#tjs worst fix ever

[bugslaststraw]

Overwatch: the art of writing bad stories on purpose

Clocking in at just over 4k words: a semi-coordinated rant on the topic of Blizzard's history of lawsuits, Overwatch'es history of canonical queerness, and the strange marketing techniques that tie the two topics together. Written by someone who got into the game less than a week ago and likes it in a hatewatch "I love garbage" sort of way, intended for those less familiar with the topic at hand. I tried to source claims but it didn't work so let it be known that I did actual research but I'll probably get stuff wrong anyway so I tried to be funny about it here we go:

Section 1: Frat Boy Snowstorm and it's attempts at being progressive.

Try to focus. This is the most boring part.

So as I hope you all know by now, Blizzard is a pretty shit company. I say shit, because controversial sounds too unbiased. Most of us are familiar with the lawsuits against the company relating to sexual assault charges, unsafe working conditions for female employees and a quote "frat boy environment," of which they've been under fire for since 2018, but recently (early April '23 to be precise) they've also faced a lawsuit for sneakily coming up with a way to underpay their eSports champions. (Both of these are easy to look up if you want more info.) However, the company is a giant, that along with Overwatch released Call of Duty and a bunch of other games I don't recognise (fuck me I'm not an FPS person,) and, aside from the money they easily paid out, they really haven't faced any major consequences for their scummy behaviour.

This is exactly what they want, of course: for the whole thing to blow over as quickly as possible. Keep this in mind as we move on. That's the whole reason Section 1 exists: to remind you that Blizzard, like Disney, is a Big Corporate Company that will go to ridiculous lengths to make sure that the actually relevant controversies are forgotten in favour of smaller stupider shit.

If there's one thing Blizzard loves to do more than make their female employees uncomfortable, it's to tote around their progressiveness. Of course, this usually doesn't extend to Call of Duty or any of their more "grounded" "gritty" and generally masculine domains, but Overwatch specifically is a testing ground for all kinds of bullshit and we can't go a season without one billion articles about "Overwatch first game to have character of xxx nationality on playable roster" etc etc etc. People absolutely shit their pants every time the game announces a new queer hero or whatever, because since it's a Big Corporate Company and it's just barely achieving the bare minimum of inclusivity, of course, that's got to be a big deal right? Except of course that like Disney, Blizzard will do literally fucking anything to make sure their games stay relevant and that more people buy and play them, and these attempts at inclusivity can be assumed to be preformed mainly out of a desire to make money and cover up their scandals, and not because the people who call shots actually care. It becomes incredibly clear how Blizzard sees inclusivity as an idea when you consider their viral invention from last year, the Diversity Space Method.

To some of you this may look like a good thing at first, and originally I think it was, as the idea was to keep track of how many of their characters weren't any of these things displayed above so that they could keep that number down, but as soon as someone came up with the idea to assign a certain number of points to each character, the whole concept crashes and burns. You see, according to this chart here, (and as another Tumblr user famously put it), Torbjörn (3) is older than Lucio (2) is black. And I'm pretty damn sure that's not how that works.

No doubt a percentage of the artists and writes for the game had some sort of passion. After all, there is genuine treasure to be found in the character designs, animations and even some of the voice acting. But you know how it is when it comes to inclusivity; the artists so often never get to do more than drop hints and leave people guessing. Which leads us neatly into the next section.

Section 2: This game's kinda shit!

And I don't mean the game itself. Idk about that, I never played it (and my friends who do all have wildly varying opinions.) I am talking about the stories. When I first started "researching" (hatewatching) the shorts and comics for this game, I was angrily wondering why they all felt so hollow. It was like looking at AI generated art, it was like looking into the eyes of what you thought was a person and seeing two camera lenses staring back, it felt empty, it felt bland despite all the good character designs and the lore and the concepts and the colors and the nice clean lines. Something was missing, and it was uncanny as hell! Eventually though, I managed to narrow it down to a few key issues:

A lot of comics and shorts feel like ads above eveyrthing else, they're made to sell the game rather than be good, and they therefore lack passion.

Possibly as a result of this, they operate almost entirely on "tell don't show" rules, thereby feeling even more empty.

These stories still manage to lack substance and they don't really canonise a lot about the world or characters, especially regarding relations between characters, and,

the really interesting storylines are usually left uncontinued or unexplored, possibly due to aformentioned lack of passion and an egotistical but sadly fulfilled hope that people will download the game or at least read the rest of the comics to find out more.

All this put together make for a very strange experience in which you can, if you squint, see the fuzzy outline of a good story, good worldbuilding and interesting characters, and imagine that the details make sense. Which, granted, is usually what people do. If you use your brain or have experience in writing, however, it all falls apart.

Section 3A: Overwatch is a knock-off

Well, not exactly. But it does have a strange habit of borrowing from other games. For example, did you know I'm a TF2 fan? Probably. Did you know each individual TF2 class has an Overwatch equivalent? Me neither, until now. Scout and Tracer, Medic and Mercy, Sniper and Widowmaker, Spy and Sombra, hmm I'm sensing a pattern here, Demo and Junkrat (we'll get back to him later,) and so on.

"That's a coincidence," you say. "They're similar games, of course there are equivalents," you say. To that I says: you may be right. We may all collectively be overthinking this. We may all also collectively be overthinking the Omnic crisis as a whole and why it's so damn similar to Fallout's synths, they've both got robot racism and violent groups who want to kill the robots one of which is in Australia, which is a plot point in TF2 as well oh look at that, but again I'm sure it's all a big fucking coincidence right and sorry sorry I'll stop now.

It is actually genuinely possible that those are coincidences, no sass intended, but considering how Blizzard operates on the whole, I doubt it. They've already proven to be rather lazy with their stories. There's nothing wrong with having similar ideas or being inspired, but when it's as noticeable as this, along with everything else, I just can't help but feel disappointed.

Section 3B: Overwatch is also a porn category

Oh yeah, speaking of never properly canonizing relationships between the characters (and aging their underage characters up to eighteen for hitherto mysterious reasons, and releasing all those horny fanservice skins,) here's an utterly ridiculous fact: when Overwatch dropped in 2016, quite a lot of people didn't know it was a game because there was so much (animated, drawn etc) porn of it that it flooded and quickly rose to the top of the "games" category on most popular sites (hard to source for obvious reasons, but I've had a friend check for me.) It still sits up there, by the way, surpassed only by funny space bean game (I'm not kidding.) Why? Two reasons. One: all the game's female characters are impossibly beautiful and (in every case but like two post-launch releases) skinny and generally conventional as well. No surprise there. Two: the game models are well rigged, high quality and incredibly easy to get at, making it so that people can tank them down and use them for whatever they like without issue. Rumour has it that this is on purpose.

My question is, what has this influx of smut done to the game? You see, if there's one thing Blizzard loves more than making their female employees uncomfortable, bragging about inclusivity, and copying other games, it's pandering. And they pander to everybody, or at least to as many people as possible, usually all at the same time if they can get away with it. This, I have to theorise, is why all the characters seem to be flirting with one another, but only one or two actual relationships are canon. They simply don't want to piss off any part of their demographic, which they force as wide open as possible because money money money money money. This means embracing the porn and making sly references to that part of the fanbase with skins, voice lines, and odd comments in interviews.

Anyway, back to the lawsuits, or rather the consequences of them. You see, canon queerness in Overwatch comes in threefold. This is the story of two thirds of it.

Section 4: Toy Soldier and Knock-off Scout Adventures

This is Soldier 76. And he's gay.

Everybody clap for Blizzard now. It's coyly canonised in a short story titled Bastet. 76 here was never a very popular Overwatch character, lore wise, so I guess this move makes sense. I can see why, too. He's very plain and simple design wise, almost grounded, but not enough that you notice it at a glance. He looks like a plastic toy. Anyway, his queerness wont piss off too many dudebros long-term, since fewer people play him, but it gives everybody else something to chew on, so everybody wins right?. When was Bastet released again? Oh, January of 2019? What else happened around that time? The settling and aftermath of the first lawsuit? Great. That totally wasn't a cover-up for anything. Definitely not.

It's not like 76 is the first character to be confirmed as queer though. Blizzard's favourite Overwatch character Tracer is too, being confirmed as having a girlfriend named Emily all the way back in 2016.

That's good right? I mean, that was before the controversy even started! Surely they did this for normal, innocent reasons and oh who the fuck am I kidding she's a conventionally attractive female character kissing another conventionally attractive female character in a game dominated by male players with male devs and a porn category more expansive than the Bible and we know damn well why that happened.

We can but pray that someone who was in on this gave a shit. Maybe the artist. The writer. Somebody. But this is a barren and cold world and I dare not hope even for that.

Not to mention, both of these things were distinctly one-off notes. It's mentioned once, and then never again, and after 2019 there was a four year radio silence on the whole subject of queer characters that didn't change until the release of OW2. And yet, Blizzard loved to brag about how inclusive they are at every turn even back then. "Look at us," they say, as the characters stare at you from the computer screen with their dead, hollow eyes, "look at how good we are! Please buy our game."

The status quo would change significantly in 2023, however, with the introduction of their latest addition to the roster; Lightweaver. Lifeweaver. Lightweaver? Wait hold on

Section 5: The most annoying twunk to ever grace the earth flings you into the stratosphere

This is Niran "Bua" Pruksamanee, also known as Lifweaver.

He debuted on the 11th of April, 2023, and he's The First at a lot of things, which, of course, made headlines. "First Thai character in a major FPS game" was probably the most common one. I'd feel better about that if I didn't know it's most likely the result of Blizzard trying to cash in inclusivity points. The second First he has is the more controversial one, however: First Overwatch character to be confirmed queer on launch. That's right, after four years of Jack Shit, they're back on it! And, well.

You see, to fully understand my emotions about this you need to know who Lifeweaver is. Despite Overwatch being a game with Mr black-hole-head toes-out "yet another poor-taste representation of DID" Sigma and a football-sized foul-mouthed hamster in a mechsuit in it, neither of them manage to be very funny. Lifeweaver, however, is objectively fucking hilarious, for these main reasons:

His amicable, light hearted healer-character personality clashes with his backstory, in a way that actually works. Lifweaver is a scientist who dropped out of a prestigious academy to stop people from trying to A: steal and B: jail him for his invention: biolight (which is exactly what it sounds: light that grows like plants, or vice versa.) Because of this biolight stuff, he is canonically wanted in seventeen countries and counting. And yet he's so glad to be here, you can hear the smile in his voice, he's kind, he's carefree. And he flirts.

With, like, everybody. Notably Mercy, and apparently he was roomates with Symmetra and speaks very fondly of her. On top of that he's (very) low-key implied to at least want to flirt with Roadhog of all people (can't say I blame him, anyway I'll get back to him,) and, uuh. Baptiste? Who's Baptiste? Nope, never heard of him. Ex-mercenary who regrets his actions and now plays support to make up for all the murder he did? Is what you may be asking yourself. Seriously, nobody talks about Bap. Maybe that's why he's being brought back into semi-relevance now, as Lifeweaver canonically (and smoothly) asks him on a date at a nice restaurant, to which he, unsurprisingly, says yes. He's always been very flirty himself. That should technically make it four canon queer characters in the game, but Baptiste still has some plausible deniability because of his personality, so arguments can still be argued, as they say.

Back to Lifeweaver. More specifically his playstyle. This bright pink healer wants nothing but to help people and further science! His players, however, will gladly ruin your day for shits and giggles. You see, it's become a bit of a gimmick of Overwatch as a whole to let you move your enemies around the battlefield. Junker Queen has her magnetic gauntlet thing, Roadhog has a hook, everybody and their mom have knockback, etc. Lifeweaver, however, can move his friends around. He has an ability to pull his teammates towards himself which he can also use to sling some of them across the map if they cooperate and/or move wrong. He can also raise a platform under any player that tosses them (or their lifeless corpse) into the air. This is incredibly useful in a coordinated team where everybody's using voice chat, eg. the way Overwatch is actually meant to be played. Overwatch is, however, never played how it's meant to be played. Hilarity ensues.

The circumstances of Lifeweaver's release. Here's the thing. On the 4th of April 2023, exactly one week before his release, Blizzard was sued again, this time for underpayment and mistreatment of their eSports champions. Although it's impossible to create a whole character in a week, it's fully possible that at least some parts of Lifeweaver's personality and some of the stuff he calls to canon (we'll get to The Thing later I promise, be patient,) were influenced by this. It's comically well timed that such a controversial character dropped so soon after that scandal, and while the model and animations were definitely finalized before that, any given set of voice lines could've been phoned in on the night of April 4th for all we know.

Put together, all of this is either infuriating or ridiculous. Some days it's one, some days the other, and some days, I'm just not sure. Originally I hated Lifeweaver. He felt predictable to me, a cheap coverup, a stereotype, and an annoying one at that. But eventually I sort of came around, because he got so annoying that I kind of had to respect him for it. From there, I eventually ended up here. And I think a lot of other people, notably the players themselves, felt the same. Go figure.

Section 6A: No scummy marketing tactic is complete without queerbait!

Valuable life lesson: it is very, very hard to tell wether or not something is queerbait by looking at the media itself. The possibilities that the perceived homoerotic tension is an accident, or a hint that's left vague for stylistic reasons, or simply a slow burn, are all present and impossible to rule out. The real way you find out if something is queerbait is by looking at the actual marketing. Listen to what devs say in interviews. Look at promotional material. Et cetera. Because I don't have the patience to watch those interviews, I can't actually say wether what I'm about to discuss is queerbait or a series of unfortunate accidents made as a result of Blizzard's bad habit of pandering, so I'll let you form your own conclusions and possibly go look it up on your own. (And then come back here and tell me about it because I'm so so curious.) I am probably going to go into excruciating detail on this next part. I am so sorry. I can't help but have favourites. So without further ado;

This is Jamison "Junkrat" Fawkes.

Or at least, it was back in OW1. (I promise the full body transparent background image is crucial.)

Anyway, this absolute bastard is a favorite of mine. (Having favourite OW characters? I am cringe but I am free.) He was in the game from launch, and remains one of the more interesting and, shall we say, least soulless characters in the game to this day. Not that there's that much to him. He never shuts up, he's clinically insane as a result of several concussions and a lot of radiation, and he really really likes blowing things up. Together with Roadhog, he's a freelance mercenary with little to no morals whatsoever, taking on whatever job gets them both cash, action, and buildings to explode.

Oh yeah, right. Mako "Roadhog" Rutledge, the quiet, stoic and occasionally terrifying two meter tall shit brickhouse with a stitched gas mask shaped like a pig snout and a massive hook on a chain. Sadly, although he's crucial to the segment, I can't really discuss him as much as I would like to because he has like five voice lines in total (an exaggeration) and half of them are just him telling Junkrat to shut the fuck up (not an exaggeration.) "Stoic, silent characters can be interesting without speaking," I hear you say. Yes, I reply, if they're well written. But this is Overwatch. Never ever get your hopes up about Overwatch.

Anyway, the trash rat and Mr Whole Hog here have an interesting history. Originally, they were simply friends, running around and doing Hilarious Antics™ (that were never very funny, other than in concept.) They feature in several comics together (none of which are very good,) they chat a lot in game and they have their own animated short called The Plan (which is the first Overwatch thing I ever consumed, also not very good, but hey, it landed me here.) And before I get into the queerbait part of this segment, let me just say that studying just this small part of Overwatch tells volumes about the writing all on its own. The tell-don't-show, the inconsistencies, the rampant ludonarrative dissonance... Stars, the comics want you to take Roadhog so seriously. They're leaning super hard into the edge with a brutal backstory and focus on making him as menacing as possible. Meanwhile, in game he, and I cannot stress this enough, walks around ass out the entire time. Google at your own risk. Don't say I didn't warn you!

There is this one voice line, triggered when interacting with one another, where Junkrat says somthn' like "You'll hook 'em, I'll cook 'em!" and Roadhog just sighs in frustration, but then there's another line, triggered the same way, where HE begins the saying, "I'll hook 'em..." "And I'll cook 'em!" In short, fuck you consistency, and this contrast could be really interesting if it was well written. But of course Overwatch will Never Ever elaborate on this, as per usual.

As the years went by, however, things got... A bit weird. Junkrat has always been friendly. According to him, he and Hoggie (he calls him that, not me) are the bestest of friends. And although Roadhog acts as though he hates Junkrat a lot of the time, this is very obviously just tsundere behaviour used to mask the fact that he does really like him quite a lot. But in what way? "Gayass," said half the fandom. "No, fuck you," said the other half, "this is clearly a father-son dynamic." "You're all homophobic," said the first half. "Maybe we are," said the second, "what are you gonna do about it?"

And Blizzard... Did nothing. Well, they did canonise their ages at some point, and there is about two decades inbetween the two (Junkrat is allegedly 25 although I find that hard to believe, I mean look at him, and RH is in his late forties) which one would assume suggests their support of the father-son thing, right? Man, if only it were that easy. First of all, the writing is so nondescript and vague that their actual dynamic doesn't resemble a parental one even in the slightest, especially not on Junkrat's tounge, and seeing as he's both more affectionate and more talkative I'll lend that it's appropriate weight. Predictably, there is also one line that is inexplicable, unexplainable and clearly an innuendo, where if you run Junkrat and eliminate an enemy RH, he'll say something like "I guess we know who's on top now, don't we?" This doesn't appear to be a reference to anything, trust me, I've tried to check. Excuse me while I take a sledgehammer to Blizzard's servers. Again, we can't assume anything's ever on purpose, but c'mon. Who greenlit that?

So, unsurprisingly, Blizzard is being annoyingly non-commital again, so as not to piss off either half of their fanbase. Things went kinda quiet after that. Anything released was, again, purposely vague.

And then OW2 happened.

Section 6B: Subtlety, lack thereof, and the art of applying a metallic texture to a default Blender orb

This is Junkrat, as his current in game model. Sad, right? How they forced him to take a bath before letting him into OW2? How they regrew his hair and ripped off his cooler patches? It's a fucking travesty. People are calling him "Cluttermouse" as a joke now. Why would they do this? They massacred my boy.

Anyway, if you're observant you'll notice he's got an earring now. Yeah, on his right ear. Yeah. What's that? You were on Tumblr in 2016? You remember all the circling posts about "earring on the right ear means person wearing it is gay" posts? You grew up a bit and assumed that was made up or blown out of proportion? You asked your mom one day and she confirms it was a very widely known symbol until around the century change? Some fans must've noticed. Most of them didn't, though, because most of them are twelve. Anyway, I tell myself (and you) that it doesn't actually have to mean anything. If you look at the design again you'll see Rattie here is very asymmetrical, and leaned to his-right-your-left, both of his prosthetics being on that side. (He even walks unevenly, which I love.) It's likely that the modellers simply had no clue about the earring symbolism thing, and just wanted to play into that asymmetry. Right?

...and then Lifeweaver dropped.

And then everyone lost their fucking minds.

Ya see, dearest readers (thank you for making it this far,) Lifweaver, Pink Petal Supporthero McGoodguy, has not one, but two conversations with Junkrat in game. One of them feels fairly normal, with them discussing the price on Lifeweaver's "noggin" and laughing about it a bit. The other one, oh boy, the other one goes like this:

🌸"Are you and Roadhog together?"

🐀"Do~ you ever see us apart?

🌸"No. I meant: are you couple?"

🐀"Yes!! A couple of dashing rouges! Not sure... What you're missing here."

Yeah. I'd lose my shit too. I guess I kind of did, but not for the reason you think. You see, this right here, in terms of pure writing talent, is fucking genius, because it manages to be controversial without actually confirming anything. By that I mean, that because Fawkes said "yes" quite enthusiastically, the half of the fandom that said "gayass" think he meant yes, but because he noped out of that yes with the "couple of dashing rouges" bit, the other half of the fandom think he meant no! This is where I really start to wonder if they called Junkrat's voice actor at 2 in the morning and went "hey bud take a few extra grand and help us record another few lines will you? We just got sued again."

This shit is simultaneously funny as hell, sad, and absolutely infuriating. In reality, Junkrat has approximately two braincells rattling around in his skull, of which he is constantly frying, due to all the concussions. He probably doesn't even know what his relationship to Mako is. That might've been the case, and it would've been a good joke, had Overwatch been a well-written game. Sadly, it's all shitfuck at worst and boring at best, and this latest little oddity just makes me even more convinced that Junkrat and his partner have been banished to Queerbait Limbo for the foreseeable future.

Section 7: In conclusion,

Blizzard is shitfuck company, Overwatch is shitfuck game, I spent at least three hours writing this up and probably more editing it together and in less than a month, it's June and Overwatch'es first in-game pride event drops. Needless to say, I'm scared.

How much time did you waste reading? Did I state fake news? Do you have additional trivia? Do tell. I'm so curious. This has been four thousand words of nothing. Goodbye.

[reallyrandomtj]

PLEASE HELP ME OUT?!

By making my drabble ideas known to mutuals I will hopefully finally have some priority and direction of what my brain has been rotting on which I noticed had been zapping all my mental energy to tackle asks and drafts in a timely manner!

Since I have failed to figure out which idea I wish to write about first ~ I wish to hear my mutuals thoughts that will very likely help me to stop stressing and refocus on what I wish to properly tackle - ask responses and drafts!

You're welcome to, in the comments, tell me the order you like to see as drabbles on this blog as I'm unsure if I will make a poll after each drabble is written and posted... yet!

Details of what you are voting for:

( Under read more ~ ♡ )

Argenti 'first death' IMMORTAL VERSE

Featuring Yaoshi, maybe Tayzzyronth.

After Argenti receives a 'blessing' of immortality from the Aeon of Abundance, he is still trying to properly come to terms with his current situation and while trying to relax the Knight of Beauty is ambushed and 'killed' by members of the Swarm that were spreading themselves around the area.

Meilu vs Nihility ( IX )

Featuring Dr. Ratio and Aventurine. Likely a bit of Meilu's battle prowess.

In Meilu's HSR Verse, she was originally supposed to meet Dr Ratio and Aventurine only to come across an 'ooze' attempting to consume an 'innocent civilian' but isn't aware that the ooze was controlled by the Aeon of Nihility ~ until she finds herself being targeted by a much more aggressive form of that same ooze... will she be consumed by the Nihility or will Meilu resist and be able to force IX into a full retreat?

Gepard 'worst ever injury' as Captain

Featuring Gepard and Serval working together to build him a strong weapon, the canon guitar case he wields.

Beginning in the early days of being Captain of the Silvermane Guards. Gepard only has his preservation shield and ice abilities while fighting in the Fragmentum. A serious leg injury forces Gepard to spend a lot of time in hospital to recover and tries to make up with his sister Serval, after an argument before his fight in the Fragmentum, to create a weapon for him that isn't easily broken by a monster so he can better protect his men!

Blade x Eden NSFW

Featuring Blade being completely unphased with sex in public--

Due to a simple easily fixed situation, Eden sounded rushed on the phone and didn't say goodbye like normal, Blade got worried and tracked Eden down to a mall. Only to find her shopping with Dan Heng and March, Blade proceeds to 'steal' Eden away for 'punishment' and ends up railing his partner in a nearby changing room at the mall.

[leoalvarez-clowncarcommittee]

chase "chusky" chunter (for the ask game)? 👉👈

Carl Hendricks:

    Chase’s Magician. His homie, his best friend before and after Leo. The friend who came out to him moments after Chase came out himself, but the Chunter was too in his own head to notice. The two have one of the most unique dynamics to me. Carl clearly likes Chase as more than just a friend, maybe for as long as Leo has liked Chase even. But Carl, who never articulated his queer sexuality even to himself, could never admit that. After everything that goes down with Leo during Route 65, to even having the privacy of sharing a dorm room, Carl is still unable to make his move. Always afraid of rejection on some level. Either of himself, of Chase, or maybe even just the consequences of Leo losing his shit and beating his ram ass up. It’s the classic best friend in love but never able to muster the courage to say anything trope. I love it, even if it’s a cliche. 

    There’s also the matter of how Chase takes advantage of Carl… a lot. Less so the money as Carl and his family have way too much (even if Chase is the second most affluent family in the friend group…) but more of Carl’s want to not be alone - either the crippling self doubt and anxiety or the very tangible hauntings. I don’t want to ‘fault’ Chase for that because it makes Carl happy in the short term… but maybe the constant over attention didn’t help Carl build himself up to help break out of his shell. Also made it much worse when Chase cut Carl from his life when he started dating Leo. I don’t think Chase ever thinks about how much he hurt Carl or even how close the two were. It always struck me as sort of odd when Chase only mentions Leo being his best friend… but maybe I’m reading too much into it. Either way, the complex relationship Chase shares with Carl is one of my favorites in the game. I think they play off each other so well and the painfully obvious attraction each one has for the other while they sit there and do nothing about it because of the Leo of it all, combined with their own personal insecurities is what drew me into the game with Carl as my first route. Carl is best boy and deserves better than Chase… but also Carl can fix Chase so it’s ok.

Tj Hess:

    Chase’s (inverted) Justice. Chase wubify’s Tj along with everyone else and it’s really sad because Tj really thinks the world of Chase. Chase’s ‘religion is bad’ attitude really pushed Tj down after Chase started to date Leo. How that hurt Tj, to have a friend think you’ll think less of you, is a dynamic I wish was explored more. Tj’s crush on Chase combined with general uneasiness with intimacy and expression is both cute (in the UwU Christian-Boy motif he fits) as well as sad. The two only barely start to break past that on Tj’s route going on the hike together, but then everyone gets possessed by something and it all goes to shit. Chase was shown to be put off by his stereotypes of what Tj ‘should’ think of him but then Mirror Man - Chase preys and even idolizes that purity/wholesomeness (to disastrous consequence). I think even though that thought is pushed to its worst extreme, it still always existed in Chase. Like drowning Syd (also tied to Tj) was something brought to the surface and not conjured from nowhere, I think its fair to extrapolate that the baseline for a lot of Chase’s thoughts and desires while possessed by Mirror Man, comes from somewhere in Chase already. Maybe the two could have worked out somewhere else far away… but I think the unhealthy idealization, romanticism, and infantilization both have for each other (possessed or not) in some way is a hard sticking point that the two need to push past for even friendship to work out. Also pour one out for Tj for getting character-assassinated by Chase (even if that’s the point!)

Flynn Moore:

    Chase's Tower. The two biggest sluts in Echo. If Chase didn’t get chulafied by Leo’s schmeat, I could definitely envision a world where Flynn helps realize his true thirsty self. The two meet after a blowup and just a day later end up fooling around with Carl (who's getting cucked by TWO friends!) just being around the corner. They’re the two who bang the earliest and mess around the most often. I really like that. I like their sexual energy meshing and coming to the forfront. It’s normal for queer guys (especially in shitty towns) to be thots and the two bringing it out in each other is good writing. (...even if word of god says it was supposed to be horrifying/the worst thing he could think of……) Flynn showing Chase The Smoke Room was the gila’s way of opening up, of putting his cards on the table, and letting Chase know whats up. If he’s serious, if he wants to continue, this is who Flynn is, this is what he does… and how Chase needs to be ok with it if they’re going to go further. Chase ends up ultimately being not ok with it and I think there’s to many endless reasons as to why to be honest. (I think it's fair to read it as Samuel pulling Chase back to stop their link from being broken more by Flynn for example). The two are interesting together and could have been the biggest and the sluttiest hoes this side of the Rocky’s if they met under less horrible murder circumstances.

    As an aside to the Samuel thing… I think Chase ends up killing Flynn so often because the entity is trying to rid the town of people immune/resistant to itself. The past/lore tied up between the two is interesting but a lot of that is probably back-fill from TSR VN. I don’t know how much can be read into it as we don’t know how much McSkinny knew/incorporated even if he knew whilst writing the route. More to dwell on.

Micha:

    Chase’s navigator mirror. What VERY EASILY could have happened to Chase. If his parents hadn’t been accepting or if the entity didn’t dump his body in front of the murder van. The two share the same wit and venom, have similar vices, and share the same spot in the friend group. (The guy who was in Pueblo and now just showing back up). Along with Jeremy, Micha really rises up to *should be on multiple routes NOT just Jenna’s* territory to be honest. His importance and how integral he is to so many character arcs matches Chase’s. The two could have been good friends in my opinion. If Leo acted as a support network instead of ditching his boy-toy… if the bullying hadn’t been so bad.. If they just met somewhere else. I think a lot of Micha/Leo shipping is Chase replacement (which I do sometimes as well) and the twos similarities is just something I enjoy a lot. Micha being the one to severe Chase and Leo is a bit ON the nose but still something appreciated from a metaphor perspective. And I think stemming from that, the two could hit it off and be good friends together back in Pueblo once the dust has settled. I think Micha and his relationship to Chase could be the relationship affected the most if Echo ever got a rewrite with Patreon characters/storylines/Arches/TSR all in mind/more integrated naturally. Also they're both the fruty-ess characters so that's fucking great.

Leo Alvarez:

    Chases' Emperor (haha adastra pun). Now what can I say that I haven’t said before. The two feed off each other, both negatively and positively. They bring out the best and worst in each other. Their problems are so relatable, their attempted resolutions are relatable, and their mistakes are relatable. Their relationship (friendship AND romantic) falling apart is basically the definition of ‘Vanishing Paradise’/fairytale scenario being destroyed. Dating THE football champ whose been your close friend almost your whole life? (and you both like dudes!) is such a high point to come down from. I think that’s why so many people (especially me included) want to fix it. Not because head empty himbo wolf should fuck MC (who is ‘me’) but because the two deserve to be happy. Either with or in spite of each other. So many people see what they have and the pain and horror they go through, to have it all destroyed, is a lot to bear. We know what the result is of the two at their worst… even just giving in to each other at the start, without ACTUALLY talking about anything leads to sadness and heartbreak (insert Leo crying himself to sleep for two years straight). There’s hope for the two… somewhere.

In Carl’s route when they talk for probably the only time, there’s a light somewhere. A resolution. It’s what they both need and deserve. I want them to be happy. And most of the time it's selfish but workable to make it not ‘toxic’. But I think there’s just so much more to them then himbo wolf and self insert MC people ship with themselves, and more then just ‘haha train makes legs go brrr!’ jokes. There’s more nuance to a lot of this game. I gray area, a chance for light AND darkness. Leo and Chase compliment each other in so many different ways, and both their evil and good deeds are a part of that.

    Also sometimes I want them to both just go fucking hog wild and be fucked up together. I’m talking about Riverdale/Mean Girls levels of shit. The Football Captain and his prissy Cheerleader boyfriend. Let their fag-flag fly and be their toxic selves together. Leo holding Chase as the otter squeaks out the most insane and bitchy things ever. They deserve it (at least on ~one~ timeline at the minimum). Let them just go off. Also just regular darkness between them is fun to read too. Really drive that knife home, that Leo and Chase being broken from the events of Leo’s route really WAS the best outcome in that sense… (again because they didn’t talk not because they’re incompatible)

Sydney Bronson:

    Otters go Brr!!!!

[chickensarentcheap]

Tyler and Esme Series Qs

If a close employee betrayed his trust (like give away anything about his family), what would Tyler do?

Does Esme only have Clover as an employee at the bookstore

Who's the best surfer of the kids and which ones want no part of it?

Has Tyler ever gotten injured at home and refused to go to the hospital, willing to just fix it himself?

What does Esme love to buy most?

I know their sex was always hot, but how long did it take to get in sync with mind and body?

If Esme is watching something Tyler hates does he shut up and sit there or make teasing remarks?

If each was allowed to do only one thing all day, what would they do?

If Esme makes his favorite cake, how much can Tyler eat by himself

Does Tyler have a special way of waking up Esme on her bday?

1) he would kill them. No hesitation. Everyone knows his family is off limits and that crossing that line will not end well for you. At all. If anything is unforgivable and punishable in the worst way, it is that.

2) there is also graham. He is a young guy on his early twenties, fresh out of university and working there part time

3) Millie is the superior surfer and competes against older kids and a couple of times, young adults. TJ is a close second but he tends to do it more for fun and relaxation and time with his dad. Addie and Takota have tried it and don’t like it. The waves scare them. They’ll go on his back and that’s about it. They’d rather do their own thing lol

4) oh yeah. He has injured himself dirt biking, skate boarding, sliced things open when building stuff. He dislocated a shoulder and convinced esme to put it back in place. He will stitch himself up before going to the hospital lol

5) she loves to buy books and craft supplies the most

6) that came about very gradually as they had other issues holding that side of things back. But once they got back together after that six months and really put work into their marriage, it happened very quickly. And once that mind piece came about, the sex got even better. If that is even possible with these two

7) he’ll sit with her and put an arm around and just do something else like read a book or scroll through his phone. He might tease her every so often about her crap taste lol

8) Tyler would pick surfing or fishing. Esme would pick baking or sleeping lol

9) that man could eat the whole damn thing easily. And has lol

10) he will get up well before the kids and start things off with an Aussie kiss ;). Now once the kids are up (she usually dozed after the naked stuff) then it helping the kids finish decorating downstairs and setting out her presents and then helping them make her breakfast in bed :)

@secretaryunpaid @youflickedtooharddamnit @munstysmind

[mindingmyownbusiness]

Welcome! If you came here looking for adorable fluff then you’re in the right place, it’s sorta my thing. Mostly oneshots, I don’t do angst unless I fix it, and I don’t do NSFW but I will imply quite a bit in most of what I write. Requests are closed but asks are always welcome. <3

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Rescue - Bucky x Reader Soulmate AU (Series in Progress) You’ve always believed your soulmate was out there somewhere, Bucky not so much. What happens when he finally takes a leap of faith and reaches out to you?

20 Seconds - Bucky x Reader Modern AU You walk out of a dressing room asking if the outfit suits you, but it’s not your friend waiting outside the room like you thought!

Woman - Neighbor!Bucky x Plus Size Reader Modern AU Cleaning your apartment is never fun and you’re almost done when a freak accident brings you face to face with your neighbor and your crush, Bucky Barnes. Will you get a happy ending or will your embarrassment end things before they begin?

Come Back to Me - Bucky x Reader What if Bucky was interrupted in the middle of the Winter Soldier’s trigger words? What would happen and would you be able to get the Bucky you know and love back?

American Booty - Bucky x Reader Who knew Bucky had a jealous streak?

Duet - Bucky x Reader You’ve just figured out that the mysterious voice you hear singing through the vents is none other than the Winter Soldier himself. Now the only question is, what do you do with this newfound information?

Spy vs Spy - Bucky x Reader Modern AU Part 1 (by @true-queen-of-mischief) Part 2 (by yours truly) James Buchanan Barnes is your target. Unfortunately, you also happen to be his. Will you be able to complete your mission or will things be more complicated than either of you expected?

Somewhere Other Than the Night - Rancher!Bucky x Reader Modern AU When an unexpected storm ruins Bucky’s plans for another day of hard work on the ranch you welcome the opportunity to rekindle your relationship in a way you both desperately need.

Reckless - Bucky x Reader Just some fun with tropes: features confessing your love for your best friend during a fight, friends to lovers, and accidentally falling asleep then waking up together.

That One’s My Favorite - Bucky x Reader Introducing Bucky to the glory of Girl Scout cookies turns out to be better than you ever imagined.

Slow Burn - Bucky x Reader Could something as simple as a s’more bring you and Bucky closer together?

Rained Out - Bucky x Reader The camping trip you and Bucky had been planning is completely ruined… or is it?

Stay - Bucky x Reader When you are certain no one notices what you’re going through your favorite supersoldier steps in to save the day.

The Five Times You Caught Bucky Blushing - Bucky x Reader (Series COMPLETE) Bucky was never the type to let his emotions show but when it comes to you he just can’t help himself.

Falling for You - Bucky x Reader Modern AU An unexpected injury gives you the perfect excuse to call on your hot neighbor to save the day.

Inked - Tattoo!Bucky x Reader Modern AU You’re dying to get your first tattoo but your anxiety has other plans. Could your new neighbor be the answer to all your problems?

Body Like a Backroad - Cowboy!Bucky x Plus Size Reader Modern AU Your lonely night takes an unexpected turn when a handsome stranger asks you to dance. (potential series fic…)

TJ Hammond x Reader

Just What You Needed - TJ Hammond x Fem!Reader You’ve had the worst day ever and TJ does his best to lift your spirits.

Sebastian Stan x Reader

Dumb Luck - RPF AU (featuring bonus Chris Evans x Reader) Having a panic attack during your flight wasn’t part of the plan. Lucky for you your seatmates are there to save the day.

Right Place, Right Time - RPF AU A mishap at a fan convention lands you in the arms of the Winter Soldier himself

Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Out With the Old, In With the New - RPF AU Tom loves Tumblr just as much as the rest of us, especially the anonymous bit. What happens when he finds someone online that he wouldn’t mind letting his walls down for?

Jeremy Jordan x Aaron Tveit x Reader

Karaoke Night - RPF AU Jeremy and Aaron have walked into your bar of all places and you can’t resist having some fun tricking them into a bit of karaoke. Will your plan backfire or will this end up being a night none of you will ever forget?

[watermelonlipstick]

Three, Two, One

Working through my list of requests, I was really grateful to be able to fulfill this one from anon, who asked: 

I have ptsd, and really loud, sudden noises and sudden touches can make me have a panic attack, so can you do something where there’s a really loud noise or someone touches the reader and sends her into a panic attack and Dean helps her?

It felt a little too obvious to go with a gunshot here. I’m also imagining this set in early seasons both for aesthetic and for Bobby’s house. Hopefully it’s something like what you were hoping for!

Title: Three, Two, One

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader (can be read as platonic or romantic)

Word Count: 1069

Summary: Dean grounds the reader after a panic attack brought on by a loud noise. 

Warnings: oblique description of panic attack, description of loud noise

           The way he was right in front of you at virtually the same second the car backfired almost made it worse at first, to be honest, filling your field of vision as he’d flown out of the front seat of the car where it sat in Bobby’s salvage yard.

           “Shit, I’m so sorry, I thought I’d fixed it—here, sit down,” he said, guiding you over to a folding chair on the edge of the garage. You let him ease you to the metal, feeling the heat and pounding starting to build in your head already. Dean crouched in front of you. “Water? Let me get you some water.”

           He was back in a flash with a plastic bottle, sweating so much in the humidity that the paper label on it hung loose and ugly. You took it from him with a shaky hand once he’d cracked the cap off, and took a quick sip more to feel the coldness in your mouth than out of any real thirst. Dean reached out to pat your thigh and pulled back at the last second like he’d been burned, remembering that sometimes touching you made it worse. “Can I—um?”

           You nodded, grateful for his asking and worried if you spoke you wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears. His palm over your knee was just this side of too hot, beach sand baked in the summer sun, and you tried hard to bring yourself back to reality, focus on that point of heat seeping through your jeans.

           “1 to 10?” he asked, gentle but firm as he fell into his script.

           “7,” you answered honestly.

           Dean nodded, just once, almost to himself, flicker of a quirk at one side of his mouth gone so fast you might’ve missed it. If you weren’t clawing to keep yourself above water you might’ve been able to appreciate his pride in heading off the worst of it by his rapid action.

           “I’m right here, you can close your eyes. Not going anywhere,” he continued in that poundcake voice; soft, sturdy, and sweet. Through trial and error you’d found that skipping to the three—three things you could hear—of a 5-4-3-2-1 grounding strategy was better for you; less risk of a surprise touch to add to the panic at its worst and increased contrast from whatever loud noise that had triggered it slowing the reins of your mind faster, letting you grab ahold and take control again. If you closed your eyes you could focus even harder on those small sounds, but so often it was impossible to beat back the anxiety enough to let you do it—this was one of the things Dean had been working on with you, ability to give the burden of watching out to him when you were buried in the tunneling foxhole of your mind. You tried your best to take a deep breath and let your eyelids slide shut.

           Three things you could hear.

           “Deep Purple.” Either the battery on the car was still good or he had that old boombox somewhere in the garage.

           “Underrated as always. That’s good; another?” he encouraged.

           “Windchime on the back porch.” Just a light twinkling; just barely below breeze to make the weather perfect.

           “Damn, you can hear that? I need to stop cranking the stereo so loud. Just one more.” Even knowing he was intentionally putting in the casual commentary, it helped to latch onto the light, easy conversation.

           “Cicadas.”

           “Annoying as hell, right? Okay, now two.”

           Two things you could smell.

           “Motor oil, you.”

           You could hear the smile in his voice even with your eyes closed. “And what do I smell like?”

           “Sweat, Old Spice, Coors Light.” And that little underlying note you could never place; the closest you’d ever gotten being a kind of sweet leather—leaving a cupcake in a hot car, maybe—but you were already at five things, technically. Feeling a touch of the panic start to lift, you were able to give him a weak facsimile of your normal cheeky smile, keeping your eyes closed as he chuckled gently.

           “Yeah, you love it,” he teased. “One?”

           One thing you could taste.

           “I don’t know, chapstick, maybe?”

           “I’ll call an audible and say you can swap for something you can feel,” he offered when you couldn’t think of anything.

           “Your hand on my knee.”

           He waited a beat for you to try to regulate your breathing before saying anything else. “1 to 10?”

           “3.” You opened your eyes to see him where you knew he’d still be, unmoved from his crouch on the weedy gravel in front of you. He still looked a touch concerned but primarily his face was open and hopeful as he searched your expression for more clues on how you were doing. “I’m good, sorry,” you sighed on the tail end of another deep breath, relishing the relative loosening of your lungs from a few minutes before.

           A smirk spread across Dean’s face, whites of his teeth impossible contrast to the light tan he’d gotten in the last couple weeks and spray of new sun-dyed freckles across his face, especially with the smudges of grease he had from working all day. “Nothing to be sorry about, kid. Should’ve double checked before I had you come check it out, that’s on me.” There was a shade of guilt there, and you wrapped your fingers around his hand where it stayed on your knee, giving him a little squeeze.

           Clearly that wasn’t enough to assuage Dean’s guilt, but what ever was? He held your gaze for a second before easing up to standing, grabbing a wrench out of his back pocket and tossing it in the general direction of a toolbox before wiping his hands sloppily on the back pockets of his jeans and rubbing the close-cut hair at the back of his neck. “Can I make you a sandwich? I’m starved.”

           It was another apology and fighting Dean about it wouldn’t help; the sandwich a continuation of the rapid response to your panic attack in that it was a manifestation of the best way Dean knew how to show affection/gratitude/apology, that wrap-you-in-a-blanket, take-you-under-my-wing care always so much easier for him than putting into words what he meant.

           You let him have it. “Yeah, a sandwich sounds good.”

           The way he smiled in response as he held out a hand to pull you up and sling an arm around your shoulders would’ve been enough to make you eat 20 sandwiches.

           One thing you could taste.  

-

Thanks again for reading! If you liked it, check out my Masterlist or send me a request!

Tags: @sams-sass @vxnderlindes @deanwinchesterswitch @akshi8278 @itsjensenanddean @flannellover67 @weepingwillowphoenix @tj-drinks-tea @whatareyousearchingfordean @winchest09 @winchestergirl2 @samwisethegr8 @nurse-sarahrn @lovers-in-japan-reign-of-love @deanwanddamons @stressedoutkitten @winchestershiresauce @tatted-trina6 @percico-heronstairs @downanddirtydean @queenoftheunderdark @lyarr24 @wonder-cole @that-one-gay-girl @fairlyspnfanfic @treat-winchesterswith-kindness @mimaria420​ @jensengirl83​ @zooaliaa​ @superfanficnatural​ @deangirl93​ @katelynw93​

And as always, if you want to be on my taglist, were on the taglist and changed your handle, or I lost track of it, please let me know!

[enchantress-emily]

Good Omens Fic Recs

I thought it would be fun to do a rec post for some of my favorite Good Omens fics!

But It Wouldn't Be Make-Believe by @ineffablefool

Crowley wants just one visit home to see his mum without her trying to fix him up with some nice young lady. He also wants very, very much to kiss Aziraphale, a lot. If only there was some way for him to accomplish both of these goals at once without having to actually ask Aziraphale out, which he is one thousand percent too chicken to do.

It's hard to choose just one of Jack's fics to recommend! Everything he writes is soft, romantic, asexual, and extremely fat-positive. This one is a multichapter Human AU in which Crowley and Aziraphale are completely smitten with each other, but convinced that the other just thinks of them as a friend.

Demon & Angel Professors series by Ghostinthehouse (@ineffableghost)

They're professors. They're married. Their students don't realise. Cue shenanigans.

An ongoing series of linked short fics (each exactly 666 words!) in which every new batch of university students has to figure out all over again that the terrifying Dr. Crowley (Botany) and the husband that Dr. Fell (Literature) gushes about are in fact the same person. There's also a recurring theme of the two of them helping and supporting queer and disabled students.

The Serpent's House by @hope-inthedark

Aziraphale Fell has been working at Heaven's Gate, Inc for the better part of twenty years as an assessor of orphanages for children with magical abilities. His life had been perfectly normal and beautifully boring until the day he was summoned to the Office of the Archangels and given an assignment that will turn his life on its head.

I've thought for some time that somebody needed to do a crossover/fusion between Good Omens and The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune, and Hope is pulling it off spectacularly! (You don't necessarily need to have read Cerulean Sea to enjoy The Serpent's House, but it's even more fun if you have.) This fic is still in progress as of 7/12/21.

The Rose and the Serpent by Atalan (@brightwanderer)

Quite honestly, sending Aziraphale off into the forest to be held hostage by a giant snake in a cursed castle isn’t even the worst thing Gabriel’s ever done to him, and at least it means a change of scene. But then neither the snake nor the castle turn out to be quite what he’s expecting…

An absorbing, beautifully written Beauty & the Beast AU with snake!Crowley. If you aren't into sex scenes (like me), don't be put off by the M rating; the sex is a fairly minor part of the story and not at all explicit.

The Birds and the Snakes by @lyricwritesprose

Warlock Dowling discovers something that could ruin his life. Naturally, he calls on his godparents. The help that they give him isn't the help that he's expecting.

Teenage Warlock realizes he's gay and thinks that means he'll never have a chance at happiness, until Crowley and Aziraphale demonstrate otherwise. Heartwarming, with some very sweet Warlock-and-Nanny moments.

So You Need To Get Into A.Z. Fell & Co.; Now What? (A Guide For Unfortunate Bookworms) by arkhamcycle

London’s antique enthusiasts and rare lit nerds alike know that if you’re looking for a specific vintage or antique book, you have a good chance of ending up in A.Z. Fell & Co. as a last resort. And if you’ve ever been in (or are currently in) this predicament, you know how much of an absolute nightmare it is trying to even get in the door. Luckily, this handy guide, the fruit of a months-long collaborative effort to create the perfect formula for gaming the A.Z. Fell system, will tell you everything you need to know, complete with a comprehensive breakdown of what, exactly, the opening hours are. Compiled by pageknight and inky of the Rare Antique Forums.

A hysterical in-universe guide to buying a book from Aziraphale! Read the work it was inspired by, too, and then the other works inspired by that - they're all priceless.

Taking Some Pictures or Something by @infinitevariety

On a road trip to the South Downs Crowley gives Aziraphale his phone to take photos of the views. However, Aziraphale doesn't know how the phone works and spends all day accidentally posting to Crowley's Instagram story.

What it says on the tin. Impossibly cute and wholesome!

No One You Can Save That Can't Be Saved by AstroGirl

Correspondence from Ilyrophon, Bureau of Earthly Affairs, temporary field agent assigned to gather intelligence on the angel who shall be referred to as "The Traitor" and his confederate, the Serpent of Eden.

An interesting twist on outsider POV, with Ilyrophon gradually coming to understand and sympathize with Aziraphale and Crowley's love for the Earth and each other.

Blessed/Cursed Retirement by DictionaryWrites

Liam Buttersby, a very normal, nine-year-old boy, makes a friend in the retiree who has recently moved to his village in the South Downs.

The retiree in question claims to hate it, and is a liar.

A fun Book Omens fic where Crowley becomes unexpectedly popular with the neighborhood kids.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

A Place To Call Home: TJ’s Talk

Summary: TJ’s father, Rick, comes into town to have a talk with his son, Jensen and the reader after TJ’s revelation that he still isn’t getting along with his dad. Rick has a very different idea of parenting than Jensen though and things bewteen the Hanovers and Ackles get heated fast...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x foster daughter!reader

Word Count: 8,200ish

Warnings: language, angst, fluff

A/N: This part takes place after the Dark Roads timestamp. Enjoy! 

______

“Babe, relax,” you said, rubbing TJ’s shoulders in your kitchen. He let out a deep breath and you caught your dad raising an eyebrow from his seat at the counter. “You boys are just gonna talk.”

“I want you to stay,” said TJ. You glanced over to your dad and he shrugged.

“I’m fine with that. Just be prepared for things to get a little rough,” said your dad. 

“Nothing’s gonna be worse than the time I…” you trailed off, both of them looking at you. You waved them off and went over to the fridge to get a drink.

“Something from foster care?” asked TJ. You paused with the door open, nodding your head once and grabbing a beer. You popped the tab open and took a long drink, both of them still watching you. “Something I don’t know about?”

“It doesn’t matter. I can handle rough is all I was trying to say,” you said, hopping up to sit on the counter. TJ went back to pacing around the island, your dad cocking his head at you. “This is about, TJ, not me.”

“Okay, little miss defensive,” he said.

“Dad. It’s nothing you don’t already know.”

“We’re talking about this later,” he said. You rolled your eyes as the three of you heard a car door out front. A few moments later, the doorbell rang and TJ left to answer it.

“Hey, Rick. How was the drive?” asked your dad, getting up when TJ’s dad walked in the kitchen with him.

“Not bad. Still not quite sure what this guy weekend or whatever is all about. How’re you doing from the accident?” he asked.

“Oh it was three months ago. Y/N and I are all good,” said your dad. You forced a smile and Rick returned it, TJ rolling his eyes behind his father’s back. “The accident is kind of what got this weekend together actually.”

“Why’s Y/N here if it’s supposed to be guys?” asked Rick.

“TJ asked me to be here,” you said, jumping off the counter. “Would you like a drink?”

“I’ll take an old fashioned,” he said.

“How about a beer?” you said, taking one out of the fridge. You walked it over and he scowled. “Rick. Take the beer.”

“I asked for an old fashioned.”

“See that thing over there? That’s a kitchen. You want one, make it yourself,” you said. You plopped the beer down on the counter and took a seat on the couch, Rick looking at TJ. 

“What exactly is her problem? It your time of the month?”

“Rick,” said your dad. “Let’s just have everybody take a seat and start over, hm?”

“She offered a drink, not me,” he said as he sat on the other side of the wrap around couch. TJ looked ready to pop already and you gave him a look, watching him calm down after a minute. He took the beer for himself and found some whiskey for his dad, carrying it over before he took a seat next to you. “Was that so hard?”

“Rick, maybe let’s cool it. The kids aren’t too happy with you and frankly, neither am I,” said your dad as he sat down nearby. Rick blinked slowly and held up a hand. 

“What the Hell did I do? Are they still upset over the spanking thing? That was months ago.”

“You ever lay a hand on our children, I’ll kick your ass,” you said with a smile. “But no, that’s not what this is about.”

“TJ, you hang around with the little rich bitch and her pretty douchebag fake dad that you know there was something going on there and this is what you turn into. I told you this girl would be the worst thing in the world for you,” said his dad. 

“I don’t even know where to begin with that sentence,” said your dad, getting to his feet. Rick popped up and you quickly jumped between the two of them. 

“Dad. Sit down,” you said. He glared at Rick and you shoved him back to the couch. “You had a high grade concussion. You got cleared to drive a week ago. Sit your ass down.”

“She wear the pants for all you boys? Or just the ones you play around with,” said Rick. You balked and turned your attention on him, already feeling both your dad and TJ up behind you.

“I’d be very careful about what you say next, Rick, because I feel like punches are about to be thrown and I’d really like to avoid that. I think we all would. Now I know we’ve never really gotten along but you made your son and I love him. He is my best friend and he fixes broken things in me. So I’m going to give you a chance to sit down and talk. All of us are. These two men behind me are my safe place. I was a mess before either of them, Rick. Don’t confuse love with-”

“He’s not a toy for you to play with when you get bored,” said Rick. “He-”

“Sit down!” shouted TJ. You jumped back into your dad, both of you taking a seat. Rick slowly sat, watching his son. “You’re unbelievable. The way you talk to my wife. To my father-in-law, the guy I think of as my actual dad. You’re disgusting. I’m done. Get out of my life.”

“TJ,” you said as he stood and headed straight for the front door. You heard the car going outside and he drove off, leaving you standing there sighing. 

“What did I do?” asked Rick.

“You called his wife a bitch for starters,” said your dad, throwing a pillow at him. “You treat her like a maid to beckon on you. I’ve seen it a million times. Oh, let’s not forget about the implying I sleep with my daughter because that’s not fifty kinds of fucked up. Then you make him feel like piece of shit that-”

“This is your fault,” said Rick as he stood up and stood in front of where your dad sat. “You weird hollywood guys are all emotional or whatever and I get that that’s your thing but he is a man and he needs to learn to not be so sensitive. Ever since he met-”

“You are a fucking asshole,” you laughed. “Like, it’s amazing how big an asshole you are.”

“I never liked him mixing up with you,” he said as you walked back over and tried to keep your dad seated. “He was supposed to be a police officer. He was supposed-”

“He likes architecture,” you grit out, clenching your fists. “You’re supposed to not be a dick but we don’t all get what we want, hm?”

“Watch yourself,” he said, grabbing your arm. “You spoiled rotten brat. You-”

“Let go of her or I’m going to join her in the ass kicking,” said your dad, grabbing Rick’s arm. He unclamped his arm and you saw him think about throwing a punch before you stepped between them again.

“All your son wants is for you to love him. He doesn’t want to be afraid of you anymore and hurting us isn’t going to get you anywhere,” you said. He stared at you blankly and sat down, your dad easing down when you took a seat beside him.

“What do you mean my son is afraid of me?”

“She means...TJ’s never felt like he could talk to you about anything of importance, anything he knows you would disapprove of, like his architecture. A month ago, it hit TJ that we both almost died and it upset him. What upset us was that he was afraid that if we really had died, you would be angry with him for crying over the loss,” said your dad. His dad sat back in his seat, suddenly leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.

“Your wife dying, that’s…” he said, glancing at you. You turned your chin up and he sighed to himself as he rubbed the back of his neck. “That’s different. I get crying for that.”

“What about me?” asked your dad. “I love him. He loves me. If I died, is he allowed to cry for that?”

“I should have said crying at a death is different,” said Rick.

“When’s the last time you cried, Rick,” you said. He stared at you and you shrugged. “When?”

“How about you first.”

“Easy. Three months ago. I watched my father slowly die in front of me while suffering from an array of injuries and second stage hypothermia. Oh yes, I forgot about the part where I had to shove my hand in his open wound to keep him alive all while putting him in excruciating pain. That was different than the time I was ten and I watched strapped in the backseat as my mom died from a punctured lung and my dad bled out from a piece of metal impaling his skull. Oh, then the car caught on fire and I had to crawl out past them with a severe head injury. That’s just the tip of my shit storm of a life. You want to talk about what’s tough and what’s manly? Take a walk in my life for a while. Feelings are meant to be felt, no matter what’s between your legs. Until you’ve experienced pain, real pain, don’t you dare insinuate when and when not it’s appropriate to cry you pathetic little man.”

He was frozen solid, just staring at you. Your dad shifted beside you and sat up, resting his arms on his knees.

“She’s got a bigger set than you could ever realize. Trust me, Rick. You don’t want to piss this one off.”

“You’re talking about physical pain,” he said when he finally could speak again. You rolled your eyes and slumped down into the couch, your dad chuckling. “What?”

“No, she’s not. Physical pain hurts but it goes away. Shit like watching someone you love die like that? That leaves marks. Her entire foster upbringing? It leaves marks. You can’t seem them but they’re there. Your son makes her forget they exist. He makes that ache less inside of her. He makes it less for me. I don’t worry as much as I would if he weren’t with her. I have a close relationship with my daughter, Rick. I’m fortunate to have one so close. But we fought for it. She didn’t want me and now, now she’ll stand up to an asshole because you called her dad names. TJ just wants to see a glimmer of what we have with you. He wants to know you love him that much.”

“Of course I love him.”

“When’s the last time you gave him a hug?” you asked. He shrugged and you threw up your hands.

“I’ll give him more hugs then,” he said, your dad shaking his head.

“If it’s not genuine, he’ll know. I’m not saying you have to get to the point Y/N and I am at. But you need to show your son that if he needs to feel things, he can do that in front of you. I know it’s not how you were raised. It’s not really how I was raised either. But somehow, our generation figured out that it’s okay for boys to cry and that guys should be gentlemen and best friends and lovers and protectors. You did something right with that boy. Do something right for yourself or I promise, I promise, he will never forgive you for how you treated us here today,” said your dad as he got up. “I need another beer.”

“Same,” you groaned.

“You really raise your son to talk about his feelings?” asked Rick.

“Seems to be working out so far,” said your dad. “Case and point, he’s starting to discover things about his body. We had a very open conversation about it. I talk to my daughters about puberty. I talk to this one about lots of shit. If your kids feel like they can talk to you, they’ll talk to you.”

“I do talk to my son,” he said. You dad sighed as he got out another beer for himself and you. He handed yours over the back of the couch before he leaned over the back of it.

“When’s the last time your son asked a question about marriage, kids, love, intimacy-”

“Guys don’t talk about that shit without their girl around and you know it.”

“What a sad little life you live, Rick,” said your dad, taking a sip. “I love gushing to my buddies about my wife and bragging about my kids. Last week between football and cars, we talked about how much we love our partners. You ever done that? You ever even sat down with your wife and tell her how you feel about her and not do it because you want sex?”

“I love my wife and my son. Don’t tell me I don’t.”

“I didn’t say you don’t. I’m saying, don’t assume they can read your mind. Your son wants to know that he can talk to you and you’ll respect him, no matter the conversation. That’s all,” said your dad.

“I do. Obviously I should be talking to him and not the two of you,” he said. He stood up and you sighed, Rick shooting you a look. “Just because you’ve had crap, doesn’t give you an excuse to be a stuck up bitch.”

“Rick, I think it’s a good idea if you headed back to your hotel. Maybe TJ will want to talk to you, maybe not but right now, we‘re done,” you said. He slammed the door on the way out, your dad fuming on the couch still. “Cool it.”

“Don’t talk to me like a child,” he said. He started to head for the front door but you jumped in front of him, the sound of a car taking off in the background. “He deserves to get his ass kicked.”

“Do you think I’ve never been called a bitch before? Never been accused of...you know,” you said, your dad shaking his head. “The second you adopted me the internet-”

“I told you not to read internet comments,” he said.

“This isn’t about us. It’s about TJ. We barely ever have to see Rick. TJ can decide on his own what he wants his relationship with his father to be,” you said. You wandered back into the family room to grab your beer before you went into the kitchen. He followed you and you took a deep breath. “What?”

“I told you not to read internet comments.”

“You told me to get in the damn car and I didn’t listen then. Guess what. I was right,” you said, scowling at him. “You don’t know everything.”

“You almost died,” he said, his jaw clenched. “You had stage two hypothermia while you were in shock and-”

“Big fucking deal. I wasn’t gushing blood out of my stomach.”

“You were as injured as I was. You-”

“Funny. I seem to have been given the all clear by doctors months ago.”

“Don’t start this shit again,” he said. 

“Don’t start your shit again,” you said. “I made a choice. Fucking live with it.”

“I can’t!” he shouted. You stared at him and he shut his eyes. He plopped down onto the floor and you sat beside him, taking hold of his hand. “I’m sorry. I don’t...I don’t mean like that.”

“I know, dad,” you said, rubbing his hand. 

“I can’t protect you from an accident. I can’t protect you from your asshole father-in-law,” he said. He crossed his legs and you bumped your shoulder into his before resting your head on it.

“You could totally kick his ass,” you said. He chuckled and nodded, resting his head on top of yours. “You gonna be this grumpy when you’re like, old and need real help?”

“Probably,” he laughed. “I know, kiddo. I know. I don’t like feeling weak is all.”

“This guy, like this really old guy, told me something once,” you said, already halfway to getting an noogie. “Needing help isn’t weakness. It just means you need help.”

“Rick just really pushed my buttons,” he said. “He is so not like TJ.”

“His dad worked a lot. I’m pretty sure his mom raised him for the most part,” you said.

“You think he’s jealous of me?”

“Yes,” you said. “But he doesn’t get to be rude to you just because you get along with his son better.”

“You reminded me of when they almost took you away that day, the way you stood up to the social worker. You protected yourself. You protected us. I forget you’ve always been this way,” he said.

“I lost one set of parents. I’m not losing another,” you said. He ruffled your hair and you leaned back against the cabinets, your dad doing the same. “Why doesn’t he like me? Rick.”

“I don’t know. Maybe he’s concerned because of who we are that his son would lose anonymity or be subjected to some stereotypical Hollywood bullshit. I don’t know. He’s always talked down to you. Mom and I kept our mouths shut because you asked us to but that’s not gonna cut it anymore, Y/N.”

“I don’t want any more fighting is all,” you said. 

“You’re not mad at me for setting this up?”

“Dad, you wanted to help TJ. I’ll never be mad at you for wanting to do that. It makes me really happy actually,” you said. 

“He’s alright,” he said with a smile. “You want to go try and find him?”

“I know where he is,” you said. He cocked his head and you got up, helping him to his feet. “He’s at the gym. He goes there to work out when he gets pissed or stressed. He’ll be home when he’s ready. I’ll give him a few hours before I go looking.”

“Well, you want to go have dinner with the kiddos?” he asked.

“Allie and Colin are sleeping over a friend’s tonight,” you said. 

“I know. Come on. No use in sitting in this house overthinking everything,” he said. “Mom made veggie lasagna again.”

“Gross. Burgers?” you asked.

“Burgers,” he said with a chuckle. “I’m sure the crew would love to get some one on one time with big sis.”

“Hey, Y/N,” asked JJ as you finished making up four sundaes for you and your siblings after dinner. You hummed as you got them on a tray to bring up to the TV room. She walked around the island, standing next to you. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” you said with a smile.

“You’re really not,” she said.

“I’m fine,” you said.

“You’re really not,” said another voice. You spun around, catching TJ walk in from the front door. “JJ was worried so she texted me and that made me cool right off.”

“You text him?” you asked.

“He’s kinda been like my brother since forever, doofus,” she said, rolling her eyes. 

“Give us a minute, JJ,” asked TJ. He handed her the tray of sundaes and she headed up to the TV room, TJ resting his hands on your hips and his forehead against yours. “I’m so incredibly sorry for the way my father treated you and Jensen today. I...I don’t understand him. He’s been calling and texting, saying he wants to talk but-”

“Then let’s talk,” you said.

“Y/N.”

“TJ. Your dad loves you. He just…” you trailed off as you spotted your dad slip in from the back porch.

“Let’s give Rick another shot,” he said.

“Really?” asked TJ.

“Yeah,” you said. “I have an inkling of what’s going on if you guys are willing to let me talk to Rick on my own for a bit.”

“I’m not thrilled with the idea but alright,” said your dad.

“Y/N, I don’t know. He was-“

“TJ. I know the difference between a good and bad dad. Trust me?” you asked.

“One hour,” he said.

“That’s all I need.”

“Thanks for meeting me,” you said half an hour later. Rick nodded as he stepped inside the empty finished house.

“You and your old man gonna bury me out in the back of this place?” he asked.

“Nah. We’d do that at the brewery,” you said with a smile. “I was wondering what you thought of this house.”

“It’s a great house. Are you thinking of buying it?”

“Rick. This is an example. I know it’s a great house. What makes it great to you?” you asked. 

“Kid,” he sighed.

“Entertain me for calling me a bitch and a slut,” you said.

“I didn’t call you a slut.”

“You heavily implied that I’ve slept with-“

“I know what I said. I was out of line,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s a start. Now tell me what makes this house great to you?” you asked.

“I don’t know. It’s big.”

“What else?”

“The kitchen is nice.”

“What’s nice about the kitchen?”

“The beams are nice,” he said. “The windows are a good size.”

“What else?”

“Why are we doing this?” he asked.

“Because your son designed this house from scratch. It’s assessed at 3.2 million dollars. TJ doesn’t know this yet but his manager submitted this home to Architectural Digest for consideration on a story. He also doesn’t know that he not only got a story, he got the cover. He’s the youngest at his firm to ever do that. He has incredible talent.”

“He built this?” he asked.

“He designed each room and the home and then worked with an engineer to have the home built. It wasn’t for a client. It was his first original house he did. It sold for 4 million. His idea did that. It is hard to sell a house for that much when it’s not for a buyer already. Rick, your son is extremely talented and that’s just his job. It’s a fraction of who he is.”

“I get that his job is harder than I give him credit for,” he said. “I worked my ass off, twelve hour days, for years. He makes more money in a year than I do in four. That’s just him. That’s not counting what you make which I’m sure is right up there. It’s like you kids got handed everything and-”

“Rick. TJ worked his ass off in school and college and at his job to get to where he is. He wasn’t handed that. You sacrificed things I’m sure for him but that’s our jobs as parents. I’ve been working at the brewery since I was a teenager. You want to know my first job? I cleaned up the tables, the outdoor area, the bathrooms. I did the garbage and helped keep the brewing room clean. My parents have money but they didn’t just hand me a business. I moved up through it and that is why I have the job I do now. I don’t even own it. They do and you know how my dad got money to build it? Twelve hour days, working his ass off for years.”

“He acts.”

“Yeah. He also made jack shit his first two years of his show. He earned more the more responsibility got put on him. Him doing his job employed so many people and he had that pressure on him constantly. He barely got to breathe just like I’m sure you did. He’s not what you think he is and neither am I. We didn’t ask to talk for a fight. All of us love Thomas and we want to know that if something horrible happened, he could fall apart and you will be there with no judgement. It’s all we wanted.”

Rick took a deep breath and wandered around the house for a moment before he went over to the patio door. You walked out with him, watching him lean against the railing for a moment before sitting down on the step out there. You took one beside him, Rick rubbing his hand over his mouth.

“Why is it so hard to talk about this? It’s just me here,” you said. 

“Because you don’t…” he said, closing his eyes. “Guys don’t talk about feelings and crap.”

“Yes they do. The ones that don’t are scared of being open which is understandable. But I’m not telling anyone. I have a lot of secrets. I can keep more.”

“Your parents died. I get it,” he said.

“TJ doesn’t talk about his grandparents much. Your parents,” you said.

“They died when he was a baby. Lung cancer and a heart attack,” he said. 

“Your dad ever hit you with a belt?” you asked. “Spanking?”

“Yeah, cause that’s how it was done back then.”

“He ever beat you with it?”

“Excuse me?”

“There’s a difference between a hit and a beat. Something about you feels like you really didn’t care for your parents.”

“Yeah, they were assholes. I was actually happy when my dad died so there,” he said.

“One of my foster parents had a kind of stressful job. They were fosters for the benefits. You know, they got money for us that was supposed to go to stuff for us but it was always for them. He used to come home in a bad mood a lot. He took turns beating on our backs. I was about twelve. One night he went too far. I was black and blue and it started bleeding. Blood got on the sheets so he got even more upset. He took me down to the basement and wailed on my back until I passed out. I missed a week of school while I recovered. I still have a thin little line on my back from it. Looks like a birthmark. TJ knows about that night. It’s why he got so angry with you over you and Allie.”

“I hit him a few times with one,” he said. “Thomas. I shouldn’t...it was different when I was a kid.”

“Yeah, it was. But you’re not happy your dad died unless he used to do some fucked up shit to you.”

He turned his head and you shrugged.

“I had plenty of bad foster dads, Rick. I can understand and I get that you don’t talk about stuff because it’s easier. You don’t have to talk at all. Just listen to your son.”

“What’s the worst thing that one of them ever did?” he asked.

“Don’t try to compare my shitty childhood to yours. It’s not a competition.”

“What’s the best thing one ever did then?”

“I ran away the night I turned 17 because I thought I was fucking up their perfect family. He found me, brought me home and warmed me up. I kept pushing them away so he took me outside and we talked. Told me adults have feelings and that if I left again, he would come after me again and bring me home to my family. I hated Jensen when I first met him, Rick. Hated everything about him. That night I realized, on our own, it wasn’t bullshit. He cared and there was nothing I could ever do to make him not. Don’t judge us for having a close relationship. It wasn’t always that way and I needed it to get to where I am today.”

“What do you want me to do?” he asked quietly. You furrowed your brow and he stared blankly at you. “What do you want me to do, Y/N? I doubt my son even wants to speak to me again.”

“Tell him about yourself.”

“He knows me.”

“Does he know that your parents weren’t all that great?”

“No. I could never tell him that,” he said. “I’m his father.”

“It’s not pity. It’s understanding. It explains some of your behavior earlier today.”

“I can’t.”

“Are you afraid he’ll judge you? Think you’re weak?” 

“Yes. Yes,” he said, shooting you a hard look. “All I have is being the tough guy.”

“No. It’s all you’ve let yourself be. TJ helps my father, who is the grumpiest man in the world when he’s hurt, he’s helped him get around ever since the accident. He’s driven him to doctors appointments. They went to therapy together. I know you’re jealous of them and my dad never intended to make you feel that way. It’s always...it means a lot to me to see him love the man I love. If you want to be pissed at anyone for it, be pissed at me.”

“Jensen was right. You are tougher than you look,” he said. He rested his hands in his lap, staring down to the patio area. “I really don’t want to tell my son.”

“You hurt him today. It is not an easy fix. You need to be vulnerable and hope he does not hurt you back. That’s what a family is. You do it enough, you realize you never had to be afraid of them hurting you in the first place.”

“Why aren’t you livid with me?”

“I understand wanting to keep it all inside. I was that way until the actor guy forced it out of me and I’m really glad he did. I won’t be angry at someone who is willing to try. I know it’s not easy, I’ve been there. But you gotta try.”

“Jensen want to kick my ass still?”

“He’ll let it go for TJ. I think we both want an apology though.”

“Understood. Before you send TJ over here, can I ask you a question?”

“What?”

“Do you think I have a chance with him?”

“Your son is one of the kindest human beings I’ve ever known. He is good down to his soul. If you mean it, you have a chance,” you said.

“Hey kid,” he said as you stood up. “I never disliked you because you were bad for him. I didn’t like you because it was obvious how much more he liked your family.”

“You can be part of the family too, Rick. No one ever said you couldn’t be.”

He nodded and you turned to head back inside.

“There’s a cooler with drinks in the kitchen. I’ll send TJ so you two can talk.”

“How do you know he’ll come?”

“Because I’m gonna ask him to. Oh and give him a hug. He likes hugs.”

“Thanks, kid.”

“How you think it’s going?” asked your dad late that night as you lay in bed with him and your mom.

“Good. I hope,” you said. “Why is your bed comfier than mine?”

“Cause it’s your parents bed. Parents beds always feel better,” said your mom.

“Valid point,” you said, trying to go back to watching your movie.

“Jensen, you have something you want to tell Y/N, didn’t you?” she said. 

“Nope,” he said.

“Dad. Come on. Gimmie that tea,” you said making grabby hands. Your mom laughed and you giggled but he barely cracked. “Is it serious?”

“Tell her Jay or I will. You said you would,” she said. 

“Dad?” you asked. He sat up and smiled.

“Mom and I talked a bit after the accident and we decided that we’d like to put you as our power of attorney along with each other. In an emergency, you can make a decision for us if you can’t reach mom or you can’t reach me. The way it is now, only if we’re both incapable would you be it but...you made the right call before. We know you would never do anything but make the choice you think should be made so we want to do that now that you’re a little older,” he said.

“Okay,” you said. You sat up and used part of his weighted blanket on yourself. “I told Rick a little about what happened in foster care. One of the bad things.”

“You feeling okay?” asked your mom. 

“Yeah. Earlier you said you wanted to talk, dad, about the rough thing.��

“You made it sound like something that wasn’t in your file.”

“Cause it’s not. I know the roughest thing I’ve ever done,” you said. “You do too. You were there.”

He nodded and smiled to himself before you curled up against your mom. You felt him behind you and she moved to hold onto the both of you as best as possible. 

“Dad says he yelled at you pretty bad on that road,” she said. You hummed and she bumped the top of your head. “Did that scare you?”

“I didn’t like him yelling at me but no, I haven’t been scared of dad in an incredibly long time,” you said. “Your husband can be kind of an idiot is all.”

“I heard that,” he mumbled, a small rumble in his chest though where he tried to hide his laugh.

“The both of you can be idiots but you’re mine,” she said, kissing your forehead. “Dad was a bit worried you got upset with him earlier.”

“Dad,” you said, turning your head back.

“Thanks for that, De,” he said, closing his eyes. “You’re having a long day. I didn’t want to bother you with it.”

“We’re good,” you said. “I just hope it goes okay with TJ.”

“Us too,” said your mom. 

“Well how come I didn’t know we were having a sleepover?” said TJ from the doorway. You sat up and got out of bed, TJ smiling. “We’ll be back.”

“How’d it go?” you asked, taking a seat on the couch with him. He took your hand and tilted his head at you.

“We’re gonna talk more, do a weekly phone call. He’s gonna cut back at work and spend more time with my mom or so he says,” he said.

“Really?”

“Yeah. He wants to be a happier person he said cause he’s actually a very unhappy person apparently,” he said. You scooted closer and gave him a hug, TJ pulling you into his lap. “He told me a lot of stuff Y/N. I understand him a bit better. He still owes you and Jensen an apology but it’d mean a lot if you guys gave him a second chance. I’m still mad at him but it’s a start.”

“Of course, honey,” you said. “Your dad doesn’t have to be like mine. I just need to know that you have support from him if you ever need it.”

“I know I will. He told me I’m lucky to have you. He said it’s very apparent to him now just how much you love me.”

“A part of me has loved you since I was eighteen years old, Thomas. You were a normal boy and I wanted you to be with a normal girl and not one who got nightmares and had a history like mine. It’s why I was always trying to set you up with someone else and that night when I was alone and you came over...I finally admitted I wanted you for me. I wanted my best friend to be mine and maybe you wouldn’t mind if I wasn’t normal. You’d already put up with me for two years at that point.”

“I wanted you for me the whole time. I just thought she’s not into me, she keeps trying to set me up with her friends,” he said with a big smile. “Then she held my hand when I was walking her back to her car one night. She said she was scared. But we were the only ones around. So I thought maybe she changed her mind, maybe there’s something more. Maybe she fell too. But I was a chicken shit that night and didn’t say anything. I didn’t say anything for months. Until she texted me one night and wanted to talk cause she was home alone and I knew she was scared. I wasn’t being an idiot twice. The look of relief on your face when I showed up at that front door over there was...it’s how I feel when I see you every day. Loved and special and yours. I didn’t want to be with a normal girl. I wanted to be with you and you wanted me too and it worked. I’m more than the luckiest guy on the planet. I get you and Allie and Colin and these crazy people that are our family. If I have to have a dad that was a bit crappy for part of that, I will pay that price for it.”

“I’m a sucker for boys that talk about love,” you said. You gave him a big kiss, TJ chuckling as he returned it. He hugged you tight and you bumped noses, giggling quietly to yourselves. “Babe. If your dad is jealous of the time you spend with mine-”

“That’s his problem. He is more than welcome to come visit more. They don’t live that far away. I’m not changing my relationship with Jensen. Tomorrow, he’s going to apologize to you both he said and we can all go from there.”

“Okay,” you said, kissing his nose. “You want to go home or hang here?”

“We can stay here,” he said.

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I still feel kind of bad about what happened today. Your parents are pretty good at making me feel better. Not that you aren’t. I-”

“I know babe,” you said. “Let’s go on up to the TV room, see if we can get them out of that comfy bed.”

“Hey,” said your dad as you walked out of his room. “TJ, you got a sec?”

“Yeah,” he said.

“Let’s go take a walk,” said your dad. “I won’t keep him long, just around the block.”

“Alright. Be safe.”

Jensen’s POV

“What are we doing?” asked TJ when we got to the end of the driveway. 

“Taking a walk,” I said, shoving my hands in my pockets. He took a deep breath but followed as we headed down the street. “You doing okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Kiddo.”

“I feel shitty,” he said. I nodded and we walked quietly until we got to the end of the driveway of a home for sale. I walked over to the front porch and took a seat, TJ slowly coming over on his own.

“Seems to be a lot of that going around today,” I said. TJ kept his head down and I bumped his arm. “Why did you lie to Y/N?”

“What?”

“You got in a pretty big fight with your dad tonight. Maybe you didn’t lie but you left that part out.”

“How-“

“Cause I know you and I know I saw you force that smile on your face for her.”

“Y/N had a shitty childhood, worse than him, and you don’t see her being an asshole,” he said. “He wants me to spend less time with you and more with him.”

“What do you want?” I asked, planting my hands behind me and leaning back.

“I told him I wouldn’t do that and he didn’t like that,” said TJ. He shrugged and started to pick at a weed in the pavers, ripping it apart in his hands. 

“Are you gonna have your talks?” he asked. He lifted his head up and I smiled. “We were listening at the door. Sue us.”

“Yeah. But he thinks our relationship would improve if I spent less time with you.”

“TJ, I’m not your dad,” I said. He nodded and glanced down. “I’m not Y/N’s dad either. I didn’t make her. I’ve known her a year and a half longer than you is all.”

“But you’re her dad.”

“Yeah. I’m your dad too. Who you come from and your blood is important but it’s not the only thing. It doesn’t have to be anything. I want you to have a relationship with your dad. I’d love for you to have a great one with him. If you want to spend less time with me, I’ll do it. I won’t like it, but I’ll do it.”

“I think he’ll always be jealous, no matter what. Not unless I cut you off or started to really distance myself from you. I love him but I don’t understand why he’d ask me to do something like that.”

“He’s probably afraid of losing you.”

“I don’t understand him,” said TJ. I sat up and he fiddled with his hands. “I just don’t get why he’d ask me that. You’re willing to let me go, something that would hurt you, if I wanted it. All he does is ask me to do things that hurt people.”

“TJ-”

“No. Fuck him. If he’s gonna act like that then fuck him. Stay the fuck away from my family. If he had hit Allie, I swear to God, I could have killed him. That’s my fucking daughter,” he said. He ran his hands through his hair and I rubbed his back, TJ taking a few deep breaths. “Do you ever stop being terrified of something hurting them?”

“No,” I said. “It changes though and the problems change. If they wind up with someone good, you worry a smidge less knowing someone else loves them as much as you do. TJ, you’ll never be your father. I see you with Allie and Colin. You don’t treat them differently because one’s a girl and one’s a boy. If you keep loving them the way you do, they’ll turn out just fine.”

“You’re gonna tell me to give him a real chance, aren’t you.”

“TJ, start small. Try the weekly phone calls, see how it goes. It’s not gonna be overnight. Don’t worry about me or Y/N or the rest of us. Just try talking to your dad first,” I said. 

“He’s gonna come by our house in the morning and apologize to you and Y/N he said. I don’t know how genuine it’ll be.”

“Give him more credit than that.”

“Fine,” he grumbled. I bumped his shoulder and he sighed before I threw my arm over it. “My dad barely hugged me.”

“Yeah, but I like cuddles,” I said, getting a laugh out of him. I wrapped my arms around him and he took a shaky breath. “If you need a hug and Y/N or the kids aren’t around, come find me, alright?”

“Okay,” he said. He rested his chin on my shoulder and turned his head away.

“Thomas. Look at me,” I said. He turned it towards me and I smiled. “I love you kiddo.”

“I love you too,” he said, turning away.

“Try that again,” I said. “What’d I tell you before about being embarrassed?”

“I love you too,” he said, a little bashful looking but he kept his head up that time. 

“That’s my dork,” I said. He rolled his eyes and I stood up. He got up to his feet and glanced down again. “TJ, we’re beyond the shy stage. What is it?”

“Your parents did a really good job with you is all,” he said.

“They were okay,” I chuckled. “De changed me too. My friends did. My kids did. You did.”

“I did?”

“Of course you did. I got a buddy to help protect someone very important to me. But he didn’t just do it for her. He did it for her brother and sisters, did it for her mom. He even did it for her father because he ended up caring about all of them too at some point. We love you. You love us. It’ll work out, TJ. It takes time is all,” I said. 

“Thanks,” he said, giving me a smile as we watched a police cruiser pull into the driveway. He glanced at me and I shrugged. Two officers got out and turned on their flashlights, hitting us both in the face.

“What are you gentlemen up to this evening?” asked the first officer.

“My son-in-law and I were taking a walk and needed to have a sort of big conversation so we took a seat on the front porch here. No one lives here so-”

“How do you know no one lives there?” asked the second officer.

“I live just down the street there and my son-in-law is just around the corner from me. We’ve seen the house vacant for some time,” I said. The officers shared a look and I saw TJ glancing over at me. “Is there a problem?”

“We received a report of two men at this residence who were trespassing and possibly looking to attempt robbery. If we can see some ID’s and confirm your residence’s, you two can be on your way,” said the first officer. 

“I don’t have my wallet,” said TJ.

“Neither do I,” I said. “We just went on a walk. Literally my house is-”

“Hands behind your back, gentlemen,” said the second officer. Fuck. I sighed but nodded, TJ, swallowing. “Now.”

“It’s fine,” I said, turning around and feeling my hands get tugged together behind me. “I’ll call the lawyer and they’ll settle-”

“Jensen Ross Ackles and Thomas James Hanover. What are you two doing at the Maxwell’s old place?” I heard behind us. I spun around and saw Mrs. Hendrickson in her pajamas at the end of the driveway across the street.

“Mrs. Hendrickson. Mind telling these officers we live here?” I asked, holding up my hands.

Five minutes later they were gone and we were walking back home, TJ checking over his shoulder as the police cruiser drove off.

“Let’s not tell the girls about that. They’ll worry,” I said. 

“Agreed. At least our response time in the neighborhood is good,” he said.

“Yeah, you got a point there. You feel any better? I know we got interrupted back there,” I said.

“I’m okay. I think I’ll grab Y/N and we’ll head home.”

“Alright,” I said. “You’re always welcome to stay.”

When we walked inside though, there was a round of laughs from the kitchen, TJ smiling to himself.

“Maybe we’ll stay the night.”

“What do you need right now?” I asked.

“Lay in bed saying nothing with her,” he said.

“Go home then. There’s plenty of other nights you can stay over. Let her take care of you.”

“You sure?”

“It’s not about me tonight. It’s about you. Now grab your girl and go home before I drag you there myself,” I said. He nodded and I ruffled his hair. “Tomorrow’s a new day. It’ll get better. Just try for me, TJ.”

“I will, Jensen. Promise.”

_____

A/N: Read the Adoption Day timestamp here!

[intoafandom]

Ok, let’s digest this

I fucking LOATHE the washington capitals. Every single one of them. Their entire roster, all of their coaches, all of their fans. All of them (except chara-but even he is starting to get corrupted). Ive said this a million fucking times and im so fucking sick of having to say it. SUSPEND FUCKING WILSON. I don’t understand how the entire caps organization can defend that piece of shit who has sent multiple people to the HOSPITAL with his blatant, reckless hits. Kuraly gets tripped and then wilson comes from no where to elbow him in the head. HOW MANY TIMES HAS HE DONE THIS SHIT WITHOUT A PENALTY. There should’ve been a penalty from the TRIP ITSELF. AND THE REFS WONT CALL AN ELBOW TO THE HEAD FROM TOM FUCKING WILSON. Oh its “accidental contact” BITCH FROM TOM WILSON!? ACCIDENTAL!? WHAT!? And WE get a penalty for it!? NHL, FIX YOUR FUCKING REFS HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I fucking swear the refs are getting their dicks sucked by wilson cuz they fucking NEVER call penalties on wilson when he does this shit to us. Nbc announcers need to be fired. Literally fuck off. Im so fucking SICK of their victim blaming. “Kuraly was off balance so haha no penalty” BITCH HE GOT TRIPPED AND WILSON STILL WENT FOR HIS HEAD. HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO BLAME KURALY OH MY FUCKING. I want him suspended and at this point i wanted him ejected from the league. Im so fucking sick of his shit. The nhl should be embarrassed that he is still playing for them and the caps organization and their fans should be embarrassed too (but you know they wont be cuz they’re all pieces of shit. They’re just gunna be like “well daddys hot and you have marchand so haha who cares. It was a clean hit haha” fuck you)

AND FUCKING HATHAWAY OMFG. He was being a fucking menace all game without penalties so you just KNEW this shit was coming. FUCKING BOARDING ON TINORDI. His entire fucking face is dripping with blood and you’re going to act like you did nothing wrong. You’re REALLY going to be upset with the refs for kicking you out of the game when you complete a hit like that. I want Hathaway suspended too. That was fucking disgusting. And AGAIN nbc STOP FUCKING VICTIM BLAMING HOLY SHIT. “Tinordi turned into it” “look Tinordi turned into it at the last second” these bitches try so fucking hard to make it look like the bruins did it to themselves. Like HELLO I DONT THINK TINORDI WANTED HIS FACE BASHED INTO THE BOARDS YOU DUMBASSES. This isn’t even the first time Tinordi was boarded by the caps this season AND FUCKING NBC SAID THE SAME FUCKING THING!! TRYING TO BLAME HIM. FUCK OFF. These are the same bitches that blamed Carlo for getting hit in the head by Wilson. “Look you can see that Carlo sees wilson coming in the corner of his eye and then he drops his head” BITCH ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS. I DONT THINK CARLO WANTED THAT WILSON FUCKER TO GIVE HIM A CONCUSSION, SEND HIM TO THE HOSPITAL CUZ HE COULDNT SEE OUT OF ONE OF HIS EYES, HAVE MEMORY LOSS, SLURRED SPEECH OR MOOD SWINGS. I DONT THINK HE WANTED THAT NBC. FUCK ALL OF YOU. DONT YOU DARE BLAME OUR PLAYERS FOR THE IDIOCY ON THE CAPITALS. DONT YOU FUCKING DARE. (Not to mention how, when finally returning to ice weeks later, Carlo literally said he didn’t see wilson AT ALL and he couldn’t even remember what happened until he watched the replay DAYS later). Oh AND the fact that they have the audacity to call this game “entertaining” when the caps are committing dangerous fucking hits that leave our players severely injured. Fuck off.

Caps fans, yall need to get your heads out of your asses. This shit is DISGUSTING. What if a bruin did that to one of YOUR players. Dont pretend you wouldn’t be upset. Now imagine we did that CONSTANTLY with ZERO consequences. Fucking bullshit right. Exactly. So dont go getting mad a bruins fans for wanting your players suspended when they do this shit constantly. Fucking disgusting. So you think wilsons hot? So what. He’s a piece of shit.

And then you have players like tj oshie and alex ovechkin (AND THEIR FUCKING COACH) who do the same shit, then go in front of the media defending their teammates saying “it was a clean hit” “its kind of a joke (that he was suspended)” like are you fucking SERIOUS. Fuck off.

And nhl player safety sucks ASS. They only give a shit when fans start complaining. Ive said this in a previous post, but one of the worst parts about hathaway’s hit on Tinordi is that it will completely overshadow wilsons hit on Kuraly. Just like how wilsons hit overshadowed vranas crosscheck to the back of Carlo’s head. The nhl player safety only cares about getting one player, to “calm down fans” instead of actually getting justice for all the ones who were victims of dangerous hits. Im so fucking tired of it. If they end up suspending Hathaway, they probably wont do anything to wilson and you KNOW IT. Fuck you.

Every damn time we play the caps, their shitty reckless physicality severely injures someone and they never get any meaningful punishments. Their entire organization is so fucking toxic. So much so that they’re even starting to corrupt ZDENO CHARA. Honestly just disband this team. Im fucking over it. And I would bet most nhl fans wouldn’t give a shit about never having to see ovechkin oshie wilson etc ever play again.

And yes caps fans, im tagging you. Cuz yall need to get over yourselves.

[bugslaststraw]

i dont have a problem w junker queen being muscular in fact i welcome a muscular female character design but why does she have to be like -victoria's secret model gone rogue and decided to take steroids- muscular baby that waist is SNATCHED and its not because the designer was gay and yass!!

She should've been MORE muscular!!! She should've had SCARS! SHE SHOULD'VE BEEN BUILT LIKE A BARN. SHE SHOULD'VE HAD PATCHES AND TATS AND BODY HAIR I'M SO ANGRY same thing w the Roadhog/Junkrat redesigns btw FUXK em both especially god damn Cluttermouse over there they FUCKED IT UP FUCK IT ALL

[calypsoff]

Sixty Eight. Part 5

I feel like I am stealing someone baby and I feel bad, but I am not leaving him here, I refuse to leave him especially when we are going home. I rather he be safe, I did say to Rajad that is not drunk where he is if TJ does realise but I don’t think he will, Chris and him are both going to be a mess together “looks cute on you that” pointing at Rich, he rolled his eyes as I picked up the car seat and Mel got the bag “stealing babies is fun” walking behind Mel to leave the building, Rich looks so awkward holding Camron like put some love into it, he’s not a piece of meat now “have you all got a car to go home?” I asked Tootie, they are waiting here “waiting on Uber” frowning at her “should have asked, I could have got you an SUV, but you are all ok to get home yes?” I am so knackered, and I see paparazzi outside this place already “you go home and rest, you look exhausted” I sighed out “I am, thank you” Mel is holding the door open for me “thank you” holding this car seat that I have no idea how to use “can the driver put this in?” I questioned, the paparazzi is really close to me, they need to watch out “move back!” Rich spat with Camron in his arm “can you put this in thank you” he looked at me shocked “oh yes” the driver took the seat “let me get in first” it’s like three in the morning, I need my bed right he now.

I don’t know what instinct I have kicking in, but I just feel like I am concerned that he hasn’t been fed, waiting for the call to connect because Noella was around him then “hey, did any of you see this baby get fed? Like I can’t say because I been busy?” I hope they saw “all I saw and then was told, his friend said can I leave him here and he was already asleep but that was it” rolling my eyes “ok, see you at the house” disconnecting the call “time to go to and get something for him, like maybe clothes and diapers and some food? Maybe milk, Rich you heard that” I think I may feed him something because this is not good, imagine how long he has had that diaper on for “you think if we wake him he will cry?” I shrugged “he didn’t wake up when Rich held him” now Mel is on a mission, she is going to go out of her way to wake him, but he needs too “are you going to change the diaper?” Nodding my head “I’m not that kind of person, so yeah I will do that. Not his fault his father is busy partying” Mel is touching his face to wake him; he’s going to be in shock when he wakes up.

Camron is awake but very quiet, he hasn’t cried but we have all the stuff to take care of him tonight “I am so tired” I complained, Noella has put him the baby seat in the kitchen and he’s just looking, he is so cute “so I have done the bottle for you, should be perfect. This is a good test if you think of getting pregnant again so soon” Noella laughed pointing out, I cringed “if I need you I will call you” grabbing the bottle from Noella, I am so nervous about this. I am going to be feeding this child, Noella changed the diaper for me and put the babygrow on, he is so good bless him and I feel he’s like that because he’s always with someone new, which is sad “shall we have milk” I shook his bottle “da” he reached up “oh my gosh, were you hungry?” Taking the cap off and placing the bottle in his hands, he snatched it off me so quickly “I will take him upstairs, if anyone asks he’s in bed with me” unbuckling him out of the seat “come here big boy” he is a big boy, laying him in my arm just above my bump “I don’t like this already” I cringed “you want me to take him up” shaking my head, holding him close to me and quickly used my other hand to fix the bottle. His cutie little eyes just staring at me, he is so hungry I feel he isn’t taking any breaths “ok, goodnight” walking off to go upstairs, shuffling along to the stairs and Noella is right, I will not be getting pregnant any time soon because I can’t do be doing this, I have decided already.

I fell asleep scared thinking he would end up falling off the bed but he didn’t, I woke up to Camron just sat on the bed staring at me “you know Chris wouldn’t like this” he is so adorable in the morning, I am so shocked he hasn’t cried at all. I am unsure on why but I feel like he hasn’t because he’s used to random people, he touched his head and pulled his hair “come here” holding my hand to him, extending my arm and just helping him to come closer “pulling your hair for” he smiled at me, he is the cutest thing “my god, Camron you are too adorable” he looked at my bump and then smiled, reaching over to my phone “let me take a picture” I am wondering where my husband is actually because clearly he isn’t here so where the hell he is, Camron placed his hands on my bump and and used it to get up “excuse me” grabbing his arm, he need to not squash my daughter. He smiled so wide stood up and I quickly took a picture of him “sit back now baby” sitting him back so he fell back, he will be ok there. Adding a caption ‘found a random baby in my bed’ pressing send, I sniggered to myself, I know his mother is going to flat out have a meltdown over this. Throwing my covers off of me and getting out of bed slowly “my daughter didn’t like you touching her baby” I groaned out getting up, turning to Camron “hey baby” let me take another picture of him, he looks so happy laid out on the bed. Taking another picture of him giggling ‘My husband looks young’ pressing send, I just keep adding to my IG story.

Walking into the living room “I hope I don’t have a son” I announced as soon as I got into the room “why baby?” my mother questioned “because they be trying to attack their peepee all of the time, like come on! I was literally hitting his hands away” my mother is laughing out so much “they don’t change either, they grow up with their hands in their pants, chile no. I don’t want a boy” I am so glad I am having a daughter now “you playing Majesty” placing him down on the floor “plays nicely now” placing him in the play pen “so no boy eh?” sitting next to my mother “I hope not mom, I just can’t be dealing with battling him not touch his dick, like stop” my mom sighed out “they are all the same Robyn, trust me. They love touching it, where is your husband” she has reminded me, I need to chase him up “I am checking on that” I will ring Rorrey, actually Rajad. Scrolling to his name “clearly he isn’t here so where is he” tapping on Rajad name “none of the boys came home Robyn” placing my phone to my ear as it rang out “hey sis” Rajad is a good boy “where is my husband?” I asked “Drake’ penthouse suite, he is on the floor asleep. We all here” of course he is “what happened when I left my spy?” he better tell me “he got drunk, badly drunk. Sick on his flooring drunk, Rich and one of Drake bodyguards drove the cars back to the home” nodding my head “take care of him, tell TJ his son is here too” he better pick up his damn son.

Majesty is so mean, she done bullied that boy. Pulled his hair twice too for nothing too, I think it’s because he attempted to touch her toys and she disliked that, but she needs to share with her sassy self “did you manage to see Joyce? She asked about you at the club, I said to her that you’re busy chasing Chris” I laughed “I only said I am going to say hi to him, you’re so silly and I did. We sat and spoke for a while actually; she was saying how excited she is for you to have the baby. That the home Chris has got her has been a dream, she enjoys the privacy and that the family that dislike Chris hate him even more, they did pop into the home. I said it happens, but she was sweet as always, are you feeling nervous about giving birth?” nodding my head “oh yes, and then decided that I won’t be having another straight away either. That is a hundred percent too much for me to be doing that but I am nervous, I want a pain free birth but I can imagine it being the worst, I just know the pain is going to be terrible” my mother doesn’t seem fazed at all “all three of you had big heads, I say had but you still all do” I would tell her how dare you but I will laugh it off “rude” she isn’t wrong at all.

Rajad said that they dropped the cars off at the home so I thought I would do some investigation, they parked it not on the drive because obviously the gate is closed but outside the home at the side which is stupid because I mean it should be inside the drive so I got Mel to do it for me, she can apparently drive these things, I mean she is saying she can but I don’t think she can put the engine on. They at least put the keys in the post for me “not like seeing you out here Rihanna” looking away from the car “oh hey Justin” he got off his bike “you just moved in” hugging him “yeah, like just down the road, I been meaning to bump into, I mean literally bump into you. It’s actually very weird seeing you pregnant, but beautiful as ever. It kind of takes away my childhood dreams of being your boyfriend” I laughed moving back from the hug “you never said you had a crush on me?” I said dumbfounded “boyfriend was about you! Didn’t you get it?” shaking my head laughing “you know what Justin, can you do me a big favour. My friend is stupid, but can you park both of these cars on my drive please, they were left here. My husband isn’t home, and I can’t drive these” it’s just funny that I am here asking Justin Bieber to park the cars “oh for sure, anything for you. Just stand and watch my bike though” stepping my back laughing “here is the key for the big one and tell her to get out. She is gong to do something stupid” I swear Mel is so basic, she is acting like she knows she can do it and she can’t “since we are neighbours, are you going to cook me something nice?” Justin shouted as he made his way to the car “I will think about it!” this boy is going to be at my home now, Chris will have a new friend soon.

I just posted about Justin parking my cars, it’s all over the blogs. It was an hour ago and every news outlet has it up, they did not wait “oh my god, Rihanna. I am so sorry” TJ rushed in, he actually scared me “woah, TJ. It’s ok” he looks a little worse for wear “Camron, hey. Sorry” he went over to his son, seeing my pale ass husband. He looks terrible “don’t bother kissing me if you are feeling like death, just don’t” he looks terrible “I don’t feel too good, I smell too” I gagged “you know what, throw the suit away, go in the shower and then bed” I pointed at him “I feel the same, I will shower with you” Rorrey said as he walked back out of the living room, Chris walked off with his head low “I’m not well mom” I sniggered at Chris saying that to my mom, she was only just stood there “oh my god, like I think Chris ruined so many things. Also I know a secret” Rajad smiled “like the hell what?” he leaned into me and whispered in my ear “it’s a girl” I gasped “that man!” I spat, Rajad laughed “he told everyone when we got to the penthouse, Drake was also drunk and they was just dancing around and then he was sick. And then he started telling everyone, then Rorrey and Chris got emotional together, it was super funny. He fell asleep on the bathroom floor” he pointed at TJ “man, it’s bad times. I am so sorry, like for real, I just. I am sorry. I am ashamed. I am going to the hotel now, I am sorry” waving him off “it’s fine, he is happy and fed. Don’t feel that way or let that bitch make you feel that way either” I know she will be.

That ugly ass bitch baby mother is giving hell but I do not care, hooting and hollering to the blogs saying that is my son, baby have the child. I need to see to my big child that made a whole lot of mess I heard “oh you in bed” he is already in bed “yeah, I had a quick shower, I need sleep” making my way over to him “the clothes are in a bag on the bathroom floor, I just want to say thank you. Robyn you did so much for me, I am still trying to process it but you got me on my knees. Like I can’t” I shushed him “just rest up ok, I will let you sleep for a while and bring some light food up. You been up to no good too” Chris groaned out laying onto his side “I don’t feel too good, I don’t” he closed his eyes “I am not shocked, you just rest” pressing a kiss to his forehead, he has literally dragged the wet towel across the bedroom floor and collapsed in bed, I will let him off just this time because other then that I would have been mad. He did have a shower, so I assume. Picking up the towel, as long as he isn’t sick in the bed I will be ok.

[smartguyreviewed]

2x6 - Trial and Error

Original air date: Oct 15, 1997

Okay, so we begin this infuriating episode with Floyd coming home and calling out for his biological children. None of them are home. Except for Mo. Mo broke into the house. No, seriously. He broke into the house and started eating somebody’s leftovers. Now in any other case, this would warrant a passionate ass whooping and a call to the parents of this child because what the fuck are you doing so wrong to have your son breaking into houses and not stealing anything except for food? However, this is sitcom world and Floyd just seems more annoyed than anything since Mo is always there anyway.

Mo tells Floyd he needs to be more careful about locking the windows. So linebacker ass Mo really needed to eat and somehow oozed through a window just to get food? Ok, I take back what I said about him needing his ass kicked. Mo is clearly malnourished even though he’s huge. His parents must be poor and therefore can’t afford to feed him. Holy shit was that dark. Moving on. 

Food and TJ’s brain are the reasons for his crime. His parents are going to kill him if he brings home another D. This is really helping me build a theory that Mo’s parents are abusive, so let’s assume his parents are literal this time about the kill thing. Floyd then realizes that Mo’s punishment would equal him not being over again to eat up their food and casually break in so he tells Mo that TJ joined the Marines. Nice, Floyd.

Just then, the rest of Floyd’s flock comes in babbling about who got what part in a play. TJ is naturally upset because he wanted a bigger role, still not getting used to the idea that he’s a 10 year old and unless he’s playing the role of a character with dwarfism, it wouldn’t make sense for him to have a huge part. TJ storms off in a huff. Typical TJ things.

The next day, everyone is atwitter over a test from their more over it than Lisa Simpson teacher. This man wants all of his students to fail. He hates his students. He’s a teacher and yet he hates teaching. Maybe this is the wrong profession for you, bruh? And it’s evident his ‘over it’ level is on a million from the way he comes in and tells his class to “get ready to hate me.” The deadpan, dry delivery was funny though. 

His first task is to give his students an assignment so hard that even he doesn’t know all the answers. Um, why? If you don’t know the answers, how are you gonna grade the tests? Isn’t this just creating more work for you, someone who already hates his job? Why the fuck does Piedmont hire such bad teachers and faculty, dammit?

Even TJ is intimidated by this test! Mo asks Mr. Bringleman why stuff from another chapter he previously said wouldn’t be on the test is on the test. He simply says he lied. This man is evil. I hated teachers who did that bitch ass shit. Yes, I only studied for what you said was going to be on the test because I have other classes too, ya know. I’m a teenager, not a machine!

I’m just gonna call him Mr. B for the rest of this review because fuck this most likely racist white man. His ass was listening to the boys talking about how hard the test was and then Mo says he wishes he could do to Mr. B what he does to all of them. Mr. B asks if he’s threatening him and Mo stammers. Then Mr. B insults his intelligence by asking if he ever has a complete thought. Before he can even fix his mouth to call him the N word, not Linda Ellerbee shows up to see what’s going on. Oh yeah, and she’s the new principal. She’s the third one so far and this is only the first half of the second season.

Anyways, she needs someone to cover a class and outright forces him to do it. Ha-ha. When the boys laugh at him, Mr. B says he’s going to grade Mo’s test. Nice, I just love seeing teachers bully students.

At the play rehearsal, TJ is still campaigning for a lead role. Mackey has to be the one to humble him, asking for duct tape. Marcus’s play related arc in this episode is pursuing acting seriously in case music doesn’t work out. His part has no lines so he’s trying to act with his face. He can just feel the SAG membership card in his hands.

Just then, Yvette bursts in wearing a Prince-inspired outfit and lets everyone know there was a fire in the chem lab. Dun du--pause. Why the fuck is she telling everyone? Wouldn’t they have had a fire drill? Are there no fire alarms in this blasted school? How the fuck did nobody know about it or smell smoke and why is Yvette bursting in like the town crier in this Purple Rain ass outfit???

All the students are happy until Linda Ellerbee hands Mo his charred playbook and asks him to come into her office. Dun dun dun. Later we find out that Mo was expelled. Because he is an abused child who only feels safe at the Hendersons, Mo has once again broke into their house and begun working out in their garage. Floyd is over it.

TJ comes home and talks to Mo. He is sad to learn that nobody thinks he’s innocent but says that TJ has to believe him because he has the “wide-eyed innocence of a child.” He follows this up with shitty examples of kids trusting adults who end up being assholes. Once they finally get on a good example, TJ is able to see that Mo is innocent and decides to help Mo get back into school.

The next day, TJ is in the principal’s office waiting for Linda Ellerbee. She has mice in her office because Piedmont is the worst public school ever and is resorting to playing the Spice Girls to get them out. Is that supposed to be a diss to the Spice Girls? Fuck anyone who disses the Spice Girls.

Sis is not budging when it comes to letting Mo back in the school. Sounds like a job for TJ’s cuteness and persistence! He gets her to agree to a mock trial where Mo would have to come back to the school. I...whatever. Order in the courtroom!

TJ is Mo’s defense. The opposinjg side calls Marcus to the stand so we already know this will end in disaster. It takes less than a minute for Marcus to admit that Mo threatened Mr. B. Ugh! Stupid Marcus. But he doesn’t even do the worst on the stand. Mo actually manages to fuck it all up! Marcus and TJ are trying to paint Mo out to be, what the kids today would call it, a “punk ass bitch.” Rather than play along and accept it, dumb ass Mo puts his stupid, fragile masculinity ahead of his chance to get back into school and says that he follows through on all threats. Once he realizes his gaffe, he immediately sits his ass down. Yvette is annoyed.

Vice principal Millitch, who will later replace Linda Ellerbee in one of the only sensical things I’ve seen regarding Piedmont, qualifies that Mo’s playbook was found at the scene next to Mr. B’s burnt gradebook. It was nice knowing ya, Mo. We know how the legal system works.

So then the loser teacher gets on the stand and tries to make it seem like he doesn’t intentionally make his students suffer by giving them ridiculously hard tests and lying about what’s even going to be on the test. To him, Mo is just a stupid, violent nigger so of course he’d want to commit a crime instead of studying harder. And then he lays it on thicker by insulting his intelligence again, explaining what the word combust means in the most smug ass, irritating way. It’s fucked up upon re-watch but at least it’s super realistic how predominately black public schools get racist white teachers often. They’re usually there for the tuition reimbursement.

TJ is now realizing that he may not be able to help Mo out of this jam. While eating dinner, Yvette comes in and apologizes for her lateness, saying the trial is over and now the school can continue with the play rehearsals. She tells an adamant TJ that Mr. B, also assuming the trial’s conclusion, was chain smoking cigarettes and humming “Don’t Worry Be Happy.” Floyd is appalled at the latter. TJ’s gears begin shifting. Side note but doesn’t Mr. B just look like a miserable ass teacher who smokes in the classroom?

TJ and Mo break into the school. Geez, so much trespassing in this episode! Mo isn’t even worried about being caught because what are they gonna do, “expel him from college?” Slapstick ensues while TJ collects samples from the gradebook. Mo, on the other hand, is battling a mouse trap. I was super high when I watched this last night but this scene had me in stitches. Omar Gooding is really good with physical comedy. Look, even TJ gets stuck to him when they’re leaving! Priceless!

At court the next morning, TJ calls Mr. B to the stand. He brilliantly examines him and exposes him for smoking in the classroom, which was the actual cause for the fire. This man is fucking evil! He was actually about to get away with very possibly ruining a teenager’s life until a fucking 10 year old stepped in and dug deeper. He could have seriously gotten him disowned by his parents, making him homeless, forcing him to turn to the streets for survival. All because he’s an asshole and didn’t have the heart to own up to what he did. Hell, it’s fucking Piedmont! I’m sure they would have kept him!

Seeing as he just gets sent to Linda’s office, he’s most likely getting a slap on the wrist and paid vacation leave. Oh well. Also frustratingly realistic. At least Mo isn’t expelled anymore. Too bad Mo’s unwashed hands are still sticky when he shakes the principal’s hand and the joke continues.

At the end, Marcus gets bumped up to the illustrious Juror #2. Gotta love a true thespian! Case dismissed. Bring out the dancing lobsters.

Things I noticed:

- Stinky Steve is Mr. B’s defense.

- Piedmont has no respect for their students’ time. The mock trial began at 8am. Assuming that their school day begins at 9am, I bet the play participants probably hate TJ for forcing them to get up an hour earlier than normal, on top of having to do the play after school.

[artificialqueens]

Stupid For You, Chapter 9 (Crygi, Jankie) - Metaluna

Chapter summary: After the day from Hell, Crystal and Gigi have an important conversation.

Being a happy person is something that Crystal prided herself in. No matter what, she always tried to have a positive outlook on life, even when Ryan was bad to her, or when her parents weren’t around. She could always look on the bright side of life.

That was until she and Gigi fought. She’d never felt such negativity in her eighteen years. Just when she thought it couldn’t get any worse, Brita’s party happened, which led to Vomitgate. Vomitgate was singlehandedly the worst thing that had ever happened to her social life. Now, she couldn’t go to work without someone whispering about her in the breakroom. Everywhere she went, someone was there to make her feel embarrassed, usually people she didn’t even know.

While she sat in the breakroom, she saw a girl that Gigi worked with, whose name she thought to be Dahlia, whispering to some girl Crystal didn’t recognize. The moment Crystal looked in their direction, the other girl shushed Dahlia and they both laughed.

Finally she had enough.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Crystal demanded.

“Excuse me?” the girl asked coolly.

“I know you and everyone else in this fucking park is talking shit about me.”

Dahlia rolled her eyes. “We’ve got good reason to.”

“Are you kidding? You can’t tell me you haven’t been messy at some point. In fact, I’ve heard stories. I know you’re messy.”

Dahlia sat dumbfounded as Crystal turned her back.

“Hey, girl,” Heidi said as she sat across from Crystal.

Crystal grunted in acknowledgement.

“Don’t pay attention to them.”

“What’s wrong with them?” Crystal whined.

“I don’t know. I know for a fact Miss Dahlia over there definitely got sick at my party and completely missed the toilet,” Heidi said staring at Dahlia, making sure she’d heard every word.

As Crystal lay her head on the table, groaning dramatically, she felt her phone buzz.

Gigi.

Heidi saw the shock on Crystal’s face. “It’s not your boyfriend, is it?”

She shook her head. “Gigi.”

Raising an eyebrow, Heidi said, “Oh, shit. What’s it say?”

Crystal read the text aloud to Heidi.

Hey. I know youve been going through it, and that really sucks. Id like to talk things through if youre down

Crystal’s thumbs couldn’t move fast enough.

oh my god its so good to hear from you. yea things have been Awful… i definitely wanna talk when are you free??

“She wants to talk about things,” Crystal said to Heidi, as she feverishly tapped her fingers on the table anxiously awaiting Gigi’s response.

Okay awesome! Im soft closing tonight, so Im off at 8. Games is off at 8 at the latest right? Meet me at the ferris wheel.

“Wait, why does she want to meet at the Ferris wheel?” Crystal asked, looking up from her phone to Heidi.

“The grand tradition,” Heidi said dramatically. “Anytime there’s any grief with two people at the Isle, you take a ride on the Ferris wheel to talk it out. Mainly because the two of you are stuck together, so you either sit awkwardly or talk through your shit.”

“That’s… weird. Okay.”

Crystal quickly typed up a response..

ill be there!!!!

Crystal felt relieved. Things were finally turning around. Or so she’d hoped.

Later on, Crystal’s shift at the ring toss game was interrupted by a middle-aged mother’s tirade at not winning a single time. “Can’t I just buy the prize?”

Normally Crystal was sympathetic, but considering it was the third time that day and she was already having a terrible day, her responses were short, much like her temper. “No. You have to win the game.”

“You’re ruining my little Lucy’s day!” the woman motioned to her little devil spawn.

“Sorry,” Crystal mumbled.

“I know you probably don’t give a fuck and probably don’t even want to be here, but you’re literally ruining our vacation! We paid good money to be here and now I can’t even win this fucking game? Are you serious?”

Crystal shrugged as she accidentally let out the yawn she was holding in.

“Young lady, you are being extremely rude!”

“I can call my supervisor if you want,” Crystal offered, taking the radio off her belt.

“No. I’m going straight to guest relations.”

“It’s to your left as you leave the park.”

Just as the woman turned to leave, the woman turned around and spat in Crystal’s face. At first, Crystal was in such a state of shock she didn’t realize what happened. By the time she processed it, she let out a scream.

Thankfully, Widow stopped the woman from leaving as Ben called Brooke who came out to handle the situation almost instantly. Before long, there were two security guards who came to escort the angry woman and her child out of the park.

Just as on her first day, Brooke comforted Crystal. “Are you okay, honey?”

Hot tears ran down Crystal’s face as she shook her head. “No.”

“Let’s get you out of here.”

Brooke led Crystal back into the money room. As Brooke gave Crystal a bottle of water, the floodgates opened. Every single negative emotion Crystal had been feeling the past couple of months rose to the surface. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d cried this hard.

“Let it out, honey,” Brooke rubbed Crystal’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” Crystal apologized. “I’m sorry you’re stuck taking care of me again.”

Brooke smiled compassionately. “I like taking care of you all. It’s kind of why I do this.”

Crystal wiped her eyes. “Really?”

She nodded and hesitated before she continued. “I feel like there’s something else going on. Being spat on is disgusting, but I feel like just from what I’ve seen with you interacting with guests and just in general, you aren’t yourself right now, are you?”

This only made Crystal cry harder.

“Deep breaths. Talk to me.”

Once she caught her breath, Crystal told Brooke everything. Starting from her fight with Gigi, ending with Vomitgate, she put everything on the table.

“Vomit…gate?” Brooke questioned. “Okay. Well. That’s terrible. I’m sorry your peers are being so immature. I can try to say someth–”

“No!” Crystal shouted. “Sorry… I mean… that’s not necessary.”

“Don’t worry about it. Also, Crystal, every season I feel like there’s a new host who just has the worst luck with guests, and it’s always the gentlest souls, too. I’m sorry to say that it’s you this season.”

“Oh fucking great,” Crystal muttered. “Sorry.”

“I don’t fucking care if you swear,” Brooke said laughing. “But, because that woman did spit on you, which is considered as an act of violence. So, I’m going to need to take you to HR and you’re going to have to file a report.”

Brooke immediately saw the panic on Crystal’s face.

“You aren’t in trouble, not by any means, Crystal. It’s just to make sure that this is on record. Do you want to press charges?”

Immediately, Crystal shook her head. “No. That’s okay.”

“Are you sure?”

Crystal nodded.

Once Crystal managed to stop crying, Brooke grabbed a Kleenex to fix Crystal’s makeup, and led them to the HR building. Crystal hadn’t been to the HR building since orientation on her first day.

Brooke led her into the room where park orientation was held. Instead of there being rows of chairs, there was a table with two office chairs on either side. A woman who looked like she shopped exclusively in the clearance section of TJ Maxx with a tall stack of papers in front of her was sitting on one side.

“Do you want me to stay?” Brooke offered.

“Yes, please,” Crystal whispered as she sat across from the woman.

“You must be Crystal,” the woman began. “I’m Monique. Please, sit.”

Crystal pursed her lips and didn’t say anything. Brooke, who was sitting next to her rubbed her back in reassurance. “Yes.”

“Do you want to tell me what happened today?”

No. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Okay. Start from the beginning. I’m just going to write what you say, okay?”

Crystal nodded. “So… I was at the game–”

“Which game?” Monique interrupted. “Sorry. You have to be as thorough as possible.”

“It’s okay. I was at the ring toss game today at like 2:30. This woman and her kid come up to play, and they lose, and she gets pi–…. Mad at me and starts yelling at me like the guests normally do. Maybe I could have been a little bit warmer with my responses… Whatever. Anyway. I asked if she wanted to talk to Brooke, and she said no, she’s going to HR. I told them where it was, since it’s kind of hidden, you know? I think she thought I was being cocky or something. Next thing I know, she spits in my face.”

“What do you mean, could have been warmer in your responses?”

Crystal sighed. “I don’t know. I was nice to her like I always am. But usually I listen more? I don’t know.”

“Did you say anything with malicious intent?”

“ What? No! I just… kind of wasn’t super into my responses.”

“What do you mean ‘into’?”

“I just kinda was monotone with it, I guess? Which, like, I know isn’t good, but I had a bad day and–” Crystal cut herself off as she felt tears forming. Brooke noticed immediately as she slipped her a Kleenex.

“We strive for excellent guest service here.”

“I know,” Crystal whined. “I just…”

“I think that she’s given you more than enough details, Ms. Hart,” Brooke said.

“Okay, okay. Can I just have you write everything you just told me?” She slid Crystal the stack of papers.

The sheer amount of paperwork was massive. There were so many spots to initial and sign that by the time she got to writing her statement, she felt like she couldn’t write anymore.

Monique rose. “I’ll leave you two to it. Just leave the statement when you’re done.”

“Crystal, hey, you’re okay. It’s okay. It’s a lot, but just write everything that happened. You don’t have to say that you weren’t as nice as you could be. I’m sure you were kind like you always are. Just write it as detailed as you can, okay?”  Brooke’s tone comforted Crystal as she began to write.

By the time Crystal finished writing her statement, she’d filled nearly all the lines on the paper. After signing her name one last time, she dramatically threw the pen down and stretched.

“Can we go back yet?” Crystal asked.

“Not quite yet,” Brooke said as she led Crystal to the back of the HR building.

“Why not?” she whined.

Wordlessly, Brooke led Crystal into a room she had to scan her badge to enter. The lights flickered a few times before coming in to reveal a breakroom that looked like it hadn’t been renovated since the park opened back in the eighties.

“You, my dear, need some ice cream.” Brooke went to the freezer and pulled out one of the overpriced ice cream bars that were sold to guests, which Crystal gratefully took.

“You’re the best,” Crystal said as she took a bite.

When she made it back to her game booth, Crystal was convinced her day was going to be better. If nothing else, she got to take a break for an hour and eat ice cream. It was going to be a good rest of the day, or so she thought.

On her second break, Crystal went into the restroom. As she locked the stall door, she heard a group enter. It was at least three people judging by the voices she could hear.

“Anyway yeah,” one of the voices began. “Gigi’s gotta hate her by this point. Those were some nice ass shoes she was wearing.”

“I thought they already hated each other? They never are with each other anymore. They were together so much,” a second voice said.

A third voice spoke up. “Yeah it was weird as fuck they were together so much you’d think they were dating or something.”

“I don’t know,” the second voice continued. “Either way, I’m glad Gigi’s not friends with her anymore. She’s annoying as fuck.”

“Right? The bitch doesn’t stop crying ever.” the first voice agreed. “Plus what’s up with her makeup? Sweetheart, the circus isn’t in town until next month.”

The other two laughed.

Of course her day wasn’t going to improve. Why would it? She knew that she shouldn’t let people’s words get to her. Crystal was used to being picked on for being eccentric. But with the day she’d already had, Crystal had enough.

Crystal forcefully slammed the stall door open. She didn’t even know the three girls, but vaguely recognized them as being in Dahlia’s gang. They were all standing in front of the sink fixing their makeup and hair. Crystal body checked one of the girls to get to the sink.

“What do you think you’re doing?” the girl jeered.

“Really? You’re going to talk all that shit about me and not even get the fuck out of my way? Next time you’ve got some shit to say, say it to my face, you cowards.”

When she got back from her break, she was visibly shaken. When Brooke made her rounds to check on everyone, she noticed just how upset Crystal looked. “Are you okay?”

Crystal shook her head.

“Today’s just not your day, is it, honey?”

“Nope.”

“Well,” Brooke began. “We’re overstaffed right now. Do you want to go home?”

This was music to Crystal’s ears. “Absolutely.”

“Go clock out. I’ll take care of it.”

In Crystal’s relief of leaving the hellhole that was work, she forgot all about meeting Gigi.

Gigi checked the time on her phone. It was 8:10. Five more minutes. She’d wait five minutes to see if Crystal would show. Gigi decided to not text Crystal, and decided that if she wanted to show up, she’d be there.

Five more minutes passed. As Gigi looked around The Boardwalk, there was no bright red hair to be seen. Maybe she just got held up. Gigi decided to give it another ten minutes, before giving up and defeatedly walking back to her Jeep.

Fuck you, Crystal.

Later that night, Gigi laid on her bed staring up at the ceiling wondering how she could let Crystal play with her emotions so much.

Just as she was about to wallow in her self-pity some more, her phone buzzed, notifying her that Jan was calling on Facetime.

“Hey, gorg!” Jan greeted, as she was lying in bed with Jackie.

“Hey guys,” Gigi said glumly.

“How’d it go?” Jackie asked.

“It… didn’t.”

Jan’s eyes widened. “She didn’t show up?”

Gigi shook her head as she felt herself starting to cry. “I’m so stupid.”

“Listen here, Gigi,” Jan began. “You are not stupid.”

“Did you text her?” Jackie asked.

“No, because I figured that if she really wanted to see me, I shouldn’t have to remind her,” Gigi explained. “But why do you think she didn’t want to see me?”

“I don’t know, Gigi,” Jan said. “Who knows what’s going on in that weird little brain of hers.”

Gigi plopped face down on her pillow as she screeched. “Fuck her. If she doesn’t want to talk to me, then it’s her loss. I don’t even care anymore.”

“You have to do what’s best for you,” Jackie said.

An alert informed Gigi she got a text. From Crystal.

“Fuck. It’s her,” Gigi squeaked.

“What did you say about not caring anymore?” Jan teased.

oh my god gigi i am so sorry you have no idea holy shit i had the worst day of my life. someone spit on me and i had to file a report and then these girls were talking about me and literally everything was terrible today to the point that my supervisor let me go home early and i came home and i fell right asleep and i just woke up like ten minutes ago and i feel terrible and you probably don’t want ot talk to me but oh my god gigi please im so sorry please please please talk to me

Gigi went back to the call as she reread the text. “And the impressive part is there was not a single punctuation mark in that entire text, and only one typo.”

“Wow,” Jackie said. “What are you going to do?”

“What should I do?”

Jan shrugged. “What do you think feels right?”

“I really still lo… like her a lot.  As a friend,” Gigi managed ro recover smoothly. “I don’t really want to ruin that.”

“Then tell her that,” Jan suggested.

Gigi carefully composed her response.

Wow that sounds…. terrible. Im really sorry that happened to you :(( I’m definitely still down to talk. Same place and time tomorrow?

Crystal texted back immediately.

ill be there.

After Jan hung up, she rested her head on Jackie.

“We’re good friends,” she said confidently.

“We are,” Jackie said as she kissed Jan’s cheek.

“I feel bad for them though.”

“I do too,” Jackie agreed.

“This feel selfish to say,” Jan began, “but even though they’re having a bad time, this is probably one of the best summers I’ve had in a while.”

Jackie smiled. “Do I have anything to do with that?”

“Baby, you have everything to do with it.” Jan snuggled closer to Jackie.

“Hey, Jan?” Jackie began nervously.

“Yes, Jackie?”

“I have to talk to you about something.”

Immediately, tears began to well in Jan’s eyes. “Do you not want to do this anymore?”

“What? No!”

“Then what?” Jan was near hysterics.

“Jan… This has been the best summer I’ve had in a while, too. And you’re the reason for that. Every second we spend together is the happiest I’ve been in a very long time. I spent so much time in high school planning the next step, but when I’m with you I live in the moment. I stop worrying.”

Jan didn’t say anything, so Jackie continued. “I know that we had a rocky start, and every day I regret that. I just want you to know that I’m ready.”

Jan looked up at Jackie. “Ready for what?”

Jackie was fairly certain that Jan knew exactly what Jackie meant. “Jan. I’m asking you to be my girlfriend.”

Jan remained silent.

“Jan?”

“Shh…” Jan closed her eyes and raised her hand in front of Jackie’s face.

Jackie raised an eyebrow. “Did you just shush me?”

“I want to remember this.”

“Remember… what?”

“I want to remember the second I became your girlfriend,” Jan said smiling.

“God, you’re dramatic, honey,” Jackie said rolling her eyes.

“You love it,” Jan teased.

The next day at work, Gigi couldn’t focus on anything. She desperately wanted for her shift to be over so that things could be right again.

Luckily for her, the park was busy since it was a weekend, and it had rained all day, so guests were taking shelter in the store which kept her busy. Gigi couldn’t sell overpriced plastic ponchos fast enough. She was so focused on meeting Crystal that a woman yelling at her for how cheaply made the ponchos were didn’t even register.

When it was time for Gigi to clock out, she couldn’t run fast enough. Quickly, she changed into whatever t-shirt and shorts she had in her work bag before making her way to The Boardwalk.

Gigi was surprised that she beat Crystal there, considering Crystal worked right next to the Ferris wheel. She tried to not think about it too much as she took a seat on a nearby bench. To pass the time, she anxiously bounced her knee up and down as she scrolled through social media. After what seemed like hours, she finally saw Crystal approach her.

Since it had just stopped raining and the outdoor rides had just started running again, there was no wait. As they stepped on the platform, Crystal said, “After you, my love.”

Gigi took a deep breath as she sat on the damp cabin of the Ferris wheel. Before Gigi could even fully sit down, words poured out of Crystal’s mouth so quickly she barely understood what she was saying.

“Gigi, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your shoes… I know they were your favorite. I’m so embarrassed.”

“They’re just a pair of shoes, Crystal. Don’t worry about it.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Also, I’m really sorry that people are giving you such a hard time about it. Don’t listen to Dahlia or her little clique. They think they’re hot shit but everyone in Sales hates them. Even Jan won’t talk to them.”

“Damn. They must be bad considering that Jan would talk to a wall… Anyway, thanks Gigi. I’ll try. I don’t know what their problem is.”

Gigi shrugged and repeated, “Like I said, they think they’re hot shit.”

The two girls sat in an awkward silence as Gigi tapped her fingers against her thigh. Gigi hoped to God that Crystal would speak up before she did.

“About National Roller Coaster Day…” Crystal began. “Me going with Widow and Heidi instead of you guys wasn’t because I wanted to hurt your guys’ feelings or didn’t want to hang out with you. I miss you guys a lot. Anyway, I legitimately had no plans of going because Ryan was being needy. But, Widow showed up on my doorstep sobbing since her boyfriend broke up with her. I asked if going to the after-hours thing would cheer her up and she said it would. I made up some dumb excuse to Ryan and went with Widow and met up with Heidi. I was thinking about texting Jan that but I felt like it’d be weird to text her that, and I figured we wouldn’t run into each other, anyway.”

“And then we did.”

“And then we did,” Crystal sighed. “Gigi, please know there was no malicious intent with that one. I miss spending time with you.”

Gigi also sighed. “I miss our car rides.”

“No one else I know will listen to me sing One Direction the way you do.”

“I miss your coffee-making abilities,” Gigi admitted.

“We had some great times earlier in the season. But I had to go and ruin it. All of it.” Gigi didn’t say anything and let Crystal continue. “I should have never used any of what you told me against you. I don’t know why I did it.”

“You were pissed and said whatever came into your mind.”

Crystal sighed. “It’s still no excuse. I said some awful shit.”

“You did. I probably shouldn’t have insulted your boyfriend,” Gigi admitted.

Crystal sighed as tears formed in her eyes. “It’s… complicated.”

“I can’t even imagine,” Gigi said sympathetically as she looked at Crystal’s arm that had a bruise identical to the one Gigi found. “I know that you didn’t mean it. We all say stupid shit when we’re upset about stuff. Crystal, you don’t have a mean bone in your body. I hate seeing you this sad.”

“I feel like I’m such a bad person,” Crystal said, wiping her eyes.

“My mom told me this a while ago and it stuck. Crystal, bad people don’t think they’re bad people, and they sure as hell don’t try to become better people.”

“Your mom’s a smart lady.”

“She’s been through hell and back, that’s for sure.”

As the conversation dipped into another lull, the Ferris wheel reached the top. Admiring the cotton candy sky, Gigi thought long and hard about what she wanted to say next. She decided if she and Crystal were going to make their friendship work, everything had to be on the table.

Well, maybe not everything. Crystal didn’t have to know she was in love with her. But, Gigi figured Crystal should at least know the part of her she was hiding.

Slowly, the Ferris wheel reached the platform, and before Gigi could speak up, Crystal stepped out and held out her hand to help Gigi get out.

Shit.

[multimetaverse]

HSMTMTS 1x05 Review

Homecoming was a historic ep that was a giant leap forwards for rep on Disney and an overall delightful ep. Let’s dig in!

I was blown away by Seblos this ep, I never expected Disney to go this far this soon but what great scenes we got. It was so refreshing to see Carlos and Seb acting like normal teens, just like any straight couple. They have good chemistry and Frankie played Carlos’ nerves when asking Seb to the dance perfectly and his celebration after Seb said yes. I liked when Seb mentioned that homecoming would mean dancing together in front of all the non theatre kids, a little reminder of how much of a safe space the theatre can be. Really powerful to see Carlos tell Mr. Mazzara that he thought he made a mistake asking him to dance with him publicly and to see Carlos be brave enough to go dance on his own. And then when Seb arrived we got the shot we see in every teen movie where the love interest arrives at the big dance and sees the main character and smiles, it’s amazing that we saw that with two guys on a Disney show. Also impressive that Seb apologizing to Carlos was done in just one take as Tim revealed on instagram

Tim Federle has done an amazing job so far and good for him for going right into text. He’s said in interviews that no one from Disney ever asked him to cut any scenes or shy away from certain topics, which doesn’t mean much since he’d be saying that regardless of how much he was being censored, but we can see with our own eyes that he really is telling the truth. Now I do want more development for Carlos and Seb as characters as well as Seblos as a ship and I do think we’ll get that especially since Joe Serafini has been promoted to a series regular for S2, which is a very good sign that Disney is all in with Tim Federle’s plans. What an exciting time, there will soon be two main gay characters on a Disney show played by openly gay actors on a show created by an openly gay man. Tim has spoken of how Disney + is in some ways an open frontier and that he’s willing to take big jumps and I can’t wait to see what the rest of S1 and S2 has in store for us

Things have changed a lot since the High School Musical movies came out. It’s well known that Ryan was meant to be gay even though he could never actually be gay. Lucas Grabeel has spoken of how Kenny Ortega told him that Ryan was a lot like his High School self. In an interview with EW, Tim Federle was asked about the censorship of Ryan’s character and he noted that he wasn’t there for the movies and doesn’t view what he’s now doing on HSMTMTS as making up for anything that the original movies weren’t able to do. Which is fair but regardless in some ways tonight's ep does make up for the censorship of the movies

While reading an article on HSMTMTS I came upon a link to a story from October 2008 about Ryan and how he was clearly being coded as gay that featured some revealing quotes from Gary Marsh, from an interview conducted in summer 2008:

Regarding the fact that there are boyfriend-girlfriend relationships in the HSM movies, Marsh interjected, “Yeah, but that’s not about sex,” as though having two boyfriends equals full-tilt boogie. And as to why there can be boyfriend and girlfriends but not two boyfriends, he could only note, “It’s just not something that we’ve ever had the opportunity to portray. It hasn’t been a place we’ve gone.”

If someone, like Gary Marsh, believes that lgbtq relationships are inherently sexual then that means they don’t believe they’re appropriate for children. It’s no surprise then that it wouldn’t be until 2014 that Disney Channel had two lesbian moms appear on Good Luck Charlie and it wouldn’t be until 2017 that Cyrus came out to Buffy. Clearly Gary has for whatever reasons evolved in his views or there wouldn’t have been any rep on Disney Channel in the past 11 years nor do I think that he would make a comment like that publicly today but he probably does still believe that to an extent and I’d imagine other senior Disney executives do as well

 A few things are helping Disney + push boundaries, being more of a PG than a G rated service, not being exclusively targeted towards children, and being a curated service so parents can easily avoid showing their kids shows with lgbtq rep. And perhaps most importantly, the cold hard reality that if Disney + is to become financially viable then it has to appeal to a broad audience and provide the same quality or better than people could find on Netflix or other streaming services so the kind of censorship we see on Disney Channel just can’t fly

There’s been a lot of discourse regarding Seblos and Tyrus and HSMTMTS and Andi Mack and I’ll take the time to say my piece now. It’s not entirely fair to compare the ships and shows since they’re taking place under very different circumstances. Tyrus was a heavily censored ship that was only given permission to canon when the series finale was written whereas Seblos is already canon in the 5th ep. It’s true that TJ was written in a way to subvert gay stereotypes which was important but it’s also true that for most of the audience they didn’t know that he was gay until the bench scene itself so there wasn’t that much trope subversion going on. And who knows how he would have been written if they were actually allowed to have him be openly gay before the series finale

Carlos and Seb may fall into some stereotypes but Tim Federle has spoken of how when he was in High School he would have loved to play a character like Sharpay but wouldn’t have had the confidence to do so and he wrote Seb wanting to play a female role with his own past experiences in mind. He’s also spoken about how Carlos was based off of a close friend of his and he put some of himself into Carlos as well with Carlos telling Mr. Mazzara that he was meant to be on Broadway being something Tim told one of his own teachers in High School. Frankie and Joe have talked about how they see a lot of their own experiences in Carlos and Seb as characters and in Seblos as a relationship. Tim has spoken a lot about how important authenticity is to him and while Carlos and Seb may be stereotypical to some people it shouldn’t be discounted that others can see their lived experiences in those characters

For Andi Mack it’s important to separate Cyrus’ story from the Tyrus story line. It’s unlikely HSMTMTS could have pulled off Cyrus’ coming out story line, the shows are just too different. We’re almost certainly not going to see a One in a Minyan style ep on HSMTMTS but would we have seen such an ep on Andi Mack if they didn’t need to pack all of Cyrus’ S3 story line into one ep? We also can’t forget that 3x11 was written shortly after the cancellation and it was written as a potential end to the gay story line since they didn’t know until months later if they could go with canon Tyrus or not. Even with the limits it faced Andi Mack did a great job with Cyrus’ coming out story line and I think eps like 2x01 and 2x13 and 3x11 will be fondly remembered and will stand the test of time

When it comes to Tyrus though it’s fair to say that the bench scene was a historic and important moment but also an underwhelming one. Andi Mack didn’t live up to the promise that Cyrus was no different but it was never going to be able to with Disney’s restrictions, they were willing to focus on Cyrus as a gay character but not Cyrus as an actively gay character. One thing that will make Seblos go down a lot better than Tyrus is that we aren’t going to see Carlos bearding himself like Cyrus did. It won’t age well at all that Cyrus got to go on dates with Iris and kiss her twice and refer to her as a his girlfriend and even come up with a mashup name for them but Terri probably would have done things very differently if she had known that all Cyrus would be able to do with a boy was hold hands in the series finale. We can also tell that HSMTMTS won’t be facing an increase in censorship later on since Seb will be a main in S2 whereas Disney cracked down hard after S2 for Andi Mack, probably because the story was shifting from Cyrus having a hopeless crush on a straight guy to a reciprocated crush on a gay guy

Since Seblos is textual from the start it will be much easier to write and also much easier to fix things when the writers inevitably make mistakes. I think a lot of the defensiveness coming from certain corners of the Andi Mack fandom is because deep down people know that the bench scene wasn’t enough pay off for the long dragged out Tyrus no burn we got; especially with all of the drama and angst they had. Development is important but it doesn’t take two thirds of the series to set up a silent handhold. I think it’s very unlikely that for HSMTMTS we’ll see the drastic decline in quality that Andi Mack had for most story lines after 3x11. The bench scene would have been better if we hadn’t gotten the worst writing of the series for TJ and Cyrus as characters that did a real disservice to them and to Tyrus as a ship in the eps before the finale. The Tyrus story line was never going to get a great ending with Disney’s restrictions but it is also true that Terri’s choices made things a lot worse than they had to be

 It’s insane that they introduced Kira as a homophobic character who was manipulating TJ but also was clearly into him; how do professional writers come up with that? It’s just not a mistake Tim Federle is going to make. Trying to do an external homophobia story line was an obviously bad idea but so was giving TJ an out of nowhere internalized homophobia plot in 3x13 and 3x15 before dropping it in 3x18. Cyrus’ coming out story line helped a lot of people because it showed the correct way for friends to react when someone comes out to you but for TJ they never did anything to help people dealing with internalized or external homophobia, the message was effectively ‘’deal with it on your own kids’’, which is sharp contrast with how openly his dyscalculia plot was handled. I don’t think HSMTMTS would be effectively able to deal with homophobia either but I think Tim probably realizes that and won’t attempt it

 There were a lot of little things Terri could have changed that would have helped. Don’t insert Kira into their plot. Don’t have Amber kiss Jonah or say she’s love him so at least she could have pointed to another character who never got to kiss a guy or talk about feelings. Put the Jandi bracelet scene in between the Muffy and Tyrus confession scenes so we don’t go straight from a Muffy kiss and handhold and verbal confession to the bench scene. And just write the bench scene better so it’s more in line with the Tyrus dynamic like how the Muffy and Jandi scenes did a good job capturing their own dynamics. Of course, we’re not going to see Seblos end so subtly so all these problems just won’t arise

Tyrus was important because it happened and may well be the only lgbtq rep we see for middle school characters played by actual teenagers for a very long time. But it’s also true that Andi Mack’s legacy will probably rest a lot more with Cyrus specifically, especially him saying the word gay, whereas HSMTMTS will be remembered more for normalizing lgbtq relationships with Seblos. I’m glad Tyrus happened but I’m also glad that Seblos will be a much smoother story line and will break boundaries for years to come. Anyways that’s my two cents

I really liked the Gina development this ep. Her doesn’t do cash line was interesting, hinting at financial problems? Moving 5 schools in 7 years is rough and I’d like to hear more about that. I’m glad that we got confirmation that she didn’t have an actual plan and was just winging it because her actions really did not make much sense. Tim Federle had said that love triangles will become love squares and it does make more sense to have Gina be into Ricky than EJ since there’s no real drama if she’s into EJ because Nini is totally over him. I do think Gina was being sincere in the scene with Ricky in the car (which Tim said was Big Red’s car that he lent Ricky and that Joshua and Sofia did that scene in just two takes). I also think that she needs Ricky as a friend not a lover and Ricky would not be happy if he ever found out that she was the one who initially stole Nini’s phone

Miss Jenn and Mike Bowen and Benjamin Mazzara love triangle? We do know that Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzara spend Thanksgiving trapped together which is obvious set up for feelings to develop. We also got Mr. Mazzara doing a 180 and being nice to Carlos this ep which seems like a ploy to get him on the audiences good side

Loved the friendship moments we got this ep. Big Red and Kourtney are great friends. Ricky taking Big Red to his first dance was sweet and I love that Big Red showed up in a old man suit jacket that looks like it was from the 70s. Ngl I thought Ricky was wearing pajama pants for most of the ep. Glad we got a glimpse into Kourtney and Nini’s past, they’ve been friends at least since the 7th grade. I hope Kourtney stands up to the mean costume designer senior

I liked seeing Nini grappling with her self confidence after finding out that she got the lead role at summer camp because EJ poisoned the original lead. She does have the talent but that kind of revelation would leave most people shook

Glad that Ricky and his dad had a honest convo this ep. It’s just the two of them now so they need to stick by each other

Ashlyn has been an unexpected delight so far, I liked that she was the only one to go and support Carlos and she was rocking that suit

Ricky’s office stare after Gina dumped punch on EJ’s head was too funny

Born to be brave was a great song and the choreography blew me away, such a talented cast and crew they have

All of the costumes looked great this ep, kudos to the costume designers 

RIP Seb’s cow

Looking Ahead:

Miss Jenn faces her tribunal, I’m curious to see how much she faked on her resume

We get photos of Seb comforting Carlos which I think comes after he finds out that Miss Jenn is suspended. In the medley trailer there was a clip of Carlos hugging Miss Jenn at a coffee shop so maybe that’s next ep since there’s no need to meet at a coffee shop if she’s not suspended

The cast has talked about how we the audience we’ll be going back and forth on team Ricky vs team EJ all season long which at this point seems like a lie. I’m sure EJ’s redemption arc starts soon and if he’s still going to panic attacks I’d imagine that will soon be brought up but Nini is totally over him and I can’t see her being torn about her feelings for EJ in the final 5 eps of the season

With Seb being a main in S2 that will make things more difficult for the writers to juggle and I hope they are thinking about how to balance the different characters. I also wonder what the long term plan for EJ is since he’s the only senior and if S2 takes place spring semester of his senior year then what are they gonna do with him in S3?

We know that in 1x10 breaking free has EJ, Nini, and Ricky so I wonder if EJ starts off playing Troy for whatever reason before Ricky shows up. Since Ricky thinks Nini is over him I don’t think we’ll be seeing him make a move unless he gets some kind of signal from Nini

Wonder what was up with that Sharpay’s mom credit on imdb, just some random imdb troll? If so, what a coincidence that she picked what happened to be a big Seb ep

I don’t know if this will have impact on the show going forward but this marks the point that Tim Federle took over as showrunner after original showrunner Oliver Goldsmith departed. Oliver wanted to take the show in a more mature direction but Tim disagreed and Disney sided with him over Oliver

Until next week Wildcats

[colorful-yarns-queer-stories]

Wayward Son: You’re Probably Going to Hate Me for This

A quick caveat: This post took me almost 8 months to write because Wayward Son wrecked me that thoroughly. It left me that much of a mess, reeling that hard over how very wrong it went after Carry On. This post reflects those kinds of feelings from a queer reader, so if you love the book and feel extremely positively toward it, this post is not for you. Just keep scrolling and go on to enjoy your day. Your opinion is valid. If Wayward Son left you feeling sick, betrayed, and worse than before you got it, maybe we can commiserate. If you’re teetering back and forth on whether to read it, this post offers you the worst to look at opposite the best. If you don’t want to hear it, don’t read it. It’s that easy. 

On September 24, 2019, I was practically shaking when I opened my eyes and began setting up my cozy reading nook. I requested the day off work, cleared my entire schedule, and settled in my comfiest sweater and blankets with a fully stocked tea cabinet to read what was, for me, one of the most highly anticipated book releases of the year. I pre-ordered a signed physical copy of the book, the audiobook, even got the collectible patch. I could not WAIT to sit down and read the healing story of Simon Snow’s cross-country queer road-trip with his boyfriend Baz and his best friend Penny. I was so excited to see how Simon was helped on his road to recovery from the trauma of the previous book. Rainbow had psyched us up so much to see how things would get better for our favorite Chosen One, despite how hard his journey to mental wellness might be.

Oh, reader. I was so naive.

Now, before I go into my complicated emotions about this book, I need to clarify something. This is not really a book review. This is a brief and personal  examination of how queer characters and audiences are advertised toward vs. what product/representation they receive. Because Wayward Son? As a book, it was solid. Great story, great conflict, great characters. A Very Good Book. But it wasn’t the book we were advertised.

If you are a member of the LGBT+ community, you know what it is to be queerbaited. Shows advertise as though there will be LGBT+ representation, market these stories as queer love stories or stories about queer people learning to love themselves, but in the end, those promises are never delivered upon, leaving LGBT+ audiences open to attacks from cishet fans mocking them for hoping for representation in the first place and reminding LGBT+ audiences that their stories will never be center-stage unless they are fetishes, jokes, or tragedies. (Teen Wolf, BBC Sherlock, and The Cursed Child are just a few immediate examples that spring to mind.)

Rainbow Rowell did not technically queerbait. She wrote two LGBT+ main characters! They got together at the end of the first book! She delivered, right? Mmmm, not quite. Yeah, Simon and Baz got together at the end of the first book, and it was wonderful and heartwarming and hopeful, even if it was still a little bittersweet. After all, that’s realistic right? And they are both still the main characters of the second book. They are still together. She kept her word, right? Wrong.

Rainbow Rowell marketed us a hopeful cross-country road-trip with the Chosen One’s boyfriend and best friend in pursuit of healing and recovery for Simon Snow after he was left traumatized and adrift in the wake of saving the magical world. Well, we got a road trip. He did have a boyfriend and best friend present, sort of. Healing? Hahaha no. None. Not even a little bit. We were promised recovery and hope. What we got instead was a whole lot of Queer Suffering. Literally hundreds of pages of it.

Look, part of writing solid representation is being aware of the cultural and political climate in which you are writing. After the 2016 U.S. election, the LGBT+ and POC communities came under massive fire from the U.S. President, the federal government, and all of the devoted bigots who have loudly and violently sworn themselves to the cause of rooting out and eliminating every minority present here in the States. Since 2016, minority communities have done nothing but suffer under attack after attack over and over and over again. If you look at the majority of books published for LGBT+ audiences since 2016, you will notice that most of them are geared toward messages of healing, of hope, of strength in the face of adversity, because that is what we need given the reality of our existence right now. We need strength, we need hope, we need healing. We exist under a constant barrage of hate and vitriol and violence, and the number of hate crimes being committed against minority communities have risen consistently through the entirety of this Presidential term. So when we are marketed a book about hope and healing, by god we are putting faith in you to deliver on that promise, that commitment you are making to us as a community. We are trusting you, giving you our money, our time, our emotional commitment.

Wayward Son did not deliver on those promises of healing and hope and recovery. Nothing positive happened to any of the characters in the book. Nothing. What hope? What healing? What love? You made Simon and Baz essentially strangers planning their breakup from chapter one, not to mention their individual suffering you attached to their own identities (Simon as ex-Chosen One, Baz as a vampire). You made Penelope Bunce lose her partner of several years. You forced Agatha Wellbelove into a traumatic kidnapping specifically imitating and amplifying her brand of trauma from the end of Carry On. Every single character in your book was a minority (LGBT+, POC, QPOC, women), and every single one was forced to suffer even greater trauma this time with no reprieve or recovery from their previous experiences. YOU MARKETED THE BOOK WITH A FU**ING PRIDE PATCH ONLY TO HAVE YOUR QUEER CHARACTERS PLANNING THEIR BREAK UP FROM CHAPTER ONE. WHAT ABOUT THAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE PROUD OF? Did you even take the time to become aware of the big tropes aimed at queer characters by straight authors? Of either burying your gays or making them end up apart? Of why it’s wrong to use your female characters constantly as damsels in distress (I thought you wanted Agatha to be the opposite of that, but here she is being the damsel in distress AGAIN)? Rainbow, YOU were the one who wrote Agatha hating her part in the Chosen One BS. You wrote her hating danger and magic and you wrote her escape only to reel her right back in? Wayward Son felt like Rainbow Rowell hitting the “Undo” button on all of the positive rep she gave us in the last book and replacing it with loads of misery just because cynicism is “In.”

If someone asked me to recommend a YA fantasy for their teen with solid queer rep, a diverse cast, and healthy messages, I absolutely would have had no problem recommending Carry On. I have, in fact, put it into the hands of LGBTQIA+ teens on multiple occasions. I could not, however, recommend Wayward Son. This book was the antithesis to Carry On and destroyed everything I loved about the original. Was Wayward Son, from a literary standpoint, a good book? Absolutely. But I cannot in good conscience recommend it to any LGBT+ readers, especially given the current political and social climate in which we live. Maybe the third installment will be a fix-it. Maybe things will get better. As for me, though, my faith in this author’s representation of minority characters was broken with Wayward Son.

What kills me about it, though… the thing that really just tears me up inside… is that if she had marketed it to us as, “Lol you’re all going to suffer, this book is totally going to hurt,” I would have been okay with it. I love TJ Klune’s books, but they tear your beating heart out of your chest and then feed it back to you by hand. His books hurt. The difference between him and Rainbow Rowell, though, is that he advertises them that way. When he writes something painful, he markets it as painful. When he writes something soft, he markets it as soft. We know we can trust him because he makes realistic promises and then delivers on them. Rainbow did the exact opposite, promising us recovery and giving us nothing but several hundred pages of pain for literally every single character involved. How are we supposed to trust you now? Honestly, for my part, now I know I can’t.

I’m sorry if this is upsetting. I know lots of people (if they ever see this) are gonna be VERY, VERY angry with me for writing it and for feeling this way. But this is my honest take on Wayward Son: the entire book is one giant trigger, and I think that, until there is anything at all positive to offer in its place, that it’s better for LGBT+ and other minority readers to avoid this one. Maybe wait until the next book or stop after Carry On. If you are a member of a minority group and struggle hard with mental health issues, this might be one to avoid for now.

[martinnecas]

Quick Guide | Carolina Hurricanes: Meet The Team - Opening Night 2019-20

New season means a new quick guide to the roster 

2018-19 season

This took me a couple of days to put together so please appreciate it

Want to know how to pronounce a players name? 

Click this link!

*All gifs made by me* 

Forwards: 

☞ Sebastian Aho™️ #20

Yes there is another “Sebastian Aho” from Sweden but he’s usually in the AHL (Bridgeport/Islanders)

Born: July 26, 1997 (22 years old/Leo) from Rauma, Finland

6′0, Centre, 35th overall CAR 2015

Nicknames: Fishy, Seabass, Sepe, Sebu

He’s the face of this franchise and the only player on this team that the Canadian media knows about

Is being held against his will in Raleigh because he wants to play for Montreal if you don’t know the actual story MTL sent him an offer sheet that he signed because he wanted the money and knew Carolina could pay it, but you know how Habs twitter can be.

Possibly the messiest Hurricane 

Who’s my daddy?! 

Spirit animal is a lion, hear him roar

Avid coffee drinker

Baby face

Painted a picture of his cat one time

☞ Ryan Dzingel #18 

Born: March 9, 1992 (27 years old/Pisces) from Wheaton, Illinois

6′0, Centre, 204th overall OTT 2011

Nicknames: Zinger, Dizzy, Dzingel Bells, D-pingel

Played with the Ohio State Buckeyes for 3 seasons, recorded the first hat trick in Big Ten history against Xichigan

Traded to CBJ Feb ‘19, signed with CAR as a free agent summer ‘19 

Might need glasses, he squints like that ^ a lot 

Golfs... A L O T 

Wants to produce for the team so he can stay here in Raleigh and make it his home ♥︎

Jeep guy 

Looks uncomfortably similar to Tripp Tracy 

UNC fan 

☞ Warren Foegele #13

Born: April 1, 1996 (23 years old/Aries) from Markham, Ontario 

6′2, Left Wing, 67th overall CAR 2014

Nicknames: Foegs, Foegdaddy 

Best friends with Andrei Svechnikov and Dougie Hamilton

Duke fan 

Accidentally broke Osh*e’s collarbone but TJ and C*p fans will claim he tried to murder him

Spirit animal is a tiger, also hear him roar

Very easily scared 

Duke fan

☞ Erik Haula #56

Born: March 23, 1991(28 years old/Aries) from Pori, Finland

6′0, Left Wing, 181st overall 2009 MIN

Nicknames: Hauls, Haulsy  

Moved to Minnesota in 2008 to play hockey in boarding school

Played for the University Of Minnesota Gophers for 3 seasons

Signed with MIN in 2013, was picked up by the VGK in 2017 as a free agent in the Expansion Draft, then traded to CAR summer of 2019 (for Nic Roy & draft pick)

Suffered a pretty bad knee injury in the 2018-19 season 

CAKE 

Got married this past summer ♥︎

Currently living in Calvin de Haan’s old house 

☞ Jordan Martinook (A) #48

Born: July 25, 1992 (27 years old/Leo) from Brandon, Manitoba

6′0, Left Wing, 58th overall 2012 PHX

Nicknames: Marty, Marty Man, Marty Party 

Signed with PHX/ARI in 2012, traded to CAR in 2018 (for Krüger)

Raw chaotic dad energy 

Doesn’t like corndogs and has a very high pitched scream

His wife gave birth to their first son last season before he got his downstairs fixed in the offseason

LETS GO SVECH

Spirit animal is a dolphin because he has a great impression 

There is so much more I want to put on here but you should really just follow his Twitter 

☞ Brock McGinn #23

Born: February 2, 1994 (25 years old/Aquarius) from Fergus, Ontario

6′0, Left Wing, 47th overall 2012 CAR

Nicknames: Ginner, Brock McWinn, McPing, the new Mr. Game Seven (that one is kind of a joke though), Big Cock Brock 

Single handedly defeated evil not only once but twice on April 24th, 2019, earning him the nicknames “Brock McWinn” and the new “Mr. Game Seven”

Has two brothers who also play professionally; Jamie (NHL) and Tye (AHL) McGinn

Co Owner of the Roanoke Rail Road Dawgs with his brothers and father

His daddy is Bob

Has a high probability of burning his whole house down 

Used to be a fighter, but he didn’t fight anyone last season 

Thor

Was 3rd in the league with most MsS Post (10) in the 2017-18 season earning him the nickname Brock McPing 

☞ Martin Nečas #88

Born: January 15, 1999 (20 years old/Capricorn) from Nove Mesto na Morave, Czech Rebublic

6′2, 12th overall 2017 CAR, “He plays, like, Centre”

Nicknames: Neči, Marty, Nacho, Marto 

Your 2019-20 ****** ****** winner 

He’s here to fix out PP units, quote me on that

Little hockey stick chain ^ 

Is known for falling while scoring 

Is it avocado or avocaydo?

Hidden talent: Belly dancing 

Almost killed the entire team with a golf club last season  

Don’t mess with him

Just won the Calder Cup with the Checkers :) 

☞ Nino Niederreiter #21

Born: September 8, 1992 (27 years old/Virgo) from Chur, Switzerland

6′0, Right Wing, 5th overall 2010 NYI

Nicknames: El Nino

Was the highest drafted Swizz born player until Hischer in 2017 

Signed to the Islanders in 2010, traded to Minnesota in 2013, then traded to Carolina in January 2019 (for Rask)

Was about to take a nap when he was traded

Just when canes fans almost lost hope, Nino showed up and saved our season

When he came to Carolina, someone gave him sweet tea and he really liked it

Was voted best dressed by a couple teammates

Loves the surge

Supports women’s hockey

☞ Jordan Staal (C) #11

Born: September 10, 1988 (31 years ago/Virgo) from Thunder Bay, Ontario

6′4, Centre, 2nd overall 2006 PIT

Nicknames: Stallsy, Jordad, Gronk

Arrested at his brother’s bachelor party

Won the Stanley Cup with the Penguins in 2009 

Jordan is the youngest out of the other brothers (Eric, Marc) in the league (NHL) 3rd brother is the youngest and is now a coach 

Signed with PIT in 2006, traded to CAR in 2012 (for 8th overall pick, Brandon Sutter and Brian Dumoulin)

Named Captain in the 2017-18 season, became Alternative Captain in 2018-19, is now Captain again in 2019-20 

Great at dad jokes 

☞ Andrei Svechnikov #37

Born: March 26, 2000 (19 years old/Aries) from Barnaul, Russia

6′2, Right Wing, 2nd overall 2018 CAR

Nicknames: Svech, Mother Russia 

Svech is ready

“Just win every game” 

Wears #37 because that’s what his brother, Evgeny Svechnikov (DET), wears

Russia = Cold, Raleigh = Hot

Apparently his biggest talent outside of hockey is… magic? 

Best friends with Warren Foegele and Dougie Hamilton

Likes to shovel the ice during practice 

Me?

Terrible at golf..

.. I mean like really bad  

☞ Teuvo Teräväinen #86

Born: September 11, 1994 (25 years old/Virgo) from Helsinki, Finland

5′11, Left Wing, 18th overall 2012 CHI 

Nicknames: Turbo, Teukka

Shortest Hurricane 

Began with CHI in 2014, traded to CAR in 2016 (along with Bickell for 2nd round pick)

Won the cup with CHI in 2015 (Along with van Riemsdyk)

Has the worst sense of smell ever

I mean come on.. pumpkin? toothpaste? 

I could keep going with this I don't know what’s wrong with his nose

Most likely the messiest Hurricane 

Would dump Sebastian on the side of the road after 100km 

Gets scared REALLY easily

His sisters plays hockey over in Finland (and is pretty good at it too) 

☞ Lucas Wallmark #71

Born: September 5, 1995 (24 years old/Virgo) from Umea, Sweden

6′0, Centre, 97th overall 2014 CAR

Nicknames: Wally

My daddy!?

His spirit animal is… a horse? 

^ He enjoys watching horse racing

*Straight face* “Snacks!? Candy!?” 

Deal with it

Showed up to a U12 and U18 team practice to work on skills with kids 

Owns a pug named Lovis

Defense 

☞ Joel Edmundson #6

Born: June 28, 1993 (26 years old/Cancer) Brandon, Manitoba

6′4, 46th overall 2011 STL

Nicknames: Crop Top King, Eddy

Won the cup in 2019 with STL and partied in a crop top 

True Canadian, ate poutine out of the cup

Traded in September 2019 to CAR (along with Bokk for Faulk and draft pick)

Going to strengthen our PK I promise 

Finally, an enforcer 

Forgot to take his skate guards off during his CAR preseason debut in front of 18,000 people 

Is a barbie girl, living in a barbie world 

☞ Haydn Fleury #4

Born: July 8, 1996 (23 years old/Cancer) from Carlyle, Saskatchewan 

6′3, 7th overall 2014 CAR

Nicknames: Fleurs 

Beat his little brother Cale (MTL) during his NHL debut 

Best friends with Trevor van Riemsdyk

Has the cutest dog named Kobe

Won the Calder Cup along with Nečas :)

If you want to giggle watch this 

Has the worst witch cackle you will ever hear 

Apparently the best golfer on the team

Big Duke fan

☞ Jake Gardiner #51

Born: July 4, 1990 (29 years old/Cancer) from Minnetonka, Minnesota 

6′2, 17th overall 2008 ANA

Nicknames: Gards 

Played for the University of Wisconsin for 3 seasons 

Traded to TOR in 2011, signed as a free agent to CAR in summer 2019

Has the cutest baby 

Denied several offers from other teams mtl to play with us instead 

Hands down had the best Halloween costume two years ago

☞ Dougie Hamilton #19

Born: June 17, 1993 (26 years old/Gemini) from Toronto, Ontario

6′6, 9th overall 2011 BOS

Nicknames: D-Ham, Doug the Thug, well his real name is Douglas so I guess Dougie is technically a nickname

Tallest Hurricane 

Both of his parents are Olympians, brother also plays professional hockey 

Started with BOS in 2012, traded to CGY in 2015, then traded to CAR in 2018 (Last remaining player from the huge Hamilton, Ferland & Fox for Lindholm and Hanifin trade)

Best friends with Andrei Svechnikov and Warren Foegele 

Porche guy 

Grew out a mullet because his hair salon couldn’t take him as a walk in

Jack Edwards complained that he was wearing a number retired from the Whalers so he taped a 6 over the 1 in 19 to make 69

Goes to children's hospitals dressed as woman characters 

Lowkey shootout king

Floss

Another Duke fan

Wears the same blazer to every road game

☞ Brett Pesce #22

Born: November 15, 1994 (24 years old/Scorpio) from Tarrytown, New York

6′3, 66th overall 2013 CAR

Nicknames: Pesh 

“I play defense bro”

Played for the University of New Hampshire for 3 seasons (2 of those seasons with van Riemsdyk)

Pretty ^

Wears 22 for his dad 

He’ll break your ankles

Fortnite squad

Brought his wonderful brother on the mentors trip

Allergic to cats

☞ Jaccob Slavin (A) #74

Born: May 1, 1994 (25 years old/Taurus) from Denver, Colorado

6′3, 120th overall 2012 CAR

Nicknames: Slav-o

The second ‘c’ stands for captain

Faith and family

Played for Colorado College for two seasons 

Adopted a beautiful baby girl with his beautiful wife

Has an instagram for his two dogs

His daddy is “Robert” 

Not afraid of snakes at all 

☞ Trevor van Riemsdyk #57

Born: July 24, 1991 (28 years old/Leo) from Middletown, New Jersey

6′2, Undrafted 

Nicknames: TVR, Riems

Agreed to terms with CHI in 2014 

Won the cup with CHI in 2015 (along with Teräväinen)

Was picked up by the VGK in the 2017 expansion draft 

The next day traded to CAR (for 2nd round pick)

James van Riemsdyk (PHI) is his older brother 

Played with the University of New Hampshire for 3 seasons (2 of those seasons with Pesce) 

He’s too tired to be scared 

March Madness

Best friends with Haydn Fleury 

Pride representative for the team 

Goalies 

☞ Petr Mrázek #34

Born: February 14, 1992 (27 years old/Aquarius) from Ostrava, Czech Republic

6′1, 141st overall 2010 DET

Nicknames: Mrazzle Dazzle, St. Petr

Moved to Ottawa at age 17 

Signed with DET in 2014

Was HUGE for them during the 2015 playoff run

Traded to PHI in Feb ‘18, signed as a free agent with CAR in July ‘18

Stylish 

He had custom hats made for every player on the team

Always has Peter Griffin in his helmet design 

Signature move: Poke Check  

☞ James Reimer #47

Born: March 15, 1988 (31 years old/Pisces) from Morweena, Manitoba

6′2, 99th overall 2006 TOR

Nicknames: Optimus Reim, The Statue, Reims

Debuted with TOR in 2010, traded to SJS Feb ‘16

Signed with FLA as a free agent summer ‘16, traded to CAR summer ‘19 (for Darling and a 2020 6th round pick)

Has two kids 

Really good swimmer

You may recognize this famous goalie meme, that’s right, that's him

Optimus Reim helmet art

He looks so much like Weston from Love Island USA 

Honorable Mention

☞ Julien Gauthier #44

I’m including him because everyone expected him to make the team as he did phenomenal in the preseason (playing all 6 games) but due to cap space (and our horrid pp units), he was sent back down.

Born: October 15, 1997 (turning 22/Libra) from Pointe-aux-Trembles, Quebec

6′4, Right Wing, 21st overall 2016 CAR

Nicknames: Goat, Gauths, Jules

Big boy

Bilingual (French/English)

Cute accent

His uncle played 554 games in the NHL (Denis Gauthier) 

Both his father and grandfather were professional bodybuilders

That explains his muscles

The best thighs in the league (not up for debate) 

Also won the Calder Cup this past season with Haydn Fleury and Martin Nečas

Head Coach

☞ Rod Brind’Amour #17

Roderick Jean Brind’Amour

Born: August 9, 1970 (age 49 years/Leo) from Ottawa, Canada

6′1, Centre, 9th overall 1988 STL

Nicknames: Rod the Bod, RBA 

Played with Michigan State for one season

Started with STL in the playoffs of ‘88, traded to PHI in ‘91, traded to CAR in 2000

Captain of the 2006 CAR Stanley Cup winning team

Played 20 seasons, 1,484(GP) 452(G) 732(A) 1,184(P)

Became head coach for the 2018-19 season

First year as HC broke the team’s 9 year playoff drought and brought them all the way to the ECF

Is known for his extreme workouts

Still in better shape than 98% of the league

Could very well still lace up and play better than 80% of the league 

Lives rent free in W*lson’s and Reirden’s heads

Gives the best post-game speeches

President & General Manager

☞ Don Waddell

I really just wanted an excuse to put this gif in here 

Coached the 1998 DET Stanley Cup winning team 

Named Pres. & GM of CAR in May ‘18

Owner

☞ Tom Dundon 

Lives rent free is Habs fans minds

Estimated net worth is $1.1 billion?

Majority owner of TopGolf (55%)

Chairman of the Alliance of American Football

Purchased 52% of CAR in January 2018 for $420million

Likes to hang around team/fan events 

Stays in the same hotel as me lol