#this world's lonely. but i'll rise above it like i always have

[marsprincess889]

JYESHTA

The battle, the loneliness and the cost of victory

Mercury ruled, Mars's sign.

A very lonely nakshatra indeed. Jyeshta means "the eldest" and it's also known as "the best". But what does that all mean?

To understand Jyeshta, we have to remember that it's fully in the sign of Scorpio. The previous nakshatra- Anuradha, also fully in Scorpio, is its yoni consort. Scorpio is the natural ruler of the 8th house of death, transformation and the occult. It's shrouded in secrecy, yet Jyeshta nakshatra still manages to be one of the most notorious lunar mansions.

Jyeshta's symbol is a round protective talisman or an umbrella. It's ruling deity is Indra- the lightning god and the king of the gods, who is covered in eyes and thus sees everything. The goddess associated with Jyeshta is Dhumavati- an old hag who's always hungry. Jyeshta natives are known for their success in the material realm, but little do most know that there's a lot more to it than that.

We begin the story of Jyeshta with a somewhat outcasted underdog. They're not that understood, they are independent by nature, and most importantly, they do not trust a soul. Why so defensive, some might ask, but that's the eyes from which Jyeshtas see the world. Despite humble begginings, they're usually not pitied or treated as a victim. Since they do not like asking for help, they rarely get it, and honestly, that's the way they like it.

The underdog enters the world stage, immideately attracting attention because they do not follow anyone else's rules, but rather- their own. They have their uniqueness that protects them. Combat by combat, they defeat each and every one of their opponents and soon are seen as a new threat. With that comes jealousy, with jealousy comes resentment and/or respect. With all that comes fear. Jyeshta's power is "to rise, conquer and gain courage in battle". The battle is life, but what does it mean to rise and conquer? How does one outsmart their opponents? The answer is you simply do not fight them.

When you view someone as an opponent you automatically set yourself up for losing. The opponents are equals but since you're an individual and since you know that you can't trust anyone but yourself, why would you play by their rules? Why would you equate yourself to them? Jyeshtas honor their own uniquness by protecting their energy (mercury rulership, very similar to Ashlesha) and learning their lesson from the previous mercury-ruled nakshatra- Ashlesha, they only engage in a fight with worthy opponents. Jyeshtas know they're only one worthy opponent for them and that's themselves. So, they just work on being better and better, not getting distracted by petty and unimportant squabbles, literally rising above the unnessecary conflict and thus conquering everything they rose above.

But is success all there is to life? Jyeshta is the survivor, always thinking about the next step and enjoying the independence despite being so widely disliked because of their difference, because of their uniqueness and success. Sure, they're content being themselves, but as natural loners they struggle with emotional intelligence, hence their reputation as insensitive jerks for masculine people or rude bitches for feminine people.

A Jyeshta story- The Queen's Gambit

I want to analyze a fictional Jyeshta story that has been brought to life on screen- The Queen's Gambit. The writer of the novel - Walter Tevis had Ketu in Jyeshta nakshatra. Ketu represents your stored primal creative energy, past lives, the past in general, the father's lineage and a person's daemon. A daemon is basically the opposite sex version of you who is the personification of your creative and sexual energy. Walter Tevis wrote about the archetype of a Jyeshta woman, making her the protagonist of his story. Considering that I haven't read the book, I'll analyze the Netflix series that it inspired.

Chess overall is a very Jyeshta game. It's a competitive sport but it requires concentration, intelligence, discipline, talent and skill. If you make one miscalculation, then you're lost.

SPOILERS AHEAD

Our protagonist, Beth Harmon, begins as an 8 year old girl who lost her mother and was taken to an orphanage. There she never looked at elders the same way that others did, having a critical mind and an independence and uniqueness to her that set her apart from others from an early age. She was exceptionally good at maths and unusually so, considering her age. One day, she goes into the basement and finds the custodian_ Mr. Shaibel playing chess with himself. She's immideately drawn to the game and doesn't leave him alone until he explains the rules. Since then, she's hooked.

She eventually leaves the orphanage, getting adopted by a childless couple at 15. She already thinks like an adult and treats her new mother's authority like it's nothing and she's not really challenged in that. Jyeshta is the stage where you're the authority, you're the only one who's responsible for yourself, you're the eldest, the wisest and that energy makes others want to depend on you in one way or another. It's where you find the strength in yourself to make everyone else submit. So, Beth started to earn money by playing chess. It's important to note that her new mother had a drinking problem and despite that, Beth didn't drink herself before she thought she deserved it. Only after achieving some success does she slowly start getting addicted to substances, her addiction increasing as her success grew bigger.

Being the best in the game was not exactly easy for Beth, as she struggled with her love life. Jyeshtas are often not concerned with the emotional aspect of life, despite having a certain sensuality to themselves. They're naturally closed off and because of that many people find them mysterious. They won't hesitate to to attack anyone though, but their every move is calculated and planned.

Beth was bullied at school and that's a common Jyeshta theme (see my The Princess Diaries post) but she never paid any attention to it and later we see the mean girl she was at school with living a completely different life than her- the one that she would not want. The scene perfectly captures the difference between the Jyeshta archetype and the masses. Jyeshta is focused on winning, defeating themselves and by that defeating their opponents so they have little time for anything else. In contrast, her high school classmate was married and with a child, living a typical suburban American life.

In another scene, we see her success and loneliness turn to arrogance and rudeness as she encounters and old opponent, friend and ex-lover who was living a simple life and showed his contentment with that. That shows a more negative and quite a sad side of the Jyeshta archetype.

She hits rock bottom, starts to lose her focus and at the last minute, when she has no money to fly to Moscow for the tournament, a helping hand comes in. We'll get into why she accepts that help.

Her helper was her childhood friend from the orphanage_ Jolene, who was snarky and honest to her from the start. It's very telling that she was Beth's first friend. Jyeshta is a full-circle moment, it's the growing into your own power after you've defeated your past self, after you've managed to move on from past pains. When Beth had had closure with Jolene and after attending Mr. Shaibel's funeral, she goes into the orphanage and enters the basement. She sees how he had all the newspaper pages about Beth taped to the wall. Beth breaks down and cries. After confronting the core part of herself, she accepts help from Jolene because she's already healed that part of herself, so she'll have no unwelcome ties with Jolene, only the one she chose. She's conquered herself from that time and now is free to rule it. The only thing that was left to do was to go out there and be herself, because after you defeat yourself, there's truly no one else to defeat.

She defeats the Soviet champion and and makes peace with all parts of herself. When she's about to leave Moscow Beth gets out of the car and takes a walk, truly enjoying life. With the war with herself behind, she remembered why she's so good at chess, because she truly loves it so much. She enjoyed the competition and the tension, she loved the battle. There was no reason not to, not when she was unafraid of being who she was. After all these combats, she realized that there was only one real enemy-herself, and defeating that enemy requires bravery, the strength to bear the hardship and skill, a lot of skill to survive and all of that based on cunning.

When you realize that, the world is your oyster. It's all a game, and it's your game, you're alone.

She sees a big group of old men playing chess with each other in a park. Beth stops by, and the men, recognizing her, invite her to play. Beth sits down, smiling, knowing they'll both enjoy the game she takes her gloves off and says...

If you liked this PLEASE like, comment or reblog, or even message me. If you have jyeshta or if you know them or if you like The Queen's Gambit, definitely let me know what you think. This was a bit stressful, considering my ketu is in jyeshta and it was not easy to dig into the deepest parts of myself. This series came out while i was going through a ketu antardasha that shook me to the core and it spoke to me so much. Anyways, thanks for reading, love you and take care 🤍.

[yostresswritinggirl]

Pagtingin

"I'll just wait for the wind to sweep away my words."

Scaramouche/Wanderer x Fem!Reader.

Fluff; keeping your feelings secret; glimpses of Wanderer before he got his memories back; classic Scaramouche behavior; feel good story.

Heeey, @monicahar, guess I'm your secret santa uwu you know how much I love angst so know how I tried my very best to make this as fluff and kinda crack as you wished! I have FOUR retakes of this because I'm writing for the Scaramouche master writer (first one got rejected cuz it's quite angsty but I hope you liked it!)

"Mr. Sandman, sand me a saaand," you take a sighing pause, breathing in, and starting again. "Dendro archon, send me a siiiign -"

"What the hell are you singing about?"

"Wanderer!" And there he was in all his glory, arms crossed and stare full of judgment yet stuck to you as you stumbled across the room to reach the windowsill, opening the window to see that - yep, he's floating in mid-air.

The high rising moon behind him framed his ethereal form so beautifully, as if he was a messenger of Celestia ready to take you to the skies above.

You cough to your hand.

His squint lightens, descending to sit on the windowsill so you wouldn't have to crane your neck awkwardly to maintain eye contact.

"There's that Wanderer I know."

The sweet lost foreigner that first stepped foot into Sumeru City with eyes filled with innocent wonder. As a proud citizen and a strange sense of responsibility, you approached the then stranger for an impromptu tour around the humble place, something that he seemed to have needed desperately.

You still remember when he asked about where the sunsettias and harra fruits could be found, in case his employer needed to restock his stall. Of all the beauty that no other nation could compare, he wanted to know where the fruits are.

Safe to say your sudden guffaw had him spooked for a bit, but are you really to blame for how adorable he is for being so new to the world like he is?

It was a nice surprise too when you stumbled upon his fabled stall in the Grand Bazaar one day while he was tending to customers, flustered from the rush hour and his lack of training. Despite not needing it, you willed yourself to buy a watermelon just to talk to him again and give him a better customer service experience.

"Thank you for your purchase - ah, and come again sometime!"

You had to eat watermelon slices for a week because of that impulse buy, but his shy smile was worth the diet change.

But then his overall demeanor changed when you found an anemo vision hanging near his chest, at the same day that he left his merchant work with a blonde traveler. The Wanderer you knew didn't glare like that, talk like that, act like that. It was so quiet between you two, and it felt like he was sizing you up, unsure what to do with you.

"Hey!" His indigo eyes watched you place your hands on your hips with an annoyed huff. "You can't act like this just cuz you got a vision now, getting one doesn't mean you have to change up on me. We're friends still!"

And while his huff and eye roll are baffling to see on your sweet Wanderer, you can't deny his smirk suits him perfectly.

"Look who's the lonely one now." He clicks his tongue, mockingly, yet there were no apparent venom in his words. Back when he asked why you were hanging around him, you told him that he looked lonely too.

("Why are you doing all this? For me? Someone who's -" his Adam's apple bobbed so harshly as he gulped. "A stranger." The way he said those words sounded strangely strained.

"I just thought you looked quite lonely," you settled with no double meanings or deep words those scholars in the Akademiya tend to use. There's no need to beat around the bush with him. Leaning over your stall, you dipped your head under his hat to level his gaze more clearly. "Lonely and a lil confused, like you needed a friend.")

"Yeah, I missed you." He's always seemed like the type of person who wants the blatant truth.

"I -" And his actions had always been honest with you. What with the way he paused and avoided your stare, how he turns his head away and tilt his hat down to hide the expressions he's making. Perhaps your honesty doesn't just come from his preferences. "I suppose that's expected what with you being locked up here for - what? Eight days?"

"Almost nine." Heaving another sigh, your arms hang over the platform as you slump on the spot next to him.

Stuck in your dormitory room because of a flu you caught while out collecting data. While it's not life-threatening for anyone whatsoever, it's still contagious enough for the Akademiya to force you to self isolation until you got better. You haven't had contact with others in days, at least, that's what the Akademiya knows.

Wanderer stares at you with a look that screams out 'why the hell are you looking at me like that?' as you feel a smile force its way to your face, unable to hide it even from him. How could you when the man in front of you, no matter how many times you warned not to get close because of your flu, would only scoff about how ironic it was that you're the one saying those words.

You're thankful that he's confident of his immune system to keep visiting you like this.

He didn't have to visit every day the hour before your assigned bed time, but he's always here on the dot.

Despite the sudden change, Wanderer is still just as easy to read no matter how hard he tries not to be.

"Right, I almost forgot." You watch as he pulled out something wrapped in a beautiful blue furoshiki, the sweet smell already betraying the surprise before he unwraps the baklava for you. "You asked for some yesterday and I didn't want you to whine again."

"Pastries! Oh I love you so much!"

He can remember it so clearly that he could recreate every frame of the scene: The overwhelming feeling in his chest with the tightness in his throat, him opening his mouth before pressing his lips together before the first word could even come out.

Wanderer felt physical pain from the battle in his mind while you happily indulge in the pastry, blissfully unaware of the things you do to him.

Why was he here again after he got his memories back? Why does he keep coming back to this student that showed him around the city when he first arrived?

Lesser Lord Kusanali proposed to keep this connection instead of wallowing in self pity now that the world has forgotten him (that was his own doing), yet it was something that locked him in ball and chain despite having the conscious mind to get away.

Yet the way you immediately turn to him with an amused smile, "Something on your mind?" Easily defeated the clashing virtues debating in his mind. "You want a baklava?"

There was a pained expression on his face as he clutched his hand over his chest, he knows you've seen it no matter how he tried not to look like it. The Wanderer had always been so honest with you that's true, because it was so easy to just be him with you.

But that's not really him, is it?

Puppets like him don't need to breathe.

Yet at that time, perhaps Nahida was right that there really wasn't any difference between a human and a puppet.

"Do you think I deserve a second chance?" He let slip in front of the archon one day when his thoughts raged like the fires of a faraway furnace, too slow to bite his tongue and too frustrated to cover up with a 'forget it.'

Nahida, in contrast, takes time to think things through and watch his body language. From the way he avoids her stare and how his crossed arms looked more defensive of a different insecurity. The god of wisdom doesn't need to read minds to know this is an entirely different case.

"Let's put it this way, what's stopping you from thinking you don't deserve it?" Deserve her, more like.

And his old self would have said nothing, that he deserves everything he desires for all the efforts he had done to get to where he is now. But he's better than that now, no, he's better than that because of you.

Why must he be awkward around you?

Why must he be so hang up on every detail about him and you?

Why must he be so insecure of who he is and who you are?

"Because I'm not human," yet he uttered those words as if he was baffled by his own answer, eyes wide with confusion as he clutched his head. "Yet these days I feel like I'm one."

He practically all but shoved the poor pastry into his mouth, biting down with just a little too much force than intended. Fuck, he hates sweet things!

And so the puppet known as a human does his best to ignore your snickers with how his face contorts into irritation and disgust as the layers melt stickily in his mouth. Oh, he hates you, hates how much he loves you.

He hopes you don't blame him, it's hard to take a gamble with the only chance he's ever getting.

"How's your research going?"

"My proposal is ready, when I'm out of here, I wanna try and get funding to go conduct research in the desert."

"Mhm."

"Then I'll take you with me and tour you there too, I promise the views are worth it!"

"Alright, I'll hold you to it."

So for now, he will keep his peace until he's ready. He only hopes that when he confess his secrets, your opinion of him won't change.

He only hopes... when he reveals his feelings, your opinion of him won't change.

Maybe tomorrow, you'll be his. He can only hope.

This is loosely based on a song called Pagtingin, with English translations here! That's the vibe I'm going for where the singer is hesitating to confess his feelings because he's afraid that the person he loves would treat/see him differently if they don't share the same feelings.

Tagging: @maehemthemisfit @ireallylikehamsters @chuusposts

[bellofthemeadow]

Summer of '03 | Joel Miller x Female Reader

Series Masterlist

Rating: M for Mature (18 + no minors allowed)

Word Count: 2.8K

Warning: All warnings on the Series Masterlists, will update if necessary (Re-iterating, no minors allowed! Thank you)

Chapter Summary: You finally arrive in Texas, a world so different from your home in New York. You find that living next door is a man who confuses you. You can't figure out if he's just a stereotipically angry Redneck or the man of your dreams. Ah well, you've got the summer to figure the puzzle that is Joel Miller.

Notes: Hello everyone, welcome to my new story :D This one is going to be quite different from my last story as I am delving into the realm of enemies to lovers! I am so excited as I don't think that any other PedroBoys fits the bill las well as Joel Miller!!! LMK what you think of it, I always love to read what you think of my work and I would also be really stoke to speak with all of you.

I am also working on a taglist at present, so I should make a post probably tomorrow, so if you want to be added to the tagged post, let me know and I'll be happy to add you!

Hope you all enjoy :D

Welcome to Texas

Apparently, your entire life fits neatly into an 8x6 cardboard box, which is somewhat embarrassing. When you made the spontaneous decision to uproot your life and leave New York, little did you know that packing would only take 25 minutes and leave you with so little. However, every item inside that box was a testament to your independence. You had purchased each item with your hard-earned money, not relying on your parents or receiving them as gifts from an ex-boyfriend. Every single thing inside that box was truly yours.

As you set down the box in front of the small suburban house, you squint your eyes taking in your new home for the foreseeable future. You had to admit, it had a certain charm that you found refreshing. The tiny house was a stark contrast to the high-rise condo your family had in New York or the overly opulent summer home in the Hamptons where you’d spend your summer. This place felt nice and quaint, exuding a sense of simplicity that you were craving. The row of houses boasted a similar style, either one or two floors tall, constructed with reddish-coloured brick. The driveways were impressively large, accommodating even bigger trucks. It really does seem like 'everything is bigger in Texas'.

Everything about this neighbourhood screamed quiet suburbia. Since it was still early afternoon on a Sunday, you spied some kids zooming down the street on their bikes like a wild bunch of Tasmanian devils, while a cluster of older ladies powerwalked on the sidewalk and seemed deeply engrossed in their gossip. The sight made you chuckle, they kind of looked like a swarm of salmon with their pink velour tracksuit. You were kind of impressed. In this heat, the only thing you wanted to do was lie down on the cold floor for at least two hours or stick your head in the freezer for a minute—the jury was still out. But that was probably because of your New Yorker sensibilities. Most of the people you spotted going about their day seemed completely unfazed by what you would categorize as temperature from at least the 4th circle of hell.

You sighed and put your arms high above your head, interlacing your fingers and giving your back a much-needed stretch. As depressing as the sight of the lone cardboard box holding your entire life was, you were glad that you didn't have a lot of stuff to take with you from New York. The drive had been almost unbearable. As a New Yorker, you didn't have many opportunities to drive that often, and this trip had actually been the first time you had driven your brand-new Alfa Romeo GT. It was a Christmas gift from your grandma, chosen for both sentimental and practical reasons, and you decided to take it with you as you up hauled your life to literally the other end of the country.

No one in your family had understood why you wanted, no, needed to leave, except for Granny Mabel. While your parents scolded you as if you were still a pigtailed little girl, timidly requesting seconds at dinner, Granny Mabel simply glanced at you, winking beneath her oversized Givenchy glasses, as she took a generous sip of her red wine. In that fleeting moment, you knew that no matter what unfolded, you would have the approval of the lionesses of New York’s Upper East Side.

But after what felt like three days of almost non-stop driving, you were ready to declare that you didn't even want to look at your car for at least a week. You felt like you had your share of driving to last you a lifetime. Although you knew that wouldn’t really be possible. After all, Texas was not known for the same kind of public transportation as New York. Ah well, when in Rome—or in this case, Texas.

As a few neighbours started to cast curious glances your way, you became aware of the possibility that loitering around an empty porch on an early Sunday afternoon might raise suspicions. You opened your handbag and rummaged through it, moving aside packages of half-eaten candy bars, a couple of lipsticks, emergency wet wipes, and tampons before you finally found the paper your friend Robbie had given you before you left three days ago.

Scrawled in your friend's messy chicken scratch, were an address and a name: "Joel Miller." Beneath it, a hasty note explained, "Joel was Great Aunt Ruth's neighbour. He was helping her with the property ever since he and his daughter moved in next door. We asked him to hold onto the keys until someone could come to take care of the house after Aunt Ruth passed away. Joel knows you're coming. Take care, my dear, and I'll miss you. New York won't be the same without your judgy ass!"

A smile spread across your face as you read the words. Robbie had been the most important part of your life in New York. You both met during your first year of college. You were studying pre-med, while he pursued performing arts at NYU, dreaming of a future on Broadway. Instantly, you connected with each other. Despite your family's legacy of surgeons, you had always yearned to be on the stage. So, in your first year, you took a theatre elective and met Robbie. The two of you became inseparable. His apartment in Brooklyn provided a refuge from the suffocation you felt at home, and you ended up spending most nights there. By the fourth month of your friendship, you even started contributing to some of the utilities, although Robbie insisted you didn't have to. But you didn't mind. Your parents had money, and you used a lot of hot water, so it was the least you could do.

And now, here you were, on the other side of the country, ready to take a break and maybe have some fun! You silently prayed to any gods out there, hoping they would listen and guide you toward figuring out what you truly wanted in your life. Happiness seemed to be slipping away with each passing day, and you hoped this summer would bring some clarity. You looked back down at the piece of paper, making a mental note to call Robbie once you got inside the house to thank him and reassure him that you were alive after that long trip.

For now, you needed to escape the scorching heat before you melted away. Your hair was beyond recognizable because of the frizz humidity brought out, and sweat patches were forming under your armpits. You cringed at the situation but tried to reassure your growing anxiety: "Who cares what Joel Miller thinks? You thought. You've been through more embarrassing moments than being sweaty in front of a middle-aged dad." Memories of laugh-snorting vodka cranberry all over your crush Colin Robertson's shirt at a post-finals party two years ago came rushing back. You were convinced you had permanently stained his favourite white Lacoste polo with cranberry, judging by the disdainful looks he had given you ever since. So, dealing with a middle-aged redneck should be a breeze in comparison.

You hurriedly made your way to the neighbouring house, desperately hoping that Joel Miller would be there. The thought of being stuck outside indefinitely made you want to cry. You tugged at your jean shorts, which clung uncomfortably to your sweaty thighs, and adjusted your oversized "1991 - Walt Disney" t-shirt, a hand-me-down from your older brother. You tied it in a knot at the front, revealing a sliver of midriff. It dawned on you that you needed to buy more weather-appropriate clothes—an item added to your ever-growing to-do list.

As you stood in front of Joel Miller's house, you hesitated. What if Robbie had forgotten to inform him about your visit? Would Joel think you were some kind of psychopath? He’d definitely think you were a little crazy. Taking a deep breath, you firmly knocked on the wooden front door. When, after a solid minute, there was no response, a sinking feeling of disappointment washed over you, suggesting that Joel Miller might not be home after all. You decided to try ringing the doorbell—once, twice. As you debated whether to attempt a third ring or call Robbie, you heard noises from behind the door, followed by a loud exclamation, "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, give me a minute!"

You felt yourself turning pale, and you began fidgeting with your rings, mentally preparing yourself for whatever was about to happen next. The door was ripped open, and your temperature skyrocketed as you faced the man in front of you. Joel Miller was... not what you expected. He loomed before you, tall and imposing, with a mess of dishevelled brown hair crowning his head. What you first noticed was the broadness of his shoulders, it made your mouth go dry as you started to imagine what it would feel like to hold these shoulders in the throws of passion. You could almost picture yourself under him, naked and sweaty, holding unto him and leaving kitten scratches on his powerful back. Your eyes started to take the man in front of you, he was clad in low-hanging sweatpants, his powerful thighs and defined waistline were accentuated. Your gaze was transfixed on him, unable to look away. You were certain you spotted what had to be an impressive bulge in the front of his thin pants and you wanted nothing more than the check if he was as well endowed as he seemed to be. Joel Miller was a man unlike any you had encountered before, emanating a potent blend of masculine confidence and ruggedly handsome charm. You felt insignificant and childlike in your own outfit. What would he think of your sweat-soaked Disney shirt, your perspiring face, and your overall dishevelled appearance? You wished you could rewind time and change into one of your nice little baby-doll dresses, the one that deliciously played on innocence and sinful seduction, you always felt your most confident in them. At least, you wished you had freshened up before meeting this man. Your mother had always emphasized the importance of first impressions, and now, as you observed the fury in his warm brown eyes, it seemed like you had utterly shattered any chance of making a favourable first impression.

The deep baritone of his voice snapped you out of your reverie, as he demanded, "Who the hell are you?" You stammered, "Ehh, I am so sorry to bother you..."

"You better not tell me you some kinda salesman? 'Cause if ya woke me up from the only full sleep I’ve had in two weeks to sell me some bullshit air conditioning, Imma get real fuckin' mad!” You gulp and squirm under his angry stare. "I reckon the appropriate term is salespeople, to be inclusive, you know." Your voice squeaks in an embarrassing sound. What the hell was wrong with you? You weren't some kind of shrinking violet, but at this moment, under Joel Miller's hard stare, you felt like dying. Or at least digging a hole and hiding inside.

"I am really sorry to bother you, Mr. Miller," you try to muster a modicum of confidence, "I am a friend of Robbie Levitt." When Joel's face remained impassive, you felt like it was his permission to keep going. "He is… was Ruth Kaplan's nephew… ehh, the lady who lived…"

"I know who Mrs. Kaplan is," Joel Miller cuts you off and stares at you, squinting his eyes. "You that rich kid from New York?" You feel yourself groan inside, fucking Robbie babbling about your business to everyone. As much as you loved the guy, he was a complete gossip. You simply nod your head, feeling quite unable to say anything, completely tongue-tied.

"You’re late," Joel Miller's words are biting and sharp, and they are cutting into you, making you feel small and childish. "Late for... what? I'm not sure I follow," you say softly.

Joel Miller sighs loudly and shakes his head. "That Levitt kid told me you'd be here yesterday evening, waited late for you to come around, princess." You feel yourself grow even hotter, either from the embarrassment of seeming flaky or from the nickname; you aren't sure yet.

"Oh," you softly say. "I am sorry, I didn't realize. Robbie just said to be here over the weekend. I didn't realize you'd wait for me."

"So , what? You thought that because you some kind of rich important lady from the city you could waste my time? ‘Cause I’m just some redneck contractor from Texas, right? Who cares if you waste everyone’s time, imma right?” His stare is hard and you don’t know what to do or say without making him even more mad. “It’s not like that, I never thought… I am really sorry.” You settle for, thinking it’s your best bet so as to not antagonize him further.

A low growl, “It's fine," he responds curtly and abruptly. It doesn’t sound fine; you think as he looks like he is 5 seconds away from slamming the door in your face. But my god, everything about this man is hard, his words, his face… his body. You don't know if you should love it or hate it, but as your eyes fall to his hard pectorals you feel yourself falling into the former category. "Wait here." He disappears inside his house before returning with a set of keys he promptly drops into your hands. "Here you go."

"Thank you ever so much, Mr. Miller. And I am really sorry again about last night… And for waking you up and everything" You cringe as a dismissive twitch of the head serves as his feeble reply. As you pivot away, trudging along in a pitiful display of humiliation toward Ruth's house, the air fills with Joel Miller’s deep voice once again “Here's a life tip, sweetheart. When someone doesn't answer the door, maybe ya need to take a hint. Not all of us can afford endless days off or live in a rent-free house. Some of us have real jobs, princess, and those of us that do appreciate every bit of peace we can get.”

You feel like crying, tears gathering up in your eyes, but you won't let them fall. You won't give Joel Miller the satisfaction of knowing that he made you cry. So, you settle, "Sure... I apologize for everything. I didn't mean to be a bother." No answer, so you take it as your cue to leave, feeling dismissed like a child at school.

You turn around and try to muster your best fake smile, the same one you used for your mother and father and give a little wave. "Hope you can get back to sleep soon. I'll make sure to not be in your way again." And you scurry away as fast as your legs can.

Summer of fun and discovery is off to a great start, you think sarcastically, as you rip Aunty Ruth’s door open and let the tears fall. Goddamn it, why did you have to antagonize the most handsome man you'd ever seen in your entire life? Joel Miller, you think. You should despise him. He was unnecessarily mean and condescending. Sure, you had been in the way, but how were you to know he would be sleeping at 1 pm on a Sunday? You groan, at this point anyway, he probably loathed you. Yet, strangely enough, you had never encountered a man who could twist your insides as intensely as he did. In the 5 minutes conversion you had with him, you felt your inside growing hot and your belly erupting in a million of butterflies. You wonder what his eyes would be like if they weren’t hard and angry. They were brown and warm, so you imagined how they would feel raking over your skin with longing or desire. Yeah, that’s not going to happen, you think as your mind cringes back to the awful words he said.  

Joel Miller. Even the mere sound of his name left a strong, lingering flavour in your mouth. You squirm, feeling conflicted, not knowing whether to yearn for his strong domineering presence or simply try your best to avoid him like the plague this summer. You shake your head, you'll sort out your feelings, or whatever hormones this man triggered, later. Right now, you just need to find the damn freezer and try to cool down. However, after meeting Joel Miller, you're well aware that the fire inside you will continue to burn hard for some time.

Next Chapter

[strebcr]

Songs I associate with Streber

Tagged by: @mancfmystery

Tagging: Steal it nerds

Fake Meme

The “truth” is cruel and merciless. The “truth” is cold and sometimes painful If you’re bitten, you’ll get attacked by a deadly poison. That’s why I was desperate to keep myself dressed up. I don’t like my “true” self I can’t show my “true” self. If I expressed who I truly am, you’d think I’m lame. That’s why I was desperate to stay in step with others. That’s why I was desperate to hide my torn sеam.

I beg you

Yet sorrow still follows, endlessly pouring down like rain. Rising then falling, All my desires washed away. Will there be nothing? The scars I bear, the memories shared. Will they have to disappear. As if they were never here, and still I dream a dream that one day we’ll be free. A world filled with light is on the other side, and so my final wish to you my beloved: Escape from this hell, reach out to the heavens up above

It was a very beautiful June

Although the world dies underneath our own feet, still it spins. Powered by all of our muttered nonsense. The ending approaches, I dream of one wish. Let the world be burning!

Fermata

Leave me behind when my hands can never, seem to reach the audience

In Iolite

You hung your heart on the lifeline. Lit up inside, Stay a little bit longer. Let's go a little bit further! Staying up all night, flying colored kites. It's just another year, so let's get out of here

Abricot

When it all finally crashes down. Let's leave this town, and run away. Starting today I am loving this life. Let's run away right?

Thank you for being born

Please don’t leave it be. Please don’t leave me be. Till you find me please, till the shards are broken. Of that summer day besides the sea. It won't return alone~

Dear you (Hope)

Today will be the same as always; no one hears my voice, It seems like everyday's the same and I don't get a choice. This seems to be the story of our world that is in need, So I'll continue praying again oh so quietly. I will go on, so please dont worry about me. I just want you to remain happy!

Lonely

He wasn't scared, he was terrified! He was alone, he was sure he was gonna die alone. He felt a tear and he multiplied. He let go, and it felt kinda like he was going home.

Love it

Is it okay if I trust you? My eyes swollen and red, I'm sickened by fake love again and again. I can’t say valiantly and with pride that “I’m glad I was born”. But I want to tell you how I feel. I love it, is it okay if I trust you? I love it, do I want to stay as a weak rabbit for the rest of my life?

[mcflymemes]

BARRY MANILOW LYRICS *  sentence prompts

i never realized how happy you made me.

i could love you.

there you are, looking just the same as you did last time i touched you.

i tried to tell you there's trouble on the way.

they'll never understand.

even now i think about you as i'm climbing up the stairs.

you came along just like a song.

i lost the feeling that i once had.

i know that your heart of yours will come to see that you belong with me.

i'm finding it hard leaving your love behind me.

there was blood and a single gunshot.

when can i touch you?

i'll be leaving in the morning.

i made it through the rain.

somehow we survive.

it's the only way.

i try, but i just can't.

you were there, everywhere.

one day the sun appears, and we come shining through those lonely years.

just aim beyond the clouds and rise above the crowds.

do you love him as much as i love her?

let me feel the wonder of all of you.

i wonder why it's still so hard without you.

so glad you opened my door.

you kissed me and stopped me from shaking.

i need you today.

could i ever let you go?

i'll stir the fire you feel inside.

this one is so real for me.

we're two ships that pass in the night.

sometimes you feel afraid.

i kept my world protected.

i'll always love you so.

i've been alive forever.

love's easier when it's far away.

i have no right to make you stay.

i'm lost in the feeling.

hold my hand.

looks like we made it.

i'm the one who cries.

we're still here, it's just that we're out of sight.

i'll play you over and over.

i found myself respected by the others who got rained on, too.

then the punches flew.

you're my song.

i never gave you any morning.

i'm ready to put my love on the line for you.

we dreamers have our ways of facing rainy days.

i wake up crying in the middle of the night.

now it all seems lightyears away.

it seems you and i are like strangers a wide ways apart.

i can't smile without you.

you found time enough to love.

i'm ready to take a chance again.

we had the right love at the wrong time.

when will this strong yearning end?

you have to go out on your own.

i tried to tell you there was something that i miss.

we'll just go on burning bright.

one day you'll know i just had to go.

one of these days, you're gonna call my name and i won't be there.

they were young and they had each other.

when will our eyes meet?

i was blinded by your love every time we kissed.

my home lies deep within you.

you get what you get when you go for it.

i wonder every night if you might miss me too.

all i could taste was love the way we made it.

i feel sad when you're sad.

you're gonna see the light.

god, i wish you knew.

like everything else i have, this one's for you.

i've got my own place in your soul.

what's the point in putting it down?

i'm standing on the edge of time.

you came and you gave without taking.

when will i hold you again?

there's so much love to share.

i fight to hide the tears.

sometimes goodbyes are not forever.

guess i always knew inside i wouldn't have you for a long time.

i'm finding it hard to do anything.

you're my life line.

my mom and dad are so proud.

it's harder now we're far away.

nothing's been the same since we've been apart.

i can't laugh. i can't sing.

i still remember, and the feeling's still the same.

chairs were smashed in two.

i'm back in the city where nothing is clear.

it doesn't matter if you're gone.

i'll still be loving you.

with you, i could bring out all the love that i have.

who could ask for more?

this one's for you, wherever you are.

this pain inside of me goes on and on.

i still believe in us together.

if only you knew what i'm going through.

come into my arms.

[thelost-in-time]

Here's a long Lost lore drop.

.

For as long as I can remember, I've been stuck in this empty void of darkness.

I was born in darkness, where things like love and happiness are nothing more than mere illusions. Not really existing here.

As a child who didn't know any better, I was... lonely... and believing in these illusions of love and safety.

Maybe at some point these illusions were true.... but at this point... nothing feels real.

And so I sought out the world where I'd no longer be lonely, I wanted to go into the light, where things seemed better.

.

In the darkness of the void, I am alone, but in the world where everyone coexists, I'm more lonely.

Where I met others, I grew up as I learnt of how selfish and cruel people could be.

I was continously betrayed, backstabbed and harmed by those I thought I could trust.

I was so.... hurt... so alone that I willingly returned to the empty void, praying that I, too, would feel the warmth of love.

I began to create worlds through writing, different universes coming to life.

.

Back when I still had a beating heart in my chest, my heart would bleed the tears I shed before I made a decision.

I would try to... erase my existence.

But alas, the void refused to let me cease to exist, for the void of darkness was filled stars.

Stars to give me company, to give me the light I had been seeking all my life.

I was at home in the stars, and suddenly my dark, empty void of a home felt peaceful, like an actual home.

.

The more I was hurt as time went on, the colder my heart became.

I am not made for love. I am... a curse... I am bad luck.

But I decided to travel worlds, try and find a place I belonged in.

I travelled to all kinds of world far and wide, and met all kinds of people that would soon become my friends. My family.

These would be my friends who would keep whatever innocence I had left, and who would be the ones to show me true love and happiness.

.

The different worlds I've travelled to, all my friends from those world, they all have a home for me.

None of them let me be alone, and that's why I find myself drawn to travelling all worlds I learn of.

And so my friends became a source of inspiration for me too, allowing me to tell tales about them, regardless of whether it was something in character with them or not.

I found a place I belong, but it's not just one place. It's all these worlds that I've been to, for as long as my friends remain there, I am home.

My friends... they all are my home, regardless of what worlds they all come from.

.

I might have lost most of my innocence, and kept my heart locked, but I've learned that regardless of my history, I'm strong.

I've overcome all obstacles thus far, and I have the support of my friends from countless worlds.

I'm no longer alone in this dark and lonely void, for I know that I'll always have a home and friends no matter where I go.

.

.

I am Lost, and if I were a bird, I'd be a phoenix.

I got set on fire and rose from my ashes to be reborn.

Seeking to erase my existence along with my innocence being shattered has been the fire that turned me into ashes.

But I won't let that stop me, I shall rise again from my ashes, and fly above my struggles to be born anew. To be born stronger.

[starglitterz]

♡ SUNKISSED.

— i can't help but fall for you, love.

feat ; kamisato ayato x fem!reader

warnings ; fem!reader, canon might be a lil wrong, not proofread </3

a/n ; HAPPY BIRTHDAY REBI ( @hamayumis ) !! ilysm darling i hope you have the greatest epic-est most amazing bday ever bc u rlly deserve it for being such a sweetheart all the time !!! i love u & ur writing sm ur so talented and kind !! :D u deserve the world but for now i hope this ayato fic will suffice hehe <3 love, quill!!

the day has come. the day you've been dreading ever since you were a child brought into this world with your future illustrated for you on a canvas you never received the opportunity to paint. everything was decided for you with pure apathy towards your opinion of the matter. whether it was your meals or your outfit, every inch of your life was tailored towards being the perfect representative of your clan. and today that means dressing up prettily to be a bride, to be wedded off to someone you've never met yet will be forced to spend the rest of your life with.

a soft sigh escapes your lips as your fingers drum anxiously against the table. if your parents were here, they'd scold you to stop that behaviour immediately, claiming it made you appear unladylike, and who would possibly want a wife like that? maybe you should continue doing it then, if it meant chasing off your potential suitors. yet you can't help but wonder if he will be there.

kamisato ayato. his surname alone rings with centuries of honour tied to it, while his respectable first name is one that barely anyone holds the luxury to call him with. you've known him since the two of you were mere youths running around and sneaking out of the gala functions you were forced to attend. you were considered suitable playmates for one another thanks to your backgrounds, so fortunately you were permitted to spend time together growing up.

you were granted the blessing of hearing all his plans for the future, the secret hopes and dreams he nurtured in his naive heart, still unknowing of how the world would rip them apart. in turn, he listened to you as well, clinging onto your every word with such rapt attention you often felt heat rising to your cheeks. it was wonderful at the time, wasn't it? two lonely children searching for a friend amidst crowds who only desired to manipulate their way into the good books of the kamisato and l/n clans, finding it in one another and realising they were a lot more similar than the adults had told them.

something you will never forget is the day ayato looked you straight in the eye, kneeled down, and slid a ring made from weaved grass onto your finger, "y/n, when i'm older and an adult, i'll definitely marry you!" the stars bathing the galaxy that night were nothing compared to those swirling in your irises at the moment, as all you could do was nod eagerly and intertwine your hand with his, squeezing it in the hopes that the simple touch could convey everything you couldn't say out loud. alas, it seemed the universe had other plans for the two of you.

ayato's parents passed away, one after the other, and the young boy you had once played with was hurried into the shoes of adulthood. although he was barely stepping out of his teenage years, ayato was forced to don the mantle of 'lord kamisato' and reign over the estate as well as the clan as a whole. those sunny days the two of you spent together dimmed into distant memories, with his busy schedule keeping you from seeing him, until eventually you drifted apart. it was painful, yes, but you told yourself that this was how it was always going to turn out; both of you going your separate ways and fulfilling your respective duties to your clan, because in inazuma, family came first above all else.

you doubt ayato even recalls the ring he slipped onto your finger and the promise he made that summer day, after all, it was nothing but a fit of childish passion. puppy love, that's all it was. but still, there's a tiny part in the deepest recesses of your heart that desperately wants to believe that he remembers it, that he cherishes the memory the same way you do, that he hasn't allowed it to fade from his mind like newsprint under the hot sun.

"my lady, a suitor has arrived. your parents seem quite taken with him," your handmaiden exclaims after knocking on the door and jolting you out of your reverie. "i'll be there in a minute," you call back, fixing your appearance in the mirror one final time before you head out into the fray. you almost feel like a soldier heading into battle. "well, here goes nothing," you mumble to yourself as you exit the room, smoothing out invisible creases in your kimono before you plaster a false smile onto your painted lips and enter the living area. it's where your parents and the apparent suitor are, and it's also where you will bid your normal life goodbye.

however, when the door slides open the sight in front of you is so surprising your entire prim and proper facade nearly crumbles on the spot as you gasp, "ayato?!" "ahem! she does not mean to be rude, my lord," your father clears his throat loudly, glancing at you out of the corner of his eye. "i am sure she is merely overcome with excitement at the thought of marrying you, my lord," your mother chimes in, turning her head to glare at you before simpering at ayato once more. the situation is so unbelievable you have the strangest urge to burst into laughter, but you know you'd bring shame on your entire clan if you ruined the prospects of such a high-class marriage, so you quickly stifle a chuckle behind your sleeve and kneel beside your mother, "of course, lord kamisato. it would be a gift from the archons if i could wed you."

though you've always heard gossip of him being inazuma's most eligible bachelor, you can scarcely believe how handsome his features have developed. but when a smirk curves ayato's lips, it's almost like nothing has changed since those sunkissed days together as children. the expression is so familiar to you that you want to grin and run into his arms like you used to, and that feeling is only amplified tenfold when ayato smiles as if he couldn't care less that you parents are in earshot, as if you’re the only person in the room he has eyes for, as if you're the only one he's loved all along.

"i've come to keep my promise, y/n."

© starglitterz 2022. do not repost or modify in any way - reblog if you enjoyed.

[fruitydemogorgon]

Vecna VS Voldemort- Stranger Things Meta

aka: Voldy and Veccy Bae Slay the Day Away as the Same Person

PART 1:

Excuse that.

Actually, don't, let's look at the similarities.

The Duffer Brothers are known for paralleling other films and series', and this season has drawn inspiration from some huge 80s tv culture [see Nightmare on Elm Street, Carrie, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker]. Harry Potter, the popular story by J.K Rowling, has gained worldwide traction over the past 20 years. The new villain of Stranger Things 4, Vecna, holds many similarities to Harry Potter's ultimate enemy Lord Voldemort. Analysing and reviewing these similarities may provide insight on the future of Stranger Things (V. 2, Season 5), and even a further delve into the past.

Lord Voldemort was born on the 31st of December, 1926 at Wool's Orphanage in London. But, he did not always have this title. He was named Tom Marvelo Riddle by his mother, Merope, who died shortly after giving birth to him. His father, an abusive and ignorant husband, had left Merope a year or so prior to Tom's birth. Tom, alone and without any knowledge of his heritage, grew up in the orphanage, averse to the other children and staff. Isolated, lonely, quiet. But not weak. Not useless. For Riddle knew there was something special about himself.

Victor Creel moved his family to Hawkins, Indiana, for a fresh start in March of 1959. Their beautiful house was dreamlike, and the young girl, Alice, grew immediately attached to its princess-like wonder. His wife was happy, he was happy. Though, his son Henry was not as pleased as his sister. The house, the children, the town, none of it felt right to him. Though, he'd never really fit in anywhere. Eventually, Henry started to realise he had abilities.

Both boys, solitary souls, troubled home lives, and powers quite unusual.

A doctor will be able to help...right?

A new parental figure is brought in, someone to teach them, care for them.

Both started at a place where they didn't fit in. People didn't understand their powers. Then moved to somewhere where there were other people with powers like them, who could

We'll fix you.

Brought to a new place, a place for them to grow their strengths.

Both being subtly referred to as someone known closely from the past. Both feeling more at home in their new place (Henry fitting in at the rainbow room, Tom fitting in at in Hogwarts).

Follow the spiders...

[see above: Tom Riddle finding Hagrid's spider- Aragog]

Their abilities...

Both being destroyed by a young child who has similar powers to their own, the full extent of the child's abilities still undermined by most people.

Both despising humans/muggles because of how they were treated by their parents when they were younger. Not seeing the way the world is run as 'fit' or 'just'. Wanting to manipulate the world to their own accord.

Souls changing after murdering someone...

I understand this probably requires some knowledge of the Harry Potter universe, but I'll elaborate in part 2. I'll also consider how these parallels could link to the future events of stranger things, tell us about the past, etc, etc, u know the deal.

I will do a proper analysis on this soon, but for now, this is everything I'll write about compiled into a visual representation.

Thanks for your time!!

[karasimpno]

Hi! I just stumbled onto you and I'm really happy I did! I don't really know if you take more requests but I'll shoot. Some scenario where Daichi, Bokuto or Kuro help cheer you up with little things or not so little things. You know fluff or smut 😅 Hope you're doing well and that the next year treats you good! ❤

HI LOVELY you submitted this ages ago I’m sorry for the tardiness with everything <3 but I adore you and this was fun :)

Also I got your suggestions and threw them in my draft, they’re very good ones :)

OKAY I’m going with Kuroo AND because it’s @bluntkingkuroo‘s BIRTHDAAAAAYYYYYYY I’m also writing this in honor of her. GO FOLLOW HER Y’ALL SHE’S THE REASON I’M HERE!!!!!

pairing: Kuroo x cisfem!reader contains: sleepy cuddly sex, fingering, mark-leaving/mention of hickeys, light biting

Despite the bright, warm light spilling through your window shutters, you remained in bed, curled up in your sheets with your back to the invasive radiance. Nothing made you want to get out of bed, even the thought of seeing some other part of the house for the first time today. 

“Babe?” a deep voice croaked out beside you. In spite of yourself, you smiled a little. Even if you were feeling a little grumpy and hungover after your houseguests had stayed wayyyy too late last night, you were glad Kuroo remained in bed beside you. Even the harsh reminder of how late in the day it was couldn’t outshine the fuzzy feeling you got from seeing him in your bed. 

“What’s up?” the voice prodded, clearly as tired as you felt. A hand snaked its way around your waist. You always slept in on Sundays, but this was late late. You heard Kuroo sigh and shuffle as he shifted in closer to you, tucking his knees behind yours and pressing his chest flush against your back. The arm that had snuck around your torso pulled you in close and you felt a warm nose and pair of lips press themselves to the sensitive skin at the base of your neck.

“Mmmph,” was all you groaned in response, but you relaxed into the spoon, squeezing Kuroo’s hand with your own.

“Mmmm,” was Kuroo’s answer, his still-sleepy voice cracking in a way that shouldn’t be as sexy as it was, sending vibrations reverberating down your back as his chest resonated with the sound. “Is somebody grumpy?” he teased, lifting a finger to poke annoyingly at your cheekbone. A child. You swatted at his hand lazily, offering a tired grunt in response.

“Awww, c’mon,” his voice grew saccharine sweet. “You need something to make you feel better?” Kuroo asked. 

You felt the lips that had been pressed against your skin, breathing hot air over you whenever Kuroo spoke and making your hair stand on end, begin to move. You shuddered in a shaky breath when they parted to allow the quick swipe of a tongue to dart out across your neck, chased by the gentle scrape of teeth. 

“Ah-hah...” escaped the involuntary sigh from your lips.

“...’cause I think I can probably manage that,” Kuroo teased, followed by an exaggerated sound of chomping as his lips affixed themselves back to your neck again, his tongue laving over a larger area than it had previously. Heat rose to your face at the sensation and you allowed yourself to let go and give into the wet contact, squeezing the hand against your chest closer to your body. 

Kuroo felt the loosening of your muscles and took advantage of the opportunity to dig his teeth deeper into your skin, unable to resist the sweet taste of you. He wanted to focus on making you feel better but damn if you didn’t just make him crazy for you.

With a wet suck, Kuroo drew his teeth together, pinching your sensitive skin between them, making you sure it would leave a mark as the arousing pain elicited a gasp from you. You bit your lip, rubbing your thumb across the back of Kuroo’s large, veined hand, noticing how your breathing had already begun increasing in spite of your bad mood. Damn this man and his irresistible tongue, you thought. 

Suddenly, you needed more of him, the heat rising in your neck becoming too much for you as he continued the focused attentions of his tongue and teeth. If you could have seen the way his brows furrowed in concentration at sucking feverishly at your neck, you would have grown even wetter than you were already becoming. Shifting slightly, you let your hand reach back to find the long locks of hair that always fell into his eyes, and you threaded your fingers against his scalp, encouraging the hot press of his tongue.

Kuroo groaned against you and moved the hand that had been resting around you further down your body, the pressure of the contact exhilarating as he determined to feel every part of you as he moved. Licking a quick stripe over one of the already ripening bruises on your neck, he slipped his fingers past the waistband of your shorts, dipping into your thin panties and seeking out the apex of those legs he so adored. 

Fingertips sliding past your curls, he groaned into your shoulder when his index finger ghosted over your slit, slickness already gathering there at his eager touch. Relishing in the movement, he eased the digit past your outer lips into your slippery folds, and you felt his breath hitch before his lips crashed into your neck again, his self-control slipping at how good your sweet little pussy lips felt wrapped around his finger. With still such little space between your rear and Kuroo’s hips, you felt a growing bulge begin to harden behind you.

As if the coating of his finger in your arousal was the most agonizingly pleasurable feeling in the world for Kuroo, he swirled the lone digit with hedonistic slowness through your slick. He breathed almost as heavily as you were against your neck as he found your clit, giving it a few experimental flicks with the pad of his finger, relishing in how your body jolted in response to his touch. Kuroo groaned again and picked up the pace, making steady circles around the apex of your pleasure as you keened at the sensation.

You were shocked at how much you were already gushing around him, your hips beginning to tremble as he stimulated that most sensitive of all spots in your body. He caught your ear between his teeth, the pants from his nose falling straight into your ear, making your body even more sensitive to his touch. You felt yourself cry out involuntarily at one particularly deft flick of his finger, and the hand that you had tangled in his hair shot down to grip onto his impossibly muscular forearm, encouraging exactly what he was doing. Absently, you felt your head being shifted as Kuroo slipped his other arm under your pillow, reaching for your opposite hand and interlacing his fingers with yours, pulling your entwined arms to your chest so he could hold you even closer as your hips started bucking against his touch.

Kuroo’s pants were just as hot and needy as yours were now, getting off on feeling you fall apart in his arms. His low groans and insistent huffs filled your ears as his finger continued circling with increasing vigor around your practically-humming clit. You barely noticed as he added a second finger, his strokes growing in pressure and speed. Your brain was clouded with your impending high and you let yourself moan out his name, everything seeming to move too quickly and yet not at all.

Kuroo’s tongue returned to your neck, drunk off the feeling of tasting you, and he groaned loudly and wantonly by your ear. The earnest sound of his pleasure at your own reactions sent you over the edge and both your hands tightened on the places where they were already gripping him hard. You let your mind leave your body for a second as you came completely undone in Kuroo’s arms, feeling so safe and secure as he helped you prolong your bliss, holding you close with his other arm while your body went completely slack in his embrace.

You half-sighed, half-panted as the post-orgasm high replaced the high of the climax, and a tired, dopey smile spread across your lips. You released your death grip on Kuroo’s hand and forearm and you felt him sigh against your back. He shifted slightly behind you and you were suddenly hyper aware of how much his body heat had been warming your back. You half-rolled over to chase the warmth as he pulled his hand from your shorts in the same motion. As you rolled, Kuroo’s knee came to rest in between yours, hovering above you with a tired but loving expression on his face. The warm yellow light that spilled across his face seemed to light his eyes from the inside, and his slight blush combined with the way the sun made his golden eyes sparkle made you feel like putty beneath him. You sighed contentedly and reached up to bring him into a sweet kiss. Chaste, thankful. 

“Feeling any better?” he smirked as he pulled away slightly, looking at you through hooded eyes.

You just laughed and pulled him closer, aware of the growing hardness resting against your thigh.

“Oh, very,” you grinned, feeling bubbly in your bliss. “But I think I can feel even better, don’t you?”

karasimpno ml general taglist (send a message to be added!): @goddessofchaosleo @kodzurin @honeybunny-sawamura @bluntkingkuroo​ @waitforitillwritemywayout @kuroos-simp

[thed4rkhand]

Kim Taehyung Nakshatra

Kim Taehyung and his Nakshatra analysis.

I got this really cool request about Kim Taehyung and him potentially being a Vishaka rising, and I really wanted to analyze it. So here is what I came up with, hope you guys enjoy this as much as I enjoyed poking about.

Let me make it clear right off the bat, that since I’m not a professional astrologer, some things may not match up, further since we’re not super sure of his birth time, it’ll definitely affect the reading. What I can be sure of is that I’ll do my best and I’m completely open to constructive criticism from you all!

Now lets get on with some basic stuff, for those who have not yet read the post with Namjoon’s moon analysis, I’ll again reiterate some principles of Vedic astrology! In the scenario that you’re still confused with all this jargon, feel free to reach out and I’ll be more than happy to help you out.

Starting out, we have to note that while western astrology is usually more advisory in nature, Vedic astrology’s main purpose is to predict. Also, we usually go a sign back from western astrology in Vedic astrology, so according to that for example, if you’re a libra rising, you become a virgo rising in Vedic astrology and so on and so forth. All planets will also shift back a sign, so a Capricorn Mercury will become a Sagittarius Mercury.

Since this is the first ‘only nakshatra analysis’ concerned posts on this blog, ill pre-explain some other facets of Nakshatras too. For those of you who don’t understand it still, you can refer to my post dedicated to explaining what nakshataras are through the master-list.

Now a person may display qualities other than that of their ascendant nakshatra, or moon or sun, because sometimes people have stellium or maybe an exalted planet or maybe a really strong planet in another Nakshatra, or maybe a lone planet in a certain Nakshatra is aspecting the lagna or even a stellium, that would all alter the degree to which the nakshatra would individually affect the person. So for this analysis, we will check the ascendant only, and other than that, we’ll check any aspects and lastly the nakshatra lord, and the dispositers.

So for this reading, we’ve taken the birth time as 4:15am on 30th December 1995, and birthplace is set to daegu, south korea (even if this isn’t where he’s born, rest assured since south korea is fairly small, it wont matter much).

Now on with the actual reading part-

So his ascendant is at 29’37 degrees in libra in the Nakshatra of Vishaka, within the third quadrant, where quadrant ruler is Mercury through Gemini. Vishaka’s ruler jupiter is in the third house, conjunct sun and mars in sagittarius, (i.e mooltrikon for jupiter). Jupiter itself sits in mula nakshatra and within the second quadrant of this.

Now onto the really cool stuff, since this stuff is being introduced for the first time, i’ll create a proper post explaining it, post it before this so you guys can check that out too. So keep cross checking it, otherwise i'll have to add it before each Nakshatra analysis.

His nakshatra here is vishaka, misra in nature, caste is mlechh, guna is sattwic, gana is rakshasa, purpose is dharma, deities are Indra and Agni, element is fire, gender is female, animal is tiger, Nadi is kappha and sign is libra.

So now getting on with the actual interpretation of the Vedic jargon above is here-

Firstly, lets get started with the main Nakshatra here, Vishaka. This falls between libra and scorpio, with the first 3 quadrants in libra and the last one in scorpio. Vishaka is represented by two forked branches, reprinting the constant inner battle inside the natives. They may appear very orthodox at times, very stubborn and fixed in their views and traditions, however such people are also extremely progressive and accepting. Due to this weird polarization, some natives have extreme trouble putting forth their views on many subjects here, and tend to observe others for a long time before making up their minds about something. Since the sign is inherently ruled by fire, such people are extremely intense and intimidating to others and love being in the spotlight while being surrounded by loved ones. However due to this intense nature and love for the spotlight, these people have a hard time maintaining friendships. Jupiter is their ruling planet, and you can see that influence in them, too. They are some of the most unconventionally intelligent people you will meet. Add to that their beliefs of spirituality and non-violence, and you’ve got the perfect person, however They are prone to addictions like drugs and alcohol, and they are also overly self-conscious. Instead of enjoying what they have, they will always concentrate on what they lack, therefore being called ‘the star of purpose’, for they’re always searching for a new purpose.

It is often believed that the lover of lord Krishna, Radha was born under this nakshatra. Thus it is believed, such natives have immense charm and beauty, while being innately pure within. They have people falling for them one after another, but once they find someone or something they like, they’ll remain devoted to it. Such people have a ‘Je ne sais quoi’ about them, one can’t very well point it out, but something so magnetic is present. They’re often said to be in direct connect with the divine (lord Krishna was after all a god), and are blessed by god for good fortune.

The native of this nakshatra might be interested in astrology and art.The natives of this nakshatra are good-natured and likes fair-judgement. They have a interest in religion and love the religious rituals too. They speak softly and due to which they easily impress others. They usually don’t speak harshly. Due to the effect of Jupiter they are always ready to learn and teach others. They are ambitious and don’t believe in following the societal rules. They work hard to achieve their ambitions and due to which they receive success also. The natives are wealthy, powerful and have an impressive nature and therefore people get easily impressed by them. The person is compassionate and confluence of ethics, rites and good qualities in the person. Due to the combination of all these qualities the native becomes financially sound also. The native believes in saving money due to which they never face financial crisis. They can influence others with their word. However on the flip side, They like showing off and are a bit arrogant by nature. Vishakha nakshatra is the nakshatra of Jupiter, that is why they have a mild behavior. But they are short tempered also. According to their behavior they are always ready to fight with others. (see how jin and tae, and vmin always fight, in-fact he was named as one of the members most likely to pick a fight)

Something I found very interesting is how Taehyung’s ascendant falls in the 3rd pada or quadrant of Vishaka, which corresponds to the sound ‘Te’ as in pronunciation wise ‘Tae’, and being named taehyung is thus extremely auspicious for him. This is rare among people unaware of Vedic traditions, and no wonder it has worked so well for his fortune and luck.

Now Jupiter through vishaka Rules Lower Abdomen, Bladder parts, kidneys, pancreatic glands, Genitals, Rectum, Prostate Gland, Descending colon. Thus the natives are prone to nose bleeding, renal stone, dropsy, rupture, prostate enlargement, fibroid tumor, urinary trouble.

Now he’s born under the third quadrant. These natives are light-hearted and curious. They enjoy learning and acquiring knowledge on diverse topics. However they may be afflicted by anxiety and often struggle with conflicting emotions regarding work and love, material and spiritual realms and so much more (remember that gemini is two faced, and vishaka itself is branched). Since it falls under gemini, such people are social butterflies, amicable, smart and communicative.Due to their warm and altruistic personality, they can easily make friends with others. Their diversity of personal interests also helps them to form friendships with a wide variety of people. Thus they have no issue maintaining an active and vibrant social life. They are extremely wise for their age and have a natural insight into the workings of the world and of human nature. They are truthful and devout, and are naturally-inclined toward spirituality. They bring energy and enthusiasm to whatever tasks they undertake.

Now we’ll brush over the nakshatra lord quickly, and then move back into really fun nakshatra stuff.

Jupiter as ruler of vishaka is in the 3rd house, conjunct sun and mars, with no aspects.The natives are good planners (3rd house is short distant journeys). Besides, they are highly curious and enjoy making connections with others. They feel happy to share ideas. They are able to see the larger picture and often turn to others for advice and suggestions.  Also, they easily put the people at ease in social situations and have higher mental capabilities. They can become intuitive as Jupiter will expand their mental power, so they can even grasp new information quickly and comprehend things effortlessly. The placement of Jupiter in the 3rd house will also help the natives in education. The natives are likely to excel in writing and literary fields( his degree is in communications and broadcasting I believe). Since this is also the house of younger siblings, people have great relationships with their siblings here.Since the 3rd house is also a upachaya sthana (house of growth) the native will have good growth of career and wealth, and with its aspect on the 7th house, marital bliss is also guaranteed. Aspects on the 11th and 9th houses promise a powerful social circle, and gains through foreign land as well as fame.

However, despite all these great results from sitting in its mooltrikon, Jupiter is still afflicted by sun and mars. Such people with age (upachaya house moves with age) speak less and less because they think twice before they speak and choose their words very carefully. With this conjunction of 3 masculine friendly planets thus when together in a house, makes people highly influential. The native tends to enjoy a good financial and social status. This conjunction is often found in the horoscope of influential and high-ranking individuals such as politicians. When Sun, Mars and Jupiter are housed together in a horoscope, the native earns a lot of wealth, fame, and respect in life. Such people live a prosperous life for the most part and do not have to work hard to make it big, as they have unpaid karma they receive in this lifetime. Moreover, these natives tend to be very loyal and straightforward.

Now onto dissecting the nakshatra even more, let's get into the characteristics of vishaka.

Being of Misra nature, they are of an extremely fiery temperament, are actually prone to being pyromaniacs too. I have noticed that such people also have great metabolisms. They are quiet in large crowds, and prefer one to one conversations and are also extremely philanthropic. Great organizers, extremely interested in art and technology, and absolutely brilliant at getting rid of bad habits (fire purifies).

Vishakha is a monstrous nakshatra. People in this group are generally intuitive, strong-willed, and assertive. They may be prone to anger and violence. However Libra natives possess excellent taste and good judgement. They are friendly, learned, and dignified, but may be prone to arrogance as persons born under the star of Vishakha have a wide sphere of influence. For this reason, they do well in social and political arenas. It is said that that the natives under vishaka have vyapana shakti, or the power to “Achieve and Make Manifest, Power to Achieve many and various Fruits of Life” (remember how he always talks to his angels?)

Now he’s a mleccha caste, which according to Vedic traditions means an outsider or an outcaste (as these people did not follow societal rules, or fit into the Vedic practices as they were of foreign origin). This could honestly be why we talk about his 4D personality, because of the caste. He has an unconventional way of doing things and thinking, which don’t fit into the broader spectrum due to this. Also we can see that it follows the dharma nakshatra, so he is inherently concerned with principles, morals, duty and finding his life’s purpose. This can make his very spiritually inclined and intuitive, also very restless and prone to depression. Now coming to his dosa of kaphha, (the Water quality). This makes a native very philosophical, calm and patient, sometimes so much so that other’s perceive them as lazy, and simply ‘lucky’. With his sattwa qualities here, with Jupiter, a rajas planet, he can often has a duality between rajas qualities with fiery temperament and passion for everything and then an extremely calm and cool quality of sattwa, where one is not concerned about the consequences of their actions and are concerned with being in the moment.

The yoni of the nakshatra is a male tiger (tae tae?). This means the natives have attributes similar to those of tigers.Tigers are handsome and powerful people with an innate self-confidence and elegance. There's a sense of immediacy and an aura of electricity that surrounds it, and when it walks into a room, it feels like something is about to happen. Once a tiger has found its groove, it will focus on its goal with a brightly burning intensity. In social situations, the tiger is an excellent host and there is no such thing as a casual party in its home. Guests can always expect a memorable occasion with an extravagance of food and drink, and yet, there is a distinct coldness to its den. Having sacrificed comfort for style, the tiger outfits its house with austere and modern furniture, and comfortably worn easy chairs are replaced every few years.But their emotional detachment should not be confused with a desire to avoid tenderness; for intimacy is the tiger's greatest sensual tool. Offering its lover some deeply held secrets adds another dimension to both platonic and romantic relationships for a tiger. They are fiercely independent and always on the move, so it can be quite hard to discern such people.

And lastly coming to the deities of the nakshatra, the two deities, Indra (Lord of Lightning) and Agni (Lord of Fire), are known to rule this nakshatra. Hence, Vishakha witnesses the relay of characteristics of both of these ruling deities. Since both of these deities exhibit some characteristics which are not in accordance with the other, Vishakha becomes a mixture of different kinds of characteristics. Lightening tends to have similar impact with the forcefulness of the light, and the destructive power to do what it sets out to do. The energy of Agni however, is more cleansing. Agni is the God which takes our oblations offered to the Gods to them. It is the energy that gives us the opportunity to cook food and nourish ourselves. It creates ashes from all that is offered making it pure and able to clean any impurities. The natives can have a lot to do with justice, social righteousness and causes. There could be a lot of intensity here especially to do the right thing and a lot of righteous principle because of these two deities.

Finally, a shortened version of Vedic tradition story associated with the nakshatra-

Indra, according to Vedic Mythology, is known to be very goal-oriented, and who is often insecure about losing his throne to someone else. In an attempt to keep his throne intact he commits many deeds that can be bad karmas according to Vedic Astrology. For example, Indra once tried to kill the pregnant wife of demon Hiranyakshipu in order to stop him from worshipping Lord Brahma and getting great powers as a result of his worship. Indra feared that Hiranyakshipu will gain powers and then attack the heavens and remove him from his throne and in order to save his throne he tried to disturb the worship of Hiranyakshipu by every possible means. Though he did not succeed due to the intervention of DevRishi (Sage) Naarad who was able to influence the higher Gods to stop Indra from committing such a heinous deed. This goal oriented nature of Indra is relayed through Vishakha and accordingly the natives under the strong influence of this nakshatra are very fixated on their goals and they are always in a danger of engaging in bad karmas in order to achieve their goals.

Indra is also known for his deep interests in drinking, women and enjoying other pleasures and these qualities of Indra are also relayed through this nakshatra and accordingly the natives under the strong influence of this nakshatra are likely to be fond of materialistic pleasures of all kinds. Agni on the other hand is seen as the ruling deity of Fire according to Vedic mythology and he is portrayed as the one with a good character. The influence of Agni on Vishakha brings sufficient energy to this nakshatra which can help the natives achieve their goals.

An incident is quoted in Vedic mythology where a demon prayed to god Agni to protect him and then after assurance from Agni, he started worshipping lord Brahma for gaining powers. Indra, seeing it as a threat to his power came to kill the demon but Agni who had promised the demon to save him, came in the way and fought Indra and prevented him from killing the demon. It should be noted that Agni fought with Indra in order to practice the right deeds despite the fact that Indra was his king. So the influence of Agni on this nakshatra brings positive qualities of Agni and how a particular native under the influence of Vishakha will behave is very much dependent on which of these two ruling deities is controlling Vishakha in his horoscope.

Anyway, this was my analysis of the nakshatra, hope you guys enjoyed it! Let me know about other stuff too, and ill be more than happy to help!

[yostresswritinggirl]

Seers' Miscellany

Prologue: Origins of the first bloom

A circular fic for the Dainsleif mini-series I'll be working on. This will be the introduction; of the evanescent bough keeper of the new world. "Observers of the North do not usually wind up in personal business, but when they do, in their wake comes great shifting of the plates of the timelines." Logs of the stag and the delicate flower.

Pairings -> Dainsleif x Reader; Reader is NOT Traveler

Word Count -> 1579

Themes -> Pretty sad, but also fluffy

Chapters -> 1

Warnings -> Story progression takes a while, oh dear why am I doing this now, I'm so busy

"500 mora; and three answered questions."

He's not really sure what lead him to indulge the requests of a simple adventurer when he made his rounds around the city of freedom. Was it the simple need for currency? It couldn't be, he was better off with other commissions that Katheryne could offer.

Was it the desperation in your voice and eyes? You looked at him like a prophet, your only salvation, and perhaps in this context that may be true. You were but a lone adventurer and the way your weight leans heavier on one foot shows your struggle to those who have keen eyes like him, no other person wished to indulge your needs and you were getting desperate.

Or was it the three questions? Dainsleif have yet to hear such contractual obligations before, but it felt as tho it was the most important part of the agreement he took the moment you pleaded with that soft voice. Humble yet resolved, not letting him walk away without at least considering it once.

And so he found himself traversing the land of the wolves through a dangerous path, where you skip ahead with a gait of happiness, bubbly and energetic enough to surpass even his long legs. You hummed without consideration at the glee of finally having a companion, and he did not mind it at the slightest despite the attention it may bring upon your little party.

"First question," Dainsleif fleeted his gaze away from the horizon to turn to you whom slowed your pace to match his, head looking over your shoulder with a wide grin. "How are you?" So innocent.

He huffs in amusement, the most emotion you've seen of him. "You don't need to waste a contract question for such a simple question, you know," he stands behind you as you crouch down on a shrubbery filled with Wolfhooks. Your main objective for visiting Wolvendom in the first place.

You assured him that you meant your question in every way possible as your hands carefully pick at the herbs, wary of the thorns and the intrusive prickly leaves. Despite your attention turned away from him he knows you await his answer. Dainsleif hums to himself and stops—

How is he? What does he truly feel in this moment of his time?

A simple question yet risked for one of the three inquiries agreed upon definitely holds a deeper meaning. His train of spiraling thoughts halts upon the sound of otherwordly grunts and chants as he turns away from your still busy form (you seem very focused on your foraging) to find three Hilichurls approaching with ill intent.

Dainsleif squints at the impending threat before shooting a final glance to make sure you weren't looking. His arm glows blue as he raises it, power in the form of blue swirling mist surges around him - how are you? The feeling brings him back to vague memories of his past, of the energy rising through him at his expeditions with an old companion, of the thrill spent upon encountering the unexpected. Such thoughts are not vivid but the familiarity of what he is experiencing right now was enough for him.

Though he was sure that there were no camps before they went through this route.

"You asked me how I am," he spoke when you finally turned from the bush with an armful of Wolfhooks on your arsenal, confusion on your face at the sight of downed Hilichurls and the side profile of the bough keeper.

His cerulean eyes were fixated at his left hand that he repeatedly closes and opens for a few seconds, before he fully turns to you (your eyes did not miss the blue glow from underneath his cape, where his right arm should be) with a wisp of a smile, "I feel alive right now."

You reciprocated the gesture with a wide grin, "I'm glad to hear that!"

A majority of the wolfhooks gathered where given to the little Botanist Chloris, the seller of flowers, who looked relieved and ecstatic upon your arrival. Something Dainsleif took great notice of. Carefully handing over the berries and some which you had to pluck singularly from your companion's flowy cape, the little girl gave you her Valberries in exchange.

It was sweet and familiar, something Dainsleif took note as he accepted your offer of the fruit despite his none need for sustenance.

Your little chewing sounded through as you two settled on the humble camp you managed to setup with your supply for a single individual. There was a little hole in the middle for a campfire Dainsleif had made the effort to prepare knowing the coldness the night will bring soon enough, and your fragile form is not something he wishes to bargain now. Is that really the reason? Perhaps in the back of his mind, he was really just working on forgotten routines.

"Second question," his footstep at the edge of the camp halts as he turns once again, where you sat on the mat as tonight's bedding, hands flicking to remove the stray juices of the berries. He stood still in wait before he goes back to his mini mission of getting fire wood.

"Go on," he urged when you stood a minute longer in silence.

"Do you like traveling, Dain?" Easy enough, he simply said yes and left when you ended the conversation with a nod.

When he came back with the wood and tinder bundle for easy spreading, out of the corner of his eye he watched your hands work on the mortal and pestle as you grinded the remaining wolfhooks on your person. The fire started the moment he was done setting up the kindling and your face filled with admiration at the sudden and immediate spark, praising him for his quick work.

Dainsleif is both talkative and not, and at times he finds himself rambling to the wind. The moments of the night passed without much details until he found himself talking about his past adventures with his old companion, of the world they've seen together and the now estranged relationship between them.

His responses were sometimes cryptic unintentionally, and he apologizes when there are things about it that he couldn't answer simply because he could not remember. When silence struck after he finished his tales and meal, the beautiful spike in his eyes found yours gleaming despite the drowsiness pulling at your whole feature.

"I'm glad you're very fond of traveling. If not, I wouldn't have met you," and he wouldn't have taken the commission. Dainsleif's eyes flashed in recognition, finally understanding the meaning behind your second question. Somehow this little commission deal turned into a silent back and forth quip of him understanding past your simple inquiries.

Like a little game he muses on with his curious mind.

That night you rested with the extra comfort of his eccentric cape, something you needed more than him as he gazes over the clear night sky. His eyes silently traced the galaxy of stars while the sound of your whispered breathing accompanies his sleepless night.

The last question and that last of your very quick expedition came the next day at the cliffside overlooking the lair sealed by winds.

Your fingers were dusted by the violet paste of grinded wolfhooks long consumed the night prior, stained fingers gripping the thin and fragile stem of the yellow dandelion in its grasp. It was his great observation that let him realize the disaster that happened now but even his foresight could not prepare him for what has to come.

"Third question," his head snapped down to watch your ethereal face don a calm smile, the sun's setting light kissing your cheeks in the right angle that matched that of the clean clouds above. Your eyes silently questioned his unfocused gaze but he only shook his head.

Don't worry about it. "I know this last question would end the commission with you," your voice trembled in both fear and fatigue but Dainsleif didn't force you to preserve your strength like he should. "But I wanted to ask, maybe tomorrow again,

do you want to be my traveling companion?"

The hand that clutched the Dandelion found it way to the side of his mask, the petals brushing against his eyelids as he looks down at you with an eye. A ghost of a smile lingers on his lips as he leans on your hand.

"It would be my pleasure."

Life momentarily flashed over your orbs before you let out a sharp exhale and a breathless, joyous laughter. Relief overtook the tension that laid on your shoulders, and your hand would have dropped to the ground immediately if he had not gripped it on the last second.

"That sounds good. I've always wanted to travel the world," he pulls the cape closer around your form as your eyelids droop to a close. And he witness another breathe, "It was supposed to be today, but I feel really tired today, I'll rest early too if that's okay."

He rose from the ground with you in his arms, "I'll be here."

"Mmm thank you... good... night."

"Good night, little dandelion."

And perhaps that distant memory from faraway had urged him to invite and indulge, when he saw the same spark of intrigue and desperation, of the warmth of carefree days in front of him.

"But I will require advance payment,

500 Mora, and three answered questions."

Dainsleif SUPREMACY MWAHAHAHAHAH

@genshin-idiot : here's your Dainsleif content

@moaa @dandelion-dreams @witchsungie @lehra @zelos-simp @legionqueensav @snackgod @rxsalinee @cala-ran @wind-wheel @lilydewi22 @yellowflowre @traveler-lumine @nonniechan

[9tzuyu]

my guitar is slightly out of tune, but i’m eternally yours.

[reuploaded and revised from my old blog.]

↠ prompt: you have a terminal illness but you have a chance with treatment but you deny it, then you meet wanda and you feel alive again.

↠ warnings: kinda angsty, but worth the read :>.

requests are always open!

masterlist

∘∴∙*⋆∙∴⋆∘∙*. ∘

“Oh–” was all you managed to say. “I recommend we start radiation treatments-” You zoned out and watched your feet dangle from the edge of the exam table. Was this it? Was this really all there was for you? It seemed hopeless to even do anything at this point. You figured if this was affecting you again, it was for a reason. 

"No. I don't want treatment." The doctor looked at you and his gaze faltered. "You do understand that if you refuse treatment this will inevitably kill you?" You nodded. The words felt empty, they carried no weight behind them anymore. Nonetheless, the doctor continued to try and persuade you. 

"I said I don't want the treatment. I'm refusing medical advice. I don't want to have to go through this again, it's obviously not going away. Now where the hell do I sign the papers?" You exasperated. The doctor gave you one last look before getting the papers for you to embark your signature on.

“You’re one-hundred percent sure about this?”

You shrugged your shoulders, “I've got nothin' left for me here anyways. Might as well just let nature take its course.”

"Well surely you've got someone, a friend maybe?" You shook your head.

 "Nope." You replied, popping the P at the end. The doctor seemed to finally grasp the situation when you handed the papers back to him as if you were turning in a job application.

He pursed his lips, "I'm going to give prescribe medication for the pain. Based on the size of the tumor I'd say you have about eight months to live, but only about half of those months will be enjoyable." You nodded your head in reply and gathered your stuff together. 

So how were you going to spend your last months on earth? That was the question you asked yourself. You walked out of the building and found yourself in a coffee shop. It was busy, but you found yourself a seat next to a window in the back of the shop. Your eyes gazed out the window as you pondered your question from earlier.

'I could move to New York and see broadway shows I've never wanted to see'

'There's always casinos–'

'–Or what about splurging your money on dumb things that you'll quite literally never need?'

You laughed at your thoughts. You made up your mind right there, you were going to live the rest of your life just the way it was. It’d be easier that way. You didn't have friends, no longer had parents, so it's not like anyone would really miss you really. All you had was your pet cat and your guitar. And truth be told, that's all you needed. 

Coffee.

"Hello?" You snapped out of your gaze to see a beautiful brunette standing in front of you. The second thing you noticed was her accent, you'd never heard it before. “I was wondering if this seat was taken?” She softly smiled at you. You returned the gesture and shook your head no. "The place is cram packed and you seemed trustworthy. I hope I'm not disturbing you or anything, you seemed to be pretty deep in thought." The young woman blushed a crimson color, "I'm sorry I probably seem weird or something, I'll go."

Normally you would have cared, but at this point in time you didn't mind the company. So, with the slightest bit of hesitation, you called out for her.

“Wait! It’s fine, don’t worry. I-I’m all alone.” The woman’s smile widened as she took a seat across from you. “Thanks. I'm Wanda, what's your name?”

"Y/N." 

"Y/N..." She flexed your name on her tongue, "That's a beautiful name."

"I'm stuck with it for life, so I sure hope it's at least a decent name." You narrowed your eyes at her as you joked. A giggle escaped the gap between her lips, causing a small flutter to emit in your stomach.

"So what do you do?" She asked, intrigued by your presence.

"Well I do a lot of things, I walk, I talk, I breathe-"

"Oh shut up! You know what I meant." Wanda’s eyes gleamed with friendliness and warmth. She seemed like the type you'd be friends with if you weren't dying. "Okay, okay, I play guitar and sing while my cat eats her food." Wanda's eyes lit up at the mention of a cat. 

"You have a cat? What's her name?" Her elbows were propped up on the table with her head resting in her hands, showing just how actually interested she was in you.

“Her name is Nala. You know, from The Lion King?”

Wanda’s brows furrowed together. She’d never seen The Lion King, much less heard of it.

Your jaw dropped at her confusion. “You mean to tell me you’ve never seen The Lion King?”

“I’m Sokovian, what do you expect?” 

“Ahh, I see. Well, do you at least have any pets?”

"My apartment doesn't allow pets."

"So? Sneak one in." You replied nonchalantly, crushing ice between your teeth. Wanda looked at you in shock. "No way! Knowing me I'd get my ass caught on the first day." You shrugged in reply and the conversation quickly went dead.

Wanda checked her phone, moving abruptly to get up from her seat. "I'm so sorry, I have to go now. I'll see you around, okay?"

“Sure.”

After another half hour of waiting on nothing and thinking about everything, you finally decided it was time to leave. A feeling of regret washed over you. The woman was kind, very friendly, something that you craved.

But you couldn’t allow yourself these things now, especially given the direction you were heading.

_____

Over the next few weeks you'd spent your time songwriting, journaling and a midst of other lonely, boring things. Sometimes you'd catch yourself thinking about the woman in the coffee shop, but you tended not to dwell too much on the past. 

You thought about your tumor and all the different ways it was growing inside you. It grossed you out more than anything, but you weren't afraid. At least not now you weren't. 

A heavy sigh slipped from your lips, and the sudden urge to go to the park overtook the need to do anything else. You’d never really visited the park in your area before, so you decided now was the time. 

The beige acoustic guitar rest heavily on your shoulders, similarly to the weight of the world. It was bitter, no taste of sweetness was left over in the aftermath.

Leaves crunched under your feet as you made your way into the park. The smell of pine and bark surrounded you, just as the pinch of cold air that struck your face. It was tranquil.

You marched your way over to a nearby tree secluded from everyone else. Setting your guitar down, you nested cozily against the wood. Your journal rest aside your hip as did the pen that exchanged your thoughts into words.

Humming quietly, your fingertips grazed the instrument’s delicate strings. Music filled the air around you, but it came to a quick stop nearly ten minutes after you’d begun.

"Hey, I know you. Y/N, right?" You heard a familiar accented voice behind you. You turned around to find Wand standing above you. "Uh yeah, that's me. What's up?" She sat down beside you, making you a little uncomfortable, but you figured you could deal with it for the sake of being nice. 

"Nothing. I just saw you and thought I’d say hi. What about you? I see you have your guitar."

“Just singing,” you mumbled quietly.

She smiled and pushed a strand of hair out of your face that was blown in from the wind. "You’re really pretty." You bit your lip and you could feel the heat rise to you face. "Thanks."

"Mhm. So last time I didn't get your number, maybe I will this time?" She asked (although her eyes were begging). You couldn’t help but feel something while she bit her lip, her doe eyes unintentionally focusing on your lips.

"I'll have to give you mine, I didn't bring my phone with me – don’t use it much." You replied. She handed her phone to you and you typed your number in.

"Do you not have family or friends you keep up with?" Her brow quirked in curiosity.

"Parents died, no siblings, and no friends. I don't have many people to worry about."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"It's fine, I don't mind." She looked down in her lap before asking another question. "What about a job? Do you work?" Wanda was definitely a curious one, but each question she asked carried you in a way you’d never felt before. It was refreshing to have someone interested in you, and not your disease. 

"Nope, when my parents died they left all their life savings to me. It's plenty enough for me to live on." Your fingers began lightly playing the chords of a song. It was often that you unknowingly played when you were scared or nervous. You'd only realize afterwards. 

"That's good– not that your parents died, but you know, you have money and stuff. Even if it's– oh my god- " 

You cracked out a laugh, causing her to look at you in terror. Noticing this, you rest a hand on her shoulder. "Wanda, it's okay. You're fine, I know what you mean." She nodded shyly and looked up to the sky. 

"Hey, it's sunset! I love sunsets, I used to watch them all the time with my brother back in Sokovia." Her voice wavered at the end of her sentence, and you easily picked up on it.

"Something wrong?" You asked. She laid her head on your lap and you stiffened, but quickly relaxed. This is fine. This is okay. You set your guitar aside and began to play with her hair.

"I miss him. Pietro..." She paused for a second before continuing. "He died a couple of years ago from cancer." You felt your heart drop for the first time at the mention of the horrid disease that stripped you away from most of your life. "Oh." The word seemed to become your go-to for whenever you didn't know how to accept information you were given.

"He was the other half of me. We were twins, I felt like my whole world fell apart. After he died I moved out of my country and moved here. Since then I've made some good friends. You might like them." 

“I’m sorry about your brother. I’m sure he was wonderful, Wanda.” You whispered, bringing a piece of her hair to the end of a braid. “I'm happy you've made some friends." Wanda nodded and snuggled closer in your lap. "Maybe I can be your friend?" You gave it a thought. You weren't sure you could do that to her, not with your illness anyway. Guilt nawed at you already. She’d already lost someone so beloved and close to her from it, how awful you began to feel if you had to put her through that again.

"Y/N?"

You stared at her for a few moments before answering. "I don't know, maybe." She turned over to face you, but you avoided her gaze. "I'm going to figure you out you know." You stifled a laugh, "And you'll be sorry you ever did."

"Whatever."

____

Four months passed and you thought they would be empty, meaningless months, but with Wanda nuzzling her way into your life you began to feel alive for the first time. When she came around it was like a switch you couldn't turn off. 

Right now, you sat at your desk strumming your guitar while watching Nala play with a toy dinosaur you’d bought her just weeks ago. This life was good too, you thought. But it was lonely.

You weren't quite sure what Wanda meant to you yet, but you were slowly discovering that whatever the two of you had, blossomed into something more each second you spent together.

Popping a Vicodin in your mouth, your phone buzzed. It would be no one else but Wanda.

be there in a few, it's urgent. 

Panic set in your body as you worried for the safety of your friend. What could possibly be the matter? Normally Wanda talked about what was bothering her.

A knock at your door brought you out of your gaze and you stumbled to answer it. Wanda was distressed, her hair a mess and her eyes red.

“Whats wro-” You were cut off By Wanda smashing her lips onto yours. 

She pulled back in shock. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I-"

You shut her up by pushing her into the wall, door closing behind you. Her lips tasted of strawberry and her hands began to roam your body.

One thing led to another and you both ended up naked on your bed. How amazing it must be to wake up and know that you won’t be dead in the next few months.

"You're good. Almost too good. Where did you learn all that from having no friends?" She smirked at you. You gave her a smile and kissed her again. Your arms wrapped around her nude body and together you felt the utter bliss and excitement radiating from one another.

. . . . 

Three weeks later yoy began to shake. It was hardly noticeable, and it just so happened to occur when you were playing

It’s downhill from here and you know that.

"Can you fix it? Can you fix this?" You yelled at him, despite knowing it was all your fault. If you would've just taken the treatments you wouldn't be in this place. But back then your life had no real meaning, it was just you and your cat.

You hadn't planned on falling in love with someone. 

"There's nothing I can do now. Treatments won't work, it's too far gone. I'm surprised it took this long to start showing symptoms."

For the first time in years, you felt tears beginning to build in your eyes. "You don't understand, I love her and now I'm just going to leave her? This can't be happening, you have to do something!" You pleaded, but the doctor’s eyes were solemn, giving you the only reply you needed. 

You stormed out of the hospital and made your way to Wanda. Silence rang through your ears.

Tell her. You have to tell her.

It will be over.

Sobs wrecked your body as you fumbled with the keys to your shared apartment. The door opened to a sight you wanted to live forever.

There she was, perched on the couch while massaging Napa’s scruffy fur. She was content, happy, and here you were to ruin it.

"Y/N? Baby what's wrong?" She got up from her spot and rushed over to you, worry etched on her face. You clung onto her for more life than you had left. And god, You weren't scared before, but you sure as hell were now. 

"I have terminal cancer."

Wanda froze.

"That's not funny, Y/N. You know how I feel about this topic." Her glare was hasty, burning into your skin.

"I was diagnosed almost five months ago, please Wanda you have to believe me. I have tremors, don't you see?" You raised your hand up to show her, but she slapped it away. "You're making yourself do that, Y/N. Stop joking, or I'm leaving." She crossed her arms

"W-What?" Your chest tightened.

"I said stop joking."

"I'm not joking, Wanda!"

"I'm leaving," She huffed, snatching her jacket before slamming the door shut.

And it was true, she did leave. However, Wanda didn't leave for the reasons she gave you.

She loved you, but she couldn’t handle another loss like this.

. . . . 

During the next two months you experienced the most heartache you'd ever felt before. The combination of vomiting, body aches, and dizziness didn't help. If anything, it made it worse. You missed Wanda. Everything about her gave you a reason to live.

You were on your seventh month and the pain was unbearable. It hurt to reach out for a cup of water, your hands shook uncontrollably all while sending jolts of scorching pain throughout the entirety of your arm.

Undoubtedly, the hospital bed became your next best friend (although it was the worst one you’d ever had. But it somehow managed to weasel its way back in your life).

Wanda was nowhere to be seen, and if anything that only progressed your disease. The only thing that kept you sane was your guitar, and the fact that Nala was being taken care of by a sweet, old nurse (who sometimes snuck her in so you could see her).

It was about the small things now. 

More days passed and each one was getting worse. By now you just wanted to end it all on your own, but you were physically too weak to do that.

There was a knock on your door, but you ignored it thinking it was just another nurse. "Y/N?" The voice was soft, it felt like it'd been years since you last heard it. You turned your head slightly to see Wanda standing in the doorway. A weak smile formed on your face.

"Hey you." 

Wanda quickly dropped her things and ran to your side. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She mumbled over and over again as you calmly stroked her hair.

"It's okay, you know it is." You whispered in her ear. She looked up at you and shook her head, "But it's not okay, I left you when you needed me the most." You stared at her adoringly and the tips of your fingers gently rubbed away the tears from her face. "But I'm still here, aren't I?" She laughed through her cries, "Yeah... you're still here."

Both of you knew you didn't have much time left, but you ignored that other than the fact that you made her promise to take care of Nala when you were gone. She held your hand and got you everything you needed.

And you love her so deeply for that.

One night you had the feeling that your time was coming soon, so you woke Wanda up from her sleep. "Sweetheart?" She stirred a little before finally sitting up. 

"Yeah?"

"Hand me my guitar?" She tilted her head, "But your shakes?" You ignored her and asked for it again. 

When she handed you your beloved guitar you took it with grace. "Come help me, I wanna play a song." She nodded and came to your side.

Your fingers struggled as they strummed the delicate strings on the instrument. You picked one of Wanda's favorite, and when you were done you spoke lightly.

"My guitar is slightly out of tune, but I'm eternally yours."

[novanitas]

Love Goes

Writing from experience is always the hardest part about writing because you allow yourself to be vulnerable in a story that you have spun.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31290827

Childe is the only Genshin character mentioned in the story.

The work was written with the mindset of a female reader but no pronouns were used so any reader may enjoy~

Warnings: I don’t know of any to tag >.< Loneliness? Minor Violence? Fluff? A Kiss???

And maybe sometimes love isn't meant to be. And perhaps sometimes it is better to love someone than to be loved yourself. And sometimes love comes and goes, and other times it just goes. Love is like a dam opening and closing as the water rises and falls in hopes of keeping everything in order, in hopes of homeostasis. If love was like a river, then yours must have run dry, the idea of a balanced ecosystem, something of the past. The summer months were approaching fast, and how would you make it through this long drought again?

Water, an essential component of life, something that everyone needs. Love, something you once equated to water, is now like that of exquisite jewelry, something only the rich in life has.

Maybe it was your personality that was unapproachable; perhaps you were too plain and boring; maybe it was the universe punishing you for being born. The maybe's and possibilities as to why you never found love piled up. Your brain found in its darkest crevices perfectly valid reasons as to why you were lonely. You were shy, too shy. Your voice was never loud enough for people to hear, even when you tried to speak. You spent so many years making yourself small and unnoticeable that now when you wish people would throw a glance your way, it never came. You were never pretty, or at least not in the eyes of those that caught your attention. You found yourself boring and without much of a personality, and you knew that others felt that way too. You never stepped out of your comfort zone because you never had anyone you felt comfortable enough to step out to. You had grown so accustomed to your ways that when someone started to take an interest in you, you'd push them away.

How is it to love and never be loved? It was lonely, to say the least—no one to share your feelings with and no one to share moments of happiness with. Your life was lonely, and you didn't know how to escape it.

How is it to be loved but be so oblivious to it? It was painful but only for the person loving you. To see their efforts dismissed because you were so used to being alone, so used to being unloved. To know the pain, you hide because you never had anyone to share it with. To see you suffering alone even though he was right there. To have a ruthless harbinger admire you was one thing, but to have one be troubled by the way you dismiss any kindness towards you was another.

"(Y/N), why won't you look at me?" The boy pleaded.

Why would you look at him? You asked yourself. Just another person passing through your life for what, a day this time, or a week, a month, maybe a year, but not long enough for you to trust your heart with again. Too many people passing through, too little pieces of your heart left to give—too many years of being left alone to know how to let someone else in.

You turned further away, walking down the busy streets of Liyue. The trees rustling in the wind reminding you that summer was approaching once again. Maybe if you ignore him, he'll go away. Perhaps you have finally lost all sanity, and the man speaking to you is nothing but a vivid hallucination built to keep the loneliness at bay.

A hand clasps around your arm, and you knew they were real. You knew good and well that you ignored the one guy you have had your eyes on since the second they walked into town, but why are you dismissing him now?

Loneliness is like a black hole sucking you in until you can't escape.

"Listen, (Y/N), I see the way you steal glances at me when I walk down the street. Why can't you look at me now?" His voice was torn, unsure of what to do because someone dared to ignore him with such a somber look plastered on their face.

"Because," your voice faltered as you stopped walking. "Because, nothing." You decided not to answer, why give your heart to a harbinger of all people. Yeah, give your heart to someone who literally takes people's hearts for a living, you thought.

"You can tell me. I'll listen," Childe said as he pulled your hand and your unwilling body over to a quiet table just above the noise of the streets.

You admit you didn't want to be unwilling; you just didn't know anymore how to be open to others.

Pulling a chair out for you, Childe then sat down across from you and placed his head contently in the cup of his hand, ready to listen to every word that fell from your lips. He was not expecting you to sit there at the table and quietly cry as he watched frantically racking his mind on what to do. At first, he thought it would be best to sit patiently and wait until you stopped crying, but as time stretched on, he became more and more distressed. After long antagonizing moments of contemplation, Childe rose from his chair and sat closer to you, offering a shoulder to cry on as he wrapped his strong arm around you. You found yourself leaning into his embrace and cherishing his presence. Noticing this, you soon composed yourself and thanked Childe for his time before begrudgingly leaving his company, in which you so desperately wanted to stay.

You told yourself in the first steps you took heading away from him not to go back and find yourself in his warm embrace again because it felt so intoxicating there that you wanted to stay forever, you wanted to give him your whole heart when there was only so little left to give. You told yourself to make yourself even smaller and to grow colder, so he stays away, but a heart born in Snezhnaya is already so used to the cold.

In the days following that, you and your strong will only left the confines of your home when absolutely necessary. If by chance you did venture out into Liyue, you made sure it was by the dark of night, and you kept your head down, eyes cast barely above your shoes, only making eye contact with shopkeepers to pay the dues. The streets of Liyue at night were always a sight that brought your gaze from the ground to the world around you, but in an attempt to avoid the sharp blue eyes of that reckless harbinger, you left behind a sight you adored.

Soon those days turned to weeks, and a habit had formed, and the pattern of your life shifted. You began to become familiar with Liyue's nighttime scene, and you began to prefer it as the crowds of people dwindled down, and the soul piercing eyes of Childe never found you. To be honest, you missed his gaze and the cocky way he walked the streets with confidence, but to protect yourself, you thought to stay away. And sometimes, when you protect yourself, you end up hurting or getting hurt more.

Childe was worried at your absence from the quaint streets of Liyue. He, instead of going about his official business at the Northland Bank, began waiting at shops he'd seen you visit daily in hopes to see you, in hopes to coax your heart out of its shell, in hopes to help you carry the pain. In heartbreaking instances, Childe would think to see a glimpse of you from the corner of his eye, and his heart would race at the thought of seeing you just once again, only to be crushed by the image of someone else reflecting into his eyes. He wanted to curse those people, but more than anything, he wanted to curse his heart for jumping at the thought of you.

Childe, having scoured the streets for weeks, began to worry if you had fallen ill or had left for good, and his head was shrouded in turmoil. Lonely nights in his bed turned to lonely nights in his house, his thoughts echoing off the wall, pacing around in their own cage. He only knew of violence, but yet he could not stop thinking of how he held you so fragile when you cried, so violence he turned to. He tore out his house into the streets of Liyue to interrogate and rough up anyone he could in hopes of finding you. Knuckles tight, he grabbed civilian's shirts and demanded had they seen (Y/N). Most of them were too terrified even to give a proper answer, which fueled his growing rage even more. Some civilians got off lucky as their shirts slipped from his grasps, while others were less fortunate than that. Dawn was slowly approaching as a yellow hue graced the horizon while Childe's bloody knuckles dangled by his side.

"Love comes and goes," he mumbled under his breath, "but why can't I let this one go?"

Not even hours passed before the word had spread through all of Liyue that a crazy ginger-haired harbinger tore through half of Liyue looking for you, leaving a trail of half battered bodies in his wake. You thought that in any other instance in your life, you would be scared by that news, but you weren't. Maybe, you thought, if someone was willing to go to such lengths to find you that perhaps this time, love wouldn't go. Perhaps this time, rain will come in the form of Childe, and the drought in your heart will be quenched. But some walls are built to last, and the wall barring your heart would not be an easy one to break. Strength, perseverance, patience, and a fierce tenderness could all hold the key to the breaking of the wall.

So the next night when you strolled the streets of Liyue you did not dare walk with your head down as before, you let your eyes flutter over the docks, hoping once more for a glimpse of Childe, of the harbinger with a delusion, of the man who's touch you could not erase from your memory. His embrace from weeks ago still imprinted on your skin. The stall owners began giving you sideways glances as you passed, and whispers of you and the harbinger of death filled the air. You wanted to hide away from their eyes, but you knew somewhere deep down that the only way you could find love was to give your heart away again, and so you walked with the purpose to find him. You felt exposed, all eyes staring at you, and in moments your heart lurched to a stop when a shadow in the dark had the same form as him. Disappointment was always soon to follow as a Millelith or drunkard emerged in his place. Perhaps you thought, as your mind wandered deeper into the darkness as the night stretched on, maybe, after all, Childe gave up on you. Maybe last night, he was giving up on you as his fist met the faces of others. Perhaps he found you impossible and unlovable after your shying away and weeks of not seeing you.

In an instant, dawn was upon you, and your feet were planted in front of the Northland Bank. This wasn't how the story was supposed to go. Childe was never supposed to approach you and ask why you wouldn't look at him. Childe was never supposed to be kind and to take you to a quiet spot to talk. You were never supposed to cry because you were touched by that act of caring. You were never supposed to shed a tear in front of him. He was never supposed to want to listen so intently to what you would have said. Childe was never supposed to hold you in his arms so carefully as if his touch might break you. You opened the doors to the Northland Bank and asked for Childe so you could tell him what you would have said that day at the table above the streets. The employees raised an eyebrow, knowing no one ever asks for Childe, but before they could escort you to his office, he emerged from behind them.

"(Y/N)" his voice was hoarse, and his eyes seemed much darker than before.

"I want to tell you what I didn't say before." The words escaped your lips at the volume of a whisper.

Taking your hand, Childe leads you through Liyue to a quiet tea shop.

"I was worried about you." Childe blurted as you both sat down with your teas.

"I know. I'm sorry." You said, a slight flush rising in your cheeks.

"If you knew then, why?" Childe asked, concerned.

"Because, Childe." You took a breath of the warm Liyue air. "I have gotten stuck in my ways. I have been alone for so long that I don't know how to accept your love or anyone's love. I don't know how to accept company when I have been so used to no one by my side. I am unsure if my heart can handle someone else walking out with a piece of it and never coming back. I have done things on my own for so long I-"

"And we can learn together," Childe said, reaching his gloved hand out to yours.

"But," you wanted to protest.

"But nothing." Childe insisted. "Love comes and goes, but I don't want to let you go. Love is hard, and learning to love is hard, but we can learn to love together."

"If I ask you if you love me 100 times a day, then would you still want to be with me? If I doubted you and ran away from your kindness, would you find that desirable?" You asked, looking deeply into his eyes, hoping Childe knew what he was asking for in wanting a relationship with you.

"It is easier for me to tell you 100 times a day that I love you than to stand by idly and watch you suffer on your own. If you didn't doubt my kindness, then I would not be living up to my name as a harbinger then would I?" Childe laughed lightly, trying to dissipate the thickness of the air. "And besides, prey is not as fun to catch if they don't run." Childe winked charmingly.

You smiled and punched his arm, to which he recoiled from.

"Be serious." You whined.

Childe's eyes grew a shade darker, and his face dawned a saddened expression.

"(Y/N) have you ever seen someone you love suffer and not be able to do anything? Well, in case you haven't, it is painful, more painful than watching someone die. Seeing you suffer from being alone and your self-doubt is harder for me than anything because it is not like a wound I can patch up. So please let me in, let me share your pain. Tell me your secrets and all your favorite memories. Let me be the kind of person that you have always wanted. Let me help you. I want us to grow as people together." Childe's eyes searched yours, praying the words he said reached your heart.

You sat there stunned at his words and decided that this was the time, now to step out of your comfort zone and to give your heart away, knowing that this time it won't go to waste.

And at that moment, the first rain of summer came, and the drought your heart had been in for so long had been washed away. Childe, a fatui harbinger, a killer, had a heart for you, and happiness bubbled in your chest.

As the rain fell harder, you and Childe stood from the chairs. Before you could run to shelter, he grabbed you by the waist and kissed your lips softly, pulling you into his strong embrace. Hair plastered to his face; he smiled at you as he rested his chin atop your head.

Love was like fine jewelry, and you were finally rich enough in life.

[pikablob]

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ have a bunch of these!!

It's a heave-ho! ho-ho! Coming down the plains And I'm stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains And it's a ho-hey! hi-hey! Farmer bar your door When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shore

from The Last Saskatchewan Pirate, by the Derina Harvey Band

For a pretty long time this has been associated in my head with Captain Celaeno from the G4 MLP movie, as someone who abandoned menial work to be a pirate; I actually based a D&D character off her and used this song as her theme, creating a whole town based on the song:

A seed of an idea, like mustard greens Like newborn fingers Curled and half asleep Awake with a thunder from underneath Stretch up and reach through The hardest part of me

from Rio Grande, by the Oh Hellos

A lot of Zephyrus vibes with Aster and the Accidental Magic for me (in general the Oh Hellos have that vibe), but this particular song I really like for Aestas, as an immortal being but one who's just a normal person who I tend to headcanon as pretty lonely before she meets Aster:

They sat down together, the grass it was green And the day was the finest that ever was seen The look in your eye beats a mornin' in May I could lay by your side till the next market day

from Next Market Day by Noel McLoughlin:

I haven't listened to this one in a long time, but it does already have an association for me; the story of meeting an alluring stranger while out travelling really vibed with N and his relationship with Hilda (or FerrisWheelShipping) from Pokemon Black & White:

Hey, young blood, doesn't it feel Like our time is running out? I'm going to change you like a remix Then I'll raise you like a phoenix

from The Phoenix, by Fall Out Boy

This is a weird one, because this song is actually a theme for two completely different characters in my head; it has always been Mai's theme in my Multiverse AU, but now it's also Sasha's Calamity theme in Titanomachy, largely because their arcs are very similar:

There beside the singing river That dark mass of men were seen, Far above their shining weapons hung Their own beloved green. Death to every foe and traitor, Forward strike the marching tune, And hurrah me boys for freedom, 'Tis the Rising of the Moon.

from The Rising of The Moon, by the Clancy Brothers feat. Tommy Makem

Thanks to a mod, this is already a theme in my head, specifically the main theme of Nora (as general) and the Commonwealth Minutemen in Fallout 4:

When the world seems grim and dark When the sky won't show a star When fog is thicker than the sea Travel through the blackest night In the forest hides a light You'll find it if you follow me

from Oh The Bliss, by Dan Romer feat. Jenny Owen Youngs

All of the cult music from Far Cry 5 is associated with Infinity Train, and specifically the Apex, in my head; both versions of Oh The Bliss are actually Hazel's themes, partially due to the vibes and partially due to the line "In the forest hides a light":

[neapolitanadonna]

cottagecore has taken over my life. can i request a scenario where human au England is living in this little cottage in the flower fields and he sees this strange girl in the fields all the time? He just kinda watches her and admires her and stuff and cute soft cottage core things ack I'll leave the creativity to you THANK YOU!!!

Oh you KNOW my cottagecore ass had fun with this one. I genuinely felt soft writing this so I hope everyone feels soft too. I love getting the opportunity to make imperialists look soft, its by far my favorite hobby of this quarantine. 

Also this is a bit long, so remember to click keep reading!!

Arthur was a hardworking man in the government who, despite practically signing his life away to it, hated the government. His London flat, aggressive cabbies, black coffee at 5 in the morning, three piece suit everyday life was something that got him far in life, it was a shame that most days, he couldn’t care less about it. 

After his grandmother passed, she left him her small brick cottage in Painswick. At first he thought of selling it, not that he needed the extra money, it would just be a shame to leave empty real estate. He didn’t think he would ever spend his days in the little place, but in a time where he tried to manifest nothing but peace, the universe brought him to the cottage. 

He spends his weekends there. It isn’t big government buildings and the bustling streets of London, but to him, it’s perfect. If he wasn’t tethered to the responsibilities of being an adult, he would pack up everything he had and move to the cottage. He considered it often, he had nothing left in London for him, anyway. He lived alone in London and in Painswick, but Painswick felt less lonely. 

His grandmother's cottage was relatively secluded, far enough from the little village to be truly alone, but close enough if he needed to walk to get anything. However, oddly enough, even if there were no other residences near him, one particular creature always showed up in his backyard. 

He wasn’t a fan of judging a woman by her physical traits, but he remembers the first time he laid eyes on her perfectly. It was cinematic, and if it was a film, he would watch it again and again. She wore a baby blue dress with a flower print that fell just above her knees. Her hair was pulled back into braids with two little bows the same color as her dress. He couldn’t quite see the color of her eyes from his window, but they held some sort of power in them even from afar. As she gently walked through the flower fields, she tucked the wildflowers she picked into the weaves of her braids, filling them with Bluebells, Columbine, Daisies, and Cornflowers. She didn’t trip over plants or roots that peeked through the dirt. She seemed to thank the earth each time she picked a flower. As he watched her card through the flowers, spin in the field, then sit under the Crab apple tree up upon the hill, he figured he must’ve been hallucinating. It had been a long week of work, he had gone through so many rough emotions that it was possible she was an angel and he was on the verge of death. 

Until she showed up again. 

Her visits to his field were almost scheduled, but sporadic all at the same time. She would come, sometimes pick flowers, others leave them alone, but dance among them either way. She would sometimes bring little baskets of peaches and bread for herself, other times she came with nothing but herself. She once got close enough to a deer that it let her pet its head, the same thing happened another time with a rabbit. His grandmother used to tell him stories and lore about Painswick, how faeries disguised themselves as humans to lure them in. He couldn’t help but wonder if his grandmother wasn’t just telling old tales. There was no way this girl was human. 

She seemed devoid of any human flaw. She couldn’t have been any older than 20, but even though Arthur was 23, his position aged him five years. She always seemed so happy, so carefree, like nothing in the world could have made her upset. If anyone else came through his property to take his flowers, he would be sure to lecture them, but she was his only exception. 

It was a Saturday morning when Arthur woke up feeling less on edge than usual. He was so used to having a migraine that waking up without one felt like a giant weight off his shoulders. The light filtered through the old blinds just perfectly, hitting the old paintings of flowers on the wall. It occurred to him that he did more staring out his window into the fields than he did outside. Maybe today would be the perfect day for him to spend a day out there, no stress, no work, and definitely no migraine. 

The sun was still rising as he walked out into the fields. He never noticed it before, but bumble bees danced around every honeysuckle and corn flower. He supposed they would be hard to notice from far away. 

He set down his little blanket at the base of the crab apple tree. It made him feel a certain sense of anxiety knowing that this is where the ethereal girl usually spent her time, that he was sitting in her spot despite it being his property. He looked out on the fields, the sun rising behind them, and began to realize why the girl loved it here so much. 

He spent a good while like this, staring off into the fields, down at his cottage, the trees and wood that extended beyond the fields. He only stopped daydreaming when he heard humming. 

He recognized it as Donovan’s “Sunny Goodge Street” before he processed who the humming could have possibly come from. When his brain finally did process, yes, it had to be none other than the voice of the girl, he felt his heart leap into his throat. She must’ve been coming up from behind, and his best option was to sit absolutely still from the other side of the tree hoping she would walk the other way around and avoid him completely. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to her, but he couldn’t quite admit that he was afraid. She had all the odds of the universe on her side, she might’ve been mother nature herself, and who was he compared to that? Unfortunately, his desires came to a fault. Her humming stopped, and her footsteps got louder. A soft, faint giggle could be heard from behind the tree. 

“Hello?” Arthur’s heart leaped to his throat again. Such a sweet voice she had, too. In retrospect, he should've moved, stood up to greet her and introduce himself, but he was frozen. He spent all week talking and negotiating with big government hot shots, yet he couldn’t face a silly girl who spent her days in the flower fields. 

“Are you hiding from me?” She giggled again, and then she was next to him, standing above him. He couldn’t help but exhale deeply the moment he saw her. His cheeks were for sure red, such an embarrassing thing for a grown man, he thought. She wore the same blue dress she wore the day he first saw her, her hair let loose and gently curled around her shoulders, instead. 

“Are you the funny man who lives down in the cottage there?” She asked, taking an uninvited seat in front of him on his blanket. She smelled like honey, roses, and the morning. She was even more beautiful up close than she was from his bedroom window. 

“Lots of questions you have for me. I should be the one asking who you are. This is my property” Arthur replied. The moment he said it, he felt a pang of guilt. He had a hard time talking to somebody without being defensive anymore. The girl didn’t seem to care. 

“I’m really sorry.” She smiled, almost solemnly. “I’m __. There was this sweet old lady, Mrs. Kirkland, who lived here quite a bit ago. She was a regular at my nans flower shop in town, she used to invite me over quite a bit to have tea. Before she passed, she told me I could still visit the fields whenever I wanted. It never occurred to me that somebody else would be living here after she…” 

“Oh, don’t worry, __.”  Was all Arthur could muster up saying. The way her name spilled off his tongue sent a shot of adrenaline up his spine. __. So very fitting. 

He found it strange from the start that his grandmother left him her cottage, of all things. Maybe, somehow, this was her funny little way of playing matchmaker for him. The blush rose back to his cheeks. 

“I’m Mrs. Kirklands grandson, Arthur. I’m sorry for making accusations.” 

“It’s alright.” She smiled. “I’m sure if I saw some strange girl on my property I would be curious, too.” 

“How did you know I lived here?” Arthur asked, meeting her bright __ eyes. 

“It just feels less lonely when you’re here.” She smiled. “That, and I heard you drop your mug one morning. Your reaction wasn’t all that discreet.”

She giggled, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. 

“Oh, for fucks sake, you mean to tell me you saw that?” 

“I promise I’m not a stalker,” her smile seemingly permanent on her face. “Just observant, is all.” 

“I wasn’t accusing you of being one.” 

“Oh, but I can tell you’ve thought about it.” 

Arthur wanted to tell her he didn’t think any malice of her. He wanted to tell her that even if she was stalking him, it was the best intrusion of his privacy he’s ever had. He wanted to grab her little hand that rested upon her knee, but he knew he couldn’t. He’s never felt so intimidated by another person in his life. 

Arthur said nothing to her in response, and instead for a moment, __ studied him, then stood up. 

“Don’t leave.” He said, suddenly. It wasn’t even his intention, it came out of him on instinct. She looked back down on him and smiled, and shook her head. 

“I wasn’t planning on it, darling.” She giggled. “I’ll be right back.” 

Arthur watched her as she tumbled down the hill to the fields, the tall grasses and flowers welcoming her like she was a part of them. He finally had the opportunity to sigh, and run a hand through his hair. He couldn’t stop thinking about how his grandmother probably set this whole thing up for him, she was always a clever woman. 

__ came back a few minutes later with hands full of flowers. She sat back down in front of him, and carefully broke the stems of the flowers to make them shorter. He wanted to question her process, but instead just watched her. He finally made a noise when his breath hitched as she moved to push some of his hair out of his face. 

“You have the most beautiful green eyes I’ve ever seen.” __ marveled, her own eyes gentle as they looked into his. 

“I- Thank you.” Arthur held back a stammer. She brushed his hair from his face again, then gently placed a daisy behind his ear. 

“Perfect.” She giggled, pushing his hair away from the other side of his face to make room for another daisy. 

“You’re ridiculous, woman.” He shook his head, but couldn’t hold back a smile. “Who on god's earth are you?” 

She shook her head, and shrugged. 

“I’m just trying to enjoy the life I was given. No use in living unless you spend every day the way you want.” 

“Do you work?” 

“At my nans flower shop, yes. It’s not as much about money as it is enjoying my time with my nan.” She shook her head. “Besides basic bills and the likes, everything I need I make myself.” 

“Do you drive?” 

“A bike. I never felt the need for a car.” 

“Do you have a cellphone?” 

“Of course, I like to live naturally, that doesn’t mean I’m a barbarian.” 

“I was just wondering.” Arthur chuckled, making the bold move of pushing her hair out of her face. Her eyes fluttered shut and a small smile spread across her face. He grabbed a cornflower and tucked it behind her ear. He felt breath against his arm, there was something so intimate about her breathing. It had barely started to occur to him that this was the girl he’s admired from afar for months. 

“Perfect.” He teased, eliciting a giggle from her. His hand still touched against the softness of her cheek, lingering there, but she didn’t seem to mind. She gently reached for his hand, lowering it from her face, and instead threading her fingers in between his. The softness of her skin, the warmth of her smile, the sweet little chime in her voice, everything about her overwhelmed him. 

God, he wished he could thank his grandmother for this.

[01010010-posts]

— for a night of wine i'll pay one hundred days of vinegar.

it’s more noticeable when gavin’s shaved the day before. it’s a lot smaller, now. but it was kinda of a big deal at 15, though. one is next to his cupid’s bow, on the right. rather minuscole, gavin would say, as his hand guides the chin up and down in front of the oblong mirror. the other is under his lips, on the left side, a bit bigger than the first but yes, smaller than what he’d remember nevertheless. it’s somewhat still vivid in his memory. the earliest time he tasted violence and blood (and could never get enough after that). in his gums the tinge of rust and metal. the same that teased his skin sufficiently to left cuts. it was because he ran his mouth too much, too hazardous; and they decided to let his tongue fall out, right there, on the ground, but he wasn’t about the same idea and shoved a kick in the stomach to whoever was pinning him down. returning home, shirt stained blackish-red, gavin thought his mother made a much bigger fuss regarding the whole ordeal than his ‘opponents’. his dad, raising glasses off the newspaper for a moment, concluded with a joke that, if they’d really got his tongue he’d never drown and it ain’t all bad.

the car ride to work is not so terrible. at 6AM there aren’t many people yet. it’s quiet. just him, the toxic smokes in the sky inhaling from the rolled down window and ‘heaven knows i’m miserable now’ by the smiths on the radio. too bad the DPD is what actually makes gavin irritable. those stupid androids receptionists, nothing more than expensive assembled people-pleasers, always full of forged smiles and phony lines. he immediately goes straight to the break room to grab a coffee. good morning my ass. he’s much more at ease with rotten bodies on a freezing afternoon. they don’t speak, don’t ask and, above everything, don’t bother him. unlike that thing he’s been assigned a crime scene with, which has been talking reed’s ear off for minutes at this point. of course, as that thing explains the case’s details he probably rolls his eyes a hundred times. for fuck’s sake, he knows how to do his job, don’t need the opinions of a machine ‘are your eyes okay, detective?’ it inquires. the question is laced with bare curiosity and a dash of innocence. but gavin resents it. and interprets the phrase as a joke. about him. not with him. and that’s not okay “they rolled away down the interstate” he scoffs and takes a cig out of his breast pocket, putting it between his head and his right ear.

it’s 2024. gavin’s 22 now. and his father is dead. cancer. he didn’t know. his parents keeping it a secret so he could continue living a year more without worry. and while that was probably the best decision for everyone.... he can’t help but think about how much he took for granted, thinking this would last forever. about all the time he wasted away from him, not talking to him, not travelling with him, all the birthdays and the holidays. he regrets. and he’ll regret much more as he continues to grow. as his stubble continues itching. as his scars keep forming. he knows he’ll regret for the rest of his life. he hopes his mum can forgive him. but he can’t cry today. he won’t. the tears at the end of his throat creating a painful knot. one he’s not able to force out of his mouth by pinching with his indexes the end of the thread. they’ll stay there for a long time. he’s (not) ok. tomorrow’s the funeral and gavin has been staring at the ceiling for a whole day. back on his bed, hands on top of each other over his chest. fixating on spiders making their webs, waiting for bugs to fly towards them and getting entangled in sticky wires, only to end up bite-poisoned. just that. just waiting. how he envies them. because god’s not going to throw a bone at this lonely dog.

he comes home at an unreasonable hour. opens his door and tosses the few things on his persona to the cluttered couch. gavin doesn’t have a table, nor a dining room. he never has guests, and doesn’t plan to. because of this (and his inflated pay) the tiny apartment consist of only a cozy living space, a bathroom and a bedroom. his fridge is rather empty and his dinner will most likely consist of an ashtray, leftover pizza and the last canned beer.  while comfortably supine the detective can review the cases’ files. he doesn’t mind working more. he never minds work. it’s what kept him sane and busy for years. and he loves it. maybe not the part in which he should visit the deceased victim’s family, not the part about writing reports, not the part where he has to socialize, sure, but the idea, the idea of doing something he’s exceptionally good at, something that will give him the chance to rise above this heap of trash who only want to be a simple gear in a mechanism. he loves it. absentmindedly chewing, ochre and white paper scattered on every crevice available, he touches the middle of his nose. a habit he doesn’t realize he got. developed after the biggest gash on his face healed. from there to the lobe of his left ear.

it was in his first years as an officer, or maybe it was before that? nobody except gavin ever knew the truth to that story. one day he just woke up in a hospital bed, face half covered in bandages, body barely fitting a washed green gown. cursing everything in himself, in the world, cursing whatever left him in an alley, alive, bloody, alone. he could have died and everyone would have remembered him fondly. instead, as that day, he was back on the cold ground, looking up at the cerulean sky. instead, as that other day, his shirt was dirty and red; his mother will probably make a fuss this time too. in those moments he thought were the last of his life, he was strangely happy; selfish until the last moment, selfish as a necessity, necessity of living he never asked for. instead, like a cat, he got another life up his sleeve. and if he survived he owed almost all of it to the people he hated. androids, after all. in what he thought was the rest of his life, he wanted to scream that he didn’t need anybody’s permission to set himself on fire.

in the future, there’s a tauntingly soft ‘here’ before RK900 hands gavin a cloth cold pack. the detective refuses it with an indolent movement of his bruised knuckles and the androids can’t help but uncomfortably sit on the police car hood next to him, pack of shiny ice in his palm; since there’s no blood in him, it won’t melt, since he’s not warm, he’s not living “what doesn’t kill you....” a pause of few seconds, as if the android is actually searching for the perfect words. no need to say, they both know he already has them and is only mocking him “makes you ugly?” a grin showing his handmade speckless teeth. gavin still resents it. so absurdly flawless, it almost resembles the grimace of a nocturnal animal about to devour a carcass more than a simple smile. it hurts to look at it. reed can’t stand it. and his gaze returns to the ground “eh, jealous because bar chicks go crazy for a wounded cop?” the tone is ironic, as a couple drops of blood flow from his features and become pulp onto the tarmac ��i thought these so-called ‘bar chicks’ loved cops with their nose still on.” a muffled fist of cough. maybe, starting to smoke while still dizzy, is not his best thought “so if i break my face and i don’t look so great? my face is just my face.” another impeccable faint chuckle, it seems unreal, ethereal, from above “i see.” silence, longer this time “mhh, how does that saying go? life gives you lemons....” gavin unceremoniously props his head on RK900’s shoulder, staining his white jacket a weak burgundy “shut up. at least it gave you something.” and like this, in the future, gavin reed has a new scar.