#this took three hours to write lmfao

[elliesflower]

hii, i love your work so much <3 can u write smth about reader and abby (in a pre established relationship) where readers mind just goes completely blank as she stares at abbys arms when she works out or literally does anything and abby notices and fucks her hard and uses her strength to do whatever she wants with reader? would also be nice if u could write smth about overstimulation <3 i know its not a noticeable detail for this req but pls write black!reader bc i am too and need some abby for myself tysm 🫶

what you need [abby anderson]

pairing; abby x black fem!reader

cw; top!abby, bottom!reader, strap-on usage (r!recieving), overstimulation, dirty talk/gendered pet names, kinda leaning on bimbo/subspace territory

an; thank u so much for this request sweetheart! i hope u enjoy, please let me know what u think!! i'm sorry the ending is a little rushed, i've literally been trying to post this for like three weeks lmfao. also i did not proofread this v well so if u see a mistake no u dont <3

tags; @scandalcus @prrimordiais @roarriita

18+ only, mdni!!!!

you don’t consider yourself weak. 

but when you were looking at abby, perhaps you were. just a bit. 

“babe? the chalk,” abby’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts and you shook your head slightly, as if it would get rid of them, reaching behind you to grab the chalk before crossing the room to hand it to her. 

“thanks,” she didn’t even look at you, and you almost huffed. you’ve been with her at the gym for what feels like hours now, even though it’s probably only been more like thirty minutes. you started out just walking on the treadmill, but got bored pretty quickly when you realized you could be watching your girlfriend train instead. 

she was training for a pr on her deadlift, and she was getting close. you’d barely seen her this week—when she wasn’t on patrol, she was in the gym. you fell asleep before she got home almost every night, and when you woke up, she was already gone. it was driving you crazy, and now that you were together, she still was barely paying you any mind. 

she rubbed the chalk between her hands, clapping them out on her thighs before positioning herself behind the bar. you sat back down behind her and watched as she bent over, gripping the metal bar, her forearms flexing as she adjusted her grip. you practically had to wipe the drool away from your mouth as you watched her begin to lift, admiring the way her veins popped out from beneath her skin, her shoulders glistening with sweat as her muscles flexed with the effort it took to lift the weights. 

her brows were knit together in concentration as she watched herself in the mirror, gritting her teeth together and keeping her breath as controlled as possible. you couldn’t help but to feel flustered as she panted, imagining the sounds in a…much different context.

the sound of the weights clattering to the ground snapped you out of your head for a second time, and you flinched, watching as abby smiled at herself in the mirror, flexing and slapping her bicep. 

“yeah, that’s right,” she spoke, and oh, that sounded eerily similar to her bedroom voice, “that’s what i’m fucking talking about! did you see that shit?” she turned to face you now, still grinning from ear-to-ear. “beat my pr by forty pounds, i gotta get manny in here tomorrow to verify because that shit is going up on the board.”

you smiled up at her, nodding—but it was kind of hard when you were also focused on pressing your thighs together, trying to ignore the fact that somewhere along the line, your panties had become damp, sticking delicately to your folds as you watched abby training. her mouth twitched just slightly at the corner, and you swallowed. you knew abby could read you like the back of her hand, no matter how hard you tried to hide from her. 

“something wrong, baby?” she asked, feigning concern. her tank top was covered in sweat around the neckline, her forehead glistening under the fluorescents as she walked toward you. you shook your head, a bit too quickly, and it was telling. your throat felt dry, your brain absolutely scrambled as you looked up at her. she stopped directly in front of you, towering over you so that you had to strain your neck to look up at her. if there wasn’t a giant wall of windows to the left of you, you couldn’t be sure you wouldn’t just sink down to your knees and kiss her fucking feet. she looked like an angel—scratch that, god—above you as you watched her through your lashes, stomach tying in knots. 

she wasn’t saying anything. she was just looking at you, breathing heavy, with half of that stupid smile still on her face. you focused your own breathing, in and out, but it didn’t help that she was so close you could smell her, sweaty musk that could only smell good on her, and it was making you dizzy. and she fucking knew it too. 

“alright then,” she said finally, bending down to your level so that your faces were mere inches apart. “what d’you say we go clean up and meet jordan and leah for dinner?” oh, right. there was that. you could only nod, and abby’s eyes were wild, flickering down to your mouth before meeting yours again. 

“let’s go.” her voice was sharp, commanding, and she went to retrieve her gym bag. you sat silently for another moment, trying to will yourself to calm down, just a bit. you knew you’d get back to the room and she wouldn’t be able to resist—she’d have you pinned up against the wall before you could even blink. 

except, she didn’t. she tossed her bag to the ground and began gathering things for her shower, effectively ignoring, even as you changed out of your shirt extra slowly, just waiting for her to turn around and catch you. but she didn’t, and didn’t even say another word as she slipped out the door to take a shower. you scrunch your brows together, lips pouting slightly as you get dressed for dinner, making sure to put on a clean pair of underwear. you were so worked up, part of you wanted to touch yourself, right here and now—but you didn’t even want to think about how long abby might make you wait if she came back and found you knuckle deep in your pussy. so you didn’t.

dinner with leah and jordan was pleasant. leah’s cooking was insane, as always, and jordan and abby caught up on some big assignment that was coming up, still paying you little attention. after dinner, you were excited to get back to your room, practically salivating at the thought of what abby might do to you, but jordan just had to suggest watching a movie. and of course, abby just had to agree. 

you were a bit surprised when abby pulled you onto her lap on the couch, seeing as she had practically been avoiding you like the plague since the gym, and oh—she was packing.

leah rested her head on jordan’s lap on the loveseat beside you, their bodies conveniently angled just so that you were out of view. your eyes widened, breath hitching as abby snaked her arm around your waist, pulling you further back into her as she readjusted her position against the couch, effectively grinding her hips up into you. you bit your lip as you leaned back into her, glancing over at leah and jordan to confirm they couldn’t see you. she smelled like pine and her hair was down, fuck she looked so good with her hair down. 

“wassa’ matter babe?” abby whispered against your neck, and you shivered. “you’re so tense.” she punctuated her point with a hand on your shoulder, her thumb pressing into the junction of your neck. 

“nothing,” you lied, trying to keep your voice quiet and steady. “just watching the movie.” and thinking about abby flipping you over and railing you into next week. but you didn’t say that part. you didn’t even know what movie was playing. 

“mhm,” she murmured behind you, her hand trailing around your middle to meet her other, pressing you even further against her. you could feel her cock pressing into your ass, and you had to bite back a moan. you reached to grasp at her wrists, your fingers not even wrapping around the girth of them, trying to grind your hips for just a little bit of friction—anything, you’d take anything you could get at this point—but she only tightened her grip, halting your movements. 

“stop squirming,” she said quietly. “m’trying to watch the movie.” it was really unfair, how her voice was so steady, and her breathing so even. meanwhile, you thought you might explode, nails digging into her skin as you tried your best to ignore the heat in your stomach, and how you were definitely ruining this pair of panties as well. 

she held you like that, for a few minutes longer, or hours, maybe, how long was this fucking movie? your pussy was clenching and unclenching, your heart beating out of control as you tried to ignore the feeling of abby beneath you to no avail. 

suddenly, thankfully, she relinquished her hold on your waist, smoothing her hands down the expanse of your bare thighs. 

“hey, i’m getting pretty tired. i’ve gotta be up pretty early, i think we’re gonna turn in,” she said over the movie, and jordan craned his neck to look at the pair of you standing up. you really hoped your face didn’t give away how insanely flustered you felt. leah was passed out in his lap, and he gave you both a nod and bid you goodnight. 

in the hallway, abby was back to ignoring you. you could barely keep up with her as she strode ahead. you were aching at this point, genuinely surprised you weren’t leaking straight down your thighs as you watched her back muscles flex beneath her shirt. you loved this game. and she knew it too. 

she stopped just outside your door, leaning against the frame and crossing her arms as she waited for you to unlock it. before you could get both feet through the doorway, she was right behind you, chest pressing against your back as she ushered you inside, closing the door behind her and spinning you around so that she could press you against it. you gasped, flattening your palms against the door as you looked at her, your head trapped between her arms. you burned under her gaze, stomach tightening and legs going weak. 

“don’t think i didn’t see your face in the mirror while i was training,” she said quietly, grabbing the back of your neck to keep your eyes on her. you were so fucking horny you didn’t have the semblance to be ashamed as she all but taunted you.

“hm? just watching me work out gets you all hot and bothered?” you felt like your neck might snap from nodding so hard. abby laughed quietly at you, the sound only turning you on more. 

“yeah i know, because you know i could take you any way i wanted and you wouldn’t even have to lift a finger. so fucking spoiled,” she was teasing you, and you whined. “you’ve been so patient with me this week,” she pressed her lower half against you, using her hand to press the side of your face into the door, making you once again aware of the silicone cock in her pants. she could feel your pulse thrumming against her fingers, exciting her. “gonna make it all better now, okay? i’m gonna give you what you need…” her lips were ghosting over your ear, and you were quite literally trembling in her grasp, taking in a shaky breath as you waited patiently. 

“so good for me,” she grabbed you by the jaw, before she placed a kiss on your lips and pulled back, causing you to let out a pitiful whine. 

“tell me what you want,” her lids were heavy as she looked at you, her poor, poor baby—lips parted, eyes glazed over, panting with a desperate need. you pouted slightly. surely she’d give in, right? she’s already had you waiting for so long. 

she gripped your jaw tighter, making you gasp as she pressed you further into the door. you were helpless, completely at her mercy, her strength always hyper evident when she had you like this. “c’mon, tell me what you want.” you felt tears welling in your eyes, balling your hands into fists as she watched your face. 

“use me,” your voice broke through, small and weak. somehow, abby’s face remained stoic, though you saw her draw in a sharp breath. she pulled her hand away to tap at your cheek, not quite a slap, but enough that you were whining. 

“manners,” she reprimanded, withdrawing her hand completely. you let a tear fall as you were overcome with frustration, emptiness–

“please, use me, please abby, i missed you,” and it was pathetic, how a sob escaped your lips. but it was okay, because you knew she’d make it all better, her eyes going soft for a moment before she was pulling you in, slotting your lips together in a messy kiss. you could taste as your tears mixed with saliva, letting her suck your tongue into her mouth before trailing her hands down to your ass, grabbing a handful and squeezing. 

“jump,” she mumbled against your lips, and you obliged, letting her pull you in as you wrapped your legs around her waist. she carried you across the room with ease, and you couldn’t help but try to press deeper against her lower half.

“so fuckin’ pretty baby,” she mumbled against you, and she was setting you down on the table. “was so hard to not to just bend you over that couch and fuck you like you deserve,” oh god, oh fuck, you were moaning against her mouth, letting her hands find the hem of your shirt before she was pulling it off over your head, exposing your breasts. 

“bet you’d like that, hm? letting me fuck you in front of our friends, show them how dirty you really are?” she rasped, her voice holding a desperate edge. you whined at the notion, the fact that she was just as desperate for you as you were for her. you nodded pathetically as she rubbed a thumb across your sensitive nipples, drawing your bottom lip between your teeth as you gripped the edge of the table. 

she dipped her head down, swirling her tongue over one of your nipples and you threaded your fingers through her hair, gripping tightly as your head fell back in ecstasy, mouth falling open in a silent moan. she kissed her way back up to your mouth as you panted heavily. she wasn’t even teasing you, she was so desperate, the heat radiating off her body as she continued messily kissing up to your neck, your jaw, back to your mouth where she parted your lips with her own, fumbling with the button of your jeans. 

“yeah, i know baby, i know,” her voice was like velvet, scratchy and soft at the same time against your lips. “just need me to take care of you, huh? that it?” she was practically manhandling you to lift your hips up and pull off your pants and panties, your tailbone connecting rather harshly with the wooden table once you were exposed—you didn’t have the semblance to be embarrassed at how it barely even hurt as your body was overwhelmed with adrenaline, with desire, with abby. 

“yes, god,” you threw your head back, wrapping your legs around her waist to draw her in closer as she sucked a fresh mark into your neck, and then another, and another, leaving you grinding helplessly against her, your wetness allowing you to rub your clit directly against the bulge in her pants. your whining was pornographic, desperate and loud, the friction clouding your mind with ecstasy. “missed you so much, abs, please–”

“fuckin’ needy,” she gritted, pressing on your lower back to get you even closer, eliciting a gasp from your mouth as you clutched onto her shoulder with one hand while the other kept you steady on the table. “barely been a week and you just need it that bad, can’t even wait for my cock?” her words were filthy, and your grinding even filthier, desperate and rough, like you were a bitch in heat—abby’s strong arm was keeping you in place as you took your pleasure, the feeling overwhelming your body as you panted and gasped, and oh, since when were you able to cum this fast? “c’mon baby, that’s it– take what you need, i got you.”

it must have barely been five seconds before you were losing it, body tensing as your hips stuttered, feeling your wetness absolutely drenching the front of abby’s pants. “oh m’godm’godfuckingchrist–” you babbled incoherently as she held you through it, murmuring praises and trying to hide her own groans by biting down into your shoulder. your used clit was puffy and sore against the rough fabric of her pants as you came down, whining as abby reached between your bodies. 

“such a fucking good girl, my god,” she praised, giving you no time to recover as she ran her fingers through your slick folds. you moaned, your thighs closing around her arm instinctively as she explored your wetness, slipping two fingers inside with ease. 

“abby, s’too much, please,” your voice was pitiful, broken and whiny as you gripped her arm, your words inconsistent with the way your walls fluttered around her fingers as she opened you up, unable to resist her, even when it felt like too much—because you know it wasn’t too much. in fact, maybe it wasn’t enough. abby knew your body, exactly how you needed to be taken apart, brought to your peak and taken care of.

“yeah? you don’t want this then?” she taunted, and took her fingers out so that she was just teasing your entrance. 

“no!” you gasped, the empty feeling making your stomach twist, tears streaming down your face. “please, i- i can take it, please, i’m sorry,” you begged, would practically say anything or do anything at this point. but you knew abby wouldnt make you wait long, smirking at you before pressing her fingers back in just as quickly as she’d pulled out. she couldn’t resist you, especially after not having you for an entire week. 

“i know you can baby, such a good girl,” she was working her fingers into you rapidly now, determined to make you come on her fingers again before she impaled you on her strap.and it wouldn’t take long, what with your sensitive cunt being abused again. you were shaking, could feel your wetness pooling beneath you, ruining the table as you moaned and panted. “c’mon, let go for me baby, let go,” her voice washed over you, started as the sweat on your hairline until it was making your stomach twist, your thighs tremble and your toes curl, your pussy gushing out for the second time already that night. 

“fuck,” you whined, clenching desperately around nothing as she pulled her fingers out of you, digging your nails into her shoulder as she ran a finger over your swollen clit again, making you gasp out her name, broken and pitiful. your heart was beating out of your chest, watching abby draw her fingers up to your mouth. your lips parted automatically, allowing her to press her fingers in, pressing down on your tongue as you sucked your juices off of her. 

“yeah, that’s it,” she breathed. “clean up your mess baby.” so full of love and adoration, but she wanted more. you could see it in her eyes as they flashed something wild, and knew she wasn’t planning on stopping. watching your pleasure was doing something to her she couldn’t even explain, practically moaning at the sight and feeling of you sucking on her fingers.

you were tired, your multiple orgasms after a dry spell catching up to you quickly, and abby could sense your sudden change in demeanor—your eyes drooping slightly as you sucked lazily on her fingers, your index finger holding onto one of her belt loops to keep you upright. you were a sight, your juices spilled all over the table, your thighs sticky and messy with your arousal. she almost took pity on you, almost. but she knew her good girl could take just one more. 

and you knew it too, what with the way she was looking at you. the thought made you feel dirty, and made you moan around her fingers, grasping on her wrist as you started sucking on them just a little bit harder, that little flame in your tummy igniting once more. you watched abby’s eyes darken as you sped up, her chest rising and falling quicker as she felt your tongue wrapping around her fingers.

“oh m’god, baby,” she groaned, and she withdrew her fingers, a string of saliva dribbling down your chin as she shuffled backwards to undo her pants. “i gotta fuck you baby, gotta give you what you deserve,” she was rambling as you leaned back on your elbows, your legs twitching as the cool air washed over your damp pussy, on display for your girlfriend. “gonna give you this cock baby don’t worry.”

“please abby,” and unspoken was please take care of me, please fuck me, please do anything you want to me, and she would. there was no doubt. you could barely see the black silicone spring free from down the line of your body as you were laid back on the table. 

“i know baby, i know,” abby gripped your hip with one hand, her blunt nails digging into the flesh with a delicious sting, and you tried to pull back when the tip of her strap brushed over your over-sensitive clit. it made your brain all fuzzy, your whole body tingling with the over-sensitivity, the push and pull of wanting more but feeling so used. “just let me in, you can take it,” she was practically cooing, teasing your entrance as you writhed on the table, tears streaming down your cheeks as you tried to watch. 

“abby!” you cried as she pushed past the tight ring of muscle, your back arching so that you sat up higher, the angle pressing her cock right against your most delicate spot. abby’s hand immediately came around to your back, holding you up before you dead-weighted and hit your head on the wooden table. 

“i got you, angel, you’re okay,” she was mesmerized, watching the way your body responded to her. you were so fucked out, the feeling of her cock stretching you out making you whine and pant and feel so fucking dirty. “c’mon baby, sit up. hands around my neck, you can do it,” she was pulling you up, and you obliged, reaching up to wrap your arms lazily around her neck. she snaked both arms around your waist and lifted you up off the table, causing you to cry out and bury your face into her neck. 

“that’s it, just relax,” she kept herself nestled deep inside you, almost pressed against your cervix when you wrapped your legs around her waist and whined pitifully, the sound muffled by abby’s shirt. her hands snaked down to your ass to keep you spread open as she held you still and began to thrust slowly up into your sore cunt. 

“oh m’god abby, jesus,” you cried as she fucked into you with seemingly no effort, your wet pussy making obscene noises each time she pulled out. you were already teetering right on the edge, and the feeling of her cock filling you up was going to be your downfall. she groaned each time she felt you tensing in her grip, and she was faltering with her own arousal. 

“such a good fucking girl,” she was almost growling, and you were so close, so fucking close, your juices dribbling out indecently around her as she fucked you to overstimulation. “taking everything i give you…is my pretty girl going to come again for me? hm?” you could do nothing but nod as abby bounced you up and down on her thick cock, desperate to bring you to your release. 

“well c’mon then,” she whispered against the side of your face and your eyes rolled back into your head as your pussy tightened around her, nearly suffocating her with your arms as your body was overwhelmed by your third orgasm of the night. a broken mantra of abby abby abby abby spilling from your lips as you tumbled over the edge again. 

“that’s it baby, fuck,” abby’s voice was almost as broken as yours, pulling you closer into her hips as you cried into her shoulder. 

“my fucking best girl.”

[necros-writing-stuff]

Read this fic. Went feral. Decided I needed to write this dynamic in my own way so here we fucking go.

Younger AU (Eden is 19, reader is 18, they're both orphans getting ready to run away into the forest soon).

Male Eden x AFAB reader (they/them and you pronouns).

Warnings: Eden is the victim, its his POV. Dubcon and bad communication. Creampies/breeding. Mentions of past child abuse and the trauma from it. Hurt and only one of you is getting comfort (it's not Eden lmfao). Loss of virginity. My ass did not proofread. Oh, and Bailey mentions.

Every ounce of his body aches as he practically crawls up the main staircase of the orphanage. A twelve hour shift at the scrap yard will do that to you - especially when you're the young grunt everyone knows is desperate for money. Especially when half of them know that if they break him, if he quits and can't placate the caretaker with cash, they could be buying his ass for a few quid.

Eden's a risk to client health. Couldn't be charging much for him unless broken bones were the desired outcome. And the young man had heard enough rumours of illegal fighting rings to be wary of the possibility that he could be heading to one of them, instead.

Eden tries to shake the fears from his mind while cracking his aching neck. Not anymore. He can't be hurt anymore, not now that he's grown so big. The rat that runs the orphanage hasn't beat him in years because of it and any threats are pretty much empty. Toward Eden, at least.

He reaches his room and stumbles through the threshold yawning, almost missing the shape distorting his bedsheets in the dark. His heart doesn't speed up seeing it, the dark haired man barely even flinches. He already knows what it is, can already hear the sniffling whines coming from below.

Carefully, he pushes the door closed, the click of the lock what finally gets them to scramble out from the cheap polyester-blend sheets with wettened wide eyes that scream for mercy even though no harm has come to them.

Your name is soft on his lips as he holds his arms out, letting his friend fall against him as he steps closer. Pride building within himself as those wide eyes sparkle with relief even if the tears don't stop.

"They- they took Emma a-again," you hyperventilate, struggling to describe what had worked you up so badly. Little words were needed anyway.

Emma was situated in the room beside you. A good friend, a kind friend who shared whatever food she could, when she could. A friend who had barely lived through the last time she was sold.

Eden's large hand comes to the back of your head, cradling it delicately, urging it to rest against his chest as he hushes his dear friend, his sweaty work t-shirt absorbing your tears as they fell. Usually he'd rock you side-to-side, but with your legs still kneeling on the bed he instead kept up with his calming mantras, the assurances he must have muttered a thousand times.

He wasn't good with words, but he'd said these ones enough that they came naturally.

A thousand more times he'd repeat them if he had to. At least until he could get you out of here. He'd been searching for the right place out in that forest, searching hard for somewhere safe. Anywhere safe.

"They're going to take me soon," you whimper, voice cracking as your fingers claw at Eden's clothed back.

"Hey - hey, no. No they won't, I'm not going to let that happen. Me and Bailey both, yeah?"

Your pitiful eyes stare up into his, his reflection in them showing the concerned frown etched into his features. Still, the corners of your lips quiver as you continue.

"I just turned eighteen. He'll come for me soon; he'll come for me like he did everyone else."

It had always been the three of you. Him, Bailey, you. Two older brothers with their sweet little sibling they did their best to hide behind them. It had worked, so far.

You were one of the quiet ones. One of the kids who could fly under the radar, one who didn't inspire hatred from the old toad behind the desk. Unlike Eden and Bailey. The threat of being sold had been over their heads for a year - but the beatings had started way before then. Made them much less scared than the others who were moved to this wing. They were already numb to it.

Corraling you to lay back down doesn't take much effort, not when Eden kicks off his steel-toe boots and joins you on the lumpy mattress. Your head immediately rests on top of his chest, face nuzzling against his neck as he continues to let you treat him as your lifeline.

"We won't be here long enough for him to hurt you, alright? I'm going to keep you safe." He whispers it against the crown of your head, your little secret shared just between the two of you in that moment.

There's a non-committal hum from you, the sound making your lips brush softly against the column of his throat. It tickles, and the dark haired man ignores the shiver it sent down his spine. Just an accidental brush.

A silence creeps in while he holds you, your sobs calming until your breaths are mostly even though still a bit shaky. Each puff blows against his skin, tugging on his nerves and threatening another shiver to come forth. It makes his stomach heavy, knowing that you're here, you're upset, yet he's having this horrible involuntary response to the affection shared.

His mind being so lost is what makes him miss your hand inching down his chest until its cupping his half-hard cock through his pants.

Deathly silence. Silence that prickles his skin worse than your little breaths had.

"... I don't want someone taking my first time from me," your small voice strains.

It's clumsy, how your hand palms him. Clumsy how it rubs against him, the friction of his rough clothes unpleasant against his sensitive flesh. It should be unpleasant how its you doing it, yet another shiver stutters Eden's lungs and forces him to gasp for the missing air.

Those soft, sweet lips meet his throat again, playing ignorant to the scratchy stubble that has to irritate the thin skin - Eden's involuntary gasp seemingly being taken as encouragement.

The young man isn't good with words. He knows to curse out abusers. Knows to fight back, to snarl and kick and punch. You aren't an abuser. You're just scared.

"You love me, right Eden?" Reedy is how you sound as your head lifts, peering down into his green eyes you had once said you thought were a pretty shade. He hadn't believed you then.

Something should be coming out of his throat. Something like 'Yes, I love you. But not like this.' What comes out instead is a clicking noise when your palm presses down once more, the dark haired man's eyes blinking shut as an ounce of pre-cum wets his boxers.

Clothes shuffling calls for his attention, it opens his eyes enough to see your hand sliding below his waistband and into his underwear. All he needs to do is gently grab your wrist. Carefully pull it away and just cuddle you so you know he cares, but he doesn't want this. Eden can't really feel his arms right now.

Your pink little tongue wets your lips again before you lean over him, kissing his slightly chapped ones as your hand finds its mark.

Another gasp from him, another misread response you take as permission to keep going and to flick your tongue against his own while your fingers wrap about his now pitifully hard cock. It's not a shiver this time, it's a jolt that makes the muscles in his left thigh seize for a brief moment.

It's hard to say if you're doing good. He hasn't exactly had any positive experiences in this department, regardless of if he was sold or not. It feels good. The heaviness in his stomach deepens, a sense of guilt and nausea rising in tandem.

Slick noises register in his ears. For a second Eden thinks its himself, or perhaps the kiss he isn't really participating in. It isn't, though, not if your weak moans are anything to go by. It's you, your free hand having disappeared beneath your own pants to... to prepare yourself for him.

"You're so big, Eden." Irreverent, whispered, praised.

Tightness pulls on his balls, licks of pleasure making his toes curl in their socks and making it harder to breathe. His mouth is so dry now, without you kissing him. He shouldn't want your mouth back on his own.

'Please be bored,' Eden pleads to himself when you pull yourself fully away from him. 'Please change your mind - I don't care about still being hard. I can't say no to you, please.'

Instead, your pants are shucked off, thrown and discarded on the old hardwood floor along with your shirt as you get to work pulling his clothes off.

Every action has to be involuntary. It has to be, when Eden doesn't even feel like he's here. He can't be leaning up to help you in your quest to make his chest bare. But he is. He can't be raising his hips to free his legs of the clothing. But he is.

Unsteadily, your body shaking, you climb atop Eden, the plush of your thighs pressing down onto his lower abdomen and hips. So soft, so precious. Just like the smile you're aiming down at him, that love you spoke of shining so clearly through your expression.

He can see the wetness of your cunt from here, the slick liquid having spread to your thighs and dampening the hair down there. Most people shave now, when they're expecting things like this. A small comfort, that you didn't plan this. It didn't stop self hatred banging around his skull at how his cock jumped when your fingers spread your lower lips apart.

It feels as soft as it looked when you slowly sink down. Eden was still paralysed, despite the intensity of your heat and how it suctioned him in. He still couldn't move. Until you whined in pain and rose from his lap an inch or two.

That's the trigger that gave him his strength back. You, in pain. You, needing comfort.

Shooting up from his laying position, Eden's arms were around your waist in a second, his voice back to hushing and comforting. Your face back to his neck as you hummed along to his words, relaxing once more as you tried again.

He should stop you. He could have stopped you, this time. He shouldn't have pushed his hips up, shouldn't have let his eye twitch at how fucking good you felt wrapped around his shaft as some part of his brain screamed at him to fuck up into the heaven he found himself in.

The guilt stayed his movements. It stayed them until you cautiously began to bounce, used to the stretch of him now and eager to feel good. Then, Eden's arms almost crushed you against his chest, halting your hips as his own began a bucking rhythm.

'Let it feel right,' part of him insisted, raising the pit in his stomach to a calm plateau.

Pretty is what your voice sounds like in his ear. Pretty as you babble on about how nice it is, how he fills you just right and how you won't let anyone else ever touch you again. How you're his, you promise.

It's not a bad thing, right? It just means you'll always need him, just as you have before. You'll be a constant even as things change. And Eden hates change. But this isn't really change, is it?

It feels too damn good to last long. Too great, too much suction pulling his head further and further away from any semblance of reason.

Wanton noises spill from you, high pitched keening as you take every inch of him you can while your body quivers in his embrace.

What finally pushes Eden over the edge is the predictable, suffocating ever tightening walls of your cunt spasming around him - massaging his length and milking him dry of his seed. Too late now to realise you hadn't used a condom. Too late now to consider that a third might be coming to the forest with them that isn't Bailey.

Exhaustion hits him like a truck, not just his body, but a deep haze over his mind that pushes him back down to his pillow with your sweat glistening body falling on top of his own. The ceiling is so bare. Most ceilings are, he realises, just white voids to stare up at unless they've got that horrible popcorn shit on them. You haven't pulled him out of you.

You don't pull him out of you. You keep him there, even as you snuggle close and almost sing your love to him despite the fact that you're whispering still.

He has work again in the morning. Eden can't sleep. You snore softly, resting on top of him. He tries to reason that it's because his socks are still on, and that's just not comfortable. He tries to keep his breathing calm, even when it's trying it's best to run away from him.

[myreygn]

HELLO I SAW WHAT U SAID ABOUT DEMON SLAYER (THAT YOULL KISS ME LMFAO) BUT I WANTED TO ASK FOR MAYBE LEE ENMU??? YEAH IK HE JUST IS SO UNDERRATED IN THE TK COMMUNITY- idk why I’m yelling sorry but I need Lee or ler enmu anything pls 😭 my love for that man is indescribable and HE HAS LIKE NO TK CONTENT and that makes me sad awawaw but anyway have a good day or night or whatever time it is for u <333

Unhand me!

summary: Akaza allows himself to take a day off from the mission he was assigned and decides to stay at Mugen train - surely he and Enmu can avoid each other for the time being. Only that Enmu seemingly has no interest in avoiding Akaza and Upper Moon Three isn't one to turn down a challenge.

an: HI I'M SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG ALSO PLEASE YELL AS MUCH AS YOU WANT WE SUPPORT YELLING ON THIS BLOG- okay good news is i finally finished it and i had a lot of fun with it, i also learned to appreciate enmu more during the time i had this in my inbox and finished the manga so i feel like i was able to write for them a lot better than i would have been three months ago! thank you for the request - i went with akaza's pov for this one because i find his easier to write than enmu's, i hope that's okay ^^ it's set somewhere between s1 and s2, enjoy!

wordcount: 1765

tagging: @giggly-squiggily because i stole your rui/akaza-dynamic and @duckymcdoorknob because it's your husband <3

warnings: it's an akaza pov so lots of swearing!

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸¸♫·¯·♪¸¸♩·¯·♬¸¸

Akaza was exhausted. Which was ridiculous, considering that demons, let alone Upper Moons, shouldn’t even be able to feel something as mundane as exhaustion. Yet this stupid mission managed to- no, it wasn’t a stupid mission, there was no way he could even think that when there was so much as a chance of Muzan-sama listening in on his thoughts at that very moment. 

A noticeable shiver ran through Akaza’s body and he jumped through the opening in the train’s roof (whatever purpose a damn skylight on a train had but alright). It would probably be best to just not think about this mission at all for a few hours. He had worked hard these past few weeks, he could take a day off. And while the company of Lower Moon One certainly wouldn’t be his first choice in any other situation (except maybe if it was between them and fucking Douma) the train they had brought under their control would do as lodging for now. Especially because it was in the engine shed which meant that there were no people around to disturb him and enough space to get away from Enmu in case they got too annoying.

Akaza slouched down in one of the seats, not bothering to open his eyes when he felt a poorly covered presence approaching. “I’m just crushing here for today, don’t make a fuss about it.”

No answer, but the presence was still there. Okay, weird, but it was undoubtedly exactly who he thought it was and he wasn’t gonna open his eyes for Enmu of all people. A little voice in the back of his head started squeaking about how disrespectful the lower ranked demon was being but honestly, Akaza didn’t have the energy to scold them right now. Who cared anyway, it was just the two of them and Enmu knew very well that Akaza could obliterate their ass within two seconds, so whatever.

He crossed his arms behind his head, leaning back and enjoying the silence. Well, while it lasted.

Tap.

Nope. Absolutely not.

Tap. 

He was not gonna sacrifice his peace of mind for whatever bullshit Enmu was up to.

Tap tap. Taptaptaptaptap- 

“GAH!” Akaza felt his eyes fly wide open and his foot crashed into the floor next to his seat at something squeezing his knee. A few quick tapping noises and a soft snicker that seemed to come from the walls rather than from the hand that sat patiently in the middle of the gangway, an aura of fake innocence and smugness to it that would’ve driven Akaza up the wall on any other day.

Today though? Maybe it was really only because he was so fed up with this not at all stupid, so much fun mission that he had been trying to complete for weeks now but he had to admit, he felt rather… playful. Daki and Gyutaro had plenty of playfights whenever they all came together and although he’d rather walk straight into the sun than admit it out loud, there was always a sting of jealousy in his chest watching them. He had no one he could do that with - these days he hardly ever came across anyone who a) matched his strength enough for them to actually do something like that, b) had the guts to challenge him and c) didn’t make him want to rip his own head off whenever they opened their mouth. Fucking Douma, honestly.

And sure, Enmu was only a lower moon but they still matched two out of the three necessary criteria, so maybe it was gonna be fun. The hand tapped the floor with its index finger and a mouth appeared on it, stretched into a wide grin. Fuck it, why shouldn’t he play along.

“You have balls, I’ll give you that.” He lunged forward, missing the hand only by a mere inch or so. Hm. Surprising enough. Of course he hadn’t used his full speed but he still had planned on catching the hand. Little fucker was quick - that, or he was more exhausted than he had thought. Maybe both. Probably both.

“That was a good one, Akaza-sama!”

Heavens, he didn’t need this creepy thing giving him compliments- “Hey!” In the brief second he had been busy thinking about how weird it was to literally talk to the hand (he had seen Enmu pull the talk to the hand move on one of the other lower moons once and begrudgingly admitted to himself that that had been pretty cool), said hand had lunged forward to squeeze his knee once more. That brave move brought an end to its attempt at a reign of terror though.

“Gotcha!” Akaza held the hand up by the fingers, pressing them together in a way he hoped wasn’t too painful - he was still having fun and didn’t really want that ruined by Enmu getting hurt and inevitably becoming horny over it - and smirked at the struggling limb. “What do you think you’re doing, huh?”

“Oh, I thought we were playing a little game,” Enmu chirped through the hand’s mouth (hands shouldn’t have mouths, jeez, Enmu was so weird), “Akaza-sama seemed so down on the bench, I thought I might as well try to cheer him up.”

“By sending your creepy hand to squeeze my knee?”

“Yes!” The thumb wriggled excitedly and Akaza was glad he was holding the other fingers hostage so he didn’t have to see them do it as well. “Douma-sama told me about Akaza-sama’s knees being quite, hum, sensitive, I wanted to see for myself!”

“He said that, huh?” Akaza felt heat boiling in his stomach but he couldn’t really tell whether it was anger or horror at the prospect of Douma spreading this particular weakness of his around like hot gossip - not that a vast majority of demons could manage to utilize it against him if he didn’t want them to. Still. Fucking Douma. “Did he tell you what would happen if you got busted by me?”

The hand seemed to stiffen a little at that and Akaza couldn’t help but let out a low chuckle. “That’s what I thought. Tell you what, if you show yourself right now I might go easy on you.”

Silence. He lifted the hand to eye level. “Alright. You brought this upon yourself.”

A shriek echoed from the train’s walls and Akaza felt the corners of his mouth pull up in amazement. All he had done was gently scratch at the soft skin right where regular humans had their artery. “If your wrists are this bad, what about the rest of your hand?”

“Wahait, wait, Akahaza-samahahahaaa!”

Akaza snickered to himself, relentlessly dragging his blunt nails over Enmu’s wrist. (Enmu’s hand’s wrist? This was Enmu’s hand, right? He wondered whether they carried substitute hands in their pockets.) “I am waiting, waiting for you to come out so I can look at your face while I annihilate you.”

There was no real bite to his words and he was sure Enmu could tell - otherwise they would’ve probably thrown themselves in the dirt in front of Akaza already, begging to be left alive. Not that Akaza had the authority to kill the last remaining lower moon just like that but Enmu probably didn’t know that, and honestly, they didn’t need to. He was allowed to keep at least a little bit of his threatening exterior.

Although how threatening could he seem, standing in an empty train and tickling a detached hand? Probably not very, but whatever, looking threatening wasn’t the top priority right now. The top priority remained getting that little weasel Enmu to leave their hiding spot and if he had to bring out the big guns for that, then fine, he’d bring out the big guns.

“AIEEE! Ahahahakazaha-sahahama! Nohot thahahahat!”

Enmu was losing it now and the whole train vibrated as if shaken by their high and shrieky cackles. Akaza allowed himself an evil chuckle. There was something very satisfying about hearing that normally melodic and breathy voice brought to such loud and, dare he say it, ridiculous noises. Especially considering that he wasn’t really doing much aside from gently scribbling over the palm of the hand - as he knew all too well from countless humiliating interactions with Douma, a light touch was often enough to really get someone screaming and Enmu didn’t seem to be the exception to that.

“Ahakazahaha-sahahamaha, unhahand mehehe!”

“Oh, you think you’re really funny, huh?!”

“NAHAHAT THEHE PAHAHALM!”

Growing more hysterical by the second.

“PLEHEHEHEASE!”

Hilarious.

“You know what to do if you want me to stop.” Akaza smirked to himself when a low thud behind him notified him of Enmu’s long overdue surrender and he stopped his attack on the hand to turn around to an absolutely demolished looking lower moon. As soon as he took his fingers off, the limb went limp (Ha ha.) and he gave himself a moment to relish in the sound of Enmu desperately gasping for air. “There you are, you little freak. So I guess that means I win.”

“Ehe, indeed you do. Well played, Akaza-sama.” Enmu got on their knees and grinned up at him, cheeks flushed and lips stretched into a pleased smile; a smile Akaza found himself returning, much to his surprise. “May I have a turn now?”

The upper moon hesitated for a moment. Pausing and really thinking about it, this was beyond inappropriate, but then again… it wasn’t like Muzan-sama didn’t already know about the tickle fights amongst his Kizuki. And even if Enmu went on to tattle about this to Douma, well, it wasn’t like Douma didn’t know about Akaza’s tendency to goof off with the lower moons as well. Or at least his tendency to goof off with a former lower moon. 

Akaza felt the ever so slight hint of a sting in his chest; he knew he shouldn’t, but damn, he missed Rui. He remembered their tickle fights, their games of hide and seek, Rui demanding piggyback rides. And grief was such an embarrassingly human feeling to experience, but to call it anything else would be a lie. For a moment he wondered whether Rui missed him too, watched him even - wouldn’t Rui want him to do this? He could almost sense the kid nudging him from the afterlife - Do it! I haven’t seen you laugh in a while! And Enmu was still there, still looking up at him so expectantly and fuck it, why the hell not! 

“Bring it on, sleeping beauty.”

Maybe it was okay to feel a little human every now and then.

[rizaposting]

Tagged by @quiet-nocturne! Thank you!! :] I love to waste time (my ass is NOT working)

are you named after anyone? My middle name, yeah! Named after my maternal grandfather who passed away before I was born. I actually don't know why my parents chose my first name--I think they just liked it

when was the last time you cried? Oh Babygirl like 20 minutes ago. I was thinking of a song that makes me emotional (not even listening to it!!!) and I had to wipe my eyes and sniffle pathetically. I'm such a crybaby it's embarrassing, I angry cry too, which is the WORST

do you have kids? No :[ but I want kids really viscerally it's kind of embarrassing

do you use sarcasm a lot? Yeah, and I'm trying to be better about using tone indicators ngjngjkdjkgnkjd

what sports do you play? Haha. I go for a walk around the neighborhood sometimes. I'd love to get back into swimming casually!

what’s the first thing you notice about people? This is maybe a weird thing to say, but their overall color palette? Like if you squint so you can only see the patterns of colors of their outfit and their skin tone/eye/hair.... Like a goddamn raptor I guess

what’s your eye color? Green. Kind of a light, very yellow-leaning green.

scary movies or happy endings? I like both!!! :] I'm really really into horror but I am also a sap and a lover and a romantic and I like happy endings.

any special talents? HAHA. Well. I used to have a really uncanny memory but my brain has been kind of fucked up lately. Do you want to learn how to do a Gram stain? I can teach you how to do a Gram stain. I'm also really good at pouring agar plates. Are these anything.

where were you born? New England -calls a drinking fountain a "bubbler" to do psychic damage to everyone around me-

what are your hobbies? Drawing and writing! I only started writing for fun in ~2022, but I've been drawing digitally since like... 2007. I also like to listen to hours long video essays on things I may or may not care about.

do you have any pets? I have a corn snake named Fion who is the nastiest corn snake I've ever met in my life and is an escape master like no other. Girl has escaped containment in my car THREE TIMES. I love her but she has cage aggression and only recently came out of a self-imposed 6 month brumation. Girl.

I had thought fleetingly about breeding her but now I know I have to keep her STANK DISPOSITION out of the gene pool.

how tall are you? 5' 3"/160cm. La Creatura height.

favorite subject in school? Biology! Microbiology specifically. My favorite courses in college were: a course called "pathogenic microbes", an independent study I did for virology, and immunology. Immunology was really tough but also really rewarding. None of the classes I took in grad school were informative or rewarding lmfao

dream job? Gremlin locked in a room doing 100 Gram stains a day. Honestly, I loved teaching my introductory microbio lab course!!! The foundations are really hands-on and it's so rewarding seeing the kids have fun and watch things click in their brain.

Either that or like... a woodworker snkfsdjsfdnkdsn I'm honestly so close to giving up on science because the job market is in shambles right now. I worked as a theatre set carpenter in college and I really loved getting to work with my hands, so maybe it's time to return to something like that

tagginnnnnnnnggggg: @phoenixfangs, @milekael, @littlewitchbee and @scienceoftheidiot (if you want, no pressure!!! Also if you see this and want to do it I'm tagging you oooo do it I dare you oooo)

[i-write-shakespeare-not-disney]

What are ur language hcs for Rody? I've seen ppl hc him speaking languages like Spanish, Italian, Portuguese or Dutch, so I'd like to know if there's any language u particularly like to hc him speaking. Also is there anything u want to say about the language Othenic that u made for ur last fic? Does it sound like any existing language or did u not put much thought into it?

okay, let me try this again now that I've had a day to rage about tumblr deleting my original reply kasdjfa

OKAY

Simpler answer first-- When I wrote in the "othenic" language, I never really thought of phrases or words for it, it's just another lesser know language of the world. My head imagines to have a sort of heavier touch on consonants, like Maya or Nahuatl, and a certain speaking rhythm that would make it sound musical, similar to Irish or Italian. But no actual phrases.

I headcanon Otheon having its own language typically, with English as the sort of European tether (as I've noticed in european media. Most people have like conversational English down pretty early on). HOWEVER---

So, when I saw Otheon in WHM, I sort of gasped and teared up a little bit because it looks so similar to my city in Mexico. The colorful houses, the tin roofs, the mountainous region with trees.

To the left is Sierra Ventana, where one of my great grandmas lives. I visit her every time I go to Mexico (hold on I think I even have photos I took last summer because the Rodydeku brainrot had already gripped me by the throat)

Ta-da!!! the view from my abuelita's patio!

So, of course I started projecting a lot of Mexican culture concepts onto Rody. That's why in "To End Up with You" he uses the phrase "Pampa nimitzlazohtla nochi no yollo." It's actual Nahuatl, one of the native tongues of Mesoamerica (the Aztecs, specifically). Like, yeah, he's European, but what if, y'know?

Okay, so now a deeper nosedive into my Rody Soul analysis.

I feel like we all forget that Rody was kinda rich before his dad was killed, so I think he managed to get a bit of schooling before they were run out. That makes me think that he had to be bi or trilingual at a young age, maybe not perfectly, but for sure enough to get by, especially on the streets.

Add to that the fact that a lot of europeans learn multiple languages because of how close so many other countries are to each other and how easy it is to travel between them (it's like an hour??? hello??? I drive an hour, I'm still in my fucking CITY).

I think I do kind of have Spanish and French as a given because of that, I mean they're very popular languages. And then Italian is pretty easy to comprehend if you know those two since the three are very intertwined and similar. Portuguese is super similar to Spanish as well, just with a throatier sound (like the French), so I think he'd at least be able to understand those at a surface level.

Of course, I headcanon he teaches himself Japanese because of Izuku, and since I'm teaching myself (with duolingo and some workbooks and music ksjfka), that's why I'm so specific about Rody being better about understanding when he hears it slowly, but not really being able to read Kanji much less write it. Also why Roro is a bit better at speaking it than Rody (living where the language is spoken really forces you to figure it out lmfao); he's had way more practice. Actually, if you pay attention, when Izuku describes Roro speaking, he describes it as proper, over-pronounced, and a bit choppy. But when Rody describes it, he considers it very flowy, even if it's not as fast as Izuku's. That was just the perspective since Izuku of course is a native speaker and Rody is just really fascinated with how quick his brother picked it up.

ALSO because English is a learned language in Otheon in my headcanon, I imagine that Rody also has an accent when speaking English!!!! And of course Izuku has one as well. I love accents. I love cultures. I love languages. And I love this couple because of how much I get to play with that, especially with expressions of affection, things lost in translation, creating a new language to let them say things. Like the Nahuatl Rody speaks, he describes as something you say to suggest a bond, a deep-rooted connection, etc. But the literal translation is "Te quiero con todo mi corazon" which, again, can't even be correctly translated into English since there's no word for "te quiero." Though the closest would be "I love you with my whole heart."

I also think Rody would love to learn other languages when he becomes a pilot, like at least enough to have a conversation even if he can't exactly read or write it, which is why I added Arabic and Hindi to the fic when he talks about languages. I think he'd want to get a good grasp on some of the most spoken languages in the world. I also think he'd like to learn Hebrew and Greek just because I think they're really pretty.

God, there's so many languages, and in a perfect world, he'd know them all at least a little, but ah well. I do think he'd really admire other languages, Dutch, German, Swahili, and all the ones that don't get quite as much love, you know?

Ahhhhh this is really long, but I hope I make sense. I hope you enjoyed reading this very long answer lmfao <3

[pineappleciders]

hihi!! could i ask an omori headcannon with an gn reader that loves videogames?? if you already do, could ya do with an reader that loves the stars?? SORRY IF I'M BROTHRJRGTIGN YOU SKDLVJSKL

MIKU DANCING BTW

RW OMORI gang with a reader who loves video games

includes: SUNNY, AUBREY, KEL, HERO, MARI, and BASIL

A/N: i have not done this so!!i also might do the stars request sometime :3 and you aren't bothering anyone i promise🫶 it has come to my attention after writing this that i mentioned wii's and controllers a lot. i grew up a console gamer and since omori kinda takes place in like the 2000's there isn't much pc stuff oops🤫

☆ ☆ ☆

SUNNY

i just KNOW he loves video games. he locks himself in his room and plays games on his puter for like 8 hours straight

his favorite games are RPGs and shooters!!! he really likes the old-school super mario bros games, and he likes smash bros sometimes but rages too hard at it

he can coach you in shooters so you absolutely DESTROY the competition. like he has a little mic in ur ear telling you what to do like you're playing sports

he also LOVES when you teach him game tactics, like his eyes are sparkling when you show him a sick combo in smash bros or an animation cancel. he thinks you're so cool for knowing that

he is always daydreaming about games and games actually affect a lot of stuff in headspace for him!!!! like a bunch of boss fights are based off of bosses in his fav childhood games

as a kid he always took his gameboy everywhere, and you always watch him play and cheer him on. and he lets you play with it too!!

AUBREY

video games are more of a nostalgic thing for her, like for her they're childhood memories of playing mario on kel's wii and getting super competitive with him

she likes to watch you play!! like if you're stuck in a certain part of a game she'll brainstorm and try to help you out. she's also very impressed that your brain can comprehend it all, for her it all just melts together

honestly i think she'd kinda suck at a lot of games but give her a controller on a FPS shooter and she's like. laughing maniacally and going on a killing spree

she definitely has some. errrr . rage issues. you might wanna take your controller back before she can throw it at the wall. she doesn't say ez or anything but if her teammates are trash-talking her she gets BRUTAL and bullies the shit out of them

she likes RPGs for awhile but when she gets stuck or lost she gets angry and gives up LMFAO. huffs and thanks you if you help her out but still might not play the game out of spite

KEL

he played more games in his childhood, but he's always been a tryhard!!!!

he doesn't rage, but he gets really competitive and tries REALLY hard. esp if he's against aubrey. he was more of a sore loser as a kid, now he's a better sport. still super sweaty though

lots of playing mario kart!!! the only other big game lover in the group is sunny so you three end up playing games on kel's wii together. kel prefers to play it himself but if you wanna take a turn he's all for watching you play!

he cheers you on and tells you to absolutely demolish the enemy team. like he's hovering over you and shouting like "HE's RIGHT THERE HE'S RIGHT THERE"

hero ends up telling u all to get outside and play when u end up sitting on the couch for hours. you groan but reluctantly comply

he appreciates it if you coach him in a game,, he's really great at fighting games like mortal kombat but he kinda sucks ass at FPS shooters. RPGs he just doesn't find entertaining and usually gets distracted

i can see him liking GTA but never being allowed to play it, so if you have it he'd play it at your house (u two giggle together when he enters the strip club) (and hero yells at you both for it)

HERO

hero never really played many games, only as a small child on his gameboy. sometimes he'd watch kel play games but other than that he isn't experienced

honestly. he goes into a game saying he doesn't know how to play and is gonna get his shit rocked and he sucks sooo bad and then he is GODLY at the game.

like he picks up the controller and his thumbs just start moving even if he has no idea what's going on. it kinda pisses u off LMFAO

he's great at gaming but doesn't find much interest in it, he'd love to watch you play though!! he thinks it's so cool how you understand everything that's going on on the screen

probably gets you an old-school gaming device like a gameboy or nintendo DS as a gift,, he thinks you'd appreciate it because it's 'vintage', and buys cartridges of games from his childhood so you can experience it with him!!

MARI

she doesn't game often (at all) but when she does she's AMAZING AT IT. like you introduce her to a game expecting to absolutely roll her and so ur about to go easy on her and you get DESTROYED

and she'll get all smug and act innocent about it too. like "oh haha i haven't played this in so long i'm surprised i'm still good at it!😊😊" all while literally wiping the floor with you

she claps for you and tells you she's proud of you if you beat a certain level or level up or something. she'll like make you a special treat too even if it's something small (she's very proud!!)

always insisting that you and sunny 1v1 or play together. she thinks it'd be so cute to have you to share something you both love!!!!

she never rages or anything, but i can see her getting really dirty sometimes with trash-talk. like if someones being mean to you in vc or match chat she's angrily typing the worst things imaginable and telling you not to look

BASIL

like aubrey, games are more nostalgic childhood things for him. like he remembers always watching sunny play on his gameboy and cheering on sunny and kel when they played games on saturdays

he's okay at gaming, like he's not bad but he's not good. he's okay at FPS games and shooters but he prefers RPGs and cute games like minecraft and stardew valley. indie games and games like OMORI r stuff i think he'd like too

loves to watch you play, and if you ask him if he wants to try he might hesitate but agrees and starts SHREDDING. idk i feel like he'd he really good at cod zombies even if he thinks he sucks. like he literally is so good at it it's annoying

very encouraging. he is your #1 cheerleader when playing

when he's in the store and sees like merch of games or figurines he always thinks of you like 'oh Y/N would like that!!' and if he can afford it then he gives it to you all casually

"yeah i saw this $300 figurine at the store, it made me think of you! ... do you not like it? i can bring it back !!!!"

[pinkgrapefloyd]

1 for tdims; 4, 5, 10, 17, 18!

thank you for the ask! <3

1 share a song that makes you think of 'there's daggers in men's smiles'

I don't necessarily think the themes match 100%, but I listened to "moon song" by phoebe bridgers a lot while writing! also "coma" by taylor acorn because it has major johnny-unlearning-bullshit vibes.

4 How many WIPs do you have right now?

oh god. if we're talking unfinished works that I haven't abandoned... thirteen. jesus fucking christ. one for good omens, four for frey & mcgrey, eight for cobra kai. but I'm only actively working on about three or four of those right now!

5 What's a fic idea you've had that you'll never write?

hm idk. i usually write something down for every distinct idea that i have. the only one that i currently haven't written anything for is a frey & mcgray idea that plays off the TPLOSH scene where holmes implies he's with watson to get out of being propositioned by a russian ballerina. because i think that'd be juicy as hell with the mcfrey dynamic. but i can't guarantee that i'll never write for it! maybe one day! it's just currently a very basic idea.

10 Is there a fic that got a different response than what you were expecting?

honestly, i was surprised by the sheer amount of readers anti-hero had because I personally don't read WIPs that often. (I know, shame on me, I'm probably missing out on many great works and the fun of reading and commenting as someone uploads!)

and i thought tdims would get a lot of 'cute fic but would have been better with karate' type comments and was really happy people liked the fencing content independently of how much previous fencing knowledge they had!

17 What's something you've learned while doing research for a fic?

My top 3 facts that I've learned during fic research:

in my research about typhoid fever i learned about the worst potato salad of all time, which was prepared in 1898 by a cook in Saarbrücken who didn't wash his hands after cleaning a toilet and subsequently killed forty people with his cooking. yikes.

if you remember the 1982 fencing championship casualty - it was actually a german fencer who fatally injured a ukrainian one (USSR at the time). when russia invaded ukraine forty years later, he took in his opponent's son-in-law and grandchildren.

I bet everyone's sick of me talking about this, but the US Supreme Court case that decided sodomy laws were unconstitutional is called Lawrence v Texas. I just think it's cool that the plaintiff shares a name with Johnny, whose fic I researched that for.

18 What's one of your favorite lines you've written in a fic?

published: it's split between these two (both from tdims. lmao. no i don't have favorite children.)

"Grief makes you into an odd animal that flinches at all sorts of normal things. But of all animals out there, none are as adaptable as humans. You can get used to the unacceptable if you just give it enough time."

and

"The heartbreak burns so brightly inside of Johnny that it called across the ocean like a lighthouse, and now the other monsters are crawling up from the depths of the sea to extinguish him before Johnny's softness can give them a bad name."

unpublished: this line from "worse by the hour" of a character in 1880s scotland coming out to his butler (pretty much the only family he has left). I wrote it and immediately said "bro!" out loud. lmfao. i feel like that means something.

“What if the McGray name dies with me?” “Then it should feel honoured to share yer grave.” 

[sydneyscarm]

“about the blogger” meme

thank you to @bioloyg for tagging me :)

y’all don’t really know me so this’ll b fun

star signs: aquarius sun, gemini moon, capricorn rising,,, two air signs in my big three might scare u but trust my chart is earth dominant!!!! i promise!!!!

fav holiday: i love christmas! im not particularly religious, and i don’t consider myself christian or catholic like when i was a child, but i love the lights and the music and the gift-giving and general holiday cheer

last meal: lol i think i had a joint for dinner last night honestly. just forgot to eat and went straight to bed after smoking. i’m about to eat filipino spaghetti for breakfast though

current fav musician: faye webster (specifically jonny rn) and beyonce (all of renaissance has been on repeat since its release) and victoria monet (all of jaguar II is insane, grammy sweep i just know it)

last music listened to: probably ctrl (deluxe) by sza on my way home from work last night

last movie watched: taken, that action movie with liam neeson lmfao. but if we’re talkin movie theater viewing, it was the ballad of songbirds and snakes

last tv watched: i’ve been rewatching s2 of bridgerton. kate & anthony the couple that you are.

last book/fic finished: the last book was catching fire (i was rereading thg like the rest of the world) and the last fic i read was an unfinished sydcarmy fic i found literally an hour ago called all things go (all things go) everyone should read it, very good.

last book/fic abandoned: last book i abandoned was speak, okinawa. it’s a memoir about an asian girl’s struggling relationship with her mother and her culture. very good (and relatable) but extremely heavy so i took a pause on it.

currently reading: thg resurgence so i’m reading the ballad of songbirds and snakes, i didn’t get to finish it before watching the movie and i keep getting caught up so it’s taking forever to finish, but im almost done w it

last thing researched for art/writing: i haven’t full-fledged written for fandom in probably years. but i used to research a lot of fighting techniques cause i was deep in the my hero academia brain rot LMFAO

fav online fandom memory: i mostly inhabited twitter fandom spaces so in 2020 i was placed in a ship gc and i met one of my best friends on there <3 so i think that would be it

fav old fandom you wish would have a resurgence: the show is quite shit and not good at all but, for nostalgia reasons, i would love to see fairy tail (anime) have a resurgence. i bet the fics would be soooo top tier compared to when i was like 9 and reading fics on wattpad and ffnet

fav thing you enjoy that never had an active or big “fandom” but you wish it did: this is more to do w me being interested in things once hype dies down and less to do with a fandom actually being active or big, but i absolutely devoured s2 of bridgerton when i first saw it. and i read every single fic in that kathony tag.

tempting project you’re trying to reign in/don’t have time for: i don’t really write anymore and have stuck to silly posts and headcanon threads but i’ve had a pride and prejudice sydcarmy au stuck in my head for a couple days

this was fun now u know some of my life!!! im pretty sure @bioloyg tagged everyone that i come across in this fandom so ive got no one WHOMP but feel free to do this if u see it 😛

[yelenabelovq]

iii. the hatred of a minute | m.m.

series masterlist

summary: long nights begin being crowded by things you don't want to see materialize, after your legal battle runs its course. the question stands: can you fight your way out of this one? or will you finally fall?

playlist: permit the righteous to be moved | m.m.

word count: 3.6k

rating: 18+, swf, canon typical violence with a slight trigger warning for assault/SA (latter only mentioned in a medical sense), slight she-hulk spoilers

a/n: (playlist starts after if i'm being honest) this quote comes from an edgar allen poe passage, "years of love have been forgot, in the hatred of a minute." hello all! i know it's been like nine months since my last chapter and honestly i shouldn't promise any more consistent updates lmfao. i've moved twice (once cross country) since my past chapter and i'm moving out of state again in like two weeks. so life has been unreasonably crazy lately, but i watched she-hulk and when she said the accords were revoked i was like are you fr rn bc so much of this fic's plot was in fact based around the accords but also i hadn't been writing bc i didn't know what i wanted to so with it so honestly that little tweak in canon made me wanna overhaul the plot and start writing again so here i am!! this is still the bare bones of where i had planned on going with the series but with some changes so that i'll actually be invested in writing it lol and i hope y'all will be invested in reading it!! also shout out to the three people in my notes who reblogged the first two chapters like two days ago that finally made me start writing, yall are awesome. this is for u. (and she-hulk) (oh yeah also matt in she-hulk!! sexy af)

March 2024

Matt could smell your hangover.

Every inch of you was drenched in sweat and vodka and sick. You stumbled into the office of Nelson, Murdock, and Page a little after eleven, half reeling, and rendering Matt more than a little concerned. Foggy met you as you made it in the door, helping you to the small couch next to his desk.

“What the hell happened to you?” Foggy asked, tossing Matt a water bottle to hand to you.

“Have you seen, like, literally any public media source?”

Matt hummed, leaning against the desk across from you. “I did. Imagined you’d take it about this well, too.”

“Thought you couldn’t see, Murdock.”

Matt chuckled. “Good to know your humor’s still in tact.” He unscrewed the bottle an handed it to you. You took it, taking a long sip, then pressing your head to the back of the couch.

“How does, like, the law work?” you asked. “Can I sue? I wanna sue, or something. Get that asshole to put his shield down.”

Foggy laughed sympathetically, walking around to take a seat. He’d told Matt you would be coming in today only about an hour ago, detailing the phone call he’d had with Bucky Barnes. Apparently he’d fished around your purse until he found Foggy’s business card and called, asking if you could come in. Neither of them knew what the topic of your visit was, but after last night’s news spectacle, it wasn’t hard to guess. 

“That’s not how the law works, unfortunately,” Matt answered you. “Also, we’re defense lawyers.”

“Okay, and?”

“We don’t sue people.”

“We protect the people getting sued,” Foggy supplied.

“Assholes,” you mumbled, eyes sliding shut.

“So, what, did you raid a liquor store last night?” he asked, voice dancing with the odd mix of sympathy and humor.

“Tried to outdrink Bucky.”

“How well did that go?”

“Can’t remember a single thing after four p.m., but at least my hangover hurts worse than the news blasts I keep getting on my phone do.”

“You can turn those off, you know,” supplied Foggy helpfully.

“Fuck off, Nelson.” Matt laughed, suddenly acutely aware of the rip in your jeans where your skin poked through unhindered. You were crowding his senses for some reason. He pushed off the desk, walking around just to give himself something to do. He noted what was happening outside the window. Someone was walking a dog, a couple was arguing, a few honks from taxi drivers, the smell of you underneath all the liquor—

Knock it off, he thought. 

He paced back around to the opposite side of the desk, balancing himself on the edge. Your voice coated his thoughts as he tried to focus on what you and Foggy were saying. 

Foggy was explaining something about the legality of the Accords to you that Matt was struggling to catch on to. You swore at whatever he said. Matt let the conversation float over him as his senses crept out to the warmth of your skin and the softness of your voice and whatever shampoo you used that made you smell so good. He dug his nails into the wood of the desk below him, something solid to keep him from drifting into whatever made him like you so much. He knew he couldn’t, knew he shouldn’t, after the alarms went off in his mind the last time he walked you home and you’d leaned into his touch just a little too much. That bit of intimacy you’d offered him, the trust you were putting in him was misguided, unearned, and dangerous. Not with who he was. Not with who you were. 

So he denied himself, as any good Catholic would. 

He was brought back into reality when Foggy directed something at him. 

“What?” he stuttered, willing his brain to come up with something a little bit better. 

“Still with us?” Foggy laughed. 

You remarked, “I thought I was the one who was wrecked,” and he clenched his jaw. 

“My mind wandered.” He took a slow, deep breath. 

He couldn’t ignore the soft laugh you gave, or the way your pulse picked up with awareness under his focus. He could tell Foggy knew he was full of shit. "What did you say?"

"Do you think you could handle a neighborly visit?" Foggy asked.

Matt had no idea what he was talking about.

Thankfully, Foggy saved him the embarrassment of having to ask. "I'm going to do the best I can to figure out how to get around this once Bucky Barnes gets in contact with Sam Wilson. I think you should pay a visit to Mr. Walker."

Matt huffed and shifted from foot to foot. "Um, why?"

"Trying to prevent a murder," he answered dryly, then pointed a finger at you. "You are not to make contact with Walker. At all. I don't care. Relay that message to Bucky as well."

You sighed and rolled your eyes, letting your head lull back onto the couch. Your hair fell away from your neck, exposing more of your skin to the air. No more deep breaths.

"I think it can be arranged," Matt said.

He felt you tense, like you were making to get up, but you didn't move. Matt rounded the desk again, offering his arm to you. "Let's get you home."

You took it, letting him half-haul you up off the couch and into a standing position. Your skin was so soft. "Coffee?" he asked.

"You buying?"

He smirked at you, then turned his attention to Foggy. "Send any updated you find?'

Matt could tell Foggy was giving him a look that he was hoping you weren't picking up on, powers or not. You let yourself be escorted out the door, down the stairs, and out of the building, the entire time not letting go of Matt's arm.

New York liked to pretend to have spring. There was snow on the ground, and the temperature was barely breaking 65, in a way that let non-locals believe there might be some warmer weather up ahead. He knew better, though. He knew New York would stay icy for a long while longer.

He walked along the streets covered with melting snow, dodging tourists and kids checking out colleges on spring break. No one paid him a second thought. People were too busy thinking about themselves. Everyone is always only ever thinking about themselves.

Even when there was so much hurt in the world. So much that needed to be fixed and yet everyone chooses to think only about themselves. Everyone chooses to ignore the help they could give others and instead make it about them. So selfish, he thought. But he wasn't selfish. He thought about other people. He thought about the betterment of other people. Of a community.

That's why it took him so long to pick the perfect person. He didn't want to call her a victim. A pretty blonde in a pinstripe suit. She had just hung up the phone. Perfect, he thought. She wasn't a victim, no. Even as she thrashed and kicked as he came down hard with a hand over her mouth and dragged her into the alleyway just to his right. She wasn't a victim, she was the beginning to the betterment of a community. Of the world.

He pushed the needle into her skin, letting the dosage sink into the muscle of her arm. He'd had to tear her pretty blazer. He was sure she'd be fine with it if she knew. If she knew she was the beginning to a better community.

She lost her fight as the dose made its way through her system, slowly slumping in his arms as he lowered her to the ground, and he left her there to wake up later, making his way back into the sidewalk as if nothing had happened.

"Are you sure they're going to let you in in your condition?"

You laughed, still clinging to Matt's arm as you both made your way to the hospital. He'd insisted on ensuring you made it there safely, despite your protests. It's either this or the rooftops, he's said. He'd bought you coffee. You figured you could start your shift off on the right foot.

"They don't care what state I'm in as long as I can change a bedpan and start and IV," you remarked.

Mat laughed, and you liked the sound. "Let me know if you ever want to unionize."

"We're med students, Matt, I'm not even a real employee."

"That... sounds like it should break some labor laws."

You screwed up your face. "Gotta learn somehow. There could be worse ways. Than legalized slavery."

"Oh no," Matt said around another one of those pretty laughs. God. Go back to when you hated him, you thought. It was so much easier than thinking he was beautiful. And God, was he.

"I'll be fine," you stated, trying (and failing) to stop staring at him in the glistening springtime air. "Couple more cups of coffee and I'll be human-shaped again. Or, med student-shaped. How about you go out there and make sure we don't get any stabbings or GSWs? I want a quiet night."

"I'll try my best," he said, releasing your arm so he could slide his hand up and down it. What a gentleman, warming you up. So polite.

You stood there in silence, trying to come up with something to say maybe to extend the moment, or maybe a dig to make it not as incredibly obvious as it felt that you really enjoyed his company. Before you got the chance, a scrub-clad energy ball launched at you.

"You gotta come in here, we got a chick with some weird-ass symptoms, right up your alley. Come do your funky thing." He shivered. "God, it is freezing out here."

"Derek, no, that's not how this works and you know it." You sighed, closing your eyes, and digging your phone, which had begun ringing, out of your coat pocket.

"It is now," Derek said, smiling like he was sharing an inside joke with you. His smile faltered when he realized you were entirely lost. "You didn't see? I thought you would be jumpin' for joy."

"See what, Perez?" you asked, funneling every inch of exasperation into the question.

"The Accords got revoked. You get to be super doc."

"What?" you and Matt snapped in unison.

You looked down at your phone to see Foggy calling and thrust the phone up to your ear.

"Is it true?" you demanded at the same time Foggy said, "I have the best news ever!"

You heard him laugh on the other end of the line. "No more collar or leash for you, baby! The Accords were just revoked for American citizens!"

"Is he serious?" Matt asked you in a low voice.

You felt like you were going to pass out.

"I knew this had been in the works in congress but I didn't want to get my hopes up, but it's happening, baby!" Foggy was going on.

"What?" you snapped.

"Effective immediately, you are no longer required to sign the Accords. No leash, no monitoring. Go have fun."

"I would definitely still check with your higher-ups before using your abilities at work," Matt supplied.

"Is that Matt? Matt, you asshole, I've been calling you for like 10 minutes!"

"Dude," Derek said, "you've gotta come see this girl."

You were frozen in place, frozen with shock until you felt Matt's hand come to rest on the small of your back. You took a shuddering breath. "So, I'm free?"

"You're free," Foggy said gently.

You hung up the phone without saying goodbye, and turned to Matt. "I should get in there." Patients first, feelings later.

"Have a good evening," Matt said, his hand falling from your back. "Text me when you get home.

You knew damn well he would know when you got home without you texting him. But you didn't say anything. Instead, you turned back to Derek as he walked away and you forced yourself not to let your gaze follow him.

"Do I have time to get scrubs?"

"This chick is wild, okay," Derek began, ignoring your question. "I'd just gotten in when she came in. Flu-like symptoms, so the docs put her on me, right? Turns out, she was assaulted walking to work. All shaken up. I went to go get the kit, but she kept refusing, thought she'd probably feel safer with a female doc. So I offered up one of the interns, but she refused again. Said she was conscious for the entire attack, and all that happened was this guy stuck a needle in her arm and left her on the ground." He kept talking as you rounded the corner into the locker room. "Scumbag, right? I wasn't sure I believed her, but she let me do a physical exam and the only signs of struggle were on her face and neck. And her arm, where the needle went in. So she's telling the truth. And here's the catch. Tox screen is nuts."

You shrugged on your white coat. "How so?"

"Lit up like a Christmas tree," Derek said, shaking his head. "Amphetamine, opiates, benzos, tylenol, you name it."

You raised your brow at him. "Wow."

"And get this, she's bleeding from every line we give her. I tried to put in an IV, blew the vein."

"You're bad at IV's."

"Not that bad," he said indignantly. "But even Mar tried, and the line started bleeding. Mar! Best nurse in this place botched an IV. Doc Cohen tried to put in a central line, more bleeding. Her pressure was skyrocketing every time we tried too."

"That would sense," you said following him further into the ER. "Eight million drugs in someone's system ought to thin the blood."

"Yeah but we get at least a central line on druggies. Besides, she doesn't have any past drug use history. Her lines are clean, man." He led you to a private room towards the back of the ER. You pushed open the door with a sigh.

There was a young girl on the bed, two bloody bandages around her arms and a bandage across her chest. She was pretty, twenty-something with her blonde hair falling out of a ponytail at the back of her head. There was what looked like a designer bag and pinstripe pants discarded in the corner, the matching jacket in an evidence bag.

"Hannah Edwards, this is one of my colleagues, she's gonna do a much better job of figuring this out than we are," Derek supplied as you walked farther into the room.

You introduced yourself with as much smile as you could muster, sitting down next to the bed. "Don't sell her lies, Dr. Perez, please. How are you feeling?"

"Like a human pin cushion with a nasty flu," Hannah said with a weak smile.

"Can you tell me when you started getting the flu symptoms?" you asked.

"Like, fifteen minutes after the guy got me. I laid on the floor, not able to move for like ten minutes. When I got up, I started to go home, but I got, like, super dizzy and feverish five minutes later, so I came here instead."

"You were paralyzed?" you asked.

"I guess?" Hannah shrugged. "I got really groggy for a while and then when I tried to move, everything felt super heavy. It took me, like, ten minutes, like I said, to get up and move. Then I felt all dizzy and came here."

"Good thing," you said. You let your ability reach out ever so slightly, creeping out to touch whatever weird sickness surrounded her.

You jumped back.

"What, what is it?" Hannah asked.

"Dr. Perez, could I see that tox screen please?"

Derek handed you the paper. "Told you, there's almost so much on there that it's unusable."

"She shouldn't be upright with all of this in her system. Have you had any vomiting, Hannah?" You read the tox report again and again, begging the number to make sense but--Hannah Edwards should be dead right now if this were true.

"Just a little nausea," Hannah answered.

"Temp's been bouncing between 100 and 102," Derek said from behind you. "That's the third tox I ran. Same result every time."

You stood up, turning to meet his eye. "Let's get this shit out of her system, please."

You walked out of the room, almost slamming face-first into your resident as the door shut behind you.

"Did you do your thing?" Dr. Cohen asked.

"I, uh--"

"She started to, but something weird happened, huh?" Derek supplied. He'd seen you break the rules with your mutation once or twice or enough to tell when you did.

"It was weird. Like her sick pushed against me. She has so much in her system she should be dead or close to it, but there's something to keep her standing," you told them.

"Which is?" Cohen asked.

"I... don't know."

"Okay, so go find out." Cohen flashed her brown eyes between you and Hannah.

You sighed and shook your head before shutting your eyes and willing the hustle and bustle of the ER to go quiet for just a moment. You let your ability reach out once again, tendrils of invisible power creeping toward Hannah in her bed. You let it lace through every drug in her system, finding familiar things like acetaminophen and penicillin, the odd things like an antidepressant, and the less familiar things you were assuming were things like cocaine and meth, until you found... nothing.

"There's nothing there."

Derek and Cohen stared at you.

"What?" Derek asked.

"All that must be a front. She just has the flu." You looked between the puzzled expression the two shared.

"A flu that came on in less than fifteen minutes," Cohen supplied.

"I'm not saying that's all it is, or all that's gonna develop." You shoved the chart back into Derek's hands. "You should admit her for observation. I need a cup of coffee."

Your phone rang again hours later and as it flashed on the table of the breakroom, you found yourself hesitant to answer.

"Hi, Matt," you said as you brought the phone up to your ear.

"Good evening," he said, his voice silky and husky and you wanted to hang up.

"Hi."

"Are you walking home tonight?"

"Alone," you said. Not the smartest idea, all things considered, but you knew when someone was going to sneak up on you. You were an Avenger for fuck's sake. You could walk home alone tonight.

His voice dropped imperceptibly lower. "What happened?"

"Nothing," you said, carefully keeping emotion out of your voice. "Busy night. And, plus, I don't really need a lawyer anymore, since the Accords were revoked. So."

Matt laughed dryly, and you felt like you could imagine his face on the other end of the phone. He sighed. "You know I can hear your heartbeat through the phone, right?"

"You're so full of shit."

"You're lying to me. Why are you blowing me off?"

"Cause I'm a big girl, Murdock!" You dragged a hand over your face. Attachment was not your style, even Steve knew that, but this guy was making that very difficult. "I don't need you trying to sneak into my bed every night."

"You have got to stop with the lying, it's getting you nowhere with me."

You screwed up your face. "Goodbye, Matt." And you hung up the phone.

Matt was not having a good night. 

He went out on patrol like he did most nights. Like you told him to that night. That was where he'd called you from, a rooftop in Hell's kitchen. Maybe he did go seeking out trouble. Getting into fights he didn't need to be in. He wasn't unaccustomed to getting his ass kicked. No one knew more than Matt Murdock what pavement tasted like. What differed tonight from most nights, though, was the level at which he got his ass kicked. 

Whatever he was stuck with, it knocked him on his ass for a good ten minutes. Groggy and disorienting, like every cell was magnetized to the floor. His throat hurt, probably a symptom of being out in the cold all night. Even Daredevil wasn't immune to the common cold. He hauled himself off the floor with great effort, shocked his assailant left him there, and a little upset with himself he let the guy get away.

He was beaten and bruised and thoroughly feverish as he sat on the subway to Brooklyn.

He didn't want to show up on your doorstep. And you'd made it very clear you didn't want anything to do with him. But he was tired, and everything ached, and if anyone could fix his potentially broken rib, it would be you.

So, no, he didn't really blame you for the shock when you opened the door to your condo and found him slumped against the doorframe.

"Matt?" Your voice was high and indignant.

"I don't--" He fell forward, and you caught him taking off his mask.

"What the hell happened?" you demanded.

"Lost a fight," he managed, letting you guide him to the couch. He felt... some sort of tickle. Something that relaxed his muscles and felt soft, like how he imagined your skin felt.

"Matt, what the hell? Who did you get in a fight with?"

"I don't--" He grunted in pain, then relief as the pain in his ribs subsided.

He felt your face contort in pain, and your breath hitch.

"Don't--" he started.

"What happened?" you tried again.

His body started to feel light, so light, as if he were floating. Then he felt you slump against him, and suddenly, sleep was grabbing at his senses. He tried his hardest to resist it, tried to shake you awake, but he just ended up falling asleep, a hand snaking into your hair.

[pumpkinspice-prouvaire]

Enjolferre deserve indeed more epic fics, you're right. In consolation, do you have any headcanons about them?

they deserve so many fics and they deserve to be soft and deserve to be in love. I am writing the fic I want to see in the world. Should take between a week and 11 months

Consolation Enjolferre headcanons below:

It took forever for the two of them to finally fall in love. Combeferre is very very aroace spec, and for a long time he thought his feelings for Enjolras were the same platonic feelings he'd always had. It was only after talking to Courfeyrac when he was like "Everyone wants to have hour long make out sessions with their best friend! Right! Right?????" And Courf was like. Combeferre. Do you want to make out with me. And Ferre was like oh shit.

Meanwhile, Enjolras is very very arospec, so his realisation is a lot less "I want to make out with my best friend" and a lot more bolting upright in the middle of the night like "I want to fall asleep next to my best friend and wake up next to him and hold his hand and maybe also marry him for reasons that aren't tax related?????? I don't know what to do with this????!!!!!"

Courfeyrac is so tired of getting middle of the night calls from both of them. Just kiss, you morons.

(I can't be bothered explaining how they actually end up together lmfao so consider this a timeskip placeholder)

Their first date was very simple and sweet but it had a somewhat unexpected ending. They were walking back from the restaurant and some guy trips and smacks his head off the pavement right in front of them so Combeferre had to go into Doctor Sexy MD mode right there in the middle of the street while Enjolras sat on a wall 20 metres away because medical stuff makes him kind of queasy lol

Enjolras is the one person who can locate Combeferre's glasses at all times. Ferre literally just has to say "Where are my-" and they're already being handed to him, unfolded and cleaned.

So many stupid little inside jokes. Someone will make an offhand comment about cucumbers or something and Ferre will turn and raise his eyebrows and Enjolras will be stifling giggles into his palm, and no one else has any idea what is going on. They don't bother trying to explain- You just had to be there

They date for three months and then one day they just decide "Marriage for tax reasons? Marriage for tax reasons." Good for them.

Everyone thinks they're kind of an odd couple because their idea of date night is going to the library together and stopping off to volunteer at the soup kitchen on their way home, and they're also not the most physically affectionate of people, but they also exude this warmth together that nine times out of ten, people can tell they're together just from looking at them interacting

[lilac-5ky]

As cliche as it may sound can i get a headcanon or imagine for Takasugi-kun who's strolling in the streets of edo accidentally bumps into the supposed to be dead reader (he saw her died at joui war) and she don't have any memories of him :) how will he react when he saw his lover again?

A/N: I could literally write a book with just this storyline lmfao there is something very appealing about heartbreak ;-; Funnily enough this turned out to be like a belated birthday gift to you since it took me a million years to finish, but hey happy birthday :p

Warning: This is obviously angst. Mentions of blood, depression, alcohol and smoking are included. Oh and, not really a warning but, THIS IS VERY VERY VERY LONG. Longest request I've written.

Takasugi with a presumably dead S/O reappearing in his life

Throughout the history of mankind, it's been evident that humans enjoyed observing the things around them. From studying the nature in the form of bird or flower watching, to spending hours upon hours of watching programs in their little black boxes; everyone had their vice. Takasugi was no different. Perhaps more so than others, one of the things he enjoyed the most was people watching.

There’s so much you can discover about a person just by studying them in their natural environment. How they talk, how they walk, their gestures, their laughter, all those little things reveal a great deal of information. A man who walks with his hands behind his back tends to be secretive, whereas a girl who points her shoes at the one she’s discussing with is most likely interested in them.

Takasugi always took his time noticing and analyzing such patterns. In a line of work where everyone was out to get him, picking up on these subtle cues came to be his shield of protection. After all, his intuition had yet to fail him.

While he did find some enjoyment in this hobby of his, more often than not, the conclusions he came up with disgusted him. Why was it that everyone appeared so carefree and lively when they had to share their land with the Amanto or, even worse, those filthy Bakufu dogs at the top? How could they possibly forget about what was taken from them, what was lost in the war? How could they afford to live so shamelessly, going about their days with smiles on their faces? Sometimes, he felt as if he was the only one who remembered, the only one whose wounds had yet to heal.

After such sessions, all he was left with was utter bitterness, directed at no one and everyone all at once. He detested that the world had somehow managed to move on when he was left all by himself in the past. There was no place for him to stand and breathe freely anymore. A passerby among passersby, that’s all he was. Just like the family of three that walked to his left, just like the old man selling takoyaki to his right, and just like the woman who-

“I’m so sorry!” The woman bowed. Her hands were clasped together, frantically moving up and down as if she meant to atone for the great sin of bumping into him.

“I’m terribly sorry, I really am, I’m just in a great hurry! If I don’t share these by evening, I’ll lose my job.” She went on, dropping to her knees.

An assortment of purple colored fliers had spread all around, some being carried around by the wind while the majority were scattered on the ground surrounding the two.

Looking down at her, an odd sense of familiarity rushed over him. A curtain of ruffled hair was obscuring her features, making it impossible for him to take a proper look at her face, yet he could swear this wasn’t his first time meeting with her.

Though she was the one who bumped into him, Takasugi ended up lowering himself beside her, using the fliers as an excuse to sate his curiosity. He picked the ones that were over to his side, stacking them up in a pile.

“Here.”

“Thank you so much! Once again I’m terribly sorry and, uh, please, feel free to keep one of these for a free drink!” The woman said, handing one of the fliers back to him.

The second her fingers touched his, it was as if time froze around them, or rather, as if time sent him to a bygone era, one that lived in his memories alone.

“Gotcha!” The girl said, waving his stolen headband before his eyes.

In a rapid dash, she moved out of his sight, her chuckle echoing through the endless rows of trees. She was always like that, seemingly doing everything and anything in her power to inconvenience him. His expressions were too funny; that was her reasoning and perhaps she was right. There was no malice in his glares, no real animosity that was meant for her. Though he never admitted it, the little games she put up were quite entertaining for him too.

Even when he finally caught up to her, his arms caging her body in a tight embrace, she never stopped laughing, not even for a second. He couldn’t remember what he was trying to do. Retrieve the headband? Hold her close? Time had hazed his memory in a mist, yet the one thing he was able to remember was her face. The eyes he adored staring into; the lips he adored kissing; the hair he adored caressing; everything that defined her.

Suddenly, she stopped putting up a fight, her limbs dropping on top of his arms as she turned around to face him.

“How do I look?” She asked with a smug smile, showing off the headband that was wrapped around her forehead.

Stunning as always, he thought.

“You look like you’ll never grow up.” He muttered in a stern tone. After all, his thoughts rarely matched his words when she was involved, a fact he came to terribly regret.

This face… could it be her?

He was now standing in the middle of the battlefield, the vile stench of blood and smoke numbing his senses as he moved through the countless corpses and rubble. Nothing but pain and anguish remained in the once lively village. Everything was reduced to ashes thanks to Amanto technology.

Following the explosion, a constant ringing vibrated in his ears, only falling second to the cries of a child and the shrieks of an elderly woman. No one was able to predict such calamity, not his men and certainly not him.

With each step Takasugi took, the lump in his throat increased in size, a foolish hope being the one thing that kept his legs moving forward. He’d barely realized what had just happened, barely aware of what he was searching for until his steps came to a halt. A white headband -one identical to the one he was sporting- was flowing with the wind between the rubble, confirming his worst fears at once.

Before he knew it, he was on his knees, cradling your ashen face between his fingers. Your eyes were semi-closed, blood running from the corners of your mouth. He looked at you, unable to grasp the reality that lied before him, the reality that he was about to lose you.

“Sh-Shinsuke.” A cough cut his name in half. “You came.” A frail attempt at a smile only worsened things for you, blood spewing onto his jacket.

“As I thought, it always looked best on you-” You said, your fingers trailing all the way up to his face before slowly dropping to your side.

“What are you talking about?” He failed to hide his fury. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not to him and certainly not to you.

“Y/N.” He spoke your name in a softer tone, but you didn’t reply.

“Y/N!” He called out again, hoping that his voice had simply gone unregistered amidst the chaos surrounding him.

“Oi, Y/N! Pull yourself together!”

By the third time, he was yelling at you, violently shaking your body to no avail.

Refusing to give up, Takasugi took your hand in his, desperately trying to get a hold of you. He squeezed at it harder and harder, as if he could keep you to life with sheer strength alone, but it was already too late. No pulse, no nothing. You were just gone.

“Takasugi, we need to go! There might be more coming, get out of there!” Even Katsura’s voice wasn’t enough to snap him out of it.

For a mere second, he wished to quit. He had seen enough carnage for a lifetime and he was tired. What were they fighting for? What was it all for if they couldn’t even protect a minuscule mountain village? How could they possibly save an entire country or, hell, even the whole world? The thought sickened him. At the moment, all he wanted to do was lie next to you, beg you to take him to wherever it was you were going.

No matter how much he wanted to do just that, Takasugi realized that such a luxury was one he could never afford. Not when so many people depended on him, not when he knew what giving up meant. No matter what, he had to keep going, with or without you. This was unfair. So unfair.

He leaned closer, his fingers slightly trembling as he pulled the headband off your forehead, replacing it with the cleaner one he was wearing. His words from that day held a different meaning now that he came to realize; you were never going to grow up. The life he dreamed with you was extinguished in a flash.

Bringing a hand to your chin, he rubbed at your skin carefully, trying his best to remove the blood from your face. You nearly looked as if you were sleeping, he thought to himself, a heartbreaking thought that only fueled the tears in his eyes.

Katsura’s yells were clearer now, meaning that he was approaching, but Takasugi was not done. He had to do this. Even when he was unable to share his true feelings with you, he needed to make sure that he could do this one thing properly, that he could give you the goodbye you deserved.

His palm made its way onto your forehead, slightly lingering before dropping above your eyes, shutting them once and for all. He glanced down at his other hand, taking a good look at the headband he retrieved. Its edges were painted in a bright scarlet color, blood having seeped through the fabric, your blood. Without thinking twice, Takasugi clenched his fist around the material, shoving it in his pocket. This was the only keepsake he could have of you, a reminder and proof of your existence.

With a sigh, he laid your body back down onto the ground, thinking that this was the last moment you shared.

Yet…could it be that it wasn’t? Could it be that this blood was fake? Could it be that those tears were fake? Could it be that the person whose eyes he closed were never yours? Could it be that the woman in front of him was, as a matter of fact, you?

By the time Takasugi snapped back to reality, the pink color of your kimono had nearly faded into the distance, leaving him utterly confused as to what he’d just experienced. He could call you out, run after you, yet looking at the flier in his hand, he got a better idea.

“Snack Smile bar? What a lackluster name.” He muttered, crumbling the paper in his fist.

“Come in, come in! Heaven’s sigh’s girls will leave you sighing!”

“Boss, how about a drink with us? We promise to take good care of you.”

“Would you like a nurse to check on your vitals or an officer to apprehend you? Whatever your fantasy, we can grant it!”

The empty promises of the hostesses served as ambient sound to Takasugi’s ears while he strolled through Kabukicho. With his hat lowered before his eyes, he attempted to blend in with the crowd, stealing a glance at the signs of the buildings as he passed them by. Many had the word bar or snack in their name, yet no writing matched the one in his flier.

If he was being honest with himself, he was unsure of what he was trying to do. Obviously, he was looking for you, but what good could possibly come out of it? Perhaps your encounter had been brief, giving you no time to realize who it was, but even so, there was no way you were unable to recognize him. Either you played dumb for whatever reason he failed to pinpoint, or he was once again chasing after the ghosts of his past. Whatever the case was, he needed an answer.

After what felt like an eternity, he finally found himself outside Snack Smile. A girl in a peachy kimono was standing by the door, calling out to any passerby who seemed interested enough to take a peek at the place. Her smile was bright, though it lacked verity. If anything, it looked as if she was trying to keep people away, rather than invite them in.

“My, are you new here? I don’t think we’ve seen your face before, dear customer.” She directed him with a sweet tone. “Please come in and we’ll make sure to turn that frown upside down!”

What am I even doing here, Takasugi pondered to himself. This was obviously a mistake.

Reluctantly, he brought two fingers to his hat, tipping it forward as a means of agreement. If anything, he was so close to his goal that he might as well walk the walk. The girl caught onto his gesture, beckoning for him to follow her to the entrance.

Unlike the rest of his subordinates and his comrades from the war, Takasugi wasn’t overly fond of such places. His visits to Yoshiwara or cabaret bars were numbered, mostly limited to the carefully timed opportunities he created to strike beneficial business deals. There were only so many men who could resist the cheap thrills a woman offered. Combine that with alcohol and you earned yourself an agreeable ally.

To be fair, Takasugi preferred his partners sober enough, turning to such tactics only when the occasion demanded it. On the contrary, when it came down to him personally, well, he found no reason to be visiting such places all by himself. He spared no time to play around with ignorant little girls, though somehow, he had now managed to surround himself with a dozen of them.

Tall, short, blonde, brunette, lean and curvy; every type of girl with conventional beauty had gathered up around him, pulling him towards an empty booth. They were so eager to tend to his whims, oblivious to the fact that he was feeling rather uncomfortable with their touch-y and intrusive behavior. They had completely misread his intentions, but then again, who visits hostess bars without indulging?

In an attempt to make him feel more comfortable, a girl grabbed onto the strings of his hat, his hand removing hers in time. It wasn’t as if he could afford to be spotted and arrested here, of all places.

“Master, what will you have?” One of the girls cooed in his ear.

“You are so good looking, won’t you have a drink with us?” The second girl chimed in after his lack of a response.

“What about some Dom Peri? Would that be to your tastes?” Another one followed.

That’s right. If he stood there without even ordering, he’d attract even more attention to himself. Sighing, Takasugi fished the crumbled up paper from inside his pocket, sliding it across the table.

“Oh, you have one of those? Let me show you how our reward system works!” The first girl, a blonde with a dark blue kimono suggested, scooting closer to him.

“Every time you visit our bar, you get a stamp, slowly unlocking milestones with certain rewards. The first one is a free drink of your choice, and then when you reach this one.” She paused, pointing at the middle of the paper. “You get the chance to play Uno with one of our girls, how exciting!”

Is that how hostess bars operate?

“The final reward is a free bottle of our finest Dom Peri, one that isn’t even watered down!”

Takasugi crooked an eyebrow, unable to tell whether this was some sort of deliberate joke or if this was an actual reward system they had set up. Uno nights and watered down bottles of champagne, was this really what Edo had turned into?

“How many visits till that Uno session?”

“Oh, you are interested?” Not in particular. “It’s five visits and you can choose any of the girls to play with. Will you choose me?” The same girl asked, batting her eyelashes at him.

Any girl, huh…

Though he’d been seated for at least five minutes, none of the girls around him, nor the ones that served the customers in the other booths bore any resemblance to you. Could he be mistaken?

The blonde kept pestering him, her one arm locked around his elbow, with her other hand rubbing at his shoulder. His patience was wearing thin, but causing a scene wouldn’t fix anything. After all, she was merely doing her job.

“Sake.” Takasugi said, hoping that her departure could at least get him some room for breathing.

Surely enough, the girl jumped on her feet, the other two maintaining their distance all the while eyeing him.

All of a sudden, the loud thump of a glass breaking forced his attention to shift to the bar. A man with his arms crossed over his chest was barking at a girl, something about salaries and final mistakes. Repeatedly, she bowed her head up and down, her clasped hands moving in sync with the rest of her body. She was frantic, spelling out one ‘sorry’ after the other. Eventually, the man, presumably the owner of this place, raised his hand to dismiss her, stepping away from the scene.

The girl stood in place, only turning around after she was left alone. The second Takasugi got a proper look at her face, the same feeling he’d felt earlier reappeared; the same sensation of having the air sucked out of his lungs was back. It was her, the girl from before, that girl… you.

“What a klutz.” The brunette next to him exclaimed with a scoff.

“I know, right? When will she finally learn? Boss is too lenient with her.” The second brunette sighed.

“I guess what they say is right, the pretty ones sure have it easy.”

“What’s with that girl?” Takasugi inquired.

“What? Her? She came about 5 years ago I think.” The blonde from earlier had returned, setting a tray of glasses and alcohol on top of the table. “She is such a weirdo, other than her appearance there’s not much going on with her. Just because she has a few regulars, she thinks she is someone, but truth is, she’s just a lost cause. A nobody.”

She poured a drink for Takasugi, then handed the rest of the glasses to the other girls. Bringing it to her lips, she downed it in one go.

“You know, there is something seriously wrong with her.”

Takasugi tilted his head towards the brunette to his left. It looked like both these girls held some sort of grudge against their coworker and while hearing them badmouth you irked him, he wished to find out why.

“When she first came here, she wouldn’t even give us her name. Claimed she had no recollection of that nor her past, but if you ask me, she is hiding something. Or else she wouldn’t put up with all the names people give her.”

“Aho-chan, Hidoi-chan, Kagome-chan, that’s how she goes by. What a pitiful creature.” The third girl commented, tipping her glass between her fingers.

No name and no background. That certainly was strange, though it would suffice as an explanation. Whatever happened to you back then, the only way for you to be unable to recognize him or seek him out in the first place, would be for your memory to get wiped out. An unlike scenario, but it was what it was.

“Now girls, let’s not bore our customer with such tedious talk. Master, whatever it is that you want, this girl won’t be able to deliver. Me on the other side…” The blonde mewled into his ear, one finger running along the hem of his yukata.

“How much?” Takasugi asked with a forced smile.

“Hmm?”

“How much should I give for you to keep your hands off ?”

The girl was stunned, her confident act dropping at once. Hesitantly, she retrieved her hand, returning to her own seat without any protest.

“That’s so mean, master.” She frowned, an awkward chuckle following her words.

Takasugi reached a hand inside his clothes, dropping a handful of bills on the table. He peered at the expressions of the girls; half disturbed, half excited at the sight of the money. They were all doing their best to keep their distance from him, scared of receiving the same treatment their friend did. Good leeches.

“This should be more than enough to cover your entire shifts. Leave.” Takasugi dismissed them.

Obeying, the three of them reached out to the table, each gathering their share before walking away.

“Not you.” He nodded at the blonde with his glass.

“Oh? Have you changed your mind, mas-”

“Add four more stamps to this, if you wish for a bonus.” He said, pushing the flier in her direction.

“But-

“This isn’t a request.” He cut her off, deliberately glancing down at the sword around his waist.

The girl slid a hand inside her pouch, pulling a red stamp out. Fortunately, she was smart enough to understand that he wasn't in the mood for playing around.

A game of uno wasn’t much of a reward, but adding you to the equation, he was left with no choice. If his theory was correct, then by his next visit, all the pieces to the puzzle would come together, or so he hoped.

“Please come again.” She muttered with next to zero enthusiasm, leaving his sight along with her bonus.

At last, silence.

For the rest of the night, Takasugi remained in the booth all by himself. A couple of girls attempted to approach him, though his previous companions managed to spread the word in time. ‘He is dangerous, he is crazy, he is… boring.’ He didn’t need to hear them to imagine the kind of things they were whispering to each other’s ears. After all, he was no stranger to such unimaginative discrimination.

A long while passed, and soon the only ones in the bar were him and a couple of merchants in the far back. Despite having consumed far more alcohol than the free drink he had been promised, he was feeling quite sober, his mind focused solely on you.

Following the accident you caused, your boss assigned you to a new post, forcing you to be on the move between the bar and the storage room. Each time you entered with a new crate, your expression seemed wearier than before, your legs on the verge of giving out. Judging from past experiences, lifting weights was never your forte.

Takasugi smiled right before his lips touched the glass. Some things never change.

By the time he finished his final drink, the bar had been completely emptied out, giving him the perfect opportunity to act out. He fixed his hat and clothes, propping his arm onto the hilt of his sword while he sluggishly made his way out of the store. He had no clue where said storage room was, but the probability of it being just past the back alley was pretty high.

It was dark and he couldn’t see much, the distant neon lights being the sole source of light. He could only stumble around, until his foot hit a crate, sending it flying towards a brick wall. The impact was followed by a shriek, one loud enough to obscure every and any sound that came from the bustling city. 

Realizing what happened, Takasugi stepped in, his hands reaching out just in time to capture the falling champagne bottles from your hands.

“Thank you so much!" The voice exclaimed, belonging to none other than you.

If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have tripped in the first place.

Picking up on some of the bottles, he did his best to share the burden equally between the two of you. They were quite heavy, he realized, three of them being enough to weigh him down. There was no way you could manage such a task all by yourself.

On the way to the front door, you kept asking him to let go, assuring him that he’d already done enough, but he was having none of it. He even assisted you with putting them back on the shelves, ignoring your pleas to let go. He wasn't helping you for the sake of helping you; he just couldn't stand the sound of another glass shattering. Or at least, that’s how he justified his actions.

After everything was in place and your duty was fulfilled, Takasugi excused himself, seeing no more reason to stick around. Having a conversation without getting the chance to rationalize this absurdity would not end well.

“It’s you, isn’t it?” Your voice made him freeze in his stead.

“You remember?”

“Of course I do!” He turned around, his eye searching for yours in the darkness.

“I’m so sorry for bumping into you earlier and running away like this.” He felt his own heart sinking, the glimmer of hope disappearing as fast as it appeared.

Even if it was dark, your face was perfectly visible to him. Everything appeared to be the same as he remembered, as if not even a day had gone by since he last saw you. Everything but your eyes, that was. You used to look at him with such endearment and affection, such that was enough to thaw his icy exterior without any effort, but now that's gone. You bore the eyes of a stranger looking at another stranger.

“Are you from around here? What’s your name?”

“Shinsuke.”

“Shinsuke huh… that’s such a nice name. Don’t think I’ve met anyone who goes by that before.”

“I… see.” Hearing his name coming out of his lips stirred something within him. He had missed that sound more than he could ever admit.

“What brings you here, Shinsuke-san?”

“I was looking for someone. A woman.” He specified.

“Hm? Have you come here for one of our girls? Who is it?”

“Y/N.” It had been so long since he’d last called your name out, especially to your face. Part of him hoped that hearing it would have the same effect for you as it did for him.

“Y/N… I don’t think there is anyone working for us with such a name. Could it be that she gave you a stage name or nickname?”

He was unsure of what to answer. Such a charade was ridiculous.

“I guess the person I’m looking for doesn’t exist anymore.” Takasugi mumbled, turning his back on you. There was no point in trying. The woman he once loved was gone. It was about time he accepted that.

As he was about to leave, his sleeve getting tugged downwards caught his attention. A pair of delicate fingers were holding onto it, with another pair of pleading orbs staring right into his.

“Some girls do that. They give fake names because the owners don’t allow us to give our real names to clients. I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by that. You said her name was Y/N, right? I’ll try asking around to see what I can find.”

“There’s no need for that.” He attempted to leave, yet your clutching kept him in place.

“I want to help! Compensation for crashing into you and uh… a thank you for your assistance.”

Takasugi placed his hand on top of yours, briefly stuttering at the softness of your knuckles before he pulled your fingers off his sleeve. Your persistence was making things harder for him, another leftover trait of your past self. This wasn’t you, he reminded himself. A person with no memories was not themselves anymore. This wasn’t you, this wasn’t you, this wasn’t—

“Come again soon, Shinsuke-san!”

Even when his steps were taking him away from you, Takasugi realized that sooner than later they’d be bringing him back.

“Uno!” You cheerfully proclaimed, slamming a wild draw four card on top of the pile.

Takasugi shook his head as he scattered his cards across the table, an assortment of green and yellow clashing with the dark cedar. This was the fifth round you’d won in a row and although he didn’t want to admit defeat, perhaps going for so long without playing the game had turned him rusty. He used to beat you with such ease back in the day that he wasn’t prepared to face any sort of resistance. Could it be that he was more preoccupied with figuring out what had happened, or did your amnesia come with a streak of luck?

“Again.” With gritted teeth, Takasugi shuffled and stacked the cards once more. He wasn’t intending to end this on a loss. Besides, the reward didn’t specify how many rounds of Uno he could play.

Dealing seven cards to each of you, he took his time to study your expression. Your eyes darted between your hands, a loose smile hanging upon your lips that he couldn’t decode. Was it possible that you had another draw four? Nah, that couldn’t be it right? Unless you cheated, there was no such way.

Before you started the round, you reached a hand to the sake bottle, pouring the two of you another set of drinks whilst holding onto the cards with the other. Unsurprisingly enough, you ended up spilling more alcohol outside rather than inside the glasses, making a mess out of the table. What a lousy hostess.

As he was about to take a sip, your chuckle forced him to turn around.

“Is this your first time playing, Shinsuke-san? You’re pretty awful at this.” You exclaimed in a gleeful tone, bringing the glass to your lips.

“Should hostesses be looking down on their customers ?” He argued, shifting through the cards in his hand. A wild card and a reverse card, not bad at all.

“Should customers be threatening hostesses with swords?”

Unaware of his action, Takasugi tightened his grip around the glass.

Up to that point, your behavior had been nothing out of the ordinary. Unlike the other girls who kept their distance from his table, you didn’t seem particularly wary of him. Considering your relationship with your coworkers, he had assumed that the rumor hadn’t reached your ears, but apparently he was wrong.

“Don’t worry about it. Kasumi-chan has a tendency of overreacting.” You assured, revealing the first card of the deck; eight red. “Hmm.” You played a two.

“What if she wasn’t?” He teased, dropping a four.

“Well…” You contemplated, carefully browsing through your hand. “You wouldn’t hurt her, would you?”

Green four.

“What makes you think I wouldn’t?"

“You helped me out yesterday. Even if you are a Joui or whatever, unless you had good intentions, you wouldn’t have bothered.”

Takasugi shrugged, dropping a 6.

“Besides…” He looked up at you, finding a slight smile tremble upon your lips. “You must have really wanted to play uno with me, huh?”

So she’d heard the full story. Admittedly, he shouldn’t have acted on such impulse, but then again why did that girl feel entitled to interfere with his personal affairs? Perhaps he should have dropped more than empty threats on her.

Returning his attention to the game, Takasugi tried to keep his cool, yet his grimace gave out how he really felt. With his lips curling into a scowl, he threw more alcohol down his throat, pushing the glass back to your side. This wasn’t the way he pictured this night going.

While he was caught up in his own thoughts, you acted upon your turn, dropping two green cards onto the pile.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He growled, forcefully grabbing you by the wrist the second you played them.

You blinked, looking at him with confusion.

“Skip… card?” Your gaze fell onto the fallen cards below; a green skip and a green seven.

Oh.

In an attempt to save face, Takasugi released his grip, wondering how many more hits his pride could suffer before he snapped. If he didn’t know any better, he would have thought that your presence was the cause of jumpiness, but that couldn't be the case, right? A mere hostess, even if such was you, wasn't enough to make him nervous.

For the next 5 minutes or so, you kept on throwing cards one after the other in complete silence, the voices of the rest of the crowd filling in the gaps. To focus on winning or to focus on extracting information; Takasugi felt himself waver between the two choices. Whether he admitted it or not, your reappearance had left him in a distressed state that he absolutely detested.

"So are you?" You broke through the quiet, changing the color to yellow with a five.

"Hm?" Takasugi inquired, switching the color back to blue with a wild card.

"A Joui."

"What if I am? Will you report me?" He smirked.

"Should I?" You mused, browsing your hand before pulling a card from the deck, one you ended up not playing.

He shrugged, throwing a blue six. "It doesn’t matter if you do. I don’t intend to switch lanes now."

"Then… What is it that you intend to do?"

"Bring about an end to all this." He nonchalantly admitted, weighing your reaction.

He expected to find at least a glimpse of surprise or a hint of recognition, yet he spotted neither. Not only did he fail to reignite your memory, but it also looked as if you were completely unfazed by what he’d said.

"Sounds ominous." You said, at last.

"What about you?" 

"Am I a Joui?" You pondered as you pulled another card. "I doubt it, though I can’t be too sure." Blue eight.

Takasugi raised an eyebrow, eager to hear the rest of the story. Finally, he’d brought you exactly where he wanted you to be.

"There was an accident many years ago. At least that’s what the people who found me said. In reality, I can’t remember anything. The accident, that place, the people I used to know, the girl I used to be… it’s all blank. Each time I try to recall such details, my head begins to tick like a time bomb." You admitted, going through your cards.

"It’s funny though. I could be someone’s daughter, someone’s friend, or someone’s lover and I wouldn’t even know about it."

There was sorrow in the way you spoke, a faint smile appearing and the disappearing in an instant.  To have all the answers to your questions, Takasugi felt great guilt plaguing him. Your loss had always been one of the many he was responsible for, another regret to add onto the over-increasing burden of his soul. If he'd gotten there faster, if he’d gotten word of the attack before it happened, if, if, if…

He thought there was no way to change the past, but now that he saw the very same past unraveling before his eye, he was uncertain of what he was supposed to do. Perhaps it was better that you didn’t remember him. What one could consider a curse was in reality a blessing in disguise. There was no need for you to remember what was taken from you, what was lost because of him, or even him. Yes, it was better like this.

Reaching for his empty glass, he was quick to pour himself another drink, only to realize that the bottle was just as empty. The irony, he thought to himself, pushing it aside. No matter how much he tried to fill his own void, it would always come down to this, he realized.

"What about your name?" Takasugi sighed, drawing a card. Had he played his reverse card, then the game would have ended right then and there, but he didn’t mean to do that just yet. Not when you have yet to reveal all your cards for him to see.

Once his turn was over, you pulled two cards from the deck, glancing at your hand and then the eight he had previously dropped.

"I don’t remember that either. Everyone here gives me a different name, though most of them are pretty horrible." You said, earning a sympathetic nod from him.

"Oh, I didn’t mean to complain. It’s fine, really, I don’t mind at all. Feel free to call me however you want to."

"How about Y/N?" He suggested in a rather affectionate tone.

"Isn’t that the name of the girl you are looking for?"

"Didn’t you hear me?" He inquired, flicking the remaining two cards between his fingers. "That girl exists no longer."

"Y/N… it does have a nice ring." You beamed with excitement. "But are you sure it’s fine?"

"A pitiful hostess with no memories or name, and a ghost who only exists in memory. You might as well claim that name, she won't be asking back for it."

After all, it’s yours.

"Y/N." You said in a quiet tone. "Y/N," you said more confidently.

"It suits you." Takasugi nodded in acknowledgement, a hint of a smile spreading across his features. At least now he wasn’t the only one holding onto this name.

Peering at his cards one final time, he let the reverse one drop onto the center of the table. There was no point in stalling his victory any further, not when the outcome was already set.

"Uno."

"You win."

"Not bad for a first timer." He smirked.

Admittedly, Takasugi enjoyed his reward much more than he thought he would. Not once in a million years would he consider that he’d get the chance to glance at your smile or hear your voice ever again, let alone play a game of cards at a crappy bar in Kabukicho. It all felt so surreal, but for now, there was no doubt. It was really you.

"Another round?" You asked, shuffling the cards between your fingers.

At that moment, Takasugi stood up, attaching his sword back to his hip. It was time to go. Searching through his yukata, he fished a couple of bills out, sliding them towards your side.

"I’m afraid it’s time for me to make an exit."

"Shinsuke-san." You hesitated, your eyes darting between the table and his own.

"I enjoyed our game."

He nodded, attempting to make his way out when you stopped him again.

"Will you be coming again?"

It was his time to consider things. Perhaps other than your memory, you weren’t all that different, yet the same couldn’t be said about him. He wasn’t the same boy you fell in love with over ten years ago, the one who could afford to fool around and play uno with you as if he had no care in the world. What was left of him could barely make up for the person he used to be; scattered pieces of a vengeful and hollow beast pieced together into who he was today. Could such a man even dream of reconciling with his past?

Takasugi had no answer for that. At least not right now, when your eyes were pleading him to stay. He wanted to see you again, yet he doubted whether he should. For the first time in a while, his selfish desires were standing in his way, and he wasn’t sure how to handle it.

Without saying a word, he waltzed towards the door, wishing that the watchful gaze of the stars would prevent him from repeating any past mistakes, at least for the night. 

The following days found Takasugi spiraling through an endless abyss of question marks, the weight of his choice following him throughout his affairs to the point where he could not concentrate on anything else.

If he told you all about your shared past and who you really were, that smile you greeted him with would be erased in an instant. The pain you’d escaped would cling onto you like it did to him, the clutches of a beast he could never escape. To subject you to such suffering, to bring such a future to you… how could he ever do that?

On the other hand, knowing that to you he was no more than a mere stranger, that all those memories you created together had scattered through the wind, Takasugi felt his heart aching. Even if it was selfish, he couldn’t help himself from showing up before you, day after day, hoping that somehow everything would get solved on its own. That he’d get to hold your hand and kiss your lips once more, just once, even if there was no tomorrow for him.

Perhaps that’s what it meant to love someone to death. As long as you are able to make a step towards them, as long as your hand can reach out, then nothing can stand in the way, not even death.

With his mind set on vengeance and his heart on you, the thin line between right and wrong became even thinner. He was more perplexed than he’d ever been, his inner conflict clouding more than just his thoughts. The sleepless nights he used to spend by himself in the comfort of his room had lessened, finding him among bottles of sake and the very same carefree people he loathed. Even when he couldn’t decide on what to do, he was adamant regarding his visits to Snack Smile, as if all the answers were hidden behind those eyes of yours.

Soon enough, the flier in his hands approached the dreaded tenth mark milestone. With each visit granting him another stamp, Takasugi caught himself counting the days down to his final reward. There was no point in going through all this trouble for a cheap bottle of champagne, he was well aware of that. But, earning himself such a trophy was far from being his actual reason. In reality, the flier served as some sort of countdown, putting a number to the days you had left. After all, he’d finally made up his mind; the day he received his final mark, would be the day he’d say goodbye to you, once and for all.

And so, with your days numbered, there was a certain bitter aftertaste that accompanied both his arrival and his departure, the heavy atmosphere that lingered feeling heavier than before. He’d already lost you once. This should have been easier, but it wasn’t. The end he sought after was sure to leave his tainted soul with yet another scar. Was that what it meant to do the right thing? He wouldn’t know.

By the end of the week, he’d visited your bar five times. A total of eight marks filled the boxes of the flier, making him wish that he hadn’t threatened that girl to speed things up in the first place. He only needed two more stamps to end things properly with you, yet as he marched his way towards his sixth visit, he started to get cold feet.

Standing outside the bar at the crack of dawn, he wondered what the hell he was doing there. For once, there was no way the bar was open at such an early hour. He was too late, or too early, depending on how one looked at it. But even if it wasn’t, what was he supposed to say? Why would the goodbye of a stranger be of any importance to you?

Being in such deep thought, he barely noticed your fatigued form coming out of the bar, with a pair of garbage bags dangling between your hands.

"Shinsuke-san? What are you doing here?" Your sleepy eyes came to life upon seeing his, your expression lighting up your entire face.

"Just passing by." He shrugged, feeling the strain in his throat as he spoke.

You walked past him, disposing of the bags as quickly as possible.

"We are closed for business, but… would you like to come in?" You suggested, pointing at the door with your thumb.

"I’m good." He shook his head.

"You came all this way, it’d be a shame to go without having a drink at the very least."

Unable to come up with another excuse, Takasugi glanced at the sky and then at you. The first morning rays poured over you like a halo, dousing your figure in a warm light. Even when your eyes were plagued with dark circles, you appeared more beautiful than ever.

"I won’t take no for an answer. If you don’t come in, I’m reporting you." A chuckle broke through your threat, your head tilting to the side. "Just one drink. It’s on me, okay?"

How could he possibly say no when you put it like that? The moment Takasugi sighed, you both knew what his answer was. So much for his unyielding resolve.

Inside the bar, empty chairs were flipped on top of empty tables, the faint smell of alcohol and smoke having yet to dissipate. He followed you to an empty booth, setting his sword to the side before taking a seat. You told him to wait, returning minutes later with your drinks. If sake wasn’t his preferred choice, he would have thought that you were a cheapskate who couldn’t afford anything else. At least you didn’t seem to be one of those pushy Dom Peri girls.

"As expected, sake tastes best with good company." You exclaimed, drinking your first shot.

He smiled, following suit.

"I bet you have lots of good company to drink with."

"No one as interesting as an Uno loving samurai."

"Or a clumsy hostess with no recollection of the past." A chuckle followed his comment, the sound of your laughter echoing through the empty space.

"Y/N. What made you choose this path for yourself?"

"Hmm…" You pondered out loud, pouring the two of you some more alcohol. "Just like you said, I’m clumsy and have no recollection of my past. What could someone like me do to survive? Serving drinks and chatting with people is something anyone can do, me included."

"Do you like it here?"

You took your time before answering, glancing at him, your glass, the bottle, the table, the entrance, and then again from the top. Whatever answer you were planning on giving, it didn’t matter. After all, your reaction said enough.

"It’s okay. The pay isn’t bad and the girls are nice to me. Our boss is quite forgiving of my mistakes too, I manage just fine."

No, you don’t. If that was the case, you wouldn’t be forced to clean up their mess by yourself, all alone and exhausted.

Rather than argue back, Takasugi pressed his glass tight against his lips. He’d hoped that at least he’d leave you to a better fate than the one that awaited you with him.

Some time passed with the two of you drinking through the contents of the bottle together in silence, neither being too sure on how to proceed.

"There’s something I haven’t told you."

He raised an eyebrow, letting go of his glass for a moment.

"I asked around for the girl, the real Y/N."

Takasugi inhaled deeply before exhaling, his fingers clenching into a fist against the hard wood.

"There is no real or fake Y/N for you to find. What remains is only you. You are Y/N."

"But-"

He dropped his hand onto the table, the thump cutting through your words.

More silence.

"What was she like?" You had no intention of giving up. Unless he gave you some answers, you would keep on asking him.

Sighing, he reached for the bottle himself, giving you both a refill.

"A nuisance."

"A nuisance?" You asked, a hearty laugh evading your lips.

What was so funny about it?

"No one starts with a person’s negative traits unless it’s someone they care deeply for. You must’ve really loved Y/N, Shinsuke-san."

He looked up at you, at the eyes he so adoringly used to look at. Time may have erased your memory, yet it never managed to extinguish the love he held for you. For a second, he wished that you could share that sentiment, that his stare could somehow pour some of that emotion back into you. He didn’t want to be alone in this, not anymore.

"I’m sorry that I couldn’t find her for you." You sincerely said. "I was hoping you’d be leaving here with a smile."

Takasugi pulled his gaze away from yours, toying with the empty glass between his fingers. It looked like that goodbye had come up sooner than he’d anticipated.

"Then drink with me today. Until my own memory gets hazy, until I manage to forget, drink with me. Ignorance comes with bliss."

Slowly, you nodded at him with hesitation. If you could peer into his thoughts, you’d be able to see that such a thing could never happen. Even if all was lost, he could never forget nor forsake you. No amount of alcohol was capable of bringing him such deliverance. As long as he lived, he’d hold onto these memories like a martyr, making sure that there was at least one of you that remembered. After all, he was prepared to carry such a heavy cross the second he walked into that bar.

Just like Takasugi suggested, the two of you finished the first bottle of sake together, followed by another and then another. Your hand began to tremble halfway through, liquor spilling onto the table and the glasses. He did his best to finish his drinks before you finished yours, making sure that he was the one to drink the majority of the content. Drunk and exhausted was not an ideal state for you to be in.

Still, he forgot to take into consideration the fact that you’d been working all night long, most likely having finished many more bottles with other clients. It didn’t take long for you to collapse. The sun had fully come out now, bathing your skin in a lovely and vibrant light as you rested on top of the table. Your palms had turned into a makeshift pillow, with your cheek finding comfort within. The sound of your breathing befell the room like a quiet lullaby, your chest moving up and down in sync with it.

Takasugi kept drinking by himself, catching you squinting and quietly grunting from time to time. You were mumbling something incoherent that he failed to pick up on, yet once he brought his hand before your eyes, you went quiet. A smile spread across your lips, with a delighted sigh following right after. Takasugi muffled a giggle, propping his elbow onto the table so that he could keep on shielding you from the light with his body.

Unable to help it, he traced the outline of your cheek with the back of his finger, tugging a couple of loose strands behind your ear. You looked so peaceful, he thought as he dragged his index across your features. The last time he’d looked at you like this, he was the one to shut your eyes, unaware of the fact that you’d been fighting your way back to him.

He brought his finger down to your nose and then to your lips, ghosting over them in a light motion. You talked back at him so many times with this mouth of yours, bringing him headache more times than he could count.

Where’s that sharp tongue of yours now, he pondered, dragging your bottom lip downwards. Such a lousy hostess that can’t even handle her liquor, falling asleep before a man whom she barely even knows. What a pathetic sight.

So very... pathetic.

Before he even knew it, his lips met with yours, a feeling of utter bliss taking over him at last. Right or wrong, who was he to differentiate the two. In that final moment with you, nothing else mattered. He selfishly claimed this one final memory for himself, hoping it'd be enough to last him a lifetime.

I won’t take my chances with you anymore. This time… be happy. Be happy and never look back, not at your past and certainly not at me. If we ever meet again… No. Even if we meet again in this or our next life, walk past me as if we were strangers. Goodbye, Y/N.

And just like that, his ghost hunt came to an end.

By the time Takasugi reached the docks, the streets of Edo were bustling with the sounds of people. Some going to work, others returning, and then those who simply strolled around. Even more so than before, he felt like a fish out of water, unable to truly fit within the crowd. It was as if he was returning from a great battle, one that he'd inevitably lost.

Silently, he slipped back inside his ship, a couple of members from his faction bidding him 'good morning'. He nodded them off, unwilling to engage in any small talk. Such trivialities seemed rather pointless at the moment.

Just before he returned to his room, Takasugi made a stop by one of the common rooms, finding Matako and Takechi conversing, or rather arguing with one another as per usual. The two went quiet at his entrance, letting him say what he had to say without any disturbances.

Once that was out of the way, he was finally able to rest. Or at least that was his plan. He removed his bandages, neatly stacking them upon his nightstand. Bringing his palm above his destroyed eye, he traced his skin all the way to his lips, finding himself terribly missing your warmth. With his wish granted, he felt no better than he did before. If anything, water had managed to seep through the cracks of his void, threatening to drown him along with what was left of him.

Hoping for a moment of repose, Takasugi leaned back against the covers of his futon, yet such moment never came. Perhaps the daylight was too strong or his thought were simply too loud. Either way, he couldn't tell.

Giving up on that plan of his, he got up, the shamisen in the corner of the room catching his eye. Maybe if he could at least counter these thoughts with something louder, he could find some solace.

Time went by swiftly, with the light burning brighter and then fading into the backdrop. A dejected melody accompanied his equally dejected musings, with his fingers aimlessly holding onto the bachi. What his words could not speak, his music transmitted perfectly. A requiem of despair.

"Shinsuke, what's all this about?" The voice of a certain green haired samurai cut through his tune, followed by the thump of the door. "Matako told me we are leaving tomorrow, is that true?”

“What if it is.” Takasugi responded, refusing to look his way.

“I thought we’d be staying until the end of the month.”

“Something came up.”

“And that is?”

There was nothing for him to say to that. Whether they stayed in Edo or not, it didn't make a difference. He'd finally cut all loose threads, no point hanging around this hell hole of a city.

Bansai moved across the room, his steps taking him to the window where Takasugi was seated. Quietly, he observed him, listening to his song as if he meant to nitpick his intentions by the mere sound of it. He folded his hands over his chest, resting against the opposite side of the frame, with his head lightly moving along to the rhythm.

"Your tempo has changed, I daresay."

Most probably for the worse, Takasugi thought to himself.

“I have a gift for you.”

Holding onto the instrument with his legs, Takasugi reached a hand in his yukata, revealing the purple flyer. Nine marks stained its surface, only one requirement away from the "grand prize". He'd held onto this thing for days, but now he found no use for it. Disposing it while he could, was the only sensible choice.

“I’m not sure I’m following, Shinsuke.” Bansai mumbled, flipping the pamphlet between his fingers.

“There's no need to. Just accept the gift.” Takasugi said, his attention shifting back to the shamisen.

“This is very unlike you, I daresay.“

With the music picking up once again, Bansai moved outside of the room, taking his so called gift with him.

There was no telling how much time had passed, the never-ending melody stubbornly persisting. Takasugi felt numb, each of his thoughts melting away underneath his fingertips. By now, he should have met with you. Would you be disappointed that Bansai showed up instead of him? That was unlikely. Who'd be distressed over a stranger?

That's right. It didn't matter anymore. He'd given up on you, he had no right contemplating over such things. It was over. It really was.

“You’re back early.” His voice felt raspier after going for so long without speaking a word.

“I met with the girl.” Bansai admitted, stepping into the room. His tone was near suggestive, hinting that this was far from all he had to say.

Curious to see what comes next, Takasugi let go of the shamisen, an eerie quietness befalling the room as he set it to the side.

“… And?”

“And I must ask, who is that girl, Shinsuke?”

“A good for nothing hostess.” Takasugi sneered.

Bansai sighed, doubting that Takasugi was giving him the full story. More often than not, he was able to read into his thoughts with greater ease than most. Even if he didn't poke his nose into his business, he had no intention to let this one slide, and for once, Takasugi wasn't too appreciative of his friend's feature.

“That good for nothing hostess said I can’t accept it on your stead. You should know better than to give gifts one can't redeem.” He dropped the flyer onto the floor beside him.

“Is that so?" Takasugi inquired with zero interest, merely glancing at it and then looking away.

“There’s more to the story, I daresay." Bansai continued, his fingers browsing through his teal colored coat. "She asked of me to bring this to you. Said she’ll be waiting for you to return it one day.”

Takasugi glanced over at him, his eye widening upon receiving the item from his hands.

“I believe you recognize this. Then, I’ll leave you to it.” Bansai said before finally making his exit.

There was no way... right? This couldn't be it... right?

At the moment, Takasugi struggled to understand the meaning of it, seemingly lost as he studied the material. His fingers went over the fabric with great care, tracing each and every seam as if they were sacred. This was far from being the only one of it's kind, yet there was no room for doubt; this white headband could only be the very same that once belonged to him, the one he'd traded you all those years back.

"Such a foolish woman." He huffed in a low tone, his lips curving into a smile. Even when he'd given you a chance at happiness, you'd chosen to fall back into your own misery. What kind of fool does that?

Yet, such a foolish woman had managed to fool him. He wasn't any better, he realized to his dismay, guilty over the sudden rush of relief. Even by a little, the weight he'd been so adamant to carry by himself had been lifted, with or without his consent. He really thought that he could take it, but there you were again, stirring up trouble from miles apart. To think that he'd fallen for such a nuisance.

Lacing his fingers around the headband, Takasugi leaned back against the window. A sigh evaded his lips once he finally closed his eye.

Perhaps the destruction of the world was always meant to be celebrated with a cheap bottle of champagne.

A/N: Originally I planned to end it at this, but then I realized that the ending might be a bit unclear, so I'll add myself a mini QnA to explain certain things!

Q1: Did she know who he was all along?

A1: Nope. In reality she didn't reveal the whole truth to him. She had memories of a man and their times together, but she couldn't remember who that was or even his name. After she met Takasugi again, all those missing pieces came together and by the last time he visited her, she knew who he was.

Q2: If she still loves him, then why not tell him?

A2: Though Takasugi hasn't changed that much, she could tell that he had something going on that was bigger than their little love story. She knows him better than most and so she wouldn't want to stand in the way of his path.

Q3: Then why reveal it at the end?

A3: Takasugi may have been strong enough to stay true to his decision of ending things, but she wasn't. When he kissed her, she was able to feel it and when she realized that this was goodbye, she couldn't accept that this was their end. Even if it's harder for them to pine over one another, she hoped that by revealing her cards to him and giving him a place to return to, then one day he will.

Q4: So will he return?

A4: It might take some time, but he definitely will. After all, he has a headband to return and a drink to share.

Q5: Dom Peri is very expensive, why did you call it cheap?

A5: In comparison to his precious memories of her, Dom Peri feels very cheap to Takasugi.

[crowleys-right-eyeball]

okay HELLOOOOO SBZ FANS I FINISHED THE GAME!! below the cut they go, pretty long and just rambles lol

- alan is SOOO FUCKING CUTEEEE BUT ESPECIALLY IN THE END HELLO???????

- I LOVE HOW HE STANDS HE’S JUST SO EXPRESSIVE WITH EVERYTHING

- anyway so i took a shit ton of screenshots but the game deleted my save files before i could export them so i’ll have to either replay the ending or go on youtube but i don’t wanna do either of those now. but that sorta ruined my mood with the ending so thank u unknown worlds for designing ur game like that 🙏🙏

- so anyway. you know how they’re making subnautica 3 right. did you notice in the ending that there’s a fucking???? architect city?????? LITERALLY THERE COULD BE A CITY FULL OF ALANS IN SUBNAUTICA 3

- as for the game itself. it was ight!! it was like ten ish hours shorter than subnautica but maybe that was just me being insanely impatient and googling all the coords out of frustration lmfao

- i give it a 7.5/10!! a ton of the credit goes to the stupid kickable brit and the absolute gilf but everything else was pretty okay!! characters aside, it really wasn’t as scary or as like. immersive as subnautica imo? someone pointed this out on the subreddit and i totally agree but having the seatruck being the only vehicle you need made the deeper parts feel way safer, which sorta just made all the scary parts jumpscares rather than actual terror which i did not love

- now i don’t know if i’m like a total idiot or not with this point but this game felt very. unguided. like once you find alan it’s just a free for all and you have to either wait for him to tell you hey here’s a thing that doesn’t help you at all OR you just wander around aimlessly until you stumble upon something. to be honest though, i started subnautica maybe three ish years ago and i genuinely have no memory of it. i have no idea if i watched a playthrough and knew everything first or went in blind so maybe that’s how the first game is too and i’m just an idiot lmfao, but i googled the coords for everything like i said, and speaking of which tonight’s playthrough should have been way shorter except that i literally could not find the fabricator base or the gate so *shrug*

- this is a minor note that i thought was goofy but my dumb ass did not find outpost zero until i was looking for the gate and i fucking. entered the base and alan started talking to me even though he was already out of my body LMFAO (either the devs did not find this plothole or they did and didn’t think anyone was dumb enough to find it)

- umm what else. i could go on and on about alan and marguerit but i will not bc that’s a post on its own

- hot take: should have been deeper

- thank u unknown worlds for putting my funny youtuber songs into the game love you sm

- the music fucks so hard

- OH i wish the biomes were more significant because a ton of them are SO COOL but i literally only entered them like once for one thing so i do wish there was more diversity with where the story progressed (however i also like how they kept the same subnautica style with how it progresses, as in there’s more the deeper it gets, i just wish the biomes were more diverse with that i guess)

- EDITING THIS BC I FORGOT TO WRITE THIS DOWN!! i LOVEE alan’s character progression throughout the game!! at the start, he’s mostly just confused with robin’s discomfort and he doesn’t really wanna get involved with anything other than his body, but as the game goes on he asks robin questions about humans and he learns stuff like sarcasm and hope and he states his feelings more clearly and i just ;;;;;; melts and sobs and collapses he’s so fucking cute i’m crying

- IDK WHAT ELSE TO SAY AND I’LL PROBABLY EDIT THIS LATER BUT YEAH!! MY INCREDIBLE TAKES!!

- next i post about this game will either be if i feel like grabbing and uploading my screenshots OR if i draw a silly little alan and robin drawing heehee

[bunny-rambles]

i need to stop thinking about cuddling scara bc i could write hours and hours of paragraphs and like ;; yeah ;; also need to stop about him returning your kisses bc i bet that stupidly phisically perfect man has just the softest lips sigh

also yes! cosplaying my boy was so much fun! unlike him i would totally let you hug me all you want tho lol but i don't think you could give many headpats to my xiao friend bc she's super super tall lol

and yes! lots of fotografie! this last few days my friends and i decided today would have been my wedding day (long story) so we threw like, three bachelor parties and we took pics like we were trying to make a wedding album. it was oh so much fun especially for my friends who we hadn't let in in the joke and who were just confused lol

[also your daily word is mostra, which means exhibition (of like, paintings), bc i went to one today. not to confuse with mostro, which means monster lol]

aaaa i've shoved itto's artifacts on albedo and so far he truly hasn't disappointed. i still need to farm the husk domain bc, well, my itto needs some artifacts back, and i'd love to go with you! the only thing is, for some reason i can't find you anymore in my friend list ;;;; i was trying to look for you a few days ago but i couldn't find you anywhere, i don't know what happened but ;; yeah

also! catzuha headcanons coming in! i feel like kazuha would be the type of cat to purr shamelessly. you touch his ears? he'll lean into your head and lets you cuddle him all you want. aside from that, though, i think he's pretty quiet. doesn't scratch your sofa, doesn't break havoc, will just follow you quietly and maybe bother you only if he's really hungry. also i think he'd like if you helped him brush his hair!! one of my friends cat absolutely melts when you brush her, idk why i feel like he'd love that too. also, i feel like kazuha Is a great mood picker and would just kinda be a good listener. if he feels you're sad he'll just cuddle close to you and let you vent while you stroke his fluffy ears, or maybe will act like he wants more attentions to take your head off things. fantastic companion 120% would recommend.

lots of love bunny!! no matter what goes on with your life, hopefully i'll be able to cheer you on

- 🍓

Dearest I’m so, so sorry for leaving things this late;;;

I am incredibly stressed nowadays and you don’t seem to be online on genshin when I am, and if you are the messages don’t even show up OTL

omg you’d let me hug you as scara? (,: you’re getting the biggest hug of a lifetime !! It’s okay, I’ll stand on a step ladder if they’re comfortable with it lmfao

That sounds like so much fun and I’m so glad you had a nice day, you’d make a vvv pretty bride/groom (whichever you’d prefer)

monstra - sounds like a place that would be a perfect date for albedo to take you to mm hm

I’ve already explained the reason so I’ll skip over this for now (and bc I also helped you grind that domain too hehe)

Oh absolutely he’s the type to shamelessly purr, he’s the type to nudge your phone out of your hand with his head to get you to cuddle him. He just stares at you, purring loudly with a teasing smile on his face. He completely melts when you touch his ears, head flopping down on your shoulder or chest depending on where he is. And absolutely he’s a good mood picker, he’s a very nice cat boy to have around. He most likely cleans while you’re out and cooks dinner for you, instead of you pampering him sometimes it’s the other way around. But then there are other times where he needs your cuddles and won’t stop pestering you until he gets them - and that’s usually when you’re upset or sick. He just wants you to feel better <33

ti voglio bene berry, I’ve missed you dearly and I’ll answer your other ask soon <33

[gwacha]

Clip it, Baby! Narusasu streamer!AU chapter 4 snippet

I took a much needed three day break from writing, which is just long enough to refresh me but not too long where I have an adhd squirrel brain moment and abandon my fic. LMFAO.

it's at 1636 words! woohoo! I think it'll be around 7k-8k, which is pretty usual. I'm aiming to get it up by this Sunday, but if I can do it sooner, I will!

Anyways, here's a cute for-fun snippet.

---

x9Tails Today at 8:01 AM Its fiiineee i was trying to fix my sleep schedule anyways Ill be extra tired for tonight :D

UCHIHA Today at 8:02 AM At the cost of an awful day.

x9Tails Today at 8:02 AM psh no I wont know whether its awful or not till the end of it, right?

UCHIHA Today at 8:02 AM Your optimism needs to be studied. How much did you sleep?

Before replying to the message, Naruto groans — giving himself three seconds before promptly throwing himself out of bed while fighting an awful headache tooth and nail. The streamer’s been worse off, but it doesn’t make him feel better as he trudges to his living room and retrieves a smoothie out of the fridge. The morning light is blinding enough that he almost trips on Kurama’s bed (and Kurama who’s sitting inside of it, yowling at Naruto’s nearly fatal error) on the way to his couch, over which he obnoxiously spreads himself across like a starfish.

x9Tails Today at 8:04 AM 3 hours haha whoops

UCHIHA Today at 8:05 AM You should get back in bed.

x9Tails Today at 8:05 AM Is that a threat??

UCHIHA Today at 8:05 AM From your healthcare professional when you get wheeled into the ER because you passed out while driving, maybe.

[wallyaxiom]

lose you to love me

t a g g i n g → wally axiom, josh axiom, jim hawkins and him

t i m e  f r a m e → present

l o c a t i o n →  wally’s apartment

n o t e s → i guess this is sort of therapy for both wally and i to release a lot ??? that’s been held inside for sometime ??? like actually releasing it into the abyss and letting it stay there forever and stop dwelling on it. idk a tik tok told me to let go of things so here we are. anyways i’m in pain as per usual 

You p r o m i s e d the world and I fell for it I put you first and you adored it Set fires to my forest And y o u let it burn

Wally had been through a lot in his twenty five years of living on this earth. he had lived through wondering why his birth parents had given him up, believing he had never been good enough. He lived through being not good enough for the Axioms and his own parents at time. He lived through the BNL gang and the abuse Runt subjected him to. They had lived through so much pain and heartache that when he showed up Wally believed that he had finally been gifted their happily ever after. But all his dragons weren’t slayed. in fact, more appeared into his life because of said knight in shining armor. 

Wally didn’t allow themselves to think about it. Like most things in life, it was shoved into the back of his mind left there to wilt and eventually fade with everything else they wanted to forget. There was a lot there, perhaps it was too full that this was the reason why these memories in particular kept rearing their ugly head. The night of their fight, their divorce, the day everything he knew for years finally falling apart. Those familiar feelings still lingered within his body, tainting his soul the same way they did back then. Wally felt like he needed to take a bath in that instance or anytime he thought about it but he knew no matter how many times the water washed over skin he couldn’t scrub him out. Wally knew exactly what was spawning these exact thoughts. It was his dreams finally coming true. For the longest time Well felt as though he didn’t deserve to have them. No, he was left to rot in a gilded cage provided by his ex-husband. a cage that was built around false hopes, lies, manipulation and gaslighting. 

Their relationship wasn’t always like this. In the beginning it was actually magical. Wally fell head over heels for him. they were so young, naive and so desperate to be loved. He believed he had found a soulmate in this person - a forever. It felt so right. Everyone believed they were the perfect couple and maybe they were for a while but that public image wasn’t the truth behind close doors. even now people ask what went wrong because to someone on the outside looking in everything seemed so fine. if only they knew. 

currently, wally was sitting outside smoking a cigarette. He stopped smoking them when he was seventeen. They’d like to say it was for their health but it’s actually because he told him to stop because he didn’t like it. He told Wally to stop doing a lot of things they enjoyed because they didn’t coincided with what he liked or what he wanted wally to be. So, Wally was smoking this one out of spite because he could do it now without being reprimanded or deemed a bad person but fuck did this cigarette taste awful. He couldn’t finish the damn thing and ended up chucking it to the ground, stepping on it afterwards to extinguish it. A little too forcefully at that. Watching the smoke float from the ground, wally was reminded of a old friend. a friend who meant everything to them. they used to do things like this together. this friend was someone who was like a brother to wally and maybe he did develop some romantic feelings for them in the long run. maybe because he could be himself around this person when his boyfriend expected him to be this person he wasn’t. maybe he developed feelings for this person because they knew he hated their friendship. Maybe because there was a lack of trsut from the start so why not do what was being perceived? maybe Wally had been doing this out of spite to this person from the start without even knowing it. He was only seventeen at the time. he was a broken mess recovering from a lot. Honestly, Wally was on a path of self destruction at that age so the feelings could have stemmed from that as well. Regardless of where they came from his outlet was ripped away from him. The friendship wasn't ended on his terms. No, it was out of jealousy. But of course the friendship would still live on in gulting words from his husband. A constant reminder that was held over his head despite it happening years ago. A way to guilt him to get wally to things for his husband. and maybe wally would give him that one. They weren’t exactly in the right there but still the pattern of losing friends was something that continued until the once social butterfly had no one but him to turn to. 

❝ You wanna know why I stick around?  Because I thought things would change, how many times have to told you I didn’t like how things were going and you didn’t do a damn thing to change any of it, you go and make it worse. ❞

The biggest loss they probably suffered throughout that relationship was Eve. She had been there long before him but she didn’t get the chance to stay in Wally’s life. she was shoved out once the two had gotten together. Her name that once brought so much joy and love was tainted with anger and bitterness that didn’t necessarily stem from him. They were perfectly placed and soon festeresr into something that didn’t belong to wally but him because he expected wally to feel the same way about eve that he did. 

❝ Well now that you’ve come out and said it, I’m gonna have to agree with you, this relationship is pointless when you think about it.  I want to leave because I just need to get away, I’ve had enough of all the shit that happens here.  Yeah, thanks for telling me about Eve coming back, with me gone you can just go back to her like you’ve been wanting to ever since she left. ❞

❝ No I’m pretty sure you broke up with me, you made that painfully obvious by the way you talk.  Really, I should be asking you those questions, you shouldn’t be asking me them. ❞

❝ Wally, I should be the one who believes you, but I just can’t, the way you are with her, hell even the way you are with Jafar, I just can’t.  If you can remain close friends with an ex you either are still in love with them or never were, and it sure as hell isn’t the second one.  I was willing to die for you and I almost did and you repaid me by trying to kill yourself and this. I love you more than you could possibly imagine but it just feels pointless half the time because I know you’re torn. ❞

Wally was never torn. The moment he picked him his heart was set on him. Eve became an ex and old friend but apparently she couldn’t be anything to Wally so that’s when she became nothing. Someone who had been with him for years soon because nonexistent in his life. As for his attempted suicide? Well, that had nothing to do with him either. it came from life leaving him hollowed and broken but of course everything had to revolve around him. Anything that was remotely wally’s always came back to him. Nothing could ever just be his. The moment they said ‘I do’ suddenly they became this morphed being of just one human. Wally wasn’t allowed to be his own entity. they were his husband’s property and at times that’s what he felt like. an object. Their breath hitched in their throat as the phantom touches of him graced his, waist, his hips and then some. The pulling. The grasps. The glares at others whenever someone would get too close. The overprotectiveness that was perceived as love but really it was possessiveness. The way their relationship became too physical that wally felt like a piece of meat at times. objectified. The way he felt used. Their body used. Their entire being used for him. but when wally tried to express themselves he was labeled a slut. he was shamed. their son was brought into it as another guilting factor to hold over wally’s head and god forbid their son ever seen their parent in the light that he did. 

Josh.

It was the only good thing that came out of their years together. Joshua Matthew Axiom was the light of Wally’s life. Perhaps the rest of the love they had for one another was used for that sweet little boy. It wasn’t just Wally who was affected by the storm he made. Josh was left in the aftermath as well but Wally didn’t allow his son to feel like he wasn’t good enough or it was his fault. He didn’t blame his son for halting his dreams. He allowed his husband’s dreams to blossom while he waited in the wings waiting for his chance to finally make his own dreams come true but that’s impossible when you’re put in the place of a stay at home parent. Wally refused to let Josh be tainted by him the way he had tainted them. Josh was too pure, too perfect, and too good for this world to ever feel the way Wally had felt. He’d be damned if he allowed it to never happen. Josh was Wally’s one perfect thing. The one thing in life he felt he had gotten right. Being a parent gave them purpose. It gave them hope and a light he thought was long extinguished. He wanted to be better for his son. He needed to be better for his son and by doing that he had to finally face the problems he had buried deep within. 

❝ I might always have shit to do, but I’ve always found a way to make time for you, but you never let me do anything that didn’t benefit you outright. ❞

with heavy footsteps, wally led himself back into his apartment

❝ I guess this is all my fault because I tried to spoil my boyfriend and husband.  But none of it is ever enough is it?  You constantly took me away from my schoolwork and yes sometimes I could multitask, but you should’ve understood that sometimes I have other things that are important too, not just you. ❞.

They stood there in the doorway for a minute. Blinking those long lashes of his against his golden skin. He hadn’t realized he had been crying until he felt the dampness coat his lashes. 

❝ We will lose everything if I lose this, but whatever, apparently that’s not important. ❞

In that moment all the pain they had been harboring for a year finally released. he didn’t cry when they fought. he didn’t cry when he filed for divorce. he didn’t cry when he left. but right now a sob wracked through his body that left wally hunching onto the floor, folding into himself as he bawled his eyes out in a way he hadn’t in a long time. For years he believed it was his fault. That all of the problems stemmed from him. Maybe if he had been a better partner things would have been better but it took wally a year to realize there was nothing he could do to change his ex-husband. He needed to fix himself and wally couldn’t do it. Wally wouldn’t do it. He needed to heal himself and that’s what he was doing. Healing. 

Wally was covered in scars he did nothing to earn but maybe there was a lesson to be learned. A lesson of self worth, value and love. A much needed lesson that Wally needed to learn. he couldn’t keep being dependent on people and giving all of themselves to people who didn’t care nor deserve his kindness. As much as he wanted to hate him Wally couldn’t. He resented him, sure, but hate is something his tiny body was incapable of. He was someone who was easy to forgive. This time was different though. His ex wouldn’t get the satisfaction of knowing if he was ever forgiven.

Wally didn’t know how long he had been crying. They were still curled up into themselves when their heard small footsteps pad against the floor in their direction.

“Papa?” the soft, angelic voice called.

Wally’s head lifted instantly, his forearms wiping away any remnants of tears that stained his cheeks. “Hi, honey.” they spoke softly to their son. They opened their arms wide and on cue the five year old ran into their parents arm hugging him tight. Wally buried his nose into the soft tuff of brunette locks before him holding his son close. In that moment it was as if every bad feeling that had erupted from him soon faded into the abyss. He felt lighter holding his son there in his arms. 

“Why are you crying?” the child asked, his voice muffled from wally’s embrace.

“Oh, I was just thinking about somethings but i’m okay now. I promise.” Everything was okay now. it had been for a long time and Wally had to remind himself of that. The hard times were long behind him. A new chapter was waiting to be written but it couldn’t be if he kept dwelling in the past. 

“Why don’t we watch some movies, huh? i’ll make popcorn, a tent and everything.”

“Can we invite Jim?”

their heart stopped. fluttered even.

“yes, baby. we can invite Jim.”

he became even lighter at that. Wally didn’t jump back into dating. In fact, they were fine being on their own. they had to learn to be fine on their own instead of feeling the need to have someone give them love. He had to find it within himself first before he went searching for it in someone else. they he came skating into his life and flipped his entire world upside down. This solar flare that burned so brightly that left him blinded and breathless. Someone respectful, kind and wonderful. He felt too good to be true but Jim restored Wally’s faith. He didn’t fix wally. No, wally did that on his own. But Jim reminded him that he deserved someone who treated him like human. They weren’t together but Wally would be lying if he said he didn’t feel something for him. It wasn’t love just quite yet. There was no rush to fall in love this time. instead, Wally chose to enjoy every little moment and if it happened then it happened if it didn’t, well, he was happy to have Jim in his life to teach him another valuable lesson about self worth. 

They healing wasn’t done. it wouldn’t would end in that moment of release but it was a start. It was a start for Wally to move on and allow themselves to be happy for the opportunity to be given. To feel like they deserved this and so much more. To be happy with themselves in general and look at life with the glass half full again and not empty. The cage that once trapped him was long broken. He felt more integrated with people again. He felt safe to have friends once again and all of it felt all too amazing to even describe. Wally was starting to feel like the person who had stepped foot into Elias seven years ago. A wide-eyed wanderer who, yes, was a little ripped at the edges but still had so much hope and love to give. 

He was becoming Wally Axiom again and no one could take that away from them.

Not again.

[aphrodite-made-me-write-it]

Habits - Part 1

(A/N) oh hey, it’s the comeback (cumback?) fic i didn’t intend to be the comeback fic. i really did want to update stuff and post this other yelena fic i have that’s actually cute and has a real plot to it but instead i read Come Back To Me by reminiscingtonight and it was just so goshdarn good that it got me to write this garbage instead! her fic is extremely good and it has 3 parts to it!!! hotdamn!!! i read it at work and it made me happy. anyway, hi! i had to cut this into two parts! expect inconsistency! i’m back to a 6-7 day work schedule with the holidays but i do have something kinda planned for december! ok enough rambling! let’s do this!

Rating: E (literal p0rn without much plot) 18+ Only!

Warnings: fuckboy!yelena (lowkey tho lmfao); protectiveAF!natasha; hella smut; ye olde ‘best friend’s sibling’ trope; nat and yelena are only 2 years apart in this bc it makes me feel better abt age gaps and ill be honest math is not my strongsuit; yelena basically fucks ur brains out idk what else to say; oh, also, reader’s parents r shitty and manipulative; mentions of past abuse, but super brief; really the parents dont pay too much of a role in this half

Pairing: Yelena Belova x Fem!Reader; Natasha x Fem!Best Friend!Reader; Natasha x Wanda Maximoff (i love redheads)

Chapter Word Count: 7.2k

Total Word Count: 30.1k

Synopsis: It’s been a few years since you last saw your childhood best friend, Natasha, and her little sister, Yelena. Transferring colleges leads to you needing a roommate, and that roommate just so happens to be Natasha. Not much has changed between you, you’re still thick as thieves. Her sister, however, is a completely different story.

| Part Two | Part Three | Part Four |

gif source

 Russian Translations: Malyshka - babygirl; Milaya - darling; Dorogoy - sweetheart |

You’ve known Natasha Romanoff for, practically, your entire lives. Your friendship was sealed the day she pushed Jason Grey off of the swingset for calling you ugly in the first grade. You were basically inseparable after that. 

Yelena is adopted when you and Natasha are nine, and she is seven. Melina and Alexei had adopted Natasha before leaving Russia, and were apparently keen on adopting the little toddler young Natasha couldn’t stand to leave behind. It took a few years for the paperwork to go through, and the payoff, it seemed, was worth it. The second they’re reunited, Yelena and Natasha are sisters without a doubt. It may not have been by blood, but that didn’t matter.

Of course, Yelena is also adopted into your friendship with the redhead soon after. Yelena was curious while she adjusted to her new life, always inquisitive and asking questions. Eventually, her curiosity turned into complete headstrong foolishness. Sneaking home lizards and the like. 

You didn’t mind, though. 

In all honesty, you preferred their house to your own.

Your dad was a very busy person, and your mom wasn’t the best company. She was a perfectionist, through and through, and often expected the same from you. The pressure was really put on you when you started middle school. You needed the best grades, the highest place in whatever after school activities you chose. It was grating, exhausting, and their fights that rode late into the night never helped things.

Still, Yelena and Natasha were your distraction from it all. The more pleasant side of life, the side you couldn’t stand leaving.

Until, of course, you had to.

You’re fifteen when it happens, the threat of it. The word felt so ugly and obscene at the time. Divorce. You spent hours in Natasha’s room crying, both sisters helplessly holding you until you ran out of tears. 

That Christmas, your mother actually left until February. That was when your father really began to spiral. He lost his job. He started drinking. He started yelling at you. Started hitting you. You could have told someone - you should have. You only told Natasha and Yelena, though, forcing them to swear to never tell a soul. It was stupid of you, really.

You’re weeks away from sixteen when the shoe finally drops.

He hits your mom. She grabs you, and you’re driving out of town before you can even process it. The image of Natasha and Yelena following your mother’s car has, naturally, haunted you every waking moment since it happened. Your mom was always very anti-social-anything. No cellphones, no email, nothing. Contact with your best friends was hopeless. Gut-wrenchingly hopeless.

You’re grown-up, now. At least, on paper. The rest of high school was spent all the way in New York City, and you didn’t make many friends. You dated a few people here and there, but mostly you focused on your schoolwork the way your mother demanded you to. It became a saving grace, the idea of getting somewhere far away from her.

You don’t get far for long, though. Your first two years are spent at a college you can go to from home. You hate every second of it, and it takes a long while to convince her to let you transfer to another school where you won’t have to be watched like a hawk.

That leads you, at last, to Temple University. Philadelphia. Sure, it’s just a few hours’ drive away but that distance is fucking gold to you. You had originally searched for a roommate through a variety of social medias, looking for friends of friends you could possibly bunk up with - and that, miraculously, lead you back to Natasha.

The reunion is the happiest you’ve felt in so long, you cry. You spend hours catching up among the unpacked boxes, when Yelena is brought up.

“She’s coming a week after me. I transferred from Ohio State, and she’ll be a freshman. God, she’s gonna be thrilled to see you. She spent, like, months crying over you when you left.” 

You snort. “What, and you didn’t?”

“How could I when she was inconsolable?” Natasha scoffs. “It did suck, though. We missed you. I missed you.” She squeezes your hand tightly. “And now we can finally get drunk together like we planned for your sweet sixteen.”

“I didn’t get a drop of alcohol until I got to college,” you gripe. “Mom became like, the grade demon of my worst nightmares.”

“Your dad still lives there. Why didn’t you visit?”

“Yeah, joint custody didn’t last long.” You cringe. “He, uh, got one supervised visit with me in New York and sort of strangled me.”

“Dude, what the fuck?”

“It’s chill, now,” you lean back against the sofa, the only piece of furniture in your living room that’s accessible. “I mean, it’s whatever. He’s a deadbeat, anyways.”

And for the next handful of days, you and Natasha become as close as you had been before you left. Some bonds just transcend years like that, and you’re glad it was this way for you and Natasha.

The week before school leads to Natasha wanting to throw a party to celebrate. You aren’t surprised she’s already made friends here - she’s always been the more social type - but she seems very giddy when she explains her reasoning.

“Does this have to do with that Sokovian chick?” You ask when Natasha finishes cleaning the place for the millionth time since she’d woken up this morning. (Which, by the way, was six o’clock, because Natasha is fucking insane.) “Wendy?”

She glares at you from over her shoulder. “Wanda,” she corrects. “And, no.” 

You laugh at the flush on her cheeks. “So if she shows up to the party I should tell her it’s invite-only?”

“No! Don’t be an asshole!” Natasha whines, throwing the paper towel she’d been using to wipe the bookshelf. It’s not even dirty, but you smack it away with a squeal. “And, by the way, there’s another surprise guest coming, but it’s a secret.”

“Ooh, my favorite actress wrapped in a nice little bow for me?” You ask with a dramatic fluttering of your eyelashes.

“Don’t be gross.” Natasha scolds. “You’re worse than Yelena.”

“Little innocent Yelena?” You cackle, knowing full-well the blonde had been nothing short of troublesome and clever when you left. 

“I have it on good authority that she was being a fuckboy when I moved away.” Natasha tuts. “She was just waiting ‘til I left before she started fooling around with people. Typical.”

“Could it be that anyone interested in her was terrified of her big sister roasting them alive?” You inquire teasingly, tapping your chin as if you were truly considering what other options there could be.

“Very funny.” Natasha rolls her eyes. “I wouldn’t ‘roast them alive’. They’d scream too much, I’d get caught immediately.”

The seriousness in her tone makes you laugh. “Yeah, I wouldn’t be caught dead or alive looking at your sister like that.”

She sticks her tongue out in response, quite childishly. You really, really missed her.

- - - - -

Okay, fine, surprise surprise, the girl with the strict mother is a lightweight. So what. 

You aren’t hammered, you’re more aware of yourself than that. You’re two drinks in, though, so you’re chattier than usual and a bit too bold. Natasha says you’re a riot when you’re drunk, so that’s something, at least.

You’d just disengaged yourself from a conversation with a guy named Steve - who was strangely old-fashioned but incredibly sweet - to get a drink when you slam into a body. Off-balanced from the rush of blood to your head, you’re lucky that the person steadies you with strong arms before you can fall flat on your face.

You look up at your savior and immediately lose all ability to speak and think and breathe. She’s got blonde hair and gorgeous green eyes, the smirk on her face smug as she watches the way you take in her muscular body. She’s damn hot, a ripped band t-shirt underneath a red flannel, cuffed jeans and combat boots - this is a woman who also likes women, which happens to be one of your favorite type of women.

“Don’t tell me you’re already wasted,” the Russian accent surprises you less than the husky richness of her voice. Oh fuck. She’s really hot. You should say something cool, probably.

“No, she’s just a fucking lightweight,” Natasha’s voice is a saving grace. You look at her with a desperate, silent plea. “(Y/N), meet our secret special guest: Yelena.”

Holy shit.

“Y-Yelena?” You stammer, stiff as a statue as the blonde hasn’t moved her hands from your waist yet. 

“Long time no see,” she grins.

You step away from her, hoping to clear your head a little. “Y-you, uh, you grew up.” She’s taller than you by a few inches, now. 

She chuckles. “I have,” she confirms, the amusement in her tone telling you that she hasn’t forgotten the way you’d eyed her like a piece of meat moments before.

Natasha looks between you for a moment, an unreadable expression on her face, before she jumps and looks down at her phone. “Wanda’s almost here. I’m gonna go meet her outside. Keep this one out of trouble,” she points at Yelena, who pouts at the accusation of being troublesome.

You make a whipping sound when Natasha walks away, joining Yelena in gut-twisting laughter when Natasha flips you off.

And then you’re alone.

With Yelena.

Out of things to talk about.

“D-d’you wanna drink?” It comes out rushed and awkward, because now that Yelena is looking at you again you feel extremely nervous. 

“Sure,” the blonde is smirking again. You’re starting to dread that smirk.

You lead her to the kitchen, fighting hard to keep your mind from going anywhere but the blonde behind you. What the fuck was WRONG with you? This was Yelena. Little Yelena, who Natasha had just said she’d kill people for and you have absolutely zero doubts in your mind that Natasha Romanoff could get away with murder.

You and Natasha had been reunited for little more than a month and you were thinking of her sister in ways you absolutely, totally, should not. 

It’s not until you’re in the kitchen that you remember it’s a closed off room, unique to the apartment complex, effectively trapping you with Yelena, without any other partygoers.

Shit.

“S-so, what’s your poison?” You ask, turning to the several bottles of liquor you and Natasha acquired for the party.

“I think I’ve already found it,” she’s way closer than you’d expected. She leans against the counter barely a foot away; close enough to be in your space, but not so close that you’re brushing skin. It’s still too close, you think. 

“Nat made sure we had that- that, uh, jet fuel you Russians call vodka.” You reach for the bottle with slightly shaking hands, amazed at how much she’s affected you by just being near you. You feel like a stupid, horny teenager and she literally only touched you once to keep you from falling over.

“I’m not talking about vodka.” Yelena steps forward and you suck in a sharp breath. She’s way too close now. “You know, I always had a bit of a thing for you, growing up.” She says it so casually, you actually don’t process the words at first. “When you left, it was my first real heartbreak.”

“Yelena-” you start, but she keeps talking:

“And just when I thought you were gone forever, Natasha tells me you’re her new roommate.” She licks her lips, and your stupid eyes can’t help tracing the motion. Her smirk widens. “I knew I couldn’t pass up the chance.”

“The chance to- to what, exactly?” You squeak, eyeing the door behind her. Is anyone going to come in here and save you? Do you want them to?

Yelena raises an eyebrow, cocking her head to the side. She’s leaning closer. You find yourself quite frozen, unable perhaps unwilling to move from your spot. “I saw the way you looked at me. You want this just as much as I do.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You lie. You’ve never been a good liar.

Yelena laughs. “Ha! You’re still a terrible liar.”

“And you’re a brat.” You mutter, and then she’s got you pinned to the counter, the edge digging uncomfortably into your back. Both of her palms rest on either side of you. You’re trapped. You’re definitely going to die here.

“Oh, am I?” She teases, amused as she leans in close enough for her breath to ghost your lips. “What does that make you, then?”

“Natasha’s best friend.” You put your hands on her shoulders, pushing lightly to keep the distance between you and hopefully encourage some more. “Who does not want to die a horrible, bloody death for having Natasha finding her pinned against a counter by her little sister.”

Yelena hums, a thoughtful sort of sound that’s very low in her throat. “Who cares about what Natasha thinks? I don’t.”

“You should.” You sound suddenly hoarse as Yelena’s eyes flicker down to your lips.

The front door opens. You push Yelena harder than you’d intended, but she doesn’t budge much. Holy fuck she’s strong. She moves aside though, chuckling lowly as you put a respectable distance between you.

Natasha bursts into the kitchen, Wanda Maximoff in tow while the pair giggle scandalously. Your best friend pauses, looking at you and then Yelena, apparently picking up on the tension that still remains.

“Oh, is this your girlfriend?” Yelena asks, successfully erasing whatever the fuck that was.

You’re in trouble.

You’re in deep, deep fucking trouble.

- - - - -

The next morning, you stumble into the kitchen sleepily. Wanda spent the night in Natasha’s room, but luckily you were out like a light the second you laid down. Yelena took up the couch with two of your four blankets - why Natasha couldn’t spare her own sister some blankets, you’re too frightened to ask - and the mass of blonde hair splayed over the armrest tells you she’s still sound asleep.

You breathe out a sigh of relief once you’ve made a cup of coffee, and it turns soft moan of appreciation when you take your first sip.

“Morning,” a voice startles you, making hot liquid spill over your fingers. You wince, setting the mug down as you turn to face the intruder. Your words get caught in your throat when your eyes find Yelena. Yelena who, apparently, slept in a sports bra and Natasha’s old sweatpants last night.

When your eyes move back to Yelena’s face, she’s wearing that stupid cocky smirk again.

“You know, for someone who denies eye-fucking me, you seem to do it an awful lot.” Yelena sneers. Your cheeks warm considerably. You take your mug and move to the kitchen table, too cowardly to duck out of the conversation and too afraid of her bringing it to the living room where Natasha most certainly could hear it.

“I’m not eye-fucking anybody,” you huff.

“That must be why you’re the color of a tomato.”

“Fuck you.”

“Oh,” her smirk widens, “is that an offer?”

You scoff. “Holy shit, you really are impossible.”

“Maybe you should just admit the truth to yourself.” She begins making her own cup of coffee. You’re relieved to not have those piercing eyes on you anymore, but you don’t let down your guard. 

“And what truth is that?” You ask, hoping to sound casual.

“You’re just as into me as I’m into you.” She answers simply, throwing a look over her shoulder. “It’s alright, I don’t mind waiting. I’ve waited this long.”

You grit your teeth. “Jesus, Lena.”

“I’m just being honest.” She joins you at the table, looking calm as ever even though you’re practically having a meltdown internally. “I’ve wanted you since I could want anyone like that.”

“You really shouldn’t say shit like that.”

“Why?”

“Because-”

“If you’re gonna use the best friend excuse again, it’s a shit one.” Yelena rolls her eyes, sipping her coffee. You cross your arms defiantly, earning an amused grin from the blonde. “If anything, she should be happy. She already likes you.”

“That will change the second I touch you.”

“So you do want to touch me?”

You bite your tongue. How the fuck does she keep coming at you so fast like this? You haven’t even finished your first damn cup of coffee. It’s too early for this.

“Yelena-”

“Oh! Sorry!” A familiar voice pulls your attention to the doorway. Wanda is standing there in one of Natasha’s shirts and a pair of pajama pants. There are hickeys all over her neck, her hair clearly messed up from a long night. “I didn’t hear you guys. Kitchen’s practically sound-proof.” She chuckles awkwardly, eyeing the coffee pot. “Is- is that fresh?”

“Yep, help yourself.” You nod and she quickly makes two cups of coffee. You and Yelena share a meaningful look, united in your opportunity to tease Natasha later.

“So, Yelena,” Wanda begins, cutting the silence. “Natasha said you got a scholarship here for lacrosse. That’s cool.”

“Yeah,” Yelena leans back in her seat, grinning. “Been at it since freshman year of high school. My grades were fine, but this was the only offer that was a full-ride.”

Wanda hums, eyeing the door with a soft expression. “That’s nice. I’ll see you guys later, yeah?”

When she leaves, you’re once again emerged in that strangely charged atmosphere that seems to gravitate between you and Yelena.

“I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not stick around to hear Natasha and Wanda go for round two.” She says, wrinkling her nose.

“Dunno, the kitchen is pretty soundproof apparently. This could be our only safe space for a few hours.” You say it flippantly, meaning it entirely as a joke, but suddenly Yelena looks like the cat who caught the canary.

“And what do you suggest we do to pass the time?” She asks.

“You’re right, a day out sounds great,” you stand so quickly the chair almost falls over. Yelena is cackling at you, but you ignore her. “Get dressed, jerk, we’re going into the city.”

- - - - -

“Ooh, this is cool,” Yelena eyes the vest with a hungry expression. 

You snort. “What, are you enlisting?”

She rolls her eyes. “Do you not see all of those pockets? I could fit so many things in there, you wouldn’t even know.”

You’ve been out with Yelena for the better part of three hours, and in that time you’ve come to realize how much you’d missed her. Not that you weren’t aware of it before, but it feels like the world was somewhat dull without her presence. Her sarcasm, her cleverness, her mischievous grin. 

She’s too endearing for your own good. 

And beautiful, too. You think that’s the worst part. You often just find yourself looking at her, in awe of how she looks and speaks and acts. Still so confident in herself and everything she does, in the most mundane situations. Right now, as she pulls on the vest to look at herself in the mirror, she looks lovelier than ever. 

Oh no, you think distantly. This was not a good idea! 

“What do you think?” She asks, giving herself a long once over before turning to look at you. “I look good, right?”

You smile, unable to resist it. “You look very cool.”

“I knew it!” She hisses under her breath, turning back to the mirror. She really is cute. She catches your gaze through the reflection, winking when your eyes meet. You blush, deciding the floor is very interesting and a thousand times cooler than anything else in the store.

“Damn, it’s thirty-six dollars,” Yelena sighs. 

“I’ll buy it for you,” you offer without thinking about it.

Yelena throws her arms around your neck and for a horrifying moment you brace yourself for her lips to meet yours. Instead, she hugs you, and you have to force yourself to relax again.

“You’re so sweet, thank you,” she gushes.

You’re in deep shit, you just know it.

Natasha calls you around two to ask where you and Yelena were. By this point, you’d made your way to a little cafe, where you ended up talking about what happened in your years of separation. Yelena is relentlessly flirty, apparently keen on proving to you that you’re attracted to her and you certainly aren’t making a good case for yourself what with all the blushing and, admittedly, occasional flirtatious comment.

When you tell her where you are, Natasha says she and Wanda will join you.

“Aw, and I was enjoying our date,” Yelena pouts when you tell her the news.

“This was a date?” You ask with an amused snort.

“Of course it was. You bought me this nice vest and breakfast, and you also just bought me coffee.” Yelena rolls her eyes, as if it were obvious.

“Do me a favor and don’t ever call this a date in front of Natasha. I like my blood inside of my body.” You warn.

“So you agree, then?” Yelena brightens. “This is a date?”

“Yelena-”

“I’m just repeating what you said,” she bats her eyelashes innocently.

You sigh, rolling your eyes and pointedly not responding. She seems to take this as a victory, since she’s still in a happy mood by the time Natasha and Wanda join you.

“Cool vest,” Wanda compliments, sitting beside Yelena while Natasha takes the seat beside you. 

“Thanks,” Yelena grins, “(Y/N) bought it for me.”

“What, did she ‘forget’ to bring her wallet?” Natasha scoffs, earning a pout from her sister.

“It’s a few belated birthday presents,” you excuse, heart warming just a little more when Yelena’s eyes meet yours again. Her lips are ever so slightly curved upwards, an almost unnoticeable smile.

You spend another hour or two at the cafe before Yelena complains about having to stay at a dorm her first year. 

“Moving in with you guys would be so much easier,” she sighs. 

“We only have two bedrooms.” Natasha snorts. “I’m not sharing my bed with you, you’re a violent sleeper.”

“Am not!” Yelena gasps, clutching her chest. “That is a baseless accusation.”

“You literally punched me in the face once.” Natasha scowls.

You burst out with laughter. You were actually there for that one. You were all still pretty young, so you managed to squeeze into a small tent in Natasha’s backyard. Yelena practically begged to be between you, but Natasha was right: she’s a violent sleeper. She kicked a lot, but she was always facing away from you, so it was always Natasha who got kicked. When Natasha tried to turn Yelena over to face you because you were laughing at Natasha, the blonde woke up and suckerpunched Natasha with such impressive accuracy you couldn’t stop laughing.

“Keep laughing, (Y/N),” Natasha warns, “and I’ll start thinking you two are up to something.”

You have to fight the very sudden rise of panic in your chest. What the hell are you worried for? You aren’t up to anything! This wasn’t even a date!

“You’ve caught us,” Yelena recovers, casting you a sly smirk. “We’re conspiring against you.”

“I fucking knew it.” Natasha throws a balled up napkin at her sister.

- - - - -

It’s the last Saturday before school starts. Since the party on Wednesday, Natasha and Wanda have been entirely consumed with one another and Yelena has decided that tormenting you is her favorite pastime. When she drops by unannounced, she makes it a point to tease you and flirt with you when Natasha isn’t watching or listening.

Even worse, when you go to sleep, you keep dreaming about her. Yelena has become a permanent fixture in the back of your mind, always a second-thought. You hate yourself for it. You should be thinking of Natasha first, and how goddamn betrayed she’d feel if you went off and slept with her baby sister.

You’ve decided tonight is going to be a good night to get absolutely wasted. 

It’s not going well.

You’re on drink two and you’ve moved to the dancefloor at the behest of Natasha. She’s introducing you to someone whose name you don’t quite catch. She’s hot, sure, but you’re too confused and stressed to really listen. 

The more Yelena hung out with you, the more you were starting to question what it was, exactly, you were feeling about her. She’s Natasha’s sister, yes, and you’ve known her for years. Practically grew up with her. Her friendship was always a valued one, even if she was younger, but suddenly all of that is fogged up by this… great, big something she’s implanted in your brain. 

You want to scream. Or cry. Or forget yourself.

Yes, that last option is too appealing right now.

It’s easy for a while. You let the woman - Carol - dance with you provocatively, her hands gripping your waist in a way that, typically, you’d definitely enjoy. Even when you can feel her hard muscles moving against you, you can’t quite stay in the moment long enough. You keep picturing Yelena behind you, arms around you, hands moving from your waist to your sides. It feels good - you’re definitely turned on - but it’s not what you want and that’s all the more frustrating.

Carol, swaying her hips flush against yours, leans down until her lips brush against your ear. “Wanna come back to mine?”

You should. You should definitely go back to Carol’s.

But you can’t.

“I’m actually feeling a little, uh, lightheaded,” you separate from her, trying not to wince at the kicked puppydog expression on her face. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” she recovers quickly, smiling. “Need a ride to your place?”

You shake your head, swallowing your agitation. “I’m fine. I could use the fresh air. Thank you, though.”

“Can I at least get your number?”

Because you feel guilty, and because you can feel Natasha eyeing you questioningly from a few feet away, you give Carol your number before slipping through the dancing bodies. Natasha catches you by the wrist before you go, raising an eyebrow in a silent question.

“Just nervous about school,” you lie smoothly. “I’ll see you at home?”

“I’m going to Wanda’s after, actually,” Natasha smiles fondly at the woman still rolling her hips in time with the music. “But I’ll see you at some point tomorrow?”

You nod, giving a polite wave to Wanda before finally escaping the club.

The night is blissfully cool on your overheated skin. You can’t believe how worked up you’d actually been. Maybe you should go back and take Carol up on her offer-

No, that wouldn’t be right. Carol is definitely into you, and she seems really sweet. You shouldn’t just fuck her because you can’t stop thinking about wanting to fuck your best friend’s sister.

Oof.

You don’t think you’ve actually finished that thought before.

God, I’m a horrible friend. You think bitterly, beginning the short walk back to your apartment.

Your mind isn’t any clearer by the time you get home, but you become very sober when you realize the lights are all on and the TV is making noise from the living room. Grabbing the baseball bat you keep by the door, you creep towards the living room on high alert.

“Do you really think a serial killer wouldn’t remove the only weapon you have by the front door while breaking in?” A familiar voice makes you go rigid. Of course. Of course that’s exactly how your night would go. Perfect. Fucking perf- “Are you just gonna stand there like an idiot or are you going to put the stupid bat down?”

You blush, setting the bat aside while muttering several expletives under your breath. Sure enough, Yelena has made herself perfectly at home on the couch. 

“It’s a Saturday night, don’t you have a life? How did you even get in?” You ask, crossing your arms and leaning against the doorway that leads from the front hall to the living room, the edge of the kitchen door tempting you to just hide until Yelena leaves.

“Well, I heard Natasha and Wanda were going out, so I figured you’d be home alone.” She shrugs. “And Nat gave me a key.” She dangles the object with a grin.

“What, you thought I wouldn’t go out to a club with them?” You shake your head with a scoff. “I’m not a total shut-in.”

“You totally are, but whatever.” She snorts, scooting over and patting the spot next to her. You eye her with blatant suspicion and she laughs. “What?”

“Nothing,” you mutter, reluctantly sitting beside her with a decent amount of cushion space between you. She’s watching some classic movie no doubt from Natasha’s collection that she keeps hidden in her room.

Your phone vibrates in your pocket. You pull it out, withering further into the guilty haze you’d left the club in.

Hey, it’s Carol :) If you change your mind, don’t hesitate to ask ;)

“Who’s that?” Yelena asks, peering at your phone.

You shove it back into your pocket with a scowl. “Nobody important.”

“Bullshit. You know you’re not a good liar.”

You glare at her, but it does nothing. She holds your gaze evenly, almost patiently. It makes you even angrier at her, at yourself, at the way your stupid body won’t fucking listen to reason. “Just a girl I met at the club tonight. She’s a little… eager to see me again.”

There’s a brief look of hurt on Yelena’s face, but it’s so brief you almost don't notice it. “Oh? What’s her name?”

“Carol.”

“Danvers?”

You shrug. “Maybe.”

She scoffs. “You can do better.”

“Yelena,” you begin warningly, disliking the abrupt change in atmosphere. 

“What? I’m being honest.”

“She seems… nice.”

“Just ‘nice’?”

“We didn’t exactly talk much.”

“Oh, so you were-”

“I wasn’t doing anything because I couldn’t stop thinking about you, actually.” You snap, unable to control yourself. You want to sound angry, but really you just sound tired. “Fucking Christ, Yelena. I can’t get you out of my head.”

Her expression brightens considerably at this. She moves closer, and you’re once again snared by those damn green eyes and that dumb cocky smirk that you’ve come to associate with Yelena. “Really?”

“We really, really shouldn’t do this.” You state, hoping you sound stronger than you actually feel.

“And why’s that?” She tilts her head, amused. “Because of my sister? She should give you her blessing. Who else would be better for me than someone she already approves of?”

You don’t like how reasonable she sounds when she’s breathing the same air as you, her eyes searching yours. 

“She’s going to kill me if-”

“If.”

There’s something magical about the word ‘if’. Maybe dancing with Carol had you more worked up than you’d thought. You wish you could blame it on the alcohol but with Yelena so close you’re achingly sober. Maybe there are no excuses for what happens next. 

Yelena’s lips find yours with absolute raw lust. Part of you hoped that just doing this, just kissing her, will satiate the longing for her that plagues your mind. (The rest of you knows better than to be stupid enough to believe that.)

Like with everything she does, Yelena kisses like she has something to prove. Maybe she does. You don’t care because it’s making your mind go completely blank and your body is buzzing with a million galaxies being born under her attention. You drink her in like a woman starved, drowning in her scent and her taste and the feeling of her hands curling into your hair and pulling you closer, closer, closer.

She’s on top of you, you aren’t sure how it happened. Her lips and her teeth and tongue are on your neck, finding places that pull quiet sounds from the back of your throat. You can feel her smirking against your skin, god- 

You are a horrible, horrible best friend.

(Why is it getting harder to care?)

You shove aside the guilt. You want this. You need this. 

“I’ve thought about how you’d feel like this for so long,” Yelena breathes against you. You’re positive she’s just left a wicked hickey. It makes you bite back a moan. “How you’d sound,” she continues, fingers dancing along the edges of your shirt, earning a quiet whimper. You let her pull it off of you, and she’s already unbuttoning your jeans. “How you’d taste,” she purrs, kissing down to your collarbone. She moves between your breasts, placing deliberate, wet, hot kisses wherever she pleases, more often than not leaving a dark red mark behind. When she eases your jeans off of your legs, she kisses your thighs and you’re so fucking desperate your hips twitch involuntarily.

Yelena laughs throatily, tossing aside the clothes with such smug pleasure it makes your teeth itch. “So sensitive,” she notes, almost carelessly tracing the edge of your bra. “Or are you just that desperate for me to fuck you?”

“God, Yelena,” you rasp. This is very much not the rambunctious freshman that ran after your mom’s shitty old sedan. Time has turned Yelena into the perfect weapon against you. Go figure. 

Where the fuck did your bra go?

Your fingers curl tightly in her hair when lips wrap around one of your nipples. Finding it harder to keep your noises at bay, a small whimper escapes you when teeth graze against the sensitive skin. Yelena hums against you, eyes flickering up to meet yours. She switches to your other breast, one of her hands slipping between your legs to rub against you through your panties. 

Her smirk is wider than ever when she pulls away from your breast. “Fucking soaked, just as I thought.”

“Shut up,” you huff.

In an instant, she has your hands pinned above your head. You stare up at her, dumbfounded. “How the hell did you get so strong?” You ask, unable to resist doing so.

She bites her lip, fighting a smile. “You should mind your manners. For being so rude, I’m going to make you beg for it.”

You gape at her. “What? You’re the one who said you wanted to- that you’ve been wanting to-”

“Yes,” she hums, leaning down so that she can place more marks on your neck. How the hell you’ll hide those monsters in the morning, you’ve got no idea. “But I like taking my time. You, however,” she snaps the waistband of your panties against your skin, earning a hiss of pain and pleasure. “You don’t seem like you’ll last very long.”

Yelena brings a lot out in you, apparently. You’ve never really considered yourself ‘bratty’ or anything before. But the idea of doing exactly what Yelena doesn’t want you to do is so goddamn tempting. Maybe because you know she’s going to make it very much worth it in the end. Yelena has always been one to keep promises.

“No.” 

Your answer takes her by surprise, certainly, but she recovers quickly. She looks delighted, even, when she leans back just enough to look you in the eye.

“No?” She repeats slowly. “You sure about that, malyshka?”

You nod, mouth incredibly dry.

Yelena growls under her breath, returning to her assault on your neck while her free hand starts to massage your already sensitive breasts. You suck in a sharp breath, decidedly holding back any noises you want to make. Yelena catches on fast to your ploy by the time she pushes a knee between your thighs to put just enough pressure against your core to make your body feel like it’s on fire.

“Oh, don’t hold back, milaya. I want to hear those pretty little noises you make,” Yelena croons, rolling her hips so that a delicious friction temporarily relieves the growing agony between your legs. You hiss out a curse, hands straining uselessly against the one Yelena uses to keep you firmly in place. “Aw, you want more?”

“I want you in less clothes,” you huff impatiently. 

“You haven’t earned that yet.” Yelena tuts, her free hand now dipping beneath your panties. She finds the pool of wetness waiting for her there and hums lowly. A keening sound that doesn’t resemble any sort of sound you’ve ever made before escapes you, unbidden. “All you have to do is ask nicely, malyshka,” she drawls, “and I’ll make you feel so good.”

With another roll of her hips, Yelena has your resolve reduced to ashes.

“Please,” you whine. “Please, Yelena.”

“Please what?” 

You try not to roll your eyes. “Please fuck me. I need you to fuck me, I want you to make me-” you’re cut off by a long, deep moan that escapes you very unexpectedly when Yelena’s fingers plunge into you without warning. A new look of victory crosses Yelena’s face, lips quirking up into a grin as she watches you with rapt attention, taking note of what makes you break your internal vow of silence.

When she adds a thumb to your clit, you’re incoherently begging for more.

“More?” Yelena taunts. “Greedy thing, aren’t you?”

“Please, please, more,” you rasp. Pathetic. 

“Mm, I love hearing you ask so nicely,” Yelena praises. You’re trembling beneath her touch, now. “Beg me again. One more time malyshka.”

“Please, Yelena,” you meet her eyes desperately. “Please, I need more.”

“Okay, alright,” Yelena hums her low laugh into your skin, lowering herself until she’s between your legs. “You can have more, dorogoy. You can have everything you want if you keep being good for me.” You’ll do anything she fucking asks if she keeps-

With your hands freed, nothing stops you from grasping at Yelena’s t-shirt while a long, wonton moan rips itself from your throat. Yelena is eating you out like she was born to do it. It’s amazing how quickly she’s learned to make you fall apart - or maybe you’ve really just been anticipating this enough to make it feel that way - but it isn’t long before you’re reduced to mindless, senseless noises that could be full sentences but you aren’t sure.

Yelena hums when one of your hands grips her hair, hips trying hard to move against her. She uses the hand not currently pounding into you to hold your hips down, not allowing them to budge even an inch as she drives you closer and closer to the edge. When her fingers curl and press against a spot inside of you that makes you see stars, your orgasm hits you without warning.

The blonde is relentless. She doesn’t slow down, just focuses harder on fucking you deep, deep, deep until another climax ripples through you. She waits until you’re a sweating, trembling mess before finally slowing down enough for you to catch your breath.

Yelena places several kisses along your body while she returns to your lips, and this kiss is different from the others. Softer, less rushed. You dare even say it’s passionate. You return the kiss lazily, body limp between aftershocks of pleasure while Yelena slowly withdraws her fingers.

She only pulls back from the kiss to pop her fingers in her mouth, sucking on them obscenely before kissing you again and letting you taste yourself on her tongue. Fuck. Your hands move to her waist, pulling her flush against you. 

This time when she pulls away, Yelena is smiling. Not the smug, cocky smile that you’d been expecting. It’s a real one, a bright one that reminds you sharply of the little girl you grew up with. If you had any doubts before that she’s wanted this for a long time, they’re gone in an instant when you see the joy in her eyes.

Instead of letting the guilt take hold, you press a soft kiss to her lips and smile lazily at her. “I want to make you feel good, too.”

Her eyes search your face, like she can’t really believe that you’re requesting this, but she nods and starts working on her vest - the vest you’d bought for her, you realize with a shocking amount of satisfaction - and shirt. 

With every inch of skin newly exposed, you run your fingers along it or skim kisses in spots that make Yelena inhale sharply. She’s not as vocal as you are, but her hums of encouragement are damn hot so you’re not complaining. She seems very content to be on top of you, apparently, and that’s just fine. Once her pants and panties are off, you reach down between her legs while placing kisses along her neck and shoulder.

You both let out quiet moans when you find the wetness waiting for you there. You wish you could feel more smug about it, but honestly you’re just eager to make her feel something for the way she’s worked you up this week.

You make small, teasing circles against her clit, feeling her hips move in time with the motions. Your kisses move to her jaw, and when her mouth meets yours you slip your fingers inside of Yelena and swallow the resulting groan.

She rides your fingers with reckless abandon. She keeps placing purposeful kisses to your neck, your shoulder, your jaw, collarbone - Yelena is intent on making sure you don’t forget the occasion. When you add a third finger and curl your hand so that she can rub her clit against the heel of your palm, Yelena bites down hard. Without even being touched, you suddenly find yourself dangerously close to having another orgasm; a broken, strangled whine slipping free.

Yelena moans, her breath hot on your ear. She moves until her thigh is pressing against you again, her hips rolling freely against the fingers inside of her. It causes just enough friction to make you clumsy in your thrusts, brain and body fighting for control.

“Come with me,” Yelena murmurs, and just like that, you’re both teetering over the edge together. Your body has officially turned into a twitching, useless mass of limbs. Your breath lingers with Yelena’s as she quakes with aftershocks of her own climax, and when you’re able to breathe again she connects your lips.

It’s lazy, it’s messy. Your hands rest on Yelena’s waist now, the blonde’s body resting on top of yours while her arms rest on either side of you. You’re incredibly tired - and a little bit thirsty, but you’re way too comfortable to move right now. Yelena is warm, and it feels nice having her this close. 

When she ends the kiss, she places another quick peck to your lips before resting her forehead against yours. You already feel guilty, but there’s just too much coziness in the afterglow of this moment. Yelena’s eyes are searching yours for something, her smile tender.

“I really have wanted this. For a while.” She says quietly.

“I know.” You move one hand up to tuck her hair behind her ear. 

“I missed you.” She leans into your touch, never breaking your gaze.

“I know,” you repeat, kissing her gently. “I missed you, too.”

Guilt be damned, Yelena’s smile is worth it.

~ part 2 ~

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