#those two feel like lies i just dont know how to tag this

[undercovercameron]

only you

summary: a midnight meeting is never off the table for him.

notes: i cranked this one out like two two weeks ago but i didnt get around to editing it... apologies! this is a continuation of my same person, same mistakes fic, as it concerns rafe with a gf and the reader being highschool fwb with him. features a masturbation kink, dirty talk, and a whole lot of nostalgia! enjoy my darlings, and dont forget to watch the fuck out of obx 3 (i finished it an hour ago and its 2:00 am my time and im not sure). feel free to talk to me about it ;)

tags: rafe cameron x fem!reader

word count: 2213

It’s nearly 3 am when he shows up at your house, mind all over the place, and parks in your driveway. He knows your parents won’t be mad seeing his truck— they can’t help but love him. He slams the driver’s door shut and jogs around to the backyard, breathless in the cooler night air. The grassy shore two hundred or so yards from your house ripples with the harsh wind of early summer storms, and he wipes a hand at his forehead. It’s still hot. 

Rounding the corner, he sees the metal basin that curves around one of your basement bedroom windows, and drops down onto the gravel that lies at the bottom. 

You barely register the sound, fast asleep in your bed when he glances in at the dark room. 

He digs around for a second in the gravel and finds the familiar curve of the window key and quickly unlocks the latch. Throwing it back down, he uses his arms to push up on the handle and slide it far enough so that he can crawl in. 

You turn onto your back in your bed, and he nearly smiles at how you look. So calm, yet so stressed with your eyebrows drawn. But Rafe just hops into your air conditioned room clumsily, shoes quiet on the carpet, and nearly tips over into your desk. He turns to the window and closes it quietly. 

He takes a moment to listen for any movement in the house. He knows your parents go to bed before midnight, so they’re sound asleep—he’s mainly worried about your brother. He was such a cock block in highschool. 

You move in the sheets again and his attention is drawn back to you. You’re so peaceful. Oh, well. 

“Y/N,” he whispers, and reaches to shake your leg. You lick your lips and burrow deeper into your pillow. “Y/N!” He raises his voice, glancing at your locked door. 

“Hm,” is all that comes from your mouth, and your eyelids twitch. 

“Fuck,” he curses to himself. Fine. Grabbing one of your ankles, he drags you to the foot of the bed. 

“Hey!” You croak, startled awake, and blink furiously around. “Oh.” You clear your throat and wipe your eyes. There’s a handsome man at the foot of your bed.

“Hey,” he says, looking down at you, and his hand finds your shoulder. You’re dressed in soft shorts and a skimpy tank top in an effort to remain cool in this summer heat—it makes his heart thump against the wall of his chest.

“Why’re you here?” You ask, voice still groggy, and your skin erupts in goosebumps where his fingers move. 

“I told you I’d come today.” 

“Yeah, during the daytime.” Your eyebrows draw together and you push up onto a hand. “Not in the middle of the night.”

“Do you want me to leave?” His eyes stare down at yours. You look over him, liking the way those jeans and flannel shirt look on him. The crickets chirp outside, and you hear a branch moved by wind brush the side of your house. His hand migrates and a thumb rubs at the skin of your stomach, nudging the hem of your tank top up. 

“No,” you finally settle on, and he steps closer to the bed. 

“Okay,” he murmurs, and dips. Your lips connect, soft against soft, and you shiver. He smells like the sun and that car freshener he keeps in the glove compartment. His hands find your hair, cradling your head, and your body prickles at the touch. It’s so late, and he’s so warm— you just melt into him. You grip at the sides of his shirt and fall back onto your bed, taking him with you. 

He grunts, pulling away from your mouth for a second, and follows you up the bed as you move closer to the headboard. He looks huge like this.

Your legs come together.

He bites his lip and with a hand on your knee moves them back apart. You settle with your shoulders against your pillow, and he leans down, between your legs once more, and kisses you. 

“Rafe,” you mutter into his mouth, and he hums wordlessly in response. Your body is so soft and nice when you arch up into him that he forgets about anything besides you. You grab at his hand at your waist and drag it up your body, and when his thumb brushes your hardening nipple the crotch of his pants tightens. Fuck. 

He pushes his knees into your bed, keeping your legs spread for him, and straightens. His large hands fumble with the buttons of his shirt, and he shrugs it off. The material of the shirt underneath nearly rips with how quick he takes it off. His skin is shiny and strong in the moonlight, and it takes all of your mental strength to not lean up and kiss all over his chest. That would mean you’re desperate to feel and touch him— and you’re definitely not. Between your legs definitely doesn’t ache terribly when he unbuttons his jeans. 

“Please.” You lean up to him, sliding a warm hand around his shoulders, and bring him back down with you. He makes a noise when he feels your fingernails scrape his skin, but your mouth is back on his, so what reason is there to complain? His nose brushes your cheek when he pulls away to tug the tank top strap off of your shoulder, and you shudder in the cold air. 

His thumb nudges your nipple back and forth, making your blood rush in your ears as your chest heaves, and he bows to catch it in his mouth. Rafe sucks, pink lips perfect just for this, and you arch up into him. The scent of body soap washes over him, and he just breathes you in. So sweet. He curls an arm around your waist, forcing your skin up against him, and you make a noise of contentment. 

He mouths at your breast until he has you panting up into the night air, eyes closed, and then moves to the other. Your eyes open briefly and you slide a hand across his head, feeling his warm scalp and soft hair under your fingers. 

He hums into your skin, nipple caught between his teeth, and you nearly cry out. But you hold back, wanting to save it. He pulls at it again, wanting to hear that pained noise you know he loves, and your heart skips a beat. You suck in a breath. 

“So responsive,” he murmurs into you, and his gaze briefly moves to your face—his dick hardens even more. 

“I’m impatient, Rafe,” you huff, petting his hair, and squeeze your thighs around him. “Please.”

“Needy,” he says more to himself than you, but pulls away to get a hand at the waistband of your shorts and move out of the way so he can rid you of them and get to what he’s actually been thinking about all day. He throws them over the edge of your bed and crowds you against the headboard again, mouth insistent upon yours as his fingers find your slick. Your thigh jerks when his pointer finger draws a line up your folds, and he just hums into your mouth. His thumb pushes into your clit, demanding, and his middle finger slides easily in. You clench around him, head thrown back into the pillow, and your eyes squeeze shut. 

“Fucking wet,” he grits out through his teeth, digging his face into your neck. Your skin ripples with goosebumps at his hot breath on your throat, and he slides another finger in. 

You’re so warm, so tight, so wet around him— it makes his heart smash into the cage of his ribs. It’s just like high school. You, sweet and perfect for him, and him, brooding and in the palm of your hand. He tried to not let you know that too much, though. Can’t let people around him know that he cares. 

“So perfect.” His teeth nip the soft skin on your neck, and you grab a hand at his forearm, guiding him faster. He accedes, knowing what you want, and slips another finger in. You tingle and curve up into him, unused to the stretch, and the breath is stolen right from your throat. 

His thumb slides off of your clit when you push it away. Your fingers replace his thumb, and he just tries to breathe. You know every fucking avenue to getting him to cum in his pants, and he’s really trying to avoid that outcome. 

Your noises become higher in your throat, whinier, and he feels you start to pulse around him. His fingers push even deeper, going the perfect speed, and then you’re shaking and trying to both get away from and get closer to his hand. 

He grabs at your hip and keeps you in one place, hand continuing, and you grab at him frantically. 

“Too much, Rafe,” you cry, neck cramping at the angle you’d stretched it to for the longest time, but he continues on. Your blood is pumping so fast, so hard in your body, and the rush of orgasm fades into numb pleasure that makes you pulse around him. 

“Come on, baby, I know you can.”

Your mind calls memories to the surface— memories of him pushing you past your limit, making you scream, cry. You loved it, and he only continued when you were nodding and shaking for him. Any inkling that you weren’t into it he was off of you. He was no stranger to felonies, such as drug distribution or grand theft auto, but he didn’t dare do anything that was a question of consent. Off the table. 

“Your fingers are so—so big.” You ramble on, talking of good things only like the size of him and how he feels and tastes and smells, and his hips twitch where they're pressed to you. Fuck. 

“So close, Y/N,” he pants into your ear, hips rolling steadily into your thigh and pelvis, and you feel his dick jump against you. “You’re so close.”

Your torso shakes with the effort and tension in your muscles, and he bites into your pillow. 

“I fucking—,” you start, but you fling your head back into the pillow before you can finish. He really wishes he knew what you were going to say. “Yes, yes, yes—fuck!” You chant, and your hips twitch where they meet his hammering hand as you cum onto his fingers. He continues on for a little bit, loving the feel of you, but pulls his fingers out. They immediately push into his mouth and you take the moment to pull yourself together. 

Sweat sticks the sheets to your back, beading at your forehead too, and you’re sure your face is flushed red. The room is undeniably hot, filled with the hot breath and energy palpable in the air. You’re sure it smells like sex, too. 

Rafe catches your jaw in his hand and tilts you up for a kiss, lips hot and smooth against yours. As he settles into you again, your hand finds the crotch of his pants. He breaks away immediately, cursing and looking down at your fingers. 

“Touch it,” you breathe, eyes locked on his. His wide, clear, blue eyes. “For me.”

Rafe’s large fingers push yours away and dig into his underwear, and his eyes close when his palm circles the tip of him. You look up at him, hands coming to your chest, and you cup your breasts. His eyes follow your fingers as they pinch your nipples. You back arches, and his hand around his dick pumps faster. 

“You’re so good for me,” you say, as breathless as you can manage without sounding like a corny phone-sex operator, and his head cants back at your voice. 

“Shit,” he gasps, mouth hanging open when he looks down. “O-Only you.” It’s more to himself, but your chest swells. 

“Yeah?” You ask, and sit up. Your hands find his waist and his torso, and you lean up so his mouth is inches from yours. “Not your girlfriend?”

“Fuck,” he exhales, cheeks pink, and his eyes close when you trace his chest with a finger. “No. Not her. Never.”

You just hum, pleased, and curl a hand around his own to slow his hand. His hips twitch, fucking himself between your two hands, and his mouth opens in a “fuck” before he’s cumming right into your bare chest.

“Christ, Y/N,” he says, panting, and covers the upper half of his face with his forearm. His knees ache. 

You rise clumsily from the bed and stumble into your bathroom, returning with the hand towel. You wipe at your chest and throw it back into the bathroom, careless. 

“Are you staying?” You ask, nearing him, and lean one knee on the bed. He curls an arm around your waist and tugs you closer in the darkness, lips pressed to your temple. 

“I don’t think you could get me to leave your bed right now, sweetheart.” He smells like sweat and the remnants of cologne, and you breathe him in.

“I’m counting on it,” you whisper, and kiss him square on the mouth.

[arty-cakes]

being both a bretta and zote fan is so so painful actually ppl will always find some way to make sure they never interact again or use the latter to (seriously) demonize zote for stuff he never did while also mischaracterising bretta and i 💥👊💥🥊👊🤜🤛💥🤜👊🤜💥🤜💥🥊 🤜👊👊👊🤜💥 im not good at putting into words why this is frustrating

either make them divorced mortal enemies or reluctant friends who actually enjoy eachother's company either of those are funnier but why make up stuff that didnt happen and then pretend its canon and the reason why they should never talk again..... thats so boring

i was gonna leave this in the tags but no i wanna talk

i know im complaining here but its honestly not an issue i see a-lot like i do see them being enemies or friends in fancontent and to the ppl who do that ily very much. its always cool. and people like my dynamic too and when they let me know it makes me rlly happy lol

but i feel like people need to understand that not every situation is good or bad sometimes they are just. situations. like bretta and zote

and i still feel like there's this general misunderstanding about zote that needs to be cleared up which is that he's not actually.... a liar lol. or i mean the only person he lies to is himself and he's not pretending to be a knight he really BELIEVES he's a knight. don quixote coded like he rlly believes he killed the vengefly king and won the colosseum tournament and whatever. all confirmed by his dreamnail dialogue like it makes it REALLY CLEAR that he believes what hes saying. he's actually having delusions thats why most people in hollow knight choose to help him out its why he cant process life threatening situations. he's still annoying just because of his general personality but NOT because of his delusions. (i'd say something profound about how usefulness ties to worth in most people's subconscious and its rooted in ableism and its why zote hate is so loud and normalized but i dont know how to) basically he is not out here 'manipulating' anyone wtf

bretta's delusional too btw the game literally calls her out (gpz godhome description i think). personally i like that canon decided these two should meet and the result was this awfully tough dreamgod that u can fight 10x that's hilarious to me. if a fan made this up and it never happened in canon i would be like 'holy shit this should be a dlc this WOULD happen' because these two are just like that

also people seriously forget that bretta didnt just leave because of zote she left because of ghost too. girl just had enough of short knights ok she was done with both of them if you bring her back to town she's not suddenly gonna realize ghost is heroic and cool and be apologetic and want them back and zote's mad and jealous. <- this out here is mischaracterising ALL 3 of them its so juvenile what.... and i just dont think she'd care that much about either of them, a lot like how zote barely gives a shit about the infection or never realizes she left, they both have tunnel vision these two are the same do you see it

also tell me he was lying when he called ghost a beast because they are thats all they've been striving for this is a compliment to them i know it

this isnt reallyyy a rant. its a personal grievance because i like them both so i care about their portrayal and interactions and i like it when they aren't lonely. but also they're really light-hearted characters so why not just treat them like that....they go through shit and then they move on easily and go through it all over again. its been 7 years can we cut them a break. i dont wanna see anymore mischaracterising unless its really funny

[davosmymaster]

The Saddest Part of Me

TAGS AND WARNINGS - +18, Minors DNI, no smut (yet) but mentions of sex/sexual themes, hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, mention of past abusive/violent relationship, canon-typical violence, breaking-up, Jake is the fist of Khonshu, Marc and Steven don’t have the suit anymore, post-MoonKnight, my non-native English is a warning itself, no beta

PAIRINGS - Jake Lockley x fem!reader ; Marc Spector x fem!reader ; Steven Grant x fem!reader

WORD COUNT - 4.6k

SUMMARY - Tired of Jake’s missions turning deadly, Steven and Marc ask you for help. It backfires.

A/N - This started as first person pov, dont know exactly why but i liked it and went with it. Then it changed after one of the pauses and I was too tired to change it (also i like it as it is) so I didn’t. Don’t read if you are easily triggered. Credits to whoever made the gif. Part two will be up when it’s up.

THE SADDEST PART OF ME

 Toni Morrison once wrote that "love is never any better than the lover". And as if that wasn't a horrible enough claim on its own, she followed with "wicked people love wickedly, violent people love violently, weak people love weakly, stupid people love stupidly."

 I found myself called to those lines and, trapped by the words of a book that had me crying for most of it, I discovered I was more moved by that sentence than I had been for the rest of the novel. Trapped as I was, my mind rushed to find meaning beyond the words. I remembered past flings and failed relationships, abusive exes, and even friendships that hadn't worked. Finally, at last, my eye caught the shape of one of my boyfriends watching a cricket game on tv; as if I hadn't been aware that he was there, as if it was the first time I saw him. Truly, saw him.

 Steven noticed, of course he did. He was always hyperaware of his surroundings and, unlike Marc, he didn't know how to be subtle about it. He leaned back on the sofa, almost melting against it, and looked in my direction with the most relaxed expression he had in weeks. There was one cute smile on his lips; eyes gleaming with comfort after a long week of work. He was finally spending time with his girlfriend, and the time felt valuable for both of us even if each was doing our own thing.

 He must have seen something on my face, something buried and hurt perhaps, something I'm still not very sure of what it was; but something regardless, because his eyes switched off their glow as if someone had thrown a handful of sand over them. His smile trembled slightly, without him ever finding out, as if his body was understanding something he was not. A presage.

 "You feeling alright, love?" he asked.

 Even though I heard him loud and clear, felt his worry as my own in the way he looked at me; my brain did not seem to register. My mind was long gone, far away from there. I was looking at Steven but I had no problem with him. I was looking at his body. No, I was not, either. I was looking at the shell that contained the three men I was in love with. And I just happened to be looking at Steven because he was there —the wrong place at the wrong time— but who I was really looking for in those eyes, the person that deserved to be there at that moment, it wasn't Steven. It wasn't Marc, either.

 It was Jake.

 We'd just had the most terrible month in our relationship. Even though I'd like to say it only concerned Jake and I, it truly did not. Marc and Steven had their role in the problem too, even if it was well-intentioned in the end. Our argument seemed to be over, at least for now. But neither of us had apologized nor had we found a peaceful way out of our trouble.

 No. Not at all.

 It was over because we had both decided we loved each other more than the problem hurt us. Now we were ignoring both the problem still unresolved and the gap his lies had created between us.

 Yes, Jake had lied to me. Repeteadly and over a long period of time. Problem was he didn't regret it at all. My mind had been trying not to think more about the matter, ignoring it, living happily in naivety. In my coping mechanism I was blind to the elephant in the room: Jake didn't regret his actions at all. He didn't regret killing those people and he sure as hell didn't regret lying to me about it.

 That meant only one thing: he would kill again. That is, if he hadn't already.

 As if he could read my mind Steven's frown deepened. He got closer, his hand closing the space that separated us. His thumb very slowly touched my cheek. It was so slow, so gentle, as if he was frightened himself of my stupor. Or even scared of me.

 The slowness did not restrain my soul from shooting back into my body. The jump it caused could only be described as the sensation of falling from an imaginary abyss just as you are about to fall asleep.

 It was right then when I realized Jake wasn't hidden there, in those eyes. It was just Steven. Only sweet and sincere Steven.

 "You alright?" he asked, a worried chuckle dancing on his lips. "I lost you for a moment there, uh. In the land of the dreaming?"

 I smiled, even if I couldn't quite remember how.

 "Yeah, yeah... Sorry I scared you," I said, but still took his hands and put them away from me. All I could think about was those hands unfortunately being a part of Jake. Those pretty hands that belonged to Steven and Marc too, but which had been smeared with thick blood clotting around the nails. All I could see was them holding the gun Jake had been so reluctant to throw away, the small pocket knife he always wore as a key chain.

 "Can I ask you something..." I said then, my words so fast my mind had barely registered them, my tone so devoid of life it sounded as if I was going to ask him to kill me. Maybe I was. "...Steven?"

 I pronounced his name trying to breathe a bit of life into the sentence, but I could already tell by the way his breathing was caught in his lungs that he did not believe my facade for one split second.

 He took my hand in his, the heat warming them but freezing my body at the same time. Those hands...

 "Of course! Of course you can. Bloody hell, why do you even ask it like that?"

 I smiled and, with my thumb, I massaged the deep frown between his eyebrows. He relaxed the muscles there, suddenly aware of his expression.

 Half of me did it for him, because I was starting to feel guilty for worrying him. Half of me did it because my hands felt trapped under his.

 Steven relaxed, smiling once again. Partially relieved.

 "Are Marc or Jake listening?"

 Steven seemed confused at the question at first. He fixed his eyes on my own, but at the same time very far away from there. Then he looked around: at the tv, at any nearby mirrors, even his mug and the tea in it.

 "No, they aren't," he said. "But I can look for them, wake them up, if you want me to."

 "No, no. I just wanted to talk to you for a second."

 Steven tilted his head to one side slightly, confused.

 "Oh, oh. Sure, love."

 That's when my turn of taking his hands in mine came. It was the only way in which I could feel safe in both my question and his answer, in the truth of them, actually. I had never once before questioned Steven. I had blind faith in him, I always had. But as I said, what should have stayed as a Jake and me problem, had somehow tainted Steven and Marc too. Up until this point I had firmly believed I distinguished every single one of them from the others, and treated them accordingly; but now my body was showing me that, in fact, a part of me saw all of them as the same man.

 "If Jake hurt anyone again, you would tell me right away. Right?"

 His eyes shot open. From where I was seating in front of him I could almost hear his heartbeats.

 "Of course! Of course I would. Marc would too. We did it before, right?"

 "Eventually, yeah. After hiding it for months," the tinge of disgust in my voice did not go unnoticed.

 His hands were now trembling.

 "We didn't know what to do! At first we didn't even notice it was something that would affect us. Then I told them. And neither of them listened. We did tell you about Khonshu and we thought it was... implied. But Jake never wanted to kill...!"

 "Okay, okay. Steven. Steven look at me," I said, as he kept talking and talking in a panicked state. "Look at me, okay? You said sorry. Marc, you and I talked about this. It's okay. You said sorry. You're forgiven."

 He stopped talking, pressed his cheek against my hand when I tried to comfort him. He nodded as if trying to absorb my words. But his pupils still jumped slightly, here and there. Restless, unsafe.

 "I would tell you," he finally said with a tiny voice. His eyes welled with tears. "I promise. I promise I would. Please don't go."

 He made me cry too. Almost jumping over him, I hugged him, pretty much estranged him with my arms. I clung to the sweater he was wearing as if holding on for dear life. Steven followed with no less force. He crushed me against his chest, breathing hard into my hair, silently crying. With hands wide open over my whole back, it felt as if he was both trying to memorize the feeling of me in his arms and, holding me in place so I wouldn't abandon him.

 "Why do I feel like you're gonna leave?" he whispered.

 Steven had very little power of the matter, and that fact terrified him beyond reason. He couldn't stop Jake from killing again. He couldn't bear the thought of seeing your disgusted, disappointed, crying face again. But if there was something he could not even think about, that was you breaking up with them, leaving them, hating them. He could not conceive the world without you being the first thing he saw in the morning. He could not go back to be and feel as lonely as he did before. He couldn't.

 Being in this impossible situation, anxiety rising up to the clouds, the only comforting thought he could get was that, if he behaved, if he was good, despite what Jake could do, if he was good and behaved like you wanted him to, then you wouldn't abandon him. You might abandon Jake for being a murderer, but if he proved himself... then you wouldnt —couldn't— leave him.

 In his mind, he is ten years old and doing the dishes at two in the morning so mom will kiss him goodnight.

 Stupid people love stupidly

 Regaining someone's trust is not an easy task, everyone says that, but no one talks about how complicated it is to regain intimacy with the other person.

 It's not about sexual intimacy. That's easy, perhaps too easy. And Jake makes it even easier; he knows what buttons to push, where and when to touch you so you're left wanting more, pursuing him yourself against your own judgement. It's the other intimacy that is difficult to get back, the type in which you start talking about life and don't finish until dawn. It's about the cuddles, the feeling of being comfortable around each other, planning stuff to do together because you don't want to —not even think about— doing it with anyone else. Before Marc and Steven told you what Jake had done, asking you to help him stop, it wasn't uncommon for you and Jake to dance around the kitchen while cooking; both slow and quick Latin songs playing through the speakers. He loved to dance bachata, you loved to see him happy.

 Now your home is silent, the closeness complicated. The kitchen doesn't smell like spices anymore, and even the flat seems to have become darker. Maybe London has become darker, maybe the entire world has shunned the sun.

 Jake promises one day that he will never do it again. He waits for you to be in bed and slides under the covers. For a long time, he says nothing; he's still hesitating. Jake isn't sure he can keep this promise he is about to make. After all, he doesn't kill people because he likes it; he does it because they are necessary.

 Eventually, when he feels your breathing evening out, he knows if he doesn't do it you will never trust him again. And so he does it; unsure and scared, but is anyone ever not unsure and scared? he asks himself.

 You hug him tight then. It's the closest he's felt to you in a month. He's missed you more than he dares to admit. So he buries his hands in you, in your hair, your back, your shoulders, the back of your thighs. He doesn't want to let go. All he wants is for time to stop. If he could choose where to live for the rest of his life, he would live in the exact spot between your jaw and neck that his nose is caressing just now. He would die there, too.

 You're the only good thing in his life. Everyone knows that.

 Suddenly a month has passed, a more than reasonable amount of time for you to start letting your guard down. Jake has been so patient and careful that you start to feel like a fool for creating this awkward space between the two of you; although the truth is, it's not your fault.

 There are only fifteen days to your anniversary, or at least the start of it, as each of the boys takes an entire day to celebrate it with you. That makes your anniversary a weekend-long thing. With your anniversary so close, you feel an overwhelming sensation of hopelessness. And in the midst of your nostalgia for what you were, and loathing what you've become, you ask Jake to forget anything ever happened. He complies.

 The following is your day off, but Jake has work in the evening. Still, that doesn't stop him from scheduling a date. He takes you out for brunch to the most beautiful restaurant you've ever seen. You are seated on the inner patio. There is a fountain there, and the decoration is Bukowski books on small shelves and flowering vines on the walls.

 You sit on a pallet drilled into the wall. It has beautiful rainbow-coloured cushions to sit on. Jake takes the chair in front of you, but he's too far away for your liking. Instead, you take his arm and ask him to sit a bit closer. Jake takes the seat next to you, not even his flat cap concealing the happiness glowing in his eyes. As he sits down, as if by a reflex, he puts one of his hands on your thigh. He caresses your knee for a few seconds before taking the menu and placing it in front of you to decide what you both will be having, together.

 Two hours later both of you are taking a walk in Hyde Park. It's January, but the sun is shining over your heads anyway. Jake has never been one to be affectionate in public, but now he has his arm around your shoulders as you walk. Your face hurts from laughing and smiling. This is exactly what you missed, just what you needed. It all gets worse when, just before you leave, a squirrel chases Jake across the parking lot.

 Jake drives you home, he drives slowly through London because he doesn't want to let you go. He doesn't want today to end. He stops the car at the beginning of the street because there's a street market today and he can't get through. He stops the car there, double-parked because it is impossible to park anywhere else in the city. He gets out of his limousine at the same time you do. With a quick, determined step he circles the limousine, and you wonder what the hell he's doing. Then, he takes your face in his hands and kisses you. His lips brush yours, it's barely a caress until it's not. All you feel is him, his love, his warmth, the fabric of his driving gloves on your cheeks.

 "Thank you," he whispers.

 It feels like an I love you, so you take it that way.

 Unfortunately, the honeymoon phase lasted just one more day.

 He had no other choice, he wouldn't have ever risked another fight with you if he had the option not to. In fact, it was an accident. The fault wasn't entirely his. Yet Jake was so scared that you could see what he had done in his eyes, through his soul, that he drove to the other end of London and fell asleep in the back of the limo, on the plain floor.

 Steven had panicked so much that his consciousness disconnected. He was nowhere to be found. Marc, on the other hand, was going through all five stages of grief. He had gone from calling him every single insult in the English language to denying that Jake had done anything. By the time Jake decided to get back home, Marc was in full depression stage. Thinking of the worst.

 Even if he wanted to shut down the way his alters were doing, he couldn't. Jake cared for the others to an obsessive extent. All his life, he had taken the hard punches. He had killed so the others wouldn't have to, he had taken his mother's beatings with not a single tear shed, he took insults and humilliations; he took Elias' calls begging Marc to come back home when he ran away, he took the hardest parts of military training and most life-or-death situations that followed.

 He took Khonshu. He was still taking Khonshu.

 Marc and Steven had enough of the god, but someone had to do the work anyways. After all, the pigeon had only freed the other two. And if Moon Knight and Mr Knight wouldn't fight, then Jake Lockley would have to do. Someone had to protect the travellers of the night, that's what Khonshu had said when Jake asked him to free him as well.

 He was still debating what to do, whether to keep it from you or not, when Steven made the decision for him.

 "Jake," he spoke, appearing out of nowhere. "If you don't tell her yourself, I will."

 He grabbed the steering wheel tight. He saw red for a split second, then focused on the road ahead.

 "What?" he almost barked.

 "You heard me."

 "Si será hijueputa- Who do you think you are?"

 Steven said nothing else despite Jake's attempts to provoke him. His silence only made him even more nervous. He insulted him for twenty minutes, called him things he didn't really mean, until eventually, he stopped.

 "Okay, Steven, have it your way," he said. "Just give me some time to think how."

 "You have an hour."

 The image Jake formed on his mind was nowhere close to the moments following his confession. Yet it was somehow even worse. The smile from your face vanished quickly into a thin line, your eye became dull, absorbed by something far away from there. Whatever you were thinking, whatever images were playing inside your brain, he just hoped it wasn't him covered in blood.

 Your sight was lost somewhere on the small dots that covered the kitchen table, round wounds in the wood like gunshots. Your index flew to one of them, rubbing your fingertips against it for a few seconds, then giving up and lifting your head to look at him again. Crossing your arms over your chest as if you were cold.

 "What do you expect me to do now?" you asked. If death had a voice, Jake was certain it would sound like yours. "You promis-."

 "I know," he said. He inhaled oxygen, but seemed to exhale despair. He moved quickly from where he was standing at the other end of the table. With a squeak he took the chair right next to you and sat down. "I don't expect you to forgive me, but I had to-"

 "You had to." you spat. "Was someone pointing a gun to your head?"

 "Actually, yeah..." he responded, lips pressed as not to laugh. He forgot to mention he was also caught by the throat, until the other guy pulled the trigger and Jake moved his attacker's head in the trajectory of the bullet. "But I don't think that changes anything, does it?"

 He saw what he thought was doubt in your eyes. Although he could have easily have mistaken it for the misery drowning your pupils. Deep down —perhaps not so deep— Jake couldn't understand why you cared so much for these people. Sure, he didn't like to have other people's blood on his hands, but at the end of the day many of them deserved to be dead. Jake wasn't getting why there was so much fuss about the matter. All he cared about was you, though. And if you cared, that made the matter grow in importance. He didn't care about hurting his enemies the same way he didn't care if he found a wallet on the street and didn't return it; sure, it wasn't ideal, but it was their loss, not his.

 He took your hand the same way you had once done with Steven. He tried to comfort you somehow. Jake wasn't good with words. In fact, he didn't think he were any good with anything except his job, his work for Khonshu, and fucking your brains out. He had never had the need to protec anyone who didn't already live in his body; but he cared about you too much, and didn't want you to suffer.

 Then, you took your eyes out of his fingers warming your cold ones. With the same expression and voice but dry eyes, you spoke

 "I think we need to break up."

 Jake blinked a few times, nodded, too; but his mind had not caught up on the words. He looked at your eyes again, confused by your pitied expression.

 Then he chuckled, lips tightly closed.

 "What?"

 "I said..." a shaky breath came out of your mouth. "I said I... we need to break up."

 Jake felt his chest and throat close up, the bile still rising to his mouth somehow. He coughed once, when he felt the acid burning its path, then rose up from the chair, swallowed. When he got to the window, he realized he was shaking. A hand tugged from the roots of his hair.

 "¿Qué dijiste?" he asked, turning around to look at you. He looked at his reflexion in a mirror right next to his face, found his own face, not a trace of the others, but asked them anyway. "¿Qué dijo la pendejita esta?"

 Rage was quickly starting to burn up in his veins. Slowly, as not to scare him further, you walked closer.

 "I'm sorry, Jake," you told him, now your own eyes welling with tears. His arms wanted to take you, hold you, tell you everything is going to be fine; but you were only crying because you were hurting him. And you know it. And you know it. And he hates it.

 "Don't fucking-" he said, although he doesn't even know where the sentence is going. His body was not reacting to his command, not even breathing properly. He doesn't understand why his mouth tastes bitter, or why you're trying to hurt him saying that.

 He touched his face because there was something there bothering him. Dust, maybe a particle of something, an eyelash stuck in his eye, whatever. But when he touches it, his finger are wet.

 Oh, a tear.

 Before your body could make contact with his he held both your arms to stop you, his fingers curled around your forearms, your eyes filled with tears only half shed.

 "You can't," he said, then chuckled again like a madman. "You could never."

 He was so sure, too sure, there was not an ounce of doubt in his mind. He seemed so certain that his back straightened, his breathing evened out. He seemed calmed and it confused you. Were you driving him mad?

 "You can't," he repeated, halfway to a chuckle again. "You could never break up with the others, you love them way too much."

 His claim broke your own heart. The only reason Jake had for believing you would stay with him through thick and thin, was because he believed you wanted the others too much. The pieces of your heart crashed, splinters flew away, you could no longer feel it beating. You ached for him, but that didn't change anything.

 "Jake I'm not breaking up with the others," you said, and regretted there was not a kinder way of doing it. "I'm breaking up with you."

 He thought he heard a relieved breath then, and he lost it, completely lost it. It could have been the air coming in through the partially opened window, it could have been the tv still on, or even the kettle still complaining as the water cooled off. But he lost it all the same, not even knowing if the sound had come from Steven and Marc in the headspace or something entirely different. He took the mirror next to him and punched it, hard. The splinters covered his knuckles, blood rushed through the wounds to the to the rhythm of his heart.

 Violent people love violently.

 "Putos cabrones," he insulted them, but his tone was softer that he meant, breathy even.

 "Jake, baby... don't."

 He let you touch him this time. You kept still crying and he hated it. As his concern for you grew, so did his hatred. Your cold hands held both his cheeks, your lips pressed against his forehead just once. The blood staining his white shirt, his whole uniform. He had never gotten it ripped or even stained in a fight, and he was partially embarrassed that the first time he got it stained was because of his own blood, his own wounds.

 You kept saying things, words that he supposed should sound comforting. But he was not listening, not at all.

 "Why are you doing this to me?" he whispered, then his knees gave up under him. "I trusted you. I trusted you."

 "I can't." you told him, begging him to understand. "I had a relationship before, one where he would tell me he was going to change, promise me, and then go back to treating me the same, and I forgave him. And he would do the same thing to me again. And I forgave him. I can't go through that again, baby. Not again. Not with you."

 Jake wanted to scream. He wanted to ask you why you could be patient with others but had not the same patience for him. But he didn't. He stayed silent. He knew such a question would hurt you. Countless times had he hold you while you cried for your past, for how others had mistreated you. The thought that he had done the same was burying him alive. He wanted to melt, pass through the wooden planks on the floor, fall until he reached the barren land, then be swallowed by dirt itself; become nothing.

 He wiped the tears from his face, leaving a bloody trail wherever his fingers touched. You blinked in front of him a few times, shaky lips he wanted to kiss saying goodbye gave him, instead, a bit of hope.

 "Violence is easy, Jake, it's the easy path," you told him. "I can't- I won't be with another violent man. If you show me you can change, I promise you'll have me forever."

 He nodded. He had a mission now.

Tags:

@later-gators12

@bensolosbluesaber

@winter-captain-01

@dark-haired-and-mentally-ill

@mirrorballgarden

@zem0laufeys0n 

@murdickdocked

@ruhro7

@hb8301

@loonymagizoologist

@stuckybarton

@mendes-marvel

@spectrz

@loveofmoonandthunder

@azriel-the-shadowsinger

@devilish-mirage

@certifiedhunter

@excitedcurtain864

@AHookedHerosPureHeart

@that-friend-in-the-corner

@sleepyamaya

@rosigirasoll

@hot-mess-express1

@sugarpunch-princess

@knopewyattworld

@stuckyslov

@pri00r

@gabewerk

@lovingblueheart99

@Snowinseptember

@queenofnigthdarkness

@aleeb

@lilith-blackrose

[jar-of-maise]

what's up my dears or dearly detested, it's hc time

we're going to focus on love languages with my fav sibling trio today bc i said so

LYNEY:

words of affirmation, physical touch

he has to be a words of affirmation guy fs

but tbh i feel like he'd also try to shy away from it? esp if he's serious (is that possible? well we'll never know) since he has lied...before...and we all know how well detail omission went

so probably acts of service, making you smile, uhhhhhh yeahhhh

probably fond of pet names

will be touchy

i can see him doing pda, not excessively but hes not against it

probably likes hugs? but like the more i think about it the more im not sure about him with physical touch (see Lynette's for more detail) but i think he'd be a cuddle bug

why's this the shortest

oh lyney my poor sweet dear

he gets tired of life, so you're a welcome escape

would lie on your lap

will hold hands with you

would dream of a happy future with you

dude roasts his little brother about still liking fairy tales and pulls this bs smh

honestly as insecure as freminet - just shows it differently

i think all three siblings are traumatised (who could've guessed?)

i feel like he'd pull some very obnoxious french jokes

he likes making you laugh, smile, happy

he's not sunshine he's a solar eclipse

and you my dear, are the stars that surround his entirety

like a planet orbiting him ceaselessly

i dont actually know what that means but apparently it's an actual thing

oh the inherent romanticism of celestial imagery

yeah that's also my tag what about it

i think, though, that lyney can use his charms to very aptly flirt with you

why?

exhibit A: the rainbow rose (real simps know what i'm talking about)

gets lynette to vibe check you, and then her cats, and then freminet (pers honorary judge)

performs exclusive magic shows for you

uh you can let immagination decide what kind of exclusive and magic you want in those

LYNETTE

acts of service, quality time

acts of service girlie fs

she's creepily observant in a good way but like, she also probably accidentally nearly oversteps some boundaries

"Hello Lynette!"

"Hi here's some things for you"

and she hands you a crap ton of stuff that you probably didn't even know you wanted yet

girl just wants the best for you

oh yeah if you're a physical touch person, you might not be overly pleased bc i headcanon her as physically repulsed by romantic gestures and gooey affection (fanfic writers, that's fuel for how she'd react to lyney being in a relationship)

and the reason i hc this is bc of her past, like you can't convince me lynette wasn't traumatised by that noble person

but while she isn't expressive with touch or words, she is a very good listener!

gl if you're allergic to cats too bc she'd def introduce you to them

(if you pass their vibe check you're all good, if not...uh...)

family is very important too so if you pass their vibe check well put that on a resume bc you are impressive

yes she's a gift giver

but i also think that she'd give you some...strange gifts

like you know those cats that bring like dead fish and mice back to their owners? yeah she'd probably do the same honestly...

hopefully not with mice corpses and whatnot

dont worry, she can magic them out of existence if you wish

just like she can to anyone who wrongs you-

shes the best though honestly, very supportive

bonus points if you join in and riff off her robot lingo though that'd honestly be green flag, marriage behaviour (maybe not that last bit but yk)

you probably encourage lyney to deep dive into his antics, much to lynette's fustration

she now babysits not one, two but three toddlers full time

but you probably also bring freminet out of his shell

she loves you for that so you're forgiven

the type to relentlessly tickle you

doesnt take anything serious but takes pillow fights seriously when it counts

she loves dessert and tea a bit more than you

sorry

but she's happy to share <3

FREMINET

quality time, gift giving

oh my god words cannot describe how excited i am for this particular hc

so yeah, he has a voiceline about making penguins for kids

PEOPLE HED MAKE YOU LITTLE PENGUINS

totally gonna make your penguin twin with Pers tho

god thats so cute whys the standard so high

also he's another not-expressive-with-words person so uh, yeah expect muchas time spent together (or not...bc he's always deep sea diving) either way! it's always quality

he is (very obviously) insecure so give him plently of love and affection (or ELSE-)

im still crying over matching penguins, is that juts me

he'd fix your broken machines for you as a love language

bonus points if you like, can, or want to learn how diving tho it's probably a double edged sword right, bc like, on one hand yall can hang out underwater and who needs aquarium dates when you can BE in the sea

but on the other hand, you now have access to his vulnerable and safe space

yeah you better treat him right or else

he'd probably get carried away with his mechanical stuff and make you a crap ton of toys

maybe not the cuddly kind either so js be prepared for that

god hes such a bean tho

an anxiety bean

btw, he very much believes in fairy tales and what not, so do us all a favour and believe in the magic with him

OR ELSE

ik i say that a lot

i feel like-

i dont actually know i forgot, someone messaged me and i lost my train of thought

ANYWAYS

just freminet being the softest, cutest boy

[supanuts]

One last thing and then I'll never darken your doorway/ask box again, but I just need to get all this pent-up Way-related madness out of my system so I can put it all behind me and move on!

Inspired by your tags on the post compiling the mind control moments, I thought how this is a great example of confirmation bias and it's really fascinating how differently we interpret things depending on our predisposition to view someone/something a certain way: those ppl who view Way primarily as a manipulative, creepy, irredeemable antagonist (each to their own!) see him using his power on Babe in ep 9 when they're hugging as the sick cherry on top of a moulding cake - it's Babe's most vulnerable moment and Way can't help himself, he's at it yet again, the utter bastard.

Whereas in that same moment what I see - someone who views him primarily as a deeply fucked up, morally confused, painfully tragic disaster - is a man watching the person he loves most in the world (regardless of how we judge his feelings, that's certainly what Way believes) completely break down, sob in his arms, and feel utterly helpless in the face of that pain - unable to comfort him, to make it better, to make Babe stop hurting. He looks positively panicked. And that's partly because of his own lies and secrets and the general complications of their situation, but it's also because he's a trainwreck himself - he doesn't have the psychological toolkit necessary to provide Babe with the solace he needs. So he falls back on the only thing Tony's conditioned him to think he's good for - he feels powerless so he uses his power. It's all he has. It's all he can do. It's such a childlike reaction, it breaks my heart - often when a child encounters someone in distress, that's their exact reaction: stop crying! Don't be sad! They're bewildered, they're hurting now too, and they don't know what to do, they just know they don't like it, so they simply order you to feel better. It's coming from the same sort of place, it's just that Way happens to have the ability to make that order a reality! And maybe I'm grasping at straws, but I think it's important that all he actually uses his power to say is, effectively, 'dont cry, you'll always have me', which, as you pointed out, is a perfectly normal sentiment to express to an upset friend! And even then you can see his hesitancy in doing it. If he really was a terrible horrible no-good very bad boy, this would be the moment to take advantage of Babe, physically or emotionally. But he doesn't. Okay, so the bar is super low, but I don't care - I'm still claiming it as a win for Way's potential redemption!

and because it took me so long to reply to the others i actually got a third ask ijbol 

ANON DON’T LEAVE ME, my ask box is open for whenever you need to get all your pent-up way-related or pit babe in general madness out of your system, so feel free.

disclaimer i should have made earlier maybe: i didn’t know nut before pit babe, so i wasn’t influenced by him playing way in any way. don’t let my username fool you; i am a hot wheel omegaverse fan first and foremost and a nut supanut fan second.

i have to say i felt so proud as more eps came out and they kept making more and more obvious what was happening with way… because i clocked it in that first scene at the pool table, on second watch iirc. it took so much effort not to point it out to my friend when i watched the ep with her later that i had to shut up so i wouldn’t say anything lol i love when they do things like that hhh

i’m pretty sure that’s the moment i started paying more attention to way too, because he uses his powers on babe

to tell him something completely normal that anyone would just tell to their friends directly. and, to me, there’s only two ways to read his motives there: either he thinks he needs to use his powers to get through babe’s thick skull because he would not believe it otherwise, or he doesn’t believe in himself enough to think babe, his best friend, would actually listen to him and believe him. (arguably you could say he wants to make sure babe goes to him and no one else, which i don’t think is the case, but i will say it here just to be perfectly clear.) whichever his reasoning actually was it made my sad man alarm go off full blast. i didn’t have an opinion on him yet at that point, only found his reactions to the charlie situation funny, so that was my honest reaction without having any kind of preconceived notion or expectation from the character.

and then, as the story kept progressing, he kept using his powers for similar reasons.

yes he still mind-controlled babe in fucked up ways into believing he wasn’t worthy of love, but now, because he doesn’t already believe that anymore, the idea wouldn’t take. it would hurt babe’s feelings hearing his best friend say that, but it was honestly something he had believed at some point, and again way was trying to protect babe in the most misguided way possible.

and then of course there’s the scene in ep 7 after babe learns about charlie being another of tony’s children and i don’t know if you’ve watched it again after way’s reveal, but you can see his thoughts and feelings so clearly in his face. he’s feeling helpless in so many ways and he wants his friend to stop hurting so he knows the only think he knows that works and it’s so fucked up, because it doesn’t really do anything. he only gets babe to stop crying, which doesn’t make him stop hurting, only makes way stop seeing it, and i don’t think he puts that much thought into it, as you said it’s very clearly a childlike reaction, but it is so telling of way as a character and of his state of mind. not least of all because we’ve seen him comfort babe a lot more with things that are nothing compared to this, but here he doesn’t know what to say or do. so yeah, no notes.

you and me anon, you and me. i do think we’re getting a redemption arc, specially with pete’s whole thing toward way, but i’m cautiously not counting my eggs just yet. 

breaks my heart when people don’t stop to wonder why someone that from what we know has the sole mission of bringing babe back home to tony couldn’t have used his powers to either do just that back then or mind-controlling babe into thinking he was in love with him, and instead has spent the last 10 years next to him every day as his best friend. love by itself is neither good or bad, it simply is. 

[pigeonwit]

hiii what r your favorite javey fics asking for a friend xx

[bursts through the wall like the dreamies cat] did someone say javey

here is the first post i made on this - that list was specifically longer fics, so i'll go with shorter ones for this one :) and remember that i do not understand social interactions and rules and etc etc so i dont wanna tag anyone outright just in case it crosses any boundaries.

mountain ridge camp for boys by @/timetogoslumming - starting strong on a GOD DAMN LIE because this one is not short at all but i love it so very much. it could legit be an original story (i'd read the fuck out of a graphic novel of this) it's so well written, the plot is so well set up, etc etc etc its perfect. it hits all my favourite notes - davey going from an outsider to finding his place and feeling like he belongs, jack being a pining idiot, misunderstandings, realistically confusing teenager feelings, etc, etc. i haven't read it in it's entirety for a while but man it makes me happy. sometimes when i'm in my feels i'll pull up the scene where davey very gently handles a ribbon snake. it makes me happy

as you've always been by @/weisenbachfelded - another stunning lie on my part because this is 43,000 words!! ahh friends to fwb to strangers to lovers my beloved. jack and davey re-meet each other after years of separation on a flight - they learn about each others successes and the feelings they'd misinterpreted throughout their friendship. it's so Yearning, so very soft, and not quite as angsty as you'd think. it really does capture that bittersweetness of re-meeting a person you used to know, but also that lingering hope that oh, you do still know this person. and they still know you. it's just such a kind and gentle reading experience.

i pull the trigger (with my eyes closed) by @/we-are-inevitable (MASSIVE trigger warning for murder and suicide) - look man. i have spoken a lot about davey's patented inability to maintain a work-life balance and well. i'd really be letting the team down if i didn't recommend this fic.

i really love this fic as an incredible answer to the question 'just how far does davey's dedication to his family go?'. because davey as a character would give anything for his family, he's doing everything to keep them afloat, he's stressed, he's terrified, he knows he can never repay them for all they've done for him but he needs to try because what kind of son is he if he doesn't? this fic takes all that and goes beyond with it. davey's ruthless dedication to his family juxtaposed against his almost painful love for jack, and how those two things working against each other destroy him. it's intense. there's really no way for me to do this justice in just words alone so i highly recommend you read it (if you're comfortable!) and experience it yourself.

it's so easy (too easy) to love you by @/livesincerely - everyone and their fucking mother knows livesincerely's fics but i love this one so very very much. jack and davey being so in love it's second nature. it's everything to me. it's the perfect little pick-me-up when you've had a long and lonely day.

we'll climb mountains together by @/reluctantcoppercrowd - my favourite javid fic of all god damn time. the progression is perfect, the yearning is palpable, the character interactions and friendships are absolutely flawless, davey as a character is PERFECT (YES he is an awkward anxious autismo YES he is a badass who will kick your goddamn teeth in in the name of Justice NO he will not recognize that he did it at all nor will he accept praise for it THANK YOU), the conflicts are realistic (not only for the time period but the characters themselves process their thoughts feelings and anxieties in realistic ways), the time and effort put into good worldbuilding is PHENOMENAL, and the conclusion feels not only satisfactory, but EARNED. it is truly my favourite javid fic of all time forever and always. it's also not short at all. i'm sorry for the lies anon but i cant help it if things are just Good.

[chocolatespyro]

Me learning to not give people the benefit of the doubt when they've been given the benefit of the doubt about 50 times already

(III 15 edition. Spoilers under the cut if you still haven't seen it somehow.)

EDIT: Took out the part about them not mentioning her disability since Bot does say that they wouldn't want Cabby to forget iirc, also about them not thinking kids would understand disability since I wasn't happy with those points and I feel they were inaccurate or somewhat off-topic. That's pretty much it though.

The more I think abt it the more I can see how the Bot apology sucks lmaoooo

Dunno if this was a point made on Twitter (I've heard there's been discontent there? I dont have Twitter tho but I'd LOVE to hear more from other Cabby fans abt what's going on there. u can leave comments on this post if u want or u can just rb and do it thru tags.)

Anyways, to my main points: Bot just says they're sorry for... forcing Cabby to get permission to use her files?

What about them lying to Cabby? I don't believe they ever really apologized for that. OR TOLD HER THAT THEY LIED??

Bot also doesn't really apologize for the other main points people were upset for I think?

I don't think bot ever really takes full accountability for judging Cabby either. No one does really. Like... at least an

"I'm sorry. I really screwed up, and so did a lot of the other contestants. We were too harsh and judgmental towards you for no reason, and our insecurities shouldn't have gotten in the way of you being able to remember. This was supposed to be a fun and welcoming environment and vacation... but it became a nightmare for you instead. I know this won't make up for all the damage done, but I hope this file is useful to you."

(maybe reworded some to fit Bot's personality better, but the apology shouldn't have just been this quick one-off moment taken to the side like in canon.)

To kinda add to the above, I also think it would've been nice if Bot fully noticed and acknowledged HOW other people haven't been treating Cabby very kindly too by giving examples of where nobody stood up for her. Lifering was a great supportive person in the episode, but Bot was there for some of the shit that was pulled against Cabby, ESPECIALLY in episode 7. I so wish that that was acknowledged here. And the fact that Test Tube went directly behind Cabby's back to do that. Where does Bot think Test Tube got those files from?

There's also the fact that Test Tube never approaches to apologize for judging Cabby for no reason. Like she just stares at Cabby and Bot hugging for a few seconds after Bot apologizes that's it. And she... doesn't accuse Cabby. That's the barest fucking minimum she could've done.

Also... the "inaccurate depictions" thing wasn't even true outside of Baseball's file... and that was a bunch of contrived bs. Like Suitcase literally had this whole thing where she stood up to Nickel and I guess... Cabby glossed over that somehow??? I can't suspend my disbelief this much sorry all. Idk where the "Manipulated by Balloon" shit came from. Correct me if I'm wrong bcus I haven't seen season 2.

The only reason why it was inaccurate with Bot is because Cabby thought Bot was Bow, something Cabby IMMEDIATELY corrected herself on. Bot coulda just... reminded Cabby that it wasn't her fault because she didn't know Bot and Bow were two different objects and told Cabby to just... start a new file like others said??? So that shit didn't make sense.

The apology just... kinda feels shallow. Cabby didn't do anything wrong here. She's beaten herself up over this shit. It just hurts to watch.

Bot only really apologized for a single thing and we don't get any acknowledgement towards the lying or the mistreatment or Cabby destroying Bow's file as some sort of garbage symbolism attempt.

Bot's apology was kinda supposed to tie everything together and top everything off nicely in a better and at least slightly more satisfying way than whatever the fuck 14 did, but it just... doesn't. It barely acknowledges the issues. They don't really show how seriously they screwed up with Cabby.

I wanna believe that AE has the best intentions here, but they're on very thin ice in my eyes. If they screw up any next steps with Cabby and/or never address Cabby's issues with Test Tube ever again, I think I'm done having any kind of faith in AE. Even Cabby winning wouldn't save it.

Yeah sorry this got really depressing, this situation is just sad

[firsttarotreader]

Hello! I have some questions for Tarot I dont know if you ever answer it.

1.What is his love language for female and male partners ?

2. When he is getting some from someone does he enjoy having sex with that person regularly and plenty ? (lol )

3. How do his exes react when they find out that he is sexually/romantically linked to someone ( Lena for instance )

Hello! So, question number 3 is not so doable because it depends on the ex, how they broke up, who broke up, who they are, it’s too open. If it’s just Lena, then it’s possible, but it can’t be something that’s valid for all of them. Number 2 I have already done something about it, it’s somewhere in the #s*x tag. 😄 In this one, I am answering question number 1. These love language ones are hard as fuck to get from the cards, because the readings are not always that specific, but I gave it a shot this time. Let’s start with the male partners. The first pull was the 7 of Swords reversed, Justice and 8 of Cups.

7 of Swords reversed can represent dishonesty, even if just for white lies, pretending to be something you’re not, faking it. Justice is about being fair, treating the partner fairly, and being tactful, expressing what you feel in a way that’s careful, mindful of the person’s feelings. 8 of Cups is walking away, leaving an unhappy relationship, letting go of something that isn’t working. This makes me think of words of affirmation a lot, but more than that, he might tend to not be truthful all the time in fear of hurting the guy’s feelings. He could even have a hard time walking away and leaving when he’s not interested anymore, but he eventually will because if he’s not happy and he’s pretending to be, he’s gonna start questioning everything, if that is what he wants to do, and he will leave. That is, the people pleaser might try his best, but he can’t keep it up, he could just get annoyed.

The second pull was the King of Wands reversed, The Fool and The Devil. The King of Wands when reversed becomes controlling and dominating. He tends to be bossy and to really believe he’s doing something for the person, helping them, but he’s actually just wanting to do things his way. The Fool is very spontaneous and full of energy, ready for new adventures, but it looks like he’s thinking of his own new adventures after all. The Devil is about obsession, entrapment, selfish pursuit of pleasure and even some toxicity. All of this could point to the physical touch or acts of service, but in this case, it looks like he might struggle to make it about the person and end up making it about himself and about what HE wants.

For the female partners, the first pull was the Queen of Wands, 2 of Coins and Knight of Swords. So, the Queen of Wands could mean he would see her as an independent and confident Queen, passionate about life, and full of fire energy, especially sexual, so the physical touch might be fire. 2 of Coins is about a juggling act, the need to balance two sides, that could be his own needs and desires and her needs and desires, doing what she needs while not forgetting what he needs, OR it could be about the Knight of Swords, who would basically want to be her Knight, do whatever was necessary for her, stand up for her, conquer every challenge and be determined to. This makes me think about the acts of service.

The second pull was the 4 of Coins, 8 of Wands reversed and The Emperor. 4 of Coins means he might get insecure and afraid of losing the partner. He could become a bit clingier and somewhat jealous, and that would lead to the 8 of Wands reversed and him being sloppier and making decisions without thinking much. Those could go right or wrong. In the end, he may find the common ground with The Emperor, which is quite interesting. Yes, he rules his Kingdom, but he knows to reign is also to serve, and he has a tendency to do what he believes is right for the Kingdom and he will use his knowledge and principles to do it. So, once again, more acts of service.

I would guess from these cards it should be words of affirmation and physical touch or acts of service for men and physical touch and acts of service for women, with the men having a more competitive and domineering energy, the usual ego contest.

[sssquiddles]

i dont know how active the red embrace: hollywood fandom is over here (i havent really looked ghfkdsjg) but here: AO3 link

(i appreciate any support over on ao3 but ill post the full chapter here too!)

and the darkness has not overcome it

As the blinding glow of the lights and his cocktail of drugged blood faded, Heath took a step back and failed to realize what he’d done, not until he returned to the hotel...

And set his eyes on the freshly embraced vampire he thought he’d left for dead at the Abattoir.

Rating: Mature

Relationship: Heath/Female Player Character

Tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Canon Divergence, setting appropriate levels of sexual content, named OC, Sire Heath, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Iscari Player

Words: 4.5k

Coella clasped her hands together in front of her chest, a mimic of a prayer as she practically felt the drawing glow of a halo cast rays from behind her head, drawing the gaze of those who would otherwise pay her no mind.

She wasn’t used to garnering attention, much too comfortable hiding herself like a frightened animal in the corners of gatherings like this. She was used to her words carrying on the wind, whispered wisps of thoughts, tapering off as she realized she wasn’t being listened to- not this. 

Not starved, desperate, antsy gazes of those who waited to hear her verdict. 

To them she was the newly embraced, the neutral party- Saorise’s lackey who ran with all of LA’s crowds, had a friend or two in each of the three warring clans—or to some, a saint, sent to settle this years-long dispute between the three LA clans, an angel whose words could reach even the coldest, stillest hearts. 

She didn’t do anything to earn this unwarranted political favor, to end up in the hot seat, she was just… lonely. Lonely and scared and she wanted someone to understand her, to listen to her, to comfort her- instead, she offered her comfort, her own listening ear, her own, apparently, calming presence. 

And now, she stood on a stage in the last neutral ground of LA’s vampire clans, tasked with declaring it under the control of whichever clan she deemed worthy… 

~~~

Her story had started in that very same club, one late night after another bombed audition, she’d sat at the bar, nursing something strong and sweet and trying desperately to cling to the last dredges of her Hollywood dream. 

Why else would she have come to Hollywood, other than to make it- a model, actress, or singer, as some kind of A-list celebrity. 

In the spotlight… 

It was the far off dream of a little girl who hadn’t had a home, and could never feel settled in the one she’d been brought into, no matter how much love she’d been showered with. Nothing could fill the hole in her heart that had formed in the years she’d spent unwanted, unseen, invisible. 

But Los Angeles… the city of angels… it held the key to filling that space in her chest. She just knew it. 

She’d starved herself for this role, stayed up a couple of nights trying to get the lines just right, practicing in the mirror, haunted by the sight of her own reflection, only seeing that lost little girl each time she glanced in her own, dull gray eyes. 

“Damn them,” she murmured, staring sadly down at her drink. Her savings were whittling away, more and more with each failed audition, each photographer that ghosted her after taking her money and pictures- she’d have to move back home soon, at this rate. 

Or worse, call her adoptive father and beg him for some more money. 

He’d give it, of course he would, but he’d ask her how she was doing, ask her if she’s going to visit home soon, and he’d end the call knowing that she was struggling. 

Hell, if she sounded too pitiful, he’d probably drive out there to drag her home himself. 

“Rough night…?” A soft voice called- much too soft to be heard over the pounding music of the Abattoir, but somehow she heard it as clear as if the room were silent, as a man moved to take the empty seat beside her. 

He had a glass of dark, dark red liquid. Red wine, at a bar like this? 

Coella slowly dragged her gray gaze up towards his face, having a hard time discerning his features from the flashing, colorful lights of the club. She caught a few glimpses, though- sad, hazy green eyes, a sharp jawline, reddish lips, a flash of white teeth. 

She felt drawn to him, a moth to a bright, lonely lighthouse. 

“I guess you could say that,” she replied, her own voice too soft to really be heard- but when she looked up to repeat herself, she could see him tilting his head inquisitively, as if prompting her to continue. 

Tucking a strand of whitish blonde hair behind her ear, she continued, “I bombed an audition today... Stumbled over the lines, even though I practiced them like, like I should have known those lines better than I knew how to breathe, but- but I just froze, or something. Third one in the last couple weeks, just…” she let out a troubled sigh, taking another long swig of her drink, blinking as it pushed her over the threshold from sad tipsy, to despairing drunk. “Even when I don’t bomb them, it’s like I’m invisible to those people. Like- like what do I have to do to be seen?!”

Suddenly remembering the pretty stranger she was talking to, Coella’s face flushed, glancing up at him in worry—expecting to see a man who didn’t realize he’d picked a crazy emotional broad to chat up, or something. As her lips parted to apologize, he spoke- 

“I see you.”

Three words, quiet, drifting into her ears like a melody, and the young woman could feel herself melting. She could have cried—it was stupid, but it was like this man was hypnotizing her. 

“Y- You… um, I- I’m sorry,” she’d said, staring up at his ever-changing face, the strobe lights making it entirely impossible to get a good look at him. She’d had more to say, but was finding it hard to remember what it was, as she fell into his eyes. Deep green and sad, hazy like he wasn’t really all the way there, looking down at her. 

The man was silent, fidgeting with the end of a dark colored scarf that hung limply over his shoulders, head tilted as he looked down at her. His gaze was hungry, but soft, conflicted. Like he was debating whether to say or do something else. 

Part of her wanted to scurry away, some feeling of nervousness rising in her throat, despite his soothing presence. Maybe it was because he was a little too perfect, that he’d showed up to listen to what she needed to get off her chest, and say exactly what she needed to hear… 

“I- I’m sorry, I didn’t… um, catch your name…?” Coella finally stammered out, her heart hammering in her ribcage, trying to jump out and run away before she stupidly started to fall for this man she’d just met. 

“It’s… River. And… yours?” The man replied, his voice drifting into her ears once again, as he dragged a finger down his wine glass, keeping his gaze on her face. 

“River…” she repeated, before shaking her head. “Mine’s- um, Coella. Sorry for rambling on before, I’m just- just, a little frustrated. You- I’m sure you know how it is for us newcomers. Starry-eyed and naive, I- I just need a reality check. Drinking isn’t doing much to help me, a- and- um, I’m rambling again…”

A soft laugh fell from his lips next, and Coella swore she saw the white of a sharp fang peek out from behind them- probably just the flashing lights. She was too focused on how nice his laugh sounded to notice the wry quirk of his lips. 

“There’s nothing wrong with holding on to that, innocence. Sometimes it’s better if the curtains never get pulled back,” River replied, shaking his head a little as he took a long drink from his glass. When he set it back down on the bar, it was on the side that she was resting her hand, his fingers brushing against her’s. 

Coella felt the spark before she felt the chill of his skin, focusing only on how her heart raced. He sounded like he knew exactly what lay behind the proverbial curtain, and she was beginning to grow more and more curious- she wanted to know what he knew, see what he’s seen. What more to Hollywood was there? 

Feeling emboldened by the few dirty Shirley's she’s downed, Coella brushed her fingers against his, on purpose, tilting her head to look up at his eyes. “It’s not a bad thing- to lift the curtain. I want to be on the other side, instead of looking in from the outside. I- I want to shine, wouldn’t you?”

River looked taken aback for a moment, before his face settled into something almost sad, though he was smiling at her, that haziness in his green eyes only settling deeper. 

“Do you?”

Coella nodded earnestly—whether or not he really was in the acting scene, like she felt like he was, the connection she felt with him was undeniable. When he took her hand and led her to the back of the club, somewhere secluded, where they’d already passed other couples halfway to copulating, she followed without protest, stumbling a little behind him. 

Though they’d come to a corner where they were no longer under the strobing, colorful lights, Coella found she still couldn’t focus on his face—though she’d barely gotten a chance to try, as his lips pressed to her’s, hot despite how chilled his skin felt against her’s. 

His hand slid down her back, settling in the dip to keep her pressed tight against his chest as their lips hungrily collided. 

The blondish girl felt pinpricks of pain as he bit her lip, before something more euphoric rushed through her. He licked the blood that flowed from his bite, before kissing down to her neck, where he’d nuzzled her pulse point, lapping at her warm, flushed skin. 

“Do you… want to see the stars?” River murmured against her skin, his voice sounding and feeling much more far away than it had at the bar. Like he was seconds from pulling away and leaving her there, high and dry. 

“Yes, yes, please,” Coella pleaded softly, fingers curled in the material of his leather jacket, terrified of losing this opportunity. Whatever it was, a passionate love affair, or something more—a foot in the door.  

He swore softly against her skin, before he sunk his teeth in her neck—much less gently, than anything else he’d done that night, and the shock made Coella sober up in an instant, as she felt her warmth draining into him. 

“W… Wait…” she whispered, her own voice sounding far away, her hands clinging much tighter to the stranger. The initial euphoric feeling was fading into something colder, the longer his mouth stayed latched to her neck, her pounding heart beginning to slow, turning quiet. 

Instead of clinging to him, her hands began to claw at his arms, weakly trying in vain to stop him before he’d drained her completely, her eyelids fluttering as her consciousness waned. 

Was this it? Her last hurrah in Hollywood, being murdered by some psycho vampire fetishist, with no accomplishments under her belt? 

Was this how her unremarkable stint in the city of angels was going to come to an end? Quietly passing away in the back of a booming club, her body to be found by the clean up crew later? Would they just leave her unknown, left in an unmarked grave, her family left to wonder what happened to her? 

As the last dredges of her life faded, warm, coppery blood was smeared across her lips, dripping into her mouth and down her throat. 

Then she felt her body as it was lowered to the ground, footsteps hurrying away.

Left to die. 

~~~

When Coella came to, seconds, minutes, hours later—she could tell something was… wrong. The dim lights of the back hallway were too bright, the booming club music, which had already been too loud for the poor sensory-sensitive girl, was now deafening, and she could very clearly hear the smacking moans of the other couple a little ways down the hallway. 

All of that, but she couldn’t hear her own heart beating any longer, and she felt… cold. Very cold. 

Rising to her feet, her hands trembled as she looked down at them, opening and closing her fingers. The first thing she noticed was her nails- previously cracked and chewed on, were now healed and shiny, as if buffed. She reached up to give her cheek a pat, unsure if this was real life, or if she’d begun dreaming. 

Soft flesh pushed against her fingers, damp with tears. She wiped her face and pulled out a mirror quickly, being greeted by the reflection of two, glowing silver eyes. Pulling the compact back a little to take in the rest of her appearance, she found her skin paler, but smoother, her stress breakout was gone. Her skin practically glowed, as if inlaid with diamonds, and her hair was smooth and shiny, too. 

It… must have just been the alcohol. Or the sex she didn’t quite remember having, if that… happened at all. She shuddered, her stomach turning at the thought of that man taking advantage of her when she passed out. 

She stumbled further down the hallway, and out the back door as her stomach turned really sour, and she threw up the last dredges of her very last meal, completely emptying the contents of her stomach. 

On her knees, she slid a hand up her thigh, checking- with a bit of relief, finding that her panties were still there, untouched. That was… comforting. Still, not knowing for sure made her skin crawl, a very real fear making her feel like her stomach was going to turn again. She felt dirty, and she wanted to go home and take a shower, then call home. 

“Havin’ fun down there?” 

Coella jumped, stumbling to her feet, hands shooting to her sides at the sound of a voice, a nice southern drawl. 

Fearful, like a rabbit caught in the sights of an apex predator, she dragged her eyes up to the source of the voice, finding a pair of light-colored glowing eyes peering at her from behind a pair of sunglasses. It was definitely still night time. 

“How- d-did you see- I mean, I wasn’t- I j-just wanted to make sure-” Coella stumbled over an explanation, hot tears of shame rising up in her eyes as she desperately tried to explain that she was not touching herself like that. 

Thick dark eyebrows raised, along with a pair of gloved hands, as if to say ‘I mean you no harm’. 

“No need to explain yourself, I’m thinkin’ you’ve got quite a few concerns now that you’re a walkin’ dead,” the man drawled, lips curling into something more akin to amusement. “You smell fresh.”

“A- A, what…?” 

“I guess walkin’ dead makes you sound like a zombie, a little too brainless for most of our kind. Apologies, allow me to introduce myself… I’m…” 

At the frightened, trembling gaze of the young woman in front of him, the man seemed to decide against the showy introduction, shaking his head. 

“My… you’re as docile as a lamb. My name is Markus, I’m here to escort you to your new boss… Coella.”

“H- How do you know my name..? A- And what did you mean, walking dead…?” 

As he took a step forward, she took a shaking step backwards, pressing herself against the brick wall of the club, feeling the music vibrating against her back. 

“I make it a point to get to know every fresh face in LA, whether they know me or not. And no, I’m not sayin’ ‘walking dead’ as some cruel nickname before I murder you. I think you’ve had enough close encounters with death for one night, wouldn’t you say?” Markus shook his head, clicking his tongue. “You’re a vampire now, little one. A blood sucker, human predator of the night. Can’t you feel it? Your own… otherworldly glow?” 

“Glow…?”

“Mm, especially bright for you- house of the stars. How fittin’ for a rising star. Former risin’ star, of course, we’ll have to erase your old identity…” 

“House of the stars…?” she couldn’t help but continue to repeat what he’d said back to him, in a daze. 

Suddenly she remembered- a flash, from before she woke up. 

“Do you want to see the stars…?”

That soft, melodic voice, twinged in sadness. 

That man- River, wasn’t some weird murderer who thought he was a vampire, he really had been a vampire. And he’d turned her into one. 

She pressed her fingers to her lips, feeling like she was going to be sick again. 

Markus clicked his tongue, shaking his head. “Really, they should give you a full brief before they force you to take the full dive. Come here, I can tell you all about this new life on our way to the hotel.” 

Coella hesitated, staring into his eyes, her muscles tensed to run, but something in her calmed—or gave up, more likely. She’d already died once that night, what else could really be done to her? 

Shoulders sinking in defeat, she nodded, walking towards the man, catching as his eyebrows raised a little in surprise, before settling. 

“How docile indeed, little one.”

~~~

Heath was coming down from a myriad of drugs as he stumbled into the Hotel, spitefully ignoring the pitious gazes that followed him wherever he went. 

He hadn’t quite overdosed- it wasn’t really possible in that infernal body to do so, but he’d certainly gone overboard, having thrown in a hallucinogen this time around. The Abattoir, with its swirling, colorful lights and deafening music just felt… right. He felt drawn to the heady atmosphere like he never had before, often preferring the quiet ambience of his own bar, or the solitude of his own room, over such a crowded and sweaty place. 

Drawn even further to the bar, towards the mortal, lonely and shining within the crowd. 

He couldn’t remember too much about her appearance, besides the ethereal glow around her, a halo offset behind her wispy white hair, and the fluttering of white wings on her back- that had to have been the hallucinogen. 

He remembered being close, too close, and the taste of warm, fresh blood—holding a life in his hands, and soft grasping hands. 

And then panicking- smearing his blood on her lips, and running. 

So… he’d created another cursed existence today. 

“Fuck,” he murmured, running a hand through his hair, tugging at the silvery locks with a wince. 

He couldn’t be sure, of course—that dose was strong. Maybe he’d just imagined the entire thing, fell asleep piss-drunk in the back and dreamt the entire encounter. 

Yeah… 

The lobby had been abuzz with something—apparently one of the new embraces had been mixed up, someone Saorise had picked out bailed, but someone else was embraced in their place, on the same night, by accident. Filling the spot. Weird coincidence. 

As he walked through the hall, he passed Markus, who gave him a cold sneer behind his sunglasses. 

“The proverbial shepherd finally arrives to tend to his lamb,” Markus said, not pausing in his stride—a passing comment that sent a chill down Heath’s spine. 

“What did you say?” Heath called, but Markus had rounded the corner and was gone. 

Shepherd? Lamb? 

Markus talked like a madman sometimes, but Heath wasn’t stupid- he could guess what that meant, but what… 

Oh no, oh no no no…

He rushed down the hall, towards the empty room he’d known had been prepared for the new embrace, likely given to the unsanctioned addition to the clan. He could feel it without even opening the door, that presence, the draw- he’d never sired another vampire before, never even wished to do that to a living person, but he could feel it, on the other side of the door. 

He could hear soft sniffles on the other side, ceasing when he’d knocked on its wooden surface. 

Shit, he hadn’t even thought of what to say-

The door opened, greeting him to the soft, angelic sight of the woman he’d met at the club, her skin and eyes glowing. A little fang poked out behind her lips when she offered a nervous greeting, inquisitive eyes glancing up at him. 

For a moment, he saw it—the flash of recognition, and he could feel guilt sinking into his stomach, before her eyes softened. 

“Ah… my… apologies,” he finally got out, “I’d… completely forgotten what I was going to say as soon as you opened the door.” 

“Th- that’s okay,” she replied, that same soft, delicate voice he remembered drifting through his consciousness before. The soul that was so similar to his—the light he’d snuffed out himself. 

“I’d heard what happened, and I… came to offer my sympathies. Would you be open hosting to a guest?” He asked, trying not to sound too guilty- she didn’t recognize him, yet. Surely she could feel it, the draw, the wish to settle under his wing. 

A sire… he’d had one, of course, they all did, but he could hardly remember her, his mother… 

“Please do,” the young woman replied, opening the door to let him in, closing it behind him. “Make yourself comfortable...”

Heath took a seat on the chair by the window, as she perched at the edge of the bed, peering at him curiously. 

He could see it in her gaze- she was trying to figure out who he was, why she felt the way she did as she looked at him. 

“My name is Heath, I- I really must give my condolences, again. Being embraced so suddenly… it’s harrowing,” he said, rubbing his fingers down the side of his face. Whatever flirting mask he’d typically try to hold up crumbled at the sight of her red-ringed eyes, the clear sign that she’d been crying right before he walked inside. “And rarely are the kindred around us very… understanding, about that. Being ripped from your old life… you must be angry, or scared..?”

It was a cheap tactic, removing himself from the equation to fish out how she feels about this- while he’d never consider this accidental embrace a good thing, perhaps he could get some peace of mind, if she’s one of the stronger types, the kind who, unlike him, thrived under these adverse conditions. 

Instead of the look of determination he was hoping to see, despair crossed her features, as tears misted over her silver eyes, her bottom lip wobbling with barely-contained tears. 

“I- I am scared,” she mumbled in a quiet voice, arms wrapping around herself, rubbing her bare arms as if she could feel a chill in the room. “I- I don’t want to be a part of a war, or politics, and- and I can’t talk to my family anymore, and I can’t go to any more auditions, and I’m so hungry b-but I can’t… even think about…” she trailed off, wiping her tears with a small, shaking hand. 

Heath felt the space in his chest ache, self loathing creeping up in his throat like bile as he watched her, before gently reaching out with a tissue. He wanted to run, his muscles tense, waiting for the moment that she would put 2 and 2 together and realize that the source of her misery was sitting in front of her, but she never did. She only delicately accepted the tissue, wiping at her face with a quiet sob. 

How could he stay, when she was ruined because of him? She was young- barely twenty years old with her life ripped away from her, just as he had been. 

But God, how could he run, when she needed him? Her sire?

It’d make him no better than his own sire—but now, perhaps, some part of him understood now why many sires didn’t stick around. To witness the blossoming pain, and despair, grown from the seeds he’d sown… 

“It’s… it’ll get better,” he murmured—he couldn’t bring himself to say it’s okay when clearly it was not. Gently, he patted her shoulder, drawing closer as he offered what little comfort he could bring himself to provide. 

His first lesson as a sire was coming at him fast, and he wasn’t sure what to do- bring her a blood bag and tell her to suck it up and drink, or let her waste away into a frenzy, to keep her inside of her comfort zone? 

Drawing back, he grabbed a crystal glass and a bag of blood from the fridge, opening the pouch and pouring it into the glass. He saw her head snap up as soon as he’d opened the bag—the smell likely activating the beast that fought for control inside of her undead body. 

Walking back over, he offered the glass with a sympathetic gaze as she hesitated, despite how strong the hunger must have been by now. 

“I can’t really help with… much else, besides this. It makes it easier to stomach, while you get used to exactly what it is that you’re drinking,” Heath offered, pressing the glass into her hands. 

Coella looked up at him like he offered her salvation, not just a glass full of lukewarm blood, and the glowing gaze of his childe made him… shrink away. Her gaze was earnest, desperate, and sad—is that how he’d looked, looking up at his mother, that day? 

Gratefully, the fledgling took the glass, hesitating with a tearful gaze before she tipped it towards her lips, Heath’s eyes heavy on her as she took her first drink as a damned creature, officially… sealing her fate, her existence. 

Once she finished, she’d calmed down considerably, licking away the last dredges of the viscous liquid from her, now reddened, lips. She toyed with the empty glass, casting her gaze down on it. Now that she wasn’t raging with as many emotions, or hunger, he could sense a nervousness in her motions, the way she’d glance at him and back down at the glass. 

“Feel better, now?” he offered, head tilting to look down at her, to try to catch her gaze. 

Coella nodded, swallowing thickly. “Sorry for… um, e-exploding.”

Heath shook his head, gently taking the glass from her hands- to force her to shift her attention back on him, for as much as her gaze scared him, some selfish part of him only wanted her to look at him. 

“I understand, I… it hasn’t been too long since my own embrace, so… it gets easier to deal with, or to forget. The sun, the human joys of life, sharing space with others… for having our clans, vampires are still such solitary creatures,” Heath said, sadness creeping into his tone as he ran his fingers through his feathery hair, looking down at her. He offered a soft smile, which seemed to lift some of the despair from her own gaze. “I’d love to offer my company, though, should you wish for it. I run a small bar…”

Giving the information that he’d wanted to, after that, he departed, being left with a promise for her to stop by. As soon as he stepped outside of the door, his shoulders sank and he pulled out a cigarette, brow creasing. 

Just what had he done…?

AO3 link

[effieandtim]

Sorry for saying it like that, but sometimes I would like some of your mutuals to learn to shut up. Simone has spoken several times about Kathony and not just about a dance. I know it's not their fault but now these people are saying that those "misogynists and racists fans" only care about their white man and that they will drag Simone if necessary. I know it wasn't their intention but they have given them a reason to continue criticizing Jonny. I know this sounds bad but it's always the same circle. Some fans say something, they say JB fans (even if they are also Simone's, as much or more) are shit and her anons start filling his tag. I don't even care about actors anymore, but I loved Kathony and I can't watch it the same anymore. I know it's not your fault but it's very frustrating. Simone has spoken several times about Kathony and we have a lot to thank her for and it's okay to admit it. Jonathan hasn't said anything and there is nothing wrong with that as some fans (annie and co) are trying to imply.

i get where you are coming from.

only two of the people who called that person out are my mutuals, and it is not the person annie is arguing with on twitter currently.

i honestly dont know how many times simone has or hasnt mentioned kanthony.

the reason why my mutuals called that person out is because their tweet was shady af towards jonathan - even though HE has never been asked about kanthony as much as simone has been

this isnt the first time annie and her lot have implied how simone cares more about kanthony and made it into a bad thing that jonathan supposedly does not (annie uses jonny naming violet and edmund as his favourite bridgerton couple as proof)

so this isnt new at all, and that is why they were called out.

look, annie does not need a reason to attack jonathan at this point as we all have seen. she does that every time the man moves. it looks like she is a bigger fan of him than we are bc her whole personality is about him. i know she is now calling him a rat or something and that’s not the first insult she has come up with. she will continue blaming jonathan bailey for all of the world’s problems as according to her, he is the most horrible person on this planet

she is one of the most racist and homophobic members of this fandom and she will NOT stop spreading her bigotry.

i do understand though that as a fan of jonathan is it frustrating to see him and his fans being dragged unnecessarily in the tags, especially with his new show airing and new fans joining his fandom, and have lies spread about him and his fans.

but please know that annie and her lot are a minority. a vocal one, but a minority nonetheless. they are white women who have no jobs and only token stan a woc to make themselves feel better and NOTHING MORE.

they aren’t true simone fans and thank god for that because simone deserves so much better than them.

at this point I don’t even want jonathan to speak about kanthony anymore. to hell with that show I honestly dont care. i knew annie would be pissed that he didn’t say anything - she is pissed when he does and when he doesnt, you cannot win at all bc as i said, she needs no readon to hate - hating on jonathan is her actual job atp.

i really don’t know what to tell you anon bc I completely understand your frustrations but I also cannot control what my mutuals tweet. the most i can do is show them this anon, but please be aware that annie will still hate on him and spread lies about him

[archduke-enver-gortash]

i KNOW u said i dont have to send u some but i wanna know 1, 2, and 4 nevertheless !

ahh thank you <33

1. Who was your first ever OC? Do you still “use” them? How have they evolved over time?

my first ever oc was a naruto fan character i created in 2013? or early 14? to insert into the antagonist group akatsuki, his name was yoko and he had sick ice powers. i don’t exactly remember his story, but he was definitely some sort of non human without any emotions, and he started eating human hearts because he was jealous. (don’t judge, i know it’s edgy but i was like 12 and wanted to make him like my favorite character in the show, zetsu, a fellow flesh eater lol) he was my favorite little guy and i grew out of liking naruto, so i made a whole story with him as the main protagonist. he went through so many changes it would take hours to explain, but i basically merged him with two other characters and actually still use them today. (they’re the deuteragonist now) their name today is n (well, they don’t have a name/feel the need to use one, just using it so i don’t have to type “nameless guy” every time) you might have seen me tag a post as them occasionally :)

2. Who is your newest OC? Why did you make them?

well, depends if revamping an old character counts. if so, it’s wual. i made her in 2020, he didn’t really fit into the story anymore, but i still really loved his character concept, so i made her wotr pc number 2. if it doesn’t count, it’s oleander. i made him because i needed a new guy to play in wotr :) (and because i finally needed to create a monster mommy worshipper)

4. What kind of music do your OCs listen to?

i have like. 20 so i’m just gonna do the ones with interesting answers to this.

Ven: one of those people that listens to everything, probably a different song every time.

Oleander: puts on nature sounds. and unholy hymns/choir chants

Shana: does not care for music, he’s too busy to just sit down and enjoy some tunes, but frequently lies to people about his music taste. just for fun.

Niendayphyll: honestly she thinks every single person who does not spend their time training to be warrior/fighting is a waste of oxygen, so i think people listening to music are included in that.

[punch-love]

you mentioned near-constant-conflict and it just triggered a thought spiral of mine i often go on when i think about spideypool fanfiction that i thought you might be interested in reading or writing your thoughts about (hope you dont mind me rambling in your inbox)

i often seek out fanfiction with lots of conflict in it because im an enemies-to-lovers fan but i feel like a lot of the conflict in spideypool fanfiction often falls flat because either it feels like the author really doesnt WANT conflict (they REALLY just want fluff and they wanna get to it asap) or as soon as the conflict crescendos into the climax, they immediately drop the conflict, and the climax/resolution often becomes just about them having sex and immediately from then is happily ever after. ive been let down by a lot of identity reveal fics where i feel like the reveal should have spiraled into a lot more complicated feelings/conflict/etc due to the set up, just for them to get over it in about a paragraph or two. its what makes you and oprime and a dozen other spideypool authors stick out to me in the sea of the spideypool tag, that you guys dont let me down like that you go heavy on the conflict and keep me engaged

do you have any similar thoughts when reading fanfic that falls flat like that? or have i just been reading a very specific niche looking for a specific thing and im the only one going crazy over it? i feel like ive read hundreds of fics but still havent broadened my horizons enough because im picky idk but some days i feel like enemies to lovers is a rarity in a ship i can only perceive as such meanwhile everyone else is foaming at the mouth to domesticate them

I actually wrote love-punch because I was so dissatisfied by how the idenity reveal was always used as some sort of "fix-it" that absolved all the prior problems in the relationship because Peter was, like, conventionally hot or whatever. It was like the needle that popped the balloon instead of blowing to greater, worse proportions due to all the lies, miscommunication, and manipulation that went into keeping that idenity airtight. I see you. I understand you. We are on the same wave length when it comes to this.

"I feel like enemies to lovers is a rarity in a ship I can only perceive as such, meanwhile everyone else is foaming at the mouth to domesticate them." <- that's exactly it. I think my favorite ending for their relationship is still the end of @primewritessmut's she's not going to die today because it felt so true to character and how a "relationship" between them would realistically function (it wouldn't, without the conflict)

The main draw for me for these two has always been the conflict, so I know exactly what you mean when it comes to reading fic and finding a lot of authors wanting to circumnavigate the conflict or brush it under the rug the moment they start kissing. I am a believer that fanfiction allows people with vastly different interests to explore concepts, and I am okay that people are often very drawn to the idea of them being fluffy/domestic/dating because fanfiction is a fantasy - and a lot of people enjoy that fantasy! I am just not one of those people. I think they should fight forever and ever until the end of time.

re: fanfiction being a fantasy but I think a lot of people see dating as the "end" of tension - everything has been communicated, the sexual (or romantic) feelings have been explored, and now it's just smooth sailing. I think, realistically, that's not really how relationships work but more specifically - I don't think that's how their relationship would work. Wade and Peter canonically destroy everything they love, they walk past the smoldered remains of past relationships and onto the next ad infinitum. I don't think slapping a label on what they are would nullify them in the slightest. I've said it before, but I've never actually written a healthy domestic fic for them in part because I don't find it very interesting, and part because I just don't really see either of them being able to fulfill that fantasy (or necessarily wanting it?)

I think the conflict is the definition of their chemistry, and I think it should always be present, bubbling under the surface. Wade doesn't become less of a shit starter just because he's in love, and Peter doesn't become less of a short fuse just because he's in love, either. Again, fanfiction is really up to personal taste but man, would love if there were more conflict heavy works because it's such a good chance to explore character dynamics/studies and really expand on why these characters are interested in each other in the first place.

[c3rnunnos]

(i will not) Tag 9 People you Want to Know Better

Thank you to @no-braincells-inc for tagging me! i never do this kind of thing.

                                                           .....

Three Ships: i ship a lot of stuff but it changes a lot depending on the day. also, considering just how much they shift, i will just drop in an oc ship. no you have never seen them, and i dont know if they’ll ever be revealed to the world. at the moment i have:

Simon “Ghost” Riley/John “Soap” MacTavish, from the Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2022 reboot. i just... really like big buff men in military gear......

Ludwig/Laurence, from Bloodborne. there isn’t much of a base for them, but the fics are good as hell. and i like it when they are written as sad old men.

The Vagrant/Vorace, from a worldbuilding project with a friend. i have a bunch fo stuff for them that has never seen the light of day or my friend’s dms, and they will never be revealed. but i do enjoy their dynamic(s).

First Ever Ship: i don’t have a good memory. i have no idea. probably something for percy jackson though. probably percabeth. those were the good times...

Last Song: In The Woods Somewhere by Hozier. (half of the time when i listen it i start feeling and hearing footsteps around my room. thats not a fun fact but it is what it is. am i alone? or is someone there with me?)

Last Movie: ah fuck i don’t know, i havent watched a movie in a while. probably... into the spiderverse. probably. maybe... the first venom movie. or maybe the lord of the rings the two towers. could be! been years since i watched a movie.

Currently Reading: i dont read many books nowadays. im reading a few fics by rococospade, and a pretty long zhongli/childe fic. also, my own drafts for a mandela catalogue fic.

Currently Watching: chainsawman. i read the manga as it was coming out, and bought the box with the first part a while ago. im going insane it is very good.

Currently Consuming: nothing. i forgot to eat or drink today. im gonna shovel my face with sweet omelettes in a while though. maybe.

Currently Craving: sleep. no i’m joking. i do not have any cravings at the moment. i lied i am craving being loved by my cat. but i do know i have some sorta craving going on and i have no idea what it is and its really annoying.

Now, unfortunately, i dont... like tagging people, and the ones i may have wanted to tag with this have already been tagged. if u see this and wanna do it, go for it.

[hellokittysasuke]

I posted 5,287 times in 2022

That's 4,064 more posts than 2021!

69 posts created (1%)

5,218 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@mettywiththenotes

@1rakus

@sasukechannel

@yugiohz

@sasubaeuchithot

I tagged 3,568 of my posts in 2022

Only 33% of my posts had no tags

#naruto - 1,187 posts

#sasuke - 594 posts

#jjk - 229 posts

#naruto & sasuke - 174 posts

#itachi - 159 posts

#sasukecor3 - 140 posts

#sausk4 - 134 posts

#orochimaru - 121 posts

#misc - 102 posts

#founders - 98 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#i dont think its ever mentioned if the uchihas had their own traditional clan names but if they did this would mean sasuke doesnt have one

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

itachis narrative follows through at first, but falls apart if you inspect it. his story's actually quite inconsistent...

like only focusing on his treatment of sasuke, we are told he did it to make him stronger. but its all very vague and a flimsy excuse for the sheer agony and torture it caused to the brother he loved. his character or backstory didnt seem to be finalized when he was first introduced..

nevertheless i do love the 'actually he loved his brother' storyline. its very tragic. his canon actions offer a lot for interpretation...

i read a fic where itachi loved sasuke so much he killed the uchihas because he felt thy were trapping him and wanted to see sasuke fly. hmmmm*

possibilities...(the love can be twisted too)

i feel like all the anti itachi portay him as too...overly willing to kill his clan? (for the sake of konoha) wasnt danzos ultimatum (either every single uchiha dies at roots hands..or only sasuke will be spared if he does it himself) playing a major part in his decision??...

anyways kishimoto did end up creating one of the most iconic characters of anime/manga...

so im not complaining ...i dont think the uchiha storyline would be as memorable without the twist

*(i love pre reveal itachi and sasuke fics. the explanations they make for the massacre are always so interesting...)

21 notes - Posted April 25, 2022

#4

lmao how itachi didnt even kill shisui, his best friend, but told sasuke to kill his to get the mangekyou sharingan.

what would he have done if sasuke had actually killed naruto (his best friend then) only to find out itachi lied about killing shisui for power

wow can you imagine how awkward that would be

37 notes - Posted February 13, 2022

#3

the sound era trio- orochimaru sasuke & kabuto are peak comedy potential

their dynamic is SO funny to me but theres barely any content around them??? hello??

like orochimaru with his weird fake politeness and sadistic amusement vs kabuto who cant stand sasuke (and vice versa) but he has to be nice bcs this angsty preteen is his masters next vessel vs sasuke whos just here power and really doesnt give a shit about the other two, except for when he wants to take out his teenage angst by bullying kabuto,

46 notes - Posted March 27, 2022

#2

47 notes - Posted May 31, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

it will forever baffle me, all those memes that paint sasuke as this dumb, idiotic character that knows nothing and is a selfish brat for wanting to kill his brother who loves him and power-obsessed for leaving to orochimaru, and then pretend itachi didnt have any part in that. that that was all sasuke, uninfluenced.

setting aside the question of (his intentions, if it made sense, what was a better alternative, was it morally justified etc.) its a fact that the one who made him that way was... itachi. he was the one who told him to hate him, to kill his best friend for the mangekyou sharingan, to grow stronger, to cling to hate and revenge, to come after him to kill him. 

he was the one who told him he lacks enough hate, called him weak, and repeatedly used tsukoyomi to make him relive the massacre and hate him, therefore want to grow stronger to kill him. he actively hid the truth and manipulated it to be that sasuke would never find out, even after death, he was the one who took the brush and painted himself a mindless villain, just to make him hate him. that was all itachi. that was what drove him to orochimaru, to leave konoha, to try and cut off naruto. 

sasuke wasnt somehow naturally that way, (on the contrary, he went after itachi right after seeing his parents bodies, stopped himself from killing naruto)- itachi had to constantly influence him to fester hate that way. it was literally all part of itachis plan! itachi’s!!! people just ignore that, fuck?

like i love itachis character too, i genuinely enjoy his and sasukes storyline. this is not an attack on his character. its just kind of irritating when people lift him up while putting sasuke down by like, exaggerating and making him out to be a pathetic spoilt brat of a character and pretend itachis the actual and only victim bcs how terrible to have a brother who you love but wants to kill you, somehow ignoring that itachi was the one who manipulated his brother? like yeah itachi was manipulated and under pressure too, but in terms of his and sasukes relationship he is the one who lied!!!

like i dont even care about his mistakes or whatever, i care abt sasuke being made out to be the "villain" in their dynamic

51 notes - Posted March 10, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[krappykawa]

fake dating headcanons with atsumu, oikawa, and kuroo

ANON ASKED: “hi i really like your writing 🥺🥺 could i request fake dating with atsumu, oikawa, and kuroo? like they told their teams that they have a girlfriend but they dont lmao so they ask one of their classmates to pretend to be their gf so the team can meet her? and they end up falling for her along the way :)) i look forward to reading more of ur works!! 💖”

atsumu x f!reader, oikawa x f!reader, kuroo x f!reader

genre. fluff

warnings. language

word count. 6.3k

note. DAMN this one got away from me ... 6.3k words for a headcanon post ...... sorry anon i’m not sure if you wanted a long post but i mean, here we are lol 

note 2. had to repost because something was up with the tags lol i hope it works fine this time

ATSUMU.

- the team has a favorite twin and it’s osamu, we all know it

- one day after practice, the team finds out that one of the first-years managed to get a girlfriend

- most of the inarizaki vb team is single at that point in time so it starts a conversation about relationships

- somewhere in the conversation, aran says, “osamu, man. I can’t believe ya haven’t gotten a girlfriend yet. yer easily one of the best-looking people in the school.”

- osamu just shrugs, but atsumu’s like “huh??”

- “hey ‘samu and i have the same face. don’t cha mean that we’re some of the best-looking people in the school??”

- the guys in the locker room exchange glances

- aran‘s like “look, atsumu. don’t blow up on me or anything, but most girls don’t really want to date you.” (keep in mind that aran’s strictly speaking about the girls that aren’t a part of the miya twins fan club)

- “and why the hell not?”

- at this point, aran’s looking at literally everyone in the room and pleading with his eyes for help because he doesn’t want to start a fight with atsumu

- suna takes pity on aran and says, “hate to break it you, miya, but girls don’t want to date a guy who’s a massive asshole”

- now, atsumu could care less if the entire goddamn world thinks he’s an asshole, but it rubs him the wrong way that his teammates think that osamu’s a better catch than he is

- sibling rivalry pride or whatever

- so atsumu goes “i think my girlfriend would disagree because oh will ya look at that, she’s dating me!”

- he was most definitely not dating anyone

- osamu raises an eyebrow at him because to his knowledge, atsumu didn’t have a girlfriend

- “since when did you have a girlfriend?”

- osamu looks at atsumu with knowing eyes and smirks. “yeah sumu, who’s this girlfriend of yours? I don’t think i’ve met her yet.”

- atsumu knows he’s gotten himself in some deep shit

- but still he’s still full of pride, so he says, “i’ll bring her by to practice tomorrow.”

- now miya atsumu has a dilemma because there are some things he just shouldn’t lie about (because now he’ll never live it down if he can’t figure out a way to get himself out of this one)

- atsumu knows that he’s got that fanclub that would probably be more than willing to date him, but the thought of being in their presence for longer than two seconds makes his skin crawl because he doesn’t think he could handle the excessive screaming

- so that night he decides to go to the bakery down the street that he frequents because they have some of the best macarons in town

- you’re one of the bakers at that bakery that works the shift when he usually comes in for his weekly macarons so you two are acquainted

- you also go to inarizaki, so you hear the rumors that circulate around atsumu, but you don’t really pay much attention to them because he’s not that bad whenever he comes into the bakery

- like sometimes if he tries to only order 2 macarons but notices that there are only 5 macarons left, he’ll buy them all just to make your life easier

- when he comes in that day, he has this troubled look on his face. “hey y/n. can i just have my usual? oh and an iced matcha.”

- you like to keep tabs on your regulars and what they order, so when he orders an iced matcha, you know that something’s probably up (he never orders drinks from there because he said that his brother would kill him if he didn’t bring him home a drink too and having to carry the two drinks up to their apartment is hassle enough)

- you’re in the middle of making his drink when you decide to ask him what’s up “everything alright?”

- it’s almost time to close up and you two are the only two left so you figured you had time for small talk

- “i may have outright lied to my team about havin’ a girlfriend.”

- “you don’t?” that surprises you because so many girls at your school have a crush on the miya twins (you would know because your best friend is practically in love with osamu)

- when atsumu shakes his head dejectedly, you don’t quite understand what he’s so down for

- “you do know that there are like 50 girls that are practically lining up to date you right?”

- “yeah, but they’d expect a real relationship and i’m no good at those.”

- “why not?”

- “i’m too argumentative, let's just say, plus i’ve been told that i kinda come off as an asshole.”

- “and volleyball right?” you would know since he always comes into the bakery after a practice and he looks like he’s both dead and alive

- when you hand him his matcha and packet of macarons, he pauses

- “listen, don’t take this the wrong way but yer single right?”

- you almost smile to yourself because wow for a guy so attractive, his way with words isn’t great

- “i am.”

- he stands there for a good 20 seconds just looking at you with that look in his eyes that tells you that he’s trying to ask you something but he doesn’t know how to do it

- “you want me to act as your fake girlfriend don’t you?”

- cue atsumu chuckle @%EUTYDJBCJWER)*&# hhhhfs

- “ya know, i’m kinda seein’ why i get called an asshole all the time. it doesn’t sound as great when ya’ say it like that.”

- you agree to pretend to be his girlfriend, but on the condition that your best friend will be able to tag along if osamu’s gonna be there

- and that’s the start of it

- you visit his practice the next day before work and his team looks at you in surprise because they were 100% sure that having a girlfriend was just another one of atsumu’s lies

- they all kinda stare at you a little extra too because you’re really pretty

- “aye, get yer asses back to volleyball and stop starin’ at my girl like that.”

- you know it’s all fake, but him saying that kinda makes you blush anyways

- when you first agreed to fake dating him, you weren’t expecting that you’d have to spend too much time with him (he did tell you that he wasn’t looking for a real relationship) but that changes because osamu’s insistent that atsumu should at least try to be a good boyfriend and eat lunch with you and stuff

- you’re both aware that osamu doesn’t buy your little arrangement one bit

- atsumu’s got this raging pride when it comes to his twin brother, so he actually listens because now he’s made it his personal mission to convince osamu that you and him are actually dating

- it takes a while for you two to get into the hang of it, but once you do, it’s like a regular routine

- you and your best friend eat lunch with the twins (you and atsumu both watch as your best friend fumbles her way into talking with osamu), you drop by before work to give atsumu a kiss on the cheek before practice, he drops by the bakery after practice nearly everyday, and you come to his games while wearing a jersey that he lent you

- his teammates like you a lot and tease atsumu all the time because they claim that you’re way too good for him

- surprisingly, he always gets a little protective when they say things like that and always slips an arm around your waist

- one day when you’re over at his apartment, you help atsumu learn how to make macarons (with some help from osamu)

- it takes a while because he would get mad at the macarons when they would come out in weird shapes

- “stupid macarons! they got it out for me i’m tellin’ ya! they’re being like that on purpose!”

- LITERALLY A CHILD

- you learn to like that about him though

- dates with him are usually on the weekends (you both drag osamu and your best friend out with you) and it’s always something fun that osamu suggests because atsumu wasn’t joking when he said he sucks at real relationships

- most of these dates consist of holding hands as you walk around the streets until osamu sees a restaurant he wants to try out

- he always insists on feeding you at least once in your meal

- he also loves doing the walrus-chopsticks face?? (he only started doing it because he liked hearing you laugh)

- as time passes, you two start going on dates without osamu and your best friend (atsumu always claims that it’s because he wants to show osamu up, but you start to notice that osamu doesn’t even find out about these dates most of the time)

- you secretly like these dates better than those with osamu and your best friend because atsumu feels more at ease and will develop a softer tone around you during these dates

- eventually, he starts to always greet you with a forehead kiss whenever you’re in public (you’re not sure if he does it just because his brother is watching, or if maybe he might be starting to like you)

- you try to make your brain forget that most of the time, he kisses your forehead before osamu even walks in

- one day after practice, you’re waiting for him because you didn’t have a shift at the bakery that day

- he walks out of the club room looking mildly pissed and you’re a little wary

- but then he gets to where you’re standing and just pulls your waist towards him and full on kisses you

- mind you, this is your first kiss on the lips with him

- it’s not a quick peck either, like you can hear the wolf whistles from his teammates in the back and you’re left breathing hard and flushed pink afterwards

- damn if that’s what his kisses are like, you suddenly wish he’d do it more often

- “what was that for?”

- “nothin’”

- sometime in the future you find out that he did that because his teammates were once again talking about your relationship and one of them joked that atsumu paid you to pretend to be his girlfriend

- he knew that what you had wasn’t necessarily real, but he just had the urge to kiss you then (he swears to you that he doesn’t know why)

- he does know why. it was because it was starting to slip his mind that your relationship was fake and the reminder made him a little mad at himself

- he realizes that maybe he’s fallen in love with you when osamu brings it up

- atsumu had asked for osamu’s help because he wanted to surprise you by making you mochis for your upcoming four month anniversary of being his fake girlfriend (typing this out was so funny, this man is so whipped he doesn’t know it)

- “ya know, when i first met y/n, i was sure that it was all fake and that you’d slip up about it one day. i guess i was wrong.”

- atsumu doesn’t say anything to that because in his head he’s trying to convince himself that “no. this is all still fake.” but it’s hard to convince himself of that when his hands are covered in the rice flower that he’s using to make your favorite dessert for your four months of faking being together

- he tries not to think about what osamu said when he gives you the gifts later that night

- he tries not to think about it when he gets that funny feeling that he’s been feeling for a while now when he sees the way you light up upon opening the box of mochis

- he most definitely tries not to think about it when you accidentally give him your second kiss of the relationship because you were caught up in the spur of the moment

- it’s on the way home back to his apartment that night that he realizes he’s fucked

- because good god he’s fallen for you

- he tries to break it off after that

- you’re confused at how sudden it is, but you let him break it off because at that point you’re already in love with him and are still too scared to say it because you keep remembering how he always said that he didn’t want a real relationship

- IDIOTS IN LOVE YOU'RE BOTH SO .

- he tries to go back to normal after that

- but for the love of everything he just . can’t

- his eyes always linger a little too long on the door right before practice because you would always come see him before going to work

- his feet would instinctively move in the direction of the bakery after practices until he realizes what he’s doing and forces himself to go home

- his eyes would scan for your figure wearing his jersey during games until he remembers that you probably weren’t there and that you most definitely wouldn’t be wearing his jersey

- he wants to kick himself because the reason he asked you to be his fake girlfriend in the first place was because he didn’t want a real relationship

- yet here he was. wallowing because if there’s anything more he wants, it’s a real relationship with you

- osamu gets fed up with him eventually

- “take yer ass to the bakery right after practice. i’m not letting you into the apartment until you see her.”

- and surprisingly, he actually listens to his twin brother

- he walks into the bakery for the first time in a while and says “hey y/n. can i just have my usual? oh and an iced matcha.”

- you look up at him then because you vividly remember that night. how could you not?

- you’re in the middle of making his drink when you decide to ask him what’s up “everything alright?”

- “i may have outright lied to myself about loving you.”

- you nearly drop the drink in your hands

- “‘tsumu? what are you on about?”

- “i know i said that i’m no good at real relationships. but i’ve found that i want to learn to be good.”

- a pause

- “i want to learn with ya.”

OIKAWA.

- this poor boy is always the butt of the jokes that come from his team

- seriously though. it’s always “tease oikawa day” (he teases them back so it’s all good)

- but one day, they’re all in the locker room when hanamaki brings up this girl that he’s planning on asking out because he’s not sure how to do it

- oikawa, being the little shit that he is, goes “step one, makki. have my face. step two, have my amazing personality. step three, ask her out.”

- he barely ducks in time to miss the shoe that comes flying towards his head

- “makki! such unbecoming behavior! my advice is perfect!”

- matsukawa snorts and says “perfect advice my ass. you can’t even get anyone to like you. let alone go out with you, crappykawa.”

- “don’t spread lies, mattsun.” oikawa clicks his tongue like a mother scolding his child. “or do you seem to forget the dozens of confessions i get on the daily along with the girls that you three complain about all the time because ugh shittykawa’s gonna make us late if he keeps talking to them” (he’s so dramatic lol he says that last part in this weird, whiny voice)

- iwaizumi scoffs. “doesn’t count when you reject every single one.”

- “i do not!”

- “right. right. as if you don’t make them cry because you’re so nice about rejecting them too.” (oikawa frowns at that one because he doesn’t mean to make them cry)

- “yeah, shittykawa, you’re pretty bad at love in general. i’d die before listening to your advice.” (this one is from matsukawa)

- “there’s also the fact that the girlfriend’s you did have all broke up with you because you would rather cuddle with a volleyball than cuddle with them.” (this one is from hanamaki)

- oikawa scowls at them “i don’t cuddle my volleyball.”

- “sure you don’t. just like you most definitely don’t have a name for it either.”

- “leave iwa-chan the second out of this!” (he drew an angry face on his volleyball too because he claims it looks like iwaizumi)

- iwaizumi groans. “i hate you. so so much.”

- at this point, oikawa knows they’re right, but he’s also really prideful. “and besides. i would suggest taking my advice because i got a girlfriend just today!”

- he most definitely did not

- “sure you did. hey mattsun, i bet a week tops until she breaks up with him.”

- “nah i’ll bet five days.”

- after practice, oikawa came up with a plan for the next day to get himself out of the hole he dug for himself

- he usually got confessions before school, so he told iwaizumi that he was going to school early to practice and instead waited for a girl to confess to him

- but the moment he saw this second-year walk up to him with a little box, he knew he wouldn’t be able to do it

- he couldn’t do that to this innocent girl

- and he tries to say yes to her. he really does.

- but he can practically hear his older sister’s voice yelling at him about how “even when you get popular and get confessions from people left and right, i don’t want you leading anyone on. you only accept a confession if you actually like them.”

- he’s probably more scared of his sister than he is of his own mother, so he says no to that second-year, even when she starts to frown and walk away

- he’s leaning against the gym and rubbing the bridge of his nose when he hears you

- “everything alright?”

- you two were pretty close because he found out that you had a crush on iwaizumi in your second year and tried to set you two up (it didn’t work because he’s pretty bad at being a wingman)

- even when iwaizumi rejected you, oikawa had already grown to like your presence, so you two stayed friends despite how his best friend broke your heart

- “y/n-chan! what are you doing here so early?”

- “just returning a book to the library before the librarian knocks down my door and kicks my ass for having an overdue library book. what are you doing here so early?”

- “would you believe me if i said that i was practicing volleyball?”

- you look him up and down, and the smell of fresh cologne reaches your nostrils. his uniform is neatly put together.

- “looking like that? no, no i would not.”

- “well, what would you believe?”

- “i don’t know .. the truth maybe?”

- “the truth is embarrassing and is defamation to my good name.” that makes you raise your brow at him.

- “okay now i only want to hear the truth. i will not accept anything but the truth. now tell me, what kind of embarrassment have you proved yourself to be this morning?”

- “so mean, y/n-chan! now i see why you so very adored our precious iwa-chan.”

- you groan because you don’t want to remember that rejection. “oh just hurry up and embarrass yourself instead of embarrassing me.”

- “but it’s quite embarrassing.”

- “come on, spit it out.”

- “i may or may not have told iwa-chan, makki, and mattsun that i have a girlfriend when i don’t have one.”

- you look at him like he’s the dumbest person you’ve ever met, because at that moment, you really believed that he was. “couldn’t you just … i don’t know … accept one of your many, many confessions?”

- oikawa tells you about his fear of his sister and the second-year that just confessed to him

- you find yourself admiring his sister because she’s probably the one person on this planet that can humble oikawa tooru (the next person to be able to do so will be you, but you don’t know that yet)

- after hearing his explanation you get an idea. “can’t you ask someone to fake being in a relationship with you? you know, so you don’t get the angry sister devil/angel thing on your shoulder?” (LOL if you don’t get what the angel/devil thing that i’m talking about is, it’s like when you have an imaginary angel and a devil that sits on your shoulders and criticizes every choice you make)

- “are you offering, y/n?” he has that shit-eating grin on his face again, so you know he’s mostly joking

- “hmm, i don’t know. i think you’ll have to formally ask me to be your fake girlfriend. it’s only polite after all.”

- oikawa blinks for a second because he didn’t actually think you were serious. “what?”

- “are you going to ask me to be your fake girlfriend or not? maybe throw in a flower and i’ll say yes.”

- oh. oh.

- well, he wasn’t going to let what might be his only opportunity to get someone to fake date him pass by

- he looks around and sees a small flower on the ground and picks it

- he takes both your hands and puts the flower in one of them before saying, “y/n-chan will you, take me, oikawa tooru, as your loving pretend boyfriend, and save me from irrevocable embarrassment?”

- you laugh in his face because he’s trying so hard not to laugh through his “proposal.”

- “minus points for not getting on one knee but i guess i do.”

- you mainly did it because you may have already gotten rejected by iwaizumi, but you did like the possibility of being friends with him, and fake dating oikawa would probably let you do that

- you also kind of felt bad for oikawa, knowing that he wasn’t exaggerating how embarrassing it would be if his teammates found out he was lying

- when you and oikawa walk up to the seijoh third-years while holding hands, makki and mattsun are jostling each other while iwaizumi looks mildly surprised

- “see matsun! pay up!”

- oikawa and you both look in surprise as mattsun reluctantly shoves a few bills into makki’s awaiting hand

- oikawa’s looking between them both. “what bet did you use me for this time?”

- “i bet mattsun that you and y/n secretly liked each other.”

- blink blink

- iwaizumi sees the mildly awkward situation brewing so he says, “anyways, y/n if you ever get tired of this dumbass, you’re more than welcome into our group. we’ll just kick oikawa out.”

- after that, you and oikawa fall into a dating routine easily (you have a pretty busy schedule too so both you and oikawa understand each other schedules well)

- usually this is where oikawa’s relationships fail. he spends so much time with volleyball and the team that he doesn’t really spend time with his significant others

- it’s different with you though. maybe it’s the fact that the stakes aren’t so high because it’s only a fake relationship after all, or maybe it’s because unlike his past significant others, you don’t mind spending most of your time and “dates” with the other seijoh third-years, or maybe it’s because he remembers that locker room conversation and he wants to prove to makki, mattsun, and iwaizumi that he can be a good boyfriend (even if it’s a good fake boyfriend)

- dates with oikawa are usually laid-back because he’s tired from practice (so like walks in the park, getting ice cream, or study dates where you don’t get much done because you spend most of it just laughing and cooking in his kitchen)

- you find that he’s secretly a decent cook (the only thing keeping from saying that he’s a good cook is because he can’t cut vegetables for his life, and he also managed to accidently burn the onions you were trying to caramelize).

- neither of you acknowledge the fact that since nobody’s there to see those dates, you two technically don’t have to go on them since it’s only a fake relationship

- oh and takeru LOVES you

- seriously. he thinks you’re probably the coolest person ever (he tells you one day that he thinks you’re even cooler than oikawa and oikawa is a pouting mess the rest of your day. you can only pull him out of his slump when you jump on his back and force him to run to the bakery and buy milk bread)

- sometimes you’ll come with oikawa when he needs to watch takeru

- as takeru teaches you how to receive a volleyball, oikawa will watch you two with a little smile on his face (this loser is so whipped like man people passing by reminisce on how they were young and in love once because oikawa looks at you like that. oikawa doesn’t notice that he’s doing it though.)

- you sometimes spend time at his house with iwaizumi or on select days just by yourself (mostly for study dates or for watching weird sci-fi movies that oikawa seems to love)

- since you’re at his house so often, oikawa’s mother takes a liking to you because “you finally got her boy to care about something that isn’t volleyball.”

- it’s when oikawa groans a “moooom” in response that you start to feel those pesky butterflies

- oikawa will run up to you after games and just hold you tightly (he tells himself that it’s because his fan club and the team are watching, but really it’s because he can’t thank you enough for being there because he just plays better when you’re watching)

- my god, dUDE . he has no idea that he loves you like . MAN .

- mattsun, makki, and iwaizumi always tease oikawa about how you’re so much cooler than him

- oikawa whines to you and says, “y/n-channn they’re being mean again!”

- “what do you want me to do about it?”

- oikawa pouts like the baby he is and says, “kiss,” while pointing to his cheek. you give in and a round of groans comes from mattsun and makki. oikawa looks so smug and those pesky stomach feelings come back. iwaizumi is smiling to himself.

- speaking of iwaizumi

- you two become best friends after he finds you looking dejected as you wait for oikawa to get out of practice. you confided with him about how your relationship was all pretend. you might have also told him that you may be teensy bit in love with his captain

- iwaizumi tells you that, “there are some things you just ... can’t fake. the way that shithead looks at you is one of them. trust me.”

- he also tells you that his suspicion that you and oikawa had this weird spark was what kept him from ever reciprocating your feelings and why he rejected you (oikawa literally tried being your wingman before by texting iwaizumi things like “did you see how pretty y/n was today? don’t you think she was pretty?” and “iwa-chan! y/n is so funny and that’s coming from me, so she really is funny! i think maybe you should talk to her to see what i’m talking about (≧◡≦)”)

- at this point everyone knows that you’re in love with oikawa for real (except for oikawa himself)

- everyone also knows that oikawa’s fallen for you (except for oikawa himself, and you because you refuse to believe it)

- the moment he realizes he’s in love with you is on another one of those dates that you both know you don’t have to have but still choose to have anyway

- you’re making milk bread and he’s helping to measure the ingredients when he turns around to see you covered in flour and he just kinda stops

- and he realizes

- like yeah he’s been getting that small tugging feeling with you a lot over these past few months

- but now he finally realizes it’s because he’s in love with you

- he’s staring for a long time and for a second you think he’s going to make fun of your flour-coated self, but he’s staring at you with that look and you’re confused

- “everything okay? is there something wrong? did you mess up the measurements?”

- then an idea hits him

- “something’s wrong. it’s kind of embarassing though.”

- “what is it?”

- “no but it’s really embarrassing.”

- “what .. what is it?”

- cue cheeky little grin. “i think i might’ve fallen in love with my fake girlfriend. i don’t have another flower to ask her out though. i hope she doesn’t say no.”

- you kiss him for the first time then and take pride in the fact that you get him covered in flour in the process

KUROO.

- it happened the second day that you were at the tokyo training camp

- kuroo was with bokuto and a few of the karasuno first-years when bokuto started telling the first-years that kuroo had a girlfriend because he saw kuroo helping you carry your bags the day before (listen . this man is like . clueless when it comes to emotions sometimes i’msosorry)

- kuroo got this confused look on his face because he thought he would remember getting a girlfriend. “i do?”

- “don’t you? remember the girl you were holding hands with yesterday?”

- this was all some big misunderstanding

- so basically what happened was this: you’re shinzen’s team manager and you were tasked with carrying bags of equipment to the training center. kuroo was waiting for kenma to finish talking with lev (more like trying to avoid though lmao) and noticed that you were struggling so he came over to help

- kuroo figured that bokuto must’ve seen him holding the bags for you and assumed that something must’ve been going on (or maybe he looked over for the split second when kuroo held your hand in order to transfer the bags to his hand)

- he was about to clear things up when lo and behold, you walked into the gym

- “kuroo look! it’s your girlfriend! hey, come join us!”

- bless bokuto’s soul. bless that poor, oblivious soul.

- you walked up to them and looked at kuroo like “what??”

- you remembered him from the day before, but you didn’t remember ever agreeing to being his girlfriend of any sort

- he smiled apologetically at you and asked to talk to you on the side

- “what’s going on? why did he call me your .. girlfriend?”

- “look i’m sorry, bo’s a little … i don’t know. he saw me carrying your bags yesterday and assumed. i’ll clear things up, don’t worry.”

- when you two headed back to where bokuto is standing, it was obvious that kuroo’s smooth-sailing explanation wasn’t happening anytime soon

- because lev was there, and so was yaku

- “KUROO-SENPAI? THIS IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND? SHE’S VERY PRETTY SENPAI!” (bless lev’s soul too. another part of the extremely oblivious club.)

- yaku took no hesitation in teasing kuroo. “since when does kuroo ever get any girl to like him? this is new. no offense, of course.”

- kuroo tried clearing up the air by saying, “guys- listen this has all been som-“

- hinata doesn’t let him finish either lmao “YOU’RE THE TEAM MANAGER FOR SHINZEN!” (extremely oblivious club member number 3 here)

- “a team manager, kuroo? what’d you do to get her to say yes? is she a chemistry nerd too?”

- “bo-“

- they kinda just went like that back and forth, and kuroo kept getting interrupted

- you were just laughing to the side because it was kind of funny

- you also kinda felt bad for kuroo because damn his friends had like no faith in his romantic skills at all??

- maybe that was what made you say it, but after his friends were done teasing him you said, “he’s kind of a catch though, don’t you think? nerdy and funny is a girl’s dream isn’t that what they say?”

- kuroo blinked at you because what??

- once kuroo got you alone by asking you to take a walk outside of the gym, he asked, “so … what does this make us?” (surprise, surprise, he never got the chance to tell them about the misunderstanding)

- you just shrugged because really how bad could this be? “i felt bad at how much they were teasing you, so we could keep up the fake boyfriend/girlfriend thing for the week. it shouldn’t be too bad. plus it’ll save you the embarrassment of having to tell your friends that you didn’t actually get a girlfriend.”

- you guys did pretty good for the week of the training camp

- you’d cheer him on in secret if he got a spike or a block during a practice game while simultaneously still watching shinzen’s game

- you two walked around the halls when bokuto was watching just to keep up pretenses

- you learned that he’s a major nerd during these walks, which you found really endearing

- on the last day of camp, he tried to throw pieces of broccoli in your mouth (he didn’t stop until he finally got it in after his 9th try)

- you guys initially planned to “break up” after the camp was over

- but here comes bokuto again

- “hey y/n! kuroo, akaashi, and i were gonna go out for karaoke tomorrow if you wanna join.”

- you grew to like bokuto too so you said you’d come

- it was actually a really fun night

- you and kuroo sang a duet together

- he also stole some of your ramen

- you took a video of bokuto as he serenaded akaashi

- when you guys are leaving to go home, bokuto goes “you two are so cute. y/n do me a favor and don’t break up with kuroo until after the qualifiers would you? i wanna play him at his full game.” (again. seriously, he basically is the greatest accidental wingman ever)

- “we can’t break his heart, can we?”

- “no, we can’t.”

- and so your fake relationship starts

- you don’t get to visit each other often because you don’t live in the same vicinity, but you guys text often (it’s a friend thing, you both swear to yourselves)

- on weekends when kuroo’s not spending time with kenma, he’ll ask you to meet him at a park or a cafe (you two always send selfies to bokuto during every date)

- dates with him are always really fun because he’s spontaneous and also very active so sometimes he’ll take you by the hand and just drag you places

- he is not afraid to smear different colors of ice cream on your nose and call you some obscure name from some really old movie that he may have watched that week

- he also makes you push him on the swings

- the little kids get mad because what is this rooster man doing taking up a swing when he’s so old

- you laugh at him when the kids eventually come up to him and ask if they can use the swing

- dates will usually last the whole day because you’re both fine with just walking around and randomly finding stuff to do

- with all that time spent talking, you two also get to know each other really well

- like basically your life stories

- it took him a while to open up and at first he insists that you tell your story first, but after a while you notice how he starts letting little things about his life slip here and there until he starts telling you bigger portions

- you also get really close with kenma

- not close close the way him and kuroo are, but kenma would probably see you as his second closest friend

- that’s why sometimes kenma tags along with you guys (it doesn’t feel like third wheeling or anything because both you and kuroo enjoy kenma’s presence as much as each other’s)

- eventually, once you two got the hang of it, you’re like the couple that everyone likes

- because you’re both pretty funny and overall just have nice vibes

- his team starts to call you mom and dad as a joke because sometimes when shinzen doesn’t have practice, you’ll stop by at nekoma at the end of practice just to say hi

- they’re not wrong about the mom and dad thing though (it’s a really cute dynamic though i swear)

- your team used to not like him at first because they were protective of you, but eventually they reluctantly warmed up to him

- they threatened to demolish him if he hurt you though

- LMAO ANYWAYS .. MOVING ON

- you guys have lots of study dates too!!

- since you’re both busy because of volleyball related things, a lot of your schedule lines up with each other (this also means that kuroo knows when you haven’t had time to study)

- you’ll be sitting on his bed on your stomach with your legs draped across his thighs as you read your textbook and he’ll be sitting against his bed frame reading one of his assigned readings (i also like to think that kuroo has glasses for these readings that only you and kenma have seen)

- sometimes, when you finish studying before he finishes, you’ll come up behind him and just start to play with his hair

- his hair is actually really soft despite looking like a bird built its nest in it

- you also have two of his jackets that are just lying around your house

- he likes when you wear them because he thinks you look so cute (he doesn’t tell you that though)

- after a while, it’s like both of you have forgotten that this was all a ruse just so bokuto wouldn’t get heartbroken after you two break up

- at this point, kuroo has learned all your quirks, habits, and has also memorized your schedule

- like … he doesn’t realize that he’s fallen for you until someone points it out

- he realizes he’s fallen for you on the day that shinzen loses in the tournament (this would be your last match)

- now nekoma just played a game, but kuroo’s first instinct is to check whether or not shinzen won (he’s been doing this for every game in the tournament)

- when he sees that you lost, he knows that you’ll be sad and in need of a pick me up

- as kenma and him are packing up, he says, “shinzen lost today. i probably can’t make it to your house tonight. y/n will probably want to go out with her team for a bit, but she’ll probably crash at my place. do you think i should make her a strawberry cake? or maybe she’ll want onigiri? no, she’ll probably want the cake. she always gets the little smile with her one dimple whenever she eats my strawberry cake. makes me proud.”

- kenma’s just looking at kuroo with arched eyebrows because HIS BEST FRIEND IS WHIPPED

- kuroo doesn’t get why kenma’s looking at him like that because he thinks about things like that all the time. “what??”

- oh kenma knows your relationship is fake

- so he just looks at kuroo and says, “try to refrain getting down on one knee today. i doubt you have a ring, and i’ll bet that y/n will want a confession of you being hopelessly, madly in love with her before you propose by the way.”

- kuroo kind of freezes and blinks at him.

- “wh … what?”

- “kuro, do i really need to spell out for you that you’re totally smitten with her? you have been for a while now.”

- “have not.”

- “yes, you have.”

- “have not.”

- “yes, you have.”

- “have not.”

- “yes, you have.”

- at this point, kuroo knows that kenma’s onto something, but kuroo doesn’t wanna jump to conclusions until he sees you again

- when you knock on his door and run straight into his arms that night, he knows kenma’s right

- like you’re balling into his chest and he gets that feeling that he wants to hold you forever and never let go

- and he knows. he knows.

- after you start to calm down, he offers you the cake that he made just for you

- he swears that he feels ten times lighter after he sees that exact smile with the exact dimple on your face

- now kuroo may be loud, and rambunctious at times, but when he loves, it’s quiet, simple, but not any less there

- as you finish eating the cake, kuroo notices that there’s a few pink crumbs on your lips

- and he kisses you

- like a “slow, hand on the cheek, nose touching after he pulls away” kind of kiss

- “i made a realization today. kenma told me to hold back on proposing, so i’ll go with confessing instead.”

- you’re looking up at him with your heart beating hard in your chest

- “i think you might’ve made me fall in love with you.”

sorry if there are any mistakes lmao i tried catching all of them but ... 6k words ...... yanno. .....

[boobchuy]

here is the ramble that made me hit tag limit for the first time in the entire *checks calendar* five??? years??? ive been on this hellsite??? they are doing things to my mind.

thinking abt sashanne tonight but honestly has it ever even stopped since commander anne dropped. they are sooooooo skrunklies. little losers.

like ive also been leaning into the popular characterization of anne being mad at sasha and the latter being a loser and just them being idiots and having drama in general. but like sometimes i think abt how these two genuinely care abt each other.

laugh about their first reunion in amphibia all u want, but in the lens of being a teenager/13 (more or less 15 but u get my point) even though its silly its what makes it genuine and theyre happy to see each other again and they dont try to hide that happiness at all!!! like they are literally kids. and they do care for one another!

in the future these reunions no longer have that kind of enthusiasm. theyre more. subdued. anne was suspicious as hell in the second time but the third time had her running into sashas arms once more!!! and thats what i kinda want to psychoanalyze rn like.... anne def deserves to go apeshit and she HAS multiple times and though it would have been nice and awesome to see her still hold some kind of visible grudge/anger towards sasha, theres just something very sweet to me abt how anne will literally just.forgive the people she cares about time and time again.

like, we all know it bites her back in the ass and yeah maybe its not really her intention to be so forgiving in the sense that everyone deserves a second chance and that shes ACTIVELY trying to spread kindness and love all around- to repeat what i said earlier, she is just a kid. yet shes still someone who wants whats best for everyone and would rather have everything be okay rather than dwell on the past. what shes mostly doing is just focusing on another goal in mind, like what mr matt braly said himself, that for the first time in the entire show, she actually has a mission! going back home was more so in the background and wasnt that urgent in previous seasons, and this new one, about saving her friends and defeating andrias, is whats giving her the drive to finish a job, for better or worse.

and in the end of it all, im wondering if she’s ever given herself the space to breathe and process what she’s feeling about all this. i wonder if she’s even stopped to consider that it’s something that she should do! i feel like... annes the type of person to brush off her own emotions and dwell on them by her lonesome unless someone pries, and even then, i dont think it clicks in her head that its important to talk about these things, and not in the way that they dont matter (though if u REALLY want to delve into that then yeah maybe theres a bit of her thinking it isnt important), but i guess... that everything else that is happening, should be the things that are being given attention

sorry for rambling abt annie b when i said this was about sashanne akjdhfkf let me get onto that...

SO. you know that popular surge of angst art of anne being mad at sasha (THOSE WERE SO TASTY BTW. SASHANNE WAS AT AN ALL TIME HIGH). and instead of that we just had anne instantly running to hug sasha!!!!! AND THIS PART. THIS TINY ALMOST UNNOTICEABLE PART THAT I ONLY CAUGHT ON MY REWATCH, THAT LINE. AFTER ANNE CALLS OUT HIS NAME AND HUGS HIM.

“You’re alive!”

THAT IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. this makes me go crazy. the fucking implications. how many nights has this girl spent dreading if her friends are still alive. if she thought that sasha was... in danger, and w her saying in the new normal that she knows marcy, the one she WATCHED get stabbed in front of her eyes, is alive. that she has to be. i just. just how much are you keeping to urself. keeping from EVERYONE.

to go along w me saying that she's not really processed enough about everything that's happened where she has recognized the... issues that comes w being betrayed like three times in one day, I like to believe that... w the few times she's maybe thought abt sashas betrayal, that once she saw him on wartwood that day, all pretense of negativity and hurt were swept away with the relief that he's here and safe and alive. and I think, w that massive burden on the shoulders w having to save two friends, and seeing one of them accounted for, I think she desperately wants to hold onto that bit of happiness and positivity. and why she's so quick to want to believe that sasha has changed for the better

then we go to the part where she accuses sasha of manipulating her again. and we all knew at some point that a moment like that was coming from a mile away, but what really made me lose it was when alex posted the board version. where she’s literally fucking tearing up as she’s saying these things. bc she hates having to admit them, when she missed sasha so much, worried for his well-being, and to think for a second that she was just being fooled again hurt.

so with sasha’s outburst came with another relief, to believe that sasha has changed for the better, with how much she helped wartwood and the resistance. and her to scrape away past hurt w being betrayed, and just. be friends with sasha again.

to add more onto... less serious musings and more headcanon territory lol, with me being an advocate of oblivious and dense anne, i like to think that anne just. loves to cling onto the idea of sasha, both literally and figuratively. like, she wants things to be okay again, and sometimes it just feels surreal to know that sasha’s actually here, and she doesnt have any kind of bad intentions, and that these feelings manifest into her being affectionate as hell

commander anne showed her being the one initiating all these hugs, the second one having her being so excited at the prospect of their relationship being changed for the better that she fucking squealed. this girl, i stg aksdjfhk. but yeah, i like to think that she becomes way more touchy w sasha, whether w hand-holding, hugs or just generally being near sasha’s vicinity. im thinking that these actions dont necessarily register in her head, like she just does them, bc it makes her happy and sasha hasnt told her to stop even if he does still freeze from time to time whenever she does it so... yep :)