is not necessarily how it happened? but more like the feel of it? also with how it started and ended with jap being there before with gene alone and after with both of them. (we know how jap was the one that helped nubsib everytime before to get closer to gene)

Despite how I can totally explain this point I just think it was possible for them to flash it out more. I know that conveying this message in scenes and conversations would take long but they could have also chosen other direction with the characters?

The some thing I appreciate so much about this is the connection to the beginning from gene's view. we have nubsib telling him that he took his time to understand his feelings as a child but gene didn't. I actually kinda found it strange when I was watching how when hin asked him to go home? he went to his family's house? and when jap talked about the inspiration and gene said his own story he went down the memory lane of the childhood instead of his present with nubsib? what would you think is the message there? Is it that he needed to layer his feelings down to the young gene and see how actually did like sib then also? Or it's his subconscious thinking back to how he left sib in their hiding place and he kept waiting for him while he was actually leaving? Was it that he was going back to that young sib waiting for him?

I think it's an interesting idea but not within enough time frame to get us to undertones the point. It just depended solely on gene and his inner feelings that we also didn't hear. 😂 while sib was waiting on the side lines or let's say gene kept him waiting beside him till he counted the magical ten? 😂

3- this point is just me thinking how the extra cut thing despite providing new content for us is for them and for the plot kinda not that important because they can't put important plot point in it and be deleted from the actual broadcast on the channel. so it's not like us saying they could've used the extra time for better can help. with that said I really loved the fairytale settings. It was so cute and fun.

WHEW THAT WAS LONG😅....

I'm sorry, I'm at the end of a long ask answering binge so I might not be able to match everything you wrote because I don't have the energy, but lemme see if I can get to everything:

I totally agree that Lovely Writer left too much up to interpretation because Tee thinks that viewers can read his mind despite the fact that he's producing a TV show which is a visual and audible medium. Characters need to say or at least imply things for us to understand them. Things should not need to be explained in the BTS for fans to understand what happened when you have over an hour of airtime. That's bad writing.

I don't think Nubsib was purposefully breaking Gene down. I think he stayed away from Gene to show that he could be mature because he saw that there was no way out of the mess he had made and if he tried to solve it in immature ways, Gene wouldn't have forgiven him. Gene didn't want him to solve it by quitting or with money, like a spoiled brat. He wanted him to fulfill his obligations. Because Nubsib was patient, he got his reward. But I agree with your assessment that the break was about making Gene realize how much he needed Nubsib. I just don't think Nubsib was intentionally torturing him or anything. Of course, none of these things were communicated to the viewer cause Tee thinks we're mind readers.

Same deal for the scene where Gene is wandering around his house hallucinating. It was a hazy dream sequence with lots of vague meaning that viewers need to infer. I don't think that's how it exactly happened because I don't think Gene is actually schizophrenic. It was all dreams and metaphors. I don't know what Gene was thinking or how Sib got there. On your question about interpreting why Gene thought of young Sib and not grown up Nubsib I think it's because that's when he first loved Nubsib, even when it wasn't romantic. We can see him struggle with this when he instinctively tries to baby grown up Nubsib after the big reveal, and he struggles with the idea that this buff hunk is also his cute little neighbour. I don't think they were indicating that Gene reciprocated that young and didn't understand his feelings but it's up to interpretation. In the book I think Gene did reciprocate because he told Nubsib he'd be his bride to comfort him, or something like that.

I agree that they could have cut the fairytale scenes or included them as bonus footage in exchange for clearer writing and explanations. The fairytale scenes are cute but not that important. Plot is more important than a dream sequence.