#thots et al

[stephaniedola]

i literally cannot explain these two to people who don't watch this show

[stephaniedola]

so i've been thinking about my genderfluid/bigender identity and my upcoming appointment for gender affirming care, and something occurred to me that i felt like is worth sharing

i have PCOS. my body produces naturally high levels of testosterone. i never knew i was intersex until i was 23, but it made a lot of stuff make sense from my adolescence. the irregular periods, the deep voice, the way my body developed during puberty. when i was 18 i went on hormonal birth control, so i never had to confront this reality as an adult until i went off it.

it was amazing at first. i didn't tell anyone until i had to, because i liked what it was doing to my body. but, after 6 months of amenorrhea i started getting really bad daily ovarian cramps. at this point, i knew before they told me that i had PCOS. i had to do something, i just didn't know what.

i went back on hormonal birth control after getting my PCOS diagnosis. i never wanted to, but the gynecologist framed it as the only option for treatment. the only way to lessen those pesky "androgenizing effects" and the cramps i was getting. i was trying yet another new type, an extended cycle estrogen based pill, in a desperate attempt to lessen the pain of almost every stage of my menstrual cycle, but hormonal birth control was always a necessary evil for me.

every day since then i have gotten more and more tired and unsettled in my own body. i've always been a man, but i have never felt so uncomfortable as a woman as i have been since realizing what my body is capable of, and yet still making the choice to "feminize" myself with hormones.

then, it hit me. getting my testosterone levels sorted out to a level that makes me comfortable and not dysphoric isn't just about my identity as a trans man. it's about my identity as an intersex woman.

i want to be a woman with natural testosterone. the kind that my body produces. and that's okay!

it's complicated. all identity is. but putting a name to this feeling has really helped me, and if you're intersex/nonbinary and struggling with your feelings about hormones, i hope it helps you too

[stephaniedola]

[stephaniedola]

ask me questions about millipedes

[stephaniedola]

hatoful fans will be like "wanna see my new OC" and then its this

[stephaniedola]

literally the OT3 of all time tbh

[stephaniedola]

my adhd ass is always like 'im gonna be productive on saturday' and then saturday happens and i have fully transformed into a potato

[stephaniedola]

sometimes it pays to live a life of crime. but at what cost?

[stephaniedola]

thoughts on OFMD 2 (scroll past for no spoilers)

the way they just casually killed off ivan offscreen??? STOP

swede X jackie is endgame

EDWARD!!! EDWARD!!!!! EDWAAAAARD

"okay i love this random soup bitch" ... "OH"

POST-CREDITS SCENE?????

LIVING for dark traumatized edgelord luci who chainsmokes (they really had me thinking he was actually dead)

buttons is becoming a warg?>??

FUKC YOU TO THAT GUY WHO TOLD ME MY IZZY WAS OOC CUZ HE "WOULD NEVER DIE FOR ED" this mf was left for dead as a direct result of his toxic codependency!!!!!

the fucking inhuman sounds i made at "im curious... you think I wouldn't know the smell of my rotting former first mate?" and "YOU INDESTRUCTIBLE LITTLE FUCKER"

amputee izzy!!! AMPUTEE IZZY!!!!!

EDS TRAUMA AT THE HANDS OF CAPTAIN HORNIGOLD IS DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS ACTIONS TOWARDS IZZY AT THE END OF S1!!!

tl;dr: WE ARE WINNING

[stephaniedola]

one of these days jerry is gonna fuck rick and its gonna fuck up his marriage to beth(s) all over again

[stephaniedola]

imagine being con o'neill, beloved English theatre actor, and all of a sudden tumblrinas around the globe are watching every piece of film media you've ever been in since 1985 and talking about how fuckable you are

[stephaniedola]

why are we collectively sleeping on this scene

[stephaniedola]

its 2024 and homestuck never fuckin dies

[stephaniedola]

deep sigh.

first day back from montreal and i already miss it uuuuuuuggghhhh

[stephaniedola]

yes, you have to pick one

reblog for larger s [i am shot by secret police]

[stephaniedola]

found my favorite post again, etc