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#this new job has exhausted me
madeintheniamh · 11 months
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shit totally forgot to post the next one shot I’m literally posting it rn!!! just finding the cover photo for it xx
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bigmammallama5 · 5 months
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Speaking of a previous fandom post I just shared: I have Not stepped away from fandom this fall, I’m just dealing with some health stuff and I’ve been pretty short on the energy I usually have. I’m doing okay and should be all the way better soon! But energy has been going to real job and pottery (which is also real gig job with taxable $ involved but pottery is the art form I have consistently fallen back on for comfort the past decade). I still have so much interest in unfinished fics and art I hope to return to in the new year. And I’m still hoping to noodle out some drawpiles with @sango-blep as my body and energy level allow. But yeah, still here just working to keep my nose above the water.
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fumifooms · 15 days
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Heyoooo. I wanted to say, I'm sorry about that mean-ass, insulting anon you got a while back. That ask ended up pissing me off so bad I ended up actually reading your Marchil analysis posts. Originally, I was meh and kinda confused when the ship showed up in Ao3 because I didn't see what people liked about it. Reading your posts about how they were narrative foils opened my mind more, and I realized, Oh shit yeah there's a lot of potential in this ship for how these two can develop each other.
Part 2: Marcille and Chilchuck may not have scenes like the infamous bath scene with Farlin, but the concept of someone who's terrified of being alone, the reality of her friends' mortality, a hopeless romantic catching feelings for a repressed, divorced man whose wife left him--okay yeah, I absolutely understand the appeal of this ship. Marcille would be like, Why the fuck is my heart thrumming for this sharp-tongued bitch, and also the terror from falling in love with someone so short-lived Part 3: Either way, love your analysis posts. I am going to be contemplating the potential of Marcille and Chilchuck for a long while. There is something so tragically sweet about it
You get it, you really do… I could list off everything I love about them but I’d be here forever because it’s literally everything and there are so many fun ways to spin it… You’re very right about them being tragically sweet, overall where their arcs meet the most is "Loving is something worth doing even with the risk of loss", and I say risk but really it’s more the inevitable eventuality of it as canon does love to point out. If you want the reward of being loved you must go through the mortifying ordeal of being known. No love however brief is wasted. Let me see you and stay. It’s very much sort of the final boss to their arcs for them to get invested in each other in such a way, to get involved romantically— emotionally with someone knowing what’s coming and that she barely has two decades left with him (who mistreats his health so much he very well could die early), and to shoot your shot for something new with hope in your heart and enough confidence that you’re worth loving. He’s not a prince charming but to her he sort of is, all virtuous husband this reliable dependable Chilchuck that, all "you may be flawed but I’ll still romanticize your qualities and convince you that you and your love for your beloved are something worth fighting for".
What if I was old bread that solidified to be hard as rock and you were like warm soup and by soaking in your presence I softened……… What if you stubbornly grew on me like yeast and it brought out my flavor like beer as I opened up and allowed you in………. What if your hair was golden, the epitome of beauty to me, and my hair turned silver, your worst nightmare……. I think about them a normal amount
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there are doctors there are hospitals there are specialists there is medicine there are systems in place so people do not have to suffer and be tortured under their own chronic pain daily and yet. they're all fucking inaccessible to the people who need it most!!! to what I would argue is most disabled people!! I'm so fucking done with the medical system.
#today is an absolutely wretched pain day that makes me want to not be here anymore but guess what!#wasted a whole year trying to convince my doctors I was in significant and disableing pain daily and the best they could do#is tell me to go to PT and to wait 6 months and tell them if it gets better#to prescribe some shit like gabapentin or otc pain meds and write me off#tell me they'll get new X-rays to see if it got worse by the summer#disability exists!! specialists exist! good doctors fucking exist!! somewhere!!! I'm sure!!#but here I sit. in excruciating amounts of pain unable to convince any fucking doctors of anything#and that year I spent pushing myself to the limit is wasted bc at the very end of it all only one guy listened to me#and he said no one in their giant ass facility could diagnose me#so I'm back to square one bc I got a new job which means new insurance and new doctors to try and convince again#I just want to be on disability so i can want to be alive again#I'm so frustrated and in pain constantly#what are people like me who have to work 40hrs to afford to live but don't have any family to rely on supposed to do??#just die? am i supposed to continue to work until im too disabled to move and be profitable unless i get lucky?#bc some fucking doctor finally decides to actually listen???#ive tried ALL THE DAMN TRICKS TOO. telling them a friend has it and thats how i found out. that my previous doctor was looking into it#etc etc#I'm SO done living like this i am exhausted.#and to know that i COULD BE HELPED. RIGHT NOW. is the worst fucking part#these systems are in place so people like me dont have to fucking suffer.#but i cant even do anything about it bc i have a cat.
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skiitter · 9 months
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no one talk to me i've been reading destiel fics for four straight days and i don't have a single compelling reason as to why.
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rattycattyfanfic · 2 months
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applying for new jobs is so emotionally fraught ha ha it's either depressing more of the same or worse, or oh cool exciting job that will inevitably disappoint me when i hear nothing back!
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kozidraws · 7 months
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lhazar · 8 days
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I’m gunna do it. I WILL update No Rain Without Thunder this weekend if it KILLS ME
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studiousbotanist · 9 months
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#does a bear blog in the woods#just phantom period stuff fuckingbw my brain chem i think is whats going on this week !#i knew the new tfb would rip emotions outta me but im messed uppppp .#ive been single the longest ive been in a Long Time now ...#theres good and bad . theres so much cooking in my head from these few months#dealint with grief . bad job . good job now#and still working on getting my life and health togethwr#and im really trying to craft and make shit again . its So necessary for your soul and ive been neglecting#tabletop has helped so much and roleplay will too qhen i get into it#in the mean time though . im LONELY !! im in a mood where being by myself is Torrrtureeee . butnive also been overstimmed !#i was very somber earlier cuz i jusf did Not have rhe energy to be up and do shit ..wjich is why i called out#but was just thinking the thing i miss most abt a relationship is always having some1 to hang out w or be around#especially physical side cause i am very physically affectionate !!! and tryin to get back to it .#its been hard cus of well ...trauma and also the pandemic . overthinking . itd help if i cried i think#i coulsve put this all ina read more ..too late now LOL !#i just want to word vomit . been stuck in a bad nasty rude to myself feedback loop abt NOT venting and NEEDING to reach out directly#but good gd its difficult when we are All exhausted . and when i judt Need the vocal speak vs typing#if u read all this mess thank you LOL . ill be okay . ive got to let myself feel this
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theygender · 9 months
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*checking the tracking information for my package from under a pile of overpriced teas and vitamins* this next herbal supplement will fix me
#g o d what is up with my brain thats been making everything so hard recently#like. im in a job that im MUCH happier with now and loving it. im no longer living a waking trauma nightmare as a call center sup#...why is my brain acting like im forcing it on a trek through fucking mordor just trying to get through a normal day at work#im on break from school. why am i not able to do any of the things that i wanted to do during the semester but was too busy for#why am i not able to do anything that i want to do and if i DO manage to do it why am i not able to enjoy it#why am i living like every moment of my life in fear that im wasting my time or doing something wrong or not good enough#and like i KNOW the answers are adhd and depression and anxiety#but my buddy. my pal. @ the wrinkly fleshy thing in my skull#im on 6 different psychiatric medications with a total of up to 11 individual pills per day. im actively in therapy and have been for years#and my life is currently much better than it maybe has ever been! WHY am i still struggling so hard 😭#like i know recovery isnt a straight line and etc etc but like. it just feels like im doing everything im 'supposed' to do so what gives#so. gonna start drinking more plants i guess and see if that helps. im already on some that seem to help but i think i need more now#bc im having a bad time in my brain prison tbh :(#im not even like upset typing all this out either im just like. bewildered. incredulous. exhausted#lets hope this new overpriced tea fixes me i guess#rambling
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jeanmoreaux · 3 months
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wait you have a masters in psych?….. tell me more
i do!! finished my degree last semester! idk what more to tell you jfjdjdjdj errrrr i specialised in neuropsychology BUT also dabbled in other stuff like clinical psychology & some organisational psychology. rn i am trying to figure out my next steps. there are so many options that interest me; i’d love to go into teaching (and maybe doing a second master’s degree) but i can also see myself doing a master of advanced studies or maaaybe a doctorate (most unrealistic option tho). even changing fields is in the cards. idk idk even with a degree i am STILL just kind of trying to figure out what comes next for me it literally never stops djjdjdjdjdj
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real-life-cloud · 5 months
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:) 🧡
#the sky speaks#hiii i felt like rambling#im so busy lately!! retail job is exhausting and im working with my mom twice a week again#went to a yoga class with her on Sunday that was fun!! hard tho#and AUGGH. Christmas presents.........#i need to draw print and frame 2 pieces#make a blanket#and then when my mom isnt looking i need to organize her recipes. type them all up and print them out and find a like#pretty photo album type thing to put them in i think#i just bough stuff for my dad bc im making too much 😞#and i hav other atuff i need to do too#i need to take lucy to the vet. i need to help my mom finish painting the kitchen.#i need to clean out my garden bc i never got to it in the fall. i need to text my friend and plan a gift exchange probably after new years#and FUCK. i need to get stuff for her cousin. i told them id get them a Christmas gift... but idk what theyd like ......#its their first Christmas too!!!!!!!! (theyre an adult but we were all raised in a cult and they only just got out. long story)#so i defo wanna get them smthn#im a little bummed tho bc my friend never texted me for my bday#shes super busy + has memory issues + is not used to celebrating bdays (aforementioned cult stuff) so like i get it but now i feel awkward#cause like im fonna remind her when i do text her and its gonna make her feel bad but like. there is no hiding it#hmm i also need to make Christmas cookies for family n neighbors#and ive always wanted to look into mailing cookies!! i wanna send my internet friends cookies.... but again im so busy idk if i can thisyear#maybe i could do belated Christmas cookies.. new years cookies#on a sadder note ive been feeling very gender (bad edition) lately. especially todya#so weird that my family still calls me by my full name most of the time. and introduces me that way#and at work everyone calls me layn :) which is nice. some of my coworkers r trans too !!#i think i wanna get a pronoun pin for my uniform#but idk part of me wants to always introduce myself as layn and another feels off or insincere in that want. bc ive been helayna for so long#its just second nature to introduce myself with my full name. its less want and more muscle memory#speaking of names. ive thought of adding a new name. tryin one out. its been stewing for a while but i like the name owen#im running out of tags now whoopsie.. but yea theres a little life update ty for reading 💞
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madd-nix · 6 months
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if y'all wanna know how i'm doing, i almost cried this morning when my sister left me some fries that she snagged from her fast food job for me last night
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dilfkuza · 6 months
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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 龍が如く | Ryuu ga Gotoku | Yakuza (Video Games) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Kiryu Kazuma/Majima Goro, Dojima Daigo/Shinada Tatsuo Characters: Kiryu Kazuma, Majima Goro, Goromi, Dojima Daigo, Shinada Tatsuo Additional Tags: Light-Hearted, Fluff, Flirting, Innuendo, Double Dating, Post-Ryuu ga Gotoku | Yakuza 5 (Video Game), Awkward Dates, KazuMaji Week 2023 Summary:
On a trip to Nagoya, Kiryu has to defend his title as the King of Karaoke. For his honour (making Goromi happy), and his pride (getting out of the world’s worst double date).
Kazumaji week Day 3: Karaoke Kings
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