ladykissingfish - Tumblr blog

[ladykissingfish]

(Blank) The Type Of Person …

Konan the type of person to sleepwalk to the kitchen at midnight, eat all the leftover pizza, put the empty box back in the fridge, wake up the next day forgetting what she did, and go around interrogating/threatening to kill everyone because dammit she was planning on eating that for breakfast!

Hidan the type of person to not shower for weeks at a time because he believes that drenching himself in cologne works the same.

Sasori the type of person to say he’s only going to read ONE chapter of his book this evening, end up reading the entire thing in one sitting, absolutely hate the ending and spend the rest of the next day writing a fanfic about it to “correct the mistakes”.

Kakuzu the type of person to insist that his birthday is “just another day” and “not a big deal” then be really, really hurt if everyone doesn’t make it a big deal.

Konan the type of person to seem very gentle and delicate at home, but when she goes to the gym she’s an absolute heavy-lifting beast.

Itachi the type of person to pour himself a bowl of Raisin Bran for the fiber then sit and pick out raisins until the bowl contains an even number of them.

Kakuzu the type of person that absolutely does not trust banks and keeps all of his money either under the bed or in his pillowcase, and everyone KNOWS this but nobody ever tries to rob him because they know this man counts his cash at least five times a day and will literally stab you if he thinks you took even a few cents from him.

“Tobi” the type of person to “confess” to everyone in the Akatsuki as to who he really is, but separately and secretly, so that each person believes that they’re the only one who knows the truth.

Obito the type of person to spend forever picking out little thoughtful gifts for his friends, then never give the presents to them because he thinks they’re not good enough.

Itachi the type of person that spends the first ten minutes in the shower just standing and staring blankly at the wall.

Deidara the type of person to speak vigorously and viciously about someone he doesn’t like, but then all that person has to do is give one teeny tiny positive compliment about Dei’s art and he does a complete 360 opinion change on them.

Kisame the type of person that watches himself work out, shirtless, in the mirror.

The type to wash the dishes right away: Konan, Itachi, Sasori, Kisame

The type to let the dishes sit in the sink until they’re “reminded” to do them: Hidan, Deidara,

The type to purposely do the dishes so badly that the others just do them before they do: Tobi

The type who make someone else do the dishes by threat of violence: Kakuzu, Nagato

The type to never use dishes, period: Zetsu

Deidara the type of person to start some kind of new diet every week. One week it’s cutting out added sugar, the next it’s going for a high protein intake, the next it’s intermittent fasting, etc. The routines usually last about 3 days before Dei gives them up in pursuit of something better.

Nagato the type of person to keep holding on to an old phone simply because the newer ones have gotten rid of the headphone jack and he despises wireless buds. Says it’s for aesthetic reasons but it’s really because he doesn’t get how wireless and Bluetooth works and feels too embarrassed to ask anyone to explain it to him.

Itachi the type of person that'll start going gray in his late teens and feverishly dye his hair at least once a week to hide this from the others.

Zetsu the type of person to be anal about buying “all organic” products at the grocery store and judge the others when they don’t. Conveniently ignores that organic products cost more money and most of the others don’t have the financial resources that he does.

The type to carry the groceries in, in multiple trips: Konan, Itachi, Zetsu

The type to attempt to carry all of the groceries in at once no matter how bulky or heavy: Deidara, HIDAN, Kisame, Tobi

The type to (threaten) someone else to carry in the groceries: Nagato, Sasori

The type to offer to pay someone else to bring in the groceries (but never does): Kakuzu

Kisame the type of person to constantly downplay his talents or abilities, while secretly being the most badass person to ever do anything, ever. Makes a fantastic poker player.

[ladykissingfish]

god it’s so beautiful I can’t —

[ladykissingfish]

Sasori, if Deidara’s trying to be gentle with you it doesn’t necessarily mean that he broke something

(He actually broke the microwave but that’s obviously a coincidence)

[ladykissingfish]

teeny deidara, my original skrunkly

[ladykissingfish]

*Kisame gently bathing an injured Itachi*

Kisame, speaking quietly: So many scars you have. Your skin certainly tells an interesting tale.

Itachi, head hung down, half asleep: A tale of abject failure, maybe.

Kisame: *sighs* You’re certainly in a mood this evening, aren’t you? Lift your arms, please.

Itachi: *does as asked and groans* God … I feel so sore. And this headache just refuses to leave.

Kisame: Perhaps this’ll encourage you to actually listen to me when I try to warn you about overusing those eyes of yours …

Itachi: I know, I know …

Kisame: I know you know, but my point is that you don’t listen. Every battle, every encounter we have, you lean on that sharingan until you’re at the brink of exhaustion. When is it going to be enough, Itachi? We CAN train in other means of combat, you know? I’ve seen your Taijutsu before, it’s pretty fiercesome, so why —

Itachi: You worry too much, you know that? *scoots over and playfully swirls his fingers around in the water* Why don’t you climb on in here with me, and I’ll show you some of my other skills ~

Kisame: *gives Itachi a wry smile and shakes his head* Nice try, brat, but it’s not working. *holds out Itachi’s robe for him* Come on, you’ve been in there long enough. Let’s get you into bed and a hot cup of tea in your hands.

Itachi: *steps out of the tub and into the waiting robe* When you say “bed”, do you mean —

Kisame: Yes; my bed. I prefer you there, anyway. Easier to keep an eye on you.

Itachi, indignantly: Oi, you’re acting like I’m some child that can’t be trusted. Worse than that, you’re giving me the same treatment that Sasori-san gives Deidara, or Kakuzu-san gives Hidan! Don’t lump me in with those immature brats! I’m not —

*from down the hall*

Deidara: Danaaa! You’re being a jerk, hm!

Sasori: If me being a “jerk” means preventing you from jumping off the roof to “prove that death is a social construct”, then I guess I’ll just keep on being a jerk.

*from the opposite end of the hall*

Hidan: ‘Kuzuuuu! You never let me have any fun, you bastard!

Kakuzu: Fun? For the love of that fake god of yours, how is wrestling a just-out-of hibernation bear FUN?! I KNOW your stupid ass can’t die but can you think of me for once, eh? Can you think of the guy whose gonna have to sew your ridiculous body back together??

Itachi, to Kisame: See?! I may overuse my eyes but at least I’m not actively doing crazy things like those two! I —

*Tobi walks up*

Tobi: Itachi-senpai! Are we still having our dango eating contest tonight? Tobi is positive that he’ll beat your record of 142 dango in one hour!

Kisame:

Itachi: … Okay, even half-blind I can still see that smug look on your face, Kisa.

[ladykissingfish]

Sasori: I think my puppet body isn't as infallible to human disease as I'd originally thought. Deidara: What do you mean? Sasori: It's hard to explain. I don't have a heart anymore but when I'm around you? I get the odd phantom-sensation that it's beating out of my chest. I don't require air to breathe but again, when I'm around you, I often feel the need to take deep breaths and calm myself. Sasori: And when you smile? Or when I hear you laugh? My God, it's like somebody with giant hands and is taking hold of me and shaking me up to the heavens, so that I lose all control of my senses and feel I have to do or say or give you ANYTHING to get you to smile or laugh more. Sasori: *glares at Deidara accusingly* What have you done to me, eh? What ... what horrible magic trick is it that you're working on me?! *storms out* Deidara: Deidara, to Konan: Am I insane or did he just -- Konan: Did he just admit that he's in love with you? Yes, yes he did. Deidara: Should I ... should I confess back, or --? Konan: You should let him stew it out for a bit. It'll be hilarious when he finally figures it out on his own. Deidara: True.

[ladykissingfish]

so pretty 😍

[ladykissingfish]

*Sasori sitting on top of a small hill and making adjustments to/cleaning Hiroku, while Deidara, Hidan and Itachi bathe in the river below*

Zetsu: *pops up out of the ground next to Sasori* Ah, here you all are. Leader sent me to check on you, as he expected everyone back hours ago.

Sasori: We ran into a dust storm on our way back. Their skin was coated in soot, so I deemed it necessary to have them clean themselves before we returned to the hideout.

Zetsu: *chuckles* “To the hideout”; who would have thought such a sentence possible several years ago?

Sasori: Mm. I’ll admit that I had my misgivings when Pein-sama voiced his desire that we all live together in a permanent residence, but, overall I believe it was a good choice. Apparently having a “home” to come back to and the promise of consistent meals has done everyone some good, mentally and physically. *points* Look at how much healthier those three look, for example. I can no longer count each of their ribs through their clothes.

Zetsu: I agree. Deidara especially. He seems so much more comfortable in his own skin, especially after you did that procedure for him.

*the two look down at Deidara, where the twin scars on his chest show as he splashes in the water*

Sasori: It was the least I could do. I know what it is, to feel as though you’re not in the right body. It’s why I turned myself into a puppet, after all. Helping him to look more the way he wanted to look … a small thing, compared to that smile he always has now.

Zetsu: He didn’t wish to cut his hair though?

Sasori: No; he adores his long hair. Spends forever taking care of it every night.

Zetsu: Mm. And the others have been supportive?

Sasori: Yes. Well, Hidan was his usual crude and tactless self at first. Told quite a few hurtful jokes. But I took him aside and helped him see the error of his ways.

Zetsu: Oh? How so?

Sasori: I simply told him that if the disrespect continued, I would wait until he fell asleep and give him a little “elective surgery” as well. In the end he decided he would like his penis to remain where it is, and NOT sewn onto his face.

Zetsu:

Happy Birthday, @denerturee 🤗🎉😘

[ladykissingfish]

*Deidara, coming out of anesthesia at the dentist's office* Deidara: Whooooa ... everything looks so pretty ... Sasori, sitting in the chair next to him: You look pretty too, all doped up and happy. Deidara: *turns his head to look at Sasori* Whoooo … are you? Sasori: I’m here to sit with you while you recover, and then take you home with me. Deidara: Oi, I don’t just go home with strangers, hm. I’m not that kind of guy. You need to at least ask me on a date before you try and take me home, man. Sasori: A date, huh? Alright; in about two weeks I’m attending a wedding, and I would love it if someone as beautiful as you could accompany me. What do you say? Deidara, dreamily: Ooooh, a wedding! I love weddings! They’re so romantic … hell yeah I’ll be your date, hm! Is it a friend getting married? Sasori: No, actually; it’s me. Deidara: Deidara: YOU’RE asking ME to be YOUR DATE on your wedding day?! What a fuckin’ scumbag asshole! Somebody needs to warn whoever’s stupid enough to marry you that you’re already planning on cheating on them and you haven’t even said “I Do” yet! Deidara: *gets up and heads for the door* God, why is it that all the cute guys I meet are so damn awful, hm?! Receptionist: You’d better catch your fiancé before he gets too far; he still seeems pretty out of it …

[ladykissingfish]

oh he so beautiful 😍

Architect of own loneliness

[ladykissingfish]

awww thank you @kakashi-from-accounting 😍😍😍 My boy is gorgeous 💥

Hi deidara

For my mutuals:

@fleetingmomentsofglory @ladykissingfish

[ladykissingfish]

Deidara: Did you know that your fingernails never stop growing, even when you’re dead and in your coffin?

Hidan: What the fuck?

Deidara: Or that your nose produces a cup of snot every day?

Hidan: That’s … fucking gross, blondie? And why are you telling me this shit?!

Deidara: Since I started dating Sasori, all he wants to talk about are medical things. And if I’m going to suffer with this, so are you, hm.

Hidan: Is this like a challenge? You think I can’t handle your weird shit? Well fuck you, you clay-eating asshole! I can take anything ya gotta throw at me!

Deidara: You’re one centimeter taller in the morning when you first get up than when you go to bed, ‘cause during the day the soft cartilage between your bones gets squashed and compressed.

Hidan:

Deidara: Every single minute, you shed over thirty thousand dead skin cells.

Hidan, sweating:

Deidara: In a single month the average person pisses enough to fill one and a half bathtubs.

Hidan: D-Dei …

Deidara: After the age of 28, approximately, you are actively in the process of dying because your cells are being destroyed faster than they can be replaced and the replacements are more and more imperfect each time.

Hidan, starting to cry: S-stop! Stop already!!

Deidara: In rare cases of severe constipation, your colon gets completely filled with feces, which causes the intestine to push it back up and out of your mouth, resulting in —

Hidan: *runs screaming from the room*

*Sasori walks in*

Sasori: What was wrong with him?

Deidara: I was just sharing some of the stuff you taught me; guess he couldn’t take it, hm.

Sasori: Awww; you actually absorb the things that I tell you about? *kisses his cheek* Proud of you. And I have some good news … 

Sasori: *gestures to the books tucked under his arm* I was able to find some more medical journals. So now I’ll have even more things to share with you! Isn’t that great?

Deidara:

Deidara: *runs screaming from the room*

[ladykissingfish]

*Kakuzu wakes up in bed, feeling disoriented and groggy*

Kakuzu: What the — *groans and touches his forehead, where he discovers a cloth bandage* What the hell is this?

*Hidan walks into the room with a tray*

Hidan: Holy shit … you’re awake!

Kakuzu: H-Hidan? What happened? Why do I feel so strange?

Hidan: First of all, lay back down, old bastard. You ain’t been very well. You don’t remember what happened when we came back from that mission?

Kakuzu: No?

Hidan: *sets down the tray and kneels on the floor by Kakuzu’s pallet, sighing*

Hidan: We came back, and I told you that your skin was like, turning fuckin’ green. You said it was fine and that you just needed a bath. You got through the doorway, and out of no where you just passed out. Your big stupid head hit that table in the hall, that’s why you got a bandaid. Seriously ‘Kuzu you need to lose some weight, it took four of us to drag your ass in here! You —

Kakuzu: *closing his eyes* Just get to the point, brat.

Hidan: Anyways, puppet-dick looked at ya and took some blood and shit and he said you were poisoned. Probably that guy who gave us the bread when you dropped your bounty off to him. I TOLD you that fucker looked like a shitty asshole! That’s why I didn’t eat MY bread, but your cheap ass blows a fuse about “wasting food” and —

Kakuzu: Hidan.

Hidan: Right. So puppet-dick made ya some kinda antidote but he said it’d make you sleep for a while, til your body got rid of the fever or something. You been in here, being a pain in the ass, for almost a week.

Kakuzu, muttering: I’ve been out a week? Good lord … wait. These aren’t the clothes I was wearing before, right? Did you … did you change me?

Hidan, blushing and scowling: It ain’t a big deal, bastard. I’ve just been giving you little washings and I changed your dirty-ass clothes. So what?

Kakuzu: *looks at the tray and sees it contains a bowl of broth*

Kakuzu: Have … you been feeding me, as well?

Hidan:  … What? I was supposed to just let your dumbass starve to death?

Kakuzu: *is momentarily stunned silent at the implication that HIDAN has been taking care of him*

Kakuzu, managing to sit up and clearing his throat: That looks really good, and I’m hungry. My arms still feel a little weak; can you help me?

Hidan, blushing harder than ever: Y-yeah. I mean I guess since you’re old and weak I have no choice. *dishes up a spoonful of broth* Open wide, bastard.

*Hidan feeds Kakuzu quietly for a while*

Kakuzu, smiling: This is good. Konan is a fine cook.

Hidan: Tsk; I made this, asshole.

Kakuzu, surprised: You did? On your own?

Hidan: You say that like I’m stupid or something. Yeah, on my own. I made a roast and then strained it and added cream so that you could swallow. If there’s any left, when ya get better we can eat the actual meat. You —

Kakuzu: *reaches out and pulls Hidan into his arms, cradling him against his chest*

Hidan: O-Oi! Hey! Let go of me, old man!

Kakuzu: *ignores Hidan and kisses the top of his head* I love you, you insufferable brat.

Hidan: *smirks and allows himself to relax in Kakuzu’s arms* Love you too, you shitty old bastard.

Kakuzu: I’m a shitty bastard, eh? Well you know what? Your God is fake and your beliefs are garbage.

Hidan: Your money won’t last and your greed will send you to burn in hell for all eternity.

Kakuzu, pulling off Hidan’s shirt: Burn with me.

*the two start making out in-between trading more cutting insults*

Deidara, coming into the room with medicine sent from Sasori: God damn what the fuck is wrong with you two, hm?!

[ladykissingfish]

The absolute worst feeling in the entire world is feeling like you’re all alone, and no one understands you. I’ve tried talking to professionals, family, friends, coworkers, and I just feel so much like I’m not being heard or seen. Like I’m invisible. Sometimes I just need … I don’t know. Not to hear the same stupid “advice” I keep on hearing like a broken record. Things I’ve already done or tried. Like. Stop. Fucking stop.

[ladykissingfish]

Sasuke: Oi, dobe, can I ask you a question? A kinda weird question? Naruto: Yeah? Sasuke, blushing: When ... when me and you ... have ... you know? Is Kurama watching us? Naruto, also blushing: Now there's a thought I didn't need in my head, dattebayo! Sasuke: It's just, I started to think about it last night and -- Kurama, speaking from inside Naruto: Don't worry, brat. My highly superior brain is able to block out any moments that I believe Naruto would not want me to see. This includes him using the bathroom, and -- and what the two of you do. Sasuke, breathing out a sigh of relief: Thank God. Naruto: See, Sasuke? Kurama is a pretty cool guy, isn't he? He's always -- Kurama: Of course, BEFORE me and you became friends, I wasn’t quite so respectful of your personal life. In fact, me and the other tailed beasts had bets going on how long it would take you to realize you were gay. *sighs* That stupid Tanuki beat me by two years; he noticed the way you were looking at that Gaara-brat. Naruto: Sasuke: … GAARA?! Naruto:

[ladykissingfish]

😍

Aaaah spring always makes me draw this stuff

[ladykissingfish]

JASON X (2001) dir. James Isaac