#to create simple but powerful boards that can capture the feelings of characters so well

[astearisms]

fionna and cake drawings before and after watching the episodes so far. it’s nostalgic and somehow cathartic and poignant and relatable and—it just started

[nohoney]

Eyes lit

notes: Artist Keigo is something I did not know I needed until I made my own dumb paintings lol. Title credit from Crimewave by Crystal Castles 

characters: Hawks/Keigo Takami

warnings: 18+, artist!Hawks, drug use, minor choking

summary:

You see swirls of purples and greens forming spirals that you’ve never thought of before, dancing like glitter being blown in the wind and then suddenly you see white. You’re thinking in tones of purples and pinks, they pulse and shine against a wall of white and now you’re thinking of Valentine’s day.

The blanket is pulled from over your head and you look up into golden honey eyes, they look even brighter and you swear that they glow as you look up into them. “You having fun under there babe?”

I’m not an artist, I don’t know how to paint. You told him, intimidated initially when you walked into his apartment and saw a box of paints along with two small easels. The only painting you’ve done was just with your fingers back in elementary school when you were a child, how were you supposed to paint alongside someone who’s a fucking art major who’s got a whole portfolio to backup his experience? But Keigo eased your worries, told you that there’s no need to be intimidated at all.

“You don’t have to worry at all about being good or anything like that dove. The trip will tell you what to paint.”

“It’s gonna look like shit when the trip is over Keigo.”

“Don’t say that dove, art is subjective. Trust me, when you’re on you won’t care as much.” He touches the small of your back and leads you towards the dinner table, “And besides, you might really like what you make in the end.”

“I don’t know what I want to paint.”

“The trip will tell you what to paint, you’ll see.”

Keigo has you sit down to eat first, just takeout pizza from a nearby restaurant along with some breadsticks. Barbecue chicken with a side of ranch, he doesn’t like pepperoni pizza at all. His first choice was fried chicken or wings but that’s damn near what you eat with him almost all the time so this is his compromise. He’s got a little basket of snacks and candy on his kitchen countertop, prepared ahead of time for tonight along with a plastic container of red and green grapes already washed.

“I don’t like grapes Keigo.”

“Trust me, you’ll be grateful to those grapes when you’re on dove.”

He brought out a plastic baggie from his fridge and set out the contents of it onto a wooden chopping board, watching as he broke up the small pieces carefully with a knife. You heard that acid comes in forms of little blotter paper or that people put a drop of it into sugar cubes and dissolve it in water to micro dose someone. Keigo cuts two pieces of what look like little window panes, very small fragments and when you inspect them closer, it almost looks as if there’s little gold flakes inside the gelatin.

“When will I know it’s kicking in?” you ask him, looking down at the tiny piece that sits in the palm of your hand. Such a small little thing that’s apparently a strong hallucinogenic, Keigo’s told you before that he’s felt his sensations cross over like hearing colors or seeing sounds. You had no idea what he spoke of but the best way to find out is to give it a try. “How long will it take?”

Keigo’s fixing up the easels in front of the couch, has blankets ready and is putting a video playlist up on his television. “Depends on the person but most of the time it tends to kick in after half an hour or so. You’ll know when you’re on, you’ll see it.” he explains.

You look around Keigo’s apartment, paintings he made himself hung up on the walls of his home. Most of his paintings were done sober but he’s got a few framed up that he’s particularly proud of that he made when he went on acid trips. He’s already such an amazing artist, certain pictures on his walls capturing your attention and invoking particular emotions from you. You’ve seen Keigo color match your sweater in just a mere manner of seconds, sampling little bits of paints and combining them until the hues matched exactly what you were wearing. And there’s you, just a mere amateur when it came to the arts. But Keigo assures you again that it’s not about making something ‘good’, it’s just there for you to have fun with it. He’s got canvases of all shapes and sizes for you to work with and that even though he’ll be on too, he’s definitely going to take care of you for your first trip.

You trust Keigo, it’s just the canvases and the paints that make you nervous.

He stands in front of you, smiling gently before leaning down to kiss you. His lips are soft, just a hint of vanilla you taste off his mouth because you let him borrow your chapstick earlier, and it’s so tender the way he holds your cheek in his hand that your heart flutters in your chest and butterflies tickle the inside of your tummy. You feel a little flustered when he pulls back, blonde hair swept back stylishly and a lazy grin on his face as he holds his own tab in between his fingertips.

“Cheers!”

The little tab goes underneath your tongue and you’re just supposed to wait for it to dissolve.

So Keigo puts on the playlist and the two of you talk for a little bit before moving to the art stations. “Choose whatever colors you want dove, choose the colors that you think will speak to you.”

You squeeze certain colors you think you want to work with into your little plastic palette, making sure to shake the bottles first and filling all the little spaces that’s meant to hold the paint. Keigo easily chooses the paints he knows he’s going to work with to start himself off and sets himself in front of his easel. He wears a simple red hoodie and gray sweats, comfortable loungewear for the next few hours and you’d be lying if you said that you didn’t notice the print of his cock sometimes when he swiveled his hips a certain way. You wear pajamas pants and one of your soft sweaters, a gentle shade of lilac, perfect for keeping you warm on this rainy night.

You know you’ll be exhausted by the end of it, deciding to take acid for the first time overnight but at least you’ll have the next two days to recover.

And you’ll have Keigo as well.

He makes easy conversation with you, talking about how his week was and in turn asking how yours was. You look down at the paints in your palette as you talk back and forth with him, forcing yourself to not wonder how much time has passed. Your phone is by the kitchen table, placed face down so that you don’t obsess over the time so you try to measure the amount of time has passed based on the time of the videos playing on the television. Yet you start to care less about the time as you actually start to get caught up in the paints in front of you, experimenting and pleasantly surprised with how you came up with such a pretty violet color. You point it out to Keigo, stupidly excited over it but he smiles and agrees with you. “Such a pretty color dove, but not as pretty as you.”

His words make the butterflies flutter in your stomach again but you say nothing, turning back to your canvas and picking up a brush. For a few minutes you just stare back and forth between the paint and the white canvas, wondering how you should start off. Keigo obviously sees you concentrating too hard and reminds you, “Don’t think about it too hard, just paint and see what happens.”

Okay... so in other words, just do it.

So you take a deep breath, dip your brush in the paint, and make a single stripe at the very top edge of the canvas.

“See? Not so scary.”

“Y-Yeah, it’s not!” You squeak out, still embarrassed but a little less intimidated now that you actually started it. You’re not exactly sure what you’ll do with it but there’s no harm in just winging it.

Hm... wings...

You glance over to Keigo, one of his sleeves rolled up and his tattoo visible on his forearm. It’s a detailed wing on his forearm inked in only black, the very tip of it extended towards his elbow and he’s got a matching one on his other forearm as well. You remember the first time you saw them and how Keigo let you run your fingers over his tattoo, watching in amusement over how fascinated you were.

Back to your canvas, you see the sheen of the fresh paint on the white canvas and decide to add more to it. Maybe you’ll get inspired the more you add to it, thinking what colors compliment violet and what exactly you could create. Over the next few minutes you just continue painting the violet further onto the surface of the canvas, looking down briefly at the black paint that’s also in your palette and wonder if you could try painting a mountain. You recall plenty of times looking up at the sky when you were done hiking and just in awe of the colors of the sunset, hues of purples and reds and orange that invoked a certain feeling in your chest.

A sunset... a sunset!

Easy enough yeah?

You just have to add red, orange, yellow, probably a touch of blue... some clouds would be nice too.

So you spread more of the purple across the canvas, concentrating hard at first before realizing something. “Keigo?”

“Yes dove?”

“I think my painting is breathing.”

Keigo laughs from his side and you feel his hand ruffle your hair affectionately.

You look hard at your canvas and swear that you can see the paint inhale and exhale, the veins of the paint pulse in the painting. Wait... veins? You don’t remember painting anything like that, all you did was just cover part of the canvas to get you started. The longer you stare at the canvas, you swear that you can see the paint drip down slightly, the canvas inflating and deflating, and hidden designs on the untouched parts of the white canvas.

The acid had finally hit.

“Keigo... I think I’m on.” you say as you dip your brush into the water cup to wash off the violet, this time into the yellow paint and haphazardly brushing it onto the canvas before switching over to the bright red without washing off the yellow. You think how powerful the color red is, how strong and overpowering it is on the canvas and you tell Keigo, “I think you’d look gorgeous with red wings Keigo.”

Keigo is concentrated on his own canvas but he does glance over to you and smiles how you’re suddenly so into painting when you were so reluctant at first when you walked into his studio. He watches you blend the red into the yellow, wondering what exactly is inspiring you and what your finished product will be. “Ah how interesting dove, you comparing me to an angel?”

“Angel wings are white, I said your wings would be red.”

“Why red?”

You shrug your shoulders as you brush some blue onto the violet on the top of the canvas, blending the blue and violet together. “I don’t know, just suits you a lot... I wore wings last year, I was an angel last year for Halloween.”

“You dressed like an angel last year for Halloween, you certainly didn’t act like one.”

Suddenly the memory of last year’s Halloween comes rushing to the front of your memory and you begin to giggle, needing to set your brush down and have your little giggle fit; he was very right, drunk shenanigans in your angelic costume while holding White Russians with your friends surfacing to your mind. You don’t know why you’re so amused but you are, leaning back against the couch and curling yourself into a ball. You pull the blanket over your shoulders, pulling the bottom corners into your lap and you look down in awe. You swear that even though you’re sitting still, the blanket looks like it’s pulsing as well and you can see the small fibers of it sticking out from the surface. You can’t help but pick at one and hold it in between your fingertips, staring for a few seconds before releasing it.

Moving to lie on your side, you press your cheek into the couch cushion and stare at the painting you just started. It looks weird right now, purple on top with yellow and red in the middle but you’re determined that you’re going to paint that sunset!

You look over towards Keigo, seeing that he started off his canvas a golden yellow at first and is brushing a crimson red on top of it as well. It sort of reminds you of fire and you wonder what he’s seeing. You pull the blanket over your head, sheltering you from the bright lights of the room and you stare at your own hands right in front of your face. Every line and wrinkle is moving, like they’re switching places on you and you ‘ooh’ quietly. When you shut your eyes, it’s not a straight darkness you see like when you close your eyes and go to bed. You see swirls of purples and greens forming spirals that you’ve never thought of before, dancing like glitter being blown in the wind and then suddenly you see white. You’re thinking in tones of purples and pinks, they pulse and shine against a wall of white and now you’re thinking of Valentine’s day.

The blanket is pulled from over your head and you look up into golden honey eyes, they look even brighter and you swear that they glow as you look up into them. “You having fun under there babe?” Keigo asks you, clearly amused to have looked back and saw you as just a lump under his blanket. “Yeah, looks like you’re having fun.”

“Hehehe... yeah.” you smile up at him, pushing some of your hair back from your face. You look as he presents a single red grape to you, drops of water still on it to let you know that it had just been washed and while grapes weren’t your favorite fruit to eat, somehow they looked so appetizing in that moment. You open your mouth and Keigo places the fruit into your mouth, chomping down and it’s so juicy and firm and crunches so loud in your head that you moan as you chew.

Delicious, it’s delicious!

Keigo feeds you grapes every so often, whether you’re sitting in front of your canvas to continue painting, looking at the television and the visuals presented along with the music, get up to look at his other paintings that you think are whispering or waving to you, or when you decide to just stare at the tapestry he hung up in front of his balcony. You understand why tie dye is so appealing to look at now, you know for sure it’s not the wind making the tapestry move, the colors waving at you and you try to reach into the tapestry, your fingertips just barely grasping the colors in front of you.

“How long has it been Keigo?” you ask as you continue to look at the tapestry.

“It’s almost eleven, so it’s been three hours since we took it.”

Wow, three hours...

You’re not sure how the passage of time is feeling for you, everything is looking warped and you suppose that your sense of time is included in that as well.

You feel hands under your armpits and your lifted up to your feet, leaning back and touching the arms that hold you securely. The tattooed wings on Keigo’s forearm, the feathers look as if they’re rustled, they look like they need to be preened. It’s important for birds to preen their feathers so that their wings look presentable. “Okay dove, time for a bathroom break. Think you’ll need my help?”

No, you’re a big girl, of course you can go to the bathroom yourself.

Though you do have to ask Keigo to hold your hand, looking down at the floor and not trusting your own feet. It’s like you’re looking through a fish eye lens, like the floor seems so much wider and closer to you. Keigo says something to you when he drops you off at the bathroom but you don’t hear him, humming absently and you close the door. You do your business and wash your hands, using the nearby hand towel to dry off your hands and then you look up at the mirror.

You lean forward and inspect your pupils, they’re blown up and you think you can see shifting colors in your iris. You really are on, pulling back and inspecting your reflection. Now you feel like you’re caught, not sure if you recognize the person who’s looking back at you and... and... is the shower curtain moving towards you? Is that really you in the mirror? Your hair is never this mussed up and the color of your shirt you always liked before but why did it look so weird on you now?

“Dove, I’m coming in.” Keigo announces and slowly pushes open the door so that he doesn’t catch you in any indecent state. But he sees you just staring intently at your reflection and just comes up behind you, pressing his front to your back and tilting your head back to look at him. “Ah got caught looking at yourself in the mirror huh? S’alright, the first time I did acid apparently I spent a half hour just looking at my own reflection too.”

His eyes are the color of honey and you think you can suddenly taste it in your mouth, you imagine it. “Your eyes are pretty.”

“You’re pretty.”

But you shake your head at the compliment and ask, “Did I always look so weird Keigo?” you ask him, reaching one hand up and brushing the tips of your fingers along his stubble.

“No you never look weird, you’re always so cute.” he reassures you, pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose. “Go back to the living room, lemme have my bathroom break and I’ll join you in a hot minute.”

“Don’t fall in the mirror.” you say absently as you walk out the bathroom and shut the door. You hold onto anything you can to help balance you, the floorboards beneath your feet look as if they’re trying to trip you up but you manage on your own to make your way back to your spot on the couch, staring at your unfinished painting.

What... what was I making again?

Violet, blue, red, yellow... oh yeah, the sunset.

Keigo really was right when he said that trip would decide what you would paint.

You don’t hear the bathroom door open but you look up as Keigo comes into your vision and ask, “How do I make clouds?”

“How do you mean? Like how clouds are made in the sky? Well you see clouds are made of water droplets that are so small that they’re able to stay in the air. You see the water vapor-” Keigo starts on what you know is a very educational lecture on clouds but you stop him with a whine, pointing to your canvas. “Oh... oh! You want to know how to paint clouds. Haha, sorry dove!”

Keigo makes himself comfortable right behind you, your bodies once again pressed to one another as he hands you the palette of paint and picks up a different paint brush has you hold it in your own hand but he covers it with his own; you’ll hold the brush while he controls your movements. So he dips the paint brush in the white paint, also adding in a touch of red that almost makes it pink and you gasp. It’s not gonna go together! you think but Keigo hushes you, tells you to just trust him. And although you’re watching how he dabs the paintbrush onto your canvas, you’re not really perceiving the process. One minute it’s a messy slate of purple, yellow and red and then boom suddenly there are clouds that actually create a picture. “Ah you were trying to make a sunset, I can see why you wanted to paint clouds. Very creative, I’m proud of you!”

“I did that?”

“You did!”

He praises you as if you were a child doing it for the first time... though you actually are painting for the first time and honestly it actually is coming out pretty nice, though it’s only thanks to the help of Keigo. So you look back at him, pressing your lips against briefly and whisper out, “Thank you.”

Returning back to his canvas, you decide that you can continue painting on your own. You close your eyes and try to remember any memory that contains a sunset, whether it was through your own eyes or perhaps looking at images on the internet. You try your hardest, your mind producing more interesting shapes and patterns of colors that almost distract you but you’re going to pain that sunset damn it! So you blend the colors on the canvas, adding in more tones of violet and purple towards the bottom to cover up the blank spots. You thought about adding in a mountain or some trees but you feel that’s much too advanced for you to attempt, though you know that you can ask Keigo again but he already helped you once. Now you were determined to do another by yourself.

You ask if you can have another canvas and Keigo gets up to the little pile of untouched ones. When he hands you one and ask if it’s a good size, it’s a question you can really answer because the way he holds it out to you makes it seem to long. And realizing that your perception is altering the way you look at the canvas, he holds it upright for you and you ask for something a little bigger.

Carefully setting aside the sunset painting... whoa it’s like the clouds are really moving!

Focus.

You set up the new blank canvas in front of you, wondering what to make next.

“Ah I almost forgot, I got this for you too while I was at the craft store.” Keigo tells you as he brings up the box paints, holding out a tube of-

“Ooooh... glitter.” you awe at the opalescent colors, holding it against the light to see sheens of white and pink and purple. You’re not sure if it’s the acid or not but it looks extra pretty and you shake the little tube in your hand.

“Have fun with it just uh... make sure to not get too messy.”

You could imagine such pretty colors like the stars and them falling into your eyes... oh, you could make a starry night for your next painting. So you enthusiastically brush more violet and blue onto the new canvas along with a touch of black to make a dark sky. The canvas breathes at you and you think that the more color you add to it, you think you can hear it sigh in relief. You blend it all together and wonder what else you could add to it. You drift to the palette and zero in on the white paint, exchanging your current paint brush for a smaller one, dipping it into the white paint and just making little dots here and there to represent the stars. Then you open the tube of fine glitter and you’re particularly giddy; your painting is going to be amazing, it’s going to look exactly like the night sky... no even better! It’ll be like the cosmos!

You must have been a little overzealous with the glitter on your painting because Keigo nudges a towel just right underneath your easel and you feel him pat down your feet.

Careful with the edges of the painting since it’s still wet, you gently shake off any of the excess glitter and then lean back to really inspect it. In the moment it really looks like a beautiful starry sky and you think that you can literally see shooting stars in it, so sparkly and pretty in the moment. You pull the blanket back over your body and crawl your way to Keigo’s side of the couch, sitting behind him and perching your chin atop his shoulder. Weird, you could have sworn that when he first started painting he started off with yellow and red, he’s painting over it with blue and green now. “Keigo, what are you painting?”

“I don’t know. I started off thinking about fire at first and then all of a sudden I just started putting green and blue together... I think I might have been either thinking about the ocean or the forest... I forget.” Keigo explains, still not stopping his paint brush over the surface. You guess that even artists start off sometimes nonsensical too and that they don’t always have a clear idea how their end product might come out. But you still admire it anyway, reaching your hand out and loosely holding onto his wrist. His arms look even longer from where you’re looking and yet he’s sitting so close to his painting at the same time.

Perception sure is a strange thing when you’re on.

He smells nice, pressing your nose into his neck and breathing in his cologne, humming in delight and pressing yourself even closer to him.

Now you’re not exactly the bold type, every once in a while you’ve decided to make the first move but most of the time you let others give you the signal first before you flirt back. Already you and Keigo have been seeing each other for a few weeks, a few dates here and there but you’ve yet to progress anything spicier than a few make outs and maybe some teasing touches. So it comes as a surprise to him when you drag a hand down from his chest and let it rest in between his spread legs, groaning when you lick the shell of his ear and nibble on it. “B-Babe... we’re supposed to be... to be...”

“Painting? That canvas isn’t the only thing you can paint Keigo.” you whisper in his ear, feeling for his cock in his gray sweats and pleased that you can feel that he’s getting hard. You form your hand over his cock and stroke it through the sweats while your other hand drags over his arm, still stretched out towards the painting but now his arm is tense. “For example... you can paint me with your cum. Inside or out, I’ll let the artist decide.”

Keigo sets down his paint brush and his palette before tugging you to his bed.

It’s dark in his room when he shuts the door but you’re quickly put on the surface of his bed. You can hear him fiddling around somewhere in the corner of the room and then red light fills the room, it’s pretty basic of him to own those strip lights seeing as you’ve had more than a few friends decorate their room with it too but now isn’t the time to critique the mood lighting. You do have to wonder why the color red, why not just put on the regular ceiling lights?

He’s on you once the lights are on, pulling off your pajama bottoms and setting them to the side for the time being. Spreading your legs open, Keigo starts off with kissing the inside of your thighs and slowly goes up higher. Your panties are still on but you moan softly when he kisses your pussy through the cotton, then it’s up to your belly button, pushing your sweater up along with the soft bra you decided to wear tonight as stops to pay attention to your breasts, nipples perked up to the cold air along with the way Keigo flicks his tongue over them. While he sucks hickies onto your breasts, you run your hand through his hair and look up at the ceiling, you think you can hear the flap of a bird’s wings and think something flutters from the corner of your eye. “K-Keigo... is it okay for us to do this while we’re on?”

“You’re safe babe, I’m here.” he assures you as he helps tug off your sweater over your head. “Just focus on me, I’ve done this before.”

Oh great, he didn’t just allude that he’s fucked other people on acid before did he?

Keigo seems to catch his choice of words and grinds his clothed cock against your panties and gives you an apologetic smile. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I just mean that sometimes sex on acid can be a precarious thing to engage in, I just wanna let you know that I got you.” he presses the pad of his thumb where he guesses your clit is. “You trust me yeah?”

Yeah, I do.

“How about a little art lesson for ya? That’ll help get you in the mood and you’ll learn something interesting.” Keigo takes off his sweats and his underwear, leaving you the only one who’s almost naked in the room. The music still plays from the living room, smooth guitar and easy beats still reach your ears. “You wanna know why I made the lights red? Red provokes the strongest emotion and is considered the warmest and most contradictory of the colors. Can you tell me some things you think of when you think of the color red?”

Apples, firetrucks, blood.

“Red is one of the most visible colors in the spectrum, its the kind of color that’s an attention grabber which is why it’s used to warn people of danger. Red can convey a sense of danger,” Keigo explains this while he pets you through your panties, it’s almost leisurely the way he does it but he can see how you quiver underneath his touch. “but it’s also associated with excitement, that even sometimes just being exposed to the color can cause elevated blood pressure and heart rate.”

Your heart rate is certainly up right now and it’s not just because of the acid.

You feel Keigo pull your panties to the side and easily glide a finger in but he wants something in return as well, “Spit in your hand and stroke my cock.”

As you stroke Keigo and he gently fingers you, he continues on about his lesson on the color red. “So along with danger, excitement, there’s also aggression and dominance. There’s not exactly a clear reason why red is associated with dominance, maybe it just goes hand in hand with feeling aggressive, perhaps also representing power as well.”

“K-Kei... please get to the point!” you whine, sitting up with one hand braced on the bed while the other continues to stroke him. He’s added another finger and you notice that he’s put a little bit more vigor in his actions. “Please won’t you just-”

“Most of all though, my little bird,” Keigo continues over you but you can take a guess where this ‘art lesson’ is going by the way his lips quirk up and how is voice drops. “red is also linked to passion, love, and desire, that it’s apparently a very attractive color. You remember what color you wore the first time we met?”

“You... you saying that you only liked me ‘cause I was wearing red?” you ask, a breathy laugh leaving your lips but then whine as Keigo strokes your g-spot and you almost dropped back onto the bed but he’s quick to catch you. He quickly pulls his fingers out of you and winds it around your waist to pull you flush against him and settles you in his lap, your hand trapped between your bodies but you continue to jerk his cock despite the limited space.

Keigo chuckles along with you, leaning down to press a kiss to your neck and give you a gentle bite. “Aha I’m just teasing you dove, it was your cute face I saw first and besides, you weren’t wearing a red shirt when we first met... You were wearing red panties, I remember seeing them when you bent over in that short little black dress.”

“You’re embarrassing.” you mumble, adjusting yourself so that you hover over his cock, slapping the head of it against your clit. “And that wasn’t an art lesson, that was more like color psychology.”

“You still learned something, did you not?”

You cup Keigo’s cheeks in your hands, kissing him briefly and pull back to tell him, “I’m not looking to learn anything except how your cock feels inside me.”

So you brace your arms around Keigo’s shoulders, sighing as he eases himself into you slowly. His hands hold your ass, gently lifting you off his cock and then easing you down again to take him further, repeating the process until his girth was sheathed all the way inside you. You gasp together, you at his size and him at your tightness, hands all over each other and you’re wondering where his body begins and yours ends. Whatever other cocks you had inside you before, they’ve never felt like this when they first entered you.

And then the two of you are moving in sync with one another, holding each other’s gaze, just barely able to see the reflection of each other in your blown out pupils. You can’t really see the honey gold of his eyes thanks to the lights but you you think you can taste it still, every time you just taste that sweet nectar when you look into Keigo’s eyes. It must mean how sweet he is, that must be why his eyes are colored like that.

He’s sweet like honey.

Again, you hear the flap of a bird’s wings even though you know the bedroom window isn’t open.

It’s slow and sensual at first, sex on acid is something more heightened, something indescribable behind the sensations as you lean back slightly to roll your hips while you meet Keigo’s thrusts. Your hands locked behind his neck and your head lolling back, a sensual sigh from you when you feel a hand go to your throat. A breathy ‘yes’ spills from your lips as the pads of the fingers carefully press at the sides of your neck; feels good, feels so good...

Suddenly you’re pushed onto your back, gasping in surprise at first and then uninhibited moans as he viciously fucks you. And what can you do but take it, take all of it, peering at him through the haze of pleasure and the peak of your high when you see it.

Bright red wings spreading from Keigo’s back, brighter than the lights, the feathers ruffle and seem to groan alongside him, he’s losing himself in this carnal moment, bracing himself over you and the wings coming forward as well. You feel floaty, almost as if the wings are carrying you themselves, you think you can feel feathers tickle your skin while Keigo’s hands have your hands pinned above your head, your ankles locking just right above his buttocks.

It feels like the sex is lasting forever, that as fast and hard Keigo pumps into you it feels never ending. In truth you don’t know how much time has actually passed, just that the passage of time seems longer. But it feels good, you feel one with Keigo and even just the slightest clench of your fingers intertwined with his feels even more intimate. His panting, your whimpers, the music, the lights, the flapping of the wings, and you crying out his name.

Even as you clench your eyes shut, swirling patterns of hues of red dance behind your eyelids. They seem to move in time with Keigo’s tempo, every slap of his hips connecting with your body, they respond accordingly. You feel one of his hands drawn down from your neck, past your breasts, giggling when he goes over your belly button, and groan when he plays with your clit.

He praises you, tells you how good you’re doing even though you’re just lying there and taking it, you try to participate by rolling your hips up to meet his but his power is just too overwhelming. “Kei... Kei... go, it feels so good...!”

You wriggle your other hand free from his and pull him down, practically hugging him and bringing him even closer, eyes shut hard as he goes into double time. His face is pushed into your neck, breathing hard into it and you think you can hear his wings flapping even harder. His hands hold your waist, just lifting you up slightly so that your back slightly arches.

Soft skin against rough hands.

“Where you going to paint your cum Keigo?” you ask, your lips just barely brushing against the shell of his ear. “All over my face? My tits? Maybe... even turn me around and blow it all over my back?”

“Fuck! Keep talking like that! ’M gonna cum dove... I’m gon’a cum!”

You push him back just enough and once again cup his face in your hands, “Look at me when you cum.”

Jittery nods of his head, he’ll absolutely obey anything you want as long as you don’t let him leave inside of you. All over your face would be so nice, your tits even nicer, he hasn’t pulled out to cum on someone’s back in months but fuck when you mention it, it’s so fucking enticing. But nothing beats when it’s oozing out, like ice cream melting on a hot day as it drips so he has to ask you if it’s okay. “Babe... can I paint you inside babe?”

Does an artist even have to ask permission to paint their canvas?

“Yeah... paint me white inside.”

And that’s all permission he needs, a few harsh thrusts and he cums with you, his cum shooting inside you while you gush around him, almost like it’s trying to push him out. But he stays inside you, his visit isn’t over quite yet, he doesn’t want to leave, not when he feels so connected with you.

You catch your breath, blinking your bleary eyes and see all of those red feathers slowly leave Keigo’s back. You don’t know how many there are, maybe two hundred or something like that, but you watch them leave one by one, almost as if they’re each being controlled individually. You think Keigo is the one that’s dismissing the feathers and you reach out towards them; you never got the chance to touch them.

Hands sliding down his back, you express a mild disgust over how sweaty Keigo is, “Ew... take a shower.”

“Only if you come with me.” Keigo chuckles pushing himself off you but wiping at your forehead as well. Geez, you hadn’t even realized you sweated too.

So the two of you stand under the warm shower spray, he lathers his shampoo and conditioner into your hair first, washing it out for you before you return the favor for him. You note how even more intimate this is compared to the sex before, looking up into his eyes and you give each other an endearing smile. The peak has been passed and now the acid will ease off, already things look a little less distorted and the intense distortions don’t feel like they used to when you first started.

“How are my eyes dove? Getting lost in them?” Keigo chuckles but he doesn’t give you a chance to answer, choosing to kiss you instead. “Did you mind that our first time was on acid?”

“No, it was good.” you tell him as you draw a single line on his collarbone with the tip of your finger. “I can’t wait to have regular, sober sex with you.”

“Hehe, I hope it compares well to my first performance.”

“I don’t know,” you singsong to him, “maybe you set the bar too high having first time on acid.”

“Well don’t say that now.”

The two of you laugh together, he playfully pushes your head but pulls you back in for another kiss. The water runs down both of your bodies and you pull back, looking down at the ground. Keigo thinks that you’re looking down at his cock and that you might be up for another round but you look back up at him and ask, “My feet are like a million miles away... have I always been this tall?”

You dry up together and change into clean clothes, returning to the easels and you’re surprised that the television still is playing music from the playlist. After so long without having your phone, you check the time to see that it’s well into two in the morning and it’s no wonder that you feel tired, not just from the sex but how late it was as well.

You curl up onto the couch while Keigo still works on his painting, the last thing you see were your sunset painting alongside the starry night one, the clouds shifting on one and the other still sparkles with shooting stars.

━━━━✧

“Ugh, I told you that they’d look like shit when the trip is over.”

“Don’t say that, they look fantastic.”

You hold up both of their canvases and each hand, looking deadpan at him with tired eyes. “This one looks like I just puked glitter on it and the only part of this one that is good are the clouds that you helped me paint!” you sigh out and look down at each of the paintings. You knew it, you weren’t an artist after all and you had thought that you did such a good job last night.

Keigo takes your starry night painting and brings it over to the sink, banging the edge of it gently a few times to shake off any glitter that didn’t dry on the paint before handing it back to you. “See, now it looks a little less like glitter puke and I have to tell you this dove, but you painted those clouds yourself.”

Huffing at him, you set down the starry night painting and look down at your sunset painting. “Keigo, I know I was on last night but you for sure helped me paint the clouds. I remember that part pretty clearly, don’t try to treat me like I’m a kid and say some bullshit to make me feel better.”

“I helped you get started but I saw that you picked it up on your own and you painted the rest of it yourself, I swear.”

“Keigo-”

He stops you with a soft call of your name and even though the two of you are tired as hell and feel disassociated from your own bodies and personalities, something tugs in your heart that way he says your name. “I’m serious, I helped you start making the clouds but you actually got the hang of it and watched you do it yourself. I told you the trip would tell you what to paint and you did it!”

You still look disbelieving at him, swearing that you thought you felt his hand help you paint last night. But then again, you also thought you saw one of his paintings of a balloon flying away too so maybe he might be telling the truth. It’s a little hard to discern what were your actions that actually happened versus what was in your mind. Much like the wings you thought he sprouted when the two of you had sex.

“Can you just show me yours? I fell asleep before I could see what you made.” He hands you his own canvas and you stare hard at it, looking back and forth between him and the painting in your hands. “Did you make another one last night?”

“Nope, I used that one canvas the entire night.”

“Didn’t you start off painting it with yellow and red? How did you end up with,” you turn the painting around to show him, “painting this?”

Delicate pinks and purples dotted just right to look like wisteria flowers and a big tree trunk in the very center of it. It just wasn’t fair that he was so good at conceptualizing these kinds of things. You have to wonder if he just had a natural talent for it or if it was something he honed over time. Either way, you know he didn’t get that art degree for nothing.

Keigo chuckles and sets aside his painting. “I looked at your sweater last night and thought I saw wisteria flowers sprouting out, I got my inspiration from you. Also you seemed really into the color purple last night so that helped too. Although you did also give me an idea last night too.” he takes your hand in his, pulling you close to him and reaches one hand underneath your shirt, his palm resting on the small of your back. “That whole ‘paint me thing’ you said yesterday... I was wondering if one day you’d let me paint on you?”

You tilt your head to the side, “What do you mean?”

“Like... just let me paint on your body one day. I can get those body friendly paints and just make a picture on you.” Keigo explains with a sheepish smile coming onto his face despite how tired he looks. “It kinda turned on me on last night when you said you wanted me to paint you inside and I just thought ‘well what if I actually did?’ But not with my cum I mean, though I wouldn’t mind that either.“

The thought of laying down for Keigo while he does such a thing, it sounds quite intimate. You look into his eyes, his pupils still a little wide but it’s only a few more hours for the acid to exit your bodies. It was intense last night but you were glad to have done it with Keigo and even though you think the art you did last night is sort of crap now, you can’t deny that it was sort of fun to do it still. 

Your paintings lay to the side, his own stupidly good wisteria painting sitting alongside your glittered starry night and sunset painting. Strange how your eyes perceived everything last night from elongated lengths, the dynamically changing colors you saw when you shut your eyes, you felt everything alive around rather than thinking of the furniture as mere static objects, the red wings and feather you swore you felt against your skin when Keigo fucked his cock into you, everything was beautiful and you couldn’t have asked for a better first time.

You’d like to do it again.

“Can I dove? Can I paint on you one day?”

“... Yeah, I’d like that.”

[potteresque-ire]

Hi, I hope you're doing well! I recently read what you shared RE: the risk of being outed for GG/DD & I appreciate your insight. Would you mind sharing your thoughts on the popularity of The Untamed in China, and the production of other BL dramas given the issues of censorship and cultural perceptions of queerness? If dramas with queer subtext are profitable, are those in power willing to "overlook" the queerness as long as it's done in a way that can be plausibly denied? Thanks for your time!

Happy 2021 Anon! I may not be the most qualified to answer the question about popularity, because I feel these answers can only be discerned at the ground level-- ie, I have to live in China, or have to have followed the the developments on China’s social media since the airing of the series. Because of time limitations, I’ve been satisfying my curiosity about the cultural aspects surrounding The Untamed and BJYX mainly by scouring the internet for news, social commentaries and opinion pieces. This weekend is the first time I do more than observe and interact  directly with fans of the series and the pairings. :)

Re: censorship, and the government’s response to the onslaught of “adapted” BL dramas (“dangai”). Here’s my admittedly still very limited knowledge so far. First of all, I think it’s important to emphasise that there are three censorship issues surrounding these dramas:

1) the original works from which the dramas are adapted, which are often called IP (Intellectual property). These stories are published online, and therefore bypass the censorship board  

2) the queer / BL elements of these works, in word form

3) how the queer / BL elements are handled when they are adapted for TV, which has its own set of censorship rules.

International fans often focus on 2) and 3).  1), however, is the one that I believe has got the most attention from the government — it’s a flaw in the country’s tightly-controlled speech environment. Millennials are avid IP readers; IPs are also very popular among overseas Chinese readers (ie, they can be effective propaganda tools).

I’m not sure if this is common knowledge among its international fandom, but this is something I think all Untamed fans should know:

In 2020 November, the author of MDZS, Mo Xiang Tong Xiu (MXTX) (real name: Yuan Yimei 袁依楣, was sentenced for “illegal business operation (非法經營) ”. The details of the sentence — including if she’s found guilty or not — was not disclosed (Reminder that China isn’t a transparent country). According to insiders, MXTX was sentenced to three years imprisonment, + 400,000 RMB (~61,227 USD) in fines. (Sorry, can’t find a good English link)

(This is yet another example of China’s lack of transparency.) (For reference: the conviction rate in China’s judicial system is 99.93% in China in 2013, and 99.97% in 2018 and 2019.)

News of her arrest first spread in August 2019 (when The Untamed aired). At the time, Jinjiang, the site where her works were hosted, denied being under any investigations related to her. Still, fans continued to be suspicious as MXTX was known to be very good at advertising her works, creating merchandise etc. She hadn’t updated her site since February 2019 and remained quiet through the airing of the Untamed, when most authors would ‘ve said something, especially considering the series’ popularity.

What does it mean by “Illegal business”? Some says it means publishing their works without going through publishing houses. This has been a common practice among IP writers; all publishing houses in China are licensed through the General Administration of Press and Publication  (GAPP) and have the rights to screen / censor / ban and so, to bypass publishing houses is to bypass the censorship apparatus. Some says it is a cover for her selling pornographic material. MXTX isn’t the first BL author to get jail time. Since 2017, there have been, for example, Tian Yi 天一 and Shen Hai Xian Cheng 深海先生. Some are charged for selling pornography, some also for “illegal business operations”. 深海先生 was considered to be the first BL author imprisoned for her work (she got a 4 year sentence). In 天一’s case, the author and the owner of the printing shop both got a 10-year sentence. The cover artists got a 4-year sentence. The internet shop owner who sold the books got ten month sentence. They sold 7000 books total. 

Was it the pornography that hits a nerve of the Chinese government? The queerness in the pornography? The bypassing publishing houses? No one really knows for sure. The co-sentencing of the printer and seller seems to suggest the issue is with the illegal publishing, but that, again, is a common practice. So is writing BL. If no one knows what hits a nerve, it means…no one knows how to avoid it for sure.

What people do know is this: The rights to adapt MXTX’s Tian Guan Ci Fu (天官賜福) into Donghua was sold for 40 million RMB (6.1 million USD) in 2018 July. Her arrest and sentencing have not deterred the airing and popularity of the donghua, or the preparation of the live-action drama. Not only has The Untamed been highly profitable, THE China’s state newspaper, People’s Daily 人民日報 (Overseas version), dedicated an article in praise of the series, which is considered a very high honour. The article focused on the series’ artistic direction and brushed over the dangai element, described LWJ as WWX’s best friend. 

The messages from the state have therefore been mixed and inconsistent. It seems to approve of the TV series but isn’t happy with the source material, which seems to support the hypothesis that as long as the romance in the original work is modified into “socialist brotherhood” (what fans of these dramas calls the modified relationship), the government is okay with these adapted BL series. However, plausible denial from the production team isn’t the same as perception from the audience, and the temporary ban on The Guardian 鎮魂 (2018), which many would call the predecessor of The Untamed as the first popular adapted BL series, seems to suggest that the censorship board would still move to remove the drama from the shelves if the audience decides that the central relationship is queer. As far as I can tell, The Untamed didn’t generate a lot of noise before its airing, and the production team never tried to sell the drama as a thinly veiled BL — in fact, it did the opposite, intentionally or not; the rumour that Wen Qing would be paired with WWX (which, according to the unofficial BTS, seemed to be a backup plan) enraged the book fans, but also provided an impression that the BL element could be completely eliminated from the product. So, when the article from People’s Daily came out within the first few days of the series’s broadcast, it could describe the relationship between LWJ and WWX a simple friendship without irony.

This isn’t true anymore with the adapted BL dramas currently in the works. They are hotly anticipated, and internet is already filled with articles describing their BL element, and the beautiful men who will/may play the leads and what these leads have done in the original IP (that has mostly bypassed the state’s censorship board). The most likely series to challenge The Untamed in terms of popularity, Immortality 皓衣行, is already building its cp (“couple”), and is doing so for both the characters and the actors. Leaked photos not only show the leads touching each other, arranging each other’s costumes etc etc on set, but them wearing couple necklaces and matching brands of clothes off work.

(The title of an article says: even BJYX didn’t do that.)

This strategy works in that it generates buzz, successfully captures the attention (and ire, in some cases) of The Untamed fans who the marketing teams see as the target audience. I’m not sure how well or long the state can tolerate this kind of “advertisements”, however, because the underlying message is this: the “socialist brotherhood” is a joke to fool the censorship board, which isn’t a message a regime so intent on demonstrating its might wants to hear. Assuming that the economic health of c-ent isn’t in such shambles that these dramas are its only hope of avoiding financial ruin, and if I must put in a guess — there have honestly been too many logic-defying policies by the Xi regime to make educated guesses — I’d imagine, after a series or two, one of the well-respected state media will call out on these publicity stunts. Depending on how harsh the critique is (and how well the already aired dramas fare), it may put an at least temporary hold on those that haven’t been aired.

[agentnico]

The Mysterious Benedict Society - Season 1 (2021) Review

Anyone ever tried Eggs Benedict? Recently tried it and my goodness is it good!! The poached egg covered with hollandaise sauce that’s is slowly soaking up the muffin that holds it all together....absolutely delicious.

Plot: Four gifted orphans are recruited by an eccentric benefactor to go on a secret mission; placed undercover at a boarding school known as The Institute, they must foil a nefarious plot with global ramifications.

Being brought up in a Russian family, I have missed out on a lot of western media and literature that many kids back then of my generation would have enjoyed. So it’s a rare case when I come across an adaptation of something I’ve actually read as a kid, and as such get the nostalgic feels for. In cometh The Mysterious Benedict Society, a new family friendly show on Disney+ based on the first book of a series by writer Trenton Lee Stewart. I remember as a child reading these books in my school’s library (as at home I only read Russian novels like War & Peace at that very young age!) and actually imagining how good these books would be as films. They had such colourful characters and such heart and the story had this element of spy-espionage to it, but because it was about kids it made one feel like they themselves too could too have the skills and special capabilities and be something great. No matter how weird or how much of an outcast you were or are, there’s always a place in the world for your weird or quirky nature. They were really inspiring and fun books, so I was so happy to hear now many many years down the line that they finally have adapted these books. Or at least the first one, let’s hope they got enough of a viewership to garner further seasons.

What a show this is. Talk about faithful adaptations!! You can tell how much love and passion the writers and producers of the show have for their source material, as this is a pretty straight forward book to screen adaptation. Yes there are minor additions and changes here and there, but overall this thing is devoted to please fans of the original book, but also welcome new ones into the fold. The minor changes mainly include that the villain isn’t in a wheelchair anymore, which is actually for the better to avoid any old-school villain stereotypes, and also Mr Benedict and his team get more of a prevalent role in this compared to the book where once he gives the kids their mission, him and his team kind of vanish until the end of the book. And the latter add on is evidently done to fill up the runtime of the episodes, however the characters are all so loveable that you don’t mind spending the extra time with them.

I love the way this show looks. The production design and extravagant outfits make it seem like a light version of a Wes Anderson movie. The aesthetic is that of a Willy Wonka chocolate factory with so many eye popping colours everywhere. But it is again the original book’s great narrative and characters that make this show so enjoyable. The central four orphan kids are especially good and one has to wonder where Hollywood producers keep churning out these talented child actors! Do they have a machine in a secret lab in Area 51 where upon a film studio’s request another special kid can be created that has the ability to manoeuvre their facial expressions with distinct precision and also deliver lines of dialogue with believable emotionally filled resonance? Nevertheless, the kids here are fantastic, which is good, since, you know, you kind of spend most of the show with them. But the adults are not to be missed either. Tony Hale, who is most known to all for his dumb and simple minded caricature Buster Bluth in Arrested Development, is sure to surprise in his double performance as the charming and sincere titular Mr Benedict, and the opposite sinister villain Mr Curtain, who I found to be a surprisingly menacing presence. Mr Benedict’s team also includes characters played by Kristen Schaal and MaaMeyaa Boafo both of whom fit in well with the quirkiness of the series, but it is Ryan Hurst as the sad and lost Milligan who provides most of the laughs as he captures the steadfastness beneath the weirdness.

At the end of the day the reason the show does so well is cause it recaptures the central themes and underlying messages of the original books so well. From the importance of how trauma and guilt can affect us later in life to the isolation felt from any neurodiversity that one may have outside what is considered the "norm" of society. Each person, mainly the kids, feels the impact of their world and expectations in different ways. From being unaware of bluntness in social interactions to hyper-fixations, the series shows the beautiful parts of neurodivergent minds while also exploring the ways society aims at taking that and moulding it into their concept of perfection. The power of an observant mind, empathy, and acknowledgment of the beauty in the ways that people's minds work differently from one another is all wrapped up wonderfully in this series. And that’s as deep as I’ll ever get in my reviews. Like phew, I sounded like a professional psychoanalyst just then. Too much. That was too much for my tiny little brain to handle! Any-how, The Mysterious Benedict Society - go watch it so we can get a season 2!

Overall score: 8/10

[thewriting-corner]

‘Renegades’ trilogy by Marissa Meyer: review

Welcome today to a post I have been waiting to do for months. I never do entire posts for book reviews, but since this was a trilogy (and one of my favorites I read this year) I decided it would deserve a little more.

Note: I will be doing a spoiler-free review first and then I’ll put a warning before talking about each individual book :)

Synopsis: The Renegades are a syndicate of prodigies—humans with extraordinary abilities—who emerged from the ruins of a crumbled society and established peace and order where chaos reigned. As champions of justice, they remain a symbol of hope and courage to everyone... except the villains they once overthrew.

Trilogy Review ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I honestly think these are the best books I’ve ever read. The description was fascinating, easy to follow and gave amazing imagery without that heaviness that a lot of fantasy books have (this is more sci-fi/dystipia-ish but still).

The characters felt real and their individual voices were clear from start to finish. I loved every single character, even the ones I hated. 

However, there is one thing that bothered me BUT it does align with their world and that is the lack of accountability certain characters recieve (but I will be talking about that in my Supernova review).

Then the PLOT OH MY GOSH. I mean, it’s superheroes. It’s nearly impossible to be original with a plot that isn’t the same as any Marvel or DC comic/movie/show. And yet Marissa Meyer that such a beautiful job of taking a common conflict (heroes vs villains, villains wanting to take over the world) and turning it into a unique plot with amazing twists. 

I mentioned the world-building before, but I’ll do it again. Third person POV is not my favorite and neither is heavy world building like the one this book needed and had. Still, it was written in such a simple way that I didn’t feel like she was trying to confuse me, it was just a story.

Overall, this series was amazing and I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a fast paced, mind-blowing world building and compelling characters that will make you feel single to the core even in a relationship.

🚨Spoilers Ahead🚨

Renegades ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“We were all villains in the beginning.”

I went into this book with low expectations because I didn’t think I’d like Marissa Meyer’s style and boy was I wrong.

The first few chapters were a bit confusing but the moment Adrian fixed Nova’s bracelet I KNEW this would steer towards romance and it sold me. And then Nightmare making fun of the Sentinel for his comic book phrases and poses was my favorite thing ever. That would be me as a superhero, no doubt.

I really liked the way the plot progressed “slowly” without feeling dragged on. In fact, despite it’s slower pace of the story, the book still felt quick and that just won a million points with me.

Don’t even get me started on the Anarchists. I LOVED them. I like how they weren’t presented as villains from Nova’s POV, just enemies of a totalitarian state. Not even just in her point of view though. I genuinely didn’t think any of them were bad until Ingrid decided to show up at the library and almost killed Sketch’s crew.

And speaking of Sketch’s crew … the minor characters??? Hello??? Who writes side characters that are SO good?? Oscar is my favorite though. He wins. Danna being the only one to question Nova about Adrian’a feelings for her was hilarious, although it stressed me out that Nova put her to sleep. Counterpoint: it was very cute that the only way she could stop thinking of Adrian liking her was by putting Danna to sleep. Very on point teenage reaction. I would’ve done the same thing if only I wasn’t trying to remain anonymous in the organization that indirectly killed my parents. 

The climax, on the other hand, felt a teensy bit rushed but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy Nodrian in their not-date. It was adorable, especially when they stopped at the kid’s party and then Nova panicking over the mere thought of going on the ferris wheel with Adrian. All the carnival chapters where my favorite thing ever and I really wished they hadn’t ended with Nova killing the woman who raised her. But I did like the irony of it being Ingrid who told her she didn’t have the guts to press the trigger and then she died at the hands of Nova’s gun. 

AND THE ENDING WITH ACE BEING ALIVE. That shook me. I suspected it, of course, but it shook me to my core. 10/10 plot twist there.

Archenemies ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“I guess I figured you deserve to have good dreams every once in a while. Even if you never sleep.”

This one gets six stars because somehow I read it in 11 hours and I’ve never read such a large book in one day. The entire story was just fast-paced action, superhero world building and Nodrian flirting and eventually kissing. Best book ever.

I liked how in this book we got a closer look into other character relationships like Oscar and Ruby and then Danna’s suspicions over Nova. I would’ve liked to see more of Danna’s friendship with the team though, since at times it seemed she was only there to send passive aggressive comments at Nova. And the Sentinel’s “death” was amazing. Pure comic book material right there. 

There is this thing though that I mentioned in the general review that bothered me and it’s when they reveal Agent N. This weapon they created using Max’s blood is a great example of how the Renegades had obtained way too much power. It’s when we start to see that maybe Nova and the Anarchists are right. The Renegades are slowly becoming a dictatorship and it’s bothersome that nobody except Nova and Adrian notice. Especially when it was so obvious with things like them using Agent N “against every prodigy who didn’t follow the Renegades code”. Sure, they were criminals, but that wasn’t about arresting them. It was about changing the DNA of people who made one mistake and were immediately deemed enemies of the state.

Back to the good stuff, Nodrian flirting was the highlight of this book. They’re both so awkward and adorable, especially when Nova’s teaching Adrian how to shoot and then when they’re in his room later on. The whole “you want me to ignore everything?” and “you’re not allowed to have girls in your room?” quotes KILLED me. Those were peak flirting moments and I’m immensely surprised by the way that Marissa Meyer manages to write teenagers realistically as an adult and not even having teenage kids of her own. Also, Nova opening up to Adrian was just. No. It killed me. My ghost is writing this btw.

The ending, once again, amazing. I loved it. Not only did it once again show Frostbite’s true colors, show us how much hate Adrian actually held against Nightmare and the way Nova had softened by the Renegades’ influence. And Ace Anarchy’s capture goes into the good things pile.

Supernova ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“To be honest, I’m not sure there are such things as villains anymore. Maybe there never really were.”

Is it a bad review if I just insert the word “AH” for the next ten lines? Yes? Damn it. I admit that I was expecting something much different, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I have never cursed and squealed so much by reading and had I not bought the hardcover with my own money, I would’ve thrown that book against the wall. It stressed me out. First of all, getting Nova and Adrian kissing in the tunnels a few chapters before Adrian arrests her for being Nightmare was another level of messed up. Clearly, she did everything in her power to save him from her house’s explosion and he threw it out the window in blind anger. And then the whole execution thing??? That was horrifying and it’s when the Renegades’ incompetence really showed its true colors. They couldn’t bring the people back to their side - because they failed - so they sentenced a broken, dying man and an underage girl who acted under the manipulation of her entire family, to death. If Hugh had ever even attempted to find out what happened to both Artino girls, none of that mess would’ve happened, but instead Lady Indomitable died and he went “WELL, can’t do anything about her last task, can we?” I get he was preoccupied by her orphaned son and the Ace of Anarchy, but it was as simple as going back into the house and searching. In fact, this entire book was just showing how their society was crumbling and in the end they went “we were all heroes”. I’m surprised Nova forgave the entire Renegades organization for what they did because even if it was Ace who sent a hit after her and her family, the Renegades were still willing to overuse their power. 

And once again back to the good stuff before I end up bashing the Renegades even more, I never thought I would be on board with Adrian and Nova’s relationship at the end of the book. I try not to ship toxic relationships in YA because they happen a lot and I wouldn’t like younger readers to think that it’s okay, but I loved how both Nova and Adrian were willing to make a change for their relationship to work. They compromised because they loved each other so much it didn’t matter who had tried to kill the other person and their dad or who hadn’t advocated against the other’s execution, you know, the ups and downs of every relationship. While I do wish we had seen them talking about everything, I get a book can only have a certain amount of words and I was glad just the same with how it ended. Also, Leroy’s threat to Adrian is iconic, just like Oscar proclaiming his undying love for Ruby at the arena were they almost witnessed multiple murders.

The epilogue. Just. Wow. I knew it before because I’m smart and I spoiled it but I NEED another Renegades book. You can’t just end the series saying Evie Artino was Magpie and her being as angry as Nova once was. Like, no. You just can’t. That was a crime against humanity, tbh, but overall the series was amazing and I have never been more grateful to spend almost $80 in books. 

[severestrangerpersona]

3d Animation Maker For Mac

Aurora 3d Animation Maker For Mac

3d Animation App For Mac

Animated Videos have become one of the signature tools of marketers worldwide for telling a story and creating effective marketing campaigns for the future.

Depending on your purpose and skills, you can choose from different types of software available both offline and online, for professionals and amateur users, 2D, 3D, whiteboard or stop motion animation tool, etc.

Below are our picks for the best animation software for mac of 2019. For more background information, see a more detailed buying advice below the picks.

Part1. Whiteboard Animation Tools Part2. 2D Animation Tools Part3. 3D Animation Tools Part4. Stop Motion Animation Tools Part5. Motion Graphics Software How to Choose the Right Animation Software for Mac

Build and animate 3D models, teach them behaviors, then form 3D movie scenes that can be saved in QuickTime, AVI, or animated GIF format. Animoids is integrated with an online database of 3D art.

Each animation is transferred to your own character and can be previewed and edited directly with Mixamo, so you can control the look and feel of each motion. Export for Any Project Download characters and animations in multiple formats, ready to use in motion graphics, video games, film, or illustration.

Minecraft animation maker in your browser. Looking for a way to create a Minecraft animation or intro for your gaming vlog online? With ready-made templates available on Renderforest, creating a Minecraft animation is easy and fun, even for first-time users.

Part1. Whiteboard Animation Tools

#1. Best Whiteboard Animation Software for Mac: VideoScribe by Sparkol

This program is produced by Sparkol and it remains one of the best whiteboard animation software programs for both Mac and PC. You can also use it on a number of mobile devices including devices that run android. There are elements of the program that works through the cloud making it very simple to upload and edit video wherever you might be.

Videoscribe works quite intuitively for building business presentations, TED talk style videos, tutorials, creative marketing solutions and more. What is produced out of this program looks hand-drawn and extremely professional for any type of marketing campaign. The best part is that you can use many of these tools to create these effects with very little animation knowledge.

Even children enjoy using this program because of its ease of use. There is a full library of stock images, animation and more as well as an extensive voiceover soundtrack that can be used with the solutions here.

The yearly and monthly subscription also ensures that there is a flexible use for the program. It also comes with a seven-day free trial with features to try before you buy.

#2. Best Free Animation Software for Mac: PowToon

This is a fantastic online presentation maker for academic use, presentations and infographics.

The program is completely free to use and has a number of animation effects on board that can make anything exported out of the program seem extremely professional.

The free templates available in the program as well as the quality of the animations that are presented within the platform make it a true favorite amongst many brands.

A number of major companies now almost exclusively trust their creative tools to Powtoon and it can be used almost anywhere where there is an Internet connection with mass compatibility.

As a fully cloud-based system there’s no use for installation or downloads to take full advantage of it. Its available for free use on any Macintosh computer as long as you are willing to use the watermark.

Part2. 2D Animation Tools

#3. Best 2D Animation Software for Mac: Toon Boom Harmony

This is a program that actually deserves some surprising recognition. The company has partnered with major film companies like Warner brothers, Disney, and Nickelodeon and it’s currently one of the best and most powerful 2-D animation suites for commercial use.

With the use of this program you can build anything from traditional animation all the way to amazing drawing tools that can produce the future of 3-D animation. The 3-D cameras and integration available in this platform can provide fundamental solutions for drawing, rendering and building beautiful projects.

There are tools and tasks available here that can suit small hobby animators all the way up to professional uses. The premium version delivers the top tool professional solutions that you might expect at of any major animation suite. The essentials level of the harmony program is designed more for hobbyists and it delivers a scaled down version of some of their more high and customization techniques.

Toon Boom not only remains one of the best 2-D animation programs for mac but it is a regular fixture in the animation world today.

#4. Runner-up, Best 2D Animation Software for Mac: Adobe Animate

Adobe is one of the successors to perhaps one of the most popular 2-D animation software is available. At the core of Animate are the flash tools that have been working to create high-quality animations since the early days of the Internet. Today the program uses vector-based publishing to produce intuitive and inexpensive animation results.

Although it may not have all of the professional animation tools that you would find in some major production suites, it’s possible to get very professional looking results.

#5. Best Free 2D Animation Software for Mac: Pencil

This is a simple and open source vector-based program that’s designed for the Mac OS X platform. It’s also available on Linux and Windows and it was originally created for producing digital comics. The platform allows animators to use the basic hand-drawn techniques that were experimented with long in the past. Pencil is an ideal program for beginners that don’t want to invest in expensive license for a program. It can teach the basic principles of animation and with a timeline feature it’s possible to add new layers to arrange fun effects.

This is one of the best programs for beginners and sketching characters as well as setting keyframes can all be done using the pen tool, fill tool and the vector layers tool. The interface on this is actually based off of some of the original Adobe flash platform’s and it produces some good quality graphics even on a tablet device. Perhaps one of the best parts of using this program is that it automatically exports everything in.FLV which gives it mass compatibility with a number of online sources. The videos that you export here will be easy to embed or upload in video sharing sources and more.

Part3. 3D Animation Tools

#6. Best 3D Animation Software for Mac: Maya

Autodesk Maya remains one of the best 3-D modeling software programs that’s designed for Mac, Windows and Linux. The program itself has migrated many of the tools away from Autodesk Mud and now has features that you would normally find in several different pieces of software for creating highly detailed 3-D models. Autodesk Maya is a 3-D modeling software that is designed mostly for professional artists but with the templates that are available for download and the massive amount of tutorials online, it is possible to see quite a difference with this software when you are working with it over time.

#7. Runner-up, Best Free 3D Animation Software for Mac: Blender

Aurora 3d Animation Maker For Mac

Blender is a program that is designed with open source technology for 3-D modeling and it’s made mostly for beginners that want the option to learn how to play and get comfortable with reading modeling on their Mac computer. This open-source program does feature many of the basic features that you can expect to find including rigging, animation, architectural support and even the option to create full games. The philosophy that’s behind it allows for the inclusion of many different templates and it is very well suited to use by a number of creators. Blender remains some of the best 3-D modeling software for creative artists with its completely free use.

Part4. Stop Motion Animation Tools

#8. Best for Making Stop Motion Videos: Dragonframe

Dragonframe remains one of the best stop motion software solutions for mac today. It’s one of the top choices for many of the world’s largest studios like Laika and Aardman. It can produce high-quality masterpieces in stop motion animation and it is a perfectly suited set of professional tools. The program allows for easy capture of a number of precise movements and you can also compose in light various angles using the camera controls on board. Editing images as well as performing advanced image review techniques can all be done through the program as well.

The process of inserting and editing audio can be done according to a characters needs and based off of the animation that you want to create. The advantage to using some of the precise movements and controls in this program is that you can have a wide array of improvements at your fingertips for professional products.

#9. Runner-up: Stop Motion in Movavi Video Editor

We selected this is our runner up because with this program there’s no need to pay for a dedicated piece of stop motion software. This is an open source piece of technology that delivers a full-featured video editor that suitable for many beginners.

The program itself is perfect for getting all of the features that are often teased in many full license software programs. Because it’s open source there are also a number of templates that can make it easy to use. The full-featured video editor is excellent for its features and for the newest features that are being added by the community regularly to keep up with the stop motion technology of today.

Part5. Motion Graphics Software

#10. Best Motion Graphic Animation Software for Mac: After Effects

With a number of motion graphic animation software programs available for Mac, after effects sets itself apart.

Adobe After Effects is truly one of the most masterful programs for any motion graphic artist. Of course many of the features of aftereffects can be found in other Adobe programs, but there is no other piece of software that can be so versatile for the creation of motion graphics. The way to the menus are set up and the way that the program behaves makes it an intuitive leap for 3-D modeling and 2.5 D animation.

The whole goal of aftereffects is to help you produce almost any type of animation that you may want without having to involve 3-D modeling. After effects remains one of the primary pieces of software for motion graphic work in storyboards, motion comics and more. There are elements in this program that are close to Photoshop and illustrator but they have been optimized for the purpose of creating motion graphics here.

How to Choose the Right Animation Software for Mac

When it comes down to choosing the program that you may want to purchase a license for or download on your computer, you need to be very focused into the types of animation that you are looking for and what you need out of any program. The first thing you need to understand is the various styles and techniques for animation and what you might want out of a program:

2d animation

This is the traditional style of animation that comes from the idea of cell shading or digital cell shading. In the past animators would draw images on transparent pieces of paper and then later than one frame at a time to create motion. Today drawings can be rendered and layered on top of one another using a digital timeline and computer vector animations.

3d animation

This is a completely new and different way to look at traditional animation that requires understanding the basic principles of composition, movement and 3-D modeling. Creating 3-D graphics can involve scanning objects or even piecing together various 3-D models to create characters, share complex ideas and then animate all of the items along a storyboard.

Motion graphics

A motion graphic is considered to be one of the newest forms of animation. These motion graphics are fairly common in items like banner ads, short comics and more. Usually these types of graphics are designed for commercial purposes.

3d Animation App For Mac

Stop motion

Stop motion involves taking photos of an object and manipulating it ever so slightly to eventually produce a storyboard of motion. Completing and repeating this process over and over eventually gives the full allusion of movement. This is a very time-consuming process that often involves manipulating objects slowly over hours of movement to create just a few seconds of animation.

Presentation or whiteboard style

This is a popular style of animation that has taken off over the past few years. The online marketing videos that are produced and the specific programs that have been created for building whiteboard videos are proving that this is a format that truly keeps people engaged and remains a trend for school projects, business presentations and more.

You may also like:

Hey, My name is Paul – nice to e-meet you 🙂 I’m a freelance video editor who has over 4 years experiences of making all types of videos. I founded this website to provide step-by-step and easy-to-follow instructions to first-time editors or beginners like you who want to start their journey in video editing.

Animators and game developers will need different types of tools to create all the animations that they want. They need advanced tools and a user-friendly interface which would help them to create better designs. A 3D animation maker online can be used online to create the 3D animations which 3D animation maker free download will have some specialized tools. These 3D animation maker software are very easy to use and there are many options available in the market.

Related:

Clara.io

This free software can be used very easily by just signing into the portal and then the software can be accessed. Users will be able to create, render and share the 3D designs that they create. It has many powerful modeling tools like mesh tools, modifiers, operators, subdivision surfaces, etc. which can be used and VRay cloud rendering is possible. It can be accessed on multiple platforms.

iClone

This premium software can be used for creating real-time 3D animation which will enable animators to create characters, motion and physics, scenes and props and much more. Lighting and VFX can be done using this software and multiple cameras can be viewed from one point. The rendering and final output can be viewed on the interface. Storytelling will be very easy with this software.

Muvizu

This premium version can be used as an interactive 3D animation package that has all the tools that are required to create an animated story. Animators will be able to drag and drop the characters onto the customizable sets from the animation libraries. They will be able to perform other functions like automatic lip-syncing. It can be used by teachers, storytellers, animators and other business people who are there in this field.

K-3D for Windows

This free software is compatible with the Windows platform and can be used for 3D modeling and rendering. High-level 3D animations can be done and it can be used for creating games. Visualization is possible on the interface.

Iyan 3D – Make 3D Animations for Android

This free Android app can be used for building any animation character and creating a movie. The characters can be imported and backgrounds, images, props and 3D texts can be set. Users will be able to animate the objects in each frame and the lights and cameras can be placed anywhere. The output video can be imported and even published online.

Aurora 3D Animation for Mac

This premium software is compatible on the Mac platform and can be used for creating 3D movie titles and banners easily. The video titles can be created from the available symbols or new ones can be imported. Many professional templates and TrueType fonts are available. Animated effects can be applied quickly and the animation can be exported.

Xara 3D Maker – Most Popular Software

This premium software can be used for designing texts and shapes in the graphics and animations quickly. Many different types of templates and designs are available on the software that can be used and edited in real-time. Professional banners can be created by using custom texts and 3D effects can be added to it. You can also see Movie Animation Software

How to Install 3D Animation Maker?

Most of the 3D animation software that is available online are premium versions. So users will have the option to install the trial version to make sure that it is compatible with the device before the premium version could be bought. It is necessary to make sure that all the system requirements are fulfilled like the required memory space, graphic card, operating system, etc. before the file could be downloaded. You can also see Text Animation Software

Users will be able to create dynamic character and use various effects on the animated scenes to make sure that the best possible outcome is achieved. Texts can be used and it can be animated. Rendering and sharing of the final output is very easy with this software and it can be shared across different platforms.

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[cmykarfa]

Analysis

Lines are used to create drawings, or to sketch out characters ans environments. In this drawing by Hana Chatani, line as value is used in their clothing, showing how the shorts and T-shirt are darker, and also depicting shadows on the pants, as well as on the shirt where it's being grabbed. The lines used are explicit, making the drawing easy to read. Heavier line weight and overlapping lines are used to create depth and shadow underneath the flowers and the person on the right. Lines are being used in a simple but very expressive way to visualize these two characters, making a drawing that is fun to look at and inspiring enough to add to my illustration board on Pinterest.

Glossary

Lines have both a direction and a length. Line means a mark, streak, stroke, slash, path, stripe, border, contour, striation, course, route, and track. Curved, bent, thick, wide, broken, vertical, horizontal, burred, or freehand, lines delineate shapes, forms, and spaces, volumes, edges, movement and patterns. Not only that -- lines create both 2D and 3D objects and figures. Lines are awesome and powerful.

Contour Lines - Contour lines indicate the edge around an object or the changes in volume within an object. Contour lines dramatize changes of plane within the form. The curve of a belt around the waist is a contour line.

Diagonal Lines - Diagonal Lines are useful to draw the eye into a composition such as toward the vanishing points.  Three common types of diagonals are 1) actual diagonal lines 2) objects placed diagonally in a scene 3) a diagonal line created by the viewpoint such as the Dutch tilt.

Dutch Tilt - Dutch Tilt (known as a dutch angle, canted angle, or oblique angle) is a type of camera shot that  has a noticeable tilt on the camera’s “x-axis.” The Dutch tilt camera technique was introduced by German Expressionists in the 1920s — so it's not actually Dutch. Directors often use a Dutch angle to signal to the viewer that something is wrong, disorienting, or unsettling.

Explicit Lines - Explicit means clear, direct, and obvious.  If a drawing is easy to read it may be that the lines are explicit, clean, with efficient use of variety. There are explicit lines around the frame of the Dutch Tilt illustration.

Gesture Lines - Gesture Lines capture motion, such as in an action pose when gesture drawings are used in storyboards. 

Implied Lines - Implied lines in 3-D scenes a line in a scene that is not physically there but is suggested by points in the art. Implied lines suggest the edges of an object or planes within an object. The line may be broken such as a dotted line, it may be defined by value, color, or texture, or it may not be visible at all. With implied lines, our brain interprets that aline exists. 

Line as Value - Line As Value has a long history. Artists have used line drawings to create value, or shading, and to achieve the impression of volume. 

Line of Action (​Also see​ motion) - Line of action is an imaginary line that extends through the main action of the figure. When you draw an action figure you can capture the line of action on one layer then draw the figure drawing on another layer.

Line Quality - Line quality is the expressive essence of lines. Varying the line quality makes objects appear more 3-dimensional and exciting. Range in line quality heightens descriptive and suggestive potential. A single line can change in darkness and width, can vanish altogether to mentally reconnect later on an edge.

Line Weight - Line weight refers to the thickness or thinness of a line.

Lost and Found Lines - We don’t really need a strong contour line around every part of an object because our brain will fill in the blank where the edge disappears. When a line fades out and then restarts further along the edge it is called a lost and found line. 

Psychic Lines - Psychic lines are invisible. Psychic lines form between characters or between a gun and a target, or a hand pointing in a direction. There is no real line yet we feel a line. Eyes looking in a direction, especially characters looking at each other create a psychic line.

[grimoiresgirlsrp]

First and foremost, a big thank you to everyone who applied for our first ever acceptance! As you can tell, we had a lot of hard decisions we had to make during this process. We loved reading through each app, and if you’d like to contact us for feedback moving forward, we’re more than happy to do so! Just be patient with us today and tomorrow as we get everything ready to go and finally open! 

At this time, MARS and RISING are still open skeletons. As you are reading through the accepted characters, please take special note of the two additional roles that has been added to the roster. When deciding between roles, we found the characters in question were different and substantial enough to stand alone as unique, new skeletons. This is not something that will be happening again, so please don’t rely on this for future acceptances. These new skeletons will also never be reopened for apps; if they are retired, that is the end of their place within the group!

You have 24 hours to send your blog in! Please check the checklist after you’ve been accepted.

ACCEPTANCES UNDER THE CUT

Welcome ITA as the role of SUN, Marisol Hernandez!

“Her intense moods caused a sweet and bubbly child to develop a fiery temper to go along with her vehement opinions.” This was the line that sold me on Marisol! I love how well you thought out the parts of her skeleton and integrated them into her personality, and how you really brought out the raw emotion and “strange” personality traits into her existence. Marisol seems like she will fit in very well here, and I’m so excited to see where her feisty nature takes her! Your Pinterest board was also adorable, and I love a good aesthetic, and I truly feel you nailed the essence of Sun with your portrayal of Marisol, so welcome!

Welcome LIA as the role of MERCURY, Marina Choi!

The softness of Marina is what actually drew us to her the most! “Marina is quick and perceptive, and often asks questions that encourage the other party to reveal more about themselves than they might ordinarily.” Her soft nature makes her approachable but we can tell that she’s still very sly and quick-witted when it comes to learning more about people. All of her headcanons and personality traits are so well thought out and great add-ons to give us insight into just what kind of person Marina is! I also love that her drink of choice is honey green tea or oat matcha latte, because same.

Welcome KALI as the role of PLUTO, Mara Duquesne!

So… wow. From the very start, I was obsessed with Mara and your writing, and you had me smiling more than once through your app. Her name meaning right down to the thought you genuinely put into the inspiration I drew from Pluto for her skeleton was honestly incredible, and your entire app was a joy to read. You’ve created something beautiful! My favorite line in particular came from “Her core conflict is the renewal and rebirth that she must undergo in order to progress as a person”. This was so deep, so fitting, and a truly amazing read! Can’t wait to have you and Mara both here.

Welcome ELLIE as the role of VENUS, Lucrezia Bianchi!

The sheer amount of detail and effort put in this application is stunning. Vera and I fell in love with Lucie immediately. The mob family take is so interesting and perfect at the same time. “Lucrezia is a woman of many faces.” This line is actually a perfect depiction of just the kind of person Venus is--exactly what everyone else needs her to be, but deep down she’s just alone and she loathes it. Also that pinterest is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen, wow. We said that a couple of times while reading, so thank you for bringing her to life for us to enjoy!

Welcome LYRA as the role of CHIRON, Clementine Chastain!

This was a pretty tough decision, as both apps took very different directions and were both very good. I found that Clementine managed to captivate a deep sense of the skeleton and what wounded healer could mean. The part that especially sold me was the headcanons about her magic and the disappointment she will face when she discovers that healing is her gift; what room for growth! I think you took an underused concept of a sort of farm girl trope and created something subtle but powerful, and that is a great fit for Chiron! 

Welcome LISSA as the role of SATURN, Maia Goldfinch!

Maia is so precious, from her personality to all the quirks and headcanons you listed. I love that she’s so interested in making little knick knacks and that she’s into clockmaking! Are you kidding? That’s amazing. “She’s tender in a way that bruises.” It’s such a simple but hard-hitting sentence. She’s sensitive, a bit broken, but she doesn’t stop trying to grow and I love that. (Plus we love a Leap Baby around here!)

Welcome MEG as the role of MOON, Zelenia Rosi!

I love a character that is left wanting, and that is exactly the Moon portrayal you gave us! Like her skeleton name, Zelenia wanes and wants like the moon, but what really sold me on your muse was she isn’t afraid to be cold, mean, and a true ice queen. Your portrayal of Moon really captured that deeply rooted confidence I hoped for, and I loved the slight twinge of fame she experienced in Greece, especially compared to the way America and Salem has provided a “blank slate” for her to become her own figure in the world. You brought forth a memorable character and that’s why we loved her!

Welcome YANG as the role of URANUS, Carter Yoon! *Nana Komatsu FC

There was so much about this app that I truly enjoyed, but what I found really special was your idea for the future progression of her powers. Having that sense of balance when it comes to her Necromancy truly excited me, but overall, it was Carter’s raw despair and fighting spirit that had me sold on her. I did indeed listen to your playlist as I read your app, and I loved how immersive you got with every idea. Carter is a beautifully thought out character, and we’re pleased to have her! (If you decide you’d rather use one of the other fcs instead of Nana, let us know! We’d be happy with any of the three, but Nana was too sweet to pass up for us.)

Welcome TASH as the role of ECLIPSE, Anaïs Moon! *Zendaya FC

“Anaïs Moon is whoever she chooses to be - but first, she’s dead.” The idea the Anais was a stillborn at first before roaring to life is a unique take on the character and your entire depiction of the character was great--but we thought she was such a great stand alone character that we decided to make an additional skeleton--there was just too much we loved about both Uranus applicants that we figured the best way to compromise was to add an additional character. Anaïs surprised us with exceptional grit, and the con artist note was a beautiful take on the skeleton! This will only be special to your character and will never be used in the future, should you decide to retire your character. I can’t wait to see your portrayal of Anais in the group! (The skeleton for her will be released shortly!)

Welcome TOR as the role of NEPTUNE, Aisling Ó Conghalaigh!

There is such a special delicate nature in Aisling that I really enjoyed! We spent a lot of time really considering the apps for this role, and it was a tough call, but for me the poetic nature of the little Irish dreamer really captivated the whimsy of the skeleton. Neptune is romantic and full of fantasy, and I loved how a lot of Aisling life is surrounded around that very thing; love. She is full of sparkle & shine, and I couldn’t be happier to accept both you and her to the group! 

Welcome HEATHER as the role of CONSTELLATION, Asteria Rae Dawson!

I think despite her childish nature and curiosity, Asteria is intelligent and knows exactly what she wants. Her career in the arts and becoming an art teacher fits her personality very well and I appreciate the amount of detail you put into your character. It was such a hard choice when we narrowed it down to you and the other applicant, that we just couldn’t turn you down. So we, like for Eclipse, have made a role specific for you. Again, this character is special to you and will be retired once you wish to retire your character in the future. We cannot wait to see your portrayal of Asteria! (The skeleton for her will be released shortly!)

[ghostmartyr]

SnK 117 Thoughts

Action scenes!

All the wrong people achieving minor victories!

Fist fights that are Eren’s only means of honest communication anymore!

Brotherhood.

All this and more in another edition of Eren coming closest to checking himself while he wrecks himself.

-tosses confetti-

To be honest, the most worrying thing about this chapter to me is that Zeke shows up at the end. I figured that’s how this battle kept going, but I thought that would be the last ‘surprise’ of the volume. A next month thing.

If he’s already here, signs point to the handshake that breaks the world happening at the end of next chapter.

Even having no idea what Eren’s up to, but full confidence that he’s not a hundred percent on board with Zeke’s ideas for what they should be up to... Do Not Want. Zeke and Eren are like bulls in china shops (disregarding what Mythbusters says about that). Whatever’s coming, it isn’t going to be a tiny thing like brainwashing an entire island into forgetting their history. These are young men of vision.

That’s next month’s problem, though.

This month, we get another chapter that makes me think I’m going to go back to my Return to Shiganshina motto of wondering how pretty the anime is going to make all of this.

When we’re once again in Shiganshina. And Eren and Reiner are once again brawling.

This is not a critique, it’s just me pointing out that action scenes in this series are not the fastest way to any of the ongoing trauma elsewhere in the series being resolved. ...And my natural reaction to action-heavy chapters when I’m writing these posts is to kind of gesture at the chapter and be all, “you saw it, didn’t you?”

But that’s, of course, underselling all the emotional drama we still have to sort through. Starting with Eren’s upgrade to not just confusing his friends and the audience at large, now even Yelena is probably wanting to put her head in her hands and just wonder why the fuck.

With the answer apparently being that Eren feels like beating up Reiner.

Let’s put all that in the Later tab, because Eren and his problems of being Eren deserve a little more pondering before I say anything. ...Besides one reminder remark that Eren’s inherited the Attack Titan, and we haven’t yet really delved into hat it means that Titans seem to have their own outlines of a personality. With Paths moving to the forefront, that might be changing.

Or Eren just feels like beating up Reiner.

Moving on, it’s time for everyone’s favorite topic!

Fuck Marley.

This is one of those story elements I will be much less hissy at once the story is over. Unless the story does something stupid. But for now, every single time we focus on the non-Warrior conflicts of Marley, my only regret is that Zeke and Eren’s massacre in their country was so limited.

Hyperbole obviously in effect, but

Let me try to start somewhere that isn’t mindless screaming about how Marley can just go fuck right off, and how being relieved that a child soldier you’ve crafted has made it back to safety doesn’t actually make you a better person, you absolute fuckwit.

As the narrative stands, the people from Marley are the only ones with power who aren’t fucking over their personal allegiances. Zeke’s screwed over everyone. Eren has actively damaged his friends. The 104th is powerless unless they want Armin to start really making things explode.

The Warriors and Magath have a very straightforward mission, and they’ve kept to it. This is their military operation, and there’s a plan. It makes sense that they’re kind of rolled into the protagonist role of this battle. Eren’s being fucking Eren, the Warriors have legitimate grief, they’re trying to save a child behind enemy lines...

Here, as ever, is the problem.

Fuck Marley.

Just... just to try and find some words to my indignation that only this particular set of characters can capture so well, Helos. Helos the hero. The untainted, hollow hero.

The hero who secretly made a pact with both sides to end the violence and spend a century lying about how they found peace, leaving an immeasurable mark on the state of Eldians until Willy strolls up one fine day and decides, you know what, maybe we can cool it with all this lying, but we absolutely need to go after the same targets all that lying created.

Willy was willing to die for his beliefs.

His belief was that throwing Paradis under the bus was perfectly acceptable.

Marley is full of stubborn people determined to see their missions out, but every single time we approach their point of view, it drives me nuts that we are spending any time humanizing the desire for Marley to come out the winner here.

Galliard, you have a legit beef with Eren. He uses you to kill someone you could have counted among your comrades, and the trauma alone would make any desire for vengeance immediately acceptable.

But ah yes, your home town.

I know Marley keeps their people in ignorance. I know Eldians considering that their grandest aspiration in life is to die is possibly more dangerous than simply living that fate out. I know Galliard’s mostly been involved in wars that are about fighting people they’re at war with, and protecting his people.

Unless I’ve been paying even less attention than I think, they’re in Shiganshina.

Marley cracked the walls open like a nut. They used children to do it. They committed genocide without once getting their hands dirty in order to maybe drag out the Founding Titan.

All of this built on the backs of Eldians. Having the Founding Titan means having a compliant Eldian. Having Titans at all means having Eldians.

Eren’s assault on Liberio is awful. It mirrors the horror of Shiganshina, and nothing about how the plot progresses is going to make me okay with what he and Zeke went for there.

But in terms of the devastation caused?

Eren’s willingness to kill children to accomplish his goal of wiping out the top brass is disturbing, and can’t match Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie’s naive willingness to kick down a door when they’re 10-12.

Liberio is still only one town.

Opening up the walls kills a lot more than one town. Some of it through Paradis’ own tactics, but as much as I like Galliard, and understand how much he’s lost...

Marley destroys a third of Paradis because it can.

No declaration of war, no warning. They treat Paradis the way they treat all Eldians: As a resource Marley is so entitled to they have no need to recognize them as anything more.

What Eren does is appalling and wrong.

But Galliard’s continued focus on that is its own kind of sickening. These people have never been confronted with the horrors they’ve participated in. Your home town, Galliard? Your brother?

How about your home town, your mother, your friends, a third of your country, and watching your own government send out a further 20% of the remaining population on a suicide mission so the rest of them survive.

All from a completely unprovoked attack.

Eren at least waits to hear Willy’s declaration of war.

Galliard’s motives are honestly very understandable, but compared to the history we’ve lived through with the Paradis side, it’s nothing. It’s a whining child who hasn’t realized that a world beyond him and his exists.

Then there’s Magath, and his line about putting an end to a hundred years of resentment.

What, resenting the island? Thanks to a lie your hero agreed to?

Resenting titans? After using them as your primary military force since the second you were given back your autonomy?

You people fucked up your own world! Marley policy has kept the fear of titans alive. Marley’s current strategy is bringing the hatred focused on them back to an island that, as far as they know, hasn’t had any interaction with the outside world for a hundred years.

Paradis isn’t perfect. Entire essays written solely about how fucked up Paradis is would be very easy to write. Armin’s probably written about thirty, in-universe.

What they’ve done is still not comparable to what Marley’s done.

The characters might feel the emotional weight similarly, but the crimes are not anywhere close to the same.

So having these guys arguing that they’ll claim the Founding Titan and save the world? The world they didn’t think twice about breaking whenever it was convenient for them? The world they only now care about because the strength of titans is turning obsolete?

Fuck Marley.

Reiner’s honestly my favorite part of this chapter, even if he continues to cling to the wrong theme. He’s upset over Gabi and Falco, but he looks at Eren, and he actually sees Eren. Reiner is someone who has stopped trying to find a moral high ground in this fight. He has his mission, he has his people, and trying to work out the rest is insanity.

They’ll all be dead soon.

They’re all miserable.

“What do you get... from living any longer?! Eren... I’ll end this for you.”

I said a few chapters back that this is a series about suicide. It’s Zeke’s entire motivation; getting the rest of the world to the place he is. It’s time for them all to end. Here, Reiner, despite theoretically being on the anti-Zeke side, is expressing the exact same sentiment.

They’re all going to die anyway. They’ve all suffered enough. It can be over. Ending it can be an act of kindness.

Eren agreed with that once, too.

“At the very least… I want you to end it all for me.” --65

The answer he got then was very simple.

“When I see someone crying, saying… no one needs them… I want to tell them… It’s not true.”

What do you get from living any longer?

Whatever you want. It’s your fucking life. No one else has the right to decide when it should end.

Now we get to the fun stuff, because that look Eren has comes directly after Reiner spouts his big brother’s entire philosophy. Mentally, but this is a story. Eren’s most furious look comes from something he once asked for. Reiner trying to bring him to a peaceful end.

That thing Zeke wants for all Eldians.

That’s what comes before Eren’s emotions rise back to the surface.

Yelena and her merry crew don’t understand why Eren goes ahead and starts this fight, and really, neither do I. As a beacon for Zeke to follow, it’s a seriously dangerous one, and Marley knowing exactly where Eren is means they don’t have to worry about accidentally killing other human-sized bodies on the ground. Hiding and recollecting probably would have worked out better.

But we’re far enough into this arc that I’m really mostly fine with Eren doing things that don’t make sense. If the answer is just that he’s emotionally fragile enough that seeing Reiner meant he had to fight Reiner, I’d accept that.

Then Zeke shows up, and. Siiiigh.

I don’t know what happens next, but Eren looks so young when his big brother steps in to help. Eren’s been fighting alone this entire time. He doesn’t seem to like Yelena or Floch. He’s taken steps to make sure his friends stay away from him. He accepts the assistance freely offered, but his mission is his own.

My personal opinion is that Eren has very different plans for the Founding Titan’s powers than what the narrative has told us. His furious fight for life in this very chapter is a point in favor of that.

But whatever it’s used for, there’s one other person in the world who’s trying just as hard to reach him.

Zeke and Eren are doing, and will do, horrible things. Eren’s motives might not line up with Zeke’s, but Zeke is still his partner in this. Zeke knows what it’s like to cut off everything else except their mission. He knows what it’s like to be alone without an ally he can fully trust with his vision for the world.

They might have different visions, but Zeke understands everything Eren has gone through, and in Eren’s most desperate moment, he shows up.

Until the end of whatever happens, his big brother is fighting to make it to his side. He’s here to protect Eren and change the world with him.

Eren’s a disaster, but the look on his face sells how hard all of this has been. Since he was fifteen, he’s been shouldering the fate of humanity alone. Now, he has someone in his corner who’s held that burden for even longer.

It probably won’t go well. Even this bond might fall to pieces if their philosophical differences come out.

But for right now, Eren has his big brother.

.

Oh and in other news, Gabi paying attention to all the wrong things means that Marley knows the requirements for making the Founding Titan go zoom.

Next chapter is just going to end with Eren and Zeke’s hands finally meeting. The last page is a blank white one that says ‘the heart’.

...I do kinda love that while this is going on, everyone in the cells just assumes that the Wall Titans are now walking around. SURPRISE! you’re at war. That’s going to be fun to cope with when your building inevitably suffers a hole.

Next month is going to be... a lot.

[learnandjoy]

Misunderstandings and misinterpretations often occur due to a lack of clear and open communication. If you choose to be silent instead of speaking on something

So don't be surprised if there are further fights and repeated fights.

You cannot imagine what assumptions people will make about you. so always express yourself clearly.

Do not hesitate to open up and talk. You will never learn to express your thoughts if you allow fear of talking or speaking to overpower you.

Learn from the people around you who are confident and comfortable enough in expressing what they think and feel.

Avoid being vague in your statements. If you wish to be understood easily, use simple and direct statements.

Tell the person what you feel as of the moment. If the conversation relies heavily on emotions, communicate as well your feelings so that you will be better understood.

Acknowledge Your Emotions

Acknowledge Your Emotions

We all have feelings and we all feel something in our life at some point. Due to some emotions being associated with either pain and or some embarrassing aspect, we feel fear and embarrassment and due to that fear and embarrassment we are unable to express our feelings.

If you will recognise and accept them, then you can avoid many problems as well as if you getting closer to your emotions in this way will help you get in better touch with your feelings and therefore reduce anxiety and depression in your life. This is vital to improving your mental health state. So first accept your feelings

Write about Your Feelings

Write about Your Feelings

Start writing about your feelings in a journal or notebook. This can be a great way to connect with yourself. It also helps to validate your feelings which is important because you will understand your likes and dislikes through this process.

Verbalise your feelings in a productive way

Verbalise your feelings in a productive way:

It is important to know how to transform your emotions from a raw, unedited situation into a productive one that does not hurt you or those around you.

"For example, instead of yelling at someone and hating them, it would be productive for your relationship with that person" 

Use a good blog and magazine to explore different ways of expressing it.

It is very difficult to express your feelings in a productive way, this requires practice.

If you can apply this to your life, you will see a significant improvement in how others around you connect with you and can also generate peace of mind for you.

Express Creatively

Express Yourself By Creatively:

Writing, dancing, music, and fashion are fantastic outlets to express inner emotions and make you happy. For example, if you’re feeling sad, you might choose a dull outfit, or if you’re feeling happy, you might choose to wear bright colours to portray that feeling. It can be a great way to connect to yourself and others on your emotional state. 

In the same way, accessories can be a great way to reflect your emotions as well as who you are as a person which is vital to being your most authentic self. Being authentic in your life is essential to your mental health and happiness

Here are lots of ways to express yourself:

Paint

Painting is a great way to let your thoughts out you can create something that clearly connects with who you are and what you feel, or you can create something abstract yet just as meaningful so you can express yourself by painting.

Take photographs

Photographs capture your feelings and experiences. If you see something that catches your eye and inspires you, take a picture and express through it.

Write a story

Writing allows you to get your feelings down on paper. Whether you’re writing a fictional story or releasing your own feelings (or maybe both), you can create something out of your thoughts and ideas this also may express yourself.

Create outfits

Fashion is a great way to express yourself! Putting outfits together is an awesome way to use your creativity!

Dance

Though dance may take some getting used to for some people, especially in front of an audience, dancing is an effective way to break out of your shell! Dancing in your room is fun too.

Play music

If you already know how to play an instrument, that’s awesome; you can play and create music that tells a story! If you want to know how to play an instrument, you can take lessons and learn how music can be a creative outlet for you to express yourself.

Draw

If you love details, drawing may be a great form of self-expression for you! When you draw, you create something beautiful from simply using a pencil and paper. How cool is that?

Speak to people

If you really love something, a great way to express yourself is to teach other people about it! You can do this by speaking at an event, talking to your friends, tutoring your peers in a subject you love, or giving your siblings advice or many-more ways you may try.

Code

Love computers? 

Coding can be used to do all sorts of cool things such as build websites. If you don’t know how to code but are interested in coding, there are many places where you can learn more about how to code try once to express yourself.

Plan events

Maybe you love planning your birthday parties or working with your family to plan your family events. When planning events, you get to use your creativity and organisational skills at the same time.

Film videos

Film has the power to bring experiences to life. Whether you enjoy celebrity interviews, music videos, or inspiring movies, create a video yourself! Be a reporter and interview one of your friends. Make a movie using your own script. Sing an original song and direct a video or maybe start on youtube also.

Construct something

Use your creative mind to build something in art & Craft if you have never done before can check out classes & Videos about.

Bake 

Baking allows you to experiment! For those of you who love science, did you know that you actually use Chemistry while baking? Of course, decorations allow you to express yourself too and you get a sweet treat out of it to express yourself.

Write a script

Writing lines and coming up with personalities for characters is different from the writing you’re probably used to, and it’s an amazing way to exercise your mind! Write something silly and perform it for your family or friends that can also be an amazing way to express yourself.

Act in a play

Actors are also important to a play or movie. Channeling another person might not seem like a way to express yourself, but acting actually opens you up to new perspectives and increases self-esteem 

Invent a game

Have the games you play gotten a little boring? Create your own! Whether you want to build your own board game or write funny sayings on cards, create a game that YOU really love.

Make a comic book

Another interesting form of writing is comic book writing. Create your own comic book or comic strip starring you and your friends. Invent your own hero or make yourself the hero of your comic book.

Create a quiz

Write your own quiz, about you, your fave celebrity, anything And have your social media friends to engage it.

Keep a journal

In a journal you can express all of your feelings and share your adventures! A journal, like any of these activities and art forms, can be whatever you want it to be-it can be Look for how you can make your own journal by blogs and many websites.

B-Smart

The best way to express yourself is by embracing your intelligence and sharing your passions & show the world how brilliant you are.

please help us to do better by your comments share and follow us as well you are most welcome for any correction if any required thanks for your visit.

Pahal Kaushik

Pk17-May 22, 2020

[recentanimenews]

The Wize Wize Beasts of the Wizarding Wizdoms

“Whimsical tales of anthropomorphic beasts in love”–or so the dust jacket of The Wize Wize Beasts of the Wizarding Wizdoms promises. The eight stories in this collection do feature a race of half-animal, half-human creatures who generally behave like boys at a British boarding school, forming intense friendships that sometimes cross the line into romance. I’m a little reluctant to call these stories “whimsical,” however, as that word implies a certain degree of playfulness that was lacking in most of the stories, some of which were intensely sincere, and some of which raised legitimate questions about boundaries and consent.

Wize Wize Beasts unfolds at a special academy “dedicated to the study of wizardry,” where demi-humans of every imaginable type peacefully co-exist as they learn the arts of potion-making, spell-casting, and alchemy. Each story centers on a pair of opposites: prey and predator, teacher and student, mammal and reptile, smart and average, gay and straight, plain and pretty, human and animal. The one exception focuses on a pair of vampire bats who look and act so much alike that their classmates sometimes mistake them for identical twin brothers. Most of the stories, however, fall under the general heading of “unrequited love,” in which one demi-human pines for his opposite, but can’t muster the courage to say how he feels.

In the most enjoyable chapters–“Marley & Collette,” “Cromwell & Benjamin”–Nagabe explores the healthier side of attraction, showing how strong feelings of admiration and concern can bring out the best in friends, allowing for moments of tenderness, warmth, and emotional honesty even when the friendship remains platonic. My favorite–“Mauchly & Charles”– read like an irresistible mash-up of Winnie the Pooh and The Girl from the Other Side, focusing on a bear (Mauchly) and the human he rescued (Charles) from a dark, rainy forest. After Charles returns to his own world, he and Mauchly hold an annual reunion, using this ritual as an opportunity to reflect on what’s changed in the ensuing year. The story offers positive messages about the power of male friendship, modeling the kind of emotional vulnerability and candor between two male characters that is largely missing from movies, television, and comics.

The weakest stories in the collection, by contrast, often conflate possessive or coercive behavior with romantic attraction, justifying one character’s actions by suggesting his feelings were so intense that they compelled him to transgress social norms. In “Doug & Huey,” for example, a crow (Doug) carries a torch for his handsome friend Huey, who–natch–is a peacock. Though Huey spends most of his time chasing girls, Doug’s devotion to him is unwavering–so much so, in fact, that Doug sabotages Huey’s efforts to land a girlfriend so that Huey will “never be closer to someone else.” Huey, for his part, is so deeply narcissistic that he doesn’t recognize Doug’s controlling behavior, creating a deeply toxic bond between them that is presented as a simple case of unrequited love.

The issue of consent lingers over other chapters in Wize Wize Beasts as well. “Alan & Eddington,” for example, depicts the friendship between a brilliant Siamese (Alan) and a hardworking rabbit (Eddie) who’s dazzled by his classmate’s effortless mastery of complex subjects. Afraid that Alan will reject his advances, Eddie concocts and serves him a love potion. While under the influence of Alan’s spell, Eddie compels Alan to kiss him and profess his love for him–a scene that’s meant to be a little naughty, I think, but instead registers as squicky. Alan confronts Eddie about the incident, but then invites Eddie to “start over” without a magical aide, undercutting the power of his previous speech about Alan’s “cowardly” behavior.

If I was sometimes ambivalent about the content, I found Nagabe’s crisp illustrations thoroughly enchanting. His anthropomorphic character designs capture the essential animal natures of each character while retaining just enough human features for Nagabe to plausibly swathe them in flowing capes and tweedy trousers. Nagabe’s command of light, shadow, and line is superb, creating a strong sense of place without excessive reliance on screentone or tracing; his characters inhabit a well-defined world that has been vividly rendered on the page.

In the afterword to Wize Wize Beasts, Nagabe cheerfully jokes about “winning” readers over to his particular fandom. “I’d be deeply honored if this work exposes more people to non-human characters,” he notes. “And if you start to think, ‘Wow, non-human characters are awesome,’ go on. Get in there up to your neck.” I can’t say that Wize Wize Beasts made me a convert, but I did admire Nagabe’s creativity, sincerity, and honesty, as well as his willingness to take narrative risks that might not pay off with all readers. Your mileage may vary.

THE WIZE WIZE BEASTS OF WIZARDING WIZDOMS • STORY AND ART BY NAGABE • TRANSLATED BY ADRIENNE BECK • SEVEN SEAS • RATED TEEN • 228 pp.

By: Katherine Dacey

[dj-yukio]

EAD: Pyrrhic Promise

“How about a game of chess? That’s one of the games you’re more familiar with, I presume?”

Of all the things that she had expected the strange looking child-like demon to ask of her, Emma hadn’t quite expected for it to request for her to play a game of chess. A simple strategy game of chess, that mama taught her and always won against Norman, Ray and her with ease.

Why hadn’t she expected it? Mainly because below the land where both night and day coexisted, there was a battle going on, between the demons, the clan, and them. She did think that they would be on a tight schedule, especially if they were trying to avoid any deaths. Even though there was no doubt in her that they could survive this, she would rather reduce as many casualties that was bound to happen on both sides. 

She didn’t want to lose anymore of her family, and neither did she think that their enemies truly wanted to incur a huge loss. But both sides truly hated each other for what the other wanted. Their side, a life of true freedom and for most the complete extinction of the bacteria known as demons. The other, power, influence and the ability to maintain their form. 

And that was why she was here, wasn’t it, now that she thought about it. So that she would be out of the battlefield, unable to see what had come out of the situation. So that they could finally do what they had set out to do, while ensuring that she wouldn’t be ‘upset’ over how their last stand had gone, no matter whose side won. To think that Norman was the one to suggest it too, with the others backing him up with reasons that were all plausible... perhaps she wasn’t as entirely naive to their true intents, contrary to popular belief. That was what months and years of worrying over survival resulted in.

She should really just demand for the promise to be remade.

Yet, she nodded, giving in to the demon’s request just as a chessboard materialised in front of them, the pieces all nicely set for both sides. Emma didn’t think that she was in any position for her to demand anything, even if she was clearly in a hurry. Then again, she didn’t expect that time was a concept here, if it even existed in this void. A place where nothing was, and yet everything existed.

The whole place really enjoyed confusing her. Ray would be much more helpful here, with how much more of a strategist he was.

She dashed up the stairs, making use of the diversion that they had created with just the simple cloak and dagger strategy. 

Or rather, she thought, the well executed cloak-and-smokebomb-and-flash grenade-and-dagger-and- 

Well, you got the idea.

Emma hurried on towards the temple. The town it was situated near to was in a disarray, desperately trying to chase after the humans. Why would they not? After they had freed their other siblings, be it through raids or fires in the factories, it was chaos as famine spread across the land. Of course the demons would be desperate to hang on to the last bit of humanity they had in them, assuming that they could even chase the humans.

She skipped past the demons who were lying down that had starved to death and farted into the entrance that they had found a while ago before their first base was ambushed. 

Finally, their four year journey could end.

Their journey, their quest, to find the land that had been promised to them, once a far distant dream, was now coming to its end. The chase, the deaths they had seen, the hunting, the running. The nightmares could finally end.

All she had to do now, was meet with Him.

Find His room.

Give Him an offering.

He’ll meet you once you have greeted him.

Rewrite the promise.

They had chosen for her to go as she was the one who had seen the visions at the eye. They had chosen for her to go as she had been, from the start, given the chance to meet him.

They were all counting on her to play her part to end this world.

Gripping the pendant that had been given her so long ago by musica, Emma climbed down the passageway, following the tunnel in the darkness by feeling against the wall. It was empty, and she wondered how far the tunnel would go when a dim light shined in the darkness.

It could have been a trap, but she doubted it. The passageway was empty, and she followed the light to a room.

Find His Room. Done.

And there, in the middle of the room, exactly as she had remembered Him, was his statue. A bowl sat before it, empty and clean.

Give Him an offering. She looked at the pendent in her hands. It would be done.

She placed the pendant before the statue. Then she got on her knees, kneeling in front of the altar before bowing down to the statue.

Greet him.

When she got back up, she was no longer in the candle lit room. Instead, she could clearly see the stars above her while the light blue under contrasted with the darkness above.

The place where night and day met.

“The living human. You’ve finally come.”

A hand reached in front of her eyes, beckoning her to take it. She did, and there He was, in the flesh. Child like, almost like a hybrid of both humans and demons, but yet had a sense of regality that royalty would have. He seemed to be in a good mood, helping her up from her position.

“Emma, wasn’t it? How unusual, for someone like you to come by.”

So, he remembered her?

How old was she then when she saw him with those visions? How old was she now?

4 years had passed by in a flash, with all their preparations, their travelling, their losses.

She was 12. She was now 16. She grinned at that, scratching the back of her head.

“It has been a while, huh. I-“

A chessboard materialised in front of them before she could answer. Gesturing for her to sit down, He looked a bit sheepish.

“I told you we’ll have fun. It’s been a while since I’ve played a chess game, and even longer ago with a human. Won’t you entertain my request?”

“Wha-what?”

A chess game? It had been a while since she had the luxury of doing that with either Norman or Ray. For him to suggest that... what was he playing at? She didn’t think that she would want to keep them waiting for so long...

A chuckle rumbled through the air, breaking her out of her thoughts. 

“We can help each other here. You came here with a purpose, didn’t you? I would like to play a game. So, we talk about what you want while we play the game.”

It almost seemed sinister, the innocent face that he had as he seemed to judge her.

“In fact, if you win, I’ll grant the request. If you lose, well... I’ll just send you back. There’s no major loss for you. It’ll just be a normal game.”

That piqued her interest. A chance to get the promise rewritten no matter the terms?

There was no way that she could lose. Everyone was depending on her!

She sat down, nodding to his request. He seemed pleased with her answer, and they proceeded to play.

“So, what do you want so much that you came here?”

She took a deep breath, looking at the board. He had her pinned, and this was early in the game. She moved the queen away, leaving her knight open to the pawn.

“I want to rewrite a promise.”

To his credit, he didn’t seem so surprised. “Rewrite a promise, huh. Not make yet another promise. Interesting.” He scratched the bottom of his mask face, moving a pawn to capture her knight.  He held the captured knight and twirled it in his fingers. “I guess that no promises can truly last forever as long as it is self serving. So what’s the promise for the humans?”

She took a deep breath, trying to predict his moves. There was just so much attention from his characters on her queen, it was getting hard to keep her queen on the chessboard despite having already cleared out His own knights and queen. The stress was keeping her on her toes.

“I want all of us to be free. To never be hunted by demons again. I want for us humans to go to the human world that was designated for us.”

Yes. That was what both Norman and Ray had agreed for her to say as their mouthpiece. The reason that she was here... was all because of their plan to eliminate the demons. They would die much more easily, now that they were acting out of desperation rather than hunting them, making their movements were so much more predictable.

“Hmm. Alright. I can do that.”

She looked up from the chessboard, giving him a small smile. Fleeting images of faces passed through her mind, and her heart clenched at the ones they had lost and 

Connie. Hao. Sadie. All of their unknown siblings that had died, ignorant of the evils of this world.

Lucas. Yuugo. All that had lost their lives to protect them and give them a fighting chance.

And Norman, Ray, Gilda, Don, Phil, everyone from her original family and all their new siblings and friends.

They could finally be free if she won.

“But, there’s something else that you desire, is there not?”

Emma froze, the smile still on her face. 

How had he known-oh right he was technically god of this world.

She sat there quietly, wondering if she could safely voice out that wish of hers.

Then, “ 

“The promise must be for all sides. For you to rewrite a promise, you must ensure that the sides included will benefit just as they had before. Just as the last promise has done for both. Releasing you all, now, what about the demons? Are you suggesting they should all change their diets overnight? They might not be too happy about that that they may find ways to break the promise.”

Nodding, she sighed, wondering what she could do. Yes, this wasn’t a fair trade. But neither did she want to sacrifice anyone. It wouldn’t do for her if she had to give someone up just for them to escape.

She frowned for a bit, focusing on the game as she noticed how he seemed to be focused on taking her queen. He didn’t seem to be trying to touch any of her other pieces, but rather that specific queen. It wasn’t too suspicious, considering the queen’s capabilities, so it was no wonder that he would want to handicap her by taking away the queen.

An idea came to her, and she told him.

“Oh. Oh, that would most definitely work.”

He looked up at her, skepticism evident in his face as he touched his king.

“But they would never forgive you. Are you willing to go all the way with that?”

He moved his king into a precarious position, no doubt for her to make her final choice. She could either pick the room up and checkmate him, or she could intentionally lose by moving any other piece. 

“Are you sure?”

She moved the rook to the last row, trapping His king. Her eyes looked up to see the deity before her looked surprised. 

Checkmate.

“I’m sure.”

He nodded, stretching his hand out before shaking the hands of the player who had a flame burning from within, evident by the fire in her eyes.

“Good game.”

——————

The skies flashed with thunder, and both parties came to a stop for a moment as they saw the clear blue sky turn dark almost instantaneously.

“The sky!”

“It’s turned black-“

“It can’t be a storm-“

“-not night time-“

“-happened only once so long ago, so why-“

The chaos allowed time for both sides to realise, and cheers erupted from the children. 

But not everyone was happy.

“NOOO!”

A man in a suit fighting beside the demons fired a shot at the unsuspecting young child near him. He couldn’t let the promise go through. He wanted to stay! All his hard work, all his power-

It would be gone with this promise! 

The bullet flew near Phil’s head as cries for him to move sounded, and he turned just in time to see the bullet shooting towards him...

And bounce off harmlessly.

“What?”

More bullets rained down, the demons scratching against the humans, and yet nothing seemed to touch either side. 

The promise hadn’t broken under their protest, he realised before dropping his gun from the spectacle. He glared at the little girl who was making her way to be in front of him, seething as his side soon had guns pointed at them from all sides by children. 

Mere children! How humiliating. 

“What did you promise?”

Their guns were raised a little higher despite knowing it would probably not have any effect, in but she waved for them to put them down. She reached out a hand towards the fallen enemy, who barely restraint himself from spitting on it.

“Nothing much. Just for the people who wish to leave this world to be able to leave and the people who wish to stay to stay.”

She withdrew her hand before smiling at him.

“Don’t worry, you can stay here while we leave. Maintain your authority, since that’s what you want. Produce all the meat you like-”

“Emma!”

“-but,” her face seemed to have a silent determination to it, “we’ll always come back for them. The ones that want to leave will always be able to leave. And the ones who wish to stay will always be allowed to stay.”

The man known as Peter Ratri stared at her before growling lowly under his breath. “I’ll let you all go, but the ones that come back to retrieve the others, you’ll be in for a world of hurt.”

“...I know.”

/

Ray had a small smile as he stood beside her, watching as the younger children rushed across the bridge, the people from the human world looking at them with faces of shock and surprise as they appeared in their world. 

“By the way, Emma, what was the promise that you remade?”

She didn’t seem to hear him, only a gentle smile on her face as she watched everyone run across the bridge.

/

Had she always been this short? 

He had never really noticed it, but their height difference was rather huge, even to what he remembered. Wasn’t she taller than him at one point? But now, it was almost like he was towering over her in height.

It was almost like... she hadn’t grown over the past four years, Ray realised.

But that was impossible. She had to. It was only natural for that to happen over the years, for them to grow up.

Wasn’t it?

/

The wound that he had made on her arm, originally a long but shallow cut, quickly healed and soon, there wasn’t even a sign that he had even cut her.

He could feel the eyes behind him staring straight past him towards Emma, who had recovered from her initial surprise and was now smiling despite the gasps of the people who had already crossed the bridge. 

Norman was the first to break the silence, shock and fear etched on his face. Clearly, not even he had expected that to happen.

“Wha-what did you do?”

She smiled wistfully at them.

“I’m going to miss you all. March 5 2050.”

March 5 2050? That was a year from now. What did she mean?

Ray barely comprehended what she had said when she roughly pushed both of them through.

“Don’t forget it!”

The gateway started to close, and he snapped out of it along with the rest of the group.

And she continued to smile for them as she waved towards them before walking back towards the accursed world that they had all left from.

Never turning back once as they pounded against the barrier that slowly closed.

——————

“The adults now, the mamas and the whole system, they can’t leave, can they?”

“Make me immortal then.”

“Hmm?! 

“Then they can take mine. They can come after me. My flesh is theirs to take if they win.”

/

“The current institutions that have been set have not entirely crumbled. Peter Ratri intends to keep the power that he has here. So do his supporters. They would do whatever it takes to maintain the power, even if it means producing the cattle from themselves. There’s no way that they would let us

/

“Every year, I will go to the farms. I will tell them the truth, and they can decide if they wish to stay, or if they wish to leave. I will take two children from each farm and lead them out.”

“And they will be able to hunt you.”

“And they will be able to hunt me.”

A game. That would be what it looked like. She didn’t quite remember what moves she had played, but what she knew was that she was treading carefully as she started to risk her pieces. Yet, she had no intention of losing another piece.

A chuckle seemed to resound in the room, making her look up. He seemed rather amused by her method of playing the game.

“You’re playing quite the gamble, little Emma.”

She didn’t know if he was referring to her plan or the chess game, so she continued to stare at him, wondering what his next move would be.

He folded his arms, closing his eyes as he thought about it.

“Mm... the Ratri clan would still be in power. The institutions would still be in place. The demons could have their hunts. The ones who choose to stay can stay. The ones who choose to leave may leave.”

He scratched his chin.

And then a hearty laugh seemed to erupt, though not with malicious intent.

“Oh, you interest me a great deal, little Emma! This is such fun! You’re willing to do all that? What if you lose?”

“Oh. Oh, that would most definitely work.”

[lindsaynsmith]

10 Mind-Bending Cosmic Horror Films

10 Mind-Bending Cosmic Horror Films https://ift.tt/2NMS16d

A peek behind the curtain: this bracket gave us the most trouble out of all the 31 Days of Halloween lists. Definitions were tossed around, examples were given — but the more we tried to define what made a “Cosmic Horror” film, the more confused we got. Which is, of course, deeply, hilariously ironic.

Cosmic Horror is tied in the popular imagination to horror’s racist uncle H.P. Lovecraft, who defined it as “the fundamental premise that common human laws and interests and emotions have no validity or significance in the vast cosmos-at-large.” But things start to get confusing when you realize that Lovecraftian Horror and Cosmic Horror aren’t the same thing. And likewise, that merely being set in the cosmos does not a cosmic horror make. All told, Lovecraft’s definition is best: that cosmic horror fundamentally involves a terror predicated on the dislocation and dwarfing of human sense and understanding. Simply put, it is the disorienting horror of bumping up against something you don’t understand. That you can’t understand.

If gazing slack-jawed into the unknowable sounds like a fun night in, have we got the list for you. Keep reading for a look at the top ten cosmic horror films as voted on by Chris Coffel, Kieran Fisher, Brad Gullickson, Rob Hunter, Jacob Trussell, and myself.

10. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

The dawn of man. We get by with a little help from our friends. Our ancestors took a little bit of knowledge from beyond the infinite and transformed it into a killing blow. From our ability to take the life of another we rose out of the primordial ooze. Our great intelligence transformed into a series of potential catastrophe. A bone club launches into space and orbits the earth with enough firepower to obliterate our third rock from existence. With one small step, we create artificial life and become victim to its judgment. 2001: A Space Odyssey is a staggering work of cinema in which Stanley Kubrick and Arthur C. Clarke track humanity’s evolution through its great leaps in terrifying technology. Will we ever be worthy of the intelligence gifted upon us? Are our great brains doomed to descend rather than ascend? Is the Star Child a momentous triumph or just a next stride to doomsday? We are but apes forever reaching for the moon – Brad Gullickson

9. The Endless (2017)

What’s effective in The Endless is what is unknown, and for a large part of the movie, everything is unknown. What happened at this UFO death cult so many years ago that made two devotees leave? What is lurking out in the woods that have caused so many earthly anomalies around the community’s campgrounds? And why has no one aged? At the core of Justin Benson and Aaron Moorehead‘s sci-fi/horror tale are two brothers attempting to make up for the arrested development of their lives, but the scope of the story explodes as their work melds with their past filmography in a wholly unexpected way. Fatalistic and heady, The Endless is a curious look at thoughts and ideas just beyond the spectrum of our imaginations — Jacob Trussell

8. Event Horizon (1997)

A surface glance at Paul W.S. Anderson‘s Event Horizon might seem to argue against its inclusion on this list as rather than face an unknown the characters here are faced with hell. But in addition to the mystery of the black hole — is it a purely scientific anomaly, or is it a gateway to true evil?— it’s clear that these are hells of their own design. They can’t understand or comprehend their fates, and that fear of the unknown is exactly what terrifies the crew members. What is hell, after all, but the things that cause us our own greatest pain? It’s different for each of us, and as characters are subjected to a glimpse into this void their attempt at understanding comes in the form of unique suffering — Rob Hunter

7. Picnic at Hanging Rock (1975)

Peter Weir’s gauzy Aussie period piece might not have any of the traditionally tentacled cosmic horror hallmarks. But upon closer inspection, it absolutely fits the bill. Hanging Rock concerns a group of boarding school girls who disappear during a school outing. Time gets funny, and as if drawn by some magnetic force, they climb the outcropping and never return. Whether the girls were raptured, lost, or suicidal remains a matter of mystery. It’s a lack of certainty that Weir never resolves; that, instead, exposes the fragility and impotence of the film’s authority figures in the face of the unknown — Meg Shields

6. Uzumaki (2000)

Based on the manga of the same name, Uzumaki is an overlooked gem that didn’t gain the international recognition it deserved during the J-horror boom of the late 90’s and early 00’s. While the rest of the world was transfixed on the nation’s cinematic ghosts, this weird movie about a small town population being turned into spiral-shaped monstrosities flew under the radar. This is a nightmare on film— but that’s the beauty of it. The horror that unfolds is otherworldly and unexplainable, but it merely enhances the notion that the universe works in mysterious and terrifying ways. The inhabitants of the town in Uzumaki are tormented by the unknown and the film never clearly states why or how it’s happening. One day we’re all going about our business. Then, before we know it, we’re snails. – Kieran Fisher

5. The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

Taking a meta approach to filmmaking is a risky proposition. There’s always the possibility the film veers off into the mocking parody territory and if you’re dealing with a genre film that can elicit a negative reaction from the hardcore fans. Drew Goddard and Joss Whedon tiptoed this tightrope perfectly with the wonderfully entertaining, and incredibly bloody, The Cabin in the Woods. This is a movie that takes all the horror tropes that have been established over the years and uses them just as we know them while also managing to flip them on their head. It’s geared specifically towards those that love horror movies and those that hate them. As the film playfully toys with every genre convention imaginable it tries to get to the bottom of why all those terrible things that happen in horror movies happen. Turns out there are some evil gods that need appeasing. I knew it — Chris Coffel

4. Annihilation (2018)

If the crux of cosmic horror is a dizzying sense of established order coming apart at the seams— Annihilation takes the cake. Some unknown thing has landed in the wetlands. What it wants, and why its presence has caused reality to fold in on itself, is a mystery. Its presence has turned madness into a matter of proximity. By the end of the film, we’re none the wiser about the entity’s intentions or the kaleidoscopic fractals at its epicenter. What we’re left with is disorientation; vertigo after bearing witness to the collapsing of all things — Meg Shields

3. The Mist (2007)

If you’ve spent any amount of time in a busy supermarket then it’s highly likely that you’ve felt like insignificant meat in the grand scheme of things. But when you’re trapped in one because there’s a spooky mist outside that’s harboring creatures from the unknown… well, that’s pretty brutal as well. This is also the basic set-up of this Stephen King adaptation from Frank Darabont. It’s a simple story about monstrous invaders in many ways. At the same time, it’s also shrouded in mystery and ambiguity and feels apocalyptic. And while the overarching terror may be cosmic, the film also told us that the real horror was George Bush’s America. The shocking ending also contains some of the funniest gallows humor you’re ever likely to see. It’s such a shame that the TV show isn’t very good. — Kieran Fisher

2. Pulse (2001)

No film, whether from the horror genre or not, has captured the concept of loneliness with as painful a precision as Kiyoshi Kurosawa‘s Pulse. The film gives new meaning and power to the word “haunting” as it shows us a world where even the undead have come to dread the feeling of being alone in the universe. Ghosts are forcing their way back into our world, the living are committing suicide, and the world is crumbling beneath the weight of misery and ambivalence towards this thing we call existence. The film is equal parts terrifying and fascinating, but both feelings are layered with the depressing fear of not feeling anything at all — Rob Hunter

1. In the Mouth of Madness (1994)

Words are dangerous. With the click of a keypad or the flicker of a pencil, lives can be made or unmade. But the creator at the desk is not you. Do you read Sutter Cane? Crack the spine and discover your place in the universe. Skip to the end – you’re both the pawn and the star of your own story. In the Mouth of Madness is the closest cinema has ever come to capturing the existential dread upon which H.P. Lovecraft built his church. While others have attempted to directly adapt the unimaginable/unshowable horror of “The Lurking Fear” or “The Call of Cthulhu,” John Carpenter wisely sidestepped direct reference by focusing on his engine of cosmic paranoia. From space, humans are but a speck of insignificance, and yearning beyond such lowly station can only result in catastrophic knowledge. You are less than a fly. You’re a meaningless accident of biology. At best you are the butt of a joke to a creature raising its foot above your head – Brad Gullickson

Read more entries in our 31 Days of Horror Lists!

The post 10 Mind-Bending Cosmic Horror Films appeared first on Film School Rejects.

via Film School Rejects https://ift.tt/23tjcnD October 19, 2018 at 10:05AM

[happyblueriver-blog]

Life Changing Books You Should Add To Your Bucket List

Books are well… They are pretty much a way of expression, a type of art. The characters, the plot, doesn’t matter if its young adult, sci-fi, horror, classic or romance the majority are complex and different.

Personally I’m a book worm and love to read. Since I have memory I’ve always had a book in my hands. While I’ve been growing up, many books have changed me as a person and influenced the one I am today. Whenever it was the plot, the writing style, the characters, the location, something from the following books have a very special place in my heart.

(This list does not have a specific order, meaning 1-4 highest to lowest. I love all of the following books so I’m not putting one book on top of the other, they are all unique and incredible in their own way).

 Aristotle and Dante discover the secrets of the universe – Benjamin Alire Sáenz

The book is about Ari, a boy who keeps to himself, often self-doubts and has a brother in jail he knows nothing about and then there’s Dante, smart, poem loving and artistic boy. When they both meet and become friends, Dante slowly starts to break Ari’s shell which he has built for so long and starts to discover himself and the ways of the world.

 From the beginning I knew this book was going to become one of my favorites. The way the plot unfolds around the characters and their decisions is just…. Incredible. I have no words to explain how amazing it was to read this book, and finish it seeing the world in a different way. It’s beautifully, poetically written, telling Ari and Dante’s story as they pass from being teenagers to becoming young adults and living through real life situations young people experience these days. The friendship between Ari and Dante is very deep and caring, not cliché or forced and simply out of the box. It’s those rare and special friendships that don’t involve words but actions.

(Image taken from Tumblr.)

 Favorite Quote: “I got to thinking that poems were like people. Some people you got right off the bat. Some people you just didn't get--and never would get.”

 Looking for Alaska – John Green

 Miles Halter (whose nicknamed Pudge) is new to Culver Creek Boarding School and is thrown into a world of mystery, friendship, discoveries, mischief, love and lies everything that his life before wasn’t. Then there’s Alaska Young, smart, cunning and book loving Alaska is a human hurricane. Inexistent family, smoker and a drinker she intends to follow a self-destructive path. And somehow Pudge falls right into her orbit, leaving his heart open and changing him forever.

  Philosophical and honest, this book brought out the tears in me. The way the author created and showed Alaska’s personality was very real. The way life and death is brought to light in this book is brutally honest and open, so if you’re seeking a book that is not the popular - nerd School cliché I definitely recommend this one.

Drawing by Folkloor

 Favorite Quote: “Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia. (...) You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.”

 The Help – Kristen Stockett

A story set in the 60s in Jackson, Mississippi, this story is one to behold. Abileen Clark, a black maid who is raising a white child, can no longer hold back her bitterness against the way black people are treated. Minny Jackson, who seemingly never holds her bitterness back even though she tries to, starts working for a new person in town. Skeeter Phelan a white graduated woman who comes back home to find that her maid, Constantine, the person who really raised her has disappeared. Under strange circumstances, Abileen, Minnie and Skeeter start to work on a secret book that tells the crude story on how it really is to work as a maid in white homes.

The simple fact that this book exists is a blessing. I shed tears, laughed until my cheeks hurt and raged to the point of having to close the book to take a deep breath. It was a literal roller-coaster, and one that I would be willing to ride again. The situations treated in this book are all too real and it seems like nothing escaped the author’s hands. Loss and racism are just some of the many important issues touched in this book. So yeah, I consider this book very raw and honest, stunning yet heart breaking but most of all immersive and full of hope for a better society.

 Favorite Quote: “Every morning, until you dead in the ground, you gone have to make this decision. You gone have to ask yourself, "Am I gone believe what them fools say about me today?” 

 The BFG – Roald Dahl

 The book starts with the BFG (Big Friendly Giant) capturing a young girl named Sophie from her orphanage in England. He takes her to his homeland because if he returns her to England he fears that she will tell everyone giants exist and encourage others to hunt him down. On the other hand if he leaves her in his cave the other giants will most probably eat her because unlike the BFG these giants eat humans. When Sophie finds out about these giants and their “hobbies” she makes it her goal to stop them and with the help of the BFG and another unlikely ally they might just be able to.

I grew up with this book, no kidding. It’s technically a children’s book but that does not mean it is bad. The bond that grows between the BFG and Sophie is absolutely precious, it’s similar to a father-daughter relationship, something that neither one of them had experienced before, yet they unknowingly have. It also keeps your imagination alive with weird yet fantastic sceneries, a giant ridding an elephant, dreams that can be mixed together to become your perfect one… All these details make the book alive with creativity and imaginativity suited for all ages.

 Favorite Quote: “Dreams is full of mystery and magic . . . . Do not try to understand them.”

 Something all these books have in common is that I picked them up (and I am grateful I did) and finished reading them as a different person, with a different perspective, with new eyes and that is not something every book can do. So maybe you have read these, maybe you haven’t. Maybe you feel that books have the power to change you, open your eyes to situations, to the world or maybe you don’t feel that way. 

Hope you have an amazing day and thanks for reading my post! :)

[defaultjane]

Fanfic prompt: "Oh my god! You're in love with them!" Any characters you like!

I decided to go with Liara and Samantha, because I’ve never done that and I wanted to see what was there. I’m not sure how it worked out, but I think it’s definitely a ship worth exploring. :D Also, this was greatly inspired by THIS piece of art created by none other than @oceanmyhope  :)

Samantha leaned her head into her palm and sighed as she idly rearranged the pieces on the chessboard. Had it been all about wanting to win, she would’ve been perfectly happy with her winning streak, but the truth was, winning felt rather pointless when the competition was practically non-existent. It was the equivalent of playing a video game on “amateur” after having acquired all the possible power ups; it was too easy, it was overkill.

Playing against EDI had been challenging, but ultimately somewhat frustrating, because EDI’s fast pace sucked most of the fun out of the game. Samantha could plan moves ahead, but EDI could play out the entire game and adapt in seconds based on whatever move Samantha made. That too was overkill. She’d beaten EDI once, barely. It had felt surprisingly hollow despite it being quite an accomplishment.

“Is this seat taken?” Liara asked with a smile. Obviously it wasn’t, all the seats at the mess hall table were empty, the other members of the crew having gone back to their duties or to get some shut eye after their shifts.“Oh, it isn’t, please,” Samantha replied and gestured toward the empty seat across from her own.

“Do you feel up to playing a game?” Liara inquired, nodding toward the chessboard.“I had no idea you played.”

“I haven’t for very long, but I’ve found I quite enjoy it.”“Well, I would love to play,” Samantha smiled and slid the chessboard closer to the middle of the table.

Their game went on for a long while, and in the end, Samantha did win, but for the first time in a while, there was a sense of accomplishment accompanying the win. Her opponent had actually been a worthy one.

“This was fun, maybe we can play again some time,” Liara smiled.“I would like that a lot,” Samantha nodded.

(the rest is under the cut and at chapter 10 of Mass effect mischief at AO3)

Samantha shared Liara’s feeling of guilt over spending time doing something as frivolous as playing chess while they both should’ve been focusing their efforts on helping the commander figure out a way to end this war. However, there were times when nothing could be done, and they could’ve spent the time waiting and worrying, or alternatively, spend it together, playing chess.

Honestly, at this point, it wasn’t the game itself that Samantha found herself enjoying so much. It was the talking. She’d heard stories about the commander and the crew’s various adventures from the other members of the crew who’d been there since the very beginning, but they’d only scratched the surface.

Liara knew how to put more meat to the bones of the story, it wasn’t a simple description that went something along the lines of “pew-pew-pew and whoosh, and then explosion and monsters and more explosions”.  There was no useless bravado coloring the details, it was an honest telling of what had happened from Liara’s point of view, not excluding even the painful moments like the fight with Benezia or all the times her heart had gone out for Shepard when he’d had to face impossible odds and accept that the only decisions he could make were all bad.

“Shepard is an impressive commanding officer and a magnificent human being, but I admit that there are times when I can’t agree with him on everything. I suppose that’s why he’s in charge, he’s not afraid of making decisions which will make some people dislike him,” Liara said and moved her knight into position, getting ready to capture Samantha’s queen, or alternatively her knight. Either way, she’d lose a piece.

“He’s a good man, and sometimes being a good man comes at a great cost,” Samantha said as she eyes the board, trying to find a way to save her pawns.“Yes, being good requires a lot of sacrifices. There are times when one has to wonder is the good that comes out of it all truly worth it,” Liara mused as Samantha made the hard decision and saved her queen while sacrificing her knight.

“I don’t know how he does it,” Samantha muttered.“I don’t either,” Liara agreed. “Check mate.”

“Oh, bollocks,” Samantha scoffed and Liara chuckled quietly at her reaction.“I believe that we are tied overall. Want to keep playing or should we agree we’re both good and leave it at that?” she inquired. Samantha pursed her lips as she thought about it. At this point, she would miss the chats more than the game.

“Let’s agree to a tie and switch to a different game. Maybe cards?” she grinned.“I look forward to beating you at cards then, specialist Traynor,” Liara smiled and turned her attention to her omni-tool. It was time to get back to work, it seemed.

“Likewise, Doctor T’soni,” Samantha chuckled and gathered the chessboard and the pieces up as Liara exited the lounge.

“All right, what’s this, what’s happening, what’s going on here?” Kasumi’s voice demanded to know and she decloaked, appearing as if out of thin air onto the couch, startling Samantha so badly she dropped the board and the pieces.“You have got to stop doing that!” she exclaimed and took a few deep breaths to calm down before kneeling on the floor to pick up the items she’d dropped.

“Oh, my God! You’re in love with Liara.”“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” Samantha scoffed.

“Really? Because the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard was the story about a doctor who described a clitoris as a ‘non-functional penis-like appendage’. Don’t ask me how he ever passed medical school, or how he’d lived through his entire life without ever learning what a clitoris is,” Kasumi shrugged as she stood up and crossed the room to grab herself a drink at the bar.

“What…? What does that have to do anything?” Samantha frowned.“Nothing, I just wanted to share the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Compared to what you said is the most ridiculous thing you’ve heard, I think I got you beat.”

“I didn’t realize this was a competition,” Samantha rolled her eyes and got up, tucking the chessboard underneath her arm.“Hm, yes, much like you obviously didn’t realize you have feelings for Liara,” Kasumi said nonchalantly and took a sip of her drink.

“Don’t you think I would be the first to know if I did actually have feelings for someone?” Samantha challenged, her eyebrow quirking and Kasumi laughed quietly, shaking her head.“Obviously not. Come on, think about it. You love spending time with her, yes?”

“Okay, yeah, but I also love spending time with a lot of others too, so.”

“Uh-huh, so you’re saying that you don’t feel a warm little flutter in your chest every time she’s nearby? That you don’t miss her when you’re not together? That you don’t kind of forget to breathe every time she smiles at you? Because if that’s the case, then my mistake,” Kasumi chatted casually, knowing perfectly well she’d made no mistake.

“…I should go,” Samantha muttered, and Kasumi snorted.“That’s Shepard’s line!” she called out after her with a chuckled.

“Samantha. I’m sorry, I’m not really in the mood to play today,” Liara apologized when Samantha entered her office.“Oh, no, I wasn’t expecting you to be, that’s not why I’m here,” Samantha said quietly.

After Thessia’s fall, Liara had remained locked in her office. Shepard had managed to encourage her to continue working and get out of the slump she’d been in, but she was still far from fine. As was Shepard, only he was doing a better job at hiding it… out of desperate necessity. Escaping the evil into one’s lover’s arms would’ve been easier.

“I can’t imagine you’d want anyone human saying anything to you right now, least of all express their condolences with platitudes. Earth was attacked, yes, but… that doesn’t mean I know how you feel.”“Anyone human? What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s just… you know, the man responsible for all this… and for almost everything else that’s gone wrong recently is a human, a radical maniac who is beyond reason and doesn’t care how much he destroys as long as he gets what he wants. So…”“If you honestly think I would blame the entire humanity for the actions of one man and his followers, you clearly do not know me, specialist Traynor.”

“I… that’s not… I’m sorry, it came out wrong, I didn’t mean…” Samantha stammered, twisting her hands awkwardly.“It’s all right,” Liara assured quietly, finished typing whatever she’d been working on at her station and then turned her full attention to Samantha.

“I… came here because a part of me felt like I should do something or say something… even if I don’t exactly know what or how it could possibly make a difference…” Samantha began and Liara frowned a little bit, the slight quirk of her eyebrow implying she wasn’t sure she understood, but that she was curious to hear more.

“I can’t say anything that would fix things for you. I can’t do anything either, because I’m… well, I’m not Shepard,” Samantha continued with an awkward chuckle and shook her head a little.

“…but regardless, I needed to be here, I needed you to know that I… that I’m so… so sorry about what happened and that if I could do anything to erase all the pain, I would do it in a heartbeat, because… because you don’t deserve this. No one does, but especially not you.”

“Samantha, I appreciate your words and you being here, it’s nice to know you care, it really does mean a lot to me.”“I do care, and I sincerely wish there was more I could do…”

“You don’t need to do more, you’ve done everything you can, and that’s more than I could ask for. Thank you.”

“Liara…” Samantha said, stepping closer to her and reaching to take her hands into her own. “I don’t know what’ll happen in the next day or two. I mean, obviously I have faith in Shepard and I know he’ll fight like hell to win this, but either way… no matter what happens, I need you to know that I really care for you. And maybe once this is over, we could… meet for a game of chess again, settle the score once and for all,” she said, smiling ruefully.

It wasn’t a game of chess she was talking about, not really, and they both knew it. It was the aftermath. It was everything that could be. Maybe the house with the white picket fence, two kids and a dog. Some kind of a retriever.

“If… when we win this… I would like nothing more,” Liara whispered.“Good. Then… I’ll see you here… once it’s done. Once there’s peace.”

“I’ll be here. You bring the chessboard, I’ll bring the wine.”

[suchagiantnerd]

28 Books, 1 Year

Well, 2020, amirite? Staying home with a 4-year-old and a baby really decreased my reading time, bringing me to my lowest total ever since starting this blog. Here we go!

1. Her Body and Other Parties / Carmen Maria Machado

I rarely feel stupid when reading fiction, but this collection of short stories left me feeling pretty stupid. Machado's writing is visceral and gorgeous but what she's trying to say is mostly beyond me. Overall, the collection (as evident by the title) looks at the ways existing in a woman's body is fraught. Sometimes we want to escape our bodies, often our bodies are harmed or taken advantage of against our will, sometimes our bodies fail us. But as for the more nitty-gritty takeaways, I couldn't get there. One story in particular is staying with me. In it, Machado invents new summaries of each and every episode of Law & Order: SVU, telling a tale of a living, breathing New York City that requires regular blood sacrifices and in which everyone has a doppelgänger. I liked it, but definitely didn't get it.

2. Moon of the Crusted Snow / Waubgeshig Rice

This wonderfully chilling read takes place on a remote reserve in Northern Ontario. Over the course of a few days, cell service stops, the internet goes down, and the power goes out. With no communication possible with other communities, the reserve's residents can only guess at what may be occurring down south. As autumn creeps toward winter, the snow piles up and panic sets in. Eventually, a visitor arrives via snowmobile and confirms the residents' worst fears about the state of civilization while also asking to stay on in the community. Can he be trusted? Will others follow? This was a tense page-turner looking at the importance of community, preparedness and leadership.

3. Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar / Cheryl Strayed

Dear Sugar's advice to a person who didn't know whether or not he wanted kids is what turned me onto her. The answer was perfect. For someone on the fence, there is no right answer, no wrong answer. But there was a simple beauty to the way she said this. In this advice column collection, Sugar answers questions about love, parenthood, friendship, loss, death, finances, education, hopes and dreams. She insists again and again that we open our hearts and give forgiveness a chance while still maintaining healthy boundaries. And through her answers (and anecdotes) she showers love and care on so many devastated readers who are often writing to her as a last resort.

4. Girlfriend in a Coma / Douglas Coupland

We start the action with a Breakfast Club-type group of teens at a party in 1979 Vancouver. One of them, Karen, ends the night in a coma and doesn’t wake up for 16 YEARS. Also, turns out she was pregnant, and gives birth while in the coma. Richard, her boyfriend, raises their daughter with the help of his parents and friends, and by the time Karen wakes up again, the world has gone downhill. Not long after she wakes up, everyone starts falling asleep and dying except for the original group of friends and Karen’s daughter. I liked this novel as I’m a sucker for everything dystopian, but I also had to ask WHY? Why this random group of teens out of all the world? Why did Karen have to be in a coma for so long? How does it tie into the apocalypse? I still don’t know guys. I still don’t know.

5. How to Change Your Mind: What the New Science of Psychedelics Teaches Us About Consciousness, Dying, Addiction, Depression, and Transcendence / Michael Pollan

Back in the 1960s, research on LSD was banned thanks to a moral panic. But today, scientists and therapists are starting to study its uses again. Pollan takes a deep dive into the future of LSD, psilocybin (certain mushrooms, and if I remember correctly, a substance that a certain toad secretes?!) and DMT, taking various trips himself with the help of trained guides. His vivid descriptions of each trip were the highlight of the book, and I find myself, someone who has never tried anything other than pot, wanting to try microdosing in the future.

6. Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine / Gail Honeyman

The first of two contrarian reviews this year, I really didn’t like this book. I found Eleanor’s character and quirks completely unbelievable, and even discovered a little hole in the plot demonstrating that she can’t be as out of touch with pop culture as Honeyman claims she is (which I can’t reveal to you because it’s also a spoiler). I think my issue is that as far as I know, the author is not neurodivergent, whereas Eleanor is. I think this does a real disservice to readers, and would much prefer to read something like this by a neurodivergent author.

7. The Story of the Lost Child / Elena Ferrante

I finally finished the Neapolitan Quartet series! The fourth and final book finds Elena and Lila in their thirties and follows them until they’re in their sixties as they navigate professional successes and failures, new aspects of motherhood, relationship woes, and a fraying friendship. The dynamics of the friendship at the core of this series speak to me so deeply and captures so much about the passion, tension, tenderness, and competition that lurk within a longtime platonic relationship.

8. The Seven Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle / Stuart Turton

Dare I describe this as Downton Abbey meets Black Mirror? Aidan Bishop wakes up on the same date and in the same setting every day (Blackheath Manor on Evelyn Hardcastle’s birthday) but as a different guest or employee each time. Each night, Evelyn Hardcastle is murdered. Aidan quickly learns that his task is to find the murderer, using the different skillsets and vantage points he inherits with each subsequent body. The tension! The twists! The gorgeous setting! I loved this winding, wild novel.

9. You Were Born for This: Astrology for Radical Self-Acceptance / Chani Nicholas

If you are an astrology lover and don’t know who Chani Nicholas is, you’ve been living under a rock! Follow this woman! Her practice and guidance is so inclusive - feminist, anti-racist, anti-transphobic, body positive, and all about how to discover and lean into your gifts and talents while keeping in mind the greater good and working toward a more progressive society.

10. An Ocean of Minutes / Thea Lim

I started reading this dystopian novel about a pandemic right at the start of the pandemic! Maybe not a wise decision, but it didn’t matter, because this book is a beautiful, moving read. In the near future, young couple Polly and Frank find themselves stranded in Galveston, Texas, when a deadly virus begins sweeping across the globe. Frank gets sick, and the only way that Polly can pay for his expensive life-saving treatment is if she signs up as a bonded laborer and travels to the future (yes, time-travel exists!) The couple agree to meet up in 12 years (which will really be just a few short days for Polly). However, Polly is send an extra five years into the future, and Frank is nowhere to be found. The worry I felt! Polly’s loneliness and confusion in the future! Will they find each other again? Oh boy, this was an emotional ride!

11. Where the Crawdads Sing / Delia Owens

The second of my two contrarian reviews this year, I also really disliked this book, which everyone else and their mother seemed to adore? It was bad! The plot felt really contrived, the characters were two-dimensional, and I felt icky about the author’s two Black characters and how the protagonist, Kya, interacted with them. I don’t think Delia is informed enough about the realities of the Black experience, then and now, to responsibly write Black characters. Also, the ‘twist ending’ was a snooze fest. The one redeeming factor was the author’s palpable love of and knowledge about nature. I really did enjoy reading about the coastal habitat and sea life that the Kya loved so much. Oh, what’s this novel about, you ask? It’s a combo coming-of-age / murder mystery set in the 1950s and 60s.

12. The Skin We’re In: A Year of Black Resistance and Power / Desmond Cole

Cole is a Canadian journalist and activist shining a much needed light on racism in this country. In this book, he highlights one incidence of systemic racism in action per month during the year of 2017, focussing on police brutality, harm caused by school boards and educators, the Canada 150 celebrations, and unjust immigration policies. This book packs a punch and Cole’s writing style is really accessible. It’s a great entry point into learning about the realities of racism in Canada.

13. Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds / Adrienne Maree Brown

I absolutely loved this book, though I find it hard to pin down. At its core, it encourages us to think more deeply and holistically about nature, social justice, and community. Brown is heavily influenced by Black sci-fi / dystopian master Octavia Butler, specifically Butler’s ideas around “shaping change” while living through change. It’s full of gems of wisdom, like this quote, which is one of my favourites: “Imagination is one of the spoils of colonization, which in many ways is claiming who gets to imagine the future for a given geography.” As Brown also writes about, and which we can really see in this moment, we are currently living through the tail-end of a dying society, imagined by a small few. What could we create together if everyone’s imaginings carried equal weight?

14. From the Ashes: My Story of Being Métis, Homeless, and Finding My Way / Jesse Thistle

Thistle’s emotional and turbulent memoir begins with a loving memory of his time as a little boy at his maternal grandparents’ home. Not long after, his parents moved the family away from their Métis community and Jesse and his two brothers soon end up in the foster care system. This experience, though relatively brief, absolutely traumatized all three of them. Later, they end up living with their paternal grandparents, who love them deeply but are extremely strict, which doesn’t work for Thistle. He hits various rock bottoms, battling with addiction, trauma and homelessness at the intersection of racism. And somehow, he manages to break free of these harmful cycles, go back to school, and become an academic and best-selling author.

15. Policing Black Lives: State Violence in Canada from Slavery to the Present / Robyn Maynard

I would call this a must-read for Canadians. Maynard breaks down exactly how Canada surveils and punishes Blackness despite its claims of inclusivity and tolerance. She explores policing, yes, but also social work, education, immigration, and education and it’s impossible not to see the levers of systemic racism at work everywhere. Fair warning though, this is a more academic text and requires real concentration.

16. Jhumpa Lahiri / Unaccustomed Earth

This collection of short stories (the last being more of a novella) was gripping. I somehow fell in love with almost all of the characters. Lahiri writes people so skillfully. I felt their longing, hope, sorrow, grief, excitement. Most of the tales take place within the Indian community in Cambridge, Massachusetts, but some stories take us further afield. Lahiri picks a key relationship to focus on within each story - daughter/father, sister/brother, two roommates, childhood acquaintances - and lays them out gently under her microscope for us to see in all their intricate complexity.

17. Midnight Sun / Stephenie Meyer

Did you guys know I’m a Twihard? Having read all the Twilight novels (multiple times) way before I started this blog, this may be new information. But I’m a huge, pathetic fan and though I love Jacob, I will always be Team Edward. So OF COURSE I had to read this extremely long-awaited book, which is actually Twilight, but from Edward’s point of view rather than Bella’s. It was genuinely enjoyable, but not filled with nearly enough sexual tension for my liking. And of course, never ever read it unless you are also a Twilight fan.

18. The Sun and Her Flowers / Rupi Kaur

It’s Rupi being Rupi! I legitimately enjoy Rupi’s poetry, but I don’t love it. Some of the pieces really resonate, and others do nothing for me. But I do think she’s an important voice for young women, and specifically young women of colour. So much of her writing is about reclaiming your power, honouring the older generation of women who sacrificed so much and received nothing in return, and learning to love yourself in a society that is constantly trying to hurt you. Her poetry is always an uplifting read.

19. Conscious Creativity: Look, Connect, Create / Philippa Stanton

I’ve been following Philippa on Instagram for years as I adore her flat-lays and domestic foraging arrangements (if you follow me on IG, you may have seen my colour-themed #DomesticForaging homages to her work!) So when she published a book outlining her own creative process (and containing tons of her gorgeous photography), I had to read it. Stanton has included lots of activities meant to light your creative spark and inspire new ways of looking at things. She also writes about her experiences as a synesthete (someone who may “see” music as colours or who may “hear” shapes), which was fascinating. This is a book I’ll certainly go back to when I’m feeling uninspired. Want to follow her on IG? Her handle is @5tfinf.

20. Turkey Trot Murder / Leslie Meier

Guys, this review is the start of something BIG. Brad knows that I love to read books that are “in season” (I don’t want to read a book set in the summer during the winter, etc.). So he bought me this very niche Thanksgiving mystery novel to read in October. It’s alllll fluff, and very much in the “so bad it’s good” category. It also turns out that Leslie Meier may be one of the most prolific authors of all time, and so Brad signed me up to her “book of the month” fan club for my birthday this year, meaning I get a new, seasonally appropriate Meier classic each month. (You should also know that the “book of the month” fan club is entirely made up, and the letters from Leslie are actually written by Brad, and yes, he has designed a logo for the letterhead.)

21. Haunted House Murder / Leslie Meier and Lee Hollis and Barbara Ross

Wait, what? THREE authors? Yes, some of the Leslie Meier classics are actually novellas, so they are combined with novellas by two other authors into these seasonal collections. Also, Lee Hollis isn’t even real. Lee Hollis is in fact TWO PEOPLE, a brother/sister writing duo! So there are four authors involved in this spooky little collection. They all take place in small-town Maine, so yes, the settings are adorable and the plots are terrible.

22. Autumn / Karl Ove Knausgaard

I think I would describe this memoir (?) as a collection of magical noticings. While his wife is pregnant with their fourth baby, Knausgaard starts writing letters to the unborn child, telling them about, well, everything and anything. That project turned into this book, in which the writer observes everyday things like hands, toilets, fog, petrol, and snakes, and finds the beauty and wonder in all of them. Reading this book left me feeling very inspired and wanting to try and develop this skill in myself as I write.

23. The Feather Thief: Beauty, Obsession, and the Natural History Heist of the Century / Kirk Wallace Johnson

Back in 2009, Edwin Rist stole HUNDREDS of dead birds from the British Museum of Natural History. That fact alone is mind-boggling (how?), but it gets wilder. He didn’t steal them for nerdy science reasons, he stole them to sell to the Victorian fly-tying community. Yes, flies as in the things you attach to fish hooks. And no, not flies that will actually be used, but flies that are constructed as a hobby and art form. Wallace Johnson does a great job of conveying Rist’s obsessive passion for fly-tying and the desperation many fly-tiers feel as they try to track down increasingly rare and protected feathers from exotic (or extinct) birds. The author also has a journalist’s nose for sniffing out lies and half-truths and even tracks down Rist himself for a sit-down interview. I was riveted throughout the whole book, which lives at the intersection of history, science, mystery, and psychological deep-dive.

24. Yule Log Murder / Leslie Meier and Lee Hollis and Barbara Ross

The seasonal fluff dream team is back! And yes, a yule log features prominently in each novella. Once as a murder weapon, and once as a suspected murder weapon! These books also feature real recipes, some of which actually look pretty tasty!

25. Empire of Wild / Cherie Dimaline

This was a chilling page-turner and the second novel of Dimaline’s that I’ve read and devoured. She’s quickly become one of my favourite authors. In this story, Joan, a Métis woman living in the Georgian Bay area, is at the tail-end of the worst year of her life. Almost a year ago, her husband Victor disappeared into thin air after a rare argument between the couple, and Joan’s been searching for him ever since. One day, she wanders past a Christian revival tent in a Walmart parking lot, and the minister is the spitting image of Victor. She manages to have a brief conversation with him and it appears he has no memory of her or his prior life. Yet, in her gut, she KNOWS it’s him and resolves to return him to himself (and to her). This slow-burning horror novel weaves in the Métis myth of the Rogarou, a werewolf-ish creature who walks lonely roads looking for victims, to great effect.

26. Eggnog Murder / Leslie Meier and Lee Hollis and Barbara Ross

Another seasonal romp in which this time, the eggnog is the murder weapon in TWO of the stories! TWO PEOPLE IN TWO SEPARATE STORIES DIE FROM DRINKING NUT MILK EGGNOG AND NOT KNOWING IT WAS NUT MILK AND SUFFERING FROM A NUT ALLERGY. Anyways, I actually made one of the included recipes this time - eggnog muffins - and they were truly delicious!

27. Watch Over Me / Nina LaCour

This is a beautiful and haunting (both literally and figuratively) YA novel about the way trauma from our past follows us around, haunting our present. Mila, who’s just aged out of the foster care system, lands what seems to be a perfect job helping to teach younger children at a farm in Northern California. The farm is owned by an older couple who’ve become somewhat famous for taking in dozens of kids from the foster system over the years. Upon arrival, Mila falls in love, but soon starts to notice strange things about the way things are done on the farm, while also suffering from PTSD related to her own childhood traumas. Is there something sinister going on, or could this beautiful, isolated place become the home Mila’s always longed for?

28. Phases / h.duxbury

I started writing poetry again this summer, and quickly found lots of other poets sharing their work on Instagram. @hduxburypoetry (a fellow Ontarian, too!) quickly became one of my favourite accounts to follow, so when i learned that she self-published a poetry collection, I had to grab a copy. Her work is heavily inspired by nature and the changing seasons, which I’m a sucker for, so I really enjoyed it. Her poems also delve into grief, loneliness, love, and growth.

Well, there you have it! As for my 2020 faves, my top three reads were:

Empire of Wild

Unaccustomed Earth

Emergent Strategy