#time war book worked much better in context than the random out of context quotes made me assume it would

[gideonisms]

I have to read things I know are going to irritate me in order to actually be irritated by them. Vibes based irritation is out backing up my opinions is in. But the problem is that means I have to read them

[ladybirdwithoutdots]

do you really need to bring shipper wars in the Austen fandom too?

Full offense but people who deny Emma is in love with Mr Knightley and hate on him because they ship her with Harriet, and pretend she should’ve ended up with her, are bullshit.  I’m tired of these posts (including the Harriet stans whom I saw bashing even in some emma/knightley posts when fans of the latter are the first to make cute posts about Harriet too), and honestly, you all just make me feel very negative about Harriet and unable to truly appreciate her scenes with Emma.

Maybe I just don’t care about being a bitch but here’s what an Emma fan who is just tired of the anti Emma/Knightley crap honestly thinks about your nonsense:

Hating on the last Emma adaptation because Emma is in love with Mr Knightley and marries him in the end is as disingenuos and idiotic as hating a Pride and Prejudice adaptation because Darcy and Elizabeth are in love. Le duh!  You can ship him with Bingley and her with Charlotte (or Wickham, if that’s your mood I’m not judging shipping choices here) but if you watch a movie based on an Austen’s book you know what you are getting yourself into, especially when her canon romances tend to be very important plot elements for the protagonists and their character growth. 

I get it’s 2021 and hating all het romance makes some people feel woke and edgy, and I totally get alternative readings and things like that, but out of ALL Austen ships and all her female heroines, Emma is the one female character who doesn’t even need, neither want,  to get married and truly only does that in the end because she is in love.  Emma is the LEAST Austen heroine whose romance you should even question because she honestly only married the guy because of love and no other reason.   Furthermore, unlike most of romances from that time, the guy Emma marries isn’t just some random guy she has met two seconds ago, it actually is her best friend, someone she knows since years and the one person who knows her best and loves her in spite of her flaws. Austen was very forward for her time with their romance, especially given the fact her male love interest actually decides to live with Emma and her father in the end instead of doing what every married man had the right to do at the time (take his wife to his own home where she’d have little to no power). Knightley and Emma are the (original) best friends to lovers relationship. He’s the best friend Emma had loved from the beginning without realizing it. It’s one of the main points of her story and the great irony of the novel that she thinks love isn’t for her, and she had never been in love, but she already is in love with him without realizing it because of their friendship. I’m sorry bro but that had never been Harriet, and it seems hypocritical tbh for some of you to want to give Harriet the story that Mr Knightley has with Emma, all the while hating on him and the romance. Even with the last movie, you have people take quotes de Wilde said about Knightley and Emma (e.g., the one about the movie making you think about ‘the best friend you maybe should have kissed’) out of context to manipulate others into thinking she was talking about Harriet instead (and queer baiting, which would be homophobic)

On one hand, we really do need more stories that put an emphasis on female friendships too and on other relationships that aren’t just the romance. On the other hand, it’s completely useless for writers to try to give us that  (e.g. de Wilde in the last Emma) if everytime two characters care about each other and share screentime together, people claim that relationship (and all scenes that make perfect sense with a normal platonic relationship) must be romance and romance only. It’s almost as if some of you never had a friend and therefore believe that everytime a character cares about another character they must be romantically in love with them. It also makes me believe, more than anything, that romance is the only kind of love that exists or is important for many of you. And if that is the truth, why even bother with fictional friendships then? Why even complain when writers don’t give us that if we are unable to appreciate those relationships as something of equal importance with romance?

I really can’t take people serioustly when they overinflate Harriet and her relationship with Emma all the while they minimize Emma/Knightley’s mutual feelings.  I read people who apparently find it harder to erase Harriet’s baseless crushes on every guy who gives her attention, than erase the actual love story and feelings of the protagonist! Tbh, even if you wanted a gay adaptation of Emma (and not one that is that just for the sake of), it would make much more sense to simply turn Mr Knightley into a female character, therefore still respecting the canon couple and Emma’s character arc, than ship her with Harriet. The latter is a weak alternative and frankly baseless for me because the only things she and Emma have in common is the fact they are both girls and they have an ‘e’ in their name. Full stop. Intellectually, Harriet is no match for Emma and their ranks in society are so apart that their relationship could never ever be equal (and it never was). I don’t want to be harsh but tbh I was never convinced they are actually friends in the novel, and the last movie made it even worse for they emphasized Harriet’s blindness about Emma’s feelings, and how one sided that dynamic is for it’s just Emma who makes an effort to be a friend in the end. Let’s be real here, Harriet doesn’t even know Emma and never really acts as a friend to her, unless your definition of friendship is ‘someone who worships you, and pretends you are the best and right even when you aren’t, as long as they perceive you as a savior who can help them'.  That’s not what being a friend means to me. It speaks volumes to me that the one and only time movie-Harriet actually notices that Emma is a human being with flaws and feelings too is when she gets angry because Emma wants the same guy she wants. I don’t know if Austen’s ‘naive and completely clueless Harriet’ is worse or better than de Wilde’s version but the latter really emphasizes one of the biggest issues of Emma/Harriet even more, to me. As a book Emma fan, before an adaptations fan, I read all kinds of comments about this novel and character but honestly, I never read any real convincing argument why Harriet and Emma should be a couple instead of her and Knightley. Most of what I read boils down to people taking things out of context and/or claims that Harriet is ‘better’ for Emma just because she’s a woman and she agrees with her all the time, while Mr Knightley is the bad guy because he’s older than her (he’s only 37, btw) and criticizes her ( as if Emma doesn’t need someone to criticize her, and her character growth isn’t dependent on precisely that). I get some people wouldn’t like to have someone who is criticizing them but worshiping someone is =/= being their friend or appreciating their real qualities. I also read people point up how much Emma praises Harriet in the book as proof that she’s in love with her, but the same ignore the many instances, especially after Harriet tells her that she loves Mr Knightley, that truly show Emma’s real colors and how much she still considers Harriet her, and especially Mr Knightley’s, inferior to the extent she regrets their friendship and thinks Harriet is ‘uppity’ for thinking Mr Knightley would ruin his reputation to marry someone like her. When I read those arguments it seems, if anything, that people want to have the cake and eat it by saying that Austen’s own story doesn’t matter (and she doesn’t understand her characters’ real feelings) when it comes to the things those people don’t like (eg the fact Knightley is the one Emma is in love with and all the explicit hints about that ), all the while still selectively using some of her writing to support their alternative version of the story. Now with the last movie adaptation, it’s even worse for me. It’s telling that the two scenes people romanticize as pro Emma/Harriet are two phrases/moments that actually emphasize the bad side of their relationship, and why their friendship isn’t good for either of them. The first is the scene when Emma says she ‘wants to keep Harriet for herself’: not only there is nothing romantic about that ( that line is in the book too as well as Knightley’s ‘your infatuation is blinding you’. You are reading a book written in 1800 with modern goggles though, and that alone doesn’t really work) but that phrase should actually make you cringe for it emphasizes how selfish and manipulative Emma is by treating Harriet like her new pet project just because she’s lonely. She doesn’t care about the girl’s feelings for Robert Martin, and what is truly the best for her due to her rank (and how dangerous it actually is for Harriet to not marry and find someone who can offer her protection), even if it’s what she tells herself, she only cares about her own desire to have a new female friend because she lost Mrs Weston and she feels lonely and bored. It’s also true, though, that she is still lying to Mr Knightley too because she does actually want to match Harriet with Mr Elton, that which is obvious in the other scenes, but even that is an expression of Emma’s selfishness and not really a hint of her caring, let alone loving, Harriet as a human at this point. If you read the book, it’s particularly obvious given the fact that Emma isn’t blind about Harriet’s feelings for Robert Martin for she knows that her behavior is bad and the girl actually cares about the guy, but she manipulates her into thinking Mr Elton is better because it’s her choice and she prefers him (until he proposes to her, of course. Then she thinks Mr Elton is trash for being so arrogant to believe someone of his rank could marry her) The second phrase people romanticize is only in the last movie and it’s that annoying ‘I refused Robert Martin because of you’ phrase by Harriet later in the movie. I hate that because, once again, that phrase has nothing ‘romantic’ about it unless you obviously ignore the context and what is actually happening there. Harriet is being passive aggressive with Emma there, gaslighting her and blaming her for the loss of her first suitor BECAUSE HARRIET WANTS MR KNIGHTLEY for herself. Harriet is angry with Emma there because she realizes she loves Mr Knightley TOO and Emma has more chances than her. The most likely sentiment behind that flippant phrase for me is something along the lines of Harriet impulsively telling Emma to move aside and let her have Mr Knightley because she made her lose Robert Martin already. She is trying to make Emma feel guilty, subconsciously or deliberately, but this surely is how Emma herself perceives Harriet’s words too for the poor girl really thinks it makes her a bad person to accept Knightley’s proposal in spite of loving him back. Harriet made her believe she was stealing her man and yet, AND YET, had Harriet been a real friend, to begin with, she should’ve realized Emma’s feelings for him way before she deluded herself into thinking the guy wanted her. But Harriet never cares about Emma’s feelings and even their reconciliation in the end is all, still, about what Emma needs to do for her. Not a word from Harriet about being happy for her friend too. Nothing.

Listen, I really appreciate de Wilde’s attempt to make the Harriet/Emma dynamic better than it is in either the novel or other adaptations, even if it personally doesn’t convince me it’s friendship. But I get it. Like I said at the beginning, it’s important that movies display different kinds of love too beside romance and if you can’t do that with characters like Emma who are the protagonist then when you can even do that? I think it was valid for her and Catton to want to emphasize the fact that Emma, at her core, is truly young and lonely and she doesn’t have friends in the truest sense of the word (Mr Knightley is one, of course, but their point is more about her having a female companion too whom Emma could do more ‘girl’ things she can’t do with her husband or father) but, honestly, I maintain no adaptation ever truly got their relationship right. No one.  Overrating them and pretending that they are best friends forever when there is no substance for that is as incorrect as an interpretation of Austen’s writing as it is treating Harriet as a silly girl Emma barely tolerates. I appreciate the movie shows Emma’s conflict about Harriet when Knightley proposes to her because most of adaptations don’t do that: in the book she really, for a moment, feels so bad for Harriet and feels simultanously happy Mr Knightley loves her but also bad for taking the guy Harriet wants. She is no hero who wants to give up about him to let Harriet have the guy instead, though, but it isn’t like she doesn’t care either. She does and it’s a source of anguish for Emma and part of her character growth that she actually cares and feels empathy for Harriet.

However, if you want Emma to have a real female friend that’s not Harriet and that’s not really the story Austen wrote and the role she gave to Harriet. Like many academics pointed up, like many of Emma’s ‘mirrors’ in the story, Harriet is put there by Austen to emphasize Emma’s immaturity at the beginning and the fact she deliberately doesn’t choose her equals as friends and picks Harriet, instead, as her new pet project because her inferiority makes her easier to manipulate and, like Mr Knightley very eloquently points up, she makes Emma feel superior and more accomplished than she is. Emma doesn’t want to be friends with Jane, for example, because not only she could be more her equal but she actually does see her as superior in the aspects that make Emma the most vulnerable and insecure.

It’s great the movie gave more space to Emma’s relationship with Harriet, and I get that if you want to put the spotlight on female friendship too it’s either Harriet or Mrs Weston but also, let’s not pretend the movie wasn’t focused very much on her romance with Mr Knightley too, perhaps more than other adaptations did. People commend this adaptation for showing his feelings for her more and it’s true, but I will also argue that this movie does emphasize her feelings for him more than adaptations usually do for you really see Emma’s feelings and jealousy towards him before she even realizes her feelings. It’s obvious since their first scene when she’s waiting for him and runs to her piano because she wants to get noticed by him. Her breath constantly hitches when he’s close to her or because of her feelings for him, and she definitely reacts to dancing with him. She may not know her feelings from the start, she might be in her own ‘work in progress’ to figure everything out, but the movie makes it obvious to me that she loves him. If there is any adaptation where you want to be disingenuos about their chemistry and deny their romance, this really isn’t the one tbh. Look, if you want to headcanon Emma as bisexual you’ll find me agreeing with you, but pro LGBT readings and actual representation doesn’t mean, for me, shipping two characters together just because they are the same gender and the writers make them care about each other a bit, or give them screentime. Like I said at the beginning, if I wanted a gay adaptation of Emma I’d rather make Mr Knightley a woman than ship Emma with Harriet or Mrs Weston or Jane. Because regardless their genders, it’s the Knightley character the one Emma loves and wants to be with, and it’s this character who truly represents her best friend and the person who knows her best. It’s Knightley the only one who cares about her well being so much that when she is being the worst version of herself and no one cares, he is the one willing to tell her even if he hates doing that and he feels he’s destroying every chance he has to make her love him back. It’s the Knightley character who ultimately inspires her to be a better person and loves her in spite of her flaws.

[mercurygray]

Making Of Featurette - Build An OC

Some of you may have seen my post yesterday about how to introduce an OC  and met my new gal, Phyl, who seems to have broken a land speed record on acquiring fans.

The challenge posed yesterday - or more, the question - was how to introduce an original character, but it was also sort of a fun exercise for me to take a look at my process for creating a character from scratch at the same time.

There was some discussion about whether including the Toccoa training sequence was necessary, and while that applies to a large number of BoB OCs, many of whom find themselves included in the unit for various and sundry reasons, it doesn't apply to all of them, so part of the spec was also to create someone to whom that rule wouldn’t apply.

But why ask that question? The opening scenes at Toccoa serve a specific storytelling purpose - they establish the relationship between Sobel and his men, paint a picture of a difficult training program, and create an environment to explain why these men bonded like they did. 

The larger issue here, then, isn't about whether training was important, but rather 'Have your given your character believable context and backstory and set them up for success within the narrative?' For some original characters who are being included in the unit, that context and their integration is essential to the story. For others, that context will need to come from somewhere else.

We also talked about a character's 'purpose' within the narrative. For most of my fics, I start with a specific romantic purpose in mind, but I didn't have one of those here, so I started with a wartime service - the WAAF - and a name. I used common 1920s UK name lists and a random name generator to assemble some possibilities. Having a name to roll around with helps a little, sometimes and can change, too!

The Women's Auxiliary Air Force fills a wide variety of roles within the RAF, but a great number of jobs for women are in technical positions, learning new technologies like radar and range-finding. Assignments at stations closer to the channel would be much busier than those further inland, which solves two problems. One, it means my OC is closer to Aldbourne, which is in Wiltshire, well out of the way, and two, a sleepy station allows for much less technical knowledge because I don't have to describe people actually using the equipment they're seated next to.

So - Air Aux, very technical, (so she's smart) slow assignment (so she's either not good at her job or she asked to be here?). People get bored all the time at work, so they bring stuff to do. My OC needed some stuff. I had a thought that the British Intelligence Services solved a recruitment problem by putting out an advertisement for people who enjoyed solving crosswords. This was a covert way to get in people who were interested in language and could see patterns and think critically. They're cheap, they're published in a lot of newspapers, they're a good way to pass time on a long shift.

Puzzles are always better with a freind, so I started writing some dialogue between unnamed OFC #1 and OFC #2, later Phyllis and Bernice.

Unkempt women, nine letters.

Us.

I think that leaves us a bit short, I said nine letters. Slatterns! Right, thirty five down, a sticker that doesn't know it's been licked - oh, a stamp.

Why do you bother asking?

Because I'm trying to be sociable, and it's helping keep me awake.

Starting in conversation is helpful to me only because people don’t exist in a vacuum - you can find out more about them, I have found, in group settings, than trying to build them away from all human contact.

As I started writing this dialogue, it came out that Phyl (reading the clues) was really good at puzzles (smart again), and Bernice, her friend, wasn't. Bernice asked why Phyl hadn't done something with that, and that question got me thinking - maybe the reason Phyl didn't go into codebreaking was because they didn't want her - because she's of a slightly lower social class. One of the books about codebreakers is called The Debs of Bletchley Park for the simple reason that a lot of upper class debutantes ended up getting posts there because they knew someone.

I fiddled around with some backstory and dropped some references in for flavor, though I'm still not sure where she's from - in my head, Phyl still speaks with an RP accent. I thought about making her from Yorkshire (thank you, All Creatures Great and Small) but McCray is a Scottish name, so her father or grandfather might have immigrated, probably for work, so I considered Hull (boat-building) Sheffield (mining) and Manchester (manufacturing) as possible cities. National Service could be and often was a great mixer of classes in the UK, and allowed women to do and see things that wouldn't have been possible before the war, so a young woman from a working class background could make something of herself with hard work.

Though this didn't make it into the sketch, the magazine I used for the crossword, MacCleans, is a periodical from Canada. I thought about putting in a reference to one or more of the pilots on their base being from Canada, but in the end it didn't work, so the reference got cut. There's actually a story in that particular issue (April 1943) about Bomber Command. A reference to other pilots or officers on base would give me some more characters to play with in later scenes, and possibly set up a romantic entanglement, if the Canadian officer gave her the magazine as a gift, knowing she liked puzzles.

I didn't do too much with this in specific, but as the scene played out, I got the sense that Phyl is older than Bernie by a few years, and has also been in the services longer - she's seen more, heard more, and done more, and is used to this life. And we sort of see that in the scene - she's prepared for the night shift with her crossword and her cup of tea, whereas Bernie is fidgeting.

In a cursory look through tumblr, I found a quote from Sergeant Anne Lowe, talking about the Battle of Britain, saying "You always knew when they were dead when they took their names off the board. (…) There were so many. They mourned each other so simply and with no fuss and went off rushing into the air again. Now at last, we began to know and understand a little and now we knew war. Always there was a sound of weeping. Every day some girl was weeping."

So, someone who had been longer in the service, who had lived through life at one of those busier coastal installations, had lived through the Battle of Britain, had watched a lot of men she'd danced with come back changed or not come back at all, would have a very different perspective than a young woman who just joined and comes with none of that baggage, and is anxious about being on a slow assignment when she could be doing something much more exciting.

The ending line of the scene - "She would learn. They all did, eventually" was supposed to be a hat tip to the fact that something has happened to Phyllis in the past, regarding boyfriends or making new friends, which would hopefully pay out when she meets the promised Americans in the next scene.

So. Started with some dialogue, let the two characters in the scene feel each other out a bit and learned more about them in the process, tried to come up with some backstory that would support them and a story going forward, tried to give them some context within the story and the larger picture of the war, hopefully gave the reader some reasons to come back for the next chapter.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

More on that Anne Lowe quote:>> http://spitfiresite.com/2010/09/battle-of-britain-1940-losses.html

[thanksjro]

Telefunken, A Prequel to Eugenesis: The Future Is Obsessed With Making Babies

OR

All These Materials, And I Still Had To Keep The Wiki Open The Whole Time

This short story was included with the secondary publication of Eugenesis, which happened in 2007, six years after the first run. Yep. He had multiple publication runs. Back when you had to actually go and talk to people about what you wanted published instead of doing everything online. For a novel-length fan fiction about murdering space robots and then having them give birth to tentacle monsters.

I wish I had the friggin’ brass balls Roberts does.

Telefunken as a term doesn’t mean anything in any language, but that doesn’t mean we can’t gain any sort of understanding using context clues.

Tele- as a part of Greek, means “from a distance.” So whatever’s happening is far off. In the future, perhaps? The pre-story quotes certainly seem to imply such a thing.

A couple hundred years into the future, actually. With a list like that, one has to wonder just who the hell can get into Maccadam’s these days.

Funken itself actually is a word- it’s German for spark. So “from a distance” + “spark”. Alright, let’s see where this goes.

Is… is this someone trying to convince someone else to read Eugenesis? Is Roberts making the space robots read this batshit story? Is he threatening them? Because making someone read an entire book’s worth of slaughter of their race sort of feels like a threat.

Okay, moving on to actual story, our narrator starts the day by blinding himself. He turns the input on his optics all the way up and stares at the sun.

I don’t know why.

Once he’s done that, he reflects on the nature of change, and how some things just can’t be fixed.

I see we’ve hit our fascist phase. Because they’re only allowed to enjoy the rejuvenation of the planet if they’re wearing Prowl’s face on their chest, right?

Our narrator seems to have an alternate take on the walls, though- seems more like they’re trying to keep the citizens in as opposed to the ruffians out.

Scene jump, and we’re in the middle of a conversation between two folks about some guy who killed an Autobot and fled. Yeah, no one with dialogue has been properly identified as of yet. All I know currently is that one of the conversationalists is a commander. Something tells me Nightbeat’s involved with the scene.

But that’s just a hunch.

So, looks like the Transformers had a little more room for the war buffet after all, because they’ve had at least two named squabbles in the last couple centuries. Hence, our narrator is off to try and corroborate a rumor that Galvatron is still kicking around.

He heads through the religious sector to get downtown, lamenting that Iacon’s been reduced to a military city-state in order to keep some façade of peace going on. He didn’t go through the hell that was the Eugenesis Wars for this.

Ooh, a dash of fantastic racism to really bring out the acidic taste of Orson Welles 1984. Maybe this is Prowl, actually, which would explain why he hasn’t been explicitly named. Would kind of ruin the whole end of the novel, wouldn’t it?

I’m not saying it’s Prowl because of the racism. More the clean dividing of folks into categories and statistical data.

Our narrator walks through the throng, ignores a homeless veteran, and passes by a crowd of Creationists on pilgrimage, and with that he’s off to Autobot City 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Meanwhile, back with the guys reading this account- yes, turns out they’re outside of this particular story- more details are being revealed.

The Turning, you say.

Vampire robots it is, then.

Back with the narrator, he’s just found what he’d been looking for- an Autobot badge, close enough to the real thing to work for his purposes. He heads inside something called an “ingestion tank”- I’m imagining the fucking eating chairs from IDW2- and oh-so-sneakily adds a few screw-looking bombs to the badge.

Hmm. I’m thinking my guesses are just a bit off-base.

Back at the narrative, our narrator has just arrived at the Ministry, where Sideswipe and his boys are truly living up to the ACAB lifestyle- Sideswipe is literally unloading clips into a crowd of protestors. Apparently this isn’t anything new.

Oh-kay. So. Back in the epilogue for Eugenesis, Wheeljack made an offhand comment about Rodimus wanting to look into streamlining the biomorphic reproductive process, using the power of science. This was something Ratchet really wasn’t thrilled about- he’s the Transformer-equivalent to being child-free, I guess- and let me tell you something: if Ratchet thinks something is a bad idea, it almost absolutely is. But it looks like Rodimus got his way, if our narrator’s cryptic statements are to be believed.

Let’s get fucking weird for a second.

Millions of years ago the biomorphic process was decided to be too slow for the colonial ways of the Cybertronian Empire, so morphing centers were created, where protoforms were basically injected with false memories to kickstart their lives. Think MTO programming from IDW, but more mechpreggy. This practice died out when the shortage of energon caught up with everyone, and was left behind for the most part.

EXCEPT FOR THIS. Turns out that Kup actually wasn’t all that old, he just thought he was. Why did they do this? Assumedly for the preservation of their research. Does it factor into anything ever for Kup? Nah, not really. Also:

🄹🄰🄼🄴🅂 🅆🄷🄰🅃 🅃🄷🄴 🄵🅄🄲🄺

Telefunken really is what makes the director’s cut of Eugenesis. This is where all the really weird shit is. If you ever fucking read this nightmare of a book, you better make sure Telefunken is included, because you will be reeling.

Anyway, the planet can’t handle more than a few hundred thousand robots, energon-wise, so the Treaty of Antimorphism was signed- a sort of “no more mechpreg” agreement between the Autobots and Decepticons. Not sure how they’re going to stop someone’s torso from vomiting up a goo baby, seeing as the process appears to be completely random, but they probably know more about the process than I do.

Yeah, that treaty is broken almost immediately. I mean, come on, we know who’s writing this story, it’s amazing that the idea was even remotely considered.

The Autobots decided that they were going to start underground biomorph rings, where Lifers- y’know, the guys who can actually do this sort of thing- spit out protoforms on command to supplement the Autobot forces, in case more war broke out.

They can give birth on command.

I-

I just-

How-

Okay. Sure.

BUT HOW-

Of course, a lot of people had a problem with this, seeing as they already had a solution to the problem of a limited population, in the copies of everyone’s brains Rodimus had commissioned after the events of Eugenesis. Yeah, that’s the root of the problem right there: it was unnecessary. Certainly not the violations of the free will and rights of the poor bastards who got chained to a table and told to start pumping out new robots at what was probably gunpoint in the basement of some bombed out building. Nope! Just that the whole thing was superfluous.

That was about the time that the Anticopyist protests started- how convenient- and the mind crystals were buried, never to see the light of day. Of course, Star Saber might have had a hand in quietly recovering the crystals, but that’s just hearsay.

It’s all going down the tubes, really- High Commands gearing up for the inevitable civil war that’s about to break out amid all this bullshit. Prowl and Nightbeat are trying to put a stop to things, but what are two guys with crippling depression going to do against all this crap? Not much. Especially now that there are Neogens discovering that they aren’t who they think they are.

The slogan is “maximum speed, maximum efficiency.” I’ll let you take a wild guess as to what these weirdos call themselves.

Sideswipe and his goons get done with killing civilians, and our narrator can finally get on with their mission- an interview with Rodimus Prime, who is dying. Again. We just can’t keep our Primes alive, can we? Can’t keep ‘em dead either, but that’s not the point.

But I thought Cyclonus was key.

…I’m sorry, that was dumb.

Anyway, our narrator gets through security, bombs undetected, and prepares to finish his thesis.

These outside conversationalists are kind of morbid, aren’t they? Still, we wouldn’t have the narrative if they weren’t, so thanks? I guess? For being weird voyeurs of terrorist activities?

The narrator makes his way to the basement, where they’ve got Rodimus stashed.

But how are his tiddies? Are they ridiculously huge? Does he breast boobily down the hall towards you? Too bad First Aid’s dead, he’d be all over this behemoth.

You know, last time we saw Springer, his sole purpose in life was getting high. Wonder how he got to this point in just a couple hundred years. That’s nothing to these guys. Guess he traded in the space-heroin for juicing.

Springer, because I guess he’s kind of an asshole in this story, threatens our narrator, saying that he’s got a joor- pretty much an hour- to talk to Rodimus, and one second beyond that he’s throwing his ass out the door. He makes this point very emphatically, and repeatedly. Springer needs to take a chill pill.

With that, our narrator double-checks that his rigged badge is still there- how many times are we going to blow up Rodimus Prime?- and enters the medvault.

Rodimus isn’t doing so hot.

Despite the obvious lag in his brain, Rodimus is happy to be of service to a young student, and invites the narrator to sit and stay awhile.

Now that’s just cruel, Roberts. You gotta give Rodimus something, you already killed his best friend and most of his comrades. No wonder he’s depressed in every continuity, all the writers are mean as hell to our boy Rodders.

Our narrator starts off by asking about Scorponok, and Rodimus takes so long to answer he wonders if the guy just went ahead and died. But Rodimus, ever a good sport, does eventually answer. He talks about all the major Decepticon players, and our narrator smiles and listens, waiting for the point where Unicron is mentioned. He really wants to hear about Unicron, and can practically taste his presence in the room, seeing as Rodimus is still possessed.

You see, our dear narrator is a space-satanist.

Unfortunately, when Rodimus finally utters the name of the robot-devil, nothing happens.

No, see, if the Transformers had Plan B, none of this mechpreg stuff would be fucking happening.

This is where our outside conversationalists come more into play, revealing themselves to be Star Saber- finally entering the story proper- and Great Shot, who I can’t seem to find anything on. We get treated to the security footage from this point on, getting a lovely scene of our narrator yelling at a dying old man, as the two discuss the Turning. It’s a major point of concern for a lot of the troops, and we’re shown why, as Rodimus starts having a Reagan-from-the-Exorcist-level fit about the same time as our narrator drops his bomb. The room explodes, and our narrator escapes out into the world.

From here on, all of the narrative comes from out narrator’s internal recording. He keeps running, beyond the walls of the city and into the Rad Zone, until he hits Eocra. Eocra is where that chunk of space rock from Liars A-to-D was housed. I guess we’ll find out if it’s still there.

He requests an audience with Servion from a member of the Brotherhood of Chaos whom he doesn’t recognize, and is ushered inside.

Into an underground room with a window showing the stars and just packed with Decepticons. Even Blitzwing’s there- I’d figured he’d been one of the POWs who kicked the bucket, but apparently not. Turns out that door he went through was a teleport. They want our narrator’s thesis. He hands it over immediately.

Go for it, guys, his resume from today alone is beyond impressive. He’s done more in the last six hours than most of your top guys have done in their entire careers.

The Decepticons say that they’ll be in touch, and with that they shove him out of the room. Well, that’s that. Guess it’s time to go and see if the rumors about the losers in Kalis are a bunch of bunk after all.

And that’s the end of his datalog.

Back with the ‘Cons, the boys are gossiping about their new hire. Turns out he’s one of theirs anyway- a Neogen, and his name is Tarantulus.

I checked, it’s a valid alternate spelling of his name.

Over with Galvatron- did you honestly think he was dead?- the edgy bastard’s preparing for the Final Purge. Turns out he’s still under Unicron’s thumb, even after all this time. He’s pleased to hear that Rodimus is dying, and recalls being able to corrupt the Lifecode when he needled the Prime during other desperate moments. He decides he’s going to do that again.

Back with Start Saber and Great Shot, the boys are cooking up some tasty treats in their politically-powered lie kitchen. As far as the public knows, Tarantulus was shot to death by the guards when he approached the wall. Prime’s Turned, which sucks for him, but might work out in Star Saber’s favor. Just too bad that that one guard got in between Rodimus and the bomb blast.

So I guess Star Saber being less than piously heroic is just a Roberts thing. Alrighty then.

That’s the end of Telefunken. This answers as many questions as it presents, leaving us at a net-neutral for understanding just what the fuck is going on. Awesome.

[cassatine]

In the spirit of avoiding behemoth threads, finishing with Chapter Two of Queen’s Shadow in a new post. Things got long. 

Starting with a mea culpa, because I done fucked up when I said “It’s also not specified whether she intends to free the slaves she’d buy”, it is in fact there! I even quoted it (”I can use the assets I have to free what people I can”) so very much my bad. I felt a bit bad over my ungenerous reading, but it kinda balances out because I was also too generous in assuming Padmé’s personal crusade was against Slavery, The Institution, rather than slavery on Tatooine, specifically.

It’s one of the bits that made me go ‘why oh why,’ not because I think it doesn’t fit with Padmé’s character, but because to me it reads like... in TPM she was surprised to find there were slaves on Tatooine: "I can't believe there's still slavery in the galaxy. The Republic's anti-slavery laws -”. And it is a bit weird: as a politician and then a head of state she’s supposed to have a decent grasp on the actual state of the galaxy at that point, not to be naive enough to be surprised by the state of the Outer Rim or to to think slavery doesn’t exist at all in the galaxy. Irony of irony, the Nemoidians are actually listed on the wookiee as practicing it around TPM, deliberately stunting the growth of some of their young to make them into labour drones the Trade Federation... brings into the Senate.

(Seems there’s another slavery-in-civilized-space example with Czerka Arms in Master & Apprentice, which I haven’t read, but as far as I’m concerned two examples are enough to point to the fact that slavery was far from being a Tatooine or even Outer Rim only issue before Padmé was elected.) 

In Queen’s Shadow we’re four years later after she first witnessed slavery does exist (even if only by happenstance; if there’d been no forced landing on Tatooine who knows when she’d have realized) and she’s still at ‘slavery’s only a problem on Tatooine’. 

It’s not just that, though. It’s that it’s four years after her planet was invaded and the Senate proved to be useless (at one point in TPM she straight up says the Republic is broken) and she still believes it is - “I know how the Senate works”. Not that she doesn’t have reasons to believe it; there was the invasion itself, and as we learn it’s Republic courts that handle Nute Gunray’s trials. Trials plural, we lean from Palpatine: the third, he says, just “ended in a hung jury. Not the best outcome, obviously, but not the worst, either, given the strength of the Trade Federation’s legal team. The Republic lawyers must regroup, but they are already planning their next moves.”

We are all extremely surprised! This kind of thing is why Padmé doesn’t trust the Senate with the question of Tatooine slavery in the first place, after all. And I’m not saying it’s not an accurate assessment, because it is, but her plan boils down to 'hey democratic institutions are fucked but I’m rich so trickle-down economics it is. let’s do us some charity baby.’

Okay that was a little mean. The point is Padmé has reasons to see the Senate as useless, and she does. And we, the audience, know any push for reform would be useless too - we know how it all ends already, we know that the Senate is paralyzed by bureaucratic inertia, full of corruption, and we know Palpatine’s there to stack the deck against any meaningful internal attempt at reform. 

Padmé doesn’t! Well, she knows about the bureaucratic inertia and the corruption. She’s supposed to be an idealist, and she’s a politician; fixing the actual institutions should be the first thing she looks to. Sure, even without Padmé knowing how much the deck is stacked against that fix happening, it would probably look like an impossible task, but I’m pretty sure Padmé’s never been afraid of impossible tasks. And the Republic she believes in is the one she invokes when she says it stands against slavery; the one that’s supposed to mediate between members to avoid things like invasions. TPM showed her wrong on both counts, and instead of choosing to fix it the Idealist Politician Way (doomed crusade) she went with private intervention for slavery on Tatooine and slapped some cannons on Naboo.

Yeah that happened, I haven’t gotten to it yet but I looked up a few EKJ interviews and at some point before the book starts Padmé had planetary defenses installed, and apparently that was part of the platform her successor ran on too. So much for Naboo’s pacifism - an easier position to maintain when the Republic can actually be trusted to make sure invasion and the like are prevented, I suppose. 

One thing I keep coming back to wrt Tatooine is "I can’t bring official political change, given the state of most Outer Rim planets”. Because if she knows the state these planets are in, shouldn’t she have an idea of why. One of the major factors is Republic politics?? Quoting the wookie again, on Tarkin deets this time, for an example:

Several years before the Clone Wars, those in the Outer Rim eventually came to believe themselves victims of economic and social injustices, as Judicials were often withheld in intervening in Outer Rim affairs after many far-flung worlds refused to provide the Core with profitable deals. (x)

(Softly, but with feeling:) That’s corruption. It’s part of the context that allows slavery to flourish, and that’s the kind of things that’s, huh, hard to change without some politicking. It’s not a Hutt problem, or a backward planet problem. It’s a Republic problem. (Then again, if Padmé doesn’t think of slavery outside the bounds of one planet, then she doesn’t have to consider it in terms of a systemic issue at the galactic scale.)

All in all, we’re four years after TPM and Padmé’s trust in the Republic’s institutions’ ability to function is somewhere close to zero; it makes sense that she never considered leaving it despite that. What reasons does Naboo have to stay, if the Republic doesn’t work? That they don’t like the Separatists? That one of their own is Chancellor? That even with that one invasion they still have it better with the Republic than without? Padmé still calls to the Republic’s ideals because she believes in them, and I do think that’s part of why its decay is hard for her to face, but if she could put how much she cares for the slaves on Tatooine on the side for four years because of her Naboo’s needs first policy, maybe that policy played a role in Naboo’s NoLeave position too. 

I’m not saying Naboo should have left, or that Padmé’s in an easy position, watching the Republic fall apart with little power to change things - sure she has more influence than some Joe Random but even as Queen of Naboo it’s not like she can snap her fingers and fix the Republic, or slavery, or economic exploitation of the Outer Rim. She was a local ruler, not exactly Queen of the galaxy, and moreover those are systemic issues, they don’t have quick, easy fixes. 

It’s still weird that Padmé just... only looks to Naboo. I know I just said she’s a local ruler, so looking to Naboo is her job, and her planet did have to recover from an invasion. But once she realizes the Republic is broken, it’s also part of her job to think of the consequences for Naboo if the Republic stays broken, which should motivate her to try all she can not to let that happen (the consequences are not good). And realize that in the long-term, slapping canons on her planet while doing shit-all to fix the actual underlying systemic issues makes her part of the problem. In-universe, the invasion of Naboo isn’t a small event: if corporate entities like the Trade Federation can go after Mid Rim planets instead of stopping at exploiting the Outer Rim like everyone else, and still keep the seats they shouldn’t even have in the Republic and make their trials for invasion drag on for years (and it’s Nute Gunray’s trial, not the Trade Federation’s), it’s bad news for a lot of planets. And if every rich, ~civilized~ Republic member does it like Naboo, and no one does jack shit to fucking reform the Republic, then they’re basically saying it’s every planet for themselves and letting free run to predatory corporations like the Trade Federation, and it all goes even downer from there, because why wouldn’t some use the opportunity to finally get their hands on that moon or that asteroid or whatever else. Etc. Padmé doesn’t know there’s an Empire just waiting, so if she thinks the Republic is broken she should be worrying about the breakdown of its institutions

(Also, the fact that Padmé slapped cannons on Naboo and then went on to campaign against the creation of a Republic army is kind of ironic, because one of the selling points for that army probably was protecting those planets that can’t do it like Naboo.)

For all the ranting - everything checks out with how I see Padmé; it’s not that she doesn’t mean well, but Naboo’s privilege planet without even accounting with the Naboo fuckery and Palpatine mentored her. She has blind spots and she’s very good at not looking at what she doesn’t want to see. 

What it doesn’t check out with is the framing. I’m supposed to think Padmé’s brilliant. I checked!!

E.K. Johnston: I think a lot of what Padmé does in the movies goes on inside her head. So her brilliance and her political acumen, you don’t necessarily see it play out in the movies. Because she’s so smart, she doesn’t explain what she’s doing. Getting to kind of get inside her head a little bit, and write from the perspective of inside her head, you sort of see how smart and how talented and how deeply compassionate she is. In a dress that weighs 80 billion pounds or in a suit for sneaking around or whatever, she has it covered because she knows herself and she knows her friends so well. (x) 

Look if you want me to buy political acumen and brilliance and whatever, then maybe that’s what you should portray. I’m not even done grumbling, because the next (and last) noteworthy bit is between Padmé and Sabé - who didn’t know about the scheme, Padmé didn’t share it with anyone before Palpatine asked.

“I don’t have enough capital to free them all,” Padmé said, still avoiding the word buy.

“Then we’ll find out what they want on Tatooine and sell it to them in trade,” Sabé said.

“‘We’?” Padmé said, her heart in her mouth.

“Of course we,” Sabé said. “You haven’t tied your own shoelaces in four years. You’re going to need all the help you can get.”

Just as well that Sabé decides to help out, because I peeked ahead and Padmé’s going to be too busy Senatoring, and just like Queen, Senator is a post that’s completely incompatible with any kind of action on Tatooine apparently, so ofc she’ll drop the matter altogether but in the meantime, she’ll put Sabé on it. 

(If I didn’t already know Padmé was going to drop it, I’d probably have been nicer. But between that and having seen EKJ explain Padmé’s lack of reaction at the AOTC Tusken slaughter and lack of intervention re: the slavery situation... no.)

Anyway! EKJ’s angle is girl power and friendship (and role models), but I’m disappointed there isn’t more on the plan, because it’s not exactly the worst moment to show Padmé’s done her research - and she should have, since she’s supposed to care and to be smart - and that she actually has at least the beginning of an idea of “what they want on Tatooine”. Or that she’s aware that “they” covers a range of people from Jabba, ie local Hutt lords that probably profit from the slave trade in the first place, and I guess would be interested in money, bling (ie status symbols) or ugly deals thanks to her influence and contacts; to the Wattos and moisture farmers who have slaves for their labour - what they’d want is to replace that labour force and come up with a profit since they’re at it, or enough dough (local currency, Watto doesn’t take Republic credits) not to need it in the first place and live better than they do with that labour; to the actual slave traders who’ll mostly be interested in keeping their business going, so again, it’s mostly money they’d want.

And for the other options, discounting political deals with the Hutts because I very much doubt Padmé would go there... I am not particularly good at The Economics, but it does seem likely there are chances that trading “what they want” with Tatooine locals for slaves still involves an exchange of money at some point, so what Sabé’s really offering comes down to adding an intermediary step to the exchange of goods and in no way does that solve the capital issue. Really - what’s Padmé going to offer the Wattos of Tatooine, who don’t even take Republic credits? Not political favours, that’s for sure. Her wardrobe? Tried that one. A week at Lake Cuomo - experience the wonders of civilization, one-time offer?

Water would be an option - worth a lot on Tatooine, so maybe she can drain the lake at her family’s home in the Lake Country, although after that unless the next Queen gives her free reign over the rest of Naboo’s waters we’re back to money. Also that’d fuck over every moisture farmer on the planet, so maybe it’s not the best idea ever. She could use droids to solve the labour issue, maybe she can even get a price if she places a big order - I’m sure the Geonosians would love to help out, I hear they’re good at mass-producing cheap droids. Clones? I don’t remember that she was very vocal about their rights. Most likely it’ll come down to counting coppers - there’s probably plenty of places in the galaxy where a new vaporator is cheaper than on Tatooine. 

But if that kind of maths sounds ugly, it still doesn’t solve the finite capital problem - and if the one thing steeped in practicality Padmé has to say about her plan is ‘I don’t have the money for everyone’ then maybe that’s another reason to reconsider other options.

I’m also gonna point out that Padmé plans to have a massive impact on Tatooine’s labour force without apparently having considered the vacuum that’d create on a planet she knows to be poor and more lawless than not. It’s Hutt territory ffs, who’s going to step in if not them - and Padmé’s strategy not going to hurt them. It’s not that Tatooine’s economic model is good in any way, but if you just waltz in, take an axe to it and waltz back to fucking Lake Cuomo and your silk sheets, what’s going to replace is probably either more of the same, or worse.

In a similar but why vein, she says of the people she intends to free that she’ll “find them new homes, if they wish it” and I guess it’s supposed to sound good except if you think about it we’re talking about people who have nothing. Anakin and Shmi’s hovel isn’t *their*, it’s Watto’s; Anakin’s pod was only his because it was built out of junk (and because Watto has a modicum of decency somewhere inside). Freeing people is all well and good, but if you’re not actually giving them the tools to do so then you’re not really giving people a new start in life.

All this is why without actual systemic change what Padmé’s planning here is just plain fucked up: she’ll be injecting her assets into the very system she wants to go against, and do zero against the conditions that allow slavery to continue. Buying people, even to free them, is going to do shit against the institution of slavery itself, and if Padmé’s political acumen is supposed to be worth writing home about, then maybe she should show some awareness that she’s pulling some First World bullshit.

Previous notes: Chapter 1 / Chapter 2.a 

[purplesurveys]

1029

[found at: zelthie]

What were you doing before you got on the computer? I took a long-ass shower after the humid nightmare that was today.

Is there anything you really want right now? I wish I had some pastry to go with my iced coffee. I miss my studying sessions at coffee shops :( and it’s not like I’ll get to have them again once Covid is over, because I’m not even in school anymore. Sigh. Also, a longer weekend. I can hardly believe it’s Sunday again tomorrow, and that after that will be Monday again. I love my work, but I also want to reeeeeeeeest.

What's the best gift you've ever gotten? Probably the front-row concert tickets my dad got me for Paramore. Outside of my parents, I really appreciated the scrapbook Gabie made for me three years ago. It turned out to be the first and only handmade gift she’d ever make for me, so I think of it fondly.

What's a song you think the world needs to listen to? Idk, people have different tastes and so it may not be possible to name a song that would successfully appeal to everybody.

Has there ever been a person you regret ever being friends with? As much as I like to firmly believe that regretting friendships should be avoided as much as possible because those people made me happy at one point, I’ve got nothing nice to say about Marielle.

Do you think you have a good understanding on love? I don’t know anything anymore.

You just discovered a new color! What would you name it? No thanks, please don’t ask me to be creative any time of the day.

What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Cookies and cream, and recently, chocolate chip cookie dough.

What do you want to do on your honeymoon? I have not had one but should I do, I’d love to go somewhere non-beachy for a change.

What's one thing you remember learning in school? Spelling difficult words. English (the language, not literature) was my favorite subject in middle school and I always liked the pop spelling quizzes we had. There are some words I could still remember getting wrong, like ‘rendezvous’ and ‘coup d’etat’ but I was always excited about learning their correct spellings so that I could start using them on my own time as well.

Are you more of a cat or dog person? Dog for sure.

How do you want to be remembered by people? [trigger warning] Idk. Whenever I think about...leaving, I always also think about leaving some kind of note instructing whoever’s in charge of stuff to keep things hushed, because I don’t want the whole thing to be a big deal and for it to spread. I don’t really want to be remembered for anything.

Do you like road trips? Yaaaaaaaaas. As long as I’ve got the right playlist that’s also long enough as well as several seasons of Friends, I’d be good to go.

Do you think Medical Marijuana should be legalized? I haven’t read much about it and that topic in general is still widely taboo over here, but I personally have nothing against it.

If you were forced to dye your hair another color, what color would you get? Brown.

Excited for anything? My first paycheck :D :D

What do you think of your parent(s)? They’re doing their best.

Are your grandparents dead? Just one.

What celebrity do you think should have never become famous? Amber Heard and the Paul brothers.

What's your favorite thing to do online? Watch stuff on YouTube. These days I’ve been revisiting wrestling again so I’ve been watching loads of matches and promos I enjoyed throughout my teenage years. I’m scared to dip my toes into today’s content though, because I barely know anyone anymore and there would be a lot of storylines I’d have to get acquainted with; but idk, I might get there someday.

Are you glad George W. Bush is out of office? I didn’t know his presidency all that well because I was way too young when he was still in office. Apparently he’s not very popular.

If you could appear on any TV show, what show would you choose? I’ve always wanted to try out The Amazing Race. I was definitely hooked to that show as a kid.

What does your full name look like without the letters t,a,i,o,e,l,n or s? Rby.

Your mood summed up into one word? Emotionless. I’m literally not feeling anything at the moment, but this is still a lot better than being miserable so I’ll take it.

How often do you talk to other people about the weather? Only when we’re experience extremes, like if it’s painfully, annoyingly hot out or if there’s a bad typhoon. Otherwise I try to find something else to talk about.

Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey right now? Nope, my full attention is on here.

What's a name you wouldn't mind having? At this point, I’ve learned to be okay with my name and don’t feel the need to whine about it anymore.

What's your favorite thing to wear that you own? My mom jeans or denim jacket.

What do you think of Barbie dolls? Boring, mostly. I grew up with boys, so we had more toys marketed for boys and those are what I ended up liking more.

When you were little, did you ever want to go to Disneyland? Not really.

Do you currently have a job? What kind of job do you *want* to have? I do. I’m already in the job/career I had wanted and aimed to be in.

What do you like to do on your free time? Being on YouTube, playing with my dogs, surveys, eating.

What's your relationship with your parents like? With my mom, it’s permanently strained after years of verbal and emotional abuse, but at some point I just learned to live with the trauma – it’s like, we get along these days and we barely get into screaming matches anymore, but at the back of my head I’m still constantly reeling from the hurt she had put me through when I was younger.

My dad and I act like each other’s buddies, but we silently look out for one another. For example he’ll sometimes make a plate of corndogs just for me while I’m at work, and that’s his way of saying “Are you ok? Here, have this. I’m worried about you” without ever having to say it to my face.

Do you own any pets? Yes, I’ve got two dogs.

How many places have you traveled to? Six countries and all over my own country, except Mindanao.

Do you own a cell phone? If so, what kind? iPhone 8.

What are your goals for the future? For things to fall into place, whatever that would bring me.

What's your favorite kind of drink? Just plain old cold water, or coffee.

Did you ever get into the Twilight saga craze? What about the Harry Potter craze? I was (and am, heheh) into Twilight; I wasn’t into Harry Potter.

Where is your mind at: The Past, the Present, the Future, or all around? My mind tends to make space for all three of these.

What's a really good movie you've seen recently? I haven’t seen any films recently but I am planning to watch Ammonite, which I have high hopes and expectations for.

Are you happy where you are right now? Career-wise, yes. As for everything else...could be a little better.

What's the first thing you thought in your head when you woke up today? AHHHHHHH SATURDAY.

If your best friend confessed that they can see the future, you would...? Ask how they were able to get such an ability.

Write a random quote that comes to your head: I’ve been watching Friends all day so the first set of quotes I thought of upon reading this question was, “I just don’t want to face three failed marriages.” “At what point did you think this was a successful marriage?” hahahahaha.

What's your opinion on milk chocolate? Like it, but sometimes can be too sweet.

What about Dark Chocolate? I don’t like dark chocolate bars themselves – too bitter; but I don’t mind it being incorporated in other sweets, like cookies that have dark chocolate bits.

You do know that white chocolate isn't even really chocolate, right? Yes. But it’s my favorite kind.

Do you get annoyed when surveys mention a band you've never heard of? If they mention it excessively or if they name too many unfamiliar bands, then I’m likely to get annoyed, yeah. But I skim through potential surveys anyway, so if I observe that a survey has too many music references I can’t relate to then I just don’t take it.

What's your opinion about Katy Perry's song "I kissed a girl"? Cool song and ahead of its time tbh, but she has so many other better singles.

What's your least favorite pizza topping? Pepperoni, beef, and pineapples.

What would you do if you discovered the US was now drafting for the war? Don’t care.

Are you even living in America, or are you from another country? Bingo for the latter.

What's your favorite social website? Twitter.

Do you believe in heaven? If so, what's it like? If not, why? No. I associate heaven with gods or higher beings, so believing in it would just kill the point of being atheist. I do like to find comfort in some sort of afterlife where I’m not in pain and am reunited with all my loved ones, though. I don’t necessarily believe in it, but it’s just comforting to think about and makes death a lot less scary.

What's your favorite video game? Super Smash Bros. Brawl would probably be my all time favorite. I do plan to get Super Smash Bros. Ultimate for the Switch, so that might get dethroned soon.

In your opinion, is Bzoink the best place to find fun surveys? Yes.

What's your opinion of high school? It only got fun once I found the right friends. Without them, I’m sure my experience would have been miserable.

Do you prefer the country or city? City.

Texting: Is it fun, evil, boring, or none of the above? It can be all of these things depending on the context of the conversation.

What email service do you use for your main (or only) email account? I’m mainly on Gmail. I have an Outlook account that’s still active, but I’ve been listing it less and less for social media sites.

What's your favorite dumb pick-up line? I don’t do pick-up lines, really. I find the entire concept pretty lame.

What are your plans for the next 48 hours? I got hooked to Friends again, so I’ll probably continue watching for the whole of tomorrow. For Monday, I’ll be at work again.

Did you ever read "Captain Underpants" when you were little? Yes. I lovedddd those books, but I always had to read them in secret (my cousin owned the books and I just asked to borrow) because my mom disapproved of them. My favorites were the Flip-O-Rama sections.

What's better: The old Cartoon Network, or the new one? Or do you not care? I’m not aware of the new version, so that leaves me with one choice. Generally, though, Cartoon Network was my least favorite channel out of the big 3 of kids’ channels.

Disney Channel shows are all pretty cheesy, aren't they? The ones they air today are, but maybe I’m just saying that because I’m already outside of their target demographic.

What's your opinion on the Jonas Brothers? I can’t think of a reason to dislike them. They’ve always been likeable, whether as individuals or as a band.

What are some of your favorite singers/bands? Beyoncé, Paramore, Hozier, alt-J, Coldplay, Against Me!, The Japanese House are the main favorites I like mentioning.

Why do the lead singers in bands always get the most recognition?! Probably because they’re the ones mainly heard. I always recognize all the members in my favorite bands, though.

Did you ever believe in the Tooth Fairy? I did, but when I didn’t receive any money  after placing my tooth under my pillow, my hopes and belief got shattered pretty quickly.

What's your favorite type of weather? Cold, cloudy, and rainy.

What's your opinion on reading books? I think it’s great when people are able to find the time to read books, and lots of them. I wish I didn’t grow out of it.

You're given a chance to act in a Hollywood Blockbuster! Would you accept? Nope.

What it if it was a movie directed by Tim Burton?(He directed Sweeney Todd) He ranks pretty low for me. He’s a great director and I respect his craft, but his filmography is not a personal favorite of mine.

How do you feel about Taco Bell? I wish I can have it more often, but we only have two branches in the Philippines and they are both far away.

Are you hungry right now? I can honestly go for a snack right now :/ Like chicken tenders or pad thai. I’m super tempted to order from Grab since I have more than enough cash on me, but I don’t want to be irresponsible with my money so very early on lol

How often do you go on to Youtube? Everyday, and most of everyday.

It's possible to be addicted to anything... What are you addicted to? Curry.

What's your opinion of Wallgreens? Unfamiliar.

Back when Spongebob Squarepants was famous, were you interested in it? Yes, it was my favorite cartoon.

What's your dream pet? Dogs.

You see a mermaid while relaxing on the beach with friends. What now? Think that it’s probably a social experiment and let them be.

Who's been your favorite teacher growing up, and why? My music teacher always gave amazing life advice alongside her lessons, and she was so graceful and so classy and she simply invited respect everywhere she went. I’ve always wanted to be like her.

When you were little, did you ever like Pokemon? Yes. I watched the anime and collected Pokemon pogs and cards. My cousin had a lot of the video games and I’d watch him play those, while my sister had a couple of Pokemon books that explained each Pokemon.

How often do you get headaches? These days, everyday. Hahaha work is super hectic.

Do you have any songs stuck in your head right now? If so, what? Saw You In A Dream by The Japanese House.

[tanadrin]

@bpd-anon:

I think I agree on some points and disagree on others but mostly I would love an expansion of this part: "I don’t think he actually understands fantasy as a set of generic conventions as well as he thinks he does." Can you explain the parts that he is misunderstanding and what true understanding looks like?  

For some context, I have never seen GOT. I read the first book and it's tied for my favorite book ever but then college and its stress hit and I mostly stopped reading (same reason Blindsight is another favorite book ever but I haven't read Echopraxia). I mostly read science fiction books and I haven't even read the all-important LOTR (mainly because I hear there isn't any moral greyness, sounds boring). 

Martin has said things like this:

“I admire Tolkien greatly. His books had enormous influence on me. And the trope that he sort of established—the idea of the Dark Lord and his Evil Minions—in the hands of lesser writers over the years and decades has not served the genre well. It has been beaten to death. The battle of good and evil is a great subject for any book and certainly for a fantasy book, but I think ultimately the battle between good and evil is weighed within the individual human heart and not necessarily between an army of people dressed in white and an army of people dressed in black. When I look at the world, I see that most real living breathing human beings are grey.”     

“Ruling is hard. This was maybe my answer to Tolkien, whom, as much as I admire him, I do quibble with. Lord of the Rings had a very medieval philosophy: that if the king was a good man, the land would prosper. We look at real history and it’s not that simple. Tolkien can say that Aragorn became king and reigned for a hundred years, and he was wise and good. But Tolkien doesn’t ask the question: What was Aragorn’s tax policy? Did he maintain a standing army? What did he do in times of flood and famine? And what about all these orcs? By the end of the war, Sauron is gone but all of the orcs aren’t gone – they’re in the mountains. Did Aragorn pursue a policy of systematic genocide and kill them? Even the little baby orcs, in their little orc cradles?” 

“By the time I got to Mines of Moria I decided this was the greatest book I’d ever read… And then Gandalf dies! I can’t explain the impact that had on me at 13. You can’t kill Gandalf… Tolkien just broke that rule, and I’ll love him forever for it. The minute you kill Gandalf, the suspense of everything that follows is 1,000 times greater. Because now anybody could die. Of course, it’s had a profound effect on my own willingness to kill characters at the drop of a hat.” 

Taken together, Martin is one of the people I’m thinking most of when I say things like “nobody reads Tolkien, only their caricatures of Tolkien.” About the only thing I can say for him is that he’s right on Tolkien being about an external battle of Good versus Evil a lot of the time; though for my part, Martin’s world doesn’t come off so much as Gray versus Gray as Evil versus Evil, and a lot of what he seems to take for “moral ambiguity” to me is perfectly unambiguous: they’re all (or mostly) villains, doing villainy things to each other. Sometimes for quite human reasons; but the best villains have comprehensible motivations beyond pure evil. Doesn’t make them not villains.

First of all, he’s simply nakedly incorrect that Tolkien never considered the difficulties of rule, or never looked at the practical aspects of his worldbuilding. They don’t come in much for emphasis, but they’re absolutely there (most notably in the scenes set in Minas Tirith, in the run-up to the Battle of the Pelennor Fields), and indeed the moral nature of the Orcs, and therefore the correct stance to take toward them, was of deep concern to him, and subject to a lot of later revision as he struggled with the idea of what we would now refer to as an Always Chaotic Evil fantasy race.

Tolkien certainly critically interrogates the morality and moral authority of rulership. In the Silmarillion, he has plenty of figures who cut heroic profiles but make bad (or at least ambiguous) kings, with much resulting conflict; and indeed, that ambivalence is something he’s in part borrowing from his medieval sources! To say that the medievals had a totally black-and-white view of kingship is to betray a lack of familiarity with actual medieval writers, who even (especially?) in the Early Middle Ages are adept at portraying leaders with powerful qualities that turn against them in the wrong situation. Beorhtnoth, the heroes of Njal’s Saga, and Beowulf would have all been extremely familiar to Tolkien, and are good examples I think. Tolkien absolutely understood that people come in shades of gray, and there are various admixtures of light and dark in almost all his characters. Even Frodo for Chrissakes puts on the Ring at the end--and Gollum redeems him. Like, come on! That’s one of the most memorable parts of the main trilogy! But from Galadriel right down to the Sackville-Bagginses, Tolkien is intensely conscious of the moral complexity of everybody in his stories, he just doesn’t need them to say “fuck” in order to express that.

What Martin seems to have confused for Tolkien is, like, the semi-mythic style of Arthurian romance (which... is still not always super black and white?), which is only a small part of the generic conventions Tolkien is drawing on. Tolkien is much more steeped in the conventions of the realist novel, with its penchant for psychological complexity, even as he’s borrowing the setpieces of older literature. I think that’s important because it’s what marks Tolkien out as a fundamentally modern writer, despite his sources; yet people skate over this and like to pretend he was some kind of reverse Connecticut Yankee who stumbled out of the 13th century with medieval sensibilities intact. Which is... weird.

The quote about Gandalf is especially telling. Gandalf’s death happens for extremely clear structural reasons: it provides a climax to Book II (if you’ve never read LOTR: each volume is divided into two “books”; the three-volume split was a post-writing publication decision, LOTR was originally written as a single continuous unit, and the “books” are like mega-chapters), much like, but stronger than, the Flight to the Ford at the end of Book I; it sets up the sojurn in Lorien (recovering from the trauma of the loss of their nominal leader); it helps the narrative transition from the low-stakes, bucolic setting of everything west of the Misty Mountains to the high-stakes dangers of the rest of the story; and it serves the conclusion of the story because without Gandalf’s sacrifice (plus many other events), the Ring never would have made it to Mount Doom. Also, not to put too fine a point on it, but Gandalf comes back, in a way that feels sensible within the world Tolkien has built, and which sets up further development of both the main plot and the the themes Tolkien is concerned with.

If Martin had written Lord of the Rings, Gandalf would have died to a random Orc arrow, would never have come back, and the Ring wouldn’t have made it to Mount Doom at all. And you’d be left feeling like Gandalf dies for basically no reason--and you’d be right. The suspense in Lord of the Rings doesn’t come from wondering who will die (the only major named characters who die permanently are Boromir and Gollum; both similarly serve important thematic and plot functions when they do, but by Martin’s standard, Tolkien isn’t even trying), or wondering how things will turn out--does anyone ever doubt that the good guys will win?--it comes from seeing how they get there, from wanting to experience the emotional and narrative beats of the story, wanting to see the narrative logic being brought to its conclusion. It’s why it’s a good story even if you know the ending! And all of Tolkien’s work is like that: a well-constructed narrative that is perennially satisfying is far better than a one-off surprise that can never be repeated. That’s a mistake a lot of modern media is making right now, which the rise of undue emphasis on spoilers isn’t doing anything to reduce.

More generally: there’s nothing wrong with high fantasy externalizing the conflict between good and evil. That is in fact one of its functions, as a kind of moral metaphor or moral proving ground in the same way that, say, science fiction often serves as moral and philosophical proving ground for ideas around technology or exploration or the alien. It’s not obligatory, but to cite that as an insufficiency of any work in the genre is to fail to understand the genre. Tolkien specifically provides some arch moral figures (Morgoth, Sauron, Manwe, Aragorn), but he also provides some much more mixed ones: Denethor, Saruman, Grima Wormtongue, Boromir, Gollum, etc. (also Thorin, Feanor and his sons, and in fact just like a huge chunk of the cast of the Silmarillion in general), and gives his characters plenty of opportunity to reflect that, even in a conflict with a literal evil spirit, there is room for ambiguity (cf. Sam’s meditation on the Haradrim in Ithilien). And the sum total of the effect in Tolkien’s work is that it actually feels like something is at stake. I don’t feel like that in Martin’s world. I feel like if the Night King were just to destroy all of Westeros that would make as much sense and be about as satisfying as any other outcome, because there’s nothing that feels especially worth preserving there.

In discarding everything about both the moral and narrative structure of high fantasy, Martin’s world leaves nothing for one to hang one’s hat on, nothing to use as a fixed point of reference when it comes to orienting yourself in it; he is writing a critique against many things, perhaps, but not an argument for anything. The result leaves me quite cold.

[ratmonologue]

odd numbers

THAT’S A LOT OF ODD NUMBERS

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?Uhh I guess water bottles, but the refillable kind, because I like being environmentally friendly when I can~

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?neither tbh. cotton candy if I absolutely had to pick but ehhhh

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?I like the fancy old timey glass soda bottles a lot. I pretty much only ever drink tamarind jarritos these days though, and I buy it by the big bottle bc it’s cheaper, so… I guess glass cups more frequently. though not even cups because all of my drinking glasses are old pasta sauce jars…

7. earbuds or headphones?earbuds

9. favorite smell in the summer?barbecue with a side of fruity and refreshing beverages. alternately, that faint, specific ice-cold-river-in-dry-pine-forest-mountain-air scent that I associate with summers at camp and the tahoe area in general. I miss that

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?lately, croissants

13. lanyard or key ring?key ring

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?HAMLET but also most shakespeare plays

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

they’re v comfy

19. sleeping position?on my side. it varies which side

21. obsession from childhood?S P A C E. specifically black holes I was OBSESSED(it never really faded)

23. strange habits?sometimes I spit in toilets while they’re flushing, I guess that’s pretty strange. no idea why or how that started

25. first song you remember hearing?probably something by Enya

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?stay inside and play Skyrimor just horse around in the snow, if there is snow, but I haven’t lived anywhere with snow for years

29. best way to bond with you?have in-depth discussions about character arcs in semi-obscure sci-fi media

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?the above boots, favorite jeans, uh... really any random black tanktop and button-down shirt? that’s just my day to day outfit really

33. most used phrase in your phone?I have no idea how I would even look that up

35. average time you fall asleep?hahahHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA that’s a good one….

37. suitcase or duffel bag?I’m actually a fan of my big backpacking backpack

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?not a massive fan of either but I guess lemon cake

41. last person you texted?I’m simultaneously texting you, Belle, and also the pretty dude I’m dating

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?honestly all of those except cardigan. hoodies for being lazy around the house/office and/or layering; the others for going outdoors

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?I like combinations of sci-fi and fantasy. I’m sick to death of superheros

47. favorite type of cheese?oohhhh that’s a hard one because I like a lot of cheese, but it’s hard to beat the versatility of good ol’ pepper jack

49. what saying or quote do you live by?I don’t really have one tbh

51. current stresses?work and being sick

53. what is the current state of your hands?in front of me on my laptop keyboard as I type this….?

55. favorite fairy tale?shit you know what…….I forget most of them

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?freshman year of college, the summer after freshman year of college, and I guess depression but who knows if that’s ever truly overcome

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?“yeah that’s fair.” dunno what kind of video game would have context for that but I’ve been saying it too much recently

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?but there are sO MANY GOOD LINES IN SO MANY GOOD BOOKS AND SHOWS AND MOVIES AND STUFF

63. five songs that would play in your club?I don’t listen to any music that would really work in a club setting so I’m just gonna say the mos eisley cantina music from star wars, unironically

65. any permanent scars?probably a few small ones

67. good luck charms?my brain, when it functions

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?duck penises

71. least favorite pattern?patterns of continuing abuse I guess? those are pretty shittyif you mean like, fabric, uh idk I’m not a fan of houndstooth

73. favorite weird flavor combo?I don’t think any of the combos I like are that weird, though…. chocolate and bacon, maybe?? but that’s still A Thing. Tamarind whiskey sours?? idk

75. when did you lose your first tooth?I think I was six and it was wiggly and flopping forward and I tried to push it back behind the non-wiggly teeth and there was a *crack* and a shitton of blood and then it wasn’t in my mouth at all anymore. I was a lil freaked out

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?I like succulents and bamboo but I haven’t managed to keep any plants alive long-term

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?driver’s license. and both the DL and the old school IDs look better than my passport photos

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?Aren’t they the same thing….? Maybe….? (don’t hurt me I’ve never lived in a place that had either)

83. writing or drawing?Both, not that I’ve been doing much of either lately

85. fairy tales or mythology?I guess mythology but they can be related

87. your greatest fear?Dying in obscurity? Being forgotten? Plane crashes? Jellyfish?

89. who would you put before everyone else?Urdnot Wrex from Mass Effect

91. boxes or bags?They both serve important yet different functions and can’t really be swapped out for the other-

93. nicknames?nah

95. favorite app on your phone?discord and groupme so I can talk to all my friendos

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?mine, my mom’s, possibly my dad’s, and our ancient landline that’s been out of commission for over a decade but is still attached to our safeway club card so

[frickengreenfrickyeah]

An Irreverent Intro to the Iliad

A/N:I’ve taken the introduction to the Lombardo translation and condensed it. Any time I says something to the effect of “don’t quote me on this” that means I’ve added my own analysis or thoughts that I cannot back up in any way, so don’t, like, put it in an essay if you don’t plan on doing your own research.

Anyway, you don’t care about that stuff, you came here to read about the Iliad.

It’s really fricken long, so, for the sake of mobile users, everything’s under the cut except for this:

“Rage. Bitch, lemme tell you about the time that Achilles fucked over the entire Greek army by Rage-quitting.”

Timeline for the Noobs 

Ten years ago:

Aphrodite bribes Paris so she can win a beauty contest between herself, Athena, and Hera. Paris’ reward for his ‘heroics’ is Helen

(There’s probably an essay’s worth of symbolism you could dig into here, what with the goddesses all representing different priorities: erotic love, wisdom/justice, and familial duty. I wonder what Paris’ choice reveals about his character?)

There’s some disagreement about whether or not Helen when with Paris willingly

Seeing as literally no other woman in the Iliad (and maybe the entire Cycle? Don’t quote me on that) willingly went with her kidnapper, I’m calling bull on that. Do with that what you will.

Menelaus gets really mad that Paris stole his wife, so he rounds up the Greek army, and they go to war. (It’s worth noting that Athena and Hera are both on his side here.)

Present day:

Agamemnon(Boo), Menelaus’ brother kidnaps a girl. Then he has the balls to get upset that the girl’s father called Apollo’s plague down upon the Greeks until she’s returned

Achilles points out that Agamemnon’s being a dick and people are literally dying because he won’t let go of one girl. Agamemnon says, “Fine. If I have to give up my lady-war-prize, I’m taking yours as recompense.”

Achilles allows Agamemnon to take his girl, then Rage-quits. As consequence, people die.

Hypocrites. Hypocrites everywhere. If you wanna analyze that for an essay, I think there’s plenty to talk about. 

The Theme Worth Giving a Shit About (Because it Drives the Narrative)

Heroes risk their lives on the battlefield in exchange for Prizes

Ie. riches, bitches, and clout

Honor <--> Shame is how they judge the value of others and themselves. Honor wins Prizes, Shame loses Prizes

3 Characters Worth Giving a Shit About (Because They Explore the Aforementioned Theme)

Achilles: Main character. Rage is his thing. Also, pouting. 

His honor is insulted by Agamemnon(Boo) taking away Briseis, his lady war prize. Since war prizes are how their society rewards heroes for risking their lives, Agamemnon is basically saying he doesn’t care of Achilles dies or not.

And that hurts Achilles’ feelings because he knows he’s gonna die. There’s a prophecy about it. 

The only reason he’s fighting is because society conditioned him to believe that Prizes and eternal glory were worth dying for.

Now that he doubts everything he knows, he refuses to fight for the Greeks.

The entire poem is the consequences of his Rage-quit

Agamemnon: fuck this guy

He loses his lady war prize, so he takes Achilles’. Because short-sighted spite is the best motivator.

He and Achilles start the poem in the same place, believing that material goods should equally compensate a loss. Achilles is the one who learns that that’s not how that works.

Agamemnon starts as a dick and ends as a dick. Google Iphigenia if you want to learn more. And that shit he pulls with Cassandra? Major dickbag. Fuck this guy. 

Hector: The Trojan hero, and honestly the only likable guy here. 

He is Achilles’ foil. 

Just like Achilles, he’s separated from society - but, unlike Achilles, it’s not because he rejects their values. It’s because he never questions them.

He’s basically the perfect hero, and he suffers for it:

His son is scared of his war helmet

He can’t stay closer to home to fight defensively because that’s ‘shameful’

And he can’t even stay in the city that long on his breaks because wine and women are too tempting. 

Side Characters to Maybe Give a Fuck About

Patroclus: The most important of the supporting cast, and he’s only in it for, like, maybe a book

Achilles’ BFF and probably more

(Read: Definitely more. If you listen carefully, you can hear me chanting OTP OTP OTP every time you open your book.)

He is Achilles’ double

He never doubts society but supports his bestie’s midlife crisis anyway

His death at the hands of Hector symbolizes Achilles’ death because he was wearing Achilles’ armor at the time

Achilles causes Patroclus’ death btw

When he Rage-quits, he asks Zeus to help the Trojans (because short-sighted spite is the best motivator). Patroclus goes to help the Greeks wearing Achilles’ very recognizable armor, causing Hector to target and kill him

His death redirects Achilles’ Rage at the Trojans instead of the Greeks

Diomedes: a badass fighter

Greater Ajax: a badass fighter

and (I think) the guy who talks sense into Achilles at some point

Ajax the Lesser: a badass fighter (are you sensing a theme in these characters?)

Odysseus: the only smart guy here

The Odyssey is about him btw

The Trojan horse was his idea, according to the Aeneid (and maybe other places? But definitely the Aeneid.)

WTF is an Epic Poem Anyway?

Epic Poem: recounts events with far-reaching historical consequences, sums up the values and achievements of an entire culture, and documents the full variety of the war

Basically, if “’Murica, Fuck Yeah” sums up America, then the Iliad sums up Ancient Greece

(Actually, Hamilton is a better comparison, but I needed to make a joke. Fite me.)

That “full variety” thing is why Book 2 and a couple other places just list off a bunch of ships or leaders and their dads. That shit is boring. Skip it. 

But also, that ‘full variety’ thing is what makes other parts of the story so interesting. Homer will sum up a dude’s life story right before he kills them or some shit. It magnifies the scale of the narrative by showing how insignificant one person’s experience is - no one person can stop the war.

That’s what makes Achilles’ story even more powerful --> because his impact on the war is significant. His Rage controls the ebb and flow of it. 

He can’t stop the war though. No one can. 

The Gods are Petty as Fuck

Homeric gods look/act like humans, but they’re different mainly because of two things:

1. They can’t die.

That means they treat the events of the war less seriously than the mortals do.

2. The gods know about fate

To the modern reader, it seems like the humans have no agency, but that’s not really the case

Knowing fate is a bit like knowing the plot of a movie. It gives insight into a character’s actions that would otherwise seem random.

By reading this poem, you’re basically a god. Don’t let it go to your head. (But, hey, there’s a reason I’m majoring in this shit)

Bards like Homer would more directly be gods because they changed and adapted the story as they told it, just like the gods influence human actions in the story.

Don't quote me on that tho

Character choices are usually doubly motivated - by the human, and by the gods

Ex: Achilles chooses not to kill Agamemnon because Athena tells him not to.

This is personifying the literal thought process he had so that the reader understands what’s going through his head.

Fate doesn’t force anyone to act out of character --> fate is the consequence of their life choices

The gods not caring about death and his own lack of foresight is what Achilles messes up on

He asks Zeus to help him get revenge on the Greeks because he assumes Zeus cares about that sort of thing, but Zeus is bigger than that.

That leads Patroclus’ death, btw.

The “Enduring Heart” Shit

Achilles is really butthurt that Agamemnon wronged him

The lesson he has to learn is that even if material goods can’t make up for losses, there’s no other option --> you can’t bring people back from the dead, so you have to move on

That’s the Enduring Heart shit

also, if you abstract that concept it sounds kinda like entropy to me (Don’t quote me on that tho)

He learns that lesson by feeling pity for Priam (Hector’s dad) instead of perpetuating the Rage Train

And, hey, that Enduring Heart shit is a lesson that all of us could take to heart. None of us want to die, but it’s gonna happen. Maybe that’s not fair, but throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to change anything. Really, the only way to avoid being miserable is to embrace our mortality so we can appreciate life while we have it

don’t quote me on that tho

In a nutshell, Achilles has to accept his mortal-ness. Otherwise there’s a lot of unnecessary suffering. 

That’s why we don’t need to see him die in the Iliad even though everyone makes such a big deal about the prophecy about his death. His journey was completed as soon as he found pity in himself instead of Rage - essentially rejecting the godly side of himself (oh yeah, I forgot to mention. His mom is a goddess) and embracing his mortality. 

because gods don’t have to deal with death, they can Rage all they want, remember?

Also, if he never dies, he can’t be reunited with Patroclus. 

OTP OTP OTP

You could probably write an essay about how Achilles died as soon as Patroclus did.

Honestly Boring Historical Context (That might be interesting if you’re a nerd like me?

The poem was basically historical fantasy even when it was first written. There are gods and super strength and shit

Greek History Over-Simplified: The Mycanaean Period was prosperous but ended suddenly. The Dark Ages of Greece followed, and we don’t know much about what happened during that because they forgot the written word was a thin. 

The events of the poem probably take place during the Mycanaean Period because they use bronze weapons. 

But warfare is described from more of a Dark Ages perspective. Like, they don’t use chariots the right way

Which suggests that chariots were part of the source material, then the Dark Ages made people forget how they were supposed to be sued, so the bards just kinda made shit up to explain their presence. (Don’t quote me on that tho)

The Oral Tradition of the poem means that this story was told thousands of times over hundreds (thousands?) of years. So the narrative is hones at shit.

it has the sculpted body of an Olympic athlete. Each muscle toned to do a specific job and everything works perfectly together to accomplish the sporty feat of interest. Every verse is packed with character, setting, plot, and cultural significance

Except for that Catologue of Ships shit. Boooo boring ships.

There were probably lots of other versions of the poem, but Homer told it best. His version was written down as soon as the written word was (re)invented

Side Note that wasn’t in Lombardo’s Intro

The Iliad and Odyssey are both parts of a larger body of work known as the Epic Cycle 

(The Aeneid is basically Caesar Augustus-insert fanfiction at that, btw. Virgil was a satirical fanboy and I’m living for it.)

Characters and events are introduced with the assumptions that the reader already knows their importance

But we only have fragments of the rest of the Cycle today because it was either never written down or the manuscripts were lost

I’m looking at you, Burned Library of Alexandria

*sad fiddle music plays in the background

Videos That I Learned Shit From (Only, like, the first two links are relevant to the topic at hand, btw)

Basic Plot: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=faSrRHw6eZ8

More about the Epic Cycle: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3bn0eKt4Rw 

Iphigenia: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifFsKCrH3GM 

Oresteia: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kpGhivh05k             

The Odyssey: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-3rHQ70Pag&index=4&list=PLDb22nlVXGgfwG1qbOtNgu897E_ky_8To (Also, this story is my favorite of the Epic Cycle)

The Aeneid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRruBVFXjnY&list=PLDb22nlVXGgfwG1qbOtNgu897E_ky_8To&index=5  

Ancient Greek History: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzGVpkYiJ9w&index=2&list=PLDb22nlVXGgexsbafIwirG6Tk9uww9dSW    

And, yeah, these videos are all from the same channel. I’m a basic bitch and a ho for not leaving my comfort zone. Fite me. 

Honestly, if anyone has other sources, let me know. Youtube history/video essays are my shit.

I hope this was helpful.

[gotgifsandmusings]

GoT 7x06 Musings

My initial reaction to “Beyond the Wall”

Apparently this is the episode that is pulling the wool off of everyone’s eyes. Not the one where Sansa married Ramsay for revenge and got raped. Not the one where Shireen was burned alive because of flurries preventing Stannis from marching 20 feet. Not the one where Marg was arrested for perjury and threatened to be paraded naked except that was a fake-out and the king (unbeknownst to the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard) had formed an alliance with the Faith that didn’t already totally exist and therefore the largest army in the land was rendered useless or unwilling to free the heir of Highgarden…

You know I can keep going. I’ll take it, and yes, the teleportation was its most egregious because we KNOW how much time passed in-verse while the raven and dragons were traveling. But still, this isn’t a new level of bad, no more than Barbaro and Jessica Henwick teleporting onto a ship to murder their cousin—for justice!

Though on the other hand, there was almost nothing I could see as even being objectively enjoyable about this episode, other than one moment of some decent CGI. The battle itself was surprisingly short, and so obviously contrived that we couldn’t pretend it was a “stunning war theater” like we could last year, even if last year the context also made no goddamn sense.

Alright, time to stop delaying and actually talk about this, though of course I’ll point you to Jess’s fabulous review first if you haven’t already read it.

Winterhell

Jess breaks down the horror of Arya’s stupid Ned-slow-clapping-at-her-landing-a-bullseye story better than I can. Arya didn’t do what was required of girls growing up, and that was a source of frustration

But no, here she’s some third-wave feminist who realizes how bad the system is.

Speaking of that bad system, way to sew you dumb asshole, Sansa. What, do you think people need CLOTHES or something?

No seriously, I can’t take the toxically masculine assumptions about empowerment anymore. This entire thing is such a sexist premise, Arya shaming Sansa for navigating in a socially acceptable way

WHICH IS THE WHOLE POINT OF SANSA’S ARC. SHE FIGURES OUT HOW TO WEAPONIZE THE SYSTEM TO HER BENEFIT AND DOES IT WITHOUT AROUSING THE SLIGHTEST SUSPICION

The letter thing is ridiculous too. Not even mentioning how Winterhell burned down so that’d probably be destroyed, this should not be that much of a conflict, nor should it have the potential to undo Sansa.

As Jess pointed out, Ned played along with the Lannisters too, because THAT’S WHAT YOU DO. Is he a traitor?

Then Sansa runs to Littlefinger even though we know she doesn’t trust him.

This is where the “they’re playing LF” honeypot stems from I think, but there’s no indication that Arya and Sansa aren’t reacting to each other alone, earnestly. Do they think Littlefinger planted some kind of audio bug on Sansa or something?

LF then brings up Brienne, which is followed by the scene of Sansa ordering Brienne to Cheryl’s Landing on her behalf for the already-scheduled meeting (even though Operation Bag-A-Wight is still going on), and being an asshole about it

The only sense I can make of this is that LF wants Brienne dead, or Arya dead, and is trying to urge a fight between them since we know they enjoy that? Which I guess would just help narrow down the field of non-LF allies to Sansa

Then *maybe* Sansa is sending Brienne away for her own protection, a la through rocks in Nymeria’s face??

Except there’s NO INDICATION OF THIS. Sansa’s rationale for why she’s sending a proxy to Cheryl’s Landing checks out, especially given Jon being MIA for the North (lol)

To cap off the game of “let’s hate each other to fuck with LF in private” Sansa then finds Arya’s messenger bag of Halloween masks

and no, sorry, Sansa’s terror is played as genuine, and thank the gods she gets yet another abuser, this time a member of her family! Yay!!

SPOILER (if anyone cares) I’m starting to wonder if Sansa orders Arya to execute LF next week just to buy herself a little trust from her horrible sister, and not because they actually figure anything out

Just all around bad bad bad. Fuck sisterly affection. They were different and hated each other growing up, so therefore they’ll be antagonistic towards each other after reuniting, trauma and shared grief be damned

That said, I feel like Sansa listens to UBS. Yes! She is the reason they have the North! She shouldn’t march her face into Cheryl’s Landing! She should have her interests represented! Correct!

Bo had the above take. This killed me. I want the Bunny Hood next week.

Dragonstone

They’re playing a weird game of having to deal with all of Tyrion’s plans turning to shit, and yet also having to keep him the golden boy. It’s not really working

Is Deadpan supposed to be getting paranoid like Aerys now? But then she’s later portrayed as a straight-up Good Guy Hero later, so I have confusion

This conversation goes literally nowhere, and frankly…yeah, why bother dealing with the line of succession now? She holds Dragonstone and no one even wanted it. And Daario’s probably doing fine in Meereen

This could have been a good exploration into her sorrow over being the last Targ…sorta? Like, her just not wanting to deal with it. But the show has never dealt with it before, so it doesn’t really come across as anything rooted in characterization

Me too, Deadpan.

Beyond the Wall

My brain was unable to focus on half these conversations, so I’m going to go back and rewatch before podcasting. Like. It was all walking and talking.

Not even in the good way. In the fic-ask-prompt kind of way. “Jon and Beric in a coffee shop, go!”

To highlight I guess

Jon & Jorah: Jon offers Jorah Longclaw because being an exiled slaver was hard on him. Glad this never came up with Lyanna, the actual heir of the house

Tormond makes a bawdy joke about raping Gendry because sex is a good way to keep warm. Male victimization is a hoot

Gendry gets mad at the Brotherhood without Banners for literally selling him and almost killing him, but Sandor tells him to stop “winging” because his complaints about being sexually assaulted by Mel “could be worse”

The Hound & Tormond chat about nicknames for penises before Tormond #nohomos and talks about how hot Brienne is

Jon & Beric have both been dead, what’s up with that? Also Jon quotes his Night’s Watch vows that he broke to gain inspiration from then, and Beric says he doesn’t look like Ned. Uh…

Jorah thinks Thoros was AWESOME for the Pyke battle

Then a bear attacks and I’m put out of my misery. A wight bear. Whatever

Who the fuck are these red shirts?

Thoros almost dies, but doesn’t die, but then he dies overnight, so…okay.

The wights walk in an orderly single file.

We learn a new contrivance: wights all fall if the white walker that personally res’d them is killed. There’s so many ways this doesn’t work with what we’ve seen, not the least of which that there was ONE WIGHT who was still squirming around

A whole lot of effort for convincing Cheryl, btw, who has essentially no army at this point

Then the other wights hear this wight’s struggle? And Jon tells Gendry who has never seen snow before that he’s the fastest runner (how does he know this) and has to go send a bird to Deadpan to help them out

this is baldly ridiculous. Their only shot is if they all try to book it

Then they run across cracking ice to a little rock, and then are shielded from wights because of…cracked ice

DEAD THINGS IN THE WATER

Also, dead things go through the water later in the episode

In-verse time: Gendry runs towards Eastwatch as the sun is setting and gets there around dusk. Jon & Co. wait out one night and the attack begins when the sun is still shining. I’m putting this at about 22 hours passing. A low-ball could be 14.

Raven gets to Dragonstone, Dany flies beyond the Wall and bails them out

The battle itself was underwhelming, I thought. Just smashing random skeletons who now die with any weapon (what about FIRE like we learned in Season 1?)

Viserion’s death looked cool, and the sinking into the puddle reminded me of King Dodongo. Dunno if that’s a good thing or not, but there you have it.

However, why did Shogun aim for the far away flying dragon and not Drogon who was RIGHT THERE and full of the people trying to get away?

He literally had his buddy ready his javelin for him

Jon falling into a puddle was…what? Why did this happen? Was this for closure for Uncle Benjen? Was this so we could have a dramatic moment of Deadpan thinking he died? Was this just to have a reason for a shirtless Jon on the boat so she could see his stab wounds? What did this add??

Then the res’d Viserion was kind of cooler in concept than seeing it happen. Oh wow, let’s focus on his eye I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN

Lol at the metal working wights with their big ass chains. Can they make mini-Needle necklaces for everyone too?

Also very not reading into any of this being from the books. I could see this happening in a way, I guess? But this context, especially with a javelin-throwing Night’s King can’t be the case.

I don’t even… At least the critical reviews are pouring in. This deserved it. So did the past three years’ worth of episodes, but still.

Top 3 Nitpicks (not glaring, gaping errors)

The invitation to a meeting in KL that couldn’t have been arranged yet

The clothing! No one was wearing a hood? Deadpan was traveling faster than a jet without ear warmers?

Jon not being dead of hypothermia (or his managing to climb out at all with his sodden furs and heavy boots)

[throwingideasatthewall]

Clone Wars     Episode 16

            The Hidden Enemy

[Title       Sequence]

  Quote

   Okay

“ A planet under siege,”

  Actually shows a planet under siege

   Good job narrator, you’re on      point

   Aight

   Right

 [ unable to defend       themselves any longer,”

     Bull shit

    Those            Are           Adults

       They’ve          been             in           war              for          how          long?

     Point         Being;            No           Excuse

     Yeet

     Call        on          the         Jedi          for      assistance       More         Enablers!

   “Hoping          to         save        lives        and      prevent      further    destruction,”

    They did not assume Account -         ability and        Con-       tin      ued      To       Enable

  It’s      a    nice   design   though

 “And    Anakin   Skywalker,”

  They    dragged       the     teenager       into       this     didn’t      they?

   Nice

 Anakin

  Also     now      it’s    crucial

 “We’re       Set,”

  “ got some guys here     that are set to get going,”

   Ooh

  It’s   better

Than    Openly    Snarking      Anakin

 Now       Just    “ it’s a      little      too     much      tone,”       Back

  There      we      go

 Also   focusing       a lot      on that guy       with     yellow     armor

[Bet he’s the new    hero!]

  Whelp

 Everything’s      Looking      Pretty-      Realistic

  That’s        Dry...

  Also     are    you    right    next     to   each   other   using   walkie-talkies?

Cool

Suspic.

  Okay       Neat

   Whelp

   That’s           A          Lot

 Battalion

   Yeah       that’s         a        lot

   Tanks

    Yep  

    Hope         They          Have       Explosives

    Whelp

   “A little        Closer”

   Shouldn’t         the      superior        be giving      the orders

Like;        Fair if he handed off that         authority        off screen

     Would’ve           been nice          to see         the plan      coming together           though

       Right

      They’re       splitting            up

       Darn          It

       That      screws            up

      Whelp

       The          Fuck?

       Who            didn’t          give            a        warning??

        Like           they            all           just        silently         died??

Whelp-

  That-

    Sounded literal plastic        cans falling over

     Abort         the       mission

     ????          How?

      Is       there         a     second     doorway??

  -What

   Whelp

    Also that some admittedly weak armor

    Like one shot      and those guys go down

  Whelp

    Then again they are supposed to be    cannon fodder

   [or just outwhelm with numbers]

   Aka; The council probably gave     them cheap armor

    Whelp

   Okay

   Dude, you see flashing lights and a bunch of bullshit going     down

     Like you’ve clearly shown the ability to put pieces together

    And they might be going with a different tone-

    Then again-

  Cut off

  Droids onto       Us...

  Whelp...

      Ouch.            .

       Evac       south          tower            - His           tone is a little too innocent

        Good Plan

       South                Tower

        We’re             in            the                  North

       Not             For-

      [Okay           I’m       conflicted           are          they        going          for             Adult            Anakin?          Because          This             Is            Kinda....       New        Taking         the        bite        out         of         the        Darth       Vader       thing,             But          This          is         the         lead          up...

     Point          being;             If       they’re       going        for      adult,       they      really      need        to      lean      more       into       the     snarky   I-know exactly-what-I’m-doing-        tone

   [Even,          Re-assured        tone]

      If not; then more       monotone

      This           is          the         best           of        neither        worlds

    Does    n’t          Work

    Aight,           Lots           Of         Smart         Decisions

  [Except       for      Obi-wan]

    You          have         blasters

      Not          snipers

        How?

       Wait-

        How-?

       They’re 

      Several

        Yards-

          Blasters are       short range weapons                right?

       In every circumstance we’ve seen            they’ve been            short range-

             So-

... He dead?

    Whelp-          Heck-

    Aight

   Cutting’s         a         little       odd

  Un-    satisfactory

  Get-     Over here

    ????

Now     he can throw       stuff

    Obi-Wan           is a           show        off

   There’s         five        but       okay

   Right        the     elevator

   Oh      roof       top

    That’s       smart

     Now         What?

      No          one       guarding         the         elevator

       Or          heard           it          come          up

     (Those         things         make         noise)

      Whelp

       Good            someone              took               cover                   -

             Whelp

              Okay

               Did everyone join this roof top fight?

               Seriously,                       where is that plane/                         Carrier?

                    Whelp

                      There                                 We                            Are

                    Question                       answered

                     Aight

                    Seriously

                     What                          are                       those                        blasters?

                       I thought they were some high heated sparks that could causes bruises and dents, to the armor, breaking it down

                      But dude reacts like he got hit by a                          one-shot cannonball?

                       Like, why-

                      Anyway...

                   They escape

                    Dude, taking a                        souvenir

                      Seriously,                            that’s sus

                       [Oof]

                       Anyway..

                       [Holy sh*t                            the red!]

                          Maybe                             this tactical droid                            will help

                            You’re                                 sus

How   they   knew   our   plan

????

Has this happened   multiple   times?

That     seems like a pretty big jump?

 Like ‘oh they happen to take a different     path and stumble up the stairs,   traitor- I’m go-”

Seriously

Night

Base

Why

The editing   is   weird

Progression-

Whelp,     that     happened

...

Just   doesn’t    make   sense

That    they    saw   you     and    

reacted accordingly

Like,     what are we supposed to find   sus   here?

Missing    a bit         of   crucial   information

 How     we     got   here

 Ow

How?

Future      Tech

Rt-D2

“Least-”

  Again     -How

“They     had      all     our    Intel,”

We   saw   only   one    line     of      it     that   can      be   gleaned     from     basic   observation

  Please   enlighten      us

 Ambush

Vulnerable

 They   walked     up      a     flight     of    stairs

You   know   what   would’ve   worked   better?

Troop       Movement        Charts

   That      would’ve       worked         a lot better        with the dialogue        going on here

  And       what just happened

Here....       They kinda look like      Over paranoid idiots      for no reason

  I don’t think we did

 .... it was a flight     of stairs

  Infiltrated       our      defenses

 Up      a         flight          of          stairs

    Possibly

Dude     not possibly         you were ready to jump on this idea

   OK so this is a Obi-Wan-and- Anakin-are-overly-paranoid-and-actually stumbled-across-some-thing                                         Mission

Okay    those are fine,        Just      would’ve     liked a few more      context clues

   Exclud      -ing       the       title

    Getting          right        into        the        murder       mystery

   “Intel.”            STAIRS           ....

    Seps

  ‘Who want to betray the      guys who enabled      our           Abuse....”

   Enemy        Lines

    This is       really       corny

  Breaking       out       the    disguises

  Aight

 What....

 Anyone...

   Two       Clones

   Like they do have top security clearance           if we’re going with the Obi-wan’s     paranoid logic

   Cody      didn’t say anything...

    Whelp

   Beeping

    Whelp         Shit

   Why...        did      you     run?

  What kind of run is that...     Rex?

  Follow

   What?

   Also,       teamwork?

   Rex         Has         A         Gun

    Wait,       you’re        going          to       shoot          him??

    Please- tell me that’s a     stun gun

    Whelp,          How?

       That            Face

     Must’ve          gone          in the          mess           hall

Aight

   We’ve       got        a      big    problem

  Did   anyone   switch   into   armor

Also,     ‘ hey     did  someone     come    through     here?’

  You’re        the     superiors

   No     one‘s    going       to    question       a  reprimand      on    conduct

   Oh that you’re going to question      someone you don’t know the name of

  Like,    there’s     five     guys      here

(Maybe      More)

   And     you’re     acting       like         a       basic         “hey       what’s             up,         how’s          it      going        is      going         to      trigger         a       spy     sense,

 Like, there     is some protocol on       running        in       the      hall      right?

    Like,     seems        easy       enough

   Brothers

    Weakest       relation        in         all         the           relations

       Also dude was wearing            A gray uniform

     Did you just think he was the   custodian?

     One           Of           Us

      Did you just leave the cafeteria without....

     Rex & Cody suck at being detectives

    Also what’s his voice just did a      maniacal        there

     Like,         What?!

    We’ll have to wait for his next move....

   What is with the logic.....

   This is supposed to be a murder mystery.... but the logic  is the weakest         part

    “Jedi,”

   We found nothing       master Jedi

      [we did toss away a     lead though]

   .....

    What?

  Real discrete

    Okay

    Smart droid

     .....

     No

  Rex and Cody are the worlds worst       detectives

   Rex    Specifically

   But he was always the     instigator         of       bad         ideas

   R2D2...          Is the     spy

Whelp

...Aight

 Slick

 Aight

Whelp

 ..It was a building..

Aight...

  Whelp

   Whelp

 Time to have cookies and tea with the   separatist leader

No,       No      Way

  Assumed     authority

  Whelp

   Two        of      them       have       hair

[excluding    Slick]

  Who’s     name       is     slick

  What

   It’s       Him 

   ...

Okay     now     they      all     have     hair

Bullshit    Animators

  Two       of     those     guys      were      very    clearly    bald

  Dude    Went         To        Crate-

  In-consistency

   The third guy came out of nowhere

     And it wasn’t Slick

     Seriously my eyes on fifth guy

      He can appear out of thin            air

     Nice

   Whelp

 Stabbed

   Okay

 Ventress   Seriously,       did the cloak      conceal that much?

Unpleasant

  Obi-won, stop flirting

  Sorry

  Obi-won

   Seriously,         What is with     this scene?

  I’m      as       Ace       as        it      can        get

   (And not interested in my commentary becoming       *that*)

    And       this      scene        is     clearly        ship

   Like,      should     Anakin       go       to         a     different       room?

 [again I’m not trying to make it]

       Okay back to the clones

        [Thank God]

         What-

        Dear frick

     [i’m not sure which was       worse]

          Fuck

    Also, Machine Gu-

     Nope

      - -

    Are the     innuendos         - -        Going          to         end?

    I’m      trying        to be a relatively      serious      reviewer

    And.... sex jokes are not my   style

  Eer-

  Right         Away       

   Sket

    Dear          frick         His       name          is       literally       Sketch

    Else

    There were-    there was one dude

    Also-  why didn’t you ask when you were in the       mess?

   We          Will

    It’s       Slick

“ I     got   nothing      to       hide ,”

  Yeah,       he      does

    Med       Droids

   Aight

 Chopper

  Seriously being last must   suck

Already throwing     sus

*Up

Chopper       doesn’t have hair!

Oh, good   done with the flirting

   My       Loyal     Informant

  Gosh     dammit   Obi-won

Anakin,        Just      wants         it     over

  Whelp

Obi-wan      doesn’t     wanna       help

   Nice  

   Cool

   Don’t   shame      the      man       for       his     hobbies      (Except        for        the      enabling         of        war        part)

    Aight

    Whelp

     What

     Geez

      Like

       That’s like       collecting metal from a        training exercise

     What??

    Didn’t Cody take a          feckin head

     Seriously,      dysfunctional      is a bit strong

    Fuck

   He was doing        arts and crafts

 At least   he fessed up

  Forbidden?

   Seriously

    What          About          Rex?

      Oh whoever took the         fecking head??

    I’m no spy

    Ack

    Now         Obi-won’s    helping

   Chopper

Slick’s    Projecting

Okay

Tell     where     you     want

 Good       Job

   Saw         You

   Whelp

   Sergeant

   Freudian         Slip

   They         Have        Missions?

   I       Mean

   Name’s        literally          Slick         (Honestly        I would’ve gone          with one          of the two            “Higher                     Ups              Here;                 Would’ve                  Gone              for               a            better             twist/               Fore           shadow-ed              the             turn            (Discontent)                Ment;                This                is            just           some         random           guy

Still      servicable

 They     really   pulled      off      the   manipulator;        Wished       they        showed      this        side          of       the      enabler’s     more

   He         Won  

   Poor        Dude

   Heck          Stalling

 Seriously     what is the plan here?

 To capture her

  To...

 Get     hit      with     the    book

 Whelp

  He   should       be   long   gone

His   shelter,     is on the other side

He’s   already   got   a   Headstart 

So,     the gun ship.   is   pretty pointless

Ha     Trap

But did they just not use their     eyes?

They were right behind     him

Did....they just se. something     in the opposite direction     and   was like   ‘yeah that’s fine’

Cause     Geez

Rex       &     Cody

Ace       Detectives    Of    Freakin      None

Whelp

I thought it was just-       A Signal lure     Nope       Was     an   actual   bomb       ...      Whelp

Okay,          ... Heck

How   fast   was   fecking   slim?

Because there’s no way   no one noticed   Bombs just sitting there      ....

Like    What...

Whelp

Damn    Slim...

Take     out     the   kitchen      sink     too?

  The     Usain       Bolt,          Of      Clones

   “He        took        out      our      weapons       depot,”

  Yeah..     

   One          Dude

   What       was        he      eating?

   Pure        Sugar?

  Whelp

   That      Sucked

   He’s      not     trying         to     escape

    You         sure?

    Pretty        sure          he       could          do         both..

    [Okay,        that’s       enough        jokes          about         his       speed,           He’s           a         fast            boi]

Make     Them

You’re   terrible   superiors

[Like   everyone      is      but      you     specifically]

“Give up Ventress,”

“ i’m all yours      Obi-Wan,”

 SERIOUSLY!

    Whelp,         Clever

  “You’ve served your purpose.]

[Can      the    innuendos      stop     please?]

    Also         what        was        the       plan       here?

    Why?

    How?

   How         do      you     know     that?

   How       do        they        know      about      that??

    What??

    What’s           the        plan,         master?

     He          spent          the           entire             time,                      flirting

      Like I’m pretty convinced there was no plan

  “My sweet,”

    You           Don’t have anything to bargain  with

    “Estimated”

   Dude, how

   You       are      literally          in         a       hole

    Hop

    Well         that         was         easy

     Cool

     “Boys”

       Err-

      (How          old         is       Anakin        again?)

       Old         enough              to     supposedly           be         groomed

      (So           Under...)

        Ew,                Just             Ew

      (Despite                 The              (Adult)         Dialogue...)

        Friends...

        Seriously

         Poor            Obi-wan...

        Aight

        “Take             Control...”

           Okay,                 I’m sorry,                my heads                 in the               gutter

             (Not by                choice!)

               Also,                  Seriously?

               You                 burned-                    like                    five                 things?

                 Sucks,                      not                    really                      world                   -ending

                  How did we get this guy??

            Seriously?

         I don’t know

      Was he the test subject for some like     speed serum?

        Slick           ran           into           the      command           center

        Why?

        Also            he’s         probably           gone

       (Boi            is           fast)

       Whelp

         That            things               tilting?                How            much            does             she-

         Okay,              Whatever

          You’re               on               that

           Whelp

            Jumping                   is                    a                        good                    idea

                 Off

                Aight

               Prepare                       to                   march                      on                       the                        city

                     Geez

                        Is                            it                           that                            dude

                             Is                                this                                  an                                  origin-                                      [I                                   don’t                                   like                                     the                                   movie;                                   nothing                                     can                                     save                                       it]

                                Delay                                    the                                     Jedi                                     ...                                     Yes                                mistress

                            Aight

                            Right

                             Heck                                     is                                 the                             octopus                               thing

      He’s   probably      gone

  Whelp

   Lock         Down

    Aight

     Shit          Sun

    Aight

A   Bunch      of   bullshit     but     cool

   I’m      not      the     traitor      you        are

   He’s      got       a     point

  Also,     see      he    could    totally    kick     his     ass      he     did         it    before

   He        HAS          A       Point

Suffering

 -Err

 Brothers

 Seriously,       Weakest        relation        ever

     Of

   Freedom

     HE      HAS            A           Point

      (A         Garbled              One]

   Bull- shit

      He sustained a lot less         hits than either of those        two

    What

    Dicks

   Seriously it seems mostly intentional     but they really are just such      dicks

  (Anakin        -What         the         frick)

      HE        HAS          A       POINT!

    Bidding

     Whim

  [seriously        why         is      Anakin        the        more...]

     I      love       my     brothers

   Dick

    ?

  Good       For       Him

     ?

     ?

     -

     -

    Oof

    Now the plans don’t really make sense

    Mainly just a rushed framing device             For the       mystery

      If you focus on that          it’s pretty good

      But the villain really         saves it

     It’s honestly     heart-wrenching

    You        really       do        feel       for       the       guy

    But         shit situation and all            (And it is a shit situation          grooming and all)      That         that        energy      should          only           be       pointed          at         the      abuser                 (And     subsequent       enablers)           And      getting         out          of         that         shit       situation

      For           your        own       benefit        and        for       others

    Including         your         own      generation          (Even          the        enablers,              Who          will             their           dues               on            case              by            case            basis)               Of        Accountability                   And                Both              You                And               They                 Deserve             better              than                  to                live                with                  an               enabler

                As                    for                     the                    future                  generation,                          Do it right                        and                     they’ll                     know                       all                      they                         have                        to                        be                      thankful                         for,                     without a word,                     personally

                    The                       way                         it                      should                        be

[preserving-ferretbrain]

Review: Before They Are Hanged

by Wardog

Wednesday, 18 June 2008

Wardog tries not to sound too bitterly disillusioned.~

Still high from

my astonishingly gushy review

of Joe Abercrombie's first book, The Blade Itself, I recently embarked upon part two of the trilogy, Before They Are Hanged. If nothing else, it's an object lesson in why one shouldn't bandy the phrase "the best fantasy I've read" about without due care and attention. In short, then, the bad news is that The First Law Trilogy is not going to be the, ahem, fantasy masterpiece I thought it was; nor is it a cunning subversion of the genre or a profound meditation on the nature of the violence or any of the other silly silly things I tried to claim it was. In good, news, however, it's still okay. Well, better than average at least.

Relatively Spoiler-Free Comments

Following on at a fair pace from the events of the first book, Before They Are Hanged basically devolves into three probably connected but currently non-overlapping plot threads: you have Inquisitor Glokta fortifying Dagoska against the impending Gurkish Invasion, you have Colonel West on the frontlines of the war between the Union Forces and the Northmen and you have Bayez The Probably Batshit First Of Magi and his adventuring party (including the feckless swordsman Jezel and the thinking man's barbarian Logen Ninefingers) off on a quest for Generic Fantasy Artefact TM. All of Abercrombie's strengths are present: solidly drawn, generally morally interesting characters, crisp, sharp dialogue, exceptionally clear and vivid action sequences and a reasonable command of plotting and pacing (I was genuinely impressed when the war actually kicked off on page 187). Unfortunately, his weaknesses are also more apparent in this second outing.

Specifically, what seemed intriguingly and comfortingly generic the first time round now seems merely generically generic - the Traditional Fantasy Quest Plot, for example. It's engagingly written but it's still by far and away the least interesting third of the book. Subtleties of morality and characterisation also seem to have been lost: Jezel's redemption arc via a mace in the face is both abrupt and unconvincing; Colonel West, who was a minor player in the first book takes a more central role here but his self-disgust and his lack of self-awareness are portrayed rather clumsily, and Logen seems to have become the book's moral mouthpiece, a role which doesn't suit him and actually makes him come across as the oddest Mary Sue ever to grace the pages of fantasy fiction. Whereas all the other characters are just as much the sum of their flaws as their virtues, in Before They Are Hanged, it rapidly becomes apparent (and without giving too much away) that Logen's flaws, like his capacity for violence and destruction, are external to him rather than integral: this unbalances his character when set against the others, as well as making him significantly less interesting.

At least the crippled inquisitor, Glokta, remains as cool as ever. He's such a wonderful character that the book is worth reading for him alone.

In non-spoilerful conclusion, then, Before They Are Hanged is an above-average fantasy novel. To my mind it doesn't quite live up to the potential of the first but then there's a high probability I read things into The Blade Itself that weren't actually there at all. Nevertheless, it remains for the most part a well-written, well-structured and well-paced read that doesn't suffer too badly from fantasy-trilogy sag. It's won't change your life but it will pass the time effectively and competently, and Abercrombie has a real knack for action so expect some impressively bloody battles.

However, I do have some quite serious concerns / niggles that cannot be discussed without:

Massive Big Honking Spoilers

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As I mentioned earlier in this review, I felt that the characterisation suffered from being less nuanced than in The Blade Itself and this also applies to the book's depiction of morality. Specifically, what I really liked about The Blade Itself was its portrayal of violence. It's a typical low fantasy world so horrible things happen to semi-horrible people all the time and the book did a wonderful job of evoking the reality of that kind of society and that kind of violence. It was never gratuitously in your face about it but it was something Abercrombie did really very vividly. The Blade Itself seemed to be saying that a will towards power, violence and destruction is very much a natural part of being human - even the title, which I believe is a re-working of a quote from Homer which goes something like "the presence of weapons themselves is an encouragement to use them" seems to be concerned with the articulation of this idea. What made Logen so intriguing a character in such a world was that, as a brutal killer, he had essentially come full circle. The ultimate survivalist had become the ultimate moralist: a man who fought no longer for survival but for what he believed was right. However, in Before They Are Hanged, violence is portrayed - deliberately or not - as something very much outside and closed off from ordinary human experience: in extremis, West basically goes nuts and bites someone's nose off, Logen's barbarism is located in a spirit that possess him not within his own nature and Glotka, of course, continues to helplessly do unto others what was done to him.

I know we end up talking about rape a lot here but there's a really annoying nearly-rape in Before They Are Hanged that also ties into my concerns about the book's wavering moral compass. West is sent out to the front lines with the Crown Prince and an army of starving peasantry, where it is hoped the Prince can feel important and gather glory without ever actually encountering the reality of war. Needless to say, he's a complete waste of space and ends up taking the ragged army of ill-equipped and untrained peasants out to meet the Northman and everybody gets horrifically slaughtered, except West, the Prince, a random blacksmith chick and a small retinue of Northmen trying to oppose their war-mongering King. Then there's a lot of trudging around in cold trying to get the Prince to safety, during which time the Prince continues to be a complete waste of space in every conceivable way, showing no gratitude for those who are risking their lives to protect him or the thousands he just sent off to their deaths. Finally, West catches him in the act of trying to rape the random blacksmith chick, flips out and throws him off a cliff. Now, don't get me wrong. Rape is a terrible terrible thing. But the waste-of-space Crown Prince is also responsible for the deaths of literally thousands of people: surely that was the time to shove him off a cliff?

You can argue that Abercrombie is making an interesting point regarding the personal versus the political and that it is the small acts that affect us that individuals that spur us into action, rather than the huge acts that destroy the lives of thousands. But truthfully it just seems like typical fantasy novel inconsistency to me, and the incident says more about Abercrombie as a writer than about West as a character. As I have already written about at length in various places on this site, I hate the fact that fantasy writers tend to use rape as some kind of moral shorthand. In this instance (as in others), I very strongly felt that throwing out a casual rape scene as a way to convince us the Crown Prince really is as bad as we think he is, merely lessened the impact of his previous atrocities and implies an unhelpful moral equivalence I don't mean to get all Jeremy Bentham about it but surely Abercrombie is not trying to get us to weigh the attempted rape of one woman against the lives of thousands of peasants.

My final irritation has nothing to do with morals, merely time-wasting. One of the three plotlines, as I have mentioned, is a Generic Fantasy Quest. However, when the party arrives at its destination the Generic Fantasy Object they are seeking is conspicuous by its absence. This naturally ends the book on a note of self-conscious anti-climax. Although this is ... I suppose ... interesting in theory it is, in practice, as you might expect, anticlimactic i.e. massively unsatisfying. I read pretty quickly but nevertheless Joe Abercrombie essentially just made me about 200 hundred pages for absolutely nothing. It seems there's only one thing worse than a Generic Fantasy Quest Plot and that's a completely pointless Generic Fantasy Quest Plot. Grrr. I'm sure it'll make sense once placed in the context of the final novel but that doesn't excuse the fact that it renders a third of this one hollow.Themes:

Books

,

Joe Abercrombie

,

Sci-fi / Fantasy

~

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~Comments (

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Joe W

at 10:28 on 2008-06-19I'm looking forward to your analysis of the last book (which I can lend you, if you want)

SPOILERS of Before They Are Hanged BELOW

I share a lot of your criticisms about this book- in particular I also disliked the resolution of the Generic Fantasy Quest Plot.

I'm in two minds about Ladisla's death. I don't mind West killing him for the rape attempt; I can quite happily see it as the straw that broke the camel's back. I can quite easily see why you'd kill a man for that, but not for willful stupidity that leads to thousands of deaths. After all getting to do the latter is one of the traditional perks of being royalty- it was idiotic but not actively malicious.

What I didn't like was how much of a caricature Ladisla was- I could have lived with him as simply being utterly crap, but the rape attempt took him straight from crap into wilfully evil. I'd expected some sort of twist to the character and then was disappointed when it panned out just as I'd expect in any other book.

I will note in reference to one of your other points. that I don't think the Bloody-Nine is a spirit external to Logen; I think that like West he goes batshit in a fight- it's just that Logen tries so hard to divorce himself from the berserker that he no longer even self-identifies in that state.

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Dan H

at 13:52 on 2008-06-19

What I didn't like was how much of a caricature Ladisla was- I could have lived with him as simply being utterly crap, but the rape attempt took him straight from crap into wilfully evil.

That's usually my problem with the Obligatory Fantasy Rape Scenes. It's so often used as evidence that a particular character is zomg teh evil. See my recent article on /Age of the Five/.

As for the Bloody-Nine, I've only read the first book, and I was certainly *concerned* that there was going to be a "big reveal" to the effect that Logan was effectively controlled by an external spirit. If it remains ambiguous throughout all three books, then that's a lot better than I was expecting.

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Wardog

at 15:02 on 2008-06-19I do actually have The Last Argument of Kings - I was so passionately in love with TBI that I rushed out and bought both sequels. I'm giving myself a break to try and get over the fact that they're not what I thought they were and enjoy them for what they actually are - but I'll certainly be embarking it upon it in the next couple of weeks. But thank you kindly for the offer.

I know what you mean about Ladisla; everything about the character, and the way he's dealt with, annoys me. Being idiotic is, as you say, a traditional perk of being royalty BUT it's like he's deliberately set up so that you want somebody (probably West) to just freak out and kill the guy. I remember thinking to myself as I was reading the bit where West literally begs him not to throw away probably the war and all of those lives, "kill him, West, just kill him now." And, of course, he doesn't. He just grits his teeth and respects the institution of the monarch as, living in a heredity monarchy, you probably would. So that's why the rape-triggered freak out irritates me particularly. But, yes, you're right - it's also just depressing to have a cardboard cutout in a world otherwise by populated by quite interestingly flawed people. Even Arch Lector Sult - who is basically hand-rubbingly evil from toes to nose - is *interesting*.

About Logen ... mmm...I'm not sure. Perhaps you're right that it's just a psychological trick he's developed to protect himself from the truth of what he really is but it seems to me that the narrative seems to hinting otherwise. I mean, there's that scene where they're all sitting round the campfire confessing their mistakes (Bayaz talks about his love his master's daughter and all that stuff) and Logen talks about the time he killed his best friend and didn't remember doing it, and gives a long list of similar incidents. Also when the narrative describes Logen in extreme beserker mode it does differentiate between Logen and this other force, The Bloody Nine. Maybe you're right and it's just a rhetorical trick and you probably know since you've read the last book but even if it is just a metaphor it nevertheless isolates Logen's violent identity as something other to who he really is...

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Arthur B

at 12:31 on 2011-04-11Oh dear. I just tried to read this one and failed horribly. Maybe it's just that I left it over a year since reading the previous one - but then again, they weren't published that close to each other, were they? - but it failed to grab me early on. I tried to give it a fair chance and told myself I'd read up to page 100 and see if it had grown on me by that point, but it turned out to be a serious struggle to force myself to even get as far as page 50, so I gave up.

I think part of the problem was how utterly transparent Abercrombie is in his use of cliches and cheap shots here, combined with how shallow and simplistic the situations he constructs is.

The major example in the section I've picked out: you've got West briefing the generals and the Crown Prince on the situation in Angland, and the prince and both generals are all such over-the-top cartoons that West might as well have been briefing General Stickupthearse, General Flouncey-Dandy, and Crown Prince Totalfuckingdisaster, with Marshall Basicallyagoodsort looking on approvingly. The characterisation is so heavy-handed that you can't really take anything away from it beyond "these are the characters you are supposed to like, these are the characters you are supposed to hate."

I didn't even get to anything about Bayaz's wizardy quest, and I had this sudden epiphany where I realised that I had completely ceased to care about said quest. I didn't care about any of the characters I remembered from the last book at all. Maybe that's a consequence of leaving it so long to read book 2, or maybe that's why I left it so long in the first place: I just didn't

care

any more.

[nancygduarteus]

The New Age of Astrology

Astrology is a meme and it’s spreading in that blooming, unfurling way that memes do. On social media, astrologers and astrology meme machines amass tens or hundreds of thousands of followers, people joke about Mercury retrograde, and categorize “the signs as…” literally anything: cat breeds, Oscar Wilde quotes, Stranger Things characters, types of French fries. In online publications, daily, weekly, and monthly horoscopes, and zodiac-themed listicles flourish.

This isn’t the first moment astrology’s had and it won’t be the last. The practice has been around in various forms for thousands of years. More recently, the New Age movement of the 1960s and ‘70s came with a heaping helping of the Zodiac. (Some also refer to the New Age as the “Age of Aquarius”—the two-thousand-year period after the Earth is said to move into the Aquarius sign.)

In the decades between the New Age boom and now, while astrology certainly didn’t go away—you could still regularly find horoscopes in the back pages of magazines—it “went back to being a little bit more in the background,” says Chani Nicholas, an astrologer based in Los Angeles. “Then there’s something that’s happened in the last five years that’s given it an edginess, a relevance for this time and place, that it hasn’t had for a good 35 years. Millennials have taken it and run with it.”

Many people I spoke to for this piece said they had a sense that the stigma attached to astrology, while it still exists, had receded as the practice has grabbed a foothold in online culture, especially for young people.

“Over the past two years, we’ve really seen a reframing of New Age practices, very much geared towards a Millennial and young Gen X quotient,” says Lucie Greene, the worldwide director of J. Walter Thompson’s innovation group, which tracks and predicts cultural trends.

Callie Beusman, a senior editor at Broadly says traffic for the site’s horoscopes “has grown really exponentially.” Stella Bugbee, the president and editor-in-chief of The Cut, says a typical horoscope post on the site got 150 percent more traffic in 2017 than the year before.

In some ways, astrology is perfectly suited for the internet age. There’s a low barrier to entry, and nearly endless depths to plumb if you feel like falling down a Google research hole. The availability of more in-depth information online has given this cultural wave of astrology a certain erudition—more jokes about Saturn returns, less “Hey baby, what’s your sign?” pickup lines.

A quick primer: Astrology is not a science; there’s no evidence that one’s Zodiac sign actually correlates to personality. But the system has its own sort of logic. Astrology ascribes meaning to the placement of the sun, the moon, and the planets within 12 sections of the sky—the signs of the Zodiac. You likely know your sun sign, the most famous Zodiac sign, even if you’re not an astrology buff. It’s based on where the sun was on your birthday. But the placement of the moon and each of the other planets at the time and location of your birth adds additional shades to the picture of you painted by your “birth chart.”

What horoscopes are supposed to do is give you information about what the planets are doing right now, and in the future, and how all that affects each sign. “Think of the planets as a cocktail party,” explains Susan Miller, the popular astrologer who founded the AstrologyZone website. “You might have three people talking together, two may be over in the corner arguing, Venus and Mars may be kissing each other. I have to make sense of those conversations that are happening each month for you.”

“Astrologers are always trying to boil down these giant concepts into digestible pieces of knowledge,” says Nicholas. “The kids these days and their memes are like the perfect context for astrology.”

Astrology expresses complex ideas about personality, life cycles, and relationship patterns through the shorthand of the planets and Zodiac symbols. And that shorthand works well online, where symbols and shorthand are often baked into communication.

“Let me state first that I consider astrology a cultural or psychological phenomenon,” not a scientific one, Bertram Malle, a social cognitive scientist at Brown University told me in an email. But “full-fledged astrology”—that goes beyond newspaper style sun sign horoscopes—“provides a powerful vocabulary to capture not only personality and temperament but also life’s challenges and opportunities. To the extent that one simply learns this vocabulary, it may be appealing as a rich way of representing (not explaining or predicting) human experiences and life events, and identifying some possible paths of coping.”

People tend to turn to astrology in times of stress. A small 1982 study by the psychologist Graham Tyson found that “people who consult astrologers” did so in response to stressors in their lives—particularly stress “linked to the individual’s social roles and to his or her relationships,” Tyson wrote. “Under conditions of high stress, the individual is prepared to use astrology as a coping device even though under low stress conditions he does not believe in it.”

According to American Psychological Association survey data, since 2014, Millennials have been the most stressed generation, and also the generation most likely to say their stress has increased in the past year since 2010. Millennials and Gen X-ers have been significantly more stressed than older generations since 2012. And Americans as a whole have seen increased stress because of the political tumult since the 2016 presidential election. The 2017 edition of the APA’s survey found that 63 percent of Americans said they were significantly stressed about their country’s future. Fifty-six percent of people said reading the news stresses them out, and Millennials and Gen X-ers were significantly more likely than older people to say so. Lately that news often deals with political infighting, climate change, global crises, and the threat of nuclear war. If stress makes astrology look shinier, it’s not surprising that more seem to be drawn to it now.

Nicholas’s horoscopes are evidence of this. She has around one million monthly readers online, and recently snagged a book deal—one of four new mainstream astrology guidebooks sold in a two-month period in summer 2017, according to Publisher’s Marketplace. Anna Paustenbach, Nicholas’s editor at HarperOne, told me in an email that Nicholas is “at the helm of a resurgence of astrology.” She thinks this is partly because  Nicholas’s horoscopes are explicitly political. On September 6, the day after the Trump administration announced it was rescinding DACA—the deferred action protection program for undocumented immigrants—Nicholas sent out her typical newsletter for the upcoming full moon. It read, in part:

The full moon in Pisces…may open the flood gates of our feelings. May help us to empathize with others… May we use this full moon to continue to dream up, and actively work towards, creating a world where white supremacy has been abolished.

Astrology offers those in crisis the comfort of imagining a better future, a tangible reminder of that clichéd truism that is nonetheless hard to remember when you’re in the thick of it: This too shall pass.

In 2013, when Sandhya was 32 years old, she downloaded the AstrologyZone app, looking for a road map. She felt lonely, and unappreciated at her nonprofit job in Washington D.C., and she was going out drinking four or five times a week. “I was in the cycle of constantly being out, trying to escape,” she says.

She wanted to know when things would get better and AstrologyZone had an answer. Jupiter, “the planet of good fortune,” would move into Sandhya’s zodiac sign, Leo, in one year’s time, and remain there for a year. Sandhya remembers reading that if she cut clutter out of her life now, she’d reap the rewards when Jupiter arrived.

So Sandhya spent the next year making room for Jupiter. (She requested that we not publish her last name because she works as an attorney and doesn’t want her clients to know the details of her personal life.) She started staying home more often, cooking for herself, applying for jobs, and going on more dates. “I definitely distanced myself from two or three friends who I didn’t feel had good energy when I hung around them,” she says. “And that helped significantly.”

Jupiter entered Leo on July 16, 2014. That same July, Sandhya was offered a new job. That December, Sandhya met the man she would go on to marry. “My life changed dramatically,” she says. “Part of it is that a belief in something makes it happen. But I followed what the app was saying. So I credit some of it to this Jupiter belief.”

Humans are narrative creatures, constantly explaining their lives and selves by weaving together the past, present, and future (in the form of goals and expectations). Monisha Pasupathi, a developmental psychologist who studies narrative at the University of Utah, says that while she lends no credence to astrology, it “provides [people] a very clear frame for that explanation.”

It does give one a pleasing orderly sort of feeling, not unlike alphabetizing a library, to take life’s random events and emotions and slot them in to helpfully labeled shelves. This guy isn’t texting me back because Mercury retrograde probably kept him from getting the message. I take such a long time to make decisions because my Mars is in Taurus. My boss will finally recognize all my hard work when Jupiter enters my 10th house. A combination of stress and uncertainty about the future is an ailment for which astrology can seem like the perfect balm.

Sandhya says she turns to astrology looking for help in times of despair, “when I’m like ‘Someone tell me the future is gonna be okay.’” Reading her horoscope was like flipping ahead in her own story.

“I’m always a worrier,” she says. “I’m one of those people who, once I start getting into a book, I skip ahead and I read the end. I don’t like cliffhangers, I don’t like suspense. I just need to know what’s gonna happen. I have a story in my head. I was just hoping certain things would happen in my life, and I wanted to see if I am lucky enough for them to happen.”

Now that they have happened, “I haven’t been reading [my horoscope] as much,” she says, “and I think it’s because I’m in a happy place right now.”

Maura Dwyer

For some, astrology’s predictions function like Dumbo’s feather—a comforting magic to hold onto until you realize you could fly on your own all along. But it’s the ineffable mystical sparkle of the feather—gentler and less draining than the glow of a screen— that makes people reach for it in the first place.

People are starting to get sick of a life lived so intensely on the grid. They wish for more anonymity online. They’re experiencing fatigue with e-books, with dating apps, with social media. They’re craving something else in this era of quantified selves, and tracked locations, and indexed answers to every possible question. Except, perhaps the questions of who you really are, and what life has in store for you

Ruby Warrington is a lifestyle writer whose New Age guidebook Material Girl, Mystical World came out in May 2017—just ahead of the wave of astrology book sales this summer. She also runs a mystical esoterica website, The Numinous, a word which Merriam-Webster defines as meaning “supernatural or mysterious,” but which Warrington defines on her website as “that which is unknown, or unknowable.”

“I think that almost as a counterbalance to the fact that we live in such a quantifiable and meticulously organized world, there is a desire to connect to and tap into that numinous part of ourselves,” Warrington says. “I see astrology as a language of symbols that describes those parts of the human experience that we don't necessarily have equations and numbers and explanations for.”

J. Walter Thompson’s Intelligence Group released a trend report in 2016 called “Unreality” that says much the same thing: “We are increasingly turning to unreality as a form of escape and a way to search for other kinds of freedom, truth and meaning,” it reads. “What emerges is an appreciation for magic and spirituality, the knowingly unreal, and the intangible aspects of our lives that defy big data and the ultratransparency of the web.” This sort of reactionary cultural 180 has happened before—after The Enlightenment’s emphasis on rationality and the scientific method in the 17th and 18th centuries, the Romantic movement found people turning toward intuition, nature, and the supernatural. It seems we may be at a similar turning point. New York magazine even used the seminal Romantic painting Wanderer Above the Sea of Fog to illustrate Andrew Sullivan’s recent anti-technology essay, “I Used to Be a Human Being.”

JWT and another trend forecasting group, WGSN, in its report “Millennials: New Spirituality” lump astrology in with other New Age mystical trends that have caught on with young people in recent years: healing crystals, sound baths, and tarot, among others.

“I think it’s become generally less acceptable to just arbitrarily shit on things as like “that’s not rational, or that’s stupid because that’s not fact,” says Nicole Leffel, a 28-year-old software engineer who lives in New York.

Bugbee, the editor-in-chief of The Cut, noticed this shift a couple years ago. “I could just tell that people were sick of a certain kind of snarky tone,” she said. Up to that point, the site had been running slightly irreverent horoscopes with gifs meant to encapsulate the week’s mood for each sign. But Bugbee realized “that people wanted sincerity more than anything. So we just kind of went full sincere with [the horoscopes], and that’s when we saw real interest happen.”

But a sincere burgeoning interest in astrology doesn’t mean people are wholesale abandoning rationality for more mystical beliefs. Nicholas Campion, a historian of astrology points out that the question of whether people “believe” in astrology is both impossible to answer, and not really a useful question to ask. People might say they don’t “believe” in astrology, but still identify with their Zodiac sign. They may like to read their horoscope, but don’t change their behavior based on what it says. There is more nuance than this statistic allows for.

Many mainstream examinations of astrology as a trend are deeply concerned with debunking. They like to trot out the National Science Foundation survey that measures whether people think astrology is scientific, and remind readers that it’s not. Which, it’s not. But that’s not really the point.

While there are surely some people who blindly accept astrology as fact and view it as on par with a discipline like biology, that doesn’t seem to be the case among many of the young adults who are fueling this renaissance of the Zodiac. The people I spoke to for this piece often referred to astrology as a tool, or a kind of language—one that, for many, is more metaphorical than literal.

“Astrology is a system that looks at cycles, and we use the language of planets,” says Alec Verkuilen Brogan, a 29-year-old chiropractic student based in the Bay Area who has also studied astrology for 10 years. “It's not like these planets are literally going around and being like ‘Now, I'm going to do this.’ It’s a language to speak to the seasons of life.”

Michael Stevens, a 27-year-old who lives in Brooklyn, was in the quarter-life crisis season of life around the time of the total solar eclipse in August this year. “Traditionally, I’m a skeptic,” he says. “I’m a hardcore, like Dana Scully from X-Files type of person. And then shit started to happen in life.” Around the time of the eclipse, in the course of his advertising work, he cold-called Susan Miller of AstrologyZone, to ask if she would put some ads on her site.

She was annoyed, he says, that he called her at the end of the month, which is when she writes her famously lengthy horoscopes. But then she asked him for his sign—Sagittarius. “And she’s like, ‘Oh, okay, this new moon’s rough for you.’” They talked about work and relationship troubles. (Miller doesn’t remember having this conversation specifically, but says “I’m always nice to the people who cold-call. It sounds totally like me.”)

Studies have shown that if you write a generic personality description and tell someone it applies to them, they’re likely to perceive it as accurate—whether that’s in the form of a description of their Zodiac sign or something else.

Stevens says he could’ve potentially read into his conversation with Miller in this way. “She’s like ‘You’re going through a lot right now,’” he says. “Who isn’t? It’s 2017. ”

Still, he says the conversation made him feel better; it spurred him to take action. In the months between his call with Miller and our conversation in October, Stevens left his advertising job and found a new one in staffing. Shortly before we spoke, he and his girlfriend broke up.

“[I realized] I’m acting like a shitty, non-playable character in a Dungeons and Dragons RPG,” Stevens says, “so I should probably make choices, and pursue some of the good things that could happen if I just [cared] about being a happy person in a real way.”

Stevens’ story exemplifies a prevailing attitude among many of the people I talked to—that it doesn’t matter if astrology is real; it matters if it’s useful.

“We take astrology very seriously, but we also don't necessarily believe in it,” says Annabel Gat, the staff astrologer at Broadly, “because it's a tool for self-reflection, it's not a religion or a science. It’s just a way to look at the world and a way to think about things.”

Beusman, who hired Gat at Broadly, shares her philosophy. “I believe several conflicting things in all areas of my life,” she says. “So for me it's very easy to hold these two ideas in my head at once. This could not be true at all, and also, I'll be like ‘Well, I have three planets entering Scorpio next month, so I should make some savvy career decisions.’”

This attitude is exemplified by The Hairpin’s “Astrology Is Fake” column, by Rosa Lyster, with headlines like “Astrology Is Fake But Leos Are Famous,” and “Astrology Is Fake But Taurus Hates Change.”

It might be that Millennials are more comfortable living in the borderlands between skepticism and belief because they’ve spent so much of their lives online, in another space that is real and unreal at the same time. That so many people find astrology meaningful is a reminder that something doesn’t have to be real to feel true. Don’t we find truth in fiction?

In describing her attitude toward astrology, Leffel recalled a line from Neil Gaiman’s American Gods in which the main character, Shadow, wonders whether lightning in the sky was from a magical thunderbird, “or just an atmospheric discharge, or whether the two ideas were, on some level, the same thing. And of course they were. That was the point after all.”

If the “astrology is fake but it’s true” stance seems paradoxical, well, perhaps the paradox is what’s attractive. Many people offered me hypotheses to explain astrology’s resurgence. Digital natives are narcissistic, some suggested, and astrology is a navel-gazing obsession. People feel powerless here on Earth, others said, so they’re turning to the stars. Of course, it’s both. Some found it to be an escape from logical “left-brain” thinking; others craved the order and organization the complex system brought to the chaos of life. It’s both. That’s the point, after all.

To understand astrology’s appeal is to get comfortable with paradoxes. It feels simultaneously cosmic and personal; spiritual and logical; ineffable and concrete; real and unreal. It can be a relief, in a time of division, not to have to choose. It can be freeing, in a time that values black and white, ones and zeroes, to look for answers in the grey. It can be meaningful to draw lines in the space between moments of time, or the space between pinpricks of light in the night sky, even if you know deep down they’re really light-years apart, and have no connection at all.

from Health News And Updates https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2018/01/the-new-age-of-astrology/550034/?utm_source=feed

[high-lady-of-dreams]

“Time stretched years back and years forward, but nothing that came afterward ever had the power to wash away what came before.”

The Queen of the Tearling is a YA Fantasy novel written by Erika Johansen where we get to follow the story of Kelsea Raleigh/Glynn, a princess to be made queen in a kingdom called the Tearling. After her mother´s death, she was taken to be brought up in a small cottage. But, on her 19th birthday, things change and Kelsea faces new challenges as she is taken to New London so she can ascend the throne.

Going into this book, I didn´t have that much in mind for what it would be like. I had seen a fair amount of good reviews but also some 3-star ones so I didn´t set my expectations too high which it turns out was probably a wise choice. All in all, I thought the book was okay but I definitely have some problems with it as well.

THE REVIEW WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FROM THIS POINT

So, let´s start by checking off my dislikes, that being pacing, worldbuilding, certain jokes and the topic of beauty in this book.

Firstly, this book feels like it´s a lot longer than it actually needs to be and the pacing (except for the last 100 pages where it gets better) could definitely use a kick in the butt in my opinion. While I really liked Johansen’s writing (her descriptions and techniques I have nothing to fault on), much of the book felt like it dragged a little and it wasn´t until about the 200/630-page mark that I felt I was past the introduction. You might argue that some might be able to pull this off with a big and rich enough world and/or plot which brings me to my next point.

The worldbuilding and background for the magic are probably my two main problems in the book. If I´m to be really harsh, I´d even argue they are non-existent. We find out that some person named William Tear once brought a bunch of people to this place called the Tearling and there´s a few other countries around it (which I believe are all called “the New World”) but there is NO INFORMATION WHAT SO EVER as to where this Tearling place is – just that it´s on earth and has random connections to America and England – and even such a simple thing as building the world with scenery and descriptions of their surroundings is done very sparingly, resulting in something very flat and quite frankly, plain confusing. The magic has the same problem as it occurs very conveniently and while I like the idea of how it works and the abilities given to the sapphires Kelsea has, there is no background or anything as to how this works or -again- where it comes from. At least when it comes to the magic this could still be explained in the later books.

When it comes to some of the things we do know about the world and the society in the Tearling, it´s that it´s very harsh and while it´s supposed to be in the future, because of the wars that have raged their ways and technology are set back and look almost like something of the middle-ages. While I´m fine with that, I was surprised to see how mentionings of rape and raiding felt kind of thrown in there for some kind of sensationalism. I think it can be fine writing something where those things exist and it can even be helpful if your trying to deal with social problems, historical information or something like that but for the most part it just didn´t feel like it quite belonged here. Instead of pushing a message or setting a certain tone, it just kind of left a strange taste in your mouth. There is even one point where Kelsea is stuck with the Fitch and she jokes about him having impregnated her in her sleep (basically making a rape joke) which just infuriated me and confused me.

Another quote Johansen managed to confuse me with was this one Kelsea gets in her head as she sits before the nobles of New London:

“Kelsea saw now that there was something far worse than being ugly: being ugly and thinking you were beautiful.”

Okay, can we just step away from this – without even considering the context of the book – and marvel at an author putting this in a book made for young adults. What happened with empowering people, empowering and promoting people being who they are and loving who they are no matter what? What happened to beauty not being everything and focusing on the personality – even if the particular character she speaks about doesn´t have much – and the other qualities of a person?

And even if one would want to argue that the society they live in value beauty more and etc. etc, not even that argument holds up if you ask me. The theme of beauty and it´s importance has been quite obviously put into the book as Kelsea is supposed to be this very plain and even bordering-on-ugly girl who still is made the queen. Towards the end of the book, before Kelsea´s crossing and the whole “showdown”, she even has to cut her hair – making her even more “ugly” – but she is still just as respected, just as powerful and her personality and desire for justice is the same, so what is that quote doing here? 

—

But, looking away from all that, there were still some points in the book that I really did like, that being the premise, the magic in itself, Kelsea’s personality and the fact that the plot isn´t revolving around her having to find herself a king or prince or lover to rule her kingdom.

The premise of this story is really good and I really loved the idea of a story about a young girl becoming queen who wanted justice and who wanted to empower women and get her people back on the right track after all the bad decisions her mother made. I also really love the idea of her jewels having these powers and giving her visions – but both kind of fall because of the execution of the story which I think is just a pity.

Kelsea, as a character, was also something that I actually really enjoyed. I think she felt a little different from a lot of the endless YA heroines that exist today. She already knew she was going to become queen and she´s not just described as plain because she´s ~secretly~ the most beautiful girl in the country. She just happens to not look like a model and that is totally fine which I think was really nice (obviously not counting that quote she made…). I also really like how headstrong she was and how she really fought to have books brought into the castle for all her servants and herself to read so she can some day distribute them back to the common people, even if the whole main-character-who-happens-to-love-books is a little cliché.

One last thing I liked – and that was likely what pulled me through these 630 pages – wasJohansen’ss writing and technique. While I think she has work to do with worldbuilding and scenery, the things she does describe and done so beautifully. She has a nice flow in her language and I think her use of symbols was really nice. It´s a bit of a theory of my own but I don´t think William Tear being so similar to Noah´s arc and Kelsea being a kind of symbol for justice was made accidentally.

Then again, studying literature can just sometimes make you look into things a little too deep… ;)

So, all in all, I did like it, but because of the problems I had with it and the pacing it brought the whole thing down a little for me and stopped me from enjoying it quite as much as I felt I could have. It´s made me curious enough to read the second book, but I´m probably not going to rush to my computer and kindle store to get it.

2,75/5 stars.

Review: The Queen of the Tearling by Erika Johansen "Time stretched years back and years forward, but nothing that came afterward ever had the power to wash away what came before."