#today im making muddy buddies

[cyanidas]

Happy Sweetest Day!! 

An obscure local holiday that’s like a chill halloween-flavored valentines day - it was made to drive candy sales but I don’t care because I’m full of Gay and Candycore vibes.

[raindownforme]

He Doesn’t Understand

C!Charlie Slimecicle x reader [they/them used]

Slime ran his hands down the white shirt of his suit, pressing it flatter against his body. Quackity would be downstairs any minute now.

“Hey.” Quackity’s voice rang true as he descended into the room Slime slept in. He bounced up from his bed, running over to Quackity.

“Hi Quackity from Las Nevadas! I’m excited to do gambling!”

“No gambling today buddy.” Quackity chuckled a bit. “I’ve got another thing for you.”

“Oh?” Slime followed Quackity out of the base of the tower towards the entrance to the city Quackity had built. He watched as Quackity extended a hand to gesture off into the distance.

“Do you remember when I had you spy on Purpled?”

“Yes!”

“Good, because I need you to spy on someone else.”

“Okay Quackity from Las Nevadas!” Slime followed Quackity to the outskirts of the SMP. Quackity pointed out to him a lone brick house that sat atop a hill to the west of the community house. Smoke rose from the stone chimney and blew daintily over the landscape.

“That’s y/n. I need you to tell me what they do on day-to-day basis. I need to know where they go. Who they hang out with. Who they trade with.” Quackity turned his back to the SMP. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Yes!” Quackity walked back to Las Nevadas, leaving the green man behind. Slime bounded over towards the hill. He found himself a vantage point, climbing to the top of a spruce tree to watch. He could see into the wide windows of the home, where someone was working over a crafting table.

Slime watched in confusion. y/n did perfectly normal things, shearing their sheep, tending to their farm, and mining in caves. There was nothing unusual about y/n, other than that they were new and made Slime feel… something? It was something he didn’t recognize. Some feeling that itched at his bones — if he had any to begin with — and tore at his heart. He felt warm all over and jittery. He knew he was happy, Quackity told him what happy was. But this was a different happy. It was new. So he kept watching. Slime spent his whole day watching y/n. Spying on them.

When night fell, Slime hurried back to Las Nevadas to meet with his best friend Quackity. He was waiting at the top of the tower that Slime slept under.

“Hey buddy!” Quackity sat at one of the tables. “How was your day?”

“It was good! I think I call it, happy?” Slime sat in the seat next to Quackity, folding his tie so it lay flat against his chest.

“Good good. Here eat this.” Slime took the plate of baked potatoes from Quackity and began to eat sloppily with his hands. He took the whole potato and placed it into his open mouth, letting his slime self absorb it fully. Quackity watched on in horror of Slime’s seemingly normal actions. “Okay. Did they do anything? Anything suspicious?”

“Nope. They didn’t talk to anyone or trade with anyone.” Charlie paused. He looked to his side out the tall windows, gazing out over Las Nevadas. “Why am I spying on them?”

“Because I need to know. They’re new. They’re… unpredictable.” Quackity cut into his dinner with his utensils. “Why don’t you go back tomorrow. Tell me what you see then.”

And he did. Slime went back for the next three days. He went back to the same tree for three days and watched as y/n tended to their crops and went mining and did other meaningless tasks. And every day he went back and told Quackity what had happened and what they had done. Nothing felt eventful about it to the Slime, only the fact that he couldn’t describe how he felt every day he went and watched.

On the fourth day, Slime made a mistake. He had walked up and climbed the tree, as per usual, and had waited and watched. But it had started to rain, and the branch he was sitting on had become slippery, and he fell. He fell all the way from the very top of the tree to the muddy earth below. He opened his eyes wide, hoping that y/n had somehow not seen, but they were standing directly over him.

“Bah!” Slime scrambled to his side, sitting up and leaning against the tree trunk. y/n stood before him, pointing a shovel tip towards his chest.

“Who are you?”

“I-“ He paused. His face felt unexplainable warm. “I’m a human being.”

“Sure.” y/n hesitantly drew back the iron shovel, planting the tip in the dirt. “I’m also human. My name is y/n.”

They knelt down in front of him, extending a hand for him to obviously shake. “DAP ME UP.”

y/n laughed at his outburst, and he felt star struck. Something about the way they laughed was enchanting. He couldn’t look away. “What’s your name buddy?”

He couldn’t think. Quackity had never given him a real name before other than Slime, but he supposed that was more his species. It might be more similar to calling a cat “cat” rather than fluffy or spots. “I don’t have one.”

“Oh. Okay. Why don’t you come inside with me?” y/n stood up, extending their hand again, and this time Slime put his own hand in it. y/n tugged him upright until he was standing, then pulled him inside. “Here. Take this.”

Slime studied the fabric he’d been handed. “A towel!”

“Yeah. Go ahead and dry off and then you can sit anywhere.” y/n turned their back to him as they rummaged through a series of cabinets that hung over their furnace. “Would you like anything to drink? Cocoa? Tea?”

“Cocoa?” Slime sat on a set of oak chairs. He wasn’t sure what cocoa was, but less than a minute later y/n returned with two cups of the piping hot liquid, one for him and one for them. He sipped from it, unsure of if he would enjoy it, but quickly found it to be one of the best things he’d ever drank. Slime chugged the whole mug, nearly slamming it back down on the table.

y/n bit back a grin. They hadn’t drank their cocoa yet, instead using it to warm their palms. “So, a name. I could pick one for you?”

“Yes!” He smiled widely, but he wasn’t sure why he was so eager.

“Okay. Lemme think; Westley, Taylor- no wait!” y/n snapped their fingers, smiling at slime. “Charlie! What about Charlie?”

“I can be Charlie!” Something about seeing y/n happy was euphoric. He wanted to be able to do it every day for ever and ever.

“Good! Well then, Charlie.” y/n released their grip on their mug ever so slightly. “Where are you from?”

“I live in a tower.” He felt as though he should be careful with what he said. Quackity hadn’t told him whether or not y/n was welcomed in Las Nevadas.

“That’s cool.” They sipped from the warm drink. “Do you know anyone else from around? I’ve only lived here a week now and you’re the first person I’ve talked to.”

“I am?” Charlie felt a bubble grow in his chest, but he wasn’t sure what kind of bubble.

“Yeah. I guess that means you’re my first ever friend doesn’t it?”

The term “friend” struck somewhere inside him. It was negative somehow. “Yeah! Friend!”

y/n glanced out towards the windows. “You don’t have anywhere to be do you? It’s almost sunset.”

“Oh. Oh I do!” Charlie stood from his seat. “I have to go home. It was nice meeting you.”

y/n waved as he ran out the door. “It was nice meeting you too. Come back tomorrow.”

And Charlie did. Charlie came back every day for the next week. He liked coming back and seeing y/n. y/n who taught him how to aim a bow. y/n who taught him how to fish. y/n who taught him how to grow carrots. y/n who taught him how to make paintings. y/n who taught him love.

Once when Charlie found himself visiting y/n, early in the morning before he left, Charlie had found himself in front of Foolish. He had walked over to ask the simple question.

“Slime, I think you love them.”

“Love?” He was confused. He hadn’t experienced the word before.

“Did you ever have something or someone you care about? More than you care about yourself?” He didn’t show any signs of recognition and Foolish sighed. “Do you want this person to be happy? So much so that you would do anything?”

“Yes!” He liked seeing y/n happy. He’d help them garden and pick their favorite flowers, and he always cherished the smile on their face.

“Buddy, you love them.” Foolish gave him a halfhearted smile before walking away.

He thought about this conversation on his way to y/n’s house. He paused his walk, one hill away, and looked out. It was earlier in the morning, but it was still the normal time for him to arrive at y/n’s house. He could turn back around. He hadn’t quite told Quackity the honest truth of him and y/n’s relationship. As far as Quackity knew, Slime came home every day and told him how y/n did nothing eventful and had no idea Slime or Quackity existed. Quackity also didn’t know that they called him Charlie, and that he loved the name with everything he had.

Charlie bent down on his knees, picking a flower from the grass, then made his way to y/n’s home.

“Charlie!” They threw open the front door upon seeing him through the window. They launched themselves at him, tackling him in a hug. “What do you want to do today? We could do anything!”

“Yeah!” Charlie wrapped one arm around y/n, the other holding the flower. “I brought you something!”

“You did?” y/n released him, still keeping a hand on his shoulder. “A flower! Aw, Charlie.”

Charlie beamed with pride as y/n gently took the flower from him and went inside to place it in a pot. “I also have something I should tell you.”

y/n returned outside, confusion etched into their face. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“Yes!” Charlie felt nervous somehow. He looked down at his fingers. “I am not human. I didn’t want to lie.”

“Oh. I knew that.” He looked up to y/n. They were smiling softly as they leaned against the door frame. Charlie felt his face grow warm and he placed his hands over his cheeks. y/n walked towards him, taking his hands in theirs. “You came here without a name, with slime on your shoulders, and skin that’s sticky to the touch. You don’t have to be embarrassed. I don’t care. Im pretty sure half the people on this planet aren’t human.”

Charlie nodded, looking back up to y/n. “Are you human?”

“Yeah. I mean, as far as I know.” They shrugged, still smiling at him. Charlie felt light, like air. It was love wasn’t it. That’s what had been consuming him this whole time. What he’d been feeling every time he looked at y/n. Every time they spoke. Every time they did anything.

“I love you.”

“What?” y/n took a step back from Charlie, their hand still hovering near him. He felt his heart reach out for them.

“I love you. I talked to Foolish because I didn’t understand what I was feeling, and now I do! Because I love you. I have loved you since I first saw you.” Charlie smiled widely, proud of himself. He waited for y/n to say something, but they stood there in shock. “I thought I should be honest. Did I say something wrong?”

“No! No Charlie you didn’t.” y/n relaxed. They leaned forwards towards Charlie, now taking his hand and lacing their fingers together. Charlie held his breath, smiling as he stared at the hands. “I just want you to be sure that’s what you meant.”

“Yes! Yes it is.” y/n softly smiled, taking one hand and resting it on Charlie’s cheek, using their thumb to gently rub the skin. Charlie felt his face burn at the touch, but he leaned into it. y/n took their other hand out of Charlie’s grasp and placed it on his other cheek. They pulled him close, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. Charlie froze, lightly touching his hand to his lips. “Did you kiss me?”

“Is that alright?” y/n moved back, their hands sliding off his face. Charlie took his arms around y/n’s waist, pulling them into a tight hug. He put his forehead in the crook of their neck. y/n laughed lightly, pulling him closer again. “I love you too, Charlie.”

Charlie bent backwards, lifting y/n upwards. They laughed as Charlie spun them around. “I love you! I love you I love you I love you!”

“I love you to Charlie.”

He stopped, setting them back on their feet. y/n smiled wildly, breathless and love struck. “Can you kiss me again?”

y/n giggled, obliging to do so. They lightly kissed him on cheek, then his nose, his eyebrow, his chin, and anywhere else. They scattered kisses all across his face, avoiding his lips. “Is that what you meant?”

“No!” Charlie didn’t quite understand why they were laughing. He put his hand on their face, similar to what they had done, and firmly kissed them. He felt them relax under his touch, smiling into the contact.

Eventually y/n pulled away, needing to breath. They smiled at him and Charlie felt his face flush. “Was that your plan for today?”

Charlie relaxed his shoulders. “I didn’t have a plan.”

“Then come inside.”

y/n tugged Charlie into the home. The two spent the rest of the day together, baking cookies, reading stories, and doing any other odd tasks. The day soon came to an end, however, and Charlie had to leave.

“Come back tomorrow. Please.” y/n held his hand, keeping him later than he intended. It was nearly dark outside, and he was usually in Las Nevadas right now.

“I will.” Charlie quickly kissed y/n’s forehead and dashed off towards his country. He made it over the hills as quickly as possible, getting past the welcome sign before complete darkness fell, and racing up to the top of the tower.

Quackity stood pacing the railing. The dinner set out for the two had long gone cold by now. Quackity kept mumbling to himself, constantly fiddling with the end of his tie. Charlie walked over to his friend, lightly tapping him on the shoulder.

“Slime? Where the fuck were you? It’s been an hour. Jesus Christ I thought- where were you?”

“I was with y/n.”

“Right the spying. Listen I don’t think you should do that anymore.”

Charlie felt his heart shatter. “Why? I thought you wanted-?”

“I know what I wanted.” Quackity waved a hand at Charlie’s words. He overlooked the growing country, then turned back to Charlie. “They’re not a threat to us, they can’t help us in any way, and I don’t want you disappearing again.”

“But I-“ Charlie stopped himself, unsure of how to speak his mind. “I want to go back.”

“Why? It’s just y/n.”

“It is them. Its y/n.”

Quackity looked at him incredulously. “Did you talk to y/n? Buddy I told you not to- for how long? How long has this been happening?”

“I talked to Foolish-“

“Foolish knew?” Quackity was activated. He rolled up his sleeves. “Buddy you got lucky with Purpled, not everyone’s like that. You’re gonna get hurt.”

“y/n wouldn’t hurt me. They love me.”

“And how are you so sure?”

“Because I love them.”

Quackity scoffed, resting his hands on his hips. “You don’t know what love is. You’re not even a person you’re- you’re a slime. You said it yourself.”

“Was Sapnap a person?”

Charlie watched Quackity freeze. He lowered his hands to his side in clenched fists as a sneer grew on his face. “What did you say?”

“You said I’m not a person. Was Sapnap? Was Karl?”

“You don’t get to fucking talk about them.” Quackity moved towards him. “You don’t get to even fucking think about them.”

“Then why am I different? Why is y/n different?”

“Because-“ Quackity bit back what he wanted to say.

“Quackity. What’s my name.”

“You have a name. I call you Slime. I call you buddy. That’s what everyone calls you.”

“y/n gave me a name. They call me Charlie.”

“Charlie? What and you like it? Some basic-ass name?”

“It’s MY basic-ass name!”

“Jesus christ.” Quackity sighed, rubbing at his temple with his fingers. “You’re not going back.”

Charlie tilted his head. “Why?”

“Because I don’t know them! You don’t know anyone other than the people who live here and you’re just out there in love with a stranger. I feel responsible for you, Slime.”

“It’s Charlie.”

“Okay, Charlie, I’m responsible for you. So you’re not going back. No negotiation. Got that?”

Charlie paused. He looked out over the Las Nevadas skyline, then back to Quackity with a smile. “I think you’d like them.”

“Yeah. Sure I’ll see you in the morning bud.”

Charlie watched Quackity walk towards the center of the tower, dropping downwards towards the ground. Charlie went to follow but stopped. He stared at the plates of cold food left behind. Both untouched.

———

Charlie woke up quickly. Everything around him was quiet and cold, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was morning. Charlie rose from his bed and made his way to the top of his stair case. He looked out to see the sun was still rising over the horizon, painting Las Nevadas in golden light. The fountain bubbled as Charlie walked towards it. The lights inside seemed beautiful.

Charlie didn’t understand. He didn’t understand why Quackity wouldn’t let him see y/n. y/n was nice. y/n made him hot cocoa and told him stories and taught him so many things. And y/n was so pretty. y/n made Charlie feel loved. Like he was important. Like he was floating to the heavens. y/n made Charlie happy! And he wanted Quackity to be happy. Would he be happy if he met y/n?

Charlie shook his head. Quackity seemed upset last night. He wanted Quackity to be happy, but not the way that y/n made him happy. He wasn’t sure what to call it.

Charlie looked back to the tall, white casino. In an hour, Quackity would wake up and leave, coming to wake Charlie, but in less than a minute Charlie made his own decision. He turned away from the casino and proudly walked out of Las Nevadas.

He walked all the way to y/n’s house. When he arrived, the sun had barely moved, and he could see the same golden light illuminating the front windows of y/n’s house. Charlie clumsily knocked on their front door.

“Hello?” y/n slowly opened the door. Their eyes were closed and their hair stuck out different ways. Their pajamas loosely hung off their body as they slumped against the door frame. Charlie’s heart swelled. They were adorable.

Charlie rushed forwards to pick them up, wrapping them in a hug as he swept them back inside. “y/n!”

“G’morning Charlie.” y/n mumbled as they leaned back into his shoulder. “It’s early. You know that right?”

Charlie shrugged, setting them down and stepping back to make sure the door closed. “I wanted to be here.”

“Fine. But I’m going back to sleep.” Charlie watched y/n tread down a hallway, and he followed. They led him to a room with a large plush bed and they flipped into it, rolling to the side. They smiled at Charlie, looking at him standing in the door way. “I’m gonna sleep. Would you also like to lay down?”

Awkwardly, Charlie sat on the edge of the bed. He fell backwards into it, letting the softness consume him. He turned his head upwards, looking at y/n as they giggled. They stretched a hand towards him, enveloping his own hand. “This is nice.”

“Good. Goodnight. Love you.”

Charlie shivered, the unfamiliar words sending ripples over his skin. “I love you too.”

———

Charlie woke up in a weird mood. The bed was empty, and the house was noisy. It sounded like talking, between two different voices he knew really well.

Charlie walked quickly to the main room of y/n’s house. They stood in the door, still wearing pajamas, facing Quackity as he stood in the door. Quackity spotted Charlie almost immediately.

“Slime. Buddy.” Quackity tried to shove y/n aside, but they grabbed him by the shirt collar and slammed his against the wall.

y/n turned around, looking at Charlie. “You know him?” Charlie nodded, and y/n let go, allowing him to approach Charlie.

“It’s time to go man.�� Quackity very lightly gripped the hilt of the sword that rested on his hip. “I told you.”

“But I-“ Charlie looked at y/n with pleading eyes. “I don’t want to go.”-

“He doesn’t have to go anywhere he doesn’t want to.” y/n side stepped between Quackity and Charlie. “He can make his own decisions.”

“This isn’t about you.”

“You’re in my house you’ll fucking listen to me.” Charlie took note of the small kitchen knife in their hand, concealed away from Quackity’s vision. “Charlie can decide for himself.”

Quackity sneered at them. “Would you shut up? This isn’t any of your fucking business. He’s my fucking friend and we’re going back to my fucking country that you’re not fucking part of. Charlie.” He looked over at the boy. “I mean- Shit. Slime. We’re going.”

“No.” Charlie stepped back. “My name is Charlie. I’m staying here. I want to stay here.”

“God you don’t— that’s not—“ Quackity sighed, running his hands over his head. “Fine. Great that’s awesome. You know what? Just don’t come back when this whole charade is over, because there won’t be a place for you.”

Quackity slammed the door shut on his way out. y/n turned to Charlie, loosing the tight grip on the knife. “You don’t have to stay. He’s your friend.”

“I’ve seen this place. I don’t think he should talk to me like that.” Charlie tapped at his cheek with his fingers. Water was falling from his eyes and setting his skin. He kept wiping at it , desperately trying to be rid of the water, until y/n took his hands away. They wrapped their arms over the tops of his shoulders, pulling him into a hug. “I don’t- I don’t understand it won’t stop. I don’t understand.”

y/n didn’t say anything. They simply threaded their fingers through the hair at the base of his neck, doing their best to comfort him.

The house was quiet.

[felidthing]

i really like having a “default” for restaurants? i always get chicken pad thai at my local thai place (which is also my default thai place, though there is another one i go to occasionally). i get pesto pasta at vince’s but we never go there :( and i get “creamy pesto” salad dressing or whatever its called. i love pesto.. chicken strips is the Default Of All Defaults.

i started rambling so much so im putting the rest under a readmore omg

i also have defaults for the dollar store?? i go there a lot. there isnt much to do in federal way and my only source of money is allowance okay. i have a few things i always get that become automatic for me. its like a gas station trip lol. theres a 7-11 next to the dollar tree HOLD UP TIME TO TALK ABOUT MY SEATTLE 7-11 ORDER

i havent been to seattle in so long :( i miss lambert house :( :( we’d go to 7-11 afterwards and get snacks and eat in the kitchen it was so fun :’) <sad happy because i havent gotten to do it since last year. sometimes i’d get a small jar of nutella with whatever snack i bought. i also bought all the smores poptarts i could on MULTIPLE occasions. but usually we’d pool our money and get a big bag of doritos or cheetos and our own drinks and i’d get one of those cheese coffee cakes. i love those. sometimes we’d get one huge slurpee graveyard and share it. the kitchen had its own snacks a lot of the time too :) ALSO i cant believe i only just remmebered these but i love the bags of muddy buddies you can get. before that i’d only ever had them when we made them at school which is so fun wtf......... i wanna make some..... i always get the peanutbutter chocolate ones. idk if those are the “classic” but i consider them the classic bc thats the kind we made at school. the chocolate mint ones are SO GOOD tho. micheal got me a bag of the chocopeanutbutter ones for my birthday. because i love them. i still have some of that bag left ......nomnomnom..

anyways i went to target and 7-11 today. got a vanilla sweet cream cold brew instead of caramel (its good i cant actually tell any difference other than no foam) and i got THREE MONSTERS bc i have the rewards app thing #deals. and a bag of takis. i havent had takis in a WHILE i love em

well thats my snack update/ramble. i love snacks like so genuinely i love snack food....... like im snacking lol. does anyone understand this is it a sensory thing or am i just really into food

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E52 (Feb. 26, 2019)

There’s a lot to unpack here.

This week’s guests are Laura Bailey and Liam O’Brien!

Announcements:

Travis Willingham’s Yeehaw Game Ranch debuted today on CR’s Twitch channel! Travis and Brian will be livestreaming every other week at 4 PM Pacific (alternating with MAME Drop). Today’s episode will go up on YouTube on Thursday. On Monday, March 4, the Kickstarter for the VM cartoon will go live! They’ve been talking about this almost since the start. This episode of TM will be uploaded to YT on Thursday morning, and will be available on a one-week delay in podcast form!

The cowboy hat makes the rounds. Laura points out that she was actually in an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger.

Okay, on to episode 52: Feral Business. (Liam, just as the splash screen comes up: “That means masturbating.”)

Laura: “I think everybody should refer to their penis as a tiefling. Anyway, continue.”

There’s a discussion about classes for said tieflings. It gets a little out of hand.

Stats! Jester got her 5th HDYWTDT of the campaign against the shoosuva. Caleb has now dealt over 1,400 points of damage. (Liam: “Really?”) Frumpkin got his first natural 20 to perceive the rats and shoosuva. 

Laura and Liam have a heated negotiation about who gets to cuddle the Jester and Kiri plushies.

100% of the out-of-character motivation for the Disguise Self was just Liam missing being Laura’s twin. Liam: “You know, I like to have fun in my D&D games.” They enjoyed getting to sit next to each other again at the live show. 

Brian: “What were you gossiping about?” Liam: “Your tiefling.” Laura: “Specifically yours.”

Jester’s view on Caleb hasn’t changed since his backstory reveal. Laura: “I feel like it makes more sense that he’s more standoffish, and it made me feel much more guilty for the times I gave him shit for being muddy and stinky and stuff.” She points out that Jester got to see a lot of different types of people pass through, not to mention listen in on their conversations, and probably has a broader experience with a variety of people than some might expect.

Liam talks about how Xhorhas is “rough, and the customs are different, but it’s a real place” and not the bogeyman often presented to the Empire.

He objects to a question talking about how Caleb’s planning to take down people in the Empire, pointing out that he’s never confirmed that. Laura immediately concocts a theory about Caleb being a top-secret spy for the Empire.

Laura: “Jester has no idea that her charisma isn’t as high as... Beau’s or... is Beau’s very high?” She loved leading a diplomatic conversation, and didn’t know how it would turn out, but she feels like she killed it.

Snoozy Henry!

Liam: “Caleb’s not scared of being manipulated. I think that’s done.” It feels off being away from the Empire, not because he still feels loyalty, but mainly because everything that matters to him is still there.

Another round of dick jokes comes to a climax (sorry) with “Cocks Machina”.

Gif of the Week! Jester learning the ways of the goth.

If the opportunity presents itself, even in Xhorhas, Jester will 100% pull a prank and try to spread the word of the Traveler. “Nothing is sacred to Jester!”

Laura mentions that she has no backup character planned if Jester dies; she feels like having a backup will make her more likely to accept the possibility of losing Jester.

Jester doesn’t really care about the Empire vs. Krynn conflict. “Political bullshit. I don’t think the Krynn are necessarily evil, but I don’t know.” Liam points out that nobody really knows the motivations behind the conflict in the first place. Caleb mainly sees it as a big mess. “Caleb will still have emotional ties to where he was born and raised, but he knows they’re flawed and awful. They’re really terrible people.”

Laura’s theory: “The Empire stole a lot of artifacts. They stole the dodecahedron. The Krynn just want it back. And now we have it. And we’re fucking everything up.”

Big Tiefling Energy.

Jester on tattoos: “Nah, I’m not afraid of the pain! I can take it! I’m really strong!” She’d totally get a tattoo if the right idea came along.

Caleb isn’t too concerned about the group getting sidetracked, since he doesn’t really have “an agenda for where he wants to go”. He wouldn’t want to do something boring, but that’s not exactly a worry with this group. “They keep going to places with things he’s interested in.”

Laura on Jester’s changing dynamic with Nott: “It’s interesting to find out that Nott’s a mom. She knows what that relationship means, and she is just devastated for Nott that she can’t be with her son.” What seemed the worst was that she didn’t have someone who thinks of her the way Jester thinks of her mom. “I thought about so many times just her not taking a bath. It just makes me so sad.”

Fan Art of the Week! A giant city-tortoise.

Liam: “Man, get a load of Brian’s kenku.” Dani: “This has to stop.”

What the heck does “consecuted” mean? Laura: “I think it means something about being reborn.” Liam: “Yeah, reincarnation.”

Liam on potentially picking the wrong spells: “I don’t worry that I will. I just know that I will.” Marisha warned him.

Brian asks Laura about where her vote’s hovering in the vote for DnD Beyond’s president. Laura: “I feel like Liam has a stronger platform.” Liam: “Is that a dick joke?” Laura: “I’m sitting next to Liam. So Liam.”

Dani: “Contractually, as Sam’s campaign manager, I have to vote for Sam. But he’s also not paying me, so I’m just saying, Liam, if you paid me, I could maybe switch sides. Look, I’m working for exposure only, and I’m feeling very exposed.” Liam: “Listen, my shell corporation will talk to your shell corporation after the show.”

Jester’s not too worried about the group being disrespectful by hanging onto the dodecahedron. “It’s a powerful thing! Look at it! We can play with it!” Liam: “Yeah, it’s not her god.”

Liam: “I miss playing twins.” Laura: “I do too, buddy.”

Henry is moved to the couch when Liam starts literally curling up on the floor to be closer to him:

Jester would create a Magical Viagra spell. Dani: “Like the Wand of Smiles, but for dicks!” Laura: “The point of it would be to just make people feel awkward.”

On Jester checking on Fjord’s tusks: “It’s important to her that he appreciates himself as much as others appreciate him.”

Liam: “My character will probably die soon anyway.” Everyone: “LIAM O’BRIEN.”

Laura points out that Jester’s come closer to death than Caleb. “If anyone’s going to die soon, it’s me.” Brian: “Stop it! Stop!”

Search for Grog Questions (SPOILERS FOLLOW!)

The group played a private home game as Vox Machina for fun recently (”It didn’t make sense, but it was fun!”). Liam was envious of the group getting to play their characters again, so he wanted to play something at least VM-adjacent. He also loves building out the world and wanted to continue fleshing that out. “She saw VM, unbeknownst to them, a couple times.” He also wanted to be able to keep people from dying and “breaking the universe.”

Laura on playing VM again: “It was really crazy, and me and Taliesin gave each other the biggest hug after the show. I missed Percy and I missed that relationship so much!”

Having Lieve’tel around was painful, but Vex “didn’t have the same reaction to it the way Keyleth did. It was bittersweet. I think she appreciated that someone appreciated what her brother did.”

Gilmore and Allura’s voices were big moments of nostalgia. Percy-Vex banter. Scanlan wanting to kill Trinket. (Laura really thought she’d have to leave Trinket behind, and the “I can carry him” killed her.) Scanlan’s singing. Pike! Liam: “Roasting the shit out of Travis.” Laura: “Oh my god.”

[screamingquietlyhere-blog]

All Because of You.

One of my first moments in adult life.

Having happy thoughts keeping me awake.

Fought so long against this internal strife.

Haven't felt this free since before your wake.

You taught me everything you could.

Didn't have enough time though.

You don't gotta sweat it big guy, I'm good.

Who am I kidding, you already know.

I feel you droppin in from time to time.

Thought you were slick there Buddy.

Seen you the other day on the fence line.

Wanted to stop but the field was muddy.

We will get together some time soon.

Clock still ticking as im getting older.

What I miss most, just watching the moon.

Can't forget your heartbeat laying on your shoulder.

Definitely had a different style of love.

I couldn't understand for quite a while.

What would you know, push comes to shove.

Turns out I learned those lessons so smile.

You moulded me to the man I am today.

I strive to make you proud watching from up there.

Been down too long, I don't wanna stay.

Ill get to my point here, Thank you, I love you Bear.

5/21/2020 

Rest easy.

[georgeinamerc]

Literally I’m crying at that Seb post I am lying face down on the floor *yelling* holy shit also I didn’t mention this in my other ask but I’ve been slowly dying over that post with Charles and the signed picture Seb gave him. Like “sorry I didn’t see you mate” has some SERIOUSLY ANGSTY IMPLICATIONS MY WRITER BRAIN IS ALL OVER IT

Also AYEEEE hey bi bestieeeeee 💙💜❤️

(And being ace is different for everyone but I can and *will* make horny jokes alskdjd I have a meme for you I’ll submit)

I hope you have a fun holiday if you celebrate 👀👀 my fam is coming up today and I’m stressed about it 😭

-JC

SEE I KNEW YOU'D FEEL ME ON THIS ONE LIKE I SAW IT LATE AT NIGHT AND HAD TO GO TO THE BALCONY TO GET SOME AIR OR ELSE I'D MAKE IT EVERYONE'S PROBLEM AT HOME AT LIKE 2 AM😭 OMG fun fact I had read a fanfic like a week(2?) ago and it was mentioned at some point and i was so obsessed w that. Then i go to the author's notes and see that this actually had happened???? i thought the author simply wrote it for funsies and you're telling me this took place??????????????????????? I hate that i started watching f1 so late 😢😢

you're so right?!? like despite not really having a writer brain (rip) i get what you mean here? ughh i wanna read more sebchal fanfics but i feel like i've already read the "good" ones- that are more like my taste if that makes sense.

HELLO HIIII hahhaha <33

OH OKAY yayy im glad we are on the same wavelength!! KSHUFIUHSGH NO NOOOO😭😭 I'M SCREAMING AT THE MEME LMAO OKAY PERFECT SO WE'RE GONNA BE BACK ON OUR H*RNY BULLSHIT YAY🤠 but make sure to always set boundaries w me when uncomfortable, i'm not gonna say it again cause i'm getting annoying but always remember it<33

ALSO I did get the baking photos and I'm honestly so hungry rn jhsbfjbjbf everything looks so delicious; like the bars look professionally made, the coconut crinkle cookies look like they taste heavenly AND THAT WHOLE BASKET IS QUITE FRANKLY THE BEST THING I'VE EVER LAID MY EYES UPON😍 I haven't tried many of these things but now I'm craving them what have you done to me ahhhhh 😭 plus i have no idea what "Muddy Buddies" are so if you could pls enlighten me??

I do celebrate :)) Happy holidays, love, i hope you have a wonderful time with your family, sending you many hugs!!!🥰and i'm sure everything will go well, try as much as you can not to stress about it too much and enjoy it!!!

[tyranttortoise]

hey ty sorry to bother you but im really down right now my class had a 'be yourself day' today and im not sure what i did wrong but when i got there this group of girls pushed me into the street and i didnt go to class because i ended up falling in a puddle of mud so yea sorry again for bothering you i know youre really busy but i just needed someone to talk to but you know how life is sorry for rambling ill be gone now

*Okay, first of all, you did nothing wrong.  It sounds like these girls are just terrible bullies, and I’m so sorry that this happened to you.  Some people are just awful and seem to make themselves feel better about their own insecurities by being assholes to others.  I wrote something up for ya, so I hope this cheers you up a bit.

A bony hand appeared to your right  to help you from the puddle, where muddy water was currently seeping into your clothes.  Surprised, you followed the sight of the digits up the blue-clad arm, to the smiling face of a skeleton monster.  There was a tightness underlying beneath that grin, but he attempted to play it off with a slight shrug.  

“need a hand?” 

“I, uh… Thanks.”  Demurely, you accepted it, feeling a slight flush to your cheeks.  You hadn’t thought anyone else was around after they left, and you’d been so stunned–and so confused– that it had taken you a moment to regain your bearings.  It was embarrassing being caught like this, with mud on your clothes and your eyes feeling so hot, but there was something about the tender look in his eyelights that made you glad he came along.

“ARGH, THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!”

Immediately, you jerked your hand away from the skeleton’s phalanges, your attention whirling around to face yet another skeleton.  Where the friendly one was round and soft, with an easy-going expression, this one was the opposite.  He was tall, his features and clothing filled with sharp edges, and his fanged mouth was pulled back in a snarl.  His fists were poised on his hips, eyesockets narrowed into slits, as he shouted again, “I SHOULD GO AFTER THEM AND DRAG THE ENTIRE GROUP BACK OVER HERE BY THEIR HAIR!”

Your eyes widened.  Was he talking about…?

“since when do random acts of violence get your marrow boiling, edgy?”  

‘Edgy’ stomped his foot, clearly unable to control his vehement temper.  “THERE’S NO HONOR WHEN ATTACKING IN A GROUP!  OR ARE THINGS DIFFERENT HERE IN YOUR VANILLA TIMELINE?”  He huffed.  “THEY MAY HAVE LACKED EXP, BUT THEIR LOVE WAS HIGH!”  

The shorter skeleton shrugged, slipping his blue jacket from his shoulders.  “you’re right.  every timeline has assholes.  the important thing is to not be one of them.”  He turned his attention back to you, his expression softening.  “you ok there, pal?”

You’d been so flabbergasted by watching them interact that you had almost forgotten what had happened.  “Oh, I’m fine.  R-really, no big deal.”  You tried to smile to reassure them, but it fell flat.  The shorter skele didn’t call you on it, however, and instead held out his jacket to you.

“good.  here, tie this around your waist.”

You held onto the fabric.  It was fluffy and thick–and now that you could see his white T-shirt, you realized that it gave off the illusion that he was bigger than he was.  “I appreciate it.  But… it’ll get dirty,” you protested, trying to hand it back.  He stepped away and held his hands up, palm-out.

“nothin’ that won’t wash out.”

“IT COULD USE IT, ANYWAY.  IT REEKS OF KETCHUP AND BAD HUMOR!”  

“you just wish you could ketchup to my level of humor.”

“HARDLY!”

Edgy crossed his arms and scoffed, and the exchange made you smile as you heeded his instructions and tied it around your waist.  At least it hid the mud on the back of your pants.  The softer of the two smiled wider.  “looks good on ya, buddy.”  He winked, and you felt that flush creeping back to your face. “do you need a lift home to change?”  He gestured toward a nearby parked car that brought the Batmobile to mind.  Holy crap, how rich were these monsters?  They seemed loaded! You really shouldn’t get in a car with a couple of zany strangers, but you also have to admit… you’d like to ride in that sports car.  

While you waffled between possible poor decisions, Edgy leaned in, grinding his fist against his palm.  “THE REAL QUESTION SANS SHOULD BE ASKING IS WHEN YOU WANT ME TO EXTRACT JUSTICE!”

“for the last time, you’re not going to fight anyone while i’m around.”

“WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT FIGHTING?  I’M SUGGESTING THAT I DRAG THEM THROUGH THE MUD!”

As…sweet?… as the offer is, you’re just not that kind of person, so you smiled and shook your head.  “Thank you, but I’m fine.  Really.  I’m over it.”  You weren’t–not yet–but you were well on your way thanks to these two.

“FINE!  BUT IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND…”

“You’ll be the first to know.”

He seemed satisfied with that response, and Sans spoke up next, “hey, if you’re not comfortable with a ride, then how about we walk you a couple of blocks?”

Ah… he was worried that they would come back.  You hadn’t even considered it until now, but you have to admit, the offer’s too tempting to refuse.  You agreed, and by the halfway point to your house, you’ve gained both of their numbers.

Sans is going to need his jacket back, after all… and you’re going to want to ride in the Batmobile once you get to know them.     

[spynotebook]

Age Of HeroesWith Age Of Heroes, Tom Breihan picks the most important superhero movie of every year, starting with the genre’s early big-budget moments and moving onto the multiplex-crushing monsters of today.  

“The Marvel Universe has gone nuts; we’re going to have a fricking Captain America movie if we’re not careful.” This was Zack Snyder speaking to Entertainment Weekly in 2008. Every once in a while, that quote finds itself recirculated online, evidence of Snyder’s philistine ideas about superhero movies and what a misguided idea it was for DC to recruit him to attempt to replicate the Marvel Universe’s success. (Another Snyder line from that same breath: “And Iron Man—$300 million domestic box office on a second-tier superhero!”)

It’s unfair to Snyder to use that quote out of context. If you read the whole interview, Snyder is, if anything, excited about Marvel’s success, if only because it proves that “pop culture is just, like, so ready for Watchmen,” the movie that he was promoting in that interview. (Note: Pop culture was not.) Snyder was simply showing his own surprise about how quickly and completely superhero movies had taken over, something that would only snowball in the years after that. Also, that Captain America movie was already in development when Snyder said what he said, and Snyder probably already knew that. (The whole Snyder interview is, however, a deeply entertaining and insane historical document. Dismissing the idea that Batman Begins is a dark movie, Snyder notes that Batman “doesn’t, like, get raped in prison. That could happen in my movie. If you want to talk about dark, that’s how that would go.” Eight years later, Snyder would make a Batman movie that did not feature Batman getting raped in prison.)

Here’s the thing: Even if Snyder had been dismissing the idea of a Captain America movie, he would’ve been totally right. Before there was a Captain America movie, there was no evidence that a Captain America movie would ever work, on any level. The entire idea of Captain America—a square-jawed avatar of everything great about the US of A, a guy who intentionally makes himself look like a big flag—seemed almost hopelessly hokey and anachronistic in 2008, when Snyder said what he said. There was nothing dark or gritty or sexy or intense about Captain America. He was a symbol of a time that never existed—an advocate for the greatness of a country that, at least on a geopolitical scale, has long been a globally dominant hegemon rather than a scrappy and idealistic underdog. Even Captain America, the comic book hero, wasn’t so sure about Captain America, the symbol of American pride. In a ’70s comic book storyline, Steve Rogers, disgusted after learning of governmental evil, had briefly forsaken his own identity, instead becoming a costumed adventurer named Nomad. If Captain America himself wasn’t so sure about Captain America, how could Hollywood be?

The 1990 Captain America movie had been such an outright catastrophic failure that it just barely got released. In the years after that, internal debates about America’s role in the world had only heated up. A Captain America movie could’ve gone wrong in so many different ways. It could’ve gotten caught up in post-9/11 Toby Keith jingoism. It could’ve played out as a goofy parody, a broad satire of Dudley Do-Right postwar heroism. It could’ve been another crappy, interchangeable Fantastic Four-level superhero movie, just with more shots of billowing flags. Instead, Captain America: The First Avenger turned out to be the movie that, at least from where I’m sitting, ultimately made the whole Marvel Cinematic Universe experiment work. It took some unbelievably skillful needle-threading to make it happen, but the people at Marvel managed to turn Cap, the personification of corniness, into something like a beloved cinematic icon, the soul upon which all of the MCU rests.

There was groundwork. A new Captain America movie had been in the planning stages since 1997; lawsuits and financial issues had stalled it. When the project finally got going, Marvel had done a few interesting things with the character. Ed Brubaker had built a complex and masterful noirish espionage saga around Cap in his Winter Soldier storyline, while Mark Millar’s blockbuster Civil War event had delighted in its depiction of Steve Rogers as an inspiring and charismatic leader and as someone who would defy his own government if he thought it were straying from the country’s true ideals. (In both Millar’s book and in the Civil War movie that eventually came out of it, Cap is wrongheaded and shortsighted, but that’s an argument for another day.) Captain America: The First Avenger only alludes to those comic book visions of the character, which later movies would explore more thoroughly. But if you were actually reading comics at the time, it was clear that Captain America, in the right hands, could be a layered and fascinating character.

Ultimately, the movie works because Marvel hired the right people. Director Joe Johnston was a longtime journeyman with an inconsistent record and at least a few genuinely bad movies on his résumé. (Shout-out to 2010’s The Wolfman.) But he was also a veteran special-effects guy who’d worked on Star Wars and Raiders Of The Lost Ark, which means he was comfortable with the levels of visual trickery needed to make a story like that work. And with his own 1991 movie The Rocketeer, he’d nailed exactly the kind of old-timey adventure-serial energy that a Captain America movie would need. (He even had powered-up Nazi villains.) It’s hard to imagine anyone more qualified for the job.

It’s also hard to imagine a better Captain America than Chris Evans. Evans had already been around the superhero-movie block before taking the role. He’d done what he could as a devil-may-care playboy version of the Human Torch in two near-unbearable Fantastic Four movies. He’d been a superpowered test-subject mutant at war with shadowy governmental agencies in 2009’s misbegotten Push. He’d lampooned his own absurd handsomeness in the superhero-adjacent Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World. He’d never really had much chance to be anything other than a life-size Ken doll. But he had a depth to him, and with Captain America, he finally got the chance to show it.

Evans had to be convinced to take the Captain America role, and he’s always hinted at a little discomfort with it. But he’s perfect. He’s warm and friendly and inspiring—all the things that Captain America is supposed to be. He spends so much of The First Avenger as a scrawny weakling—a special effect much more convincing than it probably should’ve been—that he has to find non-physical ways to project his own idealistic determination. And he does it. The sight of digitally shrunk Chris Evans refusing to back down after a beating from a movie-theater heckler—fists clenched, jaw bloodied, “I could do this all day”—remains one of the most indelible images that the MCU has given us. When he finally does balloon out to superhuman proportions, we’re already on his side. Throughout the movie, he struggles against his own propaganda utility, fervently and innocently trying to get out into the field and help his comrades.

Like Christopher Reeve’s Superman, Evans radiates genuine Boy Scout virtue, and he comes off as an anachronism even in the ’40s. The movie doesn’t joke about him or make him an object of fun. Instead, the movie is just as gee-whiz idealistic about Captain America as Captain America is about America. Even a hint of acid, sarcastic self-consciousness could’ve sunk the movie. In Evans, it has none.

Johnston and the producers built an impressive cast around Evans. As Agent Peggy Carter, Hayley Atwell brings a clipped Katharine Hepburn precision that’s enormously appealing. (The short-lived Agent Carter ABC spinoff, which kept that First Avenger tone intact, remains Marvel’s greatest TV project.) The grumpy authority figure is just Tommy Lee Jones playing Tommy Lee Jones. As Cap’s buddy Bucky, Sebastian Stan is a pleasant slab of beef, which is all he needs to be. Stanley Tucci has fun as the good-guy version of a mad-scientist character.

The only real weak point in the movie’s cast is Hugo Weaving, whose Red Skull has less fleshed-out humanity than Agent Smith, the computer program that Weaving played in the Matrix movies. Even Red Skull’s motivations are muddy. He tells Cap, his fellow super-serum test subject, that he’s “too afraid to admit that we have left humanity behind,” like a K-Mart-brand Magneto. Also: “I have seen the future, Captain! There are no flags!” I don’t know, that sounds pretty good, though it would presumably sound better if a muscle-faced fascist sorcerer wasn’t the one invoking it. (The Red Skull doesn’t even get a satisfying end. When he showed up in a quick surprise cameo in Avengers: Infinity War, I’d completely forgotten that he’d been sucked into a wormhole or whatever. It happens so quickly that you barely process it.)

The movie’s version of ’40s America is a blast. Many of the characters are just as gung-ho as Cap himself. When a HYDRA agent tries to slow Cap down by throwing a little kid into the Hudson, the kid squawks, “Go get ’im! I can swim!” Natalie Dormer, a year away from becoming Margaery Tyrell on Game Of Thrones, gives Cap a big situation-complicating smooch because she likes that he saved a bunch of guys (and also, presumably, because he looks like Chris Evans). In a quick montage after Cap’s apparent death, we see all of America uniting behind him as a martyr and a legend. It’s a comforting vision of a better, simpler version of America.

It’s probably too comforting. The movie only barely alludes to racial inequality in America. When Cap puts together his crack team of commandos, they’re a rainbow coalition, and nobody acts like that’s weird. I wasn’t around in the ’40s, but given what I know, that seems unlikely. I think the movie might’ve been more effective if Cap had seen and wrestled with America’s failures. The same is true of the ravages of warfare. None of the soldiers ever seem freaked out or traumatized. Instead, they just charge into battle, oblivious to their friends disintegrating all around them. (If the Red Skull’s magical weapons didn’t allow for bloodless, PG-13 death, some of those skirmishes would’ve looked like the beginning of Saving Private Ryan.)

In the movie’s second half, when it turns toward action, The First Avenger becomes a pretty generic (though well-done) superhero punch-up. A lot of the storytelling is clumsy and inelegant. At one point, Cap is suddenly in a motorcycle chase with Nazis, with no real setup and little indication of why he’s there. Most of the fight scenes are too CGI-heavy to be truly great, and a few of the effects scenes, like Bucky’s fall from the train, just look like ass. The big finale, when Cap wakes up in a decades-later New York City, is clearly just setup for the next movie, which means The First Avenger can never really stand as its own cohesive story. It’s not a perfect movie. There are real flaws.

But it’s also an elegant piece of myth-building, and small connections to the rest of Marvel enrich the whole world we’re seeing take shape. We meet Tony Stark’s father, a tycoon adventurer who connects the dots between Howard Hughes (who Johnston had depicted in The Rocketeer) and Stark himself. HYDRA science worm Arnim Zola first shows up as a face on a screen, a role he’ll grow into. Before getting his iconic shield, which honestly looks pretty great, Cap fashions one for himself out of a trash-can lid and a ripped-off car door. Marvel wouldn’t bring all its characters together for another year, but little touches like this make it a fuller experience.

Captain America: The First Avenger was a hit, but it wasn’t a huge one. It wasn’t one of the top 10 grossers of 2011; the same year’s decidedly shittier MCU entry, Thor, made more money. And yet it’s a crucial movie for the MCU, since it showed just how much fun this whole Marvel superhero business could be. After the initial miracle of 2008’s Iron Man, Marvel had made three straight movies that were not special at all. There are things worth appreciating in The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man 2, and Thor, but none of them really demonstrates why this whole world matters to people. Captain America: The First Avenger made that case. And if it had failed in any of the myriad ways that it could’ve failed, the present-day movie landscape would presumably look very, very different.

Other notable 2011 superhero movies: Kenneth Branagh’s aforementioned Thor got one thing exactly right: Chris Hemsworth, who looks like a Michelangelo sculpture of a lion-man and who brings a crazy level of life to what was then an underwritten role. But the movie itself is a bore, full of turgid fantasy gobbledygook and thin CGI and sub-Crocodile Dundee fish-out-of-water jokes. The central love story is so across-the-board half-assed that it practically insults both Hemsworth and the paychecking-hard Natalie Portman, and even Tom Hiddleston’s slithery Loki is really only a rough draft for what would come.

The First Avenger wasn’t the only Marvel adaptation to go period-piece. Matthew Vaughn’s X-Men: First Class tried to make a swingin’ ’60s espionage thriller out of a prequel, which works pretty well. The cast—James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence—is almost hilariously overqualified, and while the period details never reach the full Mad Men-style immersion they were clearly shooting for, they’re fun enough. The CGI remains terrible, which for whatever reason is true of almost every X-Men movie. Whenever (speaking of Mad Men) January Jones’ Emma Frost turns into her diamond form, she looks like a Virtua Fighter character. This was a series bounce-back after the putrid X-Men Origins: Wolverine, but it was also a clear sign that the non-MCU Marvel movies would never be the main event.

2011’s notorious boondoggle was, of course, Green Lantern, a movie that managed to be a self-aware punchline in two different 2018 superhero movies, Deadpool 2 and Teen Titans Go! To The Movies. (As I’m typing this, I haven’t seen Aquaman or Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse yet, so it’s entirely possible that even more 2018 superhero movies will make fun of Green Lantern.) It is a 10 ten-car pileup of a movie. A post-Deadpool and pre-Deadpool Ryan Reynolds attempts to smirk his way through everything, Van Wilder-style, while the writers build a whole interstellar cosmology that somehow comes off both thin and over-developed. Various respected character actors submit themselves to the indignity of bad alien makeup. (In particular, Peter Sarsgaard, a very handsome man, falls victim to makeup-artist ambitions.) You can almost see Tim Robbins and pre-Black Panther’s mom Angela Bassett thinking, mid-scene, about how they’re going to spend the money that this bullshit is getting them. Also, Future Thor: Ragnarok director Taika Waititi is in there in the nerdy tech-head comic-relief sidekick role? Altogether, Green Lantern makes for a great lesson of what can happen when you try to combine intelligence-insulting children’s entertainment with detail-heavy fan service without filling it all out with any kind of resonant storytelling. Also, Reynolds’ CGI super-suit might be the single ugliest costume in superhero-movie history.

And in other chartreuse-misfire news, Seth Rogen’s long-in-development The Green Hornet finally came out and made no impression. There’s certainly plenty of talent involved in the movie. For a while, slapstick visionary Stephen Chow was attached to both direct and to star as Kato, which would’ve been fascinating. Instead, the directing job ends up with Michel Gondry, the sometimes-great homespun music-video fantasist and Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind auteur. Rogen and his Superbad partner Evan Goldberg get the writing credits. Christoph Waltz played a villain, which is something that Christoph Waltz knows how to do. Cameron Diaz is in there, too, as Rogen’s implausible love interest. You would think that these people could do something great together, but instead it’s just a rote nothing of a movie, one that never quite gets around to demonstrating why it deserves to exist.

Also, it’s not really a superhero movie, but I remember thinking that Steven Spielberg’s feature-length CGI cartoon The Adventures Of Tintin was a lot more fun than its reputation would suggest. I have not revisited it.

Next time: In January, this column will tackle The Avengers, the long-planned corporate-crossover blockbuster, which kicked the MCU into high gear and proved just how entertaining this kind of movie, when executed just right, can be.

[thesurprisinglyqueertoast]

ive made 243 cookies entirely by myself in the past like 35 hours, 215 of them within the past 9 hours. friday i made caramel sauce, and today i made toffee stuff and (different) caramel. im making muddy buddies (also called puppy chow. look it up its amazing) in 6 hours. its almost 4 am and ive been up since 8 am with only 3 hours of sleep and a half hour nap in the afternoon. im so tired. my eyes are buring and im not paying attention very well. i was taking one of the last batches out of the oven and i fucking forgot the oven mitt and burnt my hand. there was a fucking blister forming within minutes. i nearly put metal in the microwave a half hour ago. i never want to taste anything sweet again*. i havent been on my feet this much in weeks.

why do i plan so much to bring for christmas and thanksgiving gathetings but dont plan to give myself adequate time for getting it done and also resting? i was thinking about making rice crispy treats and/or fudge but nobody went to the store until yesterday (yesterday was still less than four hours ago. it feels like twice that). i dont know why im even typing this somebody please stop me

im laying in bed and my cat just pounced on my feet. one cat is eating. another is under my bed meowing. please i just want to sleep.

*before i sleep more and eat something not sweet

[sherryandbelle-blog]

Sherry and Belle: Chapter 9

"Howdy Y'ALL, huh aboot some chez-beargers?" The three workers started hysterically laughing at Belle's EXTREMELY overly exaggerated American accent. "Yeah! They'll never 'spect a DANG thing! AHA!!" David started to laugh again, but was promptly cut off by a sudden coughing fit, causing him to slowly back into the metal office door. "Ah, just go an' get somethin' ta drink, already!" Sherry shouted, jokingly shooing the part timer away; Jerald let out a loud exhale, then went back to sweeping. "So, you two seem ta be in a better mood, today." The tawny volunteer worker pointed out as he swept a large, muddy clot of dog hair into an even larger pile, "Yeah, actually. Belle has a buddy one state over who runs a pretty large business, and that business just so happens to run a support system fer smaller businesses. I normally wouldn't consider it, but after talkin' ta the guy personally, I think we could work somethin' out." Sherry explained with a smirk. "...Geez..." Jerald absently stared at the boss and Belle in both shock and amazement, it appeared like he was building up to say something, but was interrupted by a vehicle pulling onto the gravel driveway in front of the shelter. The boy perked up as a well dressed businessman casually walked in, causing the entire ground floor to erupt with excited barks. "Trevor?" Belle asked once the dogs quieted down; the short, slim man smirked, "Who else?" he commented jokingly, causing the boy to sigh in an unamused manner. "So, you must be Sherry." Trevor politely extended his hand, greeting the small business owner, "Y-yeah. Thank ya fer comin' out on such short notice,  I-" "It's quite alright, Belle put in a VERY good word for you." the two shook hands, then Sherry gave him a quick tour. "So, what exactly do ya get outta this?" David asked once he was up to date, "Well, I am the sole owner of a large business, as well as a Senate of Wyoming, and in either of those positions, having a good reputation for being a generous man can be very important. That is why I started a program quite a while back that helps smaller businesses flourish." Trevor explained keenly. "And, while doing a bit of research into this area, I noticed that there was a larger shelter building that was just put on the market a few days ago; it was originally built for a chain company, but they recently had another built several towns over. It's freshly cleaned, has one floor, indoor kennels, air conditioning, a small medical area, and it's only about fifteen minutes away from this current location. I've already went ahead and bought it, and I've set up several payment plans, if you want it, that is-" "Yeah! Of course. When can we-" "I can initiate the move as soon as early afternoon." The three workers seemed completely blown away. "And while the three of you prepare, I'd like to take Belle and get some things sorted out with him legally, if that's alright." Sherry looked over at Belle, who seemed very trusting with Trevor; she nodded, then went into the office to prepare.                                               ●●● Sherry, Jerald, and David all walked the last remaining dogs into several specialized, animal moving trucks, breathing a simultaneous sigh of relief once the old shelter was empty. "Heh, movin' the dogs and packin' up the office took nearly the whole day; we've got just about two, three more hours of sunlight." David remarked, lighting up a cigarette. "Eh, no worries. I'm a great night driver; I can probably borrow a friend's truck and finish takin' everything to the new shelter." Jerald reassured the other two as he relaxed in the shade. "Ugh, I still can NOT believe you took Av-" "Alex." "-With us!" Belle's uncharacteristically angry shouts could be heard from the driveway as soon as the doors opened. Sherry watched as the now decently dressed boy stormed toward the barn door entrance, with Trevor and a somewhat familiar guy closely following. "H-hey..." The boss stared at Belle as he waltzed past her, leaving the other two to greet her, "It seems that he did not want to see me." the familiar looking man dully stated, staring down at the woman. "Ya... look familiar, 'ave we met?" She asked, "Yes; you gave me a ride into Amarillo after I passed by your rescue center several days ago." He calmly looked around as he spoke, "Did you sell all of your dogs since then?" "Heh, no, we're relocatin' to a new buildin' nearby." Sherry explained. "Do not feel obligated to speak with him, Ms. Autumn, he is only here to ATTEMPT to convince me to return home." A maniacal grin appeared on Belle's face after he said that, "It will be pretty hard though, now that I'm a LEGAL US CITIZEN!" the boy proudly displayed an ID card to everyone around him. "Whoa! That was fast." Jerald remarked in amazement, "Really? It took all day; I didn't even get to help you guys with the move." "Ah, it's fine, you can help me take the rest of the office stuff over to the new shelter after I ride over and grab my buddy's truck." the volunteer worker nodded at Sherry, then walked over to his parked motorcycle. "Everyone else can head home; Belle and I can handle the rest! I'll take 'im home afterwards!" The tawny worker shouted, before driving down the road; "You might need these." Trevor remarked after retrieving a large envelope from his car, handing it to Sherry. "It's Belle's employment legalities, I also have a large pack full of new clothes, it IS okay if he stays with you for a bit longer, right?" The boss nodded, placing the paper envelope onto her passenger seat, then accepting the filled duffel bag of clothes. She took a moment to stretch, before catching a glimpse of Belle and Alex talking behind the building; the woman casually walked over to the corner, watching from a distance. "... she's furious... home... eye Rick... danger..." Sherry couldn't hear exactly what the tall man was so upset about, but she knew it probably wasn't any of her business, so she decided to see David and Trevor off, then head home.                                                ●●● Sherry slowly awoke to the sound of someone practically drifting into her paved driveway, causing her to jump up off of her living room couch. "Sherry! We 'ave ta get to the shelter NOW!" David yelled as he flung her front door open; the boss slipped her boots on, then ran out the door, slamming it behind her. "What's happenin'!?" The flustered woman asked as she closed the passenger door of David's black car, "Jerald called in a frantic FIT, sayin' somethin' 'bout... I don't even know." the part timer calmed down slightly as he sped out of Sherry's otherwise quiet neighborhood. "Jeez, slow down!" She shouted as the slammed car hit a pot hole, sending half of the vehicle off of the road, "Oh please! Ya know as well as I do that the Amarillo police force takes NEARLY an hour to reach the shelter. 'Member when Jerald didn't sleep fer 'bout forty eight hours 'cause he was backlogged on 'is Internet job, and he randomly collapsed in the break room?" "So?" "Seventy two minutes! Heh, I remember 'cause ya were constantly callin' out the time, ya used ta treat 'im as yer son, as well-" "Fine! I get it! But AT LEAST slow down as we're goin' through the city!". David slowed down to the speed limit, "Belle's there..." "THEN SPEED UP!!!" the woman roared. Dispite how recklessly the part timer was driving, the ride to the shelter was disturbingly solemn, once out of the city, the only thing out of the ordinary were large, speeding shadows in the far distance. As they grew steadily closer to the rescue center, a blazing glow began to creep into view. "... Oh no..." Sherry muttered as a massive fire came into sight, completely engulfing the old shelter; a large, blue truck sat near the driveway, as well as Jerald's motorcycle. David kept his distance and parking on the opposite side of the road, while keeping the shelter still at running distance. "Okay... what should we-" The boss forced the door open, sprinting full speed toward the blinding light; the heat radiating from the fire was painfully searing, and there was no immediate sign of Jerald or Belle on the outside of the building. As she ran onto the gravel driveway, she noticed that the paint on the two vehicles had bubbled off on one side, large strips of ember clogged the boiling air, and faint screams could be heard from somewhere behind the building. Sherry recognized them to be Jerald's cries out to Belle, "JERALD!!!" she shouted, rounding the outside of the building, "JERAL-" the woman froze in horror as the roof slammed down to the bottom of the shelter, viciously rocketing flames out of the wall next to the boss. A tall person wrapped its arms around Sherry, quickly pressing her face into its smoke reeking chest as the fire slightly soaked her upper arms. She stared in disbelief as a brutally beaten and burnt Belle stumbled a few steps back, "H... he's here." the boy mumbled in sorrow, before abruptly toppling over to the side, hitting the scorched dirt with force. "Sherry!?" The boss heard her other worker call out as he lightly jogged over to her, "BELLE!!!" he suddenly shouted in terror as the boy's shuddering, unconscious body came into view. "We have ta get outta here!!" Sherry yelled as she dropped down, attempting to lift Belle's lanky body off of the fried ground; Jerald quickly assisted in lifting him up, then the two rushed to pull him away from the overwhelming fire. "OVER THERE!!!" David's voice rang out through the desolate night air as the three struggled to make it to the gravel driveway, and upon rounding the corner, bright blue and red lights could be seen from across the way. A small group of uniformed officers ran to the weak group, with two taking Belle, and another two helping Sherry and Jerald; the final officer trailed behind them, calling in for the rest of the force positioned a safe distance away from the flames. Belle was taken into one of the two ambulances back near where David parked, and was immediately hooked up to a few machines. Jerald and Sherry were lightly tended to, with both having several minor burns, and a head wound on the back of the volunteer worker's head. The boy was badly torn up, suggesting foul play before the fire broke out. Belle was quickly taken to an Amarillo hospital, while everyone else was free to go.