#throughout the course of the game he recovers somewhat and goes back to being kind of a dick

[aces-to-apples]

Frankly I think Alistair being mildly shitty to that mage in Ostagar seems pretty in-character for the guy he is before the massive, life-altering trauma that is the Ostagar massacre wherein he sees all of his Grey Warden comrades, his beloved mentor/father figure, and his beloathed half-brother/convenient-target-of-projection absolutely torn to shreds by literal Thedas boogeymen. IIRC Morrigan and Flemeth both comment on his wack behavior after Ostagar and then by the time we get to Lothering Alistair just fully surrenders any and all responsibility (and, frankly, agency) to the player's Warden for the foreseeable future. It can then take anywhere from a couple IRL hours to the entire second act of the game for him to retake almost any amount of it back. And depending on the player's choices in dialogue, and especially whether or not they choose to romance him, we may only see flashes of that guy we met at Ostagar before he potentially morphs into almost someone else entirely (hardened!King!Alistair). All that to say, I don't actually think it's a useful criticism of "characterization" to bring up Alistair's glibness as compared to his behavior in the majority of the game because from where I'm standing (looking directly at his snottiness about Cailan, his complaints about being assigned to the Tower of Ishal, his Templar-esque focusing on Morrigan and Flemeth being apostates, his generally pretty brusque manner with the Warden recruits) it seems fairly in-line with the rest of his behavior at Ostagar.

[underthedekutree]

Young Link might have PTSD - Part 2: Termina is NOT a Parallel World, Technically

This is a continuation of my last post so if you’re seeing this and haven’t read it, go here.

This is the part where I somewhat smoothly segue into Majora’s Mask. Link, lonely and filled with unprocessed trauma, leaves Hyrule in search of Navi. According to most sources (which take from Hyrule Historia probably? don’t quote me on it), Link falls down a hole into Termina, a parallel world to Hyrule, that contains many familiar looking denizens of Hyrule, but playing different roles. And well, if you probably guessed by the title, I have a rather different interpretation.

Okay, so in a nutshell my theory is that Termina is in fact all a dream, kind of like Koholint Island. Except the one dreaming up this world isn’t some deity like the Giants or Skull Kid or the Moon. It’s Link.

(big explainey hoo hah below)

Evidence 1: Link begins the game sleeping. Yes, I know literally every Zelda game begins this way and it’s a whole tradition thing. I am beginning with the weakest points first and working my way up to the strong ones. We’ll get there.

Evidence 2: The reuse of character and environment models from Ocarina of Time. The literal IRL reason for this is of course the game famously being given only one year of production time, which meant that the most practical method was to reuse as much material from MM’s predecessor as possible (eg. Romani Ranch sign is the Kakariko Village sign, and still says Kakariko Village on it). It seems like a rather offhand afterthought for Nintendo to chalk it all up to “oh its just a parallel world like Link to the Past or something. But think of it like this; when we dream, we often see familiar people from throughout our lives put in strange and unexpected situations, like that irritable old farmhand you hated so much is now a depressed circus master for some reason. Dreams don’t make sense. Things you know will mix with other strange inexplicable things, fleeting thoughts in your mind, all roughly tied together by whatever emotions you had been feeling when you went to bed. Malon is split into two people, Romani and Cremia, her older and younger self. This might reflect how Link feels about Malon, that she changed so much in those 7 years that she’s like a different person entirely, that it’s hard for him to process that they are the same, because the change was so shockingly sudden for him.

Evidence 3: Gorons in the snow, Gerudo by the sea. Yes, I know that sounds a lot like good evidence for a parallel world (that’s why the idea is widely accepted in the first place, it has merit), but it also works in as dream world evidence too. As a child, my family was obsessed with skiing. We would go to the same mountain every winter, and we would stay at the same lodge. It almost became like a second home for me. So much so, that one night I dreamed that my house had been replaced by the lodge, so it wasn’t on a snow-capped mountain, but in a bushy Australian suburb. Okay that kinda got off subject but I’m bad at conclusions so in summary Dreams Just Be Like That (tm). You get what I’m saying right? No? Sorry, let’s just move on.

Evidence 4: The Milk Bar. AKA my favourite location in the game! It’s often overlooked as the “haha funny they couldn’t put alcohol in kids game so its kiddy milk hee hee”, but it is actually a strong thematic pillar of Majora’s Mask. As I mentioned in Part 1, if you put a 9 year old in a 16 year old’s body and call him an adult before ripping that all away is probably going to leave the kid with an identity crisis. What is a mature place open at late hours when children are sleeping? A bar. What is a drink associated with the young, being produced for the purpose of helping children grow? Milk. No please don’t go I swear there’s more to this, stay with me. In order to gain access to the bar, Link must prove he is mature enough by wearing a mask, a disguise, like Adult Link is to Young Link. Being adult isn’t earned through years of natural living experience and mental development, it’s a thing you are given by adults to just BE when they deem you worthy, at least from how Link sees it. So that is the amalgamation of dream thoughts that is the Milk Bar. Is it mature? Is it childish? What is the line between the two? Is there one? It’s the culmination of his anxieties and confusions that he doesn’t know how to express. Another, smaller expression of this anxiety is the Clock Town Guards. When Link is a Deku, the guards say they don’t allow children outside the gates. When Link turns back however, the guard goes to stop him because he looks too young, but sees that he has a sword, and lets him pass. Why the sword? Well, in one way this is a callback to Kokiri Forest, where Mido doesn’t let Link see the Deku Tree until he has a sword. But also, what is the item that lets Link travel through time and become an adult in OOT? The Master Sword. Link seems to believe that adulthood is measured by the things you have, physical markers of maturity, which is how lots of children see adulthood. You’re an adult if you can drink, if you’re tall, if you’re married, if you have a house, a car etc. But in reality this isn’t how it works. Heck, I’m technically an adult but I sure as hell don’t feel like one, because I know I still have things to learn about responsibility, patience and all the other things, that can only come with time, which is the moral conclusion of OOT, but clearly Link missed the memo. Don’t get me wrong, there are some indicators to show he’s grown a bit. He can ride Epona, use the bow, do flips like some kind of acrobat etc. But those strange and confused feelings linger, and manifest in the young boy’s dreams.

Evidence 5: The four transformation masks. The four masks represent different aspects of Link’s self, and the way he grew and changed in OOT. Deku Scrub the Innocent, Goron the Confident, Zora the Mature and Fierce Deity the Hero. Link began only knowing the Kokiri Forest, and nothing of the world outside. As he set out on his journey, he grew more confident in his skills and defeated greater foes. When evil took over, he learned from his fatal mistake and worked to right it. And when it was finally time to face the greatest threat, he was ready, with all the heart pieces, bottles full of fairies, Biggoron Sword in hand. At that moment he struck the final blow he probably felt like the strong and unstoppable hero everyone in Hyrule told him he needed to be. And that feeling of pure uncompromising strength, with the whole world behind him, manifested in the Fierce Deity. Fierce Deity is much taller than Adult Link, and packs so much of a punch that he can beat Majora without batting an eye, like some overpowered Super Saiyan. It reminds me a lot of Undertale, with young Asriel becoming what he imagines to be an all-powerful godlike being, like something you’d see as a children’s drawing. Fierce Deity gives off those vibes, like “he has a HUGE SWORD that SHOOTS BEAMS OF LIGHT and he’s 8 FOOT TALL and CAN KILL ENEMIES IN A SINGLE BLOW!!” Before the final battle on the moon, when Majora gives you the mask, he childishly asks if you want to play a game of good guys and bad guys. And the good guy always wins, no matter what. Fierce Deity makes the final boss a cakewalk, but its supposed to.

Evidence 6: Anju and Kafei. Short one, because it falls a lot into everything else I’ve said regarding childhood vs adulthood. Kafei is effectively a switcheroo of what happened to Link in OOT. An adult shrunk back to childhood, uncomfortable in his new body and looking for a way to fix everything. He’s a reflection of how Link now kinda feels like an adult in a child’s body, because he had started to be used to being called an adult.

Evidence 7: The Moon. I haven’t super touched on the main meat of the game yet, so here it is. The moon and the 3 day mechanic is an allegory for constant mounting pressure, that builds and builds, never ceasing, because the world is in danger, and there’s only one person who has been chosen to save it. I’ve always been interested in the Chosen One narrative, and how different media explore the idea of the world’s very existence being pushed onto one person. How at the end of it all, they can never be the same again after all they’ve gone through. When you’re somehow expected to hold up the Moon itself single-handed, and your life and everything you care about suffers because you’re putting everyone else before yourself. That feeling of complete loneliness under a crushing weight, and although other characters may come to help you, in the end its still all down to you, and you never had a choice in any of it, as all the decisions were made by someone else. You must do what they tell you. Believe in yourself, believe...

Evidence 8: Skull Kid. The story goes that long ago in Termina, the Skull Kid and the Giants played together, until one day, the Giants left, leaving the Skull Kid alone and heartbroken, with nobody to turn to. As life moves on, things may change, and people always come and go from your life. Your friend might move overseas, or stop texting you, or you might fall out of friendship after an awkward event from which you could never recover (no, these have totally not all happened to me, shut up i’m fine), or your fairy companion might just disappear without so much as a goodbye after their task is complete. And it feels like you didn’t matter at all. That they never really cared about you, and you’re as easy to drop and move on from as a child’s toy. You might get angry, and want to shut them out, and give them a taste of their own medicine. Majora’s Mask teaches you that this isn’t the case. Life is ever changing, but you will always have the memories of times with your friends, and a chance to make more with new friends, like a sassy talkative fairy sprite and her shy brother or a child made of wood who wants to destroy the world. Friends come from unlikely places, so accept that change will happen and hope that wherever the people you knew are, they’re okay. You’re thinking about them, so they might be thinking about you too. And who knows? Life is unpredictable. They might just come back one day, and it’ll be like they were never gone.

Evidence 9 (the final one, I promise): The Song of Healing. At the end of all things, after losing ones you love, connections to family and friends, memories of things long past... you need time to heal. Link’s journey through Termina is a constant gauntlet of running into his own past traumas, forced to relive them again, and again, and again. But sometimes you should take a deep breath, gather your thoughts, and take time to heal. Although it can be important to confront your fears and learn to surpass them, it is exhausting, and you can end up more emotionally broken than when you started. The three masks all had regrets of powerlessness; unable to protect your community, your loved ones, or even yourself. Troubles you’ve gone through that keep plaguing your mind, and you’re wondering if you’ve done enough, seeking answers where none can be found. And the best thing you can do... is accept and move on. Be kind to yourself, and give yourself time to heal. Link’s way of processing his grief and trauma is to create an entire hellscape world in his own head, but not everyone processes it the same way. Sometimes you feel like you need to busy yourself, or listen to soothing music, or talk to people you trust, or spend copious amounts of money, or make some angst art, or cuddle your plush toys until their stuffing squeezes out. Sometimes life hits you in the face and you want to blame yourself for standing in the firing line, but it’s not your fault. It’s okay to feel however you feel, whether you’re drenched in a pool of tears or you just feel numb, it’s okay and natural. You’re okay. You’re here.

Okay so it got kinda personal at the end there but I hope it was informative, and made you think a little bit differently about Majora’s Mask and Ocarina of Time. You probably want to go back and play them now. Me too.

So was this all just an excuse for me to gush about how cool Majora’s Mask is? Hell fucking yes it was. Congratulations for making it through my monstrous ramblings, you get the secret prize of looking at my weird art on my DA. Here you go. Have a nice day, Zelda Nerds.

[entamewitchlulu]

lulu does flash reviews again

hey it’s been a while since i did one of these, anyway i just finished Princess Connect and I have some Thoughts so this is genuinely just me rambling about it

So, Princess Connect Re:Dive. It’s essentially a 12 episode long commercial for the associated role playing mobile game.  It follows the adventures of the Gourmet Guild, a group of four adventurers whose goal is to investigate and enjoy the various foods of their fantasy world. 

The Guild is made up of Yuuki, ostensibly our protagonist: a somewhat blank-slate sort of character who’s obviously supposed to be whoever your face character in the mobile game is, but who is actually, surprisingly, rather charming. He has lost his memories after some unknown battle he participated in with a bunch of former party members, and tends to respond to things in monosyllables, preferring instead to communicate with thumb’s ups and “mn!” in most cases. Despite this, he seems to be a very sweet boy who cares about his friends and is eager to do his best.  Personally, I found him to be kind of a breath of fresh air in terms of male protagonists of fantasy shows otherwise populated by women.  There’s not a single bit of “lucky pervert” tropes, he doesn’t seem at all interested in pursuing or flirting with any of the other girls, and only one of the girls is interested in him romantically. He’s generally pretty straightforward and good-hearted, so at worst I could call him boring - but even so, again, I found him charming.

Next is Kokkoro, an elf from a small village sent by someone who appears to be a goddess of some kind to find Yuuki and assist him as he recovers his memories. Kokkoro is, in a word, cute. She’s the only member of the cast who is interested in Yuuki romantically.  Despite this happening immediately after she meets him, it sort of makes some sense to me, since she’s clearly been taught that he’s a special and important person whom she is duty-bound to serve, so it makes sense to me that she would hold him in high regard - and since he’s just genuinely so...genuine, it makes sense that it wouldn’t take long for a more sheltered girl to develop feelings for him. And, happily, she has a personality outside of this attraction as well: she’s reliable, patient, and good at sewing, and she enjoys spending time with the rest of the guild.  Her silly faces she makes every time Yuuki gets chewed on by a wolf are hilarious, too.

Third up is Pecorine, who, while Yuuki is supposedly the protagonist, is pretty much set up to be the real protagonist of the show. Pecorine is not-so-subtly secretly the princess of this fantasy world, Landosol, however, it appears for some reason someone else is acting as ruler. Pecorine is ridiculously strong, ridiculously peppy, and always hungry. She’s literally made of nothing but love, joy, and excitement for whatever the next day will bring. She’s always helping people and seems to consider making others happy to be her life goal, alongside eating lots of yummy food. Everyone she encounters eventually becomes her best friend, even when they start off by trying to steal from her. She’s straightforward, doesn’t seem to notice when people don’t have her best interests in mind, and yet, beneath that, she is extremely lonely and vulnerable. If you couldn’t tell, she’s far and away my favorite character of the show.

And finally, there’s Karyl: a cat girl who is, in my opinion, the perfect example of a cat girl. She’s initially a loner who doesn’t see the need for friends, and is, apparently, supposed to assassinate Pecorine. As Pecorine doesn’t notice, she quickly inducts Karyl as her new girlfriend best friend, and Karyl, for all of her tsundere, don’t-touch-me cat vibes, absolutely starts falling for Pecorine’s kindness back.  While she’s the one to call out the guild’s stupid plans and ideas, she generally ends up joining in on the shenanigans, much to her eternal chagrin.

So, I don’t mean to make this just a description of the show, because I do have thoughts and opinions, but I felt like setting up my feelings on the main cast was important before I got into the details of the show itself.  From this point forward, there will be spoilers.

So, what this show does right:

As I mentioned in my talk about Yuuki, in terms of “1 male protagonist surrounded by girls”, it’s a relief to watch a show where the main cast is just all a bunch of good friends and they’re not just all hanging on the bland main character.  Each of the cast is given their own time to develop their own personalities both with each other and outside of each other, and they’re all, genuinely, rather endearing.  There are two characters who show up later who are a bit annoying about their care over Yuuki (calling themselves his big and little sister respectively), but since they aren’t main cast members and connect the show to a larger “what happened before this?” narrative, I didn’t mind it so much.  Plus, despite a cast of all girls in a mobile game, outside of a few skimpy outfits and Pecorine’s occasional boob jiggle, there wasn’t a SINGLE bit of fanservice, which shocked me for this genre. No upskirts, no accidental boob touches, no lewd comments or innuendos.  I was floored, and in a good way.

The character design really isn’t bad for a show based on a mobile game. Characters are distinct in design and personality. The best design is, of course, the girl who is Just a Llama. 

I actually really liked being thrown into this world where it was very obvious that something had already happened Before, but you were only given pieces of it.  It built a very intriguing premise by starting us off seemingly after the climactic battle goes wrong, and adds a sense of unease here or there about knowing that something is a little bit off, but you don’t quite know what.  Not getting all of the answers at the end of the show wasn’t a dealbreaker, either, because I knew I wouldn’t going in - it’s a mobile game show. The story is still going in the mobile game, so they won’t play all their cards in the adaptation.

Karyl and Pecorine are definitely the main characters of the show, and while I’m sure it wasn’t intentional, their story very much feels like a love story, and I just really, really enjoyed that for what I expected to see going in, I instead got two girls who were allowed to have a complicated and yet very sweet relationship that developed slowly over the series into a truly beautiful climax.  Speaking of Pecorine, as well, I have to give some props to the plot twist about her character. It was obvious to me for a while that she was the princess of Landosol, and I assumed that her parents were dead.  I kept wondering why she was leaving her people to the whims of her impersonator instead of taking back her throne, and it was something that sort of bothered me throughout her seemingly cheerfully ignoring what her usurper was doing to her kingdom.  Finding out that the fake princess had, in fact, simply replaced Pecorine with herself in everyone’s memories, leaving Pecorine with no idea what to do and deciding to disappear knowing that even her own parents didn’t remember her as their daughter was a shocking, and powerful, plot twist.

When it’s good, it’s really good.  There are some genuinely heartfelt and powerful moments.  The animation is surprisingly good, beautiful to watch especially during fight scenes.  The final scene especially with its emphasis on Karyl and Pecorine really touched me, as it was clear they put a lot of effort into just the last few frames to make it really touching.

And here’s what this show does wrong:

When I said that when it’s good, it’s really good, the same can be said that when it’s bad, it’s bad.  The main problem with this show is that it wants to be everything.  It wants to be a comedy.  It wants to be a drama.  It wants to have deep character drama and heartfelt moments.  It wants to have intense battles and evil villains alongside a story about four friends making sandwiches out of monster meat.  The comedy bits and drama bits are both solid enough on their own, but smushed together, it makes for a tonally dissonant show that cheapens some of the more heartfelt moments.

The show takes way too long to even get into its main conceit, too.  I think it wasn’t until episode 4 that they started their Gourmet Guild - and then even after that, the food hunting sort of disappeared in a lot of episodes so that you kind of forgot what their goals even were.  And even when the food episodes happened, they almost felt like filler.  Because of the show’s lack of focus, it was hard to truly enjoy any part of it.

And I cannot forget to mention that though I praised the character design in the good stuff section, there were some...concerns.  Episode 3 introduces a fatphobic, borderline racist design. He is shown as cruel, violent, gleefully mean, and morbidly obese in a cast that is otherwise made up of skinny characters.  And worse, he’s the only brown character in a sea of pale, white-coded characters.  His appearance in episode 3 almost made me stop watching.  He showed up briefly in several more episodes after this, and it sucked every single time.  Despite a lot of the other things I loved about this show, I really cannot recommend it to anyone with a clean conscience just because of this character. He’s distressing and uncomfortable to me, so I can’t imagine how a POC might feel while watching it.

Genuinely, if even one or two of their “here’s a cute girl” designs had been Black or brown, I would have felt way better.  But the juxtaposition of this guy being the only dark skinned character in the show combined with his abhorrent personality just really, really distresses me, and I think it’s a warning that people should be aware of before giving it a try.

That being said, overall, I don’t think Princess Connect Re:Dive was a bad show.  As I said, there was a lot of elements I enjoyed, and I will probably go look and see if there’s any Karyl/Pecorine art out there, and since the app is Japanese only, I might even go and read the continued plot somewhere.

So this wasn’t much of a “flash review”, I had a lot to say, I guess lol.  Anyway, if anyone else watched it, please let me know what you thought~ I’d be interested to hear anyone else’s take.  For my part, I’ll give Princess Connect a solid 6/10.

[relaxedmouse]

Yugioh and its (nearly) Invincible Protagonists

I recently watched the first 3 episodes of Yugioh 5Ds. Here are my first impressions.

Before this, I didn’t know anything about the show other than “card games on motorcycles”. I went in expecting a silly premise, and was met with a surprisingly dark, dystopian setting. There are characters forced to live in poverty, a mass surveillance tracking system that can be tattooed onto people’s faces – now that’s some creepy stuff.

And . . . actually, there’s still that silly premise. The high-speed motorcycle antics look ridiculous. But I’ll admit they’re kind of cool, too. If you’re able to overlook how extremely dangerous playing card games on motorcycles would be in real life, then you might find that watching it in an animated show is exhilarating.

I couldn’t find the Japanese version, so I watched the English dub. I don’t know much about what differences there might be, but I did hear that the English version of episode 2 gave Yusei a fear of bugs that he didn’t have in the original, just to add tension. I was looking forward to seeing the stoic Yusei show fear for once. However, as it turns out, that “fear of bugs” had basically no impact. Throughout the duel, Yusei’s supposed fear was never demonstrated in his voice or his face. There was zero indication that he feared bugs, other than a quick comment from another character. We’re just left to assume that he’s silently feeling fear under that blank expression.

This moment from episode 2 is a very small detail, but it does bring me onto another topic: the tendency of the Yugioh franchise to feature invincible protagonists.

As I watch the earliest episodes of 5Ds, trying to get my head into the show, there is one thing that somewhat diminishes the tension for me: I’ve already been spoiled that Yusei goes totally undefeated in his series. (Except for one flashback duel he has against Jack.)

Of course we love to see our heroes win. But isn’t a story more interesting if they lose a few times as well?

I’ve watched the original Yugioh Duel Monsters series, about half of GX, and barely started 5Ds. It’s been a very long time since I’ve watched the first two. But Raphael’s triumph over Yugi in their first match, Jaden’s loss against Zane – these duels stand out in my memory. When I first saw them, they startled me, because they went against the expectation that the hero would win all the time.

I’ve heard that episode 30-something in 5Ds has Yusei nearly lose a duel – but he crashes his motorcycle before it can conclude, causing him to not-lose on a technicality. It really says something that this is the episode I’m most looking forward to reaching. I’ve just barely begun to watch Yusei win duels, and already I’m waiting for him to (almost) lose one.

When I was a little kid watching the original Yugioh series, I was also a big Pokemon fan at the same time. (I still play the Pokemon games, but haven’t seen the anime in years.) It really stuck out to me, how Yugi won all the time and his rival Seto Kaiba could never hope to beat him. This was in stark contrast to Pokemon, where Ash was a perpetual loser who remained a step behind his rival, and never became the champion of tournaments.

Yugioh is the first franchise that pops into my head when the phrase “invincible hero” comes up. But why is that? What is it about Yugioh that causes it to have virtually unbeatable protagonists? It’s not merely a desire of the writers to make them look cool. It’s the nature of the Yugioh world that forces its heroes to pretty much always win.

The main reason is that the stakes are always so high. If losing a card game means the destruction of the world, the death of a friend, or even just giving up your precious motorcycle, then there’s no way you can let the hero lose. The story can’t afford that loss.

Also, there’s no real way to “recover” from a loss. To explain what I mean by this, I’m going to mention another TV show. It’s been many years since I watched Xiaolin Showdown, but if I recall correctly, the heroes and villains of that show were constantly fighting over magical artifacts called Shen Gong Wu. The “proper” way to win one of those was to defeat your opponent in a showdown (games that had varying rules). However, this didn’t stop the characters from trying to acquire them through other means. Both the good guys and bad guys were regularly sneaking into each other’s houses in order to steal some Shen Gong Wu. Basically, even if you lost a showdown, you could still get the item back later on, using good old-fashioned stealing.

But the Yugioh world doesn’t allow that. In the Yugioh world, everything is dictated by the results of card games. For some reason, a police officer losing a card game prevents him from physically walking over to you and arresting you.

What if Yusei had lost the episode 2 duel where he bet his motorcycle? In another franchise, maybe he could just steal the motorcycle back later, but it’s hard to imagine him doing that in the Yugioh universe, where everybody abides by the Law of Card Games. It’s rare to see a character disobey whatever terms were set before the duel. (Or just skip the duel and go straight to trying to punch the hero.)

Oh, and another important aspect is that “fighting”, in Yugioh, means a game. Games have defined rules for wins and losses. There isn’t much room for a hero to wriggle out of a tight situation, other than just winning.

In other universes, where “fighting” means physically beating each other up, there aren’t really any hard rules. If the hero is battling an enemy and realizes they’re being overwhelmed, they can retreat. What matters is they stayed alive to fight another day. In Yugioh, you can’t really run away from a duel, because that’ll count as a surrender and therefore a loss. Duels can end without a conclusion, but these are relatively rare because they require outside intervention, something more complicated than one player choosing to flee.

And then there are other stories where “fighting” also means a game. Stories that revolve around tennis, baseball, cook-offs, other card games, and so forth. While I’m sure that exceptions exist, in general, I’ve found that these stories have lower stakes than Yugioh. If our protagonist enters a mundane singing contest and loses, then he . . . just loses a contest. It might suck for him, but it’s not exactly the same type of loss as the world being destroyed.

So there you have it: Yugioh protagonists are invincible because the story’s stakes are too high for them to lose, and the rules of playing a game mean they can’t do anything more creative than just straight-up win.

If the heroes do lose, then either it’s in a low-stakes environment (such as playing a friendly match against a buddy), or it has serious consequences that the hero must expend a large amount of effort to deal with (such as Atem losing Yugi’s soul and having to spend the rest of the season trying to get him back). Obviously, the latter is not something you can repeat very often.

Despite this light criticism, I have overall enjoyed the parts of the Yugioh franchise that I’ve seen. But this does make me wonder (about stories in general) how a writer might sustain the tension in a story, even if it’s apparent that the hero will win.

[introvertguide]

Vertigo (1958); AFI #9

We are taking another dip into the AFI top 10 with the highest rated Hitchcock film, Vertigo (1958). This film was not well rated critically or at the box office upon initial release despite being game changing with its innovation in plot and filming. The film was nominated for Best Sound and Best Set Direction, but those were 2 aspects of the film that seemed the least award worthy. I am not sure about the sound design, but I agree with the set direction. Worthy of nomination would have been cinematography and score as well. Maybe best adapted screenplay. I would not say this is Hitchcock’s best directing since he did more as a producer pulling together great talents then he did as a director. We can discuss more about that, but I want to go over the plot first:

MAJOR SPOILER WARNING! WATCH THE MOVIE BEFORE READING FURTHER!!

The film starts with a rooftop chase in which a policeman dies trying to help a detective who slipped and is about to fall. The policeman dies attempting to save the detective and the detective is mentally traumatized by the event.

The detective turns out to be Scottie Ferguson (James Stewart) and he has decided to retire from the force because of his acrophobia that brings on a sense of vertigo. (Note: There was a very poor understanding of phobias at the time and almost all of the information given seems pretty silly compared to the accepted understanding of phobias today, so I consider it more that the characters do not understand. I don’t want to nitpick a 60 year old film when the psychological field has progressed so much since then.) He has a friend named Midge (Barbara Bel Geddes) that wants to help him get over his fear and get back on the force, but Scottie seems like he will have to take it slow. 

Right as Scottie has healed physically, he is contacted by an old friend to act as a private detective. Gavin Elster (Tom Helmore) requests that Scottie follow his wife around since she is acting strange and has an unhealthy attachment to a woman who committed suicide in the 1800s after losing a child. The wife is named Madeleine (Kim Novak) and Scottie tails her throughout the day and finds that she purchases things associated with this dead woman and goes to places related to the woman. He finally witnesses her attempt suicide by jumping into a bay and he jumps in and saves her. There is a scene of what today seems awkward because Scottie brings Madeleine home and strips here out of her wet clothes instead of taking her to a hospital. I guess it was normal at the time because she is thankful and then she leaves in the morning.

Scottie has become smitten so he tracks down Madeleine the next morning and spends the day with her but doesn’t mention he was hired by the husband. They spend the day together and she goes in and out of a trance like state until they finally go to an old mission and Madeleine runs up into a bell tower and commits suicide. Scottie tries to follow and stop her but his acrophobia slows him down enough that he doesn’t see the jump, only the falling body. In any case, Madeleine is dead and Scottie is again traumatized.

Scottie is not blamed for the death, but he goes into a catatonic state and stays at a sanitarium for an undetermined amount of time. The doctor tells a visiting Midge that it could take 6-12 months to get past his trauma, and she mentions that Scottie was in love with Madeleine and the doctor says that is even worse. Scottie eventually is released, yet he has not completely recovered and goes to all the places that Madeleine used to go. He becomes more obsessed and is elated when he bumps into a woman named Judy Barton who looks identical to Madeleine (also played by Novak). Scottie creepily follows Judy home and talks his way into her apartment. 

This is where things get weird. Scottie talks his way into her apartment and then takes her on a date. It is revealed to the audience (but not Scottie) through a flashback that this is the same woman that was known as Madeleine, but a different woman had been thrown from the bell tower right as Madeleine had reached the top of the tower and Scottie had missed it due to his problems with vertigo at heights. The woman has brown hair and wears a different style of clothes, so Scottie becomes obsessed with changing Judy until she looks just like Madeleine. The audience doesn’t know who to feel sorry for because Judy is made out to be lying to make Scottie feel crazy, but she obviously has feelings for Scottie. He, on the other hand, has been tricked and is going crazy becoming dangerous and emotionally abusive to Judy. 

They go around to different shops and services until Judy is successfully transformed back into Madeleine when she makes a mistake of putting on a necklace that was one that Madeleine was supposed to be obsessed over and Scottie realizes he has been tricked. He suddenly decides to drive Judy (completely dressed as Madeleine) back to the bell tower and it is revealed that Judy was a paid actress that Scottie was asked to follow thinking it was Elster’s wife while the real wife was killed and thrown off the roof. Scottie was chosen specifically because he wouldn’t be able to climb the tower despite seeing her go up. 

Scottie physically (and abusively) pushes Judy up the stairs up to the top where she confesses everything. They are suddenly surprised by a nun who is coming up to ring the bell and Judy falls to her death from the same bell tower. The nun rings the bell and Scottie looks down and the movie ends.

One thing to note about the movie is that the whole thing takes place in and around San Francisco. It is very scenic and at times seems almost like an industrial film promoting tourism for the area. This is prominent because the location was the first thing decided about the movie. Alfred Hitchcock went to San Francisco, called it the Paris of America, and decided to make a movie set in the city before he had any kind of story in mind. This was not the first time he did this, but it still seems like a weird starting point to me. Needless to say, there is a really cool driving tour about all the Vertigo locations in the Bay Area that makes for a really nice overview of the area.

I understand that Hitchcock was a fan of blonde actresses in their 20s and that he had a great working relationship with Jimmy Stewart as his go to lead actor, but this made for somewhat awkward love interests in some of the movies in the late 50s and early 60s and this was no exception. It is especially awkward when Scottie is going crazy and forcing Judy to dress in a certain way and pushes her up to the top of a bell tower. Knowing the stories of Hitchcock, that might have been entirely intentional. Another aspect that is a little weird is how obviously bad that Scottie is at being a detective. His inability to follow a suspect without being blatantly obvious is laughable at times. 

Despite this being called Hitchcock’s masterwork, I can’t praise this movie without noting all the things that he did not do. San Francisco gets points for being naturally beautiful. Associate producer Herbert Coleman did a great job finding beautiful locations. The screenplay of Vertigo is an adaptation of the French novel D'entre les morts (From Among the Dead) by Pierre Boileau and Thomas Narcejac. The actual adaptation went through the hands of 3 different writers finally ending with Samuel Taylor, the writer of other classics such as Sabrina and Avanti. The intro to the movie was done by the great Saul Bass. The costumes were done by the great Edith Head. The 1st unit DP Robert Brooks made all of the location shots blend beautifully and the 2nd unit DP Irmin Roberts invented shots to create the vertigo effect. Bernard Hermann once again stepped in and created a haunting score that was robbed for not getting an Oscar nomination. Of course, Alfred would have been lost without the help and patience of his wife Alma, who was never credited but apparently helped quite a bit with the editing process on this film. 

Even beyond the original making of the movie, the film negatives were restored to amazing quality by Robert Harris and James Katz in 1996. Hitchcock held on to the negatives and the movie was not shown until after his death and the prints look faded and dingy when finally released in 1984. Over a decade later, the movie was chosen for restoration and it was suddenly considered an artistic classic. It has been opined by critics that the film actually looks better now than Hitchcock ever imagined it would, so it can be argued that this is much more than a Hitchcock movie. 

I do think that the restored film is a beautiful masterpiece, but I can imagine that the film was not as well received on initial release because the first hour is almost completely beauty shots of San Francisco and it would have gone over pretty poorly if the film was of low quality. Maybe a bit of a hot take, but I think the movie has become better over time. This seems more apparent because the recognition for the movie didn’t happen when it was first rereleased into the public in 1984, but suddenly became a masterpiece in the late 90s after it was remastered. 

So should this movie be on the AFI list? Oh yes. Shot as almost a love note to San Francisco and the California Bay Area, this is a very American film. Also, the invention of the dolly zoom to imitate the feeling of vertigo has been used widely throughout the industry. Also, the idea of introducing the plot twist to the audience 30 minutes before the main character was risky but ingenious. Absolutely one of the best movies (at least the restored version I have seen) of all time. Would I recommend it? Yes. It is neither my favorite movie of all time nor is it even my favorite Hitchcock film (that goes to Rear Window), but it is a truly great movie and worth going out and finding for a watch. Appreciate the acting, the use of color, the vertigo zoom, the beautiful scenery, and the great story that was conceived on a trip in 1951 and was eventually restored to near perfection almost 50 years later. Please see it and enjoy.

[lovelylunarwriting]

Ravenclaw!Jungwoo x Hufflepuff!Reader

Sports aren’t really Jungwoo’s thing… but socializing?? Absolutely.

So when Taeyong is like “hey man let’s go cheer for Hufflepuff at their match this afternoon!”, Jungwoo is like “Big crowd?? Full of friends? Sign me the heck up”

But mostly he says yes because he’d never pass up an opportunity to flirt with Taeyong and get him as flustered as possible.

Taeyong lets him know that he'll meet him outside the Hufflepuff stands, and they split up to attend their respective classes for the day.

Aka Jungwoo goes to Transfiguration and spaces out/doodles on his notes the whole time.

His attention span is… questionable to say the least.

After Doyoung nudges him, letting him know the class is over, Jungwoo skips on over to the outside of the quidditch stadium to meet up with Taeyong and commence some heavy flirting.

Spotting the distinct yellow robes of a Hufflepuff standing where Taeyong mentioned this morning, Jungwoo struts over to who he thinks is Taeyong and envelops them in a backhug, leaning forward and smooching them on the cheek.

When “Taeyong” spins around, still in Jungwoo’s embrace, to face him, Jungwoo is able to see clearly that this is not Taeyong at all.

This is you. His crush.

By some accident or was it an accident?? we'll see... he's put the moves on you.

Now he's just staring, speechless, and you stare right on back, trying to recover from the shock of a lifetime.

And thinking “I don’t know what’s going on but w o w is he cute- should I feel giddy or violated right now??”

Someone needs to break the silence, and from his deer-in-headlights expression, it’s probably safe to say he won’t.

You: “Ummm, you’re Jungwoo, right? Taeyong’s friend?”

Jungwoo: “I- haH yeAH that’s me. Also *deep inhale* IAmSoSorryICan’tBelieveIDidThatPleaseForgive-”

You: “Really! It’s fine I guess because you’re adorable oh my gosh and it’s now obvious to me that you’re not some creep”

Jungwoo: “Again- really sorry about that”

You: “When Taeyong, Doyoung, and Sicheng told me you had something to tell me, I didn’t expect it to be… well that”

Jungwoo: “Wait, Taeyong and them told you that I had something to say to you?”

You: “Yeah and I kind of expected a confession, but I didn’t expect you to be that forward about it”

Jungwoo: “Expect?? Confession?? You know that I like you?”

You: “Whenever we’re in the same room, you stare at me. And Doyoung’s shown me some of your doodles and a lot of them are my name. You’re really good at writing bubble letters, by the way!”

Jungwoo: “...how long have you known?”, he asks timidly, as if him talking quietly enough could erase the whole situation all together.

You: “I only put the pieces together somewhat recently. All your friends asking me if I’m seeing anyone, if I like anyone, and what I think of you was kind of a big clue. It took me so long to realize you like me because… well I never thought that you would”

Jungwoo: “What? Why wouldn’t I like you, you’re amazing?”, he shouts with enough enthusiasm to make you blush.

You: “Because from what I’ve heard about you from your friends, you seem like such an outstanding person that if I’m being honest, I’m a little intimidated. Plus, I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been harboring feelings for you as well”, you admit.

Jungwoo: “Ahh! Really?!”, he asks, bouncing excitedly in place.

You: “Of course, the way your friends have hyped you up, how could I not?”

Jungwoo: “I’m so happy I may actually faint so you should hold my hand for support”, he says and you can’t tell if it’s just some cheesy line or the actual truth, because both situations seem entirely plausible.

You: “Okay, okay! Let’s head on into the stadium and watch the game”, you suggest and carefully place your hand in his.

All that’s running through Jungwoo’s head at this point is “isthisadateisthisadateisthis-”

He’s a speck of blue in this sea of yellow, so he makes sure to keep a tight grip on your hand so he doesn’t lose you as you lead him through the crowd.

Throughout the entire game, this precious bean cheers the whole time for both teams.

When you’re like “that wasn’t a point for Hufflepuff, Gryffindor just scored??”, he’s like “I know, Lucas shot that goal!! GO LUCAS~!!”

Neither of you out right say it but… it’s definitely a date. Half of the time you watch the game, the other half you’re yelling compliments and jokes over the crowd to each other.

After the game Jungwoo is like “That was a ton of fun.... would you maybe want to do something like that again?”

And of course you agree because he’s just such an enjoyable person to be around and he’s the most adorable boy in the world

But let’s reflect on how y’all got to this point because there 10/10 was some heavy meddling involved.

The big plot behind getting you two together was formulated by none other than the Slytherin dynamic duo that is Doyoung and Sicheng (ft. Taeyong, eventually)

These dudes were sick of seeing Jungwoo clearly lovestruck, but refusing to do anything about it.

When even Sicheng’s cuteness couldn’t persuade Jungwoo to make a move, the boys knew they’d have to take matters into their own hands.

First thing they did was recruit Taeyong because who would think that Momma Taeyong would be up to no good? Literally no one- he’s an angel and a blessing to us all.

Until corrupted by Doyoung and Sicheng, that is.

At first, after Doyoung proposed his masterplan, Taeyong was like “No way, seems sketch”

Sicheng happened to remember and remind Taeyong privately of a particular embarrassing incident he witnessed last year that if Taeyong were to not agree to help, he would be left with no choice but to inform blabbermouth and notorious gossip Yuta about.

Let’s just say from there on out, Taeyong was reluctantly on board.

Doyoung tried to get Sicheng to tell him how the hell he got Taeyong to agree so easily and Sicheng was just like “no way, gather your own blackmail”

But anyway, The Plan™

The meddling Slytherin duo filled in Taeyong of what The Plan™ actually entails and honestly he was just relieved that it wasn’t too crazy.

Their plan was to get Jungwoo and you to go on an accidental date by having you both meet in the same place and hoping for the best.

Taeyong was like “that’ll never work unless we give him some incentive to start talking” so that’s why the boys mentioned to you that Jungwoo had something to tell you.

They just wanted Jungwoo to confess,,, not throw himself at you thinking you were Taeyong.

From there, you know how it ends up- with you and a cutie cheering in the canary-colored crowd.

Dating Jungwoo is never dull because he always has something to say but you just,,, never really know what it’s gonna be. 

You: “Baby, can you pass me one?”, you ask pointing to the silverware, and he silently passes you... chopsticks?

It takes him a minute to notice the “wtf” look you’re giving him.

Jungwoo: “What?”

You: “I’m eating soup?? Why would I use chopsticks”

Jungwoo: “You said yesterday when you were talking to Taeyong about board games that you like a challenge, and eating soup with chopsticks seems challenging enough. So there you go- enjoy!”

And you can’t even be mad because even when he does or says weird things, it’s always with your happiness in mind.

Also- if you think Lucas is a greasy flirt, Jungwoo is worse.

JUST KIDDING, he’s not. 

There’s not a human being on this planet that’s a greasier flirt than Lucas.

Jungwoo does enjoy trying to rattle you, though, whether it be with praising your appearance in an embarrassingly direct way or saying cheesy lines out of the blue.

He’s also super big on being physically close to you, regardless of the circumstances.

Talking to Taeyong? Cool but he’s gonna backhug you while you chat away.

Reading a book? Also cool, but he’ll make it clear that “yeah that couch is comfy I guess but my lap is right h e r e”

He just wants to be near you because he adores you so much.

And the feeling is most definitely returned- you think he’s the sweetest most pure-hearted person you’ve ever met, and are super happy that he feels the same way.

[headlesssamurai]

Have you seen Altered Carbon? If so, what do to think of it?

Alright, I finally bucked up enough courage to do another honest, non-sarcastic, write-up for a piece of media. Just been somewhat bitterly reluctant to voice my true opinions on fiction, or anything else really, since it seems like lots of folks are quite intensely engaged in violent uproars of one kind or another. No need to add more noise to the feedback loop, if you know what I mean.

But you’re, like, one of a dozen or so dudes who asked me about this series. So I reckoned I’d write it up for you, it being such a popular subject and all. I’d also like to thank you for your curiosity. It’s pretty damn humbling to know anybody cares enough about what I think to even ask after my thoughts. I’ll make sure to offer a notary warning before I spill any spoilers.

I became acquainted with Richard K. Morgan’s Kovacs-verse a few years back, but accidentally read one of the protagonist’s later adventures before backtracking to the original novel. I found it to be a respectably well-written futuristic detective story in the grand tradition of vintage writers like Robert B. Parker, even if including the predictably pornographic sex scenes in the grand tradition of modern urban sci-fi/fantasy writers like Laurell K. Hamilton (maybe the ‘K’ middle initial is a code for graphic sex content). In preparation for watching the new Netflix series, I re-read Morgan’s Altered Carbon to refresh my knowledge of the future he created.

Now, I’d like to say I’m a prolific reader of novelized fiction and other books, but I’m not one of those “hardcore” purists who always cries “the book was better” while pounding my fist on the podium. Thus in my effort to avoid any such farcical nonsense, I’m going to sort of examine both the book and the Netflix series of Altered Carbon at once, and write about what I enjoy and dislike about both versions, instead of directly comparing them.

I’ve grown so cynical with modern film and TV, I tend to unintentionally generate lists of what I think they’ll change about a book’s story once they adapt it, and what they’ll add and leave out. Usually, these lists are fairly accurate. Game of Thrones, for instance: how depressing it is to be absolutely correct some times. Not that the books were much better, but a pinecone up the ass doesn’t make a kick in the nuts feel any better.

A lot of people would describe Altered Carbon as having cyberpunk vibes, and this is true, but I believe it fits more comfortably into the realm of biopunk than anything else. If you’re not familiar with the concepts herein, Altered Carbon involves a distant future in which humanity has colonized the stars over many generations using sleeper ships, and with a little help from recovered alien star-maps, but has not achieved faster-than-light interstellar travel. The central technology in this universe is the cortical stack, a type of neural backup which allows a person’s consciousness to be digitally stored in a “disc” and uploaded into a new body if they die.

The new bodies are referred to as sleeves, and the filthy rich clone themselves so their sleeves are all identical and genetically enhanced, but most common folk have to accept whatever body is available or is covered by their insurance, or even a synthetic sleeve (which in the novel is a cheap and distasteful thing, but in the series synthetics seem to have superpowers). People can only travel quickly to other star systems in the settled worlds (known as the Protectorate) by transmitting their stored consciousness into another cortical stack on their planet of destination and uploading into a new sleeve there (a process called needlecasting), but physically transporting anything still takes a really long time for ships to travel across the vast distance of space.

Straight out of the gate, this concept does not appeal to me at all. If there’s anything that drains your story of tension and thrills, it’s got to be the idea that everyone lives forever. The way the universe is constructed however, it ends up making the story far more interesting than what I had anticipated. Not everyone can afford to live forever, first of all, since re-sleeving can be an extremely expensive undertaking, and even those who have the money rarely feel the desire to live more than two lifetimes. Additionally there are complications which can arise, such as personality fragging, a type of insanity which occurs when a person is sleeved in one too many different bodies throughout their life.

Certain religious groups also vehemently resist re-sleeving, and for law enforcement various lengthy sentences of storage without the possibility to re-sleeve are the primary means of punishment for most crimes. There are even interesting concepts like criminals who copy their consciousness into several cortical stacks at once, making them difficult to apprehend once and for all. Other criminals and intelligence operatives also utilize virtuality to torture people in a digital environment, allowing them to subject victims to days or even months of agony which equates to only a few hours in real-time. Real death can also still occur, if the individual’s cortical stack is badly damaged or destroyed.

The actual plot involves a former soldier named Takeshi Kovacs, who is paroled early from a criminal sentence and re-sleeved by a rich tycoon who offers to exonerate Kovacs of his crimes if he can solve a murder. While reluctant to work for some rich asshole, Kovacs is almost instantly attacked by mercenaries which makes him curious enough to take the case. Kovacs then works to investigate the purported crime while getting himself into a bit of trouble with the locals, and trying to deal with extreme trauma from his combat experiences.

It’s surprising that in the case of Altered Carbon I was entirely incorrect in everything I thought the producers might add/change/amputate from the original story. I also could not have predicted what they decided to add and how they decided to change certain elements from the story of Morgan’s novel. I believe the series they crafted from his story is competently scripted, very well cast, doesn’t waste too much time with any silly subplots, and is generally a well-paced, adult-themed sci-fi story. Altered Carbon really wants to take itself seriously, in the same vein as things like SyFy’s praiseworthy diamond The Expanse, but its unique setting gets a little too bogged down in conventional tropes for my liking. Gratuitous T&A (as well as other, less commonly exploited extremities) and generous helpings of the fuck-words do not an edgy and intense sci-fi experience make. Good but not great, would be my general assessment of the series.

Don’t get me wrong here, Altered Carbon is plenty intense, even thrilling at certain points, but a somewhat bland smattering of writers and directors, thrown into the recipe with a few others who are brilliant geniuses, create a mixed bag of stylistic choices which don’t always fit together very well. So you’re often left with an unusually faithful adaptation of a badass novel, wonderfully enhanced in certain aspects, but grotesquely mutated in others, and some of the conflicting storytelling elements feel hurriedly stitched together. A Patchwork Man of a story, rather than prime quality tank flesh. None of Altered Carbon’s flaws are crippling however, and all-told I’d say the series is eminently watchable and very worth your while if you enjoy futuristic sci-fi stories.

WARNING: Spoilers ahead.

First the good news. This series stars an extremely talented cast of performers who own their roles with wonderful conviction, and very convincing poise.

Joel Kinnaman has been on my good side since he appeared in The Killing, and even his unfortunate role in the Robocop reboot didn’t water down my appreciation for him. I feel like his role as the newly sleeved Takeshi Kovacs was perfectly cast. Martha Higareda is just a little too cute to be such a badass, but she winds up playing Detective Ortega to that strong female archetype in a far less sensational and much more casual way than what you might expect from the modern trends of scripting for such characters. Though quite the opposite of Higareda in terms of the role she plays, Renée Elise Goldsberry brims with charisma as Quellcrist Falconer, a sort of futuristic Che Guevara if he had also practiced Zen and gong fu, and was a woman. Chris Collins is also incredibly memorable as Kovacs’ A.I. hotel manager Poe.

Ato Essandoh as Vernon Elliott became one of my favorite characters as the series goes on, and though I wasn’t totally sold on the arc of her character Hayley Law as Elliott’s daughter Lizzie completed a very nice trifecta of beautiful lead women who just happen to be racially diverse. The third of these ladies, of course, is Dichen Lachman who I’ve got to say delivers probably the most convincing and most nuanced performance in the entire series, having to run a wild labyrinth of different emotional expressions which all feel very genuine. As was the case with Sylvia Hoeks as Luv in Blade Runner: 2049, Dichen Lachman as Rei hooked me instantly and woudn’t let go. Maybe I just got a thing for sociopathic women or something.

There are also a few minor roles worth mentioning, Marlene Forte does a great job as the overbearing mother of detective Ortega, which again felt very genuine and not forced, Tamara Taylor as ambitious sleazy attorney Oumou Prescott gave me chills with her smug smile (again perfect casting), Kristin Lehman and James Purefoy seem a perfectly matched pair of megalomaniacs, Byron Mann and Will Yun Lee kick ass portraying Kovacs at very different stages of his troubled life, and there is some terrifically believable acting on the parts of child actors Morgan Gao and Riley Lai Nelet.

All that being said, not everything the actors are given to do is particularly well-written, in my humble opinion.

Takeshi Kovacs is something called an Envoy, a type of specially trained soldier who is mentally conditioned to be hyper-aware at all times, integrate and adapt to new environments and circumstances, and even manipulate his own bodily chemistry, allowing him to eliminate the pain threshold, instantly recover from debilitating drugs, and avoid lingering trauma from torture. The Envoys were created to help the Protectorate put-down political dissidents and rebels, which were running rampant throughout the settled worlds at the time of the Envoy Program’s inception. Many of these rebels often followed the outlawed “Quellist” writings of an infamously respected revolutionary leader called Quellcrist Falconer who fought, and lost, against the Protectorate hundreds of years before the time of the novel (and long before Kovacs was born). When she was born, Quellcrist Falconer, like Kovacs, also happened to be from Harlan’s World. In the novel, this reputation causes Harlan’s World to be viewed as a backwater source of rogues and misfits by citizens of more civilized worlds (which is fair, since it’s described by Kovacs as being overrun by crime syndicates and swamp gangs). But even compared to Harlan’s World, Earth is considered a polluted over-populated shit hole.

In the novel he was trained by the somewhat fascist forces of the Protectorate, and the Envoy Corps was an elite black ops group who could be transmitted to any planet and topple the regime in less time than it would take a massive army to win a single battle. In the series, Kovacs is just a random soldier burn during the time of the Quellist revolution, but Envoys were created and trained by revolutionary leader Quellcrist Falconer to combat the very fascist forces of the Protectorate, whom were too used to conventional warfare to properly adapt to Quell’s asymmetrical tactics.

The problem for me, with this particular change in the writing, is that much of the details have been glossed over. I never got a sense of how Quell was able to so efficiently condition her soldiers into such a formidable force, nor did her portrayal emphasize her military acumen in this manner very convincingly. Quell’s character is certainly charismatic and sympathetic to the audience, but I find it much easier to accept that Envoys are the product of sociopathic, strict, and brutal military conditioning than to grasp the concept that a fairly undisciplined group of freedom fighters were able to develop such a sophisticated method of training. If Quell’s rebels were portrayed differently, it might be easier to accept, but in the series they seem more like hippies with guns than hardened elite warriors.

This is one of my only major gripes with the series as a whole, and it wouldn’t even be that big of a deal to me if it didn’t play such a large role in the plot and arc of Kovacs as a character. I didn’t like the way it changed his backstory either.

See, in the novel Kovacs is a former Envoy turned career criminal since Envoys are generally feared by everyone despite their having fought for the Protectorate, so they don’t have a lot of options and their skillset is only useful in a limited context. He’s haunted by his combat experiences, regrets his role in assisting the government in putting down various rebels, and has a cultural misunderstanding of Earth because he’s from Harlan’s World. His criminal ventures could be seen as his own personal revolution, and Kovacs has spent about a century in and out of storage since leaving the military, but has only been consciously alive for about forty years. He isn’t portrayed as a morally centered person, but he has his own system of honor, and he selfishly accepts Laurens Bancroft’s offer because it’s a way out of a lengthy sentence. This gives him a nice arc, because he slowly becomes more morally invested in what he’s doing as certain things come to light, and ultimately risks it all toward the end basically to avenge the death of a prostitute and save a single life, which is a nice shift in contrast from the Kovacs we see leave storage at the start of the book.

In the series Kovacs is a lovesick puppy dog, who misses his one true love. He’s a former Quell revolutionary who also became a career criminal, but the moment he got caught they put him in storage indefinitely, because he’s the last of the Envoys, the rest of which were mercilessly butchered by stormtroopers from the evil Protectorate which has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. When the series begins, he awakens 250 years after he was captured and he finds that the galaxy has become what he always feared, a one-percenter’s paradise ruled by the rich, where the poor are exploited and marginalized and everyone with even the slightest sense of prominence is an irredeemable asshole. Politics aside, this change makes his character arc far less interesting to me, because he doesn’t want to help Bancroft but his reluctance comes from a very different place than the book, and ultimately Kovacs accepts the offer not out of selfishness but because the ghost of his dead girlfriend tells him to.

This also deeply conflicts with the first time we’re introduced to Kovacs, in his usual East Asian sleeve on Harlan’s World where he speaks of caring only for “getting paid” and seems like a typical devil-may-care bad boy. Then when he’s talking to Bancroft, he tells the tycoon “Some things can’t be bought. Like me.” So which is it? Do you only care about getting paid, or can you not be bought? This makes for a somewhat confusing characterization of Kovacs, who one minute is murderously avenging himself upon psychotic bio-smugglers and claiming he cares for no one, only to turn around and behave like a typical romantic the next. It isn’t entirely jarring, but for me it hurt the dark tone and mature themes to discover the central core of the series is a centuries-old fairytale love story.

Sorry. I like fairytale love stories. But I also like darkly thematic dystopian science fiction, and in my opinion the two mix about as well as apple liqueur and olive oil.

This is all, however, as I said one off my only major gripes about the series. And even the sum of its parts aren’t badly executed. Like I said, Quell is charismatic, Kovacs is haunted, and all three actors (Kinnaman, Goldsberry, and Kim as Kovacs in his original sleeve) deliver convincing performances as well as share a great sense of chemistry, so the love story is believable at least. Visual effects and set design are also wonderful, and for such a high concept sci-fi setting it all feels very seamless. Dialogue is well-scripted as well, and most of Poe’s interactions with other characters are some of the best scenes. It’s also nice to see a series that exploits the naked female form to a fault, yet also makes a point to ensure you get just as much if not far more male nudity to surprisingly counterpoint its shamelessness. I haven’t seen this many swinging dicks since the last time I read YouTube comments. Just makes you feel better when the characters finally ride the stuffed unicorn, know what I mean?

Many of the minor roles from the novel are also modified to make certain characters more important, and some of their roles have been altered so that they are completely different people. Some of these changes work better than others. Rei, as Tak’s sister rather than just some asshole crime boss he once knew, was a change in the story that had the reverse effect of how I felt about the altered Kovacs/Envoy backstory. It makes Reileen a more interesting character than just the Big Bad you might expect in such a story, and causes her motivations, maniacal as they remain, to be far more empathic and invested in the events of the plot. In that light, they made the villain stand out as memorable among the bland villains we often get in movies and TV shows now, thanks to the K-Mart quality antagonists so popularized by the Marvel movies.

While certainly not perfect, Altered Carbon still manages to offer fans of science fiction a fascinating world populated by characters who are easy to give a damn about, and a galaxy spanning story of heartbreak, betrayal, and retribution. I personally wasn’t that big a fan of the romantic warrior monk stuff in this particular story, but that doesn’t mean it won’t appeal to others. There’s enough mystery here to keep you guessing, and enough solid dramatic force to keep us wanting more on its own merits, not by virtue of any stupid cliffhangers. Much of the visual style and action sequences are just icing on the cake, really. Though, I confess, I almost jizzed my pants when I got to see the Phillips Squeeze Gun in action. And there’s nothing quite like one of those sci-fi stories where someone picks up a samurai sword, let alone during the finale.

All told, I’d watch Altered Carbon again, and you should too. Regardless of whatever I say, or my own personal preferences, it deserves your attention. Because it may be adapted from a novel, but a least it’s trying to be something different than most of what’s out there right now, even if its poetic love story doesn’t want it to be. So, ignore cynical bastards like me, watch the damn show and decide for yourself.

                    侍    headless                   

[ostrich-on-a-rampage-blog]

Sprace-- • Character B bleeding heavily while Character A tries to staunch the blood but Character B is more concerned about the fact that stoic Character A is sobbing and panicking

So, I’m finishing up that Spot and Crutchie as brothers fic, but until I posted that, I figured I should at least put something else out there. Sorry I haven’t been posting as much. College started back up and that Spot and Crutchie thing has gotten hella long and in-depth and has been taking most of my time. Anyway, without further ado, some Sprace.

TW: Blood, stab wounds.

He wasn’t supposed to have had a knife.

It wasn’t as if Race had been doing anything wrong. Not this time, at least. There were countless times that he had deserved to be beat up, where he deserved the black eye or the split lip that the rest of the newsboys would mock him for–though, Race could always hear the concern in their jabs. If he had actually been fooling around, swindling someone, then maybe it would have made the attack moderately okay. But, Race hadn’t been in the wrong this time.

However, it only took one time for the past, the future, to be carved into cold, unyielding stone. One millisecond, one split-second of hesitation, and suddenly–change. There are innumerable moments, indiscernible from their harmless counterparts, when the entirety of history rests, uneasy, on an apex. Only the slightest breeze, the softest breath will alter the course.

October 15th, 1899.

The sky thrummed with tension, with expectancy. Events brewed together, smoking and scalding. Danger, inescapable. Fate turned her head and held her breath.

It would not be her that stirred the future forward.

He wasn’t supposed to have had a knife.

Race glanced up at the gathering storm clouds, before hurrying forward. He had just sold his last pape, but it was still early afternoon. The headline had been a sure sell–something about a murder near the edge of the Bronx–but Race hadn’t purchased as many papes as he knew he could sell. He wanted to be off early. Free. Besides, he had a meeting–as they were apt to call it.

For almost a month, Race had been meeting up with Spot. It had started with a bet, like most experiences in Race’s life. Race had taken the bet confidently; very rarely did he lose bets made on the races. And this one was a sure thing. Or, rather, it was supposed to be a sure thing. He recalled the complete disbelief that had nearly dropped the cigar from lax lips. His horse had lost. His horse had lost and… And Spot’s had won.

“Pay up, Higgins,” Spot had said, his voice triumphant. “I think you owe me a dollar.”

Race had turned to Spot, quickly recovering from the shock. “I don’t think so. I don’t even have a dollar!”

“Then, why’d you make a bet for a dollar?”

“Cuz I was planning on making one,” Race had explained, rolling his eyes in exasperation.

Spot had crossed his arms against his chest. “Yeah? Well, maybe I was planning on making one. Pay up.”

“I ain’t gonna pay you no dollar,” Race had said.

“Fine,” Spot had said, pressing his pointer finger into Race’s chest. “But, you owe me one.”

Race had felt the warm pressure of Spot’s finger against his sternum throughout the next couple days, firm and familiar. And, it hadn’t faded until Spot showed up at the Manhattan Lodging House one afternoon. Race had paused, his chest tightening with some indescribable feeling at the sight of Spot, leaning leisurely against the Lodging House. Although he had appeared to be relaxed–posture somewhat slumped, a deck of cards flicking between nimble fingers, a smile tightening his lips–Race had recognized the tension that could spring the leader of Brooklyn into action. “You’re with me, Higgins,” he had said, motioning for Race to follow him.

And, he had. There had been hesitation, of course. Race hadn’t exactly known what to expect from the Brooklyn leader. But, there was something calming, something reassuring and constant about Spot, that Race didn’t want to risk by not following the shorter, stockier boy. That first night, they had stopped at a deli, ate cold-cut meat and sharp pickles, sat on a curb and talked until the flickering lights of apartments faded into darkness. Race had left him, reluctantly admitting that he needed to get back to the Lodging House and catch, at least, a couple hours of sleep. Spot’s mouth had twitched, as if he were holding something back. He had grunted a farewell and they had parted ways.

But, two days later, Spot had shown up at the Manhattan Lodging House once again. It became a habit of theirs. Sell papes, head out to Brooklyn, grab a cheap meal, and talk long into the night. There had been one night, only a week later, when Race had stood up to return home and Spot had spoken up. “Oh, come on, Race,” he had said, his voice gruff–an effort to hide some sort of emotion, “why don’t you just stay at the Brooklyn House? It’s closer and it ain’t like we don’t got the room.”

Race had regarded Spot carefully, trying to read into Spot’s actual intentions behind the offer. “Okay, maybe I will,” Race had accepted, still watching the Brooklyn leader for some sort of indication.

Spot had smiled, the motion as relaxed as Race had ever seen it. Once they had reached the Brooklyn Lodging House, Spot had offered his own bed for Race, choosing to take the ground. It had been a surprisingly kind gesture, and the thought of it had warmed Race throughout the entire night.

The next night had been the same, and the night after that.

And, then, Spot had completely upended the entire game. They had been walking to the Brooklyn Lodging House. Race had noticed that Spot had watched him all afternoon, his eyes lit with something that Race still couldn’t place. Then, Spot’s jaw had tightened with what Race recognized to be resolve. Spot had grabbed Race’s wrist and dragged him into a nearby alley. Before Race had even been able to ask what was going on, Spot had grabbed Race’s head, his fingers threading through Race’s sweaty curls, as he kissed the other boy with a desperation that shocked Race. It took a moment, before Race had shaken off the immobilizing surprise. “What… the hell,” he had hissed, once he had backed out of Spot’s grasp.

Spot had glared at him, as if Race were in the wrong. He had swiped at his mouth angrily, before backing up. “Never mind. Maybe you should go back to Manhattan, Higgins.” Spot had reverted back to using Race’s last name, and that offended Race more than he cared to admit.

“Whoa,” Race had said, holding his hands up in defense. “Let’s slow down a bit. What was that? You just kissed me, Spot.”

“Yeah, I did. And if you go around telling, I’m gonna make you wish you hadn’t been born.”

Race had rolled his eyes, suddenly able to see past the hardened exterior that Spot wore as a shield. “Calm down, Conlon. You just took me by surprise is all.”

“So?” Spot had asked, and if Race had not known the other boy as well as he did, he would have been unable to detect the soft fear underlying the word.

“So,” Race had repeated, before surging forward and grabbing Spot, pressing him up against the alley wall. That night, they had shared Spot’s bed.

Everything else had fallen in place easily afterwards. There had been more rendevous in Brooklyn, more in Manhattan. More secret trysts in darkened alleyways, more insistent, frantic kisses. More intertwining fingers, more soft whispers, more tender kisses. More, more.

There had never been enough.

Race grinned at the memories. It had only been a short month, but it still felt as if he had always had Spot in his life like this. Race couldn’t imagine not having Spot around, couldn’t imagine a life without Spot’s lips against his.

“Hey, Race!”

The call interrupted Race’s thoughts and the smile slipped. “Jack, what’s up?” Race asked, turning to face the leader of the Manhattan newsboys. “A great headline today, wouldn’t ya say?”

Jack smiled briefly. “Yeah, it really was. Where you off to in such a hurry?”

Race jerked his thumb in the direction of Brooklyn. “I got a meeting.”

“A meeting,” Jack said, his voice flat, as if he didn’t quite believe Race.

“Yeah, a meeting. You got a problem with that?” Race watched Jack carefully for his reaction, searching for any suspicion on the true nature of his constant “meetings” over in Brooklyn. Jack’s eyes narrowed only slightly at Race’s carefree question, but the Manhattan leader didn’t rise to the bait Race had flung out. There were some mornings, when Race would meet up with the rest of the Manhattan boys at the Square, and Jack would stare at Race, his eyes dark with what Race could only categorize as suspicion. Race couldn’t be sure whether Jack actually knew what occupied his time in Brooklyn.

“No, but, Race, you seem to spend an awful lot of time over in Brooklyn.”

Race shrugged. “Yeah. Spot and I’se good friends.” He grinned cockily. “Besides, I’m making sure the Manhattan-Brooklyn relations stay good. Ain’t that a good thing?”

Jack nodded slowly. “I guess. Just wanted to make sure you was doing okay. And that you was being careful, too.”

“I’m fine, Jack. Anyway, I’ll see ya later tonight. Or tomorrow. Depending how late the,” he snorted softly, before continuing, “meeting goes.”

With that, Race continued to Brooklyn, a grin on his lips and a bounce in his step. The sky was thickening, electricity thrumming through the whirling, portentous clouds. Race figured that he wouldn’t be returning to Manhattan that night, no matter how long their “meeting” would last; Race didn’t exactly want to be walking home in the rain. Which meant, Jack would probably even expect him to stay in Brooklyn. Especially, if the storm raged harder than expected. Race glanced back, trying to determine if Jack was still watching him, or if the older boy had headed back to the Manhattan Lodging House.

He didn’t see Jack, but Race did notice a group of boys trailing behind him. They were big, burly, sneers splitting their faces. Race slowed to a stop, turning to face the boys head on. He raised a brow in their direction. “What brings you fellows over here. Aren’t you Richmond boys?” Race asked, crossing his arms against his chest in an apparently casual manner. Beneath the relaxed stance, however, Race was coiled tightly, preparing for what he expected would turn into a fight.

“Yeah, and what of it?” the first boy asked. He had blonde hair that stuck to his forehead in sweaty clumps, his cheeks flushed.

“Nothing,” Race replied nonchalantly, discreetly checking for ways out if the situation got hairy. “Just trying to make some friendly conversation.” There was an alley just to the right of him and he was pretty sure that, from there, he could edge his way behind buildings and out to a side street down the way. Or, if he bolted, he could probably make it, either to Brooklyn, or the Manhattan Lodging House. Race was nearly at the halfway point between both places.

The bigger boys moved closer and Race instinctively took a step back. “You’re Higgins, right?”

“What’s it to you?” Race shot back. Four on one weren’t entirely hopeful odds. Race figured he could probably take two down relatively easy, and then he would be able to focus on the other two. Hopefully. Race took a second step back, maintaining the distance between himself and the boys.

“We’ve got some debts to settle,” the blonde boy said, and Race took him to be the leader of the gang.

Race scoffed, “I don’t gamble with Richmond boys. You got the wrong guy.”

“Maybe you don’t,” the blonde conceded, “but Conlon does. And we heard the two of you was close. Real close,” he said, drawing out the “s” as his mouth twisted into a grim smile.

“Oh, I see,” Race said, lightly, wondering just what the hell Spot had done to send this gang after him. “Well, seeing as I’m not Spot, I still stand by the idea that you’ve got the wrong guy.” He forced out a chuckle, before backing up even further. “Now, if you’d excuse me, I’ve got to get going and–”

Race cut himself off as the gang surged forward, towards him. He ducked out of the path of the first punch, sidestepping out of the reach of brass knuckles that Race hadn’t even seen the boys slip on. However, his retreat landed him in the path of the fourth boy, a short, robust red-head with a scar splitting his chin. The first punch to his jaw had Race stumbling backwards, but he quickly shoved the throbbing pain to the back of his head as he maneuvered away from the brass knuckles that glinted in the afternoon sun.

This wasn’t going to end well, Race already recognized this. While he had plenty of faith in his abilities to hold his own in a fight, Race wasn’t stupid enough to miss just how pissed the gang of Richmond boys were. And anger could be fatally dangerous, Race knew all too well.

The boys weren’t letting up, though Race glared at them, mentally daring them to continue the fight. They took the unspoken challenge to heart, and Race found himself narrowly avoiding a pair of brass knuckles. Race stepped in quickly, dodging the redhead’s fist’s range, punching him soundly in the nose. He followed the punch with a knee to the boy’s groin, grinning when the redhead fell to the ground.

Without pausing for even a momentary relieve, Race spun on his heel, landing a harsh left hook against one of the boy’s cheek. The boy stumbled backwards, pressing a hand against his cheek and glaring at Race. Race didn’t bother to relish in the small victory, already focusing on his next assailant.

Despite his focus on the fight, Race still couldn’t completely hold his own against the four boys, especially with the other two returning into the fray. The punch to his gut winded him, and Race edged back, realizing that he had to get out of there, damn his pride. A kick to the back of his knee–and when had they managed to circle around him?–and Race collapsed to the ground, instantly pushing himself up to continue the ever-hopeless fight. One of the Richmond boys kicked him in the ribs and Race barked out a hoarse cry of pain, fighting the instinctual urge to curl up around his bruised ribs and wait for the pain to abate. Instead, he pushed himself to unsteady feet, throwing himself at the nearest boy, who nearly tossed him to the side, hurling him into the arms of another waiting Richmond boy. This one, the blonde leader of the gang, grabbed Race’s arms, pinning him.

Race tugged against the leader’s grip, trying to maneuver his arms in order to elbow the Richmond boy in the stomach. “Not so strong now, eh?” the boy asked, chortling. Before Race could come up with a suitably witty response, the leader continued, “We’re gonna show Conlon not to mess with Richmond.” He nodded to one of his lackeys, tightening his grip around Race’s arms.

The gleeful leer was what first alerted Race to his danger. The sharp spike of pain confirmed it. He gasped at the sudden searing across his stomach, bending forward reflexively. The leader laughed cruelly, shoving Race to the ground. He couldn’t manage to catch himself, his jaw taking the brunt of the impact. Race grunted, twisting to face his attacker. Whatever retort he’d been preparing died on his tongue at the sight of the knife the Richmond boy held. The bloody knife. Realization flooded him and he couldn’t think past a constant stream of knife, blood, pain, knife, blood, pain, knife, blood, pain. It grew to a roar, and Race choked out a sob, grabbing at his stomach, trying to stem the blood.

“Don’t really know what Conlon sees in you,” the leader spat. “Give him a message for us, will ya? Tell him he ain’t welcome ‘round Richmond no more.” The leader kicked Race in the stomach, before waving his boys off.

Race gasped around choking sobs, working to even out his breathing, but he couldn’t manage to completely fill his frantically pumping lungs. He arched his back, groaning at the pain that suddenly lanced through his abdomen. Fingers pressed desperately at the wound, which only spiked the pain further. It hurt, it hurt so badly, but Race couldn’t just lay there on the grimy, blood-soaked street, just waiting for Death to take him. He couldn’t give up this easily.

Gritting his teeth, Race pushed himself up to a sitting position. Harsh breaths tore from his mouth, but he refused to be cowed so easily. Race stood, immediately finding support against the brick wall to his right. His legs trembled, but Race was determined to not give up. He glanced back, in the direction of the Manhattan Lodging House. Race could return and Jack would help him, would take care of him. With a snort, Race turned away, beginning the long walk to Brooklyn.

He was no fool. Race didn’t know how much longer he would be able to fight the darkness edging at his sight. But, he did know that, at this time, it wasn’t Jack’s comfort that he yearned for. With a firm resolve, Race started towards Brooklyn, ignoring the way each step jostled his wound further, ignoring how warm blood spilled between his fingers, dripping, dripping–

Dripping. There had been one night, a couple weeks ago, when it had started storming, thunder and thick clouds swirling around the darkened sky. Rain had dripped off the rooftop, endless and momentarily eternal. Spot and Race had sat there, watching the growing storm, listening to the dripping rain. And, if Race closed his eyes, he could hear the constant dripping, sonorous in the deep silence; he could feel the familiar pressure of Spot’s shoulder against his own, could feel the soft warmth that radiated from the boy that only exuded cold hardness around everyone else.

Race stumbled over the uneven sidewalk, his hand inadvertently digging deeper into the stab wound. He cursed at the sudden pain, but continued doggedly forward. It couldn’t be that much farther now; Race felt as if he had already walked miles upon miles. Early on in their relationship, Spot and Race had decided to rendezvous at a small deli, nearly exactly halfway between the two Lodging Houses. The walks there had always seemed brief, but as Race stumbled slowly forward, he realized just how long and tortuous the distance was. It couldn’t be much longer, it couldn’t be much longer. It was a mantra, an anchor. The only repetition that kept Race moving.

That, and Spot.

Race could clearly picture the shorter boy, a soft smirk twisting his lips; his skin dark, his hair darker; eyes that smoldered with humor and strength. He could hear Spot’s laugh: the way it started out soft and gravelly, before growing, rolling, like thunder in a summer storm. He could feel Spot’s hand, pressing insistently into his own, their fingers intertwining roughly.

Only a few steps more, and Spot would be there.

The air seemed thick, muggy, and Race’s breath came in sharp gasps that punctuated each jolting step. Sweat slicked his forehead, itched at his underarms. There had been a summer day, only the week before. The sun had beaten down relentlessly, a cloudless sky offering no relief. They had crept beneath the dappled shade of a tree, and laid there, swimming in sweat, dreaming of fall. Race wanted to be back under that tree, when the future seemed filled with endless opportunities and nothing could harm them.

How much farther could the deli actually be?

“Race?”

With a soft sigh, Race smiled weakly. He had made it. He had found Spot. Race had a couple of witty retorts planned out, either “This is why I’m the gambler in this relationship” or “Boy, those Richmond boys aren’t afraid to bring a knife to a fistfight”. Instead, Race only managed to groan, “Spot,” as he stumbled and fell to the ground.

Spot’s hands were immediately on Race’s shoulders, helping him into a sitting position. “What the hell, Higgins,” Spot hissed. “What did you get yourself into?”

Only because he had known the shorter boy for so long, Race could recognize the worry thrumming beneath the words. “It’s–” Race cut himself off, coughing. He grimaced at the blood that now spattered the pavement. “It’s…” he considered his words. Race wouldn’t be able to convince Spot that he was fine. Hell, he couldn’t even convince himself he was fine. “It’s pretty bad,” Race explained.

“No shit,” Spot muttered, studying the bloody pavement. “Where are you hurt?” he demanded, tearing his focus from the ground.

“Mostly just my stomach,” Race explained.

Spot was silent, as he gently pushed Race’s vest aside. However, upon seeing the blood-soaked shirt, Spot could no longer keep his peace. “Race,” he said, and his voice wavered only slightly. “Race, you gotta tell me what happened.” His hands hovered for a moment, above the injury, before pressing down–hard–to staunch the blood. “You gotta tell me.”

Race groaned at the sudden pressure, trying to push Spot’s hands away. Spot remained insistent, and Race gave up, recognizing that he was too weak to win a fight against Spot’s stubborn nature. “What do you think?” he asked sarcastically, grinning. His teeth were stained with blood and Race wondered if he would ever manage to get the sickly iron taste out of his mouth. “Got stabbed.”

“Who?” Spot ground out.

Race attempted half of a shrug, before giving up when the movement tore at his stab-wound. “A buncha idiots.” Spot continued to glare at him, silently demanding him to provide the information. “Just a buncha Richmond boys. Thought they were all high an’ mighty.” Race snorted. “Boy, did they show me.”

Spot shook his head, anger tightening his features. “They’se gonna pay.” His eyes shot up, dark and vicious, as if he were searching for the aggressors. “Trust me, they’se gonna pay.”

“Mm,” Race agreed. His body was beginning to feel leaden. Already, Race struggled to move his arms, didn’t even bother to attempt moving his legs. Sluggishly, he blinked at Spot, watching the Brooklyn boy’s eyes flicker with an emotion that Race was, simply, too exhausted to interpret.

A sharp slap to his cheek had Race’s eyes jerking open, even before he had recognized that they had slid shut. “Stay awake,” Spot commanded, his voice strained.

“M’s’rry,” Race apologized, slurring the words into two weak syllables. “D’n’t mean ta.” He watched Spot, long, languid blinks interrupting his vision. Something odd struck him about Spot’s eyes. Something… different. Weakly, Race lifted his hand up to Spot’s cheek, brushing at a couple of the freckles there, streaking blood across his cheek. “Are ya… are ya cryin’?” he asked, ashamed at the effort that the small sentence cost him.

“I ain’t crying,” Spot immediately shot back. The words were gruff, as was his entire demeanor. The shorter boy seemed to bristle with an energy that Race didn’t initially recognize. “I ain’t crying. You’se just… not seeing right. It’s probably ‘cuz you ain’t even able to keep your eyes open, huh?”

“Oh,” Race said softly. He brushed limp fingers against Spot’s cheek, before allowing his arm to fall, motionless to his side. “Ya know… I’se real glad ‘at you’se here… with me. D’n’t want’a go… ‘lone,” he said. His slur was growing even more prominent with each word, vowels swallowed in tangled consonants.

Spot jolted at those words. Race groaned as Spot accidentally pressed even harder into the stab wound, but Spot ignored the pained sound. “Listen here, Higgins. You ain’t dyin’. Not on my watch.”

Race smiled weakly, the corners of his lips barely lifting. “You may… be stub’rn, but, Spot,” Race clearly enunciated Spot’s name, but paused to catch his breath before continuing, “Spot, ya ain’t… ya ain’t stupid.” He coughed again, frowning at the seemingly ever-present taste of iron in his mouth. It coated his cheeks, caked his tongue, stained his teeth. “It’s… gonna hap’n. Whether we want’a or… or not.”

“No, Race. You can’t think like that. You can’t just… just quit. Not now, not ever. ‘Kay? Promise me you’se going to pull through this,” Spot demanded.

“I ain’t gonna just… lie ta you… like that.”

Spot’s face twisted and his breath rushed out in a tight gasp. “Race, no,” he managed, finally removing his hands from the stab wound to pull Race into half of a hug onto his lap.

Race leaned into the touch, allowing his eyes to slip shut. Spot rarely initiated contact, and Race had grown accustomed to bridging the gap. But this afternoon… This afternoon, he was far too exhausted and couldn’t reach out, could only hope that Spot would reach for him. Spot’s body shook, and, though Race felt as if he should recognize the motion, he couldn’t place it. Instead, he wrapped numb fingers around the hem of Spot’s shirt and allowed the only boy who had ever truly mattered rock him into oblivion.

He wasn’t supposed to have had a knife.

[oumakokichi]

Since you said in one of your answers "I also still highly suspect Ouma wanted them all to watch their motive videos in order to pinpoint the inconsistencies in them.", do you think that Ouma had actually any idea that their memories were false ? Or do you think that he didn't but could have found that out from seeing everyone's motive and hearing what the others thought ?

He definitely knew that their memories were false, yes! Onseveral occasions throughout the game, Ouma makes various comments that prove thathe knew that they were being watched by an audience, and that the memories theywere “recovering” from the remember lights were actually fake.

In fact, it’s actually incredibly interesting to go back andrealize that the reason Ouma was largely unaffected by the remember lights isspecifically because he suspected they were fake. Tsumugi confirms in theChapter 6 trials that the remember lights’ are only effective as long as thecharacters don’t actually know how they work. Basically, by believing thememories they implant at face value, they cause a reaction sort of like aplacebo effect mixed with déjà vu.

When faced with an unexplained “memory,” the brain’sreaction is to try and make sense of it by connecting it to other memories. Theuncertainty of it is overlooked in the face of that instinctive urge to go, “oh,that’s right, that’s definitely what happened!” On a second playthrough, it’sactually pretty notable how many of the characters often back each other up andunconsciously reinforce the idea of what they just “remembered” from theremember lights by all agreeing on it.

Ouma, however, was an extremely paranoid person by nature.His inability to trust anyone at all in the killing game meant that he doubtedand suspected anything that he couldn’t confirm with his own two eyes. Thisincluded his own memories and backstory. In fact, he makes constant commentsboth in-game and even during his bonus mode about how he’s “been lying so muchlately that even he has a hard time telling what’s true and what’s false.” Oumawas able to remain unswayed by the remember lights because he doubtedabsolutely everything.

These hints and clues are somewhat hard to spot on a firstplaythrough, especially in the earlier chapters, but they’re definitely thereif you look. Even in Chapter 2, when the characters first receive the earliest explanationof what the remember lights actually are and what they do from Monokuma, he’sthe most outspoken character against using them, stating that he’s “afraid theymight have adverse effects on their bodies.” He only agrees to go through withit in the end because it’s what everyone else wanted to do, and because he knewremaining outside the loop and not receiving that additional information wouldput him at a disadvantage.

But afterwards, when the rest of the group begins freakingout, realizing that they can remember the name “SHSL Hunt” but don’t rememberwhat they actually did, Ouma remains fairly quiet. Only when Monokuma remarksthat their “sealed memories are being quite stubborn” and that they’ll need “moreremember lights” to “bring back the rest of their memories” does he speak upagain, outright calling Monokuma a liar and saying that this is clearlysomething he’s doing to them intentionally.

In Chapter 3 when the group decides to use the next rememberlight they find once again and begin panicking over the meteorites and otherapocalyptic disasters, Ouma very quietly says that he’s disappointed in all ofthem. Saihara overhears and asks what he means, and Ouma backtracks by sayinghe was just talking to himself. But it’s very clear on a reread that he wasactually talking about being disappointed that they were all falling for suchan obvious ploy so easily.

In the same conversation, he also foreshadows the existenceof the virus that gets revealed in the Hope’s Peak remember light in Chapter 5.He says that the twists and turns are so huge and unexpected, he wouldn’t besurprised if the meteorites had “carried some kind of virus with them fromspace,” to which Momota replies that that’s “far too unrealistic, likesomething out of a sci-fi work.” Ouma then lampshades the fact that they’repractically living in a sci-fi work, pointing out that they take things like “Exisals”and “remember lights” at face value. So this also implies that he highlydoubted and suspected the nature of everything around him.

Even in his FTEs, there are tons of hints and clues implyingeven early on that he took nothing, not even his own memories, for granted. Heconstantly encourages both Kaede and Saihara to doubt and think criticallyabout the world around them, attempting to get them both to catch on to thesame realizations he likely had very early on.

When Kaede snidely remarks that Ouma can’t possibly be theleader of a secret organization because it goes against “common sense,” he evenquestions her as to what the definition of “common sense” is and who defined itin the first place. The world is shaped by people’s belief; even somethingwhich isn’t true can be treated as such if most people believe that it’s true. This,of course, ties directly in with the overall themes of ndrv3 as a game, and howlies can be just as meaningful and impact the world around them just as much asthe truth.

In his fifth FTE with Saihara, when Saihara says that “noone is pleased to be deceived,” Ouma wryly asks if that’s really the case. Deceptionscan “become reality”—and the real truth, he says, might not always be somethingpleasant or desirable. Then he outright states that even Saihara, standingthere in that very moment, might actually be in the midst of being deceivedwithout realizing it, which is completely true when you take their falsememories into account.

It’s plain to see, looking at all of the evidence, that Oumadefinitely knew that their memories were false. His doubt and suspicion was adouble-edged sword: it was what allowed him to catch onto deception and tricksfar earlier than the rest of his classmates, but it was also ultimately whatcaused his own downfall in the end, because he was completely unable to fullytrust or open up to others. It’s not a flaw unique to him though; Kaede, Amami,and several other characters all fell into the same pitfall.

Still, it’s fascinating to realize just how smart and perceptiveOuma was in hindsight. He does such a good job of playing dumb and doing the “obfuscatingstupidity” trope that it’s a little tricky to realize it, but at some point itbecomes clear that he knows way, way more than he’s letting on. Going backthrough the game and trying to catch back onto those hints that flew right overmy head the first time around has been really rewarding, honestly.

It’s also unclear whether his ability to catch onto how  they were all being deceived by the rememberlights was just due to his paranoid nature, or whether he might actually havehad some kind of analytical talent which helped him catch on sooner than therest. After all, since his Supreme Leader talent is all but stated outright tobe a lie, it makes sense then that his real talent has to be something else.

But regardless, Ouma was still highly intelligent and stillrealized so much more about what was going on with their memories much soonerthan the rest. As someone who specialized in lies himself, he was expert atdetecting the lies of others, and he knew that the memories and backstories theringleader was implanting them with couldn’t be anything good—because they wereall ultimately meant to be used as “motives” to try and force them to kill.

One of the saddest things about Ouma having taken andwatched his own motive video is that he couldn’t take even that at face value.Despite the fact that he could probably “remember” DICE quite clearly, hecouldn’t believe anything about them or let himself treat them as real people,or else he would’ve risked falling right into the ringleader’s trap. So he wentthrough the game having to doubt and suspect even a huge part of his ownidentity, probably ever since Chapter 2.

I hope I could help answer your question! This sort of thingis a huge part of why I love Ouma so much as a character, so I’m glad I hadanother chance to talk about it! Thank you!

[ncfan-1]

K, M, and P for the meme please :)

This got long.

K - What character has your favoritedevelopment arc/the best development arc?

Ibelieve that one of the last few times I played this meme, I answered LondoMollari from Babylon 5. I still standby believing he has a fantastic character arc (And if you’re curious about Babylon 5, it’s a fantastic show, and he’sone of the best parts of it). A lot of people, I know, would put Zuko down forthis one. But having replayed KOTOR 2 recently, I think the Exile (when youplay Light Side) has a great character arc throughout the course of the game.Granted, this is kind of dependent on player choices even beyond being LightSide, and is kind of dependent on my head canon, but me, I play that game andwatch a broken-down, apathetic woman regain her sense of purpose, refuse to letgo of it again, and save the galaxy in the process. The whole game is heremotional journey, and it’s incredible to watch.

M - Name a character that you’d like to havefor a friend.

IdrilCelebrindal, and also her husband, Tuor, from the Silmarillion would both make very good friends, I think. Idril iswise and perceptive, and Tuor is optimistic and determined.

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (wealways need more ideas).

(Thisactually happens to be a fic—or fics—idea I’m planning on writing eventually.)

Okay,after the events of KOTOR 2, the Exile—Kalani—goes looking for Revan. Atton’salong for the ride, because no matter what TOR or that novel have to say on the matter, the trajectory of the game wasdefinitely pointing towards him going with her. So it’s them in the Ebon Hawk, with T3-M4 and HK-47.

Theystop at Citadel Station to drop off everybody else, since as it happens,everybody else has other plans (Asides from rebuilding the Jedi Order, that is;it’s an important goal for them all—asides from Mandalore, and maybe Atton andMira—but secondary to their concerns right now). Bao-Dur’s getting back in withthe Telos Restoration Project. Mira’s heading back to Nar Shaddaa to settle oldaffairs there, and for other reasons that she doesn’t want to share with therest of them. Visas has hitched a ride with Mandalore and the Mandalorians backto Dxun; why, no one but her and Canderous really seem to understand. Mical isresuming his search of various Jedi Academies across the Outer Rim, and he’sbeen given clearance to enter the Temple on Coruscant, so he’s going to gothere and see if anything can be salvaged (He’s also planning on readying it asa base of operations for what admittedly is going to wind up being an extremely decentralized new Jedi Order).They’re also dropping off the HK-51 droids that showed up out of nowhere on theship after they were done on Malachor V, much to everyone (sans HK-47’s)relief.

Kalaniinsists on taking Atris with them in the EbonHawk. Atris isn’t really good to be left to her own devices right now—thoughKalani is more worried about Atris doing harm to herself than others—and needssupervision. There’s also the matter of getting her away from all of those Sithholocrons, and figuring out what to do with them (Kalani is seriouslycontemplating putting them in a box and letting them drift into the neareststar; it seems the safest way of disposing of them). Brianna is coming alongfor the ride, too. Atris had sent the other Handmaidens home to Eshan, buttheir family wouldn’t take Brianna, thanks to the stigma against children bornout of wedlock in their culture, and the fact that Yusanis is no longer aliveto shelter his youngest child. Brianna doesn’t really have anywhere else to go,so the Ebon Hawk and the search forRevan is her only real option.

Somebodyelse hitches a ride on the Ebon Hawk atTelos: Bastila. Carth can’t join the search, as much as he would like to.Revanasi is not part of my fic head canon, though I don’t mind the ship itself.Instead, I imagine their relationship as being rather like Marlin and Dory’s inFinding Nemo and Finding Dory, and a good quote for it would be Guinan’s from TNG’s ‘TheBest of Both Worlds’: “closer than friends, closer than family.” Carth ishorribly, intensely worried about Revan—whose post-brainwashing name is Jìngyī Yuen—buthis duties in the Republic fleet don’t allow him to leave to go looking forher. Bastila is also horribly, intensely worried about Jìngyī; she wants to findher, bring her home, and she feels that the bond the two of them share mightallow her to help Kalani in the search.

It’s…not a fun trip.

Atton,as you can imagine, is extremely tense with Bastila and especially Atris on board, worried of one or both of them digginghis past out of his head. He and Kalani have an understanding that what theyspoke of was between them, and Kalani agrees that it would be bad, really bad, if Atris found out, even asshe is now. Atton is okay with Kalani; he’s okay with Bao-Dur, with Visas andMira, even somewhat okay with Mical nowadays. But he is not okay with Atris and Bastila, especially as, to him, they’reboth the embodiment of the Jedi who could not give less of a fuck as the OuterRim burned during the Mandalorian Wars, but were more than happy to try to tearthe galaxy apart during the Jedi Civil War. He avoids Atris and tends to becool, bordering on hostile, towards Bastila.

(Thefact that Atris is his girlfriend’s ex doesn’t help matters. He knows thatrelationship is stone dead, but the fact that the two women still have suchstrong reactions towards each other, pretty clearly still have feelings for oneanother, well… Atton is both more than a little insecure, and more than alittle worried for Kalani’s well-being.)

Kalaniis still recovering from everything that happened with Kreia, and the idea thatshe is a Wound in the Force and may or may not be unconsciously psychicallydominating her companions is weighing heavily on her mind, even with Micaltrying to reassure her that the Council was full of shit and were so ready tochalk up every success of hers to her being a Wound in the Force that they didn’teven take into account that she is genuinely a very inspiring person withouttaking the Force into account. Her history with Atris complicates mattersfurther; all the old wounds there, the scar tissue slowly pulling open.

Andthere’s the fact that she’s dreading having to meet with Revan again. She knewRevan the legend much better than she knew Revan the person. They didn’t getalong very well, and there’s the fact that Revan basically set Kalani up to beeither killed or turned to the Dark Side at Malachor V; I feel like evenwithout HK-47’s comment about Revan ‘cleaning house’ at Malachor V, she couldprobably have extrapolated that. Kalani isn’t like Bastila. Kalani doesn’t knowJìngyī Yuen, redeemed; she only knows Revan, whom she once idolized, and whonow inspires mingled fear and loathing in Kalani. Kalani is trying to trackdown Revan because she believes that that’s what’s best for the Republic, butthat doesn’t mean she has to like it.She and Bastila, who was close to Jìngyī, after all, get into arguments aboutit from time to time.

I headcanon Bastila as having once been a student of Atris’s. I’ve noticed as I playthrough KOTOR I that she has some mannerisms in common with Atris—the way she gesticulateswhen she talks, for instance. Her tendency towards dogmatism, her (stronglyimplied) isolation from her peers, going far beyond what I would expect fromeven a Jedi, and the fact that Bastila is frankly the most tightly-wound personI have ever come across in a piece ofStar Wars media, have Atris’sfingerprints all over them. I imagine Bastila as having come under Atris’s careafter the Mandalorian Wars broke out and Kalani left to fight. Atris would havebeen a stern teacher even at the best of times, but after this happened, yeah,Atris was not the sort of person who should have ever been put in charge of a child, especially not a naturallyhigh-strung child like Bastila probably was to start with.

MyBastila actually left the Jedi Order a few months after the events of KOTOR I.She had a strong desire to proactively go good that she had no outlet for nowthat the Jedi Civil war was over and the Jedi were expected to file back totheir surviving Enclaves and Academies, withdrawing from the affairs of the galaxyat large. She had questions for the Council that they had no answers that theywere willing to give her, like why they’d been treating Bastila more like aweapon than a person over the last several years. And Bastila had noticed adifference in the way she was treated post fall and redemption, a differencethat made her feel even more isolated and alone than she already had.

Soyeah, Bastila left the Jedi Order, and proceeded to become the second personthat year to have a nervous breakdown/existential crisis in Carth Onasi’sliving room (I head canon Jìngyī and Bastila both as having crashed with Carthafter they, independently of one another, left the Jedi Order after the eventsof KOTOR I). Bastila’s feelings towards the Order are extremely complicated.She wouldn’t have left if she had felt like she had any real choice, if she hadeven the slightest chance for a life she felt like she could actually live with them. She has no lightsaber,and is no longer part of the Order, but verymuch still considers herself a Jedi. After a while of trying, to no avail,to find a job (life in the Order left her extremely ill-equipped for lifeoutside of it), she, with Carth’s help, gets involved with the planetaryrestoration efforts, and being able to do real, active good helps her come toterms, somewhat.

As forher relationship with Atris, Atris came down on Bastila pretty hard after herfall and redemption, but when Bastila actually left the Order for good? Then,the two of them had a truly horrific falling-out, nearly as bad as Kalani’sfalling-out with Atris was, minus the added complication of a previousromantic/sexual relationship. So for the two of them to have to be on the sameship at the same time is, umm, not pleasant for anyone.

Atrisis not murderous, and understands that what she did, regarding the Order,Katarr and Kalani, was wrong, but she is extremely brittle, extremelyshort-tempered, and just kind of broken. She rarely ventures out of the starboarddormitories, and just tends to sit on one of the beds, staring at the wall. Shecan be coaxed into speech, can be coaxed into ‘life,’ but something’s justsnapped inside of her—or, rather, something snapped in her a long time ago, andshe’s just now realizing it, just now feeling it. She’s not sure how to makeamends for everything she’s done, not sure if she even can, and this uncertainty leaves her paralyzed. She gets intobitter arguments with Bastila, into screaming matches with Kalani that leaveone or both of them in tears.

Briannais just sort of left to cope with her surrogate mother having completely fallenapart, and with her surrogate mother’s ex-girlfriend and ex-student being onboard and all of the messy baggage that comes with that. There’s also heremerging Force Sensitivity, and her desire to explore that clashing with thevows she swore.

Juhanimay or may not join the crew at some point. Yuthura Ban, too. This is really, really not a fun trip, and it’s only thedroids who aren’t dealing with baggage.

That’snot to say it’s unrelenting fear, tension and misery. There are a few softerspots.

Kalaniand Atton, with the events of their game taken care of, actually have time todevelop a romantic relationship. PDA freaks Bastila out like nothing else can,which is annoying, but it freaks her out in such an amusing way that they almost don’t care. Kalani and Bastila, whenthey aren’t arguing about Revan/Jìngyī, find common ground commiserating overtheir miserable relationships with Atris. Brianna gets kind of starry-eyedwhenever she speaks to Bastila and especially Kalani, and when the matter isbrought up, Atris is surprisingly okay with the two of them teaching Briannathe ways of the Force; Kalani and Bastila find further common ground inteaching Brianna. If Juhani’s on board, she and Bastila are of course friendlywith one another, and they support each other emotionally. If Yuthura is onboard, she actually gets on fairly well with Kalani and Atton both. Atriscan occasionally be persuaded to come out of the starboard dormitory and spendnon-miserable time with Kalani, Brianna, and/or Bastila.

Whenthey actually find Jìngyī, well… It’s a mess. Partially because Jìngyī is,herself, a complete, fucking mess of a person. Her memories are fractured; sheremembers that Revan found evidence of a Sith Empire beyond the Rim, but solittle beyond that that she’s just stuck searching worlds in Unknown Space fortraces of it. Her sense of identity is fractured. She remembers only bits andpieces of her life before being brainwashed and having the false memoriesimplanted; there are huge, gaping holes in memory. My Jìngyī basically fellapart after the events of KOTOR I, because with the Star Forge destroyed, therewas nothing to distract her from her crawling fears regarding Revan and her ownidentity. Her mental state can be best summed up by the phrase “afraid to sleepbecause every time she does she fears that she will never wake up again, butthat the shadow in the back of her mind will wake up and walk away wearing herskin.” ‘Revan’ feels more like a shadow to her than something, someone she actually was, once. It wouldhelp if her implanted memories had more substance to them, but they’re onlybare bones; they were designed that way, the better to avoid inconsistenciesshe might pick up on (And thinking about a life she never really lived ispainful and confusing anyways). She’s desperately trying to find traces of the SithEmpire almost more because she needs a distraction from her crawling fears thanbecause she’s trying to protect the Republic.

Kalaniwants to hate her. She is, when she finds her, genuinely extremely frustratedwith her, and loses her temper with her easily (Atton is genuinely surprised,but this is easily the angriest he’s ever seen her get). But she can’t hate Jìngyī, because she’s not theterrible, towering figure she remembers. She’s just a frightened, miserablewreck of a person who’s trying in her own fumbling way to do good. She can’tremember Kalani at all. She can’t remember using and using Kalani, and thenbreaking and throwing her away once she wasn’t useful anymore. Bastila has toexplain to Jìngyī who Kalani is and why she should know her. And it’s not goodbecause, oh, look, here’s yet anotherpiece of closure permanently denied to Kalani, but she just can’t bring herselfto hate someone so genuinely pitiable,and that’s just the story of Kalani’s life, having to find a way to move onwhen closure is denied her. Jìngyī is eventually wrangled onto the Ebon Hawk and carted back off toRepublic space. It’s easier than Kalani thought it would be.

[junker-town]

Jordan Spieth’s 7 stages of Masters grief

The world’s greatest young golfer returns to the scene of a grisly collapse. It’s been a long year.

Jordan Spieth has played the Masters three times, as a 20-, 21-, and 22-year old. He has finished second, first, and second. There has not been a more consistently great Masters player at his age in the history of the event. His run at Augusta National has been remarkable.

But when Spieth is in contention on Sunday this year, the viewing public won’t be thinking about his 2015 win, or what felt like a Cinderella run to finish second the year before that. People will be thinking about what happened at Augusta last year, when a back-nine collapse on Sunday cost the then-22-year-old wunderkind his second green jacket. What Spieth himself will be thinking, only he knows.

Spieth is a 23-year-old millionaire and one of the best golfers in the world. It has been a long year of waiting for his return to the scene of one of the great public implosions in a career. Spieth’s public feelings towards the debacle have evolved as time has distanced him from it. Here’s how he has dealt with his Masters grief, in stages.

Stage 1: This is going to hurt.

Spieth’s Sunday woes last year began, in earnest, on Augusta’s back nine. He carded a 4-under 32 on the front nine, and had a commanding lead on the field. Then he stumbled on the par-4 10th and 11th holes, bogeying both. The oil was already leaking before the great unraveling.

The came the 12th, where the tournament came apart.

On the par-3 12th, Spieth’s tee shot came up short, landed on a downslope, and hopped into Rae’s Creek. He then took a drop and hit a fat wedge that splashed straight in. Spieth settled for a quadruple-bogey 7 and lost his lead to Danny Willett.

Spieth recovered after that, with two birdies to one bogey on the last six holes, but it wasn’t enough. He finished second, three shots back of Willett.

Throughout those final holes, Spieth, as you would expect, wore the look of the damned.

Photo by Andrew Redington/Getty Images

Spieth reacting to a bunker shot on the 17th hole at Augusta on Sunday last year. He bogeyed.

At his post-round press availability, Spieth explained an interaction he had on the course with his caddie, Michael Greller:

At one point I told Mike, I said, buddy, it seems like we're collapsing. And I wanted to be brutally honest with the way I felt towards him, so that he could respond with what was necessary to get us to rebound. And we did. I rebounded. I hit a great drive, I hit a good 7‑iron, got a tough break. I made two birdies coming in and almost made a couple more.

But, boy, you wonder about not only just the tee shot on 12, but why can't you just control the second shot, you know, and make 5 at worse, and you're still tied for the lead.

Big picture, this one will hurt. It will take a while.

Stage 2: What the hell just happened to me?

Spieth has been a media darling and fan favorite for the entirety of his young career. He comes across as kind, smart, and prodigious. But Spieth was emotionally blitzed after finishing out his Sunday round last year.

As he walked from the 18th green to the clubhouse, a CBS camera followed him. Spieth stopped, used his scorecard to cover his face. “Just not in the face,” he said.

This was not the polished Spieth everyone was used to seeing in public. How could it be? He had just been through a wringer of his own making on national TV.

Stage 3: It still stings, but I’m moving on.

In early May, Spieth sounded like he had come to grips with what happened. He wasn’t acting like he didn’t think about it, but he sounded fine:

It was 80 percent, 75 percent you have to do it yourself; and then 25 percent relying on my team, family, friends. And then mentors, messages I get from mentors, pretty much saying, hey, you've been in contention six out of the last eight majors, won a couple of them. Something like that; the wrong miss at the wrong time is bound to happen at some point. Whether you still win that major not.

I had the same exact miss at the U.S. Open last year. On 17 I made double-bogey and kind of squeaked it out at the end, but that was potentially the same kind of experience as the Masters. You're going to be on the good end and bad end.

If you're in it enough, you're going to be on the good end and bad end of those situations, so keep putting ourselves in contention, and when we're on the good end again, I'll be able to enjoy it even more having experienced the other side of it.

Defeat only makes victory sweeter, Spieth suggested. He seemed to have convinced himself that everything was going to work out.

“I’m not taking it very hard,” he said. “I’ve got ladies at the grocery stores putting their hand on me and going, ‘Really praying for you. How are you doing?’ I’m like, ‘My dog didn’t die. I’ll be OK. I’ll survive.’ It happens. I laugh about it now. I really do. But it keeps coming up, and I understand that.

“I’ll move on. If you’re in contention at a major, say, 50 times in your career, something like that is going to happen. Just don’t let it happen again.”

Stage 4: Oh, you’re still talking about this? I didn’t know.

At The Players Championship last year, a little later in May, Spieth said he’d put Augusta behind him. He thought people were done talking about it. But this was his first event since late Sunday at The Masters and damn near every question was about that finish. The Players Championship might as well not have existed in that press conference.

At this point I don't think people feel sorry for me. It's the nature of the game. There's a lot of people who were very happy the way it turned out, people that are fans of Danny, close to him. Again, he earned it. No, I'm not -- I think in the first couple weeks after, but now that golf has been going on for a while, and we'll have big events coming up, they're very difficult to win.

It's not like winning is easy. I don't have another win coming my way in my career necessarily. You have to earn it. That'll certainly be nice for me, to close one down the stretch, just like any time -- 2014 was a rough year. I came -- I was close in a lot of events, and I didn't finish them off. It wasn't maybe to the extent that -- it wasn't the Masters. But they were PGA TOUR events that took me until that off-season to start the train.

But I think people have moved on already, at least I thought so until I came in here today.

He insisted this wasn’t an issue.

I'll just tell you that I'm not affected by it. Again, it was the wrong miss at the wrong time. Yeah, I mean, if I hit a good shot and it catches a gust and goes in the water, it's not because of the Masters. It's not something that was in my head, or if I put a bad swing on it. Again, Augusta seems like a long time ago now, to me. This was a complete new week.

Stage 5: I’m going to do everything in my power to make you shut up.

Later in May, Spieth got his first post-Masters win at the Dean & DeLuca Invitational at Colonial in Texas. Masters-related heckling, he said during the tournament, had irked him.

You know, I knew it would be somewhat difficult to come back from what happened at the Masters. I knew that that was -- I don't wish that upon anybody. I mean, it was not fun to experience. It's not fun to hear people in the crowd walking down today yelling out, “Remember the Masters.” That's just what you hear.

After his victory:

The nerves hit me more than I think they should have or normally would just from the start of the round on today, and that's probably it. Paul Tesori came over on 18 green after I had made the putt, and he said, you heard that guy on 10, didn't you, and I did. Someone yelling out from the crowd, "remember the Masters, Jordan, remember the Masters." Whether he was being positive or negative, I'm not sure, like remember, like get it back because of it, or remember what you did. Either way, there's a little red-ass in me, and it came out on the next few holes.

Photo by Tom Pennington/Getty Images

Spieth won the Dean & DeLuca Invitational at Colonial in Texas in May, his first post-Masters win.

Stage 6: My demons are buried.

Around the New Year, Spieth went back to Augusta. It’s common practice for Masters champions to drop in at non-tournament times during the year. It’s a lifelong perk and sometimes it’s good to just go to the course with friends or family when the stakes aren’t incredibly high and the pressure of the Masters is not overwhelming the place.

Spieth played with Augusta members, and he spent most of his round working from the members’ tees, not the ones used in the Masters. But he teed off from the standard spot on No. 12, the site of his disaster on Sunday last year.

It went really well.

I went there and played there in December. First time back. I was very nervous when I got on 12 tee, and I hit an 8-iron over the bunker to about 15 feet. Greens were a little slower, and I left a lot of putts short.

In the group, I was like, there was no chance I was leaving this short and I hit this putt to about 15, 18 feet. I was pumped to hit the green, and then I hit my putt and it just about stopped short on the front lip and fell in for two. I probably gave like a big fist pump. I was walking around with my hands up, like demon's gone.

And I went back the next day. We played it the next morning and I hit a 9-iron this time to a left pin, and it landed about three feet beyond the hole and it was really, really soft, and it sucked back and almost went in, right on the lip to about this far. So I got two twos out of No. 12 the first time back. Last two times I played the hole, I made birdie.

Stage 7: Time to go win the Masters.

Spieth’s had a strong start to the 2017 season. He missed the cut at his last pre-Masters event, the Shell Houston Open, but has a Pebble Peach win and three other top-10s in his eight starts to date. He is slotted as the No. 6 player in the World Golf Ranking, and he would shoot up close to No. 1 if he redeems himself this weekend.

Spieth might not do it. There are 94 players in the field, and he’ll have to beat Dustin Johnson, Rory McIlroy, Jason Day, Jon Rahm, and everybody else. But a year after the biggest disaster of his career, Spieth looks well positioned not to repeat it. At his pre-tournament presser on Tuesday, Spieth focused on giving himself another chance.

“I hope to have the opportunities that I had the last three years, and that's what I'm going for,” he said. “I'm very proud of the way I've played every single round I've played here. I fought very hard at the end, and that's something that we always do.”