#thou fanfiction

[romanarose]

About a Girl: Chapter 1

Beautiful header by my beloved @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

Joel Miller x Trans!Fem!Reader (Nickname, Blue)

Series Masterlist : The Last of Us Masterlist : Full Masterlist

Summary: Joel is a simple man. He goes to work, he takes care of his kindergarten age daughter, he tries to make sure Tommy doesn't die and occasionally Tess comes over. He works on Frank and Bill's farm with Tommy, Tess, and another coworker, Max. For his birthday, Tommy drags Joel out to a local grunge band's show, music he knows Joel hates. Joel is surprised to find Tess's girlfriends best friend, a girl they all call Blue because of the blue in her hair, has caught his attention.

What he doesn't know is she is trans. When he finds out, he's very confused, not because he judges her, but because he's not sure what it means for him. Does it make him gay? What does trans even mean? He's very confused. Still, despite all the confusion Joel has an open mind and he just knows that he has a lot of feelings for you and he wants to try. Joel goes on a journey of learning, not only what your trans identity means but also how to take care of himself, how to set boundaries, and learning he doesn't need carry the whole world on his shoulders.

Joel loves country, is as yeehaw as they come. Blue loves grunge, and looking as edgy as she can get by as a school teacher. Can you and Joel make it all work with the one thing that bonds them both together; flannel?

Warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter: 18+ ONLY!! I cannot warn against everything, but these are major themes. Joel is a lil ignorant but not out of hate. He just doesn't know. He's trying his best. There will be smut. Penetrative sex, all of the anal play, oral. There will be transphobia from other people. Addiction and alcoholism. QUICK child neglect not by Joel but I promise, Sarah is fine and is having a great time in life. Fetishization of women attracted to women by a shitty guy. Will update as needed. Again, this is adult content. Expect adult content.

Immersivity: Reader is transgender, AMAB female, reader has had gotten bottom surgery, not top, and is on hormones. reader has visible hair and a blue streak in hair, but not described. Could be braids, could be natural hair, whatever. Header is for aesthetics only. Reader is about Joel and Tommy's height. Let me know if i miss anything!

A/N: I am not a trans woman, but I am trans. I am doing my best research! If I got something wrong or accidentally say something offensive, please tell me! Same with Sarah's hair. I learned a LOT about black hair care from living with my black roommate for 2 years, and watching a lot of youtube. Again, if im incorrect or offensive, let me know and ill correct! I just want Joel to care about his daughters hair <3

TRANS LIVES MATTER! TRANS YOUTH MATTER! TRANS ELDERLY MATTER! TRANS WOMEN MATTER! TRANS MEN MATTER! NON BINARY TRANS MATTER!

It all started with Tommy, as most adventures do. Joel was certain Tommy would make sure to mention that fact during his best man speech.

“You have got to get out more. You’re making me stir crazy just watching you sit at home.”

Joel rolled his eyes, packing Sarah’s lunch. He was happy to throw in some plums, Sarah’s favorite fruit, that he got from the food pantry. Since Sarah started kindergarten and he didn’t have to pay for nearly as much childcare, things had gotten less horrifically tight financially but now he was playing catch up. Catching pneumonia last winter had drained his little savings with an ER visit. Joel desperately wanted to not rely on charity, but he also didn’t want Sarah to go without. 

“How would you know, you’re never even home.” Since getting out of the army, Tommy has not adjusted well. Joel was happy to let him live in the house he built for his ex-fiance on his parents land they gifted when Sarah was born. Tommy was a help with Sarah and was good company when he wasn’t out partying.

“Hey.” Tommy looked a little offended. “I’m here plenty. Just ask Sarah.” Sarah adored her uncle.

Joel sighed. “You’re right.” He wasn’t. “But I ain’t going. I can’t afford that, and I’d like to spend my days off with Sarah.”

Tommy tossed a cosmic brownie from the box he bought into Sarah’s lunchbox. “Come oooooon. Sarah loves the babysitter, and one night out won’t traumatize her forever. I’ll pay for the sitter, I already got tickets and I’ll even cover your drinks.”

Joel would rather the money go towards Sarah’s next dental appointment, but he couldn’t tell Tommy where to spend his money, and he knew there was no saying no to his brother when he gets like this. “How many bands are playing? I ain’t sitting through three openers, Tom.”

“Just one! You’re coming!” Tommy ran out of the kitchen and took the stairs two at a time before Joel could protest. “Sarah! Guess who gets to hang out with Jessica tonight!” Joel could hear the sound of springs bouncing as Sarah cheered and called out if the bed breaks, Tommy’s fixing it.

After getting Sarah dressed, he sat her down on a chair in the kitchen and looked at the clock. “Only got time for a ponytail, baby girl.” Joel had figured out some simple hair care for thick hair he wasn’t quite equipped to work with. Before Sarah was born, he didn’t know how to do a single braid. Joel had practiced a little before Tommy had to chop off his hippie curls for the army but he still was lost in a lot of ways. 2 years ago, Joel must’ve looked particularly lost in the ethnic hair aisle with Sarah in the cart and a kind woman guided him to some hair gel, argan oil, and an edge brush, scribbling a few instructions on some scratch paper. That’s what's gotten him through this far. Joel kept thinking he needed to reach out somewhere or maybe find a book… but with what time? 

Kayla, Sarah’s mom, wasn’t much help either. Kayla was mixed and absolutely inherited the polish side as far as hair, where Sarah got her late grandma’s genes. Kayla wanted to chemically straighten Sarah’s beautiful curls last year when she had her over Easter, but Joel put his foot down. When she was older, if she wanted to do whatever she wanted with her hair, braids, relaxed, wigs, she could but there was no way he was letting all those chemicals into a 4 year olds head just to make it “easier.” Joel could handle it.

She looked cute with her little puffball on the top of her head, anyway. 

“TOMMY! LETS GO!” Why was Tommy harder to get out the door than Sarah was?

Little hands tugged at his shirt. “Daddy I want coffee.” 

“No baby”

“Why?”

“It’s not good for little kids.”

“Uncle Tommy lets me have coffee.”

Joel sighed loudly. “Of course he did. Well, Sarah, that’s an uncle thing, I don’t know what to tell you. TOMMYYY!”

Tommy’s heavy footsteps clomped down the steps, dashing out the door. “Come one Jojo, whatcha wait’n for?”

*

How did little kids have so much energy in the morning? Tommy included. Sarah was chatty as ever on her way, talking excitedly about the eggs in the classroom's incubator. He tried to pay attention, he really did, but he was busy trying to figure out what bills he still owes. It was only September, one month into not having to pay out the ass for Sarah’s daycare. Was he even gonna be able to catch up at all before the summer comes? Her mom said she wanted to take her for the summer, but she was single right now and slightly more involved. When she finds a new man, she suddenly becomes much less interested in her child. Joel didn’t want Sarah around strange men all the time either.

“Daddy? Daddy? Daddy? Daddy?”

Tommy nudged Joel, calling him name for Sarah’s attention.

“What?” Joel said, not unkindly but perhaps a little too harsh than he wanted to speak around his daughter. 

“Happy birthday daddy.”

Joel closed his eyes briefly, wincing at his prior tone. “Thank you baby. I’ll bring home a cake, how about that.” He felt like he could cry, snapping at his sweet girl for trying to wish him happy birthday. He was so bad at this.

Both children in the car cheered.

Joel dropped Sarah off with several kisses on her forehead, then ran off to the truck. He might just be on time if he speeds a bit. He didn’t speed with Sarah in the truck, he was less careful with Tommy. 

“Just in time!” Tess’s voice greeted them in the farm house. “You guys eat?”

She knew the answer. Sarah’s kindergarten had a free breakfast program, leaving Joel and Tommy on their own and god knows they didn’t take proper care of themselves. Luckily, they had great bosses.

Joel, Tommy, and Tess all worked for Bill and Frank on their farm. Joel had stumbled on this job shortly after Kayla left and God, what a blessing. Bill and Frank had trouble finding help being the only gay farmers on the planet to felt like, but Joel wasn’t really in a position to deny a good paying job, not in this economy, not with a baby who barely had a mom around anymore. This was before Tommy came back from the army, and Joel’s parents dead a few years prior. He was alone.

That’s where he met Tess. She was something else. A woman working as a farm hand alone was surprising enough, but she was the first openly bisexual person Joel had met. Hell, she was the only the third gay person he knew of and the first woman. He’d lived a sheltered life. Still, Joel didn’t really see an issue with none of it. Wasn’t his business what two grown adults did, that was his thought on the matter. Not that he really had enough time to have thoughts on much of anything other than keeping Sarah and Tommy alive. When Tommy came back, he started working on the farm too.

Tess slid the men some pancakes, stating she knew it and went ahead and made extra.

Frank entered the room with something in his hand. “Wait!” He placed the item, which Joel saw was a candle on the the pancake.

“Oh, no, you guys don’t gotta-”

“Shut the hell up, Miller.” Bill entered the room with a pack of cigarettes in one hand and a lighter in the other. He lit the candle, and then a cigarette. 

Frank took it out of his hand, putting it out under the sink. “If you absolutely must smoke, you’re not smoking inside our home.” He then turned back to Joel. “Happy birthday, Joel.” The forth employee, Max, enters the farmhouse and then embarrassingly, Franks leads everyone (except Bill) in a very shitty rendition of happy birthday.

*

“Hey,” Tess nudged Joel as she attempted to fix the clutch without calling Bill up. “You coming tonight?”

Joel rolled his eyes. “Yeah, Tommy convinced me. He also told Sarah it’s my birthday so now I gotta bring home cake and do a bit of the birthday thing with her. I was hoping to avoid it another year.”

She laughed at that. “Ah come on! It can’t be that bad.”

“She’s not, it’s my birthday that is.” 

“I know.” Tess patted his back.

Joel and her worked in silence for a moment, but he figured this was as good a time as any. “Hey uh… so. You and Tommy.”

Tess smirked, but didn’t look at him. “What about my dear friend?”

“Well uh, that’s just it…” Joel cleared his troat, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s just, you guys been spending a lot of time together, and I’m just… well you know he’s at tough spot right now…-”

“When isn’t he?”

“Right. Well. I’m just wondering… Well.”

With a chuckle, she put down the wrench and turned to look at Joel with a smile. “You’re wondering if Tommy and I are an item.”

Cringing hard enough his eyes were closed, Joel nods.

“Don’t worry about your baby brother, he can handle himself.”

“Can he?”

“Joel. Look at me.”

Joel forced his eyes open.

“Tommy and I fuck sometimes to blow off steam, don’t act you’re much different.”

“It was one time!”

“It was 4 times, glad to know that I’m that forgettable.” Tess continued with her teasing before Joel could protest. “Listen, I know you’re worried about him, but Tommy and I aren’t interested in dating each other. It’s just for fun sometimes. Tommy puts up a tough front but I’d eat that boy alive.”

Finally, Joel laughed. Yes, she would.

Tess went back to work. “Besides, you’re meeting my new girlfriend tonight, birthday boy.”

*

Joel was exhausted, washing his hands and forearms and face before leaving to get Sarah. He tried to stay as clean as possible for Sarah. She didn’t need to know how hard he worked for her.

“Hey Joel, I get to watch Sarah this fall don’t I?” Frank asked as he sauntered into the kitchen. 

Joel tried to protest, as he did every year, but it was merely a formality to be polite. He couldn’t afford childcare in the late hours it took to get harvest done. Hopefully it wouldn’t be so bad now that Max was hired on, he didn’t see Sarah hardly at all harvest. Joel would come back to the farmhouse to find Sarah asleep on the couch with Frank, who was no help with farming. He handled the finances and paperwork, and functioned as a babysitter in pinches. Joel was forever indebted to the couple, inclduding Bill despite his facade of toughness.

“Nonsense Joel. I look forward to seeing her every time.” Sarah fucking loved Frank. He was teaching her painting and how to have a proper tea party, real tea and all. But with a lot of sugar. 

Speaking earnestly, Joel tried to express his appreciation. “Thanks, Frank. I appreciate it. I couldn’t do this without you.”

Frank clapped Joel on the shoulders, sliding him a card. “Thank you for everything you do. We really value you. I know Bill doesn’t say it much, or at all, but we appreciate you here.” He walked off, knowing Joel would protest the $500 cash inside the card.

*

“Daddy! Daddy! I made a friend!” Sarah exclaimed excitedly, running up to her father still covered in her paint smock that quickly transferred the red and blue onto Joel’s jeans.

“Is that so? Who is it?”

Sarah pointed to a little brunette girl sitting in time out. “That’s Ellie! She’s in trouble because she pretended a block was a gun.”

“Oh.”

*

At home, Joel went through the evening routine with Sarah, Tommy having gone with Tess to pre-game. He fed her as much of the macaroni she’d eat, bathed her and made sure to make things as easy for the sitter as possible. When Jessica came over, a nice local teenager that was great with Sarah, he briefed her as he tried to clean up the kitchen. 

“Daddy? Where’s the cake.”

Goddammit of course he forgot something. He just can’t do anything right, can he? He was a shitty dad, a shitty brother, a shitty boyfriend, a needy employee-

“Where's the birthday boy!” Tommy burst in, followed by a group of people, some he knew, some he didn’t. With him was Tess carrying a cake.

“TESS!!!!!!” Sarah shouted, but went more for the cake she carried.

“Hiya, love bug!” She patted her ponytail. “Ready to sing happy birthday at the top of your lungs?”

Hadn’t she had enough happy birthdays? She must’ve known he’d forget the cake. They hadn’t been pregaming at all, they were making him a cake.

Tess hands the cake to Tommy, then gestures to the women next to her. Dark skinned, tall, her hair in… locks? Were those called locks? He was cooked. He needs to learn hair. “This is Talia, my girlfriend.”

Talia smiled brightly, extended a hand which Joel shook. “So nice to meet you, Mr. Miller. Tess talks a lot about you Tommy and Max, it’s nice to put faces to the names.”

“Please, Joel is fine. I may ache like an old man, but I’m not one yet.” Joel joked with a soft but tired smile. He turned to tess. “Max coming?”

“Yup.” She shot him a look to be nice. Joel wasn’t fond of max. Good worker, shit head of a person. Joel knew he couldn’t really blame all Tommy’s shit on bad influences, but Max didn’t help. “And this,” She gestured over to another woman who he had just been too flustered to notice until now. “Is Talia’s best friend.”

You were absolutely fucking stunning, unlike anyting he’d ever seen in his life. Tight white tank top, tight leather pants and a leather jacket. In your hair was a streak of vibrant blue. Your eyes connected with his and for a moment, he forgot about all the other people in the room. 

“Oh, um, hello,” Joel shook your hand when he snapped out of it, repeating your name.

You smile at him. “Actually, most people just call me Blue.”

A small voice from Joel’s hip. “Is that because of your hair? Why is it blue? Are you sick?”

“Sarah! Don’t be rude.”

Chuckling brightly, you promise it’s okay and crouch down to Sarah’s eye level. “I’m not sick. I actually dye it like that.”

“But why?”

Internally, Joel groaned, thinking you’d take offense at the line of questions Sarah’s certainly had ready, but you just answered. “Well, I think it makes me look pretty, just you’re cute hair style makes you look pretty.”

Sarah lit up at that. “My daddy did it!!!”

“He did? That’s so awesome! You have such a nice daddy.”

Sarah nodded in avid agreement. “He’s the BEST!”

Joel couldn’t help smiling at that. He always felt like he was failing her, but she loved him regardless. “I can’t do a lot, but I’m trying to learn. I can do a mean ponytail.” Joel caught Tommy smirking at him.

Once the babysitter took Sarah to wash up for cake, Talia quietly spoke to Joel, still attached to Tess's arm. “Tess told me her mom isn’t really involved. I’d love to help you learn how to care for black hair.”

Joel felt his heart drop. “Oh shit, does it look terrible? I really tried but I don’t even know where to go and-”

Talia cut him off with a laugh and a hand up. “No, not at all! It looks very healthy. I just mean if you’d like to learn how to do more, especially as it gets longer.”

Always embarrassed to ask for help, he always swallowed his pride for Sarah. “Yeah, yeah actually I’d really like that… I’ll play yuh, don’t worry I wouldn’t make you do it for free-”

She attempted to say he didn’t need to pay, but Tess told her it was useless to try and fight. Joel figured the bonus from Bill and Frank could pay for Sarah’s dentist cleaning and the rest he could pay Talia. 

After a terrible happy birthday and saying goodbye to Sarah longer than really necessary, Joel was dragged out of the house to go to some shitty local grunge bands show for his birthday.

Joel fucking hated his birthday.

Thank you thank you thank you!!!!! I can't beleive people actually wanted to read this!!! We need more trans rep in this fandom <3

First chapter setting things up, then one chapter per week for 6 weeks for my Oscar/Pedro pride event!!! each chapter 2-7 will follow themes of the week until the happy end <3

MEET THE OC'S

Talia Monroe

Tess's girlfriend, Blue's bestfriend. Talia is joyfriend and high energy. She offers to help Joel learn black hair to properly care for Sarah.

Max Waltz

Works on the farm with Joel, Tommy, and Tess. Tommy likes him, Joel hates him, Tess ears towards liking him but tries to keep him in check. Max is a generally barzen man, hates his wife, is loud and annoying to Joel.

Kayla Carter

*no face claim right now*

Joel's high school sweetheart and ex-fiance, Sarah's mom. Kayla is in an out of sarah's life, lives out of town and is only around when its convinient, leaving Joel with alone.

I don't do tag lists for one shots but I do still for series so

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KISSES

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@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @ashleyfilm @bumblepony @snnyc @casa-boiardi @del-ightfulling @joelsoftie

[veesbees]

The Edge of Everything ¹ The Last Of Us  season one

Summary:

Penelope was born into an already dead and bare world. Her parents only stuck around for about five years, before ditching her and leaving. For the past nine years, Penelope's been living alone, fending for herself in the Boston QZ. One day, she finds a hidden radio where her long-gone mother tells her that she needs to go with the Fireflies without any explanation.

For those long nine years, Penelope had thought her parents were dead. So being told by her supposed mother that she needs to be with the Fireflies was surely a surprise. On top of that, being completely disregarded by Marlene, the head of the Fireflies, and handed to two grumpy people to be smuggled out of the QZ? Not Penelope's cup of tea. But as their adventure goes on, with a protector, Joel, a jokester, Ellie, and Penelope silently observing the two, Penelope doesn't think that that'll be so bad...

In which Joel gets two daughters in the end.

☁︎ third chapter in ‘the edge of everything’

☁︎ episode two of the last of us !!! so that'll mean Tess is leaving us, sadly :(

☁︎ word count: 15,076

three ; Infected

Penelope was laying on the grass-covered ground. Using her father’s coat as a blanket, draped across her body. Her backpack was being used as a pillow, with her oxygen tanks taken out of the bag to be comfier. She was asleep, unaware of the world. 

Penelope fell right asleep the night before. Completely exhausted from the adrenaline and excitement the night before.  Ellie, on the other hand, did not fall asleep right away the night before. It took hours of her tossing and turning before sleep consumed the girl. 

The two adults of the group stayed awake the whole night, watching over Ellie. Waiting for her to turn. But as the sunlight came through the hole in the ceiling, displaying the warm heat like a nice blanket over Ellie, they saw no sign the child was turning.

Penelope stirred, extending out of her curled-up position. She groggily looked around, her eyes full of sleepiness. She let out a big yawn, stretching her back. As Penelope sat up, her father’s coat fell off her body. She observed her soundings, finding a bunch of red seats and pictures all over the walls. She glanced over to find Ellie groggily getting up just like she did moments ago. 

Ellie situated herself, taking in her soundings before pocketing her switchblade. She turned her buddy around swiftly after hearing the floorboards creaking. Ellie tries to stand up, but Joel picks up his gun, aiming it at Ellie. Greeting the two adults in the room with their guns pointed at her. “Morning.”

Ellie sits down with her eyes raised. “Do I look like I’m infected?”

“Show us your arm,” Joel demands the girl. 

Ellie rolls up her sweatshirt and her coat, showing her infected bite. Penelope inches closer to the girl, trying to get a better look. Joel quickly aims his gun at Penelope. She stops in her tracks. Afraid he would shoot her too. 

“Yeah, it’s not getting any worse, is it?” Ellie quips back to the older man, yanking her sleeve down. Tess leans forward to get a better look, and Joel’s brows furrow into a hard expression. Joel looks away from the younger girls obviously not seeing anything change in Ellie’s mark. 

“If we’re out in the open city why aren’t we getting swarmed?” Ellie questioned the adults.

“Don’t worry about that.” Joel’s voice came across as stern. 

“Well, I’m gonna .” Ellie snapped back to the older man. 

Penelope started to pack up her oxygen tanks into her backpack. She shrugged on her father’s coat, the cold air nipping at her body. 

“What was Marlene doing with an infected kid?” Tess' voice came from the other side of the room. She had her hands in her pockets and a hard expression on her face. 

“I’m not infected.” Ellie insisted. “She found me after I was bitten.”

“And she didn’t shoot you,” Joel stated.

“ Clearly not.” Ellie’s next sentence was fast, it was hard for Penelope to understand what Ellie was saying. “She locked me up and had her guys test me every day to see if I was getting sick.”

“Test you how?”

Ellie ignored the question. “I have to pee.”

“Test you… how ?” Tess demanded the child, tired of her crap.

Ellie sighed and rolled her eyes in annoyance. “They’d make me count to 10 and hold out my hand and then keep it steady.” She paused to look at Penelope who was tugging her father’s coat closer to her body. “But, you know, I think what really impressed them was the fact that I didn’t turn into a fucking monster. Now can I please?” 

As Ellie got up out of her criss-cross-apple-sauce position, Joel got up too. A lot slower than Ellie, but in a threatening manner. 

“Tess?” Penelope called from the corner of the room. Tess tore her eyes from Ellie to look at Penelope. “Can I go too?” 

Ellie held her arms up in a weak mock surrender to the two adults, waiting to be approved to relieve herself. Tess still had a hard look on her face.  

“Fine,” Tess said begrudgingly. “Back there. You can find a spot.” 

Penelope grew out of her sitting position, picking up her oxygen tank. The two young girls walked towards the room in the back corner. They were stopped by Tess throwing a magazine toward them. “Here. Tear out a few pages.” 

Penelope reached down to the ground picking up the discarded magazine. She held it to Ellie to use first, continuing towards the room.

“There's not gonna be anything bad in here?” Ellie called over her shoulder to the two adults.

Joel replied to Ellie. “Just you.”

Ellie scoffed, “Oh, funny.”

The two girls entered the room. Ellie found a bathroom stall just behind the door. She used it first. Penelope waited patiently, once Ellie was finished, Penelope went. She did her business, tearing out a page or two out of the magazine. Once the two girls finished, they walked out of the room.

Ellie stalks out of the room, Penelope following closely behind her. Once Ellie reaches her bag, she throws the rolled-up magazine to Tess and Joel. Penelope rolls her eyes, she makes her way back to where she slept the night before, sitting down for a moment. As Penelope settles into her spot, she shoves her two oxygen tanks into her backpack with some difficulty. 

As Ellie sat down in her spot, Tess reached into her backpack. “You hungry? You can share some of ours.” 

Penelope shakes her head. “Thank you, but I have my own.” Penelope reached into her backpack grabbing out the stale bread she had packed.

While Ellie replies, “Thanks. Marlene sent me with my own.” Ellie reaches into her backpack to grab some sort of sandwich. Penelope watches Ellie, her mouth-watering a tiny bit. She looks back to her stale and moldy bread, eyes wandering from her food to Ellie’s.

The group sits in silence, eating. Mostly looking at Ellie’s food in hunger. 

Tess finally speaks up. “Is that chicken?”

“Yep,” Ellie replies happily, taking another big bite. “Marlene said they got it from smugglers. Guess not you guys.” Ellie said slowly. 

Penelope let out a small laugh, even though she was annoyed that Ellie of all people got fresh food that didn’t taste like absolute shit. 

Tess dropped her dried and stale beef jerky. It fell with a dull thud as Tess put her hands on her legs and got up. She stalked over to Ellie, Joel abandoning his food just as quickly, calling out to Tess. “Hey. Hey!”

Tess dismissed the man, crouching down before Ellie. “Why... Why are you so important to Marlene? And don't lie to me or we'll take you back.”

“You take me back, you don’t get your battery,” Ellie replied smartly, tilting her head to the side in a challenge. 

Tess scoffed, glancing at Penelope who was eating her food in silence. 

“You heard that?” Tess asked Ellie. Ellie just shrugged her shoulders, chewing the food in her mouth. Tess continued quickly. “Then you must've heard that he wants to shoot you.” 

Ellie’s face falls. She looks behind Tess to Joel who had a hard look on his face. Penelope’s eyes widened. She looks between the two adults in the room as Tess crouches down to Ellie’s level. 

“Penelope, come over here,” Tess calls the other child. Penelope’s eyes widened, even bigger.  

“I’m not in trouble, am I?” Penelope asks, swinging her backpack over her shoulder. She walks over to the two girls in the room, sitting beside Ellie. As Penelope sat down, she didn’t get an answer from Tess.

“I'm gonna talk to you both like you're adults. Okay? Joel and I aren't good people. We're doing' this for us because, apparently,” Tess addresses Ellie specifically. “You're worth something. But we don't know what you're worth if we don't know what we have. So answer my question.”

Penelope watches and Ellie's face darkens. Ellie stares down at Tess for a moment before rolling her eyes and setting down her chicken sandwich. Penelope watches as Ellie fights with herself, deciding whether she should tell Tess and everyone else why she is so important.

“She told me not to tell anybody, and now I'm telling the first people that I meet–There is a Firefly base camp somewhere out west. With doctors. They’re working on a cure.”

Penelope’s mind was racing. A hospital? And doctors? Her parents could be at the Firefly base– more so her father could be there. It’s a stretch, but her parents could be there. Penelope’s thoughts were brought to an abrupt stop as Joel hummed.

“I’ve heard that before.”

“And whatever happened to me–” Ellie and Joel spoke in unison. “Is the key to finding the vaccine.” 

Joel advanced on Ellie. “That’s what this is? We've heard it a million times. Vaccines, miracle cures. None of it works. Ever .” 

Ellie grew tired of Joel and his doubt in her. She stood up swiftly, yelling out, “fսck you, man. I didn't ask for this.”

“You and I both.” Joel leans towards Tess, specifically addressing her. “This isn't gonna end well, Tess. We need to go back.”

Before anyone could say anything more, Penelope spoke up. Her mouth is dry, and her nerves are fraying.

“Maybe...Maybe my parents are there, and then we could get some answers from them?” Penelope asks hopefully, glancing up at the two adults. Penelope instantly regretted speaking. Tess had a sympathetic look on her face and Joel… Well, Joel had his recurring ‘mean face’ that Penelope wasn’t a fan of.  “Uh, just forget I said anything…” Penelope trailed off, itching her nasal cannula on her face in nervousness. 

Tess looks back to Joel, taking a big inhale of air. She stands up, giving Ellie a look before addressing Joel. “It doesn't matter if she is or she isn't what the Fireflies say. If they believe that she is then... we get what we want.” 

Joel looks back to Ellie and Penelope. His eyes glance between the two girls behind Tess. The sunlight flows through the broken ceiling, creating a halo over the two girls. Tess looks behind her to Penelope and Ellie.  Ellie adverts her gaze on the two adults. Penelope is still resting on the patch of grass, gripping onto her father’s coat for dear life. Joel shakes his head, deciding to listen to Tess. 

“If she so much as twitches–”

Joel was cut off as Ellie flailed her arms around. Ellie tries to intimate a clicker as she lets out a string of weird noises. Penelope stares at Ellie in surprise, letting out a stray laugh. Penelope’s laughter was loud, causing Ellie to fall in a fit of giggles before Tess looks at the two girls sternly.

“Don’t,” Tess warned Ellie. 

Instantly, Ellie and Penelope stopped laughing. Ellie clears her throat. “Okay.”

Tess shrugs her shoulders. “Okay?” She asks Joel.

“Okay.” Joel’s voice was barely audible, as he turned to grab his gear. 

Tess follows Joel. Ellie and Penelope took that as their sign to pack up their stuff. Penelope got up from her position on the grass, walking over to her pile of stuff. She shoves her plum-colored sweatshirt in her backpack, along with her not finished bread slice. 

Penelope walks back over to Ellie, waiting for her to be finished. Penelope and Ellie watch as Joel picks up his machine gun. 

“Can I have a gun?” Ellie boldly asks the two adults, eyeing the gun Joel holds in his hands. The two adults are quick to answer. Joel answers a little harshly. 

“ Absolutely not.”

“No.”

Ellie scoffs. “Okay, Jesus. Fine. I'll have to throw a fuckin' sandwich at them.” Penelope chuckles at Ellie’s remark.

Penelope walks towards Tess as Joel moves the blockade from the door with a loud creak. Joel opens the door–only a little bit–to check if there are no infected in the area. 

“It’s clear.” Joel's voice comes from outside. Tess looks back to the two young girls standing behind her. Tess walks out the door following Joel. Penelope and Ellie follow right behind Tess, Penelope walking a little slower from her sprained ankle. 

The birds chirp as they emerge from the dim room they were staying in. Penelope notices all of the overgrown plants covering everything. She assumes that the world before didn’t look as green and beautiful as it does now. 

“Wow…” Penelope remarks, swiveling around.

“Woah.” Ellie and Penelope marvel at the light of the sun and the greenery.

“Yeah, looks different in the daylight, huh?” Tess calls from the side of the two girls. 

The towers are so tall that Penelope has to bend backward a little bit to see the top of the tower. One of them leans on the other one, completely bare except for the skeleton and leaves protruding from the inside. Every building is covered in greenery. The sounds of nature reverberate from the buildings. The creak of bugs, the flock of birds in the sky squawk. Everything seems more lively than in the QZ.

“We should get movin’,” Joel calls, standing on top of a pile of concrete. Penelope is drawn out of her thoughts by Joel’s voice. 

No one answers, instead following Tess. Penelope is not able to walk in a straight line, swiveling to the left and right, observing her soundings in awe. Ellie laughs at Penelope as she trips over a piece of concrete. As Penelope recovers, she follows the group deeper into the city. 

A crater in the ground draws the girl’s attention. “Oh my god,” Penelope breathes out, walking towards it. Ellie follows her, reaching the edge of the hole and looking in. The ground was sunken in, tar and concrete in the hole with overgrown greenery sprouting out. 

“God, it looks like a fucked up moon. Is this where they bombed?” Ellie asks.

“Yeah. They hit most of the big cities like this.” The two adults stop just as Tess was explaining the crater in the ground. “They had to slow the spread somehow. Worked here, but it... didn't in most places.”

Joel walks away from the trio of girls. Tess follows him, with Ellie and Penelope closely after Tess. Still in awe of the place.

“So, the State House is across there. It's about a 10-minute walk if you could go straight.” Tess said as they reach a police car.

“So–?” Ellie was cut off by Joel.

“Long way or short way?”

“I mean, it's the long way or the ‘we're fuckin' dead’ way,” Tess said simply like death wasn’t a big deal. Ellie and Penelope look at each other.

“I’m fine talking the long way,” Penelope said simply, waiting for the adult’s answer.

“Well, I vote long way just based on that limited information,” Ellie said.

Joel addresses Tess saying, “We have to check it from the hotel first.”

Tess nods. “Okay.” Tess leads the quartet, walking through the rubble of cars.

As they walk, Penelope jumps a bit to adjust her heavy bag on her shoulders. They walk through a highway, Penelope looking everywhere but where she was walking. 

Penelope stepped on something squishy and looked down in question. She noticed an orange stuffed giraffe, halfway underneath a car. She bent down to pick it up by its arm. Penelope couldn’t help but feel a little sad. It was a child’s stuffed animal. Someone that she didn’t know. She spun it around to get a better look at it. Penelope notices a name on the bottom of it. ‘Charliese’ . Some kid who may already be dead. No longer nameless in her mind. 

Penelope quickly let go of it, as if the stuffed animal had burned her. She let it fall looking back to the group of people she was with. Penelope quickly caught up to Ellie. The two girls walked side by side, climbing over rubble every so often.

The thought that people had lived with all of these luxuries, like stuffed animals or a beautiful and full world spun uncomfortably in Penelope’s mind. Why had she been born at a time when humanity was at its worst? Why wasn’t she born before it all, given a chance to experience life without the threat of an infected ruining it? Or even better, people? Why was she the one to be burdened with the thoughts of the world before, when Penelope knows that Ellie has adapted and come to terms with her lifestyle? Why hadn’t Penelope?

Why was Penelope so dissatisfied with her life? Why was she questioning everything in her life, like it even meant anything?

Why? 

Why ?

“Penelope?” Ellie had noticed that Penelope grew quiet. Nothing unusual for the girl. But still, Ellie calls the girl. 

Penelope looks over to Ellie with tearful eyes. “Y-yeah?” 

Penelope and Ellie were further ahead of the two adults after Ellie had aimlessly led Penelope somewhere further away. Still wandering in between and over the rubble of cars.

“You alright?” Ellie asks the other brunette, kicking pebbles in front of her.

Penelope didn’t know how to respond. Was she alright? 

“Yeah.” Penelope quickly lies, a smile reaching her lips.

Ellie nods, looking away defeated. 

Penelope quickly composes herself. She shakes her arms, trying to rid of the wave of unwanted negative emotions. Penelope falls back from Ellie, Tess making her way to the two girls. 

Tess holds herself with unedifying confidence, something that Penelope wishes she was capable of having. The older woman leads the group as they walk, becoming the leader as Ellie had just led Penelope and herself astray from the hotel. The group walked in a line, Tess the leader, Ellie right behind Tess, Penelope trailing not so closely behind Ellie, and Joel bringing up the rear of the group. Watching for any threats. Mostly further away from the group due to his grumpiness. 

Ellie began to grow tired of the quiet walking. “Where the fuck are they already?”

Tess quickly responded, “You’ll know it when they’re close.”

“I didn’t know last time,” Ellie stated.

Penelope looked up from the ground, intrigued by Tess and Ellie’s conversation. There was a pause before Tess replied. 

“ How did you get bit?”

“You know the old mall in the QZ?”

Penelope perked up. From where she lived on the fifth-floor apartment, she could see the old-run-down building from her living room window. Penelope always wondered what that place was. She had contemplated whether it was smart to go and explore whenever she was bored but ruled out that she would get killed for exploring anywhere off limits by FEDRA. So she chose to stay home and study some workbooks her mother had saved.

“The one that’s sealed off and boarded up, and no one’s supposed to go in…ever?” Tess scolded Ellie, looking behind her at the two younger girls. “That one?”

“Whatever. I snuck in. Wanted to see what it was like. Didn't think there was gonna be anything in there, and then one just came outta nowhere.” Ellie and Tess now stood side by side. “Thought I got away, but.” Ellie trailed off, looking at Tess. 

Penelope looked at Ellie in astonishment. “Wait, were you there… alone ?” Penelope trailed, walking right behind Ellie. 

“Yeah,” Ellie replied simply.

The quartet reached a pile of cars and stood there for a moment.

“How old are you, Ellie?” Tess asked the girl in front of her. 

Penelope stood to the side, leaning on a rusted car. She was hunched over, growing exhausted from the amount of walking they were doing. She tried to push through the exhaustion, but her ankle was killing her, and her backpack was way too heavy for the thirteen-year-old girl. Penelope could tell her oxygen tank was almost out. She could feel the air pressure come out slower than usual, signaling this one tank must be coming to an end. 

“Fourteen,” Ellie replied.

“Wow. Well, I mean, you got some balls on you, sister.” Tess praised, looking at Ellie with a small smile on her face. Tess climbed over the mound of cars. Ellie stood there for a moment. 

“Thanks,” A smile appeared on Ellie’s face. Ellie followed right behind Tess.

Penelope was slower to climb over the mound of cars. Joel followed after the younger girl. His face contorted into an uncomfortable look. Penelope’s backpack had gotten stuck on her way over the cars, causing her to get caught on her nasal cannula tube. She reached for her backpack, right as it fell to the ground with a thud on the other side of the car pile. Penelope’s nasal cannula was ripped off her face, leaving a painfully red mark across her face and nose. 

At the thud of the backpack, Tess and Ellie swiftly looked behind them. “Everything alright?” Tess called on the other side of the ruble. 

Joel reached for her backpack, gingerly holding onto her nasal cannula tube for the girl. “Go ahead, Tess. I’ve got her.” Joel called out to the woman, helping Penelope stand up over the cars. 

Tess nodded her head and let Ellie along. 

“D’you got this without your oxygen?” Joel asks Penelope, holding her hand in his, with his other hand full of her backpack and cannula tube. 

Penelope nodded, quickly standing up and gaining her balance on the uneven cars. Once she made it to the other side of the car, Joel followed her quickly.

Joel would never admit it, but he was tolerating the two young girls. More than he would like to admit. Jeol held out Penelope’s backpack for her. Penelope took it swiftly, her cheeks red from embarrassment. 

“Thank you.” Penelope quietly responded, making her way towards Ellie and Tess who were further ahead than Joel and herself. As Joel and Penelope reached Tess and Ellie, they heard Tess questioning Ellie more. 

“No…Everyone said the open city was crazy.” Penelope heard Ellie say. Ellie was walking on the sidewalk, Tess walking along the open road, Penelope right behind her, and Joel trailing a little ways behind Penelope. 

“Like, swarms of Infected running around everywhere.” Ellie continued. 

“I heard that Infected were ugly. Oh, and if they bite you, you die instantly.” Penelope added to Ellie’s wonders. Tess and Joel watched the two girls. To be honest, Tess didn’t know much about Infected. But Joel on the other hand, knew a lot about the Infected. When Tess looked behind her to Penelope, she responded with, “That’s what the old lady across from my apartment said.”

“Not exactly like that,” Joel replied to the two girls. 

“Awh.” Penelope voiced, a little disappointed. 

“You know, people like to tell stories.”

“So, there aren’t Super-Infected that explode fungus spores on you?”

“Wait, are those real?” Penelope called, her face growing pale. 

“Shit, I hope not,” Tess called behind Ellie, a smile on her face. 

Penelope looked to her side at Ellie in fear. “Why would you even imagine that? That ‘Super-Infected’ sounds like some bad news.” Tess chuckles at Penelope’s reaction. 

“Or what about, ones with split-open heads that see in the dark like bats?” Ellie continues on.

Tess glances back to Joel, who moments before were trying to hide his growing smile with a grimace. His face fell as Penelope looked up at the man with a fearful look.

“Please tell me tha–” Penelope was cut off by a distant scream.

Penelope’s eyes widened in fear. The group stopped in their tracks, the lighthearted mood dwindling down. Penelope had never been around Infected before. But she did have an undying fear of them. Considering the stories her elderly neighbor would tell her. Nothing nice. 

“What was that?” Ellie calls out to the two adults.

“Let’s keep movin’.” Joel urged the group to move forward.

*        *       *

As Joel grunted opening the rusted door, Penelope heard quacking. “What is that noise?” Penelope asked as they reached the staircase.

“You've gotta be kidding me!” Ellie exclaimed, looking back at Tess in astonishment.

Tess was going to answer, when Penelope ran forward to the water, noticing the animals in the water. 

“Oh my god! What are these?” Penelope was crouched down on the first step of the staircase, not reaching the water. The animals in the pond made noises, acknowledging that there were people in their presence. Penelope reached out to the feathered animal in hopes of petting it.

“Hold up,” Joel called out to Penelope. She stopped in her tracks, her hand hovering above the animal. She huffed and stood up. “It might have rabies.”

Joel shrugged as Penelope sulked over to Ellie, mumbling about how fluffy and soft the animal looked.

 “Ya ever stay in a place like this?” Ellie asks the two adults. 

Penelope will admit that this hotel was pretty cool looking. With the overgrown plants and murky water. The animals have to put this hotel up to a 7 on Penelope’s list. The lighting isn't the best in her opinion, it makes the room look scarier than it is. 

“Uh, no, a little out of our league.”

Penelope wandered to the threshold of the staircase, eyeing the birds in the water. Ignoring Joel’s warning from before. “Hey, can I name one?” She calls over her shoulder, not waiting for an answer. 

As the quartet–minus Penelope–stand side by side discussing. “No you can’t name one–” Joel was cut off as Penelope ignored him.

“I’ll name you…Meatball!” Penelope exclaimed, crouching closer to the bird in the water. She called out to the duck, ignoring the adults' conversation. “Meatball…Meatball! Come here please!” Penelope urged the duck closer to her as it tried desperately to escape her presence, waddling away from her. 

Penelope huffs, standing up. “Goodbye, Meatball, I’ll forever love you!”

Penelope had drowned out their conversation, instead focusing on the animals. Finally hearing Joel say, “No, smart ass. I mean,” as he jumped into the water. 

“Who’s a ‘ smart ass ’?” Penelope asks Joel in a deeper voice. 

“Ellie,” Joel replied simply.

Ellie huffs, looking at Joel with a glare. “I don’t know how I was supposed to know that.” Ellie advances into the water, walking down the stairs. Penelope follows Ellie, staying on the same path as her.

“Ellie, let’s go find Meatball.” Penelope tugged on Ellie’s backpack, leading her to where she watched the duck disappear. 

As Penelope was leading Ellie to the group of ducks, she slid on the murky slime at the bottom of the pond, losing her balance. She tumbled down from the weight of her backpack. The water sloshed around her, submerging her momentarily as she felt her backpack being yanked up. She gasped for air, completely drenched. Her nasal cannula was puffing and sputtering from the water. Along with Penelope. 

Penelope looked behind her, Joel clutching onto her backpack, holding her steady. Penelope heard laughter, coming from Ellie.

“Holy shit! You should see your face right now.” Ellie pointed to Penelope, doubling over in laughter. “Holy fuck man. Penelope, you are something alright.”

Penelope only sputtered in response, spitting out water from her mouth, and wiping her face from the water droplets. Her hair and clothes were drenched to the core, along with her heavy backpack.

“Jesus, what d’you have in here?” Penelope heard Joel say from behind her. 

“Supplies,” Was all that Penelope could manage to say. She tore off her nasal cannula, making her way to a moldy seat above the water. She climbed up there and set down her backpack.

“Hey, now’s not the time to be restin’.” Penelope blew a raspberry at Joel’s words.

 “Oh well, old man. I just almost died.” Penelope gave an excuse, going back to her nasal cannula. She took out her oxygen tank and made sure it was working correctly. Penelope heard Joel huff, along with the dwindling laughs of Ellie. 

“Oh! Penelope, come check this out!” Ellie called behind her to Penelope. Penelope looked up just as Ellie reached the counter of the hotel. Penelope’s eyes widened as she saw a shiny little bell right beside Ellie. Penelope stuffed everything back into her backpack and bound into the water, sloshing over to Ellie in the murky water. She held her backpack up, and raced over as fast as she could in water, making her way over to Ellie. 

“It’s a bell!” Penelope yelled in excitement.

As she reached Ellie, she threw her backpack over on the old piano, lugging her oxygen tank over her shoulder. Penelope made her way to Ellie, slamming her hand down on the bell. It rang out in the abandoned lobby loudly, making its way to where Tess and Joel watched the two girls from afar. 

Penelope got behind the counter, just as Ellie rang the bell again. “Ding, ding!” Ellie called out. Penelope crouched lower to the water, hiding behind the counter. Instantly, she popped up, saying, “Why, hello new customer! How may I help you?”

Ellie leaned forward to the counter, tapping the bell with her finger as she talked. “Yes, I would like your Finest suite, please.”

Penelope went along, responding in a deeper voice, “Yes, ma’am. Would you like me to take your luggage?”

Ellie shook her head and whispered to Penelope. “I wanna take the luggage thingy, okay?” Penelope nodded rapidly, responding in a whisper, “Can I try after you?” To which Ellie nodded.

“You two are some weird kids.” Penelope heard Joel say. She instantly looked at the man, sticking out her tongue at him. 

“You’re a weird old man, Old Man,” Penelope responded, as Ellie reached the luggage cart and pushed it. The cart let out a creak, resting to the movements. Penelope rounded the counter saying in a deep voice, “Here, let me help you ma’-”

Penelope was caught off guard as the two girls pushed it forward. Something brushed Penelope’s leg, and she let out a shriek, falling into Ellie. The two fell into the old piano. From their weight it let out out-of-tune sounds, reverberating in the lobby.

Penelope heard the sloshing of water as Joel made his way over to the two girls. “Oh, my god.” Penelope looked at the murky water, seeing a decaying skeleton. Penelope was clutching onto Ellie, holding her forearm for dear life. “That was crazy…” Penelope trailed off, looking at the skeleton in surprise.

Joel walks over to the skeleton, nudging it with his boot. The head moved to the side from the moment.

“Uh, sorry.” Ellie apologizes to Joel, looking at the man. Joel stuck out a bruised hand for Ellie to take. Ellie took his hand gratefully, using his hand to pull her up from the piano. Penelope used the luggage cart instead. She grabbed onto her backpack and put it on, stuffing her oxygen tank into it.

Penelope followed right behind Ellie, fixing her now-dried nasal cannula back on her face. The oxygen was still coming out in puffs, but it’ll have to do for now.

“You two okay?” Penelope looked up at Tess. Ellie replied first.

“Yep. Fucking fabulous.”

“Mhm, I’m okay. Just a little scare.” Penelope replied. As the group made their way through the hotel, Penelope suddenly grabbed onto Ellie’s arm.

“Ellie, you didn’t get to see Meatball!” Penelope whined to Ellie.

“I did see Meatball.”

“You did? When?”

“When we first got here, I watched you name him, duh.”

“Ohhh.”

By the time their conversation came to an end, the group was at the last few steps of the stairs, reaching wherever they were heading. Penelope breathes out heavily, her oxygen tank giving out puffs of protest.

Tess walked into the hallway first, the walls covered with withering green wallpaper. She let out a huff, walking heavily. “Fuck…holy shit.

Ellie, who was following right after Tess, said, “Come on, it wasn’t that bad.”

“Try having an oxygen deficiency.” Penelope let out a breathy chuckle. 

“You try climbing ten fuckin’ floors with our knees,” Tess spoke for Joel and herself. Penelope followed right after the two, Joel bringing up the rear of their party. “See how ya feel.��

Penelope stood beside Ellie as Tess and Joel took in their surroundings, looking for a way out. The opening that Joel and Tess used was covered in rubble, from floor to ceiling. There was no way that anyone could fit in the little holes of cement. 

“Well, when the fuck did that happen?” Tess questions, looking in front of her at the rubble. “Maybe that one.” Tess questions, motioning to the door to the side. 

“No,” Joel calls out to Tess. 

The two adults make their way to the two doors in the hallway. Joel and Tess shake the door knobs, but none of them budge. 

“All right, well, I mean, maybe we could climb up there, work my way around, and open it from the inside?” Tess decides, questioning Joel.

Ellie interjects, “Uh, no, well, I’m the smallest, so it’d be easier for me to get through.”

“Mm-no, but you die and we get nothing.” Tess shuts Ellie down. “Will you give me a hand with this?” Tess turns to Joel, motioning to the rubble. 

“You two stay.” Joel addresses Ellie and Penelope. The two girls sulk, Penelope finding an abandoned chair to sit on.

The two girls are silent as they sit together. Ellie is on the floor, her back to the wall, and Penelope sets down her backpack to reach in and take out her oxygen tank. Joel hefts Tess through the rubble, making sure she’s able to get up through the cracks. Penelope watches helplessly as she thinks that these types of situations are going to be like this from now on. Ellie and Penelope sit out because they are ‘precious cargo’.

Joel stays there for a moment, calling up to her. “You good up there?”

She’s going to need to suppress her oxygen tanks from now on. She won't be able to use it 24/7. Sadly, she has to make it last. Maybe it’ll be good for her. Penelope scoffs and hugs her oxygen tank tighter.

Or not.

And she’ll die from lack of oxygen.

Penelope shakes her head, squeezing her eyes shut.

No, don’t go there. Penelope mentally scolds herself. You need to think on the bright side. Maybe Dad has found out why I constantly need oxygen, and he’ll have the cure waiting for me when I see them again. Yeah, think of that. Do not think about how I could die from lack of oxygen. Don’t. Don’t. Don’t. No. Don’t go there–

“Yeah, uh, it's a bit of a mess, so I'm gonna need a few minutes.” Tess calls from deep in the rubble of the building. 

As Joel advances toward Penelope and the chair, she smiles sheepishly. She instantly scooted off the chair, making her way to sit beside Ellie. “Sorry,” Penelope whispers to Joel. 

God. Why does she have to be so awkward and afraid of Joel? It’s not like he’s going to brutally murder her for sitting in a chair… Right? Penelope squeezes her eyes shut, resting her head on the wall. Why does the thought of Joel scare her so much? She mentally shakes herself out of her thoughts, looking over to Ellie.

The trio sits in silence for a moment. Joel sighs as he shifts comfortably into the chair, Ellie resting her head on the wall. Penelope holding onto her oxygen tank for dear life, like it’s going to protect her from any threat.

Ellie moves to take out her switchblade tossing it in her hand. 

Penelope glances at the sharp object, and discreetly shifts a tiny bit away from the other girl. Slightly afraid the switchblade might come in contact with her. 

Penelope rests her oxygen tank in her lap, sitting criss-cross-apple-sauce. She adjusts her nasal cannula as her face grows irritated from the sweat and grime. She rakes her hand through her hair, meeting with strands of knotts. She sighs and moves to braid her hair.

“Nice knife you got there,” Joel tries to make a conversation.

Ellie ignores him. Just briefly glancing at Joel. Then continues throwing and catching her knife.

Penelope sighs. She lets her eyes wander through the hallway. The green wallpaper is torn off the walls, leaving some patches left. Underneath the atrocious wallpaper is molded and dingey concrete walls. Penelope’s eyes wander to Joel’s body, and she stiffens. He was glancing at her. But still, the realization that this dangerous old man was watching her made her feel uneasy. She quickly finished her braid, tying it off.

“Where’d you learn to do that?” Joel asks.

“The circus.” Ellie quickly replies, not taking her eyes off the knife. 

Penelope glances at Joel to see him look away with his mouth open, clearly annoyed. She shrinks down a little, playing with the ends of her hair.

Ellie notices this too, and closes her switchblade, piercing her lips. She looks back towards the rubble, trying to find a way to start a friendly conversation.

Penelope beats Ellie to it.

“So, uh, Joel, where are you from?” Penelope meekly asks him. She scrunches up her nose in thought, trying not to show how nervous she actually is. Joel’s eyes meet Penelope's as she looks around the room nervously not meeting his own eyes. Looking anywhere but at him.

“Texas.” Was all he said.

Blunt and short.

God.

Penelope was growing tired of Joel already. “What about Tess?” Ellie tries. Penelope glances over to Ellie, smiling gratefully at her. 

“Detroit.” Blunt. Short. A pause. “It’s in Michigan.”

Penelope scoffs. 

“I go to school. I know where Detroit is.” Ellie says, her voice was hard. 

Silence.

Ellie and Joel stare at each other.

God. Why do I have to be so stupid? Penelope screamed at herself, scratching her eyebrow. Think, think! Think of something to defuse both of them. She groaned internally, moving her oxygen tank into her backpack.

“So, uh, you two a uh–”

“Pass.” 

Joel looks away from the young girls in front of him.

Penelope’s eyes widen at Ellie’s question. She lets out a strangled laugh, hiding her smile in the crook of her arm as she lays her head down on her lap.

Oh my god, this is going to be an awfully long trip.

“How’d you end up in Boston?” Penelope speaks, her voice muffled in her shoulder. 

“Pass.”

Oh my god! Is ‘pass’ the word of the day or something?

“No more questions about me.” Joel addresses the two girls, his eyes moving from Penelope to Ellie. 

Ellie shakes her head, looking away from Joel’s general direction. Penelope nods meekly, wrapping herself in her plum-colored sweatshirt. “Got it.” She mumbles.

There’s a short pause after Penelope spoke.

One witch Ellie interrupted. Again.

“How long do infected live?”

“Oh, I thought you went to school?”

Oh. My. God.

“It’s a really shitty one.” Ellie retorted. 

They stared at each other, Penelope nervously biting at her fingernails. 

“Well, some last about a month or two.” Joel’s voice was a lot lighter, “But there’s others that have been walkin’ round ‘bout two years.”

Ellie breathes in toying with her knife. “Ever kill one?”

“Yeah. I kill lots of ‘em.” Joel replies. 

There’s silence once again. 

Penelope stays silent. Not speaking. This isn’t her conversation too but into. But, god, did she want to change the subject. To anything. Absolutely anything but this.

“Is it hard?” Ellie asks. Her voice was stony. She glared at her switchblade, rolling it between her fingers. Penelope glances at Ellie, a look of genuine concern written on her blotchy red face. “Like knowing they were people once?” Ellie continues. She sways her legs from side to side as they were resting up by her chest. She looks at Joel, not bothering to look at Penelope. 

Penelope’s eyes were filled with sadness as she understood where this question came from.

Ellie was afraid of turning. Of when she would turn. And when she would die. Hopefully from Joel shooting her. Hopefully, before she became infected. Before she could infect anyone else. 

There was stillness. 

“Sometimes.” Joel nods, his gaze moving to the ground. “Sometimes,” He repeats again.

Ellie glances around the room quickly. “What about that guy last night?” She was subtlety wringing her fingers on her switchblade. But Penelope noticed. Penelope moved her braid off her shoulder, shifting uncomfortably on the hard ground. She cleared her throat, the recollections of last night resurfacing. 

There was a thump behind Penelope as she froze. Her eyes widened with fear as she let out a squeak. She quickly stood up, forgetting her backpack. Joel stood in front of Penelope as she was pulled back from her cannula tube. She jerked, gagging as she picked up her backpack. Joel reacted quickly, aiming his gun at the sound.

“Put the gun down, Joel.” Penelope noticed Tess’ voice come through the door. 

She exhaled, her hands trembling, her heart beating rapidly in her chest.

Ellie moved to stand closer to Penelope as she breathed in and out repeatedly trying to calm herself down. The conversation from meer seconds ago, forgotten. 

There were sounds of objects moving, as Tess finally emerged from the door opening it up a crack. The door only opened a few inches, and she looked at the trio with a look.

“What now?” Joel asked Tess, still positioned in front of Penelope and Ellie. Tess made a face awkwardly as she shook her head. Penelope and Ellie looked to Joel for an answer.

*        *       *

Water droplets dripped on the outdoor patio as the quartet emerged from the hotel. Penelope followed closely behind Tess, following her every move. Penelope thought Tess was a better option than being stuck with Joel.

Sorry, not sorry.

But the grumpy old man scared the living daylights out of Penelope sometimes. 

Who knows? If Penelope screws up once, Joel might turn and do something violent. At least…that’s what Penelope’s godforsaken mind keeps telling her.

Penelope’s Converse-clad feet walk through puddles on the concrete ground as they walk through the patio to finally reach the state house. Then this godforsaken ‘adventure’ will be over. Then Penelope will be able to see her parents. After nine years. Nine long years.

Tess pulls aside a plastic sheet to reveal an opening. Penelope smiles as a thank-you instead of actually talking. Oh well. She ducks under the sheet, walking towards the concrete wall. 

A strange gurgling, moaning, and gasping from below on the ground level reaches Penelope’s ears as she approaches the wall. Ellie followed closely behind Penelope. Penelope, however, lingers, slightly–just slightly –afraid of the foreign noise.

“What is that?” Penelope whispers, not reaching the wall. She did not want to see the horrors of the infected. She glanced at Joel who was standing a little behind the three girls. He had his gun at the ready, a hard look across his features. Penelope slowly turned her head to Tess who was standing next to Ellie at the wall, resting her arms on the ledge. 

Joel moved to rest a little ways away from Ellie, leaving a spot for Penelope. She gingerly made her way to the wall, finally getting a glimpse of how many there were. She gasped, her hand covering her mouth in horror. Her eyes were wide as they moved frantically. She has never seen infected before. Penelope was very sheltered, she realized. Something she isn't sure she’s grateful for or not. 

“There’s so many,” Ellie spoke in horror. She was gripping the ledge as she looked around at the infected.

Joel and Tess looked completely unaffected by this. It didn’t surprise Penelope one bit.

“The last time we were here they were still deep inside the buildings,” Tess spoke, evaluating the situation below them. The amount of infected has clearly doubled over the– what ?–the year that they haven’t been outside the wall. Oh, my lord. 

“But I guess enough people came through looking for the QZ–went inside seeking shelter.” Tess paused, licking her lips. “And that's how they get more and more of the city bit by bit, year after year.”

Penelope absorbs this new information, her eyes locked on the hordes of infected, clinging to each other. Her eyes were still wide with fear, her hands now trembling once again with terror. Her eyes became unfocused as the sun decided to poke out of the clouds.

The noise of agony grew louder as the sunlight hit the hordes of infected laying on the ground, withering in hunger or pain–Penelope couldn't decipher which. It was weird, how the infected reacted to the sun. Did they move away from it in agony–or in hunger? She couldn’t see which it was. But did she care? God, no.

“They’re connected,” Ellie observed, her eyes locked on the infected. “More than you know.” 

Penelope tore her eyes from the infected in front of her, inching away from the ledge. The sight of the infected made Penelope’s empty stomach churn unhappily. Out of habit, Penelope wrung her cannula cord in her hands. The oxygen sputtered in response, making Penelope jerk out of her thoughts.

No, save your air. You don’t need it now. She tried to convince herself. She distracted herself by taking her backpack off to turn off her oxygen tank to preserve some air for when she became desperate.

The feeling of natural air hit Penelope’s nose as she staggered with her heavy backpack still on. She kept her cannula cord still on her face to provide some sort of comfort or familiarity to try and ground herself.  

“The fungus still grows underground.” Penelope turns her head to Tess who was explaining the infected to Ellie. She was staring at the infected with a look of wonder and horror written on her features. Unlike Penelope, Ellie yearned to learn more about the infected. They didn't teach you this kind of stuff back in the QZ. “Long fibers like wires–some of them stretching over a mile. When you step on a patch of cordyceps in one place, then you can wake–” She paused. “A dozen infected from somewhere else. Now they know where you are…Now they come. You're not immune from being ripped apart.” Tess says softly, staring intently at Ellie now.

Penelope shifts on her feet, staring anywhere but the infected over the ledge. 

“You understand?” Tess pauses willing Ellie to look at her. “It’s important. I’m trying to keep you alive.”

Penelope’s eyes widen.

Of course. Keep Ellie alive. Ellie’s more important than some girl who can’t even breathe on her own. Alright. Yeah. That’s how it is. Okay, okay. Calm down. It’s nothing personal. Ellie is just more adventurous and unpredictable than I am, I guess. Don’t take this too seriously. Stop. Stop it. Don’t go there. Please–

Penelope glances from side to side. She feels unshed tears prickle in her eyes. She pinches the fatt of her upper arm, trying to distract herself. Stopp itt. It’s alright, don’t cry. She soothes herself.

“So, we’re not going that way.” Ellie sighs. She pushes herself off of the ledge, almost bumping into Penelope.

“Oh sorry, Ellie.” Penelope apologizes. She moves out of the way, smiling sheepishly.

“It’s okay,” Ellie dismissed, smiling back at Penelope. Ellie noticed how Penelope’s nose was unnaturally red, and running a tiny bit. But decided not to say anything. In case Penelope would become embarrassed. 

“No,” Tess replies, bringing the attention back to her.

Ellie looks to Tess for an answer. “What do we do then?” Penelope’s eyes drift to Joel who was staring out into space, resting on the wall. “Short way?” Ellie asks, her eyebrows raising.

“Oh, my god.” Penelope breathes, eyes frantically moving from Tess to Joel. “Please not the short way,”

There's a pause. The wind glides through Penelope’s hair, tickling her cheeks.

“Museum,” Joel speaks, quieting Penelope’s fears that grew in her throat. Penelope exhales, glancing at Joel for a moment.

*        *       *

A brick building comes into view as Penelope follows directly behind Tess. She was on Tess’ tail, not straying from her path. 

It’s safe to say that Penelope was terrified of any little noise, or sudden movement. 

Her hands did not stop trembling as they made their way from the hotel to the museum. Penelope had resorted to stuffing her hands onto the backpack straps, wringing, pulling, and tugging on them to keep her hands busy. Had it been helping? God no. 

Ellie followed a little ways behind Tess and Penelope as they made their way to the museum. Joel bringing up the rear as he usually does. However, he was significantly farther behind, his eyes watching everything.

Had it made Penelope feel safer? She didn’t know.

All she knew was she was tired of feeling afraid.

It didn't help that it had been significantly harder to breathe with her fractured rib and no oxygen tank. She really regretted trying to find the Fireflies. 

God, why’d I have to be so stupid?

The whole day she had been ignoring the aching pain in her left ankle and her rib, but as she began to become more and more terrified of everything around her, it became harder to ignore the pain.

Her lungs felt like they were being stabbed as she took in deep breaths, held them for five seconds, exhaled for ten, and then breathed in for five. Her own little routine. But she usually had the help of her cannula feeding in the air for her. 

But she didn't know how long the two oxygen tanks would last her.

Penelope was used to picking them up from the QZ hospital. They usually gave her ten for a month. 

But now she has two with her, to last her however long it will take for her to find her parents.

Penelope was brought out of her head as she almost walked into Tess. she stopped before she could, instead moved to stand beside the older woman. 

Ellie approached Penelope’s other side, saying, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

Penelope’s eyes widened as she took in the building’s appearance. The door was ajar with cordyceps growing over the doors, walls, and windows. She shuddered violently, her hands quivering even more.

Joel approached the woman, his gun loaded. “Well, there’s a way across from the top floor,” Tess spoke, bouncing on the balls of her feet. 

“Well I guess it’s fine,” Ellie responds, exhaling heavily.

“We used to do this all the time,” Tess reassured Ellie.

Penelope let their conversation drown out as she honed in her focus on Joel who passes by the three girls, setting down his gun. Penelope perked up, now becoming hyperaware of her surroundings.

It’s okay, Joel just put his gun down. There is nothing to worry about. Absolutely nothing. Penelope reassured herself, rotating in circles, her eyes frantically looking for any kind of threat.

“It’s bone dry,” Joel spoke, standing up. Penelope had her back to Joel as she watched the other building in fear. Looking for any kind of threat. “Could mean they’re all finally dead in there.” Joel approached Tess, proceeding to stand beside her.

Tess nodded, crouching down, and taking off her backpack. Joel did the same. They looked through their backpacks for gear. Penelope slowly pulled off her hefty backpack, following their lead. She remembered she had shoved her pistol in her father’s coat. She gingerly took it out, afraid to touch it.

“Oh man,” Ellie muttered. Joel glanced over to Ellie who was standing in front of Penelope.

“Marlene pack you one of these? Or just sandwiches.” Joel motioned to his flashlight.

“Yeah.” Ellie moved quickly to grab her own flashlight. Penelope doing the same.

“Um, Tess?” Penelope spoke quietly as she and Joel stood up with their flashlights and guns in their hands. Tess glanced over to Penelope. Then did a double take.

“Where’d you get that?” Tess asked, confusion laced in her voice.

Penelope sweat, her hands shaking violently with the gun in her right hand–not being held correctly–and her flashlight in her off-hand. “I, uh–my parent’s apartment. I have no idea how to use it–” Her voice was meek, as she held it out, like she was afraid to be toughing it.

Tess sighed. “Are you right-handed?” She asked.

“Mhm–” Penelope nodded, glancing from her gun to Tess. “I uh, I don’t want to use it?” Penelope questioned, unsure what to say.

“I’ll take it!” Ellie says quickly, raising her hand.

Joel instantly reacted. “No.” he moved towards Penelope, gingerly taking the gun out of her hand. “You don’t have to.”

Penelope nods weakly, her face pale. “O-okay,” she said weakly.

Tess eyes Joel’s encounter with Penelope. She brushes it off, speaking quickly.

“Okay. So, more ground rules.” She addresses Penelope and Ellie this time. Not just specifically Ellie. “We’re gonna go slowly. If we come up against anything, you get behind us and ya stay there, okay?”

Penelope nods wordlessly, already inching closer to Tess. 

“Yes,” Ellie replies quickly, nodding her head and fixing her backpack straps.

Penelope watches from the corner of her eyes as Tess herself pulls out her own gun, holding it in her hands with the grip of an expert. She crosses her hands, her flashlight under her gun, readying to approach whatever may be in the building. Penelope shudders, griping onto her own flashlight tighter.

“I have a spare hand,” Ellie speaks up, looking at Tess’ gun.

Joel and Tess look at her. Penelope glances from the door to the trio.

“Congratulations,” Joel speaks. 

He approaches the door first, breaking away from Tess’ side. His boots thud against the concrete floor, stepping over the deadly fungus. He holds his gun up at the ready, pushing it between the door before he goes in himself. He peaks in, bending at his waist.

Penelope stands awkwardly, anticipation crawling at her throat. She itches her cannula on her face, yearning for air as her lungs ache with each breath. But she knows that it’ll be too loud if they want to be quiet. They don’t want to make any noise. If Penelope had her oxygen on, it would bring whatever was in there right to them. Right to her, specifically. So she fought the urge for her oxygen, instead forcing herself to painfully breathe in the fresh air.

Joel turns to look at Tess, nodding his head.

Penelope and Ellie turn on their flashlights, looking at Tess. She nods her head.

The group of four enters the building, silently.

Penelope walks slowly, slightly behind Ellie. Tess brings up the rear behind Ellie.

Penelope notices that the roles of Tess and Joel have switched. Instead of Joel watching the rear, it’s Tess this time. But Penelope isn’t bothered by this switch. 

Penelope walks through the building, gingerly. She swivels in circles, moving her flashlight over the fungus coating the room. There are old displays of maps and paperwork. The glass was covered in dust and particles. She swipes her hand over a display of a map, hovering her flashlight over it.

She grows bored of the hard-to-read cursive. She moves on and follows Joel.

Joel walks forward, positioning his gun to follow the fungus over the walls. His eyes moved around the room to asset where they should go. Penelope wrings her fingers over her flashlight as they still tremble.

There’s a figure covered in fungus. Penelope’s eyes widen as she follows Joel. She inhales, trying not to make a noise.

“Yeah. Cooked.” Joel calls out.

Tess hums, “Oh, finally some fuckin’ luck.” Tess comes to stand behind Ellie and Penelope.

“I guess we should've gone this way in the first place,” Joel responds.

Penelope can’t tear her eyes away from the dead body. It’s like she’s hypnotized by the sight before her. She hears Ellie move from her side, letting out, “Oh, Shit!”

Penelope freezes as Joel quickly moves to Ellie, aiming his gun. Tess moves to stand in front of Penelope, ready for anything. Tess slowly approaches Joel and Ellie, Penelope numbly following her.

Penelope’s breath hitches as she takes in the sight before her. It’s a person, covered in crimson blood with claw marks on its head. She gags, looking away, her eyes screwed shut.

“What the fuck did that?” Ellie asks. There's silence as Tess and Joel share a look. “Maybe…maybe he was attacked outside, and crawled through the doors.” Tess tries to reason. Her voice was a whisper. “The door was open. Could’ve been him. I don’t hear anything.”

Ellie looks at both adults, confused. “What would you hear?” She asks a little loudly.

Tess and Joel look at Ellie in alarm. Joel holds out his hand, motioning for her to be quiet. Penelope tears her eyes away from the adults, looking frantically around the room in alarm.

“What would you hear?” Penelope asks now, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Are you saying infected did that?” Ellie asks her voice a whisper too.

“Shh.” Tess scolds.

“Because I've been attacked by one and it wasn't like that.” Ellie points, turning to the dead body behind her.

There’s a pause as Ellie stares intently at the dead body. Penelope positioned herself so she wasn’t able to look at the dead body, already terrified as it is.

“Okay, from this point forward, we are silent. Not quite. Silent.” Joel addresses Ellie and Penelope.

“Wha–”

“No. No questions.” Joel cuts Ellie off. “Just do it.” 

Joel moves past Penelope hallway moving to climb up the stairs, leading the way. Penelope reluctantly follows after Joel, not wanting to be left behind in this strange place. She watched where she was stepping, avoiding the long strings of fungus on the floor. 

The quartet moves up the staircase, moving at an agonizing pace. At least they were being mindful of where they stepped. 

As Joel walked gingerly up the steps, the building let out a creak. Penelope instinctively closer to Joel–involuntarily. Joel paused, looking up at the ceiling. Penelope slowly craned her neck to the ceiling, following Joel’s movements. She squinted her eyes as the building creaked, some dust falling. The quartet paused, waiting for something to happen. Penelope’s nose itched. She moved her cannula on her face, a force of habit when she grew nervous or scared. She turned her head behind her to see Ellie staring at the ground, and Tess staring right at Joel. after they shared a look, Joel continued leading Penelope and Ellie up the stairs.

As they rounded the corner of the staircase, Penelope noticed something in the fungus.

She paused in horror, Ellie bumping into her. Penelope jerked, turning to Ellie, her eyes wide, eyebrows raised. She didn’t dare speak, instead turn back swiftly, continuing to walk. 

The staircase was covered in fungus, only certain parts of the stairs were not as covered, making it difficult to avoid stepping on it. Penelope moved, copying Joel’s footsteps, trying to avoid the fungus. She was gripping tightly her backpack steps, her flashlight in her right hand–still on–casting shadows all around the floor. Her hands trembled with each movement. She wanted to reach out to use the railing to try to steady herself, but she decided against it. 

Penelope froze as she heard a hollow crunch come from behind her. 

Ellie paused, looking at her feet. Joel looked over to Ellie who was behind Penelope, his flashlight directed at the noise. Joel sighed. He swiftly turned around after giving Ellie a look. He positioned his gun on the landing, the flashlight lighting up the area. Once Joel was sure he saw nothing, he continued forward. Walking back up the stairs, Penelope tried to not step on anything.

The floorboards creaked as four sets of feet walked over the old and withering staircase. Penelope closed her eyes as she noticed a girl laying on the stairs. Her body was covered in fungus, her torso cut off from the rest of her body. She quickly moved to follow Joel up the stairs.

Penelope lingers back as Joel approaches the closed door on the balcony. He creeps in, looking left to right before entering the room completely. He glances back, signaling the room was clear. Penelope quickly walks towards Joel, right on his heel.

The two walk into the room slowly, accessing the room. 

Penelope swivels around hearing a violent creak as Ellie and Tess stand on the threshold of the doorway. She watches as Tess and Ellie dive into the room, planks of wood and rubble falling down violently. She jumps at the noise, backing into Joel. She looks up frantically at Joel, her eyes wide. He holds up his gun aiming at the noise but glances down at Penelope. She can feel her face growing red in embarrassment. 

Ellie and Tess stand up, Joel moving to help Ellie up, and Penelope gingerly holding out a hand to Tess with a small smile on her face. Tess ignores her but gives her a smile nonetheless. Penelope is standing in between Tess and Ellie as there is a strange gurgling noise that comes from the hallway to their left.

Tess and Joel react quickly, aiming their guns at the source. 

Penelope’s eyes widen as she pinches her arm to ground herself.

It’s alright. Don’t freak out. We’re going to be okay. She tries to convince herself. The noise continues as the quartet stands there. Ellie and Penelope inhale quickly, sharing a look. Ellie looks quickly at Joel, while Penelope screws her eyes shut, reaching for Ellie’s hand. 

With her eyes still shut, she follows Ellie’s movements as Joel and Tess move to stand in front of the two girls. Tess backs up, making Ellie and Penelope back up in response. Penelope opens one eye, clutching onto Ellie for dear life. She ran her fingers over Ellie’s sweatshirt to remind herself that she is okay. She moves backward with Ellie as Joel and Tess stand at the ready. Joel doesn’t look away from the noise, his gun and flashlight are still aimed at the noise.

The younger girls breathing become more frantic as the creature stumbles into the room, its strange head moving side to side, flicking its tongue. Penelope inhales, her eyes wide. Her eyes follow its body as it emerges from the hallway. Only for her to swivel to her right as another creature clicks in response. Joel and Tess do the same, their guns aimed at the noise. 

Penelope’s grip on Ellie’s arm does not leave, if anything, her grip tightens as she inhales. She glances at Ellie with a look of terror, only for Ellie to not look at her in response. She is too busy watching the hallway to be bothered by Peneloep’s grip on her arm. She doesn’t mind, it grounds her too.

Tess and Joel backed up more into the two girls. 

Penelope and Ellie’s bodies come in contact with a glass case. Penelope flinches at the cold contact, staring at Joel in fear. He stands directly to her right, with Tess standing at Ellie’s left. 

The group was stuck there. Two clickers–that they know of–surround them. Ellie turns her head from left to right, looking for a way out. Penelope just closes her eyes, wishing they would disappear. Penelope flinches as the creature behind her lets out a roar. She lets her free hand come into contact with Joel’s coat. As she feels his coat arm, her eyes fly open. She looks at Joel, her face blotchy. 

Joel just looks at her, bringing his free hand up to his mouth to Penelope and Ellie to be quiet. She nods her head, dumbfounded. Penelope turns to Ellie. She wraps her arm around Ellie’s arm and hides her face in their arms. She does not care about how stupid and scared it makes her look. She’s a terrified child for god’s sake. Who cares about trying to look tough in front of the adults?

Penelope heard the creature walk, its boots crunching over the floor. She didn't move in Ellie and her arms, instead, she closed her eyes harder and pushed her head deeper into their arms. It stopped a moment, before turning towards the group and roaring. 

Penelope shrieked into Ellie’s arms, as she heard Joel react quickly. She jerked out of Ellie’s arms as she was pulled by the other girl away from the commotion. Joel let out a yell, firing his gun at the infected. Penelope turned her head to watch Joel fend off the infected. Tess stood in front of Ellie and Penelope as the second infected came running out of nowhere. She aimed her gun at the infected, firing bullets at it.

Tess pulled Ellie, Penelopoe still clinging onto her arm. Her lungs ached, as the was pulled into another room away from the commotion. They ran through the hallways, rounding a corner and ending up right where Joel was fighting the infected. Peneloep’s eyes widened as she watched Joel fall to the ground. She continued running, turning around to see the incited right behind her. She inhaled and pushed her legs to go quicker.

Penelope was slow to react as Tess knocked into a display, falling to the ground. Penelope and Ellie fell all the same. Penelope landed on the ground with a thump, her arm entangled with Ellie’s.

Ellie reacted quickly as the infected rounded the corner. She pulled Penelope with her, crawling on all fours, Tess getting up swiftly and firing her pistol at the Infected. The two girls panted as they crawled under furniture. Penelope’s lungs were working overtime as she tried to breathe in and out steadily. 

Still crawling under furniture, Penelope heard a crash. She was going to yelp before Ellie’s hand came over her mouth. Penelope had tears in her eyes, as she looked at Ellie. Ellie shook her head.

It was quiet for a moment. There was no noise of struggling, only the noise of the clickers. Penelope and Ellie ended up leaning against a table. It was too dark to make out anything in the room. Penelope had dropped her flashlight sometime ago in the frenzy. Ellie still had her hand over Penelope’s mouth as Penelope’s breathing grew deeper.

She could feel dizzy from the lack of oxygen. It didn't help that she was worked up, and still trembling. 

Ellie looked to the side to see Joel approaching them.

A wave of relief came over Penelope as she squeezed her eyes shut. She opened her eyes as Joel motioned for them to move. Ellie nodded, pulling Penelope with her. They crawled slowly around the display. Penelope looked behind her, hearing the godforsaken clicker make its noise. There was a crunch coming from where Joel was standing, and the trio paused. It wasn't particularly loud, but any noise could draw attention to them.

There was a pause. Penelope looked at Joel only to let out a scream as the infected lunged over the display full force. The infected lunged at Joel, knocking over Ellie who was gripping onto Penelope. The trio fell to the ground, the infected on top of the three. 

The weight on top of them was excruciating. Ellie was on top of Penelope. She whimpered at the contact, thrashing as the infected rared in Ellie’s face. Joel pulled the infected’s body to him, firing two times. It roared and withered in agony as the weight on top of the three was gone. Joel kicked its body away.

Ellie pulled a frozen Penelope back, kicking her legs to stand up. She brought Penelope into a standing position too, as Penelope heaved and rested her body weight on Ellie. Joel stood in front of the two girls as the infected advanced once again toward them. He fired four times at its head, effectively rendering the creature dead. It lay limp at Joel’s feet. 

Just as Penelope thought it was over, another infected came thundering towards them. Ellie whimpered, Penelope, let out a sob. She felt coarse hands grip her shoulders as Joel used his body to shield her and Ellie.

As the infected came closer, Tess came to its right. She struck at the infected catching it off guard. With her movements, Tess let out a grunt. The Infected let out a screech at the impact, turning to Tess. it swiveled around, with an axe through its head. 

Joel let go of Penelope’s arms and moved to pick up his rifle quickly. He aimed his gun at the infected’s head and fired once. It jerked with the impact, advancing on Joel. He fired again, the infected crumbled to the ground with a weak cry of agony.

Penelope was panting heavily, not able to get air in her lungs. Her hands were trembling as she reached for Ellie’s hand. She looked over to Ellie with tears down her cheeks.

“Oh my god,” Penelope breathed out, wheezing as she tried to speak.

Ellie guided Penelope over the dead bodies. Penelope’s eyes looked over to Tess who was crouching down on the floor. Tess stood up gingerly making her way to the trio. 

“You alright?” Joel asks Tess.

“Twisted ankle, but…yeah,” Tess responds standing next to Ellie and Penelope. 

Tess addresses Ellie now. “You alright?”

Ellie looks at the two bodies, then back at Penelope. “Well, I didn’t shit my pants, so.” Ellie glances down at her intertwined hand with Penelopes. She gingerly pulls it from Penelope’s grasp to move her sleeve. She reveals a new bite mark on her skin and swears. “You fucking kidding me?”

Ellie looks around at the two adults. “I mean, if it was gonna happen to one of us.”

Tess glances at Penelope who looks as white as a ghost. There was no color on her face, and she was trembling. “Penelope, are you okay?” Tess gingerly asks.

Penelope looks at Tess her eyes wide. “Mhm.” was all Penelope could muster. She dissolved into a fit of coughs, leaning into Ellie.

“Hey, let's get the fuck outta here.” Tess motions to Penelope, worried for her.

The quartet approaches a window. Joel opens it up, being the first to emerge from the building. Penelope follows closely behind him, wanting nothing more than to get out of this godforsaken place. Her lungs were burning for air. She couldn't breathe properly at the moment, too worked up. Ellie follows closely behind Penelope, Tess being the last one to emerge from the building.

Penelope quickly sat down a little ways away from Joel and Tess. She fumbled with her backpack zipper.

“Put this on your arm.” Joel quickly pulls out a rag for Ellie.

“Thanks.” She replies making her way to Penelope.

Penelope plops on the roof, crumbing into a sitting position. She was breathing quickly, her chest heaving. She pulled her oxygen tank out of her bag quickly. She fumbled with the knob of the tank to turn it on. She forgot how tightly she twisted it. Ellie was standing beside her, looking at the scenery around.

Joel and Tess were talking amongst themselves, leaving Penelope and Ellie to themselves too.

Penelope nudges Ellie’s leg weakly. Ellie looks at Penelope. Penelope motions to her oxygen tank and Ellie quickly nods. She twists the know lose hearing a puff of air comes out. Penelope sighs a little, finally able to get some more air in her lungs. She rests her head back on her backpack, clutching tightly onto her oxygen tank.

Once Ellie is sure that Penelope is all situated, she pulls her friend up.

“Are you all good now?” Ellie asks.

Penelope smiles wiping her face of her dried tears. “Yeah. I am.” Penelope replies shakily. She pulls her backpack back on, making her way over to the plank.

“Ove there?” Ellie calls to Joel.

“Yeah, I know. It looks scary.” Joel tries to say. But Ellie cuts him off. 

“That was scary. This is wood,” she says as she advances across the plank. 

Penelope on the other hand is a little hesitant. She braces herself, breathing in and out with the help of her oxygen. She quickly follows in Ellie’s footsteps reaching the other side.

Once Penelope reaches Ellie, she hears Joel speak. “Just wait there. Give us a minute.”

“Okay,” Penelope answers for Ellie as she turns around to him. She gives him a thumbs up.

Penelope wanders around the platform. Ellie doing the same. It’s quiet between the two. They were too caught up in thinking about what had just happened moments ago. Penelope was still jittery and jumpy. 

“So…” Ellie broke the silence, glancing at Penelope.

Penelope glanced at Ellie as she sat down on the ledge. “So?”

“So, can I call you Penny?” Ellie asks Penelope. Penelope pauses.

She’s never had a friend. Or been given a nickname from a friend. Well, that she can remember. Her father used to call her Pen Pen and Pipi. but those were just from her father. Her mother used to call her ‘Love Bug’. And that was it. Penelope never had any friends growing up. So it was weird for her to be given a nickname. 

“Sure?” Penelope hesitantly replied, her voice displaying how unsure she was. Ellie smiled broadly.

“Ohh sweet! Okay then, Penny.” Ellie bumps Penelope’s shoulder. She wraps the cloth that Joel gave her quite terribly.

Penelope notices this. “Here, let me wrap it for you.” Penelope offers. Her hands were not shaking as much, but she still proceed to wrap Ellie’s arm for her. Once she’s finished, Penelope looks up to see Joel coming across the planks of wood.

She weakly gives him a smile, waving her hand. “Hi,” Penelope says as he walks past the two girls. He nods at her.

Ellie moves from Peneloep’s side with her arm neatly wrapped. She looked out to the scenery, the sun peaking out covering Ellie’s face. Joel approaches Ellie, standing beside her. Penelope heaves herself off her seat making her way to stand beside Ellie. 

“Is it everything you hoped for?” Joel asked Ellie staring out at the buildings covered in leaves and greenery.

Ellie pierces her lips before responding. “Jury’s still out. But, man, you can’t deny that view.” 

Penelope hums in agreement, her eyes fixated on the abandoned buildings. There was a comfortable silence between the three as they all stared contently at the view. Penelope heard Tess’ quick strides come from behind her as she said, “C’mon, let's get there before it’s dark.”

Tess quickly climbed down the ladder next to Penelope, grunting as she used her sprained ankle.

Penelope quickly follows after Tess, not wanting to get on her nerves. As she climbed down the ladder, she glanced at Ellie who waited patiently to go down.

*        *       *

Penelope walks beside Tess, stepping over the crunchy leaves. 

Her hands stopped trembling as she saw no threat around her. And besides, after the whole fiasco meer minutes before, she feels a lot safer around Tess and Joel.

Penelope tried to make conversation with Tess, like; “So, when was the last time you were out here?” or, “Do you like going on these types of ‘adventures’?” and “How many times have you been out of the Boston QZ?”. Tess had just replied quickly, not going into depth answering Peneloep’s questions.

After Penelope’s third attempt at making conversation, Penelope gave up. She just gave Tess a kind smile, lingering back. She understood that the older women wanted to be alone. As soon as Penelope lingered back, Tess quickened her pace considerably. She walked in long strides.

Penelope then approached Ellie’s side, smiling at the other girl. 

Joel was still at the back of the group, on guard.

The two girls didn't speak.

There was nothing to say. They were going their separate ways once they reached the state house.

Penelope was going to find her parents, while Joel and Tess went back to the QZ to get their part of the deal. Granted, Ellie and Penelope would be staying with Ellie and the Fireflies, but Penelope did not want to admit that she was growing a little attached to Tess. Tess was a lot kinder and more understanding than Joel was. 

The group approaches the statehouse with the sun high in the sky.

They were crouched, hiding behind something called a punch buggy. Penelope liked the look of the car and asked Joel what it was called. If they were at different times, Penelope would love to have a yellow Punch Buggy like this one.

Joel was in front of Tess, Penelope was directly behind Tess, and Ellie was behind Penelope. They were currently peaking over the car, not seeing any Fireflies in or around the Statehouse.

“Where the fuck are they?” Tess voiced, addressing Joel.

Joel shook his head, looking back to Tess. he swiftly stood up, his boots thudding softly on the ground. He approached the abandoned car, opening the door. When the door opened, there was no one. He still had his gun held up, as he turned to the group. “Stay back.” He whispered.

Penelope watched as Joel’s figure disappeared around the big blue truck. She flinched as she header the creak as Joel opened up the back of the truck. He stood there for a moment.

“Joel?” Tess called her voice now at regular volume. 

She led Penelope and Ellie to where Joel was, seeing no signs of threats around.

Penelope felt her stomach churn with anxiety as she realized that there was no one there. That must mean her parents aren’t here like Marlene said.

Penelope wrung her hands as she stood behind Joel and Tess. 

“What the fuck is going on?” Tess said finally.

“I don’t know.”

Penelope glanced over to Ellie to see she was looking at something on the ground. She approached her friend, standing beside her. She gasped as she noticed there was crimson on the staircase, creating a trail to the doors.

“They went inside,” Ellie said, catching Joel and Tess’ attention. They turned around seeing the same as Ellie and Penelope. Tess quickly walked to Ellie, gripping her forearm. 

She pulled Ellie up the steps, muttering, “Come on.”

Joel stood there a moment. Penelope too. She was confused. “Tess.” Joel tried, but Tess continued up the stairs. 

“Come on!” Tess repeated again, dragging Ellie up the stairs.

“Tess!” Joel called out harshly, standing at the end of the stairs where Penelope was standing. Penelope saw Ellie turn around with a look of fear and confusion written on her face. Penelope hesitated. Then she moved to follow Tess and Ellie up the stairs. A lot more slowly than Tess and Ellie. 

Tess pushed open the door with her gun held up. She was moving urgently. She pushed Ellie in front of her, to which Ellie glanced back with a questioning look.

Penelope quickly caught the door before it could close on her, opening it more for Joel to come in too. Penelope and Joel followed Tess’ urgent movements as Ellie walked through the room. 

The smell of copper reached Penelope’s noes. In response, she involuntarily scrunched up her nose in disgust at the smell. Penelope almost walked into Ellie as Ellie stopped to look at something. Penelope gasped as she saw bodies covered in splatters of crimson, scattered across the floor. 

“Holy shit.” Ellie breathed out.

Penelope clutched nervously onto Ellie’s arm, her knees growing weak at the gore before her.

Ellie swiveled to look around, causing Penelope to move with her movements. Penelope’s stomach churned with queasiness as she said, “I think I might become sick,” She held a hand over her mouth. Ellie let out a nervous laugh at Penelope’s statement.

Oh my god. Penelope thought. What if my parents are here? Oh my god. Oh. my. God! Ohmygod!

Penelope pried her fingers off of Ellie’s arm, frantically approaching one of the bodies. She fumbled for her picture of herself and her parents, pulling it out of her backpack. “Oh, my god.” She muttered over and over again.

She crouched down to the first person’s body that was closest to her and nudged them onto their back. 

“Hey!” Joel called.

Penelope ignored him, simply muttering, “Please no, please,” 

Her hair was falling out of her braid, as it covered her face. She groaned with annoyance, pushing it aside. She studied the person’s face, hoping it wasn't her mother's or father’s body. But it was too hard to tell, their face was absolutely destroyed. 

“Penelope,” Joel approached Penelope’s hunched body. “They might be infected. Get away from ‘em.” Joel put a hand on Penelope’s shoulder. She jerked at the contact, swiveling around on her feet.

“No.” She spoke. “They might be my parents.” Was all she said.

She broke away from Joel’s contact, moving to another corpse. Her hands were trembling as she held her picture in her hand. Penelope’s breathing was erratic, she heaved in air, clutching onto her chest. Before she could reach another corpse, Joel stepped in her path.

“Look, I don’t think your parents were here.” Joel tried. His voice was quiet as he tried to calm Penelope down.

Penelope shook her head. “I talked with my mom. O-on the walkie talkie. She was fighting something–” Penelope started to hyperventilate.

Ellie noticed this and made her way to Penelope and Joel. 

“Here. Let me take the picture. I can see if they were here.” Ellie speaks softly, gingerly taking the picture out of Penelope’s hands. Penelope nods numbly. Joel watches Ellie and Penelope’s encounter, not saying a word. 

As Ellie moves to each body studying them, Tess speaks up. “I mean, there's gotta be a, a fuckin' radio or somethin', right?” Tess turns in circles looking at all the supplies around in big boxes.

Ellie tried to distract Penelope by saying, “Who killed them? FEDRA?”

“No,” Joel responds, approaching the body Ellie was comparing the pictures to. He turned the body over with his foot. “One of them got bit. The healthy ones fought the sick ones. Everyone lost.” he turned around to where Tess was. “Tess? What’re you doin’?”

Tess quickly approaches Joel and Ellie. Penelope wrung her fingers, standing in the center of the room. Her eyes were clouded over as her mind was racing. “Where did Marlene say that she was taking you?” Tess spoke with urgency.

When Elie didn't respond, Tess called out her name. “Ellie!”

“Uh, I don’t know. Just west.” 

Ellie quickly looked up at the woman who was becoming frantic. Penelope eyes Tess as she tried to calm herself down.

“Just west,” Tess muttered, walking towards Penelope who stood anxiously in the middle of the room. “Fuck. Okay.”

Tess bent down to the body next to Penelope, “Well, I mean, one of them’s gotta have a map on them, right?” she felt the body quickly. “Joel, can ya help me?” Tess shouted at the man.

Penelope flinched at her voice, slowly backing up. Ellie came to stand next to Penelope, gingerly handing Penelope her picture. She shook her head with a small smile, and instantly Penelope felt relieved. She mouthed a thank you to her new friend, pocketing the picture.

“No!” Joel spoke defiantly. He was standing to the side, his mind already made up. “Tess…It’s over.”

Joel moved to approach Tess who was growing frantic. “We are going home.”

“That’s not my fucking home!” Tess replied angrily. 

Penelope and Ellie shared a look, backing off from the adults. Clearly, they were having a moment. There was silence as Joel looked at Tess.

Tess stands up, a lot calmer now. “I’m stayin’. I mean…our luck had to run out sooner than later.”

Penelope’s eyes widen in realization. “Oh my god,” She breathed out.

“Fuck.” Ellie realized too. “She’s infected.”

Joel looked from the two young girls to Tess. he had a grimace on his face. 

“Show me,” Joel said lowly.

Tess tried to step forward, “Joel,”

Joel quickly stepped back, almost reaching for his gun. He had a stony look on his face as he raised his chin in defiance.

Tess swallowed hard. She pulled the collar of her shirt and coat away from her collarbone, showing a clearly infected bite mark. Penelope made a strangled noise as she saw the mark.

No, it can’t be. Tess can’t be. She can’t–

“Oops, right?” Tess’ voice was quiet as she spoke. She let Joel look at her mark for a moment, letting reality sink in. She yanks her clothes back onto her body angrily. Penelope wipes at her stray tears as she tries to keep her composure.

I don’t want Tess to go. Please, not Tess.

“Take your bandage off.” Tess addresses Ellie. 

Ellie complies hesitantly. She rips the neat fabric off of her arm as Tess walks closer to Ellie and Penelope. Penelope shifts a little, involuntarily. 

“Look. Joel?” Tess speaks, holding Ellie’s arm out for display. “This is real. Joel’ she’s fucking real.” Tess holds Ellie’s arm out, her hands trembling. 

“I need you to get them to Bill and Frank’s–”

“No.” Joel mutters, shaking his head.

“They’ll take them off your hands–”

“ No .”

“They’ll handle it from here.” Tess’ voice cracks as she speaks.

“No, no, no, I can’t . They won’t take them.” he repeats, shaking his head violently. “They’re not gonna take her.”

“They will. They will.” Tess nods her head. “'Cause you’ll convince them.”

Penelope and Ellie stay silent.

“Yes, you will. I, I never ask you for anything–”

“No.”

“Not to feel the way I felt.” Tess tries to continue, ignoring Joel. “Not to...Shut the fuck up 'cause I don't have time.”

Joel stares at Tess with a look of hurt across his features.

Penelope was crying silently now. Her tears were flowing down her face as she tied not to make a noise. 

“This is your chance. You get them there…you keep them alive…” Her voice breaks with emotion. “And you set everything right. All the shit we did.”

Joel shakes his head softly, not accepting the situation at hand.

Penelope reaches for Ellie’s hand, needing something to ground her.

“Please say yes, Joel. Please.”

Joel says noting.

There’s a growle behind Penelope and Ellie. “Oh fuck!” Penelope shrieks, pulling Ellie–this time–towards Joel. the infected reaches for Ellie’s leg, but Joel walks forward cocking his gun and firing at it. He fires once, putting it out of its misery.

There’s a silence as the ring of the gun lingers in the building. Joel stands over the dead infected.

Low growls and intakes of air are heard throughout the building. Joel swiftly moves from the dead infected to see how many there are. Penelope and Ellie inch away from the door, deeper into the building in fear.

“How many?” 

“All of them,” Joel responds. He moves past Ellie and Penelope. “Maybe a minute.”

Tess reacts quickly, picking up a rifle. She knocks it on a barrel and dumps the contents on the ground.

“What are you doing?” Ellie asks.

“Making sure that they don’t follow you.”

Tess does the same to another one, right next to Penelope. She moves out of the way quickly and stands beside Ellie once more.

Penelope watches with concern as Tess picks up a box of small bombs and tosses them on the floor. One of them rolls to Penelope and Ellie. Ellie picks the object up, only to toss it somewhere else in the room.

“Joel…” Tess stands in front of Joel, breathing heavily. “Save who you can save.” She whispers.

They stand there for a moment, staring at each other. Penelope rubs her eyes. She wanted to give Tess a hug before they left. As she moved from Ellie’s side, Joel quickly gripped her wrist. “ Hey !” Penelope gasps, she tries to jerk her arm out of his grip.

Joel moves to do the same to Ellie with his other free hand. “No!” Ellie demands.

“I wanted to say goodbye to her!” Penelope tries to reason as Joel drags her and Ellie out of the building.

“We’re not leaving her!” Ellie resorts to hitting Joel’s arm as Joel drags Ellie, Penelope stumbling behind still in Joel’s grasp. 

“Tess!” Penelope swivels around with some difficulty. “No!”

“Get off of me, you fucker!” Ellie screeches, clawing at Joel’s grip. “I’m not going with you!”

Penelope stumbles. She’s crying freely now. Joel’s grip on her wrist makes her pull harder on her arm. She tries to keep up with his long strides. Even as Ellie is pulling and digging her feet into the ground, Joel is still pretty quick at dragging the two girls out. 

Joel shoulders the door open with the two girls in his grip. He shoves Ellie out first, and Penelope right after. The door closes with a thud. Ellie jumps to the door, trying to pry at it.

“Penny! Help me get the door!” Ellie calls behind her.

Joel quickly latches onto Ellie’s wrist once again, dragging her through the path. Penelope quickly follows behind not wanting to be left behind. Joel runs down through the grass, leading the way. He didn't let go of Ellie this time. He knew Penelope would follow him, so he didn't bother to hold onto her wrist.

There was a crash as the windows of the building exploded. Joel pulled Ellie into him, clutching behind him for Penelope’s backpack. He shielded the girls as the explosion went off. Penelope tried not to shriek as she squeezed Joel’s hand.

Joel quickly turned around. Penelope let go of his calloused hand as he aimed his rifle at the building.

Penelope and Ellie were breathing heavily as they watched the building go up in flames. There were cries of agony coming from inside the building. It died down instantly, and Penelope looked at Ellie.

She wrapped her hand around Ellie’s, trying to comfort herself or Ellie. She didn’t know. All she knew was that she wanted to cry so hard. Ellie and Penelope watched the building for a moment as Joel turned around, with a look of pain on his face. 

Penelope turned her head, watching Joel’s body walk down the hill.

The grass reached Penelope’s knees as they stood. Penelope turned around as Ellie did the same.

Ellie had unshed tears in her eyes. Penelope on the other hand had some stray tears coming down her face. Penelope and Elie stood there, their minds reeling. The wind blew in the girl's hair as the fire roared behind them.

[gg-pedro]

spin worlds - joel miller x reader oneshot

masterlist

summary: strings attached are easy enough to ignore when you're only trying to survive. when joel gets hurt, the world stops spinning, and you realize that you matter more to each other than you ever let yourselves believe.

warnings: 18+ MDNI, post outbreak!joel, boston!era, joel x reader, AFAB!reader, protective!joel, implied age gap, non-established relationship, set a few years before tlou hbo, hurt/comfort, non-gratuitous descriptions of a wound, hurt!joel, unprotected piv, fingering, end of the world sex, rough!joel, heavy on the petnames, drug/alcohol use, lots of feelings, its boston QZ joel so, angst with a happy ending, angst with fluff

words: 3.6k

a/n: is this what i really think the people want? maybe! is this what I want? absolutely yes!!!!!!!!!

-

Hundreds of nights spent with Joel since you’d been in Boston. Thousands of hours, words spoken to each other, yearning to stay in his arms longer and say more. 

The time you had with each other used to feel fleeting. Always after dark, sneaking around the QZ like you were teenagers together. It was a strictly private thing. It was almost like the two of you kept it a secret to feel a kind of thrill again, something from a past life, as if there was still right and wrong in the world and a little bit of something wrong was all you had left. 

That thrill wore off eventually, and you were with Joel for more than just the adrenaline hit. He made things more bearable and cut you deeper all at the same time. 

Flattened on his bed for yet another night, you got the feeling that something was bothering him. 

The sensation of cotton sheets was rough against your skin, acting as a futile means to abate the cold that was swirling through the apartment and raising the hairs on your arms. Your view was of his back, and the long, jagged scar that ran close to his spine. You reached your hand out to touch him and he flinched away.

“‘M goin’ out tomorrow. Without you,” he said, before you even had to ask. “Too many close calls lately.”

His voice was quiet and rough, sore from the dry air. You tried your luck at smoothing a hand across his shoulder, and this time he let himself lean into it.

“Doesn’t seem like that means you should go alone.” You pressed a kiss against his shoulder blade.

He turned his head to the side, not far enough to look you in the eye but far enough to confirm that you were there and not some twisted hallucination that he had dreamed up. “I’ll come back fine. I always do.”

Joel had this talent of convincing others that his word was his bond. He hardly had to try. When he spoke, it was like everyone sensed that they were in the presence of a kind of profit, and that he was privy to some knowledge or confidence that could keep people alive.

It didn’t help that he seemed to hold all of the knowledge in the world– knowledge about the important things. He could fix the leaky faucet in your bathroom blindfolded. Always knew what direction he was going in. Knew how to tie a million useless knots. Could look up to the night sky and point to Polaris like he was pointing to a map of Austin, showing you his old favorite diner that he went to every Saturday. I’ll come back fine. I always do. 

But Joel didn’t know anything. You’d been close enough to see that. He was just as frightened as you. But now more than ever, you wanted to trust him. Turn your back and fall, bet on the fact that he would stop the world from spinning to be there in time to catch you. 

Perhaps you were too easy, too willing to take what he gave. It was still heaven. Heaven, in a crumbling apartment building, sometimes with your restless mind placated by downers, draped across his silhouette. Sometimes you wondered, between the two of you, who deserved this life less. When you thought about it for too long, the answer was always Joel.

“Who are you meeting?”

He rubbed his palm against his forehead in slow circles. “One of my guys. Said he wasn’t gonna smuggle into the QZ anymore, son of a bitch.”

You only hummed in response, working your thumb into the knot in his shoulder. “And you trust him?”

“No.” He turned fully this time, his big hands roaming to the small of your waist and his lips to your jawline. “Sure as fuckin’ hell not enough to bring you out there this time.”

You grinned and smoothed his hair back off his forehead when he looked at you again. “Don’t have any faith in me, Miller?”

“You know that ain’t it, baby doll,” he whispered. “Don’t wanna take any chances with you.”

“Oh, yeah?” You laughed as he pulled you up onto his lap, looking deep in thought as he deliberated over where to plant kisses across your face and neck. “As if you’re ever careful with me.”

“I could be,” he said. “If you wanted.”

“Mmh, I don’t think I do.”

You looped your arms around his neck and he took your face fully into his hands. You felt almost engulfed as he kissed you. There was a fire blazing between you, and it felt like your clothes had melted away rather than been taken off with how quickly they disappeared. Your skin buzzed with desire, blood flowing to your most sensitive points. You felt limp like putty, lying in wait to be sculpted with the rough smearing of his hands across your body.

He was unrestrained in the way that he removed your roaming hands and pinned both arms above your head against the bed. “Y’think this isn’t gentle, princess? Yeah, let me show you rough.”

He split your legs apart, hand traveling to your warmed and wet entrance like a magnet. Three of his fingers were pumping short rhythms into you before you could even breathe, and your vision nearly went white. You writhed, helpless to the desperate moaning that was slipping past your lips until Joel pressed his hand against your mouth.

It all hurt so good. The sparking pleasure came and went so quickly with his movements that it felt like a continuous wave of ecstasy, even if he was stretching you close to your limit. 

He wouldn’t stop murmuring things in your ear throughout. “Think I’m gonna let you out there? Get you hurt? No, baby. I only hurt you ‘cause y’let me. Don’t you, hm? Can’t have you screaming, not with the neighbors.”

Despite his best efforts, he was only muffling the litany of sounds that you were producing as he finger fucked you raw.

After he could tell that he had brought you close to your tipping point, rough hands grabbed your waist and forced you to flip over. He pulled you up on your knees, and he turned your head to the side before forcing it down against the bed.

With one hand he fumbled with his belt, cursing in desperation as he struggled with it for a few moments. He went silent for a beat before white hot pleasure shot through your, and all you could hear was the rough slapping of your bare bodies connecting with each other. 

He was not gentle. It was clear that his pace and frequent position changes were to fulfill only his desires, and your own intense satisfaction was just a byproduct. You couldn’t complain. In fact, it would be foolish to complain. If this is what he was offering, then you would take all that he would give. 

He came quickly. He always did on nights like these, when you had given him some sort of permission to just use you for a while. You stared out to your left, looking for Orion in the cluster of stars outside his apartment’s window. You felt warm liquid spill into you and begin to drip onto your thighs as he continued thrusting. Tears blurred your vision as you followed suit, unraveling into a perfect little mess beneath him. 

“Knew you could take it, honey. You feel okay?”

“Mhm,” you said in a high-pitched tone, biting back tears as he sat you up.

He gathered your naked form into his arms and held you there for a while. He kissed the top of your head, and you wished you could’ve watched the starlight reflecting in his eyes for a little while longer.

“C’mon, I’ll get you cleaned up. Shower,” he said, more of a command than anything.

You followed his directions without responding. It wasn’t him that hurt you, not really. It wasn’t the vulnerability that stung you too deep. It was just the reminder that your relationship with Joel was far from merciful, cut from desperation and an utter decimation of the people you used to be. In another life, you knew that this wasn’t the way you could’ve loved each other.

After a luke-warm shower and a poor attempt of washing yourself clean of sin, you sat at the kitchen table in nothing but one of Joel’s denim flannels. Your hair was heavy and wet with water, leaving dark blue trails down the back of the button-up.

He smoothed an errant strand back from your forehead as he sat in the chair across from you, pouring whiskey from his decanter into two glasses. You suspected he had been drinking before you came over, but you never said anything.

You took a long drink before speaking. “When’re you planning on leaving?”

“Early.” You watched him pop a few white pills in his mouth and down the entirety of his glass. “Back before dark.”

“Could’ve just used water,” you mused. “Do you want me here when you get back?”

He looked over at you fully, that lazy smile and those sweltering brown eyes. “Hard times, darlin’. Hard times.” He removed his gaze to shake a couple more pills out of the cloudy plastic bag, leaning over the table to drop them next to your half-empty cup. “And yeah, I do. Stay.”

You stared blankly at what was in front of you, shaking your head. “Let me come, Joel.”

“You can’t negotiate with me on this. It’s a hard no.”

“Just don’t be an idiot. Please,” you bargained. “This doesn’t feel right.”

You watched him stand and walk over to you, resting a large hand on your upper back. “I’ll be back before dark,” he said again.

You looked up at him. “And if not?”

“I’ll be back.” He leaned down to kiss your temple. “I will be.”

You nodded. “I’ll be here.”

“Good,” he all but whispered. “Good, that’s all I want.”

-

True to his word, Joel was out early. 

Doubly true, with blood and sweat dripping from his hairline and into his eyes, Joel dragged himself forward as the sun set over the harbor.

November in Boston. Brutal, wintery wind whipped past his face and stung the open wounds that had been hashed into his skin. His vision swam, and he brought his sleeve up to his head again to try and stop some of the bleeding coming from the left side of his head.

You were right. Always right about nearly everything, you were. It was a trap. Maybe he could’ve taken the three guys that met him at the deal site if you had been there too, but he razed each one alone and hardly made it out alive.

You. He would’ve stopped a few miles ago if it weren’t for you. In the moment he could’ve cursed your name and damned you to hell for what you drove him to do. He could’ve sat on the curb, rested his aching back against that old lamppost with moss and flora to cushion his injured head. Shut his eyes and die already, a death that would’ve been so easy, one that he begged for a million times.

You. He stared up to the sky, praying to something that his directions were right as his eyes landed on the north star. A mile or two east, and he’d be at the QZ. His blurred vision made the light astigmatic, so he could only hope.

The pistol in his back pocket felt red hot as he stumbled eastward. The only force driving him forward was the thought of putting a bullet through the head of anyone that touched you.

This was his fault, afterall. He should’ve taken someone. Maybe it was your fault then, for mattering so much to him that nothing could bring him to put you in even the slightest bit of danger. No, none of it was your fault. Nothing was. You deserved a whole world that Joel couldn’t give you.

He’d get to you. He would.

-

Making good on his promise, you woke up cold in his empty bed.

You could’ve sworn you saw your own breath freeze in the air, through sunlight that shone through the infinite planes of the apartment. You reached a bare arm up towards the ceiling, trying to catch some of the warmth that it gave.

You had an entire day of work ahead of you, likely doing maintenance on the water system or making house calls to troubleshoot issues with the electricity. Life here had made you more useful and skilled than you had ever been before, and sometimes work felt like a welcome distraction. 

You got yourself up and dressed, picking up around his place before you made it out the door. The discarded pills on the kitchen table swirled down the sink along with yesterday morning’s coffee.

You knew how to take care of yourself more than he did. You weren’t sure why Joel fought you so hard on some things.

On the return trip to his apartment far past dinner time, you were smeared with dried sweat and soot. Your eyes passed the stars, and you repeated a silent prayer to yourself that Joel had already beat you home. 

Scaling the stairs to the third floor, you saw that fate had cruelly twisted your own wishes.

“... My fucking god, J– what happened? Hey, hey, look up at me, please–”

You were crouched before Joel’s slumped figure, barely aware enough to respond to your voice or your touch. His flannel shirt was torn, exposing a bloodied white undershirt rising and falling along with his rapid breathing.

He had a hand almost glued to this side of his head, stained with dried blood. He made a strained groaning noise as you pried it away to reveal a nasty gash to the area. You could’ve screamed yourself at the mere sight of the state he was in.

It was clear that he only had the strength to drag himself to his own front door because you had been idiotic to lock it before you’d left that morning. A stupid force of habit left over from a lifetime where locked doors and tidied apartments actually mattered. 

“Don’t… don’t, m’hurt, just…” his voice trailed off as his glassy gaze passed over your face. He was still trying to catalog you, ensure that you were still in one piece even while he was in stitches.

“I know, I know… you have to get up with me, Joel. Give me something here, fucking hell– on three, okay?”

You managed to get him to his feet as you jammed the key into the door and shoved it open. You were shouldering most of his body weight as you helped him to the first available chair at the kitchen table. Aside from his head, there was no other major injury to his body– it was mostly fine grazes and blossoming bruises on his chest and arms. You filled a glass with water and poured it over the wound on the left hemisphere of his head, trying to clear away some of the dried blood that had matted down his curls.

He writhed in his seat and you tried to soothe him with gentle words and touch as often as you could. It was deep, as if he’d been hit with something dull, but not deep enough to be fatal itself. You exhaled at that conclusion and begged to the ceiling that you were correct about it. 

You sterilized the area with whiskey poured onto a kitchen rag and bit your lip as Joel hissed and swore in response. You made him hold the cloth there as you scavenged the apartment for something, anything that could be considered proper to wrap the area with.

“Bad deal… it went bad, baby, I tried… thought they were gonna hurt you here…” he mumbled to you once you returned with a t-shirt you had begun to shred into ribbons.

“Hurt me? I’m fine, and god, you aren’t. I’m fine. Nobody’s gonna hurt me. Us,” you added quietly, slowly removing his hand from his head again.

“Mkay… ow, you’re killin’ me, darlin’, s’fine, you don’t gotta do all that,” he said weakly.

You said nothing as you tried wrapping the makeshift gauze tightly enough to still apply pressure around his head. Realistically, he needed stitches, or at the very least some sort of proper medical assessment. Curfew had already passed and doctors were few and far between to begin with, so you could only hope that this would be enough to stop the bleeding. Keep him awake and alive.

When you were finished, you slumped down in the chair next to him, your hand still gripping tightly onto his shoulder. “What’s your birthday?”

“Why’re you–”

“–Answer me, Joel, I swear to god–”

He squeezed your hand limply. “September 26th. It’s November now, ‘18, I think? What, you want me to say my ABC’s too, or…”

Your laugh cut him off, shaky and very nearly turning into a sob. “I hate you. I hate you so much, you know that? I told you not to be an idiot, and you…” your voice trailed off, and he took both of your hands into his.

“I know. Hate you too, baby… can’t believe you patched me up.”

You couldn’t believe it either, or the fact that he cared enough about you to drag himself from the city back to the QZ out of fear that whoever had hurt him was going to hurt you, too. If that wasn’t the closest thing to love you’d ever been shown, you didn’t know what was.

He slept very carefully in your arms for a few hours that night, after you had gently washed the rest of his body and cleaned some more of the noticeable wounds. You couldn’t sleep at all, kept awake by a compulsion to check the bleeding on his head and make sure that he was still breathing through all of it. 

Despite it all, the two of you didn’t feel fragile. Something unspoken was heavy in the air, something that said you both cared for each other so deeply that no circumstance could stop you from taking care of each other. Joel would do it for you, too. In the meantime, you were glad he didn’t have to.

-

In the morning Joel explained how he’d been jumped by his supplier and a few of his friends, and how he’d lost both the ammunition he was trading and the opiates and cigarettes. You thought that was a small price to pay for escaping with his life, but his stubbornness fought you on that point. 

You paid a sort of friend of yours– a former nurse– all of your ration cards from the last week to stitch up his head the following afternoon, much to Joel’s utter dismay and protest.

“It’s already done. I already paid,” you had told him, staring into his eyes with a hand cupped to his cheek. “Please just let him. Please.”

For you, your words said. For you, I would. 

He said nothing, but he sat for the few minutes of what must’ve white-knuckling pain to let the wound be sewn shut. I would, too, he echoed back. For you. You held his hand through it, even if that comfort was more for you than it was for him.

You forced him to just rest with you for the rest of the afternoon, hoping that the expired antibiotics you had been saving would nip the traces of the fever he had started to run. If that didn’t work, you promised him you would look for something that did.

Staring up at you in bed, he tucked your hair behind your ears and looked as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t. “You didn’t have to do all this, y’know. It was my own fault.”

“I did, though,” you replied as you smoothed your thumb across his cheek. “I  couldn’t do all of this without you.”

He cracked a smile. “Don’t flatter me just ‘cause I’m dyin’ over here. You’re better than me at ‘all of this’.”

You had hoped that your effort to keep him alive would’ve told him that you did in fact need him, almost more than anything, but in the moment it was fine. You would show him a million times over if that's what it took.

Instead, you rolled your eyes. “You aren’t dying. Don’t be an asshole. I do need you. How else would I spend my time if I didn’t have you to worry about?”

“Don’t know.” He grinned up at you. “You’d be a hell of a lot richer, I think. Not wasting all your rations on some old man.”

“Mmh, maybe, but I like to spoil you,” you said through a smile.

He pulled you down next to him with a soft c’mere, and you laughed as he tucked you in close to him and he buried his face in the space between your neck and shoulder. You could tell the wear on his body was making him achy when he tensed before having to let you go.

You smoothed his hair off his forehead, your fingers brushing against the clean bandages wrapped around his head. “I’ll run you a bath, if you want.”

He shut his eyes against the cool touch of your hand and nodded. “That’d be nice, honey. Real nice.”

That’s all he would ever have to say. Even less and you’d still do anything for him. He would never even have to ask.

-

[teastyun]

some spicy Abby x reader recs ✂️

author‘s note: no gatekeeping in this household! please let me know if any of the links won’t work and if you'd like some Ellie recs

spicy ellie recs

• Fuck Me Yourself, Bitch by oh_stars_im_tired (ao3)

ᰔᩚ enemies to lovers - top!Abby, bottom!reader

↬ unresolved tension,, made me wish Abby was real UGH it’s so gut wrenchingly good (overall one of the best Abby x reader author on ao3!!)

↬ also slightly angsty but the smut makes it even

• Lead me from the dark by danicruel (ao3)

ᰔᩚ friends to lovers - top!Abby, bottom!reader

↬ after a blackout in the stadium the reader and Abby find themselves in reader‘s dorm

↬ so wholesome,, made me blush so hard

↬ girl in red references <3

↬ love the author since they include all types of readers in their fics + their writing style is *chefs kiss*

• sweet temptations by elsdolly

ᰔᩚ best friends to lovers - top!Abby, bottom!fem reader

↬ mourning turns into love aaaaaah

↬ Abby looses control and it's soo hot

surprise visit by atomicami

ᰔᩚ enemies to fuck buddies/lovers? - top!Abby, bottom!reader

↬ contractor/engineer Abby x reader as Joel's daughter 🫣

↬ both parts are soo good and the author has such a smooth writing style!! def recommend checking them out too

you-know-who by lucidfairies

ᰔᩚ (age gap) unresolved tension to finally banging lol - top!Abby, unexperienced bottom!reader

↬ reader's dad's business party and wet crush turns into reality aaaaah

↬ she's such a mommy in this one (i was thriving)

trash talk by graceheartspedro

ᰔᩚ enemies to fuck enemies (crying) - top! Abby, bottom! reader

↬ slight angsty undertone due to the angsty relationship but the hate sex *chefs kiss*

↬ part two healed my heart omg and Manny is such a mood 😦

nsfw alphabet w abby by catfern

↬ felt like an Abby dictionary and i loved every second of reading it

↬ author has such a relatable writing style!!

↬ if butter was a fanfic it would be this?? idk how to explain this hahahah

run. by publicenemy666

ᰔᩚ slasher!abby, fem! reader

↬ hear me out,, i normally dislike reading horror where spice is involved, but this was sooo interestingly plotted i couldn't stop reading it aaaaah

↬ all in all such a detailed writing style that it makes it so intriguing

and they were roommates by angelkissiies

ᰔᩚ roomates/friends to friends with benefits - top!Abby, bottom!reader

↬ my FAVOURITE trope and it hit all the spots

↬ the title made me giggle so much i instantly liked the author 😭

come over by ourautmn86

ᰔᩚ enemies to fuck buddies? - top!Abby, bottom!fem reader

↬ Y'ALL this is embarrassing but i was at point in my cycle where not only my 🐱 was shacking but my WALLET too bc this fic made me impulsively order a dildo?? 😭 i wish i was kidding but you count that as a sign that it's a very good fanfic hahaha

↬ love the author's writing style and the way the plot just smoothly evolves in their fits!!

thanks for reading &lt;3

[concreteangel92]

Thou Shalt Not Kill - AU Noah Sebastian Story

New story I’m working on. Information under the cut

Summary: Reader is a detective and is assigned to a murder case which she soon connects with previous killings and figures out the religious affiliation between them all, proving there is a new serial killer within the city.

Reader soon becomes obsessed with the killers mind and methods and won’t rest until she figures out who the killer is.

All while she gets used to working with her new partner on the case, detective Noah Davis.

Pairing: AU - Noah Sebastian X detective female reader

Warnings: graphic writings of murder/killings, blood, gore, violence, serial killer, swearing, smut, lots of kinks eventually, god complex, use of religion, obsession, loss, dark romance, crime, horror, and probably many more as it goes on!

It goes without saying, if you don’t like then don’t read. It’s that simple!

This will be a multi chapter story. Smut will come later in the story, I’ve used inspiration from a lot of things such as AHS: Hotel, my favourite serial killers (real or fake characters) certain films and pieces of music, etc

If you want to be added to the tag list then let me know!!

Mood board is mine so please credit if used at all

Playlist Link Here

And if you search the ‘thou shalt not kill’ tag on my profile, you’ll be able to see other posts related to the story, could be stuff I’ve posted or from other people ☺️

Thou Shalt Not Kill 🖤 (Smut = *)

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4*

Chapter 5

Chapter 6*

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

[koishiro]

Hey again girl! So I was wondering if you could do L and Misa from death note dating moodboards? Gotta say they, just started watching death note and I LOVE IT.❤️❤️❤️✨✨

Dating L Lawliet <33

=͟͟͞͞ ⌧ : I WAS HOPING YOU’D SAY L! I LUV U I LUV U I LUV U- 💕 (death note has to be one of my top fav anime’s of all time idc)

[fuckyeahgoodomensfanfic]

Good Omens Fic Rec:  Doubt Thou The Stars Are Fire

“Oh God,” Aziraphale said to the empty bookshop, pouring himself another drink, “Oh, Lord, tell me, if we had been humans together, with short lifespans and squishy bits and all that.” Aziraphale interrupted himself by hiccupping. “Would we have fallen in love? Are you listening lord? If you hear me, give me a sign, please, I beg you.” Unfortunately, or fortunately--one can never really say in such ineffable circumstances--the almighty was, indeed, listening.

Length: 31,198 Words

AO3 Rating: Explicit / Spice Level 🔥🔥🔥🔥

Best for: Mostly Safe in Public, Canon AU, Human AU, One Sitting

Triggers: None

Read it here, fic by Princip1914

NOTE: This is a locked work you must be logged in to view

*Minor Spoilers* For many personal reasons I haven't been reading many fics lately that haven't been rereads or WIPS. Not enough space in my head the last couple weeks. But I came back to the world of Good Omens fic with this one. It instantly reminded me of the vastness of these characters and how big their love story is.

I don't want to give all this story's secrets away, but let's set the scene anyway. We start this story after the failed Apocalypse, Aziraphale is scared to admit his feelings for Crowley and feels that the only reason Crowley cares for him is simply because they just happened to get stuck with each other. He worries that he's the Wilson to Crowley's Tom Hanks, and how could Crowley possibly love him? The rest of the story sets out to prove him wrong.

What follows is an incredibly creative and well written montage of sorts, of different lives Crowley and Aziraphale might have lived. The stories are so rich and satisfying even with shorter lengths. There are two main lives we follow, both set in America, and they outstanding. Both are grounded and engaging, the sex especially feels so real. Awkward discussions and all. These stories have such a charisma to them that really just glued me to my screen. Then it goes above and beyond with it's really unique take on what love between the non human versions of them are capable of.

The one thing I will say in preparation, is you will need to pay attention because it will shift on you. It caught me off guard at first. It's not hard to follow along, but I was at work for some of my reading and I did have to go, "wait what?" once while my attention wasn't tuned 100% in. And I think it'd be best to read this in one sitting. Just to get the full effect of the thing. I loved this. I love how it excited me for this pairing, what it says about the characters and it's characterizations, the variety, the subtle humor, the creativity, I loved the whole thing! It's refreshing! You'll be mostly fine in public for this since the explicit scenes are spread out, but really I do recommend that you binge read this at home!

Read it here, fic by Princip1914

[bitumz]

The snap of a spring coil. The crack of ceramic.

“I think you got him.” Lucy says as a decapitated blonde head is sent flying past her side, all the while a thumbs-upping torso gets arched in the opposite direction. “Though I guess he did deserve it, didn't he.” She offers quieter.

---

Cooper and Lucy disagree on the importance of human convention.

[eris-eveningstar]

Ok so ao3 is down and I am NOT happy, but also...I just realized that I had the fic I was reading downloaded so that's neat.

[shakespeare-official-account]

Slow burn is a little too hot sometimes ngl

like seriously that shit burns in a bad way sometimes like WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE DOSEN'T LIKE YOU BACK??! HE'S OBSESSED WITH YOU-

[natandwandaseries]

Yelena: boring as sin is such a weird expression. Sinning is a lot of fun

Nat: Yelena, as much as I appreciate your newfound interest in the English language, it is 3 o’clock in the morning.

Yelena: When I sin,

Nat: If you keep talking, ‘Thou shalt not kill’ will start to seem more like a suggestion.

[romanarose]

About a Girl Masterlist

Beautiful header by my beloved @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

Joel Miller x Trans!Fem!Reader (Nickname, Blue)

Summary: Joel is a simple man. He goes to work, he takes care of his kindergarten age daughter, he tries to make sure Tommy doesn't die and occasionally Tess comes over. He works on Frank and Bill's farm with Tommy, Tess, and another coworker, Max. For his birthday, Tommy drags Joel out to a local grunge band's show, music he knows Joel hates. Joel is surprised to find Tess's girlfriends best friend, a girl they all call Blue because of the blue in her hair, has caught his attention.

What he doesn't know is she is trans. When he finds out, he's very confused, not because he judges her, but because he's not sure what it means for him. Does it make him gay? What does trans even mean? He's very confused. Still, despite all the confusion Joel has an open mind and he just knows that he has a lot of feelings for you and he wants to try. Joel goes on a journey of learning, not only what your trans identity means but also how to take care of himself, how to set boundaries, and learning he doesn't need carry the whole world on his shoulders.

Joel loves country, is as yeehaw as they come. Blue loves grunge, and looking as edgy as she can get by as a school teacher. Can you and Joel make it all work with the one thing that bonds them both together; flannel?

Warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter: 18+ ONLY!! I cannot warn against everything, but these are major themes. Joel is a lil ignorant but not out of hate. He just doesn't know. He's trying his best. There will be smut. Penetrative sex, all of the anal play, oral. There will be transphobia from other people. Addiction and alcoholism. QUICK child neglect not by Joel but I promise, Sarah is fine and is having a great time in life. Fetishization of women attracted to women by a shitty guy. Will update as needed. Again, this is adult content. Expect adult content.

Immersivity: Reader is transgender, AMAB female, reader has had gotten bottom surgery, not top, and is on hormones. reader has visible hair and a blue streak in hair, but not described. Could be braids, could be natural hair, whatever. Header is for aesthetics only. Reader is about Joel and Tommy's height. Let me know if i miss anything!

Themes: Found family, Tommy shitheadery (I love him), bi Aunt Tess, Joel recovering from emotional abuse, tired Joel trying to take care of everyone, grunge v country, lots of flannel, y'allternative (blending Joel's country life and reader's grunge life), Sarah Ellie friendship, Bill and Frank as the elder gays, Joel knows nothing about queerness and transness but by golly's he's trying, single dad Joel, good uncle Tommy, good uncle but also not very responsible and maybe has an addiction problem Tommy? lets find out!

Chapter 1: Joel is tired. Chapter 2: You help Joel relax Chapter 3: Blue comes out Chapter 4: Joel tries his best to stay open Chapter 5: Blue and Joel make it official Chapter 6: Blue gets to bond with Sarah Chapter 7: Blue meets Kayla and Joel is honest. Chapter 8: Joel is there for Blue, always. Chapter 9: blue sets up her future with Joel Chapter 10: Happy endings

Made for Oscar Isaac/Pedro Pascal Pride Event

How to keep up with the series:

Follow About a girl series on tumblr

follow @romana-updates and turn on notifications

Ask to be tagged!

[thetriumphantpanda]

The Way You Miss Me | Joel Miller (Chapter Four)

Twenty Years and one apocalypse later and you find yourself in Jackson. Convinced that having found one Miller brother, the likelihood of you finding the other was slim, you were in for the shock of your life.

Pairing | Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings | Mentions of sexual acts including oral but nothing explicit, mentions of violence but again nothing explicit, and that's about it.

Word Count | 4.3K

Authors Note | Gonna be honest this one was a struggle... I've been working on this for over a week and it's certainly not my best work, bit of a filler so I hope it doesn't disappoint but we'll get into more juicy things with these two in upcoming chapters, I promise. Please let me know what you think - pop into my ask and leave some love or leave some comments and love on the post - it all helps!

Spring had well and truly sprung in Jackson. There was a slight warmth to the air which you had welcomed following the harsh winter you’d been through the previous year. The snow had melted, and you were glad to see some of the community out in the gardens preparing the beds for all the fruits and vegetables they would be trying to grow this year. 

It had been a long slog for you and your father since the outbreak. Bouncing from QZ to QZ until the last one had fallen. Then you’d been on your own, crossing state line after state line, settling for short periods of time in settlements before moving on, not sure what you were looking for until you’d fallen right on it, quite literally. 

It was snowing heavily and neither you nor your father could see you hand in front of your face. You’d praised God for the thick coats you’d managed to scavenge from a family home, but you weren’t likely to last much longer in this storm if you didn’t find shelter. Always in the back of your mind was the fact that your father was getting on in age. His knees were not what they used to be, and you’d noticed he was slower than he had once been. You’d both stopped keeping count of birthdays and years. Calendars were hard to come by in during the end of the world, but you knew it had been at least 20 years. He’d been several years older than Joel at the time of the outbreak and you both thought he was pushing sixty-seven or sixty-eight now.

Trailing through the snow you could slowly start to make out a huge gate with a perimeter around it. Turning back to yell out to your father that shelter was ahead you found him hunched in the snow on his knees. 

“Oh my God!” You’d exclaimed but the sound of the wind whipping the snow had covered it up. 

You ran as fast as you could back to him, looping your arm under his elbow to drag him up, “Come on dad, there’s a settlement up ahead, it’s not far I promise.” 

“Darlin’, just leave me, go on ahead and come back for me with help.” 

You were ashamed to admit that you had considered it. He was a heavy man, the years of travelling and trying to keep you both alive had taken its toll on both of you, but you remembered all the things he’d done for you up until this point and it wasn’t an option. He was coming with you or you’d both freeze to death in the storm. 

“Come on, just stand up for me,” You begged, “I promise we’ll be there in less than five minutes, please dad.” 

You felt him push himself up, using you to steady himself once he’d stood. You point out in front of you to show him the gate you spotted, “It’s just up there, can you see it?”  He nodded and keeping a firm grip on your arm you’d continued trekking through the snow to the gate in front of you. It was imposing and huge, you couldn’t see how far the walls went around due to the snow, but the fact that you could see three figures standing on the top, you’d bet inside was a large community. 

“What do you want?!” One of the guards had shouted down to you through the storm. 

“Me and my father, we just need somewhere to ride out the storm!” You’d called back, “We don’t need to stay, just somewhere warm until this passes.” 

You could see the man who had shouted down to you was talking to the other guard who was stood next to him before he made a signal for someone below him to open the gate. Relief flooded over you, in much the same way it did for your father who promptly collapsed to his knees again. 

You did the same as before, looping an arm to try and lift him up but this time he was a dead weight. You could see two figures running through the snow to help you, watching as they picked your father up and rushed him through the main gates. You didn’t take in the surroundings as you followed as quickly as you could behind the figures who were carrying your father, only stopping once they’d pushed through the doors of a makeshift hospital and put him onto a bed. 

There was silence as they unzipped his coat and pulled down the scarf he had wrapped around the lower part of his face to shield his skin from the cold when one of them stopped dead and turned around to you. 

“Tommy fucking Miller?!” 

“Holy fuckin’ shit.” 

Within seconds you were enveloped into the strongest hug you’d been given in your life and for the first time since the outbreak began you relaxed a little, returning the strong hug back to him. 

“How the hell did you get all the way up here?” He asked, releasing you, leaving his friend to care for your father. 

“I could ask the same thing about you.” You replied, “It’s a long fucking story.” 

At that moment, you’d been tempted to ask about Joel. 20 years and the end of the fucking world and that man was still front and center in your mind. You had almost opened your mouth to ask when your father’s coughing pulled you from your conversation. You rushed to the bed and took hold of his hand as he looked up at you. 

“Sorry Darlin’,” He’d spoken softly, “Guess I needed a rest.” 

You’d laughed, mainly through the sheer amount of adrenaline working through your veins and not because you found it funny, “You’ll never guess who we’ve managed to find?” You’d spoken, taking hold of his hand before shifting a little to reveal Tommy behind you. 

“Well I’ll never,” your father had spoken, trying to lift himself up in the bed to get a better look, “Never in my life did I think Tommy Miller would come to my rescue.” 

“I can’t believe you’re still going, old man.” Was Tommy’s response. 

That had been months ago and despite saying you’d leave once the storm had passed, the chance at a semi-normal life for the two of you and the fact that you’d found the only friend you thought you had left was enough to make you stay. 

“Good morning, sunshine.” Tommy had greeted a few moments after you’d knocked on his front door. 

“Morning Tommy,” You replied, “What’s on the agenda today?” 

“I need someone to help me scout a new trail down to the power station and back,” He’d explained as you made your way to the stables, “It’ll make life a lot easier for the guys trying to get it back up to 100% but I wanted to check it first.” 

In the few short months, you’d been at Jackson you’d not quite found your place in it. Your father had finally been able to retire, spending his days in the rec hall, the church or the bar with the older elderly population, but you’d bounced around from job to job trying to find the right fit. 

The school had been your natural first choice, you’d been three weeks into your history master’s degree when the outbreak had happened so thought teaching history would be good for you, until you realized you had despised most children even before the infected took over the world, so you swiftly packed that in. You’d volunteered to help much out the horses and learn about veterinary care, but you hadn’t particularly clicked with any of the other people who had worked there, so you’d settled for following Tommy around, helping with odds and ends where you could. 

Once the horses were saddled up and you were out on the trail you realized what a beautiful day it was. The sky was clear, and it was warm enough to forgo the large jacket you’d been wearing through the winter for something lighter. Maria had packed enough food for the both of you to enjoy on the trail later and as always, Tommy had his hip flask with him, hopefully filled with liquid from one of the pre-outbreak bottles you knew he kept at the back of the cupboard at home. 

“So, I have something I need to tell you.” Tommy had admitted when you’d tied the horses up to drink and take a break. 

“That’s not ominous at all.” You’d replied, gratefully taking the hip flask from him to take a sip. 

“I didn’t tell you at the time because it wasn’t meant to be permanent,” Tommy started, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, “But now it is permanent I wanted you to hear it from me.” 

“Okay, the suspense is killing me Miller, what’s going on?” 

“Joel is back.” 

You hadn’t realized you’d stopped breathing until you sucked in a shaky breath. Suddenly you couldn’t hear the birds or the running of the stream next to you. All you could hear was the blood pumping in your own ears. Joel. Joel was alive. 

“What do you mean, he’s back?” You asked. 

“He was here over the winter, maybe a week after you arrived but he was gone the next day, so I didn’t think it was worth mentioning, not with your dad and everything, but yeah, he’s back.” 

“Does he know we’re here?” 

Tommy shook his head, “Honestly Sunshine he’s been here less than two days, so we thought we’d let him get settled, but Maria is going to talk to him whilst we’re out here.” 

Tommy had been closed off about Joel since you’d arrived in Jackson. He’d mentioned that they’d run in the same circle for a while until he’d broken off and joined the Fireflies and Joel had ended up in Boston. He’d told you Sarah had died on outbreak day but was vague with the details and that had been about it. You’d not wanted to press for any more information, trying to tell yourself that it wouldn’t help anyway. You’d found one Miller brother, there was a slim chance of finding the other during the end of the world. 

“I can’t believe he’s here.” 

“I have to warn you sunshine,” Tommy began, “He ain’t the same man he was before all this.” 

You nodded, “Are any of us?” 

Tommy chuckled, “I don’t think you’ve changed much at all,” He admitted, “I don’t know how you’ve managed it but you’re still this beacon of joy.”  An involuntary snort left your nose, “I’ve done shitty things to keep myself alive Tommy, shitty things to people who didn’t deserve to have shitty things done them, but if you let that consume you, what’s the point of any of this?” 

“I just don’t want you to be disappointed.” Tommy sighed, rubbing at the back of his neck. 

“Twenty years is a long time when you’re pretty sure someone is dead, I think I mourned for whatever it was we had long ago, so please don’t worry about me Tommy, I’ll be fine.” 

***

Back in Jackson, Joel was sat at the dining table in his new home, Maria sat across from him sipping from a cup of coffee. She’d brought it over for him, something from Tommy’s stash apparently. It was bitter but it had been a long time since he’d tasted his favourite drink so despite it burning down his throat, he followed Maria and took a sip of his own. 

“How are you settling in?” She asked. 

“We’re fine.” 

Maria nodded. She realized Joel didn’t trust her and she understood. If he was going to stay here for good, it would take some time for him to warm up to her. She still couldn’t understand why she had to be the one to tell him what was going on. She had become much closer to you than she could ever see herself becoming to Joel, but Tommy had insisted. Something about the female intuition being better for him in situations like this. 

“Listen, I’m not going to beat around the bush, Tommy wanted me to talk to you about something.” 

“I gathered.” 

Maria sighed, “I don’t really know much about it, but he told me there was someone you knew, before the outbreak. A girl.” 

Joel had been avoiding her eye contact up until this point, but his eyes shot to hers in that moment. Surely, she couldn’t be talking about you. He’d accepted long ago in those first few months that you were gone. Ripped apart by infected or shot by FEDRA before you could get somewhere safe. It was easier that way. Easier to kill you off in his mind so he hadn’t spent the last twenty years of his life mourning not just his daughter but the woman that had made him feel alive for the first time in years. 

“Said you had something going over the summer before all this happened,” He could see she was struggling, “Well anyway, Tommy wanted me to tell you that she’s here, been here a while actually, she and her father arrived probably a week before you rolled in the first time.” 

Joel tried not to let him emotion show but he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Not only had you made it through the end of the world but so had your old man. Of all the people he had expected to find here it hadn’t been either of you. 

“Tommy is talking to her today as well so you both know, we didn’t want you to just run into each other and have the shock of your life, Tommy thought it might bring on some kind of heart attack in you and one baby is enough for us right now, we couldn’t handle Ellie as well.”  He knew she was trying to make light of the situation and under any other circumstance he probably would have laughed but he was having a hard time keeping his panic under control. He tried to ground himself, taking deep breaths into his chest. What would you look like now? Had the years of hardship been kind to you? Would you have fine lines at the edge of your eyes like he’d always imagined you would from all your smiling? Would you have scars? What had you both done to keep each other alive until now? All questions he was dying to ask you, but no. He couldn’t do this. 

Ellie was enough. One person to rely on him. He’d done unspeakable things to get them here and he couldn’t have someone else to rely on him. Someone else to keep safe. Even in the walls of Jackson where you could almost convince yourself the last twenty years hadn’t happened. He couldn’t be the man he wanted to be for you all those years ago. 

“Well, I appreciate you tellin’ me Maria,” He spoke finally, “But that was a long time ago and I got other things to be focusing on now.” 

“Of course,” Maria was standing up to leave, “I best be going, but maybe you should consider bringing Ellie to the bar tonight, it’s been a couple of days and I’m sure the rest of the community would like to meet the new arrivals.” 

He waved her off with a promise they’d think about it, silently knowing he wouldn’t be going. 

“So we’re going right?” He heard Ellie’s voice at the top of the stairs, “I’ve always wanted to go to a bar.”  “What did I tell you about eavesdroppin’?” 

***

You’d been shooting back whiskey since you’d arrived at the bar and it was now settling in your stomach and going straight to your head. Your father was sat opposite you, facing the door. You’d not told him about Joel being here, why you’d kept it to yourself you weren’t sure, but Tommy had explained on the ride back that Maria was going to invite him to the bar that night, get him to do the rounds and meet everyone that he could. 

You’d almost considered staying home, but your father had insisted on bringing you out and you knew if Joel was here to stay you couldn’t avoid him forever. You needed to get this over with as soon as you could. That didn’t stop the dull ache of anxiety settling in your chest. 

Every time the door opened; you’d watch your father’s expression for the telltale sign that it was Joel that had walked in. About an hour ago a flash of recognition had flashed across his face, but it had just been Mr Grady from the house across from yours. They’d had some idle chatter before the rest of Mr Grady’s family had joined you at the table where they’d been sat for a while. 

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” Your father asked. 

“Hmmm?” You hummed in reply. 

“Paul just asked you a question,” He said, pointing to Mr Grady, “And you were miles away.”  “Oh, sorry,” you apologized, “I guess my head is somewhere else tonight, what did you ask?” 

“How was the trail today?”  “It was fine, clear apart from some fallen trees but it won’t take much to clear them, no signs of infected or raiders either.” 

“Good, it’ll be good for the lads to have an easier way to get down every day.” 

You’d nodded, knocking back the last of your whiskey and standing up before the front door creaked open. You almost knew what to expect before you looked to your father who looked almost like he was about to pass out. You turned around, glass in hand and there he was. Joel Miller in all his glory. 

He was still tall and imposing, broad in the shoulders, but his hair and beard had a spattering of grey hair and the expression on his face was hard, cold even. Stood next to him was a girl, surely no older than Sarah would have been when you’d last seen her. She had a look of wonder on her face as she took in the bar, the look of wonder every person who hadn’t been around before had when they saw something from the time before this. 

You’d been fine until Joel’s eyes snapped to yours. Your breath hitched in your throat and the glass you’d been holding fell and smashed on the floor, causing the low chatter to stop around the bar. Everyone was looking at you now, “Sorry.” You muttered, dropping to your knees to pick up the larger pieces of glass, more for a distraction than anything else. 

By the time you’d stood up and sat back down in your seat, Joel was at the bar with Tommy and the young girl. Even with his brother you could tell he was tense. Tommy hadn’t been lying when he said he was different. 

You’d been half listening when your father had explained that the two of you had lived close to Joel and worked together before everything went down, keeping your eyes trained on his back as he gladly accepted a glass of whiskey from Shane behind the bar. Tommy shot you a look over his shoulder whilst Joel took a drink, somewhere between an apology and a questioning look as to whether you were alright. You nodded softly in his direction that you were fine, or as fine as you could be under the circumstances. 

Mr Grady and his family left pretty quickly after that, something about his grandson being out on patrol early, leaving just you and you father at the table. 

“If anyone was gonna survive this thing it was always going to be that man,” Your father mused, sipping the last of his drink, “Just didn’t think he’d ever find this place.” 

You were half listening to him, giving him a nod in reply as you watched Tommy point to your table. You could have sworn Joel shook his head in response, but you wouldn’t bet money on it but then Tommy was pulling the open lapel of his jacket and turning him round, pushing at the small of his back towards your table. 

Within seconds, Tommy, Joel and the nameless girl were stood by your table, and you thought once you might pass out again. The last time you’d seen Joel had been the night before the outbreak. You’d snuck out to wish him a happy birthday which had of course lead to him splitting you open in the back of his truck, pulling three orgasms from you before you’d sucked him off and let him cum down your throat. He’d kissed you goodbye and promised to see you that weekend and that had been the last of it. 

“If it ain’t Joel Miller,” Your father greeted, struggling in his old age to stand from his chair, extending his hand out to him which he took, “Welcome back, you old man.”

“It’s good to see you again,” Joel replied, refusing to look at you, “Of all the people I thought to see here with my brother I’ve gotta admit I didn’t think it would be you.” 

Your father was still standing, using his hands to steady himself on the table, “Can’t say I can take much of the credit, it’s all thanks to this one.” He nodded his head towards you. 

Finally, he was looking at you. You didn’t really know what you’d expected but he was looking at you like he’d never really seen you before, despite knowing the most intimate parts of you and that hurt. 

“Hi Joel,” You greeted quietly, holding out your hand which he took just long enough to give your hand a squeeze before letting you go like he’d been disgusted at touching you, “It’s good to see you again.” 

He stared at you for what felt like forever until the girl next to him piped up in conversation, “So, can I have a drink?” 

“No, you cannot.” Joel was quick answer, “You’re not old enough.” 

“Dude, c’mon, it’s the fuckin’ apocalypse, just a little one.” 

“Ellie, I said no.” 

She looked like she was going to challenge him for a second but decided against it, then she looked to you, “How do you guys know each other?” 

You went to open your mouth but your father cut in, “We used to work together, started my business and these guys came along to help with everything, and my girl here used to look after Joel’s daughter in the evenings before she went off to study.” 

You watched Joel tense when your father mentioned Sarah, twenty years was never enough time to get over losing your first born.  

“I’m Ellie, nice to meet you.” She directed in your direction. 

You smiled warmly at her, you already liked this girl, whoever she was to Joel, “It’s lovely to meet you, Ellie.” 

“Well, it’s been good to see you Joel, hopefully we’ll see you both around a bit more, but I think it’s time for this one to get me home.” 

Silently thanking your father for saving you anymore embarrassment you quickly put your jacket on, rounding the table to loop your arm in his to escort him home. He was perfectly capable of doing it all on his own, but the two of you liked to be as close to each other as possible since his scare in the snow and after years of him looking after you it was only right you were starting to repay the favour now. 

“Goodnight.” You spoke softly to Joel as you walked past him, stopping a few seconds near Tommy to agree to help him with something the following day before leaving. 

***

Later that night, when Joel had finally gone to bed his mind was racing. He and Ellie had stayed just long enough at the bar to not seem rude before he made his excuse and took them both home. She’d gone up the stairs to her room leaving him at the kitchen table with bottle of whiskey Tommy had given him from his stash. 

You hadn’t really changed at all. You’d aged, but even during the end of the fucking world you’d managed to do it gracefully. The smile lines he’d drawn in his mind were exactly where he’d thought they’d be, your hair had a small spattering of greys in it and there was a scar that sliced through your top lip which told him however you’d managed to survive it hadn’t been easy. But you were still you, with those big, beautiful eyes he’d remembered and your soft voice that could have begged him for anything and he’d have given it to you. 

He certainly wasn’t the same man, not the man you’d wanted all those years ago on his back porch in the heat. He was old, damaged and had more emotional baggage now than he had back then. He knew he had to stay away from you, he couldn’t allow himself to give into what he really wanted because he knew, deep down, that he would fail. He couldn’t be the romantic man he’d been before, lying you down and spending hours pulling sounds of pleasure from you in his bed, wishing that he could take you out and hold your hand for everyone to see but knowing he couldn’t. 

Things were very different now and that would just mean having to keep his distance, he couldn’t risk another attachment, Ellie was enough for him. If only he’d known that a few streets over you were lying in your bed thinking the exact opposite, thinking about how you could get as close to him as possible and rekindle what you’d had, then he’d have known it was all over before it had even begun. 

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[gg-pedro]

can you hear the music (ch. 2) - joel miller x reader

masterlist

summary: everyone in jackson is trying to distract themselves from something. you teach ellie piano and find yourself trying to help more than one miller settle into their new world.

chapter 2: navigating joel’s heart is a bittersweet thing. mostly sweet, though.

warnings: post outbreak!joel, jackson!era, joel x reader, AFAB!reader, platonic!ellie x reader, implied age gap, fingering, unprotected piv (don't do that tho), fairly tame aside from that, brief descriptions of an injury, mentions of blood, hurt/comfort, angst, weird feelings (and there's more where that came from!)

words: 2.5k

a/n: I wrote the majority of this while listening to clocks by coldplay. hope this helps. (also thank you for the love on chapter 1! glad I'm not the only ooey gooey joel miller lover.)

-

Joel, yes. Joel, yes. Joel, please. 

Repeating his name like a metronome, a 2/4 time signature, the beginnings of a beautiful song coming from your lips and melting against the warm skin of his bare shoulder.

Your clothes had vanished somewhere in between the hall at the top of the stairs and the entrance of your bedroom. Joel grabbed you, nudging you back against your own creamy bedsheets. He took you in, all of you. He was between your thighs in an instant, head bowed between your parted legs like he was praying at the base of an altar.

“You’ve done this before, right, baby?” He pulled you by your hips, his big hands settling perfectly into the indentation of your waist.

You rolled your eyes and brought a hand up to cup his scruffy cheek. The answer was yes, you’d had sex before, but this? No, you had never been so wildly attracted to someone, so soaked from the start, so certain that your partner’s touch was the closest you were ever going to get to God. 

“You don’t have to be gentle with me.”

“‘M gonna be gentle with you, darlin’. Tell me to stop and I will, alright? I will, you don’t feel bad about nothin’ here.” He bowed down to kiss you again, sloppy and warm, his fingertips ghosting the length of your torso. He made you shudder and gasp against his open mouth.

He found your slick entrance, teasing you with two calloused fingers whose grooves made your back arch and your mouth fill with saliva. You reached down to stimulate your aching clit as he pumped his middle and ring finger in and out of you, speeding up, slowing down, testing your reaction from the strangled sounds of pleasure escaping your lips.

You fell right into it, your form turning to putty underneath him. His fingers curled and hit that ribbed edge inside of you until your hand on his shoulder blades turned into a pleading vice grip, begging for more.

“Joel… Joel, I–”

He stopped immediately, unsure if your mumblings were that of pleasure or uncertainty. He hovered over you, his lips ghosting across your jawline. “Say it, baby. What do you want?”

“You,” you said without hesitation. You wanted to come undone with his dick inside of you. Just him, pure and raw and carnal. 

His belt had already been undone, and he forced down his worn jeans and boxers to reveal his stiffened cock. You licked your fingers, bringing your hand around to stroke up and down the frontside of his length. It was a biblical sight: throbbing veins clearly visible, looking almost too oversized for you to take properly. 

He grabbed your middle and pulled you upright against his body, legs bent and slightly parted on the bed. You fit perfectly between him, wrapping the two of you together as your lips found each other’s in another desperate fervor. You sank down onto his cock, your walls clenching around him immediately and involuntarily. Twin moans sounded from both of your throats, and Joel didn’t give you more than a few seconds before he was thrusting upwards into you. 

The two of you shared the work, with him setting a sweet pace and you grinding your hips to meet it. Your bodies were both slick with sweat, faces reddenned; two burning silhouettes against a backdrop of patchy orange light. 

Joel was gentle and balanced at first, his motions coordinated and purposeful. In your warm, tight walls, you knew he was unraveling. When his thrusts grew jerky, he forced you back onto the bed, nipping and biting at the skin across your neck and collarbone while you clawed at his back. 

Joel. Fuck, yes. Please, I’m–

There it was again, that chorus you couldn’t sweat out.

“I’m here, baby, I got you. Drivin’ me up the fuckin’ wall with those little sounds.”

You couldn’t hold out any longer. Tears fought their way out of your eyes as you muffled uncontrolled moans into his shoulder. You saw white, and then things were fuzzy until the black faded from the corners of your vision. He’d fucked you blind, you were afraid.

That sent him tumbling over the edge after you, his entire body slowing and twitching as he gave the last few thrusts into your over-sensitive, aching hole. When he pulled out of you he cupped your cheek with one of his hands, swiping away the trail of tears with the pad of his thumb.

He kissed you again, and again, kissing you breathless and dizzy. He rolled over to the other side of you with a low grunt and pulled your body in close to him.

“Y’alright? Didn’t hurt you or nothin’?” He propped himself up to take another good look at your face. He was cataloging it– memorizing you.

You smiled and gazed up at him in the warm light. “No. You’re perfect. Stop worrying.”

“Yes ma’am.”

He smiled. It was a real smile, one you hadn’t seen before.

You both tended to yourselves in the bathroom afterwards before collapsing back into bed together. You slept for the first time in months. It didn’t matter how many nights had passed with you curled up in a warm bed in Jackson, away from the bitter wilderness or outside threats, you never could shake that nagging feeling that you were one wrong move away from death. You slept restlessly everywhere, waking up drowning in your quilted comforter and drenched in sweat in the still morning. 

But this time, when you were startled awake from a restful sleep, sunlight dripping through the curtains–

He was awake, too. He cracked a grin as your fingers found their way into his unkempt hair. 

“Go back to sleep, baby,” he whispered. 

He pulled you close to his chest, hand placed protectively on the back of your head until it trailed down to your neck and shoulders, nails raking lightly over chilled skin.

Yeah. This was going to kill you. Both of you, more likely than not. 

You slept anyway.

-

Joel came to you. Often. 

The two of you had improvised a system. Of course you had, you were having sex with Joel Miller. You would leave your bedroom light on after curfew if he was free to come. It worked out well. Clearly, because he was sharing a bed with you more nights out of the week than not.

He would come in, a little more than tired, and melt right into your arms like liquid mercury. He wouldn’t say much at first, just mumbling that he missed you and couldn’t stop thinking about you while he was gone. Wanted to make sure you were alright. He’d pull back for a moment, scanning your features and any exposed skin on your body. 

“I’m fine, Joel. Stop worrying about me.”

Tucking his head into the space where your neck met your shoulder, he sighed. “I know, I know. I can’t.”

That was true, you knew it was. And it was sweet. And it was reason enough to keep him wrapped in your arms all night. 

Sometimes he fucked you, sometimes he didn’t. Sometimes, though, he fucked you raw and shaky and teary-eyed. It was always a surprise, but a welcome surprise, something that you could look forward to throughout the days in Jackson that tended to bleed together.

On one particular night, a few minutes past 10 o’clock, the front door knob turned, opened, and clicked shut in one swift motion. You came down the stairs to meet him, unbuttoning the cardigan you had thrown on over clothes. The expression on his face gave you pause for a moment. He was holding his left arm in an unnatural way, a little stiffened and sort of awkward. He looked exhausted and there was a pinch between his eyebrows.

You smoothed a hand over his bearded face and took the arm gently into your hand to examine it. His jacket had a slash through it and a mixture of dried and fresh blood had seeped into the fabric of his flannel beneath it. He pushed you away, instead curling his good arm around your lower back and pulling you in. 

“What happened?”

He looked away from you, inhaling sharply as you twisted out of his embrace to examine his arm again. “Fucked around too much with an old hunter’s trap. Clipped me good. I’m fine.”

You smacked his shoulder before turning to gather supplies from the kitchen. A wet washcloth, soap, and a stash of bandages you took from the clinic. Look, these were hard times, and you had yourself to think of, too.

“You’re an idiot,” you said from the other room. “I thought you could’ve been bit. Why didn’t you go to the clinic? Someone should’ve been on staff. Who were you with?”

He came to take a seat at the kitchen table, a shuddery little sound escaping his throat as he shed his jacket and rolled up one sleeve. Ignoring all of your questions, he said, “Bit? I wouldn’t fuckin’ come here if that happened.”

You thought about that scenario and what it would entail for a brief moment before shutting it out of your mind. Joel was here, with you, mostly in one piece. 

“You’re still an idiot.”

You sat down in the chair next to him and brought his arm up so that it was flush with the table. It wasn’t so bad, just a few punctures. The part that concerned you was where he had evidently pulled it out from the metal and the skin had snagged.

The moment you started dabbing at it with soapy water, he flinched and pulled back. “You don’t have to do this. I ain’t asking you to do this,” he clarified. 

Ignoring him this time, you situated yourself to access the wound again, dabbing away the dried blood around his arm. “Well here I am, Joel. If you aren’t gonna take care of yourself, I’m happy to do it. Tommy would. Ellie would. You don’t go to them, though.”

You go to me. 

You cleansed the jagged tears with fresh water and patted it dry. “What did you think was going to happen? You come here, I ignore the gaping hole in your arm, we fuck and then you leave?”

He sat back and his eyes were glued to the ceiling. “No. I don’t fuckin’ know, alright? Ellie’s a kid, and Tommy… I don’t know what I thought.”

He raised his voice and you stared at him. When he met your eyes again, they were tired and glassy.

“‘M sorry, baby. I’m sorry. I just–” He brought his good hand up to your face, his thumb gliding back and forth against your skin. “I ain’t gonna be a burden on you. You’re too young, y’shouldn’t have to take care of me.”

Shaking your head and fighting back tears, you unwound a long strip of bandages. “Shut up. What’s gotten into you? You can’t just say shit like that.”

“–if somethin’ happened to me, I wouldn’t want you to–”

“Jesus fucking christ, Joel, I said shut up.”

If something happened to Joel, you were pretty sure the world would stop. Nowadays, yours was so small to begin with. You couldn’t just forget about him. Pretend like none of this had ever happened. You couldn’t unfeel the way he touched you, or unhear his voice, or unsee his silhouette reflected in the constellations as he laid next to you at night. 

Joel’s face faltered. “Hey. Hey, shh, c’mere.” He pulled you into him, disregarding the sting as he held you in his arms. “I’m just worn out, sweetheart. It ain’t you, It’s me.”

You just nodded. Your breathing synced up with his, and for a second, everything didn’t feel so heavy.

“I’m sorry.” You said into the crook of his neck.

“Don’t say sorry.” He rubbed his wide hand up and down your back. “You’ll still finish fixin’ me up?”

And you did. Of course you did. You wrapped the gash up in 20 year old gauze, kissed his forehead and made him promise he’d get it checked out in the morning. You both knew he wouldn’t, but he smiled and promised you anyway.

Such was the way of your promises to each other. You couldn’t guarantee anything, but you could pretend. At least while you were in each other's arms. 

-

Joel could hear piano music pouring out from every edge and crack of your home when he came by to walk Ellie to dinner. It almost made him smile– there was a distinct shift between Ellie’s playing and your demonstration to her.

He listened for a while before finally knocking hard on the door. He heard Ellie shifting around, and then flinging the door open to greet him. “Hey, Joel, have you ever seen Star Wars? The music is super cool.” 

He could see the sheet music entitled ‘Princess Leia’s Theme’ resting on the stand. Something twisted in his heart, something mournful and nostalgic, and he had to push it back down before it started hurting.

“Thanks for the lesson! Can I come tomorrow, too? I’ll forget all that by next week,” Ellie said, turning to face you once her shoes and coat had been tugged on.

You smiled, leaning against the doorframe. “Sure, as long as Joel doesn’t mind me stealing you away again.”

Joel kept his eyes on Ellie. “It’s fine.”

Joel kept it curt with you, especially around her. You didn’t need to try to argue with his reasoning. A part of it hurt a little, if you were being honest. Your relationship was harmless. It would be even more harmless if the two of you weren’t sneaking around after dark like two teeagers. But you understood, as much as one could possibly understand Joel Miller. 

“Good. See you then.”

Ellie still noticed. While the two of them walked away from your house after a successful session, she posed the question to Joel. 

“Did something happen between you guys?” She kicked some snow up off the ground with the toe of her boot.

“No,” Joel replied. 

“Then why’d you barely say anything to each other?”

He gave her a look, one that would signal to any other person to fuck off and stop prying, but she ignored it. “Don’t have to. You got a problem with that?”

“Yeah. I mean, it just seems like… pretty weird that you didn’t even say bye.” She went silent for a moment, mulling something over. “Does this have to do with that time you didn’t get me from Tommy’s? Or when I couldn’t find you at the stables? Or when–”

“–Stop yourself right there, Ellie, I’ve already answered too fuckin’ many of your questions,” he interjected. 

That only made her grin. She laughed a little and smacked him in the shoulder. “Oh, man. Oh, this is good. You’re fucked. I totally know.”

“You don’t know anything,” and then, under his breath, “little shit.”

“Defensive and quiet? Fuckin’ hell, dude, you suck at this,” she said, laughing. “She’s too cool for you, man.”

Joel, trying his absolute best to fend off the smile at the corner of his lips, just shook his head.

“Shut up.”

-

[ameryth74]

Literally me right now because AO3 is still down after 6 hours.

[concreteangel92]

Thou Shalt Not Kill - Chapter 8

AU Noah Sebastian x female reader

18+

Summary: Reader is a detective and is assigned to a murder case which she soon connects with previous killings and figures out the religious affiliation, proving there is a new serial killer within the city. Reader soon becomes obsessed with the killers mind and methods and won’t rest until she figures out who the killer is. All while she gets used to working with her new partner on the case, detective Noah Davis.

Warnings: none for this chapter other then talks of religion

So sorry it’s taken me so long to get this out haha I’ve been so busy over the last couple weeks but tonight jet lag has been a bitch so I decided to use the time to finish this chapter off 🤣 I hope you all enjoy and I look forward to hearing your thoughts!!

Tags: @Ima1986 @hayleylatour @reyadawn @thatchickwiththecamera @calleyx13 @english-fucker @malerieee @ithoughtbynowidfeelbetter @softvgold @lilhobgobbler @glccmreid @badomensls @madomens @loeytuan98 @iluvmewwwww75 @rosebushjhj @livingdeceasedgirl @lilrubles @samanthasgone @blackveilomens @hellayeahsword @lookwhatitcost @doomhands-jr @nojoyontheburn @poisongirl616 @bakanerd @sacredthefran @flowery-mess

If you wish to be added to the tag list then let me know!!

Chapter Index Here

MASTERLIST

The world around you seemed very fuzzy, like a dream, almost but it was very much real.

The pain in your head was awful, you tried to open your eyes and was met by a dim light around the room coming from above your head, although it was dim, it still hurt your eyes the moment they opened.

You let your head fall back onto the pillow you were lying on, the room already feeling like it was spinning and making your stomach twist uncomfortably.

The sound of a door opening made you try to turn your head again and a blurry silhouette came towards you, that was the last thing you remember before you slipped back into the darkness again.

••••

Once again you stirred awake, your body feeling heavy and weak, the pain still lingered in your head and your mouth was incredibly dry.

You looked around the room, your eye sight more adjusted then before and you saw you were in a fairly big room, the walls were a dark grey and there was a small window up very high on the wall, allowing sunlight to come into the room, it appeared you were in a basement somewhere. The bed you were on appeared very clean, like the sheets had been freshly made not long ago. A tall chest of drawers was to your right. There wasn’t much else in the room but two doors, one you assumed lead to a toilet and the other was your way out of here.

Trying to push the nauseous feeling away, you sat yourself up slowly. Your head still feeling very foggy.

You heard the sound of footsteps coming from behind the door in front of you, when the door opened you were greeted by Noah’s tall figure carrying a tray in his hand.

“Ahh welcome back angel, I was starting to think you’d never wake up”

You backed yourself up in the bed when he walked over and sat down next to you, you could see bottles of water and a sandwich on a plate on the tray.

“Ho..how long was I out?”

You coughed and tried to cleared your throat as your voice was raspy and your throat was dry.

Noah offered you a bottle of water which you just stared at.

“It’s not laced with anything, look, not even been opened”

You studied the cap and saw it appeared to be untouched but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t possible.

Noah smirked at you and opened the bottle to take a sip himself.

“Happy now? You must be thirsty. And you’ve been out for nearly 2 days now”

You took the water from his hands and started to drink, water had never tasted so good.

“Easy, you haven’t had anything in days, don’t want to bring it straight back up”

You stopped chugging the water and stared at him.

“Why do you care? You’re going to kill me right? What difference does it make?”

Noah let out a small chuckle and went to touch your leg which you swiftly moved away.

“I have no intention of killing you angel, why would I do that when you intrigue me far too much”

You looked away from his intense gaze, his words not bringing you any comfort.

“Why Noah?…the whole time it was you…just why?”

“I have many reasons why, but I’m sure you’ve figured some of them out by now detective. I’ve never met anyone who’s just as intelligent as I am, someone who is on my level. There was no way any of those idiots at the station would ever have got as far as they did in the case if it wasn’t for you”

You looked back at him, seeing him looking almost sincere.

“It was all a game to you wasn’t it?”

“No. I genuinely do like you angel, that was never a lie or a game…my messages to you may have been however”

You didn’t miss the sinister smirk as he recalled all the times he’s text you off an unknown number.

“A burner phone I assume? One that clearly couldn’t be traced”

“They had no chance to tracing it back to me, as I said, none of them would have got this far without you. You see what they don’t, you tried to get into the same mindset to figure out every clue, every killing and you were right every time. It’s truly very impressive”

You felt the need to laugh, “so what now? You just keep me locked here….where ever here is?”

Noah put the tray with the sandwich on your lap and gestured for you to take it, the growling in your stomach wouldn’t let you turn it down so you picked it up and started to slowly eat.

“You’re in a safe location, they won’t be able to find you if that’s what you’re thinking and you won’t be able to get out of here. The walls are soundproof and the only way out of through that door which is locked, even if it wasn’t, I would soon find you. I intend to keep you here until I see fit so don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt you…not yet anyway”

Noah appeared to be very relaxed in front of you, it was almost like nothing was wrong and you were just two friends having a conversation like you always did, the feeling was very bitter sweet.

“Why did…”

Your words got lost in your throat as soon as you started talking.

“Why did I?”

You looked down at the half eaten sandwich in your hands as you felt a true wave of sadness wash over you.

“Why did you play with my feelings…and sleep with me? Why would you do that?”

You felt Noah’s fingers underneath your chin as he pushed your face up to look at him.

“I already told you, that wasn’t a game. I really do like you, I never lied about that”

You stared into his dark eyes and for a moment you let yourself go back, days before, when everything was normal.

“I just…can’t believe you…a psychopathic killer isn’t capable of such emotions”

Noah laughed quietly and you felt his breath on your lips as he moved in closer.

“Oh even you know that’s not completely true detective, we are capable of many emotions, even if it’s not how you perceive them to be”

“And what about how I perceive your actions detective”

You couldn’t resist using his nickname back at him, the sick irony of it all almost made you laugh.

“Come on now, you know for a fact that the victims weren’t innocent people, I’ve done the world a favour by ridding them of those hypocritical liars”

“No matter what they did in their past or present, you’re not god! You don’t get to decide who lives and who dies!”

Noah smiled and you felt his hand grip your chin harder as he leant forward to press his lips onto yours.

“Don’t I? I’ve already told you before angel, the worst thing in this world is religion. And I’m simply sending a message that god can be dethroned”

You tried to move away from him slightly, the kiss and his words sending chills down your spine.

“You’re insane” Noah smiled at your words.

“We’ll find out detective, my message to the world isn’t finished yet”

“What about ‘thou shalt not kill’ you don’t practice what you preach?”

He leant in towards you closer again, his hands now resting on the mattress either side of your body, almost like he was trapping you in.

“That commandment is always translated wrong, it should read ‘thou shalt not commit murder’” Noah then stood up tall, the smirk on his face still ever present. “Killing can be such a righteous act”

You pushed the sandwich away and sat up more in the bed, the dizziness still there in your temples.

“You think what you’ve done is righteous?”

He walked closer to the door, signalling he was making his leave soon.

“What I’ve done is proved that people are not what they seem, you and me are living proof of that”

“What do you mean?”

“We are the last two commandments angel, do you not see it?” Noah paced slowly as he talked. “‘Thou shalt not have no other god before me’ and ‘thou shalt not kill’ it’s very poetic I think”

You scrunched your face up at his words as you tried to understand what he meant.

“I don’t understand?”

“Oh you will angel, all in due time”

With that, Noah turned and walked out of door, the sound of it locking ringing in your ears and his words making your head hurt even more.

Chapter 9