yowyowyaoi

[yowyowyaoi]

*Deidara wakes up in the middle of the night in a bed, and looks around, confused*

Deidara: Obito?

Obito, from the floor: I’m down here.

Deidara, leaning over the side of the bed: What the hell? Why are you down there, hm?

Obito, quietly: My back started acting up again. Needed a hard surface to lay on.

Deidara: Oi … *wraps a blanket around himself and grabs a pillow, joining Obito on the floor* What’s the point of shelling out money to stay at an inn if you’re just gonna lay on the floor like we’re camping or something??

Obito: At least we’re not in the rain …

Deidara: Mm; true enough. *moves the pillow so that half is under Obito’s head, then covers them both with the blanket before laying down next to him*

Obito: You don’t have to —

Deidara: Yeah, yeah, I know, old man. *puts one arm around Obito’s chest* Just be quiet and rest, hm. I want to leave early tomorrow so we can get this mission over with.

Obito, indignantly: I’m not old …

Deidara: Are too. What are you, like, forty or something?

Obito: … Seriously?? I’m only thirty-one!

Deidara: Whatever, grandpa. Go to sleep.

Obito: You know what? Now you’ve got me riled up, brat … *positions himself so that he’s on top of Deidara* I’m gonna show you that my age doesn’t — *stops, makes a sudden gasping noise*

Deidara:

Deidara: … You just pulled a muscle again, didn’t you?

Obito: *blushes and nods*

Deidara: You need me to go find some ice for you?

Obito: And a snack, please. But make sure it’s nothing too spicy; don’t want to upset my old-man stomach.

Deidara: Of course.

[yowyowyaoi]

*Madara goes into Hashirama’s bedroom*

Madara: Okay, Hashi … *sits at the edge of the bed* Unfortunately I’m not in the mood to mind-read today, so you’re just going to have to tell me what’s wrong.

Hashirama, face buried in pillow: N-nothing!

Madara: Hashirama. You just barely made it through that meeting before you ran out of the building and all the way back here. I had to lie to the others and tell them that you have a stomachache. But seriously, what’s wrong?

Hashirama: It’s just … Madara it’s just …

Madara: Was it what those guys from the Cloud said, about increasing the taxes on goods that they send to us? Because I keep telling you, if we just negotiate a little longer, then —

Hashirama, lifting his tear-stained face from his pillow: It’s not the damn taxes, Madara! It was Izuna!

Madara, surprised:  Izuna? What in the world did my little brother do?? He was perfectly behaved and respectful today, wasn’t he? 

Hashirama: Y-yes, but he … Madara, he …

Madara: Yes?

Hashirama, holding back a sob: His face, he had stubble on his cheeks and upper lip!

Madara: … Seriously? That’s what’s got you so upset? *scoffs* I didn’t realize that grooming habits were so important to the Senju.

Hashirama: That’s not it at all. It’s, well … don’t you get it? Izuna is growing up!

Madara: … Yes? And?

Hashirama: He’s the same age as MY little brother, so that means Tobirama is growing up, too! God, when did this happen? When did they stop being little kids that we could shelter and protect??

Madara: Ah, Hashi … *leans down and puts his arms around Hashirama* I get what you’re saying, I really do. But me and you, we practically raised our brothers, ourselves. And I think we did a damn good job of it. They both turned into strong, respectable men. Shouldn’t we be proud of that, instead of focusing on the negatives?

Hashirama: I guess. It’s just —

Madara: It’s just that you still worry about Tobirama, right? Shit, I know, I sometimes stay up all night just thinking about Izuna, and what the future might hold for him. But at some point, we’ve got to let all of that go, and just be grateful for the time we have with them, you know?

Hashirama: *heaves a long, shuddering sigh and kisses Madara’s cheek* You’re right, I know you’re right. Thank you, Madara.

Madara: You don’t have to thank me, love. And besides, we don’t really have to worry about our brothers. I’m fairly sure they’re going to end up together, and take care of each other.

Hashirama: Wait … what? Are we talking about the same two people? Because from what I’ve seen, those two despise each other. So what —

*in the distance*

Izuna, panting: Ha! I’ve done it again! Even in sparring, I’ve proved that I’m better than you, Senju scum!!

Tobirama: Better than me? Are you serious? You barely came out of our session unscathed! You’re pathetic!

Izuna: Pathetic? Who’s the one who fell to his knees crying and begging for me to lift my gengetsu??

Tobirama: Because you kept showing me images of me and you kissing!

Izuna: *steps up and wraps his arms around Tobirama’s waist* And? Do you object to that?

Tobirama: … Actually, no. *leans in and starts kissing down Izuna’s neck* Please, continue.

Madara, to Hashirama: See? Our baby brothers are doing just fine, Hashi!

Hashirama: …

[yowyowyaoi]

Sasori: Deidara! Come in here, please.

*Deidara walks into Sasori’s lab*

Deidara: Yeah?

Sasori: *reaches out and pulls Deidara into his arms* I was simply wondering if you’d changed your mind about what I asked you yesterday.

Deidara: *sighs* No, Danna. I still don’t want to do anything for my birthday, hm.

Sasori: I wish I understood why. You truly don’t wish for any kind of gift, or a special meal, or any sort of celebration at all?

Deidara: What’s there to celebrate? Another year older, another year closer to the grave.

Sasori: You know I can remedy that for you anytime you say so …

Deidara: You’re never gonna sell me on having a puppet body, hm, so you may as well give that up.

Sasori: And anyway, what’s this sudden disdain for death? You’ve been harping at me for the past two years about the “artistic, explosive” end you hope to meet someday. Why the sudden aversion?

Deidara: Because I can’t just blow myself up, Sasori! Don’t you get it? It has to be the exact right moment in time, it has to make an impact. But what if the right moment never comes? What if I wait and wait for it before I realize it I’ve become a little gray-haired man who isn’t even interested in art anymore?

Sasori: *sighs and puts his head on Deidara’s shoulder* I truly never thought the day would come when I met an even bigger over-thinker than myself.  *lifts his head up and looks Deidara in the eyes* Moments either happen or they don’t. There is absolutely no sense in worrying over that which you can’t control.

Deidara: But —

Sasori: And besides, even if you’re right and that moment never comes … would it really be so bad, if you lived out your natural life with me? Mm? *kisses Deidara’s neck* I AM rather fond of having you around, you know. It would be difficult for me to adjust to you being gone, no matter when it happened.

Deidara: *grins* Yeah? You’re saying you’re still gonna want me when I’m not young and hot anymore?

Sasori: Age is subjective, my dear. And as for “hot” … I hate to burst your bubble, but you’re not even the best-looking man I know.

Deidara: *starts to laugh* Youre such a liar, Danna! Who the hell else do you think that —

Sasori: Itachi:

Deidara: …

Deidara: … What?

Sasori: Itachi. That young man has extremely pleasing features, and there’s something about that long dark hair of his that’s just —

Deidara: *starts digging into his pocket for clay* I think that “exact right moment” is here, Danna. I’m just gonna go find Uchiha and —

Sasori: I thought you might react like that, so, I made you this — *goes into a closet and brings out a new puppet that’s been designed to look like Itachi*

Deidara: What the —

Sasori: *opens the puppets chest cavity to reveal it’s been stuffed with fireworks* You know I couldn’t let this day pass without making it at least somewhat “explosive” for you, love. *hands him a packet of matches and kisses his cheek* Happy birthday.

Deidara:

Deidara, tears in eyes: You truly are my soulmate …

[yowyowyaoi]

I literally don't understand how ANYONE can listen to Bohemian Rhapsody and not sing along. And not say "Mama" in the deepest voice possible. Like I don't get it. At all.

[yowyowyaoi]

*Deidara laying flat on his back in his bed*

Deidara: Oi, Uchiha!

Itachi, passing by: Yes?

Deidara: Come lay on top of me, hm.

Itachi:

Itachi: Pardon?

Deidara: I need you to come lay on top of me.

Itachi:

Itachi: … Why?

Deidara: Been having trouble sleeping lately, hm. Danna says a weighted blanket might help. But Kakuzu said we can’t afford one, so, I figure I’ll just have to use one of you guys.

Itachi: Isn’t there someone else you can —

Deidara: Kakuzu was too heavy. Kisame was both too heavy and smelled like fish. Konan was too light. Sasori’s wood body was too clunky, Hidan smelled like blood, Zetsu would try to eat me, and Tobi just … made it weird, hm. C’mon, you red-eyed bastard, what else do you have to do right now?? Or is the Uchiha too arrogant to —

Itachi: *sighs and goes to Deidara, carefully climbing over him*

Deidara: Mmm, not bad, actually. You smell good, you’re a decent weight, and you’re warm. I might just … I might … *eyes flutter and he starts to drift to sleep*

Itachi: 

Itachi: *sighs* Might as well catch up on my sleep, too … *closes eyes and relaxes more against Deidara*

*a bit later*

Kisame, standing in the doorway: My, my, what a cute scene.

Tobi, in Obito voice: Wonder if it’ll still be cute when I accidentally plunge my kunai right into that traitor’s back …

Kisame:

[yowyowyaoi]

Deidara: Hey, Danna ... you know all those old-ass cartoons you used to watch when you were a kid a hundred years ago? Sasori: I'm not that old, Deidara. But yes. Why? Deidara: That one show about the Pink Panther, hm. With all the old-timey spy music. What kind of animal is he supposed to be, anyway? Sasori: Are you seriously asking me what kind of animal the pink panther is? Deidara: And what makes him think he's some kind of spy? He's too big and clumsy to be covert, and he -- Sasori: Hang on, I'm still stuck on you asking me what kind of animal the pink PANTHER is. Please tell me you're just teasing me right now. Please. Deidara: *huffs* You old guys really keep secrets about the weirdest things, huh? Well if you don't want to tell me, maybe I can convince Kakuzu to, hm. *leaves* Sasori: Sasori, looking at his wedding ring: Mistakes were made…

[yowyowyaoi]

*Kakuzu sits by an unconscious Hidan’s bedside, speaking quietly to him*

Kakuzu: Hidan. Please. You have to try and pull yourself together. Please. You’ve been asleep for five days, now. It’s never taken you this long to heal yourself before.

Kakuzu: *starts to tear up*  Is this it, then? Is this the definitive limit of “immortality”? What if — I can’t bear to think of never seeing your eyes open, never hearing that voice of yours again … * lays his head down on Hidan’s chest and gives a long, shuddering sigh*

Sasori, quietly coming into the room: Kakuzu. I’m sorry for the disturbance, but I came to check his vitals again.  *goes to Hidan and starts his daily examination*

Kakuzu: Sasori … why is this taking so long? When will he recover?

Sasori: Difficult to say, honestly. His body needs time to recuperate before he’s ready to wake up. I realize it doesn’t usually take him this long, however each injury is different.

Kakuzu: I know …

Sasori: I … couldn’t help but overhear what you were saying to him, when I came in. *sits down next to Kakuzu* Honestly, I’d likely be as nervous and scared as you are, if it were MY brat laying here. But for what it’s worth … Hidan is very, very lucky to have someone who loves him as much as you do, and —

Kakuzu: Love?? What in the world are you talking about, Sasori? The very last job we did before he got hurt was a bank heist. We made off with over twenty million. I sent Hidan ahead and told him to hide the money while I dealt with the witnesses. This one — *points his finger at Hidan* —managed to hide the money so well that I can’t find it anywhere, and I’ve looked absolutely everywhere! And then he has the audacity to pass out before he can even tell me where it is! 

Kakuzu: *starts to openly sob* Twenty million! WAKE UP ALREADY AND GET ME MY MONEY, YOU GODDAMNED IDIOT!!

Sasori:

[yowyowyaoi]

*At the Uchiha complex*

Madara, sitting in his easy chair, leaning forward on his cane: —and that’s when I activated my susanoo. Oh, you should have seen it, boys. It was mighty and magnificent. And Hashirama, that idiot, decided to summon one of those horrible-looking wood golems to fight against me. Ah, the way he looked standing on it, his long brown hair blowing in the wind …

Obito: Gramps. Please. Not this story again.

Itachi: You tell us this same tale at least once a week. I fail to see the point.

Madara: Tsk; you insolent brats. Do you think you’re too good to learn your clan’s history?

Sasuke: Sounds more like a love story than anything remotely resembling our clan’s “history”.

Madara: It’s not a love story! I hated that despicable Senju asshole!

Obito: *holds up a sketchbook* Then how come the majority of your drawings are of him? Many of them nudes, I might add.

Sasuke: And the poetry you’ve made us listen to about him.

Itachi: Not to mention every year on his birthday you force us to take you to his gravestone and we spend all day watching you eat cake and drink tea and “talk” with him.

Madara: None of that is love, you fools. It’s a show of respect, to pay tribute to your enemies.

Sasuke: *pulling on his cloak* Then I’m going to go “pay tribute” to Naruto tonight. Be back in the morning. *leaves*

Obito: Also, Kakashi is coming over later so we can “pay tribute” to each other. Just a warning, we “pay tribute” loudly, so, it may be best to find something to distract yourselves with tonight. *leaves to get his room ready*

Itachi: Mm, looks like you taught us well, gramps.

Madara: Shut up.

[yowyowyaoi]

*Deidara goes into Obito’s bedroom wearing an oversized robe and rubbing a towel over his head*

Deidara: Oi, old man … help me out and brush out my hair for me, hm.

Obito: *sniffs the air* Did you use my shampoo? And isn’t that my robe?

Deidara: *plops himself down on the bed in front of Obito* You’re the one who told me to make myself at home, aren’t you? Now come on — *hands Obito the hairbrush over his shoulder* It’ll be super soft and fluffy if it’s brushed while it’s still a little damp, hm.

Obito: You know, if you ever decide to take me up on my offer to have you move in here with me, I’ll brush out your hair every single night. 

Deidara: And permanently be surrounded by a bunch of Uchihas? Wow; what a wonderful thing that would be, hm. Now get to brushing.

Obito: *picks up the brush and starts pulling it through Deidara’s locks* Has anybody ever told you that you’re incredibly spoiled?

Deidara, grinning: Last night you said I was “incredibly sexy”, now it’s incredibly spoiled. At least I know for sure that you think I’m incredible.

Obito, sighing: You damn brat …

Deidara: And besides, if I AM spoiled, it’s your own damn fault, hm. I mean, you could always tell me “no” once in a while …

Obito: Oh, sure. And endure the sulking, the pouting, the explosive tantrums? Nice try, Deidara, but you’re not fooling me. And besides, I think I know what you need to calm you down some.

Deidara: As appealing as that sounds, I’m gonna say No, hm. My body still needs to recover from last night … and earlier this morning.

Obito: Not that! I meant, I think maybe you’d do well with some good food in your stomach.

Deidara: Ooh, now you’re talking! Okay, what are you going to make??

Obito: I’m not cooking, dear. Tonight you’ll have a gourmet dinner prepared by the best chef in the house!

Deidara: *groans* Itachi? That weasel? I thought you said him and that annoying brother of his went on a hot springs trip??

Obito: They came back home last night. You didn’t hear them come in? Well, I guess you wouldn’t have, considering at the time I had you bent over the —

Deidara, blushing and turning to smack Obito’s shoulder: Shut up. Geez, I guess that means they heard everything, then? How embarrassing…

Obito: Oi, it’s not like that. You know Itachi and Sasuke have been more than respectable of our relationship, the same way that I show respect to theirs. That’s what being family is about, isn’t it?

Deidara: Yeah but their situations are different, hm. At the rate Sasuke’s going, he’ll never seal the deal with that Kyuubi kid. And Red-Eyes and Kisame are so weirdly polite with each other, you’d think they were business partners instead of guys who have been married for five years, hm.

Obito: Everyone takes things at their own pace, Dei.  OUR relationship just progressed more quickly, that’s all. *leans forward and wraps his arms around Deidara’s shoulders* It’s not my fault that you bring out the animalistic passion in me ~

Deidara: Oh yeah? Well —

*from down the hallway* 

Itachi: It’s too bad you can’t bring out a passion for him being a decent cook. I’m going to have to throw this pan out, it’s so scorched.

Kisame: Better to start leaving meals for Dei-kun when we go places, so he doesn’t die of starvation or food poisoning.

Sasuke: And for God’s sake, Obito, could you be any more of a slob? The living room is atrocious. Not even Naruto’s apartment is this bad, and that’s really saying something!

Itachi: And another thing, Obito, while we’re on the subject —

Deidara: Mm, maybe I WILL enjoy living here after all, hm.

Obito:

[yowyowyaoi]

I had a thought of Kakuzu and Hidan being like Debbie and Uncle Fester from Addam’s Family Values, where Kakuzu keeps trying to kill Hidan for his family fortune but he won’t die, and just seems to fall deeper in love with him.

that’s such a great connection that you’ve made. first of all, I LOVE the original Addams Family movie, and I normally despise sequels but Addams Family Values is probably one of my favorite movies of all time. funnily enough I never would have imagined Hidan and Kakuzu in those roles; if anything, I would have said Tobi and Deidara. Tobi being Uncle Fester and Deidara being Debbie, blonde hair diva attitude and all. But I appreciate your unique vision!

[yowyowyaoi]

*Sasori sitting by Deidara’s bedside*

Deidara, groaning: Danna. Danna, I’m dying. Please don’t let Zetsu eat me. Please — *suddenly turns green*

Sasori: *quickly grabs a bucket from the floor and holds it under Deidara’s chin as he throws up noisily into it*

Sasori: While it may feel monstrous, you having the stomach flu does not equate to you dying. *hands Deidara a water bottle*

Deidara: And how come these assholes gotta be with me??

*Sasori looks over at his other “patients”; Hidan, Tobi and Itachi, all in various stages of wakefulness on the bed*

Sasori: Because it makes sense to quarantine the sick in one area, dear. And since you have the biggest bed in the entire house, well …

Hidan: Fuckin’ smells like puke in here. 

Deidara: Then go die in your own room, asshole!

Itachi: S-Sasori-san, please can you get me another blanket? I’m f-freezing …

Tobi, mask off, sweating bullets and speaking in his own voice: How are you cold? It’s gotta be a thousand degrees in here!

Sasori: Now, now, everyone; calm down. All of you sit up, it’s time for your next dose of medicine. *measures liquid into little plastic cups and passes them around*

Deidara: I’m so hungry … can you make me something to eat?

Hidan: How the hell are you hungry?? You just threw up like four times this morning, you nasty fuck!

Deidara: Then there’s nothing in my stomach, is there, dumbass?!

Sasori: Alright, enough with the fighting. I’ll make you all some tea and dry toast momentarily. *leaves the room*

Hidan: Now that he’s gone, we gotta talk about the elephant in the room, blondie. How much can we trust him? Is he planning to turn us into puppets or what?

Itachi: Hidan! What a rude thing to ask about the person who’s spending so much time taking care of us!

Obito: No, he’s asking a very valid question.

Deidara: He’s not going to turn us into puppets, hm. Or at least, not you guys. Me, maybe; but I’ve made my peace with that.

Hidan: What do you mean, not you guys? The fuck’s wrong with us??

Deidara: Isn’t it obvious? Sasori treasures beauty in his pieces. None of you even come close to being as pretty as me.

Obito, rolling his eye: Pass me the bucket, please. Your narcissism turns my stomach, “Senpai”.

Deidara: What? It’s the truth! I’m just —

*Sasori comes back, carrying Konan in his arms*

Sasori: Make room, please. You all have a newly sick bedmate.

Konan, shivering as Sasori tucks her in to the far end of the bed: Oh god, I’m dying —

Sasori: *smooths Konan’s hair back from her forehead* Nonsense, my dear. Mm, it’s a little surprising, how … beautiful, you are, even in this state. *gets a wide smile on his face* I’m going to make these gentlemen tea and toast, and I’ll be sure to make you something extra special. Be right back. *leaves*

Hidan: *starts laughing* What a blast to your ego, eh, blondie?!

Deidara: Shut up, Hidan! And Konan, if I were you, hm, no matter what Sasori brings in here, do not eat or drink anything he tries to give you.

Konan:

[yowyowyaoi]

Hidan: Hey, blondie, red-eyes ... you guys ever wonder what it would be like to have a home? Itachi: I'm assuming you mean a REAL home, and not one of the hundreds of hideouts we've inhabited in the past few years? Hidan: Yeah. Like, what would that shit be like? Itachi: My ideal home would be a small cottage in the woods somewhere. Cozy, quiet, comfortable. *blushes slightly* And of course, to be able to come back to Kisame each night ... Hidan: Shit, the old bastard and his greed must be rubbing off on me, because I can see myself in some big-ass white house, with a huge yard, and all kinds of expensive furniture inside. Maybe somewhere on the beach, so I can work on my tan. And Kakuzu, if he hasn't kicked the bucket by then. What about you, blondie? Deidara: Honestly, it probably wouldn't matter to me where the place was or what it looked like, hm. Like you guys said, the important thing to me would be coming home to Danna every night. Itachi: That's really a rather sweet things for you to say, Deidara. You -- Deidara: Sasori up to his elbows in human entrails, random body parts scattered all over the carpet. The constant smell of blood and chemicals. Me blowing up the bodies he doesn't think are "suitable" into millions of pieces in the yard ... *sighs dreamily* Maybe one day our dreams will come true, hm. Itachi and Hidan:

[yowyowyaoi]

Deidara: Hey, Danna ... me and you are dating, aren't we? Sasori: I suppose. Deidara: So why haven't we done anything ... you know, under the covers yet? Sasori: Do you actually know what "under the covers" entails, or are you making assumptions based on the hyper-sexual things that Hidan has told you? Deidara, blushing: Hey, I'm not completely stupid, hm. I may be young and I don't have a lot, well, ANY experience with this stuff. But ... I do know that I love you, hm, and I feel like I want to try some stuff with you. But if you don't feel the same way, then-- Sasori: Never said I didn't, Deidara. But, sexual activity is a big thing, and it requires a lot of emotional preparation beforehand. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure that you're mature enough to do such things with me. Deidara, indignantly: Oi! I'm VERY mature, Sasori! Just last week, that five year old threw sand all over me at the playground, BUT I walked away, like an adult. Itachi, from the other room: No you didn't. You destroyed his sand castle and threatened to explode his house and his parents. Hidan, from another room: Not to mention we were only at the playground in the first place because you wanted to try out the new swingset and, I quote, "Fly right up into outer space!". Deidara: Shut up, you two! None of that proves I'm not mature! I still say-- Tobi, in Obito voice: I think you're plenty mature, Senpai. Entirely ready to do "big boy" things. Ditch the puppet and come to my room, I'll show you what I mean ~ Deidara: Deidara, to Sasori: Maybe us waiting a bit is right after all, hm.

[yowyowyaoi]

*Sasori walks into the hideout carrying Deidara in his arms* Sasori: We're back. Konan: ... What happened? Sasori: I've decided that I'm madly in love with this beautiful brat, and I can't bear to have him out of my arms, even for a few seconds. Konan: Aww, really?! Sasori: No. But what I said sounds much better than "The idiot tripped over a rock, sprained his ankle, fell on one of his own bombs, managed to knock himself unconscious AND bring a bear attack on us by somehow managing to break open a honey-comb with his chin." If I wasn't a puppet, I'd have gotten stung at least a thousand times already. And if I was unable to run at light-speed while carrying such a heavy load? He would have made a great snack for that mother bear and her two cubs. Konan:

[yowyowyaoi]

Deidara: Danna? Are you coming to bed soon or what?! Sasori: What's the rush for me to come to bed? So I can stare at a book while listening to you snore all night? Deidara: Nobody said you had to do something as boring as read all night, hm. Seeing as you don't sleep, there are probably a million fun things you could do. Sasori: Oh? Alright, Dei, say our positions were reversed, and you were the one with the puppet body and the inability to sleep. How would you spend YOUR nights? Deidara: First of all, I would grab you and have sex with you for as long as you could stand it, hm. Sasori: *chuckles* Figures that'd be your answer, brat. Deidara: But that's just the beginning. So, after, I wait for you to shower and then fall asleep, right? As soon as you're out, I grab Red-Eyes and Hidan and leave the hideout. We go to this tavern that's in the next village. I'm dressed like a woman, Red-Eyes is my "date", and Hidan is out back. Sasori: What -- Deidara: Itachi pretends to get really drunk, like falling out of his seat drunk. I pretend to be mad and wait until some guy who's looking to score comes up and offers to take me home. Deidara: I lead them around the back, and that's where Hidan gets hold of 'em. He does that stupid sacrifice thingy. I set off fireworks while I watch. Then we clean up, I go back in, and we do the whole thing over again, until the sun comes up. Deidara: Then, we come home at daybreak, I check in on you, make sure you're still sleeping, sit down and pick up a book. I pretend to be reading it when you wake up. You ask me what I did all night, I say "Nothing special." Then the next night we do it all over again. Deidara: Unless, of course, we could find a way to gain access to the zoo, hm. Now THAT changes up my entire game-plan. See, first we'd free the monkeys from -- Sasori: You and I are very different people, my dear.

[yowyowyaoi]

*Sasori glances up from a book and notices Deidara staring intently at the back of his hand* Sasori: Dei? My dear? Deidara: Yeah? Sasori: Er, you've been looking at your hand for, I don't know, at least an hour now. Is there something wrong with it? Deidara: Did you ever notice before how many different little spots there are on the hand, the spots where the hair is connected to, hm? Sasori: ... No? Deidara: But that's nothing; watch his! *moves his hand exaggeratedly slow in the air in front of his face* Sasori: What was I supposed to see? Deidara: You didn't see the colors? Or the sparkles? Or hear the "ding ding" bell sound?? Here, I'll show you again ... *moves his hand slowly again and giggles* Sasori: Sasori: Are ... are you feeling all right? Deidara: I feel GREAT, hm. When me and Tobi were walking back home through the woods, he found a mushroom patch! At first I thought they tasted weird, but after about five of them, my whole body felt lighter and everything got so bright, hm! Sasori: M-mushroom patch? What kind of mushrooms did you -- *Tobi walks in, completely maskless, tears coming down his face* Tobi, in Obito voice: Senpaaaaai! I found my face! IT WAS BEHIND MY MASK THE WHOLE TIME! Deidara: That's great, Tobi! Hey, watch, I wanna show you something cool to do with your hands! Sasori:

[yowyowyaoi]

Sasori: Hello, my love. *kisses Deidara's cheek* What's on your mind today? Deidara: Someone should make it where, if you have a backache, there should be a small hole below the base of your neck, right? And someone else can reach in there, and pull out your entire spine, hm. Then your spine can be stepped on, stretched, and completely straightened out. THEN your spine can be put back into your body through the hole, and boom! No more backache! Sasori: Sasori: Would ... would anyone else in the room care to share their thoughts with me? Something a little less odd, perhaps? Hidan: Does Lord Jashin get a boner when I sacrifice people to him? Do Gods get boners at all? Leader thinks he's a God, should I ask him when the last time he got hard was? Sasori: Sasori: Er ... Itachi? Itachi: *sighs deeply* I was just thinking that -- Sasori: Actually, nevermind.