#i am once again begging for the thirst gods to release me from this struggle

[kindahoping4forever]

Luke @ The 5SOS Show Tour London

[whereisten]

The Interview

A Doyoung fic that’s part of our Halloween Series!

Summary: you’re a journalist that just booked her biggest gig, an interview with Doyoung, a vampire notorious for a series of murders in your city.

Pairing: Vampire!Doyoung x female reader

Other characters: Best friend!Johnny

Genre: horror, angst, smut, violence

Word count: 8.7 K

Warnings: blood mention, descriptions of murder and violence, cursing, smut! (Threesome (MMF), breast fondling, fingering, male masturbation, oral sex, penetration, slight overstimulation, c*eampie.), mentions of chains and knives.

A/N: I am sorry for taking so long to post this, but I hope you enjoy!! I didn’t proofread (shocker) so there may be some errors but I will fix them later. THANK YOU GUYS AGAIN FOR THE SUPPORT FOR OUR HALLOWEEN SERIES AHHHH!! It’s been so much fund and I hope you guys enjoy the last few fics we have coming up!!

----------

You entered the house and walked hesitantly inside, looking around to observe all of the meticulous paintings and art. The mansion was dark and gloomy, it sent a chill through your body to imagine all of the horrors and secrets it held within it. So much murder, so much blood and death. And yet, it was kept in pristine condition by a loyal maid. Not a speck of dust in sight, and no stench to even indicate a single crime having been committed.

You sat down in his office on a cushioned loveseat before you  placed your recorder on the coffee table in between your seat and his.

You heard the jingles of his handcuffs and the many footsteps of police entering a few minutes after.

He sat down across from you as you cleared your throat. You noticed his irritated and burgundy red wrists being burned by the handcuffs around them made of pure silver.

He was stunning, like a painting himself. His skin looked like it was made of the most expensive marble, his eyes looked playful, but held a dark glint about them that you couldn’t shake. His arms were in front of him as his hands were held together by the handcuffs, you couldn’t ignore the obvious presence of his biceps as they strained against the thin material of his long sleeved prison uniform. His veins also bulged from his wrists all the way to his neck.

The devastatingly handsome man looked...hungry.

His tongue darts out over his bottom lip as he watches you observe his features.

“Oh, a pretty one for once, thank God.” He smirks.

You look at him sternly and press record on the mechanism in between you two.

“Good afternoon, Doyoung, my name is y/n. Today, I’ll be asking you a few questions about the crimes you’ve committed, but first, I would like for you to confirm your identity.”

You hold your iPad in your arm and start to type a description of his features and what he is wearing.

Doyoung laughs.

You stop writing and look up at him.

“What’s the matter?”

“I’m chained up in my own house, and not in the sexual way for once…”

You look back to your iPad.

“Unless..you’d like to change that..” he says with a low tone that makes your body shiver.

“Doyoung..you’ve just been sentenced to a lifetime in prison for the brutal murders of 36 people. I’d appreciate it if you’d just answer a few questions so we can both go about our day.”

“Oh dear, I won’t tell you anything unless you get these barbaric things off of me, and get these useless men out of here.” He tilts his head towards the police officers behind his seat.

You shake your head. “No can do Doyoung, you’re a danger man, if they leave I’m done for.”

He chuckles lowly. “Don’t you trust me, sweetheart? My maid is no longer here, she testified against me and fled the country, so obviously I have no intention of ruining my place with anyone’s blood while she’s gone.” A smile crosses his face and it makes you uneasy.

You shouldn’t have done what you did next, but for the sake of writing a damn good article for Neo chronicles, you knew you had to. This trip would’ve been a waste of time and effort. It took you months to convince your boss to get you an interview with Doyoung, the notorious vampire that was just found guilty of capital murder.

He could tear you to shreds in moments with his hands and teeth, but something told you to ask that he be free..just for a few minutes.

He leans forward and keeps your eyes in his gaze. “You want them to release these cuffs, don’t you?”

You swallow hard then look up at the head police officer.

“He won’t cooperate unless you leave and take the handcuffs with you, please…” you beg, but the officer immediately shakes his head.

“Under strict orders from the judge, we cannot do that. It’s a miracle that we were even allowed to bring him back here.”

The tall man says without budging.

Doyoung turns to look at him. “Officer...these cuffs really hurt..it’ll only be for a few minutes..please.”

The officer furrows his eyebrows.

“Officer..I promise it’ll only take 15 minutes.” You continue.

“Fine...we’ll be right outside the door.”

You’re surprised to see that the officer agrees. He takes his key and opens up the cuffs. He then places them beside you on your chair.

“Slap these on the son of a bitch if he tries anything.”

You nod. A part of you felt so uneasy now that you were alone with him, but you had to make the most of it and get some information out of him while you could. No one could do what you were about to do, for Doyoung would be put away for life in a few days.

The door clicks and the room falls silent.

Doyoung turns to you and already starts to heal his wrists. “Well, then...should we get started?”

“Where are you from?” You ask.

He raises an eyebrow and throws an arm over the head of his seat.

“I’m from this city, dear.. I was just raised in a very different one...a few hundred years ago, without the cars, without the noise..”

“You’re the first of your kind that society has come across. Are there any more like you?”

He chuckles then looks at you and tilts his head. “There’s no one like me..”

You lick your lips quickly and lean forward. “Are there any more vampires, Doyoung?”

“Of course there are, some lurk in the shadows, some live boldly as the very doctors that take care of you. No one from my bloodline is alive however.” His gaze shifts downward as if he’s reminiscing.

“How do the vampires survive without being caught?”

He looks back up at you. “We just feed on animals to get by.”

Your heart began to race, you were finally getting information that no one else knew about, for Doyoung never spoke a word to investigators looking for answers about vampires.

“So why did you feed on humans and kill them instead of changing them?”

“For survival, sweetheart. I’m a man with very expensive taste..I’ve been killing humans for years, but I got lazy and decided to not run from city to city..I’d take out anyone that was evil or treated others like shit..some of my victims deserved it, but I’m sure you already knew that.”

You looked to the side. You did notice that he mainly killed other murderers or robbers.

“Furthermore, humans have polluted the earth so badly, the taste of animals that feed off of diseased grass is just disgusting. I couldn’t take it anymore.” His face winces.

“And human blood..is it good?”

Doyoung smirks. “Oh, my love, you have no idea. It’s sweet and savory, there’s nothing like it..and if I may say, it’s even better when the subject surrenders willingly.”

“Did your subjects surrender willingly?”

He looks up and tries to think. He taps his chin. “No..I don’t think any of those bastards surrendered, they were quick fixes to my thirst. There was one woman though..Hmm what was her name?...Was it Diamond or Daisy?”

You closed your eyes as you listened to him struggle to remember the names of his victim.

“Darlene..her real name was Darlene, but she went by Tiffany at the strip club she worked at.”

“Ahhh! Yes! Darlene..she was sweet, magnificent. I remember taking her in the back of my car, she was ecstatic. She felt amazing around me, so warm. Her body shook as I stretched her out and played with her beautiful womanhood..such a shame.. she was so willing.”

You swallowed hard as tears filled your eyes. Doyoung was making light of a dark situation that ended in the murder of a young woman just trying to live her life.

He leans forward to get your attention. “First..I tasted her lips, then I placed my tongue around her hard nubs. I traced my tongue down her abdomen and all the way...down, before letting it rest on her folds. I licked up her essence and listened to her moan and breathe heavily. I can still hear the rush of her blood in her veins. I can still taste her trembling core on the tip of my tongue, and feel her velvety walls around my fingers.”

You cross your legs as his voice lowers more and more with each sentence.

His dark eyes hold onto yours as his smile grows. He can smell the pool building in your underwear.

“In and out, I moved in and out, circling around her bud before she came hard all over my mouth. But I licked it up and kissed her thigh as she begged for more. She tasted delicious and brain became flooded with thoughts of just how wonderful her blood would taste too. So I wrapped her legs around my waist and pushed into her, sliding in between her delicious and wet folds and hitting her sweet spot over and over.”

“Doyoung..” you turn away and gulp, but he grabs your chin within a split second of standing up in front of you.

He tilts your head upwards and gazes down at your lips.

“I placed two fingers into her mouth...just like this.” 

On instinct, your mouth falls open, allowing him to place two fingers onto your tongue. Your mind went crazy, half of it screaming for you to look away from the dangerous man, the other half saying “yes, God, yes.”

You sat with your mouth agape, waiting for him to continue.

“If only you could taste her...nonetheless, when she came again, her eyes rolled in the back of her head and the veins of her neck stuck out to me, begging to be punctured into. I sucked her dry even as she clenched around me from the overwhelming pleasure.”

He withdrew his fingers, licking them as his eyes held onto yours.

“Your lips must be delicious too.”

You snapped yourself out of your daze and shook your head.

“Doyoung, what the hell?”

He sits back into his chair. “Any more questions, love?”

You clear your throat again and look at your iPad.

“Uhh..what are your abilities?”

He smirks. “Well, I’m sure you can imagine one of them. But in addition to that, we are fast, strong, powerful beings. Some can read minds, some can hypnotize..we are what humans aim to be, perfect beings.”

Your face grows into one of disgust. “With the exception of having the burning need to murder, right?”

He chuckles once more and rolls his eyes. “Humans kill all the time, what makes us so different if we do it for survival? Murders are done out of rage against those that are simply different in terms of religion, ethnicity, or sexual orientation all the time, why aren’t you interviewing those bastards?”

You hesitate.

He leans towards you and crosses his arms.

“What if you could make this world a better place by getting rid of those that commit crimes against the helpless? I can see that you’re one that believes in justice.. you can be like me, but use your abilities for good..”

You shake your head. “Absolutely not, you’re a monster. Just because you killed for survival does not negate the fact that you still took many lives.”

He leans back and nods. “Oh, pity then. I thought I’d have a partner for my getaway. I would’ve loved to keep such a pretty face by my side..”

Your eyes widen, you lean back and reach for the handcuffs..but they’re not there.

He jumps up from his seat.

You stand up as well. “What are you doing?”

But within seconds, your arms are behind your back and locked in the handcuffs that he stole from beside you.

“Doyoung!”

He pushes your body so that it lays back down on the love seat. You stare in horror as he crawls over you while looking up your scared face through his lashes.

He licks his lips.

“Thank you for giving me this chance to get away..”

“Help!!” You call out and soon the police break through the double doors.

Doyoung flicks his head towards them and holds out his hand. “Halt!”

He yells and they stop in their tracks.

You cry out. “Doyoung!!” But he’s already dug into each and every one’s necks and ripped into their throats.

Blood platters across the room and the bodies fall down dead almost unanimously as Doyoung moves incredibly fast. He appears as a blur one moment and the next moment, he is over you again, but this time with the lower half of his face covered in crimson liquid and his eyes intense.

He licks your collarbone, slowly trailing his tongue up your neck then to your chin. You tremble and cry as your heart races.

“Mmmmm...sweetheart, I’d take you right here, but you’ll taste so much better when you give in to me completely, I’ll see you soon.”

He disappears, you only hear the breaking of a window behind you.

You close your eyes tightly and sob.

The police officers that were outside in their cars immediately run into the house when they see that Doyoung has flown away.

They open your handcuffs and console you as you turn away from all of the dead bodies on the floor.

When things finally settled, you noticed that Doyoung had taken your recorder, leaving you without proof that this interview even happened.

———

[3 Months Later]

A national manhunt for Doyoung had been going on for months, no one saw the man or..creature. The good part about his absence was that there were no more killings. You tried your best to explain what happened that day, but you couldn’t. Everything felt blurry, all you could feel was this longing to be with him again. He had you under his grasp in just a few minutes, but that partially wasn’t your fault. You were hypnotized, just as the police officer taking him out of handcuffs was.

But you couldn’t help but feel guilty when you thought about the lives lost that day, the families that weren’t with their loved ones anymore because of your weakness. You swore it would never happen again.

You were released from your job at the Neo Chronicles, your boss was embarrassed and dealt with the harshest treatment from not only the legal system, but from the media as well. No one understood how such a huge mistake could be made. They had him and were ready to punish him for his crimes, but in just a few minutes, they lost him, the only vampire known to man.

You worked from home now, uploading conspiracy theories to your own website where people could submit photos, videos or written accounts of their experiences with the supernatural. They could do this anonymously if they wished. You wrote about Doyoung and the vampire community, you even went out at night at farms or in the woods to try to catch vampires in the act of taking blood from them, but you had no luck.

You would set your life to finding Doyoung, you’d make him pay for what he did to you. Even if you were intrigued by him, you’d make him suffer. However, you couldn’t help but wonder why he didn’t kill you as well.

———

[One Month Later]

You were about to do some research on cult practices that involved sacrifices, when you heard a knock at your door. You jumped up in your chair at your desk and turned to the door.

You swallowed hard. Had you done too much digging? Was someone tracking you? Were you being watched all this time?

Maybe you shouldn’t have visited the dark web.

You stand up slowly and walk to the door. You hear another knock.

You grab a tennis racket you placed by your door after playing tennis earlier that day. You then look through the peephole and see him.

Your heart started to race. Should you call the authorities? Should you scream for help? No. They would just be too slow, they’d be gone by the time a shriek escaped your throat.

You quickly opened it and held up your racket.

“Ah!!!” You yelled as you swung it, but he grabbed it with one hand and broke in two effortlessly.

Your eyes widened as he stood there with one corner of his mouth tilted upwards. His eyes sparkled in the darkness.

Your jaw fell open while the rackets ripped to your doorstep in two separate pieces.

“Invite me in...I have the recorder.” He demands through a husky tone.

You breathe heavily. “I-I..”

“May I come in...sweetheart?” He pouts.

You sigh and nod. “Yes.”

You didn’t want to but he had the evidence that you needed. Maybe you could just take it from him and he’d leave. With that piece of evidence, you could get your job back or make money online with your testimony.

Doyoung speeds past you and sits at your desk.

“Ooooo..satanic cults...interesting!” He searches through your computer.

“Hey!” You lock your door and walk towards him.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“How have you been doing, my love? Have you been well? Probably not...seeing that you’re stuck at home now, researching this nonsense.” He ignores your question and stands up from the desk.

You walk after him into the dining room.

“Answer me! Why are you here?”

“Have you thought about my proposal? You’ve had a lot of time..”

“Why didn’t you turn yourself in?!” You grab a knife from your kitchen counter and hold it behind your back.

He takes a look at your 4 day old pizza on your stove top and gags. “You and I both know I wouldn’t dare out well in prison.”

“So why the hell are you here?!” You say a little louder.

He turns to you suddenly and flips you around. In just a few seconds, he pins you against the wall with your cheek pressed against it and your hands behind your back.

You grunt as he presses in your back with your elbow.

“Did you know that you’ve been on my mind every night since that day?” He forces the knife out of your hand and trails the tip down the side of your face. 

You wince as you anticipate it breaking your skin, but he only drags it down your neck delicately and watches goosebumps decorate your skin.

He flips you back around so you face him now, he looks down at your chest and breathes heavily over it. He still holds both of your wrists in his hand, clenching his fist around them tightly as you squeal.

“The way you smell, the way you feel, the way you taste...it’s all haunted me..I want you so badly..”

You blink rapidly. “If you want to kill me, why don’t you just do it already.”

Doyoung chuckles and hangs his head low.

“I’m here to ask you again...join me..live as I live and give up this boring life..” he licks long your neck as you struggle in his grasp.

You shake your head.

“No..I don’t want you..I don’t want to be a monster like you.”

He laughs as he smirks while watching your lips. His closeness to you makes you dizzy, but you try to remain firm. 

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m too old to be fooled, I know you have a recording of our little interview on your ipad..I know you don’t really need that recorder..so why did you invite me in?”

Your face falls. How did he know that you had a second audio recording saved to your iPad.

“Okay...fine, I wanted a reason to let you in..” you search his eyes. 

He smiles and watches your lips.

“Oh? And now that I’m in, what else do you want?”

You pant and lick your lips. “I want..to feel what that woman felt..”

He kisses your neck. “Like this?” He whispers against your heated skin.

Your eyes close as your head falls back. “Yes..take me to my room..” you beg breathily.

He wraps his arms around you and by the time you open your eyes, you’re on your bed with your legs around his waist.

He grinds his covered member into you and listens to you moan.

He continues to kiss your neck and bite teasingly.

He licks over the warm area and moans. The cold touch of his fingertips makes you yearn for him more. 

“This is what I missed, the taste of your beautiful skin..”

He looks down at you through wide eyes, he adores your lips and eyes, watching as you finally give in to him like he’s longed for.

He leans down and kisses your lips.

You reach above your head and place your hands under your pillow. You grab a specialized collar.

“Look at me, Doyoung.” You whisper in between kisses.

He releases your lips and looks up. You suddenly lock the collar around his throat.

He hisses, flying to the ceiling and grabbing at it in an attempt to take it off, but he has no luck.

The collar made of pure silver sends violent and painful shockwaves through his body whenever he touches it.

It tightens slowly to stop him from breathing.

His eyes grow. “What..what have you done to me?” He says as he dangles from the ceiling and looks down at you on the bed with a smile on your face.

“Oh Doyoung, you’re old but you still didn’t see this coming..” you chuckle, everything went as planned.

“Please...please stop this...” he reaches out for you as he gasps for air.

 You stand up from the bed and look up at him.

“I’ll explain this quickly since you’ll be unconscious in about three minutes..”

He loses his grip from the ceiling, falling onto the bed limply.

“Do you remember a tall fellow that you bit one evening as he walked home from work?”

Doyoung groans in pain.

“I’ll take that as a no..” you continue. “Well, this victim’s name was Johnny, he owns Johnny’s Café and locked up kinda late that night when you found him. He became your prey and in the blink of an eye, was left to die in a dirty alleyway. No one was there to help him, no one…” your eyes start to water.

“He was my best friend..and you killed him. Or so I thought..you see, you made a grave mistake with this “murder.” You didn’t ensure his death by sucking until you heard the very last beat of his pulse. You got what you wanted and left him there with a faint pulse. He was able to pull his phone out and call me..I found him through Find My iPhone, and when I inspected his injuries..I realized that he had been attacked by a vampire.”

Doyoung’s eyes roll in the back of his head as he takes his final breaths.

“It was my first time seeing such a wound since I was young. Guess what, Doyoung? My family has hunted vampires since the beginning of time..my grandparents were sure that they had killed all of you in this city...but it seems we hadn’t, and Johnny’s attack is what brought this issue to my attention. Lucky for me, you fell right into my hands, making it easy for me to gain more information about your kind and the actual status of vampires in our city. I was ill-prepared for your hypnosis, however. That’s why I couldn’t lock you down the first time.”

You walk up to him and caress his pale face. You then yank his arm and drag him through your house and down to your basement.

You throw him down the stairs and walk down.

You both hear yelling and crying. 

That’s when Doyoung sees him. That night starts to come back to him, the night when he attacked Johnny.

Johnny is chained to a wall in your basement. His hair is long and disheveled. He yells as he begs for food. His fangs stick out, he looks weak and terrified.

Doyoung gasps. “I didn’t mean for this to happen..”

“This is where he will have to stay, I can’t turn him in because he’s my best friend, but I also can’t kill him or set him free to murder innocent people like a maniac..I will fix him, I swear I will.”

You flip the lid off of a coffin and throw Doyoung into it after much effort. Luckily, he was quite weak from the collar already.

“Even though you turned my best friend into a monster, I am thankful to you for bringing all of your kind’s secrets to light. I will find each one, and I will kill them.” You smirk.

“Enjoy prison, you monster.”

Doyoung only smiles. “I’ll be back, sweetheart. Hunting you will make for a lifetime of joy.”

You shut the lid over the coffin and nail it shut.

You drag the coffin upstairs using a pulley system then call the police to retrieve him.

—————

[2 Years Later]

You enjoy your life as a journalist once again. You gained wealth and notoriety for your interview with Doyoung. You also hunt and kill vampires that killed animals, you finally had used the training from your family to do so.

“I never thought you’d have to do this..” your mom said one day when you visited her for tea.

“I thought..we killed them all and kept you and the rest of our world safe.”

“They’re like roaches..they never die.” Your dad yelled from the living room.

“It is what it is..” you took a sip from your cup.

“But tell me, once one has changed...is there any way to turn them back?”

You thought of Johnny and how you had to watch him suffer now for the past two years. You loved him dearly and spent hours on the dark web searching for clues as to what to do, but nothing worked.

You didn’t tell your parents, for fear that they would tell you to kill him immediately or they’d do it themselves.

You wouldn’t give up on you, you just couldn’t.

The two of you were friends for her 10 years, how could you even think of killing him?

Your mother laughed. “Honey..we’ve tried everything, there’s no way…once they change, the hunger roars through them, making them impossible to tame.”

You nodded. 

“What is it you're not telling me?” She tilted her head when she saw the look of worry in your eyes.

“Nothing, it’s just...some of these people are good people..I just wish we didn’t have to kill them..”

“People? They’re not people! They’re savages and self-centered barbarians! Don’t fall for it, all they do is lure in victims for their own gain. They have no conscience.” Your father walked into the dining room with a freshly carved stake.

“Here.” He hands it to you. “You kill those bastards without any thought in your head, they’re meant to seduce you, make you think that they’re innocent humans with beating and good hearts, but they’re not! Kill them before they kill us.”

You nod and take it from him.

—————

[1 Year Later]

You receive news that Doyoung has broken free from prison. No one knows of his whereabouts so all eyes turn to you.

“We can set up police around your place to keep watch if you’d like..” your boss tells you.“There’s a chance that he’ll come after you first.”

“Thank you, but that won’t be necessary.”

You weren’t scared at all, and having police around would only draw more attention to you than you needed. What if they heard Johnny in your basement? What if they saw you bringing in live rabbits in the middle of the night?

And if something were wrong, they’d eventually go into your basement only to find a series of hunting weapons and digging gear, for you always buried the vampires you killed deep in the woods.

You headed home and walked in slowly.

The air felt crisp and cool, the night sky peered in through your windows. You looked around and that’s when you noticed that one of them were open, the wind blowing the curtain that should’ve been drawn over it.

You hold your stake close to you and quickly walk over to it.

You slam it down shut and turn the lock, but by the time you turn back around to head to your room, you see Doyoung.

“Hello, sweetheart.”

He stands just a few feet away from you with blood dripping down his mouth and neck in a steady pool.

You step back and walk around in a circle.

Doyoung smirks and walks in a circle towards you too.

“You knew I would be here, and yet, you came home on time..are you not afraid of me?”

He chuckles and holds his arms out.

You raise your stake in front of you.

“Do I look like I’m afraid of you?”

Doyoung tilts his head and pouts. “I’m not sure, your heart is racing, the sweat on your forehead is building, your grip on the stake is weak..”

“I didn’t give you permission to come in..”

He shakes his head. “No no, you didn’t..but someone in this house did.”

Your steps falter for a moment and you swallow hard.

When you listen closely, you hear something happening in your kitchen.

Then your eyes widen when you realize.

“Johnny..”

You gasp and run into the kitchen.

Doyoung laughs loudly.

You scream when you see Johnny sucking blood from a woman’s neck in the middle of your kitchen.

“No!!!” 

“I’ve missed you, my love...but I see you kept him around, locked up in the basement for fun..I used my senses to contact him and tell him to give me permission. You see, he doesn’t enjoy being locked up in your basement.”

Doyoung stands behind you and crosses his arms while leaning against the doorway.

“Johnny!! Stop this please, this isn’t you!” You try to shake him off of the woman but all Johnny sees is red. He has never had human blood before and now his eyes have been opened. You start to cry, your stake drops out of your hand.

“He can’t hear you, he’s enjoying what will now be his favorite meal in the kitchen.”

Doyoung grabs you by the neck and slams you against the wall. You yell out in pain.

“And here we are again, but this time we have some unfinished business, you and I...what should I do with you?”

You shake your head as he lifts your body nearly four feet off the ground while choking you.

“Please Doyoung, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have turned you in..please, just let me go, I’ll run far from here and leave the two of you alone to kill as you please.” Seeing Johnny like this leaves you broken. You can’t believe he’s free to live as a monster after all of your efforts to protect him.

“But running will only make me want you more, I enjoy this game that we play..” 

“Doyoung…” you tap his wrist as it becomes difficult to breathe.

“Being choked isn't so nice, is it?”

“What..what do you want from me?”

“I want you, but I like that you’re a challenge, you make my life exciting, and now that I have you here, I want to let you go again just so I can watch you run.” He grins.

“You can shoot some arrows or throw a few stakes, how about it, y/n?”

“Fuck you! I’m not some toy!”

You try to wiggle out of his grasp.

“Then take my offer..I’ll only ask one more time..will you give in to me?”

You start to shake your head, but Johnny rises up from the body on the floor. He runs his hands through his long black hair and licks his lips while panting.

“Y/n..I feel...amazing.” He smiles at you. Even after all these years of you feeding him small animals and keeping him locked up, he still looked at you with love.

You cry harder. “No..Johnny..please don’t give in, I can fix you, I’ll find a way to turn you back.”

He chuckles then steps closer to you. He already looks healthier with the heavy dose of human blood he just consumed. “And you’ve been searching relentlessly for this cure for how long now?”

Doyoung lets your body slide back down the wall as he loosens his grip.

“I’m so close, just trust me.”

“Y/n..Look at how happy he is, don’t you want to be happy too?”

“yes..join us..” Johnny traces his finger down the side of your face.

“No!” You suddenly push Doyoung off of you and dive to the floor for your stake.

You jump back up but Doyoung takes you into his arms.

“Is this what you want?! To die instead of being with your best friend forever?!”

You press the tip of the stake into his chest, you’re so close, but your mind doesn’t allow you to push harder.

“Do it! Kill me!” He doesn’t put you under hypnosis because he wants to see what your true desire is.

Doyoung watches your sad eyes as you struggle to stab him.

Him being so close to you makes you weak, you don’t know why, but you fall into him more.

You second guess everything and your will weakens more and more each second.

You lean forward and kiss Doyoung’s lips finally.

You relax into his arms as his tongue traces over your lips to enter.

You swallow back your disgust from the taste of blood on his lips and close your eyes. A rush runs through your body, it’s like you’re being commanded by waves at the beach, your body just enjoying the feeling of floating in his arms.

The stake falls out of your weak hands. Johnny comes up behind you, kissing your neck from behind while circling his arms around your waist.

If you could just distract them for a few more moments..you could catch them off guard, take them to your room and grab the stake under your pillow..just a few more minutes.. 

Then..a sharp pain makes you jolt. Your eyes fly open. Johnny’s fangs dig into your neck. He sucks hard while you groan.

“Johnny!” You cry out, but then you moan as a feeling of euphoria washes over your body. You feel amazing, your mind goes blank, a soft, tingly sensation makes you weak as blood rushed from your veins and to his mouth. You’re drunk from their love and you want more.

Doyoung continues to kiss your lips and smiles when he feels you finally giving in to him.

Your heartbeat drives him crazy, he just can’t stop thinking about how good you must taste, so he takes the two of you to your room and lays down beside you on your bed.

Your neck is bent backwards towards Johnny behind you still, your hard nipples covered by your dress are just begging for his mouth.

“Do you give in to me, dear?” His lustful voice echoes in your ear.

“Yes..” you whimper.

In one swift move, Doyoung tears your dress off and throws it to the floor. He licks your hard nubs passionately, darting his tongue out and playing around with them with the tip.

Johnny continues to suck slowly, his hand reaching to your front side. He placed two fingers in between your legs, swatting away your thighs so your legs open more.

You are enraptured by them, completely forgetting your plan. But it didn’t matter anyway, your fate was sealed the moment Johnny bit you. He would either suck you dry or leave you alive to turn into one of them.

A part of you feels regret, but another part has come to terms with your situation. Right now you were focused on the yearning in your chest that made you tremble and the building heat between your legs that needed to be tended to.

Without warning, Doyoung bites your breast and sucks hard after latching his lips around the nipple.

He groans as he listens to you yelp.

You run your hand through his hair. “Yes..that feels so good.”  You felt like you were already climaxing with both men sucking your blood at the same time.

Johnny’s fingers push past the waistband of your underwear and presses against your folds.

Doyoung sucks harder, the taste of your blood is sweet and intoxicating, he never wants to stop.

You feel Johnny’s long fingers rub circles into your clit, your legs widen more as you ache for more. He lets go of your neck and nibbles your ear.

“Can I?” He asks seductively.

“Yes..” you bite your bottom lip, your body becoming more and more turned on from Doyoung’s mouth and Johnny’s touch.

You can feel Johnny’s hard member against your back as he pushes one finger into your throbbing opening, sliding it in effortlessly. 

“You’re wet…” he pulls his finger out and places it into your mouth. You moan while licking his finger.

“So wet..” he then pushes two fingers in, your body flinches as he pumps in and out of your. Your head is dizzy, you felt that you’ve lost too much blood. You’re too weak and Doyoung feels it too.

He gives your breasts a few more kitten licks to clean up the blood on it, then looks into your eyes.

“How do you feel, my love?”

“I’m-I’m dizzy..” you moan shortly after as Johnny adds a third finger and presses upward while inside your pussy.

Doyoung smiles when he sees your low eyes. “It’s time for you to feed..”

Your eyes widen. “What?”

Doyoung uses his nail and digs a vertical line into his throat.

“Taste me..”

“N-no.” You shake your head.

“This is what you are now, y/n..just taste him and you’ll know..” Johnny whispers into your ear.

You stick your tongue out hesitantly and lick up the trail of blood on his neck. It tastes wonderful, amazing and different. You didn’t know what to describe it as but you felt that rush from earlier run through your body once more.

You lick again, this time, placing your mouth into the wound and actually sucking more blood out. 

Doyoung groans while pushing his pants down and taking his member out. He strokes it up and down and pants as you suck hard. You can’t use your fangs yet, but the feeling is still magnificent for him as well.

You need more, a hunger builds in your body and you tilt over Doyoung more to apply pressure.

Johnny withdraws his fingers, allowing you to completely kneel over Doyoung’s lap now.

He lays flat on the bed and watches you mount him. You look beautiful naked, like a goddess. Your eyes are wide with hunger and desire and he’s happy to be at the center of it all. He aligns his cock with your opening, watching as you slide down onto it slowly while wincing.

You breathe heavily and lean forward so you can suck his neck again. You place your hands on either side of his head and move up and down slowly, your body already clenching around him as he fills you up completely.

Johnny wraps his hand around his aching cock and strokes it as you ride Doyoung.

Your body becomes cold even as you sweat from the constant movement.

Your mind is flooded with sounds of Johnny’s moans coupled with the new sound of blood rushing through Doyoung’s veins and into your mouth. 

He guides you down onto him by placing both hands on your ass. You push down onto him harder and faster, moving your hips so that his cock curves into you and presses against that spot every time.

You whimper as your movements stutter.

Doyoung flips you over onto your back, he watches your mouth, covered in blood, fall open into a loud moan. “Come on, sweetheart. Tell me how badly you want to cum.” Doyoung says with an evil smirk across his face covered in your blood now.

He thrusts into you hard and places both hands on your knees. He pushes them further apart and watches as he slams himself into you.

“Johnny..she feels so good..she’s just like you imagined for all these years..”

“But how does she taste?” Johnny strokes himself faster as he aims for your breast.

“Her blood tastes sweeter than any berry, and her pussy? Well, you’ll just have to try that yourself.” He goes faster, so fast you can only feel a satisfying vibration that stimulates your clit.

You throw your head back. “Fuck..Doyoung..”

“Do you want me to stop?” He stops suddenly to tease you.

“No no no no, keep going..please!” You beg in a high pitched tone almost embarrassingly.

He resumes his speed, watching your hands grip the sheets and your eyes roll in the back of your head as you cum.

Doyoung grunts and releases inside you.

He milks himself out completely as you shake from your orgasm. You see stars and entire galaxies, a feeling washing over you like no other feeling.

You gasp and watch Doyoung pull out. He moves to the side while watching his cum leaks out of your entrance.

Johnny then flips your limp body over. He wraps and arm around your waist and pulls you against his hard cock. You’re sensitive so you cry out from suddenly being pushed into by his long member. 

He grabs your hair and bends your neck backward before biting into it to suck more of your blood. Your overwhelming sensitivity soon fades away and your climax starts to build again, the feeling in the pit of your stomach becoming nearly unbearable once more.

Johnny’s nails dig into your waist, slamming your ass against his hips as he reaches your depths over and over. He goes crazy from the feeling of your silky walls tightening around his cock. He wants to bury his cum so deep inside your pussy, that it leaks for days. And your sweet blood, he could drink it forever, he could drink you dry.

But Doyoung won’t allow that. “That’s enough..she’ll pass out if we take any more.”

Johnny stops drinking but grunts as he goes harder and faster.

Your knees make an indent in the mattress, you hold onto Doyoung’s hands for support as your mouth falls open.

“Fuck…” all you can mutter are curse words as Johnny destroys you.

Doyoung kneels in front of you, his intimidating cock sticking out hard once again.

He strokes it. 

You open your mouth and stick your tongue out. You had to taste him, again. You craved him.

With low eyes, you maintain eye contact as he fills your mouth and hits the back of your throat. You flatten your tongue, licking the underside of it. You press your tongue hard against every vein then kiss the tip once he pulls back out.

He pushes back in faster this time, listening to you gag and watching as tear up.

You moan to send vibrations through his body. Doyoung throws his head back and mutters “shit..”

You gag again but breathe through your nostrils.

Johnny presses into you one more time before shooting milky strings across your walls. He pants while cursing then lowers himself so that he can taste you from behind. He licks up all the slick that has escaped and sticks his tongue in as deep as possible.

The night went on for hours as you switched positions and brought each other to paradise too many times to count.

You collapsed onto the bed and fell asleep once the three of you were done.

———-

[The Next Morning]

For the first time, sunlight burnt your eyes and made you suffocate. You tried to jump up from the bed, but then you noticed that your legs and arms were tied to a bed that wasn’t yours. You looked around and saw that you were on it by yourself.

Where was Johnny? Where was Doyoung? Why did you feel a burning hunger in your chest?

You recognized the smell of an old building and looked above you. It looked like you were in some sort of castle. You were covered in a thin white sleeping gown that you didn’t recognize either.

“Doyoung!! Johnny!!”

A door in the corner of the room opens and in walks Doyoung with a smirk across his face and something in his hand.

“Good morning, sweetheart.”

“Doyoung..please, I don’t feel good.” You strain against the chains.

Your eyes widen when you realize what dangles from his grasp.

Johnny’s head..

“No!!!!” You scream loudly.

“Oh, like music to my ears..” Doyoung chuckles and dangles the head above your body.

He sees your body through the thin fabric, your breasts and perfect curves, the warmth between your legs that he missed so badly. He almost regretted his decision.

He bit his lip and watched you struggle.

“Doyoung!! Why?!” You sob.

“Because you’re mine, you can’t be his too!”

Doyoung walks back over to the door and chucks the head outside.

He walks back over to you. “Well, now that we know what happened to Johnny, we need to discuss what’ll happen to you.”

“What did you do to me?!” You say through gritted teeth.

“Actually..it was Johnny that turned you..not me, but I made sure to kill him this time.”

Your face fell. This was exactly what Doyoung wanted. He lured you in by using Johnny, then he got Johnny to change you. They both seduced you to crowd your mind and make you too filled with lust to care. And now, you turned into the very thing that you hated the most.

“Now you realize…” Doyoung nods and strokes the side of your face.

“I couldn’t just let you get away with exposing my secrets and putting me in jail..I mean, the sex was amazing, so amazing, but I still couldn’t let you get away with it.”

You shake your head. “Please..I’m yours, I’ll do anything. I always wanted to be yours but I was too stubborn.”

“And the stake under your pillow? Would you have used it against me?” He pouts.

“No! I was going to love you.”

“Love me? A monster?”

“Doyoung please!!”

“This is your prison now...and when you are free, look for me, I’ll be waiting for you, my love..” he walks out and leaves you alone still tied to the bed.

————

[3 Days Later]

You finally break your chains with your new strength. You run out of the room, but find that you are in an old castle. When you run through the destroyed halls and into the courtyard, you see nothing but ocean.

Doyoung left you on the notorious Gil-Eul Castle, a mansion on a secluded island that was hundreds of miles from the nearest coast. It was known as the meeting grounds for vampires long ago, but your family along with other hunters destroyed it, planting bombs in the form of air strikes to kill everyone inside.

You yelled into the sky and ran around rampantly, searching for anything to eat.

You felt like you were going insane without blood. You were literally burning from the inside out because of the lack of blood in your system.

————

[20 Years Later]

You survived the last 20 years off of fish and rats. You never stopped thinking about Doyoung and how you’d get your revenge. You’d kill him slowly, make him suffer like you had, and even though you didn’t look any older, you felt tired and weak from watching the years fly by in a broken castle.

Until one day..a ship approaches the building. You watch from above as several construction workers all onto the island.

You lurk in the shadows and wait until one of them has strayed away from the group.

The man turns around when he feels that he is being followed, but sees nothing.

He turns back around and continues walking.

You reach out from a hallway and grab him by the collar. You feed on him quickly then do the same with the other men. One by one, you kill each man to quench your plentiful years of undying thirst. 

But you’re not dumb, you save one of the men so that he can bring you back to your country. The man tells you that they had planned to clear the island and build a resort.

You take your tattered dress off and shower in the bathroom on board. You break down in tears when you feel warm water and soap on your skin for the first time in twenty years. You were finally free.

You find a set of clothes set aside by the workers and put them on. It’s a pair of sweatpants and t-shirt that’s not the right size, but it’ll have to work for now.

Once home, you hypnotize the man that brought you back.

“Tell them your team was attacked, you were the only one that survived. It was a man with fangs and pale skin. His name is Doyoung.”

The man nods, then walks off the ship and heads for the police station.

You, on the other hand, go in the opposite direction.

You thought about visiting your parents and letting them know that you were okay, but what would they say now that you were a vampire? Would they try to kill you?

You weren’t sure, so you continued walking to his mansion.

You closed your eyes and tried to focus, you knew that all vampires were connected and that if you tried hard enough, you could sense where he was.

It didn’t take long before you heard his voice. It was coming from an apartment about 10 miles away.

Of course he stayed in a nearby city.

You knocked on his door and waited for him to answer.

With round glasses on, he opened the door and smiled widely. “I knew you’d find me..”

“Invite me in.” Your voice was stern.

Doyoung nodded. “Of course.”

“Are you here to kill me?” He walks behind you.

“Yes.”

“Then go ahead.”

You turn to him.

“Why did you do this to me?”

“Life is pretty boring for an old man like me..I wanted to do something different.” He sits on the couch, then pats his thigh. “One last time before I say goodbye. I’ve missed you..”

You scoff. “You never came back, so I couldn’t really tell.”

“You were in solitary confinement, what could I do?”

You walk over to him and sit on his lap.

He placed his hands onto your ass and brought your body down onto his pelvis.

“Did you miss me?”

“No..”

He bucks into your clothes opening, brushing his hard member against it. “Are you sure?”

You bite your bottom lip, then reach to your back and pull out your stake.

You had made it with materials from the burnt down castle. You even engraved your initials into it, knowing that you’d use it to kill him.

“Yes..”

He smirks and licks his lips. “Are you ready?”

“Why aren't you scared?” Your brows furrow.

He chuckles. “I’ve been anticipating this moment for quite some time actually.”

You shake your head. “That’s not fair, this is too easy.”

He flips you over onto your back and suddenly you’re in his room and lying on his bed with him in between your legs. “And would you rather I make it difficult for you? Are you sure you want to wait another 20 years?”

You whimper as he commands your needy body effortlessly.

He grinds down into you. “If you won’t be mine willingly, then I would rather die..so are you ready, my love?”

You pause for a moment.

“Absolutely.” You press the stake into his chest, watching as his final breath leaves his beautiful lips.

[cupcakey00]

It’s Just Instinct

Here’s to my first one-shot, everyone! (edit: it’s actually not a one-shot since there will be another part or 2 lol oops) In which Cassian struggles to adjust to the overwhelming instincts to protect Nesta.

 Words: 2,325

there is some NSFW content in this.

Nesta could count on both hands the number of times she had to intervene to stop a murder where Cassian was involved, especially since they’d mated just one month prior. The first time had been only two days into their mating frenzy. Lord Devlon may have been many things, but a fool was not one of them.

Or so he thought.

Unbeknownst to the pair, the camp lord in doing his rounds managed to hear the throes of their passion, and made the decision to send a young female to deliver war reports to Cassian as opposed to their usual male. Unbeknownst to Devlon, Cassian had recently discovered Nesta’s attraction males and females. Suffice to say, it was only Nesta’s iron grip on his bicep and pushing on his chest while screaming for the Illyrian to “leave! You have to go!” that stopped him from tearing the poor young female to shreds at just the scent of her outside their door as she slid reports through the gap. After all, their Commander was busy, but so were their enemies.

Unsurprisingly, Devlon was unimpressed.

The second time came when Azriel had visited during the third day of their mating, unannounced, hoping to visit his friend and discuss the Illyrian rebels. Unfortunately for Azriel, his personal vow never to spy on his family finally became his crux. At the sound of Azriel’s feet touching ground from outside the cabin door, Cassian’s eyes dilated, his muscles tensed, and his breath hitched. Nesta knew what was coming next, although this time, she couldn’t stop it. Not when Cassian was still strung up from the female’s visit the prior day, and most certainly not when he was interrupted with his head between Nesta’s legs.

Azriel realized immediately his mistake the moment he landed, but he knew he could not simply leave. He knew that would only make it worse. Worst case scenario, Cassian would pursue him for days during his frenzy if he deemed Azriel enough of a threat, so long as the threat of being away from Nesta for long didn’t outweigh the perceived threat to Nesta; he had seen the look in his eyes long before Nesta and Cassian were mated. He saw the thirst for blood at any male – and, recently, female – who so much as looked at Nesta a few moments too long. Whether it was in protection or possession, Azriel didn’t know. He didn’t think Cassian did either. Granted, he always kept a leash on himself for Nesta’s sake and his own. It wasn’t fair to Nesta to be treated like an object, especially not one that he owned. That, Cassian knew. Thus, Azriel stayed. He waited, deciding that staying silent, allowing for Cassian to make the first move, would allow for his brother to calm down, register him not as a threat, but as a friend who meant no harm nor claim to his mate.

Surprisingly, Azriel, too, was a fool.

In Cassian’s cloudy, newly mated mind, the Night Court’s spy and Shadowsinger’s silence and stillness confirmed one thing and one thing alone: he was there to lust over the sound of his Nesta crying out in ecstasy, a hymn promised to Cassian and Cassian alone. Nesta had just reached the point of unintelligibility, unable to articulate a single word or thought with Cassian’s mouth feasting on her dripping center after teasing the bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs with his tongue and breath for what had to have been hours, bringing Nesta to near tears, begging Cassian for more, begging him to let her come. For a cruel amount of time, Cassian would not relent, tracing and blowing; sucking oh so near it, never on it, telling her about how “you’re so pretty when you’re begging me to let you come, Sweetheart. You’re going to have to wait for that.” He was never merciful enough to tell her how long she had to wait. (The only reason he had the self-control to delay it was because of how thoroughly he fucked her the previous two days.)

Nesta had been close, no longer able to make a single sound except for gasps and high-pitched whimpers with her back arched off their dining room table, one hand gripping Cassian’s dark hair at the root as his hands kept her legs spread wide open, forcing her hips down, forbidding her from grinding on his face, while her other hand gripped the tablecloth. With her back arched, he couldn’t see her face, so he watched Nesta’s pert nipples instead, still red and raw from his previous ministrations, lips around one nipple sucking, tongue flicking, teeth biting, while his fingers twisted and tugged at the other, alternating whenever he felt like it. The red was mostly faded.

He’d have to fix that.

Cassian knew that while the denial for release was torture for Nesta for the time being, her orgasm by the end couldn’t possibly be anything short of mind-shattering. He sent a prayer to whatever gods were listening that he’d be able to feel her walls clench around his tongue fucking her, nose rubbing against her clit. He could only hope she wouldn’t squeeze so tight around him that his tongue was forced out of her pretty pink hole while her walls contracted; he couldn’t let any of her sacred nectar go to waste on their dining room table.

He’d lick it up right off the wood, maintaining eye contact with Nesta if he had to.

The other part of him, the more primal, male part of him, craved the satisfaction of making his mate come so devastatingly he wouldn’t be able to keep his tongue inside, tip of his tongue massaging her G-spot through her release. He hadn’t dared come close to it yet; he knew that’d put an end to their fun. Everyone knew the journey was more important than the destination.

Truly, considering this was the trajectory they were on, it was no wonder Cassian would have brutalized Azriel’s body so badly, Rhysand would have had to rethink who assumed the role of the Night Court’s torturer.

Would have, had Azriel not been forced to use a Siphon-imposed shield around himself, infuriating Cassian even further. Not only had this male heard his lover’s euphoric cries, but he couldn’t even kill him for it, and it was his fault Nesta wasn’t only dripping onto the table instead of his face, she was also needy with the desire to reach the orgasm she had earned. This male thought he could arrive at their doorstep and put a halt to his lover’s pleasure? Unforgiveable.

Azriel wasn’t safe until Rhysand, who then also became the subject of Cassian’s hunt (the third in 24 hours), used his magic to force Cassian back into the cabin and established a shield around it, confining him while allowing Azriel’s shadows to bring him back to Velaris with Nesta screaming for Cassian the entire time – never once leaving the inside; Cassian’s brothers seeing Nesta in such a near-orgasmic state, even if she did put clothes on first, was a sure-fire way for him to level all of Illyria to eliminate them both. This, Nesta knew.

Through their open bond, he could feel what Nesta felt. Had she been in danger, Cassian wouldn’t have been able to ignore her pleas even if he wanted to. Hell, had Cassian been able to think a tad more clearly, he’d have strapped on his Siphons to put more concentrated pressure against Rhysand’s barrier. But alas, there he was, stark-naked body limning with unbridled power, using his magic until it was drained, not a Siphon in sight, snarling near animalistically.

After that ordeal, the message became clear: no one was to come in contact with the Commander or his mate until they left their cabin unless of an emergency. Rhysand imposed a no-go zone of a half-mile radius around their cabin to be kept at all times until indicated otherwise by the Commander himself. It took two weeks until the pair could leave the cabin without fear of murder, although that didn’t stop an incident from popping up almost every day since, especially since Cassian was convinced most of the camp either wanted to kill Nesta or fuck her. Still, Cassian tried. He tried to rein it in, and Nesta could see that. She knew he took no joy in threatening the lives of his fellow Illyrians, no matter how much they hated him. He had to learn to control himself, and learning he was. However, everyone knows that when learning, mistakes are bound to be made.

That was what brought them here, a crowd of wide-eyed Illyrians with bated breath, gazing at the four in fear: Cassian, Nesta, and a young male who’d been training with an older Illyrian.

Nesta placed a hand firmly on his chest, assuring, “Cass, I’m okay,” as Cassian’s eyes and stance guaranteed violence, twin blades in either hand. His eyes held nearly none of their characteristically striking hazel, instead swallowed by the black abyss of a predator salivating for a hunt. The scent of the blood trickling from the cut on her upper arm was suffocating him. He couldn’t breathe, his body wouldn’t let him. Not when he was so close to his prize: the young male’s blood bathing his blades. Breathing would only alert his prey to his presence, chancing he’d run.

Then again, Cassian wanted a chase.

Still, Cassian would not move. Instincts begged him kill, maul, maim, but his less animalistic side implored him to drop his weapons and help his mate, to be rational and think clearly.

Still, Cassian could not move. Could not attack the enemy for fear of leaving Nesta unattended, nor drop his weapons for fear of leaving her vulnerable to another attack, never mind that he could wipe out every male, female, and child in the camp with his bare hands if he desired.

Nesta, sensing his inner conflict, whispered sweetly to Cassian, “Cassian, Love, I’m safe. I’m healthy, I am happy. I’m okay. You don’t need to do this, you know this.” Facing him, her right hand gripped his shoulder, her left, resting on his abdomen, applying pressure to his body knew she could not remove if she wanted the boy to live. Still, it wasn’t enough for him to break eye contact with the young Illyrian. Slowly, she slid her hand from his abdomen up to his heart, feeling the melodic thump, thump, thump that always grounded her, whether she was facing a nightmare or the much more nefarious demons of her conscious mind.

Still gripping his shoulder, she removed her hand from his chest and pressed her body against his, reaching down in search of his fingers. Immediately his grip softened from his weapon, seeking the warmth and comfort of Nesta’s embrace above all else. Gripping his hand gently, she took a step back. At this, Cassian’s eyes snapped down in alarm until she placed his hand over her beating heart, hand atop his, unblinking as she watched the bloodlust drain from his gaze as he peered into her own, his eyes a telescope gazing upon the stars within the vast edges of the universe people deigned to refer to simply as Nesta’s eyes. Cassian knew he could spend the rest of his immortal life studying them and still he’d have more to learn. Nesta would let him.

In his heart, Cassian knew she could take care of herself, that it was an honest accident. The boy was still learning how to hold a sword, it wasn’t his fault he had it parried out of his grip, especially when it was Nesta who hadn’t realized she wasn’t the compulsory 15 meters away from the fighting pair; she’d been busy running back and forth bringing ice to the healers. Truly, if fault had to be blamed, Nesta laid claim to most of it.

Not that it mattered to Cassian, of course.

In his eyes were terror, veiled thinly only by the stubborn rage. In them, she discerned all his fears…his regrets that he couldn’t save Nesta from the Cauldron. She saw the same look in his eyes he had when they almost died together during the war, and finally she understood. She understood why he’d been so protective. That not only did he struggle with believing he wasn’t enough for his people, but for his own mate too. For the love of his life, his whole world. For his sole reason for living for the past 500 years, the present, and the eternal future. Her gaze was piercing, imploring, begging him to forgive himself, begging him to have mercy on himself, but he couldn’t. Not yet. Not yet had he proven himself worthy of his mate, nor might he ever.

At this, Nesta was the one to feel fear. Not at Cassian, but for him; a life of regrets and guilt is not a life at all, especially for an immortal.

From his shoulder she removed her remaining hand, gently grasping his own, the second twin blade dropping into the mud, and placed his large palm over her cheek, using it to cradle her face. She smiled sadly, tears threatening to spill over as she nestled her cheek into his palm, feeling the rough callouses she wished she could engrave onto her soul so that she’d never be without them.

Those tears? Cassian hated them. Each one that threatened to fall was yet another one of his failures, an indication of Nesta’s pain. Pain that he caused in his own inadequacy. He could never forgive himself.

This wasn’t a conversation they could have in front of a crowd, so she whispered, just barely audible, “take me home,” and instantly, he pulled her body flush against his and flew to the cottage that became the both of theirs, everyone else be damned.

One day, Cassian will learn. Just not today.

 ________________

There will be a part 2, maybe a part 3!! I hope you enjoyed :)

tag: @arinbelle

[domesticblisss]

So, Which One?

Marcel Barthel x Female Reader; Fabian Aichner x Female Reader (Mentioned) Rating: Smut (Minors DNI) Word Count: 1482 Warnings: Rough sex, hate fucking, PiV, sex without protection. Summary: Reader reaches an impasse with one of her FWB.

We met almost a year ago when I moved into my current apartment. Both of them were wearing sweatpants and tight t-shirts, a little sweaty, like they were just out of the gym. Seeing me struggling trying to carry the few last boxes to my apartment, Marcel asked if I needed help and him and Fabian promptly did after I said yes. We started small talking on our way to the place I now call home.

“I’m Marcel and this is Fabian. It’s really nice to meet you.” I felt a slight different tone to his voice when he said ‘nice to meet you’. I introduced myself to them and mentioned I’m on the fourth floor.

“Really? That’s great, us too!” Fabian breaks his silence for the first time. The elevator stops at our floor in a matter of seconds, and while walking down the hall, we discovered another coincidence.

“Oh, I think we really are meant to be.” Marcel spoke up “See this door in front of you? That’s Fabian’s, and I, I’m right here by your right.”

“Good to know! I’m glad I have someone to bother if the shower breaks or something.” I joke with them and we all laugh.

They help me up with the last few boxes and ask if I could do anything to thank them, to which they say no, and that it was not a problem.

“You know what? I’m craving some Japanese food. I was thinking about taking a shower and ordering some. What do you guys say? Yes?” “Okay!” they say it at the same time. “Good! I just don’t have a table yet!” “You can come over to mine.” Fabian offered.

We clicked right away. Marcel and Fabian explained to me how they are both wrestlers, something I had figured out with how they carried themselves, where they came from and little things about the two of them. I told them how I am a physical therapist and how I am opening a clinic with a friend, and a little bit from my background.

“Now I know who to come to when I have a sore neck.” Marcel said, very straight faced, winking at me when he finished his sentence.

We were inseparable after that day. The three of us went training together, they always got me tickets to their matches, I would invite them over if I cooked something and use them as my lab rats if I learned a new technique. We were always together.

It was around the third month that things began to change. Marcel had to head back to Germany for a week to deal with some family matters, leaving me alone with Fabian. One night, after a few beers in, things happened. We kissed, we fucked, we fucked a lot, god... Fabian can go all night. Sorry, I am side-tracking! Anyway, we decided to just let things run its course as friends with benefits, since none of us really wanted a relationship at the moment.

Marcel came back more... energetic, for the lack of a better word. One thing about Marcel is that he is way, way more straightforward than Fabian. He came up to me one night a few days after he got back saying “Look, I think you’re really hot and that we got something going on. I know you’re not into serious relationships and neither am I. So, what do you say? You and I, friends with benefits?”

All I could do was nod and say okay. He fucked me so hard on the kitchen table that night that I thought I was going need to buy a new one.

They are so different yet so alike. Fabian is gentler, more attentive to my needs and takes his time to make me cum as many times as possible. Marcel is selfish, the kind of man that you have to beg him to let you cum and it turns him on so much. Both of them have a ridiculous amount of stamina and it was starting to wear me off. It wasn’t long before they noticed I had a thing going with the both of them. They weren’t exactly happy, especially Marcel, but they agreed to let things stay as they were. Our routine stayed the same, we would still do things together, but never mentioned the other when it was just two of us.

Right now I am in bed with Marcel lying by my side. It is weird because it is the first time we are like this after our little agreement, side by side in bed, just enjoying each other’s company. My phone buzzes on the nightstand and when I unlock it, I am greeted with a text from Fabian. It is a selfie, a thirst trap selfie. Him, post gym, all sweaty. His pants laying low on his hips, that glorious v-line that I have kissed countless times on full display, his body hair was starting to grow, just how I like it. Besides the photo, all he sent ways a “Wish you were here 😉”.

I couldn’t help but whimper and press my legs together. Marcel soon noticed how my posture changed. “What’s going on?” he asked as soon as he felt my legs moving. “Nothing!” I answered back, hiding my phone. “Liebe, don’t lie to me. Let me see.” he said as he grabbed the phone from my hands. His face changed as soon as he looked at the screen. “I’m assuming I get the same reaction from you when I send you one of those.” “Not really.” I decided to lead him on. “Not really? Are you serious?” his whole face and neck were getting red, but he tried to hide it, keeping his posture. “Well, you send me like, five of those every day, I’m immune to it already. It’s the first time Fabian does it.” “You’re immune to it... okay.” He was angry, his tone of voice was the same one that he used in the ring when his opponent pissed him off, and it turned me on so much. “I’m not saying I don’t like yours, but Fabian’s was a pleasant surprise.”

I didn’t see what was coming next as he grabbed me by my hair with so much force that it was painful, he kissed me, hard, full of anger, and he bit my lip with so much want that I am certain the soft skin broke. He let go of my hair and got off of me.

“Turn around. Face down on your bed. Now.” His tone was so calm but had such an authority to it that I obeyed without complaints.

He didn’t bother on taking off all of his clothes, nor mines, his shorts were shoved down to his knees as he kneeled on the bed, pushing my panties aside, slowly inserting himself inside of me.

“You really are a little fucking slut, huh. There’s no need to get you ready, just rough you up a little bit and you’re dripping”. I couldn’t answer him back. His thrusts were relentless, the position making him hit all the right places and making me moan, loudly.

“Tell me, who makes you feel this good?” “Fabian does.” He yanked my hair once again and saw me trying to get one of my hands to my clit to reach my release faster and got a hold of both of them, securing them behind my back. His other hand went to my head, shoving it deeper into the pillow as he whispered in my ear “You don’t get to make yourself cum. You’re cumming when I want.”

“I bet Fabian does everything you want, doesn’t he? I bet he gives in to your little whines and moans. He’s weak, I’m going to show how it’s done.” “Fabian knows how to treat me right. Oh, fuck!” my body betrayed me when he hit a particular spot.

His pistoning got harder, faster. The hand that was previously on the top of my head moved to my throat, squeezing it softly. “Fabian will never make you cum like this.” “He will, he’s so much better than you.”

He stopped for a second and I felt the mood change. When he got back to it, he wasn’t trying to get me off anymore, he did what he had to do to make himself cum. After he emptied himself inside of me, he got out of the bed and started to pull his shorts up.

“Marcel, what the fuck? What are you doing? I was almost there!” I exclaimed as I turned around to look at him. “I don’t give a fuck. Call Fabian and ask him to make you cum since he’s so good at it.” He got out of the room and left the apartment, slamming the door on his way out.

Shit, I’m a fucking idiot.

[onemistresstorulethemall]

Reading Session

Originally posted on ao3.

The book mentioned does exist, but it's really explicit, so beware.

To: @reahaelll Your wish is my command 💕

Nsfw, F!Mc

You grabbed your book and headed to Satan's room. You agreed to a reading session as he confessed he would like to know more about human world authors and well, more about your taste in literature. Because the purpose is to learn new information, he specifically asked of you not to bring any classics, because chances are he already knows their work. You complied and brought something more unheard of, more controversial. You picked Juliette by Marquis de Sade. Hopefully the book was dark enough for the Avatar of Wrath.

With the book in hand you knocked on his door. After a few moments it opened and you were greeted with a familiar smile.

"Ah, there you are! Glad you could make it in time.", the blond demon invited you into his layer.

You realized he had made tea for the both of you. If you didn't know better you wouldn't be able to tell he was, in fact, the embodiment of Wrath.

You sat yourself on the bed followed by Satan. His legs were spread and you sat between them, your back pressed against his chest, while his chin rested on the top of your head.

"What are we reading today, y/n?", he cheerfully asked.

"I picked Juliette for today!", you showed him the cover of the book.

Once he saw the cover and read the author, he giggled a bit. But before you got the chance to ask why, he added:

"Well, we shouldn't waste time. Let's get to reading!"

You obeyed and opened the book. Your reading sessions consisted in one of you reading aloud from a book. It was usually you because Satan liked to hear your voice. So far you have discovered his favourite demon authors and you brought some books from the human world of which he had never heard before.

Within the first pages of the book you already found yourself reading sex scenes. You had an idea what this book was about, but you didn't necessarily know it was going to be all sex and sin. The sex scenes happened between so called nuns which made everything even more sinful. You brushed it off, in your head, thinking it was the right book to read to a demon.

If you were on your own, it wouldn't have affected you so badly, but being into the demon's arms, feeling his chest move as he breathe while having to read aloud lesbian sex scenes between "women of God" made you feel hot and bothered.

You took a small break to drink a bit of the tea Satan prepared for you. Your throat was getting dry. Also, you needed to stop for a second and get your act together.

"I didn't know you are into this, y/n", his voice was lower than usual and his tone more seductive, "You should've told me sooner, we could've had a lot of fun.", he pulled you into a tight embrace.

"I-it's just a book...", you stuttered sounding unconvincing.

"Do you know what the Marquis de Sade is famous for?", he genuinely asked.

You shook your head, unaware.

"The term 'sadism' comes from his name.", he giggled but it sounded quite dark, "Great choice there, y/n, reading a book from the father of sadism to the Avatar of Wrath. What are you hoping to achieve?"

"Look, Satan, I d-didn't mean t-to..."

He grabbed your throat gently, turned your head to the side and upwards, so you faced him. His eyes were gleaming, but it sent shivers downs your spine. His sweet smile meant nothing but the fact that he was holding in the rage that could turn the world upside down.

"You want to tell me that you brought in a book without even knowing anything about it? How are you supposed to learn if you don't inform yourself?"

"I-I'm sorry..."

"No need to apologise", he let go of your throat and flashed you a radiant smile, "Let's just get back to reading!"

You sigh in relief and go back to reading the obscenities illustrated in the book. Soon enough you felt a pair of warm hands caressing your body. You stopped reading and gasped in surprise. The demon lifted your top and exposed your lacy f/c bra.

"Keep going, y/n.", he whispered into your ear and he rubbed circles around the visible parts of your chest.

You obeyed, not wanting to make the demon angry. Well, angrier than usual. Stuttering and gasping from time to time, you continued to read. Your core started to tingle and you felt your panties getting soaked under your skirt.

"My, my, what am I going to do with you? I asked you here so we could both delve into a deeper understanding of the world, but instead you leave my thirst for knowledge unsatisfied... It pains me to say this, but y/n, you have to be punished.", his voice echoed into your mind long after he finished saying those words.

You zoned out for a moment and found yourself bent over Satan's knees with your skirt lifted and your butt out in the open. He started touching you gently, caressing you, kissing the small of your back and when you relaxed and got comfortable enough...he spanked you. A moment of break. No touch at all. And than another spank. He trailed his fingers down your spine, gently and then he spanked you again.

Although he only did it three times, taking into account his -although controlled- inhuman strength, it was enough to make your bottom red. You felt his hand move and you flinched out of instinct, but his hand made no contact with your skin. Instead, you heard laughter.

"You're just so easy to play with, y/n. It's almost impossible to resist..."

"It's not like that..."

He stopped for a moment. The silence was uncomfortable and you laid there, on his knees, awaiting his next move.

"You're right. How rude of me. You came here to read and reading is what you shall do."

With a swift motion he took off your underwear and helped you up.

"What do you think you're doing!?", you asked shocked.

"You ask too many questions, princess~"

The sound of his voice calling you princess made you melt and go on with whatever Satan had in plan for you. It was completely and utterly irresistible.

He tapped on the bed signing you to sit down. When you did, he handed you the book and ordered you to read. When you started doing so, the blond demon spread your legs and began tasting your dripping wet core.

"I can't fucking r-read like t-this, Satan...", you whined.

Like he couldn't even hear you, he kept going, giving you agonizingly slow and long licks, followed by him sucking on your sensitive spot. However, he made sure to get his point across by digging his fingernails into your thighs ever so slightly. The pain felt so good it made you moan in the middle of reading a sentence. That was the moment when he finally stopped.

"I truly refuse to believe that the line went like that", he smirked, "You're more pathetic than I thought. Can't read a book to save your life... Oh well, I guess I can still put that mouth to good use."

He climbed on top of you, took the book from your hands and placed it gently next to the bed. After that, his whole focus was on you, kissing you passionately, tangling his fingers through your hair. At some point he broke off the kiss, unzipped his pants and came closer to you. His member was centimeters away from your mouth.

"Open your mouth.", he ordered and you executed.

In an instant his lengthy thick cock was shoved into your mouth. Slowly, at the beginning, but his pace became faster and rougher and soon enough he was grabbing a fistful of your hair as he was skullfucking you into oblivion. You had tears falling down your cheeks and saliva was dripping down your chin onto your neck. Eventually, he stopped and pulled away, letting you finally catch your breath.

"You're a good toy, y/n, I'll give you that.", he said in an almost mocking tone.

He backed away and stood on the bed on his knees before grabbing your hips and pulling you closer. He lifted you up until your hole was on the same level as his member. He eased into you, holding your thighs so you don't fall.

As he moved faster, his nails dug into your skin, making you scream. You wished to keep quiet, but you couldn't contain yourself. It was all too much. Craving release, you reached out and started rubbing your swollen nub and Satan continued to talk dirty to you.

"Such a desperate needy little slut... I asked you here to read, but now it's clear that you were thirsting for something else..."

He continued to mock you as his nails were still into your skin and his cock was continuously hitting deep and hard into you. The stimulation from the penetration and your own attempt at finding release got you into a critical point.

"Satan, I'm gonna..."

"Beg, princess~"

Your eyes widened, but you swallowed your pride and added:

"I'm begging you, ah fuck, please... Ugh, please, Satan, let me cum!"

He giggled, but told you that you're allowed and quite frankly, that's all you needed to hear. The moment you heard his words of approval, your hand moved faster, your eyes rolled into the back of your head, your moans got louder and your legs started shaking. Even for a demon, it was a bit of a struggle to keep your legs in place.

Soon after, Satan pulled out of you, letting you sink into the mattress as he rubbed his cock above your tummy. In a few moments his semen coated your abdomen. Following his own climax, the demon crashed next to you on the bed and kissed your forehead.

"Bring this book for our next reading session as well, won't you?", he smirked.

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

29. The Altar of Grace

Previous Word Count: 4535

“Worship me,” Grace whispered, smiling. Hazel walked back into the room and she hung up the phone and set it aside. Simon didn’t call back. The commandment sounded final for the conversation. The challenge, hardly one at all. He did that every single day. With the exception of when he was at his sickest, backsliding, they would call it in the church - a problem that his mother often saw herself as having when she was younger, because she refused to ever acknowledge that maybe her problem wasn’t spiritual. She gave up even trying after they lost Hope. 

The Laurent family lost Hope, and Faith followed shortly after. But Simon? He found Grace. He was more used to the concept of grace than she was. The only time her family ever stepped foot in a church was for political reasons or at the very least public opinion. The little that Grace knew about any of that was stuff that she’d seen in media, and stuff that Simon had programmed inside of him. She’d once joked that he was going to start an Apex megachurch (there were megachurches all over California, and he had grown up in a church house), but the way that his mind went from outlining a few ground rules for the Apex to taking his knowledge of church legislature and formatting a very religious like experience in both praxis and adherence made her let the joke die off fast.

The Apex had been no joke to Simon. It had been, for lack of better comparison, his megachurch. At the center was Grace, and he worshiped at her altar, spreading the gospel of the Apex, the gospel of Grace. He wasn’t just making things up, in his mind. He was just telling others of his vision, of the world at her feet, of himself at her feet. The Bible often spoke of grace, but Simon was never sure of it before her, and once he was sure, his mind easily melded together the concept of grace with the incarnation that was Grace. She hadn’t asked for it. She was born into what she was. She had never really seemed to care one way or another about all of her faithful followers, the mass he organized at school, the branches of his discipleship that spread far and wide online. She had only ever cared about her chosen one. He was that. The one at the right hand of the throne of God, herself.

Grace’s commandment wasn’t unclear, nor was it new to him. It was simply her paraphrasing the Word of God, that he had always been familiar with to some extent. He had memorized verses in his youth. He had heard prayers throughout his life. He knew what she meant. He told her that he would do anything. Threw himself at her mercy to beg forgiveness. He was ready for her to give him his punishment, to give him his instruction, and her response, whether she realized it or not, was one wrapped up in the grace the preachers always spoke of. Because she gave him no punishment, just something that came as naturally to him as breathing - worship me… and she would give him what he was requesting… herself, which was everything he needed.

Sure, one could argue that this was the temptation of Satan. “All this I will give you, if you bow down and worship me.” Simon never believed in Satan. He didn’t really believe in God, either. But, the programming, the ritual, the practices… those were ingrained in him. He simply needed something to sit in the throne of his heart. He could see her there, as clearly as if she were in an actual throne… The was going to MAKE her an actual throne! 

Simon sat his phone down and went back to his workspace.

.

The weekend with Hazel was exactly what Grace needed to rediscover her equilibrium as single mother, independent woman, career lady, etc. Hazel was exhausted, but Grace was revived. Did she wish that she could still go for spontaneous jogs and not have to worry about leaving Hazel for a little bit? Sure, but she had an in home dance studio that she could work off just as much… toxicity. Simon hadn’t contacted her again. But, he was posting every day.

She wasn’t checking, but someone still to this day insisted on tagging her to things or sending her things. Some of these people HAD to make backup accounts, because no matter how many people her social media reps blocked for that, they continued coming. It was actually a few weeks later that she got a call from her contact assistant. She was in the middle of rehearsals for her next music video, as she was planning to finally release an album during her 23rd year. “Yes, Ma’am?”

“Hey, Grace… I don’t know how else to word this but to say that I’ve gotten several calls to ask you about Simon Laurent’s current… situation and it seems like one of his worst meltdowns yet.”

“What? I JUST saw and talked to Simon a few weeks ago for my birthday and he was fine. Although… his mom is dying, so he may be taking that harder than he wants people to know. Just, send them the statement that Simon and I aren’t close enough that I know what is happening with him at all times, but hopefully he will receive the help that he needs in this instance, just as before.”

“Of course that’s my general answer, but there are some very specific concerns that I believe would matter a little more to you.”

“Like?” Grace asked, worried. If Simon had done something violent, or mean, or explosive, she was ready to cut the cord. She had an album, a child, and her 23rd year, and she was not going to waste as much time as she had in the past on overlooking things.

“Well… The first one is the hashtag The Apex Resurrected… it makes people think that you and Simon are mending things, which many people have thought for months, ever since his birthday in California and the family trip in Belize. Now, there are others coming out with accounts of having seen you two in the Bronx for your birthday - the elevator incident at the club, a few crude videos of you… um… dancing with him that night… and now this, weeks later.”

“The Apex Resurrected? I actually haven’t had anything to do with the Apex in a very long time. The Apex became Simon’s and as far as I knew, it was still a thing amongst the stans. You can release the statement that I don’t know anything about that, nor am I interested in learning.”

“Got it. Next cause for concern - He seems to be collecting various professionals in the Apex, or old Apex, or whatever it is for various tasks. Architecture, and other things. He has been making announcements about making a throne, about worshipping you, and about how he backslid…”

Grace bit her lip, “Okay… I may know something about that. Okay. Ummm… I’ll talk to him about it. What else should I be on the alert about?” 

“He’s buying a place in Riverdale.”

“Did he get the job?”

“Nothing that I’ve found mentions his job, but that he is buying a house. Grace… That’s not that far from East Village… Is it possible that he knows where you are?”

“No. I’ve been extremely careful and Hazel has too, to not mention things that may give way to our neighborhood. But, he was staying in Riverdale a few weeks ago whenever he was here around my birthday, so maybe he just liked it.”

“Well, he’s been speaking about researching if he can grow hazel trees in New York, because he apparently wants those trees on the property, specifically.”

“Okay, that’s a little concerning, maybe.”

“Moreso whenever he begins to poll followers to ask what type of accommodations they would suggest for child quarters for a female presenting child between the ages of 10 and 13.”

“Okay, no. That’s very concerning.”

“People are speculating that the two of you are moving in with him, or at the very least will frequent his home.”

“Shut it down with a simple ‘I didn’t even know that he had found a place in New York.’ We don’t need to tell anyone about Hazel and I being secretive about our neighborhood, as that will probably make people more curious and for all I know, there are Apex people sprinkled around here. Give me a moment to call him, then I’ll call you back for further updates.”

Grace took a deep breath and called Simon. “Grace! I’m so happy to hear from you! I was afraid that I wasn’t doing enough.”

“Simon… from what I’ve heard, you’re doing way too much, Dude. What’s uh… what’s going on, on your end?” He held the phone for a while, confused. “Simon?”

“Yes. I’m sorry, Grace. I don’t understand the question.”

“Okay. Well, my rep called me to say that she’s being contacted by outlets that are concerned about some of your behavior lately. Are you… okay?”

“I’m better than I’ve been in years! Everything is returning to normal, going back to the way things are meant to be.”

“Well… Now, I’M the one who doesn’t understand. What do you mean by returning to normal?”

He laughed. “Grace. I asked you what I needed to do, and I heard you. You’ve missed it. Your power, your following, your praise… and I am going to give it all back to you. I’m going to elevate you again, the way that I used to, the way I never should have stopped… I worship you. That’s what you told me to do to fix this.” He sounded very desperate, but hopeful. He also sounded like he knew that saying this out loud to her… they had a miscommunication. “Grace.” She was silent, but he knew that she was still there, doubting him, doubting herself. “What’s wrong with it? What’s wrong with worshiping you? In my own way? It never caused us any pain before. That pain didn’t begin until my love was stifled, and twisted in ways that didn’t feel natural. Are you going to tell me that you don’t think about where we might have been if I had just been allowed to love you like I knew how?”

“What you called love became unbearable for me,” she said.

“It won’t this time! You control whether or not I even get to see or talk to you. I just have to be patient. I have to remember that it isn’t about me. I have to thirst for what you’re willing to give me.”

“Simon, that’s extremely unhealthy.”

“I’m never going to have a healthy relationship! My background, my childhood, my conditions… I’m always going to struggle with normalcy and reason. Relationships will always be difficult and strange… But, does that mean that I can never be happy? That you can’t? The things that have made us happy in the past were things that were so extra to everybody else. You’re just as unhealthy as I am, you were just forced to face that sooner than me. That’s why even though you could have any man in the world, probably any woman, if we’re honest, you haven’t let go of me. I’m always with you. Even when we were broken, beyond reasonable repair, both of us kept holding on to all those fragments. We… belong, Grace. We’re family.”

“Simon… Hazel is my family…”

“Too.” he said. “Hazel is your family, too.”

“We can never be what we were, Simon. Worship me… I didn’t mean it like it sounded. I was being playful. Treat me super nice and buy me things. Fool around a little when we both have time… not… rebuilding the poison that we were together.”

“That poison is who we are. Even with help. We're never going to fully get it out of our systems. We just are learning to live with it there. You rush to save me any time you think I need it. I defend you before I even know a full story. That worked for us, for you and I, until I got greedy. I wanted more, when everything was in perfect harmony. I know that now. I won’t do it again.” 

“Simon…”

“I’m making room for Hazel, as well. I’m not trying to take you back or move her aside. I want all of us…”

“In this poison???”

“Unfortunately, Grace… just like us, that kid was born into poison. But, look at how good for her you are, and how good for you she is… And yet… you still hold on to me. Why can’t it be all of us? Working together and healing together? Why can’t I worship you and love Hazel, too?”

“Because I already made the mistake of trusting you and it went miserably! It’s still affecting me, to this day!”

“I know. It maybe always will, just like your parents always will, just like things that will happen between you and Hazel eventually will. Everything in our lives affects us in different ways and I affected you in a really bad way when I knocked you off of your pedestal..”

“It was YOUR pedestal! I never ASKED you to be that person! Then, I had to try to fill shoes that I didn’t even want!”

“But you want them now. Tell me that you don’t want me to faithfully follow you, to do whatever you ask, to atone through my acts for you. Tell me in honesty that you didn’t mean anything by telling me what you told me, and I’ll leave you alone.” They were both silent for a while, then she heard him exhale, relieved. He knew he was right. “Grace… I won’t hurt you again. I swear on everything that we could be together.”

“I’ll… see where you’re trying to go with… whatever you’re doing right now. But, we can’t just go back to normal, Si. Sometimes, just the thought of your face enrages me. Sometimes, I want to visit you JUST to punch you in the gut. We’re not gonna be just okay, even if we work at it.”

“Okay. That’s better than nothing. I had a mom who attacked me every time she saw me. You have no idea what I’m willing to go through to be close to you.”

“Therapy. We should… engage in at least combined therapy, and that’s before jumping to any conclusions that we’re going to be friends again or whatever. Also, I need to talk to Hazel, to see how she feels about you and even the idea of us reconciling to restore friendship for real.”

“She approves,” he said. “She thinks her mom OUGHT to be worshipped.”

“I know you didn’t talk to my baby about this.”

“I asked her for your hand in worship.”

“Ugh. STOP TALKING. I’m gonna… give you a little bit of space while I speak to Hazel and my team.”

“I’m going to continue what I was doing.”

“Are you… sure you’re okay?”

“I feel like you’re trying to ask me about my mental health. I’m fine. I’ve started even seeing a grief counselor that my therapist suggested, for the situation with my mom. I’m going to ask him about a couple’s therapy plan, since that’s important to you. My most recent meds are agreeing with me. I promise… I’m not having an episode, just further epiphany. I want you to have what you were content to have before… do you remember?"

"No. I barely remember my order at my favorite Ethiopian food place."

"You had a wonderful person that you loved and wanted to spend all of your time with.” She vaguely remembered that conversation now. It had been so many years… She didn’t know if she remembered the feeling. She remembered that she had been honest that day, but she honestly couldn't even place herself in the headspace of her 15 year old self. Of… 10-20, even. She had a rebirth at some point. That Grace was dead, as far as she knew and realized… but… she dared to presume, and hoped to guess… maybe that Simon was dead too. The things that they went through still happened, but only in an anecdotal retelling. The man on the phone… she HAD shared a portion of life with him, as well. A sit down, a death scare, recalling their past, birthdays, a sexually gratifying (less traumatizing) entanglement… He was correct. She hadn’t been able to let him go. There was no way to explain it, but if she was going to latch on anyway, they might as well make the most of it.

“Are you in New York?”

“Yeah.”

“Same place as before?”

“No, that was a rental, but same neighborhood.” She could tell he was smiling.

“IF my talk with Hazel when she comes home from school goes in your favor, we’ll stop by with a housewarming present.”

“I would like that.”

“IF Hazel feels safe with it.”

“You’re a lot more afraid of me than Hazel is,” Simon said.

“I’m older and wiser than her.”

“Ehhh… Definitely older.”

“WOW! What part of worship is you roasting me?”

“You told me that your definition is be super nice, get you stuff and go down on you whenever you want… so… I feel like I can make fun of you whenever appropriate.” She blushed. “But, you’re wise. Just… maybe not as wise as Hazel.”

“Speaking of… the trees and trying to set up quarters or whatever… that’s a bit much.”

“I don’t think it is. If we’re going to be establishing a new normal, she’ll have to have as much space in my home as she does in her own. When have you ever known me to half ass something important? You and Hazel are important.”

Grace held the phone tightly. It… mattered that he said that. Regardless of her reservations, of his probable episode, and the sheer amount of nonsense that her rep told her was happening. It mattered that he told her that she was important. That they were.

.

Hazel and Simon seemed to have been plotting on her. Hazel was a little too comfortable with the thought of them “being friends” with Simon, with the thought of group therapy, home visits and the like, and her saying, “I’ve lived life as a turtle. I don’t think Simon’s episodes are any more peculiar than that,” only made Grace feel guilty about her immediate thoughts - that Simon was having some type of meltdown. 

Now that she thought about it, those usually began with him feeling very bad, but that 16th birthday party… that particular whatever it was began with a similar mood - Simon hearing what he wanted to hear, doing too much for her, being very excited about things that had NOT been promised to him. “This is the 16th Birthday Party level meltdown!” Grace said, when it occurred to her. “Abort!” She said. 

Hazel looked around the shop and then at her, “Abort buying Simon a housewarming gift?”

“Yes! We… are gonna ghost him!” 

“No… We’re not gonna ghost him, because that will take a 16th Birthday Party level Simon and send him into a Pre Hospital level Simon.”

“I just…”

“Grace, do you think that I’m ever going to stop turning into a turtle?”

“Yes. You do it less and less as time goes on.”

“But, what if I don’t? Will you stress out and worry and treat me like there’s no hope?”

“Hazel, that isn’t the same thing.”

“Simon had some type of psychosis going on whenever you two were going through that. He’s spoken about visions of the Void, and you know for a fact that some of the delusions that he projected had no prompting from you. But, he’s been in therapy for a few years and on meds, and doing everything that he can to make amends and clear your name. I know that he’s the one who messed it up in the first place, but look…” She took Grace’s hand and traced a scar on it. “I look at this a lot.” 

“My old scar?” Grace asked, chuckling. 

“My old bite mark,” Hazel corrected her. “You never seem to think that I’ll bite you again. Simon was doing bad and you don’t have to forgive him or trust him, but if you never will, you should tell him that, not ghost him. And if you won’t forgive him or trust him, it would be better to return to the format of a clean, easy break. What do you think of this hedgehog planter?”

Grace smiled, “I don’t think that fits Simon.”

“I meant for me. He’s really cute. I can put some herbs or a little succulent in there…” 

.

Eventually, Hazel decided on a mini lamp shaped like a white cat. It didn't look like Samantha, but she liked it for her anyway. Grace bought an attachable bidet. Simon was at home, shirtless, in some pajama bottoms and slippers that looked like wolf feet whenever he heard the door. He threw on a tanktop and opened up. “Happy Housewarming!” Hazel cheered. She was holding a gift bag with tissue paper stuffed in it and she pushed it forward.

“Thank you, Hazel!” Simon said. He accepted it and Hazel walked in, immediately going to Samantha so that she could come see the gift too. Simon and Grace were staring at each other. He turned towards Hazel, “Wow… this is a really cool lamp. It’s gonna go well with things too, because everything in here will be white or earth tones. Like the rental, but like… MY style stuff. I’ll give you a tour.” There were boxes still unpacked in each room, all labeled as the room that they were. The only thing set up so far was his workspace, bed, and master bathroom. But, he told them some of his plans for other space and rooms… and he really HAD thought of everything that Grace would have tried to think of if making space for herself or Hazel… even if she WASN’T planning on them ever living here. Hazel was excited about the prospect of a “second home.” ‘WE should help you throw a proper housewarming!” Hazel cheered. 

“Who would I invite to that?” Simon wondered.

“Grace’s friends!”

“No!” Grace and Simon both said, then laughed. 

“My friends, then… and their parents,” Hazel said. Simon looked to Grace for confirmation. She shrugged her shoulders. “In the event that Grace does not have an opinion on the matter, the natural response should be to seek out my opinion.”

“Okay. Then, you do that, then.” He smiled and leaned against the counter as Hazel started speaking of her decorating plans and other party details.

“You are going to unleash a monster,” Grace said.

“You’re one to talk. She was spoiled whenever I met her. I’m just matching the kid’s energy. What’s that?” He nudged his head.

“Oh! It’s a bidet. Didn’t know if you had one or not…”

“I do not and I do need one, so thank you!” He accepted it and set it aside. 

“So… Can… we maybe move her tea set here? You’ve got A LOT more space than my place and it isn’t so far away that it’d be a huge jump to host her tea parties here, if that’s okay?” Grace looked at Simon and saw him processing this question. He looked like he didn’t want to get his hopes up, but also couldn’t shield his excitement.

“Hazel is perfectly welcome to move her tea party set here and her friends are welcome to throw them here, as well.”

“I’ll be here. It won’t be like… me leaving her with you.”

“That’s even more fun,” He said. “Do you need me to rent a moving truck to get it here?”

“No… I’ll handle that part.” So… there was still a level of distrust. But, this was still very big for him and he was going to count his blessings. “Come on, Hazel! We’ll be back around.” 

“Bye, Simon! Thank you for the amazing quarters!” He walked them outside and to the car. Grace was reluctant to hug him or anything like that, but she smiled and wished him good night. Simon watched her drive away and looked up at the stars. It didn’t matter if anybody was there or nobody was. Hazel and Grace had made a decision to give him a chance. He didn’t know yet what, but he wasn’t going to let either of them down.

Whenever Grace and I were younger I used to give her tribute. That was what it was called. It started really simple. She defended me against some bullies and after we took care of them, I snatched a couple of things, as souvenirs for her. Then I just continued to do that all the time. I began to do it on a daily basis. I convinced others to do it too. It was never an obligation. She didn't ask me to give her something. She didn't demand that others paid her tribute. I made a conscious decision that she was worth that offering. I spread word to others about it. It was an act of worship. I built her altar with my own hands. I molded her believers with my words. If you asked me back then she owed me everything. 

Fortunately now I know better. I'm older, I like to think I'm wiser. It was always I who owed her. I owed her for defending me. I owed her for befriending me. I owed her for lowering herself to my level, even if she just did it so she wouldn't be alone. I thought too much of myself. Convince myself that I deserved everything that she had been gracious enough to give me. I didn't appreciate the value of my riches in Grace. 

Life has a way of working things out that aren't meant to be. I was never meant to be the king. Always the servant… Trusted, certainly. But there for the sake of the one who mattered the most. I did everything in my power to be on top. When something isn't meant for you, you can't take it away from someone else. In the process of flying too high, I made myself have to fly solo. Grace had been the wind beneath my wings that made me fly as high as I was flying. Without her there I fell. I crashed. 

She was too busy trying to keep herself elevated. She didn't even really witness it - the way that life gave her back what she deserved while I plummeted. She moved on to things on her level. She had chosen me to come with her. I tried to replace her. Now she's soaring, and all I can do is watch from the ground. Proudly, certainly. But forever with the knowledge that I was once next to her, that I could have stayed there had I not tried to snip her wings…

Next

[theotherbloodfart]

Hey there! I love your blog and the way you write IT. I was wondering if you'd do a fic where he reunites with a victim he knew as a child. Maybe she wasn't afraid of him so there was nothing in it for him? Idk i just, am really in love with this idea and would love to see ypu bring it to life

ITinktober Day 15 Token

Yes I'm shamelessly killing 2 birds with one stone lol. This is also a part one. Wrote this to Falling Down by The Deadlights

The child stumbles in the darkness. She is long past screaming. For days she has wandered in the sewers. Lost. Missing. Her hunger has ebbed her to trembling weakness. And, although she thirsts, she cannot bring herself to drink the grey water she hobbles thru. Her little fingers trace shapes in the slimy walls of the pipeline as she walks along. She has long grown accustomed to the stench of this place, her watering eyes already nearly swollen closed from crying. And she doesn’t realize……. She is being watched.

…………………………………………….

It slathers hungry foam into the water below It’s jaws. This child is practically salting herself! For days It has watched her. For days It has restrained Itself from consuming her. Possessed by an insectile curiosity, It has observed her reactions to this very literal and tangeable sensory deprivation. Has watched her sob for the light. Beg for her birth giver. Has slapped It’s knobby claws to It’s maw to stifle It’s delighted chitters.

This, It’s brutal and cruel experiment, this missing child crawling around in the pitch darkness of these sewers. It’s realm. Searching for hope. Searching for the light.

And she shall certainly find light. It snaps It’s fanged buck teeth into It’s knuckles, sniveling thru the droplets of blood which float into the nostrils of It’s button nose, relishing in the cracking sound of breaking bone, in a nearly vain attempt to silence It’s wicked joy. Oh yes. She shall find light. Deadlight. It scampers off, the sound of It splashing away making the child swoon with terror at its echoing liquid noise.

It feeds now. Sating It’s eternal hunger momentarily on a whelpling foolish enough to stray too far from his mother. These blithering mortals are nearly too easy. But that’s why It likes them so well! Easy pickings! It picks loose flesh and sinew from It’s fangs to chew on them again. So sweet! Luscious innocent fear! Yet It returns to her quickly. She is rarely alone in this darkness, tho it might very well be better for her if she was. It feeds off of her terror, slurping and suckling off the raw emotion which peppers the air. Until one day……. The fear is gone.

It hisses and twists in the grey water of It’s abode as she passes mere meters away. Where has the fear gone? No more sweet pristine fear is this emotion. Only hollow coldness. The thing has finally given up. Such a shame. It supposes It must eat the thing now. No more fun. Can’t have the thing stumbling out into the world. Can’t have the thing recovering to live out its pathetic existence. Such a waste! But perhaps a few more drops of succulent fear can be wrung from the thing.

…………………………………………

A tiny light appears before her. She rubs her eyes with her grubby fingers before looking upon it fully. It buzzes and bips along… like a firefly. She should feel joy. Relief even. But even in her child’s mind she knows this cannot be so. Does not trust this. Yet follows anyway. This tiny light draws her onward, she stumbles over debris in the water and nearly falls, yet clambers upright and continues onward. Reaching out, supplicating with her hands. She doesn’t realize she’s out of the water until the tiny light fades away. She cries again, waterless thirsty sobs. Until she realizes she is no longer in complete darkness. There is a light, dim but sure, drifting down from a source far above.

Her eyes widen and her little mouth parts in dumb joy. She slowly makes her way into the vast room. There is a massive pile of old discarded objects in the middle of this place.

The next thing she sees makes her freeze. There are people floating! They appear to be sleeping. He childish mind wonders if this is what happens when one dreams. Does she float as she sleeps?

The sound of tiny tinkling bells brings her eyes to a large wagon. The paint on the side is faded but she can barely make out the letters. She spells it and sounds it out as she approaches it.

“P. E. N. N. Y. W. I. S. E. Penny. Wisey.”

“Very good, Ellie.” The sing song voice makes her jerk around. There standing spotless among the refuse, is a clown. Not like any clown she’s ever seen before tho. Lanky and thin, crouched on one knee, his hands folded primly on his upraised knee. He is dressed in a silver costume very much like the very old dolls she had seen in an antique store once. His eyes are the most brilliant periwinkle blue she has ever seen. They shine from his white painted face, nestled above cherub like cheeks. His red lips are parted in the most unusual smile she has ever seen. The lower lip droops almost in a u shape.

She laughs, claps her hands delightedly and runs to him. His smile fades for the briefest of moments before immediately righting itself. He holds his arms open to her approach as if waiting for a hug.

………………………………………..

It allows her embrace, not returning it, merely draping It’s arms around her as she cries into It’s neck ruff. Where the fuck is her fear? It knows children are trained from birth to avoid strangers. And It’s favorite form is garish even for a stranger. And yet this tiny thing radiates…… not fear……. Something else. Something It has never felt from a human. It has scented this before. It has scented this from the creatures prostrate at their houses of worship where they supplicate some nameless thing. Some ancient deity in the stars. Foolish.

And yet this emotion radiating from this tiny human is……. Flattering…… it feels pride. A different pride than the paltry smattering after a kill. This…… this is heady. ‘She thinks I am a god.’ It chitters and shakes It’s head, causing It’s bells to jingle and spittle to drizzle into her hair.

…………………………………………..

Ellie pulls back arms length from him.

“You’re not a clown are you.” It was a statement rather than a question. “You saved me. Are you my guardian angel?” He hisses in barely repressed laughter.

“Hardly child. But I shall be your friend if you wish?” He places his massive gloved hands on her shoulders and turns her to face the wagon. He then places his chin on her shoulder, making his sightline only a little higher than hers. His soft ginger hair tickles her ear. Raising a silk finger he points at the letters and says the words slowly.

“Pennywise The Dancing Clown.”

When she turns to him again his eyes are glowing golden orbs, one still looking at the wagon, and the other focusing on her eyes.

“Your eyes are pretty Mr Pennywise.” This makes the straying eye snap to hers as well. He tilts his head, looking down at her.

He jerks and snorts from some internal struggle, his face losing its solidity for a moment before righting itself. Lines of spit drip onto his neck ruff.

“Are you hungry too? I….. I don’t have any food. I’m sorry.” Her face lowers.

He uses a hooked gloved finger to tip her face back up.

“Noooooooooo.” He freezes. Much too long, his irises wandering outwards before refocusing. “But I bet you are, aren’t you Ellie?”

Her stomach growls loudly as she nods. He stands stiffly lifting her as well. Lifting her high to sit on his shoulders. She can not possibly know that this was because this entity knows It will devour her if she remains in line with It’s mouth.

They are silent as he walks her out of the sewers and into daylight, before setting her gently near the edge of the barrens where It knows that an adult will soon find her.

“Aren’t you coming too Mr Pennywise?” Her eyes are soulful.

“I’m afraid not Ellie. I am an angel of the sewers unfortunately. But here. Take a little Token to remember your friend Pennywise by won’t you?” He proffers a large red balloon. She takes it and smiles up at him before turning to walk away.

……………………………………….

“You visit ole Pennywise any time!” It’s hold on this town, and a quick sweep of the mind of the whelpling's father tells It that as soon as the girl is returned they shall be leaving Derry.

It feels inner confusion and rage at It’s own actions. It had released a perfectly good meal! No matter. It waves a hand in a huff before slinking back into the sewer.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

I’m sorry I’m late, Levi. Here is my birthday Drabble for you

I’d heard the rumours. We all had. The stories one would tell a child to keep them from seeking the embrace of the night. Like a fool I’d signed my name to the contract. To hunt the unhuntable. The rid them all of the curse of the night. Yet such a fool I was. Young and ignorant of the future to pass. When I first met him, it was like a midsummer dream. A flitting presence in the corner of the eye, as one would expect from a young sparrow on a breeze. He held himself with such poise and grace, with a but a turn of the head he’d carried himself from my vision, if as if the sparrow had never been. I may say met, though we did not speak. But for me it was the truest form of meeting. A meeting of unknown fates that would bind us all the way to depths of our very soul. He knew me, from but a glance. Yet our true meeting was still some time off. Winter in all its bitter struggles came. The land swallowed by the thick blanketing of snow. The nights so cold and long that the darkness seemed forever infinite against our finite existence. With its rolling winds and dancing flakes, it came to us and stole our warmth. First one or two, then soon I was all but was left. Such lofty dreams we held when we started. Wishes that our names shall become recorded as the great heroes we believed we’d be. How foolish man is. Man who is but a drop in the great ocean in all the times since time began. How ignorant we were of the particulars of our foe. I’m sure if we had known this was how our story would end, none of us would have been so hasty to sign our lives away. No one would have called us cowards. For each man sought his own self preservation above all. Each of us thought ourselves the finest of specimens. Each with some unique trait or quirk that would ensure our victory against all odds. Yet, we are but flesh and bone, and he... he was manhood ascended into god form. For many nights passed in the bitterest of conditions. My stead, whom I had taken the pains to train painstakingly since foaldom, the most trusted of all my companions finally fell. His noble white hook taking through the ice, as a warm knife would slide through butter with ease. Thrown from the saddle, limbs so numb that the pain of the landing elicited the sensation of a thousand needles upon the soul, were useless as his struggled, sinking ever deeper into the frosted swamp the ice had hidden. To shoot him was as if to shoot ones self. In the arm or such, no, perhaps the removal and loss of such limb would truly be the better description. His black eyes half lidded as continued to struggle. Leg clearly broken, yet my noble friend still tried. With an almighty snort, resignation filled the beast’s features, death delivered swiftly so as to release my last true friend from the struggles of his mortal life. That night I ate the heart of my last friend. Taking upon the legends that his strength should reside in me if was to do as such. Following his death, it was as if God had condemned me for the murder of the most refined beast. The gunpowder I held fell damn and useless. My clothes torn to shreds by the biting winds. I sincerely hoped for death. I had not even raised a hand to my foe, yet he laughed at me from afar. He struck us all down without lifting a single finger against us. Such thinking’s brought a smile to my face, the weeks of isolation and seclusion has endowed me with a touch of lunacy it would seem. If my poor mother was to see me now, how she would weep for her foolish son. Perhaps it was better that she’d been taken into heaven’s embrace early, sparring her the horror of her son’s foolery. Oh, why had not listened to gentle Armin. His kind and soft nature so often seen in those of scholars and academics. He’d thrown himself at me, begging me to rethink, and how bitterly I wish I had. His warm embrace and that of my cousin were the selfish dreams left to a dying man. Those days we laughed as children might. Armin’s sweet nature naturally made him the target of those less than civilised, yet my sweet friend never raised a hand in his own defence. Not wishing to stoop to such levels, he held a defiant stance. Unlike myself and my dear sweet cousin Mikasa. How I longed to see them both. Would the recognise the wretched thing I became as their once dear friend, or cast me to the streets? Sweet Armin, so gentle and willing to help the most wretched would offer me a seat by his fire and soup to warm my empty stomach. Mikasa would glare, her slim arms crossed as she watched, waiting until the last dregs of the bowl were empty to then cast me back to the streets. It was by some amazement I had lasted as long as I had. My poor notebook had seen better days, it’s pages often stuck together from the snow melting through and chilling my breast. Each coming day I had tallied, each line a signal that my bleak existence had not been snuffed out while I huddled lost and cold. How many life times a man could live in those days condemned to be remember by such a small and trifle thing as a line. By my count a fortnight and then some had passed since the killing of my dear friend, and all that time I had wandered, sometimes until my body could no longer support my saddened frame. As I scrawl these few lines I am quite certain that tonight shall be the last for me. My refuge the ruins of a once might cathedral. A fitting place for one whom God Almighty has turned his back on. I never did meet him again, yet I am remarkably at peace with this outcome. I may be a young man, all of 21, yet I feel the cold chill upon me as if I were the most wisened of men. Let me sleep, and dream of the better days and the embrace of my mother awaiting me. It is by luck that I made it through the night. I felt sure that the small fire I kindled together has been dying as my eyes slid closed. It seems too happy to call it luck, though I know my dear sweet cousin would call it just so. Regrettably it is a sentiment I can no longer associate with one particular emotion I might call my own, for each day is yet another served in self loathing. It would have been far nobler to have passed with him comrades, for I have passed so far that there is nay chance of being recovered. If there was, such a grand and fine cathedral shall not have fallen into a sad state of disrepair. When I close my eyes, I can very nearly imagine the ladies of the parish in their fair white dresses, one perhaps two bells tolling. The familiar phrases of muchly repeated bible versus, that as a child I thumbed nose at. Again by luck, or some greater cosmic design, there was a dead rat not so far from where I’d bedded. Bedded. Ha! What a novel notion. The rags I sleep in barely hold a candle to soft downy bed I shared as a child. None the less, and as starved as I was, the companionship of the rat was short lived as I roasted him over my fire. Such a short and brief meal, my manners akin to ravenous wolves as I devoured my brief friend. Despite pretending the small thing some more appealing such as a quail, the gamey taste filled me with such revulsion I barely kept the meal down for a matter of moments before I threw up. Where he sits upon his throne, God is surely having a good laugh at this pitiful fool. It has now touched on dusk. I am taken by a peculiar sensation of eyes upon me. Rats scratch and mice scurry. Yet I have not the strength to pursue either. Through the shattered remains of a once grand window, the moons bright rays are yet to illuminate my little friends. My little friends who shall no doubt feast upon my bones, as I did their brother, upon my demise. Above me some bat looks down, the soft fluttering of the wings I at first mistook for death on the wind. To have come this far, I wish I had the strength to go all the way. To catch this fiend and hold him to account, for I have lost so much on this chase that he is all that is left for me. It is now we meet for a second time. His footsteps lighter than a feather as he flits just out of sight. His eyes as red as the flames of hell, yet all he has done is wait. I have pulled my blunderbusts on the devil, yet he does not know as I, that the powder too wet for even a final shot. Yet, perhaps if provoked, he would grant me my fondest wish of a swift death. With shaky aim, I raised my guns, pointing at the fiends red eyes, fingertips paused on the triggers. He speaks no words, nor makes any sound, yet I hear his laughter in his ears. My fingers squeeze the triggers but a millimetre and he is upon me. Great halberd in his grip. In the light of the mood he does not look like the devil of legend. He looks like my saviour. His soft short black hair flows so beautifully, his eyes now silver in the light. Plump bottom lip and thin upper of the most palest pinks. My fingers abandon the trigger. In a split second he’d changed the trajectory. The heavy silver blade that was to grant me my release embedded it’s self barely a breath from my ear. My wicked foe, nay, I cannot deny, for he is the most beautiful man I have set my eyes upon. He is quick to jump back, confusion clouding his charming face “Why do you not shoot?” His voice makes my heart leap, for having no one to talk to for so long has taxed me muchly “Why do you not behead me? Or is your thirst so great you think to drink from my neck?” He pulls a face, crossing his arms. Clad in the garb of all Prussian upper class, his riding coat black with the fanciest of gold trimmings. It charms and suits him muchly. He stands an inch or so beneath Armin, and perhaps a whole heads length beneath me. Yet, in his own way, it is so becoming upon him. It plays on the tip of my tongue to tease him over his height, but never have I beheld such a man who radiated such intelligence. Oh the conversations we could have had had we met under different circumstances “I’m not so hard up to feed upon any shitty brat before me” I cannot help myself as I laugh. His refined appearance held none such hint of such blunt conversation. Yet again, it suits him well “Alas, it is all I have to offer you. Had we met elsewhere, perhaps we could have feasted like kings. Yet, I am sure when the night ends, so shall my life” “This is true. You’re barely worth the rags you sit in. At first I was irritated, then confused as to why you did not turn back” “The foolish pride of man. For we are a gluttonous bunch” “Stubborn pride shall be your ruin” “I can not deny that. Nor you nor I, shall deny the words of a dying man” His voice excited my heart so. I’m quite certain he must have noticed as he came closer, removing his weapon from where it was lodged as if it weighed nothing more than a sheet of paper. The second the weapon disappeared into the shadows it ceased existence. If not for the gaping wound beside my head, I would have thought it all a figment of my imagination “Having pursued me for so long, I find myself curious as to what you are thinking” My heart fluttered, a sensation I thought gone “That the devil may just perhaps be my saviour. If I am to die tonight, might I look upon the moon’s grace one last time” “It is the act of an insincere man to swear on the full moon” Arranging my features into the best smile I could give him, I replied “Then it is a good thing that God has turned his back on me, though I’m sure I have nothing to swear” When he laughed it sounded like the first sweet bird songs once spring has sprung. Taking my hand as if I were not a filthy thing, he raised me to my feet. I felt sure he must hear the pounding of my heart. The delight of being touched again sent shivers through my body. His own held a warmth that was wholly unexpected. Supporting my frame, he led the short distance to the windowsill. The moon in all her grace shined so brightly tears formed in my eyes. In my hurry to thank my companion, I turned too fast. My cheek hitting his face as I gasped in horror. Again, my strange foe laughed. I noticed blood had beaded upon his lip where his sharpened fang had cut “I am sorry” “You are strange. You delight in though from he who you deem “devil”. Now you apologise to the face of your foe” My cheeks heated, he had noticed my excitement “The moment you stepped beneath her light, I have never seen a sweeter sight. Your countenance not at all like the villain my mind had made you into. The human mind is fit for flights of fancy. The first time you danced past my vision, I thought it a dream. If this is all a dream, I pray not to wake” “You’re a strange one, aren’t you?” Raising a soft hand, he thumbed over my cheek. The softest in his eyes so gentle my breath caught “Will you feed upon me when I die?” “If that is your desire. For the man who pursued me for so long, I shall grant you one last wish” The decision came easily. For if I never say another day, I did not wish to die with this regret “Then let me wish for a kiss” His lips were soft. The softest ever pressed against my own. Knowing my own perversions, no kiss bestowed upon me had ever sent my heart soaring as the soft meeting of his lips against mine. Not those of my sweet cousin, or those of friends offered in friendship. No. None of those kisses could compare to the thrill of no longer denying ones self. Feeling his teeth scrape against my lower lip, he pulled back to gaze at me in the moonlight “For many months I watched you. Your foolish struggles brought me no delight. I knew in my heart that I should be gladdened at the death of your friends, but let me tell you this, Eren Jäger, I was never the monster responsible for the crimes against my name. Your blood is the first to pass my lips in long over a decade. I do not wish for your death, yet I have nothing that which may sustain you” My heart skipped a beat as he said my name. It seemed all was well known by him “You know my name, but I not yours. They call you the devil, all manner of names as such” “I am Levi. Nothing more, nothing less. This curse forced upon me against my will. When you have passed, I shall continue to walk this world alone. Is there someone I should notify of your passing?” Brushing the hair from my face, I wondered how I could ever thought this man the worst kind of fiend “My sweet cousin. Though I fear her so fierce she shall instantly hold you to account. I have no blood family remaining. My father is gone and my sweet mother taken by the plague. Her own family was lost, and like a sister she has been to me” “With your boundless pride, I was sure you must be the rebellious son of a noble” Smiling softly, he wasn’t terribly wrong. My father had held a position of high standing as the saviour who’d stood against the initial plague upon our village “Perhaps in another lifetime... You have shown me much kindness, Levi. For that I am grateful. Never have I had such a sweet kiss placed upon my lips. I shall be gladdened if my life is of some use to you” With his arm around my waist, he led me back to the fire’s warmth. Before I could object, he sat beside me. His pretty coat upon the dust “You know what I am, yet you did not ask for my curse” It would be a lie to say that I was not envious of the thought of seeing another day, but it was his eyes that stilled the thought before it reached my tongue “Never have I seen eyes as sad as yours. Your curse is no great blessing. It has robbed you of even the simplest joy death brings. But you shall not have my pity, for I know you are strong enough to see this curse through. I sincerely hope from the depths of my heart you shall find someone to walk this long and dark road with you” “Would you?” My laughter turned to a harsh cough. Levi rubbing my back until my breathing had settled “I am hardly anyone’s first choice. I shall cherish our first and last kiss. It was more than I ever thought I shall receive” “I ask... I mean... You are right. It is hard and it is lonely. Yet it has been easier since I set eyes on you. Your boundless youth. The beast you hide within. I don’t think I would mind being bound by this curse if it was at your side” “You flatter me, yet you do not know me” “I know enough, Eren. If you ask of me this, I shall promise you shall never walk alone. We both house what they call “beastly” desire. You are the first and last human I shall ever offer this curse upon. For know it is a curse. And yet, I am selfish and a slave to my human desires of company” Staring at Levi’s face, he was earnest, if not looking somewhat constipated. How beautiful he was though. As if carved by the hands of the greats. His silver eyes held such hope that I found myself as his mercy. This man, who’d shown a wretch like me such kindness. How could I deny him his request when he’d asked me so honestly. The beast I’d thought to hunt was my saving grace in my darkest time “Will it hurt, terribly?” My tone was timid, Levi’s fine lips morphing into the saddest of smiles “Only to begin with. Then each time one you love passes before you eyes” “You, who have led the saddest of life’s have given me such joy. I can deny you this one wish you have of me. I ask that if anything is to go wrong, you shall destroy me by your own hand, for nothing shall give me greater joy” “For you, I shall. I shall give you the Earths and the heavens, all wonders shall lay before you feet” My cheeks reddened further, for his words spun like the finest of silks “If I am to have you, then I already hold all the wonders a man could ever need in one lifetime, or two. How does this... How do you...?” Levi stroked my hair so lovingly that I could not help but lean into his touch. For a man whose heart no longer beat, he’d shown such love and kindness “I will cut your lips upon my fangs, then do so my own. My curse is in my cursed blood. Yet know, I do not sup from those not of my kind. You shall meet them all in time. Until, my blood shall be your bread and wine. A whole new world will scare you. It will overwhelm you. And at times you will curse me. But for one as lovely as you, you are all I could ask for in a mate for this journey of life. I swear this to you” “Isn’t it the act of an insincere man to swear on the moon” “Our lives are not blessed by the warmth of their so called God. Insincerity is all I have, though I do believe I swore to you, and not on the clear moon of tonight’s sky” “Then you shall swear on your blood. The blood we shall share” “This is do readily. Are you prepared? I will take no offence if you decline me, or only accept my proposition so that you might return to your family some day” “I have stalked you this long. I might as well follow you until the end” “Then close your eyes, my gentle beast. Take my blood and be born new” The pain passed to pleasure. I am quite sure that I must have lost my mind. Never have I experienced such an unbounding pleasure as I found in that bloodied kiss. Levi’s blood rushed to meet mine. The feeling akin to having a million wasps released into ones bloodstream. Such descriptions would not normally be used in such tight conjunction, yet to those who have not tasted the sweetest of sins there is no easy way to express the overwhelming senses of... overwhelmingness. Hungrily I fed from his lips as a starved babe from mother’s teat. Levi undenying of my thirsts, holding my body to his as the last of my breath passed from my mouth to his. I could not tell you how long the embrace lasted. It felt to me as if all the seconds of all the minutes of all the hours of my meager life passed between us. Levi feeling my dizzying highs and bitter lows with such grace the last beat my heart gave was for him. When the moment passed and the kiss broke, his eyes flashed red “Tonight you will change. Your body will born anew. This place does nothing for one so fine” “It has its own charms” “It’s filthy, brat. So filthy that not even pigs should be subjected to disgusting environs. You, who walked so far, let me carry you the last of the way” “My heart. My soul. My blood. It is all for you” Spurred by my words, Levi was swift in lifting me from the floor. My arms looped around his neck, as I hid my giddiness. This life is already such a magical life. We have no breath, yet we form words. Our lungs expand from brain’s memory that breath is a necessity. He did not need to breathe, still, I felt the steady movement of his chest as he did... He was so very human, yet so very not. My blood dribbled down his chin and chest, staining his fine line shirt and cravat. My nose could smell his blood amongst the mix. Base hunger aroused, somewhat mortifyingly as I realised my desire to lap away the traces of our sealed pact. For his part, Levi raised an eyebrow, I’d temporarily forgotten he’d faced the same hunger before “Soon, my insatiable beast. Let us leave before the first rays of dawn” “Shall we ever gaze upon a sunrise again?” “We shall see so many that they will all become the same” “Still, this is our first sunrise. I feel remiss to not know the date” “It is Christmas. The first day you shall walk beside me. Nothing could thrill me more” Unable to suppress a little mischief, I laughed softly “And soon you shall see that I am the gift that keeps giving” “I have no of doubt that” Burying my face against his neck, Levi started towards the broken window, as he leapt with me in his hold, it occurred I’d been quite rude. I’d decided myself his gift, on this the holiest of days. But as God had turned his back on me, I turned my back on his son. The man whose arms held me, held more hope than I’d ever known “Happy Birthday, sweet Levi” “The sweetest one to date”

[sweet-little-bird-fanfic]

YOUNG K - Pure Desire

Masterlist & Chapters: Check my bio for the masterlist link. Idk why but posts with links don't show up on the tumblr's search feature anymore. So, I'll leave the link to my master list there, where you can find the other chapters easily. I hope this is still functional for you guys, sorry for the trouble. I hope you can still enjoy my work despite the technical issues.

Summary: A young writer that’s struggling with her work until she crosses paths with an intense and fated new type of inspiration; An inspiration called: YOUNG K!

Genre: Fanfic; Romance; Smut (っ˘ڡ˘ς)

Warnings: Swearing? 

Chapter 2- Game Threat

Violet

When I woke up, I felt like I was dying. My head hurt, my eyes were barely open and my body was moving in slow motion. I looked around outside my room and found the house really quiet, I assumed my brothers were still deep asleep so I walked downstairs to the kitchen as silently as possible.

I made myself a cup of tea and sat on the counter as I drank it. I saw the plastic bags of socks and sweets I bought yesterday on the kitchen table and choked in a laugh. I didn't even remember how I got home last night, but that would eventually come back to me. My brain just needed some time to process, so no worries!

As I enjoyed my early warm drink, I heard people chatting from outside the house. I tried to look out the window but (big bro) Kim Jii's car was blocking the view, which probably meant the boys ordered some breakfast out and went to collect it.

- How dare you bring a delicious breakfast home, when I have a hangover?! - I said as they walked into the kitchen, but for my surprise, I didn't only see my brothers.

I saw DAY6.

- Oh! DAY6! - I looked at my big brother - You're working this early?

- Some people say our brain erases the painfully embarrassing moments. - Kim Jii said with a mocking face and an accusatory voice - Were you that traumatized last night?

- Nah, just too drunk. Sorry! - I laughed as I got off the counter and bowed to DAY6 - It's a pleasure to meet you.

I looked at them and accidentally locked eyes with Young K for more than I should've had. I could feel my heart skip a beat and looked away as fast as my brain processed. "God, are you having a fangirling attack? Get hold of yourself!"

- You've met them yesterday. - Kim Jii said whilst enjoying the situation.

- Noona, you don't remember? - Kim Joon (baby bro) asked somehow awkwardly.

My face started to feel extremely hot even before I remembered what happened. Before I looked in his direction, my body could sense his eyes burning my skin. But It was when our eyes met once again, that everything came back to me and the image, sensation and reality of the hug from last night hit my body like a truck. As Young K looked into my eyes, it was as if I was still holding him tight between my arms, as if I could still feel his warm and tough arms around me for just a mere second. And even though his luscious smell was now just a memory, it was as if it was still invading my senses at that moment.

- It has something to do with Young K, doesn't it? - I said trying to pretend I still couldn't remember - Did I give you weird socks too? I'm so generous!

- No. You gave me a hug, actually. - Young K stated the facts bluntly, with no hesitation and without releasing me from his intense glance, as a playful smile appeared on his charming face.

I felt my knees getting weaker with the smiley view and I desperately tried to search for a solution to get away from this situation. Unfortunately, I had an incredible talent to be a philosopher:

- The universe wanted me to give you a hug. And the drunk me is even more generous than I thought. So feel blessed! - I said as I gesticulated some weird movements with my hands - I deeply apologise for my behaviour last night, but I'll now have to retire and take a shower. It was a pleasure to meet you all! - I said as I run away from the kitchen and left them behind as fast as I could.

I rushed upstairs to my room, as I locked the door I slid against it and sat on the floor in disbelieve. How could I have done something like that? No! How could I have forgotten about it, even if it was just for just a few minutes? The sensation of touching him and being touched by him was rushing through my body, and my face was so hot that I was afraid it could actually explode from the embarrassment. I shook my head trying to get the memory out of my mind and stood up to notice that I was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday.

I told myself that I shouldn't look in the mirror, that it would only make me feel worst but I couldn't fight it. When I stared at my reflection, I didn't look terrible, I was a disgrace: my hair was a mess, my lips were dry, my eyes were swollen and my dark circles were as big as a hippopotamus butt.

- No, no, no, no! Why is this happening to me? - I held my face in my hands - I can't believe they saw me like this! Especially, after the drunk hug thing!

After admiring my morbid appearance and trying to convince myself that what happened last night wasn't something that bad, I picked some clothes from my closet and placed them on my bed. I needed a shower to wash my soul and to let go of all the shame that was hunting me. So, I grabbed my skin lotion from the shelf and headed to the bathroom. I made sure to lock the door to avoid any more dramatic situations.

I didn't take a really long shower, but the hot water running through my body made me relaxed enough. The more I tried to forget about the hug, the more I thought about it! But what was done was done and I didn't plan to look like I did something wrong, I had to be strong and to find a way to hide my guilt.

Maybe I wouldn't even see him again, maybe they would be gone by the time I was all dressed up. "Yes, that's it. They'll be gone already!" I thought relived for a second, but then my stomach twisted in terror when I looked around and didn't see my clothes in the bathroom. I must have had left them on my bed and now I was stuck in a tiny towel! I couldn't go out like this, what if anyone saw me? "No, it's fine. They're gone!" But what if I dropped the towel on my way to the bedroom and someone saw? "They're gone. They went to work! Yeah."

I was lost in fake positivism and bad possibilities. I placed my ear against the door and tried to listen to any sign of life outside the bathroom. I called out to my little brother, but I got no answer and so, since I couldn't hear anything, I unlocked the door and peeked outside. "All clear!" I thought to myself as I walked out and looked at the stairs to make sure no one was coming. But, when I looked forward and was about to feel relieved, I bumped into someone and panicked. With the sudden impact, I let go of a weird noise as my towel got loose and was about to fall. But that's when he pulled me against him as he placed his hands on my back and stopped it from tumbling down.

- Is something wrong, why did you scream? - Young K asked.

My legs were trembling and I didn't even have to face him to know it was Young K. His scent invaded and petrified me, his hands set my back on fire and even though I was feeling hot, I shivered with the feeling of his breath against my ear when he spoke:

- I stopped it from falling, am I supposed to grab your towel too? - He smiled and laughed slightly when he didn't get a reply or a reaction from me - This is not only hard for you, you know?

I finally looked into his eyes and blinked sceptic to his choice of words and attitude. "Big mistake!"

When our eyes met, I could feel myself melting into his deep brown eyes filled with excitement and thirst.

- Can you close your eyes? - I begged - Just in case...

- Sure. - He said biting his tongue.

I looked down and grabbed my towel with my hand to make sure it wouldn't fall when he would let go of me. And as I looked up, my cheeks started to burn even more than where his hand were touching, he was staring at me the whole time! What if the towel had fallen?!

- Sorry, I had to check if the universe wanted me to see you naked. - He copied me and left with a naughty smile spreading on his lips.

I hurried to my bedroom and saw him getting into the games' room from the corner of my eye. I shut the door abruptly and kicked my bed unnecessarily just to end up hurting my little finger. As I dressed my forgotten clothes and brushed my hair quickly, I could hear my brothers and the famous boys speaking ridiculously loud behind the few walls that separated us.

I didn't even know why they were all there, but I couldn't even care about it. Because Young K's words kept echoing in my mind and I could feel myself about to explode. How could he speak to a stranger like that? He didn't seem to be a womanizer, so why was he messing around with me?

- You hugged him... and showed up in front of him wearing a towel. - I said to myself - But still! It doesn't make sense!

I struggled before leaving the room, but finally found the courage to face them (him). I was going to apologise and understand what was going on in my own house.

- I'm sorry to disturb you, but can someone explain to me why you're here? - I asked as I walked in the games' room and saw some mattresses and blankets everywhere.

The games' room is the place my brothers conquered as their territory and it usually just had a sofa, a big television, ps4 and all types of games there is. But for some reason, it was looking like a camping zone. I looked at Kim Jii (big bro) in confusion and waited for my answer.

- I messed up... and I had to bring work home. - He said as if he was talking about adopting a stray dog from the streets.

- Care to be a little more precise, please? - I said as I patiently sat on the sofa.

Kim Jii looked like a child asking for one more piece of chocolate as he proceeded to explain the situation, whilst all members of DAY6 looked at me in expectation, except for Young K, that had a curious look on his face.

It seemed that Kim Jii was in charge of getting a place for the band, but unexpectedly and even though the contract and all the papers were ready, the house remodel wasn't. There were still some works to be done in the kitchen and bathrooms. And because my brother mixed up some dates, the talented boys left the old previous house before the new one was ready.

- I get it. So they spent the night over because you couldn't find a better solution in such a short notice.

- Yes, but... - Kim Jii was interrupted by Jae.

- Actually, we have to stay for more than one night.

- Don't say it like that! - Wonpil said as he gently touched Jae's arm.

- It's because your brother will get in trouble if he has to find another place for us. - Sungjin spoke politely - His mistake will be noticed and he might...

- Seriously, working with celebrities must be so scary! - I said honestly - I know the house is mine, but I consider it ours. You can have as many guests as you want, Kim Jii. But I have one condition!

All of them looked a bit nervous as they didn't know what to expect. It's not like I would ask them to pay rent and even if I did, they could probably afford it better than anyone else I knew.

- Can we start over and forget all the incidents that happened? - I looked directly to Young K as I spoke, I could hear affirmative responses from everyone else but that wasn't what I really needed.

- I don't feel like it. - Young K replied with a provoking smile.

- Oh, come on! - Dowoon and Wonpil said in unison.

- She was drunk and already said sorry. It was just a hug! - Jae defended me.

- But there's nothing to be sorry about, really. - He laughed - I didn't mind any of it, nor regret it!

- Shhh... see he's fine with your hug, he'll keep it as a souvenir and the rest of us will forget about anything you want. - Jae spoke friendly and made me feel a bit better.

I smiled and even made some jokes to try to make things look normal, but I could feel his eyes provoking my self-control. It was going to be an interesting month.

***

After everyone left the house, I had the opportunity to try to put myself together. It wasn't working really well, so I was trying to distract myself whilst cleaning and organising the games' room and arrange it to be comfortable as much as possible, so 5 pretty boys could sleep in there for a month.

That room was ridiculously spacious and the few pieces of furniture that used to adorned it, made it look even bigger (now it just looked like a messy big room with improvised beds everywhere). I moved all the mattresses to one side of the room and put the sofa and television on the other. I made their beds with fresh sheets and blankets, placed towels from different sizes at the end of each one of them. I was tempted to leave one with no towels, but I wouldn't know which one would Young K sleep on.

My head was starting to wander off, thinking about strong arms holding me against a hard body when my phone vibrated:

BIG BRO: U need to sell your secret, you'll get richer with this than with your books! ME: What secret? (it hurts. not funny. leave my books alone) BIG BRO: The secret of "how to conquer kpop idols"

My heart started beating really fast, was he talking about Young K? He wouldn't have told my brother what happened in the morning, right? It was an accident and I wanted to desperately stop thinking about it.

ME: What? BIG BRO: How to conquer FOUR kpop idols, to be exact! ME: wait 4... what? I'm lost BIG BRO: They keep talking about you... WAY TO GO, VIRGIN GIRL! SO WILD 😏 ME: IM NOT VIRGIN!!! What are they saying? What do you mean!?!?!??!?!?! BIG BRO: Sorry it was a typo... I meant NotVeryMuchExperienced* girl Whenever YOUNG K mocks you, Dowoon, Jae, Wonpil and Sungjin start defending you xD IT'S HILARIOUS Young K is gonna be my bias from now on ME: He can't be your bias!!!! BIG BRO: Why? Is he yours? Does that mean he's taken... Sorry I don't know how this works xD ME: THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! WHY AREN'T YOU SIDING WITH THE ONES WHO ARE DEFENDING ME!? They're angels! I love them. I'm gonna build a statue of each one of them. BYE!!! BIG BRO: Bye, I have to go talk to my bias ME: ... didn't ask anything BIG BRO: His smile is so cute. Do you want a pic? ME: NO! I can ask google for it and MR GOOGLE WILL NEVER BETRAY ME! SO, BYE. BIG BRO: ooh this is so fun! I found a new hobby ... by the way, I just texted to ask if you could do me a favour 😇 ME: ... the answer is no. BIG BRO: I'll send you a shopping list in a bit, okay? ME: ... fine. BIG BRO: Thanks! I love you almost as much as I love Young K ME: IF I didn't know you better, I would think you were gay BIG BRO: You know damn well why I'm teasing ME: ?? BIG BRO: GOD, you're so cute sometimes ME: You're scaring me. BIG BRO: Never mind, maybe it's just my instinct playing tricks

It didn't take long until Kim Jii (big bro) sent me a shopping list. A very detailed list. I guessed all those things were for the boys, to make them feel at home.

Without realising, I spent all the afternoon shopping. When I finally got home, I left all the purchased items on the kitchen counter so they could organise them as they wished and landed on the sofa to rest for a bit. I barely had shut my eyes when I heard Kim Joon (little bro) opening the front door.

- Noona, did you eat? - He said before I let myself fall asleep for a few minutes.

When I woke up I felt warm and had a blanket covering me. As I heard voices coming from the kitchen I followed them wrapped in the heavy red cover.

All the boys were in the kitchen, the brothers and the famous ones too. They were eating some snacks that I had bought earlier. I purposely sat on a chair that I wouldn't have to face Young K.

- Did you just arrive? - I asked them with a sleepy smile.

- It's been 30 minutes. - Jae said holding his laugh whilst looking at my figure.

- Did we wake you up? - Wonpil asked kindly.

- Naah, I wasn't sleeping.

- You were snoring though. - Kim Jii (big bro) joked.

- Ah, ah! I'm gonna pray that's not true. By the way boys, I've organised some things in the house for you. The second floor's bathroom is all yours! And I tried to make the games' room look like someone could sleep in it. - I said as Young K sat next to me drinking some juice.

- Thanks. - Young K said with a sly suspicious smirk - That bathroom is for us, you don't want it?

- You can have it. - I said looking in the opposite direction.

- It's the bathroom you came from in the morning, right? - He asked laughing as I looked at him shocked.

Even though he was covering his mouth with his hand I could see the satisfaction in his eyes for teasing me and being able to provoke me as easy as that. No one seemed to notice any malicious meaning behind his words, but I could feel his blazing intentions through all my skin.

- Why are you being like this? - Sungjin asked a bit confused but at the same time amused.

- She's being considered! - Dowoon defended.

- I mean, I think she's kinda being nice to help her bother but... - Jae said playing.

- She's being nice still! - Wonpil agreed with Dowoon.

- I think she's not being nice. Her room is right next to that bathroom, maybe she's being nautg....- Jae covered Young K's mouth so he couldn't finish what he was about to say.

- She even had to give us the games' room, so shut it!

- Ahah! It's alright, I'm not good at games and I don't use that room much. I'm not being nice because of my brother, I simply want you to feel welcome and comfortable here. And I'm sure my brother will fix the house problem in no time. Plus if he gets fired, he can't pay the rent! - I said as normal as possible, trying to ignore what that teasing boy said - Well, that's me for the night. Goodnight, if you need anything bother the idiot bro.

When I stood up my arm accidentally bumped into Young K's shoulder. Since I was wrapped in a gigantic blanket I couldn't really control my movements. I looked in his direction and bowed apologetically and to my surprise, he didn't say a word. Instead, he softened the blanket by caressing my back and bowed his head slightly in response. My heart beat so fast, that I walked out of the kitchen as fast as possible in fear someone could actually be able to hear it.

I locked myself in my bedroom and hid under the pile of blankets and sheets of my bed, the time would go by and I was still wide awake. I couldn't stop thinking about a certain someone. To be honest, at the beginning it was my fault since I hugged him but now?! ... Now, it certainly wasn't. Okay, that I forgot my clothes in the morning, but he was the teasing, naughty, scandalous, disgraceful shocking big idiot here! Not me! I was innocent and I could feel my soul be shaken away by this beautiful sinful piece of heaven.

It was 2 AM and I couldn't sleep.

I got out of my blanket fortress and shivered due to the difference in temperature. I walked down to the kitchen to make some tea in hope of calming myself down and find a way to fall asleep.

As I enjoyed my hot camomile tea, my biggest and newest weakness walked in: Young K in pyjamas. His hair looked more voluminous than before, probably from rolling around in bed. And his expression was hard to read, he looked different than before. It was as if he was being careful with every move he took when our eyes met and I swear I saw him look away for a slip second nervously as he gulped. "Fuck that Adam's apple!"

- Can't sleep? - He asked avoiding my eyes.

- I was working. You? - I lied and tried to avoid my own thoughts.

- I can't sleep. - Young K said as he locked my eyes with his.

The way he looked at me made me shiver even more. The thought of being in pyjamas without a bra suddenly hit me and I abrupt and unnaturally crossed my arms over my chest to hide my hard nipples.

- So... - I said too loud - Want some tea?! It always puts me sleep.

- Sure. Please... - He said sighting and observing my crossed arms.

- Oooooo...kay - I said in the most awkward way possible to imagine.

I stood up and went to get a mug from the cabinet to serve him some tea. When I stretched my hand to get it from the second shelf, I was ridiculously nervous and I could barely think straight.

I placed the mug on the table and focused on pouring hot water in it to make his tea.

- Do you want sugar? It's next to the coffee machine.

I saw him searching for it and coming in my direction. As I dipped the tea bag in the water, I felt his body against mine and saw his hands on the kitchen table blocking me from running away. I involuntary groaned in a high pitch voice and turned around. "Big mistake!"

There was barely any space between us and his breath was cutting my lips open. To try to create some distance, I innocently placed the mug between us.

- Did you get excited whilst working? - he asked as his eyes stared down at my chest for a short moment and came back to mine with an intense, feverish burning shade.

- I'm cold! - I said as I tried to escape from his arms in vain.

He took the mug from my hands, placing it next to us as he tried to decrease the space that was still separating us. I felt my legs starting to give away as his breath started to feel warmer on my skin. I placed my hand on his large chest in the attempt to sustain myself and at the same time stopping him from coming closer. Which was useless, since he easily grabbed it and put it out of the way to slowly kiss it. He pushed himself against my body and I inevitably sat on the kitchen table trying to get away from his dominance. "A bigger mistake."

- Were you thinking about me? - he bit his lips as he stared at mine - Was that why you couldn't sleep, Violet?

My breath started to accelerate and I could feel myself losing control when he said my name. I tried to look at something that wasn't him, but Young K was glued to me and I didn't stand a chance.

- I was working.

- You're a terrible liar, Violet. - Young K said those heavy words against my ear as he spread my legs open with his bare hands through my skin and tinny pyjamas shorts, pulling me closer and biting my earlobe.

I squeezed his shoulders and tried to hide my face against his neck, trying to adjust my shorts into the right place, that were now rolled up and hardly covering much skin. As his scent violated my senses, he placed his hands on my waist and pulled me even closer to make me wrap my legs around him.

- What are you do... - I tried to ask not really sure if I'm asking myself or him, either way, he interrupted me.

- Earlier... - Young K marked within a gasping breath as he placed his right hand on my neck - You said you weren't good at games. Shall I teach you?

Masterlist & Chapters: Check my bio for the masterlist link. Idk why but posts with links don't show up on the tumblr's search feature anymore. So, I'll leave the link to my master list there, where you can find the other chapters easily. I hope this is still functional for you guys, sorry for the trouble. I hope you can still enjoy my work despite the technical issues.

A/N: Next chapter will be written in our Young K's point of view. We'll get to see what's going through his head eheh

[therake-1996-blog]

Irreversible Ch. 6

We’re not quite done torturing poor Ziggy yet :’(

Zyglavis POV

Chapter 6- Fire and Ice

In hindsight, I suppose Eden was right, along with everyone else. I was just afraid of something I’m unfamiliar with, afraid of how I’d change.

And look what that cowardice has earned me.

It was just a tickle, just a small itch in my throat that I thought coughing would fix. Then suddenly I couldn’t stop. That itch moved down into my chest, pushing and expanding my ribcage like something was alive inside me, something that wanted to do me harm. My lungs screamed, burned for air, but I couldn’t get a breath in.

And then, something inside me pulled. I felt warm liquid rocket up my throat, tasted metal on my tongue, as it shot out from my lips.

A wave of agony flew over me, crashing against me like a tidal wave, before darkness closed over my eyes as tightly as a blindfold.

And now…there’s nothing.

I struggle against the black, an instinctive reaction. Fight back, don’t let it take you. It takes all I have not to let the darkness crush me entirely.

I list all the reasons to stay alive, to continue my fight, and list them again, over and over again as the black shoves me, wrapping around my body from all sides.

I promised the king that I would serve beside him for eternity.

I have a department to run.

I am a zodiac god.

I have family within the eleven other zodiac gods.

And…Eden.

Eden.

Her name echoes around me like a mantra. She didn’t know me well, but she still did everything in her power to help me, even after she was imprisoned by other gods. She gave me everything I wanted, even if what I wanted wasn’t good for me. I should never have taken advantage of that.

Let me see those dark green eyes that glint like emeralds in the light again. Let me see the long, wavy hair the color of melting dark chocolate again. The tiny, little freckles that dot her cheeks and nose, so small and light, you have to really be looking to see them. The long eyelashes. Let me hear her voice, soft and gentle, angelic even when she’s yelling. Let me feel her cool skin.

I can’t leave her alone.

The blackness pushes me some more, and I fight back, stronger now, shoving it backward instead of the other way around. I don’t care if it’s selfish. I don’t care the other gods see it as wrong. I don’t care.

I want to live, and I want to live for Eden.

And then I feel a warmth. Right where my heart would be, radiating outward. It makes it easier to hang on, easier to shoulder the weight of the black. The warmth expands, jumping upward to my head, to my brain, and suddenly, the black, the threat of death, recedes, leaving me with only the warmth to focus on.

The warmth in my chest and head grow, begin to feel more real. Hotter and hotter they grow still, feeling so much like reality that it’s hard to believe I’m just imagining it. And the heat continues to grow, much, much too hot. Uncomfortable. Too much heat.

The pain comes on fast, rising and peaking several times, until I feel I can no longer withstand the pain. And every time I think that, it grows stronger still. The flames shoot down my arms and race around my chest, twirling down toward my abdomen, razing my phantom body.

The peaceful darkness that surrounds me suddenly grows bright, white light surrounding me on all sides.

Like resurfacing from under water, my consciousness comes back to me with dizzying fierceness, and I’m aware that I’m not dead.

But how I’d like to be.

My body, lying on a bed, is stock still, truly being burned alive as the sound of a clock ticks somewhere nearby.

Why would they set me on fire? Why can’t I move, tell them to put the flames out?

I feel a hand cup mine.

“Zyglavis?” A gentle, familiar female voice enters my ears, soothing, but not soothing enough to distract me from this agony. “I know you’re in pain right now, but it’ll be over soon. I promise.”

It’ll be over soon? How soon? Minutes? Hours? Days?

All I can think about is how badly I want to claw open my chest, rip apart my skull, and yank out the offending organs from within. It doesn’t feel worth it, not living through another breath.

I feel the licking fire swirl around each and every ligament and bone, twirling down my spine as if it were simply a ribbon. It cuts off abruptly, and then—

My ribcage suddenly lifts, a broken connection healed by the twining fingers of flame. Had my spine broken?

Right after the vertebrae and nerves are healed, the pain increases tremendously, igniting my entire lower half. I want to scream. I want to thrash. I want to beg her to just kill me right now. But something still holds me down, gagging me, an invisible hand wrapped tight around my throat, not even allowing my expression to change.

And then—oh!

Something that feels like a rush of icy cold needles shoots out from my very core all around my body, pumping through my veins. Each beat of my heart causes another degree of unbearable pain, an undesirable mix of fire and ice.

Like raking claws dragging along my skin, tearing me to shreds, like raging hornets swarming my brain, like corrosive acid, eating away at my organs, I had no idea it could’ve possibly gotten any worse.

As I lay, bound and tortured but unable to communicate, I hear the door open.

“How is he?” Scorpio’s voice asks.

Awful. Terrible. Just let me die already.

“He’ll be alright,” Eden replies quietly, her free hand stroking my hair.

“And…how much will he…you know…change?”

The room is quiet for a minute, long enough that, through my agony, it actually begins to annoy me. That’s a question I’d love to have answered, Eden!

“The core aspects of his personality won’t change,” She says finally. “If anything, they’ll be amplified. However, novus vampires are extremely moody. If you say or do the wrong thing, it could be the last thing you ever do.”

That means the rabid lion and the problem child had better be on their best behavior the next several months. Hell, make it decades.

“And the…thirst?”

“He’ll be thirsty when he wakes up. It’s best that you aren’t around.”

Scorpio doesn’t say anything more before leaving, shutting the door quietly behind him.

…

Ten-thousand, four-hundred, seventy-three…

Ten-thousand, four-hundred, seventy-four…

I realized a long while ago that my hearing is getting clearer, more defined. I can hear slow, even breathing beside me over the frantic pounding of my heart, the sound of rushing blood in my ears. So I focused my entire mind on that breathing.

It’s the only thing that guarantees an end.

One might think it’s interesting that I can hear every footstep, every rustle of clothing, every murmuring voice in the palace, but those sounds are insignificant to me.

The unholy fire and ice combination continues ravaging my body as whatever is choking me continues silencing my cries, but it’s easier to ignore those while I can hear Eden breathing.

A couple thousand more breaths pass, and I notice a new, stranger sensation.

Starting with my face, I feel a strange…tingling. My cheeks feel like they’re filling out, along with my lips. The sensation moves to my neck, then down along my collarbones, to the rest of my body. I feel a thumb run over my bottom lip.

Eden’s lips brush together, air leaving her lips. No one else could hear what she says.

“Beautiful.”

Beautiful? Last time I checked, I looked like a walking corpse.

And then my heart takes off, the sound like one long sustained note as every vein in my body begins sealing up for eternity. The fire begins to cease in my arms and legs, leaving them pain free, like the fire and ice had never existed to begin with. Eden lets out a breath beside me.

“It’s almost over.”

The relief I feel is short lived when the fire and ice that had once lived in my extremities draws up into my heart, like someone doused it in gasoline and lit it up.

How long has it been? It feels like forever and a day.

As my heart sucks up the remaining venom in my body, I feel something inside me break, but not in a bad way. This feels…liberating. Like I’ve been released from hell.

The curse. The curse has been broken.

It only worked on gods.

And I am no longer a god.

That hand that had a firm grip around my throat this whole time leaves with the absence of the curse as well, telling me that the curse was the one silencing me. I could scream now if I wanted. I could thrash around. I could flop like a fish out of water.

However, before I can make the decision, the fire constricts, congregating into the last living organ inside me. My heart pounds forcefully a few more times before it stutters once…twice…and then not at all.

There’s no sound. No breathing. Not even mine.

For the longest time, the absence of pain is all I can understand.

Eden shifts nervously in her seat next to me, impatient for me to do something.

And then I open my eyes.

[golddaggers]

Teasing

Reader x Stiles Stilinski

(NOT MY GIF)

Imagine: You are Derek Hale’s daughter and has a passionate relationship with Stiles Stilinski, but he doesn’t know. Once he founds out, he invites Stiles over to dinner and you decide it’s good timing to make him pay for all the teasing.

N/A - It’s nearly three in morning, so forgive me for any mistakes. I’ll fix them later. 

Warnings: sort of smut, but it only has some handjob; also, swearing. that’s all. 

Word Count: 1767

“Fuck…” You moaned softly, enjoying the touch of Stiles’ tongue against your neck, licking and leaving purple marks behind. “We can’t do this here, baby, if my dad bursts in, we’re screwed.”

His honey brown eyes turned dark and a naughty smirk curved his lips, as he shortened even more the space between you, tightening the grip on your hips. A low gasp pushed its way out of your mouth, because, damn, that Stilinski knew how to tease. 

“Didn’t you say he’s out a town?” He hummed, the vibration on your skin sending heat waves to the small nub in the middle of your legs. “Plus, you’re my girlfriend and I think it’s only fair we come clean to him.”

You laughed, managing to slip away from his arms, and went to the fridge, snatching an apple juice box to ease your thirst. Stiles furrowed his eyebrows, tilting his head and looking adorably confused by your latter actions. 

“What is it?”

“Nothing. I’m just wondering since when Derek Hale’s wrath doesn’t scare you.”

“It never did!”  

“Oh, no.” Your voice was soaked with sarcasm, making the boy shift the weight between his legs and frown, clearly annoyed. “I’d like to hear your perfect explanation, other than fear, to why you jumped out of my window last week when he got home.”

“Is this an attempt to shred my masculinity to pieces?” He questioned and, even though it was a bitter response, his tone was smooth, making chills run across your spine. “Because if it is so, I’ll have to show you again who the boss is.”

That strong, dominant man standing in front of you nearly erased the cute dork one you met almost two years ago. You could still remember that night, when you snuck out to find the source of the unfamiliar human smell you had sensed and, then, you found those two boys, who were Scott and Stiles, as you would later find out, examining your backyard,  so deep within their investigation that they did not even realised you were there.

You could not help but let a small giggle slip, recalling their stumped faces when you cleared your throat and draw their attention to you. Definitely priceless the way they got scared once Derek stormed at yard, angry as hell because he thought you were under some sort of risk.

“Do tell me what is so amusing.” His hands were lazily massaging your waist, which induced a low moan to escape. “Come on, babe.”

“It’s nothing, really. I was thinking about how much you have grown.”

“Am I really hearing a compliment from you, Mrs. Hale?”

“Definitely, Mr. Stilinski!”

Both of your faces were enlightened with bright smiles, enjoying the purity of that moment. Stiles stroke your cheek, his eyesight meeting yours with such deep feelings, and, afterwards, he pulled you to another breathtaking kiss. So bloody intoxicating that your awareness was compromised, therefore not allowing you to hear a car parking outside.

Derek Hale decided to make you, his beloved daughter, a surprise by returning earlier, bringing as a gift the charm bracelet you wanted, one you bugged him about it for weeks. However, the minute he stepped in on the kitchen, everything else seemed pointless. Stiles Stilinski had his dirty hands on you and that angered him in ways no one could describe.

“What the hell is happening here?”

Upon hearing your father’s deep voice, your boyfriend pushed you off and choked on a breath, as if he was caught stealing or something. His reaction made you realise how much you hated the way Derek treated you, like he needed to be your saviour and never let anyone come too close, otherwise it could lead to you dying horribly. Urgh, this whole scenario was simply annoying and brought up the urge to remind him, despite the fact he was your dad, he could not control your life like that.  

Straightening it out your back, you finally turned to the angry man.

“I’m waiting for an answer.”

“Dad, this is not what you are thinking.” It was a lame excuse, sure, but nothing better came up at the moment. “Me and Stiles, we were just…”

“Hooking up? No strings attached?” The man queried, eyes widened and inflated nostrils. “Like you teens do it these days?”

“I-I, no… It’s nothing like that, I promise. I just…” Stiles tried to explain, babbling and making absolutly no sense.

“Shut up, Stilinski!” Derek roared and, if you were not standing in between them, he would have punched the pale boy right in the nose. “Y/N, why haven’t you told me?”

“Do I really have to say it?” You intertwined your fingers with Stiles’, trying to ease his anxiousness. “Look, we have been dating for awhile now and I couldn’t bring myself to tell you, for I knew how you would react.”

The raven haired guy let his shoulders fall and glanced at you ashamed, while you allowed your head to rest against your boyfriend’s chest, receiving a tender stroke in your hair. It felt relieving to see him rethink his own actions and even more that, from now on, you no longer had to hide your relationship from him.

“So, can we talk like grown ups now, dad?”

A short while later, after a little bickering, since your father disliked the fact you had been going out with Stiles for at least six months and never told him, he apologised for his rough  attitude. Also, he used that to invite the boy to stay over for a meal. Derek argued he wanted to do things right and nothing sounded better than a family dinner. With everything settled, the older Hale went off to start cooking.

“See, it was not that bad.”

“What?” Stilinski flinched. “He nearly killed me, Y/N/N.”

“Oh, my poor baby.” You stood on your knees, leaning to whisper provocatively on his ear. “What can I do to make it up for you?”

His usual mischievous smirk appeared and he wrapped his arms around your waist, connecting your lips. It was a short kiss due to your father’s presence in the next room, but hot enough to increase the wetness on your panties. You wanted to make Stiles pay for teasing you so much. Matter fact, you already had a few ideas cooking on your mind and you were just waiting the perfect timing to execute them.

Forty minutes had passed when your dad called both of you to take sits on the large table at the dining room. The food smelt delicious, he had made one of your favourite dishes: grilled chicken breast, a tomato and lettuce salad and mashed potatoes. It was nothing fancy, yet, all perfect in your eyes, for you had the company of the two men you loved more than anything in this world.

“This is delicious!” You exclaimed, humming in pleasure.

“I have to agree.”

“I’m happy you enjoyed, kids.”

“Oh, damn it, dad, quit calling us kids. You’re not that old.”

Derek laughed and you joined him, whilst Stiles only smirked. As the conversation kept going, you noticed your boyfriend was definitely not paying attention to it, which gave you the opening to put your plans into practice. Stealthily, one of your hands trailed up his thigh, getting dangerously close to his crotch. Under such feeling, he quickly stopped breathing, nearly choking.

“Are you alright?” Derek quizzed. “Do you want some water?”

“No! I’m… fine.” He was fighting to not gasp and you gazed at him innocently.“It was nothing.”

You popped open his pants and your fingers played with the waistband of his underwear, already feeling his length harden underneath your indirect touch. Stilinski clenched his jaw and tried swallow his food, struggling to remain quiet. It would turn out to be a rather complicated task, since you were determined to taunt the hell out of him.

Derek was mumbling some unimportant stuff, to which you only hummed, pretending that you were listening. Under the table, you pushed down Stiles’ briefs, grasping his cock with your bare hands and slowly pressing its tip with your thumb. He was so fucking warm and hard, you could feel the wetness pooling in centre of your legs. Definitely not fair that even when you were the one provoking him, he still turned you on.

Your boyfriend glanced at you, his brown eyes dark and filled with lust. So fucking sexy and, to make it even worse, he placed one of his large hands above yours, forcing it to slide up and down on his member. This time, you were the one who had to suppress a loud sigh. Luckily, Hale did not even notice what was going on and it was better that way.

“OK, who’s ready for dessert?” Your father suddenly asked, standing up and collecting the dirty dishes, that, by the way, were already empty. You two did a pretty amazing job on eating single handed. It was a gift.

With a charming grin, you nodded effusively and informed him that there was some ice cream left in the freezer. Soon enough, he had abandoned the room and you were all alone again, which was perfect timing, because you could feel that Stiles was very close to his release by the way he suckled harshly to obtain air. His chest rising and falling rapidly.

“Fuck, Y/N!” Your boyfriend muttered, screwing his eyes shut, and you felt his cum drip down your hand. “Now, can you explain to me why the hell did you want me to embarrass myself in front of your father?”

You ignored his query, licking your fingers clean from his orgasm instead, causing Stiles to stare at you mesmerised. Well, at least you reached your goal: leave him wanting more. Just like he did with you every single time.

“Did you like it?” It was an unexpected reply. “Because I did…”

“Oh, God damn it, Y/N. Stop teasing me!” He begged. “I’ll have to punish you later.”

“Dad!” You screamed, out of the blue. “Forget dessert, I’m going out with Stiles. We need to figure out some stuff with Scott.” “Will you be back late?”

“Nah, I’ll be home by eleven.”

“Fine.”

At the door, checking to see if he was still not looking, you stripped off your knickers and handed them to the brown haired boy next to you. Stilinski quirked a brow, his traits showing he was a bit confused by that particular action.

“Oh, darling, I’m just saying I’m looking forward to being punished by you.”

Stiles grinned, maliciously, dragging you towards his jeep. It was going to be one hell of an intense night, the kind only him could provide to you. And, heck, you were dying to get that started.

[terryblount]

Below – Review

It seems our industry is going through a phase lately where gamers really place value on skill. New speedrunning videos flood my YouTube feed, 16-bit games are making a comeback, and esports champions are regarded as gods in some circles. Then there is also the surge of new rogue-lites on Steam to consider.

It is in this latter category that the latest release by Capybara Games, named Below, wants to make its mark. On paper, Below has the makings of a classic, bona fide rogue-lite. It features uncomplicated yet challenging gameplay, a robust crafting and combat system, and, of course, the infamous ‘permadeath’ (dying marks the end of your progress).

In other words, the game could have been endlessly rewarding to observant and cautious players, and relentlessly punishing to reckless ones. Yet, after repeatedly making my way through the labyrinthine caverns that make up Below’s setting, I found myself reluctantly admitting that I was not having fun.

Can you spot the character? I swear I did not use Ancel to zoom out

Instead of coaxing me into that ‘just one more time’ stupor that is the privilege of this genre, the overall experience just made me yearn to put my controller down. The gameplay is fun, the aesthetics are brilliant, and the world begs to be explored. However, the game’s slow pacing combined with repetitive gameplay inevitably spilled over into monotony.

Stories around the campfire

From the opening mini-cinematic, Below shows that it embraces minimalism. The story, the environments, and the audio-visual style only reveal what is absolutely necessary, which means that it is up to the player to figure things out. It is actually a very effective way of getting your imagination deeply involved in the gameplay.

As a result, Below manages to be every bit as immersive as games that are far more elaborate in their execution. The game slowly opens with what at first glance appears to be a vast, starry sky until I realized that I was actually looking at an ocean. Once the camera started its slow, downward zoom, the white dot in the middle of the screen turned out to be a tiny ship sailing across the stormy waters. It was heading for an ominous-looking island.

The tiny ship eventually reached the shoreline, and an equally small figure with a sword and shield disembarked, waiting for me to take control. I guess I am a knight then? It is hard to tell because the game’s isometrically-angled camera is placed at a considerable distance. Even playing on a 30 inch screen (with my glasses on), I struggled to make out exactly what I am.

Furthermore, the game doesn’t provide an objective, dialogue or button prompts, and pulling up the ‘map’ button just displays a little circle attached to two lines. Throwing caution to the wind, I set off anyway and eventually reached a dead camp fire. Can I light it? Yes, and activating the blazing hearth opens two symbols.

Lighting the camp fire on the shore

One symbol is inactive for now, while the other opens an inventory of sorts with blank slots. Aha! I think I just found what must be my crafting roster. After leaving the fire I did indeed discover various foodstuffs, minerals and pieces of wood that can be combined into things like arrows, powders, or even caltrops.

I also stumbled upon other menus where I can swap between secondary weapons like a hammer or a bow, and another menu which indicates what keys or armor I am carrying. More exploring also yielded a lantern which uses little diamond shaped shards as fuel. When its beam is concentrated, the lantern can even open magical, rune-covered doors.

Let there be light – opening a door with the lantern.

So far, so good. The exploration was clearly rewarding, and the controls are snappy and intuitive. I think I am now ready to proceed through the huge door I just opened with my lantern to where the real game begins. What happens on the shore of the island is basically just to prepare the player for the depths that are to come.

Into the abyss

Whereas the island’s surface hosts a busy, hectic atmosphere that just makes you want to take cover, the underground, where 95% of the game takes place, is wholly different.  Down here, the game adopts a dark, quiet and foreboding tone. Exploring on land was nothing compared to how vulnerable and isolated I suddenly felt.

Perhaps my map now has an objective? Nope, but at least I know the circle or square represents a room, and the lines signify the routes connected to it. Saving my lantern for later, I pull out a torch and begin to wade cautiously through the foggy darkness. I appear to be in a cavern of some sort since I hear echoing drops of water trickling in the dark.

Never mind finding your way, where the hell is the character!?

When I saw the dark, shadowy figure scuttle toward me, I realized I was about to experience the game’s combat. It moves too fast to make out what is on the attack, but my sword is ready. I block with my shield and slash at the shadowy foe. It proves no match for my little explorer, and I stash away the lantern shard that the creature drops after it dies.

After searching the whole area, I proceed to the next, randomly-generated room to find more enemies for the picking, along with more loot to gather. I also make short work of this lot since I am really getting the hang of the engaging combat mechanics. Before I know it, a number 2 slowly appears at the top of the screen to inform me I have descended to the second level. Nice.

Sadly, the spell would be broken around level 3. Here I faced slightly larger versions of the shadow creatures, but using my explosive arrows ensured that they met the same fate as their lesser counterparts. It was also at this point that I began to hear a resonating bass note for the first time, and two symbols resembling a stomach and a drop of water pulsed in the upper corner of the screen.

Guess that means I am hungry and thirsty. No problem, since I have a steak stashed away, and there happens to be a drinking puddle to my left. After gaining some sustenance, I noticed a weird rock jutting out the ground and decided to inspect it. I got close… and WHAM!! I got killed instantly by what now revealed itself as a spike trap.

Don’t worry. This is a part of the level. I did not die this many times!

I was still sitting with my mouth agape when the next ship was already en route to the island. Only this time, the ruins of the ship on my first try was lying in the shallows, and the knight/hero looks a little different. I later found out I could even get most of my stuff from the corpse off the guy I just strolled face first into the spikes.

Hey, this is a rogue-lite. You have to ‘git gud.’ I said a word that starts with ‘f’ and rhymes with ‘luck’, and started over.

 Enjoy it while it lasts

It was round about here that I already started liking Below a bit less. It took quite some time to reach the spikes bit since this game’s style really encourages the player to explore and take their time. However, to do ALL of this again (especially without any immediate sense of danger) brought on the first feelings of boredom.

Now factor in how long it takes to get to, say, level 16 only to die of another inconspicuously placed trap and you can imagine why I said enough is enough. By the umpteenth time you pull up on that shore, it will become incrementally difficult to stay excited and engaged in the gameplay.

At least the repetitiveness is mitigated somewhat by ‘The Pocket’ which is an area accessible through a portal activated at the little camp fires. It acts like a bank in which you can permanently stash any kind of supply and it remains untouched upon your death.

You can also toss 25 gems into said camp fire turning the flames blue on the later levels. This then acts as a shortcut, so when your new little wanderer pulls up on shore, they can fast travel to this point and thus cutting out quite a bit of the (re)grind.

Most unfortunately, the developers thought it wise to only allow this once. If you happen to die after teleporting through the flames (without making a new shortcut), then you lose the checkpoint. This means you are stuck right at the beginning of the game with no supplies or gems, and your previous wanderer’s corpse might be 10 floors down along with the lantern.

See the little white skeleton? That was my previous attempt

Also, as a teenager my mother used to accuse me of eating her out of the house, but this little fellow would put even my pubescent metabolism to shame. I often lost substantial progress not due to deadly traps or enemies, but starvation. One of the most frequent sounds the player will hear is that ominous bass tone signifying thirst or that their tummy is rumbling.

Perhaps you are playing as a hobbit, which would explain why the character is so small and constantly getting peckish. Either way, if the player is caught without food, the only way to avoid death by lack of num-num is by means of tedious backtracking looking for mice, bats and snakes to kill. Is this anyone’s idea of a thrilling quest?

Sad but true

I can only tell myself so many times that this game is a rogue-lite and that I should learn from my mistakes. A game with a more laid-back pacing and insta-kill traps is simply not built for this kind of repetition. There are far better methods of creating a sense of challenge or danger that do not rely upon excessive farming for supplies, or replaying large portions of the levels.

What makes the state of Below so tragic is that it has such solid gameplay and aesthetics. Yes, you might be viewing the action from afar, but the withdrawn perspective of the camera really creates a sense that you are this tiny, exposed figure in an enormous space.

For the same reason, Below also boasts exquisite sound design. The deep, guttural background effect combined with realistic reverberation enhances a sense of depth for the in-game environments. The experience is a testimony to the fact that immersion is a product of atmosphere, and not necessarily the GPU-heavy special effects that AAA games so eagerly use.

Made it to the next level… again

I suspect that the developers wanted to combine the resource gathering of a survival game with the combat mechanics of a rogue-lite. As such, their game never really commits to either genre, and I feel like they have produced a game that has something of an identity crisis. What they have come up with feels too much like a house of cards – the whole structure just ends up crashing down due to a few small but crucial issues with the cards at the foundations.

I really hate to say this, especially since Below is an indie game, but I cannot recommend this one. The developers have stepped into the rookie trap of confusing the line between ‘challenging’ and ‘unfairly hard,’ which seems to happen one too many times nowadays. When placed next to other, more refined attempts with similar ambitions, Below just cannot hold up.

Great visual design

Enthralling audio design

Level design

Exploration

Pacing too slow

Single use shortcuts

Instant death traps

Periodic crashes

Survival mechanics

Lantern retrieval

Playtime: 37 hours total. To complete all 20 levels of the game

Computer Specs: Windows 10 64-bit computer using GTX 1070, i5 4690K, 16GB RAM – Played with Xbox One Controller

Below – Review published first on https://touchgen.tumblr.com/

[riotbrowngrrrl]

Experiences that Stretch Boundaries and Open Possibilities

The other day, my friend Antoinette and I entered our utmost delight with choclos, which are roasted corn in the cobs dressed in shredded cheese glued together with mayonnaise. The shop is a woman-run restaurant that specializes and only offers the best empanadas in all of Ecuador. She has grown to be a very familial, comfortable part of my routine in Ecuador. I get to be embraced with her warm-hearted and comforting smile every week. “Vienen con choclos!” She cried smilingly.

“Claro!” I giggled. At that moment, I swear to God, I felt like a kid in her favorite place with a lollipop. We ordered our empanadas de morocho and proceeded to find a seat in the all-too-familiar restaurant that I’ve brought todo el mundo to, including one day when I requesting to have a 1-1 Spanish class there. This is all thanks to my host mom in Quito, who was like, “What have you even been doing in Ibarra if you don’t go to this restaurant???” when she realized I was not aware of this wonderful delicacy despite just being across the street from it every week.

–

There’s so much joy here, but that’s not necessarily what’s new to me—it’s the joy without the paranoia and seemingly endless exhaustion that came hand in hand for me before. Exhaustion of waking up before the sun rises, commuting for an hour, enduring hours of being talked at—struggling to stay awake, going to work and juggling complicated, sometimes non-communicative, sometimes fulfilling, sometimes exasperating, hopeless relationships, commuting for another hour, coming home and studying and doing homework for as long as I can keep my eyes open, catching a couple of hours of sleep and repeat.

Exhaustion of always having to play an expected role. Here, nobody tells me I cannot wear this because it’ll be too obvious that I am a woman with boobs or because too much of my skin is exposed to the thirst of men. Nobody tells me I cannot go to a late night concert because I am a girl or I cannot have sex or flirt with boys or like girls because that’s inappropriate and I should be a proper, decent Muslim girl. Nobody tells me how to live, or rather not to live. Here, I can live. I can just be. I don’t have a role to play here. I don’t have expectations to be a good student or a good Muslim or a good role model, here, I just am and that’s enough. Before, I have always had to perform—or pretend to perform to please the people who believe that’s the only way the world can go round: with people performing. I don’t know if that belief doesn’t exist here or it just doesn’t apply to me because I’m an extranjera or I decided it did not apply to me here, but whatever it is—I do not perform here and from that liberation is where my joy stems from. Here, I decided I am free and do not accept the things that would suggest otherwise, because I have little hope that I will enjoy such liberation when my feet touch the ground of the rushed, grey city I know as home.

Perhaps it is this hopeless pessimism that things will remain exactly the same despite my life taking a sharp turn and pushing what I thought I knew of the world and life beyond its previous boundaries that is compelling me to find another escape as soon as I return. Or maybe, it is this newfound thirst to continue to know life differently than I have known for the past 18 years with the exception of the past few months. Truthfully, I cannot deny that at some level—I want to continue escaping the life I knew back home. I have become infatuated with not living each day struggling superficially, but rather struggling to learn and grow and become even more curious of the things around me. At home I struggled with people’s expectations, here, I struggle with what I thought I knew of the world and what’s possible. Such struggles are so much more fulfilling to overcome; it’s not an endless cycle but something I can build on. Is my pessimism well-founded, or is it just that? Pessimism? Perhaps life will be different when I return and I won’t really know until I live it full of heart and soul and trust. Perhaps. Vamos a ver.

My mom and younger brother and sister are coming to spend time with me here in Ecuador. I cannot wait to show them my world here and for us to spend time together. My family has never once since my parents’ divorce more than a decade ago and the economic fallout that followed after been on vacation. We don’t go to parties. Eid celebrations, that are the only two celebrations in the Islamic calendar, compose of going to the masjid for prayer and then sleeping at home after eating my mom’s Eid meal and deserts. Thus, I don’t know what to expect out of this trip and so naturally I am filled with excitement and nervousness. We will be spending time together just to be spending time together, experiencing traveling together—something we’ve never done before, but maybe the same authoritative, not-to-be-disputed expectations that I always nonetheless try to exhaustingly dispute will come with being with my mom again. I love my mom—my heart both fills and breaks simultaneously for her. Not so long ago she told me, “Too much fun is not good.” This comes from someone who’s life consists of waking up, getting her children off to school, working, coming home and then doing some more of taking care of children, and repeat 24/7. Never once have I seen my mom take a break. She doesn’t go out with friends and the only time she participates in any form of amusement, it is for her children. She believes that those who suffer in this world will find heaven in the hereafter. That those who find pleasure in this world are denied entrance to heaven and people must endure life and trust that their pleasure is waiting for them after death. For me, as someone who isn’t sure about the existence of anything after death, this is a true tragedy because if there’s anyone in this world more deserving of perfect joy, it is my mother

I know she loves me and wants the best for me, it is just difficult for me to reconcile with her when we have such different views of the world and life due to structurally different perspectives: hers being religiously- and economically-driven and mine being secularly- and liberation-driven. This fight—regarding my life choices and desires: wearing low-cut shirts instead of scarves or traveling instead of staying home or being a community organizer instead of a doctor—has lasted years and its a fight I’ve partially given up on and partially continue hoping that she will eventually understand.

 Being in Ecuador has provided me with a much-needed break from all of that but despite this I desperately miss my family, friends, and co-liberation workers back home and so life goes on with dialectics.

As I get closer to my plane ticket back to the United States, Ecuador feels more and more like a home and it is as if the sooner I have to go, the more I am finding possibilities for me to learn and grow. The first person I saw as I was entering my house, after coming back from a few days in Ecuador’s jungle, was my 10-year old host sister, Sisa, and so I said, “Te extraño!” and she jumped into my arms crying incredibly sweetly, “Yo tambien!”

Another day, just when I was climbing my way home from the city I saw Luna, our dog, looking towards my direction waiting a few feet below our house. When she caught sight of me she immediately got up, wagging her tail, and within a blink of an eye had her paws on me, tongue stuck out, eyes begging to be adored—so I obliged, because she was waiting for me to come home.

Another time, when I returned home after a few days away, I bumped into my host mom and younger sister and proceeded to give them both hugs, as I have not seen them in quite some time. However, as we began to embrace each other—Luna also came up behind my host sister, placing two of her paws around our group, joining the embrace as well.

I never expected to feel at home or as part of a family. My family has hosted many people before me, so they’ve grown accustomed to people coming and going. With so many people passing through, it’s hard forming strong emotional bonds when you know they, in just a matter of time, will board a plane going back to their old life. But sometime between September and now, things have become to feel more comfortable and familiar, and I’ve been feeling like I am really a part of something. It took some time for me to feel this way but amongst all of the chaos, havoc, and violence around the world–and particularly back home, I’m in awe that in a world with such evil and selfishness, at the same time, can be a world with people so generous, so willing to share their lives and affections. Although my host family and I come from such different backgrounds, it only took dinner table conversations and time together, when we learned about what we each care about and what makes each of us laugh, to form the caring relationship we do have.

I remember being completely fulfilled as I was picking avocados with my host mom in our backyard. Well, she would do the picking while I helped identify the avocados from the leaves and catch them as she’d release them. I balanced the caught avocados on tree branches to create a mirage of avocados and demonstrated my colección to my host dad when he inquired whether I was picking nature’s butter. My host mom, however, was quick to out me on my inability to coher avocados.

My host mom, Dolores Mami, is one of the most intelligent, delightful, hard-working person I’ve had the pleasure of knowing. Whenever I ask where my dried clothes are, she never fails to respond with, “Se robó!” and then proceed to hysterically laugh as if it’s the most hilarious thing ever.

Growing up, she did not speak any Spanish. But over the past decade or so, as volunteers would come and go year by year, she’d learn the language with her interactions with them. Now, she’s fluent.

Moreover, my host dad, Sebas Papi is one of the most charismatic, social, amiable person you could meet. He literally knows everyone. When I told him I was going to a workshop with a lineup of influential indigenous people in the region he literally was like, “Nosotros somos amigos!” and made me promise that I would mention him to them.

I’ve never had an apparent, obvious father figure in my life. Sure, I had people who I looked up to in a similar way, but they were my teachers or my mentors, not actually my father. Here, I explicitly have a father figure. I remember, in the beginning, trying to find any possible fault I could because my experience with my own father and the experiences my friends have with their fathers were not necessarily positive, healthy, or supportive relationships. So, of course Sebas Papi would be the same. How can I expect anything more? God, was I wrong. For the first time in 18 years, I have a father who truly cares about me and is truly supportive of me. He cares for his daughters and wants the best for them. For my younger, 10-year old sister he wants her to finish university and be fluent in English so she can have the world of opportunities he did not get. Hearing that, well, it was never anything I’ve ever had and so, for me, I was so incredibly happy for my host sisters who are so lucky to have Sebas Papi as their father and it made me feel really special that I get to know someone like him and his relationships with his daughters.

I also feel special to know my host niece–Suri. If there’s one thing I know I want to be since I’ve come here it’s to be someone with as much soul as Suri. Suri is 4 and has as much affection as sass and it is such a heart-warming, delightful mix.

One evening I asked, “Que te gustas mas? Hablando en Español o en Kichwa o los dos?”

“Los dos.”

Her dad responds, “Pero que sobre Inglés?”

Suri cries, “Ella dijo Español o Kichwa, no Inglés! Escucha! Tú no escuchas!”

I burst into laughter and so does my host dad, but she goes on continuing to scold her dad about how he should try listening more.

I love Suri. I love how much soul she has and I love her tight hugs. I love how she embraces being Suri with open arms, not afraid to be loud or funny or to flirt. I’m sad that I won’t be able to see her grow and that if I come back a few years later she probably won’t remember me as much as how I will always know how much she’s moved me.

I’ve been consistently struck by the people I’ve met here. When I went to the Amazon, I was really moved by the people I came across. The family that hosted us had so much soul. They are developing an eco-tourism site in the cusp of the Amazon rainforest in hopes of preserving not only the diversity of the forest but also their own indigenous Kichwa culture. Each of my interactions with the members of the family were bewildering. I cannot put my words into how I know when someone is full of soul, but that’s the only way I can describe how I felt in my interactions with the people I met there. They had access to and knowledge about a part of the world, I—and so many people I know, could never even grasp to understand. And yet, they were so welcoming and eager to show us a part of their world despite our clumsy falls and inability to do basic things—like lighting a goddamn cooking fire. I was touched by the amount of knowledge they had—from the boy who was about the same age as my younger 12-year old brother to his parents who were responsible for founding the project—and their passion for preserving their home and culture and their humble generosity in being so completely and exceedingly hospitable towards us. Throughout the trip, I was overcome with an incredibly warm feeling.

Now that I only have a month left in my community, I’m constantly thinking about how much I’ve gotten used to things here that were downright absurd to me when I first arrived, and the things I’m going to miss here. My community is not a stranger to noise pollution despite it being el campo. Last night, for instance, my community had music blasting throughout the night robbing everyone of their sleep so that everyone knew that we won a futbol game. But loud music isn’t only on special occasions but a daily routine. Every morning at around 6, my host uncle and aunt never forget to put the music on full blast to wake themselves up for a long day—and the rest of the community as well. It’s a collective alarm clock. Nevertheless, I never cease to futilely attempt to put myself back to sleep until I eventually give up. Everyday. There’s also the potato and gas trucks that play each of their own tunes, while the potato truck adds, “bueno papas” to its tunes for individuality.

All jokes aside, I’m going to miss being so close to the sky that I really do feel like I can touch the poofy, big, angelically white clouds. Here, when we are lucky with a clear sky in the evening, we are graced by a blanket of stars and the magnificently black, deep silhouette of the Imbabura volcano complimented by the glistening 45 meters deep San Pablo lake. It’s a truly breathtaking view—nothing like I’ve ever seen before. And it’s something I get to see on a regular basis—well that is, until April. Going back to a crowded, large but cramped city like New York will be so odd after living with so much space—two houses, a balcony, fields upon fields beyond what the eye can see.

I’m going to miss the people here. I am going to miss the community here—a community that is so invested in each other’s success. Here, the Kichwa indigenous communities have a tradition of doing “mingas,” which is when a community comes together to collaborate in finishing a task or a community project. This can be anything from harvesting plants to building a community space or even helping out a neighbor in their construction of a new house. Coming from an individualistic “everyone for themselves” culture in the States, it’s really refreshing to be in a type of community that will support and contribute in support of each other and the collective whole.

Being here—has opened my eyes to new possibilities, not only for my life but also for another world. Before, I would never imagine my life outside the city I’ve grown up in. It was just so easy to limit myself to what I know, it was harder to take a chance and look beyond, but I feel like I can do that more easily now given this experience. A working-class, single-parent household, Muslim city girl living in a Kichwa- and Spanish-speaking Andean indigenous community with an indigenous family in rural el campo opens up possibilities of the world we can live in. Imagine if everyone can live lives that are radically different from what they’ve grown up in, with people that are so radically different from them. What kind of a world would we be able to live in? If communities can develop a system without dependency on the state to build schools, an economy, educational spaces, and lives collectively—then why can’t others? Imagine a world in which people collectively are invested in the success of each other and the whole. What kind of a world would we be able to live in?

I’m so enormously grateful for this experience—to just learn. Constantly. Not having any other expectation for myself except to learn. It provides me with the perspective that experiences can be so different between traveling and going to another country to live there. Living in another country or in a place that is very different from what you may be accustomed to allows for learning lessons that are truly unparalleled.