#tobideiweek2023

[yowyowyaoi]

*at an Akatsuki meeting*

Pein: Alright, guys; as you know we’ve been having some severe financial problems lately.

Kakuzu: More than severe; we’re practically bankrupt.

Pein: Right. So, Konan had an idea that may help us generate some money. Konan?

Konan: Thank you, Pein. As some of you may be aware, body pillows are the latest trend these days. Not just any body pillows, but ones with pictures on them that the buyer finds to be “attractive”. Based on a recent poll, it’s been determined that Deidara, Itachi and Hidan are deemed the most attractive persons in this group, so —

Zetsu: What are you talking about? When I took that poll, YOU beat out all three of those guys by thousands of votes…

Konan: Oi, you’re not using MY image on something some perverted old man is going to buy and do terrible things to!

Konan: But anyways … *brings out the prototypes of the three boys’ pillows* This is what we’re going to be selling. Kakuzu has launched a website and —

Hidan: *grabbing his pillow* Holy shit I look fucking HOT!! Hey, ‘Kuzu … you want one for your room?

Kakuzu: And give myself nightmares? Pass.

Itachi: I … I’m not so sure I’m comfortable with my image being used for such a thing … but I suppose I’m grateful that in spite of my health issues I’m still found to be physically desirable.

Deidara: Oi … why am I shirtless?! Nobody wants to see the weird mouth on my chest, hm! I —

Kakuzu, on his laptop: The Deidara pillow just sold out.

Konan: W-what?? But we just launched the website and he had over 5,000 units! What the —

Tobi: That’s great, Senpai! Er, unrelated question but, Kakuzu-san … what do you do when you max out three credit cards at once?

Kakuzu:

Kisame: T-Tobi, did you —

Tobi, in Obito voice: Don’t you dare judge me, shark-boy. I’ve wanted this man for a year, and if THIS is the only way I get to cuddle him while I sleep, then so be it.

Deidara:

Everyone else:

[ladykissingfish]

*Deidara and Obito hanging out in “Tobi’s” room*

Deidara, in a low voice: C’mon, Uchiha … *spreads out on the bed* Play with me ~

Obito: Oi, that’s all you ever want to do, you know that? Can’t we watch movies, or read together, or go for a walk, or something else?

Deidara: *pouts* We can do all of that stuff when you’ve got that mask on, hm, and the others can see us. But this, us alone, is our secret time. And I don’t want to spend it reading.

Obito: Ohhhh; about that. I … I may have told Itachi that we’re together …

Deidara: Ugh; that asshole?!

Obito: He’s my cousin! And you know … *pushes Deidara back on the bed and climbs over him* It’s hard for me to keep secrets. And speaking of things that are hard … *starts kissing Deidara’s neck*

Deidara: Mmmm; well I may just forgive you if —

Hidan, through the wall: You’re dreaming if you really don’t think everyone in this fuckin’ place knows you guys are together, blondie!

Konan, from the hallway: Your … enthusiasm for each other forced me to go to Kakuzu to ask for the money to soundproof that room!

Kakuzu, from the other wall: And I had to agree to it, if only to get some damn sleep once in a while!

Obito and Deidara:

[tobideiweek]

🌈✨ Calling the Tobidei Nation! In just one week, we're kicking off The Tobidei Week! 🎉💖

🍡 Whether you're actively participating or just here to read or see the entries, join the fun, starting October 21. 📅✨

Don't forget to tag your posts with #Tobideiweek and #tobideiweek2023 so we can see them! 🍭💥

Spread the word, set your reminders and get ready!

[ladykissingfish]

*Hidan stands in Tobi’s doorway*

Hidan: Oi, mask-boy … you gotta sec? I wanna talk to you.

Tobi: Hidan-senpai, I swear I did not eat that piece of cake you left on the counter. Although you DID leave it there for a long —

Hidan: This ain’t about me, fucker. It’s about your other Senpai: blondie.

Tobi: D-Deidara? Is something wrong with him? Is he hurt?? *jumps up* I need to —

Hidan: Relax; he’s fine. Well, kind of. *shuts Tobi’s door and sits at the edge of his bed* I don’t know how to say this gay shit without it sounding gay, but … you know the kid is my best friend, right? You know I … I love that annoying bitch, in a not-gay way?

Tobi: I know that, but what’s that got to do with anything?

Hidan: Does that shitty mask make you as blind as red-eyes? You can’t see that Deidara likes ya?! In a gay way?

Tobi:

Tobi: I … I t-think you’re wrong, Hidan-Senpai. Me and Deidara are pals! There’s nothing —

Hidan: I know there ain’t shit going on between ya because both of you are big pussies who can’t just man up and tell each other the truth! Admit it; you’ve been eyeing him since the day Pein made you partners, haven’t ya?

Tobi:

Tobi, slipping into Obito voice: I’ve spent my entire life silently wanting those whom I could not have. What reason do I have to believe that Deidara would be any different? And why do you care, anyway? You hate me!

Hidan: I don’t hate ya, asshole. I mean I’d like ya better if you converted to the way of Jashin but I’ve accepted all of you fuckers are hopeless heathens. And like I said I care about blondie. He’s the whole reason I got up the balls to talk to the old bastard, and it’s why we’re together now. I want the same for him. So .. *voice gets softer* Talk to ‘em. Please.

Tobi: *sighing* And get rejected? You know what, fine. What’s another stab in the heart after a lifetime of pulling knives out of it?

Hidan: *claps him on the back* That’s the spirit, weirdo! *gets up* Lemme know later how it went!

*two weeks later*

Deidara, in Hidan’s room: … and then he kissed me, hm! Hidan it was soooo good, his lips were so soft and his face! His hair! He was so unbelievably handsome!

Hidan: It’s about fuckin’ time, blondie! Hey, maybe now you can go on dates with me and the old man! We —

Kakuzu, coming into the room: Oi, Hidan, get ready; we’re going out to dinner. One of my contacts gave me a two for one dinner coupon for that place we went to a few weeks ago.

Hidan: … the place I got the food poisoning from?! I was on the toilet for three days! I lost eight pounds!

Kakuzu: Oh, don’t be a baby. Just don’t order the fish this time and you’ll be fine. *walks out*

Deidara: 

Deidara: M-maybe we’ll take a raincheck on that double date thing, hm …

[yowyowyaoi]

*Deidara goes outside to find Tobi sitting under a tree in the rain* Deidara: Tobi? What are you doing out here, hm? It's raining, you'll get a cold. Tobi: I'm fine, Senpai. I just want to sit here and think for a while. Deidara: *hesitates, then sits down next to him on the ground* What are you thinking about? Tobi: A memory, kind of. When I was a kid, there was this girl I liked more than anything. She was so kind, and sweet, and pretty. I liked her so much ... but she liked my best friend instead of me. Deidara: That sucks, hm. Tobi: Yeah. I always imagined what our first kiss could have been like, you know? For some reason I always pictured it being in the rain. Maybe ... maybe if I had been brave, and confessed to her, things would have turned out differently, you know? Deidara: I guess they could have. Was your first kiss not in the rain, then? Tobi: Never kissed anyone before, Senpai. That girl or anyone else. Deidara: Really? Tobi: Yeah. But it's okay, I -- Deidara: *moves closer, lifts away Tobi's mask, and very gently presses their lips together* Deidara, shyly: T-there, hm. A good memory for you. Tobi: Tobi: *leans over and hugs him* Thank you, Deidara. That was even better than anything I'd imagined. Deidara, blushing: Y-you want to make a few more memories -- ? Tobi: Well there IS something else I always wanted to do in the rain ... but only if you're comfortable with it. Deidara, blushing harder: Y-yeah, I am, hm. Tobi: Okay! *grabs Deidara's hand and pulls him up* I've always heard that the best time to go fishing was when it was pouring, like it is now. I bet we catch some big ones today! Deidara:

[yowyowyaoi]

Tobi: Senpai, you're being ridiculous. Deidara: I'm fine, Tobi. Tobi: It's freezing and you're laying on the floor with that thin little blanket. Just come get in bed with Tobi! Deidara: Tobi, I'm not a baby, hm. I've slept outside on the bare ground that was colder than this. Just because we have to share your room while mine is being painted doesn't mean -- *suddenly sneezes* Tobi: Okay, that's it ... *gets out of bed, forcibly picks up Deidara and puts him on the right side of the bed* Deidara: Tobi: There! *tucks Deidara in* Now you're all nice and warm, Senpai! Deidara: ... okay, I'll admit, this IS nice, hm. Tobi: Why were you so scared of this? Deidara: I don't know ... I thought maybe you'd try and put the moves on me or something ... Tobi: Senpai! How could you even think that! Tobi would never try to do anything like that without your consent! Deidara: Good, hm. Because -- Tobi, in Obito voice: But if I took off my shirt right now and moved closer to you, I guarantee you'd be begging me to do something, Deidara. Deidara: Deidara: ... I'm just gonna go sleep in the living room, hm.

[ladykissingfish]

Deidara: Okay, Tobi … be alert, be vigilant, you watch my back and I’ll watch yours, hm. Okay?

Tobi: Senpai … don’t you think you’re going a little overboard? It’s not like this is a mission or anything …

Deidara: I’d call buying Halloween candy for trick or treaters the day before Halloween the most dangerous mission of all, hm!

Tobi: We just go into the store, grab a few bags, and leave, right?

Deidara: *shaking his head* Oh, you poor fool. We’re about to enter a highly scary situation and I need you to be prepared!

Tobi: *chuckling* Okay, Senpai … whatever you say.

*an hour later*

Deidara: *walking quietly down the road beside Tobi* How’s the arm?

Tobi: I … I think I finally got the bleeding to stop. How’s the eye?

Deidara: Almost completely shut, hm. I’ll have to put an ice pack on it when we get back.

Tobi: Yeah …

Deidara: *glancing at Tobi* You know, in all the scenarios I’d imagined of seeing your face for the first time, this sure wasn’t one of them; you getting your mask destroyed by a little boy, I mean.

Tobi, tearing up, in Obito voice: I could have taken that kid if there weren’t so many people around …

Deidara: He was three.

Tobi: HE WAS A DEMON! HE LITERALLY BIT MY MASK IN HALF WITH HIS POINTY TEETH!

Tobi: *holds up the shopping bag* And ALL THAT and we could only get our hands on a shitty bag of Tootsie Rolls! MY LEAST FAVORITE CANDY!

Deidara: Can’t say I didn’t try to warn you. But if you think this was bad, wait until Easter, hm. Last year the Easter Bunny broke my leg over a handful of marshmallow Peeps.

Tobi:

*Thank you @amikotsu for inspiring this prompt for me 😊*

[ladykissingfish]

Tobi: What’s wrong, Senpai? You seem so down …

Deidara: Just thinking, hm.

Tobi: About what?

Deidara: Wishing I had more money. I want a hand-job so bad, but my wallet just isn’t cooperating.

Tobi:

Tobi: WHAT.

Deidara: A hand-job, hm. I really want one but I just don’t have enough money to get one.

Tobi:

Tobi: I … I’d be happy to give you one for free …

Deidara: Really? You’d do that for me?

Tobi: *taking off his gloves and reaching for the lotion* Of c-course, Senpai! What are friends for?! Do … do you want to take off your pants or should I —

Deidara: … why would I take off my pants? How is that going to help you fix my hands?

Tobi: Wait, what?

Deidara: Yeah, hm; I want surgery on my hands to make them look better. Like you know how when people have cosmetic surgery on their noses, they call it a nose-job? Well, I want a hand-job, hm.

Tobi:

Tobi, in Obito voice: I truly hate you sometimes, brat.

[yowyowyaoi]

*Tobi and Deidara on their way back from a mission in the dark* Tobi: Look, Senpai! Deidara: At what? Tobi: *points* Look at how many stars there are tonight! There must be millions up there! Aren't they pretty?! Deidara: *smiles* They really are. They're so bright, hm, and some of them look so close, like you could reach out and snag one down with your fingertips. Tobi: Tobi ... has a lot of experience with that. Deidara: With -- ? Tobi, slipping out of the goofy voice: With wanting something pretty and intangible. With thinking something beautiful could be just within my grasp, only to find out that what I want is likely further away than I'd ever imagined. Deidara: Deidara: We're not talking about stars, are we? Tobi: No. But it doesn't matter anyway. He could never see me as anything more than a -- Deidara: He? Y-you like a guy? Tobi: Well ... yeah. A lot. But I don't think it could work with us anyway. Too many things wrong with me. Deidara: Geez, have some self-confidence, would you? Look, what's this guy like? I bet I can help you win him over! Tobi: He's really, really beautiful. More beautiful than any of these stars in the sky. He's smart, he's funny. He's talented and creative. And I think ... I think there's a lot of chemistry between us. Sometimes we have nice talks, and -- Deidara: No offense, Tobi, but this guy kinda sounds really, really boring, hm. People who are pretty and stuff are almost always lame, so you might be better off with someone else. But now that I know you like dudes, I bet I can find a good one to set you up with, hm! Now come on, let's get back! *walks on ahead* Tobi: Tobi, quietly: Did I also mention that he's the most oblivious man I've ever met?

[yowyowyaoi]

Tobi: Senpai, can I ask ya a question? Deidara: If I say No, you'll just ask anyway, won't you? So go ahead, ask. Tobi: Why do ya got so many mirrors in your room? Deidara: Because I like seeing myself from a lot of different angles, hm. Plus I'm cute, so ... Tobi: Let's not forget humble, and modest. Deidara: Okay, smart-ass. Hey though, you know, when you bother to take off that mask, YOU'RE pretty damn hot yourself, hm. How come you don't have any mirrors in your room? Tobi, in Obito voice: Because my various sins and transgressions against humanity would undoubtedly cause the mirrors to shatter and embed pieces of glass into the ruins of my skin. Deidara: Deidara: ... every conversation with you is a nightmare, hm.

[ladykissingfish]

*camping during a mission* Deidara: Goddamn … I just can’t fall asleep, hm. Tobi: Are you cold, Senpai? You want me to build the fire back up? Deidara: I’m not cold, I just feel so restless. How do you relax when you can’t sleep? Tobi: Well, you know, when Tobi was a child, Tobi’s grandmother would sing to him, to help him sleep. So sometimes, now, Tobi will sing to himself. Do … do you want Tobi to sing to you, too? Deidara: Sure, why not? Give me your best. Tobi: Okay, Senpai!  Tobi: *clears throat a bunch and starts to sing softly* Tobi: I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other ninjas can’t deny! When a blonde walks in with an itty bitty waist, and a round thing in your face, you get — Deidara: Hey! What the fuck?! How is THAT supposed to put me to sleep?? Tobi: S-sorry, senpai. I guess I was just suddenly inspired … Deidara: Hey, wait … aren’t the lyrics “When a GIRL walks in”? Why did you change it to blonde?? Tobi, laying behind Deidara, blushing: N-no idea …

[ladykissingfish]

*at a camp sight for the night*

Tobi: You think we got enough wood for the fire, Senpai? It’s so windy …

Deidara: I think we’ll be fine for the time being, hm. The real question is, are the three matches we have left going to be enough?

Tobi: Fire can last a long time if you’re careful with it. It … * suddenly starts laughing* 

Deidara: What’s so funny?

Tobi: Tobi was just thinking about Itachi-san. How hard he tried to master katon before he finally got it. He’d take such deep breaths and his cheeks would puff out so far he’d look like a hamster hoarding a year’s supply of food. Such a funny memory …

Deidara:

Deidara: … Y-you knew Itachi when he was little? How? Are … are you guys related or —

Tobi: *jumps up* I think we DO need more firewood Senpai! I’ll just walk out into the woods and find some more! *runs off*

Deidara:

[ladykissingfish]

Deidara: Hey, Tobi … you ever think you might be a little perverted?

Tobi: No? Why would I think that??

Deidara: Because you have a crush on me, you’re in your thirties, and I’m still a teenager?

Tobi, face turning red behind the mask: Y-you are NOT a teenager! I mean yes you’re nineteen but you’re legally an adult, Deidara! I’m not a pervert! And anyway I didn’t even meet you until a few months ago, and you were so mature and —

Deidara: Ha; I just got you to admit that you have a crush on me, loser!

Tobi: Tobi: … never mind, I take that back.

[yowyowyaoi]

Tobi, standing at the window: Senpai! Come look! Deidara: What is it? Tobi: *pulls back the curtain* Look! It’s snowing! Deidara: Whoa … that’s pretty cool, hm! Man it’s still October … looks like we might have a white Halloween, the way it’s coming down. Tobi: Let’s go outside and play, Senpai! Please?! Deidara: *sighs, then smiles* Okay, hm. But bundle up really good; I’m not listening to you cough and blow your nose for the next week. *the two dress warm and then go out into the yard* Tobi: *runs around in circles* Look at how much there is! It’s so deep! It’s like a blanket! Deidara: Wanna make snowmen? Tobi: Sure, Senpai! *the two work quietly for awhile, building their own snowmen* Tobi: Wow, yours looks pretty good, Senpai! Tobi: Oh, but … Tobi: *lifts his entire snowman from the bottom and puts it next to Deidara’s* Now he won’t be lonely. *arranges the stick-arms of both so that the two snowmen look like they’re holding hands* C’mon, let’s make snow angels! *the two lay in the snow and make snow angels side by side* Tobi, getting up: That’s pretty good, but … *uses his finger to draw a giant heart between their two figures* There! Much better! Deidara: Deidara: Hey, Tobi … is there anything on your mind you want to talk about? Tobi, in the middle of writing his and Deidara’s names in the heart: No Senpai; why do you ask? Deidara:

[yowyowyaoi]

Hidan: So, blondie ... are ya gonna confess, or do I gotta beat it out of ya? Deidara: What the hell are you talking about?! Hidan: Don't play dumb with me. I'm offended; I thought we were best friends! Deidara: We are? What is this -- Hidan: Best friends don't hide it when they have a new relationship! Deidara, blushing: W-what makes you think something like that? Hidan: You smile all the damn time, you laugh so fuckin' much. You take more time on that hair of yours and your outfits. And twice I've been to visit ya at night but you weren't there, and then you don't come back until morning. The only question is ... who are ya with here? Deidara: H-hidan ... those things are all just coincidences. Now I've got to go -- *rushes off* Hidan: I'm gonna find out one way or another. Let me see ... could he have actually pulled Konan?! That'd be impressive but I doubt he could get her. Hidan: I KNOW it's not the old bastard ... unless he's double-dipping, in which case I'll have to cut off his dick. Hidan: Could it be Itachi? Possibly; all that "I hate Uchihas and their stupid sharingans!" shit could have just been a front. Or maybe -- Hidan: *looks down the hallway and sees Deidara and Tobi standing in Tobi's door way. Tobi has his hands on Deidara's waist, and Deidara is blushing and moving Tobi's mask off to kiss him* Hidan: Hidan: I ... think I figured out the secret.

[yowyowyaoi]

Deidara: Tobi, how old are you? Tobi: Why does Senpai want to know? Deidara: We've been partners for two years and I still feel like I don't know anything about you, hm. Tobi: Tobi ... is thirty-one years old. Deidara: Whoa ... really? Damn. Tobi: Does Senpai think Tobi is too old? Deidara: No. It's just now I'll have to wait until I'm twenty before I can ask you out, hm. Tobi: Tobi: Before you WHAT? Deidara: Ask you out. I mean I know I'm an adult but nineteen still sounds like teen, hm. When I'm twenty it'll sound better to be dating a thirty-two year old. Tobi: W-when did you decide to ask me out --? Deidara: That day I saw you in the shower, hm. You should really get into the habit of locking the door. Tobi: Deidara: Anyways, I think I'll do it on my birthday. Great gift to myself, hm. *moves Tobi's mask to the side and kisses his cheek* Only seven months to go! *walks off* Tobi: