#tommy's in his foolish arc

[atinylittlepain]

Unexpected Expectings - A Joel Miller Story

Joel Miller x pregnant!f!reader/pregnant!f!oc

Joel Miller Masterlist

It's a horrible idea, even living somewhere as safe as Jackson. But it's all she wants. Will Joel be able to accept her decision? Or will she have to do this alone?

warnings | 18+ heavy angst, descriptions of pregnancy symptoms, SMUT, decisions around pregnancy, Joel is an asshole :/

.....................

She knows it’s foolish. Stupid really, and maybe even a death wish. It isn’t certain, but it might as well be. Her period has been missing for three months now, and since she’s been living in Jackson, there’s no other reason for its absence other than one glaring option. That coupled with the rolling nausea that has been rocking her these past few weeks makes her as close to certain as she can be. She’s living in a post-apocalyptic world, and she’s pregnant.

She and Joel had been so careful, or at least she thought so. She had even figured out how to track her periods, maneuvering around them to create the least possible chance of something like this happening. Yet, it was becoming painfully clear that they hadn’t been careful enough. The first month, she thought it was just a fluke. The second month, she started to panic when the so-called morning sickness started showing up at all times of the day. Her first instinct had been to hide it from Joel. She knew his past, the loss of his daughter Sarah that had left him shattered, and she knew that a pregnancy would be the last thing they needed. While things were a little different in Jackson – even Maria had just had a perfect baby boy with Tommy – she and Joel had lived harder than most of these people. After their time on the road transporting Ellie, they couldn’t help the skittish streak in them, waiting for the other shoe to drop, another catastrophe, and they were always keeping an eye on the horizon, ready to leave when things went sideways. And they certainly couldn’t do that with a baby in tow. 

She should have taken care of it right away, gone to Maria who’d know women in the community that could help. The mountains were rich with herbs and plant medicine, and there’d surely be a way to take care of the situation with the right knowledge. But, something was keeping her from doing it, from ending it, and she couldn’t figure out what the hell it was. Maybe it was some sort of hormonal cocktail already bonding her to this question mark of a child, but all she knew was that she kept stealing wisps of moments alone in which she’d lift up her shirt and settle her palm over her stomach. 

It hadn’t been too hard to hide it at first, she and Joel were passing ships during the day, each busy with patrol shifts. When the nausea hit, she’d found ways to subtly excuse herself and find somewhere to quietly wretch until the feeling passed. It was exhausting, but the alternative option of Joel finding out and possibly having an aneurysm seemed a lot less appealing. But as time kept passing, the reality that she’d have to handle the situation or tell him the truth became more pressing. It happened one morning as they were showering together. Joel had been grazing his rough hands along her body, palms splaying along her sides as she pressed her back into his chest, head tilted to rest on his shoulder. He had hummed in her ear, fingers skimming over her stomach to graze the underside of her breasts.

“Civilization looks good on you, honey. Finally got you eating proper and you fill out so nice.” He had emphasized his words with a harsh squeeze to the swell of her breasts, but she had stilled in his hold, her eyes blowing wide in fear. She had quickly recovered, turning in his hold and distracting him with a sloppy blowjob, but once they got out of the shower and started getting dressed, she had hung back, waiting until he was already heading downstairs to finally look in the mirror. It was subtle, but her stomach was obviously swollen, the hint of an arc, and her breasts were also feeling different, heavier in her hands.

That was a month ago now, and each day since she had told herself it will be the day she confronts Joel with the truth, and each day, she keeps on hiding it from him. But it was certainly getting harder. She hadn’t really let him touch her since that morning, opting for chaste pecks and quick slips out of his grabby hands and she could tell Joel was getting more and more frustrated at the distance. He did however let her off the hook for her uncharacteristic distance when he found her hunched over the toilet and heaving out the contents of her stomach. Morning sickness had been continuing to mount, and it had become all but impossible to hide it. When he asked her what was wrong with a panicked worry washed over his face, she chalked it up to food poisoning, an answer he reluctantly accepted before getting her a glass of water and helping her lay down. But food poisoning doesn’t last for weeks. 

When she wakes up the next morning, Joel already gone on an early shift, she knows that by tonight, he needs to know the truth.

The first thing she does that morning is head to Maria’s house. Her mind is a fog of thoughts as she knocks on her door, but she’s quickly shocked back into reality when Maria opens the door with her little boy on her hip. The sight of the mother with her child takes her breath away, and she unconsciously brings her own hand to ghost over her stomach before quickly jerking her arm down to her side and digging her nails into her palm. Maria offers her a smile, but confusion settles in a crease between her brows.

“Hey, Joel said you weren’t feeling too well yesterday. Are you doing alright?” She sighs, trying to find the right words but failing as she wrings her hands on Maria’s doorstep.

“Um, hey, I-I’m fine, but– can I talk to you about something?” Maria’s eyebrows raise slightly, but she nods, shifting to let her come in before closing the door behind them. They sit down on the sofa in her living room, and her eyes immediately catch on the small memorial to Sarah and Maria’s own son that rests above their fireplace. She feels her throat tighten at the sight, but quickly shifts her focus back to Maria, who’s gently cooing at her brightening boy. She can’t help but smile at the sight, but Maria glances up at her, reminding her that she isn’t here for small talk. She clears her throat, taking a sharp inhale before speaking.

“There’s no good way to say this so I’ll just get it out. I’m pregnant.” Maria’s jaw falls slightly, her eyes wide, the only sound breaking the suffocating silence are the light coos of her baby. She takes another deep breath before continuing.

“It’s Joel’s, obviously. A-and I’m pretty sure it’s been three months?” Maria finally nods.

“Ok. What do you wanna do?” It’s such a simple question, but it’s the first time she’s talked about this with anyone, and she can already feel tears pricking her eyes as she stammers out a response.

“I– I wanna say that I don’t know– but– I– I do. I wanna keep it– so bad. I-is that crazy?” Maria’s wide smile is a huge relief, and the laugh she lets out washes away any uncertainty she had.

“No. It’s not crazy. Not at all. If anyone is tough enough to do it, it’s you.” Just then, Maria’s boy lets out a shrill giggle that startles them both, making them laugh and share a warm smile. She can see a streak of worry cross over Maria’s features, though, and the woman sighs.

“I have to ask. Does Joel know yet?” Her smile quickly fades, a deep frown settling as she looks down at her hands, shaking her head.

“I’ve been battling in my head about it until just now. Wasn’t even sure he was gonna need to know anything. But I guess now he’s gonna have to find out.” Maria purses her lips, seeming to think on it for a moment.

“Well, I’ve known Joel long enough to understand that this might not be easy. But you don’t have to do it alone. I know– we’re all supposed to have dinner together on Friday– Tommy and I and you and Joel and Ellie. What if you told him then? Amongst family.” She feels tears threatening to spill again at Maria’s idea, and the woman is quick to take one of her hands and offer a reassuring squeeze.

“You are family, you understand?” She smiles, nodding jerkily as she swipes away her tears. 

“Thank you, Maria. Just– thank you. That means a lot to me.” They share another smile, but she can’t help the anxious thoughts burrowing into her head.

“It’s just– I’m worried I won’t be able to hide it until then.” Maria furrows her brow and she sighs under her gaze.

“I’m having terrible morning sickness. Honestly, whoever decided to call it that is an idiot because it’s all day. I just don’t think Joel is gonna keep buying the excuse of food poisoning until Friday.” Maria nods at her words.

“There’s a tea I can show you how to make. I drank gallons of it when I was pregnant with this little devil. Why don’t I come back to your house and I can show you how to make it?” It’s less a question and more a direction as Maria’s already standing with her boy still on her hip, walking into her kitchen to gather whatever she needs to bring over with her. 

…

When they get back to the house she shares with Joel and Ellie, it’s quiet, no one home yet. Keeping her baby slung to her chest, Maria sets to work, showing her the herbs she’s combining to steep in a pot on the stove.

“Honestly, I’d just keep a pot brewing with this all day. The stronger the better in this case.” She nods at her words.

“Thank you for helping me with this. It’s just been so exhausting, it feels like it’s only getting worse.” Maria smiles knowingly, lightly stirring the pot of brewing tea.

“Well, they say strong morning sickness means strong baby. I’ve also heard that having a lot of morning sickness is a sign it’s a girl.” 

“Who’s having morning sickness?” The women both jump, startled by Ellie’s sudden presence in the kitchen. She quickly stammers out an answer, trying to cover their trail.

“H-hey, Ellie bean. No one has morning sickness. We were just talking about Maria’s pregnancy, that’s all.” By the squinting look the girl gives them, she can tell Ellie’s not quite buying her answer.

“Uh, ok, but Maria had a boy.” She glances at Maria, who looks just as confused as she feels.

“What’s that?”

“Maria had a boy. And she said that having lots of morning sickness means it’s a girl, so I don’t see how you could’ve been talking about her pregnancy– is something else going on?” Before she can come up with a reply to Ellie’s skeptical question, a punch of nausea washes over her and it’s all she can do to hinge over the edge of the sink before she’s emptying what little was in her stomach into the porcelain basin. When she rights herself, swiping her mouth with the back of her hand, Ellie’s eyes are wide and her mouth is hung open.

“No way–”

“Ellie–”

“Are you for real right now? You’re pregnant?” She shushes the girl’s exclamation, holding her by her shoulders and looking her square in the eyes.

“I-I am, but, Ellie, you can’t tell anyone–”

“Wait – it’s Joel’s, right? That was a dumb question, of course it is– wait, does he know yet?” She sighs, offering the girl a small shake of her head and Ellie’s face falls.

“A-are you not keeping it or–?”

“No! I am, I am. I decided I am.” She glances behind her to Maria who gives her a small smile of support. Maria steps forward and both women place a hand on Ellie’s shoulders.

“Ellie, she’s gonna wait to tell Joel until this Friday. When we’re all together as a family. But until then, you can’t say a word to anyone.” Ellie’s eyes widen again and she lets out a huffed laugh.

“Oh shit. Joel is gonna freak the fuck out. You do realize that, right?” She sighs, letting her hand drop from the girl’s shoulder.

“I do. Which is why I’m waiting to tell him, ok? Joel can’t know anything until then.”

“What can’t I know?” All three of them let out startled yelps, turning to see Joel coming in through the back door. Shit. When none of them answer his question, he huffs, putting his hands on his hips.

“Hey, what can’t I know?” Ellie’s eyes dart nervously between her and Maria, but both women are still too stunned to figure out how to respond. Unfortunately, Joel’s eyes wander to the kitchen counter, where Maria had left the book she brought over. She had offered to lend it to her, an old tattered copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting. If the title didn’t make it obvious, the picture of the very pregnant woman on the cover certainly did. 

It’s as if she watches it in slow motion as he shuffles over to the counter, picking up the book and inspecting it. He holds it aloft, peering back at the trio who have all still failed to pick their jaws up off the floor.

“What’s this doing here?” His gaze shifts from Maria, to Ellie, finally to her. She can barely meet his eyes with her own, still swimming in her mind for how to answer him. Ellie’s the first to break the silence, stepping in between her and Joel.

“Listen, old man. You don’t get to be mad at her, alright? It’s bad for the baby.” Joel’s face immediately slackens, the book falling from his hand with a heavy thud as it meets the floor. She grits her teeth. Jesus christ, kid, so much for not saying anything. Maria speaks then.

“Ellie–” The girl whips around, a panicked look on her face.

“Oh fuck. I’m sorry–” They’re startled again when Joel brings a heavy hand down on the counter, the sound reverberating through the kitchen.

“Somebody better tell me what the fuck is going on, right now.” She squeezes Ellie’s shoulder.

“It’s ok, Ellie. Why don’t you go with Maria? Joel and I need to talk.” He huffs at her words but she keeps her attention on Ellie and Maria, both of them giving her a weary, questioning look. She just nods, ushering them out of the kitchen.

“Go. I think we need to have this conversation just me and him.” The pair finally acquiesce, Ellie muttering another sorry before she turns back to shout over her shoulder at Joel.

“You better be nice, old man. If you hurt my future sister you’ll have to answer to me.” She winces at the girl’s words. It definitely didn’t help the incredulous look that had wiped over Joel’s face. She finally turns back to face him fully, wringing her hands. He huffs again, shifting in his work boots as he peers at her.

“You better start explaining yourself. Is it– are you–” She lifts her chin, trying to be confident under his scrutinizing look.

“I am, Joel. I’m pregnant.” His features slacken again and he rakes both his hands through his hair, letting out a low curse.

“Is it– is it mine?” She chokes on a breath at his ridiculous question before letting out a humorless laugh.

“Why does everyone keep asking me that? Of course it’s fucking yours! What kind of question is that?” He sighs, scrunching his eyes shut and shaking his head.

“I’m sorry– I just– it just came out– fuck. I know that– I know it’s mine.” He scrubs a hand down his face, glancing at the pot on the stove.

“Is that what this is for? Maria told you how to take care of it?” It’s her turn to scrunch her face at him.

“What? No. Joel I– I’m going to–” He holds up his hand, cutting her off.

“No.”

“Joel.”

“No. Don’t say what I think you’re about to– don’t tell me you wanna keep it.” Something in her crumples at his words, so she does what she does best when she’s under attack. She gets pissed. She gets up in his space, her sudden heated change in demeanor seeming to catch him off guard as she jabs her finger into his chest, making him stumble back until he’s leaning against the counter.

“I’m not telling you I wanna keep it. I’m telling you I am keeping it.” He scoffs at her words, hulking over her even as she tries to stand her ground.

“Well then you’re not as smart as I thought you were. Are you really stupid enough to think this is a good idea? This–this mistake? That’s ridiculous. And don’t expect me to play house with you either because I want no part of this.” She’ll deal with the pain his words are sending shivering through her bones later, but for now, she sneers at him and gets big with anger.

“Fine. I’ll do it by myself if I have to. But you’re not gonna take this from me, Joel Miller, even if it means losing you.” She sees something flash behind the ire in his eyes and she thinks it’s the same hurt she currently feels squeezing her heart. But it’s gone in an instant, Joel huffs before shouldering past her and storming through the house and out the front door. It’s all she can do to hold herself up on the counter as the first sob racks her body. 

…

She has no idea where Joel stomped off to, and she doesn’t want to be around to find out when he gets home. With a backpack stuffed with whatever she thought she might need, she stumbles out across the street, back to Maria’s house. The bright sunlight of mid-afternoon stings her tear-worn eyes and she scrubs harshly at her face as she waits for someone to answer the door. She’s caught off guard when it’s Tommy who opens up to her knocking.

“Oh– Tommy, I– um– I–” Before she can stutter anything out, the man is gathering her up in a hug that makes her let out a small “oof.” He pulls back, guiding her into the house and quietly closing the door.

“Maria told me. I’d like to say congrats, but I also think I’m gonna have to apologize for whatever dumb shit Joel pulled when you told him.” His words make her let out a breathy laugh, but then she falls apart all over again. Tommy rubs her arms as more sobs break, guiding her over to sit on their couch. She digs the heels of her palms into her eyes, shaking her head.

“I’m sorry– I-I can’t stop f-f-fucking crying today.” Tommy offers her a sad smile, sitting down next to her and squeezing her hand.

“I’d say that’s a fitting reaction. If you wanna cry, then you just cry, alright? Now what the hell did Joel say when you told him?” She sighs, a long shudder running through her as she finally glances up at Tommy.

“He said it was stupid– that I want to keep it. Called it a mistake.” Tommy huffs, a deep furrow of frustration settling across his face. 

“Well, my suspicions are confirmed. Joel’s acting a fucking fool. Did he storm off?” She nods and Tommy lets out a dry chuckle.

“He’s predictable, the old shit. You already know this, but he’s a reactive asshole. I can guarantee he’s already starting to feel bad for all that garbage he said.” She nods, a wave of exhaustion passing over her that has her leaning back into the couch and tilting her head up to look at the mottled ceiling.

“I know that. But– I don’t– this is different from anything else.” Tommy looks at her questioningly and she sighs.

“I just– I think this might be it, Tommy. I think it might be too much for him.” Her eyes are fixed on Sarah’s name scrawled on the chalkboard atop their mantel. He rests a hand on her knee, giving a reassuring squeeze.

“Well, then Joel is an even bigger idiot than I thought. Look, I have a pretty good idea of where he sulked off to. Why don’t I go talk to him?” She shakes her head, eyes hazy in resignation.

“No, I think it’ll only upset him more. Whatever conclusion he gets to, he needs to come to it on his own.” Tommy sighs, but nods at her words.

“And you? What’s your conclusion?” She brings both her hands to rest over the slight swell of her belly.

“I’m prepared to do it alone if I have to. God– I don’t think I’ve wanted something this bad in a long time.” Tommy smiles at her words, giving her knee another squeeze.

“Right on, mama. And, Joel or no Joel, you aren’t gonna do this alone. Maria and I, we’re here for you. And Ellie too. Pretty sure that girl is gonna knock his lights out if I don’t beat her to it.” She can’t help the warbly laugh she lets out at that and it feels like the biggest relief after such a shit day.

“Thank you, Tommy.” The man nods.

“No need for thank you, not when it comes to family.”

…

Tommy shows her up to their spare bedroom and she conks out nearly as soon as she lays down, the day she’s had finally catching up to her. When she wakes up, the room is a wash in the orange haze of evening. She can hear quiet laughter floating down the hall through the cracked door of the room and she follows the sound to find Maria and Ellie in the nursery, sprawled on the rug as they play with Maria’s boy. Ellie is on her feet in an instant, wrapping her up in a hug and whispering a meek “I’m sorry” into her collarbone. She rubs the girl’s back, pulling away to offer her a small smile.

“It’s alright, Ellie bean. It’s gonna be alright.” Ellie nods, her eyes glancing down to her stomach and she can’t help but laugh at the girl’s suddenly very nervous demeanor. Ellie’s eyes whip back up to hers. 

“Can I– um– could I–” She cuts off her stammering, grabbing one of her hands and laying her palm over her stomach. Ellie’s eyes widen.

“There’s not much to feel yet, but–”

“Woah, s’already, like, round. That’s so fucking weird, man.” She snorts at Ellie’s words.

“Gee thanks, kid. That makes me feel a lot better.” Ellie huffs, letting her hand fall away before looking back up at her.

“Is it really gonna be a girl?” She glances at Maria who’s now standing with her boy on her hip. 

“Well, I guess we won’t really know until they’re here. Whoever they are. But I have to admit I’d kinda like a girl seeing as I already have some experience in the area.” She nudges Ellie’s shoulder and the girl laughs at that, eyes crinkling up. Maria sidles up to the pair, leaning and whispering in a fake conspiratory way to Ellie.

“Did you see the way she threw up? Definitely a girl.” They share another laugh, and it’s almost enough to quell the twinge of pain she’s still feeling, Joel’s name pulsing in her mind like a second heartbeat. But she’s quickly taken out of the fog as Maria ushers her and Ellie downstairs to help with dinner.

…

Dinner is lovely, save for the glaringly empty chair at one end of the table. She can tell that they’re trying to keep her mind off it, off him, asking her all kinds of questions about the baby that is now most certainly not a question mark, but a firm exclamation point of a yes. Ellie asks her if she has thought about names and while she honestly hasn’t, she’s surprised by how quickly she has an answer.

“My sister’s name was Olivia, but everyone called her Libby. I think that might be nice since everyone’s so sure it’s gonna be a girl.” It’s sad, but it’s also sweet, and a gentle silence falls over the table as they all take in her response. But they’re startled out of the moment when a quick set of knocks on the front door rings through the house. She knows it’s him, she just does, and her eyes dart anxiously to Tommy’s. Tommy clears his throat, softly muttering “excuse me” as he stands and walks out of the room towards the front door. They’re all holding their breath as he opens it, but something in her snaps when she hears Joel’s voice.

“Is she here?” She can hear the shuffle of Tommy’s boots, most likely as he stands in the doorway to block Joel’s entrance.

“Hello to you too, brother. What exactly can I help you with?” 

“Tommy, please. I-I need to talk to her.” 

“Are you just gonna spew more bullshit at her? Because if that’s the case then I can’t let you see her, Joel.” She can hear the frustrated huff that Joel lets out, can even picture the scrunched look he probably has on his face right now.

“Look, I went home and she wasn’t there. Is she here or not?” She glances at Ellie, a worried look pinching the girl’s features, and she does her best to offer her a reassuring smile, but it’s hard to be convincing when her own stomach is twisting in knots. 

“Brother, you oughta be ashamed of yourself for what you said to her. How could you? After everything you two have been through together? It’s fucking ridiculous.”

“You couldn’t understand, Tommy. What it meant for me to lose–” Tommy cuts off Joel’s words, an anger in his voice that’s new and raw.

“Don’t you dare say I can’t understand. I lost her too, Joel. But at least I’m not a fucking coward like you. Sarah would be disgraced by the way you treated her today.” There’s a shuffling of boots, and then Joel’s harsh words.

“Watch it.” She’s heard enough, getting up and hurrying out to the front door. She finds the men nose to nose, sneers stretched across their faces. When Joel catches her out of the corner of his eye, he immediately slackens, shrinking back from Tommy. She’s amazed by how small he seems as he looks at her, his eyes heavy and glistening. She tentatively steps forward, angling herself between the two men. She does her best to seem confident, tilting her chin up at him

“What is it, Joel?” He clears his throat, opening his mouth but then seeming to think again and pursing his lips in a thin line before he finally speaks.

“Um– I– can we talk?” His eyes keep darting down to her stomach, the small swell now slightly defined under the fitted t-shirt she’s wearing. She had been hiding in his large flannels over the last few weeks, but she figured there was no longer reason to now. Tommy goes to speak, but she glances back at him, a silent confirmation that she has this under control. He nods, sending one more glare toward his brother before shaking his head and slipping back towards the dining room. She turns back to Joel.

“I’ll listen to what you have to say. But I can’t promise you anything in return.” He nods, wiping his palms down the front of his jeans. He goes to speak, but his eyes glance behind her, and she turns to catch Maria, Ellie, and Tommy leaning out from the end of the hall and peering at them. She huffs.

“Here, let’s go on the porch and you can say what you wanna say to just me.” She steps out, not missing the way he flinches as her stomach brushes past him. He sits down on the bench seat and she chooses to lean against the porch railing across from him. His brow furrows.

“You should sit. Need to stay off your feet now.” She’s stunned into laughter at his words, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Are you serious? Joel, what do you care? Last I checked, you wanted nothing to do with this.” She brings one hand down to rest over her stomach, fixing him with as hard a look as she can muster. He sighs, resting his elbows on his thighs as he leans forward and hangs his head between his shoulders. His voice is a murmur, but she can still hear what he says in the quiet of the quick-darkening evening.

“That’s not true.” She huffs.

“What’s not true?” He tilts his head up, finally meeting her gaze. She can see the tears threatening to fall in the corners of his eyes.

“That I don’t want anything to do with this. That’s not true.” She scoffs, scrunching her eyes shut in frustration before looking at him again.

“Well, I’m sorry if that’s a little hard to believe coming from you. After you told me you wanted no part in, what did you say? Playing house with me? You sure know how to keep a girl guessing, Miller, I’ll give you that.” He takes in a harsh breath, running a quick hand through his hair and shaking his head.

“I know what I said– I-I wasn’t talking sense– when I– when you– fuck– you scared the living shit out of me, you know that?” The pained grimace on his face makes her soften, leaning back into the railing, waiting for him to continue. He sighs.

“I just– we were careful, right? We were always careful. How could this happen?” She tenses up.

“You better not be saying this is my fault, Joel.” He blanches, shaking his head.

“N-no, no. It’s just– never in a million years did I think this would happen. I was shocked when you told me. And it’s no excuse for the way I spoke to you and I’m sorry, I really am. But I just don’t understand how you’re not fucking terrified right now because I am.” She lets out an incredulous laugh at his words before looking back at him.

“You think I’m not terrified right now? You think I wasn’t terrified when you walked out that door? You think I haven’t been terrified for the last three months trying to figure out why I want this baby so bad when I know it’s probably the dumbest idea I’ve ever had? I must be good at hiding it then, because I’m so fucking afraid it makes it hard to breathe sometimes.” A heavy silence falls between them. Joel clears his throat.

“Will you please sit down, honey?” She sighs, a weariness settling back into her bones, but she gives in, sitting down next to him on the bench. There’s a few inches of space between them, and Joel rests his open palm there. She takes the invitation, letting her hand tangle with his. Relief washes over her at the feeling of his thumb brushing along her knuckles. He lets out a ragged sigh.

“The thing is, I do want this. With you.” She turns to look at him and he offers her a sad smile.

“But I don’t know if I can do it. Tommy’s right. I’m a fucking coward, darlin. And I’m scared that I can’t be what you need.” She shakes her head, looking at him questioningly. He squeezes her hand.

“When I lost Sarah– it destroyed me– and I told myself that I’d be in pieces for the rest of my life. Hell, the only reason I didn’t lay down and die right then was Tommy. I needed to protect him, to keep going for him.” He pauses for a moment, taking another shivery breath before looking at her again.

“Then I met you, and that damn kid. And I tried so hard not to care, but fuck– you were it for me and I knew it from the start. And I kept going for you, and for Ellie.” He scrunches his eyes shut, shaking his head slightly.

“We have a good thing going here. But you and I know better than most that it can change in a flash. And if– it’d be the end of me– if I lost you, o-or this piece of you and me. Fuck– my mind’s been racing all day with images of you– with a baby– with our baby. And it takes my breath away how much it scares me– and how badly I want it.” He finally opens his eyes, tears dipping into the worn lines of his face. She reaches up to swipe a stray one away from the arc of his cheek and he leans into her palm. 

“Well, it sounds like we’re both scared, but we both want it. So, I guess it’s good we’re on the same page finally.” He huffs out a laugh at her words, a smile ghosting at the corners of his mouth. Truthfully, she’s not sure what to say. But she has a moment to figure it out as Joel wraps his arm around her, pulling her up against him and letting her settle into his side. 

“Joel, I know you feel like you have to protect us. But this isn’t one sided. We’ve made it this far because we’ve done it together. We’re a team. I told you I’d do this by myself if I have to, but fuck– I don’t think I can do it without you. But I know we can do it, scared shitless, together.” He brings his hand to cup her jaw, skating his fingers over her cheek, and he gives her a firm nod.

“We’ll do it, together.” She leans forward, pressing a hard kiss to his lips around her splitting smile and she can feel his own grin in the way he kisses her back. For a moment, all that matters is the way his hand holds her face, the way her palm presses into his chest, and the way they keep kissing like they’re trying to steal each other’s breath. And then they’re promptly jostled out of the moment by a muffled voice resounding from behind the window they’re sitting in front of.

“Ugh, gross!” They both jerk away from each other, glancing behind them to just catch a flash of Ellie’s face before she’s dipping out of sight. They look at each other for a beat, before dissolving into disbelieving laughter. Joel shakes his head, hugging her tighter to his side and laying a kiss in her hair.

“That damn kid.” She snorts, looking up at him.

“I mean, we’ve already got a little practice with a child of the apocalypse. What’s one more, huh?” He huffs, before dipping down to kiss the sly grin off her face. 

…

They return home together, after a rather tense reconciliation between Joel and Tommy that ended in Tommy telling his brother that he’d be “checking in to make sure you’re not being an idiot.” Maria had brought down her pack for her, telling her that she had tucked a few things in it that might be helpful, before shooting a weary glance at Joel that communicated plenty without her having to say anything. 

When they enter the house, Ellie turns on her heel, wagging her finger at Joel and making him stumble back in his tracks a bit.

“Listen here, old man. She may have forgiven you, but I got my eye on you. If you pull any more of your weird, grumpy bullshit, you’re gonna be answering to me, alright? We need to create a stress-free environment for her, and all your scowling nonsense ain’t gonna fly.” Joel grumbles, letting out an exasperated huff of her name, but she’s already putting a gentle hand on the girl’s shoulder, getting her to stand down.

“Don’t worry, Ellie. I’m pretty sure I can handle the old man.” 

“Hey–” Joel scoffs in protest but she shoots him a look over her shoulder that makes his mouth promptly shut. She turns back to Ellie.

“Maria said they’re playing a movie tonight in town. I bet Dina will be there helping out with the little kids. Why don’t you go–” Before she can even pose the question, Ellie’s already shrugging her jacket back on and heading out the door with a hollered “I’ll be back!” 

Watching the interaction, Joel looks exhausted, like he just ran a marathon. She grins, sidling up to him and rubbing her palms up his chest.

“How the hell do you do that? Does she come with a remote that I don’t know about or something?” She laughs, shrugging at him.

“Maybe I’m just a natural, Miller.” That earns her a crooked smile from him as he cups her jaw in both his palms, dipping down for a quick peck. She squeezes his shoulders before turning to head upstairs, he close on her heels. 

They move without needing to speak, falling easily back into their normal routine, letting water warm up for a shower as they peel off their clothes from the day. She suddenly feels nervous, being bare before him. She had been dodging their usual routine, bathing alone to keep him from noticing anything. It’s the first time in a month since he’s seen her like this, and things have certainly changed since then.

She tentatively steps into the bathroom, his bare back facing her. When he hears her he turns around, eyes instantly roaming across her body. He doesn’t let his eyes linger on her belly, instead focusing them back on her face, an unreadable expression across his features. She feels nerves settling cold in her throat. He looks like he wants to say something, but instead lets out a low hum before turning and getting into the shower. She follows, stepping in front of him with her back facing his chest. She jumps slightly when his hands come to her sides, ghosting up until they run along her shoulders and down her arms, his touch disappearing just as soon as it came. They take to the task of cleaning off silently. Joel is gentle as he washes the soap from her body, but she can’t help but notice how his hands maintain a noticeable distance from her stomach. The longer it goes on and the longer he won’t touch her there, she can feel herself wilting, finally shrugging off his hands and leaving him in the shower. He calls out her name as a question, but she’s already wrapping her towel around herself and stepping out of the bathroom. 

She knows it won’t be as simple as telling each other that it will be alright. She knows that Joel is having as much a hard time with this as she is. But she would give anything for him to touch her, to fully acknowledge what they have created together. She sighs, shaking her head of these thoughts as she rummages through her backpack for the clean clothes she had stashed in it. What she first finds, however, is a small bottle of what looks like oil with a note wrapped around it from Maria.

Stretch marks are a bitch. This helps. -M

She smiles at the note, unscrewing the cap and carefully smelling the contents. By the scent, she guesses it must be rosehip oil. She figures people must be collecting the wild blooms further up the mountain, processing them down to oil. She’ll have to thank Maria tomorrow.

If she was being honest, she hadn’t really looked at herself, not since last month. She had been trying so hard to hide the reality of her changing body that she had concealed it from even herself. Still holding the bottle of oil, she steps in front of the time-mottled mirror that hangs on the back of their closet door. She drops her towel, letting it pool around her feet and takes in the sight of what is now clearly a bump. She smooths her palm down the expanse of her stomach, taking in the curved path in the mirror before twisting to the side to see the obvious arc. She notices the silvery lines spidering across her hips there, lines that are new. Lines that mean growth. Lips parted in awe, she twists this way and that, fully taking in the foreign sight of her body.

The sound of Joel clearing his throat startles her out of her reverie and she turns her head to see him standing in the doorway to the bedroom with a towel slung around his hips. She’s frozen where she stands, pinned under his heady gaze that finally seems to be taking all of her in. His eyes catch on the bottle she’s still holding, looking back up at her with a question across his face. She smiles lightly, holding the bottle up.

“It’s from Maria. For stretch marks, I guess. Didn’t think I’d still be worrying about those after society collapsed.” It’s a lame attempt at a joke as Joel continues to study her. She still can’t figure out what he’s thinking, something she’s not used to. He clears his throat again, meeting her gaze.

“Do you want– could I– um– can I help?” Those three gruff words settle the aching worry in her chest. She smiles, nodding at him and he pads into the bedroom, his eyes not leaving hers as he settles on the edge of the bed. She shuffles over to stand between his legs and hands him the bottle. His eyes only break from hers when he looks down to unscrew the cap and pour some of the oil into his palm, rubbing his hands together to warm them up.

She can’t help the shiver that runs through her when his hands find purchase on her hips, rubbing small circles that start to get larger as he smooths over her sides. She rests her hands on his shoulders as he works, pausing only to pour more oil out into his palms. He hesitates before letting his hands lay on the actual swell of her stomach, but when he finally does she lets out a sigh that makes him smile. He’s impossibly gentle as he rubs the oil into her belly, lips parted in concentration. She tilts her head, dipping her cheek to her shoulder as she watches him. When he meets her gaze again she can see that his pupils are blown wide.

“Does this feel good, honey?” She hums, nodding lightly, drawing another smile from him as he finishes his ministrations. He rests his hands on her hips, pulling her closer to him as he drops his lips over her stomach in a sweet kiss, letting his mouth linger over her skin. The vibrations of the words he murmurs into her skin send another shudder through her bones.

“Beautiful. You’re fucking amazing.” She sighs out his name, carding her fingers through his hair to tip his head back to look up at her. She dips down to meet him in a kiss, his hands squeezing and encouraging her onto his lap as they dissolve into tangled tongues and swallowed sighs. Joel pulls away, letting his mouth trail down her neck, over the tops of her breasts and she arches into his lips. He sighs into her skin.

“Been missing you, darlin. But I guess now I know why you were slipping my hold all the time.” She grins, pressing a kiss to his forehead as he rests his chin in the valley between her breasts. 

“You had me worried for a second there. Thought you were trading me in for a newer model.” She scoffs, tugging lightly at his hair to crane his face back up towards hers so she can steal another kiss from him.

“Not a chance, old man. You’re stuck with me.” He groans at the name she calls him, squeezing at her ass where his hands have now wandered and making her yelp.

“Let’s just see if you’re still calling me old man when I’m done with you.” With that, they meet in another rolling kiss, and it’s an awkward shuffle as Joel shrugs out of his towel and they inch up the length of the bed until he’s finally laying back with her straddling his hips. His cock is hard, resting against his thigh and she can just feel the tip of him grazing her backside as he brings his hand to her hip, drawing his fingers through her folds and making her whine out his name. She cants into his palm as he dips his fingers into her entrance, collecting the slick that’s already pooling there and drawing it up to her clit to press firm circles into the nerves there. Her hands find purchase on his chest as he starts to work her over with his fingers.

“Look so perfect like this, honey. Like a fucking painting.” Her eyes screw shut at his words, a whimper of his name on her lips as he starts to pump two of his fingers into her, his palm grinding into her clit with each pass. It’s certainly different, being astride Joel with the bump now all but in the way, and she feels stunted in her movements against his hand, like she can’t quite draw the pleasure from her hips that she’s looking for. Joel seems to sense her frustration, his hand stilling for a moment to instead rub circles into her hip.

“What’s wrong? What do you need, darlin?” She huffs, digging her chin into her chest as she feels a flush of embarrassment creeping up her neck.

“I-I don’t know– fuck– it just feels– weird.” She gestures vaguely to her stomach and Joel’s eyes widen, fingers flexing into the plush of her hips.

“Did I hurt you?” She’s quick to shake her head, thumbing at the frown across Joel’s face.

“No– it just– it doesn’t feel like it normally does– I don’t know– I feel awkward.” Joel lets out a long exhale, bringing one of his hands to graze along her jaw.

“It probably isn’t going to feel like it normally does, darlin. But we can figure this out, alright? Wanna make you feel good.” His words send a shiver up her spine and she nods.

It takes a bit of trial and error, but they both settle with her on her side and Joel pressed up behind her, the warmth of his chest spreading against her back. He runs his palm down her side, stopping at the plush of her thigh and encouraging her leg to hitch back over his, spreading her open a bit more for him. From there, he slides his hand between her legs, again finding a rhythm as he dips into her, crooking his fingers in a way that has her gasping as she digs her nails into his forearm. Her hips stutter back into him as he continues to fuck her with his fingers and she can feel his throbbing length pressing against the swell of her ass.

“That’s it, honey. Just relax. Let it feel good.” She whimpers his name, already feeling the pleasure settling heavy at the hilt of her spine, ready to pour over at any moment. She’s definitely more sensitive than usual, her hips jerking every time his palm presses hard against her clit. She cranes her neck back into his shoulder and he lays a kiss to her temple.

“Will you come for me, darlin? Please? Let me see you, huh?” She gives him a jerky nod, scrunching her eyes shut. With one more pass of his hand over her clit the pleasure bursts as she clenches around his fingers. She lets out a pant of his name as he fucks her through her high, squiriming in his hold as the sensation becomes nearly too much to bear. He finally relents, drawing his palm up her side before taking the heavy swell of one of her breasts in his hand and squeezing lightly. She groans at the feeling and he shushes her, laying kisses in her hair.

“So perfect, darlin. Did that feel good?” She sighs, craning her neck to meet him in a tangled up kiss.

“Yes, Joel. Wanna feel you. Let me have you, please.” He huffs into another kiss.

“You’ve got me, honey. Whatever you want, it’s all yours.” She turns back in his hold, hitching her leg back along his thigh as he draws his cock through her folds. They both sigh at the contact and her mind goes fuzzy when he notches the tip at her entrance. She’s realizing that it really has been a while, and just how much she missed this, missed him.

He slowly rolls his hips forward until he’s pressed flush with her, stilling like that as they both pant at the feeling. His voice is slow and thick in her ear, sending chills down her neck.

“Fuck– I missed this– missed you so much, darlin. Fucking made for me.” She keens under his praise, arching back into him.

“Joel, please– need you to move– p-please–” With a murmured “I got you” Joel rolls his hips again, slipping away to only spread her open all over again, a little more force in the way he grinds into the plush of her ass. It’s a jolted rhythm, both of them desperately chasing pleasure as he finds a slow but deep pace that she swivels back into. The sound is positively obscene, her arousal slicking each of his thrusts, their shared, broken gasps, the creaking of the bed frame. Joel brings his palm down to rest along the undercurve of her belly, his fingers dipping to circle her clit.

“M’sorry, honey– fuck– already close– will you give me one more? Let me feel you, c’mon, I know you can.” Each pant of her breath is his name, a chant as he tips her over the edge again. She flutters around his cock, throwing her head back into his shoulder. He’s not far behind her, thrusting once, twice, before his hips are stilling against her ass, his warmth washing through her core as he comes with a ragged cry of her name. He presses his damp forehead into the nape of her neck as they both catch their breath. She grabs his hand, tangling their fingers together.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t mean to–” She cuts him off with a squeeze to his hand, a wry smile sliding across her face that he can only glimpse over her shoulder.

“I think it’s a little too late to worry about pulling out, Miller.” A beat of silence, and then he’s laughing gruffly into her back.

“Gonna be the death of me, woman.” She winces slightly when he pulls out and he turns her over in his hold, eyes scanning her worriedly.

“Are you hurt?” She shakes her head.

“Just a little sore. It has been a while, huh?” Joel grimaces, stealing a quick kiss.

“Never letting that happen again. I’ll tie you to the damn bed if I have to I need you so bad.” She sputters out a laugh at his words, brushing his dampened hair out of his face.

“Don’t think that will be necessary. You know I’m all yours.” He smiles, bringing his palm to the expanse of her belly, the warmth in his touch radiating all the way to the tips of her toes.

“I’m all yours, darlin. I love you.” Her eyes still widen when he says that. He’s only said it a handful of times, and it still catches her by surprise. She smiles, brushing a light kiss to his lips.

“I love you, Joel.”

…

They get cleaned up, again, but this time, Joel’s hands practically can’t stay away from her belly as they rinse each other off. 

She curls into his side once they get back into bed, tracing patterns into his chest as he runs his palm up and down her arm. Joel sighs.

“So, Ellie said something about a sister? Do you think it’ll be a girl?” She cranes her neck to look at him, a grin crooking on her face.

“I don’t know. What do you think?” Joel studies her face for a moment before letting out a huff.

“I think we need another Miller boy in this house. You two already gang up on me. We gotta even the playing field.” She can’t help the laugh that bubbles out at that and he quirks a brow at her.

“What? You don’t think it could be a boy?” She quickly shakes her head, stifling her giggles.

“No, no, it’s not that. I just– do you really want a boy that bad?” He purses his lips.

“I mean, I wouldn’t mind a little more testosterone around here. But, I just want him or her healthy. Want you healthy.” She smiles, pressing a kiss to his chest before lifting up to kiss his lips.

“We will be, Joel. As long as we do it together, it’s gonna be alright.” She settles back down onto his chest, but can’t help the giggle that jolts through her thinking about what he said. He jostles her in his hold.

“What?” She sighs.

“Nothing, I’m just happy is all. Go to sleep.” He huffs, but seems to accept her answer, settling into a silence that eventually dissolves into his soft snores. She can’t stop thinking about how funny it is, how badly he wants a boy. 

She just knows it’s a girl, and she knows that this sweet little thing is gonna have grumpy Joel Miller wrapped around her pinky finger from the moment he lays eyes on her. Besides, three against one sounds like pretty good odds to her.

[tevanbegins]

This is a long rant to shoot down mad BoB theories insisting that Tommy is a villain / secret spy in cahoots with Gerrard / plot device / temporary LI. The show's writers are mature adults who surely wouldn't go so out of the way to villainize a queer character? To the extent that he'd fool all the main characters into thinking he was a good guy and great for Buck for an entire season, and then start revealing his true colors in the next season? To make a beautiful storyline about queer joy blow up into flames with such a major negative plot twist? All so that Eddie can suddenly realise he is gay and he and Buck can get together? I seriously don't think a 60 year old showrunner would allow such childish nonsense to happen on his show.

I'm not saying queer characters can't play dark / negative roles — Eva's character is an example from this very show itself. But the writers always told us that she is a bad influence on Hen's life right from the start, never got us attached to her by depicting her as a great person in the beginning and then revealing later that she is bad. If Tommy was meant to be horrible for Buck, the narrative would clearly tell us that from the start the way they did with Eva and Hen. The writers cannot be so insensitive as to give the LGBTQ+ community such significant mlm representation with Buck and Tommy, first making us fall in love with their romance and then humiliating us (as well as Buck) by completely destroying Tommy's character — all to serve the end purpose of making a fanon ship go canon? That might happen in B*ddie fanfics written by teenagers, but it can't happen on a show being written for a sensible, mature audience by grown-ass career TV writers!!!

B*ddie would have happened a long time ago if the writers wanted to make it canon. They are not going to do it now, definitely not by making Tommy the scapegoat in that awful mess, just so the toxic portion of the fandom can be appeased over the rest of the audiences who appreciate the show for its thoughtful and sensitive storytelling.

Why is maligning Tommy even necessary to make B*ddie canon? Like Eddie and Buck have seen each other dating one woman after another through the seasons but only Tommy being the bad guy will suddenly lead to a feelings realisation arc? Why didn't it happen before, or why couldn't it happen without reintroducing Tommy if B*ddie canon was always the end plan? Probably because the writers aren't interested in going there at all, and Tommy is genuinely being written as a long-term LI for Buck?

Backing this argument is the fact that most of the conversations had by the other characters after Buck's coming out have not been explicitly about him now identifying as bisexual, but more about him being involved with Tommy. If Tommy was being written as a plot device or a short-term LI, I don't think the other characters (including Eddie, mind you) would be hyping him up during these conversations. The writers would have probably framed the conversations on the lines of, "Oh wow Buck you realised you're bisexual? Congratulations!" instead of "OMG you and Tommy? Tell us more / We love him for you and approve of you two together!" They wouldn't take the efforts they've been taking to make Tommy a pivotal subject of these conversations if he was just a plot device as the BoBs believe. And if he was supposed to be a villain, the other characters would have told Buck to find someone better if they thought Tommy's vibes were off. Not all of them can be foolish to not see through Tommy if he was truly as bad as BoBs say he is (especially not Bobby.) Yes, Buck's bisexuality is valid regardless of who he dates or even if he doesn't, but the fact the characters talk so positively about both him + Tommy during these convos clearly implies this is an important love story blended into the coming out arc.

If B*ddie canon was in the works, JLH and Kenny Choi wouldn't have said on their IG lives that it's not going to happen, Ryan Guzman wouldn't be referring to Eddie as heterosexual, etc. So, we cannot let the BoB comments get into our heads because they are not the ones writing the show. I think we can expect a lot better from Tim & Co. than them giving in to the delusional fantasies BoBs want to see being manifested. Wanted to say this piece because I am fed up of seeing the BoB conspiracy theories all over and don't want to give them the power to steal our joy. That's all for now!

___

[lemotmo]

What do you think the chances are that BT is actually endgame

Thank you for the interesting question Nonny. 😊

I've had some time to think about this and honestly?

Zero chances.

If you had asked me this question right after episode 7x04 had aired, I would have hesitated to answer this. I would have maybe said that there was a 20% chance, because we didn’t really know in what way they would develop Tommy as a character. The main question was whether or not he would only stay as a part of Buck’s arc or if he would get his own storyline.

Having watched the rest of season 7 and knowing what we know now? I can confidently say: ‘Nah, not a chance.’

And there are many reasons why I’m so confident about it:

The way that 7x04 was in essence not about Tommy at all, but all about Eddie. It was confirmed that this episode was shot from Buck’s point of view, so that makes it even more obvious that he was very conflicted on Eddie’s new friendship with Tommy and how Eddie almost seemed to shut him out of that friendship. Even more, Tommy essentially took Eddie out on ‘dates’ and I can’t help but wonder if subconsciously Buck was afraid that Eddie would be interested in Tommy instead of him. He then, in true Buck-style, proceeded to do some foolish things and got his emotions all mixed up. Tommy saw a chance and took it by kissing Buck.

And I’m sure Buck liked that kiss and developed a crush on Tommy. Otherwise he wouldn’t have made an effort to reconnect with him after that failed date. So I’m not saying Tommy doesn’t matter to him or doesn’t have an important part in his story. All I’m saying is that Tommy was basically the wrong guy at the right time.

The interview Tim did about Tommy wasn’t all that promising either. In it he said something about not expecting wedding bells for them and that it was just an entry level relationship. In other words he was warning the audience to not get too attached, because Tommy wasn’t sticking around. At the same time it was revealed by Lou that he was only going to do a few episodes and that originally he was supposed to kiss Eddie. Which is interesting, because it tells us that they were discussing getting Eddie out of that closet. But ultimately they decided on Buck first. Which was the better way to go in my opinion.

Tommy was hardly in the rest of season 7. The main reason for that was that he was introduced as a plot device in Buck’s narrative arc and he fulfilled that function just fine. Basically he only showed up to further Buck’s storyline and that was it. Even that hospital kiss was in function of having Buck come out to his family without making a big deal about it.

He also wasn’t always portrayed as the nicest guy who we should all root for.

First Tim made the decision to choose the man who made Chimney and Hen’s lives worse when they started out at the 118. Which is an odd choice if you ask me. Why would you choose the guy who was obviously a bully to become another character’s love interest? The answer to that question is easy: Because you want to make sure that people remember that this -on the surface- seemingly nice and agreeable guy who helped Hen to save Bathena, has kind of a shady past.

And this showed again and again in the show itself. The way Tommy abandoned Buck during a date and left him standing on the sidewalk as he drove off? The way he was always dismissive of Buck’s interests and used this very sarcastic -almost negative- humour on moments when Buck really could have used some support. Don’t even talk to me about that scene in the finale where he once again deflected Buck’s worry by making THAT joke at such a bad time.

I know deleted scenes aren’t really canon, but -in my opinion- they released that Tommy & Henren scene to, once again show us that Tommy really isn’t invested in his relationship with Buck. The fact that Hen and Karen were suspicious and didn’t trust him, is also notable. We as the audience were meant to see and share their concern.

The way that Oliver doesn’t acknowledge the relationship either speaks for itself. He has once said that he stopped talking about Buddie because, at that time it wasn’t an option because of FOX, and he didn’t want to lead people on.

Right before season 7 Oliver started talking Buddie to everyone who wanted to listen. There was so much promo with Ryan as well. But he never mentioned BT as anything that has a future. He mostly talks about Buck’s bisexuality and leaves Tommy out of it. He doesn’t engage with anything BT related. So to me, there is the possibility that he doesn’t want to lead people on.

The few times he did talk about Tommy it was in the same way he talked about Taylor and Natalia. Generic things to keep people interested, but we all know what happened to Taylor and Natalia, so…

The way the show does absolutely no promo for BT whatsoever is also very obvious. If they had really wanted to push BT, they would have made Oliver and Lou do extensive promo through interviews, photo shoots, magazine articles… all of the things to get them noticed. Kinda like with the actors that play TK and Carlos on Lone Star. There was none of that for BT. Yeah, one single really awkward interview where they didn’t even talk more than a minute about the show. That doesn’t count.

Oliver did do quite a lot of interviews after 7x04, but all of those were centred around Buck’s bisexuality. Tommy was hardly even mentioned. You know who was mentioned in those interviews? Eddie. A lot of these interviewers asked about the chances of Buddie happening. I think Oliver navigated those questions really well, not giving anything away, but at the same time hinting that there was a chance there if the story was told right.

Personally, I am convinced that Oliver and Ryan got the get-go on Buddie last season. But they were also told that the road towards Buddie wouldn’t be linear. They threw a new male love interest into the mix to help Buck realise some things about himself. And I do believe that season 8 will be about Eddie’s personal journey to figuring out who he is and figuring out his sexuality. I don’t think they will give Eddie a new love interest though. I think they might just make him realise he feels more for Buck than friendship and that will be the beginning of him questioning all of his life choices.

As for Tommy? I can see him in another episode or 2 in season 8, to close the arc for Buck’s narrative. But I don’t expect anything more than that.

However which way you turn it, the story will always end up with Buddie together.

Okay, now will everyone please remember that this is only my opinion and my own point of view. None of this is set in stone. This is the way I think it might go. But it could turn out different in many ways. The only thing I’m almost absolutely certain about is that BT isn’t going to last very long in season 8 and that the end goal will always be Buddie.

Also, don’t come into my inbox to hate on me over this. This is literally me talking and speculating about fictional characters on a TV-show. It isn’t all that deep. These people aren’t real. I’m allowed to have opinions about them, even if those opinions go against all of your opinions. If you don’t like reading this, just move on and go read posts that you do agree with. Life is too short to get angry and frustrated over the love life of fictional characters that live in a fictional world. Thank you.

[dubiousculturalartifact]

Obviously I’ve been queerbaited before, like, a genuinely incalculable number of times, and maybe thinking Buddie might actually go canon is a ‘fool me sixteen times, shame on me’ scenario, but I think one big thing that’s keeping my hope alive is this thought: If you genuinely believe that Buddie isn’t going to go canon, 100% zero possibility and absolutely no intention of trying... Then you also have to believe the people who create the show we’re all fans of are purposefully cruel dicks. 

Because we have SEEN what it looks like when the showrunner of 911 knows there is no possibility of it happening, has no plans of it, and is generally trying to avoid accusations of queerbaiting.

It looks like S5 & S6. Little bits here and there, the odd important scene to throw breadcrumbs… but a lot of keeping the two characters apart, being circumspect in interviews, PR shut downs on the actors, etc. The show has proven they are capable and willing to exactly that!

So indulge me, and imagine for a second. They had the conversation with the new network, and the execs told them they wanted to continue with the status quo, to write as if Buddie is never going to go canon, BUT were willing to bend so far as to make one of them queer, to keep the fans happy.

What would that look like?

I don't know, call me foolish.... But I think it would look like keeping the same dynamic from The Drought Seasons. Having them be friends and important to each other but still fairly disconnected, not having as much screen-time, etc, It would look like having Buck’s coming out arc be a SEPARATE, individual narrative. If they just wanted to write Tommy and Buck, and that's it, they could have done things differently.

There are just so many conceivable ways they could have written Buck’s coming out arc, to almost completely separate it from Eddie and have it be made clear, in no uncertain terms, that Buck is bi but that doesn’t mean he cares about Eddie like that, that Eddie is a hetero McHetero.

Buck’s coming out arc could have included him being jealous because he’s suddenly faced with Tommy in the flesh and is insecure about how he was technically ‘Tommy’s replacement’ at the 911, with Eddie not relevant to it at all, or have Maddie and Chimney be the ones to interrupt The Date, or literally any other scenario that didn’t make it all about Eddie. 

They could have had one short scene where Eddie and Buck talk about it, and then the rest would be like, Buck talking to Hen about being queer, Buck interacting just with Tommy and getting to know him, Buck doing a research binge about bisexuality and info-dumping at an inappropriate time during a call, etc etc etc.

That’s how you tell that story and only be writing it for the proverbial ‘general audience’.

But they didn't. They purposefully reversed direction. They chose for Buck’s coming out arc to... highlight his nigh-feral jealousy over Eddie forming a homosocial bond with another guy, having said guy repeat with genuine surprise and shock that it was him and not Eddie that Buck was interested in, have Eddie interrupt their date, have Buck be more worried about lying to Eddie than the fact that he’s queer at all, have Maddie say what she did to Buck about telling Eddie in specifically ambiguous terms…

In a season that also included the Fire Extinguisher Incident, and Buck saying he ‘wishes he could help’ with Eddie’s sexual frustration, and a big increase in social media engagement, and having Buck being Eddie’s rock in the last few episodes while he had a bizarrely platonic affair with his dead wife's doppleganger…

If they did that while KNOWING the plan was actually for Buck/Tommy endgame and Eddie riding off in the sunset with a hot female firefighter who has a cool motorcycle or whatever the fuck, or them both dying in a freak car-washing accident, or….

If they GENUINELY planned that? If the entire Buck jealousy plotline was intended to be nothing more than a deliberate queerbait-and-switch? Then they’re fucking assholes, sorry. They would have to know full well exactly what they were doing, how many people’s hopes and emotional investment they were toying with... If they were actually planning to keep dragging it along for seasons more of baiting and dangling things in front of us, while knowing categorically that they had no plans to deliver? That would be genuinely GOD TIER levels of specific, intentional queerbaiting.

Which could be the case! I won't deny that. Shows have done it before, plenty of times. Tim et al could be callous bastards deliberately instructing the actors to wink it up in interviews and share suggestive Tiktoks, and writing Buck’s coming out arc as being entirely focused around Eddie and throwing out hints... All while laughing behind Buddie fans' backs about our gullibility, how we’re keeping the show trending on the force of our delusions, etc. Maybe that's it! Maybe they just genuinely enjoying fucking with people. Or maybe they were just shitty enough writers that they didn't know what they were doing, and it was all a total accident, somehow, the proverbial monkeys pounding at keyboards and accidentally spelling out B U D D I...

But you know what? Call it naive, but I prefer to think they’re not huge assholes, or hugely incompetent.

That there might actually be a point to all this, somewhere down the line.

I guess we'll find out.

[conarcoin]

dream smp characters if they were youtubers in-universe except i'm right and i don't take constructive criticism

c!dream: he makes "calling fnaf at 3 am" type shit

c!george: lifestyle vlogger. uploads once every 3 years

c!sapnap: prank videos. i think

c!sam: urban exploration

c!ponk: gardening tutorials and occasionally he uploads a video directed at sam where he cusses him out on camera while having a breakdown

c!bad: baking channel

c!tommy: he just uploads random recordings from his communicator. they get 5 views and 1 dislike and the dislike is always jack manifold

c!punz: also a prank channel

c!tubbo: is banned from all video platforms for posting nuclear bomb guides

c!fundy: he just cries into the camera

c!purpled: uploads recordings of random players and titles them as cryptid spottings

c!wilbur: reviews nation's flags and gets into drama every day bc he keeps giving them all bad reviews

c!schlatt: like mukbangs but for alcohol. also crypto. channel is shared with c!connor

c!skeppy: pranks also but during egg arc it turned into surreal nonsense and everyone is scared of him now

c!eret: fashion vlogs

c!jack: also banned from all video platforms but because he just keeps commenting "youre just a little hater" on all of tommy's videos

c!niki: also a baking channel

c!quackity: HOW TO GAMBLE AND WIN 2022 NEW TUTORIAL

c!karl: hasn't posted in 5 years he forgot the password

c!techno: like the minecraft equivalent of a breadtuber

c!antfrost: just talks about weed

c!philza: building timelapses

c!connor: shares a channel with c!schlatt and posts crypto shit and occasionally sonic the hedgehog rants before schlatt deletes them

c!puffy: she just talks about boats

c!ranboo: also just cries into the camera

c!foolish: also building timelapses

c!hannah: gardening tutorials

c!slime: no one understands what the fuck he uploads. several people are convinced it's an advanced form of shitposting

c!michael: just reuploads radio broadcasts

c!eryn: HOW TO KILL PEOPLE AND GET AWAY WITH IT. somehow not banned

c!tina: just normal vlogs

c!boomer: strictly uploads videos of frogs

c!pk: (dimensional) travel vlogs

c!aimsey: just uploads whatever he wants

[apollos-boyfriend]

duo name meanings: QSMP

TNT duo: quackity + wilbur

based on their dream smp characters.

in the dream smp, wilbur's character was heavily associated with TNT, having blown up his own nation. while not as heavily associated with the block, quackity used TNT a handful of times himself, attempting to destroy the egg with it and later going on to blow up purpled's UFO.

BBQ: quackity + badboyhalo

based on a combination of their names.

a semi-common thing for quackity's fanbase is to combine a name/theme of another streamer as opposed to an actual "duo" name. for example, quackity and karl are called honQ. the "BB" comes from the first two letters of "bbh" and the q from the first of "quackity".

loan shark duo: quackity + foolish

based on their dream smp characters.

a "loan shark" is someone who lends out money with extremely high interest rates, often to people they know will be unable to pay up. on the dream smp, quackity's last arc was partially based on him recruiting others to join his city, although his measures of recruitment tended to be extreme, such as blowing up someone's house, or in foolish's case, letting him die just to prove a point. additionally, the name borrows from foolish's skin having shark accessories/accentuation.

dap duo: quackity + slimecicle

based on their dream smp characters.

in the dream smp, charlie's character had a tendency of asking others to "dap him up!" quackity was the first person he'd interacted with, and therefore, the first person he asked that to, connecting the two despite slime going on to ask that of multiple other characters as well.

chaos duo: quackity + cellbit

based on their penchant for chaos.

quackity and cellbit tend to both have overdramatic moments that quickly spiral into chaos. quackity in particular can be unpredictable, both as a chracter and streamer.

crazy duo: quackity + forever

N/A

speculation: a parallel to quackity + cellbit's name of "insane duo".

duck duo: quackity + baghera

based on both of them being associated with ducks.

on top of quackity's name, his old avatar used to be the toontown duck. baghera's skin is a duck.

hammer duo: quackity + etoiles

based on an interaction between the two.

etoiles once hit quackity with a hammer. the name stuck.

quachu: quackity + nihachu

based on a combination of their names.

a semi-common thing for quackity's fanbase is to combine a name/theme of another streamer as opposed to an actual "duo" name. for example, quackity and karl are called honQ. quachu borrows the "qua" from quackity and "chu" from nihachu.

cabinet duo: quackity + tubbo

based on their dream smp characters.

on the dream smp, both quackity and tubbo were a part of jschlatt's presidential cabinet, trapped under a government that continuously abused them and their people. the two bonded over their unfortunate situations, and stuck up for each other when things got rough (which was often).

sand duo: wilbur + philza

based on wilbur's bit of eating sand.

during a hardcore stream, wilbur appeared in phil’s TTS, starting the conversation by going, "phil, have you ever eaten sand?", as phil was clearing draining a lava lake with sand and wilbur suggested eating it in order to get it to go faster. this bit would continue on for at least 14 minutes, with wilbur switching from TTS to vc to give phil (and chat) further insight about his sand-eating agenda.

cat duo: wilbur + jaiden

based on their interactions.

when the two met, cats were one of the first things they discussed and bonded over.

oxeye duo: wilbur + slimecicle

based on tommyinnit's lava ravine mod video.

during tommy's video, wilbur and charlie played a nonsensical game of placing items in the same chest and acting as if each had a specific attack, defense, layout, etc. one of the items they played was an oxeye daisy, which was also the last item wilbur gave to charlie before "going submersible."

honey duo: wilbur + roier

based on their flirting.

early on in the qsmp, wilbur referred to roier as "mi amor". in return, roier responded with, "i love you honey", or something to that effect.

streak/tetris duo: wilbur + cellbit

based on both of their characters having (had) white streamers in their hair / based on the streamers being known to play (and rage at) tetris.

when wilbur’s character was revived on the dream smp, he came back with a white streak. when cellbit was kidnapped by the federation, he woke up with a white streak.

despite both of them enjoying tetris, they've been known to be driven slightly insane when losing.

square duo: wilbur + felps

based on someone's dream.

the person who coined the duo name had a dream that felps was the first person wilbur ran into when he returned to the server, and the two got to know each other while breaking down felps' square.

father duo: wilbur + forever

based on their love for their kids.

despite being unable to be there, wilbur cares a lot for tallulah. if he could be present in her life, he would, as that little girl means the world to him. forever is largely regarded as one of the most protective parents, constantly fretting over richarlyson and telling him to put on his armor. he has a strong sense of protection over all the eggs, as well, as seen with the ninho project.

joy duo: wilbur + pac

based on the “lovejoy” name.

despite never meeting him, pac has been very eager for wilbur's return, and was one of the people most looking forward to his arrival when the "surprise party" billboards went up. this led to fans joking about how much he was acting like a fangirl, spiraling into the coining of joyduo.

rain duo: wilbur + nihachu

based on their origins smp characters.

on origins, wilbur was a phantom, and niki a merling. due to phantoms burning in the daytime and merlings being unable to exit the water, the only time the two were able to truly talk and bond with each other during the day was when it was raining.

quirky duo: wilbur + tubbo

based on their personalities.

both wilbur and tubbo are known to be quite eccentric. yeah that's all i got for this one.

hide duo: fit + pac

based on the hide and seek arena.

during a game of hide and seek, pac said goodbye to fit by calling him "big daddy", causing fit to panic and fumble so hard it took him multiple tries to find his warp point back home.

dad duo: philza + luzu

based on their paternal roles/influence.

luzu, of course, is a father in real life. while phil doesn't have any biological kids of his own, wilbur and tommy have essentially adopted themselves as his kids. wilbur has canonized this dynamic in at least three different smps, dubbing himself as phil's son in the dream smp, origins smp, and the qsmp.

death duo: philza + missa

based on their associations with death.

phil is commonly associated with death, or lack thereof, with his irl wife (kristin) canonically having been the goddess of death on the dream smp, as well as his reputation of being an unkillable hardcore player. he's been dubbed "the angel of death" on multiple servers; for being a killing machine on smpearth, and for his wife being the goddess of death on the dream smp. missa's connection comes from his skeletor skin and the different fandom interpretations of his character's appearance.

sugar duo: philza + forever

based on forever being phil's "sugar baby"

during the brazilians' first day on the server, phil took forever under his wing, giving him a bunch of items and supplies to help forever get started. forever was quick to dub phil his sugar daddy, and the name was shortened to just sugar for simplicity's sake.

codebreakers: philza + etoiles

based on their duel against the codes during the elections dinner.

when the codes attacked during the dinner, phil and etoiles were the two main fighters, and the only ones not to get teleported back by admins. additionally, the two of them have been the ones to most express their bloodthrist towards the codes, consistently challenging them to battles and calling them out for cowardly behavior.

goldfinch duo: foolish + jaiden

based on yellow birds.

in the words of its creator (@/inzerogravityy on twitter), "goldfinch is a yellow bird, and yknow jaiden is a bird person, and foolish is a totem that's made of gold which is yellow."

parrot duo: roier + jaiden

based on their habit of mimicking (ie “parroting”) each other.

contrary to popular belief, this has nothing to do with parrots, the bird. it’s because jaiden and roier have a tendency to mimic each other’s mannerisms/phrases! for example, roier’s insistence of hatsune miku being real comes from him hearing jaiden say so, and jaiden’s constant repetition of spanish phrases is because of spending so much time with roier.

rose/flower duo: cellbit + jaiden

based on cellbit’s visit to bobby fields.

when cellbit first visited jaiden's new house, he was very impressed and in awe of her build, to the point where he later admitted it nearly made him cry. jaiden's house, and bobby fields itself, is covered in roses, and recently, cellbit has also decorated his own home with them.

bird duo: baghera + jaiden

based on both of them being associated with birds.

baghera’s skin is a duck, and jaiden is well-known for being a bird lover, having two birds of her own irl. additionally, q!jaiden has been assigned as an avian by the larger fandom.

land duo: foolish + badboyhalo

based on their dream smp characters.

during the l’sandberg arc, bad had created a nation within foolish’s summer home and claimed its independence, despite foolish’s constant protests. multiple land disputes broke out between the two over toll gates, cacti, supreme fridges, and more, culminating in foolish blowing up l’sandberg. this rivalry between them has extended to the qsmp, as well, with bad consistently monitoring foolish’s builds and whether he has “permission” to build on those lands or not. 

theory duo/bros: maximus + badboyhalo

based on them being the original theorists.

before cellbit founded the order, maximus and bad were the first to start theorizing that something was wrong with the island, and the first to truly start digging deeper into what the federation was hiding.

gossip duo: cellbit + badboyhalo

based on their penchant for gossiping.

bad is not only a known gossiper, but known to start trouble just so he has more gossip to spread around. cellbit, while not as extreme, also enjoys his fair share of gossip, and the two have shared multiple gossip sessions over their fellow server members.

lamp duo: badboyhalo + baghera

based on bad gifting baghera a lamp.

during an investigation, bad gifted baghera a blue lamp. not only was this a pretty big thing considering q!bad's penchant for stealing and hoarding furniture, but also because the lamp was blue, ie skeppy-colored. bad tends to be especially protective and territorial over blue furniture, so gifting it to baghera was truly a testament of their friendship and how much he trusted her.

sweet duo: badboyhalo + etoiles

based on their interactions.

despite being some of the server's strongest and most decked-out warriors, etoiles and bad are total sweethearts to each other, as well as most of the other server members.

build duo: foolish + vegetta

based on their building prowess.

vegetta and foolish were some of the first on the qsmp to take up the idea of a large, intricate base, both taking it upon themselves to build massive towers. both players are known for their building outside of the qsmp itself.

castle/simp duo: cellbit + vegetta

based on their builds / based on their love for their partners.

both vegetta and cellbit have quite impressive bases, with vegetta's tower having since expanded outwards and cellbit's own castle.

people know not to mess with foolish because that would incite vegetta's wrath, and no one wants to ever be on his bad side. he's provided foolish with multiple illegal items because he loves him so much. alternatively, cellbit is absolutely whipped for roier. he absolutely short-circuits whenever his husband is around, and would do anything to ensure his safety/happiness.

misclick duo: mariana + slimecicle

based upon unfortunate canon events.

both mariana and charlie have ended up accidentally killing eggs by misclicking, whether it be by destroying their bed or by sweeping edge damage.

glass duo: roier + slimecicle

based on an ongoing bit of charlie breaking roier’s windows. 

charlie has a habit of entering buildings by breaking the nearest window instead of walking all the way to the front door, a habit that was especially noticeable in roier’s house. not only did charlie visit a lot, often breaking multiple windows during one visit as he came in and out of the house, but roier would have a notable reaction, likely due to the different norms between american and hispanic servers. 

backfly duo: vegetta + slimecicle

based on the combining of "backflip" and "fly".

charlie and vegetta once jumped down from the top of vegetta's tower with their gliders, attempting to see how many backflips charlie (el backflippo) could do before hitting the ground. the answer was 6.

green duo: mike + slimecicle

based on the green of their skins.

both charlie and mike have green as the most prominent color of their skin, with mike's eyes, shirt, boxers, and shoes, and charlie's eyes, shirt, br'aad's sash, and slime.

fonduo: slimecicle + baghera

based on their conversation on debate day.

baghera and charlie spent a good while talking about fondue together. more specifically, gruyere, as charlie couldn't manage to say it properly and kept asking baghera for assistance.

guapo duo: roier + cellbit

based on their communities' initial reactions to the other.

when cellbit was first added to the qsmp and outside communities got acquainted with him, roier's community (+ roier himself) were quick to talk about how handsome he is. in return, cellbit's community was also quick to highlight how handsome roier is, and the two grew a fast but unbreakable bond.

(la) realidad duo: roier + forever

based on the two discussing “the reality” of latin america. 

when forever was building the multiple bus stops + roads to the favela, he encountered roier in front of the oxxo. him and roier got to talking about “la realidad” (the reality) of living in latin america, destroying the road to be pull of pot holes and uneven terrain, as that is “la realidad” for most areas. they have since continued this bit, still keeping it to centering around the reality of latin american life.

ohnana duo: maximus + forever

based on the ongoing "oh nana" bit.

while the entire server has gotten into the "oh nana" bit at one point or another, maximus and forever are by far the most involved. everyone else has mostly dropped the bit and will only do it when a large group is involved, but forever and maximus have essentially turned it into a greeting between the two of them.

insane duo: cellbit + forever

based on their behavior.

cellbit is known to drive himself insane and go to extreme lengths to solve whatever puzzle has been put in front of him. forever is known to drive himself insane with projects that anyone else would balk at, such as copacabana and ninho. on top of that, they just drive each other insane and to the extreme.

smart/genius duo: baghera + cellbit

based on their penchant for enigmas.

baghera and cellbit have gotten very involved in the server's mysteries and uncovering the truth. they're both very smart and have keen eyes, especially when paired together.

smooth duo: pac + felps

based on their flirting and demeanor.

in comparison to the other brazilians, pac and felps are by far the calmest of the group. additionally, they're "smooth" flirters, having even kissed during festa junina.

piranha duo: pac + forever

based on both of their characters being flirts.

in portuguese, “piranha” is slang for a woman that sleeps around. both forever and pac have become semi-infamous for flirting with the other server members. 

mean girls duo: baghera + forever

based on mean girls, the movie.

baghera and forever are known to provoke and poke fun at each other constantly. they also have a penchant for gossiping and talking shit, although largely as a light-hearted joke and nothing actually serious. additionally, baghera and forever's characters are both blond, fitting the usual "mean girl" stereotype.

pacman duo: pac + etoiles

based on both of them having pac-man associations.

both etoiles and pac have a pac-man symbol on the front of their shirt/hoodie.

baguette duo: nihachu + tubbo

N/A

green box duo: tubbo + philza

based on their dream smp characters.

the backstory for c!tubbo was that he was found on a box on the side of the road by philza. the "green" was added due to both of their skins having green as a major color.

beets duo: tubbo + foolish

based on their dream smp characters.

to "fix" his consistent issue of starvation, tubbo decided to build a beet farm to have a consistent source of food. foolish ended up jumping in on the bit, and soon enough, a fairly notable area of the greater dream smp had been turned into a glorified beet farm.

[cquackity]

Tommy is also the reason the rest of sbi joined the dsmp, will has said he joined to play with tommy and both techno and phil said they joined to play with friends. And they were all doing great beforehand. Like most people only got added to dsmp after they became popular on their own (I think the only exceptions tho this are Dreams friends and foolish who dream found through reaction videos) like ranboo got added really quickly after he begun streaming but he also managed to get popular really quickly before that and the dream smp becoming popular was a communal effort its not just because its Dreams and part of the reason it was really popular was covid im sure if tommy and co had wanted to make their own smp instead of joining dsmp it would have gotten as popular as dsmp. Sorry this got long but I really hate when dream stans say that because it is not true at all. Also part of the reason dsmp is seen as cringe seem to be because of dream so

this is true for viceduo and quackity joining as well. iirc tommy really wanted quackity on the server and he's a very big reason quackity ended up joining. quackity's first few streams on there is him hanging out with tommy. tommy brought so many people together. and imo quackity's contribution to the dsmp's story is just as great as any member of sbi's. without quackity we wouldn't have had the election arc or manburg. he was one of the only people consistently on the server throughout the lore drought and lnv arc. he brought a lot of people together for lore. and quackity was already very popular before the dsmp. like you said dream loves to add people who are already popular and then act like he's the entire reason for their success. but quackity would've been fine without the dsmp too. he was in minecraft mondays. he was in smpearth. he was in karmaland. he would've made the qsmp and grown regardless. he owes nothing to dream. tommy owes nothing to dream. all of them owe nothing to dream. the work they put in while using the dsmp as a medium was their own. their effort far surpasses any that dream put in himself. if anything dream should be thanking them because his ass didn't even fucking care to log onto the server or run it correctly unless begged

[coffeegnomee]

An analysis of having a rigid character in mcrp vs being swept up into playing a character in mcrp.

I was reflecting on dreamsmp and qsmp the other day and realized they both lost me when the lore shifted to a rigid character of the streamer.

Quackity approached the late-game lore as a cold, calm, businessman, completely devoid of the goofy, unserious charm that is Quackity. And in qsmp he was the alcoholic father. 

I didn’t watch much of qsmp, but I got similar vibes from Celbit and… heck I forget his name. The one who became president. 

Like they approached every stream from a very serious point of view, getting into character before the serious moment happened, not chatting with chat in the lulls between yapping as they journey from one destination to another. 

And they lost me. 

That’s not what the medium of streamed Minecraft rp is about.

What it is about is logging on, bantering with chat, walking around the server, and then other members approach, they take the lore seriously, and subtly change it from a normal interaction with another streamer into something that is moving the plot forward.

There’s two examples from the dsmp era.

Tommy is the obvious one, and doesn’t need much explanation. Especially in the exile arc he would be fine and happy and bantering with chat until Dream showed up. Then the tone shifted. He always had moments where he was his annoying happy self before being drawn into the serious character he was developing. All of it was an act, but he planned to let his character be moved from one emotion to another through the conversations that happened.

But the same happened with Foolish, which I find fascinating since it was widely acclaimed that Foolish doesn’t really lore. Not on purpose at least. He’ll never be the one to overtly plan something, but he’s one of my favorites to follow because he will always get swept up into it.

I followed the Foolish/Leo lore through clips and tiktok, and it was the only aspect of qsmp lore that could draw me in. 

And in the dsmp, the L’sandburg arc and everything that happened at the summer home never had server-wide implications, and yet it captured the charm of the early months of the dreamsmp.

There was a day when Sam joined vc but shifted into the SamNook character and stopped actually talking in vc, just playing the animal crossing noises while writing in chat.

Foolish played along for a bit, and then they both returned to building in the hanging gardens, Sam making a tree while Foolish was doing like material collection I think, talking to chat.

Sam continued only communicating in chat until one moment when it was more helpful if he began actually speaking about the tree instead of being in character.

And I, and Foolish, literally jumped, forgetting that Sam was there and we weren’t talking to SamNook as a real npc.

It was so bizarre. 

We were swept up into the lore of the moment, and kept there through the efforts of the other streamer. 

And again, this happened one day when Bad and Foolish were arguing and Dream showed up in vc as Dreamxd, talking just to Foolish as if he was in his head and Bad couldn’t hear him. The conversation that followed was so hilarious as Foolish had to manage two streamers who refused to acknowledge that they could hear each other.

Without realizing it he was swept up into the lore. And he took us along with him. 

The reason this matters to me is the Lifesteal smp.

In Lifesteal, Zam takes this concept of casual banter with chat and moves it, when the moment arises, into something that is suddenly extremely RP.

In an instant it can go from random conversation into something that is moving his character forward and changing the fabric of the server.

I think we saw it best with the Joker arc. 

Every Joker day began with a threat given to either Minute or Jumper. Something to goad them into lore. 

He had no real plans, just a threat that he would do, a base he would blow up, if Minute or Jumper didn’t do anything to stop him. And he let them do anything they wanted to stop him. 

It was completely unplanned.

And you could hear in his voice the changes from, here’s my silly plan for the day, to, you just unlocked the Joker.

Changing it from a casual stream to something overly lore. Not going into it with a perfect character but using the encounter itself to bring out the character.

Interestingly enough, we all know that the Joker arc landed weirdly in relation to pb&j and how they were swept up into the lore.

And I think, in part, it had to do with the a flipping of roles compared to my above analysis about Foolish.

Zam was, more often than not, the one who was live AND the one who was going to take lore seriously and bring others into it. 

Vs Foolish being live and Dream/Bad/Sam being the one to take it seriously.

It broached a new style of mcrp, one that created streamers/characters who were resistant to doing lore, I think because they didn’t have the stakes behind it of being live. They were there for their recording, but they always knew they could cut it out of their YouTube video and it wouldn’t matter to their characters.

You only have to look at the difference between the Jumper/Zam yap session and Minute confronting Clown and Leo to see the difference going live had on them being wrapped up into the lore. 

Lore they did not expect to be doing when they first went live. 

As opposed to Jumper’s stream where she killed Mappic - she went into that with a plan and a character to play.

As opposed to Ash’s streams when he had a character and plan to execute.

They lost me on those streams because it was obviously so planned out and they entered the moment completely in character and resisted changing in response to anything that was said to them. 

Why does it matter? 

Because a character’s 3dimentionality comes from being fully fledged out. 

And you can make an extremely complex and compelling character when you draw on aspects of yourself. It doesn’t (and probs shouldn’t) just literally be you, but if you willingly draw on who you are as a person, the character comes alive. 

And the medium is Minecraft live streaming. It’s long winded. Time in the story passes by similarly to how real life time passes - day to day something new happens unlike a book or movie where they have to cut things out.

And the stories you create when you approach the medium of live mcrp is substantially different than any book, movie, or video. 

The method of storytelling allows you to explore a character over 100s of hours of content rather than a couple hours. 

And for my money, boiling that character down to something you put on for an hour or two at a time around completely unrelated grind streams, is so much less compelling than if both merged together and you never knew when a moment would turn from casual banter as a streamer into a character moment. 

[alienssstufff]

been thinking about how there was gonna be one more stream where c!slime and c!quackity we’re gonna find solace,,,how do you believe their story ended? (since you are the ceo of dapduo)

With what we currently have in canon here is how that final stream would have panned out: NOTE- the following happens after the HO16 fic, after Wilbur apologises to everyone except Tommy, and the 9/10 LN ending

The beginning of the stream starts with c!Wilbur leaning against the pool balcony area of Las Nevadas in the early morning as c!Quackity joins him, they both look visibly haggard and fucked up (also Quackity is in a wheelchair). It's a very darkly lit scene, clarity only shown by the light of the cigarettes they share. If I were to pin a Hamilton song to this moment it would have the lines from Angelica's 'Congratulations' notably

I look at us and think, "God, what have we done with our lives, And what did it get us?"

Though I don't know if any of them would actually say anything. None of them say anything, as stubborn as the other despite everything they've been through separately, it'd take hell for either of them to truthfully open up to the other about anything let alone themselves. It's stubbornness but it's also mutual, an agreement that neither of them would apologise to the other. Two sides of the same coin, the reflections of eachother in the water being reminders of this. The both of them leave in opposite directions of the shoreline, towards bringing an end to their final arcs.

[ok ACTUAL part with c!Quackity and c!Slime are undercut. I promise]

After the title screen, this new scene actually opens a week prior to the tntduo scene up top. Quackity on his last canon life wakes up exactly where he had fallen from the hotel, a green puddle noticeably on the floor next to him.

In my headcanon, it is implied (offscreen) that out of guilt Slime jumps off the ledge after pushing Quackity - paralleling when Quackity jumped after Slime in the 27/11/2021 finale.  "the consequences will be bitter. I will not fail. Because Quackity from Las Nevadas, we have one thing in common. Through everything we've been through. The same human ruined our lives. Because you are not a good person." -Slime

The camera is a long shot, from POV of one of the deck chairs and it shows c!Foolish hurriedly rushing to Quackity's aid to help him up. [Cut to black]

At this moment in time, there is no war on the server. Las Nevadas instead dealing with a completely new problem that is the slime clones infestation. Security footage showing different places of the country just filled with the clones aimlessly wandering around. Foolish and Quackity, the only remaining members of Las Nevadas left discuss in the now-empty and ruined Amongus research bunker on what to do next. Quackity ponders, thinking about what Slime said to him on the balcony and all the things Quackity did wrong -- and so begins the true reprise of Quackity's lessons.

The general format of this section of the stream being the same as the 27/11/2021 Las Nevadas finale: Quackity says the new (revised) Lesson, and it shows Quackity teaching these lessons to the slime clones. Hypothetically there could also be a scene of Quackity making amends with Kinoko kingdom and him sending the letters to the Syndicate etc.

Meanwhile I would have liked to think Slime, now finally free from... anyone really - spends its time wandering the server interviewing all forms of life and figuring out itself on what it truly means to be human. These wouldn't happen in the one Quackity stream but small bits of Charlie's, every new day starting with Slime watching Quackity from afar. (Featuring this also helps better portray Slime as its own person beyond Quackity's influence). If I were to pin another Hamilton song to this it would be 'It's Quiet Uptown'

ANYWAY the true finale, after having grown in their respective ways - ends with the two of them in the bright dawn at the beach. They go to each other and embrace, crying and happy as the world burns to white :,]

[queerdiazs]

eddie can share his experiences with buck he doesn’t need tommy for that

i’m convinced you dumb fucks don’t know how to read or think for yourselves anymore.

yes, eddie can share his military history with buck but buck can’t share that with eddie in the same way tommy can because buck didn’t live it. it is okay for eddie to have friends and confidants outside of buck the same way buck needs them outside of eddie, too. they are individuals who deserve their own arcs and stories separate of each other.

everyday yall weirdos hide behind anon and spew mindless, foolish thoughts like this because you can’t see past eddie and buck being end game and you’re too chicken shit to say it on your own blogs. you’re going to wish for buddie so hard in a certain way you’re not going to be able to enjoy it as it happens.

grow up, use your brain, and keep this stupid shit to yourselves.

[ladyddanger]

Dsmp live action but even worse

Adding some hate and negativity to your dash. No need to thank me.

DISCLAIMER

[these are not my real thoughts and feelings rather a parody]

Wilbur blows up La’Manberg to Look what you made me do by Taylor Swift. (They had a brand deal with her.)

Dream’s face reveal is hyped up for two seasons and it’s baited that he’s Tommy’s father.

Sam is green horse. Not a creeper hybrid just a green horse with spots that randomly turns into a shirtless human man for reasons.

Quackity sleeps with Ponk, he and Sam fight about it and it’s never brought up after that episode.

Karlnapity also magically heals Quackity’s trauma and they are the perfect couple until they suddenly ignore him for reasons.

Sam makes a tik tok in prison.

Tommy wears Nike in an obvious product placement.

Wilbur has PTSD from the Independence war for one episode and then it’s magically healed by Niki telling him it’s not his fault people died. (This is her entire character arc for season 1)

C!Foolish is a hahaha silly himbo.

Quackity wears a dump him shirt into prison.

Tommy is so jealous of Ranboo and Tubbo he tries to fight Ranboo

Techno is a literal pig. He turns into a man sometimes tho.

The writers want Sam to only have one life left after Dream kills him so Sam gets hit by a truck while he’s yelling at Quackity for sleeping with Ponk. Chasing cars plays while Quackity and Ponk sob in each others arms by his hospital bed.

Reivebur randomly grabs Quackity, throws him over his shoulder and runs away with him into the sunset in the mid season finale. The next episode Q is back and this is never explained.

Eret and Reivebur look at each other and it becomes a huge ship on on tik tok. The writers hate this so much they give Wilbur a girlfriend in Utah named Callie.

Straight phobia is real. Wilbur calls Phil a “hetro” and Niki beats him up for it.

Dream and dreamXD kiss. The writers get canceled for writing incest on twitter so they make it Gnf having a weird Dream and that’s worse.

[aquamarine021109]

My dsmp headcanons 😊

Tommy: biromantic demisexual (AMAB) (he/him)

Tubbo: gay and trans guy (AFAB) (he/him)

Ranboo: gay and non-binary (AMAB) (he/they)

Wilbur: pansexual and bigender (AIAB) (he/she)

Dream: bisexual (AMAB) (he/him)

George: gay and non-binary (AFAB) (he/she/they)

Sapnap: bisexual and ambiamorous (AMAB) (he/him)

Karl: homoromantic greysexual and ambiamorous trans guy (AFAB)(he/him)

Quackity: bisexual and ambiamorous (AMAB) (he/him)

BBH: gay (AMAB) (he/him)

Skeppy: gay (AMAB) (he/him)

Antfrost: gay (AMAB) (he/him)

Sam: bisexual & prefers men (AMAB) (he/him)

Ponk: gay (AMAB) (he/him)

Techno: aromantic asexual (AMAB) (he/him)

Dadza: straight ally (AMAB) (he/him)

Jack: bisexual trans guy and a cyborg (he was created by niki as a 'female' robot but transition to male) (he/him)

Niki: bisexual (AFAB) (she/her)

Foolish: bisexual (AMAB) (he/him)

Purpled: unlabeled and agender, also an alien (AMAB) (he/him)

Callahan: Unlabeled and knows sign language (A?AB) (any pronouns)

Fundy: gay and trans guy (AFAB) (he/him)

Puffy: lesbian (AFAB) (she/her)

Eret: bisexual and genderfluid/genderqueer (AMAB) (any pronouns except it/its)

Aimsey: lesbian (any pronouns)

Eryn: gay and unlabeled, also part demon (AMAB) (doesn't care what pronouns you use for them)

Schlatt: gay (AMAB) (he/him) (I also headcanon him to be c!tubbo's dad)

Tina: unlabeled (AFAB) (she/her)

Boomer: gay (AMAB) (he/him)

Punz: gay and non-binary (he/they)

Alyssa: pan or bi (she/her)

Drista: I have no idea if irl her is fine with headcanons, so im not going to put anything.

Mexican dream: straight ally (AMAB) (he/him)

Girl dream: bisexual and trans woman (AMAB) (she/her)

Conner: I've heard he doesn't like cosplays of him, so he probably doesn't like people headcanoning his character.

Hbomb: gay (AMAB) (he/him)

Hannah: bi or pan (AFAB) (she/her)

Charlie: Unlabeled (A?AB) (he/him) (he's a slime so I dont know what his AGAB would be.)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Extra headcanons to give the characters more depth.

SBI is canon: wilbur came out as pansexual to tommy and techno in the pogtopia arc, wilbur came out to phil via letters during the pogtopia arc. wilbur came out as bigender after he was revived (to everyone on the smp because he wanted people to use the correct pronouns for her.) tommy came out originally to phil, wilbur, and techno as bisexual before the dsmp but later figured out he was a biromantic demisexual when he first joined dsmp (and of course told phil, techno, wilbur, and tubbo). techno casually came out as aroace to phil, tommy, and wilbur, when they were all sat around at the diner table before they joined dsmp. Also of course everyone was accepting. Wilbur and tommy have wings, but tommy lost his during exile because dream cut them off so he couldn't run away (im sorry for the angst but oh well) and wilbur never lost his. (And the reason you cant see wilbur's wings in my fanart of him of a long time ago is because one: im lazy and its hard to draw wings, and two: he can retract his wings in his back)

Jack is a robot/cyborg: I personally like the idea of jack being a cyborg/robot, probably because im a fnaf fan, I also like to think that niki made him and thats why they were so close (before the smp he came out as trans to niki and she supported him of course) I also like the idea that he looked really human but because of his canon deaths his skin was damaged so you could see the robotic side of him, Also if you cant remember his first canon death was by wilbur, he was burned to death by him and I like to think the fire damaged the skin on his arm and thats how everyone found out he was a cyborg, his second canon death was by tommy on accident, tommy pushed jack in the lava in the nether and from that, thats why you can see his right side all robotic like because the lava burned his skin off. He also came out as bisexual to niki before the smp. (Also can people stop sleeping on jacks character because he is literally one of the coolest characters.) Also his third canon death was by techno, he and techno were having a dual during doomsday, and because of that he lost his right eye and had to tell niki to make another one, of which looked really robotic because she didn't have the resources to make a human looking eye. Jack also went to hell and had to complete different challenges to be revived which is canon btw. (And sense he didn't get revived by the revive book, I dont think he would have a white streak in his hair, and i know that jack doesn't have hair but you can still dye it, take irl billzo for example)

Tubbo's related to schlatt: I like to think that schlatt is c!tubbo's biological dad because both of them are ram/goats, and that schlatt thought he was straight, (thats why tubbo is schlatt's son even tho I headcanon schlatt to be gay) schlatt was also homophobic and transphobic and thats why tubbo when he was 15 he ran away from home (because he told schlatt he was gay and trans but schlatt didn't except him, tho later on schlatt was more accepting of him and actually used the right pronouns and stuff) later on phil found tubbo in a box and basically adopted him, also something cute I'd like to add to the clingyduo headcanon is that tubbo before he met tommy wore a green handkerchief while tommy wore a red handkerchief but when they met and became friends they switched their handkerchiefs so even when their far away from each other they would still remember each other😊.

Lazer, vikk, corpse, pokimane, lilnas x, ninja, ksi and Michaelmcchill will be excluded from this because they logged on there like once. And for anyone wondering AMAB means a person that was born male; AFAB means a person that was born female; AIAB means a person that was born intersex. I chose a question mark for c!Callahan's AGAB because we basically know nothing about their character and their irl self.

Also as a reminder these are CHARACTER headcanons and NOT content creator, do NOT speculate actual people's sexualities and gender identities!!!

(Also its kinda sad to know that most of these people I dont even watch anymore, really the only ones I watch now are wilbur, dadza, techno, tommy, charlie, jack, and on rare occasions i watch the dream team, eret, tubbo, and quackity but even then I rarely watch tommy now, maybe its because im getting older? I honestly dont know why :( )

[cupcraft]

You can never look at the narrative and see c!Tommy as wanting to be a hero in the end. You just can't.

c!Tommy never wanted to be a hero. In the beginning c!Tommy did tout wanting "power" (the power tower arc with c!Ponk, scamming businesses, etc) but as a young kid c!Tommy was having fun. None of this meant anything. And then we had L'Manberg, c!Tommy wanting nothing more than a home and safety with his brother and friends. Community, because that's what he always cared about (he expanded the Prime Path for that reason after all. To connect. He built tunnels/sewers under the ground first to scam then in the end wound up connecting). But he didn't want to be a hero. He just wanted to keep that community, but he wasn't allowed.

And then we have the 16th, if you want to be a hero tommy then die like one. He didn't want to be the hero. He wanted his home back. He wanted c!Wilbur back. He denied the presidency. He stepped down. He wanted them all to live in a home. Community.

New L'Manberg. New L'Manberg was a second attempt at that, and c!Tommy went on pranking and doing what life was like before L'manberg even existed, but it stopped being so simple. He was exiled from L'Manberg to protect it, when he never wanted to be in that position in the first place. He rallied people to save it during Doomsday, even though people would betray him, even though none of them really visited him (mostly due to cdreams lies ofc), even though he was exiled from there. He wanted to protect it, because it represented his Love for c!Wilbur. Again, he didn't want to be the hero, he wanted to preserve that love of the person he can't grieve because he doesn't know how especially when his ghost is still around. "I'm a person Tommy". "So are we." It was never about being a hero.

c!Tommy rests then, after putting c!Dream in prison. Not to be a herom but to protect himself, and his freedom (the discs and thus himself and tubbo). He didn't want to live in a nation (snowchester) he didnt want to fight the egg. He built a hotel. Connection, community, a place where anyone could live. The Egg got bad, Sam Nook asked him to be a hero. And guess what, he said no. He said he never wanted to be one. He even broke a piece of the egg to put in his hotel, to please them. So that everyone would come to the hotel. It could be a community again. He gave invites to everyone, even c!Dream.

And then we have his conversation with Foolish. The are you a hero or villain Tommy. And then "it depends on who you ask". And then "if you care about someone you stick by them" because it was never about heroes or villains to tommy really. It was about connection.

And c!Tommy continued on past then just trying to survive till his very end. You can look at c!Tommy as someone who stuck up for his values, as someone who wanted to protect people, but you can never look at his motivations as anything other than survival and love. He never wanted to be a hero point blank.

[koreanbibliophilegirl]

Thinking about my dsmp superpower AU again. The accidental links I'm making between separate characters' story arcs is wild.

Like. Sam made the mistake of fighting (and arm-cutting) Ponk just because he was ordered to, for "fraternizing with criminals". And that leads to him not questioning Punz, even when he suspects Punz is working with Las Nevadas, because he doesn't want to mess up like last time. And that leads to Foolish feeling betrayed by both of them when he finds out Punz is mafia. And that leads to Foolish being even more tired on patrol because of emotional exhaustion. And that leads to Foolish getting stabbed by Ant.

Foolish gets overworked by the hero system and is tired. And that leads to Tommy getting an insider's view on how bad the hero system actually is. And that leads to Bench Trio refusing when hero Dream comes to meet them in the middle of their patrols and offers to let them join the heroes. And that leads to the Hero Overseers pulling up some excuse to demand Bench Trio's arrest. And that leads to Dream Team actively hunting down Bench Trio and everyone involved with them.

Hannah gets her wing ripped during a fight and falls from a height, when a younger Tommy discreetly slows her fall with his own power. And that leads to Tommy realizing there's a lot he can do with his power, including helping people. And that leads to Tommy doing vigilante work with his roommates, naming himself Aerie- mostly for his power but also for Hannah(hero name Faerie), his initial inspiration.

And I haven't even finished planning character arcs yet, who knows if more links will pop up?

I'm so happy I get to write this story :D

[firesnap]

I roll my eyes at tweets from unsatisfied loreheads saying Disc Finale should have ended the server. I get being dissatisfied with Tommy's ending, but you can pry the hotel arc and Wilbur's revival and the TNTDuo stuff from my cold dead hands.

I dunno how you can love Tommy's character and then be willing to throw away his monologue to Foolish or The Custody Battle stream. As a Wilbur fan, the stuff with Q really added some dimension to his character and some of the absolute most unhinged emotional role play with Tommy took place in that post-Disc Finale era.

They fumbled a lot of the content in that later portion of the server, but the gems in the wreckage were some of the meatiest for character development and relationships.

And honestly, the plot was always a bit iffy. Give me all the character stuff. I can make up my own plot things all day but every little scrap of character development and insight can feed me for months.

[the-crimson]

I’ve seen a decent amount of people comparing the vibes of the qsmp to the dsmp and I thought id give my two cents because there is a huge difference between these servers that I haven’t seen mentioned. I’m gonna put it under a cut so if u don’t care for the dsmp or this comparison ignore this post XD

So, the main thing, is that the dsmp was never intended to be a roll play server while the qsmp was 100% a role play server from the start- like that is the entire point lol

Because the dsmp was never intended to be an rp server, it didn’t have the infrastructure to support the collaboration required irl. There are so many horror stories of last minute script changes and people being left out of the loop for key events and its like... the server had had so much time to implement things irl to help with that but they didn’t because only a few people were running the show.

This is the other thing, the main lore and story was mainly driven by like 3 people so all the other ccs lore and plans were left in the dust. People were constantly being rainchecked on important lore events until it was too late and the server/audience had moved on or the lore that was there was belittled and mocked by the more popular ccs. And because these ccs didn’t take it seriously, neither did their massive audience. Most people only cared about lore where they were the center so collaborating was very difficult. It was really messed up and I’m still salty about a lot of it lol

My favorite arc on the dsmp was the eggpire arc because there were no main characters. Everyone involved was on equal footing and you could tell there was a lot of communication and planning irl and that everyone involved was passionate about the story they were telling. However, any time Tommy touched the lore, I would get so pissed because he was such an ass. Like, any lore Tommy touched that did not revolve around him, he ruined and I’m glad people stopped trying to involve him in the eggpire after like 1 or 2 streams lol He is one of the main reasons many fans thought the eggpire arc was a joke. He is just one example of a cc on the dsmp that had terrible rp etiquette, there were many more.

I think the end of the eggpire arc, the red banquet, was a victim of the more influential ccs on the server not wanting it to become the server ending threat it should have been. They wanted it to remain a side story. The lead up to the red banquet was so amazing and the stream itself was also so amazing but it just felt like the beginning of the eggpire’s arc! I was so confused when that was the end of the eggpire because - without changing anything about the red banquet - it opened the door for a truly great conclusion to the dsmp storyline that could have tied of everyone’s character arcs without it dragging on for another 1, 2?, years only for a weak ass finally.

I have an entire 40 chapter fic outlined where the red banquet is the beginning of the end for the server and its a banger - if i ever actually write it T_T

I’m going to briefly explain why the red banquet planted a future arc perfectly: the egg killed a demigod (Foolish) which could have given it enough energy to hatch or at least become close to it. Purpled could have been playing Quackity and BBH to get double payment and told BBH that Quackity was going to attack, that’s why Purpled didn’t chase after the eggpire when they were escaping - then, when Quackity destroyed his UFO, Purpled joins the eggpire to get revenge on Quackity. Everyone at the red banquet who ate the soup could have been infected by the egg and slowly brainwashed over the following days/weeks. Nicki (a member of the anarchist commune) was on the inside and could have been working with Techno, leading to the anarchist commune joining the fight against the egg as a whole. The Red Banquet was a false victory that put the rest of the server at ease while the eggpire was only growing stronger.

It could have been so good!!!! Screams.

But - my theory - is that bbh and the others had to wrap it up because the bigger ccs had “more important lore” that they wanted to do. The eggpire and red banquet arc felt the most close to the qsmp out of any lore on the dsmp which makes total sense as to why Quackity invited bbh since the eggpire was mainly his creation XD

I think Quackity learned a lot from the chaos and disorder of the dsmp behind the scenes and went out his way to ensure his server would not run into the same problems. Not only is there a solid infrastructure of admins and discord channels, he chooses to bring in ccs who are respectful and have good rp etiquette and know how to tell stories. Everyone has been wondering why Jaiden was added, including Jaiden XD, but it makes sense! She is a story teller and those are the types of people Quackity needed.

At the end of the day, the dsmp was never intended to become an rp server and was doomed by that from the start, just like L’manberg. There are plenty of wonderful stories that were told but so many more that were left in the shadows and forgotten due to poor rp etiquette and that will forever be a tragedy.