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carewyncromwell · 10 months

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"I don't really need this in my life... Why don't we forget about it? (Go and take your soul...) (Go and take your soul...)

Thing is -- (Thing is -- ) Time was -- (Time was --) Part of me used to love you: Part of me still does... This light here -- Some become strangers..."

~"Some Become Strangers" by Stevie Nicks

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Carewyn's dress inspiration // the other main song I listened to while drawing this

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So I thoroughly blame @dat-silvers-girl for this...but while talking with her about my recent Evan Bach post, I mentioned that since Evan and the remainder of his family is in Westminster, just south of London, and Carewyn ends up settling in London to work for the Ministry of Magic, there would be a very good chance that the two could cross paths, even unknowingly.

When Evan was taking the Tube to work one day as usual, though, he did cross paths with Carewyn -- and on his end, at least, it was very knowingly. What first caught his attention was the teenage boy in his train car talking to someone on his other side.

"Ms. Cromwell? You okay?"

It was the name "Cromwell" that caught Evan's attention. He'd heard it more than once before, of course -- it was a relatively common surname -- but it still made him start every time, since it was Lane's maiden name. And according to that frankly kind of meddlesome witch Donna, Evan knew that his children had gone back to using that surname too, rather than his. When he looked up this time, though, he was confronted with the sight of the teenage boy standing on the train talking to a well-dressed young woman with ginger-red hair, sitting down a short ways away and holding her forehead in her hand.

"Mm...yes," she said lowly, after a moment. She forced a small ruby red smile as she looked up at him. "I just haven't...been in such tight proximity with so many people, in a while. It's...louder, than I remember it."

Evan blanched when he took note of the woman's eyes -- a bit sunken-in, but almond-shaped, and bright blue. However shadowed, they were Lane's.

Evan very quickly turned away, his heart racing. God, why -- why here, why her? Why his daughter? Why here, on his daily commute, right now...?

Was Lane here too? Jacob? God, the thought of seeing either of them almost made Evan feel more nauseous. Seeing Lane after so many years was a prospect that daunted Evan, but seeing his son was almost more terrifying. Jacob had always had a temper, and he'd so strangely latched onto his sister even as a baby that Evan thought it'd be likely he'd have to physically defend himself, if Jacob caught sight of him...that is, if Lane wasn't there to diffuse things. Lane had always been the one to try to calm things down...

Despite himself, Evan scanned the train car, searching for his ex-wife. When he didn't see her or Jacob, he felt the faintest flicker of disappointment, and then a wave of overwhelming relief. Not only did he hate the thought of his estranged family causing a scene...but he didn't think how much more strain his heart could've taken, seeing Lane again after so long...

"Do you not take the Tube much?" asked the teenage boy from behind Evan.

"Well, no. As you know, there are many other ways to get around. But well, considering where we're going, I figured those methods wouldn't be as ideal."

"You can Apparate with other people too, right?" said the boy mischievously. "That sounds fun."

"Mind what you say in public, Erik," said Carewyn, before adding something a bit quieter under her breath. Evan just barely picked out the word "Muggle."

Evan's lips came together tightly. So this boy was like Carewyn and Jacob, then? He was part of that...freak world of theirs too? To think that such a promising young boy would be molded in their image rather than live a normal life, same as Jacob was...

A thought occurred to Evan that made him straighten up sharply. Was this boy -- ?!

When Evan looked at the boy called Erik, though, he found he didn't resemble Carewyn much at all. Plus he looked to be 13 or 14, at least...Carewyn couldn't be his mother: she would've had to have been a mere child herself when he was born, if she had been. And Erik had called her "Ms. Cromwell" -- he couldn't be related to her by blood. If he was her son, he'd have called her "Mother," and if he was her sibling through another marriage (this thought made Evan's stomach squirm), he would've just called her by her name. And yet the way Carewyn spoke to him...it wasn't just platonic, there was something almost maternal there...

Was this boy her stepson, perhaps? Evan wondered. Had Winnie married an older man -- someone already married? She was a young adult now, it wasn't out of the realm of possibility that she'd be married...she was probably the same age Evan was, when he married Lane. But to marry someone who had a son this old already... Evan couldn't help but frown disapprovingly, imagining his daughter marrying a man a good twenty years her senior.

"Anyway...thanks for this, Ms. Cromwell," said Erik. "Coming with me to the cinema and all."

"Well, I could hardly just drop you off and leave you there," Carewyn said with a wry smile.

"I told you you could."

"You can tell me whatever you want: it doesn't mean I'll agree with it. And besides...this clearly means a lot to you. I want to be there with you for it."

The way Carewyn spoke to Erik startled Evan yet again. It certainly didn't sound like how he expected a mother to speak to her son -- Lane certainly had never sounded so casual with Jacob, and she was always much more coddling of him than Evan himself was. It was almost sibling-esque, the way they interacted -- and yet Carewyn's sentiment still came across as so...maternal, for lack of a better word. So fond and proud...

Evan turned around, just in time to see Erik's snarky expression seemed to visibly soften.

"...Thanks, Ms. Cromwell."

The boy with the curly blond hair then seemed to sober slightly.

"...Ms. Cromwell...I wanted to say I'm sorry. For what I said the other day."

Carewyn blinked, startled.

"To that biddy in Diagon Alley," Erik prompted. "You know, the one who called you my mum."

Carewyn seemed to immediately understand, and her face grew much more gentle. "Erik..."

"I shouldn't have made such a big deal about it," Erik muttered, his eyes awkwardly drifting over to his and Carewyn's reflections in the window. "I mean, yeah, she was stupid to think it, when you're not even that much older than me and we don't look a thing alike -- but well, you do kind of act like my -- like a mum sometimes -- and you were with me while I was getting my school supplies, so it was only logical for her to think it. And well...I don't want you to think I'm ungrateful...you know, for everything..."

"Erik," Carewyn cut him off very firmly. She brought a hand up and took hold of his shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "That is the last thing I would think."

She paused. Despite himself, Evan couldn't help but listen that bit more intently, even while trying to not draw attention to himself.

"...After what happened to your mother...I understand you being upset about what that woman said," Carewyn said softly. "Of course I don't think it was right for you to have sworn at her...but I know your anger came out of trauma and pain, not anything vindictive or cruel. And the last thing I'd ever want to do is replace your mother...or your father. I know I never could, even if I wanted to."

Her eyes fell on her own hand on Erik's shoulder rather than staying locked on his.

"...I don't want to be your mother, Erik. I'm very happy just being your guardian, for however long you need me. That's all I sought from the court, and that's all I want to be."

"Guardian." Then Carewyn had adopted this boy, as his legal guardian? Evan tried to envision raising Jacob on his own in his mid-twenties without Lane, and the mental image was intimidating. Being raised by his great-uncle more than his own parents, Evan would've been utterly clueless in being a single parent -- even Lane he always assumed did a better job of it than he ever would have...

Erik's face had lost nearly all of its edge by this point -- if anything, his expression betrayed something much warmer.

"You really are smashing, Ms. Cromwell," he said. "I hope you know that."

His smile then grew a bit more devilish again.

"...So...since you're not mad about what I said...does this mean you'll give me some more of those special lessons you promised me?"

Carewyn gave a loud huff. "Those 'special lessons' are supposed to be to help you defend yourself -- they're not a reward to be taken away when I'm unhappy with you. But I could very well withhold some of the rather nice Christmas presents I've set aside, if you don't learn to clean up your language."

Erik gave a loud, cackling laugh that prompted Carewyn to smile a bit more wryly herself as she got up.

"Well, come on, then -- here's our stop."

Her sparkly starred heels clapped against the floor as she crossed to the closest door. Evan watched his daughter go, wrapping her arm around her ward as the two climbed off the train and into the crowd of the underground station. Then, silently shifting his gaze out the opposite window, Evan watched the wall fly past him as the train picked up steam and sped off toward the next stop.

Because Carewyn had been focused so tightly on Erik and his mind, so as to quiet the thoughts of all the other people on the train she could've picked up, she'd had no idea that she'd been sitting mere feet away from her father. Even if she had chosen to look anywhere besides Erik, it's likely she still wouldn't have noticed him -- for she had no memory of the man's face and would therefore have likely only seen him as a stranger. Which, sadly enough, he practically was, even while they still lived together...

Carewyn was a stranger to him. Evan knew it, and he'd known it, even when she was small. He'd never "gotten" her, largely because part of him had been afraid to -- failing so badly to connect with Jacob had been so painful that the thought of messing up again, and worse, with Carewyn had made him withdraw from her, hesitant to let her in. But there had been moments, here and there, where he'd deeply regretted not knowing her. Times when she -- strangely enough -- almost seemed more like him than Jacob had been. More respectful of the rules -- more interested in pleasing others. And yet Evan knew he truly hadn't known Carewyn. How could he, when it was so blatantly obvious to Lane that she had magic, same as Jacob? And now it was all the more obvious that Carewyn was nothing like Evan. The way she talked to her adopted son -- her "ward"...it was nothing like how Evan had ever talked to Jacob, let alone her. She sounded gentle, affectionate, playful...

She sounded...happy. Raising Erik in her strange World, on her own...Carewyn was happy.

"Are you okay, mister?"

Evan looked up, startled, to see a little girl with cornrows and a sunhat sitting across from him with her mother, who had looked up from her purse with muted concern. It was only when Evan looked up at the two that he saw himself reflected in the window behind him -- and the tear that had leaked out the side of his right eye down his face.

He quickly swept it off his face with one hand.

"Ahem -- yes, I'm...fine."

Feeling embarrassed, Evan turned his focus back out the window, away from the girl and her mother.

Carewyn was happy. It was a thought that was a wave of grief that drowned Evan's soul, and yet...that wave felt strangely comforting, all the same. He stayed floating in that feeling for the rest of his commute, until he finally reached his destination, at which point he walked to work.

Once he reached his office, Evan closed the door and put on an Elvis record as he got to work. It was something he often did, to help pass the time when the day was slow and his depression made it hard for him to soldier through -- and, unbeknownst to Evan, was also what Carewyn herself did, whenever she had trouble focusing on what she was doing.

"Today I stumbled from my bed With thunder crashing in my head, My pillow still wet from last night's tears... And as I think of giving up, A voice inside my coffee cup Kept crying out, ringing in my ears...

'Don't cry, Daddy... Daddy, please, don't cry... Daddy, you've still got me and little Tommy, And together we'll find a brand new mommy... Daddy, Daddy, please laugh again -- Daddy, ride us on your back again -- Oh, Daddy...please, don't cry...'"

#hphm #hogwarts mystery #my art #carewyn cromwell #erik apollo #evan bach #lane cromwell #jacob cromwell #my writing #yes elvis is evan's favorite musician #it's kind of the one 'rebellion' he's ever allowed himself given how straight-laced and ridiculously conservative he is #it's also where carewyn got her own love of rock music though she doesn't remember it #she used to 'dance' to evan's elvis records #but hey let's be honest hound dog is a friggin' bop can you blame her #jacob was never as much into elvis his tastes are decidedly more bubblegum #his favorite band is ABBA and he also loves barbra streisand olivia newton-john and the osmonds #lane's more of a judy collins type <3 #and she's also friggin' in LOVE with traditional choir music #oh yeah the movie carewyn and erik are going to see?#star wars episode i: the phantom menace #released in the summer of 1999 one year after the end of the Second Wizarding War #(Erik ends up really not liking it but hey he's the ultimate star wars fan so of course he was excited about seeing it)

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