#toad lawyer

[grieving-angel-hopeful-demon]

The Devil

[toadandtails]

why is edgeworth’s ass so pronounced

[dimity-lawn]

Note: I have yet to read Making Money (I think that's the one with a new lawyer?) and I'm only on season 2 of Better Call Saul, so this will be updated at a later date.

Toad and Mr. Slant - Discworld (various)

Saul Goodman/Jimmy McGill - Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul

Ned Gowan - Outlander

Karl Weathers - Fargo (season 2)

Side Note: the same actors that played Ned Gowan and Karl Weathers (Bill Paterson and Nick Offerman, respectively) also played R.P. Tyler, Neighborhood Watch and Thaddeus Dowling, American Ambassador in Good Omens.

[emmuhhhhhhhh]

Petition for a driver to make a white helmet with perfect red spots so when they do the perch™ it's my man Toad from Super Mario Bros.

The helmet perch™, for context:

[the-phantom-author]

Oh I’m sure he’d love that😭😭😭

He gets your name

[beakerhoneydew]

Paul Heyman truly is the funniest wwe character. He's really just a little bitch and a lawyer. Why is he here.

[doctorsiren]

little idea for the mini au of Phoenix prosecutor

what if von karma somehow found out that Phoenix and Miles were friends when they were children (maybe hearing him talk about a certain Phoenix when he was a child or whatever) and upon knowing that Phoenix was going to be a prosecutor he decided to take him in as a student to have a replacement for what Edgeworth was going to be and at the same time have someone who was close to him at one point to tease him about leaving his path and his teachings when becoming a defense lawyer or something like that idk

I just want to give ideas because I like the au a lot jaja salu2

I want you to know that I was literally thinking the exact same thing…and then while I was in the middle of drawing this, @wrathofthestars said in the reblog tags basically the exact same thing BUT they also mentioned the bit about Phoenix writing Edgeworth all those letters WHICH WAS WILD BECAUSE I HAD ALREADY DRAWN THAT PAGE BEFORE THEY SAID THAT

Anyways great minds think alike

Instead of Manfred manipulating Phoenix the way he manipulated Miles (i.e. being awful, psychologically abusive, etc.), he goes the opposite route and manipulates Phoenix in a similar way to how Dahlia (and later in typical canon, how Kristoph Gavin) manipulated Phoenix (i.e. praise, attention, etc.). It’s the fastest way to get control of Phoenix and get him to trust Manfred.

Also I hate drawing this toad man 😭😭😭

[magnetictapedatastorage]

satirical collection of modern acronyms, date unk. (c 80s-90s), textfiles.com

MODERN ACRONYMS OINKs one income, no kids DINKs double income, no kids PINKs private income, no kids LINCs low income, nine cats NINKs no income, nine kids DUDs demographically undesirable divorcee PODs punks on dope YAMs young assholes on mopeds SLIFs still living in the fifties SLITS still living in the sixties SHITs suburban heterosexuals in town to swing CANTs corporate animals, no talent SIMPs sexually inactive male professionals MIDGETs mentally inferior divorced guys expecting terrific sex TOADs tennis-obsessed advanced-degree holders RUGs rich ugly guys DRUGs dumb rich ugly guys SACs sixties acid casualties SIPs single-income pot smokers DORKs damned overpaid Republican know-it-alls FDAs former drug abusers YANKs young assholes, no kids NERDs nervous evangelicals, recently defrocked SOBs son of the boss CPAs car phone assholes WIGGs women into gay guys BICEPs bisexual college-educated professionals AWOLs always working-out at lunch time SLIMEs single lawyers into money and exercise RAMBOs right-wingers afraid of Mexicans, blacks and Orientals

[rbvcdeluxe]

Step On Your Grave Demo Song lyrics (For your viewing and listening pleasure)

(under the cut)

I was raised

To be appraised

My path was paved

My dress was made

A princess bride to be

Oh

And then the day

It never came

A fitted dude

In a suit?

No, a stepmother for me

Oh

And I know now that I am no lawyer

So I'm leaning on natural law

If it wanted to scale the balance

Towards my cause…

I'd thank my stars!

Cuz I wish you nothin' but defeat

And I want nothin' for you but the least

And I know you're wishin' that I'd be sweet and behave

I want to step on your grave

I don't know how much maggot soup I can make!

A cup of toes

A dash of mold

A half a toad

It needs oregano!

There's only so many frog guts a girl can take

A hundred gnats

A pinch of rat

One whole cat?

To hell with that

And I know now I might need a lawyer

Cuz I've been forced to break a few legs

And if I wanted to sharpen my cleaver

On this day

Oh, I got names!

Cuz I wish you nothin' but defeat

And I want nothin' for you but the least

And I know you're trippin'

That I might switch and be brave

I wanna walk all over, lose composure

Step on Stepmother's godforsaken grave!

I don't know how it'll come to be

But I'll see you under my feet, so deep

Where even hell couldn't reach!

Lord give me a reason

Not to smite these demons

With my father's sword in legion!

Oh my god, I'm gonna need ya!

Help my souls remove these lesions

God, see the treasons they brought upon my house

They brought upon my house

I was raised

To be appraised

Path was paved

Dress was made

A princess bride to be

Oh

[kirbykonka]

Stone Ocean things I would have liked to see, as a Floridian:

—forgetting that it’s winter because it’s literally 70 degrees. 80 degrees on Christmas isn’t uncommon but it is disappointing every time it happens

—blaming deaths on not just alligators, but also pythons (works well around the Everglades)

—the fashion sense of the characters actually isn’t that far off

—they must say “y’all”

—unless it’s in South FL you’ll be seen as a traitor

—walking outside in summer and being hit with a miasma of mosquitos and heat and moisture that will make you feel like you’re being eaten alive (because you are being eaten alive)

—hitting someone with your car is so easy with wet roads

—FL judicial system is on fleek and after all the crazy shit people do lawyers are so done with us

—strip malls. No one goes there except middle aged mothers shopping for shoes or perfume.

—The real teenage hangout place is Walmart. I am not joking. I have been there many times after school and on weekends and every single time we’d go there were other kids our age.

—we don’t even buy anything most times we just walk around

—everyone is poor af unless you’re south (Miami and the Keys)

—in Miami/Tampa/Jax or any big city people also won’t go to strip malls because there’s a 50/50 on whether or not they get shot up

—we hunt pythons seasonally since they are invasive, you can win prizes for this. I feel like Jolyne and Ermes would enjoy that hobby

—four-wheeling. More of a southern USA thing as a whole, but there are miles of open tracks to take your ATV out to. Very fun with friends where you can race and see who DOESNT stall their four wheeler in a lake

—snakes in the backyard, they’re EVERYWHERE. Could have been so easy for them to chase an albino Burmese python thinking it was White Snake 😭

—toads coming out at the beginning of spring and making every little kid so happy that they have prey again, Emporio is def a frog hunter

—when the toads are hibernating we go after lizards instead, Emporio again is def a lizard hunter

—the monkeys loose in the woods. I’ll let you research that on your own.

—thrift stores are full of winter clothing because of all the northerners who migrate down here, Weather Report must have gotten only those 💀

—you’ll know a prison is nearby because there will be a road sign saying “don’t stop for hitchhikers”

—There is no such thing as a clean beach

—marshland is more common than dirt

—“dirt” here is basically just sand there are zero minerals in it so it’s hella hard to farm

—DUST. EVERYWHERE. BUT ITS ALSO SO HOT YOULL DIE. BUT ITS ALSO WET SO YOULL MELT.

—humidity is constantly over 80%, that means you’re going to sweat no matter what you do

—and for last, the Florida man “memes” aren’t memes at all. That’s actually what people are like here. We have had kids expelled for slashing tires, we have had people arrested for driving gaming chairs, we have had snakes eat people whole.

Florida is literally hell itself.

And we are all so proud to be here.

This has been my Floridian PSA, thank you for reading 🥰

[birlwrites]

Hello! I'm still vaguely bouncing off the walls because music(!!!).

"but for me singing is much more about technique/performance than it is about songwriting. it probably creeps out in my writing in how i talk about things like breathing, but they occupy very different parts of my brain"- birl

Breathing patterns definitely feature in your texts as of notice. Other characters certifiably breath and vary their tone of voice! It's on Regulus' radar even! Clothes are not, people are sometimes faceless indistinct voiceboxes to Regulus measure purely in proximity to himself and what he thinks of that (people and Evan and Barty and Sirius that is, but Evan particularly gets the full picture of himself picked up on, he should be honoured).

In ATFHV/TTDL specifically, or else just close to the original setting, so discounting your two separate music-centred aus, who actually plays an instrument/cares about music/sings (to whatever level of expertise you want to specify).

I seem to recall Evan probably does as a Rosier(TM) necessity to perform but nothing else off the top of my head. I know none of them have a toad that would allow them to participate in that particular interspecies choir.

Feel free to take your time, of course, I'm simply curious.

western classical singing is really about a balance of physical tension and relaxation designed to make a lot of stuff happen while also making it look very easy/unstrained and that's regulus all over tbh

one of the things that i find so funny is the idea of sirius being. an incredibly annoyingly loud child. will never shut the fuck up. rules-lawyers everything within an inch of its life. all his games he made up involve destruction/yelling/crashing. this means i think he definitely learned violin when he was little and was So Bad At It that orion and walburga quietly changed their minds about that one

just like. HORRIBLE SCREECHING NOISES FROM SIRIUS'S ROOM AT THREE IN THE MORNING

sirius: *was so bad at violin that his parents didn't even try to get his younger brother to learn an instrument*

the rosiers are more ~patrons~ of musicians than they are musicians themselves - evan can plunk out some simple tunes on a keyboard, but he didn't really formally study piano. he can talk a lot about performance and interpretation though

i have a whole roster of people in the hogwarts choir but none of our important characters are in it afjlshgjkjf

my brain is vibrating re this topic but i'm also sleepy aghlkshgkjsdf i may have more thoughts later but i shall post this as primary thoughts!!

[michanvalentine]

Things about Vincent Valentine that I read around and piss me off. Vol.3

"Vincent is boring, doesn't talk and does nothing but mope around."

EXCUSE ME?!?! Seriously, I think this is the worst. I understand that not everyone may like a character, and rightly so, but this type of comment often denotes a lack of in-depth analysis of the character. Or even a lack of simple understanding. And since I now feel like Vincent Valentine's defense lawyer, I think I will continue my speech, your honor! Personally I don't find it boring at all, quite the contrary. Vincent Valentine is a mysterious character. Even now, years after the release of DoC, we discuss, question and fantasize about the thousand things that are still unclear about him. And with the release of Rebirth the questions and doubts have only increased, although the character has clearly been expanded in his characterization. The roots of his story run deep into the heart of FFVII's plot, where it all began, and Vincent Valentine boasts strong connections to characters like Hojo, Lucrecia, and Sephiroth himself. Not to mention the Turks and Shinra. This alone should arouse interest, even just to understand how the character of Vincent Valentine can enrich the game's plot and the characters he interacts with. Furthermore, Vincent Valentine has the superpower of being unintentionally comical, starting from his inability with modern technology. His serious, dark, cold and stoic nature sometimes clashes so much with the context or with the characters around him that it almost makes him seem ridiculous. And that's something I find funny. As well as all the interactions he can have with characters who are markedly more exuberant/cheerful than him, such as Yuffie, Cid or Barret. But ok, tastes are tastes, there's no arguing about that. For me Vincent is far from boring, but I can understand that for some he is. What I can't stand is thinking of him as a person who does nothing but "mope around".

Apart from the fact that Vincent Valentine is a righteous person who cares about his friends and is always there to support them in his own way. And as much as he tries to stay away from everything and everyone, he can never resist when it comes to helping someone. We saw this in AC when he promptly saves Cloud from Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo. We saw him in DoC, when he shielded Reeve or Yuffie on several occasions. We even saw him in Rebirth, when he shielded Tifa or rushed to support Cloud during the Queen Blood quest. Let's say that the role of bodyguard is still powerful in him! But I really can't read that his flaw is being silent. Or that he dwells too much on the past and mopes around. My eyes bleed when I read these comments. I'll make a quick list why Vincent Valentine can't be a cheerful and jovial person who gets along with everyone:

He is heartbroken. The love of his life left him like this, from one moment to the next, and without a valid reason. Not for him, at least.

Lucrecia chose Hojo. Of all people. This is a great blow to his self-esteem, not because Hojo is a toad but because he is a person with an abominable soul.

He's been killed. But then he rose again. And already here there is something very wrong.

The experiments that brought him back to life were not exactly a walk in the park. And if we think of Hojo, only abominable scenarios like him can come to mind.

He is a monster. Inside him he has four uncontrollable and angry entities that he has to live with night and day every day.

The world outside could welcome him with torches and pitchforks.

He lost thirty years of his life and found himself in a world he no longer knows, people, places, technology. Everything changed.

He is immortal. This means that he will see all the people he loves die, one after the other, inevitably. Over and over.

The woman he loves lies in a crystal, eternally unattainable.

One of the entities he harbors within himself is Chaos, a primordial god of death who will cause the end of the world.

His long-term life prospect is to witness the end of all life. Only to be left behind on a dying planet. Alone.

And maybe I even forgot to consider some other aspects! Just to put it all in perspective: we ordinary people complain about our cuticles or because it's raining or because there's a test at school. Or for any other triviality. And we are often in a bad mood simply because we are. Vincent Valentine has been through hell. He literally died and then came back to life. I think this abberation alone would be enough to drive anyone crazy. And then he spent almost thirty years alone in the basement of the Shinra Mansion, when isolation is considered a form of torture for us human beings. And this too would drive anyone mad. Death is a liberation, which was denied to him in exchange for a new, damned existence made of nightmares, demons, regrets, remorse, etc. And in the future for him there is nothing, only death and destruction. No love, no family, only ephemeral bonds, destined to be lost over time. No wonder he's afraid to let people get close. There is no hope for Vincent Valentine, only a dark destiny awaits him. With such a rosy outlook it would almost be unnecessary to remember that people who lose a limb or are disfigured suffer psychological damage that requires years of therapy, so we can only imagine how Vincent Valentine rebuilt his self. Alone, in the dark. After being dissected on an operating table, genetically manipulated and put back together in a way he wasn't. Life, dignity, humanity, all stripped away. Nonetheless, Vincent Valentine got back on his feet. Also thanks to the help of the right people at the right time, of course, but after everything he has been through, reacting is not something to be taken for granted. Indeed, not only did he remain a "functioning" person but he also managed to retain his big heart and his strong sensitivity. Vincent Valentine is a person with incredible resilience, who managed to draw from trauma and suffering the strength necessary to put himself at the service of good. To protect instead of destroy, when he could simply drown his conscience and his pain in the beast's rage and let it be. Only a great man can do this.

So leave him alone. He has every right and reason to be depressed or to remain silent without being judged for it. The guy is already doing a great job.

[just-a-really-good-lawyer]

Stephanie sighed as she took another sip from her coffee. She was about three seconds from turning J Jonah Jameson into a toad. Which frankly wouldn’t help anything.

Instead she had talked to Happy. Who had reccomend a lawyer in the Devil’s Kitchen.

So now she rode the bus under a spell to stay disguised. The cloak of levitation posing as a red leather Jacket.

She got off at her stop and headed inside the building.

“Hello I’m looking for Matt Murdock?” She asked.

@stephanie-strange

“Take a seat, he’ll be right with you.” The secretary said with a smile. A couple of minutes later a man with sunglasses on with a cane walked out one of the offices.

“Matt Murdock.” He said holding his hand out. “You are…?”

[dimity-lawn]

Note: I have yet to read Making Money (I think that's the one with a new lawyer?) and I'm only on season 2 of Better Call Saul, so this will be updated at a later date.

Toad and Mr. Slant - Discworld (various)

Saul Goodman/Jimmy McGill - Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul

Ned Gowan - Outlander

Karl Weathers - Fargo (season 2)

Side Note: the same actors that played Ned Gowan and Karl Weathers (Bill Paterson and Nick Offerman, respectively) also played R.P. Tyler, Neighborhood Watch and Thaddeus Dowling, American Ambassador in Good Omens.

[tomorrowusa]

Part of a Trump fundraising message poorly disguised as a love letter to Melania. I'm sure most wives get Valentine's Day cards from husbands who use their middle initials when signing the greeting. ✍🏼🤭

Trump Campaign Roasted For Fundraising Off Unhinged Valentine's Day 'Love Letter' To Melania

The Donald is going to need to do a lot of fundraising thanks to spiraling legal judgements against him.

The Donald Trump Fire Sale Starts Now

Donald Trump’s companies have filed for bankruptcies six times, but now he may actually be about to go broke. On Friday, a New York judge penalized the former president $355 million after finding him liable for lying about his wealth and the value of his properties in New York — and that’s before pre-judgment interest charges, which according to the New York Attorney General’s office, adds another $100 million or so. Then there’s the $4 million owed by Eric Trump and Don Jr. each — which, come on, whose money is that really? The giant liabilities are due in part to Trump and his organization’s “complete lack of remorse,” Justice Arthur Engoron ruled, as well as for its deterrent effect: Trump and the Trump Organization’s officers were “likely to continue their fraudulent ways unless the Court grants significant injunctive relief.” Add this to the $88 million he owes writer E. Jean Carroll for defaming her, twice, and Trump owes roughly $540 million. That would wipe out almost his entire estimated cash pile and vaporize about a sixth of his total net worth. Trump can afford this, but he is probably going to have to sell something big. His net worth, according to both Forbes and Bloomberg, is between $2.6 and $3.1 billion, but most of that is tied up in his buildings and other properties. His cash pile is about $600 million, Bloomberg estimates, and he cannot use campaign or political-action-committee money to pay these fines. Some of his attorneys’ fees can be paid for with money that he’s raised from donors, but it’s not clear what money is paying for which lawyers between the four criminal cases he’s fighting off.

Here are some ways Trump could raise money to keep from going bankrupt for a seventh time.

Since his ex-wife Ivana is already buried there, he could turn Trump National Golf Club at Bedminster into a MAGA cemetery. Heirs of people who die from listening to Trump's quack COVID-19 advice will want their loved ones interred under the BEST sand traps.

Mar-a-Lago could be leased for the filming of the next season of Naked and Afraid. Unclothed contestants would have to survive hazards such as Dinesh D'Souza film festivals, Rudy Giuliani's alcoholic rants, and Nick Fuentes/Kanye West Groyper dinner parties.

Trump could franchise his own national chain of spray-on tanning salons which would leave customers looking as orange as him from head to toe.

Only Fans. Tens of millions of MAGA followers may be willing to pay to see "Toad" for themselves.

[thoroughlymodernminutia]

-Eastside, 1999

Bury me with this movie because I'm taking it to HELL!

First, let me tell you that I purchased a DVD of this for like $5 and the shipping was $6. Also realizing I didn't own a DVD player, I bought one of those too. Much cheaper than they were like 12 years ago!

Moving on. The tag line of this movie is: Prison was bad, the streets of L.A. were worse. Well I got news folks, this movie is worse than both!

As you can see above Mario Lopez is in this and he plays Antonio Lopez (could they not think of a different last name?). He's released from prison and goes to this brother's office. His brother is played by he actor who played the husband of Andrea from 90210. His brother is also a lawyer and doesn't really want anything to do with him. But Mario shows up to a club and his brother is there - because it turns out his brother is a CRIMINAL attorney (criminal with two meanings here guys). So for whatever reason A.C. Slater is given a job at the club and our sweet little man Maurice also works there. Maurice plays "Toad." Toad is...real dumb to put it mildly. Not cut out for criminal activity at all.

Moving this along, Mario "Before you vote: Go grocery shopping, gas up your car, pay your bills, look at your 401K. Then vote" Lopez becomes an integral part of this criminal enterprise. However, he also meets a girl and it turns out that the girl is the granddaughter of the guy that runs the community center. This is really the main plot point, because Lopez's boss wants to pave paradise and put up a parking lot - ie he wants to tear down the community center to build something that will make him money. Well, he kills the grandpa and then Mario has a change of heart and i guess doesn't want to be a criminal anymore.

So let me just list the dead people - community center guy, mario's brother, our guy Toad of course, and some other's who i don't care about looking up. Mario gets shot in the end and for a second I was like, oh good, he's annoying, but then it fades out and then fades into a little while later and he's working at the community center because he saved it. And there is a like an end card dedicating this movie to the children of East Los Angeles....which dear god could you have dedicated a WORSE movie to them?!

I have some more gifs from this that will be posted randomly to haunt this place.